#but the things that make them uncomfortable are things like 'a homeless kid came to get a shower and a meal'

[just-your-average-tangerine]

Was forced to watch a truly incredible (derogatory) thing recently.

A young person on twitter, adamant that transandrophobia doesn't exist on the grounds that 'no one is killing/raping/assaulting trans men'.

Several people responded, including some linking articles about murders and assaults on trans men and a couple op-ed style pieces of trans men talking about their own experiences.

Said young person responded with "I'm not reading those its triggering and I'm a minor"

So let me see if I've got this correct, you are knowingly refuse to acknowledge reality because it's upsetting to you and then you're going to turn around and deny that very reality because you refuse to acknowledge it because it's upsetting?

[lesbianusahana]

Do not get the wrong idea… although my username and icon are lesbianusahana and I frequently talk about how gay I am I’d actually rather jump out a window on a several story tall building than come out to my family as a lesbian

[magnus-falafelking]

FIERROCHASE WEDDING SUMMARY!!!

wanna know how our special day went? here you go :)

[NOT MY FANFIC]

[MY FRIEND WROTE IT FOR TODAY]

Boston weather was always a coin toss. During the summer months, it could be gloriously warm and sunny, miserably hot and humid, or, especially during the first part of June, even chilly and rainy. Most summers on the back bay were a mixture of all these conditions, plus a splattering of dramatic thunderstorms, just to keep the grass growing. 

But today? Today was perfect. 

All day, the weather had been clear skies and a cool breeze. Even though Frey wasn’t supposed to make an appearance, Magnus couldn’t help but feel like he had something to do with the strangely favorable turn in the forecast. The sun peeked through the partly cloudy sky to dress the sides of the chase mansion in warm summer sunlight. It was beautiful. For so many years, whenever Magnus looked at this building, he’d felt like some angry god had installed a permanent storm cloud over the roof. It had always been shrouded in an aura of foreboding, always surrounded by darkness, and always made him feel a little uncomfortable. But today, with the sun shining warmly and the breeze rustling the paper streamers and handmade signs the homeless kids at the chase space had insisted on personally designing and hanging from nearly every window, even the gargoyles seemed to look a bit friendlier. 

As the sun started to set, there was a vibrant buzz of excitement on the top floor patio as friends, family, and the current residents of the Chase Space milled around in excitement and chatted about the evening’s events. The space had been done up beautifully by Samirah, Mallory, and Annabeth (who had done all the organizing, and most of the arguing about the way things should look) with help from Halfborn, Tj, and Percy (who had mostly broken up said arguments and lifted the heavy objects). It wasn’t extravagant, but there were chairs with little flower bouquets tied to them, and a little raised platform for the two of them to stand on, and Blitzen had personally arranged several extremely expensive looking potted flower arrangements for either side, so they would be framed by lilies and magnolias and roses and other flowers Magnus couldn’t remember the names of as they said their ‘I do's.’

The bedrooms on the third floor had been converted into changing rooms for the event. In the one on the south side of the house, Magnus was unfolding and refolding the paper with his vows on it as he looked out over the stunning view of the back bay. 

The day was finally here. He was finally going to marry Alex. 

In front of everyone, he was going to say a lot of things about how much he loved Alex, how much Alex meant to him, how much he needed Alex, how he would always be with Alex until the end of the world- literally.

“I think I’m gonna puke.” 

Behind him, several heads turned as Magnus gripped the edge of the railing on the little patio he was standing on. Blitzen came up behind him as he leaned over it, patting his back reassuringly as Magnus made sounds much more like someone who had eaten bad falafel than someone who was about to experience the happiest day of their life.

“Hey kid. Let’s back away from the railing before you go headfirst into the bushes. That would not be a good look on your wedding day.” Carefully, Blitzen pulled him back into the room, sitting him down in one of the available chairs and giving him some very fatherly and encouraging pats on the shoulder. He was really putting in the work Frey probably should have been there doing…

Around him, everyone was putting the finishing touches on their outfits. All perfectly tailored, of course, which Blitzen had done much preening about in the hours leading up to now. Despite their extremely varied figures, Tj, Halfborn, Hearthstone, and Blitzen were all dressed in the same suit. It was simple but elegant, a wool suit tailored to fit each of their varying frames, smooth silk shirts, a professional but understated waistcoat, and a pair of brown leather shoes to match their ties. The only differences were that Halfborn and Tj were dressed in shades of brown and green, and Hearthstone and Blitzen were wearing warmer, more sunny but not overbearingly bright colors. Halfborn was also sporting a kilt which was, apparently, the same color as Mallory’s outfit. The pair of them had insisted on matching separately, then found out about each other's request and insisted on NOT matching, then had some kind of argument that had begun with words and ended… well, still with tongues. Magnus hadn’t asked a lot of questions after that, and had just told Blitzen to make an executive decision. Seeing the amount of leg hair on display now, he wondered if Blitzen should be trusted with too many more of those, even if they DID relate to fashion.

 Magnus himself was dressed in the same suit, except his was a deep, forest green, his waistcoat was white and had some kind of a subtle metallic shine to it, and his silk shirt was a light, blush pink. 

Alex’s colors. He was happy to be wearing them.

His hair was trimmed but still longer, hanging neat and orderly around his anxious face. On the lapel of his suit, he was wearing a pin with the same symbol Alex had tattooed on his neck, the two entwined serpents, the reclaimed symbol of Loki pinned just over his heart. 

“Gettin’ cold feet, Magnus?” Halfborn was all smiles and mead-blushed cheeks, standing with one arm on the back of a chair as he worked his way through his second horn of booze this hour. He had insisted it was Norse tradition to get absolutely hammered for the entire ceremony and reception, and when no one had joined him, he’d insisted he’d carry the load alone. “Don’t drop your guts in here. It’s much more romantic if Alex gets to watch.”

Tj sighed, shaking his head as he put a hand on Halfborn’s huge shoulder and patted it a couple times. “Halfborn, I think you’ve had enough to drink until after the ceremony. Magnus is just excited, not getting cold feet. Right, Magnus?” Tj sent him a bright, confident and reassuring smile. His wedding suit was spotless, perfectly fitted and pressed with the care and attentiveness he always gave his regular uniform. For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t carrying his weapon. They were all on the property (just in case) but he looked a bit strange not having it right over his shoulder where it usually was. If it had been in his hands, he thought, Tj would look battle ready even in a wedding tuxedo. 

“Right.” Magnus’ voice was shaky. “Totally.”

All four of his wedding party exchanged a look. Each one of them took a seat, and Halfborn even set his drink down in its little stand as he half stumbled onto one of the couches and pinched his face into a decently impressive impression of a sober man.

Hearthstone sat nearest to Magnus, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze before he pulled his attention to sign to him. 

‘It’s normal to be nervous. No worries. Big day.’ He exaggerated the gesture for big with an appropriate facial expression, making it clear he understood how nervous Magnus really was. 

“I’d be nervous marrying Alex too.” Halfborn agreed. “The Argr is a bit unpredictable. He might get you up to the altar and-“ Beside him, Tj subtly kicked his leg, causing Halfborn to let out an “ouch” followed by some apologetic muttering. 

“Everyone gets nervous on their wedding day.” Blitzen agreed, looking over at Halfborn like he might want a turn. “That’s why there’s alcohol. To take the edge off the jitters. You’re fine, kid. You’ve handled way more difficult things than saying a few words.”

“The last time I said a few words about Alex I embarrassed myself in front of everyone.” Magnus leaned forward, dropping his head into his hands and making another one of those bad-falafel noises. “What if I mess up again? What if my vows suck?” His head shot up as he looked over at Hearth, eyes wide. “What if I lean in to kiss Alex and I puke into the kiss??” 

Hearthstone’s expression was a pretty clear don’t-be-ridiculous look (mixed with some disgust as he pictured a vomit-kiss unwillingly), but he still signed it out to reassure him. 

‘You will be fine. No puke in mouth. Won’t happen.’ 

“And if it does happen.” Halfborn assured him, his voice slightly slurred, “I’ll distract everyone by puking with you.”

“If anyone but Magnus throws up on these suits, I will personally drag the responsible party to Helheim and hand them over to the goddess herself.” Blitzen said coolly, eyeing halfborn with a narrowed gaze. 

Somehow, that made the tension in Magnus’ stomach settle a little. He even managed a laugh, fiddling with the paper with his vows on it again. “I’m glad you’re all here. I really didn’t know if Alex was going to agree to this or not. I bet they’re having a way easier time getting ready across the hall.” Alex was always so cool and calm and collected. Magnus was pretty sure his finance wasn’t considering which of his uncle’s expensive display vases it would be best to toss his cookies into.

“So, is it time for this then?” Halfborn patted the small, flat green box tied with a black bow he’d been entrusted with earlier that day. It was a decent size, but it looked small in halfborn’s massive hands. Inside was the gift he’d gotten for Alex for their wedding day. It wasn’t a lot, but he’d put a lot of effort into it. 

Magnus felt the butterflies that had been making his stomach their home for the last few days make a reappearance. Suppressing them must have pissed them off cause they were fluttering around his insides with a vengeance. “Y-yeah… I guess it’s probably time?”

Halfborn stood with a nod, carrying the box towards the door. “Gotcha. I’ll be delivering the package then!”

———-

Across the hall, the other wedding party was causing so much noise, it was a miracle the boys couldn’t hear it. 

“Catch it! Grab her! Don’t let her get to the door!” Furniture was overturned, pillows were torn and weapons were flying as Samirah, Alex, and Mallory chased something around the room. 

It had appeared when Alex had been checking the mirror to make sure the wedding suit was sitting right on her (for the fifteenth time in as many minutes) slithering up onto the fabric of the shoulder and whispering in her ear things nobody wanted to hear on any day, much less at their wedding. It had taken her a moment to figure out where the voice was coming from, but had spotted the tip of a little green head just over her shoulder in the mirror. 

Alex wasn’t willing to listen to bullshit any day, but especially not today. She’d grabbed and thrown the snake against a wall, the snake had hit the surface and flattened like one of those rubber sticky toys and slid down between the wall and a couch, and that had started a mess of moving things to get at it. 

“I know it’s you, mom!” Alex hissed, rolling on the floor and reaching under a chair, nearly missing grabbing the snake’s emerald green tail. “You weren’t invited! What are you doing here?”

The snake slithered over to a bookshelf, lifting up its head to peer at them. “Don’t be ridiculousss, Alexx …” the s sounds on the ends of his words were lengthened by the flicking tongue peeking out between those scaly lips, though it wasn’t clear if it was intentional or something Loki was doing for dramatic effect. “No child of mine will be married without my presenccce. I'm hurt you didn’t invite me. What have I ever done to deserve such disssregard-“ 

The snake’s speech was interrupted when a glowing spearhead sunk into the wood of the bookcase beside it, forcing Loki to dodge and slither away again. 

Samirah scowled, leaping over to retrieve her weapon and spinning around to look for where he had gone. “Nobody is humoring you today, Loki. You know exactly why you’re not welcome here.”

“Sorry, I know you’re family and all,” Mallory chimed in, her twin daggers flashing threateningly as she scanned the room for any sign of movements. “But the guest list is exclusive, and Sam and I are sort of responsible for watchin it. We’re gonna have to remove you if you don’t leave on your own.” Lighting fast, she stabbed her dagger down by a new moving lump in the carpet, nearly missing the worm. She scowled as she tried to land several more jabs in the twisting, contorting shape.

Samirah came to help Alex up off the floor as Mallory attempted to turn the rug in the room into Swiss cheese, straightening out the ruffled edges of the wedding suit. “Mallory is right, Alex. It’s our job to handle things like this. Don’t go jumping around and ruining your outfit.” As she spoke, she picked up her axe from a table beside her, throwing it as the snake came slithering out of the carpet and nearly pinning Loki to the wooden floor. The axe sunk in the old wood floorboards deep, but a few inches too far to the right, letting the snake slither away and under the door into the hallway.

“Oh Hel no.” Alex undid Sif’s garrote from her waist, making towards the door before both of the other women stopped her. 

“And just where do you think you’re goin?” Mallory asked, raising one fiery red brow at her. She and Samirah were both dressed in shades of pink, though Mallory’s pink was more of a rose red sort of color. It was a knee length dress, suited to running around a room toppling over furniture, which was pleated and patterned with a traditional Scottish plaid. The plaid pattern extended to a piece of fabric which lay up over one shoulder and went back down her back, and there was a belt cinching the whole operation in at the waist. Beneath the plaid she was wearing a plain white shirt, making her wholly more prepared looking for a fight than really anyone else Alex had seen all day. “I just said I’ll handle it. It’s only one snake, even if it is Loki.” She brandished a knife, wiggling it threateningly. “Think I can’t dissipate a little illusion magic? I swear, I just gotta catch him and you won’t need to worry for the rest of the week. I’ll send whatever piece of him came crawling up here right back where it came.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you will. I just think it’ll go faster if we all handle it together.” Alex pushed out of their hold, heading for the door. Her hands were a little sweaty as she gripped her garrote. Why was Loki here? What did he want? Did he really care that much about this stupid wedding? It was just some words they were saying, it’s not like it was anything super serious. Why had Loki decided to meddle in her life  again? She wasn’t sure, but she was 100% sure that the ceremony couldn’t go on if there was a worm wiggling around the Chase Space. No, it was definitely not okay that Loki was here. Loki was the cause of Alex’s anxiety, and Alex was going to stay anxious until she personally sent Loki back to that stupid cave. 

And anyways, it was better to be running around than sitting in this damn room counting down the minutes like she had been. Yes, definitely better to be chasing a snake that was actually your mother who is actually a mega-control-freak-shapeshifter than sitting in a stuffy old room staring at yourself in a mirror. 

Just as she put a hand on the door, Samirah pulled her back, placing herself between the exit and her sister. 

Samirah’s pink ensemble was much different than Mallory’s. Her dress was four or five shades of pink, and all layered organza. The skirt swept to the floor, and the sleeves were a sheer white lace that went all the way to her wrist, framed by loose curtains of the pink organza that fell delicately over her shoulders. With the hijab around her head, she looked a bit like an upside down rose the way the diagonal hanging layers of the dress cascaded around her form. 

Sam may have looked nice, but blocking the door was a very dangerous move. Alex had to respect it a bit, but she didn’t have to agree with it. 

“Sam, it’s my wedding day and I want to hunt a snake.” Alex’s voice was as tight as her grip on the garrote handles she was brandishing threateningly. 

“No, you want to escape dealing with your anxiety by cutting something into a million pieces.” Sam corrected, folding her lace covered arms over her chest. “And while I understand that living in Valhalla has inclined you towards such… violent forms of stress relief, I’m not allowing you to do this today. It’s a little sliver of spirit. Easily dispersed. Loki is still weak and recovering from… last time.” Samirah sighed, taking Alex by the shoulders and forcing her to sit on one of the chairs. When she had finally wrestled the garrote out of her sister’s hands and secured it back around her waist, she knelt in front of her to hold them in her own. “There’s no reason to assume he could show up in any significant form. He didn’t even change shape once, so he must be too weak to manage it. He’s just trying to get in your head and ruin your wedding. You’ve proven over and over that he has no power over you. Don’t give up that control just because you’re nervous about the wedding. Let us handle it and you just stay here and relax.”

“No trouble at all, Fierro.” Mallory assured her, finally un-wedging her knife from the floorboards. “We’ll go deal with this. You wait here and look pretty.”

Alex made some sort of sound that was probably more jaguar than frustrated human, grabbing a pillow and vaulting off the couch to chuck it full speed at the wall. “I’m not going to sit around in this room like a decoration ! If my mom wants a piece of me I’ll give her one!”

“Alex, no!” Samirah grabbed her arm, giving her a stern look. “I know you’re anxious. I promise it will be fine. Really, I swear. Please, let me handle it? And just take a few minutes to calm down, okay?” Samirah put on her best pleading expression, her hold on her arm softening. “I just… I just want you to be happy. I don’t want you to worry about anything today. Please…”

Alex didn’t know what she was feeling. Confused, angry, startled, nauseous… all the emotions were building up all at once. She felt a strange, almost uncontrollable desire to shift. Felt like her skin was itching to change, like maybe if she became something slippery enough she could slide out of this mess, or maybe change into something with a roar loud enough to quiet the buzzing that had been in her head all day. She had almost been happy to see Loki. Not because she wanted to, but because it gave her something to focus on besides how she really felt about this whole wedding situation…

Scared. 

After a long, silent stare-down, Alex crossed her arms and turned her head away, hoping she’d withdrawn fast enough to hide the way they were trembling. “Fine. Whatever. Call me when you need my help catching the slippery bastard.”

Samirah let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, nodding with the warmest smile she’d had all day. “We’ll call if we need you. Come on, Mallory.” 

————

[Song accompaniment: Wonder by Shawn Mendez]

Magnus had most often found it best to follow the rules. When his mom had been alive, she’d even accused him of being a little too well behaved sometimes, pinched his cheeks and told him he should sneak out or talk back. “Live a little, be a kid” or something like that. It wasn’t like he had a strong inclination towards the law or whatever, it was just usually easier and created less issues to do things the legal, reasonable way. 

But, his two years on the streets had taught him a lot of things, and one of those things was that sometimes, breaking the rules was sort of a necessary thing. Like when you hadn’t eaten in three days and there was nothing edible in the dumpster, so you had to swipe a sandwich from a deli. 

Or when your whole wedding party suddenly leaves your dressing room to deal with some kind of pest control emergency (since when did the Chase Space have worms?) and left you holding the box that someone else was supposed to deliver to your fiancée. 

Magnus stood awkwardly in front of Alex’s dressing room door, lifting and lowering his hand a few times. Should he leave it and run? Should he stay? Did it really matter if they saw each other a little early?

Inside the room, Alex was sitting with her feet up on the couch, knees to her chest and thoughts racing. There was too much to consider. Her eyes settled on a little ship in a bottle on the bookshelf across from her as a storm started brewing in her mind. 

Did Mangnus really want to marry her? Why were they getting married anyways? Mallory and halfborn broke up every other month and fought like crazy. What if they started fighting like that in a hundred years and wanted a divorce? 

The ship in the bottle seemed to move, swaying on the waves of Alex’s frenzied thoughts. 

Why was Loki here? Did he have some sort of plan to mess with her life again? Did he want to stop the marriage so that he could try and force her into another one like he tried to do to Samirah? Like she was almost forced to do when she took samirah’s place?

Her thoughts were so wild and all-encompassing that she didn’t notice the way her hands were shaking, didn’t notice the way her eyes were reddening. The memory of drinking out of the cup after Thrymm at her first wedding returned to her against her will. She’d been forced to do it, and the realization that the ceremony might have actually been completed made her almost as nauseatingly disgusted as the thought of sharing his backwash-wine did. She felt sick. The ship in the bottle seemed like it might capsize-

There was a knock at the door, followed by a familiar voice. 

“Uh… hey Alex. It’s me.”

The noise stopped. The sky seemed to clear. Alex blinked, wiping something wet and hot away from her eyes as she looked at the ship on the shelf. It was still.

“I know I’m not supposed to see you yet. Or uh, well, I mean you’re not supposed to see me either. but… there’s no rules about our voices, right?”

On the other side of the door, Magnus was fidgeting anxiously, rolling up onto his toes and back onto his heels like a weird little doll, bobbing back and forth in a way that would have made Alex laugh if she could have seen. “I just came to bring you your gift.”

Alex glanced towards the door, her body uncurling from its little ball before she even thought about it. Her feet moved without her direction, like Magnus was a lighthouse in her little storm guiding her safely to shore. She stopped a foot or so from the door, finding it startlingly easy to level out her voice. “You are breaking the rules, chase.” Her voice was barely shaking. She felt warm. She always felt warm around Magnus. 

Magnus felt his lips turn up into one of those stupid goofy smiles that always made Alex blush. He didn’t fight it. “Yeah well, you know, I figured you’d be way more into me if I broke a few rules.” 

Alex laughed a little. The sound was genuine, so the edges of the sound were tinged with the lingering fear that Magnus always chased away. “You’re an idiot.” 

“Ooh, careful. In a couple hours I’m going to be youridiot. Like, forever. You wouldn’t want to be married to an idiot, would you?”

“Probably not. Not unless he’s really hot. I mean, he’s gotta be really, really hot.”

Magnus’s grin got a little wider as he felt a swell of confidence. “Oh yeah? So you think I’m really really hot? Like really really really -“

“Alright chase, you’re pushing it. Three reallys? That’s crazy.” 

By now, both of them were pressed up against the door. If there hadn’t been a piece of wood between them, they would have been forehead to forehead, nose to nose. Magnus swore he could feel Alex’s breath on his cheeks if he closed his eyes. 

Alex felt completely calm. The rolling waves in her stomach had changed to a warm, bubbly feeling. Ah, right. What a dummy she’d been. Alex wasn’t marrying Magnus because someone told her to. She wasn’t marrying Magnus because he was strong or cool, or really really really hot. 

Alex wanted to marry Magnus because to her, Magnus felt like home. She’s realized recently that Magnus was warm and summery and light, and that just being near him made her feel warm and summery too. Her whole life had been a hurricane of wild misfortune and crazy happenstance, everyone and everything whipping her wildly in every direction all at once. 

But whenever Magnus was there, she knew she’d found the eye of the storm, and that was never going to change. 

“This is crazy.” The words left her lips before she could stop them, and she felt a momentary pang of guilt and fear, her eyes flicking up to the wood as if she could peer through it to see Magnus's reaction. Crap. 

“Yeah. It’s pretty crazy.” Magnus agreed, turning the box in his hands around a few times. “I mean, I never thought I’d get married. And I kind of thought if I did get married, I’d still be alive when it happened.” 

“Ghost marriages exist.” Alex ventured, her brain fried from all the emotional ups and downs. 

“Yeah, I know. We’re doing one I think.” Magnus pulled his head back from the door, reaching for the handle. “Here. This is for you.” He pulled the door open a crack, just enough to pass the box through. “Tj said I’m supposed to give you a gift before the ceremony? Halfborn was gonna bring it over but I guess we have worms…” 

As if on cue, the sound of something crashing came from downstairs, followed by the sound of a berserker shouting at the top of his lungs. 

“Must be big worms…”

Alex stepped away from the door and set the box down on a table, carefully untying the ribbon. Her hands started to shake again as she lifted the lid, carefully peeling back the tissue to see what was cradled inside. 

After a few moments of terrifying silence from both Alex and the lower levels of the house, Magnus heard the loudest, most ridiculous laugh he’d ever heard come from behind the door. For a moment it made him smile, then his smile faltered slightly when it seemed like Alex was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. “What? I did my best!”

Alex was practically rolling over what she’d found in that box. In her hands she held a little clay figurine of (she was pretty sure) an animal, only she couldn’t tell what animal it was supposed to be. It was just big enough to fit in her palm, and seemed to be some kind of cow-goat-giraffe hybrid. It had a neck that was just a bit too long, short stubby little legs that came to strangely sharp points, what appeared to be a cat’s tail, and a lump of clay that was surely supposed to be designed into some kind of face, but Alex couldn’t for the life of her see it as much more than a smushed in thumb with eye holes that was smiling at her in a comically goofy way. The worst part was the little cow-giraffe’s dorky smile kind of looked like Magnus if she squinted. She had to put the figure down in the tissue so she didn’t break it as she nearly collapsed on the floor. 

“Mag- Magnus. Please tell me-haha! T-tell me what the Helheim im looking at.”

Magnus was moping on the other side of the door, a serious pout on his face. “… you really can’t tell…?”

“Oh gods. Hahah! Go- go back to your room. Hah! Oh my gods… I’ll see you in an hour. I’m giving you the biggest goddamn kiss when it’s time.” 

Alex couldn’t stop the laughs still slipping out of her lips as she picked up and cradled the little clay figurine in her hands like it was some kind of treasure. By the sound of Magnus’ excited little trot back to his side of the hall, it seemed like they were both in much better spirits. 

————

[Song accompaniment: Electric Love by BØRNS]

It took the wedding party an hour to deal with the pest control issue, which fortunately meant they were done right on time to walk the aisle. 

Unfortunately, that also meant that Mallory was walking the aisle with some kind of ash from an explosion on the left side of her skirt, and blitzen had to do a last minute patch of hearthstone’s sleeve, which had ripped in the scuffle with the worms. The state of them had confused Magnus, but they had all insisted it didn’t matter, and hurried into their places. 

They’d definitely looked worse. At least Halfborn was still wearing his shirt.

As the sun set over the horizon, settling a halo of golden hour glow over their reception venue, the ceremony began. 

The first down the aisle was the officiant, Jack. 

It was really a good thing that most people in attendance could see through the mist, because for the few that couldn’t, he couldn’t imagine what display was replacing a self-levitating talking sword. They had briefly considered using someone else for this role, but upon being rejected, Jack had offered to MC via acapella renditions of all their favorite songs for the whole evening, and had swiftly been returned the offer of officiating. He floated quite impressively to the end of the aisle, then spun to face the crowd in a pretty show-offey flourish. Magnus figured he was probably smiling. 

Up next were the boys. Tj walked the Aisle first, proudly taking his position at the side of the groom with a way too excited look on his face. He was followed swiftly by Halfborn, but only after Mallory had cursed him out in Gaelic and taken the mead horn from his hand that he’d been trying to walk down with. 

After that it was Magnus’ turn. Gods he was terrified. Alex wasn’t even up there yet and he was terrified!

He took a deep breath, straightening his jacket and trying to settle his stomach as Blitzen and Hearthstone came up on either side of him. 

Blitzen adjusted his own jacket, giving him a wink and a confident smile. “We got you, kid. No worries.”

Hearthstone nodded on his other side, signing ‘right beside you.’ 

Arms interlocked in what had to be a cheesy way, they made their way down the aisle together. Magnus was glad for the handhold, because when he started making eye contact with people, he felt like his knees might give out. He spotted Annabeth and Percy in the crowd, his cousin waving and smiling sweetly at him. Percy looked as cool and calm as ever. How did he do that all the time?

The walk to the altar felt like it took forever. By the time they stopped, Magnus wondered if they’d missed the ceremony altogether. 

“Welcome señor! Now that the groom has arrived, it’s time for the ladies~.” 

The crowd mercifully turned their attention away from Magnus. Blitzen and Hearthstone stayed beside him, holding his hands and giving him reassuring squeezes as they watched the entrance. 

Mallory came first. She’d made a good fuss about it earlier in the day, but she seemed happy now to be filling the role of flower girl. Most of her argument had been they hadn’t needed a flower girl, and if Samirah wanted one so bad how come she didn’t throw the flower then, and of course Alex had enjoyed the little spat and not helped settle it at all by saying she didn’t care either way. In the end, Mallory had agreed to be the “best damn cailín bláthanna anyone had ever seen”, and Magnus had to admit she was doing pretty well. Although it should be said there wasn’t much to throwing flower petals. 

When Mallory joined them on the altar, Jack's blade seemed to brighten up a little more, his runes glowing a soft pink as he spoke again. “Señors and señioritas, would you please join me and rise for the presentation of Alex Fierro?”

Eager smiles filled the faces as the door to the top patio of the Chase Mansion opened, and Samirah and Alex stepped out into the light of the setting sun. 

And oh, gods, did Magnus nearly fall over. 

Alex was dressed in a suit that hugged her body in every proper way. It wasn’t like his, it was… hard to describe. The base color wasn’t too far off the green of his own suit, but it was accented with beautiful shades of pink lining some of the seams and peeking out between the folds of the suit around the neck. Where Magnus's suit had sharp, smart lines that gave him an air of masculinity, Alex’s outfit was soft curves and gentle slopes. The way it moved made it seem like Alex was switching genders with every step. Like she was glowing with the sunset and becoming one with the wind. Like the breeze tossing his hair to the side might have also subtly changed the shape of his nose. Trailing behind him and draping off the back of the coat was a long, elegant train. It was a gradient pink to white, and glittered with the adornment of several hundred tiny crystals. Each one of them glittered a different color depending on the way the light hit them, making the whole thing seem to glitter in the setting sun. It seemed to be attached to the suit jacket in several places, at the shoulders, the waist… When Alex turned to pull the train from the stairs, her silhouette was so completely feminine. The suit seemed to shift fully into a dress, and the dress seemed to curve around her body perfectly. When the train was free and Alex faced front again, the suit came back into view, and the heavy stare that Alex leveled at him combined with the full frontal focus of the suit snapped him straight in the opposite direction so hard he almost fell into Blitzen. 

For the first time, his sense of Alex’s gender was a mystery.

Blitzen steadied him, nodding appreciatively. “I know, Magnus.” He patted his pseudo-son on the back, leaving the ‘I outdid myself’ silent. 

Alex took Samirah’s arm as the door closed behind them, and the pair of them made their way towards the altar. With every step, Magnus swore he could see Alex shift and change. He was fluid, harmonious, breathtakingly beautiful. As Alex got closer he could see the little bits of makeup she’d put on, and as he came up to the altar, Magnus said a rushed prayer to his dad that he wouldn’t fall over when Blitzen and Hearthstone let him go. 

Samirah gave Alex a kiss on the cheek, whispering something in her ear and left to take her spot on the Altar. 

Blitzen stepped up to Alex first, somewhat awkwardly reaching out to take her hand and shake it. “Alright, Alex. We’re handing him off. It’s a big responsibility.”

If Alex was nervous, it didn’t show. His expression was confident and maybe a little cocky as he shook Blitzen’s hand. “Yeah, I know.” 

“You take care of him properly.”

“I will.”

“Cause if you don’t, you know we can-“

Hearthstone cleared his throat, raising one thin brow when Blitzen turned to him with a scowl. The attending audience laughed politely. “Alright, alright. I get it.” 

Hearthstone stepped down to join him, smiling and nodding once before he signed. ‘We are happy to be here. Happy for both of you.’ He turned to Magnus when he signed ‘both’. He reached out his hand towards Alex, who placed her hand in his. He guided Alex up to the altar, then carefully placed his hand in Magnus’ hand, giving them both a little squeeze before he let go. 

Magnus wasn’t sure, but he thought he might have seen hearthstone brush away a tear when he and blitz went to sit down. 

“Aaaalrighty then, let’s get to it!” Jack said happily, swaying excitedly back and forth as he started in on the ceremony. Since Jack was a minister (for some reason) ordained a long time ago, his ceremony didn’t deviate too far from the one they had attended (and ruined?) before. They each shared a drink out of the same cup of wine, Jack floated sideways and impressively delivered a proper blessing on their rings while using himself as the tool of blessing, and there even seem to be a fairly targeted break in the clouds when they took turns slipping the rings on, filled with the warmth of summer. 

“Now that someone is done showing off ,” Jack said with a sour tone as their magical halo of ring-exchanging light dimmed and the sun finally began to dip all the way down. He muttered something that made his runes glow just barely, then brightened up as he floated a little higher again. “Magnus, you may say your vows to your beloved~.”

“Right. Cool.” Magnus smiled, still holding onto Alex’s hand where Hearthstone had joined them. Should he go for the paper with just one hand? Was it okay to let go? Probably not. Best to keep holding on, right? He didn’t want to let Alex go anyways. With one hand, he dug into his pocket for the folded up paper with his vows. Then, still holding his hand, he did his best to unfold them against his leg with his one free hand, smoothing it out clumsily and nearly dropping it. 

Could Alex have let him go and helped him out? Absolutely. Was he enjoying this display of genuine awkward lovable idiocy too much to help? Absolutely. 

As he watched Magnus finally get a hold of the situation (and the paper), he couldn’t help the snort of laughter that broke out of him. He waved off Magnus’ confused look with his free hand, gesturing for him to read his vows as the crowd giggled with him. 

Was he ever going to let go of Magnus’ hand?

Absolutely not. 

“Okay, got it.” Magnus smiled sheepishly, hoping the hand Alex was holding wasn’t too clammy. He gave her an apologetic smile as he cleared his throat and glanced at the paper. 

“Alex,” the name came out a little awkward, but he smiled through it. “Ever since you came to Valhalla and garroted my head off, I was intrigued by you.” He glanced up to see if Alex was still there, then back down at the paper. 

Yep, still there. 

“You were mysterious and mesmerizing, but I wanted to know more. I wanted to know you.” The words were coming easier now, but Magnus still felt like if he looked up he might start remembering how he’d felt a few hours before, and he just really didn’t need the thought of bad falafel at this exact moment. “And… through these years we’ve been together, as I’ve come to know you…” he looked up. It mattered this time. He had to look up, and when he met Alex’s eyes, he felt like he might not even need the paper anymore. 

Still held on to it though, just in case. 

“I think I’ve finally found what I’m looking for.” He smiled, the tension leaving him. For a minute, he felt like maybe they weren’t standing on a stage in front of a bunch of people. Maybe they were somewhere alone, maybe he was just telling Alex these things in private. They were sitting at a campfire, huddled together, things were undefined but Magnus knew what he knew, what he felt, and what he needed to say. “The piece of you that makes me vow to love you and stay by your side forever. And that piece is you, Alex. Who you really are. With all your compassion, courageousness, and with everything you’ve been through, you make me admire you more every day.” He smiled, squeezing the hand he still hadn’t let go of. “I love every part of you, Alex. And I want to stay with you forever, past ragnarok.”

There was a little cheer around the crowd, as well as what seemed like some sniffling sounds emanating from Jack’s blue glowing runestones. “Couldn’t have said it better myself señor.”

Magnus glanced towards Hearth and Blitz, both of whom gave him a thumbs up. Tj patted him on the shoulder, whispering “Great job, Magnus. The hard part is over!” In his ear. 

Magnus smiled and nodded, still holding Alex’s hand like a lifeline as he shoved the paper into his pocket, missed, bent to pick it up, tried to shove it in again, missed again-

After watching him struggle, Alex sighed and shook his head, reaching out to take it. He mercifully did not release his hand, using one of his own to fold the sheet back up as the crowd laughed some more. 

“Here.” He leaned over, tucking it into Magnus’ pocket. “Try not to lose it.”

“Right.” He nodded, still grinning dumbly as Alex rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Okay Señiorita, it is officially your turn to confess your undying love for Magnus.” Jack directed, floating a little closer to Alex. 

“Cool.” Alex nudged the sword back into place with an elbow. “Personal space, please.” For the first time since coming up to the altar she looked nervous. Magnus could tell, even if Alex didn’t want him to tell. It was reassuring, feeling the way Alex’s hand trembled slightly in his own, noticing that Alex was just as eager to hold on. Alex even reached out to take the other hand too, fully facing him.

“Wait, don’t you need to-“

“I memorized it.” Alex said evenly, shrugging. “I’ve got it.” Despite her cool demeanor, her hands were trembling a little, just like his. 

She took a breath, focusing both two-toned eyes completely on Magnus and doing her best not to think about how many people were staring directly at them. “Mags.” Her lips twitched into a smile, hands squeezing his. “Beantown. Maggie.” Their audience giggled. Alex dropped her shoulders a half inch, relaxing. “I can’t believe that we’re actually getting married. Honestly, you must be a saint.” She squeezed his hands again, her eyes flickering down to them instead of Mangnus’ stupid perfect sunny face. “I’m flawed and I’m well aware. I know I can be annoying and loud and too flashy…” she trailed off, still not meeting his eyes. He squeezed her hands back, drawing her attention. He was still smiling, but his brow was creased slightly, as if he was saying “what are you talking about, dummy?” He shook his head just slightly. 

Alex felt a rush of warmth. Maybe it was a little bit of that weird Frey magic. Maybe it was just Magnus. 

She met his eyes again, and all the tension went out of her. “But, in the end, you're my person. And I’m yours, too. And while I may be kinda mean sometimes, I do love you. So much.” She nodded, seeming satisfied with her speech. “So yeah, I do.”

Behind Magnus, Halfborn’s voice broke up the sniffling and “awe”s coming from the audience. “Is that it?” 

Mallory bent down and pulled off her shoe, shooting it across the altar and beaning Halfborn in the head. Magnus didn’t even notice. 

“Relax the smile, Maggie, your face is gonna get stuck.” Alex whispered, reaching up to pinch his cheek. 

Magnus nodded, blinking back tears. His smile didn’t waver. 

“If there are no other blessings to be offered, then I will call for the end of the ceremony.” Jack said, wiggling around behind the couple on the altar like he was looking for someone to stand up, then glancing up towards the sky. When no one moved and it didn’t seem like frey was going to descend from the clouds, he bobbed up and down a couple times, glowing a little brighter. “In that case, dudes and dudettes of the assembly, I am totally thrilled to pronounce these two souls bound for life. Or uh… until the end of the world. You may now- oh.”

Alex didn’t wait to be told. As soon as they were given permission, she took a fistful of that expensive suit and swung Magnus around, dipping him dramatically and pressing their lips together. 

Magnus wasn’t sure if he was dizzy with excitement or because of how fast Alex had spun him around. He figured that was going to happen a lot from now on. 

———-

[Song accompaniment: Paper Rings/New Romantics by Taylor Swift]

The after-ceremony celebration was wild beyond expectations. Actually, it was a miracle upon miracles that no cops were called in for a noise complaint. 

It had started off relatively reasonably, with a little bit of magical mead carried over from Valhalla and a few uninvited guests (not wedding crashers really, just friends of friends), and had quickly somersaulted into what was basically an out of control house party. 

At first they were just playing music on the roof deck. People were dancing and hanging out, and there were a few volunteer valkyries running for food and drink from Valhalla (courtesy of a new catering service offered by Odin. They had gotten a discount for trying it out.) Of course there was catering from Fadlan’s Falafel as well, managed by Amir personally. Any time magnus came anywhere near him he was offering the new groom a plate of falafel. For once he wondered if he might be able to get sick of it. When some other Enherji had spotted the running Valkyries asked about where they were going, the attendance list of the wedding had started growing, and people had started looking for interesting things to do on the lower floors. 

By midnight, from the roof deck to the front lawn, there was music, drinking, and all out revelry. Even those who had abstained from the alcohol seemed to be overtaken by the mood of the celebration. There was an impromptu karaoke room set up in the study, a bowling tournament using some of Randolph’s old statues occurring in the hallway on the second floor, and since the catered food didn’t seem to be satiating them anymore, people had started raiding the kitchen of the Chase space for some kind of cooking operation. When Magnus peeked into the kitchen, he saw a lot of things going into a blender that didn’t seem like they were meant to go together, followed by several large burly guys daring each other to chug a disgustingly thick concoction. 

There were no weapons allowed, since many of the guests were Enherji and couldn’t be trusted to mix partying with violence and not end up dead over it, but there were still stick sword fights in the hallways branching out into all out Guerilla warfare. As Magnus moved from room to room defending his new wife, he noticed some of the Einherjar teaching the kids from the Chase Space how to fight, and noticed some of them were pretty good fighters.

That probably wasn’t a great sign for the future conflicts they were going to be dealing with, but whatever. Tonight was a good night. He was married. He didn’t Puke in Alex’s mouth or fall off the stage or embarrass himself, and he even got to look cool in front of the homeless kids, which was great for his ego. 

And best of all, Alex was next to him all night. The two of them were practically glued together, and Magnus was over the moon about it. He barely needed a drink of mead to start feeling drunk and giddy. They went from room to room playing games, laughing, and generally causing a bit of chaos. At one point, the play-war happening separated into the living vs the Einherjar, and he and Percy had had a very impressive sword fight in the front yard. He’d been one horn of mead in at the time, and was pretty sure he shouldn’t have been able to beat him, but Percy had taken a somewhat dramatic dive into the river after a good strike, leaving Magnus standing stunned on the bank for a few seconds before everyone exploded in applause. Alex had given him an excited reward kiss and shouted something at Annabeth as she was towing her wet boyfriend out of the river. 

Annabeth didn’t seem upset, and Magnus was pretty sure he’d seen her smiling the whole time as she’d given Percy a kiss of his own. 

It had been a few years since he’d died, and even though he’d stopped counting, he was pretty sure he was over Valhalla’s legal drinking age, or at least that he had earned it saving the world once or twice. So, after his glorious victory, he’d had a couple more drinks, offered some fighting tips to his eager (and drunk) troops, then wandered off to find somewhere to hide with Alex. 

The two of them were hiding for a few hours. No one ever figured out where, or what they had been doing, and they were extremely tight lipped, if very smiley about it, when they came back out to the party. They made a stop in the karaoke office for Magnus to do a frankly impressive performance of Taylor Switf’s ‘Lover’ to a flustered Alex sitting in a chair. He was still singing it when they headed out of the room. 

Near the end of the night the two groups of hallway fighters had called for an orderly competition, and they’d settled on a tournament of sorts on the rooftop. The chairs had been pushed aside and a circle had been marked off in the center of the space. It seemed like they were playing a game of King of the Ring, taking turns pushing eachother out of the circle and cheering excitedly when someone won. 

When Alex and Magnus had wandered up, the competitors had arranged a sort of throne for the two newlyweds to spectate the ongoing competition from. It was just a couple of chairs pushed together with the flower arrangements from the ceremony next to them and a bunch of pillows, but Magnus did kind of feel like a king every time they cheered and raised their glasses towards him. 

Alex came half wobbling over after refilling a plate full of snacks. Tossing her plate down on her seat, she planted herself directly into her new Husband’s lap with a happy wiggle.

Huh. Husband. Weird. 

“Make room, mags.” She pushed his arms and legs around a little until she was comfortably sitting sideways on his lap with her feet over the armrest, then reached over to pull the plate of food into her lap. 

“Mags?” Magnus was grinning. He'd had something to drink since they came back out. It might have been spiked? He hadn’t asked. Everything seemed kind of warm and funny. He felt a little dizzy, but he wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the smell of whatever Perfume Alex had put on. Alex seemed in a similar state. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t using the mean nicknames. Happily, he wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed. 

“Hey, I’m eating!” She elbowed him, steadying her plate of cookies and chips. “Sit still or I’ll get a proper chair.”

“Okay.” He nodded like a dummy, then rested his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. After a few minutes of shouting, a round of the competition finished, and the whole roof let out a cheer. Magnus smiled, squeezing Alex again. 

“‘Mhappy.” He muttered, his voice quiet and next to her ear. 

Alex paused, tilting her head towards him and raising a brow. “Better be.”

“Mhm.” He nodded a couple times, his chin bumping her shoulder. “Mmm.”

She offered him a piece of cookie, which he ate obediently. “Magnus.” Her voice was soft, a little slurred. 

“Mmm?” He turned to look at her, meeting her eyes and trying to focus. 

“I love you.”

The two of them sat there, staring at each other for a few moments. The air was warm, the sky lit up with stars. They were surrounded by a hundred happy people there to celebrate them. Still, the best moments of the day were ones like this. Ones where they felt completely alone, and understood each other completely without saying any words. Magnus’s big dummy smile spread across his lips, and for once, Alex’s drunk mind didn’t bother trying to hide her own in return. 

“Yeah.” Magnus nodded. “I know.”

————————————————————————

TAGS: @alex-fierro-pr-nightmare@mallory-keen-to-kill@thomas-jefferson-jr@halfbornhalfdead@lordofsummergodofrizz@deadmomclubattendee@imhotterthanallofyou@that-hijabi-loki-spawn@runest0nes@blitzen-imnot-that-short

[chromochaotic]

Reads of 2023 (so far)

I had fun doing my little write ups for the books I read in 2022 so I thought I'd do one for '23! update as of 4/19!

thoughts:

Book of Night

I got this book as a gift from a friend who I think really wanted someone else to talk about it with... 😂 So it was a very fun read! I've heard mixed things about this author, haha, but I do agree that she's SO GOOD at setting a scene—the same friend called her "the queen of ambiance." I think that extends to getting into her characters' heads, too, like she makes the psychology behind the characters' actions another very interesting part of the story.

I think I, personally, found the constant bad fortune raining down on the main character a little overwhelming. It does help emphasize what a survivor Charlie is, but it's interesting comparing it to something like Ninth House, where the MC is both a survivor but also someone who can put her trust in others & has moments of friendship, bonding, and protection to offset some of the doom and gloom.

Still, I was really into the emotional beats of the story... Holly Black had a few lines about longing for someone who's in front of you as if they're already gone that, like, oof. The characters really do shine in their moments (I esp. loved Balthazar and Odette, haha). Plus the prestige reveals of some of the cons that Charlie pulled off? Chef's kiss. (retroactively rating this based solely on my personal enjoyment: 3.5/5)

Ninth House

I already know I love this author's recent stuff, so it was exciting seeing how she handled a more modern setting and tone! One thing I appreciated was how she tackled themes on privilege in a way that felt more nuanced—like, the way magic in this world is just another form of power over others really came across, from a lot of different angles.

There were a few parts where it felt like the author (and editor) knew the setting and world so well, that they might have forgotten the reader is coming into this completely blind, and some of the logical leaps in mystery-solving feel sort of abrupt, haha. (Spoilers) I was also a little disappointed that the "big" mystery and "little" mystery of the story were only like, tangentially related?

But honestly, this world-building was a treat. I actively wanted to be where the characters were, exploring weird rituals and old libraries with them. I think having a main character who's an outsider the way Alex is, makes the dark academia more accessible—I would have been pretty uncomfortable if the story started out from Darlington's perspective right at the start. Also, like I said before, I appreciated the bonds that are featured in this story—Alex's scenes with Mercy and Dawes were maybe my favorite parts to read. (4/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters

Still working my way through these via B&N audio book credits! My thoughts are pretty much the same as the first book—cute story, lots of fun antics and adaptations of old myths for a younger crowd.

Not too much to complain about with this story, since it does what it sets out to do. I guess, there are some parts that didn't age great... There's a character who starts the story homeless and there's one tiny line about that being "good" for him, but that's me like digging for issues.

I will say, I liked how this book added some depth that we didn't get in book 1, with the idea of Hermes wanting to redeem his kid, and Clarisse getting a moment to shine. I'm probably overly-biased toward liking Clarisse, but, let her have her own book! Let her be the key to the whole story! It's what she deserves.

Working my way through Ninth House book 2 right now, and then I think the next TLT book, and maybe a lighter art book somewhere in between. 😅 Done w/ Hellbent & did two art books, one of which was especially short! lmao (3/5)

Hell Bent

On the plus side, this sequel felt like it didn't have to spend as much time on setup as the first book, and got to just dive into the juicy cliffhanger from Ninth House. The strong points are just like before—the captivating setting and shifting relationships between the characters.

Like with the first one, something about the pacing felt rushed now and then. Maybe I've forgotten how action-packed college was! I was also thinking about how like, even though I'm enjoying these stories, the cast of characters won't stick with me quite like the gang from SoC did. That's probably just an effect of SoC being a much more ensemble-based story, while Alex has to "carry" a lot more of this on her own...

So a lot rides on Alex as a character, I guess, and... it's hard to pin down if I like her, honestly! I definitely sympathize with her, and appreciate how the author explores questions around justice and... power dynamics (?) through her. I ATE UP the backstory we got of Dawes, Turner, and Tripp, though—would've loved even more of them getting to shine, instead of it seeming like they were sort of useless. Ohh, the last thing I'll say is, the imagery set up right at the end, between Alex and Darlington? MMMMM chef's KISS (3.5/5)

Chris Schweizer's Drawings & Other Art 2017 - 2021

I'm trying to piece together my thoughts on this art book, other than being intimidated out of my mind by this guy's life and knowledge and skill. Haha. I bought this last year at Dragon Con; I always like seeing what this artist has at his booth, and really love his sense of design. It was cool trying to pick out patterns in how he handles different things, like textures and facial features.

All this book was meant to be was a collection of art... But I would be super interested in something that was more of a deep-dive on a single piece he did, like seeing what references he uses, maybe notes on how he chooses what to simplify and what to render in detail. I guess that's probably on his socials...?

Anyway, I want to like, shrivel up and die with envy over every technique he's honed to perfection, but like... really I just gotta get back into practice! (he's also apparently a huge history buff, and great musician, and I'm just like........... how...... but maybe I could be that way in a decade or two, who knows) (4/5)

Naomi Vandoren's Light through the Pages

Another art book from dragon con! This one was shorter than Chris', but still a nice read. Naomi's work and little write-ups are very soothing to just page through. Since this was the 2020-based collection of art (I also bought the one for 2021, which I'll probably read soon...), it was interesting to read the page about staying inspired in the midst of the ol' Panny Devito.

Again, this book was just meant to be a selection of pieces, and did its job... I'd always like more process exploration, though, haha—I was sort of surprised at how much of this book was just finished pieces. It also kind of felt a little too advertise-y to me.

In any case, love this artist's work, especially her color palettes and way of doing backgrounds/landscapes. Oh, to have the patience to do watercolors... (3/5)

Nona the Ninth

Back at it again with the most heart-breakingly romantic necromancers alive (and dead). I think what I love most about this series and this particular installment is how well it captures that haunting, ephemeral feeling of old, old tragedies and ancient, powerful beings that are still human. I keep thinking of the moment Nona is so gratefully happy to be alive because of the magnanimous love she has for her family, while hunched in the ruins of a decaying city on a polluted, arid planet... and the slow horror of reading the John chapters.

I think my toothpick-sized bone to pick with the series is still the show-don't-tell balance—I heard NtN's simplicity (in the beginning) was possibly due to feedback that the first 2 installments were too hard to follow. I almost ended up thinking this veered too much in the other direction, until the last few chapters hit and everything goes off the rails again. I don't know, they're wild books, and in the end I've enjoyed that aspect of them... plus, there's such a perfect curl of dread whenever you spot an offhand detail that doesn't sit quite right so now you have to Think About it. But also, I'm So Tired All The Time, and when I finally have time to read, I know I'm missing things but just don't have the energy to go back and forth checking details and looking up meta analysis. There's something to be said for books that you don't have to be experienced with graduate level research to enjoy, haha.

Still, these are for sure going to end up being some of my favorite reads. I was wrong before, what I actually love most about the series are the characters. Nona is so right for finding every little mannerism of her friends endearing—I love every little no-nonsense bit of affection from Camilla and humble, brilliant quip from Palamedes, and freaky twin love hate Thing between Corona and Ianthe, and Gideon, Gideon with the "get in line, thou big slut." Queen. King. Perfection. Adoration. I'm a Gideon apologist I guess, oops. (5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titan's Curse

lmao after that long review... Another PJO down! The cross-country/sea travel in each of these is a delight, I'm glad that's stayed consistent. I've actually been to some of the places in this one, like the Smithsonian and Hoover Dam, although we didn't do the whole tour there and now I want to.

My only baby complaint this time is I feel like Dionysus gets done so dirty... It's a creative take, I guess, compared to the more recent trend of making him Chaotic Good Wine Uncle, but stillllllll. On the upside, Apollo in this book? I yelled at his "wait I feel a haiku coming on". King.

I'm kind of excited to see where the author goes with whether or not Percy will be able to forgive/empathize with Luke in the end. The author's done a good job making Percy just a good ol all-american teenage boy, and the jealousy he feels when it comes to Annabeth and Luke, in a normal rom-com, seems like it would just result in some epic feel-good victory for Percy... I'm hoping things go a little differently with this. Also, I was a sucker for the bit with Zoe and the constellation. (3/5)

McMullen Circle

Picked up this book from one of those "blind date with a book" shelves at a cute store in Asheville. The blurb described it as a collection of short stories, set in the late 60s, and "boarding school in the North Georgia Mountains", and I was sold. It turned out a little different than expected... I enjoyed the nature-focused writing, which was very serene and bittersweet. The variety of stories and straightforward way they handle each character's flaws was also refreshing, in a way. There're no perfect characters in this, but that's kind of the point.

I was a little disappointed the collection wasn't the romantic little mix of Appalachia and Dark Academia I was hoping for, but that's more the blind-date-blurb's fault. The only other thing that kind of skeeved me out was that sexuality only got portrayed negatively, and that happens right out of the gate in the first short story, but it only comes up briefly after that.

My favorite piece was "Twilight Song"—literally broke into tears at the final few lines. It's about an elderly lesbian couple caring for each other in their old age, and how they got through dark times to have a sweet life together. A few stories touch on other hardships, like poverty, PTSD, and racism, and always handle it in a way that feels pretty sensitive. (4/5)

Taking a break for work and fanfic for a bit now, I think.

Manywhere

Trying to come up with a good Positive-Negative-Positive sandwich... except I didn't particularly like this one. It was another short story collection, and it focused on queer characters generally in the US south, but only the first one really compelled me thematically. It examined the relationship between presentation and privacy and packed a lot dynamism in that short format.

Most of the stories just felt repetitive, though, even with all the variety in setting and character—like generally dour, mean-spirited takes on people's character, and I probably sound naive in that, but hey this is my review and I am quite unfortunately an optimist at heart. I'm not one to dismiss unpleasant stories outright, but so many of the chapters seemed to make pain and regret and rejection the whole point.

Thinking about it a little more, I guess it could lead to some interesting discussion of the desperation for acceptance that comes with being queer in the communities the book focused on. And I'll give it to the author, again, for including some well-researched, incredible variety in terms of characters and setting. Gave this book away to a friend who might have more skill at parsing meaning from it, and we'll see if that leads to a change of heart on my side. (2/5)

American Born Chinese

I first read this when I bought it back in... high school? This impulse re-read happened after seeing the trailer for a show coming out based on the story (and also, right after the EEAAO Oscars sweep). I've aged out of the target audience, haha, but I still like the balance the author strikes between complex storytelling/themes, and an appealing simplicity.

It'll be interesting to see how the story is adapted... Some of the stereotypes the book tackles were so intentionally offensive, I could totally see the satire being misunderstood if it's not handled carefully.

Anyway, nothing bad to say about this one! Like the other YA stuff I'm reading, it's stood the test of time for a reason. Plus, you can tell how personal this story is to the author, and it means a lot that he's shared it with the world in this way. (4/5, but just bc the YA simplicity keeps it from 5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth

Still chugging through these... Same pros and cons as before! I do feel like, as the tone gets darker with each of these, the quirky modern twists (Dedalus using a laptop! Sphinxes giving standardized tests!) make the serious moments a little too stark, haha. Like, geez, the stuff with Pan was... sure something.

This book did some odd stuff with the romance plot(s)... It felt to me like Annabeth was done dirty for the sake of keeping Percy/the character dynamics clean. Nothing worse than other YA stories from this time, but, maybe typical of it. Also, while all the PJO books break that Pixar rule of "coincidence can get you into trouble but not out of it" (and again, for this genre it's fine), this installment felt like the worst culprit of it so far.

I did enjoy keeping tabs on my fav characters, though. I've ofc added Nico to my roster of poor little meow meow boys, balancing out Clarisse being added to my Angry Power Fantasy Daughters, and each of them got scenes I really enjoyed this time around. Also, props to these stories for pulling out mythical monsters that seem like very deep cuts—the series started with references I mostly caught, like harpies and the fates, but now we're getting to telekhinese (???) and empusai...?? Hell yeah! (3/5)

Anyway. Thought it'd be fun to note, too, that I caught up on The Lackadaisy Cats comic at this point, which has been a delight. Very tempted to buy some sort of art book or patreon tier, bc that style is to die for.

continued in a part 2 post... to be linked?

[newnoirstories]

Mia Larkin, Sci-Fi Detective (Sequel)

"Savate"

Chapter I

Mia Larkin awoke in the back of her sedan, as usual, to find that she was wearing red high heels, fancy ones too. With no idea how she got them, and finding shoes generally uncomfortable, she decided to give them to the first homeless woman she could find, which, given the crisis, did not take very long.

Just after giving the shoes to a rather bewildered homeless woman, she was met by Shoegaze, who said he must speak to her urgently.

Returning to her sedan, Mia, having known Shoegaze for years, invited him inside.

"What do you need, Shoegaze?"

"It's about the scotch you gave me. It's no ordinary scotch."

"Doesn't matter. I didn't drink any of it."

"That's not it, it's the bottle that's the problem. Been homeless for eight years because of it."

"You mean because you drink?"

"No, I drank when I was young too. I was homeless just one day, the first day after I got kicked out by the landlady. Well, I met this other homeless guy. Paul was his name, second name I don't know, but anyways, he gives me that very bottle of scotch, then laughs. 'The bottle's a curse, Shoe. I gotcha.' He says I was gonna stay homeless, 'cause anyone with that bottle had to do the same thing forever. I laughed then, but I ain't laughin' now, so whatever you was doin' when you give me the bottle, you gotta keep doin' a long time, maybe forever."

"Well, I was actually solvin' a murder case, I guess."

"Solve it right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then you're gonna keep doin' that who knows how long?"

"But c'mon, Old Shoe, if this bottle curses you, why didn't you throw it away eight years ago?"

"I tried, Mia. Lots of times, but the thing finds me over and over. Don't ask me how, but I know it's the same one. You look close at it, part of the label is written backward, the part where it says the alcohol content, right here."

Sure enough, Mia saw the backward writing on the label, but she still was not sure what to make of this odd tale.

"I warned ya. Take care of yourself now."

On ambled old Shoegaze, to another alley or junkyard, most likely. But then again, Mia thought to herself, maybe he was right. Who was she to call anyone else crazy, since they were always saying that about her too?

Chapter II

The next day brought rain, so a contented look was on Mia's face. She was lucky, she thought: She could make art with just a phone. There was a time, she knew, when nobody could record sound at all, let alone so easily.

In her Johnny Thunders t-shirt, with pants from a men's clothing store, true to form, with boxers on the outside of them, Larkin drifted in and out of sleep, letting her cellular telephone do the work. Somewhere in her dreams, high school came to mind. She awoke reaching for the bleach blonde Marilyn Monroe hair she had back then, but laughed: She had forgotten that, on a whim the other day, she had given herself a buzz cut, just to get the hair out of her eyes for a while.

Still, she thought of school. That was her retro time. Everything was from the fifties for her. That was just back from lockdown, so maybe that was why, but thinking of those days made Mia sad, in a way. She liked the library, but it was too crowded, never time alone. But then, she wanted a friend, just one friend who "got" her, and none of those kids ever did.

"Can I get in your car? My books are getting all wet," said an unfamiliar voice.

Glancing over to the sidewalk, she saw a young woman about her age, who would have looked preppy except that her clothes, though on the fancy side, were crisscross, mismatched, missing buttons. Mia wasn't sure, but she thought the girl's shirt might be inside out.

But as the young woman said, she was carrying some books, not unlike those from the very library of which Mia had been thinking, and she seemed to have some kind of tablet computer too, and the rain had become torrential.

Letting the bookish woman into her sedan, Mia watched her curiously. The woman, who introduced herself as Paula Newell, treated her books, and her tablet computer too, as if they were her pets or her babies, even talking to them.

"You didn't get too wet, did you?" Paula asked of one book.

Mia made up her mind that instant: Paula was her kind of people.

Chapter III

"That computer thing. Can't you just use a phone?" asked Mia.

"Oh, a phone isn't big enough. This isn't an ordinary computer. It's the meta-unifier."

"That a brand?"

"No, it's like a physics unifying theory, but it's a bit stranger than that. I try to join bookclubs but they all think I'm a witch or something. I use lines that I make with this digital pen, and they correspond with numbers, which correspond with words, which correspond with locations. There are no spells or anything, but it's kind of like divination, except it can, at least in theory, change the past too."

"Show me."

"You haven't told me your name, right?"

"It's…"

"No! Don't tell me! I can find it."

Paula made a series of straight lines in different directions, then switched to an onscreen keyboard of numbers, some of which were Roman numerals.

"You are Mia Larkin."

"How the…"

"Space, time, words… they're all interconnected. My uncle Joey really started the work on all of this. It's not like heredity or anything. He was an uncle by Marriage, but anyway, back then, they said he was insane, and put him in halfway houses and similar places, where they wouldn't let him do his experiments, so he left the knowledge to me, and I finally made it work about a year ago. It hasn't been wrong yet."

A sudden thought occurred to Mia, "Could it find murderers?"

Chapter IV

"Find them? Like, they're location?"

"Yeah. What do you want to know?"

"Who is the nearest murderer who hasn't been caught yet?"

"Geographically nearest?"

"Yes."

Typing what Mia had said in Latin, then making combinations of straight lines, followed by numerical codes, Paula obtained a result.

"That's him: Adam Klein."

"I don't suppose it knows addresses?"

Mia had underestimated the peculiar tablet: Within fifteen seconds, Paula was reading Klein's address, complete with a zip code.

"Oh, just one thing," Paula added, "Whatever you do, don't tell the government about the meta-unifier."

"Oh, honey, trust me that I don't trust any government. I'm not political or anything. To be that I would have to trust the government, or be an anarchist, but then I'd have to trust the anarchists!"

The two oddballs chuckled.

Paula slept in the front seats of the brown sedan that night, while, still with her one-eyed teddy bear, Mia slept in the back. When Mia awoke, Paula was gone. Had it all been a dream? But no, here came Paula, books and tablet and all.

"Sorry to run out on you, but I wanted to fix myself up a little."

"Wow. You look great, even if your shirt is inside out again."

Paula's hair reminded Mia of some of the fifties movie stars she loved, and with her usual lack of inhibitions, Mia very openly inhaled its aroma, to which Paula did not bat an eye.

"What shampoo do you use? Smells great," commented Mia.

"I don't know. Just something generic. Saves money."

Chapter V

Though the rainy weather seemed appropriate for confronting a murderer, especially with Shoegaze's prophecy, it seemed, fulfilled, once again, Mia regretted that she had to interrupt her ambient rain art.

Paula, at Mia's insistence, stayed in the car as a lookout.

"I've done this before, plus I always lived kind of a dangerous life," explained Mia, "I don't want you getting hurt. Keep your head down too."

Mia Larkin did not feel subtle that day, but she still had a plan. Pretending to be after blackmail money, Mia went right up to Adam Klein's front door, rang the doorbell, and suggested, with a sly smile, that they discuss "recent violence" inside rather than where passersby might overhear them.

Mia knew she was taking a risk, and having trained in Karate in the past, she fully expected to have to use it, but to her surprise, Adam, the picture of somber respectability, looking, to Mia, like a depressed Mr. Rogers, slowly and sorrowfully explained what had happened.

The name of the victim was already known to Mia, again with credit to Paula's meta-unifier, but Larkin knew nothing of the motive or background of the case.

"Yes, young lady, I am guilty, if that is guilt. I shot Oran Hall to death, and I would do it again. My wife and I cannot afford blackmail, but she is innocent. Let the police take me."

Klein seemed sincere. Larkin looked hard in his eyes, and she knew he was telling the truth. Mia then revealed that she had never wanted money, but simply had no other way to broach the subject of Hall's death.

"Hall and I went to college together. That's where I met Marian, my wife. Well, Oran Hall wanted her too, but she chose me, and for fifteen years, he stalked us, especially Marian. You might wonder why I didn't go to the police. Hall was too smart for that. He would follow her around for just long enough to scare us, then stop before I could get a restraining order or anything of the kind. Here, look at this. Open the drawer yourself if you don't trust me."

In a kitchen drawer were a series of photographs of a woman, some of the back of her head, possibly as a threat.

"That's my wife. Hall sent me those, but not all at once. Maybe one a year. He said he would never stop until Marian was his. Finally, a week ago, I decided to put an end to it. If the police want to know, the weapon is in the drawer just beneath these photos."

Mia opened that drawer and, putting on gloves, picked up the gun.

"Careful with that…" warned Adam.

"Don't worry. My uncle, the hunting and fishing type, taught me these things," Mia replied.

"I told Marian to leave town for a while, afraid the police would blame her too. Can you imagine if you had a loved one, or even that friend of yours in the car, and some nut threatened her that way?" said Adam, pointing out a window at Paula, who, much against Mia's instructions, was watching them quite conspicuously. Mia rolled her eyes at this.

"Paula. She's some nut, but yeah, if anyone threatened her sweet head I would kill them too. Adam, we'll just say Oran Hall died by accident."

Without another word, Mia walked out of Adam Klein's home and into the rain, got in the back seat of her sedan, and off Paula drove to parts unknown.

[dallasareaopinion]

Unhoused versus homeless, words do matter and secondly a completely different topic on life.

This combination post shouldn’t go together, but both thoughts filled my brain this morning.

First I do not like the word unhoused. It sugar coats a major problem in this country in there are way too many homeless. Homeless may sound stark to some people, but the problem is stark. It needs to slap people in the face. People do not like feeling uncomfortable, yet we need to make people feel uncomfortable so they know the reality facing homeless people. So many times we allow ourselves to let homeless people be out of sight so they are out of our minds. This needs to change.

Do I have some magic answer? No and as part of my ongoing platform efforts I will try and add some ideas. I have posted about the homeless before even touching on some public policy. We need something. And homeless like Latinos are a much larger variety of a group of people than the labels suggest. People are homeless for a variety of reasons so there is no one solution to homelessness. Which means there are no easy solutions to address this problem.  

Yet for now I wanted to state words do matter and saying unhoused is just too woke. I certainly understand wanting to give people dignity and it is especially important to give dignity to those who are struggling, yet saying unhoused instead of homeless to me just doesn’t accomplish this goal. Recognizing them as people first and foremost and going to meet them in their situation to so they can tell you what they need shows much more dignity to them than changing descriptive words. We need to see them for who they are, not hide behind pleasantries.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And strange but true in thinking about life, I made one of those so profound to me, but probably everybody else has thought of it too thoughts. Yes life should be fun.

I have made tons of mistakes, either I or my family has had to crawl out of self inflicted wounds or sometimes the wounds came from other sources. No matter the reason or cause somehow or another we have survived and throughout it all I have to say I and my family have had tons of fun. I stress, I worry, I fret, I have no idea what to do, but at some point we found a way to just have fun no matter how bad we thought we were having it.

Also it shouldn’t matter if you believe in a creator or other higher power or you are just secular. You need to make sure you have fun in life. Because no matter which way you believe, life is too short as the saying goes. And fun can be different for different people, but whatever it is, make sure you enjoy it as much as possible. Some days may be all work, but that is okay because when you can relax and let your hair down it makes it all the more enjoyable.

I struggle with people who work all the time or think they must suffer. There is enough suffering, stress and things you have to do not to enjoy as much time as possible. And if their only goal is to work for money, that is sad.

There is so much to do. Anywhere from the proverbial gone fishing to the highly charged adventure life. I fall somewhere in between overall, yet many times fun has just been laughing with the better half and the kids maybe driving somewhere or eating out or all of us just sitting at the dinner table long after we finished eating. All the kids played sports at various levels and had other school competitions and those were fun also. I do not know how many Saturday mornings were spent on a field, gym auditorium, cafeteria or somewhere else yelling and screaming or trying to be quiet for the academic events, yet we all enjoyed cheering each other on. Or the Sundays we spent teaching faith formation and the kids either having to go and giving us grief since they went to parochial school or finding ways to get out of taking a class that year. Weekends were always extremely busy as the kids grew up, but would never change a moment. Sure our garage was never the cleanest, can’t say house since the better half may read, lol, but did it really matter. Actually cleaning the house was a family project and everyone had their weekly or alternating daily chores. Most of the time it got done so why worry when it didn’t. People take some things too seriously.

And yes summers were just as busy even though school was out. The kids had their activities or played or were running around with friends while the two so called adults worked. One of the grandparents always stayed with us during the summer to be home while we worked which added to the things to do. Grandparents always need to be running errands or needing special things of their own which means Mom or Dad is driving around until 8 or 9 at night. Yet nothing slowed us down when it came to enjoying the day. Or taking the grandparent along for the infamous family vacation always added to madness that we laugh about until this day. And with any family sometimes you can say three words and everyone laughs, but the one who stuck their foot in their mouth at the moment. Somethings are just etched into the family dynamic.

Find something you enjoy and make it a hobby or a treat. Do not waste this life beating yourself up that things aren’t getting done or you haven’t accomplished what you want in life. I am much older now and am at least still trying to knock some things out. That is all you can do and while you are doing it, go fishing or climb a mountain or plant a garden or scuba or snorkel or ski or paint or write or have a mimosa at 9am on a random Tuesday, but don’t sit around bemoaning how bad things are because as you well know shit happens.

So I thank God I finally learned I have had a good life young enough to go out and enjoy it more even if I am walking a little slower.

And like I mentioned sometimes you are too busy and today I didn’t get the beer I was promised, yet Cheers anyway

[thekimspoblog]

Me: One of the most important scenes I still need to write for SK is the opening to Ep 6, where Kim tracks down her mom and visits her. Kim says to her mom that she forgives her for the neglect. Kim's mom says that she has nothing to apologize for; she did the best she could as a single parent living paycheck to paycheck. It's an uncomfortable conversation, and the reconciliation goes nothing like Kim had hoped it would, but the point is that if she can let go of the anger at her mother, Kim can let go of her own self-loathing.

It's not explained until 3 episodes later, but this was the moment Kim decided that if she still had time, she wanted a daughter of her own. That even if she can't give her kid a much better childhood than she herself had... her childhood wasn't ALL BAD; maybe there's enough to be worth passing on.

I'm very interested in how Kim's psychological baggage shapes her decisions, and getting more in-touch with her maternal side would be an interesting character study.

Friend: It sure would be a way to take her out of her usual context, as you said being a career focused woman. Would you go with her trying to balance her pregnancy, and eventual... Motherly duties with her career or she would need to leave her career on hold (I dont think she would do this, but you know, just to spin something) and trying not to resent the baby and/or eventually Jimmy himself for "putting" her on that situation? I may be asking something thats already on the fanfic jsjsjs now that I think about it

Me: In my original "Sheepdog" fanfic, there was more exploration of the idea that Kim doesn't really want this baby and how a surprise pregnancy triggers an existential crisis. But that prediction for Season 6 never came true, so "Sheepdog" was just a nightmare Kim had.

"Slippin Kimmy" which is my new story, picks up six years after the events of BCS season 6. So in this timeline, Kim has already been disbarred because of what she did to Howard. Her career is already ruined, so she might as well settle down at this point. Kim is still trying to help poor people, especially homeless women, but without a license to practice, Kim's boss recommends that she shift her focus to lobbying. Eventually, this leads Kim to fall in with a group of progressive evangelicals, and the Church is able to get Jimmy released on house arrest after only six years of his sentence. Impatient to make up for lost time, they get remarried and start trying for a kid.

So to answer your question... Kim's not a lawyer anymore, but she still has a career as an activist. They are able to lie low and just bask in the domestic bliss for nine months, but once Iris is born, the plan is for Kim to go back to work while Jimmy is more than happy to just be a stay-at-home-dad; he's tired and frankly a little agoraphobic at this point. Saving the world is his wife's job now; Jimmy just wants to stay out of trouble.

The joke is that between 2010 and 2016, Kim was still just trying to be a decent, quiet person volunteering in Florida. But after the election, she sort of SNAPPED. Gave up trying to be a moral person when clearly nobody else has been trying, and went back to doing the things that make her happy: chicanery and her jailbird ex. She didn't want to bring a kid like them into this world, when neither she nor Jimmy could ever function comfortably in polite society. But if the country is teetering on the brink of anarchy... actually maybe this is the perfect time to pollute the genepool.

There's definitely a sort of feralness with how I write her: she still tries to solve problems rationally, but she's learned to sometimes just act on instinct. The LAW has no interest in keeping her alive; her nerves and muscles are the only commands she can trust.

[liminalweirdo]

i don't know if it's just being raised queer that alienates you from the queer experience, but I think you're right about queerness still being more rooted in the societal mindset as more misery than joy.

But I also think there's lots of reasons that some other queer people might feel alienated besides just being raised queer. Or put another way, I don't think queer families should worry about their queer kids ending up alienated. (Not saying this is what you were saying op, just that this is what your post made me think of, and the rest of this post is more my own rambling thoughts).

For me, as an autistic person with mostly queer/trans friends, I also didn't experience a lot of these things that my queer peers did -- at least not in the ways that my friends were experiencing them.

I don't remember coming out to my parents very well. There were arguments about the meaning of bisexuality. Back then my parents still called me greedy/only rock'n'roll stars do that (yes really lol)/it's a phase. There were arguments about living as a queer person and why that wasn't good or what my parents wanted for me, and there was endless annoyance at my relatives constantly asking me whether or not I had a boyfriend like that was the only option (sigh). I didn't end up homeless like some queer people I knew, when they were kicked out, but I am living with the threat of homelessness as an adult. I think we also sometimes forget that the queer experience continues beyond teenage and young-adulthood, and programs are no longer in place for us beyond that. It's very similar to autism in that way. It's like people think autism stops existing after 18. Look up anything on autism and it's "your autistic child..."

But yeah, the gender binary stuff was always pretty *shrug* to me because the rules were too arbitrary for me and my autistic brain to really give a shit about beyond "don't misgender my friends." (also... we didn't even have words like 'misgender' back then, at least not where i grew up). Basically, I didn't have a super solid differentiation between 'boys' and girls' and what that meant (in the mindset of society at the time) which was also a huge part of the reason why it took me so long to realize that I was trans, too.

I remember not feeling comfortable or welcome in queer spaces because I felt like queerness was so good and the GSA at my school didn't feel that way. I remember feeling uncomfortable in the queer community where I grew up (in a PRETTY small town) because that dynamic wasn't something that I jived with with my neurodivergent brain. I still feel excluded from pride and other queer spaces because nobody's making it accessible to people with visible and invisible disabilities (like by wearing masks and ensuring that the space around the building is also accessible, and and and. I could talk forever about this, too). But my exclusion doesn't mean I don't love my community, I just think that queer people need to work harder on realizing that there are many different types of queers, many ways to be that way, and many queers who are poor/disabled/neurodivergent/mentally ill/culturally different/raised different/less educated/less privileged etc. etc. etc. And I believe that eventually we will get there, but it's going to take a lot of work and being queer and marginalized doesn't exempt you from doing it.

I think that being surrounded by queer people (friends, parents, community) does sort of dilute the experience, though. Or soften it somehow?

I'm sorry that you, or I, or anybody feels alienated from our community, but a lot of us are. And yeah we base a lot of the queer experience on the struggle, still. My partner says that he doesn't doesn't feel queer enough because he came out as an adult and didn't experience some of the vitriol that happens to queer teens in middle and high school, but of course that doesn't actually make him less queer. I think there might actually be a little bit of danger in thinking of queerness as suffering; in forgetting that queer people who are different from us are still just as queer, and that being queer is a fucking incredible, wonderful thing.

I remember back when every single queer movie ended in AIDS or death or not being able to come out or be together. All of the gay media I grew up with barely touched queerness at all, or it ended in tragedy. To this day, I brace myself before watching anything queer because I'm so indoctrinated to think that it's going to be super depressing. And like... queer movies aren't actually often like that anymore? (They're often kind of vapid. Queer movies for straight people, but that's a whole OTHER post).

Anyway, I wanted to talk about this because I hope that that alienation doesn't mean that some queer people can't often relate to other queer folks. There are queer people out there for you! I think there are lots (and hopefully more and more) queer people who also didn't struggle so significantly as we used to growing up queer for a multitude of reasons. Neurodivergency, prevalence of queer friends, different media focusing less on the 'tragedy' of queerness etc.

so guys turns out that being raised by queer people alienates me from the queer experience. probably not a good thing

[ancestorsofjudah]

1 Kings 15: 25-27. "Swarms of Locusts."

Recall the Kingdom of Israel split after Solomon lost control of things. For almost all of Israel's history it was either homeless or homewrecked.

After Solomon lost faith with the Lord and the kingdom split north and south. There were many fights, and the King of Israel and King of Judah never agreed again to reform the Assembly and govern the world as God instructed. We face the complications associated with this to this very day. The Gematria for verse 25 is 6272, ו‎ בז‎ב "two years in vain."

Why? Because of "evil done in the eyes of the Lord"- corruption. Corrupt men do not belong in the government, their heads do not belong under crowns. This lesson humanity must agree to learn or God will not return the shine of His Face upon us.

Nadab King of Israel

25 Nadab son of Jeroboam became king of Israel in the second year of Asa king of Judah, and he reigned over Israel two years. 

26 He did evil in the eyes of the Lord, following the ways of his father and committing the same sin his father had caused Israel to commit.

27 Baasha son of Ahijah from the tribe of Issachar plotted against him, and he struck him down at Gibbethon, a Philistine town, while Nadab and all Israel were besieging it. 

Nadab means generous, Asa means healer. He reigned a meager two years before the Stench of Deceit, Baasha "brother of power with strength in numbers" came along, and put a stop to that.

Gibbethon means "a mound of locusts", a "low-born" town. It was right for "generosity" to attack such a place; but he lost.

Gibbethons are people like Ann Coulter or Laura Ingraham, or Sean Hannity, people with clever biting arguments why people have to be oppressed or threatened based on some weird archaich ideology that has no purpose but to stir up strife. We always lose to people like this because we let them live.

Recall how Ann Coulter, a ripe rank kunt tried to ban gay and trans soldiers from serving, but the bitch does nothing good for anybody and wouldn't deign to try. Why does she even care about it? She's a bitch that's why.

Laura Ingraham, a ruthless piece of rotten snatch ridiculed David Hogg who was shot at in his high school along with many of his peers. This was not proper. It has never been proper. Every little wee kid knows the story of the Great Flood. Violence is forbidden.

Gossip is forbidden, weapons are forbidden, jealousy, stealing all praise of these things are forbidden.

Swarms of Locusts are also forbidden. You may not use the airwaves or the pulpit or the ballot to inflict harm on others or make them uncomfortable being human on the same soil as you. This is slavery to slander and God hates persons that do it. Governments that permit oppression, that watch as the good and generous are overwhelmed by propaganda such as the former require immediate regime change. This is what the Torah says.

These tenets are emphasized here in the Melachim as well. What hope of a Godly way of life is there if our Presidents, Kings, Queens, Vice Presidents, Princes and Princes are all useless worthless louts?

[mintaikk]

I think there's a major issue on how addictive drugs are taught to kids. It's always, "don't do drugs, and here's why they are bad." And while I guess it is a step, it doesn't go into why people indulge in harmful substances. Most people KNOW how bad they are, but they're desperate for any kind of release. Things like anxiety, depression, or just feeling hopeless in life leads people to drugs. And selling drugs is a quick way to make money. This also goes to how the prison system in the US is fucked up.

I don't want this to be too long so I won't go into major detail. But it just sets people up to fail. Things like homelessness itself is seen as illegal (sleeping in car, loitering, etc) because people are just uncomfortable with them. Not to mention how POC groups are more likely to be targeted. Hell, a police came up to me, my mom, and my sister one time and we all panicked because we thought we would die (he was super nice and only making sure we were okay because we had to stop on the side of the road, but some people aren't always that lucky.) Back on track. Once you're in prison, you're basically stuck as a criminal for your life. You can't get a job because having a criminal record is an automatic no. Getting a house is hard because landlords don't want former criminals. And the house you do get, you'll have trouble paying for because you can't find a good job. And so because of this, people will go back to a life of crime (like drug dealing as example) just to make a buck. Which can ultimately lead to them getting arrested again.

[emrysmorgan23]

My Story

It’s brutal. It’s hard. It cuts your heart open and bleeds it dry, just for you to try to stitch it back up and repeat the process over and over again. Life is pain. Life is turmoil. Life is sometimes lonely. Life is work.

But it’s also so much more.

I grew up in a very small, rural town in Virginia Beach. I was raised around rednecks, strict Christian conservatives, and generally people who didn’t like anyone who wasn’t like them. Don’t get me wrong, there were a few diamonds in the rough, but that was my basic community.

As a youth, back in the late 90s/early 00’s, information and resources were pretty tough to come by in the terms of the LGBTQIA+. It made me feel more isolated, more helpless. More wrong. It took me YEARS to get over the internalized homophobia I’d adapted to in order to survive: suppress my emotions, only to look at others who were out and proud with envy, finding myself uncomfortable with ANY form of PDA. Hell, I was too afraid to show affection in PRIVATE!

I’d made a couple other gay friends in high school. One day one of them, Tommy, sat with me in the auditorium. He’d seen my depression, how I’d withdrawn and dissociated. He’d seen me for who I was and who I wished to be. So Tommy sat down with me and after a little bit of talking, he asked me to say I was gay out loud. I was SHOCKED! He wanted me to say this around ALL of these people?!

But being the crazy person I am, of course I obliged. He smiled, and I smiled, and he asked me to say it again “with feeling”. So, I said it again. We shared a laugh and he said, “Now shout it! Shout it so your voice can fill the auditorium, just this once. Take the spotlight.” So I did. He gave me a high five, told me I’d be alright and promised me that the group of theater kids we were around were safe. The auditorium was a sanctuary.

Obviously, this didn’t totally ease my fears and anxiety, at least not completely. I never told him, or anybody, but in some way his kindness saved me. It cracked through the walls I’d built up to protect myself and allowed the light to shine back through. After that moment, I very carefully allowed my true self to show—at least at school. I’ve never told anybody this story, but I guess my heart is telling me it’s time to now. Tommy, if by some miracle you’re reading this now?

Thank you.

Watching all my friends pair up and finding myself an outcast once again, I still felt a little hopeless. “How can I find anyone to love in such a small pool of choices? Just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we’d be a great match,” I’d thought to myself.

When I was in middle school, the first Cheetah Girls movie came out. I was OBSESSED right from the beginning! As soon as I had money, I wanted cheetah EVERYTHING! And being someone who grew up without too much, I was pretty excited each time I could make a purchase. I will always remember the time I’d found a plush cheetah complete with two little cheetah cubs. I’d called my mom who was elsewhere in the store, so excited to tell her I’d found something else to add to my collection. She was instantly angry and told me “You want to be a Cheetah Girl? You want to wear a dress? Put that in the car then come meet me in the women’s department and we’ll get you some dresses, you little f****t.”

Obviously, my heart was crushed. “Definitely not coming out to her anytime soon,” I said after I hung up. Yeah, I shed a couple tears but once again I’d put up the barriers and be a shell, if only to try to be numb and not feel the stabbing pain that my mother could never accept me, not entirely.

A couple years later she’d asked me if I was gay and said she’d love me regardless. Maybe she’d felt guilty for that time and quietly changed her views? I didn’t know, I still don’t know to this day, but I wasn’t about to trust her and leave it to chance. I couldn’t let myself become homeless if I could prevent it.

When I was 19, 4 months away from turning 20, my mother was hospitalized due to scleroderma. She’d fallen into a coma after some kidney failures among other things, and something told me this was my last chance. If I ever wanted to tell my mother while she was alive, THIS was my chance. So, with my throat already painfully clenching from the tears I was inevitably building up, I took her hand and I told her those two words I’d always been afraid to tell her. The same words Tommy once inspired me to say.

“I’m gay.” I asked her to please wake up, so she could tell me she loved me and that everything would be okay. That she was still my mom and always would be. Sadly, I never got that luxury because shortly after she passed away.

I found myself wandering a bit aimlessly, bouncing from a couple places between a coworker’s house, my sister’s couch, and my best friend’s parents’ house. If it hadn’t been for my friendship with Matt and the unconditional love from his parents, I probably wouldn’t have made it through half the things I went through. I’d experienced walking to and from work 1-2/12 hours each way depending on the job I had at the time. I’d experienced a car accident, the harsh truth that not EVERYBODY could be trusted or had my best interests in mind. Shortly after my mom passed, her boyfriend had kicked me out after he’d learned from talk around town that I was gay.

And then one day, I saw a post from a new friend I’d made on Facebook talking about how his parents treated him. We started talking, me offering him words of comfort and advice, then suddenly he wanted to date me! He lived states away, so I didn’t see the realism in that. I ruthlessly tried to self-sabotage myself and threw EVERY flaw about me his way to try to dissuade him, yet it didn’t work. That man became my husband and currently we’re going 6 years strong.

My story isn’t a carbon copy of every LGBTQIA+ experience. Honestly, despite my own bad moments and experiences, I was one of the lucky ones. I spent a fair share with depression, having tried to kill myself in elementary school due to bullying. I won’t go into HOW I tried, but I WILL say I kind of chuckle at myself now in a kind of dark way because it NEVER would have worked. Then a year later I was caught looking up ways to do it.

Despite this, I somehow stayed strong. I idealized MANY times how I’d end it, how everyone would be better off without me. My life was hopeless, I was a lost cause.

But causes are only lost when we give up on them.

Despite all of the heartache, despite never feeling like I was enough, I somehow managed to get my husband and brother-in-law away from a terribly narcissistic situation. I spent 3 hours on the phone once convincing my brother-in-law to break up completely with his boyfriend because they were in a viciously toxic cycle that the boyfriend wasn’t willing to break. When I’d moved to Ohio, shortly after my (now) brother-in-law, (18 at the time) had been outed to his parents and they…weren’t the most receptive at first. And he’d called me to confide that he felt his whole world was upended and he just wanted to end it. So I became the person I wished I’d had with me through all of my own dark moments. I followed Tommy’s example.

It’s never easy. It’s never FUN and it NEVER seems fair. It feels…so EASY, so PEACEFUL, to think about just escaping from all of the problems and just freeing yourself from the world and it’s crap. I’m not gonna try to be cliché, or to offer empty platitudes. I can’t promise that it will get better. I can’t promise that you’ll make it through the other side unscathed. However, I CAN speak from personal experience and promise that you are here for a purpose. You have a voice. Every moment is a choice. We can always choose the “easier” option, the one that doesn’t change anything for the better but leaves us relatively comfortable, or we can choose the “difficult” path. The one that will deal us much discomfort, possible battle scars, maybe losing some “friends” in the process, but ultimately grants us strength, pride…freedom.

“Nothing worth having is ever easy.”

I’m not going to tell you that suicide is selfish. I’m not going to say it’s not worth it or that it’s a “permanent solution to a temporary problem”. Nobody who is idealizing or planning suicide believes any of that. They’re pretty much empty words. However, if you are one of those people who is questioning, who is afraid to be yourself, who is afraid they’ll lose everything or they’re not worth the “trouble”… I am with you. There are still times I struggle with it, but the younger me who was filled with the same pain you are and for the same reasons is right there beside you. Those who came before you, walked in those same shoes…are with you.

You don’t have to be alone anymore.

Take your time. Take each day one moment at a time. I AM going to be selfish and ask you to take my words to heart, to realize you’re not the first to feel this pain and you sadly won’t be the last, and to find that strength within you to keep going so you can live your life the way you were always meant to: free. It’s not easy. There’s ALWAYS going to be a battle to win, a war to fight, but you’ll never be alone. We need you. We need your light and your strength. Okay, I’m done being selfish.

“The hardest thing in the world is to live in it.”

So be strong. Be brave. Live because YOU are worth fighting for. You are worth the air you breathe, the space you take. You are WORTHY of your seat at the LGBTQIA+ table whether you’re proudly out or not. You’re worthy of life.

You are worthy to shape the world into a better place for those who will walk in your shoes after you’ve outgrown them.

You are valued. You will find your tribe. It takes time for a bird to spread its wings to fly away from the nest to build its own.

So will you.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Nightwing 79 Review

i said i would and i will. i did like this issue! not as striking and attention grabbing as 78, but i think this issue was meant to be a foundation one, laying out the groundwork for the future. overall, pretty good. also there wasn't enough bitewing. as promised, overly extensive metaphors and me reading too much into things under the cut

i know i've talked about this cover before, but this particular thing is oddly important to me, so i'll talk about it again

this is me, once again screaming about how artists put nightwing in traditionally feminine poses and how every time i see it i just get whiplash. i mean, true, the main reason why is because nightwing is a so often sexualized character, and putting him in these poses just increases the objectification, which is a goal that dc producers have. but there are very few popular male characters that do this. the only one i can think of off the top of my head is deadpool, but that was so obviously a critique and a way to make fun of the media industry. when they draw dick like this, they’re being serious. they’re putting him in appealing poses meant to show him off, and that’s something that’s traditionally only been done to women.

it's a very direct and very loud breaking of traditional gender roles in media, especially for a character as high-profile and historic as dick grayson. colour also plays a factor in this. the entire background is pink. i was absolutely shocked when i first saw it, when the teaser came out, because i cannot think of any comic book covers of male comic heroes this high-profile where pink is even just prevalent in the cover, let alone the majority of the cover. the pink does look beautiful: it offsets and highlights the black and blue of dick's suit gorgeously, but does it with more finesse than orange or red. but the fact that the stylistic choice was made to accent and draw this cover with aesthetic and beauty in mind, completely ignoring traditional hard-set gender rules in art, was a conscious choice and one i wholeheartedly support.

just another example of the sexualization i was talking about. i remember seeing harley quinn in this exact pose in suicide squad.

so far, taylor's been pretty dead-set on bringing alfred to the forefront of importance in this series. he wants people to know how much he loves alfred's character, and how much the butler meant to dick growing up. he was dick's father too. but what i adore is how taylor managed to stress alfred's importance in a way that didn't insult or belittle bruce.

this is one of the best bruce and dick interactions i've seen, and it's done in one simple interaction. in this, bruce is tough and harsh. he knocked dick down hard, but then he reached a hand down and helped pull dick back up. let me analyze their dialogue for a minute

on your feet: this is bruce telling dick to get up. he's trained dick, he knows what the younger boy is capable of, he knows his limits, and he knows what dick can do. this is bruce telling dick i know you're strong enough to get up, so get up and prove me right

are you just going to knock me down again?: surface-level, it looks like dick's complaining. he doesn't like bruce's rough training, and he's tired of bruce knocking him down. but look at his face in this. he's smiling up at bruce, knowledgeable and a little hopeful. he knows that bruce is doing this to help dick better himself, he's completely on board with the rough training, because they both know the rewards are incredible. also, he's teasing. he's bantering with bruce. there's an ease in that joking statement, one that belies affection and intimacy. they've only known each other for a little bit, but they're already slipping into a close familial relationship.

it depends on how fast you learn: this is bruce bantering back. this is bruce not being a stoic, unfeeling asshole. instead, he's shown with the dry humor that a good batman writer knows is a staple of the character. he's teasing dick, telling him he'll basically whoop his ass if dick doesn't learn fast enough. it's incentive for dick to train harder, while also being lighthearted enough to tell dick that believes in dick and doesn't want him to push himself too hard.

gosh i love the titans. also it looks like wally's staring at dick's ass.

this was cute. a prod at dick's silly and playful sense of humor, while not dumbing him down for the sake of a laugh. instead, he's joking about food, which is stuff everyone jokes about. this is the kind of stuff that'll actually make me laugh, instead of just making me vaguely uncomfortable.

bludhaven's almost always portrayed as a cesspool of a city. and to be honest, it really is. but this panel gives the city a meaningful history, while also giving us a reason for why dick moved there.

it talks of a time when people still thought they could beat the monsters. that if they fought hard enough, they could win the fight. it was a tentative hope that you could always overcome hardship.

dick's little "i like that it's still standing" shows how he still believes that, despite what the rest of the world thinks. despite everything that he's been through, dick is still tentatively an optimist, and believes he can fight the monsters of the world and win. it's a beautiful testament to his character, and i'm like that they added his signature element of hope back in. it used to be what he symbolized as robin, and despite his growth and character arc from robin to nightwing, this is one aspect of robin that i'm glad nightwing still has.

remember when i said "things that make me vaguely uncomfortable??" yeahhhh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Shooketh Dick: A Sequel

(the expressions in this series are just,,,,on point)

this was an incredibly sweet and kindhearted thing for dick to do, but i found it kind of,,,,,,,,desperate? maybe that's just me, but let me explain.

dick's suddenly a billionaire, and he has entirely too much money that he knows what to do with. it's also alfred's money, what the man left to him, so dick forever links it with alfred. in addition to that, he's back and bludhaven and looking at it with "fresh" eyes. (at least, from a different point of view since he got shot in the head. then mind controlled.) he's desperate to do something with the money and he's desperate to help the people around him that so obviously needs up, so he comes up with an on-the-fly solution that's a little impractical and a little crazy, but it still helps and still does some good.

to me, dick seems a little lost. he hasn't completely found his balance yet, and he's trying to do things that will. he tries charity, because that's what bruce did and it's what he knows, even though he admitted that he always thought bruce could have done more as bruce wayne than batman.

they have a family group chat guys yall were right.

also, do i think that dick would ever actually get his wallet stolen?? no way in hell, he’d notice someone getting ready to pickpocket him a mile away. but i suppose it’s important to the Plot. 

okay this is getting interesting. first blockbuster, now maroni (+ the weird heart stealer guy). i can officially say that i am intruiged

this particular artistic quirk is shown a lot in this issue, and from this art team in general, but i feel like this panel is one of the best examples of it. it was stunning enough to take up a full page, and it’s well deserved.

the way they show dick moving is absolutely brilliant. as a reader, i like seeing these smaller versions of dick getting clearer and in more detail as they come closer to the screen. not only do they show depth in the picture beyond what a simple 3 dimensional piece of art does, it also shows the passage of time.

in addition, it showcases dick’s skill. dick spots these mobsters running after a group of petty thieves. he then, and follow me here, leaps off the roof of one building feet first, springboards backwards off the side of the adjacent building with his feet, gracefully continues his backflip, rights himself, shoots a line with perfect timing: just in time to soften his landing but not slow him down, execute said landing on top of a moving bus, keep running on the moving bus without missing a beat, shoot his grapple, use the grapple to swing, use the swing to build up momentum, then use the momentum to deliver a powerful blow to the mobsters. and he did all that fast enough to catch up with the mobsters, even though he was a ROOFTOP OVER. 

d a m n  s o n

this panel, the very first in the issue, is also another example of that art style, but a little more distinctive. i love the way they showed dick’s different costumes through the ages, along with him simply growing up. it’s a little heartbreaking, but a lot uplifting to see how far he’s come. thank god he got rid of the red. now all we need is the fingerstripes, and we’ll be golden

discowing my beloved. also i can’t clearly see discowing’s hair but it definitely looks like it’s pulled back. it looks like he put it in a ponytail. guys. guys. dick had a ponytail omg. 

he’s having a Hero Moment

are you talking about the city, dick, or are you talking about you? the kgbeast, the court, the joker. dick fell to each one of them, no matter how hard he fought. he won in the end, eventually and with his family’s help. but i think he’s feeling a little low, a little defeated right now. it’s almost like he needs a win, he needs to feel victorious, he needs to feel like he helped someone (hence the food and the hotel room), just because he needs to remember what it feels like.

these lines were supposed to resonate with you, and goddamn they did.

i looked at it from two ways. first, it’s the girl asking, begging nightwing not to hurt them. bludhaven doesn’t know dick the way gotham does, they’re still a little frightened of him. this child was brave enough to step in front of all of the other hurt and homeless kids and ask, to a strange man in a mask, if he was going to hurt them like the other men had. it’s heartbreaking, but commendable, and an echo of the city itself that dick’s decided to protect. they’re bloody and broken and terrified, but still gritty and brave enough to stare what they fear in the eye and ask it not to hurt them.

second, it’s dick seeing the question reflected in himself. recently, he got shot in the head and lost all his memories. while i think that the way ric reacted was a perfectly valid and human response to the situation, i think dick still regrets how callously and rudely he treated his family. then, he was manipulated by the court of owls, then he was brainwashed with a magic crystal by the joker. dick does have a guilt complex. it’s not a big as bruce’s, but it’s there. and right now, with this girl begging her not to hurt them, dick is probably thinking about all the times he hurt people, in control of his own actions or not, bc he “didn’t have a heart.” 

little ambitious don’t you think, dick?

also just look at the sunset colours loOK at the they could not make this any more obvious oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddd

in conclusion, i need more of her

[yeah-all-of-it]

I’ve had this headcanon for awhile now about Ian and Mickey starting a family and since I’m becoming more comfortable with writing, I thought I’d turn it into a fic. Enjoy!

A Life Changing Gift

“Debs, are you sure you understand what you’re offering right now?,” Ian questions, feeling a bit skeptical.

It is Debbie after all. Sometimes she’s perfectly pleasant and reasonable, other times she can be a raging bitch. But, she is his sister and he can’t imagine her offering something this monumental only to renege after they’ve gotten their hopes up. And she’s definitely mellowed out since they didn’t end up selling the house and she didn’t have to find a new place to live.

Ian and Debbie are sitting at the kitchen table in the Gallagher house. She had called him over to look at a cut Franny had gotten playing in the backyard. Wasn’t sure if it needed stitches and thought Ian could use his past medical training to check it out. In reality, it was barely a scratch. Ian should have known at that point Debbie was up to something, especially when she invited him to stay for coffee.

“Ian, I’ve been thinking a long time about this. Came up with the idea months ago but wanted to be completely sure before I said anything,” Debbie explains.

“Yeah, but, Debbie. This is fuckin’ huge. Think about how hard it’ll be on you-“

“I’ve already thought about all that shit, Ian. I’ve been through it before, you know. It’s really not that bad,” Debbie assures him.

Debbie seems sincere. Like she’s really considered every angle, every downside, upside, and in-between. He’s trying to keep his excitement reined in because he still has to convince Mickey that this is a good idea, which could be easier said than done.

“Listen,” Debbie says. “You don’t have to say anything now. Go home, talk it over with Mickey. You can even bring him over here and we can all talk about it if you want. No pressure.”

They both stand from the table and Ian goes to give her a hug.

“Wait, what the fuck are you doing?” Debbie jokes. “Thought you hated me and that we don’t do hugs anymore.” She laughs, and Ian knows she’s remembering how tense things were a year ago when she thought she’d be homeless and alone and she lashed out at all her siblings.

“Would you just fuckin’ come here?” Ian smiles warmly and holds his arms out.

She steps into his embrace and he just holds his little sister. Sometimes he still likes to imagine her as that sweet little girl that was always helping people. Always loving people, sometimes so much she would get hurt. It would kill him to see the tears in her eyes.

Sometimes, he sees glimpses of that caring little girl in the jaded woman she’s become. Like when she pretended to be the bride at his wedding; staying in the kitchen, missing the whole ceremony, just so he and Mickey could get married without any problems from the homophobes at the venue. And now, when she’s offering this selfless and life changing gift to them.

Ian whispers into her hair, hair that’s the same vibrant shade of red as his own, “I don’t even know what to say, Debs. Just… thank you.”

Debbie gives him one more big squeeze before pulling away. “You’re welcome. Now, go home and convince your husband to let me have his baby.”

———

“No fuckin’ way, NO fuckin’ way!” Mickey exclaims. “No way am I bangin’ your little sister.”

Mickey hops up on the counter, takes a long chug of the Old Style in his hand.

“Mick,” Ian sighs, leaning up against the opposite counter. “That’s not how it works. You would basically jerk off in a cup and she’d use a turkey baster, in the privacy of her own room,” he emphasizes,” to… place the sperm where they need to go.”

“Don’t you need like, a doctor or some shit to do that?” Mickey asks incredulously.

“Well, you can use a doctor but it’s expensive. This way is free,” Ian clarifies.

Mickey is clearly churning the idea around in his brain. Finally speaks.

“I thought we were just gonna like, find a fuckin’ kid that didn’t have parents or somethin’.”

“We can do that too, one day. Ya know, if we like the first one enough to do it again,” Ian says lightheartedly, slight grin, trying to calm Mickey.

Ian steps toward Mickey, placing his hips between Mickey’s knees, resting his hands on his thighs, rubbing softly.

Ian continues. “Think about it though, Mick. This baby would be us, you and me. It’s the closest we can get since we don’t exactly have the right stuff to do it on our own. He or she would have your DNA and, through Debbie, a little of mine too.”

Mickey beams at this, wraps his arms around his husband’s shoulders. “It would be kinda fun to have a little version of us runnin’ around,” Mickey admits. “You know a kid that’s part Milkovich and part Gallagher is bound to be a little shit though, right?” Mickey jokes, smiling at the thought.

“Oh, I’m counting on it,” Ian quips, leaning in and planting a sweet kiss on his smiling husband’s lips.

Ian pulls back from the kiss and asks seriously, “So. Do you wanna do this?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do. What about you?” Mickey questions.

“Fuck yeah, I do. Let’s call Debs right now.”

———

“I’ve done a lot of research about this. You guys know it might not work on the first try right? Don’t want you to be frustrated or disappointed if it doesn’t work this month. Doesn’t mean it won’t ever work, but it can take a little time,” Debbie explains.

They are sitting in the Gallagher living room the day they are making their first attempt at insemination.

“Yeah, we know, Debs. Don’t worry,” Ian replies. “We’re not in a hurry.”

“Okay, good. Keeping your expectations reasonable is good,” she says. “I’ve also been tracking my basal body temperature and took an ovulation test, so today is my most fertile da-“

Mickey interrupts, “Thanks, Dr. Gallagher, but we don’t need all the gory details. Now where do I jerk off? Hey Ian, you gonna gimme a hand, man?” Mickey clicks his tongue and bounces his eyebrows playfully.

“Ugh, no gory details, right? Let’s just keep all the personal shit to ourselves okay?” Debbie requests.

“Yeah, this is already awkward enough. Don’t need to make it weirder,” Ian agrees and eyes Mickey scoldingly.

Ian and Mickey are forced to go into the bathroom because Lip and Tami live there now and their old bedroom is now Fred and the baby’s room. They’re not home but it would be uncomfortable seeing Fred’s little toddler bed, his stuffed animal collection staring at them while Mickey gets off. So, bathroom it is.

“Listen, Mickey,” Ian explains. “I’ll help, but we are keeping this clinical. Short and sweet. We can fuck at home later for fun; this needs to be done with a purpose, a goal. Debbie’s waiting.”

“Ugh, Jesus, man, why you gotta bring up Debbie? Doesn’t exactly make this process easier to think of her waiting in her room to squir-“

“Okaaayy, focus Mick,” Ian interrupts before that sentence goes any further.

Ian yanks down Mickey’s pants and gets to work. He knows exactly how Mickey likes it to make him come quickly. It works and Mickey finishes into the bulb of the turkey baster in record time.

Ian wipes off the edges and walks it to Debbie’s room, knocking on the door. She opens it just enough to stick her arm out and Ian places the bulb in her hand. Ian hears her say, “Uh, you guys can go home. I’ll text you later,” and shuts the door.

On their way back to the Westside, Ian’s phone dings. He picks it up and reads the text from Debbie out loud. “Transfer is complete.”

“What now?” Mickey asks.

“We wait,” Ian answers.

———

“It should have worked by now, right?” Mickey asks, an edge of concern in his voice. “I mean, it’s been almost 4 months. What if like, my fuckin’ swimmers don’t work or somethin’?”

Ian tries to calm Mickey down, rubbing his arm that’s slung across Ian’s belly. It’s midnight and they really should be asleep but Mickey’s spiraling over the whole surrogacy thing.

“Mick, this is normal. We knew it could take awhile. There’s no need to freak out yet,” Ian assures. “What’s all this about, anyway? All the worry.”

“Just… I know it took a long time for me to even wanna have kids. Then you had to convince me to do this shit, to be okay with Debbie carrying my baby. Fuck, that still sounds creepy as hell. But anyway, I know I wasn’t on board with everything at first, but now? Ian, I’m so fuckin’ excited to have a baby with you. To be a dad with you. It’s just hard to wait, that’s all. And then I think… what if it doesn’t happen? What if this whole plan just fuckin’ fails? Then what?”

“Then, we come up with another plan,” Ian assures. “I wanna raise kids with you too, Mickey, so fuckin’ much. I wanna give them the childhood we never got to have. I wanna take them to the beach with you, I want us to play blocks on the living room floor, and read bedtime stories together. All that shit. It’ll happen, Mickey. One way or another, we’ll make it happen.”

Ian snuggles Mickey closer, kisses him on the top of the head, and they fall asleep in each other’s arms.

They are woken up by Ian’s obnoxious ringtone at 6:00 am, well before they have to be up for work.

“Who the fuck is calling this goddamn early? Better be fuckin’ important,” Mickey grumbles while rubbing his eyes.

It’s Debbie.

“Hey, Debs!” Ian says with fake cheerfulness, still half asleep. “What’s up?”

“There’s two lines!” she screams on the other end of the phone.

“Okay?” Ian replies.

“There’s TWO lines!” she repeats, emphasizing the word two.

“I don’t know what the fuck that means, Debs. Two lines where?” Ian questions.

“On the pregnancy test, dipshit! It’s positive! I’m pregnant!” she yells.

Ian bolts upright in bed. Mickey grumbles “what the fuck” under his breath, eyes still half closed.

“Holy fuck! It’s positive?” Ian exclaims. “It worked?

Mickey’s up now too. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Debs! Thank you! I love you! I’ll call you back later!” Ian says, unable to hold in his excitement.

He hangs up the phone. Turns and looks at Mickey. “It worked. She’s pregnant,” Ian practically whispers, unable to believe it. Ian sees tears well up in Mickey’s eyes and, for only the second time Ian has ever witnessed, they spill out onto his cheeks.

———

“Damn, you look like a beached whale, Debbie,” Mickey observes.

Debbie gives him a dirty look but chooses to keep her mouth shut.

She’s a week past her due date so they are at the clinic today to make sure everything is good. Debbie is up on the table and Ian and Mickey are sitting in the two available chairs when the doctor comes in.

“Hi, Debbie! Hi, Dads!” she says cheerfully. “So we are going to measure your belly and do a quick ultrasound just to make sure your amniotic fluid looks good.” Mickey grimaces at the term “amniotic fluid”. “I’ll have her back in a jiffy, guys!” the doctor says as she whisks Debbie out of the room.

They spent the last 6 months getting everything they needed for their new baby. Tami even threw them a shower where they got clothes, bottles, a swing, a carseat, and about a billion diapers. They decorated the nursery in light gray bedding with tiny white stars. Gender neutral because they want to be surprised. They have everything ready, all they need is the baby who is taking its sweet time.

Around 20 minutes has passed when the doctor pokes her head in the door.

“Sooo, I have some news. Debbie’s water broke while we were doing her ultrasound and her contractions started coming really fast. From what I’ve been told, her first delivery was pretty quick so we’re transporting her to the hospital just down the road, just to be safe. You are welcome to head over there now. I will be delivering so I’ll see you guys there!” and her head pops out as quickly as it appeared.

Ian and Mickey just look at each other, stunned. Finally Mickey regains his senses and breaks the silence. “Well, let’s fuckin’ go!”

They finally make it to the OB floor after a couple wrong turns inside the hospital. A nurse points them to Debbie’s room and they walk in when she’s in the middle of a pretty intense contraction. Once it subsides, she greets them and informs the epidural is on its way.

Once it’s been administered and Debbie is blissfully pain free, she asks, “Do you guys want to be in the delivery room?”

They both look at each other. “I hadn’t really thought about it,” Ian replies.

“Fuck, no,” Mickey says. “I don’t wanna see that shit.”

“Mick, you don’t have to watch. We can stand up by her head. Hold her hand. Be supportive since she’s bringing our baby into this world.” Ian turns to Debbie. “Are you sure you don’t mind? We understand if you want to keep things private.��

“Ian. I gave birth to Franny on our kitchen table in front of… like, everyone. Kev saw my vagina. V saw my vagina. Fuckin’ Sean saw my vagina. Trust me, I don’t care if you two are in the room.”

Ian looks at Mickey. “Fuck… fine. We can be in there,” Mickey relents.

A nurse comes in to check Debbie and informs her she’s 100% effaced and 10cm dilated. It’s go time. Things move at a quick pace after that. More nurses come in, turning on extra lights, bringing in supplies, wheeling in the heated bassinet.

Ian and Mickey stand side by side to Debbie’s left, Ian holding her hand, while she pushes. It’s fast. She only pushes for ten minutes before they hear cries and the doctor’s holding the baby in her hands, declaring, “it’s a girl!”

The next thing they know, a nurse is throwing a clean blanket over Mickey’s chest, and another nurse walks over and places the baby, his daughter, in his arms, blood, vernix, and all. Ian expects him to be grossed out but Mickey just stares in awe at this beautiful baby. This baby that looks like him in the face, but has a head of red hair.

Ian steps up to Mickey and wraps an arm around his shoulders, placing his other under Mickey’s arms that are holding their daughter. There is not a dry eye in the room. Ian and Mickey are crying, Debbie is crying, even the doctor and nurses are crying.

The next hour or so is spent getting the baby, and Debbie, cleaned up and dressed. They take the baby and run the normal tests and give her a vitamin k shot.

Once Debbie is in a room, the nurse brings the baby in to her dads. Ian sits in the rocking chair snuggling her while she sleeps and Mickey is right next to them.

Debbie just gazes at this new little family from her spot in bed. “So,” she finally says. “What are you naming her?”

Ian and Mickey just smile at each other before Ian responds, “Debbie, meet Margaret Laura Gallagher-Milkovich. Maggie for short.”

Debbie’s eyes tear up. “You guys gave her my middle name?”

Mickey surprisingly fields this question. “We wanted her to be named after the person that’s responsible for her bein’ here. For helping’ create her for us. I know I give you a lotta shit, but I love ya, and I appreciate the fuck outta you, Debbie.”

“Aww, Mickey, I love yo-“ she begins before being interrupted.

“Don’t get fuckin’ used to it. I’m emotional today,” he snaps with feigned grumpiness. Then smiles at her.

They let Debbie snuggle her for a bit before being released by the pediatrician to take her home. Thankfully they had already installed the infant seat in their car so they were prepared.

They walk through the door of their apartment 30 minutes later. Ian sets the carrier down and picks the baby up out of it, snuggling her tiny body to his chest before passing her off to Mickey.

“I’m not sure what you were so worried about, you’re a natural, Mickey,” Ian says as he gazes at his handsome husband tenderly cradling their beautiful baby girl.

They walk over to the sofa and sit down, thinking about the whirlwind of a day. Not knowing when they got up this morning to take Debbie to the clinic that by evening, they’d be holding their daughter in their arms.

Ian wraps Mickey’s shoulders with his arm, places his hand on their swaddled baby and says, “Welcome home, Maggie Gallagher-Milkovich. Your dads love you so much.”

[depressedacadamia]

A kiss would be nice

Summary: Magnus develops feelings for his roomate and has no idea what to do; when theres' some serious miscommunication, Alex and Magnus have to solve an obvious problem.

Pairing:  Fierrochase

A/N: THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER REQUEST!!!!  I swear I'm gonna organise my Masterlist on tumblr coz its a hot mess rn and then I will get a prompt list up. Anyway, I hope this lives up to the expectations of the request- enjoy and comment!

Read on A03        M;List

Magnus liked Alex.

How exactly was he meant to process this?

Yes. Alex was sometimes a girl and other times a boy but what did it make him?

He could remember the moment Alex came floundering into his life, confident about who she was and Magnus could only think about how much he didn't know about himself. It was ridiculous, in his opinion, to think that he fundamentally changed as a person just because he liked someone.

So why did he feel so scared to come to that conclusion that he did in fact like Alex?

“What are you thinking so hard about over there, pretty boy?” Alex asked dryly as he scrolled through his phone while he dangled off the top bunk of their dormitory. Startled, Magnus snapped his head towards Alex and with no game whatsoever stuttered a terrible lie.

“Uh- Uh, nothing.”

“Uhu,” Alex emphasised. “ So that totally wasn't a lie.”

“Yes, Wait, I mean no- wait,” Magnus stuttered out again, his hands beginning to fidget and his palms becoming sweaty.

Alex simply raised an eyebrow before softly sighing and returning to his phone scrolling. He knew that Magnus wasn't the kind to keep secrets in a malicious manner- if he wasn't spilling something, it was because he didn't feel comfortable and Alex knew as well as anyone else that if Magnus was uncomfortable, nothing was spilling from his lips.

Clenching his fists in finality, Magnus got up, accidentally banging the top of his head on the top bunk above him where Alex was elegantly dangling off, his hair defying the laws of gravity by maintaining its rightful position on his head. He rubbed his head, swore under his breath and continued to make a bashful exit from the dorm room.

Alex could tell that something was definitely up.

Sure, Magnus was weird- he sometimes came back home at incredibly odd hours, always seemed relatively silent when one were to ask him where he had been and he almost always wore his lengthy blonde hair in a way that covered the majority of his face; in fact, Alex had thought about tilting his chin up just so he could get a better view of his elegant features.

So what exactly was it causing his roommate to act so oddly?

Magnus was in the bathroom. In fact he was hiding out in one of the stalls, trying his best to avud Alex at all costs. What had started out as a way to skip the horribly boring parts of his classes, now became a full blown ritual in which he would run away to his favourite bathroom stall- the one by the very end, next to the hand blow dryers, were his favourite but also alarmed him because it was there where he could hear whether anybody really washed their hands and there was an alarming amount of evidence which contradicted so.

He would take a book or sometimes just plug in his earphones to listen to music as he essentially hid out in the stall. Sometimes, when he felt a bit more confident- and knew Alex would be off campus- Magnus would hide out in the library; a much more comfortable and all round better smelling place to read, study and or listen to music.

But now as he slowly emerged from the stall after hours of sitting, heading back towards his room, Magnus could only feel this inevitable feeling of impending doom. He had managed to distract himself from the Alex situation for so long and now, he was about to crumble.

It was only a matter of time.

“Magnus?” A familiar and - dare I even say- dreaded voice asked him.

Glancing through the blonde locks of hair which curtained his face, he caught a glimpse of familiar green hair which he had been avoiding.

“Huh?” He managed to mumble.

Alex frowned. “Don’t ‘huh’ me. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.”

Magnus’s eyes widened- he had left his phone on silent as he didnt want to deal with others. “I-you did? Sorry.”

“That doesn't matter now. Where have you bee- actually nevermind that as well, come on, we need to get back, it’s already late and I know you have an early class tomorrow.”

Magnus hesitated.

Alex noticed. He refused to stay silent about the matter any longer.

“Okay. Spit it out. “

“What!” Magnus stammered. “ Spi- spit what? Spit wh- what out exactly?”

“The reason you’ve been avoiding me? Did I forget to do my chores or something? Or did I accidentally make some sort of mess of your stuff?”

“No- No, of course not!”

“So?”

Magnus found himself too enamoured with Alex’s features to respond. He could feel the bubble bath slowly overflowing inside his mind. What did it mean if he liked Alex? Was he now a completely different person? What did it matter if he liked Alex?

Wasn't he just like everybody else?

But Magnus’ mind told him that it was so obvious that Alex was in fact not like everybody else, otherwise why was it Alex whom he couldn’t keep his eyes off of? If Alex was so like everyone else, why was it his eyes that Magnus always wanted to stare at, why was it Alex’s hair that Magnus always wanted to ruffle or Alex’s hand that he always wanted to hold?

Why was it always Alex whom he wanted to hug when he was having a bad day?

So when he looked back at Alex, he felt the overwhelming need to throw himself and wrap his arms around Alex so tightly that Alex would have trouble breathing and then - in Magnus’s perfect world- Alex would also wrap his arms around Magnus and they would hold each other in their arms and stand their leaning on each other.

“Nothing,” Magnmus mumbled as he came back to reality.

He walked past Alex, eager to get back to their dorm and just sleep his feelings away- something he was used to doing thanks to his years of being homeless. He wasn’t about to escape when a slender hand wrapped itself around his wrist and dragged him backwards.

“No.” Alex huffed almost angrily. “You’re not running away from me,not again.”

Magnus could have sworn- looking back- that he may have let out a squeak.

“You are avoiding me Mister and I’d like to know why. It’s bad enough that you spend all your time hiding in the bathroom stalls, it’s even worse that you're doing it to avoid someone as fabulous as myself. So if we could quickly get this over with, It would be greatly appreciated and I’m sure it would relieve your nostrils as well.”

“I-”

“You…?”Alex prompted.

“Ilikeyou.”

Alex paused, scrunched up his nose before raising an eyebrow in ridicule and letting out a laugh. And while Magnus truly believed there was nothing more beautiful than Alex’s smile, right now, it was the most damning thing he had ever seen.

Of course Alex would be laughing! Who wouldn't be laughing if some weedy, shady blond kid confessed their feelings for them in the most pathetic way possible!

Magnus had no other choice but to clench his fists to resist the burning sensation gathering in his eyes as he turned on his heel and hurried back to his dorm.

He was curled up on his bed, binging criminal minds on his laptop because what else was meant to comfort you after getting rejected if it wasn’t watching people getting brutally murdered by psychopaths and sadists?

He was wrapped with this specific episode- involving a bunch of very explicit murder- when Alex snatched his headphones right off his head plopped himself in the computer chair that rested right next to the bottom bunk where Magnus had been hiding out.

He could feel himself paling as he remembered that he lived with Alex.

“We need to talk.”

What? He was so sick of Alex making every decision, afterall- it was Alex who chose to laugh at him.

“We have nothing to talk about,” Magnus managed to snap back.

“Why do you keep avoiding me? First in our own dorm, then in public and now you don't even want to look at me.”

“I’m sorry,” He retorted, his words coated with so much sarcasm, had there been anymore, he may have become Samirah at that very moment. “Was I expected to hang around after being ridiculed?”

“Ridiculed? What do you mea-”

“-What do I mean? I guess you wouldnt understand what it feels like for someone whom you really really like to outright just laugh at you after confessing. I guess you don't know how- how nerve racking and horrible it is to not feel comfortable and safe wherever you go. I guess you were privileged enough to not deal with doubting yourself with every decision you make and every thought you have!”

Alex started. “I-”

“-No. I’m not finished. Do you know how that made me feel?” Magnus was on a roll. “ Like shit. I felt shitty. I felt like shit and I was curled up like a bratty 5 year old and do you know what I’ve realised? I’ve realised that I have nob reason to feel shitty because I'm not the one who was so insecure in myself that I laughed at someone else who was struggling, esepcially when I rejected a hot piece of ass such as myself!” He finished his ramble with a shout, his chest heaving, cheeks flushed and somehow, his hair messy.

“So,” Alex drawled causally. “ Am I allowed to speak now?”

“No.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex sooke anyway. “ I’m sorry that you feel this way and I guess I can't change that I was the person who made you feel like- well, shit, but I have to say Beantown, you really shouldn't assume things so quickly.”

Magnus frowned, turning his shiny, glossy eyes towards Alex finally. “Huh?”

“Well. If you were to give me a chance to explain, I’d be able to tell you that I laughed because I thought you looked adorable. I would be able to tell you that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings in any way and I’m very sorry if I did and…”

Alex held Magnus’ chin, pulling his head a bit down so he was able to fully look him in the eye rather than just looking away under Magnus’ chin, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“And…?” Magnus whispered hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer.

“And, I would be able to tell you that I like you.” Alex smiled dopily.

Did Magnus hear that correctly? Did Alex Fierro- the most confident, and in Magnus’s eyes, the most attractive person out there just admit to liking the scraggly kid who used to live on the streets?

“Excuse me?”

Aex sighed. “I said that I like you and your … What was it you said?” He paused for dramatic effect because lighting up his eyes. “ Oh yes and your ‘hot piece of ass’ I believe it was.”

Magnus cringed at his previous words as he started at Alex. Alex fierro liked him!

“What?” Alex smirked on noticing Magnus’s innocent stare.

“Can I try something?” Magnus tilted his head to the side innocently. Alex nodded.

Yes, please do try something, A kiss would be nice.

But to Alex’s surprise, he felt Magnus’s arms being wrapped around his body. It was an odd sensation that at first made Alex want to reel backwards.

But then this familiar ignition in his stomach tugged him back to wrap his arms back around Magnus and bury his face in Magnus’s chest, just about reaching his collarbone.

The hug was brief. Perhaps not even longer than 15 seconds at a maximum, but it was enough for Magnus to feel better.

Alex decided that perhaps next time Magnus would kiss him.

Super cool people Taglist: @wisegirl773 @ddepressedbookworm

[elysianightsss]

It’s just Business - three

Werewolf Steve Rodgers x reader

Warnings for the series: fluffness, Bucky and Sam bickering like five year olds, smutty smut, bad language.

After coming back from my ruined peaceful walk, I didn’t have the motivation to do anything other than just sitting and reading. I spent most of the afternoon and evening doing that too. It kind of brought back the serene feeling from this morning but not the same. By the time dinner and then sleep rolled around I felt unproductive.

Making a mental note to talk to Bash tomorrow, I pulled back the covers ready to get into bed when I heard a howl just like the night before. The noise caused my breath to hitch in my throat, my hands to grip the sheets. Like a siren call I walked towards the glass door in a daze. Standing out on the balcony now, I heard the howl again but it was closer this time.

The noise made my chest tighten. A pricking sensation familiar to how you’d prick your finger when learning to sow. It got stronger and stronger, almost like something was getting closer and closer.

“Alex?” I jumped screaming when a hand placed itself on my back.

“Oh Bash, sorry, you scared me. I didn’t hear you come in.” I explained.

“I haven’t scared you in years. Last time I did we were little. You seemed to be the one scaring me now.” He grinned, a smile slipping onto my face too.

“Seems that way doesn’t it?” He eyed the lake and trees with a suspicious eye.

“Do you like it here?” He asked coming to stand next to me on the balcony.

“I love it. It’s so freeing.” I stared out at the view.

“I’m sorry for what Dad had done. And, well I’m sorry for leaving you in that house to begin with.” He cleared his throat, I reached out a patted his back. I knew it was hard for him to admit his wrong doings, even if technically he didn’t do anything wrong here.

“It’s not your fault. Mother and Father would have never let it happen. And besides maybe being away from them for eight months will be good for me.” I let out a dry chuckle at the thought. Eight parent free months. Sounded amazing.

“When I was your age, that would have sounded like heaven to me.” He poked my side with a laugh.

“Bash, I spent four months trying to do this task, and I’ve already failed. How did you and JJ complete it in under a month?” I asked astonished, more about JJ than Bash really.

“When Father set us the task, I thought it was easy. And applied to every college in the world, a lot of people wanted the ‘Mayor’s Son’ on their campus, but two sons that was like a dream to them and their scouts. So when I finally picked the college I wanted, they asked if JJ would be joining me. Which he did.” Bash shook his head remembering the trouble JJ caused that university.

“Nobody wants me for my title or my grades. They just want money. How am I supposed to do this? The task is to get into a college without financial help. So far getting a scholarship from every place in the world has failed. Because they said and I quote ‘your parents have too much money’.” I pushed and hand through my hair angrily.

“I have a friend at Hitchend Uni, I called and asked if he could do something. He said he’d see what he could do and call back soon.” Bash looked over to me seeing my sad eyes. “Little sister.”

“I just wish my life wasn’t like this. I wish it were different. That I didn’t have to worry about this stupid task or the fact that if I fail they’re going to kick me out without any financial support. They won’t even let me get a job to support myself, so what money will I have to fall back on?” I tried to relax staring out at the lake. A howl sounded over to the left of the forest.

“You know that Lara and I will take you in. We could never let you be homeless.” He placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Thankyou Sebastian.”

“Ooo using my full name. You must be serious.” He chuckled pulling me into a hug. I gladly accepted the warmth.

“Now come on time for bed.” He encouraged me inside and I listened. Slipping under the covers as he shut and locked the door.

“Goodnight little sister.”

“Goodnight big brother.” He smiled and closed the door. I rested a little easier that night, knowing that when everything goes to shit I have someone to turn to. I’m not alone.

Two more days. Today and tomorrow and then the freedom is gone. My head started to hurt more and more, the closer it got to leaving. New worries hitting me at every point throughout the day. I couldn’t stop thinking about all different kinds of problems that could happen. Soon enough, the last day rolled around.

A knock on the door had Bash’s head flicking in the noises direction. We were in the middle of breakfast, I was far too busy chowing down my Frosties to care who was at the door until I heard who Bash was talking to. He’d gone to get the door and now was conversing with whoever was there.

“Of course man, come in. We’re just having breakfast.” I went to leave, for now I was beyond pissed.

“Alex.” Lara shook her head at me, but I didn’t listen. Getting up from my seat only to run right into the person I wanted to avoid.

“Good morning Alexandra.” His voice was like honey, his sweet smile pushing me to stay. Dark blue graced his upper body again. Mustering up the best glare I could and sending it his way. I left, going back to my temporary room upstairs. Only a few seconds later he was stood in the door way.

“I want there to be no misunderstanding Alexandra. I no way want you to dislike me or be uncomfortable. However we will be spending the next eight months together and I have specific instructions from your father in terms of a schedule. It would be best if we got along don’t you agree?”

He had some fucking nerve. I grit my teeth taking a deep breath before turning to him and speaking.

“And I want there to be no misunderstanding when I say I have one more day left of freedom. And I would very much prefer to spend it without you, errand boy.” I wasn’t going to be told what to do by my father’s errand boy. Well, man.

The clench of his jaw, the raise of the eyebrow, the spark in his eyes gave me a sense of pride. I had just managed to rile up a grown man and he couldn’t do anything about it. It was in that moment I decided to spend the next eight months making his life as hellish as mine.

He left the room quickly, I couldn’t help the grin that grew with each passing second. For some reason, I didn’t know what that reason was but, I really liked getting him riled up and I couldn’t wait to see what happens when I push him too far and he snaps. I wonder what it is that he’ll do.

I felt my entire body heat up, I figured it was just the adrenaline rush that came with the situation rush. But the longer I stood and pondered, I felt like I was yearning for something? Heat shot through me again, it felt like when you get too hot and the waves of hotness just keep coming until you take off your jacket.

Shaking the feeling off, I made myself determined to go back to being normal for a day. That was ultimately the goal until Mr rugged showed up at the front door. Wonder if he’s still here? I tilted my head with the thought, trying to listen and see if I could hear any talking downstairs.

“Yeah, you idiot.” Lara laughed.

“Ah my loving wife, how ever did I deserve such a glorious mate that showers me with affection daily.” Bash’s sarcasm dripped with each word he spoke.

“Eww sloppy kisses!” Lara scream playfully.

That’s a new one. Never heard someone refer to their partner as a mate before. Strange but with my family stranger things happen every day. Not wanting to take my chances that he hadn’t left I stayed in my room for the rest of the day.

“Wish I could stay.” I huffed flopping down on my bed. Tomorrow was the day I left and I wasn’t ready.

This is it. No. It can’t be.

“Alex!”

It is. Pulling the sheet above my head, I let out a groan at the thought.

“I’m leaving today.” I said to myself, as if trying to ready myself for the journey ahead.

I got dressed and packed as slowly as possible. Didn’t have the appetite to eat anything. Felt like my stomach would lurch if I did. Couldn’t bare the thought of going away from the first place that had made me feel peaceful.

“Love you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots.” Lara repeated hugging me tightly.

“Okay Lara, let my baby sister breath.” Bash chuckled.

“Our sister.” She glared not letting go.

“Love you too” I smiled pulling away and walking to Bash. He enveloped me in a hug.

“You can do this.” He whispered, squeezing me before letting me go.

I got in the car that had pulled up twenty minutes ago. I didn’t mind making him wait. I waved goodbye to the happily married couple, mustering up the best smile I could. The gorgeous fir trees passed by not helping my solemn mood. Soon the mountains came into view, seeing a few houses dotted here and there on a few of them.

The car passed by the big village. Strings of houses here and there. There was a huge house in the middle of it. People walking about, looking my way, kids playing outside and others farming the land. We pulled up to a house that was slightly away from the village and a bit bigger than the other houses. The driver opened my door for me, smiling in thanks.

“Rustic.” I quipped looking at the house.

“Thanks.” My head snapped to Steve who had been walking my way, behind him was a trail going into the forest that I assumed led up to the mountains.

“Welcome to your new home for the next eight months.” He smiled and somehow, it seemed sincere.

Oh joy.

[everyonesfavoritelesbowrites]

RATLD Headcanons pt. 4

Fears and insecurities

Raya and Namaari both have nightmares of the betrayal in Heart.

During those six years, Namaari can't remember a night where she didn't have a nightmare. Almost all of them of the betrayal.

Having to be careful, Raya learned to sleep very lightly. The smallest amount of noise will make her spring into action. So she didn't get into deep sleep often, but whenever she did she would get nightmares as well.

While Namaari's dreams were mostly focused on her betraying Raya and it going a bit too far. Raya's dream were of her Ba or Namaari going too far.

With more interactions with each other throughout the years came more dreams

Namaari would have dreams where in a fight one would kill the other. Raya would dream similarly, but a lot of them would focus around the Druun.

Raya has many dreams of the Druun getting her, (sometimes getting Namaari but she didn't understand why it got her all worked up).

Namaari would sometimes dream of Fang's famine 100% worse and watching everyone die while she lives in Luxury. (Although she also grew up with not enough food, leaving her a malnourished child)

After the event in Spine, Namaari consistently dreams that she kills Raya instead of Sisu intervening.

She also had dreams of killing Sisu and Sisu not coming back or she would come back and blame her\revenge.

Raya dreams of the fight in Fang's throne room where instead she didn't hesitate and kills Namaari.

Raya also has a hard time sleeping in an actual bed once everything is back to "normal". She's so use to sleeping in trees or caves or against TukTuk that it's accutally too soft.

Raya also wakes up constantly, worried she'll be Druun food or just hearing the smallest noise.

One day she just can't take it anymore and goes for a walk, where she runs into Namaari who looks like she's having a panic attack.

"What are you doing out here, princess Undercut- woah, are you okay?"

They end up telling the other about their dreams and how the beds are too soft for Raya and somehow they end up in the same bed having the best sleep they have ever had.

If they are together it just becomes an unspoken routine where they will sleep together to have a peaceful nights sleep.

They almost always end up in each other's arms but they don't talk about that

Chief Virana and Chief Benja thinking they are sleeping together, like sleeping sleeping together and are surprised when they find out they aren't even dating yet

They wake up when the other has a nightmare and comfort them.

"You're okay."

"Just breath."

"I'm still alive, see? You didn't have the guts to actually kill me."

"Look at me."

"Do you need to go for a walk?"

"We can talk to Sisu if you want."

Raya wonders why Namaari's room is so... empty so she tries to ask her in a way where she can just play it off as a joke if Namaari gets uncomfortable

But Namaari tells her

Namaari tries to not get sentimental to any objects because she's afraid she'll lose them and the events that happened after giving her Sisu necklace to Raya haunt her.

She keeps any sentimental items she gets stored safely away so she won't lose them. It's mostly drawings kids make her or things Raya leaves behind

She also feels guilty to have such an extravagant room, to live in such luxury, when her people have a major homelessness problem. This goes side by side with her food insecurities, although she was pretty malnourished as a child.

She also thinks she deserves to be lonely, not that she already does did feel lonely, but making her room bare helps give her that feeling that she doesn't deserve anything. She thinks this is fair considering her past.

Raya is understanding but also is loosing her mind over Namaari being so hard on herself.

Raya tries to sneak some things into Namaari's room. It first disappears quickly, Namaari tucking them away for safe keeping but after a while, she tries to just let them stay.

She worries constantly, ending up just staring at whatever Raya brought in this time. Perhaps if she engraves it into her memory, she won't worry if she loses it.

It takes a while, but Namaari eventually gets to the point where she won't feel sick not putting things away. She can just let it be with only a few thoughts of worry.

Raya becoming comfortable enough to sleep through the smallest of sounds, but she's never going to not wake up to sounds, it's just too engraved into her.

Namaari smiling when Raya doesn't wake up from a small bird outside the window.

A storm comes around one night in Heart when Namaari is visiting. Raya wakes up from a loud boom of thunder and finds Namaari literally shaking.

Namaari is scared of Thunderstorms, or more specifically loud noises send her into panic.

She has trained herself to not panic when there's a single or just a few loud noise/s, but if it's consistent she just can't handle it.

Raya, unable to sleep anyway, comforts Namaari and tries to distract her.

"We could spar."

"I can ask Sisu if her brother can make it stop."

"Tell me about the things you learned about Dragons as a kid."

"Remember when [moment]?"

"When I was 15, I [tells crazy story]."

"Let's go get [Serlot name], I bet she'd love to cuddle!"

"What do you think makes the noise of thunder?"

"Hey, I thought you weren't scared of anything, dep la. How can I make you flinch like that?"

"I wish I was the one making you shake like that." "What?" "Nothing! Tell me about your cat!"

"Under the blankets, Undercut."

"Shut up thunder!"

Namaari not seeing Raya eat any food when she comes to Fang and asking who made a dish when she's in Heart.

Sisu mentions something about poison and it just clicks.

Namaari hands Raya a dish in Fang, taking her own bite right in front of her first. "Just checking for poison."

After a few times of doing this, Raya ends up confessing to being posioned when she was 13. Namaari understands and keeps tasting food for her and even starts cooking for them right in front of her.*

"Don't forget to check for poison." "Of course, dep la."

"I didn't take you for a cook, let alone a good one." "It's better than your Jackfruit jerky, that's for sure."

Namaari admits to refusing to eat meals given to her unless she pays, otherwise she has to make it herself.*

Raya telling her that she paid for foods in Heart for Namaari, even if it's a slight lie. She's the princess, she kinda gets whatever she wants.*

Namaari paying Boun after they watch him cook for them

Raya gets separation anxiety, worrying that her Ba turned to stone again although it's not posible. She even worries for Namaari but she won't admit to that

Namaari reminds her that her Ba is fine and it helps

Her Ba also comforting her about it ofc

"If anyone will turn to stone, it'll probably be me not your Ba." this doesn't help but she won't tell Namaari she has dreamt of her being stone as well

Namaari accidentally hurting Raya during a Spar and she like breaks. She refuses to talk to her and avoids her because she feels horrible and it reminds her of Spine and Fang's Throne room.

Raya ends up cornering her and is afraid she did something wrong but Namaari admits that she's beating herself up for hurting her and Raya's heart swells and breaks at the same time.

"I've done worse to myself."

"It's literally nothing."

"It won't even scar."

Raya also hates to hurt Namaari.

"Fuck! I'm so sorry! Here, get me so it's fair!"

"I didn't mean to, I swear."

"If it does scar, it'll look sexy..." "What?" "I mean awesome, it'll look awesome. You're not sexy at all."

Raya notices Namaari acting strange around Sisu and asks about it. Namaari explains how whenever she looks at Sisu or even hears her or someone mentions her, the memory of shooting her replays in her head. She explains how she has nightmares about it and hates herself for it.

Raya comforts her by explaining how it wasn't her fault, or at least not entirely. Raya admits how she should have trusted Sisu.

"It's all in the past, we can't do anything about it, Namaari."

"I feel like I have to make it up to her... to everyone." "You literally saved the world but go all out I guess."

Raya stages an "intervention" for Namaari, bringing Sisu to talk to her so they both can make it better for Namaari.

"Don't you hate me?" "No! Why would I!?"

"I don't hold it against you, Namaari."

"What can I do to make it up to you?" "You don't have to do anything! You already saved the world!"

"Well... You could hang out with me more often."

Afterwords, the tension is much better but it takes a bit longer for Namaari to really open up with Sisu.

Namaari also ends up taking with Chief Benja about trying to take the gem. He's too understanding.

"I understand if you despise me, Chief Benja." "I don't."

"If I was in your position, I would have probably done the same to be honest..."

"If I had known your nation was in famine..."

"I don't blame you, it would have happened either way. It was just simply a matter of who and when."

Namaari only feeling intimidated by three people. Her mother, Chief Benja, and Sisu. Maybe Raya when they were fighting but not anymore.

Raya having issues letting people in. Mostly on instinct.

She gets defensive immediately.

"Why do you [add something here]?" "Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy Benturi." *Silence* "I'm sorry, [explains]."

"Dewdrop, what have you been up to?" "None of your business- fuck, i'm sorry, Ba. I was sparring with Namaari."

"Are you okay?" "Who cares?" "...... I do?" "Right, sorry, I'm good."

"Where did you get that scar?" "Minding my own fucking business- I mean, I tripped on a rock accutally." *Namaari still processing*

Raya eventually gives in but it takes a while and a lot of comfort from Namaari and sisu but whatever

*I elaborated on this before