#but they stop releasing newer music on it

[lokh]

tfw the band has a bandcamp but the one song ur looking for. is inexplicably. not available on their bandcamp

[justplaggin]

endless list of fascinating ding yuxi facts in no particular order

his ideal job besides acting would be museum guard bc he'd get to admire the exhibits all day for free

majored in directing at shanghai theatre academy

gets embarrassed when dubbing his own scenes

used to be a lanky little dude and thus thought dayu (big yu) would be a fitting nickname to use. now he's all buffed up and goes by xiaoding (little ding)

named his fandom haitang bc there's an animated movie called dayu haitang (big fish & begonia)

irl disney princess: animals inexplicably swarm him no matter where he goes (real)

self-proclaimed disney princess

has insane chemistry even with inanimate objects but apparently it's because he's severely nearsighted

thinks his best angle is the back of his head

had to explain slang words and exemplified by looking straight into the camera and saying *in perfect english* "you look SNATCHED in that t-shirt"

played a white cat demon

adopted a white cat and named it after his character

played another white cat demon

adopted two more cats off the street by putting down his backpack and waiting to see if they hop in or not (they did)

adopted a puppy from one of his shows when it grew too big and had to be replaced for continuity

checks fandom posts and questions for him daily and replies with puns so elaborate they require time to be deciphered, memes and/or pictures of his pets

early in his career won an acting reality show

played (among other unhinged characters) a zebra on said show

fans made throwbacks to it to celebrate his recent surge in popularity, newer fans were horrified and said they were worse than antis. he promptly went online to defend his longtime fans by saying they're 'old friends that his journey couldn't have been possible without'

recognizes fans irl and stops to chat with them

used to write down fans' usernames for live q&as

an ai cover of him singing went viral so he recorded his own cover and released it

generally does things his fans ask him to/don't even ask but he sees online and thinks they'd enjoy. even went bungee jumping bc he promised to

hyperaware of his surroundings to the extent that he's the first to catch anyone who stumbles in a 10m radius

gets shoujo vision whenever he sees a plushie and can't help petting it (well-known fact but also. caught in 4k on national tv)

pranks other actors he's traveling with by mingling in with the paparazzi and pretending he's one of them

was often spotted eating alone in restaurants, famous celebs commented saying he should tell them if he wanted to hang out, he was genuinely baffled bc he didn't see why being by himself would be such a big issue

got his driver's license at 29 and now can't stop bringing it up in every conversation

when asked to drive he said he doesn't dare go over 10kmph

his english name is ryan. who even is that. every time he's called that a fan gets a jumpscare. but! on extra cool occasions, he is very much a ryan

has his big break in a hit series every other 4 years (the real deal this time though 🙏)

likes getting new acting jobs bc it means. haircuts for free!! (he thinks spending pocket change on himself in his free time isn't a priority but bought on sight 1218 magazines featuring a co-star just to show support)

shocked veteran actors with his dedication after getting near-drunk in order to make such a scene more convincing (he's allergic to alcohol)

bawls his eyes out at wrap-up ceremonies because after months of filming he'll miss being called by his character's name all the time

whenever a series of his finishes airing, he tries to learn a new craft in order to make an art piece as a send-off gift (recent ones: clay pottery and sand art)

has a beautiful singing voice and loves ballads but never really gets to officially sing, recently bc of his newfound success he was invited to perform on a music show and during the stage he was more scared than when bungee-jumping

thinks acting is like borrowing someone's life so he wishes to help his characters live to the fullest

in the last 2 months covered the entire scale of: [no bodyguards] -> highest popularity level possible on weibo, achieved only by 3 other much more famous actors -> brand event of his supposed to be held in a mall had to be urgently moved to the nearby 60.000-seat olympic stadium because the fans kept coming; the stadium reached max capacity and the brand had to state that it wasn't a concert (🆕️)

is a cat

[aliaology]

NOW THAT WE DONT TALK

summary: jack realizes yns music is quite literally a call out, directed towards him, and his brothers egg it on. pt.3

series masterlist

“i called my mom, she said ‘that it was for the best!’ remind myself the more i gave, you’d want me less”

jack could’ve hit his head against the counter ten more times and the song would still be ringing through his ears like a splinter that wouldn’t come out of his hand.

quinns hand made contact with the back of jacks head. “knock it off, jack.”

jack groaned, shoving his head into his arms. he groaned again, this time the noise being muffled due to the his arm. “she wrote a song about me, quinn.”

quinn rolled his eyes. “you don’t know its about you” he told.

jack scoffed, head shooting up. “she literally called me out. the parties, that stupid red sea reference, even the chorus. its so obviously me. and then her newer single that dropped thirty minutes ago?’

quinn shrugged, “could be about trevor”

jack rolled his eyes, “no way in hell, quinn. they never hooked up and her newer one is about some guy hooking up with her later on—“

“you sound obsessed, jack.” quinn told. jack looked down, embarrassed.

“whats jack obsessed with?” trevor asked, walking inside the kitchen. he stole a grape from jack and popped it into his mouth.

“y/n’s song” quinn spoke.

trevor scoffed, “why are you so hung up on it? its just music.” trevor shrugged.

“hes upset because hes getting called out.”

jack groaned again, head hitting the counter.

quinn rolled his eyes again. “you’ve gotta stop doing that dude. listen— she probably made these ages ago and just now got to releasing them.”

trevor popped another grape in his mouth. “not too sure about that, but i know she started writing them when you two broke up.”

luke slowly walks in. “seriously? you guys are torturing the man talking about his ex.”

jack nods, signifying lukes words to be true.. luke goes into the cupboard to grab a plate. “just ignore it.” he shrugged.

trevor snorted. jack sent the boy a glare, causing his laughter to abruptly stop. “how can i just ignore it? shes getting big and her music is everywhere already.” he asked.

quinn gave him a look. “then face it, jack. you can’t keep putting yourself in denial for something you caused.”

jack let out an exasperated groan for the 100th time. “gee, thanks quinn. way to make me feel better.”

“dont start giving him shit, jack.” luke spoke.

jack rolled his eyes. “whatever, im going to my room.” he got up and went for the stairs.

all three boys looked around at each other. silence fell through the room. suddenly, the sliding door opens. “whats going on?” cole asked.

“quinn picked his side of the argument.” trevor spoke, slightly glaring at quinn.

quinn gave one back, “dont act innocent, trevor. you screwed her over too. you and jack need to own up to it and stop cowering like little kids. you are both in your twenties for fucks sake. grow up.”

quinn went off to his room, leaving a wide eyed group of boys behind.

jacks brows furrowed as he listened to the song in his earbuds. his girlfriend napped next to him as he sat up on the bed. he hates to admit it, but he kinda deserved this.

“lets fast forward to three hundred awkward blind dates later. if shes got blue eyes, i will surmise that you’ll probably date her. you dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor, you search in every model—“

he stopped the song, taking his earbuds out and tossing them to the floor. he cheated, and now was dating the girl he cheated with. it was sad, really.

fiona, she was a woman who loved money. jack, was a man who loved attention. maybe that’s why they were together. but she wasn’t horrible like people said, right?

quietly, he went to tik tok and made a fake account, that way she knew he didn’t stalk her profile. i mean— she has no idea he even uses it still.

jack searched fionas name up, ultimately clicking on her profile. she had one video up. he clicked on it.

ick ick ick ick

she was lip syncing that really terrible audio that went ‘he chose me, he dont want you. he chose me’ and honestly, jack was appalled.

but before he could open the comments, she started to wake up. he swiped out of the app and deleted it, tossing his phone to the side afterwards.

“hey baby.” he smiled.

now that we dont talk!

tags! @honethatty12 (if u want tags, just ask <3)

[pretending-ican-write]

Cowboy Up - Pt.4

A/n: I think there will be another part after this before the show starts and they will be getting together! I'm currently going through episode by episode and pulling out all the scenes I want to be a part of this. No promises that this won't get abandoned or take forever to write but I do have a mental endgame for it in s5!

Pairing: Ryan (Yellowstone) x Dutton!reader

WC: 871

Previous part - Next part

---

The peace of a still sleeping bunkhouse was disturbed by Rip rushing in and the loud bang of the door against the wall.  

“Lloyd, have you seen y/n?  She didn’t answer the door and the trailer’s locked,” he asked hurriedly scanning the bunkhouse, “Ryan why the fuck are you on the couch?”

Rip looked at the hand under the blankets and connected dots as Lloyd stirred from his own bunk to ask what was going on.  The foreman stormed into the other room to find exactly what he expected, y/n just waking up in Ryan’s bunk.  She rolled over and looked over up at him confused.

Y/n pulled herself up in the bed, “why are you shouting at 4 in the fuckin’ morning Rip?”

In lieu of an answer, he turned back around to where Ryan was waking up and hauled him to his feet to shove against the wall.  Suddenly everyone in the bunkhouse was awake and aware of what was going on.  They all surrounded the pair but nobody was about to get in the middle of whatever was going on, except y/n who was being kept from getting in between them by Jake.

“What the fuck is she doing in your bunk,” he growled.

Y/n shook Jake off her, “the hell Rip!  There’s no heat in the trailer and I was freezing my ass off in the barn so he insisted I come in here.  Stop being such an overprotective asshole!”

“If you even think about laying a finger on her in any capacity I’ll have them,” Rip threatened before releasing him and turned to the rest of them, “that goes for every one of you fuckers.  She’s off limits.”

He didn’t wait for an answer and headed out of the bunkhouse leaving the crew speechless.  Y/n turned to Ryan and checked that he was okay before storming after the foreman.

“What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing Rip!” She yelled at him, “you have no right to do that.”

Rip turned to glare at her, “he’s taking advantage of you.”

“Oh give me a break.  He was being a gentlemen which is more than can be said for most people in there.  I’m not a little girl that needs your protection anymore.  I can make my own decisions and I’m big enough to own my mistakes and Ryan certainly wouldn’t be one.  But I don’t think you need to worry, I’m hardly his first pick,” she finished bitterly.

Y/n went back to the bunkhouse in search of coffee, leaving Rip to wonder what on earth she had meant.

-/-/-

A few years later (like 6 months before the show starts)

After a long day of working the cattle for the spring gather, everyone from the valley was settled around the corral enjoying Gator’s cooking and each other’s company.  Y/n was sat to the side of the crowd having finished her food, just taking in the atmosphere of her favourite day of the year.  Gentle country music filled the air from a speaker Jamie had set up by the grill and some of the hands were showing kids how to rope on the dummy steer.  A smile graced her face as she watched Ryan and one of the newer hands, Colby who had become fast friends with him, helping a young girl swing the lasso above her head.

John watched his daughter from his seat next to Lee and how at peace she seemed with her life back on the ranch.  He picked up his beer and went to join her on the straw bale she’d claimed.  Y/n smiled at her father sat next to her before turning her attention back to the scene in front of her.  They sat in a comfortable silence for a little while, a significant improvement on how they’d been when she returned years ago.

“I think it’s time that we have our annual conversation,” John started, “even if nothing has changed.”

She took her eyes off the wranglers to look at her dad, “everything and nothing has changed dad.  I belong here again.  I finally feel like I’m part of it again.  But Kayce still isn’t here and I don’t see that ever changing.  I love you but you’re a stubborn man and lord knows my brother is too.”

“You set the terms but being back under the roof is where you belong,” he pushed.

Y/n allowed the silence to envelop them again as she thought through what was being put in front of her.  The sun was just beginning to set, casting a golden glow over the valley.  The wranglers had left the kids to the roping in favour of beers by the fence and Ryan winked when they made eye contact.  

“I’ll come back,” she relented, “but you don’t get a say over what I do and when I’m there.  I’m still gonna spend time at the bunkhouse because at the end of the day I’m a wrangler and those are my friends.  It took long enough for them to see me as more than just your daughter and I don’t want them to see me differently again.”

John smiled at her, “I’m just happy you’ll be truly home.”

[jikookuntold]

The Untold Truth of "Letter"

Back in 2021, 2022, or even early 2023, if someone had told me about the possibility of JK having vocal credits in Jimin's solo album, I would have called it wishful thinking at best. But it happened, and we got the song "Letter" (AKA Dear Army) as a hidden track in Jimin's first solo album, FACE, with back vocals by JK, and his name written invisibly in the album book.

The perfectly matching vocals of Jikook, with the heartfelt lyrics and soft instruments, undoubtedly made one of the most beautiful songs of the year, which could break many records for Jimin and his album if it was released in the streaming and buying services. The release of Letter as a hidden track in Jimin's solo album raised many questions and debates among Jikookers, and as someone who barely scrolls in the Tumblr app, I know I'm a bit late for the party, but I may or may not have some notes to add to the already made discussions. FYI, these are my analytic views and speculations, I am fully aware that this song has been named "Dear Army", and Jimin called it a "Fan song" on different occasions. So, I do not intend to ignore that and diminish Jimin's expression of love for his fans.

What's a Hidden Track?

Before getting into "Letter", we need to understand what a hidden track is. Well, the definition is pretty clear; When a song is not listed in the official track-list of a music album, but it exists in (some versions of) the physical printed CD, cassette, or LP, it's called a "hidden track". 

Hidden Tracks of BTS

There are several techniques and reasons to "hide" a track in an album, but in the case of BTS discography, the hidden tracks exist for a specific reason, and I'm going to explain it with the only examples we have. The debut album (2013) and Love Yourself: Her (2017), are the only BTS albums including hidden tracks, and if we ignore the skits in each album, "Path" and "Sea" are the only hidden songs BTS ever released. So, these two songs must have something(s) in common and different from the other BTS tracks that caused them to end up as a hidden track. To find that common factor, we need to check their lyrics first:

Path

[Intro: RM] Yeah, wassup? You know, time flows like stars (Check it, check, check, check, check it out) [Verse 1: RM] I started from imitating Eminem, Garion, Epik High To writing my own raps Now I see that I’m already at Hongdae My lyrics back then were all (****) Bossy But we dunno, we dunno When I dreamed without anyone to stop me Reality tied me down and trapped me inside Oh, my youth trapped me My hot heart lost to my cold mind (Damn) As I blindly told myself my decision was right I don’t know whether it’s an angel or a devil, but it says to me "Do you really have any plans to rap properly?" (Yes or no?) I didn’t have more time to hesitate and didn’t want to be stupid So I came here and three years passed by Some say art is long, life is short But for now, art is life Life is sports, just do it, uh [Chorus] If I had chosen a different path, would have I been any different? If I stopped and looked back (Oh hey ya, hey ya) What will I see at the end of this road? Where you should’ve been standing? (Oh hey ya, hey ya) [Verse 2: Suga, Suga & Jungkook] A long time passed and by 2013, I was a trainee for three years I was a high school student who grew overnight (I became a child) White hair grew from my desires and one by one my many friends (Parted ways with me) I spent my time in Seoul alone without a family (That was my third spring) I thought my worries would disappear with my debut ahead of me I closed my eyes to the present that had nothing to change But the reality was different, even as my family and friends tried to stop me I walked into the tunnels that shed no light on my own I thought I would be alone (Why?) As it turns out, there weren’t seven bare feet but we were wearing the shoe named Bangtan We’ll have to go forward, take one more step, become newer And that’s how I spent my fourth spring in Seoul (Whoa) [Chorus] If I had chosen a different path, would have I been any different? (Hey) If I stopped and looked back (Hey) Oh hey ya, hey ya What will I see at the end of this road? Where you should’ve been standing? (Oh hey ya, hey ya) [Verse 3: J-Hope] 2010, the year I walked towards Seoul! I just loved to dance, and now I’m standing on top of the stage Until then, I overcame many pains and scars to prepare myself I survived with my belief to bend, not break, and ran for three years Let the stars inside my heart shine! Now shine on me differently Write “Bangtan” on the paper world I walk my future with more lights on Give a smile to that far future (Ha, ha)

As you can see, the lyrics are simple and self-explanatory, so I guess we don't need any lyrics analysis, and the description section of the Genius translation I used here, says it all:

“길 (Road/Path) follows the member’s decisions to become idols in the Korean music industry. They recall their different upbringings from listening to hip hop in school to the hard years of being trainees under BigHit Entertainment. BTS pose the questions of how their lives would be different if they made a different decision, and they ask themselves what the future entails. A very introspective track about their career for a debut album, BTS display their thought processes as they enter the music scene.”

Sea

[Intro: Jungkook] Oh, ah, yeah [Verse 1: Rap Monster] I just started walking and ended up at the sea I'm looking at the coast from here There's endless sand and the rough wind I'm still looking at a desert I wanted to have the sea so I swallowed you up But I'm even thirstier than before Is what I know really the ocean? Or a blue desert? [Refrain: J-Hope] I don't know, I don't know If I'm feeling the waves right now, yeah I don't know, I don't know If I'm being chased by the sand wind, yeah I don't know, I don't know Is this the sea or the desert? Is this hope or despair? Is this real or fake? Shit [Pre-Chorus: J-Hope] I know, I know, my hardship right now I know, I know, I'll overcome I know, I know, open me up It's the place I can rely on Think positive, I'm swallowing my dry spit Even if I'm nervous, even if I'm in a desert I'm in the beautiful Namib Desert [Chorus: Jimin, Jin] Where there is hope, there is always trial (4) [Hook: V, Jungkook] Where there is hope You know, you know You know, yeah yeah (2) [Verse 2: Suga] I thought this was the ocean but it's a desert A medium-sized, ordinary idol was my second name Countless people get cut from broadcast But someone's empty spot is our dream They say some of these kids can't make it cuz their agency is too small I know, I know, I know too Times when the seven of us had to sleep in one room With foolish hope that tomorrow will be different before we fell asleep We saw the mirage in the desert but we couldn't grasp it Praying that we'll remain in this desert till the end Praying that this isn't truly our reality [Verse 3: Suga] In the end, we reached the mirage and it became our reality The scary desert became the ocean with our blood, sweat and tears But why is there this fear in between the happiness? Because we know too well that this place is really a desert [Refrain 2: Suga] I don't wanna cry I don't wanna rest No, who cares if we rest a little? No no no I don't wanna lose It's always a desert I told you everything Then I'll just be more depressed [Chorus: Jungkook, V] Where there is hope, there is always trial (2) [Hook: Jimin, Jin] Where there is hope You know, you know You know, yeah yeah (2) [Bridge: Rap Monster] Ocean, desert, the world Everything, the same thing Different name I see ocean, l see desert I see the world Everything's, the same thing With a different name It's life again [Hook: V, Jungkook] Where there is hope You know you know you know yeah (2) [Chorus] Where there is hope, there is always trial

Compared to “Path”, we have more innuendos and metaphors in “Sea” because of Namjoon’s lyricism (it was supposed to be in his mixtape at first), but as the description says:

"It discusses the hardships BTS has experienced since debut, particularly struggling to compete with groups from other, larger agencies. In this song, BTS reflects on these hardships, fearing that their global fame and success could leave as suddenly as it arrived."

Common Denominator

These two lyrics have one big thing in common, and it's the topic they are discussing. They talk about the members' struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams career-wise. I was thinking maybe these issues are something they can only share with their longtime fans, not the general public, therefore, they decided to release them as hidden tracks in the physical album for their real fans who buy them, something like the difference between Weverse and Instagram, I guess? Then I realized that’s something Namjoon has mentioned himself to Billboard Magazine, in LYS: Her interview:

And if fans are so lucky to own the physical album, they’ll hear two hidden tracks at the very. Why keep them secretive?

"I think they’re hidden because you have to be a real fan of BTS to understand them. Otherwise, you won’t. Otherwise, you’d like to be, “Why are they feeling so confused about things? They’re good?!? They’re No. 1 somewhere, they have so much stuff, why are they worried?” People always talk about that. But if you are a true fan of BTS and you buy the album and you listen to the hidden track — if you are an Army and we spent time together from 2013, 2014 — they could understand. It’s kind of more special, more closer, to our true hearts"

What about "Letter"?

In conclusion, hidden tracks for BTS, are something between them and their real fans who know about the path they have wended, therefore they can open up to them through lyrics and talk about their fears and struggles and ambitions without being judged or misunderstood. Also, we have to debunk some of the misconceptions going around (especially after the release of FACE) about hidden tracks. For example, some claimed that Letter is made for fans because hidden tracks are always supposed to be “gifts” for fans. This claim obviously can’t be true when you are able to listen to a hidden track legally, only by purchasing the physical album. Gifts are supposed to be free of charge, like Promise, Still with You, Christmas Love, My You, and so on. 

Then what about “Letter”? Why this song is a hidden track in Jimin’s first solo album? Did Jimin want to say something by hiding this track in FACE? To answer this questions, we need to pay attention to the lyrics and how the song was made:

 [Verse 1] What should I say? And how should I convey it? I'm really not getting my words right I know it sounds so clichéd So that it's not taken lightly Let me say it to you properly [Chorus] I say oh-oh, I hope you can be happier You, who stretched your hand out to me whenever I fell I say oh-oh, I'll hold it now (I'll hold it) So when you feel like crying, you won’t fall [Verse 2] After all this time has passed Will we still be the same? Just like we were when we first met, hmm-mmm If we are together, even the desert could turn to a sеa Just like how we were then, oh-hoo-ooh [Chorus] I say oh-oh, I really hope that it’ll last forever You, who felt like a warm spring to me in a cold winter I say oh-oh, I'll always cherish it All those moments between you and I [Refrain] Baby, don't leave Just stay by my side, yeah To you, who see me bigger than what my little self is (to you) So that I can give as much as I’ve received (oh-oh) So that I can keep my word (oh-oh) Don't worry, just stay by my side, yeah (Yeah) We don’t know what the future holds (holds, yeah) And that’s scary and makes us afraid (oh-oh) But don’t forget that we’re always together (don't forget) [Outro] I know it sounds so clichéd So that it's not taken lightly Let me say it to you properly

The Feelings

If you compare these lyrics to "Path" and "Sea" you can clearly see the differences, and except a mention of "sea and desert" there's nothing in common between them. Letter is not a monologue about career issues, it's a romantic song. These lyrics are expressing the feelings and addresses them to an audience and appreciates them. But how was this song made?

According to Jimin, at first, SMF Pt2 was supposed to be the last track of his solo album, but in their YTC promotion and recording era when they announced that they have planned to put their group activities on rest, Jimin decided to express his feelings of the moment through a letter, and turned that letter to song lyrics. Producers liked the song so much and decided to add it in his album and that’s how “Letter” was born. Although Jimin didn’t explain much about those “feelings” and left the conclusion to us like a true artist, we all know that this song is totally different from the other tracks in his album.

All the tracks of FACE are dark and sad. Jimin’s first album is all about himself, and he talks about the painful emotions he had as an artist and a person in the past few year, but with “Letter” there is a different story. Recording Academy admitted this and wrote:

“Though the EP is technically only six songs, the physical version has an additional “hidden” track called “Letter”. The song provides an intimacy that stands out from the other FACE tracks, capturing Jimin in his best form. The lyrics are poignant and vulnerable as Jimin pleads for someone to stay (“Baby, don't leave Just stay by my side, yeah”) The biggest surprise though? Fellow BTS member Jungkook contributes vocals to harmonize with Jimin.”  

A Fan Song?

“Letter” being a “Fan Song” is a stated fact by Park Jimin himself, and there can’t be any arguments about it, but that fact doesn’t mean Jimin made this song with the thought of fans in his head and all about them. In one of my old posts, I said that a faceless crowd can’t be the muse for a romantic song, especially when that song has a "standing-out intimacy".

Another reason for calling "Letter" a fan song, is the fact that it starts at 6:13 of the album, the numbers that remind us of the debut date of BTS. We can't call this a coincidence because we know how thoughtful and punctual Jimin is. But don’t forget that 6.13 is more of BTS time than ARMY time. So, as much as you call this track a song for fans, it can be called a song for his fellow BTS members.

Why JK?

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room. Why JK was a part of this song? Did it mean something for Jimin, or did he have no other options? Jimin said that FACE is an album about himself, and he didn’t feel right about featuring other artists in it, that’s why he decided to record SMF Pt2 all alone and do all the rap parts by himself instead of featuring Yoongi in it. He collaborated with several producers and songwriters (including Namjoon), but there was no featured artist in the whole album.

About the background vocals of the album, he did most parts by himself, and for the other parts, he worked with artists who already had credits in his album, such as BLVSH, Sumin, and James Keys. But JK didn’t have anything to do with Jimin’s album. Jimin was fully capable of doing the background vocals of Letter by himself, as he did for the first parts of the song. Jimin never really explained why he decided to have JK in the song, other than saying their voices match. This known fact doesn’t give us much information, but we can have our speculations. 

Closer Than This?

Another thing that questions the idea of “Letter" being inspired by fans, is the existence of “Closer Than This”. The newest release of Jimin is the exact definition of a fan song, the lyrics are straightforward and directly address the fans and leave no place for speculation. If CTT is the result of Jimin getting inspired by his fans, then “Letter” must be inspired by something different because these two songs are not comparable. 

The difference becomes more obvious when we look at the initial version of the Letter lyrics in Jimin’s drafts. I wonder what the Grammy journalist who called the final lyrics of “Letter” intimate would have said if they read this: 

You hugged me tightly Only you who protected me Hold my hand, hold my hand tightly You who reached out my hand You held out your hand to me

We don’t know what was going on in Jimin’s mind when he wrote these, but we can see that the initial lyrics have been moderated, and the intimate parts, which clearly refer to a person, didn’t end up in the final lyrics. FYI, I’m doing a lyric analysis here, and this is not a complaint or conspiracy theory because Jimin said that he liked the way the final version came out, and it's all that matters.

For Fans, Not About Fans

So far we made it clear that "hidden tracks" are not about fans, they are for fans like any other BTS song, but the hidden tracks are a secret between the artist and the fan, something that only the true and dedicated fan can understand, and this applies to Jimin's "Letter".

Jimin gave up on many records for streaming and buying by releasing this song as a hidden track in his album. So, there must be an important message in this song that he wanted to convey to the true fans. He did his share of being thankful to fans by CTT, and I don't think he needed to do it twice in a year.

Maybe you prefer to think Jimin just made this song for ARMY and hid it in the album as a surprise or because it didn’t match with the whole concept of FACE, and you might not be wrong about any of that. But, don’t forget that he didn’t explain anything about this, and we both are just making assumtions.

Yes, maybe Jimin didn't acknowledge JK being a part of Letter in his promotion era, but JK did everything he could for his share. A few hours before the release of FACE, he started a live and played a part of it with his guitar, and months later, he watched Jimin's live performance for Festa while harmonizing with it and reminding us that he knows the lyrics very well. In Jimin's documentary he was very supportive and even teased for a live performance with him in future.

Why Just Jikook?

Jimin and Jungkook are not the only members of BTS. But I don't know why everytime Jimin or JK do something with romantic undertones, the fans (OT7 ARMYs, to be more specific) immediately try to label it as "About ARMY". I usually don't see this energy with the other five members. I'm perfectly sure they are also very grateful for ARMY, they have released several songs about them, and they would have loved to collaborate in a fan song with Jimin, too.

Then why Jimin only included JK in Letter? Why he wanted to sing for "ARMY" with him? Unless we assume Jimin's gratitude towards ARMY has connections with JK, and I don’t even want to bring up 2019 "I am army" jokes. But "Letter" is the song the most optimistic Jikookers didn't expect to exist. You may try to ignore and normalize it, but you can't deny the fact that Letter proved Jikook's unbreakable connection as two harmonic colleages, long time friends, and inseparable souls.

[yj-polycule]

No One Asked but I have over 300 kpop albums and am not above shoving my two interests together so uhhh. Batfam and what kpop groups / style of kpop they listen to:

Bruce: He’s into the classics, a true 1st Gen enjoyer. Give him that good H.O.T and BOA. He doesn’t keep up to date with the current stuff but he will go out of his way to listen to any remakes of 1st gen songs that newer groups will release (Think Candy by NCT Dream)

Kate: 2nd Gen Purist. She refuses to listen to anything modern, stating Kpop peaked in the 2nd gen and hasn’t been able to recover since. Shinee, 2ne1, Bigbang, the whole works. She loves her 2nd gen and will only listen to new releases from those groups and their solo stuff. Nothing else.

Dick: MY MANS A GIRL GROUP STAN THROUGH AND THROUGH! It does not matter the generation, the style, it does not matter, if it’s sung by Woman he is seated and ready. He probably has a soft spot for 2nd Gen / Early 3rd Gen. Definately a Reveluv.

Barbara: She isn’t all that big into Kpop as a whole but will happily take recommendations from the others. Most of her kpop playlist consists of Gfriend or Seventeen, but she will listen to anything once and adds what she enjoys. (She is also the designated Ticket getter whenever tickets drop. She has ungodly good luck with Ticketing)

Cass: She goes one of two ways, either the softest most heart wrenching ballads you can think of or the loudest, most obnoxious noise music and there is no in between. Her playlist is a disaster, easily going from IU’s Love Wins All to NCT’s Sticker and you are given 0 time to prepare.

Jason: With his whole chest will claim he listens to underground K-Rap or K-R&B and then you listen to his playlist and it’s the most bubble gum kpop you can imagine. Twice and I.O.I are 90% of his playlist this man is not fooling ANYONE!

Tim: K-Bands all the way, especially K-Rock. NFlying, Day6, Xdinary Heroes, you name it and he has probably listened to their full discography over and over again. He doesn’t really search out the groups all that often but if he had to name a favorite Group it’d probably be Dreamcatcher.

Steph: GIRL POWER GIRL GROUPS. EXID, (G)-Idle, Le Sserafim, IVE. If their concept is woman empowerment she is eating that shit up like no ones business. She has forced Tim, Cass and Duke to learn dance covers with her and she will not stop. She will be blasting Queencard over the coms during patrol don’t think she won’t. She also has a soft spot for ZB1 and will refuse to elaborate in the slightest.

Duke: Definately a 4th Gen Boy Group Stan. Man loves his Stray Kids, Ateez, Enhyphen and so on. But he also is the type of person who will hunt down the Nugu Boy Groups and support them with his whole chest, the threat of them disbanding got nothing on him. Vanner, Drippin, you name it. He also is tied with Steph in knowing the most choreographies. Those two do a mean troublemaker cover

Damian: The actual KR&B listener in the family. He loves DPR IAN and Big Naughty but will listen to R&B style releases from standard groups. He also has a soft spot for Red Velvet’s Velvet-style tracks (mostly due to exposure because of Dick).

Maps: Bright concept Boy Groups and Nugu Girl Groups. She loves fun and bright songs. Think boy groups with TWS or The Wind and Nugu Girls like Saturday or Alice. She also is the biggest fan of Orange Caramel (unaware it’s a subunit, Broke Steph’s heart with that) and had done a full on Catalena cover with Steph and Cass.

Alfred: Probably the boring and predictable answer, but man listens to Trot. We respect some good Trot in this house and Alfred is a man of taste. He is also a Lim Young Woong fan much to the dismay of the rest of his family (nothing against his music, they just hate how he dominated the charts constantly)

[uzurimisery]

chapter 3: the exposition. / coriolanus snow / nsfw

rating: explicit

wc: 8,346

warnings: MDNI, rough sex, he's still insane and possessive, oral sex, not beta read AO3 version | Series Master

As the two of you left the party, sat in the back of his car, you could cut the tension with a knife. Both of you are so high-strung with desire that a simple touch would make you snap.

“Miss Gaul, will I be taking you home?” the driver was unaware of what was happening between you.

Coriolanus decided for you. “No worries, she’ll be staying with us at the Corso.”

A thrill ran through you. The thought of spending the night with him, acting on these feelings, finding release with him, made your skin tingle. And as the car pulled up near the Snow apartment, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of anticipation. The night was still so young.

He led you up to the top floor without an inappropriate touch. Afraid that once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop, and he’d take you in the elevator. You really should commend his restraint.

Once you were inside the foyer, he caught you looking around nervously, like you were afraid of being caught. Like someone would pop out and surprise you both as he led you to his bedroom’s attached sitting room.

You were so cute. “No one’s in tonight.” He closed the door. “It’s just us now.”

You were trapped in there now with him. You could try to run, but he’d always catch you.

The space between you dissolved, replaced by a mess of sensations; the scent of your perfume fills his senses, the rise and fall of your chest against him, the warmth of your body against his. He understood Morphling addiction now. The high of touching you was addicting.

Restraint lost, he grabbed your waist and kissed you. You opened your mouth almost immediately, letting him in. Before the morning broke, he would know every curve, every contour, every inch of you. And you would know the same of him.

He went back to attacking your neck with nips and kisses. You were so sensitive there, moaning and gasping. He needed more. Needed to watch you come undone. He had wanted to take it slow, build you up and tease you, but he needed you now.

Coriolanus grabbed your ass and picked you up, wrapping your legs around him instinctively, and he carried you into his room. It was clean and organised just like his office. A mix of old money and newer trends. It was all very him. Down to the white duvet he put you on in the centre of his king size bed.

You looked so perfect there. Finally, within his reach and willing to let him touch you. Your dress had slipped too, your left breast out for display, nipples pert with arousal.

He fiddled with the front clasp of your dress that connected the two parts, undoing it and letting it fall open, fully exposing you to him. You were so perfect it drove him insane. He watched you like a hawk as you shimmied the dress off, revealing that you had no underwear on underneath. The groan that escaped him was pained. It just wasn’t fair what you did to him.

Your smile beamed, mischief in your eyes. “Aren’t you going to join me?”

Coriolanus Snow had never gotten undressed so quickly in his life before. He climbed onto the bed and settled his hips against yours. Your mouth was so inviting to him, always welcoming him in. His position above you seemed so small, like he could pick you up and use you like a toy.

He leaned back, settling onto his knees. Fuck, you were everything he imagine you to be. He shifted, taking one breast in his mouth. His tongue swirled around it before biting it. Your moan only egged him on, making him pinch and pull at your other nipple.

You squeaked when he bit down hard; the sound going straight to his cock. The noises you made were better than any music he had ever heard before. You wiggled from his actions, jolting around from the pleasure, and he could feel your pussy against him. Soo wet already. You wanted him as badly as he wanted you. To tear each other apart.

He detached from your breast with a wet pop, giving a kiss to the abused nub, before trailing them down your stomach. His tongue dipped into your navel briefly, tasting the salt on your skin. When he finally reached the top of your pussy, he breathed in deeply. If he could bottle the scent, he would.

“You don’t have to.” Were you embarrassed? Afraid that he finds you disgusting?

“I want to.”

With that, he buried his face in you, licking from your hole to your clit. He watched your every reaction, felt your every twitch. He had always been above eating a woman out, finding it pointless. Sex was a means for him to get off. He didn’t care about his partners. But he wanted you to cum on his face and make a mess.

As he circled your clit, your hands flew into his hair, grinding your face against his tongue. He pressed his tongue hard and flat against you. The friction builds you up to an orgasm. He keeps going, increasing with a fervor, the need to make you cum the only thing he could think of, his hips rutting against his bed.

Your fingers tighter in his hair, pulling as you came. Broken moans of his name filling the room. He needed you to cum again. He needed it more than you need water in the desert. The only thing that could quench his thirst is the liquids leaking out of your tight hole.

Coriolanus kept lapping at your clit, ignoring your overstimulation. He didn’t give you a break, a moment to catch your breath. One hand tugged at your waist, pulling your core closer to him while the other circled your hole, teasing the entrance. You sobbed, mixed between telling him to stop and begging him to keep going. Truth be told, he couldn’t stop.

He slipped two fingers inside you. You were so wet, a mix of your cum and his spit, that he slid in so easily. It was so hot inside you. Moving his fingers around to experiment, trying to find your g-spot. He could tell the exact moment he brushed it, feeling your pussy flutter around him. He couldn’t wait to feel that on his cock.

Slowly he began pressing against it, passing over it every time his fingers thrust into you. Your thigh clamped down around his head. Even muffled, he could hear you singing so sweetly for him. Telling him you were so close.

When you came again, he gave you a moment to breathe. He wanted tonight to go on for a while. He couldn’t have you out of commission so early in the night. Your chest heaved, breathless from two back-to-back orgasms, sweat trailing between your breasts.

He licked it up.

Your voice broke as you spoke. “I, oh god Corio.” your eyes were wild and unguarded. He could see the admiration you had for him. The desire. “I need you.”

You were normally so steady and composed.

But the burning hunger that consumed him consumed you, too. The thoughts that had plagued him and made him sick, twisted in his belly, and kept him up at night. The voices of reason in his head lost to the overwhelming desire to have you.

He reached out, fingers tracing the contours of your face, and then parting your lips. His thumb brushed over your teeth, digging in against the tip of your canines. You closed your lips around his thumb. He felt your tongue run over it before you sucked on it.

Fuck you looked so good with it your mouth. He could picture his cock in your mouth, your lips stretched around him. The sensation of hitting the back of your throat was almost palpable. Later, tonight or tomorrow, he’d have you do just that.

“Sweet girl,” he crooned, kissing your face while putting a hand against your pussy again. “You’re so needy. So filthy.”

You gasped as he slipped back inside you, scissoring you, stretching you open. His thumb toying with your clit as he spoke.

“So fucking filthy, making a mess on me. God, you don’t even know what you’ve done to me. My head is a mess because of you, always thinking about you and your pretty pussy. It made me hate you. How am I supposed to be your friend when I just want to bend you over and fuck you until you can’t walk?”

He felt you tighten against his fingers.

“I want to kill every man that looks at you. They’re always thinking of you naked and how they’d like you just like this. But they don’t get to see that. No one gets to see this but me. Do you understand?”

You were so close, stars swimming in your vision. The edge was right there when Coriolanus stopped.

“I said, do you understand? Answer the question, sweet girl.”

The words flew out of your mouth. “I understand. Please, just don’t stop. I’m so close.”

He started back up again. This time he drilled his fingers against your g-spot, a pressuring building up in your abdomen. You were going to cum, and cum hard.

“Corio,” your broken moans making him go faster. “I’m gonna cum.”

“So cum for me.”

Everything in you snapped into place when you came, vision going black. A stream of liquid pouring out of you and onto him, splashing across his front. He had made you squirt. He had wanted to ruin you for other men, but he just ruined other women for himself. If you ever tried to run, tried to leave him, he would lock you up. He’d chain you to the post of the bed, break one of your legs, make you immobile. But you’d keep so well, always wearing the best clothing and eating the best food. It was making him crazy. 

He grabbed your hair tightly, yanking your neck back for him to dig his teeth into you. He needed to hold you close, and to tear you fucking apart.

When he let go of your neck, bite marks that clearly defined his every tooth left. Marking you, displaying his ownership of you, he was drunk off it. The intensity of everything heightened. He was going to combust if he wasn’t inside you soon.

Grabbing his dick, he tapped the tip against your clit repeatedly, relishing in the way you whimpered and spasmed. He wanted to carve your pussy into a perfect mould of his cock. Alter you so permanently that he would always be a part of you.

He pushed the tip into you. You were so hot and wet, more than you had been earlier. It felt like you were melting around him. Your insides felt like the softest velvet against him. None of the finest fabrics could ever compare to it.

Your pussy fluttered around him as he pushed in down to the base. You were perfect, sucking him in.

Both of you watched the first few thrusts of his hips, mesmerised by him disappearing inside of you. You had had sex before; you were 24 and one of the most sought after bachelorettes in the Captiol, but you had never had anything like this. It felt like your body was intertwining with Coriolanus. Like he was replacing a part of yourself with him, letting you drink from his fountain.

Settling into a steady rhythm, Coriolanus shifts you both, putting your legs over his shoulders. The new angle had him brushing up against your cervix, a mix of pain and pleasure. When he leaned forward, folding you in half, your breath left your lungs. He was so deep inside you.

He moaned, continuing to thrust into you. “Such a perfect pussy. So good for me. So much better than I even imagined.”

“You’ve been thinking about me, Corio?”

You were so beautiful. Lashes wet with tears, hair sticking to your forehead from the sweat. Your big doe eyes peering up at him, looking at him with so much affection.

His thrusts slowed, becoming gentle taps rather than hard strikes.

“Yes,” he admitted, biting the inside of your thigh near his face. “I’ve been thinking about you constantly.

His words were heavy, something swimming beneath the surface, something intense. You looked down at his hands on your waist, thumbs caressing you. He had been flipping between extremes tonight. One moment he was a cannibal, ready to taste your flesh, and then the next he treated you like you were precious to him. Almost like he loved you.

“I’ve been thinking about you too,” the sacrament of penance you took, and he your witness. “I’ve been thinking about you like this. What’d it’d be like.”

You were Eve, and he was Adam, the snake and the apple, the first sin and the atonement.

If Coriolanus could purr he would, the stroking of his ego acting like a balm for his temper. Instead, he bit down on your thigh again and picked up his speed, rutting into you like the animal he felt he was. The slap of his balls against your ass is his mating call.

He felt himself getting close, months of emotion getting to him, bringing him release quicker than normal. Coupled with how tight you felt in this position, he knew he wouldn’t last long. So he took to driving into you and grabbing your face to kiss you. He needed to cum, but he also needed to feel you cum on his cock. The decision was hard to make. He didn’t want to stop pounding into you and risk losing his edge.

It’d be fine. He didn’t have to rush everything and get it all done this round. You didn’t know it yet, but he’d be taking you for many, many, many rounds.

You had expected Coriolanus to be cold and cynical when it came to sex, hating any mess that came with it. You had expected him to pull out and cum on you and force you to clean it up. But when his hips stuttered and warmth filled you, you were surprised.

“Fuck.” he thrust into you a few more times before pulling out, breathless. “Fuck.” he repeated.

It was so warm in the room. You were sweaty, a mix of both his and yours. Your head felt fuzzy from cumming so many times. Blinking hard to stay awake.

Coriolanus nudged your face, making you focus on him, before he picked you up and carried you over to his ensuite.

It screamed luxury and opulence, a show of what he had done after being heir to the Plinth fortune. The walls had mosaics in them depicting bits of ancient history. The floors were laid with polished marble times. A massive tub, carved from a single block, stood centre stage, overlooking a window with a view of the Corso with a few chairs near it. A thick rug sat at its feet, the plush pile just asking you to step on it.

In the far corner, there was a walk-in shower with a number of showerheads. The vanity was across from it, cut from the same marble as the floors. A floor-length mirror tucked next to it. You could see the entrance to his dressing room through the reflection.

He set you down on the chair near the tub and then pressed a few buttons on the wall panel and the tub filled; the water rained in from the top. The vanity had a collection of soaps and bath salts he went between before selecting some and putting them in the bottom of the tub. “It’s magnesium. It’ll help your muscles.”

You nodded, unsure what to say first to him. He was lost on what to say too, just letting the soft patter of water hitting the tub fill the silence. It was a comforting scene, a domestic moment in the backdrop of your mess of emotions.

The steam swirled in the air, fogging the mirrors as you watched him mix the salts into the water. He moved with practised ease, like this act of self care was something he gave himself often.

When the tub was full, nearly to the brim, Coriolanus turned to you, his eyes filled with a mixture of concern and care. You wouldn’t disillusion yourself into thinking that he loved you. Coriolanus Snow didn’t love people. He used them. You knew this; he knew this. The only people that didn’t were the rest of high society. Minus your mother. She liked that side of him.

She had told you all about what he did with Sejanus, how he turned on his friend of years. You didn’t quite understand why people thought they were friends; clear to you that Coriolanus wanted to harm Sejanus every time he was around. But Sejanus was rich, so he acted like he cared.

“It’s ready,” his voice was calm, rolling over you, soothing a level of anxiety.

You nodded, afraid to speak, but you wanted to show him you appreciate his efforts. So you smiled, hoping that it communicated everything that you felt while he picked you up and slid you into the tub.

He stood beside the tub. There was something on the verge of coming out, but he didn’t know what. Maybe he was going to tell you how beautiful he found you, how you’ve grown on him, how you're someone he views as a person now and not a pawn. But he was afraid of breaking the spell.

“Join me?” He nodded and got into the tub behind you, the warm water enveloping you both.

Settled between his legs, you leaned back against his chest. You closed your eyes, letting the warm waters soothe you.

Coriolanus couldn’t believe that he finally had the chance to sleep with you. He had been thinking about it for months and now he finally had. The breaking out of the role proved worth it. He had half hoped that the feeling of needing you would go away, that he could go back to how things used to be before the whole charade started. But you fit so perfectly against him. How far would the act go? Would your mother one day tell him the show was over and to leave you alone? He doubted it.

She would be more likely to let him take you for real, all to see what kind of mind a child between you would have. She’d mould you into the perfect partner for him, a perfect mother for your son. That’d be one way to keep you forever. You were attached to your familial bonds. A baby would be the epitome of that.

He felt you shift, eyes snapping to meet your own.

You had opened your eyes, meeting Coriolanus’s gaze. Tonight was a turning point. Everything between you was new, raw and red, a fresh cut, bleeding freely.

Without saying a word, you leaned in and kissed Coriolanus. His lips were soft and warm. It held him as you turned to face him, water sloshing out the sides of the tub. Your hands grabbed his face, giving you stability, as his hand found the underside of your ass.

The kiss deepened, and your bodies pressed closer together. He was hard again. His erection bobbing against your thigh.

You smirked. “Want to go another round?”

You were out of the bath and back on his bed, bouncing on his dick within minutes.

_____________

The ache between your legs woke you up, the sunlight streaming in from the massive windows of Coriolanus’ room. He was asleep beside you, one hand resting on his chest. He looked so serene, like this, so harmless. You couldn’t help but stare at him. He looked so different from the man you had first met. 

You had seen him on the Academy’s campus throughout the years, always so composed and covered. His every action was calculated and shrewd. The question of how no one else could pick up on that besides you was never answered. He was self-imposed, only ever really caring about himself and his family. 

Of course, you had witnessed everything with Lucy Gray, being in the lab when he sent the jabber-jay to your mother that condemned Sejanus to death. You had been there when your mother received him back in the Capitol and informed him he’d be studying under her. That was probably why he didn’t like you for the longest time. You were born lucky, a future laid out for you. Similarly to Sejanus, you had someone to get you out of trouble, too. You just didn’t push the envelope like Sejanus had. 

The times had changed though, and now the two of you were friends. Friends with great sexual chemistry, it seemed. But you had seen behind the mask the darkness inside him, overshadowing something else. Compassion maybe? It was hard to say. 

The question of how last night would impact things still hung in the air while he slept peacefully next to you. As much as you would have liked to keep watching him sleep, continuing your internal monologue on what made you anxious over the future, you were hungry. 

So you slipped out of the bed, grabbed his button-up shirt from last night and ventured out of the room in search of the kitchen after washing your face, thankful he had a whole skincare routine for you to use. The smell of the coffee you made was a welcomed distraction and very much needed. The silence of the penthouse was off. Your own house is filled with background noise, be it your father hosting guests, or the radio he always keeps on playing.

You couldn’t deny the attraction you had to Coriolanus. Last night was better than you had imagined. But you also knew how dangerous it was moving forward. You risked getting lost in the passion of it all and thus losing sight of the reality of the situation. Whatever growing feelings you had for him, there was no way he returned them. Coriolanus didn’t feel things for people besides contempt. 

How would the two of you go forward? Would sleeping together be a one off? A fluke? Or would it be something the two of you would do whenever you felt like it? You hoped it was the latter. You didn’t think you could get back to just getting off on thoughts of him. It was better to get off on him. 

As you sipped on your coffee, the remnants of Copriolanus’ cologne on his shirt, you decided to roll with the tide. Only time could tell what was going to happen between you now.

__________

Coriolanus normally woke up with a start. A jump into an ice bath, a shock to his senses. A habit left over from the war. He never woke slowly and gently, his senses warming up rather than being turned on blast. It made him feel disoriented.

But he was doing just that, rubbing his eyes and looking for you. The side of the bed you had fallen asleep on cold to the touch. 

A spark of paranoia lighting in him. Did you run away too? You weren’t allowed to do that. Even if you ran, your mother would hand you back to him with a smile. 

“Y/N?” he called out, getting up and putting on his boxer briefs. His shirt was missing, as was your dress.

He padded across the wooden floors, warmed by underfloor heating, going into the bathroom first. His mind was racing, searching for an explanation for your absence rather than you having run from him. The beating of his heart picking up with every moment. Looking over every corner of the room and still not finding you. 

So he went into the dressing room. Maybe you were looking for something to wear? But you weren’t there either. 

A rage built in him. How dare you run away from him, escape from his grasp, to leave without a word? Did you think you could get away with it, humiliating him like this? Frustration gnawed at him, chewing on his bones like a sick mutt with a bone. You were so stupid. Surely you knew you’d see him later today. You had a press event for the upcoming games to attend. The both of you scheduled to be interviewed by Lucky Flickerman about your work and your relationship.

“Breathe Coriolanus.” he reminded himself, focusing on finding you. What he did when he did is yet to be determined. Maybe he’d embarrass you live on TV. 

Leaving the dressing room, he moved into his sitting room. You weren’t there either. But he could smell something. Coffee, freshly made, still hanging in the air. 

There you were, sat in the kitchen on the counter staring out of the window defenceless. You were just in his button up, hanging off your shoulder. 

“You should have woken me.” you jumped, apparently too lost in your own head to hear him walk into the room. You smiled when you looked at him. 

“You looked peaceful. Didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

It was interesting you hadn’t left. It showed him you wanted to be around him, to share space with him. Your feet swung lightly as you sat there, sipping your coffee. “Do you want a cup?”

“No, I’m fine,” he replied, rigid as he stood there, eyes fixated on you.

“Suit yourself.” You shrugged. His loss, really. The coffee was wonderful. 

“I’ve been thinking about our press event later.”

“Oh yes! Tigris told me she had made something for the both of us to wear. Something about looking like a unified front.”

You were acting like everything was normal, like he hadn’t made you scream his night last night till your voice was nothing but a whisper. He was still reeling from it. Were you moving on from it entirely? Unphased by it all? 

He hummed. “I’m sure whatever it is will be fine.” Tigris was good at what she did. 

You began rambling about the press event, what you thought you should do. How you wanted to divvy up talking points. So business focused. He admired that part of you, your ability to compartmentalise and focus on the important things. But he wanted to talk about what had transpired between you, his hunger for you not satisfied. 

You, sitting there in his shirt, in his kitchen, drinking his coffee. Hair messily pulled away from your face, bare of any makeup. You were cute like this. It makes you look younger. Less like the imposing figure you really were. 

He could still feel your mouth against him as you moaned into it. He wanted to feel it again. To crash against you like the waves did. 

“Corio, are you listening?” you snapped at him, trying to get his attention. 

The question was like a hot coal in his mouth. “Did you enjoy last night?”

“I did.” you look shocked he asked, like you expected him to never mention it again, putting your coffee down out of the way. “It was good.” 

“How good?” 

“Good enough.” He didn’t like where this was going. “That I’d do it again. If you want to.” That was the answer he wanted to hear. 

He moved towards you, settling in between your legs with his hands on the counter, trapping you between his arms. The air between you two cracking with electricity. “Good.” 

“Good.” 

It wasn’t clear which one of you made the first move, but you met in the middle, drawn together like magnets. Your arms wrapped around his neck, hands once again in his hair. If you didn’t make it clear enough last night that you liked his hair, it was transparent in the morning light. 

He snuck his hands under your shirt, his shirt, and tugged you closer by the waist, deepening the kiss. His tongue danced against yours, both of you trying to find dominance in the kiss. But he didn’t play fair, and he picked up you, grinding his growing erection into your exposed pussy. The fabric of his boxers rubbing hard against your already sensitive clit. You moaned, losing the battle. 

“Take me to your room.”

______________

Tigris looked surprised when the two of you showed up at her shop together. She expected you each to arrive alone and at different times, Coriolanus had never bothered accepting the joint invitation. Your face flushed, a slight sheen to it, and he was brooding like he normally was.

But she knew not to question her cousin, afraid of his reaction and temper. She was more surprised when she took you into a dressing room and found a wealth of hickies dotting your chest and neck. 

“Well,” she spoke. “This complicates what I had in mind for you today.”

You couldn’t help but snort at that. “Trust me, I was just as shocked as you were.” It was 50/50 on how shocking it was. Coriolanus had always been possessive. These marks a manifestation of it, but it was shocking he felt possessive of you.”

“It’s fine. I made something else in case you didn’t want to wear a gown. You had said before that you were more of a pants person.” She went into the attached room to pull pieces for you to wear.

Tigris returned with a black two-piece pantsuit set. The blazer had a piece of red silk that was pinned over the right shoulder that flowed down the back, beyond the length of the blazer, and pinned to the left hip of the piece, crossing over the front. The end of it pulled through the pinning to make it hang parallel to the back part of it. 

“Tigris is incredible!” your hands itched to put it on, knowing full well you’d have to wait for the hair and makeup team to get here first.

“Thank you,” she smiled, pleased with your reaction. “I thought you might like it. Corio’s getting something similar. I think you should wear a turtleneck today, though. Given the hickies.” 

“Good idea.”

Curiosity got the best of Tigris. “Will Corio be needing one as well?”

“Yes.” 

Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. Obviously she had known you’d slept with your share of Capitol’s men, but Coriolanus? Sleeping together as you implied by that statement meant things had become more serious that she thought. Weren’t the two of you only supposed to be acting as lovers, not being them? Though she corrected herself, Corio didn’t know how to love anymore. Whatever had happened in 12 had changed him, and that scared her. She could hardly recognise the boy she raised. 

She is worried about you. Tigris knew you were strong and highly analytical. But Coriolanus was a dark man, willing to use even her to get what he wanted. His own flesh and blood. He was capable of great cruelty and she worried you’d get hurt in the end. She liked you too, considered you her friend. 

Tigris needed to speak to Coriolanus. Hair and makeup would be there in a moment, the cares having just pulled in up front, so she could let them in and then go get her cousin ready.

“That’s hair and makeup,” you noticed a shift in her demeanour. “I’ll let them in and then go get Corio ready. See you soon.” 

After she let the crew in and directed them to you, she went into the room assigned to Coriolanus. He was scrolling through a communicuff, no doubt plotting something. 

“Corio,” she began, voice low and steady, “I need to talk to you.’ 

Coriolanus looked up from the communicuff, the haunting lack of emotion in his eyes scaring her. “What is it, Tigris?” His voice was cold and detached. 

He used to be so kind, so sweet. She had seen so much good in him. But he got close to your mother, and he changed. He went to 13 still her Corio and came back as someone else. Someone cruel and manipulative, a user. 

“I’m worried,” she was fearful of his reaction, but Tigris had to try, her voice trembling slightly. “Y/N isn’t someone you can mess with. She’s not a pawn in your games.I won’t let you hurt her.” 

Hurt you? Sure, Coriolanus thought about hurting you, but it was becoming less and less. Plus, now he knew if he told you want to do, with an explanation of his reasoning and why, you’d agree. You both were the same, always playing a front and dissecting people. He didn’t know how Tigris didn’t see that about you. That you, though you avoided the violent extremes he’d taken, were sides of the same coin. 

Dr. Gaul was right every time she called you the best actor the world will ever know. 

“You think I could hurt Y/N?” 

“You’ve hurt people.”

He’s annoyed now. “Y/N Gaul, daughter of my mentor who holds my entire future in her hands. Yes, let me just ruin any respect she has for me and hurt her daughter and throw my life away.” The last time someone had hurt you, they had their fingers melted down to the bone and were “relocated” to District 11.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Do you think me stupid?” 

“No.” Tigris’ voice a whimper. 

“Then you shouldn’t know that I would never hurt her. She’s useful. Dr. Gaul has been preparing her to be my right hand when I become head gamemaker. She’s just as bad as me, you know?”

There was no arguing with him, Tigris knew this. 

“Do you love her?” So many questions from Tigris today.

Did he love you? No. Did he like you? Yes. Coriolanus was not a lover, the only thing he loved was power. But he liked you. You were just as ambitious as him, and you were smart. The near year the two of you had been working together proved that, and then the past 10 months in your “relationship” had only earned you more of his respect. You knew exactly how to meet his needs and make every interaction benefit him.

Now there was the added benefit of him being able to fuck you like he wanted. Just like you wanted to. “No, I don’t love her. I like her though. She’s a friend.” 

“A friend?”

“A friend.”

“Friends don’t do the things the two of you do Corio.” he wouldn’t know. You were his first friend. “And besides, love doesn’t have to be a weakness, it can be a strength.” 

Coriolanus laughed, a harsh sound in the room. “You’re a dreamer, Tigris,” he spoke. |An idealist unable to let go of naivety.”

She shoved his matching suit into his arms, the turtleneck on top. “I know someone has hurt you, Corio, no matter how much you deny whatever happened to you in 12, it’s clear to me.” Tigris was angry now. “But you can’t let that hurt poison your heart.” 

He smiled, taking the clothes. “Thanks for the advice.” His sarcasm cutting.

______________________

“Ladies and Gentleman welcome back to the lead up to the 16th Hunger Games!” Lucretius Flickerman knew how to get the crowd going. The small arena filled with Capitol citizens all excited to be there and watch him interview Coriolanus Snow and Y/N Gaul. “We’re a month and half away from 24 tributes joining us here in the Capitol before they go off to the arena.”

The cheers rang through the hall.

“Tonight we celebrate our gamemakers and the wonderful work that they do. Led by Dr. Gaul, the games have only gotten better and better, and she credits her protégé, the one, the only, the young Coriolanus Snow!” That was Coriolanus’ queue to come out on the stage. “You all know him and we all love him!”

Action. 

He threw his hand up, waving to the crowd and camera, smiling widely. Like he was the happiest he’s ever been to be out on the stage. He enjoyed the people screaming his name, his status above them. The frenzy of fans is a deafening crescendo. 

With a flourish, he bowed deep and dramatically, then moved to take his seat.

They set the chairs up on a raised platform in the centre of the stage. A small table between them. Lucretius’ side had one chair, while his and yours had two. Behind them was a wall of screens, no doubt for pulling up clips and design schematics from the past games pods.

 “Thank you Lucreatius,” his smile never slipping. “And thank you all for being here tonight, and to those of you watching from home. It is always such an honour to be here on this show, to share my work, and to bring you all the most thrilling Hunger Games.”

The crowd roared, the lights of flash photos being taken. He relished in their energy and their enthusiasm. 

“I must also extend my deepest gratitude to Dr. Gaul,” a sombre note always played well. “Her guidance and expertise are invaluable in crafting these games we all love.”

Dr. Gaul was in the audience, her face prideful. She didn’t care about the praise, but that people stayed interested in the games. 

“And what games they are! Every time I think they can’t get any better, they always do.” Lucretius gave time for the crowd’s cheers before speaking again. “Now your tutelage under Dr. Gaul has always gotten the attention of the Captiol. I mean, how could it not? But there’s another Gaul you’ve been spending a lot of time with.” 

Lucretius’ words hung in the air, heavy with implications. The crowd watching with bated breath, curiosity piqued. Even though the two of you had been to many high society events together, there was a large percentage of the Capitol that wasn’t high society. 

The screens behind the two switch to a collection of images of Coriolanus and you together. One outside the lab where he was escorting you out of your car. The second the two of you at another gala. He was smiling at you in this one as you were on his arm, smiling back up at him. The third was the two of you kissing on the steps of the president’s mansion. That one staged perfectly for the paparazzi. The last photo was you hidden away in the corner of a restaurant, his hand on your thigh while you kissed. This was the most provocative of them, with his hand being on your bare skin. 

Coriolanus laughed. “Now, how’d you get all these?” They both knew that those photos were handpicked. 

“A good host never reveals their sources, Mr. Snow.” Lucretius teased. “Now those looks, stolen glances, the way you touch each other, the not so public displays of affection, and not to mention the clandestine rendezvous…it’s clear there’s something special there isn’t there?” The crowd oohed.

He looked down at his shoes, trying to play bashful. “There is, yes.” he put a hand up to his face like he was trying to cover for him blushing. “She’s what keeps me going when the going gets tough. She’s my strength.” 

You were more of a distraction to him than anything else, messing up his train of thought. No matter what he was doing, his thought came back to you. But every word he spoke carefully chosen, writing the story of a devoted lover, a man utterly in love with you. And the crow lapped it up, a golden couple growing as every second passed.

“Well Mr. Snow, how about we reunite you with your lady love?” Lucretius stood throwing an arm to the side stage, motioning for you. “Ladies and gentlemen let’s welcome Miss Y/N Gaul!”

Coriolanus hadn’t seen you since you had entered Tigris’ shop. It shocked him when you walked out wearing nearly the same thing as him. Your version was slightly more opulent, the silk much longer than his own. It was an impressive display of unity and purpose. Your every step measured and graceful, your shoulders back with confidence. Your hair was interesting today, half up and half down. The back half was pin straight and shiny while they divided the top half down the middle and put into two braids that were there circled up and laid flat against your head. Your make up was the usual cat eye eyeliner and red lipstick the same shade as the silk on your blazer.

You had done the same as him when entering, raising a hand and waving. But instead of making your way to the seats you inched towards the front of the stage, bending down and touching the hands of the kids lining the front, blowing kisses at them before making your way to the stage and hugging Flickerman before sitting down next to Coriolanus and holding his hand as you sat. 

You were far better than him at working a crowd. It went against his persona to be so personal and sociable. 

“Thank you for joining us here tonight, Miss Gaul.”

“Oh please Lucretius, just call me Y/N.”

“Well, who am I to deny the woman!” He laughed, leaning forward, arms wide, before crossing his legs, an ankle on his knee. “Now, Y/N, as you just saw, we’re talking about your relationship with Mr. Snow here. Tell me, when did the two of you first notice sparks?”

You hummed. “How cheesy am I allowed to be?” The crowd laughed. 

“As cheesy as you can. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I want to know every juicy detail.”

“Well,” you started squeezing Coriolanus’ hand. “We have sort of always known each other, having gone to the Academy, but it wasn’t really until the lead up of the last games that we ever spoke.”

A hush fell over the crowd as you paused, letting the moment linger, your eyes sparkling. “They paired us to work on something, I don’t even remember what, but there was a night where everyone else had left the lab and it was just the two of us. My family car was tied up and so he offered to walk me home.”

The crowd gasped, imaginations running wild. Your smile widened. Seizing the moment, Coriolanus pulled your hand up to him, giving it a kiss before setting it down. “It was a beautiful night,” your tone dreamy. “The stars were out in full force and when we got to my family estate, we sat on the steps and talked for hours, just really getting to know each other.”

The two of you locked eyes, smiling. You were always so pretty when you lied about this, posing cutely, biting your lip like you were shy. “And that’s when I realised it.” Your voice was soft, like it was a confession only for Coriolanus to hear. “Realised that there was something special between us.” 

The crowd erupted in thunderous applause, cheers echoing in the space. Your mother looked pleased with the performance so far. Everyone loved a good love story, and this was the perfect front of one. 

“Your turn Mr. Snow.”

“I must confess, Mr. Flickerman. Ever since I laid eyes on her, it was like she was a magnet. She was also so calm and composed at the lab. Her beauty intimidated me and her mind. She’s always so eager to learn and explore new ideas.”

Everyone in the room was eating this up.

“But it was her compassion,” Corilanus continued, softening up his delivery. “That’s what truly won me over. She has a heart of gold, always going the extra mile for the people of Panem. And it was when I saw her at the university library reading to a group of children impacted by those vile rebel attacks that I fell for her.”

A murmur of agreement swept over the crowd. They knew you for being daring, independent, and breaking out of the mould of a traditional Captiol woman. There wasn’t anyone who could truly tell you what to do, except your mother, but she was hardly involved.

 But they also knew you for how kind you were to the citizens of Panem. You never had a bad word to say about anyone. At least in public. Coriolanus had now become your go to for complaining about the people that were around. 

“She’s not only a brilliant game maker,” he declared, full of pride. “She’s an exceptional human being. I am honoured to call her the love of my life.”

The volume of the crowd had to be peaking the mics of the television stream as Coriolanus stood up, grabbing you and spinning you around before placing you down with a kiss. You had practised the move a few times, ensuring that it’d be perfect for display and it was.

Your story is a tale of two brilliant minds drawn together by shared passion. But when the cameras were off, what the two of you were was messy. It felt easier to say his admiration of you like this than when you were alone. The display and act gives him an excuse to praise you.

“So, what does the future hold for you two, Mr. Snow and Miss Gaul?” Lucretius inquired mischievously. “Will we witness a grand proposal, a lavish wedding, a brood of adorable children? The possibilities are endless!”

Coriolanus had never really thought about a future with you, beyond one where he possessed you. He had never thought of one that still was this loving act you two had in public. But he could see that clearly in his mind. You, standing by his side, while taking his inauguration photos. on the steps of the presidential mansion. The third year of his term you’d have a baby, and his state of the union address would revolve on making Panem a better place for children. The baby, a boy obviously, would have your curls but his blonde hair. He’d prefer if your son had your eyes. They were better than his own.

Your little family would be the pride of Panem, and every child you had after a testament to how strong the Capitol was. There’d be a minimum of three. Two boys and a girl. He’d go as far as four, but three was the ideal number. 

He spoke before he could stop himself. “That’s the plan.” 

Lucretius’ grin widened. “Well, well, well,” anticipation dripped from his voice, “it seems we’ve just gotten the biggest scoop of the season.” 

Coriolanus Snow just made a mistake. He wasn’t meant to answer like that. He was supposed to play it off, say that you were too young to be thinking about that. That the two of you were inseparable, and it’d be something you talked about when you got there. This admission of his own personal feelings. 

That he’d be perfectly content with the act never ending and forever having you be a part of his life. To make you his co-conspirator. 

“Oh Corio…” god you were good. You drew your hands to your face, tears dotting your lash line. The perfect image of a woman hearing that her partner wants to marry her. You knew he was so off script here, so you had to assist him. 

The crowd swooned, hearts captivated by the tender exchange. It was a confirmation of your unwavering love in front of them all. 

Coriolanus was caught off by his own fumble and then your reaction. If he could pretend that for just a moment you actually felt that way, his stomach wouldn’t be turning. 

“I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that,” his confession is truthful on all fronts. “But it’s true. I can’t imagine a life without you, Y/N.” 

“I can’t picture it either.” 

How far should he take this? Dr. Gaul had an eyebrow raised, giving him no hint of what to do. You were just responding to whatever he did right now. Should he propose, here and now, on the stage in front of a crow of thousands, on broadcast for millions? It made for great press, made him look so human. A man so full of love he can’t stop himself from ruining a surprise. 

He could, in fact, he should. An engagement made his claim on you that much more real. Maybe he could even convince Dr. Gaul to tell you to marry him. Then he’d have you. Now and always.

Coriolanus dropped to a knee in front of you, taking your hands in his.

“Y/N,” the payoff if this went well was going to be so worth you being upset with him after. 

“You are the light of my life, guiding me home when the night is darkest. You inspire me to be a better game maker, and a better man. These past months have been the best of my life. You’ve shown me what love can truly be.” 

You sniffled, and he pulled out his handkerchief to wipe your tears. 

“I meant to take my time with this. I don’t even have the ring on me, but I have one. You make me rush into things.” Now that was true. He’d become incredibly rash about you. 

“So, Y/N Gaul, will you do me the incredible honour of being my wife?” 

“Yes,” your smile blinded him. He really wanted this to be your honest reaction to him proposing. That you wanted to be owned by him, and he was owned by you. “Oh, my god, yes!”

“Ladies and gentlemen, our two capitol sweethearts, the soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Snow!”

This was not how things were meant to go.

“Now let’s get Dr. Gaul up here to tell you all about the pods from the last game.”

[lonewolflupe]

I thought it would be fun to write a little bit about myself, so come over and get to know me! (As far as I know myself because I didn't come with a manual so I'm still figuring myself out..) If you have any more questions, feel absolutely free to ask them!

Expect a karkload of ramblings below the cut, this turned out so much longer than I intended I am so sorry, no one is probably going to read this but I'm just leaving this here anyway because I don't really have people to share my ramblings with

PERSONAL

My name's Julie (she/her)

Lupe is actually my OCs name, but I adopted it as a nickname here on Tumblr when I first started posting and I kinda stuck with it

Quickly approaching my 30s help

I'm from the Netherlands 🇳🇱 so my first language is Dutch

That obviously means English isn't my first language, so please excuse any errors in my writing

I am Dutch, therefore I love cheese 🧀 (like Gouda, NOT cheddar)

I am an archaeologist! I've been a history nerd all my life

I work in a museum (obviously one with a history collection)

My #1 all-time favourite animals are wolves

In RL, I am super introverted and people scare the kark out of me

I never got any diagnosises, but I'm pretty sure I'm neurodivergent

I prefer the internet over meeting people IRL, because I feel way more comfortable to be myself and ramble about the things I love online than IRL

I tend to switch between my several hyperfixations from time to time, but I really hope to stick around the Star Wars fandom for a long time <3

HOBBIES

Star Wars obviously ahahahaha what are you doing here otherwise?

Drawing, writing, photography, gaming, history, nature, collecting, listening to music

Drawing: has always been one of my favourite pastime activities. I used to draw wolves almost non-stop, until life happened I guess? I only recently picked up drawing again. Drawing humans is a struggle, but it's so much fun practicing with clones <3

Drawing: I'm currently drawing with my ergonomically irresponsible mouse in Photoshop CS6 (I've been using the same software for over 10 years now and I am too afraid to switch to something newer)

Writing: I used to write stories about wolves (shocker) but same as with drawing, life happened. Until I recently picked up writing again! I started writing fanfiction for the first time when I started posting on Tumblr around June 2024

Writing: publishing a book has been on my bucketlist for a long time but I'm not sure that's ever going to happen, so let's keep it with fanfiction for now (which I am REALLY enjoying)

Gaming: I prefer gaming on my PlayStation 3 and 4, but I occasionally play PC and Nintendo Switch games. I mostly play single-player games. Assassin's Creed got me into gaming and is still my favourite series. I also really enjoy The Witcher III, Red Dead Redemption I + II, LA Noire and Far Cry Primal. And others, obviously

Gaming: I play Pokémon GO! If you're a player as well, shoot me your friend code and I'll add you (:

Music: I'm a metalhead; metal is my favourite genre! But I also like (hard) rock and (folk) punk. My favourite metal subgenres are power metal and folk metal. But I can listen to movie/game soundtracks for weeks as well!

Music: Rammstein got me into the heavier stuff and is still an all-time favourite. I was a die-hard Volbeat fan for years, but I haven't felt drawn to their latest releases. My current favourite band is definitely Powerwolf (more wolves lol)! Other favourites are (among many others) Sabaton, Amon Amarth, Slipknot, Nightwish, Within Temptation, Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, The Real McKenzies, Heilung, Wardruna, Eluveitie, and some amazing older stuff like Alice Cooper, Pink Floyd and E.L.O.

STAR WARS

This is where the fun begins

I've been a Star Wars fan for as long as I can remember

My brother and me used to watch the OT and Ep I on VHS when we were kids and were lucky enough to see Ep II and III in cinemas

I missed watching EP I in cinemas this May (due to its 25th anniversary) because I was moving homes during that time and I am still crying about that, see you in 5 years I guess

What I like about the Prequels: everything? Obviously the clones ahahaha. But kinda everything. The setting, the plot, the characters, the tragedy. I know there's a lot of hate on the writing, but I grew up with them and I think they're awesome. Definitely not perfect, but (and please don't hate me) I would choose the Prequels over the OT anytime. Also the meme material coming from this?? Legendary.

What I like about the OT: the story and the characters! It felt less complicated back then, more about good and evil (there's a lot of grey area now, which is obviously more realistic; but as a kid growing up with the movies, good vs evil was less complicated)

What I like about the Sequels: BB-8, porgs, and the Somehow Palpatine Returns-meme, that's it. Maybe Poe Dameron, but that's probably because it's Oscar Isaac.

I also VERY MUCH like Rogue One; what a wonderful and sad story. I won't shut up about how much I love how this story blends into Ep IV/the OT; I think this was so well done, I- aaaaaaah I love it

What I like about the animated shows: CLONES. Clonesclonesclones. And Ahsoka. And a lot more, but at this time, the clone brainrot is real. I actually really like how some things are further explained in the animated shows (I think they're a real addition to the movies/story). And the angst and the tragedy, ugh my heart. Also the animation style of course! And clones, did I mention the clones?

Favourite characters (non-clones): Ahsoka Tano, Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi (prequel era), Plo Koon, Aayla Secura, probably Darth Maul too, Jyn Erso

Favourite clones: Hunter (he started it), Fives (I cannot put into words how much I love and feel for this man I just need to wrap my arms around him and tell him it's alright and that he and the clones deserve so much better and that I'm there to listen to him and it's going to be okay I'm going to make all his problems go away and also some adult stuff I'm not going to write here), Echo (my beloved), Wolffe (awooooooo), Cody (good man that Cody), Rex (obviously), Fox (you matter but please stop drinking caf and get some sleep), Vaughn (my love, my heart, my soul; I would die for you) (> I get obsessed over a different clone pretty often but it's safe to say I love all clones)

Favourite droids: R2-D2, Chopper, BB-8, Gonky, K-2SO, (also BD-1 is super cute), the droids helping out Ahsoka during Shattered/Victory and Death (R7-A7, CH-33P, RG-G1), mouse droids, (I haven't played Outlaws yet but I have normal feelings about ND-5)

Favourite animals: loth wolf (duh), tooka, massiff, varactyl, acklay

I used to collect Star Wars LEGO and Hasbro and I would love to put those on a shelf/into a cabinet one day

I would love to go to some sort of fan con one day but I'm afraid I won't survive all the stimuli/amount of people there

I did visit the Star Wars Exhibition in Brussels somewhere in the late 2000s/early 2010s; it was kriffing majestic

I used to play Star Wars Battlefront II (2005) with my brother all the time. We played it so much the disc got damaged by the PlayStation 2 itself and obviously we bought it again to keep playing

I played Jedi: Fallen Order (2019) and it was awesome! I really need to replay it so I can play Jedi: Survivor (2023) afterwards (haven't played it yet, I need to get myself a PlayStation 5 first, RIP)

Since we're talking about PlayStation 5, I'm dying to play Outlaws (2024) help (I need to know what is happening between Kay and ND-5??)

I really want to play Republic Commando (2005) (I even have a PS4 copy laying around) but haven't found the time yet

LASTLY

So one of my other hyperfixations is Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002), the 2D-animated movie by DreamWorks. (I know, I'm super weird; I'm a metalhead switching between Star Wars and an animated movie about horses (and some other hyperfixations but let's not go there).) I even created a fansite, if anyone's interested (which has still lots of WIP-pages I'm sorry I'm into Star Wars at the moment)

Alright that was a lot of super random information no one asked about. If you've come this far, holy kark my utmost respect to you, please leave a comment so I can send over some cookies because you kriffing deserved them?? I might consider writing a ficlet for you.

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[pineapplefulfillseveryneed]

Annette (the original Sparks pre-movie 2013 version)

I've been waiting for this to be released since my early days as a fan! I've not seen enough hype about it out there and I think that is because there's not been a lot of info about this to put things into context for newer fans. So let me remedy this!! (I know they've added some more info in the newsletter but I don't know if everyone gets that.)

At the end of the THOM era Sparks started teasing us about "the new album", which would be in a similar format to Bergman as it was also a full story in audio format. They were fully intent on touring it as a 3-people live theatrical performance with them + Rebecca Sjöwall performing the roles. (They would've liked to tour Bergman as a live performance as well, but logistically that wouldn't work so they were excited about this.) … And then we stopped hearing about it. Until the first news about the film came out!

I've seen people refer to this as a demo or even a mockup album (?), but let me set the record straight: what we have here is the FINISHED Sparks album for Annette! This is what would have been the new album in 2013, the original story for Annette, exactly how Sparks themselves created it (before the film collaboration with Leos Carax). For the film some things were changed, for example I think Carax said that a lot of the irony and humour wouldn't work in a film so that aspect of it was mostly taken out. AND NOW WE GET THE VERSION WITH THAT IN IT! I kid you not I had to be one the phone with a friend to yell about it for 2 hours straight, this is one of the most exciting things to happen!!! (Also, Annette being a literal singing pram? R&R remain the funniest guys alive - this is SO GOOD! I'm so hyped about the beautiful art by Galen Johnson, too! (Who also did the art for the THOM era, and was one of the directors for some music videos over the last few years.))

What we get with this release is Russell as Henry McHenry (and believe me, YOU WANT TO HEAR RUSSELL PERFORM AS AN EVIL GUY), Ron as the conductor as well as some other voices (RON ON VOCALS, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!), and the wonderful vocal performances by Rebecca Sjöwall as Ann/Annette (she was the Hollywood starlet on Bergman and she also sang on Life With The Macbeths - a highly relevant song in reference to this release we're getting, I think, "each murder the ratings soar"). I am a huge fan of the Bergman album, but I'll be very honest and say that while I love their choice of accurate voices to tell the story - the most beautiful voices out there are Ron & Russell's and that's the only thing that might have made me love the sound of The Seduction Of Ingmar Bergman more. And now we're getting that! This is them taking on the roles of the characters they wrote! I love it when they're acting, because honestly they are really really great at it!

[SPOILERS IN THIS PARAGRAPH] Russell Mael - looks like a cinnamon, can actually kill you - will be committing murders, Ron - looks like he could kill you, actual cinnamon roll - will once again not get the girl as the guy portrayed by his brother takes her away from him in more ways than one. (Fuck I still so wish I could've seen this on a stage.)

Also there will be songs we've not heard at all, there will be songs that might sound very different than what we've heard in the film, the story ends differently (and I personally really like that). …I don't know what I'm most excited about, I JUST CAN NOT WAIT. While I'll forever be curious what their stage performances would have looked like, I'll not have to remain curious about what the album and their original version of Annette would have been like. Because here it is!!! :)

I say this without slandering the film, but this version of Annette is the one that's going to hit me hardest. (I am calling my 2013 self to tell them the good news, holy hell!)

As a final note, here's something they've shared in the newsletter:

"Writing in the sleevenotes of this boxset release Ron and Russell Mael have said "...we feel that this earlier version of Annette should be listened to not as the preparatory or demo step toward a filmed version, but rather as a complete and alternative version in itself. We are very proud of it.”

[dodgebolts]

the moment that absolutely no one has been waiting for... here are the results of the dtblr survey that went out last week! Thank you to the 650 people who responded, easily eclipsing the 598 responses that were submitted in September :]

Open the read more to see the results!

Starting out, we have a newcomer to our top 8, welcome Awesamdude, who stole a spot from Quackity (20.7% -> 3.1%). Since the last survey, more people say they main all 3 Dream Team members and less people are maining their friends, most of them slipping under 10% of respondents saying they mained them save for the lovely Foolish Gamers.

Next, there was an increase in people who came for and still are here for the Dream Team—with a decrease in the proportion of respondents for nearly every other category. Dream team forever!

While most people (85%) have been around before 2022, we have a greater proportion of newer people around now! In the last survey, that number was even greater at 93%. So don't feel bad for being new, it's actually way more likely than you think, and a very warm welcome to the 5% of people who joined after the face reveal/meetup <3

Next is a question that I think is really interesting: has watching the Dream team influenced how people play Minecraft? More people now don't play as much, which tracks considering that they play Minecraft a lot less than they used to.

Now for a rather sore subject for a lot of people, since there's been quite a shift in who plays in MCC since the last time. In the last poll, 60.8% of people said they watched Dream. Now, those viewers have dispersed across creators or just stopped watching altogether, with both George and Sapnap gaining 10% from their numbers in the fall. However, 25% of people said that they don't watch anymore, a huge jump from the 4.5% in the fall. RIP MCC Dream, you're missed severely by the community <3

Next up, Trust Issues has managed to nearly catch up to some of Dream's released music, gaining 8 percentage points from the last survey. Dream if you're out there your fans want it really badly. Release it just for us?

Since the fall, we've seen the official end of the DSMP, so this is more of a legacy question, which is reflected pretty well in the statistics shifting towards people who either don't watch or are very casual about it, our lorehead population shrinking by 4 percentage points from the first survey.

These statistics haven't moved too much since the first one, the trends going pretty much as predicted with following decreasing from main -> alt -> priv (with the exception of Dream whose alt is often confused for his main) and with George and Sapnap having fewer people following them than Dream.

The statistics shift from this question is really interesting, especially given all the shit that's gone down on Twitter since the first survey. The percentage of dtblr who joined the fandom on there increased 7.7%, a gain that knocked down nearly every other platform's percentages. AO3 also makes its debut in the top 6, tying with Reddit exactly.

Much like the twitter following question, these statistics didn't shift too much, with the YouTube algorithm and word of mouth from other people/creators doing most of the heavy lifting of marketing for the Dream Team. Shoutout to the people who found out through either Heat Waves or MrBeast, you guys are on like 2 ends of a horrific spectrum y'all are strong as hell LOL

Now for some shared fandom trauma, these results also didn't change too much from the first survey. However, for this iteration I added Supernatural, as I probably should've done the first time considering this IS the SPN website after all. I managed to grab a few more people than last time out of the 'none of the above' category with its inclusion, so hi all my former and current SPN bloggers o/ <- has never seen the show before

A vast majority of us have watched gaming content in some form before, and fewer people this time have never watched gaming content before. From those who specified which games they'd watched, the titles ranged far and wide, so it's really cool to see all of us under the dtblr umbrella :)

Once again, this question showcases how lurkers truly carry the community on their backs—there's a small decrease in lurkers from last time and an increase in blogging answers, so it seems like some of our lurkers started posting which is awesome :D

Over half of us don't really watch any other MC servers, but there's still a ton of people who like watching them! From the last time I ran the survey, most of the servers—save for Empires and Karmaland—now have fewer dtblr watchers. The QSMP makes a strong debut on the board though, eclipsing half of the other options.

This was a really interesting question, though it seems like the vast majority of people either continued posting on the same blog or took a break and just jumped back into the fray! Also a late welcome to the ~15% of people who either weren't here or started posting after <3

The answers to this question showed some of the most interesting shifts from last fall's data. Fewer people seem to be listening regularly, and the proportion of people who responded no is nearly doubled from the fall's 21%.

These data points were also really interesting to see shift from the fall! Of note, fewer people like and tolerate Jackbox, and more people seem to have warmed up to FPS games—Fortnite, CS:GO, and Valorant all have fewer people in the "don't like & won't watch" category. Still, Valorant is easily the most hated game of the 6 while Geoguessr is still almost universally loved/tolerated.

As expected in the shipping category, DNF dominates any other ships, with Karlnap easily taking the second place. The proportion of Toosh enjoyers has doubled since the fall, up from 14.7%, while the number of non-shippers has halved. Additionally, the proportion of Karlnapity enjoyers has plummeted from 25.4% to less than 10%. Otherwise, most ships have stayed within 3-4 percentage points of their fall numbers!

Once again, Dream seems to have forced the hands of nearly half of us, turning non-RPF shippers into the RPF fandom we are today. Interestingly, the number of "yes" respondents has nearly doubled from the fall, while fewer people responded that they still don't ship RPF. As would make Dream happy probably, the pie chart is colored blue and green.

Now onto some of the demographic questions, we've continued to be very heavily biased towards North America and Europe, with nearly 85% of us coming from those two continents. Compared to the fall, we've gotten proportionally more South American and Oceanian rep. Hey to the Asians/Australians who are probably going to see this when it's first posted! o/

Once again, the majority of us seem to be around the same age as our streamers, with 80% of us falling between the ages of 18 and 30. Don't fret, though! From the fall, the proportion of respondents in both the <18 and >30 age brackets have increased. All in all, nothing too surprising.

The pride parade is still running from last fall, with approximately the same percentage of people identifying as LGBTQIA+ or unsure. Just in time for pride month in a day or so!

I'm not sure if I was just miscounting but I could not for the life of me get all of these little squares into a proper rectangle, so just bear with my weird organization here. Regardless, the majority of us rep the blue and green as our favorite colors, with multiple people specifying the hex code of George's minecraft shirt or a classic teal.

It's been about a month since this has been out, and we still unfortunately haven't gotten It Takes Two back. We're still in the phase 42% of people believe that we're going to stay in for a while, getting bounced back and forth between Dream and George hoping that they can get the other wrangled for it. #I_BELIEVE!

This was kind of a cruel question for most of us, but to the 11 people who answered that have met any of them, know that you're in a very select group of users. I'm jealous!

Now to answer the age-old question of the dtblr 1%, it constitutes those of you with around or over 5,000 followers, while a majority of people have less than 50 followers or just no blog at all. As with most other follower polls I've seen floating around, the responses were heavier towards the bottom, but as is the common advice/adage, follower count means very little here—just start chatting and posting!

For the final question, I thought it'd be interesting to see what dtblr's academic interests are, and also to reaffirm or break my belief that George is like a flame to the moths of CS/Engineering-focused people, which was at least initially supported by the data from the fall. We've got people from all across the diversity of academic fields, with the most people indicating that they're interested in the arts and humanities.

As for my hypothesis: among non-George mains, the proportion of CS/Engineering people is about 5.5%, whereas 18.3% of George mains indicated that they're interested in CS/Engineering. In fact, I took a closer look at all the people who noted their interest in CS/Engineering, and nearly 70% of them said that they mained George. Like I said, moths to a flame. or something. I'm right there with y'all 🫡

That's all! Thanks so much to everyone for responding and waiting for me to get through all of this data, it's always a big task but I love seeing the results. Until next time!

[undead-supernova]

It's a Delicate Need / Masterlist

Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

18+ minors DNI

plot: you've never met eddie munson before...and even if your reputation's never been worse, desire is the sound of the whiskey and you're prepared for the risk. but are you willing to let it go to waste?

Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)

Warnings: drinking, mention of weed, there's genuine smut in here so sorry for the length, mention of body shaming

wc: 6.9k

This chapter is inspired by the sound and lyrics of “Delicate” and her unreleased Lover track “Need” that I haven’t stopped thinking about since it leaked. This is one of my favorite things I've ever written and I can't believe I get to share it! Okay, have fun! (special thanks to @littlexdeaths for helping chill out my frantic screaming about writing smut)

Late April, 2024

You met him in those weird ways celebrities do. Usually, it’s an award show or some house party thrown by mutual famous friends. For you, it was the Grammy after party.

Corroded Coffin won Best Rock Album for “Fire Shroud” and Best Metal Performance for the title track. (Ozzy Osborne presented their award and you couldn’t believe how jealous you were.) 

You’d won Song of the Year for “Cradle Me”. The night was electric, one that would go down in history for you and your ever-growing career. 

Because you’d done it. You won a Grammy. 

And that was the only reason you decided to even go to the after party, really. You rode the high of your adrenaline, your tears. The squealing and stomping of victory as you basked in a kind of pride you’d never felt before. A kind of pride that you didn’t even know existed.

The room boomed with music, everyone seemingly on the same wave as you. You’d been practically shredding up the dance floor all on your own, taking time to close your eyes and feel a release for what seemed like the first time since you’d started your career. You were on top of your game, on top of the world. Nothing could derail you now. 

As a remix of Miley Cyrus’ “Flowers” came to a close, you remembered where you were. Opened your eyes to look around you as another song sounded, the bass pulsating in your ears.

And despite the noise, everyone noticed when Corroded Coffin walked in.

Even you.

Here they were, all five members decked out in lavish outfits, all five shimmying their way through the parting crowd with drinks held high in the air. If it was anyone else, they’d look obnoxious and lame. But each one of the members of Corroded Coffin acted like real people. They were in sequins, dark makeup, designer suits and dresses…and they were normal. Just laughing their way through the crowd and dancing like idiots.

And that’s when you saw him.

About an hour after their arrival, Eddie Munson snuck away from the rest of the group. He was at the bar, nursing some whiskey, a smile on his face as he chatted with the bartender. Leaning sideways against the counter with his legs crossed, just lounging as he socialized.

And maybe it kind of seemed a little stalkerish that you were watching him across the room, sipping on your third Shirley Temple—with, yes, copious amounts of vodka—but you were merely observing. 

You weren’t his biggest fan or anything, but you were still fascinated by him. By his effortless charm, the sheer effect he seemed to have on everyone. Some had called him the New It Guy, others had called him a Soon To Be Has Been. But, for the most part, he was considered the man of everyone’s dreams. 

Not only that, but he was genuinely talented. Corroded Coffin was killing it, having reached newer heights. Those Grammys they won? Yeah, they’d already received two the year prior. In the last two years, they’d collaborated with Post Malone, Joan Jett, Bring Me The Horizon, Nova Twins, Amy Lee, Poppy… The list was starting to get rather full from how desirable it was to work with them, especially smaller artists they’d been bringing into the limelight. 

Plus, they were bringing metal to new heights. Tearing down the walls of what it meant to listen to metal and defying how it was “supposed” to sound. And you could go on and on about their lyricism, the way that they wrote about more than just testosterone-driven rage. They talked about mental health, about heartache. Addiction. Loneliness and the way isolation stung. Even the intense weight of fear that comes with falling in love.

They were raw. They were real.

And you kinda wanted to talk to Eddie Munson.

He was alone, for God’s sake. Just a sitting duck by himself, clad in that outfit. The sequins on his blazer casted light over his cheek, reflecting off of the LED lights. His blazer was a deep eggplant, all velvet and cool and fitting perfectly tight against his toned muscles. There were patterns of small black roses strategically placed throughout. Not enough to be overwhelming, but enough to give the drama. 

Oh, yeah. One more thing.

No. Shirt. 

Just his lean stomach with an attention-grabbing happy trail that led to his incredibly tight leather pants. The color even matched his blazer. Combat boots. Rings adorning his fingers and some black nail polish. Layers of diamond bracelets and chains resting against the dark ink of his tattoos. A guitar pick at the center of a black velvet choker around his neck.

Yeah, you really wanted to talk to Eddie Munson.

For a second, you stared down at yourself. You had a momentary lapse in confidence, wondering if what you were wearing was acceptable for a metal lead. Because you were clad in a silk knee-length dress, blush pink. One that hugged your curves and twirled around you wherever you moved. It was Old Hollywood. It was graceful. It was you.

Fuck it.

You approached, handing the bartender your empty glass and kindly asking for a refill. When you glanced over at Eddie in your peripheral, you knew he was being respectful, looking down at his drink rather than you.

It was up to you to deliver the opening line.

“You know,” you started, catching his attention immediately. “you’d kinda look like Lord Farquad if you got a bob.”

Eddie’s eyebrows lifted, trying to stifle a chuckle. “Yeah? You think so?” You nodded and watched as he tried to tuck in the bottom half of his hair to create the illusion of a bob. “‘Run, run, run as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man!’”

You were right. He kinda looked like Lord Farquad’s taller, hotter, more glamorous brother. 

“That is perfect,” you said, slow clapping. “Brilliant.”

He laughed, moving his whisky as a subtle invite to stand next to him. “I’m glad you think so. I’m Eddie, by the way.”

You smiled, telling him your name, watching as he nodded. He was wearing some eye shadow, all deep purple and bruise-y. He seemed to have had a coat of lipgloss on that was now lining the rim of his glass, with only a slight residue remaining. It was still effortlessly beautiful. He was effortlessly beautiful.

“Yeah, I actually know who you are.”

Your eyes widened. He knew you? 

“I didn’t think it was your genre,” you said honestly.

Eddie shook his head. “Nah. Come on, give yourself a little credit. ‘Tetris’ had a bit of a rock vibe to it.”

“Yeah, true,” you agreed, rolling your eyes. That was a single from your last album, one that hadn’t even gotten much traction from audiences. “But it’s nothing like A Rush of Hellfire.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shot up again. “You heard our first album?”

Confusion flooded your features. “Well, yeah. Hasn’t everyone?”

“No one talks about it anymore,” he responded, shrugging as he scratched the top of his head. “You a fan?”

“Not, like, a diehard fan or anything, you know? It’s fun to work out to. Or scream in the car. You did that remix with Post Malone. ‘Something Real’, right?” He smiled, nodding. “Yeah, I can’t get enough of it. The original is heavenly, but you guys put a spin on it that made it transcend the meaning and give it an extra boost of emotion that didn’t even seem possible. And your added verse? I mean, it was just so raw and…” 

You stopped yourself, starting to feel embarrassed from practically fangirling about this guy’s music to his face. He may have been actively listening, or was pretending to, but you had to stop before it got to be too much.

“Anyways,” you finished. “I really like it.”

His smile grew and it was like something flutter-y-ish was rushing to your heart. What was that about? 

“I’m flattered,” he said. “Unexpected, but flattered nonetheless.”

“Why unexpected?”

“Well, I mean. Well, your music—I just assumed—”

You laughed at that. “I like way more than just pop. That’s just the music I make, you know?” He gave you another silent nod, making you feel a little self-conscious. “So, I’m guessing you’re not really into my stuff?”

“No, I really like it. I just don’t want you to think I’m a diehard fan or anything. Actually, it’s kinda funny. I saw your cover of ‘Lolita’ by…” he trailed, waving his fingers around in thought until he pointed at you with a smirk. “Lana Del Rey, that’s it. Saw it a few weeks ago. Very cool. I liked the way you changed the sound. It seemed a little sadder than the OG, even with the synth.”

You smiled. You’d done that cover in the BBC Live Lounge to make fun of the way the media portrayed you. A player on both sides, leading everyone on and leaving them high and dry. Being a temptress of some sort, always on your best misbehavior. It was a common story, something that was far from realistic. But the media circus wasn’t about reality. It was about the fantasy.

And a lot of people misinterpreted the song choice as a confirmation of your reputation. It was mortifying. And annoying. Mostly fucking annoying.

And as the bartender handed you your drink, you prayed to whatever God was out there that Eddie didn’t think the same about you.

“I did it as a joke,” you defended sheepishly. “You’ve probably heard about me, but I’m not actually like that.”

And you knew that there was no reason for you to justify yourself to him, especially someone rumored to be a player himself. Eddie was known to the public as someone who collected  groupies like a goddamn claw machine, but it was seen as something desirable. He was hailed as some kind of Metal Prince of Darkness. (Though, you’d never come into contact with anyone who’d actually been involved with him…)

So why were you nervous all of a sudden?

You studied his reaction, the way he barely had one. He just kept smiling like that, this kind of half-smile as if you were the most interesting person he’d ever met. You were sure he smiled at everyone like that.

And if it was a trick, well fuck, it was working.

“I definitely got the joke,” he said, chuckling as your eyes widened. “What, did no one else?”

You shrugged. “Not a lot of them, no.”

“Well, I guess the world is as dense as I thought.” 

You couldn’t stifle your giggle as you lifted your drink to your lips, nearly spilling it on yourself. 

And maybe Eddie thought he was being smooth, but he took a small step forward, closer than he’d been before. “Just letting you know,” he said. “as someone who is also not like that, I thought it was amazing.”

You could smell the tobacco wafting off of his jacket, mixed with something like amber or bergamot. His pinky finger was dangerously close to yours, seemingly inching forward. The closer he got, the easier it was to decode the exact shade of his eyes. Brown had been wrong. No, they were hickory. They were umber. And these hickory, umber eyes were looking at you.

It wasn’t fair in the slightest.

Something in you wanted to call him out because there was something definitely happening between you. Maybe it was a game he was playing, taking shots at your weak spots to lower your defenses. Or maybe it was genuine chemistry, luring you in with a dangerous kind of desire that you’d never felt before. 

It was something you couldn’t even explain to yourself. 

Out of seemingly nowhere, Eddie asked, “Beatles or Stones?”

You snorted. “Easy. Beatles. You clearly haven’t listened to my album.”

“Oh, I’ve heard Acacia My Dear. How could I not?” Your eyes widened. “But I thought you were sane. Guess I was wrong.” He sighed, waving you away. “This has been fun but get out of my sight.”

“Okay, wow. How does it feel to be a loser?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“How does it feel to be wrong?”

“The Stones do not have half of the amount of hits that The Beatles had. Name any Beatles album, which I bet you can’t, and I can tell you the plethora of well-known songs from each one. You can’t fight me on the factual evidence—”

“Do you wanna dance?” he asked suddenly, cutting you off.

You froze, confusion and intrigue colliding inside you. 

“Didn’t you just tell me to go away?”

“As a joke.”

“Are you going to continue to insult my preferences?”

He leaned in just a bit further. “Is that something you’d want?”

“Maybe a little,” you admitted, trying to catch your breath as he took it. “As a treat.”

“I’d be honored.”

Eddie took you to the floor like a gentleman in a ballroom, one arm pressed against his back with the other holding your hand up. As if he was wearing a luxurious tux and you were in a ballgown. As if this was something serious, something more than it should’ve been.

And, god, whatever he was doing was fucking with your head.

Because the two of you started dancing to one of the popular hits of the year, a song you hadn’t cared to listen to. But it didn’t seem to matter to either of you, going back and forth with each other as you moved through the dance floor. Eddie shimmied his shoulders and rolled his hips. You gladly followed his lead.

As the song hit its bridge, he leaned in. “By the way, I don’t know this song.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I don’t either. I’ve been religiously listening to Maisie Peters for the last year.”

He nodded before looking at you with a bit of a sheepish expression. “I don’t know who that is either, I’m afraid.”

“That’s more offensive than your Beatles comments,” you teased.

He rolled his eyes before taking your hands and spinning you around. Laughter fell from your lips easily, finding the sensation quite dizzying.

God, how was his energy so infectious?

He tried to bring you back up, to let go. But you were done for, wobbling in his arms from the dizzy spell coming over you. One of your held hands was placed against his chest, the drumming of his heart nearly matching the beat of the song.

“Woah there,” he teased.

You sighed, your grasp on his hand tightening. “Don’t blame me,” you said. “That was all you.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right.” When you were stable enough to stand properly and the room stopped spinning, he asked, “Favorite Beatles song?”

You scoffed. “Why should I tell you if you’re just going to make fun of it?”

“You wound me.”

“I have evidence. Exhibit A, five minutes ago you told me my opinion was wrong. Twice.”

“I’ll behave myself.” You raised an eyebrow. “Scout’s honor.”

You decided to answer truthfully. “It changes every day, I think.”

“So, what’s todays?” he pressed. When you gave him a quizzical look, he shook his head. “Don’t leave me hanging over here.”

Your smile returned. “Today, it’s ‘Sun King’.”

“Ah, a highly underrated track from Abbey Road. Mine’s either ‘I Want You (She’s So Heavy)’ or ‘Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?’ from the White Album.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “You know their discography and yet you disrespect them.”

He wagged a finger at you. “You’re mistaken, young maiden. I never said The Beatles were bad. I said they weren’t as good as The Rolling Stones.”

“I think I hate you,” you said without thinking. Without even knowing how he was going to take that.

But then Eddie’s small smile grew into a grin. “Oh, yeah?”

You couldn’t help but smile back. “Mhm.”

“Does that mean we’ll never speak again?”

“No,” you admitted, showing him your cards. 

Eddie smirked. “Good.”

Apparently, he was showing his, too.

Another drink and a round of bickering later, you and Eddie were promptly interrupted by a rumbling of voices calling out to you.

Well, not you.

“Ed!”

The two of you turned and watched as the rest of Corroded Coffin rushed over. Well, Ronnie was trailing behind, still in her heels. And you commended her for not running like the rest.

Eddie let out a chuckle and you watched a grin stretch across his face, lighting him up more than anything else seemingly did tonight. It was a look of love, of appreciation. Friendship.

And when he looked at you, you swore that it intensified.

God, he was something else.

“This is Grant, Gareth, Ronnie, and Jeff,” he introduced, gesturing to the group.

As if you didn’t already know.

“Nice to meet you all,” you said, giving each one a handshake and a smile.

“Jesus, you’re prettier in person,” Ronnie said, giving you a look over. “Love the dress.”

You could help but smile, especially with how beautiful she was. Ronnie Ecker. A legendary fucking female drummer standing in front of you. Her satin dress hugged her hips, a slit running up her thigh as the tips of her fingers rested against the opening. And, sure, Eddie was standing next to you, and you were extremely interested in him. But you’d be lying if you didn’t feel heat rising to your cheeks at the sight of one of the hottest women alive.

“Right back at you,” you replied, trying to stop sounding so nervous. “You’re incredible at the drums. It’s such an honor—"

“We’re heading out, actually,” Gareth said loudly, catching your attention.

“To do what? Go to bed?” Eddie asked, snorting. “Did you grind the indica by mistake?”

Grant shrugged. “We came to see if you wanted to go back and do a one-shot…” he trailed, eyes flickering over to you. “But then we saw you over here and, well…”

Jeff pointed at you. “We decided we wanted to meet you,” he said plainly.

“Yeah, exactly,” Gareth confirmed.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Oh, please. I’m really not that interesting.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Eddie said, catching your gaze. “Not to us or anyone else.”

There was something about the way he said it that made you wonder exactly what he was thinking about you. Because there was that hint of a smirk again, one that you couldn’t help but interpret as: You should see yourself the way I do in this moment.

And even though the others fell headfirst into their own tangent, you decided to lean over to Jeff. 

“A one-shot, you say?” you asked. “Like for D and D?”

A grin spread across his face. “Precisely.”

“You guys play a lot?”

Jeff nodded. “Yeah, Eddie’s, like, the best DM I’ve ever seen.”

“Better than Brennan Lee Mulligan?” you questioned.

“Close enough,” he admitted.

Eddie tapped Jeff on the shoulder. “Did someone just mention Brennan?”

“She did,” Jeff said as he patted your shoulder. “Wanna get super jealous?”

You raised an eyebrow as Eddie gave you a shit-eating grin. “I’m guest starring in his upcoming campaign.”

“Oh, fuck off!” you exclaimed. Stomping your foot, you shook your head. Your lips twisted into a smile, all jealous and playful. Because you were extremely envious, having watched D&D for years but never playing it yourself. And here Eddie was, getting the opportunity to work with one of the best DMs there were. What a cool fucking asshole.

“Well, if you ever wanted to plaaaaaay,” Gareth exaggerated, clasping his hands together and grinning. “We could always head back and get you a character sheet.”

Eddie flicked his forehead, giving him a hard stare that you couldn’t understand. “Gareth, we are not doing a one-shot tonight.” When both men’s eyes flickered over to you for a moment, you began to pick up the meaning. “So you better scram.”

And then it was its own conversation, one that started with goodbyes but led into another whirlwind of comments. You tried to follow along, tried to understand what they were even talking about in their shared campaign. There was something about a powerful wizard, another realm underneath the one you called your own. A world that seemed upside down, a world that you were glad you didn’t live in.

And as soon as it began to descend into chaos, Eddie sighed and held up his hand. “Alright, I’m cutting us off. Go to bed, you lovely dumbasses.”

“I like you,” Jeff said as the others hugged and bumped fists. Your eyes widened. “I like you a lot.”

Without a chance to ask him what he meant by that, Jeff was filing behind Grant and Gareth, all three sneaking glances back at you as they walked away.

Ronnie gave you another look over before leaning in. “Some advice? Don’t break his heart,” she said, patting your shoulder before she hustled to catch up with the others.

Shock ran through you at the sheer idea of feelings being involved between you and Eddie Munson of all people. As if he would ever actually want something like that. The idea was so absurd that you almost had to scoff.

“Did you want to keep talking?”

You turned to Eddie whose stare was becoming almost too magnetic, having to look away every few seconds. If you didn’t, the eye contact was going to send you into cardiac arrest. 

“Talking?” you asked, lifting an eyebrow. 

He played innocent, shrugging. “Well, we could always talk. We could do other things, too. If you’d like.”

“You want me to go home with you?”

“To my hotel room, maybe?” Eddie paused, clearly trying to interpret your expression and failing. “Uh, unless I’m reading this all wrong.”

“You’re not,” you said.

Without breaking eye contact, his fingers found your palm before lifting it and pressing his lips against the back of your hand. You could only hope the music would mask your sharp breath. 

“I have fewer scarlet letters than people think.” 

Another kiss. Another lodge in your throat.

“So, don’t think I’m doing this because I’m a whore.”

You could only nod. “Likewise.”

“I just…” he paused, a hint of something covering his features. “I think you’re really cool.”

“Likewise,” you concluded, disconnecting your hands before his touch could electrocute you further. “See you at the hotel.”

“How many scarlet letters do you have?” you asked Eddie.

How the hell you’d managed to be alone in the elevator was beyond you. In fact, it was a miracle on its own that the two of you were able to leave separately, arrive at the hotel without paparazzi standing out front, and casually make it to the elevator without anyone taking notice. It was a rather close call.

Or maybe it was a sign.

You nearly rolled your eyes at the thought before Eddie’s laugh brought your attention back. 

“Ah, man,” he said. “Three, the first two being in high school. What about you?”

“Four,” you said plainly. “All post high school. I wasn’t very popular back then.”

“Neither was I.”

You looked over at him, curious about what else was there.

“Really?”

Eddie snorted. “Are you kidding me? Of course not. Look at me.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”  

He shook his head. “Uh-uh. Those first two? They used me to get back at their boyfriends. Thought the local freak would, I don’t know, make them jealous?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “I was also the freak.”

“Really?” You nodded. “Could’ve fooled me.”

And there that stare was again, burning a hole in your chest that you weren’t sure how to make go away. But did you really even want it to?

No words were exchanged as you made your way down the hallway. You looked back, always alert at the potential of a camera or wandering eyes. And when you made your way inside his hotel room, thick with the scent of him, you felt the prickles on your neck that always came when you feared danger.

For some reason, you couldn’t help but look at the door, making sure it was locked. Making sure that the shadows underneath the door were passing by quickly. Muffled voices came and went, but your guard never wavered.

“You don’t have to worry about anyone seeing us,” Eddie said. You turned slowly, watching him unlace his boots. “This floor is all booked for the band. No need to risk anything. That’s probably just my guy, James. He’s a hardass, but he loves a good party.”

A small chuckle left your lips. “It’s not that I’m scared to be seen with you,” you explained. “It’s just a nasty habit.”

“I don’t blame you. Las Vegas can drive people crazy.”

You took the moment to undo your heels, finally able to let your feet breathe after a long, long night of discomfort. There was a stinging pain the moment your bare feet hit the carpet.

But you couldn’t wait, taking tentative steps towards him. Like you were assessing him, assessing the risk. Watching as he watched you, standing like you’d made a silent request that he couldn’t say no to.

“I won’t bite,” he said, hands reaching out to yours. Taking your fingertips and pulling you towards him. Like you were still on that dance floor, like he was as lost in the moment as you were. 

As you drew near, you caught a glimpse of his smudged eye shadow, the way it was starting to smear. His eyes, darker than before in the low light of the lamp, only on you.

Yeah, you weren’t thinking about consequences anymore.

“I have to be up early in the morning,” you whispered, nearly chasing his lips with yours.

He nodded. “You can leave whenever you want,” he said softly, thumb brushing your lower lip. “I do want you to know that I want to kiss you so bad it’s going to kill me.”

“Well, why didn’t you just say—”

Eddie kissed you fiercely, nearly knocking you over. 

It was like he was chasing after you. Wherever you moved, he moved. Whenever you gasped, he gasped. Your hand met the back of his neck, so his moved to yours. 

It was the kindling of a fire.

If you dared to utter it, you would call it passion. 

You slowly made your way to his neck, scratching against the choker as you went. Eddie inhaled sharply, trembling as you made your way down his chest. Desperate to feel all of it. Desperate to understand where he started and where he ended. Wondering if you’d truly be granted full access.

But it was his fingers that flipped a switch. Eddie carefully moved the tips along your jaw—gently, like he was trying to learn exactly what you felt like. And before you could register it, Eddie pulled your head to the side and latched his lips to your throat. 

There was a release of a moan, the high pitch shocking you. 

Because here you were, feeling a lightning strike against your neck, rumbling like chills down your back. Before you knew it, you were limp in his arms.

You were giving in.

Slowly, Eddie helped you out of your dress, trying to take his time. But you were a little more fast-paced, nearly ripping off your own underwear before reaching towards him. Mainly because he only had a jacket on, but you were also extremely close to losing your mind if you didn’t have him inside you in the next ten minutes.

“Now, why’re you going so fast?” Eddie asked, voice hushed in the silent room. His lips met yours again, leaning back just enough to look into your eyes. “Shouldn’t you give yourself some time to enjoy it?”

Dumbfounded. That’s the only way you could describe yourself. Eddie was standing in front of you, offering you the chance to experience not just sex, but pleasure.

“Can I?” you asked him, desperate to be told again. 

He kissed your forehead.

“Yes.”

Eddie gently lowered you to the bed, helping you scoot up to rest your head on the pillow. He paused, peering down at you as he unhooked his choker. It was the tucking of his lip into his mouth that captivated you, beckoned you to reach up to his lips.

You couldn’t remember wanting anyone else’s mouth this much.

And amongst the kissing and the harsh breaths, Eddie had his pants off, quickly kicking them aside to focus on you. You immediately clocked how he had not worn any underwear.

Fuck.

You had no time to look down at his length, instead feeling it as he rocked his hips against your mound. With lips against skin and a fever building, you hardly formed a thought as you tried to push his hand towards your pussy.

“Eddie,” you whined. “Please.”

“Whatever you want,” he murmured. “Promise.”

His fingers danced around your entrance, the calloused tips stroking your clit as he went along. Your hips bucked, but it was nothing against his grip on you. Instinctively, you moved your face to the side, wanting to hide your face in the pillow. 

“Shh, it’s alright,” he whispered, placing a small kiss to your nose. “Let yourself go.”

Before you had any time to respond, Eddie was inside you. His fingers pumped in and out, the squelching sound of your wetness filling the near silence.

Eddie wasn’t done annihilating your neck, leaving more and more marks as he went. There your sounds returned, nearly choking on your breath as you whimpered. 

It went on like this for a while, Eddie taking his time to bring you to the brink of an orgasm. Once. Twice. Unable to edge you a third time when you came uncontrollably and suddenly. You’d come down only to find his fingers on your clit again, beckoning you.

“Can you do it for me again?” he asked.

Feverish nods, hushed confirmations.

Another orgasm. Another bout of emotions that were ripping through you.

When you finally came down from your third orgasm, you knew you needed more. It wasn’t a want. It was a need. Eddie hadn’t touched himself, hadn’t given in to his own pleasure. It was all you.

All you.

“Can you, um,” you tried to start, breath still heavy. 

“What is it?” he asked.

With shaky fingers, you reached down between you, lightly stroking his cock. Eddie let out a hiss, arms struggling to hold him up. It was his turn to quiver.

“Ah,” he finally said, a nervous chuckle eliciting from him. “I, uh, would really like that.”

Without another word, he ran his tip over your clit, a groan leaving your lips before you came back to reality.

“Wait," you sighed, pausing. "What about you?” Gently, you pressed a hand against his chest. “Don’t you want me to, uh…”

You were too embarrassed to ask him point blank if he wanted his dick (cock? Big Ben? Woodpecker?) sucked. Because you knew that if you were to say it out loud, you would be a fumbling mess of Do you want me to suck your cockbenpecker? And then you’d have to leave and kill yourself out of sheer embarrassment.

But Eddie didn’t laugh at you. Instead, his lips found your shoulder. “No, I’m alright. Thank you for the offer, though.” He slowly trailed his tongue to the other side. “Rain check for that?”

You nodded. “Y-yeah, absolutely.”

He carefully slid in, eliciting strained moans from both of you. You watched his eyes widen; mouth agape as he looked at you. Took your silent nod as confirmation to rock into you. He didn’t go too quick, seemingly taking his time to feel you. 

And as he built his momentum, you couldn’t help but find yourself becoming a a mumbling mess.

His cock was filling you, completing you. Aching as though you’d been missing each other your entire lives and you were finally colliding.

He lifted your leg over his shoulder, seemingly desperate to go deeper. You felt as he shivered, like he was unable to control himself while trying to maintain the control he already had. It drove you wild, moving with him to get him to keep going. Getting as close to him as you could to keep him vibrating above you. 

It was addicting, keeping your eyes connected as you tried to give back what he was giving to you. There was a silent connection forming, one where you were desperate to make him feel the way you did. Craved the ability to make him bend at your will, a carnal desire to make him fall apart at your hands.

Eddie smiled, nearly laughing as you grabbed his ass and pushed him deeper into you. And even though you were close to cracking a smile, it was quickly taken away. He thrusted again, harder, intensifying the wave of ecstasy washing over you. You cried out, unable to hold it in anymore. 

“That’s it,” he said. “You sound so pretty, you know that?”

A fourth orgasm ripped through you at his praise, cum coating his cock as he continued to rock into you. He slowed, only for a moment, just enough to help you down before he picked you right back up again. Cradled your face in one hand, his other lightly running up and down your calf. For the first time, you weren’t thrown into overstimulation.

For the first time, you experienced true pleasure from sex.

As you continued to writhe in his arms, trembling as he left you in wave after wave of euphoria, you felt something shift in your chest. You couldn’t see it then, but there was a part of you that would want him the moment he was gone. Because when he finally came, pulling out and spilling onto your stomach, you were disappointed that he hadn’t cum inside you.

It was in the way he took his time with you, treating you like a lady, praising you with each orgasm. Instead of whatever you imagined, something fast and filthy and rough, you were… Well, you were worshiped.

It was much more than whatever a one-night stand between strangers was supposed to look like. And you’d never had a one-night stand, but you were ninety-nine percent sure it was not this. Strangely, you were very, very okay with that.

When you two were officially finished, he pulled you into his chest, your head resting above his thrumming heart. And you stayed there. Without any thought of the future, without any thought of your hotel room or your manager or the flight you had to take tomorrow. No, you were somewhere else. Somewhere lovely. Somewhere safe.

“Tell me something true,” you whispered in the dark.

“What do you mean?”

“Something you probably haven’t talked about to the press or whatever. However personal you’d like to get.”

“I have two cats,” he said. “And I’m actually considering getting a third.”

“That’s really cool,” you responded. “But I’m curious.”

“Hm?”

“How do you have cats when you’re always away from home? I’ve always wanted to adopt one, but I’m scared we’ll have separation anxiety.”

“Easy. I bring them with me.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I have special bags for them and everything. They fucking love traveling if you can believe it. Goddamn angels on airplanes.”

You couldn’t help your jealousy. It had always been a dream to have a cat. A companion, a friend to curl up next to at night. But your parents despised animals and then, well, you were suddenly never home. You wondered what it would feel like to be able to bring a piece of home with you wherever you went.

“What about you?’

You peered up at him. “Me?”

“Yeah, you,” he said with a smile. “Tell me something true.”

“It’s so stereotypical, but…” You took a deep breath, contemplating if it was okay to be so vulnerable so soon after meeting him. “I get really sad when people talk about my body.” You watched his eyebrows furrow. “I like myself, but it’s hard to be, like, not skinny and still be the artist I am as if my body determines whether I’m good enough at my job.

“Sometimes I wish I could just be a person who happens to have this body and that was that. I’m healthy…what more do people want out of me?”

Eddie’s arms tightened around your waist, fingers brushing against your tummy. “People are fucked up. Genuinely.” 

“I agree. It’s like… Either I’m too big for someone to love me but my reputation is that I’m fucking everyone within a ten mile radius at any given time. Like a fucking fuck radar.” Eddie laughed. “Like which is it? ‘Cause I clearly can’t be both and I can’t be neither.”

“You know what I say to that?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“Hm?”

He raised his fist. “Fuck ‘em.”

You gave him a fist bump, nodding. “Yeah, fuck ‘em.”

“Also, if I may add, you’re fucking beautiful.” You shook your head. “No, I’m serious. I saw you walk up to accept your award tonight, which you totally had in the bag by the way, and I couldn’t help but think, ‘Wow, she’s more stunning in person.’ And I was at one of the tables in the back.”

 “You really thought that?”

“Please, I think Jeff was getting annoyed at how much I was staring. Said Radiohead wrote ‘Creep’ about me.”

A laugh fell from your lips but you still shook your head.

“I genuinely like you for you,” he whispered, lightly lifting your chin up. “It’s something true.”

“I think…I believe you.”

“Please do.”

But when you finally fell asleep, you were thrown into something ferocious. The sky turned black, with crows and ravens circling the trees. You ran along a path, trying desperately to find shelter. In the distance, you saw Eddie, walking with some other girl. One arm behind his back, his other hand holding hers. Just like he did with you.

And then it occurred to you: Now that you’d gotten a taste of Eddie Munson, you didn’t want to share.

It was supposed to be a random hookup. Just a fleeting glance at the unusual mixture of metal and pop, leather and lace. But when you woke up to the sound of your alarm, having to get on a plane as soon as possible to do promo in Chicago, you decided to wake him up.

“Hey,” you said. “Wake up, sleepy.”

He opened his eyes slightly, taking in your already dressed appearance. “Where are you going?”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you shrugged. “Chicago. I have a podcast to go on to talk about the Grammys and bullshit about having anything written for the next album and do promo and all that.” You looked down at the white duvet, all wrinkly from the long night (with a hint of his smeared eye shadow.) “I just wanted to thank you for last night and tell you that I had fun.”

“Yeah?” You nodded. “I did, too.” 

For a moment, you were quiet. Watching as he bit his lip, noticing how you were chewing on yours. Wondered what to say. What to think. How to end an interaction you really didn’t want to end.

“Favorite Beatles song this morning?” he asked.

You tried not to smile, but you couldn’t help it as you looked up at his cheeky expression. 

“‘I’ve Just Seen A Face’.”

“Help!” he nearly shouted in a fake scared voice, clasping onto his face. 

Rolling your eyes at his antics, you said, “If I didn’t know better, you know every album they’ve ever done.”

“Maybe I’ll tell you the answer next time I see you.”

You chuckled, telling yourself that this was just something people say. Next time this. Next time that. And there’s no follow up. Just a glance here and there at events. No one calls. No one cares.

You tried to get up, but Eddie gently grabbed your hand, rubbing his fingers along your knuckles. “Actually, in all seriousness…I wouldn’t mind seeing you again sometime.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Without a word, you disconnected your hand from his and started towards the door. Started towards what was ultimately going to be a long day with endless naps and replacing the water in your body with coffee. 

And as you placed your hand on the cold doorknob, Eddie said his last words.

“I’m going to miss you.”

You glanced over at him, your armor starting to come loose. 

But it tightened as soon as the weakness was identified. Because there was no way to make any promises, no way to guarantee anything more than what this moment in time had provided. 

“I’ll see you soon, Eddie. I’ll make sure of it.”

After that, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. The way he was just so honest. Upfront. Wanting you close.

He told you he was going to miss you. He told you that he liked you for the person you were, not the person that everyone expected you to be. And he was the same, his reputation being nothing more than a façade for the lovely human being underneath.

The rest of that day, that week, you could only think of him.

Shouldn’t you give yourself some time to enjoy it? his voice echoed. 

It’s alright. 

Just let go.

Early October, 2024

His makeup smeared down his face as he held your eyes. You’d never seen him so soft, so gentle. Full of emotions reserved just for you. Desperate for the one thing he ever wanted. 

You.

And in that moment, it all froze mid-air. The laughter and gasps of the crowd. The sound of the photographers shouting his name, shouting yours. The videos and the comments that felt like sticks and stones. Ronnie’s hurling words that felt like daggers.

It dissipates as you remember the start, as you remember why you were there in the first place. Why it mattered.

“Okay,” you murmured.

Eddie's eyes widened.

“I’ll stay.”

[momma2boys]

Many thanks to @calaisreno for the prompt that got me writing the story that's been rattling around in my head for a few weeks.

John Watson has been invalided home from Vietnam and is desperately trying to keep Watson's Tri-State Trucking, the family business, solvent. As he travels across New York, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey, he notices a slender stranger. Late one night, they meet.

Prompt for May 1: Open

Everything ached. Everything from his shoulder to his big toe. The ache in his shoulder was dull and heavy. John tried stretching his neck from side to side to loosen it; experience told him it would be useless to try rotating the joint itself. The ache traveled down his arm in buzzy pulses that pierced his elbow and froze his ring and middle fingers. Lifting his hand from the steering wheel, he shook it violently before rhythmically squeezing it into a fist and releasing it.

Harder to bear was the burning pain from buttock to toe. No matter how many times he shifted his weight from one cheek to the other, the pain was constant. Ten miles outside of Binghamton his thigh began to throb. Just a little farther, he thought. Get to a truck stop or rest area, someplace populated and he’d catch forty winks. The lost time would be better than driving his rig off a bridge in desperation.

On the far side of Binghamton he pulled into a truck stop, parking well away from the other semis. After a quick trot to the head, he swallowed two aspirins with a swig from his flask and settled down in his bunk. The aptly named coffin sleeper provided just enough room to pull off his boots and shimmy out of his jeans before pulling the blanket over himself, but he didn’t care. His rig was paid for—much as he admired the newer Peterbilts with their fancy cabs that were as well-appointed as a Newark studio apartment, the 1962 Mack belonged to Watson’s Tri-State Trucking one hundred percent and only needed the occasional bit of doctoring and prayer.

Two days on the road with minimal breaks—the client in Buffalo paid a bonus for early delivery—meant John was exhausted. Despite the pain, he was asleep in minutes. His dreams were painless, pleasant, in fact. He was two-stepping ‘round the dance floor at the Bluebonnet, feet sliding on the smooth wooden floor, slow-slow, quick-quick. He swayed in sync with the music and his hips moved easily. Slow-slow, quick-quick. His partner was vague, as happens in dreams, but he didn’t care. His body felt loose, moving to the music—some cover band playing classic hits--and his partner was gracefully leading him around the floor. The hips beneath his hands were slender and their gentle motion filled him with a tingling that was the opposite of pain. Together they moved in perfect harmony like a set of well-matched horses at the county fair. Slow-slow, quick-quick. A welcome warmth surged below his waist and he pulled his partner closer. John threaded fingers through his partner’s belt loops to tug their bodies closer, allowing him to feel a bulge there, matching and meeting his own. Slow-slow, quick-quick. As he dug his hips against theirs, his partner came into focus; not a woman, but the man from the truck stop. Dark curls, sharp cheekbones, pale skin, cupid bow lips. A little closer and he could kiss that plush mouth.

Suddenly, the twangy music was overpowered by the screeching whine of artillery.

“Incoming!” John yelled as he pulled the stranger off the dance floor.

Cover, they needed cover. John scanned the bar for a table, an alcove, anywhere that might provide shelter. This was a complete clusterfuck—his head ached from the constant whine of missiles and the acrid stink of explosives. The dance floor was littered with spent shells and disembodied limbs. John pulled on the stranger’s arm, sending them both skating through the slick of blood covering the smooth wooden boards. His eyes were watering now, his nose dripping from the smoke and the smell of burning flesh. This is it—this is how he’ll go home, another body bag, another nameless number on the evening news— He is shaking, huddled on the floor with a stranger in his arms because there is no escape, unless….Unless this were a dream, if he were dreaming, he could wake up. Wake up, he willed himself, wake up, dammit…wake the fuck up, asshole!

He shut his eyes and covered his head with his arms—he owed it to Harry, to Dad, to at least try to survive—

“You’re all right,” soothed a resonant voice.

“It’s not all right,” John heard himself say, “it will never be all right…”

Cold. He was cold despite being soaked in sweat.

“Yes, I know,” the voice answered, “but you are all right.”

There was a hand on his back, firm and steadying. Whoever was with him was close enough that he could smell the coffee and peanuts on his breath. John found himself matching his own breaths to those of this nameless, faceless companion. He didn’t realise how disordered his breathing had been until it slowed into an ordered rhythm. In, two, three, out, two, three. Slow, slow, slow.

“That’s it. Breathe. Good.” The strong hand traced circles on his back in time to their respirations.

John squeezed his eyes tightly shut before opening them. The world around him came into focus. It was night—he was in his truck—the 1962 Mack that his father had paid off before he died—tangled in his blanket. Kneeling on the driver’s seat was the stranger he’d seen in Gouldsboro and Norristown and Buffalo.

“What…how’d,” John croaked, he swallowed hard and tried again, “what are you, how did you get into my truck?”

“Hanger,” the man said, “left your window rolled down enough to work it through, which makes sense given the temperature and humidity this evening, but you might want to consider a different sleeping arrangement if you are opposed to uninvited guests. An inch and half of space is an open invitation, although I wouldn’t have taken you up on it if you hadn’t been screaming your head off. I rather thought you were being attacked, but now I reckon it was just a nightmare.”

[jmdbjk]

Episode 1: The Beginning

Beyond the Star, produced by HYBE Media Studio

Opens with a flashback of Namjoon explaining their belief in the concept of how any art, any genre of art, can change the world.

This opening footage was recorded during a press conference for CONNECT, BTS.

A good explanation of what CONNECT, BTS appeared on DAZED, January 14, 2020.

It was a huge wide-ranging global art project to link visual art to music art. This is one of the installations in New York City:

Then we see scenes of them arriving at Incheon Airport in February 2020.

In February 2020, they were about to embark on the MOTS world tour. They were really pushing into the western market, especially the United States. They were headed to the States to start promoting on the talk show circuit and for magazine interviews. Western media was all over BTS. The public relations hype for their tour was huge. It was going to be HUGE. BTS was HUGE. At this point in the documentary we see english speaking fans trying to buy tickets for this tour.

This was the beginning of the year that would be their magnum opus. 

Leading the docu-series with this reminds everyone what was supposed to happen and the impact they hoped to make here in the United States, to ride the wave of their success as far as they could go until they had to stop. Keep in mind they did not have any full English songs yet. 

As far as they knew, this would be the end as we knew it, the end of Chapter 1. We all know what was to follow the MOTS tour even though no one wanted to speak about it: Enlistment. Jin would enlist December 2020 even though rumblings of a potential military exemption were beginning to buzz.

This period of time and after was when MANY MORE became fans of BTS. MOTS:7 was a record-breaking album. They were riding HIGH.

The scene of them being told the MOTS tour was cancelled is gut-wrenching. It makes me think of the content they filmed that day (March 8, 2020 a music show?)

and I wonder at what point during the day they were told. Jimin and Hobi did a Vlive:

There are scenes of MOTS cancellation day in 2020 Memories, but not THIS scene of them being told the tour was cancelled. 

Then we jump forward to scenes of the members on the beach in LA (end of 2021) recalling their feelings and thoughts about the previous (almost) two years (the pandemic), reflecting on themselves. They had to overcome frustration, and change and adapt to reality. 

Some of them were able to do that easier than the others. We know Jimin had a rough time, and it was challenging for Jin, Tae and Yoongi. Namjoon and Hobi worked on music. Yoongi wondered what was the point of even releasing music at all.

Jungkook says even though they were sad, something good came of it, they realized how much singing and dancing – performing – meant to them and how it superseded everything else.

Jimin says he and Namjoon spoke about how they needed to organize their thoughts over the years pertaining to the reasons they are doing what they do, how they feel and what they want to do, perhaps in order to help them sort through the pandemic aftermath and to serve as sort of an outline of how to proceed... it is sort of how the rest of this documentary series unfolds: the past, the present, the future.

Namjoon begins sharing thoughts of how he felt in the beginning and we flash back to 2013 debut. And the rest say their thoughts about how they began. This is a good way for newer fans to understand how they began: hearing their words as mature adults reminiscing about their roots and their start. 

We’ve heard the general story of how they began with RM first and the rap line was assembled, then the vocal line was added with Jimin being the last to make the team. Bang PD recalls how impressed he was with Namjoon and knew this was someone special. 

I’m positive there were opinions, decisions and choices made that we will never know because we weren’t there witnessing the moments. Whatever those decisions were, some probably forgotten in time or only known by a few involved in the process, however it happened, these seven individuals were settled upon and the team was created. The rest is history. 

No one had an inkling of how much they would change the idol and kpop industry from what they then knew it to be.

Preparing for debut: one of the things Jungkook says is they expected hardships back then but looking back now, if he tried to do that now, he couldn’t do it, but back then, it was a given. Yoongi said they spent every moment in the practice room when they weren’t eating or sleeping… up all night practicing, so much stress and pressure amongst seven young passionate young men trying to make a good debut.…you can see the stress and fatigue on their faces.

Through all of that they reveal how hard they worked and how deep their commitment is. They felt it was important to convey this deep personal connection to each other they developed and how strong their bond is.

The events might be repetitive for people who’ve been Army since the beginning or since before 2020, but for the benefit of newer fans, presenting their story like this in the words of each member is important. 

The author of the book Beyond the Story, Myung Seok Kang, explains how much of an underdog BTS was in the beginning. They were from a small, barely making it company and had the audacity to win Best New Artist in 2013 at the Melon Music Awards. 

Hearing them state how they felt during that debut year, their young minds trying to process what was happening, thrust into society at such a young age, seeing their friends still being students, they had to reconcile within themselves that their lives were so different.

Jungkook (our now giant global pop star) said he remembers how small he felt hearing another really good singer in his in-ears as they prepared for a performance.

Watching them struggle to come up with the melody for Danger, working on it as a team from Jungkook, to Namjoon, to Yoongi, note by note… at such a young age and then not experiencing the expected success or gains after they had done that with the previous song… they thought this would be the end for them. All they wanted was to win first place at a music show…. CAN YOU IMAGINE?? The team was wavering.

Newer fans need to be aware of this struggle.

All of this led to them writing the album, The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, the real start of their rise to stardom. They finally bagged that 1st place music show win with I Need U. The win gave them the confidence they needed to push forward and they kept winning with each song after that. Seeing their confidence grow after each win is exhilarating.

This album is the turning point in their career, the launch pad, so-to-speak.

And the song, Yet to Come (The Most Beautiful Moment in Life) is the thread connecting Chapter 1 to Chapter 2 and beyond. We will have a Most Beautiful Moment in Life 10th Anniversary in 2025. This docu-series is the bridge between what was then, now and what is … yet to come.

Review of Episode 2 next…

[ithinkyouhealedmyheart]

Donna Pritchet 🎸🎸

Lead singer and Guitarist of Orange Rust.

OR was founded in a small town in Oregon, the band was signed by Rocque Records during the boyband boom in the 90s. Rock with a female vocalist was more prominent than ever.

Her bass player Lila and drummer Myron have known her since high school. They're a tight knit trio of 30-something year olds who only want to have a good time.

Donna isn't washed out of the industry yet, and she isn't going to give up the spotlight without a fight. Rather vocal about women in the industry and always looking for collaborations with other bands or newer talent.

She's always coming up with new music. Her persona in the media is quite confident and playful, but sometimes she can't switch it off. Her personal and work life have been melded together.

Donna's had a fair share of the party life, and although she tones it down she doesn't want to stop and settle down just yet. But if someone catches her eye, she'll shoot her shot.

To those trying to find their way in the industry, she tries to protect them from everything that tries to destroy them. She like to think of herself as rhe cool older sister who still knows how to rock.

its been noted Donna Pritchett smells like leather and oranges, her signature perfume she released in the early 2000s

Speaking of oranges, her signature burnt orange leather jacket has kept up through years of wear and tear with minimal patches.

Buy your very own Orange Rust merch here!

[thegreatimpersonator]

so i think i finally figured out what exactly put me off taylor, and it wasn't the politics (or lack of it) or generally how she's been since midnights released. i think it's the basic fact that she's stopped being/feeling like she is a musician. like i know she's doing the tour, obviously, but nothing about her including the tour has felt like it's about her work.

for instance i see artists of her generation and even newer ones do your staple few things after they've released new music: you do SNL maybe, maybe a tiny desk concert, maybe BBC live radio, maybe some smaller/closed door live gigs and live performance videos on your YouTube, maybe you speak with Genius or Apple Music like Hozier did about your process. just tiny things that speak about your music and what is after all your day job.

instead what i recall and what i've seen taylor do since midnights came out (or arguably since the red re-recording came out) is simply her go to jimmy fallon or whatever and basically rehash the same lines about the album, or release a hundred combinations and versions of the same thing for people to buy. and this isn't even half the reason why we see her face plastered everywhere: a bulk of it is pap walks, tabloid-y speculation which generally makes me go what even are you now

and i just feel like this is such a wasted opportunity to do more with her music. the last bit of creativity in this sense that i can think of is the folklore long pond studio sessions: they gave her a chance to talk about making the album, and they also added a different texture to the songs themselves.

wow this is actually such a good observation. she really doesnt promote her music anymore, but she does promote her personal life. (and i know shes on tour, but she has the week off in between, she can do an interview over the phone during lunch one of those days off you know) the TIME interview was the perfect example, i would have loved to know what the re-recording process was like from the beginning, if it changes with each album, what she approaches first, how tour affects the re-recordings, etc... but instead we got a good chunk of her and her current partner. i would have loved to see it focus in on her as an artists rather than her personal life.

and if we take the only artist i can think of that doesnt really do promo but is currently releasing music, that's beyonce (not comparing them as artist dont worry), but beyonce is so different from taylor. they both are selling entirely different things. taylor sells relatability, writes about human emotion for the everyday person. she built a good percentage of her career off of relating to people and building a community of people feeling like they personally can relate to her and she can relate to them. beyonce doesnt offer any of that, she sells the fantasy, an escape. her releasing an album and never really promoting it makes sense, her art doesnt thrive off of relatability and feeling like the everyday person. taylors does.

nothing about taylor is about the music anymore. and when it is, it's 'fans' asking for more of it, then getting it, then wanting more. and when we get it- the longest, most intense discussions are about the person they're supposedly about and people creating an entire story surrounding it... not once admiring the song itself and her work. and thats probably why it feels so exhausting, every conversation is stale and tasteless if you're someone who doesnt care about her personal life. it's just the same gossip over and over again and a lot of its been being discussed for over a decade.

[insomniac4000]

First Impressions ChrisMD

Bethany Margaret Johnson didn't sound like a popstar name so she used the moniker Annie J professionally. Her first top ten single "Like Me" debuted in the charts at number four when she was just nineteen years old and she had gone from strength to strength over the past seven years. The thing that Bethany or Betsy to her friends believed what set her apart from others and the reason for her continued success was her love for music had never wavered.  Even when she was being hounded by the press and paparazzi, spent months away from home, was working fifteen or sixteen hour days for tour preparations she still loved her music. That didn't stop at her music either, she loved music in general and always kept up to date with the goings on, her contemporaries and competition as well as newer artists. 

Betty could be a perfectionist and would be the first person to admit she could be a bit of a control freak about things, she was never rude with it as she had a great team but she was not one of these artists where the team did all of the work, she needed to know all of the goings on, she chose the setlists for her shows, if the record company wanted to release a certain song she would push back as much as she could to fight her corner, she okayed her outfits and she always chose her own support acts. Her her latest UK tour the artists she had chosen to open for her was the Welsh MACY and the singer and TikTok/Youtube star Arthur Hill. She had previously has Talia Mar open for her a couple of years ago which exposed her a little to the online world, Betsy had to admit that was the one part of her job she was happy to hand over to her team, it wasn't really a world she knew too much about but Talia's then boyfriend and now husband Simon seemed like a decent guy. Her and Talia had struck up a friendship and she was even invited to Talia's wedding, she went despite the fact that she didn't know anyone. 

*Flashback*

"You look so beautiful! Congratulations," Betsy smiled as she hugged Talia, as the bride was the only person she really knew properly at the wedding it was a little awkward but she was glad to see her friend get married. 

"Thank you, you look gorgeous I'm so glad you're here! Now we've sat you next to one of Simon's friends Chris," Talia started to explain but Simon cut her off as he hugged Betsy while she congratulated him. 

"He's not long been dumped so sorry if he's a bit miserable." The sideman commented.

"Oh great," Betsy rolled her eyes a little, she came for fun. 

"He's a nice guy I think he was just blindsided by the whole thing but he is dating again so you might have fun," Talia teased and Betsy smiled but rolled her eyes. She walked round the room a little before finding her table and she smiled at the dirty blonde boy with piercing blue eyes. He had some facial hair which peppered a nice and not too defined jaw line. He was wearing a blue suit with a soft yellow gold tie, he looked good and obviously knew how to dress for an occasion. 

"Hi, I'm Bethany," Betsy  smiled as she sat down, smoothing out her gold dress as she did so. 

"Chris nice to meet you," the male said smiling showing off his white but slightly crooked teeth, not only was he cute but he was refreshingly normal. She had dated before, and as a musician the press were all over it, she dated her childhood sweetheart for six years but when they split when she was twenty five and she was linked with a model and a couple of footballers the press went wild. She wasn't a fan of footballers, she doesn't know why she did it and wasn't sure if it was all footballers or the ones she chose but they were self absorbed and pretty sure had photographers of speed dial. 

"So what do you do? The brunette asked taking a sip of water which had been pre poured in glasses. 

"Oh I do football videos on Youtube," Chris explained, Betsy surprised a sigh, not again. "You do music, right?" Chris asked also taking a sip of water, it was too early in the day to  be drunk yet. 

"Yeah," Betsy nodded she didn't mind being recognised but in some circles it could be so superficial. 

"I really loved that one you did  about the note. I had that on repeat for a while," Chris admitted and Betsy smiled, the song, Pen to Paper was an album track so he was obviously a fan.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I can't say I've watched any of your videos," she apologised, turning in her chair a little to face Chris slightly more.

"It's okay, it's like a ninety seven percent male audience so I'm not surprise, and thank you for the honesty."

The pair were interrupted as more people joined their table and introductions were made as well as Chris there were four couples on the table, Will and Mia, Theo and Jodie, Chip and Sabina and Callum and Laura. Betsy knew what Talia was trying to do, as the wine and conversation flowed it was working. 

By the end of the night Betsy and Chris were on the dance floor together getting incredibly close, his hands on her bum during fast dances and their arms around each other during slow ones. 

"Your room or mine?" Chris whispered in a gruff tone when the place was starting to empty and the after party was beginning. They had a good time and the pair swapped numbers but she grew disappointed with him when she messaged him but failed to receive a reply so she thought her very first impression of him was spot on, stupid footballers.

*Present day*

"Ah here she is!" Betsy's tour manager Lance announced when Betsy walked into the room. 

"Hi, I am so sorry I had a meeting and it overran," she apologised before shaking the hands of her support acts, she was meeting them for the first time and wanted to get to know them a little bit better, break the ice and give a run down of how she usually ran things. While she wasn't uptight she wasn't the biggest fan of the sex, drugs, and rock and roll cliche, she didn't care what people did on their own time so long as they arrived on time for rehearsals and their stage slots and didn't flaunt things in the public eye something which was a very reasonable request. 

Everything was set and everyone then had some casual chat to get to know each other a little bit. Soon Betsy was called away for another interview and made her goodbyes.

"Really nice to meet you both, let me or Lance know if you have enough tickets for friends and family I'm sure we can sort some things out, and VIP passes and things. 

"Oh great, my roommates said they're free to come now," Arthur mentioned  and Betsy nodded. 

"We'll sort them out don't worry," the brunette smiled before being ushered off.

Tour went underway and was a huge hit, they reached London of which there were three dates.

"This is really cool," George commented as him and his other housemates enjoyed the backstage tour. 

"It is, the crowds have been great too." The musician responded looking at his friends and noticing the smallest of the four was staring at the door as he clutched his beer, something he had been doing since he got there. 

"You've been very quiet," Arthur H said to Chris who just nodded his head, he was in two minds about whether he wanted to see Betsy or not, he did intend on messaging her back but by the time he got round to it it was a long time, plus he was quite intimidated by being with someone well known his relationship with Shannon was under the microscope enough and they were only two content creators. 

"Hi Arthur," Betsy chimed as she walked into his dressing room, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw the short male, his hair had changed but it was undeniably him, she looked in those eyes long enough to know them. 

"Sorry I didn't know you had company," Betsy went to retreat as she stared at the curly haired man who was suddenly finding his shoes very interesting.

"These are my flatmates, Arthur, George and Chris. Guys this is Betsy otherwise known as AnnieJ," Arthur Hill explained pointing out everyone in turn. George greeted her with a hug, Arthur and Chris settled for a handshake, the two previous lovers ignoring the spark of electricity that flowed through their hands. 

"Have you got time to hang out for a little bit?" Arthur asked, Betsy nodded as she didn't want to be rude plus the other two could be a laugh. 

Chris looked on clutching his beer bottle so hard his knuckles turned white staring at Betsy who was laughing at one of George's jokes. 

"Sorry I need to get ready, enjoy the show guys, it was nice to meet you Arthur and George and hopefully I'll see you after?" Betsy smiled before rushing off out the room. 

"What is your problem? We've only heard two grunts out of you," George commented pointing at Chris who just shrugged. 

"This is just not my scene," he replied, saying more words than he he had spoken in the past two hours.

"Okay, well next time I'll give your space to someone else," Arthur Hill replied as he checked the time, it was approaching show time. 

"This is nothing to do with the fact you two slept together at Simon's wedding and she's obviously forgotten about it," Arthur TV explained, he had only gotten Chris's side of the story so didn't know he had failed to message Betsy back. George and Arthur Hill looked at each other before laughing. 

"Chris we need to get you fixed," Arthur Hill joked before announcing he had to go and warm up. 

The show had calmed Chris down somewhat, MACY was good, Arthur was great and he enjoyed watching Betsy, it was obvious she loved doing what she did things changed slightly again when she sang one of her hit songs Infamy. On the surface it just sounded like the song was about relationships but there was a deeper meaning which was about the press's judgement and hounding of people's personal lives. There was one moment where Chris swore Betsy looked at him momentarily and he felt incredibly guilty, he ghosted her because of something she was already afraid of he felt small, well even smaller.

Arthur Hill was slightly surprised when Chris asked if he could come again, considering he was quiet the day before but Arthur agreed and this time Chris came with a plan. He kept himself a little scarce at the beginning but watched her intently from the side lines that was the first time Betsy noticed his presence there. 

After the show Chris knocked on Betsy's dressing room door he took a deep breath when he heard a soft come in. Chris couldn't help but smile when he saw Betsy in black leggings and a green jumper. Her regular casual self was so much different to her stage persona, she was just a regular girl underneath it all and Chris wanted to get to know her and not the flashy musician exterior he was afraid of before. 

"Hi, good show," Chris smiled. Betsy just nodded before placing her glasses on, her eyes got tired if she wore her contacts for too long. 

"Look I have been an absolute arsehole and if you don't want to listen to me excuses that's fine but I think I owe you an explanation," Chris continued and Betsy looked at him. His blue eyes looked so sincere, so kind and there was something about his little face she couldn't resist. 

"Look if you didn't want anything else a simple text would have sufficed," Betsy replied as she sat on the arm of the grey sofa. 

"But I did! I looked you up and saw all these stories and got flustered. When my ex and I broke up there's still jokes going on about it now and she still gets comments on social media and I just thought about how much worse it would be," Chris admitted and Betsy sighed, she had heard this before. 

"I get it. It's fine."

"It's not, look you probably don't want anything else to do with me but I just owed you a sorry." 

"I didn't say I didn't want anything more to do with you," Betsy smiled getting up from the sofa  and walking slowly over to Chris who nodded as he gave a small but cheeky smile. 

"Good," he smiled before his and Betsy's lips touched.