#but the rational part of my brain says thats a very bad idea and will make the pain worse

[allastoredeer]

Me: *draws for two weeks straight*

Me: Why does my hand hurt so much???

(but I wanna keep drawing anyway🥲)

[petrifiedperi-au]

Holy ok ok ok so I just read your dev having trouble with being around Cosmo and Wanda but I bring you a different approach. What if he is mad at them! Trying to shift some of this huge amount of guilt because at least he went to Peri! His own parents left him alone to die. (I can’t remember if you said if they actually knew where he was or not)

Oh lordy oh ok gewze imagine Dev having this moment of realising he has something in common with Peri because he sees his parents as neglecting him. How sad would that make Dev? To realise how much guff he gave Peri cause he thought Peri couldnt relate at all. So he pushed him away but then thinking how wrong he was and how Peri did understand. (Even though we know cosmo and wanda are nothing like Dale and really did love Peri just saw a different priority) but the potent agnst of Dev having a miss understanding of it. Everytime Peri tries to deny it Dev relates. Everytime Cosmo and Wanda gush over Peri makes Dev fume because he sees it as all a show. He thinks he knows how it is behind closed doors. Even if hes actually wrong. It could really help them bond. Until Dev finally sees hes wrong and it’s gonna make a huge rift between them as he blames Peri for pretending to have a bad relationship with his parents. Probably saying it was to “mock” Dev or something.

On another note. Do you think Peri would actually be upset that his parents decided to save fairyworld instead? Maybe rationally he tells himself it was the better choice. That it was what ended up bringing him back. It was what saved all the other fairies who take priority. Hes just one guy. But thats still gonna hurt. Knowing your own parents can and have picked the masses over you. Knowing you arent worth the world to them. Of course he wouldnt actually expect them to choose him but maybe deep down he wanted them to? Idk im loosing it cause I just got off ruff 12hr shift at work lol.

Hope this isnt too off the money for your au I just really enjoy angst

~hollys fairy hell

[AU info here!]

OOOOHHH... THIS IS INTERESTING. WHILE C&W DIDN'T KNOW THAT PERI DIED, DEV BEING ANGRY BECAUSE OF THAT IS... OUGH. I think it DOES check out, actually. Feeling angry that they didn't even KNOW their son died, the blame being shifted to help ease the guilt... IT MAKES SENSE, AND IT'S IN CHARACTER.

He's seen their relationship before, and he knows that they're all such a genuinely happy family, and that makes him feel not ONLY GUILTIER, but MORE FRUSTRATED, MORE ANGRY. Their own son DIED, in front of HIM, and they DON'T EVEN KNOW.

HEAR ME OUT... DEV NOT KNOWING THAT C&W DON'T KNOW UNTIL PERI MENTIONS IT. Him assuming that they ALREADY told their parents, and that's why he was absent for a few days. THE GUILT SHIFTING INTO A MISDIRECTED ANGER ONCE PERI MENTIONS THAT THEY DON'T KNOW AND THAT THEY WANT TO KEEP IT FROM THEM... of COURSE, the guilt is still there, but it blends in with the other feelings and it's a Very Complicated Feeling Soup.

THE MISUNDERSTANDING IDEA IS NEAT... AND IN-CHARACTER. I don't know for SURE how I'd implement it [because my brain is very picky about the things I add, and I am too...], make it go, and ALL those good, delicious, juicy things, BUT BUT it will go on the backburner of thoughts. Specifics would probably just come to me randomly at 2 am like they have been lately gHDLSHSLHD 😭

WITH THE LAST PART... PERI DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED SPECIFICALLY. He was DEAD, after all, and SURE, he'd probably find out via things being talked about, BUT, GENERALLY, I DON'T THINK THEY ADDRESS OR THINK ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

Hazel's Wish fixed EVERYTHING that happened in the episode, and I talk about how the whole Millio Wishes Thing worked here, actually! I have a vague idea of how things go with Peri after they come back, but I don't have any set in stone ideas yet/there's no established timeline. I think... THEY don't even know at first, they're just confused at the fuzzy gaps in their memory and then, once they get a closer look at themself and the GHOST thing happens [when they're alone] and all that... THEN they put details together and realize they They Fucking Died.

WHICH... PERI DOESN'T UNPACK THAT. NOT MUCH, ANYWAY. The finale ends as usual, with the motorcycles and all that— that's BEFORE he realizes there might be something off. DO YOU GET ME... LIKE...

THE ENDING ESTABLISHES THAT THINGS ARE OK AND NORMAL BUT THEN AFTER THE EPISODE, THEY GO BACK TO THEIR HOUSE/ROOM/C&W'S HOUSE [ALONE] AND THEN THAT IS WHEN HE KIND OF REALIZES HE FEELS OFF AND WEIRD. AND... OUGH. YEAH.

SORRY I'M... GETTING OFF TRACK. I don't think he'd be upset, not in that way, at least, given the circumstances. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS MAKES SENSE OR IF IT'S JUST WORD SOUP I'M SO SORRY I JUST WOKE UP LIKE AN HOUR AGO. I am throwing words at the wall and hoping they make sense HDJDDGKDDUI 😭

[yulmoldauer]

some things are better left unsaid (Tyson Jost/Male OC): Chapter 2

part 1

Chapter 2

Summary: Mason has to deal with the events of the previous night.

Warnings: uh as you can guess if you read the first part, there’s gonna be homophobia/transphobia talked about. Otherwise, there shouldn’t be anything that needs a warning? If I’m wrong just let me know :)

Words: 2,319

Notes: I don’t think I have much! This is like a lot of flashbacks and I’m sorry but that's character building baybee!!! I promise after this it’ll be more present-based stuff. I just love the character and wish I could spew out my brain and make it understandable lol

Fuck.

That was the only thought Mason had upon waking up. The implications of the previous night hit him like a ton of bricks. His hangover was just an added bonus.

The party had been fun, obviously, but Tyson was still here. Tyson had seen his top surgery scars.

“When did you have surgery?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. A medical degree and some knowledge on what other surgery would leave these scars would be helpful. Mason really did not want to lie, but he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to do.

Being drunk wasn’t helping, either. In his mind, the world was ending and his career was over after the last fuck up that got him traded…

Rationally, he just burst into tears. Not a dramatic scene or anything, he just felt his eyes watering very quickly and suddenly the tears were rolling down his face.

“Oh, shit. Okay,” Tyson set the water down and hurried to his friend. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was- here, will you feel better if you get a shirt on?”

Mason only nodded, allowing Tyson to help him get the shirt on and pull him for a hug.

This just made Tyson think that the scars were from some shitty, traumatic event or something with extremely bad memories. Note to self: don’t fucking ask about them again was written in large letters in his brain.

He did factor in the extremely likely possibility that Mason was drunk and--as anyone with a brain knows--Mason was a hundred times more dramatic when drunk. Still, though, if he was crying, it couldn’t be a good thing.

At least Tyson had been nice enough to leave him some meds and water after forcing him to go to bed.

“You hungry?” Tyson asked softly from the doorway. “I heard you rumbling around in here, I wasn’t watching you sleep,” he clarified quickly.

“Didn’t think you were,” Mason chuckled. “No, I’m not hungry. Thank you, though. You can help yourself to whatever. You know that.”

“Yeah, I made some toast earlier. Fun birthday last night?” Tyson smiled and sat on the edge of the bed as Mason laid back against the headboard and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“You could say that. Thanks, though. Seriously, I had a ton of fun.”

“Yeah, of course. I didn’t stop you from posting anything on social media, though. I dunno why you like taking videos so much.”

“Then I can save them and rewatch them later,” Mason scoffed like Tyson was an idiot. After a few more seconds Tyson moved to get up mere milliseconds before Mason started talking.

“About last night…”

He hesitated, waiting for some kind of confirmation that Tyson was willing to talk about this. There was no sense putting it off, right?

Tyson just raised his eyebrows. “The scars?”

That earned a nod and Tyson sat back down.

“They’re… shit. Okay, sorry. I never meant to lie or anything--fuck that, I never lied. I just... “

“Dude, if it’s something you don’t want to talk about, that’s fine.”

Mason groaned quietly and shook his head. “No, it’s just… I don’t know how to explain it.”

“If you wanna talk, just say it. I’m not gonna freak out or anything. If you don’t wanna, that’s okay too,” Tyson reassured gently.

Truthfully, the curiosity was killing him. It was rare that an injury happened and they didn’t share it with each other. Mason took a few more breaths before nodding. Psyching himself up.

“They’re from my top surgery.”

Silence.

More silence.

Mason officially wanted to die. He was going to have to request another team change, go through the legal battle of making sure he didn’t get outed--

“Like…?” Tyson asked quietly with raised eyebrows.

“Like I had tits and got them removed the summer before I went to college.”

That may have been a relatively vulgar way to put it, but it was true. It was the simplest and least-awkward way he could think to put it.

“Oh,” Tyson nodded a few times. “Thats--I never knew--I mean, I couldn’t, like, tell or anything…”

“Yeah, that was the point,” he sighed and took a sip of the water on the nightstand. “Noone was supposed to know or be able to tell or whatever.”

“So literally no one knows?”

“Not literally, no. My family knows, obviously.”

“But the league?”

At the defeated sigh that escaped his friend, Tyson quickly backtracked. “You don’t have to get into it, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be prying--”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just… a long story that I don’t know if you actually want to hear or if you’re just being nice.”

“Of course I wanna hear, stupid. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

Mason narrowed his eyes at the name, but it was quickly followed with a small smile.

It did take a bit to explain everything, though. How he was drafted into his previous team, everything was fine, and then someone had taken an ungodly amount of time to hit the showers at the same time Mason had been in there.

“Oh, fuck! You scared me,” Mason huffed when he heard the water turn on just across from him.

“What’cha being jumpy for?” the taller guy laughed.

“I’m not jumpy,” Mason grumbled, turning the water off quickly. He wasn’t even sure all the soap was out of his hair, but that didn’t matter. He just needed to get the hell out of there.

“Are you okay, man? You’re being weird-” the other man asked genuinely and glanced over his shoulder. This had been at the same exact time Mason had been trying to just leave as quickly as possible.

There was a few moments of silence that felt like years as the younger grabbed for a towel to cover himself up.

“Are you--?”

“Please, just forget--” Mason tried, but the guy was already turning his water off and grabbing his own towel.

“No, I’m not fucking--are you kidding me, Wright?” he nearly shouted as he stormed out of the room with Mason in tow. “Are you actually kidding me? How the hell have you gotten away with this--”

“I haven’t ‘gotten away with’ anything, you dickhead. It’s none of your business in the first place.”

“It doesn’t matter, you don’t belong here. You know they’ve got the women’s league now, right? It’s not like-”

Mason just shook his head, staring at the floor of the changing room while they were both yanking clothes on as quickly as possible. He didn’t want to hear what was coming next, all the awful shit he’d say.

It wasn’t even what he was saying that was the issue. Mason had heard just about everything at this point and had always had a pretty thick skin. It was the fact that someone he trusted--someone he’d considered family at this point--was saying it.

Didn’t he realize that it wouldn’t be like this if Mason could help it?

“Hey, what the hell is going on?” the head coach cried over them, walking into the room. He hadn’t been concerned about the loudness until it was unbearably obvious that the shouting was getting increasingly angrier and angrier. He wasn’t about to bring up the fact that Mason looked genuinely scared, as if worried about his safety.

The other guy was pissed, going off about how he’d been lied to, he’d been sharing a locker room, dressing room, and showers with a lot of unkind names, and that he wouldn’t keep playing for the team while acting like this never happened.

They ended up in the coach’s office, Mason attempting to towel dry his hair while the other blew off steam. He just didn’t want anyone to see him upset.

Once they were separated, lawyers were brought in with papers and agreements, and the head coach asked Mason if he’d like to request a trade or anything. It wasn’t like he had the option to say no, but he wasn’t exactly upset to go somewhere where he wasn’t worried about going to the bathroom without getting yelled at or beat up by a guy way bigger than himself.

He remembered to thank management before he left for working overtime, it seemed like, to figure out who would take him on such short notice and mid-season.

He was a good defenseman, sure, it just wasn’t easy on such short notice. But what the star player wants, the star player gets.

Colorado was the quickest to take the young defenseman about a year ago, and the rest was history.

“Holy shit,” Tyson murmured after a few quiet moments.

“I thought I was done. I honestly didn’t think anyone was going to pick me up, I thought my career was over. Can you fucking imagine that? Retiring at, like, 22?”

“Yeah, no, that’s… fuck, dude. I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It’s fine, I don’t even really care. I’m happier here, anyway. Especially since it’s not like you’re saying I’m a creep or a fucking… whatever.”

“Does anyone else know? In the league, I mean.”

Mason nodded. “Took a different approach when I got here. Bednar, bare minimum management, and PR knows. PR because if someone ends up outing me, I thought it would be a good idea to have some sort of plan on what to do. And medical staff always has, obviously. I think they know more about me than I do.”

Tyson nodded along, looking at his friend again after a few moments.

“You want this to stay between us, then? Or…?”

The fact that Tyson was even asking made Mason want to cry again. After being fucked over god-knows how many times when it came to being trans, Tyson was the one confirming he’d keep the secret. He wouldn’t give anyone any kind of hint unless Mason wanted him to.

“Yeah.  Between us, please? I dunno, I might come out to the guys eventually, just so they know. I just… I don’t know what I’d do if they react badly--”

“They wouldn’t,” Tyson said quickly. “I promise you they wouldn’t. And even if someone did have an issue with it, they’d just fucking stay quiet. They’d be in the tiny minority.”

“I just don’t know if I can take being traded and going through everything again, Tys.”

At the wavering in Mason’s voice, Tyson reached out and squeezed his friend’s hand.

“You’re not going to get traded over stupid shit like that. Not here, at least.”

“You don’t know--”

“I mean, yeah, I don’t know a lot. But you already said that the most important people who need to know do, they’re okay with it, and it sounds like they’ve got your back. I’ve got your back, too. And if you end up telling the rest of the guys, they’ll have your back too. Even if you end up not telling them, I’m still here for you, man.”

Mason felt about eight tons of weight fall off his shoulders at that. How did he end up with such an amazing friend?

“I just can’t really come out publicly for… I dunno. A while. Ever, maybe? I don’t know.”

“That’s gotta suck. I mean, everyone’s got their shit they want to keep private but… I dunno what I’d do if I literally couldn’t talk about something.”

Especially with how amazing it would be if Mason was able to be that representation for kids like he was who want to play hockey, Tyson thought. The amount of LGBT kids and teenagers who get driven out of hockey is immense, that’s never been a secret. To see an LGBT guy do so well would be amazing, it just sucked it wasn’t possible for Mason to talk about.

And he did want to talk about it. It would suck to come out and deal with that, but if it helped other people he would do it without hesitation. That’s the kind of guy Mason had always been.

“You’re sure you’re not mad that I, like, kinda lied to you about this up until now?” Mason asked, breaking Tyson out of his train of thought.

“Lie?” Tyson furrowed his eyebrows. “Not telling someone something isn’t lying, first off. Second, its none of my fucking business unless you wanted me to know. Even then, this would be a stupid thing to get in the way of being friends with you. I know you call me an idiot all the time, but I like to think I’m not that stupid.”

“You’re definitely not,” Mason chuckled, flipping his blanket off of him and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He shot Tyson a genuine, appreciative smile before downing the painkillers with some water. “Let me get dressed and I can drive you home, if you want. I feel bad making you wait so long,” he murmured. It was well into the afternoon, and even though Tyson constantly reassured that it was fine, he didn’t care, Mason still felt guilty.

It was very clear Mason was hungover when he and Tyson left the building and got into his car, but that was fine. It had just confused Tyson when Mason unbuckled in front of his apartment building.

That is, until he was pulled into a tight hug.

“Thank you so much,” Mason whispered. “Seriously. I… I dunno how to actually tell you how much I appreciate you being so chill.”

Tyson hugged him for a few moments before shaking his head. “It’s really not much to just… I dunno what to call it. Not be an asshole?”

Mason laughed as he let go, allowing Tyson to open the door. “You can text me if you have any questions about… anything. I don’t tell a lot of people, but the people who do know I’m pretty open with.”

“Yeah, of course. See you later, man. Go get rehydrated, okay? You look like shit.”

“Fuck you!”

[mooswords]

OKAY MOO, I’M CURRENTLY READING UR FIC “Home” AND I’M— THE END OF THE FIRST PART WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. “he always comes home” -> IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CONTRAST TO THE BEGINNING!!! he gets lost in his OWN fields, and that’s saying something. however, despite that, the reader still being reassured (or as much as she can reassure herself) that he always comes home = he has the red string to BRING HIMSELF BACK TO THE READER = ALWAYS COMING HOME. I’M!!!! and i love the silly banter that opened the story. aLso HIS HESISTATION OVER TELLING THE READER THE JOB HE WAS ASSIGNED... BECAUSE HE WAS WORRIED ABT THE READER.... AKDKSKKSKS. the fact he didn’t accept the offer immediately DESPITE being so in love with the sea and waited for reader’s permission is such a SMALL thing, but when you describe his love for the sea as superior, that action shows he loves the reader even more and i just- SLKDKAKDKSK. i might be over-reading and i apologise if i do bUT DO COMMENT ON IT THANK U!! 🤩💜 - ava

u sent me these eons ago and i promise i wasnt ignoring you ive just been working like 10 hour days and i am Exhausted 😭😭 but all of these messages legitamately give me life, i am so incredibly grateful! <3 im so so glad you enjoyed this fic!! and you are NOT OVERREADING I LOVE TO SEE YOUR INSIGHTS!!!! it makes me fall back in love with the fic all over again! <3 

i am SO glad that him always coming home comes through! because it gets kinda dire in the middle of the fic so i wanted there to be that hope at the back of your mind that knew he always came home. but i wanted you to be stressed about it still so :) and silly banter is my favourite part of writing this guy, i had so much fun with it alskdf.

and ok i love u, you got everything i was trying to do there <33 like i was struggling to find the balance between her reluctance and supportiveness. thats a fun (and tricky) thing about established relationship fics i find... theres that depth of understanding that can make the interactions more interesting, but so much of it is unspoken. it was a good challenge! so its so GOOD to hear that it vibes right hehe

THE WAY KUROO PLAYS WITH THE STRING!!! THAT WAS SUCH A FOND MOMENT OMG AKDKSKDK. and it’s so interesting that it appeared before kuroo even left 👀👀👀

she already missed him 🥺🥺 i originally had him tug on her hair and then i went!!! wait!!!! we can do better than that!!!!!!!!

READER IS LOST WITHOUT KUROOO!!!! AKDKSKSK and i also love the little addition where despite it being a POUT, she holds it close to her heart. with the context of their banters + that little scene, it just shows me how much each appreciate every ounce of the other party which makes me SO SO SO SOFT AKDJSKDKSK. and then hitting me with the scene where reader is eating a meal alone??? a punch in the gut. when she realised she’s alone I TOO remembered that kuroo is gone and that softness established in the previous scene is sUCKED OUT—ASKDKSKSKSK. 

im just a little obsessed with the little things and gestures that make u fall in love with someone? like the specific way my friend twirls her pen while were in lectures, or how my dad has that one little smile when hes amused himself with his own joke... and for that to be a last lifeline for her to hold on to before he leaves :’))) I JUST LOVE EST RELATIONSHIP FICS OK?!

hehehe yes im sorry about that puch to the gut oops 😇 that was a scene i had super clear in my head before i started - the bright, bright string against the relative drab of the table and room.

i’m at the part where reader gets lost and let me tell u, the fact they have a WAY to communicate via string pulling alone is SO ENDEARING and just subtly hints they have been at this whole red string thing for AGES (or at least enough to form such an understanding). that’s ADORABLE and really strengthens the bonds they have together 

yessssssssssss as soon as i thought of this idea i knew it had to be an established relationship. i have it in my brain they have been married maybe 2-3 years?? i am such a sucker for unspoken understanding relationships :’)

“You push hurriedly through the crowd, ducking between market stalls and wagons. There’s no string to follow, but you don’t need it to find him today.” THIS SENTENCE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL in the context of the entire story. and what a perfect way to describe/show the reader that it’s THE DAY. MOO, you’re really serving such great kuroo x reader stories please continue AHHAHA

this entire fic was so self indulgent please dshlfkljadsb but im glad u like this line!! i tend to try visualise the scene like a movie first? and then write it, and this was also one of the first scenes that was super clear in my brain :D

402 DAYS!!!! I SEE WHAT U DID THERE 👀👀 also, is this is a little hint to how u had to wait until the end to see timeskip kuroo? HAHAHA that wld be adorable

WAIT YO THATS CLEVER? I DIDT EVEN- ava when i say that is a COMPLETE coincidence... i literally just picked a number that was longer than 365 days... breaking news i am a secret genius JKBDSCN

i also really liked the “in-between”: of reader’s life without kuroo. u can really see how integrated they are to each other’s lifestyle, and not only that, the scene where reader handles a twin’s birth (to me) strengthens how they’re reallllly soulmates. there is a low chance that kuroo knew reader was in a desperate situation, yet he pulled on the string at the time reader needed it. it’s just—telapathy but not really + soulmate system = SOULMATES. do i make sense? and i really love the details, like how we can trace back kuroo’s scar to a moment of reader’s life in the fic. putting it at the end sort of makes me reflect on their situations that happened simultaneously yet not really. it sort of fills me in with this,,, space. that the earth is so wide. i understand deeper what reader means by “oh he’s going to be gone for so long”. it’s just. wow. the earth is so big yk.

YES YOU MAKE TOTAL SENSE!!! it's such a lovey way of looking at it :') can they communicate and understand eachother like this cuz theyre soulmates? or just because they love each other and have learnt the other inside out?? hhnn this is why i love soulmate aus, theres so much to pull apart!!!

and ok yes on the topic of how big the earth is... im so glad u mentioned this, its my favourite part because (not to get like... super sappy or anything) i was writing this through the toughest stages of our second lockdown. our restrictions got to the point we werent allowed further than 5km from out homes, so writing about freedom and big spaces and exploration of far off places was such a nice escape for me :’) this fic has ended up very close to my heart. (plus i was reading @/w-yuren’s hq0819 series at the time so i had travel and adventure on the brain hehe) 

THE ENDING.... THE ENDING.... THE WAY KUROO ASKED READER TO KI** HIM—IT’S LIKE THE KUROO IN MY HEAD YESSSSS. Gosh, this line too “when he kisses you he tastes like the sea; like salt-spray and dry rations and freedom.” may i have a director’s cut abt it :3 AND AKDJSKSK. i really love how the string appeared even tho they were together (the scene before kuroo docked on the ship) and once again, they are together, but none of them are lost because they r together-together. do i make sense? am i overreading things??? again, i have to comment on the banter. it’s simply amazing. kuroo’s replies are so,, KUROO, and they are filled with such FONDNESS I’M SO AKDKSKSK.

IM SO GLAD HE VIBES THANK U I THINK THE FONDNESS IS MY BIAS SHOWING BUT SHHHHH ;P you have picked one of my favourite lines out heheh it was one that just flowed out and wasnt one i particularly had to think about which is always nice. but i think it is a combo of me trying to be fancy lol and me being a huge fan of fantasy-books-set-on-ships. think like explorers or pirates, some rag tag bunch who have to set off on some quest and come back with some of that wildness imbued in their very being... yeah this line was definitely born from me Yearning i think :P

ooo do you mean the wedding scene? that was me trying to hit the ‘feeling lost in a crowd’ idea. you know when youre surrounded by people and joy and laughter and you just feel very small and disconnected? that.

ALSO READER’S DYANAMICS WITH KARASUNO CHARACTERS IS ADORABLE AKDKSKSKK. the festival scene was such a breather and it was adorable to see her interact with those characters. it feels like a snapshot in her life i simply adore that :3

ahh yea! i wanted her to have a life, you know? shes not the type to mope around, like life goes on. that doesnt mean she doesnt miss him oof but theres a whole community around to support her too!! and im very fond of takeda in this scene :’) he takes care of his crows <3

I RAMBLED SO BAD BUT THANK U AGAIN LOVELY I CANT EXPLAIN HOW AMAZING THESE ARE TO RECIEVE <3  

[typinggently]

Can you IMAGINE how blank Bruce's feral thotty brain goes just watching Bane, like, BREATHE. The sheer muscle. The height. The Size. He wants it bad and only particularly knows how to get it by gifting custom extra-supportive underwear and he thinks thats both sexy and romantic of him to do. He then sends a hand-written, perfect script note apologising because he woke at 2 am in a Sweat when he realised Bane probably just goes commando. And THAT is a whole other can of worms

Anon…this has been in my ask box for ages because it just has me in SHAMBLES. I love it so so so much. I love Bane. I love this.

Please accept my humble apologies for not being coherent enough to answer and also these thoughts

Warning: voyeurism mentioned but not actually part of the plot discussed, both of them get swept up a little at different points but mean no harm & would def stop if something were amiss - everything is 100% consensual

-

Firstly – I’m pretty sure Bruce and me would have the same problem, namely: How can he approach Bane?? As Brucie?? As Batman?!?! He already sent his present (also – is it anonymously or did he put a little bat sticker on the envelope???), but what now?!

Bruce is filling notebooks with plans and possibilities, desperately trying to find a way to get into a position where he can check the lack of underwear in person and up close and hopefully with his mouth involved in some way.

(One of my thoughts was that maybe, Bane clashes a party Brucie’s at, who heroically (and unexpectedly) offers himself as a hostage. He gets swooped away to the hide out for whatever reason and works out this brilliant plan on how he’s going to escape after finding out more of Bane’s plans etc but also basically goes “my final wish…is to suck your cock” and gets to suck his cock in a room full of his men. But I ended up preferring this more intimate and less death-threat version (not that Bruce would die because Bane would have no choice but to keep him around and get his cock sucked three times a day because Bruce...is very good. And then they’d get to know each other and bond. The end.))

Bruce’s own thottiness gets the best of him in the end. Which is to say – fights with Bane are super difficult as it is, because Bruce has his smart bat brain telling him “duck, kick, jump, punch” etc, but meanwhile his thot brain is telling him “just let him grab you and push you down, he’ll grind on you and it’ll be GREAT”. Pushing the thot thoughts down for now usually works rather well because while Bane is huge and hot and muscular and h o t, he’s also actively trying to kill Bruce.

However! On some fateful day, they do end up in a more body contact heavy sort of fight in some abandoned factory or other. And now Bruce DOES have to wrap his legs around Bane’s torso and this scenario is so close to his thot brain thoughts that his rational brain just. Turns off. He just kinda stills, staring at Bane, feeling the sheer size of him between his thighs. It’s a lot.

Bane is a tad put off by this sudden change of tactics on Batman’s side and he’s about to try and bash his head in when Bruce goes “let me suck you off”.

And that’s that.

Bane? Probably has no idea what’s going on, but Bruce is already loosening his grip on him a little to unwrap himself from him, one hand on his fly and Bane - ???

The man’s a bit confused.

He’s also not wearing underwear.

Bruce, of course, still has manners, even if he’s practically drooling at the sight of Bane’s cock (about as long as Bruce had daydreamed but so thick), so he goes “may I?” and I mean. They’re already there. Bane has no clue what’s going on anyways, so… Might as well?

Bruce is in heaven. One hand on Bane’s thick thigh, the other wrapped around his cock, stroking languidly, watching in awe as that monster hardens fully, thickening to the point that he can hardly wrap his hand around it fully. And he tries to suck him down, he really does. But after three tries, cheeks flushed and lips pink from being stretched so cruelly, he finally has to admit defeat. “It’s too big, you’re going to break my jaw.”

Bane’s mostly surprised at how blissed out Batman sounds at that possibility, placing adoring kisses on his shaft and sucking on the tip. And by now, he’s fully hard, on his way to throbbing, but we all know he’s a gentleman at heart so he’s all “well, then I suppose we-“

“You can fuck me.”

???!

“I can take it, just give me a second.”

Honestly, Bane had no idea this fight would end that way. But he’s also not going to say no, is he? I mean, his cock is already far past the point of no return, happily throbbing at the idea of getting even more attention.

Now this is how their fight turns into combined efforts with the goal of getting Bruce out of his armour. That would be a lot easier, of course, if Bruce was focusing on all the hidden clasps instead of zoning in on Bane’s cock every two minutes, leaning in to once again try and unhinge his jaw. Bane is left to figure the armour out by himself while also making sure Bruce doesn’t hurt himself in his own cock-drunk stupidity.

Anyhow. Bruce ends up bend over some boxes, still wearing the hood and chest armour, but with his trousers pulled down and bunched around one foot because they didn’t bother taking off both boots. And fingering himself with Bane’s cock throbbing against his thigh would be difficult enough, but then Bane decides that three of Batman’s fingers won’t do the job and adds his own and Bruce just melts. Cock drunk stupor!! Mewling mess, letting Bane fingerfuck him and manhandle him however he wants, absolutely losing it when he finally feels the tip of that lovely cock pushing against his hole.

See, I’m sure Bruce in general is a bit of a size-queen, but that’s not all. I mean we know he goes wild for Clark & his alien self and Crock and the whole sharp teeth & claws & TAIL package. So while he definitely melts at being fucked open by that huge cock, what really does it is the fact that he can hear Bane’s rasped breathing distorted by his mask. That shit just sends him.

Bane, meanwhile, is mostly impressed that Bruce can take him. You know, placing his big palms on his cheeks, squeezing them a little, spreading them gently to watch the smooth glide of his cock and commenting in his dry tone, although a lot breathier than usual. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d be able to take it. Well done.” Or some other well-meaning nonsense.

Now that’s not fair, is it? Poor Bruce, going from the rasp of his breathing to actual awestruck praise. Instant game over, brain’s offline. He’s moaning, shivering, trying to wiggle and fuck himself back on Bane’s cock, his hole pulsing and squeezing him, absolute madness.

That, in turn, pushes Bane into action (there’s only so much a man can take and while Bane does have an impressive amount of self-control, he’s also not used to pleasure, is he? I think we can forgive him if he snaps a little) and Bruce won’t have to worry about trying to fuck himself back. Bane uses his strength and body mass to hold Bruce down and fucks him to pieces at a punishing pace and Bruce, almost crushed and completely immobilised, has little choice but to take it, hitched moans turning into blissed out, breathy mewls when Bane presses the mask against his throat and he can hear his grunts.

Now, the thing is – as mentioned, Bane’s not used to this kind of thing, and he certainly isn’t used to someone being so incredibly eager to take him. So he’s pleasure-drunk, just fucking Bruce to pieces. Not that he’s just mindlessly using Bruce, of course, he still wraps himself around him and hold his head gently to make sure Bruce doesn’t hurt himself by scraping his cheek on the boxes, but he also doesn’t stop until he himself comes. He can’t, really. And considering he’s got that stamina, Bruce signed up for a long, hard ride. Considering he’s wrapped up in big, muscular arms, with those mechanical grunts in his ear while a thick cock practically rearranges his guts at a punishing pace, Bruce comes after mere minutes, squirming and mewling, but Bane (bless his heart) doesn’t even notice. Instead, he thinks Bruce is uncomfortable in some way, so he hushes him gently and makes sure to change his angle to fuck him deeper.

I – poor Bruce. Overstimulated, completely messed up, drooling and whimpering, helplessly overwhelmed by pleasure.

He comes at least two more times like this, probably dry at some point, and by the time Bane finally fills him up, he’s a complete mess. Boneless. Can’t even speak anymore.

And Bane would be worried, but Bruce paws at him until he wraps him up in his arms again and considering the come splattered against the box and dripping from Bruce’s poor, untouched cock, Bane supposes it’s fair to assume Bruce’s alright. So he just holds him for a moment, waiting for him to get his wits back while he himself catches his breath.

Honestly? Once they get dressed, Bane probably says something you would after a good sparring session, all “good game” vibes.

Fin.

-

(except – a tiny little extra: the aftermath, of course, is that Bane can’t fight Batman anymore. Simply can’t. The moment he gets close to him, he’s already half-hard. At this point, Bruce’s thotty ways are just resulting in the large parts of the Gotham underground being addicted to him)

-

Anon….I hope you liked it…this is a true passion project to me, I love Bane so much and writing this was so much fun…Thank you 💗

[revol-lover]

i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok. 

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though. 

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend. 

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020  but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i  have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic. 

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is 

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me  in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

[mightymightytigers]

Headcanons or mini fic about how you think Jo and Kelsey met/got together? ❤️

oh Absolutely!!

i love the idea that they met in Biology. I mean Jo 100% would not want to stay partners with Phoenix so I think they would’ve gotten a new one asap and Kelsey was there

Jo is kind of bad in school, just overwhelmingly mediocre, and they kind of feel bad for bringing Kelsey’s bio grade down so they start working harder

Without Frankie’s friendship anymore Jo is just very lonely, and one time after school working on a bio project with Kelsey, they realize that they actually like working with her. she’s funny and smart and equally as impulsive as Jo is.

Kelsey didn’t really know Jo before becoming their bio partner, but she does have eyes and was def attracted to them. And after getting to know them a bit she’s the one who catches feelings first

sometime towards the end of the third quarter, there’s a massive project due and so they meet at Kelsey’s house to work on it and hopefully finish it. Jo’s kind of in a pissy mood, maybe they got in a fight with their mom or maybe something with Frankie idk, and Kelsey picks up on it and they end up taking a break from working and just jam out for a while

After the quarter ends, they’re supposed to change partners again, but Jo pulls some strings w/ the bio teacher like “kelsey has really helped me get my grade up and this is my most important semester for college applications and ...” and somehow the teacher lets it slide.

They start hanging out more, getting coffee and going to Target and doing edgy/dumb photoshoots because frankly that’s all there is to do in a suburban town. Jo notices that they are kinda into Kelsey but denies it because they can’t deal with it so soon after Frankie

i know soccer szn is fall at most schools but its my canon and i get to choose the rules, so once soccer gets going in the spring, Jo goes to Kelsey’s games to support her and ends up also hanging out w/ her friends. They are very surprised that they also like her friends because they always kinda thought everyone at the high school was the same boring bitch and thats on internalized misogyny.

so Jo starts hanging w/ the soccer team a bit, but still mostly just with Kelsey

it’s april and it’s raining and one night Kelsey and Jo are at Kelsey’s house and some old Kesha song is playing while they’re in the kitchen waiting for a chocolate cake to finish baking and Jo stops and just watches Kelsey for a minute and all their feelings suddenly appear again and it’s so overwhelming that they almost don’t notice beep of the timer going off

kelsey 100% notices this and later when they’re watching a movie she sits close

She makes some kind of joke and Jo looks at her smiling and before she loses her nerve she just kisses them

Jo only hesitates for a second before kissing back, mostly out of surprise

once the credits of the movie have rolled they just sit there cuddled up together for a while, and Jo needs some kind of confirmation that there are real feelings here

they decide to just feel it out and go on a real date and see how it goes. They go to olive garden. it’s the only decent and still affordable restaurant in town

it goes well, very well if you ignore the stolen breadsticks

frankly there isn’t a big change between them. It just feels natural to go from being friends to being partners

Later in the school year Jo comes out to Kelsey as nonbinary. Angie, their mom, had been really harping them about their clothes and name. They’re kind of scared that they’ll lose Kelsey when they come out, even though the rational part of their brain knows better

Anyway, Kelsey unknowingly misgenders Jo when talking to her parents or something and it’s just the last straw so they finally tell her. She’s very supportive

Kelsey had known that Jo wasn’t very comfortable being called a girl, but she had chalked it up to how a lot of lesbians have very weird relationships to gender

Basically, she’s just not surprised when Jo tells her, it’s just the missing puzzle piece that finished the puzzle. Kelsey tells them they love them after this and she sees the softness and adoration in Jo’s eyes when they say it back and they are so grateful they agreed to be Jo’s bio partner that day

They continue dating through the summer and then senior year, and Jo eventually starts talking to Frankie again, although it’s very stilted and it takes the better part of the year for them to actually talk like normal people again.

Kelsey doesn’t have the highest opinion of Frankie to say the least just because she hurt Jo so much, but she’s happy that Jo can get closure

I love them but I don’t think Jo and Kelsey would keep dating after high school. Kelsey is probably going off somewhere far away - she always kind of hated Connecticut - and Jo doesn’t really have a big plan for their life yet

I think they just plan to break off their relationship when Kelsey leaves for college but they def stay friends

It hurts when they move on from each other, but they cherish their memories and time together.

[system-of-a-feather]

Two questions regarding fictives: 1. is Riku your fictive? I thought that was a cool name you picked out for online purposes. 2. Can fictives change to become their own "person" over time or will they stay like that until other events happen?

“2/2 Aha, you can not answer my first question, I have trash reading comprehension.”

Nah. Actually it’s fine. I think a part of me was kinda waiting for someone to ask about it but I am awkward around the topic a bit to bring it up myself and it is a bit of an interesting topic?

To the first question, it is technically both. I was split off around the time our original host / current Little went through a really hard time and idolized / played pretend to be Riku as she had just gotten into the source material and found him really cool and all that. When I split off I didn’t really take much of a conscious awareness of my existence so to say as much as I realized I was there and just kind of did what my gut told me to do and went ahead with what I knew was my job externally. I don’t really remember much of my formative years as I was kinda really up in the air for the first three years after my split as I really did my job and often left and I have continuous dissociative amnesia myself so even without switching I don’t tend to remember much of my life / days.

But essentially I was strongly based off of the character Riku, having taken a majority of my ideals, personality traits, appearance, and so on from the source - or at least what our old host interpreted the character as at the time. 

At a certain part in my time as an alter though, our host faded away and it kinda forced me to be out a lot and I kinda became jaded with how bad our life was and reclused to “living only online” and when going to pick a username, I went with what felt the most natural and the most comfortable thing to be called other than our body name and Riku felt like a really natural and comfortable name to be called since “some part of my brain told me that was what was right”.

I wasn’t even that large of a Riku fan personally (as I was also a fan of the source, albeit not too huge until later) but a part of my brain - now in hindsight likely our little - insisted it was the best fitting name and so I took it up.

Truthfully before I knew fictional introjects were a thing it was always kinda a weird connection that I typically blew off a lot of the time, and then I had some really bad experiences with fictionkin community and actively went 100% into denial about connecting to any fictional character at all because I was terrified of the community. With that I ACTIVELY denied anything to do with my character source and despite being the character I felt the most connected to / relating to since ages, I refused to acknowledge any similarity for years cos it made me uncomfortable. 

((I actually used to say I really felt like the entire source was home / something I identified with before I knew about DID or fictives and before fictionkin were messed around))

It was only when I started to work over a lot of things that I kinda came around and had that discussion with my system and ACTUALLY took a look at myself in the inner world and pretty much its well established that I >was

It’s an interesting topic. I personally am a lot more comfortable being a fictive than I used to be and I’ve kinda found comfort in certain aspects of it now that I am not actively denying it. Some of the things from the source and embracing the minor psuedo-attachments and memories with some characters can really help me feel safe or at home when I am having bad moments and all.

Personally, the reason I am a bit awkward / havent talked too much about this on this blog is partially due to 1) Bad experiences with fictionkin community that still have me partially wanting to deny that I am a fictive due to association ((which I know is not meant to be related but trauma brain association be like that)) and because 2) I dislike people going into knowing me / listening to me thinking about me from my source before myself.

Which ties into your second question. It is VERY possible for fictives to develop their own sense of self (I imagine that is what you meant by ‘person’). Personally, I developed one by strongly rejecting a part of myself and actively trying to find an identity beyond it since the idea of identifying with my source scared me. Over the years of fearing the nature of which I was split off, I kinda really developed a lot of myself as a separate alter. 

As a result, a lot of the time, my fictive roots don’t actually brother me or come up to my mind as much as it would others. I am Riku - Host of the System of Feathers - most of the time. ‘I am me, and no one else’ for those that get that reference XD

But it isn’t like my fictive roots aren’t still there and I quickly realized that when I started telling myself I identifying with a fictional character isn’t innately cringey / toxic / harmful / crazy as I kind of came to understand the nature of fictives and all that. Once I got past that unhealthy generalization and defense mechanism, it kinda came in bit by bit and while it was insanely uncomfortable embracing that part of myself again, it really has made me a lot more comfortable with my existence accepting it rather than running away from it XD

But yeah, when someone approaches me too directly seeing me from my source it really messes with my head and sets off part of my brain that makes me feel like I am loosing my sense of self as a Riku the host of this system rather than Riku from this source. I find interacting with my source comfortable when its a personal thing, but when I share it with someone else, I tend to find it warps with my mind, sense of reality, sense of self, and ability to rationally think and function in this world.

Really though, I am kind of new to the topic of fictives since it was the one aspect of DID that I kind of spent a lot of time avoiding cause bad experiences TM, but that is just my personal experiences as a fictive.

My personal stance, which is likely different than others and if someone’s system believes differently that is 100% valid if it helps, is that fictives honestly should work towards existing and having an identity beyond their source as it helps assimilating into the world that we are in now. It helps cope with memories and attachments that won’t return and it helps functioning in my experience.

With that being said, if you are a fictive, I also feel its best not to reject your nature entirely because that in it’s own sense can be harmful. It’s best to try to embrace yourself for everything you are, roots, origin, reason of splitting, flaws, skills, strengths, weaknessess and all and try to find a way to love it. At least that is how I see it.

But like, this is just fictive rambles from someone still figuring shit out. XD

If anyone is interested in knowing more about my psuedo-memories / attachments, I will consider talking about it, but currently I prefer to leave my source / nature as a fictive being a smaller part of this blog since I dislike the idea of people following me because “Oh its Riku from source IRL”. 

To me, people coming to talk to me / get to know me for my source makes me feel a bit fetishized / objectified in a like… platonic way. I only tried talking to a fan of the source who knew of my fictive nature once and it really was a weird, euphoric but also uncomfortable af experience. 

It is partially this reason that I don’t mention the source name directly - partially since it is a really popular franchise XD If people know where the name is from and they know the source, thats aight to me - but if they don’t then that’s preferable. I just don’t want people to see me Riku from Source rather than Riku from the System of Feathers.

-Riku (Host)

[uniformbravo]

me trying to make a gif part 2 (thrilling finale, buildup ver.)

ok good news and bad news: good news being withheld for Spoilers (not that it’s that hard to guess anyway lol), bad news explained first bc, chronologically, it is first

so yesterday i mentioned in the tags of that post that i had seen that krita has an animation feature so i was gonna try importing the frames into that and then exporting it as a gif. easier said than done, as it turns out

i started by opening the file i made yesterday with 62 layers as the frames and importing that into krita, which worked fine (i didn’t know you could actually open .psd files in clip stuido ((this typo is so fucking stupid it made me laugh so im leaving it)) and krita, so that’s pretty neat, i wonder if it works the other way around too) but i ran into problems when i tried to convert those layers into frames in an animation. because, like, the layout of the program has the layers displayed in one tab, and the animation timeline in another, like so:

(do u like how im using pictures now, i thought of that yesterday after i published the other post and realized hey, visual reference would probably make my plight a lot easier to understand!! so enjoy these educational diagrams from now on)

so my goal was to get the frames from the layers into the timeline, and i still don’t know if i did it right bc lbr krita is not very intuitive at all,,.,, i mean i watched a video tutorial abt how to animate in krita which was v helpful (it’s the one by jesse j james on yt fuckin SHout out) but it was about animating from scratch, not importing an animation you’ve already done elsewhere

so like, the way krita’s animation thing works, from what i could piece together as i bumbled my way around w/ it, is that each layer in the layers tab is a separate timeline in the,,, timeline tab

i want them all to be in the same timeline, not separate ones, and there’s no way to combine them in the timeline tab bc doing that just overwrites whatever layer you’re pasting it down onto, and also if you define the number of frames for that timeline (62 for this project) it just puts the single image of that layer for all of the frames instead of just one of them, so you’d have to go through and delete all the other frames you don’t want it to be, which would be such a fuckin pain

so i found a workaround, which is so tedious that it can’t be the right way to do it, but basically i started w/ layer 1 and defined 62 frames & then emptied frames 2-62, like this

(that blue box is the frame, btw, even tho it says 0, which actually kind of annoys me like why doesn’t it start the first frame on 1????)

from there i went up to layer two and selected that in the timeline, but for some reason the frame doesn’t show up automatically?

& i couldnt fuckin figure out how to make it into like, an Official Timeline Layer or whatever tf bc like, u see on layer 1 how theres that little lightbulb-looking icon on the right? that’s for turning on onion skin which only applies when you actually have frames with things drawn on them, so basically layer 2 in the layers tab has a drawing but in the timeline it doesn’t?

i didn’t find out what the actual reason for this is or how you’re /supposed/ to make the frame appear in the timeline, but what i did was right click on layer 2′s timeline & select “create blank frame” which magically made the frame i want appear

but it’s on top of the layer 1 frame, and i want it to be the frame after. also it’s still in a different timeline. this is the only easy fix in this whole damn process, u can literally just click & drag the frame from layer 2 to layer 1 and put it wherever u want on the timeline

and then u just delete layer 2 and that’s it, frame transferred!! then i just had to do that for 60 more layers and after [unspecified amount of time but it was a fuckin while ok] my timeline looked like this!

(the gaps near the end are held frames, to save me time so i didn’t have to copy a bunch of frames that were exactly the same)

krita is great because as far as i know ur animation can have an unlimited number of frames, at the risk of your own pc’s processing power, which is a definite upside to SOME expensive art programs i know (clip studio, i’m talking abt csp) and u can pick the frame rate too (cough photoshop elements 5.0 even tho u dont technically have an animation feature & it’s a miracle u can even make gifs at all) so once i finally got all the frames situated all nice and in order like on the same timeline, playing it was great! played at the right speed, looped perfectly, it was a dream come true right

well, time to export it as a gif

ha

haha

hoooo oo  o

so u got 2 options for exporting ur animation, u can either hit “export,” which lets u save it as different file types, one of which being gif, or you can hit “render,” which gives you gif and video options

well

i tried export first, bc that seemed like a good idea, but the “””gif””” it made was distinctly not a gif, despite its claim to be one?? this is what i got:

notice: 1. it is not moving, and 2. the black bars to the sides?? those are supposed to be transparent. they’re transparent in the file i made so why didn’t they register as transparent in the export, when gifs have transparency capabilities??

so That was some real live bullshit but i still had the “render” option, right? export was wrong, so rrender must be the correct option to go to that will produce the results i am wanting to see produced in front of me like a silver dinner platter with a correctly functioning gif under the lid, that’s what i want to see and “Render Animation...” is gonna Give me that silver platter righWRONG ok look at this shit rn ok Look

it says GIF it says it RIGHT THERE right??? right?????? then WHY

?????????????

and it also gave me all This bullshit

like did i ask?? did i fucking ask???? i already have all the individual frames why do i need even M o re i mfjgjgk

((rationally ok yea thats v useful for if ur making the animation in krita and want to export the frames to use elsewhere, but like uhhh 1. again, they’re not transparent & 2. i should have the option of saying i don’t want these??? bc *meme voice* i don’t want these)

so in the end i could find NO correct method of exporting animations as a gif in krita bc every ooption that says gif is fuckign LYING to ur face there are NO gifs in krita, aliens made the progam who looked at gifs and went “hmm i thikng this is how a gif works “ and just made jpegs instead but somehow got on the computers good side and got it to lie for them about it being a gif so thats why it says gif on the file still even tho its not a gif illimati confinr

so what is the conclusion to this? well i said there was good news too, and this is the portion where i divulge that sweet nectar (i type dthis 2 seconds ago and @ me what the fuck)

so after wasting a good 2 hours trying to figure out krita i gave up and watched some good old [youtuber name redacted bc what if it shows up in search & ppl see this dumbass post in there but it rhymes with fjackfsepticfeye] to relax into accepting my fate that i’ll never be able to upload my animations to tungle except in poor quality loopless video form, making me into a laughing stock on my own art blog, but THEN i had a stroke of genius, in my Brain

so if u read yesterday’s post u might remember that flipnote studio, the animation program i use on my ds, to animate, has the option to export files as gifs, both animated and sequential (meaning either as one fully animated gif or each individual frame separately), which is super convenient, but as i mentioned yesterday, any time i tried to open the folder with those files on my laptop, it crashed immediately

WELL today i thought “hey, how about instead of opening the folder in the sd card when it’s plugged in, how about i copy that folder from the sd card to my flash drive, and try to open it there, in case it’s the card’s hardware that’s causing the problem, not corrupted files”

so i tried that and it FUCKING WORKED THANK GOD GLORY HALLELUJAH

so now instead of spedning A THOUSAND YEARS trying and failing to force art programs to bend to my will i can just export the animations straight from my ds and drag them onto my computer Just As God Intended oh GOD im so fucking happy

here’s the gif in the end, i’m gonna post it to my art blog too but this is the Green Version bc i animate in green bc of some default settings in flipnote that i got used to, plus it makes me feel like i’m just sketching so nothing really has to be finalized so i’m comfortable while i work, and also it’s just nice ok it’s a Nice Green

(there’s a few frames at the end that are like the extra scraps from while i was working dw i got rid of those in the final version that i’m posting to my art blog later. also i added my blog url to that one too it’s aaaaaall good)

the only downside to this method is that i can’t change the canvas size to be 540px wide to fit with tumbrl s image dimensions but whatever i can just post them in a text post and fix the html to display it at its original size instead of the resizing bullshit tmurbl pulls constantly ugh. anyway it works great on desktop but it’s inevitably gonna look like shit on mobile no matter what i do *Big Ass Shrug*

anyway thats the end of my success story uhh i can’t make the like comment & subscribe joke again bc i already did that in the last post so like bye i guess thanks 4 watchign & have a great day i’ll see u in my next fvideo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYob4uDjEKI&t=0s

(^that’s my outro music)

[typhonatemybaby]

copypasta about liberalism for later reference.

One: we are defining it from  the outside ( yet still affected by it), and are defining it as being in distinction to materialism. That is: we are at least attempting to not be liberals because we are attempting to be materialistic. We feel materialism is a position that is to destroy liberalism  Ok so what does that jargon mean? Well this is about the idealism of liberalism and about how liberalism has this tendency to see the symptom yet not the cause, to see all of its solutions as being these situations where the structural basis has not actually changed but merely the wounds it created arent there A great example of this was when i was listening to a podcast the other day by afloweroutofstone (aka Brett, a big tumblr-left user, sort of famed amongst the more hardline and esoteric parts of that niche milieu, like for instance, me, for his bad takes), where he talked about his ideal socialist society. I would personally say that Brett is a liberal socialist, that he is an idealist socialist etc. In the podcast Brett talked about how his ideal socialist society would be a sort of mixed-market mutualist one where most property was personal or public, yet the private property form still existed and was still self sustaining. The society had landlords but " your landlord would know you didn't need him", it had renting, and there was still rentiership but that this problem was defeated by tenants unions and syndicalism. I feel this is a liberal approach to the socialist question because I hold that the problems that we face with capitalism arent just these surface problems of " well the poor proles all have to rent and cant own houses and its bad", but also that "private property is the concept that a person can enclose off a space they do not need in order to claim a rent on it. that an individual can extend their legal person over infinity enclosing any part of the world off from another human in order to claim a rent". I feel the solutions he offers are liberal because they rely entirely on this idea of a vast moral mass always being upright and upstanding in their tenants union. Its as if he saw the  Norman Rockwell painting " Free Speech" and conceived of the spirit of that painting as being the spirit of his new socialist society. Two: Liberalism  is dead, yet it was never alive Marx famously said : "Capital is dead labor, which, vampire-like, lives only by sucking living labor, and lives the more, the more labor it sucks." 

I would put it that liberalism is dead politics and it lives by sucking political power from the masses, and lives the more the more power it sucks. This is power that the masses would use for their emancipation yet liberalism not only sustains itself through this parasitism, it defends itself also for it is against liberal societal structures that this power would be directed

This is why we see things like the Overton window, the dissipation of crude activism into the capitalist project and the co-optation of philosophy and cultural appropriation.This is not so much a moral failing of the activists or the philosophers ( though with the obvious exception of  the cultural appropriator)- it is the structure of liberalism going about its work. 

This is achieved via the means of enclosure of the commons, and enforcement of private property. It is an act of societal violence which forces all art to be commodified, and all politics to become subordinated to it. This is also why liberalism is so fiercely defended by those who benefit from private property: the Bourgeoisie. Liberalism is the class ideology of the bourgeoisie, who are the class of Rent and the class of Enclosure. their whole politics is a politics of phantasms: The Legitimate State, the hard workers, the rational calculus of business, the honest transaction and so on.

This brings me to point three which ive sort of already alluded to:

 Liberalism is about venerating the status quo. 

Stirner has something to say about this in the section of The Ego and its Own titled "political liberalism" which remains one of the better explanations of the ludicrous aspects of liberalism:

"The bourgeoisie is the aristocracy of DESERT; its motto, “Let desert wear its crowns.” It fought against the “lazy” aristocracy, for according to it (the industrious aristocracy acquired by industry and desert) it is not the “born” who is free, nor yet I who am free either, but the “deserving” man, the honest servant (of his king; of the state; of the people in constitutional states). Through service one acquires freedom, that is, acquires “deserts,” even if one served – mammon. One must deserve well of the state, of the principle of the state, of its moral spirit. He who serves this spirit of the state is a good citizen, let him live to whatever honest branch of industry he will. In its eyes innovators practice a “breadless art.” Only the “shopkeeper” is “practical,” and the spirit that chases after public offices is as much the shopkeeping spirit as is that which tries in trade to feather its nest or otherwise to become useful to itself and anybody else."

[halfblood-divergent-demigod]

That hand-squeezing between them becomes sort of like Pete’s lifeline. As long as she squeezes his hand back, he can convince himself everything’s going to be okay. For a while at least.

If she can move, she’ll be fine. It becomes sort of like a vibe shield for him. If she can squeeze he hand, he thinks, any bad vibes he gets are irrelevant.

P2. And Myka’s confused and scared and really, Pete is all she has right now. “Pete?” “You okay, Mykes?” “Pete, it hurts. Oh God, Pete it hurts.” “I know, I know it does. Just hang on in there for me Mykes, alright? Just hang on. I’m right here. I’ve got ya, I promise. I’ve got ya.”

And she sort of starts coughing up blood and Pete REALLY KNOWS that it’s serious. He knew before, but coughing up blood is a physical sign of internal bleeding.

“It’s okay, they’re on their way. I won’t leave you.”

P3. “This attitude hits him after he’s called 911. They’re on their way, but he’s noticed a bloody patch is starting to form around Myka’s abdomen.” - Take centre stage with this one, Mau. This was your idea; I reckon you deserve a say in running this AU. I wanna see where you go with this one.

This is where Leena tells him to take her shirt off and Pete flat out refuses.

“Myka will KILL me.”

Leena hates to do it, but “Pete, if you don’t she might not get the chance…”

This snaps him back into action. He pulls up her shirt and can see that her skin is starting to turn purple. It’s fairly gradual, but the fact that it’s happening at all is alarming. He knows that help is on the way, but he’s SO not sure if she’s going to make it— not with this much internal bleeding.

“What can I do?” Pete asks Leena.

Leena just bites her lips in silence… there’s not much to be done at all.

Luckily right at that moment the ambulance arrives and Pete rapid fire starts listing off the things he’s noticed is wrong with Myka, hoping that if he can say them fast enough, they’ll heal quicker.

P4. Pete’s 911 call is a mess. Like, genuinely. He’s barely just got to grips with the situation, and having to vocalise it really isn’t helping his nerves. Leena once again is his saving grace; she knows what to say to keep him calm and make the situation better. It’s by no stretch of the imagination good, but it’s better.

He’s just not sure what to say. Come help us now? My friend is bleeding out? Are they going to ask him more questions he (frustratingly) doesn’t know the answers to?

Leena helps him through the call. Where are they? Who’s injured? How bad does it seem? What should he do?

He get through the call with his heart practically beating out of his chest.

P5. I went back and re-watched the pilot, and I didn’t realise how much of a fucking mess the car is. Like, there’s a wheelrim that is no longer part of the car, at least one of the brake lights is smashed to pieces next to Myka’s head. That car is totalled, and that freaks Pete out as much as anything. Because if thats the damage this crash has done to a great hulking 4X4, he really doesn’t want to think what damage it’s done to a person.

He sees the hard plastic of the brake light by her head and immediately he’s paranoid that when she opens her eyes they’re gonna be a bloody mess. Maybe she’ll even be blind. It isn’t for a good minute or so that he thinks about it rationally and that the break light and Myka’s face were nowhere near each other during the crash. But as soon as that thought is quelled he has dozens more.

P6. And Pete, the more brawn than brain he is, isn’t actually fully aware of what Myka’s injuries might mean. Has she lost a lot of blood? How much more can she loose before it starts to come an issue? And knowing she’s got bleeding he CANT see, his primary concern is the the very real possibility that she might possibly go into/has already gone into shock.

This is one I’m going to disagree a tad on. Pete is smart. And usually, he’s smart in a stressful situation. But again, most of his stressful situations include bullets and threats— not car crashes. The fact that it was a car crash triggered him so badly that all of his instincts and intellect about handling stressful situations is switched off. He’s practically a newborn baby due to his anxiety and PTSD.

Normally (even though, yes, he doesn’t quite know enough about the human body for this situation) he’d keep calm and filter out unnecessary thoughts from his head.

[rhuemis]

13

13. Introduce your current party.

hoo boy so we got: 

-Scales

-Rhys

-Jeckyl

-Isiah

imma put the lengthy descriptions under a read more aha

Scales ((I dont think Scales even has a surname lmfao)):

-Warlock but insists that hes the party medic

-A white dragonborn that was born without scales due to a birth defect who has more than a few screws lose, calls himself a ‘doctor’ and we cant quite tell whether thats the truth or not

-Grew up in a brothel and now travels with the party to gain ‘medical knowledge’ whatever that means

-Has dissected the corpse of a literal god, harvests organs from whatever we kill and puts them all into bottles and then offers to transplant them into you if you get even remotely injured 

-Is already mildly possessed but then ate some of the tentacles from a weird squid god for fun and then got DOUBLE possessed and tentacles shot out of his mouth and we had to drag him to a temple 

-Something burst out of his chest one morning and now its his familiar. We were all stood at the door to his room like ‘This is Scales, this could just be part of his morning routine for all we know.’

- Speaks with a heavy German accent which makes anything Scales does like 4000 times better

-Isiah has literally promised his corpse to Scales

- Despite his quirks is protective of his party and deserves a pat on the snoot every so often

 Rhys Lignius

- Half-elf sorcerer that currently has more levels in warlock than sorcerer

- hes the mom friend of the group and is a pretty serious guy, hes the one who gets shit done but not before he monologues so hard that the rest of us party members say ‘oh fuck no im not listening to Rhys’ spiel again’

-Came from a very important family and is very proud of his Latian heritage, doesnt let you forget that hes a big fuckin deal lmao hes on a mission to do something in relation to his father but hes not quite spilled on exactly what yet, hes just trying to get to some ancient ruins

- Is so much of an actual loser that whenever he casts Prestidigitation he clicks his fingers and the whole party has started doing it back at him jokingly

-Despite being a square we all love him and hes probably the most reliable in the group. Lawful Good™.

-Flavours my bacon.

-Is the metaphorical designated driver of the party, cleans up after us shit monkeys.

-Is physically around 22 years old but might as well be 55 years old.

Jeckyl Corvus:

- Newest party member, a half-elf rogue that keeps getting cockblocked from actually stealing anything

-Wrote a really intense anonymous love letter to my character and slid it under his room door at a tavern a few years before the campaign started after watching him perform and recognises Isiah but Isiah doesnt realise it was him who wrote the letter yet

-Spent some time in gay baby jail for being part of a group of thieves that got bamboozled by a rich and powerful family and was abandoned by the people he thought of as family.

-Wanted to be a tailor in the years before his taste for adventuring kicked him in the nards. He ended leaving his family to go and explore but this decision ultimately ended up with his family being stripped of everything they had so now hes plagued by The Guilt™. Wants to eventually save/steal enough money to get his family back on it’s feet again.

-Rugged and handsome but the most important thing you need to know about Jeckyl is that he keeps a pet mouse in his pocket named Rupert and that one day Jeckyl wants to fucking transmute him into an owl or some shit because he just cannot be satisfied huh. ‘Oh Rupert was my only friend whilst I was living on the streets blah blah blah’ yeah sure tell that to his face whilst you go fuckin Fullmetal Alchemist on his ass. Love Rupert for the contents of his character, not his form smh.

-Acts suave and cool but loses all of that composure when it comes to Isiah. Would probably commit sepukku if Isiah died. 

-Has a lot of knives, which Scales finds ‘respectable’. 

-First combat fuckin crits the fish plant man that had Isiah grappled 15ft underwater out of sheer gay panic. RIP Shape of Water fish man, you’ll be sorely missed.

Isiah Vakalyn:

-My character so you know hes....really something. Half-elf bard.

-Comes from a weirdly strict family who were actually fucking cultists and were ((and probably still are)) planning on sacrificing him to a demon or some shit but Isiah didnt even notice this shit and still has no idea. He thought everybody was taught Infernal and that families were just like that. His family told him to become a bard and he obeyed. They told him study and he obeyed. They limited his interaction to the outside world and he only really started thinking for himself after he made his first proper friend who then also later fucked him over real bad.

-Ran away from home after being cucked by his “only friend” into maybe murdering her dad we dunno if he died or not but I sure did stab him a lot. She lied and told him she was being abused by her dad and Isiah saw red and agreed to her murder plot only to be abandoned midway through. He also pickpocketed for her for like a year beforehand bc she said she was poor. She was very not poor. Bring on the subsequent trust issues.

-Is a bard but hates getting attention so he wears a black rabbit mask when he performs in front anything that isnt a small crowd. He found that mask in his house so you know thats gonna be some spooky cult shit.

- Is only 5′4 and is very conscious of it. Luckily the party is very understanding and calls him ‘the halfling’ or ‘the midget’ lovingly to watch him implode.

-Once accidentally stole a dwarven baby. Named it Isiah jr.

-Has a pet eel named Illius who is the most fuckin talented eel you’ll ever find. He glows! He talks! He beats your ass at card games! Translates languages! We found him behind a door that was sealed by magic and was only opened after Isiah played the music notes on the map we found. Those notes were an exert of a song by the most famous of all bards, Rickus Astelyus. Lo and behold behind the door was a huge tanks with a heckin good boy inside and Isiah adopted him IMMEDIATELY. Loves bacon bits and scritches.

-Received an anonymous love letter a few years back that gives him major anxiety and literally avoids the city he got it from. RIP Jeckyl youre gonna have to talk to him about that, Isiah is oblivious and has no idea lmao.

- Loves to eat bacon and recently bought out the bacon from the local tavern. Feeds some to Illius because its what he deserves. He’s also currently carrying a fuckton of bread, cheese, jam, and flour. Food is practically his way of diplomacy as he gives some to whoever he meets. It’s almost like his way of nervous self-defence. When tentacles shot out of Scale’s mouth Isiah just started shovelling bread into the tentacles and Scales woke up feeling incredibly full lmao.

-Has also in his inventory: a gay erotica book, a romance novel in a language he cant read, a rainbow slinkie, a magic mood ring that gives him poison resistance, 6 wolf teeth, a wolf leg bone, some gems, 4 days worth of rations on top of all the food he already has, a violin, a flute, and a fancy lute that he found in Illius’ chamber.

-Hes just nervous but loud mouthed and contradicts himself a lot. Anxious and eccentric. Says that hes just a bard and wasnt meant for any kind of greater scheme but the universe has other plans.

-Was once dabbed at by the god of entertainment, Apollon. ((Apollon is the only god Isiah really cares about lmao)).

and despite him not being in the party anymore im gonna give honorary mention to my favourite skyrim-glitch-of-a-barbarian, Florys:

-Was the character of a guy who played with us for one session. At the beginning of the next session he was on webcam with us all and we were about to start playing when suddenly his camera cut out and he went offline and weve literally not seen from him since. He’s not been online in over a month now. Some common theories in our group is that hes off fighting ISIS or got arrested for weed right there and then.

-Due to this weird player disappearance our DM, Benjamin, had to take control of Florys whilst we looked for a new party member. In the session that the player disappeared from we didnt know if he was gonna come back or not so Benjamin had Florys suddenly contract a horrific stomach bug and was just in the tavern toilet presumably making a fuckin hole in the floor with the noise it apparently made lmfao Isiah actually had to try and play music over the top of Florys’ shitfest at one point and only just managed to drown the sound out. But as time went by days were eventually passing in the campaign and the player still hadnt come back so poor Florys was not having a great time in the bathroom for several DAYS.

-Eventually the DM realised that this player was not gonna come back and that the party was short on a tank so he started piloting Florys for a while to accompany us on our quest ((and miraculously recovering from his terrifying stomach illness)) but hed forgotten how the player said Florys was so just was making shit up on the fly. I specifically remember the original player of Florys saying ‘Oh Florys isn’t like those stereotypical dumb barbarians’ which is why I lost my shit when the Florys being piloted by the DM turned around and said ‘What the fuck is a triangle?’ ... Florys is practically brain-damaged at this point, I think it might be the DMs retribution for the player disappearing lmao

-Threw all of his hand axes into a river during one fight and then into a cieling the next, which provoked Isiah to jokingly call out: ‘Oh, Florys! You’re so handsome and cool!’ which Florys with his last 2 braincells took seriously. The handsome and cool line became an on-running meme and gets used whenever any of us fucks up lmao

-For some reason grew rlly attached to a piano he found in Illius’ chamber and carried it around with him out of two parts stubborness two parts piano LUST.

-We ended up using him as a mule to carry all of our heavy shit bc he’d just do it and he literally wouldn’t think anything of it.

-We found a giant birds nest and Florys for some reason picked it up and carried it away and got fucking kidnapped by a giant bird so now hes literally just in fucking sky somewhere sat in a birds nest and being flown around which is wild bc we expected the DM to just kill Florys but instead hes just in the fucking sky where he belongs. Like legit hes just sat in there. Hes just in the sky. Godspeed.

HEAVES I could write so much more but this is already incredibly lengthy so here take it

also @redthebattler idk if any of this would be interesting to you lmao