#but this author fucked up by making the world and characters feel realistic

[auberginesdonthavelimbs]

Just finished book 2 of 5. I was impressed at how grounded and believable the protagonist was at first; everything she did felt like what a 15-year-old in her situation would do.

But then, alas, the love triangle. She had to be illogically in love with the guy she'd had two conversations with because. You know.

And of course he's also gross and possessive, and the other guy is a bit too but not as bad. But also literally just everyone involved in this situation has handled it so badly. Mostly before the book started. So much of this could have been avoided.

So, not important why, the fairies needed an in to human society, so they picked a fairy girl who was still young enough to pass for a human toddler but I guess in their culture old enough to make life and death decisions for herself. Someone compared her mental development at that age to a human 11- or 12-year old.

She agrees to have her memories completely and irretrievably erased. Her entire identity will be erased and replaced with a new person who will grow up thinking she's human. This kid has volunteered to die.

And this kid has a best friend, maybe a bit more than a best friend. And she - irresponsibly, cruelly - promises him that she'll try to remember him, and that they'll find a way to be in each other's lives again after her memories are erased.

That was nonsense and she must have been told as much. Either she was lying in a misguided attempt to make it easier for him or she really didn't understand, but either way I think it shows how immature she was.

So this kid's memories get erased. She's basically dead now. A new child occupies her body, who is able to speak and reason but has no autobiographical memories. She grows up and becomes her own person.

Meanwhile, the best friend is waiting to see the girl again. As soon as he's old enough (actually two years before that standard age, no idea why that was allowed), he enlists in the fairy military so he can be assigned as a guard to the girl. They are trained in combat, but the guards' role mostly consists of making sure no one finds out the kid isn't human, and using memory-erasing elixers to cover up any revelations. When the friend enlists, it's been about 7 years, and the girl is, for most intents and purposes, a ten year old child.

He spends the next five years spying on her off and on. For her protection, and to keep the secret, of course. It's still an uncomfortable violation of her privacy, but at least for the other guards it's just a job.

But this guy. Is convinced that his best friend is still in there. Worse, at some point before the book begins, he has managed to convince himself that he is in love with this girl, who he's never actually interacted with outside of spying.

He's a full adult. He was practically an adult when he first enlisted, five years ago. When she was 10.

This should not have happened. It would have been blindingly obvious to anyone why he wanted this assignment so badly. He was obsessed with this girl. He did not hide this fact. Someone should have sat him down and explained that his friend was dead and not coming back. Someone should have denied him the guard duty on the grounds that he is way too emotionally involved. He was clearly not ready to be normal about this child who was wearing his dead friend's face.

(And name, incidentally. That was also a stupid idea. Whoever decided that is also on my list of people who handled this situation badly. This girl, the protagonist, who was raised as a human, deserves better than to be called by the name of the dead child she looks like. It was already going to be hard enough for people who knew that girl to see the protagonist as her own distinct person. Giving her the same name just unnecessarily muddies things.)

And he is not remotely normal about it. He immediately starts flirting with the protagonist the first time they speak. A few conversations later, he says he's in love with her. Not just because she used to be his friend, but also because he watched her singing to herself when she thought she was alone. And whatever else he saw of her when she didn't know he was there.

And I think the adults in his life failed him, and I think his friend told him a cruel lie that gave him false hope, but also he is an adult now and holy shit dude no you are not in love with the child you've been spying on the last five years please stop.

It gets worse in the second book.

I am still planning to finish the series.

I just started reading a Twilight knockoff (affectionate) from 2009 and was delighted to find the protag was a whiny annoying 15yo. She apparently hates other teenagers and complains to her parents about being forced to interact with them. 20 pages in and my expectations are so high.

[ozzgin]

I love your work! It is so hard to find good Baki writers. Could you please do a Yujiro x Female fighter reader. I feel like Yujiro would actually start falling head over heels with a reader who fights well and is as sadistic as him.

Thank you! And yes, realistically speaking - or at least what makes most sense in my opinion - Yuujirou would go for someone that not only is submissive to him (because any human would then suffice), but also shows impressive skill and strength. There’s an interesting idea that I once read in the introduction of “The Gates of Janus”, the book written by serial killer Ian Brady. The foreword author argued that Ian is what you’d call a rat king, an alpha above most alphas, and that for such personalities, most of the time, an equally dominant woman is sought for as a partner. Naturally she’d submit to him still, but only a woman of high dominance could keep up with this kind of intense character. This mentality felt a bit outdated and potentially misogynistic to me, but I think it really fits in the case of Yuujirou. Sorry for the ramble.

Yandere! Yuujirou Hanma x Fighter! Reader

Featuring The Ogre and a female reader that nearly matches him in strength and ruthlessness. TW: Dubious consent, violence.

[Baki Masterlist]

Yuujirou can have anyone in the world, whether man or woman. It’s not up to them, really. It’s up to his mood and whims. And when he can have just about anyone, actually finding someone worth his interest becomes a difficult task. He doesn’t need an extra weight to drag around and as far as he’s concerned, commitment is not something he requires in his life. What would be the point?

No, for someone of his status, commitment doesn’t come as moral etiquette or requirement for a relationship. He has considered it, and in theory it could only be offered out of his genuine interest and never demanded by someone else. For The Ogre himself to fixate on one person and never wander eyes anywhere else… They would really have to impress him. Guarantee him that this is a one time deal never to be found again. And once that person is found, they’d do well to perform their role as his partner because there is no way out of it.

Lamentably, such temptation has never crossed his path. That is until a feminine figure strides into the ring of the Underground Arena. Yuujirou is ready to burst with laughter, but he’s quickly silenced by the rather abrupt end of the match. The mysterious character remains unfazed by the opponent’s blow and uses the opportunity to swiftly twist and crush the offensive limb. With the same indifference plastered on the face throughout the agonizing wails of the much larger man, she delivers her ending move and within seconds the arena is quiet again. After recollecting himself from this unexpected succession, Yuujirou turns to Strydum that’s been watching with similar amazement. “Who the hell is that?” He grunts. “I don’t know. Should I find out?”

Sometimes Yuujirou will replay the encounter in his head. He still gets shivers of raw excitement whenever he remembers your eyes back then. That utterly defiant glare. Strydum had asked you to meet them in private and as you entered the room, you immediately demanded to know why you’d been summoned. The Colonel begun fumbling in terror, almost begging you indirectly to not upset the redheaded man. “M-Mr. Hanma wished to see you, Miss (Y/N)-“ he was interrupted by your resounding snarl. “And who the fuck is Mr. Hanma to afford such audacity?” At that moment Yuujirou stood up, hands in pockets but visibly tensed up. You instinctively clenched your fists and frowned at the unspoken difference in power. The Ogre was halfway expecting you to fold and apologize, but after a minute your expression relaxed and your confidence returned. “Bitch. You’d rather die than give up your pride, huh?” He smirked at the thought. There was something about your attitude that greatly pissed him off but also turned him on at the same time.

The hardest part is getting you to accept him as your partner. See, Yuujirou will never beg or ask nicely. On the other hand, he’d rather not kill you, and severely damaging you in any way would take away the fun that caught his attention in the first place. That’s the dilemma: you’re stubborn and he can’t use force. Then again it’s not like he’s a mindless brute. Quite the opposite, only if he feels like it. A little charm with a dash of intimidation and you should be convinced, right? Don’t push it, (Y/N). If he really has to choose, he’d rather have you dead than belonging to someone else. It’s either him or nothing.

Really, it’s to your advantage if you learn to behave. He can give you everything you desire. He’s rather experienced in spoiling his women, and for you he’ll go the extra mile. Knowing he tamed you of all people is all the payment he could ever ask for. The satisfaction of putting you in your place, of having you cling to him fills him with greedy pride. A cocky smile distorts his features whenever the realization hits. If there’s such a thing as a soulmate, he’s found his. Although he doesn’t believe in that kind of bullshit.

A frightening pair in the eyes of most people. The Ogre relishes in the fact that displaying you as his woman has further increased his reputation instead of signaling any trace of weakness. As the time passes his conviction only strengthens: there’s no other place for you. You’re all his. Yet his favorite detail, what makes him flushed and dazed and addicted, is that no matter what he does to you as you lay there sprawled, naked, broken, your dignity never leaves. That prideful gaze that leers back at him makes him feel like he’s facing a mirror.

[the-bloody-sadist]

in case no one else has asked, please list your top 10 BL manga/manwha? 👀

i am. very interested in what other media you enjoy, especially BL

Combining these two bc I didn't wanna leave the second out!

(I wasn't a big fan of Blood Bank personally but I'm so glad it helped you with your world building Lil Whale!!)

I'm hoping some of these are unheard of for you guys because THERE ARE SO MANY BL/YAOI AND I READ THEM CONSTANTLY BUT NOT SO MANY ARE FANTASTIC AND MIND-BLOWING AND SPECTACULAR AND DEEPLY PSYCHOLOGICAL! I'm pretty sure I'll end up listing WAY more than 10, mainly because I want to highlight ones I feel like a lot of people haven't read. ALSO because I read so fucking many of them that I've collected a stash and NOW IS MY CHANCE TO YELL ABOUT THEM.

Just a disclaimer, these are not in any sort of order, as they're all about the same level in my head, just grouped. I'll list the "big name" BLs that I adore after these! First up are the ones that either have a quiet fandom or aren't well known! Since there'll be so many, I'm not going to say much about them, just know that usually no BL/Yaoi is perfect to me, since there are many bad psychology tropes here and there or unnecessary cruelties that aren't exactly realistic etc., but overall, I like the way that the story and characters are handled and/or love the art.

Here's the top five of my top ten that's not a top ten bc there are so many (I just said I wouldn't group them but I lied my ass off apparently):

Jealousy [Scarlet Beriko]: This is one of those that emotionally hits so hard that it will stick with me forever and I will usually tear up just a tiny bit when I think back to the moments that made this one so beautiful. A lot of times a story with major hurt, angst, and tragedy won't wrap up with enough to make me scream and cheer at the end. But THIS ONE DID. And I stopped reading for a while when a big event happened because I thought it would end horribly and I'd have to suffer three weeks of fiction-induced depression for a man who wasn't even real. BUT NAY. The themes you get in this one revolve around loneliness (huge draw for me, it always hits), mafia-connected characters and the rivalries from that, self-destructive prostitution, and characters who have difficulty receiving love without freaking out. Are those even themes idk. OH WELL. YOU GET THE POINT. I want this one on my shelf. You might've heard of it, but the fandom is silent so I never did. T_T OH ALSO THE ART ON THIS ONE IS GORGEOUS I FUCKING LOVE IT.

Hitori to Hitori no 3650nichi [Hitomi]: First of all, favorite manga artist. FAVORITE MANGA ARTIST. I'm never exactly sure if the artist is also the writer or if the writer is never the artist or...BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. Anyway! I listed this particular title because it was the first that I found by this person - but then I discovered it was a part of a bigger series, and there are like I DON'T KNOW FIVE DIFFERENT MANGA?? OR SOMETHING??? Related to this one. I don't know which order, I just know that I read them all in a frenzy. THE CHARACTERS. OH! OH THE CHARACTERS! Oh my gods, it's so good. LMFAO. The arcs these characters have are fantastic, and I loved the fact that the abuser in one is shown to be the victim of abuse in a prequel story, and that his anger issues and other elements of his personality came about to affect him and destroy him. Just...I don't recall the details, READ IT. That's all. Spectacular depictions of nuanced trauma within abusive relationships.

The Beast Must Die [Lee Hyeon Sook]: This remains one of my favorite depictions IN ANY MEDIA of a psychopath, because it's SO accurate and I'm SO fucking proud of the author for doing their research and OH MY GODS YOU GUYS IT'S ABOUT TO GET A DRAMA CD LET'S FUCKING GO! This story is so good. It's so evil. It's so psycho-thriller. It's so WELL DONE. It features a dark academia-ish secret society within a college setting who hunt people for sport, sometimes. LIKE. Come on. And the psychopath (dark hair) IS THE MAIN LOVE INTEREST! You could literally hear the summary and go "oh this is for Sadist". And I don't get a lot of those that deliver this well. SOMETIMES the art makes me twist my head a little but YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOT CARE OKAY? It's just SO good. There's murder, there's kidnapping, and - most importantly - a main character who doesn't just DEAL with whatever the psychopath does. He's smart, he fights back, he learns to understand psychopathy to determine if he should remain with the love interest...it's fantastic. That's all. I will stop. *BANGS THE WALL*

Aporia [Seontae]: ALL HAIL THE HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIPS THAT STILL HOLD TENSION AND EMOTIONAL WEIGHT AND SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!! This is my favorite BDSM-themed story. Everything is consensual, but is everything safe??? Not when it comes to the main character's emotions and tendency to sacrifice his wellbeing for a partner. BUT NOT TO WORRY, HIS SADISTIC LOVE INTEREST IS CONSIDERATE AND ATTENTIVE AND CARES ABOUT HIS FEELINGS!! This is, perhaps, one of my favorite depictions of a REAL sadist. A real one as in a realistic, irl BDSM-relationship sadist. Someone who is just as worried about taking care of his partner as he is about hurting him JUUUUST right. ANYWAY! THAT'S ALL! READ IT! HE'S LITERALLY ME!

Royal Servant [MasterGin, Chungnyun]: Okay, we were talking about healthy BDSM in the previous one, now let's talk about TOXIC BDSM-THEMES THAT I LOVE. Lmao. DO YOU LIKE MASTER/SLAVE DYNAMICS? DO YOU LIKE STORIES WHERE THE ARC LEADS TO THE ABUSIVE MASTER EVENTUALLY LEARNING TO NOT BE ABUSIVE AND LOVE THE SLAVE? YEAH ME TOO. I DON'T NEED TO DESCRIBE THIS ANY FURTHER. AUTHOR OF ANGEL BUDDY, THIS IS THE ONE THAT I KNEW HER FOR FIRST.

A bunch of other good ones you may or may not have heard of (I won't describe every one of these unless I have something particular to say, so enjoy the pictures from them that I snatched):

Love me in the Wilderness [Wang Tao]

Neon Sign Amber [Ogeretsu Tanaka]

Zetsubou ni Nake [Shinou Ryo]: Guys. This story is UNIQUE AS HELL. I had to say something about it. The premise is that a man who was raped turns around and goes back after his rapist and rapes him back, and then they fall in love. IT'S....the amount of times my jaw dropped was insane on this one. SOMEHOW IT'S WRITTEN SO WELL. SOMEHOW THEY NAILED THE STRANGE REALISM OF IT AND HAD ME TEARING UP OVER THE INTENSITY OF THE RAPE SCENES. VERY WELL-PACED, VERY TRAUMATIC IN A GOOD WAY. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. The way they come to love each other after this crazy foundation of mutual rape is IMPRESSIVE. Kudos to the writer.

Love or Hate [Yeongha]: This is a very well-known one but there's like zero fandom so I think it fits here. Also a lot of hate going around for it? Which I never understood, fuck those guys. This remains one of the most beautifully-written that I've ever read, and I mean that purely in like...the ACTUAL writing on the page. I'm talking poetry, purple prose. I just recall being blown away by that, and no manga before or since has ever reached its level. For once I felt like the writer was also a novelist because of the way that they put things, and had a clear voice in the style. Did the main boy end up with someone I didn't want him to end up with at the end? Yes. But I felt like it fit pretty well, and it was sort of a tragedy, and it was supposed to hit you painfully in the gut. A lot of people were mad at the main character for that and I don't really think it's fair. In any case! A beautiful story with complex characters and intriguing dilemmas. Highly recommend it.

Shangri La no Tori (Birds of Shangri La) [Ranmaru Zariya]

Two in Six Billion [Denzou]

The Pizza Delivery Man and The Gold Palace [Upi]: Great story and character-building so far! I will say that once it became porn, it dove a little too heavily into it for me. Like I only needed one scene of the porn, I was enjoying the panic attack scenes much more. BUT YEAH, IT'S ONGOING, SO WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES! But the panic attack scenes were the reason I read it and yes, I did tear up.

Sleeping Dead and Living Dead [Asada Nemui]: I RECENTLY FOUND THIS ONE AND ADOOOOOOREEE IT SO MUCH. I DO NOT CARE THAT IT'S AN OLD SCIENTIST AND HIS ZOMBIE PATIENT. NORMALLY THAT WOULD HOLD NO SWAY OVER ME, BUT OH GODS, THE ART IS SO PRETTY AND THE STORY IS SO GOOD. I LOVE THE LITTLE ZOMBIE MAN! I LOVE THE LITTLE ROMANCE THEY'VE GOT!

Private Lessons [ANCO, Mongya]: It's cuuuuute what can I saayyyyy it has BDSM and threesomes and I liked it. Very entertaining. Scratches the BDSM itch and the little SUB WAS SO CUTE. Anyway.

Kingyo no Ubugoe [Gontaku Nido]

From Points of Three [White Eared]: Threesome dynamics!!

Silent Lover [Qiang Tang, Bai Li Jun Xi]: I STOPPED THIS ONE AT A CERTAIN POINT BECAUSE IT DIPPED INTO WEIRD M-PREG AND STUFF I CANNOT READ. But BEFORE all that, I was deeply ingrained in this one. It has a main character who can't speak (a particular weakness of mine) and he's OH SO CUTE and he's given as a sex slave basically to the emperor (emperor? idk he's a kingly man, something like that), and the emperor is evil but learns to be soft and yet it takes a LONG TIME SO I WAS BAWLING HYSTERICALLY OVER SOME OF THE HEARTWRENCHINGLY PAINFUL SCENES IN THIS FOR THE POOR YUU-ER. A good read until it decided to go the omegaverse-by-magic-potions route. I didn't stay to figure out where it actually ended up.

Yoru wa Tomodachi [Ido Gihou]

Toumei na Ai no Utsuwa [Hitomi]

Re:Birth [Misuaki Asou]: The singular omegaverse story in existence that I actually liked. Hopefully that says a lot. Mostly because it's about the omegaverse elements NOT being present for the main character and him trying to fake it because he's lonely and afraid that his partner (an alpha *shakes off the disgusting label because who the fuck thought alpha was a cool word*) will leave him if he finds out he's just a regular guy (aka beta I guess? ABO is weird idc).

Sahara no Kuro Washi [Soutome Emu]: MASTER SLAVE MASTER SLAVE---

Haru ni Kaeru [Kunieda Saika]

Incorrigible [Bbong]

Well Done! [ANCO, Mongya]

Nemuri Otoko to Koi Otoko [Zariya Ranmaru]

Even If You Don't Love Me [Pando]: It dropped off SUPER hard (it's ongoing still) but damn was it good in the beginning. I am sick and tired of where it's at currently but the psychological manipulation and the horror of a certain twist in the storyline was CRUSHING to me. I only wish that it would have gone a better way after it happened, because it slowly destroyed itself and became like a lot of tropey rape stories. The asshole just keeps being an asshole and it's not really where the story seemed to want to go with that. But otherwise, it started off strong and I'll give it kudos for that.

Bigger titles I'm pretty sure everyone has heard of that I enjoy:

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai [Yoneda Kou]: Is it a little unrealistic that literally everyone in this story is gay apparently and wants to fuck one man apparently and/or rape him? Yes, absolutely. Does that matter once you're in the story and it's so good and all these unrealistic cruelties make a really strong bond between the main love interest and this self-destructive masochist who's probably not really a masochist but only interested in hurting himself because he doesn't know how else to handle his trauma from childhood? Ummmm yeah. Anyway! This one had a lot of inspiration and a lot of tears and a lot of obsession from me. I re-read it all the time, I watch the movie over and over, I listen to the audio drama and cry at my favorite scenes. Do I care in the end that it's a little unrealistic at times? No but I do laugh sometimes when I'm about to share it with a new person. Because BL is just like that generally and you've got to put up with a little of those tropes to find your favorite stories. THIS IS ONE OF THE TOP FAVORITES OF ALL TIME FOR ME BTW, IT'S ONLY SO LOW DOWN HERE BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IN YAOI KNOWS ABOUT THIS ONE ALREADY, AND WE'RE ALL AWARE OF HOW GOOD IT IS.

ENNEAD [Mojito]: I will say that this is basically the best manga/comic/manhua...what's the Chinese word idk ANYTHING OF THIS MEDIA TYPE that I have ever read. It's not done, and people have been complaining that it's starting to fall into the common BL tropes but you know what I do NOT care. Mojito is a genius, Mojito is a master storyteller, Mojito is beautiful, Mojito is strong - I just love Mojito and this work. So much. The action, the horror of rape, the deep-set character conflicts and dilemmas and internal turmoils. Everything, nailed it. Nailed it. And not to mention it's set in FUCKING EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY AND THEY'RE ALL GODS AND THEY HAVE SUCH COOL BATTLES AND COSTUMES AND DUDE???? I'm so hooked. That's all.

Killing Stalking [Koogi]: OBVIOUSLY. I don't really need to say anything about this one except that yeah, some of the psychology is a little off and some of it is just super shallow. But I loved the characters and that's what mattered in the end. I fell in love with Sangwoo too and it ripped my heart out when I read the ending. I was depressed for like two weeks and it was the first story that had ever affected me that way, but I was also younger and this was one of my first yaoi/BLs and yeah. GREAT story though, fantastic storytelling, very lovable characters. Sangwoo was handled so much better than most "asshole/kidnapper/rapist" characters and I will never stop appreciating that, because a lot of writers tend to forget that your villains have to have redeeming qualities if you want us to like them (????). Jinx, I'm fucking coming for you. Suck my dick. KOOGI FTW.

Missing Love/A Married Man [In Hyerin]: Some of the DESCRIPTIONS of how trauma works especially of the sexual nature in this story are SO. SO. GOOD. However, I am beginning to grow VERY ANNOYED at where it decided to go with the most current updates of the story. The author did enough trauma to the main boy, now it's getting so incredibly excessive that it's overdoing it and the author's kinks are showing through. LIKE I GET IT. Okay? I do. But this one became too much and I need him to return to the actual story arc of going through that trauma so he can HEAL with the right person taking care of him.

MadK [Ryo Sumiyoshi]: I am into NONE of the kinks that would lead to me picking up this manga. I hate demons, I'm not a monsterfucker, I can't do extreme guro, and yet I SAW CANNIBALISM. THAT WAS THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A TRY FOR. And then accidentally I got obsessed because the plot is AMAZING and the writing is SO GOOD and who cares if I hate demons and monsters ALL OF THEM ARE BADASS AND HOT (??) AND IT CEASES TO MATTER. Good on the writer for making them appeal by personality alone and expressions and whatever else you signed a deal with the devil to make me like because it worked. Also the guro is beautiful, so it doesn't even matter. Hannibal levels.

Warehouse [Killerwhale]

Painter of the Night [Byeonduck]

Viewfinder/Finder [Yamane Ayano]

Given [Kizu Natsuki, Gusari]

Nii-Chan [Harada] (and basically every other work by Harada)

Sadistic Beauty Side Story [Geumsan Lee, Woo Yeonhui]

Dine With a Vampire [Pangin, Pinko]

Angel Buddy [Mastergin, Chungnyun]

My Partner's Tastes and Fetishes [Deok Hwa]

Interview with a Murderer [KJK]

On or Off [A1]

Steel Under Silk [Snob]

The Pawn's Revenge [Evy]: It was going to be SO GOOD! And then it dropped off harder than a boulder from a balcony and I have absolutely no idea why the author took it the way that they took it, but go off I guess. It's boring as hell now but it started off with promise and I enjoyed the art and character designs. Too bad, I suppose.

Caste Heaven [Ogawa Chise]: An old classic with all the sticky sometimes icky mostly ridiculous BL tropes but hey, it's cute. It's sexy. It's fun. I don't care.

Wet Sand [Doyak]: We're still in the beginning stage of this one but I'm excited to see where it goes! Plus the art SLAPS ASS like nobody's business.

19 Days [Old Xian]: I hate comedy, I hate fluff, I hate buddies that never become lovers, but none of that mattered when I picked this one up. The duality of man. Bite-sized chapters and ACTUALLY AN EVENTUAL ROMANCE that none of us thought we'd ever get.

Legs That Won't Walk [Black Apricot]: Although this one dropped off hard for me and I'm really just following it to see if it picks up again and does something interesting (it probably won't) I did enjoy it in the beginning. I just get tired of the "asshole just keeps being an asshole and nothing else but woobified slut keeps coming back to him??" without the strong and realistic undercurrent of Reasons Why Someone Would Come Back such as manipulation or threats or unhealthy attachment. Perhaps it was sorta there in the beginning with them but now I'm just like why are we still continuing this story.

Pearl Boy [Inking, Zoy]: *Awkwardly scratches neck* It's not the best okay? It's not. It's really not. I don't like half of the things that occur in this one, but the ART, bro. THE ART, BRO? That's what got me into it and what kept me into it, PLUS I do like little Jooha. I stayed for Jooha, too. Dooshik drives me a little batty most of the time and looks ugly for half the story to me, but when he's badass, he's pretty badass, so I can forgive him. I really don't know why he has such drastically changing appearances because I thought he was someone completely different for a bit LMAO. In any case, I have to admit I like the uhhhhh danger that Jooha gets himself into and the crazy things that make no sense but you know what he gets hurt and then there's comfort and rescue and they cry and I cease to care that it makes no sense. (Sorta, I don't actually cease to care I just laugh awkwardly and go okay sure that's how it works because it's so hard to find stories that don't do this LOL I'm beating a dead horse) BUT WHY DOES HE CUM PEARLS? WILL WE EVER KNOW? WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT AND WITHOUT A SUPPORTING MAGIC SYSTEM IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE? IT WENT DOWNHILL SO FAST AND THE ENDING IS TERRIBLE BTW. THE VILLAIN SUCKS.

That's it. I can't talk to much or I'll run out of words but HOPE YOU GUYS FIND SOME NEW READS!!

[dangermousie]

A danmei lover's biased and incomplete het web novel rec list

@mercipourleslivres thanks for inspiring me!

When it comes to Chinese web novels, I mainly read danmei. I tend not to care too much for OP heroine with a hero who dotes on her for no reason as she fights with 14 year olds narratives, nor inner courtyard fights. BUT!!! There are some het web novels I like and so here is my biased and incomplete rec list. Most of these don't have OP heroines, and very little to none courtyard fights.

Before I start, my favorite het web novel authors are: Gong Xinwen, Mo Shu Bai, Peng Lai Ke, and Jiu Lu Fei Xiang. I have yet to read anything bad by them.

Anyway, rec list:

1000 Miles of Bright Moonlight - one of my ultimate favorites, this would make such an epic drama! A smart as hell heroine, a hero who is a monk and a warrior (but also terminally?) ill and such a vivid world and amazing secondary characters (heroine’s brother is possibly my favorite supporting character of all time) and so much angst and happy ending. This has an amazing romance but it’s not romance-centric if it makes sense - ML doesn’t appear for a while. But once he does, it’s worth it!

Accompanying the Phoenix - the one that just got adapted into The Legend of Shen Li, this is high adventure and cottage core and funny and tragic and powerful ML being putty in the hands of capable FL and just EVERYTHING.

Apocalypse Arrival - Gong Xinwen’s novels are made just for me. Her heroines are always powerful as fuck and rescue abused MLs. In this novel, our heroine who lives in the post-apocalyptic world, wakes up right before that apocalypse happens. She forms a survival crew and also rescues ML who has miraculous blood and has been drained of it and is now hunted after the rescue for it. SO GOOD!!!

Black Moonlight Holds the BE Script - so fucked up, so good, with monster hero who learns to love and be human and heroine who learns to love and be human (but from the other side, her tower of perfection.) Much better than the drama which I did enjoy.

The Blue Whisper - the drama was so-so, but the novel is a bona fide angst masterpiece, which really delves into what it feels like to be imprisoned or to love.

Counterattack of the Cannon Fodder Chambermaid - I remember starting this and loving the realistic feel and the heroine and wanting to stab the hero and @mercipourleslivres telling me to be patient. She was right, by the end I was on board with both the hero (who was abused and is rather autistic-coded) and the OTP. Anyway, heroine is a servant who was a concubine in the last life and got killed as part of a rich family’s harem intrigues. In this life, she just wants to keep her head down but her life gets derailed anyway. She gets sold away and eventually made a servant in the household of an exiled prince who takes a fancy to her and she endures it because what choice does she have? All she wanted was to serve out her term and become a small time merchant. This is quite realistic about lack of options for women, especially lower class women or upper class male attitudes (ML is never vicious or mean to FL but it does not initially occur to him to wonder if she fancies him or enjoys being his concubine or w/e.) It is a DELIGHTFUL slow burn tho as they grow to love each other and grow together and become one of the most wholesome cnovel couples out there.

Dandere General and His Lord - hi there, Gong Xinwen! God, I love this one. Heroine transmigrates from modern world into a brutal slave-holding world at war (think something like Warring States era.) Our heroine transmigrates into the body of a noblewoman who just hung herself. When she comes to, she discovers that woman’s twin brother was the ruler of a city poisoned by a rival claimant and the besieging army of said claimant is about to take the city and original occupant of the body and the rest of the family chose suicide as a way to avoid dishonor. Our heroine refuses, schemes with advisors to pass as the brother and rally the troops. Once the invaders are defeated, she keeps on the masquerade and rides off to one of the never-ending wars “she” is summoned to. Our hero couldn’t be farther from this. A slave and a son of a slave, he’s escaped a horrific, starving childhood during which he narrowly avoided being murdered or raped, and ended up in the army. When the story opens, he distinguished himself in battle and as a reward, he and a few of his fellow slave warriors are invited to a banquet, where they are given some alcohol and to be playthings of any nobles who want them. One of them does not survive this but ML is lucky - heroine feels terrible and so “claims” him for herself. Instead she just tends to his wounds and sends him back. She does not fancy him or anything, she is just a human being with a conscience. And the story goes from there.

Demon King's Repayment - another delicious Gong Xinwen tale with a powerful ML dedicated to capable FL. This one is a great fantasy plot (I keep imagining it as an animated series) and a sprawling cast of amazing secondaries (and secondary OTPs - there is, I swear, an OTP that is Dong Hua x Feng Jiu done thru GXW lens) to boot.

Doomed to Be Cannon Fodder - I hesitated to put this one on the list because by the end I was not keen on how misogynistic novel got to original female lead but it was one of my earliest novels and I loved it for 90% and it’s fucking hilarious at times. Heroine transmigrates as bit villainess into a novel, all she wants is not to die, but her new attitude of “pls stay away” catches the attention of her terrifying general husband. Honestly, imo still worth it.

Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir - my n1 novel on this list, smart and fierce and don’t really read this for romance because it does not start until really late, but ice cold heroine x ice cold hero both of equal brains and ruthlessness is everything. I went from loathing the ML to finding him fascinating to adoring him (and yet he softened around the edges only for FL, he never became “nice”) and loved FL throughout; secondaries are epic. If you read only one non-danmei web novel, make it this one.

The Emperor’s Beloved Ugly Girl - my n2 novel on this list. Our heroine is the unlucky laundry maid A’Chou. She is a di daughter of an upperclass family but her family got destroyed in one of the political upheavals of the time and A’Chou, only a small child at the time, was the only survivor and was made an enslaved laundry maid. Due to various events, at the start of the novel she is a laundry maid in a minister’s household and the minister’s beloved daughter is having a fit because she’s supposed to marry the former Crown Prince which may have been great a few years back but Crown Prince had since been deposed, tortured, imprisoned and now is living in the middle of nowhere under conditions that are too meager to be called house arrest. And he’s seriously crippled too. Understandably, the young lady doesn’t want to marry him! She’d rather kill herself and so she does. And so, a desperate plan is hatched - why don’t we pretend the laundry maid is the di daughter of the minister’s household and send her off? And so A’Chu is sent as the bride. She arrives to discover a broke, seriously injured man on the verge of death…and we go from there. This is so gorgeous and tender and slow in just the right way and like AAAAAA! Secondary OTPs (one of which is MM) are also epic.

Futu Tower - the drama (Unchained Love) was a mess but the novel is such a lovely, dark exploration of coming back to life, for the ML from his dark revenge-strewn path and for heroine from not being allowed wishes of her own. She is a tribute bride, he’s a (fake) eunuch, they are both servants who use themselves to achieve goals and find peace and happiness together.

The Grand Princess - a tale where both members of the OTP reincarnate as their younger selves after killing each other in their 50s, and get a new start, this is smart and slow and so good in portraying old souls in young bodies. Their rediscovery of not just each other but themselves and their passion for living is just AAAAAA!

Heroine Saves Gentleman - Gong Xinwen novel so we have a tough martial artist lady saving a very upper class scholar and it goes from there. If elegant gorgeous ML being saved and protected (and lovingly dommed) by awesome FL is your bag, pls come right in.

Husband Be a Gentleman - schemer meet schemer. He’s an idle prince she’s perfect daughter, in reality both are wolves out for blood. Mmmm. Very OTP gets together early and is us against the world.

I’ll Be the Male Lead’s Sister in Law - one of my all time favorite novels. Heroine is made to marry a disabled nephew of the emperor. He used to be a victorious god of war but went mad and now is basically locked away and kept as a beast. GOD I LOVE THIS NOVEL SO MUCHHHHH! So much hurt/comfort and awesome OTP and after he eventually recovers, all he wants to do is to fight and murder things and dote on wifey. MMM. He’s honestly one of my fave MLs.

I Married a Disabled Tyrant After Transmigrating - if you have a Florence Nightingale complex, this is for you. Heroine wakes up as tribute bride to an almost dead dragon lord and slowly nurses him back to life as his rivals try to murder him. They are both utter adorable babies!

Let the Villain Go - another Gong Xinwen novel, this and Apocalypse Arrivals are AUs of each other. Heroine is surviving in the apocalypse, ML is the “bugbear” of the world but in reality just reacting to all abuse and torture and after she accidentally saves him, devotes himself. Fun fun fun!

Long Wind Crossing - Amazing ML and FL who grow together, clever plot, arranged marriage to love etc etc. Oh, and one point he feeds her his blood to keep her alive, what’s not to love? (Adapted into Chang Feng Du/Destined)

Lost You Forever - this is a short but delicately wistful tale of trauma and loss and love, wrapped in a high fantasy setting but so relatable despite it.

Love In Another Life: My Gentle Tyrant - so so fucked up in the best way! ML cannot live with OR without heroine. It opens on them banging in jail night before her execution (ordered by him) with corpses of men he killed for trying to defile her cooling nearby. If you want healthy relationships with respectful boundaries, gentle and considerate male leads who are modern men in period clothes, OP heroines who have everyone help them and are OP to the max, fluff and wholesomeness, that is about the worst book for you.If you want complexity, dysfunction, darkness, pain and an absolutely lyrical even if fucked up story, come right IN!!!!I am so fucking in love with the melancholy heroine, with ruthless psycho hero and the endless regret and devotion and paaaaain!

The Marquis Is Innocent - our heroine is a beautiful woman married to a warlord who hates her family. (Yes, this was gonna be The Prisoner of Beauty until SZE tax scandal.) Except she's a transmigrator from the future who knows how it ended last time around and has no interest to end up this tragically. This is in my top 5 - FL is smart but believably so (and doesn't have super battle powers) and ML is a believable period warlord. The way their relationship develops so gradually and the way his character changes so gradually as well (and the way they slowly fall in love, her slower than him) is just amazing. It is such a smart, nuanced, gorgeous slow burn. With some gonzo sex scenes :P

Mulberry Song - you like tragic endings? Come right IN! This is short and heartbreaking and wistful and very what-if.

Nightfall (Ever Night) - so long but also so smart and unusual and bloody and tho it’s not primarily a romance, you will never see another ML who loves his FL as much as Ning Que does his Sang Sang. 

Offering Salted Fish to Master - in some ways, this novel is a mess, but I am recommending it because this is a rare example of "nope he's 100% a villain and murderdude and odd, but he does love the heroine" that the author commits to.

Pihanjin - yet another awesome PLK novel, this is once again, like with Marquis, a ruthless man and a beautiful woman getting a second chance on a second go-around. FL is a lot more wounded this time around though. If you LOVE watching ML grovel and slowly, gradually win FL over, this one is for you.

Princess Agents - a dark tale with an incredibly competent and militarily powerful/ruthless heroine and two terrifying men who love her (but neither is as terrifying as she is.) There is an OTP switch halfway through that shockingly makes sense and it's just SO SO GOOOOOOOD

Rebirth of the Malicious Empress of Military Lineage - this is probably the one “typical” novel on this list, heroine is reborn as her youngest self and gets revenge on those who wronged her last time around. It is really really well-written and heroine is competent, hero is doting and powerful etc. It’s not a trope I tend to love but I do when it’s done THIS well.

Rebirth of the Tyrant’s Pet: Regent Prince is Too Fierce: Borgias cnovel style! Our heroine was empress in last life and put her husband on the throne tho he did not love her. However, he had her executed and had his half-brother carry out the orders and heroine died horrifically. She opens her eyes and she’s a little girl again. The OTP this time around is heroine and half-brother executioner. Why do I love it? Heroine is smart and tough but also this is a rare rebirth novel where heroine does NOT decide to seek revenge for past life wrongs because they haven’t happened yet! In fact, she sees ML abused and stands up for him because he’s a kid and no kid should be mistreated and this go around he hasn’t done anything wrong. She also gets and likes her former life husband. Anyway, this is fakecest galore because she’s supposed to be their half-sister and while she knows (from past life) she is not, they do not and fall for her anyway. ML is especially gonzo, at one point carving chunks of his flesh to save her. He’s feral and unhinged and she’s the one person he worships because she protected him and like - it’s all awesome. (I love secondary ML too.)

Reborn to Love Lord Qiansui - yes, this is a eunuch novel! If you like gender tropes reversals, this one is for you. Heroine is a tough martial artist, hero is a smart as hell and powerful eunuch. A real eunuch. Heroine finds out she owes him her life and decides to protect him. This is a total delight and an awesome love story between two really scarred people. And yes, there is sex - heroine literally reads manuals on pegging :P

Return of the Swallow - so freaking long! But really good. Heroine is neither transmigrator nor reincarnator, just a smart period woman. She is a lost family daughter taken back in. Her father is a minister in a dying empire (father-daughter relationship is one of the best things in this novel), her OTP is enemy general, and the smartness and the awesomeness of this all knows no bounds.

Seven Unfortunate Lifetimes - probably the wackiest JLFX novel I read, this is quite different from Love You Seven Times drama that was adapted from it. Our deity protagonists go through a bunch of lives figuring out they fancy each other. It's light like a souffle but just as delicious.

To Be a Virtuous Wife - some people prefer 8 treasures trousseau but I never warmed up to that one. This one is so good, with smart people (who actually enjoy sex, a ratity) and a perfect mix of plot and romance.

Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - my very first web novel. A lot lighter than a lot of the ones on this list but a total delight. Heroine transmigrates into a novel as the heroine; she has no interest in drama or chasing true love, she just wants to live a nice life with her nice husband. Too bad for her, her husband has reincarnated into his younger self and remembers how she betrayed him, so is not interested. This one is funny and light and romance doesn’t start till late on but a total delight!

Wishing You Eternal Happiness - this is tied with Dreamer as my favorite het web novel ever though it couldn’t be more different from Dreamer, with its hard-edged and hard-souled protagonists ruthlessly cleaving their way to the world and, eventually, each other, its smart cynical air. Except in one thing - the world of Wishing is just as bloody and dark. Its two protagonists are gentle, deeply wounded souls who may find salvation in each other but even something as basic as safety almost seems out of reach.

Jliafu, our heroine, is neither a modern-day transmigrator, nor some exotic princess or demoness. She is very much a period woman of her time, from a weathy merchant clan, whose beauty is her curse. You can tell the novel’s tone from that utterly bleak opening chapter where she, a favorite concubine of a capricious dying emperor, is ordered to be buried alive with him and is not even given the “grace” of white silk but slowly suffocates in the coffin, scrabbling at the lid. There is no grand threats of vengeance on her part, not dramatic opera events. Just despair and death. The whole introductory chapter is haunted by emotional ghosts - the empress’ unrequited love for the monster on the imperial bed (turning into desire for Jiafu’s suffering after he dies), the emperor slowly dying in his prime after waging too many wars, and his fear of being haunted by Pei Youan, a brilliant if sickly minister who died of illness long ago on one of imperial campaigns. There is no triumph for anyone, only loss.

When she wakes up as still a young woman, all she wants is to escape the same fate. There are no plans for power or revenge, only a desire for survival. And so she latches on asking for help from Pei Youan, the only man in her past go-around who showed any consideration and desire and ability to protect her, though he barely knew her. Pei Youan is probably my favorite het web novel ML. Despite his brains and ability, he drifts through life. In modern terms, he clearly has depression. One of the biggest, best joys of the novel is watching these two very good, very quiet, very wounded people discover happiness and love with each other. I sort of want to cry just thinking about it, tbh.

The Yandere Came During the Night - a bit of fluff that’s oddly delightful. Heroine is reborn as a (fake) sister of ML, she hurts her legs saving him and the “siblings” form a bond that ends up in fakecest delight. They are both smart and efficient and he becomes a sexy marquis etc.

[ponyosfrogg]

IN-BETWEEN (PT 4)

Summary: Going back into the comics world knowing that they're just characters that you read hits different.

Pairing: Tim Drake x Female Wayne! reader.

Authors note: Gosh it's been such a long time. sorry abt it. 🥹💗 I hope this is worth the wait my little munchkins.

Warning: Some of the themes and contents written in this fic might be upsetting for some of the readers, read at your own risk. Some parts have strong language.

When your hand gripped your mug more, you gave a hitched breath. You had an uneasy feeling inside of you, your mind was all over the place, you've never felt more anxious before.

"You want to talk about it little bird?"

You raise your head, still in a little bit of disbelief, to look at Jason.

"Not really."

Your mind was wondering around your thoughts, you were sure this was not a dream. It wasn't hazy, in fact nothing ever felt more realistic than this moment.

Jason was on the other side of the couch, silently reading his book, you were just sitting and staring at the empty wall. after your smile he nodded understandingly and got back to his book that was occupying him for the whole morning.

It's been an hour or so since you wake up, in the fucking comic universe again apparently. You thought it was a dream and tried to pinch yourself multiple times, it did nothing but just make Damian glaring at you weirdly. Then somehow you convinced him to rain check on his plan saying some stupid shit like you weren't feeling like yourself and decided to trust something you can trust in both universes. A cup of coffee.

You looked at Jason again. His old scar on his cheek, green sweatshirt and black pants he's wearing, ruffled hair with a white streak, muscular body. He looked exactly the same on the panels but this time he was sitting right beside you, reading his book peacefully. You feel your anxiety rushing your mind and making you breathe faster. How could you possibly understand what was going around you. Everything seemed so unrealistic yet so real at the same time. They still think that you lost your memory probably but you were very aware of everything and maybe more since you grew up reading about their stories. You knew them more than themselves because you were also, once, on their mind reading their thoughts on the colorful panels.

Okay, one thing at a time. Dream or not, you need to find your way out of it or at least solve the connection between two worlds. You thought about writing everything you know on a piece of paper but what would happen if some of them accidentally find that paper, written everything in detail since they also think you lost your memory. That was very risky but again also, keeping everything in your mind was very hard too considering you had a mind of a fish literally.

Okay, what about telling them you got your memory back? Not a very clever move considering they are vigilantes who fight for the city and so called Viperia is one of them. They might take you on a fucking patrol and considering you have ZERO experience in martial arts and using a katana which is almost the same height as you, not a good option.

But how can you keep denying everything. You are in a manor full of detectives and at some point there's a high chance that one of you might figure out that you're not their actual sister but an imposter and beat you to death.

Yeah, maybe not to your death but you got the point.

And asking one of them for their help? No. That could fuck up the whole situation. They see Viperia as their sister and you being an imposter takes you back to the other option where you'd get beaten up.

It was a dead end but your mind was working as fast as it could, trying to come up with new solutions, just, none of them were useful enough. Maybe you needed some air or something.

"Jason? You wanna go for a walk?"

He put his book beside and looked at you. He had one of these glares which would make a lot of people fall in love with him as soon as they see him. The one that seemed like could read your whole soul like an open book without even flinching but also always giving the feeling of trust. It was literally impossible to achieve yet he was standing right in front of you with all of his glory. Definitely the creator of him was playing favorites and Jason was one of them.

"Yes, around the manor?"

He was still thinking that you lost your memory and didn't want to overwhelm you with all the city noise and danger. He remembered when he came back from the death coming out of his grave wasn't the hardest part, it was all the loud voices he had to deal with. Lights, muggers, rushing people and the ugly rainy weather which was the signature thread of Gotham now. But you didn't even want to go to Gotham anyway. Yes it was all fun and games to read that everything that was happening in this gloomy dark city but being in it? It wasn't so fun. What would happen if you came across some thief, or worse Joker's himself. You didn't want to walk around in Gotham as the daughter of fucking Bruce Wayne even though you trusted (?) Jason Todd.

"Sounds great. Let me grab my shoes from my room"

You got up and quickly ran towards the stairs. This manor somehow managed to smell so good. Maybe it was because of the expensive perfumes or maybe it was Alfred's amazing cooking. Yes, comics weren't giving him the appreciation he deserves, he was some sort of food god and you were sure of it.

When you entered your room, you closed the door behind you and turned around, just to find a woman in front of your wardrobe, checking the pictures you looked at last night.

"May I help you?" you spoke with uncertainty in your voice.

"You shouldn't be here."

You could only see her back since she didn't even turn to look at you. She had black wavy hair almost as long as to come around her hips and a long black coat. Who would even wear a coat in the middle of the summer. Oh, right. It was Gotham.

You didn't know why but you didn't feel any kind of fear. It almost felt like home. Was she Talia? No. She wouldn't wear something like this but again, what do you even know.

"You shouldn't be here either i guess, since you sneaked into my room." Trying to scare some kind of lunatic by being bold? That's how things go in this universe you suppose.

"I sensed some abnormalities in the Multi-verse and magic realm. It started two nights ago and i just followed them. Who knew our one and only Batman had a daughter right?"

She turned around and you saw her face.

Oh fuck,

She was fucking Zatanna.

With all of her beauty, she was standing right in front of you, her blue eyes as clear as the sky, she had this kind of face that you only saw her doing to bad guys, well read at least. Annoying and slightly scary face. And she also knew that you didn't belong here?

Well i guess so much for making a low profile.

You fear growed inside of you, you knew yelling for help wasn't an option since she could easily turn into you a rabbit or I don't know, kill you? It was mostly up to her imagination and you knew she had a big one.

"Well, personally I didn't."

You just realized she had something on her hand and after finishing her sentence she showed it to you. It was a picture, the ones that you looked through last night. In that picture you were looking at Bruce who was busy with something on his computer. He was a little further from your camera so his face was kind of blurry.

"I'll be honest with you, i don't like intruders. Especially the ones from another universe we already have enough on our plate.

Okay, for starters you never actually imagined Zatanna being so intimidating in your imagination. Because when you were reading the comic she was only mean when she needed to. You just never thought you would be one of them but for defense, who would've thought.

"So I advise you to go back to your universe trespasser because next time I'm not going to be this nice, this is a warning.

Geez, was this her 'nice' personality. She looked like she could eat you alive without even hesitating to do so. You realized you didn't even move since she started talking but you felt like you lost your voice somewhere inside of you.

"Oh, you can move now." she said smiling, with her voice you left a deep breath you didn't even know you were holding. Why were you even holding it? Oh. Oh... She already made a spell. You bend over a little bit and put your hands on your knees to cough. Your lungs were burning with the oxygen again. You missed when your problem was just deciding what to eat at dinner.

When you feel slightly better you put your hand on your heart to feel your heartbeat. It seemed normal, well as normal as it can be since you almost died. But in this universe it appears that you weren't dealing with heart issues because normally you would die because of the rhythm.

You stood straight again, confidence leaving your body completely with her stone cold gaze.

"I didn't mean to intrude," you finally manage to say, your voice still shaky from the encounter with Zatanna's magic. "I don't even know how I ended up here."

Zatanna raises an eyebrow, her gaze softening slightly. "Well, you better start explaining yourself quickly, then."

You told your story to Zatanna, recounting the unbelievable chain of events. How you woke up here, believed you had lost your memory, and then woke up in your original universe, discovered the existence of a new character in the DCU who was essentially you. Every little detail. It felt like a surreal dream, but you soon realized it wasn't. Zatanna listens intently, her expression unreadable, as she processes the information. With each word, you notice her eyes flickering with interest, as if she's piecing together some puzzle in her mind. She doesn't interrupt, instead making silent calculations as you divulge the details of your journey. You can't help but wonder what she's thinking, and whether she believes you or not because you know that if she doesn't, there's a high chance that you'll continue your life as an animal. Well at least, Damian treats his animals quite nice.

But nonetheless, you were feeling some kind of relief because as you were telling your story, you realized how much you felt like you needed to share this with someone and knowing that she's one of the few characters in this universe who might comprehend the complexities of the multiverse due to her experiences. Also Zatanna's reputation as a skilled sorceress precedes her in the comic universe, and you can't help but feel a spark of hope that she might hold the key to solve this thing.

"So you only change universes when you're asleep in one?"

"Seems like it." You could sense that she believed your story. Well, she probably feels when someone is lying to her so that shouldn't be a coincidence.

"You must have known a lot about this universe then since it was some sort of book in your hands, Am I correct?" you could sense some kind of testing in her voice. As if you shouldn't have said that. You just nod as an answer.

Zatanna fixed a stern gaze on you, her blue eyes piercing through the air. "Listen to me carefully, the future isn't set in stone, and every action has consequences. Interfering with events could lead to unforeseen outcomes, and you might end up taking someone's attention that you wouldn't want to take." Her serious voice made you even more scared than you already were. you knew you were in some kind of messed up situation but you always thought the main thing to worry about was to be able to stay in one universe, not someone tracking you like an animal to hunt you down.

"No meddling or helping, be cautious about sharing too much. Revealing future events or secrets can disrupt the delicate balance of this universe. Even if you know what is going to happen, let it be. This is not your universe to save, do not ever interfere did you hear me?"

She said the last four words were sharper than the others with a little breath between them. You nod again, and wasn't able to find the voice to talk.

"This universe might not be real for you but it is real for those who live in it, until i solve your problem and figure out why you are here, you stay low. I'll cast a spell so no one can track you down like I did. As soon as I find a solution, you are going back to your universe."

She opened her palm just to create some kind of necklace with purple stone that looked like amethyst.

"Don't take this off. Ever."

When she closed her hands again, you felt a little more weight on your neck, just to find the necklace on your neck. your fingertips touched the cold stone. you could feel the energy coming out of it.

Just as you prepared yourself to ask your question, your room's door opened like someone was trying to get in. Without any knock.

You saw Jason's worried face looking at you and suddenly you panicked that he might see Zatanna and ask some questions about it. but when you looked behind, there was no one. You touched your neck just to make sure of her existence.

Your necklace was hanging around your neck.

"Are you okay little bird? it's been some time."

He said as he closed the door after him. He was suspecting something. Your window was completely open and you were still standing right next to the door. You looked paler than you were before like you saw some sort of ghost. He was genuinely worried about you considering you were dealing with a lot of situations right now. he could understand how painful it must be for you to get through all of these things.

"Yes, I'm okay. I just thought I saw someone and got scared."

He moved closer to the window to check if someone tried to get inside. It would be the last experience of their life considering everyone in this house was well-trained vigilantes. He didn't see anything and almost convinced it was because of the losing memory thing but then he realized the necklace around your neck. It had a distinct design that Jason has never seen.

"Hey, what's that?" He pointed to the necklace, curiosity piqued.

You instinctively covered the pendant with your hand, feeling a bit protective of it. "Oh, um, it's just a necklace I found. I thought it looked nice, so I put it on."

Jason raised an eyebrow but didn't press the matter further. "Alright, as long as you're okay. You ready for that walk?"

You nodded, eager to get some fresh air and clear your head after the encounter with Zatanna. You followed Jason out of the room, trying to act as normal as possible despite the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions inside you that crashes you.

You decide to take a deep breath and leave this matter in your room, just to enjoy some good moments with one of your favorite characters of all time. Well, you really should stop referring to him as a character too though, since you were in this universe now and he was a real person. Even though it was kind of weird.

When you guys were going down the stairs Jason's phone rang. he was in front of you so when he stopped you couldn't help but bump him with a sudden reflex your hand grabbed his shoulder to stop yourself from falling.

Your movements surprised you as if you were as slow as a sloth in your universe. It was not because you were lazy no, it was because your poor heart wasn't able to deal with too much movement that's why you were never into any kinds of sports. You couldn't even catch a ball if they threw it right onto your face.

He looked at you to see if you were okay before opening his phone and started to move again.

You were eager to know who was on the other end, you couldn't help but listen in, despite knowing it was wrong. You slowed your steps, tried to breathe much more quieter, tuning in to the conversation.

The voice on the other end sounded quite soft and young, he was most likely Jason's best friend Roy. You were familiar with his character when their own separate comic journey came out some years ago. and also considering Jason only has like three friends there weren't any other options. 'The outlaws' Although you didn't enjoy how the comic was going, you kept reading for their developing friendship and of course for Kori. That woman was the embodiment of power.

"Yeah, I was planning to join you last night, but family matters came up." Your thoughts stopped wondering when you heard him talk again. You couldn't quite understand what Roy was saying because Jason was walking fast but from the talk of the Jason, you kind of assumed they were expecting him to come yesterday and probably you were to so called up family matters.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to make it tonight either. The harbor, you say?" There was a brief pause. "Alright, send me the location. I'll be there in an hour." Something about the Harbor though, made you feel uneasy. but again you couldn't overthink it when Jason hung up the phone and turned around to face you.

You tried to act like you didn't overhead the entire conversation and just stared at your feet.

"Something came up little bird I'm sorry but we have to reschedule our walk and I have to go to my friends."

"Is everything alright Jason?"

He paused again probably thinking himself if everything was alright but quickly started to smile. "Yes, don't even think about it. I just need to run some errands. I promise to make it up though, I hope it is okay for me to leave you."

A gentleman like always.

you smiled reassuringly and nod your head. "Yeah, sure. I will see you around." He hugged you before he grabbed his jacket nearby the door and rushed towards the outside.

Harbor. It seemed too familiar to not to think about it. There was a harbor in Gotham but it was probably far considering they were always going by their cars or motorcycles. At least that what was written in the comics.

You turned around too and started to climb stairs while you were thinking. It wasn't even afternoon and you already had enough encounters for the day. It was much more easier before you realized you were just travelling between worlds you thought. now you were stuck in your favorite comic series in the body of their assassin sister with the mind of your own. which was a curse in your opinion. you felt alone and you were actually all alone. 

when you reached your room you were glad there wasn't anyone lurking around the house today. Damian was out, Jason was out, Tim was probably reading or something god knows what and for Dick, you were sure he wasn't going to visit you anytime soon considering he was not in Gotham that often now so when he was here he was usually meeting with friends. at least in comics it was what he was doing. or maybe he was outside making phone calls to everyone he knows to find a solution for your so called memory loss.

Tim on the other hand had a calm morning. After Damian took you out of his room this morning, he stayed awake a little bit more to go over some of the details on his recent case since all he had to do was researching about your memory loss that night or thinking about you constantly. After he realized he wasn't productive at all he decided to sleep a little bit. Its been hours since he slept, hell, maybe days. he wasn't even counting at that point. Alfred was out, doing groceries that's why he didn't bother himself to prepare something to eat. He just got into his bed and slept.

After some time his body awake him. He wasn't used to sleeping much that's why he was always struggling with insomnia. The most he could sleep was maybe four hours in a good day but most of the time it wasn't even the case, the constant nightmares wasn't leaving him alone. He wasn't even remembering them after waking up but most of the nights when he fell asleep he was waking with a lot of sweat, out of breath, crying like a ten year old kid who's afraid of darkness. that's why he stopped patrolling for some time now. he was helping his family behind computers and he also didn't trust himself around you.

He drank a glass of water and checked the time. It was almost six, he slept for four hours which was very good. although he woke up multiple times. When he reached for his phone he saw a text from five hours ago. it was from Jason, saying that he went to the harbor for a deal and left you alone in the mansion. Tim sighed loudly, he hated when he was getting treated like a fucking babysitter over you or Damian. he quickly texted some swear words to Jason and get out of the bed.

Your rooms were close considering Dicks and Jason's rooms were on the other side of the mansion. It was only going to take like, i don't know, ten seconds to reach your room but he was already feeling too lazy to do so.

The weather was rainy, again. and it was already dark. Considering it's summer Tim just guessed that a storm was approaching.

When he was in front of your room he heard a little scream inside of the room so without knocking he barged in.

There you were, standing on Damian's bed with a katana on your hand. your hand was bleeding and your other hand was holding the katana like your life depending on it.

"What are you doing?"

He rushed towards you and grabbed the tall sword out of your hand and put it on the wall again. you gave a big sigh and you jumped out of the bed.

"I just wanted to see if they were real."

You said calmly. Tim got off the bed and turned around to face you. You were wearing black jeans with a big hoodie thats covering your face almost completly. the blood from the cut was dripping on the carpet slowly as you seemed like completely unbothered. He didn't say anything and went over the wardrobe to find a first aid kit. you fuys were getting injured more often than you would like to admit so there were first aid kits almost everywhere now.

"I guess you found out whether they were real or not princess."

He spoke teasingly while you rolled your eyes thanking every god or whatever you should be praying since you don't know who they are praying to in this world for not realizing you were lying.

You had an idea after long hours of thinking, you were going to follow Jason to be able to understand what all these Harbor things were. It was driving you crazy to not be able to remember anything because clearly it was important. That's why grabbing the katana seemed like a good idea until it wasn't.

The room was dimly lit, the only light coming from the city skyline outside the window since you didn't bother yourself to open the lights. you were going to leave anyway.

He seemed like he just woke up. His hair was messy but in a pretty way, his eyes were a little puffy probably from sleeping so little and drinking all that coffee. his sweatpants were low on his waist. when he was doing stuff around the room you could see how his muscles were moving. he was the definition of handsome and charming.

Yes you loved every batfamily members, they were all good looking and such a husband material, at least you were thinking this when you were reading. sometimes when your feelings were overwhelming you, you were reading fan-fictions about them to ease your mind but it was not a lie that even though you forced yourself to read about others, it was always Tim that you found yourself reading. It was safe to say that he was your comic-crush if it was a real term. He was clever, quick, witty, charming and of course handsome. He was the nicest yet the baddiest character you've ever read. there was something about him that makes you want to jump all over him now that you realize it is Tim fucking Drake you're standing right in front of. You coughed to gather your thoughts and he came towards you with a bag in his hand.

Your heart was pounding being this close to him. You were getting angry at yourself for being this kind of a fangirl. He grabbed your hand and slowly he touched with a cotton that he put some alcohol early.

"Shit." you sweared under your breath. It was just a little cut and it wasn't even hurting that much beforehand but now it was burning like somebody put the hellfires  right on to your palm. After a little bit more alcohol he bandaged your hand.

He looked like he was doing some kind of operation. His eyebrows were frowned with concentration, you couldn't help but smile because of his nice touches.

"Enjoying yourself I assume."

He smirked while his eyes met with yours in seconds. You tried to look away but it was like the spell Zatanna cast over you this morning. you couldn't move.

Maybe the theories about him and the Viperia were true, they were secretly dating because he clearly had something for you, to be more exact Viperia.

"Don't get cocky Drake I can stare at whoever I want, wherever I want and whenever I want. It's my eyes after all."

He laughed with your answer.

"You still have your sharp tongue I presume."

His laugh sent a shiver down your spine, not from the cold but from something deeper, something dangerous. It had been so long since you'd heard that voice like this���lighthearted, teasing. For a moment, you wanted to let yourself get lost in it, but you couldn’t afford that luxury. You had bigger problems. Like what was about to happen at the harbor.

That's why you thought the sword was a good option to go with. since you were going to this mission in secret you needed a weapon just in case someone tried to attack you. Even though you had your hesitations you were sure that katana's itself is scary enough to drive people away.  but it was a horrible fail, who would've thought that thing would be heavy as hell.

"Why are you dressed like that anyway?"

He asked suspiciously while he looked at you with a great attention again. It was like he was trying to see through your lies and you were that if he stared at you more he actually might that's why you came up with a quick lie.

"Oh, I just needed some fresh air so I decided to go to the garden by myself..

He squinted his eyes like he was searching through your face. he wasn't convinced enough.

"Do you always get some fresh air while you dress like that?"

You sighed as you got annoyed.

"I didn't know Gotham had a dress code, Timbo."

You crossed your arms, rolling your eyes before brushing past him. If this conversation went on any longer, he’d put the pieces together, and you couldn't afford that. He was one of the best detectives in the world. He’d figure you out.

You were almost at the door when you felt the warmth of his breath against your neck. You froze.

"Careful, princess," he murmured, voice lower, softer—dangerous. "You almost have me believing that you got your memory back and you're hiding it from me."

Without another word, you pushed forward, quickening your pace as you  ran out of the room.

Damn it. He was too good at this. Too perceptive. Too much.

And you had to move fast before he caught up.

The wind was unforgiving, biting through your clothes as you shivered behind a stack of woods. The air was thick with salt and rusted metal. You could barely feel your fingers from the cold.

It had taken you almost an hour to find this Harbor. The walk was miserable, but you finally managed to track down the warehouse. Jason was inside, standing across from a group of masked men, Roy at his side, arms crossed. Both of them were suited up, Red Hood and Arsenal.

The wind once again blew your hoodie out of your head and you decided to give up from the secrecy. You have found the warehouse that the meeting was happening thank god. Through the broken window of this old warehouse. It seemed like it was an exchange: information for supplies. Standard business in Gotham.

But something about this moment—this exact moment—felt wrong again. Familiar, maybe even too familiar. As if you had seen it before.

Then, footsteps were heard. Soft but not quite. Like that someone wanted you to realize they were right behind you. You were fucked if this was one of the men from inside but you weren't going to give up without fighting. You turned sharply, already reaching for the knife that you put around your body—only to find Tim stepping out of the shadows, hands in his pockets, looking entirely unimpressed.

He was wearing a long black coat almost covering his entire body yet wearing nothing around his face. He was much more handsome under the moonlight and you realized how much his eyes resembled the sea.

"You really thought you could shake me that easily?"

You cursed under your breath, quickly grabbing his arm and pulling him down beside yourself to make sure nobody's seeing you.

"Are you insane? You can’t just walk up like that to me!"

"Right, because you're sneaking off in the middle of the night to spy on..."

He looked through the broken window with a deadpan look on his face.

"the red hood makes perfect sense, right?"

You were going to die that was for sure. You got caught and how could someone explain this situation.

"Why are you here?" He seemed more serious now. Your mind was racing, tracing back and forth to find a reasonable answer to explain all of these but the words weren't coming out of your mouth at all.

"I was… just curious."

Tim raised an eyebrow, didn't believe anything that was coming out of my mouth.

"Curious. About a bunch of vigilantes. During a weapons exchange. In the middle of the empty harbor. Alone."

He was scary when he was angry that's why you couldn't meet or refused to meet his gaze but his long fingers wrapped around your chin to make sure you were looking right into his eyes.

"Does this mean your memory’s back?"

That hit harder than expected. Your chest tightened and your breath hitched. There was no escape now.

"I—No. It’s not like that."

Tim leaned in slightly, voice dropping lower like almost a whisper. only inches away from your lips yet not stopping the eye-contact.

"Then what is it like? Because you're acting weird. for someone who just lost their memory you are quite active, persistent and curious. help me understand."

Before you could answer, movement inside the warehouse caught your eye. The sound of a gun being cocked. And suddenly, the scene hit you like a fast train.

The docks. The deal. The ambush. The gunfire. Blood. So much blood.

You have read about it, about this exact scene. It was when Roy Harper almost got killed and stayed in coma for months which pushed Jason over the edge of madness and made him a complete mess with a brutal side that kills everyone and everything that gets into his way.

It was one of the harshest things that you've read. It was a complete disaster.

You sucked in a sharp breath, eyes completely wide

"No. No, no, no—"

Tim frowned with worry.

"What? What is it?"

You spoke with a whisper like tone almost murmuring to yourself.

"This—this is wrong. If we don't help them it's gonna be worse than dying for Roy and Jason."

It was Tim's turn to be shocked.

"What are you talking ab—How do you even kno—You got your memory back right?"

You didn’t answer.

Because there was no time.

You pulled free, grabbing the knives strapped to your waist, and moved.

The window was big enough. You slipped through without hesitation, your body moving on autopilot. Everything was happening so fast Tim wasn't able to find an opportunity to react. There was a shooter hiding behind the barrels—you knew that. You knew because he was the one who shot Roy, the one no one saw coming.

You wouldn’t let it happen.

The knife left your hand before you could think. It struck metal, clattering against the barrel—enough to send the shooter scrambling out of his hiding place.

Chaos erupted.

Jason and Roy reacted instantly. Guns fired. Fists flew. The ambush was now an open fight, and they had a chance.

A chance they didn’t have before.

And then—arms wrapped around you.

Before you could struggle, you were yanked back through the window, landing outside the warehouse, pressed against something firm and solid.

Tim.

His scent filled your senses—coffee, rain and sandalwood, something distinctly him.

You gripped his shoulders to steady yourself, breathing hard. Adrenaline was leaving every part of your body as you tried to take deep breaths.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed, his tone sharp but quiet enough to keep from drawing attention to both of you.

His gaze flickered down, and suddenly, his expression changed. His eyes widened.

Your necklace was glowing.

His grip on you is tightened you could feel his fingertips piercing through your skin even though with your clothes on.

"Why is your necklace glowing?" he demanded.

He locked eyes with you, and this time, there was something ele

Suspicion.

Fear.

His voice was barely a whisper.

"Who are you?"

[3spurrrr]

Okay I rewatched bsd, here are my thoughts :)

- I had read the manga too but that was a while ago. I still love how the anime adapts the manga and how it doesn't completely go off doing its own thing etc. I also feel like the anime increases the og pacing of the manga and I find that cunt!

- I have to say that the intelligence aspect of the characters is so outlandishly written. It's incredibly illogical and even for manga anime world, unrealistic. It makes sense for them to be smart but it doesn't make sense how they do what they do. It's not really explained at all. With the hunting dogs its at least somewhat explained why they are so OP, but with fyodor or dazai, we get zero Intel on their thought process.

A perfect example of a really well written realistic intelligent character would be L and light from death note. Their strategy is always somewhat or outright clear and it makes it fun for the viewer because they feel like a part of the team and not some third wheel. We can somewhat "relate" and sympathize etc.

Here. I wouldn't care about their beef if it didn't directly affect the ADA.

But im not sure how believable the author wants the story to be in the first place.. after all... he IS a kafka fan and you can expect a lot of fundamental vagueness disguised in a slew of allegedly meaningful metaphors from those guys.

I'm starting to believe that dazai and fyodor are actually so incredibly stupid it paradoxes into intelligence... I mean... fyodor definitely is morally demented but dazai is just... bro idk what the fuck he is and I don't care to be honest. All he wanted to do was die and somehow ended up in the mafia. But his suicidalness and how it's handeled and how it functions or dysfunctions in the plot, is a topic for a different conversation.

All I can say is: never make your characters OP in too many things. The plot is predictable and by now I just anticipate both of them to constantly outsmart each other and you know what? It happens all the fucking time.

I wouldn't be surprised if dazai ended up victorious or fyodor or if they both died or lived. Anything is possible with them and that is not good writing. You want the reader to believe that there is only one or two outcomes and then BOOM you smack them across the face with a really nice plot twist. All of the plot twists concerning the two are predictable in a way where you know one is coming but now how exactly it will happen.

Sooo unfortunate since they are the main people who move the plot forward. It's sad that the writer chose to go with the lame trope of "I have a backup plan for my backup plan for my backup plan" or "I knew that you knew that I knew that you knew that I knew"

The only thing keeping me going is the art style, the odd charm and i just have an enormous crush on fyodor and a soft spot for sigma and atsushi.

[mothmanssweetsucculentass]

Ok here’s my two cents that no one asked for on the current (sort of?) debate going on in the Creepypasta fandom on here rn.

For starters, I grew up with Creepypasta. I also grew up mentally ill. I am also autistic. So I know my way around good and bad mental health rep at this point. And to be honest? A lot of the original stories DID suck balls at representation or just horror writing in general.

However, nowadays I see other people on here, often mentally ill or any other social outcast, taking these characters and reshaping them as their own to fit their own feelings and experiences, and I don’t think anyone has the authority to criticize things like that. Cringe culture is supposed to be dead anyways, nevermind the fact it’s inherently ableist at its core.

We also need to take into account kids still exist in the fandom. Pre teens who got tired of shit like scooby doo and wanted something more “mature” or “edgy” to get into without fully going off the deep end into full blown horror movies. At least that’s how it was for me. Not everyone, especially someone who’s younger, is gonna be comfortable with the grit and gore a lot of Creepypasta “purists” are pushing for these days, and that’s okay! When a fandom gets popular it’s always inevitable and unavoidable to have the popular characters get two dimensionalized.

There’s also the whole mascot horror thing that I don’t wanna get into, but I’m 90% sure that also plays a part in the old favorites like Jeff and slenderman being brought up again. They were and still are recognizable characters. Recognizable characters aren’t a bad thing. Making horror more approachable for younger audiences isn’t a bad thing. People having their own interpretations based out of their own experiences isn’t a bad thing.

Some of us grew up and wanted the more edgy and reality based content, and that’s also not a bad thing! But neither side should be dictating or policing how the other enjoys content in this fandom. If you personally don’t like the way something is written, characterized, depicted, or drawn, no one’s forcing you to look at it. No one’s claiming it as canon. No one’s asking for you to accept it as the end all be all.

At the end of the day this fandom was built on OCs and personal depictions of stuff. I can’t name a single character or story in this community that was created by some outside party like a movie or TV studio FIRST (because I know some got so popular they breached the fandom and got their own shows/movies/comics/etc). Everything here was created by someone who wanted an outlet for their creativity, or their pain, or their coping, or whatever else.

Realism and dark headcanons aren’t bad, and neither are any of the headcanons out there who just wanna make a goofy found family of social rejects as a form of escapism.

A 13 year old drawing a fictional layout of a fictional mansion where these fictional characters live isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the horror, I promise, it’s not that deep and it never was.

A 22 year old making a dark comic on the realistic origins of Jeff who is a fictional character in a fictional world isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the more softhearted side of the fandom.

Sure, there can still be a split if people are so adamant about that, but as someone who personally enjoys both the brutal horror side and the “haha Jeff is 15 and gay” sides equally, y’all need to at least learn to be civil to anyone who has a different headcanon than you. And if that seems like too much still, the block button exists for a reason.

TL:DR this fandom is based entirely off OCs and headcanons and people can do whatever the fuck they want because none of it is real and horror comes in many shapes and sizes and intensities and no one should be bashing anyone on their headcanons or views or rewrites or whatever else.

EDIT:

Actually wait I think I have more to say-

Horror, like any genre, has NO AGE LIMIT. And by that I mean, if someone younger wants to delve into scary stuff, they should be allowed to do so without criticism. I personally grew up on “child friendly” horror media like Scooby-Doo, and the older I got the more horror I wanted to experience.

There’s no right or wrong way to “understand” horror, and I frankly think it’s ignorant and stupid to say if you don’t fully “understand” something, then you shouldn’t be involved in it at all. Horror isn’t always about gore and unspeakable violence and the eldritch entity that wants everyone’s skin inside out. That’s why horror has sub genres for fucks sake. Gut wrenching brutality against innocent people isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay!

However, bashing anyone’s tamer headcanons, or calling anything anyone interprets differently than you “stupid”, that’s not okay. God, I feel like an exhausted parent giving this lecture to fellow adults, but this really needs to be said and stressed.

I am an adult. I like when stuff in the fandom takes a dark turn. But for nostalgia’s sake, I also love the fanon so much, because that’s what I was exposed to.

And for fucks sake if it comes down to picking sides, I would rather stick with the part of this fandom that gives zero shits how you see a character as long as you’re having fun.

You can have your serial killer 30 year old Jeff and your canon-accurate-to-that-one-image eyeless Jack, but don’t shit on other people if they don’t want the same thing. Your interpretation isn’t canon, and neither is anyone else’s for that matter.

Realistic, dark, gritty Creepypasta isn’t a new concept, and neither is “adult” Creepypasta. And by the way, Creepypasta was never stated to be for adults. That’s like saying kids and only kids can eat trix cereal. It sounds that stupid on paper.

Let people interpret things the way they wanna interpret. No one is infringing on YOUR character ideas. Creepypasta has no age limit, nor a set way the horror has to be presented. Those who do continue to claim that just sound like pretentious assholes.

Very small side note, I personally think it’s inappropriate and rude to keep using Toby as a “bad example” of mental health rep when the creator has stated multiple times the character is old, not researched, and not even in the fandom anymore. Leave the poor guy alone.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Thoughts on upcoming Veilguard AMA.

Obligatory 'I'm not an asshole' disclaimer. Feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I was on media blackout while I played it. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Note. None of my writing on DA, but especially DAV, is edited. This is just my off the cuff writing. I don't have the time, energy, or heart to edit them properly.

Heard there was an AMA coming up on the 4th of December.

Given how the devs weaseled out from every actually important question in every other AMA, I don't have a lot of hope that we'll get any answers as to why DAV is so bad.

I just want to know why they scrapped Joplin. It had almost everything committed fans wanted. I want to know why every single decision they made somehow managed to make the game worse. I think there was pressure from EA. But rumour has it that BioWare has always had a lot of control over the games they make.

It's probably partially EA's fault. But I think the blame for the DAV mess belongs firmly on the devs and the people who decided to fire their (often) best writing talent.

But I'm not going to go. Because of said weasely behavior.

Maybe I just have to be done with games from huge corporations. I'm playing Greedfall now and loving it. It’s an RPG from an indie studio. It's a wee step back on graphics, they reused a couple of sets, but generally, it's a very solid RPG that feels like an RPG. They aren't staying away from sticky ideas and awful behavior by people. I find that incredibly realistic. The main/player character is a diplomat, who lies like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

I kept expecting Rook to burst into song and bluebirds to fly out of their ass. Maybe big corporates just can't give me what I want in RPGs anymore. I want truly morally grey choices. I want sticky political shit. I want passionate Romances with happy endings. I want to feel when I play games like these. Which means I need games with solid writing, good characters, and excellent world building. It means the OST has to be good. Not something that had the dedication to it as if Zimmer scraped it off his boot. Greedfall has all that. Plus the morally grey choices.

I've usually purchased and played AAA games from bigger companies because I do like unique maps to explore, and I'm an admitted graphics slut.

But holding DAV on one hand and GREEDFALL on the other? Greedfall wins, hands down. And it's a 5 year old game that very likely didn't have the 250 million dollar budget DAV had. I haven't even finished it yet, and it still wins. I played Subnautica Below Zero just before this one. It's more survival sandbox, but has plenty of RPG elements to it. When Unknown Worlds made both Subnautica games, they were still indie.

Perhaps, after loving BG3 as much as I do (Larian is also Indie) I should've gotten the message to check out indie produced RPGs earlier.

Message received.

DAVs utterly disastrous showing... It's likely a result of late stage capitalism and Disney polluting everything, and people in charge thinking MARVEL actually has any relevance since Disney bought it. Among a lot of other things I'll probably never know about.

But those are excuses. If BioWare truly has as much control as rumoured... it's on them. All of it.

I tried watching Loki. I utterly adore Tom Hiddleston, and even he couldn't get me through that disaster.

I already picked up a few more indie RPGs in the Steam fall sale. Looking forward to exploring them.

Maybe BioWare is just too corporatized to produce anything truly good anymore. Corporations don't have any room for true creativity.

It doesn't really matter. DAV broke my heart and landed BioWare on my boycott list for several reasons I detailed in my review series. I'm just done with them.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

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1. Hi! This is weirdly specific but I’m looking for modern AU fics set in China, written by Chinese authors preferably because I’m hoping to find the very accurate, realistic representations of China, with all those little “daily life” details that make the setting feel more real. I hope this makes sense, and thank you in advance for your help! ❤️

There's definitely Chinese diaspora collection(s). Give me a minute and I'll see if I can find some for #1 Like this one

I am not sure how many of these are set in China but it's a collection of non canon-set fic recs made by Chinese diaspora fans in two different Diaspora servers

this is another diaspora collection!

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

oh #1 even modern day cdrama are not all that accurate for daily life stuff. If you're feeling like branching out from wangxian fic to a cdrama with modern china daily life vibes that isn't 100% romance. Can try "Heart of Genius" it's a time/parallel world travel to the past.

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2. Hello again!!! Thanks for the recs, they're so goooood! I recently read two fics that involve catfishing, how to fall in love with a catfish: a guide by wei wuxian (disaster rat) by bwyn, Yuisaki & we'll get him falling for a stranger (or a catfish) by sweetlolixoand I'm hooked! I'll definitely recommend them to everyone!

Ok so I'm craving for more catfish fics. Preferably wangxian but I'd love Sangcheng or Xicheng too! Thanks again ❤️ @dizzydandelionsandhyperhydrillas

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3. ITMF: I'm very, very picky about modern aus but figured I'd give it a try. I want a modern au where they're already adults, it's angsty, and they're in character. My fave is when the angst kind of mirrors canonverse (ie WWX being "disowned," framed for something or disappearing, miscommunication, whatever so long as it isn't kind of just random melodrama) but I'll also just accept if the angst is in a breaking up -> getting back together/exes to lovers arc. Sorry if this is too picky!

These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou (E, 29k, WangXian, Modern AU, Kid Fic, Canon-Typical Violence, Minor Character DeathInjury, Natural Disasters, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Accidents) kinda

These all involve breakups/canon-level misunderstandings:

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 107k, WangXian, Modern AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, Persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

💖 Pentimento. by orange_crushed (E, 73k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, art conservation, museums, pining, not actually unrequited love, angst w/ happy ending, misunderstandings, smut, major character injury, hospitalization, hurt/comfort, past incarceration, forgery)

Waiting for Spring series by thievinghippo (E, 225k, WangXian, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Pining while fucking, slight angst, Happy Ending, for a baseball fic, there’s not a lot of baseball, Sports, Baseball)

Dirty Little Secret by ilip13 (E, 67k, wangxian, Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Post-Break Up, Friends with benefits / Exes with benefits / Fuck-buddies, Implied Cheating, Also possibly some cheating kink, Self-Worth Issues, WWX is strong with the self-hatred here, trigger warning: suicide and mental illness (background of minor character), Graduate Students, Liberal use of the word 'fuck', Semi-Nonlinear Storytelling)

The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 61k, wangxian, Modern, Mood Whiplash, musician LWJ, nanny WWX, Developing Relationship, Breakup, Texting, Pining, Eventual Happy Ending, Adoption, Child Abuse, abuse intervention, Miscommunication)

moonlight falls Series by RoseThorne (T, 19k, WangXian, Modern, Found Family, Corporate Espionage, Bunnies, Adoption, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, References to Depression, Anxiety, Blind Character, POV Third Person, POV WWX, Confrontations, Bad Parent LQR, Dissociation, Mental Health Issues, Anniversary, Food, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Emotional Constipation, Communication Failure, JC is Bad at Feelings, JC is Trying, WWX Needs a Hug, Implied/Referenced Sex, Food Sex, Friendship, Reconciliation, Psychological Trauma)

~*~

4. Hey, any fics where wwx's (and lwj's) parents are alive. Absolutely no omegaverse thanks

~*~

5. Hi! I’m looking for modern AU wangxian and I’ve searched far and wide for new ones. I don’t have anything specific except I looking for multichapter / longer than 15K! If there’s anything not talked about enough and AMAZING or something new etc. If there are any authors that write modern AU wangxian I’d love to know. Thank you so much for your page!

once upon a time, 很久很久以前 by gentil-minou (Flyingsuits) (M, 40k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, Canon Divergence, Transmigration, of the townwide variety, Amnesia, of the nearly everyone variety, Mystery, of the shenanigans variety, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Single Parent LWJ, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Minor Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending) this is my fic, it's modern au and pretty new. still ongoing though, idk if that's a turn off for you

Just Ask Me To Stay by mrcformoso (M, 20k, WangXian, Modern AU, Former JZ/WWX, Minor NieLan, Minor XuanLi, No Powers, Dancer WWX, Musician LWJ, Roommates, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Recovery, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Fluff, Light Angst, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Oral Sex, Domestic Fluff, LWJ Has a Big Dick, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Size Queen WWX, Belly Bulge, Porn With Plot, WWX Has Friends, LWJ Has Friends, Hurt/Comfort, A lot of comfort, Romantic Comedy, Cuter story than the summary makes it out to be, Feel-good) bestfriends to lovers and oh my god they were roommates.

eyes closed for you by soultana (E, 36k, wangxian, modern cultivation, POV LWJ, Cultivator LWJ, WWX is a spirit/yao, Dreams vs. Reality, basically WWX haunts LWJ's dreams (lovingly), Sexual Tension, Pining, YLLZ is misunderstood, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Masturbation, WWX is a Tease, Getting Together, Supportive LXC, LQR Is So Done)

take my hand, will you share this with me series by doodlebutt (E, 137k, wangxian, JC/WQ, Modern, figure skating, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Major Character Injury, Recovery, Getting Together, Background Pregnancy, the mortifying ordeal of Talking About Your Feelings, sexually tense pair skating, and tbh. sexually tense everything else too, past trauma, public displays of affection aka canon wangxian behaviour, u dont need a sex tape when the cctv footage is Right There!, There Was Only One Bed, Pre-Relationship, TEEN WANGXIAN MY BELOVED, Semi-Public Sex, sleep deprivation and irresponsible decisions can be sexy sometimes, with additional warnings in start note, Domestic Fluff, Burnout, Yúnmèng Siblings Feels, BSSR knows everything, angst! softness! tender yearning!, demi wwx)

Players gonna play by Scrippio (T, 41k, wangxian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, Modern, College/University au, Theater AU, Director WWX, Faculty advisor LWJ, grad student JC, Baker JYL, grad student WQ, Fluff, First Meeting, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Depression, WIP)

Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 108k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP)

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9. Hi! Hope you guys are okay <3

For your next itmf, I was hoping you could rec me something a bit more particular? Something that highlights Yi Ziyuan's abuse and makes wwx leave the Jiang sect for good. And then as time passes YZY tries to bring wwx down, or just regrets doing what she did. Can be modern, or not, I really don't mind. I just wanna see genius wwx standing up for himself and getting the love and appreciation he deserves!

Thank you again!! 🩷 @flexible-racoon

💖 Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) It's not the focus of the fic, but it does feature characters reacting to YZY's abusive treatment of WWX & has her try to bring him down after he leaves the sect, though that part happens late in the fic

Debts of a Child series by Hauntcats (M, 115k, WangXian, dark, YZY Bashing, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, JC Bashing, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters.)

If Wishes Were Donkeys by NightOwl1 (M, 61k, WIP, WangXian, SVSSS, Time Travel Fix-It, Case Fic, Mpreg, Fluff and Humor, Dysfunctional Jiāng Family, Bad Parent YZY, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Period-Typical Homophobia, Crossdressing, LWJ and WWX Have a Breeding Kink, It's All The System's Fault, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Warning: JGS, Good Uncle LQR, LWJ and WWX Are LSZ's Parents, Inappropriate Humor, Family Feels) If Wishes Were Donkeys, kinda. YZY gets caught between her hatred of WWX and knowing he's talented when LWJ comes to get him to bring him back to Gusu as a bride, forcing her to accept a single copper coin and handing over the rights to all of WWX's inventions and blowing her top when it comes to light WWX's inventions are actually incredible

Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 108k, wangxian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war, WIP) (link in #5)

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10. Are there any fics that contain WWX resenting/hating on the Jiangs? Maybe he'd do revenge after he's out of LP or something similar with that would be ok

~*~

11. itmf fics where JC is raising baby JL as a single parent. modern au preferred, but any is good! he could have support from others or not, but im looking for fics where he does most of the day to day parenting

To lurk, to lie in wait by trippednfell (M, 124k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Huli Jing, strangers to co-parents to lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Dragons, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, background NieLan, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not Really Character Death, Fox Spirit WWX, Dragon LWJ, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

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12. For the next itmf, I’m looking for fics where wwx gets turned into child/baby @selkie-hi

found your writing on my wall by howodd5ever (T, 25k, WangXian, Accidental Baby Acquisition, De-aged WWX, in which jc and lwj have to learn to deal with each other, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Referenced Child Neglect, discussion of parental loss, child food insecurity, Case Fic, kind of, Nightmares)

no time for crying by Narci (T, 10k, WangXian, Wwx protection squad, Age Regression/De-Aging, Kid!WWX, kid!lsz, night hunt gone absolutely right, (lowkey golden core fix it), Fluff, Angst and Feels, Humor, Juniors)

grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon, [Podfic] Grow by jellyfishfire)

❤️ in case of fire, break glass by Jenrose (T, 65k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Post-Canon, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Genius Inventor WWX, No Women Die, Background XiYao, Second Chances, unless they're too evil to save, Canon-typical Temporary Major Character Death, First Time) this has some physical deaging via time travel

A Tiny, Untimely Mess by Hauntcats (T, 26k, WIP, WangXian, Child WWX, Canonical Character Death, Accidental Baby Acquisition) this is a WIP

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13. I've had a craving for a D&D AU for a while, but haven't come across any of them naturally so far. I don't mind it being them playing D&D, but preferably it would be a D&D styled fantasy AU. I just want silly Wangxian in Faerun tbh. @littlemintrose

🧡 Where’s Your Emergency? by trippednfell (M, 64k, WangXian, 911 Dispatcher WWX, Single dad LWJ, Kid fic, Modern AU, D&D Games, Angst with a happy ending) has WWX as a D&D player, and he creates characters based on himself and LWJ (and later creates his own fantasy D&D game)

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14. Itmf wwx's motherly instincts towards his ducklings pls

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15. Hi! I love love LOVE fics where Lan Zhan gets badly hurt and Wei Ying gets all protective over him. Bonus if Wei Ying goes all angry/dangerous to those who hurt Lan Zhan. Basically any fic where Wei Ying is protecting Lan Zhan who is in a bad situation is welcome 😂 Do you have specific tags or posts like that? @acklesforlife

❤️ Rabbit Heart by Suaine (M, 57k, wangxian, yearning, family issues)

moonlight caught in mutton fat by Raitelzen (T, 45k, WangXian, Case Fic, Curses, Curse Breaking, Transformation, mild body horror, Hurt LWJ, Ghosts)

the field meets the wood by astronicht (T, 7k, WangXian, BAMF WWX, slight whump, Ritualistic Self Harm, Canon Era, Tang Dynasty style, Blood Loss, Blood and Injury, salt economics, Post-Canon, [Podfic] the field meets the wood by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona), [podfic] the field meets the wood by jellyfishfire)

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16. hello! nothing in particular, just wangxian fics where lwj calls wwx his airen (i read it once in a fic and i am obssessed)

what price is duty, what cost is love by thunderwear (G, 18k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, WWX was never adopted by the Jiang Sect, War Prize, YLLZ WWX, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, First Time, Falling In Love, eventual dramatic confessions, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Stop (But please don't) by Silvers_Hidden_Corner (Silver_Flame_2724) (E, 1k, wangxian, Dubious Consent, Somnophilia, technically non-consensual somnophilia because they didn't discuss it beforehand, Bite Kink, Overstimulation, Size Kink, Strength Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Belly Bulge, Dirty Talk, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot)

~*~

17. Hello there! First of all Thank you for all the fic that all of you have recommended, it was very helpful and interesting. Please take care of yourselves well.

For the next ITMF, i would really appreciate if you could recommend me something that is truly heart-wrenching. I want fics that will destroy my feelings and heart.

Thank u so much! Have a great day.

When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, wangxian, major character death, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WWX confesses early on, But canon still happens, LWJ starts confessing after, but the tables have turned, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad, LWJ rejects WWX, Then gets rejected by WWX after, "Get Lost") because I love breaking and mending hearts apparently

New Perspective series by mrcformoso (T, 35k, wangxian, LSZ & LWJ, WN & WWX, LSZ & WWX, LJY/LSZ, major character death, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Fatherhood, Regrets, Flashbacks, POV LWJ, LWJ-centric, Canonical Character Death, Pining LWJ, LWJ Has Feelings, LWJ Needs a Hug, Character Development, Dead WWX, LWJ deals with the death of his love, And learns to be a father along the way, Introspection, Feelings, LWJ is Bad at Feelings, Character Study, Regretful LWJ, Breaking Toxic Cycles, Canon Compliant, LWJ in Seclusion, Post-LWJ in Seclusion, Child LSZ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence but only the ending, Because can we agree that The Untamed Ending was bull, LWJ regaining Wei Ying's Trust, Golden Core Reveal, Good LSZ; Snippets, Post-Time Skip, Love Confessions, Requited Love, Trust Issues, WWX Has a Fear of Dogs, WWX Has No Golden Core, Jealousy, Fierce Corpse WN, Protective LWJ, Post-Canon, WWX Has Chronic Pain, WWX Has Issues, WWX has Phantom Pain, WWX was Malnourished, Sad LWJ, POV WWX, WWX is always cold, migraines, Suicidal WWX, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide, mirror therapy, Good Friend NHS, Crying, WWX's body is normal but he still feels as if it isnt, POV LSZ. Found Family, Toxic Elders, Growing Up, The Lan Juniors, LSZ's parents suffered, And so he starts a revolution, Bringing about change, LWJ Adopts LSZ, WWX is LSZ's Parent, LSZ is a polite menace, HGJ raised an army of Lan rebels and we're here for it, Good Uncle WN) can guarantee has made multiple people cry

to the act of making noise by words-writ-in-starlight (WordsWritInStarlight) (G, 19k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, inquiry, Music, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, CQL Verse, [Podfic] to the act of making noise by Ceewelsh, flamingwell, kisahawklin, Rionaa) This one is totally heart-wrenching (and heart-mending), bring your tissues! Gotta especially recommend the podfic version, especially the one work music added. Absolutely shreds your tear ducts. The whole series is incredible tbh

Home Front by flamingwell (T, 1k, LSZ & WWX, Post-Canon, Angst, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Death, Qiongqi Path prison camp references, hence the referenced child abuse and death, Grief/Mourning, a lot of angst in a small package, War Crimes)

and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow by izanyas (E, 308k, WIP, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Rape Recovery, Unplanned Pregnancy, Discrimination, Slow Burn, the slowest burn imaginable, Violence/Gore, Child Abuse, Suicide, post-partum depression, a painful but gentle journey into the intricacies of bodily autonomy) one of the most heart-wrenching and disturbing fics I’ve ever read full stop. please mind the trigger warnings. it’s a/b/o but is very much a dark fic that takes it very seriously, to the point that i would hardly consider it an abo fic anymore 😭 incredible world building and deals with themes of sexual abuse, discrimination and all those lovely things </3 unfinished atm but the author has plans to continue

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[todorokistheories]

Endeavor Is One Of My Favorite Characters

I don't agree with his redemption from a viewer standpoint but heres the thing no one seems to realize.

It's really realistic.

tw: discussion of abuse, toxic masculinity, it's the todorokis what do you expect

I can't count how many middle aged men I've seen realize that what they were told about being a man their entire lives was false. They never learned to mature, sit with their feelings, and all they were left with was this anger they never learned how to control.

Now let me make this clear. I am IN NO WAY defending his actions.

Old, prideful, misogynistic men all bought into this idea of power and authority. They think they're better than everyone else because if they aren't, they have nothing.

Sometimes they wake up, realize that all they've done is hurt people.

These men have a breaking point, some reach it on their deathbed, some find it in themselves to change before their children are born.

Or, for example, Bakugou was taught by the ppl around him that he was what everyone wanted to be.

Difference is... he grew up. Endeavor didn't.

Endeavor had great success in his 20s, a loving wife who was bought specially for him, the public's awe, and his first ever prodigy who was going to be even more special than him. He was in the best position he would ever be in his whole life. He peaked.

That's why All Might's success messed with him so much.

He was at the highest point of his life and career and he STILL wasn't good enough to become number one.

For a man who only has his pride, that's a huge ego crusher. Unlike Bakugou, he never sat with this. He became obsessed, deciding that if he couldn't be the best then he'd train his kids so that they were. That way he was still worth something. Because all of his worth was tied to his success.

It didn't matter what stood in his way, because he had two choices: succeed, or admit to himself that he was a failure.

For men who bought into toxic masculinity, yeah that wasn't an option.

And then his worst failure happened. Touya burned.

He died and suddenly those voices that told Enji that he was a failure grew loud enough for him to lash out at everyone who might even hint that they agree. Unfortunately, Rei was in the forefront of that. Every comment about their children turned into a criticism that his ego couldn't handle. It was a personal attack.

And then his second failure happened. Shouto burned.

Suddenly, the shame was too much to handle. So, he sent away the person who was constantly reminding him of his inadequacies: Rei. He sent her away to never see the light of day again because he couldn't face it.

He locked everything away and threw away the key, shutting down Shouto and choosing to see his son as an object and a means to an end. Because he's special, remember? He's better than everyone. He is worth something because he's special.

Then Touya, who he shoved all of this generational trauma onto, turned out to be alive. Not only is he alive, he's the antithesis of what Enji fought his whole life to be.

Suddenly, he couldn't hide anymore. The whole world knew he was a fraud. He's forced to face the jealousy, the embarrassment, the shame, and the feeling of worthlessness that he ruined his life to run away from in the first place.

His career, gone. Image, gone. Youth, gone. His life is over and all he is left with is the shards of a family he broke years ago.

So he embraces it. He accepts the blame for the first time in his life.

And it changes for the better. He can't undo it. He can't fix what he hurt. And he can't truly repair anything. But he can try and that's worth something even if he's not.

This is something that happens in real life. And no one is expected to forgive these people for the harm they've caused. But understanding it is the first step to not repeating it. So yeah, I fucking hate Endeavor but goddamn he's well written.

Horikoshi wrote something very accurate to the experiences thousands of people have and I appreciate that. It's needed in media. There's many things he's done with the Todoroki family that I do not agree with, but the premise of Endeavor's redemption is one that rings true.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The C person is a Beningn Narcissist

Carmy is her chosen victim.

She loved-bombed him.

He fell for her because he was vulnerable.

Disclaimer: This meta might already exist. However I tend to avoid reading about the C person, so most likely I avoided it unless it was from a mutual and crossed my way when I was in an extremely good mood, because otherwise I just can't stomach reading about her. But I doubt I'm the first person on Tumblr who noticed she's a narcissist as it can be seen pretty much from outer space. That being said, I will go for it because I have been sitting on this post since I spotted the triangulation she pulled with Tiff on June 26. But also, writing about her feels like pulling teeth to me. So wish me luck. Here I go:

I have been going over this massive black hole from Carmy's perspective on multiple occasions already:

Stuck in her mud

Backfire

He let her take the wheel

And barely edging it from hers:

Her reverse psychology

Her dark side

Source: Psychology Today

From the outside, it's quite easy to spot her first red flag 🚩when she didn't take the "wrong number hint" and bulldozed into his life. Obviously, Carmy didn't, and let's not say the C person is unattractive or downright unfuckable because that would be not only mean but also inaccurate, she's the kinda woman a guy who barely ever gets laid would be all over if she was easy and willing, which she was, even if that guy wasn't Carmy. No man with a pulse would resist a woman like that who wanted to get into his pants so badly. So Carmy was no exception. Let's not blame it all on his mental health and on Syd never giving him the slightest hint that she was interested in him as anything other than a business partner at that point. Let's be realistic.

Well, turns out that not taking the phone number hint was not her only NARCISISTIC red flag that showed her 0 fucks given for other people's agency. The list went on and on... The other one was the party she "invited him" to, basically manipulating him in the car to accept the invitation, etc. I will not go into all of her red flags because I'm positive that they have already been covered by all Sydcarmy truthers since S2 premiered.

What I will say is that those were not just red flags, they were narcissistic traits and in her case, since she's a caretaker and works in the healthcare industry, specializing in Emergency, plus she triangulated with Tiff to spread HER SIDE OF THE STORY after being broken up with in a really fucked up way to play the victim in a passive-aggressive fashion, typical of her kind, she could very well fit the criteria to be profiled as a Beningn Narcissist and that would make Carmy her victim, not her boyfriend.

It's important to clarify that having Narcissistic personality traits or a Narcissistic personality and having a Narcissistic personality disorder ARE NOT the same. I won't elaborate on that one either but FYI narcissistic TRAITS are present in 70% of the world population yet NPD only affects a much lower number. I don't cite references here because most narcissistic cases are sub-clinical, which means they do not show up in consult. So all the figures that authorities have are estimates.

That being said, the C person is a clear case of a sane person (no disorder can be diagnosed based on what's canon) who does show multiple traits that can effortlessly typecast her character as the Bening Narcissist type, which would definitely be a type that would feel attracted to someone with the dysfunctional psychological makeup that Carmy clearly has.

Again, I would rather stay out of that angle, what I will do now though, is go over all the red flags from a behavioral perspective to get to the point that actually concerns me, which is: Why is Clairmy doomed.

Her cluelessness about Carmy's unwillingness to remain in touch with her by giving her the wrong number is nothing but LACK OF EMPATHY.

BTW: his first response to her asking for his number was to give her the wrong one, but his second one was ALSO NO, repeatedly:

Her convenient "My cousin bailed on me." was nothing but another manipulation and ENTITLEMENT because she put him in a place where he was gonna look like an ass if he said no, so she assumed he was gonna agree to it if she played that card and she wasn't wrong. Of course, she wasn't, she must do this just about dozens of times a day, she's a fucking pro at it.

Not to mention her "little entitlement joke" as subtle as a bull in a china store:

Her childlike attitude is nothing but GRANDIOSITY in disguise:

She tries to mask everything with humor and sympathy, but her dysfunctional behavior is anything but funny and Carmy eventually noticed when he noticed she was absorbing him completely to the point where he had to choose between her and Syd the restaurant.

Had that been a healthy/functional relationship, he wouldn't have had to choose because they would have seen each other maybe once a week and talked every now and then like a normal couple that is in the early stages but she LOVED BOMBED HIM. She spent every spare minute she was not at the hospital either at his place or texting him. We don't know if Carmy stayed at some point at her place too, but that is plausible.

These narcissists only talk about themselves or work to make your story, or what you are saying, about them. There's no way I'm gonna rewatch and record the scene where he tells her that Sunday is his least favorite day of the week, but you sure know what I'm talking about. And it's extremely likely that such a sequence was very common between them. Those "talks to get to know each other better and share, etc..." always ended with HER anecdotes, where she looked like a heroine without a cape. I bet.

These benign narcissists have a superficial immaturity and often resemble teenagers, as they don't have emotional maturity, which is also why Carmy and her felt this mutual attraction since they were young. They were always a match.

He's also an emotionally immature person, but in his case is a trauma response, not a narcissistic trait. I went over his immaturity here.

But Carmy is changing. He's learning the hard way.

Bonus track: She's the predator, he is the prey.

I wanna point out how Claire displayed predatory behaviors, viewing Carmy as her prey because by overruling his consent in giving her his personal contact information and then love bombing him as I explained above she was trying to own him, not just be with him. She was trying to take over every minute of his time, which is what we saw in S2 and gladly ended like this ↓

But it could have very well ended like IRL, where the prey is completely isolated from their circle and loses friends, family, jobs, etc. Before they notice, their entire world revolves around the predator, which makes them stick by their side because is not like they have anyone else. The prey ends up with an empty life where the predator is their only company, their only "friend", their only link to any social life. As you can imagine ending and leaving those relationships is complicated and it's also usually devastating for the "prey". Carmy didn't take it that far, thanks to Cicero's intervention and because he was actually already "taken" by Syd. Otherwise, the story would have been quite different. Carmy's walk-in breakdown also helped. That trauma triggered the crisis that brought to the front of his mind all the reasons why C is not and will never be the person he should be with, not because she represents amusement and enjoyment but because she represents a mirror that will forever reflect and replicate his own dark side, the dark side he wants to break free from, for Syd and for the star he feels he owes her.

B side: How do Narcissists pick their prey? Narcissists feel attracted by people's strengths and talents because they feel their "prey" makes THEM look good. The trophy wife/husband is a typical accessory these types love to wear and collect. If we dig into C's past we will most likely find many "Carmys", possibly doctors, professors, etc. Narcissists feel attracted to those who validate their feelings and are docile so they can get their way with them. This was the test and Carmy failed, which gave her the greenlight she wanted and needed to do her thing:

Had Carmy stood his ground, she wouldn't have considered him "prey material". The second test came seconds later when she asked him to help her move her thriving mother's boxes out of nowhere. Again, she pushed and he didn't stand his ground, she advanced. And that's how she was testing him over and over in every interaction to see how far he let her go, the further, the more his prey status consolidated in her eyes. Otherwise, she would have lost interest in him pretty much immediately, and in her version of the story he would have been a piece of shit who lied to her from the get-go and that would have been the story that she would have made sure got spread around. Narcissists feel attracted to people who overlook their shortcomings and won't leave them high and dry because they want to foster a co-dependent relationship with their prey for the reasons aforementioned, and C did that in the car, at the party, etc. She was open about certain things that she did in her past, strategically breadcrumbed for him to think of her as "real and honest" but also a test to see how he reacted to them, he let them slide. He didn't see a red flag in her circle of 30-year-old kleptomaniac teenager-like friends who threw a party mid-week and played with fireworks in a backyard till someone called the police on them. Again, Carmy FAILED the test, which greenlighted her.

I won't elaborate on the following concepts because they are painfully obvious: Narcissists are attracted to people with low self-esteem and co-dependency issues, which is exactly what due to his history of abuse with Donna, that is the only abuse she knew about but it's only the first one on Carmy's record because Chef Fields came next, she knew Carmy fit these criteria. Jeremy recently said in an interview that there's a co-dependency issue between his character and Jamie Lee Curti's and of course, there's Donna’s alcoholism → Narcissists are attracted to someone who has already UNSUCCESSFULLY DEALT WITH another narcissist because that is precisely what entails the low self-esteem and co-dependency issues they need their prey to have so they can succeed in predating on them.

All of these behaviors or red flags are obviously operated from an unconscious level. C is not deliberately and consciously choosing to do any of this. She's soooo used to operating on this level that this is exactly like breathing for her. The break-up with Carmy may or may not be a wake-up call for her but no one can change personalities. Either way, IDGAF TBH.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[hearts-hunger]

the thing about tlou hbo's portrayal of joel and ellie is that it feels very much like a way to retcon their characters to make tlou2/the second season of the show seem even remotely believable.

you have to have ellie be snarky and aggressive and bitchy from the get go for it to make sense that she becomes cold and distant and hateful in the second game/season. because an innocent eager child who loves and trusts very easily is not realistically going to become a closed off loner spree killer. so you change her character and try to show that she was always angry and violent and closed off from affection and hope and kindness. she was never vulnerable and childlike. she was never obedient to adults or eager to please. she was never scared and wanting a hand to hold. she was always aloof, never cared about making people like her. she was always domineering, rude, vengeful, and mean-spirited.

you have to nerf joel's character too, because ellie can't be subject to a disciplined, stoic, consistent, trustworthy authority figure. because it makes no sense for her to be a feral little freak if she has a guardian who takes care of her, praises her efforts to please and obey him, is one hundred percent of the time a dependable and stable and competent adult. so you make him someone ellie would be weak and stupid to love, someone who is emotionally volatile, subject to intense mood swings of aggression, panic, grief, someone who is impulsive and shown from the first moment to be led by the people around him. you make joel into a needy, guts-spilling-out kind of person who parentifies this oddly girlboss child who knows better than him, fights better than him, and seems to not really need him. you make joel a crumbling mess who can’t really protect ellie because he's too busy crying or beating someone to death in a haze of the emotion that rules him. you make him into someone who isn't strong enough to be her safe place, who can't rescue her, who can't be a father to her.

the dynamic of tlou1 only works with a kind, gruff, adult who actually does know better than the eager, genuine kid who wiggles her way into the adult's heart. when it's a little girl softening the heart of a father who's forgotten how to love and hope but just needs a reminder. when it's a man who does right by this child because he knows what's in her best interest and has the strength of will to do it.

it doesn't work if it's a miserable, unwieldy adult who needs to learn some life skills from the prickly, aggressive kid who somehow gets the adult to use his emotional volatility to kill for her. when it's a match and a fuse just waiting to be lit. when it's some all-wise teenage punk and a weepy grownup with no ability to make the right decision because he's too in his own head. when the kid knows best and the adult screws it up so bad that the foolproof plan to save the world goes completely to hell.

now, tlou2 works with that dynamic — the whole narrative of the second game blames joel for his selfishness and weakness and nails ellie to the wall for her violence and coldness. joel fucked everything up because he was a blubbering, uncontrollable, panic-ridden idiot who wasn't strong enough to make the necessary sacrifice. ellie should have died on that operating table like she knew she needed to, because the world would be a better place, because the only thing she's capable of in life is revenge, hatred, betrayal, sarcasm, iciness, anger, sharpness of tongue and sharpness of blade. she is not hopeful or good or loving or trusting or open hearted. she deserved to die for everyone else, and now that she didn't, we all get to suffer and so does she. she's a shitty person who doesn't want to be better, even as a kid, and there's no changing her. too bad she missed her one chance to make a positive impact on the world because of some selfish moron who can barely function because of his emotional distress.

the problem is that the dynamic needed for the second game’s message to work is just not present in the first game. joel is a man's man, a good father, a strong person mentally and physically. ellie is a kindhearted child, one who strives to please joel and make him like her, a spunky and likeable little girl. but the creators of the first game hate that now, apparently, or look down on it as naive and unrealistic. even though they made it. and i think their solution is to retcon the first game's story with the show, and just straight up attempt to gaslight audiences into thinking that's all the first game ever was. all the things you liked about the first game? they suck and so do you. fuck you for liking them and wanting them reflected in the show. truly.

[projectjasper]

ok listen. look at me. look me in the eyes. the reason why i've repeatedly stated that NOTHING that might happen in the ofts finale would disappoint me is because i knew it would be entirely in character and whatever mess those messy characters would create, it would make sense. i am the author of the "i stand with my cancelled wife [boston]" post and that's still true. i have said before that i dislike top almost as much as i hate mew. so, why did i enjoy that finale? because it made sense.

best way i can suggest you to perceive everything that happened - since you are clearly not used to perceiving media that way - is by imagining that these are just real-life events a friend is recounting to you. this is exactly what happened. now tell me and tell me honestly: does it not all fall into place? and does your friend telling you about these things automatically mean they agree with them?

isn't top and mew hanging onto one another - while a random appearance of Some Guy instantly makes top feel like his relationship is under threat - completely in character? doesn't it make you look at your friend and go "damn, well that relationship is SO fucked"? and does it truly make you feel like your friend would disagree?

isn't boston trying to reconcile with the friend group and change for nick because he clearly needs friendship and close relationships completely understandable? doesn't it make you look at your friend and go "damn, well - regardless of how it happened - thank fuck he ended up leaving to new york alone and starting a new life, finding people who would understand him"? and does it truly make you feel like your friend would disagree?

isn't mew considering himself the judge, the jury, and the executioner and eventually not forgiving boston and consequently essentially removing him from the friend group completely realistic, considering the fact that he is highly moralistic and has ray and chueam wrapped around his little finger? doesn't it make you look at your friend and repeat "damn, thank gods boston moved on with his life"? does it truly make you feel like your friend would disagree?

isn't sand with his "yes, when i'm in love, i'm like a dog" thinking nick deserves 'better' than an open relationship completely true to his character? doesn't it make you look at your friend and go "damn, someone's projecting"? does it truly make you feel like your friend would disagree?

i can go on for-fucking-ever. throw something at me, if it doesn't make sense to you, and i will tell you why it does. because all of it does.

and i am sorry if you were expecting this series to be wrapped up in a pretty bow, ready for shipment to "everything is right and fair in the world" factory, but this was definitely not the series for that.

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hello! Fellow yanagihara hater here. Please share more of your views on a little life i beg because that book was so promising with its themes goddamn but then the writer had to fuck it up -

OH NOOOOO THE CHANCE TO BE A HATER WHATEVER WILL I DO.....

THANKS FOR ASKING.

I'm really glad to hear from someone who was also angry at the book and its author! I tend to be more bothered than usual when any form of media is popular for so-called "trauma representation", held up as a classic, etc., and then when I consume that media, I find out that the way it's written is more of a pretentious normie's view of "suffering", which, in my opinion, is disgusting. NOW. PLEASE BE REMINDED THAT I HAVE STRONG OPINIONS, AND ALSO TAKE THEM WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, AS I'M PARTICULARLY TRIGGERED BY WHAT I FEEL IS HORRIBLE TRAUMA REP. And a second grain of salt, too, since I did NOT read all of A Little Life (because I got too angry, knew exactly where it was going, and said FUCK YOU YANAGIHARA, I'm going to watch a video essay breakdown of the plot instead so I don't kill myself), and also watched behind the scenes interviews that made me hate Yanagihara even more.

If you're curious what video I watched that broke down the plot and confirmed all of my expectations on this book, it's here! I remember not agreeing with a lot of what that YouTuber said, because some things are silly to complain about in fiction and I don't believe in the whole "sexual abuse should not be shown in graphic detail", which I think was part of his discussion?? Bad memory, sorry. What I think is ugly about the book is the pile-on of RIDICULOUS amounts of trauma for Jude, to a degree that makes it a parody, almost comedically, of real trauma. From a writer's perspective, I'm furious at the way she used it and the way it succeeded at it's one job--NOT to help people understand the effects of trauma and CSA--but to make them cry. It's cheap, it's gross, and it casts all of Jude's trauma (for me) in the light of "this author was proud of herself for how much she could stuff into one boy just to make SURE you were devastated, while paying no special attention to make sure these traumas were handled with care". It's enraging to see how low the standard is for professional books that A Little Life is held up the way it is.

Now, don't get me wrong, her prose, while bogged down by excruciating and needless detail a lot of times, is very engaging. It's part of why I was so mad that it failed in the most important areas. I wanted it to be good! I really did! And I loved Jude, he would've been a wonderful character if not for her amateur decisions. Had she picked one or two traumas to focus on, created a realistic background for him, and had his death make for better impact and purpose to the plot, I'd probably have the book on my shelf as a top ten. But instead, I listened to her speak about how she did ZERO RESEARCH ON TRAUMA for Jude, apparently doesn't have trauma of her own that she's referencing (because then, no matter how much I disliked it, I would be more forgiving if she's pulling from her own experiences), and just...is so FLIPPANT about how she wrote it. Plus, in my personal opinion, I don't like her attitude in general. She comes off like a cringe edgelord for the slop she wrote, and I know so many authors who aren't even professionals that write trauma WORLDS better than she ever could.

Also, I'm so sorry, but the COVER??? What a perfect representation for the book, honestly. That old photo of the dude making an expression of pain that looks fake as fuck to me, just...eugh.

You know those gacha life cringe videos where the characters are all gory and talk about fucked up shit that happened to them, but it's extreme and ridiculous? That's what this book felt like once it dove into Jude.

When I write my own characters, I try to pick a single trauma for them and a couple coping mechanisms. It's important to me that one trauma isn't just tossed in there without regard for how much it changes someone's life, behaviors, and thought processes. Other traumas exist, of course, but they fit within the theme for what the character will represent. And I think it's important to have characters around them that will balance that trauma, a caretaker, a friend, and some sort of hope. Even if it might be true in real life that some people do have out-of-this-world experiences of trauma, there's not a lot of ways to correctly convey that in fiction without coming off as silly or over-imaginative. It quickly feels like the author is jerking themselves off in how "good" they are at making characters suffer, when for me, it's about how good they are at portraying how even a "small" trauma can affect the character deeply. I respect it more when media explores the subtle aspects of trauma, incorporating multiple side-effects instead of just one. Again, I know not everyone is as picky as I am. I'm trying to have more grace for what others think is realistic, but A Little Life is WAY over that line. Whenever I read or watch something that has overdone, overdramatic, or unrealistic depictions of trauma, it's intensely triggering, and sometimes I've become suicidal for like a whole week afterwards LMFAO, so I'm super passionate about this subject, and I think it's because I'm both a writer and a trauma survivor. Having CPTSD and watching shit like Bungou Stray Dogs get praised for "good PTSD rep" with ATSUSHI????? Straying a bit from the topic, but I lose respect for anyone who expresses that opinion.

Anyway, as a closing opinion, Yanagihara just sounds like a teen fanfic writer who crams their story full of misery and thinks she's done a great job just because there was a lot of it and people went “aww, so sad”. It just felt like trauma is a spectacle for her, not a crushing psychological experience.

I already feel misunderstood enough, as is. I already feel like my trauma has been disregarded by anybody who hasn't shared the same type of trauma. The last thing I need is confirmation that it'll continue to be misunderstood because of media depictions like A Little Life.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT, ANON! I hope I shared a lot of the same things you felt about the book!! I don't think I said everything as well as I wanted to, but I pushed the book out of my mind as much as possible after getting triggered by it, so I can't recall all of the details in full clarity. LMAO...

MUCH LOVE TO YOU!! And to leave on a positive note, I recently watched Room (with Brie Larson) and it was one of the BEST realistic representations of trauma I've seen in a LONG TIME. So that was nice!! It's in my favorites list now and I recommend it to everyone so you don't have to think about A Little Life anymore 🫵😡

[peachdues]

Hiya! For the ask game: 8, 14, 15 (😈), and 40?? Hope you’re doing well and taking time for yourself! Sending love ❤️

Hi my love!! I hope you’re doing well, too! It always makes my day to hear from you 🤍🤍

Putting my answers below the cut — (1) answers include insight into both current and completed fics (and a little tease at compass) and (2) because of potential discourse around realism in smut writing

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

For writing — I definitely prefer an ending because usually, that means I have a good idea of where the story/chapter needs to go! As a reader, I love the middle 🤍 I love making connections and trying to predict what comes next

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

LMAOO okay, so most of my emotional scenes are brainstormed in the shower — and I sort of play it out like a movie in my head. I wouldn’t say I feel what the characters feel as I’m writing, but I often base emotions/emotional reactions on real life experiences.

As for drawing on real life experiences — YES. This has a range lmao. On one hand, the entirety of Phantasmagoria is based on different aspects of my life. The emotional toll and grief and experiences of Reader losing her mom is a direct retelling of my own mother’s death. There’s a piece near the end of Part III when Reader is telling Sanemi about the night her mom died, and she describes moving her mom’s hand over her hair again and again because she knew she wouldn’t feel that ever again. I did that the night my mom died. On the other hand, all of the partying and drug abuse was directly lodged from my college experiences — my sophomore year, specifically 😂

Then, you have the other end of the real life influencing art spectrum — in Netherwood, I had the idea to make Reader lose her eye after I got something stuck in my contact 😂

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

Ooooh this is a good one! Most of the time, the smut develops around one very specific scene/image in my head. TMTS developed around Kyo eating Reader out. Compass’s first time smut scene was actually around the mental image I had of Sanemi picking her up and carrying her to her bed.

I think most people would agree that I’m very detailed — I have to rein myself in sometimes lmaooo. I’ve realized with Compass 3, I get quite detailed about Sanemi and Reader making out, so I’ve gotta trim that back aslsmndmdksan. However, I’m of the opinion that not every smut scene needs to be explicit. I think there’s something equally drool-worthy about reading only a couple of sentences that really only imply what’s going on.

I think realism is a really broad concept when writing smut. On one hand, fan fiction is a form of fantasy, and it’s meant for both readers and authors to explore things they probably won’t irl (for example: I will never fuck a werewolf). I think it can be dangerous to start applying real world expectations/morals to smut in general (and fiction as a whole), because that opens a very slippery slope to censorship. Furthermore, romance (and smut) as been a woman-dominated genre, and is a primary way women have been historically able to explore their own sexuality. It’s okay then to exaggerate a bit, in my mind, or maybe to do things that aren’t necessarily possible in real life (like, repeated rounds of sex, cockwarming, etc).

On the other hand, there is a line. No one is hitting the g-spot every single time, cervix fucking is usually very uncomfortable, AND, virginity loss does have some degree of discomfort. For example, a virgin isn’t going to know how to do everything perfectly, and that is where I try to be realistic 😂 at the end of the day, I really try to find a nice balance in smut writing!

40. RE fanart — answered here!

Ask me :)

[betterbemeta]

One of the funniest things about warhammer 40k is that so much of its worldbuilding relies on an idea of 'the human psyche, its desires, fears, drives, insecurities, triumphs, dysfunctions.'

And on one level, the grim darkness of the setting is due to IN-UNIVERSE complete misunderstanding of that thing. Like the way that religious fundamentalism, fascism, reactionary politics, mistake the structures that enfranchise wealth and power for natural law. And then mistake observing how different classes react to living under such brutal conditions as 'human nature.'

But on another level, the misunderstanding ALSO comes from OUTSIDE the fictional universe. Like, OKAY, I'm not some kind of all-knowing superbrain that knows exactly how all people think and why. But even I can see that:

the archetypes baked into the Chaos Forces,

the paranoia of the Imperium,

the genres of power fantasies represented by different space marine chapters,

the repression of the Aeldari,

Drukhari hyperviolence,

etc. etc.

they have nothing to do with deep memes in the human psyche. They have everything to do with the projection of some specific British guys in 1987... underneath layers of collectable/toy marketing and the hangups of licensed paperback authors.

(I still don't know what the fuck is up with Bill King. Why is he like this???)

BUT, I think this element of shallow unreality actually works to Game Workshop's benefit a little because there is this... unspoken smugness that follows Warhammmer 40k around. A little self-superiority transcends what faction you prefer or if you care about books or games or the tabletop or whatever. There are two expressions and it exists in both:

you kind of know that this fictional universe's emotional core is based on silly bogus grounds. you feel better than its characters, more hinged, with a more realistic relationship with desire and self-actualization. You're on the outside looking in and it's preposterous, or,

you are a silly person who thinks the universe IS accurate to the thoughts and feelings of human people and this gives you CONFIDENCE because whatever you believe you also FEEL you are 'built different' because you ARE built differently than its model.

It's almost unbearably easy to roll your eyes and be like, how eldritch can the warp be??? if its just some thatcher era people being weird about gender and self-security???? Especially when much of the media outside tabletop battles you could 'win' styles that the universe's hazards are basically a calvinball heads-I-win-tails-you-lose situation. We're told that scary feelings and a bad relationship with self-esteem are as unconditionally deadly as machine gun fire, like 'you just explode, don't pass go, no argument, you're done.'

But to me, that frustration is also part of its charm. And part of its potential to connect to our real world despite being so goofily misfit. because every day political interests that have no true objective but making sure you stay put and perpetuate the conditions that benefit them, to your own destruction... they are gonna try to mow you down with your feelings. They ARE going to take advantage of the insecurities you feel and abstract them until they're such an unrecognizable shape that pursuing their goals is synonymous with what you think your desires are, to your eternal dissatisfaction. And not for the normal reason that desires can never be satisfied without fading away into emptiness. In real life too, powerful and stagnant structures leave futile placebo actions as the only option in dilemmas they themselves create: ones that will frustrate you and cause you to escalate your efforts that in the end reproduce those structures themselves. We have a relationship with phantasmic catnip. We're attracted to round hole square peg when our reality is difficult to reconcile and 40k is the universe of square pegs sold at ludicrous prices to ineffectively jam through the hole of your heart