#but the other ages are undesigned...

[puhpandas]

i rlly need to make full refs for tony and gregorys outfits as rhey age so i stop drawing an older tony in the same fit he was in when he was 12 when gregory isnt the same

[granulesofsand]

Tetanus Brad

Does anyone else name their unnamed alters? I worry that we’re forcing them into an identity, but they always say they don’t care. We’ve just been choosing basic white man names.

It serves a dual purpose — to desensitize us to common names and so we don’t have to go “yeah, the one who has the fractal subsystem of themself. no, the one in the city. no, with blonde hair. no, they’re middle-aged. no….”

So far we’ve got Tetanus Brad, Greg All the Way Down, Sad Man Dan, Steve Format, and a whole bunch of others.

They do exist for a reason as alters, but don’t have much of an internal life outside of their loops. Like they were case studies released into the innerworld, and now they work office jobs and drink black coffee — fair chance they’re the representations of our child-brain’s idea of ‘normal’.

Tetanus Brad knows he’s our mascot; it started as the Poster Department needing background images for slogans, and now they’re all Tetanus Brad in different positions and costumes.

He also is credited on the posters as Tetanus Brad, and we know him by that exactly.

[wayfayrr]

I've been on a little bit of an oc spiral since bringing it up for Cloud's Masterlist - so here's a more formal introduction to parts of the background for my linksona Gwyn, I would love to talk about him if anyone is curious because I love him sm <3 and his lore here is vague to say the least on purpose

TYPE: LIVE COMBAT FEED PARTIES: Three [3]. One [1] Guardian-type, Class Hunter, designate Sif [S]; One [1] Guardian-type, Class Warlock, designate Mikto [M]; One [1] [REDACTED], designate undesignated [u] ASSOCIATIONS: The Vex, [REDACTED] //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS.../ [S:01] Why are we here again… like I know you said you wanted to investigate something but come on. Is being in a vex gate really worth it?

[M:01] Never would have thought I'd see the day where a hunter complained about an adventure. but - [S:02] HEY! [M:02] But anyway, there's been a signal detected that isn't human but close enough to be concerned that it's here. [M:03] We're going to find out the cause of it. [S:03] alright then. can you give me any more information? how long has the signal been here, Is it strong, weak, Can you tell how old they'd be? [M:04] About three years now, a medium strength just where it can be traced reliably, realistically I would have preferred to look into it far earlier but I've just been inundated with everything. [M:05] Wait why do you think that would be possible!?? [S:04] I don't know, I've seen it done before, You're the Warlock you tell me. [M:06] You are insufferable. [S:05] What was that Mr. asked me specifically to act as backup? [There is a period of silence while they track the cause of the signal.] [M:07] So if I was correct then whatever is causing this anomaly should be very close- [S:06] Mikto. It’s a kid. I don’t care about your plans anymore, we’re getting him out of here. [M:08] But what if it’s a - oh you’ve already gone. Great. [Radio silence] [S:07] … Kid are you alright? [u:01] I don’t - I… This isn’t - I… [S:08] Hey, it’s okay kiddo, I know you’ve probably been through a lot but you’re safe with us okay? We’ll help you out of here. [M:09] Sif. Be careful, this could all be an elaborate trap.  [S:09] You saw what they were doing. I Know the vex.  [S:10] It isn’t a trap. But we need to find out what they wanted with him. // END TRANSCRIPT

TYPE: POST DEBRIEF PARTIES: Two [2]. One [1] Guardian-type, Class Hunter, designate Sif [S]; One [1] Civilian-type, designate Link [L]; ASSOCIATIONS: [REDACTED] //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS.../ [S:01] Now that we're finally out of there, kiddo… how long were you trapped there? [L:01] I don't… I can't remember it all that clearly…I think about three years?  [L:02] I shouldn't be here, What's happening to Hyrule since I'm not there to defeat Ganondorf (he trails off into panicked rambling that is unable to be transcripted.) [S:02] Kid. breathe, I don't know why exactly you're so panicked but you don't have to do anything alone. We'll help you get back alright? [S:03] Let’s start off with a different question, what’s your name? [L:03] Link. [L:04] My name is Link. // END TRANSCRIPT

TYPE: TRANSCRIPT PARTIES: Two [2]. One [1] Guardian-type, Class Warlock, designate Mikto [M]; One [1] Civilian-type, designate Link [L]; ASSOCIATIONS: Sif; [REDACTED]; Ikora rey; Braytech //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS.../ [M:01] Is there any reason you came to my study? not that I don't enjoy your company but, well. [M:02] It's not the safest for mortals to be around Warlock research. [L:01] Sif said that you're only studying pre-golden age books right now so I should be fine, and I wanted to ask you a question. [M:03] What did you want to ask then Ace? [L:02] Have you gotten any closer to finding my world? I’m just worried about what’s happening there, I was told so many times I was the only one who could save everyone. That it all fell to me in the end. I’m worried about home.  [M:04] It’s hard to say exactly, in some places we’re closer to it, in others we’re further away from finding it. I promise you though that we’ll help you get home at some point. [M:05] You shouldn’t have been the only one you know. I’m not sure how your culture works exactly, I know you’ve mentioned you’re [REDACTED] but you don’t talk about it all. You should never have had to fight alone though. With what you have mentioned you were only twelve when you started.  [L:03] I… I yeah I was twelve. I just wanted to save my home. Even when people weren’t the nicest. I didn’t. After living here, I don’t know if I can go back to living there after seeing how everyone is here. [M:06] If you want you could always stay here afterwards? We can go and help your place of origin then you could live here with Sif and me. She already sees you as her younger brother and honestly so do I. [L:04] Thank you. I think I’ll give that some thought. [M:07] Do whatever you think is best for you Ace. //END TRANSCRIPT

TYPE: CANDIDATE SCAN [CONTINGENCY-LINKED] PARTIES: One [1]. One [1] Ghost-type, designate undesignated [u] ASSOCIATIONS: First Light; Eliksni //AUDIO UNAVAILABLE// //TRANSCRIPT FOLLOWS…/ [u:01] Is it possible? [u:02] There you are! [u:03] Poor thing, I can’t imagine what happened here to you. The Fallen in the area must have had something to do with it though. [u:04] Your DNA isn’t exactly human, hopefully it won’t interfere with bringing you back. I've heard stories from other ghosts where things happen to their guardians or they have to be quarantined because they've accidentally brought someone back with an ancient disease, I have a feeling you won't be like that though. call it trust. [u:05] Eyes up guardian. //END TRANSCRIPT 

[crazyunsexycool]

The Sun, the Moon and the Stars

photos not mine, banner created by me.

Pairing: Sam x Reader, Bucky x Fem Reader, Steve x Fem Reader, Steve x Bucky, Stucky x Fem Reader, Stucky, SamBucky, SamSteve, SamBucky x Reader, SamSteve x Reader.

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, a bit of insecure reader, Canon level violence, future smut, brief mentions of torture towards Reader, I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m trying my best.

More warnings to be added to individual chapters as the story goes on.

Minors DNI

Please don’t copy, rewrite, translate or repost my works. No permission is given to use my works in any capacity even with credit.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13

Extras: courting self defense Omega likes her Alpha’s tiddies

Summary: Alphas, Betas and Omegas. Heats and ruts. The courting, mating and bonding. The true mates and scents. The excitement of knowing your designation. These were all things that existed in your world, you just weren't a part any of it. Instead of presenting at the age of 10 like everyone else you had gotten sick. An illness that could have been prevented if you had been taken care of the way you should have. Instead it derailed what should have been the start of the rest of your life. You were seen by most as broken and undesirable. You were one of the very few people that were classified as undesignated.

The Avengers were the most talked about pack. It consisted of mostly Alphas, Betas and 2 well known Omegas. They consistently went out and saved others from the horrors hidden in the shadows so it made sense that they were a family. What wasn't really known was that within the famous pack was a smaller one. It was uncommon that two Alphas to be mated and bonded with each other but it was rarer still for 3 to do so. They would be the three that would change your life forever.

There was Sam. He was enticing, caring and charismatic. Like standing outside on a sunny day after a storm. There is a fire within him to help others and bring light back to their life. Being around him meant being wrapped in warmth, that warmth you felt long after having been outside all day and the heat from the sun clings to your skin.

There was Bucky. He as as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. He was reserved and he had his reasons. If you stayed around for some time and let the clouds of doubt, guilt and regret clear his personality shined through same as Sam's. He was a hopeless romantic at heart. He was the feelings you had while going on a stroll with your loved one at midnight with nothing but the moonlight to guide the way.

Finally there was Steve. After waking up from the ice to a new world, it was difficult to think of the future beyond the next mission. When he met Sam he hoped for a new future and after getting Bucky back, he had stars in his eyes again. He is willing to fight harder and go further to keep those he loves happy and safe. Asking Steve for anything was better than wishing on a star because you knew he would stop at nothing to do what was asked of him.

Together the three of them were extremely protective of each other and the three of them although happy with the life they had created knew they were missing something. That something was you and you were their home. The same way the sun, the moon and the stars have a home in the sky.

[stillness-in-green]

Inheritance Deferred

A bit of off-the-cuff fic for an AU @holioc came up with about Eri picking up the pieces (and people) her grandfather left behind. The inciting incident: some years post-canon, Eri finds out about her grandfather's fate and takes it poorly.

---------------------------------

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”  Eri doesn’t know what to do with the weight skulking just beneath the knob in her throat, a tell for an emotion she doesn’t know the name of.  Her chest feels heavy, like a darker, denser shadow of the fist she has clenched into her shirt over her heart.

Deku stares at her, green eyes wider than she’s seen them in ages, a mirror of her upset.  (Is she upset?  She must be, for him to be making a face like that, though it still feels detached from her, as if, undesignated, it still can’t fully settle.)

“I didn’t—I didn’t know he was—” he stammers, a series of halting, false starts.  “Eri-chan—”

“We haven’t been kept in the loop because of medical privacy laws,” Aizawa cuts in.  “The only people doctors could have talked to about it were immediate family.”  His gaze is level and calm—those dark eyes, her old steady rock.  But now she just feels dashed upon them like so much sea spray, scattering, shattering white.

“But that’s just me, isn’t it?”  Her other hand curls into her skirt, fabric stretched taut between her knuckles, and she asks again, “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

His neutral expression flickers, a twitch in the set of his eyes, the smallest tightening at one corner of his mouth.  The moment draws out, a precipice yawning open between her and them.

“Is it because you didn’t want to upset me?” she asks before he can finish calculating his answer.  “Or because you didn’t think I’d care?”

“Eri-chan,” Mirio says, crouching down in front of her like he used to when she was so small that crouching was the only way to look her in the eyes.  Now it just puts him beneath her, for all that he looks quizzical more than apologetic.  “This is gonna sound bad, but…  Why do you care?”

-

After, she curls up in her bed, clinging to a pillow.

She couldn’t answer.  She just couldn’t dredge up the words.  But how was she supposed to do that, when she was still reeling from what they told her?

Her grandfather had been in a coma.  He’d been in a coma for almost eight years.  The day of the raid, the day she’d been rescued, the police had found him in a coma.

She’d spent so long thinking that her grandfather had just given her to him.  When he’d gone from a little scary to the man she’ll have nightmares about for the rest of her life, she’d just assumed her grandfather had stopped caring, just like her mother had—that kind old man who’d touched her hair so softly, and then pulled back and not touched her anymore when she flinched away for fear of what she’d do to him.  She can’t even remember what he looked like anymore, but she remembers how gentle he was, how he told her he knew someone who could help.

He never gave me up, she thinks, tears burning in her eyes (she’s realized by now, this must be grief).  All this time, I thought he gave me up, but he was—all this time—! 

It would have been years to undo.  The most you’ve ever wound back was eight months, a part of her thinks, a small, considered voice that always sounds just a bit like Aizawa, but where her guardian’s prized rationality is usually a tool, a way to help her manage her fears, today the logic just feels stinging and cold.

But he was my grandpa.  He was mine.

Realization hits her like a slap; she jerks upright in bed, then stumbles to her feet, hurling the pillow away from her.  Trembling, she looks around, peering into the dim corners of her room.  So long familiar, but all at once, the familiarity is wrong, nauseating and perverse, because nothing here is hers, it’s all just gifts, all sufferance, all—all placation, so she wouldn’t ever see.

See that one windowless room in a secure compound is not so different from any other.

He was mine.  She has to bite back a scream.  As she rakes her hands through her hair, the heel of her hand bumps against her horn—not big enough right now to unwind years, but it would have been enough to turn a dead person back into a live person.

But now the person—Grandfather, my Grandfather—is nothing but ashes in an urn, interred in some cemetery in a town she’s never heard of.

Overhaul and his men had given her nothing but scars and toys she couldn’t stand to touch.  UA and theirs had filled up this room with things she has no claim to, because all she is, all she’s ever been, is what her power can do for the people keeping her.

No, the rational voice tells her.  Calm down.  You know that’s not true.

And without changing at all, but somehow sounding just a little bit less like her guardian and a little bit more like something all her own, it goes on, I know they only want what’s best for me.  But that didn’t give them the right to let him die.

She slowly folds to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest and leaning back against her bed.  Her expression smooths out into a blank mask as her mind turns wheels and checks boxes.  The conclusion looms, inexorable and magnetic, through the thick ache of unforeseen loss and the raw, hot sense of injury.

He was mine.  What else that’s mine are they hiding from me, hoping if they just don’t bring it up, then I’ll never think to ask for it?

------------

Notes:

o I think the full version of this scenario, both in its set-up and its main body, would involve a lot of decisions made out of pain and misunderstanding. In my read, Aizawa and the rest really had assumed the same thing Eri had: that her grandfather had just handed her over to a monster out of greed. They never told her about the coma because, well, why should anyone make her feel obligated to help someone who wronged her so deeply?

Still, the fact that heroes meant well doesn't negate the fact that they were all too comfortable assuming the worst of a man their society had labeled a villain, even though there was testimony delivered to heroes (Bubble Girl and Centipeder) that the Hassaikai's boss had been an honorable man and was a potential victim of the real villain in the group, Overhaul.

o Yes, Eri would wind up with Overhaul's leash in her hands in this AU eventually. I have no strong thoughts on whether news of Pops' death would break him entirely or push him back in the other direction instead, but either way, this is definitely an Eri In Charge scenario.

o As Holi described the concept to the rest of us, "Something something, the return of the yakuza because of a girl whose power is to bring back what used to be."

[dryades-angeli]

I am pro Caleb x Elyon. <3

When I was a kid, I saw an ad for W.i.t.c.h and absolutely loved it. That's why I got a W.i.t.c.h subscription every year for my birthday. My favorite character was actually Elyon. And that hasn't changed throughout the series. Of the boys, I always loved Caleb. That's why I secretly shipped the two. At some point the series came out, but I was never really excited about it. They really undesigned a lot of characters, added characters and rewrote the story. I also found the animation of the characters just horrible. Basically, I never paid much attention to the series. I am and will always be a fan of manga/comics. I found the reason why Caleb broke up with Cornelia quite understandable. On the one hand, they lived in different worlds. At least, when Caleb saw Meridian, it was clear that he would not stay in Kandrakar and so at Cornelia's side forever. Neither could have left their world for the other's and so an end was inevitable. On the other hand, Guardian-Cornelia and Human-Cornelia seem to be two pairs of shoes. Guardian-Cornelia has a more mature character than Human-Cornelia, and appears more mature in appearance. But he doesn´t broke up, because of her body-age, but for here character-age. So it's totally fine that Caleb later chose Elyon. While Caleb fell in love with the Guardian, Peter love the human Cornelia and so far her real (childish) side (see picture). Probably a point between Caleb and Cornelia was, that Cornelia was a strong fighter. Caleb probably never saw her as a it or didn't want Cornelia to fight...? However, I believe that the decisive argument for the end of their relationship was the separation of both worlds. Neither would have been happy in the other's world for long. This is also shown by the special issue "Caleb and Cornelia: A love not meant to be.".

Elyon, on the other hand, lives in the same world as him and was and always has been Elyon. Whether as a human or as a queen of Meridian. Also, she's someone Caleb can protect. She also seems more mature in character than her friend. Caleb and Elyon's relationship is something that's been slowly evolving. At first it was just a friendship. But little by little, feelings came into play. Until finally a small romance developed, which was overshadowed by the fact, that Caleb is her best friend's ex.

Their developing romance is referenced again in the W.i.t.c.h Special issue "Caleb and Elyon - Two Destinies". There you also learn that Elyon has actually fallen in love with him. I don't know how Caleb feels about that. I haven't read the special. But his hand on hers (pictured above) makes things pretty clear to me. But you can also see in the Special that Cornelia gave her okay for a relationship between the two.

It also makes sense that Elyon is his next big love, because the two have had plenty of time to develop a romance. Caleb can often be found standing next to her. I wouldn't go so far as to say that Caleb was just looking for a reason to leave Cornelia for Elyon. No. I do think he really loved Cornelia. I just think that the romance between Elyon and him was able to develop, because he left her. Otherwise it would have remained a friendship. And in that case, there is nothing to blame Elyon for. According to the panel, it's been a while, since the two broke up and Cornelia already had Peter at the time. So why shouldn't her best friend be happy, too? Anyway, I'm happy that my ship is canon now. I think the two are compatible and their relationship makes sense. Calyon forever. <3

[voidendron]

also 🗡🗡🗡🗡 for your Exarchs-turned-OCs 😈

Send 🗡️ and I will rate my muse’s danger level in several category in a number of stars out of 5. (Max: ★★★★★)

I got the BIGGEST grin at seeing this one ty November ajklsd;jdskl. YES let me ramble about my children >:D Draya up top, the rest below the cut!

Zar Draya

Raw Power: ★★★★★

She's carefully honed both her Force-sensitivity and brute strength to be able to comfortably--and to deadly efficiency--be able to tear through her enemies regardless of whichever she's using. Her physical enhancements from Project: Exarch only increased her brute strength further.

Formal Training: ★★★

She was trained to be a Knight from the time she was old enough. However, as she's still quite young, she has much yet to learn, and would have continued some form of informal training on her Fortress had she not been killed, to further round out her skills.

Combat Experience: ★★

Hasn't seen many battles. Most of her combat experience stems from protecting the Spire as a Knight, and facing Nox and the Barsen'thor were her first true opponents outside the training ring.

Willingness to Kill: ★★★★

She'll take prisoners if ordered, but prefers to end it there. She has no qualms against taking the life of anyone who opposes Zakuul.

Previous Victims: ★★★

Most victims consist of criminals on the Spire, and the occasional Alderaan nobles who were ruining Zakuul's "entertainment." Has an average body count for someone in a war and formerly one of the policing bodies on her home planet.

Jom Vanten

Raw Power: ★★★

His Exarch enhancements came more in the form of inhuman calculations and speed/agility. He's not meant for brute-forcing anything, and instead relies more so on wearing his opponent down and calculating what their next move will be long before they make it so he can react accordingly.

Formal Training: ★★★★★

Graduated from the Academy to become a Knight. While not top of his class, he passed with flying colors.

Combat Experience: ★★★

Most combat experience is from dealing with criminals on Zakuul, though has gone planetside on Hoth a few times to gather things that may be of interest to Zakuul, where he got into skirmishes with White Maw.

Willingness to Kill: ★★★★★

Due to the Project essentially erasing his mind and making it programmable, he'll do literally whatever his higher-ups tell him to without question. He feels not an ounce of guilt or remorse, and unless strictly ordered otherwise, he'll go straight for the kill.

Previous Victims: ★★★★

Aside from the Bothawui Fortress Exarch (yet undesigned/unamed), Jom has the highest kill count of his peers. He doesn't hesitate to have his Fortress fire upon Hoth's surface, and has decimated White Maw forces there, as well as caught various others in the blasts. He's also killed a number of his own Knights, both directly and indirectly, because he calculated it was "worth the loss" or that they'd make the same mistake again and weren't worth the risk of having around.

Lesin Tyn

Raw Power: ★★★

He just waits for his opponents to exhaust themselves as they deal blow-after-blow to him that heal in record time, then he goes in for his own attacks when they start slowing down. Rather than overpower, he out-endures, allowing his self-healing and-repair systems to do all the work. If it wasn't for his mostly-cybernetic body and the abilities built into it, he'd lose in hand-to-hand combat, as his physical strength is lacking in his old age.

Formal Training: ★★★★★

Graduated from the Academy. Also, being the oldest of his peers, he's had plenty of time to keep learning and bettering himself.

Combat Experience: ★★★★

He's straight-up just been around a lot longer than the other Exarchs, so has the experience to match. When battles need a little extra help, he'd put one of his trusted Knights in charge of his Fortress so he could leave and aid the battle (usually in form of tactical know-how, and actually fighting only when necessary), and before the Project he'd dealt with a lot of criminals on Zakuul.

Willingness to Kill: ★★★★★

Only Arcann or Vaylin themselves can keep Lesin from killing an enemy to Zakuul once they're at his feet.

Previous Victims: ★★★

Doesn't really have that big of a kill count. Mostly criminals, and a handful of enemy forces in battles to expand Zakuul's reach. Enough to give him experience, but that's about it.

Forta Gair

Raw Power: ★★

If anything, her Exarch enhancements decreased Forta's physical strength. She can move in ways and at speeds no normal human ever should, and bend in ways that make her limbs appear artificial, but when it comes down to brute force, she's...lacking. She's built to move quickly to reach her opponent's weak points, not to take or deal a blow. Her Force-sensitivity is a bit weaker than her peers', too. She's instead learned to outsmart and outmaneuver her opponents.

Formal Training: ★★★

Didn't attend the Academy, and instead trained alongside Zotar from retired Knights. Only underwent any sort of formal training after the Project.

Combat Experience: ★★★

Similar to the majority of her peers: Most of it's from facing Zakuulan criminals before the Project.

Willingness to Kill: ★★★★★

She's the most likely of the group to disobey a direct order. If she wins, she wins, and the fate of her opponent should be up to her as far as she's concerned. If they opposed Zakuul, they deserve only death, and only Arcann himself could stay her hand (or Vaylin, because she's scary, too).

Previous Victims: ★★★

She's in charge of the Belsavis Star Fortress - the way she sees it, the criminals of that planet are all pests. She has prisoners killed and/or experimented on on the regular, and her body count got considerably higher than a lot of the other Exarchs' as a result, though still nowhere near if she'd actually had her Fortress fire upon the prison-planet.

Tarso Gren

Raw Power: ★★★

Like Forta, Tarso wasn't enhanced to be able to brute force anything. He's light on his feet and can't deal or take much of a hit. His Force-sensitivity, however, is considerably stronger than Forta's, and allows him to strong-arm certain situations that his physical strength probably couldn't on its own.

Formal Training: ★★★★★

Was trained as an engineer before attending the Academy to graduate as a Knight. Better with machines than combat, but can still wield a shield and saber pike with the same ease as his peers.

Combat Experience: ★★

Solely with criminals on Zakuul before the Project.

Willingness to Kill: ★★★★

More practical than a lot of the others, but still has no qualms against ending a life if it's the better option.

Previous Victims: ★★

A few criminals on Zakuul who made him resort to killing them, but that's it.

Andur Melor

Raw Power: ★★★★

Pretty strong in both body and Force abilities. He's probably second-strongest of the Exarchs, right behind Draya. If he wanted to, Andur could easily brute force a situation, either by strong-armijg his opponent, or using the Force to subdue them.

Formal Training: ★★★★★

Not only did Andur graduate the Academy to become a Knight at the top of his class, he also took extra lessons on the side from both current and retired Knights to further hone his skills.

Combat Experience: ★★

Solely with criminals on Zakuul before the Project.

Willingness to Kill: ★★

The other Exarchs tend to find Andur "too soft." He's willing to talk peacefully and doesn't go into a situation wanting a fight. He'll kill if his hand is forced, but he'd much rather subdue his opponent than end their life.

Previous Victims: ★

His kill count is exactly one person: A criminal from Breaktown, who tried to bomb a shuttle port. Andur didn't even kill her himself - she got herself cornered and fell off the damn Spire because she didn't watch her step when she backed away from him.

Ren Zotar

Raw Power: ★★★

While he can hold his own in a fight, he relies a lot on his Exarch enhancements to win his duels. Able to slice and reprgram machines with ease just by being in their immediate vicinity, he can call on an army of machines to do his fighting for him. He relies on his machines - specifically, stolen Republic walker After Shock who's his favorite of the bunch - to wear down his opponents to the point he can leap in with his pike ready.

Formal Training: ★★★

Never actually attended the Academy. He received informal Knight training directly from other, retired, Knights, and from personal trial-and-error. He was made a Knight after showing he had the same skills as Academy-trained ones. He was accepted when he volunteered for the Project because of his natural skills and loyalty to Zakuul, and it was only then that he underwent any formal training.

Combat Experience: ★★★★★

He was made the Exarch of the Old World. While certainly not the intention when he was put in place there, he took to the Eternal Championship like a moth to flame. He's fought and won countless battles in the arena, and uses his fame to keep control of the Old World and even Brraktown to some extent, with far more ease than any Knight before him.

Willingness to Kill: ★★★★★

Very few of his opponents in the arena walk away alive. He doesn't hold back, and won't hesitate to strike them down himself, or order one of his machines to do the dirty work for him.

Previous Victims: ★★★

Consist mostly of former arena opponents, and the occasional Zakuulan criminals. He's not as worried about criminals, however - he knows there's a lot where he's in charge, and is instead more worried about keeping things in check so Arcann can focus on more important things.

[trashmouthkid]

Eddie Kaspbrak wanted to drown.

He wanted to sink. Not into death, or into sleep, but into feeling. Wanted to break the smooth, untouched waters of his own making where he could never before be—to let it fill his lungs until he knew it like his own breath.

There was no other way to make up for all those lost years. It was not always enough to just know it, or even to be in it—to feel the tickle of a man’s voice on the back of his neck, to be in a man��s arms, in a pool of it, to laugh and say “something’s not right here.”

He shouldn’t get so in his head about it, he knew. Not when Richie was muffling his own laugh into his hair, and that felt nice, even if the cooling bathwater around them did not so much.

“Maybe we just can’t swing it,” Richie sighed.

Eddie frowned, leaning his full weight back against Richie’s chest and letting his arms come up around him, taking his hands. He spotted a mole on Richie’s arm, next to his ear, and turned his cheek to kiss it.

“Swing what?” he said.

“Romance.”

It was Richie’s comically large bathtub, and Richie’s idea. Richie who’d said they ought to try settling down, if only to quiet his own worry that their relationship did not well mirror that of Mike Hanlon and Bill Denbrough’s, or any of the other couples that he knew. Eddie thought the worry was for specifically for him, which was some unfortunately undesigned comedy. He could have told him how the top half of his body was cold and dry where it wasn’t pressed to Richie’s warm skin, or that he was never good at sitting still.

“But we swing other things alright, huh?” Richie went on, like he could see the inside of Eddie’s head. “I mean, did you daydream about romance growing up?”

Eddie shook his head under Richie’s chin. No, he never daydreamed about romance. He did not think about it at all, as a kid. He thought an awful lot about dunking Richie beneath the dirty waters of the quarry, about tasting it when he screamed, and feeling it slosh around in his belly later, carrying it with him.

He didn’t say that out loud, though. Because then he’d have to admit that getting his hands on a boy’s shoulders was the height of romance for him at age thirteen, and that was why he wanted to drown.

He didn’t say anything at all, and instead tried to settle back in, until he heard Richie murmur: “I think my leg’s falling asleep.

Eddie huffed, grinning to himself, and pulled out of Richie’s arms. Richie let out a soft whine as he maneuvered off his lap.

“You can’t…move like that, Eddie, I was being so good,” he said in distress.

But Eddie was already on the other side of the tub, grateful now to be able to face Richie and see his pink flushed face, his fogged glasses.

“You’re so full of it, Rich,” he laughed. He pushed his hand through the water towards him.

Richie stuck his chest out and pitched his voice real low. “Don’t splash me,” he said sternly. “We’re men.”

Eddie threw his head back and laughed some more, and in the back of his mind thought about how he didn’t feel much like a man at all. He felt wholly untouched by age, and instead by all the moments where his outsides matched his insides—all the versions of himself that were unapologetically his own, and the spaces where he was given room to be so.

Richie was in almost all of them, patient and unintrusive—just there���and Eddie wanted to splash him. He wanted to push him down into the clean bathwater and kiss the soap off his mouth. He wanted to kiss him even when he didn’t taste like soap. Especially then. Sloppy on the couch, open on his unmade bed. He wanted to order pizza and eat it over the sheets, with some R-rated horror flick on in the background, as Richie adjusted and readjusted himself into less comfortable positions.

Richie smiled curiously across from him when he didn’t respond, and Eddie realized that Richie would let him do all of these things, if he wanted. And maybe that was just as good as drowning.

[logi1974]

https://www.sanparks.org/about/news/default.php?id=58491

Media Release: Access for Day Visitors during the 2021 Festive Season

15 December 2021

To ensure a safe and pleasant stay in the Park, South African National Parks (SANParks) would like to urge visitors to the Kruger National Park (KNP) to book in advance and to observe the rules of the Park over the festive season; starting from Wednesday, 15 December 2021 until Tuesday, 11 January 2022. Day Visitors are reminded that daily quotas will once again apply at the entrance gates and there are three timeslots for pre-bookings to be made prior to arrival; which they can choose from as follows:

Time slot 1: 05:30 to 07:30

Time slot 2: 07:30 to 09:30

Time slot 3: 09:30 onwards

“For busy periods such as the festive season, we aim to better manage the volumes that we expect, as well as our visitors’ expectations. The three different time slots are aimed at improving the spread of vehicles and preventing unnecessary waiting periods at gates. The Day Visitor Quota for the Park is a management tool to prevent overcrowding the roads and facilities; it is applied throughout the year although we mostly reach carrying capacity during long weekends and school holidays resulting in us having to turn visitors away”, said the KNP’s GM: Communications and Marketing, Ike Phaahla.

Pre-booked day visitors will get preference over non-booked day visitors at the gate but must ensure that they arrive within their booked time slots. Arriving outside the booked time slot, will be regarded as non-booked and therefore will not receive preference and could be turned away. These bookings can be changed as well through SANParks Reservations offices if need be.

It is also important to continue to obey the current COVID-19 protocols of wearing masks in public, social distancing adherence and sanitising our hands as screening will continue to be done at entrance gates. The Park has made plans for increased visibility of both traffic officials and visitor management personnel to monitor speeding, after-hours travelling and general behaviour on the roads.

“Alcohol consumption by Day Visitors is strictly prohibited at all leisure sites such as Swimming Pools and Picnic Spots. Proper searches will be conducted by security at all main gates to ensure that no contents of any toxic substance are taken into the park. Management is urging visitors to cooperate with officials who will be on duty and to report unbecoming behaviour to the gate officials or call the emergency call centre number on the entry permits”, advised Phaahla.

Visitors are also urged to help keep the Park clean by disposing of their litter at designated areas, not alighting from vehicles on undesignated areas, not speed, and adhering to all rules and regulations as stipulated on the gate permit. Visitors are urged to be courteous and cooperative at sightings to avoid inconveniencing other road users. Please plan your trip carefully, allowing sufficient time to enjoy the bush and to get to your destination. Gate operating hours will be from 05:30 to 18:30 around December and January.

Visitors should also take note of the following important information:

Visitors will be able to book up to 80% of Day Visitor Quota per gate via SANParks Reservations offices on 012 428 9111 and online at https://www.sanparks.org/bookings/.

Day Visitor pre-bookings are subject to a non-refundable booking fee of R48 per adult and R24 per child.

Day Visitors who have pre-booked will still be required to pay Conservation Fees or use a valid Wild Card to enter the Park. The Conservation Fee for SA residents as well as Zimbabwe and Mocambique nationals (passport required to prove this) is R110 per adult and R55 per child (between ages 2 - 11). For nationals of Eswatini and other SADC countries, the conservation fees are R220 per adult and R110 per child. For all other guests, the standard conservation fees of R440 for adults and R220 for children applies.

Guests planning to use Wild Cards are requested to ensure the membership is valid before arrival and this can best be done online at https://www.sanparks.org/wild_new/. Guests using Wild Card need to also produce their ID and valid Wild Card Membership Confirmation Letter.

The number and profile of persons (adults and children) on the reservation and actual persons arriving should correspond.

All guests (drivers and passengers) will be required to identify themselves upon admission (by producing a South African driver’s license, identity document or passport); please ensure you are in possession of one of these documents and have them ready.

Gate Quotas will be strictly applied and guests without pre-bookings could be denied entry if quotas are full.

[educationdiscourse]

The Age of Covid: Inaccessibility

Thrust into a pandemic, our society was forced to conceed its norms and habits in the name of health and safety. Educational institutions were no different and saw a sudden change in how, when, and where children were taught. With such an abrupt interruption, schools had little time to prepare their curriculum for a fully virtual delivery. This lack of preparation inevitably meant that many students got left behind and forgotten. How did we let these children fall through the cracks?

In every political discussion comes the topic of class and economic status. Education in and of itself is a political concept. Originally education was only available to those who had a high economic wealth and status in society. As societies and cultures developed, education became more and more accessible but it is still a privileged concept. Even in countries like Canada and the United States where education is government mandated for all children, some children still end up forgotten. In our modern society, and especially in the era of the Covid-19 pandemic, technology has come to the forefront of education curriculum. Most elementary and high school establishments require a certain level of technological aptitude as well as a stable access to a wide array of technology including laptops, phones, televisions, and a reliable internet connection. Technology is an expensive investment of which not every family has the capacity to participate. This means that children who come from low-income families are already at a significant disadvantage to their peers. During the shut-down, students were forced into online classes which in turn meant that only families who had the means to provide the technology could attend. The students who did not have access could no longer attend class with their peers and receive instruction from their teacher. This creates a large divide between economic classes and creates a privileged access to education. At last, this event caused many children to seriously lag behind their peers in their academic work.

Furthermore, the assumption that every child’s parent[s] can afford to stay home with their child all day for over a year is exceptionally harmful. While most jobs were shut-down at the same time schools moved online, many “essential jobs” were still working as usual. For middle and upper class families this change was but a blip in their day to day lives, however, for lower class families this meant that at least one parent would need to leave their job for undesignated amount of time to attend their child’s lectures every day. Many lower class families already struggle financially while working full-time jobs. The belief that every family had the means to just up and leave their employment left many families scrambling to find arrangements to allow their child to attend their classes. Finally, this disruption meant that those who could make arrangements scraped their way through while those who simply couldn’t afford the sacrifice were left behind. All of this meant a significant detriment to the children’s education yet left no lasting impact on the education system as they barely batted an eye at the predicament. 

Another factor that was scarcely taken into consideration were learning difficulties as well as other differently abled youth. As the years go on, students diagnosed with an array of conditions that impair their ability to learn increases. These conditions can include dyslexia and autism, but the most prominent of all, ADHD. Students with ADHD struggle to focus and sit in place. This means that their attention is constantly shifting and they are demonstrating physical signs of restlessness. This can often lead to disruptive behaviour in the classroom. With an online education format, this struggle only increases further. Now students are surrounded by an unlimited supply of distractions which creates an environment that is almost impossible to focus in. The truth is, children are not biologically made to sit still, but this inability becomes a further predicament for children with a diagnosis like ADHD. During online courses, many children with ADHD would prove to be disruptive and virtually unteachable because of their lack of focus. This means that they are often reprimanded or simply ignored by teachers who wish to continue with their lesson. This ignorance leaves these children ignored and left behind for behaviours they cannot control. 

All in all, while the world reeled in the sudden collapse of life as we knew it, children paid the ultimate price and only time will tell the damage imprinted on their development. 

[alivehahahafuck]

Things We Become In The Dark

Chapter 2 The Doctor

They arrived at the Capitol Event Center slightly on the early side, which suited both August and Elliot, because this kind of thing gets on their nerves. As they approached the seemingly abandoned building they saw that there was an open set of double doors off to the side a little ways away, but still adjacent to the entrance. There was an attendant in a grey pantsuit next to the doorway carrying a clipboard. Her grey pantsuit was the same color as August’s dress. It’s the grey that they make all of the Assignees wear to the Assignment, it’s supposed to symbolize how everybody is equal and undesignated, until they get their job and their colors. August was pretty sure it was a way to repress people and make them love their jobs too much, so they are content and don’t rebel. But, honestly, if it works, August was happy and decided to go along with it. 

The unnamed attendant waved the Braxton’s over, and they obediently followed, more than happy to have somewhere to go and something to do, as opposed to just milling around in such open spaces. Sontharian’s naturally don’t like open spaces. Gives them a weird feeling on their back. That’s just what happens when your entire life is underwater. The lady got August signed in on her LightPad. Now all she had to do was head inside and wait. 

Inside, it was essentially empty, with the exception of random workers hustling about making last minute adjustments to things, trying to get the place ready. There were a few other Assignees floating around, mostly standing by themselves awkwardly. There were two people who had drifted a little too close together and were forced to make polite, but very awkward and forced, conversation. There was one girl who stood out from the rest.

She was this blonde girl, who looked a little nervous. Not nervous in the same way that everybody else was nervous, it was more like her resting facial expression and general temperament was ‘drowning in anxiety’. August couldn’t blame her, seeing as how she herself has a resting face that scared people away. But it wasn’t just that she seemed scared. She appeared to be at least two years younger than everybody else, which indicated to August that she shouldn’t be here. But at the same time, all the workers who were scurrying by nodded at her and smiled, seeming to not have any sort of problem with her presence. 

Subconsciously, August started slowly migrating towards the scared girl, trying to observe her more carefully and figure out what she was doing here. The more she stared at her, the more she realized that the girl was not at all nervous about being here. She acted like she was supposed to be here, among the hustle and bustle. Her nervous expression seemed to be the overflow of the constant thoughts that were running behind her eyes, as if she was thinking about every possible scenario of what could go wrong, and what could succeed.

It didn’t take long until August’s wanderings brought her face to face with the girl, who has acknowledged her presence but didn’t say anything, or diert any attention from her mental simulations to her. Feeling very awkward about the fact that she was standing three feet away from a girl she walked up to, and still hadn't said anything, August opened her mouth hoping her brain would spit out the appropriate words. 

Unfortunately, August was still focusing too much on what the actual hell the girl could be thinking of, and why didn’t she say anything first, that August’s brain more vomited the words out in an incoherent mess. “Hi, umm, I was just wondering, not to sound rude, sorry if I’m coming across rude, some people think I’m an anti-social bitch, well, not that they’re totally wrong. Ha! Actually, they’re kind of right, I really don’t enjoy social functions. Anyways, I’m sorry, I was wondering, again, not to sound rude, exactly what you’re doing here? I couldn’t help but notice that you seem significantly younger than everybody else, also, the workers seem to know who you are and you don’t seem to be nervous about everything like the rest of us…”. August didn’t end up finishing her ramblings with a complete thought, she just left her confusion out in the air. 

Thankfully, the girl didn’t seem to mind, and her lips broke into a timid but amused smile. “My presence here is just a formality. I already know my assignment, I’ve already been working for a year. I’m a rising surgeon in the public hospital system, I mostly do sutures and stupid stuff like that because for legal reasons I cant perform actual surgeries yet. But I’m consulted on a lot, if not all, difficult and bizarre cases,” she replied.

“Oh.” August let the noise out softly, with her lips still pursed into a little “o” shape, hanging on the edge of the next few words. “So you’re a child genius?” she asked, great that’s not intimidating. The girl chuckled softly, looking down momentarily and blushing a bit, a little bit more on her left cheek than on her right.

“That’s a generous way of looking at it,” she replied, “I have an aptitude for medical sciences…”, she trailed off wondering if she should continue, but the girl felt oddly and comfortable around August despite this being the first time they've met. However, despite the sudden trust, the girl got softer and sounded a bit more unsteady, “I can see the entire human body in my mind… every muscle, every nerve, where every last vein and artery should be.” That explained what she was distracted by, probably running through problems and solutions for the human body, all in her brain, “That, and I’m a natural problem solver. Between the two of those I’ve gotten pretty good at fixing all bodily problems: surgery, physical therapy, treating diseases.” Seeing August's look of surprise and inferiority the girl added, “Of course all blessings come with a curse… That’s about all I’m good at. I can’t fathom the mental aspect of humans,” She was still looking into August’s eyes, and August could see the sudden shift from poise and professionalism into unsurety and desperation, “emotions are so hard to predict and control. You never know what a human can do next. I can fix any external pain a human can feel. I can fix any problem. But I can’t fix what’s going on inside their brain, I can’t know what anybody is going to do next, and I don’t know how to fix it..” she trailed off, and August felt bad to see such a young girl have such a dark look in her eyes. 

Trying to lighten the mood, August tried to keep the discussion moving in a more positive direction. “Well that’s fine. Nobody’s perfect at everything. And I’m more than positive you have other skills to make up for it. I mean, apart from the fact that you’re a medical prodigy, I’m sure you have an affinity for other academic subjects too. History doesn’t change, I’m sure you have no problem memorizing dates and events!” she said, realizing she was slipping into the same tone of voice she used around Elliot.

“Actually,” she said, raising her eyes to look up at August, “I’ve never taken any other subjects. I’ve been taught math, biology, chemistry, biochemistry, human physiology, the list goes on. But the Counsel realized very early on in my life that I had the strongest aptitude for medicine that they have ever seen. They paid for me to be sent to the best medical institutions from a very young age, and they never taught me anything else other than what would apply to my job,” Upon seeing August’s confusion and disbelief that the Counsel could be so stupid and restricting on such a young girl, “It’s like how after Assignment, you only get training for the field you’ve been assigned to. The difference being They gave me my Assignment when I was 10. So I’ve taken ‘all of the subjects’, but only to the leel a ten year old would know.”

“Wait. Pardon my speech, but what the actual flying fuck? For the love of Quarre, who does that to a kid! Ten years old?!? And they constricted you to learning what 18 year olds would learn?!?

Wait. If you were 10 when you started.. That’ll mean you’ll be a full fledged doctor when you turn 18, the same time that kids your age will be starting their medical education…” August trailed off and now it was her turn to have her eyes zone out as she got lost in her own alarming thoughts, only to be interrupted by the young girl.

“Yes, it’s unfortunate, but ultimately beneficial. Younger children have an amazing capacity to pick up information at a faster rate and deeper understanding than we give them credit for.

They have such an educational advantage, in fact, that I will complete my learning two years earlier, when I turn 16. Meaning that if things continue the same way that they have, I’ll be a head surgeon by the time I turn 20, and I will be the most accomplished young doctor on the whole planet. My advisor likes to build me up and say that I’ll be the best in the entire Jurian System; but I doubt I’ll even be the best on Sonthar by the time I’m 20. But I will be the best at some point,” she said confidently, “....once everyone who is more experienced than me dies of old age” se clarified under her breath.

“Wow.” August just stared at the young blonde girl who talked more professionally and matter of fact-ly than most adults she knew. “So… child prodigy, huh? Does “child prodigy” have a name, so I can start placing bets on you well in advance, and make a shit ton of money?” August didn’t feel bad about swearing in front of her anymore, seeing as how her age was clearly only an indication of her body's physical boundaries.

“Oh. Yes. Sorry.” She blushed a bit, almost being embarrassed she didn’t introduce herself earlier on in the conversation, “I’m Katarina. Katarina Fox.” she said whilst holding her pale hand out. 

“August Braxton,” she introduced herself, extending her hand back at Katarina for a friendly shake. Although at this point, August wanted to pull her into a tight hug and stroke her hair like she would for Elliot, because this poor girl seemed to have even more worries, pressures, and anxieties than Elliot. Nevertheless, she shook her hand, “Nice to meet you, Dr. Fox” she said with a bit of a coy smile.

As August was shaking Katarina’s hand, she realized that Katarina’s pale pure white skin was different from her own. August’s skin looked as if the blood underneath was metallic and grey. Katarina’s on the other hand (ehh, get it), looked as though her blood was a silver iridescent lava that shone through the paleness of her skin.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” August inquired, “but what race are you? Your skin seems to glow and have a hidden color and life to it. I’ve never seen anything like it before.” Even though she was addressing Katarina, she might as well have been addressing the hand itself because her eyes were still entranced in her iridescent shimmer. She realized her impoliteness and forced herself to look at Katarina’s face, and noticed that now she was aware of the iridescence, she couldn’t unsee it. Her face was dewy with a slight internal shimmer, and her blushing cheeks were a collection of the pink and purple iridescent bits that were typically more dispersed with the rest of the silver. Her eyes were a pale icy blue, but something also shifted behind her eyes, like translucent pools of a dark blue swirling around in her eyes.

August’s trance was broken when the Doctor interrupted her with her answer once again. “Oh yes, right,” she blushed a little bit again, still getting embarrassed by forgetting little formalities. “I’m from pod Sol-.”

“Holy shit, you’ve seen the sun?” Everything was clicking into place for August, of course, she has the Sonthar tan, duhhhh, of course she’s from Sol “Wait.” She came upon another realization, “If you’re from Sol, what the hell are you doing in Dal?” The confusion of August’s face was soon replaced with stunned horror, “...how long have you been in Dal?...” with every passing word her blood began to boil and her words were spit with her disgust. “Did they take you away from your family when you were TEN!?!” 

August understood the pain of being young and having an older sibling taken away from you, that might happen to Elliot at the end of today. But to have a child taken away from their family and brought to a completely unfamiliar place.... “My parents separated when I was nine,” Katarina explained, “When I was put into the family relocation facility, they had to run a bunch of testing to fill out the adoption forms. Families want to know a child’s abilities and qualifications before they take them in.” August hadn't known that about the system. That’s sick! Why is it once I have to start working for these people I realize exactly how immoral and cruel they are? Katarina continued despite August’s horror, “That’s when they realized my gift. They ran more intense testing to see my limits, and sent me to live with a family who had been trying for a child for years. I stayed with them for a few months while the Science Executives filled out forms and convinced the Counsel that they should be allowed to take a ten year old away from their family.

“Obviously, they won their argument and I was taken away from my adoptive family two days after my tenth birthday.” Before August could interject with her disgust and fury, the workers called over the loudspeaker that all of the Assignees need to line up in two lines, male and female, by last name. When August turned around to line up, she realized that she was so invested in what the Doctor was saying that she didn’t realize that the room had become filled with seventeen and eighteen year olds. August and Katarina said their farewells and went to line up. 

[maurtheblack]

Dear Creator letter for MCU Spaceships

Under the cut.

Thank you for writing for me! My requests are in loose groups - due to this a couple of them appear more than once. Any prompts/suggestions from either group or a combination are fine for those. 

Group 1 - Valkyrie ships.

Valkyrie’s old. Old as balls. She’s been on Sakaar where time runs strangely, sure, but it’s still been a long time for her. Judging by the Sif stuff in the first movie, and Thor mentioning wanting to be a Valkyrie, she’s practically a cryptid to the Asgardians. How does this come out in her interactions with other Asgardians? How much have Asgardians customs changed since her time? Does she want to be an Asgardian again, and form relationships - platonic and romantic and familial - with them, or does she want to just bounce and set up on Earth as a bounty hunter and get an Earth girlfriend? Going back into earlier in the canon, did Carol ever meet her in her space travels, before or after becoming Captain Marvel? Going AU, what if Valkyrie landed on Jane’s research instead of Thor? We don’t have a canon age for Frigga, so it’s very possible they knew each other back in the day. Perhaps Frigga was once a valkyrie, or Valkyrie was Frigga’s favoured knight once upon a time. I’d love worldbuilding around the valkyries and their place in Asgardian society and history and myth.How does Valkyrie feel about the Asgard she knew being forever lost? Instead of coming back to Asgard, Asgard has come to her, homeless space vagabonds. She’s got to have a lot of feelings about that. She, Loki and Thor agreed to bring about Ragnarok - how do they feel about that? Did they fail or succeed? How does the galaxy at large respond to the fall of Asgard - and are its princes targets for Asgard’s enemies and victims? What are the Jotun up to right now, for instance?

Group 2 - Carol ships.

Carol has a lot of identity stuff going on, and I’d love to see how she’s dealing with that, how she’s reconciling who she was with who she was after that and who she is now. Did she have the same habits and quirks and wants as Vers and Carol? Or did she like different things and behave differently? How is that playing out in her interactions with others? Is she lonely, out in space with no one from either of her old lives? This is the first time she’s had a chance to miss Monica and Maria, and know Maria is growing up and Monica growing old without her. Do the Skrulls ever guise themselves as people she knows for a moment’s comfort, or would that be too painful? How does Carol fit in with a Skrull society? How do they handle it when the Skrulls can fit neatly into any society and Carol’s a sore thumb? How does Carol feel about what she did as a Kree - she was lied to, yes, but did she never suspect? How much did she close her eyes to that she realises now were warning signs? How do the Skrulls feel about this? And then there’s her return to Earth - she’s returning to a very different world, and like Valkyrie, she’s got to have a lot of feelings about her absence. How will she interact with Jane, who presumably endured everything that happened on Earth? And for that matter, what IS going on with Jane? She briefly embodied one of the Infinity Stones, same as Carol. Perhaps they’re drawn to each other. Perhaps Jane wants to study Carol. We don’t have much about Mar-Vell, but she’s a super interesting character. I’m not very interested in the period where Carol believes she’s human, but I’d be very interested in an AU where her alienness emerges early on and Carol has to deal. Also an AU where Mar-Vell lives - perhaps she takes empowered Carol and goes on the lam, or perhaps they’re both captured. 

Group 3 - Nebula Ships

Nebula’s fantastic. I love how strange she is. I wonder how strange she’d be to her own people, and how much like them she is? Was she originally blue, as Gamora was green - or not? Did she ever have hair, and does she miss it? Did she always have a healing factor, and Thanos worked with that? Are all her people a little awkward and abrupt by human standards? The dynamic between Gamora and Nebula is really interesting, and the differences and similarities in how they reacted to Thanos’ raising. One of my favourite moments in GotG is when, after it seems they’d been setting up a conflict between Loyal Daughter and Rebel Daughter, Nebula reveals she is only waiting for her chance to turn on Thanos. Did Gamora and Nebula know that about each other? Did they ever keep each other’s secrets? I’d really like to see what a happy ending for those two crazy kids would look like, or in the angstier vein, something about their power struggles when they served Thanos. Nebula and Jane - like all the Jane ships here, Jane will be interested in space, and I think Nebula would find it unusual, that Jane is interested in her not because of the quality of being Thanos’ daughter, but for the very ordinary (to her) quality of being a space adventurer. And Jane is so civilian - she’s not a physical fighter at all. (yet!) Nebula might be fascinated by a body so undesigned. Thor and Nebula haven’t interacted much, but I think Nebula’s vague similarities to Loki could attract Thor’s interest, and Nebula could be interested by someone who grew up with so little trauma and pain, and was damaged so badly by it. As for Nebula and Rocket, they have SO much in common. If you’re not into the hot raccoon action I’d be just as into them becoming besties and forming an alliance of moral expediency against the Guardians.

Group 4 - Frigga ships

I wanted way more of Frigga. We know so little about her! How long have she and Odin been married? Canonically, there’s no indication she’s actually Hela’s mother, which is interesting. (I am not really into cross-generational incest so I hope it’s okay to write them as not mother and daughter - if you only matched on this ship and you only like it as an incest ship I can cope but would prefer no explicit porn and no underage.) So is Frigga a second wife, or did Odin maintain a harem, or cheat, or did Hela leap from his brain like Athena? Is she as old as Odin? For Hela and Valkyrie, we can go back into the past and have them know each other; perhaps there was a queen-favoured warrior dynamic, or perhaps pre-marriage Frigga was a Valkyrie and fought under Hela’s command. (After all, with Hela’s banishment it would be natural for Odin to seek a wife for more children... and Frigga would, with either pairing, have lost her love. For Frigga/Jane, I just think they’d be cute together once they got over the weirdness of stealing your son’s girl. Or perhaps by Asgardian customs the ladies of the family all entertain each other while the menfolk are off doing terrible acts of war.

Group 5 - Fury/Talos

They were just cute and funny, great buddy dynamic.All I really ask is you don’t devalue Talos’ relationship with Soren. Have Skrulls non-monogamous or something, or she gets divine inspiration and joins an exclusive order of celibate warrior-monks that mean she and Talos must regretfully part with love, that’s fine, I’ll be very forgiving of handwaves. Adding her to the ship also totally fine. 

Prompts of things I’d like to see, or just go nuts based on the above comments.

Valkyrie/Thor/Loki: fake relationship. For whatever reason they have to go undercover as an aristocrat and her two husbands/harem boys/whatever.

Valkyrie/Heimdall: Heimdall saw everything in Asgard. He’s the best person to tell her what it was like. And she can tell him what it was like in her day. What sort of Asgard would they like to build?

Valkyrie/Frigga: Maybe Ragnarok wasn’t the first time someone found Valkyrie. Frigga goes to Sakaar looking for something lost, and while negotiating the Grandmaster’s erratic court, she finds a valkyrie.

Valkyrie/Jane: due to Reality Stone nonsense or a Bifrost mishap, Jane lands on Sakaar and is collected by Valkyrie. The Grandmaster doesn’t know exactly what’s going on with her, but she’s clearly possessed of massive power, so it’s gladiatorial training for her. Valkyrie has to teach her some self-preservation skills - perhaps it’ll reflect badly on her if Jane gets stomped first fight - and Jane needs to get control over this cosmic power if she’s to have any hope of long term survival and returning home. And the Dark Elves are still looking for her...

Valkyrie/Carol: Sparring. Carol is used to sparring with Yonn-Rogg, who always tells her to rein in her power, show better control, don’t get carried away. Valkyrie, on the other hand, spars with the Hulk. Valkyrie showing Carol it’s all right to let loose, and that she can take anything Carol’s got.

Carol/Jane: I would love some classic identity porn with Carol, Jane and Mighty Thor. Perhaps Carol is besotted with this gorgeous warrior and irritated by Dr Foster’s constant requests to interview and analyse her. Perhaps she resents this new Thor for taking on her friend’s role, but has a soft spot for that beautiful scientist. Perhaps she thinks they’re both super hot and is trying really hard to orchestrate a threesome. (Bedroom farce based on this would be amazing.) Or maybe she hates them both until events, etc.

Carol/Soren/Talos: Carol and Soren and Talos are posing as a married couple. Keyword: couple. Carol is never sure who’s holding hands with her and who’s off breaking into secret government offices. Are they both flirting with her, or only one of them? Can end up threesome, or either pairing, but as stated above please do not devalue the Talos/Soren relationship.

Carol/Mar-Vell: Vers is living a perfectly normal Kree warrior life when some lunatic woman kidnaps her and drags her off in a spaceship, telling her wild stories about her *real* past. Mar-Vell has only just managed to escape custody, and after years of mentally wresting the Supreme Intelligence, she’s kind of poorly adjusted. She knows she can’t leave Carol behind when she escapes, though.

Gamora/Loki/Nebula: Thanos sends Gamora (or Nebula) with Loki to subjugate Earth. Gamora (or Nebula) takes the chance to get an Infinity Stone out of Thanos’ hands (or get revenge on Thanos), and either persuades or forces Loki to go on the lam. Nebula (or Gamora) is sent in pursuit, and Loki and Gamora (or Nebula) have to persuade her to join them.

Nebula/Jane:Jane has to go do uhhh urgent science somewhere off planet. Or maybe she’s the first human delegate at an interstellar conference. They’re going to send Gamora as her guide and bodyguard, but due to a hilarious misunderstanding Gamora is in space jail or bodyswapped with Rocket or glued to Drax. Nebula offers to take her place, and somehow no one realises what a terrible idea this is. So off they road trip. Nebula has no idea what “dangerous” is and Jane has no idea that Nebula has no idea what “dangerous” is. So they careen from disaster to disaster, Nebula causes carnage, Jane has a lovely time and has no idea how close to death she is at any given moment.

Gamora/Nebula: between the movies. Gamora wants to find Nebula; sometimes, Nebula wants to be found. Perhaps she just wants Gamora to keep looking.

Nebula/Thor: <em> and this is the map of my heart, the landscape after cruelty which is, of course, a garden, which is. a tenderness, which is a room, a lover saying Hold me tight, it's getting cold</em> Nebula is a person who has done terrible, brutal things, and she’s betrayed her sister more than once. Thor wants to know how she’s living with herself. The answer is badly. Thor decides that maybe they can be siblings to each other, and help each other heal. He eventually decides that dropping the siblings thing is best, what with all the sex they’re having.

Nebula/Rocket: <em>There ain’t nothing like me, but me</em> As morally bankrupt lab experiments, the two of them have a lot in common. Put them in circumstances where they have to feign moral competence, heroism, or being good at  interaction - perhaps their friends are being held prisoner by a rigidly honourable alien race and they have to diplomacy them out? Perhaps they’ve been stranded on a lawless world and are pretending to be Asgardian warriors to diminish the chances of being ganked? They accidentally get custody of a small child and have to set a good example because if they return the child tattooed and with a prison record they’ll probably be executed? Trying to see them work out proper behaviour from first principles could be deeply hilarious, or kinda sad.

Frigga/Hela: Frigga was always meant to be Queen of Asgard. She just thought it would be when Hela took the throne. Frigga and Hela as battle wives, or perhaps Frigga’s a diplomat who Hela courts. Maybe Odin arranges their marriage.

Jane/Frigga: instead of Thor being banished, it’s Frigga. Perhaps she forcibly objects to Odin banishing her son, and he sends her instead. Perhaps she protest some other Odin-y thing. Anyway, Jane finds her instead of Thor, and is just as charmed. Will Frigga prove her worthiness? Does she even want to?

Nick Fury/Talos: Talos would like to be sworn warrior brothers with Fury. There are traditional rituals. Fury is touched and honoured. The rituals turn out to involve sex. Why, what do sworn warrior brothers do on Earth? 

[basicsofislam]

ISLAM 101: The Basic Concepts of Islam: Part 6

The Concept of the Universe

In the foreword, we briefly discussed the position of the Muslims and the future of Islam in Western Hemisphere. In this part, we shall discuss the position of man in the contemporary world, the general human situation, and the Islamic concept of the universe or world view. This will reaffirm the concepts that have already been discussed, add some new ideas, and tie together the various dimensions of the subject in a summary recapitulatory fashion. The present human situation is alarming, to say the least. It demands concern and active response on the part of all people of good will and God – mindedness. But this does not, and should not, lead to despair or resignation. The spirit of hope is, and has always been, an integral part of Islam (see, e. g., Quran 12:87; 65:3) The problems and crises of modern times are not entirely unique or peculiar. It is true that they are difficult, complex, and agonizing. Perhaps this is even more so now than ever before. But the difference, however, between this age and those of yester centuries is basically a difference of degree rather than of kind. The ever-increasing complexity of our contemporary predicaments may be largely due to a similar, proportionate rise in our expectations and capacities. For many centuries and in numerous regions of the globe, the chief source of the most difficult crises has essentially been a kind of inflexible, exclusive, and intolerant attitude toward the unfamiliar, the different, and the foreign. This orientation fostered racism, elitism, bigotry, prejudice, and a whole host of other equally distasteful attitudes. Few people can really deny that humanity is facing an unusual crisis. This present human crisis seems to emanate from a serious imbalance between our external, outward, material explorations and our internal, inward, moral gropings. Nothing is simpler than calling for the maintenance of equilibrium, advocating a middle range, or crusading for the golden means. Yet nothing has been harder to attain. In the past, utterances such as man cannot live by bread alone were sometimes so distorted as to connote disregard for man’s material welfare. Similarly, trust in God has been misunderstood; it is often taken to mean helpless fatalism or categorical denial of human free will and self-realization. An overemphasis on spirituality and resignation is bound to give rise to a counter emphasis on materialism, rationalism, free will, and so on. Stressed beyond certain limits, spirituality may become superstition and confusion. Likewise, counter stress may turn materialism into laxity, free will into libertinism, and rationalism into sheer vanity. The intellectual history of the last few centuries demonstrates these tendencies only too well. Over the years of recent decades, the spiritual scale tipped up and down. In the sixties, and now in the seventies, the news-making events are those of the unsurpassed, unprecedented, outer space explorations. Equally sensational are the unprecedented explorations in the inward, internal realms of being, however faddish, cultic, or neurotic they may seem to be. The rise of these two unprecedented and unbalanced types of exploration is exceptionally alarming. The reason probably lies in the fact that the two types do not seem to relate to each other, let alone converge. There is no apparent reciprocity, mutual reinforcement, or cross-fertilization. Besides, their precarious, unbalanced existence is a constant threat to the majority of people. It may very well drive them into ambivalence and confusion which may, in turn, intensify the problems of society and harden the lot of modern men. But such a precarious course can be changed if the outward scientific explorations and the inward moral gropings are somehow reconciled. Man does not live by bread alone. That is true enough. But neither does he live by prayers only. He is both a political or materialistic animal and a religious explorer of the holy. As already mentioned, the contemporary world is clearly baffled by numerous problems. But it is equally baffled by the conflicting diagnoses and prescriptions to cope with these problems. Some people sing along with the popular lyric, what the world needs now is love etc. Some call for a human rebirth. Others turn to Marxism, Humanism, Satanism, or Scientism as the ultimate solution. Still, more are awaiting the arrival of some future Savior. Yet this long list does not even include the indifferent, the hopeless, and the apathetic who may, in fact, outnumber the optimist clubs combined. But it seems that the greatest need today is the pressing need for "understanding." What man needs most of all is to understand himself and his nature, his potentials and limitations, his place in the universe and relationships with its elements. The question now is how can Islam help man to understand himself, unclog his mind, and clear his blurred vision? To try an answer to this question, it will be necessary to keep in mind the basic concepts of Islam which have been discussed and to elaborate further some elements of its value system. This analysis will hopefully show how they may relate to modern man in his contemporary predicament, and how they may help him to find his way through. The principle of moderation is most characteristic of Islam. It is probably best expressed in the way Islam views human nature, the meaning of life, and the idea of God. Islam does not subscribe to the one-sided humanistic philosophy, which almost deifies man and recognizes nothing beyond. Neither does Islam endorse the equally one-sided verdict that human nature is inherently vicious, wicked, or sinful, Islam rejects the idea that life is nasty, brutal, short, and miserable. But it equally rejects the idea that life is an end in itself, pleasurable, and carefree. Islam does give life a positive meaning, a purpose. It would devalue life on earth only relative to the Hereafter. It is not concerned exclusively with the here and now, the instant hedonism, and the immediate pleasures. Nor does it completely bypass the here and now in pursuit of a future paradise in a hereafter. It addresses itself to both the human condition here on earth and the human destiny in the Hereafter. Such concern is, of course, proportionate; it values each phase of existence according to its relative effect on the general well-being of man (Quran 7:33; 17:18-21; 28:77; 57:20-21). In the Quran, there is a passage (2: 27-39) which is typical of so many others. This passage contains some of the fundamental principles of Islam and represents the foundations of the world view of Islam. Outstanding among these principles are the following: 1. The world is a becoming entity, created by the will of a Designer and sustained by Him for meaningful purposes. Historical currents take place in accordance with His will and follow established laws. They are not directed by blind chance, nor are they random and disorderly incidents. 

2. Man also is created by God and is commissioned to be Gods viceroy on earth. He is so chosen to cultivate the land and enrich life with knowledge, virtue, purpose, and meaning. And to achieve this goal, everything in the earth and the heavens are created for him and is made subservient to him. Life on this planet is not a prison for man; his coming into the world was not an arbitrary punishment for previously committed sins. Nor was he expelled from another world and cast out into this one. His existence was no mere chance or undesigned occurrence.

3. Knowledge is the unique faculty of man and is an integral part of his personality and his being. It is the knowledge that qualifies a man to be the viceroy of his Creator and entitles him to command the respect and allegiance even of the angels of God.

4. The first phase of life on earth began not in sin or rebellion against the Creator. The Fall from the Garden of Eden and what followed thereafter – the remorse of Adam and Eve, their repentance, God’s forgiveness of and compassion for them, the enmity between man and Satan – all this was no surprise to the Creator. Nor was it an accident in the course of events. It was too meaningful to be accidental. Rather, it seems to have been designed to discipline the first man, to give him an actual experience of fall and rise, moral defeat and triumph, straying from and reconciliation with the Creator. In this way, man would become better prepared for life and more enlightened to face its uncertainties and trying moments.

5. Eve was not the weaker party of the first human couple. She neither tempted Adam to eat of the forbidden tree nor was she alone responsible for the expulsion from the Garden of Eden. Both Adam and Eve were equally tempted and equally responsible; both were remorseful, repented, and were blessed with the forgiveness and compassion of God. This is significant as it liberates Eve from the curse that followed her and her sex throughout the ages, and acquits her of the charge that she alone bears all or most of the responsibility for the Fall. Furthermore, it declares in no uncertain terms that the belief in the moral inferiority of women is unfounded and the double standard is totally unjustifiable. Here, as elsewhere, the Quran makes it very clear that both man and women are equally capable of virtue and weakness, equally sensitive, and equally meritorious.

6. Man is a free agent endowed with a free will. This is the essence of his humanity and the basis of his responsibility to his Creator. Without man’s relative free will life would be meaningless and Gods covenant with man would be in vain. Without human free will, God would be defeating His own purpose and man would be completely incapable of bearing any responsibility. This, of course, is unthinkable.

7. Life emanates from God. It is neither eternal nor an end in itself, but a transitional phase, after which all shall return to the Creator.

8. Man is a responsible agent. But responsibility for sin is borne by the actual offender alone. Sin is not hereditary, transferable, or communal in nature. Every individual is responsible for his own deeds. And while man is susceptible to corruption, he is also capable of redemption and reform. This does not mean that Islam prefers the individual to the group. Individualism means little or nothing when severed from social context. What it means is that the individual has different sets of roles to play. He must play them in such a way as to guard his moral integrity, preserve his identity, observe the rights of God, and fulfill his social obligations.

9. Man is a dignified honorable being. His dignity derives from the fact that he is infused with the spirit of his Creator. What is more important is that such dignity is not confined to any special race, color, or class of people. It is the natural right of man, every man, the most honorable being on earth.

10. The passage, finally, points to the deep-seated roots of the Oneness of God and the unity of mankind. It shows, further, that man’s highest virtues are piety and knowledge, that when such knowledge is acquired and invested according to the divine guidance, man’s blissful destiny will be assured and his life will be serene.

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

The internet makes sense in metaphors. Superhighways, clouds, pages, links. Facebook is a town square. Wikipedia, a kind of brain. So what about 4chan, the imageboard site where users post just about anything, with anonymity and impunity? If you trust 4channers themselves, it’s the internet’s soul.

Well, that’s alarming.

4chan has never been a nice place. Most people don’t spend time there, but most people feel its effects, everything from fake news to doxing. Outsiders prefer different metaphors: Cesspool. Swamp. Sea of trolls.

There was a time, a couple of decades ago, when trolls didn’t really exist online—but communities of prototrolls were beginning to crawl out of the primordial ooze of the early web. One was a Japanese collective called Ayashii Warudo, sometimes translated as Nameless World, where users engaged in edgy, brazen banter and banded together to raid rival sites.

Across the Pacific, American geeks were eyeing their Japanese counterparts lustily. They fetishized everything about Japanese culture, not just video­games and samurai swords but manga and hentai (anime porn). Naturally, they found their way to places like Ayashii Warudo, and one enthusiast, a New Yorker named Christopher Poole, set out to create an English-language alternative. He ported over the ethos, populating the site with Japanese-style boards like /h/ (for hentai) and /y/ for yaoi (gay male hentai for a female audience). Announcing his creation’s existence in October 2003, Poole wrote: “regging [webspeak for registering] 4chan.net. brace for faggotry.” The tone was established.

Now the site is a .org, but other than that, little has changed. If you believe 4chan’s own reporting, the community is still mostly made up of young men interested in Japanese culture. (Though you’re supposed to be at least 18 to join, the mean age is presumed to be closer to 15—Poole’s age when he created it.) The design remains proudly undesigned. And because each message board is limited to 10 pages of posts, most messages get bumped off the server within a day, if not hours. It’s pretty much unusable for the uninitiated.

Not that you’d want to be there. The most popular boards on 4chan are typically /pol/, a place for what they say is “politically incorrect” (read: racism, misogyny, homophobia), and /b/, a nominally random board home to all the creepy porn and violent imagery banned from the rest of the site. Users are in it, they say, for the lulz. They make swatiskas trend on Google, tell Justin Bieber fans to self-harm, and leak celebrity nudes. And Gamergate, the smear campaign against female game developers? 4chan.

Indeed, nearly every evil of the internet begins, or picks up steam, on the site. To invoke yet another metaphor: It’s a breeding ground. (The fact that 4chan has been called so many things suggests a feeble attempt to make sense of chaos.) Many of the recruitment techniques of the so-called alt-right were piloted there; many white nationalists started out as 4channers. It’s unclear if or how one ages out of the site—but it is clear that it unleashes trolls on the real world.

That’s fairly well known these days. What’s less appreciated, however, is that 4chan has also given birth to good—or something like it. Consider Anonymous, the hacking collective that picks as its targets groups like Nazis and Scientologists. Also: Remember lolcats? Have you been Rickrolled? 4chan and 4chan. The site traffics heavily in exploitables—funny images begging for manipulation. Give that Pikachu a face!

There isn’t darkness without the light, it seems. So it’s probably fair to say 4channers are, at least a little bit, right: Their haven is the soul of the internet, the deep source of its sights and sounds, for worse and, occasionally, for better.

Yet this cannot last. At 15 years old, 4chan has reached adolescence. Up till now, trolls—children—have been in control. It’s not so funny anymore. After all, even the lost boys had to grow up.

it’s time to grow up, shitlords

[papermoonloveslucy]

PILL-POPPING LUCY

July 5, 1973

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. 

Lucille Ball has become a pill-popper, but not in the way you think.

"It's to grow bone marrow and build up the strength of my broken leg," said the actress-tycoon in the course of a lawn party for the TV press. "I have to take all kinds of pills six bone meal, six calcium, generous amounts of Vitamin A, B, C and E pills every day. They've not only helped my leg, but they've made me feel stronger and they've even helped my eyesight. 

"I also worked two and a half hours a day for four months on exercises before starting my new motion picture, 'Mame' (due out next Easter), and I must say the calisthenics and therapy helped me through my rigorous schedule - singing, dancing, etc. - without any problems."

As a matter of fact, my broken leg is now stronger than the other one, and I have to build that one up, too. And I was able to lose 10 pounds - which didn't hurt."

Lucille fractured her leg in a Colorado skiing accident a year and a half ago, but that did not prevent her from going through her 21st season of "Lucy" episodes - much of it with her limb in a cast. She'll be back and more active this year, of course but she has sworn off skiing. "Although I'll still go on ski tours," she added, "and my mother, who is 80, will be going with me." 

Conspicuous by their absence at the party were her two sprouts, Desi and Lucie, who were busy elsewhere. Luci, separated from her husband, Phil Vandervoort, was in Flint, Learn to be a Mich., playing Liza Minnelli's role in "Cabaret." Desi's activity was undesignated. Of Desi's busted romance with Liza, Miss Ball commented, "I'm glad it happened like this. I've known Liza since she was a little girl; Desi hasn't. It's hard to domesticate a dynamo. "

He was absolutely devastated for a while. But then he had a hot date with another girl - and I haven't seen him since." Liza has of course, since broken with Desi's successor Peter Sellers. ' 

For her 22d season on the air, Lucy will have such guests as Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme (opening show), Bill Holden, Danny Thomas, John Wayne, Andy Griffith, O.J. Simpson, Ed McMahon, Joan Rivers, Dick Sargent, Martin Milner, Gary Crosby - and "even, Desi Arnaz Jr., if he can find the time." (1)

This season marks the 50th year of performing for Gale Gordon, who plays her choleric brother-in-law in the show. "I began in 1923 as a member of the ensemble for $15 a week," he recalled, "and I got $10 extra for being actor Richard Bennett's dresser. I'd rather be Lucille Ball's dresser by a damn sight, but to tell you the truth, at my age I have trouble dressing myself." 

Making "Mame" kept Lucy busy six months between seasons, and she weathered those arduous dance routines and musical numbers in good shape. "Yes, I had to sing all my own songs." she said, "because no one else sounds like me." 

Her co-star in the production is another well known TV name, Beatrice Arthur of "Maude" fame, "and together we sound like two frogs in heat," she commented wryly. Lucille, too, began in the chorus - in "Rio Rita" at the age of 15 - but after a number of films and a year of radio in "My Favorite Husband," (2) she developed her "I Love Lucy" format with her then-husband, Desi Arnaz, and quickly became America's favorite comedienne. 

The show goes from year to year virtually unchanged "because people like something familiar on the tube," and rarely has she fallen out of the top 10 in the ratings. 

~~ The Boston (MA) Globe, July 5, 1973 

#   #   #

FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) Bill Holden did not end up guest-starring on season six of “Here’s Lucy.”  He may have been supposed to play the role played by Ed McMahon in “Lucy, the Wealthy Widow” (HL S6;E4), or perhaps the role played by Jackie Coogan in “Lucy’s Tenant” (HL S6;E7). Steve and Eydie Gorme were not in the opening show, but in the third episode, “Lucy The Peacemaker” (HL S6;E3), which aired on September 23, 1973.  Martin Milner was likely supposed to play one of the policeman (in a nod to “Adam-12″) in “Lucy Plays Cops and Robbers” (HL S6;E14).  Desi Jr. did not find the time to return to “Here’s Lucy” in season six. 

(2) Ball did more than a year of “My Favorite Husband”. The radio show’s pilot aired July 5, 1948. The series was broadcast for the last time on March 31, 1951.

[wildstrandsblog]

An Unconditional Love Story: Take Flight, Sisterhood

Issue: 1 - April 30, 2021

(Suggested Listening)

It was just over a year ago, March 2020. I was standing in my kitchen with Fernanda, the young Brazilian woman I had hired as our nanny a year and half earlier. The two of us were keeping to our routine, taking care of and teaching the children, cooking and cleaning, and connecting as human beings, but the charm of our circumstance had been waning for a few months by then. There was a lot happening in the world although I remained turned off from the news at large. The voice of energy from people around me said enough. It wasn’t good. Fernanda was scheduled to have some time off over her Spring Break. She had bought a ticket to Japan back in November on a whim and I was proud of her for taking a chance. God knows, I had taken flight on her with less notice. And I loved living vicariously through a young woman almost-thirty willing to explore a part of the world she hadn't seen and how that spontaneity had been some of the best times of my life.

Plans changed for the world wholly and completely, however, and I had seen it coming in a dream at the beginning of the new year in January. In the twilight hours, I had been woken up by a larger than normal ringing in my right ear. It was long and sustained. I lay still allowing my ear and mind to be open to it. It was big. Falling back asleep into a dream state: I lay in bed early in the morning and asked my husband to stay home from work. Having said, “No,” to previous requests, I was surprised when he granted me my wish. We lay there and I had him look out a large picture window in front of us and said, “Watch this,” to look at the beauty outside. As soon as I spoke those words, we watched an energy blast, like one coming off an atomic bomb, heavily shake the trees. There was a second wave bending the trees like I had never seen before, surprised they didn’t snap in half. And then there was a third strike that blew through the walls of our home without breaking them down, hitting me hard on the left side of my head. I thought I had died, too scared to open my eyes. When I eventually rid myself of the fear, I opened them to look outside and see many people, many of them people of color, fleeing for an undesignated border. They were being directed by a woman pointing her finger wearing an oversized, Revolutionary-era redcoat. I knew the people shouldn’t be following her; they were being led to their deaths. I asked my husband to get more information from the outside and to contact Fernanda so she wouldn’t run with the others. I would check on the kids to make sure they were okay from the blasts although I already knew they had slept right through. I woke up from this dream state to the conscious world and wrote down my very emotionally-driven dream in my journal and finished the entry with the word, “STAY.”

Fernanda came to us in the Summer of 2018 when I was pregnant with my third son. I hired her to start a month before my expected delivery date to give me some time to train her and provide a little time to get off my feet. I closed out that second Thursday happy with where we were at, ahead of schedule, seeing a light at the end of the tunnel where I could have my feet kicked up for a little bit. But the divine plan had things organized differently, changing around 10:15pm while our two and three year old sons were sleeping. My body was changing. Contractions had started and were sustained, getting quicker and stronger by the minute. This was it. We were going to have a baby.

My husband, in his deep care, started mildly hyper-ventilating having another baby three weeks early. I stepped in with my usual calm in high-risk situations and asked him to call his father to drive the hour-long trip in the middle of the night to be with our boys while they slept without his wife present, the real caregiver to our kids. The window for mine and the baby's safety got cut very close. We rushed to the hospital and I was admitted immediately. In my late night delirium fading in and out of consciousness from the pain, barely receiving an epidural, I saw my husband’s eyes telepathically communicate to me, “Do we tell them that you’re open?” I looked back at him and shook my head, “No,” partly out of a fear in knowing that the medical community would have no more answers for me, and probably more questions, and we didn’t have time to explain it. I also knew in my Heart of hearts that I shouldn’t be treated any differently. I simply had to trust myself that I could do it. I simply needed to keep my mind connected to the moment. Having my doctor and a midwife I had never met before stare at places few had ever seen, telling me how impressed they were with my delivery, we had our third son by 3am. I held off on texting my new nanny until later that morning. No need to disrupt her sleep, too. When I reached out to Fernanda before her scheduled morning arrival, I asked with tears welling up in my eyes if she could step in where I couldn’t, appreciating she take on the roll of caregiver she had just trained for. Simply and happily, she wrote back saying, “Of course! Congratulations!” It was a relief beyond what she could’ve known having my two children still at home in caring hands, gravity pulling tears down my cheeks while I held my newborn, thankful Bampa could get there when he did. I exhaled to let go of the inner momentum that had kept me going through it all, inundated with the emotion that carried me through each hurdling moment. I would later see how this moment would set the tone for the rest of Fernanda’s and my journey still to come.

“They couldn’t see I was banging on the inside of a bubble filling up with water and I wasn’t prepared to be the only one to break my little family out of it.”

Fernanda and I started out with bumps like stories of growth usually do. Fernanda was less than confident in her ability to speak English although I had no problem understanding her. I was having a hard time letting go of my previous routine but knew enough that I needed to step back and allow her to have the space to lead. I mentioned to Fernanda we were different from each other. She smiled in respectful agreement. We kept quiet most days, talking about the weather to fill up awkward silences. Things began to change in a car ride running errands with the kids. In between her keeping the kids entertained in the back of the minivan from the passenger seat, Fernanda opened up with some stories about herself. She started small. She was a twin. I was a twin. She was living far away from home catching a second wind in life at the same age I had done. She came to the United States dreaming of becoming a nurse having left a career behind back in Brazil. That said a lot to me. She played volleyball. I played volleyball. In these small moments, we began to form a trust and got into a gravity groove like two doubles volleyball players do, born to play.

Fernanda soon began to feel more confident in her work around the home and speaking English. She started sharing more and I soon learned how hilarious and fun she was, and how much she loved her family. She connected sharing colorful moments from Brazil, trusting me to guide her through the more difficult terrain in a foreign language with few stumbles. She told me the story of how her grandfather, with bad eyesight, was still driving his car and how her grandmother would risk life and limb to ride with him, telling him where to turn and when the traffic lights changed. She said it was a public service for the community with a big smile across her face. She also shared how every time the Pope was scheduled to give a public address, her grandmother would make it a single event, put on lipstick, close the door, and turn on the only television her grandparents owned. She’d yell at her husband anytime he tried to come into the room. Nothing was going to come between her and her love of the Pope. And Fernanda shared how her father, every time while driving, would have to sneeze so loudly with super force, much like my husband, but wouldn’t feel complete until he had slapped the car’s dashboard. In my mind’s eye, I could see his big Brazilian hand slapping it—dust flying, completing transmission. I was in utter hysterics from Fernanda’s stories, slapping my own knees, in love with the pictures she was painting for me about her days back in Brazil. It felt so good to laugh with her.

Fernanda was a beautiful escape that brought life and energy to my mornings when my nights were taken by the wakings of a newborn. To have a child, let alone a third in the span of three years, is an exhaustion beyond what I’ve experienced cramming for college exams, prepping lesson plans, or procrastinating on the next morning’s slideshow presentation. The feeling is more like having the Skeksis from the 1982 film, Dark Crystal, drain your living essence repeatedly throughout the day and night. It took every ounce of me to give, still recovering as a poorly educated and unaware Empath with fully activated Kundalini energy coursing from a second, harrowing, spiritual awakening that almost took my life in 2017, just a year before Fernanda’s arrival. For those more versed in the psychological and spiritual world, it can be described as achieving Oneness, Christ Consciousness, or totality. At a point in the very arduous, psychonautical journey over multiple days, which is an underwhelming description at best when being brought to your knees, I saw the veiled faces of God radiating light, Man and Woman, King and Queen, Father and Mother. He was Magnificent. She was the Most Beautiful. And like anyone getting struck by lightening on top of the tower, not expecting to be struck and surviving, the momentous surge of energy exited in a nutshell of overwhelming and spontaneous bliss that few women have achieved. Four months later, still in a state of disbelief over the whole of the experience, I unexpectedly got pregnant with my third son, failing at the duty to remember to take my daily birth control. The whole thing, in fact, was a hard pill to swallow. The act of giving to my children wasn’t what was stretching my capacity to recover from the typical day-to-day in my world, in fact giving to my children was what kept me grounded. It was the everything-else that never stopped around me to consider what women move through being a wife and mother, let alone achieving unexpected and unintended Christ Consciousness without drugs or alcohol, the emotional expense, the psychological expansion, expecting the same output, only concerned with the bottom line, not concerned when the bottom drops out. The world continues to move without affect due to the lack of empathic awareness, and me just as guilty.

There was another undercurrent that was building in my home, as well. My husband and I were back at struggling taking on three children while battling an often invisible disease to everyone outside the home, my husband’s severe depression and debilitating anxiety. It was steadily getting the best of him (written with my husband's full consent and beautiful blessing to share our story as I’ve experienced it). His workdays in the den of destruction, i.e. the modern day workforce, were more than brutal, constantly chastised over failure and never authentically lifted up from the company’s actual achievements. He would come home from hell everyday and I would drown in the negative fervor and constant complaining getting passed down in the trickle down effect. Taking on the typical wife-turned-counselor role, because women have believed ourselves to be the “more emotional beings,’ I encouraged him to get help. He saw someone for a few months and touched the surface for a short while, but after meeting the proverbial quota, learning enough buzzwords to pass the emotional descriptors test, the time seeing a counselor was over. It was eating into a lunchtime he wasn’t taking anyway.

It all became an impenetrable forcefield made from a mix of male ego and superego, consumerism, lack of good care within the psychological community, and lack of self-love. And all of it was severely impacting my Empathic side, absorbing it like a black hole. When I found myself sobbing one afternoon after Fernanda left, crying to Stevie Wonder’s, “Love’s In Need of Love Today,” I knew there was trouble. I was crying for myself. I was crying for my husband. I was crying for everyone in the world who needed to cry because of the lack of love we were all experiencing. No one was ready to cry out loud, yet, because they weren’t ready to see they were in the same place as me. Nobody could see my pain or wanted to, a woman, a wife, a mother, an Empath, struggling even though I spoke of the struggle with professionals, as well as women and men close to me and found females to be the most resistant to it. They couldn’t see I was banging on the inside of a bubble filling up with water and I wasn’t prepared to be the only one to break my little family out of it. The illusory image of perfection we held as a white, heterosexual family with three healthy boys, built on strong love with a predictable income and an occasional vacation was too strong. Or maybe it was the inability for those I spoke with to admit they were struggling themselves, not trusting I could understand them and love them in return unconditionally having told my story to them, and me not understanding how different I was to them from practically everyone they had ever met. And like any “good” mother and employer, I kept Fernanda in the dark about all of it.

[second issue coming Friday, May 7th]