#but there's much gay to be found in the angst as well so i'll surely be back next week | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

l223m0nade · 1 month ago

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Bees (a stucky au snzfic)

ok ok

so I saw this random thing on a tumblr post:

and it got its Stucky-idea hooks so deep in my brain. It just did. And the thing is my deepest inspo is honestly in the land of snz. (This fic kind of ends abruptly sorry but i want to do more and it'll probably end up on Ao3 w like a M or E rating 😳🫣 when and if that happens i'll link to it)

Stucky au, no powers, age gap, what I'm picturing in my head goes less with the words "silver fox Steve" and more with the words "dorky Dilf Steve" like 2012 Cap fashion with current Chris Evans face? in..a good way? and longhair early-20s burnout Bucky. I have some backstory headcanons that are just hinted at here, hopefully it's tantalizing rather than confusing.

anyway have 11.5k words of this and encourage me to write more bc i have fallen in love with these particular boyz. Some light existential angst but mainly idiots pining aka the sweetest sauce

~Fic~

Sam isn’t sure how much longer he can allow this to go on. His barback and the new semi-regular square dude are once again being all awkwardly flirty while pretending they’re not, like two sad lonely white...ducks, who never learned a mating dance and have zero game.

At least Square Dude has an excuse: he’s the most obvious newly-divorced newly-out family-type guy Sam’s ever seen. He’s clean-cut, with a ridiculously handsome square jaw, wearing well-made but unstylish button-down shirts and pants that make him look like he belongs in a Norman Rockwell painting. He started coming in about two months ago, quiet, friendly when ordering his one or two beers of the evening, and firmly shy when it comes to the inevitable overtures sent his way. It doesn’t take a genius to see that this is him dipping a first toe into the pool: coming to a relatively quiet gay bar, just to sit and watch men talk to each other and let the whole notion sink in.

By now most guys would’ve found someone to spread their wings with or gone elsewhere to find em, but Square Dude, whose name is Steve, seems content to talk to the guy who pours his beer about whatever DIY project Bucky is pulling questions out of his ass about.

The crush is painfully obvious, and suburban closeted Steve can’t be blamed for having no deal-sealing abilities, but Bucky has no such excuse. Sam has watched him pull stiff-backed business bros in five minutes flat when the mood struck him, with his big blue puppy eyes and his dark wicked smirk and long lean slouch. But with Steve all he appears capable of doing is asking him questions about crown molding as though those words mean anything to him while gazing at him like he’s beaming the words You could fix me directly into Steve’s skull. Steve, for his part, just doesn’t seem to be able to look anywhere other than Bucky.

As usual, anyone that tries to strike anything beyond a friendly conversation is kindly but firmly rebuffed. “He’s not ready for that yet,” Bucky had insisted with unnecessary defensiveness when Sam implied it was time for the new guy to move from spectating to participating in the relatively mellow flirting and hookup scene the bar played host to most evenings. “People go at their own pace.”

“The only pace he’s going at is towards you,” Sam smirked. Bucky glowered at his implication. “You gotta make it weird. He comes here to, like, practice. I’m part of that, in a chill, friendly way.” He shrugged and looked at the glass he was drying. “When he is ready, it’s not gonna be for me, it’s gonna be for someone actually in his league, like a...hot college professor, or something.” Sam had rolled his eyes and resolved to stop trying to help Bucky Barnes flail around in his mess of a love life anymore, for the hundredth or so time.

Tonight is busy enough that Sam can mostly be distracted from this bad sitcom, and not so busy that he has to yell at Barnes for being distracted. Still, there are a couple empties on tables in the Steve-less side of the bar, and after finishing the drinks for the people in front of him he turns, catching Bucky’s voice, in a tone of delight he uses when speaking with only one person, saying “Wait. Seriously? Bees?”

“Yeah!” Steve responds, equally puppyish. He’s tall and broad, sandy hair and beard just beginning to show a hint of salt-and-pepper. He looks like anyone’s fantasy fireman or lumberjack, at least in the context of a place like this. He also exudes genuine sweetness and vulnerability despite his intimidating muscled height.

Bucky Barnes, Sam’s barback and old friend, leans against the bar doing the helpless-goober-with-a-crush stare, a look on his face like Steve just announced he was a Nobel Prize winner. “No way. How do you keep bees? Just as, what, a casual hobby? That’s, like, a whole thing, you can’t be an expert in so many things!”

Bucky is all shaggy longish dark hair and stupid cheap graphic t-shirts, with a striking, animated face that is used mainly for sarcasm. He and Sam had been at the same high school a few blocks away, though Sam is older, and in the funny way of life they’ve wound up good friends. He’s working at Sam’s place because, in his words, he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing with his life. Bucky’s going through his own version of one of those fairly bleak lost periods of 20-something misery, but he’s smart and not a drunk and decent at what he does for Sam, and if he bangs a third of the customers he does it discreetly enough. Sam never knew dark-blond, broad-shouldered, bass-voice sad-eyed dudes pushing 40 were the kryptonite that made him unable to do anything including flirt, until Steve came in one day and Bucky sprayed himself with the keg he was tapping.

Steve chuckles— is this man blushing? “Oh no, I’m nowhere near an expert. But it’s pretty easy once they get established. Don’t need much from you. I’m not, uh, living at the place with the backyard where the hives are, right now….so….but they’ll be fine without me.”

Steve gets a little quiet and Bucky’s fangirl expression dims with distressed sympathy. It gets sad like this sometimes when talking to Steve. Recently divorced guys had this problem, where everything came back to the one topic. Steve’s not doing it pathologically, didn’t seem like, just genuinely realizing another change. Bucky looks stricken. He doesn’t always seem young, at newly 24, but sometimes it still shows.

Sam finally manages to catch his eye away from gazing at Steve to convey a quick head jerk of get-the-hell-over-there-and-do-the-job-I-pay-you-for, and Bucky peels himself away with an apologetic smile at Steve. Sam picks up the conversation with Steve as Bucky clears tables at top speed, hearing how he’s renting a place month-to-month not far away, not able to plan something more permanent just yet. He doesn’t say anything revealing, but it’s still easy to paint a picture of a small, empty apartment. Bucky’s not the only one with a soft spot for this guy, and Sam is warmed by the thought that his little bar offers him respite.

………………..

“That’s so sad,” moans Bucky a few days later. It’s just after opening on a weekday afternoon, and Bucky seemed quieter than usual so Sam is tantalizing him with what he learned talking to Steve the other day. “Did he say—you know he has kids?”

“Yeah, I know,” Sam answers. He’d been as offhand as a person could be about that sort of thing, but it wasn’t hard to see how he really felt. He was standing in the rubble of a sincere loving marriage to a woman with whom he had two 11-year old twins. Helped explain his rectitude when it came from moving from his spot at the bar, meeting someone other than the staff. Bucky’s eyes are pools of sympathetic anguish and Sam feels the need to say, “This kinda stuff happens to people, Buck,” earning an eye-roll for his patronizing efforts. “It’s good he’s coming here, learning about himself. I think you help a lot, for the record.”

Bucky starts and gives him a bewildered look. “What?”

This is aging him. Sam sighs, “He’s lonely. Maybe feels kinda lost right now.”

Bucky’s mouth gets a pained downward slant to it.

“He. Likes. You.”

At that, of course, Bucky gets uncomfortable, blushing and moving off to wipe tables somewhere away from Sam, rubbing his nose and clearing his throat like he’s been doing since he got there. He brightens when Steve comes in an hour later, and Sam rolls his eyes and leaves them to their game of mouse-and-mouse.

Steve is telling Bucky... how window insulation works. He thinks he asked, he hopes to god he did, at least. He’s been embarrassing himself for weeks, coming to this place almost every day. He’s kept it pretty well under wraps that although he liked the neighborhood simplicity, and talking to Sam, and got comfortable after the first few visits, the real reason he’s there more evenings than not is to see Bucky. With his bright grey-blue eyes and dark hair hanging past his chin, swinging against his cheekbones, with his smile and wicked sense of humor and his confounding ease in himself, the ease that gives Steve despair and hope for himself. With that mouth and that divot in his chin, and those last two thoughts are not allowed, because the need to put his thumb into that dot in his sculpted chin and kiss those ridiculously pink lips is urgent and unthinkable.

He doesn’t do that, he just sits and pines and chats awkwardly with him, and gets to know a few other regular guys and talks sports with Sam. He just likes talking to Bucky, it’s easy, easy like nothing has been in a long time, and he’s a creep, he’s a pathetic older guy using his experience to take advantage of a younger guy—

Only, he’s not actually experienced here, at all. And Bucky is so smart, he’s self-deprecating about it but it’s not like he and Steve aren’t generally on the same level beyond his inner glossary of home improvement terminology. He downplays the fact that he knows cars like an expert, insists the stuff Steve learned from keeping up an old house and the hobbies he picked up to stay sane is somehow far more impressive— Steve’s pretty sure he’s doing it on purpose, to make him feel less adrift and clueless. He has that way about him, of someone who looks after other people without realizing it.

Things were all dark there for a while, with the end of his marriage to Peggy. But he’s pretty sure he and Bucky are friends, and he feels bright when he sees him.

Tonight, though, Bucky seems just a little worn down. He’s wearing a waffle-knit shirt under his incomprehensible-thorny-calligraphy-t-shirt, as though he’s cold, and his eyes are tired. Steve waits for a reply to the last thing he said and looks to see Bucky with a dazed, spaced-out expression, before he shakes his head and rubs his nose, saying “Sorry, I thought I was gonna sneeze, what’d you say?”

Talking about the goddamn weather and window insulation was segueing into a real conversation, to Steve’s delight: “How my mom moved us out to Jersey so we could live somewhere better and I never forgave her.” Bucky gives a wide-eyed grimace of agreement and he can’t help the bright laugh that bursts out of him. “How about you, you grow up in the city?” He’d inadvertently spilled his guts about the divorce on like his third time in the bar, something that humiliated him to think of but Sam had simply said with an understanding face wasn’t too unusual, so Bucky knew the basics about Peggy and the twins, but Steve had felt clumsy asking Bucky about himself.

He rolled his eyes with his problematically attractive crooked grin and answered, “Aw man, I grew up practically around the block from this place. Went to high school at the big catholic cinderblock in the neighborhood. I was at school on the west coast for a couple years, but…” His eyes cast downward. “now I’m back.”

Steve remembers how bad it felt at that age, to not have accomplished enough fast enough. Saying that will make him sound like an old grey dad and even if that’s what he is he can still hold out a little hope of being something different here, so he just says, “Brooklyn’s a good hometown to come back to.”

That makes Bucky smile at him and look him in the eye, like he liked what Steve said, even like it made him feel better. Steve tamps his answering grin down to reasonable levels.

Bucky’s also been rubbing at his nose on and off this whole time, and he can see it give a little twitch right before he breathes out a “scuse-me” through hitching breaths, his eyes flickering closed. He pushes his nose firmly into his long-sleeved elbow. “hhh-hh-tdschuh!” He sneezes quietly and muffled. “Oh, snf, sorry,” he says, blinking and emerging from his elbow but not lowering it, the hazy ticklish look still on his face, breaths hitching. “Another—hhh—‘nother one?” He freezes, looking up at the overhead lights, nostrils flared, but after a second he deflates with a sigh. “Nope, nevermind. Snff.” Steve’s guts swoop. This crush is so unsustainable. He’s gonna fail to be cool and friendly and he’ll have to watch Bucky go all uncomfortable and pitying as he explains to Steve that he has six hot boyfriends who are not almost-forty almost-virgin losers who only know how to take up his time when he’s trying to work. According to his therapist these “harangues of negativity” are “unhelpful.” But Bucky looks tired and a little pale and like his nose is going to start turning pink and Steve is just trying to survive.

“Bless you,” Steve says softly in his gentle voice that’s so deep it takes Bucky by surprise and makes his stomach flutter every time he talks to him. He feels like he might be blushing.

“Thanks,” it comes out husky and he clears his throat hard, moving to the little sink to wash his hands.

“Allergies, or…?” Steve ventures, a little divot between his eyebrows of concern-more-like-pity.

“I dunno, something’s bothering my nose today,” he says lightly with a shrug. In truth Bucky has a good idea what’s making him sneeze. The fucking radiator that was supposed to heat his cheap shitty basement apartment had stopped working in the middle of the night, so he’d spent six hours until dawn shivering, and an itchy tickly feeling had been growing in the back of his nose and throat since around noon. It’s starting to evolve into a runny nose and an ever-present but elusive feeling of being about to sneeze, and he knows that means he’s coming down with a cold.

He sees some convenient glasses to clear and excuses himself with a smile so he can sniffle out of Steve’s earshot; he’s enough of a mess compared to Steve on his best day, he doesn’t need to show off his scraggly urchin runny nose aesthetic of tonight any more than he has to.

For the next hour, these light, tickly sneezes either sneak up on him or abandon him at the last minute, leaving his nose feeling like it’s going to start getting stuffy.

Steve watches Bucky do his job, sniffling, rubbing his nose, and sneezing furtively into his sleeve or collar; tucking the strands of hair that have come loose from his short ponytail behind his ears, and feels so helplessly tender for him that it can’t be normal or healthy even by desperate crush standards.

Bucky’s coming down with a cold. He seems to want to brush it off, but Steve can hear a slight change in the resonance of his voice that gives it away even if the tired pink starting to border his eyes and nostrils doesn’t. The place is getting crowded and he’s busy; Steve feels for him, as well as pathetically jealous of his attention as he banters with him in passing once in a while.

He glances up as Bucky heads in his direction with a short stack of empty glasses and sees his steps slow; he pauses, blinks up at the overhead light, eyes hazy, and then, wavering, starts to turn his face into his shoulder, before pausing again and then sighing and sniffing as the sneeze evaporates. He looks up and sees Steve watching him like a creep and laughs, “Damn, lost her,” and then as he continues behind the bar, “You havin’ fun watching me look stupid?”

“It’s agony actually,” he responds, gets a laugh, and feels the now-somewhat-familiar internal squeal of this is flirting! I’m flirting with a guy and I think he can tell! It’s painfully pathetic, but he can’t help but track the fact that Bucky knows plenty of the folks that come to Sam’s, that he’ll give anyone his attention if they ask for it, smiling and joking, but the only person he really goes out of his way to talk to, initiates teasing with, is him, Steve. It’s still nothing more than polite obligatory chatting, he’s sure— when you work at a bar this kinda thing is natural. Bucky is young and charismatic and gorgeous. His love life would probably give Steve enough combined envy and jealousy to cause heart failure, which would be perfectly appropriate because he is an old square divorcee. It makes him warm and bubbly enough that he seems to be Bucky’s favorite customer to pass the time with.

A guy down the bar gets his beer from Sam and sidles closer. “This seat taken?” he asks with a good-humored cocked eyebrow. This is why Steve actually started coming to this place: to meet people, to meet guys, in a way that, well, went somewhere. To call his own decades-old bluff. Not to moon over staff half his age who woulda been out of his league even if he was still in his twenties. He turns to the guy—his age or a few years older, attractively lithe with muscle, a hard but handsome face, and smiles.

Bucky gets busy for a stretch— Sam’s place is actually full tonight thanks to the playoff game. He enjoys the feeling of being a genuinely necessary part of the bar’s operation, when some nights it’s hard to believe he’s more than Sam’s charity case. Nights like this remind him that he has a real job, he’s decent at it even with a bum left arm; whether he’s living out his dreams or not he’s an adult with a job, a place to live, and people he cares about. Plus it distracts him from feeling sorry for himself for coming down sick.

His satisfied feelings fade when he looks over to the Steve end of the bar and sees Brock Rumlow talking to him. He scowls. Fucking Rumlow. He only ever comes on nights with games these days, but Bucky would be perfectly happy if he never came in at all.

It’s fine. Steve’s fine. He is a grown-up, significantly more of one than Bucky. Of all the people who have no need of his misplaced ineffectual chivalry, Steve has got to be last in line.

Maybe he finds more stuff to do in the general area of that end of the bar, and maybe he’s listening for Rumlow to say something dickish, or maybe he’s just a masochist and he wants to know firsthand if they hit it off. Sam is trying to point his “Don’t-be-Stupid” face at him like a flashlight beam but he resolutely ignores it while he replaces a couple bottles that legitimately needed it, ok, just because they’re in a convenient place doesn’t make that untrue.

“Yeah, I’m glad I found this place,” he catches Steve’s cheerful voice. A wave of bar noise obscures their next words, and then he makes out Rumlow,

“—actual sports on the TV. ‘Course,” the smile is audible in his voice, “the clubby places are good for at least one reason, y’know?” He quiets down to say it but not enough. Steve wouldn’t particularly like that, Bucky guesses, and then grinds his teeth as his brain helpfully supplies him with the memories of how easily Brock had charmed him, months ago. It wasn’t any kind of nightmare, but it was still probably his least favorite hookup to date: he’d been so happily focused on Bucky at first, then rough and selfish in bed, capped off by an unnecessarily clear implication that he wouldn’t be calling. Bucky knew the score with casual sex, but it had still given him enough whiplash to sting; it crossed his mind a few days later that it had been like Rumlow wanted him to feel like a dumb kid.

Steve has sputtered something about “not sure he’s looking for anything like that” while Bucky fumed about the past. He has to grab beers for a couple guys, and bending to get in the lowboy fridge makes his nose run suddenly, and flush with an insistent tickle. He manages, just barely, to squash the sneeze completely into a silent mmp! into his shoulder, andmakes a getaway to the bathroom. He blows his nose, but it won’t stop tickling, so then he stands there like an idiot, holding paper towels like they’re a book he’s reading, staring up into the lights and waiting to coax the sneeze out.

He can feel it coming but it still takes forever. At least the bathroom is empty. He wrinkles his nose exaggeratedly and sniffs and his breath finally starts to catch.

“hehh...heh...heh—heh-Uhh....huhh. Fuck.” There’s no way it’s not happening though, his goddamn nose tickles so bad— “hhHAh—EHSsschhooo!” It’s a ridiculous cartoony sneeze but at least it’s satisfying. He blows his nose again, then sighs. He’s definitely sick. Gonna be great sleeping in a freezing apartment. Turning into kind of a shitty night, he thinks with sarcastic pep.

When he leaves the restroom he can’t help glancing over to where Steve sits, and sees he’s now frowning at whatever Rumlow’s saying, looking politely uncomfortable on the way to annoyed. As he drifts back into earshot he hears, “….fun, but, if you’re looking for more than, um, casual, I dunno, kind of a dead end.” Then his pulse jumps as Rumlow looks right at him and finishes, “not dating material, trust me. Either way,” he leans in, “I think you can do better.”

Bucky closes the distance but puts himself behind the bar so he doesn’t immediately clock the asshole. His fists are clenched. Can he throw him out? If he doesn’t get away from Steve and shut up Bucky’s gonna end up fired and charged with assault, probably, but he doesn’t know if he can throw someone out on the grounds of being a jerk that he hates. Thank God, Sam’s caught on that something is up.

Rumlow doesn’t seem to have won Steve over, in any case. He’s turned cold and hard in a way that makes him look unfamiliar, and he says quietly but very clearly, “I think you’ve got the wrong idea.” He sounds like a straight Army Captain contemptuously shattering an underling’s heart immediately post-office-suckjob or something; in the morass of anger and panic it still registers with Bucky’s dick to his utter bewilderment. It definitely triggers some core memory for Rumlow, who turns the color of old milk before flushing and standing. He takes in the sight of Bucky glowering behind Steve and barks an ugly laugh. “It’s like that, huh?” he asks, shaking his head in mock pity. “Good luck with that rescue mission.”

Bucky feels like he did when Hank Ackerman pantsed him in 8th grade. Everything’s too bright and clear. He wants to cover his face and run into the back, but he’s rooted to the spot by the thought that that’s just what the dumb baby slut Rumlow’s been making him out to be would do.

“That’s it man,” Sam comes up beside him, smile on his face as though he’s just casually joining their conversation. “You’re done. Get outta here.”

Rumlow scoffs, takes a step towards the door, then turns with the beginning of a macho intimidation-lean in Sam’s direction. He’s hammered, Bucky hadn’t realized, and he can usually tell with people. He’s...kind of fucking scary. Had he gotten rougher around the edges, or had he been like this when Bucky went home with him? Jesus Christ.

Sam just returns his stare, all semblance of friendliness gone from his face. “Get out.”

Rumlow glares another second, but then he goes. There’s a reason Sam’s successful running a bar in the middle of the still-managing-to-be-seedy part of Brooklyn, as well as his finely tuned sensibilities to the unmet needs of Brooklyn’s grownup queer folks. He has the air, recognizable to serious troublemakers, of someone who will absolutely meet and raise any escalation. There were, in fact, a taser and a gun behind the bar, but Sam had never had to use them.

Steve stands up sharply, like he’s—what, gonna follow? Bucky opens his mouth to protest, but then—“Steve.” Sam’s got the side bar entry folded up and he’s intercepting his angry stride. “Please don’t.” He goes on, too quiet for Bucky to make out. Steve deflates and sits back down, taking a long drink of beer and then frowning at his knees.

Bucky consciously lets go of his tension as he sees Rumlow’s silhouette, walking outside, disappear from the last window on the right. He feels shaky, the way any kind of confrontation leaves him, and embarrassed as hell. He avoids Steve’s eyes for all he’s worth, scrubbing a hand under his nose and sniffing sharply.

Steve was just a customer. Bucky was just one of many people that Steve made polite conversation with in the course of a day. Feeling like this was just a consequence of getting that confused. Because he’s an idiot. He has to sniffle again. He also feels about ten times sicker than he did a few minutes ago, and successfully blinking away the brief prickle in his eyes just turns it into the need to sneeze.

Steve tries to breathe smoothly and calm down. This frat-boy rage is ridiculous, he still wants to go punch the hell out of that fucking creep. He must be drunker than he realizes, although deep down he knows it has more to do with the inarticulate surge of protectiveness he’d felt for Bucky since the guy had gestured to him with a jerk of his head as he crossed the room.

He hears a shuddering gasp and sees Bucky duck down to crouch behind the bar. His concern flares way up, but then he hears the three muffled sneezes, all in a rush, “hhhMPtchsh—hmptsschoo—hptsshhuh,”. He straightens back up, sniffing hard, more wetly than he sounded earlier. He’s rubbing his nose and glaring at the door, not looking at Steve.

“Bucky,” he says, frowning, determined to get this across, “what that asshole said about you—”

“Steve, snff, it’s fine, just drop it, okay, I’m asking you,” he meets Steve’s eyes with a downcast expression, before it flickers as his breath catches, and he sneezes again, half-pinched down into the collar of his shirt, “ihh-dtsschuh!”

His nostrils keep quivering and he lets out a shaky sigh of frustration before ducking around the corner out of sight with his hands tented over his nose and sneezing, “hiih-hih-HIDtschoo!...hih-HIH-TISchoo! ..heehh...heh—HEH—” the last one deserts him and leaves him sniffling. They’re still pretty quiet, but a lot heavier and spraying than the first sneezes Steve heard earlier. Bucky blows his nose and washes his hands thoroughly, and when he’s back behind the bar his nose is decidedly pink.

“Buck,” Steve says, and Bucky’s lips thin in exasperation— it’s not like him, compared to the guy Steve’s talked to the last few weeks. Whatever, he can’t help but say, “you do sound like you’re coming down with something, you should—”

“Steve, I’m fine,” says Bucky, in a soft tone that brooks no argument. Still tense, he turns to Steve with a crooked smile and says, “Really,” and it’s warm, if strained, between them again, and it seems like that’ll just have to satisfy Steve, and he says as much to Bucky who blushes and bites his lip for some reason.

Sam rescues Bucky by asking him to do inventory in back, letting him be sneeze and be dramatically in his feels without anyone around, especially Steve. The bar is slow enough now that he just shamelessly hides for the rest of the night. He’s constantly sniffling and sneezing and needing to blow his nose with the roll of rough brown paper towels back there, and even without that he’s too keyed up and pissed and miserable for human company, so it’s for the best.

He casts furtive recon glances to the bar where Steve sits, first craning his neck trying to spy Bucky, then brooding into his beer glass which makes Bucky feel like an asshole, then perking up at least a little shooting the shit with Sam, hopefully talking shit about Brock Dickface Rumlow. Then the misery wells up enough to get him to actually focus on work to avoid feeling it, and then it’s a few hours later and they’re closing up and he goes home to his little icebox and tires not to think about anything.

The next day, Sam chooses evil.

Steve and JB Barnes are both at least somewhat complex men, and it is always a bad idea to meddle in the affairs of others. But screw it, he’s had Bucky moaning in his ear for months now, and he was gonna have to recheck all his angry counting from last night, and these guys really seemed dumb enough to let the tension of mutual attraction strain between them until it just broke, some misunderstanding threw them both on the defensive or whatever, and they missed the chance at any of the fun part of connecting with each other.

So.

It isn’t a big surprise when Bucky calls him around 2, apologizing and pausing to make some gross “ihHgjshuhh!” noise, saying he was probably too sick with this cold to come in. What is a surprise, for poor Bucky, is Sam’s implacable response: “Duuude, I’m so sorry, but there’s some kinda convention in town and the place is packed, I need you here so bad, no matter what. You can take the next two days off, I’ll pay you.” He hears Bucky swallow back the what the hell and resignedly say ok. He feels diabolical. But hopefully it will be worth it. Steve usually comes in early on Thursdays, and he’d looked all hangdog-worried about Bucky the night before.

He’s been there twenty minutes already, chatting distractedly with Sam and staring at the TV screens but really looking all over the room like Bucky might be hiding somewhere. Bucky slouches in, ten minutes late, takes in the mostly empty room and gives Sam a betrayed glare.

“You really ndeeded mbe, huh,” he mutters as he puts his backpack away.

“You don’t even sound that bad,” Sam rejoins cheerfully, and Bucky’s mouth drops open with incredulity.

He moves some boxes around in back without issue. Then he tries to start prep by the bar. In a fifteen-minute period he has two sneezing fits that require him retreating to the bathroom to blow his nose endlessly and wash his hands. Sam decides that’s plenty sufficient. He and his customers are gonna pay a price in germ exposure for this stupid ass cupid skit he’s putting on.

“Steve, you believe this guy?” Bucky’s been avoiding Steve’s concerned hopeful looks since he got here. “He insisted on coming to work.” Bucky chokes in outrage, then coughs for real, while Steve moves a few seats closer. Sam turns; Bucky couldn’t look more betrayed if there was a knife with Sam’s name on it in his guts. Lord deliver him from dramatic white boys. “Did you take the bus here, Buck?” There was no other way for the guy to get to work, but he just replies flatly,

“Yeah.”

“You oughtta go home and rest.”

“Le me give you a ride, Buck,” Steve jumps in with the Air-Bud eagerness Sam had expected. They confirm it and bustle Barnes into a Civic while he’s sneezing too much to protest. Sam washes his hands metaphorically of the situation, and also very literally and thoroughly.

Steve’s car is a little old, and cold, and dusty. Bucky shivers as he buckles his seatbelt. He feels silently nervous and thrilled to be in Steve’s Car!!, but at the moment it’s hard to be anything but….sneezy…

“hhh-hh-hhmmPtchuh! S-s-sor-ry-hiihHIptchsh!” Holding them back when he feels like this just makes his nose more irritated and thus even sneezier. He stubbornly jams his fist under his nose to quell the tickle. He has some napkins from work, so a nose-blow is possible, but it doesn’t feel possible, not so close to Steve, who has it a million times more together than Bucky even on days when he isn’t falling apart on a cellular level.

“Bless you,” Steve says quietly. He looks at him reflexively, to see a small, sweet, sympathetic smile. “Ready?” Bucky gives a little nod and the car pulls out into the slushy road.

His nose is running onto his finger, it’s a crisis. This is why it’s always a terrible idea to leave the house when you’re really sick. “Ugh, I gotta blow mby ndose, I’mb sorry, I’mb so gross right ndow,” talking also makes his nose angry. Fucking Sam and his supervillain plan to humiliate him. What had he done to deserve this? He fumbles for the napkins with his less-dextrous left hand, the one he should have stuck under his nose, goddamnit, he’s gonna sneeze again…

“Psh, don’t worry about it,” scoffs Steve like the big huge dad he is, then with a sympathetic glance he turns the radio on, to the classic rock station, because of course, Bucky almost laughs even while racing to get tissues on his face before this giant wet sneeze overcomes him. The music is loud and it does help him feel less embarrassed.

“heh—HEH-KSSSHOOoo!” he gets the wad of napkins in front of him just in time. Blowing his nose after that demolishes them, but he feels a little closer to a human being.

“Bless you!” Steve chuckles. “Man you got a good bug, jeez!”

Why are he and Sam both so cheerful. “Thanks, I’mb glad you’re impressed,” he croaks.

“You have cold stuff at home?” Huh? When Bucky doesn’t answer he continues, “Tissues, tea, soup, medicine, you know?”

“Oh, umb, sorry, I’m tired,” Steve makes a sympathetic sound. “I usually just use toilet paper. I took the last of my Dayquil before work. I dunno if it even helped, all it feels like it did is mbake me jittery and sdeezy.”

“Why don’t we stop by a drugstore.” He sounded decisive.

“Oh, you don’t have to bother with that, really Steve—” he pauses to sniffle desperately. Technically he can afford a couple things, and he probably needs them. “Or—you could drop me off and I’ll get myself home from the store, that would totally be a big help—”

“Is the heat even on in your place?” Steve interrupts, shrewd-eyed. At Bucky’s wide-eyed sputtering response he continues, “I knew it. I used to be a broke Brooklyn kid, once upon a time. Only reason to come into work, am I right? Can’t believe landlords are still getting away with this shit.”

Bucky considers denial, then slumps. “S’why I’mb so much...hhh...worse...hh-huh-hudschuh! Snff-snff. Worse today. They said it’ll be fixed by tomorrow so...we’ll see, ha. I got a space heater and an electric kettle though, I can get in my blankets and drink tea and I’m fine.”

Steve is quiet, no response, and Bucky worries irrationally that he pissed him off. A few minutes of classic rock later, he pulls into the small parking lot attached to the drugstore, turns the car off, and turns to him, looking a little uncomfortable.

“Bucky I—” he breaks off and laughs to himself. “I know you have to be polite to customers, I don’t want to—” he makes eye contact, looking pained and rueful. “I’d like to think we’re friends. But I don’t want to put you on the spot or anything,”

“We’re friends,” Bucky interrupts gently. Steve’s face brightens like a sunrise and Bucky’s chest does a nice warm thing.

“Yeah? That’s...I’m real happy to hear it.” Steve says, sheepish but grinning. Then his eyes get the determined look that Bucky is starting to think means trouble. “Well the reason I asked is, as a friend, I really hate the idea of you trying to ride this out in an icebox apartment. I have heat. And a couch!” He hastens to add at whatever wide-eyed look Bucky’s giving him. “It’s just, I know it’s no fun being sick by yourself, and, well, honestly I wish I’d socked that asshole at the bar last night, and I really wish I’d clocked him as a jerk faster, and I’d feel a lot better if I could do something nice for you, and you really seem like you could do with some rest and medicine. Will you let me grab some stuff here and spend the night at my place—where there’s heat— and let me fuss over you?”

“Steve, that’s—that’s so nice, but I really can’t imb—snff—impose on you, and I gotta be so contagious right now…”

“I don’t care about that,” Steve says easily. “And I know you’re not gonna die on your own, but,” and, whoa, he’s deploying some kind of dignified mature version of puppy-dog eyes, it’s so sincere, and also so certain, that it starts to seem like the only sensible course of action is to let his gorgeous crush take him to his apartment while he’s the polar opposite of sexy, an unspeakable snot factory, and also possibly starting to run a fever.

….His apartment is gonna be so goddamn cold.

And lonely, incidentally.

And Steve is so nice. He’s literally, actually here, he seems to mean it that he wants to take care of Bucky’s sick bedraggled ass as some kind of friend-favor. There’s no way this is a come-on with him in this state, even if he can still muster enough energy to wish it was. No way Steve’s ever gonna want to fuck him after watching him snuffle through 200 tissues and mouth-breathe all evening, but he was nuts to think he ever would anyhow. He’s just that nice, and Bucky is that pathetic, and that might not feel great, but he wants to be Steve’s friend, he really does, and even through his own shyness he can see that the guy is pretty lonely.

“You, umb. You really don’t have to.” He says, watching Steve, who waits with obvious hopefulness. “But. Uh.” Steve raises his eyebrows and gives him a little smile, and Bucky finds himself returning it helplessly. “If you really don’t mbind. It could, potentially, be really ndice to take you up on that. You really don’t have to though!”

“I want to, though.” Jesus, he’s so sincere. Bucky feels some weird kind of protective way about the earnest honesty in his eyes.

“Well, then, okay. Thangk you, I really appreciate it.” He laughs, finally feeling how miserable it would have been to go back home and try to sleep in a cold blanket pile on his mattress on the floor. “Mby place sucks right now.”

“Alright then,” Steve beams. “Let’s get you a couple things and then get you cozy.”

Bucky’s nose is not okay with him using his face to talk instead of constantly blow it. It’s gotten completely blocked, and it’s tingling unpleasantly, and running so bad again he has to smush his knuckles under his nostrils. The tickle crests and his breath catches before he can do anything about it, but he clenches his jaw and forces it into a stifle. “hhh-huh-MMP!!” The problem with doing that is it just makes the tickle— “hh-mMP!” worse. “Ugh, sorry.” His hand is a dam against his nose at this point.

“Bless you!” They both step out of the car, but Steve hurries over to his side with a crinkle in his brow. “Why don’t you just stay here and I’ll grab a few things. Anything in particular, or just tissues and NyQuil?”

“Dyquil is just schndapps,” Bucky grumbles, then his brain catches up a little and he says “tissues,” fervently, and then it catches all the way up and he says “wait, ndo way are you buyig!”

Steve cocks an eyebrow like a handsome jerk. “You really wanna go in there?” With your current nose situation? He’s kind enough to not say.

He casts about for a moment—“Grab me a little pack and then I’ll go in!”

Steve gives him a skeptical look and says “Sure,” in a way that makes him think his orders won’t be followed, but he’s too busy squishing his nose more firmly and silently begging it not to make him sneeze again to keep arguing, or to protest when Steve opens the door for him and puts his car keys in his hand before dashing into the store with a promise to be quick.

He’s back not even ten minutes later, by which time holding his nose plugged and not letting his sneezes out has put Bucky in a state of perma-misery, stifling relentless sneezes every few seconds, unable to keep his eyes fully open. Steve tosses a box of tissues onto his lap before he gets all the way into the car because he is a saint.

“Guh,” Bucky says gratefully, pulls out a wad of about ten, and lets the miserable sneeze that had been building out into the nest of forgiving softness. “HehgSHOOmpff!!” And then blows his nose forever. Finally he feels like he can speak and have a face again; the little drugstore bag is now home to a dozen nasty used-tissue balls. “Well,” he says as he puts the last one in there, “wish I hadn’t had a witness for that.”

Steve just chuckles. “You’re fine,” he murmurs, his voice a soothing rumble. “I grabbed you a toothbrush, and I’ve got some stuff that can fit you for pjs.”

Bucky feels like he sneezed out the last of his strength. “You’re way too nice.” He sniffles and slumps against the window, looking at the familiar blur of orange streetlight. “I should be more worried you’re a serial killer.” Steve chuckles again, and he likes that, so he goes on, “Probly got a nice Jeffrey Dahmer setup at your place. Sorry if I don’t make a good steak.”

“Why wouldn’t you?�� Steve replies, sounding indignant. Then laughs for real, shaking his head, “I’m not gonna chop you up and eat you, I swear.”

“It’s fine. Just mbake mbe into soup,” sighs Bucky. That would be warm. He’ll just be a big hot pot of Bucky, and Steve will stir him and season him so carefully with his big strong hands. This is a weird train of thought. He might have a fever. But he can still hear Steve chuckling.

Steve pulls into his parking spot and the car shudders to stillness as he takes his key out of the ignition. Next to him, Bucky is asleep with his head mushed against the window. He’d conked out for the last five or so minutes of the drive. “Hey, Buck, we just got to my place,” he says softly, trying not to sound too bedroom-y. His eyes flutter open, the blue of them standing out, and Steve takes a steadying breath because Bucky is so good-looking it catches him off guard and overwhelms him sometimes.

His eyes are glassy-bright and there’s a flush high on his cheekbones, and as he shifts upright in his seat Steve reaches over and touches his forehead without thinking about it. It’s noticeably hot, but not burning. The twins’ childhood bouts with the flu gave him a sense of bad-fever heat. “Think you got a temperature,” he murmurs sympathetically. Bucky just blinks up at him, a little wide-eyed, and only then does he realize his big meaty hand is practically covering half his face. He feels himself flush to match Bucky, and for a second they just look at each other.

Until Bucky sniffs a miserable liquid sniffle and they both almost jump. “Sorry,” Steve mutters awkwardly, and Bucky’s saying the same thing at the same time. They both move to get out, “Just one flight of stairs up.”

“huh—tschumpf!” is Bucky’s answer, his nose buried in a new handful of tissues. “huhh, hUH—huh.” The second sneeze fizzles, leaving him blinking and frowning and wrinkling his nose snifflishly against the ticklish haze as he shuts the door. “Fuck. Sorry, scuse mbe.”

“Bless you.” It’s probably not normal to find someone so sick so adorable.

Steve leads him up and along the hall and then he’s unlocking the door, feeling giddy that he’s letting Bucky into his apartment, and then guilty for being excited, when the poor guy is just hesitantly accepting a much-needed favor. Bucky trails in behind him and then stands still while Steve sets the bag from the drugstore and started to turn to him, saying, “It’s not much, but—”

“ASHHOO!” Bucky’s sneeze interrupts and snaps him forward into his tissues, and then he just stays folded over for a second like it sapped the last of his energy. Then he straightens, rubbing his nose into the tissues and sighing. “Jesus, sorry,”

“Bless you! You don’t have to be sorry, you’ve just got a cold.” Steve has to hold himself still to keep from rubbing his back.

“You’re...hh-huh….? Snfff, ugh. Totally gonna catch this, I owe you way mbore apologies.”

“I won’t hold it against you,” he chuckles, toeing his shoes off. Bucky follows suit and he continues, “I stopped caring after raising toddlers, they’re little germ factories, you catch everything.” Why’d you bring up your old-dad status, Steve? “I’ll grab you some things to sleep in.”

An hour and one confrontation about Steve giving up his bed later, Bucky is ensconced on his couch like the king of cold-medicine commercials, surrounded by blankets and pillows and tissues and steaming cups and bowls. He feels a little more human, which is nice, but lets him access how incandescently awkward he feels at being rescued from his idiotic life like a snotty Cinderella. Steve has been flitting back and forth between the couch and kitchen, fussing over him to a truly excessive degree while exuding satisfaction and cheer, like some kind of calendar-model Santa with a caretaking kink. He was practically rubbing his hands together at the prospect of getting Bucky blankets and tea on his couch. Now he’s giving a rundown of his TV system standing next to the couch and it feels the tiniest bit manic and Bucky can feel himself getting a little too quiet but he can’t help it. After a minute Steve notices, and sets the remote down.

“I should stop babbling at you and leave you in peace,” he says with a bashful chuckle, turning to leave the room.

“No, I— you don’t—” Bucky doesn’t really have a response beyond ‘please chill out and hang out with me and let me picture cuddling with you,’ which will not be said aloud.

“You really don’t hafta feel like you need to entertain me, Bucky.”

“It’s not, I don’t,” he sighs and then sniffles. He doesn’t want to sit here and stare at the wall and stress about this, alone in this room in Steve’s goddamn apartment. He maybe should have thought about just how much he’d fallen for Steve before taking him up on this offer, because the concern and sweetness and fussing are starting to ratchet up his anxiety, because what if there was a chance it meant—

“Is anything the matter?” Steve crouches smoothly to be on his level and torment him with his eyes’ blueness. When all Bucky can do for a moment is flounder he looks more concerned, and a little downcast. “I really don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. If anything’s bothering you, you can just tell me.”

What the hell is an ordinary sinner supposed to do in the face of this much sincerity? Act like he thinks he’s a damn grownup, Bucky guesses, and girds his nervous loser loins.

“Why’re you—” he starts, frowning, then cuts himself off and tries again with a small, apologetic smile.

“It’s just...this is such an imposition, and you seem...kinda weirdly happy about it? I just don’t get why.”

One side of Steve’s mouth quirks up, making him look dry and self-deprecating and unfairly handsome. “You’re worried I’m gonna start talkin about Scientology, or put you in my basement dungeon?”

Bucky shrugs. “Kinda.” Just ‘cause he went home with strangers didn’t mean he had no sense.

Steve seems to cast about for an explanation, and he also starts to turn pink. “It’s—you’re just so—” and then he sighs and sits on the end of the couch, next to his blanketed feet, addressing his words to the wall in a rush. “Honestly, Bucky? I have a huge crush on you, and,” he laughs in embarrassment, decidedly blushing now, “I’m just real happy to have a chance to take care of you in whatever little way.” Now he does turn to look at him, pained. “I’m sorry, that must be so uncomfortable to hear. I promise you’re not my hostage! Please don’t make a break for it, it’s cold out and you’re so sick. I swear I’m not Cathy Bates in Misery.”

“Y—hihdsschuh!” The sneeze catches him by surprise, but he has wadded-up tissues in his hand already anyhow. He has to blow his nose, and he does it thoroughly to buy time. Steve stares stoically at the ceiling as though waiting for sentencing. Is this seriously Steve telling Bucky...he likes him?

“You…” he stops, sniffs. He needs a plan. He doesn’t have one. His mouth is gonna keep moving anyway, “You said, ‘you’re just so—‘, what were you gonna say?”

Steve looks confused for a second, and then just helpless. “Bucky, you’re just so sweet. I’m happy for a chance to do something for you because I owe you, you get that, right?”

“Owe me?” Bucky asks, nonplussed. Steve laughs with what seems like disbelief at his confusion.

“Yes, Buck! For the last few months! For taking pity on me that first night I came into Sam’s. You asked me a question about antifreeze.”

“Yeah,” Bucky murmurs. His world is rearranging itself. Steve remembered that?

“I feel—real self-conscious, I guess, coming into the “scene,” he gives it air-quotes and Bucky’s heart swells a little more, “by the route I have. Y’know, married dad who woke up one day and realized the stuff he repressed at sixteen might be the real him. Sam’s was the third place I tried to go into. I just felt so ridiculous, I still do— 39-year-old brand-new gay dude, it’s idiotic. I was practically gonna have a panic attack, I was definitely gonna leave and not try again and just...stop trying in general, maybe, to figure this new scary shit out. Except you were there, this—this smokin-hot guy, and you’re acting like you actually want to talk to me, and… so I stayed. And came back.” He looks Bucky in the eyes and it makes Bucky’s stomach clench. “I feel like you’ve been taking care of me this whole time, helping me ease into things, helping me not to feel bad about being completely uncool, asking me about stuff I actually know about instead of laughing at me because I’ve never heard of ‘poppers’,”

At that, Bucky has to give in to the giggle bubbling out of him, which inevitably leads to a short coughing fit. His first instinct is to keep laughing, rake Steve over the coals, but Steve is looking at him with a careful sort of expression, and it occurs to Bucky that just because he’s older and seems like he has it all together and has great posture doesn’t mean he’s immune to feeling vulnerable. And he looks like he’s feeling really fucking vulnerable right now. Acting like Bucky is worthy of this adorable schoolboy crush is absurd, but it’s not like it was so many eons ago that little baby Bucky Barnes was having his First Gay Bar experience, and he’d been scared as shit.

He already feels like he missed the boat on his life. Steve is starting over at 39. He’s so fucking brave. Bucky...somehow, unthinkably, Bucky is in a position where he could really hurt this guy.

“I’mb, umb. Snfff. Thing is, I’m a little surprised…” And Steve must think that’s the prelude to rejection because he pulls this sad little smile onto his face that’s the worst thing Bucky’s ever seen, and he has to make it go away, “It’s just, to hear you tell it I took pity on you and I’ve been talking to you to, like, guide you along and coach you because I’m some saint!” He smiles, starting to feel amused. “Steve— I just wanted some reason to talk to you, dude.”

Steve blinks at him. “What?”

He has to laugh, putting his forehead in his hand. “Sorry. I, just, I have not been operating under the assumption that I had a chance with you? And now it sounds like you’re telling me I do? While I sit on your couch filling your trash can with my disgusting tissue mountain?”

All he gets from the man is “...Huh?”

“You said ‘crush’,” he insists, and he’s not laughing, his heart is pounding actually. “What did you mean by that?” He’s gonna awkwardly say that he wants to fuck, and once that box is checked in his Gay Awakening, he’ll move on to actually date people actually in his league, and that’s maybe not gonna feel great, but, well…

Steve looks up from staring at his hands, makes eye contact, and he looks a little confused and a lot like he’s facing a firing squad. “I meant, I mean that…” he blows a breath out. “Jesus I have no idea what I’m doing. I mean that I’ve been trying to work up the courage to ask you out on a date, since pretty much the first night I met you.”

Bucky’s head does a record scratch and Steve scoffs and rolls his eyes, “But I guess instead I kidnapped you when you were sick and blurted this out to you while you were trapped on my couch waiting to be left alone to sleep. I was never smooth but I swear I’ve done better than this.”

A giddy feeling is rising up in Bucky’s chest, making him forget completely about how tired and crappy he feels. “Well, I am smooth,” he says, “I’ve got game. At least, I did, until you showed up and turned me into a giggling bimbo. What the hell, Steve.”

“This is starting to seem like a romantic conversation but I can’t tell,” murmurs Steve with his face still uncertain but a little twinkle in his eye.

Bucky’s nose is gonna ruin this, he’s surprised it gave him that long a grace period. “Yeah, snfff, real romantic, I’mb gonna—hih—fuckin’ sndeeze—heh-heTShoo! Againd.”

Another sneeze teases out, and then he has to blow his nose for about ten years. “Bless you,” says Steve all quiet and bedroomy in his deep voice, and he’s definitely smiling, sparkle-eyes, leaning towards him the tiniest bit, but still looking like Bucky’s leaving him hanging a little, unsure, and he can’t help the wave of doubt he feels.

“Steve, you—” he stares at the blanket on his lap. “I’m a mess. You’ve accomplished shit, you have a real goddamn job, I—I’m just, ok, we’re both adults, but I feel like a screw-up kid compared to you.” He takes a deep breath and says what he doesn’t want to, “I’d be...pretty damn flattered if you wanted to hook up. I kinda can’t imagine you actually want to date me.”

He dares to look up and Steve looks more serious. He doesn’t say, “no shit.” He says, “I won’t argue if you say you don’t want anything, but I sure don’t agree with how you describe yourself. I don’t want to hook up—at least, not just that— I want to date you, get to know each other better, because I like you. I trust my judgement, when I think someone’s a good person.”

He says it so simply, and Bucky finds himself believing it despite himself, and a warm happy fire is kindling under his ribs. “Well, shit,” he murmurs, “it’s starting to seem like you’re asking me out.”

“It’s...starting to seem like you might be saying yes? If I am?” Steve looks agonized and Bucky’s doubts are no match for the giddiness fizzing up inside him, and he lets it show on his face with a grin, and whatever that looks like makes Steve kinda gulp and scootch up closer to him. Bucky makes a show of giving a slow, considering nod. Yes.

Steve has this soft, nervous little smile on his face, but his eyes hold something weighty, almost burning, as he moves even closer, and it’s just, it’s really, wow, Bucky has maybe never been taken seriously in quite this way by anyone before, it makes his knees feel watery and kindles something in his core. “I know you’re sick,” he rumbles, “but I feel like I gotta kiss you,” and how is it that the softer he speaks the deeper his voice sounds? He brushes his curled fingers over Bucky’s cheek because that’s how close they are now and this isn’t really Bucky’s life, is it? “What if I was to kiss you, right now?”

It’s hard to tell with the sexiness melting his brain but he realizes Steve is actually asking, because he’s a gentleman— a gentleman Bucky wants to be taken apart and turned inside out by. “Then you would be a guaranteed victim of my plague,” he breathes. “But I wouldn’t stop you, I’m not that selfless.”

“Sounds like a dare,” Steve murmurs, and tilts his head and presses their lips together.

It’s a short simple kiss but they each give a quiet gasp at the contact, and then stay there a moment. Steve’s beard isn’t huge but he feels it, like a firm underline to the shockingly warm plush pressure of his lips. He thankfully tragically remembers that congested people can’t make out and pulls away after just a brief press of lips, but not before giving a soft lick to Bucky’s, full of promised things to come.

They sit there a few inches apart and breathe. Bucky feels like a vibrating tuning fork. He just barely stops himself from shakily saying “wow,” like a highschool virgin, but when he sees Steve looking at him with lips still parted and a gobsmacked expression he changes his mind and lets it out anyway, “wow,” with a giddy grin.

“Yeah,” Steve breathes, blinking like he got hit with a cartoon hammer, going from pink to red, and then he swoops in and kisses Bucky’s cheek, and then stands, going, “Excuse me, just gotta go...out of your sightline, and. Do something cool. And serious. No victory dances.”

…..the next morning…….

Steve could hear Bucky in the shower, sneezing three times, but not sounding—four times—nearly as heavy or exhausted as the night before. A few minutes and one loud noseblow later, he came out wrapped in a towel, mercilessly bare-chested, his nose bright red but his eyes clear and cheerful. Steve’s attention caught on his chest as his nipples tightened in the relative chill as Bucky said sheepishly, “forgot my clo-hothes—” his voice swooping to a breathy quaver on the last word, “hhh-hh-hehh—EHisSHOooh!” he turned as far away from Steve’s part of the room as possible and sneezed over his shoulder. “Snnfff. Excuse me, sorry.”

“Can I lend you some warmer stuff, just for now while we eat breakfast? There’s no way you’re not still sick,” Steve fussed, forcing himself to round the kitchen island slowly and casually instead of rushing over and wrapping him up in his arms and kissing his red nose that was twitching again. He quelled it with another sniff that sounded a lot less congested than the previous night.

“Ah, I’m ok. I felt really bad yesterday, but I slept so well,” he said with a warm grateful smile at Steve that went to his toes, “I don’t feel shitty and run-down anymore, just all, like, shnuffly.”

Steve chuckled helplessly and went over to rub his shoulder. “You’re adorable.”

“No way!” Bucky glowered, but then a few drops fell from his wet hair to his chest and neck, and he shivered into a sneeze so quick and light it sounded incomplete, “hih—tish!” followed by “ih-hihtchoo!” and he blinked, taken by surprise.

“That was... the cutest thing that ever happened,” Steve said truthfully.

“Shuddup— heh—edschoo!”

#at some point they bone and there are like snapshots of that written #just sayin #snz fic #stucky snz fic #sneeze kink fanfiction #cute sick bucky #snzfic #lots of not-snz plot but the story is still basically Bucky Has The Sneezies You Must Save Him Steve

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shona22 · 3 months ago

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Sterek fic rec: October edition (2024) 🐺 ⚓

Each month, I'll be sharing some of my favorite fics (and I'll make sure to backup and download them for safekeeping). Please note that I have a soft spot for darker themes, so warnings and tags will be plentiful - reader discretion advised!

Want specific recs? Feel free to send me an ask with your preferred tropes or genres, and I'll do my best to find some from my bookmarks.

Pay by the hour, but don't leave so soon by JettieBettie

"This is the last time," he tells her, heading toward the door.

"That’s what you always say. But I end up wearing his face for you again and again.”

Note: an incredibly hot pwp. I won't spoil much, but it does have an amazing Stiles voice regardless of being so short.

___

Step towards me, step away by Areiton

The truth is, he’s been more than a little bit in love with Derek Hale for a long time.

Note: A compelling exploration of an unconventional relationship. Complex characters, angst, and favourite tropes (Derek angsting over age gap, Kate comparisons) lead to a satisfying ending. Worth the read!

___

I found you hidden in plain sight (why'd I take so long?) by Gorgeousgreymatter

Stiles is pretty sure he’s hallucinating. He’s got to be. There’s no other plausible explanation, he thinks, as he sits on the sidelines of the lacrosse field and feels the cold, hard bench underneath him, the roar of the crowd at his back like the worst white noise machine in the world.

There’s no other reason why he sees it, the hulking, black figure of a wolf peering at him from the treeline behind the bleachers. Its eyes flare in the glaring glow of the stadium lights, but they’re the wrong color, he thinks: blood-moon red instead of cobalt blue, but the familiarity of it all makes his stomach roll and clench.

Note: Gods. Another one my favourite trope, where Derek gets his alpha spark back because of Stiles. The line, the one which had me gnawing my pillow at 3AM:

“Jesus, Stiles. You never stopped being mine, did you?”

___

Somebody that I used to know by Percybyssheshelly

Stiles and Derek have been together for months.

The trouble is, they weren't yesterday.

Note: short, but packs a punch. If you're having a bad day and want some relatively short angst with happy ending fics, this one's for you.

___

We live (not as we wish to) as we can by Endrversed

“I’m not a closet case,” Derek repeats, teeth gritted.

“Oh, yeah?” Stiles taunts, daring Derek with his eyes. “You coulda fooled me.”

“I’m not – gay.”

Derek spits that word out. Stiles snorts, no humour in it.

“Sure. You’re totally straight, dude. You just get all up in my personal space every time we’re alone. Stare at my lips any time you think no one’s looking. Well, I’m looking, Derek, and I know what you want. I know what you really want is to bend me over and fuck me.”

Derek is a closeted frat boy, and Stiles gets under his skin. Enemies to fuckbuds to <3

Note: Heed the tags. After DBC, I've been craving closeted frat boy Derek with the perfect Stiles voice. This one delivers. Endversed's mastery seals the deal.

___

UST (an unfortunate series of tropes)

Stiles and Derek sitting in a tree, M-A-R-R-I-E-D.

Wait, what?

Or: Stiles thought he and Derek were finally getting to be bros, and then Deaton had to go and ruin everything with his stupid spell.

Note: Amazing Stiles voice + mature Derek. Re-read worthy! Accidental soul bonding and more - my ultimate tropes. 10/10, left craving more.

___

Stronger in numbers by bloodwrites

Stiles doesn't want to be the Alpha's mate, he doesn't want to be locked up for his own protection, and he's damn sure he doesn't want to be dealing with blood and werewolf parts on a weekly basis, but somehow that's what his life has become.

That's not going to change, unless he can convince Derek to trust Scott and the hunters, because it's the only way they're going to chase the Alpha Pack out of town.

Of course, that only solves two out of three.

Note: please heed ALL the tags. Also, remember, Derek’s somewhat of a certified jerk in this. And yet, somehow, that's the fic’s appeal. It honestly has the feels of a classic 2010-2014 fics, and that makes me eat it up even more. Also, it's HOT.

___

Werewolf love songs, vol 1 by aggybird.

Peter decides to use the power of Barry Manilow's music to make Stiles and Derek fall in love.

Meanwhile, there are monsters and stuff, and Stiles and Derek are stupid.

Note: amazing fic very close to my heart. I love meddling uncle Peter, and the gradual progression of their relationship. It's also such a classic early sterek fic, and like the other ones, I'm always starving for it. It's funny and incredible with Stiles’ voice.

___

Rapture, sweet rapture (won't you put your hands on me) by queerly_it_is

Somewhere in the stringy mesh of his overactive brain cells, Stiles is sure there must be memories of what it was like to not have a totally possessive creeper with a leather fixation for an adopted brother.

Note: please heed the warnings. It's pseudo-incest!

#sterek #sterek fic rec #sterek fic

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eden-3000 · 3 months ago

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Hey, I would like to ask you to write a comfort for Rosekiller. Or something like that.

Modern AU, Barty shows up at the door of Rosier Manor, at night, knowing that Evan's mother will be indifferent to his arrival and whether he will stay due to his father kicking him out of the house. Evan lets him in and they talk.

Too simple, bc this is my first request on tumblr<3. Have a nice day!

(Don't worry about it. This is my first request as well xD. It's also my first time writing these two, so I hope it isn't too ooc and you like it <3)

Tags: Active Homophbia, mentioms of parental alcohol abuse, light angst with much comfort

Wordcount: 506

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"What the fuck are you doing here?" The shock on Evan's face was more than obvious when he saw his boyfriend at the door, drenched and shivering from the rain.

"Sorry, I didn't call... Can I come in?" Evan simply nodded and moved to the side so Barty could escape the cold.

"What happened? You look like shit!" "Gee, thanks." "You do though... Come on." One hand on his shoulder, Evan led him through the house and up to his room. "Can I use your shower?" Once again Evan nodded, showing Barty the way to the bathroom. He understood that Bary needed a moment to warm up and calm down. "Thanks, Rosie." "Any time."

Evan started feeling useless after just a few moments and decided to make tea. In the kitchen, he found his mother with a can of beer. "Who was that at the door?" "Barty. I think he's staying around for a bit." "Alright, just don't be too loud. And stay away from the liquor cabinet." "Sure, mom." As if she'd notice.

He took the two mugs and a bag of chips upstairs to his room, grabbing a bottle of whiskey on his way, then knocked against the bathroom door. "Bee? I got you some fresh clothes. I'll just leave them here." "Cheers..." A few moments of silence, then. "Rosie?" "Yeah?" "Love you." "Love you too, you prick."

A couple of minutes later, Barty - now with dry clothes and not freezing his balls off - lay on Evan's bed, while the other boy opened the chip bag. "I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got you something for the body and something for the soul." Barty took a deep swig from the bottle.

"You wanna tell me what's going on now?" Barty sighed. He lay down with his head on Evan´s lap, closing his eyes for a moment, letting the alcohol do it´s work.

"My dad threw me out." That explained a lot. "It's kinda hard to convince people to elect you for the next super-conservative-super-safe prime minister if you have an openly gay, leftist son. So he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. And honestly, I'm fine with that. It's not like I liked him or anything. Just sucks that I can't live there anymore, so now I need to find something else." "Ugly bastard. He´s just frustrated he can´t pull a guy as handsome as me." Barty softly huffed and opened his eyes, looking at him with pure adoration and thankfulness. "Probably."

"And you can stay here. At least for a while", Evan assured him, playing with his wet hair. He knew Barty liked it. Depending on how he did it, it either furiously turned him on or calmed him into an almost meditative state.

"Maybe we can get a house together. Or a flat. How much does stuff like that cost?" Evan just laughed and leaned down to him to press a kiss to his lips. "Guess we´ll have to go looking for something to figure it out."

#marauders era #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #rosekiller #rosekiller microfic #barty crouch jr x evan rosier

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ms-moonlight-inn · 7 months ago

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💥💥It’s the Wednesday Tag Game💥💥

Today’s tag game is about our wonderful fandom! Tagged by my lovelies @jrooc & @vintagelacerosette & @guinguin1984 & @blue-disco-lights & @mybrainismelted & @energievie & @doshiart

How did you get into the fandom?

I started watching the show 'cause I was raised in the inner-city & heard that there was this new show that was doing this really good, honest depiction of inner-city life. Tell me the 'hood is being accurately depicted & neither romanticized, nor made into a caricature & I show up. Those first few seasons were so familiar to me in both comforting & repulsive ways.

And THEN there also happens to be a gay 'ship in this show?! 😱 I mean, there was no way I could escape the pull of Shameless.

So, it started with me binging back episodes, and it escalated to fanart. Then I tripped across some fanfic... I was a creepy creeper lurking in the background for a long time. Eventually, I struck up a conversation with @dancermk in her comment section. And it all snowballed from there. (Sorry, I just said snowballed –it's not meant to be used as a euphemism.)

What’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?)

Strangely enough, it was Pinterest, I think. It was some fanart or fanfic that was pinned & I followed the thread to AO3.

what’s your favourite now?

Tumblr, but I find myself on Discord a lot lately. I used to spend my time on Twitter until musk took over.

Which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom?

The longest who is still in the fandom is @notherenewjersey. The longest who aren't in the fandom @dancermk & @stillbeatingheart

Which tumblerino’s did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and want to get to know?

😆 Anyone I've wanted to get to know has, unfortunately, been subjected to my extrovertedness. I don't think you can stop me from talking to people. 🫠 If I'm intrigued by someone's approach to Gallavich, I will interact & it's normally the response to my interaction that dictates how much I'll "harass" you.

First Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember)

The first one that really drew me into the fandom & made me want to find other things to read was "As Long As The World Keeps Spinning," by @doodlevich. The whole Husbands and Shit series is so good.

First Fan art that blew your mind?

So many, but the first one that really made my eyes pop out & my heart beat thump loudly in my chest was this one by @darthvaders-wife . It's so very representative of Mickey.

Fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love?

��🤫🤫 (but also any shade of monster fucking? though I always liked that. so, maybe praise kink, though I've always liked that, as well.)

ACTUALLY, now that I think about it, a lot of the fluff tags I thought would not be for me. And I wouldn't say that they are a high-key love of mind, because I do absolutely adore angst. But, I am much more tolerant of semi plotless domestic fluff than I ever thought I would be.

What surprised you most about this fandom?

The amount of good writing & art'ing we're privileged to have. There's just SO MUCH good here. 🥺🥰

Moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich?

The scene at the docks. All of it. Before the kiss, during the kiss, after the kiss. 🫠

Ian or Mickey?

(I don't play this reindeer game)

Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you?

Ugh. I wanna say Sandy, but I'm probably more of a Lip 😭

***

Tagging @notherenewjersey

#tagged #wednesday tag game #but on a Thursday #gallavich #shameless us

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foolsocracy · 2 years ago

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Do you have any fic recommendations? I've just read the open road and other anesthetics, which was good, but I'd love more Noir content.

oh boy do i

Here are a few fics i have on hand! If I have time or stumble across more, I can make another post/add to this one. Heads up, the open road and other anesthetics is pretty light hearted and these probably will not be. so say vigilant LMAO (its noir, ya know?). If you wanted more spiderverse centric fics rather than noirverse let me know i'll see what i can pull together.

Burning Matches by HopelesslyLost (complete) 344,746 words

Cant have a Spider Noir fic rec list without the gospel itself. Definitely on the whumpier side, lots of "this guy can never catch a break huh" but very good! Takes the noirverse and makes it so so cool. I pull a lot from this fic. Great stuff Its a post ITSV setting and features a great deal of everyone but Pete is def the focus. The spider gang is trying to get back together, but when they get to Noir's world things don't go as planned. Heavy on the found family. Heavy on the angst. Love Noir's relationship w/ Miles' parents

The Wind Follows by HopelesslyLost (incomplete) 99,501 words

Goes along with Burning Matches as a side story of Pete infiltrating the KKK to get them tf out of NYC. Very heavy handed on the angst. Even whumpier than Burning Matches. Where it stands right now, it ends on an incredibly low note, very much like Eyes Without a Face. Peter's kicked while he's down & physically incapable of getting a win. But Peter does kick Nazi ass which is always nice to see If you like the noirverse HopelesslyLost writes this is very interesting! Gotta be my fave part of this fic. I love seeing Noir Cage, Daredevil, and Tony Stark. Plus the who "cursed" situation.. mwah

i'll go back to december by snapplebee (incomplete, recently updated) 14,503 words

This fic reminds me of the open road and other anesthetics, but if it was a little angstier w/ Noir. The spider gang is hanging out for the holidays, Noir doesn't know how to fuckn relax.

Catch a Tiger by the Tail by Gruoch (completed) 40,049 words

Just finished this one today! Was very fun. It's an MJ spider-man (her POV) and a Black Cat Peter. Gwen Stacy, a dancer at Felica Hardy's place, is found dead. Her fiancé, Peter Parker, is found dead soon after. Its very much a mystery! TBH i think i was out of it reading this because a twist got me that I'm almost positive was obvious from the beginning LMAO. Slight Peter/Johnny Storm as well

Between Midnight and Dawn by Gruoch (incomplete) 14,158 words

Prequel to the previous rec. I love this one and I'd do anything to see it update again. Shows you how Peter got to be the Black Cat, he has cool run ins with the Dare Devil and Stark, all the fun noir folks. Heads up on the dysfunctional found family tag, thats for sure Peter and Felicia. But they're strange in canon anyway so its not really much of a surprise.

He Sleeps in a Town of Darkness by luckystarsandgarters (complete) 21,278 words

This is the fic i mentioned a post or 2 ago about Johnny Storm being a drag performer. I really love the atmosphere of this fic, I thought it was pulling from an offical comic thats how well it got me. This one's Pete/Johnny Storm! They're cute. Lots of focus on the gay subculture of the 30s I think.

Trust by Ackerhardt (complete) 6,989

Peter & Jean De Wolfe vs the world. Quick read in the classic noirverse. Jean is fun we should talk about him more tbh. Peter/Jean actually! Just colleged aged guys taking on crime in the city.

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ivy-saurs · 1 year ago

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20 fic questions

i was tagged by @mutxnts ! thank you so much for the tag ash, i had a lot of fun answering these questions 💜

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

i have 3 posted and i'm hoping to publish more this year! i have a few wips in the pipeline :)

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

40,769 words (haha 69 nice)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

ace attorney and the simon snow/carry on series

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

a snowy christmas (simon snow) one of us is lying (simon snow) carpool (ace attorney)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes! comments give me so much serotonin hehe

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

none of the fics i've written really have angsty endings haha, they have angst in the middle/towards the end but then i like to end on a happy note. if i had to go with one, maybe it would be one of us is lying?

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i would go with carpool because even though the ending is open, there wasn't any angst in that fic and it was a pretty short and happy fic

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully i haven't so far 😅

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i don't at the moment but i would never say never...

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i've never written one but there are some very cool crossovers out there!

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

thankfully not (at least not that i know of)

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no i haven't!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i haven't but it's definitely something i would be open to doing! in primary school, my best friend and i would often co-write stories together and it was so fun!

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

either narumitsu or snowbaz

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i'm worried that i'll never actually finish the AU i've come up with where edgeworth owns a gay bar and suddenly he's losing customers because a rival gay bar opens next door - and it just so happens to be owned by a cute guy called phoenix wright...

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i'm fairly decent at writing dialogue and writing concisely!

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

stealing ash's answer for this one lol i'm also not the best at writing prose and i struggle with using flowery/poetic language and vocabulary

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't think i've ever done it before and if i did i would only do it for very well-known phrases in other languages like "te amo"

19. first fandom you wrote for?

technically pokemon when i was a kid, although i never published it, so if we're talking published works, then it's the simon snow fandom

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

one of us is lying! i worked so hard on it and i took a long break from writing it, to the point where i wasn't sure if i would ever finish it. but i did and it was SO worth it. i recently found my notes from when the fic was in its infancy and it made me so proud to see how much the fic changed and grew while i was writing it! it's my longest fic and i really wanted to post it all in one go - it took so much willpower to only post one chapter a week even though all of it was already written haha

i'm not sure who to tag but please feel free to do this if you want to and say that i tagged you in it, i always love reading people's answers to these questions!

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providing-leverage · 1 year ago

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Fic in Review 2023

This looks fun, thanks to @writer-and-thrasher for the tag

Total Number of Completed Stories: 16, which is great because my goal was 12 (one a month, which didn't happen, but oh well)

Total Word Count: 77,440! Again, I had a goal and surpassed it (getting to 300k on my account) and it feels really good.

Fandoms Written In: So much Ted Lasso, which I discovered after Sunflowers came out and was trending. I saw canon gay characters and went sign me up even if I don't normally like comedy stuff. I'm super glad I did because I've not written so much for a fandom so fast since my Shadowhunters hyperfixation years ago. Other than those 12, I did some PJO, Supernatural, and Batman, and Teen Wolf.

Looking back did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expect: so much less! Ted Lasso brainworms truly won this year

What’s your own favorite story of the year, personally?: I'm super proud of myself for finishing Past and Present Now Embrace, one of my few non Ted Lasso fics. Bianca was a very interesting character and the Percy Jackson universe it a great sandbox to play in.

Did you take any writing risks this year?: I think my trend towards gen stuff, because obviously romantic stuff gets more hits a lot of the time so I've trained myself to sprinkle it in even when it doesn't really need to be there. But with Ted Lasso I really felt like I could embrace the platonic stuff and when I did write romance it was because I wanted to.

Do you have any fanfic goals for the New Year?: I want to write a multichapter, and I'm hoping that multichapter will be either Stranger Ranger or Guard Your Heart. I've also been watching to rework the second and third parts of SSA Sam Singer.

Best story of the year: personally I'm really proud of the Fundamentals of Love and Lying, which is so self indulgent

Most popular story of the year: Get It Off Your Chest for sure, and I think that's all to do with the blurb I used in the summary

Most personal story of the year: Oh for sure it's a rather touching notion which is also probably the one I wrote the quickest. An aroace character figuring out who they are, feeling outside of so many social interactions because they lack romantic and sexual attraction? Pure projection. Also The A Team because yay autism.

Funniest story of the year: While the summary for Get it Off Your Chest is funny, Colin's reasons for picking up lesbians is deeply sad so I can't really say that. Eliza's exasperation with Jamie in Flowers for Dani is pretty funny though.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Fundamentals took a lot of work but it's also a rarepair I invented the tag for and narrated by a character that is basically an OC, so I understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Most fun story to write: Holy Novelty Socks Batman is pure fluffy crack and made me smile a lot

Story with the sexiest moment: none of them really. Fundamentals and some of the other TL fics have some sex allusion though.

Sweetest story of the year: I'll say Shake It Out, a teen wolf fic from early this year that I'd completely forgotten about. What's sweeter than breaking into your school at night for a date?

“Holy crap that’s wrong even for you!” story: dito on not doing scandalous, but for angst then maybe this fic where I give Dani my caffeine sickness

Hardest story to write: Past and Present Now Embrace, for sure took the longest, with me working on it for over a year. I wanted to get it up before the Sun and the Star came out but that didn't happen.

Biggest disappointment: Not any published fic in particular but I have a lot of drafts I wish had been able to see the light of day this year

Biggest surprise: the community I feel like I've found this year, especially within Ted Lasso. Doing these tag games, trading asks and ideas with other writers, is something I've never gotten to do before and I feel so lucky and grateful for my mutuals.

Speaking of... @orbitalpirate @mearpsdyke @manwholovescabins sorry if any of you have already been tagged

#wow okay this took a while #was very fun though #ted lasso #percy jackson #supernatural #teen wolf #fic in review 2023 #elliot writes

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subzeromoron · 11 months ago

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drop your rinniki fic reccs king

Okay so I'm not actually on ao3 very much (browser + social app time limits) but I'll indulge occasionally when I'm on my pc None of them are nsfw because I don't like smut!!! *asexual flag waves aggressively*

I put the links under the cut and I can edit it if finding them is difficult!

I will always, always, always love sickfics. I found this fic in my bookmarks (I had to read it again because I'm done and won't write notes about why I saved it) It feeds my "both Rinne and Niki are housewives" thing but I'm also pretty sure that's just cannon?? It has a teeny bit of angst but it's brief so nothing to worry about. I also think it's written by one of the artists for the daily rinniki tumblr blog?

This one is actually supposed to be HiMERU-centric but it's so tender.... And I'm such a sucker for tender rinniki augh,,, Gosh I love Crazy:B and the tags are a riot

This one is longer (hanahaki!) I don't remember it too well but its so well written... I thoroughly enjoyed it...mmm, angst... Be warned, it's hanahaki so emetophobia warning and all that. And apparently it's written by the same person who wrote the sickfic. Interesting, I hadn't noticed Another sickfic (are you sensing the pattern yet???) but Rinne's the one who's sick this time. It's so silly. I love silly gay people.

I don't have many bookmarks with the rinniki tags and a lot of them aren't rinniki heavy so I didn't include them but thanks for asking me about them :D they are silly to me and I hope you enjoy

#fridge answers #thank you for making me more mentally ill

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longeyelashedtragedy · 11 months ago

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griezmann for the ask! griezmann for the ask!

oh shit! thank you for this one!

i'll be honest--i don't think about the Renaisance Twink as often as i once did, but he was like, my first Favorite Footballer once i started watching football (he's one of the reasons i saw the light--but that's a whoooole nother story) and the first footballer i ever wrote fic about! so, i have a lot of fondness for him in my heart.

favorite thing about them: i like his sunshiney puppy-like vibes and everything he'd done with his hair over the years (until he came back from barça...) Good Wag, erika has good vibes. transformative music taste (see below). also, he has some fun goals, as long as he isn't scoring against croatia :/

least favorite thing about them: uhhh, he plays for france nt...HE GOT RID OF HIS LONG BARÇA CURLS. i think of all the Hair Sins footballers have committed, this is the most offensive. that hair was gorgeous it was peak it was everything.

favorite line: uhhh? i can't think of anything quotable--just things from my fanfics (“Well I’m not asking fucking Simeone. He did this to me without asking. That’s probably illegal.” ohhhh the potential of my vampireverse lol) but irl? i'm not sure

brotp: hmmmm...giroud? i liked his interactions with his NT teammates, idk anymore lol

notp: definitely with messi lol

otp: ok i uhhhh....because he was Around during my wild west shipping days...griezmanu endgame also i invented the "ivantoine" ship and then 100% convinced myself that flirty puppy grizi/gay self-discovery angst were a thing!!! i'm fond of those fics and there's one i still kind of want to write, which might be ridiculous. now neither of them is at barça, lol.

also--grizi and Daddy Simeone, obviiiiii.

random headcanon: uhhh...he probably voted in the most recent french presidential election? (this headcanon is largely for FGSB but she's not really active on here) i don't really have headcanons about footballers for the most part, i just pay attention to their lives? hmmmm

unpopular opinion: HIS BARÇA HAIR WAS HIS BEST HAIR AND I DO NOT KNOW WHY PEOPLE HATE!!! my bff Understands

song i associate with them: here we goooooooo! around the time i got into him spotify published a playlist he made, and he was also posting good stuff on his insta stories, and i found SO much good french music from it, and some good spanish music as well (music in spanish i mean--none of it was from spain.) because of him i found nekfeu, whose "les étoiles vagabondes" album is one of my favorites to this day. i honestly listen to a lot of those songs still. i don't think any random person's playlist has ever influenced me as much as that one 😂

favorite picture of them: well. there are so many pictures of him that i like, but i think i have to go with my fav football photo like, ever:

#STILL DOING THESE lol #anonymous #answered #renaissance twink

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hms-tardimpala · 1 year ago

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For FFWF, I'm sending a question bomb back to you, friend <3 Soooo how is it going along with breaking in that ship tag? Care to tell us about them, like what sort of characters they are and what their dynamic is?

Or if you would rather talk about your experience with rarepair ships in general I would be interested in that too <3

I'm so happy to get this ask! Heads-up: it might get long.

So I'm not breaking in a ship tag, what I said yesterday was that I was writing for a small ship and, as a reader, I had found no fics for some pairings I were looking for. Your ask might change that however, but I'll say more about this a little lower...

I can tell you about the small ship I'm writing for currently! I'm entering Know No Shame mode so here it is: it's Alan Grant/Billy Brennan from Jurassic Park 3.

Yes, of all things. I'm the first who's surprised. This time around I'm seeing something in them that I want to explore. I think you of all my writer friends can appreciate a teacher/student dynamic best. They're two brilliant scientists (Billy has to be to be Grant's dig site manager) in the hot Montana badlands, they act sort of like a married couple in the movie (they're a package deal), Grant has a history of dating younger paleontologists and Billy is his very devoted easygoing assistant that acts as an intermediary for his misanthropic professor.

There's potential for: hero worship, We Shouldn't Do This™ angst, establishing a healthy relationship despite status and age gap, and I've never written a student character, especially one who has to finish a PhD after he's been traumatized by the animals he was studying, so that's interesting.

Like, the movie isn't much, but it gives me just enough to want to write a study of their relationship during and post-canon.

And now I realize that both fics I'm currently writing are about fixing an established relationship after a big falling-out (partly, at least). Well, well.

Now, for my experience of rarepairs. I mostly read (and write, so far) in big to huge fandoms and I'm generally into the main ship (which is why I see Billy/Alan as a rarepair, although you might think that with 181 fics, they're not in this category). But sometimes (often, actually) I get interested in a media that has a very small fandom and I happen to ship characters that very few people seem to be interested in.

When that happens, I end up reading as many fics about that ship as I can find, and I really make sure to kudo and comment to thank the author. Fandom is never more a community than when it comes to rarepairs.

As a writer, so far I'm enjoying the experience. I feel more free because virtually nobody is watching and I can really write the thing for me, and me only. That's such a pleasure! It's really just me and my notepad, that feels great. I feel like a kid!

And about breaking in a ship tag... One of the ships I failed to find fics for the other day is Juan Borgia/Christoforo Castanea, or really Juan Borgia/any man for the show Borgia. Christoforo in himself is a tiny and unimportant character, but I'm seeing some gay subtext around Juan Borgia, and I can't believe I'm the only one! There's something about the desperate way he kisses men on the mouth especially his brother that I want studied!

Your ask inspired me, and I now have a couple of interesting ideas to explore the character's possible homosexuality/bisexuality in a fic. That would include writing about him and Christoforo and him and his brother, so I would functionally be breaking in two ship tags: Juan Borgia/Christoforo Castanea and Juan Borgia/Cesare Borgia (because Juan is an ugly duckling but he deserves to be invited to the sibling fuckfest).

Thank you so much for asking me this, Nara, I loved talking about it. And thank you for the inspiration, I'm now going to let these ideas simmer. I love you <3

#answered #ask game #Nara #writing #fanfic #borgia #billyalan #this made my night Nara <3

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cringelordofchaos · 1 year ago

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I had been summoned.

Im not great with explaining.

Im not sure if I wanna give away spoilers in case this person wants to watch it?

But basically, it's a Gacha webseries about the protagonist called Jake, who's been bullied in the past for his passions and interest. For years he had to act like someone he wasn't in order to please his closest friends because in reality they were all he had and he couldn't bear the thought of losing them at the time. He and his friends would bully the schools music club and Jake would do it alongside them because of peer pressure. That is until one day, he sings an edgy song on the schools rooftop and his crush catches him singing, and tells him to join the club. He then impulsively agrees with it and decides to join the club because he can't say no to his crush. He tells his friends that he's doing it just for his crush, and that he's going to leave the club once he sings in the competition, but his friends (ok only one of them who's gay for him) is sceptical of it.

As he joins the music club, he finds himself free to be himself, be passionate and happy around them and not having to hide who he is around them (sorta). He feels like home with them and even calls them his family. However one of his friends that used to peer pressure him into bullying the music club is definitely not happy about it, as he would spend more time with the club than the jomies (Jake + his homies). This also causes Jake feeling anxiety and feeling like he has to choose sides or sumth.

The series contains humor, angst, romance, friendship, rivalry, and more. While some of the characters don't get the exact treatment they deserve, all of them feel well rounded to me, and the shows writing is just good imo. There are also plenty of parallels between different characters and pairings I love to be with obsessed over (I really really like parallels in writing sometimes I accidentally try analyzing parallels in real life bc of it ). The relationship and the character's all feel imperfect and natural to me which feels like one of the shows greater strengths. The show also uses a lot of copyright-free music I wouldn't have found out existed otherwise.

Even when certain characters MIGHT feel shallow, there are plenty of headcanons and background information to make up for it, and random details and actions to base your theories on (which is why I luv Sean and random background/side characters so much).

I'll try summarizing characters in my own words as quickly as possible (this does not do justice for them btw)

Liam - vampire who has a thing for Stacy's mom. he's cool. and surprisingly emotionally mature imo??

Henry - a weird anime obsessed guy with a weird lettuce fetish of some sort lmao. canonically did lettuce-chan (fictional character in this universe) cosplays in the past. He has a meme bank and also probably jokes as a coping mechanism. simps for lia

Lia - at first seems like a pretty cliche mean girl, she literally either just agrees with whatever Zoey (nother cliche mean girl) has to say, and occasionally flirts with Jake. In reality she also suffers from peer pressure to fit in and she changed who she was in order to make friends with da popular kids IG. She left Hailey (music club member) for Zoey smh. But like the queen she is she gets a redemption arc and leaves Zoey behind cuz she doesn't need er

Zoey - cliche popular blonde mean girl who calls herself a girlboss. she's dating a college student and a gay teen her age for money and money exclusively. There's a theory that her family situation is actually pretty poor and that's why she's so desperate for money. she also mightttt have attachment issues though that's just me. She bullies milly

Milly - chaotic gremlin with anger issues who's been bullied a lot like almost everyone in this show. Canonically a multishipper. Physical embodiment of adhd

Jake - pretty insecure guy who lies often. but he does act pretty cocky often prolly to Maks lmao. prone to peer pressure and impulsive decisions. Good at flirting with everyone but his actual crush who he's incapable of having a normal conversation with

Daisy - Jakes crush. She practically seems perfect. But in reality she has to deal with a ton of pressure of extracurricular activities and her moms don't seem interested in her letting her have freedom at all. she gets embarrassed by crying in public. This girl needs freedom. She has stated it herself that she just wants something fun and free. Also she gets really excited and happy when it comes to the music club performing. Which is why in my essay I'll explain why she's a perfect fit for the music club-

Drew - Jakes jealous friend eho probably has attachment issues. And he definitely has anger issues too. Kinda manipulative but thinks HES the one being manipulated which is kinda true?? (It's complicated). He constantly tries to impress others mainly Jake with how rich his dad is and stuff. As the series goes on his mental health deteriorates more and more. Until it becomes a total breakdown. Anyway even thigh he's dating Zoey he's totally gay for Jake

Hailey - perfectionist with (social) anxiety and stage fright caused by her being bullied in the past. Passionate about music. Kinda sassy ig

Sean - chill guy who's usually in the background. Mature and relaxed and takes his time understanding others. Patient and really kind. Especially calm for someone who has parents who argue a lot. He feels like his parents aren't paying much attention to him cuz they argue so much, which is why he's probably so attentive to everyone and how they're feeling? Like idk that's just me

Luke -

Zander - anger, trust and (bio) father issues. gay AND European.

Elliot - random soft flower femboy who has a crush on Milly who likes him back. prolly autistic

Anyway there's characters I missed in kinda tired rn but yeah. ask me anything if needed

what's tmf ???

tmf stands for the music freaks:3 it's a gacha voice acted/musical series that you can watch here!! the animation gets better throughout the series imo

oh and also. @astromilo @cringelordofchaos help me out for a more in depth explanation on tmf and it's synopsis or smth 😭

#tmf #rb

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stormblessed95 · 3 years ago

Note

Hi!!! It’s me again. I hope your having a great day. As our resident BTSpedia I’m hoping you can tell me where to look cause I’ve been on YouTube and it didn’t help. Also this isn’t Jikook related.

I became army after the HYYH period. Everyone is extremely excited and I’m happy to be able to see it for myself. My confusion is why do they say it’s gay and they hope Yoonkook have a happy ending? I’ve watched what I can on YouTube to try and tie the moments and videos together, but I may be missing some things.

Do you happen to know why they call it this and where I may be able to get a full picture? Thank you!!!!

This is, in part, asking the impossible. Because you will likely get a different interpretation of the story with every person you ask. Plus there is so much and it's confusing no matter what. Lol So like everything else, it's best to dive into it all and draw your own conclusions. So I'll do a general overview of it all and then I'll get into why a lot of people, but especially the queer community, thinks it's gay. This is going to be an incredibly long post probably, so I apologize in advance lol. But I know I have a lot of baby armys on this blog too, so if yall are interested, hopefully this helps!

To start, it's always important to remind people that this is fictional. None of their relationships within this storyline or the things that they've gone through/did is an accurate portrayal of their real lives. Even if some things link up (like them all loving each other lots etc) they are playing characters, characters with their own names, but characters still. If we want to relate it to real life at all, the only thing we could do is possibly have an interesting discussion over the homoromantic themes BH included in this storyline full of trauma, angst, love and friendship and why they did that. Lol the general overall theme of this storyline though seems to be that SeokJin time travels in his efforts to save the other members, from outside forces and/or from themselves. As well as the overarching themes of the importance of friendships, etc.

So basically I'm going to go ahead and start this post off with a list of the videos, notes, webtoons, etc included in the hyyh BU storyline that you would need to watch/read in to get the best understanding of the story. As well as go ahead and tell you that the pairings are worth paying attention to. Which would be yoonkook, taejoon, jihope and then Jin is our main character basically. So yes, if you were just watching the videos, you definitely missed major chunks of the storyline. Also worth noting, the storyline can contain trigger warnings for violence, mental and physical abuse, suicide, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, homicide, and parental neglect. So just make sure you are good with all that before really digging into it.

The list, including links, in order of release:

BTS Begins Concert VCR

I Need U (original 19+ MV)

HYYH On Stage Prologue Video

Run MV

I Need U Japan MV

Run Japan MV

Epilogue Young Forever MV

Short Films 1 - 7 (Begin, Lie, Stigma, First Love, Reflection, Mama, Awake)

Blood Sweat and Tears MV

Blood Sweat and Tears Japan MV

The Wings Concept Book

Testesso "Smeraldo" Flower Shop Blog

Love Yourself Poster Translations

HYYH the Notes: Seokjin Translation

Highlight Reel: '起承轉結'

HYYH the Notes: Her

Euphoria: Theme of LY Wonder

HYYH the Notes: Jungkook Translation

Fake Love Teaser 1

Fake Love Extended Edition MV

HYYH the Notes: Tear

HYYH the Notes: Seokjin Translation

Comeback Trailer: Epiphany

HYYH the Notes: Answer

Smeraldo Books Twitter Account

Save Me Webtoon (15 episodes)

HYYH the Notes Book 1

HYYH the Notes: Persona

Game Concept Trailer

HYYH the Notes: 7

HYYH the Notes Book 2

BTS Universe Story Game

Some extra context, for the Testesso Smeraldo flower shop blog, this was started and found by ARMY after Seokjin tweeted out a photo with Smeraldo Flowers a couple days before the Love Yourself Era was introduced in 2017. It's a naver blog that is run by the owner of the fictional smeraldo flower shop that Jin encounters in the storyline. The blog basically describes the history of the flower leading up to the shops opening. None of the BU characters are named in the blog, but there are lots of hints pointing towards Seokjin being the customer that is described in multiple posts. The blog also has only been active and updating recently whenever BTS is having a comeback and starting a new era. The mentioned dates of the flower shop alleged openings have always been at the same time as BTS ends up announcing for their comeback. And the Smeraldo Books Twitter account was first opened with the introduction of the Save Me Webtoon Tweet. And has since posted notes for books 1 and 2, which contained all previous notes as well as unseen and updated ones too. And something to keep in mind as you read the notes too, each album seems to be a new timeline taking place and time leaps happening. So pay attention to the dates at the top of each of the notes.

There are many many many theories out there over wtf is even happening in this storyline. But there are a few key plot points that are "canon" and the theories are built around those. Basically the story starts with the boys all meeting and becoming friends in high-school, in the fictional world year 19. We see them meet in BTS Begins VCR, they got in trouble for being late and punished by needing to clean up an old storage classroom. They ended up becoming friends and using this classroom as a hideout and that is the start of the story. They fall apart a bit as adults.

A really good general story overview and theory of the storyline is done by Xceleste, which you can watch here if you want too

youtube

So since Celeste does a good job at talking about overall story plots and theories as well as pointing out things that are confirmed facts, etc. I'll just assume we all understand what's happening in the story and just talk about what things made some people think it's gay. In particular with yoonkook. Yoongi in the BU has some pretty severe attachment issues stemming from trauma. He does not want to be emotionally attached to anyone again. We see this in the notes when he is watching JK cry while playing the paino. JK himself having issues with fear of abandonment, self harm and suicide attempts (or successes depending on what timeline you are in). JK wanted someone to love him throughout his life while Yoongi was afraid of loving someone. He thought he wouldn't be able to protect Jungkook.

"I didn't want to be important for someone. I wasn't sure I could protect that someone till the end. I wasn't confident I could stand by that someone till the end. I didn't want to hurt that someone. I didn't want to get hurt" - Yoongi, The Notes, after finding JK playing the piano.

They often ended up meeting in this storage room to play piano and create music. Yoongi sharing that part of himself with JK. Despite him not wanting to care, it's clear he does when he steps in to protect JK from a teacher when they get caught in the storage room. Yoongi ends up expelled from the school and disappears. Yoonkook don't see each other again for like another 2 years. When I say this is angsty and traumatic 😭 its giving first love you never get over vibes

Begin short film had many things burning (which is a Yoongi connection), it starts off with JK calling Hyung and has him holding a painted portrait of Yoongi as well. In Yoongis First Love short film, we see him break into a shop to play the piano again for the first time in a long time, since giving up music after he got expelled. The piano ends up burning.. In the notes, Yoongi hears his song and runs finding JK who had broken into the shop to play the piano. Them meeting again for the first time in 2 years. We see the car speed past Yoongi in First Love, and in the notes we know that it's JK playing the piano he heard before the car almost hits him in an alternate timeline.

From the Save Me Webtoon, we can assume that this meeting again after he finds JK at the piano didn't go well. Yoongi rejects JK, telling him to just go. Which ended up with Yoongi in bed alone, horribly sad and running his hand over the empty spot in bed next to him. Missing someone. Missing JK? JKs shirt is also left with Yoongi in the motel room. And in making films, Yoongi talks about how for acting in this scene, he is sad from a break up.

In other timelines both yoonkook have attempted (and in the failed timelines, they succeed) suicides. Yoongi tries to commit suicide by fire, similar to his mother. After multiple attempts to save him, Seokjin realizes that just like Yoongi was the only one who could save Jungkook from jumping off the roof, JK is the only one who can save Yoongi.

"My last sight of this world was this dirty, isolated room, the red-hot flames and rolling heat, and JK's twisted face." - Yoongi, the notes, after he sets fire to his room and JK saves him

In the highlight reels after JKs car accident, he seems to make a friend to help him through his recovery in another girl at the hospital, but thinks of Yoongi often. Yoongi seems to have tried moving on, but not very well. He is either in a relationship with or good friends with another girl, but never seems super happy there. His breaking point being when he got a text about JK being in an accident but couldn't bring himself to go into his hospital room. Hoesok even bringing up that he should go see JK, "don't you know what you mean to him?" Being the exact quote he used that we see in the notes. Yoongi struggling to go see him because he felt that anyone close to him was bound to be hurt. When the girl Yoongi was with ends up playing at the hospital, JK recognized the music as the song he used to play with Yoongi in the storage room, and his lighter with Yoongi's initials hanging on her guitar. All his flashbacks were the softest scenes, honestly. And JK seemed to think of them so fondly. And in the behind the scenes that was filmed for those flashbacks, they were very awkward talking about the scenes they filmed and kept reiterating that it's not them in real life. Lmao which really lends to the theory they were playing boyfriends and knew the romantic undertones in these scenes playing out and what it looked like. "Complaining that they had to act like good friends" yes editors, "good friends." 🤣😅 The clip here:

Essentially with yoonkook, it was a lot of moments interlaced within their story and the way they talked to each other/about each other that really made it clear they were VERY important to each other, more so than the relationships they had within the group setting, which those were clearly important enough to time travel for. Lol the way their story interconnects in so many little ways with romantic undertones through all the interactions. A lot of people theorized that the piano in some ways represented JK in this storyline for Yoongi, making JK his first love as well along with music. The piano played when JK is around and stopped when he got into his accident. Yoongi getting up early with JK at the sea before everyone else to sit with arms around each other, smiling and gazing out to sea. JK giving Yoongi flowers in the Euphoria timeline video. They fight in Run over Yoongi breaking a promise to JK, theorized that the promise was to live. Resulting in Yoongi smashing a mirror with Blue Roses in its reflection, which is a flower that symbolizes unattainable love.

This is already insanely long, the main or most obvious "couple" in the BU was clearly yoonkook, but I think that there is a good argument to be made that Jihope and TaeJoon were also or had the potential to be more than just friends. Yoonkook is canon though, argue with the wall 😂

In high-school, Hoseok would walk Jimin home all the time, even though it was a really long way out of his way. They would dance together. We see videos of Jimin filming Hobi with the fondest smile on his face while he dances. He filmed Hobis dance partner too, which we learn is because Jimin wanted to be the perfect dance partner for Hoseok one day. Hoseok was also the one who took Jimin to the hospital the first time after his seizure before they didn't see each other again for 2 years. When they were both in the hospital, Hoseok slipped on the stairs and Jimin saves him. In both their short story films (Lie and Mama) we see similar situations and connections between the hospitals. We see Jimin continually look to the bed next to him, where Hoseok used to be, missing him. We see in Euphoria how Hoseok brings everyone together to help encourage Jimin to leave with them, to save Jimin from himself. Taking Jimin back home to stay at his house too. We even get in the behind the scenes for some of this footage of them in the hospital, when pretending to be in character during the scene where Jimin saves Jhope on the stairs, he calls Jhope "honey."

Plus we are getting quotes like during Hoseoks efforts to help Jimin in the hospital and help him escape.

"He reached for my hand..."

"Jimin, I'll come back for you"

"Hoseok said he would carry you on his back if he could"

And while Hoseok was watching Jimin dancing, he said "mistakes I saw during the practice approached me differently now. The small mistakes and amateurishness actually gave a unique wave. Jimin was different from me but he had his own timing, his own style of expressing. Jimin was shining and dancing in a way that moves people's hearts."

I'm just saying, they were very "I love you, let's live for each other" type of vibes.

Hyyh TaeJoon were basically the "be gay do crime" definition. Lol the tension in that loaded look between them as they got arrested. Like WOW okay. Plus, when Tae needed help, Namjoon was the first and only person he called. And always continues to think to call him first whenever he is in trouble. Literally placing all his faith and trust into Namjoon for a lot of things. Tae seemed to be one of the first to split off on his own. He found a new criminal friend, Namjoon seemed to have an interest in another girl for a while, but a lot seemed to stem from finding similarities of himself in her. They reconnected again in jail or in regards to being arrested (be gay do crime) later in the various timelines and quickly seem to be close again. We see similarities in their short Films as well, with the phone connections. Things or places or themselves being locked up/unreachable. We also see a lot of mirrored images through the MVs of moments that Taejoon were in together, to Tae being in alone. Alluding to feelings of lose and loneliness as well. Always again, saving each other. Looking out for each other, spending time together.

And we get quotes like this from Namjoon about Tae:

"And I asked myself: Do I believe Taehyung? And the answer was always the same."

"I feel like I'm losing my mind whenever I see him smile like that"

And from Tae about Namjoon:

"Can I stay here with you?"

"He held out his hand. I just kept looking up at him. His hand was warm."

Plus then we have the behinds where they say the scene they are filming is romantic and they are on a date, with Joon laying on Tae's arm 😅😂 idk what else to say about that. Lmfao

Basically HYYH BU is angsty trauma filled depression, queer youth found family with pillow fights, all the elements, and lots of flannel. And trauma. Trauma should be in this list 8 times. So much yearning and angst and hurt and trauma 😭 and now with Yet to Come being tagged "the most beautiful moment in life" aka HYYH, people are speculating that maybe we will finally get a conclusion to the BU storyline and everyone just wants a happy ending please. Lol there is honestly a lot more we could dig into to talk about symbolism and different motifs used. And all the potential queer coding happening, intentional or accidental. I know I definitely focused mostly on yoonkook here, but they really had the most going on. Like for real and the most angsty yearning codependency while being avoidant tendencies. Lol

Again, this is ALL FICTIONAL. THEY ARE ACTING AND PLAYING CHARACTERS. Lol please don't take any of this and translate it into real life relationships or scenarios. And again, this is mostly all theory too. So you can also go through and read all the stories (the notes books are still available for purchase on weverse) and decide for yourself what you think is happening. And it's okay to be confused. I'm still a little confused honestly too. Lol thanks for the ask. Sorry this is a whole ass essay and it took me so long! 💜

#my thoughts over hyyh and why is it gay

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seidenbros · 2 years ago

Text

I See Your True Colours Ch. 2

Requests are open | prompt lists for inspiration | Stranger Things Masterlist

Summary:“Is that… my shirt?” Eddie asked, a little confused. With Eddie awake now, everyone is a little more at ease. Still, Steve can't find sleep in his own home, not when he's alone. He still has to make sure that Eddie is alive, that he'd breathing, and so he does what he's done the last couple of weeks, and spends the night in Eddie's room. He's there when Eddie wakes from his first nightmare Who else than Wayne Munson is the one to ask Eddie about what is going on between him and Steve? Pairing: Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington - Steddie Word count: 3213 Warning/Tags: fluff, angst, canon divergence, everybody lives, nightmares,bisexual Steve Harrington, gay Eddie Munson, supportive Wayne Munson, end of and after S4 (let me know if I missed anything) Author’s note: Second chapter in 2 days, but I'll take more time with the others. I just thought this was necessary to get a better glimpse of where this is going - and I love the interaction between Eddie and Wayne Read on AO3 Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

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It's hard to take courage

“You look like shit,” Dustin remarked as soon as they were in Eddie’s room, trying his best to not let the emotions overwhelm him, but they did. And so, Eddie found himself beneath Dustin, who’d all but thrown himself at the older one.

“Easy there, my body is a mess.” Eddie chuckled, but he endured the pain, because having Dustin in his arms, seeing that he was doing alright, made the pain ease a little bit.

“Yeah, they tore you apart, but the doctors say that you’re healing well.” Slowly, Dustin got up again and pulled a chair close so that he could sit down. Steve stood next to him, wearing a shirt that looked way too familiar.

“Is that… my shirt?” Eddie asked, a little confused. It wasn’t Steve’s usual style, and he highly doubted that Harrington was listening to Iron Maiden.

“Yeah Steve needed a shower and a new shirt, so we gave him one of yours.”

“Hope that’s alright…” Steve looked a little sheepish, because he actually enjoyed wearing Eddie’s clothes. They fit well, and they made him feel close to Eddie even when he wasn’t here in the hospital. It was a weird feeling, but a nice one as well.

“Yeah. It looks good on you. A little unusual but good.” There was a moment of silence between them until Eddie cleared his throat, thinking back on what Dustin had just said. “Wait, what are my clothes doing at your house?”

They hadn’t been able to break the news to him so far, and it looked like Wayne hadn’t talked about it as well while Steve had been gone. Dustin and Steve exchanged glances, but then Dustin explained it to him.

“You’re staying with me. Wayne and you. Your trailer… it was torn apart.” He gave Eddie a moment to digest the fact that he’d lost the place he’d been calling his home for the last ten years. While it hadn’t been a traditional home for most people it was the only real home Eddie had known. “Wayne got everything out that was still intact. Your clothes, tapes, some of his mugs.”

“And your guitar,” Steve added, because he knew that it was Eddie’s most prized possession.

“Oh thank God.” Relief washed over Eddie, and he was able to breathe again. Yes, losing his home was bad, but there were just some things that he couldn’t lose that held value for him, and while the guitar wasn’t a cheap one, it meant so much to him, because Wayne had gotten it for him as a present.

“Thank you, Dustin.” For letting them stay with him even though Eddie was still here. But they’d given Wayne a place to live, people to be around, and that meant a lot.

“My Mum agreed straight away. She knows that you protected me, and she actually likes having Wayne around. One more person to fuss over.” Dustin couldn’t help but grin. It was nice to see his Mum this happy, see her get out a bit. She enjoyed making food for more than just the two of them, and Wayne was always so grateful and polite, that Dustin’s mother even got a little flustered here and there.

“Thanks for taking care of him.” Because as much as Wayne Munson was doing fine on his own, always had, it was good for him to have someone around, who would make sure that he ate enough and got enough sleep. He was pretty sure that Mrs Henderson was doing a fine job of that.

Dustin nodded with a smile. He knew that both adults were helping each other, and he wasn’t the only one his mother kept an eye on. Having Wayne around actually gave him a little bit of leeway, and he didn’t have his mother’s eyes on him twenty-four/seven. “How long do you have to stay here?”

“Depends.” Eddie scratched the back of his neck, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. They were taking great care of him, so he couldn’t complain, but he wanted to get out, get some fresh air, wear his own clothes again. Be himself. “They want to do some more tests tomorrow, and when I pass them all, I’ll be able to leave in two days. Just need to get my bandages changed every day until I won’t need them anymore.”

“So you have to come back here for that?” Dustin scrunched up his nose. He’d rather take Eddie home right now, get him out of here, but that seemed to be out of the question.

“I could help with that.” Steve looked at both of them and shrugged his shoulders when they gave him a questioning look. “I’ve got experience with these kinds of injuries.” Injuries that matched Eddie’s but were smaller. He’d taken care of them himself, because he’d acquired the knowledge a long time ago. It wasn’t the first time that he’d had to patch himself up. “Only if you want though.” He didn’t want to impose on Eddie, just offer his help.

“Are you kidding?” Eddie started grinning, even if it strained the healing skin on his jaw. “I’d rather let you do that instead of coming back here every day.” The sooner he could say goodbye to the hospital the better, and he wasn’t keen on coming back. He knew that he’d have to come in for a general check-up, but that would only be due in a week or two, he didn’t know yet.

“Then you can tell them that you’ll have your personal nurse.”

“OH, so you’re gonna wear a nice outfit as well?”

“In your dreams, Munson.”

While they were joking, and it felt good to see Eddie slowly becoming himself again, Steve couldn’t deny that his heart was beating faster again because of the way Eddie looked at him. That glint in his eyes, that mischievous grin… it made Steve smile to himself.

They stayed until Eddie was served his dinner, then they said their goodbyes, because Dustin was supposed to be home for dinner as well - and Steve was invited along with him, so that he got some real food. Wayne had talked to Claudia about him, so they’d made sure to have him around as much as possible, when he wasn’t spending time with Eddie in the hospital.

And that was what he did after dinner. Eating properly hadn’t been easy for him the first days, but ever since Claudia has asked him to stay or come over for breakfast, dinner, whatever, he’d gotten some proper meals, and now that Eddie was awake, Steve had even developed an appetite again. Still, sleeping was the other problem, which was why he’d been driving around town for some time, before he’d driven to the hospital again.

It was close to midnight by now, when he found himself in the parking lot. It was different now that Eddie was awake, and Steve knew that he was doing alright. Still, he needed to make sure that nothing would happen, because he wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise.

He gave a little wave to the night nurse, who only smiled at him. She knew that Steve wouldn’t cause a racket here in the middle of the night, so she let him through. He’d behaved so well all these weeks, that she really didn’t have to throw him out.

As quietly as possible, Steve opened the door, slipped inside, and closed the door again. The room was only illuminated by the small lights close to the floor that were turned on for safety reasons. Eddie was sleeping in his bed, dark curls framing his face. He was here, he was okay, and he’d be able to go home soon. All that put Steve’s mind at ease, but he still stayed. Because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep at home in his own bed anyway. It was too quiet, too dark, too lonely, so that all the memories came flooding back, no matter if he was awake or asleep. Taking care of someone else, watching out for them gave him something to do.

His attention was drawn towards Eddie again, when he heard the bedsheets rustle. Eddie began tossing in his sleep, his face contorted, but Steve couldn’t make out what he was mumbling to himself, so he stepped closer.

“Steve… Dustin… no!” quiet words that came over Eddie’s lips. His hands grabbed the sheet beneath him and it looked like he was in pain. Nightmares, Steve realised, because he went through the same again and again.

He leaned over Eddie, gently put one hand over Eddie’s, placed the other on his forehead. He felt a little hot, but maybe that was just Steve’s imagination. He was hoping that his touch would calm Eddie down a little bit, and it worked for a few seconds, but then he started again, whispering nonono over and over again, and Steve couldn’t bear it.

“Eddie you’re safe,” he said quietly, trying to calm Eddie down. He gently shook the other one’s shoulders, trying to wake him up, because when he couldn’t calm him in his sleep, he needed to stop the nightmare in a different way. “Eddie, wake up! It’s alright. You’re safe here!”

Eddie’s eyes opened with a start, his hand grabbed ahold of Steve’s and for a moment, he simply stared up at him in panic.

“Steve,” he whispered before he sat up and wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, pulling him close. For a moment, Steve remained unmoving, but then he carefully put his own hands on Eddie’s back. “I thought you…” Eddie couldn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t need to.

“I’m right here. Nothing happened to me.” Steve ran his hands over the back of Eddie’s head, through his hair, down his back, repeated that movement, until he felt Eddie relax in his arms.

Slowly, he pulled back a little bit, but reached for Eddie’s hands so that he could hold them, show him that he was still there and not a figment of Eddie’s imagination. Steve had needed that as well, when he’d woken up here. Then he’d walked up to the bed and touched his fingertips to Eddie’s hand, making sure that he was really lying there.

“I’m… sorry, I just…” Eddie tried to explain, but shook his head, not finding the right words.

“Nightmares,” Steve provided, nodding his head. So far, Eddie hadn’t had to deal with this, but now that he’d woken up, all these pictures were there. Maybe, he hadn’t been bothered by them because he’d been in the world of Tolkien, because Steve had read to him.

“I have them as well.” Steve swallowed hard, looked down at their joined hands. Eddie gave him a gentle squeeze.

“I didn’t have them when I was…” Eddie let go of one of Steve’s hands and made a gesture, not even wanting to finish that sentence, because all of it felt so surreal. “I was in the Shire… Because you read to me. You guided me in my dreams.”

Eddie felt his own heart pick up its pace at that moment. Steve had really done so much for him without even knowing it. Something in the air shifted when Steve’s lips curled up into a smile, and Eddie found himself staring at them. Steve had been on his mind even before he’d woken up again, had left quite the impression, but now even more so, and it made his skin start to tingle from where their hands were touching.

“Yeah, they told us that you might hear us, and since I wanted to read the books anyway, I thought I could read them to you. Dustin said they’re your favourite books and I thought maybe they’d help.”

“They did. More than you know.” A soft smile was playing on Eddie’s lips when Steve looked back at him. For a moment, there was silence between them, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. No, they both rather enjoyed it. Eddie couldn’t keep his hands still though, and started rubbing circles with his thumb into the back of Steve’s hand, who didn’t pull away. It was a nice feeling, he had to admit, but he wasn’t here to hold hands with Eddie Munson, was he?

“You need some sleep, Eddie.” he eventually said, still not breaking away from Eddie, from the bed. Instead, he kept his hand interlaced with Eddie’s and reached for the book with the other hand. “I’ll read you some more, as long as you promise not to laugh.”

“Promise!” As if Eddie would ever laugh at Steve in a situation like this. Maybe he’d mock Harrington a little once they were out of the hospital, but all in good fun. Right now, he was rather happy that Steve was staying here, reading to him. Because with Steve by his side, he felt a lot more at ease and was able to fall asleep in no time, Steve’s voice in his ear, still holding his hand. He felt safe, loved.

—

When Wayne Munson went to the hospital the next morning to have breakfast with his nephew before he could hopefully take him home, he found Steve Harrington there again. Not in a chair across the room this time, but right next to Eddie’s bed. Their hands were intertwined and Steve’s head was lying on Eddie’s thigh, the book right next to him. He must have fallen asleep reading to Eddie again.

“Hey…” Eddie whispered quietly, when he realised that he wasn’t alone with Steve anymore. He’d been awake for half an hour maybe, but he’d stayed as quiet as possible because he didn’t want to wake Steve. He looked so peaceful, just a little uncomfortable maybe.

“I see he read to you again.” Wayne couldn’t help but smile at the picture before him. He’d had a lot of time to talk to Steve, and he was glad to see him here. He was always welcome at the Henderson house, and if he was here, that meant that he was at least not alone. Wayne didn’t know Steve’s parents, and he hoped that he’d never meet them. They were probably not bad people, but they’d screwed up their relationship with their son and continued to do so.

“Yeah… helped me fall asleep.”

“He’s a good one.”

“He really is,” Eddie admitted. He’d said it before to Steve, when he’d hardly believed it himself, because Steve always seemed like he had it all, so of course, he had to be a douche. But he wasn’t. In the time they’d spent together - even if it had been really eventful and full of hiding Eddie from everyone else - he’d come to realise just what a good person Steve was. He was always there for his friends, put their well-being first, made sure nothing happened to them as best as he could. As much as he complained about being some kind of babysitter, he filled his role perfectly and took such great care of everyone around him, but didn’t really have anyone to look out for him. Eddie admired him for that, for the love and compassion he showed to the kids especially, but Steve also made him want to wrap him in a blanket and take care of him for a change.

“Let’s give him a few more minutes.”

And while Eddie wanted to grant him that, Steve woke up, slowly raised his head, and needed a moment to realise where he was. While he sat up straight, he let go of Eddie’s hand, rubbed both of his hands across his face.

“Mornin’,” he croaked, looking from Eddie up to Wayne. “Sorry… Must’ve fallen asleep.”

“No need to apologise, son.” Wayne patted his shoulder. “You know you’re always welcome.”

Eddie's heart warmed at seeing the interaction, the soft smile that appeared on Steve’s lips because of Wayne’s words.

“I should probably get going anyway.” Steve got up from his chair, but left it right there to offer it to Wayne.

“But you’ll come over for dinner, right? Claudia insists.” She’d reminded Wayne before he’d left for the hospital.

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” His eyes landed on Eddie again, a chaste smile on his lips. “See you later, Munson.” After all, he was sure that Eddie would get out today, which was all the more reason not to miss out on dinner with them.

“Yeah… see you,” Eddie called after him, but the door was already closed. He let out a sigh, reached for the book and closed it, put it aside to the other two Steve had already read to him.

“So…” Wayne said, sitting down next to Eddie’s bed. “What’s that between you two?”

For a moment, Eddie was at a loss for words. Wayne knew him too well, to not have picked up on the way Eddie had looked at Steve. Then again, Wayne was the one person Eddie had always talked to, so it was probably only natural that he’d realised how Eddie felt.

Years ago, Eddie had been so confused, so scared to talk about how he felt, whom he felt drawn to, but in the end, he’d opened up to Wayne. He was the only real father figure, he knew, and he hadn’t wanted to lose him, hadn’t wanted Wayne to kick him out if he knew, because that was what his real parents would’ve done. Not Wayne Munson, though, no, he’d always supported Eddie, and when he’d told Wayne that he liked guys, he’d simply opened his arms for Eddie and had told him that it was okay. There would always be people out there, who didn’t understand him, who didn’t even try to do so, who’d hate him for whom he loved, but Wayne wasn’t one of them. It’s okay, son, he’d said to Eddie and he’d immediately believed his uncle.

After opening up to Wayne, it had been easier. Some people knew, like his bandmates or Dustin, but not everyone. When someone asked him, he gave an honest answer, because by now, he wasn’t afraid anymore, but he doubted that Steve knew.

“Honestly… I don’t know,” Eddie answered with a sigh. “I have no idea what he feels or thinks, just…” He shrugged his shoulders, a little confused right now. There had been moments between them. Looks that lingered a little too long, the hand holding last night, gentle touches here and there… But maybe, that was just his imagination.

“What about you?”

“Do you really have to ask?” Eddie quirked an eyebrow at his uncle which was followed by a long, drawn-out sigh. Opening his heart for someone had never been easy for Eddie. Wayne was the first person who’d shown him love without wanting anything in return. In his life, he’d had one short-lived relationship, but apart from that, nothing serious. He was longing for it, to love and be loved in return, but letting that guard down was hard. Steve had managed to tear his walls down in a matter of days - leaving out the three weeks he hadn’t been conscious. It scared him on the one hand, but on the other, he simply enjoyed being in Steve’s presence.

Let me know if you want to be tagged for the Promises-series, Eddie x Reader stuff in general or Steddie-fics 💚

#steddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson x steve harrington #steddie imagine #steddie fanfic #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfic #staffi writes #steveddie #eddie x steve #steve x eddie

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