#but their characters just suffer from that relationship

[5000stars-in-reach]

This may sound odd but I started queer shipping as almost a reaction or rebellion against shitty straight romances in media. I hated how if there was a guy and a girl on screen together they would always end up together at the end for absolutely no reason. Like, why is there this half-assed romance plot shoehorned into the end of this action movie? It was like it was impossible for them to be friends, their relationship had to be romantic. Oh no, they smiled at each other, time for them to get married and kiss! Let's suffer through this god awful, awkward as hell, sex scene because two members of the opposite sex shared a meal. Guess what, friends can eat food too. I'm tired of shitty romances ruining a great friendship. I was even forced to watch awful rom-coms that had zero chemistry and zero likeability for years and I am so done with this shit.

So anyways, since we live in a world where gay people exist and I'm queer, I decided to apply that hetero logic to characters of the same gender. I felt like, if we can't have a guy and a girl who get along just be friends then we don't get two girls or two guys being friends. I'm just applying what I had been taught for years and consistently shoved down my throat more broadly.

Despite enjoying romance, I still love to see good depictions of friendship in media between all genders and would love to see more. I think we don't see enough deep platonic relationships that feel real, believe, and grounded. Like relationships that are strictly platonic and feel very platonic. For me, devotion and/or spending time doing a group activity isn't enough to make an interesting platonic relationship. I want to see examples of friends having inside jokes, knowing and understanding each other's quirks, I want them to have gone through tough times together and supported each other throughout. I want to see and feel the characters platonic chemistry. Clance & Max as well as Jo & Greta from A League Of Their Own are some standout examples. There are also a lot of platonic relationships dynamics that feel boring and overplayed. Or the individual relationships get drowned out in a group dynamic and just kind of fade away in the background.

For me a lot of shipping is about spite and not necessarily romance. I still enjoy it and have fun but I don't only want that. I do still want to see platonic relationships that feel 100% platonic. If there are romances that have a lot of romantic chemistry, then I want platonic relationships to also have platonic chemistry.

“we need more platonic relationships in media” your inability to turn off your shipping brain is a You problem

[flowersforthemachines]

Some facts about Harding gathered from the banters

I went through all companion banters on DanaDuchy's channel after playing the game to write down all facts about companions/the world that I haven't seen brought up anywhere in the game as a writing reference (and for funsies).

Note: This list may not be exhaustive. I might have missed some something or didn't write it down because I considered it common knowledge. If you have anything to add, please DM me or send an ask! (do specify what banter the information is coming from, though)

Note 2: Posts from this series (mostly) don't include information from banters specific to quests or between companions and faction members. I plan to do another playthrough to capture more of those and will add any relevant info to the character posts.

Other characters' posts: Bellara, Davrin, Lucanis, Emmrich, Neve, Taash to be added tomorrow (or on Monday Jan 5th)

Family and past:

Harding's parents split up a few years ago. Her father lives in Amaranthine. She's okay with that and thinks her parents are happier apart

Harding’s mother never taught her how to cook, she's entirely self-taught

Harding carries around the first letter her Mother sent her after joining the Inquisition

Harding doesn't have siblings 

Harding had a mabari named Contessa who passed away from old age

(If in romance) Taash offers Harding to get a mabari together

Time with the Inquisition:

Back in Skyhold, Solas once told Harding he was sorry dwarves couldn’t dream

Harding thinks that if she had never joined the Inquisition, she probably would’ve got married and tended to goats

Harding volunteered for the Inquisition because their soldiers kept scaring the sheep because they all had super old maps. And because she didn't want to spend the rest of her life watching sheep

General: 

Harding likes sandwiches, they are one of her favourite foods 

Harding finds Treviso very beautiful (who doesn’t) 

Harding would bring a bow, clean socks and a spoon to a deserted island

Harding likes books about blood and gore

Harding doesn't like killing, but she doesn't feel bad about it. She compares it to farmers having to kill wild animals that get too close to their land, as sometimes a quick kill can prevent more suffering (i.e. if a wolf gets inside your sheepfold, your own animals will die in pain)

She says that this kind of mindset is the reason why a lot of Inquisition scouts came from farmers, as they need to kill people when necessary (even if those people aren’t their enemies personally), but don’t go out looking for it

Harding likes almonds. They are crunchy :) 

Harding is fascinated by Minrathous’s nightlife 

Harding doesn't drink alcohol 

Harding really likes puns

Harding has fought a Stormrider dragon before 

Harding has a detailed and decorated scrapbook with her kills (with doodles. Including a cute giant spider)

Harding never visited Nevarra before the Veilguard, though she had heard of Cumberland’s Summer Exhibition. Emmrich disregards it as just a market with a horse show 

Dwarves and magic:

Harding finds herself more hungry than usual since getting hew new powers

Neve and Emmrich hypothesise that Harding developing Titan powers may have increased her lifespan (or even granted her eternal life) 

Harding describes using her magic as “touching something vast and eternal, a well, deep inside”. Lucanis says that it sounds similar to him using his demon powers

Relationships with companions:

Bellara, Neve and Taash call her “Lace”. Davrin and Lucanis call her “Harding”

Emmrich calls her "Harding" most of the time, though he calls her "Lace" on two occasions (in a banter about Emmrook, and the one where he talks about seeing her aura differently after he becomes a Lich)

Harding grows special plants for Davrin to help him mask the griffon smell in his room

Harding grows truffles for Assan

Harding lets Assan sleep on her

To Lich!Emmrich, Harding appears different from other dwarves. She has a special aura (but it comes and goes)

Harding buys an enchanted barbed arrow to take out Lucanis/Spite if push comes to shove. She later tries to give it to Lucanis and apologises, but he insists she keeps it as a sign of his trust

Harding finds Teia intimidating because she is “polished” (Lucanis disagrees but notes she keeps good track of all utensils Viago poisoned at the table) 

Teia called Harding fearless in a conversation with Lucanis

Harding invites Neve to her house in Ferelden after Neve's apartment in Minrathous burns down, in case she wants to get away from the Lighthouse 

Harding is very excited about Neve taking over the Threads (“Do they have to kiss your hand?”) and wishes she were a crime boss

Harding once dreamt of Neve stealing her strawberry tarts

Harding starts humming Taash’s name to herself after they get together

About gifts from Taash: 

Harding doesn’t use the archery bracer because it feels so special she’s afraid it could get lost or get dirty

She also doesn’t wear the hairpin because she’s afraid to lose it

Taash got the cheese in Minrathous

Conclusion: get Harding cheese, it’s the only thing she isn’t afraid to actually use

Garden and plants: 

It's enough to mention a plant for it to start growing in Harding’s garden

The Fade plants normally don’t need tending. However, they may begin to wilt if that’s what you expect them to do 

Smuggler’s Rose clouds the person’s mind if you are wearing it like perfume, letting you pickpocket other people more easily

Sage bane mixed with troll moss can be used to treat toenail fungus

[maximwtf]

as a junho lover i am BEGGING you to please release the fic you had 😭😭😭😭

Hwang Jun-Ho x detective! Reader

Words: 3970

google docs pages: 6

Warnings: Platonic relationship mostly, but squint and it’s not. Squid Game season 1 spoilers, violence, guns, choking, character death but not major. 

Opening: You and Jun-ho are colleagues and your shift tonight would only consist of being on patrol. This leads to a lot of talking as per usual, before you spot something suspicious.

AN// G/N reader. A lot of you wanted me to post this ancient piece of media back up, so your wish is my command. This was actually fun for me to read as well. This was last posted in 2021 and soon after deleted, no memory of why I did that :”D. But I hope yall will still enjoy this s1 inspired fic ! And before anyone asks, I won't write a pt 2 for this, since I don't remember where I was taking this story initially;(

“I know you miss him.”

You were walking behind Jun-ho towards his car. Tonight's shift would be just you and him on patrol. There was nothing surprising with that, since he was your partner and you had gotten to know him pretty well over the years. But the problem was that you hadn’t slept well last night, and you had forgotten to bring your lunch while in a hurry this morning. So this meant that you'd either have to be without food the whole night or beg for Jun-ho to stop for a moment before the stores closed.

You watched how Jun-ho unlocked the doors of the car. The front lights lit up for a second, Indicating the doors had opened. He stepped into the driver's seat and sat down. You soon followed and sat down on the seat next to him. Nothing out of the ordinary, another normal shift. 

The car was almost fully white, with two stripes going on both of the sides. The smaller stripe was yellow and on top of that was a larger stripe in blue. Under the stripes was text that said ‘Police’. On the roof of the car, there were the usual police red and blue lights but also a bigger light for searching in the dark. The seats were fully black, like most of the car was on the inside.

Jun-ho started the car, and slowly drove away from the police office. The sun had gone down a little bit ago, and slowly but surely the street lights had turned on. It had rained earlier that day, so the streets were a little wet still. The car had no lights on inside, only the lights on the control board were illuminating a soft light against whatever it managed to touch. The street lamps passing by allowing some more light to come in every once in a while. This was exactly what you were used to, since the two of you had been on night patrol a lot recently.

You sat in silence as Jun-ho drove through the familiar streets. Watching the yellowish lights as they passed you, one by one. Your gaze wandered off to Jun-ho. You couldn’t tell how he was feeling, since he was only looking at the road with no defined expression on his face. He had told you on your last shift that he hadn’t seen his brother in a while, but you weren’t sure if he had been found already or not. Not sure if it was appropriate to ask about it again, seeing as it might have been a sensitive topic. But if Jun-ho was feeling out of it, you weren’t sure if he should be working a night shift.

“Hey, could we stop by a store? I forgot my ‘lunch’, and I don't want to pull an all-nighter without anything to eat.” You requested with a hint of embarrassment in your voice. But it was either this or having to suffer through the night with no food. Either way, this was maybe the best way to start a conversation, to see how  your partner was doing. Jun-ho turned his gaze at you for a little bit before he replied. “Sure, just make it quick.” He said with a nod. 

Soon the car pulled up near a store and you left to grab something to eat. Knowing that you didn't have a lot of time, you just took the nearest thing that happened to be some sort of a salad. You grabbed the nearest energy drink just to be sure the night would pass smoothly, and went to pay. As you were walking back to the car, you saw Jun-ho writing something on his phone. Not thinking much of it, and seating yourself back down next to him. “Sorry for this. I’ll try to wake up earlier next time.” You apologized, while placing the food on the back seat. “It’s okay. You didn’t waste much time.” He hummed as a reply, and started the car again. The small walkie talkie that he had connected to his belt was making noise. The other officers that were on the same shift seemed to be actively talking right now. This didn’t worry you yet, since they would have contacted you two if something was going on nearby.

After a while of going around the part of the town you were supposed to patro, you reached back to get the energy drink. Staying up late last night had started to turn against you, starting to feel awfully worn out by now. Your eyes were looking at the almost empty streets, as you lifted the can up to your lips. 

Your gaze detected movement on the road, and soon seeing a dog crossing the street. Jun-ho didn’t seem to be bothered by it, continuing on. Panicking for a moment when the realisation hit you that he must have not seen the damn thing. You quickly put the can on the cup holder. “Stop, there’s a dog!” You exclaimed to Jun-ho. His eyes widened and he pressed down the brakes. The car stopped just in time, and the dog crossed the road quickly, with its tail in between its legs. Your body almost hit the dashboard, but thankfully your seat belt held you in place. You were both staring at the road with widened eyes. All you could hear was heavy breathing that was coming from the both of you. 

You slowly leaned back and rested your body on the seat. “Pull the car on the side of the road.” You demanded quietly, voice firm. Jun-ho did as you requested, and parked the car on the side. “How did you not see the dog?” You asked in a much calmer voice, body seemingly still in some form of shock. You didn’t want to be mean to him, since it could have just been a mistake on his part. “I was in my thoughts. I’m sorry for putting you in danger.” Jun-ho sighed, with his gaze avoiding you. “Now, you look at me and tell me what is going on. You seem totally out of it?” You huffed and tilted your head in confusion. It took him a while, but he turned to look at you again. “And now the second part. Are you doing okay?” You asked the question in a different way so he couldn’t avoid the topic. “I’m doing just fine. I’m just a little tired, that’s all. I promise.” Jun-ho tried to convince you.

He turned away to start the car again, but you had other plans. “Have they found your brother yet?” You asked with a more monotone voice. Trying to dig a little deeper this time. Straight after saying this, Jun-ho stopped completely for a brief moment. “He’s…still missing.” The man admitted quietly while looking at the windshield. He leaned back on the seat like you had done and closed his eyes. You furrowed your brows in worry. Before you were able to reply, he continued. “I have reported him as missing already, but they can’t seem to find him. I have some evidence of..something but nothing that would actually help.” He pressed his palms against the steering wheel firmly, eyes opening again.

You looked at him with a freshly formed frown on your face. “What's the evidence you’ve found so far?” You asked, interested in the topic because you wanted to help him. “A card with a circle, triangle and a square on it. My brother had one in his room and I recently saw another man have a similar card. They’re related but I don’t know how.” Jun-ho replied, and turned his gaze back to you with sorrow behind his eyes. “Well, have you talked to the man yet? Maybe he knows what’s going on?” You tilted your head. “I tried to, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to tell me anything..” The man sighed again, but this time with more frustration. “I know you miss him, but you can’t give up. Did you see what was written on the card?” You patted his shoulder, an attempt to wipe the saddened look off of his face. “There was only a number on the back, nothing more.” He explained, not much to go off of. “We need a little more evidence to really start looking into this, but I can try to help you. I’m sure we can find him.”  You tried to smile a little and offered a hug to him. Jun-ho looked at you for a moment and accepted the offer.

After you had pulled back from the hug, the walkie talkie started to make noise again. Jun-ho answered it quickly. The person talking to Jun-ho told him to switch cars to a civil one, because they had spotted something going on near you two. Jun-ho ended the call, and started the car again. “Seems like we’ve got a case on our hands.” He hummed, and pulled the car back on the road. Like nothing had happened.

At this hour it was fully dark. Only the street lights, signs and the lights from the car broke veil the darkness. There were only a few people walking on the streets, most likely coming from a bar. 

Before you knew it, you had arrived all the way back to the police office. You could barely see the whole building in the dark, the city having not invested a whole lot on the building. Jun-ho took the keys from the car and stepped out. You took your items and followed him, hurrying to the side of the car he was standing by. He led you to a fully black car, around the corner from the office. “Let’s be quick.” He stated quietly and opened the door to the passenger seat. You smiled at him kindly, and stepped in. He soon sat down on the driver's side and pulled the car onto the road. “Where are we going?” You asked while putting on your seat belt. “Here.” Jun-ho said as he was typing the location on the navigator. You didn’t recognize the street’s name, but you decided to not ask where it was located. You’d see soon enough. “Did they tell you what was going on there?” You asked for more information, hoping that Jun-ho didn’t mind. “Someone who we have been looking for has been reported to be in that area. We were called to check if he’s still there.” Jun-ho quickly explained while driving faster. You two didn’t have time to lose, since the man could get away any moment. 

The navigator kept giving directions, and Jun-ho was following them. You seemed to be getting closer by the second. But suddenly Jun-ho slowed down the whole car. “What are you doing?” You questioned your partner. But what you didn’t know was that he had seen something far more important to him than the person you two had been called to look for. “That’s him. That’s the man that had the same card as my brother.” Jun-ho said quietly before he started to back up the car. He backed in the shadows and turned off the lights from the car. “I might get fired for this, but I'll make sure that you’ll be fine.” The man murmured, as his eyes were following Gi-hun get picked up by a big van. “Wait- Are you trying to tell me that you’ll disobey the request to find the man the office has been looking for just to follow him? What if we end up in danger? There’s no backup.” Your heart beat got faster the more you thought about this. This didn’t seem like the worst case scenario was going to be fired, but something way worse. “This might be my only chance to get to know where my brother is. I’m not letting this go.” He replied with confidence in his voice.

As much as you appreciated and trusted this man, you weren’t sure if you should tell him no. And even if you did, would he even listen at this point. Before you had time to say anything against his plan, the van started to drive away. Jun-ho started to slowly shadow it. He had turned off all the lights from the car, and he wasn’t using the headlights either. You had never been in a situation like this, but there was no getting out of this now.

“Do you have a phone?” Jun-ho asked with a more serious tone. “Y-yes, why?” You asked but still showed him your phone. It was almost fully charged, only a few percents missing. “Good. Just in case we get separated.” He nodded and kept following the van. “So are you saying we might? We’re not getting out of this car are we?” You asked in a panicked voice. “You don’t have to. But I want to know what’s going on. They’re clearly going somewhere and my brother has to be somewhere with them.” Jun-ho spoke, attention clearly keen on the van. 

Soon the van stopped. The navigator showed that you were close to a port. Suddenly you were able to see multiple of the same kind of van going the same way. They all turned and started to drive towards a cargo ship. There was a lot of space for all the vans and some people with red clothing showing where the vans should be parked. Seemingly a well orchestrated operation, whatever this was.

Jun-ho stopped the car and parked it so that it wouldn’t be too easy to see. “Now. You stay here, and I’ll call you in a little bit once I have found out what's going on here.” Jun-ho started to undo his seat belt and get out. “Wait- We don’t even know who these people are, and we don’t have any backup. What if they come and ask what I’m doing here?” You started to get restless. “Just..” Jun-ho had to think about this for a moment. “Tell them you’re waiting for your boyfriend.” He finally said and closed the door. Your eyes widened for a moment but before you could form any words, he was gone. 

There were more lights near the port, so it was easy to see all the grey vans enter the ship. There were huge yellow towers built to hover on top of the bridge that led to the ship that had multiple bright lights showing the way to the drivers of the vans. There didn’t seem to be anyone else but more of the people with the red suits. The situation unfolding before your eyes, seemingly sketchier by the minute.

It was hard to see, but you could make out where Jun-ho was standing. He took out his phone and started to type something. You started to look even more worried. Now wasn’t the best time to start looking at your phone. The worry caused your hand to start wandering closer to the door handle. Your eyes were still focused on him, and you saw when he switched the phone to a gun. Only hoping it was loaded full, but it wasn’t safe anyway to go on a mission like this with only one gun anyway.

As your hand started to open the door, Jun-ho ran from the place he was hiding in. From what you could see he had hidden behind one of the vans. “Damn it..” You cussed under your breath and got out of the car. After making sure that there was no one around, you ran towards another van, and copied what he did. You got on your back and quickly got under the van. Quickly finding something to hold on to and lift your body up from the ground.

Soon after doing this the vans started to all move in the cargo ship. There was some talking  you could hear, and after that the ship left the port. You had no idea where the two of you were going, but you had to follow your partner. You would never forgive yourself if he never came back from this mission that no one even had an idea you two were on. Knowing no one would believe you if you told them Jun-ho had disappeared just like his brother.

The vans you had gotten under were neatly parked next to each other, near the back of the ship. You saw him shift and then get up, still staying behind the van. You took a quiet deep breath and followed his lead. “Hey.” You whispered quietly, so that no one would hear you. With a quick movement he was pointing his gun at you, before he realised who it was. “What are you doing?! I told you to stay in the car?” He whispered back with tension in his voice. “And I’d go to the office alone, to explain to the boss where you had disappeared? As if they’d believe me.” You murmured back. He then quickly switched to your side. “Do you have your gun?” He whispered close to your ear. You shivered slightly at this, placing your hand over the firearm. “I do, it’s full,”  you whispered back. He only nodded at you and went to peek over the edge of the van. While he was doing that someone started to talk through a microphone. “Check the players,” echoed through the ship. With this the side doors of the vans opened by themselves. 

“Get in.” Jun-ho whispered quickly before he stepped in one of the vans. Without another thought you stepped in the van that Jun-ho had been under, ready to follow his lead. Knowing by now how sensitive this situation was. One wrong move, and you’d truly see what these men dressed in red were truly up to.

Your eyes scanned the people sitting in the van. You couldn’t see too well, no lights on in the vans. But no matter how well you looked, you couldn’t see anyone that even slightly looked like Jun-ho’s brother. Before you knew it, you heard the drivers of the cars step out. Your eyes widened. The only thing you could think of was to pretend to be one of the people in the van. 

You sat down on one of the seats at the back, and pretended to sleep. You were able to open one of your eyes slightly, trying to stay up to date on what was happening. You saw a masked person with a full red suit and a black mask with a white circle on it. They were scanning the other people in the van by checking something from behind their ears. You had no idea what Jun-ho was going to do, but as the suited person started to come closer to you. Knowing you didn’t have whatever the others had gotten placed behind their ears, you prepared to attack the suited man. 

 They tested one of your ears and then turned your head to test your other ear. Not being able to find the chip they were looking for. You opened your eyes and quickly attacked them. You hit the mask so that the person fell backwards, buying yourself some time. While they were trying to get up, you moved behind them. The person tried to stab you with a black knife, but you dodged it. You took a hold of their wrist and repeatedly hit it against the seats of the van, until they let go of the knife.  With that you hit their head with your knee and began to choke them. Trying to make as little noise as possible as to not alert any of their companions.

The van moved a little as the person struggled until they started to go limp. You let go of the pink suited person, and took a deep breath. Your heart beat was going crazy at this point, and your hands were shaking. Not once during your time as a detective had you had to fight like this for your life. The idea of you two being alone on this mission, and not even knowing if Jun-ho was alive scared you. 

You knew that you didn’t have a lot of time, so you began to strip the pink suit off the person. It was better to hide in plain sight, especially if they were all dressed the same. You took off the mask as well and dressed up. You had no clue what the job of this person was, other than checking the players and driving the van, but maybe you’d be able to just follow the others. After getting the suit on, you took your tag that showed who you were off, and placed it in the pocket of the person that was now wearing your clothes. 

After that you lifted up the body of the person, attempting to drag them outside the van. Not being used to doing something like this made it hard to lift up a whole body alone. While struggling you wobbled to the edge of the ship, and dropped the body in water. After this you turned around to see where you were supposed to go, you saw another pink suited person. They heard you and turned around. You froze up, not really having a plan to go off of. You felt a tap on your shoulder. “I saw what you did.” A man’s voice said. You could tell it was Jun-ho’s, since it was more muffled due to the mask. But you took the gamble. “You did the same,” You mumbled back. The other masked person made no move to harm you, confirming you’d been correct.

“Hey, you two!” You both turned to look at who was talking to you. There was a person in a pink suit, but this one had a triangle on the mask and a gun. Behind them there was another pink suited person. Only, they had a square on their mask and no gun in hand. You were too stressed out to say anything, and you assumed Jun-ho could sense this since he started to talk. “This is...They were feeling sea sick.” Jun-ho said to the triangle. They didn’t reply, but the square stepped forward, pointing their gun down. 

Their behaviour made you wonder if the symbols on their masks had something to do with their ranking system. Attempting to figure it out while Jun-ho was conversing with them. Square, then triangle, and that left the circle. And if it was the last one it meant that it was the lowest position. “Did you forget the rules?” A man’s voice said from behind the square mask. “You do not speak without your supervisor’s approval.” They continued. You were trying to make your breathing as calm as possible, so that the square wouldn’t notice anything. “Go wait in the cabin,” the square ordered. He gave you and Jun-ho a stare before walking away, taking the triangle with him. 

After they had left you put your hand on your chest to take a breather. You had no idea what you had gotten yourself into, and you couldn’t even blame Jun-ho. You had killed a random man a minute ago and after that you were pointed a gun at, and it was most likely only going to get worse from here.

“Are you doing alright?” Jun-ho’s voice asked, as he kneeled down a little, and pulled your upper body back up by your shoulder. “We have to get to these ‘cabins’, just follow me. Please?” Jun-ho kept talking to you. Giving you a moment to recollect yourself after the encounter. “I’ll recover, I just need to rest for a moment…” You exhaled while looking at your shaky hands. With that you nodded and Jun-ho started to walk up the stairs, where the other circles had gone as well.

[juniperskye]

You’re Not Alone In This.

Based on the following ask: @itzvenus04 Hotch is my comfort character, maybe it’s because he takes care of others and I like that especially when I take care of people all the time, I’m like Cinderella in my house like no joke, if I don’t do it, nobody will ever do it. Anyway, I was wondering if you could do like an Aaron x Diabetic reader fic, as I have diabetes and it’s extremely difficult and exhausting and love to maybe see that with a comfort character of mine. Like Aaron does anything and everything he can to understand the reader and the illness, like when the reader sugar is high or maybe low, taking care of doctor’s appointments, medication drop off, just putting effort in I just want to read something that could comfort me in that way because it’s exhausting being a diabetic and having no one bother to care about it or put effort in, I’m alone essentially - I really hope you like this babe! I did my best!

Aaron Hotchner x Diabetic! Fem Reader

Angst/Fluff

Word count: 1709

REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!

Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, some explicit language, reader has type 1 diabetes, mention of doctors and appointments, mention of medication/insulin management, no use of y/n, Fem reader, reader has no physical description – other than being a diabetic and having an insulin pump (worn tucked into their waistband or pocket) and an administration site located on their leg (there is mention of a site failure and relocation) as well as a sensor worn on the arm, reader is mentioned to work as well as being active in college courses (not full time), Hotch cares a lot, use of pet names, I think that’s everything – let me know if I missed any!

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

You were the type of person who couldn’t bear the thought of burdening others. As exhausting as it was, constantly doing things on your own and taking care of others, you did so without complaint because things needed to get done. It would be much easier to just do them as opposed to putting it on someone else, or worse, adding weight to their shoulders.

This growing sense of solitude grew when you began dating Aaron. It wasn’t that he made you feel alone, actually it was quite the opposite! Aaron was always reassuring you that he was by your side through it all, especially as your relationship progressed. But as things intensified, you couldn’t help but notice the sag in his shoulders, bags under his eyes, and the air of weariness he exuded. Aaron had an extremely difficult job, one that had taken far too much from him, so who were you to make his life any more difficult than it already was.

You did everything in your power to hide things from Aaron – just to keep from filling his plate with anymore worry. You would suffer in silence through the highs and lows of your mental health, the business from working full time and taking classes at the local college…and even more so, your physical health.

You had kept the fact that you had type one diabetes a secret from Aaron…not because you were embarrassed or because you didn’t trust him, it was simply because you knew he’d make it his mission to ensure that you were taken care of, ahead of everything else.

But that was the problem with dating a profiler. Aaron could see through the façade that were your replies of “things are good!” “I’m great.” “Classes are going well.” “I feel fine, just a little tired.” Aaron knew that there was something deeper, looming under the surface, something you weren’t telling him. So, two months into dating you’d had to come clean.

“Sweetheart, I know something is wrong. I just wish you’d tell me so I can help you.” He’d beg.

“Aaron everything is fine I pro-”

“Please don’t say everything is fine…honey, you were basically lethargic the other day when we facetimed, and I was so worried about you.”

“I’m diabetic Aaron. That’s what was wrong. My sugar was low. But everything is fine.” You explained.

After that, Aaron made sure to keep a closer eye on you. Not so much that you’d feel suffocated or like he was babying you, but enough that he could tell if your sugar was too high or too low. Once Aaron found out you had type one diabetes, he dove into late night research sessions on what all your condition entails, how to best manage your insulin, what an appropriate level looks like, how to calculate your carb intake so the proper amount of insulin is being administered as well as how to change your site and how to use the pump.

The change in his behavior was subtle…but noticeable. Aaron started keeping small snacks or juice with him in the case of a sugar low, he also started checking in on you more frequently. When you moved in, the changes became far more obvious, Aaron was doing so much around the house – always doing the dishes, taking the trash out with him on his way to work, doing laundry on the weekends, setting up deliveries for your groceries. It was overwhelming to have someone this attentive.

“Aaron, I can do this!” You giggled as his arms snuck around you, pulling the vacuum from your grasp.

“I know you can sweetheart, but you don’t have to. I will.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder, encouraging you to go sit.

His overprotective nature didn’t surface until he witnessed a pretty intense low.

The morning had started off normal, you’d skipped out on breakfast, which wasn’t unusual. You’d completed an assignment for school and taken your dog on a walk when you started to feel off. It had been a little bit warm outside, but with the way you were sweating, you knew that wasn’t it.

You managed to get back home, but not without feeling lightheaded. You reached down to unclip the dog’s leash, and that’s when Aaron caught it, your hands were shaking, so much so that you were struggling to open the clasp.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?”

“I uh, I feel a little…” You pressed the back of your hand to your forehead and with the other, steadied yourself on the entry table. “Can you – would you grab me some…some juice?”

“Yeah, honey why don’t you sit down.” Aaron quickly went to the kitchen and poured a glass of juice.

Aaron watched you insistently as you sipped the juice. He reached over to check your phone, to see if your numbers were starting to regulate. Taking note of the number beginning to rise, he sat next to you and rubbed soothing circles on your spine.

“Honey, did you eat breakfast this morning?” Aaron inquired.

“No, but I never eat breakfast Aar. When I do, my numbers usually end up to high and then I feel sick all day.” You huffed.

“Okay, we will figure it out. Maybe we should schedule an appointment with your doctor.” He suggested.

“It’s always been like this, it’s okay really.”

“I’ll schedule an appointment for you sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to your temple.

Aaron was far more attentive with your illness, going with you to your doctor’s appointments, asking them how to avoid highs and lows, figuring out the best way to manage your insulin. He also began to monitor your medication, making sure you never ran out and that the pharmacy was processing your refills, when they got low.

This day was not going the way you had hoped. Things had been super overwhelming, you had finals coming up for your classes and work had been particularly busy, truthfully you were exhausted. You’d been nauseas all day, your numbers elevated, despite your best efforts to lower them.

You had taken a break from studying to change the laundry when you heard Aaron get home.

“Hey baby!” Aaron pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Hi hon.” You mumbled.

Aaron knew you had been stressed out about school and work, you had put your finals dates on your shared calendar, and he figured that was taking its toll on you.

“Why don’t I make us some dinner? I can grill up some chicken?” He posed.

“Yeah, that sounds good. I can steam some broccoli to go with it.” You suggested.

“Perfect!” Aaron left you with a peck.

You’d finished up with the laundry and went to the kitchen, pulling out a water bottle from the fridge while you got started prepping the veggies.

Aaron glanced at you through the sliding door, he had noticed there were quite a few water bottles and cups scattered around the apartment, more than usual. He couldn’t help the bit of concern that crept in – you’d previously mentioned sugar highs sometimes came with unbearable thirst.

“Sweetheart, have you checked your number recently?” He asked.

“Yes, it’s been a little elevated today.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, a little nauseous but I’m fine.”

The two of you sat and ate dinner while talking about your days. You told Aaron about a new project at work and how you were more than ready for your finals to be over. He shared that he had consulted on a few cases today with some law enforcement from other states – hopefully they wouldn’t get called away this weekend.

After dinner you’d excused yourself to the restroom and Aaron cleared up the table, placing the leftovers in the fridge. He made his way to your shared bedroom and softly knocked on the bathroom door.

“Baby, is everything okay?”

“Aar, I’m fine.” You sighed.

“Would you let me in? Maybe I can help.” He offered.

“I don’t need help – Shit!” You hissed.

With that Aaron let himself in the bathroom, worried that you were hurt.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think there’s something wrong with my site.” You were fiddling with the site attached to your leg.

“Honey, why don’t we change it out, I can help.” Aaron moved to grab everything you’d need for your new site. “Is your sensor good still?”

“I think so.”

“Okay, go lay on the bed.” He commanded gently.

You went to lay on the bed, sliding your sweats off, carefully moving your pump to lay beside you on the bed. Aaron made his way over to you with the new injection set. He assisted you in removing the old one and placing the new one, taking note of the needle being bent slightly.

“Sweetheart, I think this is why you’ve been high all day. Your insulin wasn’t injecting properly.”

“Ugh. Stupid thing! Let’s just put in the new one so I can get this all sorted out.” You stressed.

You had tears in your eyes. Not from the pain of the needle entering your skin, or the sick feeling you’ve endured all day…but from the fact that you don’t get to have a normal day that’s carefree. Aaron has taken so much off your plate by being especially helpful with day-to-day things, but this feels like too much and you feel so alone in your illness.

“Alright honey, you’re all set.” Aaron began cleaning up all the trash from the new injection set.

“Thank you.”

“Hey sweetheart…” Aaron began. “I know that I will never be able to fully understand, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. I want to help you in anyway I can, whether it’s changing your site for you, doing the dishes after a long day, or even just to give you a hug.”

Your tears were falling freely at his confession. You had never felt so seen, so weightless, so supported. You let your head fall back and your shoulders finally relaxed.

 “I love you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me Aaron.” You wrapped your arms around his middle.

“I love you too sweet girl.” Aarons arms enveloped you as his lips connect with your forehead.

[extremely-judgemental]

Long Post

I was thinking about Silver Flames (because why have a good start to the year?) Anyway, there are a lot of discussions on Cassian’s and Rhysand’s behaviours, but what is going on with Azriel? He is the only one ‘kind’ to Nesta even when her sisters give up on her. He knows and understands her better than anyone, and later, he becomes her best friend. However, he also agrees with Inner Circle on her ostracism and imprisonment. It’s inaccurate to say he’s out of character since we know very little of him. We don’t have his POV to know his true intentions yet his actions are quite clear, and they are at odds with his identity.

Nesta’s imprisonment

If there is anyone to feel, at the very least, uncomfortable about confining Nesta for being an inconvenience, it should be Azriel. He spends the first eleven years of his life as a captive and is tortured by his half-brothers. He knows better what it is like to be punished without a reason, especially at the hands of one’s family, and its impact. The idea of imprisonment alone should be a tripwire for him, yet he plays a willing chaperone. Assuming Azriel can’t recognise this as abuse solely based on the circumstances, he should be alarmed to find a wounded (despite the fae healing) Nesta the following morning after she falls down the stairs. Whenever she gets a bruise outside training, it should make him question his brother because it’s what his own did to him when they were alone. Interestingly, the thought that Cassian might be the cause crosses his mind, although he is merely amused by it.

Cassian’s relationship with Morrigan

These two share a weird—if not deeply disturbing—relationship intended to hurt Azriel enough to distance him from Morrigan. And this doesn’t change even after one of them gets a mate. This should affect Azriel on so many levels. Cassian supposedly ruined his chance with the woman he loved (no one owes anyone anything here, but in this case, that should be his train of thought). Cassian is also the first among the two to get mated. 

Now, a mate is more sacred to Azriel than his brothers, and he has been yearning for one for centuries. During the solstice, Cassian and Morrigan exchange inappropriate gifts when everyone in the room is aware of the bond to some extent, except Nesta. Even if he doesn’t have proper experience with healthy romances, it must infuriate Azriel to watch Cassian disrespect the bond enough to flirt with another woman. It could have been an interesting moment for him to truly see his friends for who they are, and for his jealousy to morph into resentment towards Cassian for treating his mate essentially like a mistress. But he doesn’t show any signs of it.

Azriel is not just protecting the sanctity of the mating bond but his worthiness. When he sees anybody treat their mate poorly, it should drive him to act. It shouldn’t even be a question of whether he would choose this or his brother. It is often shown he doesn’t hesitate to go against even Rhysand, so why doesn’t he in this case? The core of his identity should trump his loyalty to his family.

Cassian’s relationship with Nesta 

The three brothers are raised in Illyria, where women are abused, mutilated, and their lives are controlled. They are supposedly superior to their kind who treat women better. And Azriel is said to be the most respectful as his mother’s suffering influenced him at a young age. Now, to see Nesta hurt under their care while her mate shows no concern should lead to him questioning Cassian’s character. 

Moreover, based on the importance of this bond in his life, Azriel will have certain expectations of how a mate is meant to be treated. For him, it doesn’t matter what kind of person the mate is since she/he is a blessing. He goes above and beyond for Morrigan and Elain for the flicker of hope that either might be his. Like Cassian, the mated relationships he witnesses are Rhysand’s parents and Rhysand with Feyre. He might have noticed stark differences in their treatments. He sees Rhysand threatening Nesta for simply not agreeing with his wishes, for things aren’t even a crime; Cassian disregarding Nesta’s wishes, mocking her, belittling her, not standing up when everyone is against her. And yet, Azriel supports every one of his choices.

For these reasons, his reaction during the Blood Rite is baffling. Azriel is the only one emotionally driven to consider Cassian’s fears and reckless enough to support him in retrieving Nesta. Instead, he consoles his brother.

If he recognised all of this, it’d explain why he cared for Nesta and how it developed into the understanding between the two. Honestly, I didn’t get the sense they were that close for Azriel to go bat-shit crazy at the bog when Nesta went missing. It felt so out of place from laughing at her bruises one day and then caring deeply for her the next. One minute he’s ready to attack Nesta for fighting with Elain, the next he is more relieved than Cassian to find her.

Azriel’s shadows

Aren’t they supposed to be sentient? Now, they are sort of an extension of Azriel, but they tend to react on their own irrespective of his feelings. We see that with their hiding around Morrigan and Elain while playing with Gwyneth. The shadows' reaction to these women is meant to be signs of the truth they can see but not Azriel—the truth he isn’t willing to accept. Why are they only expressive when his romantic prospects are concerned, but not the one thing that brought them together or invoked his ability in the first place? Shouldn’t they be disapproving of the whole imprisonment since it’s something Azriel suffered, even if he doesn’t want to equate the two, even when he’s repressing his trauma? It’s confusing and beats the point of sentience if they obey him when his entire being is constantly threatened.  

Sure, Azriel is creepy. But this is much worse—making his past and desire for a mating bond his whole personality for three books, his behaviour is completely ironic.

Everything Nesta is subjected to by the Inner Circle should be a stressor for him. It would be hard for Azriel to realise that the brothers who accepted him despite his past turned into abusers themselves. If it is one instance, it’s understandable why he would be too blind to it. But they pile over one another in a way he can’t just ignore them.

In his book, these will be addressed—his imprisonment, his relationship with his mother and half-brothers, his self-esteem, the impact of Morrigan and Cassian’s actions on him, and the mating bond tied to his worthiness. But since Azriel enabled Nesta’s poor treatment in House of Wind, this is going to seem to come from a place of entitlement and self-centredness; that these become an issue only when he faces it. 

I’ve never seen a narrative so biased against a character. The very foundation of Azriel is stripped in order to validate and justify Cassian’s (and Inner Circle’s) behaviour towards Nesta.

[hexesandroses]

Spoilers for the new WTC episodes below cut, particularly for Renato's route:

The way I screamed and cried and threw up. Aside from the obvious (the gaggery of a lifetime that is Renato's new outfit and hair), his love for Nova is so pure :( I adore the way Arina tackled his faith; so respectful and so beautiful. For a while I've felt uncomfortable thinking about religion and my relationship with it but Renato's route, genuinely, helped me find some comfort in what I've always rejected. I went into his route expecting it to be enjoyable at best, and Renato as a character - just fine. I'm happy I was proven wrong: Renato is an outstandingly wonderful character. He falls in love with Nova and is tormented by his affection for her and his devotion to the Church; instead of abandoning either he redefines his faith to fit both into his life. He knows what his actions will cost him but he risks his life for Nova, nearly dies but agrees to be cursed at the expense of the tranquility that silence brings. He goes through so much suffering, confusion, but he never stops being kind and he never abandons his faith. He finds beauty and a new purpose in his curse - something that requires so much inner strength to do - and he chooses his own path. He isn't committed to the Church nor the Alliance but to God, and he seeks to help those who cannot be heard by the dead nor living. And through it all, he loves Nova like it's in his nature to do so and I find that so, so beautiful. Arina I bow before you and Renato: I bow before you. Sit down you're gonna have the time of your life

[teeztruthers24]

You've taught me what home is - and for that, you are my home

PAIRINGS: yunho x mingi x reader (poly relationship)

WARNINGS: anxiety-related rumination mentioned, brief mentions of OC sending seemingly threatening messages to main characters and brief (not graphic at all or explained) mentions of harm and explicit messages (please stay safe <3)

Also, this is a reader insert so there are no physical characteristics mentioned of 'You' except it is implied 'you' is feminine and suffers from anxiety.

FYI: none of the characterisations in this fic of any real-life people should be considered true-telling of the real individual. This is just a work of fiction and does not represent anyone in their real-life.

SUMMARY:

Yunho, Mingi and, You are all dating - and everything is perfect. Yunho and Mingi are part of a band that does exceptionally well and you face your own challenges at work and from family, but nothing else in the world can ruin your mood when you're with your boys.

So why then, does overhearing a conversation right before the boys perform on stage, send your heart shattering and make you question your relationship status?

And more importantly, how do Yunho and Mingi fix what they don't even know they've caused?

START:

The people around you might think you’re relationship was…unusual. Might even go as far as to call the three of you strange for failing to be monogamous and having one lover instead of having both. 

But that’s what worked for the three of you and it was no one else’s business to interfere with your relationship. It was no one else’s business to know how comforting the arms of your lovers were when wrapped around your shoulders during movie night at Seonghwa and Hongjoong’s shared apartment or how protective their hold on you was on a night out after an exhilarating performance on stage. How grounding their touch was after a draining day at work and coming home to see Yunho dancing around Mingi who was cooking your favourite dinner in your homely kitchen, soft music playing from the Bluetooth speaker on the kitchen counter, and nearly every candle in your house lit emitting a pleasant lavender smell that had your shoulders dropping from exhaustion and relief you were finally home.

Because that’s what they were to you – home. When your manager at work had a bad day which meant everyone had a bad day; or whenever phone calls to your parents would generally end up with you in tears and silence on the other end; or whenever your friends had a falling out and left you in the dust feeling lost and alone – Yunho and Mingi never failed to uplift your mood and let it known to you that you are their solace. 

Being best friends with Yunho and Mingi from middle school meant you had seen them in all their phases – from when Yunho was adamant he would become a professional video gamer to when Mingi would make mixtapes in his tiny bedroom, which only you and Yunho would be privy to. And finally, when they both found themselves pursuing a passionate love for music. 

This tight-knit friendship between you and the boys allowed you to see their hearts so clearly, which they wore on their sleeves, and it wasn’t hard to fall in love with them. It wasn’t long before you realised their soft smiles and the endearing look in their eyes when you caught their gaze meant they bared their hearts out to you with just as much ferocity as you did. 

Being in a relationship with the two soft giants didn’t feel different from being best friends - with the lovely addition of soft kisses and going to sleep feeling like you were wrapped in two weighted blankets. 

They showed you what love is – who love can create. 

When Yunho and Mingi decided to create a rock band alongside two childhood friends of yours’, Hongjoong, an amazing guitarist, and Jongho, who had the best set of vocals, you were unwavering in your support and encouragement. From playing in either Hongjoong or Mingi’s garage to playing sets in bars and smaller venues across town, you joined them in their wonderful endeavours and got to enjoy their music with a side of the beautiful sights of whichever town you were in. 

After their set, Yunho and Mingi would be visibly exhausted, sweat dripping down their faces, their legs barely dragging them backstage and towards the car, but they never failed to take you out for dinner after and then collapse into bed and sleep the night away. And when you woke the next morning to a cup of coffee and breakfast served for you, you grabbed whoever was closest and kissed them with such fervour, sometimes sight-seeing was traded for spending the day in bed with your lovely boys. 

Luckily, the venue the boys were playing at gave them an hour extra to play their songs which meant you had to stock up on food and drinks for the boys and yourself and make sure the hotel room after was ready because you knew you weren’t going to be taken out in the city after a long set on stage. 

With a bag of snacks and energy drinks from the convenience store in your hand, you walked backstage towards the dressing rooms where Yunho and Mingi were. 

Reaching inside the bag, you picked out Mingi’s favourite drink and stepped towards him to hand him his drink. When you looked up smiling, you noticed a somewhat troubled look on his face, his hand gripping his phone so tightly you could see them turning white. 

“Mingi…is everything okay?” You asked, concerned. 

“Hm?” Mingi looked up from his phone and noticed you and Yunho looking at him with odd expressions. He shook his head, “Everything’s fine love. I’m just nervous about playing,” he tried comforting you, though his face paled significantly. 

You nodded and handed him his drink telling him to drink up before sitting next to him. When you reached over to hold his hand, Mingi seemed to startle and immediately stood up before announcing he needed to go to the bathroom. 

You frowned. Mingi was acting strange…almost secretive. You hated casting any form of doubt on your boyfriends, but Mingi’s behaviour was certainly odd and it was rubbing you in the wrong way…

You turned to Yunho, about to ask him what was wrong with Mingi, when he turned to you and gave you a tight-lipped smile with a pensive look on his beautiful face, before rushing out of the room, supposedly following Mingi. Feeling somewhat helpless and incredibly confused, you looked around the room and found neither Hongjoong nor Jongho in sight to converse with, and fell back onto the couch. 

After a few minutes, the door opened and you sat up expectantly, hoping Mingi and Yunho would be back in, hopefully, good spirits…but in walked Hongjoong and Jongho. 

Seeing your shoulders slump with disappointment, Hongjoong came over to you on the couch and asked if you were okay. 

“What’s troubling you? Everything okay?” He asked.

Not wanting to put stress on a man who had to conserve his energy to play a large set, you turned to Hongjoong and gave him the best convincing smile you could muster and said, “I’m great! I’m just waiting for Mingi and Yunho to come back from the bathrooms.” 

Standing at the table of snacks and drinks, Jongho, in the middle of choosing a pre-show snack packet, turned to you with a tilt of his eyebrows and confusedly told you, “But Mingi and Yunho aren’t in the bathrooms. They’re outside the venue talking. They seem quite stressed so I don’t think they’ll be in here for a bit.” 

“Oh…thanks for telling me Jongho,” you gave a small smile, though from your tightened brows and quivering chin, the boys could tell you were worried. You rushed out of the building, turning your head in all directions to try and find your boyfriends.

Moving towards the back of the venue facing the carpark, you came across Mingi sitting on the curb, back facing you, yet you could tell from his hunched figure and shoulders shaking, that something was wrong. Yunho also came into view, large hands rubbing Mingi’s back and softly speaking to him.

You angled yourself so you could hear them, but they couldn’t see or hear you. You hated eavesdropping, but something was wrong with your boyfriend - maybe both of them - and they weren’t telling you.

You pushed aside the feeling of dread starting to pool in your stomach and forced your ears to pick up on their conversation.

Mingi’s voice was shaky and breathy, almost like he had been crying for a while, “I can’t do this anymore, Yunho. I can’t keep lying to her like this…”, he broke off, tears continuing to drip down his face.

Yunho sighed, “I know it hurts Mingi…But how would we even tell her about–” His voice was drowned out by some people on the other side of the street drunkenly singing. 

“It’s so hard to lie and keep up this happy facade with her Yunho. I just wished she stopped being such a burden and left us alone…” Mingi said wistfully. “It might hurt her but we have to tell her what’s going on…”, he sniffled. 

That feeling in your stomach iced your veins. Feeling your eyes start to burn with tears and your heart stop yet race at the same time, you refused to listen anymore. Thoughts racing, you turned to head back inside the venue to grab your things and leave.

Maybe in hindsight, you should’ve heard more of their conversation, or confronted them right then and there…but the feeling of pain and hurt in your heart was something you’d never felt before. 

Speed-walking back to the dressing rooms, you opened the doors and rushed in, startling Jongho and Hongjoong who were in opposite corners of the room, preparing for the show. 

After grabbing your bag and phone, you turned to the boys, who now looked at you with puzzled expressions, and gave them your share of good luck.

“Are you not gonna stay and watch the show,” Hongjoong asked confused. You always stayed to watch your boys rock the stage. Not once had you ever failed at showing your boys your unwavering support. 

“No sorry…something came up at work and they need me to do something but I can’t work here…sorry guys,” You replied, hoping they wouldn’t ask any more questions so you could get out of there. 

When there was a brief pause after your response, you turned and left the room, not even waiting for Jongho or Hongjoong to say something. When you got to the front doors, you noticed Mingi and Yunho on the other side about to walk in, and you hid behind the pillars in the lobby, praying they wouldn’t see you. 

As if your prayers were answered, they walked right past you. Not wanting to stay back and watch them any longer, you rushed out to your car and locked the doors. 

You sat there, numb. That feeling of dread and pain and hurt had morphed into something you couldn’t even describe. Cheating… that wasn’t something you had ever considered your boys doing…and the notion of them cheating made your heart pound, filled with doubt and your mind feel like a bag of rocks was weighing it down. 

You debated calling them to tell them you were going home because you knew they would immediately leave the show to console you…and you just needed some time to think clearly. So after sending a ‘good luck for your show!’ text to your guys’ group chat, you put the car in drive and made the painful journey back home…alone. 

When you got home and noticed the darkness of such a small space, your scattered brain hurt even more and it felt like the room got even smaller than it was. Your chest was constricting with anxiety and you felt like you couldn’t breathe – and in that moment, all you wanted – no needed – was for your boys to come home and hold you. 

But they weren’t there.

That ugly feeling of anxiety started to make you wonder if either of the boys had even noticed you were gone. If they had cared. If they were texting her whoever she was, or if she was there in the crowd watching them the way you were supposed to be doing. 

A part of you hated these thoughts – hated the way you rushed to label your loving, healthy relationship with the boys as ruined and call them cheaters when you probably didn’t know the whole story. That same part of you felt toxic…and made you think the boys deserved better than whatever you had going on.

With your brain driving thoughts in two directions, you feel physically and mentally exhausted. Crawling into bed, you wished for nothing but the past hour to have been a painful nightmare. And for the first time since you moved in with the boys, you slept all alone. 

Being asleep, you didn’t realise when Yunho and Mingi had raced home after their show, their bodies physically exhausted but that paling in comparison to how heavy their hearts hurt. When they noticed you had curled around their pillows in bed and were fast asleep with dried tears tracking down your face, their eyes felt wet and Mingi felt a sob rising at the back of his throat; you had cried yourself to sleep…and something they said or did was to blame. 

They patted your head and looked at each other, giving the other a silent nod and agreeing they should give you some space in bed; taking the couch for the night. 

When you woke the next morning, your eyes felt like someone had glued them shut and your mouth felt as dry as a desert due to all the crying last night. You contemplated going back to sleep in hopes of shutting out the world around you, but the slight smell of coffee and hearing something sizzling in the kitchen made you rise out of bed. 

Your heart felt lighter and heavier at the same time – your boys were back…which meant avoiding them about last night was out of the question. Never in your years of being friends, and eventually dating, had you ever seen them raise their voices in anger…but worried thoughts of an argument started floating around your head. 

When you walked out of your room, you noticed Mingi near the coffee machine and Yunho standing in front of the stove flipping what seemed to be (burnt) pancakes. They were both dressed in the same clothes they were why you left your apartment the day before and when you looked at the couch, the blankets and pillows were ruffled. Your heart clenched… had the boys been afraid to sleep in bed next to you? Was this the start of the end? Were you going to lose not only your boyfriends but your best friends? 

Hearing the floorboards creak under you, Yunho and Mingi shot their heads up to look at you. The looks in their eyes made you soften and tears spring to your eyes – they gazed at you with such longing and pain in their eyes. 

Mingi stepped towards you and you thought he would either kiss you or tell you to get out of his way, but he mumbled, “Yunho and I are gonna wash up. Please eat your breakfast my love…I think we need to talk.” With that, he and Yunho looked at you with determination in their eyes and leaned down to give you a small kiss on either side of your cheeks before heading towards the bathroom.

After managing to move your feet towards the kitchen, you forced yourself to eat and ignore your lack of appetite; you figured it wouldn’t be best to have a conversation on an empty stomach. 

When you were done, you sat on the couch and waited for the boys. You felt a sense of deja vu from the night before waiting on the couch for your the boys (you should start learning to not refer to them as yours anymore..huh?). When they came over, they sat close together on the loveseat in front of you. 

When you looked up, you noted Mingi’s were tinged red…like what would happen if someone cried themselves to sleep and continued in the morning. Your heart ached even more. Yunho grabbed Mingi’s shaking hands and looked at you with an undecipherable expression. 

Okay, you thought, let’s make this breakup an easy conversation . 

You decided to speak first, hoping that you could start amicably, “Sorry for not staying to watch the show…How was it?” Your voice was strained, but hopeful. 

Yunho gulped. “Baby…we know something is wrong. You left way before we even started playing and didn’t tell us…please…what’s wrong?” His shoulders notably sagged down. 

Jaw clenching to not let a sob escape, you looked down at your hands intertwined with each other and tried to catch your thoughts to respond, “I heard you.” That was all you could mutter. 

Both Mingi and Yunho seemed to be confused. What did you hear? 

When you took note of their confusion and silence, you continued, “Outside in the carpark. You said you don’t love me…that it hurt to lie to me and you wanted to stop lying.” By this point, you felt the saltiness of your tears enter your mouth but kept on going. “You said you weren’t h-happy with me anymore…and you think I’m a… b-burden. So please…be quick with it and just b-break up with me.” You tried to contain your sobs but the painful reminder of yesterday hurt too much for you to keep quiet. 

Sniffling, you forced your head up to look between the boys…only to feel puzzled about their expressions. They had matching looks of almost…relief (?) on their faces. What could they be so relieved about when you sat across from them, heart-shattering into the tiniest of pieces? 

Heart pounding and head feeling heavy once more, your mind seemed to cloud over in preparation for the next four words that would leave you devastated.

“Oh baby…we weren’t talking about you…” Yunho uttered, his tone sounding so vulnerable. 

Oh.

Oh.

What??

Time seemed to stop. It was so silent in your living room that you could hear your blood rushing through your body; hear your breathing slow down and feel your mind quiet instantaneously.  

They…weren’t talking about…you…they don’t think anything bad of you…they (might) still love you…

In the quiet void, Mingi’s quiet voice speaks out, “My love, can I please give you a hug?” 

When you slowly but surely nod yes, he leaps over to you and hugs you so hard you can feel your inside being squished together. But you ignore that feeling because it feels so good to finally be held by your boyfriend. 

“Wait Mingi, we still need to explain what happened…why we said what we said,” Yunho pulled Mingi back slightly, teary-eyed, and gave you an understanding look. “Please hear us out completely first, darling,” he seemed to beg. 

After you nodded in acceptance, Yunho turned to Mingi and seemed to urge him to speak. 

Mingi sniffled and took a deep breath, before admitting, “I don’t know if you remember back in high school, there was this girl…Yuna…and she would follow us everywhere? Do you remember?,” after receiving a hum of affirmation, he continued, “After school one day, she cornered me in our classroom and told me she liked me. And I just stood there and said nothing because…because I was in love with you and Yunho – I still am of course! – but she kept saying that I had to either choose between the two of you or pick her or she would tell my parents and I-I hadn’t told my parents about us at the time and I was so worried s-she would tell them and I didn’t know what to do so I just gave her my n-number and told her to please please keep quiet and–” Mingi spluttered before sobs racked from his throat and rendered him quiet. 

You felt a gush of tears prick your eyes once more and moved to sit next to him, rubbing his back along with Yunho. You said nothing to allow Mingi to get his bearings together but frowned as you thought of Yuna. Yuna – the girl that did follow you guys everywhere in high school and rejected your advances to be friends. You had never thought you had to worry about her because you always attributed her ‘affections’ as idolising her seniors at school and once you all graduated, she left your mind as quickly as you all left your hometown. 

After a while, Mingi took another deep breath and continued, “After we graduated and moved to the city, I completely forgot about her you know? And I thought we had become adults now so I didn’t have to worry about her anymore…but one day she started texting me and when I didn’t respond she moved to DMing me and she would send me messages of her…some explicit at first…some almost threatening harm but…to herself. She would ask me for money for dresses she wanted to buy and wear on our first date and kept telling me to break up with you guys because she said she wanted me all to herself…” He broke off, not quite sure how to end his recounting. 

Yunho then took over, “Mingi told me one day what was going on when his phone kept blowing up during practice. And after he told me and I sent a text from his phone telling her to leave him alone, she started sending me messages too…telling me to break up with you before she started talking to you.” He stopped to gauge your reaction, before adding, “We tried our best to ignore her and block her but she kept finding ways to message us…we’re sorry for not telling you, darling.” 

You felt…conflicted. Here your boys were telling you about a girl that was threatening to ruin everything you had built together for her selfish gain which gave them a reason for their words, as hurtful as you had perceived them, last night…but you didn’t understand why didn’t tell you.

And because you wanted an answer to put an end to your confusion, you simply asked them, “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought- I thought when you said all that stuff yesterday…I thought you wanted to break up with me…” you choked out before dissolving into tears.

Mingi wrapped his arms around you whilst uttering soft ‘no’s’ and shaking his head. Yunho felt the stress of not knowing why his girlfriend was so upset the night before leaving him, and he gathered you and Mingi in his arms before softly rocking you all back and forth. 

With both the your boys holding you and whispering sweet nothings in your ears, your wails reduced to soft hiccups. 

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry for believing either of you would…c-cheat,” you threw the word out like a bad omen. Almost immediately, Yunho and Mingi started shaking their heads in disagreement, “No my love, you don’t have to be sorry,” and “We’re sorry for not telling you darling.” 

“We noticed how stressed you’ve been recently from work and your family dumping all their issues on you and everything you’re friends have been dragging you through…we didn’t feel right making you feel insecure in our relationship by telling you about some girl we spent no seconds thinking about. Because this, of all things in our life,” Yunho said gesturing between him and Mingi, “This relationship with you is our constant. Our solace. Our home.”

“He’s right you know? Last night she kept texting me and I realised I couldn’t keep hiding the burden that was her from you anymore,” Mingi agreed.

You kept quiet and let their words sink in. Those ugly feelings started clearing from your heart and mind – your boys never wanted to leave you. This was all just a misunderstanding…

“Trust me when I say my love, beyond you and Yunho, there is no one else I want to fill my heart,” Mingi whispered before looking deep into your eyes for any hesitation, and when finding nothing but love and adoration, pressed his lips onto yours. 

Yunho watched the two loves of his life with the utmost love and fondness and then decided he, too, wanted a kiss from you. When you and Mingi pulled away for a breath of air, Yunho swept in and held the back of your head whilst he kissed you like you were all the oxygen in the world he was trying to breathe in. 

When he pulled away from you, you giggled – and the sight of your tussled hair, soft lips glistening and sparkling eyes sent waves of warmth and love through Mingi and Yunho.

“What do you say we skip whatever we each had planned today and just stay home? I think we could all do with some loving today huh?” You offered, hoping your boys would say yes.

Before you could even finish your sentence, your boys nodded their heads so fast you worried they would fall off. 

And so, that whole day went like this: you, Mingi, and Yunho spent all day intertwined on the couch watching rom-coms, with Mingi squished between the two of you. You reached over to kiss the small mole under Mingi’s eye and Yunho kissed the spot on his cheek whilst Mingi erupted in giggles that had your and Yunho’s hearts soaring. Hands enclosed in one anothers’, the three of you fell asleep, each vowing to never stray far from one another – not now and certainly not in any other lifetime.

[zot3-flopped]

So i recently listenend to ttpd due to me always listening to all of the people that are at the grammys for this year (i just like checking out people or songs i otherwise wouldn‘t try out)

Here are my thoughts on ttpd:

In one of the songs she calls her fans vipers that called her out for dating matty. And frankly that is a big point i want to touch on. She always talked in interviews that she finds it ok to make sure people know who songs are about cause these men should feel shame. She always makes sure to be obvious so her fans can send hate towards these people. Sometimes she even makes easter eggs to hint at who it is about. Like yes the joke that ts only ever writes about exes is overdone, but she clearly always benefited from it, making this parasocial relationship even deeper. And she does this in a way that i have not seen other artists usually do. Thinking of lana, theweeknd or bruno mars- they write about their exes but you don‘t see them being this obvious and exploiting their relationship.

What i want to say is that while i am a big fan of her songs that have been personal, i don‘t take it lightly that she now suddenly dislikes fans calling her out. Either don‘t allow the fans to come close at all, or accept that you let them in and they now act like your friends who have a say in who you date. She is the victim of the own sphere she made. I don‘t feel sorry for this

I can do it with a broken heart sounds like a midnight made song and with a bit too much ego, which can lead into a place that is iffy because it feels like taylor knows she is too big to not sell well

I also don‘t take lightly that taylor had to mention kim again, which ok fine it has been years but i guess you can still be cut up about it. What i do not let slide is how she uses kim‘s child as a pawn in her play. Bringing children into your beef has always been weird, but bringing the child of your own declared „enemy“ into this to benefit from it, is not of taste. Especially because she knows her fanbase, she knows her fans will dig out said child and send hate. I mean this is like leaving a piece of sugar ourside and then acting like a victim when ants eat it. 

A lot of lyrics or idea of songs do not stick the landing. The lyrics are sometimes like a rambling. Like a person talking to their therapist or their friend. There aren‘t even proper catchy beats behind it. It is like it lacks character and the autonomy that a pop song has to make it memorable and to make it stand out. Like do i go into a ts record thinking it would be groundbreaking? No, ts always played it safe. She never gave me a more ballsy production like lana, lord or billie while also having good lyrics. But i expected at least a core to it, something to remember it by. It is sad because at her height, she can allow herself to be artistically standout ish, she can allow herself to take a step outside of this safe space, takikg an artistic risk, as i have said, because even she knows she is too big to not sell

The writing is crammed and doesn‘t have good hooks or melodies within the lyrics. And i know taylor is capable of delivering on that front usually. Folklore and everymore were lyrically well thought out, you were able to remember the lyrics and melody based only on how she sang the songs. Ttpd suffers under it‘s crammed lyrics and lack of melody even while singing the songs.

Ttpd doesn‘t have the catchy beats 1989 had, nor the buzz red had. Not even the deep cuts from lover can be compared to ttpd because ttpd feels washed out and as i said: 

just like a friend rambling to a friend about how angry she is over one guy making her wait and how he has depression and wouldn‘t commit. And how another guy love bombed her but also couldn‘t commit and she is oh soo angry about this. 

If this is all i can take away from an album with over 30 songs then there is something wrong with it

As i said i usually listen to all of grammy music for several years now, but i have always taken something from it: vocal wise, lyric wise or beat wise

This album sadly didn‘t give me anything and i would be saddened to see it awarded. If all i can take away from a music record is: she was mad as hell

Then what benefit do i get from listening to it? Nothing!!!! 

Ttpd is nothing to me

Ttpd is nothing, it is emptiness but the emptiness isn‘t impressive, isn‘t memorable

Ttpd equals nothing

Very interesting! I don't think for a minute that Poets will get an AOTY award. The reviews all criticised the lack of memorable instrumentation/melodies/production.

[stupidlittlespirit]

GF hot take/opinion under here

Something I have noticed with Hirsch RE billford is that back when GF was new and airing, Billdip (aged up) was The Big Ship.

People would always tweet him about it and whether or not it was canon, and Alex would be like 'no way, Bill tried to kill him and his family, Dipper loathes him, it's very unhealthy' etc etc, always stuff to that effect. He was very, very explicit and firm with his refusal, and rightfully so.

But with Ford, although Hirsch does say it's abusive, he never quite puts the same emphasis on the relationship when they get brought up, despite the fact that Ford's suffering is much more explicit and violent. It's super weird to me and I have noticed that sometimes, Alex seems to really dislike Ford. He doesn't have much empathy for him. I don't know why or where it comes from, but he just seems to separate him from the other characters. It's strange to me. It's almost like he enjoys him suffering.

[notcryingtoday]

Oh the girl who's cursed to fall in love with every man that comes to her island... falls in love with a man that came to her island. And it's her happy ending.

That's... an interesting idea...

vs.

Oh the guy that feels like he doesn't belong in his friends group because he's not dating anyone just dates someone and all is solved instead of realizing friendship is as important as romantic relationships and that he's deserving of love anyway.

That's... a really interesting idea.

[flowersandfashion]

sorry let me rant about downton abbey 10 years later

Thomas's conversion therapy plot pisses me off so much. firstly, it's incredibly out of character. he never wanted to change to conform to society, he wanted the world to change to accomodate him. the man who said "it's not against the law to hope is it" and "I'm not foul, Mr Carson, I'm not like you, but I'm not foul" would NEVER

secondly, from a storytelling perspective, the only 'problem' is that he used infected needles. did we forget that Thomas was a sergeant in the RAMC? he knows how to sterilise needles and how to recognise and treat infection. this also shifts the blame to Thomas himself for getting sick and implies that the conversion therapy itself is harmless (Dr Clarkson says it's just saline solution)

thirdly, it's not historically accurate. I'm not an expert but conversion therapy was not at all common in the 1920s, even Sigmund Freud was against it. hormone therapy and chemical castration were barely developing let alone available to the public (I can't imagine what else the 'treatment' was supposed to be). the only practices that I can find evidence of were psychoanalysis and electric shock therapy

Thomas also mentions that he did electric shock treatment - if you really want to make a point about homophobia in the 1920s (and make Thomas suffer as much as possible), show that instead. watching him be literally tortured for his sexuality would have been far more impactful than him just... looking sweaty for a few episodes

[waterlinkedgirl]

Musical Touken Ranbu: Michinooku ~ Hitotsu Hachisu (Michinooku ~ A Single Lotus)

Here we go! Only a few days after the archive release and toumyu's ninth anniversary (congratulations!)

Michioku, or Michihasu, is a myu I have many conflicting feelings about, both positive and negative. However, I do believe that with the right amount of care in the next Mika-related story myu, the negative can still be cleared. Plus, I'm glad about a lot of things being re-established. The writer does need to step up her game a little on the plot-writing side of things, as well as the understanding-and-respecting-past-myu side of things, but as long as she does, this can still be given a proper place within what was already established.

Keep in mind that these are only the subtitle files, timed and tled to the DMM senshuuraku and the bluray respectively. The archive version will have a talk at the start, so the starting times of the subs will have to be delayed accordingly.

You can find the subtitles and my TL notes document here!

[ninkaku]

strange behaviour from the arcane fandom when a woman that has relations with another woman goes down a darker path and people condemn her whereas if she was a man in love with another man this would be lapppped up as “toxic yaoi”. please get a grip

[ehlnofay]

One day – as far-off as a century, as near as tomorrow – it will all be a grand old story.

The stories will speak of a handful of champions, rushing headlong against time and logic to save the world; the last Blades, the last Septim, and his hanger-on Hero, carving a bloody path to the Temple doors. The stories will tell of skies like burned blood, of fire and ash and uncountable legions of monsters – hundreds, thousands, millions, the quantity rising with each telling – the city streets cracked and quaking, every civilian locked up in their homes and businesses and praying for deliverance. The stories will tell of the appearance of Dagon, red-hot and roiling, a gory perversion of the sun; they’ll tell that when all seemed lost, Martin Septim sacrificed himself in a blaze of glory, calling down the avatar of Akatosh and casting Dagon and his ilk back whence he came. They’ll tell that the golden dragon threw back its head and roared, and the sky cleared and brightened at its word; they’ll tell how it petrified in place, a magnificent pillar of stone, a sacrosanct statue. A site of pilgrimage. A shrine, to the grace and glory of the gods, and the bravery and benevolence of the last Emperor, the best of men.

It will be a good story. All splendour and triumph, a bittersweet victory right out of the epics; the pages closed, the crisis done, the world saved in as golden a resolution as could be asked for. It doesn’t get better than this, a perfect saviour, a hallowed end.

What the stories won’t tell is how, under clear skies and sunlight, the Hero of Kvatch falls at the statue’s marbled feet and howls like the world is still ending.

“You fucking coward,” Pax is screaming, as best as she can. Her mouth tastes like smoke. Her voice is hoarse. “Stupid worm, fucking – selfish bastard – what’s wrong with you?”

His head is swimming, a bit; he shouldn’t have tried to stand, but he – but – he’s dragged himself up to the dais, just about, and managed to sprawl himself over the edge, a snail’s trail of blood smeared along the floor behind him. The copper tang of it is strong in his nostrils. The statue stands, proud and silent, one marble claw dug into the cracked stone of the rostrum. His whole body is beginning to ache – just because of a stupid stab wound in his side, he’d swear he’s had worse, it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad. His throat burns. He isn’t crying. He isn’t.

The sky is so fucking blue.

“What’s wrong with you?” he demands, again, and brings the heel of his hand thudding against the clawed foot hard enough that he feels the impact down his arm, through his blurry head. “Why would you – piece of shit – sorry spit-gill – I thought –”

None of their thoughts will go through to the end. “I thought,” Pax says again, and she’s not crying, and it hurts so much it’s looped back around to not hurting, and it’s all getting fuzzy at the edges, all the world narrowed down to this and this and this and all fucking hell she’d rather be anywhere, anything else. The statue is cold. Her throat is scraped raw. “Come back,” she’s begging without quite meaning to, “come back,” and she drives her palm into the stone again, and the pain sets her reeling.

And all hell, the sky is so blue; the statue enormous; and here they are, at its feet, vision blurring, staring up at its cold marble face. It’s so fucking tall, so proud, face tipped up towards the new-appeared sun, away from them.

“How could you?” Pax says, and then they can’t even see it anymore, blood unspooling from them like skeins of madder-dyed thread. Red has never been their favourite colour. The shape of the dragon, glowing like the sun, is fixed forever on the backs of their eyelids; gold, they think, is worse. The world is detached and floating about them. They taste smoke and then bile. Stone digs fierce into their spine.

It burned like the sun, the dragon; like all the divine light of Aetherius come to earth just to sear the moisture from her eyes. Where it clawed Mehrunes Dagon, his blood boiled; when it screamed, the world moulded itself to its call. Pax hadn’t known what was happening, while it happened; sure as shit doesn’t know now. What they do know is that he’s gone. What they do know is that the dragon didn’t look at them once. They don’t taste ash on their breath, now; just fear, stagnant, sour, blood jangling bitter in their veins and seeping out to soak their gambeson.

It doesn’t hurt, anymore, there’s just this spreading, vague numbness. It doesn’t feel like their body. It’s just a thing they’re putting on. Their ears are still ringing from the crashing-in of the Temple, but there’s a faint buzzing of noise outside. They might be dying. They can’t be assed to get up.

Skeeving asshole. They’re getting blood on the dragon’s immaculate feet. The hollow sounds of voices feels distant. Could well be worse.

Then, “… a healer, here!” they hear, much closer than anything else had been before, paired with the faraway thudding of the door, and “Pax. Pax! It’s – where’s –” and there’s hands on him, a cautious manipulation of his neck, a shifting of his legs. Pressure on his sternum, and then his stomach, and a pained grunt slips out of his mouth, bound up with a slurred curse.

“Stay calm,” says an unfamiliar voice, soft and steady. “I’m just accessing the wound.”

“Go away,” Pax says, or tries to say, but his voice is whispering-hoarse and the dragon looms in the dark even still. He could open his eyes, but what would be the point?

The hands stay on him even when he bucks, holding him steady; they whisper over the stab in her gut, pulling at the drying blood, mumbling words that she can’t be fucking bothered to listen to, one voice known to her already, one voice not; pressure again on the injury, and they try, half-heartedly, to breathe out a swear – and then light, copper-bright, behind their eyelids, and burning heat, and pain pain pain eclipsing all else as something inside them wrenches back into working order, and then their eyes are open and the sky is blue and they are very fucking aware, thank you.

Pax sits up, fast enough to send the world dizzily whirling, and shoves the mage-medic away from them.

“Piss off,” he says – and it’s still hoarse, smoke-throated and scraped raw, but there’s more bite to it this time, more sound. The strange hands fall away from his side, and he looks down. His gambeson is hanging open, cords untied, the emblem of the wolf split clean down the middle. His undershirt is rucked up around his chest, too, so much of his skin is bared to the clear, bright air; all to get to the wound tucked just under their ribs. It’s an underwhelming thing – smaller than they would’ve thought, a thin short slash like a very red mouth has opened itself up in their gut. It’s stopped dribbling quite so much blood, gone scabby with rough healing, though the stuff is still smeared all over their skin, damn near enough to bathe in. It’s barely anything, really. They’re barely even hurt.

“I’m not done,” says the mage-medic, all stern. The wound itches, the taste of hasty magic gone sour in the back of their throat with all the rest of it. “I might have to find my suturing needle. It isn’t too bad, but it can’t be healed all at once.”

“Piss off,” Pax repeats – and all fucking hell it hurts, and he’s sitting up against the statue, legs lolling. He’s dizzy. He ignores it.

Ocato – his fine clothes sooty, face tight as a wound-up spring – says, “Calm down, please – he’s a skilled healer, he knows what he’s doing.” His eyes keep skipping around the room like he’s searching for another enemy lurking hidden in the shadows. “What happened? Where’s the Emperor?”

Ah – not an enemy, then.

Pax tastes bile.

“Not very quick on the uptake, are you?” she says, elbow braced against the statue’s massive marble claws (she hates touching it, she hates it, she hates it, she wants to set it crumbling apart, she doesn’t want to let anyone else touch it ever again). She can’t stop leaning because then she might topple back down again. Fuck, she needs to keep her head on straight – or lose it altogether, whichever happens faster. Her fingers feel cold. “How’re you going to run an Empire when you’re this fucking clueless?”

Ocato looks them in the face; his brow, high and slanted in that way elves have, furrows. “You’re hurt,” he says, in a tone like he expects Pax to argue with him. “Martin Septim–”

“Can’t you see him?” Pax demands, tone torn in half and uglier than they’ve ever heard it before, and they slam the back of their hand against the stone for echoing emphasis. (They want to shatter all the bones in their knuckles, break every piece in their hand one by one, like wishbones. They want it bloody and bruising. They want to scratch its polished-smooth surface until their fingernails tear. They want – they want – they want –)

Ocato, the Empire’s de facto leader, says, “Ah.”

In his plummy robes, all fruit-rich and stained with ash, he looks very stark against the Temple’s cracked marble floors.

“The Avatar,” he says. “If – the Amulet – joined blood of kings and gods –”

“Ocato,” says Pax, leaning heavy against the statue’s hateful foot, “shut up.” Their voice is bowstring-taut; he looks at them, his eyes too golden to meet. His mouth twists. They tip their head back against the stone, glaring up at the chips of blue sky shown in the crater where the roof once was, and try hard to ignore the tugging ache hooked behind their ribs.

It really fucking hurts. Worse than it did before, maybe, like some gauzy veil has been ripped from it. A veil has been ripped from the world. All the colours are too-bright, hideous. Pax breathes, because there’s no alternative, and waits for the pain to ebb.

(It doesn’t, really.)

“The Gates are sealed,” Ocato says, slowly, and he’s looking at her again, she can see out of the edge of her eye. “We will speak later. I’ll have you put up in the Palace until you’re healed. Ah – Quintus, does –”

“As long as she doesn’t go back into shock,” says the mage-medic, busily flipping through some kind of supply bag at his belt, “her odds are good. Lost blood, but I don’t think anything important was too damaged – get a proper examination, all I did was give her a second wind. Stitches, rest, fluids should do it, with luck.”

“Can she stand?”

“Can or should are –”

“Shut the fuck up,” Pax snaps, “I’m right here.” Her back pressed against the cold marble of the statue, her plait half-loose and knotted, filled with ash. The sky is so fucking blue. It hurts like hell – if the healer took her out of shock, then shit, she wishes he’d put her back in. She can see in too much detail. She can feel the skin, damp and ragged and angry. She presses the heel of her hand to the injury; her palm is crusted with dust, tacky with the same half-dried blood streaked over the floors.

Ocato, in the edges of her vision, shifts, all a blur of rich clothes and sympathetic eyes and solemn voice turned soft like he’s talking to an easily spooked horse. “I know.”

The mage-medic clucks his tongue. “Let me take another look first,” he says, and takes a step forward –

Pax kicks out at him before he even gets close. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Pax,” says Ocato – and why, why the fuck is the Empire’s de facto leader here, now, babying them like a whimpering little puppy instead of anywhere fucking else, why is he bothering to talk to them all patronising soft, why does he care? They’ve barely fucking met – talked twice, if you can call either of those times talking. Is it because they’re the Hero of Kvatch? Is this what they’ve earned – a bit of leeway as they throw a tantrum, bleeding out at the marble feet of that stupid bloody statue? Ocato looks so fucking tired; Pax wants to hit him in the nose. “You need care.”

“I need –” and Pax chokes it off in a puff of air. The statue looms behind them. There’s blood on the floors. (Traitor liar coward come back come back I hate you come down I’ll knock your fucking teeth in stupid selfish fraud come BACK. LOOK AT ME.)

Pax closes his eyes.

“My gratitude,” Ocato says, “ – our gratitude for what you’ve done cannot be overstated. The Crisis if over. The gates are sealed. Mehrunes Dagon and his ilk can never threaten Tamriel again.”

The knobs of Pax’s braid are pressing uncomfortably against their scalp. They can hear footsteps, coming closer. They don’t respond.

“It’s a great shame we had to pay such a price,” Ocato says, and Pax would fucking love to know who’s we here, “but it’s done. Dagon is defeated. We’ve won.” He’s much too close, now; his voice pitches softer. “Martin – is dead. But he died an Emperor – and a hero to rival Tiber Septim.”

Pax shoves him.

It’s a good fucking shove – knocks him right to the ground, his elbow hitting the marble with a painfully audible crack, Pax standing over him, shirt rucked up, their handprint on his shoulder marked in blood. “You useless, prattling jackass!” they spit, hoarse, and deal a swift, savage kick to his side. “How dare you act like this is a victory! It should have been me!”

Then their head swims, and they’re sitting again on the edge of the dais, palm pressed to their side, the sweaty cloth of their gambeson pushed half off their shoulder and its cord biting into their hand. The mage-medic is kneeling over Ocato, who still lies, stunned; Pax can’t see his eyes, now, but they remember them, brassy with shocked fear. Their bow is off by the wall where they left it. Pax’s palms are sticky with blood. The sky is so fucking blue. No matter how hard she rages the dragon won’t look down at them.

By the time the mage-medic has helped Ocato up, they’re gone. The Kvatch guard gambeson remains, smoke-smelling and crusted with blood, left like an offering at the statue’s feet. The Hero of Kvatch is never seen again.

[spoondoodles]

I blacked out and more Logince HS AU appeared on my canvas idk what happened (also ty @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat for some inspiration sorry it took so long to make a post about Them <3)

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Asunder

slow-paced high fantasy

a woman who has a contract with an eldritch entity allowing her to see the dead & survives by taking various jobs

when a job searching for stranded smugglers in a cave goes wrong, she ends up with the soul of a dying stranger bound to her shadow

along with a scholar and her old childhood friend, they travel to his home country to find a way to unbind him and save them both

dark fantasy world with gods, demonic entities, arcane magic, and semi-sentient beasts used as transport