#but then he did crash after all!! and he was the car crash he was responsible for it do u guys get what i mean here
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And They Were Roommates
Logan Howlett x Reader
MINORS DNI
Your roommate, Wade Wilson, brings home an alcoholic Canadian bastard with knifes in his knuckles. After a month of putting up with him, an argument between you two goes in an unexpected direction.
tags: hard drugs mention, marijuana mention, alcohol usage, age difference, enemies to lovers, slapping, claws, hate fucking, mdom/fsub, breeding, degradation, praise kink, belt usage, choking, p in v, knifeplay (counting claw usage as knifeplay lmao), blood, creampie, possible impreg, aftercare, oral, multiple orgasms (emphasis on multiple), overstimulation
i’ve recently started watching the xcu movies after deadpool and wolverine dropped on disney+ and MY GODDDDDD have i been missing out!!! i’ve been an mcu girlie for so long (plus deadpool). the x-men movies are so fun but alsoooooo uhhhh hugh jackman as logan??? HELLO??? i need this man biblically like it’s not even funny. i have yet to watch logan (2017) but i’ve seen edits on tiktok and WHOA MAMA talk about a silver fox!!! also fun fact male wolverines bite down on the female’s neck during mating and i couldn’t resist including that in this fic. animalistic logan is THE BEST logan 👌
You were Wade Wilson’s friend turned roommate. You first knew each other through your other roommate, Althea, a blind woman who went by Al. At one point in time you were Al’s dealer before giving up that life once you got your degree and found steady employment. You never dabbled in the devil’s dandruff like Al did, as with the rest of gen Z, your drug of choice was weed. Your friends often asked why you chose an old woman and a mutant in his forties as roommates, but honestly rent was cheap and that was all you cared about.
You hadn’t seen Wade in a few days, he mysteriously disappeared during his birthday party. Neither you, nor any of his friends had any idea what had happened to him. You knew he’d kinda hit a rough’ish point in his life, giving up his assassin alter ego by the name of Deadpool for becoming a car salesman. You wondered if he had gone off on some sort of bender, but you honestly didn’t know.
You had just gotten off of work and opened the door to your apartment. Getting home took longer than expected, half of your street was cordoned off, from the damage looked like a bombing was the cause. You sat on the couch and pulled out your phone, trying to see if the local news had covered what had happened when door unlocked and swung open.
Wade walked in, sporting the iconic red suit you hadn’t seen him wear in six years. He was carrying the most… unique looking dog you’d ever seen and he was accompanied by a man with a rugged appearance who was wearing pants of similar material as Wade’s suit and nothing else. The stench of blood permeated the room.
“Al, I’m back.” Wade said.
“She’s out. Dude, where the hell have you been?” You asked.
“Oh no big deal, just saved the entire multiverse from total annihilation. I’m Marvel Jesus now.” Wade answered.
You elected to ignore his explanation. You never knew why you asked what he’d gotten up to whenever he wore that suit, none of it ever made a lick of sense to you.
“Who’s the dog?”
“Her? This four legged scrotum is Mary Puppins, or as I like to call her, Dogpool. Something… unfortunate happened to her last owner, so I’m her papà now.” Wade said cheerfully.
Knowing him, he definitely had something to do with whatever happened to her previous owner, but that wasn’t what you were asking about.
“Cute, but I was talking about the washed up Abercrombie & Fitch greeter next to you.”
The man rolled his eyes.
“Ohhhh, yeah that’s Logan. He’s gonna be crashing here for a while.”
“Wait, hold the fuck up. You disappear for days and you just show up in the suit you haven’t worn in years, reeking of blood, telling me some shirtless dude who also smells like blood is gonna live here like it’s no big deal?”
“Well funny thing is he doesn’t exactly know anyone else around here, not really his fault since I had to pull him from his universe and bring him here to save ours. May or may not have done so to a choir rendition of Madonna. You know, typical multiverse stuff and whatnot. I mean we’re Disney property now and that’s the horse they’re beating to death at the moment.” Wade answered.
Once again ignoring the exposition dump, you continued to protest.
“You can’t be serious, Wade! This is a two bed apartment. You and Al already share a room, so where the fuck are you gonna put him?”
“Isn’t that a couch you’re sitting on?” Logan scoffed.
“Oh perfect, so I can’t even use the goddam living room anymore?” You asked, growing even more irritated by Logan’s input.
“Jesus, you’re just a fuckin’ princess, aren’t you?” Logan huffed.
You glared at him before turning your attention back to Wade.
“Do I literally not get a say in this like at all? Even though I live here and pay my share of the rent?”
“Look, I promise it’s temporary. Just until he gets his footing in this universe. It won’t be so bad, I mean look him, total eye candy.” Wade said, gripping Logan’s face and turning his head to you.
Logan gave him a look that could kill. Long metal claws sprung out from just below his knuckles. Your eyes widened.
“THE FUCK ARE THOSE?” You shouted.
“Riiiiiiiight, so those are adamantium claws. They ain’t vibranium, but hey, can’t always be the number one. He’s a bonafide animal, in more ways than one, maybe you’ll find out for yourself.” Wade said, you could tell he was winking underneath his mask.
“The fuck do you mean by that?” Logan growled.
“Yeah, what?” You asked.
“Hey, I know sexual tension when I see it.” Wade retorted.
“I literally just met him.” You said.
“Yeah and with Hugh Jackman’s face and body, the time between introduction and need for face riding is a matter of seconds.” Wade said.
You gave a quick glance at Logan. Sure, he was incredibly attractive, but you sensed a sort of emotional unavailability that put you off. You had standards.
“You know my type and he’s not it, Wade.” You insisted.
“Forget type, he’s THE Wolverine. You know how many fanfics people read about this guy? Lookin’ at you, reader.” Wade said.
“Whatever, I’m not getting into a debate over my preferences for men.” You said, walking to your room and slamming the door.
“I think that went well.” Wade said.
-
A month had passed and much to your dismay, you were still being forced to share the apartment with Logan. At the very least he’d upgraded to wearing a shirt instead of walking around with his top half exposed.
After getting home from an exhausting shift at work, you opened the fridge, looking for the bottle of wine you saved for those evenings after a particularly long day. It was nowhere to be seen and you immediately knew who the culprit was.
“For fuck’s sake, Logan!” You shouted.
You headed to the living room to confront what was supposed to be your temporary roommate who sat on the couch.
“Christ, what now?” He groaned.
“Where the fuck is my wine?”
“Hm? Oh that? Yeah, it’s gone.” He answered dismissively, almost like taking time to respond or even look at you was beneath him.
“How many times do I have to tell you to keep your barely functional alcoholic ass away from my stuff?”
“Didn’t see your name on it.”
“I specifically told you not to touch that fucking bottle multiple times.”
“Must’ve not been able to distinguish what you said from your typical bitching, I usually just tune that shit out.” He said, still not making eye contact with you.
“Jesus you really have no respect for anyone.” You spat.
Logan stood, coming in way too close for your liking.
“Respect? That’s a really funny word coming from someone who doesn’t respect themselves enough to not wear short little skirts like the one you’re wearing, bending over all the time to show off that ass.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh you fuckin’ heard me. You think I don’t see what you’re doing with the clothes you wear, or when you come out in the morning in nothing but a shirt and panties because you think I’m asleep and won’t notice?”
“Back the fuck up, the hell do you mean by ‘think’ you’re asleep?”
“I barely sleep enough as it is, I’m awake the second I hear your door open. You have any idea what seeing you like that does to me?”
You blushed.
“You’re fucking disgusting.” You said through gritted teeth.
“Please, you do it because you hope I’m watching you. I see the way you look at me. You can say you hate me all you fuckin’ want, but I can smell your goddam pheromones from across the room. I’ve been around for over two centuries and have more than enough experience to know when someone wants me. Especially when they’re acting like as much of a slut as y-“
You slapped him hard across the face. Logan immediately responded by pushing you up against the wall, unsheathing his claws and holding them under your chin. Neither of you said anything, the only sounds being a mix of him and you panting in anger.
Fuck, you had really grown to hate him, but something about his claws so dangerously close to you was playing into your kinks. You stole a glance down under, holy shit he was hard. You grabbed him by the face, kissing him aggressively. His claws retracted and he let his hands travel to your waist, pulling you closer.
“Mmf- fuckin’ knew it.” He said between kisses.
Logan picked you up by the underside of your thighs and carried you to your bedroom, his lips never once leaving you. He threw you down onto the bed, pulling your shirt over your head and unhooking your bra, tossing it aside. He took in the sight of your exposed chest.
“You’re such a pretty little thing, babygirl.”
His rough, calloused hand cupped your breast. He leaned down and you gave a yelp as he bit and tugged your nipple.
Logan chuckled. “Sensitive, aren’t you?”
You kissed him as you pulled his shirt off and traced your fingers along the dip between his abs. He unbuckled his belt, unzipping his jeans and slipping them off. Your eyes widened at the size of his cock, he laughed at your reaction.
“Yeah, like it don’t you?” He smirked.
“How the hell am I supposed to enjoy this if you’re gonna tear me in half?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t want it like that, I can tell you like it rough.”
“That’s a bold assumption to make.”
“Yeah? Keep telling yourself that.”
Logan pulled off your skirt and hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your panties, slipping them down your legs. He looked at your pussy with pure animalistic lust.
“Fuuuck babygirl, look how wet you already are for me. You got it that bad for older men, huh?”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” You retorted.
“Oh I don’t have to, the way you’re dripping says more than enough.”
“Just shut up and fuck me already.”
You laid back on the bed with your head against the pillow and Logan flipped you over on your stomach, pulling you up to your hands and knees.
“No, you don’t get missionary. You act like a bitch? You’re getting fucked like one.”
Logan reached for his belt, he raised it, bringing it down sharply on your ass, making you squeal.
“This is what you get for being such a fuckin’ brat. From now on you call me ‘sir’, understand?”
“Like hell I will.“
He lashed you again.
“Keep talking back and see what happens. Now, what do you say?”
“Y- yes sir.”
“There you go. I’ll be nicer if you listen to me… maybe.”
Logan looped the belt around your neck.
“I’m keeping you on a leash in case you continue making smart comments.” He smirked.
“As if that’s gonna shut m- hrrrk!”
He pulled it tight, the leather dug into your skin and constricted your throat. The most you could get out was a strained moan.
“Got nothin’ to say to me now, huh? C’mon, tell me how much you hate me.” Logan mocked as he pulled harder.
You looked back at him and mouthed “fuck you”.
He laughed. “Oh I will.”
He pressed the tip of his cock against your slit for a fraction of a second before sharply forcing his full length deep inside you, causing you to cry out as his intimidating girth stretched you wide. He began to fuck you at a ruthless pace, the sounds of your yelps and squeaks filling the room.
“Poor thing, am I hurting you? It’s okay, I’m only fucking you senseless.” He teased.
His free hand gripped your ass, nails digging into your skin.
“Jesus Christ, you’re so fuckin’ tight. It’s like your little pussy was made for my cock.” He grunted.
Logan leaned down, sucking your neck, leaving mark after mark, his hand letting the belt loosen.
“You’re gonna look so pretty all marked up by me.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Are you seriously giving me hickeys? Really? What are you thirtee- ngh!”
Logan pulled tight on his belt again, keeping you from finishing your snide remark.
His thrusts became more aggressive, and as much as your feelings about Logan confused you, his cock felt incredible. You moved yourself back on him and he growled in approval.
“Yeah that’s it, take this fat cock like a perfect little slut. So good for me.”
He let go of the belt, both hands moving to your hips. His pace became punishingly fast and brutal. Between his growls and the way he fucked you like a dog, he honestly seemed more animal than man.
“I’m gonna fuckin’ breed you, I don’t care if you’re on the pill or not.”
You whimpered and tightened around him at his words. He smirked.
“Oh you like that?”
You nodded.
“Yeah? You wanna get knocked up? Tell me you want it, babygirl. Lemme hear you say it.”
“I need you to cum in me, get me pregnant. Please.” You begged.
He stopped his thrusts with only his head remaining inside you. He grabbed you by the throat and pulled you up against him, pressing his chest to your back.
“Please, what?” He commanded.
“Please, sir.”
He shoved you down onto the mattress and slammed himself fully back inside you, immediately resuming his vicious pace.
“Such a good fuckin’ girl.”
He panted like a wild animal, his claws slowly extending as he grew close.
“S- shit, sorry. Happens sometimes.” He said.
You tightened around him.
“Use them on me, hurt me, sir. Please, I need it so bad.” You whined.
“Goddam, you’re a fuckin’ freak. Aren’t ya, babygirl?”
He raked his claws down your back, you moaned obscenely loud as pearls of blood formed from the long slits he’d created. The mere sensation of it all immediately caused you to cum on his cock. The feeling of you pulsing around his shaft pushed him over the edge. He grunted as he buried himself to the hilt and leaned over, biting down hard on your neck, capillaries breaking under your skin. His cock throbbed with every rope of cum he shot into you.
“Fuuuuckin’ Christ, it’s not often I find someone that’s as into the hardcore stuff as me.” He chuckled.
Your whole body shook and you collapsed onto the mattress on your stomach. Logan removed his belt from your neck and got off the bed.
“Stay there, don’t move.” He said, pulling on his jeans and leaving the room.
He returned five or so minutes later with gauze, a roll of medical tape, and a wet hand towel.
“Had to really dig around for some of this stuff, when two out of four roommates regenerate there’s not a real demand.“
Logan got back onto the bed, sitting next to you.
“So what’s it like? To not heal immediately?” He asked as he dabbed at the blood on your back.
“I dunno, I never really thought about it. I guess you just deal with the pain for a few days, weeks, or months depending on what it is until it’s fine again.”
Logan chuckled.
“Sometimes I forget just how fragile everyone else is, until the world reminds me of it again and then…” He trailed off.
You could tell there was a heaviness to the latter half of his words, you knew why. Wade had told you that in Logan’s universe (a concept which took weeks for you to fully grasp) every single one of his fellow mutants had been murdered. You didn’t know the details, but you didn’t need to for you to understand why he was the way that he was. You looked up at him.
“It wasn’t your fault.” You said softly.
“What do you-“ his brow furrowed. “What did Wade tell you?” He growled as he covered his claw marks with gauze.
“Don’t get mad, I just- I wanted to know why you act like-“
“A dick?” He scoffed, pulling out a few inches of medical tape from the roll.
“Like someone with severe trauma.”
He went silent and looked away from your gaze as he finished adding the last line of tape to secure the gauze.
“…You’re all patched up.”
You moved to get up and dress yourself, but Logan wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you back onto the mattress.
“No, c’mere. Lay back for me.”
“Do I still have to call you ‘sir’?
“It’s alright, you can call me ‘Logan’ again. This is about making you feel good, not me. I think I owe you one for being such a good girl.”
You laid with your head against the pillow and Logan began to kiss his way down the length of your body until his head was between your thighs. His lips were so close to your pussy that you could feel the heat of his breath.
“Didn’t peg you for the kinda guy that gives head.”
“You thought wrong. I’m eating this pussy until you’re shaking for me.”
His lips met your clit, his tongue rolling and circling it. You moaned and tangled your fingers in his hair.
“Fuckin’ Christ, your scent is addictive.” He growled against you, making you shudder as the deep vibrations went straight to your clit.
You bucked your hips and he moved his hands to them, keeping you in place.
“Eeeeasy there. I know it feels good, but you can’t move around like that if I’m gonna eat you out, babygirl.”
He slipped two fingers inside you, curling them at just the right spot to absolutely send you over the edge. Your breath shuddered as you tightened around him.
“That’s it. C’mon, be a good girl and cum for me.”
You gripped his hair harder as you came undone on his tongue, pulsing around his fingers.
“Fuuuuuck, Logan!”
Your back arched off the bed, he pressed a hand to your stomach, holding you down.
“No, I’m not done with you yet.”
He continued sucking and licking your clit, his fingers fucking you hard and fast. You shook, feeling a second orgasm build. Your head cocked back as all of the nerves in your body ignited in pleasure for a second time. You expected Logan to remove his mouth, but he kept going.
“Fuck, I can’t stop. You’re just too goddam perfect when you cum.”
You moaned loudly, your clit throbbing in his mouth as you came for a third time, cursing like a sailor and writhing against his tongue.
“You doing good there, babygirl?” Logan asked.
“Uh-huh.” You murmured.
At some point everything went hazy and you lost track of just how many times he’d made you cum. The more you had, the quicker the next one came, until it was one immediately after another. You were a shaking, stuttering mess.
“L- Logan, I ca- an’t keep going. I- it’s too m- much.”
“Shhh, you’re okay. Just one more time, I promise.”
He pumped his fingers relentlessly, his tongue working your clit at an equally vigorous pace. Every muscle in your body tensed as the most intense orgasm you had ever felt in your life rocked you to your very core and everything went white for a moment.
“Ohhhhh godddd, Logan. You’re gonna fucking kill meeee.” You groaned.
Logan moved himself to get on top of you, kissing you deeply.
“I’m sorry babygirl. I know I pushed you hard, but you did so well for me.” He whispered softly, holding your face in his hand and stroking your cheek with his thumb.
He laid next to you, pulling you to him, his chest pressed against your back as your post orgasm haze finally subsided.
“Never saw you as the cuddling type.” You said.
“Depends on how I feel about whoever I’m fucking, and unfortunately for me I’m starting to actually like you.”
“And what did I do to deserve that?”
“Well, you’re still a total bitch, but you’re actually pretty sweet when you want to be. I like you that way though, makes things interesting. I’ll admit when you slapped me I got so fuckin’ hard.”
“So, you’re saying I should slap you more often?”
“I’m not saying no, but just expect to lose the ability to walk after I fuck it out of you.”
“You got yourself a deal.”
He pressed a kiss to the back of your neck.
“Good. Now, there’s something you should know. Regeneration doesn’t just mean that I heal quickly.” He said, pressing the hard bulge in his jeans against you.
“Holy shit, so… we could fuck all night without stopping?”
“Exactly.”
“Then what the hell are we doing just lying here?”
Logan turned you onto your back, getting on top of you.
“Attagirl, let’s fuckin’ go.”
-
The two of you spent the whole night fucking like rabbits nonstop. When morning came you made your way to the kitchen. Logan followed, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you from behind as you made yourself a cup of coffee. He buried his nose in the crook of your neck, taking in your scent.
“I hope you know I’m never gonna get enough of you.” He said, his hands traveling underneath your shirt to your breasts.
“I swear, you’re hornier than a dog that hasn’t had his balls chopped off.” You teased.
“Yeah and you love it.”
“There you go with the assumptions again, you’re so right though.” You purred, turning to him.
“I know I am.”
His lips met yours and he lifted you onto the counter. You laced your fingers in his hair and wrapped your legs around him. Both of you were too focused on each other to notice the sound of a door opening. Wade walked out from the room he shared with Al carrying Mary Puppins.
“Judging by the NC-17 noises I heard all night I’m guessing you two had fun.” Wade said, causing you to jump and pull away from Logan.
“For fuck’s sake, do you not know when to leave people alone?” Logan huffed.
“Oh c’mon peanut, you know boundaries aren’t my forte. It’s my toxic trait.”
Logan glared at him.
“Alright alright, I can take a hint. Just try not to get any fluids on the appliances. I certainly don’t mind a little Wolvie in my coffee, but I don’t think Al would appreciate it.” Wade said, heading back to his room.
Logan turned his attention back to you, his lips brushing against yours.
“Now, babygirl, where were we?”
#x men#wolverine#logan howlett#wolverine fanfic#wolverine smut#wolverine x reader#logan howlett fanfic#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x reader#my fics
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vegas part 2: still december 1st. still at it. yes i know its late. i do not care. lets fucking go
and so. what we’ve all been waiting for. the race. self described as james hinchcliffe as having “cold temperatures, [a] dirty race track, low downforce configurations and walls everywhere.”
franco was cleared to race. though there was some controversy over it because there was an article that came out with a quote from franco about the crash where he claimed to have a concussion. however, i would like to point out that the article in question is translated from spanish and things Could have gotten Lost in Translation (also to my knowledge it wasn't a very reliable news source).
in any case. people were annoyed about the fact that franco Could have been racing with a concussion and yeah williams has been a little bonkers this year but driver safety is something that Should be taken seriously.
this wouldnt be the first time that a driver raced with a concussion either. in 2021 after silverstone max had a 50g crash with lewis and admitted much after the fact to having vision problems at the next race because of it. though that was not caught because he didn't tell anyone about it. so. to my understanding. the concussion protocols that are in place only really can do anything if the driver tells someone about it.
regardless he was there to race. as was george, who showed up in a pinstripe three piece suit
and so they lined up
russell
sainz
gasly
leclerc
verstappen
norris
tsunoda
piastri
hulkenberg
hamilton
ocon
magnussen
zhou
lawson
perez
alonso
albon
stroll
bottas
and colapinto started from the pitlane
“its very simple for max,” crofty reminded us as the lights started to go out. he just needs to finish above lando and in the points and basically “hes world champion again”
and charles (cause remember, he is max’s pawn according to lando) must have known this because on lap fucking one he managed to fully launch himself from fourth to second, somehow getting past both pierre and carlos.
meanwhile, liam lawson continued his tirade against old men by fighting now kevin magnussen. and nearly hit the wall doing so. “great man putting moves on him,” one of the announcers said. “we know how feisty he can be”
kevin though was not pleased with the move. “lawson was moving in a straight line when i was slipstreaming!” he said
and so you know. there were something insane like over 90 overtakes at last years vegas race. this year was expected to be about the same.
so after lap 1, heres what we were working with:
russell
leclerc
sainz
gasly
verstappen
norris
tsunoda
piastri
hulkenberg
hamilton
ocon
zhou
lawson
alonso
magnussen
perez
albon
stroll
bottas
colapinto
george took the fastest lap on lap 3. which was good cause charles was only .4 behind him. and then charles took the fastest lap from george.
this was because while the mercedes was faster in the corners, the ferraris were faster on the straights. the mclarens were fast no where. and max was pootling along with his diy wing, managing to pass pierre for 4th on lap 4.
meanwhile oscar got noted for a false start.
george and charles had been battling ferociously for first but charles had to pull back to save his tires. so george was now 1.8 seconds in the lead, and he might have a plastic bag stuck on his car.
charles pulled back so much that he got passed by his own teammate and was now down in third. he was not happy about that. he was actually told that carlos was going to try not to pass him, that was not the plan. but before he did (and i really think this radio was here? im not sure it might have been later) he told his team to “maybe try in spanish” telling carlos not to pass him.
then he got passed by max, which he really was not happy about.
this was what he got for damaging his tires. unfortunately it was too early to bring him in, so he had to stay out and suffer.
lewis meanwhile had figured out that his car was Not Shit for once and slammed his foot on the accelerator. he managed to get all the way up past oscar.
lando, still chasing his title dreams, passed pierre and was now fifth, though he was now back behind charles (max’s pawn) (max’s extremely angry pawn)
or at least he was until charles was called to pit on lap 10, as was lando
lewis passed yuki, he was now up to 7th
“as it stands, max verstappen will be champion at the end of the grand prix,” crofty told everyone, as max was currently sitting in third.
and it really wasn't looking good for mclaren as oscar got a 5 second penalty for a false start.
and with all the pit stoppage that was happening around him, lewis had managed to work his way up to fourth.
and then max and carlos both pitted and he ended up in second, right behind george on lap 12
max came out of the pits in 12th, but crucially he was in front of both ferraris and lando
lando saw this and stepped on the accelerator, putting in a fastest lap.
and george pitted, leaving lewis out in the lead. (george had been 15 seconds clear of lewis, so when he came back out he was in second)
“we’re in for a while heap of overtakes tonight,” crofty said excitedly as the race really started to take shape.
it was at this point that the shenanigans began ensuing. esteban was called in to pit, but absolutely no one was ready for him so he had to go back out and do a whole nother lap before coming back into the pits Again, which was bad news for his track position and also bad news for alpine cause that was a massive screw up.
and lance’s tires were also not ready when he came into the pits. at first this looked like an aston fuck up, but then after the race it was revealed that he had absolutely no radio for the entire race, so he was just kind of raw dogging it. as in, he had no one telling him at all when to come in to pit, so he made the calls himself. hence why he had no tires ready at all. so his pit was delayed.
and yuki drove over the speed limit sign at the end of the pit lane.
lewis was called to pit on lap 14, and he came out 9th, behind lando. lewis was not happy about this. “what the hell man?” he said over the radio. “how many places have i just lost?”
“we wouldve lost another five places if we hand hung it out any longer,” his engineer, bono, said.
fortunately though, lewis was in a fast car. and he had fought to the front from 10th already once this race, he could certainly do it again.
lap 15 saw pierre gasly screaming over his radio for more power
“low on power,” he said, normally.
“everything is looking okay to us,” came the pit wall response, entirely unbothered.
“WAIT I HAVE NO POWER!” pierre screamed.
and then his car started smoking.
fortunately he was close enough to the pits where he was able to pull in without triggering a safety car, but he was pissed.
“oh man,” he said forlornly over the radio as he pulled in.
and then the cameras panned to a giant hole in the side of his car.
which he later posted on his instagram story
“you gotta feel for gasly,” the announcers said. “qualified third and didn't finish the race.”
meanwhile, checo, who had somehow ended up second when no one was looking, let max though and now he was in second. then carlos passed checo.
and on lap 17 lewis passed lando, also taking the fastest lap.
and then charles passed checo, lewis passed checo, and lando passed checo, who was now way down in 7th.
“the mercedes is flying,” martin brundle said.
by lap 19 we had
russell
verstappen
sainz
leclerc
hamilton
norris
tsunoda
piastri
albon
alonso
hulkenberg
zhou
lawson
perez
ocon
stroll
colapinto
magnussen
and bottas
and no, your eyes do not decieve you! that is the williams of alex albon up into 9th! and the sauber of zhou guanyu in 12th! it was looking good for them!
and then ferrari began their return to their roots.
what roots are those? you might be asking.
well lets take a look
“let me know asap if its going to go to plan c cause that changes everything,” carlos said over the radio on lap 19
“let me get back to you,” came the response from the pit wall. which was a classic ferrari “we are checking” moment (as crofty happily pointed out)
“norris is 4 placed behind max,” martin said. “he needs to be in front to keep the championship alive.”
“that mclaren doesnt have the pace,” crofty said. and he was right. there was also some speculation that that could have something to do with the fact that they couldn't use their revoked rear wing with the special mini drs flap on it that had been declared illegal a few rounds ago.
they called to the mclaren pit wall to ask zak brown his thoughts. and he said that they don't really have the pace at all.
“you must be cheering for mercedes to take the big points away from ferrari,” martin said, because remember, ferrari are trying to take the constructors championship title from mclaren
zak agreed that they were cheering for mercedes, and even went as far as to say “go lewis go!”
but back to the race.
carlos was told that ferrari were targeting plan a on lap 22 (which was speculated to be a one stop), george was 10 seconds ahead of max and mclaren was still suffering.
“the front right looks like its about to go any lap” lando said. and oscar could not get close to yuki to pass him.
“man these guys are fast on the straight,” lewis said about ferrari. martin pointed out that he was only three races away from being one of “those guys” and wondered if he was cheering for that in his cockpit. because remember he had expressed interest to quit mercedes early after the shit show that had been the brazilian gp.
and, kind of insanely. toto had insinuated recently that he would have gotten rid of lewis even if lewis had not gone to ferrari because he had a “shelf life” that was coming to an end. but that comment seemed to have only motivated lewis more.
he was certainly doing better than alex albon, who apparently had an overheating problem now. “can we just have one race without problems?” he said angrily over the radio.
“ted!” crofty said excitedly over the radio. “its almost time for your favorite part of a modern f1 grand prix! when sergio perez gets close to liam lawson!”
and it indeed was. checo was in 12 and liam was in 13.
also in an exciting position was zhou guanyu, who was in 11th and only one spot behind alex albon. stake could get a point! their first point! and it was looking like an even better position to be in because alex albon’s engineer came over the radio on lap 26 to tell him:
“alex, weve got a terminal problem here, we need to retire the car.”
and so the bad luck continued for williams.
oscar pitted on lap 26.
carlos also wanted to pit on lap 26. “lets get off these tires,” he said over the radio, once again trying to be his own race engineer.
but he did not pit. max pitted.
“box me guys, box me,” carlos said again on lap 27.
“carlos is trying to continue [his method of making his] his ferrari tacticians to do what he wants but they’re not” crofty said.
meanwhile max’s pit stop was called off, perhaps it was to trick another team into pitting.
and still, carlos was not boxed. he was instead told to swap positions with charles, who had come up behind him. which was interesting because lewis was quite literally half a second behind charles. but they still swapped. and managed to keep lewis behind.
carlos started to come into the pit lane. but then he backed out. not before he had already crossed the white line though, which usually means an instant penalty.
lewis pitted. and max pitted. max also complained about carlos crossing the white line on the pit entry.
crofty reported that there had been a very late call to “stay out stay out” from ferrari, in true ferrari fashion.
“what happened?” carlos asked over the radio.
“we were not ready,” said his engineer.
“wake up you guys! c’mon!” carlos yelled back. he pitted on the next lap
“so where does this all shake out?” martin asked.
well. we had one mercedes that was doing very, very well (george) and another that was putting pressure on max (lewis)
george had apparently “even admitted he had an afternoon siesta” and he was leading by 15 seconds.
and on lap 30 we had
russell
leclerc
norris
verstappen
hamilton
sainz
hulkenberg
tsunoda
perez
zhou
ocon
lawson
piastri
alonso
magnussen
bottas
colapinto
stroll
and, if you were wondering, lando was only ahead of max cause max had pitted.
esteban and liam apparently boinked eachother on lap 31, with esteban coming on the radio to say that he got hit.
and lando pitted as lewis took another fastest lap.
“lewis hoans in on the back of max, his arch rival,” martin said pretty dramatically. “anyone still angry about that? 2021?” im sure that across the world many people said yes (2021 of course was the year that max won the championship on the last few laps after a bs safety car call and effectively robbed lewis of his 8th world title).
matin said that he asks that question to fans all the time and fans always say theyre still mad about it.
lewis then slammed the accelerator again and passed max on lap 32 for third, then got up to second as charles went into pit.
you might be wondering why carlos hadnt gotten a penalty yet for crossing the white line on the pit lane. well out trusty commentators were wondering too. “ill be very surprised if we don't hear anything,” martin said.
george pitted. it was a free pit stop because he had been 33 seconds ahead of lewis, so he still came out in first.
“theyve got this race in the bag as it stands,” crofty said about mercedes. “but its a street track and theres several bags flying around. danger around every corner.”
zhou meanwhile was barely holding onto 10th (and a point!) in front of esteban ocon
by lap 34 we had george still leading, followed by
hamilton
verstappen
sainz
leclerc
norris
hulkenberg
piastri
zhou
ocon
lawson
tsunoda
alonso
magnussen
perez
colapinto
bottas
stroll
“what a driver from lewis hamilton,” martin said. and it was. hed come up from 10th now twice.
“are we going to get a finish like spa?” crofty asked. then quickly amended that to be “as in lewis hunting down george” at the end, not george getting disqualified for being too light.
there were 15 laps to go. lewis put in another fastest lap. and his gap to george was 9.1 seconds.
and if rb could hold onto their current track position, they would be ahead of haas in the constructors championship, which was roughly 10 million dollars
lewis took fastest lap on lap 37. but then charles, who was also on a rampage, took it from him.
“give it 10 laps and he’ll be right on the gearbox of russell,” martin said.
and there was still nothing in terms of penalties for carlos.
“i don't know how ferrari have managed to argue this,” the announcers said. and karun even came on from race control to read the rulebook out loud, the exact section that said under which circumstances penalties should be given for crossing the white line of the pit box extry.
and then checo pulled a move of all moves. crofty even branded it as “vintage sergio perez” as he managed to go right smack between liam lason and kevin magnussen, into a corner, and not a single one of them ended up in the wall as he did his double overtake on lap 39
lewis took the fastest lap again. and again it was taken by charles.
max was under pressure from carlos (who was 1.2 behind) and had no grip.
“you want me to try and keep them behind or what?” max asked his engineer, gp. cause remember, all max has to do is finish in front of lando and he wins the championship, something that he was currently doing. and even if both ferraris passed him, he would still be in front of lando.
“i think you should, yeah,” gp said passively and very confidently for someone who has, if you remember, a diy’d rear wing.
meanwhile checo passed ocon for 11th and lewis was now 7 seconds behind george.
carlos passed max on lap 42. he was now in third.
martin wondered if carlos was going to try and keep max in his drs, like he did with lando in singapore 2023, to try and protect himself from charles, who was definitely faster than him.
crofty said that carlos’s bosses wouldnt be pleased about that, especially since ferrari are actively trying to win the constructors championship, but his bosses were only his bosses for a few more races.
charles was still trying to pass max on lap 45. he was still failing.
then a little graphic popped up. if carlos had pitted earlier, when he had wanted to, simulation said that he could have finished second. martin found this very hard to believe. i guess we will never know for sure.
finally charles managed to pass max on lap 47. he was 1.5 seconds behind carlos.
and max was right in front of lando.
lando though was a ways back and boxed for softs to get a fastest lap.
george was still leading. if he continued to lead and won, we would have 7 different multi race winners. which has never happened before.
and if max stayed where he was he would win th championship. in vegas. like nelson piquet and keke rosberg in the 80s, who both also won their championship sby finishing in 5th.
and george won.
and max came in fifth.
so you know what that means.
“FOUR TIME CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, MAX VERSTAPPEN!!!!”
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“his driving and his ability has manhandled him to the win,” crofty said about max. cause remember, max didn't have the fastest car this year, it was not a dominating season like the last two gave been for him, he won with a diy rear wing for fucks sake!
THREE TIME RACE WINNER GEORGE RUSSELL
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george won, lewis came second. followed by carlos, charles, max, lando, oscar, nico, yuki, checo, fernando, kevin, guanyu, franco, lance, liam, esteban and valtteri.
george t posed on top of his car, then was so excited he jumped directly on top of the marshal holding the scale.
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and then, because vegas is Quirky and Cool and Different, the drivers don't do the podium and the interviews right where they pull up at the end of the race. no they do on a different part of the track, by the fountains.
so. how do they get there?
why, in a rolls royce of course!
and so lewis, george and carlos all hopped in one, and max and gp hopped in the other.
gp was very, very proud of max
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max was more interested in exploring the rolls that they were in.
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over in the other rolls, george had somehow wound up in the middle seat despite being 6’3, lewis was fixing his appearance in the mirror, and carlos was wearing a beanie
but they finally made it around, to the fountain where they were met with jenson button, who was absolutely slutting it up in a brown velvet blazer with a black turtleneck
and oh? what is this? “oh! jenson’s found a friend!” crofty said.
and he had! jenson was joined by terry crews
and unfortunately this is the part of my notes that i took entirely in the dark. so bear with me here.
first, i was incredibly confused why terry was there, and then it became very obvious that he was just a massive fangirl trying to hold himself together, which was incredibly funny to watch.
still
george was incredibly happy with his race. “i cant even describe this [feeling?], dominant weekend.” and later he said he was waiting for something bad to happen, like a tree hitting the track, but it never happened. also later jenson called george’s race “perfect” he said he was cancelling his flight and going out drinking. which he did do. though he didn't have any other clothes with him so he had to go out in the pin stripe three piece suit that he showed up to the paddock
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lewis was next and he started by congratulating max (which he had also done in the pit lane with the red bull crew) and then said that he “had fun coming from the back…best the car has ever felt!” and then speculated that maybe that was because it was cold. he definitely proved toto’s shelf life comments wrong (and damon hill agreed ) and even apparently out performed mercedes simulations of the race.
(jenson later on comically slid over to try to talk to lewis like a dude in a romance movie. he and lewis were called "slagclaren" when they were both mclaren teammates there and theyre never beating the allegations)
and carlos said that he had been “hoping vegas had something to offer me after last year.” with the man hole. he said he had actually been looking for every manhole cover while he was racing so he could avoid them
and max. who they interviewed as a special treat because he had just become a 4x world champion. “its been a long season, but as a team we kept it together. to stand here as a four time world champion us something i never thought possible….this season taught me a lot of lessons that i am very proud of.”
with this championship win, max becomes the second person to win his first four titles consecutively (the first was sebastian vettel, who also did it with red bull), though max did break sebs record of fewest days between first and fourth win by one day exactly, and only the sixth driver to ever win four or more world titles, joining the ranks of sebastian vettel, alain prost, juan manuel fangio, michael schumacher, lewis hamilton (the last two also both also won 4 consecutively, but not their first)
and then he said that his fans got a bit spoiled last year with all the wins, and had to wait awhile this year.
the podium was fun and filled with champagne and george doing his comical little hop hop and lewis and george holding the trophy like it was their newborn child for some reason.
and then soaking eachother in champagne
toto wolff even had good things to say about george and lewis, saying that george’s driving was from “another planet” and praised lewis for being able to get to p2 from p10.
lewis also gave some advice to younger drivers during the press conference that was very heart felt. the question posed to him was: Does your advice to young drivers about not being weighed down by the adverse criticism probably come from your feeling that you have been adversely criticized this year?
“It's not about this year. We're talking about youngsters, we're talking about eighteen year olds. And I remember when I was twenty two and you're thrown in the deep-end, you've been given training as a young driver through the younger series but you're not, most of them, probably don't have a PR person. The team will have a PR person but they're not looking out for you, they're looking out for the team. So, you're thrown in the deep-end and you're trying to be nice and people take advantage of you. So, my guidance, like, if I had a young driver and I was looking after him, I would put a lot of support around him so that people couldn't get to him. You know, the socials and media and stuff would not be able to affect that young individual's mindset. And I think that protecting that is really important 'cause then, you know, I think it's really about firstly them getting the opportunity and not knocking 'em down when they make mistakes. Which one of you or anyone here at eighteen years old-nineteen years old has not made mistakes? And when you do it in the spotlight it's really, really tough. And so we should be lifting these people up and giving them not just one chance, two chances, just continue to support them and just not slating them 'cause that's, it's just not nice.”
he also gave some advice for the rookies next year:
“...that I don't know! Don't do absolutely everything everyone tells you to do. Ask lots of questions. Take your time. Don't let the negativity get to you because people are so negative nowadays, judging you non-stop. So, stay off social media and keep your family and your closest friends close to you 'cause they are the only ones that are your true friends and know they are gonna be there for you when the going gets tough.”
also the vibes of this press conference were kinda funny. lewis had changed and was slaying, george was back in his puff jacket but over his race suit and carlos was still in his beanie
and when asked why george was in his puff jacket again, he said that no, he had not jumped into the fountain, he was just cold from getting soaked in champagne. and last year at vegas he said that he got pneumonia and had pneumonia from november to february and was not keen on getting a repeat of that.
but pretty much everyone had good things to say about max verstappen. including lando, who if you will remember, dragged max through the mud at the beginning of the weekend and was vaguely battling him in the championship for p1. he went up to him in the media pen and congratulated max on his win right away
and max was thankful for this, but he also told lando : “I told you, many times, there will be a day. You’ll be world champion.”
lando then said “Let’s celebrate in Abu Dhabi.”
and max said “will do”
lando also called him a motherfucker in his congratuations comment on instagram
in his interviews, lando said that he was proud of how he has improved this season and has realized how much more pressure there is when you're driving to battle for the championship. he also said that he was trying to give himself grace for not winning. he also said that he would have changed the whole car this weekend, it was that bad. though he did say that it had pretty much nothing to do with the rear wing that they couldn't use anymore
other drivers also had good things to say about max.
like franco: "its incredible what he has achieved, all the championships and races he's won. he's an incredible driver, in my opinion currently the best one in f1. he also did it with a car that wasn't the fastest…hopefully at some point we'll be able to beat him!"
and charles: "You know that he's not going to let any hundreths go and that whatever he can do to maximize the car he will do, I think like every other drivers but he's really on it every laps & you cannot really relax. But I like this challenge we've raced each other since a long time and I liked it."
george: "Max has done an amazing job and you know when he didn't have the car, he always got the best results possible & the guys he was fighting didn't. That's what makes him the champion!"
and esteban: “this year he has been the strongest out there and its been nice to watch”
max himself though was definitely enjoying his fourth championship. he said during his interview that he was “very thirsty” and then progressively started to get drunk. while in the paddock still. he started with the beer and said it was beer (after an interviewer asked if he was drinking dutch chocolate milk)
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at one point he was even double fisting gin and tonics
and i cant find my link but! he also made red bull vodkas for i think the sky sports team? which was unhinged of him.
and also possibly explains several of his highly unhinged (but very welcome) comments. including but not limited to:
max bragging that he would have won the championship in other cars as well: "Would I have become champion in the McLaren? Yes! And much earlier too. In 2021 l would have also won the title in a different car [Mercedes]. In 2022 that would have been more difficult, because Ferrari was perhaps a bit too fragile then. And last year? Well, that would have been a bit more difficult."
max absolutely flaming the hell out of zak brown TO HIS FACE over the fact that zak said that max could only win in the fastest car: “Like you said, you know, before I can only win in the fastest car, this year has been a little bit different?”
and then several interviews and several drinks later he was asked if it was true that he had “run into zak brown and tell him you can become world champion not just in the fastest car?”
“yes! and i ABSOLUTELY told him that!” max said, while drinking gin and tonic “live on sky sports.”
the red bull team were being pretty much equally as silly
i managed to lose the link somehow but one of the mechanics commented on a post about max being a 4x wdc that he knew they “didn't need that rear wing.”
and also, they did manage to remember to pack the max 4x wdc merch, but not the right rear wing
he also got very sappy about his childhood and what he would tell his younger self:
"I wouldn't tell small Max anything because small Max was not worried about anything. Small Max was just loving life: driving quadbikes, go-karts, motocross bikes, having fun with his friends, not enjoying school. Honestly? That's the beautiful part of it. You shouldn't tell him anything and just let him live his life. I wish I could see myself with small Max. It was a good time."
he also got absolutely SOAKED with champagne
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and went and did an interview for a spanish news outlet saying that charles was going to be the next world champion.
oh. speaking of charles.
he was not having nearly as good a time as max was. or even george was.
he was actually getting nearly possessed by american psycho.
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and in case you cant hear him , this boils down to basically this:
bryan (race engineer) : "pick up please"
charles: "yes whatever you want. as always."
bryan: "you did your job"
charles: "yeah, yeah, I did my job, but being nice fucks me over all the fucking time, all the fucking time. it's not even being nice, it's just being respectful."
fred (team principal): "Charles. CHARLES." charles: "i know I need to shut up, but at one point it's always the same. oh my fucking god"
bryan: "ok but anyway you did the right thing for the team"
bryan: "and pick up please" charles "yeah yeah fucking pick up what the fuck you want"
charles: "the radio is on. sorry"
(and team red line, max’s e racing team, really tried their damndest to get charles his community service date with max for this with one of their members tweeting “community service coming for you after that teamradio”)
but what did happen here?
well. this is not the first season that charles has done what ferrari tells him to do and then still manages to get screwed over. so this seemed to come from a place of frustration at the team more than anything else. he did have some other radios during the race that were angry, including “FUCKING STUPID” which i think was when carlos crossed the pit lane entry (which ne never did get a penalty for) and saying “NICE. AMAZING.” after being told they would swap cars (so charles would be ahead.)
he said in his post race interview that “But it's just frustrating when it's like this and it's been frustrating for me, but i can understand that nobody understands that.”
he also though said that "I am not happy about Carlos, but I won't go into details. Why? Because we talk about these things before the race, and I'm always the only one who respects those agreements. From now on I will be thinking about myself only. It's a shame that i couldn't get more points on lando."
carlos also had some, albeit not as intense things to say about it.
first he spoke about the pit stop fuck up, saying that
“I don't want to look for who's at fault. It's not the moment to talk or analyze. We need to look [at what happened.] I was already asking to pit 2 laps earlier because I knew Charles was faster and I wanted to let him by, but I wanted to get out of the way. Hamilton was coming behind him and I knew chaos was coming there. I asked to be pitted because there was a lot of graining and we couldn't do anything there. We didn't pit and I stayed out for 2 laps. Even on the lap where I wanted to pit, we made a mess at the pit entry and things didn't go well, but they didn't go well for me, they didn't go well for Charles. I also lost a lot of race time there. It wasn't a nice situation and it wasn't easy to manage. It went like this and that's why I prefer to analyze later and not speak in front of a mic.”
he did acknowledge that charles probably wasn't happy with him during the press conference, saying that "i guess he [charles] isn't happy but i'm also not happy with the way things were handled at the time,i think no one's happy today the in the team because we all expected a bit more [...]."
but he also repeated that “I agreed not to talk to the media because we always talk here, we always make a mess. I agreed with him not to say anything to the media.” and “It's stuff between me and him. I never open the radio, I never talk to the media because I don't like it. It's not a nice thing to do. It's not necessary.”
and planet f1 released a whole article that effectively backed carlos up.
still, charles was effectively still in time out because this was the statement that got released. usually these are with the drivers and done over video. charles just released a written statement:
“I finished the race where I started it today, so it wasn't that exciting, but if you look at the details it was quite an eventful one. Unfortunately, we degraded the fronts on the first stint on Mediums, then we were able to come back on the Hards which were working better. Big congratulations to Max (Verstappen). He deserves this championship title, he has had an [amazing season and always maximised his results which has paid off for him. It gives us motivation to be even stronger next year and hopefully we can put him under some more pressure then. We will push hard in the last two races to try to finish the season ahead of McLaren”
he also posted an instagram post that tagged max (but did not follow him back cause remember that whole stupid thing?) and in this poto fump there was not a single photo of carlos, but there was one with lewis which was relieving, save the caption:
“First of all, a huge congrats to @maxverstappen for his 4th title, fully deserved. Now only 2 races to go, got to maximise everything on my side to try and take that P2 in the drivers championship and the constructors title. Let's goooo”
he also posted a picture of lewis and tagged him in it.
but during the interviews in vegas, he was so caught up in the ferrari team drama that he forgot max won the championship.
"It was a track where we had to be pretty fast, the Mercedes were untouchable, we got the best possible result. Verstappen champion? Oh yes that's right &, I forgot, well done to him, he had an exceptional season, he deserves it."
though maybe that was all the weed that was still in the paddock.
charles wasn't the only one pissed over his radio. for example kevin saying “that's not a good thing. that's not a good thing” when his engineer praised him for doing a one stop.
and also zhou said “See you fucking later, Colapinto” as he passed him.
someone who was not angry though was one nico rosberg, who did not commentate this weekend but he was there, networking for one of his many side projects, finally not wearing beige, and busting out his only dance move in a club, the elbows
so the drivers championship is squared away. constructors is next. we will see how this one shakes out in qatar. only two more to go. see you then.
the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)
Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2
hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long).
what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.
the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)
and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024
and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!
anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.
but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go.
first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now.
what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness:
george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt
fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.
we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory.
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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though
and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.
also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.
he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting
charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.
oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc
max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.
we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago.
heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:
lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki.
lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around
george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged
george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something
max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding.
and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)
and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip
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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama
haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”
in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.
adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where!
ferrari? no that would be too obvious.
mercedes? nah
williams? no too much of a shit show
aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show!
that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025.
apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power.
he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari.
fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.
by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).
lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:
"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."
mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:
mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical.
lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….
and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."
max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."
and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can.
a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile.
but! there is more!
daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.
which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.
which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off.
and with that. the baku lore.
theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events.
such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:
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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that
the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully
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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.
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speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls.
then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks.
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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.
some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right?
franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying.
also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say.
but alas. qualifying.
i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE.
so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box.
max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that.
slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster)
charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won.
and franco has never been to baku before.
i think that's all the exposition that we need here.
q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3.
the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice.
the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando.
lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault)
now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag.
if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader.
in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.
and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up.
q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled.
in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow”
and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon.
max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th.
and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race.
steaming on forward to q3.
we had, for review, in q3 the following:
both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri.
right out the gate it was wild.
“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment.
everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer.
here were the standings:
charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando
and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-
wait a second what is that
could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!
oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk
meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.
and what do you know i have time
so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say
"the williams still has the air box fan in"
"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.
and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:
"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"
alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap.
franco did tho!
and here were out qualifying results:
p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban
oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit.
everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second
onto the race.
notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.
and so, we head into lap 1.
charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth.
someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid.
by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a spot to nico.
also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.
and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio.
yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being.
franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL.
lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past.
george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break.
on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th.
and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap.
several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo.
“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly.
mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando.
and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do?
they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race.
remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.
lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits.
thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo.
mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!
meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control.
several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done.
ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place.
charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said.
carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th
this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.
also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.”
max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not.
but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”
this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to.
meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working.
lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando.
“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too.
10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:
oscar
+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu
lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max
at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”
“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct.
we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.
definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem.
oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.”
and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship.
“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)
meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!!
but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened.
what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash.
the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.
and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:
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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car.
which meant
OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP
and george inherited p3!
and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit!
“yes!” he whispered over the radio.
he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating.
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he also got driver of the day!
(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)
gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting.
george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner”
charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice.
oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.
and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!
the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled:
and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them
(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)
george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium
the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:
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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran:
-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management
-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically.
-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season
-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)
-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red
-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters.
-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)
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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now”
-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.”
-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram.
-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.
-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today!
-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now.
-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren.
-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast
and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise.
see you all soon!!!
#not a tag#from saph#saph explains silly season 2024#every image on this post is 4 pixels im sorry#las vegas gp 2024#if this doesnt post i give up#Youtube#Instagram
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See You Soon
"Bag" - Jegulus Microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 688 words
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Sirius raised his hands in a placating motion. "Look, it's fine. We can borrow some of Remus's stuff -"
"I don't want Remus's stuff, I want mine," Regulus interrupted. "I want my notes, with my highlighters, and my pens, Sirius! I need my bag, I can't go to class -"
"You can live without it for one day." Sirius must have seen the complete panic in his expression, because he stepped back before switching tactics. "Please? I just - I really can't drive all the way to your flat right now, or we'll both be late for class, and you hate being late, Reg. You can copy notes in one of my notebooks, and then you can switch them over when you get home."
It was logical. It made sense.
The thought of doing it made Regulus want to break into tears.
"I need a minute."
"Reg, we can -"
"Sirius, I need a minute," Regulus repeated, blinking quickly and grabbing his phone. "I'll be back, it's fine, I just -" his voice caught, and he shook his head before turning and retreating into the guest room he'd crashed in last night.
He shut the door and held the phone up to his ear, praying James had a minute -
"Good morning, love."
Even through the chaos in his head, James's voice made him smile. "Good morning."
"What's wrong?"
Regulus shook his head, though James couldn't see him over the phone. "I'm freaking out over nothing again, and I just needed to talk to you. Just for a minute, I know you're busy."
"I have all the time in the world for you," James promised. "You know that. What's going on?"
"It's dumb," Regulus admitted. He blew out a breath, angrily swiping at the tears that had managed to fall. "You know how we got back late last night?"
"Yeah, and you crashed with Sirius."
"Yeah." Regulus took a deep breath as the panic rose up again. "I have classes. But I don't have my bag with all of my school stuff, and I can't do my morning routine today, and I'm in the wrong apartment, and I woke up in the wrong bed, and every single morning you wake me up and you kiss me and tell me to have a good day and that you'll see me later, but I'm not home and everything is screwed up!"
"Oh, love. I'm so sorry," James replied. "That's a lot of things out of place today, yeah?"
Regulus nodded. He needed his routines, he needed his patterns. They made the day go well, they made sure he was okay to go to class. Everything felt wrong without them. "Sirius was trying to help, and he said that I could use some of Remus's stuff or his, but that's not - it's just not -"
"It's not your stuff," James finished gently. "I get it. It's okay."
"I just - the plan is all ruined now," Regulus felt stupid. He knew that none of this should matter. Not as much as it did, at least. But he hated when things went off-balance - it made him panic, it meant he wasn't in control. It meant he wasn't safe.
"Can we make a new plan?" James asked. "Would that work?"
Regulus shrugged. "Maybe. I guess."
James didn't mind his less-than-enthusiastic response. "Okay. So I'm going to suggest one, and you tell me what we're changing, okay?"
Regulus reminded himself to breathe slower. "Okay."
"You can let Sirius drive you to school," James started. "And I'll meet you there with your bag. Then I'll still kiss you and tell you to have a good day, and I'll pick you up after class is over, and we can come home and decompress. Does that sound alright?"
Regulus felt the chaos settle as he thought about it. "Yeah."
He'd have his stuff. He'd see James. Everything important would still happen.
"Okay, then. That's our plan."
Regulus nodded one more time. "Thank you."
"Anytime, love. I'm getting in the car now, I'll see you soon, okay? I love you."
"I love you, too," Regulus breathed. He took another deep breath. "And I'll see you soon."
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이찬 // Lee Chan [Dino] Fic Recsᡣ𐭩
세상에 시드는 꽃은 많지만 여기 있는 것들은 시들지가 않아~
Main Recs Masterlist
MINORS DNI!!!!!!!
Please like and reblog the fics to show the creators love and support~
“Scored” by @leejungchans
Fem!reader || uni au, enemies to lovers, fluff, humour || W.C: 12.4k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･lee chan should really stop winning so many games for your university, because as the resident writer for the sports column of the student newsletter, you’re starting to get really sick of having to cross paths with him all the time.
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“Light of My Life, Treasure of My Memories” by @idyllic-ghost
Sci-fi au, right person wrong time, angst, fluff, heavy topics || W.C: 16k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･The life of a researcher is dull when every answer you seek is at the tip of your fingers. New technology may have brought us a comfortable life, but for you it was almost torture. There had to be something more. So when you got the opportunity to be a researcher for the cognitive sciences of Automatons, you took it. But what happens if the outcome isn’t what you expected? What if these beings you call robots have life? How does one define the essence of life? More importantly, how could you stay objective when you were slowly falling in love with your test subject?
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“Love Guard” by @tqmies
Fem!reader || summer au, enemies(one-sided) to lovers, fluff || W.C: 9.2k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Lifeguard Lee Chan is a pain in your ass, and you swear he's only picked up this job to ogle at girls in bikinis. Little did you know, the only girl he wants to look at is you — not that you'd ever let him tell you that though — Especially now that you're convinced he's in love with your co-worker.
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“Distraction, A Fatal Attraction” by @sohnric
Fem!reader || college au, strangers to lovers, fluff || W.C: 7k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･You and Lee Chan seem to have the same clubbing tendencies. That being: drinking a little too much at times and getting a little too touchy when doing so. (Or - you and Lee Chan have kissed a concerning amout of times before he finally asks for permisson.)
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“Memories That Resemble You” by @viastro
Gn!reader || strangers to lovers, angst, some fluff, some humour || W.C: 11.2k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･the people that you’ve met are meant to be there in your life, on most occasions. however, the person that you’ve set up your whole life with is one where you know they’re irreplaceable. with every flashback that you may encounter comes hope for the upcoming future, and that was the reason why you were always looking forward to meeting him.
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“Mind Your Business” by @bitchlessdino
Fem!reader || frenemies au, supernatural comedy, smut || W.C: 12.4k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･If Chan had to read anyone’s mind, it had to be yours—the one person who seemed to loathe him with every ounce of your being. But before Halloween day, when that wish is suddenly granted, he begins to realize he’s opened a can of worms far bigger than he ever imagined—one that can’t be sealed shut again.
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“Chapter One: How To Not Get Stabbed” by @mr-cha-n
Superhero au, action, smut, angst, fluff || W.C: 22.2k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･The peace of quiet of your garage is only broken by the hum of machines and clanking tools, and you like it that way - until a superhero crashes his car straight into your door.
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“In Case You Didn’t Know” by @shuadotcom
Fem!reader || 90s au, roommates au, brother's best friend, fluff, romance, smut, little angst || W.C: 28.8k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Chan has always been just one of your step-brother’s best friends. He’s also been in love with you for as long as everyone remembers, but you never paid him much mind - that is until you decide to return home after many years away and you see the man he’s become. He goes from being your little brother’s best friend to being the perfect man for you in a matter of months. Now the questions are who wants who more and will either of you do anything about your feelings?
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“Promise Ring” by @lovelyhan
Royalty au, fantasy, childhood friends, mutual pining, love triangle, drama, slowburn, angst, smut || W.C: 21k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･no one would've guessed that the daughter of the town’s royal mage has a soft spot for the clumsiest fire elemental in the entire realm. but when the crown prince suddenly asks for your hand in marriage, you're forced to consider how you feel about a certain lee jung chan a lot more seriously.
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“Take My Hands (We Can Fall Together)” by @the-boy-meets-evil
Fem!reader || brother's best friend, friends to ??, pining, slowburn, fluff, some angst, smut || W.C: ~23.5k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･chan's known you for years and he knows you're friends, but you've always felt just a little bit out of reach. like you see him as someone your brother brought into the friend group when you were kids. he's fine with that. still, it's hard to watch you settle for relationships where you're never the priority. when the weather starts cooling off, chan figures your favorite season is the time to show you that you deserve better. even if it's not him.
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“Rates of Change” by @wqnwoos
Uni au, idiots to lovers, fluff, minor angst || W.C: 10.2k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Your first and only semester as TA throws your previously unassuming college life into disarray, fuelled almost entirely by the brown-eyed and charming student who’s slipping closer to failing with every lecture. And in return for your mathematical assistance, Lee Chan decides he’s going to set you up with the guy you’ve been persistently pining over for a year and a half. It’s a simple equation: you teach him calculus, and he’ll teach you how to flirt. Except, as you’re both quick to discover, mathematical equations don’t translate over to real life as easily as you’d expect.
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“Blood & Popcorn” by @sailorrhansol
Fem!reader || friends to lovers, angst, fluff, smut || W.C: 11.3k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･Fridays are reserved for watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and stuffing your face with popcorn and pizza. It’s been like that for you and Chan since your freshman year of college. But when he skips your Blood and Popcorn night for a date, things take an unexpected turn.
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“A Story About Us” by @wavesmp3
Fem!reader || dark piece, angst, minor gore || W.C: 15.6k
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“Lee Chan Needs Love Too” by @bitchlessdino
Fem!reader || college au, smut, humour || W.C: 9.3k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･There was Lee Chan from High school and now Lee Chan from college. You insist they are not the same person. The only thing they have in common is they both got to fuck you.
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“Ten Dates: Unmatched” by @xunolic
Fem!reader || Exes to not quite enemies to lovers, romcom, angst, smut || W.C: 17.9k
⋆.ೃ࿔*:･once you and chan broke up, you decided to be cordial enough to stay friends with him. however, you’ve finally moved on and are taking on dating again. as you beg chan for advice, you should've known he’d grow tired of it.
Please let me know if the links have any problems~
#skye's recsᡣ𐭩#seventeen fic recs#lee chan fic recs#seventeen x reader#dino x reader#chan x reader#lee chan imagines#dino imagines#lee chan fluff#lee chan smut#lee chan angst#chan fic recs#dino fic recs#lee chan#seventeen imagines#lee chan fanfic
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Hiccupsᯓ★ || Joost Klein x Reader TWs: Drunk Joost, Google translate Dutch, a brief description of a sticky bar floor lol A/N: I'm baaack! <3 took a hiatus to literally breathe but I'm so locked in rn
Joost was a very open book when it came to his partying habits. He never denied that he loved to have a good time outside, with the world around him spinning just enough to liquify any looming anxiety.
You knew he knew how to take care of himself, which is why you never worried when he stayed out til asscrack in the morning. Especially if he was with friends; they’d make sure they were safe.
As long as you were able to call and check on him, which you were, you were alright.
So you sat on the couch, all warm and comfortable after your scalding shower as you dined on a frozen key lime pie you had forgotten about in the back of the freezer.
You scrolled on your phone, sinker deeper and deeper into your digital rabbit hole while the clock struck 1. Great.
You missed your man! He had been out the house for nearly 8 hours and you were starting to lose hearing in your left eye the longer he stayed out.
But fortunately for you, Joost was over at the bar completely smashed, ranting endlessly about how much he misses his girlfriend.
“Ik—“ he hiccuped, black shades doing very little to aid the way the ground below him rotated. “ik mis mijn vriendin…” he garbled, stumbling across the hardwood floors that had stuck to his boots, a gross testimony to how much the bar had endured that day.
“IK MIS MIJN VRIENDIN!” He hollered, prompting Apson to slap a hand over his mouth.
“Ok, okay, kop dicht! Je zult je vriendin zien” he murmured, standing up from the bar and helping Joost make his way out.
It took the strength of 3 men to haul Joost into the Uber, and about 10 seconds for Teun to be pinned with the job of making sure he got home safe. Y’know, being drunk and all.
The drinks Joost had swallowed back at the bar had long since tasted like go home, and he made that very clear to Teun in the car as he stammered in Dutch about how much he misses his woman and how bright the world was getting.
Fortunately Teun didn’t mind, but all he could really do was assure Joost that the car ride wouldn’t be too long.
As soon as the car came to a halt, Joost was already halfway out. Scrambling across his front lawn.
If his legs weren’t so long and sturdy, he’d be crawling across the pavement; sloshing around on the sidewalk as he did his best to make his way up the stairs without any help from Teun.
He didn’t necessarily enjoy being THIS drunk, but he deserved a little something after all the bullshit he endured this year. Life was rough, but Hennessy was rougher.
“Wees voorzichtig, jonge! Slaap lekker” Teun chuckled, watching as Joost gave him a drunken wave.
From the moment he made it in his house, his shoes were kicked off and his sunglasses were somewhere on the ground.
“Joost? That you?” You murmured, tearing your attention away from the TV.
It was very obviously him. There was no other person in the world that could be hitting the floor that hard sober.
“Schatjeeee!” He beamed, lazily shuffling to the living room where he found you lying on the couch. “I missed you!”
He flopped on top of you, caging you in between the soft cottony fabric of the couch and the rough and sleek leather of his jacket while maintaining somewhat of a concern about not crushing you.
“Hi, Jojo” you smirked, wrapping your arms around his neck gingerly as he smushed his cheek as close to yours as possible.
“Hey—*hic!* liefje…” he beamed, crashing on top of you with little to no regard of his size. Joost was big, and that wasn’t a secret. His paths of blonde hair could be seen over every store shelf, the angelic rays of light poking through your day-to-day life.
So ooh boy. Believe it or not that man is HEAVY.
“Oh! Okay, okay babe…” you stammered, fighting against the will of god for some air. “Let’s…let’s get you some water.”
He groaned, or maybe even growled quietly as you tried to stand up. One thing for sure and two things for certain, Joost was a stubborn man.
“Nee…blifj bij mij” he huffed, put still reluctantly let his legs be guided alongside yours as you started walking away, too stubborn to actually let you get too far from him.
You’d never bribe your boyfriend, no! But when you were faced with a man who stood around 188-190 centimeters, you do whatever you can to make sure he doesn’t realize he’s 188-190 centimeters. Not while he’s drunk, anyway.
“Joost, c’mon! If you drink some water I’ll give you a surprise when we get back to our room,” you purred, handing him the freshly cracked bottle of water and watching as he gulped down a good half in a matter of a few seconds.
And when he finally drank some water, he felt a little bit more level headed. Like a few cogs began to turn again.
You smiled at him, gesturing for him to follow you subtly before making your way to your room, knowing he would follow you even if you didn’t ask him to.
When you entered your shared room, you smiled internally at how you could almost pick apart the different components of your personalities that resided within the space.
Mini action figures, Funko pops, press on nails, Disney merch, some nerdy series posters that hung on the walls, and an assortment of different color vinyls on their respective shelf.
You turned around briefly, making sure Joost was still standing upright before gently guiding him to bed.
He smiled, his tired sapphires twinkling at you with pure admiration as you pulled the blanket over the pair of you, knowing he’d complain in a few minutes about the frigid A/C “freezing his nuts off” if you didn’t.
“Goodnight, Joost” you hummed, gently cupping your hand over the side of his face lovingly as he took it upon himself to try and crawl in your skin.
He protested, arguing something along the lines of “no surprise” and “you liar” as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.
“You’re drunk…You’ll have lots of time with me when you’re sober” you chuckled, sliding your pointer and middle finger over his eyes, prompting them to close.
“Now get some sleep, please.”
“I love you, liefje…”
“I love you too.”
#joost klein fanfic#joost klein x reader#joost klein x you#joost x reader#joost klein#joost x you#joost klein x y/n#Drunk!Joost is my favorite thing to write LMFAOOO#joost fic#joost fanfic
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made up some random homicipher backstory headcanons for the characters because im bored af right now
I'm kinda going off the thing from the game that some of the ghosts in the otherworld used to be humans for these headcanons so. Also pls don't take these things seriously & they might be inconsistent with the actual canon of the game because some of these I just pulled outta my ass ok.
+ might delete later if I eventually find this cringe but idk man.
Mr. Crawling
One of the oldest residents in the otherworld. He's been here since old Japan days
Him and Scarletella actually used to be friends back when he was alive
Something happened between them during that, which caused their friendship to fall apart
One day his village was suddenly attacked, was severely wounded, but escaped
He then somehow crawled his way to the ghost apartments, where he was found by Scarletella
He pleased Scarletella for help but he didn't do anything, simply watching as he slowly died
He's been wandering the otherworld ever since and warned people he could find to stay away from a man dressed in all-red
I definitely did not pull so much shit about them outta my ass all because I ship scarling. Definitely not
Mr. Silvair
used to be a med student
likes horror movies & urban legends
one rainy day, he saw the ghost apartments & strolled in out of curiosity... little did he know he would be trapped forever
his time as a med school student & his lile of horror eventually gave way into the making of his "research" room
Hairdresser (she's so underrated tbh)
Was a highschool girl prior to becoming a ghost
Parents owned a hair salon
Was bullied in school
One day, her bullies planned to prank her by taking her stuff and telling her that it's somewhere in the ghost apartmenys
She goes in to search for her stuff, but never comes back
The Bride
Used to be a known dressmaker in her town
Died in a car crash on the way to her wedding after the car's driver tried to avoid hitting a red figure that suddenly appeared in the rain
The reason she's headless is not because she was decapitated, but because it resembles all the headless mannequins she used to work with during her dressmaking days
Mr. Gap
Used to be a shut-in while he was alive
Chronically online, rarely left his room, and often ordered stuff online to survive
The delivery men were often creeped out by him whenever he opens his door since he looked musty af + his room was always dark
Had a bunch of online friends
One day, he opens his door to find a man in all-red, asking for his name
Confused, he tells the mysterious man his name
Then later was suddenly found dead in his room, his heart mysteriously gone from his corpse
Mr Scarletella
probably the only one in the cast to have never been human idk
can actually kinda speak human language unlike the rest??
that's the only things I could come up about him rn sorrrrryyyy
Mr Hugeface
got lost & became a ghost after he entered the ghost apartments in search of his lost pet
Was alot taller than his peers
idk about him he was a last minute addition
Miscellaneous:
I came up with a tiny headcanon that the reason mr silvair, the hairdresser, hugeface & eventually the MC have white hair is because they were the humans that had once willingly entered the apartments prior to getting trapped there
#homicipher#文字化化#mr crawling#mr silvair#mr gap#the bride#hairdresser#mr scarletella#mr hugeface#homicipher headcanons
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qatar gp 2024: penalties and safety cars galore indeed. here is an attempted compilation of all the notable incidents and penalties (+ penalty points) that fia threw around like free cookies
im attempting this in a chronological order following the issuance of the penalties but. they were so many things happening so whatever we ball. and as always thank you my fantastic f1 mother @missed-apexes
so first of all. we all know of the max one position grid penalty (+1 pp) but of course, he beautifully overtook george right off in turn 1! love that for him
first crash, esteban, franco, and nico collision. franco and esteban were out, nico slightly damaged (?)
first penalty issued in the race: alex & lance collision. stroll retires eventually, while getting a 10s penalty. he might serve this next race?
lewis hamilton had a false start. 5s penalty.
bottas and lawson near-collision(?). apparently liam understeered/spun and bottas had to go wide to avoid. liam gets 10s penalty (+2 pp).
insert zhou's very magnificent overtaking yuki!
george was consistently on p2 and pitted but was fucked over by his 7s pit stop. rest in rip.
alex's wing mirror fell on the track. the shot of the singular mirror lying there on the track was comical but the delay of sc or any actions taken about it is insane even the commentators were confused
bottas drove over the wing mirror, got damage. the debris fluttered all over the track and caused puncture to lewis and sainz.
safety car for the debris was finally deployed 4 LAPS LATE (wtf race control)
perez lost drive, dropped to the last from what i remember was p5-6, and retired. not sure if this was during or after the safety car ended.
nico hulkenberg also out. his tyres just. gave out and he spun. at this point survival is optional in the qatar gp.
another safety car here. perez riding the scooter can be seen
lando not lifting during double waved yellow flags on the straights (this happened before the sc was deployed for the debris). 10s stop/go penalty (+3 pp). this was a massive gamechanger for the podium as he was stable on p2. and a stop/go specifically... well, as a mclaren hater i rejoiced. (3 penalty points is crazy though)
another collision for alex, with k-mag this time. 10s penalty (+2 pp) for alex.
lewis apparently did a lil speeding in the pitlane. drive-through penalty.
lewis was told to retire the car but ignored it.
george did a sc infringement (which i did not see so im not sure what exactly happened). a fia update stated his car was more than 20 car lengths behind, when it is supposed to be 10. 5s penalty (+1 pp).
DRIVER OF THE DAY: ZHOU GUANYU (P8) im so happy for him. literally carried kick's points this season (4 points).
podium result: max p1, charles p2, oscar p3, and it's insane charles did all that without drinking because his drinking system broke. forza ferrari.
charles is now only 8 points behind norris in the wdc!
birth of gax/rustappen beef ;
outside race bonus: max being extremely pissed at george, saying he's lost all respect for him and can't stand him because "he's always acting polite in front of cameras but inside there he's a completely different person." gax beef in 2024... interesting.
edit: addition on the last point as requested by oomf, in the press conference max stated that george was trying all he can to screw max over and pushing for the penalty. max kept trying to explain he has no motives to screw other cars over, and he's going slow following other cars' slow laps, but it felt like talking to a wall. basically, max called george a fake two-faced bitch (he didn't say this but you know what i mean) and lost all respect to him.
funny to note that this is max's 63rd win.
it is also worth noting that before the race, max had told george on the drivers parade holding room, something along the lines of "hope you and your fia mates are happy with what you've done." and according to ted the quote was actually much ruder. POP OFF
max has unfollowed george on instagram nevermind folks apparently max never followed him
stats summary ;
5 dnfs
8 penalties (incl. max's)
3 safety cars
4 collisions
9 penalty points issued (incl. max's)
1 beef
fia really said fuck your british bias allegations and went on rage mode. what the hell lmao. also shoutout to williams mechanics. you all deserve so much bonuses.
(will update more once fia docs start rolling in).
#qatar gp 2024#race notes#formula 1#f1#there is a lot to tag fuck#penalties galore#max verstappen#end of rustappen#charles leclerc#zhou guanyu#alex albon#george russell#lewis hamilton#liam lawson#valtteri bottas
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It's 3026
The local Us government has implemented a purge.
Logan and Wade of course are still alive and.. not exactly "well" but are doing fine for themselves.
Currently, Wade is stitching a hole in Logan's vintange 2060's Dickies jeans that they had bought for 5$ a pair when Dickies went out of buisness after being exposed for tax fraud and Logan is widdling a miniature of their fat little dog, who was infact still alive and laying on the lap of their skeleton of a roommate.
The oldies classical song from a very dead singer called Bruno Mars is playing changes to a broad casting alert.
"This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S Government."
"Welp... It's that time of year again." Logan mutters.
"Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed."
"Sell out pussies.." The man sewing mumbles.
"Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning, until 7 a.m., when the Purge concludes." The radio continues.
"Blessed by our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all. Goodbye. " Wade says mockingly along with the announcement.
After a moment, the music came back on, and instantly, there was already screaming and car alarms going on just a few doors down.
"I'd hope that Hope much enjoys this." Logan says, smirking, the hairs on his chin being bare of color.
Wade rolls his eyes, "Oh please. If you keep trying to make puns I might just die myself."
"You wish you could get away from me that easily." The scuff man says, working on the tail of the pudgey dog.
"He thinks he's funny, Althea."
"Oh, Don't bring her into this. Leave her be. I still can't believe you won't let me burry her."
Wade waves a hand. "Nonsense. She said she wanted to die and rot in this appartment."
"And she certianly did." He grumbles. "She STILL stinks."
"The only thing that stinks is your attitude."
"Mmh...You aren't going out this year, are you?"
"Nahh, poor girl's already so over worked this time of year, why add to it?"
"Fair.....could you turn that up though? If we aren't participating this year I rather not have to hear it." Logan mutters, his ears still very sensitive, even at this ripe fine wine age.
"Yes, dear." Wade smiles, turning up the radio to drown out the yells for help, screams of terror and crashing of glass, going back to his sweet serenity of sewing with a relaxed sigh.
If the party was over, and our time on earth is through🎶
"..i'd wanna hold you.. just for awhile.."
"Anndd DIIEEE with a ssmilee!" Even this old, Wade was never dull.
"If the world was ending.. I'd wanna be next..."
"To youu.."
Their hands touch. Eyes meet.
Even in such chaos, the outer world could never rip them apart.
#the purge#mary puppins#lady death#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool 3#deadclaws#what if#SoundCloud#blind al#implied character death
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Forgotten wishes Pt.2 | AL65 x Reader
pairing . . . arthur leclerc x ex!reader
summary . . . When you and Arthur meet again, there's a chance that there will be a happy ending
request . . . kind of!!
word count . . . 1.6k+
warnings . . . angst with fluff!
faceclaim . . . N/A
alexavia yaps . . . ok so this was a bit shitty but yeah idk i dont have anything to say </3 idk how to write pt 2s so yeah! i put a few refrences so if you guys noticed them lmk
taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaa (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)
part 1 | part 2
. . . The harbor was the same as it always had been; peaceful, vast, and filled with that haunting sense of nostalgia. The water stretched out in endless blue, the stars above twinkling like distant memories, calling you back to a time when everything felt right.
The night air was cool, the breeze carrying the salt of the ocean, but the weight of everything unsaid between you and Arthur still lingered in the air, thick and obvious.
You could feel it, the push and pull, the magnetic force that had always existed between you two. It wasn’t something that could be ignored, no matter how hard you tried to bury it. And tonight, it felt stronger than ever, as if the universe was pushing you back into his orbit, despite everything that had happened.
Despite the hurt, despite the silence that had grown between you.
You stood by the railing, watching as Arthur’s car disappeared into the distance, wondering if that was the last time you would see him. Your mind was racing, full of denial. You were angry. You were hurt.
But you were also… still in love with him.
You couldn’t help it. It was like something deep inside your chest, an ache that you couldn’t shake no matter how hard you tried.
But then, a voice, soft but clear, broke through the quiet.
"I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I couldn’t just walk away."
You turned, your heart jumping into your throat. There he was again. Arthur, standing a few feet away, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, his eyes intense but vulnerable. His voice carried the weight of his feelings, and even though you could still see the cracks in the way he stood, you couldn’t deny the genuineness there.
He wasn’t giving up. Not this time.
"You left once before, Arthur," you said, your voice low but firm, holding onto that anger like a shield. "You thought it would be easier, didn’t you? Thought walking away would solve everything."
"I did." He took a step closer, and you could see the pain in his eyes. "And I was wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn’t. I pushed you away because I thought I was saving us from… from whatever it was we were becoming. But I see now… I was just scared. And I should’ve fought for you. For us."
The vulnerability in his voice, the raw honesty, hit you harder than you expected. Your heart was racing, not from anger anymore, but from something deeper, something that had always been there, buried under the hurt and the regret.
"I didn’t want to lose you," he continued, his voice catching just slightly. "But in pushing you away, I lost you anyway."
It was quiet for a moment. The sound of the waves crashing below, the distant hum of the city, the wind tugging at your hair, all seemed to fade into the background. All that was left was you and him. The years that had passed between you. The mistakes. The memories.
And the undeniable truth that, despite everything, you still felt something.
Something stronger than the hurt.
Something that had never truly gone away.
The look of love was still there, even after everything. It was in the way his eyes softened when they met yours, the faintest smile tugging at the corner of his lips, like he couldn’t quite help himself.
But there was pain behind it. An ache that came from knowing things could never go back to what they once were. It felt like a distant memory, that love. Fading. Slipping through your fingers like water.
And yet, the rush of blood surged through you when you caught his gaze, as if the years that had passed were nothing but a blink. The heat of his stare wrapped around your chest, drawing you in despite the walls you had spent so much time building.
You wanted to look away, to stop yourself from feeling anything, but you couldn’t. It was like your heart had made its own decision, and your mind was helpless against it.
The weight of the silence between you was unbearable. It felt like an ocean, an expanse that had grown too vast to cross.
But in that moment, all it took was one look to pull you back to a time when it had all been so easy. When the world had felt simple, the love undeniable, and every touch meant forever. Now, it felt like those forever promises had been buried somewhere in the past, lost between the lines of things unsaid.
You swallowed hard, trying to suppress the emotions threatening to break free. You’d spent so long convincing yourself that you didn’t need him, that you were better off without him. But now, standing here, everything inside of you screamed that it wasn’t true.
That the love you had wasn’t something you could just throw away. And when his hand reached out, just inches away from yours, you didn’t know if you were ready to face it. You didn’t know if you could handle the pull of the past all over again.
But the truth was undeniable, the look of love never truly left, and the rush of blood you felt every time you saw him was proof enough.
That somewhere deep down, it had always remained.
"You don’t get to just waltz back into my life, Arthur," you said, your voice trembling despite yourself. You were trying to be strong, trying to guard your heart. But you knew, deep down, that this wasn’t over. That maybe it could never be over.
"I’m not asking for that." He shook his head, a small, sad smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I’m asking for a chance. A real one this time. I don’t want to fix everything in one night. But I want to start again. Slowly. If you’ll let me."
There it was. The offer. The carrot dangling in front of your eyes.
But you were still scared.
Scared that it wouldn’t work. Scared that you’d be right back here again, only with even more to lose.
But then, you saw it, the vulnerability in his eyes, the longing. And that familiar pull, the one you couldn’t resist no matter how hard you tried. It was there, strong as ever.
"I don’t know if I can trust you again," you whispered, stepping back slightly, heart pounding. "Not after everything."
"I know," Arthur said softly, stepping closer, his eyes never leaving yours. "I’ve lost your trust, and I understand that. But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to earn it back. If you’ll let me."
Your breath caught in your throat as the silence stretched between you. The tension was thick, electric, even. The space between you was filled with everything you hadn’t said, everything you hadn’t done. The words hung there like a promise unspoken, but everything inside you was screaming to bridge the gap.
You didn’t know what would happen next. Maybe you would walk away again. Maybe this would turn out like every other time. But for some reason, tonight felt different. Tonight, the past didn’t feel like a weight. It felt like a possibility. A chance for something new.
Arthur’s hand reached out, hesitating just in front of yours, like he was waiting for your permission. You hesitated for a moment, your heart beating wildly in your chest. But then you took a step forward, closing the distance between you, your fingers brushing against his. The contact was electric, a spark that ran through you like wildfire.
"I’m scared," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper, but it felt like the most honest thing you’d said in years.
Arthur’s eyes softened, and he gently took your hand in his, his grip firm but soft and gentle. "I am too. But we can be scared together, right?"
There was nothing left to say. No more words that could undo the years, no more questions that could erase the past. There was only the moment, the connection that had always been there, pulling you together like gravity.
Without thinking, you reached up, your fingers tracing his jawline, and before you could second guess yourself, you kissed him.
Softly, hesitantly, as if testing the waters, and then, as if the universe had finally allowed you both this moment, the kiss deepened. Arthur’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer, and for the first time in so long, everything felt right again. His lips moved against yours, a promise, an apology, and everything that was unsaid wrapped up in one perfect moment.
When you finally pulled away, both of you breathless, Arthur’s forehead rested gently against yours. His hand cradled the back of your head, fingers tangled in your hair. "I don’t know what comes next," he murmured, his voice soft. "But I know I want to find out with you."
And for the first time in a long time, you believed him. You didn’t have the answers, but maybe you didn’t need them. Because as long as you were together, everything else could wait. The future, the past, the mistakes.
All of it faded into the background as you stood there, in the harbor, under the stars, finally together again.
And this time, you were going to make it work. Even if it meant you'd had to die doing so.
Things fall apart and time breaks your heart.
But this time, it didn't.
#alexavia writes 🍒#alexavia yaps 🍒#f1#formula 1#formula one#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#x reader#arthur leclerc#al65#arthur leclerc fic#oneshot#fic#fanfic#f1 oneshot#arthur leclerc x reader#arthur leclerc oneshot#f1 oneshots#f1 fanfic#ferrari#scuderia ferrari#racing driver#racing#f1 racing#arthur#arthur leclerc x y/n#arthur leclerc x you#angst#f2
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Rage and Redemption Part 4
Bruce Wayne X younger adapted (female) reader
Summery: After you lose your parents in a fire and get adapted by Bruce Wayne, you make it a mission to make Bruce's life a living hell.
TRIGGER WARNING!
Rating: A lot of angst, cursing, almost getting seriously hurt, slightly suicidal. No death or bodily harm.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5
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Next few weeks, you lived up to your word. You made sure that Bruce Wayne's mansion knew you were there. You broke a vase here, a lamp there, and the occasional window that was too easy to shatter with a thrown rock from the garden. But Bruce never raised his voice, never even scolded you. His patience was like a wall that no matter how hard you threw yourself against, it never crumbled.
When you couldn't sleep, you made it so no one could. You'd sneak into the kitchen at midnight and whip up a storm with pots and pans, or blast music from the state-of-the-art sound system. You figured if you couldn't break him, you could at least annoy him into sending you away. But every morning, Alfred would serve you breakfast with a stiff smile, and Bruce would greet you with an eerie calm.
Little did you know about Bruce's nightly rituals, the quiet moments in his bat cave, and the battles he waged within his mind as he watched over Gotham. The chaos you brought to the mansion was a mere echo of the tumult he faced each night.
You tried whatever you could to make Bruce mad—crashing the expensive sports car into a fountain, "accidentally" knocking over his prized collection of antiques, even stealing his card and buying a ridiculous number of pizzas and leaving them on the doorstep for Alfred to deal with. But Bruce took it all in stride, his jaw never clenching, his eyes never flashing with anger.
It was infuriating. You've even tried annoying Alfred, the stoic butler who seemed impervious to your antics. You never really ate any food, you just threw it. The walls of the dining room had become a Jackson Pollock painting of your angst. You'd fling the food with gleeful abandon, watching as peas bounced off the wood paneling and gravy dripped from the chandeliers. The sound of shattering glass became a twisted symphony to your ears, echoing through the grand halls with a cathartic finality. You'd watch as Alfred calmly picked up the pieces, his sighs the only indication of his exasperation.
But then, something changed. The China plates were replaced with unbreakable polycarbonate. The delicate wine glasses with durable, unshatterable tumblers. The rich, messy steaks with easy-to-clean, baked salmon. Alfred served the food, his eyes never leaving yours as he laid the food before you. The kitchen, once your battleground, had become a no-man's land of Tupperware and paper plates.
"Is this a joke?" you snarled, pushing the plate away. It was like a slap in the face. You could feel your temper rising, the heat of it burning your cheeks.
"Perhaps you could find another outlet for your…creativity," Alfred said calmly, refilling your water glass.
Ignoring his words, you grabbed a piece of salmon with your bare hand, the flaky flesh cold and slippery, and flung it across the room. It hit the wall with a wet splat, leaving a greasy stain on the priceless tapestry. The smell of fish filled the air, mingling with the scent of polished wood and leather from the dining room chairs. You watched with a twisted satisfaction as Alfred's smile remained fixed, not a single twitch of annoyance.
"I'm not hungry," you spat out, your voice echoing through the hollow room. You threw another piece of food, this time a dollop of mashed potatoes that stuck to the ceiling before sliding down like a sludgy waterfall. You felt the tension in your chest tighten, the need to break something, anything, to get a reaction. But the room remained unfazed as if it had seen worse, much worse.
Alfred's gaze lingered on you, his eyes filled with a mix of annoyance and something else you couldn't quite place. "You never are, miss," he said, glancing at how skinny you are. His voice was softer now, the edge of a smile gone, replaced with a look of genuine concern.
You pushed back your chair, the legs screeching against the marble floor, and stormed out of the dining room. The sound echoed through the cavernous mansion like a gunshot. You felt your rage building with every step. You needed to do something, anything, to crack the cool veneer of Bruce Wayne and his ever-watchful butler.
One late afternoon, Bruce was in his office, the walls lined with bookshelves that seemed to whisper secrets in the dimming light. The sound of broken glass echoed through the mansion. You're at it again. You shattered a vase, a symbol of your rage and frustration.
He sighed heavily and stood up from his desk, the leather chair groaning in protest. He knew it was you. You had a way of making your presence known without ever speaking a word. As he walked down the hallway, the echo of two more vases shattering filled the air. You were on a rampage, and it was his turn to face the music.
When he arrived at the foyer, you were indeed sitting on the railing stairs leading to the second floor, your legs swinging over the edge, a vase in your hand. You looked down at him with a mischievous smile, your eyes sparkling with a challenge. "Oppsy," you said as if you hadn't meant to drop the vase.
"Is there a reason why you're throwing Alfried's vases?" Bruce asked, his voice measured, his eyes searching yours.
You shrugged, the vase in your hand feeling suddenly heavier. "The butler gave me paper plates," you said, your voice a mix of defiance and amusement. "Like I'm not even worth the good China."
Bruce's eyes narrowed slightly, his gaze never leaving yours. "It's not about that, is it?" he asked, his voice gentle but firm.
Before you could respond, a commotion echoed through the house. An older boy with a mop of black hair came sprinting in, his eyes wide with concern. "Bruce, everything okay? I heard-" He skidded to a halt when he saw the wreckage, "Wow, what happened here?"
Bruce's gaze flicked to Dick, and his expression softened. "Your new sister decided to redecorate," he said, gesturing up the stairs to where you sat, the vase still clutched in your hand.
Your heart stopped for a moment, and you felt a fury boil in your chest. "I'm nobody's sister, asshole." you spat, throwing the vase at Bruce. It shattered at his feet, shards of porcelain and petals of rage scattered across the gleaming floor.
But the young man, Dick Grayson, didn't seem to mind. He took it all in stride, a grin spreading across his face as he looked up at you. "Wow, you've got a problem," he said, his voice filled with genuine admiration. "I like you already. Oh, I'm Dick by the way."
"The name fits," you said with a smirk, your voice filled with more amusement than you had intended.
Dick chuckles, still looking up at you with his hands on his hips. "Yeah, never mind, she's a bitch. I see why you brought her,"
Bruce's gaze snaps to Dick, his voice firm, "Dick, please. Watch your language."
Dick's grin widens, mischief sparkling in his eyes. "What? She started it," he says, pointing at you, his tone playful. "Besides I think she got more bark than bite."
You glare at him, ready to prove him wrong, you take another vase and lift it.
"Okay, where are you finding these?" Dick asks, his eyes darting around the foyer, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
You ignore him and throw the vase. It arcs through the air, a silent scream of your anger, and for a moment, it seems to hang there, suspended by your rage alone. Then Bruce catches it with one hand. The shatter of breaking glass is replaced by the sound of his grip tightening around the vase's neck. His eyes never leave yours, his expression a mix of disappointment and understanding.
He had caught it. He actually caught it. You hadn't seen that coming, and for a moment, you're lost for words. The vase is whole in his hand, and you can feel the shock resonating through your body, like a cold shockwave from the explosion of your old life. You sit on the railing, your arm still extended from where you threw it, your mouth agape.
Bruce sets the vase down gently on a side table, the sound of it settling echoing through the silence.
"Are you done?" he asks, his voice steady despite the chaos you had just created.
But you weren't done. The fury inside you was like a wildfire, and it had no intention of being tamed. You stand on the railing, the cold wood pressing into your bare feet, sending a shiver up your spine. The drop to the floor below looks like an abyss, a chasm that mirrors the one inside you.
Bruce's eyes widen, his hand reaching out instinctively to grab you, even with you out of his reach. "What are you doing?" he asks, his voice tight with concern.
You sneered at him. "You want to see what it looks like?" you spit the words out, your voice filled with a bitterness that surprised even you. "This is what it looks like," you gesture to the chaos around you. "This is what you're signing up for."
But Bruce didn't flinch. His hand remained outstretched, his eyes filled with a gentle concern that you hadn't seen since the night he'd saved you from the fire. "Sweetheart," he said, his voice low and soothing, "please get down. You're going to hurt yourself."
The word "sweetheart" grated on your nerves. You weren't anyone's sweetheart, especially not his. "You don't get to tell me what to do!" you screamed, the rage bubbling up like lava in a volcano, threatening to consume you whole. You felt the railing wobble beneath you, but you didn't care.
Bruce took a step closer, his hand still reaching out to you, the calmness in his eyes unwavering. "Come on," he said, his voice soothing. "You could fall."
You leaned back, the railing digging into your skin, "Why shouldn't I?" you screamed, the words tearing from your chest like shards of glass. "They're all dead! My mom, my dad. Gone. And I'm stuck here with strangers in a mansion that isn't mine!"
Without a warning, your feet slipped, the railing betraying you, and you plummeted towards the cold marble, broken vase pile, below. But before you could hit the unforgiving surface, strong arms caught you and pulled you back to safety. Bruce had moved faster than you ever thought possible, catching you in a grip that was firm yet gentle. You struggled against him, your anger a living force that didn't want to be contained.
"Let me go!" you screamed, trying to wriggle free. "Let me go!" You wanted to fall, to feel the pain that matched the agony in your soul. But Bruce's arms held you firmly, his grip a lifeline that you despised and craved all at once.
"Sweetheart," he said again, his voice a gentle reprimand. "You need to stop. You're going to get yourself seriously hurt."
You thrashed in his arms, desperate to escape, to feel something other than the burning in your chest. "Don't call me that!" you screamed, your fists pounding against his chest. "You have no right! You're not my family! You're not anything!"
But his grip held firm, his eyes never leaving yours. "Right now," he said, his voice steady as a rock in a storm, "I'm stopping you from hurting yourself. Do you want to hurt yourself?"
"You don't care! Nobody does," you screamed at him, tears stinging your eyes. You could feel your heart racing against his chest, the beat of your anger pulsing with every breath. "I'm just a troublemaking orphan with no care in the world! Now let me go!"
But he didn't. He adjusted you in his arms as he started walking up the stairs, his steps measured and calculated. His embrace was like a cage made of iron bars, keeping you from the freedom of the fall you had craved.
"I do care," he said, his voice a soothing rumble in your ear. "That's why I'm not letting you go."
You struggled against him, your nails digging into his arms, leaving behind a trail of red. "Liar!" you spat. "You don't know me. You don't know anything about me!"
But Bruce didn't falter, didn't loosen his grip. He simply carried you down the hallway, his steps calm and deliberate. You continued to fight against him, your legs kicking wildly, trying to break free from his embrace. The mansion felt like it was closing in on you, the weight of the walls pressing down on your shoulders as he carried you to your room.
"Let me go!" you sobbed, the fight leaving your voice. "I want to go home! I want my dad!" The words echoed down the hall, bouncing off the cold stone walls and returning to you like a mocking chant.
Bruce didn't say anything as he kicked open the door to your room with a quiet determination. The door swung inward, revealing the sanctuary you had made your battleground. The room was a mess of discarded clothes and broken knick-knacks, a mirror of the chaos in your soul. He carried you over the threshold, the soft carpet underfoot a stark contrast to the hardness of the floor below.
As soon as he set you down, you tried to bolt, your legs moving faster than you had thought possible. But he was quicker. His hand shot out and grabbed your wrist, the grip firm but not painful. You pulled away, trying to twist free, but he didn't let go.
"Let me go!" you screamed again, your voice raw with emotion. But Bruce just held you there, his gaze never wavering.
"You need to stop, now," he said firmly, his voice a command that you felt resonate through your bones. "Look at what you're doing to yourself, to this place."
"I don't care!" you screamed, still trying to pull your arm away from his iron grip. But he didn't let go. "I lost everything, my mom, my dad, why should I care?"
Bruce pulls you closer, his voice rising just enough to cut through the chaos in your head. "Is this what your parents would have wanted? For you to throw food, smash vases? Would they have wanted you to be this miserable?" His question hits you like a sledgehammer, the words echoing through the hollow cavern of your soul.
You stop struggling, tears staining your cheeks as you look at the man in front of you. For a moment, his eyes are no longer the cold, unfeeling pools of the billionaire playboy you've come to know, but those of a man who has seen his own share of pain.
"Would they?" he repeats, his grip on your wrist tightening slightly. It's not a question anymore; it's a demand for you to see the truth.
With a snarl, you start pulling away again, not looking him in the eyes, not wanting to face the mirror of truth he holds up to you. The tears flow down your cheeks unchecked, leaving a salty trail on your skin as you try to wrench your wrist free. You can feel the heat of his hand, the strength behind his grip, and something else—his pain, his understanding. It's suffocating, and you need air.
But Bruce is relentless. He crouches down, bringing his face level with yours, his other hand gently taking your shoulder. "Look at me," he says, his voice a firm command that somehow manages to be gentle. You feel the weight of his gaze, the intensity of his eyes as they bore into you, and for the first time since you've been there, you hesitate. You're used to being the storm in the room, but now you feel like you're the one being studied under a microscope.
You look into his eyes, and for a moment, you see the flicker of something familiar—pain, loss, anger. It's like looking into a mirror reflecting a version of yourself that you didn't want to see. But instead of looking away, you hold his gaze, the two of you locked in a silent battle of wills.
"Your parents wouldn't want this," he says, his voice softer now, the command replaced by something approaching empathy. "They wouldn't want you to live in anger and fear. They'd want you to be happy."
You shake your head, tears blurring your vision. "No," you choke out, the words thick with disbelief.
Bruce's grip on your shoulder tightens slightly, his eyes never leaving yours. "They'd want you to live," he says, his voice a gentle but firm reminder of the truth you've been dodging. "They'd want you to find a way to heal."
You look away, unable to meet his gaze any longer. The room spins around you, a whirlwind of anger and grief. You feel his hand move to cup your chin, turning your face back to meet his. His thumb brushes away a tear that has escaped, a gesture so tender it feels foreign against your skin.
"Please," he whispers, his grip on your chin firm but gentle. "Let me help you." His eyes searched yours, looking for a glimmer of understanding, a spark of hope that he could be the anchor you needed in this tumultuous sea of emotion.
But you couldn't find it. The only thing you could feel was the weight of his words, the heaviness of his touch. "I hate you," you whispered, your voice barely audible. The words slipped out like a secret you hadn't meant to share, and weren't sure you actually meant. But there they were, hanging in the air between you.
You pulled away from him, the warmth of his grip replaced by the cold reality of the room around you. Without looking back, you dashed towards your library, swinging the doors closed behind you with a resounding thud.
But even as you curled up in the armchair, you knew he was still there. You could feel his presence in your room, like a shadow that wouldn't leave. The silence was suffocating, filled with the ghosts of your shattered past and the weight of his unspoken words.
Bruce took a moment to gather himself before standing up, his movements slow and deliberate. He walked to the door, his boots clicking against the hardwood floor, each step echoing in the bedroom. His hand hovered over the library doorknob. His hand closes into a fist, and for a moment, he looks like he might say something more. But he doesn't. He just sighs a deep, heavy sound that seems to carry the weight of the world.
He pulls his hand away from the doorknob and takes a step back, his shoulders slumped slightly. The silence in the room is palpable, thick with the unspoken words and the echoes of your pain. Bruce looks at the closed door for a moment, his eyes reflecting the battle he's fighting within.
With a deep breath, he turns away and starts to walk to your bedroom door. Each step feels like a mile as he fights the urge to go back and comfort you. But he knows you need space, a chance to process the anger and grief that's consuming you like wildfire.
The door clicks shut behind him, the sound resonating through the hallway. He walks down the hall, his hands in his pockets, the weight of his decision heavy on his shoulders. He makes his way to the railing overlooking the grand foyer, the same spot where he'd found you moments ago. Leaning over, he looks down at the mess of vases and shattered porcelain, the shadows playing tricks with his eyes, making it seem as though the shards are reaching up to grab him.
The silence is a stark contrast to the tumult of your outburst. Bruce runs a hand through his hair, feeling the tension knotting in his neck. He knows that helping you isn't going to be as simple as patching up a broken vase. He sighs and heads towards the stairs, descending to the wreckage of what once was order and peace in his home. Dick is there, his eyes wide with shock at the chaos you've left in your wake.
As Bruce sits on the bottom step, Dick watches him, his own emotions a tangled web of confusion and concern. The young man opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. He's not quite sure what to say to his mentor, who's clearly dealing with something more than just a temper tantrum. Instead, he takes a cautious step closer, the shards of porcelain crunching under his shoes.
"Bruce," he starts, his voice tentative.
"Mmm?" Bruce murmured, not looking up from the shards of porcelain scattered before him.
"Is she okay?" Dick asked, his voice a mix of concern and curiosity. "I've never seen anyone so… intense. Well, this kind of intense."
Bruce looked up, his eyes tired but determined. "She's lost," he said, his voice filled with a sadness that didn't quite match the sternness of his gaze. "But she'll find her way. Just… needs time."
Dick nodded, his gaze following Bruce's to the mess you'd created. He knelt down and began to pick up the shards of porcelain, his movements careful and precise. "You're going to keep her here?" he asked, his voice low.
"I have to," Bruce replied, his eyes never leaving the glass. "She's got nowhere else to go."
Dick nodded, understanding the gravity of the situation. "What's her deal?" he asked, continuing to clean up the mess, his eyes darting up to meet Bruce's every few seconds.
Bruce sighed heavily, leaning his head against the banister. "Her parents were killed," he said, his voice a low murmur. "It's a miracle I got her out of that fire. She's got a lot of anger to work through."
Dick paused in his cleaning, his eyes meeting Bruce's for a brief moment. "You think she'll be okay?"
Bruce nodded solemnly. "I'll make sure of it," he said with a conviction that sent a shiver down Dick's spine.
Dick looked at the shards of porcelain in his hand, then back up at Bruce. "What can I do?" he asked, his voice earnest.
Bruce's gaze remained on the mess before them. "For now, just keep an eye on her." he said, his voice heavy with responsibility.
Dick nodded, "I'll do my best," he said, his eyes meeting Bruce's with a fierce determination.
Bruce managed a small smile, the tension in his face easing slightly. "Thank you, Dick," he said, his voice filled with gratitude.
"It's cool," he said with a shrug, trying to lighten the mood. "Besides, I've had some experience with angry orphans."
Bruce's eyes shot up at that, a hint of amusement crossing his face before the weight of the situation settled back in. "You're one to talk," he said, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.
Dick grinned, the tension in the air dissipating slightly. "What can I say?" he said, shrugging his shoulders. "It's a gift."
Bruce chuckles,. "Go get a broom," he said, "We've got a mess to clean up."
Part 5
#batman#bat family#dc universe#bat boys#dc fandom#batfamily#dick grayson#bruce wayne#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne x orphan#bruce wayne x daughter#orphan reader
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“ PARTY AT A RICH DUDE’S HOUSE ”
synopsis: after getting dumped, your friends propose you crash his house-party and completely wreck the place using the guise of the rambunctious partygoers as cover. little did you know, someone's been watching you.
warnings: mature language, mentions of violence, vandalism, suggestive undertones, MDI. tesla slander(?) hate those cars so so so much. i honestly don't know, i think this one's pretty tame :))
notes: kesha lives rent free in my head lol. also got inspired by that scene from the movie “bottoms” where they blow up the douchbag’s car >:))) not sure how i feel about it :// but it was fun to write helped with writer's block sooo hope you enjoy!!
notes ii: yall WHY WON'T WORDS WORD ANYMORE I-
It wasn’t difficult infiltrating the party. With all the commotion pouring inside and out, people taking full advantage of their host’s endless bounds of resources and bottomless pockets, blending in was a snap. Immediately, your senses were overwhelmed with the stench of sweat and bad decisions. Smoke clouded your vision as did the rumbling bass of the music, the music rattling you to where you could feel it in your bones.
An annoyance builds every time a partygoer bumped into you as you sifted through the crowds, driving you to start elbowing and shoulder-checking everyone around you. You received stank looks and slurred curses, but it merely molded with the rest of the noise surrounding you.
They were all basically there to celebrate your misery, so fuck them.
Even though you were on the prowl for the douche-nozzle himself to give him a piece of your mind, at some point you got caught up with various cups of who know's what in your hand, downing them like a fish out of water. You welcomed the delightful burn as it rolled down your esophagus, seeping into the wounds of your broken heart, and right into your stomach like a hot stone. You fought back the urge to vomit fire, body vibrating as you mentally set your mission on a different course...the garage.
“Y’know, that’d go a lot quicker if you used this.”
You yelped. Nearly slipping off of the cyber truck you were currently jumping on you regained balance in the last second, crouching down to slap your hands on the cool metal to steady yourself. While attempting to put a dent through the aluminum foil-ass top, you failed to notice your lone audience member chilling in a corner of the 10-car garage. How long he’d been standing there, you had no idea. All you knew was you had about four seconds to either teleport or hightail it to the nearest exit before he got a good look at your face.
“Shitshitshit,” you hissed, hurriedly and clumsily sliding down off the car, ready to book it. You really wished you hadn't drank as much before attempting to do this, but in your defense, you weren't expecting to have...company. However, as soon as your feet touched the floor, the stranger coaxed out to you with a free hand raised in peace, delaying your panicked scrambling.
“Hey, hey, relax. Believe me, if I wanted to narc on you I would’ve done so when you lit those firecrackers off in the guest bathroom. Hilarious, by the way."
Your heart sunk. An uneasy feeling formed in the pit of your stomach, not sure whether to be relieved or devastated—Question is, why didn’t he tell anyone?
Remaining vigilant you peered over your shoulder at him, guard up. “Who're you?”
He raised a brow. “Pretty sure that’s my line, sweetheart.”
You glared, turning around fully to scrutinize him. From the way he was dressed—Designer from head to toe even if on the casual side, blinding Rolex on his wrist paired with a few rings, equally icy studs in his ears along with a thin, and golden chain rested upon his toned, inked chest—He had money, no doubt about it. Not too bad on the eyes either..
Shaking your head of that last thought, you scoffed, “Don’t call me that. ‘m not anyone’s ‘sweetheart’.”
He shrugged, coyly. “Be happy to fix that, if you’d like.”
“Do I look in the mood for funny shit?"
He chuckled, tilting his head. “Nah, 'course not. Look more like you’re itching to bust some more shit up. But, gotta say, how you’re going about it s’kinda redundant. Those things may look like they're made out of construction paper, but you’ll tire out before you even make single scratch. So.. figured you’d appreciate a more practical approach.”
Too preoccupied giving him the stank eye, you hadn't seen the weapon rested in his other hand. Once you set your eyes on it and allowed his words to fully register, they slowly widened. The stranger’s grin sharpened at your muted interest, flicking his wrist to spin the slab of metal around before resting it coolly on his shoulder.
"Ah, crazy girl’s in the mood now?"
Your curiosity morphed back into annoyance instantly at his cheeky comment. “I am not crazy.”
He hummed. “Could’ve fooled me.”
“Look, smartass, I'll have you know that I have a very good reason—” you pointed, ready to dump hours of alcohol-fueled rage on this stranger, only for him to immediately extinguish it with a mere wave of his hand.
“And you can tell me all about it when we go out for dinner after this. You want the bat or not?"
You paused, confused. Flabbergasted, even. Did this fool just ask me out?, you thought. Maybe you were just a little bit too tipsy and misheard, so you let it slide for now. With a huff, you finally said, skeptically, "Why...are you helping me?"
The stranger merely shrugged once more, eyes coated in mischief as he gave another spin of the bat. "Doesn't every criminal need a henchman?"
BAJI, HANMA, kazutora, mikey, draken, most of toman really, rindou, ran, izana,[insert anyone else who would fit].
© 2024-2025 anisespice ッ all rights reserved. likes, comments & reblogs much appreciated!
#🍁wasabi#tokyorev#tokyo revengers#alexa play 'blackout' by breathe carolina#tokyorev x reader#tokyo rev#tokyo revengers x reader#tr x reader#tokyorev headcanons
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10. What is the hottest thing someone has ever done with you in bed?
Growing up, I always had a crush on my uncle's best friend Travis. He was about 15 years older than me. When I was 17, I went to a party and when I got there it ended up being Travis's house. I was there w a few friends, and as the night got later and the party started to dwindle down, I asked Travis if I could crash on his couch. I felt uncomfortable getting in a car w my friends who had been drinking. After everyone left, I noticed it was just him n I. I asked him if he lived alone or if he had a roommate or girlfriend. When he told me he lived alone and wasn't seeing anyone, my pussy started to throb. I asked him if he wanted to take a few shots w me and play Truth ot Dare. He was hesitant at first, but quickly said yes after I "pretty pleased" him. It started off innocent and fun, but then I turned it spicy. He picked dare, and I dared him to take a body shot off of me. The next round, I picked truth. He asked me why I wanted him to do a body shot off of me. So I told him how I've crushed on him for years. He was actually really surprised. This went on for 30 minutes or so with the truth and dares getting spicier and spicier. One of our last dares i dared him to pull his dick out of his jeans, come over to me, tongue kiss me, gently finger me w one hand and rub his dick with the other. He unzipped his pants, pulled out his already hard dick, walked over to me, kneeled on the floor in front of me (i was sitting in a chair), softly grabbed my chin and pulled my face up to his, whispered "are you sure about this", I licked his lips, spread my legs and said "I'm more than sure, feel what you do to me".
He kissed me softly and slowly, first inserting one finger into me and in-between kisses stopping to say, "Oh my god, fuck this is so incredibly hot. Your little moans are driving me wild. Is it okay if I put another finger in you?" I spread my legs a little wider and whispered "please".
This man started to finger my pussy like nothing I had experienced before. He gave me my first orgasm by fingers. After my orgasm, his hand was covered in my cum. He pulled his fingers out of me and started to jack his dick with my juices. As he came in for more kisses he asked, "would you like to watch me cum?"
I actually did want to watch him cum, but my mind immediately went to - let him fuck you. You are 17, he is 33. He's going to be the best you've ever had. So, I told him, "no, I don't want to watch you cum, I want to feel you cum,"
This man picked me up, carried me to his room, slipped my dress and bra off, and laid me softly on his bed. He kissed and licked all over my naked body saying, "fuck, you are perfect, are you sure you want me to be inside you and without protection?"
I looked up and said, "please put yourself inside of me, just be gentle. You're bigger than anyone I've ever been with."
When he said, "Oh sweet heart, I have no intention on being rough with you. I'm a grown man. I'm going to show you what real sex should be like." And I melted.
He made sure to kiss every part of my body and when he put his dick in me, he did it so softly. Not going too hard or deep until I was ready for it. He kept saying, "fuck, oh my god, I never imagined you'd feel this good."
I went to rub my clit while he was moving in and out of me, but he told me, no. Just wait a few minutes and he'll make cum without any clitoral stimulation. And omg- he sure the fuck did. He would pull his dick almost all the way out of me and slowly thrust it back in, but he did it with force. This drove me wild. And when I came all over his dick it was the hardest I've ever came before. It made my whole body jerk.
I was so surprised with how long he was lasting, too. I was used 18-20 year old guys who lasted 5-7 minutes. This man was going for what seemed hours! I now know (since I'm older) he was edging himself with my pussy. When he would get close to cumming, he would pull out and tell me how perfect my pussy is. The last time he pulled out of me, he asked me if I was sure I wanted him to cum in me. He reassured me it was okay and there's plenty of other places for him to cum. I looked up at him and said, "please let me feel you. I want it all. Give it all to me." He shoved his cock in me harder than he had the whole night. His rhythm was now faster and harder. His breathing was heavier and moans louder. He kept saying things like, "fuck yea, take this dick. That's right you sexy little princess, fuck me back. Now rub your pretty little clit. Tighten your pretty pussy around my cock. Show me you want this cum." He was coaxing on what to do to give him his ultimate orgasm. That was the first time anyone had ever done that with me. And oh-my-fucking-God. With the words that he was saying to me and knowing he was about to cum, made me cum again.
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i like the car movies a lot.......
#cars#pixar cars#lightning mcqueen#sally carrera#my art#art#drawing#fanart#sketch#these r SOOOOOOOO messy dont worry abt jt#i love sally n mcqueen so muhcnman#sally the love of my LIFEEEE#also his pyjamas in the court sketch r. bc i asked my pals what we think he was wearing when he got separated from mack. bc its SO funny to#imagine him in his pjs in court trying to seduce sally#like realisitclally hes probably not. they peobably gave him a change of clothes he did in fact make a mess#but man.....the idea of him stood there in his own branded pjs . .....it enamours me#temporary wheelchair user mcqueen after his crash is reel to me <3#he doesnt even need it for that long but by god he decks it out#note that they have rings on in the cars 3 ones...theyre married...#the second one is all sally when she arrived at radiator sprrriiings i rhink of her too much#ft flo & sheriff#ur sheriff. ur watching the road leading into town (even the towns basically dead anyway noones fucking coming in so ur legit just sat ther#eating lunch and thinking abt ur husband). a blue porsche rolls in and ur like huh. a visitor. thats new. the porsche suddenly just gives#out in the middle of the road and ur like. oh shit lemme call mater. before u get the chance to do that u r cut off by the LONGEST BEEP#IN HISTORY as sally carrera#burnt out from lawyering#slams her head on the wheel and yells FUCKKKKKKKKKK. this is MY canon now.#sheriff watching a stressed 20 smth in a business suit repeatedly knock her head against her steering wheel while muttering about#how this Has to be her annoying bosses fault somehow#wondering if he should offer her some help or just let her get it out of her system
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anyways i genuinely and deeply believe that seb is one of the best, well-rounded, most talented racing drivers currently active and i think no matter where he was racing, he'd adapt within less than one season. he's incredibly versatile, everyone who has worked with him praises his quick understanding, intelligence and detailed feedback. he's a genius on track and seizes every opportunity he can and any team across all of motorsport recognizes his talent. so many other drivers know him to be courteous and friendly and so many racing series want to win him (and the fanbase and recognition that comes with him) to drive for them. It's clear that once a team is genuinely happy to have him and listens to him, he's a major force that very few other drivers could come up against.
#he's so completely charming#he's always kind to his fans. every time ive met him he's spent all the time he could and then some with fans and never seemed annoyed#he's so smart. on track like that pitlane overtake. off track on bbc question time#his racecraft is amazing remember when some car was crashed in/near monaco pit entry and he just whipped the car round into the pits?#or monaco 2021#he cares so much and wants to know so much and just in general is so curious and interested..#and another thing is how he grows from his mistakes and how he keeps learning#and he has his faults! hes a little bitch sometimes. he used to be super annoying towards female interviewers!#but he did grow from that and hes a much better much more conscious person now#and even in 2021/22 some stuff he said was badly worded and embarrassing to hear but he also learned from that and said it differently after#i jsut love seb so so much#embarrassing that hes been my beloved since 2010. or well if you only count the current hyperfixation flareup when i got properly back into#f1; then since 2019#like i swearrr i have not hyperfixated on anyone/anything as hard as this man
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look i know this month has been crazy already in what has been going on for me BUT IT GETS CRAZIER... I got to finally have my constant pain I've had for two years diagnosed... I have fibromyalgia lol i have a chronic illness??😭😭
tbf it doesn't change anything i was already coping with these pains because I've been sitting with em for 2 years i just have anti depressants now but you know what has changed... my character lore GOT SICK AS FUCK!!!!!!!🦅🦅🦅🦅 (lighthearted)
#not art#i feel like someones oc rn#wdym i have a higher sense of pain and i feel physical pain when i get stressed that sounds like what i did to my ocs at 10 for lore LMAO#on top of that i got told i have hyperelasticity and got told... hm yeah thats probably why you wear glasses#THEN HE PROCEEDS TO EXPLAIN EXACTLY WHAT HAS BEEN WRONG WITH MY EYES FOR YEARS WHAT THE FUCK#born to be blind ig i guess it wasnt that damn phone after all/joke#not gonna lie i kinda saw fibromyalgia coming because my family does have a history of it but still damn#im taking it pretty well rn but i was very mortified at the prospect of a chronic illness but. whatever im already coping well#AGAIN THIS DOES NOT CHANGE ANYTHING LOL i just think its crazy as hell#character lore got sick as hell this month i got into a car crash them boom you have chronic illness that is basically a disability#also you have funny nerves hehe you can stretch funny AND THAT MAKES YOU BLIND#i feel like someones oc#(not reallt a car crash almost was but. MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN WITH HOW I WAS LEFT???)
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#Am i evil for wanting to sacrifice pa kent sometimes#love him hes great hes done his job with clark#but i always toyed with the idea of clark getting grief for development later in life#i dont think any of his adoptive parents should die well into him being an established superman#but what i do think is one of his parents dying would do him a service in his later years character wise#pa kent is generally agreed upon to be the most sacrificial ( sorry pa kent.. )#a time in clarks life where his father is gone and he just has his mother to look after seems like it would be#a refreshing pov for him to remember what he has left in this world...#there are all sorts of iterations btw. some where both parents die at the same time from tragedy (car crash)#or where one dies#i personally love superman: braniac where clark fails to save his father as a young superman#which shows him..not even a superman can save everyone - a rude awakening. so its just him and his mother.#while i do think of making the braniac origin my canon definitively i also love the pa kent interactions w clarks league friends#like that one time batman visited and they chatted was nice ( standing )#we will see! will probably sacrifice pa kent i mean if a comic origin story did it + a movie i meannnn.#but that means i would have to rework how clark comes back 2 life in death of su.perman#also last point here: clarks a mamas boy i love him being the young son taking care of his ma ( sighs wistfully at MOS scenes when he visit
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