#but this made me wake up a little bit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i just bought a bts lightstick... i am now questioning life. ts came up to $81 im sick. 😭
#i love them#but this made me wake up a little bit#i dont regret it but DAYUM#i had clutch my chest before purchasing#black kpop fans#black kpop stans#bts stan#bts
0 notes
Text
And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.
#ffxiv#sketch#wol#meteor survivor#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#oh no#its the consequences of his actions#everything is fine until the only man on the star you care about looks at you with the same contempt your father did#(Meteor's not doing it intentionally- its a reflex after he comes back for quite a bit)#and zenos is getting bodied because its been a while since... you know... him being able to really feel anything at all#and no- its not him regretting anything that had to do with varis- just him regretting the thought meteor could look at him like that#little does Meteor know he's emotionally bodying the man he's trying to be cordial with#its a little okay because in how I write adventurer zenos this serves as one of his main wake-up calls to make some changes#and realizing both the mistakes he's made with meteor and that meteor hating him in any way is actually -not at all- what he wants#but not okay on the end that every time meteor does this he has to watch zenos actively dissociate right in front of him#until zenos just kinda autopilots and walks away#the second time (or perhaps third) in the last 11 years that zenos has felt regret to any major capacity-#on meteor's end I just enjoy seeing the progression of the WoL through subtext#and why meteor is willing to even entertain the idea despite how much he hates zenos- his decisions and the path he's walked#is the realization that there is high chance that he could actually be a direct catalyst for zenos' growth#and the realization the wol has that they were the only one zenos has ever genuinely reached out to#besides- i just like the idea of having your equal other half fighting back to back with you- or being able to handle threats you cant#and i find their dynamic neat- of meteor not forgiving zenos but giving him his last chance- and growing to enjoy being around him#and zenos being able to work on moving past being the weapon or the monster- finding the connections he's longed for#and giving himself purpose to finally truly just live- for him to learn to experience and have the freedom to find what he enjoys#(and curiously him having estinien's brand of accidently helping people even in StB gives me ideas...)#but enough tag ranting- ill get to zenos' actual adventuring in another post lol
181 notes
·
View notes
Text
(alan wake-gravity falls crossover) man i love that character. you know, the deeply paranoid author who made a pact with a dark entity that ultimately ended with him stranded in another dimension separated from his loved ones for years at a time? takes place in the pacific northwest? has twin imagery associated with him and a reoccurring specific piece of symbology related to the unfortunate situation they're in? doesn't ever explain the reasoning behind his actions and instead just kinda goes "bro trust me"? yeah he also wears an outer layer of clothing with elbow pads on it, that one.
#my art#stanford pines#alan wake (the man)#ford pines#gravity falls#alan wake#remedyverse#SAtT au#i am. normal about the crossovers i make up.#what do you mean the esoteric weird horror game about stories and the disney cartoon about family dont have a shared audience. sounds fake.#anyways the comic on the right is in honor of a joke i had to scrap in my fic wip due to a perspective switch.#rip that joke i thought you were pretty funny. i like the idea of alan critiquing his own manuscript pages upon the events happening.#oh i should probably do a warning since theres that crunchy image of the aw2 alan death screen huh. uh#blood#aw2 alan death screen my beloved. literally made me go ''oh god'' out loud in shock and horror when i first saw it#anyways did you know theres an au to this objectively already an au crossover. i call it ''bill cipher gets sent to the shadow realm''#bill doesn't show up a lot in this au he gets one scene where he taunts ford abt alan being a danger#with the implication that the dark place/presence genuinely freaks him out. but in this self indulgence of a self indulgence#alan essentially manages to trick bill into swapping places with him and bill ends up trapped in the writers room/the dark place.#lmao get yötön yö'd idiot. YOU are aleksi kesä now.#also i like the idea of zane and bill meeting as well as door and bill meeting. i think they might scare bill a little bit.#just like how zane scares me <3 what a cool character what the fuck is his deal#also you may be wondering why alans in his aw2 look and not aw or awan look despite the fact that lines up closer#to when gravity falls happens-ish. well the answer to that is 1: the crossover uses a lot of the elements from aw2#and 2: i like alans long hair and suit and beard. i like the pathetic sopping look when his hair is in his face
34 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hii love, how are you? I have a little request if thats ok.
Gilgamesh has the most horrific nightmare ever, Thena dying in his arms, there is blood and she is in pain and when she closes her eyes one last time Gil finally wakes up, only to find Thena missing from their bed, he searchs for her like a mad man, only to find her in the kitchen drinking water, he picks her up and refuses to let her go for the rest of the day.
Gilgamesh shoots up out of bed. He's gasping for breath, sweat on his brow. He presses his palm to his chest and flexes his fingers. He looks over at Thena's side of the bed, frantic for her presence.
She isn't there.
It's still warm, though. He can see where the weight of her body wrinkles the bed sheets and he can smell the scent of her fondness for the garden. His hand slides over to it, feeling the latent warmth of her presence.
He throws back the covers, desperate to see her with his own eyes. He can still feel the weight of her body in his arms--the dead weight. What it was like to look at her face, still and motionless and cold. He can vividly recall the feeling of carrying his wife to her funeral pyre and watching her body be consumed by flame.
"Thena?!"
He runs out of their bedroom, ripping the door off its hinges--weak things in comparison to his unchecked strength. He looks around their home frantically. His heart is searching for her, the Cosmic Energy in his veins screaming for her.
She's here--he can feel her presence! It exists, she's close, and even if she weren't, her existence would tether his and pull, like ends of the same string.
"Thena!" he calls out again, moving into the kitchen. He can see everything the way they left it last night. Their chairs are pushed in lazily, his apron is thrown over the edge of the sink after she told him to hang it up where it belongs yet again. He turns, ready to break this door open too.
Then she walks in. She's unaware of the nightmare that nearly sent him into hysterics. She walks in, barefoot as always, her long white dress dancing around her legs. The sun streams in behind her, lighting her bright blonde hair like an angel's halo.
"What are you yelling about?" she asks as if he's been shouting at the tv again. "I could hear you all the way from the water tower. I just looked over the garden, although th-!"
She stumbles, although any creature from this planet would have been plowed through the far wall from sheer force. But she corrects her footing, letting him latch onto her and hold her for all the eternal life in him.
He whimpers, burying his face against her shoulder. He inhales the scent of her breath, absorbs the warmth of her through her cotton dress, hears the beat of her heart as his own syncs to it.
"Gilgamesh?" she asks without asking. She runs her fingers through his hair, but he remains cloistered around her. Her face turns to kiss his temple, "what ever could be so wrong?"
She has no idea. He nuzzles the side of her neck, "don't move."
She sighs for the sake of sighing, but she does as he asks. Her fingers run through the hair on top of his head lightly and soothingly. Her other hand rubs his back. He, the Strongest Eternal, truly dwarfs her lithe frame in size. But she lets him lean on her like a tree losing its strength.
Eventually his nervous system puts out its own fire. The fear in his mind settles enough for him to open his eyes. He stays close, pressing his nose against her skin as he drags it up her neck and her jaw until he holds her cheeks to look at her--really look at her.
Thena blinks at him, her marvelously green eyes gone wide and adorable. They close as he leans in for a kiss. When they part, her lips are pulled into a smile. "Will you tell me now?"
"No," he denies, and kisses her again. He gives many more kisses, receiving her return with each. He does that until he feels strong enough to take even half a step away from her. He sighs, letting his shoulders drop, tilting his head as he gazes upon his beautiful wife.
"Gil," she prompts him more gently. Her eyelashes flutter, and her concern for him travels through her palm as she slides it up his chest and then to his cheek as well. They have been married several hundred years, and she will get an answer out of him sooner than later.
He sighs again, wrapping his arms around her and moving her to the sink, where she pours water for them. "Just a bad dream."
"Hm." It's obviously more than just a bad dream. But she leaves it at that, because their days now are full of small battles, not large ones. She raises the glass to his lips for him, as if they were wearied after the Trojan War again.
He remains wrapped around her. He can't let her go. The fear that lived in his mind during that dream hasn't left yet. It's still there, watching him despite the light of day.
Thena takes a sip for herself. "Sit?"
He makes a small sound of agreement. She moves towards the table but he prevents her from separating from him again. "Couch."
He can imagine her rolling her eyes, although it's only for the humour of it. She moves past the kitchen table and towards their more comfortable space. She seats herself and lets him seat himself around her, cradling her against him preciously. "The door?"
He grunts; he'll fix it later.
Once reclined on their couch, he breathes a little easier. This is more familiar and gentle. This is where they've spent sunny afternoons together. Sometimes they read together, sometimes he reads and she sleeps on him the way a cat would. She never liked those creatures.
He would run his fingers through her hair and sometimes she would idly rub his back. They would spend evenings here reminiscing about their thousands upon thousands of years together. Sometimes they would go out to their hammock and watch the stars.
Thena settles herself in his arms. She turns over, letting her head tuck itself under his chin, her hand over his heart with his arms wrapped around her. "Better?"
He nods. They speak the other's language--a way of understanding that only they two have. Usually it's she who has few words to offer but even now, with him being reticent, she understands it.
They sit like this for a long time. He watches the shadows rise and stretch and fall in the other direction. When it's in the windows and on them he moves his hands, only to shield her from the direct touch of its rays.
That privilege is for him and him alone. By the second time he does this she turns over again. He's not entirely certain if she's truly gone to sleep or not. But holding her, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, the way she feels comfortable with him; he feels eased.
Thena senses this. She sneaks one of her arms around his back and against the couch. The other she toys with the opening at the neck of his shirt. Her pale, pearly nail taps against his skin. "Now?"
The Warrior Eternal is not a patient woman.
Although, she has expended more patience than he has seen from her in quite a long time. For beings with all the time in the world, she is not the best at watching it go by. At least not with the menial. When they were first raising chickens, he could swear she would observe the eggs every quarter hour.
"Bad dream," he repeats from earlier. He already knows she knows this, and he already knows she knows how bad it is to have him this paranoid. He squeezes her shoulder. "Terrible, really."
"Hm," she encourages him, moving her hand from his shirt to his neck, cupping his jaw from below. She strokes it, pulling the words from him with her gentle touch.
"You..." he pauses. He doesn't want to lie to her, even if it's by omitting the truth. "I killed you."
"Impossible."
It's not, and they're well aware of it. But Thena speaks of it lightly, and he likes to think it's because she knows that he would take the utmost care of her, even in a nightmare.
"Felt possible," he argues, pursing his lips as he tries to get the image of her still and unblinking face out of his head. His face gets moved, tilted down to look at her lying on him. It's upside down, but this image of her is much better. He smiles.
Thena smiles too, leaning up to kiss him, letting their lips stretch no matter how far to do so. Hers are always so plump and luscious, like berries. He wants to grow berries here for her, but the ground is simply too dry.
She runs her fingers through his hair again, letting her palm press against his forehead. "It's gone now."
It's such a simple statement, but she's right. As soon as a dream happens, it's already a thing of the past. And maybe he will remember it for a long time to come. Maybe pieces of it will always be with him. But it's not in front of him now, she is.
Thena laughs as he stands suddenly, spinning them around with her hands around his neck. "What has gotten into you?"
He just gazes at her, lucky enough to have his own version of a star to brighten and dazzle and illuminate his every moment on this green and blue spec of cosmos. "Do you remember coming home like this?"
He's carried her like this plenty of times. But she knows what he means; he means the first time he carried her inside like this, as his wife. She nods, stroking his cheek again.
"Y'know, I hear humans can get married again sometimes," he grins, refusing to let the dream colour any more of the beautiful present with his beautiful wife. "They call it renewing your vows."
"We didn't make vows."
Ah, his wife, ever the romantic. He chuckles, touching the tip of his nose to hers. "We can make some this time."
"Construct some poetry for the benefit of a strange human to witness?" she scoffs at the utter absurdity.
"You would write me poetry?" he asks and receives another bubbly laugh.
"I would consider it," she appeals as he spins them one more time and sits with her again. She remains in his hold, on his lap, curled against him. "But for your eyes only. A mortal mind could never wrap its mind around what we have been through together."
That is true. Their love isn't for a mortal to comprehend. He is immortal, and sometimes he's left in awe of it. He stares at his wife, wondering if he should learn to weave so he can make a glorious tapestry devoted to every second - every minute, every hour - he's had with her.
He has all the time in the world.
#Thenamesh AU#pt 2#thank you so much sweetheart!#I hope you don't mind it's a little different#I linked this story to another#because the prompts just kind of went together#I know it's a little bit cheating but I mean come on#you know I like the fluffy happily ever after#this is Thenamesh at its finest#this is a man and his wife#a warrior and her husband#far out in the Australian desert there is a home#these two have made it together#I know I write Thena with all the sleep issues#but Gil has nightmares like this#when he gets them he gets them bad#he wakes up and he wants to be HELD#he's not afraid to cry#he wraps himself around his wife like a koala#she runs her fingers through his hair and rubs his back#lets him bury his face in her cleavage#eventually he's like okay let's have pancakes#because that's marriage#obviously I can go on forever about these two#so thank you for indulging me with all your support
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shout out to everyone who was alone when they came out of surgery
I was going to make this trans-specific, but as I was typing I realised this would suck no matter what you had done. So, to people who wanted someone to be there:
I'm sorry you were alone, or if no one could visit until days later when the scary moments had already passed. I'm sorry no one was there to celebrate you coming out the other side.
You made it, you're alive. I'm hugging you and leaving balloons and stuffed animals (that you may or may not want lol) by your bedside.
#skip talks#hearing funny or heart-warming stories about things people said to their loved ones immediately after surgery always hurt just a little bit#hearing about how someone waited up into the small hours for their person to come out/wake up#i wish could've been there for me#but due to a few factors it wasnt possible#i was happy! but also felt really alone and uncomfortable and i was in a shared ward so i couldnt even relax#😩😩#then came home to find mum had tried to 'help' by clearing out my room and rearranging things#i was NOT in the right headspace to receive that well or wirh grace#it made me anxious and ruined my return home#but of course i was the one who had to say sorry for not being grateful 😑#there are typos here but i cant do anything about em im using the app lmao
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
dont look in the mirror
#this one was ROUGHGHHHHHHHH i made like six different versions and i kind of hate all of them anyways#i think that waking up to find the girl he likes dead in his shower probably fucked makoto up. like a little bit. maybe just me thoug.#makoto naegi#naegi makoto#sayaka maizono#maizono sayaka#naezono#danganronpa#danganronpa trigger happy havoc#myart#knife
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
things I've received hate anons for in the past 24 hours:
- being an introject
- successfully recovering from an ed
- having a psychotic episode due to my fuckass cat
#🎙️.will#tumblr is so fun#genuinely all of these were dumb as fuck and made me laugh a little bit#waking up to the hate anon about sproingus actually just contributed to the sleep deprivation though#because if i hadn't got that I could've gone back to bed#but now I'm gonna be even more sleep deprived and therefore more likely to be psychotic on the dash again#so if you were mad about me being psychotic guess what! you made it worse lmao
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely feel like getting into jake and johnnies channels and all that jazz has helped me so much lately and maybe its just a random hyperfixation thatll soon leave me but rn they feel like what younger me needed and being able to get it now is just wow
#i feel so corny but they have made me feel so much more okay with myself?? i dont feel so odd when im watching them#is this what a parasocial relationship is? idek i dont think its that extreme? who cares tbh its not like im stalking or harrassing them#anyway i should go to bed because i have to be up for work in a few hours but im only a little bit sleepy#but then if i wait til im more sleepy then i think im gonna feel more tired when i wake up#today ive been kinda only sleeping a couple hours but multiple times throughout the day woahh kinda like a cat or smth#i wish i was a cat i think id be good at it#des rambles
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes I like to admire Kae's new skin and think of aaaall the little gaps where someone could press quick little kisses against
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Sneaky lil kisses on his neck and shoulders/collarbone when they're close/hug#//Bonus if they chose to gently nose aside his braid rather and just move it by hand#//Having him sitting on sb's lap and they press a quick kiss to his bicep#//Or them sitting then in the process of standing doing so#//Gently touching along the lil gap on his back while he's straddled them; as their lips brush over the little spot over his chest#//Making him topple over the desk and moving for the spot on his back-#//hdbkgrg#suggestive#//I GUESS just for that last one jhdbfhdfg#//Anywho now that that's there#//I've seen so many fanarts where the shirt under his vest has an exposed back and I kdfjhbfkg#//THAT is precisely what made me think of this lol#//His partner grabbing him Firm by the hips and pressing kiss after kiss along his back while he just Squirms and chides playfully at them#//Esp if he was tryna get all dressed up and they caught him before he could get the vest on#//Like 'Stahp; the goal is clothes ON-'#//But the sheer Intimacy and sweetness of that very series of kisses while getting UNdressed is so good too#//Not even for smut reasons really; even#//Him feeling exhausted after a day's fun and trusting his partner to help him get undressed without wanting much more out of it#//Them seeing how Stressed he is and using the kisses to help ease the tension lining his shoulders#//Bonus if they gently reassure him they don't intend to initiate anything; to just relax; they'll be done in a moment#//And it HELPS bc their gentle touch helps keep him grounded; helps him feel a little better after the day's stresses & hustle'n bustle#//He might go a little boneless after tho hdbjgf. But he'd have been SO wound up w stress; the gesture might make him relax a bit TOO much#//And make him just wanna flop back and let them carry him off to bed or a drawn bath they can chill in. That he'd prolly get sleepy in#//If not outright doze off in and become the Grumpiest little mf when they have to wake him up bc they've been in there too long jhdbgkfg#//Which is DEFFO a surefire sign of trust and comfort with sb; bc he'd usually HATE wanting to act like that around other ppl
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
although they've long since graduated to climbing buildings because its more fun and provides more challenge (as well as practicality), byan used to love climbing trees when they were younger. it was one of those few things they were better at than most other kids, so it was a great way to show off while also giving them a way to release some of their high levels of energy and provided great places to sit and observe the world around them (as well as somewhere to hide from/escape others when they needed to).
of course, with their ever questionable self-preservation instincts, they were always trying to climb higher... all the way to the top of a tree, that was their goal one day... and i'm not saying that the fire department had to be called to rescue them on more than one occasion when they went too high, but i'm not not saying that, either.
#just a little realization that occurred to me last night. like ofc byan was the tree climbing kid#and u know they bit one of the firefighters who rescued them too bc they were & still are a feral child#but also they were embarrassed and biting someone is a good way to distract from that in their mind :/#anyway more accidental cat parallels first thing after I wake up don't mind meeeee#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
🐰🩹🧸🏨
#i hate being in pain like this#bc it completely takes over my life. like im incapable of thinking of anything else#im incapable of relaxing or enjoying anything. i cant do important things. cant do anything else but sit still nd be in pain#it just renders me completely useless and makes me stop functioning properly#im just a hopeless mess made of anxiety nd sadness. idk why but i just hyperfixate on it and i cant 'let go' or relax or not think abt it#idk how other ppl do it.... i wish i wasnt like this bc it's awful. it's like the only thing that exist nd ever will exist is this pain 4evr#im dramatic i know but it genuinely feels like my entire life is over and i'll ever know is pain nd nothing will ever get better again#im so caught up in it i cant see anything else but my pain. i cant think of the future bc do i have one?? i dont know#im just not feeling good at all. and everything feels bleak and depressing and i dont want it :((#i cant have any fun or nice moments at all and im just tired of life#i feel so fkn stressed abt all the things i need to do nd all my responsibilities and idk how i'll do them when im in this pain#i just hope it can calm down soon i just want it to be a little bit easier just a little bit#getting thru each day now is so fkn hard i barely sleep but when i do i wish i never wake up#i hate everything and it feels like my future is fucked#which makes me wanna die!! but it also makes me sad bc there is actually sm i want to live for#i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :(#and yess im know im being dramatic but i cant help it. im weak nd im terrible at dealing w pain nd issues#im not a strong person who can withstand everything nd finds ways to live either way. maybe it's bc my will to live isnt that strong#idk. i just hate this i want it to be over. it's taking over my life nd idk how to still function like this
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
book 5 of the year done!!!! im literally one book away from halfway to my goal and the first month of the year isn't even over yet fjsksk i am DEFINITELY going to hit it this year!
#SUUUUPER bummed to say tho that ive made it to the first book of the year i havent enjoyed :/#the worst part is — its the first in a series apparently and like. i WANT to know what happens next#but also i dont CARE enough to want to keep reading the rest of the series yknow?#like. this first book was just SOOOO disjointed#it was ALL exposition#it spent 500 pages giving individual backstories for each of the characters. as in each character l i t e r a l l y told their story#which first of all absolutely BORING way to get to know your characters and second of all NONE od these characters were even likeable!!!#and the worldbuilding was just. weird. it kind of didnt make sense and felt all over the place#and FULLY felt like he was just throwing random sci-fi-y words around to make it sound cooler but like. it wasnt.#and like all these characters are together on this pilgrimage right#but it is NEVER really revealed why/what they plan to do when they get to their end destination/anything like that#and im between each of these character backstories it feels like the same stuff one person is like oh wow what a story lets get some sleep#and then they do and they wake up and they do the tiniest bit of traveling#(which is like. described in the most lackluster barebones way) and then they eat and share another story and rinse and repeat#it was SO boring#it honestly reminded me of the movie the eternals LMAO#all these characters and you get to know a little about them but not enoguh to become invested and none of them are all that interesting#and the purpose of their journey/the purpose of THEM is completely unknown is completely devoid#like it felt like there was no plot#it was. ough not good.#so yeah would NOT recommend hyperion by dan simmons :/#mack reads
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Vargsången
It had been around a week since they had found refuge at Camp Dragonhead, when Rael woke especially early one morning. They usually got out of bed early enough to watch the sun rise with no problem whatsoever but this particular morning they rose with an uneasy feeling.
Before they left their room Rael glimpsed out of the window, where big white snowflakes were wildly dancing in front of a dark cloudy sky. It would be difficult to get A‘viloh out of bed today, Rael thought as they put on their boots which they had placed next to the door the evening before. It was then that they noticed the carefully folded piece of paper someone had pushed through the small gap between the door and the dark wooden floorboards.
With a confused expression on their face they picked it up and unfolded it to see a small and very familiar handwriting. Instantly that uneasy feeling flared up again. Quickly Rael read the short letter and found their worst fears confirmed.
Dear Rael,
I am sorry to leave you like this but I know that you would have tried to stop me. I am aware that this plan is madness but I simply cannot go on with this uncertainty any longer. I am returning to Ul’dah to find out what happened to our friends. I know it is dangerous but I ran and hid from the consequences of my actions for long enough to know that I will not find peace this way. Don’t come looking for me and please keep Tataru and Alphinaud safe.
Forgive me. If you can.
Your friend,
A’viloh
„This idiot!“, Rael growled as they threw another glimpse out of the window and then hurriedly left their room. Without knocking they tore open the the door across the corridor but found A’viloh’s room empty. As fast as they could they ran down the stairs, ignoring the greetings of the few people who were also up early and threw open the door leading to the yard. The blizzard they had already seen from the window felt a lot stronger and colder up close and to Rael’s frustration not a single footstep was to be seen in front of the house. No traces where he would have gone. The evidence long destroyed by the storm. How long was he already out there? And what had he been thinking at all to go out alone in a weather like this??
Whispering another string of profanities Rael stepped outside and ran across the yard. With one strong push they threw open the heavy double doors that led to the commander’s office. They hadn’t even reached the desk on the opposite side of the room yet when they urgently addressed the Elezen sitting behind it. „Lord Haurchefant!“
Surprised the man looked up from the paperwork’s on his desk and smiled at Rael.
„Please, I told you to drop the formalities. How may I help you.“
„We have a problem!“, Rael continued and the worried tone in their voice was enough to make Haurchefant’s smile turn into a more serious expression. „What happened?“
„A’viloh!“, Rael exclaimed in frustration as if that one word was explanation enough and waved around the piece of paper they still clasped tightly in their hand. „He ran away! To find our friends it seems, but all he’s gonna accomplish is get himself killed. I don’t need to be from around here to know that someone without experience is going to freeze to death all alone in that storm out there! And even if he miraculously makes it to Ul’dah, Ilberd and the other traitors will without doubt be waiting for him and he doesn’t stand a chance against all of them alone.“
„Breathe, my friend.“, the Elezen said and gestured for Rael to calm down. For a moment he looked out of the window in thought and nodded. „Unfortunately you are right. With this weather it is very dangerous out there…“
That information didn’t do much to calm Rael down. „How can we find him in that blizzard? I don’t know when he left or how far he got. I fear he—„
„Say no more.“, Haurchefant interrupted them. Without further hesitation he stood up and walked toward the door, grabbing a thick woollen coat from a coat rack beside the door. „I will find A’viloh and bring him back. You stay here where you are safe. No! No argument, please. I’ll be faster without you.“
Nonetheless Rael followed him out to the yard where he shouted for one of the guards to immediately bring his chocobo.
Rael tried to convince him that they would cover more ground if they both went searching for A‘viloh but Haurchefant pointed out that Rael would most likely get lost too and that he didn’t like to have to search for them both out in this storm. Reluctantly Rael promised to wait for him at Camp Dragonhead and watched him check his gear, get on his chocobo and vanish into the storm with worry written all over their face.
***
The snowflakes and the ice-cold wind felt like sharp little blades on his face. He cursed this storm for not the first time today and he also cursed himself as well.
What had he been thinking?
Not much honestly.
There hadn’t been a storm when he had sneaked out long before anybody else was awake. The whole night he hadn’t slept, once again thinking and wondering. Back then this part of his plan had seemed to him the easy part. He had more wondered about how he would cross Gridanian territory and make it into Ul’dah unrecognised than what else could happen on his way there when at first only a few big snowflakes had begun to slowly fall from the sky. In his determination he had barely taken notice of them, only when the clouds got darker and darker, the snow more and more and finally the wind picked up, howling and biting, he had realised that he hadn’t planned for something like this to happen. He had already walked quite a bit of distance and the Observatorium couldn’t be that far anymore. Maybe he could hide there until the storm died down. So he continued onwards. But with every minute passing he saw less and less of where he was going and soon he realised that he had no clue anymore where he was at all or in which direction he needed to walk. And with every passing moment it only seemed to get colder.
So now there he was, blindly stumbling through the snow, hoping that a settlement, a house, a fire, anything would show up before his eyes. But instead he couldn’t even tell anymore where the white ground beneath his feet ended and where the sky with it’s veil of wind and snow begun. He had no idea what to do.
For a moment he contemplated to scream for help, but who would hear him out here with this howling wind? He tried anyway and found that he barely made a sound, his voice only a distant whispering even to his own ears. Oh, I’m going to die here, he thought, no one will ever find me. That thought made him shiver even more violently than he already did and hot burning tears started to gather in the corners of his eyes. They were long frozen on his cheeks before they could reach his chin.
Nonetheless he took off his gloves, tried to wipe the weird sensation away but his face and hands only felt cold and numb. Instead he lowered his fingers to his lips, tried to warm them with his breath but even breathing felt more and more painful and exhausting by now, let alone putting one feet in front of the other.
Finally he tripped. There hadn’t even been a stone or a branch, just his frozen clumsy feet that felt so heavy. Without much of a sound he fell into the deep cold snow. Absently he tried to blink the snow out of his eyes, not that he would have seen much anyway. At first he weakly tried to push himself back up but his whole body felt so horribly heavy and tired. Oh yes, he was tired, so very tired. Maybe he just needed to rest for a moment. It all didn’t really seem that bad anymore now that he lay here in the soft white snow. It felt strangely warm really. For a moment he even thought he heard a voice calling out his name. Saw a silhouette between the dancing snowflakes. A hand stretched out towards him.
With a peaceful smile on his face his eyelids drooped and his mind faded to darkness.
***
How long was he gone now?, Rael wondered as they paced about the room, around the big table with all the maps, back and forth between the roaring fireplace and the window facing south.
For the third time now they pulled up their collar and stepped out into the empty frozen courtyard. Everyone at Camp Dragonhead who wasn’t on guard duty had been clever enough to seek shelter from the storm indoors and as Rael worriedly looked towards the gate, it‘s silhouette barely visible against the myriad of snowflakes, they wondered if Haurchefant’s decision to leave in search for A’viloh on his own had been a good one. Maybe something had happened to him.
Should they follow him?
No, they would get lost without a doubt…
Should they alarm the whole camp about their commander’s absence?
But what should the soldiers do about this?
Helplessly Rael raised their face to the sky but all there was were dark storm clouds and more questions they couldn’t answer. There was nothing to guide them, to tell them what to do. No gods, no teacher, no whispers, no vision. Nothing at all. Rael, who always knew what to do or at least had an educated guess about what might prove helpful, never felt that useless before.
Almost violently they pressed their eyes shut and tried to summon up the answers they needed by sheer force of will. A lonely figure at which the wind tore mercilessly. Determined but also futile. Forcing any sign to reveal itself to them had never worked before and neither did it now. There simply was nothing they could do.
Why haven’t I seen this coming?
Eyes still closed they started to shiver, fighting against the burning sensation building behind their eyelids. Their mouth twitched no matter how tightly they pressed their lips shut. Instead they breathed through their nose, heavy shaky breaths which turned to white clouds in the air.
Then a horn blared above. Rael flinched and realised that a guard on the fortification wall had given a signal. They didn’t know what it meant and still Rael fixed their eyes on the barely visible gateway, hoping, praying to whatever was willing to listen. Please, let them be safe.
At first Rael feared they were imagining it but then clearly something moved between the sea of snowflakes. A dark form, something - no, someone was coming closer. Rael almost stopped breathing. Once they realised it was truly Haurchefant on his chocobo, they almost fell to their knees in relief.
Only as Haurchefant carefully climbed off of his chocobo, Rael saw that he wasn’t wearing his coat anymore. Instead he had held it in place bundled up on the saddle in front of him, to make sure it didn’t fall down and also keeping it close to himself for warmth. As he lifted that small bundle into his arms and slowly stepped towards them Rael couldn’t stifle a sob any longer and desperately ran towards him.
A’vi!
Wrapped in the way too large piece of clothing was the small Miqo’te, entirely motionless. His skin so pale and cold. Frantically Rael searched for a sign of life - a sound, a movement, a pulse - but there was none. He looked like a dead thing and that fact smashed Rael’s heart to a million little pieces.
It had been too late. They had lost him.
***
Darkness. Endless and suffocating.
A moment ago he thought there had been light.
There had been snow too.
No…
Dark angry water. Hissing like the wind.
A thunderstorm. Or a blizzard.
But there had been sun too, right? Once. Warm pleasant sunlight. Hot bright sand.
Yes, it had been warm. But why was he feeling so cold then?
Why had the sun left him all alone in this cold, cold darkness?
Suddenly he heard a voice calling his name.
It sounded so far away and then suddenly so close. So worried.
He couldn’t quite remember if he knew it but it felt friendly. It felt warm and welcoming.
It felt safe. He could rest now.
***
When Haurchefant had arrived back at Camp Dragonhead cradling poor A‘viloh in his arms, the Miqo’te had no noticeable breathing or pulse at all. He had looked like a corpse and Rael had already feared he was dead. Nonetheless Haurchefant had hurriedly brought him indoors. Loudly he had yelled orders left and right and suddenly the whole camp was in turmoil. In fact it was still early morning and it only had been this sudden unexpected ruckus that had awoken Tataru and Alphinaud as footsteps and loud voices rushed past their bedrooms. They watched puzzled as the servants quickly brought lots of blankets as well as warm dry clothes to replace A’viloh’s frozen ones and also wood for the fireplace and warming pans for his bed.
Immediately Rael had begun to work. For a few terrifying moments they had sat there in silent focus trying to find a sign of life from A‘viloh. Heartbeat, breathing, aether. Nothing… nothing… nothing… then: a shy heartbeat after all. So slow, so weak, easy to miss. But it was still there and Rael refused to let it vanish! They never had to heal a patient with hypothermia before and only could guess what to do exactly. It wasn’t a open wound they could close or a poison they could extract. Instead all they could do was use their magic to steady his heartbeat and help slowly warm his body up.
Both, Tataru and Alphinaud, stood there by the door speechlessly staring in shock, not knowing or understanding what had happened. They saw Rael’s face and didn’t dare to ask either. Not until Haurchefant reappeared. The servants had urged him to change into dry, warmer clothes too and now he returned pressing warm drinks into the helpless spectators hands and shooing them off, back to their rooms, against quiet protest.
“Please, the healer will arrive any moment now. There is nothing you can do in the meantime. I promise I have you informed at once if anything changes.“
Bleakly Rael noticed that his choice of words didn’t specify if this would be a change for better or for worse. A few moments later the healer, torn from his sleep on Haurchefant’s demand, arrived but he also left rather quickly again.
Rael had only let this ishgardian doctor close to A’viloh because they had hoped that maybe he knew better how to help him than they did considering he needed to have more experience with cases like this. But the Elezen hadn’t done much at all and only claimed that the poor Miqo’te’s life now lay in Halone’s hands. Rael had sharply laughed at this statement but it had really sounded more like a menacing bark. Why did this sharlatan bother to come here at all? Once again they had to do everything by themself if they wanted it done properly.
Just to make sure, they tried every kind of healing magic they could think of hoping that maybe some of it would help, even the ancient spells his mother and the oracle had taught them. When no immediate response was visible - had they really expected one? - they kept on monitoring A’viloh’s heartbeat as well as his still very thin aether and supported both as good as they could using their own.
For hours they sat there silently working their magic, carefully trying to ration their own power reserves as long as possible. They were almost exhausted, almost out of aether themself. Their fingers were shaking and their eyelids felt heavy. It wasn’t healthy and they knew they couldn’t do this much longer.
But at least it seemed to work. For a short happy moment they thought everything would be fine again.
Then the fever hit.
***
The darkness scared him.
It was cold and wet and inescapable.
The wind turned to howls of wild animals and these again soon to laughs and mockery.
Their hungry fangs and claws reached for him in the darkness. Trying to pull him down.
He tried to run but he wasn’t moving at all.
He tried to shake off the claws digging into his skin but their grip was too strong.
He tried to scream but couldn’t make a sound.
Then with a sudden jolt he was falling. A long horrible fall through infinite darkness.
When he finally hit the ground he was in the cold, freezing snow again.
Just that it didn’t feel cold at all anymore. But soft and warm.
There was that voice again, calling his name.
An unfamiliar voice.
No, that wasn’t true. He knew this voice.
It was the only voice he ever wanted to remember.
If he ever realised he forgot this sound, the pain would destroy him.
Between the veil of snow there was a hand reaching out for him. A worried face.
Arms holding him tight. Keeping him warm.
So familiar eyes of molten gold.
A loving smile.
His favourite thing in the world.
Oh! Now he remembered!
He understood. At last, no miracle to save him.
Finally…
…
Laqa.
***
„Laqa…“
Shocked Rael looked up from the hand they carefully held between their own.
Haurchefant couldn’t know the meaning of this feverish mumbling but Rael did and it terrified them, the panic plainly visible on their face.
„The healer warned us that the fever might make him hallucinate...“ the elezen offered in an attempt to console them.
„I know that!“, Rael snapped harshly.
It wasn’t fair but they had no nerve to hear things that were plainly visible. After the fever had appeared Haurchefant had called for the ishgardian doctor again. At least this time he had offered a potion that was supposed to lower A’viloh’s fever. So far it hadn’t shown any effect though. But that wasn’t Haurchefant’s fault.
„I am sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you…“
The Elezen shook his head. „I know, my friend. You’re tired. Don’t you think it would be better to rest for a while?“
„No, I’m fine. I will stay.“ It did sound hollow even to them.
„You know, you did everything you could, right?“, Haurchefant asked while putting a hand on Rael’s shoulder and Rael hated how it almost sounded like they had lost this fight already.
„I know… Would you mind leaving me alone for a while?“ Hopefully that hadn’t sounded rude again.
He hesitated, then he nodded slowly. „No more magic though, alright? I don’t want you to collapse too.“
Rael just shrugged. It wasn’t the answer Haurchefant had wanted but he left anyway. With a heavy sigh they returned their gaze to A’viloh’s pale face as he mumbled something unintelligible.
Oh, why hadn’t they noticed he was planning something? Where had they gone wrong?
Probably when A’viloh’s smile had fooled them into thinking that he was alright. As if a few nice words and some hot chocolate could fix everything that was wrong. Rael had wanted to believe it but should have known better. No matter how much they had told themself that he was stronger now, braver, healthier… mostly he seemed fine and then suddenly tiny things could still throw him off course. It was a tricky thing for Rael to assess how A‘viloh would react sometimes. Like a broken mug that had been kitted. There were bits and pieces that were still alright or had healed fairly good, the damage almost invisible, and then there were the spots were all that kept the ragged shards together was too much glue, unevenly filling the wounds. Ugly and weak, easily broken apart again. On his really bad days Rael still feared that there were some small pieces of him irrevocably lost, never to be found again, sunken to the bottom of the sea and impossible to replace.
Barely audible, like a knife to Rael’s heart, the poor fever-dreaming Miqo’te whispered, „I‘ve missed you so much, Laqa.“
„No!“, Rael yelled almost angrily and threw themself at A’viloh’s chest protectively. „You can’t have him yet!“
It was ridiculous! Who were they even talking to? Instead they turned their pleading gaze to the Miqo’te’s feverish face.
„Please, A‘vi! Tell him that he has to wait a little longer… please… he would want you to live your life first, wouldn’t he?“
Of course A'viloh didn’t answer.
Desperately Rael buried their face in the Miqo’te’s shirt and started to sob. „Please don’t die. I cannot do this without you…“
***
The sea washed around his feet, then retreated again with a slight pull.
He couldn’t care less.
Everything he cared about was right here with him.
Arms as warm and comforting as the late afternoon sunlight wrapped tightly around him.
With his eyes closed, his head rested between Laqa’s shoulder and neck, he felt safe and at peace. He felt at home.
When had he last felt that way?
It didn’t matter anymore.
He would never have to let go of him again.
Vi…
this so familiar voice whispered as he pressed a kiss into his hair.
Slowly Laqa loosened his embrace and instead cupped A’viloh’s face gently with both of his hands.
It is time, Vi…
For a moment they just looked at each other, smiling, before their lips met halfway for a long kiss.
Finally Laqa pulled back a little and immediately A’viloh missed him again.
This hadn’t been enough. It would never be.
With a smile on his face Laqa rested his forehead against A’viloh’s.
You have to go now.
***
For days A‘viloh wandered between sleep and death, two things that sometimes looked horribly similar like only siblings could.
The fever had ebbed away and risen again but never completely left him alone.
Neither had Rael.
Day and night they had remained by A’viloh’s bedside, refusing to leave unless it was really necessary.
Alphinaud had brought food and water for them both and sometimes even Tataru had joined them for breakfast or for dinner. Every now and then Lord Haurchefant had brought tea as well. All of them had tried to cheer Rael up and also tried to convince them to get some rest. Both very unsuccessfully. Although they appreciated the effort.
When they were alone Rael talked to A’viloh. They felt a little crazy for this because they didn’t know if A‘vi was hearing any of this at all but still… they sat down on the bed beside him, held his hand in theirs and told him everything they had ever wanted to tell him.
How much they admired him for the person he was, despite everything. How much they had enjoyed traveling with him and also how much of the world they still hoped to show him. All the places Rael had visited on their journey and thought A‘vi would love. They told him how much they wished they could show him Golmore. They sang him the lullabies their mother used to sing for them and told him everything about their home and also about themself. About all the qualities they lacked and he possessed. About his kindness and how he so easily won over the hearts of everyone he met. About how Rael finally understood what it felt like to be as terrified as him. The fear and the guilt. How sorry they were for not seeing that he hadn’t been okay.
The thought that maybe against all of their efforts A'viloh simply didnt want to wake up again almost made them cry once more. In the end Rael lay there beside him with their head rested on A‘viloh’s chest. His heartbeat the only solace for their sorrow, a lullaby for their troubled mind, their tired eyelids almost closed.
„Wake up, A‘vi… Please. Just say something…“, they whispered a final plea.
Apart from the crackle of the fireplace and the wind rattling at the window the room was silent.
Almost asleep suddenly a quiet raspy sound startled them.
„…Rael?“
In surprise the viera shot up and indeed saw tired green eyes slowly squinting at them.
„What are you doing here?“, A‘viloh‘s voice asked hoarsely.
„A‘vi!“, Rael exclaimed in disbelieve and realised how stupid this must look. Hurriedly they jumped up, pretending to get him some water to hide how embarrassed they were. „How are you feeling? Does anything hurt? Here! You should drink something! I‘ll go and ask for some soup too, you really need to -“
A’viloh chuckled and made them stop. Confused Rael turned around and looked at him cheekily grinning.
„What?“, they blurted out awkwardly.
The Miqo'te shook his head. „Nothing… Soup would be great, I think I am starving… and also thank you for worrying about me.“
„You are such an idiot, you know that?“, Rael asked while crossing their arms in front of their chest and staring at him in the best imitation of anger they could pull off.
A’viloh just laughed. This time Rael was wary to trust it.
Oh, they would give him quite a lecture! It was a good thing he couldn’t run off in his condition. But first they would get some food.
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#ffxiv writing#ff14 screenshots#ffxiv screenshots#ffxiv gpose#gpose#Aviloh Tia#Rael Hyskaris#the title is the name of a song because I was uncreative and I will use every possibility to show you her songs#I will put the link in the comments in case anyone cares#I edited the pictures because the in-game weather was so underwhelming…#They call it SNOWSTORM and there are like 5 tiny snowflakes???#not much rambling this time because I honestly dont know what possessed me to write 4200 words...#I considered cutting this in half but I didnt want to leave you with a mean cliffhanger#And you wouldnt have believed me that I was going to kill off A'vi anyway right?#RIGHT?!#A good chunk of the second half was never planned like this...#then I looked at some of my favourite screenshots and decided to add the last bit from A'vi's PoV#This is for you! I know you are reading this and I know you miss Laqa: So here he is like you always imagined A'vi would dream about him!#<3#And the last bit with Rael made me struggle because i wasnt sure how in-character this would be for them.#They got attached to this silly little miqo more than they care to admit haha...#I like to think that while Rael doesnt like hugs and stuff like that in general they got a little used to it with A'vi...#They also know that it comforts him so...#Can you imagine A'vi's confusion waking up with that grumpy bun cuddled up to him? :D#He messed up and he knows that so he doesnt tease Rael about being flustered xD#And how can Rael be angry with him if they are just so happy he woke up!
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm pretty worn out from today. i might go to bed early.
#friday chats#i'll probably wake up at like 3am and be unable to fall back asleep so if that happens i'll probably pop back up on here#or i'll try to do some writing#but in the meantime i'm just tired#my cousin's visit went well i think. she was nice#but between her + her family + my family i really felt like the odd one out#it was pretty jarring#like i know i'm weird and i like being weird but not so much when i'm the only weird guy in the room#made me feel a bit like a different species. which is dumb but like yknow what i mean?#it usually happens when i'm at any gathering with my extended family#but that's usually grandparents/family friends so i can pretend it's bc they're from a different generation and whatnot#i just felt uncomfortably out of place the whole time#which makes it sound like it was a really bad time; it wasn't too terrible. i liked her. i'd be willing to hang out w/her occasionally.#it was just the ratio of normal people : me was. something. i didn't like it#so here's hoping my roommates are at least a little bit strange too
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
little soup cans are some of the neatest things we have, wish there were more soup-can-like things in this world
#just me hi#though canopeners need to stop being deadly weapons to some degree before that hfhs#'they're not deadly tho ?' well usually yes. but did you know that they can age Badly? i did not!#and the one I was using was dulled to an extent that it would Skip over a part of the can#(nearly the same spot every time lol) and when I thought I'd managed to fool it and had only#the tiniest bit of metal between me and some beans (pretty sure it was beans) I thought#'ohh I'll just pull up the can lid :)' Well the lid snapped off completely towards and Into my hand#and I had a bean-can wound on my pinky for about a week or so. I do not know how long it's been lol#//but soup cans are pretty cool I feel like they're kinda underappreciated !!#you can just have Soup ? Whenever ??? and it's Normal !! wow :D#sure making soup is pretty great. but that's a process man. and we're not even associates#[<- 'a process I am (not) intimate with']#like there is a little can of menudo in the pantry rn - medunito they call it isn't that just !! - and it's just there. it can be made in#like 10 minutes. is this Not the best thing ever ! ?#//I've also gotta figure out this sleeping thing that I've got going on (everybody has it going on)#I was maybe half a week into actually have a consistent thing going but the night I stopped was bc I am a sucker of a storyteller and we#were up til about. I think 4-6 a.m.#that's on me yes. my siblings vs. my desire to tell stories and rubber willpower hfbdh#a deadly match truly#and also I lost my snoopy watch (RIP snoopy watch you will be missed (I can't find it send help Waough)) and that was the only clock I had#in this room so now if I wanna know the time I have to go the living room - which is like a whole dang thing lemme tell you about it#/first I've gotta get up - easiest thing by far - and get to the door - assuming I don't get KO'd by my siblings' belongings on the floor -#get to the door. the door Is broken to some extent. opening it means a loud THDPD noise is sent throughout the entire house lol. and you#have to yank on the thing to get it open - so double effort there - and then you step out into the hallwayish area where you can then enter#the living room - oh so easy! but No! you then have to either turn on the kitchen lights and wake everyone with their door open or sleeping#in the living room for whatever reason Orrr you have to clamber over chairs pots perhaps a cat if you've got real bad luck that night to ge#up nice n personal to the clock so you can read the dang thing and see it's 11:23. which is like nothing so you stay up Anyway and do not#check the clock again because not only was that a hassle but also you released every creature that was in the room with you (that's a lot o#noise). but Yea the clock situation is ongoing hfbsh#'why don't you get a clock' that would be much too easy loll :) (last one disappeared and we keep forgetting lol) //ran out of tag space so
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Song of the Day: June 1
"Easy Come, Easy Go” by George Strait
#song of the day#I lost track of time even more than I already had and forgot to call an end to Friday#Friday was essentially the same day as Thursday is the thing. song would've been 'Crucible' by Sleigh Bells#same album and all#today-yesterday (Saturday) I slept a lot but in the weirdest chunks and when I was awake mostly I was still pretty out of it#I got to see more FFXIV stuff and hear a little from some friends I've really missed#it was lovely#uh I'm trying to think what else was yesterday-today#the garden work which is why George Strait is today's song#too fuzz-brained to remember anything fancy but there's a handful of songs I could sing drunk & upside-down at the end of the world#'Easy Come Easy Go' and 'Go On' and 'I'd Just As Soon Go' and 'If It's Gonna Rain' and 'If You Can Do Anything Else'#'I Can Still Make Cheyenne' and 'Amarillo By Morning' and 'Ocean Front Property in Arizona'#always love George Strait#I made more cheddar-dill bread! it just finished cooling so that was definitely today#it's a little over-sugared because I wasn't paying attention but still pretty good#I'll be out of dill after the next loaf (until my plants grow a bit more for me. lovely things) so I'm thinking onion & mushroom soup mixes#maybe without cheese? or just with parmesan maybe. I'll have to see#more than anything what I need to do tomorrow is answer all my messages#I haven't been all of me together with free time and internet much and all these notifications are going unread#I am eternally grateful for what patient friends I have <3#I'm going to sleep now and when I wake up maybe I'll have an entire brain again
2 notes
·
View notes