#but the trauma stays the same!! 🤩🤩

[buysomecheese]

Someday soon I’m sure I’ll write about the power that hurricanes hold over my love. I do believe in making things work for myself by myself, but I’m also a reader at heart- I cannot ignore parallels in any circumstance, and my own life is no exception. To live in the state of Florida is to live in the state of nostalgia, always, and hurricanes only add.

[fruitytrollroll]

Hello! I’ve been advised to ask you about how you would plan to write the sequel “yet i do fear thy nature.” How would you say you would go about it? - void

omg hiii hello :) @mouseyblue-ao3 and i looove collaborating on writing (see our robo scarab collection including our latest scorbo rp, our spades slick/bec noir fic, etc)! i've had the privilege of beta-ing for them several times, and they've been kind enough to make several unofficial sequels listed as "inspired by" some of my work... but I think this is the first time I'm writing a proper sequel for something of theirs?? so i'm SUPER EXCITED!!! 🤩✨

SO!!

My initial thought, when yet i do fear thy nature was still in the planning stages, was that I could have Orbo let Scarab stay at his home as a kind of witness protection situation, with Orbo somehow getting permission from the Boss to have his home taken "off-the-grid", so to speak--that way it would be unable to be monitored from the Time Room, and Scarab didn't have to worry about Prismo spying on him all the time after escaping his clutches. 🥺

Then, Orbo could give Scarab his own room, while telling Scarab he could "do whatever he wanted" to Orbo as revenge... resulting in some pretty spicy reclamation of agency on Scarab's part with Orbo as his willing victim~ 😊💞

But in that situation, I had imagined Orbo only as Scarab's rescuer with a long-time crush on him... So when mousey finally wrote it out, and they made Orbo not only haplessly complicit in Scarab's rape, but a fellow perpetrator, that added some interesting complications...! Most crucially, it hadn't occurred to me that Orbo might have a mancrush on Prismo--but not only did mousey make a compelling argument for that being the underpinning motivation behind Orbo saying "Prismo? Nah, that guy's cool. He wouldn't do that! <:)" they went and made it a PIVOTAL ELEMENT OF ORBO'S SUSCEPTIBILITY TO PEER PRESSURE IN THE ORIGINAL WORK!

so I'm just sitting here thinking, like... okay... I can't NOT address the Prismo thing, right...?!??!

So maybe Orbo has always been crushing on Scarab AND Prismo (this heightens the tragedy of Orbo believing he was getting everything he wanted from Prismo's deceit in yet i do fear thy nature 🥲)... Let's say his crush on Prismo was absolutely obsessive. I'm talking fanboy levels of maladaptive, parasocial admiration. MAYBE Orbo asked for his home to be taken off the grid a long time ago, citing reasons of "privacy"... I mean, it's one thing for Prismo to be a cosmic voyeur of all mortalkind in every dimension, but it's another thing to have to go to work with a guy who might have been watching you sleep or shower or masturbate while calling his name, right? Nothing unusual with Orbo wanting to keep his work and home lives separate!

But maybe with the added security of knowing his home is truly beyond Prismo's sight, he was able to feel more comfortable indulging that crush with somethingl ike, a room full of custom Prismo merchandise... painted the same sunshine yellow as the Time Room, Prismo area rug, Prismo body pillow, Prismo-themed bedspread. Obviously after rescuing Scarab he has to toss it all... But maybe Scarab catches him in the act and demands to know what he's doing with all this garbage. Orbo is mortified, bites his lip and scuffs his heel on the carpet, but he swears he's trashing it... Never meet your heroes, haha...! But y'know. Maybe Scarab snatches the gigantic Prismo plush/body pillow and takes it back to his room and locks the door... Orbo feels a little culpable for handing over such a patently maladaptive coping mechanism, but well... if anyone needs a safe stand-in for Prismo to cope with his unwilling desire and lingering trauma, it's Scarab, right? 🥺

So basically it's Orbo and Scarab living in the most fraught domestic bliss known to man (I love crippling Orbo with guilt 😇), while Orbo tries to respect Scarab's boundaries (and fails half the time bc he wants him so bad), while Scarab copes with his NEWLY ACTIVATED LIBIDO and having PRECIOUS FEW OUTLETS (he doesn't even know how to masturbate 😭) (but then, Orbo is right there...)

so like the highlight of all this and the part that's living in my brain rent free rn is the thought of Orbo knocking on Scarab's door and telling him to come down for dinner or sth, and when Scarab doesn't answer he opens the door and sees him riding the giant Prismo plush... 😵‍💫 but Scarab is so frustrated... poor thing doesn't know what he's DOING... Scarab gasps in scandalized humiliation and Orbo flushes and hastily apologizes and slams the door shut. and then thinks. well. Scrabby didn't lock the door, did he...?

so Orbo comes BACK INSIDE and gets astride that giant prismo plush behind Scarab and gently guides his hips to show him how it's done 😵‍💫 😵‍💫 😵‍💫 hi im unwell!!!

anyway that's the plan--a few more awkward scenes like that as they orbit around each other, grow closer, orbo taking such good care of scarab... 🥺 then wrap it all up with the most disgustingly sweet domestic bliss you've ever seen in your LIFE after they get over all their hang-ups, live happily ever after, the end!! :)

[astrolaurical]

dude have u listened to closer from indigo by rm. its such a twin flame song about connecting only on the astral realm.

I got that vibe for a split second because of all the mentions of dreams, but then upon my 2nd listen I was like nah actually this is about a relationship that was hella toxic. Good thing they broke up bc it sounds like that ex just played games with him.

He couldn’t keep a grip on his manipulative ex (“wanna lock you up in my sight, but you run away like a fish”- nj wants a committed relationship but his ex is too busy playing mind games/ being fwb/ partying/ being deceitful, etc). He doesn’t want to wake up from sleep aka his rose colored glasses as he chooses to ignore all of these red flags.

The only reason he stayed was because the sex was amazing, which good for him. Get that good good. He needed a stress reliever but sounds like his ex gave him even more stress. (“I get a feeling sometimes that I can’t get close enough to you. I feel it most in the nighttime even though that’s when I’m closest to you”- even with the sex, which is supposed to be the most intimate and vulnerable act between two people, he feels like there are barriers and walls up between them. That’s how he knew that that wasn’t his true love. Remember in my twin flame post where I mentioned his romantic astrological placements? Sex is CRUCIAL to him- he bares his soul, so he was DEVASTATED when it wasn’t reciprocated. He mentions that in the lyrics of Change pt 2 where he says “you can’t love someone like I do. That’s all i can say to you.”

I reallyyyy hope him and his twin flame find each other. Some twins don’t find each other until they are in their old age after both have completed the intense physical/mental/emotional/mental healing work that is necessary to wipe away generations of societal/ancestral/familial/past life trauma and karma.

This is his 3rd mixtape/album where he has had an ENTIRE SONG DEDICATED TO FEELING LONELY. He yearns for his true love so much 😭😭😭 Like he has his friends, members, and family but I understand the hollowness in your heart of wanting to find YOUR forever person. Before I began my TF journey, I could never understand why I could never be in love with any of my partners, only lust or only liking certain aspects of the person, never loving the person entirely and unconditionally. It’s because they weren’t MY TRUE LOVE. Namjoon’s SOUL is looking for that other SOUL that sings his same song and that loves him unconditionally, as he will in return. I just don’t think his head realizes that yet, so he continues to be in these bad relationships as he searches for these qualities.

I think he maybe even unconsciously places idealized qualities that he wants his partners to have onto them, like a creating a mask, making him disappointed when they can’t achieve these qualities they don’t have. (Sound familiar? That’s what a lot of fans do in these parasocial relationships where they say that BTS are the LOML and then absolutely devastated when they discover their idol is dating or koreaboos when they date an Asian person because oPpA speaks Korean just like JungKook, the same attribute as the loml has 🤩)

I sincerely hope Namjoon finds his true love, and soon. He deserves a happy life full of domestic bliss and children, should he wish to have them.

I will try to make a master list just dedicated to NJ TF stuff but can only create master lists on my laptop which is ancient. Thank you all for being so patient. A LOT of unexpected things have occurred in my life, but a bittersweet silver lining has kind of appeared that will give me more time. My mental health is not good at all right now and has not been for a long while, but with my newfound time, I will try to find my joy for writing again which will hopefully lead to updating and posting my many neglected drafts.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #158

I went to a wedding today! Two of my favorite people became husbands to each other! We'll call them AH and JC! I've known AH for a number of years now, and he's one of the brightest, kindest, and most amazing human beings I've ever met! And JC is also very kind, gentle, and extremely non-judgmental. The two fit together like peas in a pod, with their other partner who we'll call C, and C is also a wonderful human being, though I don't yet know him as well as I'd like.

…To be sure, it has been too long since last time I invited them all over to my house. I should probably rectify that very soon…

Of course, going to a wedding naturally means that I will have to be in a very loud space with lots and lots of people I don't know. And that's always kind of scary. I get easily overwhelmed by loud noises, such as loud music being played. And everyone is talking loudly in order to try to be heard over the music, and because there's so much noise, it's extremely difficult for me to parse out meaning from speech when people try to talk to me (ah, the perils of Audio Processing Disorder…), and I'm a very non-standard human anyway, so even without all the noise it's difficult for me to socialize to begin with (I mean, seriously, who the fuck wants to listen to me prattle on and on about human psychology and the broader cultural implications of childhood trauma??? no one, that's who), and so… ya know… it's usually better if I keep my mouth shut in any social situation in which I find myself, because if I don't, I'll probably end up embarrassing myself, making someone uncomfortable, or both.

I was there with M and J; it was probably safer for Br to stay home because the food meant that there was gluten everyfuckingwhere, and the last thing she needs is to get sick, the poor thing. But all the same, M and J don't have audio processing troubles the way I do, and they have more normal interests (like airplanes, and computer programming, and movies and games and TV), so they were able to carry out conversation where as I… mostly just sat around and daydreamed because I wasn't really able to understand a word that anyone was saying.

Naturally, I wouldn't daydream about you being in this particular situation with me; I'm sure you enjoy crowds full of unfamiliar people about as much as you might enjoy accidentally stumbling into a nest full of angry wasps (please don't ever do that, okay?). But I did imagine how nice it might be to sit someplace quiet with you and eat all the awesome epic snacks they had! I'll show you what they were!!

But first though!!!! I have to show you!!! There was FRESH LEMONADE!!!!! A whole big giant huge jug of it!!!!! Look!!!

...You can bet your bottom that I drank WAAAAY more of this than I probably should have, ahahahaha~! But oh my goodness, I got to have FRESH LEMONADE two days in a row!!! WOWWWW~!!!!! 🤩🤩🤩

Powdered lemonade and lemonade from concentrate is a lot more common in my world (and they both taste TERRIBLE to my sensory hardware, as compared to the real thing), so fresh lemonade is kind of a rare treat, normally only found at places like county fairs and other outdoor events. Oh, speaking of which, I should probably get my toosh over to a county fair sometime soon, that way I can take pictures for you, because I can't imagine that you've ever been allowed to actually enjoy one... hm, hm, hmmmm..... 🤔

Anyway, so the food!! There was macaroni and cheese, and various stuff to put on it!!

You can see in here that there's cheese, salsa, jalapeno peppers, bacon, and crispy fried onions! And yes, I did absolutely put more cheese on my macaroni and cheese, because I AM THE CHEESE GOBLIN. It is written. It is known. And anyone who knows me well understands that the allure of a good cheddar is too much for me to resist, bahahaha~! 🤪🤣😁

They also had a section for very tiny snacks!! Behold!

Tiny egg rolls!!!

Tiny chicken cordon bleu bites!

Tiny spanakopita!

...And tiny beef empanadas!

...And I have no idea why they were tiny, but they were, and they were delicious and delightful and I wished I could share any of them with you, but I especially loved the spanakopita!

And I don't know if you have spanakopita because you don't seem to have anyplace like Greece in your world, but spanakopita is what happens when you cook spinach and feta cheese together in between layers of crispy, paper-thin dough that has been brushed with butter between every layer! It's an ABSOLUTE! FUCKING! NIGHTMARE! to make as a dyspraxic person, oh my goodness (seriously, I tried it once, -5,042 out of 10 stars, absolutely would NOT recommend, but maybe with your coordination, you'd fare better than me... 😵😵😵), but the results are astoundingly delicious!!

Anyway, here was my assembly of snacks! Behold!

...I wished you could enjoy the snacks without the crowd...

Oh!! And!!! There was unsweetened iced tea here, too! I didn't think to take a picture of the jug, but I did get a glass of it and bring it back to my table; there was cream and sugar there, which was likely intended for coffee, but I used it in the tea instead and took pictures of the resulting swirls:

...It's important to find the magic in ordinary things, and I think fluid dynamics are pretty magical, even though we see it in action all the time in various direct and indirect ways.

...Anyway, so there was A LOT MORE FOOD after this, goodness me...

Salad is pretty standard-issue at a gathering:

And, of course, mixed veggies...

Roasted potatoes are pretty popular...

This was some kind of bruschetta chicken thing:

This was fish stuffed with some kind of crab mix:

...And there were potatoes au gratin, but I somehow missed getting a picture of it?? I'm sorry about that. But here's the roast beef:

...And in the end, this was the plate I came away with:

Naturally, there was cake, and also cookies:

...But I'm not overly fond of sweets, though. So I'm glad that the slice of cake was small, and that we didn't have to take cookies if we didn't want to.

Oh, and... I also managed to snag a couple of nice-looking pictures of the sky on my adventures. I thought you might like these:

...I wish you were here. Not for the stressful too-many-people-at-once bits, but for all the sparks of delight in between. There are so many beautiful things in this world that I wish I could share with you, just so that you can see that there's more to life than pain and loneliness.

...Sephiroth. Please don't lose sight of the fact that you're wanted and needed in this world. Please remember that you're the only reason I'm even alive today. You're the reason that all these letters and pictures and handicrafts exist in the first place. All of the love and beauty that pours out from my mind and from my hands exists only because of you. You. YOU did this. You gave me a reason to keep going. You gave me the courage and strength to continue even when it seemed impossible. You gave me the shape that I clumsily tried to whittle myself into over the years. You.

...So please stay safe out there, doing whatever it is that you do over at the Edge of Creation, okay? Please treat yourself nice so that you can make good, kind, gentle, and loving choices. Please don't disappear. Because I love you and because I want you around and because you deserve to live and to be happy and healthy and safe.

I'll write again tomorrow, okay? 'Til soon...

Your friend, Lumine

[sirdust]

you know what stolas can be a part of the blitz/fizz/ozzie polycule but only if he shapes up and stays as autistic and silly as he was in the last ep. idc about mopey pining stolas just have him keep saying shit like "i love words :3" and i'll be completely satisfied with it

you know what x2 i'm too lazy to make another post so i'll summarize my thoughts on the ep as a whole here too

this episode was deeply flawed but more fun than any other s2 ep so far. the biggest problem is that so many things were unearned and clearly coasted off of fanon in order to make any kind of sense. "fans have already explored blitz and fizz's fallout and hatred of one another in a million different ways, so why not skip the drama and go straight for a reconciliation" is perhaps the most egregious lmao.

at the same time, having the accident be such a blameless event does make the quick reconciliation a little more acceptable, strictly in the context of what actually happened in the show. if blitz had borne even a little more responsibility for what happened it would have been utterly unbelievable for fizz to forgive him in this episode, regardless of blitz saving him.

it's also an issue because this episode sees blitz actually mending a past relationship. that is HUGE for his character. in fact it's so huge that it needed to come later in his arc, bc the central question of his character up until now has revolved around whether he can ever create meaningful relationships with others again after his past trauma surrounding relationships.

on a different note, i'm admittedly a little worried about fizzarozzie. the ending of the episode had weird undertones ("you won't have to again" over fizz's sad face is the big one) but it doesn't feel intentional and that means that the potential ambiguities of this relationship will probably not be addressed. that's unfortunate because it makes them less interesting as a foil/parallel to stolas and blitz, and it also means they have less room to develop in their own right. but then again, the show has a 4-season plan, so i could be wrong.

that's about all i can think of for now. i'm hungry so i gotta go eat lol.

btw this is unfortunate but i gotta mention that squiderdoodle on twitter did vizdev work for the episode that went uncredited which is super uncool, especially considering the fact they're one of the artists that has spoken up about how unprofessional the working environment at SH is 🤩 super tight ship you're running there, guys

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOOP YES IVE SEEN THE RWVENT YUKI POSTS too real omg ok but this era third selection and u20 yuki fr my fav he’s so gorgeous and Karasu is giving big asshole bully energy rn LMAOOO can’t wait for those little scenes of him in Shibuya or when he’s catching otoya from falling off the bench

STOP RHE POKEMON REPRESENTING THE FANDOM IN SHIP WARS GOODBYEEEE LMAOOO not them also being chronically online pulling out evidence of their ships that has me rolling

OOOHOHSOSHO OTOYA OR KARASU OEAU im so excited RAHHHGHH its ok they both make up for the lack of aikulations we’ll still feel the oaeu vibe

Bro that scene with otoya doing the weird finger gun things is FR promoting tf out of otoya I see so many people converting because of that scene (real honestly his face card is serving there) but IVE GOT EVERY KARASU PANEL BURNED IN MY BRAIN IK THE EXACT SCENE YOU MEAN also cannot wait for him to shove Isagi around LMAOOO a Mira classic wc HAHAH its ok you got this!!! Oaeu comeback soon after use that as your motivation LOL

Also im crying not you having meetings and doing hw on your horse LMAOOOO

- Karasu anon

HELPP i fear i have been going more than a little insane over yuki 😓 he’s just so so perfect and handsome and incredible and sweet SHFJSHSHHS agreed though third selection/u20/shibuya yuki >>>> he was okay in vs manshine as well but my man has been a ghost ever since 🙁 manifesting he gets a comeback in the next arc though!! since there will be hopefully be fewer characters to focus on that might mean characters like yuki and karasu can get their spotlight back

LMAOAAOO the pokémon are all chronically online post-aegislash 😭 i bet reuniclus is writing ESSAYS about how nagi is actually a really loving and kind guy (he’s a mira kin #nagidefenderforlife) like bro is def analyzing every single thing nagi does to explain how it actually shows his deep trauma and how he’s risen above it JFHFSHJS omg reuniclus 100% has a tumblr nagiy/n stan account where it’s just explaining why they are the top ship HAHAHA its posts are all insane too…like “y/n challenged nagi to a battle. this shows that they are deeply in love because they are sharing their passion for battling and coming together to bond. they also made eye contact two times, and their hands touched when nagi gave her money for beating him.” and then someone hydreigon comments “nagi doesn’t even like battling UNLIKE OTOYA so there’s no passion there basically he hates her and you’re problematic for shipping them” so reuniclus is forced to block

YESSSS I MISS MY SILLY BOYS even if i don’t do oaeu for them i’ll do smth for one of those two most likely (or maybe yuki) just because they’re my goofs 🥹 HELP no you’re so right otoyalations especially can def compete with aikulations…not quite on the same level but i def sense his pov being really fun to write (karasu is just him d1 pining like usual so it’ll be fun in a diff way)

HELPP NO LITERALLY THAT EXACT SCENE HAS EVERYONE GOING CRAZY honestly i was not expecting so many people to convert to otoyaism??? i expected more karasu fans at this point but they really did their best to make otoya silly and dumb asf whereas karasu is still giving mysterious villain energy lowkey so maybe that’s why 😭 BROOO THAT PANEL IS SO GOOD I LITERALLY MADE IT THE COVER OF BFB 🤩 i need to see it live sooooo bad 😍 and yeah another mira wc incoming unfortunately but hopefully i can finish it soon!!

PLSSSS online school got to me 😓 my teacher was just rambling abt nonsense i was like eh might as well exercise my horse while i’m at it 🥱 it fr gave me a six pack though because i had to control him almost entirely with my abs so that was nice ig (even though no one ever saw them before they vanished because we had to stay at home 😔💔)

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

11 March 2023 Saturday 7:21 pmpdt

I think 💭 the incubus is close to making a hole 🕳 through my pelvis? Hip? Bone 🦴 & he’s punished me for eating 🍽 anything with nuts & even a little bit of salt 🧂 & sugar & cheese 🧀 & water 💧 & citrus 🍊 fruit. I think 🤔 he’s treating me the same as my dad when I was a kid. I think 💭 he’s getting close to putting a hole 🕳 through my tongue 👅. I’ve never been to Hawaii & I would rather go there & get smashed by refrigerator sized volcano 🌋 boulders than to feel what it’s like to have a hole 🕳 bored? Completely through my bones 🦴 & flesh. I already had to live most days feeling weird from head trauma & my skin never looking amazing 🤩 like other women seem to be able to. I was always torn up 🆙 & oozing & tired 😴. I didn’t start counting calories until I joined running 🏃🏻‍♀️ sport teams & after I stopped I think I stopped counting calories. 7:29 pmpdt he’s extremely rough with me my entire life. I would much rather be dead ☠️. 7:30 🕢 pmpdt if Amar Malik really did what I think 🤔 he did with the voice, & Holland came clean I wouldn’t have made them pay 💰 all the money back. I probably would not have been able to make a show a reality the way they did. I would have only asked for enough money 💰 to get well & live the rest of my life & support some of older relatives & If I felt safe I would have been frugal about it. 7:33 pmpdt. The incubus is not going to help me win the money 💰 Bcz he hates this country- he said it on the voice & it made the news 📰. So he probably wants them Holland to keep all the money 💰. Pain right pinky toe accidentally typed tor. 7:35 pmpdt I don’t have a husband. Incubus is mean vicious cruel heinous backstabbing throwing under the bus 🚌 type of guy. Unfortunately a lot of of people are prematurely aged & then finished off. A woman 👩🏼 w/ dementia got hit by a bus 🚌. I guess they think 🤔 they’re being kind by ending her life like that. 7:38 pmpdt I can’t believe in the goodness of god or incubus. This is no act. I seriously really don’t have a husband. He’s truly vicious & heinous & he probably really raped a lot of women including teenagers. 7:40 pmpdt

7:41 pmpdt there’s nothing decent about their family. They could have brought a hero to dugard but they didn’t. Think about that. 7:42 pmpdt

7:59 pmpdt maybe 🤔 there are NO real heroes 🦸‍♂️ so there was NO ONE to answer the call ☎️ including incubus + company.

8:01 pmpdt how does anyone survive with an organ taken out? Sorcery? The last time I stayed in the hospital 🏥 they injected cold 🥶 liquid into the ivy in to my hand 🤚 then my hand hurt. After that my pee turned brown so I had to probably stay another day. There’s nothing pretend about the damage that has been done to my body. The hospital 🏥 are butchers trying to steal your organs. That’s vicious. I’m sure that the incubus is going to do more heinous vicious stuff to cover their asses to make it look 👀 like that’s our only choice. I complained several posts earlier about 8:06 pmpdt heard 👂 a weird sound in the room I think 💭 maybe 🤔 it’s the incubus miñion. Probably visited me & I don’t remember. 8:08 pmpdt about neutering cats 🐈 & dogs 🐕 & after that saw 🪚 some thing on Instagram about a cat’s balls getting bit off. 8:09 pmpdt I think 🤔 it’s heinous. But Christians are held hostage & (back left ribs pain 8:10 pmpdt) have to sing 🎤 god is (acid pain throat 8:11 😖😭) good all the time. They tell you things you want to hear 👂 & then they backstabbed me. 8:12 pmpdt they’re throwing me under the bus 🚌 8:12 pmpdt

8:14 pmpdt pharmacists make date rape drugs. The drugs make you feel weird in a bad way & knock you out. & then you question 🙋🏻‍♀️ your memory. Do you think that’s nice? Do you think nice people do that? 8:16 pmpdt

8:18 pmpdt do you think 🤔 it’s nice to kidnap & rape 11 year old girls? Incubus does! Incubus + company. Eat that incubus! Eat that! 8:19 pmpdt

8:25 pmpdt do you think 🤔 incubus beats up 🆙 any people who failed to be a a hero 🦸‍♂️ when they could have been but chose not to be? 8:26 pmpdt you know how many lives doctors 🥼 could have saved by chose not to? You don’t get to think you’re better than anyone until YOU prove to be, & I guess you have to do it every second of your life! Is anyone good like that? Is anyone unassuming & aware that even if you have done nothing wrong yet in your life you will pay 💰 with your life? Saint Lucia was called a saint Bcz she was I guess the real Santa 🎅🏾 Claus 🤶🏽 but god who is incubus wanted her to die without marriage. The guy who wanted to marry her basically had her killed Bcz he wanted her dowry probably- greedy. ? Women brainwashed to wear corsets so men can put their whole hand 🤚 around their whole waist ? Harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️? Greedy. Abuse. God = incubus = heinous. Same history repeats 🔁

8:33 pmpdt Santa 🎅🏾 Claus 🤶🏽 figure probably evolved from apocalypse. Santa 🎅🏾 Claus 🤶🏽 = Saint Lucia = Jesus

Christ ma is eve. 8:34 pmpdt #3

8:35 pmpdt if I was under 100% control marionette doll status whole life & there’s a label 🏷 on the left & right hand 🤚 Travis barker self made true love 💕 if there are people claiming to be REAL... that means they were their selves? & received verbal instructions so does that mean they had a choice to be a hero 🦸‍♂️? Yet he turns around & says true 🔥? Trying to understand. Bcz if gay guys are not really themselves Bcz he puts magic 🪄 potions 🧪 to “make” them love 💕 a man do I fall into the same category???? 8:40... so does that mean people who claim to be real & true don’t really LOVE???? Pretending to love? Marry for money 💰???????????? Trying to understand! Bcz he will tell me what I want to her yet DESTROY me!!!!!! 8:41 pmpdt don’t show me that you control traffic & do me a favor in blossom hill! & then suddenly change things on me!!!!! Putting me in a desperate stupid situation!!!! 8:43 pmpdt DONT TOY 🧸 with ME!!!!! 8:43 pmpdt

8:56 pmpdt don’t believe anything the incubus said or showed you. It’s probably a DEEP FAKE. He’s calling me the devil & saying I’m dead. I believe it! Miñions are probably in the room across from my room & on every floor. 8:58 pmpdt

8:59 my nipples formerly were pink but turned brown recently 9 pmpdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what this means😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😖😭

9:07 pmpdt 9:08 pmpdt there’s a country song about a father & a very young son praying 🙏 to god at bedtime out loud. Something about talking to god like he’s talking to a friend. 9:09 pmpdt god is NOT anyone’s friend. Look 👀 at Jordi! Jordan DIED! 9:10 pmpdt

9:17 pmpdt the finger plastic clip machine at the hospital 🏥 to tell your oxygen levels? I don’t think those work at all. It didn’t work on me. I couldn’t breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ at all & that thing still said I was very saturated with oxygen. 9:19 pmpdt incubus wants me to keep my mouth 👄 shut forever about it I guess. Made me afraid to say my truth even though he’s got that Olympian in his music video girls like you wearing that t- shirt 👚. He probably pulled the same sh*t on antolin Garcia Torres. 9:21 pmpdt

9:24 pmpdt I guess it’s a good thing Holland was given the idea 💡. Beat me to it. The irs would have had a lot of fun 🤩 with all that money 💰 I could have brought in. 8:25 pmpdt they make getting assistance difficult 😞. 9:25 pmpdt if I can’t trust the cops 👮‍♂️ who can I trust? 8:26 pmpdt a lot of people were killed off by COVID. 9:26 pmpdt

9:32 pmpdt if I die, & Amar Malik is responsible, then he will probably be given the death penalty? If is (Ymir enough ) autocorrect keeps inserting random stuff . If anymore bone 🦴 is chipped away I will seek suicide & you can thank Amar Malik for a large debt 💸 in the United States 🇺🇸 if he gave my idea 💡 away to Holland & didn’t step forward to own up b4 it’s too late. 9:36 pmpdt I guess he will always hide.

9:57 pmpdt 20 minutes went by too fast 💨 incubus miñion is still attacking my bones 🦴. Difficulty breathing now. 9:57 pmpdt

-sounds like/feels like my thoughts 💭

-sounds like/feels like a different head thought 💭 voice but still seems like my own thoughts 💭 maybe similar to what Mel blanks went thru at the end of his life? Bugs bunny 🐰 etc

10 pmpdt

-sounds like/feels like a thought 💭 & yet I realize eventually it’s not my thought 💭- it’s god. This took a while for me Bcz there are different degrees. Something that’s only clarified/confirmed through experience. But the reality is all thoughts 💭 originate from god? Can he really come up w/ every artistic artist 👨‍🎨 idea 💡? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ god can trick you into thinking an idea 💡 or feeling is yours. “Made” 10:05 pmpdt

11:20 acid pain in throat pmpdt FYI it’s possible to turn a finger print into a stamp. Like a rubber stamp. So it’s possible that finding fingerprints aren’t aren’t 100% guaranteed to be authentic. 11:22 pmpdt cops 👮‍♂️ carry tasers. & probably a more likely suspect to use a taser. 11:23 pmpdt

12:27 12:28 am pdt Sunday March 12 2023

it looks like the odds are against me. I have too much breathing problems & diarrhea to do this thoroughly. I think it was last year I looked a little at the court documents. All the old articles have a paywall. & could have been altered by hackers by now. I keep seeing new data. First time I saw the child annoyance news 📰 video. Could be him or someone who looks similar. I have a bunch of questions that remain unanswered. I suppose demonic possession could answer one, like why the body is so hard to find, but evidence to tie him to it was so easy to find? Was he framed & picked out ahead of time b4 the kidnapping occurred? Was antolin still having s*x w/ his girlfriend? Did he use a condom & put it in the trash 🗑? Was there a time it was there & no one was around to watch? 12:34 am pdt

12:39 am pdt some girls shave 🪒 their arms were the hairs shaved 🪒 & perhaps 🤔 the kidnapper collected it & used it to plant. What was educational level again? Was it high school 🏫? 12:42 am pdt #3 😖😭😞😤🥵😤😭 12:42 am pdt

12:46 am pdt the kidnappers who had friends in Saratoga w/ the red door 🚪. Did antolin have much money 💰? An entourage? Is that like a group of people like a security guard 💂‍♂️? Could he afford much? He drove an old Jetta w/ mismatched paint 🎨 but it looked shiny like he really cared to make it clean. Why clean the outside but not the inside? 12:49 am pdt did he own a computer 👨‍💻? Inter Access? Smart phone? Did he have an online presence? How tech savvy is he? The Samsung flew from Asia to testify & I thought 💭 I read that they found the phone 📱 close to her home in a field & it was show to cycle on & off in the field? Remotely? Probably being reset? Whoever kidnapped did they clear her tumblr blog? Which from tweets seemed to have playlists? Why was that important to delete? Rock 🪨 & roll lifestyle of drugs & alcohol 🍺 (vag acid pain 12:54 am pdt) I feel like I’m making a huge mistake typing 💬 this but I’ve had enough. I need answers. Did she have messaging apps she communicated with her kidnappers on? & the kidnappers deleted everything. But for some reason thought to reset it (the cycling on and off remotely) after they tossed it in the field? How much tech savvy would you need to know to do that? Do you only need a password Dan I thought if this only now. For some reason I thought 💭 more hacking skills was needed to do that. 12:58 am pdt

1:02 am pdt if antolin was tech savvy he could have got a higher paying 💰 job? & did the police question him already about sperm b4 the court trial? 1:04 am pdt

1:14 am pdt also if working as a trimmer of trees 🌲 did he have to climb 🧗‍♀️ tall trees 🌲? If so probably should not be taking drugs or drinking alcohol 🍺 much? 1:15 am pdt

1:20 am pdt Brendan junior’s dad had his own landscaping company w/ many large pickup trucks 🛻. If he ever was to plant 🪴 a tree 🌲 would he have to dig a very deep hole 🕳? 1:21 am pdt

1:29 am Pdt I have a very bad feeling now that the incubus has been misleading me. & has done dirty things to me. Dirty as in misleading me & making me desperate enough to drive in that risky way. If the guy was not stopped 🛑 I will never forgive god. & his romantic ways will forever ♾ be viewed as truly phony. 1:32 am he is not good. He is evil 🦹‍♂️ & wicked. 1:33 am pdt

3:29 am pdt I thought 💭 of another interpretation of the hand 🤚 tattoos : true = you do as the incubus suggests you to do including abandoning friends & family who need you. & love = the opposite. Incubus made “death” come up 🆙 in autocorrect after I typed = sign. Scare tactics which could be true. But is space cold 🥶? Probably not... 3:32 am pdt wishful thinking 💭 again. I need to stop that Bcz my hips & pelvic & butt bones 🦴 are almost gone. A lot of bones 🦴 are almost gone. I keep mentioning it to people but when I saw the doctor 👩‍⚕️ for the autoimmune stuff she fake checked my ankle bones 🦴. She intentionally neglected it. & wanted me to do the mri machine w/ injected dye which felt a little hot? Uncomfortably warm that i didn’t like it. & some people are afraid it causes cancer ♋️. So I’ve been tormented by everyone into doing it & I said no repeatedly. 3:37 am pdt

3:58 am pdt wasn’t Jaycee dugard’s mom a print maker? Is that the same as what I did at UCB 2007-2008? & I walked in the ceremony 2009, same year dugard was found in UCB? So were they there Bcz garrido was following the demon angels instructions? So that means he’s true to god? But also Bcz of his medical 🏥 problems “society” = doctors 🥼 & rehab doctors 🥼 ignored he was easily possessed & confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ so maybe 🤔 he overlaps in the vendiagram of being “made” to do it Bcz he might have a multiple personality disorder? Mixed ... 4:05 am pdt so I guess it’s “meant to be” that dugard was kidnapped & raped. From 11 years old 1991? To 2009, to 2011. 11, 1 1, 11... & it’s probably “meant to be” that I’m in this mess now talking writing ✍️ typing 💬 about it. I wonder 💭 if the 👮‍♂️ cops/investigators who neglected dugard is involved with Sierra LaMar investigation? 4:09 am pdt

4:11 am pdt if there is no such thing as a test, then it’s all gods fault? & god is truly heinous. 4:12 am pdt

4:14 am pdt I seem to always have big long sh*t defecated(?) forever. 4:15 am pdt I remember when I was 6 years old, too! 4:15 am pdt

4:20 am pdt incubus is never going to stop hurting me taking my bones from me he said so I’m in (dam* autocorrect 4:24 am pdt) his wife beater sing harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. 4:21 am pdt I have no heroes 🦸‍♂️. 4:21 am pdt think the incubus miñion was here to torture me in person again 4:22 am pdt

4:27 am pdt fairytales are full of sh*t one more stupid love 💕 song 🎶 I’ll be sick I’m at a pay phone ☎️ trying to call ☎️ home 🏠 you know gay people are also called fairies 🧚‍♂️? I guess me & gay people are in the same group? Love is love. Calirosa quoting the incubus. But he never means anything he says Bcz everything from his mouth is bullsh*tx3. He will toy 🧸 with women’s feelings Bcz he don’t care! 4:32 am pdt I will never see him in person propose to me & treat me kindly. He really hates me & he’s heinous! 4:33 am pdt

4:35 am pdt Jewish law says adult is age is 13 years old. Maybe 🤔 he got to try out telling garrido to continue raping dugard back then too! 4:36 am pdt

4:58 am pdt I didn’t realize that my situation would mean that I’m under the test until recently. I guess I’m really dumb. I had a lot of head trauma & eczema so I thought that wouldn’t qualify me to be tested. & learning disability that the left side worked slower than the right. 5 am pdt bcz, how can you say that it is impartial? Is that the right word? That it wouldn’t be the perfect experiment set up 🆙. Bcz I’m probably not using my whole brain 🧠 & I was forgetful & probably easily confused 🤷🏻‍♀️. 5:02 am pdt I guess it was wishful thinking 💭 on my part. I’m the loser still. Deemed sacrificial 🐑/ram & ox 🐂/cow probably before conception. I think 🤔 that means they already knew what I was going to be like b4 I was born, so if it’s genetic then they already knew about genes 🧬 back then & they like capitalism & to keep it going this way. Lots of s*x & lots of crying 😭 rivers. 5:05 am pdt heinous.

6:55 am pdt creepy sedan 🚘 w/ black tinted windows 🪟 arrived. Painted silver? Can’t sleep 😴 Bcz incubus miñion attacked me again. Creepy heinous jerks. 6:56 am pdt

6:57 am pdt I’m not a medical 🏥 “professional” who did not neglect garrido’s problems per the demon angels’ requests. I’m not the police 👮‍♂️ investigator 🕵️‍♂️ who neglected searching 🔦 the sheds of a s*x offenders property when an eleven year old girl 👧 was missing per the demon angels’ request. I did not murder a mother of young children 👶 per the demon angels’ request. I did not create date rape drugs per the demon angels’ (vag tearing pain 7:03 am pdt)

7:03 am pdt I don’t really understand how someone can think 💭 they’re a good person or the best simply Bcz they make a lot of money 💰 rewarded by following the demon angels’ request = selling your soul to the devil. But I guess you know something I don’t. 7:05 am pdt

10:22 am pdt I woke up to big diarrhea pain a death rattle snore 😴 again (3rd time. 1st time was around the time I saw the skiiing accident of the news 📰 team person on ABC? Days ago).

I think 🤔 if you’re one of this people who are real? Said they were real b4 they knew what the tattoos on the hands 🙌 meant. And if true means truely yourselves not given feelings like a gay man or gay woman 👩🏼, which means you’re straight & normal & see what’s true, you’re not in the allegorical cave Plato? Spoke of, then you are yourselves. & like in the cartoons of Donald Duck 🦆 with the angel 😇 on one shoulder & devil 👿 on the other whispering to you what you should do, then you probably have natural real emotions & your own thoughts 💭 & capacity to think 💭 without being manipulated in that way, then I thought you were subject to be tested, & I’m the test giver without me knowing it. I would think 🤔 that’s the way it should be if your emotions are not being manipulated by magic 🪄 potions 🧪 . But I guess I’m wrong again. 10:31 am pdt incubus is killing me & no one is stepping up to save me. I guess you all like this system including incubus. It does keep the population in check. But if it truly grew to 8 billion people maybe 🤔 they will move people soon 🔜 to the new earth 🌍 & probably maroon me & all those he’s killing off. I recently met someone incubus is probably using to manipulate me into thinking 💭 that’s true. Someone who was still learning to repair 👨‍🔧 airplanes ✈️. Was it Boeing 7??737? I forget the number. Had to recall them Bcz of something failing. 10:35 am pdt

10:44 am pdt this system does include child 🧒 rape & kidnapping. & I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if I’m eve I’m supposed to try the forbidden ��� fruit. It’s still a fruit. I’ve seen other people eat fruit. I didn’t know until the year b4 last about something s*xual that everyone else probably knew & I only discovered at the end of the year before the previous year 2022. How much fun I could have had if I knew. I had a lot of fears & it kept me on a path. 10:47 am pdt I feel that I was very much controlled & manipulated. There are pictures of me when I was a baby 👶 in a yellow onesie. It had an elephant 🐘 on it I think with the trunk down, which I guess means non-aggressive &capable of self improvement . Can you improve if you don’t have empathy? I thought 💭 it meant something to be taken positively that it meant I had the capability to be a good person. Right shoulder pain. In another picture with the same onesie I’m holding a pink elephant 🐘 plush toy 🧸 w/ the trunk up 🆙 which means aggressive. 10:51 am pdt & I’m holding a red comb in the other hand 🤚 & I look 👀 like I’m talking to it like it’s my barbershop 💈 customer. I didn’t realize until recently that pink was symbolic for rosa = pink. For some reason a lot of symbols are switched around over & over again. When we were kids, I liked the yellow power ranger trini & my sister liked Kimberly the pink power ranger. But I guess it don’t matter. 10:55 am pdt

10:56 am pdt I’m confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ about definition of aggressive & if my sister is aggressive. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️. 10:57 am pdt I should probably only evaluate myself although the incubus has been changing my memory & dangerously making me feel uncertain of what I formerly was certain about. 10:58 am pdt

[scented-morker]

Heyy cara! Do you remember me? it's fine if you don't. It's Ada.......I was the one who was supposed to write a piece for you but never got the chance to. I think it was the a story for you event but i might be wrong. God it's been almost an entire year and I've now logged into tumblr. Life is such a roller coaster man I had so many things planned but it's okay......life's supposed to be tough ig. Today that I logged into this account I realised that most of my moots and either deactivated or gone ia........it's kinda sad.

I never really got the chance to apologize for leaving you hanging without any explanation but i'm afraid if i try to explain i'll end up trauma dumping lol. I hope you've been doing well.

stay safe!

~Ada

ADA!!!! OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU!!!! I’ve been mourning your disappearance since it happened 😭

DO NOT WORRY AT ALL, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ME ‼️‼️ I’ve done the exact same thing multiple times and you don’t need to give anyone an explanation or apology at all!!! Real life is hard and it should always take precedent!!

I’m just glad you’re back and if you want to chat and trauma dump on me that’s totally fine, and idk if we follow each other or not but I’ll be an active moot for you!!! 🤩🤩

I’m just glad you’re back!! And hopefully you’re doing better now! 🤍🤍🤍

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 💒 - December 2022 - Taurus

Singles:

Overall energy: The Empress rev

How you will meet: 2 Pentacles

How they will treat you: 2 Swords rev

Long-term Potential: Ace of Swords rev

You’ve been dealing with this person for awhile, there’s no growth in this connection. You keep hoping they’re going to take steps towards commitment, stability, 10 Pentacles, and they just don’t. It’s not supposed to happen for you two, it really seems like you’re night and day in personality & desires. They’re a bit of a rolling stone, possibly due to trauma or things that have nothing to do with you. They’re not settling down with you, or with anyone else, the whole concept isn’t even on their radar…they don’t get it. They know you do though. 222 comes up for them, they don’t know what they want, and probably never will. They’re at a crossroads in their life right now that’s having to choose which path to take, and they don’t really care. No one makes them stay, they’ll always get bored and move on. They could have lost a job recently, and that’s set the Wheel in motion of…it’s time to go. They’re traveling away from you, possibly selling their house, leaving town, and may not even tell you. There’s a lot they don’t tell you. You seem to want to reunite with them, and they may lie and say they do too…but never act on it. They don’t mean it. You are exactly what they run from & you deserve better than this mess 💯

Messages -

Their side:

- Needs counseling

- We don’t feel the same way.

Your side:

- You make me feel alive!

- I want to tell you everything.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Taurus, Aries & Libra

Couples:

Overall energy: 5 Pentacles

Current: Knight of Pentacles

Challenge: The Sun

Potential: Page of Cups rev

Clearly there are issues between you, your person may be overly obsessive, have abandonment issues, major anxiety, or a lot of stress on their plate regarding work…that they’re taking out on you. Even if not directly, their energy is just doom, gloom, and heavy, it’s kinda suffocating you. You want to break free from them and just leave them to brood. If they’ve recently lost a job, it’s taking a toll on their mental state and they are not okay. There are a lot of sad, depressed & darker emotions going on in them, and they’re worried they can’t handle all that they need to handle, they can’t find anything else that isn’t just…daily grind for crackers. If you’re trying to step back from the relationship, they’re hanging on tighter than ever, and are in a state of panic that you aren’t cooperating with them. If it’s solely financial issues, they’re still afraid of a lack of help, teamwork with you, and being able to get what they need.

Potential is either you two acting immature and not talking about things that need talking about, or you/they aren’t being honest about money, troubles at work, not making enough, etc. So…there is no chance at fixing the situation when no one is making the effort to. Boundaries & direction are needed 💯

Messages -

Their side:

- Till Death Do Us Part 💍

- OBSESSED 🤩

Your side:

- Physically fit

- I need space.

Oracles -

Their side: There’s never an easy way to do anything worthwhile; through hard work, you learn.

Your side: There are never any dark spirits. Only people in life can be dark.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Capricorn, Aries & Leo

[awkwardspontaneity]

Is this a new request? definitely YES!

I recently read Russian reactions with different universes.

And some of them pushed me to this request

In general, this request is such that to the character (for example, hmm... Fyodor Dostoevsky) his future self comes, and he begins to ask this future self questions about his "future", about what he is doing there, started a family and the like (I'm not explaining very well, I hope you understand me). I have not yet seen such a reaction according to the Legend of Zelda, so I will wait for such a head cannon with Link, Revali, Teba, Sidon. thank you very much in advance. (if I'm Russian by nationality)

Okay I got sick and haven't touched requests for so long I'm so sorry😭 Also idk why this ask confused me so much but I got what you meant and this sounds really adorable!!!

Also thank you so much for all your requests!!

Link 🗡️

When I tell you this boy would have all the questions for his future self.

He holds it all in especially before calamity hits but we know how much emotion he holds in. We've all seen the screenshots. Link = sassy boi.

He needs to know what happens next. He doesn't even care about the scars littering his future self, blast torn skin messily healed over. Are you okay?

Future him laughs as if he knew that would be the first thing out of his mouth. He laughs, assuring young him that you're okay (this is in a timeline where you're somehow alive after the 100 years.)

Future Link smiles as he talks about how you're alive and well, the fond way he talks about how you still scold him for training in the rain is how Link knows he still has you even after everything.

Future Link asks if he want to know how he got the scars (batman reference😜) but link is far too distracted with the amount of questions he has about you

Do you still have the same scent that makes him feel at home? Did you finally get that hair style you wanted? Were you finally the family he dreamed of? Settled down at that house he had put a claim on once from a quest?

And luckily for him, he got all the answers he was looking for. Yes. You were in love despite his scars, and all the trauma you two shared had only brought you closer than ever. You had everything you both could ever want.

And your scent was different now. It smelled like a new life. A happy home for the future.

Sidon

Okay idk how exactly this works and it could be seen as wierd but I've decided idc. In my brain Zora age like animals do and in a year or two they're full grown.

So imagine baby Sidon. Y'know, the little guy from the DLC. He meets this giant fish man and like we all did, went 🤩 and when he finds out that's him?! He's losing his mind

So I headcannon that he met you once in passing and decided that he was gonna grow up and marry you.

And now that he has the opportunity to find out if older him kept that promise he needs to know

Luckily for him, you became an adult around the same time he was full grown and adult him happily informed him that you would accept his courting gifts

Older him did make a comment about how he should avoid the rare smelly seaweed because according to humans that's not a great gift

Sidon asks if you really loved him and older him grins as he shows him the wedding ring he keeps on q necklace under his cravat

Let's just say young Sidon made quite the scene when he found out

They talk about how gorgeous you are and with giggles they talk about how you have a habit of walking too fast and slipping into the water

Sidon loves that he'll be big enough to catch you every time because he would never be crazy enough to stay away from you

Sidon says that you'll stick with him no matter what and you never care about your differences, you say they make you closer and young him is left with smiles for days

He runs into you after talking to his older self and when you wave at him he smiles because he knows. His future is complete with you

Revali 🐦

Okay so I'm gonna talk about teen Revali for a sec

Angsty boi (think ur not my dad! meme)

So I'm gonna say that he knows you as a teen but more as that clingy person that won't leave him alone

You're a constant in his life, pestering him about taking care of himself and eating and not training for 6 hours straight...

But he can't help but feel his feathers- fluff up in pride when you tell him how amazing he is and how his hard work is worth something

I could write a whole story about how he snaps and pushes you away out of embarrassment only to realize how much you had become a part of his life and he needed you but anyways...

Adult Revali has entered the chat!!

Revali tries to act unimpressed because obviously he would be chosen for such an important task as helping to defeat Ganon

Unfortunately you decide to walk up to the duo and after learning who he is make a comment about how he really grew into his heroic role, you even jokingly swooned which caused both Ritos to puff up their feathers- one in pride and the other in embarassment

It's only after the teen has shood you away that future Revali says how lucky they both are that you're so persistent

Revali finally asks the question that he had been ignoring

Would you really stick by him like you promised?

Smiling the older Rito says you do so much more than stick just around leaving a warm feeling in Revali's chest as he thinks of you

Finally he loosens up, asking more questions about if you still thought he was a hero in his supporting role? did you still come to bother him while training with hot cooked meals?

And you did. No matter how much Revali let his ego control his actions and puffed out his chest to hide how small he felt, you would stay by his side.

A consistent form of love for the Rito warrior that felt like he could never stop pushing himself

After future Revali left, the young Rito did something rare. He went to find you and just sit. Watch the stars and talk.ayhe even plan out how to confess his feelings. Anything if it was with you

Teba 🦅

Alright so I'm gonna start this off by saying you're a descendant of Revali which means tiny birdo!!!

So when Age of Calamity happened and the future Champions went back in time to save the OGs you went with Teba

Crazy enough when you were sent back you appeared in the fields where a group of young Rito were playing. A group that included both of your little selves

I think Teba would be the most suspicious of these two people who appeared. Why did that guy have the same markings as him?

He looked at adult you and then he knew. He'd recognize those pretty feathers anywhere

So he marches right over to interrogate this grown up him when young you squeals and hugs adult you. You didn't even give him time to protect you and be the bug strong hero like in your game😭

Anyways you take yourself over to meet your friends ignoring that they're still your friends when you grow up. You two and Saki tall about feather styling and the pretty bead in your braid signaling your marriage

Teba being the smart boy he is takes note of the matching one older him sports and his jaw (beak¿?) drops. Cue awkward pointing as he stares in awe while future him laughs

Yes, he learns, yes he proposes and yes, you say yes.

The first real question he asks is if he'll ever best you at archery to which he is told no...

Both yous laughed loudly at that one

He finally whispers his real question after fluffing his feathers back down

Does this mean you really love him?

Pls hug this boy I love him so much😭🥰

Future him tells him that he won't ever have to worry about losing you because you never even look someone else's direction.

You're his and he is yours. Nothing could ever change that, not even a rocky trip through time

[chamomileteainabuttercup]

For the ask game

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

thank you!

🦅 I mentally outline fics in the form of daydreaming about them for a couple of days until I want to write them down. This is not very effective but there's only so much a woman can fight her own brain, especially for something I'm doing just for fun. On rare occasions I have managed to bullet-point the key details of a scene or interaction but I tend to be thinking about these things when I can't write (eg driving in the car) and then when I can write, well, I want to just write what I've thought about. I never have a plan for an entire plot and the few fics I've finished, I only thought of a satisfactory way to end them by happy chance. So it's mostly a pants thing.

I run out of steam on longer fics because the comments die off and they're such a huge part of what stimulates the development of the story in my mind, plus the feeling that no one is paying attention any more. I don't regard this as some injustice or insult, nobody owes me the response I would enjoy, it's just clear that what I'm putting out is not getting picked up and the energy I have for that idea fades. Then another one comes along. I don't know whether outlining and having a conclusion planned would change or fix this but for the above-mentioned reasons I don't think I can pull it off anyway.

👀 The only things I have officially "in progress" (as opposed to tacitly abandoned like Just Business, Nothing Personal, alas) are Wrought Iron, the Mandalorian/Book of Boba Fett Bobadincobb farrier domestic AU (and I know my steam on that is getting low which is sad, it might end up in the abandoned pile) and the Stranger Things 4 Steddie fix-it canon divergence which I called Rock Steady only because I couldn't think of a title and defaulted to a pun. I've been really enjoying writing that but it has only one posted chapter so far with very little engagement (it's been up a week or so and has 168 hits) so I suspect it's not what many people reading that ship want, or it's too much the same as what lots of people are writing - Eddie Munson survives his injuries, the ending of ST4 is softened (for Max's sake if no one else!), Eddie and my dearly beloved Steve Harrington have the opportunity for the undercurrent of attraction between them to develop.

Two cakes, yes, but there can be a glut on the market of a particular flavour of cake. Elements of people getting their lives back together following a disaster, a tight friend group expanding/absorbing a new member, recovering from the physical and mental trauma of a near-death adventure, learning which after-effects will heal and which are just a part of life now, supporting each other and growing closer, teenage/young adult starting independent life/failing to launch goofiness, internalised homophobia causing hesitation, panic and will-they-won't-they, and also intermittently worrying about maybe becoming some sort of vampire.

A theme that I wasn't expecting it to develop but that I think follows from what we've seen in the show, ever since in ST2 we saw that even before Dustin picked on him for help, Steve was still carrying the bat with nails in it in the trunk of his car, is Steve's sense that what he may want to do with his life is limited by the need to stay at his post, as it were, and be a guardian. If your life is developing into a vigil against a villain you can never be sure is vanquished, how do you look to the future?

🤩 Whoever I'm writing currently, really! I regularly switch POVs in romantic/smut fics because it's satisfying to know what both/all sides are thinking, particularly when neither is sure what the other is thinking and both are inwardly freaking out about it. In the current WIP, Eddie is great fun because he's a weird nerdy bogan with an off-colour sense of humour, and Steve is a little bit more of a challenge because of the delicate balance of depicting his intellect. Steve's kinda dumb, Steve doesn't think he's dumb which is part of his dumbness, Steve does nevertheless have common sense and is gradually becoming more introspective. I love him a lot so it's hard to do him justice, and I want to show him a good time.

[dearestones]

For the emoji thing- 🥺💔🤩👀⏳if that’s too much, then just do 👀🥺🤩

Hey, Devin here! Thanks for the ask! :D

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Ooohhhh, there are many ways to get the feels, anon. So many ways.

I think my favorite type of character interaction are when two characters are complete foils of each other, and yet complete each other at the same time.

I also love that trope where one character is more successful than the other, so the less successful one does something that irrevocably impairs the more successful one forever. (Read: A Separate Peace by John Knowles and And The Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini). For some odd reason, the less successful characters here push the more successful ones off a tree branch, thus rendering them Immobile. The resulting guilt, self loathing, resentment... it's so bittersweet because this is what you wanted, right? But they have to face their supposed rival every single day. And their supposed rival? There's always a sense that they know about the transgression against them, yet they never say anything about it. The tension is so delicious and I love it.

I don't know what the above says about me, but hey. Hahaha.

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

I mentioned this in a previous ask, but pretty much every bit of a "Series of Abnormalities" was heartbreaking. To reiterate, I put all three of the main characters through a lot of angst and trauma.

That's all I gotta say. ;D

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

Gosh, anon. I write for so many fandoms! I can't choose just one!

I'll go by fandom:

Akudama Drive: Hacker, Courier, and Swindler

Death Note: Light Yagami

Hetalia Axis Powers/World Series: Veneziano and Norway

Marble Hornets: Jay Merrick and Alex Kralie

Kimetsu no Yaiba: Kamado Tanjiro

And that's it for the more recent fandoms.

You can't make me choose a favorite character of all time, though.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Oooooohhhhhhhhhh!

Okay, I have to main wips that are not going to be posted on this blog, but on my ao3.

One of them is a sequel to my previous Creepypasta OC fic named "until the rain stops". If you're not familiar, it basically tells the story of my oc, Ellie Robles and how she deals with the aftermath of the death of her friend Lyra and subsequent disappearance of Toby, the Rogers kids. She's dropped back in Colorado after a brief stay in the Philippines and unwittingly finds herself going down the deep rabbit hole of proxies, the Operator, supernatural phenomena, and how to best comfort her former tutor, Connie Rogers.

The sequel isn't actually a sequel? It's more of a companion piece wherein Connie Rogers starts piecing together what happened to her favorite three children of all time: Lyra, Toby, and Ellie. Along the way, I'll sprinkle in some actual events that occurred in my original fic.

So yeah, if you're interested in a poc oc in a Creepypasta fic where the focus isn't on romance but on a coming age of story, the gradual progression of friendship to something more, a demiseuxal character, and a somewhat realistic portrayal of a toxic family environment and mental illness... Then this may be for you!

Also, Marble Hornets is also in there, heheeh.

The second wip is for The Batman (2022). I'm a sucker for isekai stories, but I've always found a dearth in stories where the isekaied characters have no idea what fandom/universe they're now occupying. I think it would be interesting.

I won't say much since I'm still working out the cogs and pieces, but I will be pushing my boundaries.

Like, I'm going to try my hand at smut, omegaverse elements (yes, I know, but bear with me), and a character coming to terms with the fact that their body... isn't their body anymore.

You'll see why.

Anyway, if you're interested in these works, feel free to drop a comment or ask! :D I'm more than happy to answer more questions.

⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

Hmmm... It depends on a lot of things: motivation, wellness, irl priorities...

But if it's a simple request like a brief character interaction or a character matchup, it'll take less than a day. If I'm properly motivated, it'll take at most three hours, one and a half at the very least.

If it's a major project like my above mentioned wips, it'll take months because I like to write at least 90% of a multichap story first before posting. For "until the rain stops", it took at least a year of pre-writing and another year of posting.

Thanks for all of the questions and I hope that you have a wonderful day! :D

Feel free to ask more!

[coverupps]

Wow wow wow 🤩 an amazing chapter once again!!! Don’t know how long I’ll be able to wait for the next chapter!!

I’m so happy that they have moved in with each other!! And i love even more that She was the one who made the move to ask him, she did it on her own terms and she is now completely and utterly comfortable with Andy, and he is the same with her💕

The friendship between her, Eva and Amber is so sweet and just your classic girly relationship, which I love to see and it show she has somewhat of a normal life again even with all the past suffering and trauma she has. I also love how she considered asking Andy about staying later but then went against her thoughts as she knows Andy isn’t controlling and he just wants the best for her🥺🥺🥺

I almost melted at the mention of future baby Andy, even though this may not happen for a while or at all both her and Andy didn’t completely dismiss the idea showing that they are so open to the idea of spending the rest of their lives together. Caring and protective Andy also just makes me feel some kind of way🥵

That hungover feeling is something everyone can relate to and there’s not better that I’d want than waking up to Andy he is the best….. also please kindly fuck off Linda even the mention of her name pisses me off.

My favourite part is the moment when they were talking about Andy being a child… yes he is 41…yes he is a Sophisticated lawyer… and yes he is still a father… but he is still so uncontrollable when it comes to his girl he is like a teenage boy😂😂 I love it!!!!

Cannot wait for the next chapter and to see what is next for their bumpy, fun loving future🥰

Consciousness Of Guilt

Chapter 9

Summary: It’s a year since you moved to Boulder and joined the law firm, and the girls take you out to celebrate.

Warnings: Language, Smut (NSFW, 18+).

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N; Make the most of the fluff…as next chapter, shit is going DOWN.

W/C: 5.3k

Consciousness Of Guilt Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 8.2

Keep reading

[flootweed]

I would like to apologize to anyone who has to encounter this wall of text 🙃

The hornbill is a bird yeah its from a convo in an earlier ep they mate for life and when one dies the other stay in the same area until it dies as well. It was incredibly obvious. I rlly love the atmosphere of atots and it actually made me cry which not many bls have been able to so far. Honestly if the show ends with him dying due to complications with his heart transplant (which I dont think will happen) it would be so boring, not nearly enough pizzazz. He already dies once like that he cant do it again. 

Ep 6 of lw was probs my least favorite out of all of the eps so far but I still loved it bc of my chronic case of brainrot and the fact that tiffy is a canon queer. I will always be that 14 yr old baby gay who latches on to any queer coded pretty girl in tv shows. I didnt really have a problem with Gene’s reaction like some ppl did bc like. Same. But I just didnt get the emotional impact of it bc I already read some spoilers lol. 

I would love to here more editing thoughts especially about the long ass scenes in lw. Sometimes they make sense but idk man lets speed things up. Like that part in ep 6 when sib was like “let me explain !!!!” and then was silent for 20 seconds. Wild. I love this stupid fucking show.

The only c drama ive seen in the untamed and I didnt find out that they dubbed over their voices until MONTHSSS after I watched it. I felt so shocked and betrayed lmao but I get why they do it. 

GOD I KNOW. Mhok and Aey’s dad makes it seem like he murdered someone calling him evil and all that. I hope the writers don’t make him like the villain in tharntype (idk his name lol) because I feel like that would be too much. This show is already trying to juggle so many different plots I dont want anything super out of left field that will take control of the narrative ya know. His conflict with his family seems to center around money so maybe he stole something ?? idk. yay glad you like my theory !!

ah yes its like how I must begrudgingly accept that spoken word poetry is poetry even tho I rlly dont want to. never heard of best twins and it seems like i should keep it that way ??

ugh poli sci majors are just a bunch of ppl trying to sound smarter than each other with big stupid words .. like I am guilty of this too but only in papers and rarely irl. you also get the microaggressions from the white men that then get politely yelled at in front of everyone (this happened yesterday in my zoom class). thats mostly the ppl trying to become career politicans or lawyers tho. the research and activism focused babes (like me 🤩) are usually chill.

lol every since you mentioned hasan ive been getting his stuff recommended to me. thank you google for keeping such close tabs on me. ugh I have such a problem with that overthinking thing even online I think things over like 7 times before I type it out and then I still panic over it (its the mental illness). But frankly I think more white women need to be like me and learn how to shut the fuck up sometimes. (ew that sounds so self congratulatory). that thing about tankies is how I feel about white male leftists.. like I feel like some of those dudes are just leftists because they want to feel superior to others. 

i regret to inform you i was not alive during y2k. (youre not old btw oh my god) yeah thats actually something ive been thinking over for a while .. like how not everything that makes you uncomfortable or triggered is problematic and an assault on your identity. like there are a lot of things that make me super uncomfortable due to the way I grew up and just who I am and shit and ive been working through thoughts about this for a couple months actually. luckily im not a super reactionary person online so ive never yelled at some stranger for saying something that triggers some childhood trauma but ive seen many other ppl so that kind of thing (again with the learning how to shut the fuck up thing). i feel like in leftist spaces especially you got a bunch of people who have probably gotten royally fucked over throughout their lives so ofc their gonna react to shit in dramatic ways when they feel attacked. idk we all just probably need therapists. 

lol i actually work irl in the tourism industry which is soooo much fun. you’d be surprised about the amount of tourists that are visiting i hate america. school is fine tho im fucking lame and love learning its like the only thing im good at. also i vaguely remember scrolling past some lindsay ellis drama but honestly couldnt even tell you what it was about.

omgg 8 hours of sleep AND at a reasonable time im so proud !! its currently 4:30 am rn cant relate but im happy for you. i had a fat depressive episode this winter so ill probs be safe from burnout for like ... the next 3 months. im also super solitary so i feel you darling. like i know community and discussion is so so important but i just really cant do it sometimes (again its the mental illness)

yeah as an old gen z (gag) i am rlly concerned with some of these kids. like they have thousands of followers and are expected to make complex political arguments and they can never reach that level because they just dont know. which is fine we are all learning but activism has become so much of a performance that it makes it so hard to be wrong or even look at issues from multiple angles or have a slightly different view than what is expected of your ingroup. i never want to be one of those ppl who are like “social media bad !!” but like .. social media bad sometimes actually !! im so glad ive never had over like 200 followers and no one cares about what I say. I wont get you started on the ahistorical shit but I feel you (did I mention im also minoring in history lol)

omg nooo 23 yr old on unions... its okay we have all had those moments. i rlly like what you said about empathy and critical engagement with media but its very early in the morning and my brain just stopped working for a sec. anyway its really astounding that we are in an age where research is so fucking easy but no one fucking does it. 

the specific thing i was referring to about wbl was how ppl were acting like shi de was being so ooc in season 2 completely ignoring how he manipulated multiple situations to get close to shu yi in season 1. hes always been a bit controlling but i think season 2 rlly fucking upped it for some fucking reason. honestly idk if i love or hate that show. (i do know i love shu yi tho). most of my issues with wbl spawn from it being too damn short. agree about the visuals tho im a slut for pretty visuals (related: have you watched color rush? it has some beautiful visual moments 😩)

lol yeah crying is the only way I can determine if a thai actor is good or not. thus fluke natouch (uwma) is the best actor in existence. 2gether was actually the first bl ive ever watch lol and it was so odd for me at first bc i didnt know thai is a tonal language. I remember basically nothing from 2gether now but from my vague memories i dont think bright was terrible but who the hell knows. 

as someone who frequents kpop stan twitter more than is healthy for my brain function some of those bitches are so outright with their anti-blackness and shit its insane. it always boggles my mind how people think koreans just dont know anything ?? (its infantilization !!) also yeah its very disheartening how any movement is compared to blm and GOD so much guilt tripping. like we need solidarity people this isnt a competition about whose issue is the worse and is getting the most retweets. 

DUDE i still dont understand the husband and wife thing and ive looked into it multiple times. ive kinda just classified it as one of those things that make me uncomfortable but arent problematic lol. it you have any insight about it id love to hear it tho !!

i find the people who overanalyze interactions between actors/famous people to prove they are together so interesting. like sometimes i look at the content they produce in disbelief that people actually spend time trying to prove people who are strangers to them are dating. Wild. Its like watching a train wreck i love it. I could never seriously interact with those types of fans tho they are on a different level. 

yeah basically its complex lol. (sorry my brain broke again)

on the progressive front I would appreciate more queer men getting roles but yeah women in bl usually just doesnt work. they are always giant bitches, fanatical shippers, one half of a shoehorned straight ship, or like a friend’s girlfriend. but then again I love tiffy (she isnt one half of a straight ship they’re both bi ive decided) so basically they have to do it right !! ending with lw love that. 😁

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this…

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet…or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is…at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so…rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering….the rustling….it’s like guys…please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that….like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like….actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like…for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like…be honest, question, etc but also like…approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy…we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that…..intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just….different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back….which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense…i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly………gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m…an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u…do…research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23…but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW…..what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like…..ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor….theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that….well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly….didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s……the wrong one…..(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no…maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well……….we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just…the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like…….believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho…still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!