Tumgik
#but the point is the rant and the feeling behind it
musicalmoritz · 2 days
Note
What are your thoughts on the chapter 118? MitsuKou fans are eating GOOD I can say that much
Tumblr media
My thoughts on the best chapter thus far of the current arc? I’m glad you asked
I must say this chapter launched me into a full blown Mitsukou/Soukou brainrot. I have like a million fic ideas for both of them now and there’s no way I can possibly write all of them AND complete my requests so I just have to be sad. But omg, what a chapter!! I’m still stuck on the “smothered him with attention” line, that sounds like some shit I’d write. And ofc Kou being “captivated by that loser.” Ugh they’re so in love. I am now fully convinced that Sousuke had a crush on Kou in the former timeline when he was alive, you literally cannot convince me otherwise
The fact that if Kou’s mother hadn’t died and his father wasn’t neglectful, he would’ve used his free time to befriend Sousuke…and him being the one to save Sousuke’s life in the new timeline…oh I’m ill. The finger scene. Kou’s little blush. MITSUBA TEACHING KOU HOW TO USE A CAMERA BY STANDING BEHIND HIM AND GUIDING HIS HANDS. This was their cheesy romcom moment. The dead wife montage in an action movie
I love how their former selves are trying to reach out to them. No.3 was so unhappy with his existence to the point of wanting to die, and he wanted Sousuke’s life so badly but now that he’s lost it all he wants it back. Kou learned during the Red House arc that it’s okay if life is complicated, it’s okay if he’s stressed and doesn’t have everything he wants, and now he has to see a version of himself live in blissful ignorance. I don’t understand how people can say this timeline is better unless they’re fluff addicts, them staying in this timeline would do nothing for their character arcs and the overall narrative themes of growing up and facing reality. This life may be easier, but it robs each of them of their natural growth. I understand people are gonna have different preferences but the conflict of the old timeline MADE the story, do ppl rly want all of that to be thrown away for some “and then it never happened” ending?? Do you genuinely think it would be better writing if we never saw No.3 Mitsuba again and his arc ended with another shock value death???
Sorry for the rant lol, I couldn’t help myself. Absolutely no offense to anyone who prefers this timeline, it’s not like the fans are writing the story anyways so these opinions are harmless
I love how every version of Mitsuba wants to be someone else, they each perceive themselves as the “fake one” (excluding OG Sousuke) and feel disconnected from their existence. When I get around to writing my character analyses for TBHK I WILL talk abt all the queer allegories that go along with Mitsuba’s character but for now I’ll hold my tongue. All ik is this chapter made me love Sousuke sm more
Oh, and adult Amane…jump scare of the century. I can’t wait to see what his role is in this new timeline, I have a feeling it may be similar to Baby Tsukasa in the previous one. I love whenever the Yugi twins interact with Mitsuba (yes even the angst with Tsukasa) so that scene made me cheer. Also Kou saved his boyfriend!! Yippee!!
Sousuke and Kou wanting to run away together gave me major Picture Perfect Amanene vibes. Also HKOTO vibes, pls bring back the yaoi kidnapping🙏🏻
I think that’s all I have to say, Mitsukou fans were well fed this chapter. I’m eager to see the next one, still manifesting that Kou villain arc
40 notes · View notes
ghouldtime · 2 days
Note
Hiii it's me again lol
Okayokay, so I just finished reading your rant on the COD fandom's unique choice of pet names, and I'm gonna be straight up and say I'm going completely off topic and INSTEAD veer off to a side thing you pointed out to give my own opinion! This is a kinda hot take so I'm just screaming into the void hoping someone shares my thoughts 🖤
Sooo we all know the Ghost comics released alongside the OG MW2. I personally haven't read it due to the TWs but I've seen enough screenshots and summaries to get the gist of what happens. HOWEVER I believe those comics are only canon to 09 Ghost and doesn't apply to reboot Ghost, and this is what I meant about it being a hot take cuz almost everyone in the fandom agrees the comics happens for both. And I can definitely see why! I mean, we didn't exactly get any concrete backstory regarding reboot Ghost, so anything goes.
Where I stand on the line, I'm a firm believer of reboot Ghost being Just A Guy™️like he had a (relatively) chill childhood but there are some things that stay the same with the comics. Like Tommy scaring him with the skeleton mask when they were children, and Simon enlisting after the 9/11 attack (not sure if those are canon, it's just what I've heard so please correct me if I'm wrong). No abusive father, no Roba, no Christmas trauma. Sure it makes him less interesting but I find it pretty amusing how the person wearing a skull print balaclava has no real reason behind wearing it other than it looking cool lmao
Anyway, yap fest over! Hope you have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! 🖤
- Biscuits 🌺
SALUTATIONS it's good to see you again, I hope you're doing swell as well :D 💚💚💚
Technically, what you're saying is true!
The '09 comics pair with the '09 character and are indeed cannon for only him as far as I'm aware (someone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). The reboot lacks a true significant backstory. As in, if you search it up, you basically get "he joined the SAS and is super cool and is great at doing cool soldier things and probably can do a sick backflip". What we know about the reboot is basically what we experience in game. And until we get either another game focusing on his earlier life or have confirmed scenes of it, we really don't know.
Personally, how I distinguish "Ghost" as a being is as three versions.
You have '09 Ghost. '09 Ghost is the one we experienced in the OG games and the comics. He's the dead one - and the one with the actual official backstory. Those are both cannon and are tied to him as a character.
You then have Reboot Ghost. Reboot Ghost is, as the name entails, the reboot alone. Basically, what we have of him and know of him is what we experience in game. Technically, we don't know his backstory and the full extent of his life. Is it similar to his '09 counterpart? We don't know. He's kinda the "What you see is what you get". There's some things implied with his dialog but most of his story is up for debate.
And then we have what I'm calling Fandom Ghost who is the most common variant. Fandom Ghost is neither the reboot nor the '09 version - he's a middle ground. He's what everyone is thinking of when you hear 'Ghost'. Usually how I've seen him portrayed is the reboot with the '09 backstory or some semblance of that.
(Side note: I know it's quite typical to specify when you're referring to '09 Ghost specifically because he does, of course, have a very different history and outcome. Not to mention, the dynamics with him and Soap are very different than in the reboot which is another reason why people usually clarify and go "This is who I mean")
I've never actually seen a TRUE reboot Ghost that wasn't fandom based or fanon in writing, now that I think about it. Probably because it's not that easy to write about a character in a limited sense where you don't know much about them and you have to stick to the limited material you're given.
A lot of COD operators lack a significant backstory outside of their military history. That's mainly done because they're videogame characters of a military, shooting focused game and they don't usually have the time to go into depth as to why that character is the way they are. They're primarily soldiers who are saving the world and playing their role. You might see snippets here and there but the focus isn't on their background or the inner workings of their character in a very personal way, aside from what is revealed on missions to add a natural perspective and make them see more human
Because it's not like in the middle of a life or death situation you're going to sit down and explain that you had a dog growing up, you had three sisters, your favorite drink is Baja Blast, and you have a lifelong fear of Burger King.
'09 Ghost, however, we GOT a backstory. We were given something to work with. Clinging to that or melding it with the reboot, who lacks a backstory, is what a lot do because it's trying to make use of the best source material we got until we can maybe get something else too. Personally I was a fan of that backstory because it DID add depth to him, significantly so. I liked it.
Additionally, I think a LOT of people go that route too because it's something that's quite easy to look up so they don't need to make something themselves
(This is an entire theory and me putting on my tinfoil hat: There's a lot of people in the COD fandom who are just here for the big beefy men and don't do their research, haven't played the games - they're just assuming things. And when they see the fandom Ghost, they just assume it's true, and it spreads when they write their own stories. I hope this doesn't read like I'm trying to gatekeep or 'HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW EVERYTHING' or 'you're not a true fan unless-', cause I really really really do not care. Do what makes you happy, but I'm going to avoid reading what I feel mischaracterizes him for sexual purposes alone hardcore)
I also like to imagine that maybe the team doing the reboots has enough common sense too to not entirely scrap such a backstory as hey, it IS interesting, so there's a strong possibility that reboot might share some origins. Kidding, I'm being fully delusional here and know they won't do that and will likely just ruin it and I'm hoping they don't have a chance. I know any new one they come up with -like the writing in the last campaign -would be utter carbonated hot dog water and I do not trust them at alllllll. I'm refusing to accept reboot Soap's death but that's a rant for another time
That being said though, there's technically no correct backstory yet for Reboot! Ghost aside from what we already know. Anything that adds backstory or melds anything else to him is making him fanon/fandom!Ghost (which is by far the most common iteration and the one people default too)
I love when people give him, and other COD characters, happy or somewhat not dramatic backstories. They already have enough going on with the wars they're thrown in, I live for them having a scrap of happiness and normality. I can't blame people for not wanting to write or deal with heavy backstories and it's nice to see variety and is SO super valid.
But at the same time, I also do like his OG backstory, I love seeing when people dig deeper into the gritty stuff too, exploring that side of characters because not everyone has the best life growing up. And joining the military and when they join can be telling too about their home life
Variety is the variety of life and when there's not exactly a cannon, then I love seeing people make their own reasonings and conclusions and write fanfics with their own theories. It's SO fun to explore what other people think and it really results in some of the sweetest fics that dive more into depth than the official writing team ever could hope to
The Ghost that I write are usually AU Ghosts anyhow so it allows me more flexibility in what I write. BUT if I'm writing for Ghost, I do the blend where it has more of the '09's backstory but his reboot vibes. THAT BEING SAID
I love making him just, A Dude©, still despite that. Having a bad past doesn't make him any less of a person - nor does it make him this ultra mega tough dominant edgy sigma bad boy. He's literally just a GUY. Sure, he has extensive SAS experience and training to boot. Sure, he's easily one of their top soldiers. He's a stone cold killer when he's Ghost. He's there to do the job.
But Simon? Simon's just a dude, like everyone else - they all are at the end of the day. Sure, they have their own personal struggles and do have to go through a lot, but they're still people. He goes to the grocery store and is genuinely confused about all the options of milk now (how the hell did they milk HEMP). He still makes his bed and has to fight the fitted sheet to stay on, using his size and strength to force it in place before it can do 'the thing' that all fitted sheets somehow do. He bought a bird feeder so he could watch the wildlife as he drinks his tea for breakfast. Speaking of tea, he has a whole collection! And the good shit, you know he won't settle for any less.
He's just A DUDE© at the end of the day and I love those mundane things because hell, he needs them to still feel human and to be reminded exactly what he's fighting for
I just find it so silly and ridiculous when he's consistently like "I'M Batman: I AM THE NIGHT" sheer dramatic levels of broody in stories or when he's put in as this mega dommy bad boy who is 6'5", growling constantly, and is like the posterchild for a wattpad biketok fanfic.
Lmaooo be for real, he's out here doing arts and crafts to make his masks. He has a whole paint collection and everything. He went into the craft store for paint and came out with two new hobbies and no, I'm not listening to anyone who says otherwise
43 notes · View notes
humanfleshfairie · 1 day
Text
You know what confuses the hell outta me as a Canadian being force fed American politics by proxy of having the internet ?
Is there only ever two candidates?
I could've sworn there was like 4 parties that you could vote for but like for the last eight or something years it's been like Trump or Biden then kamala or Trump or Trump and Obama. Like are there no other people running for office over there? I feel like I'm in the twilight zone, and it's just the same three people on a loop. But you guys do reelection every four years so like...what's even going on over there ????
#i could just look it up#but the point is the rant and the feeling behind it#like whats even the point of the system there if they always seem to be circulating through like the same two or three people#after four years it should be like reality tv or something just a whole new line up and fresh ideas#tired of seeing the same conflict over and over and over#anyways im not even american so its kinda whatever but also#voting in general feels like this all time#i cant even remember a time i heard about people other than doug ford or justin trudeau#I WANT NEW PEOPLE#NEW IDEAS#and more than anything i want politics to stop being like some highschool election based in social visibility and popularity#like not to sound like dork but WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ISSUES#WHAT DO THESE PEOPLE EVEN ACTUALY STAND FOR#ARE THEY JUST SAYING THINGS BACK AND FORTH WITH NO SUBSTANCE#its always like#tHis PErsOn wIlL aLloW pEoPle To TraNsiTion#tHiS PerSon wAnts To TaX tHe RiCh#like ya thats all well and good but WHAT ELSE???#climate crisis price gouging environmental preservation school funding library funding reproductive rights and general physical mental#emotional health aids that are consistent and cant be taken away#i dont just want people that “care” when its convenient or talk a big talk i want people that DO THINGS because they actually give a shit#and stand for something#like honestly even if its something i dont personally stand for or care for at least STAND FOR SOMETHING#but idk.#on real note i know im expecting a lot out of modern politics#politics in general#and people#but like#just wanted to air it out one time
0 notes
mitsuki91 · 9 months
Text
Okay but you know what could really destroy Snow?
Seeing Lucy Gray slowly starting to fall out of love with him. Lucy Gray knowing him so well she starts to be repulsed by him. The pain and disdain and the masks she has to wear (expecially if they are in the Capitol and she depends on him) in order to survive... With him because she has no other option. Lucy Gray, who put trust above everything, slowly starting to lie to his face, to hyde the fear and the pain behind fake smiles to make him happy with her.
And he will see this. He will see because, as always, as they are connected by the stars, as they are both performers, he can read her as she can read him. He can see her pulling back from their love story.
So. He may think that he want her to be caged, because so he can feel safe. But in reality he can not. In reality, he needs her to choose him. Everyday. They have to be a team. They have to be alone against the world (even if that means they have to perform to find a place in that world). He has to know, to feel sure, to feel warm about the fact that his Lucy Gray wanted him and wanted to be with him in the same way he wanted to be with her.
He has to be sure they truly love each others.
Or he is going to be insane. After all, he already did. One trace of doubt - he lost it. He lost it so bad.
But betrayal in a so giant way is a thing; a thing that set him in a rage, that make him spiraling without control and do despicable things in a matter or seconds.
Slowly see your only love slowly fade away? This is another type of pain who can drive one mad in a more subtle way, because he still had hope he can just fix things and surerly he will do it. Just a little time. Just a little patiente. He will do it. But in reality she fade. More and more far away. And panic arise, day by day.
So yeah, Coriolanus Snow was a boy in love, and as a boy in love (the first time I must add) wanted to cage her loved one, to control her. It's normal to feel this way when you love someone, because you want the other one to love you the same. But it's a passing thought, not a real one, because physical possesion doesn't mean owning someone's feelings, and he knew this. Deep down he knew. And he wants Lucy Gray's love above everything else.
Seeing her simply perform their love story to him will be too much.
187 notes · View notes
dayurno · 7 months
Note
darling, have you any kevjeanthea thoughts to spare? i've been going insane since i found out jean was thea's puppy and also their Mailman. i'm in need of your wisdom rn.
<3 (@stabbyfoxandrew)
OF COURSE hello darling aerie i hope you're doing well also you know exactly what you're doing referring to jean as thea's puppy don't you. i think i hauve covid....
as of right now i have two ideas which are not really that distinct but cause me great amusement... first i thought about established pro era kevthea and jean ending up in the same team as them (possibly the olympics?) while being a trainwreck himself and kevthea immediately taking him under their wing :) this is like the standard aftg poly fic scenario and i fall for it all the time because it's so GOOD. i think at first kevin's the one who's kind of laying it heavy on jean because he's worried he might do something stupid but thea is ultimately the one drawing jean by the back of his neck and being like you're acting ridiculous. live with us. and he does... AND THEN OF COURSE the evergreen offer of a threesome, the unbearable tension, the constant mistaking of jean as either kevin's or thea's boyfriend, being so close it gets inappropriate. the perfect culmination i think would be a night where they actually do sleep together and jean wakes up under kevin and thea like what the fuck just happened
Tumblr media
AND I DONT THINK THEY EVER TALK ABOUT IT. or like define terms. or even boundaries. but it happens and its there and jean is just casually added to their every activity like hes always been there in the first place :) i think theres something just so fun about a dynamic like that for poly ships sorry sorry sorry. jean thinks he's a single man until it's christmas 2011 and he's having dinner with thea's family
my Other idea was well of course the nest-era moment. i was thinking thea has a the boy is mine moment with jean until she realizes that jean has a crush on her too and she's Very flustered about it because it's definitely not what she expected would happen out of this situation. i don't know if it'd change much about canon but i think itd make the scene where kevin takes thea to see jean in tkm very tense >:3 and you know how she was like should i come back? to kevin i think they could do something similar for jean like. finish usc. get a little better. and then we'll come back for you. and they do :3
12 notes · View notes
fadedflora · 8 months
Text
it sucks to have to be scared to update the game, no matter the size of the update, because you have no idea if it's going to break your game or not (not to mention going through the process of updating your mods)
#sims rant incoming!#i think a lot of sims fans (regardless of the game(s) they're a fan of) are just tired#tired of updates breaking their sims / their saves / their cc#tired of ea releasing broken buggy messes and having the audacity to make us PAY just for something to not work#tired of simulation lag making the game unbearable (especially for lower end devices)#tired of bugs that cause sims to get stuck on top of furniture / eyebrows/hair colors to change randomly / sim faces getting warped#idk it just sucks so bad to be a sims fan bc the only thing holding this community (and the games themselves) together are the mods#without mods and cc the sims (especially 4) would be unplayable because of how boring it would be#having to have mods to fully disable pack/base game features because they're not even slightly tuned (think fears/dust/etc)#or alternatively having to have mods to add in certain features or make certain features work properly (or better)#tired of bugs NEVER getting fixed and being fully ignored for months or even YEARS#and they don't even tell us they know about it so they can get away with ignoring it for as long as possible#not to mention the fact that TO THIS DAY if you want lgbtq+ rep in your game you have to PAY for it bc none of the lgbtq+ sims are base gam#(unless they changed sexualities of base game townies and idk abt it)#idk overall the sims (specifically 4) feels like a dumpster fire#i personally have no interest in a sims 5 because whats the point#why are so many simmers willing to scoot all the shit thats happened with the sims 4 under the rug under the guise of the sims 5 being good#do we really think the sims 5 will be any better when half the decent features are locked behind packs#certain features people paid for in packs are now base game so what was even the point in paying (like hot tubs)#idk everything about the sims 4 and the way it's continuously handled is so poor that i have no hope for any good quality content#maybe we'll get a decent kit or stuff pack here and there#but if we can't even purchase them without an item FULLY WARPING your sims face (ON RELEASE MIND YOU) what is the goddamn point
14 notes · View notes
racke7 · 9 months
Text
Me vs FF14 part... 2?
It's taken me pretty much three full days of running from cutscene to cutscene. But I've finally reached Heavensward.
And like... on some level? I'm kind of offended?
Like, a part of me genuinely wants to replay the entire game from the start "as something else" (different main-class, different race, different starting-area, whichever), because the dungeon-queuing system is actually really fun when you start to Understand it.
As in, FF14 has somehow made an MMO that has almost eliminated the feeling that it is a level-grind? Partially? It's turned the whole thing into a surprisingly comfortable level of (limited, but genuine) social interaction.
To the point where even someone who isn't obsessively grind-focused like me, can genuinely enjoy themselves. Just queuing up for dungeons, Hunting some bounties, and-...
And then FF14 has so many fucking quests that it literally chokes the life out of the gameplay.
As an example, one of their biggest dungeon-draws (bcs high rewards) is a quest that almost everyone hates playing. Because doing that dungeon means watching literally eighteen minutes of unskippable cutscenes.
And that's with them having reduced the amount of cutscenes in that dungeon, because the players complained so much about them.
Like... I'd be perfectly happy replaying the game from the start with a different character, even knowing that leveling isn't some kind of pain-free thing. But the thought of having to restart the fucking Main-Quest? Of having to spend literal days just running back-and-forth to cutscenes?
I'm currently feeling a bit burned-out as a result of the binge I went on to get here, but I'm pretty damn sure that I wouldn't replay this fucking thing even if you paid me for it.
(And, of course, Heavensward also has a Main-Quest continuation that you have to follow. And now I'm not even allowed to fly everywhere to cut down on the "running back-and-forth"-part of my complaints. Not until they arbitrarily allow me to discover flight for the new areas, by going through even more of the Main-Quest.)
(Not to mention that now I have to go back and do even more Class-quests, with their own cutscenes, in order to unlock a bunch of skills.)
(I'm very fond of the "the church is evil because it doesn't let you fuck dragons"-meme, and I'm very much seeing it. But like... come the fuck on. Why is this MMO a feature-length movie-series? Why can't I just play the game and have fun?)
#and yes. i'm very much aware that ''you can do anything with one character''#bcs everyone gets one (1) race-changing potion. and classes can be switched out super-easily. but that's not the point.#video games#ff14#rants#personal stuff#also like... i'm unemployed and waiting for my classes to begin a few weeks from now. i have INFINITE free-time.#and i still feel like ff14 is actively trying to waste my time by ''telling a story'' that should be in a single-player game.#... actually. that'd explain a lot. did the writers of this game learn to write from single-player games?#is that why there are so many cutscenes and minor characters to constantly juggle? did nobody tell them that they were making an MMO?#(the feeling of going ''all-in'' on the genuineness in the cutscenes even when it's corny as shit? good.)#(being forced to sit through cutscene after cutscene instead of actually playing the game? bad.)#like... even just the dungeon-cutscenes? to some degree it's expected that you SHOULD skip them? bcs you're making others wait?#(and during the Raids. that means outright being left behind. ain't nobody stopping for anyone.)#so you're losing a massive bit of story-telling. bcs it's trying to tell that story in the WORST place.#it's a good story? i guess? but it's so fucking inconvenient to _play the game around_ that it feels more like a chore than an adventure.#and in a single-person game? i think it'd be great. maybe not entirely my kettle of fish. but genuinely good. but as an MMO?#like i get that a lot of it has been added onto it over the span of YEARS and that ppl playing it since launch would've been desperate#for new content. despite how the amount of content seems incredibly overwhelming for new players.#but jesus fuck. at least let people wanting to start a new character to just... skip the fucking thing? they've already seen it once.#* nevermind. they thought of that. they're selling ''story-skip''-potions for 10$. wow. just... wow.
5 notes · View notes
daz4i · 1 year
Text
i know aging isn't the end of the world and 24 isn't that old and life isn't a race etc etc etc. however,
#i think a big reason i feel so bad abt being this age is ppl told me this is when things start to get better#and i still feel the same way i did as a teenager so. well. is it really 😐#(being on t probably isn't helping but it's been over 3 years already so... not an excuse i think)#but I'm also physically aging like the reason i barely upload selfies anymore is i see myself getting uglier every day#despite fighting for my life to at least take care of my face and hair...... can't fight the passage of time 😔#+ ofc. my (younger) friends being way more sorted out than i am on every level#again ik life isn't a race but. it can't help but hurt to know I'm still behind literally everyone i know#and my excuses for that aren't even good. bc other disabled ppl my age are also more sorted out than i am#other depressed ppl other borderlines other autistics etc etc. hell these are also my irl friends 😭#and it's dumb. bc feeling like i wasted my life isn't really pushing me to change that now. just makes me want to die even more#(bc i mean what's the point. i will never catch up. I'm still at the starting line AND i move so slow it doesn't even count)#(i don't have a single milestone ppl my age have not even finishing high school which is like. the bare minimum)#(and it sucks bc i also know i have potential i KNOW i can do shit in theory i know I'm smart and got skills. but i can't put it to use)#(and now this is turning into less of a thing abt age and just generally me talking abt how i wasted the last 24 years)#this was more of a stressed rant abt how I'm turning ugly and feeling super old but well. it all boils down to self loathing at the end 👍#vent#negative //#ask to tag#sorry for being so depressing all day oof ik i already said it before but it's been a rough couple of months#(nothing happened my brain just needs to get flushed down the toilet ^_^)#edit: i think. part of my panic about aging. is bc as a kid i was used to being the youngest everywhere#i was the youngest in my class bc i started school a year early. i was the youngest in acting school bc they don't normally accept teenagers#and in addition to that as an adult but before starting t i was always told that i LOOK young too#but now ik i look like I'm in my 20s. and it's killing me that i aged this much in so little#i wonder if shaving my beard will help but i don't wanna get misgendered 😐😐😐 and rn it's the only thing guarding me from that
11 notes · View notes
atomic-sludge · 5 months
Text
Flipping violently back and forth between "Imposter is overrated and gets too much fandom content. I dont want to contribute to that" and "Imposter is such an intriguing and interesting villain I'd love to explore that."
3 notes · View notes
thissmycomingofage · 8 months
Text
.
3 notes · View notes
formulapisces · 10 months
Text
shamelessly vagueing here and this sounds harsh but jesus some people really need to start realising not everything is about them.
not in a stuck up, the world revolves around me, arrogant way. but in a they’re not laughing about you, they’re not gossiping about you, you’re just insecure, reading into every little thing, hurt and need help type of way.
#it annoys me so much and i feel so bad saying it because i used to be one of those people but people really just need to take my word here#and no amount of reassurance will help these people it will only make it worse because they feed off of it and if you don’t reassure them#they’ll think you’ve betrayed them and have been talking about them next#i’ve been one of these people and I KNOW it feels really shitty and it’s really hard to get through but there comes a point where it’s just#straight up self sabotage#its not about other people anymore you’re just doing it to yourself#and it honestly pisses me off because from an outside perspective you’re just bringing everyone else down instead of doing anything about i#i KNOW mental health is more nuanced than that and that sounds so mean but ugjansiwnsjwo it’s just been annoying me#i’ll support you 100% but you cannot be coming to me every single day saying you know blah blah blah hates you when actually they think the#are your friend#so now YOURE the one talking behind peoples backs and hurting people and i CANNOT STAND ITTTTT!!!!!#just ugh#vague posting for the fun of it and it’s 6:00am and need something to distract me from crocheting#and i’m really trying not to be mean by saying all of this#just a post made out of frustration#i want nothing but healing for these people all they’re doing is pushing more people away and i don’t think they realise it and they put th#blame on others instead#because that’s exactly what i did#and looking back i was a really shitty person to these people and am so sorry 😭#long notes rant but please someone tell me they know what i mean by this 😭#irls got me worked up 😭#alèssi says things#pleeeeease someone understand and know i’m not just jumping on depressed people 😭🥲🥲#(editing to add by being really shitty to these people i don’t mean the insecure ones i mean my friends when i was like this)
2 notes · View notes
verberation · 1 year
Text
i just want a house. that fucking lets me have my dog in it. renting it out to myself and like. two other people. that won't fucking. kick me after a years lease. like. wtf. WTF. can't have shit in this goddamn rental market jesus fucking christ.
3 notes · View notes
maburito · 1 year
Text
It always surprises me how little irl people know about this constant rage of mine
I just shouted back at a rude as fuck customers for being rude to me and all my coworkers, and my coworkers were surprised at me "having some fire inside"
4 notes · View notes
emometalhead · 2 years
Text
.
#having a time so I'm here to rant about a couple things#I'd say I use Tumblr like a diary but I have an actual diary that I don't write this much info for#so like after being sick + concussed I'm doing much better now! no lingering symptoms of either anymore and I'm grateful#caught back up on my school work and I'm feeling in good standing for the rest of the semester#feeling fine thinking about the next couple semesters as well#basically this is just me establishing that I've been in a decent mental state lately. yay!#that's shifting a little. not entirely! I'm fine. just struggling with a couple things so I'm writing them out before they really affect me#I'm upset with my mom's opinions on gay people. she goes back and forth between really supportive and really homophobic comments so quickly#just the other day I was excited because she said something positive in response to seeing cars decked out in pride stuff#today she said lesbians can't have kids and expressed that she'd be disappointed if I 'chose' to be one bc 'there's expectations'#like what is that supposed to mean?????#I am gay and I want kids one day. those statements aren't contradictory to one another but I can't tell her that.#switching gears!#I have driving anxiety and hit and run OCD#basically driving makes me very anxious. I am constantly convinced that I've hit someone/something/caused an accident in some way#going over any bump or uneven road makes me feel certain I've ran someone over#I spend LOTS of time looking behind me in my mirrors to check for bodies/broken things/damaged vehicles or just to check for potholes#this causes further worry that I'll cause an accident by not paying attention to what is ahead of me#I also can't trust my memory. my brain tells me I've repressed memories of the accident I caused. this makes me confused to the point that#I no longer remember my route or even where I am. I'll assume I got off route and make panicked turns that actually get me lost#because of this I'm heavily reliant on visual markers to remind me I am on the right path. unfortunately it is fall now.#the nature on my route looks different than it did a couple weeks ago and it's throwing me off. plus there's new construction.#my usual environment has changed and now I'm back to being as nervous about my school commute as I was at the beginning of the semester#it's all just a lot#okay I'm done now. just needed to get that out before I went into a spiral#hope everyone is having a good night 🖤#ashley rambles
7 notes · View notes
Text
.
#no need to read or react just needed to rant about my brain a bit#the next two weeks are supposed to be super exciting with BC giving us a new look and song and music video#it's umk week and my favorite for once has historically great odds of winning and a good chance to do well at eurovision as well#I'm going to see umk live with my dear sister and stay at a hotel so it's like a mini-getout and then I'm going to stockholm and oslo gigs#this is supposed to be best times of the year so far but my brain decided we can't have any of that :)#last year at this same time I got hit hard with depression and the anxiety I've always had got even worse#it got to the point that nothing made me happy or feel anything at all and I just cried all day for weeks#everything about UMK night was blurry and sad because I wasn't talking to my bestie who I've watched eurovision with for 10 years#I just started crying during the Dark Side/ Bad Idea opening and the results felt like nothing#I'll always assiociate Bad Idea with my depression because it was playing on the radio in the nurse's office when I got my meds#anyway I can feel that same darkness crawling back to my brain right now and I'm very scared#my brain decides I don't deserve to be happy and screams about how unloveable and ridiculous and embarrassing and ugly I am#it isn't helping that Joel keeps reposting the most model-looking tiktokers because I always feel a hot gush of shame run through me#and everytime I see a pic of any of their blonde skinny young gfs I just wanna kms#now it's gotten to a point that the voice in my head yells at me that I don't deserve Bc or their music and I should cancel my gig trip#because they wouldn't wanna see a disgusting cow myself being so near the stage not to mention ask for a pic or autograph#and I should just hide in my apartment forever#and everyone who has ever been nice to me is either doing that out of pity or making fun of me behind my back#I can't take this anymore#delete later
4 notes · View notes
thewomaninlilywhite · 2 years
Text
as long as I've been on this site, I've seen people drift away, abandon blogs; but everyone I've openly interacted with on here is still active and/or I'm connected to somewhere else
And for the first time one of my mutuals has deactivated and I don't know what to do about it. Like I hope they're doing well, I hope they're ok. I hope I see them again.
If they need space, if they never return that's cool; I understand. But it's so surreal to think that like something could happen and I would never know
3 notes · View notes