#but the thing its still funny. like those moments in both movies are still rly funny moments and part of that is bc its like omg wtf

[caruliaa]

i do not think i fully considered just how gruesome of a death being crushed by a giant bell is in the almost two years i was obsessed with a movie where that happens to the antagonist at ages 13-14 and the month and a week were i have been obsessed with a movie where that happens to the protagonist at age 18 until just now

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

[shibalen]

💥hewwo can I pwease get a romantic male matchup for bnha (darkbox bc I live for angst) (music box) when you have the time uwu

Levi he/him gay entp supposedly (also if it's not too much to ask please no characters under the age of 18 please)

I've been described as having a strong and loud personality, I'm extroverted and outspoken. I'm pretty eccentric too.

I value friendship, kindness and standing up for others.

Goal wise I'm pretty aimless. I dont have any goals, if I die well I guess that's it babey. In the meantime I'm just here to help animals and people who need it.

Positive traits: I always stick up for people in need, I'm good at reading people, I'm good with animals, I love to make people smile and laugh, cheerful, good at talking my way out of bad situations, uhm. Friendly!

Negative traits would be: hot headed, loud, stubborn, arrogant, comes across as intimidating:( good at getting into bad situations, gets into fights very often. Can be spiteful, I've been described as a pyromaniac so theres that. Can be sadistic

What pisses me off: my father. I can and will cause trouble for that man for as long as I live. And people who pick on the weak.

My hobbies and interests areeee: true crime babey! Crying over video games, baking, the occult, taking naps, dream interpretations and tarot readings

Likes: animals, cats specifically, stars, fire, sunsets, supposedly haunted places, storms, being dramatic for the hell of it, tormenting people in a good hearted way

Dislikes: uhhhh hot weather I guess.

Quirks: uh I have 5 cats! Ones my fathers but he never takes care of his cat so i pretty much count him as my own (plus he likes me more than my dad and it pisses my dad off hehe) I have weirdly accurate intuition, it makes reading people easy, knowing what they want to hear and what they dont.

Uhhh dates and relationship wise I'm honestly happy doing whatever my s/o wants to do. All I want is to see their face light up.

My love language is physical touch, I dont like touching people but if it's someone I feel strongly about youd have to pry me away from them.

I once got kicked out of a library for starting a fight in it, trashy I know but I wasnt going to stand there and do nothing while my friends were being bullied and pressured into getting involved with a really dodgy man. I scared the bullies off for good at least B) they never bothered my friend again babey

Oh I'm also known around the area I live in as someone who's good at finding homes of lost pets. Often times I come across a lost animal and befriend it in no time and use my connections to find its family.

Sorry if this was rly long and thank you for your time!! I hope you have a fantastic day uwu if anything's too difficult to come up with ideas for I'm more than happy for you to change anything to make it easier for you too!

♡︎ matchup for anon

heya! here i am with another late matchup but i hope you still see this. i'm sorry about the delay (╯_╰)

bnha: i match you with . . .

natsuo todoroki !!

• this was one of those "heureka!" moments for me. you both hate your dads and hot weather? it's a match made in heaven! okay jk, these are just nice add-ons.

• what really made me consider Natsuo were your values and personality. kindness and friendships are important to both of you. Natsuo's a medical student so i am convinced helping others is high on his priority list too. he loves your driven and passionate nature because he doesn't go sugarcoating bs either.

• you're definitely the more energetic one while Natsuo only gets hot-headed about the things that are the most important to him. i think it's a good compromise, you can help each other out :)

• he was a little taken aback and cautious of your explosiveness at first but warmed up to it quickly after learning what a kind person you really were. now he thinks your dramatic attitude is funny during your sillier moments ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

• speaking of, you lads met at an animal shelter. there had been a dog that was astray in the neighbourhood of his home, so Natsuo, being a responsible boyo, took it to the local shelter.

• then there you were, standing by the help desk with five kittens wrapped in your jacket in your arms. apparently someone had been trying to drown them so you'd taken care of the situation accordingly.

• Natsuo understood jumping into a lake to rescue the poor animals because he would have done the same, but you could have had just called the police?? it was extremely ridiculous but admirable at the same time to beat all those guys up.

• your chat turned into a pleasant conversation afterwards as you were waiting for the animals to finish their check-ups. Natsuo was a bit shy but you didn't mind and kept the chat going which he appreciated.

• later he volunteered to help you look for good homes for the animals you'd both found. during this project the two of you got to know each other quite well and ended up hanging out together afterwards!

• and from that point on, everything fell into place naturally. the growing spark between you was undeniable and you both knew it. Natsuo definitely liked you longer, he was just a lil dense about it . . .

• you're nothing short of a hero in his eyes but dear lord he worries for you. when he's attending lectures he sometimes can't help but wonder if you're all right and not getting involved in anything violent.

• attends to your possible injuries while nagging you not to be so quick to start a fight next time. in return, you playfully bully him for being such a mom.

• you join forces with Fuyumi to pick on him about your relationship. even though you're already together, soft Natsuo still blushes when his affection for you is brought up, it's entertaining for both you and Fuyumi.

• idk if you've heard but Natsuo's 181cm tall!! hugging someone has never been easier even if you happen to be taller than him. the only thing is his skin's naturally kind of chilly so he's lowkey worried if you dislike it but you always assure him he's perfect!

• one time he was stressed over exams so you baked him some blueberry muffins. he gave you the biggest hug and kiss because it's exactly all these little things you do that set his heart racing for you ♡︎

• "last night i saw a dream about being a frog and eating giant flies, it was gross."

• "oh, that just means your love life is about to become fun."

• "i'm not sure how those two are related."

• "just trust me. i'm a pro at this."

• he also likes giving you headpats as much as he likes receiving them! his hands are quite big so he often runs his fingers through your hair when you're cuddling or hugging. it's especially relaxing after a long period of studying. also him carring you on his broad back ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)

• you enjoy the little things in life and complain about your fathers together. you've agreed to wait a while before even mentioning your relationship to them because, honestly, Natsuo doesn't want any more horrible influences in your life.

• you get him sucked into the world of video games. it's always fun to watch him struggle but he never gets salty about losing maybe a lil he adores your smile as you laugh at him for being so bad at them.

• your dates include: helping out at animal shelters and retirement homes, video game and movie nights (especially about true crime), arcades and astronomy tower explorstions. i feel like Natsuo's more into traditional, romantic and chill dates and that's your usual thing. though i see sometimes you going to get coffee and ending up solving a 50-year-old murder case instead (✧ω✧)

❦︎ ink box

— despite Natsuo's best efforts to distance himself from Endeavor, it wasn't quite as easy and everyone was very much aware of the Todoroki family. and now the son of the number 1 hero had a lover.

— it wasn't actually that troublesome at first. some newpaper paparazzi occasionally annoyed you but you didn't care for them. most of the time Natsuo and you had your peace during dates aside from a few casual fans.

— but of course there are all sorts of people out there, some out for revenge, some for money, and being desperate means using even the lowest of methods to get what you want.

— so one time it happened, and it was all that took. several bitter villains thought they'd get their revenge through you, silly as it may sound. they made a big show of kidnapping you and demanding Endeavor to 'make up' for his wrongdoing. but all got resolved thanks to heroes, the only casualty being Natsuo's heart from almost exploding from worry and his deepening hatred for his father.

— later on, it wasn't that Natsuo was worried about you not being able to handle yourself, he feared what might happen if more of powerful villains came after you.

— so, after some debate, you agreed not to meet up for a short while to let the fuse of the incident settle down. it would be safer once the media forgot about it. you still texted and chatter over phone though!

— but then a week turned into two weeks, then into a month. you were wondering what was taking Natsuo to say the coast was clear and did a straight-up inquiry through a video chat.

— you could see he was restless the entire time. he said you should wait longer just to be sure everything was calm before meeting up. you became irritated because he was obviously lying and not being his normal, brutally honest self.

— why was he giving you this crap straight to your face?

— truthfully, Natsuo hadn't been sleeping all right recently. ever since that day he had reoccurring nightmares about something awful happening to you. they were just dreams, he knew. yet considering his ruffled up past and the frequency of those horrible visions, it would have been lie to say he was unaffected.

— paranoia just wouldn't leave him alone, and no matter how much he wanted to hold you in his arms again and hated making up stupid excuses, the voice at the back of his mind whispered this was for the best.

— after a month and a half had passed you've had just about enough, however. whatever reason he was keeping you in the dark for did no longer stop you from crashing into his house and demanding the truth.

— Natsuo knew you and expected this to eventually happen. after you made such a powerful entrance though he also knew there was no getting around it this time. really, it was comforting knowing you cared so deeply.

— he told you exactly what had been happening and you resisted the urge to punch him in the arm for having such a mindset. but the look in his beautiful grey eyes was so heartbreaking you threw yourself to embrace him instead. your touch was everything Natsuo had craved for for all this time.

— you skillfully assured him for the next couple of hours while keeping the talk light-hearted (he had obviously been overthinking way too much already). soon enough the issue was resolved and you had a sleepover right there to make uo for the lost time (Shoto and Fuyumi kept eavesdropping on you because y'all were being way too loud in a cute way).

— "i love you, Natsu, but if you ever keep something like this a secret from me again, i can't guarantee the safety of your arm or your front door."

♫︎ music box

— If I Had An Airplane by SayWeCanFly

— This December by Rick Montgomery

— Round & Laundry from Carole and Tuesday

— Haven't Had Enough by Marianas Trench

— Bowie On The Radio by Ryan McMullan

♡︎ runner up: Dabi / Touya Todoroki

thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoyed this! i'm really pleased about matching you with Natsuo, it's just so perfect. have a lovely day and remember to take care of yourself ♡︎

[kendrixtermina]

Sigh. Chibnall.

Jodie Whittaker and demographic realism

So I want to make clear that I have no problems whatsoever with Jodie Whittaker’s performance - the character seamlessly kept walking across the screen, she has great energy, love the steampunk goggles. 

Honestly I’ve always believed that giving existing characters a demographic change is not really as revolutionary or helpful as ppl think; New characters and stories (esp. told by writers of those samedemographics) solve the problem much better. Keeping specificity is often better than losing it, and the character still has a background (from an “advanced” civilization that used to do dirty deeds and is still kind of uppity attitudes, a character who’s decided to be against that attitude but still needs to be knocked own from the occasional uppity moment; It makes sense for them to look like a british dude, and they have the freedom to go wherever problems like sexism and racism don’t exist so... ), and will be linked to its origin.  But at worst something that will look dated in a few years like the 80s outfits, the show’s done dated and crowdpleasing before; There’s no hard reason not to do it and I expected no quality dip. 

It certainly worked as as attention grab, the premiere drew a lot of attention but that only lasted as long as it took for the reviews to go sour. But one of the main good things its proponents said could come of it was to help the lack of female anti heroes. So far she really didn’t get to anti hero much; It’s not Whittaker, it’s the scripts. 

I want to make this clear: Varied demograpics are good; 

This is why I kind of hate the term “diversity” is one of those vague euphemisms if you mean “demographic representation”, “social equity” or “demographic realism” just say that. 

In a way this is a good thing, it used to be only the best boldest writers who could get away, noadays it has become acceptable to have varied casts. And that’s how it should be artshouldn’t have to have to pass some arbitrary quality standard to simply reflect reality. But as the rebootverse and star trek discovery should’ve proved realistic demographics can’t replace good writing. Sometimes lack of realistic demographis is associated with bad writing because both come from play-it-safe more-of-the-same consummerism focussed sameyness, often someone who goes against the formulas has a solid vision which makes them good, and focussing on ignored topics and perspectives can yield new ideas (consider stuff like Wonder Woman, Get Out, Black Panther... which were just good, novel movies) but you could have a super interesting memorable story where everyone is a medieval european monk, but the characters are differentiated by personality, attitude, beliefs, or something where the cast ticks all sort of all demographic boxes but the characters are 1D and the story trite and predictable

On the one hand you get those gamergate adjacent fanboys who make “diversity” and “good writing” out to be enimical opposites and then you have the purists/antis who treat any critique of writing to be founded in having something against realistic demographics. You need both! 

Series 11

There were good things about it: An attempt at leastto do more of your classic thought provoking space operas or going back to the shows’ pulp fiction roots, covering some historic periods/topics other than the classic historical fiction tropes (they got a pakistani writer, had Yaz and Ryan discuss social topics among themselves etc.), the emotional story centered around this family coping with a loss, having Ryan sort of be the “main” companion and the one the rest of the team is protective of

But overall the reason I didn’t rush to watch s12 as soon as it came out is that it was a bit... bland. The team interacted mostly with each other; The Doctor had more charge with one shot characters like King James or the Solitract than she really did with the companions. Graham was such a missed opportunity. Remember how everyone loved the dynamic with Wilfred? No attempt to strike a bond over how they’re the older party members, or the professional xenophile trying to nudge the bilbo baggins like reluctant hero? We’re told the Doctor really likes Yaz, and I believe it cause she always liked people like that, but are we shown?

For all that Moffat and RTD were very different writers with different strenghts and weaknesses, both were very character-driven writers, and that was really missing here a bit. 

Some ppl said they didn’t give Yaz enough screentime or personality - but the thing is, they did try. They just failed. They let her make little remarks here and there about her homelife, they just never really assembled into a whole beyond buzzwords and inspirational platitudes and the Standard Companion Traits. I didn’t get a read on what she’s about or who she’s like until the pakisan episode where she unlike Barbara, Donna etc. immediately accepted that the past can’t be changed. Ah, I finally thought, she’s a very responsible dutiful person.

Everything lacks edges and defining moments. 

So far, I didn’t sweat it. I though, ok, not everything can be the high-concept character driven spec fic epic type of story that is my personal favorite. Every time there was some addition to the mythos in any way someone cried ruined forever. When the time lords first appeared. When the time war was introduced. 

The classics too were lower on the character driven ness; Still good pulp fiction content. (imho the character concepts themselves were often pretty good, just not used to the fullest and some of the actresses were treated crappy backstage)

I thought “okey, it wouldn’t be good to break with the tradition of making the sussequent incarnations contrasting”

I did think that there was much liberty with the additions which the others did do only towards the end when it feltmore earned, but, the addition of say, sisters, isn’t too disruptive

Series 12 and the Timeless Child Nonsense

The frustrating thing about this is that it COULD have been good. 

The Master teaming up with the cybermen to try and take over Gallifrey is precisely the sort of story the classics would’ve done. 

“Your society is founded on a shady secret and exploitation of the innocent” is a good plot twist especially in these times. The Master finding that secret and using it to his advantage - also very him. 

Imagine what it could have been like if it had been approached from the perspective of someone who, for all that they were a rebel, still sort of profited from being part of that society, someone who wants to take responsibility for that past and would maybe have to make some tough choice to let the exploitation victim go because it’s right even if it has cosequences for themselves and their civilization. 

but then you ruin that by immediately taking the protagonist out of that society. They and they alone are the victim. 

like this plot could have been good except for the twist that the Doctor and the timeless child are the same. 

Not connecting it to existing lore about the earlier war game days, everything with Omega and Rassilon, that bit about the Time Lord becoming what they were through exposure to the untempered schism... that might be forgiven. Even if it does stretch the suspension of disbelief that every single piece of sci fi scanning equipment in the show didn’t pick anything up; Not to mention that it destroys the stake on every heroic sacrifice or death prophecy plot, every time a companion or oneshot character took the bullet, the whole “out of regens” plot...

This is not me being mad about things being added or changed, but this being done in such a way that undermines the philosophy, the whole flavor... 

Yes, the MC is mysterious, the 7th Doctor arcs did a lot with this etc. but doesn’t spelling something out this clear not deplete rather than add to that? It#s a definite answer even if the final origin isn’t clear. 

But they’re so much else.

The trickster hero accomplishing great deeds with planning, guile, improvisation and duct tape, the implicit value that ressourcefulness trumps raw power. 

The rebel, different because they chose to be or made themselves to be such through their adventures, sticking to their own values in a close-minded society - who embodies & encourages thinking for yourself in every situation and universal plot, who battles enemies like the Daleks and Cybermen that represent comformity

Yeah they have many names yeah they take out gods... but all this was the result of their actions & path in pursuit of knowledge, and also, as Moffat once stated, the funny part is that behind all the fearsome reputation is wit and duct tape. 

The fish in a small pond who started out a misfit, failed their tardis driving exam... etc. and often made a point that they didn’t want immortality or endless godlike power. That’s meaningless if they had it to begin with. 

The explorer who wanted to see more than their corner of the world. 

The ANTI HERO that’s made alltogether too tragic here, too absolved from their uppity civilization

All that is wiped away if they were this special creature to begin with.

Where WAS the philosophy, rly? The big humanist speeches that made me love the show. 

Going Forward

So I think - I HOPE - that this in particular will be treated like the “half human” thing from the TV movie or the now josses additional origin stories from the audios, or be handwaved under the “you cant get it wrong cause everything is in flux” carpet

It’s the Master effing with her to pay her back for the half broken chameleon arch thing. 

It’s possible the Child actually existed, long dead or trapped somewhere - again, dirty mystery at the bottom of a stck-up society is a good twist. but this shouldn’t be more than another maybe in the multiple choice past not a definite answer. 

Also, i hate this line of thought but I can’t stave it off: Why is is now that the MC looks female that we get this vulnerable, passively victimized tomato surprise rather than something with an ugly but definite choice in it. 

I will probably ignore it - parts of me resents this cause “your civilization is based on a lie” could be such a good plot twist (then again the existing twists to that end from the classics and End of Time do enough rly) but if i have to choose between that and the basic meaning of the character....

[superemeralds]

ive had my own idea for a sonic movie that would still be live action and a generic child-friendly action-comedy just like the “real” sonic movie is (presumably) gonna be

IN SHORT!

The main character that makes a duo with sonic for the majority of the movie is a young girl named June.

The overall plot is very similar to sonic x, but altered to fit the time span of the usual one and a half hours movie length in movies like that.

detailed description, explanation of the pictures and character info under the cut!

Through a mal-induced chaos control eggman and sonics friends get transported into the real world. this time space rift causes some really weird stuff to happen and June gets seperated from her dad, who was just on his way to bring her to school.

at first she thinks its cool to meet a talking blue hedgehog in a really pretty nature-y place and skip school to play with him, but soon they notice that they are not alone. Eggmans robots got transported to our world too! June gets captured because she is seen with sonic and therefore identified as a threat by eggmans robots! Sonic runs after her towards what seems to be eggmans base.

meanwhile the dad was transported to a really high place, whihc is bad cos he’s  got fear of heights. Luckily tails and knuckles appear and offer to help him down

both teams start looking for eachother, but get interrupted by various obstacles. June and Sonic get hold off by eggmans schemes, while Dad and Sonics friends stumble upon amy, who just escaped a military research facility. she hoped that cream would be with the others, but it seemed that they had to go back and save her. the Dad used to be a hobby boxer, but since he’s a lawyer he doesn’t really do that much anymore. it surely helped him when taking out those government officials. its funny how a lawyer breaks the law, right? there’s many jokes on that and his character development goes from strict father figure that doesnt allow fun and insists on obeying the law to a wild and free man who does what’s right, even if  he has to break rules. (also he screams “sorry” every time he KOs someone because hes that kinda guy)

June and sonic manage to infiltrate the egg carrier that was transported into our world and set it to crash and render all his stuff useless!

However, the ship is on course for the city which they didnt realize until it started losing height. eggman pretends that he can still stop this if the people are willing to make him their unquestionable ruler, but sonic and june are determined to stop the ship themselves. sonic keeps eggman busy while June is in the command center trying to find a way to make the ship change course and go crash in the ocean.

in the end everything is exploding and falling apart and eggman is fleeing, June managed to change the ships course and runs up to sonic telling him he needs to run, sonic says that she doesnt have to tell him twice and they go.

sonic gets blown to the side by an explosion and trips over debris, making his knee bleed a little (u cant see blood bc this is kid friendly hes just hurt like theres dirt or smth lol) and he tells june to run and not worry, but she comes back and lifts him on her back and is determined to run as fast as she can to get outside

when she reaches a door she screams because she’s scared. they are close to the ground, but not close enoguh to make it alive if she jumped... then sonic hugs her from behind and says “jump on my command” and shes like. no way. but he says “trust me we’re not gonna get hurt if we hit water” and shes like “but i cant swim that well” sonic chuckles “me neither” and then she gets the memo and is all determined and ready and they make it and its magical

they might also have a scene thats a nudge to 06 where sonic is very Positive and gives good life advice.

while everything seems like its perfect eggman is starting plan B of his conquer the others were all alarmed by the crashing egg carrier and therefore came speeding in the modified car tails rebuild for Dad (it can turn into a fucken plane. Dad and June are finally reunited and he thanks sonic for watching after her, and sonics like nah ur daughter totally watched after me shes a hero.

and then they work together to stop eggmans final boss robot and save the city.

at some point they all found chaos emeralds somewhere. and sonic can turn super to finish eggman off. yeah that sounds cool.

that also makes him and the others fade back into their own dimension, bc hes Got That Power

in the end its just him, June and Dad iin midst of a park in the city with debris and shit and June is like. sonic dont go we jsut became friends

and sonics like. treasure the memories you make and live life to the fullest bc u only got this one shot and u gotta make the best of it. n her dad is all agreeing and shakes his hand and is like. thanks sonic

and June hugs him and cries but smiles and sonic says nice smile bc im kinda getting emotional writing this all out and then he disappears in a flash of light and in that moment it cuts to the mom on the side of the park in her car with the window down going “what the-” and credits roll

thanks for reading

okay i know most of this was really silly and unfinished but granted i was making this all up as i went on and on about this and like. yea. i brainstormed this in like. 2 horus time completely from scratch, only using sonic X as basis for the plot and the humor of popular and successful action comedies as inspiration for the tone of the movie

as for the characters i just thoguht a carefree girl thats tired of being stuffed into a mold meeting sonic and learning that its okay to be herself and do what u think is right, learning that kindness really is the most powerful thing on earth and that friendships are precious??? hell fucking yeah!

also child character is more relateable than a fucking cop. kids will be able to relate to June, while adults (long time fans most of all) will be able to see their past self in her.

as for the dad, a lot of adults might see themselves in this dad role who just wants the best for his  kid, while being stuck in a boring job that doesnt really fulfil them, but pays the bills and the lifestyle the family has.

I also really wanted characters that you have not seen before. Whenever i see a black dad he has a shaved head and thats kinda boring its just. basic. nothing agianst dads with shaved heads but why is Every Single(black) Dad Bald/Buzzcut? so i gave him dreads because why not? looks cool when he does action shit. whoosh whoosh

i knew i wanted a kid and i knew i wanted a girl. im really fond of puffy pigtails and i decided to go with a black girl just because! it was the very first thing that came to my mind when i was looking for an adventurous girl that wants to go on adventures with a blue talking hedgehog.

plus loving black dads that lov their girls rly rly need rep u_u

as for sonics design, i tried to compromise with the movie’s need for a more realistic sonic by making him overall fluffier to hint at texture, but keeping his core design and proportions.

the same goes for all the other characters.

I’m still very thinking emoji about eggman, I think it would be best to have him be either played by a fat person. Like Really Fat Person to resemble his original design (hes fat okay who cares abt slanky legs) or have him be CGI/partially CGI due to the fact that he’s from another dimension.

and uh. that’s all i have to say for now! it’s 1am and i should get to bed!

[kelvintimeline]

STEPHANIE’S POST ACTUALLY SEEING ENDGAME REVIEW--SPOILER FILLED LIST OF EVERYTHING WRONG WITH TIHS MOVIE I COULD NOTICE IN BETWEEN MENTAL RANTS

 okay, so, during the movie, i spent hafl the time compiling rants in my brain about eveyrthing wrong with it and then emailed myself every point so i would not forget what made me mad

this is one of the most passively racist and sexist movies i have seen in a while it was just... completely devoid of any meaningful women or people of color (or... women of color) for so much of the film? and those who were present got shafted a lot. like... literally all of the women except for nebula existed to tell a man’s story.

which brings me to the point that we NEED to talk about the theme of family in this movie--it’s constantly brought up. clint misses his family, tony now has a family (because just dating someone isnt’ a family? this is a very nuclear famiyl oriented understanding of family), gamora and nebula are family, natasha never knew her family but the avengers are her family

and tha’s the crux of it--natasha calls the avengers her family, steve calls avengers family, but that’s not good enough to save her

when natasha and clint are on the cliff, clint makes a great point about why he should die--he’s become a terrible person (he spends half the movie just killing “evil people” who are all people of color, see: talking about how racist this movie is--literally “ronin” clint is better at a samurai sword than a japanese man and now speaks japanese?? why?? it felt like a bad martial arts parody movie--like those racist movies ppl would make about white men slaughtering samurais just not GOOD) and natasha has finally erased the red in her ledger by doing good. natasha dies anyways (literally forces him to kill her) because she’s stopped being useful to her “family” and his family is an actual family.

which brings me to--steve and natasha explicitly talk about two things--how they are family and how it is important to move on.

moving on is a CENTRAL part of this movie--the time travel works in large part so everyone can move on from their losses. thor moves on from his mother’s death, tony gets closure with his father, clint gets what should have been a last moment seeing his happy family, etc. steve gets to see peggy.

steve does not move on. steve LITERALLY HAS MULTIPLE LINES ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO MOVE ON AND STEVE DOES NOT MOVE ON. steve tells a gay man mourning his dead husband while trying to date someone new that moving on is important and steve still goes back in time to stay with peggy.

what’s worse, steve goes back in time and tells bucky to wait for hima nd not do anything stupd KNOWING HE MIGHT NOT MAKE IT BACK BECAUSE HES CHOOSING TO LIVE OUT HIS ENTIRE LIFE IN TEH PAST.

what’s EVEN WORSE THAN THAT--literally right the fuck after bucky and sam gets dusted he’s alreayd thinking about peggy? he never once mentions sam/bucky besides a quick mention of bucky being alive to trick past steve.

more fucked up shit around sam/bucky/steve--sam offers to go back with him but bucky doesn’t?? when old man steve returns, bucky doens’t even try to talk to him? despite being the one to notice him? steve doesn’t stand with bucky and sam at tony’s funeral why?

steve and bucky and sam and so many otehres are FAMILY but not enough family to make steve stay

steve aint worthy

steve apparently DID STAY IN THIS FUCKING TIMELINE? since he didn’t return via the pym particles or wahtever he literally aged into the present AND LET EVERY BAD THING HAPPEN YOu DON’T DO THAT TO PEOPLE YOU LOVE HE LET HYDRA AND TEH WINTER SOLDIER PROGRAM HAPPEN??

unless i don’t udnerstand the time travel--> separate unierse thing which is possible BECAUSE ITS’ FUCKING STUPID

if the universe splits into a different universe when the stones are removed--this would be an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TIMELINE WHEN THANOS DESTROYED THE STONES which means when tehy returned hte stones, they actually would’ve reverted back to the timeline before he destroyed the stones-an infinite loop

why couldn’t they snap tehir dead back to life?

where did thanos’ army come from?

when his army disappeared why didn’t gamora disappear too?

did they think i would forget that they could de-age people? scott was turned young again--why can’t they make steve young agian, lmao

why didn’t steve take every single vial of particles he could get? like he only took a couple ie as many as were necessary for the plot

how did thanos/gamora/nebula travel on only one vial? why werne’t other ppl sharing vials then??

why was okoye gone all film? like the answer is misogynoir but like... seriosuly why?

WHY DID TONY BLAME STEVE FOR THE SNAP HAPPENING?

WHY DID STEVE SPEND LTIERALLY THE ENTIRE FILMT ELLING TONY HE TRUSTS HIM, THAT TONY IS RIGHT (EVEN WHEN HE WAS EXPLICITLY WRONG AND WAS PROVEN TO BE WRONG), AND THEN CRYING OVE RHIM?

also they still fucked up the timelines?? the timelines are changed AFTER they removed the stones nad yet they did shit to fuck up the timelines trying to get the stones--which means every dumb ass thing they did to get eth stones remains in the timeline. unless steve returns the stones to BEFORE they actually took the stones, in whcih? that makes no sense?

nebula’s “network” connection between her prsent and past self made no sense either

thor literally made valkyrie (who hadn’t been with the asgardians from many years) queen so that they could write her out of his movies as he’s not a member of GOTG

ltos of girl power moments actually worked like that--every time a woman did something cool, it was to harm her in some way. valkyrie is “queen” so she’s no longer relevant to thor’s plot

the moment where all of the girls (besides the dead ones :) ) teamed up just had them get beaten down in teh end? like it was for nothing? that’s not... girl power. also, they wouldn’t even be able to fit all of the important men into one screen so it’s just embarrassing

talking about weird shit about women--EVEYR woman EVER in the series comes back but they don’t even mention sharon, the girl steve was dating, at all, like even confirm if she was dusted or not, beacuse they know that makes steggy look bad

literally even JANE got new moments but sharon couldn’t come up

talking about jane--making thor hung up on her is fucking weird he has a girlfriend? who he treats like shit, tbf. thor’s character was an extended fat joke. he liteally says he isn’t fit to be king and that he was just pretending aftter getting a speech from his mother saying that isn’t true. ragnarok thor was killed off in the worst way. also his mother literally existing just to be like... an emotional spport woman was misgoynistic as fuck lmao

like thor’s cahracter WHOMST?

also, like, the hail hdyra moment was the nastiness shit i’ve seen in a long fucking time?? including antisemitism in your movie just ot reference a comic book run that was panned by both people who hate antisemitism and also antisemitic fanboys who like good writing (like it just wasn’t written well) is just... antisemitic. it was a reference for anti semitism’s sake

the moments they choose to get this shit was also so fuckign arbitrary? you couldn’t retrieve half these stones at like... normal times? also how did they know where to find them in the shield vaults or like where to find the pym particles

the writing in this movie was just ‘what is most convenient for moving the plot along/fanservice/humanizing tony’

talking about humanizing tony did pepper give birth like the sceond after the snap? their child is so old for a five year time skip like... i guess since tony didn’t lose anyone in the snap besides peter it didn’t affect how horny he was

also the peter/tony stuff was so oevrblown???????? THEY WEREN’T CLOSE?? TONY TREATED HIM LIKE SHIT FOR 80% OF HOMECOMING??

its so nice and convenient that ned got snapped too--all of peter’s friends get snapped so no one is 22 and out of high school (also i refuse to watch far from home because i feel like old man steve dying is just gonna be a fly by comment)

talking about the snap--the list of names in the graveyard made sense but it felt like a war/actual genocide memorial and it felt... cheap and gross and also why teh fuck was it placed in that random part of town?

ALSO LIKE?? wanda and clint talk and they make it seem like vision and natasha’s death are equally bad the mcu rly does just ahte women

also the women all get make overs?? why is natasha dying her hair in the middle of the end of the world

why did tony get a funeral but natasha doesn’t?

the guardians having a funny moment with thor instead of discussing gamora felt........ bad

there were two steves in the main universe how the fuck does that make sense?????? how does that not affect the timeline also what happened to peggy’s husbAND?

there are other things wrong with it but this is all i wrote down in my emails to myself. there were a lot of individual moemnts that pissed me off but then something else would happen to piss me off and i would forget what i was mad about before that

[misas-biggest-fan]

some detailed thoughts on an LABB movie w a ‘read more’ bc i have A Lot To Say

i want it to be a movie bc i love movies

im also open to the concept of a mini series but a full tv show might be a challenging stretch

animated or live action would both be incredible and both have their unique pros and cons

the whole thing is DISTINCTLY LA

busy streets and palm trees and the Hollywood sign and the shiny, overly false glamour of everything

would really contrast well with Rue Ryuzaki’s disturbing fake-ness

like he’s just as fake as the whole city, that both he and Hollywood have on this costume to hide tragedy and hideous deeds

i want it to have the glitz and glam and extravagance of the recent gatsby movie (which i adore, dont come for me)

if bahz luhrmann doesn’t direct i will RIOT id die for bahz luhrmann he’s Good and he has the same energy and chaotic attitude of beyond birthday himself

i want beyond to have a scene like the one where Nick realizes who Gatsby is and Gatsby turns around with the champagne flute and the fireworks go off in slow motion as he smiles that’s my favorite shot in all of cinematic history no joke

it’s HIGHLY STYLIZED. i want bright colors and weird aesthetic choices

I also want some shockingly beautiful frames of LA and surprisingly sophisicated shots of Beyonds face lit up in different neon colors or something

Indie enough to be weird and fun but pop enough to be easily digestible

it opens with mello writing his book (like moulin rouge!! a;lsdjfk)

his burn scars are just healing and he knows he’ll die soon so he has to write down all his important memories, leave something behind

he wants to write down something important to him, something that he can leave for Near, something that might put his own life and actions into context

something that might help other people understand who he was more

so of course, he thinks of beyond

who he respects and admires and pities

who has such a similar and yet different story from Mello’s own

so maybe in understanding beyond and understanding how mello feels about beyond

people will understand mello

near will understand mello

so mello gets to work detailing this story his incredible mentor L once told him, describing this beautiful memory he has of meeting with and talking to L and how L told him about Beyond

(in this scene, you don’t SEE L. you just get an idea of what he looks like, flashes and shots, so that the audience can know L well enough to still wonder about the identity Rue Ryuzaki throughout the movie)

and then of course, we dive into the story

Beyond is OVER THE TOP. he’s more than unsettling, he’s downright terrifying. but he’s still somehow intriguing and even charming at times, like he can turn the smoulder on and off at will. 

Hes a disaster nb, a fabulous hodgepodge of discarded gender roles and impressive makeup skills

Him practicing his evil laugh and trying so desperately to be this comic villain didjdjdje hes such a loser i love him that scene NEEDS to make an appearance

he and naomi’s chemistry is incredible to watch on screen because beyond dominates any scene he’s in unless naomi is there to challenge him because her acting is also so powerful that when they’re on screen together, it’s like you can’t tear your eyes away from this insane car wreck that is their relationship

and NAOMI

a;lksdfj;dlkfj naomi misora <3 <3 <3 <3 ok im ready

so naomi is also a powerful presence on screen, even though she’s not crawling on the ground or eating with her hands or you know whatever ridiculous garbage beyond is doing

more time is spent on her

her disastrous relationship with raye

her feelings over her suspension from the FBI

and really play up the whole jessica jones thing she’s got going on

i want black leather for DAYS

I want “gritty LA detective who’s on suspension from the FBI because she doesn’t play by the rules” or whatever except it’s a twist because not only is she not a man, like this trope usually calls for, but it turns out she was suspended because of her tenderness and humanity instead of her brutality

she still needs to have MULTIPLE fight scenes, a few with beyond and maybe even a few with other attackers, who she absolutely mops the floor with

but then she and beyond have a scene where they fight against someone together

he’s not a good fighter. she mostly has to save his butt every time but he’s just happy to be there and probably keeps saying stuff like ‘wow misora you’re amazing!’ and she’s like ‘?!?! ryuzaki you loser?1?! run?!?’

and of course, there’s enough twists and changes from the book to keep everyone on their toes, but GOOD changes

like maybe we go back to mello a few times and he has more of his own subplot where his relationship to near is revealed more fully, that he wants near to understand him and he wants to reach out to near emotionally in this way

contrast mello’s story with beyond’s so when we learn beyond’s full story at the end, he and mello are revealed to be foils of each other

we get shots of wammy’s house and we see a and beyond interact and we see beyond’s life-destroying grief over a’s death

we get contrasting shots of wammy’s with mello and near and we’re allowed to hope that maybe they can be happier

A and beyond become something of a subplot leading up to as death but you dont entirely realize who beyond is until the big reveal at the end

maybe beyond does some more unsettling things that are just as creepy and in-character but are a terrible surprise for those who’ve already read the book!! i can’t imagine what other horrific thing he could do to scare naomi, but there’s got to be something

i’m rly into bday massacre bc i love naomi and beyond’s rly twisted relationship so i’d love to see more of him being in awe of her, more of them connecting, more of beyond opening up to her even. maybe she tells him a little bit about her suspension. just a little.

also if we could like clean up some of the plot holes in this joint pls and thank you

id even be ok if it’s insinuated that he self-sabotaged a little, on a conscious level or not, bc i feel like that wouldn’t be tooooooo ooc i mean, he’s a hot mess. most of this is just a really twisted cry for help anyway, at least in my interpretation. he wants people to realize he’s suffering. he just… can’t do it in a normal or healthy way :/

beyond pls a;lkdfj

Anyway. Theres also a boppin soundtrack

Fire is a big motif. Maybe make a connection between wildfires in CA and beyond using this case to self-destruct

A little more closure at the end. Thats part of the drive behind my bday massacre fanfic rn is that i feel like he and naomi never got any real closure on the traumatizing, like, week or two they spent together

I also want more closure on naomi as a character arc. I want her to dump rayes sorry butt and i want her to have had some sort of real internal change. None of this “she picks up her life where she left off and never thinks abt beyond again”

Of course, L is revealed and has his glorious little spill down the concrete subway stairs. Its What He Deserves :)

And of course we have to make the obvious contrast between both beyond and mello having survived serious burn injuries its just another thing that makes them such interestingly comparable characters

If Naomi visits Beyond in prison to say goodbye, i wouldnt be opposed. If they made my fanfiction into a movie i wouldnt be opposed

Mello prints out his book in the mafia hideout, his arms folded and waiting as paper after paper comes out, just begging any of these mafia dudes to mock him for liking to write. None of them do. Its a funny moment tho

He debates sending it to near, feeling so awkward and prideful, but he finally does it, leaving instructions for it to reach near after his death.

In the end, naomi and beyond are revealed to be dead at the same time as near receives the package from his dear mello

Naomi and beyond were doomed, and so were beyond and a, but now… near has mellos last love letter to him, cryptically begging him to try to understand. And so theres hope that although the rest of these relationships were doomed, maybe near can still have one piece of mello and be happy

[unproduciblesmackdown]

it’s 7am and for no especial reason im gonna throw out “bat boy” numbers that really go off which is, really all of them, but still, might as well share my wisdom

a) COMFORT AND JOY: obviously!!!!! THE song. it is seriously like, wow. the drama. and its Such a jam. what haven’t i already said to endorse it? cuz i’ll say some more.

b) SHOW YOU A THING OR TWO: automatically gets second spot b/c its second most likely to be in my head. it’s all “i’ll show you a thing or two, second verse with these-two-notes [two-notes]” and i do a little dance for those two-notes. and the lyrics “you’ll soon complete it—but, wait! ((??)) don’t eat it ((oh))” will loop thru my brain like fifteen times. lot of Musical Style variation in this whole show and this ones got like, a highstepping chorus line theme & thats a delight. and lots of incredible lyrics too, like this song’s “but now say howdy to a summa cum laude.” oh wait and i suppose its self explanatory but meredith The Mom and shelley The Daughter are teaching edgar The Bat Boy like, all of general knowledge in a matter of weeks / maybe several months. dr parker The Husband / Vet is tangentially helpful but not really because he sucks. meredith’s patience is v nice. you really have to root for them, except dr parker, because he sucks.

C) CHILDREN, CHILDREN: any ranking order beyond this is basically just me throwing darts w my eyes closed but this is a good third cuz its again that musical variety......this ones like, this 90s-ish movie credits remix echoey chimy synthy thing going on?? but its really a jam too. when the company joins in with the “oooo~shalala” i go BERSERK.....and there’s this suddenly punk rockish break in the middle of it. pretty great. what’s going on is that, as edgar and shelley are fleeing from Society into nature / the woods to reinvent their notions of humanity, the god of that sort of stuff Pan has shown up with an eden-esque panoply of animals to sing this song to set the mood. obviously.

D) WHATCHA WANNA DO: speaking of punk rockish...this is that? it’s a bit head-tiltingly jarring as its just this number in which one of the local teens who found edgar in the cave shows up to the parkers’ house where he’s currently caged and reacts to him in a Thematic Microcosm of what will be others’ reactions, aka to reflect a like, lack of inhibition re sex and mostly violence back at his feral nature and perceived inhumanity. one of the stranger numbers in a weird musical, but still a jam, see: punk rockish

E) A JOYFUL NOISE (REPRISE): end the musical here and everythings fine! just a real short one but a lot of fun because of what i just said. edgar goes to the local revival to beg the townspeople’s and preacher’s acceptance, and they give it to him. yet more musical style variety and a shoutout to this exchange

F) THREE BEDROOM HOUSE: send the musical in a different direction in the middle of this and everything could still be fine. this is a fun boppish number kinda reflecting elements of “show you a thing or two” musically, which i suppose is since its again mostly about meredith having decided that they can make this mess of a situation work. that mess being that, edgar Was accepted by the town but actually her husband killed a local teen and then showed up and blamed it on edgar & implied the mysterious plague upon their cows was edgar’s fault too and edgar’s run off into the woods. then this one is followed by children, children. i could go in order but its chaos rules only!!! the amount of fun energy in this song is frankly great and its like hell yeah meredith!!!!! hell yeah hock this stupid ring!!! kill your husband!! or whatever. js

G) CHRISTIAN CHARITY: god this one is fun idk......also self explanatory imo. local teens have found a cave cryptid, now the sheriff has him, he’s dragged him into the house where the local vet lives and is just p much casually dumping said cryptid on them, which is funny. there’s Musical Themes here repeated w some of the townspeople’s numbers & set up for comfort and joy....what really gets me is the sheriff’s part that starts abt a minute into the number where it’s like, this really neat almost-lilting musical phrase in the key of i don’t know, but its cool. i like it

H) INSIDE YOUR HEART: man, this one’s got this like, p simple musical Theme in there that’s just like, that’s all you need really. sort of like, the classic ballad duet type of song now. but also sort of cutting its own drama, b/c the musicals like, tragicomic and all. like edgar has this whole swelling “oh god this curséd existence you have to leave me” declaration and then immediately you get shelley’s matter of fact “...no.” even tho its a bit Meta Humorous like that, frankly its still a pretty great straightforward and sweet number which im sure a lot of musicàl love songs Wish they could be, which is just made more Smh by the fact that a) it’s about shelley trying to convince edgar its okay to drink her blood and b) because right after it ends meredith shows up to belatedly inform them that they’re half siblings. shits a wild ride.

I) A HOME FOR YOU: careening back to the beginning....this one is also less like, oh shit im gonna dance along, more of a subdued and quiet number, but its a nice solo of meredith’s and p sweet but not in a way like Inside Your Heart where its gonna get immediately wrecked. instead its one of the more grounded songs where she’s just telling the feral bat teen now in her house that maybe he can like, belong somewhere. it also has the Additional Depth not yet revealed in the plot that meredith is aware that edgar is her own child whom she had previously presumed dead. and this song is also Significant in that it’s Reprised when edgar realizes he might actually be fully human (he’s not) and is eager to go to the town’s upcoming revival and win their acceptance; and its Musical Theme is briefly reprised in “apology to a cow” when edgar is at the total opposite end of things, having been turned on by the town thx to the betrayal of his evil stepdad, and then having his and shelley’s attempt to forsake the need for social acceptance in the first place Also Wrecked by their mom telling them she’s their mom, so then he’s just mad at everything and murders a cow b/c he feels the only thing left is to embrace their idea of him as a killer monster, and he Reprises the a home for you theme as he swears to kill both meredith and dr parker, which he doesn’t, although they do Die around him. whoops. wanna @ will roland and be like “hey can you sing this one single line from Apology For A Cow?? cuz its rly cool and honestly a lot of these songs make me sure that wroland’s version of this material what with his voice and acting and how dramatically that production seemed to treat the outlandishness in general all means i’d fucking go ballistic and i wanna hear ‘this face will be the last thing that you ever see’ cuz that key change and that like, rise and fall at the end,,,,OOF,,,”

J) I IMAGINE YOU’RE UPSET: just round it off by slapping this climactic song right down. it’s a lot. dramatic again but also kinda fun...ish......i mean its the “everythings gone to shit and lets bring everyone together for peak disaster” so how much fun can be had? yet the quick exchange of “i smell [...] her sweat” “oh my god” whole town: “JESUS!!” and the sheriff singing “im sorry your life’s a sham” like hfvlmao thanks dude. but there’s all the clashes of characters’ built-up emotions and edgar is over here covered in blood and demanding to be killed while the town is like YEAH but all meredith’s lines are especially bittersweet and honestly like its a weird absurd story obviously and we’re all here to be ourselves and have fun but the story does make me bummed cuz of thinking about it all as “okay, yeah, but if you treat it earnestly,,,,Sad” like man you hearken back to three bedroom house and how meredith is determined to see it all be okay and really like just wants to live with her kids somewhere safe and NOT with her crap husband who’s been ruining everything the whole time for once. and then she’s here caught between the final confrontation of the Dramatic Foils that are edgar and dr parker and in general everything is a bit too late. ugh. lot of Dramatic Exchanges here and musical theme reprises!! that’s the good shit. and then the song ends on dr parker’s sort of ominous yet resigned-ish “are you hungry edgar” (shoutout to comfort and joy!!) after which he cuts his own throat, and, just like in comfort and joy, (and sort of like just prior to comfort and joy, when edgar reflexively defended meredith from dr parkers Violent Behavior) when he presents edgar w the fresh blood edgar automatically Attacks, wherein dr parker takes the chance to stab him, and inadvertently stabs meredith when she tries to shield edgar, and they all three die w edgar bleeding-outly refuting his humanity to shelley, and then there’s the final number where everyone’s like wow that was some shit. but ACTUALLY there is also this one specific detail i’d be desperate to see from the nyu steinhardt version, which is that after they all die and there’s that Breathless Moment, the Man From The Institute who the sheriff had called earlier to deal with edgar Rushes In and sort of beholds the whole town gathered staring at these three bodies and maybe a cow’s head off to the side, and one of the townspeople just goes “...you’re late.” and i am so certain that this line is HghhfGH-wheeze-laugh worthy; but the performance i saw they did NOT do the timing right!!! they said it like right off whereas what you need to do is hold the pause at least three full seconds!! and then go: You’re Late. i’m adamant about this. so much of Landing The Delivery is timing!! anyways. god. press f. anyways. it’s now 9 am. thanks and good morning. basically saying that the whole soundtrack is basically pretty great and really will roland has doomed me to actually be invested in this weird story, b/c its the ol magical realism comedic-framed wild obviously-that-would-never-happen plot, but, still, you’ve got this teen trying his best and it COULD all be fine actually but it all goes to shit b/c nobody killed dr parker in time really. well i’d just like to conclude by saying it’s raining and that’s great b/c i love when it’s raining

[dovechim]

soft bias tag

who better to tag me in such a soft tag than my softest fluffiest mutual ever @gukyi​ 🌻🐝🔆

Who’s my bias?

park jimin, fluff and mochi extraordinaire 

What made you notice them?

when i first saw him in weekly idol, messing up the random play dances so many times and constantly getting caught! he had this sheepish, cute little smile  and honestly he was just like a puppy begging for my attention, how could i not??? 

What’s your favourite thing about them?

his chubby cheeks, short fingers, his love and care for everyone around him, the way he throws his whole body about when he laughs, how clumsy he is despite being a contemporary dancer (i realised this is more than one thing but still!)

Who would initiate skinship more?

him. jimin is so incredibly touchy, he’s always hugging and throwing himself into the members’ embraces and forcing them to hug him etc etc :”) by contrast im not a very touchy person but I would be the one constantly asking to hold his hand!!

Who would hog the blankets more?

tbh... me. i like to wrap myself into a burrito no matter how hot it is, and i always need a blanket on some part of my body. he’d probably whine that this makes it hard for him to cuddle too

Who would be more clingy?

him, definitely!!!!!! jimin is the clingiest of babies and by contrast, i kinda like my private time. when we’re together there’ll probably be times where i dont want him to leave and that’s the clingiest i’ll be. sometimes i go days without talking to those i love, and its rly hard to break myself out of that so that’ll be his job!!!

Who would say I love you first?

jimin definitely. im not the most eloquent with expressing or showing feeling, and i tend to get embarrassed. in contrast, he’s so open with his emotions and would probably surprise me by saying it in the most mundane of moments :”)

Who would easily be more flustered?

definitely me. i am the most whipped for him ever. and he just has this tendency of being cute without even realising it!!!!

What cuddling position would you two have?

in bed, legs entangled, my head on his arm, buried in his chest or neck, his chin resting on the top of my head, occasionally pressing his nose into my hair and telling me that it smells and i need to wash it. in return i’ll tickle him or pinch his nipple and we’ll get into a little tussle that might get heated :”) 

Which colours remind you of him?

YELLOW. lemon yellow, and rich, buttered marigold. also lavender!!

What season would you like to spend with them?

winter!!! for the sole reason of seeing his sweater paws!!

Who would bake the cookies and who would steal the batter?

i would bake the cookies, convincing myself not to pinch the batter till jimin sneaks up behind me, distracts me with a pinch to my waist and then his fingers digging into the dough. i’d scold him for being unhygienic and risking getting sick, but then seeing how well he enjoys the cookie batter, i’d probably give in too :”)

Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

i would make the puns, and jimin would double over in laughter like how he usually does every single time even if they weren’t funny. what’s a significant other for if they dont laugh at your unfunny jokes?

Who would want to adopt 50 cats and dogs?

we would both want cats, but he’d also want the dogs, and while i’d be content with one or two, jimin would adopt the whole lot. of course not without a ton of begging on his part, and the unfair use of those puppy eyes of his

Which one of you would nearly burn the kitchen down trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

definitely jimin. he’d be the type to text while at work: “babe how long should i microwave this mac and cheese for?” even though the instructions are stated right on the packet and i would text back in annoyance, but then call him to make sure he gets his food alright. only to ask: “baby, you took out the aluminium foil before putting it in right?” 

to which he stutters a shaky ‘yes’. 

Who likes to lean over trail railings and who would pull them back?

jimin definitely loves leaning, and me being the worrywart that i am, constantly gets anxious because i know how clumsy he is

What would watching a horror movie be like?

ahh it depends!! i’m bad at horror movies, but if the person im watching it with is worse than me, i’ll pretend not to be scared just so i can comfort them. jimin’s also pretty scared himself, but i have a feeling he’d want to put on a front just to impress me. so like two idiots, we’ll both be cowering in fear but refusing to show it. 

Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

i cant flirt at all, so he would have to be both for the both of us!!

Who would be more competitive?

jimin. as with most things, i dont really care that much for winning, but i know he can get really into it, but honestly i might want to win just to see him yell angrily in that cute way that he has :”) 

Who would have to be given constant reminders (to eat, sleep, drink water, etc.)?

i think its a tie, tbh. jimin can be really naggy when it comes to sending reminders, and we’d probably lie awake at 2am facing each other, telling each other to go to sleep but then continuing to stare and giggle at each other. 

Who sends memes and who sends cute “i miss you” texts at 3 am?

on the meme front, it would definitely be me. i annoy so many of my mutuals with constant dirty memes. he would be the clingy texter, sending a barrage of texts asking me what im doing at 4am since he doesnt sleep till 6am, and i’d probably reply to an “i miss you baby” with a weird convoluted meme :”)

this was so fun to do!!!! and it made me so soft :”) im tagging @jimlingss @bang-tan-bitch @94hixtape @kingdomtae @wonhopes and of course anyone else who would like to do this!!!

[nev-jupsiii]

(Hey anon. Tumblr mobile glitched yesterday and somehow deleted the ask but fortunately I screenshoted it on time so I gotta do it this way)

Uuuhh, I hope large amount people is aware how lazy and unimpactful it is. I mean, even I who enjoyed some of the remakes just can't stand this one. Even tho they have flaws I did like BatB and Aladdin. And Jungle Book somewhat. Not Maleficemt and Cinderella but I just didn't like them and I could just ignore them. This one, I can't. Because of that excuse that it looks realistic and therefore it's i m p r o v e d and so better than the 2d one (and I hear people calling it more mature version). What? That's insulting. So the lack of emotion, proper facial expressions, dramatic moments and actual imaginitive moves and snaces of the characters is considered more mature than 2d animation now. Yikes. No thanks.

And all the remakes are lacking the variety of emotions that the originals showed through the animation and are therefore are not that capable to leave the same impact that the originals could. Aladdin was the best one for me because it had the most energy of them all. All the actors actually were told to try and it showes and the variety of emotions was there for me. And the changes weren't drastic and bad and didn't add to possible plot holes (like the magic book in BatB and the way Cinderella's character was kind of confusing and contradictory because all the changes they added). Maleficent seems like its own story and movie, I can't see it as an actual remake cause nothing is similar to the original story. Jungle Book is good but again, it will never be as charming as the animated one was.

Just, they are not really good. Even the Aladdin one whie I rly loved it's still just a remake of the original and even tho it was genuinly enjoyable for me it was not generally and objectively necessary (even tho Im thankful that it exists 😂).

Before the Lion King one I could see them in a positive light as it being a good way for younger generations to meet with these stories and the remarkable music. As I do see the originals as pieces of art, when it comes to both animation and music. But this one is shameful, I could stand it as a simple remake, but after seeing people defending it with 'it's an improved version and it's hyper reasistic so ofc the animals will not emote and showing expressions is not neccessary' (which is funny as I mentioned in some of my other posts), no please. That's not a good impact. And I'm not shocked it gets so much hate. It's not good, it's not emotional. Hans Zimmer score alone can make you over-emotional at any time but I didn't pay a ticket for a movie if its OST is the only thing that will strike me. It's lazy and I hope the remakes will stop soon if they're gonna be this lazy and above all, arrogant. Give those talented animators something nice and imaginitive to work on.

[soupwillsaveyou]

That get to know me ask thing- just fuckin do all of them that'll keep you busy for a while. Gotta keep u kids off the streets

u have no chill and u probs dont even care lmao bye

1) What images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?here’s a beautifully cropped out compilation of my desktop, phone and laptop wallpapers

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? i convinced myself i did in primary school but?

3) What was your last text message? I sent my mom a text asking to pick me up

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years? Hopefully just drawing a lot and having my life slightly more together than rn

5) If you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be? with my gf and you damn well know it

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume? we dont rly do halloween over here,,,,

7) What was your favorite 90s show? either rugrats or (if that one counts) rocket power

8) Who was your last kiss? my gf bro

9) Have you ever been stood up? ??

10) Favorite ice cream flavor? cinnamon! Definitely, it’s so good!!!

11) Have you been to Las Vegas? my dude i have been no where near america

12) Your favorite pair of shoes? are u rly making me choose fuck. 

13) Honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other? ,,,dude

14) What is your favorite fruit? idk i like a lot

15) Have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? If possible? I am dating someone currently that I’m talking to on tumblr

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships? long definitely

17) Do you smoke? If so, what? no

18) What do you do to get over your anger? rant lmao also like let it out on someone who doesnt deserve it hahaHA FUCK

19) Do you believe in God? idk

20) Does the person you’re in love with know it? uhm…

21) Favorite position? go away

22) What’s your horoscope sign? cancer

23) Your fears? spiders, rejection from loved ones, failing doing what i love

24) How many pets do you have? What kind? currently one bunny! 

25) What never fails to turn you on? justice

26) Your idea of a perfect first date? bro tbh i dont rly care we can just chill at home watching cartoons that’d be amazing. also going out for a movie or food or whatever its all cool

27) What is something most people don’t know about you? everything regarding gender and sexuality really

28) What makes you feel the happiest? chilling with friends, also hugs, god damn, hugs.

29) What store do you shop at most often? if we’re talking about where I legit buy something the most and not like, clothes stuff or whatever. Well. Uhh. Either AH or Hema because I have no self control whatsoever and I will damn well buy food all the time

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving? no

31) Do you believe in karma? kinda? Depends on the situation I guess

32) Are you single? no 

33) Do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize? consider an actual apology

34) Are you a good swimmer? I mean? Yes? Maybe? I’ve got my first three diplomas and its not like im super good but im a decent swimmer?

35) Coffee or Tea? I only sometimes like coffee (and mostly like, cappuccino and stuff like that) so tea. Tea is Good.

36) Online shopping or shopping in person? that rly depends but i spent a fortune either way

37) Would you rather be older or younger than your current age? I’m. Chill with my current age actually. Maybe older but only like a year so YOU can shut the fuck up for once about how im so young

38) Cats or Dogs? both are gr8

39) Are you a competitive person? kinda yeah :’)

40) Do you believe in aliens? yes

41) Do you like dancing? my dude i cant dance for shit but i like goofing around sometimes if that counts

42) What kind of music to you listen to? everything and nothing. im a mess

43) What is your favorite cartoon character? dont make me choose you know i cant do shit like this

44) Where are you from? the netherlands

45) Eat at home or eat out? depends

46) How much more social are you when you’re drunk? ive never been drunk

47) What was the last thing you bought for yourself? like the very last thing was a tube of pringles lmao

48) Why do you think your followers follow you? dude i have no idea im a mess

49) How many hours do you sleep at night? that really depends but usually not enough hah

50) What worries you most about the future? having to take care of myself wtf i cant do that

51)  If you had a friend that spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you be friends? I have a hard time cutting people off so longer than would be healthy

 52) Are you happy with yourself? not really no

53) What do you wish you didn’t know? idk man

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life? do your damn homework kids

55) If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? do you know how many awesome tv series houses there are wtf dude

56) What’s your favorite Website? this hellhole sadly

57) What’s the habit you’re proudest of breaking? i dont recall breaking any tbh lmao bye

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? visiting my brother for his graduation presentation that was a little over 50 miles

59) What’s the best bargain you’ve ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? dont think ive ever had a particularly good buy there

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food? lots of different stuff but i always ask to include egg foo young cuz im a sucker for that shit

61) If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? wyoming simply cuz ive never heard of it before and it sounds ridiculous

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be? art or history or english probably. Those have always been the subjects i’d choose when i was thinking of maybe becoming a teacher

63) Favorite kind of chips? either regular or paprika probably so basically the basic ones.

64) Favorite kind of sandwich? talking special stuff i love salmon yo

65) Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? i didnt even know the thesaurus was a thing

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee? i mean i stepped on one once 

67) What’s your favorite form of exercise? none

68) Are you afraid of heights? kinda? someitmes i am sometimes not idk man

69) What’s the most memorable class you’ve ever taken? boy ive had quite some memorable classes,,,

70) What’s your favorite breakfast? light crackers with cheese or smthng

71) Do you like guacamole? not rly

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight? im not sure

73) What/who are you thinking about right now? im still trying to remember if ive ever been in an actual fight

74) Do you like cuddling? yes its so good

75) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Other than my cluttered ass room and secrets?

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears? where do u think that fear of spiders came from my dude. also im half experiencing the rejection rn? idk

77) Favorite city you’ve been to? I love Prague!

78) Would you break the law to save a family member? that depends what kind of rule breaking and everyhting we’re talking about,, but probably

79) Talk about an embarrassing moment? my life

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in? does feminism coount as a cause?

81) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? okay so i mightve broken my nose once but im not sure. Also i almost cut of a toe once. 

82) Favorite day of the week? currently wednesday cuz no school

83) Do you consider yourself sexually open minded? i do but yeah

84) How do you feel about porn? theyre sure having a lot of The Sex

85) Which living celebrity would you like to know? Do Not Make Me Choose

86) Who was your hottest ex? i only have one kind-of ex so uhhh

87) Do you want/have kids? i most definitely do not have any and im not sure if i woudl want any. I dont think so but??

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? yes

89) Do you get easily distracted? FUNNY THAT YOU ASK THAT

90) Ass or titties? im just letting you know that the first time i read this i read it as ash or titties and im still not over it

91) What is your favorite word? snoekduik and i blame @bleubudgie 

92) How do you feel about tattoos? they can be rly cool

93) Do you have any pets? this is p much the same as question 24

94) How tall are you? 173 cm

95) How old are you? 19

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot? nothing lol

97) Is there anything you’re really passionate about? hah yeah Squadbase and atla/lok and voltron and if we’re gonna go a little serious feminism *whispers* fckng hyperfixations

98) Do you have trust issues? not rly i think

99) Do you believe in love at first sight? im not sure but id like to

100) What are some words that you live by? Why? I don’t thikn there’s something i actively thin kabout and live up to all the time but ‘’do no harm but take no shit’’ is one of my favs (and i have a lot of favs lmao oops)

THERE YOU GO ARE YOU HAPPY NOW

[aitian]

8/23/20 3:02am, sunday

think i have been going abt the way i talk & interact w ppl wrong. feels shitty that as an adult i am still so repressed. a lot has to be unspoken bc maybe i dont have words that other ppl want to hear. & otherwise i had always been scared to say what i mean. thinking today abt what it might be like to be honest w ghosts. maybe they would materialize but i wont try.

we would go to stone valley. him & i. somehow its hard to admit thats who has lived in my head for so long. i really don’t much remember what he looks like, only photos. or that feeling of being so enchanted. the heartbreak, numb, is still familiar. i think its on my mind bc i reread ganbare nakamura kun yesterday & the furious rewriting of truth inside the head (is it just me? they couldn’t.. wouldn’t... would they?) made me feel so sad. i was thinking when he feels rejected on the school trip, when hirose seems to enjoy the company of everyone else, nakamura goes to the aquarium alone anyway to see the cute octo. & he has this happy face. & he finds tako & its so cute & he becomes so frustrated, upset. of course things would end up this way. & thats where my story ended. but hirose appears, paid the entrance fee & tells nakamura he is funny & charming, & reveals an intimate moment of i would rather be with u. 

the wind would blow across the water. my hair would be pulled up into a messy bun, or maybe i would just clip back the sides. i might pick him up, but i would have to practice the route. he would say, woah... you’ve changed. i might say... im not sure. is that okay? & there’s no way to say no. so we would end up by the reservoir, & i might ask why he agreed to meet me, or he might ask why i wanted to see him. i might tell him how i felt that year. how i was so upset to watch him graduate. i guess i think he would be uncomfortable around me. & i might tell him i dont have any expectations. i just wanted to see him again.

writing & rewriting endings (continuations) is a strange strategy i don’t know how to feel about. i thought deeply about it first reading eve ewing’s poetry guided by hui ying. i guess most happy stories feel like rewritings already. like there’s what an author who lives a lovelier life would expect to happen to them. but for me it wouldn’t happen that way. & that’s why i find it difficult to rewrite my own stories- because they wouldn’t happen that way. & i want them to be anything but real so bad. the real story is much more mundane & painful. so to rewrite my stories into mythology or whatever else carries a lot of weight. like, of course representations are easily imagined to be perfect, full of vigor & triumph & diversity & heroes & villains & lessons but it doesn’t make sense to me to deform my past into smth worth ingesting. its yucky to share the dirty & ugly feelings i have had as well as a sanitized retelling. maybe i just want to tell a story full of monsters.

ive started drawing a little but even that imagining of a representation is icky to me. i guess thats why i think i can only draw myself- bc im not a representation. that my image can literally be a version of me flattened onto a page. & thats different from designing characters to fit an ideal image for a story. i guess i am very unideal for my tragedy lmao. i will draw tmrw.

some updates abt the summer: - hate texting/msging ppl. did it rarely but somehow felt like a lot - sad that i don’t know what ppls lives are like who i care abt & that is a shameful contradition bc clearly i dont care if i dont know & dont want to ask but i dont want to ask bc that already embodies the contradiction of not knowing but wishing i knew - rly lonely sometimes. like now writing abt him & regretting how i have gotten to this point in my now 20′s without building the beginnings of any future that has love in it, friends, partners, comrades, children, guardians, mentors - looking forward to umibe no etranger movie i guess. tbh i rly dont like the manga characters but the art is cute i guess & voice acting from the trailer is pretty precious. been reading a lot of bl these few days & i think it is the most interesting part of my life. cis women can write these dramatic narratives abt what is feels like to be a queer boy in love. it is so easy & pleasurable to abuse imagined beings. i have to write vestigial bodies this year.  - alice is home this weekend. we celebrated dads burthday today. i think 56. mom and dad both say they are not old, & alice was quick to agree. i think it is convenient for her to not have to see them every day & think abt their futures. alice made drinks & i made spocy ramen around midnight & i think this is the type of carefree activity i miss indulging in w friends, ppl who i want to eat well & be happy & see their beautiful faces & talk abt everything w. friends is such a bad, generic word. - school starts in two weeks i think - idk what else. had a period of rly enjoying the sunrise & running outside, but i am back in the slump. its so difficult to wake up when i dont know why i would want to do that shit. lol. its always not so difficult anymore once i am awake but i realized i am so upset when i am tired, & im just used to living with those feelings until i pass out. i dont need more than 8 hrs a day to feel happy but its difficult to stop the slump from making its nest - pastimes r watching one piece (im on episode 500+ & i cannot multitask when reading subs), reading bl, playing botw, playing w myself, & eating i guess. i also read sula in one day bc i wanted to prove to myself that i still knew how. obsessive. comforts & pleasures > coping. our brains r wired so weak by scarcity relations. & also idk... adhd & ocd tendencies + anxious obsessive & depressive obsessive.

goals for the end of this year i think: - 80 pgs of lianhuanhua type graphic novel - vestigial bodies essay on virtual pleasure & bodily rejection (pain, deterioration, abuse, freakishness) - maybe centered on some media? not sure yet.. thinking abt video games & comics as virtual life where representations replace bodily function, distance pleasurable simulated outcomes w the body that produces unpleasurable irl outcomes - visual novel in febuilder if i figure out what i want to do with gameplay. - learn blender. maybe construct one scene