#but there always has to be an explanation for what I'm doing or thinking
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I understand what you're trying to do but in my experience it doesn't work
I've debunked literally hundreds of insane, factually & scientifically wrong crap a friend has been sending me off social media since the FIRST orange asshole campaign
It has not made a difference & I recently realized why (aside from, y'know, tens of thousands of Chinese & Russian social media bots gaming algorithms to inject false narratives into the mainstream to influence elections & democracy in multiple countries...)
It's because facts do not matter to him anymore
This is a belief system very much like religion - it might as well be religion
It is impervious to facts & science
Yet this is someone who I once considered highly intelligent & I still cannot understand how he's fallen for all of this except that, deep down, he must have either a hollow core, or a core of hate, that wants everyone else in the world to be as secretly miserable as he is (which I only know because I've known him for decades - since high school - casual observers would never say "this guy is miserable & self-loathing")
Objectively, on paper, he is intelligent or at least was intelligent & high scoring enough to get into Ivy League universities when we were graduating high school (he did not go to any tho; neither of us could afford such universities; we went to the state university that would take literally anyone, at the time, & from which you had to work at getting kicked out)
This was formerly a pro-choice, pro-porn, pro-drug guy who has drunk the Kool-aid - he's still pro-porn & pro-drug but suddenly in the past 2 years, as "throw it back to the states" became the propaganda on X (his favorite social media, ugh), he started saying it should be thrown back to the states
This from a guy who used to say - in his 20s, 30s, 40s - that abortion should be available on demand at drive thrus (which was hyperbole ofc; obvs you can't get one at an actual drive thru; it was the concept of fast & easy access he was championing)
As these right wing evangelical positions have trended on X, they have come up in his speech the past couple of years (really the past decade, but it accelerated like the speed of light once he moved from FB to the post-Musk Twitter/X)
Because I've known him for so long, I've been able to say, "Huh, you never used to say/believe that over the last 40 years... Why the change, & why now?"
& even that does not get him to realize his opinions are being deliberately shaped by propaganda
He will deny it or say "well I always kind of thought that way" & when I say "dude, you've never been shy of sharing your opinions, whether people wanted to hear them or not, especially if not! so why haven't you mentioned this change of opinion until after X became your main source of 'news'?"
That gets evasions & subject changes because the idea that he didn't come up with these ideas on his own is unacceptable
He will share literally fake news from X & when I ask, "OK, I get that you don't trust mainstream media, with good reason; or the government, with good reason; or the medical/scientific establishment, not without good reason; but you'll just believe anything some clown you don't know on the Internet - who could be anywhere in the world despite his "US Navy Vet" trucker hat - says, without question?"
& his response is always subject changes & attacks on mainstream media/government/politicians/parties but never an answer to the actual question because there is no rational explanation & he knows it
& if I call him on the subject changes, he just ratchets up the subject changes & attack rhetoric as if I'm one of those easily offended wilting liberal flowers he can steamroll, which I'm not & never have been, so it's interesting (if sad) that he thinks what works on other people will work on me
Or maybe he just doubles down because there IS no rational explanation, idk
This is seriously depressing me because this guy was my BFF for like the first 30 of our 40 year friendship - my older sisters would call him "our adopted little brother" - & I don't recognize him anymore
The only reason I continue to talk to him, really, is my oldest sister, who passed away a year ago in February, & was a big activist & organizer/coordinator of various (large) protests here, said "don't give up on him, don't fight or argue - just keep listening & questioning" because "he's a good egg"
& honestly he is, underneath all the sourball curmudgeon thorny exterior - the man has never not been there when I needed him & lots & lots of times when I didn't, just for fun
But this is becoming exhausting & I'm stressed out from not literally screaming "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? WHERE IS MY FRIEND, YOU CRAZY POD PERSON WHO TOOK HIS PLACE??"
I'm sorry - I'm just venting, I guess
But please tell me how someone can maintain the cognitive dissonance of a high index of suspicion for the mainstream media, the government, & medicine/science, but not some Joe Blow clown on the Internet - as if somehow that guy (who's probably actually a Chinese or Russian bot) is telling the gospel truth & has a hidden mainline to the secrets of the universe
Because I can't understand it
I can understand it in people who've not had the privilege of university education (my friend has)
or international travel (my friend has, multiple times, with me & others)
or who never left the neighborhood or town where they grew up (my friend did as soon as he could)
I cannot understand it in my formerly skeptical & always shrewd friend
I honestly do not get it đ
So many people do not understand the relationship between climate change and cold weather.
164K notes
·
View notes
Text
Tips and FAQ for Asks
Hello beautiful humans, I want to do my best to get to everyone's asks so here are a few things you can do to help make that happen! (if you're looking for the cast stream master list, skip to the bottom)
Please don't spam the same question repeatedly. I will get to you eventually, I promise! But when you submit the exact same thing multiple times, it just slows me down. I've got one single brain cell, please have mercy.
No spoiler requests. I cannot tell you anything about future episodes, when they will come out, what will happen to certain characters, how the story ends etc. We're limited on what we can say in general until more episodes release. The entire cast has signed NDAs (non disclosure agreement) preventing us from revealing anything, but more than that, we wouldn't want to ruin your experience of watching and engaging with the show organically! Trust me, just enjoy the ride, it's better that way.
Don't take anything too seriously. Please keep in mind most of these answers will just be for fun. My thoughts and opinions on the character, both for silly things like favorite dessert and more serious things like character analysis, are not hard and fast canon. Same goes for any of the actors. We can speculate about our characters, we know and understand them well, but when in doubt, assume its allllllllllllll non-canonical haha
Read through previous asks. This will help prevent asking things I've already answered. I'm going to be tagging (i swear I'll do it fr) my answers with #amanda asks and #tadc asks so you can find them more easily. If you do ask a question I've already answered IT'S OK DON'T PANIC I won't be upset haha
Even though I'll be tagging my answers so you can easily find them, here are a few frequently asked questions just to get them out of the way. If you decide to ask me something I've already answered, or something that goes against the guidelines above, I'll probably skip it, you silly geese.
Q: I've seen people use several different pronouns for you, what are your preferred pronouns? A: They/them and I prefer masc leaning terms generally! I'm queer, NB and very open about my identity. But people will sometimes use she/her because they don't know. I will never get upset with someone for not knowing- it's ok. But now that you've read this, you know! So you can go forth educated. You're welcome to correct anyone who doesn't know, but please be kind to each other. We've all been the person who didn't know before.
Q: What do you think of X ship? A: I love and support all the ships! Ships are part of a healthy fandom, keep creating content that makes you feel seen and that YOU want to see, that's the foundation of creativity. And if anyone disagrees with you, remind them that a lot of classics are just fanfiction about the gods at the time. It's always been here.
Q: What is your favorite ship? A: Bunnydoll and Buttonblossom, because the dynamics are so much fun.
Q: Do you like X AU? A: Yes. It doesn't matter what it is, yes. I love the AUs and if it's a new one, you better include a link so I can find it. I want all of them, thank you so muuuuuuuuch~
Q: Have you seen or played X game/show/movie/meme etc.? A: Always happy to chat about other media! But if you wanna ask about something specific, please include a link or explanation because lets be just so very honest, half the time my brain is off in adhd land so there's a good chance I'll have no idea what you're talking about at first.
Q: Have you watched Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure? A: Not yet! But due to VERY POPULAR REQUEST I will be putting together a watch stream to watch it live with yall. Once that's happened, I'll put the link here.
Q: Have you seen Queen's second game and will you be playing it? A: Yes, we've all seen the trailer and we're very excited! We will be playing it as a full cast, just like last time, as soon as the game is finished. For now, please go enjoy the demo and support the team! Once it's out and we're ready to stream it, I'll post the link here.
Q: Can you come to X convention? A: I will come to any convention that yall want to see me at!
BUT
In order for that to happen, you have to request me directly with the convention. Most will have either a request form on their site or a specific email for requests. Just write in that you would like to see me at their event, and then they will get in touch with my agent to book me!
Q: Can I request a song for you to sing? A: Of course! I promise yall I'll do my best to put out more songs this year. If there's a cover you want me to consider doing, or an artist/composer you'd like to hear me work with, let me know!
Outside of that, if you just want a little clip, you can drop requests in the asks and if I know the song I might record a bit. This is COMPLETELY dependent on time, especially if I'm busy. Please understand â€ïž
You can also make requests during stream signings, which is easier to accommodate in the moment. Just put the request in the order notes, and I'll sing a little bit for you while I sign IF I know the song. So choose wisely.
Q: Can I write an ask just to show you cool stuff or tell you you're awesome? A: Of course you can! You can also tag me in stuff, that's ok too. I appreciate all the love and support yall have shown for me, Ragatha and the show in general. Yall are truly incredible. â€ïž
Q: Do you have a PO Box so we can send you stuff? A: I'm setting it up THIS WEEK. I will post it here when it's ready.
Q: Where can I find X stream that the cast did? A: Moving forward, I will keep a master list of our group streams in order of date aired, to the best of my ability. If I miss one, let me know and I'll get it on here!
Saberspark TADC Cast Interview
Streamily Signing #1 (Amanda, Michael, Alex, Marissa)
Streamily Signing #2 (Amanda and Michael)
Streamily Signing #3 (Amanda and Sean)
Streamily Signing #4 (Amanda, Sean, Alex, Michael, Marissa, Vera, Hamish)
TADC Fan Game Stream: Game 1
Streamily Signing #5 (Amanda, Alex, Ashley, Sean, Michael, Marissa, Vera, Hamish, Wiz)
Fast Food Simulator Charity Stream (Amanda, Lizzie, Marissa, Michael, Ashley)
#amanda asks#tadc asks#tadc cast stream master list#tadc cast stream#tadc cast#tadc#ragatha#amazing digital circus#the amazing digital circus#q and a#faq
110 notes
·
View notes
Text
In Another Universe
#14. The Beginning of the END
Synopsis â When you are just another iteration of Park Jiminâs girlfriend in a different universe.
Park Jimin Ă Reader
Genre â parallel universe / kind of fantasy/ strangers to ??/ SMUT/ maybe romance/ angst/ fluff /Infidelity
Warnings- Language/ Angst / INFIDELITY /SMUT- Making out/ Oral (F. and M. recieving) (Rough and soft)/ Dirty Talk/ Grinding/ Sex against a window/ Jealousy Fucks/ Mastrubating (F.)/ Rough sex / Unporected sex/ Pussy slpas/ Cumming inside/ Impregnation Kink!!!!!/ Safe words/ Edging/ Multiple orgasms (F.)/Overstimulation/ Spit play/ Jimin is jealous af/ Jimin is rough
Word count- 23K (I'm sorry. So so so sorry)
a/n- Some anonnie asked me how many more chapters there on the series and unfortunately I lost the ask. So, anon if you're seeing this, it's probably 20 plus the epilogue. We are slowly nearing the end now. I'm sad... (Anyway... like always thank you for reading babies, luv u â€ïž)
Taglist?
Chapter Index
Previous - Next
You walk through the busy sidewalk in silence. Your arm is hooked with Keyâs. Sheâs been rambling about something that doesnât quite reach your ears. Youâre not paying attention to whatever sheâs saying at all. Instead, your mind is racing with your latest discovery. Itâs absurd how long it took you to realize something that has been happening for so long. It doesnât make it less scary, however.Â
Itâs scary. Falling for Park Jimin. Scary as hell. For so many reasons. Heâs in a relationship. Heâs from a different world. Youâve not meant to be together at all. And above everything, he probably doesnât like you at all.
And your greed, little thing, is about to consume you whole!
Yes, thatâs exactly whatâs about to happen now. Youâve been too greedy for something you couldnât have and now youâre stuck in this no win situation. What are you ever going to do? A frustrated groan strangles in your throat. You need someoneâs advice on this. Someone who isnât Jungkook. Because Jungkook has been giving you the cold shoulder ever since the day at the restaurant. Since the moment you returned to the kitchen after talking with Jimin. You donât know whatâs wrong but it just adds more and more frustration to your stressed out mind.Â
Itâs been more than a week since your talk with Jimin. He has promised you that heâll explain everything to you. Yet until this very moment, he hasnât brought up the topic at all. Frustrating. Youâre getting mad at him. Not that you met him, true. Itâs just text messages. Nothing crazy. Just mundane things. Asking about how each otherâs days went or just gentle reminders to drink water. Yet he hasnât asked to meet you or anything.
You feel neglected. Feel as if he has given you a fake promise. As if he has tricked you into something while bribing you with candy. It certainly feels like heâs avoiding talking about it on purpose. Then there is the fact that you like him. You no longer can deny it. And it hurts even more to think Jimin might not hold on to his promises. See, everything frustrates you. Hurts you. To add in to everything, thereâs a teeny tiny part of you that is mad at him because he hasnât made any efforts to at least meet you. Not just to hear his explanation. But to see him. Just see him. You miss him.Â
Now since you donât work at RUN, you donât get to see him every other day. Another reason to be frustrated. Then thereâs Jimin. Just going on with his life. Considering how desperately he seeked an opportunity to talk with you, this clearly looks odd to you. That leaves you with one conclusion. Heâs purposefully avoiding you just to avoid the talk. Despite his words he doesnât wish to actually tell you the truth. Right? That has to be it. Or you think so. Maybe thatâs not the case at all. Maybe heâs just busy.Â
You feel an overwhelming urge to pull from your hair. This is why you need someone elseâs opinion. It would have been so nice if you could have talked about this with Jungkook. Someone who knows everything about you, inside out. Unfortunately, heâs going through PMS. Heâs not available. And the only other option is your best friend. But she doesnât know everything about you. Doesnât know about your bitchy side to be specific. Maybe itâs time you should tell her. Sheâd call you out. Yell at you. Maybe even hit you. Yet in the end, sheâs just like Jungkook. Will never leave your side. And in the end, you can have that advice you seek.Â
You eye your best friend nervously. Without you realizing she has stopped rumbling. Her eyes are fixed ahead. Looks like sheâs lost in her own thoughts as well.Â
Should you tell her?
Wouldnât you be able to solve everything on your own? But then, you know that this problem isnât going to solve that easily. Sooner or later you would want her help yet again. And when that moment comes, sheâd be more furious to know that youâd hidden something from her.Â
You should tell her.
You stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk. Pulling Key into a stop with you. She frowns at you for a minute before her expression turns into something unreadable. If you didnât know better, youâd say she looks almost nervous. She doesnât have a reason to be nervous. Youâre the one whoâs nervous here. You drag in a deep breath to build the courage you need for this.Â
âI have to tell you something.â You both blurt out at the same time.Â
Oh.
You shut your mouth. It takes you a split second to register that she needs to tell you something as well. âYou go ahead first.â You gesture at her, feeling a bit relieved that you can bide your time for a bit. Key shakes her head, however. âNo,no, itâs fine, you can go ahead first.â She chuckles nervously. You give her a look. What is this? Why are you two acting like these polite strangers? It makes you feel weird. It seems like Key thinks so too. She heaves a heavy sigh.Â
âOkay, fuck.â Mumbles. Looks briefly at you before averting her eyes to the road. Now itâs your time to frown. Whyâs she so nervous?
âWhat is it?â You ask hesitantly. Another sigh from Key. A chuckle and youâre getting antsy.Â
âItâs nothing reallyâŠuh.. I donât know how to tell you this but-â
âOh my god, what the fuck Key? What is it?â You almost yell. A passerby throws you an odd look. You bow to him slightly in apology.Â
âOkay, okay, no need to fucking yell,â Key pouts. You wait patiently till she continues. âItâs about Chan actually, he uh.. He- the other day, actually he-â You narrow your eyes as Key starts to stutter horribly. You think youâre getting a hunch as to where this is going. Of course, you know. Corners of your mouth start to twitch, struggling to perform a smile. You find Key to be adorable right now.Â
âHe asked you out, didn't he?â You save her from the trouble. She immediately closes her mouth. Eyes wide and gaping at you like youâve told the most unbelievable shit in the world. A throaty laugh escapes you. âWhat?â You question while raising one of your eyebrows.Â
âH-how do you kn-know that?â She whispers. And your smile drops. Replace with guilt. You knew all along but you never told her because you were selfish. You nibble on your bottom lip for a minute before finding your words. Â
âHe told me.â You admit. Feeling bitter. Key gasps.
âWhen?â Her eyes widened even more. You shrug, trying to act as if this is nothing. âEhâŠ. the day I confessed- I mean the day I tried to do soăŒâ Your sentence got interrupted when Key suddenly stepped forward. Grabs your shoulders.
âOh, Iâm so sorry.â You watch as something akin to guilt slash across her wide eyes. âIâm so sorry.â She shakes her head. Oh, you hate this. Key doesnât have to feel guilty. She has done nothing wrong. You shrug her hands off you.
âItâs nothing Key. I mean I was hurt back then but Iâm fine now. Iâm way over it.â You wave a dismissive hand in front of your face. Change the topic as you opt into an excited mood. âSo, tell me? What did you tell him?â You smile giddily. Key, however, doesnât share your enthusiasm. She gasps again. Scandalous. Now looks at you like youâve grown two heads.
âOf course, I said no woman. I wonât do that to you.â She scoffs in disbelief. âHow could I? I mean why would you ever think that I would do something like that to you.â Key appears as if youâve betrayed her. You sigh exasperatedly.Â
âYah!!â Give her a serious look. âIâm seriously over it dude, Iâm telling you. Trust me I donât have an ounce of feelings toward him now.â And youâre telling the truth. A you from a few months ago would have bleed right at the spot to hear what Key just told you. But now, you donât feel anything except the giddy feeling of knowing the dirty deets of your best friend's life. It has a lot to do with your new life. Youâre no longer pinning over your boss. No. Instead now youâre pinning over a rich CEO, who has a far better girlfriend than you. If Chanâs situation hurts you, this is about to kill you. But besides Jimin, you think youâve developed a teeny bit. You can understand that Chan doesnât like you. And that did hurt but now youâre fine.Â
âHow come?â Key scowls deeply. âYour feelings just evaporated. Just like that?â Throws a skeptical glance at you. Maybe this is your time to tell her your secret. But something she said suddenly piques your interest.
âYes it did, but wait-â You tilt your head to the sight. Feel amused. âDid you say that, you said no to him because of me? Not because you donât like him?â Youâre not asking out of spite. Just genuinely curious. And the prospect she actually likes Chan makes you happy. Not bitter. Key pales.Â
âI mean yeah, that also. I donâ-â
âKey.â
âYes.â
âHey,â Itâs your time to grab her shoulders. She avoids your eyes as she turns her head down. âDo you like him?â You ask softly. No answer. âListen, I know he really likes you. And if you really like him-â You tilt your head to look at her eyes. Fail. âif you really like him-â So, you continue. âYou should give it a chance.â You finish when she finally looks at you. Already shaking her head.Â
âNo. Fuck no. I will never ever do that to you. What kind of friend-â
âI like someone else.â You blurt out. Interrupting her ramble. It works. Key shuts her mouth as if youâve just slapped her.Â
âHuh?â
âI like someone else, Key. I donât like Chan anymore.â Just like that the entire conversation takes a 180- degree. Youâre not the one whoâs asking questions anymore. Youâre being interrogated in the middle of a sidewalk. Key bombards you with so many questions at once that you barely catch a single one of them. She starts from âwhoâ and ends with cursing you for not letting her know earlier. You on the other hand donât answer any of her questions. She doesnât let you. âWill you calm down?â You mutter lastly. Key hisses at you.
âNo.. I will not calm down. Not until you tell me who this mystery man is.â
âWell, that's what I'm trying to do but youâre not letting me.â You complain.Â
âOkay, so, tell me who he is? Do I know him? Is he from the communication class? Is he from our college or did you meet him online?â Key looks genuinely excited. Just like how you looked a minute ago. You feel a pang in your chest. Sheâs not going to like what youâre about to tell her. You shake your head. âNo?â She asks. Takes a minute. Her face falls as you watch the realization hit her. âHeâs not from here.â It sounds like a statement not a question. Yet you nod anyway. Key curses aloud. âDude. Fucking hell! Thatâs not good.â States the obvious. âYou only have a year, man. How are you⊠oh, god- who is he? Jungkook? It makes sense that youâd fall for him. You live together. To be honest I was afraid of something like this ha-â
âItâs not Jungkook.â You interrupt her yet again. A silence falls between you two. Key doesnât ask you who he is again. But you just casually reach for your bag. Fumble inside for a second before finding what you want. Your fingers tightly wrap around the picture as you hold it for Key. The polaroid you manage to get from Jimin the day of your little- not a date. It took you great effort. Lots of convincing. But you won in the end. Thatâs how you now hold the one where youâre frowning at Jimin when heâs just looking at you. Not just looking at you. No. You chose the specific photo just because of the way heâs looking at you. He looks at you like youâre his entire world. Like youâre his entire universe. Like he hasnât seen something more beautiful before. Like heâs so whipped for you. Trapped with you and he doesnât want to be freed.Â
Of course, that canât be the truth now. Itâs just your stupid heart making things up.Â
Key takes the polaroid from you. Slowly. Scans her eyes over the image. A beat passes.Â
âHoly fuck! This is fucking worse.â Mumbles ever so slowly.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
Key wasn't helpful in giving you advice. Like you wanted her to be. Or maybe she was but simply didnât say what you wanted to hear. What you wanted to hear was that you need to wait until Jimin reaches you. You wanted to hear that Jimin is just busy and not purposely avoiding you or anything. But what you heard was the complete opposite. She said that Jimin is an asshole, which is nothing new. And how you have to immediately get rid of your feelings. No matter what. Your attempt at reasoning with her didnât work at all. Thatâs how you find yourself in the same situation the next day. Sitting at Jungkookâs couch. Heâs getting ready to leave for classes. Is giving you the same silent treatment like always. Itâs raining heavily outside but the gloom inside his apartment has nothing to do with that.Â
Youâve tried several times to ask Jungkook whatâs wrong but heâs been avoiding that successfully. He would just click his tongue. Would walk away. Would shrug or say simply ânothingâ. Now, itâs getting unbearable. You feel suffocated. And you miss your Jungkook. The one whoâs always positive. Joke around. Being clingy and annoying to you. You sigh desperately when he walks past you for the tenth time without even sparing you a second glance. Heâs being stupid, really. Itâs not like youâve done anything to upset him. He needs to grow up and learn how to talk. If heâs not going to do that on his own, then you should.
âKook.â You call him out just as heâs about to enter his room. He halts. Doesnât turn around, however. You get to your feet. Take a couple steps forward. Wait for a second to see if heâd turn around. He still doesnât. So, you decide to ask what you wanted to ask. âOkay, whatâs happening? Why the hell are you ignoring me? What the fuck did I do?â You blurt out all the questions you wanted to ask from him. This time he just turns partially to look at you. You wait with a bated breath until he answers when he just shakes his head. Disappointment washes over you.Â
âItâs nothing.â Jungkook mutters. Almost disappears inside his room when you shout at him.Â
âItâs clearly not nothing!â You take another step. Jungkook stops again.Â
âI told you itâs nothing. Really.â He says again. This time with a stern edge in his voice. As if heâs warning you to let it go. Well, the hell you would do that. This pisses you off.Â
âSomethingâs been up with you for weeks Kook. Are you gonna keep that up? If you have a problem with me, you need to let me know.â You feel your frustration slowly turn into anger. Youâve been on the edge already. âCâmon, Jungkook, donât fucking act like a stubborn mule and talk to me for fucks sake. Whatâs your problem?â You clearly expect him to not answer your question and walk away. Hence your surprise when he suddenly turns around like a flash. Even a surprised gasp leaves your mouth when he storms toward you. Closes the distance between you completely.Â
âYou want me to talk?â Questions. His jaw slack. You gulp harshly, clearly not expecting the sudden outburst. Still, you stay rooted in your place. Returning the glare heâs shooting at you. You hate fighting. You especially hate fighting with Jungkook. Itâs not normal. But you need to know what the hell is going on inside his head. So, you give him a firm nod.Â
âYes, Jungkook. If you have a problem with me or anything else, you need to talk that shit out. Maybe I can help you.â You grumble. Jungkook lets out a bitter chuckle.
âProblem.â He mutters to himself. âYou wanna know what my problem is?â Asks from you this time. You nod again. Glad that heâs finally about to talk. Yet what he says next leaves you even more confused. âYou.â Jungkook shouts so loud that you visibly wince before a deep scowl adorns your face. You gape at him. Not understanding what he just said.Â
You?
Youâre his problem?
How and why? You open your mouth stupidly like a fish. Wanting to ask him what he meant but no words leave you. Too stunned to speak. Jungkook doesnât wait for you to process that though. âYou are my problem Noona.â He brings his face closer to you. âThere you go. Now you know what my problem is. Happy?â Taunts. You feel an ache in your chest. Nothing too harsh. Not yet at least. Youâre in too much of a shock to process it and feel pained.Â
âJ-Jungkook.â You finally manage to call him weakly. âWh-what are you-â
âYou wanted to know. So, I told you. You. Are. My. Problem.â Jungkook repeats through clenched teeth. And that ache finally deepens. Your shock subsiding and a deep pain replacing it. As if Jungkook has just stabbed you right across your chest. Of course, it hurts. Jungkook is someone who you have grown to adore. Heâs basically a part of your life. It hurts like a bitch when he treats you like this. Especially when you have no idea whatâs the reason.Â
âWhy? What did I do?â You question meekly. Your voice is barely audible. Jungkookâs hard face softens at that immediately. He sighs heavily.Â
âGosh Noona, just fucking-â Groans. âYouâre my problem because youâre a fucking idiot who keeps falling into Park fucking Jiminâs trap. Youâre my problem because I no longer know how to protect you.â He doesnât yell anymore. Voice soft and visibly pained.
Your frown deepens at his words. Your confusion easing as your anger gets back to you again. Thatâs his reason. Well, you never asked him to protect you. You're a grown woman who can manage things yourself. You know Jungkook cares deeply but this is just too much.
âWell, then donât try to protect me.âÂ
âThatâs the exact fucking problem here.â He raises his voice again. â I donât know how not to. I donât know a way to sit back and watch you fuck up. All because of what? Why the hell canât you just ask him to fuck off? Why on the earth would you always let him play with your life?âÂ
Well, a few weeks ago, you wouldâve wondered as to why youâre doing it as well. Now though, you know the answer. But youâre not sure whether you should tell Jungkook that now. You try to come up with an answer when Jungkook doesnât let you.Â
âWhy are you doing it,Noona? When he always fucks up. He left you alone for Godâs sake. He let you get slapped in front of a fucking club. He followed his girlfriend and left you to manage your own shit and after all those things, you just let him fuck with you even more. I was the one who saw you crying like it was the end of the damn world. If that one time hurts like that, then do you have any idea how much it would hurt in the future.â Jungkook looks you dead in the eye. Everything he says is true. But you canât help it. You just canât. You feel your eyes prick with unshed tears. Your chin is starting to wobble. âJimin is a fucking douchebag who doesnât deserve a second in your life and you know that too. He treats you as a piece of trash and you let him in when he just follows you around and simply says sorry?âÂ
âWell, I canât fucking help it.â You allow those unshed tears to roll down. Jungkookâs words cut you through like a sharp blade. Jimin doesnât treat you like that. When youâre together Jimin treats you like youâre his sun and moon. But to others, youâre certain this is how your relationship must look like. Youâre the piece of meat he uses and tosses away. And it hurts. You donât want Jungkook pointing it out to you among everyone. Not him. He promised to be on your side no matter what.Â
âWhy the fuck not?â Jungkookâs loud voice booms across his living room. You almost take a step back before you catch yourself. Emotions overwhelm you so much that you canât help but crack.Â
âBecause I like him!â You match his voice in sound. âI like him so damn much that I canât help it.â A loud sob breaks through your throat. And thatâs the only sound that fills the air as everything else falls into a deafening silence. Jungkook exhales a shaky breath. Takes a step back. You watch as a visible tremble goes through his entire body. You donât know why he appears more hurt than surprised. His entire face turning dull. A stretched minute passes just like that. Jungkook is just gaping at you and you are just waiting for him to tell you something. Anything. But itâs just his pained eyes peering at you. Until he breaks it.Â
âOkay. Fine⊠Thought you said it was just physical.â He mumbles.Â
âWell, it was at f-â
âI donât care, Li.â
What?
Jungkook turns around. You jump into action as you grab his arm. âJ-Jungkook, where are you-â He yanks his arm away from your hold.
âJust let me be alone, will you please? I just donât want to talk with you.â
Thatâs all he says before he disappears inside the bedroom. Door closing loudly behind him. You blankly stare at the now closed door. Not understanding why heâs so mad. But it doesnât make it less hurt. It hurts so much.
Fuck your life.
You turn around as you wipe the tears away roughly using your hoodie sleeve.Â
If he needs to be alone, then youâll respect it.Â
You simply walk toward the front door, not knowing what you should do.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Jungkook thinks heâs about to explode. The urge to break something is overwhelming. If he could just beat someone into a pulp that would help maybe. No, not anyone but that certain someone with blonde hair and a killer smile. The motherfucking oh so great CEO of RUN. Does Jungkook give a fuck about who Jimin is? Not at all. Not a single fuck. If he could find him right now, heâd make sure that Park Jimin never smiles that way again. Thatâs how much anger is brewing inside Jungkook. So much that his head pounds. Your words echoing inside his skull.
Because I like him!
I like him so damn much that I canât help it.
A loud groan leaves Jungkookâs throat as he grabs the coffee mug on his table. Itâs unfortunate how the mug has to pay the price when Jungkook hurls it across the room. But he needs to break something. He needs a way to release his pent up frustration. It feels satisfactory when the mug shatters into tiny pieces when it hits the wall. Only for a split second though. Itâs clearly not enough. He can destroy this entire room if he wants to. Maybe then heâd feel satisfied. Or not. Either way Mrs. Kim wonât be happy to see the damage. Jungkook rubs his face frustratingly before dropping into his desk chair.Â
He just needs to relax.
Deep breaths maybe.Â
And fuck, breathing hurts. His chest hurts. He knows itâs not physical. But it certainly does feel physical. The squeeze in his heart. He absolutely doesn't want his anger to morph into pain. No. But thatâs what is happening. It hurts so much. So damn much his sight is getting blurry with tears. Thereâs a lump forming in his throat.Â
âFuck!â Jungkook curses aloud. His cheap desk lamp faces the same fate as his mug when he sweeps it off the table.Â
He canât cry.
He doesn't want to cry.
Why does it even hurt this way? Itâs fucking ridiculous. Itâs not like you and he have been in love or something. Itâs just a stupid crush. And maybe, just maybe he knew this was coming all along. That you were starting to fall for that motherfucker. Of course, he knew. He saw that happen but he just decided to ignore it. Turn a blind eye just because he was too selfish to let go. He chose to believe your words for it. When you said you donât like Jimin, Jungkook decided to just hang onto that hope. Who was he kidding? You were always too worried. Too heart broken. Too invested. Signs were always there. But he didnât want to acknowledge them.Â
Even now, when you had admitted it with your own mouth, Jungkook doesnât want to believe it. To him it feels like Jimin has lured you into that. Like itâs not your fault but entirely Jiminâs. Jimin does not fucking deserve you. He puts you through so much pain probably because youâre a good fuck to him. Hell, Jimin probably doesn't like you. It pains Jungkook to think how you still want Jimin.Â
Why the fuck does it have to be like this? Why canât it be easy?Â
Jungkook curls his fists into tight balls as the squeeze in his heart intensifies.Â
This is the most pain heâs been in after his so- called ex broke up with him to follow her dreams. This is exactly why J and Namjoon were worried. Jungkook always gets too attached. Too smitten. And he always ends up being heart broken. Just like this. Whatâs most pathetic is how he never even had a chance. You donât even know whatâs happening. You must be so damn confused why he is so rude to you. You donât know that heâs not just being a good friend.Â
He cares about you. Of course, he does. He doesnât want to see you hurt and crying. It hurts him too. But also, he wants you to want him too. How much of a beautiful dream it would be. But itâs too late now isnât it?Â
Funny, how he thought heâd actually have a chance. How he had thought youâd actually end things with Jimin. Oh, how he wanted to kill Jimin that day at the restaurant. He knew you had given yourself to Jimin yet again, the moment you came back inside the kitchen. Can you blame him for being mad? Ignoring you because it had hurt him? Waiting just to see if youâd put effort for him? You did, yes. But at what cost, though? Look at him now.Â
Jungkook takes a deep breath. Blinking back the tears. Thereâs no reason to cry. Itâs just a silly crush and itâd go away. He just liked you and you donât like him in return. Thatâs how sometimes the world works and he needs to accept it. Now since youâve told him yourself that you like Jimin, he should let you go. Maybe heâll learn not to care too much and everything will be fine. He can be the friend you want him to be. Right?
Yes, of course. Everythingâs going to be fine.
Jungkook averts his gaze to the window by the table. He has his curtains pulled aside but thereâs no light coming through them. Outside is too gloomy. Harsh rain drops are beating against his window. Rain has swelled into a deafening cascade.Â
Wait!
Jungkook perks up suddenly in alert. Glancing back at his closed bedroom door. He sure did hear the front door opening and closing. A warning alarm starts to ring inside his head. You left the apartment for sure. But where did you go? Itâs fucking down pouring. Did you go to the restaurant? If you did then thatâs fine but what if you- stupid stubborn brat- have gone outside. Jungkook stands up abruptly. Worry etching into his whole body.Â
So much for learning how not to care too much. Will he ever be able to learn that?Â
Will he?
Jungkook takes a minute. A minute to think you are in danger. Hurt. Physically or mentally. A shiver runs down his spine at the prospect. Your pained face flashes across his mind. The way you had looked at him when he called you Li. The way you called after him and your vain attempt to stop him. The hurt in your eyes. Fuck! He hurt you. And above all the fucked up emotions heâs feeling, guilt roars.Â
He hurt you.Â
Jungkook stumbles toward the door in a rush. Not even knowing where heâs going as he storms out of the apartment.Â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
A breath of relief escapes Jungkookâs lips just as he enters the back alley of Kim's restaurant and his eyes fall upon your curled figure on an empty beer crate. A cigarette between your fingers as you exhale a slow drag. The heavy rain pelting the asphalt roads sends tiny splashes around, wetting your small figure. Jungkook clenches his jaw out of frustration. It had taken him a good ten minutes to find you. Mrs. Kim was the one who finally pointed him in the right direction. And youâve been here this whole time getting drenched like an idiot?
âAre you a fucking idiot?â Jungkook walks toward you with furrowed brows. You jerk as you turn your head toward him. Thatâs when he catches the redness in your eyes. Puffy. His heart aches painfully. Heâs the one who made you cry. Not Jimin. Heâs just like Jimin, after all. Hurting you. Jungkook hides his pain behind the mask of annoyance as he grabs another empty crate and turns it upside down. âCanât you see itâs fucking raining? What the hell are you doing here dressed like that and-â He rakes his eyes over your figure. Youâve not even wearing any shoes for fucks sake. â- God, itâs cold Noona, youâll get sick.â Sits on the crate. Examining your features. You say nothing. Just look away. Nor do you protest when Jungkook steals your cigarette. âYah!â So, Jungkook has to make you look at him. He does it by grabbing your chin. You still donât say anything but just gaping at him. Then you push his hand away.Â
âThought you wanted to be alone.â Finally speak. Eyes back on the road.Â
âYes, and I changed my mind.â Jungkook takes a drag from the cigarette before he throws it to a puddle near him.Â
âYah!â Your whiny protest is drowned out by a loud thunder. âThatâs the last one I had.â Yet you continue to complain.
âItâs okay. I have a pack with me. Letâs go inside, hm?â He eyes you apologetically. You pout adorably. Donât answer his question, however.Â
âWhy did you change your mind?â You ask instead.Â
âYou know why Noona. Because I care too fucking much.â A silence falls. Stretches.
âI really donât want you to care, Jungkook.â
âWell, I already told you once that itâs not up to you to decide. Itâs up to me.â
âThen donât fucking get mad at me because I donât know what to do either. I canât fucking-â
âHelp it. Yes, I know.â Jungkook completes for you. Not because he doesnât want to listen to you. But because he knows. He knows you canât help it. Just like he canât help it either. You turn your glassy eyes toward him. Youâre about to cry again. Youâre hurting. Jungkook feels his feigned annoyance evaporate into thin air. He throws his arm around you. Drags you into his side. You snuggle against him immediately. âI know you canât, baby. Iâm so sorry. I shouldnât have-â Jungkook has to swallow hard to get rid of the lump in his throat. â- yelled at you. Itâs not your fault. Iâm sorry.âÂ
âI really donât want to fight with you Kookie. Donât want you to be mad at me. Donât want to lose you either. Youâre so precious to me.â You mumble against his chest. He tightens his grip on you.Â
âI know, Noona.â He presses a gentle kiss in your hair. He knows exactly how you use the word precious. Youâre just telling him how important he is to you as a friend. A fucking friend. Only if you knew the truth, though. The way he wants to kiss you hard now. Hard enough that youâd forget any other manâs name but his. Itâs not fair on you really. He had lashed out on you earlier because he was so hurt to hear you say that you like someone else whoâs not him. Because he likes you. Too much. And itâs not your fault. But he canât tell you that now, can he?
He should. He should let you know what a messed up situation this is. Should let you decide what youâre going to do. Then there's his selfish part. He cares about you dearly, but at the same time he doesnât want to let you go. Even when he knows you like Jimin. Even when he knows he is just a friend to you. He doesnât want to. He still wants to keep you with him someway. Itâll hurt even more if he does that. To see you with Jimin. Still, Jungkook wants loads of moments just like now. With you. Just you and him. How selfish.Â
Jungkook places his chin on your head. Looking past you. A moment ago he was so hurt that he thought itâs really time he should let go. Until now. At this moment when he finds solace in you. Peaceful. Painful, yes but also peaceful. Fuck everything else and future heartbreaks. If Jimin can be fucking selfish, then he can too. Heâs not just going to let you go. No. Because he canât. Heâs too fucked up. Canât even imagine how itâd be to not have you in his place. Itâs already hard in the days youâre not here. So, yes. Heâs messed up everything already.
Heâs in trouble. He likes you a little too much. And heâs ready to fight. So is he ready to get hurt and pretend like heâs mad just because he cares. âIâm so sorry.â He mumbles again. âI just donât want you to get hurt.â
âI know but Jimin isnât going to hurt me. Not intentionally anyway.â You finally raise your head. Jungkook lets you reluctantly. He wants to laugh at your words. Doesnât, however. Just scoffs.Â
âWeâll see about that. I mean, Iâm on your side like I always said but,â He looks at your tear stained face. âIâm gonna break his bones one of these days. Iâm on your side, not his. Heâs still a fucking shithole and someone needs to knock some sense into him.â Looks away from you.Â
âYah! You wonât do such a thing, Jeon Jungkook.â You nudge him with your shoulder. Jungkook just looks at you with a stern face. âI mean, he does things..uh.. but he has his reasons.â You reason weakly. Oh, how Jungkook hates when you defend Jimin.Â
âYeah? Like what?â You donât answer that. âExactly what I thought.â Jungkook doesnât want to be rude to you. But canât help but pointing you at the truth either. For selfish reasons, of course. Your face falls. Oh, fuck he doesnât like to see you upset. âOkay, then I wonât break all of his bones, just one maybe.â Jungkook sighs heavily as he adds. Heâs in no mood to joke. Yet he wants to lift up yours. Wants to make you laugh. It doesnât give the desired effect, however. You scowl deeply at him. âOh c,mon,he has 206. I can totally break one and thatâs not a big deal.â He rolls his eyes. You gape at him for a minute before a laugh slips through your beautiful lips.Â
âOh my god, Jungkook. Youâre the fucking worst.â You shove him away. Playfully. And Jungkook really canât help the way his mouth stretched into a wide grin. Itâs scary how you can do that to him. Well, heâs not going to dwell on that. This is going to end very badly. But until then heâs going to be selfish and keep you. Makes you happy and be the shoulder you come to cry. Heâd not think about his own sanity. Heâs fucking crazy anyway. So fucked up.Â
Jungkook snakes an arm around your figure again. You rest your head on his shoulder. âBut seriously, Noona, Iâm so sorry for- uh- earlier-â
âYou donât have to apologize, Kookie.â
âYeah? How about Ice cream then?â
âHm, that sounds acceptable.â A soft giggle escapes you.Â
âDeal.â Jungkook mutters. âOh, and Tae wants us to hang out at his place tonight. Dinner or something. And he specifically said drinks are on him. I think he wants to pay back Namjoon since those animals just inhaled all the alcohol that day.â He quickly adds. You straighten up immediately.Â
âReally? And you want to go? I thought you donât like any of them. You looked like you wanted to kill Tae.â You blink at his face confused. To tell the truth, Jungkook doesnât like them. Because Taehyung and the rest are helping Jimin to ruin you. Helping Jimin to take you away from him. But if he thinks about it, if it wasnât for that, Jungkook would have become best buddies with Taehyung. Jungkook likes Taehyung. Or at least he did before all this. Their energy just matches. So, he thinks maybe he'd be able to look past everything. Besides, you look like you need all the distractions in the world.Â
âYes. I want to go. I mean free drinks Noona. Whoâs gonna turn that down? Not me for sure.â He gives you a smug look. You accept that excuse. âAnd if I have time, Iâll find a way to kill our host. Now-â Jungkook stands up from the crate. Holds his hand for you. You take it without questions. â-letâs just bribe you with Ice cream.â He pulls you to your feet.Â
You giggle adorably.
Jungkook thinks his heart just exploded.Â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
There were two main reasons for you to be excited about a hang-out at Taehyungâs place. Much needed distraction and a fun night was obviously the second reason. Your first and main reason for wanting to be here tonight undoubtedly was Jimin. You expected to see Jimin for the first time after weeks at Taehyungâs place. You were giddy and excited like a silly school girl about the prospect. Butterflies were swarming inside your tummy as you got ready for the night. Beautifully. Putting up extra effort to appear a little bit more sexy than you already were. You didnât even want a chance to talk with Jimin. No need of hearing any explanations. You just wanted to see him. Wanted to see the way he beams to see you back. A little boyish smile from him.Â
But now when youâre here. Sitting at Taehyungâs couch, obviously third wheeling two Jâs- Jin and J- you feel utterly stupid. Oh, so stupid. Thereâs not a sign of Park Jimin. At first you thought heâs just late. Itâs been more than two hours now, however. At this rate youâre positive that he isn't attending. How ridiculous. All the effort you put in is for nothing.Â
You throw a sneaky glance at your phone. You have texted him like five times now. No reply. Not for a single one. Oh, how you want to scream. Youâre getting restless. This puts you on edge. It makes you sad if heâs not going to be here but what makes you mad is the fact that heâs ignoring you. The night is going to be exhausting for you. At least Jungkook is enjoying himself. You look at him at the other corner of the living room. Being so enamoured about Taehyungâs little figurine collection. Despite claiming he didnât like Taehyung, he seemed to be getting along with him quite well. Is clinging to Taehyung at his hip.Â
Funny thing. Jungkook is.Â
As though he sensed your stares Jungkook turns around at the right moment. Meeting your eyes and beaming. âNoona. Have you seen this? This little shit has the entire collection of Eclipse Vanguard.â Walks toward you with a figurine that looks like a frog. A frog eating a sandwich. You throw a skeptical glance at it when Jungkook holds it for you. You donât know what that movie is. But have heard Jungkook talk about it before.Â
âIâll pretend that I didnât hear you calling me a little shit.â Taehyung grumbles as he joins you two. Both you and Jungkook ignore him.Â
âWhyâs it a frog and why is the damn frog eating a sandwich?â You inspect the figurine on your hands.Â
âThatâs the snack guardian. Thatâs why heâs eating a sandwich.â Jungkook plops next to you on the couch with a grin. You snort loudly. Guardian of what now? Open your mouth to tell him how ridiculous that sounds when Taehyung interrupts you.Â
âWait? You havenât watched Eclipse Vanguard? Howâs that even possible?â He questions in disbelief. Sits at the armchair right across from you. A glass of whiskey in his hand.Â
Oh, fuck!
You stare at his face dumbly for a second before averting your gaze to Jungkook. In hope that heâd save you from the situation. He does.
âWhy not? She doesnât like that movie.â Jungkook states, matter of factly. Even nods to prove his point. You agree with Jungkook by violently nodding.Â
âYes. I hate it.â Add just for the sake of it. Taehyung lets out a loud gasp in offense. Turns his mouth into a wide âoâ and clutches his chest. Tries to say something when Yoona butts in.Â
âReally? You hate it? I mean, as a person who loves art, I normally donât watch shitty movies but I loved the Eclipse V. Series. Not so bad.â She hands over another drink to Namjoon before sitting on his lap. Taehyung is apparently showering everyone with drinks. And everyone seems to be in a good mood. Except you, of course.Â
âNo, no. Itâs the shittiest Iâve ever seen.â J suddenly perks up. Leans forward so she can look at you over Jin. âIf you havenât seen it yet, Li, just trust me, donât watch it.âÂ
âYah! Do. Not. Fucking. Shit. Talk about my favourite movie.â Jungkook bellows as he throws a cushion at J, which Jin catches easily.
âBut it is the shittiest. I canât even understand why you guys like it.â J flips off Jungkook before turning his attention to Jin. âDonât tell me you like it too?â Questions. Jin opens his mouth awkwardly. Just to close it back and give J a sheepish smile.Â
âIf you tell you donât like it Hyung, Iâm gonna burn your entire CD collection and steal your figurines.â Hoseok mindlessly says as heâs scrolling through his phone. The guy looks surprisingly sober compared to other gatherings youâve had before. Yoongi snorts. âYou have a collection too?â Asks Jin smugly when Jin groans. Ignores Yoongi.
âIâd like to see you try stealing my collection Hobi. In case you donât know I can be pretty violent if I want to.â
Everyone breaks into stating their own opinions following that. Someone arguing why Seokjin would never be violent while someone going on about why Eclipse Vanguard is a good movie. None of it makes any sense and is not related to each other. Yet, itâs getting heated, nonetheless. Taehyung even has to sit up and guard his little figurines from J. Jungkook joins him as well. A small smile graces over your lips at the sudden chaos in the wonderland as your eyes drift to your empty wine glass. Youâve already downed flour glasses. Are getting there while already being more than tipsy. But youâre up to get drunk until your vision turns black tonight.
You get up on your feet while Jin tries to explain to an offended J, why she has an awful taste.Â
âWell, if I have a bad taste, then what does that tell about you, Mr. Kim. Seok. Jin. Youâre obviously one of my choices and are you telling me that youâre an awful one.â J tilts her head sassily as you pass her.Â
You quickly glance at Jungkook to check if he wants another drink but heâs busy creating a pillow fortress around Taehyungâs figurines. Drunk. Is already drunk. Just like Taehyung. Two men are giggling like teenage girls. You shake your head as you walk past everyone toward the kitchen. Namjoon and Yoona are in their own world while Hoseok and Yoongi are in a serious conversation. You guess the topic of that very serious conversation is about the same movie.Â
You enter the silent and empty kitchen. Youâve had pizza for dinner. Empty pizza boxes are still lying on the kitchen counter, surrounded by different liquor bottles. Seoyeon isnât going to be happy about the mess. You pick up the red wine bottle thinking that you should get this cleaned before you leave.Â
When you asked Taehyung about Seoyeonâs whereabouts he had just vaguely mumbled she had work. No one questioned anything more.Â
You fill the glass to the brim with expensive wine. Well, you want to get drunk and Taehyung is giving you free drinks. Who can complain? You sip your drink a little as you turn around to join the crowd again. Only to come into a dead halt and jump in your spot at the sudden figure just appears in front of you.Â
âHoly shit!â You curse aloud as some of the wine spills onto your black top.Â
âFuck, Iâm so sorry.â Jimin blurts out as he grabs some tissues. Walking directly toward you and starting to dab at your blouse, right away. You just peer at his face with an open mouth.Â
Oh!
Jimin.
Heâs here finally. Jimin made it.
You feel that giddy sensation inside you. Almost makes you grin wide but you catch yourself. Heâs here. But he hasnât replied to your texts and has been putting you on the edge. You click your tongue in annoyance. Snatch the tissues from Jiminâs hand, making the poor guy startle.Â
âI can do it myself.â You grumble. Start to dab away the spilled wine from your top. Trying not to look at Jimin but he makes your attempt futile by softly grabbing your chin. Tilt your face upward. Peers at your eyes.
âHey!â Mumbles oh, so softly that youâre positive you just melted into a little puddle. Your annoyance starts to dissipate under his warm gaze. You hate the effect he has on you. âSomeoneâs in a mood.â Jimin adds. Gives you an amused smile. Bites on his bottom lip that you canât help but drop your gaze into his pink lips.Â
âI am in a mood. You didnât even reply to me.â You pout. Now you look at him closely and carefully, you can see how tired he looks. Thereâs that glint in his eyes but he looks exhausted. You can understand he has a job to do. And maybe you shouldnât give him a hard time too. So, you sigh heavily, ready to apologize and say that itâs okay. Jimin beats you to it, however. His amused smile vanishes. Entire expression turns so serious that you feel your stomach churn uncomfortably. A prickle of sensation that something isnât right engulfs you whole.Â
âIâm sorry. I had to uhâŠâ You flicker your gaze between Jiminâs brown orbs. Waiting patiently for him to tell you what happened while he hesitates. You want him to tell you. You want to know. Not because youâre nosy and curious but it makes you happy to think that Jimin tells you about his problems. How funny. But you need that. Yet his next words make you regret ever wanting to know that at all. âWas with Liyaâs family. A dinner.â Jimin drops his hand down.Â
You feel your stomach drop.Â
âOh!â Thatâs all you could come up with. Thereâs a sudden bitterness in your tongue. Your blood starts to boil.Â
Jealousy!Â
Thereâs no way you can deny it anymore. No way you can mistake it as something else. Youâre undoubtedly, unmistakably are getting fucking jealous. Well, of course, you are. You like Park Jimin. A lot in that case. Anything and everything that has him to do with another girl makes you burn with jealousy. Even though you have no right to. Jimin would think youâre crazy if he ever knew. So, you bite inside your cheeks to calm yourself. Try to say itâs cool when a sudden voice interrupts you.Â
âNo Seoyeon, I canât drink tonight. Itâs an early morning tomorrow.â You recognize the voice right away. Jimin steps away from you. Just a little. You pretend that it doesn't hurt you when Seoyoen enters the kitchen first, closely followed by Kim Liya. Why would you even be surprised? This is Seoyeonâs place and Liya is going to be here. That doesnât make you feel any better, however. Â
Seoyeon stops dead at the track right as her eyes land on you. Liya stops behind her. Her eyes darting between you and Jimin. You feel small under the attention.Â
âWhy are you here?â Seoyeon questions with a sharp edge in her voice. Heat rushes to your face instantly.Â
Oh, how embarrassing. You donât even know how to answer her.
âProbably because sheâs invited.â Jimin answers on your behalf. Which you donât appreciate much by the way Seoyeon throws him a scandalous look. A moment passes.Â
âWhy are you speaking for her? She canât talk?â Seoyeon scoffs. âItâs okay Seo.â Liya breaths out. Steps around Seoyeon to walk toward the drinks. You throw a skeptical glance at her. Seoyeon, however, isnât ready to listen to her best friend, it seems.Â
âItâs not okay, Liya.â She mumbles before pointing a finger toward you. âYou.â She grits. âHow fucking dare you come here, after all the shits youâve done? To my place at that? After you went behind my best friend's back? What kind of a sister are you? And you have the fucking audacity to step inside my house-â
âOkay, shut the fuck up Seoyoen. Itâs none of your fucking business.â You wince when Jiminâs sudden voice booms across the spacious kitchen.Â
âHowâs that not my business? This is my house for fucks sake!â
âThen ask your damn boyfriend why he invited her.â A silence falls. For a second before Taehyung breaks it by barging in. Just by the look on his face, you know people heard the commotion inside the kitchen. Taehyung is scowling deeply and his jaw is slack when he makes it next to Seoyeon.Â
âWhatâs happening?â He asks Jimin. Jimin chuckles. In a very taunting way. âAsk your rude little girlfriend. You forgot to get her permission before inviting people here.â Jimin glares at Seoyeon so hard that you worry sheâd actually burn for a minute. Taehyung throws Jimin a look in displeasure. Itâs a low blow, after all.Â
âI donât need anyoneâs permission to invite my friends to my place.â Taehyung puts extra emphasis in the last few words. Averts his gaze to his girlfriend. Seoyeon doesnât look back at him. Her eyes are still on you. You feel beyond uncomfortable at this rate. And that intensifies when you catch Jungkook entering the kitchen. A murderous glare in his eyes. This is not good. You donât want anyone to fight.Â
âYeah? But you canât fucking invite sluts to our home, Kim Taehyung.â
âWhat the fuck did you say?â Jimin steps forward just a second before Jungkook does. You just want to shrink. Want the floor to split open and swallow you whole.Â
âI called her a slut, Jimin. Why? Does that bother you?â
âFor fucks sake Seoyeon, will you just shut up?â Teahyung doesnât let Jimin tell anything else. You feel your head spin. Seoyeon yells something that doesnât quite reach your ears. So does Taehyung. You wander your gaze from the fighting couple to Jungkook. Just standing there like an animal ready to attack his prey any minute.Â
God this is not good.
You notice with your blurry gaze that the rest of your friends have made it to the kitchen as well. Great! Now youâre making a fool out of yourself in front of everyone, again. Youâre causing chaos everywhere you go. The argument is getting heated by every passing minute. You need to end this. Or at least you need to remove the cause of this stupid fight. Which is you.Â
âIâll just leave.â You shout over everyoneâs voice. Everything falls into silence at once. All eyes are dropping on you. âKookie, can we go?â You ask Jungkook. Donât wait for his answer as you almost step away. Almost since even before you can take a step forward, Jiminâs hand grabs your wrist tightly.
âYouâre not going anywhere.â
What?
You feel your heart beating in your throat. This is ridiculous. See now, youâd be very glad that Jimin is standing with you. Defending you. Taking your side. But at this moment, you think itâd do more harm than any good. The way Jinâs- whoâs standing behind a horrified looking J- face tightens is the best proof for that. These people might have forgiven your sins once but now youâre sure theyâd just want to kill you with their bare hands.Â
âJimin.â You whisper yells to no avail. Jimin gives you a look. Youâre getting embarrassed.Â
âGosh, this is-â Seoyeon rakes her fingers through her raven hair. âWhy the fuck are you just watching this Liya?â Suddenly turns to Liya. Whoâs been awfully quiet all these times. Hell, you nearly even forgot her. You turn your head toward her to catch her just sipping wine.Â
Really?
She straightens up when attention falls on her. âWhat? Itâs not like that anyone would listen to anyone, anyway.â She shrugs. Looks like sheâs made a point but no one seems impressed. âOkay.â So, she sighs after a beat. Looks at Jimin. âI mean, itâs good that my boyfriend is sticking up to my family.â States as a smile spreads across her face. You feel Jimin tense beside you. Something is wrong. âI really appreciate you taking my side Seo,â Liya averts her eyes to Seoyeon again. âBut, it's a little rude and impolite that youâre asking to leave a guest whoâs clearly invited here.â Places her wine glass away.Â
Okay, now this doesnât make any sense. What the fuck is Liya doing. Even Seoyeon looks baffled. Her entire face turns red. Opens and closes her mouth like a goldfish. âAre you serious, right now?â Mutters almost inaudibly.
âYes. Very. Besides, even though I didnât expect to see my sister here, Iâm glad that youâre here.â Liya pays her full attention to you now. Her eyes flicker to where Jimin is touching you. It feels like her gaze can burn you. You get the urge to yank your hand away but Jimin doesnât allow you. âSince you miss the family dinner and all.â She smiles again. A smile that oozes venom. You watch her smug expression. Not exactly knowing whether you want to hear what she has to say or not. Before anything, however, Jimin steps up. Drags you behind him. As if heâs afraid that Liyaâd hit you again.
âNot now, Liya!â States sternly. That voice doesnât do anything to falter Liyaâs smile, though.Â
âWhy not? Sheâs family. She deserves to know it. And so does everyone here. Taehyung here would be heartbroken if you hide something so important from him, baby.â Liya gestures to Taehyung, whoâs looking at Jimin intently.Â
âOkay, whatâs going on?â Seoyeon is the one who raises the question, however. Liya gives Jimin a âsee what I saidâ kind of look. Jimin ignores her. Turns to you. Looks past you and glance at the still very dangerously calm and collected Jungkook.Â
âYouâre both drunk. Let me drop you both off.â Mumbles. You know heâs trying to avoid whatever Liya is about to say. And for some reason, you donât want to listen to that either. You nod lightly and almost turn to Jungkook to see if he agrees when Liya chuckles.Â
âWeâre getting engaged.â Her voice comes out loud and clear. Enough to be heard by everyone in the vicinity. And you freeze. Completely. Your ears start to ring and your heart beat slows down.
They are doing, what now?
âWait? What?â You donât know who asks that. Maybe, Hoseok. Or Taehyung.
âEngaging? When? Why all of a sudden?â Thatâs definitely Jin and he steps all the way inside the kitchen. You look at Jimin. Confused. He looks stressed. Pissed but also guilty. Thatâs not good.Â
âNo. Itâs not-â Jimin starts only to get interrupted.Â
âNo? Oh, but I thought we both agreed, Jimin. When my parents asked about it?â Liya steps toward Jimin and he finally lets go of your hand. His full attention on Liya.Â
âYou agreed, not me.â Jimin shouts.
âThen what? Did you say no? I didnât hear you say no.â
âWait? Just tell us whatâs the fucking rush?â Hoseok butts in. His voice is serious. You donât want to be here.Â
âThereâs no rush Hoseok. Weâve been together for like five years and my parents think itâs time. I think itâs time.â Liya answers Hoseok dismissively. You want to go.Â
âCan we fucking talk about this later? This is ridiculous that you brought this up in front of everyone.â Jimin grabs Liyaâs attention back to him. âI just announced the happy news, Jimin.â Liya counters.Â
Happy news!
How funny that you donât see a single happy person here. Half looks surprised, Seoyeon being the most surprised one. And the other half looks angry, Jimin being the most angered one. This is humiliating. You donât know what other people are thinking about you. Do they pity you? Disgust you?Â
You just want to leave.Â
Well, no oneâs stopping you right now. Jimin is no longer holding you. You can leave. You turn to Jungkook instantly. Donât give a fuck about whatâs happening here anymore. It doesnât matter anyway. It hurts, yes. So damn much but you think this is how itâs always meant to end. You were and always will be the other woman. You shouldnât have let Jimin drag you back into this mess. Maybe Jungkook is right. Jimin is playing you skillfully.Â
âKookie, letâs leave.â You mumble to Jungkook. Jungkook perks up. His expression is unreadable. He says nothing, however. Just nods.Â
You turn to Liya at the same time Jimin turns to you. âCongratulations, you both!â You mutter looking between Jimin and Liya. You donât want to appear weak. You like Jimin but only you and Jungkook know. You think itâs embarrassing to let other people know the truth as well. Itâs better to keep your dignity and walk away like this is nothing. You force yourself to smile.Â
âNo, what? Lil, no. Iâll just- wait for me, Iâll drop you both off.â Jimin tries again to stop you but you avoid his hands successfully this time.Â
âNo need Jimin. Weâll take a cab. Just- uh.. Yeah, see you guys later.â You bow lightly to everyone. Yes, you can pretend everythingâs fine and leave. Can cry later and nobody would ever know how hurt you are. As long as they donât know itâs not humiliating. Jimin, however, doesnât appear to understand at all.Â
âNo, fuck no. Iâm coming with you or youâre staying here.â You look at the way that familiar fire inside his eyes. And that fire ignites the gasoline inside you. You feel your nerves lit up. How dare he think he can demand you? After everything? Yet before you can say anything else a hand comes landing on Jiminâs chest firmly.
âShe said she wants to leave, asshole.â Jungkook shouts at the same time he pushes Jimin back. Gets Jimin in surprise that he loses his balance for a minute before he catches himself. Then before you know it he's grabbing from Jungkookâs t-shirt.Â
âThe fuck is your problem, Jeon. Fucking stay away.â Jimin grits. Pushes Jungkook too. A shiver runs through you. Jungkook mutters something incoherent as he lashes at Jimin. This time Jimin being ready to avoid it and fight back but you step between them immediately.Â
âNo. Kook. No..â You place your hand on his chest.Â
âFucking stay away Noona.â Jungkook doesnât listen to you. So, you have no other options but to yell.
âFucking stop acting like a kid, will you?â It works. He halts. Turns his furious glare at you. Takes a minute then a soft chuckle leaves him. âI want to leave. Just fucking go.â Thatâs all you say before you grab his hand. Starting to storm away. Jimin says something else in panic. Youâre positive he tries to follow you. Last thing you hear is Taehyung stopping him.
âLet them leave Jimin. Not like youâre gonna solve this mess, anyway.â
Exactly!Â
Heâs not going to solve this mess at all.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
The entire cab ride into Jungkookâs place happened in silence. In deafening silence but the tension and the anger brewing inside both of you screamed so palpable it felt almost audible.
You were mad at lots of things. Mad at yourself for falling into Jiminâs spell again when you knew deep down that it would never end well. Mad that you allow yourself to walk into this mess. Fall for Jimin. Youâre mad at Jimin for being so selfish. For giving you false promises about everything getting better one day when he probably doesnât even like you. Mad at Jimin for acting that way in front of everyone and making them hate you even more. Mad at Jimin for making you like him when you have no hopes at all.Â
Then youâre mad at Jungkook. For trying to fight Jimin like a mad cow when it wasnât his battle to fight. For letting his emotions get the best of him.For making you feel and appear weak. Making you look like you canât stand up for yourself. But above all youâre mad at this stupid situation that has put you in this mess.Â
Fuck everything.
You are still vibrating with your anger by the time you enter Jungkookâs house behind him. You close the door behind you. Glare at his retreating figure. Not even caring to remove his shoes.Â
âRemove your fucking shoes, Joen.â You shout, making him stop. Just for him to ignore you and continue walking. âYah!â You kick away your own shoes. Follow after Jungkook to stop him by grabbing his arm. âYouâre making a mess of the floor.â You turn him around.Â
âAnd why the fuck would you care?â He matches your voice.Â
âBecause youâre dirtying the floor.â Both of you know that you donât give a damn about the floor. Youâre just trying to pick up a fight. And you feel frustrated when Jungkook just removes his shoes without a word. Steps out of them.Â
âHappy?â Asks. Starts to walk away again. You feel like crying due to the burning anger inside you.Â
âWhy did you do that?â You just wonât let Jungkook off the hook that easily. Itâs not fair really. Sweet Jungkook doesnât deserve to be the target of your wrath for many different things. But youâre too deep in your emotions to care.Â
âDid what?â Jungkook breaths out.Â
âFight Jimin?â
âReally?â Jungkook turns around again. âWell, I did tell you that Iâm going to break his bones one of these days, didnât I? And that fucker need to know his place. I donât give a fuck about his status or anything else Noona. He just canât demand you around like that when heâs the one in the wrong. Who the fuck does he think he is?â
âI couldâve handled it perfectly fine by myself. I donât want you to fucking fight on my behalf.âÂ
âThen fucking do it, dammit.â Jungkook closes the distance between you like a flash. Cups your cheeks and pushes you back so fast that you donât even register your back has hit the wall. âThen do it. Call him now, ask him to fuck off and leave you alone. Tell him that itâs fucking over. You didnât fight for yourself, Noona. You just stood there looking like a broken doll. You were so worried and looking forward to seeing him when he was planning his damn engagement. And then you just congratulate them? What the fucking is wrong with you? Why are you letting them belittle you that way?â
âI-I..â You try to come up with something. Just to realize that you donât know what to say. You didnât know that you looked broken that moment, after all.Â
âI donât even get why you like Jimin, anyway. Heâs a rude asshole like I always said. Why do you like him, Noona? What the fuck does he have? He made you cum so hard that you fell in love with him?â Jungkook brings his face inches closer to you. You gulp harshly. âWell, guess what, heâs not the only one who can do that. I can do it, you know. I can make you cum harder than him and can treat you way fucking better.âÂ
âJu-jungkook.â You feel dumb. Stunned. Completely speechless. Among everything, this is something youâve expected the least. Whatâs Jungkook even talking about? No. No, he canât be serious.Â
âI can do it all better, Noona.â Jungkookâs raised voice suddenly drops. Whispers against your mouth, instead. Thatâs the only warning you get before you feel his soft lips on yours. Harsh. Hard. Instantly falling into moving against your mouth. A surprised gasp leaves you as your eyes go wide. It takes your fogged mind a damn minute to register whatâs happening. Too surprised. When it does, an alarm blares in your mind.Â
No. No. Not Jungkook.Â
You bring up a hand to push him away by his chest. Or at least try to. Jungkook just grabs that hand and holds it to your side, firmly. Not breaking your kiss.Â
No⊠you canât do this. This is Jungkook. Heâs too precious. You canât allow a single mistake to ruin things between you.Â
Jungkook deepens the kiss. Muffles your weak protests. Bites onto your lower lip. Seek entrance into your mouth but when you donât give it, he finally breaks apart.Â
âNoona, please.â He whines. Pleads. âJust letâs try one time.â Kisses the corner of your mouth. âPlease.â
An involuntary shiver runs through your body.Â
No, no, no. You shouldnât even think about this. Itâs your Jungkook.Â
Then Jiminâs smile flashes across your mind.
You shouldnât do this at all.
âCâmon baby, let me show you.â Jungkook inches his trail of kisses down toward your neck. Wet and sensual. You canât help but whimper. Your head starts spinning. Alcohol in your system makes the electricity youâre feeling intensifies. Youâre drunk and angry. If you do this, itâs going to be a huge mistake. But it feels good. And you canât deny how attractive Jungkook is. He is no Jimin but still heâs a godly looking man and youâre just a woman. Besides, a distraction can do you good. A way to release this anger. Itâs not like youâre obliged for Jimin, are you? If he can fucking plan on an engagement while you were pathetically waiting for his explanation, then youâre allowed to do anything you want. And Jungkook wants this too. Heâs the one asking and begging.Â
You allow another beat to pass before you tangle your fingers in his black hair locks. Pull from them to get him facing you. Donât even let Jungkook comprehend whatâs happening as you attack his lips with yours. This time you donât wait till he seeks entrance. Just push your tongue past his lips without any reluctance from his side. Jungkook groans in appreciation. Starts kissing you like heâs lost his mind. Rough and hard. Like he wants everything from you. Never breaks the intense kiss when he slips his hands past your ass. Toward your thighs. You moan aloud which he swallows when he picks you up from the floor easily. You tangle your legs around his waist. Keep kissing him ignoring your lungsâ protests until he walks both of you toward the couch.
Jungkook drops you into the couch. Bending down with you and still not breaking the kiss. You expect him to push you into your back and get on top of you. Then for much of your dismay, he just breaks the kiss. A trail of saliva connecting your kiss bitten lips. You whine in complaint when he smiles wickedly. But also somehow innocently. Kisses your throat. A shudder ripples through you.Â
âGonna fucking worship you baby.â Kisses your shoulder. âGonna treat you so well.â Kisses your nipple over your top. Your back arches.Â
âKookie.â
âTreat you so so well.â Kisses your stomach. You tread your fingers in his hair again. Nearly comes on the spot when he goes into his knees. He urges your legs apart by your ankles. Bends them on your knees. Your skirt bunches up around your waist. He places a hard kiss into your pulsing core over your skirt. Rubs your thighs softly before bringing his hands closer toward the waistband of your panties. âLet me, baby.â Looks at you with the most hungriest puppy eyes youâve ever seen. Waits for your approval. You nod almost frantically. âThankyou.â Jungkook mumbles. Drags your panties down through your legs.Â
You moan at the sensation of cool air at your heated core first. Then you moan at the way Jungkookâs eyes darken at the sight of your core. He audibly moans. Fucking moans.
âHoly shit, Jungkook.â You rasp while you feel a little shy under his scrutinising gaze.Â
âHoly shit, indeed. Fuck, Noona.â He averts his eyes from your core to your face. You blush hard. Almost cover your face with your palms when he acts faster than you. Holds into your hands. âDonât please. Youâre so fucking beautiful.â He purrs. Eyes back on your glistening pussy. âAnd wet. God youâre so wet, pet. Dripping.â Coos. Licks his lips. You buck your hips toward his face. Burning up from lust.Â
âKookie please.â You croak. And Jungkook doesnât let you suffer at all. Just as the words leave your mouth, you feel his nose nudging at your clit. Then his lips replace his nose. A tender kiss at your pearl. Your toes curl and your head falls back into the headrest. Then he places another kiss. Then another. A kiss after a kiss. Until you lose your mind. Jungkook pulls away after what felt like an eternity. Pauses to admire your core before looking directly in your eyes. Keeps his eyes on yours when he spits onto your clit.
âYouâre so damn beautiful, Noona.â You tremble violently. Jungkook rubs his spit into your slit using two fingers. Slowly. Sensually. As if he has all the time in the world. Keeps rubbing over and over again. Making you gasp and moan. âThe prettiest pussy Iâve ever seen.â Stares at your throbbing core as if heâs in a trance. Kisses your clit, yet again.
âOh, God.â You press his face into your core, impatiently. He doesnât complain. Just let you rub your aching cunt on his face. You whimper and whine. Which turns into broken moans when Jungkook parts his lips and wraps them around your clit. Starts sucking. Grazes his teeth softly. And youâre melting. So far gone in the pleasure Jungkook is creating between your thighs.Â
You just rock your hips mindlessly while Jungkook alters between sucking on your clit and licking your slit. His tongue poking at your entrance.Â
âPlease, fuck.â You urge him to give you more. Jungkook apparently is an impatient lover. He canât deny you nor can he control himself. His tongue enters you almost immediately. Fucking your quivering hole with his tongue. Coming up to make out with your clit. âYes. Yes. Kookie, yes.â You choke out every now then. Lose your mind completely when his fingers replace his tongue soon. He waits for your permission like a good boy before he enters. But as soon as you just nod, heâs fingering you violently like itâs the last day on earth. As if youâre the last girl heâd ever get to finger. It takes a few experimental thrusts for Jungkook to find your sweet spot but he does rather quickly.Â
âTastes so sweet, pet. God, you taste so sweet. Want your cum, hm. Want to eat your cum.â Jungkook mumbles against your slippery core. Like a mad man. And he looks so beautiful. Covered in your slick and eyes peering at you. âCum on my tongue baby, please.â Pleads for no reason. You just nod. Fingers pulling from his hair. Hips keep rocking against his face. And his fingers relentlessly stroking that spot. Making your high goes higher and higher. Until thereâs no place to go and it explodes. Explodes with you moaning inhumanly and almost ripping Jungkookâs hair away. With you screaming his name and Jungkook nearly crying as he starts to ravish on your cunt. He keeps doing that till it starts to hurt you. Until you start to push his face away.Â
He gives you one last sloppy lick. From your hole to your clit. Pulls his fingers out and cleans them as well. You just watch him in awe. Chest heaving. Expecting him to get to his feet and continue but he just lowers your legs. Smiles softly. âYou okay?â Asks from you. You on the other hand are gaping at Jungkook like youâve never seen him before.Â
He doesnât want to continue?
âKookie, what are you? Youâre not going to?â You question. Confused. Jungkook grins. In adoration.Â
âNo. Itâs fine. Wanted you to feel good.â Stands up.Â
Hell, no. What you did was wrong. So, wrong. But to think that Jungkook doesnât even receive anything in return makes you feel nauseous. Like youâve used him. No. You donât want that. You stumble into your feet immediately. Get Jungkook by surprise when you kneel in front of him in such a hurry.
âNo-noona?â He stutters. You bunch up your fists in his pants.Â
âSit down Jungkook. Youâre not getting away that easily.â
âNo. You donât have to-â
âI know, I just want to. Please.â You bat your eyelashes. Places a kiss on his visible bulge. âI want to suck your cock Kookie. Want to taste you.â Jungkook curses aloud. âFuck!â He has a weak self control, after all.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Jungkook really believes that heâs about to die from the pleasure. Thatâs how good this feels. Your pretty lips are wrapped around his cock. Your teary eyes looking up at him. You, down on your knees for him. Worshipping his cock. Drooling and choking on his cock. His. It feels like a dream.Â
âFuck, Noona.â He uses your hair to push you further into his cock. Hitting your throat. You gag. Close your eyes. Jungkook nearly bust a nut right there. He has to look away from you to prevent that from happening. âOh, baby fuck.â He moans aloud. Youâve given him the permission to fuck your throat. But still, Jungkook is afraid of hurting you. You look like youâre enjoying this to the fullest, though. You moan around his cock right at the clue. âYeah? You like this, pet?â Jungkook asks. You nod around him in answer. Oh, how delectable you look. How pliable and the things he wants to do to you. Canât afford to scare you away, however. Jungkook bites back his questionable thoughts away to buck his hips into your mouth.
You gag again which soon turns into another moan. Youâre a complete mess. Mascara running down your cheeks and makeup ruined. And the thought that heâs the one who made you that way gets Jungkook drunk without alcohol. Tears roll down your cheeks uncontrollably just like your spit drool down his cock. Making it slippery and messy. Complete, utter mess. But the most beautiful mess heâs ever seen, undoubtedly. Jungkook pushes your head down and keeps you there for a second before letting you go. You swirl your tongue around his tip when you come up. Then youâre pushing his cock back again into your throat.Â
âOh, god youâre so good at this. Youâre taking my cock so well baby. Keep going.â Jungkook lets you take the pace. Doing it in your own way and pleasuring him to a point of blacking out. Jungkook doesnât want to think about anything beyond this moment. But for a fact, he knows that youâre currently ruining him for any other girl. Heâd never be able to receive this kind of pleasure again. And just as he thinks this is the best and worst it can get you start shuffling. Jungkook watches in confusion when you adjust yourself in a way that you can straddle his leg. Your knees on either side of his leg and you lower yourself down.Â
âHoly fuck no. God, Noona. Iâm-â Jungkook fists your hair hard and violently starts to thrust into your mouth just as you start to rub your cunt on his leg. Heâs definitely going to die today. Your moans reverberate through his entire body, starting from his throbbing cock. âYouâre such a pretty slut Noona. So fucking beautiful.â Jungkook bends down to move your skirt away. So, your cunt can rub directly onto his leg over his pants. He wishes he could just remove that too. But is too greedy to take his cock out from the warm confines of your mouth.Â
âYeah, like that baby. Keep going. Rub your sweet cunt on my leg. Cum again for me.â So, he just encourages you while keep fucking your mouth. Over and over again. Using your pretty face heâs been dreaming of kissing for months. Letting himself fall into an endless pit of pleasure. His groans and your moans fill his otherwise quiet apartment together with your occasional gags and slurping sounds. Adding more fire to his desire. And just at the moment when your movements lose their rhythm and you come into a tense halt. Cumming all over his leg and crying out, Jungkook lost it too. He swears that he wanted to ask you if you wanted him to cum down your throat but itâs already too late. He shoots ropes after ropes of his cum into your throat. But you donât seem to mind.Â
âOh fuck Noona. Take that, yes.â He keeps you that way until his high rides down. âGood pet, yeah. Ahh.. Youâre so good to me.â Until he has nothing to give you more. Thatâs when he lets you go. His softening cock slips from your mouth as you heave for air. Wipe your chin with the back of your hand.Â
It takes Jungkook another minute to come into his senses. You are still on your knees and straddling his leg. He lowers his gaze to you. Takes in your ruined appearance. This time, though, instead of a new spark of fire, he feels a pang in his chest.
Holy fuck! What has he done?
Jungkookâs heart beat starts to slow down. Weight of his action weighs heavy down his shoulders.Â
He just made you suck his cock. He made you do that when you were vulnerable and hurt. Angry and drunk. He let his primal instinct get over him and used you. Jungkookâs heart squeezes painfully. You make it worsen when you peer at him with innocent wide eyes.Â
Oh, no.
Jungkook works in autopilot mode when he bends down. Pulls you into your feet and then into his lap. You straddle him immediately. Your eyes are glistening. He canât really read your expression. But he thinks you look sad. Broken. Hurt. Guilty. Jungkook completely ignores the fact that you both are still very half naked when he crushes you with a tight hug. You hide your face in his neck.Â
âIâm so sorry!â
You breathe out at the same time as he does. He freezes for a moment. Then it hits him. Youâre apologizing for the same reason as he is. Even though you donât have to. You never used him. Itâs the other way around. But here you are. Jungkook presses you into his chest even tighter. Not being able to get enough of you. Not knowing how to fix anything.
âIâm so sorry, Noona.â He whispers in your ear when you hug him back with the same kind of fervour.Â
âMe too Kookie. Iâm so sorry.â You pull away to peer at his face. âThis wonât change anything right? Youâd stay the same. Donât want to lo-lose y-uou.â Jungkookâs heart physically hurts at the way your voice cracks. He hugs you back. Oh, how broken you look. Why would you ever think heâd change?Â
âOf course no, Noona. Nothingâs changed. Iâm just your Kookie you always knew.â Even his voice sounds distant to him. But he can feel you nodding into his neck.
âThankyou.â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ
You feel sick. Youâve felt this way ever since your shenanigans with Jungkook. Itâs not that you despise Jungkook or anything. Quite the opposite to tell the truth. Itâs just the fact that youâve crossed a boundary you shouldnât have. The fact that you couldâve easily ruined everything. And then there is the guilt. Guilt toward Jungkook. When you used him as your stress releaser. No matter how many times Jungkook would tell you thatâs not the case and heâs at fault, you canât shake off the guilt. And the guilt toward Jimin. You know very well that, despite Jiminâs jealousy and his words, you hold no obligation to stay faithful to him. Heâs getting engaged for fucks sake. But yet you canât help but feel sick. Canât wipe off his beautiful smile from your mind. And the way that smile would falter if he knew what happened.Â
You feel like a cheap whore.Â
Funny, since youâve always done worse. With Jimin. But you can put everything aside. Yet not the feeling that you betrayed Jimin.Â
You tried your best to make up your mind. To convince yourself that youâre not wrong and are allowed to do anything you want. It isnât working, however. Not even after a day. Youâve had a very restless night after you went to sleep that night. After what happened with Jungkook. Then you had the worst day possible yesterday. Even got scolded from your favourite lecturer and of course, Chan. You were too caught up in your mind. Not being able to get rid of the guilty feeling, no matter how hard you try. And youâve come to a decision last night.Â
You have to come clean.Â
You need to meet Jimin and tell him what happened. You know you donât have to. That Jimin doesnât deserve to know. But you need to do that. Otherwise these emotions would eat you up.Â
Hence the reason why youâre not standing in front of Jungkookâs apartment right now. Instead, youâre standing in front of a once very familiar lavish apartment building. You donât even know what youâre about to do. Hell, you donât even have an idea whether Jimin is home or not. Or if Liya is there or not. All you know is that you want to come clean. Youâve just given into your impulse and had only sent a text to Jungkook saying youâd be late.Â
Maybe you should check with Jimin. But something makes you hesitant.
So, you just walk inside the lobby. You donât want permission. Know the password already. Have been here multiple times now. Yet it feels like your first time as you wait patiently inside the elevator. Are trembling like a leaf while you walk across the familiar hallway toward Jiminâs apartment. Your heart beats in your throat when you knock on his door.Â
Maybe this is a mistake. You shouldnât have come.Â
Maybe you should turn-
You hold your breath when the door opens suddenly. You exhale that breath when you see itâs the exact person you wanted to see.Â
Jimin.
He genuinely looks surprised. Eyes wide. And glinting. A small smile spreads across his lips as well.Â
âSpring Roll?âÂ
He gaps softly. Yet beside his glinting eyes, he looks even worse than the last time you saw him. Lips dry and blackness under his eyes. Nose a little red and hair tousled. Is in his work attire- minus the coat, but doesnât look like the handsome CEO that he is. If you didnât know better, youâd say heâs sick. âThis- uh-â He stutters a bit. Nervously. Almost like a boy meeting his crush for the first time. In another context you wouldâve swoon to see that. Not now though. The nerves are eating you up to be able to feel any butterflies. The prospect of what to come next makes you sweat like a pig.Â
Jimin, whoâs very oblivious to your inner turmoil, opens the door wide for you. Still stuttering. âI'm a bit surprised. I mean you came- wait? Youâre okay right? Nothingâs wrong?â Waits for you to answer. When you donât he continues. Clasps his hands. âListen baby, I know Iâm always fucking up and all but I swear-â
âJimin.â You stop his rambling. You donât even know what heâs talking about. For a moment Jimin looks like he doesnât want to listen to you. Looks like heâs about to plead and beg. Then probably at the sight of your paled face, he closes his mouth. Brows furrowing.Â
âWhat? What happened, baby? Youâre okay, right?âÂ
Oh, you feel like youâre about to faint.Â
âI- IâŠ.â Now youâre here, you have no idea what you should say.Â
Hi Jimin, Jungkook and I gave each other oral and now I feel like a slut. Just wanted to let you know.Â
Oh, how stupid you are. Why did you ever decide to come here this way?
âWhat is it, Spring Roll? Youâre fucking making me worried.â Jimin takes a firm step toward you. His face is stony and concerned.
Okay, okay you got this. Just rip the bandaid off.
âJungkook and I.. uh- I mean weâŠâ You trail off again. Not knowing what to say. âWe- it just happened but- uh-â Try again. Fail. But then Jiminâs stony face falls for a split second. A realization dawns upon him as you watch. You stand there like an idiot, feeling nervous when his eyes darken dangerously. Thereâs no need to explain everything. Of course, he picked up the pieces and connected them. His expression morphs into something predatory.
âYou did what?â Yet when Jimin questions, his voice is calm. Too calm for your likings. Icy rage.Â
You shouldnât have come.Â
âI- we- it just happened-â
âWhat the fuck did you do, Lil. Did you fuck?â Jimin shoves his hands in his pockets. His calm exterior breaking down. Your knees buckle under his icy gaze.Â
âNo.. No..â
âThen what?â
You gulp harshly. Soothing your parched throat. This is fucking ridiculous. Why would you be so nervous talking to Jimin as if heâs your boyfriend. Itâs not like you actually did something wrong. You should leave.Â
âNothing. I shouldnât have come here.â You ramble. Almost ready to turn around and run away when Jimin grabs your forearm. It all happens so fast for you to comprehend. The way he drags you inside. The way he closed the door behind. The way youâre trapped between him and the door.Â
âWell, you fucking did Spring Roll. And now you canât just throw a bomb at me and walk away.â Jimin doesnât touch you. Just keep you caged between the door and his body. âTell me what the hell you did.â You just blankly stare at him. Previous nervousness you felt replacing with familiar anger. True that you came here to come clean and all but you donât like the way he talks to you right now. And he makes it worse with his next words. âYou wanted to do something to be even. Revenge. Because of what happened at Taeâs. Is that why? You wanted to make me jealous and you decided to go and fuck someone else?â Oh, your vision is turning red. âGuess what, princess, itâs fucking working. Iâm burning from jealousy right now. I can kill that bastard. You. Win.â
âOh, for fucks sake Jimin. Do I look like I want to do that?â You finally manage to talk back normally. Rage makes your nervousness disappear.
âThen what the fuck do you want? You came here to let me know after all?â
âSo, youâd rather prefer I kept it a secret? Like you always do with everything. I fucking came because I feel oh so fucking guilty, Jimin. Like Iâve done something bad to you. I didnât mean it to happen. I was mad, hurt, and fucking drunk. So was he. But I couldnât shake off the guilt and I wanted to talk to you. Wan- wanted-â Your voice cracks making you stop rambling for a second. You breathe out before starting again. This time slowly. âWanted to apologize. Iâm not the one-â
Thatâs all you get to say when your words get muffled suddenly by Jiminâs lips. So sudden that you gasp loudly in surprise. He crushes his lips against yours without any warning. Starts to devour you right away. Takes advantage of the gasp you left out and enters his tongue inside your mouth immediately. Tangling with yours. Bites on your lips and sucks on your tongue. Hard. Swallows all your moans and squeezes your ass. You do what your instincts ask you to do. Wrap your hands around his neck and deepen the kiss. This is not how you should do this. But you canât worry. Thereâs no use trying to fight it anymore. Jimin is your drug and youâll always get addicted just with a simple touch.Â
Jimin keeps kissing you until youâre both breathless and panting. Pulls away right when you both canât do it anymore.Â
âFuck you, Lil.â He groans. Pants.
âFuck you, too Park. You fucking ass-âÂ
He kisses you again. Doesnât let you finish your insult. Unfortunate how you donât try to push him away. Instead youâre bringing him even closer. Grinding against him.Â
âYou sure you want this?â Jimin withdraws just enough to ask you that. You nod without a beat. âYeah? Cause, Iâm gonna fucking ruin you, Lil. No oneâs touching whatâs mine. I told you that youâre mine.â Asks again. And his words make your blood liquid fire. Youâre blazing.Â
âIâm positive. Whatever you want.â You peck his lips. Jimin takes a minute and then nods. Withdraws completely just to grab your wrist. And is walking inside his apartment while dragging you with him. You just let him do what he wants. Excitement bubbles inside you. You can feel your heart beating in your ears and your core throbs in anticipation. You missed Jimin.Â
Jimin stops in the middle of his living room. You take a quick glance around you. It looks the same. The couch. The coffee table. The book rack. And floor to ceiling windows. Leaking bright morning sunlight inside since the curtains are drawn open. You look at Jimin confusedly when he motions you to walk forward. Until youâre standing before one of the windows. You turn to look at him. Questioning with your eyes. Jimin holds both of your hands in his. Gently. A stark contrast to how sinister he looks.Â
âWe need a safe word.â Mutters.Â
âHuh?â Your eyes widen. This is new. Jimin has always tried new things with you. Hell, he has made you cry during sex. And of course, was rough. But you never wanted a safe word. His words reverberated through your body. Making your clit throb.Â
âA safe word Lil. I donât want to do anything you donât like.âÂ
You inhale a shaky breath. Take a minute. Then nod. âYeah, fine. Um.. red.â State. Itâs the first thing that comes to your mind. Can anyone blame you for not being damn creative when your panties are getting drenched and your clit is throbbing for any attention?
âRed, it is. Say the word and Iâm gonna stop.â Jiminâs lips hover above you. You nod and wait patiently till he kisses you again. Only to be disappointed when he pulls away. Smirking.
Oh, this is going to be intense.
You watch in anticipation when Jimin takes a few steps back. You donât dare to move or ask anything. Just clenching around nothing and rubbing your thighs together. An agonizingly slow beat passes in silence. You can hear your heart beat and the roar in your ears. Then Jimin just casually drops down into one of the arm chairs. Facing you directly. Relaxes.Â
âStrip.â Then his lowered voice echoes through the apartment. Such a simple and clear command. No complexities or confusion. Yet, here you are gaping at him with an open mouth.Â
What did he say?Â
âDonât make me repeat Lil. Fucking strip.â Jimin repeats calmly.Â
Oh okay.
You turn around partially to look at the window behind you. Youâre pretty high on the building. Thereâs not many other buildings reaching up to a similar height but there's one. Right across from Jiminâs apartment building. And you can clearly see inside the apartment on the same level. That means if someone is there and if they looked your way they would see you. A shiver ripples through your body. Jimin picks up on your hesitation. âDonât care Lil. Just strip.â His dangerous rumble makes you turn your attention back to him. His predatory gaze is burning your skin.
You donât have to do it if you donât want to. You know it. You even have a word now. Jiminâs not going to push you if you really donât like something. But who are you kidding? You know that you wonât use the word. He knows that you wonât use it. You both know youâd just do as he says. And thatâs exactly what you do. Doing as he demands. Getting rid of your clothes one by one. Until youâre bared down into your underwear. âThose too.â Jimin just casually coaches you. You relent. In a second, youâre standing completely naked in front of his eyes. Morning sun rays make your naked skin warm behind you. Itâs warm but youâre trembling with excitement. Rubbing your thighs uncontrollably.
Jimin gaps. Groans. Bites down on his bottom lip. For a moment it looks like his control has slipped. Then he takes it back.Â
âTease your nipples.â Instructs. You bring your both hands hesitantly toward your already hardened pebbles. Start doing as he says. Twirling your fingers over them and pinching. âFuck, you look beautiful slut. But you let someone else see that?â You want to tell him thatâs not exactly what happened. And that heâs currently risking letting the same thing happen with a stranger. You donât, however. Are too turned on to be able to talk, let alone argue. So, you just keep teasing your nipples. A moan slips through your mouth.Â
âSqueeze your tits.â Jimin coaches again. You jump into action. Stop playing with your nipples and start massaging your soft mounds. Until Jimin finds itâs enough.Â
âThatâs enough. Touch your clit, baby.âÂ
You comply with his demands rather fast. Feel a little bit mortified. The whole situation is embarrassing. The window. The fact that Jimin is still very much clothed and youâre stark naked. The fact that youâre putting on a show for him. All of that is embarrassing. Humiliating. But also arousing. Your slickness is dripping down your thighs. And the moment your fingertips touch your bundle of nerves, your legs almost give up.Â
âJimin.â You whimper as you start to rub figure eights on your throbbing clit.
âUgh, fuck.â Jimin groans. Stars rubbing his bulge over his pants. âYou like this, slut? Like being put on display?â You just nod. Frantically picking up the speed youâre working on yourself. Bringing yourself embarrassingly close to an orgasm. This turns you on into no end that your head is spinning. Just few more flicks and-
âStop.â Jimin grunts. You slow down your fingers reluctantly. Whining and whimpering. Stop your movements altogether. Jimin lets a few seconds pass. âAgain. Touch again.â Demands again. The fire inside you swallows you whole. Itâs becoming a struggle to stay on your feets. Yet you relent and start rubbing again. Starting slow and doubling up your efforts. Making the coil inside your stomach tightens again.Â
âStop.âÂ
You bend down to stop yourself from cumming as you stop your movements. Tears start to prick your eyes. Another minute. Another command. âAgain.â Your fingers move around your clit again. âAnd keep your eyes on me.â He adds. You comply with him, yet again. Rub your clit slowly as you watch the way Jimin rubs his cock over his pants.Â
Oh, this is so good.
âStop.âÂ
You do.Â
âStart again, Lil.âÂ
You do.Â
âHow are you feeling princess, good? Is your clit throbbing? Yeah? You wanna cum?â Taunting and teasing.Â
âWanna cum Jimin, please.â And you're begging. Tears are finally starting to roll down your cheeks.Â
âNo. Stop.â
âOh, please.â
âFucking stop you little whore.â
So, you do it again. And then it goes on and on. Over and over. An endless circle of torture. Until your legs really give up and your knees almost hit the floor. Thatâs only when Jimin finally stops it. Finally gets to his feet and walks to you leisurely. While you struggle to be on your feet and keep your eyes away from his bulge. Trying so hard not to salivate at the sight.Â
Jimin cups your heated cheeks. Brings his mouth closer to your ear. âYou good, baby?â Whispers making tingles run across your whole body. You know heâs asking for real. Genuinely want to know if youâre okay.Â
âYes.â You exhale. Clutching his dress shirt desperately. âPlease.â Begs. You feel like dying from the throbbing pain between your legs. You just need something. Youâre aching for a little touch from him. And so youâre positive that youâll come undone the second he touches you. He doesnât, however. At least doesnât touch you where you want him to. Just turns you around you by your shoulders. Guides you toward the window. Pushes your body into it, making your hard and perky nipples grazing the window. You bring your hands to place on the not so cold glass on instinct. Balancing yourself. Your back is arching and searching for any kind of friction. Â
Jiminâs lips hover again in your ear. âWhat do you want, princess? Use your words.â Teases. You shudder. But youâve played this game enough times before to know that Jimin wonât give you anything unless you ask him to. And after all those times youâre not so shy anymore. âYou. Need you Jimin. Please, I need you.â You cry out. Desperately. Like the needy slut you are right now. Jimin only chuckles, though. Low. So low that you moan at the sound.Â
âYeah? Now you want me? I thought you didn't, baby.â
âOh, Jimin please.â This time you cry out in impatience. Heâs being difficult. Childish. âAm I wrong? You have people to please you. Why would you need me? Thought you have Jungkook now.â Almost pulls away when you finally snap.Â
âI didnât- fuck- it was a damn mistake and Iâm so sorry. I didnât mean it to happen.â You turn your head to look at him. He pulls away, anyway. You miss his warmth right away.Â
âWell, I donât think youâre sorry.â Jimin takes another step away from you. Youâre losing your mind.Â
âI am, I- oh god fuck Jimin. Iâm sorry.â You barely get to finish that when his palm suddenly hits your core. A choked moan elicits from your parched throat. âOh, god yes.âÂ
âYeah? Are you sorry?â His palm hits your cunt again. You cry out a âyesâ. âYeah?â Another time. Harder than before and you moan even louder. Pleasurable sting causing you to see stars. You will cum and embarrass yourself if he keeps doing that. But of course, he keeps doing that. âThen show me how sorry you are, slut.â Another slap. And you have no idea how to do as he says. Are about ask how when he gives you the answer soon. You swear that you didnât even hear the sound of his belt unbuckling. Jimin enters you without any prior warning and catches you completely off guard. The cry you let out is inhuman. Due to pleasure. Youâre slick enough that it doesnât hurt. Just a tiny burn which subsides immediately. Jiminâs rock hard cock glides against your slick warm walls quite easily.Â
âHoly fuck, so wet. Youâre so fucking wet.â Jimin groans. âAnd so tight. Feels so good, slut. Do you know how good your cunt feels?â Finally touches you properly. Snakes his hands around your body to cup your breasts. Starts pounding into you without any further ado. No waiting, no adjustments. Opts on a bruising primal pace. âShow me youâre fucking sorry Lil. Take my cock like a good slut, hm?â Your body presses against the glass with his every animalistic thrust. Your loud moans and sobs fill the entire apartment. âYou canât expect me to just be all cool after you let someone else see this damn body, princess.â Pinches your nipples so hard. âYouâre mine.â Fucks you even harder. âTold you always that you're mine.â Gives your neck a fleeting kiss. Then another. Soon it turns into a harsh suckings on your sensitive skin. Covering you with purple blossoms all over.Â
Every thrust. Every kiss. Every nibble. Every bite. Every rub brings you closer to your release faster than a flash. Yet just as youâre about to fall over, Jimin stops. Of course, he does. You find yourself even incapable of protesting. So far gone inside your head. So drunk on Park Jimin.Â
âOn the couch, câmon.â He commands, yet again. Pulls his hard cock out from you. You follow, yet again. Force your shaky legs to take you to the couch. Lay down with your legs spread apart. Watch with a hazy sight as Jimin at last gets rid of his clothes. Showing you his sculpted body. The kind of body that only he has. You wait impatiently till he joins you on the couch. Pumping his cock hard. This time he doesnât waste any time. Just bends you in half and puts your legs over his shoulders before entering you again roughly. Then is pounding into your spasming hole again. Over and over. His dick head hitting all the right spots.Â
âWhat should we do about this baby?â Jimin questions breathlessly in between his deep plunging. âAbout people not understating that you-fuck- youâre mine, hm?â Brings one hand to touch your neck. Drags his fingers over the purple marks he left there.Â
âJimin⊠oh god, I-I⊠please..â All you can do is pathetically moan. Jimin ignores whatever youâre trying to say.Â
âYou know, Iâve always covered you in hickies. And he always saw them, didnât he? What is that? Fucker canât pickup a sign? Canât understand that youâre mine.â Jimin squeezes your cheeks. Presses a hard kiss into your pouting lip. Gives a hard thrust and stops moving. Making himself buried deep inside you. Grinds his hips making you wail. âWhat should we do baby? Tell me?â Straightens back and falls back into his hard pounding. So hard that the couch skids across the floor with a squeaking sound. You watch how hard his jaw is locked. How flushed his face is. How dark his eyes are. Your throat is turning sore at how loud youâre moaning. Jimin is killing you. In a good way. And you think this is the worst he can do. How wrong you are.Â
âShould I get you fucking pregnant? Get you full and round of me so everyone-â
Jimin doesnât get to finish his sentence. Just because you drown his voice with your screaming. Back arching and cumming right there at his words. Embarrassing. But you canât care. Not when his words make you feel consumed by a heat that you canât satiate. You donât want to get pregnant. Of course, not. Youâre still so young and thereâs a lifetime ahead. You havenât even thought about children. But the way his words make you feel should be illegal. Itâs not possible to get this aroused right? Yet, here you are. Screaming his name and trembling.Â
âFucking hell, Lil. Oh god, woman youâre gonna fucking kill me.â Jimin slows down his hips a notch just to pick back up the speed and keep fucking you hard. Fucking you through your orgasm. Not even slowing down when it starts to hurt from the over sensitivity. âYou want that? You want to fucking get pregnant? Want me to fuck a baby in to you?â Questions. You donât answer. Completely because you canât properly understand what heâs talking about. Then Jimin never appreciated your silence, did he? He takes his hand to your clit. Doesnât stop his thrusts when suddenly pinches your clit hard. Hard enough for another unexpected orgasm to ripple through you. Making Jimin laugh and groan at the same time. âShit! You little slut.â Mutters. Slaps your sensitive clit again. âAnswer me baby? Do you like it?â Slaps your thigh this time while keep fucking you hard. âEither you gonna answer me or-â
âYes, yes-â You donât want to know what heâll do. This is enough torture already. âI want it, Jimin. P-pleaseâŠ. W-want you to get me so full- ugh fuck- so full of you. I want it please.â You sob. Can feel Jimin twitch inside you.Â
âYes?âÂ
âYes please. G-get me pregnant?â
âHell yeah, so everyone would know youâre mine, right baby? Tell me who you belong to? Whoâs fucking cunt is this?âÂ
âYours. Iâm yours.âÂ
Jimin groans. âFuck, yes. Mine.â Leans forward again. Looks you dead in the eye. You watch in anticipation. Knowing he needs more. Something more. You have no idea what that is but you nod in agreement anyway. You trust him with all your might. Besides, you have a safe word you can use any time. âOpen your mouth.â Jimin commands. His mouth is just mere millimeters apart from your lips. And like that you understand what he wants even before he says anything. You like it. Of course, you do. Thatâs the exact reason why youâre clenching around his hard cock like youâve gone mad. You do as he says without any other questions. Too fucked up and too horny. Keep your mouth open and wait for his next step. Jimin takes another cautious look at your face. For any sign of discomfort. When he finds none, he does it. Spits into your mouth.Â
You cry pathetically. Tears rolling down. Your cunt feels like it's on fire. âSwallow.â Jimin barks. You comply like a good pet. Make Jimin moans like a beautiful symphony. âFuck, again. Lil again baby, open your mouth.â You do. He does it again. You can tell heâs close. Too close. Is losing the precision in his movements. Yet demands you do it again. âAgain princess, one more time.â And thatâs all it takes for you to fall apart for a third time. Just as he spits on your mouth again.Â
And like a chain reaction, thatâs all it takes for Jimin as well. He falls forward. Captures your lips in a searing kiss as he stills his hips. Cuming deep inside you. Making you cum again one more time. Nails digging into Jiminâs back and your legs locking him in place. Allowing him to shoot his cum into your womb.Â
You wait there until you both canât breathe. Kissing each other like itâs the last time youâll get to kiss. Until your high calms down. Thatâs only when Jimin finally withdraws from you. Eyes frantically going over your tired and spent features.Â
You close your eyes. Feeling your head spin. Feeling hard to breathe. Your ears still roar and your heart beats a mile a minute. Cunt still on fire and throbbing painfully. You bring your forearm to cover your face. Allowing yourself to fall into exhaustion. Basking in the euphoric sensation. Finding solace in the darkness enveloping you. Peaceful, blissful dark-
âLil? Holy fuck, baby. Hey? Are you with me?âÂ
You open your eyes at the sensation of Jiminâs hands cradling your cheeks. Oh, so soft and gentle. His voice sounds like it's coming from another dimension. You catch the sight of his worried expression.Â
âHuh?â You mumble weakly.Â
âAre you okay, love? Did I- did I hurt you?âÂ
Your heart flutters violently. The rest of his question doesnât reach you. Your ears stop listening after the word âloveâ.Â
Oh no⊠he didnât.
You feel like crying. But that doesnât mean anything. Of course,not. Heâs just concerned and is a sweet person. Thatâs it. That doesnât mean anything. You shouldnât get ahead of yourself. So, you just shake your head to tell him that he didnât hurt you.Â
âI- Iâm fine. Jimin- I- Iâm so sorry-â He doesnât let you finish. Pulls your weak and spent body into his arms immediately. Starts pressing tender kisses into your hair as you hide your face in his neck. Inhaling his familiar smell.Â
âHey, I know. I know, baby. I know you didnât mean it and itâs okay. Sorry I was a jealous jerk. But itâs okay, alright?â Pulls away to look at your face. You gape at him.Â
Really?
âYou wonât mind?â Ask timidly.Â
âCourse I do mind. Hell, lady.. next time Iâm gonna murder that bastard if he so much as lays a finger on you. Youâre mine. I just- uh- I know itâs a mistake. I know you didnât mean and I just wanted to claim back whatâs mine.â Presses a soft kiss to your lips. You feel relief wash over you. Finally feels relaxed. All the weight on your chest evaporating. Oh, how Jimin has become your solace. Your safe place. You smile into his kiss.Â
âThank You.â
âNo, thank you for coming here. Thankyou for not just asking me to fuck off after everything. Thank you for letting me know.â
You pull away. Fall back onto the couch. This is the time. You need to get this done.
âWell, you promised me an explanation, Park.â Jimin chuckles. Starts fumbling around. Lays down next to you. Manhandling you on top of him. Holds you tight.Â
âYou got it. Sorry I couldnât make it earlier. Had to make sure Liyaâs father doesnât lose his shit after seeing that video.âÂ
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
You have no idea how long it has been since youâve been just cuddling on a couch and listening to Jiminâs story. Naked. About how Mr. Kim has a partial ownership of the company as the biggest shareholder. How four of them- even with combining all their shares- donât have enough to fight him. Now you understand why they call Liyaâs father mighty Kim. And how Jimin canât risk him pulling out from the company which will create a destabilising power. How he would lose his damn position and the company- the dream- he and his friends worked so hard for.Â
You donât know how hard boys worked for the company.
All of a sudden, Liyaâs words make so much sense to you.Â
And Jimin told you about the upcoming launch. The fact that Kim is the main sponsor. And everything falls back into one position. If he breaks up with Liya, sheâd take revenge. Mr Kim would just say bye to RUN and sell or transfer his shares to an external party. If that happens Jimin is fucked up.Â
âAnd you canât do anything about it?â You snuggle against his chest. Itâs just not a question but also a statement.Â
âNot unless we find a way to get him to sell his shares to us before anything happens. Or we find another sponsor who can fund us. Thatâs not easy. Especially with the fact that Kim rules this world. No one would ever want to be on his bad side.â Jimin rakes his fingers through your hair softly.Â
âSo, whatâs your plan then? You said you need time.â
âDo one of those things. Iâm on the hunt for a new sponsor. And Iâm looking for a way to get him to sell his shares without offending him. Or any other loophole I can find to use against him. Everyone has their dirty shits. I shouldâve already maintained an account for him. With all the blackmail materials. I was just stupid that I didnât do that. Now I have to dig from the surface till I reach deep enough.âÂ
You understand it. Makes you wonder why he hadnât told you earlier.Â
âWhy didnât you want to tell me earlier?â You question in genuine confusion. Raise your head to find him turning red. He groans.
âI was embarrassed.â
âEmbarrassed of what?â
âOf you finding out that Iâm such a loser.â
âWhat?â You almost get away from him completely in disbelief when he pulls you back on to him. So, you just opt to keep your head up and stare at him.Â
âOh câmon, Lil, you look at me like I'm some kind of God. A man who has everything. Someone who accomplished every goal. I mean you have a nasty mouth and youâll always talk me down but I see the way you look at me.â Jimin sighs heavily. You feel your heart swell. You didnât know that mattered to him. âYou know even though I kind of have everything, I just canât shake off the fucking feeling that I donât deserve it. That I.. uh.. Got it with the help of someone-â
âHelp of someone?â You interrupt him. Jimin nods.Â
âYeah. I-um- this makes it fucking worse, like when we started we really didnât have the budget to start developing a game. Just four boys fresh out of college. Just dreams and ideas. We had the talent, knowledge and all but not the money. We couldâve made it either way. Starting slow and making it from scratch but I had Liya. The queen bee. Daughter of the Kim and she didnât want to date a man struggling to build something up.â He laughs softly.Â
âBesides, why would we bother when she can help us? It was nothing on her part. At first I didnât want to do that but it sounded too compelling- tempting. All I wanted was to start something. For my idea to be out in the world and eventually I accepted. I built my empire with Kimâs money.â Jimin holds you so tight against him. As if heâs afraid youâll disappear if not. âI didnât want you to see me as that person. You made me feel like that Iâve actually made it by myself and that I deserve it. I know itâs stupid but I liked the way you treated me. So,â He touches your cheek. âDo you think Iâm a loser? Iâm an asshole and we both know it but I didnât want to use Liya. But thatâs whatâs apparently happened, so, do you wish you never had started anything with me?â
Your eyes widen in surprise. You would really hit him if he doesnât have such a tight grip on you.Â
âReally, Park?â You raise a brow. âThat- thatâs, oh gosh no. Why would you even think that way? It really is such a stupid reason.â You sigh heavily. Softening at his expression. âYou didnât use anyone Jimin. Sheâs the one offered. And you were already dating her. Not the other way around. You saw the opportunity and you took it. And it was just money they offered. Rest was on you. Iâd always see you as the same way Mr. CEO. Youâre a man who accomplished a lot on your own and you deserve it all. I canât believe Iâm saying this but I admire you a lot.â You hide your face instantly. âNow if you ever bring it out again⊠Iâll just-â
Jiminâs laugh cut you off. âOkay. But are you serious like, you donât think that-â
âNo, Park. Stop it.â You raise your head back again to kiss him shut. Pull away. âWhy the sudden engagement, tho?â Not that you want to ruin the mood but you have to ask.Â
âThe video. We got rid of everything before it reaches the public but there are some higher profiles who've seen it. Not that anyone recognizes you but theyâre questioning. And there were some people in the club that day, kids of those rich assholes. People are apparently talking and itâs not good on anyoneâs reputation. Especially Kim's. I donât know if you know this but Liya is not his blood-â
âI do. I just happened to know.â
âOkay. So, heâs doing his utmost best to keep everything under the carpet and to keep his image spotless. He doesnât want any rumors around his daughter. The sole heir to the Kimâs group. If one thing comes to the surface, itâs only a matter of time until everything does. If anyone ever finds out that shit, thatâs not going to go well with his businesses. So, he wants the rumors to stop fast. And they think an engagement would solve the problem before it gets bigger.â
You feel a clench in your heart. Yet just nod. Jiminâs the one who kisses you this time. âIâm not doing that. Iâll come up with something. I mean I donât know what yet but Iâll not get engaged to Liya. This is not the eighteenth century and they canât force things on me.â
âBut what if they threatened to pull out?â
âThey wonât. Iâm really not going to use the fact that Liya is not his real daughter. Thatâs such a low blow. Liya and I- we have history and theyâve helped me somehow. But still Iâm gonna use that to make the engagement delayed if needed. I know thatâs such a shitty thing to do but I refuse to become a puppet.âÂ
âOkay. This is so fucked up, but thank you for telling me. It feels good to be in the light.â
âYeah?â
âYes.â
âYou donât think Iâm such a shitty person?â
âWell, youâre an asshole but not shitty. When I say youâre an asshole, I say it affectionately. But Jimin,â He hums in question. âWhat does Liya get from all this? Is she just worried about the reputation? Like can it cause that much harm? If you broke up with her?â
âIt can. People can be nasty. Especially when it comes to famous people. They will take any opportunity to drag someone down.â
âSo, it isnât because she loves you.âÂ
Jimin scoffs at that. âNo. Hell, no. Maybe she loved me back then but not anymore. I donât even know why she chose me. The college fuck boy. I was a mess and a disaster. I was the trouble but I pulled the queen. I donât know why she dated me. I loved her, though.â You have to look away to hide the way it makes a tiny pang in your chest.Â
âWhat happened then?â Yet ask nonetheless.Â
âI donât know. All I know is that weâre no longer in love and just trying to use each other. I want to stop that. She doesnât.â
It makes sense. They are in a convenient relationship. Which is messy and complicated. And you understand Jimin completely. So, you just nod at his next question. Agree completely.Â
âSo, just give me time, hm? I know itâs hard but uh.. Just a little time. Thatâs all I want and I promise the moment I figure this shit out, weâre gonna find a way to keep you in my life.â
You donât question why he wants that. You know that you want to keep going because you like him. Maybe more than that. Youâre so whipped. But whatâs his reasons? And you donât think about all the complications that would come up and the things youâd have to sacrifice, if you chose to keep living this way. Or if you decide to stay in this world. If itâs even possible. Youâll have to solve one problem at a time, after all.Â
Youâll not question for now.
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ.
Jimin ends his call with Hoseok right at the moment you enter the study. After showering together he had left you to dry your hair to take care of the hundreds of missed calls heâd received for the past few hours. Hoseokâs was about an art exhibition. A fundraiser. Hoseok wants all of them to attend since itâs the perfect opportunity for networking. They might even be able to land a new deal for a new sponsor. Who knows? And the event is apparently happening in the gallery where Namjoonâs girlfriend works. Even though Jimin doesnât want to see them right now, heâs no fool to turn down the opportunities.Â
âHey.â You softly mumble as you walk toward him. Just in one of his hoodies and nothing else. You look content. And he loves to see you content.Â
âHey!â Jimin mumbles back to you. Spreads his arms so you can fall right between them. You do. Like youâve come home. âEverything okay?â Ask him in such an adorable voice that Jiminâs heart does skip a beat, literally.Â
âYep. Hobi is making us attend a fundraiser.â Jimin answers your question. You withdraw from him, nodding in understanding. Donât ask any more questions as you just drag your eyes across the study. Stop on one of his opened drawers. Jimin follows your vision. His own gaze dropping inside the drawer. Finding out exactly what catches your attention. And itâs too late when he notices that and jumps into action. You let out a shriek before you successfully grab the picture.
âHoly shit!â You exclaim. Amused. While Jimin feels mortified. Itâs a picture of him and Taehyung. Back from the college days. First year. Just barely eighteen. He has no idea what the fuck they were doing, dressed up like two lunatics. It was taken during a party for sure. And they both look extremely stupid.Â
âGive that back.â Jimin states calmly. You donât give a fuck after all. Just turn around facing your back to him.Â
âHow old were you?â You question. Inspecting the picture. Jimin rounds you to look at your glinting eyes. âDoesnât matter. Oh God, thatâs so embarrassing. Give it back, Spring Roll.âÂ
You ignore him. Just coo at the picture. âYou look tiny.â
âNo I do not. I had the same body back then. Girls were dying for my abs.â
âDid they? What about your eyeliner, tho?â You quirk brow in challenge. Know what youâre doing. Jimin groans. You giggle prettily. âAnd itâs blue.â Add as if he doesnât know it. âWhy the hell are you wearing a blue eye liner in here, Park.âÂ
âC'mere you little gremlin.â Jimin stretches his arm to catch you which you dodge skilfully. Take a few steps back. Jimin doesnât give up, however. He lunges forward again. You yelp as you try to run away from him. This time you fail. Jimin catches you successfully but you hide the picture behind you. Keep it hidden even when he picks you up and puts you on the table. âOh câmon, give it back you idiot. Why would you even need that?â So, he whines. You press your lips into the tip of his nose. There goes his heart skipping beats again. He feels warm. Inside, out.Â
âBecause youâre so adorable in that. Can I keep it?â
âWhy?â
âJust so I can keep it.â You pout. Puppy eyes. Jimin is becoming weak. Oh, he is weak. âWill you promise me not to show it to anyone?â Heâd give up eventually anyway. No use of fighting and dragging this up. You nod excitedly. Look so damn beautiful. âOkay, deal. But I need something in return too.â Jimin adds causing your face to fall. Heâs a businessman after all. Heâs good at deals.Â
âWhat?â
âLetâs keep that spot empty. Iâll come up with something creative in the future.â You grumble but agree anyway. Jimin just smiles and captures your lips in his. He just wants to be close. Every way possible. Canât help but touch you. You taste good. You feel good. Drives him mad. You pull away first. A soft smile on your lips.Â
âOkay, what are you getting at? Havenât you had enough?â
âWhat are you talking about?â Jimin feigns ignorance causing you to palm his hardened length through his sweats. A low groan erupts from his throat.Â
âIâm talking about this.â You squeeze him. Well, he canât help it. Canât have enough. His hips buck into your touches involuntarily.Â
âWell, you wanted to get pregnant.â Jimin teases you, reveling in the way you audibly whimper. Just for a second, though. You compose yourself rather fast for his liking.Â
âStop getting obsessed, Park.â You gasp. Tease. Wait till he denies. But then Jimin doesnât want to deny it. So, he just spreads your legs rough. Finding your bare core already glistening with arousal. Youâre the one to talk. He doesnât point it out, though. Just kisses you again. Pulls away to whisper against your lips.Â
âToo late, Spring Roll. Iâm already obsessed.âÂ
Oh, how he loves the way you gasp. The way your breath hitch. And he means his words. Because thatâs what he is. Obsessed. With you. Utterly deeply madly obsessed with you.Â
âAre you too sore, baby? Can you take me again?â He asks cautiously. You just nod, like he knew you would.Â
âJust go slow.â You spread your legs even wider.
âOf course, love.â
Such a shame that heâs focusing on your cunt.Â
Such a shame how he doesnât notice the way you look at him.Â
âŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠâŠ..
Finally, after weeks of torment, life feels good again. With Jimin. With Jungkook. With your friends in both worlds. You feel relaxed after knowing what makes Jimin, Jimin. You feel valued and important after knowing Jimin trusted you enough to let you in. Sure, there's still no answers to his problems. Heâs still a taken man and you're still being the bitch of your own story. Fucking a man in a relationship, despite everything that happened to you. But then, you think thereâs hope now. Not that Jiminâs story justifies all your actions. Yet you can hope for a moment that youâd get to do it the right way.Â
Even when you donât get to see Jimin often now, life still feels good. You wonât go back to work at RUN again. No. The biggest favor you can do everyone is keeping your distance. Still, you find solace in his little texts. Thatâs enough. Youâll find a solution to everything soon. You trust Jimin.Â
Then thereâs Jungkook. Being the Jungkook you always knew. Youâre oh so relieved when he agreed to let what happened slip. Agreed that it happened because both of you were emotional and drunk. He still won't side with Jimin. Never. But heâd be on your side. Forever. His own words. Then you had convinced Key to go on that date with Chan. Everything is going pretty fine. Youâre in such a good mood that youâve been waltzing instead of walking for the past few days.Â
Everything is good. You donât think anything would be able to ruin your good mood at all. Even when you find yourself at the fundraiser Jimin told you about a few days ago. Even when you know Jimin would probably attend this with Liya. You think youâll be able to handle it. Knowing his story, you know itâs just a pretense. Of course, you can handle it.Â
See, life is thriving. Youâre back into going to these kinds of special events which a college girl has no business being in. It just happened because of Yoona apparently. It's the gallery she works at. And they are apparently allowed to bring in guests. More guests mean more funds. Yet you know, youâre not the kind of guests they want here. But whoâd care in the end. You and Jungkook are here on the extended invitation by Yoona. J is here as the date of Jin. Youâre all here to have a good time. Even though you canât find Jungkook anywhere in your sight at this moment.Â
Youâre standing at a corner table with Taehyung. All glammed up. Feeling nervous since youâre not used to visiting such events.Â
âYou know who that is?â Taehyung asks you, pointing at an old man casually talking with Hoseok. You shake your head. âThatâs the minister of culture.â He states. You gasp.Â
âYah! Really? Please remind me what the fuck Iâm doing here again?â
âSame thing as me honey. Just wasting your time.â
You chuckle at his comment. You spend a lot more time with Taehyung these days. He comes over to Jungkookâs quite often. Saying youâre surprised would be an understatement. Jungkookâs sudden change of behaviour toward Taehyung makes you more than surprised.Â
âI thought this is an opportunity for you. Jimin mentioned something about a new sponsor or something.â You look around the hall. To search if the said guy is here. Apparently not yet. Taehyung just clicks his tongue. Retrieves two new champagne flutes from a passerby server. Hands you over one.Â
âIâm bad at that. I always get distracted by women.â He sips from his drink before continuing. You scrunch up your nose at that. âThatâs why we have Jin and Hobi. Look at them, doing a god damn great job.â Gestures at the said people. You catch J walking toward you at the same time. Pouting.Â
âBoring. This shit is boring as hell man.â She whines just as she reaches your table. Steal your champagne flute. You decide not to say anything.Â
âTell us about it. I just want to go home and watch a movie.â Taehyung agrees with his whole heart. You ignore him when you turn to J.
âWhereâs Kookie?â
She shrugs. âNo idea. I think heâs annoying Yoongi. He really wants to be Yoongiâs editor, you know?â You chuckle at the mental image of Jungkook pestering an annoyed Yoongi.Â
âMaybe I should give up this job and start a vlog. What do you, pretty women, think?â Taehyung butts in.
âWe think youâd make the perfect cam boy.â J states with a straight face. Nods in confirmation. Now you donât know what she expects Taehyungâs reaction would be. But you expect it fully when he beams. Excited. A little too much.
âExactly. I knew I would be. Jimin didnât let me pursue my dream job.â
âYah! Seriously?â J quips exasperatedly.Â
âYeahâŠâ Taehyung sighs heavily. âItâs so fucking unfair isnât it? Everyone should have the right to pursue their dreams.â Sips from his drink again. J gives Taehyung a look that is torn between annoyance and amusement. You donât think thatâs what she asked by âseriouslyâ. You snort very unpleasantly at her expression when Taehyung continues. âBut if I have been a cam boy, you two ladies would be my biggest fans,â He lets out a dreamy sigh. You and J both roll your eyes. âAnd of course youâll pay me tons of money. And Iâll do my best to satisfy you both.âÂ
âWe wonât pay you shit Taehyung. Thatâs a lot of over-fucking-condifident there. Why would you be so sure about that? Like do you have a monster cock or something?â J scoffs. Wrong move. Taehyung is the last person you should talk about cocks with. Too late, however. He smirks cockily. Wiggles his eyebrows playfully.
âI donât know, do I? Maybe⊠Wanna see?âÂ
You fake gag when J clicks her tongue. âNo thanks, no monster cock would be able to compete with Jinâs.â J looks away from Taehyung to Jin. You think sheâs fascinating to be able to just not give a fuck about what anyone thinks. Sheâs so bold to admit that she likes Jin. Even though Jin doesnât do the same. Sheâs obviously so smitten for the man and does nothing to hide it.Â
Taehyung takes great offense in that, it seems. âYah! Thatâs so not true.â
âIt is true.âÂ
âWanna bet?â
âHell yes. How much?âÂ
You look back and forth between your two friends. A headache is starting to form. You think Taehyung learnt to put bets on everything from Jungkook. He says something about 20 000 Won. And J agrees. You feel mortified.Â
âGosh guys, will you stop?â You bow in apology to an old man who just walks past you.Â
âNo. She insulted my precious item and I need justice.â
âEww donât call it a precious item.â J counters.
âWhy not? It is precious. Now Iâm about to show you and prove you wrong.â
âFucking stop, you guys.â You slap Taehyungâs hand which he just puts on his belt buckle. âNobody wants to see your fucking dick, Tae.â You hiss.Â
âNo. No, let him Li. This is my chance to earn an easy 20 000.â
âOh my god J, donât fucking encourage him. Heâll do it for real.â You groan in annoyance and mild horror. Knowing Taehyung, youâre eighty percent positive that heâd do that. Taehyung chuckles. Says something about how good you know him when you suddenly catch a flash of blond in the corner of your eye. You stop trying to keep Taehyungâs hands away from his pants to turn around and find the man you wanted to see.Â
Park Jimin.
In his iconic black suit. That damn earring back on one of his ears and smiling widely. Bowing to someone older. You feel your lips spread into a huge grin at his sight. He makes small talk with a few people before his eyes scan the room. Land on your corner table. A similar kind of a grin spreading across his own face. And oh, heâs alone. Thereâs no woman tangled up in his side. You scan the room quickly to find the said woman. Feel giddy when youâre unable to spot her anywhere. Jimin bows to the man heâs talking to and starts stepping toward your table. Almost waves to you when a sudden voice behind you interrupts.Â
You think you saw Jiminâs smile suddenly drop and his face darken just before you turn around to see whoâs the owner of the voice.Â
âThere you are, Honey. I was looking for you everywhere. That author is here- Owen someone and I want you to meet him. Câmon.â
Youâre met with a middle aged woman. Her words donât exactly register with you but you take her appearance in one go. And you freeze.Â
âMom?â You whisper in confusion.Â
Mother.
This is your mother. The woman who gave birth to you. But looks far younger. All glammed up and in a black dress. Eyes bright. Not a single grey hair on the sight. Skin glowing.Â
This is your mother.Â
But somethingâs odd.Â
âYes. Letâs go Liya, before your father can find him.â She mumbles.Â
And it hits you like a flash of lightning. Youâre not in your world. Your mother canât be here. This is not your mother.Â
Liya.Â
A painful pang erupts in your chest. Shoots across your body. Not unbearable but itâs definitely there.Â
This is Liyaâs mother and she just mistook you for her child. You open your mouth stupidly but before you can say anything Taehyung steps in.
âHey, this is ridiculous. I mean it's one thing when other people canât tell them apart but their own mother? Thatâs such a rude thing to do to your own daughter Mrs. Kim.âÂ
You turn your head slowly toward Taehyung. Feeling like your body is growing weaker by every passing second. Taehyung is scowling at Liyaâs mother. Displeasure evident in his features.Â
âWhat?â The older woman scowls deeper than Taehyung. âWhat are you talking about Taehyung? I have no time for your stupid jokes. Câmon LIya. This is your opportunity. She grabs from your wrist. And the pain intensifies when she calls you Liya, yet again. You feel nauseous. So close to bend down from pain.Â
âReally? How come a mother canât recognize her own children apart?â Taehyung doesnât let her off the hook that easily.Â
Oh, gosh, this is turning into a nightmare for you. The pain is becoming unbearable. Your sight is turning blurr. Youâre trying so bad not to clutch your chest. Liyaâs mother gives Taehyung an odd look. This is not good.Â
âWhat on the earth are you talking about? What children?â She questions. Visibly irritated.
âYour children. How can you not identify your own daughters apart?âÂ
Oh, you want to throw up. How are you ever going to explain this to Taehyung and J.Â
âWhat daughters Taehyung? Are you drunk this early into the event?â Liyaâs mother clicks her tongue in disapproval. âThatâs such a lowly-â The rest of her words drowns by a loud ring in your ears. Pain in your chest doubles up unbearably. You almost give up and bend down in pain when you feel a pair of hands wrap around you. Then you hear the familiar soothing voice. Like itâs from a dream.
âHi Mrs. Kim.â
âOh Jimin-ah, good thing youâre here. Your friend is drunk.â
âI-Iâm not drunk.â Taehyung protests but no one pays him any mind.
âYeah? Ah- Iâll take care of him later. Iâll just need my girlfriend for a minute.â You feel Jimin slowly pulling you into him. Tears are starting to prick your eyes. It hurts. Oh, it hurts.Â
âNo. No. Thereâs this author she needs to meet. Right Liya?â She turns her attention to you again. And freeze. Probably taking in your appearance.Â
âWhy do you keep calling her, Liya?â Thatâs a female voice. You guess itâs J. Liyaâs mother ignores her completely.Â
âOh my god, are you alright, honey? Youâre pale.â Instead she cups your face immediately. And everyone breaks into a sudden chaos.Â
âOf fuck! Are you okay, Li?â
âWhatâs happening?â
âItâs just like that day at Jungkookâs?â
âWe need to call an ambulance.â
âOh my god, oh my god. Liya, talk to me honey. Whatâs happening? Where does it hurt?â
You donât know whoâs saying what. Every time the name âLiyaâ slips through her mothers lips you feel like youâre a step closer to your death. You give up trying to hide your pain. Shouldâve fallen down onto the floor if it wasnât for the tight grip Jimin is having around you.
âNo. Guys sheâs fine. Just let me take her somewhere private.â Jimin tries in vain to take you away from the three concerned people. But then you hear a new unfamiliar voice too.Â
âOh, hi Liya!â
Itâs turning dark.
âThis is my fiance. This is Kim Liya honey⊠wait are you okay?â
Thatâs all you hear. Everything goes black. You fall into Jiminâs hands. Everything goes into a pitch black stillness. Yet then you swear you saw a mop of silver hair. And a pair of lifeless eyes. So, you know you heard someone mumbling against your ear.Â
âYou should've heed my warning, little thing. You just put yourself in this misery and you know whatâs going to happenâŠâ
Itâs just darkness. Painful darkness.Â
âYouâre about to turn into ashes andâŠ.â
Jimin, you need Jimin.Â
âThis is itâŠâ
All you need is Jimin.Â
âThe beginning of the END.âÂ
..............................................................................................................................
a/n- Leave a note if you enjoyed this one!
..............................................................................................................................
Taglist - @chimmy-licious @graydolan12 @smoljimjim @likemeforme @sugas-baby-girl @canarystwin @jkayy @floboo6 @sunshinenmidnight @fiddlebiddls @unlikelycheesecakeenthusiast @mar-lo-pap @angelicsmilesworld @jimincrystal @datspjm @shakes0peare @butterymin @angellekookie @futuristicenemychaos @minijagiya @anumita-2007 @joulekanitz @llallaaa @fancypeacepersona @annyeongbitch7
#bts#park jimin#iau#bts smut#smut bts#jimin smut#park jimin smut#bts angst#bts fanfction#bts fantasy au#bts fic#bts fanfic#bts fluff#jungkook smut#jimin angst#jimin fluff#jimin fic#jimin fanfiction#jimin fanfic#bts series#jungkook angst
73 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dumbledore is a little full of himself
Like, I read Tales of Beedle the Bard, and I was struck by how Dumbledore comments on his own cleverness and knowledge in his notes incredibly often:
This prejudice eventually died out in the face of overwhelming evidence that some of the worldâs most brilliant wizards(3) were, to use the common phrase, âMuggle-loversâ. [...] 3 Such as myself.
(Albus Dumbledore on âThe Wizard and the Hopping Potâ)
I think I may say, without vanity, that both my Fountain and my Hill performed the parts allotted to them with simple goodwill. Alas, that the same could not be said of the rest of the cast.
(Albus Dumbledore on âThe Fountain of Fair Fortuneâ)
Even I, Albus Dumbledore, would find it easiest to refuse the Invisibility Cloak; which only goes to show that, clever as I am, I remain just as big a fool as anyone else.
(Albus Dumbledore on âThe Tale of the Three Brothersâ)
The guy can hardly talk about anything without talking about how smart and wise and brilliant he is. Like, no humility whatsoever.
In the books, everyone keeps singing his praises like Dumbledore can do no wrong and the only one who keeps saying Dumbledore can be wrong is Harry. And even then, in Harry's limbo vision of King's Cross, which I don't think is really Dumbledore, it's telling Harry envisions him saying something like this:
âAnd you knew this? You knew â all along?â âI guessed. But my guesses have usually been good,â said Dumbledore happily
(DH, Ch35)
Dumbledore doesn't speak to Harry all that often throughout the series, with book 6 being the one he interacts with him the most. And we see that even in conversations with people, Dumbledore loves to hear how wise and great he is. When he says "I might be mistaken" it's with the tone of "I'm right and everyone else is wrong". Which is usually the case often enough, yes (though not always), but he does it a lot, and I found it interesting how often he uses this phrasing and how smug he seems about it:
And then Dumbledore called out from the back row where he stood with the other teachers â âAha! Unless I am very much mistaken, the delegation from Beauxbatons approaches!â (GOF)
âI may be wrong,â said Dumbledore pleasantly, âbut I am sure that under the Wizengamot Charter of Rights, the accused has the right to present witnesses for his or her case? Isnât that the policy of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Madam Bones?â he continued, addressing the witch in the monocle. (OotP)
âPayment?â said Harry. âYouâve got to give the door something?â âYes,â said Dumbledore. âBlood, if I am not much mistaken.â (HBP)
Dumbledore uses this phrasing when he knows what he is saying is correct. He is saying it not because he thinks he might actually be wrong. When he actually thinks he is wrong, he makes excuses and tries to reason why the decision he made was actually reasonable at the time:
âHarry, I owe you an explanation,â said Dumbledore. âAn explanation of an old manâs mistakes. For I see now that what I have done, and not done, with regard to you, bears all the hallmarks of the failings of age. Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young ... and I seem to have forgotten lately...â
(OotP)
He is incapable of saying: "I was wrong, it happens, let's move on," it has to come with reasoning or an excuse. He blames it on his age, not that he made a wrong judgment call. This isn't humbleness.
Dumbledore is a character who wants to be humble but just isn't. he considers modesty a virtue. Hell, humility is practically his favorite trait Harry possess:
Harry, who could not see any way out of this without flatly lying, nodded but still said nothing. Slughorn beamed at him. âSo modest, so modest, no wonder Dumbledore is so fond â you were there, then?
(HBP) - Slughorn mentions how Dumbledore appreciates modesty.
The third brother in the story (âthe humblest and also the wisestâ) is the only one who understands that, having narrowly escaped Death once, the best he can hope for is to postpone their next meeting for as long as possible.
(Albus Dumbledore on âThe Tale of the Three Brothersâ)
He appreciates being humble and modest and sees it as being wise. He derides Tom for thinking of himself as "special" or "clever" even when it's true (and when he does the same). He loves Harry's modesty, which is really low self-esteem, not modesty. Harry's low self-worth is like the ultimate humbleness in Dumbledore's eyes because he doesn't see it for what it is and he was never humble in his life, so he doesn't really know where the balance between confidence and arrogance is or the line between modesty and low self-worth. I think he honestly doesn't know because he is exceptionally arrogant.
Dumbledore created this image of ineffability around him and it's clear Harry is one of the only people (besides Dumbledore and Aberforth) who knows Dumbledore can make a mistake and he keeps reminding Hermione, Lupin, and literally everyone else of that fact:
âPeople have said it, many times. It comes down to whether or not you trust Dumbledoreâs judgment. I do; therefore, I trust Severus.â âBut Dumbledore can make mistakes,â argued Harry. âHe says it himself. And youâ â he looked Lupin straight in the eye â âdo you honestly like Snape?â
(HBP)
This is all another case of Dumbledore being incapable of practicing what he preaches. He values modesty, but he doesn't seem to be capable of it.
Now, I'm not saying he isn't clever or special, he is. But he is the type of really smart person who looks down on anyone they don't see as intelligent as them. He doesn't see most people as equal to him.
Dumbledore doesn't see most of the Order or Aberforth as his equals. He never did. Elphias Doge kisses his ass, but Dumbledore clearly doesn't share the same level of respect for him. Or for most people, really.
âElphias Doge mentioned her to us,â said Harry, trying to spare Hermione. âThat old berk,â muttered Aberforth, taking another swig of mead. âThought the sun shone out of my brotherâs every office, he did. Well, so did plenty of people, you three included, by the looks of it.â Harry kept quiet. He did not want to express the doubts and uncertainties about Dumbledore that had riddled him for months now. [...] âGrindelwald. And at last, my brother had an equal to talk to someone just as bright and talented as he was. And looking after Ariana took a backseat then, while they were hatching all their plans for a new Wizarding order and looking for Hallows, and whatever else it was they were so interested in.
(DH)
Dumbledore doesn't trust the majority of the Order with anything because he doesn't think they'd be capable of handling it because they're not him. He literally tells them nothing until he has to, keeping them busy guarding a prophecy he knows can't be stolen by a run-of-the-mill Death Eater. He only tells Harry about the Horcruxes because he has no choice but to tell him. Same with Snape â Dumbledore trusts him out of necessity.
Snape and Grindelwald are the only people we see Dumbledore show respect towards their abilities, wisdom, and magic in some capacity.
Like, he calls Sirius clever, but he talks about him as foolish in the same breath. He calls McGonagall wise, but he clearly doesn't think she's wise enough to be told anything or trusted with anything. And while he does speak highly of Harry's courage and humility and though Harry is insanely powerful and with the right training could beat Dumbledore, Dumbledore keeps putting him down when it comes to magical abilities/intelligence compared to himself:
âIâm not upset.â âHarry, you were never a good Occlumens â â
(HBP) - even though Harry can and does get really good at it once he does it his way.
âI do not think you will count, Harry: You are underage and unqualified. Voldemort would never have expected a sixteen-year-old to reach this place: I think it unlikely that your powers will register compared to mine.â
(HBP)
I find this tendency of Dumbledore to be really interesting. He underestimates people constantly and thinks too highly of himself. and he is very honest about it to people's faces. He keeps talking about how Voldemortâs defenses on his Horcruxes are shit, and how Voldemort is foolish when the curse Voldemort left on the ring is literally killing him at that very moment:
âI do not think you will count, Harry: You are underage and unqualified. Voldemort would never have expected a sixteen-year-old to reach this place: I think it unlikely that your powers will register compared to mine.â These words did nothing to raise Harryâs morale; perhaps Dumbledore knew it, for he added, âVoldemortâs mistake, Harry, Voldemortâs mistake ... Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth. ... Now, you first this time, and be careful not to touch the water.â
(HBP)
Dumbledore thinking himself so clever, more clever than Voldemort, is what killed him. His arrogant insistence that he's the smartest man in the room killed him. He is undermining Voldemort for mistakes similar to the ones he makes regularly when interacting with Harry. And he's aware of that. He knows he's a hypocrite:
When I discovered it, after all those years, buried in the abandoned home of the Gauntsâthe Hallow I had craved most of all, though in my youth I had wanted it for very different reasonsâI lost my head, Harry. I quite forgot that it was now a Horcrux, that the ring was sure to carry a curse. I picked it up, and I put it on, and for a second I imagined that I was about to see Ariana, and my mother, and my father, and to tell them how very, very sorry I was . . . âI was such a fool, Harry. After all those years I had learned nothing. I was unworthy to unite the Deadly Hallows. I had proved it time and again, and here was the final proof.â
(DH) - Dumbledore's portrait
I think Dumbledore's self-awareness is why he wants to like Harry as much as he does. While I don't think Dumbledore knows Harry as well as he thinks he does, what Dumbledore does see is enough for him to imagine Harry in his head as this perfect, virtuous martyr that he wished all his life to portray himself as. He idealizes who he imagines Harry is without fully respecting Harry as his own person with his own abilities.
I just find it interesting that for a character who speaks so highly of humility, he doesn't seem to possess it, and that it ends up being the death of him.
#harry potter#hp#hp meta#hollowedtheory#harry potter meta#albus dumbledore critical#albus dumbledore#character analysis
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
Uika in Ave Mujica episode 4
For episodes 1-3 of the Ave Mujica anime, I felt like while there was definitely stuff going on with Uika that's worth unpacking, the scenes were straightforward enough in what they wished to convey that I didn't feel like they warranted explanation. Episode 4 has completely turned my view of this character on its head though. It feels as if her every word and action in this episode completely contradicts what we knew of her prior. What is going on with her?
I wanted to talk about her in a longform post, so here I am. This is maybe half analysis, half just me rambling my thoughts on what's happening on screen.
DISCLAIMER: If you're not familiar with the way I discuss this character, let me make it clear now that I absolutely love her! This post is essentially a love poem dedicated to how fantastic I think her writing is. That said my tone here might come off a bit sharp, because of how contradictory she is (which I say as a compliment) and how I want to grab her by the scruff and shake her until she tells me what's going on inside that head of hers. Just wanted to mention something before anyone gets the impression I'm criticizing her or the writing when I'm doing nothing of the sort.
Her first moment happens and immediately a lot stands out to me
First: the models in this anime fall under two specifications, girls who always have a blush programmed in and girls who don't. For instance, Sakiko has one so she's always blushing no matter her mood. Uika doesn't. But throughout this entire episode, she does. Why? Why is she so... eerily happy, in a way we have never seen her before?
Secondly, what is her aim here? Sakiko expressed her discomfort with everyone's attitudes, and rather than just being "Sakiko's second voice" as she has been up until now (take the episode 3 fight as an example), she's taking everyone else's side. Her actions are already in total contradiction with the Uika we've seen up until now, who didn't care about anything except easing Sakiko's feelings
Then this happens. Uika is basically in la-la land daydreaming about having her destiny tied to Sakiko's forever (especially because Nyamu points out that sounds like something Sakiko would say), yet she's ignoring her beloved who sits on the other side of the table
Uika, do you really love Mujica as it is when Sakiko's expressing to you directly that she's unhappy?
Ironically, when she does acknowledge Sakiko directly, it only leads to further frustration for Sakiko
Because she's focusing on the wrong thing. She's more worried about Sakiko's exhaustion from writing songs (which is something she can physically see, thus easily pick up on) rather than Sakiko's concerns with the band (which is something she'd have to actually stop to think about). It really feels like she doesn't understand Sakiko at all. How much does she actually stop to think about her feelings? How surface leveled, rose-colored lens does she view her?
Her actions here scream, "well, so long as I get to stay with Sakiko, I don't actually care if she's happy," regardless of if that's her intent. Sometimes your inner feelings aren't enough, Uika. Sakiko is actively looking miserable in front of you and what are you doing about it?
Are you really just going to leave without saying anything to her? You express concern when halfway out the door, yet when face to face with Sakiko, you act like nothing is wrong?
Again, yes, Sakiko is exhausted, but that's not all there is to it Uika. And she hasn't exactly been subtle about what she's worried about!
Mortis keeps the focus of the conversation to Sakiko having to write all the scripts (thus prompting Uika to point out that she's been pulling all-nighters and maybe that's the problem), but I quite like this line, as there's a lot to unpack here
ćăŻăăăăăźç”¶ćŻŸèŠăăȘăăŁăăźă«
The translation gets the idea across fine to be clear, but in Japanese, there's an emphasis on the "never" part. It feels unthinkable to Uika that Sakiko would perhaps lash out, or show her exhaustion to the others. Kind of putting a mental pin in this because that's not the impression we, the viewers, have seen from prior episodes (Sakiko in this episode was acting incredibly in line with what we've seen of her already in this anime), so I wonder where Uika got this idea from. It makes you wonder just what Uika's impression of "normal" or "prior" Sakiko is
This line is genuinely sweet of her, if not a bit ironic because Uika's already absolutely overworking herself for Sakiko, which Sakiko pointed out in episode 1 (a lot of the officially published interviews have been pointing this out over and over too, just as a side note). They really want to ease each other's burdens...
Yeah, we're not even being subtle about Uika having to "borrow" ways to cheer people up anymore
I actually noticed this about her even back in It's MyGO. When Uika comforted Tomori in episode 10, it was eerily close to what Sakiko did in episode 3. Tomori even associated Uika's actions as being reminiscent of Sakiko's behavior. I had no evidence about Uika copying what Sakiko did then (I don't... think? know? that Uika saw Sakiko's meeting with Tomori and thus could copy it), but now? There's evidence that perhaps her acts of generosity are in fact just things she's imitating from others. If you're curious about the It's MyGO example of this, I highly recommend watching this for yourself
Oh, I'll also mention that in my pre-anime analysis post for Uika, I mentioned she probably doesn't "shine" at all as an idol without Mana, and she more or less just confirmed that for us
Again there's a lot to unpack with this part
Hoo boy. Let's go back an episode. In episode 3, Uika was feeling insecure about the fact Sakiko "knew" Mutsumi "very well since they were kids." She looked visibly bothered by it before changing the topic. So hearing from "Mutsumi" herself that "Actually, you're the one closest to Sakiko, not me" must be making her day. Mortis is actively using Uika's affection for Sakiko against her (well, for the sake of the band, but she's still manipulating (for lack of a better word) her regardless). It's a bit harrowing when you realize that Uika's happy that her "competition" for being close with Sakiko is dead, despite her not realizing Mutsumi more or less is dead at this point...
Moving on to the scene in her apartment, my only addition here is... well, it sure is something how the only things she said to Sakiko were what Mortis told her to say. She has no lines here that weren't just parroting advice. Is that really all you have to say to your beloved?
This is an interesting comment from her
Because there's a couple ways you could interpret this. Is Uika referring to the "stiff" expression, or the close proximity? We know for Sumimi, she views herself as having a "terrible expression" (when Mana's not around to change her energy), but it's also not lost on me that it could also be referring to "my image of Sumimi [where we take photos together in close proximity]"
Sakiko's reaction to this is what makes it so meaningful to me
Nyamu and the photographers are saying "this doesn't look like Mujica at all, but that's a good thing," which Sakiko is obviously displeased about. Why would going against Mujica's worldview be a good thing? And yet... even Uika, who founded the band with her and who writes all their songs, is saying she likes the photo. Once again, Uika is completely disregarding Sakiko's feelings despite how close she is to her. Physically, they're almost close enough to brush shoulders, but emotionally, I don't think Sakiko's ever felt further from her. The betrayal in her face and voice feels so obvious, yet Uika's still in la-la land like she was earlier in the episode and doesn't acknowledge it at all... we really can put ourselves in Sakiko's shoes throughout the whole episode, because truly, what is going through Uika's head?
Uika doing sweet gestures for Sakiko. This is the character I recognize!
It's not lost on me that 1. she has two umbrellas like she does in her apartment, and 2. there's this almost eerie focus on Uika making coffee for people. I say this because the opening itself has a shot of her mugs, there's that weirdly placed clip of coffee dripping in episode 2 (it's also in one of the trailers), the donut scene in episode 3, and now this. I'll be interested in seeing why this is so important to her
I do wish we had gotten to see the conversation Uika and Sakiko had here. Sakiko has a habit of brushing Uika off, but she was finally able to open up to her about something. They finally talked together amidst all of this miscommunication and not understanding one another, but we didn't get to see it... (which may be a sign they didn't really talk about much, but hey, I like my Uisaki crumbs where I can get them)
Thank you for the confirmation that Uika would be the first victim in a slasher film. Moving on
I love the way this comment is framed. If Sakiko left the band, who would be most hurt? Sakiko or Uika?
Uh oh. She's having her words used against her
What she said in episode 3 was honestly a bit careless* (she said it in front of Sakiko, who famously broke up Crychic by leaving it)... but she did have a point. She just wanted to articulate that Ave Mujica should be the 5 of them, and that surely they have a strong enough bond that if one of them left, they wouldn't be able to carry on and just "find a replacement," right? She's our kindhearted front of the band who loves everyone equally, right?
Well
(To clarify the translation, it's not super clear whether Uika said this directly to her, or if Mortis just hit the nail on the head)
Oops! Now that's an awkward position to be in, especially in front of Sakiko herself! Zero denial either...
(*I'll just tack this thought on here, but there's potential Uika's "Please don't hate me" line from the trailer could be because she feels guilt for having said the "if one member quits it's over" line (and thus bringing about the downfall of the band))
Last thing for this episode...
Same, Mortis. What? Why does she have no fight in her? Why doesn't she care? Why is she not saying anything? Are her feelings of guilt, embarrassment and self-hatred actually overpowering her drive to be with Sakiko? Is it over for her, now that the cat's out of the bag regarding the fact she only ever cared about the band to be with Sakiko?
I noticed she acted like a kicked puppy in episode 3 as well. When someone points out how selfish she actually is, she loses all her edge and goes quiet. She wants to escape the situation. She can't fight against what's true about her (the ugliness in her heart), after all, lest she drives herself into a corner as a hypocrite even more than she already has. But her reactions are fascinating to me, because you'd think the front of the band, and someone who swore her life to Sakiko out of profound love for her, would put up more of a fight to keep the band together so she can stay with her. She's not doing damage control at all, she's just taking the hits and all the impact that comes with it. Maybe it's some form of self harm...
(I'm also incredibly curious to know what Sakiko thought of all of this, but maybe that was the least of her concerns...)
Anyway, we'll see what happens next week. I wonder if and when we'll get closure on why she's been so apathetic to Sakiko, despite her claimed devotion for her. I get the impression Sakiko will be moving out (next episode?), so we'll have to see how she reacts to that...
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay so I wrote this with a completely empty head but now I have thoughts so uh, here you go
first the words, obviously.
"Two birds on a wire One tries to fly away And the other watches him close from that wire He says he wants to as well But he is a liar"
Pony was always the best of the entire gang okay, we know that. He was the one with the potential to escape Tulsa, to make something of his life, to go and do something the rest of them never could. He is trying to fly away from that wire.
Johnny however, can't leave Tulsa. As much as he talks about leaving with Pony, you kinda just get the feeling that he will never leave Tulsa, he's not that type of person. I mean his parents were terrible to him and he didn't leave them, just like how Tulsa was terrible to him, he won't leave it no matter what. He says he wants to leave that wire but he is a liar.
"Two birds on a wire One says, "C'mon" and the other says, "I'm tired" The sky is overcast and I'm sorry One more or one less Nobody's worried"
okay, so I didn't even know these lyrics exist when I originally made this post but holy crap I was even more right.
Pony wants to get out of Tulsa and he wants to take Johnny with him so bad, but Johnny is tired. He can't (or possibly won't as previously mentioned) get out of Tulsa, he's tired. Life has been hard,(the sky is overcast) and I'm sorry, one more or one less (Johnny dying holy crap) nobody's worried. Because when a hood dies nobody cares. I mean, isn't the world better off with one less problematic kid? Isn't it?
"Two birds of a feather Say that they're always gonna stay together But one's never going to let go of that wire He says that he will But he's just a liar"
i think this one is self explanatory, with past explanation. They say they'll make it out together, but Johnny was never gonna.
Now, lyric wise, this song is perfect, but one thing that isn't talked about a lot when comparing a dynamic/relationship/trope etc to a song is the actual melody throughout the song.
If you haven't heard the song or forgot how it goes and changes throughout, go listen to it now please.
At the start it's chill and pleasant, a little sad but nothing crazy, just the soft instrumentation in the background and soft staccato vocalization, chill. (the start of the book)
As it goes, it gets tenser and tenser, gaining harmonies *most of which aren't major) and gaining volume. (the murder, staying in the church)
Then it hits that climax where the vocal part splits off the melody, and goes up, creating that beautiful crashing chord that is the epitome of "Oh no" (the fire, the hospital, the rumble)
and then it stops.
it goes back to that start where it's sad and soft, everything is the same,
but its not.
"one tries to fly away and the other..."
pov two birds on a wire but it's johnny and ponyboy
#ponyboy curtis#the outsiders#dally winston#dallas winston#darry curtis#johnny cade#se hinton#the outsiders headcanons#ao3#ao3 fanfic#sodapop curtis#steve randle
76 notes
·
View notes
Note
honestly my thief Mc who already didnt exactly support the monarchy was just starting to trust namar, but with seeing that she just felt like all her worst fears were confirmed and is now terrified of the king. like especially knowing that her family is in the king's palace and thinking that they could get punished for anything she does, when she already feels distrusted for being a thief. she'll probably just avoid him for now and be on guard, but yeah, pretty terrified. ofc this could change in the future but it would take a pretty good explanation and a slow regain of trust
Interesting point of view đ
Although I would like to point something out.
The thief's family is, and always has been, very supportive of the current royal family, which is something you should probably keep in mind when roleplaying if you don't want inconsistencies between what you read on the page and your headcanon.
I'm all for freedom of choice when it comes to interactive fiction, but there are limits within the context of the story itself as to what your character can think and do. These main characters all come with their own history. They are not modern people thrown back in time. They are a product of their era. While I'm trying to give you as much freedom as I can, I am also going to respect the ideas and concepts of the environment that the story takes place in, even if some of them are fictional.
Of course, you can still play as a character who is scared of Narmer as a person. That's why I gave you the option to do so, and the story will acknowledge that too :)
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ways Ezlo is a jerk in LoZ Minish Cap
gets mad at Link for taking too long to rescue them
climbs onto Link's head without permission or proper explanation
does not translate the Minish language or direct Link towards somebody who knows Hylian, instead telling Link to find somebody himself
says Vaati has always been fascinated by evil
blames men (Hylians) for Vaati's downfall
constantly insults Link
in the English version straight up calls Link an idiot on load for "forgetting" what they are doing
pushes a child (Link) to save the entire kingdom (Minish Cap also takes place in the course of 1-2 days, 3 if you push it. I personally believe it is a one day quest, based on more shops opening by progression, like "this store opens at sunrise" "this one opens at 9am" "this one opens at 10am" kind of thing, which makes it funnier that this is one of a few games where you can sleep)
has no sympathy for a child (still Link) having their best friend turned to stone and nearly dying
there's probably more, but also Ezlo is my dad, so rip them to shreds with sympathy
I'm also kind of torn on how I feel about the end where they just fricken dip with a "here's a hat to remember me by" because like-- ouch, but also, they maybe couldn't have gone home otherwise(??? depends on how face-value you take what Ezlo and the other characters say, because a part of me thinks Ezlo lied to try, by some logic, to protect the Minish from Link trying to show everyone and accidentally showing somebody who shouldn't have been)
#anyway this post is getting longer than I meant#legend of zelda#legend of zelda minish cap#minish capp#link#zelda#ezlo#ezlo minish cap#the minish cap#link minish cap
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
maybe this is a hot take but if you truly believe there is no such thing as thought crimes, that has to include the terrible and incorrect things people think about you.
#I am as much telling this to myself#other people are allowed to be hurt by my behavior even if I did nothing wrong#and if I did nothing wrong then there is no responsibility on me to resolve the way they feel#the way I'm mentally ill is that I come up with logical justifications for negative thought patterns#not to think them but for why they're nonsense#I am at any moment ready to explain my behavior and it makes me less anxious to have a plan#and like. I don't need it. People won't demand to see my work for little stuff or even most bigger stuff#but there always has to be an explanation for what I'm doing or thinking#so i can sometimes trick myself into healthier thought patterns and behaviors by logicking out why the better way makes more sense#the point is someone's upset feelings are not a crime I did to them
1 note
·
View note
Text
I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.
#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell)#she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill#i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending#i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months#and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc#the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too#it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations#but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities#and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy#like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists#and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child#where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff.#i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either#or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers#they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for#(it just wasn't did)#they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help#but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties#the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies#but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo#aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam#did#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#ddnos#munchausen syndrome#mass psychogenic illness#ableism
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes you think that you're starting to get your life together and then you forget to wear pants to class and then you go "maybe not"
#i wish i had an explanation#i was hanging around in an oversized tshirt. as i always do.#and i was like I'm gonna put on my shorts just before i leave the house.#BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO#me putting on my docs looking myself over in the mirror: yep. outfit complete#i mean. at least the tshirt is long enough that no one could tell? *sigh*#i have no words for myself at this point#can i be even more of a disaster? i don't think so#but maybe i'm being too optimistic#this is the second time it's happened too#tea's ramblings#my friends heard about it. now tumblr has to hear about it
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm in a mood, so below are some more personal ramblings.
This hasn't come up recently, but I find that in this particular moment that I am thinking about it. And that is most people's perception of me, both in person and online. I find it so interesting that the general perception of me is this bright, bubbly personality that can lighten the mood with my smile. (Obviously this is extremely a generic description but it is apt. As I have been told it in some variation throughout my life.)
But quite literally since at least kindergarten, the two most common comments on my report cards throughout my school career were about how I was a delight to have in class and my smile always lit up the classroom with my particular knack for procrastination mentioned shortly after.
I've always been the one with a smile to the point where more than once in high school when I had a more neutral expression on my face, I had people ask me out of concern if something was wrong, when nothing was.
So anyways I do think that it's interesting that this perception of me even bleeds into how I come across online. That this "sunshine and rainbows" sort of positive personality shines through what I write and post, even though I feel like it doesn't always. But I've had more than one person make comments that say exactly that to some degree. Bright is often used.
And I guess why I'm thinking about this right now is because at the moment I certainly don't feel bright or bubbly. Right now I feel a touch lonely. Which aches across the chest.
A big problem I have though is that I like to bury and ignore that feeling sometimes. I will sometimes reach out to people, but will I admit to why I'm trying to contact anyone, no. Because why admit to loneliness or anything else? Not when you can bury them down deep. I'm not looking for any advice, because I know what the solution is. It's getting out there, reaching out to people whether I want to or not and going and doing something. (Here enters procrastination once again.)
Anyways I just needed to write that out currently. And now this can get lost in the void. Though I am up for a chat.
#midnight musing#but it's not midnight#I am always so amazed by anyone who just openly can explain or has the courage to post about the struggles they're going through#that has never not once been me ever even when I was little#so I think it's more of a personality thing than anything else because not asking or explaning a need has been frustrating to my parents#but then I was also an extremely cholicy baby and never fully out grew the temper tantrums for some things#I haven't had one in a long time but then there's also been no one messing around and moving my stuff all around without me either#which is what sets off temper tantrums from me these days#ah so back more on topic I have always worn my surface emotions on my sleeve and have been a rather open book but deeper things remain#more buried than something near the surface#loneliness and feeling down often don't get shown which is silly and it's not like it's not a known fact#that my mom and others on her side of the family have suffered from depression for a good part of their lives#...... ................. .............................. there are a few times throughout my life that I have wondered if I've suffered from#................................................... at least mild depression as early as high school#At the moment I don't think what I'm feeling is depression but just loneliness though that could dive into depression#low key hope that no one takes the time to read my soul bearing here as that need to keep it buried is strong#but I'm hoping that hiding some of this stuff in the tags will let me actually post this#instead of just hiding this in drafts never to be posted#because I do have a few of those#where I needed to write out how down I was feeling but didn't dare actually post them and impose on people
0 notes
Text
gonna show u guys a little opalescent highlight hack i threw together today
rainbow gradient above your main figure (i usually have all my main figure folders/layers in one big folder, so i can clip gradient maps + adjustments to it!). liquify tool to push the colors around a bit. STAY WITH ME I KNOW IT LOOKS STUPID RN I'M GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS
THEN: set it to add/glow (or the equivalent in ur drawing program), lower the opacity a bit, and apply a layer mask. then u can edit the mask with whatever tools you like to create rainbow highlights!!
in this case i'm mostly using the lasso fill tool to chip out little facets, but i've also done some soft airbrushing to bring in larger rainbow swirls in some areas. it's pretty subtle here, but you can see it better when i remove the gradient map that's above everything, since below i'm working in greyscale:
more granular rambling beneath the cut!
u could also just do this with a brush that has color jitter, but what i like about using layer masks for highlight/shading layers is how simple and reversible it makes everything. i can use whatever brushes i want, and erasing/redoing things is super low stakes, which is great when i often approach this stuff with a super trial-and-error approach.
example: have u ever thrown a gradient w multiple colors over an entire piece, set it to multiply etc, and then tried to erase it away to carve out shadows/highlights? it's super frustrating, bc it looks really good, but if u erase something and then change ur mind later, u basically would have to like. recreate the gradient in the area u want to cover up again. that's how i used to do things before figuring out layer masks!! but masking basically creates a version of this with INFINITE undo bc u can erase/re-place the base layer whenever u want.
anyway, back to rambling about this specific method:
i actually have TWO of these layers on this piece (one with the liquified swirls shown above, and another that's just a normal concentric circle gradient with much broader stripes) so i can vary the highlights easily as needed.
since i've basically hidden the rainbow pattern from myself, the colors in each brushstroke i make will kind of be a surprise, which isn't always great -- but easily fixable! for example, if i carve out a highlight and it turns out the rainbow pattern in that area is way too stripey, i can just switch from editing the mask to editing the main layer and blur that spot a bit.
also, this isn't a full explanation of the overall transparency effect in these screencaps! there's other layer stuff happening below the rainbow highlights, but the short version is i have all this character's body parts in different folders, each with their own lineart and background fill, and then the fill opacity is lowered and there's multiply layers clipped to that -- blah blah it's a whole thing. maybe i'll have a whole rundown on this on patreon later. uhhh i think that's it tho! i hope u get something useful out of this extremely specific thing i did lmao
12K notes
·
View notes
Text
playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there
#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think#nyarla dni#(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only)#listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is#his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b#wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha#she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives#in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh#GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK.#it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT.#and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters#anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed#he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him#hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry#dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired)#anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed#(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he#insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex#half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he#needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw#her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh#was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY#look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean.#but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i#you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never#let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH#and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her#and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM#look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it#was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave
1 note
·
View note
Note
imagine like simon goes into some sort of surgery and has to be put under anesthesia, and when he gets out hes like still high asf on it đ and hes being a lil silly goose
okay this is such a cute idea omg, this is 100% based off that tiktok audio where it's like "my wife wouldn't like you touching me like that" "i AM your wife."
thank you so much for the request nonnie, a forehead kiss for you MWAH MWAH
simon 'ghost' riley x reader
wc: 563
warnings: none really, lots and lots of that good ol fluff, mentions of surgery, goofy simon, maybe a little ooc simon (he's high so it's fine)
a/n: i hope this is okay, i'm feeling a bit rusty with my writing but i've finally got back some motivation and energy to do so after the past two months of low energy and bad mental health. if you guys want to know a bit more about it and my mental health (i don't see why anyone would but lmao) let me know, i don't mind making a post about it if you guys want an explanation of some sort or whatever. anywho, sorry this is so short but i hope you still like it!! <3
a/n 2.0: i recently applied for a part time job at a bookstore so y'all pray for me that i get this job because i want it so bad. i am just gonna decide that i WILL get this job, because why wouldn't i?
simon had been out of surgery for just over an hour now, being a soldier you 'd think perhaps he was going under surgery for some kind of wound he had inflicted upon him on the battlefield but no, he was just getting his tonsils removed after a bad bout of tonsillitis ended up with him developing really bad tonsil stones.
so here you were, waiting by his bedside for him to wake up. the doctor and nurses reminded you just as he had gotten out that he may still be a little, well loopy, off of the meds depending on how quickly he woke up. you waited in a chair at his bedside, reading a book when you heard the blankets of the bed rustling just a little.
looking up from your book you see simon starting to wake up and you reach out to grasp his hand, only for him to rip it away from you when his eyes were fully opened.
"uh, si? you okay, hon?" you ask gently, maybe he just wasn't feeling too well after waking up, or perhaps he wasn't wanting physical touch, that happened quite often and you always respected that space he may want when he wanted it.
"don't call me that." simon said, voice hoarse and scratchy from the surgery, he sounded a little angry.
"what?" you questioned, this wasn't like simon, you couldn't understand why he wouldn't want you speaking like this to him.
"i'm taken."
"i know." you replied with a short laugh.
"you should be touching me like that then."
it hit you then, he was woozy from the meds and didn't recognize you. the realization made you laugh a little more. you decided to have a bit of fun with this high version of your boyfriend.
"sorry about that simon. wanna tell me about your partner?"
"oh, (name)? they're amazing, you know they're so pretty. and they're funny too. they always know how to make me feel better, i miss them." simon replies, ranting and raving on and on to you about his partner, about you.
"you love them a lot, don't you?" you ask him with a smile, it felt so nice to hear all these lovely things about yourself, your boyfriend clearly unfiltered by the effects of the anesthesia he was under.
sure he definitely said sweet things to your face, but something about hearing it when he was basically high as shit made your heart pound a little more.
"i love them with my whole heart." simon replies, a goofy little smile on his face.
you can't help but reach out to gently caress his face at those words, body filling up with some much adoration for the soldier in front of you.
"hey! what did i say about touching me. i have a partner!" simon scolds, trying to dodge your touch.
"simon, love... i am your partner. it's me, (name)." you reply with a laugh.
simon takes a good long look at you when you tell him this, he stares at you, looks you up and down before letting out a soft and quiet "oh."
you begin to hear the beeping of his heart rate monitor speed up, his cheeks turning slightly pink as he stares up at you.
you couldn't help but laugh a little more at this. what a sweet idiot. your sweet idiot.
#ghostedĂ©abha#Ă©abha writes#Ă©abha's đ#ghostedĂ©abha: ghost#ghostedĂ©abha: simon riley#simon ghost riley fluff#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x reader fluff#ghost riley x reader#awnie's amazing nonniesđ
8K notes
·
View notes