#but then i realized that most people don't want to wear long pants outside in the heat.

[hylianengineer]

Nice. Would not stand up to the bugs one encounters in my line of work (fucking ticks like to burrow under hems. it's not just that they can, they LIKE pressure. little creeps.) but I could see this being handy for hot days if you're not going through tall vegetation.

fucked up in the crib rocking bug pants

[mustainegf]

hi elena!

could you do a james angst where the reader gets into a fight with him during the tour and goes out to get some air and gets hurt really bad and james doesn’t realize until he notices she’s been gone for like 30 minutes and then he freaks out and takes care of her/helps her.

thank you babes i hope all is well

𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐒 & 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐒 ¹⁹⁸⁸

The tour was full bore ahead, and we were living somewhere between exhausted and exhilarated. But this continuous moving, this endless stream of cities and faces, wears down even the strongest of people.

James and I had been together long enough that I knew the ups and downs of touring better than many. But tonight, those late nights, the missed calls, the exhaustion that makes everything feel ten times worse.

We were back in the hotel, everyone else in the band spirited off to their own rooms, no doubt winding down from the show. I perched on the edge of the bed, trying to read a book, but the words swam in front of my eyes. Behind me, I could feel James's pacing, his energy crackling in the small space.

"Can you just sit for a minute?" I tried to keep my voice calm, but I could hear myself getting agitated. "You're making me nervous."

He stopped, but he didn't sit. "I can't sit down. I'm too wired from the gig."

I exhaled heavily and closed the book, setting it beside me. "I know, but you're driving me crazy."

He finally sat, but the annoyance was still there, radiating off his tan skin. "What's your problem tonight?"

His voice was razor sharp, and he immediately got me on my heels. "I don't have a problem, James. I'm just tired. We've been on the road for weeks, and I'm tired. You're so… restless."

"You think I'm not tired, too?" he spat back, his eyes narrowing. "You think it's easy for me? Every night, putting everything I have into those fuckin' shows, And then I come back here, and all you do is complain."

His words bit, sharp as a slap in the face. "I'm not complaining. I am trying to talk to you. It's like, lately, you're just not even hearing anymore."

"I'm here, aren't I?" he barked. "What more do you want out of me?

I felt my frustration welling up, ready to spill out of me. "I want you here with me, emotionally, not just a warm body."

"I'm doin' all that I can!" he bellowed, his voice rising. "What do you want me to do? Quit the band? Stop touring? This is my life, and if you can't handle it, maybe you shouldn't be here!"

The words lay on the carpeted floor between us in the open air, heavy, painful. My eyes stung with tears, but I dug my heels in. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he'd hurt me.

"I'm going for a walk," I said. My voice was shaking. "Maybe I won't come back."

I didn't give him time to reply. I took my jacket, opened the door, and just walked out of the room. At the end, I slammed the door behind me.

I needed some fresh air, an escape from the suffocation. When I finally stepped outside, the night was nippy compared to the warmth inside the hotel. I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my pants and started walking, really not caring where I might end up.

The streets were very quiet, almost eerily so. It was late, and the city was in that strange no man's land time of night when most people were asleep but the night itself still lived. I walked aimlessly, my thoughts replaying the argument again and again with every single word cutting a little deeper than the last.

How had we come to this? I was scared not just about losing him but about losing myself in the process.

I wasn't watching where I was going. The streetlights were spaced far enough apart that their long shadows reached out into the distance. I was so lost in my head that I didn't even notice the uneven pavement beneath my feet until it was too late.

One minute I was walking along just fine, and then my foot came down on a raised spike of concrete. I stumbled forward, trying to catch myself, but my ankle twisted, sending a sharp pain up the leg. I hit hard on the ground, my hands scraping against the rough surface as I tried to break my fall.

I just lay there for a moment, the shock of the pain making it hard to think. My ankle throbbed, and I could feel the sting of the scrape on my palms. I tried to push myself up, but another shoot of pain came with the giving of my ankle.

I bit back a curse, and frustration welled up in tears in my eyes. Sitting there on the cold pavement, hurt and all alone, I felt so pathetic. It finally settled in, I'd stormed out of the hotel without a single thought for the consequences, and now I was stuck, hurt, and not able to get back on my own.

I pulled myself up to a seated position, cradling my ankle in my hands. It wasn't broken, at least, I didn't think it was, but it hurt like hell. I glanced around, realizing how far I had wandered off. The hotel was out of sight, and the street was deserted, in a city that was unknown to me.

I cursed under my breath, rubbing at the tears that had started to fall. I needed to get back, but I didn't know how. My ankle throbbed, and I could hardly put any weight on it. My hands and ankle were bleeding badly, with visible blood on the pavement, even in the dark of night. The thought of limping all the way back to the hotel was scary, but what choice did I have?

Just as I was about to have another go at standing, I heard my name being called. First, I thought it was my imagination, a trick of my tired brain. Then I heard it again, this time more closely, panicked.

"Where are you? Baby?!"

It was James.

"James!" I called out again, my voice breaking.

A few seconds later, I saw him rounding the corner, his eyes wide. Seeing me sitting on the ground made his expression turn from fear to relief in the beat of a heart. He rushed over to me, dropping down to his knees beside me.

"What happened, baby?" he asked as his hands hovered over me, unsure where to touch. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied, brushing it off, but the wince that followed my words gave me away. "I just tripped. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" he echoed. "You're hurt, You're bleeding, Why didn't you come back?"

His words were guilty, and I could feel his torment, see it in his pretty blue eyes. He was blaming himself, and my heart cracked. "I was mad," I said, voice small. "I just needed some air, and I wasn't paying attention. It's my fault."

He shook his head again, and I felt his hands finally come to rest on my arms. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have said those things. I was a dick, and I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of it. You're my girl, and I don't want to lose you."

"You don't have to apologize. We were both upset. I shouldn't have stormed out like that."

He let out a shaky breath, his hands moving to cup my face. "I was so scared when I realized you were gone. I've never been that scared in my life. I thought... I thought you popped on a plane to leave, that I'd lost you."

I reached up, placing my hands over his, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine. "I'm right here," I whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

He leaned closer, his forehead touching mine, our breath intermingling. "I can't lose you," he said, his voice shaking. "You're everything to me... and I need to work on my anger."

My heart ached at the raw emotion in his voice, he was facing the issue, an that's what meant the world to me. "It's alright, Jamie," I promised firmly. "I'm not going anywhere, James.

He pulled back a little. "I love you," he said, and the words sort of tumbled out of him, like a confession. "I love you so goddamn much, and I'm sorry I haven't been showing it."

His words sent a rush of warmth through me, melting away the last of my tension that had ratcheted up between us. "I love you too."

James gave a sweet nod before planting a kiss on my forehead. "Alright, lets get you up." He slipped his arm around my waist, supporting me as I tried to stand. The moment I put weight on my ankle, pain shot through me, and I couldn't help the small cry that escaped my lips.

"Take it easy," he murmured, voice gentle but firm. "Lean on me. We'll take it real slow."

I nodded, my teeth biting down as I held onto him. With his aid, I was able to stand up, though I couldn't put much weight on my injured ankle. James didn't crush me with his pace, he matched mine.

As we set out to walk back to the hotel, it seemed that I had come a long way from the hotel. But not a word of complaint came from James. He just kept his attention focused on me, his arm strong and firm about my waist.

Once we finally arrived back in our hotel room, after an hour of limping down the sidewalk and into the hotel, James helped me settle into bed, and even got ice for my ankle.

"Breathe, try not to move your foot," James cooed, flicking the lamp of and snuggling to me. With my injured state, James insisted I stay on my back. The roles were reversed as he nestles to my side, his head resting on my shoulder.

"I'll never let go again." James whispered, kissing my shoulder.

[when-i-wake-if]

It has been 18 years since humanity was brought to the truth that monsters, creatures and deities they were all too sure were myths are in fact real well most of them anyway with these new realizations comes new mysteries, problems and hope

but dawn (MC 1) never paid too much attention to it but after the death of their father they have been sent reeling the perfect life they had crumbling slowly, forcing them into positions they never would have dreamed of. Their life colliding and slowly meshing into the unknown creature's deeper darker world.

Across the city in a dingy alley badly hurt dusk (MC 2) awakes to no memories other than their name and something they were told that stung like a dagger in their heart for some reason. As Dusk tries to make sense of what is happening, they somehow fall into a rabbit hole of crime, mysteries and dark truths all because they are trying to find out who they are and how they ended up in that alley.

~Customize your MCs looks, gender identity, clothing style and name

~ Choose your legal job! (Dawn starts the game with a certain job but that job doesn't stay long)

~ Make deals that will change the course of your life

~Customize your room and apartment aesthetic style

~As Dawn manage the relationship with your mother, your ex your, past relationship and current feelings about your dead dad. As Dusk unravels your past, try to figure out what happened to you or set it all aside and attempt to make a new life for yourself

~Romance 4 different characters for both MCs and hey if you want to romance a god as one or both MCs!

Dawns ROs

Xeno || Xe/Xem || 21 || Human

"Hellooo how is my favourite co-worker! I brought you your favourite drink, I'm amazing! I know~"

Description ~ Short coily dark brown hair, lean build with a Bronze complexion, dark green eyes, Nubian nose, Xyr height is 5’11, Xe has a full tattoo sleeve on Xes right arm and a tattoo on the side of Xyr neck when outside of work Xeno tends to wear ripped black jeans, no sleeve neck length shirt, runners and a bunch of rings, necklaces and one stud earring.

Selena || She/Her || ?? || Ghost

"Please! Don't be scared I mean you no harm le-let me explain"

Description ~ Shoulder-length ginger hair that is curled at the tips, She has a chubby build and pale skin, greyish blue eyes, a button nose, height if she could stand on the floor would be 5’3, freckles kiss her face and shoulders, she forever dressed in a light blue tea length swing dress and stockings with a pair of black flats, adorned in pearl earrings and necklace, to most she appears slightly translucent

Brier || He/Him or She/Her || Gender selectable|| 228 || Vampire

"Oh, sweetheart, are you okay? Please don't cry. How about a rose? Will that give you back your pretty little smile?"

Description ~ Chin length afro-textured dark brown hair, Slim build and ebony complexion, Dark red eyes, button nose, height 5’7, outside of work they typically wear wide cuff pants, cropped blouse with a sweetheart collar, 4-inch heels or black dress shoes, round glasses, realistic heart shaped earrings, ruby necklace, silver rings

Míng || They/He || 30 || Dragon

"Well, maybe if you watched or read the news more you would know how shitty it is for people who aren't human like you."

Description ~ bleached white shoulder-length hair, lean build light brown complexion, black sclera and piercing yellow iris, flat nose height being 5'7, scales litter their body colours mainly being yellow and orange with some red ones sprinkled in, typically wears graphic tees , with a worn-out black bomber jacket, cargo pants and platform boots

Both MCs

Is || she/her, he/him or they/them || Gender selectable || ??? || Minor God of death {and dreams}

"Is it truly a lie or is it just not the truth you want to hear? Darling, you have so much to learn"

Description~ Long straight black hair that reaches past their ass typically in some kind of intricate hairstyle with silver jewellery woven in, curvy build with a tanned complexion, pale white eyes, roman nose, height 8,5 when not forced to dress modestly they are always wearing a short dress with a marabou robe or a satin robe and six-inch heels, adorned in many silver bracelets, necklaces, rings and flower earrings and they have belly button piercing

Dusks ROs

Sire || He/Him || 26 || Kelpie

"you should watch where you are going around here, kid. Someone will end up killing you if you are not careful"

Description ~ Shoulder length wavy dark green hair so dark it almost appears black Sire's hair always seems to look wet/damp, he has a dad bod and Ivory complexion, black eyes, Greek nose, His height is on the slightly shorter side standing at 5’4, usually wearing black leather pants, dress shoes and a button-up shirt that never fully buttoned up

Loralie || They/Them || 24 || Siren

"you are so adorable. I could eat you up~ how about I buy you a drink gorgeous"

Description ~ Mid back length black goddess braids, Athletic Swimmer build and Dark brown complexion with dark blueish grey scales scattered about, piercing grey eyes, Flat nose, height 6’2, a large scar down the middle of their chest, gills most noticeable upon their neck, outside of work they typically wear cargo pants, muscle shirt, converse shoes, a gold locket, dangle earrings, spectrum piercing

Joshua || He/They || 20 || Werewolf

"Plan?? I never said I had a plan did I? ...oh well I didn't but don't worry I can get us out of this"

Description ~ Short messy dirty blonde hair, muscular build and tan complexion, amber eyes, Greek nose though it has obviously been broken in the past, scar along the right of their jaw, freckles speckled over his face, height 6’0, typically wears work boots, jeans and a muscle shirt with a flannel jacket

Z || She/He/They || ?? || Undead

"pay me back? How about you? Let me eat you and I'll take that as your repayment. I'm quite hungry and you're starting to irritate me"

Description ~ Messy straight chin length black hair with strands of grey hairs throughout, skinny build and pale olive and appears slightly greeny yellowish, black eyes, hawk nose, the height of 5'6 the left corner of her mouth is carved away, revealing most of their teeth and flesh and their left hands pinky and ring finger are just bone the surrounding area seems to have a hideous burn scar though he typically covers it up by wearing white gloves, black turtleneck, beige torn pants and two different pairs of dirty runners

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How do you climb up from rock bottom? What are you willing to do? To sacrifice. To find out the truth, what will you do when you get those truths? What if they aren't what you expected or wanted? Will you help others or push the world aside? how far is too far to achieve your goals?

Demo: TBA || My other IF || Character Portraits: coming soon

[juniperss]

you requested headcannon ideas so how about the outsiders gang with a partner that loves to embroider so a lot of their clothes have random flowers and stars and hidden hearts AND their partner puts patches on their clothes for them when its needed

this is sooooo cute *screams* I really wish I knew how to embroider because I think it's super pretty. I'm so jealous of people who can do it!

(Gender neutral)

Darry:

You knowing how to embroider and you willing to help patch up clothes when he needs it is a HUGE blessing. He doesn't like to ask you to do it because he doesn't think it's fair so when you just started doing it to help out? OH his heart was about to burst.

I don't think he noticed the little designs that you snuck into the clothing for a while. He's busy and really doesn't bother with trying to "look his best" on a daily basis. As long as his clothes are clean for certain jobs, it doesn't really matter.

The first time he realized what you were doing was when he sat down next to you on the couch while you were embroidering after getting home from work. The boys were out and it was a rare moment of calm, he watched you working and noticed that you'd sneak a heart into the cuff of a sleeve on one of his shirts. He was so caught up in watching your fingers that it took him a moment before it registered.

This man felt his heart pounding in his chest and glanced up at your face before looking back down at the pattern. He doesn't say anything, but he kisses your shoulder and keeps watching you work.

He might bring it up later that night when you're in bed together after thanking you for patching up yet another tear in one of Ponyboy's pants. But I think you'd catch him always rubbing the designs you've embroidered into his clothing, his fingers always working at that little heart on the sleeve

He likes to work on projects in the house himself so you've got yourself a buddy when it comes to keeping your hands busy. He'll sit in the same room with you and work on his own thing while you're embroidering. He doesn't really talk during this time because he doesn't want to bother you, but if you initiate conversation he'll gladly listen to you.

Dally:

simply does not have the patience to worry about tears or holes in his clothing. He's the type to be like, "I'll just wear a jacket it's fine" when he has a tear in his shirts. And he always has holes or tears in his clothing. Which means that he automatically notices when you've patched them up for him.

he gets a little flustered because wow, you like him enough to do that? he's used to girls wanting to go out with him but he's not used to being take care of like that. The idea that you sat down and took the time fix his clothing is a lot to wrap his brain around.

he also notices the patterns right away. and he LOVES them. I definitely think that he sees your designs in his clothing as a type of ownership thing. Much like how he might give you his necklace to show others that you're his partner or how he gives you his coat when you're out and about, he sees the stars as your way of telling others that he's your guy.

He likes to watch you embroider and will just watch you work if you'll let him. Sure, he falls asleep with his head on your lap but he can't help it. It soothing to watch you do something so domestic in his company.

Sodapop:

Also notices what you've been doing really quickly but not in the same way that Dally does. He notices because he watches what you embroider most of the time. Sodapop is a big fan of everything you do and that includes your hobbies of embroidering and he takes an interest in it as soon as he learns about it.

Asks you a lot of questions about the process and if you mention that you can make fun patterns, he's the one who asks you if you could do some flowers on one of his old shirts. He hasn't worn it in a while because it was torn and he didn't have time to figure out how to repair it.

Once you begin working on the shirt he starts to get really excited and touched that you want to take on the task. He will wear that shirt all the time after you're done. And yes, he's showing Darry and Ponyboy the flowers.

He doesn't mind the other guys poking fun at the floral designs and boasts about how talented you are to be able to do this.

Starts to look for other patterns you might've put in his other clothes. It's kind of like a scavenger hunt.

[reineydraws]

For the mishanks body swap au, how would luffy/zoro/perona react? How would other people they know react?

hi! this got long so i'll put it under a cut, and there aren't really any drawings since that's a bit more effort and time i don't have rn 😅 but i wanted to answer this!

the people i cover are:

benn & yasopp

perona

zoro

luffy (and rayleigh, kinda)

kid luffy

buggy & croc

kid uta

thanks for the ask!!! :)

this is how i had some of shanks's crew react:

i think yasopp and benn, who have likely known him the longest and best and who have probably seen the most of mishanks together, would recognize mihawk's body language, even when it's on shanks. i also think ppl who spend a lot of time together and/or love each other a lot pick up each others' mannerisms, so benn and yasopp have probably already seen their captain exhibit little tells here and there that clearly come from mihawk. when mihawk himself somehow ends up in their captain's body, it's weirdly familiar for them, and they realize it's 'cuz they're not just seeing echoes of the swordsman in shanks, but the real thing.

for perona, i imagine shanks would roll up to kuraigana thinking like, "i should try to be like mihawk so as not to alarm them, esp 'cuz hawky probably would rather they not know" but when he steps off hitsugibune, he waves to perona and greets, "perona," and she's immediately like, "who are you!" she noticed that shanks buttoned the shirt he picked out of mihawk's coffin-crate wrong, and mihawk would never wear that shirt with those pants like that! and she thought maybe mihawk was having an off day until "mihawk" waved in greeting and called her by name. at this point, shanks is sweating lol.

zoro, i think he'd probably notice something is Off right away (shanks continues the charade bc he explains the situation to perona and perona thinks it's hilarious and wants to see how long zoro goes without noticing) but wouldn't really care until "mihawk" draws yoru for some training. zoro would scowl, annoyed but not alarmed bc perona's not alarmed, and he'd be like, "okay, that's it. mihawk would never hold yoru like that, he keeps at least another hand's-width distance in his grip for better support, what the hell," and shanks is just like, of course i got the sword thing wrong. of course his sword student would notice. 🤦🏻‍♀️ mihawk would only train interesting and competent people, and that's luffy's swordsman! c'mon shanks.

(i am a firm believer that shanks is the only other person that's ever been allowed to handle yoru in the time she's been mihawk's sword, and as an extension of that, i think it'd be cute if he held her in a slightly different grip bc shanks's style when using yoru is a little more hilt-heavy and defensive. he hasn't done this since losing his arm though, so it's actually nostalgic to be able to wield her with both hands.)

(i say this but i suppose, like with all body swap au's, there might also be an element of muscle memory involved. in that case, zoro probably confronts shanks when shanks reaches for beer instead of wine at dinner. but i like the sword thing better haha.)

luffy? luffy and mishanks aren't interacting in canon rn so i can't imagine where he'd meet up with them body-swapped, unless one of them goes to rayleigh at sabaody for help. (i say "one of them" but while shanks would be alone, poor mihawk would definitely have the red-hair pirates as a peanut gallery following along lol.) in this case, i think luffy (and rayleigh) would just laugh. like, a lot. so much.

if it was mihawk (looking like shanks), luffy would probably ask him a lot of questions regarding zoro and proclaiming his time is almost up as wgs, and then hang out with the rhp to catch up, show off his improved abilities a little, and tell yasopp about how usopp's been doing. with shanks, i think they'd catch up and then end up horsing around, and it would be extra funny bc from the outside it looks like dracule mihawk is having an eating contest with strawhat luffy. rayleigh will take photos for posterity.

if it's kid luffy and this happens before luffy's a pirate, i think luffy would probably ask mihawk-as-shanks what being a pirate is like, and also stories about being the wgs. and mihawk would tell him about fighting marines and his coffin boat and luffy would get a little starry-eyed but also maybe want to fight him lol.

other people they know... i can't help but imagine what kind of fuckery shanks would come up with if he rolled up to karai barai looking like mihawk. 😂 buggy and croc would be so unnerved.

i think shanks would take the opportunity to fuck with buggy a little by bringing up inciting incidents between them from when they were kids, like their really stupid arguments, and buggy would be caught between arguing back heatedly, creeped out that mihawk knows and is smiling all i-know-something-you-don't-know at him *shudders*, and wondering if the weird amount of knowledge on buggy's childhood mihawk has means that mihawk and shanks are fucking or something. (they are, but buggy doesn't know that. mihawk is a little annoyed at shanks for getting this revealed 'cuz he was holding onto their relationship for a more dramatic reveal if it ever presented itself, and he wanted the source of the blackmail he had on buggy to be a little more enigmatic. now, he can't creep buggy out bc he'll just assume all his blackmail material is from shanks. ugh.)

croc would be a little baffled that "mihawk" has suddenly started interacting with the clown way more than he used to, before realizing there's something deeply wrong with "mihawk". he seems too personable, too trusting, too... smile-y. it's weird. he doesn't like it. he is forced to go to buggy about this when his own henchmen don't seem to know what else to do about it, and they end up relictantly working together to find out what caused this personality change. when it eventually gets figured out that "mihawk" is actually shanks, buggy is livid and crocodile's already thinking about what this might mean for the cross guild, if the red force is going to come to karai barai, if that will cause problems for what he's trying to do, and of course, how he can use this situation to blackmail mihawk in the future. it's annoying but he can admit it's also kinda funny.

totally self-indulgent addition, but kid uta would take the oportunity to play dress-up with her dads since they've now effectively switched fashion senses. both let her, bc they are both charmed by how happy this makes her.

[lowkeyremi]

𝙏𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙧'𝙨 𝘼𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 -> Aizawa Shota x afab!reader

➼ Sum: In short, you're fired from your main job. The worry and stress hits you while you're ugly crying outside of the building of your old workplace. You happen to meet a man who can give you a job. The question is... should you take it?

➼ Chapters: 0, 1

➼ Content Warning: Implied fem reader, reader has fem parts, eventual sexual content, suggestive language, all characters are aged up, eventual relationships, strippers, reader is struggling. (I'll add more as time goes on)

Chapter One - A Fresh Start.

banner by: cafekitsune

Your week was very uneventful, meeting Eraserhead felt like a fever dream. He hadn't called or texted once which caused you to believe maybe he'd been lying about that job offer.

Your laptop was sitting on the coffee table staring back at you. It's tempting to look for a new job just in case Eraser is a sick liar who liked seeing people struggle.

Surely he isn't... right? Your thoughts get cut short when your phone starts to vibrate. Where the hell is your phone? You scramble around for it, tossing your blanket around. Wow, it was wedged in the couch.

"Hello?" It takes about two seconds to realize you didn't check the ID caller, even though it's probably Eraserhead.

"Good afternoon, L/n. How are you?" Eraser's deep voice asks and it gives you goosebumps.

It had been a long time since someone asked how you were feeling, "Tired, I really need to get out and do something."

"Well, the principal would like to have a brief meeting with you." His voice sounds so smooth over the phone.

"About what? If you don't mind me asking." You were already going to agree because of desperation. You just wanted to hear his voice a little longer.

"He hasn't informed me on why, but I'd assume it would be about your credentials and details on moving into one of the apartments our school provides." His answer is logical and makes since.

"Okay, when does he want to have this meeting?" You stare at last night's dinner on your coffee table, laziness has taken over you since you don't have much to do. You tried to take an extra shift at the coffee shop, but they insisted that they didn't need the extra help.

"It might inconvenience you, he said today works for him. Sooner rather than later." There's a moment of silence between you two. You break it, "Yeah today works. I'm not doing anything anyway."

"Alright, I'll text you the details. See you soon, Golden Kitten." You can hear the smirk in his voice.

The line cuts before you can even say some stupid remark to him.

'It’s golden tiger!’ You message him, you wait for a minute and your message is seen. He doesn’t even reply to it, that guy.

Now the most important question is, what to wear? You can’t show up looking like all you’ve done is played videos games day and night. At the same time you don’t want to look too preppy, there’s a chance you’ll be called a show off.

Ding! It’s a message from Eraserhead with all the information you’ll need. According to Eraser, you’ll be stopped by security on your way in. The principal will let you in though.

Motivation starts coursing through your veins. Your place needs to be cleaned and you need to find something to wear. First impressions are important in the work setting. What is Eraser's impression of you?

-------

Your music is very loud in your car, a little distraction is all. "I was a college student for two years before I dropped out," you recite for the seventh time.

Parking wasn't too bad, if you don't count the fact that you almost flipped someone off for taking your parking space. Your loafers reached the ground and you stepped out of the car. In the end you chose a cute beige sweater along with your favorite high waist pants and dark brown loafers.

As mentioned security stopped you, "Excuse me miss, you have an ID?" A tall woman asks her arms crossed around her chest. She's very pretty, her not so cute uniform looks good on her.

"-ello? Miss?" Her head tilts waiting for an answer.

"Oh, uh- I'm waiting for the principal?" All the confidence you gained on the way here is gone. It's easy to tell she doesn't believe you.

Your eyes watch as she grabs her walkie and brings it up to her lips, "Backup on standby. Potential intruder." She gets a few responses.

The silence is so thick and awkward. In your mind it feels like it's been hours when in reality it's only been a few minutes.

"You must be Miss L/n! Come in!" You look around to see where the voice is coming from.

"Down here!" Surely enough there's a talking- creature smiling at you.

"I am so- so sorry, I-"

"Oh don't worry about it, most people don't notice me the first time," he waves you off. The creature who introduces himself as Nezu.. Principal Nezu leads you to his office.

"You know, I was shocked when Eraser said he wanted you as his assistant, not because of your previous job but because I brought in plenty of professionals and he declined all of them. He sure does have interesting taste!" Nezu says his arms waving everywhere while he talks.

You always thought people like that would end up smacking someone by accident.

"I honestly have no clue why he chose me." You say quietly. Nezu pushes his office door open for you and you quickly bow and take a seat.

"He sees potential in you, is why. I know he wouldn't choose just anyone." Nezu smiles, he gets comfortable in his seat and begins unpacking the heavy stuff.

"So you majored in (dream major/current major) and dropped out. Any particular reason?" He studies your face. He can't help but notice the long sigh you release.

"I started hanging out with the wrong people, met this guy who convinced me to drop out and live with him, cheated on me, and left me to figure everything out on my own. One of his friends told me about the club. I was desperate so I decided to get a job there. Along with my coffee shop part time." Talking about it was never pleasant. It was embarrassing even, why the hell did you let some guy who didn't even love you convince you to drop out?

You could have graduated. "Wow, that's a lot." He takes a sip from his tea cup. When did he make a cup of tea?

"Yeah..." He's moving more papers around and quickly scanning what's on them.

"Do you think you're cut out for the job?" He asks it doesn't have any heat behind it, it's just pure curiosity.

"No? I mean I have experience with children, none with teenagers. I was one about seven years ago." Your nails just so happen to be very interesting all of a sudden as you pick at them.

Nezu chuckles, not a normal chuckle... something like maniac. "At least you're honest. That's always a good quality. Do you have a quirk?"

You could lie and say you do. Make up something dumb, but something tells you he already knows the answer.

"I don't, which I'm afraid makes me no use to the students." You worry you'll put them in danger by not having a quirk.

"Thank you for your honesty, but safety won't be an issue! Eraserhead is a very protective teacher and he's got a very helpful quirk. At most you'd need to report to someone about an attack." Those words are quite reassuring, you sigh a little.

Nezu goes on about how surprised he was about Eraser choosing you. Then he moves on to pay and moving into one of the apartments.

He has you look over some paperwork and sends you on your way with Present Mic to tour the school.

"Changed your life for the better?" He asks with enthusiasm about your situation. How the hell does he even know? Isn't your business supposed to be confidential?

"Must be wondering how I know, huh? I was the one who dragged Eraser to the club! It was his thirty-sixth birthday and I figured he should let loose! Didn't think he'd bring back a stray." The blond chuckles, hands also swinging all over the place as he talked.

Eraser doesn't look thirty-six to you. You'd thought maybe he was twenty-nine or early thirties. "You're young aren't you?" Present Mic asks.

"Twenty-six." You reply quietly. You scanned every inch of the school with your eyes. It's a very VERY big school and a lot to take in. Apparently, Mic is only showing you the part of the school you'll be in, but even that's huge.

"How cute! You're adorable and young! No wonder he's taken a liking to you." He exclaims. The hell is that supposed to mean? Without context that sounds creepy.

"I'm not 'cute' or 'adorable' I'm a grown woman." You clarify, he grins and waves you off.

"L/n." You pause upon hearing that mesmerizing deep voice.

"Eraser." You respond mimicking his comment.

"I'm assuming all went well, since you're being dragged around by this idiot." His voice is teasing and a small smirk rests on his face.

"Idiot?! Come on Eraser! We agreed I'm the smart and hot English teacher!" Eraser just shook his head.

"Whoever called you hot was trying to spare your dignity and feelings." Eraserhead responds and motions for you to follow him.

You do, without hesitation actually. "This is my classroom." It was just like some of the other classrooms, plain, blue, and boring.

"No posters or anything?" You ask playing with the apartment key in your pocket.

"Students are here to learn how to be heroes, not to stare at some posters." He walks over to his desk and looks through some papers.

"I just think it would make your class more appealing." You try to reason.

"I've been teaching for a good while, Kitten. I know what I'm doing." He sits down at his desk and sighs looking one of the papers.

"Kitten?!" Present Mic gasps dramatically.

"You don't get it." Is all Eraser offers him.

Present Mic turns to you expecting some kind of explanation.

"I should probably start planning this move." You change the subject.

"And I'm not a kitten!" You groan and he chuckles. You can feel the vibration of his laugh.

"I'll see you out," Mic offers and you accept only because you'd get lost otherwise.

_______

"Hello, yes. I'm calling about breaking my lease." The price for breaking it isn't as bad as you thought it'd be, with this new job you could earn that back in a little while.

Next on your list was to call the movers. It was an awkward conversation because you were nervous to talk to them. Once you got everything settled you ate some leftover food.

The movers are to come around nine a.m. on Sunday which is soon...

You probably shouldn't call him for something so dumb but you call anyway.

"Is everything okay, L/n? You're calling pretty late." You could melt, his sleepy voice is so sexy.. you shouldn't be thinking about him this way.

"I'm sorry to wake you but the movers are coming on Sunday and I need help boxing up my stuff." You explain.

"Right now?" He asks, you can hear shuffling over the phone followed by a little yawn.

"Um... now would be nice. It's Thursday night which means I only have the whole day Friday and Saturday..." he makes a little noise and clicks his tongue.

"Message me your address." Eraser yawns again.

You do as you're told and you hear nothing but static for a few minutes, "I'll be there in thirty."

"Okay, thank you." You sigh in relief, stress would have torn you apart and you'd be panicking if you had to pack all by yourself.

Eraser's pretty cool, you think. You give Present Mic a silent 'thanks' for providing you and Eraser the chance to meet.

➼ AN: Hey guys! I finally got the motivation to finish this chapter, rn I think I'm aiming for 10-12 chapters? Maybe some extra side stuff at the end, but as of now we're getting somewhere. I just had to add Aizawa calling you kitten it's too cute ;)

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Ok I saw ur doing ships too and I want to request one (for the outsiders) !!!!

Personality wise I'm kinda loud and I make a lot of jokes and don't take a lot of things seriously but when I do take things seriously I do if that makes sense? I can randomly go nonverbal tho for no absolute reason. I also have trust issues but at the same time I don't and I let people walk all over me. Even though I can joke with most people it takes a lot for me to trust and really gain friendships with people. I also am really mean sometimes and sometimes go too far but I don't mean it or realize it. I make jokes like that as a from of affection

I really like school but English, history, and art. Not like math and shit. But I seriously love English and Language arts

Looks wise I have a scene hair cut, I don't really tease it though so it's not really scene but it's the hair cute you need for it. I wear a lot of eyeliner and mascara and makeup in general. I have brown eyes and thin eyebrows

Style wise I wear a lot of crop tops and low rise jeans I also wear a lot of pj pants I also have a lot of Kandi bracelets

Sorry if this is too long 😭

It’s not pookie ❤️

Your Outsiders Ship: Johnny Cade

NO FAIR

Explaination: I think that your loud and to his quiet personality would contrast perfectly, and I think that you could do a lot of talking for him and a lot of standing up for him which he isn’t comfortable to do on his own. Don’t get me wrong. He can absolutely stand up for himself, but I think sometimes he has a hard time getting the words out there to do so and I think you would be able to greatly help with that and maybe even teach him a few things. I think he would have the same trust issues as you and I think you guys would actually bond through relating to that and I think he would totally get you going non verbal randomly. He’s also used to dealing with Dally so as for your meanness and taking jokes too far, he would definitely be one to tell you off if you made a joke that hurt his feelings and I think he would expect the same vice versa although he would be extremely careful not to do that. I think he also really loves history and would totally love taking that class with you and moving his period to match yours even though it’s hard for him to grip some concepts as soon as he does, he immediately gets it and can create some really in-depth and meaningful conversations about the subject, which he would love to have with you. He also really likes your style and the way you look. He likes your fashion and would wear matching pj pants with you. 💚

[zalcolm]

@lumiidere Sure thing! I decided to do both Víctor and Victor just to make sure I didn't make a mistake.

Akira

he/they, cis male (for the most part; possibly demiboy), bisexual (male lean)

Dating Luca! Before he asked Luca out, he would usually just look at Luca with a deadpan stare with cheeks redder than his glasses. This creeped Luca out at first, but he got used to his awkwardness after realizing Akira was actually in love with him.

Bad at social interaction. Which is why they don't talk that much, due to them being a little bit socially awkward.

Doesn't like showing how he really feels that often. Only to people close to him or in extreme circumstances. Often, people like Misaki or Luca can somewhat tell how Akira truly feels about something even when he's not showing it.

Despite his personality being more catlike than doglike, he actually prefers dogs. In fact, his favorite color is brown because of his pet pomeranian.

TERRIFIED of insects. Akira's not really the type to run around and scream, but when there's a bug in the room they sure as hell will. Do not ask them about what happened to Oscar's late pet tarantula.

Usually wears jackets, except in summer. Doesn't really get hot that easily.

Ian

he/him, cis male, unlabeled sexuality/questioning

Homeless, lives in his car. Doesn't really have a place to live. Sometimes he stays over at his "friend" Víctor's house or his older brother Steve's apartment. Usually the former since Steve doesn't really like Ian that much.

Plus-sized. He's rather tall, so he's only somewhat overweight, but he's big nonetheless.

Snores VERY LOUDLY. Another reason his brother Steve doesn't want him in his apartment. Víctor doesn't really seem to mind this, as they usually go to sleep before Ian does.

Very hairy. Chest hair, arm hair, you name it. He almost never shaves.

He doesn't have any kids himself, but has earned the title of "dad friend" of his friend group despite them all being similar ages. He even makes dad jokes.

Luca

he/him, trans male, gay

29 years old, Birthday is May 17th (Taurus)

Amputee, since birth. Has a prosthetic leg, but usually wears long pants so not many people actually know that about him.

[The rest of these headcanons are copied and pasted from DeviantArt] Was an orphan until he was 10 years old, but adopted into a (mostly) loving family. His younger sister, Elisa, isn't the nicest and they get into a lot of fights but they're still on somewhat good terms.

Pacifist. Doesn't really like hurting other people unless he has to. His pacifism really helps some but sometimes hurts others. Elisa once screamed and asked Luca to kill a spider, but he just scooped it up and put it outside.

Takes a lot of naps during the day. Eepy boy.

His wardrobe is the most diverse array of clothes ether. He has masculine clothing, feminine clothing, unisex clothing, you name it. Most of it is green, but also has outfits of all different colors.

He paints his nails. Usually black or dark green.

Víctor (Wii)

they/he, nonbinary, gay

Has a HUGE crush on Ian. The only thing is, they're way too embarrassed about it to confess to him. He's afraid that he'll be looked down upon by his peers for dating him.

Autistic. Gets sensory overload in noisy places, and you can often see him wearing noise-canceling headphones at places like parties.

Very impulsive. They do a lot of things without thinking twice. They even got into a fight with Shinnosuke once. Víctor won, but still regrets beating him up.

Furry. He tries to hide this, but literally everyone in his friend group knows this. LOL.

Sometimes wears feminine clothing, but usually just sticks to casual clothes.

Loves the smell and taste of cinnamon.

Victor (Wii U)

he/him, trans male, questioning

He doesn't go outside very often. Usually he just stays at home unless he needs to be somewhere. He has a job, but his job doesn't require him to go in person.

OBSESSED with robots. Fictional or real ones. However, he's not very skilled in engineering.

Hiromasa

he/him, cis male, bisexual (slight female lean)

Despite having average proportions in canon, I headcanon him to have a tall and skinny body type. Somewhat frail, but don't underestimate him.

He only gets an average of 5 hours of sleep per night. He's barely making it through the days.

Coffee drinker. His favorite is just...regular black coffee. He'll insist he's not a caffeine addict.

Despite his mischievous grin, he actually takes things seriously...most of the time. However, he does enjoy the occasional mishap.

He plays the piano. In fact, he's more skilled at it than Rin.

[sophia-sol]

I've been thinking some more about my gender presentation of late. I mean, thinking about how I dress and present myself to the world is kind of medium-key on my mind all the time, but this year I'm trying to more deliberately work on figuring out what kind of wardrobe and styling makes me feel happy and comfortable with myself.

And I've been making great progress with that, and it's very exciting, when I look at myself in the mirror and go "YEAH!!!" instead of just being like "well I have no arguments with this outfit."

When I was in my late teens, I stopped wearing pants. Full stop. Skirts or dresses all the time, for every occasion, in every weather. And I kept this up for….dear lord I just did the math and I think it's 10 or 11 years of absolutely no pants, with a couple years on either side with majority-skirts but occasional pants. At my peak I had a collection of over 50 skirts, most of them real statement pieces. I did the skirt-wearing for a number of reasons, some of which I was able to articulate at the time and some of which I wasn't.

But I think that ultimately one important facet of it (which I absolutely did not understand at the time) was that if I wore something so distinctly female-associated as a skirt, was known for it in fact, then I could experiment with gender in other ways without being concerned I would be seen as rejecting my assigned gender. I was wearing a big ol' flag of femaleness on my bottom half at all times! So I was able to inch towards a more masc presentation in other ways without totally freaking out and shutting myself down. (I mean, I still freaked out. I have a dreamwidth post from 2016 about how scary and forbidden it felt to wear men's button-up shirts, and get a more masculine haircut. Even with my skirts! But I was able to make those forays, despite the difficulties.)

But as I grew in my confidence in wearing more masc clothing, the skirt-wearing eventually fell by the wayside. By 2019, I was wearing pants one day a week, on fridays, feeling daring at the pants-featuring outfits I put together. And then the pandemic began, and I spent multiple years being able to wear anything on my lower half and not have anyone outside my household see me, and never having to use public washrooms. And freed of having to worry about what opinion people would have of my gender, I found myself almost never wearing skirts anymore. My default became men's pants and men's shirts, and I only bothered pulling out a skirt with the thought that I really ought to make more use of my excellent skirt collection, which by this point had been pared down to only the very best skirts.

But with my new default of men's clothing, I kind of ended up wearing just any old thing. Especially in the first year or so of the pandemic, I did not want to venture out into shared public spaces, so going to stores to try on clothes was right out, and I just ordered a few things online to fill in the basics of what I needed, based on what fit me and looked respectable and wasn't too expensive.

These outfits didn't exactly spark joy, but they were easy enough to wear, and felt comfortable, both physically and genderwise. And eventually I realized that it no longer felt comfortable to put on a skirt.

(did I maybe cry a bit at the realization that it was time for me to pack away my skirts? look, obviously I did, they were a huge part of my identity for so long, and I still love them, even if they're not something I want to wear anymore!)

But one of the other big things my carefully curated collection of skirts did for me was that they allowed me to dress in ways that were dramatic and visually interesting and off-beat, they enabled me to make statements with my clothing, and standard-issue men's clothing is uhhhhhhh not that.

So I've been working, of late, to develop a coherent and consistent and more me-feeling style and way of dressing now that I don't wear skirts. It's a work in progress, not least because the kinds of clothes I want to wear are hard to find! There are some significant gaps in my wardrobe to be able to fully make the clothing statements I want to all the time. But already I'm making enormous strides.

And dressing myself is FUN again, the way it used to be in the heyday of when I most enjoyed wearing skirts! I think I've spent the last 5 years at least not having fun with my clothing, when I always used to love putting together outfits. I thought it was just a casualty of growing older, but NO, I just needed to figure out a new approach to clothing that would make me happy again!

I don't know whether my current gender presentation will be a long-term or permanent thing for me. I used to derive a great deal of genuine joy from my wonderful skirts, after all! And it's impossible for me to have feelings about clothes that are siloed from society. I exist in a society, and my sense of how people see me based on my clothes is an intrinsic part of the collection of feelings I have about the clothes I wear. At least, it is right now. Who knows what will happen in the future! But for now: I'm having fun.

[hammity-hammer]

another non steddie post BUT has to do with gender shit and being a queer recognizably and existing in my skin--

i went to a friday the 13th party last night with one of my platonic partners (whom i will now call pp because shorthand is easier) and we both are very fem presenting afab people who use pronouns that don't match our outward expression. i personally use he/him exclusively, unless another trans person is referring to me in which they can use it/its because they get it in a way that cis people i don't often trust to be able to get. pp uses they/he/(it) in the same kind of way. i had my tits OUT and i am comfortable like that, because i know that the people who know me and love me and understand me know deep within themselves that i am not a woman. they see me for everything that i am and they love me. we re-met someone that we had seen the last time at the party, who was a fucking angel and so sweet! he offered us drugs to which we both declined because i was DD and pp strictly drinks, and we had good conversations! i gave him chocolates i had brought with me, we complimented each other's costumes, and overall just had a good fucking time vibing together! we started talking about gender, because i have a more androgynous sounding voice because of my testosterone, and pp referred to me using the correct pronouns. our new friend got so fucking excited that someone who was like him existed-- he tells everyone that he uses any pronouns because he doesn't want to have to repeatedly explain to people that he's not a woman, that he exists outside of the gender spectrum. he told us about the immense euphoria he gets when his partner refers to him using the correct pronouns, and i got so excited for him! it's been really fucking hard lately existing as such a feminine presenting person in spaces that aren't full of me-- and he helped re-light that spark of wanting to tell every person that tells me i'm a woman/too feminine to be a man/too xy or z to be trans and live my life peacefully to fuck right off. he was so fucking happy to meet people whose perceived genders didn't match their identities because people like us are so fucking far and few between. i have dysphoria-- i have it so fucking bad some days and didn't even realize that's what i was feeling because people that look like me/feel like me don't talk about it! transness is always seen from such a binary point of view, and even when people try to go outside the binary it just ends up like a third gender of androgyny and i personally just don't fit that! i am a guy. i am a dude. i'm a girl. i'm a person. i wear dresses and skirts and pants and proudly display my body because it's the only one i have and my mother did a very good fucking job in raising me to believe that i'm beautiful, and that anyone can be beautiful regardless of their gender identity. she taught me that people are people at their cores and that is what makes them beautiful. she also taught me that as long as i'm happy with myself and with the people i surround myself (who love me unconditionally, might i add) then it doesn't fucking matter what the world thinks of me. she let me play with whatever toys i wanted as a kid, she dressed me in the most neutral shit, in boys clothes, in girls clothes, because she thought they looked cool and they made me happy! she took the gender out of things that society and my peers and the other adults in my life kept trying to force gender into. she reminds me daily that as long as i'm happy, i'm beautiful. i know that i come from a very unconventional upbringing when it comes to gender expression and identity, and that i'm so fucking fortunate to have such a supportive family, and i am so fucking grateful for that. i spend every day at a job that i hate because i'm surrounded by people that don't respect me because they see me as a woman because of the tits on my chest and the clothes that i wear and that fucking kills me. i still fight them every day on it, because i have to. because if i don't then the next trans person that interacts with them will have to deal with this shit. and hopefully exposure therapy helps or something because jesus fuck.

[dark9896]

Polar opposites [Zapp x Reader]

This wasn't normal, it wasn't natural! He knew he could do better than that stuck-up, pristine, everything-in-its-place a$$hole!

Zapp was stuck, laying in bed and wondering why the ever-loving f&%k he was thinking about them when he should be out drinking and partying. The new intel core operative was just a little b*tch!

And no amount of tight pants was going to change his mind.

~~~~~

Unfortunately, you didn't have a beef with Zapp, not yet anyways. You were doing your best to get along with everyone you could considering you would be a temp in the office. Being reliable and tidy was just second nature for you. Honestly, you were hoping to become a more permanent member of the team. Though you didn't have much fighting experience.

A full-time record keeper position would suit you just fine.

But, for whatever reason, Zapp was skirting you today. Whenever you got even remotely close to where he was, he would jump up and act like he needed to be somewhere else. It was getting on everyone's nerves, and hurt you a little just thinking about it.

"Trust me," Chain said, "This is a blessing in disguise. The last thing you want is that Monkey Brained idiot flirting with you."

"It isn't about flirting." You sighed, "It seems like all I have to do is look in his general direction and he's bolting to the next room. And I know it isn't my body spray, no one else is bothered by it. They've even commented on how Zapp tends to wear it himself so..."

"You are still lucky that he's like this." Leo piped up from the other end of the couch, "Given his pension for bullying the living daylights out of anything that moves."

The little Sonic Speed Monkey on the table in front of you made a noise as if he were agreeing, as well as nodding. You couldn't help but feel like it was impossible to explain why this hurt so much. Popular opinion around the office said Zapp was public enemy number one.

But you thought he was kinda cute.

There was no getting out of it this time sadly. Zapp was assigned to be your bodyguard during a mission, and he wasn't able to weasel his way out of this one. This was the seedy part of town, and you needed someone who both knew the place, and could fight properly in tight corners.

God Zapp was gonna regret this.

"Just stay outta my way when sh^t hits the fan, alright Noodle?"

Zapp was being more pushy and rude than normal, in all honesty, you didn't know what to think. You just shrugged and decided not to let it bother you. Certainly made Zapp less cute.

Sneaking around in the alley with someone this close should have been more thrilling, but with Zapp constantly bickering at something or other... You just had to hold out until you could hear what was going on inside this building. It wasn't long before you realized you had circled the entire outside of the building and still not found a decent entry spot. And with Zapp grumbling in your ear, it wasn't going to be a fun day.

"Will you shut up?" You hissed, "I can't f*&king concentrate with the endless hopeless commentary from the peanut gallery."

Zapp blinked, straightening up and holding both hands up in surrender on instinct. But he shut up. You stared up the side of the building, unaware of how Zapp was looking at you.

Had he been wrong this whole time? Or was this just stress-talking? He was known to be grating to most people, and he had been wrong about things before. It was all too likely he just didn't-

"In!"

Being suddenly shoved into an even tighter corner by you only strengthened his suspicions about just being wrong. Then the footsteps hit his ears. About as hard as your heartbeat actually. That level of rapid thumping was pumping Zapp's ego. If you were that scared, then if he did something to protect you...

Things could go very differently then he even thought was possible.

"Don't-"

Zapp was yanked even further into the dark corner before he could even take half a step.

"Are you insane?" You whispered, "They have guns! You'll be down before you can even draw a drop of blood for your own sword. Just lay low for a sec."

"Just gimme a sec to prep and..."

"Look, just because you don't like me doesn't mean you get to walk all over me dumb*ss." You half glared at him, "Just hold on 'cause they'll round the corner in a few seconds. And then we can sneak into that low window right there."

Zapp blinked down at you, "What gave the idea that I don't like you?"

"You avoid me, you keep calling me Noodle, you have been grumbling ever since we left today, and you refuse to give me the time of day to just listen to the simplest of requests like stay put for a minute so we can do our f&^king job."

Looking away and rubbing the back of his neck proved more difficult than he expected, but of course you'd be right.

"Okay, okay. So I haven't been the nicest." He admitted, "But to be fair, I thought you were just another stick in the mud."

"Because I want to do a good job and maybe not be stuck as a temp?"

Your voice was starting to raise, but Zapp covered your mouth. He knew you were right, but the footsteps had stopped at an odd time. While the grumbling was inaudible, there was a chance that those apes could hear you.

"Okay, so I made a bad judgment call." Zapp breathed in your ear, "It happens, I just. I'm kinda used to being the office punching bag, so another suit-wearing snob was the last thing I wanted to see. Once this is over with, why don't I make sh^t up to you with drinks? Deal?"

You pulled away, almost hitting your head against the wall, "Alright, deal. Now help me up into that window so I can plant a bug in the empty room."

"And remind me," Zapp was easily able to lift you by the leg, "What good does leaving it in an empty room do?"

"It'll seek the target like a living bug." You just needed to drop a small bug and crawl out the window, "And stick to him like a bad fart."

"Nice."

[rfaromance]

I'm sorry for my lack communication 😥 but 'other saeran personality' which I mean is including unknow and GE/SE saeran too btw thank you for your answer and analyzing!

from 'which kind of dress that other Saeran's persona might like?' post I continuely curious

Then , what about Unknow if we were his assistant? Which kind of dress he might order MC wear? Or he doesn't care about it?

Oh, sorry I didn't realize! I'm happy you liked my analysis and answer for Suit Saeran though. ^^

I'll go in order now from GE -> Unknown -> SE!

GE Saeran doesn't have a preference for what his MC wears. He still feels shame for the things that Ray and Saeran did, and he doesn't want to force his love to wear or do anything they don't want. If MC asked him what type of clothing he prefers for them to wear, he'd insist they're equally breathtaking in anything. But MC can see the way his eyes light up when they wear something light colored and a bit loose.

GE personally wears a lot of light, earthy, natural colors. We see him in a plain white button-down or a khaki sweater, and then brown or black pants. He's simple and likes comfort. @marshmallowprotection can give more analysis on this, but his loose and open-collared shirts are a symbol of his newfound freedom. Ray was practically choking in that tight cravat, and Suit in his big display of "power" and "strength" was still held on a tight chain by Savior, as shown by the chain he wears on his neck. GE can open his collar and is no longer on anyone's leash. He's free to move and smile and laugh and live and love.

So he'd be lying if he said he didn't love the way MC looks in an outfit with a low neckline where he can see their collarbones, or a shirt with poofy sleeves that billow in the wind. He likes the way the sunlight seems to reflect off them when they wear pale colors, because in his eyes... they are his angel, his true salvation.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

Unknown claims he doesn't care what his assistant wears. He claims it's a hassle and he doesn't give a damn what they do as long as they listen to him and do the tasks he gives them.

That's a lie, like most of what Unknown says.

While he may or may not have planned to scoop up an assistant in his efforts to lead an unsuspecting MC to the apartment, he definitely doesn't have a wardrobe prepared. He may very well be giving them some of his clothes at first, and if his assistant isn't built like an emo twinkle, then they're gonna have a bad time.

Ultimately he'd get them clothes that fit them and are more in line with their preferences, but he has strict guidelines. Dark colors, because he's a shadow and he can't have an assistant who sticks out like a sore thumb. Ideally something more grunge, goth, punk, or emo in aesthetic, because happy colors like pastels and neons make him sick. "You have no connection to the outside world anymore. They don't want or need you. You belong to me, and only me. You don't need anything else."

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

SE Saeran says he doesn't care, and he means it. If his partner is his former assistant, he won't say a word about their fashion choices. He gives them a simple nod or thumbs up, every time they show him an outfit. He's already taken so much from them... He won't let himself burden them any further. He's not their boss anymore and the thought of acting as if he had authority over them makes him sick. Just because he doesn't have autonomy doesn't mean he should take someone else's.

If he meets his partner after everything at Mint Eye (which is a whole other mess because he's highly resistant to getting involved with people, considering his history), then he will probably act similarly. He may occasionally voice more support for some outfits than others, but he'll never discourage anything. Honestly he needs a strong-willed partner who encourages him to be more honest and true to himself, to have preferences and wants and wishes.

Someone around here deserves to wear clothes that spark joy. He will never wear short sleeves again.

[death-by-daylight123]

Ok, ok, ok, hear me out. The reason why people die by these demonic ass creatures in horror movies is because they use inside-of-the-box solutions for outside-of-the-box problems. Like, real shit, what if the survivor just pulled down their pants in the middle of a chase and started running again like nothing happened?

👀 Wraith, Spirit, and anyone else 👀

... I'm sure you want this to go another way but I just thought of something funny with this so imma going to go the non nsfw for this one, but if y'all do want one just ask; but this one is just the survivor being a smartass.( My parents are over my shoulder and I don't want them to know that I have an account lol).

I also decided to go the small story route fo this one.

Spirt

This is a sport of a young highschool student that has so much life to look forward to, much like you did before the fog took you. Now we all know she angy 24/7 but sometimes she has this clarity that overcomes her to where she is just numb; and it was in this numb moment where you did something unheard of in the trials.

Pulled down your pants.

Lets back up.

So you were out with your friends when y'all wanted to be adventurous and try out new clothes in your closet. Like the ones that you hardly wear. So you gathered these clothes and went to the allotted spot to meet up and that when the fog came. Now what you were in right now was the skinniest jeans that have ever skinny jeaned. And that's no exaggeration. Them things tight. You just realized how tight when you were being chased by a literal ghost thing that was screaming with rage and crying. Meh not your problem.

So you're here running like an actual champ( the fat gym teacher at your school would be so proud 🥲) when you finally couldn't bear these jeans anymore,so like any sane person would you naturally began to strip down quickly after you pallet stunned the ghost girl.

And this is when her post-nut-clarity comes in.

In this moment after you had stripped out of your tight pants and we're only standing in you underwear getting ready to run and tying the legs of your pants around your waist, did she have this moment. At first she didn't know what to do, she felt embarrassed and flustered and like going home to cry or laugh ( no in between) then remembered she had no home to go to.

As her eyes landed on your retreaing figure though she couldn't help but to be brought back to that feeling of humor and something else. It felt like she was a little warm again. This is what brought her to giggle then to finally laugh for the first time in a long time.

To bad there was only one survivor to witness it. And that my dead friends was Bill who was also trying not to laugh.

Wraith

This is a poor man. Really poor may who has been bullied by life and even now in death-ish? Flashlights do be shining on this man peridotically ,but even with that he is a feared killer because he is one of the best, and has some respect still to his name.

For one part even in the fog this man is a gentleman. Not only has he been able to snag the nurse ( she just ✨fine✨ uk?) ( Sry for interrupting) but he also tries to be respectful to anyone he has a trial with. For example this man respects pallets,the crouchy crouch, and if a survivor is ride or die for a gen( sometimes he even lets them complete it too) over all the survivors don't mind it too much is they get brutally slaughtered by him. Tehe. ( I hate myself for typing that).

But even with that he does one thing that most other killers don't : he holds survivors by the pants. Or if they have a skirt on he pulls it down when he's putting them on his shoulder. He's going to have to rethink the pants thing though expressly after what you just did .

Let's back up.

So in the few trails you've had you have made yourself be known as a smartass by survivors and killers alike by your way of doing the trials.

With saying that you have made traps that haven't been really thought of such as tripwires, the home alone paint bucket thing but except a paint bucket you had to used a bigass rock that you could with Dwight's tie as a rope,wood from broken pallets to stab killers, you've even tripped killers and tied them up.

You think you're funny at least,but you've come a long way since your first trial with the Spirt- heck you even have new pants ( they were some of Jake's oldish ones) - at least you thought so. Right now you're just wiggling on the shoulder of a tree man that smells like blood ,oak , and hospital linnins. You aren't going to question the last one.

To make matters worse the hook was only getting closer. You had a hatred of the hook. Though you don't get hooked that many times to be honest, but who would like the hook? I lay my point to rest and take a nap.

Then when you both were just 6ft from the hook it clicked that he wasn't holding YOU he was gripping onto your pants. So like a magestic walrus flopping around to go into the water you slid out of your pants and quickly went to get away from him as fast as you could-

Leaving a flustered tree man. He... did not expect that.

Don't get him wrong he knew it was going to be different with you in a trial but he didn't expect something that ... drastic. How is he even going to give you your pants back? He was still in a state of shock as he watches your figure to to the other corner of the map to hide.

Then all the sudden Nea falls out of the locker just laughing and crying . So that was when he picked her up and hooked her, then gave her your pants so she could give them back.

He can't really force himself to go for you or look you in the eye after that day. But as they say time heals all wounds.

Freddy ( the Nightmare)

This man and you have a massive vendetta. He's not a good man and from Quentin's stories of him have only fueled this madness. FOR REAL SIS even the entity is in on the bets. For right now Ace is on the winning side with you, with the entity constantly punishing Freddy for losing.

So the stakes were real for him...but they also were for you for other reasons. You see you didn't know anything about the bets and stuff;you just didn't want to be touched or gotten the best of by a pedophile.

It's also isn't like the other survivors don't help you or anything,they do the regular team stuff and help out as much as they can without getting in your way ;but when it comes to two people who hate each other so much there is not really much to do .

It was one trial that the entity was getting tired of you winning so it set you up with a handicap.

No Mither.

David's forsaken awful perk.

All because Freddy wasn't as strong after the entity nerfed him so much.

But before you even started the trial and noticed that you couldn't replace it you knew it was that punk bitch Freddy.

So as bad bitches do you were duking it out at shack and went to go vault the window when he caught you by the seam of the pants. And since basement was RIGHT THERE you decided on something. You quickly slipped out of Jake's hand-me-downs and sprinted to the other side as adrenalin took over your bloodstream.

He didn't know what to do ,but he did enjoy the veiw~

As Quentin flashlight-ed him to high heavens and David yanked your pants out of his grip and quickly vaulted the window to find you and give you back your pants.

It's safe to say they've gotten used to this;and see you as the younger brat of a little sister.

Y'all got each other's backs especially against a pedo.

[strangevenom]

here is steve answering all these f/ovember questions. everyone enjoy the downest bad man in the world pls

[ROSE]: Just tell us your favorite things about S/I~

I love that she’s just… herself, no matter where she is. Fox says she can’t turn it off, but I wouldn’t want her to, no matter what. It’s amazing that she doesn’t try to be someone she’s not. She’s not like any person I’ve ever met before, and that feels really special to me. 

[BIRD OF PARADISE]: Did you ever try to hide your feelings for S/I? If so, what did you do to cover them up?

Yeah, I did. That wasn’t exactly typical for me, cause I’m not usually like, shy and shit, but all the usual tactics just didn’t really work on her anyway. It confused her when I hit on her because she just didn’t get it. Then she became my best friend in the world and I didn’t want to lose that just cause I couldn’t keep it in my pants or something.

I don't think I was GOOD at hiding my feelings, but I fell for the most oblivious person on planet Earth, so she didn’t notice for a long time. Like, I was coming over for sleepovers and we were cuddling while watching movies and she just…didn’t realize. It was pretty cute, actually.

[BLEEDING HEART]: What made you realize you were fond of/in love with S/I?

Fox was over for a movie night and just fully fell asleep on my shoulder. She was like dead weight and snuggled up and I swear to God I held my breath for like two hours. My heart was fully in my throat the whole time, I was so nervous. It felt like if a butterfly has ever landed on you before. You have to hold super still so it doesn’t fly away. I realized I loved her because I knew that if one of my friends fell asleep on me like that, I wouldn’t have been so nervous to move and wake them up. It was just her.

[FORGET-ME-NOT]: What’s your favorite memory with S/I?

She took me to a bookstore with her. I’m not a big reader or anything, but she really likes reading, so we went to this store. Fox was looking for a specific book, 21-Something, but she couldn’t find it and it made her really sad, so we went through all the shelves and pulled random romance books off the shelves, opened them to random pages and read the first line we saw out loud. It was hilarious, and it made her feel better that she couldn’t find the book she was so excited to find and so disappointed she couldn’t.

I drove to Indianapolis the next weekend to find a copy of the book for her. I had to look through four different bookstores and carry the name of it on a Post-It in my pocket so I wouldn’t forget it. It was worth the two hour round trip just to see her smile when I gave it to her.

(The book was Catch-22, by the way. My favorite. - Fox)

[QUEEN ANNE’S LACE]: Do you have a favorite outfit/accessory that S/I wears?

Fox has this really cute, really short black skirt—okay, she told me I can’t say that one. I was gonna say, I love how she wears colorful tights under it sometimes. I think they’re cute. See, I’m not just some weird pervert! (Her butt does look really good in it, though.) 

I also really like the cozy sweaters that she wears. They’re soft and warm and she looks so cute in them. It gives me an excuse to hug up close to her. 

[SUNFLOWER]: What’s your favorite time of day to hang out/go on dates with S/I?

Any time. All times. I like dates any time with her. Morning, noon and night. In the morning Fox looks cute in her pajamas, she’s so cute still half asleep while I make her breakfast. During the day, we get to do actual stuff, like go out, run errands, and go outside for hikes and stuff. At night, I can treat her to dinner and I get to cozy up to her while she gets sleepy cause she ran out of energy. 

[LAVENDER]: It’s a calm, lazy day with S/I. None of you have any responsibilities to tend to. So, how would you want to spend that day with them?

We’re still young, but we’re such old people inside. I do a crossword or knit (yes, I knit, don’t make fun of me) and sit by her while Fox reads or works on homework stuff. She calls it “parallel play.” I love doing that with her, just like, being in a room with her. Especially when she’s focusing on something else and has her glasses on? Best kind of lazy day of all time.

[BABY’S BREATH]: Do you think that you would’ve gotten along with S/I if you met when you were younger?

I think I would have had a huge crush on her, kinda cause I did. But I used to be a real douchebag. 

Nobody tell Fox I said that, she hates when I say it and insists that it isn’t true, but I really have grown up a lot. Truth is, I don’t know if I would have known what to do with such an amazing person when I was too much younger than I was when we met. I think it would have been nice to be around her when I was younger, though. 

[FLOWERING KALE]: You and S/I have to cook together. How does it go?

We cook together most nights. It’s one of my favorite things to do with her. Fox and I weren’t very good cooks at first, but we’ve gotten a lot better just by practicing with each other. She gets really burnt out a lot of the time, so I pull a stool into the kitchen and have her sit there, chopping vegetables while I do the other shit, which means she’s helping and its what she can do without pushing herself too hard.

[DANDELION]: At the end of the day, what do you want for S/I? Like, what do you hope they gain or accomplish?

I want Fox to get everything she ever wants in life. I’m so excited for her to get her Master’s because that’s been something she’s wanted for a long time, and I can’t wait to be there for all of the milestones she’s gonna hit. 

- Steve Harrington 🕶️

[depo-no-t]

Oh man this is the post for me!! Okay, I go on a walk almost everyday and I very much enjoy it! So I'll tell you what I do and maybe it'll help and if not you can cast me into The Flames.

Ok the people part. For a while the people part was the absolute worst part of my walk and I hated anyone seeing me, until I really thought about what someone would actually be thinking if they saw me. Like, when you see someone else walking past you, what thoughts are crossing your mind? Most of the time it's probably nothing, or if it is something it's very small like,"That person has a cute dog" "That person has a cool or silly hat" "I like that person's haircut". It helped me out when I realized most people are thinking about themselves, or if they are thinking about you it'll be a passing thought they won't even remember 10 minutes from now. But it really is something that you get over through consistent exposure which can be painful.

Something I had a lot of trouble with was eye contact. Especially when someone walks past you, like when do you begin the eye contact? How long do you hold it? But I wear sunglasses on my walks and no one can really tell if you're looking at them. Sometimes I will look at someone's garden they have or pretend to inspect my hands if I feel like I need an excuse to not look at someone.

Where I live there's kinda only one type of weather, HOT. There's the occasional rain which I scamper to get my umbrella and run outside for. The bugs you may just have to live with, or wear bug spray but I hate bug spray because it feels fucking awful on my skin lol. I walk in the evening pretty close to when it gets dark because there's a lot more shade and most people have either already gone on their walks or are eating dinner or something. Plus I get to see a pretty sunset lol.

Clothes! I wear the same thing almost every time. I have specific pants and hat that I wear, and all of my t-shirts are kinda the same already so I don't think about it. I live somewhere where it is hot as balls so there's no escaping the sweat even if you were butt ass naked, so I tend to opt for covering my skin in light fabrics rather than wearing sunscreen because I hate how it feels. I wear the same shoes everyday, pretty much no matter what. They're work boots with a wider toe box and a steel toe that are a little heavier but I find them very comforting. I also always bring my messenger bag with me so I can hold my water bottle and so I have somewhere to rest my hands or fidget with. Looking dumb/not very approachable is a safety measure for me. I don't have randos walking up to me and trying to talk to me and I don't get catcalled. But that may not be a problem for you which is a good thing!!!

I wish I had something to say about the chronic pain but I do not have experience with it. The only thing I can think of is try to tailor your route and whatever aids you need to be comfortable. This can be easier said than done of course.

I don't care about 'Taking In Nature' personally, you're already outside which is better than a lot of people. So wear headphones if you want!!!!! I have a specific podcast I listen to for every walk (could you tell that I have rigid thinking and routines????) and I have found a route I walk every time that is the perfect length for an entire episode of the podcast. In terms of safety, you could only have one ear covered, lower your volume, and/or get into the habit of doing frequent shoulder checks (looking over your shoulder behind you to watch for cars that may be making a turn) and trying your best to avoid busy roads and walking at times when people are frequently driving to/from work. I used to bike a SHIT TON and after a while of having to deal with cars in different situations you kinda get an idea of car body language (which sounds fake but I swear I'm not making this up lol) and you start to feel more confident and are able to make quick decisions that are the right call. Hate to say it, but this is also a case of frequent exposure.

I hope something in this response helps!! Happy walking :]

EDIT: It could be that walking isn't for you! Which is fine!! Maybe you'll enjoy biking more, or you could skateboard/roller skate!! There are lots of other ways to do cardio that can be more stimulating and allow you to build a new skill, exciting stuff!! Good luck 👍

Calling my neurospicy/ADHD/autistic siblings with a question:

How do you walk for fun/exercise?

Personally, I've realized that I actually hate walking? For decades I've been trying to force myself to enjoy going for a quick walk around the block because every piece of advice about physical and mental health says "just go for a walk 😊 it's fun and relaxing 😊 anyone can do it 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊"

BUT IT IS NEITHER FUN NOR RELAXING??!?

I present to you the following:

Every window you walk past has the potential for one or more sets of eyes. EYES THAT COULD BE PERCEIVING YOU.*

Hot. Cold. Rain. Wind. Allergies. Insects. INSECTS THAT FOLLOW YOU (fucking horseflies ugh)

Choices must be made. What clothes to wear? No you can't wear the shorts you're wearing because the thighs ride up. Go change. A hat?? Hats look dumb but counterpoint: sun is murdering your eyes. And shoes?!? WHICH SOCKS ARE RIGHT AND PREVENT BLISTERS BUT AREN'T TOO HOT ANSWER ME THIS

Chronic pain????????????

Okay I'm walking, I'm walking, look at the pavement, don't trip over that drainage grate, don't stumble on the loose gravel, god this is so freaking boring ah shit I rolled my ankle on the pavement did anyone see?? Why didn't I wear headphones but headphones are bad because I'm supposed to be enjoying nature™ and if I wear them I can't hear electric cars and I might get in an accident SHIT I rolled my ankle AGAIN

SO HOW DO YOU DO IT??? Are there tips and tricks? Do you just... not walk? Use a treadmill?? How do you make the treadmill not soul-suckingly boring????

(PLEASE no neurotypicals clowning on this post with any "advice" -- your statements have already been noted and accepted into the record. Autistic/ADHD rebuttals are what is being sought here thanks.)

*Do NOT give me that 'no one is looking at you' BS -- YES THEY ARE. I know this because I watch people walking by, and so does my mom and half the neighborhood.

[neimiismycoolgirlname]

Hmm... This is heavy. I wanted to start writing the prologue of a grounded fiction and it turned into an autobiographical confession. I needed it out there but thisis heavy shit. I don't know what i wrote.

[Content Warning : loneliness, suicide ideation, suicide threat, depression, cheating, self hatred ]

Maybe masturbating would relieve me. It had worked yesterday and the day before. But what was the point ? I was replaying the same sequences on a feedback loop for the past what, 15 years ? Wake up, shower, dress up go to school or work, stay alone, hang out at lunch with friends barely talking. I had stopped mentionning my hobbies at 15.

Before that i loved talking about comics and writing and fictionnal stories I wanted to tell. But at 15 during a lunch break I caught a glimpse, a point five side-eye from a classmate to his friend who had been listening to me for a few minutes. And then i saw their knowing smirks and understood, instantly their inner monologue « What a fucking moron, they thoughts. Who cares ? I don't even understand what he's talking about but it sounds insane and stupid. He's an idiot and listening to him talking makes me feel better about myself. Because i'll never be as stupid as him.

It hurts, to realize people find you boring. But were it the only time someone said my hobbies were dumb and boring I would have been able to go past it.

When I was 10 i had a best friend. No a friend, a friend with whom I enjoyed playing because we both had a broad imagination and I wanted to see the world through his eyes. He had bad eyesight he was often alone. I think he felt also isolated from the others and thought i had met someone with whom to form a kinship. Us versus the rest of the world. And then he told me to stop annoying him. That i was « a grain of sand, always jamming the cogs of a well oiled mechanic. That i needed to stop bothering him. It's been almost 18 years and i still think about what he said. When i get into talking about my hobbies or my projects of writing his voices sounds in the back of my head. I am a grain of sand.

I don't have many friends anymore. I have colleagues i like talking to but to whom i could never bring myself to talk really for fear of losing the relationship. They'll never know i'm a trans girl of 28 who is deadly scared of beint a bore. My friends are far and few outside of works. I have managed to tell some of them. One or two ignore that i came out to them in a drunken state. They call me a he and i let it slip because i am an obese trans girl wearing at best androginous clothes in public. They have seen me in minishorts and in long skite above pants before. They know i'm embracing weirdness but what if i correct them nad they get annoyed ?

Others i don't see often but i can talk to with ease online. I am mostly out to my online friends. I identify as a girl on social medias where i'm anonymous but I don't post my face online. I feel ugly most times. Talking about love is difficult to me because i don't know, love.

I know my parents love me but my parents are not people from whom I seek love anymore. I am afraid if i came out to them they would stop loving me. And then what ? I need to make peace with being alone for the rest of my life ? Living my lonely life in my comfortable home. By myself ? Buy a few plants every few months. Talk to them as if they're my children ? Go to bed and hug the oversized plushie I bought to have something to hug in bed ?

I was never a social boy and now as a trans girl it's gotten worse. I don't like dancing, I don't like drinking, i don't like clubs. I am in a big empty home where no one knows i live. When i try to invite new friends for housewarming a few of them show up. I can't make meaningful friendships and now i'm supposed to find my forever person ? Someone who will see me for who i could become and love me nevertheless ?

That's annoying.

I don't have the optimism for that. I don't have the optimism to pour myself into someone and let them see the good and the less good. Mentionning the very bad in passing to test the water.

When i was 19 i had a crush on a girl in my school. She was my age, she liked parody songs and was a bit of nerd. I courted her for two weeks and she apologised for wasting my time. I don't hate her. I hated myself. I hated that her rejection felt like getting punched in the guts and that i bought a 10€ bottle of vodka someone else drank.

I've never gotten over it. I cannot feel love. I cannot comprehend it. I cannot let my defense open enough for love to pour in. Or out. Because I've felt that pain so intensely the first time i tought about drinking pure vodka and running into the sea. To see who would run after me and stop me.

No one would have probably. And then i felt like it would put my own death on the shoulder of that girl who did nothing wrong. So i endured it. I built defense and I swore that I would put my feelings, the romantic ones aside. And I did. For ten years. I spent my 20s avoiding romance. Being terrified of it. I know people tried to reach out to me. To get me out but I was SO SCARED of the pain. I fucked up. I blanked out.

Then i did my master's then a friend asked me if i was trans and I told him to wait until i graduated to let this idea sink in. I had been masturbating to stories about men becoming women and feeling love for the first time for over 13 years by then. I had worn my mother's clothe in secret as a tween, The first time i had an orgasm was while pretending I was a girl, wearing a skirt and top and playing around while no one else was watching. I kept doing it for at least six month. In secret, i was barely in my puberty then. My mom is now 10 sizes at least smaller then me. But then.

Anyway my mom caught me and ordered me to never do this again and i kept thinking about it. I kept thinking about when i'd be on my own and i could buy the wig i had, i could buy a bra, a top, a dress and just mince around in my bedroom. And I did not do that. I hated myself. I lived in spain for six months in a place where no one knew me and walked accross the female clothing section of the supermaket for six months and every time doing a double take wondering what the cashier would say in spanish if i bought a pair of pantyhose.

But i never did. I kept reading fiction about men turning into women, comics, captions,

I never dared searching for transgender porn then. I was not a disgusting pig ! I was not a fetishist of trans women or shemales. I did not want to become a woman with a penis. I wanted to wake up magically and have been born a girl all along. Then my shyness and the defense mechanism i had to protect myself with would either stop existing or be justified. Then my shyness would be charming to most people. They'd think oh She is just shy. But if i talk to her she'll answer and i could even offer her a drink or invite her to the movies. It's fine and normal to invite a girl out. Men should ask girls out it's in the logic of things isn't it ?

I am still afraid of what people woudl think about me. I am 28 now. I am for all intent and purposes a non-passing trans-woman. I nod along when people call me a he. I don't correct them even when they should know better. I wear docs martens boots that are shaped for women. I wear slim jeans and shirts. I buy unisex clothes. I let my hair grow but shave my face three times a week. I don't show my body. I don't want people to see how hairy my back is, how hairy my torso is I have hair everywhere. Even on my knuckles. Everytime i have the cash for it I think about buying a pulsated light depilator but to be honest i am so afraid it's gonna hurt as much as the mechanic one I bought which made me cry when i used it.

Yesterday when I went to bed. I told myself, that if by 40 it did not get better i would probably slit my veins. That's 12 years. That's more timethan i gave myself when i was 20. back then I told myself that if i did not find a girlfriend by 25 i would toss myself infront of a moving bus or on the rails.

I got nicer to myself since. I am in therapy. I am making progress I am comign to terms with the fact that i am not everyone's center of attention and that if I wear androgynous clothes i won't get assaulted.

Still. 10 months ago i went to the movies wearing a minishort and top and shirt and two assholes called me a bitch in the middle of the street. So maybe I should be afraid of what people see in me. I don't want to be called a bitch. It's upsetting.

My life is still the same. I don't deny I am trans but it did not change a thing for now. I am still deadly afraid of losing the few connections i have with the real world i have remaining. I don't know how to make friend.S I don't know how to bond with people. I don't know how to handle rejection. I don't know how to ask someone out. I am stuck. I am stuck and the walls are closing in on me. And the only thing written on them is FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE

I have a good job, I have a nice home and I am failing myself. I can't fix it anymore. It's too late. It's too late. I am never gonna have a flirt. I am never gonna find love. People will see me as an ugly vain bitch for the next 12 years and then I'll have no other choice than to pay for sex like a loser and then jump into the sea drunken out of my mind.

That's the only ending I can see at the moment. I don't know how to tell anyone anymore because it's scary. These are scary thoughts my friends can't know about because they will not know how to solve it. And then I'll be alone for real.

I don't want to make an attempt for attention but i don't know how to open up about these feelings without it. It's stupid. I'm stupid, these are teenager thoughts but i was never allowed to feel them because when i was 16 my dad told me that instead of being mad at him for forcing us to spend time with him and his girlfriend with whom he cheated on my mum I could just pretend to be okay with it when i was around them. SO i did that for 8 years. For 8 years i pretended i was not upset for my father being responsible of causing a mental breakdown to my mom, for me to grow white hair at 15 because of the stress it put me under and for feeling like the only choice i've ever had was to pretend i was content with being a fat ass piece of shit of a teenager with no friends and no way out of the limit i set for myself at then 25 now 40.

I don't want to feel this. I hate it. I hate feeling like my life is in my control but will always be overshadowed by the shitty moral taught by this fucking piece of shit so long ago it would never be worth bringing up anymore.