#but this character inspires me to create and grow in my own weird way

[skyyxlite]

coloring practice bc idk how to do that

[msbutterfly5294]

< I Don’t Think It’s Talked About Enough. . . - Creative Edition >

I don’t think it’s talked about enough when a Creative has the itch to create but cannot put anything down . For example , writing . The Creative may know the exact sequence of events to occur in a scene but once the document or paper is ready , nothing comes out .

I don’t think it’s talked about enough that a Creative listening to music is important when creating art or a story . The beat , the lyrics , the vocals , it all connects with the stories . We are most likely daydreaming which characters are doing what based on a song and it guides us to exactly where we need to go .

I don’t think it’s talked about enough that when a Creative presents you their art or story , they trust you with a piece of themself . Some Creatives ( like myself ) have been working on one or more stories for over ten years . We have continued to develop , create , and destroy our stories over and over and over and over and over and over and over again because they aren’t exactly our children. . .

But a part of us . We change thus our stories did .

I don’t think it’s talked about enough when a Creative shows you their work and once a slight uninterested appearance or words are exchanged , we either close the story(ies) , put our sketch books away , and try to conceal it . I think of it as the same feelings of being rejected or even abandoned by those you present it to . These creative endeavors are a literal part of our dedication , our spirit , and when we are told “ we’re being too much ” , “ It’s weird / We’re weird . ” , “ It’s dumb . It’s too complicated . It’s too. . . ”

I think in some cases , it’s suppose to be that way . Humans are complicated , and it’s represented in our creativity .

I don’t think it’s talked about enough that sometimes Creatives grow apathetic of their own work(s) . We stay up late nights writing , drawing , crafting . Our brains don’t stop thinking about how the characters need this or that , how they get to it , why didn’t it work , what happens next , how does this character work or fight with this character ? The plot needs this for the theme , shoot what’s the theme mean in literature , this happens in the world and how does that affect the world , creatures , and characters ? Shoot what was that word again. . . ?

Stopped .

I’m staring at the screen .

Were these stories worth it ?

Was my years of dedication all for nothing ?

Am I even worth it ?

I mean , come on , msbutterfly5294 , you have drawn some awesome pieces for the these stories ! I mean , look at these papers filled with words that blend and make sense , the stories can capture mystery and emotion , descriptions are great ! Why don’t you continue ?

Because. . . It’s a beautiful disease much like love . It infects the entirety of us . I remember the many nights my big brother ( who is my cousin ) came over to show us Legend Of Zelda games and he would tell me all about his stories , lore , world building and characters . That was years ago as a very young teenager to late teens . I don’t fully know when he started his journey , but I know he loves those characters and stories with all his heart .

And by stars , it is beautiful to know someone with that much passion . He inspired me to follow my dreams along with my big sister ( also my cousin ) . She taught me art and resilience , he taught me storytelling and dedication .

I wouldn’t be here today without them .

. . . I don’t think it’s talked about enough. . . That a Creative wouldn’t be here today without those beautiful people who do care and encourage them to keep creating . Keep being passionate . Keep writing . Keep drawing .

Keep being you .

And be proud of it .

[satureja13]

As a story teller, what advice would you give to fellow Simmers who want to start a story but struggle?

For example: How did you start story telling and which obstacles did you have to shove out of the way to finally start? What made it easier for you to put yourself out there? Did you gain any personal rewards/benefits by telling your stories? How do you set up a story post? Pics first or plotting the episode? Where do you find inspiration? What did you wish you knew earlier? Or anything else that comes to your mind that could be of any help. I see quite a lot of posts from struggling future story tellers and I thought it would be nice to collect a few tips.

Questions are very welcome too!

(My answers below the cut)

How to actually start:

I do read quite a lot and also watch series and movies - and what really turns me off is an infodump at the beginning. So I try to avoid that. And that also makes it easy to start. All the lore and background stories can happen later and you don't have to plot that out before you start. (Our current story started as a playtest and hundreds of episodes later, we have a lore as deep as the Mariana Trench ö.Ö') So don't let it stop you. It all evolves over time, when you ask yourself: Why did x have to move and go to a new school? Why is y restraining himself to hit on the cute guy? Why is z so annoyed of y and why is he the only one who thinks like this? How do they cope with stuff that happens to them? Why does x react in another way than y on the same event? ... There is a plot behind literally everything if you just take your time and look closely. Like a three year old child: "Why do we eat cute animals?" ö.ö' Showing your character's feelings and why they are who they are also helps you and the reader to form a connection to them. It never ceases to amaze me when story tellers are able to create characters that grow on you even though they are annoying and vulnerable and have flaws. (Like Terry Pratchett for example, or the characters in The Big Bang Theory.)

Which obstacles did you have to shove out of the way to finally start? I have a few obstacles to overcome putting my stories out there. ADHD often keeps me from concentrating and getting things done. It's hard to stick with something when you're distracted all the time. And I have a weird way of thinking. I'm also autistic and writing about feelings and how others think and stuff, is so, so hard for me. My stories are weird because of all of that and I know it. But I think they are quite unique and fun because of that and I wouldn't want it any other way :3 Plus my english isn't very good. Writing in a different language is quite an obstacle to overcome ö.Ö' But I can't write anything in my native language, I even take my notes in english. I have no idea why. Just sounds wrong to me.

What made it easier for me? - starting slowly I started this tumblr over ten years ago to post about my builds. Only a few people saw and liked my stuff so I got bolder and also shared gameplay pics and, after a while, a few stories. - passion I love my Sims, I think that helps a lot. After all these years, I'm still eager to see what they are up to and to tell about their shenanigans and adventures. - keeping expectations low Of you and your audience. It does not have to be perfect and not everyone will like what you do. That's just a fact. You'll get better at your own pace. I think tumblr is the perfect place to start a story, because if someone doesn't like your stuff, they don't have to follow you. - it's an outlet for my creativity. My ADHD brain is running on warp speed. Sitting down and putting some of these ideas and thoughts in a shape and make them real is relieving for me - and exciting! What rewards/benefits did/do I gain? - learning new stuff: I'm still learning english and just a few days ago, I shed tears of joy because I could finally understand an american series without subtitles! Also Photo editing. I kept looking for better ways to edit my screenshots and I learned so much! My Sims even inspired me to craft some stuff in RL ^^' - changing my point of view Telling about 6 different charcters is quite a challenge. Things that happen to them affect them in different ways and they have their own way to cope with stuff. They helped my autistic me a lot to make me see what's going on with people around me and to understand them.

- healing Seeing how the characters in my story cope with hardships and following them through difficult times helped me a lot. I could never express how glad and grateful I am I started all this. But I am. - fun I'm having fun doing what I do. And I think that's the motor that runs this whole thing. I think the readers can feel if you're commited to what you do.

How do I set up a story post? I have a rough idea where the story is going and what's supposed to happen next. Then I go ingame and take the screenshots, my Sims add a few ideas themselves - and I go with it. I write the post around the screenshots and what happened ingame. Like this, it's still surprising and thrilling - even for me, the story teller.

Where do I find inspiration? My brain goes without filters and I need a lot of time to get back on track after challenging days. But this sponge in my head also soaks up so many ideas! I get inspired by anything. Music, series, things I see... Sometimes, that sponge gets squished and I get to see glimpsesof future episodes and I just think 'whoa!' and take notes.

What advice can I give? Use the things that keep you from starting to your advantage - to make your story special and unique. Don't worry too much. Other people don't see things as serious as you might think. Write for your own healing and growth. There are mutuals who will like what you have to tell. You don't have to please everybody. Read others' stories, watch movies/series you like and note what you liked or disliked. That gives you a rough direction of where your story could go (that was a great advice from youtuber Grayson Taylor, link is below).

What I wish I knew earlier? That there are great youtube channels for writers! I know, that's kind of obvious, but I don't feel like a writer. I barely managed to finish school. And I thought those channels might be too sophisticated and dry, you know? But there are aweome ones. Like Grayson Taylor (who is an author) and Bookfox, (who is editor and author), for example.

You'll never know where it leads. Our current story started when I made four of my favourite adult Sims teenagers to check out the Highschool Years pack. That was ~ 2 1/2 years ago - and I hated school from the bottom of my heart, so I was very sure this wouldn't take long and we could go back to our ongoing story (spoiler: we didn't...). And: the first chapters the Boys spent at school were truely healing for me. I didn't plan anything of it ^^'

Don't be afraid. I'm here on tumblr for over ten years and I never got any hate on my stories or the other stuff I post. Though, I turned anon off. You decide what you see on your dash, that's the great thing here on tumblr. You just get as much drama as you invite in. For me, tumblr is my save place and I still say this is one of the best communities I've ever been part of (on and off line). Thank you <3

[runninriot]

inspired by the prompt Love is being able to say you’re sorry and mean it by @eyesofshinigami for @steddielovemonth day 23

sorry, not sorry

wc: 1688 | rated: t | tags: Robin Buckley is fed up with her idiot friends, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson are oblivious and they’re bad at feelings, Love Confessions, Idiots to Lovers

„Why should I say sorry when he is the one acting weird. I didn’t do anything! It’s not my fault he doesn’t like me.” Steve looks at her, lips forming a bitchy pout, acting annoyed at her for bringing it up – like he really believes his own words and Robin is the one who just doesn’t get it.

Robin rolls her eyes.

God, she wants to strangle him sometimes. And Eddie, too. They are both so stupid, acting like they don’t like each other when everyone and their mother can see the longing looks they throw at each other whenever they are in the same room.

It’s been driving her mad.

They’ve been dancing around each other for weeks now, putting up fronts, acting like they just barely tolerate each other’s presence. Like they are forced to get along because of their mutual friends.

It’s bullshit. Sure, these two would’ve never met if it wasn’t for the little shitheads they both took under their wings (or maybe Dustin and his friends are actually the ones that took Eddie and Steve under theirs because the teens are clearly a lot more mature than these two idiots) but now that their worlds have collided, it’s so obvious that there is a connection between them neither wants to admit to.

   “You could’ve at least asked him to come?”

   “Robs, he didn’t even look at me when he came in earlier. What makes you think he wants to come to my place when he made it clear that he hates everything about the idea of spending time there?”

Steve is having a party on Saturday, invited everyone over, except for Eddie. Not because he purposely meant to exclude him but because Eddie’s been teasing him about it all week. Whenever Steve mentioned his plans, Eddie made a silly comment about how lame it sounds. ‘Bet the music will be all pop and no taste.’ – ‘Just beer? Come on, Harrington, grow up.’ – ‘Oh, a sleepover? Great! Are we gonna do pillow fights and face masks and all that fancy shit, too?’

Yeah, maybe Steve has a point. Eddie really didn’t make it seem like he wanted to be part of it. And it’s not really Steve’s fault for not understanding that Eddie is doing that out of self-protecting reasons. That he’d rather pretend to hate the idea of spending the night at Steve’s than having to live with the rejection of Steve not wanting him there in the first place. Steve is oblivious.

And obviously, Eddie is too.

And okay, Steve hasn’t exactly been showing Eddie that he cares for him either. Always pretends to be annoyed at him. Always bitching about the stupidest and most inane things like – ‘Yeah how about you grow up Mr Dungeon Master?! Aren’t you a little too old to keep playing games with teens?’ – ‘Jesus, Eddie, you know there’s a thing called hair brush one can use to tame that frizzy mop on your head?’ – ‘No thank you, I don’t want to be driving around in your van. That thing looks like it’s gonna fall apart any second.’

They’re constantly bickering and bantering, always so quick to be at each other’s throats. That is, until they think that no one is looking.

Because Steve actually loves to listen to Eddie talk when he’s leading the teens through a campaign, uses all these various voices to interpret the different characters he created.

And Robin just knows Steve’s finger itch to take care of Eddie’s unruly curls himself but he would never offer, would never say it out loud.

Robin can see the way Eddie’s gaze follows Steve around Family Video when he’s talking to her while Steve is attending to another customer – a sickly sweet smile on his lips, with eyes that are basically heart-shaped.

The way he blushes whenever Steve walks around shirtless and in his stupid, tiny shorts (ugh, men), tries and fails so hard every time not to stare with his mouth hanging open.

It’s like they’re both so desperately trying to convince themselves that they hate each other, when all of their stolen glances and hidden smiles keep giving them away.

   “You know how stubborn he is. I am pretty sure he would’ve said yes. But you didn’t ask and maybe now he thinks you don’t want him there. Did you think about that?”

Steve worries his bottom lip, looks like he’s contemplating what to say.

   “He hates me,” is all he offers and the sadness in his eyes breaks Robin’s heart.

-

   “Talk to him, Eddie.”

   “Pff, why should I? I’m not that desperate to attend some stupid party. What do you want me to say to him? Hey, sorry for making fun of you, could I maybe still get a pity invite so I don’t have to spend my Saturday alone and miserable while you’re all having a fun time? Yeah, no. Thanks.”

She’s gonna lose it with these two at some point. Robin has been trying. Beating around the bush, talking about that stupid party like it is the real problem just because neither Steve nor Eddie are ready to admit what it is really about.

   “What if I want you there. You’re my friend and I want to spend time with you too.”

   “I appreciate it, Bucks. I really do. And I love to hang out with you any time. But this is Steve’s party and if he doesn’t want me there, I have to accept it.”

She wants to shake him. Yell at him to drop the act and be fucking for real, just once.

   “Edward Albert Munson.”

The use of his full name has the desired effect of getting his full attention, eyes blown wide and his expression a mix of appalled and impressed.

   “Can you, for the love of anything that’s holy, stop pretending to be so above everything and just tell him already?!”

She knows it’s a little unfair to put that burden on Eddie when she could’ve told Steve the same. But she knows that between the two, Eddie will be easier to convince.

   “What are you talking about?” Eddie tries, but the blush on his cheeks tells her he knows exactly what she means.

   “You know what I’m talking about. I’m sick and tired of watching you guys pining for each other when you could’ve been making out for weeks now if you would just fucking talk.”

   “What?!” This time, Eddie seems genuinely stunned.

   “You two are perfect for each other. You’re both incredibly stupid and so far up your own asses, that you don’t see what you’re missing out on.”

She crosses her arms before her chest, suppresses the urge to smile triumphantly when she sees Eddie crumble as the realisation hits.

-

Steve is in the kitchen, preparing some snacks and drinks, when the doorbell rings. Everyone is already there, they’re all in the living room having a great time, so Steve thinks it might just be their pizza delivery.

   “Robs, can you get that?”

There’s no answer. Either she doesn’t hear him over the music or, more likely, she ignores him. Steve huffs, drops the bag of chips on the counter and goes to open the door.

He’s fumbling with his wallet, not even looking at the person standing on the bottom of his front steps, when a familiar voice gets his attention.

   “Hey, Steve.”

   “Eddie? What are you-“

Steve’s heart suddenly picks up speed when his eyes drift to Eddie’s lips, a small, shy smile tugging at the corners.

   “I wanted to apologize. I’ve been-“

   “No problem, man! I gotta say sorry, too. I should’ve just invited you and stop making such a big deal out of it.”

   “Not about- okay, yeah that too but- I’m sorry for being a dick. I’m sorry for- for not being honest with you. And I get that this not the best timing but a little bird told me to man up and-“

Steve’s mind is racing. He doesn’t have a clue where Eddie is going with this. Or maybe he does but he doesn’t want to hold up his hopes because surely, Eddie isn’t going to say what he wants him to.

   “I’m not sorry for making you feel like I don’t like you because the truth is, I don’t.”

Steve looks down at his own feet, needs a moment to process, a moment to breathe.

    Huh?

  “It’s more like, I’m totally gone for you, Steve. I want you in ways that scare me. I’m sorry for making you think I’m not head over heels in love with you and your stupid perfect hair and your annoying kindness and just... everything about you that’s had me losing sleep for weeks now.”

  “Oh.”

   “I’m sorry, Eddie,” he says when he looks back up, tries not to sound too excited because he feel like he deserves just a little revenge for the way Eddie phrased his earth shattering confession and nearly gave Steve a heart attack with it.

But then Eddie’s eyes fill with tears and there’s defeat written on his face and-

 No, that’s not what Steve wants.

   “I’m sorry for not doing this sooner.”

He surges forward, nearly misses a step when he flings himself at Eddie, wraps his arms around the other man’s neck and draws him into a kiss.

The kiss is desperate, full of regret for depriving himself of the wonderful feeling of Eddie’s plush lips on his. Dripping with want, spilling all the words he didn’t say, words he wants Eddie to know, to feel in every part of his body.

    I’m sorry for not telling you that I love you.

They are too caught up in the moment; too busy making out to notice Robin standing in the doorway, who came looking for Steve. There’s a huge smile on her face and she knows she’ll regret it because they will be insufferable together. But right now, all she is sorry for is not stepping in sooner.

Because they might be idiots but they’re her idiots and they deserve to be in love.

[omnium-gatherums]

Wow, a lot can happen in the span of, like, two-three days, huh.

I feel like In Stars and Time has inspired me to really want to break out of this cage I feel like we've been in with "being "Ethan.""

In the game, there is a religion based around change. They believe in the Change God and in general, the people following the Change Belief actively strive towards changing - changing their bodies (there is a magic craft type of thing that lets people change their bodies. With some limitations), changing their personalities, their names.

I really, really like this a lot and one character in particular talks about how he didn't like who he was, so he just. Changed himself. And it made me realize I could do the same thing?

It never really occurred to me that you can just do that lmao. I mean, it's not like it's. Like. Easy, I guess. And for the game, for people following the Change Belief, it's much more complex and much more "extreme" (like people are given SEVERAL names instead of a first name/first/last/middle, it's even more than that, multiple first names, for many different reasons, but Changing Yourself to be someone else is part of that reason).

It's a bit more "literal" (in quotes because I know that's not what DID is) in our case because duh DID lmao. But like I saw that and I realized that I can also just.. Stop "being "Ethan"" if I want to.

I think one main reason I haven't really tried harder to break out of this cage is because "Ethan" is just.. Familiar, I guess, and like, I'm still.. Eef Cat (our cat identity). But also not. NFKJSNFAKD And because of the general anxiety about what other people would say, what people would think.

Worrying people are gonna think I'm roleplaying, faking, or being dramatic or Something, but I also realize that I need to stop caring about what other people are thinking or how they're feeling about us, about our recovery, about the ways we express ourselves.

I think it's interesting when people talk about "forcing individuality" onto alters or something because I honestly feel like trying to break out of "singularity"/"being a "singlet"" (or more like "presenting" as a singlet I guess lol) is what we really need.

I never got to express myself growing up, and that means WE never got to express ourselves growing up.

And in some ways - a lot of ways - identity was forced onto us and controlled rather than something I could find, something I could 'create'.

Like being forced to wear clothes I didn't want or like; being forced to have my hair a specific way I didn't want or like; And, I mean in the context of some possible abuse we've gone through, identities - alters - were created and molded to suit other people's needs.

I actually feel like it's MORE stressful trying to force ourselves into this One Singular Box, this "Singlet" "identity" I guess? It's stressful to try and hide that my therapist feels like a stranger, or that I want to behave a certain way but feel worried about judgement or that I want to introduce myself as "someone else" but feel worried about people's reactions, etc.

It's really stressful to try and be something you aren't - I think that people without CDDs generally find it stressful and tiring trying to 'mask' and hide who they really are, so of course it's stressful to be a specific alter, to have my own ways of behaving, my own feelings, etc. and to try and force myself outside of what feels comfortable to me in order to keep up a facade of being a Singlet

When my therapist feels like a stranger to me, it helps so much more to have it acknowledged and to have it be Okay and to have it be a thing that just happens sometimes and it's not weird or made into this weird thing or a huge deal, but it's ACKNOWLEDGED and I don't have to pretend that she isn't like a stranger to me and it's so nice.

It feels.. Euphoric??? Like it feels really euphoric to be acknowledged and SEEN as, like. YOU, a specific alter, and not just "(body name/name you go by collectively/etc.)"

Each time our therapist has known who was fronting, it's felt so euphoric and validating NFKDSNAKJ

And also freaky lmfao

Like hey wait excuse me how do you know who I am when I don't NFKJDSANFKJNDKL

I feel like when people say "don't force individuality" or like they're fearing this vague idea of alters being "separate people" they're equating worsening dissociation (like worse amnesia, etc.) with alters who are able to express themselves individually and these things should stop being equated.

I feel like "worse amnesia and dissociation = alters expressing themselves and BEING their own individuals = BAD" is such a common sentiment/belief and it's so frustrating.

It's funny, too, because it's typically the exact opposite way around, actually. Worsening dissociation and amnesia is usually resulting in a person who is much less aware of their alters, system, DID symptoms, etc., and is thus what people's idea of a "covert system" would be.

People who are much more aware of their system and alters typically have less amnesia.

…Because they are more aware..

Because dissociation inherently tries to hide these things from you.

Hide your alters, hide your symptoms, hide your trauma, hide your amnesia.

[cosmiclion]

If you thought I couldn't outdo myself more with the fluff for this AU then you haven't seen my true power yet 😈

I don't know if I got OCiel's bangs right but, realistically speaking, human hair never stays in the same place, that's how physics works so whatever lmao.

Anyway, trying to write a Black Butler AU with some fluff where Sebastian and Ciel have a parent-child like relationship WHILE keeping them in-character (Sebas more than Ciel tbh) and still basing it on canon material but making changes and making said changes make sense requires a bit of work ngl.

I mean, I know it's just a project I'm doing for fun and technically there's nothing stopping me from going nuts and making them completely OOC and disregarding canon at all, but I feel then it'd become a separate story with new, original characters who simply happen to be inspired by Kuro (which is also okay, and who knows, maybe in the future I'll repurpose the whole thing to create my own Kuro-inspired original story, even if I don't think I'll ever fully lose interest in Kuro, this cursed series has me in a chokehold lmao). Full ramble under the cut.

Sebastian is the hardest one to write, though I think I'm finally more or less figuring it out. I didn’t want to write him as suddenly learning to love the way humans do thanks to the power of cute children or something, as it just didn't feel natural (or I couldn't personally make it feel natural, I know other people have managed to write that concept very well). What I have so far is that when he does act nurturing he’s simply imitating the behavior of human parents he has observed, but he doesn’t love the kid the same way humans do because he literally doesn’t have that ability. BUT that doesn’t mean he feels nothing at all and that it doesn’t mean anything to Ciel, after all this weird creature is the one who saved his life and raised him with care and patience. The closest comparison I can think of is the relationship between people and “unusual” pets like reptiles, amphibians, insects, etc. We know they can’t love us the way other people (or even other mammals) would but that doesn’t make our bond any less significant! Some bits of canon material also come in handy here, for example I based the fact that familiar Sebas finds Ciel adorable as a kitten on the canon fact that he likes squishing his cheeks because they remind him of a cat's paws 😂 Just know he's an awkward demon who doesn't know how to human but is doing his best 🥺

I think in Ciel’s case I have more freedom since he is, after all, human, and a human’s personality is strongly shaped by their environment and life experiences. Like, what exactly counts as making a character OOC? Sure, I can agree that in a fanwork set in the exact same universe with the exact same events as in canon there’s some things a character would never say or do, but I think AUs were created as a way to explore what-if scenarios. What if this character had been raised by different people? What if they had grown up in a different place? What if this or that event hadn’t happened or had gone differently? Tbh I think it’s just fun to explore endless possibilities, it’s maybe a form of character analysis in some way. And if we think about it, canonverse Ciel was originally sweet, shy and affectionate, and if he’s the complete opposite now it’s only because he went through an utterly horrific and traumatic event that forced him to grow up before his time and toughen himself up because it left him with little to no support system, on top of having to be hyper vigilant because the only thing that "saved" him from that is a literal demon who wants his soul and is haunting him.

So I just wanted to create this alternative timeline where maybe things aren’t as terrible, or they start out as terrible but then some good things come from the most unexpected sources. Ciel is five years younger and thus has more time to process everything and try to heal as he grows up. Sebas isn’t entirely a bastard and willingly does nice things for the child, even if he still doesn’t understand human needs, and while he stills views him as a potential meal (at least at the beginning) he's actually respectful. There’s another demon who understands humans all too well and is happy to lend a hand. His friends and the relatives he has left are more involved in his life. So Ciel more or less has a support system now, albeit a weird dysfunctional one, and doesn’t entirely lose his sweetness (also like... he's 5/6 at the beginning of the story, we really can't expect a preschooler to be an edgy emo who craves violence and revenge ☠️). I imagine he grows up to be just as calculating and cunning as canonverse Ciel, maybe even just as ruthless in his job because it’s a requirement, and is still pretty much a little shit, but this Ciel is not as cold and undemonstrative. He’s still very much an introvert who prefers to be left alone, but he smiles (as in genuinely smile) more often and it’s a little easier for him to express emotions and feelings (more through actions than words, but still meaningful). Hell he may allow himself to be playful and silly sometimes if he’s in the moment.

And if it wasn’t clear from the picture, little Ciel ADORES Sebastian. Sure he's (understandably) a bit skittish around him at first, but once they bond he comes to fully view him as a parental figure. Yes, he's hurt, sad and traumatized, but he's still a resilient little kid, and with enough kindness Sebas can coax his old self to come out of his shell, and until the kid becomes more independent they're like a mama duck and her lil duckling. Their constant banter and bickering when he's older is more a teens being teens thing than anything.

[gadzooksgalore]

I'm not entirely sure why but lately I've been in a very introspective mood when it comes to my art, specifically the attention (or lack thereof) it receives. So I'm gonna ramble a bit. Feel free to ignore this completely.

God has been growing me in a lot of ways over the past few years and I've finally reached a point where I no longer worry about/obsess over the amount of attention my work receives online. And gosh, it's seriously so freeing. To simply post something I made for the sake of sharing it, rather than wondering how many people will like it? It's a wonderful feeling. Don't get me wrong, I REALLY appreciate when people interact with my work and speak kindly about my stories/characters. It's something that inspires me to keep creating! But I'm just grateful that external influence no longer dictates the worth I attribute to my art. (Now the only problem is internal influence and comparison and my own stupid expectations...but that's a conversation for another day.)

At the same time, I realize my work never got much attention over the years because I didn't make enough art to warrant attention. And I think I always secretly knew this but seeing just how little people cared about my work still hurt. Even now, many of those who interact with my art are people I've initiated conversations with or consider friends - which I've come to realize is much more meaningful than the opinions of strangers, from my perspective. Regardless, consistency is very helpful when it comes to catching folks' attention within online spaces, and I recognize I just can't manage that. How many times did younger me feel terrible about herself simply because her sporadic art got a couple likes, or none at all? Sometimes I wish I could grab her shoulders and say, "The internet is a weird system and you can't keep up with it, so don't waste your feelings on this beast!"

I'd need two hands to count how many times I've wanted to create some sort of art-based ask blog, only to reach the conclusion that it'd be less disappointing not to try than to watch it fizzle out due to my own lack of ability. I've mostly come to terms with the fact that I'm just not fast, and that sometimes my 'best' is not very good. But aside from wanting to encourage interest from others on this site, there's always been a part of me that wished I could draw quickly and produce character art to bring life to the overwhelming amount of ideas in my head. For me.

I just wish I could draw what's floating around my mind, and in this particular season I wish I could draw at all. Not for anyone else but myself. To see the characters I created, drawn by my own hand. It's funny how priorities and perceptions change as you grow. Back then I wanted attention, but the only thing I want now is to be able to draw again.

[nickeverdeen]

Could I request an Arcane match up?

I'm a 5'0 trans guy, studying creative writing and with a diploma in childcare. I love writing, making collages and baking when I'm able to. I also love playing video games, even if I really suck at them.

I'm pretty badly chronically ill, I essentially have the flu 24/7, and I'm severely mentally ill with complex ptsd, which mainly means I can't control my emotions at all and have a tendency to overreact and I struggle with hella nightmares. I also have autism, adhd and just a niiice long list of shit going on! But it's okay we ball

I love pink, sanrio and generally soft things. I used to do taekwondo and love running before I got sick, and I also used to paint and love studying before I got sick too, though now I can't do any of the above since I'm in a wheelchair if I leave the house and I struggle to retain new information.

I have a real deep love for CaitVi tbh.. only thing that could get between me and my bf is a poly with them 🙏 so scared for the next season tbh

I've been described as the human version of fluttershy, but I've also been described as very stubborn and sarcastic. I generally have to be reliant on others due to my health, but I love people very very deeply

I'm looking for romantic match ups, out of sheer curiosity, and also because I have arcane ocs I ship with certain people and I'd be curious to see who they'd be matched up to.. I just feel a bit weird asking for my ocs to be matched up LOL

Your Arcane match is…

Viktor

Viktor would love hearing about your creative writing and would often ask to read your work, offering thoughtful feedback

He’d see your words as a window into your soul and cherish them deeply

Aware of your physical limitations, Viktor would design small gadgets to make your daily life more comfortable

He’d do it subtly, ensuring you never feel pitied

He would encourage you to take breaks when your health limits your activities, reminding you that rest is an act of strength, not weakness

Viktor might initially be unfamiliar with your love for Sanrio but would grow to adore it

You’d catch him researching characters to surprise you with themed gifts

He’d make sure your shared space is filled with cozy blankets, plush pillows, and calming lights, creating a sanctuary for both of you

Viktor, though reserved about his own struggles, would find solace in opening up to you about his insecurities, knowing you’d never judge him

After a nightmare, Viktor would hold your hand or softly hum while you ground yourself, offering quiet, unwavering support

Your stubbornness and sarcasm would amuse Viktor, and he’d counter with his dry wit, creating playful banter that lightens heavy moments

When you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, Viktor would remind you that it’s okay to feel deeply, offering calm words and a safe space to process

Your love for collages would inspire Viktor to collaborate with you, combining your artistic touch with his meticulous design to create something meaningful

He’d eagerly join you in baking, even if he’s not particularly skilled

His attempts at decorating cookies would make you laugh until your sides hurt

Despite being analytical, Viktor wouldn’t excel at video games either, but playing together would become a beloved pastime filled with laughter and learning

Knowing you love running and taekwondo but can no longer participate, Viktor would find ways to bring the joy of movement back into your life, like scenic wheelchair strolls or virtual fitness games

Viktor would notice your needs before you voice them, from fetching water during a coughing fit to gently guiding you to rest when you’re overexerted

Both of you have faced significant challenges, and your relationship would thrive on the mutual recognition of each other’s resilience and determination

You’d spend evenings cuddled on the couch, Viktor engrossed in his work while you write or make collages

The quiet companionship would be a balm for your souls

Viktor would integrate subtle pink elements into his workspace to match your aesthetic, from a pen holder to small Sanrio-themed decorations

Your love for learning, though hindered by your health, would inspire Viktor to create innovative ways for you to absorb information, like audiobooks or interactive tools

Viktor would fiercely advocate for your needs, whether in a medical setting or navigating daily life, ensuring your voice is heard and respected

Despite both of your struggles, Viktor’s love for you would be steadfast, rooted in admiration for your kindness, creativity, and determination

[howetragic]

DARP Advent 2024: Day Six

HALFWAY THERE!

Let's talk about INFLUENCES and ADMIRATION! Mun Portion!:

1. What inspired you to get into DARP? Former RP experiences? Just a love for the games? Oh boy. So I actually have a looooooong history of RP since I was in like middle school??? My best friend in the entire world and I actually met on Neopets!!! on the RP boards. I was in this group called the Annoyers and we would "raid" creepy/weird RP threads and/or just flood the boards. Some of us got banned. I then went on to lead this group in a multi-fandom mix of boards. We had a b2g board and a... gosh I can't remember what it's called. We were also on Gaia Online. I was a moderator with Dragon Ball Z / greek mythology muses (hilarious spread there, I know). Then I got on Tumblr, I started writing Dragon Age fanfic for my Hero of Ferelden. And Shink, Pandy, and Tabbi were foolish enough to allow me to RP with them on my personal blog until I finally took the leap and made myself an RP blog and the rest is kind of like history. 2. Name one (or a couple) of your fellow writers that you think are neat, and why! Can be famous, on Tumblr, in your real life, on AO3, whatever. My baes both on AO3 and here are @theshirallen and @theharellan, and I'm also in love with @fatedvoyage, @turlums, @mercysought. Can't recommend those nerds enough. 3. Has anyone in DARP (past or present!) really helped to define or reimagine a character for you? Or made you rethink perceptions that you held? Oh God yeah. Most notable being Tas with Solas - before I met Tas I didn't really give a shit about Solas and wasn't particularly interested in him or his story. Unfortunately for my brain if Inara doesn't Vibe with a character I don't pay too much attention to them at first, and Solas resided in that gray bubble. Tas made me love him and be fascinated even before that turned out to be a very plot-relevant thing to be. 4. What other fandoms/works/writers have influenced your writing style and the way that you view writing and creative expression? lololol maybe see above but overall my writing was influenced very early on by Douglas Adams and Phillip Pullman. I wanted to be magical, but also amusing. 5. Do you have any friends that have created a Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor/Rook that you've basically adopted? Yes. I still use Pandy's Hawke but also steal @fatedvoyage's Van. I love Thora for Inquisitor but am coming to love Asharen more and more since I've been back here, as well as @keepslore. There's a lot of great Rooks so far I'm sure I'll absorb one. 6. What's a fandom work (writing, art, etc) that you think is super cool and you wish more people would see it? Share it with us! I mentioned this Sebastian and Nathaniel fic from Gaia to @mournflame the other day and I think all of you should read it too.

Muse Portion!:

1. Who or what are some things/powers/people that your muse admires? Unfortunately for Nathaniel, his greatest hero was his father growing up. He admired the man very much. 2. Does your muse have a "hero" that they look up to from canon? In an extension of the above, Nathaniel saw Rendon as a hero for his contributions to the Rebellion. He really believed that his father was courageous and brave. 3. What legends, tales, or stories helped to form your muse's ideas of power and heroism? Many! He heard all the stories of the Heroes of the Rebellion as he grew up, from Maric and Loghain to his own father. Standing against the odds, acting noble even when your title has been stripped from you and taking back what is yours by right. Those are the stories that inspired him. 4. Conversely, what sort of legends, tales, or stories formed their idea of what a villain is? Much the same. Nathaniel does not care for Orlais, though chevaliers are a bit softer in his mind thanks to his time with his mother's cousin. 5. Are there other muses in DARP that your muse admires? Or reviles/fears? (be careful with that second one and be RESPECTFUL.) In DARP I think he would admire @mercysought's Anora. He begins hating every HOF that slaughtered his father but especially Couslands. 6. If your muse is someone who has companions or is one of the groups of companions from canon, how do they and their companions play off of each other? Are they friends? Enemies? Two dudes who'd cross the street to avoid each other? What are their most powerful connections within their "group"? He's got a wide variety in the Awakening crew. He and Sigrun are fairly close. He has a crush on Velanna, but she rebuffs him. Anders frustrates him, Oghren disgusts him. Justice... Justice tends to piss him off.

[hopeymchope]

Arisa Narumi, Puella Magi's bully-busting badass

Arisa Narumi is a character from the Puella Magi Suzune Magica spinoff. And although Mami Tomoe will always be my favorite Puella Magi character, Arisa is definitely up in my top five.

But why? What's so great about Arisa?

Arisa starts out as a shrinking violet who is brutally bullied, tormented, and beaten at school on a daily basis. So when Kyubey comes into her life? Her wish is obvious.

The day after her wish is granted, a group of girls comes around to mock her and demand tons of money from her or else they'll beat her down. And nervously, she finally speaks up for herself, letting them know that she'd like them to please leave her alone from now on.

They don't respond well. One immediately launches into attacking her. And Arisa? She catches the attacker's fist in midair...

...and slowly CRUSHES it.

The next day, we learn she sent the entire gang of bullies to the hospital. Even Arisa is shocked at her strength. Talk of it spreads throughout the school. The result is that now, she's no longer the pathetic target of everyone's unjustified hatred; now she's feared. And it gives her a confidence she's never experienced before.

It's such a satisfying, powerful turnaround, and it fills me with absolute delight every time I read it.

Now the other students whisper about her in hushed tones. They scurry away when she approaches. She's finally free to live her life, although it's not like any of this earns her any friends. Curious, she thinks, how her an increase in her strength has completely changed the way people interact with her.

But Arisa's newfound confidence soon turns to cockiness. She starts to skip school whenever she feels like, flouts school rules by eating during class, and during a montage we also see her using her newfound strength to rough up some guy—there's no context in the there, so we're left to wonder what he did to provoke this, but we can probably all fucking imagine. (The manga's artist later creates shareda short strip on his Twitter showing Arisa standing up to and beating two men who are sexually harrassing her, so... yeah.)

All of this earns her negative attention from another magical girl in her school—Chisato Shion. Chisato is a pretty strict rule-follower and decides to provoke a fight over it, but when she beats Arisa in combat? Arisa becomes positively suicidal. Poor Arisa felt like the ONLY thing she had going for her was her strength and ability to fight for herself now, and if she can't win a fight? She might as well die; after all, she claims it's not like she has anyone who'd care.

Luckily, Chisato cares. She dextends her hand in friendship, offering to bring Arisa into her own squad of magical girls and help her grow stronger in the process. So concludes the origin of Arisa Narumi.

What else can I say? Arisa's depression, loneliness, vengeful justice— I both relate to and adore it SO HARD. She is an inspiration, frankly.

If I have one complaint about her? It's that, well, her magical girl outfit is a bit tacky for my taste. Of course she can wear whatever she wants, but ultimately, this outfit was designed by a male artist; it wasn't truly chosen by the fictional teenage girl in question, ofc. :P Although it's not as revealing as most of the outfits the girls in Suzune Magica wear—which is a whole other kettle—she's still rocking some sort of weird boob targets, which comes up in damn near EVERY conversation you see about this character. Suffice to say that there's a reason why multiple users such as @thefairywithdrawings and @dullanyan took the time to make costume edits for the Magia Record art of damn near every Suzune Magica character or at least Arisa in particular, respectively.

I suppose that, given that we live in a world where I see girls of all ages walking around daily with similar clothing that puts focal patterns on their breasts and/or butt cheeks (spiral-boob shirts and "JUICY" shorts, anyone?), I can't say it's not realistic... but it feels like carrying that sort of self-sexualization into our fictional teenage girls feels unnecessary and a bit distasteful. You could argue it's representative of Arisa's newfound self-confidence, though?

Ultimately, I'm not going to let one pattern on her outfit define her character. Make no mistake: Arisa Narumi is a badass among magical girls and still an absolute legend in my book.

Keep on crushing bullies' fists, Arisa.

[gojoest]

I have so many thoughts about creep! bf gojo. Mainly bc he probably didn't get a lot of normal interactions as a kid, either he was being praised for being 'the chosen one' or left completely to his own devices. and so his sense of decency and normalcy are skewed so far off. He does what he wants and can't see the reason why that would be seen negatively, he loves you and he's clingy n e way, creep! bf gojo steals your underwear 100% -🦅

oh god….you really know your way to get to me, don’t you………..bc yes. yes, you are so correct . oh my god. i’ve talked about this before here and there but yes. i think satoru was very neglected growing up despite being born as a boy with a spark incomparable to any other, a special boy. the first descendant in the gojo clan in 400 years to inherit both limitless & six eyes.

and i think, even when he was little, a lot of people feared him bc of that. and naturally, the care and affection people usually show to a child provoked by the internal need to protect such a small being, that very sense to love and shield what needs to be loved and shielded, dulled before the eyes of fear. this, and the envy of prying eyes and all who wanted him gone before he fully blossomed into something bigger, sow the seeds of loneliness in him. he was an outcast, and not because he was looked down on but because he was looked up on, too much at that.

i don’t think he was ever truly loved, even by his parents actually. maybe they loved him to some extent. but not because he was their blood and a beloved symbol of their love. what made their chest swell was rather pride than love. and they were not proud of him, they were proud of themselves for bringing such a special boy to existence.

i don’t believe he was ever genuinely looked after and cared for. what people around him looked after was the shell of a boy that carried the innate techniques derived from the gojo clan. nobody knew what his favorite color was, what his favorite food was, what he loved doing outside of training sessions. i don’t think he knew himself tbf bc it’s hard to shape your own understanding of the world and what’s precious while growing up when you’ve never witnessed it with your own eyes, when no one has ever shown it to you what it means to love and favor something. bc children take inspiration from those around them. and i don’t think he had anyone around him to look up to and be inspired from.

i remember reading a post connecting the lack of presence in the sense of support and source of inspiration in satoru’s life to how it affected the way he carries himself later in life in the sense of, let’s say, fashion. i don’t remember the url of the op i am so sorry but god damn, they were so right. bc if you look closely you will notice that most characters in jjk have their own style, a specific physical trait unique only to them, whether a hairstyle or a fashion sense or whatever. but saotur? except for the blindfold, he’s got nothing. right? and the blindfold he wears is not for the sake of being eccentric or unique, it’s not for the sake of creating a trademark on his end. it once again comes down to his technique. 

so yea for someone like satoru, who’s never had a normal human connection in his life before, love is very likely to border with obsession. and like, i don’t think he is completely unaware of the feeling “love” but it’s one thing to know of it through books, movies or whatsoever and another to live and actually experience it firsthand. so when he loves, it’s raw, it’s inexperienced, it’s limitless (hehe see what i did there). there is no moral compass, there is no stop sign for him—he’s going to be weird. he’s going to cross certain boundaries. he’s going to disregard your personal space. but it’s not because he’s an actual sick freak just for the sake of it, it’s because he loves you with all the pent up loneliness in him and now that he’s tasted love and knows how good it feels, he doesn’t want to lose it.

p.s.: yes, he’s a pathological panty stealer

[morg-among-the-stars]

For as much as I pride myself in being a writer and a theatre kid, a huge part of me is being into gaming. I have used games such as Minecraft, Undertale, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Detroit: Become Human and so many more to help me get through the loneliness and hardest times of my life, long before I had media such as theatre to do that.

I discovered the Theorists channels in late 2015/early 2016, in that transitional time between elementary and middle school. The first Game Theory I ever watched was “Game Theory: FNAF 2, Gaming's Scariest Story SOLVED!”, which not only introduced me to the Five Night’s at Freddy’s franchise, it introduced me to tangential learning: the concept of learning through media that a person already enjoys, as well as picking up on small details or background information to answer questions.

This is what I do with the fandoms I’m “known for” on here and any other internet space!

Picking up on small details and drawing conclusions are things I’ve done to create all the fics I’ve made for Dear Evan Hansen and The Politician within the last few years, how I’ve been able to understand character motivations and drives through tiny details that some people might miss.

With that, I also love to learn. Any one who knows me, knows that I “learn to love better”, so to speak. I research problems to try and fix them, and research vastly different things such as mental health issues to better understand them and educate myself for the loved ones in my life who have various struggles.

MatPat and the entire Theorist crew created channels and a space that encourages learning through means of fun things such as video games and shows, even branching out to food and style with recent channels.

It also, more importantly, created a space where weirdness could be encouraged, where nerds and geeks were welcomed with open arms, and where a community was fostered of unique and immensely intelligent and creative people.

And that, a space to belong as a person generally on the outside of every group at that young age of being ten or eleven, is something I needed. Something that I was able to grow with. I was a proud theorist through middle and high school, and even now to this day. I haven’t been a loyal theorist since the beginning, but I’ve been one for a long enough time to say it changed my life in so many ways.

It inspired me to create my own theories and express them to people and, even if they don’t always make sense/come across as self-indulgent or weird, to never stop learning and expanding my mind.

People often need a place to belong and to feel accepted in all their quirks and oddities, and MatPat and everyone at Team Theorist managed to do that beautifully for thirteen years.

These people and their theories helped me through the hardest times and gave me comfort when not much else did.

And for that, I, as well as many others, I’m sure, give a big thank you and a huge, community-wide group huge.

I’ll forever be a loyal theorist.

But hey, that’s just a theory. A game theory!

💚❤️💛💙

[rjthirsty]

How My Weird Idea Became an Entire AU

There is a trope about roses being used to describe strong, fighting women in both Japanese media and some places of Europe. I can't say I've actually looked into this very much, but I would assume it's because the rose is a delicate looking flower that is beautiful and also painful if handled improperly. The thorns that adorn it are sharp. And while there are horticulture jokes about roses being particularly picky when it comes to pH balance, once you get a series of vines or a bush to grow, they are stubborn and ridiculously difficult to remove. You can attempt to uproot and kill it, but like most thorny vines, roses often come back again and again.

While I'm aware that the rose is used in symbolizing the Beast's curse in Beauty and the Beast, and that Ikemen Prince took inspiration from that to create the world and kingdom of Rhodolite, it felt like a shame to me to not highlight how intrinsic roses are to warrior women.

I'm aware that Ikemen Prince is an otome game - I play a lot of them - so I understand the decision to only talk about men involving Rhodolite, but it made me sad to think that the only time women were brought up in the game were when it involved a man, and typically it was in a negative light. Ikemen Prince would not stand up to the Bechdel Test, nor would most otome, tbh.

This, combined with roses, was what really put me on the path to change Rhodolite into something more... appreciative of women. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying IkePri is demeaning, I just feel that women are relagated to victims in most of the game, and I wanted them to be more than that, more often. So changing the genders of the princes seemed the most natural conclusion. Complex characters that were amazing fighters with an array of stories for us to fall into. Yeah, I could get behind that.

It wasn't until I was really considering moving forward with this idea that I decided to change Emma (MC) into Emmit, and mainly because it sat a little uneasy with me that every Belle that was ever spoken of was a woman. So the purest heart in the kingdom always belonged to a woman. And while pure maiden tropes don't necessarily rub me the wrong way, since I was already looking into how women were portrayed in IkePri and it was fairly negatively, adding that the only "good" woman was MC and a pure-hearted maiden just sat wrong. I suddenly wondered why it couldn't have been a man? Don't even get me started on how often men are wolves in this game (a trope I love, by the way) and the way it is way over-used with the symbolism of every man being a beast and every interaction outside of our suitors has men scheming and/or giving off those rapey vibes.

I seriously am not one to oppose problematic fiction, so the negative portrayal of men didn't bother me nearly as much as how lacking women were in IkePri. But if I was already going to turn the story on its head, why not have the "purest heart" sometimes be a dude? There was no reason Belle couldn't still be named Belle, and the princesses could still be beasts in their own right, so I saw no issue with MC being male this time.

And here we are. We have a whole cast of warrior women of the rose, and a male MC that's all pure and good or whatevs, and a romance story that I'm loving from every angle.

[roachliquid]

I've been fascinated by the idea of sapient zombies since my child-to-teenage years, when Xanth books were purchased and devoured with full enthusiasm from my understimulated brain. Funny enough, Piers Anthony's weird sex ideas didn't leave that strong of an impression, but the choice that he made time and time again - to humanize monsters, showing them not just as creatures of destruction but thinking people with their own cultures and customs - that one stuck with me. And I loved the arc when people realized that zombies - formerly believed to be mindless due to their sluggishness and low reactivity - were revealed to, in fact, be people who were simply impaired by the nature of their bodies.

Every time I see another zombie movie, I find myself thinking "what if we didn't default to seeing them as mindless killing hordes?" There have certainly been movies that don't default to this - Night of the Living Dead used the concept very effectively to create genuine horror - but it feels like about 90% of the genre just thinks "mindless masses that it's acceptable to shoot". And I hate that.

It's why I really enjoyed Warm Bodies, a story that uses the concept to talk about depression and the harms of social isolation. Return of the Living Dead is another great entry, that plays the concept for both comedy and horror while acknowledging the humanity and suffering of those afflicted with the zombie disease. I love stories that explore and humanize these concepts, and I'm always looking for more of them.

Naturally, I've come up with a few different concepts of my own, starting with a Resident Evil RP character who was virtually unkillable but otherwise just having the weirdest day of their life. One of my recent takes involves a disease that overheats the brain, causing severe and permanent damage unless the patient can be refrigerated while the initial stage of undeath runs its course. The fact that this requires people to exercise compassion, and not just lock you in a room as soon as they see a bite, is of course the point. After a certain period of figuring things out, allowing victims to turn violent requires malice.

The trouble came when I tried working out how to adapt this concept to a setting without freezers. I've been batting around the idea of a post-apocalypse isekai for a while, largely as an excuse to write SHODAN-inspired cyber femdom, but then - as inspiration took hold, and I remembered one of the silliest post-apocalyptic settings of all time - as a broader parody of the cultural climate that gave us the Fallout games. But also just, in general, because "out-of-context environment where you have to survive" is a deeply compelling concept.

It's worth noting, I love silly worldbuilding. I love when things simply don't make any plausible sense and you can tell it was done that way because the writer(s) just wanted it to happen. Xanth is similar; the worldbuilding is an absolute mess because it's constantly focused on delivering More, Sillier Ideas. I eat that stuff up like I used to eat marshmallow cereal.

So when I set out to create this New Kind of Undead, I naturally got silly with it at once. My first idea was that you catch the disease when you're bitten by a weird beetle, because... shit, IDK, I just like beetles. Refrigeration isn't an option to protect the brain, so fuckit, we're doing live embalming - lifesaving measures for the freshly undead involve replacing most bodily fluids with alcohol. This is of course objectively ridiculous, because zombie virus or not, being embalmed should just kill you - but fuckit, it's for the bit.

Then I remembered the idea I had to parody Fallout's ghouls with people who were typically called mummies. And I went "hmm" and thought, you know what, covering an undead person in bandages makes a lot of sense, actually. Especially if they're still fresh and decaying, but even afterwards, that skin's not gonna grow back, you know? Protective coverings are in. Living mummies are in. And-

hey, wait a minute, I need to rethink that beetle bit.

[daniel-profeta]

daniel profeta Interview

Hey y'all!! Back around March/April 2023 I was approached by a diy "magazine" that was more of a blog about artists in Georgia, to record an interview about my music and other projects. Sadly they decided against using it, but they just sent me a transcript so I could post it myself. It's slightly disjointed, but maybe you'll find some enjoyment out of it.

daniel: My dad got a used acoustic guitar when I was 13, and I kinda stole it to practice with all the time. So began my awe-inspiring journey of entirely mundane events. I taught myself how to play and sing with YouTube and just went forward from there. All throughout my life I've had problems expressing myself, but music, and art as a whole, have become my voice and taken over nearly every aspect of my life.

With hindsight I realized this always was the case. As a kid I was always enamored with storytelling… From reading for hours a day to attempting and failing to write a fantasy novel, from crying listening to Elliott Smith, Alex G, Mitski, Car Seat Headrest, Phoebe Bridgers, and countless other artists and bands to writing and recording hundreds of songs that never saw the light of day, my life has been a string of "failures" that's slowly becoming a vessel for expression. Meeting that one person who knows your songs and sings along with you, knowing you wrote something that meant anything to another human, makes me feel less alone. That's what it's all about.

I owe a lot to my parents for cultivating an appreciation for art, and while they never exactly "approved" of my life choices (laughs), they never really tried to stop me. Maybe they should have tried harder, who knows. When I was really young my mom tried and succeeded at getting me interested in acting in films. While I started as an extra in shows and movies like Stranger Things and The Hunger Games (it's a lot easier to be a movie extra than many people think), I eventually started getting actual roles. I've been in a few horror short films, and if you ever try to talk to me about horror I will talk your ear off… But the highlights of my acting career have been working in the incredible educational series Super Science Showcase as the geeky character Caleb, and meeting and working with the innovative director Barry Jenkins on the show The Underground Railroad (while my role was fairly small in that, that week of filming was one of the most surreal and rewarding experiences of my life, second only to playing live music and having people scream my lyrics in my face).

I was homeschooled growing up, and my family was forced to move around a lot as we struggled to find affordable housing and jobs. The cool thing about being homeschooled is you kinda set your own hours and have a little more free time, but the bad thing (for me) about homeschooling was the feeling of isolation and inability to do much besides write and try to make stuff. I wasn't allowed on the internet until I was 14-15, but then it was like a whole new world opened up for me.

One interesting thing about trying to create this life is the weird relationship most people have to it. Like, no one supports you unless you're successful, yet it's almost impossible to be successful without support. For example, I have a YouTube channel where I have uploaded nearly 2000 videos over the course of 3 years (yes, I know I have no life, don't rub it in) that's just called "daniel profeta" (stylized lowercase cause I'm cool). In the last few months I went from having 1000 subscribers to having 25,000 subscribers. My point being, "overnight" success is only real to people on the outside, people who don't see the thousands of failed attempts. People who don't hear the conversations where everyone close to you tells you to give up. Every step of the way there are opportunities to learn and grow and adapt, but you must be willing to block out the noise and get up every time you fall. That's the realest thing people who make art will learn, not everyone will like what you're doing. It takes time and effort to find YOUR people. But just know they're out there, and never give up.

I never had formal training of any kind, for acting, writing, guitar, vocals, bass, piano, recording, editing, the list goes on. Quickly I learned that I would never have the equipment, connections, or resources that many others did, but that's where you become resourceful. I am forever indebted to lo-fi music like Car Seat Headrest, The Mountain Goats, Bright Eyes, and Daniel Johnston, because without them I probably never would have had the courage to start. The ethos of DIY is one outside of gatekeeping and elitism, the ideas and community are open in mind and heart. We will "make it", and we will do so on our own terms. So, to keep this explanation brief, I have made multiple albums of music with no "real" recording equipment and recorded music videos myself with a crappy camera and some friends. I play all the instruments and do all the mixing myself. It's incredibly fun yet tedious, but the feeling of uploading or playing something is the greatest feeling in the world.

Your question was if my road was a smooth one, but I would say there really wasn't a road at all. Just foreboding uncharted wilderness with a few guiding lights of inspiration to help me on the way to creating the life I hope to have. But the way I see it, each failing, each stumble, and each limitation were just blessings in disguise. Take my music for instance, I used to feel ashamed of the low recording quality of my early work, but now I see it like a badge. It's honest, raw, and ultimately more powerful and unique. And the people I've met are some of the most driven and ambitious people in the world. We will make it, and when we do everyone who doubted will eat their words (laughs again), not that it matters. To quote Frank Lopez Jr. "Probably won't taste like the blood sweat and tears and the fear of regret and the ever elusive 3% chance I’m going to make it."

My main thing right now is music, and I play all over Atlanta and the rest of Georgia (if any venues or people with cool basements hears this and wants to book me, hello…. My name is Daniel, and I'm a pretty cool guy who's fairly easy to exploit. Feel free to reach out as I'm nearly always desperate for work) and hope to start playing more states soon. I currently don't have a band (if any cool people hear this and want to join my band, hello…), so my live shows are a mix of covers and original music done with an acoustic guitar. Folk music, punk music, indie rock, confessional songwriting, and the heaviest industrial metal/noise music you've heard since Swans. Or 100 Gecs.

But I am most proud of my recording efforts to be honest. The website Bandcamp has been a godsend. One of the only companies that fairly pays artists right now (looking at you Spotify…), Bandcamp is a place artists can upload music and charge for it and whatever. Anyways, I have 2 full albums and a 25 minute EP on Bandcamp and on my YouTube channel. I recorded many many songs and sequenced albums before this, but none of that has seen the light of day.

The first album is called Mania Machinations and it was pretty depressing to make and to listen to. But it was incredibly therapeutic to me, it felt like casting out demons. There are also a few songs I still think are really pretty, like the song Go to Bed which is about that feeling I mentioned earlier. I remember I was on a call with someone I trusted for hours and at the end they told me I should stop trying to make music because it didn't sound good. They told me I was going to end up broke and homeless and that I was pretty stupid for even attempting to do this stuff.

To me, the point has always been about expression and catharsis. And once I found a few people who my messages resonated with, then the point expanded to almost a group therapy thing. Casting out demons. So anyways, I got off that call that fateful night at 5 am and went to my room and wrote Go to Bed to try and describe all the thoughts in my stupid head. It started out bitter, but then changed and became something beautiful.

The second album is Paper Skies, and in that one I tried to adopt a character to live the life I want to live. Themes of touring, meeting people, and still not quite finding whatever it is I'm looking for. Ideas of ascending to the stars by shooting for the moon. Lots of pipe dreams and sad breakup songs. But about halfway through, the "character" starts to fall apart as imposter syndrome takes hold. In the end I go back to themes of mental health and isolation. This album is lyrically super meta and kind of pretentious, but when I wrote it, it didn't feel that way.

And my latest project is an EP called The Sighting, which I highly recommend as a starting point if you want to listen to my music. The Sighting is titled to sound like a UFO encounter. I tried to tone down some of the darker elements, and I just really like the way this one turned out. I'm a big album person, and when I write I try to sequence things right. Everything has purpose and is tied together thematically, and in this case I was thinking of the future. Of the possible end of the world or breakdown of society as we currently know it. But instead of making songs about that, I just used a post-apocalyptic setting as a backdrop for a bunch of songs that at their heart are love songs. The music videos I made I'm really proud of, especially one called Lighting in a Bottle (which was inspired by Elliott Smith's video for Coming Up Roses).

Oh, almost forgot to mention this, but if you download any of my music off Bandcamp you get access to liner notes and cool artwork. Also, exclusive to The Sighting there is a pdf that serves as a book of short stories to flesh out the post-apocalyptic world. There's a lot of recurring themes and motifs in my work, and a lot of them get explained in much further detail. Plus, they took months to write so it'd be awesome if people got to read them.

Finally, I'm currently obsessed with YouTube. On my channel I talk about music, weird media, horror, and make video essays and commentary style videos on pretty much anything I'm interested in. Every now and then I go live and play music. I think I'm funny, maybe you will too!

The music industry is so vast, I don't think I can even begin to predict how things are going to shake out, I can only speak to my little bubble. But one thing I know for certain, you'll be hearing about me and my associates more and more as the years go on. Just kidding… Or am I?

In all seriousness, I am seeing some interesting trends develop among people my age (I'm 19) {note from current me: I'm 20 now lol}. More and more bands like, I don't know, Pigeon Pit, are finding success. The Front Bottoms are getting huge. Phoebe Bridgers is a cultural icon. People like Mac Demarco are able to release music on Bandcamp and actually become millionaires. Some would have you believe music is dying, I believe there has never been a more interesting time in music. The variety, lack of extreme censorship, ability to find fans and friends without needing a record label, power to play almost anywhere, at this point all you really need is patience, drive, determination, and something to say. Everyone has something to say.

Indie rock and psychedelic rock seem to be making a comeback into the mainstream, and so does pop punk and nu-metal. Lots of genres being mashed together to create new things. 100 Gecs basically made a whole new genre super popular. An artist called Weatherday made one of the coolest albums ever only a couple years ago. Will Toledo went from recording albums in his car to playing big venues.

The world seems to be able to tell when an artist is being real, so my advice for artists that want to find lasting success would be to do whatever you want. Don't worry too much about trends, there's a place for pretty much everything and you'll have way more fun making the weird stuff you want to make instead of making something that looks or sounds exactly like whatever happens to be popular at the time. Sure, the culture shifts, but it's never boring.

That's my whole thing, at least art is never boring. I can try to approach life as an adventure instead of as a terrifying slog through hardship and pain. Whether or not I'm deluding myself doesn't really matter at that point. Perspective is like 50% of your entire outlook and attitude I've come to learn.

thanks for reading, if any blogs wanna interview me and also not be too scaredy-cat to publish it:)

[greywindys]

Share your thoughts on the final of BNHA once you finished it, please

Yes! Sorry, I'm late. I was away this weekend, so I actually still haven't had the chance to read the official translation, but these are some of my thoughts that I'm going to try to limit to a few paragraphs (feel blessed that I don't subject this blog to all of my anime tangents).

The tl;dr version is...whelmed, but more positive than negative.

I don't hate the ending as much as some people, but I can also admit that it's a tough one for fans who aren't there for Bakugou or Deku, and even then, there still feels like there are chunks missing from their respective stories.

Obviously, I'm mostly into this series for Bakugou. I would argue, objectively, that he has the most dynamic and satisfying arc in the series overall. For someone who seems to be more of an artist than a storyteller (this isn't to say he's terrible or anything, I actually think he's good at this too), Hori did a pretty good job with him. I'd say he fulfilled he promise to treat his story with care. I wish we had more inner thoughts, more conversations. The biased part of me thinks there should have been more recognition for what he contributed to the final battle. But then another part of me thinks, well, it's in character for Bakugou to want to keep those moments (i.e. what happened with Shiggy) private. We should have at least gotten a scene of AM signing his card. But I also knew we wouldn't because I, to this day, still believe that was a random thing Hori threw onto his death fakeout to make it seem more tragic, and not because he genuinely wanted it to be a part of Bakugou's story line. I'll stand by this! But he should've signed his card.

Idk if I'm in the minority about this yet or not, but I don't mind Deku's ending. It was surprisingly, refreshingly, bittersweet. This series has, in the past come across as too optimistic for me. I was full expecting everything to ~work out, and I mean, it still kinda did? But Deku losing his quirk, everyone growing apart and moving onto their respective adult lives, that's all very real. But I also don't think that takes away from Deku's identity as a hero. Those who expected him to end the series as the strongest, most admired, rich etc, hero perhaps have forgotten that Deku was never motivated by any of those. He's in it because he genuinely care for humanity and wants to help others, and he continues to do that into his adulthood, with or without a quirk. I don't think we're supposed to pity him, and it's too bad that's what some are doing. He's happy! And we see the impact he's made on everyone at the end.

At the same time, the absence of Deku's inner monologues in particular, create a weird distance from him, and wish Hori had brought it back in the final chapters. We never really got to know what he thought about the final battle. And even outside of him, I surprised at how much was skimmed over re: other important characters (Todoroki, Aizawa, Dabi, etc.).

But it it was burnout, I get it. Having written a fic that took two and a half years of monthly updates, I get it. I, too, received feedback calling part of my ending rushed, and I agreed. I knew it was rushed! I would get to certain points in the chapter and realize that the paragraph I was working on could be its own chapter. But I was just ready to be finished writing it (I love the story to this day, don't get me wrong), I didn't want to expand it anymore. So, I can't imagine what I would feel like after 10 years. So, I can't be that angry. In some ways, the loose ends leave a lot for the fandom to work with, and I know it'll inspire many amazing works.

So yeah, I thought the ending had its strong points and its weak points. But I appreciate some of the choices Hori made. I hope he can get his rest now lol.