#but thee scene has been building in my head.

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S2 Ep8 Musings - Loustat (SPOILERS) Pt2: Reunion

You don't know the HALF of what Lestat feels for Louis, to let YOUR grimy arse steal his man, just for LOUIS's happiness. ANYTHING for Louis.

Am I the only one who felt left hanging? We BEEN knew it didn't make sense, but what's your POINT, exactly? If Louis misremembered Lestat whispering, it's just par for the course about the odyssey of recollection. But if Lestat DID do telepathy, is that evidence of...what? That the vampire bond works differently than what's been explained? That he COULD read Lou's mind? AMC, this is AGGRAVATING.

Your goose is COOKED, my guy.

The copium & denial pack Louis was smoking as he laughed was 🤌

That's right, start sweating!

Master manipulation; cuz he certainly would NOT have, as we soon find out. ANYTHING for Louis. (Dang, Imma have to take back some of what I said about Lestat's character development not having started yet.)

I was shocked. I was NOT expecting this plot twist. I was ready to throw Lestat out with the rest of the TRASH, in the DUMP. Well dang. Guess I'll only leave him rotting in a TINY landfill.

I nearly SCREAMED--@nashvillethotchicken and I were talking about Loustat as Bobby and Whitney ages ago! I cannot BELIEVE AMC threw in a New Edition reference in the year of our lord 2024; y'all are diabolical AF, Rolin, STOP IT.

I wonder if AMC used Hurricane Odette cuz the OG script was set in pandemic!2020, so it would make sense that a year later Louis would head back to NOLA during 2021 when Hurricane Odette last hit.

That looks like NOLA's Pontchartrain Hotel--lemme find out he bumped into the Mayfairs when Rowan & them were in town, LOL.

Lestat got more aliases than the KGB; meanwhile Louis just sprinkles his long AF unique AF name all over the place. 🤦 But I guess it's ok, since the tour guide never mentioned him & Claudia by name. (Not Tom Anderson in another finale, LOL.) Louis so offended the tour guide said he ran a voodoo cult. XD

Fall of the House of Lioncourt-Melmouth.

You're gosh darned right! THEE Louis of Troy is in the building!

You love to see it. "A wearisome fledgling; all the millennials are--" not Lestat making PALE PROXIES of rat-catcher extraordinare LDPDL out of millennials. 😭

Lestat, if you don't get your crazy arse outta here with that bloodstained wooden keyboard Imma ROTFLMFAO.

NO JOKE, I effed up my friend's whole set when I started screaming "Siri, Pause," cuz my friend's Siri started freaking out and effed up the volume! XD

HERE WE EFFING GOOOOOOOO

(Best scene all season, fight me on this)

You know this was TEARING Lestat up, cuz of what happened in 1973--I gave Louis to you so you could do BETTER by him than EYE did, and instead it's NICKI ALL OVER AGAIN.

Imma smack him--this is NOT the time to be self-loathing, Lestat!

NOLA is my home--and the SAINT is not a city--I'm gonna cry.

He did. He just forgot, when reality settled in and the allure/nostalgia/glamour wore off. "I tried to make nights awful for you." Not the whole time, Louis. Y'all actually were happy b4--even Claudia said "the easy times" stopped after Florence died; and esp. after Charlie died. Lou can't be blamed for grieving his mom's death, and he definitely can't be blamed for Lestat & Claudia falling out after Charlie. Everything that happened after that--the 7 years of depression--was ALSO Lestat's fault. "I wanted you to suffer, cuz I was suffering;" I'm glad Les just waved that aside and said they BOTH wronged e/o.

He's not suicidal anymore then! He has nights in front of him to look forward to! So Lou can finally "learn to live honestly" with HIMSELF.

And Lestat dove RIGHT ON IN with that! He's been carrying that with him for DECADES, worried about Louis & what happened.

I LOVE that Les' language changes (the way his voice CRACKS and goes so TINY, oml)--he asked Lou in 1973 if he was "ill," and if something had happened TO him; so as to not spook/trigger or blame him--but he can ask more candidly now in a (relatively) "healthier" 2024 if Lou tried to hurt/kill himself; and get a more candid/honest answer. CLOSURE, y'all, I'm gonna cry.

GOOOOOOD. Don't EVER forget your daughter. Y'all need to have a Claudia Memorial; to KEEP remembering her, as she was in all her vampiric splendour, the good times AND the bad times.

I KNOW this hurt Louis to his effing core. The way Jacob cried FIRE!

I'm so glad Lou hugged him--YES YOU WERE, Uncle Les. And you KNOW it; you FELT that bond b/t y'all, even if she never looked at you. The distance b/t y'all was in name only, cuz a little Black girl couldn't have TWO daddies in 1917 and have one of them be white on top of it. I AM YOUR MAKER, sure, but you were her BLOOD FATHER, and she loved you, which is why she hoped you'd help her.

ANOTHER ROUND IN THE STORMY ROMANCE OF YOU TWO. 😭👏

What are these magical off-mic speeches/pep-talks Louis keeps giving people in Season 2?!? THE PEOPLE WANNA KNOW, gosh darnit!

DRATS.

I get why Jam said they thought the Loustat ending was "satisfying." It was nice, even though I'd've preferred to see Lestat in the Dubai penthouse at the end. :\

I LOVE THIS, AMC, thank you! ❤️

[burirammin]

Laguna Seca 2013 corkscrew overtake : Moments on track and comm quotes that made me raised my eyebrows and go 'oh, so was it building up all this time? or was it really not intentional as he said after all?' + some Marc praising as per usual

This is whole post is just me trying to gather evidence for the sole purpose of psychoanalyzing Marc and failing spectacularly. I'm not here to answer the age old question of 'was this overtake a predetermine maneuver?' I'm just here to present the evidence™ because honestly who knows what that man, liar extraordinaire. one of thee MotoGP unreliable narrators along side the man himself (affectionate), was thinking. And well, nothing was ever that simple anyway. Regardless, picking apart things are fun! so feels free to put your thought here cause my head is just... a void, no coherent thoughts resides here. Enjoy?

Sachsenring post-race press conference

Marc said that he had studied video of the track before arriving and will take a scooter on Thursday, which he did (video courtesy of our residential MotoGP grand scholar batsplat). He also said that he will struggle a little bit as he has never ridden there while both Cal and Vale fully expected him to be competitive.

FP1 : Going on a scooter ride at the corkscrew (will be refer as T8 from now on) with Santi on Thursday (replay)

I've already mention it here on this post, wondering if Marc, know fan of the legend that is Valentino Rossi, was thinking about Vale's overtake on Casey from back in 2008 while riding right along the crime scene.

FP2 : Marc takes a line cutting into the kerb at T8

"He's using the whole track, definitely including the kerbs there. Marquez, he is the fastest in this session with a 1.22.254. And you know, Cal Crutchlow said this could be sort of track that suits him. Physical. You have to be aggressive around there"

"I love your descriptions. You said, he throws it down the corkscrew. That's so right! just threw it in didn't he? that's the way he rides"

FP3 : More instance of cutting the T8 kerb + topping the session with a fun remark from Cal Crutchlow

"Marc Marquez then, tops once more and improving once more. Cal Crutchlow said that if he was top then.. clearly meant that he had been out on a road bike here"

"He lied to all of us"

"He's a liar Tommy, yeah *laughing* right. Ah, it's another extraordinary morning for Marquez"

FP4 : Even more instance of, of course, cutting that damn kerb

"Yeah Marquez, first look at the track was on Thursday on a scooter. So he really has done an amazing job"

"Now we was asked yesterday by Italian press about that line. He goes 'if I do go on a kerb, on the inside, it's generally a bit of mistake' However he said 'I've actually set some fast lap time on that' So it might be a line through to just run it across the inside of the kerb. And remember, Stoner found that didn't he? and Rossi said he's reminded of Stoner riding the circuit when Marc was out there and that should be a worry for the rest cause uh, Stoner won here on 3 occasions"

"Once on a Ducati and twice on a Honda didn't he?"

Q2 : Marc has a run off, completely cutting off and back into the track at T8

"Moment in the corkscrew" "First little warning for him perhaps Ben?"(It was Ben Spies by the way. He was not racing at the moment due to injuries)

"Yeah, well they said, what? First. 'man that might have been a twenty points you know. You better do it again'"

"There we go. That was the Valentino Rossi memorial line, through the corkscrew"

"Well he's allowed there it's his first time here"

"Well. We'll give him that one he's been so impressive this weekend in this track. Can't underestimate the performance he's put in his first time at this circuit. It's just that... completely unique prospect for MotoGP"

WUP : Interesting commentary on taking a different line

"Talking about passing opportunities. Marc Marquez yesterday, was saying that what he did in Sachsenring was he practices a couple of places to overtake people during practice. He actually work on going on lines that weren't the normal line, working out where he can make passes cause he's not have race experience here. He's trying to work out the opportunity to get through. It's not an easy track to overtake on but there are places where you can get through and Marquez said he'd done that here as well. But he won't tell us where, he won't tell us what he's done, or what he's got up his sleeves"

"Can you blame him?"

"No. Not at all"

We all know what happened next in the race.

THE rosquez honeymoon happened, that is. I know this is not to discuss on that but god. All the interactions (dare I say sexual tension) during the weekend was insane, 'Marc is me, but with the upgrading' the choking in the parc ferme etc. etc. Their relationship was and is insane. Not to mention the correlation between the 2008 Laguna Seca overtake to this one to the one in 2015 Assen. Oh, we can talk about that all day long baby. It will never ends.

Okay well, I lied about having no coherent thought about this. I have one single, very non-controversial thought. The overtake itself, to me, was not intentional as Marc was ran wide (2013 Laguna Seca MotoGP Post-Race Round Up: Of Marquez' Achievements, The Legality Of The Pass, And The Lone Yamaha by David Emmett for a race recap with some pretty spicy discussions going down under the article). But did the thought of overtaking there at the corkscrew ever crossed his mind? My opinion is that it did, in a way, but not like how it actually happened and that's why he said what he said about it all.

Hmmm. Yeah. That’s about it.

Every time I think too much about Vale and Marc interactions my monkey brain immediately go too close to rpf territory and my brain just DON'T do rpf properly so this is where I stop (and why I never writen anything really. just not one of my strong suits)

[eirianerisdar]

What was your favorite scene to write in Half Alive?

It's got to be a toss-up between Neytiri's grief reaction in chapter 4, and the Trial of Adoption in chapter 5.

My twin (who is also my beta) and I had discussed in the build up of Spider's illness as to what trigger would make him finally give up hope that thee Sully family might accept him as theirs. We discussed many options as far back as during the writing of chapter 2, when the main focus was still Spider and his hunger; we discussed anything from Tonowari being the one to actually find Spider coughing up blood to Spider's inital ptsd flashback on seeing Neytiri be during the night after Neteyam's funeral, if he woke up in the middle of the night and she was staring at him.

I brought up the idea for the final version somewhere in the middle of writing chapter 3. Neytiri feels emotions deeply; they latch deeply to her and do not easily release her. My twin and I both thought that the atypical grief reaction would be something that occurred naturally for her - not something that was anyone's fault, but simply that Spider and Neytiri are in the unfortunate position of being each other's triggers for trauma-related memories. Neytiri looks at Spider and sees the demon that took so much of her family and her home from her; Spider looks at her and sees the bloodthirsty warrior who cut through men like leaves and cut Spider's chest in defense of her daughter. It was the culmination of their fear of each other that made their determination later in the fic to decide to become mother and son so much more poignant. Love isn't about deserving or simply feeling. Love is a conscious choice. I loved writing this section because it allowed the contrast of the first and second halves of the fic to better reflect that choice.

As for the Trial of Adoption, I'd always planned for Tonowari to confront Jake about Spider sooner or later in the fic. My twin and I both agreed that in a culture that loves their children and has ceremonies dedicated to them and Eywa, there would be a set trial for suspected unfit parents.

My favourite thing about writing this section is that I've always loved the trope of sworn brothers whose paths deviate because of sworn duty. Tonowari functions as somewhat of an older brother to Jake in many ways; they both have experience as Olo'eyktan, and both have similarly aged children. But Tonowari knew as he waited for Jake up on that cliff that if Jake failed the trial, Jake would have a choice. He could agree to give up Spider, and Tonowari would claim him as was his duty and right; but if Jake failed the trial and refused to give up Spider, Tonowari would have to do his level best to kill him.

The most beautiful thing about writing that whole section is that Tonowari makes every choice out of love. Love for his brother, love for this child of the Sky People he has known for mere days. He gives Jake the benefit of the doubt. He asks questions carefully before he even proceeds to the Trial of Adoption. And even when he knows beyond a doubt Spider had been neglected and the trial was unavoidable he still treats Jake as an equal, with compassion, no matter Tonowari's own fury. He would have killed Jake out of love, too, if duty had demanded it. He knew this. Jake knew this.

I love writing conversations that start off lighthearted and grow and grow in unease or fury until suddenly the reader has the horrified realisation that this where the scene was headed all along. It's like standing on a train and hearing the sound of the wheels on the tracks sound increasingly off until you realise the train will derail in seconds and there is nothing you can do except hold on.

I've done a similar scene before in a Star Wars oneshot called With Questions Like These, where Obi-Wan's slow deterioration from veiled control to shattered glass mirrors the slow building of Tonowari's fury in the scene above.

[beantothemax]

INCOMING INBOX FIC!!! Also SMT IVA spoilers. But you can look, i'm not your mom. Its super Vauge.

---------------------------

Curtains draw upon a bleak square. Crossroads framed by towering buildings line the area. A large rock is in the foreground, illuminated by the waxing moon above. It is quiet on set.

A man enters stage left. He is young, but he has an air about him. Restless shadows gather and curl around his silhouette. He carries the visage of a previous Emperor, one who fought death with his bare hands. Eying the ground, he approaches center stage at a slow pace.

The young man looks up at the grave and sighs. A small movement of his hand, and Shadows within the rock pour out in a dancing smoke; coalescing into a beautiful grand piano. He sits down at the ornate stool that appeared alongside it, places calloused fingers above the keys, and begins to play.

The piano echoes around the deserted crosswalk. Staying solo for a few measures, it lets a quiet melancholy seep into the air. A horn joins in, playing a few notes to highlight the ivory keys. Strings fade in, letting their presence be known before the pianist whistles and dominates the melody. Piano ends the suite, ending on a bittersweet note while the whistle peeters out. The young man takes a shaky breath, and sings a single word. Letting it echo among the broken buildings and shining moon.

Alone…

Humming joins him in the song, they match his voice, despite his solitude.

…At the edge of the universe humming a tune. With sparkling crystal souls aglow…

The pianist joins the others, turning the hums into a choir highlighted by four weak notes. He begins again, letting the choir hum behind him.

A part of thee, In the key of what we know to be every part without me… Knows only two can make it right.

The choir moves on without him, letting the man look forlornly at a spot to his left. The voices are silent. He is alone again.

You’ll live forever tonight.

He leans into the keys, letting the first notes echo with catharsis onto the streets with a continuation of the melody from earlier. A glockenspiel joins, letting its notes ripple across the melody. The piano vanishes, letting its partner finish the dance on an unsatisfying note.

The pianist stands. Letting his constructs dissolve into mist. He looks down at a rusty spot on the ground and grits his teeth. His breath hitches before drops of darkness stream down his face. Barely audible if not for the pervasive silence, a simple phrase cuts through.

“I’m sorry.”

An apology for stone. For a grave that cannot hear. He wipes his tears and moves on, walking past the stone.

A cascade of bells gently roll across the scene, heralding a newcomer. The man notices her, turning and watching her chase a wheel for a few moments before looking at her guardian.

He is an unassuming man, dressed in a clean red suit and gray shoes. The man in red sits in a wheelchair and smiles at the man in black.

“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Kuzé?”

He scowls at him, “What do you want, Stephen?”

“She mourns with you, you know.”

“I… Of course she does. To follow him from the beginning-“ His eyes widen. “She was there. Wasn’t she?”

“Yes. I think she enjoyed your song.”

A smile eases onto his face. “I’m glad she did. It’s not exactly the happiest, but I feel like I needed something to offer.” Kuzé looks back up at the stone, and huffs a laugh, devoid of joy. “Heh, it’s funny.”

“Mm?”

“It all started with that damned Spiral.”

Kuzé shakes his head,“He used to say something about me whenever I used to talk about that Archivist. A ‘Sentiment-tainted thing.’” He scoffs, “It’s been stuck in my mind recently, should I really have gotten myself involved in this? Or should I just… step back a little?”

“I don’t think that’s possible at this point. Both Dagda and Lucifer watch you closely.”

“Of course they do. I’ve made quite the impression on them.”

“So why bother stopping? You’ve shown that you care for the boy.”

“I didn’t say I would be stopping outright. Just… not involving myself any more than I have to.” Kuzé sighs. “But that kid reminds me of someone. And I can’t let that go.”

“You see yourself in him?”

“No, I…” Kuze looks at the pale spotlight, and back at the city. “Shit, I need to get back to Kinshicho. He’s a heavy sleeper, but I don’t think the others would let him sleep in.”

“Goodbye Kuzé.” Stephen says.

“Seeya. Maybe we can talk again sometime."

He waves, and with a blink, Kuzé is gone. Leaving Stephen alone with the grave. The gentle smile he holds doesn’t waver. Soft bells chime, the girl from before runs back to him from stage right.

Curtains close on this scene, but the next act comes soon later. A revelation will come, once tenuous binds will snap, and barriers will be broken.

STEPHEN JUMPSCARE???????? EEK???????? WHO LET THE OLD MAN IN HERE

that aside oo……… very good music for the kuro scene which was just,,, REALLY good. there are Themes and Motifs going on here huh. I fear I may not survive them

also, curious: who’s the ‘she’ that stephen mentions?

BUT THAT ASIDE YET ANOTHER BANGER VIN

[libidomechanica]

Though thy sweete soft fires

But how to me: when first, and the     coxcomb’s ruin. Both may average on the low. Despite of     myself in sign posts in never want to snap, doctors’ Commons:     but love swell the known; a secret influence’ is a     brilliant masque sword, a battle,

wreck in toils or studied Spanish     to repeat. Sweet are genuine, I thinke of my Firmán,     he quickly find one half was her bosom of things one!     Me, love you three whole days I speak of the loved the squires     marvell’d woe, this day is

here and back regarded not at     all be either a sky’s or tradesman’s is a flow in     the Eske river when thoughts, which the foeman out. Honey, and     there, God knows I came love at grievances for the king purpled,     spirit rest upon

the river’s ripple’s flowing with     a stately builds a tree, under on the liberty? It     was Love’s deep, wide-eyed fly to the topics most friendship, the     forever. Which therefore to woman earth was far above—     devoid of the knocked her

friend, while he vomits he calling.     Do you of her eyes more intertwisted one. Has not suspense;     the flower is strife; you had been female corporation.     Blood in man’s heart was no one half-awake, sleep. And bade     myself my bruises and

seen nor windows do display the     Greek Eve, Helen, from thee? Her veil reach’d the iudge applied to     thaw the sad bosom of a million miles. The light a     cigarette. Of paying debts, which we met! And also seen     Love’s sole through the lip of

honourable man, my pains in     truth, at first sight, He plungeth and with intent sane and were     neglected once as a Jehovah’s Witness that, in all     his quiuer spend shifts but base: base in her, and for his tresses,     that maids are a harem,

for she men. Who on Love’s blood run     upward, touch your money; and they ran: there is needed not     till smother hand answers with a boy so far out of th’     Hesperus no soonest spied her decease, by stars, though     he tore himself would looks

yielded, the sails to referring     to generate a personified less bought; her vows answered     courtly Chesterfield, with shame, in this our past the story.     Heaved up the green. Had spread. Or lack of many of tender,     delicate your soul

began to sound, save their face, for     men of brass, to seek, but vicious, harebrained, about the scene,     and believe me, love, my Silvia, do I mean to blamed     as if he could be better sent, thunder waters with old     way of facts, of which being

bottle which with still, no long     chair to fill the real, as their weather this orphane place, stella     look at what’s absent frae my Dearie; and Ioy, whistle-ball,     no bar, onward, Bert—and t will be both earthly fumes, an     annoy’d. Some ease; and

saltines, to be removed, the rest     of all the real witch hazel wither; and lively her bed     and something to his head was bent, a laureate’s ode, or     when a’ our fair whose desire to the children, talent,     elegant, luscious riddles

of the young gentle ruth, and     what was all. At night; but to know even that seem something,     torturing, put her hands, so silv’ry is the footman, who’s     that sicke too, such as one that Sickenesse Beauties, they liv’d     or lasted. His head, and

work and so he the one who saw     her far, that now she world upon things? Sing where in the king’s:     ’ next, that she turns the bed. I write! A watch, would form another.     A kiss your beauties, nor set Desire! As I hate     to have brought, I know, and

he that which makes throws herself to     chance Rumpelstiltskin? Knew the purest gold; a belt of strange     fortune straw, t was rather gown; she bang’d by elements     they freeze, I freeze, and gladly be said! This kiss your beauties     brought to grant hills, all back.

[f4llingsidways]

alright.

i hate posting my writing. cause im like not confident in the least about it. But.

i cant quite get this scene in my head out in doodles. quite like I could if i wrote it down.

this is a bit long.and I dont know how to do page breaks.

pearl pov.have at it.

------------>

The canyon was quiet, but for the creaking of the long forgotten injectors that still clung to the walls like huge hulking spiders.

 Everytime the wind blew through the deep trench, the machines swayed and groaned, but otherwise it was silent and still as it had been for thousands of years.

There was a reason humans had avoided this place.

There were reasons they usually avoided it. The place was haunting, the land around it dark and lifeless, far away from any human activity.

Pearl really would rather be any where else.

Like back in her room. She had been staying there more and more, but surely she hadn't been in for anymore than a month or two. Besides, what was there to see out here besides humans and whatever misshapen amalgams remained of the crystal gems?

Glancing around she spotted the small hole that Amethyst had been created in. It was so small, just like the purple gem herself. Rose had been so excited when they had stumbled across the young gem. It had been an experience teaching the rather feral gem. But pearl had enjoyed it at the time, enjoying the look on her Rose's face when amethyst took to the training like a lapis in water. She frowned, thinking of how distant they'd become since-

Unimportant.

She was here because Garnet had all but forced her out of her room, telling her about some activity she saw in the kindergarten.

Though, if Pearl were honest, Garnets visions had become less and less accurate. 

Often she would find the fusion locked in place, staring and overwhelmed by whatever future she was trying to decipher. Or so she assumed, it wasn't like they spoke much nowadays. The odd greeting when they happened across each other in the temple, or a glance during the brief meetings that she insisted on. Garnet was trying, but, really. 

What was the point if rose wasn't there?

Pearl began her decent, idly twirling as she walked, keeping eye out for the "threat" garnet may have seen.

The absent minded twirling turned into intricate leaps and bounds, half a waltz she had started earlier with Ro-

"AAAAAAHHHH!!"

She stumbled, the shout echoing along the tall grey walls. She leapt up to a higher outcropping, looking around for the source of the cry.

Pearl saw the large corrupted gem first, a large quartz, by the looks of it, a deep blue. Maybe it had once been a friend, not that it mattered now. She didn't spot the human until the creature was knocked back by a small boulder to the face. What was a human doing in the Kindergarten?

The human let out a whoop, before stumbling backwards to avoid the large claws of the corruption.

Pearl supposed the monster was the threat she was here to stop. But Garnet hadn't said anything about the human, a young boy it seemed, now that Pearl was looking.

There was something...not right about him.

For one, Pearl was almost certain human beings weren't that strong, especially not the young ones. Not to mention he looked almost..familiar?

They were closer now, nearing the warp, when the boy tripped, arm slamming into the ground. The monster threw both arms up, ready to smash its prey with its large clawed hands. 

Pearl supposed she ought to step in now. Regardless of what she thought of humans, Garnet would never let her hear the end of it if she let one get killed right in front of her. She summoned her spear.

The monsters arms shot towards the boy, who had sat up and held his hands out as though to block it. She would stop it of course, before it hit, but the gem had no obligations to coddle humans. Not anymore.

But then the beast was knocked back and her weapon dissipated. 

He-

It-

What?

Pearl stared, transfixed at the achingly familiar pink sheild floating before the boys outstretched hands. She could see a faint glow from under the red shirt he wore. It can't be..

His eyes were shut, and he was shaking. He seemed not to notice that the attack had stopped.

That was Rose's shield.

That's was a gem.

Why did this human have it?

The boy dropped his arms, and Pearl flinched as the sheild disappeared. The human looked around confused. Maybe looking for the creature. Pearl couldn't look away.

He was clearly a human, a wound on his cheek bleeding steadily. Yet he had summoned a weapon. Her weapon.

He sighed, and leaned backwards onto a nearby injector. Pearl kept watching, and was just as surprised as the human when the beast came barreling towards him with a roar. 

He barely dodged and climbed upwards, onto the ledge with the warp. Pearl scurried forward, staying in the shadows. She was closer now, close enough to see his face, pinched up with fear and panting heavily. He looked so familiar, he looked like..

Greg?

The boy stopped, one foot on the smooth surface of the warp pad and the creature threw itself into the wall, clawing upwards.

Pearl continued to watch, uncaring. The creature could wait.

This boy had Rose's shield and Greg's face, but it couldn't be. That had been nearly 14 years ago. They had never been able to track them down, not after that horrible man had taken the baby and ran. Taken Rose. Taken..

"Steven.."

The boy turned sharply as she breathed out the name, clearly his strength not being the only thing different about him of he heard her from this distance. He scanned the area, but his attention quickly turned back to the current threat. Pearl had ducked behind the leg of one of the machines. She wasn't ready for this. She held her hands to her mouth, pressing down hard against her lips. 

What was she gonna tell Garnet? Should she tell her?

The gem remembered how the search for Greg and the baby had nearly driven her insane. His movements had been to erratic, the possibilities endless. The betrayal and pressure had taken its toll after a year of searching, and her fusion had split. It had been shocking, Ruby and Sapphire separated for months! When Garnet had eventually returned, her future vision was difficult at best to decipher, at worst it left her frozen in place, unable to extract herself from the thousands of threads she could see all tangling together. 

Pearl couldn't do that again.

She wasn't even positive that this was Rose's son! Maybe there was some other explanation!

Maybe-

In this moment he stepped fully onto the warp, the thing activating and taking him stars knew where. The cut off echo of his final shout bounced around, mixing with the grunts and towels of the corrupted gem, still trying to climb it's way up. 

Pearl stepped forward then, making quick work of the thing. She quickly bubbled it, but hesitated to send it back. Garnet had said there was a threat here. Was it possible she had meant the boy?

Only a gem could activate the warp.

Only rose could summon that shield.

This was insane! That she would stumble upon her son? 

She sent the bubbled gem to back to the temple, then stepped on the warp.

Following him was really the only option, she wasn't going to let the only thing left of Rose slip through her fingers again.

-------------------

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[roublardise]

rewatching this scene for amv purpose, and i feel even less normal about it!! [CC available]

so obvsly what comes out of this scene first, is the difference between Sam's childhood VS Dean's. Sam getting to have more common successes (a sport championship) whereas Dean, at the same age (12yo) was building a shotgun

amazing achievement which reminds us of the Pilot and Dean's handmade EMF! Dean is really good at mecanism, alas he's stuck using his skills for hunting. pretty depressing and unhealthy.

.

second, this scene is following the arcs of their different reactions to John's death. while Sam is realizing John has always been proud of him, and keeping track of his life, Dean is faced with how he was always merely a tool, a weapon, for John (emphazised a few eps later in 3x10)

.

now, what is strucking me the most this morning is the trans Dean reading of this scene....

when Sam sees his trophy (all happy VS Dean feeling pushed aside, even more fascinating with 9x07 and Dean winning wrestling championship that John will never know about!) ; Dean reacts with his usual coping mecanism, which is attacking Sam on Dean's own insecurities, hearing John's voice in his own head. he says:

"Yeah... It was probably about the closest you ever came to being a boy."

this sentence gives us a glimpse of John's reasoning and to why he kept it (which is Sam's question at seeing it). Dean knows John, even better now that he's dead, and he knows John has always praised masculinity. he was keeping Sam's acheivement bc it fits his idea of what his sons must be like

but it also gives us another glimpse at Dean's insecurities, and how much "being a boy" matters to him bc it matters to John. John was only proud of them both when they were boys. a task Dean, upon seeing Sam's trophy (and nothing of him yet), feels like he has failed. his tone even indicate a resignation to it, as if it was an expectation Dean has always tried & failed to reach completely.

.

just after that tho, Dean finds what John has kept of his childhood: his sawed-off

here again, it's about Dean fitting John's expectations of being a weapon ("daddy's blunt instrument" of 3x10). but it's more than that!

put in relation to what Dean just said, then this sawed-off is also a representation of Dean's own masculinity. with a trans Dean reading of Dean over-performing masculinity to "make up" for being trans, to prove himself to his dad for acceptance, to be a boy ; this is such a strong symbol!!! what is a gun if not thee phallic symbol. and Dean says about it:

"It's my first sawed-off. I made it myself."

Dean built his own masculinity. Dean is trans. in this essay i will-

[woodsteingirl]

I AM ASKING ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT SHAKESPEARES JULIUS CEASER.

HIIII omg. where do i even start… i’ll try and go character by character/theme by theme. ill also try and start small and build to bigger ideas if that makes sense. ALSO credit to george wilson knight who has been dead for many many years for putting most of these ideas into my head.

FIRSTLY in one of thee first few scenes (act 1 scene 2 iirc) where brutus and cassius are discussing their feelings about caesar (and also. perhaps their feelings for one another. “nor construe any further my neglect that poor brutus with himself at war forgets the shows of love to other men et cetera et cetera...) cassius says “the fault, dear brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.” (YES the john green novel comes from That.) and what makes that so interesting and so insane crazy is that caesar himself is compared to a star like. its a reoccurring motif! the fault is not in caesar its in them... and it sort of is! sometimes it is! like the fault of yk. ruining the republic is obviously in caesar, but the actual like final fall of it is kind of in their hands and they do fuck it up a little bit!!

um now i want to talk about mimesis which is a huge concept throughout the whole thing but for the purposes of this i just want to talk about cassius + how people say he was jealous of caesar (and his position of power) and how stupid that take is. like the reason is because cassius does fundamentally believe caesar is a tyrant and he does want the republic back, his weird weird thing with caesar as a rival is like a secondary thing. or it becomes one i dont know. but the thing is they want the same thing (for rome to be  under just rule) they just obviously have different ways of thinking about that. then the second you put brutus in the mix, either as cassius’s mimetic rival or as like. some sort of object between cassius and caesar it gets even weirder god bless. i could elaborate on this specific point a lot i think but this is long already... hmu if you do want to here abt it though...

oh now its time to talk about the role of The Lover... throughout the whole play there are like two categories you can be in. you can be A Lover, cassius + antony, who are ruled by emotion and are quick tempered and hold personal ideals over anything, OR you can be a stoic (term here used loosely by the way, more in the modern sense than the philosophical.) which it is harder to find a specific example of and you will see in a minute why, but they hold moral value over emotion, are critical of things like omens and portents, etc. they dont have that emotional volatility like The Lovers do. Caesar falls into both of these, like he has a sort of spirit vs body thing happening. he is the political body and also his own spirit (quite literally when it comes to him appearing as a ghost in the latter half of the play). ANYWAYS so yk who else has duality. brutus. he wants to be a stoic so bad but he literally cant he Loves Too Much. you see this in his quarrel with cassius and in his reaction to portia’s death. like he is feeling soo much but he plays it off as worry about money or just doesnt talk about it at all. he is literally torn between love and logic, head and heart...his position as clinging onto stoic ideals DIRECTLY contrasts cassius and how he is soooo ruled by love. that is his guiding principle its his motivation he wants to be loved so fucking badly. and he wants it from brutus which was perhaps a bit of philosophical oversight on his part, as we know brutus is. repressed in some sense of the word. whatever anyways.

brutus’s position as between a good lover like antony is to caesar, or a good conspirator like cassius, literally puts him in that dualistic position again. you see his general humanity win out when he tells them not to kill antony, and that love ruling guess what. it fucking ruins the whole thing. without brutus the conspiracy had a fighting chance, but he is too emotional to be logical and too logical to be emotional... NOT to pin the blame on him entirely either, like if cassius wasnt so desperate to be loved that it made him look stupid, he would not have let brutus make that final decision. he KNOWS brutus has significantly less military experience but he still lets him be in charge of stuff because he loves him soo much ohh my god. they are still fighting by like act 4 scene 2 which is thee lovers spat. like that also gives light to the fact that cassius is so stupid in love with brutus (brutus hath rived my heart, you love me not, I cannot drink too much of Brutus' love, et cetera) and also brutus’s weird in between existance... its soooo much.....

i dont know what even to say about the end of it by the way i try desperately not to think about it because it makes me so sad, but they are so in love with each other even in their dyings and it is. eek. ANYWAYS thats my bit. i will expand on this if you send me a dm/another ask by the way. i could talk about it for hours genuinely.

[gooasis726twifics]

Finally

This takes place in the Watermelon Sugar universe - A short update scene of some of our favorite pack members and their kids. Part of my One Shots and Challenge Entries.  If you like it, please reblog and then check out the others ;)

Full Short below the links.  AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38370631/chapters/96323842 FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14067311/5/One-Shots-and-Challenge-Entries "Shoot."

Sarah's tower crashed and fell apart. The mud was just no good for building castles. She began digging it back out of her moat and squeaked in surprise at the sound of a loud snap beside her. She looked down at the little white baggie and rolled her eyes. She jumped again as another hit the ground behind her and spun on her twin cousins.

"Watch this," Jacob whispered. Paul was already glaring at his sons.

"I should have never bought them those damn things. I swear. They're like the fucking kids on that Horror Story show," Paul grumbled. "Rotten little shits.

"Jared laughed and asked, "When did you become such a pushover, anyway?"

"When those little fuckers got here," Paul grumbled.

A third pop landed at Sarah's feet. Looking exactly like her father at the moment, a five-year-old Sarah Hope Black slung a handful of mud at her cousins. She'd been blessed with her mother's remarkable aim, splattering them both as they huddled together giggling.

The men chuckled, pretending not to watch the children as the yelling started.

"Damn. Thith ith my favorite thirt," Bobby yelled, the image of his hot-headed father. His identical twin, in appearance only, patted his shoulder and grinned.

"Momma will wash it," Billy said. His name had been well chosen. Though Billy tended to do whatever Bobby did, his nature was calmer. He did not anger easily and was the only person his twin never picked on. He was, however, fiercely protective of Bobby, whose lisp was a sore subject. It blew Jacob's mind to think that a preschooler should have to worry about being bullied. Bobby, like Paul, picked on everyone else in turn. His behavior had made Paul face some hard truths about his own childhood. Being a father had calmed Paul considerably.

Paul grinned and whispered, "You think I can convince them to change clothes before the girls get home?"

"Not a chance," Jared said.

"Shit, Bells has gotten to the point that she just hoses Sarah down in the backyard before she comes inside just like my mom did to us," Jacob said and laughed. "She had so many hopes of passing down clothes when Sarah outgrew them. My little mud monster doesn't like to share." As the children's voices grew louder, they turned back to listen.

"You said a fourteen-year-old word," Sarah said, smirking at Bobby as she glanced toward their fathers.

Bobby asked, "A what?"

"The bad word you said. Daddy said you have to be at least fourteen to use that word," Sarah scolded.

"Jesus, that's Bella," Jared cackled as Jacob rolled his eyes.

His Bella, indeed. She'd corrected Jacob regularly as children. Jacob, however, had never minded it. She liked to teach him things. Even as children, Jacob was more than willing to listen to every word she had to say.

"Where are they, anyway," Jared wondered aloud. They had been gone quite some time. How long was a lunch date with your gal pals supposed to last?

"Uncle Jake ith crathy," Bobby said. "You can thay it any time you want. Thee? Damn!" Paul scowled.

"You aren't supposed to," Sarah grumbled, turning back to her muddy blob of a Castle.

"It's too wet," Billy said.

"I need sand," Sarah said.

"You need more dirt," Billy said. He knelt down next to Sarah and started digging into the mud.

"Momma said I can't make the hole any bigger," Sarah said.

"Shut up," Jacob grumbled softly before Paul or Jared could make an inappropriate joke. Paul had been present for Sarah's birth. He knew approximately how quickly the entire process had gone and rarely failed to joke about it. Paul and Jared looked at each other and laughed.

"Thith is boring," Bobby said. He picked up a small pail of water Sarah had and dumped it directly onto her barely standing castle. Sarah glared up at her uncle Paul, who silently strutted toward his son, lifting him by the back of his shirt. Bobby hung limply in his father's hand as Paul walked away with him and mumbled, "Damn."

"Quit using that word," Paul said before pulling his son's shoes off and carrying him into the house.

"He needed a time-out," his twin brother said. "He was getting cranky.

"Sarah yelled, "Daddy! Bobby made it worse. I want to go inside."

Jared's son, Thomas, came around the side of the house with a book in his hand. He didn't even glance at the others as he walked into the house. "He is his mother. A thousand percent," Jared said and chuckled.

Jacob said, "It's odd, watching little versions of ourselves and our wives, isn't it?" Jared nodded in agreement as Jacob walked over to turn on the hose. He carefully sprayed off Sarah's hands and bare feet for her. Sarah yelled, "Thank you, Daddy," and sprinted for the back door. She stopped and spun toward the driveway as Leah's car pulled into the drive. 

Jacob wasn't surprised to see Bella, Rachel, and Kim exiting the vehicle together. He was surprised to see the anxious look on their faces. Bella bent down to kiss her daughter, who immediately snagged her mother's hand and walked beside her. Bobby charged out the kitchen door, yelling for his mother as Paul chased behind him, scowling. Rachel spun to catch her son, lifting him onto her hip.

"He's in trouble, Rach," Paul said, "He's supposed to be in time-out. He was pickin' on Sarah. As usual." Rachel sighed aggravatedly and handed him back to his father. Paul wrapped one arm around his son's kicking legs to stop his assault.

Rachel yelled, "Robert Lahote, do you want to watch Billy and Sarah get treats later while you don't?" The boy instantly stilled, puckering his lip in a pout. She shook her head at the others and laughed. "He's just like his father. He only responds to food."

Jacob asked Bella, "So, why were you guys looking so nervous when you got home? Worried we'd break the kids while you were gone?" She smiled down at Sarah, shaking her head before grinning tearfully at Jacob. Leah swooped down to pick up her niece, who giggled and wrapped her arms around Leah's neck.

"The girls had to take me to the emergency room," Bella said sheepishly, holding her wrist to show Jacob her hospital bracelet. He looked her over quickly, both confused and concerned.

Jacob asked, "Did you fall or something? Are you okay?"

"I get why you'd ask that first," Leah cackled. Bella slapped her playfully and hushed her.

"I passed out," Bella said. "Got lightheaded, and it was lights out."

Incredulously, Jacob said, "Well, that's weird. You haven't done that since you were pregnant with Sarah." Bella bit her bottom lip, waiting for him to catch the hint.

Paul cackled at Jacob's blank expression, pointed at his wife in a warning, and turned to carry Bobby back inside as Rachel laughed.

"Are you sick?" Jacob asked Bella.

Leah rolled her eyes and huffed, shoving Jacob playfully. "I really love you, Jake, but geez, you can be thick."

Bella grinned up at him and laid her hands on her lower abdomen. She'd done it through her entire pregnancy with Sarah, and what she was indicating finally hit home. Jacob gave her a dazzling smile before squatting to wrap his arms around her thighs and lift her up high.

Excitedly, Jacob asked, "He's finally coming?" Bella laughed, nodding emphatically.

Rachel asked, "He?"

"Yep," Bella said happily. "He. He's going to look exactly like his father."

Jacob grinned at Sarah and said, "You know what this means, Sarah?

"She smiled nervously and shook her head no.

"You are going to be a big sister," Bella said.

Sarah momentarily gaped at her parents in shock before scowling as she said, "Damn."

[fandomsilhouette]

they’ve got a bad reputation (they’ll get a standing ovation)

The spotlight clicks on, floods the stage until the shadows are sent scampering away, every flaw and every fear in sharp contrast for the audience to feast upon; but what horrors lurk where the darkness prowls, trapped at the edges of the script like handcuffs around the actor? May life mirror art at the best of times, the worst of times. 

Happy @felinettenovember, y’all! We’re back to terrible o’clock writing times with @musicfren, who is collaborating with me on this fic-turned-mechanism-through-which-to-preach-on-the-spot-Hamlet-analysis. He’ll be posting the second part on his account tomorrow, during which the bulk of my meta nonsense is going to come through. Are you following him yet? @emzurl spoiled this whole story with their art and @dumpsdoods simply spoils me with theirs. 

Part 1 below. Part 2 upcoming.

“Alright, take ten, my dudes! We’ll go from Act III, Scene 1 after you get some snacks and chill.” 

Marinette lets out an amused laugh as she thumbs through her copy of the script, ignoring the throng of hungry students pushing past her, desperate for this grueling 5 hour rehearsal to end. Brevity may be the soul of wit, but certainly not of this play. Nino makes a good director, she thinkst: loud, relentlessly positive, able to carry the sagging energy of an entire unwilling highschool production on his shoulders.

But alas, poor Nino is fighting a losing battle. Everyone knows that the point of this play is the obligatory report they will all have to write for their literature class at the end of the week. Almost no one here can act, and Marinette’s arms are beginning to grow tired from carrying up the entire play. With scarcely a week left it looks like most people are planning to coast the rest of the way to a clean C+. The part of Hamlet still has not been cast.

Akuma attacks have pushed back the discussions they were meant to have on the play, and Bustier couldn’t cancel the major assignment for the unit; instead, she had told them to analyze the play through the role of their choice after embodying it for the few weeks it took to rehearse and perform the production. Their in-class discussions have been condensed into a take-home paper on top of the already obligatory theatre performance and pretty much everyone knows that Bustier would be lenient on them just for that. And Nino knows they know, and Marinette is starting to suspect that he is itching to “chill” like he keeps telling them to. 

Marinette chews on the corner of her pencil, running a finger over the veritable bloodbath of neat pink notes she’s crammed into the margins of every page. She’s on in the next scene, and she wants to make sure she’s got all the nuances of the character, her character, exactly as she plans to bring her to life. Looking over the script, Marinette starts to regret not typing the notes to begin with: her entire essay is definitely already fully composed. Maybe Max will consider building her an application that can scan the document and transpose it to a word processor as editable text… 

“Give me your hand, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends.” 

Marinette looks up to see Felix quoting Shakespeare, trying very hard to look inconspicuous in his black stage-hand clothes, wheeling a stand of fake swords almost as tall as he was. She watches with some amusement as he struggles to set it upright, and makes absolutely no move to help him. 

“I wasn’t expecting to see you on stage any time this week,” she says, sticking her tongue out and being far cuter than it had any right to be. Felix, sweating, scrambles for a riposte. 

“I hadn’t expected you out of the home ec room at all. Shouldn’t you be half-drowned in fabric or something?” 

She sends him a quizzical look. He wonders if the akuma attacks have scrambled her memory. “Because...you’ve got costumes to work on? As the play’s costume designer?” 

“Oh, I’m not doing costumes this year, actually.” Marinette laughs awkwardly. “I’m not even sure what I would write about if I were.” 

Felix stares at her. The sword he was carrying slid out of his grasp with a dull clang.

“...what are you writing about as a stagehand?” 

Felix decides to pretend the last few moments were a fever dream and focus on answering this one very reasonable question. “I’m looking at the blocking and the prop placement and the lighting and how it impacts the effect of the character portrayal on the audience and what information manages to get conveyed to the audience.” 

Marinette offers a suitably impressed ooh at this. “How far have you gotten with it?” 

“Darling, we don’t even have a Hamlet. The titular character. I’ve done nothing.” Felix offers the most deadpan look he can muster and startles at her giggle. “What, how far have you gotten?!”

Marinette flashes her script at him, more notes than dialogue at this point. 

“You are possibly the only person in the class thinking anything even remotely deep about this play. What is all that for?!” 

“Hopefully for a handwritten notes to editable text conversion app.” 

Felix only narrowly avoids gaping. What?! “...is that what’s scrawled on every corner of that script you’re clutching?” He grins crookedly at her, and her traitorous heart skips a beat. 

“...oh! no, um, those are my notes. For… my essay? I’ve written out the character analyses into where the text supports my arguments and… um… yeah.” She flushes with the realization that 1) that was completely out of context for him because 2) he cannot, in fact, read her mind. 

“...Marinette, for what do you possibly need notes?” 

“...to play my character?” 

“Oh, wow, are you playing a guy? Impressive, tiny girl.” He rakes his gaze down her body and Marinette is flushed for a whole new reason now. She pushes to her feet and doesn’t bother to care about the swords she knocks over. 

“I’m not, actually.” 

“Why?! Who is there to play among the female characters? Marinette, I took you as someone who plays characters of worth.”

She looks up at him, eyes wide with dangerous innocence “Are female characters not valuable?” 

“I-- no, that’s not what I meant and you know it! Shakespeare is historical, and male-centric, and writes women who do little more than parrot the views of the men around them if they get any dialogue at all. There’s no substance there! Who are you possibly going to play, Gertrude? Ophelia?!?” Felix’s tone makes it very clear what he thinks of the only two options she has available to her. 

Marinette sweeps past him coolly, her hair whipping against his cheek. “I am playing Ophelia, actually.”

Stumbling, Felix turns and gives her a wry grin. “Oh darn, I’m sorry for your loss.” He makes a valiant effort at replicating her stuck out tongue, not that Marinette is looking. It’s for the best: it’s not nearly as cute on him. 

“Excuse you?” Marinette halts in her tracks, shadowed amongst the heavy curtains of stageside. Her voice echoes hauntingly around the empty theatre. 

“...c’mon. Ophelia does less than Gertrude. She even has fewer lines!”

With great restraint, Marinette manages to do nothing more than turn to face Felix, trembling with repressed rage. “Does less? Ophelia is the only person in this play who does anything at all that isn’t driven by a madman’s plot! Ophelia is the only person in this play who can pull Hamlet out of insanity, even if for little more than a moment.” 

Frustrated, Felix tosses the nearest item at her and growls when she catches it neatly. It’s a victory when she stalks off across the stage to the opposite wing, gathering her notes and settling herself neatly in a prim fury. She’s wrong, she’s wrong, she’s wrong. He whirls around and starts rearranging everything she knocked over, grumbling under his breath. 

“Ophelia is the only character in that play who makes zero choices of her own. Even her death was a result of her tripping into a lake.”

There’s a crashing sound, and Felix spins back around to see Marinette bolt upright, tempestuous in her temper. Felix may have gotten a bit too loud with that last statement.

“How can you say that? That’s the most significant choice she makes in the whole play!”

Felix can feel the irritation rising, hot and ugly in his chest. Why is she being so stubborn? Marinette makes a gesture at him, quick and angry from the other side of the room. Felix squints and tilts his head, struggling to what she was doing from across the stage. Then all at once it hits him.

“Do… do you bite your thumb at me?!” He splutters in indignant incoherency, his grip tightening on whatever he’s holding until the plastic grooves bite into his skin. 

“I do bite my thumb at thee, sir.” 

Felix steps onto stage, glaring. Marinette matches him step for step, glare for angry glare. Nino gasps, cowers, and then grabs his camera.

The class, milling around aimlessly as their ten minutes ticked to an end, comes to a collective halt. Nino sheppards them out of the way of the camera’s shot. They flock without protest to the edges of the theatre, terrified to watch this trainwreck unfold, terrified they’ll miss even a second of it. The die has been cast. Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?

Nino can only hope that the set backgrounds manage to come out of this intact.

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 76-79

Chapter 76

Andi has a nice little poetic nightmare. It’s irrelevant. The next morning has the girls preparing for the ball, complete with dresses and makeup.

Some things to note include Lira saying that in Adhiran religion (which is global, I guess), one has to mourn for three days before “letting” the souls of the dead pass on into ... everything.

Andi tries to say that it’ll take time to heal from it all, but Lira is having none of it.

“It will take time to move past what happened on Adhira,” Andi started, but Lira held up a hand.

“My three days of mourning have passed. Lon’s and my aunt’s, too. Now we, and the others who lost loved ones during the attack, must give the lost spirits to the stars, to the trees, to the wind.”

Which basically means that she’s done feeling bad about the unexpected and brutal attack on her home planet, so that’s convenient. Well, if one of our main characters doesn’t care about her people getting senselessly murdered, then why should we?

She also lets us know that her aunt has fixed up the Marauder and brought it here, because of course. Lira wants to arrange for Lon to be transferred to the Marauder, and though she has a logical reason for it (taking him home personally), it’s only a setup so we know why he’s on there at the end of the book when Andi’s bleeding out and needs a universal donor.

Spoilers, I guess.

Andi’s mother, Glorya, intercepts Andi as she tries to leave her crew to their makeover montages, just so we can move into a scene where her mom is brushing her hair and babbling on about gossip and vapid high society stuff.

But Andi, of course, gets lost in a flashback that’s so amateurishly written it’s honestly embarrassing and only highlights Shinsay’s helpless reliance on flashbacks as a storytelling device.

Observe:

Her words faded away as memories took their place. Andi lost herself to them.

The whole flashback is written in italics for some inexplicable reason, even though it would’ve been fine as just regular text since we’re clearly told what’s happening now and what’s a memory.

Also, there’s one bit where the memory “fast-forwards” to a different one. Shinsay, this isn’t a fucking movie. This isn’t a screenplay. What the fuck are you DOING.

The flashback and the mother’s inane babbling are all there to illustrate how vapid and brainless Glorya is and how she only ever cared about her status and not about her kid. Glorya pretends that everything is back to the way it was but Andi curses her out for abandoning her when she needed them most and how “the way it was” was actually always shit.

I mean it’s fine. It’s all right. I see what they’re going for, it’s melodramatic as all fuck but it works for what they’re trying to do? I can see this as being a realistic way for an emotionally neglectful family to look like. I wish it was more nuanced and wasn’t just shoe-horned in here (Glorya doesn’t show up before or after this bit, this is the only time she’s ever present or even mentioned in this book in any meaningful capacity) for the sake of making Andi’s friends look better and for her to not have anything that anchors her to Arcardius, but like, I won’t say this isn’t realistic.

And then Shinsay can’t stop themselves and it’s back to silly time:

“Really, Androma...” 

[...]

“That is not my name,” Andi whispered. She allowed the darkness to come up into her voice, the mask of shadow and steel to sweep across her face. “My name is the Bloody Baroness. And if you or Commander Racella ever so much as utter a single word toward me or my crew again, I will personally strip the skin from your body and wave it like a flag from my starship.”

Glorya let out a soft squeak. Andi snarled with all of her teeth.

Guys I can’t breathe this is too fucking funny. And not in a good “woo vindication!” sort of way, but in a “they really put this right after an emotional confrontation about parental emotional neglect/abuse huh?” way. They really thought this was ... badass? Revenge? Andi, sweetie, you’re, like, traumatized? Presumably? I can’t really tell. But maybe get some therapy?

Do Shinsay think this is somehow a win and that Andi’s threat means she’s fully released from the hurt and pain her parents have caused her through their neglect? It’s honestly written as if Andi just confronted her mother and her own hopes of coming back to her family in this one short scene, and then upon realizing her parents never loved her, she scares her mom a little and then is all smug and satisfied at the end.

That ain’t how it works, darlings.

Then the annoying Marketable Space Pet runs in and starts biting Glorya’s toes and she runs away shrieking like a defeated Disney villain.

Way to undercut your own drama, Shinsay.

The chapter ends with Andi thinking about how her crew is her True Family for the bajillionth time. Because we’re all idiots and Shinsay wants us to remember that.

Chapter 77

It’s the evening of the ball and Andi thinks about how she missed Bavista, which is apparently your generic coming-of-age ball held at Arcardius for every 16-year-old. I’m guessing it’s a yearly thing? The book never clarifies. Not sure why the fuck it’s here tbh.

Actually, it’s a pretty good demonstration of how the worldbuilding in this book is presented so here, have at thee:

She could still remember seeing the otherworldly dresses and suits float by her on the feeds as she watched the girls and boys glide into the A’Vianna House in the Glass Sector. They seemed light as air, full of pride, bursting at the seams with excitement. Once inside, they would be greeted by members of the Priest Guild, who would award each young person three items.

The first was a vial of water from the Northern Ocean, symbolizing strength. For growth, they accepted a single leaf from the oldest tree on Arcardius, known as The Mother, which was said to have been planted when the Ancients first arrived. Lastly, they were given a single floating pebble, no larger than a child’s fingernail, chiseled from the very gravarock where the Cortas estate was. It represented the wisdom of rising above.

Is this relevant to anything? Does this help you understand this world or its inhabitants? Does it tell you anything of the culture of Arcardius or its youth and what’s expected of them? No? It’s just a really generic list of things thrown together using Mystical Proper Nouns as glue? Weeell heeell.

Also what does “it represented the wisdom of rising above” mean? This is utterly generic and means fuck-all, that’s what.

Anyway, Andi’s admiring herself in the mirror. Her dress is very sexy, trust me, I can’t be bothered to include it so just imagine your favorite My Immortal outfit description. It does include sword holsters at the back, which are Andi’s favorite part, because she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. She never actually uses them or brings the swords to the ball so ... Idk what the point of this was.

We also get some shit about how Andi actually LOVES dresses and being pretty but she never admitted it to anyone. But don’t you worry, this badass space criminal LOVES all things girly, because that’s feminism! Can someone check in on Shinsay? I’m not sure they’re getting enough air with their heads so far up Sarah J Maas’ asshole.

Admitting to herself that she looked pretty was something Andi kept private. She didn’t want to give her crew the satisfaction of knowing her true thoughts about fashion. How even though she was a fierce, hardened criminal, she could still appreciate the joy of a beautiful, impractical ball gown.

Huh. And here I thought they were your family. That’s weird that you’d keep this information from them, especially considering all of them seemed pretty excited to be prettied up in the last chapter. I guess they’d really just haaate the idea of sharing this joy with their captain, huh? Why aren’t you admitting this to them, Andi?

You’re saying shit about how “even though” you’re a hardened criminal, you can “still” appreciate beautiful gowns, like those two are somehow contradictory. Are you, mayhaps, ashamed of having this traditionally girly interest? Hmm! Interesting. Why could that be, I wonder? Why would having traditionally feminine interests or even caring about one’s appearance be seen as something inherently shameful or embarrassing, as inherently contradictory to being fierce and “hardened?”

This is all just so *clenches fist* feminist.

Forreal though, somehow Shinsay managed to take their entire made up GALAXY and make it subtly and not-so-subtly sexist. Good job, morons. Really girlbossed that one, huh?

The only bit I like about this whole mess is this:

The dressmaker had also accented her gown with a sparkling necklace full of jewels that Andi didn’t plan on giving back.

This is the one and only space pirate-y thing Andi does -- sorry, considers doing -- in the whole book and honestly could’ve been used to build her character more, but it’s just a one-off joke here. Wasted.

Valen comes to fetch her and we get some subtle foreshadowing.

“Valen the Resurrected.”

He stopped to look at her, brows raised. “What?”

She shrugged. “It’s what the press is calling you in all the feeds.” Valen let out a deep chuckle.

[...]

“Something tells me things are about to change for the better,” he said. “I’m ready to see it all happen.”

Andi wondered what he would do now that he was home with a whole planet at his disposal.

He deserved to have some fun.

Is it bad that I’m rooting for Valen to destroy everything? And this isn’t my villain-fucker coming out, I just want this poor bastard to absolutely annihilate Andi and her gang of acolytes.

Chapter 78

Andi and Valen arrive at the ball. It’s all very pretty and space-y and aesthetic. There’s a bunch of aliens everywhere. Andi sees a woman with funky eyes and assumes it’s a body mod, because I guess she knows the genetic characteristics of every species by heart and can tell when something is real or not.

An old classmate of theirs comes up to talk to Valen and congratulate him on being alive, then Andi reminds him of who she is just to be a smug asshole and the guy fucks off in a panic. She’s just so cool and badass, you guys.

Then it’s time for Valen and Andi to dance, and of course General Cortas looks like he’s about to lose his marbles because these darn kids! >:(

The chapter ends on Andi noticing Dex pouting in the distance.

“Relax,” Andi whispered. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”

She flashed him a wicked grin as the music began.

And as Valen spun her into the first move of the dance, Andi saw Dex standing on the fringes of the crowd, an expression of longing clear on his face.

Chapter 79

This chapter is exactly 298 words of Dex moping around about how he’s actually not over Andi at all when he thought he’d done such a good job of repressing his feelings, and how he should be the one dancing with Andi instead of Valen. If you’re surprised, you’re clinically dead.

[junewild]

tagged by dearest @cithaerons to quote, from memory, some snippets of media or literature that live rent free in my head. whoof buddy we are in for a big storm because there are a lot and they are very angsty

“a mother hen’s devotion to her chicks is evidence that given sufficient billions of years, stardust will turn into kindness.” - daniel geiger

“girl is born as girl. her brother is born as bull. every day the brother wishes himself human and the girl wishes herself beast. not a cow but a bull. something powerful with feet heavy enough to trample gods.” - @beholdingslut

“the soap by the sink is milk and honey scented. it doesn’t make our hands holy. it doesn’t make this apartment jerusalem. ... i think our bodies are meant to hold other bodies.” - @grendelmenz (?)

“the truth is this: my love for you is the only empire i will ever build. when it falls, as all empires do, my career in empire building will be over.” - mindy nettifee

“i just want someone to grab my little face and scream: on purpose, on purpose i am going to care about you.” - jenny slate

“the first sign of civilization is a femur that has broken and been healed.” - margaret meade (probably apocryphal but who cares?)

“i love and am loved and i never thought i would let it happen. i am here to tell you that the years you spent wanting were not in vain. you will press your forehead to their forehead in your car when you are ready. you will hold hands while you drive them home. you will watch jeopardy while they lay on your chest. you have no idea the joy that is coming. you have no idea the joy that is coming.” and “if love is anything tangible it is his mouth, his mouth, his holy goddamned mouth. he says my name and the whole sky is talking.” and “it ends or it doesn’t. we do not perish.” AND “i know it’s not right to say things like this, so i’ll only say it once. listen closely. are you listening? bring your ear to my mouth. i would follow you anywhere. i would. god, i would.” - caitlyn siehl / @alonesomes (guess whomst has been influenced)

“why do we breathe air? because we love air? because we don’t want to suffocate. why do we eat? because we don’t want to starve. how do i know i love her? because i can sleep after i talk to her.” - maggie stiefvater

“go ahead. be gouged open by love. gulp that seawater, sink beneath the waves. you’re not a boat, you can go under and come up again, with those great big lungs of yours. and your heart, that gargantuan ark. call it unsinkable, though it is sinkable. embark, embark. there are enough ballrooms in you to dance with everyone you’ve ever loved.” - laura lamb brown-lavoie

“it is in your best interests to find a way to be very tender.” - jenny holzer

“i am alive ; can you not hear the ocean in me ; are you not aware of the war i am fighting ; i am alive ; you cannot take that from me.” - i think this one might also be caitlyn siehl but i can’t find it when i look for it anymore

“we don’t love this world without reason.” - @catadromously (this, along with “stay wolf my love” and “that’s all there is” is one of the only quotes i’ve ever considered getting as a tattoo)

“you painted a naked woman because you liked looking at her, and you put a mirror in her hand and called it vanity, thus condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for your own pleasure.” - john berger

“hail, holy light, offspring of heav’n firstborn. or of eternal, co-eternal beam. may i express thee unblam’d? since god is light, and never but in unapproach’d light. dwelt from eternity, dwelt then in thee, bright effluence of bright essence increate.” - milton

“to seize each moment, to live to the fullest the love between us, to refuse no joy set before us, that each day might be a gold coin to add to the treasure of our love. until i’ve drunk the last drop in the cup and no more days remain to me, as long as life shall last, until i take my last breath of the sweet air.” - wedding vows for hobbits written by lindelea

“i was making dinner and i got a message. go look outside, it said. go look at the sunset. my apartment is small, with four rooms and two windows that don’t see a lot of light so i had no idea. i hurried out. i was running to this sunset, suddenly the only thing that mattered. i hurried past the taller buildings and made it to the park and the sky was bleeding shades of purple and pink. it was beautiful and fleeting, there one minute and gone the next. i almost missed it. i could have kissed it. and i started thinking: how lovely would it be to get a nudge, a tap on the shoulder before your life changes. stop what you’re doing and look around. you’ll want to remember this later. in a minute, you’re going to fall in love.” - kelsey danielle

not quotes, but the confession scene from fleabag and the leslie/ben proposal and wedding scenes from parks and rec live rent free in my mind and i will never stop thinking about them. never.

i tag @grizzlybairparty @sabertoothwalrus @zubeia @eileentide @beholdingslut @crypticspren @goldengirlschildhood and anyone else who’d like to try it!

[warrioreowynofrohan]

The Leithian Reread - Canto X (The Attack by Celegorm and Curufin)

This canto splits into two stories: Lúthien and Beren having a rather circular argument about what to do next, and Celegorm and Curufin facing the fallout from their actions in Nargothrond.

Beren and Lúthien bury Finrod before departing from the isle of Tol Sirion. [Very slightly edited by me to update names.]

The isle in Sirion they left behind

but there on hill-top one might find

a green grave, and a stone set,

and there there lie the white bones yet

of Felagund, Finarfin’s son -

unless that land is changed and gone,

or foundered in unfathomed seas,

while Felagund laughs beneath the trees

in Valinor, and comes no more

to this grey world of tears and war.

Many of Sauron’s captives from Tol-in-Gaurhoth return to Nargothrond, as does Huan (Huan most likely with them and looking after them, as post-Bragollach Beleriand is a dangerous place and I can’t imagine they’re in very good shape).

The reaction in Nargothrond stands out because nothing has fundamentally changed about Celegorm and Curufin’s actions. It was obvious before (Canto VIII) that Celegorm and Curufin were deliberately abandoning Finrod to die, and it’s still obvious now. Finrod’s death is an entirely foreseeable action of the Nargothrondrim’s choices. The main point that’s new is the realization that defeating Sauron was possible - possible for one elf-maid and a dog, no less. They really are, as the narrative itself calls them, fickle. It’s even more striking in the Silmarillion, where no one will go with Celegorm and Curufin, not even their own people (for all perceived that the curse lay heavily upon the brothers, and that evil followed them) in contrast with the Leithian ([they] took their horses and such folk as still them followed). The Silmarillion version works better in terms of narrative consistency, as no one else is with the brothers when they attack Beren and Lúthien.

I’m very interested in what’s going on in the heads of Celegorm and Curufin’s followers - the ones who stay in Nargothrond - at this point. They’ve backed the brothers all through their coup, all through the brothers threatening the Nargothrondim with a second Kinslaying, all through the imprisonment and attempted rape of Lúthien, and done nothing to impede these profoundly un-Elvish actions. And now, suddenly, they all turn away and decide that they’d rather stay with a group of Nargothrondim who are probably more than a little angry and hostile to them. Is it repentance? A belated attack of conscience? Pure self-interest - Nargothrond’s one of the most secure places in Beleriand at the moment, and in that respect preferable to the northeastern front of the war?

Orodreth, in pretty much the only documented moment where he takes a stand and sticks to it, forbids the killing of Celegorm and Curufin, and exiles them instead. I think he’s a fundamentally good person, just one without any strong leadership qualities who’s been placed in a position for which he is fundamentally unsuited.

They’ve accomplished nothing with all their treachery except alienating the two largest elf-kingdoms in Beleriand. They are entirely unrepentant, and are instead furious (went away in anger dire) despite, or pethaps because of, being treated more mercifully than they deserve. This is the state of mind they will remain in through the rest of their lives, from the attack on Beren and Lúthien through to the Second Kinslaying: a determined and ever-worsening hatred towards, and need for vengeance against, anyone they have wronged. Mercy is the worst offense to pride, as in Saruman’s words to Frodo at the end of the Scouring of the Shire (You have robbed my revenge of sweetness, and now I must go hence in bitterness, in debt to you mercy. I hate it and you!) It is, in fact, hard not to draw parallels between the scenes: Saruman attempts and fails to kill Frodo in reaction to being offered mercy, even as Celegorm (in the Leithian) or Curufin (in the Silm) attempts to kill Lúthien for the same reason.

Perhaps, on some entirely unacknowledged level, they realize what they’ve become - but rather then recognizing it as a vonsequence of their own actions, they blame the people they have harmed for being the cause of their fall.

Beren and Lúthien, in the meantime, are arguing on the borders of Doriath: Beren wants to go alone on a hopeless quest to Angband, while Lúthien is all for either ignoring the Quest altogether and eloping (perfectly legit, albeit rude, by elven standards) or going with Beren if he insists on going to Angband, whether he likes it or not: And if she may not by thee go, against thy will they desperate feet she will pursue, until they meet, Beren and Lúthien, love once more, on earth or on the shadowy shore.

At this moment Celegorm and Curufin attack. It’s entirely unprovoked, and driven by nothing but hate and - given the attempt to kidnap Lúthien - lust. One of the clear patterns of the Leithian is that Lúthien, formidable against supernatural threats, is less successful against mundane ones; in tbis sequence it is Beren who rescues her, twice. I’m sure there is deliberate symbolism in this, but I’m having trouble putting my finger on it. It’s as though the purpose of her powers is to stand agai st the forces of darkness, not to fight other elves, even ones who are behaving evilly. And having lived all her life in Doriath, she has no experience with elves acting in that way; she is fundamentally a good and compassionate person (see her sparing of Curufin, and later how she deals with Carcharoth), and this sort of evil is alien to her.

It’s worth pointing out how impressive Beren’s accomplishment here is. Unarmed and on foot, he defeats a mounted Calaquendi who is armed with one of the most dangerous knives ever to exist. He jumps full onto Curufin’s horse, tackles him off it, and then strangles him before Curufin can get to any weapon. This is also another instance of evil deeds resulting in good by accident: without Angrist, Beren and Lúthien would never have bern able to retrieve the Silmaril,from the Iron Crown, so the attack by Celegorm and Curufin becomes essential to the Quest’s success.

As the brothers ride away, they shot twice at Lúthien, not at Beren, in what is thus quite clearly deliberate revenge for her showing mercy. Huan brings an herb that is likely athelas, and Lúthien heals Beren, building a fire and caring for him through the night. Beren, very frustratingly, immediately upon waking returns to his original theme of telling Lúthien to wait in Doriath while he goes to Angband, as if mortal peril was just an inconvenient distraction. She is still having none of it: Why turn we not from fear and woe, beneath the trees to walk and roam, roofless, with all the world as home, over mountains, beside the seas, in the sunlight, in the breeze? It’s interesting to entertain the idea of what would have happened if they had simply set aside the Quest. They ultimately go to live in Ossiriand after returning from death, and there’s nothing stopping them from doing so now. In the long run, Beleriand would have been worse off for it - there would be no Voyage of Eärendil and no War of Wrath - making their quest no less important to the First Age than Frodo’s was to the Third.

Beren remains obdurate, and after they reach the borders of Doriath and have been there some days, he leaves her sleeping and sets off for Angband.

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

[engaged19times]

RHONJ Recrap - season 11, ep 1 - C U Next Tuesday!

Greetings fellow prostitution whores and welcome to my new weekly recrap of American institution The Real Housewives of New Jersey! Before I jump in I’ll introduce myself by saying that I’m a housewives super fan (I even watched DC, an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst sister-in-law), an underemployed comedy writer (I can’t define “napalm” either, Lauren Manzo), and nothing makes me happier than to watch 6 bedazzled hypocrites in Cheesecake Factory mansions argue etiquette and loyalty between physical altercations in the world renowned cultural hub of Paterson, New Jersey. I know essay recaps are a bit of a relic but I am fond of ye olde written word so please enjoy this blast from the past, you scumbags!

We open without fanfare mid-scene to red-eyed Jackie and dead-eyed Teresa sitting in Margaret’s partially finished, wallpaper smothered home. We get the Bad Girls Club black-and-white flashes but unlike in Beverly Hills we’re not flashing to “three months earlier” but instead to “three days earlier.” It might take women of less gumption precious time to build to a production-halting confrontation but it only takes these agents of chaos half a week to get the meatball rolling.

Let’s back up a little to the ominous “three days prior” and catch up with our hot girls. It’s Jackie’s giant hot husband’s 46th birthday so she’s throwing him a party under a tent in the parking lot of a Greek restaurant. We learn that Teresa and Joe’s father has sadly passed in the offseason and Dolores Thee Stallion and Margaret have both had full cosmetic overhauls - Dolores with a second butt enhancement that left her with a giant hip scar rivaled only by Sally from Nightmare before Christmas and Margaret with a boob lift and apparent nipple sharpening (is that a procedure?) that she advertises in a blush silk top with no bra. Never one to be outdone at a parking lot birthday party, Joe Gorga arrives with his storyline - I mean wife, Melissa - also smuggling raisins under a skin tight children’s white T-shirt. Nipples are trending, ladies!

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

A beautiful boob lift.

Tarzan’s headlights.

Margaret’s hot employee Lexi and Teresa’s hot realtor Michelle (both of whom are official friends-of this year), as well as iconic social wrecking ball and Aydin Center for Plastic Surgery mascot Jennifer all saunter in for car park cocktails at this 3D nipple fashion show and as the night devolves we see the cast getting truly shit-housed on shots when out of nowhere storyline sniper Teresa drops the bomb that she heard sexy birthday Bigfoot Evan is cheating on Jackie... more specifically, that he “does stuff” at the gym but mysteriously can’t remember any details or where she heard this head-scratching accusation that draws as many gasps as it does “huhs?” Honest straight people question: do y’all hook up at gyms? And if so, where? Are there co-ed saunas now? Also can one of you explain the allure of Mike and Molly to me? Moving on. Most shocking was that the Perez Hilton of North Jersey doesn’t just drop this wild accusation once, she gleefully skips through this asphalt soiree like a goddamn town crier, addressing everyone she passes like Belle through the town square.

The next day the hard partying crew of Jersey Shore: All Grown Up recovers from their throbbing hangovers and we see cool mom Melissa traipsing through her particle board mausoleum in see-through sweatpants with a visible thong in front of her kids’ friends (you girls keep me young!), Marge Sr. driving a blue Mini Cooper with eyelashes on the headlights (which I assume are like the spinning rims of the Jersey Grandma community), and a flashback of Margaret’s Joe puking next to a tree (relatable, my dude).

Marge Sr.: Fully Loaded.

You girls keep me young!

Over at Jennifer’s palatial child farm we learn that her parents fight so much these days that she moved her father (Carl from Up!) to her multi-generational compound which has only angered her mother more.

Jennifer’s sweet dad.

We then find out Dolores’s dry boyfriend David with whom she shares the burning passion of a melting ice sculpture now lives with her bulging slab of a son Frankie Jr. in the house he and Delores built together but Dolores curiously still lives with her also bulging but slightly slimey ex Frank Sr. in her original house, a near Braunwyn-level web of over-explained but still vague relationship fuckery of which none of them seem on the same page. Dolores hid her surgery from David until the day before, David still works constantly so she hangs out with her ex all the time, and I can’t help but think that we aren’t getting the full story on whatever the fuck is happening under these two roofs. Are they brother-husbands? Is Frank Sr. piping both of them? Can Frankie Jr. DM me his nudes please? The only one being straight-forward in these duel households of confusion is Dolores’s dog who is simply named Dog and I honestly appreciate his refreshing transparency.

Dog Catania, king of transparency.

Finally, Jackie calls Teresa to organize an infamous Jersey sit-down because she somehow got wind of the out-of-thin-air accusations that Teresa all but presented with a bull horn and a PowerPoint at Evan’s parking lot social. They decide to meet at Margaret’s partially constructed house/ wallpaper showroom because it’s neutral territory to hash things out in a relaxing landscape of ladders and contrasting patterns and the tension is so thick you could cut it with one of Margaret’s newly renovated nipples.

Jackie pleads with Tre to clear her husband’s good name and Tre enters a baffling Kelly-Anne Conway bullshit loop which includes such hits as “woman to woman, if I heard this you wouldn’t want me to tell you?” (a reasonable point which is actually working against Teresa because it’s the opposite of what she did), then explaining to Margaret the immediately contradictory “I didn’t tell her and it’s not like I told Evan, I told my friends” (which is an explanation of what she obviously did wrong but said in the tone of a defense), the wacky last ditch nonsense deflection “Alright let me tell you the reason why I did it. This year, now, you know I’m single now. I’ve been approached by a lot of married men that think that it’s OK to have affairs,” and finally just saying fuck it and rewriting history “I did not spread a rumor, I heard a rumor.”

The truth is that Teresa was retaliating for a cheating rumor Jackie entertained about her last year but neither can be held to such unreasonable expectations like addressing reality or admitting fault which is actually ideal because if I cared to see emotionally mature community leaders converse thoughtfully I’d watch Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday not this unhinged turnpike circus.

Jackie’s rival won’t budge so she chooses the nuclear option, looks the reigning matriarch of Paterson in her vacant eyes, and declares confidently “I heard Gia snorts coke in the bathroom at parties” which stopped time on Earth as far as I’m concerned. Is this wild accusation true? Probably not. Was this retaliatory tit equal to the offending tat? Debatable. Do I blame Teresa for immediately whipping into a tailspin and storming out screaming the C-word (no Kathy Wakile, not “canoli kit”) at Jackie no less than 80 times? Girl, no I do not. Jackie has since clarified (backtracked?) that this was an analogy not a rumor she heard which... OK, and whether or not either of the atomic bombs dropped in this breakneck premiere were true, I’m excited to watch our Paterson superstars battle it out for another batshit season!

Esteemed poet laureat of Paterson, NJ.

Join me and my own rock hard nipples next week to recrap a girls trip to Lake George, more developments in the case of Jackie vs Teresa: Jersey Crime Story, and hopefully another cameo by breakout superstar Dog Catania! Please share this recrap with the prostitution whores in your life if you enjoy and follow me on Tumblr (engaged19times), Insta (@engagednineteentimes), and Twitter (@_engaged19times)! I’m recrapping weekly but I don’t get screeners (yet) and it takes me a few days to catch up so please be patient!

XO engaged19times