#but they didn’t follow the Midwest goodbye order of things

[fatwithoutkatsudon]

The first Justice League meeting but Superman brings a casserole and thinks everyone is rude when they leave immediately after stating they’re going instead of lingering for an hour or two and staying their intent to leave 3-5 times.

[something-tofightfor]

Buried: Part 1

Pairing: Agent Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x Reader (female reader insert; no ‘Y/N’)

Word Count: 8,144

Rating: M; Mentions of casual sex, previous relationships, character death, canon-typical situations (violence, deceit), drinking, language. 

Summary: You’re a Statesman agent, but haven’t seen active duty in months. You don’t mind making yourself useful around the distillery, but it’s getting old - and so is the fact that your favorite partner Jack hasn’t been back to Kentucky in months without an explanation. But there’s a lot more to it than Champ just waiting til the time is right ... even if you don’t know it. 

Author’s note:

Hello, friends! The first part of this story establishes things between Reader and Jack ... or does it? The whole point is for there to be questions, but if you have ANY specific things you’d like to know ... feel free to ask.  I have a soft spot for sad cowboys, and Whiskey’s near the top of the list. He deserved so much better than the movie gave him ... so here goes.  There’s a playlist for this song that I’ll be adding a little later; I want to get it up on time, so it won’t be ready to go til the timezone reblog tomorrow + I’ll add it in following parts, too.  Thank you - in advance - to everyone that’s encouraged me with this one, and for reading.  Tag list is open. 

The thing about late summer in Kentucky was that unless you knew people and had specific plans, there was nothing do do after roughly seven PM on a weekday. Weekends in Louisville were busy and crowded - always - and your job kept you occupied a lot of the time, too, but it was still an adjustment for you when things were truly quiet - and laid back. As a legacy recruit (thanks to an uncle that had doted on you as a child), you’d known what being a Statesman entailed from the moment you’d gone through the first stages of the recruitment process - moving from the midwest to the south, trading in skyscrapers and expressways for rolling hills and silence, saying goodbye to the people you’d grown up with and replacing them with your new friends and colleagues. It was a change, but it was a good opportunity for you, and you didn’t want to waste it, especially after proving yourself a valuable asset. There was nothing keeping you from visiting your friends and family aside from a lack of time, but it had been much longer than you liked to admit since you’d been home. I’ll go soon. I get a couple weeks off next month, and it’s not like I’m on assignment, so… Sighing, you turned the key in the lock of your door. I’ll visit before the holidays. 

Your friends and family thought you just worked for the Statesman distillery in some capacity, and even though you were vague about what you actually did, calling it a combination of marketing and research and development, a couple of bottles of the barrel-aged bourbon paired  with a new set etched glasses or top of the line tumblers a few times a year stopped any additional questions. It’s almost too easy, but it’s better than the truth. 

Before you got too far from your room, you winced, reaching down to grip your thigh and flexing your toes in the sandals you wore. That’s weird. But the pain passed quickly, and you made your way across the campus, nodding to a few of the visitors ending the last tour of the evening and making their way out of the gift shop. Your destination was the main quad’s outdoor bar. Why go into Louisville when I have the whole place to myself here? 

That wasn’t entirely true; there were plenty of employees on hand - men and women that stayed on or near the distillery property at all hours to keep things moving, but most of the other agents were all out in various places - Tequila was in Montana, Brandy and Bourbon were somewhere on the west coast, Whiskey was in New York running that office, and the two newest agents - Tonic and Sherry were off somewhere else, paired with seasoned veterans like Gin and Cognac to get used to their new responsibilities.  There was an established order to things, and you knew your place within that order, even if you weren’t entirely happy about it. No, that’s not … I’m not unhappy. Just frustrated right now. It was just you and Ginger, along with the ever-present Champ that were still on-site in Kentucky, but you hoped it wouldn’t be long until you got an assignment, too, packing your bags and heading off to wherever you were needed. Waiting was part of the job, and you usually didn’t mind it, but if anyone had asked, you wouldn’t deny that you were restless after months of idling, the last humidity of summer not doing anything to make your situation less annoying. Nothing a beer or two can’t help, though. Grinning at the young woman behind the bar, she slid your glass to you with a wink and you picked it up, turning to scan the open seats. There were plenty of them - the dinner crowd had been light that night, apparently, meaning that the outdoor patio was mostly empty, only a few booths and tables filled. Seeing that your favorite spot - a cushioned couch near a low stone wall that looked out over some of the rolling hills that surrounded the cluster of buildings - was open, you made your way over to it, setting your drink down on the table. Perfect. Lowering yourself onto the comfortable seat, you tucked one leg beneath your body, tugging your skirt into place so that it covered your other leg - the one that had pained you as you left your room - the material pooling around your knees. 

Settled, you leaned forward and then picked up your beer to take a long drink from it, letting your eyes wander over the expanse of green in front of you. Feels like it was just winter, and now it’s almost fall again. The area was peaceful, even if it was less busy than you were used  to, and you knew that with a little more time, you’d get truly used to it, no matter how long you stayed in one spot for. It’s only been a few months, and this is the longest I’ve been here without an assignment. You’d done your training at the facility, true, but in the years since you started, Champ had made it a point to send you out into the field as often as possible, which made the current lapse in assignments that much more jarring. The beer cradled on your lap in one hand, you used your other one to scroll through your phone, idly checking social media and your email. There weren’t many updates to go through, because you kept up with it throughout the day, and before you’d finished your drink, you were out of things to do. Great. You put the phone down, rubbing that hand over your eyes, and were surprised to hear your name coming from your right. But that… Frowning, you lowered your hand, looking in that direction and couldn’t help smiling at what you saw. He’s not supposed to be here. “Jack? What are you -” “The real question is why are you drinkin’ alone?” He finally made it to stand next to where you sat, one hand on his hip and the other holding a drink of his own, Stetson-covered head tilted down to look at you. “Too nice a night to -” “I don’t see anyone next to you, Daniels.” He laughed at that, lips twitching up and into a smirk, and you gestured to the open space next to you, repositioning your legs so that there was plenty of room for him. “You’re drinking alone, too. Unless you’re meeting someone, you can -” But instead of sitting, he held out his drink to you, head slowly shaking back and forth and waiting until you’d taken it from his hand to say anything else. “Gonna go get you a refill. We’ve got some catchin’ up to do.” We do, Jack. Nodding once, you watched as the man turned, heading back toward the bar. It was a shock to see him, but his friendliness wasn’t a surprise; the man had been nothing but warm toward you since the day you’d joined the team. A few years older than you, Jack Daniels was everything that the Statesman name stood for, including confident, smart, brave and capable - and he was also gorgeous and a shameless flirt, though he’d never made you uncomfortable with it. 

You were far from being the only female Statesman agent, but definitely were outnumbered by the men you worked with. It didn’t bother you; in fact, it was one of your favorite parts of the job. They treated you like a longtime friend in one-on-one situations, and on the rare occasions when most of you were in the same place at the same time, things were no different. Each of them looked out for you in their own way, but didn’t make a show of it; including Whiskey. He’s more direct about it, though. 

You’d moved away from your childhood and college friends, but had gained people you considered family, so it was a fair trade - at least in your mind. It was one of the things that had drawn you to the organization in the first place, and you were thankful that in the years you’d been an agent, there hadn’t been a reason for the way you felt about it to change. 

Your feelings evolved over time as you got to know the men and women you worked with. You were closer to Ginger than you had been at first, and even Tequila had grown on you as the months passed, the man endlessly attempting to make you laugh and telling you that you reminded him of his sister. Bourbon liked to get your opinion on just about everything, and you looked forward to your weekly emails with Gin, a newer agent that was in the middle of helping to plan her sister’s wedding while working a long undercover assignment in California.

But Whiskey - even though you never called him that unless you were on the job - had taken a step back from you over the previous few months, and there was no concrete explanation for it. It’s a couple things, but … nothing for sure. You knew it was partially due to his reassignment to New York; the distance was one thing, but the fact that he was running the office kept him busy in and out of regular business hours, too. 

He’d also been seen with a woman multiple times in New York; some socialite on his arm at a few dinners and functions, the man’s smile dazzlingly white beneath his neatly trimmed mustache, the pictures proudly displayed in the distillery’s press hall. But it’s never been like that between us, so that wouldn’t be the cause… maybe I’ll ask, since he’s back right now. You liked the man, were friendly with him, joked with him more easily than you did anyone else at the company, but it hadn’t ever been more - not even a little. You and Jack worked together well, and you always looked forward to the longer assignments with him, even though there hadn’t been one in a while. He’d been with you on your first trip out as an official agent, and requested you often as a partner. In your mind, the man was your closest friend, and that made the distance between you much more painful.

Despite the fact that you’d had very different upbringings and even more different early-adult life experiences, the two of you were in sync more often than not, making the assignments with him much less stressful than they were when you worked with other agents. So why is he… But you cut the thought off, instead using a hand to smooth your skirt over your knee again, squeezing it gently when you felt a dull ache deep within the muscle. Must have done that the other day in training. I probably overdid it. Your thoughts diverged from your knee and back to the man quickly. He was on his way over to you, two empty glasses in one hand and a pitcher of beer in the other, and even though you hadn’t planned on drinking that much - or for that long, you knew you wouldn’t turn the man down. “How long’s it been, Jack?” You reached for the glasses, waiting until he’d put the pitcher on the table to set them down. “Six months? You spent all summer in -” “Not all summer. Champ sent me outta the office in April for a week, an’ then I was in Scotland for almost two in July, but -” Nudging him with your elbow, you glanced over, rolling your eyes. “What?” “I just mean,” you sighed, wiping at your lower lip with the heel of your hand after you’d finished your first drink. “That it’s been all summer since you’ve been back here to see us.” He nodded, eyes warm under the overhead lighting as they searched your face. “I know you’ve been busy, we’ve seen some of it in the news, but I -” He reached up, pulling his hat off of his head and resting it on the table, right next to the pitcher before he turned his head toward you. “I’m just givin’ you a hard time, Agent.” He never called you by your code name either, unless it was absolutely necessary, and you’d gotten more used to hearing him call you Agent than your real name, too. “Been too long - believe me, I know it. That’s why I’m back now, though. Champ’s got somethin’ new for me, said I had to be here to talk about it tomorrow mornin’. No remote call-in.” “Oh?” You poured yourself a new drink - and one for him as well, before settling back against the cushion, the top half of your body angled toward him, back against the corner of the seat. “Must be big, then.” He shrugged, licking his lips and looking away. “Thought maybe I’d get the next assignment, you know? I’ve been here for months, just doing all the boring shit, and …” “You miss it?” He leaned closer, one side of his mouth turned up in a smirk, even though the expression didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Bein’ undercover? Out there with me an’ the other g-” “Yes. I do.” Swallowing more of the drink you held, you shrugged. “I guess I’m still being helpful here, but it feels like everyone’s…” He surprised you by reaching out with his free hand, settling it on your knee. “Wh -” “I ain’t s’posed to tell you this.” The smirk was nearly a full-blown grin, and the look in his eyes had changed, too - brightening. You studied his face without hesitation, eyes moving over it as your heart began to beat faster. What’s he going to tell me? “And I don’t even know if it’s gonna happen, but …” He leaned in closer, raising one brow and pausing for dramatic effect. Like always. “Champ wouldn’t tell me what I’m gonna be doin’, but he said I have a partner this time.” What? You blinked, frowning. “You’re the only one here right now, right?” I am. You nodded, eyes locked on his. “Then I think you an’ I might -” “Don’t get my hopes up.” His smile was contagious, and even though there was no certainty, you were thrilled at the prospect of going back into the field with the man. Just the field in general, really. “It’s been so long since we -” “St. Paul late last winter.” He squeezed your knee, pulling his hand away and sitting back up straight. “I remember.” Me, too. “You don’t miss a thing, do you, Jack?” You murmured the words, but saw the slight wrinkle of his nose at them, waiting to continue. “I guess we’ll see, right?” He agreed, and both of you went quiet, holding your drinks tightly in your hands. “How’s New York?” It was an innocent question, but the way he eyed you stopped you from saying anything else. What’s that look for? “It’s New York City. Too much damn traffic, too many rude people, not enough time to myself.” He finished his beer, leaning over to pour another one. “But I don’t know that that’s what you mean.” What? “You said I’ve been in the news, so what’ve you … seen?” It was his turn to lean back and watch you, one eyebrow raised and a curl of hair only slightly out of place over his forehead in the humid night air. Why does this feel different? “Have you been inside yet? To the hallway by the tower elevators?” He shook his head slowly no, and you let out a breath. “It’s like your own personal photo gallery in there, Jack. Newspaper clippings, press releases, pictures from the events you’ve been to.” You gulped down a mouthful of beer, choosing your next words carefully. “It looks like the city … makes you happy.” “Doesn’t.” With a rueful twist of his lips, Whiskey shifted his hips, getting comfortable as his fingers curled around the glass he held, propping one leg up on the table in front of him. “It’s all a show, darlin’. Much rather be back here or in the field full time again.” At his use of the word darlin’, you felt your stomach flip, realizing that he wasn’t being totally upfront with you. He never calls me by any of those … he makes sure of it. “Jack…” Glancing up, you counted to three before you spoke again, moving your body out of the corner of the furniture and straightening up. “I didn’t mean to -” But he cut you off with a wave of his hand, and when he met your eyes again, the look on his face was more relaxed, his eyes a rich shade of brown in the overhead lighting. “‘Course you didn’t mean to. But why are we talkin’ about me right now? I wanna know what you’ve been up to that hasn’t been in the briefings.” He doesn’t want to talk about New York, but why? You tilted your head to one side, swallowing, and then decided to let it go. I haven’t seen him in months. It’s not worth it tonight. “You won’t believe this, but …” You paused, taking a long drink and then holding the glass in both hands, never looking away from his face. “They had me leading tours.” He laughed at that, throwing his head back and closing his eyes, and you failed to keep yourself from joining him, feeling immediately at ease. Oh, Jack. That sound. “I know, right? It was only for a couple weeks, but …” Grimacing, you rolled your eyes, sucking in a breath as he moved again, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a one armed hug. “Wh-” “I woulda paid to see that tour, an’ you know it.” You snorted at that, even though it was the truth, but then were surprised to feel the press of his lips to the top of your head - brief but firm. What’s he … that’s strange. “It’s great to see you again. Been too long.” You agreed, even though something still felt off, and with a firm shove to his side, pushed yourself away from him, the tips of Jack’s fingers sliding over your bare shoulders as he pulled his arm back. Oh, that… Blinking quickly, you remembered the same feeling - his hand moving over your upper back, the fingers of that hand encased in thick gloves, pressure felt even through the thick coat you wore - but were able to push it down, lowering your chin to your chest and sighing quietly, collecting yourself. That never happened. “Maybe if you ask real nice, Daniels, I’ll give you one before you leave on your assignment.” Arching a brow, you looked back up at him, then wrinkled your nose. “I did have to spend two days memorizing like ten pages of -” He laughed again, his grip tightening on your shoulder for a brief second before he pulled his hand back into his lap, meeting your eyes with a wink of his own. “Finally. Someone that can tell me all the secrets of the Statesman Distillery.” With a snort you swallowed the last of your drink, using your tongue to dry your lips from the lingering foam. Oh, it’s good to have you back, Jack. 

--- 

He walked you back to your room that night, the conversation once again easy between you. It felt good to talk to the man, and you realized just how much you’d missed him in the months he’d been gone. He hadn’t touched you again after pulling his arm away from your shoulders, but the moment you stumbled, the muscles in your leg tightening halfway to your room, Whiskey’s arm was immediately around your waist, steadying you. “Did we have a little too much to drink?” You could tell he was teasing, but weren’t in the mood, your hand firmly gripping your thigh, fingers digging in through your skirt. “I’m just -” “No.” Wincing, you let out a breath. “I think I overdid it in the pool the other day. I swim laps a couple times a week, and -” “That leg botherin’ you?” He still hadn’t let go of you, even though you were standing straight, and the heat and pressure of his fingers against your side distracted you, your eyes flicking down to stare at them. He said your name, tone softer, and curled his fingers slightly, pulling you from your thoughts. “What’s goin’ on with you?” Maybe I should get this checked out. “You gonna be alright if I let go?” Yes. No. I don’t… There was another flash of a memory as he loosened his hold on you; Whiskey’s concerned eyes focused on your face, a shout of your name, both of his hands reaching for you - but it was gone before you could focus on it, and you heard him say your name again. Shit. “I’m fine, Jack.” Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a breath. “If it wasn’t swimming, it was probably on the trail. There’s nothing to do with everyone gone, so I use it a lot.” But deep down, you knew that swimming and walking hadn’t caused the pain, even if you had no idea what had. “I swear.” You turned to face him, reaching out to place a hand on his chest as you looked up at the man. “And if you say a goddamn word to Champ or Ginger before we find out if I’m going with you wherever you’re assigned?” His eyes widened at your touch, but at the words, you saw him trying to conceal a smile. Got you. “I’ll make sure you regret it.” 

He laughed at that, tongue poking out to wet his lower lip. “Yes, ma’am.” You laughed too, giving your thigh one more squeeze before you took another step, cautiously setting your foot down. That’s better. You walked in silence for a few minutes, and then the man spoke up, voice low. “I lied to you earlier.” What? You were waiting for the elevator, Whiskey leaning casually against the wall. “About New York.” “What do you mean?” Frowning, you paused long enough to step inside, waiting for him to join you. “Lied? About what?” “I’ve got too much time to myself in that city.” No, you don’t. You’re always with … “There’s not as much to do there for the business as you think, so I hadta find other things to do.” He had his arms crossed over his chest, back against the wall of the elevator. “Almost wish I hadn’t asked to -” But he stopped himself, gritting his teeth. Asked? What does that mean? But before he could continue, the doors opened on your floor. “This is you.” He gestured to the open space, and you stepped onto the hall, the man close behind you. As you walked, you dug the keys out of your bag, still thinking about his words. It doesn’t matter. It’s late. He’s just…  “Jack?” You finally spoke again, looking back over your shoulder at him as you unlocked the door. “Even if tomorrow isn’t what you think it is…” With a twist of the knob, you pushed the door open a few inches. “Don’t leave without saying goodbye, alright? Who knows when you’ll be back again, and -” “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He stepped closer, reaching up to put a hand on the doorframe. “But you gotta promise me somethin’ too.” The door all the way open, you finally turned back to face him directly. He was watching you closely again, eyes moving over your face and then down to your shoulders before they slid back up, concern evident in them. “You gotta tell Ginger if you keep havin’ pain in that leg. She’ll figure out what it is and how to fix it.” “It’s just some sore muscles. I’ll be -” He cut you off with a scoff, muttering the words “yeah, you’ll be fine, I know” under his breath. “I will. I’ve had worse. Remember when I was in Texas, and that stakeout went wrong? Busted my arm up. Or in Whistler, on the skis?” You rolled your eyes. “Had to use that thing on my back when I got back here, and it still took days for me to feel normal.” Letting out a long sigh, you said his name. “If a sore knee or an achy thigh is enough to keep me down, I don’t deserve to be a Statesman.” “Not what I said.” He winked at you, sliding his hand down the frame and then letting go. But instead of straightening up, he leaned forward, squeezing your elbow once. “An’ you know it.” I do. “Get some sleep. Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow in the conference room.” I hope so too. “Thanks for havin’ a drink with me tonight. Felt like …” “Like before?” You raised a brow, giving him a lopsided smile. “When you weren’t 800 miles away for months at a time?” His eyes flashed, but he nodded after a second, returning your smile. Oops. But Jack didn’t let your comment stop him, his words smooth as he replied.

“Exactly.” He grinned at you again, reaching up with one hand to stroke his mustache. “Now go to bed, Agent.” Assuring him that you would, you watched as he turned away from you, heading back for the elevator. Jack’s place was two floors above yours - one of the perks of being a senior operative, and you knew that it was much larger than the one you lived in, too. Even though he doesn’t use it often. At that thought, you smiled again, thinking of all the times it stayed vacant - either due to the man being on assignment or finding other reasons to sleep elsewhere - and then let out another long breath, eyes on the ceiling. He’s right. I need to say something to Ginger. You weren’t one of the people that refused to admit when the man was right about something. Jack was cocky, sure. He was downright insufferable at times, even, but that didn’t mean that he was wrong. “He’s my friend.” You spoke out loud, beginning to get ready for bed. And he’s been doing this a lot longer than me. And he was - your friend, a good friend, someone that you knew was actually looking out for you, even when you weren’t doing the same for yourself. We’ll see what happens tomorrow before I figure out what I’m going to do. There was no email from Champ, no request for a meeting, no calendar invite - but Jack had seemed certain that he’d have a partner on whatever assignment he was getting. It’s gotta be me, right? By the time you climbed into bed, only using a light blanket despite the cool air that circulated throughout the room, you weren’t thinking about tomorrow’s details or the hours you’d spend going through files and transcripts. You weren’t even thinking about the twinges of pain you’d felt, or the potential meeting and assignment the following day. No, you were thinking about Jack, and the way he’d casually touched you. You were focused on remembering the way his arm wrapped around your shoulders, the way his lips pressed to the top of your head felt. The darkness of your bedroom did nothing to erase the memory of his arm around your waist; steadying you - but at the same time holding you. You also considered the two brief flashes you’d had; memories that weren’t actual memories, but had come from somewhere else. I’ll remember. Unless… they were from dreams. It was possible, but unlikely.

Things had never been like that between you and Jack Daniels. Despite all of his flirting, the openness with women, the confidence he carried himself with, he’d been nothing but respectful toward you, treating you like a close friend, someone that he cared about deeply - that he wanted to keep safe. It had never progressed further than that with Jack - not even close. But that didn’t mean that you didn’t want more. You knew his backstory. Knew that he still - and always would - carry a torch for the woman he’d married and lost, that he wasn’t looking for anything long term or serious. You knew that he didn’t get physically close with other Statesman employees because mixing work with pleasure didn’t end well - and it complicated everything. 

 Jack Daniels was your sometimes partner, your good friend … and the one man that you couldn’t ever have. --- 

“You should let me buy you a drink.” The woman’s voice startled him, and Jack turned his head toward it, blinking twice. How long’s she been tryin’ to talk to me? “There you are.” The woman to his left was pretty - younger than him, dark hair and doe eyes, just enough makeup on to accentuate her features. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for like … five minutes.” “Tryin’ for that long means I’m gonna buy you a drink.” She smiled at his words, eyes shifting to the open bar stool next to him, and he gave a single nod, glancing down too. It’s the least I can do. “What’s your name, lil’ lady?” She laughed, and he allowed himself a smile at the sound, though he’d already looked back to the bartender. “Annie.” He filed it away, holding up a finger and pointing it at the woman next to him, sending the bartender’s attention to her. “And I’ll have a dirty martini. Gin.” As the woman turned away to begin making the drink, Jack’s gaze returned to the young woman, eyebrows knit. “You know my name … what’s yours?” 

“Name’s Jack. Jack Daniels.” Her eyes widened at that, but his eyebrows shot up in response, already digging into the pocket of his pants for his wallet. “Not foolin’ you. Look.” He passed her a business card - his go to move, though the number listed was his office number and not his personal one. “Born and raised Jack Daniels, but my nickname’s -” “Let me guess.” She pressed her lips together, wrinkling her nose. “Whiskey.” He grinned at that, eyes closing briefly and his head nodding up and down once in agreement. “How original.” I’m used to that. “Thank you for the drink, Whiskey.” She raised it to her lips and he watched the movement, waiting. There were a few ways that the night could have gone, but even though he was perfectly content to share a drink with the woman and make polite conversation, it wouldn’t go further than that. And not only becausea Stephanie, because of … He sighed, your face flashing in his mind. 

“So.” He took a drink from his own glass - he’d chosen a beer that night, foregoing his namesake - his usual drink of choice. “What made you decide to come talk to the oldest guy in this bar tonight?” He cocked his head to the side, genuinely curious. “You’re young’n pretty, and I’m -” “Oh, come on.” She leaned in, rolling her eyes. “You’re not that old, and besides, this is New York City. All the younger guys are either assholes or dumb.” He had to agree; it was a far cry from Kentucky, and leagues different from where he’d grown up. “And,” she continued, leaning in even further and reaching out, her hand settling on his forearm. “There are plenty of other bars around here that you could have gone to if you wanted to hang out with people ‘your’ age, Jack.” She punctuated her words with the fingers of her free hand forming air quotes, and he had to hand it to her - she was perceptive. “You’re here because you want to be, and I’m talking to you because I want to be.”

“You’re direct.” He was smiling again, taking another long drink, his eyes moving over the bar in front of him, lingering on the TVs mounted near the ceiling. “I appreciate that.” But it doesn’t change anything. “I want to be upfront with you, Annie.” He sighed, making eye contact again. “I’m seein’ someone right now. And I have no problem havin’ a drink or two with you, but if you’re lookin’ for more, it’s not gonna be with me.” He watched her face fall, eyes moving from his and down, lingering on his mouth before she took a deep breath. 

“You know… I have to…” Pausing, she took another drink. “I have to thank you for being honest, Jack.” She shrugged. “I’m disappointed, but I’m not surprised, you know?” Her shoulders lifted and then fell in a shrug. “She’s a lucky girl.” He didn’t say anything but nodded back, waiting. “I don’t … know what else to say. I came over here thinking that -” “S’all right, Annie.” He grinned. “What’s that expression? You shot your -” Before he could finish, the woman was laughing again, her fingers squeezing his arm before she pulled back, covering her mouth with that hand. 

“Yeah, Jack. Figured I’d shoot my shot with you, and see what happened.” He laughed, too, at how ridiculous it sounded coming out of her mouth. Sounds just as stupid as it does when it’s Tequila sayin’ it.  “Well now that that’s out in the open, maybe you can tell me about what you do.” She tapped the card with the tip of one finger, still eyeing him. “Statesman Distillery? They make some good -” But she was interrupted by the vibration of his phone against his leg, and Jack’s eyes immediately dropped as he reached into his pocket. “Sorry, I have to-” But he stopped as he saw the name on the screen. Why’s Champ calling so late? Again, his mind snapped to you, but before he could work himself up, he pressed the button to answer, lifting the device to his ear. “This is Jack.” There was a slight pause before the man spoke, the drawl of his voice loud in Jack’s ear even over the sounds of the bar. “Agent Whiskey. I am assuming by the way you answered the phone that you’re out somewhere?” He confirmed, eyes flicking to the woman next to him, watching as she turned to face forward, her eyes on one of the TV screens. “Are you able to get to somewhere private? We need to talk.” 

“About what, Champ?” Licking his lips, he waited. “Can it -”

“About Agent Cider.” He felt his heart slam against his ribs, and had to bite his tongue in order to keep quiet. Fuck. “So no, it cannot wait.” Tilting his head to the side and pinning the phone between his ear and shoulder, he once again reached for his wallet, pulling it out and thumbing through the bills. “I need about twenty minutes to get back to my place. That alright with you?” Champ assured him that it was, and seconds later, Jack had laid out enough on the bar to cover his current tab plus a generous tip, and inched closer to where Annie was still sitting, pointedly looking anywhere else but at him. “I’m sorry, darlin’, that was work, and I need to go now.” She finally looked at him again, and he saw the sadness in her eyes, though she was smiling gently at him. “Thank you for sittin’ with me, and thank you for trying to buy me a drink.” He winked, standing up from the bar and reaching over to grab the Stetson that had been sitting next to him, settling it on his head. “Enjoy your -” “Oh, Jesus you’ve even got a cowboy hat? This is unbelievable.” Annie groaned, closing her eyes before covering her face with both hands. “This night keeps getting worse for me.” What does that mean? “It was great to meet you, Whiskey.” Chewing on her lip for a second, she eyed him. “I’d write my number on your card if I even thought you’d call, but… I know you wont.” She raised her glass, taking a long, deep breath. “Here’s to better luck next time.” Oh, she’s… she really is interested.

A few minutes later, he was settled into the back seat of a cab, headed back to his apartment. Champ’s words - though few - were replaying in his mind, but the man had no idea why he was so worried. What could have changed? I know I haven’t been back to Kentucky in a while, but nothin’s… there hasn’t been anything in the briefings. 

Sprawled out in the back seat of the cab, Jack stared out the window, lips pushed into a pout. The city flew by, and even though it wasn’t as late as he’d thought, it was still fully dark, meaning that Champ should have been done for the day. But he’s calling me, and it’s about … her. Paying the cabbie and using his keycard to enter the building, Jack’s booted foot tapped on the floor as he rode the elevator up, anxiety growing by the second. But when he unlocked his front door, he was surprised to find the woman he’d been seeing for a few months lounging on his couch, feet up on the coffee table and her hand in her hair as she stared at the TV. “Steph? What are you -”

“We were supposed to go to dinner tonight, Jack.” She stood, stepping over to where he waited, her hands reaching for the lapels of his jacket. “Remember? We made -” He groaned, swearing as he removed his hat, setting it on the side table. “I figured you forgot, and then you didn’t answer your phone, so I just came over, and the doorman buzzed me up.” “I’m sorry. Stopped to have a drink after I left work today, and lost track of time. I must have left my personal phone at the office, and now I …” Glancing at the clock, he saw that his promised timeframe was quickly winding down. “I gotta call my boss. It’s an emergency.” She looked upset, but nodded. “Did you eat? We can order somethin’ or -” “It’s no big deal.” Giving him a tight-lipped smile, the woman lowered her head. “You know, I know this isn’t serious, Jack, but I still… I don’t know, I thought we were -” “Look.” He put his hands on his hips, chewing on the inside of his lip. “We can talk about this as soon as I’m done with this phone call, Stephanie, but it’s important, and I can’t -” She turned away from him without saying anything, and even though he knew she was expecting him to follow her, Jack instead turned toward the hallway leading to his bedroom, locking the door behind him and shedding his jacket and tie before stepping out onto the balcony and closing the door behind him. It’s just a phone call. But as he dialed Champ’s number, lifting the phone to his ear again, Jack knew that it wasn’t going to be just a phone call. Yes, he was a senior agent, but Champ didn’t owe him anything. Especially not when it comes to her. “You’re late, Agent.” He set his shoulders at the man’s informal greeting, but Jack didn’t speak, waiting. “Back home? Sounded like you were -” “I am.” Clearing his throat, he eyed the New York skyline, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. “You said you needed to talk to me? About Cid-” There was a long sigh on the other end of the line, but when Champ spoke again, Jack could hear the change in his voice. “We’re running out of options, Jack.” He felt his stomach drop, leaning forward in the chair and raising a hand to run it through his hair. “Ginger Ale and I have been talking, and it’s time to do somethin’ about -” “It’s only been a few months, Champ. She -” The older man swore, cutting Jack off. “Well then what do you want to do? And why are you callin’ me about it? You know that I -”

“We need to figure out, Jack, if she’s fit for duty. I can’t have one of my best agents sidelined because of an assignment gone wrong that she can’t remember.” The hand in his hair moved to cover his eyes, and after taking another deep, unsteady breath, the man spoke - voice quiet. “You can’t just tell her, Champ. You know that. You know what it does to people, what it …” Another memory moved to the forefront of his mind; his wife, staring at him from a tiny square of vinyl and film - her long hair cascading over her shoulders, the easy smile she wore, the way he could hear her voice in his head every time Ginger had had to wake him back up and how much it hurt - and how long it lingered. I won’t let him do that to her, not all at once. Even if it means … “She’s passed all of the other tests, right? There’s no change in her -” “That’s not the point, Agent Whiskey. She’s a liability at the moment, and if I send her out on another assignment, what happens when -” What happens when she remembers, right? 

He swallowed hard, the sound of your scream echoing in his mind. “There’s a difference in assumin’ something’s going to happen, and seeing it happen. You don’t know if she’s ever gonna remember, Champ. You don’t -” “Sending her out with anyone is a risk. You know that better than anyone. I can’t trust that she -” “Send her out with me.” He spoke without pause, eyes opening wide, straightening up in the chair. “I trust her. Even if she doesn’t remember St. Paul, even if she … never remembers it. Send us on assignment together, Champ. Give me a chance to show you that she’s… gonna be fine.” “Ginger Ale said you’d say that.” At the words, Whiskey allowed himself to feel a slight hope - a small spark of warmth in his chest. “She seems to think that you have a special interest in Agent Cider’s future as a Statesman.” I do, but that doesn’t matter. “You need to come back next week, Jack. Give us some time to figure something out, and then you can come back to talk it over in person.” “Alright.” He swallowed hard, looking down at his feet. “Champ?” He let uncertainty creep into his voice, knowing that the other man could hear it, too. “Thank you for callin’ me.” He didn’t have to thank Champagne, but knew that in the long run, it was best to stay on the man’s good side as much as possible. “You gonna say anything to her? Let her know that -” “No, Agent. I think …” He trailed off, and Jack heard the telltale sound of the man spitting out a mouthful of bourbon. “I think we’ll let you tell her when the time’s right.” Me? But that … “We’ll have things finalized by the end of the week. Tie up any loose ends and be ready to be back at the distillery by Wednesday. Clear?” “Crystal.” The conversation ended there, but Jack didn’t move, instead curling his fingers tightly around the device, the edges of it biting into his palm. “Shit.” He curled his upper lip and then glanced upward, closing his eyes. “Shit, Jack. This isn’t…” He finally stood, making his way back into the living room after tossing his phone onto the bed. Stephanie was still on the couch, but he saw that her eyes were unfocused. “Stephanie?” She glanced over her shoulder at him, but kept quiet. “I think you should go.” “For the night?” She stood, watching him closely. “What -” “No. Not just tonight.” I don’t want to hurt you, but I need  to be honest. “I’m gonna have to leave for a while. Gotta go back to the distillery for work. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for. Maybe a while.” It was a slight exaggeration - probably - but he didn’t want to take any chances. I can’t keep runnin’ from this. “I had fun with you, Steph, but it… like you said, wasn’t nothin’ serious, just keepin’ each other company.” She gasped, and Jack recoiled from the sound, but kept his feet planted. It’s easier this way. “You knew me bein’ here was temporary. Who knows what’s gonna happen when I go back. Could be a week, could be a month. Could be permanent, but that’s -” “Protect yourself, right Jack?” She pulled her shoes on as she spoke, voice venomous. “That’s what you always do.” She stopped in front of him, her eyes blazing. “Never let anyone get close to you, because you like being so goddamn…” She scoffed. “COO of a company like Statesman, can’t get tied down, right? Can’t -” “I never lied to you. Never said this was gonna be anything more than -” But Stephanie only rolled her eyes and stepped past him, mumbling under her breath about what an asshole he was. “Fine. You do what you need to do. Tell people whatever you need to tell ‘em, but we both know the truth.” Standing her ground, the woman stared at him, eyes blazing. She’s the one that said she was fine with… fuck. “You’re makin’ this harder than it needs to be right now.” He spoke quietly, but she didn’t reply, and a few seconds later, the door slammed behind her, leaving Jack alone in the apartment. “Goddammit.” He ran his hands through his hair, closing his eyes. “Well, shit.” But the quiet got to him, and after he’d composed himself, Jack locked the front door, turning the lights off and moving back to his bedroom, slowly undressing. The woman’s words echoed in his head - and while she wasn’t wrong, she wasn’t quite right, either. He’d never told Stephanie about his wife, the first woman that he’d fallen in love with, the one he’d married only months out of high school, the one that knew him better than he’d known himself, from nearly the first day they’d met. She didn’t know the pain he’d felt when the woman - and their unborn child - were taken from him after only a few short years of marriage - a senseless act that left him closed off and unwilling to get involved long term with anyone. The death of his wife had led him to destructive behavior - brawling in bars, excessive drinking, his generally happy-go-lucky disposition all but replaced with anger and hostility at the fact that he hadn’t been there to protect her. But Champ had found him when he’d needed someone most; locked up in the town’s lone holding cell and nursing one hell of a hangover along with a black eye, offering  him an opportunity to channel that anger - as well as the rest of his emotions - into something positive, something worthwhile. He’d immediately left home, cutting ties with everyone except his wife’s parents and focused entirely on becoming a Statesman agent. That opportunity had led him to plenty of others, and though he’d never let himself have another relationship, he’d had his fair share of women - short term, no commitment, making the most of his new lifestyle; a bachelor with a great deal of disposable income, finding himself in tons of different locations around the world - using them to forget, to blow off steam, and to pretend that everything was fine. But it never was. And it wouldn’t have been, without … He thought of you, then, the first time he’d seen you as you completed your training, wide eyed and overeager to get used to your new surroundings and responsibilities. You were younger than him, sure, but you’d warmed to him easily, though you hadn’t tried to take it further. Jack genuinely liked you, and from the beginning, it was different for him with you than with any other new recruits. He found himself looking forward to working with you, to seeing you in different areas of the facility, to testing the limits of your skills with you. He hadn’t been willing to admit it, but Jack wanted to get to know you, even then. He flirted - hard - but you went with it, teasing him back without missing a beat, and over time - the course of a few years, Jack realized that he felt things for you that he hadn’t felt since he’d been with his wife, despite the fact that things hadn’t ever escalated beyond what could be considered friendly. And for once, I didn’t know what to do about it. He was sitting on the edge of his bed in the darkened room, dressed only in his shorts and a white t-shirt, eyes on the sliding glass door.  But I didn’t want to admit it, because… “Because admittin’ it meant I could lose it.” Jack’s eyes closed, squeezing shut, teeth digging into his full lower lip. And then I did lose it, just like I lost my wife.

---

Tag list:

@krissology @pheedraws @alraedesigns @phoenixhalliwell @the-blind-assassin-12 @paracosmenthusiast @cannedsoupsucks @raspberrymama @arduadastra @driedgreentomatoes @gollyderek​

[biggest-stupidhead]

Bad Timing (Levi x Reader) Part 5

Summary: How do you tell your friends that you’re falling for your big brother’s best friend? 

Work Count: 6.3K 

You were angry. Of course Levi had to go and stir the pot right before the holiday season. The time of year when he spent the most of his hours at your home. Even though he spent most of his time at your house throughout the whole year, this amount of time typically doubled through the months of October through December. The remaining weeks in October were the worst. You both expertly avoided one another, Petra and Levi continued to see each other exclusively. This turned out to be bittersweet for you, the pros were that Levi was busy trying to please Petra to spend too much time at your house. But also it stung to see him with her, even though you had no right to feel jealous.

The two weeks after your kiss, you spent holed up in your room, your phone set on do not disturb. After binging Gossip Girls and all of the classic Disney movies, you finally decided that instead of focusing on romance, you would devote yourself to school. Thankfully you weren't the only person that favored school over social gatherings, you found yourself spending countless hours in the school's musty library with Armin. He was so easy to get along with, down to earth, kind, and most importantly, he was too shy to ask you about anything too personal. Today was one of those days, it was nearing the end of November, the trees had shed their leaves, bearing the naked bark. And the weather was constantly changing. Some days it would snow, others it would pour rain, but that was just the midwest for you. Glancing up from the textbook that had held your attention for the past two hours, your were pleased to see a flurry of fat snowflakes spiraling downwards. The window had frost creeping up from the corners, thank God, maybe the weather would finally settle and allow the snow to stick for once. You could feel Armin staring at you, his eyes piercing the back of your skull. a feeling you had become familiar with. Turning back to face him, he averted his eyes, a comforting pink creeping onto his cheeks with the embarrassment of being caught.

"It's really coming down huh?" you tried to initiate some light small talk.

"Yeah! Hopefully it will stick." Armin responded, a nervous chuckle slipping past his lips as he returned his attention back to his homework. You hummed, glancing back down at the yellowing pages of the old history textbook, a frown marring your features.

"What's wrong? Need some help?" Armin asked, standing up from his seat and coming to stand behind you.

"Oh, well I guess I'm just confused about this law." you pulled the response from your ass. Of course you understood Roe v. Wade, you just didn't want to tell Armin that you were ready to leave. He always made this face that reminded you of a puppy that just got drop kicked.

"Roe v. Wade huh? I can help you with that no problem!" his baby blue eyes lit up, he pulled the nearest chair up to the table, the legs loudly scratching against the rickety library floors.

"Great, thanks!" you tried to sound excited, and you tried even harder to focus on Armin's summary of Roe v. Wade.

"Easy right?" Armin chirped, his finger hovering over the paragraph that explained the law.

"You're right, I think that I just need a break. My brain feels fried." you moaned, folding your arms across the desk and burying your head in your arms.

"Likewise." Armin agreed, dragging his chair closer to yours not very subtly.

"Want to go grab a coffee?" you asked, barely lifting your head to glance at him.

"Sure." he beamed, his innocent face completely lighting up. Your library had a small coffee shop nestled in the back, the cafe was run by students who had free periods. Granted the coffee wasn't the best, but it still did the job. You thanked the girl behind the counter as she passed you your steaming cup of dark liquid. Armin was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he waited for his order, you busied yourself with mixing in sugar and some creamer. Finally the barista gave Armin his latte and the two of you meandered back to your corner. You slowly began packing your things, hoping that Armin would get the hint and you would be able to escape the stuffy library. Armin noticed, you closed the book with a sigh and began stuffing pens and other writing utensils into your small pencil case.

"Ready to call it a day?" Armin asked his lips hovering over the steaming hot coffee.

"Yeah, I told Hange that I would be ready to leave by the time she finished with Science Olympiad." you sighed, gathering the assortment of books that you had pulled from the shelves getting up to return them to their rightful places.

"Oh gotcha, same time Thursday?" He asked hopefully, his light blue eyes meeting yours. You clicked your tongue and grimaced, shooting him an apologetic look.

"Ah I would but my mom has Thursday off so I was going to have dinner with her." you explained, watching Armin get that kicked puppy look, that look always had a way of making your heart hurt.

"Aw well have fun!" he waved you off, the sad look on his face replaced with a small forced smile.

"Thanks Armin, I'll see you in Chem tomorrow." you smiled sweetly at him as you turned to leave.

"Bye!" he waved goodbye to you as you pulled the large door open and slipped out. Sparing a glance at your watch you sighed, Hange should be done in the next 5 minutes. But knowing her she would take another 20 minutes to wrap up her Science Olympiad meeting. So you leisurely strolled down the empty stone corridor, your eyes trained on the large windows that lined the hallway and overlooked the courtyard. The library was on the second floor, which gave you a perfect view of the school grounds. The snow seemed to be falling faster now, the flakes were beginning to stick to the blades of grass, giving the lawn a patchy appearance. Hopefully Hange had remembered her snow scraper, surely the car would have a coating of frost on the windows by now. It would not be the first time that the two of you had to scrape ice from her windows using your credit cards or your school ids.

You turned your attention back to the stony corridor, you had almost reached the stairs. You began your descent, a hand loosely gliding down the cold stone banister. Your mind drifted to thoughts of what Erwin's plans were for this evening, did he plan to eat dinner with you? Or would he run off with Hange as he had been doing for the past week or so? You had noticed that the pair had been spending more time alone as of late, and you couldn't blame them. Erwin was already committed to Notre Dame, a prestigious school known for football and extraordinary academics. Hange had recently been accepted into Princeton, one of the eight ivy league schools, and she was ecstatic. This however means that they will attending schools in different states. You knew that they planned to continue dating despite the distance, personally you were a tad skeptical of long distance relationships, but you knew that they were both mature enough to continue seeing each other.

You paused on the landing between floors, the sound of laughter was echoing off the stoney walls.

"That was a dirty move Kirstein!" you recognized Eren's agitated voice, which was closely followed by the hearty laughter of Conny and Marco.

"Pay closer attention next time Jeager." Jean teased, a smile spread across your lips at the sound of your friends. Their presence motivated you to jog down the remaining stairs and turn the corner. Just at you poked your head around the corner your eyes landed on the group of boys walking towards you.

"Oi (Y/n)! Where's Armin?" Eren called out to you first and you waved.

"Still in the library." you jabbed your thumb back towards the stairs behind you.

"Classic." Conny sniggered as he adjusted his duffle bag on his shoulder. You pursed your lips as you took in their uniforms. They wore soccer jerseys and shorts, a matching set of forest green, the school crest, a pair of wings one blue and one white, rested above their left breast over their hearts.

"Indoor soccer?" you asked, nodding towards the ball tucked under Marco's arm. The boy nodded and tossed you the ball.

"Season just started." he stated proudly, you easily caught the ball and smiled at him. Marco was your age, but you didn't usually spend time with him outside of school. The two of you had grown close the year prior when you had been in the same gym class, but since then you hadn't spoken very much.

"How exciting." you murmured as you gripped the ball in your hands. The boys nodded and you tossed the ball back to Marco.

"What are you doing here so late?" Jean asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Studying for the Government test with Armin." you shrugged, tucking your hands in your pockets. Things had been tense in your friend group since you and Jean had began casually seeing one another. The two of you had gone out on a handful of dates over the past month, all of them enjoyable. But you knew you didn't want a full blown relationship, something you still needed to tell Jean.

"Ah gotcha. So will you be coming to Sasha's friendsgiving party this weekend?" Jean inquired, his eyes shined with a glint of hope.

"Oh, I almost forgot about that! Yeah I'll be there." you smiled, a rush of excitement running through you when you remembered the invitation you had received earlier this week.

"What are you bringing?" Conny butted in, licking his lips. You hummed thoughtfully, what would you bring?

"Maybe macaroni and cheese? Or a pie?" You thought aloud as you lifted a hand to cup your chin. Conny groaned and grabbed your shoulder.

"Pie, please for the love of God bring your pie." he begged, his hand squeezing your shoulder. You giggled at this eagerness, and nodded. Pies were easy enough to bake, and if that's what people wanted then you would be more than happy to deliver.

"Thank you thank you thank you-" Conny shook you as he thanked you profusely, Eren snarled and tugged the two of you apart, while Marco and Jean laughed.

"Knock it off baldy." he hissed as he tossed Conny back. You chuckled and waved your hands dismissively.

"I'd better go, Hange should be done soon." you sighed, your eyes straying to the nearest window, you gasped. The snow was coming down in thick swirls, the sun had dipped below the horizon, making it difficult to see much through the snow.

"Oh wow, that's a lot of snow!" Marco exclaimed as he turned to follow your gaze. Jean let out a low whistle, Conny squealed excitedly.

"Yeah I better get going." you called over your shoulder as you made a break for the west wing, which was where the senior parking lot was located. The halls were dark, you only crossed paths with one janitor who didn't even glance up at you. You paused at the door at the end of the hallway and squinted out into the blizzard. The parking lot was dark, a clear indicator that Hange had not arrived to warm up the car before you.

"Ah there you are, perfect timing!" Hange's booming voice startled you as it echoed through the empty hall.

"Oh Hange, thank God, please tell me you have your scraper." you fretted, Hange grimaced, giving you an apologetic smile.

"Yeah about that..." she muttered, her hand rubbing the back of her neck. You groaned and reached into your backpack for your wallet. You fished out your drivers license and your credit card and turned back to the snowy parking lot.

"Better get started then." you grumbled, Hange laughed anxiously and moved to open the door for the both of you.

"Right."

___

You flexed your raw fingers by the vents as they blasted hot air into the cabin of the car. Hange was rubbing her hands together furiously and blowing hot air on her own frigid fingers.

"For the love of God, just keep the scraper in the car year round." you moaned as you slid your id back into your wallet.

"Might be a good idea actually." Hange stuttered between the chattering of her teeth. You huffed, tucking your hands underneath your thighs in an attempt to regain the feeling in your hands. Hange shifted the gear to drive and slowly pulled the car out of the parking lot, the wipers squeaking against the glass as they swiped the relentless snow off of the windshield.

"So, what do you want for dinner kiddo?" she gushed, her coppery eyes glinting mischievously.

"I dunno, something hot." you jabbed back, shifting on your hands.

"Whole gangs going to be there!" Hange prodded, clearly attempting to get a reaction from you.

"Great, who's cooking?" you taunted, shooting her a smile to show that you meant well.

"Oh well I guess Nanaba could." Hange mused, pleased with your good natured jabs.

"Great I'm starving." you leaned back and closed your eyes. Hange chuckled and turned her eyes back to the dark road ahead.

The drive took longer than usual due to the heavy snowfall. The roads were slick with the fresh snow, which stuck stubbornly to the road due to the lack of traffic on the country roads. But you made it to your house without a hitch. Erwin's minivan was already covered in a layer of snow, and Levi's BMW was untouched, Mike and Nanaba had not yet arrived. Hange parked and the two of you quickly gathered your belongings and walked briskly to the front door. You kicked your feet on the mat before entering, the foyer already a bit wet due to snow being tracked in on shoes. You peeled off your shoes with Hange and carried your things upstairs, Hange following close behind. Hange slipped into Erwin's room while you dropped your bag in your own room. You hadn't seen your brother or his short friend yet which was odd, they usually hung out in the kitchen. You met Hange back in the hall, her glasses, which had fogged up when you had entered the house were perched atop of her auburn hair.

"Where are they?" you asked bluntly as you watched her scrub the spectacles with the hem of her sweater.

"Beats me, let's go make some soup or something." Hange shrugged, holding her glasses up to the light to inspect the lenses. So you jogged down the stairs and began pawing through the pantry through the abundance of canned goods. You frowned at the cream of mushroom soup and set it back into the pile before refocusing.

"Heyyy now we're talking!" Hange crooned, you turned to see her pulling out a frozen pizza from the depths of your freezer. You scoffed before turning back to the pantry, a frown settling on your features.

"How about tomato soup and grilled cheese?" you offered as you pulled out two cans of tomato soup and a loaf of bread. Hange shrugged and tossed the pizza back into the freezer, she then opened the fridge and pulled out an assortment of cheese. The two of you fell into your effortless rhythm Hange stirred the soup while you began to cook the sandwiches. Finally the front door banged open, Levi's combat boots squeaking as he walked into the house, he haphazardly kicked off the shoes and stalked into the kitchen and straight into the living room. You raised your eyebrows in surprise as you watched him walk through the house, his arms full with kindling. Erwin followed closely behind, his arms also full of firewood. So that's where the pair had been. Hange fawned over them, greeting Erwin by dusting off bits of bark from his coat before turning to pat Levi's head. Levi swatted her sticky hands off of his head and glared at her menacingly.

"Hands off four eyes." Levi hissed, he ducked expertly underneath her arm and fled to the kitchen where you were flipping a grilled cheese. Erwin and Hange began the chore of lighting the fire while you took on the task of cooking as per usual. Levi frowned at the sight of the damp foyer and turned on his heel to grab the mop. You smiled at the sight of him mopping the floor despite the fact that people were still on their way and it would only end up messy again. Sure enough, just as Levi tossed the dirty water out of the front door and tucked the mop back in the closet, Mike and Nanaba strutted in, arms full of assorted baked goods and board games.

"Hey everybody! Hope we didn't miss anything!" Nanaba trilled as she tracked more snow into the front room. Levi heaved a sigh as he turned to grab the mop, you chuckled and took the container of cookies from her arms so she could take off her jacket. Mike nodded at you as he strolled into the living room where Hange and Erwin were still fumbling to light the fire wood.

"No, we actually only just got home about thirty minutes ago." you assured the blonde as she joined you in the kitchen. She smiled as she watched Mike kneel down to join Erwin and Hange as they blew on the small embers.

"What games did you guys bring?" you attempted to make small talk as you turned back to the task at hand.

"Oh the usuals, Sequence, Candy Land, Clue, etcetera." she waved a hand dismissively as she turned to stir the soup.

"Sounds fun!" you exclaimed as you tossed another sandwich on the plate. Nanaba hummed in response as she smiled stupidly into the soup. You pursed your lips and cocked your head as you studied her.

"Not to be that person but...Have you picked a school yet?" you asked with a small chuckle. She nodded,

"Yeah actually, just picked two days ago!" she beamed, turning to face you once more.

"Wow really?"

"Yeah! I'm going to attend Michigan State University with Mike!" she gushed as she set the spoon off to the side with a clang.

"That's great! Michigan is beautiful, and that's an awesome school." you matched her excitement and dumped the final sandwich on the plate and switched the stove off.

"Thanks! We're super excited." her words were so sweet and filled with love it made you feel sick. You nodded and turned to grab plates and bowls for everyone. Nanaba and Mike had only started dating about a month prior, in fact they had admitted their affections to one another back in October at your house. In a way you envied their effortless relationship, despite only dating for a month they made a great pair.  You served yourself and moved to sit at the island in the kitchen. A cheer from the living room told you that the trio had finally ignited the fire, shortly after they piled into the kitchen and began to dish food onto their plates. Levi once again stuffed the mop and bucket back into the closet and feverishly washed his hands before serving himself. As he reached for a grilled cheese the sleeve of his hoodie scrunched up, revealing a new tattoo on his left wrist. Your jaw dropped momentarily, the sight of the fresh ink shocking you. In fact it was so fresh that the skin around the ink was still red and a bit swollen, glistening with the salve. He rounded the island and dropped into the stool to your left, and your eyes went straight to his wrist.

"Fresh ink?" you asked, propping your chin on the heel of your hand as you watched him bring the spoon to his mouth.  

"Yeah." he replied, not bothering to elaborate.

"Can I see?" you pressed, Levi shot you a glare as he bit into his sandwich but still lifted his hand for you to pull his sleeve up. You gingerly tugged his sleeve up and a tiny 'awe' escaped your lips. The drawing was extremely minimalistic, the delicate black ink contrasting beautifully with his pale skin tone. It was a small tea cup, with a chip in its rim. Levi scoffed and tugged his arm back.

"That's a good one Levi." you gushed as you turned back to your own meal.

"Thanks." he grumbled as he looked everywhere but your face.

"Where do you get them done?" you asked before taking a huge bite of your sandwich.

"WitchHammer." he grunted, his patience growing thin. All of these questions reminded him of a particular brunette. You hummed in response as you entertained the idea of getting a tattoo for your 16th birthday that was coming up in the next couple of months. You already had an appointment at the shop to get your forward helix pierced on your left ear. The others were getting rowdy on the other side of the island, too engrossed in their conversation to notice the side conversation Levi and you were engaging in.

"Did it hurt?" you quizzed feeling a bit playful. You had missed Levi's bluntness and his shitty sense of humor.

"I would be lying if I said no." he retorted, his sharp eyes catching yours for the first time in weeks. You chuckled and nodded as you chewed your food.

"You think that I would look good with a couple tattoos?" you giggled, smiling broadly at the raven haired boy. He clicked his tongue and turned to take you in, his eyes raking over your form. Finally his eyes settled on your hands, his brows pinched together in thought as he stared.

"Personally...I like minimalistic designs, you could probably pull off some finger tats or hand tats." he mused, you glanced at your hands, interesting. You held your hands up to the light to get a better look and began to think of some small designs that you might be interested in.

"Tattoos are a big commitment, don't just get some stupid shit." Levi lectured as he lifted his cup of tea to his lips, you frowned he was one to talk.

"I know." you decided that tonight wasn't the time to argue with him, especially since this was the first time spending time together in weeks. He nodded but kept a skeptical eye on you as you folded your hands onto your lap and turned to listen to the other conversation. You frowned when you realized they were just talking about prom, awkward. So you decided to clean up, the exhaustion of the long day seemed to hit you like a truck and all you could think about was your bed and all of the work that was due on Sunday. You washed up quickly and waved weakly before trudging up the stairs, thankfully the others didn't seem to care that you were calling it a night early. You changed into a pair of flannel pjs and an old ACDC shirt that had seen better days. You sank into your old desk chair and flicked on the small lamp, you rummaged through your back pack and pulled out your laptop and a notebook. Sparing a glance at the small alarm clock you groaned, it was already well past nine o'clock.

You decided to pick up from where you had left off with your Government notes. Your handwriting started off neat, the ink gliding flawlessly across the lined paper. But by the time you had finished the notes and moved on to your chemistry homework, your handwriting had become rocky at best. You frowned at the smudged ink, the green hue bleeding into the once white paper. With a sigh you reached for your white out and continued to write out the reaction. Once you were finished with Chem, you turned your attention to your research paper for English. As you typed you could feel your eyelids drooping, the words seemed to blur and bend across the computer screen. Closing your eyes for a moment wouldn't hurt would it? A defeated sigh breezed past your lips as you folded your arms across the desk and rested your forehead against your arms to block out the blinding light of your lamp. You yawned and rubbed your eyes in an attempt to wake yourself up, though this seemed to be unsuccessful. As you slipped into sleep, you recalled the last time you had fallen asleep at your desk and how fucked up your back felt the following week. But your exhaustion won and your head slumped against your desk, any pain you felt would be a problem for future you.

Meanwhile, downstairs the upperclassman were well into their third bottle of wine and their fifth round of Candy Land. Erwin flicked the spinner and moved his piece accordingly, Levi sat back and sipped the dry red wine, Mike had his hand thrown over Nanaba's shoulders casually. Hange was leaning her head heavily against Erwin's shoulder and Levi swore he had never felt like such a loser in his whole life. If you were down here at least he wouldn't be the only person down here that was single. Hange howled as Erwin pushed his piece past hers, always the sore looser. Nanaba giggled drunkenly as she choked on her glass of wine. Levi rolled his eyes, his friends were past tipsy now, but not quite drunk, and this was usually when Levi would leave. He hated dealing with drunk people, they were messy and loud, the mere thought of any of them vomiting made him cringe. He waited until the spinner came around to him before he excused himself.

"Count me out." he held up his hand to deny the spinner as Mike tried to hand it to him.

"Awe come on Levi! We can't let Erwin win for the fifth time in a row!" Mike begged as Levi stood up and picked up his glass of wine.

"No." Levi denied, his voice growing colder. The group collectively called for him to stay, their voices a bit unsteady due to the alcohol. Levi shrugged them off and carefully stepped over Hange, she snagged his ankle and held him in a vice grip.

"No, don't go Levi! Finish this game please!" she whimpered as she pressed her face into his calf. His nose wrinkled in disgust at the sudden contact, Erwin chuckled and pulled Hange back and pressed a kiss to her temple. Yeah it was definitely time for him to go to bed, besides he needed to put some vaseline on his fresh ink. He slid into the upstairs bathroom, the sound of his friends laughing fading into the background. Tugging up his sleeve his hissed at the feeling of the raw skin coming in contact with the cold air. He pawed through the drawers, pausing at the sight of your feminine hygiene products. He usually used the downstairs restroom since the guest room was in the basement. He slammed the drawer shut and moved onto the next one, a relieved sigh escaping his lips at the sight of the familiar jar of vaseline. He swiped the jelly onto his tiny tea cup tattoo and rolled his sleeve back down, the soothing jelly immediately calming the irritated skin.

On his way out of the bathroom he noticed the small sliver of light that shined through your cracked door. He glanced down at his wrist watch and frowned, it was one thirty in the morning, you had supposedly gone to bed hours ago. He glanced down the stairs, from the bathroom he could see the open floor layout of the living room, where all of his friends were still gathered. He steeled himself and padded up to your door, he lifted his hand and rapped the backs of his knuckles against the surface. He frowned when there was no response, he gently pushed the door open and tentatively stepped inside. The room was dimly lit, the only light emitting from the small lamp on your desk. His eyes softened at the sight of you slumped onto your desk, but quickly hardened at the sight of drool dripping from the corner of your mouth. He sat his wine glass down as quietly as he could on your nightstand and raked his eyes around your cluttered room in search for a blanket. He spotted a quilt neatly folded on your window seat, he unfolded the blanket and draped it over your shoulders. Just as the blanket was settling on your shoulders and he was pulling his hands back, the door flew open. He jumped, spinning around only to be met with the sight of an unsteady Hange. The brunette's eyes widened at the sight of Levi's hand on the back of your seat.

"What..." her eyes narrowed and she pointed between the two of you.

"Is this?" she finished as she stepped into the room, her body swaying unsteadily. Good question, what was he doing in here?

"I came to shut off her light." Levi lied through his teeth, the truth was that he had wanted to spend more time in your presence.

"Lies." Hange hissed as she pointed accusingly at him.

"Tch, believe what you want four eyes." Levi grunted as he stalked across the room, meaning to make a quick get away before she drew too much attention to this fishy situation.

"Hey don't-" she lunged in an attempt to keep Levi from escaping, spilling her glass of wine onto the white carpet and onto Levi's crisp white hoodie. She caught herself on Levi, a drunk giggle bubbling past her lips as she clung to him. Levi staggered under her weight, his back hitting your wall with a dull thud. You grunted, slowly lifting your head from the desk you turned around to see Levi seething under Hange's weight as she pressed against him. Your eyes widened at the sight, Levi was trying to grab the glass from her hand to prevent further spillage, you were so distracted by the rare sight of Levi and Hange in such close proximity that you didn't notice the quilt falling off your shoulders. You blinked dumbly at the two of them as they grappled for the wine glass, Levi ultimately winning due to Hange's drunken state.

"Levi was peeping on you while you slept." Hange blurted, Levi slammed his hand over her mouth and snarled. You weren't surprised when Levis pulled his hand back with a small gasp, you could just make out the sheen of what you assumed was Hange's drool over his palm. The brunette cackled and staggered away from him and out of the room.

"I'm going to tell Erwin." she sang as she stumbled through the hall with her hand on the wall to guide her.

"Hange don't, it's okay really." you called after her, but your words fell on deaf ears as she rounded the stairs and disappeared.

"Damn it." Levi hissed, his eyes trained on the stain on the ground, he pulled the sweat shirt off of his skin, the alcohol sticking to his skin. You cleared your throat awkwardly as Levi pulled the sweatshirt off. You glanced at the stairs, no sign of Hange and Erwin yet, you could hear the sound of the group stumbling around the kitchen. Hopefully Hange had forgotten and favored grabbing another drink over causing trouble, so you stood up and crossed your room to quietly shut the door. Levi had his head against the wall, his eyes closed expecting an onslaught of accusations. Instead he was surprised to see you digging through your closet, pulling out one of your larger sweatshirts you tossed it to him. He caught the garment and eyed is suspiciously before tugging it over his head.

"Thanks." he mumbled, you waved him off and crossed your room to sit down on your bed.

"What's up?" you questioned, it was certainly out of character for him to be in your room. Levi shrugged and slowly crossed the room to drop down onto your bed next to you.

"Your light was on and I came in to shut it off." Levi replied nonchalantly, his eyes dull as he watched you slip under your covers. A chill ran up your spine, your room always got cold in the winter due to the large windows. After a moment of awkward silence you patted the space beside you, Levi quirked a brow at you but when you smiled at him he slid closer to you. He settled against the headboard with a sigh, you looked up at him, taking in the sharp lines of his jaw and the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. He turned and raised a brow skeptically at you, you giggled and turned to slip deeper under your covers. He scoffed but turned to face you, propping himself up on his elbow. From this close proximity you could smell the wine on his breath, you noticed that his  pupils were dilated, and his cheeks flushed.

"Thanks...I guess." you muttered as you watched him reach into his pockets and pull out his juul and take a hit. You frowned as he turned his head away from you to exhale, he sighed contentedly and turned to face you once more.

"You're going to get me in trouble." you scoffed as he attempted to offer you the juul.

"You only live once." he smirked as he dangled the device in your face. You gently pushed his hand away from your face, he shrugged and took another drag.

"Are you sleeping over?" you questioned, he simply nodded and pocketed his juul.

"It's like three in the morning." he scoffed rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Oh, I guess..." you trailed off, the house had grown quiet, hopefully Hange had been dragged to bed by Erwin and had long forgotten about snitching on Levi. You weren't sure what Levi was still doing in your bed, you knew that he wouldn't force himself on you, but still he had never spend this much time alone with you since the time you had kissed. Just as you were about to ask him why he was still in your room, you heard the sound of the front door opening and then quickly closing. Your mother was home, you shoved Levi's shoulder and motioned for him to get out of your bed, a surge of panic rushing through you. Your mom would kill you if she saw Levi in your bed this late. Levi grunted and rolled off the bed, landing heavily on the ground with a thud. You winced and pointed at the door, Levi opened his mouth to say something but ultimately turned and stalked towards the door. When he opened the door, he was met with the tired face of your mother. Her eyes widened at the unexpected sight of Levi.

"Oh, Levi.." she managed to keep her voice even as she took in his appearance, his hair a bit mussed, cheeks pink and wearing your clothes.

"It's not what it looks like mom!" you scrambled out of bed and pushed Levi away from the doorway so that you could address your mother.

"Really..." she narrowed her eyes skeptically as her eyes roamed over your pajamas and messy hair. You grimaced but nodded, she glared at you and heaved a heavy sigh, turning her attention to Levi.

"So your uncle told me that you wouldn't be coming to Christmas this year?" she swiftly changed the subject. Levi blinked, shocked that she had chosen to ignore the suspicious state she had found the two of you in.

"Y-Yeah that's true, I finally saved enough to visit my old friends in France for the holidays." he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Is that so?" she hummed, leaning against the door frame and tugging her light jacket closer to her body. Levi nodded and spared you a glance, you looked surprised, but not upset.

"Well that sounds amazing, you'll have to send us a postcard." she mused, Levi nodded and shifted awkwardly.

"Yes ma'm." he responded, your mother nodded pleased with his response.

"How long will you be gone for?" she probed.

"Until January 8th." Levi answered.

"That's a long time." you quipped, Levi glanced at you and nodded.

"How exciting." your mother's response was genuine, she stepped aside allowing him to pass.

"Yeah." he muttered as he slid past and made his way towards the stairs. Once he was out of sight your mother turned to you, her usually soft features pinching into a scowl.

"Explain." she snapped, pointing a finger at the sizable wine stain.

"Hange spilled it, I'll clean it in the morning." you sighed as you eyed the large purple spot.

"Alright, just make sure that it gets cleaned." your mother leaned forward and kissed your forehead. You smiled at her, it was unusual that you got to see her after her shift.

"How was work?" you asked as you eyed her scrubs, noting a mystery stain on her shirt.

"Messy." she sighed as she followed your gaze.

"Did you save lots of lives?" you giggled.

"Of course." your mother jabbed.

"Get some sleep (Y/n)." she hummed, her hand burying into your messy hair to ruffle it affectionately.

"Goodnight mom." you called after her as she descended the staircase, she waved her hand and you slowly shut the door.

[feralnumberfive]

I expect no one to read this at all. It’s more of a way to get some feelings off of my chest. This is a look into my personal life and what I went through in 2020. I cried quite a bit while writing this, haha.

My farewell letter to 2020:

To you 2020, the year that shook the world. You’re certainly one to go down in the record books. You changed my life as you did to everyone. To you, the month of March. I had hit the lowest part in my life since the shock of my parent's divorce 11 years ago. My beloved cat had died in October of 2019, a few days short of our one year anniversary of fostering him, which soon turned into us adopting him. It was sudden and unexpected. I still can remember clear as day that horrid call I got from my sister from the vet. “Hey, we need you to come up here. It’s kidney failure.” As she spoke through her tears, I instantly began to cry. I had felt sad for months after that. 

In December of 2019, the adoptive dad of one of my closest friends committed suicide. She was torn apart, having had three people she knew died earlier that year. I stood by her side and watched her cry. We colored together in the counseling room, making small talk and doing anything I could to comfort her. 

From late February into March, another one of my closest friends revealed to me a traumatic experience she went through. She had been raped by a classmate of mine, one who I considered to be good acquaintances. She was a grade younger than me, and was practically completely dependent on me and my friend, as she was too scared to tell her parents. She eventually completely relied on my friend as I became shoved out of the problem. Her story and the amount of support required from her, which she never gave back to me throughout our friendship, made me realize at that moment I had hit rock bottom. I was tired and so sick of it all. This sentence that I'm about to say is one I've never admitted to anyone: I didn't want to be around anymore, or at least alive. I needed somewhere to escape. I didn't want to commit suicide due to expectations I held upon myself. I was also too scared to commit suicide. 

I finally admitted I needed help, which was scary for me to do. In March of you, 2020, I was diagnosed with situational depression. I was soon put on an anti-depressant. It felt good to put a name on it, but little did I know I would pay the price for my relief. Preparing to go off to college, I needed to get a First Class Medical Certificate in order to apply to the flight program at the colloege I wanted to go to. I went and got my FAA Medical Certificate done, ticking off the boxes on my journey to fulfill my life long dream of becoming a pilot. 

Spring Break came and after watching schools around me close, it was announced that we wouldn't be returning until mid April, and then the end of April, then until May. I quickly realized it wasn't possible to return and that unbeknownst to me I had already spent the last days of my Senior year at school in March. A frantic question was suddenly formed amongst my classmates and soon the world: Will the class of 2020 graduate? I, being burnt out, didn't care what would happen to me or my class. We soon became a laughing stock and a sight to pity around the world. Class of 2020, Corona Class, The Class that would be telling this story to their kids. It didn't matter to me. As I held up the “Class of 2020″ shirt my uncle got me with the zeros as tp rolls, I sighed. I just wanted to graduate without getting laughed at. Spoiler Alert: That didn't happen. 

Around this time I ended my friendship with the girl who I cherished but didn't cherish me back. I still to this day can’t exactly understand why I did that. I blocked her and left without saying goodbye. That wasn’t the right thing to do at all. She had been raped and needed support, but here I was leaving her. She always needed and wanted my support but never gave it back. It was always “Aw you have a problem? Here, let’s try this minimal effort plan to help you. That didn’t work? Oh well, let’s get back to me.” This is no excuse at all for my actions of cutting her off. I really still don’t know why I did this. I had hung out with her everyday in the summer of 2019. Here I was, easily letting her go. Jackie, I’m so sorry. I hope you are doing well and get into ISU to follow your dreams of being an engineer. 

In May I received news that still hurts and effects me to this day. I had been denied my Medical Certificate. It wasn't due to me being on an antidepressant, is was due to the fact that I was depressed. This was soul crushing news, but there was still a chance I could reapply for the Medical Certificate if I jumped through multiple hoops. May also provided the announcement that my safe haven in Oshkosh, Wisconsin wouldn't be happening this year. It was definitely understandable due to the virus, but still very saddening to me. It’s really the only thing I look forward to each year, but I understood and agreed on why it was canceled for 2020.

In June I got the news that a beloved teacher of my family and I passed away due to a heart attack and complications of Addison’s Disease. She was the best math teacher I had ever had, and the best in my High School. Math is my worst subject, but she never made me feel stupid like the other math teachers. She always made sure I understood what I was doing. Sometimes when she didn’t feel like having class she would have a free day. She would gossip with my classmates and tell us stories of her youth. Sometimes though she would give us free days due to having intense migraines that sometimes hospitalized her due to her disease. It wasn’t fun to see her like that. 

In June she was hospitalized where even her husband and two kids weren’t allowed in to see her. The only person allowed into her before she died was her twin brother. The family decided to have a public funeral, with tons of people in the community and school district socially distancing and wearing masks to pay their respect. I began to cry as I listened to her husband tell everyone that he wasn't ready and was so scared to be a single parent. Their children were both under ten, and were now motherless. Mrs. Johnson it was so hard saying goodbye to you. I loved you so much, and I still do. You gave my friend who had lost her dad food and comfort. You did so much not only for my family and I, but for everyone in the community and school district. I miss you so much. 

Hot days came with hazy skies. Everyday I checked the wildfire smoke map as I watched the sun turn bright pink as the sun became a blazing red when the sun went down. For weeks our sky looked hazy. Some days looked cloudy, but it was actually smoke. As someone who lives the Midwest, this was quite surprising. 

In August I experienced something that will forever be remembered by me and everyone who lives in my state. A Derecho tore through and ravaged my hometown and the state that I dearly love. We watched through the window as trees snapped in half and branches and leaves whirled around everywhere. We watched through the window as water roared down the road, appearing as if a stream had started right next to us. We watched in fear as shingles were torn off and large items were blown through our yard. As the electricity flickered out, we wondered if we would be crushed by either tree that were on two sides of our house. Wet leaves were torn apart and slammed into our window, where they stayed there for a month afterwards. They looked like confetti, torn into thousands of tiny pieces. 

To the branches and trees I still see today in the neighboring towns and cities, broken reminders of the damage done. To you, the metal grain bins that still sit out in the flattened cornfields. Our once tall and proud cornfields that are a proud symbol of my state were now flattened to the ground, completely parallel to the rich farming soil that it stood in. Painting the countryside in flat waves of green with splotches of silver from grain bins and white from barns and houses damaged. Our proud stalks became damaged goods that costed us billions. To the buildings that still show their battle scars from months ago, the houses with the tarps on their roofs and the old wooden barns that couldn't handle the 140 mph. To you, Donald J, Trump, the President of the United States who was supposed to tour Cedar Rapids to exam the damage that still lies there today. You stayed in the airport and immediately left after getting your business done. You didn't care about us, you were there to do business and leave to start your campaigning.

My small town was able to clean up within a month or so, but even still TODAY the bigger cities are littered with damage. There are tree trunks and branches scattered along roads. Thousands of houses still have tarps on their houses and siding missing. 

In August my grandma was also diagnosed with Dementia. I've watched her deteriorate over the past few months. Every time we call she forgets that I’m not in school. Sometimes she forgets my name. When we tell her we’re on our way to visit outside her window, she forgets within 10 minutes. Grandma, I hope you never forget that I love you.

In September I finally met with a therapist. I am so thankful to be working with her. After months of my family getting angry and upset at me for being scared to go to the store, my therapist diagnosed me with Social Anxiety. I was so relieved to be diagnosed with it and to be working out the issues I have with my therapist. We work together weekly to help me become a better and more comfortable version of myself. 

Over the summer months the health of my already diseased cat took a steep decline. She was my cat, and I felt powerless as I slowly watched her die. She could no longer stay inside due to her having constant accidents. As we made our plan to take her to the vet to give her a peaceful death, I received a heartbreaking call from my mother on a cold September night. My little Jill had passed away in her sleep on our porch. I came over to say goodbye to my baby as I pet her cold fur one last time. I love you my little Jilly Bean and I miss you everyday. I miss and love you so so so much. 

September also brought the news that a precious B-25 had a crash landing. It always hurts to hear about a Warbird crashing or getting damaged. I was happy to hear though that they were going to fix it back to airworthiness.

In October I had to make a difficult decision with the FAA. Do I try to visit four different doctors for phycological examinations in order to complete my Medical Certificate or do I wait to get off my medicine and start feeling better on my own? I opted for the second part due to the decline of visiting all of those doctors coming up in November. We had been given that option early in the year, but Covid prevented us from traveling out of state to see those doctors. I sent a letter to the FAA to let them know what I was doing. I received a letter about a month ago that stated that I still needed to visit those doctors or something like that. I honestly didn’t look through it that well because it’s just such a pain in the butt.

Another thing about you 2020 is that you provided me with he opportunity to meet amazing people. I began to watch The Umbrella Academy in September, but I decided to make my account on October 1st. I’ve met tons of funny and talented people on here. The show itself had provided me tons of comfort. It has given me the courage to start writing fanfiction for it along with starting back up on drawing fanart

The end of 2020 has slowed down for me. One of my aviation heroes died this year, Mr. Chuck Yeager. It was heartbreaking for me to hear that. One of the worst days for me was ironically on my birthday in December. I felt really bitter and down and just wanted to sit in my room, but I didn’t. I don’t like celebrating my birthday anymore. As I get older it feels less and less special and in turn I feel sad about it. Another reason why is that I don’t like having a fuss made about it. I don’t like the attention from it haha. It’s okay though because even though this year I felt upset I eventually felt a bit happier as it turned to night. 

This year I witnessed history being made. Let me be clear that history is made every year, but this year was very eventful. I witnessed innocent black lives being slaughtered by the very people who are sworn to protect everyone. It’s so disappointing and soul crushing to see all of this. I don’t know if I’ve made it clear on here, but I strongly stand with the BLM movement. I may not understand what they haven been going through for decades, but I stand with them to make things right. Black Lives Matter, not All Lives. All Lives only matter when it’s actually true and Black Lives are included. If you saw a house on fire in an entire block of houses, you wouldn’t say “All Houses Matter!” No they don’t, that house on fire matters. Black Lives Fucking Matter, and All Cops Are Bastards.

To you, the Pledge of Allegiance. Everyday in elementary school I proudly held my right hand over my heart as I stared up at Old Glory and recited you. This year helped me realize that “With liberty and justice for all.” is total bullshit. The only thing I truly appreciate about my country now is the scenery and nature it provides. 

To you 2020, as I finish writing this letter on December 31st. You’ve made me cry a lot, including right now. You’ve deeply effected my life and brought me lots of sorrow. Despite all of this, I don't feel upset about you. Yes, you gave me some events that will always haunt me but that’s okay. 2020 even though you’ve hurt me, you’ve also shaped me. Yes, you also made my lose faith in my country and humanity, but I can only hope for the best. You’ve pushed me to become a better version of myself. 

So to you 2020, you’ve been a hell of a year. I’ve hated and loved you, but mostly hated you. I went through some shit, but others have gone through worse this year. To those of you who have had a very hard time this year, I love you. I sincerely hope things get better for you. Friend or stranger, you can always rely on me as someone to talk to, to rant or vent to, and to cry to. This year was excruciating, but don’t give up. It has ended and a new year has begun. Sure 2021 may also be bad and we’re all exhausted from 2020, but let’s fight till the end. 

[fanficsandfluff]

Emotions Get the Better (3)

So, writing these reader insert fics is hard for one reason: POV. I don’t want to make the writing look sloppy by constantly switching over POVs, but there are so many times where I wanna express Arthur’s thoughts as opposed to the reader’s. So I tried it out in this part. Please let me know if it was too confusing or hard to understand. 

~~~~

You dealt with your boss when you got home that night you dropped Arthur off at his home. He knew you were a loyal employee so he wasn’t overly upset. So you made sure to get to work early the next few days just to make it up to him. On your walk from the train to the theater, there was no sign of Arthur. You hoped he was healing and resting. Still, you couldn’t help but look down the alley where you found him last time, just in case. 

Finally, it was a Thursday night. You didn’t have work all day. You and some friends were meeting up for dinner and then you planned on going over to Pogo’s comedy club downtown; well, more downtown than where you lived. The comedians there were usually pretty funny, especially after you’ve had a few drinks. 

After a pretty fatty and delicious dinner, you and two other girlfriends made your way to Pogo’s. The first comedian of the night was halfway through his act and you all were seated at a table by the bar. You ordered all your friends a round of tequila shots to start off. 

One of your friends was finishing up a story that was way funnier than anything the comedian was saying at the moment, so the three of you laughed uproariously, enough to turn some audience members’ heads. 

Arthur had been watching the stand-up in relative silence, since the crowd around him was dull and wasn’t fueling any real reaction from him. Then there was a sudden burst of laughter from behind him that apparently not only didn’t make sense to him but to many people around him as heads turned. He sought for the source of the laughter and his eyes landed on a table of a group of three women. Even in the dim light, he recognized a face at the table. He hardly had to think before he stood up and approached the table. 

As your giggles died down, someone approached the table and stood right in front of you, blocking any view of the comedian struggling to get through his set on stage. You looked up in the dimly lit area of the club and saw a man, smiling face looking directly at you.

“Hi, Y/N,” he said your name. 

You studied him for an extra second, and you gasped the minute you figured it out, “Arthur?”

“Yeahah,” he chuckled, happy you remembered him.

“Hi! Nice to see your real face,” you smiled at him. 

“Well, you said we have to stop meeting when I’m dressed up, so I guess I delivered.”

You nodded, still smiling, the booze in you already making images slightly fuzzy, “Mmhm. You did. Oh, these are my friends, Emma and Sam. Do you wanna sit with us, or--?”

“No. No, I have my own table. I just wanted to say hi,” Arthur said. 

He wanted to say she looked beautiful, but those bold words were far from his tongue at this moment in time. He could only think it.

“Well, thanks for saying hi,” you said, giving him a wave as he returned to his table. Once he was safely seated at his table towards the stage, you turned to your friends, “So, that was the guy I told you about. The clown.”

“Jesus Christ! That was him?”

“Kinda cliché for a clown to go to a comedy club, no? You think he’s stealing material for himself?”

You rolled your eyes and watched as the first comedian of the night stepped off the stage and handed it off to the next, “You never know. I mean, he told me he was a comedian.”

“So I was right. He’s borrowing jokes for his own act.”

You sipped at your martini and immediately laughed at the new comedian’s first joke. He was already a much better presence than the first guy, and the whole audience could agree. 

This guy was really on fire. Joke after joke he was having the crowd roaring. A few minutes into his set, in the lull between setup and punchline, there was an extremely high-pitched yowl of a cackle. It came from in front of you. 

You couldn’t identify where the sound came from until the next joke. Same thing happened. Silence and then that laugh. You saw Arthur and your eyes were now drawn to him. 

You could see he was scribbling into a notebook in front of him. Hm, you guessed Sam was right about the taking jokes part. And when he looked up, he wasn’t so much focused in on the comedian as he was nervously glancing around at the people around him. It was like he was waiting for their reactions to the jokes. And then he laughed. You were completely fascinated by this behavior by this point that the comedian’s jokes were basically drowned out by your own laser focus on when Arthur would choose to laugh. Was he making a statement of his own by not laughing at the right parts? You could only wonder. 

“So, I took my car into the shop the other day...”

Laugh.

“There was this mean looking guy, I’m talking mean...”

Laugh.

“And when we opened the window...”

Laugh.

You snorted at that last one. The more you focused on Arthur laughing, the more it was dawning on you how out of place they were, making them all the more funny. Then again, it could’ve also just been the alcohol. But shit, you were surprised no one else had started to laugh along with Arthur, I mean, his laugh was so contagious. 

“We’re road tripping all over the midwest, you know? South Dakota, Oklahoma...”

Laugh.

And this time, you laughed a half second after Arthur’s laugh pierced the silence. It was just too funny to you. The guy had a great laugh. And thinking of the punchline as being “Oklahoma” made it all the more random and funny to you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” your friend asked you, looking at you like you were crazy.

“Wahahait, wait, you gotta listen to him,” you pointed at the out-of-makeup clown, “It’s the funniest shit I’ve experienced in a long time.”

The next joke was delivered in full, but Arthur didn’t laugh. He was busy writing. But the next one he was right back in the swing of things. 

You waited for your friends’ reaction as you found yourself laughing again. And even after the next one, you were holding your stomach, your laugh coming out in wheezes by this point. You were starting to feel lightheaded.

“You belong with him, you know that?” your other friend rolled her eyes, grinning at her own joke. 

Arthur was focused on what made his jokes so funny. This wasn’t a new struggle for him, but here he was again, trying his hardest. But what was different about this outing to Pogo’s than any other was that he was actually hearing someone laugh when he laughed. He slowly turned in his seat to see who is maybe on his side, who feels as disconnected as he does. To his surprise, and pleasure, it was Y/N. He smiled brightly, seeing her laughing to herself at this point, her friends shoving her and telling her to shut up. It was all somehow very charming. Best of all, Arthur could tell she had a fantastic laugh. 

The night went on, and your friends decided for you that you had enough to drink, even though you knew you could pack away a few more. You eventually settled to be boring and normal like everyone else and laugh at the right punchlines. Still, your eyes flicked to Arthur when he’d get a joke that no one else on the planet would’ve understood. 

The last act of the night finished up and audience members started to clear out of the comedy club. You yawned and stood, stretching. You threw your coat over your shoulders and walked out with your friends, bidding goodbye to them right outside the club since you all lived in different directions and had to split up. 

You remained at the corner, inhaling the chill Gotham night air. The club was feeling a bit stuffy to you, so you wanted to enjoy the ‘fresh’ air before heading into another stuffy subway car, sure to smell of piss and burnt rubber. 

“Did you like the show?”

You were startled for a second, not expecting a voice to speak that close to you. You looked Arthur in the eyes and smiled, “Yeah, I had a great night. Partly because of you.”

“I heard you,” he smiled back at you, seeming giddy to the point of bursting.

You blushed but still grinned, trying to keep some dignity, “I don’t doubt it, I’ve always had an obnoxious laugh. A lot of things about me are actually obnoxious--”

“I don’t think obnoxious is the right word. You sounded truly happy.”

You nodded, “Well, I was. When I’m a little happy, I’m usually all the way happy. When I’m a little sad, I’m all the way sad. Does that make sense?”

Arthur tilted his head, his eyes seemed to be scanning your whole face, “It kinda does, yeah.”

You pulled your coat tighter around yourself. You shared a silence together before you snorted in thought, “Can I ask you why you were laughing like that? At the parts that weren’t the punchline?” you asked with genuine curiosity, really wanting to know the answer.

Arthur paused and his face fell. He didn’t know how to explain himself. You could tell he didn’t want to answer that, so you let it go.

“Well, I’m gonna start heading home. It was--”

“Do you want to get something to eat?” he asked. 

“That’s... That’s a nice offer, but I actually had dinner already and the drinks I’ve had probably mean I should turn in for the night.”

“We can just go for coffee or a donut,” Arthur pressed more. You just noticed he was holding that notebook he was writing in, as he squeezed it in his hands. You looked into his eyes and you had to admit there was something in them that was very welcoming. Maybe that’s what kept you interested in him. 

“Sure. I can do that,” you said to him and you saw his face light up in relief and happiness. 

“I know a place,” he said and started to cross the street. 

And you followed him and his surprisingly quick yet languid pace. Coffee with a clown. That could be the title of your memoir, you thought. You grinned to yourself and kept up with Arthur. 

[midwestmontessori]

Goodbye Midwest Montessori, Hello Montessori Like a Mother

You heard that right, Midwest Montessori is coming to an end. If you’re finding this post, perhaps you’ve followed along with my intermittent ramblings over the years, or perhaps I’ve remained an obscurity and you have no idea who I am. Either way, allow me to explain. (For those looking for the new website link without the fluff: Montessori Like a Mother)

Hi. I’m Amy. I’m a Montessori mom of two children, Charlotte (born 2013) and Simon (born 2015). I found Montessori when I was pregnant with Charlotte and completely immersed myself in it. Along with my husband James, we have raised both of our children with Montessori principles from birth. Of course there’s always a learning curve and we’ve changed things along the way, but we’ve more or less been a Montessori family from the start. 

I started this blog as a way to share our Montessori life with all of you. I joined an online Montessori community on Facebook called Montessori 101 and I fell in love with sharing and being inspired by other families along the same journey. Midwest Montessori gave me space to share our Montessori life and perspective and I’m so thankful for the community I’ve connected with over the years, both on Facebook as well as on Instagram. 

But my Montessori journey didn’t stop at being a Montessori parent. I loved it so incredibly much that I shifted my career path, little by little, until eventually Montessori took over completely (it has a way of doing that with people sometimes). First I shifted from high school education to early childhood and elementary. When that wasn’t enough of a change, I decided to take the leap and get Montessori teacher certification specifically. It has been a long, difficult journey, particularly for my AMAZING and supportive husband and children, but I DID IT! 

In 2018, I graduated with my bachelors degree in Early Childhood and Elementary Education, completed my Montessori Primary Diploma program from Association Montessori Internationale, turned the big 3-0, and, though I’m not quite sure how, jumped aboard a HUGE project of creating an AMI Montessori 3-6 program from scratch! 

That’s right, I single-handedly curated a brand new Montessori program - all the materials, all the furniture, all the classroom procedures and curriculum and whatnot - all while finishing two degrees, one of which was in another state! I’m certainly not saying this to brag, but man I was POOPED! My husband and children deserve medals for their patience and support during that time. I was out of the state for weeks at a time, over a two year period totaling nearly 6 months, and when I was home I was working my rear-end off student teaching, taking both day and night classes, and in the last year I spent most of my free time working on building a brand new school.

What I had dreamed would be an amazing new chapter in our families life, one where I was a lead guide in a local Montessori school start-up and my children attendees, proved to be too much for our little family. While my time in that magical school of mine remains near and dear to my heart, after over two years of total chaos, I stepped out of the classroom in order to dedicate myself to my family again, to focus on my roles as mother and wife.

What came next was even crazier than before! My husband got an opportunity for a new job in St. Louis - far from our lifetime home in Kansas. It happened so fast, within two months of finding the job we were moved. The past year has been a whirlwind of new school, new home, new city, new friends, new commutes, new jobs, new everything. It hasn’t been easy, but slowly we are finding a new normal - a new, more stable normal, which is just what we all have needed.

The next part is something that I’ve dreamed about for years. I’ve dreamt about it, thought about it, talked about it, and talked about it some more. Everyone I’ve met along this journey - my college professors, my Montessori trainers, my family, my friends, my classmates, my colleagues, my acquaintances - they’ve all heard me talk an earful about my dreams for the future of Montessori Parenting. 

See, I believe Montessori is a way of living. It isn’t just something we find in specialized classrooms and private schools. It isn’t something we find merely in Dr. Montessori’s curriculum, or our precious teaching albums. No, Montessori is so, so much more than that. It is about supporting the growth and development of the child. And who better to support that than the child’s own family - his own parents? Montessori families will change the world, I just know it. I believe it. 

And I care so deeply to bring this beautiful, wonderful way of life to as many as desire to know it - not just from my own personal family’s experience but from an empowered place that goes beyond me or my family. I want to help families learn how to “Montessori like a Mother,” that is, to “do Montessori at home with their family in the way that any mother does, with her heart and soul and perhaps a bit of sass, if you’re anything like me. 

Together, we can make the world a better place, through the work we do in our own homes, with our own families, and within ourselves. Dr. Montessori had it right when she said that the hope and promise of mankind was in the hands of the child. And whose hands are there holding that child? Ours. It is us parents of the world, or those of us who stand in as a parent for a child in whatever form that may be - biological parent, step-parent, foster-parent, adoptive-parent, guardian, grandparent, aunt, uncle, caregiver, nanny, day-care provider, teacher, neighbor, coach, counselor, leader. Parenting, or mothering, isn’t something reserved for mothers. We are all mothers. And may we all Montessori Like a Mother.

And so I announce my new website, where I will be writing and sharing empowering and encouraging messages for Montessori parents of all kinds. Montessori Like a Mother is launching soon. Visit the website now to get on the email list to be the first to see the new site. I’m working hard during this global pandemic situation to build a place where parents can feel uplifted, empowered, and supported in their parenting journey. I hope you’ll follow along with me. Thank you for your support.

For the record, Charlotte & Simon will still be seen here and there on the new website, as well as in my Instagram stories and perhaps an occasional post, as they choose to be featured (and James too). They are and always will be my greatest source of joy and my top priority, which also includes their privacy preferences as they age. I appreciate their support so very much.

[thebachelordiaries]

My Late ASF Recap of Some Early Episodes of ‘The Bachelorette’

What’s up, everyone? I’m at jury duty with some time to kill, so I thought this would be the best time to catch up on my Bachelorette recaps. Don’t feel sorry for me. If I had it my way, Casey Anthony would’ve been found guilty, Luke P. would need to go on trial for gaslighting women, and Ashley I. and Jared would be indefinitely banned from appearing on any Bachelor franchise show. Don’t thank me; I’m just a normal person who wants to make the world a fair and better place.

Ashley I. and Jared are the people five years removed from high school who still show up to the parties. Go home.

What even happened on Episodes 2, 3 and 4? 

I just had to check and make sure there’s been four episodes already. I swear the premiere happened last week. It’s a similar feeling to being 23 and then waking up one day and realizing you’re 28. Time flies when you’re not doing anything with your life. 

I don’t know a lot of things, but...

...Here’s What I Do Know About This Season

I have no idea why Tyler G left. This normal-ass dude with the jawline of a demigod and the personality of a barren midwest field got the first 1-on-1 date with Hannah. The only remarkable thing about it was we realized just how dirty the cast photo photographer did him.

This striking individual is allegedly the same person as this thumb-of-a-man below:

I don’t wish unemployment on anyone, but I hope the photographer who took this picture received a very fair severance package.

By episode four, Tyler G. was quietly sent home with no explanation. Obviously he was accused of something and ABC didn’t want that burden on their back, especially after they casted a SEX OFFENDER on Becca’s season, so he, and his Ian Somerhalder-esque jawline were sent back to wherever they came from.

Goodbye, Tyler G. We hardly knew ye. In the future don’t (allegedly) spit in any girl’s face. You might get kicked off a reality TV show one day.

Luke P. (the “P” stands for PLEASE LET’S STOP GIVING HIM ATTENTION)

I get that he’s the “villain” of this season, but hear me out.

Luke P. isn’t that bad. (Narrator: He really is that bad. Just wait)

Sure, he exudes so much confidence that it makes me roll my eyes into the back of my head, but I kind of respect it. (Narrator: She doesn’t respect it anymore)

I know people are saying he was “love bombing” Hannah on night 1 in order to get the first impression rose, but I just want to make it clear that it doesn’t make him an abusive person just because he flooded her with affection, and people shouldn’t label him a possible abuser because of that single instance. It’s not like he (allegedly) spat in his girlfriend’s face. (Narrator: Gaslighting is abusive behavior)

(Narrator: This paragraph somewhat defending Luke P. has beed removed due to bad judgement. Luke P. actually does suck. A lot.)

Every season there’s a little punk who has no chance at staying on the show with their connection with The Bachelorette alone, so they decide to spark a feud with the guy getting the most camera time. First there was Chad and Evan. Then there was Jordan and David. Now There’s Luke P. and Luke S.

Luke P. and I make the same face whenever Luke S. opens his mouth.

And I get it. I, too, have a secret hatred for every person with the same name as me, but Luke S. annoys me so much that I’m starting to feel bad for Luke P. (Narrator: She doesn’t feel bad anymore)

Maybe I’m wrong and Luke P. really is the worst. (Narrator: He is) 

Maybe he really is being a douche canoe off camera and deserves to be ganged up on by the other guys. (Narrator: He is)

I don’t have the answers. (Narrator: You soon will)

I’m just saying I hate Luke S. more. (Narrator: This is no longer true. Luke S. is still annoying though)

MIKE FOR BACHELOR

I honestly don’t care if you don’t like Mike. Nobody asked you. 

I see so much Bachelor potential in him, and I really think (with the right edit, COUGH, COUGH, ABC) he could become our first black Bachelor.

That smile. That damn smile.

I don’t care if you love Pilot Pete, Tyler C., Jedd, or whoever else the frontrunners are right now. If any of them get the gig over Mike, I’m strongly considering protesting in the streets. I’m fairly confident, with the power of Bachelor Twitter fandom, that we can make the #MikeForBachelor movement happen.

My only concern is that Mike seems like he is getting mixed up in the drama, which I hope doesn’t paint him in a negative light. And I’m scared he’s going to get eliminated before the top 6, which could hurt his chances. I’m at the edge of my seat at every rose ceremony.

Nevertheless, I do think that we can will this to come true. Mike :clap: for :clap: Bachelor :clap:.

FRONTRUNNERS

To put it bluntly, these are the only guys who have a chance with Hannah:

Jedd— He pulled an “8-Mile” and dissed himself before anyone else could by admitting to Hannah that he came on the show for the “wrong reasons.” The thing about “red flags” are that you ignore then when you’re into someone. Despite Jedd waving his “wrong reasons” flag (he wants to promote his country music career) in front of her face, Hannah could care less. She’s smitten.

Tyler C.— Look, if Hannah isn’t into Tyler C., she should just let Twitter fight over who gets what body part. I would like to call dibs on his torso. On a more serious note, Tyler C. is insanely hot, shockingly deep and actually seems like a genuine person. Everyone thought Blake was going to be to hottest ticket in Paradise, but now he’s not even on the starting roster. Meanwhile. Tyler C. is first up at bat. With that said, I don’t think Hannah is going to pick him, but he’s top four for sure.

A short list of people Tyler C. looks like: Patrick Swayze, Miles Teller, Ryan Lochte, Connor, my future husband.

Connor— Poor Connor may have had the worst 1-on-1 date of all time. Hannah was sick, so instead of doing whatever they had planned, they laid in bed for about 15 minutes. He was a good sport about it and still got the rose. My mom said he was the perfect gentleman. There’s something kind of pure about him, and he has big “best to take home to mom and dad” energy.

Pilot Pete— I admittedly didn’t “get” they hype surrounding this guy. He looks like a pudgy man baby from certain angles. But from other angles, he can get it. I officially became part of the Pilot Pete fan club when he PICKED UP HANNAH AND MADE OUT WITH HER AGAINST THE WALL.

Yeah, we stan. (Also follow me on Twitter, @thebachdiaries)

Garrett— He’s my dark horse. I feel like we haven’t seen enough of him, but I think he should get a 1-on-1 date soon. I mean, he literally looks like Jordan Rodger’s long lost brother. He’s rich (you can’t be a pro golfer and poor at the same time. I think you have to pay hefty annual fees), is from Alabama, has an adorable southern accent, and was the first person to come out of the limo (which always means something.) The thing is, I don’t really like him. He reminds me of a frat bro who giggles at immature poop jokes.

HONORABLE MENTION: 

Luke P.— Even though Hannah is fed up with Luke P’s sh*t, she admitted she still has strong feelings for him. Plus, he received the first impression rose, and the recipient of that rose has gone on to get the final rose for FOUR SEASONS IN A ROW. I’m just saying. Luke P. may win this thing. 

Stay tuned for more recaps that will come out whenever I feel like posting them.

I wrote this recap weeks ago, but never posted it. I need to get back on the ball with this blog. I promise I will be back on (or off...depends how you look at it) my bullsh*t soon.

[spectraspecs-writes]

The Great Gatsby: In this essay, I will...

Below the cut I have copied, word for word, my essay that I wrote that says Nick Carraway imagined all the events in “The Great Gatsby.”

tldr: Compared to all the other characters, Nick is about as interesting as off-brand toothpaste - we only learn about 12 things about him over the course of the book, which is little compared to what we learn about the rest of the characters and when you consider that he’s the narrator. (Just look at the party in chapter 2 for examples of this.) When Gatsby dies, Nick is the only friend of Gatsby’s to show up at the funeral, which makes no sense given that, he had all these parties, surely he must have touched other lives. The characters’ behavior after Gatsby’s death make no sense - Daisy and Tom just up and vanish, when Tom is not the sort of person who would leave without fighting Gatsby, he’d turn up to gloat about “ha ha, I got Daisy and you didn’t.” Then there’s Jordan Baker’s sudden engagement - we learn at the beginning of the book that she’s single, but by the end of the book she announces to Nick out of the blue that she’s engaged. She’s a professional athlete, and Nick really likes her - if the media didn’t follow her social life, Nick would. The events with Gatsby take precedence over the events of an otherwise full summer. (Now of course, this makes sense given that the book is about Gatsby, but Nick seldom mentions his career. Quote from the essay - “The events he cites-eating lunch with his fellow bond salesman, walking around in New York City - compared to the extravaganza that is Gatsby’s company, and being privy to his cousin’s husband’s love affair, and hanging out with such a celebrity as Jordan Baker, are dull and trivial. No wonder he’d choose a fantasy world over the real world.”) Plus, he staright up forgot his own birthday and didn’t remember until basically the end of the day. Until after the fight Tom and Gatsby had over Daisy, until after the fantasy started to fall apart. 

Odds are, none of the characters are completely fake. Perhaps Gatsby, Tom, Daisy, and Jordan resemble people he met during the war or other times in his life. Perhaps he met a guy during the war who called everyone “old sport.” Perhaps he really did meet a polo player named Tom in college. But the man was lonely - he planned to rent the house in West Egg with a coworker who then moved, he’d left his family behind, and even his dog ran away. Nick was lonely. He made up some imaginary friends.

And if you want my citations, below is the whole essay, complete with citations.

Imagination is an integral part of the human experience. Every one of us has at some point created a magical world for ourselves, be it as simple as having an imaginary friend, playing role-playing games online, or writing fan fiction. we may do this to fulfill some deep desire to be loved and to experience things that we could never hope to experience in real life. Something in our real life is displeasing to us, and we want to fix it in whatever way we can. In my spare time, I like to write fiction. I like to create new worlds and new people, to experience new things that could never happen in real life, and to give myself a different life, a better one. We can find this in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic novel, “The Great Gatsby”.  Nick Carraway, the narrator of the story, has a life that none of us would wish for. In the summer of 1922, much to the chagrin of his family, he moves to New York City to become a bond salesman. He originally plans to rent a house in the country with a coworker who then moves, so he goes out to West Egg Village alone. Even his dog runs away. At that point, Nick’s life was miserable. It must have seemed that all the world was against him, and he didn’t have a friend in the world. In such a situation, a person would find some way to make friends, be they real or imaginary. I postulate that this is exactly what Nick has done-he creates imaginary friends so as to be liked and creates a new world around him. This creation is shown by the over-the-top qualities exhibited by all of the characters save one-Nick himself-, the discrepancies in character behavior, and the fact that, though Nick’s summer was a full one, the events with Gatsby and the rest of his imaginary friends are given the greatest importance.

The characters in “The Great Gatsby” are known for their extravagant qualities, their over-the-top lifestyles, and their bursting personalities. All of the characters in the book have these, save one, of course-Nick himself. In fact, compared to the information we have on every other person mentioned in the book, we have startlingly little information about Nick. He’s rather boring, by comparison, and more realistic than everyone else in the book. Most of what we know about Nick is in Chapter 1. He’s middle-class, a bond salesman, was a soldier in World War I, is from the midwest, and in the summer of 1922, he rents a small house in West Egg for $80 a month. That may seem like a lot at first glance, but after that we only learn 5 things- his name, where he went to college, he’s the cousin of the wealthy Daisy Buchanan, where he works, and the house he rents is, incidentally, only one over from the extravagant manor of Jay Gatsby (1, 7-13; 3, 61). Of the other characters we know greatly more, even of Gatsby, who is considered somewhat of a mystery. This is largely due to the fact that Nick focuses more on others but with a great lack of perspective about himself. He observes the behavior of others around him, but fails to observe his own. In fact, there is a lot of description in the book about others, but, again, a significant lack of the same about Nick. In Chapter 2, Nick attends a small get-together at the apartment of Tom Buchanan and his lover, Myrtle Wilson, in New York City. When the other guests begin to arrive, Nick describes them in great detail- Catherine, Myrtle’s sister, is described as “a slender, worldly girl of about 30[…]. When she moved about there was an incessant clicking as innumerable pottery bracelets jingled up and down her arms”; Mr. McKee, a fellow tenant “was a photographer”, his wife, “shrill, languid, handsome, and horrible”. Myrtle changes into an “elaborate afternoon dress of cream colored chiffon”, and when she changed, Nick notices that “her personality had also undergone a change. […] Her laughter, her gestures, her assertions became more violently affected moment by moment and as she expanded the room grew smaller around her”. By contrast, Nick becomes drunk, sits down in the living room, reads a gossip magazine (2,34-35), and doesn’t say much of anything, and he certainly doesn’t say anything about himself. Overall, his role is very minimal. Fantasies often include great amounts of detail to make them seem more real. But by including so much detail about others and next to none about himself, Nick makes himself seem flat by comparison. It becomes obvious that something is not right, not real- either Nick or everyone else is fake. The odds that 5 people would imagine the same thing are too low, telling us that it is really Nick who imagined them. Their extravagance and great detail tells us that the characters are, in fact, a fantasy.

Furthermore, another clue that the events of “The Great Gatsby” are Nick’s imaginings is all the discrepancies we find in the characters’ behavior at the end. Nothing that would make sense to happen, given the characters established behavior up to that point, actually does When the character of Gatsby dies (8, 169), the only one who mourns, truly, is Nick, even though, surely, Gatsby must have touched many lives. He must have had other friends in the world. But no, only one friend, Nick, attends Gatsby’s funeral (9,182). (This also shows how Nick is central to everything, proving that he is, in fact, the one who imagined all of this.) Daisy, the woman supposedly so attracted to Gatsby that she was tempted to leave her husband, wasn’t even in the area. She and Tom disappeared shortly before Gatsby died- they “left no address”, didn’t “say when they’d be back”, they had just “gone away early that afternoon, and taken baggage with them”(9, 172). Even if their leaving makes sense, Tom is the kind of person who would want to gloat. This personality trait can be seen both during and after his and Gatsby’s fight over Daisy in Chapter 7. He is arrogant and believes that Daisy can only love him- When told that Daisy loves both Tom and Gatsby, Tom says, “‘Even that’s a lie. […] Why—there’re things between Daisy and me that you’ll never know’”(7,140). And when Daisy says that it wouldn’t be true if she said she never loved Tom, he says rather pompously, “‘Of course it wouldn’t’” (7,140). And at the very end of the fight, to further assert that he’s won, he orders Daisy and Gatsby to drive home together—“‘Go home,’” he says, “‘He won’t annoy you. I think he realizes that his presumptuous little flirtation is over’”(7,142). Tom would want to rub it in Gatsby’s face once more that he had Daisy before bowing out. He would have Daisy drop by to say goodbye forever. Even while mourning for Myrtle, it would be out of character for Tom not to gloat.

There’s also the point of Jordan Baker’s sudden engagement. At the beginning of the book, Daisy says that she intends to set Nick and Jordan up together- she says, “‘In fact, I think I’ll arrange a marriage. Come over often, Nick, and I’ll sort of -oh- fling you together’”(1,23). Jordan Baker, being a celebrity, a professional athlete, would be rather well-followed by the media of the time. Any boyfriend she might have had would have been news, the same as it is today, and Daisy wouldn’t have even tried to set them up. And Jordan liked Nick, we know this (“‘I hate careless people,’” she says, “‘That’s why I like you’”(3, 63).), and Nick tells us right out that “for a moment, I thought I loved her” (3, 63). If the media didn’t follow this professional golfer, Nick certainly would. However, at the end of the book, she tells Nick “without comment that she was engaged to another man” (9, 187). Out of the blue, with no clues of any sort beforehand, Jordan is engaged. Her engagement totally removes any chance of a further relationship between her and Nick, a relationship that we were expecting. That doesn’t make sense considering her character and the details established thus far. That is a character discrepancy that hints to something suspicious beneath the surface, hinting even more that these events are all a fantasy.

Yet another clue that the events of “The Great Gatsby” are Nick’s fantasy is the importance that the events with Gatsby and the rest of the delusion are given out of an otherwise full summer. Nearing the end of Chapter 3, Nick breaks from his story to tell us about the events thus far— “Reading over what I have written so far I see I have given the impression that the events of three nights several weeks apart were all that absorbed me. On the contrary they were merely casual events in a crowded summer and, until much later, they absorbed me infinitely less than my personal affairs” (3, 60-61). For a brief moment-a little over one full page (4 paragraphs on pages 61 and 62)-Nick breaks a little from his fantasy to tell us what he had done until the middle of July, 1922, but after that he goes back to talking about Jordan and his imaginings. But he was right when he said that it seemed those three events were the highlights of his summer up until that point. The events he cites-eating lunch with his fellow bond salesman, walking around in New York City (3, 61)- compared to the extravaganza that is Gatsby’s company, and being privy to his cousin’s husband’s love affair, and hanging out with such a celebrity as Jordan Baker, are dull and trivial. No wonder he’d choose a fantasy world over the real world.

Also, preoccupation with the fantasy caused him to forget his own birthday. In Chapter 7, following Tom and Gatsby’s fight over Daisy, as Tom was preparing to have a victory drink, he asked Nick if he wanted any. Nick didn’t hear him at first, then said, “‘No…I just remembered that today’s my birthday’”(7, 142). He didn’t remember this until after the fight, when his fantasy started to fall apart, when Daisy, the reason he created the fantasy in the first place, left Gatsby. He didn’t think about it until real life started to creep in. His life wasn’t important until an issue with his all-important fantasy was resolved. There is a clear separation between the fantasy and his reality. Were these events real and true, Nick would not have forgotten something like his birthday.

Now, none of this is to say that Gatsby, Daisy, Tom, and Jordan are entirely fake. Indeed, the human mind is incapable of creating entirely new people. However, compiling qualities from separate people into one person is entirely within the realm of possibility. In his life in New York, or his life in the midwest, Nick might have met someone-anyone-that could have later become Gatsby, or any of them. Perhaps during the war, he encountered a soldier who called everyone “old sport”, or perhaps in college he really did meet a polo player named Tom. In creating his imaginary friends, he called minor details from his real life to his mind and they turned into these people, these friends that Nick created for himself. And they became so fantastical, with such unbelievable qualities, because if you were going to create an imaginary friend, why would they be boring?

The imagination is an amazingly human thing. Some might even say that it is what makes us human. It’s been used to create amazing worlds and amazing technology, from the spear to the Internet. The creators are valued in history, and the character of Nick Carraway is honored with a place among them. After all, through the creative genius of F. Scott Fitzgerald, he created characters that have been valued and read about for decades, almost a century-characters that are fantastically amazing, fantastically complex, fantastically important. We need not pity Nick Carraway for making imaginary friends rather than real ones. We should respect him, and continue to honor him and the story he is a part of, as we have in years past.

[patriotsnet]

What News Channel Do Republicans Watch

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/what-news-channel-do-republicans-watch/

What News Channel Do Republicans Watch

Us Election 2020: We Put Republicans And Democrats In A Group Chat

US election 2020

It started off cordially.

As Americans went to the polls, we put 12 Biden voters and 13 Trump voters in a group chat for a virtual watch party.

The Democrats , Republicans and Independents all agreed that this election campaign has been “the race that never ends”. But then the results started to come in, and tensions flared.

Indiana goes to Trump

Within minutes of the first polls closing, Indiana was called for President Donald Trump.

Momentum builds among Republicans

The text group started buzzing when Mr Trump took the lead in Florida. But not everyone shared the happiness.

Eyes turn to states in the upper Midwest

As the polls closed in Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin – states which Mr Trump took in 2016 – the races were all too close to call.

Andrew, an independent voter from Michigan who was undecided until the last minute and ultimately cast a vote for Biden, said he thought the president would lose in there.

Trump momentum sends Democrats to bed

Then a “red wave” of projections suggested wins for Republicans across the southern US.

Republicans in the chat shared photos of their watch parties, including one voter, Eliana, who said she was at a party indoors with 500 people.

The conversation that followed a few of the networks projecting Florida for Trump sent some weary and frustrated Democrats to bed.

Biden speaks, Trump tweets

The two candidates then told supporters that the fight would go on into Wednesday.

—

Compulsory Reductions In Meat Consumption

In April 2021, at least five Fox News and Fox Business personalities amplified a story published by the Daily Mail, a British tabloid, that incorrectly linked a university study to President Joe Biden’s climate change agenda, to falsely assert that Americans would be compelled to dramatically reduce their meat consumption to mitigate greenhouse gas emissions caused by . Fox News aired a graphic detailing the supposed compulsory reductions, falsely indicating the information came from the Agriculture Department, which numerous Republican politicians and commentators tweeted. Fox News anchor John Roberts reported, “say goodbye to your burgers if you want to sign up to the Biden climate agenda.” Days later, Roberts acknowledged on air that the story was false.

As Trump Separates From Fox News What’s Next For Both

As supporters of President Donald Trump gathered around the country in the past week to protest the election, a surprising chant could occasionally be heard: “Fox News sucks.”

The network has held a central role during Trump’s presidency, regularly hosting him on its various shows and featuring a slate of commentators who vociferously defend him. But that relationship began to show signs of strain in recent months, culminating in outright hostility from Trump after Fox News and The Associated Press became the first major media outlets to announce that former Vice President Joe Biden had won Arizona in the presidential race.

On Thursday, Trump took his anger at Fox News even further, claiming the network’s ratings had “collapsed,” which is untrue. On election night, ratings data from Nielsen showed that Fox News averaged 14.1 million viewers from 8-11 p.m. ET, a record for cable news coverage of a presidential election.

“Very sad to watch this happen,” Trump tweeted, “but they forgot what made them successful, what got them there. They forgot the Golden Goose.”

With Biden as president-elect, Fox News’ relationship with Trump and conservative America is at a crossroads. The conservative media landscape is far broader today than it was four years ago, and the rival networks that proliferated during Trump’s presidency could be eager to take on Fox News — possibly in concert with Trump. But any predictions of Fox News’ demise would be premature.

Coverage Of Russia Investigation

Special Counsel investigation

On October 30, 2017, when special counsel Robert Mueller indicted Paul Manafort and Rick Gates, and revealed George Papadopoulos had plead guilty , this was the focus of most media’s coverage, except Fox News’. Hosts and guests on Fox News called for Mueller to be fired. Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson focused their shows on unsubstantiated allegations that Clinton sold uranium to Russia in exchange for donations to the Clinton Foundation and on the Clinton campaign’s role in funding the Donald Trump–Russia dossier. Hannity asserted: “The very thing they are accusing President Trump of doing, they did it themselves.” During the segment, Hannity mistakenly referred to Clinton as President Clinton. Fox News dedicated extensive coverage to the uranium story, which Democrats said was an attempt to distract from Mueller’s intensifying investigation. CNN described the coverage as “a tour de force in deflection and dismissal”. On October 31, CNN reported Fox News employees were dissatisfied with their outlet’s coverage of the Russia investigation, with employees calling it an “embarrassment”, “laughable” and saying it “does the viewer a huge disservice and further divides the country” and that it is “another blow to journalists at Fox who come in every day wanting to cover the news in a fair and objective way”.

In 2020 The News Sources For Republicans And Democrats Were Very Different

In 2020, Pew Research found the news diet among Republicans and Democrats varied greatly. The lone … exception was on broadcast TV.

Last week the Pew Research Center released an American News Pathways project entitled; How Americans Navigate the News in 2020: A Tumultuous Year in Review. According to Pew, the purpose was to understand how Americans interacted with the news and information throughout the 2020, focusing on the pandemic and election. The data came from a yearlong undertaking consisting of ten separate surveys each with 9,000 or more U.S. adults, from November 2019 through December 2020.

It’s well known the political opinions of Americans has become more polarized, this has been reflected with their news sources. Pew found those Americans who identify themselves as Republican or as an independent that lean Republican often had a different news source, than Democrats or independent leaning Democrats. To some degree, the one common news source was the network TV newscasts. Even Republicans were divided among themselves, those that followed Donald Trump for news and information had a different viewpoint on the pandemic and election than those Republicans that didn’t follow Trump. Adding to all this was the prevalence of unproven news stories especially on social media. To say the least, 2020 was a raucous and unprecedented year for news. Here are some of the findings.

Poll: 78% Of Gop Fox News Viewers Say Trump Is Best President Ever

A new survey of the network’s watchers reveal the hard core of the Republican Party and how hopeless it is for Democrats to try and court them.

Photo Illustration by Sarah Rogers/The Daily Beast/Getty

Almost 8 in 10 Republicans who watch Fox News say Donald Trump is the most successful president in history.

That was just one finding of a new poll showing the deep ideological divide between Fox News viewers and everyone else. The poll results were provided to The Daily Beast by Navigator, a project launched by Democratic groups Global Strategy Group and GBA strategies. They surveyed more than 1,000 registered voters online with the goal of examining the differences in views between Fox News viewers and non-Fox viewers.

It comes after Democratic strategists have whether candidates and officeholders should appear on Trump’s favorite cable news channel to win over its regular viewers. Candidates like Sen. Amy Klobuchar have deliberately made efforts to speak to Fox News viewers, and the Democratic National Committee briefly entertained the idea of hosting a debate on Fox News before deciding against it.

But Thursday’s survey shows why many in the party have largely written off the network’s viewers as a lost cause.

The survey’s authors argue that the network presents an “alternate reality” in American politics, and plays an “outsized role in the way many experience and form opinions on the most important issues facing the country.”

How The Study Works

The coolest thing about this research is the methodology. It’s really hard to estimate the effects of media outlets on individuals’ behavior, as media consumption is a two-way street. Yes, media can change peoples’ opinions and behavior, but people also choose to consume particular media because it aligns with their opinions and affirms stuff they’re doing already.

And prior economic research on media bias has found that media outlets’ political stances are demand-driven: that is, they take the positions they do because they want to gain readers/listeners/viewers. In this interpretation, Fox News might just be producing segments depicting food stamp recipients as lazy lobster-eating surfers because their audience already hates food stamps and welfare programs and wants something with which to agree. Confirmation bias is a hell of a drug.

So figuring out that a given media outlet is changing viewers’ minds, rather than merely reflecting their viewpoints back to them, is tricky. But Martin and Yurukoglu figured out an ingenious way around that problem: channel ordering.

Especially combined with the prior, also rigorous research looking at Fox’s initial rollout, Martin and Yurukoglu’s paper provides powerful evidence that Fox News is a critically important actor in American politics. It’s doing more than serving a market need; it’s actively reshaping American public opinion.

A New Survey Reveals How Political Leanings Affect Our Tv Preferences For Starters Liberals Love Letterman And Conservatives Prefer Leno

“Americans’ partisan preferences don’t end with their thoughts on how to fix the economy,” says Lucy Madison at CBS News. Democrats and Republicans have very different TV viewing habits, too. The specifics are outlined in a new survey from consumer researcher firm Experian-Simmons, which prepared the report for Entertainment Weekly. Here, four lessons about the relationship between politics and the boob tube:

1. There’s a late-night partisan divideThe Dave Letterman-Jay Leno rivalry has gotten political. The survey reveals that Democrats prefer watching The Late Show with David Letterman, while Republicans favor The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. And the differences are polarizing, says Madison. “Not infrequently, a show beloved by one party is reviled by the other.” Case in point: The Daily Show and The Colbert Report topped liberals’ list of favorites, but are among conservatives’ least favorite shows.

2. The differences in comedy tastes reinforce stereotypes“Literate media-savvy comedies” that rely on “sarcastic humor,” like 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation, score high with Democrats, Experian-Simmons senior marketing manager John Fetto tells Entertainment Weekly. On the other hand, more traditional comedies, like ABC’s The Middle, are popular with Republicans. Not appearing on either party’s list of faves? Two and a Half Men. “Just who are the 20 million people watching that crap every week?” says Brian Moylan at Gawker.

Republican Vs Democrat Survey: Who Watches The Best Tv Shows

Republicans don’t watch MTV’s Jersey Shore. But they dig ABC’s Castle.

Democrats don’t like Discovery’s Deadliest Catch. But they swoon for NBC’s Parks and Recreation.

Those are a few of the findings from an annual research survey by that measures the consumer preferences of various political ideologies. In a report prepared exclusively for EW, the company calculated some of the favorite — and least favorite — TV shows of political partisans.

In the findings, “sarcastic” media-savvy comedies and morally murky antiheroes tend to draw Dems. While serious work-centered shows , along with reality competitions, tend to draw conservatives.

Focusing on well-known cable and broadcast original entertainment series , here’s who wins the 2011 prime-time primaries:

LIBERAL-DEMOCRAT FAVORITES:

—The Daily Show With Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report : As you might expect.

—30 Rock and Parks and Recreation : Literate media-savvy comedies score high among Dems in general, notes Experian-Simmons senior marketing manager John Fetto. “Sarcastic humor is always a hook for them,” he adds.

—The View : Shows that skew female tend to do better among Dems, while male-friendly shows tend to do perform higher among Republicans.

—Glee

—Modern Family : Last year, the progressive Glee and Modern Family scored surprisingly strong among both political leanings. Among conservatives this year, the shows still do fairly well, but have dropped out of their top ranks.

—It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

What The Best 2020 Post

All Videos

Some of the most substantial daylight we observed between Fox News Republicans and far-right news Republicans was on their beliefs around conspiracy theories — especially the core beliefs of QAnon. Overall, 23 percent of Republicans mostly or completely agree with the core QAnon tenet that “the government, media, and financial worlds in the U.S. are controlled by a group of Satan-worshipping pedophiles who run a global child sex trafficking operation.” But Republicans who trust mainstream news sources or Fox News were actually the least likely to believe in the main QAnon conspiracy theory, with just 19 percent and 17 percent, respectively. Meanwhile, Republicans who don’t watch television news, which notably includes those who get news solely from online sources, were considerably more likely to believe in a system run by Satanist pedophiles . But by far, the Republicans who were most likely to believe in QAnon were those who trusted far-right news sources .

related:Why Being ‘Anti-Media’ Is Now Part Of The GOP Identity Read more. »

Media preferences don’t explain all the differences we see among Republicans; as noted, on the question of the “Big Lie,” Fox News Republicans are very much not in sync with Republicans who get their news from mainstream news outlets, even if they do hold this belief less strongly than Republicans who get their news from far-right outlets. 

The Difference Between Which News Outlets Republicans And Democrats Trust

Americans are divided by political party on which news sources they trust, according to the latest Economist/YouGov Poll. 

Most Republicans trust Fox News, the only news organization to receive a majority of GOP support in the survey. One-third of Republicans trust The Wall Street Journal, while one-third are neutral on whether the newspaper is trustworthy. A quarter  of Republicans trust One America News Network, a conservative broadcast organization that has been elevated by President Donald Trump and the White House in recent months. 

Trump has promoted OANN as a “great alternative” to Fox News — though, OANN hasn’t usurped the media giant among Republicans overall. About one-third of Fox News viewers trust OANN, compared to 15 percent of Americans overall. OANN is frequently criticized for spreading disproven conspiracy theories and misinformation that President Trump has re-circulated on his Twitter account.  

Despite this, OANN remains more trusted among Republicans than The Washington Post , The New York Times , CNN , and MSNBC . A majority of Republicans actively distrust CNN , MSNBC , and The New York Times  — each of which are outlets that have received frequent attacks and threats from the president for not providing favorable coverage to his administration.  

Two-thirds of Democrats actively distrust Fox News, while 14 percent trust the network. About half  of Democrats remain neutral on OANN, though about two in five consider it untrustworthy.  

Image: Getty 

Democrats And Republicans Split On Political Content On Late Night But Jimmy Fallon Is Americas Favorite Host

E-mail to a friend

58% of the public has a favorable opinion of Jimmy Fallon, and 55% have a favorable opinion of “The Tonight Show.”

62% of Republicans don’t like when late-night hosts discuss politics, while an equal share of Democrats do.

As Stephen Colbert’s more political “Late Show” begins to top Jimmy Fallon’s “Tonight Show” in the ratings, new polling shows Democrats and Republicans almost diametrically opposed on their views of late-night political content, indicating that it might be difficult for networks to find a late-night show to please all audiences.

The March 7-10 Morning Consult/The Hollywood Reporter found that Fallon was the fan favorite among 2,201 adults, having the highest favorability at 58 percent. Fallon was also the most popular late-night host among Republicans, with 48 percent viewing him favorably, and the second-most popular among Democrats, coming in 1 percentage point behind Jimmy Kimmel of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” who had a favorability of 73 percent. The margin of error for the Democratic subsample was 3 percentage points, and the margin of error for the Republican subsample was 4 percentage points.

Fallon’s “Tonight Show” had the highest share of talk-show favorability among the public , as well as among Democrats and Republicans .

Report That Biden Administration Was Building Trump Wall

According to analysis by Media Matters, on May 12, 2021, Fox News reported on its website, “Border lie — Biden resumes border wall construction after promising to halt it.” Correspondent Bill Melugin then appeared on Special Report with Bret Baier to report “the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is actually going to be restarting border wall construction down in the Rio Grande Valley” after “a lot of blowback and pressure from local residents and local politicians.” After the Corps of Engineers tweeted a clarification, Melugin deleted a tweet about the story and tweeted an “update” clarifying that a levee wall was being constructed to mitigate damage to flood control systems caused by uncompleted wall construction, and the website story headline was changed to “Biden administration to resume border wall levee construction as crisis worsens.” Later on Fox News Primetime, host Brian Kilmeade briefly noted the levee but commented to former Trump advisor Stephen Miller, “They’re going to restart building the wall again, Stephen.” Fox News host Sean Hannity later broadcast the original Melugin story without any mention of the levee.

Americans Use Of A News Outlet Does Not Always Mean They Trust It

Even as Republicans and Democrats sort themselves into different news universes, there are a few sources that are used by large numbers on both sides.

A deeper analysis reveals, however, that getting political news from a source does not always mean one trusts it. Indeed, some people report getting news from sources they also say they distrust. This is particularly true among Republicans. For example, among the 24% of Republicans who said they got political and election news from CNN in the last week, about four-in-ten say they distrust CNN. Conversely, among the 53% of Democrats who use CNN, just 4% distrust it.

Similarly, for each of the three major commercial broadcast networks, about two-in-ten Republicans who got political news from these outlets in the past week also say they distrust that source .

And while relatively small numbers of Republicans got news from MSNBC , The New York Times and The Washington Post in the past week, of those who did, 45% distrust The Washington Post, 38% distrust The New York Times and 37% distrust MSNBC.

For Democrats, the data tells a different story. With one exception, few Democrats say they got news in the past week from sources they distrust. The exception is Fox News. Nearly one-quarter of Democrats got news there in the past week. And of those who did, 27% say they do not trust the cable channel as a source of information about the election and politics.

Lebron James Net Worth Revealed And Spoiler Hes Not A Billionaire

In the survey, Pew also looked at the affect former President Donald Trump had on Republicans as a news source with the pandemic and election. About 30% of Republicans had used Trump as their primary source for the two top news events. The Republicans that relied on Trump had a different perspective than those Republicans that didn’t.

Two takeaways on the impact of Trump were:

·        Republicans that had relied on Trump for COVID-19 news followed the pandemic and Presidential task force more closely than other Republicans. They were more likely to say the pandemic was overblown and the media covered it poorly. In September 2020, 89% of Republicans that depended on Trump for news on COVID-19 thought the U.S. had controlled the pandemic as well as it could, compared to 59% for the other Republicans. That 30% difference continued into November.

Those respondents who relied primarily on social media for news, knew less about current events and more familiar with false claims and unconfirmed stories about the pandemic and election. According to Pew, 18% of Americans received most of their political news on social media, a percentage greater than local TV at 16%, cable TV at 16%, network TV at 13% and radio at 8% . Moreover, those Americans that relied on social media for news, did not follow the pandemic and election as closely.

The Tucker Carlson Fans Who Got Vaxxed

I asked vaccinated fans of the Fox News host what it will take to get more Republicans to get their shots.

Late last month, as the Delta variant of the coronavirus filled hospitals across the under-vaccinated South, Tucker Carlson took to his usual perch as the most-watched host on the most-watched cable-news network, just asking questions about the COVID-19 vaccines. “Tonight, congressional Democrats have called for a vaccine mandate in Congress,” Carlson said, as if flabbergasted by every word. “Members and staffers would be required to get a shot that the CDC told us today doesn’t work very well and, by the way, whose long-term effects cannot be known.”

Carlson’s Facebook followers commented eagerly on the video clip, spreading unfounded fears about vaccination among themselves. “Completely disappointed in our government, don’t believe a word they speak! Will not get the shot!” one person . Together, Carlson and his viewers are a placenta and embryo, gestating dangerous ideas and keeping the pandemic alive.

It’s no secret that Carlson’s audience, and Fox’s, are overwhelmingly Republican and right-wing. And in after , Republicans are much less likely than Democrats to say they have been vaccinated and much more likely to say they definitely won’t be vaccinated. The partisan gap in vaccinations has only grown over time.

Republicans Migrate To Fox

To some extent, these patterns reflect the migration of Republicans toward the Fox News Channel and away from other TV news sources. Between 1998 and 2008, the share of Republicans saying they regularly watch Fox News rose 22 points, from 14% to 36%. Meanwhile, the share who regularly watch network evening news fell 15 points and the share who regularly watch CNN declined by eight points.

There also has been movement in the regular viewing habits of Democrats. The share of Democrats who regularly watch CNN increased from 25% to 33% between 1998 and 2008, and the share of Democrats who regularly watch MSNBC increased from 10% to 18%. Notably, the share of Democrats who say they regularly watch the Fox News Channel has remained largely unchanged over the past decade .

From 1998 through 2002 there was little difference in the share of Democrats and Republicans using these sources regularly. But in 2004, Republicans moved sharply away from CNN and toward the Fox News Channel. In the 2008 survey, 33% of Democrats regularly watched CNN compared with 17% of Republicans, while 36% of Republicans and 21% of Democrats regularly watched Fox News.

Americans Are Divided By Party In The Sources They Turn To For Political News

Mark JurkowitzAmy MitchellElisa ShearerMason Walker

To a large degree, the pattern of partisan polarization that emerges in attitudes about the credibility of news sources is also evident in the sources that Republicans and Democrats rely on for news about politics and the election.

Overall, Republicans get political and election news from a smaller group of sources than Democrats, with an overwhelming reliance on one source – Fox News. Democrats , on the other hand, use a wider range of sources.

Six-in-ten Republicans say they got news from the Fox News cable network in the past week. After Fox News, there is a huge gap before the next most turned-to sources – ABC News, NBC News and CBS News, all at similar levels .

Despite Republicans’ deep distrust of CNN, it is among the more commonly used sources among Republicans, with 24% who got political news there in the past week. Next come the radio shows of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh . No other source tops 15% among Republicans.

On the Democratic side, CNN is turned to by the greatest portion, with 53% saying they got political news there in the past week. As is the case with Republicans, the three major commercial broadcast networks are the next most turned to sources of political news for Democrats, albeit in bigger doses — NBC , ABC and CBS .

[sheambdreams-blog]

Alden’s Birth Story

For the second time being led through the labyrinth by the essence love itself was no less an experience. Each birth is a renewal, a rebirth by fire to the self, the right of passage into a deeper level of womanhood. 

I have felt an immense rush of gratitude for our experience. I am amazed by the power of women, the strength of the small baby within, the presence and patience of the birthing partner (in this case my husband), the trust and knowing of midwives, and the whole spectrum of birth stories that we can inhabit with one another.  All birth stories are empowering. I am certain that unmedicated vaginal childbirth, while incredibly revealing and beautiful, is no more a triumph than any other form of bringing a baby into the world. I am inspired by the strength of the parents in my life, their life stories of resilience, their birth stories, and I drew upon that force during labor. Much love, especially, to all the women in my life; we brim with the strength to endure. 

                                            ///

I was inside the acupuncturist’s office for the third time that week when I noticed the beautiful full moon calendar hanging on the wall in the office, right next to a painting of a baby wrapped up an enclosure of flowers. The calendar showed that the following day, Saturday, would bring May’s full moon, a “blue flower moon”. I hoped our baby would decide to come on such an auspicious day, but earlier in the afternoon my midwife had felt the baby’s head still riding high in my pelvis, fairly certain that it would be a bit longer until he made his descent. The gestation period with Elliot was comparable to a midwest chili cook-off (low and slow, a friend once called me a crockpot), so we decided to touch base in a week.

Yet, I woke up at 4:30 am to a familiar dull, throbbing pain in my pelvis. It was too uncomfortable to sleep, so I took a hot shower and continued to rest. “Reid, this might really be it!”. We both buzzed with anticipation, and Reid excitedly put the plastic sheet on the bed, which kind of gave me the willies. As the  morning went on, the contractions continued to form a steady rhythm. We decided to call our stalwart friends, Zach and Allie, to come fetch Elliot since we were decidedly in labor. Saying goodbye to Elliot was emotional, as I hugged his little body one last time as my only child, my first, the one who gave Reid and I confidence that we were fit enough to bring another life into the world.

Reid and I decided to go for a saunter, a sunshine walk. We held hands and walked at a snail’s pace...which can be a challenge for a guy with forever- long legs.  I felt proud and excited to be in labor. I wanted to shout from the rooftops “I’m in labor bitches!” Instead, I held a large jar of water and imagined myself doubling over in pain as the jar shattered on the concrete, but thankfully that never manifested.  We waddled on for about a mile, up the hill, down the hill, and to my surprise neither of us peed our pants (less surprising for Reid). We came home and Reid took pictures of my baby belly near the ivy on our back fence, we walked to the store and gathered the ingredients for a lemon cake, which I baked (see pictures for proof, if you need it).

“Reid, call the Incredible Midwife Regina!”

The  Incredible Midwife Regina arrived and scoped out my vagina

“You’re certainly in labor, and you’re at 2cm. Try to rest and I’ll be back later” Oh nelly. I had been laboring for 7 hours already and only the size of a penny...I envisioned the long dark, damp tunnel that I would traverse in order to see my baby. I decidedly prepared myself for another ridiculous marathon of labor. Reid and I hunkered down, he rubbed geranium sage oil on my feet. I drank beautiful flower essence to stay in the present moment and not think about the steep hill I was climbing. My dear friend Sarah came over with muffins, a hug and a shoulder rub, she encouraged us to watch Amy Schumer’s standup “Growing”. (That DID make me pee my pants...go see for yourself, it’s hliarious) We stopped watching when the contractions grew closer together. Laboring at home had so many beautiful benefits.

The IMR (Incredible Midwife Regina) came back 4 hours later with her crew of womanly wonders. Upon arrival, I practically collapsed into the arms of one of the midwives during an intense contraction. “I’m so glad you’re here, you smell like my Auntie”.

They peeked into my vagina again and I was at  6cm! Progress! They all shouted good job, as if I had been the one (I can’t take credit, the body did it all by itself!)

From then on, I did all of the active labor things. I sobbed to Bon Iver, I asked for cold washcloths, I said things that only I thought was funny, I sipped diluted gatorade.  Meanwhile an unusually powerful Oregon thunderstorm raged on outside. The lights flickered, wind whirred, and Raleigh came inside feeling anxious. She became the dog- guardian of my inflatable bathtub throne. And Reid, he was my anchor, tethering me to the present, reminding me with each wave of pain that our love would serve as a beacon to this new life. He held space so reverently, he stroked my thighs so commitedly and rigorously that he probably now has precursors to arthritis. He reminded me again and again that together we would bring our baby into this world.

I wonder if people who have already climbed Mt. Everest find the subsequent climbs to be more difficult. “What if I just can’t do it again?”

“What if I get too tired?” “What if something goes wrong this time?” This labor tested my mental fitness. My mind rattled on with doubts and worries, that I had to actively subdue and worked to regain stillness and surrender between each contraction.  Each rush of excruciation led me closer to the inevitable, which I wasn’t sure I was ready for. Birth by fire. Rebirthing my motherhood. Becoming a mother to two. Holy shit.

    In between contractions, I began staring at a picture of Elliot. I am a good mom, I can be a good mom again. “I can’t do this”. Another pulsing contraction, multiple waves getting stronger and stronger. “I want it to end!” I moaned. I was in a dark cave and the only way out was through the excruciating war that raged on in my pelvis.  I was pushing hard up against an unbroken bag of waters that was impeding my urge to push, though I was fully dilated. I knew I needed help, I begged the IMR to break my water. She did and I felt the gush and the baby’s head move deeper into my pelvis.

As Reid hilariously tells it, a flip seemed to switch and my inner warrior rose from the near-dead.  Apparently my inner warrior has a voice 8 octaves lower than my normal one.

“OH YEAH!” I grunted like a husky bear, “NOW I REMEMBER!”. I squatted, wrangled up the handles on the tub, felt a burst of  intense energy rush through and my will surfaced, I would be able to walk through the fire to the other side. I began to push through contractions until the baby made his descent. Pushing went on for another half hour until I felt that familiar FBROF (*fucking* burning ring of fire) and heard voices of my husband and the womanly wonders chanting “YES! YES! GOOD JOB!”. This was it, the most conflicting best/worst feeling of all, somehow the intensity always feels...SO right. Suddenly the baby’s head was halfway out of my vagina. It was other worldly to feel the baby’s head and see his long hair waving in the water, to touch it and feel my body so insanely open. 

On the next push the IMR got her hand around the baby somehow and helped him wriggle his way out safely, as his chord was partially wrapped and blocking his full descent. Push and ultimate relief, raw, open, exhausted. Suddenly there was a baby on my chest. A small, waxy, purple little grub rested on my chest and I panted “He’s here! He’s really here! He’s so much smaller than Elliot!” (But he wasn’t, he was the exact same size as Elliot). He was quiet and peaceful at first, his essence still in the water, safe within the womb. I hoped the water had muffled my battle cries, as I had once again screamed my baby out. Reid was behind me and I could feel his relief, his joy, his wonder as our boy stretched his lungs and became a breather of air.

As my good friend Jordan said, the power of the moon and the water ushered our baby Alden out,  born after 14 hours of labor under a full moon, during a thunderstorm in our home. Our boy had finally arrived, and we crawled into our own bed together.

The subsequent  events were less exciting, I ended up losing a lot of blood again, got to have some rectal medication administered (whoopee), two bags of IV fluid and many diaper changes (me, not the baby). My legs shook for a couple of hours and I struggled to stay warm. The night was long and the medications for the bleeding left me feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. At one point Alden woke up and my brain continued to misfire, I didn’t know how to swaddle my baby. I hardly even registered having a baby. I’d forgotten how to do everything. I was already failing at mothering him. 

 The arrival of dawn brought immense clarity as it often does, in her gentle way of unveiling the day to tired eyes. I was relieved and so grateful to see our sweet, dark, squishy, hairy as a greek papu little baby safely resting in between our exhausted bodies. 

[themusicenthusiast]

Thursday, August 23rd, 2018 - Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner Shares Raw, Personal Stories and Witty Banter with Listeners at Lexus Box Garden at Legacy Hall

Photos by Jordan Buford Photography 2018 has been quite the year for Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner. The group that was founded by John Pedigo (one half of the Dallas-based duo The O’s) released their debut self-titled record back in March, and more recently they even took a little jaunt around the Midwest, supporting the Old 97’s for a handful of dates. Even if it’s just personal milestones (and really, that’s all that matters in the grand scheme of things), they’ve accomplished a lot in the year or so that they’ve been together; and on this Thursday night the quartet was returning to the stage of the Lexus Box Garden at Legacy Hall to entertain patrons with their brand of country/Americana. The turnout was decent for a Thursday night, a few dozen or so people scattered about the actual Box Garden, while more were perched on the balconies of the second and third levels of Legacy Hall that overlook it. Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner would wind up sharing all of their intimate stories (and then some) with the people this night, using the atmospheric and equal parts ethereal and dynamic “Orion” to launch them into the 84-minute long set that that they had planned.

What immediately became apparent was the significant emotional weight that these songs boasted in the live environment. It’s noticeable on the record – which is arguably the most compelling thing about Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner – but live the feeling and gusto packed into the music was so much more prominent and palpable. “I need you. I’ll never ask again. I need you to fight, sometimes it’s right to say goodbye.” That refrain was steeped in emotion that came straight from the heart and did an excellent job in setting up everything that they had planned for the show. “Let me check out the ol’ set list,” Pedigo said aloud as he peered down at the piece of paper. He chuckled. “That’s a good song!” he remarked, somewhat having fun as he initiated the banter that would be a fixture of their show while also seemingly attempting to hype up those who were most receptive to what they were doing on stage.

The first few numbers found them going down the track listing of their album, the poignant “The Comedian” highlighting what a robust rhythm section Trey Pendergrass and Rocky Garza – the drummer and bassist, respectively – were as they injected the track with some raw power. Pedigo embraced that, breaking free from the mic stand when he could and pacing about the stage, often picking at his acoustic guitar in an aggressive manner. “Where's The Fire” was even more conducive of that, allowing Pedigo to channel his inner rock star, particularly when he suddenly grabbed his guitar and brandished it in the air. It felt wild. Chaotic even. Chad Stockslager infused that track with some soul and even a hefty groove as he hammered away on his keyboards, appearing totally spellbound by the moment, his mastery of the instrument evident.

The jokes continued as Pedigo was setting up another song of theirs, noting that they had done a music video for it that could be found on the internet. “…You can find almost anything there…” he continued, using Garza as an example, essentially saying he had everything at his fingertips, just as soon as he “fires up AOL” Having so much time to fill, and armed only with ten songs that comprise their debut record meant that there was a healthy serving of covers peppered in throughout their set. Many of those found them changing things up a bit, Stockslager taking up the role of lead vocalist. “The Image of Me”, made famous by Conway Twitty, was one such song – their selection of covers mostly focusing on classic country standards. Stockslager’s smooth, announcer like voice was perfect for songs from that bygone era, allowing him to evoke the spirit of those original renditions while also adding his own touch to them.

He also often acted as spokesman for the fine establishment that is Legacy Hall. “I hope everyone is easting some of the best food of their lives,” Pedigo remarked at one point, Stockslager quickly following that up with, “Out here at Legacy Hall that’s not hard to do…” and subsequently shouting out the “sweet and savory barbecue” that one of the food stalls offers. You had to be there in order to fully appreciate it, though it was quite entertaining. Moments like that provided a sort of relief from the more somber tones that accented some of the songs. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were sad, more just raw and honest, Pedigo having penned a host of songs that are real, touching on several facets of life, such as “Warning Shot”, which was steeped in heartache and delved into aspects of mortality, death and what comes after.

Pedigo did keep the lead for some of the later covers in their set, which included a great rendition of Merle Haggard’s “Working Man Blues” that was simultaneously true to form yet also had Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner’s own twist to it; while “No Better Than You” began setting them up for a striking finish as they entered the homestretch. It included several “spicy meatballs!”, in the words of Stockslager. “That one’s called ‘No Better Than You’. That’s why we kept saying it over and over,” Pedigo said real matter-of-factly, the drier side of his sense of humor shining through. After a couple more covers they arrived at their final number, “Wet The Line” being nothing short of triumphant, providing a sort of silver lining to a show that was teeming with emotional highs and lows and took those who were watching on a brief journey. Pedigo, Stockslager, Pendergrass and Garza took advantage of that. Coalescing, their chemistry became more robust than it had been at any other point this night, transforming that cut into a wall of sound. Their enthusiasm had a lot to do with that, radiating from them by that point, and that was no more noticeable than with Pedigo, who, in the final moments, proceeded to ferociously attack his guitar, even somewhat shredding before removing it and holding it above him in a victorious fashion. It was fitting, as they had just conquered the Box Garden, giving it everything they had in them in the process.

To reiterate an earlier statement, the live show is where it’s at for these guys. Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner is an excellent listen, though as great as the recordings may be, it’s the live environment where they’re their most potent. The grand scale of the emotion was immense, Pedigo, in his somewhat twangy voice that’s marked with a light Southern accent, investing himself fully in what he was singing and striving to make onlookers feel the depths he and his band mates were digging into. It was a personal and intimate experience because you could tell how these songs were practically sacred to him, Pedigo bearing a bit of his soul during the process of performing them. That’s something of a rarity these days, seeing an artist give that much of themselves or even work to connect with people in that manner and it didn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Point is, seeing a Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner show will definitely be entertaining, and not just because the musicians have a good rapport amongst themselves that leads to some witty banter. Pedigo has surrounded himself with other veterans of the D-FW music scene; and while his solo endeavor may be in the same musical realm of what he has done (and continues to do) with The O’s, it also explores new territory. There are spirited Americana songs that are conducive of dancing (at least one patron was spotted doing some of that on this night), while others more closely resemble traditional country numbers or even folk songs, the singer/songwriter aspects of them being prevalent. Still in the same wheelhouse of what fans have come to expect from him, yet unique enough that it highlights different aspects of his abilities as a musician. Even at a place like Legacy Hall, where patrons are as likely to be caught up in conversation with friends as they are the music from whatever act happens to be on stage, Pedigo’s Magic Pilsner managed to turn a few heads, and rightfully so. It was a barn burner of a show. Stay tuned to their FACEBOOK for news of other upcoming shows; and check out/purchase their record on iTUNES or GOOGLE PLAY.

[kayduhyeahduh]

2016 comes to an end.

Because I enjoyed making the log I last year, I’ve done it again for this new year.

1/1/16 - Started the new year again at the countdown in LA with the light projection on City Hall with Daniel and Joanna

1/13-15/16 - Chicken Strip Road Trip was a reunion of Berkeley friends to go on an adventurous 3-day trip around SoCal

1/16/16 - Flew back up to Berkeley in order to tend to OASES Coord tasks + finally move into my first ever apartment

1/17-18/16 - OASES Coordinator Retreat at the Point Montara Lighthouse Hostel, bonding and understanding the responsibilities of being a coordinator

1/18-21/16 - New Year’s Resolution Training Camp for BDC; a series of workshops by talented dancers who were able to provide some of their wisdom and talent with me, was an awesome experience to step out of my comfort zone with!

1/19/16 - Start of classes for the Spring 2016 semester

1/20/16 - Celebrated Janice’s birthday with a surprise!

1/22-24/16 - CalSO Leader Launch Weekend; a 3-day retreat for those becoming CalSO Leaders. Was an exciting, nerve-wracking, and humbling experience to get to know all 40 people in the team including pouring my heart out to complete strangers

1/27/16 - Interview for my Retirement Office position for Work Study

1/28/16 - Received an email saying that they would like me for the position at the Retirement Office!

1/28/16 - AFX Spring 2016 Auditions

1/29/16 - Movement Spring 2016 Auditions

1/30/16 - Danceworx Spring 2016 Auditions

2/4/16 - Start of the first ASKII practice, a project team on AFX Spring 2016

2/6/16 - OASES Coord Social!

2/13/16 - Leave for Kendo Yuhihai Tournament in UCLA

2/14/16 - 2016 Yuhihai Intercollegiate Kendo Tournament where ASUC Team A wins 1st Place!

3/2/16 - Filled out paperwork with Timmy, Arno, and Yang for the new apartment lease for the next year

3/18/16 - Professional Photoshoot for CalSO

3/21-25/16 - Spring Break for UC Berkeley; spent a majority of it in town not adventuring out but more just enjoying the break and working whenever I could

3/27/16 - Celebrated Serena’s birthday with a surprise!

3/29/16 - “Tim n’ Frandz” Miniset first practice!

4/8/16 - Training session for my first ever Research Assistant position (short-term) with Haas School of Business focused on Marketing

4/9/16 - AFX ASKII Photoshoot

4/9/16 - CalSO/UC Berkeley Yield Event in Sacramento

4/13/16 - AFX Show and Tell

4/14/16 - AFX ASKII performed as the last team for the EAU Night Market

4/16/16 - Danceworx Spring 2016 Showcase; performed with Lost Kids and ASKII

4/22-23/16 - A night I can’t forget.

4/23/16 - AFX Showcase; performed with AFX ASKII

4/26/16 - Brief dinner with the housemates for the upcoming year

4/30/16 - OASES Budget Interviewing and Deliberations; they started around 8am and continued onto about 9pm....

5/1/16 - OASES VAD; had a hectic time being part of the committee organizing this banquet and learning the choreography, but it was definitely a learning experience

5/2/16 - OASES Open LC Meeting

5/3/16 - OASES LC Interview

5/3/16 - OASES CAD; nice relaxing meal for all of us coords

5/3/16 - AFX ASKII Banquet; rushed over to the 2nd half of the banquet after finishing up CAD

5/4/16 - Found out I was chosen to take on the LC role for OASES!

5/6/16 - Celebration Party at the Retirement Center to commemorate the time and hard work the graduating seniors had put in for the office

5/7/16 - Kendo Instructors Dinner at Ohgane for KBBQ to close the end of the practices for the school year; it was nice catching up with people from there as I hadn’t been going to practices really after Yuhihai

5/9-13/16 - Finals Week for Spring 2016

5/17/16 - Flight from OAK to LGB

5/18/16 - Daniel, Corliss, and I hung out for the short time I was in LA and enjoyed the day. Unfortunately, there was some complications on my part and I received a strongly worded voicemail from Janice’s dad..

5/20/16 - Flight from LGB to OAK

5/21/16 - CalSO Staff Move-In

5/22-30/16 - Camp CalSO; an intense week and a half of training by applying the theories and discussions we went over in the seminar course we all took in the Spring into more practical situations

6/1/16 - First OASES LC Meeting

6/2-3/16 - (1/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

6/6-7/16 - (2/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

6/9-10/16 - (3/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

6/13/16 - (4/14) Transfer Admit CalSO Program

6/14/16 - (5/14) Transfer Admit CalSO Program; this is when I first gave my FYE in front of hundreds of students and a large audience of parents/guests. It was such a humbling experience and it also made me cry in front of lots of parents/guests hahaha

6/16-17/16 - (6/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

6/18/16 - Movement [M]VP Auditions

6/20/16 - (7/14) Transfer Admit CalSO Program

6/21/16 - Summer Abba Auditions

6/22/16 - Got a call from Angie that I was selected to be in Summer Abba!

6/22-23/16 - (8/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

6/24/16 - (9/14) Transfer Admit CalSO Program; I ended my last ever Transfer program with having the opportunity to present my FYE again with students and then parents/guests. This time I didn’t cry! And it was similar yet very different from how my first time was.

6/25/16 - AFXsi Auditions

6/26/16 - GBE from LA to Berkeley with Tiffany; that was quite the experience...a 6-7 hour bus ride turned into 12 when our bus’ rear wheels popped and we were stuck on the side of the road for about 4 extra hours. Fortunately there was still some light AC and the spirits of the incoming freshmen and guests were still high which made the experience much less stressful

6/27/16 - Got a call from Christian that I was selected to be in AFXsi BAE!

6/27-28/16 - (10/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

6/30/16-7/1/16 - (11/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

7/7-8/16 - (12/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

7/11-12/16 - (13/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

7/14-15/16 - (14/14) Freshman Admit CalSO Program

7/15/16 - Around 2-3am, I had submitted my application to be next year’s orientation Student Coordinator, for what now will be called Golden Bear Orientation (GBO). I had hesitated the whole time since we got the email for the application until one of the interns had reached out to me privately and really recommended that I apply. Then I really decided to, on a whim, start my application at midnight and then turn it in the following 2-3 hours.

7/16/16 - CalSO Staff Banquet & Talent Show; the culmination of our hard work for the summer came to a close during this these two events as we enjoyed a nice meal and long list of performances. Of course, to end the night, we had prepared to say our goodbyes to one another, filling up the Ida Sproul Main Lounge with a mixture of chatter, laughter, hugging, and lots and lots of tears. Seeing how our move out time was by 10am the very next morning and not everyone was prepared for that literally or figuratively, Tiffany and I walked Roxi home and then I helped out in any way that I could, eventually knocking out around 4am

7/17/16 - Officially the move out date; I had already moved a majority of my stuff out beforehand and so I had one more trip to my apartment before I was finished. The twist is that I woke up an hour before our deadline and so I rushed to take a shower, move stuff out, and then try to help others within an hour. Even after that all, about a third of us still were going to be in Berkeley and we had brunch together before saying our goodbyes. I remember after this I had helped out Tiffany unpack and just reflect on our CalSO experience until she had to catch her flight back to SoCal.

7/19/16 - I had to accept the fact that Summer CalSO was over by going back to working at the Retirement Center. It was only once I got there did I realize that I forgot how to do a lot of the things I was taught...whoops

7/22/16 - Taking the next step to my ‘on-the-whim’ application process, I went in for my interview for the GBO Student Coordinator position. I saw all familiar faces of the Directors, Program Coordinator, Graduate Student Interns, and we had a nice time. Because I’ve been working with them for at least this past summer, I wasn’t nervous really and throughout the whole time I felt as if we were simply having a conversation (with me mostly talking about my answers of course). We shared smiles, lots of laughter, and reflection. I walked out thinking it was a great interview and left it up to the team to decide whether they liked my answers and/or if they saw me as a fit for their vision of the Student Coordinator team.

7/29/16 - Received a call from the Director of New Student Services telling me that she’d love to offer me the position as one of the Student Coordinators. Obviously I could not deny this opportunity!

8/11/16 - Heard back from Alta Bates Summit Medical Center that they have openings for shadowing an Occupational Therapist! Began the process to be a volunteer at this clinic.

8/11-14/16 - I took the small window of time I had before Fall responsibilities and went back home to LA. I didn’t really do much other than go to appointments and lay around home, but it was still nice to be back.

8/15-19/16 - Hot and disgusting; the two words I’ll describe my trip to Indiana, specifically Purdue University. As a Student Coordinator, the NSS department flew us all out to the midwest to observe and study Purdue’s orientation program as it mimics a model we want to transition into. I didn’t necessarily know what I was expecting from it, but it definitely blew my mind from the efficient way they dealt with 6,000+ students all at once. I ended the trip by getting back to Berkeley and making the Closing Ceremony of Makeup CalSO to see all my cherished leaders again (:

8/19/16 - Heard back from University Health Services, Tang Center, that they have an opening for volunteering under the Physical Therapy department! Began the process to be a volunteer at this clinic.

8/20-21/16 - Right after Indiana, OASES retreat was next. We went out an hour north of Berkeley for this. It was interesting being one of the facilitators for this retreat because for the most part, it was a lot of impromptu execution. But in the end, we were able to go through it all with a somewhat successful agenda.

8/24/16 - The first day of instruction for Fall 2016!

8/24/16 - My first ever interview for a Research Assistant at UC Berkeley! I thought I did okay...?

8/25/16 - I got an email saying that the LCD Lab at Berkeley wants me to be an RA at their lab! My first ever research position!!

8/27/16 - My first kendo practice after about half a year of break...wow it was weird being back. But I intend on being more active this semester!

8/28/16 - AFX Fall 2016 Auditions

8/30/16 - First All-Staff Meeting for GBO! All Coords got their office keys too and we all got the chance to go into the office ball pit!

9/5/16 - Got a call letting me know I got onto AFX Project: FTFO

9/7/16 - Went in for an interview to volunteer at Alta Bates Hospital under their Occupational Therapy department; everything went through with ease (:

9/13/16 - Went in for my first shift at UC Berkeley’s University Health Services Center: Tang Center, under their Physical Therapy department!

9/15/16 - Went in for my first shift at Alta Bates in Oakland under their Occupational Therapy department!

9/18/16 - Went in for the LCD Lab Orientation for new Research Assistants!....I remember being very sleepy that morning.

9/23/16 - NUFP Orientation and also GBO Coord + Pro Staff Retreat. I applied for the NUFP Mentorship on a whim because I wasn’t sure if Student Affairs is a career field I’d want to go into, but I figured I might as well expose myself a bit more just to broaden my perspective and decide from there. And for the retreat, we finally got a better understanding of what our position and the new model of orientation will entail! It was nice being back at the Alliance Redwoods campgrounds as a wave of nostalgia came by from CalSO Leader retreat. 

10/2/16 - Intersect Conference at UC Berkeley, a lowkey conference that emphasized the concept of intersectionality, diversity, and various forms of oppression. It was an interesting experience to say the least, getting put on the spot with pressure from some people once they found out Tanisha and I were Student Coords, but it was still informative nonetheless.

10/6/16 - Came back to Berkeley from Oakland to what I thought was a lunch with Serena, but I was incredibly oblivious that she actually set it up so that Scoop Squad can have an early birthday lunch for me at Great China. It was really nice to have this and my heart was definitely full. And later that day after practice....I got surprised again by them all caking me with whip cream. I remember seeing them in the corner of my eye when my whole team was already singing happy birthday to me and I just had to accept my fate )’:

10/7/16 - Tiffany surprised me (gross) with a birthday dinner picnic on the field next to Doe Library, prepping delicious food, music, and ambiance as we enjoyed an unofficial birthday date for the two of us.

10/8/16 - OASES Coord Social; gradually turned to a birthday celebration for me, but I also found out this night that I could fall asleep in a loud karaoke room

10/16/16 - GBO Mentor Non-CalSO Group Interviews!

10/31/16-11/4/16 - GBO Mentor Non-CalSO Individual Interviews!

11/5/16 - Movement Showcase with AFX FTFO!

11/6/16 - AFX FTFO Photoshoot at BAMPFA

11/9/16 - AFX Show and Tell

11/13/16 - GBO Mentor Reveal! Definitely a memorable night getting to see the group we’ll be supervising and having as role models for the Orientation Leaders (:

11/14/16 - Met up and had somewhat of a closure talk with Janice. It was a bittersweet talk we had, seeing someone I was so close to act and talk with such a distant tone. Updating me with little emotion attached to what was being said made me realize how far we grew apart to be.

11/19/16 - AFX Showcase with AFX FTFO!

11/20/16 - OASES CoRe (Coord Recruitment) Interviews and Deliberations; definitely went much better than last semester...LOL

11/21/16 - Sofia, Evan, and I met up to finally figure out groupings for the Coords to OMs! Excited to see how they bond together throughout this term.

11/22-27/16 - Started my Thanksgiving Break a bit early with Tiffany; spending my Thanksgiving away from family for the first time.

11/23/16 - Planned an entire day of adventuring around SF with Tiffany, starting off at the Embarcadero, walking through the city to Union Square, ice skating together, walking up and down treacherous hills to get to Little Italy for Sotto Mare, a delicious Italian seafood restaurant, and then ending the night with more incline up to Coit Tower where Tiff and I enjoyed a nice view of the Bay, and I (finally) asked her to be my girlfriend (she said yes!!). Without a doubt we were very tired and delusional (I also had a bad fever throughout the whole day but it’s fine) and I’m still surprised we were able to walk all the way back to the Embarcadero BART station to reach Berkeley and make it to my apartment.

11/24/16 - Cooked various sorts of dishes for our Thanksgiving meal for two. Oven baked biscuits, homemade mashed potatoes, oven roasted carrots, homemade gnocchi with string beans and alfredo pesto sauce, cornbread stuffing, pecan pie, and medium rare filet mignon (: Also some champagne, but we weren’t the biggest fan...

12/4/16 - OASES VAD, definitely gave me some feels. Was asked to come up with some choreography for the dance and it was fun being behind the scenes again and seeing everyone enjoying the celebration of the end of the semester.

12/5/16 - OASES LC Interviews and Deliberations!

12/6/16 - OASES CAD at Racha’s, delicious Thai food and great company with just the coord team. It was very heartwarming to end it all with gifts and speeches, probably the last OASES banquet I’ll attend. We ended the night with going to Iris’ apartment to drink and bond significantly more than we ever did anytime in the semester. It’s unfortunate that we only did here, but it definitely was a memorable night.

12/7/16 - OASES Last Coord Meeting of Fall 2016 :’(

12/12-16/16 - Fall 2016 Finals Week

12/17/16 - Went home with Daniel and his parents! Came in time to attend our high school friends annual Holiday Party (:

12/20/16 - In the morning, my parents and I went to court early for the hearing on filing a restraining order against my brother. Later that day, Katrina and I caught up and enjoyed each other’s company since the last time we were able to hang out.

12/22/16 - Daniel, Joanna, and I just relaxed and Daniel’s place with some of The Habit food and watched videos

12/24/16 - Biannual dentist check up in Torrance!

12/29/16 - Met up with Tiff and Christina in Torrance (: Started the day off with a late Christmas gift exchange. Tiff got me Orange + Dark Chocolate, FOUR POUND MILK CHOCOLATE, a portable phone charger, and A FREAKING HANDMADE DOG STUFFED ANIMAL LIKE WHAT THE HECK? And then she showed me around Torrance and Hermosa Beach. Then we ate at Din Tai Fung, well worth the wait (: Then we went on over to LA to see Downtown for a bit, enjoy the LA Zoo Lights, and then I took them over to the delicious Ave 26 Taco Stand. After all this was done, we called it a night and I drove them back to their car.

12/30/16 - Met up with Corliss; it’s been awhile since her and I have met up one on one, and it was nice! Satisfied craving for Hot Red Bus, Tpumps (Ptumps), and then we went on over to a mall in Arcadia to try Matcha Matcha (and look for joggers). Couldn’t find joggers that I liked so we then drove to Glendale Galleria and found joggers at Uniqlo. Went back to her place to enjoy some dinner and hours of some more existential talks about life. At some point it got way too cold and hazy, I needed to go back home

12/31/16-1/1/17 - What better way to end the year, than spending it in LA again for the third year in a row for the countdown? Tiff and Christina drove ALL THE WAY up to my house, so I had to show them around the Valley where I grew up and went to school/college and worked. From there, we went to K-Town to enjoy some filling Boiling Crab and continued to take the subway to Downtown to take them around on a tour around LA. It wasn’t long until the countdown came closer for us to find an ideal viewing spot and cheer on the remaining minutes of 2016.

And with all of that, 2016 has come to a close and 2017 will bring me new challenges and surely rise me up to new heights. I’ll be finishing up my undergraduate degree this year and prepping for another stage of my life. Can’t wait to see how 2017 will show to be.

It’s going to be an interesting year.

[patriotsnet]

What News Channel Do Republicans Watch

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/what-news-channel-do-republicans-watch/

What News Channel Do Republicans Watch

Us Election 2020: We Put Republicans And Democrats In A Group Chat

US election 2020

It started off cordially.

As Americans went to the polls, we put 12 Biden voters and 13 Trump voters in a group chat for a virtual watch party.

The Democrats , Republicans and Independents all agreed that this election campaign has been “the race that never ends”. But then the results started to come in, and tensions flared.

Indiana goes to Trump

Within minutes of the first polls closing, Indiana was called for President Donald Trump.

Momentum builds among Republicans

The text group started buzzing when Mr Trump took the lead in Florida. But not everyone shared the happiness.

Eyes turn to states in the upper Midwest

As the polls closed in Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin – states which Mr Trump took in 2016 – the races were all too close to call.

Andrew, an independent voter from Michigan who was undecided until the last minute and ultimately cast a vote for Biden, said he thought the president would lose in there.

Trump momentum sends Democrats to bed

Then a “red wave” of projections suggested wins for Republicans across the southern US.

Republicans in the chat shared photos of their watch parties, including one voter, Eliana, who said she was at a party indoors with 500 people.

The conversation that followed a few of the networks projecting Florida for Trump sent some weary and frustrated Democrats to bed.

Biden speaks, Trump tweets

The two candidates then told supporters that the fight would go on into Wednesday.

—

Compulsory Reductions In Meat Consumption

In April 2021, at least five Fox News and Fox Business personalities amplified a story published by the Daily Mail, a British tabloid, that incorrectly linked a university study to President Joe Biden’s climate change agenda, to falsely assert that Americans would be compelled to dramatically reduce their meat consumption to mitigate greenhouse gas emissions caused by . Fox News aired a graphic detailing the supposed compulsory reductions, falsely indicating the information came from the Agriculture Department, which numerous Republican politicians and commentators tweeted. Fox News anchor John Roberts reported, “say goodbye to your burgers if you want to sign up to the Biden climate agenda.” Days later, Roberts acknowledged on air that the story was false.

As Trump Separates From Fox News What’s Next For Both

As supporters of President Donald Trump gathered around the country in the past week to protest the election, a surprising chant could occasionally be heard: “Fox News sucks.”

The network has held a central role during Trump’s presidency, regularly hosting him on its various shows and featuring a slate of commentators who vociferously defend him. But that relationship began to show signs of strain in recent months, culminating in outright hostility from Trump after Fox News and The Associated Press became the first major media outlets to announce that former Vice President Joe Biden had won Arizona in the presidential race.

On Thursday, Trump took his anger at Fox News even further, claiming the network’s ratings had “collapsed,” which is untrue. On election night, ratings data from Nielsen showed that Fox News averaged 14.1 million viewers from 8-11 p.m. ET, a record for cable news coverage of a presidential election.

“Very sad to watch this happen,” Trump tweeted, “but they forgot what made them successful, what got them there. They forgot the Golden Goose.”

With Biden as president-elect, Fox News’ relationship with Trump and conservative America is at a crossroads. The conservative media landscape is far broader today than it was four years ago, and the rival networks that proliferated during Trump’s presidency could be eager to take on Fox News — possibly in concert with Trump. But any predictions of Fox News’ demise would be premature.

Coverage Of Russia Investigation

Special Counsel investigation

On October 30, 2017, when special counsel Robert Mueller indicted Paul Manafort and Rick Gates, and revealed George Papadopoulos had plead guilty , this was the focus of most media’s coverage, except Fox News’. Hosts and guests on Fox News called for Mueller to be fired. Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson focused their shows on unsubstantiated allegations that Clinton sold uranium to Russia in exchange for donations to the Clinton Foundation and on the Clinton campaign’s role in funding the Donald Trump–Russia dossier. Hannity asserted: “The very thing they are accusing President Trump of doing, they did it themselves.” During the segment, Hannity mistakenly referred to Clinton as President Clinton. Fox News dedicated extensive coverage to the uranium story, which Democrats said was an attempt to distract from Mueller’s intensifying investigation. CNN described the coverage as “a tour de force in deflection and dismissal”. On October 31, CNN reported Fox News employees were dissatisfied with their outlet’s coverage of the Russia investigation, with employees calling it an “embarrassment”, “laughable” and saying it “does the viewer a huge disservice and further divides the country” and that it is “another blow to journalists at Fox who come in every day wanting to cover the news in a fair and objective way”.

In 2020 The News Sources For Republicans And Democrats Were Very Different

In 2020, Pew Research found the news diet among Republicans and Democrats varied greatly. The lone … exception was on broadcast TV.

Last week the Pew Research Center released an American News Pathways project entitled; How Americans Navigate the News in 2020: A Tumultuous Year in Review. According to Pew, the purpose was to understand how Americans interacted with the news and information throughout the 2020, focusing on the pandemic and election. The data came from a yearlong undertaking consisting of ten separate surveys each with 9,000 or more U.S. adults, from November 2019 through December 2020.

It’s well known the political opinions of Americans has become more polarized, this has been reflected with their news sources. Pew found those Americans who identify themselves as Republican or as an independent that lean Republican often had a different news source, than Democrats or independent leaning Democrats. To some degree, the one common news source was the network TV newscasts. Even Republicans were divided among themselves, those that followed Donald Trump for news and information had a different viewpoint on the pandemic and election than those Republicans that didn’t follow Trump. Adding to all this was the prevalence of unproven news stories especially on social media. To say the least, 2020 was a raucous and unprecedented year for news. Here are some of the findings.

Poll: 78% Of Gop Fox News Viewers Say Trump Is Best President Ever

A new survey of the network’s watchers reveal the hard core of the Republican Party and how hopeless it is for Democrats to try and court them.

Photo Illustration by Sarah Rogers/The Daily Beast/Getty

Almost 8 in 10 Republicans who watch Fox News say Donald Trump is the most successful president in history.

That was just one finding of a new poll showing the deep ideological divide between Fox News viewers and everyone else. The poll results were provided to The Daily Beast by Navigator, a project launched by Democratic groups Global Strategy Group and GBA strategies. They surveyed more than 1,000 registered voters online with the goal of examining the differences in views between Fox News viewers and non-Fox viewers.

It comes after Democratic strategists have whether candidates and officeholders should appear on Trump’s favorite cable news channel to win over its regular viewers. Candidates like Sen. Amy Klobuchar have deliberately made efforts to speak to Fox News viewers, and the Democratic National Committee briefly entertained the idea of hosting a debate on Fox News before deciding against it.

But Thursday’s survey shows why many in the party have largely written off the network’s viewers as a lost cause.

The survey’s authors argue that the network presents an “alternate reality” in American politics, and plays an “outsized role in the way many experience and form opinions on the most important issues facing the country.”

How The Study Works

The coolest thing about this research is the methodology. It’s really hard to estimate the effects of media outlets on individuals’ behavior, as media consumption is a two-way street. Yes, media can change peoples’ opinions and behavior, but people also choose to consume particular media because it aligns with their opinions and affirms stuff they’re doing already.

And prior economic research on media bias has found that media outlets’ political stances are demand-driven: that is, they take the positions they do because they want to gain readers/listeners/viewers. In this interpretation, Fox News might just be producing segments depicting food stamp recipients as lazy lobster-eating surfers because their audience already hates food stamps and welfare programs and wants something with which to agree. Confirmation bias is a hell of a drug.

So figuring out that a given media outlet is changing viewers’ minds, rather than merely reflecting their viewpoints back to them, is tricky. But Martin and Yurukoglu figured out an ingenious way around that problem: channel ordering.

Especially combined with the prior, also rigorous research looking at Fox’s initial rollout, Martin and Yurukoglu’s paper provides powerful evidence that Fox News is a critically important actor in American politics. It’s doing more than serving a market need; it’s actively reshaping American public opinion.

A New Survey Reveals How Political Leanings Affect Our Tv Preferences For Starters Liberals Love Letterman And Conservatives Prefer Leno

“Americans’ partisan preferences don’t end with their thoughts on how to fix the economy,” says Lucy Madison at CBS News. Democrats and Republicans have very different TV viewing habits, too. The specifics are outlined in a new survey from consumer researcher firm Experian-Simmons, which prepared the report for Entertainment Weekly. Here, four lessons about the relationship between politics and the boob tube:

1. There’s a late-night partisan divideThe Dave Letterman-Jay Leno rivalry has gotten political. The survey reveals that Democrats prefer watching The Late Show with David Letterman, while Republicans favor The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. And the differences are polarizing, says Madison. “Not infrequently, a show beloved by one party is reviled by the other.” Case in point: The Daily Show and The Colbert Report topped liberals’ list of favorites, but are among conservatives’ least favorite shows.

2. The differences in comedy tastes reinforce stereotypes“Literate media-savvy comedies” that rely on “sarcastic humor,” like 30 Rock and Parks and Recreation, score high with Democrats, Experian-Simmons senior marketing manager John Fetto tells Entertainment Weekly. On the other hand, more traditional comedies, like ABC’s The Middle, are popular with Republicans. Not appearing on either party’s list of faves? Two and a Half Men. “Just who are the 20 million people watching that crap every week?” says Brian Moylan at Gawker.

Republican Vs Democrat Survey: Who Watches The Best Tv Shows

Republicans don’t watch MTV’s Jersey Shore. But they dig ABC’s Castle.

Democrats don’t like Discovery’s Deadliest Catch. But they swoon for NBC’s Parks and Recreation.

Those are a few of the findings from an annual research survey by that measures the consumer preferences of various political ideologies. In a report prepared exclusively for EW, the company calculated some of the favorite — and least favorite — TV shows of political partisans.

In the findings, “sarcastic” media-savvy comedies and morally murky antiheroes tend to draw Dems. While serious work-centered shows , along with reality competitions, tend to draw conservatives.

Focusing on well-known cable and broadcast original entertainment series , here’s who wins the 2011 prime-time primaries:

LIBERAL-DEMOCRAT FAVORITES:

—The Daily Show With Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report : As you might expect.

—30 Rock and Parks and Recreation : Literate media-savvy comedies score high among Dems in general, notes Experian-Simmons senior marketing manager John Fetto. “Sarcastic humor is always a hook for them,” he adds.

—The View : Shows that skew female tend to do better among Dems, while male-friendly shows tend to do perform higher among Republicans.

—Glee

—Modern Family : Last year, the progressive Glee and Modern Family scored surprisingly strong among both political leanings. Among conservatives this year, the shows still do fairly well, but have dropped out of their top ranks.

—It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

What The Best 2020 Post

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Some of the most substantial daylight we observed between Fox News Republicans and far-right news Republicans was on their beliefs around conspiracy theories — especially the core beliefs of QAnon. Overall, 23 percent of Republicans mostly or completely agree with the core QAnon tenet that “the government, media, and financial worlds in the U.S. are controlled by a group of Satan-worshipping pedophiles who run a global child sex trafficking operation.” But Republicans who trust mainstream news sources or Fox News were actually the least likely to believe in the main QAnon conspiracy theory, with just 19 percent and 17 percent, respectively. Meanwhile, Republicans who don’t watch television news, which notably includes those who get news solely from online sources, were considerably more likely to believe in a system run by Satanist pedophiles . But by far, the Republicans who were most likely to believe in QAnon were those who trusted far-right news sources .

related:Why Being ‘Anti-Media’ Is Now Part Of The GOP Identity Read more. »

Media preferences don’t explain all the differences we see among Republicans; as noted, on the question of the “Big Lie,” Fox News Republicans are very much not in sync with Republicans who get their news from mainstream news outlets, even if they do hold this belief less strongly than Republicans who get their news from far-right outlets. 

The Difference Between Which News Outlets Republicans And Democrats Trust

Americans are divided by political party on which news sources they trust, according to the latest Economist/YouGov Poll. 

Most Republicans trust Fox News, the only news organization to receive a majority of GOP support in the survey. One-third of Republicans trust The Wall Street Journal, while one-third are neutral on whether the newspaper is trustworthy. A quarter  of Republicans trust One America News Network, a conservative broadcast organization that has been elevated by President Donald Trump and the White House in recent months. 

Trump has promoted OANN as a “great alternative” to Fox News — though, OANN hasn’t usurped the media giant among Republicans overall. About one-third of Fox News viewers trust OANN, compared to 15 percent of Americans overall. OANN is frequently criticized for spreading disproven conspiracy theories and misinformation that President Trump has re-circulated on his Twitter account.  

Despite this, OANN remains more trusted among Republicans than The Washington Post , The New York Times , CNN , and MSNBC . A majority of Republicans actively distrust CNN , MSNBC , and The New York Times  — each of which are outlets that have received frequent attacks and threats from the president for not providing favorable coverage to his administration.  

Two-thirds of Democrats actively distrust Fox News, while 14 percent trust the network. About half  of Democrats remain neutral on OANN, though about two in five consider it untrustworthy.  

Image: Getty 

Democrats And Republicans Split On Political Content On Late Night But Jimmy Fallon Is Americas Favorite Host

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58% of the public has a favorable opinion of Jimmy Fallon, and 55% have a favorable opinion of “The Tonight Show.”

62% of Republicans don’t like when late-night hosts discuss politics, while an equal share of Democrats do.

As Stephen Colbert’s more political “Late Show” begins to top Jimmy Fallon’s “Tonight Show” in the ratings, new polling shows Democrats and Republicans almost diametrically opposed on their views of late-night political content, indicating that it might be difficult for networks to find a late-night show to please all audiences.

The March 7-10 Morning Consult/The Hollywood Reporter found that Fallon was the fan favorite among 2,201 adults, having the highest favorability at 58 percent. Fallon was also the most popular late-night host among Republicans, with 48 percent viewing him favorably, and the second-most popular among Democrats, coming in 1 percentage point behind Jimmy Kimmel of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” who had a favorability of 73 percent. The margin of error for the Democratic subsample was 3 percentage points, and the margin of error for the Republican subsample was 4 percentage points.

Fallon’s “Tonight Show” had the highest share of talk-show favorability among the public , as well as among Democrats and Republicans .

Report That Biden Administration Was Building Trump Wall

According to analysis by Media Matters, on May 12, 2021, Fox News reported on its website, “Border lie — Biden resumes border wall construction after promising to halt it.” Correspondent Bill Melugin then appeared on Special Report with Bret Baier to report “the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is actually going to be restarting border wall construction down in the Rio Grande Valley” after “a lot of blowback and pressure from local residents and local politicians.” After the Corps of Engineers tweeted a clarification, Melugin deleted a tweet about the story and tweeted an “update” clarifying that a levee wall was being constructed to mitigate damage to flood control systems caused by uncompleted wall construction, and the website story headline was changed to “Biden administration to resume border wall levee construction as crisis worsens.” Later on Fox News Primetime, host Brian Kilmeade briefly noted the levee but commented to former Trump advisor Stephen Miller, “They’re going to restart building the wall again, Stephen.” Fox News host Sean Hannity later broadcast the original Melugin story without any mention of the levee.

Americans Use Of A News Outlet Does Not Always Mean They Trust It

Even as Republicans and Democrats sort themselves into different news universes, there are a few sources that are used by large numbers on both sides.

A deeper analysis reveals, however, that getting political news from a source does not always mean one trusts it. Indeed, some people report getting news from sources they also say they distrust. This is particularly true among Republicans. For example, among the 24% of Republicans who said they got political and election news from CNN in the last week, about four-in-ten say they distrust CNN. Conversely, among the 53% of Democrats who use CNN, just 4% distrust it.

Similarly, for each of the three major commercial broadcast networks, about two-in-ten Republicans who got political news from these outlets in the past week also say they distrust that source .

And while relatively small numbers of Republicans got news from MSNBC , The New York Times and The Washington Post in the past week, of those who did, 45% distrust The Washington Post, 38% distrust The New York Times and 37% distrust MSNBC.

For Democrats, the data tells a different story. With one exception, few Democrats say they got news in the past week from sources they distrust. The exception is Fox News. Nearly one-quarter of Democrats got news there in the past week. And of those who did, 27% say they do not trust the cable channel as a source of information about the election and politics.

Lebron James Net Worth Revealed And Spoiler Hes Not A Billionaire

In the survey, Pew also looked at the affect former President Donald Trump had on Republicans as a news source with the pandemic and election. About 30% of Republicans had used Trump as their primary source for the two top news events. The Republicans that relied on Trump had a different perspective than those Republicans that didn’t.

Two takeaways on the impact of Trump were:

·        Republicans that had relied on Trump for COVID-19 news followed the pandemic and Presidential task force more closely than other Republicans. They were more likely to say the pandemic was overblown and the media covered it poorly. In September 2020, 89% of Republicans that depended on Trump for news on COVID-19 thought the U.S. had controlled the pandemic as well as it could, compared to 59% for the other Republicans. That 30% difference continued into November.

Those respondents who relied primarily on social media for news, knew less about current events and more familiar with false claims and unconfirmed stories about the pandemic and election. According to Pew, 18% of Americans received most of their political news on social media, a percentage greater than local TV at 16%, cable TV at 16%, network TV at 13% and radio at 8% . Moreover, those Americans that relied on social media for news, did not follow the pandemic and election as closely.

The Tucker Carlson Fans Who Got Vaxxed

I asked vaccinated fans of the Fox News host what it will take to get more Republicans to get their shots.

Late last month, as the Delta variant of the coronavirus filled hospitals across the under-vaccinated South, Tucker Carlson took to his usual perch as the most-watched host on the most-watched cable-news network, just asking questions about the COVID-19 vaccines. “Tonight, congressional Democrats have called for a vaccine mandate in Congress,” Carlson said, as if flabbergasted by every word. “Members and staffers would be required to get a shot that the CDC told us today doesn’t work very well and, by the way, whose long-term effects cannot be known.”

Carlson’s Facebook followers commented eagerly on the video clip, spreading unfounded fears about vaccination among themselves. “Completely disappointed in our government, don’t believe a word they speak! Will not get the shot!” one person . Together, Carlson and his viewers are a placenta and embryo, gestating dangerous ideas and keeping the pandemic alive.

It’s no secret that Carlson’s audience, and Fox’s, are overwhelmingly Republican and right-wing. And in after , Republicans are much less likely than Democrats to say they have been vaccinated and much more likely to say they definitely won’t be vaccinated. The partisan gap in vaccinations has only grown over time.

Republicans Migrate To Fox

To some extent, these patterns reflect the migration of Republicans toward the Fox News Channel and away from other TV news sources. Between 1998 and 2008, the share of Republicans saying they regularly watch Fox News rose 22 points, from 14% to 36%. Meanwhile, the share who regularly watch network evening news fell 15 points and the share who regularly watch CNN declined by eight points.

There also has been movement in the regular viewing habits of Democrats. The share of Democrats who regularly watch CNN increased from 25% to 33% between 1998 and 2008, and the share of Democrats who regularly watch MSNBC increased from 10% to 18%. Notably, the share of Democrats who say they regularly watch the Fox News Channel has remained largely unchanged over the past decade .

From 1998 through 2002 there was little difference in the share of Democrats and Republicans using these sources regularly. But in 2004, Republicans moved sharply away from CNN and toward the Fox News Channel. In the 2008 survey, 33% of Democrats regularly watched CNN compared with 17% of Republicans, while 36% of Republicans and 21% of Democrats regularly watched Fox News.

Americans Are Divided By Party In The Sources They Turn To For Political News

Mark JurkowitzAmy MitchellElisa ShearerMason Walker

To a large degree, the pattern of partisan polarization that emerges in attitudes about the credibility of news sources is also evident in the sources that Republicans and Democrats rely on for news about politics and the election.

Overall, Republicans get political and election news from a smaller group of sources than Democrats, with an overwhelming reliance on one source – Fox News. Democrats , on the other hand, use a wider range of sources.

Six-in-ten Republicans say they got news from the Fox News cable network in the past week. After Fox News, there is a huge gap before the next most turned-to sources – ABC News, NBC News and CBS News, all at similar levels .

Despite Republicans’ deep distrust of CNN, it is among the more commonly used sources among Republicans, with 24% who got political news there in the past week. Next come the radio shows of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh . No other source tops 15% among Republicans.

On the Democratic side, CNN is turned to by the greatest portion, with 53% saying they got political news there in the past week. As is the case with Republicans, the three major commercial broadcast networks are the next most turned to sources of political news for Democrats, albeit in bigger doses — NBC , ABC and CBS .