#but then again ive felt like that each time this show has done that

[lily-blue-blue-lily]

god this show is not afraid to kill off its characters huh

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

Part III

Word count: 3900+

Warnings: a lot of anxiety and panic attacks (our reader have a tough time adjusting to the new life), also little smut(ish)

Autumn themed divider by tsunami-of-tears

Part II | Part IV

The morning found you curled up in the ottoman, peacefully sleeping. A knock sounded on the double doors and you jolted up looking around the unfamiliar room. As your brain got rid of the heavy fog of the sleep, all memories of the last day popped out and you sighed heavily. Your gaze fell to the bed and you immediately sat up, eyes wide. The bed was made, no one slept in it. You quickly checked up your body. And apparently you were just as untouched as that bed. You were confused as well as relieved. You didn't understand. How was it possible? You and your husband were supposed to do.. something. Did he not come? Or he came in, found you sleeping and left? Angry? And where did he sleep?

Another knock sounded, snapping you out of your thoughts before you started spiraling. You weren't sure what to do, so you went and opened the doors a little. Same maids were waiting there and as last night bowed.

"Good morning, my lady. We came to help you to prepare."

"Prepare? For what?"

They looked at each other with raised brows. "For the day, madame," the other one answered.

Blushing you stepped back letting them in and they immediately set to work. Even if they noticed the untouched bed, they didn't show any signs nor commented it. While you were getting dressed, servants brought breakfast to that small dinning table you saw last night. You bit on your lower lip when you saw only one plate.

"What about.. my husband?"

"His Lordship has already eaten. He woke up early in the morning and currently is at the meeting," one of the maids answered with a light nod to the doors opposite of yours. After that they all left leaving you to eat alone.

You were sitting there, staring at the food while it stared back at you. You had no appetite. Again and again you replayed every minute of the wedding ceremony and the party, looking for any serious mistake you'd done. You certainly did something otherwise he would have come last night. You thought that you were on quite good terms with your husband based on the fact that you were secretly holding hands most of the last evening.

This was bad, so bad. It was a catastrophe. Your father had to already know about everything, he always did. He was certainly so furious. You dreaded to meet him. Moreover if your husband decided to send you back, you definitely wouldn't live to see another day. Father would kill you right away before you even left this place. He didn't need someone as useless as you. There was no way he would forgive you. It wasn't in his nature. High Lord was the highest offer you could get. There was nothing better than that. Your father wouldn't accept any lower offer now.

You couldn't breathe. Panic gripped your insides, suffocating you. If you were back home, you would crawl to the space between your bed and the wall. It was so narrow that you hardly fitted in, but you felt safe there. You used to spend there even whole night after beating or when you were scared like now, you simply hid there and waited until the feeling faded away.

When walls started to close in on you, you left the food as it was and closed yourself in the bedroom, desperately looking for some corner where you could hide. The room was too spacious, too airy for you. It only made things worse. After searching in vain, you tried the bathroom with the same result and at last the closet. There in the back of the room, you found a narrow dark place between some drawer cabinet and the wall. You squeezed in there and sitting down on the floor pulled your knees to the chest as tightly as you could. Finally you could breathe in a small sip of the air, the pressure on your chest gradually eased. The tears began rolling down your cheeks and you sobbed until at some point you passed out from exhaustion.

"So this is where you've been hiding this whole time?"

A deep voice spoke, waking you up. In the distance you heard raindrops drumming on the windows and the air smelled of rain, smoke and apples roasted on fire. You didn't dare to look up, instead you curled up into yourself even more.

"Everyone out there is looking for you since lunch."

"I'm so sorry," you muttered into your knees.

The male sighed heavily. He seemed to be pissed off. "Can you explain me what in the bottomless depths of the Cauldron you're doing here?"

You pressed even harder against the wall, trying to get as far from him as you could. This was it. He had enough of you and there was no witness, so he could freely act upon it.

"I'm so sorry," you sobbed. You knew that no matter what you said, it wouldn't work. It never worked. Yet you couldn't stop apologising, still hoping it could ease the intended punishment.

You heard his footsteps muffled by the carpet as he approached you and got ready.

"I apologise, Y/N" he murmured and his fingers lightly touched your elbow. The smell of smoke was replaced by spicy cinnamon. "I didn't mean... I'm not angry at you. I was just worried sick, thinking that... Ah, it doesn't matter." He struggled with his words.

When you didn't move, he groaned and continued.

"Maids came to report that you are missing as soon as the meeting was over. They said that you looked pale in the morning and that you didn't sleep in the bed nor eat. They thought you went to take a nap. Just imagine how surprised they were when they came to wake you up for lunch and couldn't find you."

His fingers traveled down your forearm to your hand and gently squeezed it. Iciness of his strict deep voice melted, replaced by warmth and tenderness. "What happened? Why are you hiding here?"

You dared to peek at him. Your husband was crouching in front of you, his amber eyes watching you closely. He really didn't seem to be angry, just tired.

"I'm sorry to have caused you worry," you little bit straightened up, still avoiding his eyes.

He gently pulled on your hand. "What happened? You can talk to me. Someone hurt you? Or told you something you didn't like?"

"Are.. are you going to send me back?"

"Nope," Eris chuckled, evidently amused by your silly question. The sound was rich and kind of cute. Your heart did a strange thing. He seemed to be more relaxed than the last night at the party. "Last time I checked on this matter, your father signed that he will never even try to contact you and left with rather a rich reward."

You gaped at him in disbelieve. Your head went completely silent.

"It's true. You will either stay here or call Rhysand to come to pick you up, but you won't go back to your family."

"Thank you, my lord," you smiled genuinely, relief spreading in your chest.

"There you are. Finally smiling," he looked over his shoulder. "I think we should go out and tell everyone that you are fine. I guess they are still looking for you. What do you think?"

You flushed, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry for causing the troubles."

"It's fine," he waved his hand and helped you to stand up. "At least they are finally doing something meaningful."

Eris left you in the sitting room between your bedrooms and went to stop the search. While he was gone, some servants with trays of steaming food marched in and set it on the table. They again prepared only one plate. Disappointed you looked at heavy double doors with carved ornaments that you hadn't noticed before. You still hoped he would come back.

After a moment the door swung open and one of the maids walked in.

"His Lordship apologizes, but he had to return to his duties," she announced.

Sad that after all he wouldn't come back, you sat down and let servants serve you the meal. Still having no appetite, you at least ate a bit of every dish of the late lunch that they presented you and when you were done they all left except of that one maid. She sat down on small stool in the corner of the room, took out something from under her apron and started embroidering. Your husband apparently made sure that you weren't left alone again.

For a while you watched her dancing hand with a needle and then you moved to a bench under the window, looking out into the drenched garden half hidden in the mist. Despite all the colours, it was quite a melancholic sight yet comforting. It perfectly matched your mood. You watched the colourful flowers and trees until they plunged into darkness.

The dinner went just like the lunch. Servants brought in food and you ate alone. Soon after you were done, other maids came in and ran a bath for you. The other one who spent the afternoon looking after you, meanwhile left. Just as the previous night, they washed you properly, massaged bath oils into your skin and hair, and helped you prepare for the bed. After they were done and cleaned the bathroom, they left.

With heavy heart you took a seat in the very same ottoman and watching the doors, waited. Your bedroom and the sitting room next door were so quiet that you heard the faint ticking of the clock and crackling fire from behind the closed thick doors. Eventually that sounds lulled you to sleep.

Later that night you jolted up, scared by a tremendous crash of thunder. Your heart leaped to your throat. Since you were child, you were scared of storms, its wild sounds echoed through the stone halls even deep under the mountain. However, it was nothing compared to this.

Another thunder rumbled through the sky. You jumped up with a small scream, pressing against the wall on the opposite side of the room, covering your ears with hands. You started pacing back and forth, your body trembled. Opening door of the closet you ran to your new-found safe place, hoping you could weather the storm there, but the sounds of thunder followed you even there.

A particularly bright bolt of lightening crossed the sky, closely followed by sound so strong that the walls shook. That was the last straw and you fled to the sitting room and to the double doors on the opposite side. You hesitated with a hand only inches from the smooth surface of the oak door. Another thunder rumbled around you and your hand met the cold surface before you could change your mind.

Surprisingly, the doors opened right away as if he waited with hand on doorknob. Your husband stood there with messy red hair that had a copper hue in the light of the fire from the hearth. Shirtless, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, he blinked down at you with sleepy eyes. If you weren't so scared, you would stop to take a proper look and blush fiercely.

However, thunder struck again and you leaped to his arms, hiding your face at his muscular chest, your hands looking for something to grip on.

"What..?" he grumbled and stepped back, eyes widely open. His big hands landed on your shoulders, trying to push you away.

The lightning bolt enlightened the room, all decorations rattled and you cried out, clinging to him with arms wrapped around his waist. His brows raised in shock.

The beats of his heart under your face grew stronger and louder than the storm and you opened your eyes sharply, suddenly realizing what you were doing. Your breasts were pressed against his stomach. There was no way he didn't feel them through the thin material of your nightgown. You didn't even want to think about it. With bowed head and gaze focused on the floor you retreated a few steps back, blushing and thanking the Mother that the lights were turned off.

"I'm so-sorry, my lord, I didn't-" your sentence ended with a scream as decorations in the room rattled again.

"You are scared. Of the storm," he stated baffled. Only then his sight fell to your chest and everything bellow it and his cheeks turned pink. He held his breath.

"I'm sorry I woke you up, my lord," you said much calmer than you really felt, still looking at his bare feet.

"No, it's fine." He cleared his throat looking somewhere above your head.

With another too loud thunder you ducked with hands on your ears. Eris stepped closer, arms stretched to you, but then he changed his mind and let them fall back to his sides.

"Ehm.. What should we do?" he muttered under his nose.

"Do-do you want to come in?" he offered gesturing to his room.

"I-I think I could."

He stepped aside, making space for you. Without touching him again you slipped in. His room was just like yours, everything, including even the colours of sheets, was the same. The only difference was that instead of the vanity there was a desk in the corner. Left side of the bed was a mess, the rest was untouched. No personal stuff, favourite paintings, nothing.

Eris watched you with interest as your eyes wandered around his bedroom. Seeing you scantily clad in his private room where he didn't even allow the servants to come clean, was doing something with him. He shook head, exhaling heavily through nose.

"Sit down," he waved to the ottomans. Meanwhile he touched a teapot on the coffee table. It took only a minute and small puffs of steam began to rise from it. He filled one mug and handed it to you. Then he sat in the other one with own cup of tea in hand.

You looked at the windows, wondering whether the storm was already over, because it had been quiet for quite some time. How surprised you were to see the lightening flashing behind the curtains.

"It's just magic. I'm quite light sleeper and don't want to be disturbed," he explained with a small smile.

You lowered your eyes guilty and squeezed the mug. "I'm so sorry for disturbing you, my-"

"Eris," he interrupted you with narrowed eyes and tilted head to the side. One of his brows raised up. "You keep calling me 'my lord'. But we are married couple now and I'm not your...owner." He grimaced at the word. "Call me just Eris. And as I said before, it's fine."

You nodded and sipped the warm tea. You both fell silent unsure of what to say.

The realisation that it's night and you were alone with your husband in the room with bed, hit you suddenly and your heartbeat speeded up. You fought with your feelings and the urgent need to take a look at him, a proper look, until you couldn't resist it anymore. You wanted to get to know him better. Out of all the males you'd ever met, he was the least scary one and the fact that despite everything, he hadn't tried to hurt yet, encouraged you.

You started with his hands. Shyly you looked up at his long, elegant fingers embracing the cup. You quite liked them, their shape and how they felt on your skin. You didn't even need to focus to recall the feeling when they were entwined with yours. Your gaze of its own accord moved up the strong cords of muscles to nicely sculpted biceps.

The bedroom was rather dark, only one small light was on on the bedside table. Yet it provided enough light for you to involuntarily notice small freckles on his shoulders. There were dozens of them and you caught yourself thinking that you would like to try to count them. Your cheeks heated once again, but it didn't stop you.

Next your gaze shifted to the largest display of thoroughly shaped flesh and tight skin, to his chest. You knew nothing about these things, yet you had to admit that it was very nice chest. Even just simply looking from the distance, did funny things with your body and you felt tingling in your lower belly. If you remembered it correctly, his skin felt smooth and hot under your face, his flesh soft and firm at the same time. Dusted with a few lovely freckles, it rose and fell with quite rapid breaths.

Eris wasn't bulky, rather lean, but still so strong. A warrior.

You wanted to continue down to his stomach where you noticed a lot of interesting looking shadows you'd like to study closely, but it felt inappropriate. Not that what you were doing right now wasn't, but you couldn't stop yourself. You were always scared to properly look at people, to see them and the details of their faces. With your husband it was different, as if something was calling you, inviting you to take a look.

Wanting to see his handsome face again, to explore it and commit it to your memory, your eyes traveled up over the column of his neck to his chin. His Adam apple bobbed as he swallowed, arteries pulsed in wild rhythm that matched yours.

He was perfectly shaved, there didn't seem to be a single hair left out on his face. His lips in a nice shade of pink were full, the lower lip fuller than the upper one, and slightly parted. You knew that they not only seemed to be but really were soft. You still could feel their touch on yours and to be honest, you'd like to taste them again. Did they still taste of honey and alcohol or could you taste herbs now? You'd really like to get the answer. His lips quirked into a boyish grin and stayed like that.

Your gaze skimmed over freckles on his high cheeks and straight nose. Damn, you wanted to count them so badly now. Would you ever get a chance to try it? At least once and you'd never ask for more.

Lost in that beauty and your imagination, your gaze wandered to his eyes partly hidden under slightly furrowed arches of brows, and their colour immediately caught your attention. They seemed to shine in the dimly lit room, flames dancing in them. His gaze bore into you with such intensity that you felt wetness gathering between your legs. You turned into a panting mess, suddenly feeling uncomfortably hot in your own skin.

"What are you doing?" His deep, hoarse voice snapped you from trans and you blinked.

While you were admiring him, the air in the room grew thicker, strong scents middling together.

"I-.." You didn't know what to say, mouth completely dry, too ashamed of your shameless behaviour. You shouldn't behave like this, it didn't suit a lady.

His grin widened. "Do you like what you see?" your husband teased you.

"I-.." you shifted uncomfortably, your eyes moved to his lips, then to his chest and back up to those marvellous eyes.

"You what, Y/N? You can be honest with me."

You inhaled sharply, your face flushed with even more shame. "Yes, I like it, m-"

"Tsk tsk tsk. I think I told you to call me by my name."

"I like it, Eris," you murmured.

His eyes closed briefly and he exhaled deeply, making a strange noise. It sounded like a growl.

"Say it again. My name," he specified when you gave him questioning look.

You hesitated for a moment. There was something about him that made your pulse skyrocket. He was dangerous predator, able to kill with a single thought, but strangely, you wouldn't mind to be his prey. You didn't know him at all, yet you felt a connection between the two of you. And you longed to explore it more, to see what he was capable of.

"Eris," you whispered into silence between you.

Frowning with closed eyes he made the same noise. One second he was sitting in ottoman with mug in hand, the next one both mugs were left on the table and he was kneeling next to you. Even on his knees he was so tall that his eyes were level with yours. Those long fingers that fascinated you moments ago, found yours, entwining with them while his fiery eyes burned your body and soul in the most pleasant way. Room felt so hot suddenly that you had the urge to open the windows, get rid of any clothing you had on you and expose your bare skin to a cooling rain.

"Y/N," he groaned, his gaze slowly fell to your lips.

You were so attracted to him that it had to be result of some kind of spell. Not having enough strength to resist it anymore, you gave in. Still longing to taste his full lips you leaned in slightly. His eyes returned to yours, searching. Whatever he saw, it seemed to work. His softness brushed over your lips, tenderly pulling them into a kiss.

His lips were just like you remembered them, soft and sturdy at the same time, tasting like honey and tea he drank. You wondered where that sweet taste came from because there was no jar of honey in this room nor the tea was sweet. Deciding it had to be taste of him, you moaned.

Your lips parted briefly, but he was fast. His tongue slipped in with ease, hungrily exploring your mouth. You gasped at the new sensation. Everything was new to you. You were taught some theoretical basics, but never practised them.

His body pushed against yours until you were almost lying, hands on the back of your head and your waist navigating you. Thin material of you nightgown presented no barrier between your bodies. You felt him everywhere, but it wasn't enough. You needed more.

You reached for him, needing to feel his hot skin. As soon as the tips of your fingers lightly brushed over his shoulder, he abruptly pushed away, breaking the kiss.

He backed to the center of the room, hands running through thick red strands. All the warmth left together with him and you were left trembling, confused and lonely without his closeness.

Both of you were heaving heavily. He averted his fiery eyes, hand reaching for a handle. As if instantly remembering something, his hand dropped to his side.

"We should go to sleep. It's late. I have a lot of work to do, so I have to get up early."

Shirt appeared in his hands and he quickly put it on. "You can sleep here tonight."

Without looking at you again he climbed to the bed, waiting for you. You were desperately needing time to compose yourself, to understand what just happened, why your body betrayed you and reacted the way it did, but you couldn't keep him waiting. You slipped under the covers on the other side, lying on your back stiffly like a board.

Eris turned off the light, mirroring you. You were sure you wouldn't be able to even close your eyes with him so close. You were just laying there, nervously gazing at ceiling.

In the darkness his hand found yours, gently squeezing it. Within seconds pleasant warmth spread into your body and your eyelids grew heavy. Just before you slipped into a realm of dreams, Eris turned to his side, facing you and whispered lowly.

"Good night, love."

[moscnios]

If you are up to it and haven’t already done it. Could you pretty please write head cannons of the kid, heart, and straw hat pirates as parents. My favorite one is killer.

★ THEM AS PARENTS! headcanons ★

── featuring. sanji. zoro. kid. killer.

── cw. gn!reader. no pronouns used. no mentions of pregnancy. whole cake island and wano spoilers. me rambling again. not proofread.

── notepad. usually my limit is 3 but i added one more bcuz i felt inspired. it’s been awhile since ive written so i feel out of practice and these feel all over the place im so sorry. but i will say, i love you girl dad zoro and killer. i could talk about them forever

★ VINSMOKE SANJI ★

── unlike everyone else, sanji HAS thought about settling down and having kids. he thinks about it at least twenty times a day. every time he looks at you, he’s always thinking about your future together

── so when your twin boy and girl show up in your lives, he couldn’t be happier. he’s never been happier. life is finally coming together the both of you

── he loves your twins with all of his heart, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t want any more children. he’s already dreamed of having a big family that he can share all of his love and care with. and because he already had at least four baby names picked out

── given his own upbringing that he never ever plans to tell your children about, sanji takes his fatherly role very seriously. he does everything in his power to be better than his own father

── never will he allow any of his children to take his surname. he would prefer if they took yours or even adopted a new one altogether

── never will there be any middle child syndrome or favoritism between your kids. he loves each of them equally and does pretty well at spreading out his time with each of them, making all of them feel loved and cared for

── every night he gives everyone a long tearful good night before sending them all their separate ways like he’s never going to see them again….they’re just down the hall

── he is a very emotional father. no matter what your children do, milestone or not, he will sob. first words and steps, sobbing. finally being able to dress themselves, sobbing. nearly setting the kitchen on fire attempting to make him a birthday cake, he sobbed all day and tried to eat the inedible cake despite you telling him NOT to

── he was sick for a few weeks after that. how the cake was both overcooked and undercooked at the same time, neither of you could ever figure it out

── his favorite family activity is cooking together. he loves cooking for each of you, but there’s something about teaching your little ones all of his favorite recipes, or even learning how to make a whole new dish altogether, that warms his heart. plus seeing them all get along and work together as a team brings joyful tears to his eyes

── but he can definitely be the indulgent parent. all his kids have to do is flash him the puppy eyes and a pout and he’s a goner, leaving you to play the authoritative parent and say no

── he is also the affectionate, embarrassing, and petty dad, always smothering the little ones in hugs no matter how old they get

── they could be in their late teens and he’ll still hug them the same as he did when they were small. or he’ll embarrass them in front of their friends by yelling how much he loves them and expects them to say ‘i love you’ back OR he’s not going to let them go anywhere

★ RORONOA ZORO ★

── girl dad

── the thought of being a dad never crossed his mind. he was focused on his goal at hand, becoming the greatest swordsman. he wasn’t exactly sure having a kid would fit in that

── but he was going to have to figure it out because resting in his arms was an infant girl with the most precious cheeks

── you don’t have to worry much about your daughter, even in infancy your daughter adopted your husband’s calm and quiet nature. she even adopted his napping habits

── if he’s asleep out on the deck in the sun, she’s asleep out on the deck, either in his chest or in his lap. and no one dares to wake them, especially not after that time when usopp and sanji were arguing too loud, causing your daughter to stir in her sleep, alerting zoro immediately. in a matter of seconds, he held your baby in one hand and his unsheathed sword in the other

── nap time is a VERY serious thing

── though your daughter’s favorite place to rest is on his back. no matter how awake she may seem, the minute he wraps her in the baby wrap, she’s suddenly very sleepy

── if you’re looking for your daughter and you don’t immediately see her, don’t panic. nine times out of ten, she’s on zoro’s back napping

── she is always present during his training sessions in a little swing franky made and surprised you both with that way he can train and keep an eye on her at the same time. maybe that’s why your little girl ended up showing so much interest in swords as she grew up

── like father, like daughter. your daughter began her road to being a swordsman with zoro as her teacher. he learns from his own past failures, in guiding her to be an even better swordsman than him

── not only giving her the skills she needs to wield a blade, but also skills she will need to grow as a person

── when he is sure he has trained her well enough for them to spar, he will do so without mercy. she may lose a number of times, but to never give up is a skill he instilled in her since the beginning of her training

── and when she finally does best her father, he cannot hide just how proud he is. he’s in all dad mode

★ EUSTASS KID ★

── kid never pictured being in a stable relationship, let alone settling down and having children. he didn’t have much experience with children

── in reality, being a father scared him. it was uncharted waters. he didn’t know the first thing about being a good dad. he knew kids were a lot of work, and he didn’t know if he could handle it

── more importantly, he was worried he was going to let both you and your child down. and he couldn’t live with that

── but here he was now struggling his way through the baby and toddler stages. but through his mistakes and errors, as opposed to getting angry and giving up, like he usually does, he’s gaining patience and trying his best. that’s all anyone could ever ask for

── he becomes a natural over time. no longer needing you to intervene to keep your son from crying up a storm. if it’s taking a little longer than usual to put your son to sleep, and you offer to help, he will decline. his stubbornness and pride won’t allow him to accept your help

── if there’s one thing kid hates more than anything, it’s anyone thinking he can’t take care of his son

── it’s not uncommon to see the captain of the kid pirates to be seen around the victoria punk your son strapped to his chest

── it’s hard to take him seriously when he’s barking out orders to the crew and your excitable little one is reaching up to pinch and pull at his father’s cheeks and nose

── kid claims to not be a dad who cries, but he definitely does cry, oftentimes more than you do

── your son’s first word is definitely a swear word. kid thinks it’s hilarious seeing your son scream fuck

── as your son ages, the more he becomes just like his father. and with age comes the attitude, which does not mesh well with kid’s attitude

── never in a million years would you think you would find kid losing a loud argument to your fussy toddler son about nothing

── and it does not change. it continues to get worse as your son begins to form his own opinions. your son and kid clash even more, leading you to be the mediator between their arguments

── or at points when they stop talking altogether, you have to relay messages to the other because they refuse to be in the same room with each other

── kid wants to start your son off young when it comes to training him, wanting the little one to be hell just like him. if your son expresses interest in learning how to fight, kid is overjoyed but does not plan to take it easy on him just because they’re blood

── if your son has no interest in fighting and wants to lead a peaceful life, kid will be disappointed and it will take some time for it to get out of his system. but he ultimately will support his son’s decisions

── kid has a habit of ruffling your son’s hair or knocking heads as his way of showing affection. that’s just how it has always been since he was born. but the day your son decides to leave the ship to start the new chapter of his life is the first time they share a real hug

★ KILLER ★

── killer is prime girl dad material. king of girl dads, if you will. he’s a natural. well, he becomes a natural after he gets over his fear of holding your daughter

── he has led a complicated life up to this point. it is not something he regrets, but it is something that he worries could affect his family

── these calloused hands have killed, been stained with the blood of dozens, he had lost count. these were not the hands that should hold such a pure soul

── the first time he actually held her was in the middle of the night when she woke up crying in the middle of the night. he pondered on waking you but decided against it seeing you sound asleep. it has been a while since you had gotten a good sleep. you deserved your rest

── he had watched you countless times lull your little one back to sleep. he remembered how you did it, trying his best to keep his shaky hands still, reaching into your little’s crib, gently taking her into his arms

── who knew saying “please don’t cry” in a sweet low voice would be enough to calm her ??

── quite a sight you awoke to, seeing your husband passed out in a chair with your daughter still asleep in his arms

── it became part of his routine, every time she woke up in the middle of the night, he was going to take care of it. when she was old enough to sleep in the bed with the two of you, you better believe she took her place in the middle and kept it well into her late childhood, early teens

── they are attached at the hip. wherever she is, he is and vice versa, no matter the situation

── like the one time the kid called for an emergency meeting and killer could not find you in time so he just took your daughter with him

── everyone was on their best behavior because you had already warned them that if her first word was a swear word you would murder each of them and spread their body parts across the grand line for the sea king to feast upon

── ….they were not going to take the chances

── just your luck, your daughter inherited killer’s luscious hair. no matter what you do to it, no matter how hard you attempt to gel it down, it shoots right back up

── but killer’s got it. he does her hair most days because she prefers it that way they end up matching

── there are two things about killer that he is still very sensitive about. his appearance and his laugh, both things he tries to hide from your daughter. though it is easier to hide his appearance than his laugh

── after everything happened in wano, he was ashamed. he couldn’t bear letting her see him like this. he wanted her to remember him the way he used to look. he wasn’t ready to show her, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be ready.

── until he was ready, he allows her to place her hands on his mask and put together what she thinks he looks like.

── currently, she envisions him to be a snake monster under his mask

© MANGEKYUOU — do not copy, repost, or translate my works.

[chapel-of-rizztual]

hi please feel free to ignore this but ive been having a rough time and would adore some regressor phantom hurt/comfort. maybe little guy bends too far on stage and hurts himself or something, idk just so long as their comfort ❤️

He was so desperate to impress Dew that when Dew has pointed the floor, expecting him to drop to his knees before him, he had done, no questions asked. The problem was it was outdoor venue. And it was raining. Just as he was bending backwards to get his head to hit the floor behind him, his knee slipped, causing his back to jolt. 

 Immediately he felt pain spark all the way up his spine and down to the bottom of his back. He let out a whine, hoping Dew didn’t hear him, and he gently bent himself back up into a upright position. More pain bloomed under his skin as he did, he felt it wrap around his spine and constrict. 

He played as usual, not wanting anyone to guess something was wrong. The pain was bad, each step he took make it worse. By the end of the show he’s limping, his head is spinning with the fuzzy feeling he gets when he feels small. During final bows he’s next to Rain, and he squeezes the water ghouls hand tightly, feeling like he’ll topple over if he doesn’t. Rain gives him a look, even under his mask Phantom can feel it, it’s like Rain knows. 

He lets Rain pull him off stage, whimpering as soon as they’re hidden backstage, feeling tears fall down his cheek behind his mask. 

“H-hurts, Rainy. Hurts.”

Rain pulls him into his dressing room, shutting the door behind him. 

“I know, baby. I saw what happened.” 

He undoes Phantom’s helmet, pulling off his head, cooing as he does. 

“Oh, there’s no need to tears, babyboy.”

Phantom sniffles, a new batch of tears flowing down his cheeks. 

“Hurts so badly, Rainy. I don’t-I can’t-“ 

He’s cut off by a sob wracking thought him. 

“Please help me. Make the hurt stop.” His bottom lip wobbles. 

Rain brushes the tears on his cheeks away with his thumb, rubbing gentle circles on his cheek. 

“I’ve got you, baby. Gunna look after you, make you feel better.” 

Rain very carefully peels Phantom’s shirt off. Phantom whimpers the whole time, his eyes screwing shut as he sobs out again. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, darling. But we have to get it off to help you.” 

Phantom whimpers again, his eyes still screwed shut, shaking his head. 

Rain coos at him again, finally pulling shirt off him, 

“Being so good for me, baby. So brave for me.” 

Phantom perks up a little at the praise, letting out a little chirp at the praise. 

Before any of them can say anything, the dressing room door opens and Dew walks in. He’s changed from his stage uniform, wearing black sweatpants and no shirt, his hair down from its braid, the black stage makeup still smudged around his eyes and mouth. 

“How bad is it? I saw his leg slip, it can’t be good, right?” 

“I don’t think it’s that bad.” Rain rubs at Phantom’s belly in a confronting way. “I think he’s just pulled a muscle, I don’t think there’s any bruising or swelling.” 

Dew checks over Phantom’s back, humming in agreement with Rain. 

“No swelling or bruising.” He presses carefully at a couple of different spots on Phantom’s back, making him hiss out at one particular spot at the bottom of his spine. “Hurts there, little one?” 

Phantom nods, pouting at Dew with wet eyes. 

“Hurts, Dewy.” 

Dew pouts back at him. 

“I bet, sweetheart.” He ruffles Phantom’s hair. “Do you want me and Rainy to make it better?” Phantom nods, still pouting, but the tears have slowed. Dew presses a little kiss to the bottom of his back. “Come lie down on the sofa with us, baby.”  Rain manoeuvres Phantom so he's led in between Himself and Dew, his back to Dew. Phantom buries his face in Rains neck, still whimpering slightly. Phantom let’s out a small gasp feeling Dew get increasingly more warm behind him, making both ghouls giggle at him. “You like that, little one?” Dew noses at his shoulders, his hand wiggling between Phantom and Rains belly’s to rub at Phantom's. 

Phantom gives a little wiggle and a chirp. 

“Feels nice. Warm.” 

Rain presses a kiss to the top of his head, intwining his hand with Dew’s other hand, taking one of Phantom's in his other. 

“Dewy making you feel better?” 

Phantom hums, snuggling him deeper into both of them. 

“We’ve got some time before we have to be on the bus, why don’t have a nap, baby? We’ll wake you up when it’s time to go.” Dew presses a kiss to the back of his head. 

Phantom fidgets a little, letting out another little whine. 

“Tail?” 

Rain huff a laugh, bringing the spade of his tail up to Phantom’s lips. Phantom parts his lips, accepting Rain’s in his mouth, sucking gently at the spade. 

Dew let’s out a little giggle at him. 

“That better?”

Phantom nods, his eyes finally slipping closed. 

Somehow the other two end up falling asleep, the rhythmic breathing of Phantom slowly pulling them onto a peaceful sleep. 

That’s how Copia finds them, tangled up on the dressing sofa, fast asleep. They’d been waiting on the bus for them for an hour before he set off looking for them, hoping and praying that they hadn’t left the venue on their own. 

He runs a hand through Phantom’s hair, watching as the small ghoul twitches in his sleep, his eyes slowly fluttering open. 

“Hi there, little one.” Phantom blinks bleary eyed at him, sucking on the tail that’s still in his mouth. 

Copia runs a finger down his cheek.

“What’ve you got there?” 

Phantom's eyes flicker to Rain. 

“Oh, you’ve got Rainy’s tail?” 

Phantom gives a small squeak and nod, sucking a little harder on the tail. Copia smiles sweetly down at him. 

“Yeah? That’s nice of him, hmm?” 

Phantom nods again, feeling a little more awake now. 

“Do you think you three could continue your cuddle pile on the bus? We’ve been looking for you all.” 

He tickles under Phantom's chin, making the small ghoul squeal and squirm. 

The other two wake up at the noise and motion and grin sheepishly up at Copia, hoping the man won’t be too mad at them for making them a little behind schedule. He’s not, he would never be, especially the sight of them all cuddled up is so cute. 

On the bus, Phantom forgets all about his back, especially when he’s pulled into the middle of a cuddle pile including everyone. He happily laps up all the attention and cuddles, a goofy smile of his face and a loud purr rumbling though his chest. 

[autisticjoshrusso]

really struggling to formulate my thoughts on this episode here. i think a lot was done right and a lot was done kind of poorly.

i think it was a mistake to end tommy's plotline on the show in that same lukewarm place that it had been for the entire time. the narrative was simultaneously too kind and not kind enough to him at the end in a way that didn't match the energy it had been giving. im not normally one to advocate for something to be made more black and white, but i think this is one of those times that the plot would have benefited from it. they needed to lean harder into him being an asshole or being a good guy. if they wanted him to get a redemption arc and the breakup to be very sad etc like they were apparently going for here, they should have made him more likeable this whole time. it felt tonally disconnected to me. like if he's going to be this emotional guy who cares too much about potentially being heartbroken we should have been getting that the whole time and we just objectively weren't.

i'll get into the maddie, josh, and buck scene separately. that's gonna need its own post from me because you know thats my special guy and i gotta really get into it.

i'm definitely glad to see the relationship be over. i've stayed pretty middle ground this whole time because i loved the potential tommy could have had as a character, but that was just never delivered in canon, and ive said from the beginning that even at their respective bests, i don't think buck and tommy are right for each other. they both have very different needs and would both be better served finding different partners. i'll probably return to writing my joshtommy content once the ship war starts to blow over and i can sit in peace with the knowledge that im just having fun and not trying to propose that any of it will ever be canon.

the choice to make abby's ex be the same tommy was a brilliant one, and i feel like they almost... wasted it? when buck decided he should forgive tommy for leaving her the way he did (by which i mean josh convinced him he needed to feel a certain way, more on that later as i said), it was the perfect opportunity to have tommy go, um, actually, im the one who has a problem with it now, bye. that would have really cemented the sort of avoidant behavior and lack of close emotional attachment they'd been characterizing tommy with up until that point. so to have it come back around to the same sort of hang up with buck's inexperience instead was a bit strange.

that said, i DO love their decision to put buck in breakup green and ask tommy to move in. the way my stomach dropped in that moment because i knew it was over, they were breaking up, etc. because he was doing it again. once again he was unsure about the relationship and then immediately overcompensated by proposing a major step forward. i think it was a great choice to showcase this again because realizing he's bisexual didn't change the Behaviors. he's still on the hamster wheel. and of course the final name drop change from evan to buck was just soooo. chef's kiss. no notes.

anyway thats all ive got right this second i'll hit yall with a second post about the josh and buck of it all later on (potentially not even tonight depending on how smoothly writing it goes but hopefully sooner than later.) please try to be normal and not kill each other today folks <3 at the end of the day this is a fictional television procedural about first responders, and the real world has enough problems without inventing more things to be mad at.

[xaeydnquartz]

Part of me kinda wants to stop DMing my first and current campaign? IDK just need to vent

So, brief expo. like many, got into CR during the pandemic (mainly due to "The Legend of Vox Machina" which lead to me actually bingeing the all 3 campaigns) During which time a friend (who was in my immediate friend group but like the rest of my friend group, i didnt really feel close to) told me that he was really into CR as well. As a fresh new critter, i was stoked. Was able to share my blossoming love of CR with someone (FINALLY!) during which we both mentioned how D&D looked so much fun and that it would be really great to be able to play and ooo what if we got our friends together and played.

After which we discussed, if we did, who would be DM? Seeing as how none of our friends really played D&D our talk lead to either my friend or me and after asking the question "Which do you think you would prefer more?" It was clear i would try my hand at DMing (i like lore in games, and i like storytelling, and im a tad bit of a control freak at times, lol)

Anyway, we eventually got in touch with our close knit of friends, and though i intended to be a standard 6 we suddenly had an 8 party party (and that was with me having to tell even less close friends there wasnt room).

Feeling it would still be manageable (as there was precedent that i could pull inspo from, CR) i began planning a rough idea of a campaign and working with my friends to create their characters and running a session 0 so we were all on the same page. You know standard stuff.

-Fast Forward to current date and time-

It has its stressful moments, but i still am able to enjoy the time with my friends for the most part (though theres a lot of times were ive never felt lonelier) Which brings me to the whole point of the post, my need to vent to the void about this loneliness. Nobody really gets in touch or interacts with me at all. Not to talk about the campaign or even collab on their characters. The most i get are occasional critiques about how i could have done something better couple sessions prior and request to add another person to the 8 person party. When we have sessions, people show up late quite often, leave early quite often, have to cancel as they have other things they are doing (even though we planned and scheduled weeks prior) and even when people are there they somtimes feel like they arent always present. i already feel extremely distant from all of them as they all live closer to each other while i live on the totally opposite side of the state and theyve known each other way longer than i have, but the minimal interactions they have with me, the DM/GM of all people, just continues to add to all of it I know we all are busy with our lives, and that compared to those things D&D is really not that big of a deal or important. And i get that, it is just a game afterall, but it still manages to hit pretty hard

I've communicated my feelings through our time of this campaign, if im being honest, maybe not this indepth. I mean, its partially because i barely see or talk to them (again life gets in the way) but also because i feel extremely guilty for putting this kind of tension to something we are all supposed to be enjoying and relaxing to. Its especially painful as most recently 2 players, who said they would get in touch with me about changes possibly being being made to their characters, never got in touch in anyway shape or form, and its been about a month now? And session is in a week...i didnt even get much as a reply back. Idk, its been almost about a year now and i felt i just needed to get this out somewhere other than debating myself.

Thanks for listening tumblr.

[milkywaydrabbles]

He who was found in chains, set free. | IV.

Cross posted on AO3, here!

“Ci..circumde..Circum--” You huffed, frustrated with yourself for not being able to pronounce the words in front of you written as plain as day. (Well, you couldn’t read very well, give yourself grace). You tried again, still tripping over your words. It wasn’t even in a language you knew, this was more difficult than you imagined. 

“Here,” Alucard came over, tracing his finger over each syllable, slowly, and repeated it for you. “Circumdederunt me caeli, da mihi ignem”, he spoke so eloquently, as if it had been second nature to him. Well, it had. “Try again, take your time. Once you can say it, we’ll focus on intent.”  You paused for a minute, garnering the courage once again to speak, “Circumde-derunt...me caeli, da.. Mihi ignem.” You exhaled, feeling more sure in yourself. Alucard smiled at you, and you swore your heart ached out of the kindness he had been showing you. “Good, now, let’s think about intent. Do you know anything about that?”

You nodded. “I..understand the thought behind it. I’ve read only a little bit about it. Magic is focused on intent, thinking and visualizing what you need done, what you want to happen...right?” 

“Yes, more or less. I know you can do it, you’ve created fire before.” Barely, you wanted to retort, but bit your tongue. “Now, try simply thinking these words, focusing your intent on making fire again in your hands.” 

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this... 

You focused all your might into thinking, eyes closed and brows scrunched. You cupped your hands, like you did before, and continued to focus. A spark happened, here and there, but nothing substantial. You couldn’t even get another flame like you did last night. And you were so frustrated. This was a simple, stupid spell that you should be able to do. Why was this so difficult for you? You tensed up, continuing to furrow your brow and mumble to yourself, trying your best to get this to work.

“Hey,” a hand gently placed on your shoulder. You jumped. He retracted, apologetic. “Relax, you look like you’re going to combust. Try again, with intent, but don’t think too hard okay? You need to relax.” 

You sighed, releasing as much of the tension in your body as you were able to (years of trauma really makes that hard), and started again. This time, things came much easier to you. A spark, then a small kindling, and then a real flame appeared in your hands. You gasped, and waved it, thinking it was going to dissipate but it didn’t. “I did it...” you sighed, bright eyed looking over to Alucard. “I did it.” 

You really were harmless, weren’t you.

“You did, good job.” He praised, nodding once. “That is how you hone your senses. Replicate that for spells, remember how you felt, what you thought, for the future.” You put out the fire after a few more tries, and clasped your hands together. You were so proud, you couldn’t believe it! The first time you were able to use magic, real magic, and not it be an accident or a miracle. Maybe now you’d be able to actually survive out there with the night creatures! You could live!

...in six days’ time. Right. You had agreed one week.

--

Over the course of the next few hours, Alucard would teach you higher education words, learning a bit more magic along the way and getting used to reading on your own more fluently. You were sure the magic book would be easy for you now! 

“I can only teach you so much magic, it’s never been my strength but you are a natural born witch, you will be able to learn so much more. If you continue to study, I’m sure you’ll be a fierce opponent.” He chuckled, making himself laugh. “Thank you, Alucard, this has been so helpful, really, I can’t tell you enough times thank you.” You shuffled a bit closer, hands clutching at your skirt. “I would...I would like to repay you.” A hand reached out to his hands, fumbling with the metal buckle of his belt. 

“What are you doing?” He sounded panicked, pushing your hand away a bit too harshly and stepping back. He was reliving too many memories, too many nightmares standing in front of you. You blinked, bringing your hand up to your chest to grasp at nothing. “I...am repaying your kindness.” You sounded meek, so soft spoken. “Isn’t this...My master...He said men enjoyed that. It’s all I’m good for, I can’t give you much else--”

“No.” That sent you reeling. “Men don’t ask for that as form of payment from innocent girls, pigs do.” He spat. You flinched, tears accumulating in your eyes. You blinked them away. He took a step forward. “Is that what he asked of you? Is that what he made you do?”

You said nothing, looked off to the side so he couldn’t notice your red eyes. Didn’t matter, he did anyways. He whispered your name. “I won’t ask that of you, ever. Do you understand?” 

“But then how can I service you?” You nearly cried. “What can I do for you to repay you? I’m no good for anything, I’m no good--” a sob escaped. Your hands came up, covering your face in shame.

Alucard wasn’t sure how he could possibly remedy this. This, was much deeper than just consolation. He wasn’t equipped for this. He hadn’t even been able to deal with his own trauma, much less someone else’s. He sighed, closing up the book with a marked page, for later. 

“Go get cleaned up...I’ll make dinner.” And with that, he left.

--

Back in your room you tormented yourself over what you’ve done. I made him angry, he’s going to kick me out sooner now. I just wanted to thank him, is that not normal?? To thank someone after kindness? You continue to pick at the skin around your fingernails, pacing around the room. It’d never dawned on you that what that vile man made you do was inherently wrong. He was cruel, but you had always assumed he was doing what any other man would do. Now, you felt sick to your stomach. You had been the only one in the village doing this? It wasn’t normal for women to do this to whatever man that bought them? Stupid, stupid, stupid. They weren’t bought. Just me! Tears pricked your eyes again, and you rubbed them as if by doing so hard enough, they would just erase off your face. 

You found it best to at least wash your face and change your bandage, before Alucard showed up at your room to collect you for dinner. That is, if he showed at all. You went over to a...sink, is what he called it once in passing, and turned the knobs similar to the tub. You went as cold as it could go, and splashed yourself in hopes the frigid water would knock some sense into you. Thankfully, the shock did its job and you were able to calm down some. After you removed the old, sticky bandage from your upper arm and examined it. It was clean, for the most part. You washed that up too, just a bit, before getting a fresh bandage on one of the shelves nearby. 

 You heard a soft click of a door, and curiously you went back into the main bedroom area. 

There were fresh clothes laid out on the bed. 

Cautiously, you went over to look at the garments, and you gasped. A gorgeous, clean  dark emerald dress, knee length. The bodice was sprinkled with embroidered leaves, the sleeves belled and flowing, and by the cut of it you can only guess it was off shouldered. It was still made of linen, and nothing extravagant by wealthy standards, but it was honestly stunning.  You weren’t sure what to make of it. Should you put it on? Should you pretend like you didn’t see it? Should you tell him it’s too much for someone like you?

All alarms are firing against you, and you wanted nothing more than to run away from kindness, lest you make a fool of yourself again. But you touched the dress anyways, enjoying the way it felt on your fingertips. You grasped it lightly, and inspected it further. It looked...about your size. You weren’t sure if it would fit, but you tried anyway. Your worn down, tattered skirt slipped off you and you pulled the bandeau top away, sheepishly donning on the dress attire. It fit. Somehow, somehow Alucard had a dress in this castle that fit. You would question him about it, if you weren’t terrified of angering him and having him kick you out again. So you’d keep quiet about it. You did your best to tighten up the back of the bodice, and you’re so sure that it looked a mess, but it was cinched up at least. You wished you could have seen what it looked like on you. You had been in your room long enough, and figured it was time to tiptoe into the kitchen and see if Alucard was still in there. You wanted to apologize for earlier, and at the very least verbally thank him for the dress. 

--

Alucard was finishing up plating dinner--it was fish, freshly caught from the stream about a half mile away-- and setting the rest of the side dishes when he heard, faintly, so faintly, footfalls. You were so deadly quiet whenever you walked, he wondered if you did it on purpose. If you’re trying to sneak up on him, if you’re trying to see how far you can get without getting caught, if you’re--

Stop that. 

He shook off his suspicions once more. You had already proven to be innocent, let alone broken. It was far more difficult for Alucard to move past the...series of unfortunate events that had happened fairly recently than he imagined. Instead, he continued to listen to your silent patter of bare feet on the old wood come closer. 

“Hello.” You spoke first. He was surprised. Alucard didn’t turn around, instead went towards the table and finish putting down the last plate.

“Good evening, dinner is ready if you would like to join me.”

“Thank you for the dress.” It was quiet, but it was there. “I would... I would like to join you, yes.”

Alucard looked up, finally, and couldn’t help but stare for a touch too long.

You looked beautiful. The silence was deafening.

“..It suits you.” Was all he said. 

Not much else was spoken between the two of you, as you sat across one another and ate dinner silently. The tension was palpable, nearly suffocating, and Alucard found it difficult to swallow. 

“I’m sorry--”

“About earlier--”

You both blinked, and stared at each other, seems you both had a mind to talk about what had transpired. You let out an exhale from your nostrils that, if he squinted, would have seen it was  a laugh.  Alucard shook his head with a smile, “You go first.” You stalled for a moment, looking down at your half eaten fish (which was delicious, but decided that if you were going to keep crying during every meal you would look mad). Then you found your voice.

“...I apologize...for earlier. I didn’t--” another pause. “...It wasn’t my intention to offend you.” I didn’t know this wasn’t normal. You braved a look up through your lashes, hoping he wouldn’t be upset with you.

And how could he?

He spoke your name with respect, another lurch of your heart. “I think you misunderstand. I was not upset with you, I was...I was upset that some monster made you think that. You are more than just a...” sex slave? “You’re more than that. I hope you understand this now.”

“It’s...difficult....to understand. But, I will try.” 

“Good.”

Dinner went on, and when you were both done you made move to stand up before Alucard. 

“...I can clean.”

He blinked, confused.

“I can clean,” you pressed on. “And I can cook, and I can help farm, I can do all these things.” You didn’t look up at him. “I did them, back in Gresit. He said I wasn’t any good, said I wasn’t good for anything except--” You stopped yourself, feeling bile come up your throat. Saying it was difficult now, with the realization. “But I did them, and I can do them here. I can help you, if only just for the week, to repay your kindness.” Please, let me do something. 

You decided to look at him now. He smiled.

“I would like the help.”

[marsixm]

touch wood bc im always crashing and burning on shit like this but lately ive been somewhat remembering to keep up with a bunch of positive habits ive been trying to stick to for years.

ive noticeably been off my phone, my screen time is way down from last week, and the effects are def being felt. like all the shit where i was always feeling like i had no time, well, actually i do if im not spending a bunch of time distracted by twitter lmao

i know putting it down to one or even two things is too simple but i feel like a bunch of stuff has had a domino effect lately of positive changes adding up. i no longer am hosting people i didnt wanna host at my place, its not unbearably hot outside, im feeling way more secure in my relationships, im feeling confident due to noticeable skill improvements, and all those things are compounding each other and helping me maintain a lot of baseline stuff (mostly cleaning) which is then making me feel even better and able to do more of the stuff i often put off

4 example i finally made an appointment for my next tattoo, finally contacted my apt place about fixing my washer, am actually doing my skin care routine, actually clipping the dogs nails more (tho that ones mostly on him for fighting me lmao), im trying to ease my way back into reading too

a couple changes that are helping are, for one, i changed my morning routine up so i have like 20 minutes before making breakfast to start nursing my cup of coffee while i check my computer, respond to messages, and kinda mentally prep for the day, also instead of having either pure silence im trying to fill with picking out some other youtube video or being on my phone or whatever, im trying to just turn the tv on and let it play american dad (or whatever show ive already seen a million times) which i know sounds like it should be distracting but for me its not, and i really realized that recently that of course it would feel normal to just have the tv running thats literally how i grew up for my entire childhood and adolescence- im also giving myself my specific time for listening to music and time for listening to podcasts, and for podcast-esque yt vids, again everything towards having less mental hangups while trying to get other stuff done, AND im giving myself time to actually catch up on things like podcasts (im up to taz graduation now) which is also handy for not using data in my car, i actually set myself on a 5gb/month plan and this past month i had a whole gigabyte left over! + im amble to stick to the skin care routine better, for example, bc i realized just bc its a before bed skin care routine doesnt mean i have to do it RIGHT BEFORE bed, ie when im fucking sleepy and also dont want my face to feel weird & distracting. like i can do it a couple hours before, even, esp if im not going out. also this is either gonna sound silly or totally reasonable but ever since i got back into elden ring, the feeling its giving me of facing obstacles, getting defeated, but getting back up and trying harder and winning is like genuinely doing so many positive things for my self esteem and brain chemistry right now. also timers! i love timers! having an idea of how long something is taking me, or giving myself a predetermined block of time to do something, or just to nudge me to remind me what i was up to, super helpful

anyway im kinda going thru a transitional period rn bc im improving on a personal level a lot but my social life is kinda whacked out due to communication breakdowns and one of the key people moving states this week, but at the same time im also much more secure in my ability to socialize and bridge gaps and be there for people so its a very mixed bag but im trying to not just survive but thrive right now

[dirtreally]

The ideal toy/action figure is

1) a robot: even if its a really good action figure of like a person or whatever theres always gonna be some disconnect because you cant fucking hide the joints man. And even if you can people just do not articulate like that. If you move your arm your body stretches too. If your toy is a robot it becomes way more convincing as a gestalt being

2)poseable as fuck: rheres so many insanely detailed figurines of like batman or whatever the fuck and hes got bulge definition and kevlar and whatever the fuck but hes a-posingand you can only rotate the arms. Whats the fucking point at that point man.

2.5) it should specifically also have an ab crunch. Ive seen third party transformers that can do an ab crunch while rotating the upper and middle body sections independently and that shit is crazyyyyyyy. It for real adds so much life and presence to poses. The bastard thing about normal hasbro transformers is that they will never ever ever ever make one that has an ab crunch and it makes me so so sad

3) it should transform and/or combine: u gotta give me something to do with it man. Tangentially related but city/base transformers suuuuuck.

Uh huh yeah man thats a city

3.5) it cant be too big or small: if its too big then playing with it becomes insanely unwieldy. The big transformer toys have also had historically awful articulation because of their size. If the toy is too small Its Fine but like deluxe - voyager - leader class ones always feel the best in hand ino. This is why i do not fuck with diaclone.

4) it has to come preassembled it cant be some model kit shit. Sorry im not a real one. Im not about that life. I built a cool (NON GUNDAM!!!!) robot earlier this year and i attached his arm wrong and didnt realise until after i cemented it together and im still recovering. Generally speaking model kits are also mostly hollow inside so theyre less weighty and feel less good to play with.

5) it cant be TOO stylised. This is probably the most contentious one since this is more just a result of me not being The Target Audience but like. Transformers animated optimus prime should not fucking exist in the material realm.

This thing doesnt want to exist. Of course theres the inverse of this where they try way too hard to make it realistic and its like a hypergreebled thing but like thats basically a problem only a specific genre of third party figurines have. The bayformers toys were really good imo cuz they had a lot of detail but still felt very much like A Touy

FINAL THOTS

Every night i see them in my dreams

I know one of them doesnt have an ab crunch but squeezeplay more than makes up for it with the headmaster gimmick and the insane fucking alt mode. Sometimes Just Balling Out Works. This is why i have injector and hes one of my favourite designs transformers has ever done. They for real need to do more shit like him and less Another Guy That Transforms Into A Car But This Time Its 2% More Show Accurate. Its not like i deliberately only fuck with transformers that transform into animals BUT they gotta start finding weirder vehicles to make these from. A helicopter made out of rocks does not count.

I know theres other transforming toy franchises but theyre always either some boutique shit where each toy is 200 dollars or sentai. Which has the problem of not having a lot of articulation (this is fine because these are meant for like 8 year olds but also i straight up dropped boonboomger because every combination theyve given the robot has sucked ass and not even in a fun way like zyuohger). I know theyre doing smp minipla versions that are way more poseable now but again. I dont want to do model kits.

I also really fucking love it when a mecha has like an insane number of guys combining into it. Probably the one time where i will forgive a lack of poseability. Shout outs to go-onger engine oh g12 and boukenger ultimate daibouken (though i feel like this one kind of has a lot less visual impact than the has-1-less-guy super daibouken). The kingohger mecha was a huge disappointment because they wanted to make him one of those guys but by the time they actually combine all 20 bugs literally like a third of them are attached to the back. I feel like relegating a bunch of your guys to Backpack Duty is super cheating. Also the regular nonsupercombined kingohger mecha has spiders on his dick.

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders Viewers' Choice: Beast IV L

if anything's getting my icon blurred out, it's this one. anyways!

it's that time of the month once again, and this time I feel like an absolute beast. well, to be more accurate, y'all felt like getting an absolute beast. a beast (fgo definition) that summons beasts (D&D definition). I'm sure this won't be confusing at all.

as usual I highly doubt this build is even remotely balanced for actual PvE play, but beasts are supposed to be world ending threats, so that shouldn't be a surprise.

the build itself will be under the cut, because hoo boy there's a lot to go over.

first up, beast IV can show up in her standard Koyanskaya form, which is the one primarily used when outside her lair. this is effectively a suped-up version of Koyanskaya of Dark, with access to unlimited weaponry and NFF-brand grenades, all of which work like standard "weapons of <x> slaying" do in D&D- they deal extra damage to humanoids, and can knock humanoids prone.

the big addition here aside from standard high-level-boss resistances is her Add to the Collection ability, where once per day she can try to forcibly plane shift a non-humanoid creature into a demiplane of her creation, basically putting them in suspended animation. this will be important for later.

form two is effectively Koyanskaya's big shadowy fox form. I didn't make any hard and fast rules about how these forms connect to one another, but I would probably say her masked form can turn into this combat form once a day, probably for a couple minutes at a time.

the gimmick for this fight is her Seasonal Cycle, which both reduces the number of legendary actions she gets to actually attack people each round, but also gives her buffs. I tried to keep this close to her lostbelt-based buffs in her final fight, but I also changed the names to be less FGO-centric if you want to use this build in a game. there's not a ton to say about this one that isn't regurgitating the seasonal cycle, it's just Masked Form with a bigger focus on kicking humanoid ass.

The big nipply form shown in the build picture has a lot of text, but I'll do what I can to break it down. This is Beast IV's final form, and it's the one that sets up the Tunguska Sanctuary in the first place, so there's a lot going on. Once again her humanoid-slaying effect grows larger, but she can only take this form in her lair, plus her speed is cranked wayyy down at this point. I just. cannot imagine that thing moving any faster than a crawl. if you need something done fast, that's what your lackeys are for.

speaking of lackeys, let's Reveal the Collection. this is a ten-minute ritual, which upon completion can summon copies of creatures that were stored by the Masked Form. The higher the CR of the creatures being made, the less you can make at a time, and the shorter your range is. there's also a lesser version of this you can do as a legendary action, and it's restricted to one creature at a time, of up to CR 10.

but of course, you need a place to put all those creatures! that's why she's got Regional Effects too! it's a whole lot of text, but it basically boils down to making a life zone and a death zone around her lair. half of your collection will tend towards the life zone, and half towards the other. in the life zone, the area is choked by plants, slowing down all humanoids in the area, and also healing effects targeting non-humanoids are more powerful. the death zone has extreme heat, and humanoids have disadvantage on saves against it. also, all summoned creatures in this region have double their normal perception distance when it comes to perceiving humanoids.

-------------

So overall, this build isn't a world-ending threat like Tiamat, or an orbital laser like Goetia, but she's not supposed to be a full-grown beast yet, so I'd cut her some slack. plus, if your party includes non-humanoid players you can make a dozen clones of them to fight the party which sounds like a really fun time. that being said, I do pity any DM who as to keep track of her seasonal buffs in a fight.

[callibones]

Whats your favorite version of Revolver Ocelot?

this is the most difficult thing anyone has ever asked me. i know this because i thought "oh! it's obvious" and then changed my answer so many times that i realized id hit ALL of them.

in the time it took me to type that paragraph my favorite changed three more times and im not kidding. im feeling it wildly fluctuate in my brain.

mgs1: ocelot classic. old man loves his revolvers. adore. went to torture university and got a degree in torture and now everyone's saying boo hoo torture's immoral.

mgs2: liquid ocelot. outstanding. hes even better in mgs4 but here hes already wonderful. it doesnt even matter where hes better though because liquid ocelot is one Version. so the only preference ive been able to determine here is irrelevant to the question.

mgs3: baby ocelot. ocelots are proud creatures *spins guns for several minutes and MEOWS*. i understand how he felt when big boss called him pretty good and you could see in his eyes him falling absolutely in love. this ocelot made me adore all ocelots more for having met him. so absolutely a contender. but

mgs4: liquid ocelot again. here hes OUTSTANDING. dude is SO not liquid snake and it SHOWS. hes having so much fun. that one scene where he does the thing with the finger guns. is just. perfect. hes in his element. his boss fight is perfection. but

mgs5: cowboy ocelot. theres no two ways about it this ones hot. sorry. the other ones are just endearing and delightful but this one. i dunno. he still sucks. he pronounces french wrong on purpose because he hates french people. iconic behavior. his design is at his best. the polycule is in fucking shambles. hes in the same game as kaz which would overshadow literally anyone else except venom snake and him. (huey is not overshadowed because he was never a contender for most endearing. hes one of my favorite characters in media for different reasons. this is because he is so patently over the top horrible in such a fun way that hes different.)

after going through all of these in my head i can safely say that like.

i love love love ocelot classic but the others are better. fourth favorite

cowboy ocelot is really fun and fantastic and funny. gets great lines and hates the french. third favorite

between baby ocelot and liquid ocelot i am agonizing. but. but. but.

hold on i just remembered cowboy ocelot does that thing in 5 where he echoes all of the lines from big boss about how guns work and i remembered i loved him even more than i thought and now im stuck between those three again. anon what have you DONE. this is CRUEL.

um

okay im at a loss i was hoping describing each of them in turn would help but im even more dead set in the tie now. liquid ocelot is so different from baby ocelot is so different from cowboy ocelot. cowboy ocelot is, even more than ocelot classic, the Platonic Ideal of revolver ocelot, Fully Formed but not yet in his Containment Breach Form. so as far as who i think of when i think of my "favorite ocelot" it's gotta be cowboy ocelot. you can chart the line from baby ocelot right to him and see how he got even more iconic. with his stupid hat

[huntingteeth]

Ok, so, if you don't mind, I picked 3 questions each for ikhwghgia and hallmark AU. Please pick the one you want to answer most, if that is too much. ❤️

ikhwghgia:

21., 7., 9.

hallmark AU:

3., 11., 18.

ikhwghgia:

7. What is your favorite scene that you’ve written so far?

Uh the whole thing tbh. But for the fic as a whole, probably the first dream sequence with IV and Sleep and then how it links up later in the fic - an unplanned happy accident tbh.

9. What is your favorite dialogue that you’ve written so far?

I think I write pretty good dialogue in general.🫡 That’s something I’ve always liked about my own writing, that the dialogue generally feels natural lol. I have two favorite parts from this fic, though - the first being after III comes out of the first dream/vision and can only repeat the things he heard in the dream. That was a pretty fun exercise in making things make sense with dialogue that didn’t necessarily fit within the scene in question.

My second favorite part is this one:

III sighs and crawls over the couch, ignoring the sound Vessel makes when he accidentally elbows him in the chest. He pats II’s lap and then hooks his thumb over his shoulder. II rolls his eyes but moves out of the way for him. II sits next to Vessel in III’s empty spot and drapes his legs over his lap. Vessel wraps a proprietary hand just above II’s knee. III knee walks closer to IV and asks, “Can I look into your brain?” “Is that something you can do?” IV asks nervously. “Have you done that before?” “I’m not going to scramble your brain,” III answers, decidedly unhelpful. “I’m just going to look at all your secrets.” IV looks over at Vessel and II in alarm. II rolls his eyes again. “He’s not going to look at all your secrets.” “Boo,” III says as he raises his hands. He grins at IV to show that he’s joking. “No, I’m just going to see if I can peer into your void space and see what’s going on. I wouldn’t look at your secrets.” He cups IV’s jaw in his hands, and he must wink or something, because IV goes a delicious shade of red. Vessel’s grip goes a little tighter on his leg. IV’s mouth is curved into a little frown, but he nods in III’s grip. “Okay,” he says. “Yeah, sure, why not?” “Need you to let me in, sugar.” III croons. “You do realize I’ve heard that song now, right?” IV says, catching III off guard. III dips his head to snicker and says, “Whoops, you caught me. You liked it, though, right?” II can’t even tell if he means the endearment or the song. Vessel has a hand pressed against his eyes and the slump of his shoulders looks vaguely defeated. IV looks flustered but more relaxed, which was probably the point. III wriggles his shoulders. “Okay, time to be serious. Remember how it felt when we locked the bond in place?” IV hums a breathy affirmative. “Yeah, you do,” III says under his breath. Then, louder, “We need to be aligned like that, so I can slide right in.” Vessel chokes. IV’s cheeks may very well just be red forever. II pats Vessel’s shoulder in commiseration.

21. Share 3 songs that would belong on a playlist for this chapter/fic.

this one is too hard 🫣

hallmark au:

3. Who’s your favorite character for this chapter/fic?

All of them lol. I have an obvious soft spot for IV, and I enjoy writing the women, but I think Sam’s my favorite at the moment. The way he opens his home as soon as he realizes that IV is going through it and the way he offers himself as a safe spot for IV really gets me, even as the author of this fic. In that first chapter, where he and IV are with Vessel, II, and III in the shop and he can tell IV is overwhelmed so he tucks him in close and lets IV hang onto him?? Absolutely wild; I enjoy this character I’ve written immensely.

11. What scene are you most hyped for this chapter/fic?

For this chapter, there’s a scene with a baby animal that I’m hyped to write. Chapter 2 definitely ends with a baby animal lol.

For the fic itself, I’m hyped about two scenes in particular, and without giving too much away, there’s a character that hasn’t been introduced yet who's going to have a significant impact on IV’s life and I’m excited/nervous for that introduction scene, and then I’m also hyped to write the farmers’ market scene because, in a way, it’s a lore dump lol and serves to flesh out the characters and the village.

18. Share the scene you just wrote, written from another character’s POV.

I’m gonna do a scene from the first chapter lol.

II ignores the urge to retaliate when III shoves his elbow into his arm. He turns where III indicates and sees Sam’s car pull into a parking spot in front of the coffee shop. Sam and the girls, as well as a man II recognizes only from photographs pour out of the car, and II lifts a hand in greeting. This is the mysterious best friend, II supposes, who hasn’t visited before despite how long Mattie’s lived in the village. He greets Sam and Lyns, and watches over their shoulders as the man pauses with Mattie at the front of the car. Mattie leans in and murmurs something that has the man nodding hesitantly. He sways into Mattie’s side, as if seeking comfort, before walking up to join his friends. Mattie loops her arm with the man as she says hello. “This is IV. IV, this is III and II.” II feels III start to move at his side and knows deep in his soul that III’s going to be fucking weird immediately. He aims his elbow toward III’s stomach and says, “Don’t do it, asshole.” III slithers away from II with a wicked gleam in his eyes, and scoops IV’s hand up in both of his. II dodges as III retaliates by kicking one of his long legs out at him and regrets not retaliating earlier. Why does III continue to be the most annoying man in the universe? They’re never going to make a good impression at this rate. IV shoots Mattie a look, freaked out, and II grips the bridge of his nose. “Hello, IV,” III says. “It’s nice to meet you.”

[alienaiver]

Hey Nohr! I'd love to join your writing game! How about either Hawks or Aizawa (you chose!) and 124?

hi hey luna !! 🥰🧡 im glad you joined, i hope you enjoy it as well! (and sorry about the delay! 🧡)

i chose hawks (ive never written for him and i wanted to try!!) and the number gave the sentence: "this place creeps me out"! there's fluff ahoy and 1k words 🧡✨ hawks picks you up once and is mentioned to have done it before, but he is the number 2 hero, so!!! 💪🏼💪🏼

You’re walking behind Takami with your eyes looking around, trying to take in everything. He’d said that he wanted to bring you somewhere today, and had flown for over an hour with you in his grasp. Even if you have been dating the number two hero for over six months (though none of it has been discussed or is official between you, your brain reminds you), you’re not used to his choice of transportation. But it does make sense, he’d get recognized on trains too easily, and you’d have to pretend you didn’t know each other.

”This place creeps me out.” You say, your hands linked behind your back. Takami barks out a crude laugh as he slows down to walk next to you. He reaches out with a looped arm and you wrap yourself around it. ”It’s a very special place, sweet tweeks.”

Sweet tweeks. Takami had a special way of coming up with nicknames you felt you’d heard before but were completely made up. It was a cute little quirk and you felt warmth grow in your face whenever he came up with a new – ridiculous – one. You hum a reply and squeeze his arm, noticing the rust on the pipes that’s running along the building walls. The weather is sunny but the tall buildings are stealing the rays from you and so you can’t help but shiver.

You reach a dead end and Takami laughs, ”up we go!”

That’s the only warning he gives you before he once again picks you up like you’re simply a backpack with nothing in it. You can’t hold back the surprised squeal coming from your body and he can’t hold back an airy laugh. He finds this more amusing than you’d like him to, ”Keigo!” you scold, but it’s really to no avail.

When you reach the roof, he lets you down gently and lands next to you, a laugh escaping him at your wind-blown hair. You pout and sigh but he just grabs your chin with his pointer and thumb, ”look, squidling. Isn’t it beautiful?”

He turns your head slowly to the view you’d barely noticed when you landed and a gasp leaves you. Takami whistles before wrapping his arms around you from behind, ”breathtaking, right?”

He kisses the top of your head and you nod, ”it’s not as creepy as from below.” you admit, wrapping your own arms around his. It’s a sunset over the water. You’re on top of a building that isn’t the tallest, but it towers over the smaller ones in the area. The water has turned a deep red from the setting sun, reflecting small and beautiful sparkles. A content sigh leaves you.

He leans in and kisses you behind the ear, ”almost as breathtaking as you.”

You can’t hold back the snort you let out at the cliché line he just send your way, the image of a wannabe bad boy coming to your mind. As much as Takami enjoys flirting with you shamelessly, it usually comes in concrete compliments and teasing.

The banality of the line makes you push yourself closer up against his back. He happily pulls you closer, his lips not leaving your skin.

”y’know…” he whispers, fingers fiddling with the hem of your jacket, ”I really like you.”

You stay silent, holding your breath. You like Takami a lot but you’ve also tried to be mindful of his space – of his position as the number two hero. Forcing him into a relationship wasn’t something you’d been interested in doing to him. But you also cannot deny that this is somewhat of a dream come true. Something that’s been brewing the past six months.

It’s a long time to keep someone at arm’s length, anyways.

He stays silent so you chance a hum, to show you’re listening. He sighs deeply as his head slumps onto your shoulder. A nervous chuckle escapes him, ”I’m usually not this scared about anything…”

His arms tightens around you as he whispers his most sincere confession, ”but I’m terrified of losing you.”

You give his arms a reassuring squeeze. You’re about to say something supportive, something understanding but he straightens up and talks again, ”but I want to be honest with you, squinky. I want to introduce you to people – close friends of course – as my partner. I wanna call myself your boyfriend. But it’s something… that I’ve been running away from for a very long time. When people come to close, I…”

He clicks his tongue, annoyed by how tongue-tied he feels. You squeeze at his arms before you turn around in his grasp and face him. His cheeks are a wonderful shade of red, accentuated by the red skies. As the sun’s final rays disappear, you feel a shiver run through you.

You run your hand over his cheek and smile, ”we can take this at any speed you’d like. I know you’re used to being the fastest but… it is possible to do things slowly sometimes.”

He snorts and looks away. You often do this, see right through him. In the beginning, he bristled when you hit too close to home but he’s started enjoying it, wanting to see and hear more from you – even if he feels naked and powerless underneath your all-seeing eyes.

You lean in to give him a light peck on the cheeks, ”if I’m honest… I feel giddy thinking about calling you my boyfriend. But titles aren’t all in a relationship. Communicating about where we both stand – like we’re doing right now, is fine as well.”

He smiles, ears burning red at your admission. Then, he returns the peck but deepens it, ”this is actually my secret spot where I come to think. I wanted to share it with you because… I want to share a lot more from now on.”

A teasing smile erupts on your face and with a teasing tilt in your your voixe you ask, ”even your fried chicken?”

Takami shakes his head before nuzzling his nose up against yours, ”doodly, we’re talking marriage before I share my chicken with anyone.”

You laugh and punch his arm without much force, ”I’ll look forward to that proposal then.”

The sky isn’t even close to be as red as his face.

[geodetojoy]

ALRIGHTY i am no longer busy so heres my full thoughts on Newsies :DDD

tagging @royallygray and @mysteriouswolf if yall wanna read :D

ok this shit got LONG so the rest is under the cut

GOD where do I even start its beautiful its wonderful its emotional i love it so much

Ill try not to copy my intermission thoughts too much (if you havent seen those here they are)

Ok lets talk about the history of it. A quick google search says its based on a strike in 1899, and Roosevelt ran for presidency in 1901, so we'll just say the musical takes place in 1899 too (correct me if theres a different confirmed time).

During this time, work conditions are absolute shit, monopolies and trusts are on the rise, and the concept of a union has recently emerged. I really didnt need to say much of this bc its apparent in the musical, but i love historically accurate stuff so deal with it /lh

And in the musical we see the beginnings of Roosevelt's trust-busting and ideas of social equality that he acts on during his presidency (it also kinda ties into his environmentalism stuff a bit too!)

And after reading up a bit on the strike the musical was based on, a lot of the effects of the strike in the musical were historically accurate too! the newsboys could sell back papers they werent able to sell on the streets, but the price was unfortunately not yet lowered. (also, the names of the publishers in the show are historically accurate as well!!! makes my little history brain happy :DDD )

SO whats the point of all of my rambling here?

people make historical art all of the time. we see it in musicals like Annie, Hamilton, and so so many more. obviously this goes beyond musicals here, but since newsies is a musical ill try to stay with that topic.

anyway, we learn about history to learn from it. we see these past issues that our previous generations struggled with, in these art forms as to be easily digestible, and we discover their solutions. we get to see the humanity behind the issues and the conflicts they faced to overcome them. and ofc its not the only reason, but one reason these stories are told with art is to bring attention to them. people are way more likely to listen to music than study a historical textbook. so, they make it entertaining. they make relatable and lovable characters. they make people care about the show and subsequently the issue itself. all of this is to explain how and why things that happened in history are bad as to never repeat them again.

We see these topics of worker mistreatment, corrupt businesses, child labor, gender/sex inequality, and the class separation all brought to the spotlight in this show, and it does a damn good job of showing the pain and suffering they cause. the story of this show is incredible and so very important to learn about.

OK now onto the actual musical itself im done nerding out

ive done a lot of charater analysis already in that intermission post bUT WHO SAYS I CANT DO MORE HAHA

im saving jack for last bc theres so much to unpack there

KATHERINE MY LOVE <3333

Everything about her being a girlboss absolutely remains the same shes INCREDIBLE

and holy shit PULITZER'S HER DAD???? i love her even more. she directly ran away from an easy life to follow her own dreams and pursue her own passion from scratch. incredible. inspiring. mwah

i also just love her personality. shes so bubbly and happy and passionate and bright and optomistic shes the best <3

oh god crutchie. hes absolutely my favorite btw im sorry everyone else i adore him <33333

GOD his prison song actually killed me. im fully dead. deceased.

THE NEWSIES ARE SUCH A FAMILY GAHHH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH RAHHHH

the sheer ecstasy i felt when he came back and hit Snyder with his cane i could not stop stimming MY BOYYYY

the absolute definition of sunshine character. he sees everything as glass half full and wants just the brightest future he deserves the absolute world

and ik i talked about it earlier but i adore how they take such a neutral opinion about his leg. people give him shit for it, and his brother beat them to a pulp. its just a part of him and they love his whole being, so why would they not love that about him too?

Les only got better as the show went on. i thought he was a smartass before LMAOO

AND THE DATE BIT??? WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM???? AND IT JUST NEVER GETS BROUGHT UP AGAIN LMAO WHAT

i think the biggest change i felt towards a character was Davey

he grew on me soooooo much his character growth is everything to me

he went from trying to stay out of their business to teaching them what a union was to helping them start it to running it himself when jack ran off to convincing jack to come back when times got tough he is sooo important to the story

and to me. hes important to me <3

OH AND RACE

i saw people mention the name before but i didnt know which he was until they addressed him directly I LOVE THAT GUYYY

especially in king of new york hes got such a big personality what a silly guy

OK now for the guy the silly the mc jack

At the beginning he is entirely driven by both his love for his family and ofc his dream of living in Santa Fe, but atm hes just trying to get by so hes more focused on the newsies. but a boy can dream

then he gets all caught up in the strike business and only focuses on that for a while bc he wants to protect his boys

then shit goes south. they get essentially jumped, and crutchie gets hurt and arrested.

and he thinks, what was it all for? if he couldnt protect his brother (never living that down btw), whats the point of even trying to strike anymore

so he changes his focus back to santa fe. the one thing hes still got going for him.

and he gets confronted by katherine, les, and davey, and they knock some sense into him. stopping the strike isnt going to take away any of the harm done. the danger is expected, theres no way any of this could go down without some form of a casualty. so why not try to do something about it. the only way to make this situation better is to get back in the game and keep pushing for change.

and ofc the thing with katherine which ill talk abt a bit more later

in all of this, something in him changes. he dreamed of santa fe, a simpler life, one where he didnt have to worry about having to afford food and clothing for the next day.

but what he never considered was the loneliness. sure, he offered to bring crutchie and katherine with him, but hed be leaving behind so many more. and thats when he realized he never needed to get out, he just needed things to change a bit. and they did! because of the strike, living became so much more affordable. no it wasnt perfect, but it was enough to be safe and secure, just like he wanted. and he had his family beside him the whole time.

ill admit that before i sat and thought about it for a while, this ending was really unsatisfactory to me. i mean we got how many santa fe reprises? all for naught?

but in reality, santa fe would never be enough for him. hes just so used to this life surrounded by the people he cares most about and doing everything in his power to protect him, hed just be so bored, so understimulated, and hed just continue to yearn for more. that path of wanting would never come to a conclusion and hed live his life never truly being happy. so i really do thing he made the right choice in staying, because new york became his santa fe. he didnt need to seek it out, it came to him.

Ok now with him and katherine

ill start by saying i do really adore them. i feel like a lot of what im about to say might seem like i think otherwise, but i truly do think theyre very sweet

ok so every interaction of theirs in act one was. very uncomfortable to say the least. he honestly seemed really predatory at times and it just really felt like an old-timey romance where the girl doesnt know her worth so she flocks to any guy that shows interest in hr bc she thinks its her only purpose

now obviously that is NOT the truth, those were just my first impressions. Katherine is extremely capable of taking care of herself and deciding what is and isnt right for her, she likes jack purely because she can and does. she knows her worth and just likes him bc she likes him, no strings attached

i will say the first kiss kinda caught me off guard lmao. like i knew they were gonna be a thing but that is NOT how i expected that to go down. its likely just bc of my aroace-ness but i saw no sign of them actually getting together prior to that, aside from them being the main man and leading lady in the show so ofc they have to be together. i mean ig her reaction to him drawing her was a bit of a hint but still. ok maybe its just bc im demi. hadnt thought abt that until now. damn. is this a normal thing? maybe it is. maybe im being too harsh. idk lmao

anyway ill admit the kiss was successful in getting his attention and getting him to listen to her so ill give it that lmaoo but tbh i did tune a bit of their song out bc it started to make me a bit uncomfy but i did liste back to it later on. they really seem to have a healthy relationship where they both care about the other and know the other is strong enough on their own, they just both want to be a part of the other's life. its really sweet! theyre so supportive of each other!!! green flags all around!!!

the bit with him learning shes pulitzers daughter was really interesting to me. at first she tries to talk to him but he kinda brushes her off, but from then on he just kinda has full faith in her? i mean yeah he gets upset about it bc he thinks she lied to him, but i dont think he thought she had any ill intentions. that was a complicated sentence lmaoo damn. i think he really understood that she wanted to help, he was just caught up in a lot of Feelings and was afraid that she wasnt trustworthy despite him still trusting her. and then he let her explain and from then on they fully support the other and trust each other immensely

so yeah first impressions were a bit iffy but i think theyre very sweet <333

OK GOD CAN I GUSH ABOUT THE STAGE DESIGN FOR A BIT???? GAHHH

i mean the moving stairs and scaffolding arent new. i know this. but just the way they frame scenes with the scaffolding is stunning. the chase scenes??? dude. enthralling. the bits where theyre in the city and they have people just up their acting like civilians? SO cool. makes it incredibly more realistic and believable. and the way they projected images onto the curtain-like things they pulled down was extremely creative!!! like in theory its such a simple design. it was literally nothing more than the scaffolding and stairs, and a few tables and wagons and such in certain areas. but they did SO much with it it was hard to believe it took place on a stage. ofc the filming helps with that but still. the start felt like it was on the roof of the building bc of a combination of the lighting and the use of just one of the scaffolding pieces. and when theyre in buildings, the wall of scaffolding works really well as a backdrop!!! and i already talked about the city street scenes, it fits perfectly. god its so inspiring id love to be behind something like that one day

OK AND THE CHOREO??? the sheer ENDURANCE of these people HOLY I COULD NEVER. THE FLEXIBILITY? THEYRE ALL LITERAL GYMNASTS WTF ARE THESE FLIPS AND HANDSTANDS IM SORRY???? holy shit its all SOSOSO impressive

oh my god i havent even talked about the MUSIC yet

if i had to choose a favorite song, a, i would punch whoever told me that in the face, and b, i would simply combust bc i cant choose just one

my top three tho would have to be between king of new york, carrying the banner, and crutchies prison song (idk the name its not on spotify :'((((( ) in no particular order

i havent had them on repeat enough to have any memorized, but i did remember santa fe, carrying the banner, and the world will know from the last time i watched it and i belted along to all the parts i knew this music is so good at hyping me up I WANNA START A UNION

and oh my god katherines voice???? stunning. her song is sooooo good. her part in king of new york is incredible. i love her <3

jesus christ this post got out of control. im still not done lmaooo

ok one thing that really has nothing to do with the musical itself is just the fact that it reminded me of so many other musicals ive seen at specific parts, even some of the songs sound like others i know.

Santa Fe really reminds me of Maybe from Annie, both music-wise and lyric wise. i mean theyre both "i want" songs so it makes sense but i feel like they sound kinda similar too. honestly a lot of the music sounds like Annie, but maybe its just the types of instruments used and thats just how musicals sounded when they were made. i think they were made about the same time. *checks spotify* ok well the newsies i listen to was produced like 40 years after Annie so maybe that just a stylistic choice-

idk why but the beginning of watch what happens sounds like the intro to reginas speaking part in meet the plastics lmao-

oh and brooklyn's here has the same beat as the military from Seussical but thats just bc its a marching song lmao. its also the same beat as the spanish alphabet song my spanish teacher used to use!

ok and this one really doesnt make sense but something to believe in reminds me of the power in me from Twisted lmao- kinda similar message ig? and sound vaguely similar? but idk it really doesnt make too much sense

i should. i should sum it up. this is getting out of hand.

okay i love this musical sm. clearly. do you see how long this post is. i was missing out when i refused to listen to it previously. oh my god.

and for some reason it really makes me wanna go watch my favorite musical so im ending this here TO YOUTUBE I GOOOOO TY FOR READING IF YOU DID AND TY TO ROYAL FOR UNINTENTIONALLY PUSHING ME TO WATCH THIS HAVE A GREAT DAYYYY

[spankingwishes2-longerstories]

The Audience - Part IV

Our story so far: Penelope, hesitant to perform analingus in front of unexpected company, has been sorely spanked and strapped by Mrs. Nilsen, felt up by Jena, caned by Irene, and corrected by Patricia’s hairbrush before being set to stand facing the wall. 

***

Jena leaves me standing there, crying quietly, my over-baked bottom on display, traces of multiple arousals sticky on the insides of my thighs.  Not surprisingly, I’m the main topic of conversation among the women.

“Really, she’s seldom this poorly behaved,” Mrs. Nilsen apologizes on my behalf, making my ears burn.

“Oh, I’m sure,” Patricia says sympathetically.  “No doubt it was just the novelty of guests, so often a cause for misbehavior,” making me sound like a small child.  “And she was good once you got started.  Apart from her hand, that once.”

“Yes – she’s never done that,” Mrs. Nilsen growls.

“Do you ever strap her hands?  Like with a tawse, or a cane?” Patricia seems to suggest.  “It’s quite effective.”

I’ll bet, I thought, and hurts like Hell, too.  The thought of it literally makes my toes curl (so why does it turn me on so much?).

“Have not tried that,” Mrs. Nilsen says – which did not encourage me.

“A dozen on each palm with a tawse or good, heavy single strap – three or six at a time,” Patricia adds.  “Only takes a minute.”  Oh, that’s good, I thought bitterly.  “It’s not limited to reaching back – also good for excessive masturbation,” she finishes with.

“Or untimely masturbation?” Irene asks.  There’s a chuckle I don’t get until Jena says “Hey!”

“Any sort of inappropriate masturbation, I’m sure,” Patricia says dryly.  Bringing the conversation back to me, she says, “Does Penelope masturbate frequently?”

My ears are already red even before Mrs. Nilsen says “Constantly.  Unless I forbid her, then it’s only frequently.”  There’s another chuckle and Jena giggles.

“Do you watch her?” Irene asks.

“As in, have her put on a show?  Or keep an eye on her?  In either case, no, not really…” Mrs. Nilsen admits.

“Oh, you should,” Irene goes on.  “We didn’t get into edging, exactly…”

“Well…” Jena giggles.

“Apart from that – but it can be quite effective, once you’re used to stopping her when she’s just right there – and she gets used to getting there and staying there for you.  Of course, it helps if you can back it up by her keeping chaste the rest of the time.”

“She’d have trouble with that,” Mrs. Nilsen complains.

“This is where a little hand-spanking comes in,” Patricia reminds her – and she doesn’t mean over-the-knee bottom-slapping.

“Yes, it takes a lot of practice.  Does she hump herself on things – the corner of the table, a bedrail or even bedpost?”

“Not as far as I know,” Mrs. Nilsen replies.

“She will – if you keep her denied enough.”

“And I should forbid that?”

“Only if she climaxes – otherwise it’s really just more edging.  You might want to watch her at first, and see,” Irene instructs.

“Do you always punish her this badly?” Jena asks.  “I mean, I know you showed me she still needed more, no argument there – but patches of her bottom look pretty sore…”

Parts of my bottom are ‘pretty sore’ – I’ll be surprised if I have any skin left!

“Are you finished with her?” Patricia asks.  “If you have a rubber strap – they seldom damage the skin.”  My skin crawls at the mere mention.

“Actually, I do have a rubber paddle somewhere, now that you mention it,” Mrs. Nilsen says, and I feel the tears in my eyes again.  “But to be honest, I almost never punish her like this,” (thank God!)  “She rarely does something so blatantly disobedient and disrespectful.”  I feel a little twinge of pride, hearing this.

“Still, it’d be good to have that handy, since you seem to be frequently concerned,” Patricia presses on.

“I’ll dig it out.  We’ll be having dinner soon – and I don’t like to spank right after eating,” Mrs. Nilsen explains as tears begin running down my face.  “Maybe a little bit at bedtime, if she makes it necessary.  I doubt it – but it’s been a strange day.”  A rubber paddle!  On a bottom that can’t possibly take any more!  With no ‘reason’ to stop…

“It would be wise, I think,” Patricia insists, “Don’t skimp.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t,” Mrs. Nilsen agreed.  Crying steadily now, I’m starting to notice how she seems to like taking Patricia’s suggestions.  “Really, I have a several much more pressing activities for her, later, when we don’t have the audience she objected to.  After all, as much as she paid for her reticence, she deserves her privacy.” (privacy I was not getting at the moment!)

“What sort of activities?” Irene asks, to my unending horror.

“Well, as you know, she’s expected to perform some form of analingus daily…” Mrs. Nilsen elaborates, as I blush at the word.  “Cunnilingus first, today, and a greatly extended session in the back, I think… perhaps an edging display, as you suggested…”

“Or two,” Irene says.  “That’s rather the point.”

“Or two, exactly.  Massage and little services, that should take us to bedtime.”

“Will you let her climax?” Jena asks on my behalf, only to be met with silence.

The silence – on such an important question – drags on so long (it seems to me) that I actually turn and look at them.  Mrs. Nilsen seems to be looking at Irene, who seems to be considering her own preference (probably ‘no’) versus Mrs. Nilsen’s, which may be different.

However, that’s no longer an issue as all four of them look at me, saying ‘Penelope’ with different intonations.  I’m already facing back to the wall, but it’s too late.

“Well that answers the bedtime question,” Patricia says triumphantly.

“I’m afraid so, sweetie…” Mrs. Nilsen says.  “You have been listening to us, haven’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I blurt, nearly blubbering now.

“Pity,” Jena says sympathetically.

“You know,” Irene says, also sounding sympathetic, “There are other options.”

“Such as?” Mrs. Nilsen asks with more interest than I’d like.

“Well, hot cream, for one – like for arthritis.  It won’t damage, the skin, exactly – and you probably want to put a girdle over it – but it could keep her bottom hotter than it already is, for hours and hours.”

“I don’t have any in the house – and I don’t have a girdle.  For her, I mean,” Mrs. Nilsen says – and I imagine her blushing.

“I could bring you some – and any tight-fitting pants would work, especially with nylon panties.  Also, you’ll want her in a thong underneath, to make sure the cream doesn’t get where it shouldn’t – that’s a punishment neither of you probably wants.”

“Anything else?” Mrs. Nilsen asks, maybe considering it.

“Well, you could probably spank her over the pants – and it’d feel like worse than bare to her,” Irene adds.

“That’s an option,” Patricia notes with more enthusiasm than I like.

“Maybe for another time!” Jena says in a panic, still serving as my guardian angel.

“What do you suggest?” Irene challenges her.

“I’m sure she means the spanking, not the hot cream in general,” Mrs. Nilsen says soothingly.

At the same time, Jena is saying, “Well, I just thought… you know, you said that she hates having her cheeks spread…”

I listen, horrified.  Here I thought Jena would save me from something awful – only to have her suggest something more awful!

“You know, or to reveal her… um…”  It sounds as if Jena, like me, has no word she’s comfortable with to referto what she’s getting at.

“Anus,” Irene says blatantly as I cringe.

“Right… maybe something about that?”

“You could use a crop, if you have one,” Irene suggests to Mrs. Nilsen (she does).  “A good little smacking there – with or without other places – would keep you from having to worry about her bottom…”

“Is it the audience that embarrasses her?” Jena asks – presumably asking if they need to watch!

“No – it’s anytime,” Mrs. Nilsen says.

“Yet she performs analingus daily?” Irene asks.

“Yes – odd,” Patricia agrees.

“I make her – that is, I punish her if she doesn’t.  In any case she says it’s not the same,” Mrs. Nilsen explains.

“It would save her cheeks,” Jena says.

“And it would count as a spanking,” Patricia says.

“Or it could be something else,” Irene says.  I can almost hear everyone look at her but, having gotten in even more trouble once already, I resist.

“Maybe having to display it – to all of us – would be punishment enough,” Jena says to Mrs. Nilsen.  “After all, if she’s embarrassed just around you…”

“Yes, that, too,” Irene concedes.  “Maybe while she edges herself – or is edged.”

God, I think, like either’s not bad enough!

“But I was thinking more along the lines of pegging,” Irene continues. 

“Hmmm…” Mrs. Nilsen considers, “Humiliating… can be a bit painful, even with lube…”

“If you choose to use it,” Irene chips in.

“Irene!” Jena cries.  I am liking her more and more.

“She would definitely hate it,” Mrs. Nilsen concludes.

“Without having to worry about her cheeks,” Irene adds.

“Or both,” Patricia says, predictably.  “Nothing to keep you from spanking her a bit anyway.”  Knowing Patricia’s idea of ‘a bit’, I am not in favor of this.

“You are talking about sodomy with a strap-on,” Patricia states. 

Thank you, Patricia, maybe some of us weren’t quite clear on that?!? But I keep that to myself.

“Taken literally, yes,” Irene answers.  “But it doesn’t have to be – it could be over your knee with the handle of your hairbrush,” she explains.

“Then you’d definitely want lube,” Jena says – clearly she’s identifying with me, not my tormentors.

No one rushes to agree as my tremors make me shake.

“A lot of options,” Mrs. Nilsen observes non-committally.

“Not mutually exclusive,” Patricia continues to campaign as I continue to sob almost silently.

“And one more,” Irene (who else) insists.  “Clearly she’s never been figged?”  Now, I know what this means – and I do not want it!  I wail just a little.  “See?  She knows!”

Patricia says, “Peeled ginger root up her bottom.  It’s used to prevent clenching during caning or – and very appropriate today – to make corner-time miserable or to address violations.”

“A ginger root up her bottom?” Jena asks, incredulous.

“It burns – that’s why it discourages clenching,” Irene explains the obvious – avoiding much of what I assume Jena’s horror is based on.

“I also don’t have any ginger root,” Mrs. Nilsen says, but I’m not completely relieved.

“You can get it in the produce section of any grocery store,” Irene says helpfully (I really hate her!), “But if you decide to go that way give me a call first, there are preparations you can make to increase its effectiveness.”

“Make it worse, you mean,” Jena clarifies.

“Well!” Mrs. Nilsen declares with an air of finality, “A lot of good suggestions – thank you, everyone!  I’m not, I’m afraid, going to use more than one of them tonight – if any,” and I get a glimmer of hope, “but I’ll certainly consider each and every one of them.  (this sounds bad but I have too many current worries to have room for any future ones.)

“Maybe we can reconvene at a later date,” she continues, sounding like she’s running a meeting, “When I’ve had time to prepare – and assemble some reasons – and we can try out these alternative methods and locations of discipline.”

“Oh!” Jena says, “I’ve thought of another one!”  And then quickly – under Mrs. Nilsen’s glare, I imagine – adds “I’ll call you.”

“Yes, do that, thank you – but I’m keeping you from your dinners…”

“Must run!” Jena replies, gets her purse (I imagine) and heads for the door.

“Well, Penelope, it was a most interesting afternoon!” Jena says rather loudly as she approaches.  Then, once she’s past me, she stops.  I keep my nose pointed toward the wall as she says, in a much quieter voice, “Sorry our little game was interrupted.”  She puts the edge of one finger on my bare hip – an oddly intimate gesture – and I can’t help but notice that she has it hidden from the others.  “Maybe our next encounter will be more productive.”

I nod my head a little in acknowledgement, still being careful not to repeat my corner-time violation (oh my God, that would be the worst!)  I don’t know if she means that I’ll get to climax… or that she will (from me, not self-generated)… or that she’ll get to punish me directly (she’s the only one who didn’t get to).

“It’ll be… nice…” she says ambiguously, finally breaking contact (even though she didn’t move her finger, I felt like it was drifting around to the front and lower with every little tick of the clock).  She backed away slowly before turning to depart.

This is the dilemma I always face – if Mrs. Nilsen checked right now I’d probably be punished for being so wet – and the idea of each of those – her checking and getting caught – is making me so much wetter!

Next to go is Irene, with Mrs. Nilsen walking her to the door.  She, too stops to say goodbye with “Thank you, Penelope - glad I could hone my caning skills, with your help, of course.  Ana, if you enjoyed comforting her…”

“Oh I definitely did… in fact, I would have liked a bit more latitude – I was quite, quite ‘ripe’ by the time we’d finished,” Mrs. Nilsen tells her.  I knew if I was expected to reply I’d be told to, so I didn’t.

“Hear that, Penelope?  Sounds like you’ll be seeing more of me… and feeling a bit more of the cane…”

Mentally I’m saying, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Not just the cane, Irene – I’m hoping we can expand our scope to include elements both disciplinary and… rewarding…” Mrs. Nilsen says.

“That will be wonderful, Ana,” Irene confirms, “So long, Penelope.”

Mrs. Nilsen returns to Patricia and they move further into the kitchen, where I can hear their voices but not make out the words.  I have a feeling of ‘I’m not out of the woods yet’ – particularly concerning the older woman’s expressed desire for me to be spanked at least once more that evening.  But when they approach, even out of the corner of my eye I could see that she’s leaving, gaining me a few hours’ grace, at least.

“Goodbye, Penelope,” Patricia announces as she addresses me – and I definitely feel like I should be facing her – possibly even kneeling.  “I hope and trust the afternoon was of benefit to you – it’d be a shame if it wasn’t.”

“Oh, I’m sure it was,” Mrs. Nilsen assures her and I ask myself ‘Is she simpering?  Really?”

“You still have some issues with your comportment – completely correctable – but I’d say you’re well on your way to becoming a fine young lady.”  I can’t resist beaming at this praise and stand a little straighter.  “It may be a painful journey – it’s certain to be – but I’m sure you’ll find each of your many lessons well worth it.  I hope you can accept your future chastisements without the ingratitude you displayed today.”  My frame of mind turns as quickly as her praise does and I find myself squirming where I stand – both from her harsh words and the arousal that comes with it.  If Mrs. Nilsen checked right now…

“I’ll do better in the future, I promise,” Mrs. Nilsen promises her.  She’ll do better? I ask myself, What gives?

But I am not to find out today.  “See that you do,” Patricia says flatly, and even so (and even though they’re directed at Mrs. Nilsen) I nearly convulse from the sternness of her words.  After the long, emotional afternoon I still have a sob or two just from the overwhelming emotion.  I sense, somehow, that Patricia disapproves, though she says nothing.

Mrs. Nilsen walks Patricia to her car, taking a while to return.  When she does she says, “You can move now and get us some snacks – dinner will have to wait.  I need wine, a bath, and service.  You need a shower and – don’t tell Mrs. Reynolds – more skin cream.  Soon as your bottom’s recovered you’re going back over my knee.”

[thephoenixandthecrocodile]

My thoughts on Rings of Power Episodes 4 and 5 before I watch Episode 6

Episode 4

Overall episode 4 is definitely a filler episode or b storyline episode and I’m fine with that. Sometimes, as a writer, you accept that that one chapter isn’t as strong as the rest. That being said I wonder if the scenes that make up this episode might have felt better pacing wise if worked into other episodes instead of cramming the filler all in one episode?

That being said, I love the developing relationship between Isildur and Arondir. I know Arondir has to die sometime between now and the end of the series because otherwise Isildur would have destroyed the one ring.

I also love Isildur’s developing arc where he seems to become a spokesperson for the southlanders to Numenor whenever he returns. I imagine both Elendil and Miriel and the rest of Numenor want nothing more to do with the southlands and I can see Isildur campaigning their cause, similar to how Boromir campaigns Gondor’s cause to Aragorn: “yes there is frailty in men but there is also strength and courage.”

Estrid as a character herself is meh, but what she represents is really interesting in context of the bigger story. You can’t expect everyone to be suicidally brave all the time. People want to survive. To paraphrase another franchise, “Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they're lost forever.”

Oooh Isildur you’re such a disaster. Only you would stumble upon the bog of eternal stench

“We shall call this lunch.” XD

Rory Kinnear! As someone who is not a huge Tom Bombadil fan (don’t kick me out of the fandom), I was more excited that Rory Kinnear was in this show than the character he was playing. That being said, I liked his portrayal of Tom especially the mind games “Is anyone else with here with you?” “You’re here, right? At least I think you are.”

Also, I didn’t mention this last time, but the whole “no one can give you a name, it finds you” bit is so trans coded.

Also, Gandalf you have like ten million names, so don’t start XD

And I would die for that lamb, Iawain I think their name is.

Stoors! Future Hobbiton!

HOLY SHIT ENTWIVES!!!! The Ents have always been my favorite part of the Lord of the Rings universe and to see an Entwife! I want to cry!

I would die for Winterbloom. She can do and has done no wrong. I support her murderous rampage against all tree enemies

That scene with Arondir and Winterbloom: forgiveness takes an age. It had me near tears. And “do you think they know peace?” It was so beautiful and gentle and so Tolkienesque. It was absolutely perfect.

I’m really curious how Theo’s storyline is going to develop. I can see him becoming one of Isildur’s trusted knights. Season 1 I was convinced he’d end up as a nazgul, but this season I’m not so sure.

The bickering between Galadriel and Elrond was fun, but also put aside your pride and be friends again! You need each other!

Poor Elrond feeling responsible for Brimby’ fate ☹

 The barrow wrights were fun. It was cute that this was basically everything Peter Jackson cut out of the first half of Fellowship minus Glorfindel.

I swear Elrond’s hair grows poofier the more stressed he is

“According to lore…” Elrond, you big nerd

Not enough Adar this episode.

Episode 5:

Dwarves!

Argh, Durin III you drive me crazy. I want to like you but also you are a stubborn ass

Love the whispers that occur when Durin III takes one of the rings.

Also love that the dwarven ring is like crack for Durin III. Let me make a huge hole in the foundational way, let me introduce a new tax system, alienate all my allies by demanding half of their wealth in exchange for these awesome rings, and forgive my son while discounting his wife’s opinions all in one day

Also love the sheer terror in Durin IV and Narvi’s faces as Durin III almost brings down a foundational wall XD

And those dwarf miners are so me. Get to go home early? Don’t have to tell me twice

And that’s going to come back and bit them in the ass right? You can’t just weaken a foundational wall and expect nothing bad to happen, right? (I know nothing of construction, but I feel like that’s a bad idea)

That Khazad……DUM was pretty awesome

I love this idea of the resonating being a gift from Aule, a skill that has been passed down generations and is this time honored traditional that belongs to the dwarves and then these rings come in and try to replicate that power but whereas resonating is having a conversation with the mountain, the ring just pierces through the mountain and sees what the wear wants to see. It’s an interesting commentary on how outsider will try to appropriate indigenous skills without truly understanding its purpose or how it works or how it helps maintain balance within the ecosystem

Also can I say one more time for those who missed it DISA IS MY QUEEN AND GODDESS. I WILL DIE FOR HER

Sauron is soooooo done with this gathering it’s hilarious. He is me during any and every work meeting

Ah Brimby and Narvi having a moment together. So sweet

DOORS OF DURIN BABY!!!!

Guarded by a password known only to “friends”. Eh, eh, get it? Haha

So I know Sauron really left because he doesn’t care about the doors, but I also choose to believe he left because he was jealous of the banter between Celebrimbor and Narvi XD

Oooh this balcony scene is painful because of the levels of gaslighting.

“You don’t always listen. Once you have an idea set in your head” – god I’ve heard things similar to that so many times from my own abusers.

“It is a game you play, is it not? Sowing seeds in others’ minds and then convincing them that the fruit is of their own thought.” - Brimby is starting to get it, but too late. :(

Also I love that Celebrimbor is so fond and protective of his dwarf friends. “this is a night for dwarves” and then later when Sauron tries to cast doubt on Durin III’s character, Brimby says such a strong NO! So different from the relationship between dwarves and Elves in the third age, when an Elf would probably be more likely ot distrust Durin III instead of the rings themselves.

Celebrimbor may be a dwarf man but he does NOT like men (the race, not the gender haha)

Also love how queer the relationship between Celebrimbor and Annatar is. As much as I’d love to see an official queer couple in LOTR world, I also love how often Patrick and Payne queer-code things. They seem really open to the idea of queerness in Tolkien, so maybe we’ll see a queer couple some day?

Nine rings?! Yeah, it does seem like a lot, right? I thought so when I first read the poem XD

“Fine, I’ll do it myself” poutness activated!

Also, Brimby, dear, when did you lose control over your own forge? Do you even know how that happened?

Fucking Pharazon and Kemen. Hope a sea monster eats the both of you

Also Pharazon makes the most demented grandpa/santa claus face right before ruining his son’s life

Seriously who tells their son, “hey, did you know your mother said you were going to die horribly” while breast feeding you that one time? Like WTF? Would have felt bad for Kemen IF THE REST OF THIS EPISODE DIDN’T HAPPEN

Elendil, darling, what are you doing in the queen’s bedchamber in the middle of the night?

Also, I’m not usually a shipper, but every time Elendil and Miriel are in a scene together I’m like:

Also poor Miriel trying so hard to do what is right. Terrified to do anything that could jeopardize her people’s future

The chest touching, the arm grabbing, the hand touching. You two are soooo in love, you dorks

Fucking Kemen and Earien

I LOVE that Elendil spends this entire scene thinking, “can punch the kid. Think of what Miriel said. Really want to punch this kid. No, no. Keep calm, keep calm.” XD

Ok Earien and Elendil need some family counseling. They’re both grieving and so they’re lashing out but also “and yet overthrowing a queen earned you a promotion” and “you’re path is made of seawater” is soooooo cold, Elendil

I’m annoyed with Earien but I understand her and I feel bad for her. She’s truly alone because her Dad and oldest friend don’t do feelings and her brother is dead and the other one is Eru Iluvatar knows where. (also is anyone going to tell Anarion that Isildur is “dead”?)

But seriously, Earien, you can do better than Kemen

Gil-Galad’s vision!!!

Run, Elrond, run!

Edna Mode: No capes!

Disa! Disa! Disa, just let the rock go! It’s not worth it! You’re going to give me a heart attack!

Nothing bad can happen to Disa, you hear me Patrick and JD?

The Watcher? It has to be the Watcher right? I can’t see the Balrog hanging around a pool of water

Just thinking about Arondir’s relationship with the tree he had to cut down in season 1 and his conversation with Winterbloom and Disa’s personal relationship with the mountain and the importance of respecting your own environment and ecosystem

Also, it’s tragic how these rings bring so much hope to those who receive them/make them and we all know what they will truly wrought. The downfall of so many people/kingdoms

“Who set these restricts?!” Haven’t we all been there? We made rules ages ago and then we’re like wait who’s the mook who made these rules up? XD

Love the small panic about misplacing the ring and its heaviness

Durin IV will put up with a lot old man, but don’t you dare disagree with Disa! She is ALWAYS right

When will people LISTEN to Durin IV!!! FFS

Celebrimbor’s little anvil paperweight is so cute :3

Do you think Sauron was insulted when Mirdania called him stinky? XD

Also, I like the hint that even though Celebrimbor is “old” looking, he’s still got quick reflexes and prowess as he dodges and counters Mirdania’s attacks.

Also, that look on Celebrimbor’s face when Mirdania explains what they were doing. I think he is taken aback not just because of what they did but also because, potentially, that is something Annatar should have known was dangerous and how to counter the negative effects. They’ve made ten rings together already. Surely Annatar of all people should know how volatile and fussy mithril can be.

Also fucking Annatar being all, “we could really use your help” *puppy dog eyes*

Seriously WHEN WILL PEOPLE LISTEN TO DURIN IV

Also love that other people just call him Durin the younger XD

Sauron just doesn’t know how to flirt, does he? Let me compare you to my ex-girlfriend. That will win you over, right? Also, your boss is secretly that flaming, stinky thing you saw. Just trust me on this

“Meet again in a far green country under a sweet sunrise” *cries*

Elendil puts a clam for Isildur and it ends up being for Valandil *cries*

FUCKING KEMEN, YOU LITTLE SHIT!

“It’s in the way of the new aqueduct” Ok, that line reading made me laugh

HOW DARE YOU DESTROY THAT RELIC!! KEMEN YOU LITTLE SHIT

Elendil FINALLY punching the little shit

“May the Valar forgive me.”

Meanwhile the Valar are eating their popcorn and chanting: “punch the little shit. Punch the little shit.”

“Put it down, son” *cries*

VALANDIL NO!!!! KEMEN YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!

The washing away of the blood – just KEMEN YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!

So Isildur’s eventual return to Numenor is going to be realllllllllly awkward

“Just be mindful someone is not manipulating you” Sauron, you little shit

Poor Brimby, so terrified of questioning Annatar, but having to do it for his dwarf friends

And then Annatar’s all like, “While you lied, so it’s your fault.” Such a little shit

I really feel like Celebrimbor wants to say, “But I lie to my cousin all the time. It’s what family does, after all haha.”

I also love that Annatar’s like, well the dwarven rings were made under a cloak of deception and that’s bad, so let’s just finish the nine since we’re in hell anyway and Brimby’s just like, “Yes, the trauma and depression agrees with you.”

Poor Durin and Disa. They just want to do what’s right for their people and their king. :(

Also that need flourish to the dwarven theme kicks ass. Well down Bear McCreary

 Poor Brimby. Lashing out at his artists because he can’t come out and admit what he did and all that guilt and shame eating him from the inside out. He needs Durin IV to move in with him and call bullshit whenever Annatar speaks

“The nine must redeem us all” *Cries* You did nothing wrong, Brimby, except trust a random man who did an impressive lightshow and called himself a messenger from the gods. Yeah…that wasn’t your best moment haha

And then the trembling hands because he knows something is wrong, he just can’t figure it out and he knows he’s to blame but he can’t understand why. *cries*

Charles Edwards is going to break me in the next few episodes as we get closer to the end.

I love how Gil-Galad is like we can’t defeat both Sauron’s and Adar’s armies and that’s it. End of scene. It’s like, do you have a plan? Are you going to do anything besides look pretty and depressed?

Adar! Adar! Adar!

Why does Adar look so turned on by Galadriel holding a knife to his neck? XD