#but the stimuli PERSISTS
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actualbird · 10 months ago
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life's not been good lately. ive been beset by a cacophony of Ails (constant fatigue and exhaustion to the point of being bedridden for most of the day, constant nausea, headaches, shoulder (???) aches, skin rashes (why???? ;-;), irritability, did i mention the exhaustion....) but im like 99% sure it's all just caused by stress so theres rlly nothing much i can do but wait til life gets Less Stressful.
still, it's heavily debilitating. like, here is list of things overwhelming me to tears just this morning
eating breakfast (it's so hard. it's so hard to eat. i know i must, but it's so difficult)
drinking water (it makes me wanna throw up for some reason)
noises and sounds (the house phone rang awhile ago and my heart rate kicked up so panicked as if i was being chased by an axe murderer. my sister spoke to me awhile ago and i wanted to burst into tears because even verbal conversation feels like an insurmountable task rn)
notifs from Everywhere (discord, here, my work grp chats, twitter, my tumblr inbox oh god im so sorry about my inbox so many asks are piling up and im not ignoring you guys i promise im just gonna break down if i try to even read what you guys are sending in)
standing (it makes me lightheaded and dizzy and makes me wanna throw up) (sidenote: wow a lot of things make me wanna throw up these days JS;FKDNS;DKF)
sleeping (I FIGURED THIS SHOULD BE EASY, GIVEN HOW EXHAUSTED I AM, BUT IT'S NOT. IM BAD AT SLEEPING NOW, WHY????? i lay in bed and my breathing is so quick like there is Something Hunting Me Down and it takes me hours to finally sleep and when i Do sleep it's not even Good, i still feel like CRAP)
touch (nobody touch me oh god i will scream. the only exception to this is my cat because he is very soft)
in summary: world overwhelming. help. i hate this. it's been like this for over a week. i want to hide under a blanket or perhaps a burrow in the ground. i want to be like this
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literaryvein-reblogs · 8 days ago
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Word List: Psychology
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more psychological concepts as reference for your poem/story
Mental fog - (also called clouding of consciousness) a mental state involving a reduced awareness of the environment, inability to concentrate, and confusion.
Metaworry - persistent worry about one’s own thoughts and cognitive processes.
Numbsense - the ability of some people who have lost feeling in part or all of their body to respond to tactile stimuli in the insensible area. Such individuals insist that they are not aware of any tactile sensations but can nevertheless discriminate between stimuli and point to where they have been presented.
Object love - in psychoanalytic theory, love of a person other than the self. It is a function of the ego and not the instincts as in object cathexis.
Oneirodynia - a form of dreaming characterized by nightmares or unpleasant dreams.
Passive joy - a feeling of extreme gladness, delight, or exultation of the spirit arising from a sense of well-being or satisfaction that involves tranquility and a feeling of contentment with things as they are.
Sauce béarnaise effect - a colloquial term referring to a conditioned taste aversion. If a person happens to become ill after tasting a new food, such as sauce béarnaise, they may subsequently dislike and avoid that food. Regardless of the actual cause of the illness, the sauce will be identified with it.
Sensitive soul - in the thought of Aristotle, the type of soul possessed by nonhuman animals. The sensitive soul has the capacity to receive and react to sense impressions but does not have a capacity for rational thought.
Symbiotic marriage - a marriage or partnership of codependency, whereby the individuals are entirely reliant upon each other for the gratification of certain psychological needs.
Synergic marriage - a marriage or partnership that is enhanced by the contributions the partners can make in satisfying each other’s psychological needs in a positive manner.
Source ⚜ More: References ⚜ Part 1 2 3 4 ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs
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letsatomicbanana · 6 months ago
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silly post in which results will be used for science (names are in alphabetical order + Dream and Nightmare share one option 'cause they're identical twins and the options are based on sanses that are more commonly headcanoned as autistic, from less to often)
PROPAGANDA:
Cross: Struggles with containing his emotions (feels everything 110% at all times), sometimes shuts down and is generally rigid who follows specific routine/patterns (although, you could argue that X!Gaster is responsible for his behaviour)
Dream and Nightmare: Dream doesn't seem to get social cues and is easily manipulable (this seems to have changed in more recent times tho, since he matured as a character) and is very emotional. Nightmare (passive) was a reclusive and shy kid who didn't interact much (tho, It's could be caused by the fact that the villagers hated him for being the negative guardian), seemed to have hyperlexia and an interest in literature (i think, correct if i'm wrong)
Error: Seems to have severe sensory issues (specially touch), doesn't interact with people, has a fixatd interest in Undernovela, chocolate seems to be his safe food, has problems with showing empathy and hates when things doesn't go his way. (Things to consider, most of his problems seems to caused due to the fact that he was trauamatized into solitude and has a highly inconsistent body, due to being a glitch.)
Ink: Shows issues with interpesonal communication and social understanding/cues, seems to have a fixed interest on AU's/Art, has hyperfixations that gets in the way of social interaction, constantly stims, extremly under-responsive to sensory stimuli, shows signs of object personification, has low-empathy and hates when AU's don't follow a specific script/rigid with changes. (Things to keep in mind, some of his traits could be caused by his isolation in the doodlesphere, but it isn't unlikely putting in mind how persistent they are. Ink seems to be coded as neurodivergent in canon)
Swap: There isn't much to say about him (due to a lack of canon) but since he's a papyrus-based character (who seems to be austitic-coded) it's definetly something to keep in mind.
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darkfluffydragon · 7 months ago
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Shoving the Phantasmagoria Duo into the SCP foundation >:3
Item #: SCP-1029 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1029 is to be kept in a reinforced glass display case within a secure containment chamber at Site-221. Access to SCP-1029 requires Level 2 clearance and authorization from at least one Level 3 researcher. The containment chamber is to be monitored at all times via surveillance cameras. Testing involving SCP-1029 must be approved by the Site Director and conducted in a controlled environment. Description: SCP-1029 is a sentient orchid flower resembling a wooden staff. At the apex of the staff is a single eye, which exhibits movements consistent with those of a human eye. The staff measures approximately 1.5 metres in length. SCP-1029 displays several anomalous properties:
Healing: SCP-1029 has the ability to heal any physical wound or injury inflicted upon a living being. The extent of its healing capabilities surpasses conventional medical treatment, demonstrating near-instantaneous regeneration of tissue and loss of limbs. It has yet to be tested whether or not SCP-1029 can bring back a subject who is on the brink of death.
Compulsion: One of SCP-1029 most notable effects is its compulsion to compel truthfulness in individuals who hold it. Subjects holding SCP-1029 report an overwhelming urge to speak only the truth, often confessing thoughts or feelings they would otherwise keep hidden. This effect persists until the staff is released. Attempts to deceive while holding SCP-1029 result in discomfort or pain for the subject. Many resisted the idea of even attempting to lie while under the influence of SCP-1029 due to finding the thought “nauseating” and “disturbing”.
Sentience: SCP-1029 displays signs of sentience, exhibiting awareness of its surroundings and reacting to stimuli in its vicinity. Additionally, SCP-1029 demonstrates a degree of control over its anomalous properties, selectively activating its effects based on the intentions of those interacting with it.
Magic: SCP-1029 showcases additional unexplainable ‘magical’ properties, including the ability to emit a soft, soothing light and to create a shield. It has been observed to manifest minor telekinetic effects, such as moving objects within its vicinity. Testing is still being done to see what else SCP-1029 can do.
However, if SCP-1029 is used to intentionally harm another being, the item exhibits signs of distress. The eye appears to express sorrow or disappointment and SCP-1029 emits a faint sad chiming or bell noise. Continued misuse of SCP-1029 results in heightened emotional distress, with the staff actively resisting attempts to use it for harmful purposes. SCP-1029 has been in existence for an indeterminate amount of time, with historical records dating back several centuries and the ancient ruins by the ████████ Forest that it was found in being theorised to be perhaps even older. Dr. ██████ believes that SCP-1029 is related to [DATA EXPUNGED] Occasionally, certain individuals are able to perceive a faint apparition holding SCP-1029, adorned with a golden crown. This phenomenon occurs sporadically and seemingly at random, with no discernible pattern or trigger. Individuals who experience these sightings report feelings of warmth, safety, and tranquillity. This figure has been named SCP-1029-1 Addendum 1029-1: SCP-1029 exhibits the ability to influence the wielder’s mental state, as during a recent test where the previously aggressive subject was asked to hold SCP-1029 for a prolonged period of time, the subject’s behaviour was recorded to slowly become abnormally passive. SCP-1029 was removed from the subject before the test could further continue, and we are waiting for further instructions. Addendum 1029-1: Other SCPs are more capable of seeing SCP-1029-1 than regular people. Further testing is required to see if subjects undergoing anomalous effects are able to see SCP-1029-1.
Name: Dr.Phantasmagoria (SCP-1067)
Occupation: Senior Researcher (Level 3) Part of the Antimemetics Division
Current Status: Phantas is currently kept within Site-221 after being transferred from the Antimemetics Division by [REDACTED] due to [DATA EXPUNGED]. Phantas's eccentric demeanour and unconventional methods contribute to his effectiveness in handling anomalies. However, his propensity for unorthodox approaches requires additional oversight to ensure compliance with Foundation protocols and containment standards.
Special Considerations: Phantas's status as SCP-1067 introduces unique containment challenges, as his anomalous properties render others susceptible to antimeme and amnestics symptoms. Despite having been deemed safe and having dedicated a long period of time working as a researcher within the SCP Foundation, regular monthly evaluations are essential to mitigate potential security breaches and safeguard sensitive information both for Phantas and those who come in regular contact with him.
Additional Notes: Phantas must undergo regular psychological evaluations to ensure his mental stability and resistance to anomalous influences.
He will never be allowed to receive a higher clearance level.
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etheries1015 · 8 months ago
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Sneaky Fae + alcohol (short and rather suggestive, minors dni)
Lilia X reader
General warnings: gender neutral
TW: Alcohol consumption, forced alcohol consumption that may make some uncomfortable.
As requested by the lovely @masquerade-of-misery ...I hope I did your little idea justice in one way or another~ <3
You wouldn't consider yourself much of a drinker, perhaps only casually if any at all, is what would best describe your drinking habits. The smell wasn't the most appetizing, and in the back of your mind, you almost feared the things you may say or do when inebriated. Such a thing didn't stop your lover, Lilia, from doing as he pleased, however.
Drinks were seldom in the older Faes world, for being a long-time parent, avid traveler, and war general had become a rather arduous and time-consuming endeavor that didn't leave much time in between for relaxation or guilty indulgences such as alcoholic beverages. This was a treat far and few between, the way he sipped on his drink while talking cheerfully with you. Lilias's cheeks took a rosy tint, hinting at his tipsy state yet not at the point of no return. You found his words to be more poetic this time around, the drink letting off the edge of everyday stimuli fade into the back of his mind replaced with honeyed words and flirty innuendos.
It was a rather mundane conversation, nothing that was unlike any other. Silence reigned only for a moment between the switching between topics before your lover's signature smile crawled upon his lips, squinting his ruby eyes before a hand pressed the back of your head and lips converged with yours eagerly. A mewl of shock escaped your lips as his tongue pushed past your teeth, the bitterness of the alcohol making you cringe and attempt to pull back from the sudden kiss. Lilia chuckled into your mouth, your resistance only causing him to apply further heated pressure upon your lips as he was quick to pin you down to the couch below him. His legs straddled your body and his hands trapped your wrists above your head, a needy moan exuded from the back of your throat with your hips unconsciously moving upwards pathetically aroused by his forceful actions.
Needing to breathe, the sneaky fae pulled away from you leaving a strand of saliva connecting between your mouths. He smiled in satisfaction at your disheveled look- the way your hair messily spread across the couch, the way your cheeks were flushed red and your eyes practically painted with hearts.
"That," You huffed in astonishment while collecting your thoughts, "was disgusting." You cringed with the taste of bitter alcohol on your lips, groaning and chastising him for such sudden and thoughtless actions. Lilia let out a hearty laugh with closed eyes, preparatory to gazing lustfully at your state. His hands as devious as his lips, began to tease the hem of your shirt, fingers slowly and sensually making their way inside your clothes touching against flushed bare skin. Leaning forward, the fae used his fangs to bite your neck with another chuckle after a muffled whine left your body trembling with anticipation.
"How adorable...you barely drink alcohol, and I am curious if it only takes a kiss to leave you such a pretty little mess," His sultry voice teased. You protested him in this statement, yet by the way your face had gotten redder by the minute he could have sworn it was otherwise, and your argument grew to be fruitless against his persistence. He was as sly as any sharp-tongued fae, ensnaring you in a trap with words that were woven with teasing remarks to purposefully egg you on. He couldn't help it, you looked positively adorable when you were upset, and his affection only grew with every drop of the liquor that remained strengthening in his system and releasing his inhibitions completely.
"Although, right now I can't help but wonder if it's truly the alcohol," His hands had made contact with the bare skin of your chest, twisting a nipple between his thumb and index, "or perhaps it's my touch that leaves you in such a drunken state..." he said this barely above a whisper, a low growl if you will. Biting the bottom of your lip, you turned your head away from your fae lover, before he reached over for the bottle and took another gulp of the beverage. using a strong hand, he roughly grabbed your cheeks and forced your gaze onto him, before connecting his lips against yours in another attempt to make a disheveled mess out of his innocent little bat.
Lilia couldn't help it...he absolutely loved seeing you react exasperatedly to his teasing and the flush of your cheeks deepen with every drop he transferred to you through his snarky mouth and was certain to get you drunk not only by the drink alone but by mischevious hands exploring the parts of your body that left you drunk far more than any beverage could ever accomplish.
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psychics4unet · 4 months ago
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The Secrets of the Void: Entering the Ultimate Psychic State
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Introduction: The Void is a profound state of consciousness where the mind transcends ordinary reality, offering deep psychic insights and spiritual experiences. Tapping into the Void can amplify your intuitive abilities and connect you with higher realms.
How to Enter the Void:
Prepare your space by choosing a quiet, comfortable location where you won’t be disturbed. Start by meditating deeply, focusing on your breath, and slowly clearing your mind of all thoughts. Visualize yourself floating in a vast, dark space, where nothing exists but you. Surrender fully to the emptiness, letting go of all expectations and concerns.
Practice deep, slow breathing to calm your nervous system and help you enter a state of deep relaxation. Light candles or incense to create a serene atmosphere, enhancing your focus on entering the Void. Use calming music or binaural beats designed to help reach altered states of consciousness. Try grounding yourself first by imagining roots growing from your body into the Earth, anchoring you in the present moment.
Adopt a comfortable posture, either sitting or lying down, that allows you to remain still for an extended period. Keep your eyes closed to reduce external stimuli and enhance your inward focus. Set a clear intention before you begin, asking for guidance or clarity during your journey into the Void. Practice mindfulness, bringing your awareness fully into the present moment, letting go of past and future thoughts.
Repeat a mantra or affirmation that helps you detach from your everyday thoughts and enter a deeper state. Focus on the space between your thoughts, allowing the silence to expand. Imagine yourself dissolving into the darkness, becoming one with the Void. Let go of the need to control your experience, allowing whatever arises to do so naturally.
Use visualization techniques to see the Void as a gateway to deeper understanding and insight. Imagine a doorway or portal in your mind’s eye that leads directly into the Void. Focus on your third eye, the center of your forehead, as a way to enhance your psychic awareness. Release all tension in your body, letting it melt away as you sink deeper into relaxation.
Practice yoga or gentle stretching beforehand to prepare your body for stillness. Keep a journal nearby to record any insights or experiences that come to you after your session. Set a timer to avoid checking the time, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the experience. Consider fasting or eating lightly before your session to enhance mental clarity.
Focus on your breath, counting each inhale and exhale to help quiet the mind. Use crystals like amethyst or clear quartz to enhance your connection to the Void. Practice regularly, as entering the Void becomes easier with time and experience. Start with short sessions, gradually increasing the time spent in meditation.
Visualize yourself surrounded by a protective light, ensuring your journey into the Void is safe. Allow yourself to drift off if you feel sleepy; sometimes, the Void can be accessed in the space between wakefulness and sleep. Use essential oils like lavender or sandalwood to help calm the mind and body. Focus on the feeling of weightlessness, as if you’re floating in the vastness of space.
Clear your mind of all distractions, both internal and external, before you begin. Listen to your intuition, following any guidance or impressions you receive during your journey. Stay patient and persistent, as entering the Void can take practice and dedication. Consider using a guided meditation specifically designed to help you reach the Void.
Trust the process, even if your experience is subtle or different from what you expected. Be open to whatever messages or insights come to you, even if they seem unrelated at first. Allow yourself to feel the vastness and silence of the Void, embracing the stillness. Reflect on your experience afterward, noting any shifts in your awareness or understanding.
Practice detachment, letting go of any need for a specific outcome or experience. Keep your mind open, allowing the Void to reveal itself to you in its own time. Approach each session with a sense of curiosity and wonder, exploring the unknown depths of your consciousness.
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mischiefmanifold · 4 months ago
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The Alternative Model Diagnostic Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)
This is part of the section in the DSM-5 that offers an alternative diagnostic criteria for several personality disorders.
A. Moderate or greater impairment in personality functioning, manifested by characteristic difficulties in two or more of the following four areas:
Identity: Egocentrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure
Self-direction: Goal setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards, associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative ethical behavior
Empathy: Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another
Intimacy: Incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others
B. Six or more of the following seven pathological personality traits:
Manipulativeness (an aspect of Antagonism): Frequent use of subterfuge to influence or control others; use of seduction, charm, glibness, or ingratiation to achieve one's ends
Callousness (an aspect of Antagonism): Lack of concern for feelings or problems of others; lack of guilt or remorse about the negative or harmful effects of one's actions on others; aggression; sadism
Deceitfulness (an aspect of Antagonism): Dishonesty and fraudulence; misrepresentation of self; embellishment or fabrication when relating events
Hostility (an aspect of Antagonism): Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults; mean, nasty, or vengeful behavior
Risk taking (an aspect of Disinhibition): Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard for consequences; boredom proneness and thoughtless initiation of activities to counter boredom; lack of concern for one's limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger
Impulsivity (an aspect of Disinhibition): Acting on the spur of the moment in reponse to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans
Irresponsibility (an aspect of Disinhibition): Disregard for—and failure to honor—financial and other obligations or commitments; lack of respect for—and lack of follow-through on—agreements and promises
Note: The individual is at least 18 years of age
Specify if:
With psychopathic features
Marked by lack of anxiety or fear and by a bold interpersonal style that may mask maladaptive anxiousness (Negative Affectivity domain), withdrawal (Detachment domain), and high levels of attention seeking (Antagonism domain). High attention seeking and low withdrawal capture the social potency (assertive/dominant) component of psychopathy, whereas low anxiousness captures the stress immunity (emotional stability/resilience) component.
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weevil-wallflower · 9 months ago
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Inquisitive Experiments
Cal Kestis x Reader
Summary: Cal's gaze lingered on You, his heart pounding with a mixture of nerves and anticipation as he contemplated the possibilities swirling in his mind. "You know," he began when You didn’t address him first, his voice barely above a whisper, "I've been thinking… We could try something different in the bedroom. Spice things up a bit."
Warnings/Tags: NSFW 18+, f!reader but no pronouns used, no use of Y/N, unprotected sex, rough rex, dom!Cal, aftercare, during/post-Jedi: Survivor, no spoilers for Jedi: Survivor.
A.N.: I began story writing once more after a long time and while my writing has been greatly improved due to studies, English is still not my first language so I'm pretty nervous. Edited it like four times... Also my very first nsfw story so might not be super good. Aaaand this was written on a whim because inspiration struck after I played the game ^_^ Gif by me!
Word Count: ~4,201
Also on AO3!
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The Mantis drifted through the depths of space, its metal hull humming softly in the void. It was a quiet night— or day? Time seemed to lose its grip as the ship travelled through deep space, the clock in the kitchen the only thing that provided a schedule.
For Cal, the silence of the ship often felt suffocating, a stagnant calm that seeped into every corner. With no external stimuli to break the monotony, the hours stretched on endlessly. Despite the ever-present hum of the engines and occasional beeps of the consoles, the silence weighed heavy on the redhead’s shoulders.
In moments like these, Cal couldn't help but feel a sense of restlessness growing inside him. Always a man of action, the absence of excitement or activity left him yearning for something more, anything to disrupt the monotonous rhythm of ship life. To him, the quietness of the Mantis wasn't just peaceful—it was downright boring. The extreme restlessness he felt only worsened upon seeing You relaxed on the sofa, looking content as You were absorbed in a holobook.
Meanwhile, in the quiet of the ship's charging station, BD-1 lay idle. Only Cal and You remained aboard, while the rest of the crew was scattered across different planets. The original plan to meet an informant on Zeffo was quickly abandoned when the seemingly shifty Twi'lek changed course, opting for Felucia instead. This unexpected detour promised to stretch their journey twofold, a deviation that typically wouldn't faze Cal, seasoned as he was in flying the Mantis solo for nearly half a decade. However, this only made him feel more tense, his mind working in overdrive to think of all the possible ways their informant may be scheming to lead them astray or worse.
You on the other hand, felt excitement surge within You as Cal's gaze bore into You from behind, even without relying on the Force to confirm it. Standing next to the ship's kitchen counter, his intense gaze, hidden beneath the cascade of his fiery hair that he'd allowed to grow past his ears, was undeniably fixed on your form. It sparked a flutter of anticipation, prompting a subtle shift in your posture as You switched to a new page, pretending to be absorbed in your holobook.
As the stillness persisted, Cal's restlessness reached its peak. Meditation crossed his mind momentarily but he decided he would rather spend time with You. You were right there, ripe for the taking. Hence, with measured steps, he walked closer to where You sat on the curved sofa, lost in the pages of your holobook. Towering over You, his presence loomed large, casting a shadow that seemed to swallow the dim light of the small lounge area.
Cal's gaze lingered on You, his heart pounding with a mixture of nerves and anticipation as he contemplated the possibilities swirling in his mind. "You know," he began when You didn’t address him first, his voice barely above a whisper, "I've been thinking... We could try something different in the bedroom. Spice things up a bit."
You glanced up from your holobook, your eyes widening in surprise at Cal's unexpected proposal. "Something new... in the bedroom?" You echoed, the words hanging in the air between you both, laden with both curiosity and budding excitement.
Cal nodded, a slight flush coloring his cheeks with excitement as he ventured further into uncharted territory. "You know, like roleplay or maybe even some light bondage," he suggested, feeling a shiver of anticipation run down his spine at the mere thought of it. So far, the two of you have only been engaging in activities that can be considered… vanilla, so to speak. Not that Cal disliked it— Anything with You involved got his blood pumping. But he was craving something new.
"Cal...!" You giggled, unable to contain your surprise at his bold suggestion. "This is so unlike you! What's the special occasion?" Your voice laced with amusement and intrigue, wondering what had sparked this sudden desire for experimentation by the usually reserved Jedi.
"Just felt like doing something different," Cal said, taking a seat next to You. "And besides, I've seen how you respond to certain things... I can tell it turns you on." His calloused hand reached out to caress your cheek gently, his green eyes full of desire.
"Oh, yeah?" You breathed out, leaning into his warm touch, savouring the sensation. "What kind of things do I respond to?" You asked, your voice tinged with curiosity, eager to hear his answer.
"Powerful gestures," Cal whispered, his other hand slowly sliding down to your waist, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. "The way you moan when I take control," he continued, his voice low and husky with desire. Leaning in closer, his lips brushed against your earlobe, sending a thrill coursing through You. "I want to hear more of those sounds," he murmured, his breath hot against your skin, igniting a fire within You.
Unable to believe how the typically kind and shy Jedi had suddenly become so assertive, You couldn't help but giggle nervously, your laughter betraying a mix of excitement. You rested your hands on his shoulders, feeling the firmness of his muscles beneath your touch as You pressed your soft breasts against his chest, the closeness between you both heightening the tension in the air.
Cal's heart raced at the sensation of your breasts pressing against him, a surge of gratitude flooding through him for having someone like You in his life. "I want to make love to you," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper, filled with a raw intensity that mirrored the passion igniting between them. 
The redhead then closed his eyes, taking a moment to savour the moment as he took a deep breath, allowing himself to become enveloped in the sensation of your body pressed against his. "Let me show you how much you mean to me," he murmured, his voice filled with tenderness and longing. With gentle strength, he lifted You up into his arms, cradling You close. He wanted to do so much more than that. But he was at a loss for words, unable to bear the thought of overwhelming You. Fortunately for him, the two of you often worked on one wavelength. Hence, he did not have to voice his desires again as You did it for him.
"I think I'm up for a little roleplay..." You whispered, your voice laced with anticipation, as he carried You towards the bedroom at the back of the Mantis.
Cal's eyes widened with surprise and excitement at your words. "Roleplay?" he echoed, his voice tinged with anticipation. With careful yet eager movements, he carried You into the bedroom and gently set You down on the bed, a mischievous grin spreading across his face as he prepared to indulge in whatever playful fantasy you both would come up with.
You couldn't help but laugh at his excitement, your eyes gazing up at him with adoration. "Do you... still have that Inquisitor uniform from our mission last time? When we infiltrated that Imperial base?" You asked, your voice tinged with a hint of shyness, the memory of that daring mission adding an extra layer of excitement to the scenario You had in mind.
"Yes, I do," The Jedi replied, his voice hitching slightly with anticipation. "You want me to wear it?" There was a moment of hesitation in his tone, uncertain of how You would react. But seeing the desire in your eyes, he knew he had to try.
"Mhm..." You eagerly nodded before quickly justifying yourself, your nerves causing You to ramble. "Not a big fan of Inquisitors, of course, since they're ruthless workers of the Empire and all that, but I do love to see you in dark armour or uniform...!" Your cheeks flushed slightly as You stumbled over your words, hoping he understood your preference despite the conflicting emotions tied to the attire.
His worries eased, Cal offered You a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I understand," he said softly before leaving the room to retrieve the uniform. He felt a mix of excitement and nervousness himself as he sought out the outfit. Upon his return, he was clad in the dark suit, its distinctive black cape billowing behind him and sleek torso armour gleaming in the dim light of the room.
"S-so... we should get in character, right...?" You whispered, your wide eyes appreciatively trailing over the redhead's figure in the Inquisitor uniform. Despite the intimidating aura associated with Inquisitors, seeing Cal dressed as one only fueled your desire for him.
"How about I play the Jedi, and you play the Inquisitor hunting me down?"
Cal nodded, a wicked grin stretching across his features. "Yes, precisely," he affirmed. Stepping closer to You, his voice deepened, assuming the persona of the Inquisitor. "I've been tracking you for weeks, little Jedi."
You barely stopped yourself from letting out an excited squeal as the redhead fully embraced his role. Instead, You quickly stood up from the bed, your expression a mix of shock and fear. "How did you find me?!" You exclaimed, playing along with the scenario as your heart raced with anticipation.
"My training has prepared me well for situations like this, Jedi," the Inquisitor replied, his voice dripping with ominous authority. With purposeful strides, he advanced towards You, each step echoing in the small room. "Your hiding place was not so well-guarded after all," he added, his tone implying a sense of superiority and triumph.
You backed away as his menacing form advanced upon You, your eyes frantically scanning the room to calculate an escape route.
Cal stopped a few feet away from You, close enough to see the fear in your eyes but not close enough to make You feel trapped. "You're strong for a Jedi, little one," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "But you're also alone." He let his gaze drift down your body before meeting your eyes again. "You should've stayed hidden," he said with a sigh, reaching to his side for his lightsaber hilt.
Taking advantage of his brief distraction, You swiftly sidestepped him and dashed towards the workbench where your own lightsaber lay.
Cal swiftly spun around, his hand gripping his lightsaber tightly as he faced You. "You think you can outsmart an Inquisitor, Jedi?" he asked, his voice dripping with darkness and menace. Yet, he hadn't even bothered to ignite his lightsaber, so confident in his ability to detain You without the use of a weapon.
Gripping your lightsaber in terror, its blade not yet ignited either, You glared up at the Inquisitor. "Leave now, if you know what's good for you," You attempted to sound threatening, but your voice shook with fear too much to be convincing.
Cal chuckled darkly. "You really think that will stop me?" he asked, taking another step closer to You. "I have hunted Jedi like you for years. You're nothing special." With a menacing grin, he reached out with the Force, attempting to pull your lightsaber from your grip, causing You to grunt and hold your weapon tightly. Your arm outstretched as it was almost pulled away, forcing You to plant your feet firmly on the ground in resistance.
The Inquisitor could sense your strength through the Force as you both struggled against each other. Finally, with a surge of effort, he succeeded in dislodging the lightsaber from your grip, causing it to fly into his outstretched hand.
Gasping as You were rendered defenseless, You realised You had no other choice but to flee. Quickly, You rushed over to the door, desperation urging You forward.
Unfortunately for You, the Inquisitor proved quicker, pushing You roughly against the wall. He pressed his body flush against yours, pinning You there as he looked into your eyes. "I can offer you another choice, little Jedi," he whispered, his voice laced with a sinister undertone.
"W-What other choice...?" You stammered, your voice trembling with uncertainty and apprehension.
His lips brushed against yours, his lips cold but his heart pounding in his chest as he slowly, gently claimed your mouth in a kiss. You softly returned the kiss, standing on your tip toes to meet him halfway, almost breaking character before glaring up at him after he broke it off a few moments later, his eyes gleaming with desire. "You could give yourself up," he said silkily.
"And become a slave to the Empire? Like you? No, thanks..."
Cal smiled darkly. "Unfortunate," he murmured, gripping your chin roughly to make You meet his gaze. "You're not as clever as you believe, Jedi. You have nowhere to run." His hand tightened around your chin, forcing You to hold his gaze. "You'll eventually be locked in a cell, but I can give you one last chance," he growled, his tone laced with lethal intent.
"You could give in... to me." He continued, pressing closer as he leaned down to whisper in your ear. "Or I'll have no choice but to make you mine by force."
"I-I'll never give in..." Your voice shook as your thighs pressed together, attempting to relieve some of the ache You felt in your core. You wondered what Cal would do if You chose the harder route.
In response, Cal's eyes flashed with a mix of lust and anger. "Then you leave me no choice," he growled, forcefully pushing You against the wall, eliminating any space between your bodies. His mouth descended upon yours in a brutal kiss, his tongue invading your mouth as he took what he desired, causing You to gasp and softly moan into the kiss, your hands clutching his broad shoulders in response.
Cal's grip on You tightened, his tongue dancing with yours as he claimed your mouth completely. His other hand slipped down to grope at your ass, squeezing the firm flesh through the clothes. He broke the kiss only to growl against your neck, "You'll submit to me, Jedi. And you'll enjoy it." He grabbed your arms, holding them above your head with one hand before leaning in to nip at your exposed neck, his teeth leaving marks as he continued to grope at your butt with his other hand.
The hand that had been holding your arms captive slowly trailed down to your chest, roughly squeezing your breasts through your clothes, grinning menacingly against your neck. "You desire this," he growled, seizing a handful of your hair, causing You to wince as he pulled your head back, his lips grazing against your throat.
The redhead momentarily paused, whispering in your ear, his hot breath sending goosebumps rising on your skin. "Are you comfortable with this? Because I can go as far as you want," he murmured. He nipped at your earlobe, his other hand continuing to squeeze your breast through your clothes.
His question elicited a soft smile from You, your heart fluttering as Cal broke character to ask for your permission, demonstrating his deep care for You by being unwilling to hurt you, even unintentionally.
"I'm okay... I'm actually enjoying this so far," You shyly whispered, reassuring him. "Please, don't hold back. Be as mean to me as you want... I know I can always use the safe word if things feel too much."
Cal's smile returned as he slipped back into character. His eyes flashed with lust and power as he smiled cruelly, releasing your hair but maintaining his grip on your breasts. "You want me to be cruel? To take you against your will?" he questioned, his voice laced with dominance and desire.
"Please, Inquisitor... don't do this!" You whined, your tone almost playful as your soft folds moistened with arousal.
Cal chuckled darkly as he moved his hand to cup your sex through your pants, asserting his dominance. "Oh, but I will," he growled, his hand feeling how wet You were even through your clothes. His free hand reached up to undo his pants, pulling out his thick cock with a harsh grunt.
Your eyes widened at the sight of him. "I-I don't think it'll fit..." You whispered, aware that you both knew it was partially true. You just wanted to say it to boost the redhead’s confidence.
Cal smirked, taking it as a challenge. "Watch me," he growled, pushing your pants down and panties to the side. He positioned himself at your entrance, his thick cockhead pressing against You slowly. "Are you sure you don't want me to go easy on you?"
Your lips curled into a soft smile as your hands tenderly brushed against his cheeks, feeling the roughness of his stubble. You were so grateful for his concern and love for You.
"Yes, Cal... Don't hold back," You whispered, giving him permission to fully immerse himself in the moment.
Cal's heart skipped a beat at your words, feeling a surge of desire course through him. He pushed forward, slowly penetrating your tight folds. It was a struggle to get all of his girth inside You, but he managed it with a grunt. "Kriff..."
The intense pressure caused your back to arch off of the wall, pushing your breasts against the chest plating of his dark uniform, feeling his girth fill You to the brim.
The Inquisitor gritted his teeth, determined to fulfill your desires. He began to thrust slowly but powerfully, feeling his cock sinking deep inside You with every push. His free hand moved up under your shirt to cup one of your breasts roughly, pinching your nipple between his fingers.
"Oh... Oh, please, Inquisitor... It hurts..." You playfully whined, though your facial expressions conveyed anything but pain.
Cal chuckled darkly, the sound reverberating against your sensitive skin. "That's it, my little whore," he growled into your neck, his pace quickening as he took You roughly against the wall.
You squeaked and threw your head back, the unexpected derogatory word causing your inner walls to clench hard around him, eliciting a groan of pleasure from Cal. "You like that, don't you? Being called a whore?" he demanded, grabbing You by the hair and forcefully pulling your head back to make You meet his gaze.
Softly moaning, You gave him a little smirk, replying, "N-No, Inquisitor. Whatever gave you that idea?"
Cal laughed, his thrusts becoming even harder and faster. "Liar," he snarled, slamming into You with brutal force. His other hand slid down to your aching clit, teasing it roughly as he continued to pound into You.
The intense pleasure wiped the smirk off your face as You arched your back, closing your eyes in ecstasy. Your hands clutched Cal's shoulders tightly, one moving up to run your fingers through his fiery hair. You loved how he had allowed his hair to grow past their usual style.
Cal growled, feeling the pleasure coursing through him as he took You roughly against the wall. Sensing his climax approaching, he slammed his hips into yours with a feral intensity. "You enjoy being taken like this, don't you?"
"O-Only by you!" You gasped out, your legs wrapped tightly around his hips as he pounded into You, a grin spreading across his face as he felt his climax building rapidly. Leaning down, he captured your lips in a rough, passionate kiss as he continued to thrust into You, feeling your walls clenching around him tighter and tighter.
You moaned into the kiss, feeling Cal's tongue intertwining with yours as your walls tightened, signaling your impending climax. Cal's thrusts became more erratic as he neared his climax as well, the pleasure coursing through him reaching new heights. He felt your walls convulse around him as your release synchronised with his, and with a final roar of pleasure, he released himself inside You, filling You with his seed.
Cal panted heavily, his body shuddering as he leaned his head against yours, still buried inside You. He looked down at You, both your eyes locking in a moment of shared satisfaction. "That was... intense," he said with a chuckle, slowly pulling out of You.
"Mhm..." You hummed, feeling blissed out as You rested between Cal and the wall with your eyes closed, your legs feeling like jelly when the redhead gently placed You back on your feet. Letting out a satisfied sigh, Cal planted a gentle kiss on your forehead before he pulled You into a warm embrace, feeling a stirring of affection for You. "You're quite something, aren't you?"
"So are you..." You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Thank you for doing this with me..."
Cal smiled, his heart warming at your words. "No need to thank me," he said softly, nuzzling his face into your neck. "I enjoyed it just as much as you did."
"You enjoyed being bad to me...?" You teasingly whispered, unable to resist, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, causing his cheeks to flush at your words. But he couldn't suppress the smirk that spread across his face. "Well... perhaps just a bit," he admitted, brushing his lips against yours playfully. "But only because it made you feel good."
Your smirk softened into a loving smile at his words, overwhelmed by the sweetness of the man and the fact that he was yours. However, You were pulled from your thoughts when Cal's eyes widened as he noticed the bruises on your hips and thighs from where he had gripped You too hard. "Oh no, my love..." he said worriedly, tracing his fingers over the marks gently. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been so rough."
"Don't be!" You softly held his hands in yours, stopping him from fretting over You. "I wanted this, remember. And besides, it's a good kind of hurt."
Cal sighed, still grappling with a mix of emotions, both guilt and satisfaction, as he remembered the passionate encounter. He then scooped You up into his arms and carried You towards the refresher, setting You down gently on the edge of the tub, his mind set on making you feel better. "Perhaps we can take it easy and ensure you're feeling alright?"
"Oh yeah, what do you have in mind?"
With his eye green eyes full of love, Cal replied, "How about a nice bath together?" He began running the water, adjusting the temperature until it was warm and inviting. "We can sit back, relax, and just... enjoy each other's company."
"That sounds amazing..." You sighed in delight before smirking up at the redhead. "You might want to lose all that armor..." You gestured to the inquisitor uniform he still wore, prompting a soft chuckle and nod from him. "Good idea." He proceeded to unfasten the various straps and buckles of his armor, unveiling his toned physique underneath.
You observed his body with without shame, admiring the abundant freckles that dotted his skin like stars, the scars and muscles revealing his experience as a seasoned Jedi, etching the image into your mind. "As much as I enjoy seeing you in uniform, the downside is not being able to admire you in all your naked glory..."
Cal grinned at your comment. "Well, now's your chance." He stepped out of the armor entirely, standing fully naked before You. His anticipation palpable, his cock twitched slightly as he eased into the tub. But despite his returning excitement, he reminded himself that your comfort was of greater importance at that moment. Hence, with gentle hands, he guided You in, mindful of your still-unsteady legs after your intense session earlier. Your skin brushed softly against each other as you both tried to find a comfortable position.
Once You were settled in, You sighed contentedly and closed your eyes, feeling your body immediately relax as You nestled between his legs, leaning back against his strong chest. The warmth of the bath melted away both your sweat and any lingering tension from the encounter. In that moment, You couldn't help but reflect on how safe Cal always made You feel, more than anyone else has ever been able to.
Meanwhile, the Jedi leaned his head against yours, breathing deeply as he relaxed into the moment. Holding You close, he gently stroked your hair while you both shared the bath. The silence enveloped you, comfortable and serene, allowing the two of you to simply enjoy each other's company without words. Cal placed a tender kiss on the top of your head, feeling content in that fleeting moment of peace.
After some time, he began to softly massage your shoulders and back, his strong hands working out the knots of tension that had built up there. He continued down your spine, slowly working his way towards your hips and thighs.
As the redhead's soothing touches eased your tension, You couldn't help but emit soft, appreciative sounds, allowing your body to sink deeper into his embrace, raising one hand to gently caress his stubbled cheek. "You're so sweet to me..."
Cal's gaze softened as he leaned closer, his eyes fixed on yours. "You deserve all the sweetness in the galaxy, my love." He couldn't resist pressing his lips to yours, your lips meeting in a gentle but passionate embrace. In that moment, he poured all his love into that kiss, relishing the taste of You.
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novlr · 1 year ago
Note
Do you have tips on writing a character who hasn't eaten in a while?
Hunger is more than a mere rumble in the belly; it is a powerful human experience that intertwines emotion with the physical, influencing a character’s actions and shaping their decisions. Whether it is the gnawing emptiness of a missed meal or the desperate ache of long-term deprivation, hunger can be a compelling force in storytelling.
Behaviour
Persistent thoughts of food
Increased irritability or lack of focus
Hoarding behaviours
Overprotective around food
Frequently visit places where food can be obtained
Partake in activities that distract from hunger
Eager to accept food-related invitations or tasks
Unusually willing to consume foods they normally wouldn’t
A gradual decline in energy or enthusiasm
Show obsessive behaviours
Interactions
Easily agitated in social situations
Conversations frequently divert back to topics of food
Bartering or trading items of value for food
Impatient when waiting for food in group settings
Feel shame or embarrassment when their hunger is noticed
Increased generosity when they have food, knowing what it’s like to be without
Reluctance to share food or an obsession with equal portions
Withdraw from social interactions to avoid exposing their hunger
Probe others for information about potential food sources
Relationships could be strained or strengthened through the sharing or withholding of food
Body language
Slumped or listless posture due to low energy
Stomach clutching or other physical manifestations of hunger
Fidgety, restless movements or a loss of coordination
Fixation with watching others eat or staring at food
Slow, lethargic response to stimuli unrelated to food
Exhibit rapid eating behaviours when food is available
Frequently licking lips in anticipation of eating
Increased response to food-related stimuli, like smelling food from afar
Distracted gaze, as if looking for food opportunities
Display physical signs of malnutrition, such as physical weakness, hair loss or sallow skin
Attitude
Pessimistic or short-tempered
Single-mindedness focus that prioritises food
Impolite or a lack of social graces
Increased risk-taking behaviour through desperation
Manipulative
Fluctuating moods
Sense of hopelessness
Heightened sense of gratitude for any food received
A less discerning perspective on what is considered ‘edible’
Reevaluating personal values and priorities
Positive story outcomes
Lead to resourcefulness and problem-solving skills
Strengthening of relationships through shared experiences of scarcity
Hunger may catalyse a character’s personal growth or shift in perspective
Lead to communities coming together to support each other
Characters might discover new talents or skills in their quest to find food
Act as a motivator for a character to overcome obstacles
May lead to intense moments of satisfaction or relief when resolved
Build an appreciation for the simple things in life, including basic sustenance
Show how hunger can become a catalyst for social or political change.
Can be the driving force behind a character’s ultimate success story.
Negative story outcomes
Chronic hunger can lead to physical and mental health decline
May push characters to commit acts they would normally consider immoral
Show the breakdown of social order or relationships
Result in a character’s loss of dignity or self-respect
Can have a debilitating effect on a character’s ability to achieve their goals
Character development might take a dark turn, showing a descent into obsession or madness
Tragic endings, such as starvation or conflict over resources
Expose societal inequities and drive wedges between groups
Illustrate the loss of innocence, as characters are forced to confront harsh realities
An insurmountable barrier, leading to unfulfilled potential or unfinished journeys
Helpful adjectives
Ravenous
Starving
Famished
Hollow-stomached
Craving
Unfulfilled
Pining
Empty
Desperate
Gut-wrenching
Aching
Parched
Gaunt
Gnawing
Consuming emptiness
Insatiable
Malnourished
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fancygremlin · 30 days ago
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I am starting to believe that both Warren and Gordon have dealt with a lot of childhood trauma, but they developed different responses as a way to try and protect themselves. In terms of emotional responses, I think Warren's instinctual reaction to potential danger is a freeze response, while Gordon's is a flight response.
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This is going to be a long one, so the full analysis goes under the cut.
Warren and the freeze response
A freeze response involves the person not responding, reacting or acting against a perceived danger or threat until it passes. Sometimes it precedes a fight or flight response.
I believe Warren 'freezes' when he has to deal with physical and/or emotional threats. This seems to be a behaviour that persists with the character since his early childhood:
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If we look at how he talks about this, two thing immediately jump out: firstly, he says he "would always do everything [he] could to avoid being hit" and, secondly the emotional response he associates with being confronted or challenged is fear. Both of the aforementioned points seem to suggest that he prefers to keep himself apart and invisible/ unseen (hence, immobile, silent and difficult to notice) from people or situations in an attempt to not provoke or generate reactions or situations that could cause him hurt or distress. When he fails to do that, he does not respond to aggression, but maintains a passive demeanour until danger passes. We have seen that when confronted, he never matches the anger of the other person, never responds to provoke an emotional response. He doesn't match the tone, emotion or energy of the situation. He doesn't empathise, or try to appease the other person either (that's more akin to a fawn response). Instead he stays very still and silent... turning himself into a punching bag until the moment, distressing situation or danger has passed.
This is seen on multiple occasions throughout the podcast... like when he has a confrontation with his sister at their father's grave, he doesn't react aggressively. And again, he doesn't react much when he is called by a very (reasonably) angry Karen while he is on his impromptu road trip with Gordon. This specific behaviour is particularly evident during the Season 1 finale (ep.5 and 6).
In episode 5, Warren seems almost catatonic, despondent and lifeless from the moment he listened to the tape and all the way to the Red Valley research facility. He clearly had not talked or reacted to stimuli from the moment the cassette ended:
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Throughout the rest of the next episode, his tone remains flat and measured, and his demeanour dejected and almost mechanical... despite his whole life falling apart he is doing nothing to ensure his safety. He is just passively taking everything in and letting people do and say to him anything they want and treat him in whatever way they want.
Even when Clive berates, ridicules and taunts him, Warren remains still and, for the most part, silent. He just asks to talk to his wife Karen Bryony repeatedly, always in a flat and measured tone of voice. It does take Clive a while, but he does get a violent reaction out of Warren in the end.
Warren therefore, seems to switch from a freeze to a fight response if everything becomes too overwhelming or difficult to bear. I think it is possible that this switch from freeze to fight mode is what caused Warren to land himself in prison. I can't begin to speculate what or who caused such distress that Warren had to resort to this to protect himself... but I am leaning towards something revolving either around his dad or his family.
Returning to ep.6, Warren doesn't fight back or react much or at all after being apprehended and sent to the cryogenic pod:
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I also think that his disinterest, defeat and lack of reaction when Gordon visits him and suggests they could try to escape is a freezing response (but he is hooked up on morphine, so maybe his calmness is due to that).
The freeze response was most certainly a learnt behaviour that Warren learnt would keep him safe when dealing with the turbulent family situation at home. I feel like the main things Warren got out of his childhood trauma are a freeze response to danger, an inferiority complex, and probably a lot of issues with self esteem and self worth. All of these are definitely going to affect him and the way he behaves, his choices and actions throughout the rest of this podcast.
I think that this childhood experience impacted Warren so much that even in adulthood he will never (or at least, he will find it very hard to) fight back. Even when the people closest to him are going to hurt him, and even when he truly thinks he doesn’t deserve it. No matter what, he will always feel like the little kid that had to face off his own dad: too small and too powerless to really do anything to protect himself.
[As a side note: it is such a cruel irony that the character that gets cryogenically frozen twice (as far as I know, I have just listened to Season 1) developed a freeze response to danger.]
Gordon and the flight response
The flight response involves a person removing themselves from the perceived threat. This can be done by either physically or emotionally distancing themselves.
Gordon was a bit trickier to figure out, but one part of the last episode of the 'While You Were Hypersleeping' made it click for me: his instinct is to put physical and/or emotional distance between him and the perceived threat.
I think this is again, a learnt behaviour that stemmed from an unstable and emotionally charged family situation. It is alluded that Gordon does not like confrontations or people raising their voices around him. This behavioural response is observed when Gordon was listening to some of Warren's tapes. The latter was expressing his strong disappointment about a movie he watched, when Blue Sky begins to speak over it to refer information about an actor that was mentioned in passing. The cacophony of overlapping voices (that almost seemed to be aggressively arguing or disagreeing about something) caused Gordon to feel in emotional distress, to the point that he had to shut both the recordings and Blue down:
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Gordon definitely has carried this coping mechanism into his adulthood too.
Let's begin with some examples of how Gordon has physically distanced himself from danger. In the Season 1 finale, he is incredibly insistent on running away and proposes this option at any chance he gets from the moment he and Warren find the research facility. Furthermore, as Clive is interviewing Warren and things start to get heated, Gordon offers to make that tea for everyone. Making tea was a good excuse as any for Gordon to physically distance and remove himself from the emotionally charged situation.
Gordon also routinely distances himself emotionally from distressing situations by wedging pop culture references between himself and the perceived danger of threat.
One of the most prominent moments in which he uses this coping mechanism is throughout the whole segment that leads to the Red Valley research facility. During this, he keeps making references to common and well known horror movies. For example, when he finally finds Warren at the entrance of the research facility, he makes this comment:
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He continues to make several horror movie references as he continues to work at the research facility... probably as a way to cope with the loneliness and distress caused by his exceptional circumstances. For example, in episode 2, Gordon finds another of Warren's tapes and after listening to it, it dawns on him that the cohort of subjects used for the cryogenic research are all convicted felons. That includes Warren... and Gordon is stuck in the same building as him. Alone. In the middle of nowhere.
Gordon, understandably feels distress feels the need to flee and nearly takes off with his car, never to be seen again... but then he reconsiders and stays. In episode 3, Gordon makes a very big reference to The Shining movie:
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This comment demonstrates the amount of distress Gordon is in, and how he is still using media to distract himself from the distressing situation.
Interestingly, it seems that this coping mechanism works a little too well sometimes… In the last episode of the 'While You Were Hypersleeping' miniseries, Gordon makes a comment that shows his complete emotional detachment from the situation at hand, going so far as considering the facility as not part of "the real world":
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The reason why Gordon displays this behaviour is stated in one of the recordings he makes in the 'While You Were Hypersleeping' miniseries:
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Gordon does not feel safe in expressing distress, anxiety or any negative reaction in front of people and requires physical distance from a dangerous situation and solitude in order to properly process these 'unwanted' emotions. He confesses all this in front of Warren's pod, knowing that his friend cannot hear him and will never know anything about this.
I don't know if I am assuming too much from too little, but it seems that Gordon grew up in an environment where he was never quite safe to let his emotions and feelings be expressed, accepted or heard. As a defence mechanism, Gordon has learnt to use his interests and passions as shields, or layers between himself and the outside world, when he perceives it to be dangerous or hostile. He only allows himself to be vulnerable when he knows he is alone and no one can hear him.
That's why he flew under Clive and the company's radar and was considered a "stillwater"... because no one cared to look too closely to understand or know him. I think that the only possibility for Warren to get to know his new friend is to comb through all the recordings and tapes Gordon has made over the years and peel each of the carefully constructed layers back until he gets to see the real Gordon.
To conclude this analysis on a sweeter and nicer note...
I like how just before Warren was about to go under cryogenic sleep, Gordon (while being under a lot of stress and anxiety and worry himself) doesn't hesitate to try and distract him from the distressing situation by bringing up a tv show they both of them happened to watch as little kids:
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It was a very neat moment where they truly connected.
BUT ALSO!!! I see what you did there!!! Warren being a name for a rabbit's burrow, and rabbits being animals that go for the flight response when facing danger... I see what you did there and I am crying about it!
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sufrimientilia · 5 months ago
Text
Research Log #P5-00436
FACILITY: [REDACTED] DATE: [REDACTED] CASE: #E2756895 ATTENDING: [REDACTED] UNIT: WARD 92 OBJECTIVE: Behavioral Compliance Induction
TIME: [09:45:00]
SUBJECT #1138-B7 was brought to the operating theater, prepped and draped in the usual fashion. Intravenous access was established using a 20-gauge catheter inserted into the left antecubital vein. Electrodes were placed on the scalp for continuous EEG monitoring. Additional sensors were attached to record heart rate, respiratory rate, and galvanic skin response (GSR).
Subject presents as a 25 year old male, physically healthy, baseline vitals recorded WNL. Subject exhibited signs of anxiety and resistance, which were managed by the use of sedatives (2 mg Midazolam IV).
[09:53:11]: Subject questioned to establish baseline cognitive and physiological parameters. Orientation, recall, and basic comprehension intact.
[10:00:00]: Infusion of proprietary psychotropic agent PCA-35 initiated at a rate of 5 mL/min.
[10:03:48]: Subject displays signs of restlessness. Cortical activation indicated by increased uptake on EEG. Subject gives responses to verbal stimuli and reports a sensation of lightheadedness.
[10:04:25]: Subject complains of stinging sensation and bittersweet taste. Noted slight tremor in extremities and increased heart rate. GSR indicates heightened anxiety.
[10:05:13]: Subject questioned to establish cognitive and physiological parameters. Noted delayed responses. Subject struggles to follow simple instructions, becomes distracted, provides incoherent explanations of surroundings, misinterprets questions.
[10:09:32]: Subject begins to exhibit signs of altered perception, including auditory hallucinations and delirium. EEG shows increased theta wave activity. Physical agitation observed; restraints effective in maintaining Subject's position. Subject too agitated for cognitive and physiological testing.
[10:14:45]: Administration of compound #GS-P5R initiated at 12 L/min via inhalation mask to reduce anxiety and stabilize neural response. Infusion of PCA-35 increased to 7.5 mL/min.
[10:19:48]: Subject's responses to verbal and physical stimuli decrease significantly. Continued monitoring shows stable vitals but increased physical rigidity. Administered 1 mg Lorazepam IV to reduce muscle tension.
[10:24:22]: Subject’s speech becomes slurred and incoherent. Noted disorientation to stimuli, increased muscle laxity. Decrease in heart rate and blood pressure.
[10:33:14]: Subject enters a semi-catatonic state. Eyes remain open but unresponsive to visual stimuli. Pupils equal but dilated. EEG shows dominant delta wave activity.
[10:42:28]: Subject displays signs of decreased neural responsiveness. Decreased pupillary reaction, continued slow rolling movement of the eyes, jerky movement of the whole body (hypnic jerks). Persistent drooling noted.
[10:45:04]: Infusion of PCA-13 reduced to 1 mL/min. Administration of compound #GS-P5R reduced to 2 L/min via nasal cannula.
[10:50:34]: Subject engaged with repetitive commands in accordance to Behavioral Compliance Protocols. Verbal cues, electronic conditioning, and multi-sensory stimuli reinforcement prove ineffective. Subject remains largely non-reactive.
[10:57:55]: Subject’s eyes remain unfocused with significant drooping. Attempts to direct gaze result in brief eye opening, followed by rapid drooping. Subject mumbles incoherently.
[10:58:06]: Speculum applied to maintain eyelid retraction for continuous observation and responsiveness testing. Subject demonstrates minimal resistance; remains in stuporous state. Droplets of propriety psychotic #3A administered to each eye. Immediate increase in pupil dilation and noticeable twitching observed.
[11:00:17]: Visual stimulus presented. Subject's eyes remain fixed and extremely dilated. Noted tremors in hands, erratic breathing patterns, increase in heart rate. Subject occasionally mumbles with extreme delay in response latency to verbal and physical testing.
[11:05:23]: Subject engaged with repetitive commands in accordance to Behavioral Compliance Protocols. Verbal cues, electronic conditioning, and multi-sensory stimuli reinforcement prove insignificant. Subject displays significant cognitive impairment, involuntary reflexes, significant drooling, and uncoordinated movements.
[11:10:19]: Increased auditory and visual stimuli introduced to enhance command comprehension of Behavioral Compliance Protocols. Subject displays signs of severe neural suppression. EEG findings variable and nonspecific, low voltage and slow irregular activity nonreactive to sensory stimuli.
[11:15:52]: Subject engaged with high-intensity visual stimuli (rapid flashing) and continuous auditory commands. Subject shows brief eye fixation on visual stimulus, with occasional facial twitching. Overall response is characterized by slow, inconsistent movements and frequent confusion. Subject’s attempts to respond are sporadic, sluggish, and incoherent.
[11:20:14]: Administered low-frequency auditory tones and ambient lighting. Subject displays intermittent eye tracking and reflexive vocalizations. Eyes lubricated to prevent irritation; speculum remains in place. Despite the high level of impairment, occasional partial compliance with commands noted.
[11:30:31]: Subject provided with 500 mL saline IV to maintain hydration. Subject engaged with repetitive commands in accordance to Compliance Protocols. Verbal cues, electronic conditioning, and multi-sensory stimuli reinforcement prove moderately effective as demonstrated by increased uptake seen on EEG. Noted severe motor function impairment, persistent drooling, disorientation.
[11:37:48]: Visual and auditory stimuli calibrated to induce deep trance state in preparation for Hypnotic Compliance Protocols. Subject's head and neck stabilized to ensure alignment with visual stimuli. Monitored vital signs remain stable but indicate persistent sedation effects. Subject remains largely unresponsive, exhibiting only involuntary reflexes and intense eye fixation on visual stimulus.
[12:00:00]: End of Behavioral Compliance Induction log. Subject's transition to hypnotic phase officially logged and observed.
TRANSFER OF CARE: [REDACTED]
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yourreliablenarrator · 5 months ago
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“Displeasure”
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⇢ Leon Scott Kennedy x Fem reader
[Contains: Profanity, some suggestiveness, drinking (mostly wine and whiskey), this is Leon from RE4R (after the mission with Ashley).]
Trope: Enemies to lovers(?).
Word Count: Idk (I’M SORRY Y’ALL 💀)
Note: This is my ever first attempt to make a small, little one-shot. Of course, there are going to be some errors and mistakes in my work, and it’s been a while since I last wrote something. This also my first time writing and posting it public, so I am both nervous and excited all at the same time! <3
P.S.: Also, if you have any criticism or concerns about what I write or how I wrote in this oneshot, please don’t hesitate! I really don’t mind any criticism since that will help me to write better and more efficient! Thank you so much!
(Edit (7/22/24): Forgot to mention that I did rush this and I do promise not to do this mistake again since I want for people, like you, to enjoy content like this. 💛)
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He couldn't figure out why he agreed to attend this party organized by his colleagues. He wasn't really into parties, unless they offered drinks to help him forget about his own emotions and problems.
The music pumps through his ears as he navigates the crowd. Every sense was bombarded by various stimuli, especially from the partygoers. Nevertheless, he persists in pushing through the throng of people.
All he was going to do was have a few drinks and then leave without uttering a word. Or, well, that's what he planned in his mind, and he hoped not to have any interruptions from any of his coworkers.
As he walked up to the bar, muttering a request to the bartender to give him two shots of whiskey. The man behind the counter only gave Leon a nod in response and walks away to fix him up some glasses.
While he was waiting, more like spacing out, he notices that someone sits next to him. Yet, he decided to pay no attention to them as he keeps his gaze trained to the wood counter.
However, the person’s voice next to him catches his attention.
“Fancy seeing you here, Leon.”
Quickly, he turns to look at the person next to him, only to realize that it was you. Of course it had to be you out of anyone in this building.
You and Leon didn’t have the best relationship with one another. You both bicker and make snarky comments to each other. Every time you teamed up in a mission, you and him always left with the most annoyed look on your faces. No one knows what happens during those missions, but at least you both get the job done.
You were wearing a red, skimpy dress—something to catch his eye and makes his face redden. He almost wanted to look up and down your body and make a flirtatious comment, but he hated you—right?
He lets out a tired scoff, turning away from you the moment he realized that his small cups were already in front of him. He grasps one of the shot-glasses with narrowed eyes, his teeth gritted together.
“What do you want?” He grumbles in a low, displeased tone, taking a quick sip of his whiskey.
“Why do you always think I want something from you?” You responded with another question, he could feel your eyes trailing up and down his body, almost making him want to shiver.
“Because whenever you’re around me with that cocky, little grin, you either want to annoy the hell out of me or you’re that drunk and you want to make out with me.” He explains, which only made you feel more amused.
“Touché,” you mutter with a bigger smile, trying to keep yourself from laughing.
Leon only rolls his eyes in response, taking the last sip from his second shot of whiskey. When he places it down on the counter, his eyes were now on your face, which had a big smile.
He wasn’t sure if he wanted to strangle you or kiss you senseless.
“Can you leave me alone?” He asked, adverting his gaze from you once more and looks back at the bartender who gave him a third glass.
“Well, can we talk?” You ask him with a raised brow, leaning your chest against the counter to try and catch his gaze, but it was a futile effort.
”’Bout what?” He asked, looking down at his small cup.
“About us.”
Confused, Leon’s face immediately turned towards yours once more, realizing that you weren’t joking about this. It was slightly surprising since, well, you weren’t exactly a girl that would take anything seriously as much as he does.
“…Like what?” He added, shifting his body so he didn’t have to keep his heard turned while his body was towards the counter.
“Well,” you began, shifting closer to him on your seat, “we’ve accidentally been at each other’s throats ever since we first met. I don’t think that we should… well, y’know, be enemies, I guess?”
“You guess?”
You only shrugged your shoulders in response.
Hesitant, Leon ponders at the prospect at being friends—or at least allies—anytime you both went on missions. It did seem tempting, but he was clearly reluctant since this was so sudden.
“Look,” he began with a sigh, shaking his head. “If it’s just because you want to sleep with me, then I don’t really care about being on good terms with you.”
“Nah,” you answered.
He exhales sharply, gripping at his small shot of whiskey in his grasp.
“Alright,” he answered, turning his gaze back onto the counter in front of him. “Only on one condition: you stop giving me those weird looks like you are right now.”
He doesn’t want to admit, but those “weird looks” were making his heart flutter and his pale cheeks more flushed with color.
“Deal.” You responded before raising your cup up with a smile. “Cheers to a new friendship.”
He scoffs at first, but finally raises his glass before he quickly chugs it like he hasn’t drank anything for a week.
“Damn,” you chuckled, cocking your head to the side. “Calm down, Leon. Does that whiskey even touch your tongue?”
“Yeah, but I don’t give a shit.”
Hours passed, most of the people who were here for a good time were starting to leave. Yet, you both were still there on the same seats you were on for the last few hours.
You both were pretty drunk, and Leon usually had a high tolerance to alcohol and could hold in his liquor, but he was probably on his fifth drink of the night besides the first few whiskeys he had at the start of the night.
He was starting to loosen up to you.
Well, he already was, but maybe a bit too comfortable around you.
He was rather a bit touchy when he was drunk, and you didn’t really expect that from him. In all seriousness, most people would assume that he was a sleepy drunk or maybe even an idiot when he was drunk, but not this flirtatious.
Yet, you didn’t really mind this.
It was finally time when you both decided to part ways for the night; or that’s what you planned to.
Just as about you were head to the door, something came over Leon that almost made him want to shout stop and ask you not to leave. Instead of doing that, his subconscious thought immediately went to grasp your wrist. It was firm, but gentle.
When you turned to him, his face was flushed, but you weren’t sure if it was because how much he drank… or if this was something else?
“Hey,” he began in a low, gentle manner.
“Yeah?” You asked with a small grin, trying not to snort at how his words were slurred together.
“Do…” his voice trails off, as if he was afraid of being rejected by you. “Do you wanna come over to my house tonight?”
He was caught off guard by what he just had asked. Yet, he still did it anyways, and now he was holding his breath and waits for your response.
Then, you finally gave him a sweet, sultry smile in the process. You took a small step towards him before pushing your lips against his, pulling him into a passionate, warm kiss.
When you both pulled away, you look at him with a chuckle.
“Sure,” you replied. “Hope you don’t mind staying up late.”
He laughs in response. “Don’t mind.”
He pulls away from you before he takes your hand into his, intertwining your fingers with his. Finally, you both start to leave the party with big, excited grins on your faces.
It seems like neither of you were going to get any sleep tonight.
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schizoidvision · 7 months ago
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7 Reasons Schizoids May Struggle to Take Action
Schizoids can find it challenging to engage in activities or take action, a phenomenon rooted deeply in their psychological makeup. Below, we take a look at some of the reasons why schizoids may find it hard to take action..
1. The Anti-Libidinal Ego: The anti-libidinal ego can become a powerful force within individuals, particularly those with schizoid tendencies. It is a part of the personality that develops as a response to frustrating or rejecting experiences with primary caregivers or important figures during early development. This internal voice often manifests as negative thoughts or an inner dialogue that creates reasons to avoid engaging in activities.
The anti-libidinal ego serves as a defense mechanism, protecting the individual from perceived threats or overwhelming stimuli by discouraging action. It shields the individual against negative experiences in the external world. However, it can lead to self-sabotage, self-criticism, and a general inhibition of desires and motivations, as it seeks to protect the individual from disappointment by curbing emotional and libidinal (desire-driven) impulses.
2. Lack of Motivation and Personal Drive: Schizoids often struggle with a lack of feeling, motivation, and personal drive. This can result in a general disinterest in activities that are not strictly necessary. The absence of intrinsic motivation makes it easy for them to talk themselves out of doing things, leading to inactivity and a sedentary lifestyle.
3. Overthinking and Intellectualization: Schizoids are highly mentally active, often engaging in creative thought, imagination, and theorizing. This tendency to live in their heads can lead to overthinking and intellectualization, where they get caught up in the idea of doing things without actually taking steps to make those ideas a reality. Intellectualizing actions can also involve creating hypothetical reasons why something might be enjoyable or beneficial, yet failing to act on these thoughts.
4. Anhedonia and Despondency: Anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure, is a common trait among schizoids. This condition can lead to despondency and a general lack of enthusiasm for activities. Schizoids might foresee activities as unenjoyable or not worth their time, which reinforces their tendency to avoid engagement with the physical world.
5. Foreseeing Negative Outcomes: The anti-libidinal ego often emphasizes potential negative outcomes, making schizoids wary of taking risks. This fear of negative consequences, coupled with a lack of foreseeable positive gain, can deter them from pushing beyond their comfort zone. Evaluating the real potential for negative outcomes and applying cost-benefit analysis can sometimes help in mitigating these types of concerns.
6. Difficulty in Assigning Importance: Schizoids may find it challenging to engage in activities that are not immediately necessary. They might need to psych themselves into taking action by creating rewards or convincing themselves of the potential positives. The ability to regard an action as being important without overly relying on creativity to inflate its significance can be helpful in overcoming inertia.
7. Historical Defense Mechanisms: The anti-libidinal ego often develops as a defense mechanism during vulnerable periods, protecting individuals from threatening or overwhelming external stimuli. This defense can persist into adulthood, making it difficult to engage with the outside world. Recognizing this defense mechanism when it is activated, rather than allowing it to unconsciously dominate, can make a significant difference in a schizoid's ability to take action.
In Summary... Understanding the underlying reasons why schizoids find it hard to take action can provide valuable insights into their behavior. By recognizing the role of the anti-libidinal ego, lack of motivation, overthinking, anhedonia, concern of negative outcomes, difficulty in prioritizing importance, and historical defense mechanisms, we can develop strategies to help schizoids engage more actively with the world around them, leading to potential improvements in their quality of life.
Video From My YouTube Channel:Why Schizoids Find it Hard to Take Action
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jyeshindra · 1 year ago
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ALL ABOUT GEMINI RISING
Ah, we've made it to the witty chatterboxes of the zodiac, our lovely Gemini Risings! Let's go over the traits and energies of this dynamic, Mercury-ruled placement.
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As a reminder, our ascendant is a very personal point in the chart. It is what we see when we gaze out into the horizon. What shall we claim? How do we see the world? And how does the rest of the world see us? In ways, I do believe our ascendant is more revealing than the sun sign. It tells the story of our soul's...why we are here and what we are meant to learn.
We begin with the chart ruler, Mercury. How does Mercury behave in the mutable, airy sign of Gemini? Especially when geared towards one's direction in life?
Mercury is a special planet, having no gender and being one of the fastest moving planets in astrology. In mythology Mercury is associated with tricksters, messengers, writers, and magicians. Mercury is here and there, playing both sides and aligning with motivations not entirely rooted in blacks and whites. Mercury is one to see the grays and to ask "why?". To seek out information and to feed their mind.
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You are much like Mercury, Gemini Rising. What you wish to pursue is knowledge itself! You have curious souls that seek to know and explore everything. Information is valuable to you and you know how to get it and what questions to ask. Your mind is hungry and always searching for stimulation.
You are also a connector. Gemini, like the other air signs (and Virgo), are represented by humans, not animals. This speaks to your purpose Gemini which is to connect. You have an ability to understand the intricacies of a situation, of a people, of a culture, and make the necessary connections. If Aries pioneered the land and Taurus settled it, Gemini finds the trade routes and explores other parts of the land and the surrounding peoples.
These risings are often seen as scattered, talkative, and witty. They are blessed with the gift of gab and often charm those that they talk to with their youthful disposition and excitable mannerisms. Mercury makes these sensitive to stimuli and you can often spot a Gemini Rising by their plethora of expressions! You may seem all over the place to some, Gemini, but your mind is constantly assembling and processing and searching. It makes sense!
Appearance-wise, Mercury gives one a child-like or elfin appearance. I've seen these ascendants have bright eyes, a dazzling smile, and maybe even a high-pitched voice. They may also be wiry, with large foreheads and beautiful hands. Perhaps your face is adorned with glasses to give you your mercurial edge?
I believe it is you, Gemini who becomes the mirror for others. You are impressionable, taking on the characteristics of everyone you meet; their speech, their mannerisms, their thoughts even. You take what you need and leave the rest. You are changeable and always open to a conversation or to a new idea. It's this quality that makes you the perfect vessel for your soul's true desire; to reach large audiences and spread your information with the world!
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I think with the Virgo 4th house, Gemini often had to teach themselves a lot. Information played a huge role in the household, either in proving oneself as knowledgeable or avoiding criticism from others. Perhaps the Gemini had siblings to care for, or parents who weren't really around. Or maybe there were overbearing guardians who left a sense of helplessness in the Gemini, so they compensate with information.
There may have been no room in your home environment for emotions, Gemini, and so you over-think everything. Your attention to detail is innate, and you can study any topic thoroughly and deeply (Scorpio 6th House), but you are, in ways, avoidant of your own emotional experience. In fact, all your water houses are in Earth, Gemini! This is also likely a sign that your ability to persist and stay strong, to persevere and commit, is a bit unconscious to you. There is some wound of authority here with that Capricorn 8th house, and perhaps your power lies in discipline. In applying yourself time and time again to master whatever it is that you wish to give to the world. 
There are beautiful things to be shared from your mind Gemini with this Pisces 10th House. You want to be seen in your multi-faceted-ness with all of your creative and awesome gifts. You want to be acknowledged and appreciated, not used or taken advantage of. Others may see you in a Piscean way when you take the stage, Gemini. You may have many different things going on at once, or you become someone who can reach a lot of different people. You may change careers a lot! Some famous Gemini Risings include Gordon Ramsey (restaurants feat. world cuisine is very Piscean), Drew Barrymore (isn't she the sweetest?), and Mindy Kaling (so many different projects!)
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Lastly, the Taurus 12th house speaks to an inner beauty and artistry within you Gemini. Truly you come from the Earth, with a purity in you that seeks to understand everything in this earthly plane. No stone shall be left unturned! You have left behind a more solid approach to something more airy and exciting. There is so much for you to learn Gemini! But do not forget to rest! Do not forget you come from the Earth and you shall return to the Earth. Take care of your body, eat good food, cover yourself in oils and balms, and appreciate the body you have been given. Your mind is beautiful, but so is the rest of you, Gemini! Adorn it.
Your 7th House is ruled by Sagittarius, indicating you need partnerships that allow you to step outside of your comfort zone and explore your physical reality. You may stay glued to your screens or to your books or to your own mind when you truly do yearn to see and experience and live. Sagittarius will teach you this Gemini, that there is much to be learned and wisdom to be gained from LIVING. You want someone who can teach you about the world and brings you depth and perspective.
You will learn so much through your experiences Gemini and you must acknowledge the darkness within your own heart. That Capricorn 8th house may urge you to close it forever. Fear and paranoia may surround you in matters of merging, despite your desire to connect everything. Dive fearlessly into your own abyss, for this is the power of Capricorn! The strength to persevere and overcome!
That's all for the Gemini Risings for this week. Next week we'll dig into the Cancer Ascendant and discover more about these lovely Moon-ruled folk.
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darkskywishes · 11 months ago
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Levi and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
TW: mentions of rape and childhood sexual abuse
Throughout the course of Attack on Titan, and even before the canon timeline, Levi experiences innumerable traumas, not the least of which are repeatedly experiencing the deaths of his closest friends and comrades. By the end of the series, Levi has lost every single person he had been close to, being the last of the Survey Corps' veterans. Given the truly immense amount of traumatic events Levi suffers, it'd be difficult to believe that he wouldn't have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and indeed, he does display several key features of the disorder.
Paraphrased, the DSM-5-TR PTSD criteria are as follows (American Psychiatric Association, 2022, p. 301):
Criterion A: stressor (one required)
The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s):
Direct exposure
Witnessing the trauma
Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma
Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics)
Criterion B: intrusion symptoms (one required)
The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s):
Unwanted upsetting memories
Nightmares
Flashbacks
Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders
Physical reactivity after exposure to traumatic reminders
Criterion C: avoidance (one required)
Avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):
Trauma-related thoughts or feelings
Trauma-related external reminders
Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood (two required)
Negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):
Inability to recall key features of the trauma
Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world
Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma
Negative affect
Decreased interest in activities
Feeling isolated
Difficulty experiencing positive affect
Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity (two required)
Trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):
Irritability or aggression
Risky or self-destructive behavior
Hypervigilance
Heightened startle reaction
Difficulty concentrating
Difficulty sleeping
Criterion F: duration (required)
Symptoms last for more than 1 month.
Criterion G: functional significance (required)
Symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).
Criterion H: exclusion (required)
Symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.
--
I've indicated the symptoms that apply to Levi, or that I believe likely apply, based on canon content in purple. Let's go one by one.
Criterion A: stressor
During the canon timeline, Levi was exposed to both large amounts of death and threatened death, primarily due to titan casualties, but also due to the circumstances of poverty and deprivation in the Underground. Notable examples include witnessing his mother die and decay while he starved as a young child; Furlan and Isabel's deaths; the deaths of Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld during the Female Titan arc; the loss of Kenny; Erwin and the new recruits' suicide charge against the Beast Titan; and Hange's sacrifice.
Levi experienced multiple instances of serious injury, with the most significant being his injuries resulting from the thunderspear explosion and the Battle of Heaven and Earth. Given the nature of blast injuries, it is likely Levi suffered from internal damage—in particular, rupture of the respiratory and hollow organs, such as the lungs and bowels. We're also shown he suffered complete separation of the index and middle fingers of his right hand, as well as ocular damage to his right eye. A concussion and perhaps a traumatic brain injury following the blast is also likely, as well as hearing damage. Following the Battle of Heaven and Earth, he also experienced significant injuries to one of his legs, necessitating the use of a wheelchair three years post-Rumbling.
In regard to actual or threatened sexual violence, Levi was born and lived in a brothel, in which his mom was a prostitute. It's not an exaggeration to say Levi was likely the result of rape. Given the circumstances of his upbringing, it's also likely he witnessed the sexual encounters between his mother and the brothel's patrons and was perhaps sexually abused himself when his mother was unable or unavailable to protect him. Given the Bad Boy panel previews, we also know he was directly threatened with sex trafficking on at least one occasion.
Only one stressor is required to meet this criterion, and Levi meets all of them. He very much fits the profile of someone with complex trauma or C-PTSD, although that diagnosis has not yet been added to the DSM.
Criterion B: intrusion symptoms
Canon evidence of intrusion symptoms is a bit harder to find, given the heavy plot focus of Attack on Titan; however, I do believe there is enough to make some inferences.
During the Uprising arc, Levi takes note of a starving woman with her baby on multiple occasions, who appears to remind him of his mother. This indicates to me that he thinks of his mother and the circumstances in which he grew up with her with some regularity.
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When he later confronts Kenny in the same arc, he specifically questions Kenny regarding the relationship he had with his mother, again indicating that Levi's mother took up significant space in his thoughts.
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While we know Kuchel chose to keep Levi (rather than abort him), thus indicating Levi was a desired baby, it's evident that Levi's upbringing overall was damaging and distressing due to the severe poverty, food insecurity, and violence he endured as a young child. Accordingly, it's safe to assume that these memories related to his mother were likely to be both unwanted and upsetting.
We also have this panel during the War for Paradis arc, during which Levi ruminates on the deaths of his comrades and the purpose behind having saved Eren's life so many times. His facial expressions are truly crushing and filled with deep despair.
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In terms of nightmares, we know that Levi experiences some truly disturbing dreams from the "Smartpass Good Night, Dear and Sweet Dreams Vol. 02" short story, in which he envisions his closest comrades all morphing into a sea of blood on a red carpet. Clearly, the affect of his dream has been influenced by the specter of death constantly looming over him.
Criterion C: avoidance
The full phrasing of this symptom (trauma-related external reminders) is, "Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)." Similar to the unwanted upsetting memories symptom under Criterion B, there is not direct canon evidence, but I do believe there is enough to make some inferences.
Primarily, what sticks out to me about Levi is the fact that no one near him seems to have knowledge of his past, which indicates he does not talk about it. When his past is brought up, it's always people who have some direct knowledge about it speaking on it (e.g., Kenny or Erwin). This is shown both directly in canon, such as when Petra speaks to Eren regarding the rumors of Levi's recruitment into the Survey Corps, and in supplemental Smartpass content, like the Close Up interview with Erwin and Levi.
This comes across to me as an effort to avoid conversations, and thus, reminders and memories about the topic.
Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood
There's quite a lot of evidence for these in canon.
In terms of overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world, Levi has plenty. He appears to have the persistent belief that he only exists to be of service and use to others; he views himself as a tool, one which has no value if he is not directly contributing to something. This is exemplified by the following panels:
When Erwin asks Levi if he would be willing to be in charge of keeping the titan serum and determining whom to use it on, Levi answers with, "Why would you bother asking me?" This shows that Levi has no regard for his own personal feelings.
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When Erwin and Levi are discussing the plan to take down the Beast Titan during the Reclamation of Wall Maria, Levi expresses his agreement with the plan by remarking that taking down the Beast Titan will act as him "[making] amends for failing to kill that armored brat earlier." This shows that Levi viewed it as his responsibility, and thus, his failure to take down Reiner. He placed an undue burden on himself here, casting blame for outcomes that should not be solely attributed to him.
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And then there's this panel in the lead-up to the final battle, in which a severely wounded Levi is being reprimanded by Armin for being reckless and not resting, in light of his injuries. Levi responds, "... You want me asleep in bed? You're going to forget I even exist if I rest any longer." Levi suffered truly disabling injuries, and yet, he shows complete disregard for himself—concerned that no one will remember him if he is not actively fighting. This shows a projection of his own lack of self-worth onto how he believes others view him: if he is not useful, then he does not matter. Levi also shows disdain at the concept of resting and having been asleep, as if that's somehow a sign of laziness on his part, which is of course, untrue. No one would have faulted him for resting—he truly needed and deserved to rest.
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We also know that Levi blamed himself for Kenny leaving him, which can be surmised from interviews with Isayama and the expression on Levi's face when Kenny abandoned him. Levi also asks Kenny why Kenny left him, which shows a certain preoccupation on Levi's part, wherein he worried there must have been something inherently wrong with him to make Kenny leave.
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On the topic of Kenny and Levi, Isayama is quoted as saying:
"Levi still had the experience of being separated from Kenny during his childhood. He was constantly troubled by the thought of "Kenny left because I couldn't fulfill his expectations." When the Uprising occurred within the walls, and he confronted Kenny again as an enemy, Levi sought to meet what couldn't be satisfied previously." (x)
Regarding both negative affect and difficulty experiencing positive affect, Levi's expression and mood is frequently shown as depressed. There's a great post by @cosmicjoke on the topic. In terms of the latter, Levi laughs and smiles so infrequently that it's a significant moment at the conclusion of the Uprising arc when he smiles after Historia playfully punches him.
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For decreased interest in activities, the full phrasing is, "Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities." Levi's character is contrasted with all the other characters in the series in the sense that he has no dreams of his own. Both Armin and Hange have that greater curiosity about the unknowns of the world, represented by the sea and titans; Erwin is similar in that he desired to validate his dad's theories about the outside world and the existence of other humans; Eren craved freedom above all else; etc. Levi, on the other hand, is never shown as having those same dreams and ambitions. Hence, I would say he demonstrates a markedly diminished participation in significant activities, as even though his complete lack of self-interest is immensely admirable, it is also deeply tragic—particularly as dreams and ambitions are often crucial for one's psychological well-being.
And then we also have feeling isolated, for which the full phrasing is, "Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others." On the topic of Levi and relationships, Isayama is quoted as saying, "It’s likely because he is afraid of forming close relationships. Because he exists in a world where one can be eaten by a Titan at any time, he consistently avoids building 'family'-like connections with others." (x)
This manga panel is a good example of how Levi views himself as detached from others. Pay attention to the phrasing: "And I doubt normal people think about these things on a daily basis... So that means I'm abnormal... Probably because I've seen far too many abnormal things."
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Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity
With all of the above laid out, Criterion E becomes very easy to meet.
For irritability or aggression, this is one of Levi's known character flaws, borne as a result of his upbringing.
For risky or self-destructive behavior, we have clear instances of Levi engaging in battle to the detriment of his physical well-being.
For hypervigilance, the last manga panel I attached provides a good example of that.
For difficulty sleeping, Levi is famously an insomniac, often quoted as getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night.
Criterions F, G, and H: duration, functional significance, and exclusion
Have the duration of Levi's symptoms been greater than one month? Yes.
Do the symptoms result in distress or functional impairment? Yes.
Are the symptoms more attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition? No.
Thus, Criterions F, G, and H are met.
Citations
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Trauma- and stressor-related disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.).
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akai-shuchichi · 1 month ago
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Together - a Jayvik oneshot
A short oneshot packed with references to the ending of Arcane and the series as a whole, something I wanted to write as a comfort piece after how deeply it left me in shambles. Naturally, it contains strong implications that Viktor is asexual—because, despite what Christian Linke might think, we asexuals fall in love too (eat my ass Linke). I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
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With one of the worst headaches he could ever remember having, Viktor opened his eyes to find himself staring directly at a perfectly clear sky. His memories, still blurry, struggled to remind him of what had happened before he lost consciousness, but the pain caused by his choices was so great that he unconsciously rejected those persistent attempts to recall.
Once his vision returned, along with his sense of touch, he realized he was lying on a field rich with flowers and plants. As his hearing sharpened, he recognized the songs of various birds breaking the silence that had preceded his fall. Finally, as his sense of smell returned, he took a deep breath, savoring the pure air offered by the natural surroundings.
One scent stood out from the rest, and its impact made him realize that his left hand wasn’t touching the same surface as his right. With some trepidation and his body still numb, Viktor turned his gaze toward the person lying beside him.
Seeing Jayce’s figure, serene and calm, with his hand firmly grasping Viktor’s own, made Viktor’s heart skip a beat. Anxiously, he bolted upright from the ground as countless memories flooded his mind, now unstoppable, gripped by the terror of seeing his... *friend* in this state.
Though his head threatened to unbalance him, Viktor’s focus was clear: he needed to know Jayce was okay, and that was all that mattered right now, regardless of his physical or mental state. He turned his body completely, propped his elbow on the ground, and brought his free hand to caress Jayce’s cheek and neck, murmuring his name with a delicacy intended not to frighten him. When this didn’t work, he increased his tone, finally adding light taps on Jayce’s left cheek, hoping his body would respond to the stimuli.
All the while, he never let go of Jayce’s hand.
Jayce’s first response to the stimulation was to open his eyes and sit up abruptly, colliding his forehead with Viktor’s chin. Viktor recoiled in pain, his hand flying to the sore spot to rub it gently. Disoriented, much like Viktor had been moments ago, Jayce didn’t hesitate to throw himself into the Zaunite’s arms, hugging him as though Viktor were the most precious thing in his life.
And indeed, he was. He always had been.
“Viktor! Viktor, you’re alive... You have no idea how happy I am to see my partner back!”
Not long ago, Viktor had finally started to feel comfortable with physical contact—though only when Jayce initiated it—and Jayce now seemed to be taking full advantage of that. Given the circumstances, Viktor could only return the embrace with as much eagerness as Jayce had begun it, letting a single tear fall. That tear opened the floodgates, unleashing hundreds more, signaling the end of the tension that had gripped him at the fear of losing his partner.
Jayce, unsure how to interpret the reaction, broke the embrace and raised his hand to wipe away Viktor’s warring tears. The affectionate, non-judgmental look Jayce gave him caused Viktor to lower his head and hunch his shoulders, now paralyzed by fear, shrinking under his companion’s mercy. Hoping to stop Viktor from dwelling on the past, Jayce lifted his chin, forcing him to maintain eye contact, and let out a soft sigh before speaking.
“Viktor, listen to me. What’s done is done. There’s no point in blaming yourself for something we’ve already resolved together. I can feel it—you’re back to being the Viktor I remember. That Viktor who was so dedicated to his work, spending hours upon hours without sleeping or eating, and whom I had to bring a makeshift sandwich to at midnight.”
Jayce followed the statement with a laugh and a gentle squeeze of their still-clasped hands. Softened by the recent confession, Viktor responded with a playful punch to Jayce’s chest. It was that gesture that made him realize his body had returned to its natural state, devoid of any trace of Hextech. Raising his hand to the sky to shield it from the sun, he murmured.
“I can’t explain what’s happened, but it seems we’re in a world where Hextech hasn’t been created yet. The explosion must have acted as a Hexportal, transporting us somewhere far from home… I’m sorry for pulling you away from Mel, Jayce.”
“As far as I remember, I’m old enough to make my own decisions! And I made one when I chose to stay with you, Viktor.”
Those words sent a pleasant warmth through Viktor’s body but also reminded him that he wasn’t ready to talk about his feelings. He’d always thought his emotions for Jayce were obvious to everyone, including him, but he didn’t feel deserving of reciprocation for reasons too numerous to count.
Naturally, Jayce took the lead, being the first to stand and finally breaking the union of their hands. He observed how they were only covered by a pair of dirty tunics and noted nothing around them except trees and nature.
“Ah… It looks like we’ll have to walk a bit to figure out what to expect from this place. Give me a moment; I’ll be right back.”
Instinctively, Jayce moved to help Viktor up but realized it wouldn’t be effective as Viktor lacked an essential tool. In his absence, Viktor sat and hugged his knees, lowering his gaze to trace the ground with his index finger. He didn’t have to wait long, as Jayce soon returned with a functional crutch made from sturdy tree branches.
“Phew! Took some effort to smooth the edges with a rock so you wouldn’t get hurt. Here, let me help you.”
With surprising ease, Jayce helped Viktor stand and then gave him space, observing how Viktor managed to move on his own. Together, albeit in silence, they walked for several minutes until they came across a village that seemed peaceful and vibrant with social activity.
Jayce’s kindness earned them fresh fruit and some food. His greatest success, however, was convincing a merchant to trade clothes for a future favor. Now clothed and fed, they set out to explore the area and, with luck, find a place to spend the night.
Unsuccessful in their search, they ended up in an abandoned factory, wrapped in the tunics they had awakened in for extra warmth. Tired, Jayce sat beside Viktor, glancing at him shyly.
“You’ve been awfully quiet today. Is there something I can do to help?”
“No, Jayce… You already do so much for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“It’s never too much if it’s for you.”
Jayce blurted the words before Viktor could finish, preventing the Zaunite from feeling guilty for accepting help. Seizing the moment of progress in their bond, Jayce leaned back, resting his head and part of his torso on Viktor’s legs. Through shattered remnants of what seemed like a mirror, scattered across the floor, Viktor saw the scene they found themselves in, illuminated by moonlight streaming through the upper windows of the building.
With trembling hands and uncertainty about his actions, Viktor placed his hand on Jayce’s hair, gently ruffling it. Jayce responded to the touch by sitting up and meeting Viktor’s gaze, the moonlight softly highlighting his face.
With some hesitation, Jayce drew closer, raising his hand to caress Viktor’s cheek before closing the distance between them with a warm kiss. At first, Viktor hesitated, unfamiliar with the sensation, but he soon reciprocated, mimicking Jayce’s movements.
Once they both felt at ease, Jayce deepened the kiss, tilting his head and using his tongue, while Viktor’s hand unconsciously climbed Jayce’s arm to grip it. Pleased with the progression, Jayce broke the kiss, trailing smaller kisses along Viktor’s chin, jaw, and neck, leaving Viktor blushing and bewildered.
Jayce laughed at Viktor’s reaction before throwing himself into his arms, lying atop him. They pulled the warm tunics over themselves, their combined warmth a perfect comfort.
“We’ll make it through this together, I promise. And I never break my promises.”
As they had awakened—together, hands intertwined—the two lovers fell asleep, indifferent to their surroundings. The presence of the other was all they needed.
THE END
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