#but there is genuinely so much Good Stuff there the issue is more that they. don't develop/focus on it for some reason
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Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 731.
Well, after two long years of posting, I’m finally taking a break.
Thank you guys for everything for the past two years. It’s genuinely been so fun making daily doodles. But all good things must come to an end eventually. I’m tired.
What are the plans moving forward?
read below the cut if you’d like to know!!
Taking a break:
Life in general has been really rough lately. Tons of family drama, personal medical issues making it impossible to function some days, and my childhood dog recently passed away a few days after Christmas last year. So it was a real challenge to “keep up appearances” if you know what I mean.
I’ve said this plenty of times in the past already, however I’ll repeat it since there’s surprisingly a lot more new people that have followed since then. I’m taking a whole month off from posting entirely. So I won’t be active on Silksongeveryday until about March 14th. Why? Hopefully it’s obvious but posting daily content for two years straight really does something to you. I’ve grown tired of this blog just a little bit, and I feel stepping away from it for a month will help me reconnect. I still love the game and its community, and I’d hate for my disinterest in a single blog to ruin that. If a month long break could fix that then so be it.
I’m also taking a somewhat indefinite break from daily doodles. I WILL still be posting doodles occasionally every once in a while after I come back from my month long break. However I won’t be doing daily doodles.
So no daily doodles ever again?
There is only one condition that has to be met for me to return to daily doodles.
A Silksong release date is announced.
Which is…let’s face it, a release date might not happen any time soon. 6 years of near radio silence from TC? I’m not expecting much, especially not in a month.
But WHEN a release date is announced I’ll definitely return to daily doodles and do a sort of daily “countdown” until Silksong is officially out.
Will doodle requests still be open?
Yes! Even if I will no longer be doing daily posts I will still occasionally post every once in a while with doodles! So if there’s a specific doodle you’d like to request and you have an extra $1 hanging around, hornet doodle requests are open on my ko-fi!!
What about the current projects that were happening on Silksongeveryday?
I’m still working on them! Just as mentioned before, a lot of stuff happened irl so it’s kind of on the back burner.
For the Hornet Journal Series: I plan to post the remaining entries after I come back from my month long break. Whether I work on them during that month long break totally depends on how I’m feeling. But there may be a likely chance I work on a few here and there on my own time! But regardless, I do plan to finish this project. So no worries!
For Hornet’s Strange adventures: I know it’s been ages since this particular project finished on the blog. Development for the free game is slow going since I’m working on this project entirely by myself with a game engine I’ve never used before. Progress is being made but it’s unfortunately slow thanks for irl conflicts. But, just like the journal series, I do plan to finish this project so I promise it won’t be abandoned!! I just need a break first lol.
___________
I think that’s all I have to say?? But if anyone has any questions, asks are always open and I’m more than happy to answer just about anything!
Thanks again for the wonderful experience, it’s been an amazing journey with you guys <3
See you all in a month!!
#ssed#silksongeveryday#hollow knight#silksong#hk hornet#hollow knight hornet#silksong hornet#hollow knight fanart#hk fanart
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Sorry, still thinking about The White Olive Tree which is living in my head - I fully accept that the ending could be nothing but what it was but in my head I want to either write a 40k slow healing fic or, since I know I don’t write, rewatch Hidden Love to see Chen Zheyuan as a good guy who gets fluff and happiness.
But aside from that, I am thinking I haven’t seen a drama outside (pun) the old Taiwanese drama The Outsiders (sheltered rich girl rebellious poor boy fall in love, her fam disowns her he becomes a killer for the Triads as the only way to eat, they end up utterly destroyed by the darkness) which went so hard on the “their love was pure and true and it would have been better for both of them if they never met.” Maybe A Love to Kill kdrama?
All I know they don’t really make them much like this any more - fluff yes and overcoming adversity yes and yes gritty “we are cool and world sucks” stuff commissioned by Netflix and co. But not something that is delicate and tender and following two gentle people and yet such an utter slow thorough breakdown.
It’s old school in the best way which might explain why I love it. I am thinking of Taiwanese Silence and Japanese Taiyou No Uta and Korean Snow Queen - being good not really resulting in a happy ending. (The ending of Silence with Vic Chou’s character speaking into the camera about how terrified he is still stays with me - ooof.) I genuinely think this is one of the reasons this wasn’t a big hit - this sort of vibe is not one current audience see much of and not sure want much of. (Compare it to CZY’s own mega hit Hidden Love which I adore but which is very much on the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of just world paradigm. His character has some tragedies in his background but they never take over the narrative and he ends up loved and happy. It is a much more comforting narrative.)
I think the sort of narrative Olive gives us - trauma stays and heroism sometimes is not enough - isn’t even that common in costume dramas any more (Eternal Brotherhood and Heroes 2024 gave it to us and both were small dramas for a reason - I cannot think of a big budget costume production with that theme in the last five years. LYF got close but ultimately chickened out.) And it is hugely uncommon in moderns. I don’t have any issue with that because everyone has different tastes and I am not one to mandate to others - but for someone who loves the Olive type narrative, it was like water in the desert. (And of course even old dramas or shows from most anywhere rarely dwell on trauma the way Olive did - not inspirational, not dark/cynical. And to give it to one’s male lead, and one in such a macho profession and one who is a bona fide hero, is freaking wild in how unusual it is.)
I mean, Olive stands out in its themes even from my other favorite modern cdramas. If we take a look at Lighter and Princess (another modern love story with a driven damaged ML and a ride or die FL who has been hurt herself but takes on his demons repeatedly) or Will Love In Spring (two differently damaged people discovering love with each other) or Go Ahead (damaged quasi adopted boys healing with help of found fam) - they all have happy endings with the mains so much better off than they started. Because the degree of damage is different and less, because the world is kinder and the environment less extreme. The FL of L&P would follow ML into hell if she had to but she didn’t have to, maybe just a little bit of the purgatory. He’s quite damaged (especially after jail) but it’s the kind of damage that can be slowly healed with love and support, it doesn’t need diagnosis and meds. Olive could have perhaps gone that way before Zan went back for the last time but as is…
Anyway, I am not sure I even have a point other than I love this drama so so so so much. I never thought anything would displace the perfection that is Lighter and Princess from my first place as a modern cdrama but here we are…
PS still shocked how hard Olive went. I was so sure they’d never go as hard as the novel. And then they chopped off his fingers.
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Explain in extreme detail why you love Sunset Shimmer
You just poked a bear lol
So here's the damn thing. A lot of bad guys in this show have underdeveloped or basic-ass backstories. Its not always an issue, sometimes it doesn't mess with anything. But Sunset being the first pupil of Celestia immediately raises an eyebrow, immediately calls to attention how she must have had a much more different role in the background, and ages imply that she would have been very young as a pupil of Celestia. Good times.
From that, just that little smidge of concept, you can already consider so many possibilities with this character. Making her being an antagonist that was beaten down and then redeemed is one thing thats already done and fun enough. But she actually joins the main cast of her show, she has to work for it, there's a period where she's hated and shunned, where she has to crawl on her hands and knees to earn her damn place in the light of good
So when she's actively a part of the group and is the catalyst to their victory, literally ASCENDING TO HELP, she proves to everyone just how far she's changed and blows the villans away.fantastic.
And then its not even done there! She keeps growing, keeps improving, becomes a LEADER, A GENUINE LEADER of the mane 5, and then manages to become a goddamn friendship seraphim
AND WITH THIS NEWFOUND POWER SHE USES IT TO ACTIVELY HELP SOMEONE THAT LOST HER WAY, JUST LIKE IT WAS ONCE DONE FOR HER
Hers is one of the most engaging and fun 'redemption arcs' ive ever had the pleasure of witnessing, and of the entire show, I think its the best one, tbh.
It's just impecably entertaining how in the movies, comics, specials, she is always burdened by loss. She has multiple times lost everything, and even then, she makes her way back. she tries to become better, to improve herself, to grow. All of these things make her a character that is endlessly full of potential for creating more stories and developing even further. The canon does a lot right, and yet leaves even more space to develop, such as her relationship with celestia, the potential of what she does after, whether ts in equestria or in the human world, and how far she can go to save those she cares about n stuff.
She comes back! The sun alegory is fantastic, the phoenix allegory is incredible, she's the immortal Sunset Shimmer, and I fucking love that for her. Also I like it when she and twilight fuck nasty. Doesn't matter which one lol
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No cause I need to crash out about this a little bit because YOURE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE MISOGYNY 😭😭
I’ve read SO many fics where Sylus is OOC it’s concerning. People can write what they want, I’m a firm believer in that, but it feels like we aren’t even talking about the same character sometimes. I’ve read fics where Sylus calls reader/mc ‘slut’ during intimacy and I physically recoiled because Sylus would rather die a thousand deaths than call us that. Even if you asked him to he’d double and triple check you actually wanted that and still probably wouldn’t be thrilled to.
Like…genuinely, you can write whatever trope/kink/whatever you want, but if you slap Sylus over it then at least tag it OOC. I read a cheater fic that wasn’t tagged and had a vague summary, and I just had to grimace when I realized that’s what the fic was because Sylus would never in a billion years EVER cheat on us. The same goes for the other Lis. They are designed to love us and only us. They would never be so desperate for sex that they would fucking cheat. ESPECIALLY Sylus, who has stated he’s never been with anyone else. Not to mention, this man doesn’t give a fuck about random flings or one night stands. This man makes love, wants more than anything to just be able to make you feel good and show you how much he loves you. Why do you think he asked for consent multiple times before he dove in, in Nightly Rendezvous? Men like that don’t cheat 😭😭
As for the fic you’re mentioning, I’m glad I haven’t seen it, cause that is just…so far from what Sylus would do 😩 That implies a level of emotional immaturity that Sylus has repeatedly shown he is not down with. He literally encourages us to feel our emotions in a healthy way, and wants to be the safe space where we can feel them without judgment. People like that aren’t going to ghost you out of pettiness, that is just so fundamentally incongruent with how he acts and what he says. I could maybe see Rafayel doing something like that, but even then I don’t think he’d ghost us for DAYS, that is just an insane level of childishness.
Speaking of Rafayel, I read fics of him and Xavier too, even though I’m a Sylus main, and this problem is not nearly as common or consistent in how they are misperceived. Rafayel does get mischaracterized, a lot of people tend to forget how dangerous he can be, but even then I don’t see it as often in fics. And Xavier, I’ve only seen one or two fics where he’s OOC, and usually it’s with the same tropes discussed above.
I think a lot of this issue stems from 1. Infold’s marketing team and 2. Sylus first few interactions with the player in the main story. Unfold framed Sylus as the booktok daddy dom alpha male in his trailer, and a lot of people haven’t been able to look past it to the kind of character he actually is. I also know quite a few people write for Sylus without actually playing the game, which is fine, but again, some OOC tags would be nice 😩 And as for the main story, if you don’t bother to dig any deeper, he does seem like some dark romance dom, but if you look into his lore, especially the dragon myth you can see so clearly just how much pain he is in that you don’t remember him. It breaks my heart replaying those parts now because you can just see the anguish in his eyes that the one person who saw him as more than a monster doesn’t remember him. It’s so fucking sad 😭😭
That being said, I do wish the game did more to address the way Sylus treated us at the start. I’ve read some incredible fics that do, specifically this one, and it’s so fucking good. It holds Sylus accountable while acknowledging how actually romantic and loving he is. That first meeting he wears a mask to hide his pain, and this fic gets it so so right.
As someone who has been writing fanfic for years, a lot of time my fics are almost like a character study, diving into how they would react in different situations, what has motivated them to become the character they are. Sometimes I get stuff OOC too, and I’ll often put little explanations in the notes about why I chose to make them act the way I do, how I came to that conclusion about them. That’s different then blatantly writing them to do and say things they would rather die than say or do for the sake of a kink or trope. Cause that’s what it boils down to most of the time.
I also understand we’re talking about a fictional character, and none of this really matters in the grand scheme of things. But as a fic author myself, it’s painful how much Sylus in particular is twisted into something he just fundamentally isn’t. Why not write for another character at that point? 😭
It’s so clearly misogynistic because woman are always expected to cater to the man. Always expected to make room for his emotions and not get that compassion back. I’ve seen it so often in real life, I just want to tell these woman YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER. And the Lis want to be that better for you. As I wrote in my most recent Sylus fic, he would genuinely be so disappointed if you just rolled over and let him treat you like shit. Like, babes, who hurt you? An intimate partner should not be acting like a child with petty games like that 😭 It reminds me of that video of the guy saying “bitch, what’s for dinner?” to his gf, and when she responds meekly, he tells her to slap him if he ever speaks to her like that. That is Sylus. He’d want you to beat the shit out of him if he ever treated you that way. He loves and respects us way too much to let anyone, including himself, get away with that shit.
I’ve been meaning to make my own post about this, so sorry for the long crash out. I just…AHHH I MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM. IVE SEEN THIS IN OTHER FANDOMS TOO IT MAKES ME INSANE
Hi! This is my first ask/time doing one of these but I just wanted to come here and say I ABSOLUTELY agree with practically EVERY word you said about sylus. Honestly BLESS your soul for you saying it because damn did it need to be said.
hihi, thank you for taking the time to send me something!
and thank you!!! i'm not usually one to post my 'hot takes' in public because i usually can't be bothered, but this really frustrated me. ESPECIALLY because i write my own fanfic, characterization is super important to me because if it doesn't feel like the character... what's the point, right? i get that there's a certain level of nuance to each character, and nobody but the creator of said characters is going to get them perfectly correct, but for god's sake sylus was CREATED by infold to love you, to be in love with you. this may just be my take, but having been on the recieving end of that treatment: nobody who truly loves you would ignore you for something so inconsequential to sylus as a buisness meeting or whatever. (i have two specific fics in mind but i don't want to reference them speficially because i'm genuinely not trying to call out anyone in particular)
because like. again, from what my friend has said and from what @bloomfalls and @seradyn have added to my og post in the tags, sylus wants YOU and only YOU. he's not the type of man to leave you wondering, to make you second guess his feelings.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/812edcc6fdaa3e39f08bc1a837990051/fc517332e3395da2-be/s540x810/3d38682ed474eee65bee21faf6cf83c53464fba4.jpg)
^ direct quote from said friend ily dawg ur the realest
writing fanfic is really hard, esp when it comes to characterization, but i feel like in a game where these guys are SPECIFICALLY love interests it's like... guys the writing is on the walls, the floor, the cieling, and a sticky note duct taped to your forehead. it's so easy. for other fandoms, where it's not focused on love interests it's harder to be like 'x wouldn't act like this', so i will 100% give those people grace. but if i wrote something for sylus, (winkwinknudgenudge) i feel like! it would be pretty easy, given how we are GIVEN A MANUAL ON HOW HE TREATS THE PERSON HE LOVES.
and lastly: as i said, writing sylus so that he expects the reader to come crawling back to him after dogshit treatment and having the reader do exactly that, is misogynistic. i'm sorry, it has to be said.
#like…on GOD just write for a character who would actually act like that#cause what’s the point of making it Sylus when he would never ever do that#I don’t mean to get heated or anything. people can still write what you want#just please tag accordingly#I beg of you#l&ds sylus#lads sylus#lnds sylus#sylus#love and deepspace sylus#sylus x reader
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/edae6bec7864a34fb94b8a353458e446/50f3dc88050792a4-da/s540x810/c764835ec989aa75033323aece798e76b9750cad.jpg)
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.
#I've never been interested in Riordan's work and the Percy Jackson books I did read as a young lad didn't change my mind on that topic#Growing up I preferred a very one or the other method for my greek adaptational content#which essentially means either you're a play or an adaptation of a legit story or myth with recogniseable figures and plotpoints#or you're an original story with mythical elements but the myths and the adaptations and interpretations of those myths is secondary#Percy Jackson did both and it was very disorienting for me because the books were well grounded enough that when I came into contact#with some element I didn't recognise or couldn't remember I myself would get confused and go “Is that true? like really?? :0c”#Then I ran a library book club and Percy Jackson books were p much all the kids wanted to read#but they rejected all of my supplementary greek myth exercises and got a lot of stuff mixed around#because percy jackson does a rather good job of making a convincing argument that it knows its stuff and people will quicker cite that#than do readings of the much more difficult older texts and translations of text#It's not Percy Jackson's fault it's just a bad experience that stuck with me and by extension leaked over into Trials of Apollo when that#was released#Trials of Apollo was crazy because I generally make it my business to consume any and all greek myth interpretational media that bothers#to include Apollo (there is a shockingly low amount of things that do that)#however a LOT of novels especially never let Apollo retain the dignity of a god in their portrayals of him#and have him resemble a teenager more than anything even remotely close to an adult#I had just gotten finished reading a novel adaptation of the story of Coronis and Apollo with this same issue#so when I opened the first volume of ToA and saw that Apollo simply genuinely WAS a teenager#Frankly I just closed the book and put it back on the bookstore shelf and very calmly walked away LMFAO#I have nothing to say about Hellenists and neo hellenists y'all seem like wonderful people and I hope#you have a lovely time with your e-offerings and worship#unless you are my single personal friend with Apollo as your patron#then I wish you 1000 woes and 10000 divine brain blasts#toa#pjo#ginger rambles
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god is swuarshing me beneath his thumb like i am an aphid or perhaps a clover mite. yeah. its slow and painful and im small. and also meek
#just me rambling again#guys. guys i have been just barely scraping by for what feels like so long it's genuinely so overwhelming and confusing and just very#unsettling for me to be having good feelings especially like.. big ones#i kind of feel like im dying ?? not actually physically but my entire brain just really doesn't know what to do#ive got some rational anxieties but also a lot of really stupid small ones just that are so all over my brain#and the cause feels so stupid. ok cool so ur falling for one of ur friends. happens. ok so same friend VERY OBVIOUSLY likes you too. ok ok#a little weirder but something that has happened before#but there's just so much in mybrain anxious abt stuff (ive been forgetting to take my anxiety meds a lot the past week(#idk i just feel like somehow it's not fair to them??#like. being with me or me trying to maybe be with them feels like... im taking away something from them or from their life#even tho we literally talked last night abt dates we really really wish we could go on#and how we obviously would just work well together we're compatible in basically every way#it also would be low pressure not heavy commitment because at the end of the summer we're both planning to move for college things#and she's looking at colleges in New York and nyc and im looking at colleges in oregon or Washington#so yeah.. literally across the entire country from each other#but that almost scares me more bc i have the it will come back hozier type of attachment issues where it's so so difficult for me to ever#let go of things once ive latched on (everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it or whatever) and i really don't want to leave my#claw marks in them bc like. god i really would adore having a thing for however many months we have but im so goddamn scared#that im either not going to be able to let go or one of us is going to detach well before we leave bc thats a reasonable emotional response#and thatll be it's own hell#but also#im 18 almost 19 (and i will make clear that they're in the year below me which also makes me feel really bad but that's a whole other can o#worms there) and its been a long while since ive just. let myself LIVE. ive been the shell of a man for months now. maybe another#stupid and wonderful and beautiful and terrible teenage romance wouldnt be the end of the world.#hell i was so convinced i would never ever ever not be in love with my more recent ex girlfriend and i still love her as a person but im#definitely not still in love with her and our splitting hurt but it was something that i was able to cope with and grow through#idk im rambling a lot longer than i have in a while i just have a lot of feelings right now.#i want to kiss them (again and more) i want to go to a stupid drive in movie and go to museums together and a picnic and all the shit that#we talked about last night and we both love in similar ways and feel our feelings really big and unapologetically#idk i have so much to say but running out of tags on here. double date maybe on friday ? we'll see what happens i guess.
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman
#rat rambles#stars posting#I feel like the biggest change in my taste in characters as the years have gone by is Im now far more biased towards old ppl lol#although tbf I was also the one person in 2016 who actually liked asgore so maybe Ive always liked parhetic old ppl#but yeah the reason isa is past me bait is because hes an exploration and subversion of the sort of tropes I Hated as a kid#and I still dont like them so isa still appeals to me its just not as much as he would have to a younger me#I do genuinely love all the party very dearly tho theyre all soooo good#I think my favorite part of isabeau is how like. of everyone we get to see the least facets of him but like in a very good way#this is a man who hides and bottles shit hes so fun to rotate#his self image is so carefully controlled compared to everyone else which makes him an incredibly interesting character to analyze#and I love that despite him seeming like the most emotionally stable person here on the surface he still clearly has like. hashtag issues.#like he's in that beautiful zone where its so so fun imagining what it would look like to truly break him#<- normal things that normal ppl say. like me.#I may have my very light beef with alt looping aus as a concept but hes probably the most interesting alternate looper to me#also my light beef exclusively relates to king quest stuff which is why Im a big fan of duo looper aus with sif#but honestly. isa might be the only one that I genuinely think works better as a solo looper even with taking king quest into account#although bonnie comes close. I <3 looper bonnie I <3 seeing fictional children go through the horrors#I think theres a lot of fun to be had with any alt looper au tho I just am a huge king quest fan so I like it when my favorite elements of#it dont have to be handwaved#but yeah the real question is how would younger me feel about mirabelle#because on the one hand: acearo character#but on the other hand: I have always been a little hater abt romance so idk if younger me would rly be able to follow her character well#I wasnt exactly good at character analysis back then lol#except for the instances in which I was but I dont have that sort of faith in my younger self#yknow Im thinking abt my history of favorite characters now and I think me being one of few 2016 alphys enjoyers might have been a prophecy#she was my quote unquote third favorite but in reality she was second#I think she chara and peridot su teamed up to define my taste in fictional characters for the next several years#and somehow that lead to olivia becoming one of my favorite fictional characters of all time#I say somehow as if that isnt a very natural conclusion
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Parallax feels for y'all
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ee88daef28d5622f249153b34a5b55fd/0a4e3bc56f34e313-47/s640x960/24fdf7be17b62419803f6fc3a50bde3fb177f4aa.jpg)
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#i've been thinking about this for hours. Like it's so sad.#This happened immidiately after Hal gives up his ring to Kyle and Ganthet gives him powers#I've also been thinking about the gardiens and the way they're portrayed and seen as#Like the people who'd only read this issue they'd think Hal is selfish or just overwhelmed by grief#But it's so much more than that#When Hal calls the gardiens “Blue tyrans” it's not only genuine but also legitimate#The gardiens take a lot of autonomy from corps members like asking hal to kill his friend Priest in 1960 GL special issue 2#And they've done a lot of terrible things that can't be erased in anyway#One good example are the manhunters (failing which led to the GL corp) and gold lantern replacing the GL in legion of superhero timeline.#Like I've gotten into comics WAY after watching animated marvel and dc stuff because TV#But I've been thinking about the Green lantern animated serie (how good it was) and the manhunters and the guardiens#Anyway my rambling is useless but I just wanted to post a thing about Hal#Sad feeling aside can you feel the babygirlism in the last panel#hal jordan#green lantern#parallax#Hope the tumblr girlies (gender neutral) are proud of themselves#They infected me with the Parallax fangirlism#sunnyscript#sunnyscriptpost#comics posting#sunnyscripttags
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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Super heavy vent ahead in the tags
#bird chirps#vent#Talking about political stuff and suicidal ideation#But genuinely I cant anymore with this election. Im fucking terrified#Granted my dad’s a major pessimist and I think he lowkey enjoys others suffering#So his passionate rants about how we have no future and life isnt worth it if Trump wins definitely isnt helping#But holy shit Im actually terrified#Im trying to not crawl into the pit of despair but I really don’t know how life can go on worst case scenario#I cant delay my life four more years minimum for another recession/depression#I cant stay in this house and watch my rights get taken away#Theres just so much shit to be afraid of#And granted I live in a swing state. I think its still a swing state anyway since we tend to vote republican#So the campaigning here gets brutal#But it’s hard to stay positive when it seems like EVERYONE irl is so fucking pro trump#Im just praying theres a silent majority and that isnt the case#But God I cant fucking do this man#Situations where you have little to no control over the outcome are a fucking nightmare#I can vote so at least that’s something. But thats not enough to ease the anxiety#I need the outcome to be GUARENTEED and thats just not gonna happen#So I just sit here as shit gets worse and it’s harder to keep calm#And I dont have a good track record of having Safe Mental Health while in election times#So this just. Really fucking sucks#I hate when I get like this because it feels like such a major step back#And with an event THIS big its hard to push it all away as irrational and a mental health issue#Because my brain goes ‘Well LOGICALLY you WONT be able to go on so this is a correct way to think’#I hate it so fucking much#If Trump wins Ill pick up smoking or something. Fuck it#Deciding on an action like THAT is still less destructive than full on suicide plan#But I just. I cant fucking do this#Can I teleport to 2028 and just pray everythings okay
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The problem I'm having with one of my stories is that it is compelling - but not clicking.
It's a sephiroth gets reincarnated into mdzs. Straightforward. I've got several branching paths: lwj, jc, nmj (my personal fave) and the jade twins (one mind in two bodies). All five of them have great potential, but for some reason my heart is set on sephiroth!lwj, because the aesthetic is sublime.
But! It's! Not! Working!
My main problems are a) despite similar surfaces, sephiroth has fundamentally different morals and life experiences to lwj and lwjs morals are a huge part of his and wwx's stories. B) I can't NOT have wangxian. I don't ship often at all, but when I do I'm pretty set on it lol. I don't want to deny soulmates. Unfortunately I HATE writing romance. C) I do not think sephiroth should be in any sort of romantic relationship at all nor can I see him wanting one. I've read tons of fics where he is in relationships (healthy or otherwise) and they're amazing, yes, but... Under my pen it's just not in the cards. And I do feel pairing him with wwx would just amplify wwx's worst traits, which is the opposite of what lwj does for him.
Everything's in conflict, but the lure of sephiroths second childhood in strict gusu and his complicated feelings about it, wwx being a perfect mix of all his important people with a spine of steel and righteousness that they all lost as everything fell apart, the relationship between sephiroth and his new mother, and how he'd inexplicably lose her too, the white on white aesthetic, the older identical brother, the cruel angels aesthetic with the benevolent demon, the angst of wwx's defection and death, his relationship with qi as a planet's overflowing life force, the tragedy of the mourning angel, monster x monster.... It calls to me.
But there's also the way wwx becoming a demonic cultivator was so vital to winning the war, and the way that affected things, gave him a legitimacy. Involve the silver soldier, and well. Everything else becomes a little extraneous lol. And sephiroth himself is such a big mover and shaker, I don't know what I could do to manage that without wiping out 80% of the remaining jianghu after the burial mounds siege with sephiroth appointing himself king lmao. He's not the kind of person to make small ripples, you know?
And I'd love a twin jades au to sort of turn the chaos inwards a bit (nmj and jgy would be Excellent foils) but again, I can't separate wangxian and imagining scenes feels a bit too close to incest for my tastes, even when it's ONE PERSON in identical bodies!
It's frustrating, wanting to write a non romance fic set in a love story lol. I just. I hate writing romance. But wangxian just don't want to be parted.
But the image of lwj in the xuanwu cave secretly covering a feverish wwx with his wing, only to notice a handful of white feathers pushing through the black as he unknowingly becomes a better person through showing care for other people, shaking his own deep belief that he is a horrible irredeemable creature incapable of love. Caught in an act of love. Hnggh.
Any ideas?!
#It's so frustrating because the block is on my end it's less so an issue with the actual plot#I know people love crossover character reincarnations even in canon soulmates (my other fics have shown me that lol) but wangxian feels lik#Too much? Idk I don't. Want to try and create a relationship#If you don't know in ff7 wing colour is determined by their morality. As a kid sephiroth was symbolised with white feathers#But as he grew older and later snapped he got the iconic black wing. I see it more as a 'what do they perceive themselves as' which#Gets extra angst points for unreliable narration and blindly righteous vs self loathing vs healing vs denial#The wing probably shouldn't be in the fic it's from the j cells and a symptom of insanity but ehhh it's too cool and symbolic#Like there's so much you can do with seph!lwj. Burning nibelheim vs cr burning. Prodigy on a lonely pedestal. Strict gusu vs sterile shinra#Having a mother but being restricted from her and losing her anyway and nobody telling him anything because he's a little kid#Angel x demon aesthetic on the battlefield. Safer mode HAS to make an appearance I don't make the rules (it's way too underrated ToT)#Wwx would get horns and fangs and stuff to balance it out lol. Noncon bodmod from the energy coursing through you#I feel he'd relate. Lwj being utterly terrified of wwx mentally degrading from the resentment and being forced to watch him ruin himself#Lwj seeing the best of all the people he loved in wwx and seeing him be so genuinely relentlessly GOOD where they fell apart.#Him being terrified of his own overwhelming feelings hurting wwx like cloud. The possessiveness and simultaneous avoidance#Him being even less easily flustered XD. Wwx has a high bar to top some fans from his last life.#Bb lwj getting really stubborn over wanting a stupid big sword and then growing huge enough to use it lol#Sephiroth getting a 'proper' childhood and being so unused to it he can't tell it's still not a very good one. Being doted on by his big br#mdzs#mxtx mdzs#mdzs fanfiction#mdzs fic#mo dao zu shi#lan wangji#ff7#final fantasy vii#cloud strife#final fantasy 7#sephiroth#This is working on the idea sephiroth got controlled by jenova btw the other version is beyond hope#mdzs au
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sorry if this comes off weird or anything but i wanted to say i’m so glad hugo is one of the characters u choose to cosplay because u fit him so well i’ve seen a handful of hugo cosplays and u just embody him (in my opinion). ur so hugo to me ok bye
did one of the kinnie accusers send you. be honest
#JOKE THIS IS A JOKE#hiding the more sincere response in the tags... hopefully u see.... lol........#but no its not weird at all i actually very much appreciate this! ough#cosplaying him came at a pretty integral time i feel like. ive had a lot of stuff going on#a lot of which is Identity and/or Gender related issues lmfao#like trying to be more authentic to myself etc etc. augh#but being able to just capture a character so Easily for once- while remaining true to myself- has been um. we'll say helpful#to say the absolute least but thats good enough for now. probably :^)#so a comment like this is genuinely nice........ but u didnt hear that from me............................. /lh#asks#nice messages
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Is it lost media or is it stuck in japan only CDs that no one has bought and ripped yet? Like was it ever put on CDs at all...? I don't know yet, but I have seen that actually, there are a Lot of BGM music CDs for keroro that I couldn't find ripped online but are being sold... @mountainfrogs
#Here is what i will say about this: i have bought the first CD for the other drama cd that no one has ripped yet and i plan to rip it.#so i am doing my part#maybe in some years when i make another japan purchase i will look more into the bgm music CDs to get some. the problem is that#the eng wiki for keroro stuff is actually genuinely barebones#like i have no idea where to get information for what exists out there lol#ive also gotten one issue of that samurai story. and one 4koma issue. i plan to scan them in due time#if they get to me safely...#i couldnt get more bc it costs damn money. you know how much the full drama cd set was? 50 euro. no way#but idk maybe these songs they just never ripped at all because theyre not on Spotify either. i truly don't know at this time#there were no keroroland issues at good prices or i wouldve gotten some. my bad
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listen we all know about praise kink mac but i also think praise kink dennis. and i also think that if mac told him hes doing well in a completely sweet and earnest and painfully loving way dens brain would make the window emergency shutdown noise and smoke would start coming out of his ears
#me woobifying? in my house? yes!!#like sorry but he wants to be told hes doing good so bad. he needs it in a different way from mac wheres hes grown addicted to it#but like in a twisted way. i think being cringe and genuine gets to him more than anything else like with the rpg#i will die on this hill and u can not agree thats fine but i think that dennis can say the most unhinged stuff about being sculpted like#michaelangelo or whatever that twinks name was and if mac gushes too much it feels fake and annoying to him but mac just said ur pretty#being completely genuine about it i think that would crack den like an egg. idk#he has the other side of the coin of dees issue where she wants praise so badly she begs for it#sorry for rambling but also its my blog so i should be allowed to ramble actually
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