#but the only way she can cope being around these people (my dads parents) is by drinking

[bumblebee-be]

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[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 8 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

as usual, I'm billy. WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW, JAC SCHAEFFER

jen filling the gaps with her own headacanons, i see you girl

they're kinda doing their own little agatha deep dive, lol. she's a fascinating specimen, okay? don't you just want to study her in a petri dish?

billy, who's definitely not been projecting his mommy issues on a whole coven (three dead, several unlocked traumas) and hasn't been following agatha around like a lost puppy in need of a mentor: it'S nOT LoYALitY It'S AnALYSiS

that's agatha's entire son, dear lord. 'maximoffs are so dramatic' my ass.

YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO VIOLENTLY SHOVE HER IN THE WARM EMBRACE OF A COVEN FOR THE PAST THREE TRIALS. for fuck's sake, william.

he's acting so mature and cynical when in fact he's so hurt about the people who died and about agatha's betrayal. he's putting up barriers, he's trying to trick himself into not caring, when crying and letting himself mourn would be much healthier responses! in other words, he's learning alllll of agatha's shitty coping mechanisms.

no but I won't shut up about this, it's the kind of psychological response that really fascinates me. billy has had to learn to lie and censor his true self because he doesn't want to upset his parents. he went through something EXTREMELY traumatic (reincarnating in someone else's dead body? hello?) and he can't process it with the kaplans, he knows it would hurt them too much.

so he finds agatha who is, on paper, someone who can absolutely understand what he's been trough and could totally help and guide him. he's tried to win her over, he's tried to open up, to understand her and to be understood in return. and agatha, DESPITE LOVING THIS KID SO FREAKING MUCH, is so EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED that she has rebuked almost every attempt at a deeper connection. and when you do that to a kid, not only you hurt them, you teach them by example. billy is not mature enough to be the bigger person, he sees agatha hurting him, he'll want to do the same. that's the kind of shit parents imprint on you that will be hell to unlearn as an adult.

agatha, who is - I promise you! - truly hurt by billy's words: ahahaha ouch!

I want to strangle her

one moment of silence for jen who's now alone and stuck in the middle between these two

agatha has somehow managed to sell billy's immortal soul to her ex wife while ALSO breaking her own heart AND said wife's heart in the process. and she's having A TRULY NORMAL ONE about it.

aaaaand she goes straight for jen (no pun intended). starts slow and bratty with some kindergarten insults.

OUCH, AGATHA. WHAT THE FUCK?!! AND TWIRLING YOUR HAIR?!

YOU FUCKING BITCH.

oh dear lord look at jen's face. this is actually the first time I see everyone's faces (fuck you lighting department) and it's making agatha's behavior even harder to stomach. and yes by the way, this scene is absolutely a metaphor for microaggression. knowing that jen's big moment is coming is only a half-consolation.

also agatha falling on her face, that's maybe a quarter of a consolation.

of course it is. this is the green witch trial, it's about the circle of nature, it's about life and death beginning and ending and beginning again.

here comes the tantrum!!!

now she yells at billy. and he scrambles to justify himself. this is funny but also SO FUCKED UP??

lilia when billy makes a mess: that's okay baby I got you.

agatha when billy makes a mess: oh are you having a problem? I'M GONNA MAKE IT ALLLLLL ABOUT ME! I'M GOING TO MAKE IT FUCKING WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(fuck she's literally my dad. jac schaeffer I'm sending you my therapy bill)

so, anyway. if a parental figure does this to you? they're being vile and immature. I don't care if they've got their own issues, this is abuse.

(and frankly, learn to recognize this pattern in friends and partners and family too. but it's especially egregious when it's done to a literal child.)

and billy going from apologetic to stone faced. barriers up. he needs to protect himself from her.

while agatha huffs and puffs, jen quietly gets on her knees when she sees the shoes. the camera goes from sharon's shoes to lilia's to alice's.

you guys, this episode is... it's so good? it's not in-your-face like episode seven, but it's doing a lot of subtle things that are getting under my skin

agatha of course plans to barrel through her problems like a rouge zamboni, and just look at jen's reaction! I'm astonished at what sasheer zamata is accomplishing in this scene. I admit the first time around I was too fascinated by hahn chewing scenery to look anywhere else, I got a poorer viewing experience for that. jen has had all her walls up, she's been doing her one note mean girl bit for seven episodes. look at her now. she is crumbling.

god I love me a show that takes very funny characters and let you enjoy them only to pull the rug from under your feet and go: now let's examine why all their funny traits are fucked up trauma responses!

JESUS CHRIST AGATHA

agatha notices billy looking at the shoes and of course mocks him about it. what are you going to do, pay actual respect? cry and properly mourn? like some weak baby???

pay attention now: billy gets mad, and agatha suddenly looks at him with interest and, dare I say, expectation? was she provoking him on purpose?

yes, yes she was. that's the evil of agatha harkness. and I'm not saying her tantrum wasn't real, she was absolutely upset and she relished pouring all her spite and anger and desperation into it. but agatha's theatrics are always happening for a reason. when she's alone she's much more subdued; when she's in public, she vents out her overwhelming emotions trough a big fucking show, so she can make it everyone's else problem. that's the equivalent of when an abuser throws a tantrum and somehow always ends up breaking your stuff, never their own. it's both self-soothing and a scare tactic, two birds with one stone. that's why she went after jen and immediately taunted her about lilia. her words were precise and on target. she enjoyed watching jen squirm.

and yelling at billy just now? it was another one of her calculated risks. what billy is going to do next is anyone's guess, but at least they're not stuck on the Road any longer.

I don't know if I'm making myself clear enough. it's like, how can agatha be so smart and such an idiot at the same time? because she's a coward. because she chooses to. because the alternative is facing her own fucking issues and admitting the truth.

and the truth is scary. the truth is too awful.

next up: billy lands them at the morgue.

great job there, agatha!!

go to episode 8 part 5

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Family, not by blood but by choice instead | awfc x teen!reader

I previously posted on another account, however, I didn't realise a second blog wouldn't allow me to follow people, so I am reposting again on my new one.

Let me know what you all think!

You should have known, there was tell-tail signs all throughout the last several years and yet you were so blind about it all.

Your mother was a narcissist, she was manipulative and gaslighted you your whole life, you were always made out to the bad guy and she was the victim.

It was clear as day to anyone on the outside, but your nieve self just chose to always believe different about things.

Looking back on the several years of your childhood, you had always thought you upbringing wasn't completely terrible. It was just the 2 of you, only your mum and you ever since you could remember. Your parents ended up splitting up when you were really little but ever since that day, you had always been made out to be the reason for their seperation.

You had always wonderd how it could be your fault. You was only 3 when he walked out, so how could it really be like that?

"You were always too much to handle. He couldn't cope," Your mum would say, all of them long nights when you would wrap your tiny arms around her and sob your little heart out to her.

"I'm here, you've got me. You've only ever got me," Her words were embedded in your head from the day that you'd decided to try and have an open conversation about the possibility of finding your dad. "Why go and find him? Haven't I been good enough. I'm the one that's looked after you all of these years and this is the thanks that I get in return?" It was always something that like, always a guiltrip and it was something that she knew would work well.

The harsh statement of the most recent conversation with the older woman left a bitter taste in your mouth and make you question every single thing in life.

"Aren't you happy for me? I made it, mum!" You exclaimed, you were happy enough to want to share the news with your mum but you found so dumbfound by her response which left you feeling shame and judgement for even wanting to tell her.

"Yes you have made it Y/N but you know, you only have me to thank for that now, don't you?" Your mum once again found a way to make it about herself, regardless of the situation;  It was always and only ever about her. "I'm sure that you can find some way to thank me though. All of those years and the amount I have spent on football boots for you. You'd be nowhere if it wasn't for me and I think you owe me now, don't you?" she told you.

You remember feeling stunned by her words, there was a lot of emotions that you had felt building up inside as you were ultimately confused how she'd somehow managed to twist this to make it all about herself but of course she was quick enough to make an excuse to end the call when she grew bored of talking to you.

You should have knew better, every phone call always ended up being the same way and it always left you with a feeling of guilt for making a life for yourself and that phone call that night wasn't any different. You had just been so excited to spill the news, however that excitment soon faded and was replaced by confused feelings of upset and anger once you'd told her, you fought to hold in your tears during the initial phone call but you were on the verge of breaking by the time she had hung up.

That phone call was the one you told her about making it into the national team, you had only been a part of Arsenal womens' first team for under a year and it felt like a massive achievement to be selected to represent your country and immediately you couldn't wait to share the news with your mum - You thought that she'd be pleased for you but you couldn't be further away from the truth.

Ever since that phone call, you had tried your hardest to distance yourself from your mum but it hurt to do that. The women was the only blood related family member that you had, it had only ever been the 2 of you, together through thick and thin.

Flash forward to now, the current time where you are sitting on the sofa, you had returned home after a long training session and you couldn't help but think about it that conversation on a constant loop in your head. 

"You were quiet tonight kidda," Leah perched on the arm of sofa as looked at you in concern. "I'm about to start cookin' tea. How's chicken dippers and smiley faces sound, eh?" she suggested.

"Mhm. Sure that sounds good to me," You mumbled as you kept your eyes focused on nothing but the telly.

The truth was that the conversation was constantly replaying in your head; The conversation, the bitterness and manipulation, every time you thought about it it then made you think of every other time that something like this happened.

Maybe your childhood wasn't as great as you really thought?

"Okay then... Is there anything that you want to talk about?" The blonde questioned, hoping for a bit more of an insight on your mood; Returning from her own rehab session, the entire car ride had been quiet compared to normal and the older woman couldn't help but feel something wasn't right.

"Nope," You stood firm in your reply, shaking your head as you kept your eyes glued on the TV screen; You couldn't really say that you payed much attention to whatever it was, the noise was pretty much a blur that was playing in the background.

"Are you sure?" Leah questioned, frowning worriedly as she took note of the tears welling up in your eyes. "Kidda, what's the matter? You look like you're gonna cry." she stated.

"I... I'm fine," You mumbled, fighting hard to keep the tears at bay until you could escape to your bedroom and allow yourself to be vulnerable and alone. You'd always felt complete shame to show any sort of vunterability in front of anyone, let alone the blonde footballer who'd virtually taken you under her wing ever since you joined during the transfer break of 2022.

You'd always been told that crying showed weakness and you refused to be seen as weak.

"Okay," Leah was quick to drop the subject when she realised you weren't going to open and talk about things. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it but just remember that I'm always here to listen. Anytime that you want too, alright?" she told you.

Unfortunately you were stubborn to not give in and blurt everything out in the open. You were just trying to wrap your head around the idea of things and see things for how they really were.

"Uh huh," You mumbled a response as you got up from the sofa and trudged in the direction of your bedroom.

Leah exhaled a sigh as she shook her head, herself heading into the kitchen to make a start on dinner. The woman knew better than to try and get you to talk if you didn't want too.

She'd always been around to witness the moments like this and the backlash of it. Of course the blonde knew this was all stemmed down to one person causing you to be like this and she hated that you were left upset every single time.

Every single time you and your mum fought, you'd always ended up quiet and in a bad mood, often resulting in lashing out at people around you as a coping mechanism.

None of the girls ever took it to heart, they were old enough to realise that none of your anger was directly aimed at them and there was bigger issues to be dealt with.

The Arsenal women all had their own opinions on the teens' mother but they would never voice them out loud to you. It wouldn't be fair on the youngest in the squad even after the countless times they had seen the girl upset by her own mums actions.

Ever since the teen had moved in, there had been several nights where Leah would be the one to comfort the girl and pick up the peices, waking up in the middle of the night to hear the teen's heartbroken sobs and feeling her own heart shatter every single time, wanting nothing more than take away any sort of pain the girl was experiencing.

It was heartbreaking for all of the team to witness and always sought out to comfort the teen no matter the situation. They knew that no matter they say, they couldn't stop her contacting her and she would be able to make her own decision soon enough when she turned 18 and until then they'd be the ones' to pick up the broken pieces when the mum let her daughter down.

They were your family, not by blood but by choice. You'd probably be lost without them sometimes.

"I... I should have realised sooner," You thought to yourself as you lay crumpled up on your bed that following night, it was almost near 4 in the morning and you were still wide awake with things racing through your head.

You couldn't help but think about things, how you should have noticed the tell-tail signs of her gaslighting you were old enough to properly realise, that was your first mistake.

Your second being that you believed her manipulation, she would always twist things to make her seem like the victim in all different situations - back when you were a child and even now as an adult.

How long it had taken you finally realise it after all of these years. Why hadn't you realised it sooner?

Without realising, you were sobbing aloud as you clutched on to your pillow tightly - the pent up anger was replaced by complete sadness and loss. You only ever wanted the approval of your mum about things and you fought so hard for it.

The phone call, the hopeful seal of approval...  Every time it always seemed to be the same type of emotions when you spoke to your mum - It was a vicious cycle of emotional abuse, or so you'd been told from other people and you never wanted to believe it.

Only problem was that you'd not been able to see it yourself, even if it was clear as day. Even if regardless of a psychological therapist telling you this, you refused to believe them words. Nor your team mates, who had realised it the first time they had the chance to meet her and even then you wouldn't listen or hear them out.

It was your mum, your flesh and blood so how could she be like that? You had never been able to wrap your head around it.

The sound of sobs were what woke Leah up, she was quick to pad out of her bedroom and down the hall to where your bedroom was. "Kidda?" The women pushed the door open and her heart cracked to see you looking so distraught and vulnerable.

The blonde was quick to move to be right beside you, she was always the one to comfort you and she wouldn't ever stop doing that as long as you needed her.

"Hey, kidda. Come here," The blonde scooped you up in her arms and rocked you all while she ran her slender fingers through your messy bedhead. "You're okay. I'm here," she reassured you.

Leah was always patient enough to wait for you to calm down before she gave you the chance to speak, she wouldn't ever push you to talk if you didn't want too.

"L... Le," You cried aloud as you clutched onto her. You breath became shaky as sobs wracked your body.

"I'm here, it's okay," Leah spoke calmly, continuing to try and comfort you the best way she knew but she already knew it was going to be a long night ahead of them - An emotional night that would leave you drained tomorrow.

A vicious cycle of on a loop.

"Ready to tell me what's going on inside that head of yours, huh?" The blonde tried to carefully ask.

There was another brief pause of silence, nothing but the quiet sobs coming from you as the blonde continued to comfort you and reassure you that she was here and not leaving you.

To Leah's surprise, you did open up this time around, even if you didn't mean too.

"I should have realised. I should have... I should have realised," You made the mistake to speak aloud rather than think it like you thought you had.

"You should have realised what, kidda?" Leah questioned, confused about what you meant.

You snap your head in the blondes' direction as you bit your bottom lip, debating whether to be open with your thoughts that you tried so hard to keep buried inside.

"About my mum... I should have realised," You repeated your words as you fought the tears from spilling. "She's so... She's so-- Why does everything I tell her, why does it always get turned back around so it's about her?" That was it. You blurted out your own feelings - There was no hiding how you felt anymore.

Leah smiled sympathetically and moved onto the sofa to sit closer to you, wrapping her free arm around your shoulder to comfort you, "I... I don't know kidda," she spoke honestly.

"So many people, so many people have told me-- They've warned me about her but I have... I never wanted to listen," You confessed, the tears openly rolled down your cheeks and you probably looked a right blubbering mess but you couldn't stop your emotions pouring out. "And now... Now I finally realise how it's always been. Why is she like that, Le?" You asked.

"I can't say I know the answer to that one kidda, I wish I knew," Leah replied, exhaling a sigh as she couldn't fathem herself how a mother could be like that with her own child, she felt so much for the girl and always wished she could make the situation better for her. "Listen, I know it's hard but you've got us. All of us girls here at Arsenal and you're so loved by all of us." she told you.

"I... I just want her to love me, and she just... she doesn't even care about my feelings!" You stated, roughly wiping at your tear stained cheeks angrily to the point that you made them red. "Why does she always throw everything back in my face? Everything that I have ever done, she's always made it about her... Always!" you cried.

"I know, I know it hurts... I know it does," You kept your head buried in the blondes' chest as you hiccuped from the sudden breakdown in the middle of the night. "And I am sorry that you have to go through this. It's not fair on you kidda." Leah added, biting her bottom lip.

All of emotion had led you feeling exhausted in the end, you fought it hard to keep your eyes open as you lay slumped against the blonde woman.

"Come on let's get you back into bed, yeah? I mean you're almost falling asleep on me here, kidda," Leah joked with you, hoping for you to even crack a small smile as she gently moved you back to your bed and tucked you in under the duvet. "I'm so sorry you have had to deal with the kidda but you know you have a family here with us. We may not be blood but we really love you kidda." You heard the faint words spoken to you as you felt your eye lids close, completely warn out.

Sure, the Arsenal women weren't family by blood but instead they were family by choice and that was more important. They were there for you whenever you needed them and you knew you felt safe with them around. You truly felt happy with your chosen family.

[sunny-three]

found this in my drafts enjoy

Monsters - Upperclasmen things that I want to talk about more

Aaron/Dan - Both of whom grew in absolutely shitty situations but I find interesting is how they respond to their upbrings. Both of them are desperate to make something of themselves Dan through the foxes and Aaron through becoming a doctor. But like they both respond very differently to those backgrounds. Dan despite being an ex-stripper seems distinctly unashamed whereas Aaron was literally against joining the foxes bc he didn't want anyone to know about his background and be associated with the foxes. Both them fall in love with someone Matt&Katelyn respectively and hate it bc it goes against their life plan. Dan falling for Matt against all odds, Aaron loving Katelyn despite Andrew. Dan leaving behind her shitty aunt and never seeking with her again vs Aaron still loving Tilda and agreeing to the deal with Andrew even though he hates it bc he wants Andrew around. That bit where Neil says Aaron survived this long on "Willpower and Desperation" fits pre-canon Dan so well.

Matt/Andrew - A lot of people focus on them both being SA surviors which is true but I think how they view themselves have a lot similarties as well. Andrew only living to protect other people when we see in canon andrew defining himself by being a protector vs Matt literally being born to "fix" his parents divorce and his drug addiction starting as a way to fix his relationship with with his dad like theres something there!!

Allison/Nicky - Them both having issues with boundaries bc boundaries/rules have been used against them their whole live. Luther and Maria restricting Nicky's sexuality, personality, who he is and sending him to conversion camp. Allison developing an eating disorder to keep up with her parents demands and later getting cut off when she she doesn't listen to their rules, etc. They both have their own masks that they use to test people and as a coping mechanism. Allison's whole catty bitch nothing affects me act bc of how much the press/and her parents hurt her Nicky being out and proud as response to a lifetime of constant homophobia !!

Renee&Neil - The name changes!!! Natalie and Nathaniel. Them both having aversions to knives bc of their pasts but that view changing bc of Andrew. Renee acting as witness against her former gang and Neil selling out his father's empire. The two killers on the team who have never been caught. It's canon that Neil can tell Renee's past is darker than she seems which is why its so wary but also what about Renee feeling the same thing. Renee seeing Neil and being reminded of who she used to be does that make it harder or easier to be around neil? I have a feeling they could dig up each other's demons and I like that a lot.

Kevin and Seth - Oooof this dynamic is highly underexplored. Like Neil assumes Seth is jealous of Kevin in the beginning and while that might be true dismissing it a jealousy feels like a bit of shallow reading. Seth was one of the original foxes from Wymack's line the only fifth year wheras Kevin is Wyamck's son who was never supposed to be fox material but is here anyways. Kevin sees Seth as like a waste of a scholarship and Seth knows it. Like Seth is a failure and self-sabotages while Kevin is a huge perfectionist whose high standards are detrimental to everyone. Their such opposites it's so interesting to me. Maybe its just me but I feel like Seth's issue w/Kevin comes from the fact that he doesn't really see Kevin as a fox. Kevin is respected, adored and has money, influence and support that the foxes don't have. Random strangers literally crying bc Kevin might never play again and Seth's own mom not even picking up his ashes did his brothers even show up to his funeral??

[velvet-vox]

All of the points that go in favour/against Doll coming back to life.

So, originally, I wanted to make a post of theory/analysis on Cyn and the possibility of her being redeemed at the end of the show; one of the points that I was going to make for said redemption was that Doll's death was meant as a cautionary tale, the main team of the series is abuse and how trauma affects us into becoming the worst version of ourselves, Doll was a trauma victim who was so dead set in her unhealthy coping mechanism that she ended screwing over her entire life, granted said redemption for Doll wasn't unreachable as showcased by her last living moments, but by then the damage was done; Cyn, on the other hand, could have potentially realised all of the harm she was doing even as far back as before the gala massacre, but then, it kind of reminded me why I ended up never making that post.

You see, the thing is, I don't understand Cyn.

At all.

Like, I also for the longest time couldn't understand Doll despite being hyper obsessed with her, and took over a year, countless analyses done by other people and (unfortunately) episode 7 until I could finally come to understand her to the deep, narrative level that I do now, and I still don't know if I truly got everything.

But with Cyn, not only do I not understand her like I do with other characters, but..... I also kind of feel left out.

To me, it seems like the fanbase at large is obsessed with this little gremlin; I'm autistic as well, since that's the main head canon floating around, yet I don't really relate to a word she says, to me, the hype surrounding Cyn feels similar to the hype surrounding Nori pre episode 7: we have this almost blank slate character that is characterized enough to not be an head canon dump, she is super relevant to both the plot and to one of the protagonist backstory, it's one of the main antagonistic forces, and is generally super important.... Yet I still don't get her nor do I get her surrounding hype. I've read a couple of analyses, and would gladly accept if someone sent me some more, since just a single Murder Drones character requires a lot of digging to fully comprehend in its entirety.

But finally going back to Doll, I want to make a short list of all the points in favour and against a possible resurrection of her character, starting with the pros.

Pros:

- Doll is definitely a big selling point for the russian audience of Murder drones, as I have seen various people lament her death on the fact that she was russian alone; funnily enough, this was also my main reasoning to not kill her off as I and other people started learning russian all because of her.

- Gonna reiterate the fact that Doll is, currently, peak russian representation, and it just feels rather insensitive from Liam to kill her off permanently when there's already Yeva and her dad, two russians, whose death is much more acceptable.

- Doll, unlike Alice, Beau, Rebecca or others, had so much potential as a character, being Uzi's foil and all, and to not capitalize on that would be a huge waste.

- Her death, although very impactful, was not, per se, as narratively satisfying as it could have been (see Nox from Wakfu), so it might've been a mislead, and if V comes back, there's a chance Doll might come back too since Doll x V is the parallel dynamic to Uzi x N.

- Gonna mention personal bias. It's not important nor is it a valid point but it had to be mentioned.

- Doll parents are already dead but we had a whole Yeva flashback in episode 7 that I can't explain in ways other than she'll be relevant in the future, and if she turns out to be alive, even if mind controlled, Doll's death is inevitably going to lose a lot of impact because, as it stands, it's balanced, but with the twist, it could retroactively feel like drama porn.

- She wasn't unreademable, just unreachable and deeply hurt, if she had a second chance to make up for her mistakes I believe she would take it in a heartbeat, I can only imagine the immense amount of guilt she was feeling while dying, she must've realised she only caused more damage in the long run and couldn't do anything to fix it, so if she could help Uzi out even as a digital ghost, it might just give her the sense of closure she so desperately needed.

- If Nori can come back as a core, so can Doll, they just need to cut Cyn stomach in a non lethal way.

And now, for the sadly more probable cons:

- This is Liam Vickers we are talking about.

- Even with all of her potential, hers and her family backstory feel rather.... disconnected from everything else going on right now? Like, Yeva might have been this important figure into Nori's past, but as of right now, aside from her impact, she really doesn't seem too relevant to the main plot; same thing with Doll, in fact, it was Doll's own insistence to be relevant that led to her demise, because, despite everything, the story revolves around N and Uzi manages to survive because she is important to N, and even then, she still sacrifices her own life for him.

- The narrative has always been pretty disrespectful to her? Like, I'm not talking about her sad backstory, sad development, and even sadder death, (this master guide over here realistically had no end in sight as you could just go on and on forever) I mean in general there was a clear lack of commitment to her side of things from the writing team, I think I've read somewhere else that in the original animation Uzi even walked on Doll's body as she was running to N; many theorised that they only came up with her story only after the pilot dropped, and I can't help but think that it has to be true because she had this air of mystery that in my opinion went anywhere and in the pilot she's a background character. I don't know, from a supposedly sympathetic villain the writing was rather unsympathetic towards her whole situation and she felt more like your average b##ch in the episodes following the prom.

- She still fulfilled her limited narrative role, so changing it back could alter future developments and remove impact from the tragedy of this cautionary tale, since, in all honesty, Doll's side story would require the show to switch off the plot too much and unfortunately that's never been a priority for the writing team. Also bringing back up Nox from Wakfu (still gonna make that comparison post) whose Doll shares some themes with, even though his personal story was extremely tragic, it was extremely disconnected from all of the main characters as he was more of a warmup baddie for Yugo to get in the groove, and he never returned physically aside from passive mentions and an illusion.

- I don't think they went out of the way to showcase Cyn eating Doll's core just for it to be a fake out.

- Even with all of my personal biases, aside from her starring episode she never had a real purpose in the grand scheme of things so her death was probably just a way to cut off loose ends.

- She isn't a protagonist despite what she deluded herself into, so plot armour applies even less to her than it does with the main trio (spoiler: it doesn't).

Ultimately, in my heart and mind, despite what I really want, I know Doll's not coming back.

She was disrespected, screwed over by both the writing and her own twisted mind, and since this is a somewhat heavy horror show despite the comedy, I really don't think we are going to see her reunited with her parents as a ghost nor will she be in robot hell or heaven, I really think she is just dead.

That's so sad. What a shame.

Farewell, comrade.

Want more?

[bybybub]

My take on Female Harry Potter

I really want more female Harry Potter fics. I don’t really like gender benders where they make fem!Harry really like small and delicate. Sure in the books and movies he’s shy but not delicate or soft in an mis characterizing way.

I have a list of things that people should do if they want to do a fem!Harry fic. I've seen a lot of opinions on the internet and some of my own, Feel free to add onto this blog if I missed somethings.

Her name

Don't just feminize the name Harry. He is named after Henry Potter who is his great-grandfather in the books. (It is believed)So make the name more meaningful. But it's understandable that it's easier to find a female name that starts with the letter H.

Some people name her after flowers to match the women in her family (maternal) Lily and Petunia. I've mostly seen her be named Rose which to me seems like a really common name to give to a girl. (Probably because most Mexican women use that name).

Her appearance

I personally like when she looks like her dad, with the black crazy hair and tan skin. I feel like most girls look more like their dad than their mother. But I like the idea where she looks like her mom but people have pointed out that Lily doesn't have ginger hair like the Weasleys', it's more of a deep red since she's a red head with green eyes.

But when sticking to her appearance she's still going to be like him in the books, (Matters what your writing). I have mentioned before that Harry Potter is a pretty guy in a past post so as a female she's going to be a handsome girl. At least that's how I see her. I want more Jock Female Harry Potter.

Mentioning that because of barely being fed as a child she'll still be short and thin in her early years of Hogwarts. She'll later gain weight and have healthy hormones, most likely to get her period around the age of 12-14.

Also love buff and short Harry so, I feel like that should also count for him as a female. Obviously with the training of quiditch and having a much healthier food intake.

Also it has been mentioned in a few parts in the books that Harry gets fed up pretty quickly when people compare him to his parents who he has technically never met. He's always seen as some sort of extension and coping mechanism when others compare him to them in the canon books. So I do wanna leave it up to the other creators how they'll fix that in their own AUs both written and in art form. But being constantly compared to your father more than your mother would probably piss Fem!Harry so damn much.

Round baby face turns into a more sharp and intense resting bitch face.

Romantic Pairing and Friendships

I personally like fics when Harry is like asexual/aromatic and doesn't really liked people in a romantic sense. But I have noticed people making him female just so he can be with a guy. Like ??!?! Just write him to be bisexual or gay for fuck's sake.

But Harry's character both in fics and in the canon books don't revolve over solely relationships. She should have some sort of character and build up to the romantic attraction to whoever you want. But also if you like Hinny, then don't be scared to make that happen. Harry is obviously one of the most bisexual characters I have ever read. So make that happen with girls, like her having a crush on Cedric and Cho, ending up in a relationship with Ginny. Lesbian fem!Harry Potter.

when fics have only Harry being a female and the others are still the same then she'll most liley be closer to Hermione than with Ron. Boys at the age of like 11-15 find girls confusing so they'll probably join teams to argue with Ron when he says stupid shit. I can also see her standing on the sidelines as a third wheel as Hermione and Ron argue again. Again close with the Weasleys, Molly probably tried to pair Rom and FemHarry until it was very clear that they didn't see each other like that. And Ron obviously liked Hermione in a romantic way.

Her abuse

I am going to point out that abuse towards her could probably be either worse or lessened than in the books. She could be abused more because she reminds Petunia of her sister or the fact that she looks much like James than her sister. Probably forced to take more chores because she's a girl and Dudley shouldn't have to do it.

By lessen I mean some people feel more guilt when hitting a girl, mostly out of social norms that hitting females at any age is looked down upon more than males. (Abuse is still abuse no matter what)

Having Snape hate her more because she doesn't look like her and more her father.

Most of the fics that I'm going to recommend do have more abuse than is told in the canon books.

World building

Some of my favorite fics involve world building, involving pureblood marriages, using the fact that as a woman she'll get more marriage offers out of necessity than as her original male self.

Manners and clothing.

The Yule ball, would probably go with Ron as a friend after he failed to ask out Hermione unless Fem!Harry gets a date before that.

Being taught how to be the lady of the house of Potter and Black (or more houses, matters how you write your AU)

Fics with female Harry Potter

The Good War by inwardtransience

High heels and Hippogriffs by NinjaPandaScholar

The lady black by TPNE

I'll catch myself when I fall by lonibal

How (Not) To Date A Gryffindor by Maeglin

These are so far my favorite female Harry Potter fics and most of them aren't the same or are like what I wrote above but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy them. People have different opinions and preferences, I just wanted to add my own and people are more than welcome to add onto this post.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

how did you decide Birdie would call Tim papa, not daddy (assuming it's the single dad au Tim)?

Honestly it's mostly a left over from the version of PGPau where Jay lives and he and Tim raise Birdie together (there's now also a very rough version of that Au where Jay lives but vanished Brian style and shows back up in Tim's life years later with a bunch of stuff figured out. This fic has too many au's. So much for me trying to give 'the' au a name so I could keep it straight in my head, now PGPau has like three aus behind it, it's just anything post canon now, whoops. Oh well 💀)

Anyway, Jay just seemed like the dad/daddy parent, and that made sense to me with the whole trans Jay thing, Jay going from dad/daddy to mum/mummy was just too perfect y'know? So Tim became papa because of that, and then I decided Birdie would be 'canon' to Sorry It's Locked and went "well Jay's still gonna die because I love angst too much to give that up" and just ended up keeping papa for Tim even in the more 'canon' single dad Tim au because I just feel like it suits him. Y'know?

He just seems like a papa to me. He's a big loving mamabear to his very tiny very weird daughter, y'know? Ridiculously protective of her, if you hurt his baby he will rip your arms off, but also incredibly soft with her because she's his kid and she survived so fucking much with him even before she was born and he wants desperately to give her the childhood and family he never had. Even if that family is just him and her.

He's a mamabear protecting and loving his cub, except he's a guy, so he's a papabear but you know what i mean 💀

I just love it. Papa suits him, y'know?

Jay's dad/daddy and then mum/mummy, Tim's papa the whole way through, and Brian is Mr. Thomas then Brian, then quickly becomes bubba.

I love it. They're just all so cute.

Okay, I went off on a tangent about Alex here for some reason so I'm putting it under a thingybobber 💀

And with the whole "everyone lives" thing even Alex would probably end up with like, not a family title like the others, but he'd be part of their family in a friend way, y'know? Like, in everyone lives, everyone lives, y'know? And that includes Alex. And obviously he's not just walking around free, but I see him being in like hospital prison y'know? I can't remember what that's called, but anyway. He's in hospital prison and he can't leave because of what he did, but he's not in normal prison because he really wasn't in control of his actions when he killed people, not really.

At first only Tim goes to visit him, and even then he doesn't go super often because it's hard on both him and Alex (though mostly Alex). And he mostly goes because he understands what Alex was going through the best. He understands that if he hadn't had his medication he could easily have been the one in Alex's place. He wasn't "better" than Alex or more resistant to the Operators influence, he simply had people around him who could help (that being his doctors).

Then after a little while it's both Tim and Jay who go to visit Alex, still only very occasionally because, yeah it's a lot, none of them can really cope with seeing each other more than a couple times a year at first, but over time it gets easier and eventually Tim and Jay end up visiting him once every one to two months or something, once Alex's doctors or whatever are like "yeah I think that'll be okay, he's starting to cope better and relapse less when you come to visit him now. We genuinely think it's helping him."

They tell Alex about their life together and eventually Birdie comes up. So Alex knows about Birdie.

And Birdie knows about Alex because obviously she asks about how her parents met, and she asks where they went when they've had a day out, and they don't wanna lie to her, so they tell her about MH in the most kid friendly way they can, and tell her they're visiting this friend who's in hospital and can't leave because he tried to hurt people when he was younger. And like, obviously they are like, "we don't blame him for it, he was really, really sick and didn't realise that what he was doing wasn't 'saving' people like he thought it was" or whatever. They talk to her about the good sides of Alex, as well as very carefully addressing the bad sides, and eventually Birdie starts asking to go with them to see him. And like, at first it's a flat out no, because Jay and Tim have no damn clue how either Birdie or Alex will react to meeting each other, and even just seeing Tim and Jay used to fuck Alex up pretty bad and it took ages to get to the point they're at now. Like, they don't wanna undo that progress.

Anyway, eventually Brian comes back into their lives too, still the same way, with him starting out as a new teacher at Birdies school and then meeting Tim and Jay (well, Lark at that point but y'know) and eventually ending up dating the two of them and Birdie just kinda naturally migrated to calling him bubba, because it's not quite a parent name, but it's that same sort of sound, y'know?

Then like, Tim and Lark have been talking to the people in charge of looking after Alex and trying to figure out if there's a way he can meet Birdie. And like, with Brian back in the picture that's another thing for Alex to deal with so the whole "meet Birdie" thing gets pushed back again because finding out Brian is also alive is just, a lot for Alex, hugely conflicting and all that. Like, he's both glad Tim didn't kill Brian (or Brian didn't die running away from Tim whatever) and also very upset because he failed to "save" him. But eventually, ages and ages later, Birdie and Brian both end up going to see Alex too (after like, much therapy for them both to help them get ready for that, especially Brian) but like, yeah. Idk Birdie's probably like 15 by the time she meets Alex and it's all mostly fine honestly.

Idk I just like the idea of Birdie getting to meet Alex and it just kinda being fine? He's just a guy who got very sick when he was younger, and that changed the way his brain worked so that he couldn't fully comprehend the fact that killing people wasn't necessarily the best way to save them, that they could live with the Operator's presence like Tim had and still be okay. Like, it wasn't his fault. The Operator was literally changing the way his brain worked and without any medical intervention like Tim had, Alex was pretty much doomed from the start. He couldn't fight that. The operator was like a malicious, sentient, intangible tumor pressing on his brain and changing his personality, except it was taken to the extreme, because supernatural monster, y'know?

[capobegone]

Spiraling About Kimetsu Academy Hakukoyu (Again)

EVERYBODY WAKE UP THE NEW KIMETSU ACADEMY CHAPTER CONFINED THAT KOYUKI’S SICKNESS IS STILL A THING :’(((

Like she clearly seems healthy now?? Which means that this follows canon in which she got better by the time she was sixteen and Hakuji was eighteen—but considering Hakuji is still set to take over Keizou’s dojo, a lot of the tragedy in their past might still have happened.

The thing that surprises me here is that it specifically points out both of their parents, which means Hakuji’s dad has to still be alive (unconfirmed about Koyuki’s mom, who may have still been unable to cope with her daughter’s illness). However, the death of Hakuji’s father was what caused him to meet Koyuki and Keizou in the first place—so how would that have happened?

So, of course, I’ve made a theory.

The Kimetsu Academy canon states that they’re neighbors, so it wouldn’t be too far fetched to assume that they are friendly with each other. In order for Hakuji to become so close with Koyuki’s family, though, it would make sense if his father still got sick. Assuming that Hakuji’s mother is still not in the picture, Hakuji’s father would likely have a hard time keeping his family afloat (hence their sudden dip toward poverty).

Of course, Hakuji would be prone to getting into trouble around this time. He described himself as a rule breaker, which is very common among young students with trouble at home. (The pickpocketing habit is debatable—it would have been much less effective nowadays, when getting medicine is a lot more complicated.) This could be the time where his childhood persona ‘Akaza’ came around. Unlike Hakuji, Akaza wouldn’t have to worry about people he loved getting sick or going to bed still a little bit hungry, because all he had to worry about was being tough and strong. I could definitely see this as a way for Hakuji to channel his stress—because who doesn’t love beating people up as a coping mechanism? He might have been spending a little more time around the dojo at this point in an attempt to keep getting stronger, which could lead Keizou to notice the subtle signs of struggle.

Assuming that Koyuki was sick around this time as well, I can see Keizou setting up a deal with Hakuji’s father, who I imagine must have been ashamed to ask for help. His proposal: Keizou would provide free childcare by letting Hakuji stay at his place while his father worked (also would keep him out of trouble!), and in exchange, Hakuji would help out with keeping Koyuki company and doing chores around the dojo. This arrangement obviously worked out quite well, and would take a little stress off both families. As Hakuji was exposed to Koyuki’s gentle influence, he grew out of his Akaza persona (around the end of middle school, probably.) And, of course, both Koyuki and Hakuji’s father got better!! Yay!

Obviously, this is all speculation. But it would piece together all the little pieces of their backstories we have, and explain how Hakuji and Koyuki’s families became so close. The one question I still have…is Soyama Hakuji’s family name, or Koyuki and Keizou’s? (of course, thanks to my trusty translator fertheart on insta who is literally my only source of Kimetsu Academy content lmao)

[rentumblsstuff]

Back to the NPMD x Monster High AU, a couple more things:

I would like to rescind my Werecat Brenda in favor of Nighthawk Harpy Brenda. Yes, I know I made Kyle a werewolf to parallel Brenda being a werecat but I also have a better offer for Kyle too: Yeti, which is why he still holds a grudge against Max for wrecking his dad’s ski-doo.

I have so many thoughts on Vampire Grace. She was born a normie and is a recently turned vampire (maybe even a vampire hunter that failed on an outing and was turned by her prey). She’s having trouble coping with her religion now that she’s a monster and constantly wears turtlenecks like the one she wears in Perky’s Buds to cover up her bite marks. She tried still wearing her cross necklace as a show of rejecting this new form, trying to embrace the pain of having the cross so close because she thought that loving Jesus even when she’s a form of half-demon would make herself better than other Christians, but it hurt way too badly for her to handle so now she just says she wears it underneath her sweater. Jason was born a vampire and wants to help her through her dysphoria but Grace won’t accept anyone treating her like she’s a vampire (even though she is). She does like the part about eating flesh and drinking blood- it’s what Jesus says to do with himself, so in a way, she’s making everyone she eats a little more Christ-like. That’s her thought process, at least. She also still pretends to be human around her parents and normie best friend Gabe. Gabe may or may not know that she’s a vampire though and wants to seduce her so she can turn him too.

In High School is Killing Me, the lyric is now changed to “Fuck you, biteology.”

Max’s Jekyll form is human (Max), but his Hyde form looks like his ghost (The Jagerman).

Stachie is soooo canon because Richie loves swimming but as a werecat Stacy refuses to get in the water and they feel like their romance is especially forbidden because of it. If Richie didn’t love the water so much, he’d wish he was a werecat too because he also wants to be a pretty little kitty meow meow

Ethan, Lex, and Hannah also went there obviously and Ethan was a ghost á la Jonny Spirit and Lex and Hannah are both spider people. You know tf why lol

Ruth is a lot like Frankie Stein in that she flirts with a lot of people but they Do. Not. Flirt. Back. Rather than solid stripes, her sweater looks more like lightning bolts and the mushroom design is a little creepier than just an Amanita.

A lot of the smoke club are also nighthawk harpies (because they like eating the weed) (including Deb) and so a lot of people assume Brenda is also in the smoke club. She isn’t. Monster high typical speciesism mixed with Hatchetfield High typical bullying regardless of social hierarchy.

The Woodwards are flytraps and that’s why Alice doesn’t smoke- plants don’t do that to other plants. This is often a point of contention between Deb and Alice even though they try to pretend it isn’t an issue

Steph’s secretly embarrassed about her decay so she always makes sure her wraps are FRESH, but the rest of her outfit is always her jagged hand-cut crop tops and ripped jeans. Her decay spread to her scalp and forehead and everyone knows better than to say something about the wraps on her forehead or how she always wears a beanie but Pete accidentally tells her he thinks it makes her look even cooler. Swooning ensues because nobody dares address her flaws, much less say she’s cooler for having them.

Steph secretly wishes Pete had a corporeal form because her love language is physical touch and she’s sad she’ll never be able to hold him. (Kind of like how Cleo is sad she’ll never get to look Deuce in the eyes).

Sophia/Spitfire as a background character fire elemental is a MUST.

The janitor is a crazy man who lives in the catacombs under the school and is possessed by what the student body can only assume is a goat demon and Peter Geist feels weirdly like he knows him.

Rosary as Claire Rosary as Claire Rosary as Claire-

Pete has also died recently as one of The Jagerman’s attacks when he was out of control, and he’s new to the school along with Grace. He’s stuck in this dorky outfit he wore so he wouldn’t get bullied and can never change clothes, but at least he’s impossible to punch unless if another spirit tried to attack him. As opposed to Grace in life, he was very interested in the supernatural (one of his special interests) so he knows quite a bit about monster types but is always hungry to learn more about the new world he found himself un-living in

[soc69]

Okay, so I’ve somehow fallen back into my eraser mic family addiction so here are some back stories that I’ve recently been theorising about and can’t let go of:

(Also I fully intend to make another post about specific Headcannons of how each of their dynamics with one and other work. This is pretty much entirely for my own enjoyment but hopefully other people will get something out of this too)

Yamaha Hizashi:

I’m pretty sure it’s canon that when mic was born he deafened both his mother and the midwife so I have a bit of a dark background headcanon for him based on this.

Basically, I think that mic’s mother tried really hard to raise him for a few years but I don’t think his dad was ever really in the picture (or if he was he left pretty early on) so it was just a newly deafened young women dealing with a bit of postpartum depression and a huge law suit from the doctor who delivered mic for his loss of hearing. She couldn’t work and was trying to get by on subsidy and disability checks until, eventually, she just couldn’t take it any more and handed him over to the state when he was about 3 or 4. He doesn’t remember much about his early years and luckily he was only in the system bouncing around different foster homes for a year or so until he got adopted by his moms who loved him so hard and taught him how to see the best in people. He has never once questioned their roles as his real parents and credits them with his becoming a hero for giving him the best life they could.

That being said, he grew up knowing the story behind him being placed in the system and never once held it against his birth mother either. When he was a teenager, she saw him in the UA sports festival and decided to reach out. Despite it feeling slightly awkward for hizashi at the start and his mother battling feelings of guilt when she first met him, they got past that and these days they meet up once or twice a month to check in on one another. Nowadays, mic just counts himself as really lucky to have not one, not two, but three moms in his life who all care about him and want to do what they can for him and his family.

As mic gets older, the early reckless use of his quirk as a crying kid and pre-support-gear-hero-wannabe starts catching up to him and he begins to loose his hearing. By the time he’s in UA he’s already considered hard of hearing and these days he can’t hear much of anything without hearing aids. Of course, Aizawa learned sign language at the same time hizashi did when he was first warned that he might go deaf one day and they’ve been teaching eri since she moved in with them. Hitoshi, however, already knew sign, as I will get into next.

Shinsou Hitoshi:

Soooo, we all know how fond this fandom is of giving Hitoshi the most tragic story ever and I’ve really struggled to break that cycle, so here we go.

I headcannon that Hitoshi’s mom died when he was very young, maybe even in child birth, and his father was absolutely heartbroken by this. He really did his best with Hitoshi but he was so much like the love of his life in so many ways that he could hardly look at him without wanting to sob. They had the same hair, eyes, smile - everything in Hitoshi was inherited from his mother and when his quirk manifested it was, once again, directly inherited from her.

I think, contrary to popular belief, Hitoshi’s dad didn’t see this as a curse. He loved his wife and everything about her, including her quirk, but it was just so painful for him to see it when he couldn’t see her. He turned to some less than healthy coping mechanism and, after a DUI, realised that he needed to get his life back on track if he was ever going to do right by his son.

He ended up relinquishing some of his custody to the state when Hitoshi was around 6 but retained visitation rights and would come and see Hitoshi every weekend, giving updates about his job search and making promises that he could come home soon. However, the visits gradually became fewer and further between until one day, after he had taken Hitoshi out for what he, at the time, considered the best day of his life, his social worker delivered the message that he had emigrated to US and wouldn’t be coming back. He left Hitoshi a letter apologising for not being a good enough man to take care of him and truly believing this was for the best. Hitoshi held onto that letter until he was 13 when, in a fit of rage after being fostered by the worst family yet, he tore it to pieces. Sometimes he still remembers the letter and cries that he doesn’t have it anymore because for the longest time it was the only evidence he had that someone had loved him. Nowadays though when he feels like this he knows he has three people waiting to prove that’s not the case anymore.

Since Hitoshi had been un-fosterable for the first couple of years in the group home, what with his dad still being in the picture, he basically wasted what are affectionately termed the “cute years” in the system, meaning that, as a preteen, he was pretty undesirable to potentially families. He bounced around different group homes and foster families that took in troubled youths since most people were scared of his quirk and didn’t take kindly to him trying to talk to them. He ended up learning sign language form a deaf kid in one of the homes he was in and used that to communicate to most adults so as not to scare them out of taking care of him to the point that it was put in his file that he had selective mutism.

When Hitoshi got into UA and started training with aizawa, aizawa noticed that Hitoshi was a little malnourished and seemed more skittish than the average teen ought to be. He took it upon himself to start taking him out for meals after their training and keeping a close eye on any signs or abuse or neglect in the future. By this point Hitoshi was living in a group home as it was the closest place to UA and, although there was no current abuse happening, Hitoshi had experienced some maltreatment in the past that made him cautious around authority figures and it was still all too easy for him to accidentally be neglected in such an anonymous home life.

Taking Hitoshi out for meals after training eventually turned into inviting him back to his house for meals which turned into quality family bonding for the entire erasermic clan. Eri starting calling Hitoshi ‘toshi-nii’ and asking where he was whenever aizawa came home alone after the first month, hizashi started insisting he stay the night whenever he was there past 6pm, and shouta subtly converted their home office into shinsous private bedroom by adding a fouton, removing one of the desks, and gradually clearing the bookcases so Hitoshi wouldn’t notice the added effort.

Pretty early on hizashi and shouta have a conversation about how much they both want Hitoshi to join their family but they’re equally scared of overwhelming him or putting pressure in him to say yes to them because they’re his teachers so they agree to wait for the right time. The right time eventually comes during a breakdown after Hitoshi has a nightmare when he’s staying over about his birth father. When he wakes up he goes looking for his letter before he remembers he doesn’t have it anymore and cries to erasermic that he’s all alone. It’s then that they tell him how much they want him to join their family. Cue the entire family ugly sobbing.

Aizawa Shouta:

I actually headcannon Aizawa as being the only one with a relatively trauma free upbringing. He’s just a grouch by choice.

He was, however, raised entirely by women. His dad left when he was about three so it’s been just him, his mom, and his two older sisters ever since. The oldest is 6 years older than him and the middle is 4 years older than him so he really is the baby of the family and they all treat him as such. He pretends to hate it but when they all show up for him after he gets banged up in hero work and fret over him he secretly loves the attention and it means the world to him every time they make a trip to see him.

His mother is an incredibly sarcastic women and it’s where he gets all his sass but she’s also very no nonsense and will put anyone in their place if they dare to talk bad about her family. His oldest sister is a lot like him but his middle is criminally similar to hizashi so they get along like a house on fire. That being said, everyone in his family adores hizashi and they had bets on when the two would finally confess their love for each other ever since shouta brought him and oboro over in their first year for a group project. (What they don’t know is that oboro was the one who snuck off downstairs that day and started the betting pool). When it come to eri and shinsou however, my god, ‘adore’ is not a big enough word. They would all die for those children and make sure to visit as often as possible.

Eri:

So we all kinda know eri’s history already so I’m just gonna talk about how she responded to each of her new family members.

So obviously she immediately latches onto Aizawa as her hero and Aizawa adores her. He is biologically incapable of ever saying no to her (not that she really asks for much) and spoils her rotten, so, within a few weeks of moving in she has a new everything in every color. But that much we know already so onto mic.

I think it takes her a while to get used to hizashi as she’s instinctively very cautious around new people so, as much as it breaks mics heart, he has to spend the first couple of weeks of eris adjustment period staying with nemuri and visiting every other day until she’s more comfortable around him. The change happens when they’re having a bonding day at home and eri takes a tumble and nearly falls down the stairs from the top of the landing. On instinct, mic gets between her and the stairs and pushes her back up to safety but ends up falling down the stairs in her place. Eri immediately runs down to check on him apologising profusely and is absolutely terrified of how he’s going to react but mic just immediately pulls her into a hug and starts asking if she’s okay saying he was terrified she might of been hurt and from that point on eri realised that this man would never hurt her and so when he goes to leave that night she asks him to stay instead and he’s never spent the night at nemuris since.

As we’ve already established, she very quickly accepts Hitoshi as her brother but the exact moment it happens isn’t as easily pinpointed as it is with mic. One day she was shy and reserved around him and the next she was choosing to sit closest to him over everyone else on movie nights. It was such a seemless transition that no one even really noticed (except Hitoshi of course who clocked the change immediately and had no idea what to do with the fact that this little angel wanted him as a brother and definitely went to bed and cried about it the first time she chose to sit with him instead of her dads).

[tumblingxelian]

The Fraught Family Ties of the Rose-Xiao Long Household:

Sorry for the ramble, I wanted to share something born of a discussion I had with someone regarding the canonical relationship on the Rose-Xiao Long sisters & their father figures.

So, I often find Tai (& Qrow) propped up as good father figures who maybe just had some moments of weakness but either got better long before canon or during the show and who are super close with Ruby & Yang with very healthy relationships.

Given possibly my most popular post, (Yang & Ruby's childhood) I don't think this is a universal stance, certainly not these days, and I don't think its well supported in canon either.

This doesn't mean that love isn't there, but love and resentment can live in the same house and the Rose-Xiao Long household is far more complex than I think people give it credit for.

Now, some will probably highlight positive tones and references in the early volumes, but here's the thing. A child growing up around something can get used to a lot. Ruby & Yang are clearly very used to Qrow stumbling home utterly wasted, even carried by strangers and needing to take care of him. This is normal to them and neither show any resentment towards it until on their last nerve.

That is to say, Ruby and Yang are fine with Qrow's drinking and smile through it, riiiight up until they themselves are on the edge of snapping real hard over things such as in V6.

Neither of them express their trauma like say, Jaune does, who tends to be quite open with his resentment and prone to lashing out. The sisters smile through it, they may express frustration or anger at other things, but not their loved one's, which makes it easy to pretend everything is cool and normal.

Hell, keeping things light with humor is explicitly noted to be how Yang copes and Ruby is shown consistently beginning to show sadness before quickly bottling it up up. This is just how they handle negative emotions they cant comfortably express.

Thus, while Ruby expressing frustration at Yang giving Tai like advice in V1 doesn't indicate hostility, nor does her being all smiles around his presence in V3's opening indicate everything is super awesome.

After all, things are good at that moment, but let's take a look at the end of V3.

Tai is clearly worrying and trying to fuss over Ruby. But she is very neutral on the whole thing, mostly just trying to get intel on what the fuck happened from him and not being remotely upset when Qrow makes him leave. She show's a bit more vulnerability around Qrow, but is still very focused on the practical questions of what happened.

Its only when she's alone with Yang, that Ruby really becomes expressive with her emotions and more to the point, shows outright uncertainty in what to do. This leads her to being shocked when Yang is in no fit state t provide her with the guidance and support she clearly craves and expected.

Ruby also specifically addresses her letters to Yang and broadly speaking doesn't really seem to think about Tai all that much. Again I don't think she dislikes him, but given she openly acknowledges Yang as the one who raised her & Yang herself noted she had to keep the family together...

Well, I think that Ruby doesn't really perceive Tai as a parent, strictly speaking. In the sense that I don't believe she views Tai as someone to go to for comfort or advice or guidance.

He's her dad and she loves him, but he's less of an adult to her than Yang was. In that same vein Qrow is a Huntsmen, her mentor and uncle yes, but the former I think inform her behavior with him more than the latter.

Now, let's also compare Tai and Yang's relationship a little.

We know Tai taught her how to fight, but he doesn't show any real understanding of how her Semblance works or her fighting style given she has utilized plenty of blocks, dodges and clever strategies in the first three volumes. What's more him critiquing her for fighting that way and making it her fault when he taught her feels suspect to me.

(I would note it was Yang who realized Ruby needed CQC help before anyone else, so she clearly thought deeply on this stuff.)

But beyond that, we see Yang is heavily isolated, both from how the camera work frames her. But also because she us housed in a guest room and that Tai, while obviously unhappy about what happened overall seems far more focused on Ruby in terms of trying to provide some care. What's more, when she's clearly distressed he walks away and leaves her to stew.

Yang's shown still doing lots of work around the house, despite everything and his efforts to 'help' her are all about getting her back into the fight over worrying for her safety like he did Ruby.

This is a big thing for me, Tai was clearly deeply upset when Qrow wanted to speak to Ruby alone and terrified when she left.

Meanwhile when it comes to 'helping' Yang its all about getting back into the action and going after Ruby. He doesn't seem to mind the idea of sending her into danger.

Then there' show he hypocritically dismisses her trauma and depression while at the same time diminishing her maturity despite him having left her to raise Ruby and keep the family together.

He also makes his help for her conditional on her no longer "Moping" while its her teachers who barely know Yang that provide actually useful guidance on healing.

When alone he also frames 'caring for her' IE letting her live in the house and take care of herself, like its this heavy burden that is keeping him from Ruby.

This is despite the fact he ultimately does not go after Ruby.

You can claim its a budget thing the show we have is the show we have. Thus, he sends her off to parent Ruby instead of himself. Also Tai outright compares Yang to Raven despite them being radically different and honestly Ruby being a lot closer to even the positive traits he ascribed to Raven.

Thus I think there's an element of projection that leads to Ruby being preferences between the two but also Tai having come in too late to really be seen as the parent he wants to be perceived as.

Now, let's look at Qrow.

Both sisters are clearly used to him staggering or being carried home drunk and needing to take care of him, meaning they have been doing this since childhood.

This would have a hugely negative impact on their mental wellbeing and impact how they perceive him.

Beyond that, I am unsure how close he even is to Yang outside the superficial. Some of that may indeed be down to time, but there have been periods where they could have shown a deep bond and its not manifested.

When Yang is framed, her team, two of whom have only know her for a few months and have plenty of trauma that would make them rightly suspicious choose to believe her and sympathize with her.

Qrow meanwhile says she is either lying or crazy and does not express much in the way of real empathy or trust.

Rather than showing an interest in maybe trying to resolve the issue or help her through decides that maybe directing her to Raven might help. He obviously cares, but generally never shows much of the same concern or affection for Yang that he does for Ruby.

Granted even then Qrow requires caretaking from both his nieces.

What's more he often tethers Ruby to Summer. So while his mentorship of her does let her be a little more vulnerable with him than Tai its still an unbalanced relationship.

However outside of that, Qrow's generally fairly good with Ruby and her influence on him seemed to be the primary thing that stopped him drinking. He also shows a great deal of faith in her in general, though how much of that is projection likely varies.

But he mentored Ruby so its natural they are maybe a little closer.

Still, I think Ruby & Yang held Qrow in higher regard, at least as a Huntsmen than their father, there's a lot of baggage to the relationship at a minimum.

I also think Ruby & Yang's lack of communication seen in later volumes is sort of reflective of the families unhealthy dynamics evolving between them.

Yang being forced to raise a sister two years younger than her is already a heavy burden on both of them. Yang from having to step up and fill the roll of an adult as a child & Ruby because no matter how hard Yang tried it as never gonna be perfect but she couldn't exactly complain about it either.

So both just sort of smiled through the pain as they grew and came out fairly functional and happy if carrying a lot of baggage beneath the surface. This is why both respond to grief and trauma in a similar manner, pushing the issues down until they explode or collapse. It was how they got by.

They were also extremely close, for all that Yang talked of Ruby maybe trying to branch out onto other teams, she instantly tried to seek her out in the Emerald Forest, saved her a spot in the auditorium and generally tried to assist and advice her along with expressing great pride in her.

Ruby bore with with a mixed degree of playfulness and teen like annoyance, while still wanting to cling to Yang. She was also very comfortable early on with expressing her concerns around Yang, such as with Blake being so stressed and not knowing what to do about it & seemingly had total faith in Yang's ability to resolve things.

As previously outlined, when Ruby was seeking comfort and guidance after the Fall of Beacon she went to Yang and was shocked when Yang couldn't provide her what she needed and quickly began separating herself, clearly deeply impacted.

Yang remained the center of her homeward focus after that fact and when Yang returned she was able to express vulnerability with her.

Briefly.

However, Yang soon showed that her recovery was not as complete as she wanted to project and again Ruby was at a loss for what to do with a Yang who is upset.

Keep in mind she's entirely capable of comforting a drunk, hung over or otherwise very upset Qrow, but the prospect of comforting Yang leaves her shuffling nervously outside the door while Weiss helps her.

Ruby's perception of Yang seemed to have put her on something of a pedestal in the way a lot of children do their parents where its hard to start seeing them as a person.

& When Ruby did start seeing Yang as a person, her complexes regarding leadership caused her to see Yang as someone who needed protection.

This caused her to freeze Yang out of her issues, we see this with her rejecting Yang's efforts to comfort her in V8, responding instead with sullen silences or sharp emotional jabs to try and make Yang go away.

Yet at the same time, she didn't entirely try to keep the façade up, perhaps in part because she couldn't.

I also think there's a part of her that sort... Expected Yang to know what to do and to say for her even though Ruby has changed as a person and is no longer communicating clearly like she used to.

Which then causes her to resent Yang for not being able to say the right things and provide the right assistance like she did when they were kids. Even though Yang doesn't know how Ruby feels their relationship has changed and can't know with Ruby actively avoiding acting in a manner that would elicit her concern.

Basically, this is an extremely messy family.

It has four actual adults, the most competent of whom martyred herself. One of whom left because she couldn't handle it and two of whom failed when put to the test.

This left the role of grown up in the room to Yang who had to keep the family together and raise her sister. While Ruby had to basically become the least troubled child possible to make this easier on them all.

Raven cutting herself out of their lives and her ties to Yang, while Summer being a beloved martyr seems to have also rippled down to their kids.

With Yang almost being like the black sheep of the family. She's the one they expect to do something immoral or "crazy' and generally expected to take care of herself and Ruby without any kind of acknowledgement or significant assistance.

Meanwhile Ruby is regarded as a sort of proto Summer, this beacon of purity, which leaves Tai over protective but ultimately inactive leaving the task of helping her to Yang. With Qrow expecting the world from her which just applies more pressure.

I do think everyone of them love each other, but I also think there's also a lot of resentment, frustration and projection going on here, with many utter failures of parenting. These ultimately caused the families relationships to never developed into what they should be and are instead leaving them in an odd sort of limbo; with a lot left unsaid and unhealthy.

[suffarustuffaru]

What do you think would’ve happened if Heinkel had been the one to fall into a coma instead of Louanna? I just think the potential of that is very juicy because like that completely changes the Astrea family dynamics!

oh i ADORE this idea so much!!! arghhh i love astrea family dynamics so much and i really really like each member - though of course i hope we learn more about louanna soon!!! im so curious about her and everyone in the family BUT her is at least decently fleshed out already!! but yes okay this idea is great and also Everyone in these reddit threads have brainstormed all kinds of ideas for Other Astrea Members Falling Comatose (heinkel, reinhard, theresia, or wilhelm) far far better than i could so if anyone seeing this hasnt seen those i highly recommend reading!! super fun ideas going on <3

but yeah my quick two cents on heinkel specifically going comatose is that, like people have mentioned in those threads that stuff would happen differently. marcos doesnt rejoin the royal guard, reinhard probably doesnt get the dp of mind changing, wilhelm might die to the whale instead since heinkel isnt around to get sent on a suicide mission and wilhelm Would Not Back Down from that, etc etc. or did theresia get sent to kill the whale right away while wilhelm like in canon went to deal with the royal family?? that sort of thing.

i think ultimately we dont 100% know what would happen on the louanna side of things just because. we dont know anything about how she was as a person hah so hard to predict!! but i think things would probablyy turn out a little better given everything i just mentioned. and also the bar for how canon went is super low anyway aljsdfl. but yeah i mean louanna seems like she might cope a little better (i mean. shes Probablyy not the type to fall into alcoholism right haha). or she might Also Cope Badly, depending on how you wanna interpret this. and depending on how louanna turns out to be as a person. and Someone is still gonna die to the whale probably. so things are Not That Great and also heinkel being comatose means he wont be head of the house. louanna in this situation either way would need to take charge - both in the sense that uh, in the end it'll just be her and one of reinhard's grandparents left around, and also in the sense that she is reinhards only parent left now. and also reinhard Might get a bit more pressure to hurry into the royal guard sooner. he'll get compared to his comatose MIA dad im sure :(( esp since heinkel is. frozen in time.

theres Always something chilling about how in canon, long term sleeping beauty syndrome victims are just. Stuck. in time. forever frozen. never aging a single day from the moment they were gone. thats Haunting. thats like living with a ghost thats still there. and in this au itd be heinkel!! heinkel whos still at his prime and hasnt truly had a permanent failure yet (losing his mom to the whale, losing louanna to a coma, etc etc), and of course like canon heinkel, louannas left to pick up the pieces which is always really sad to me :(( she and heinkel were young too when all of this started to go wrong T^T like Still Adults, of course, but still young!! like shes 21 and hes 22 T^TT wild stuff.

also i do agree with people who said that louanna might just wack reinhard over the head for kidnapping felt like that. 1000%.

anyway!!! astrea family drama still goes Wrong i think somehow, in another font, if heinkel or anyone else is the one that gets put into a coma :(( it might be better or worse depending on what happens!! and depending on who gets comatose and who Dies!! but yes i think everything goes a bit wrong either way :(( they can never win T^T but itd shift dynamics around every time which is the fun part!!

[liliesonpandora]

Thankful for Tsireya

Plot: Jake expresses his appreciation to Tsireya for staying with Neteyam and wholeheartedly accepting his children.

It had only been a short while since the battle with the demon ship and the burial of Neteyam. Ronal and Tonowari were on high alert, should there be another attack. There were meetings almost every other day, preparing for the worst possibilities.

Although the Sully’s were still in mourning, Jake and Neytiri did not stop their duties. They put everything they had into assisting the Olo’eyktan and Tsahik with leadership. For this was a situation they had yet to face, they needed all the knowledge and expertise on the sky people that they could get.

The kids were doing better it seemed. Tuk had regained some of her innocent adventure and laughter as time went on. Kiri had a way with acceptance, and she understood that her older brother was safe with the great mother.

But Lo’ak… he was grieving the hardest out of all the kids. He had so much sadness and guilt… it seemed to consume him. He isolated himself and tried to help the adults as much as possible. Maybe to make himself useful and regain some control. Or maybe to keep himself from feeling the pain.

Tsireya had walked over to the Sully marui to meet up with him. He was beginning to open up to her again, and she wanted to spend some time being there for him in whatever way he needed her.

They would go to their secret cove, a place only the two of them knew about. They used to practice diving there, and they also shared many secrets with each other. It was just for them… something Lo’ak treasured since he was used to sharing everything with his siblings.

Lo’ak saw Tsireya come around the corner and his eyes lit up at the sight of her. He didn’t realize how much he missed her. When she approached, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She did the same.

“I’m happy to see you,” she said to him.

“I’m so glad you came, I’m sorry I’ve been distant. Please forgive me.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s been so hard for you. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Lo’ak released her and smiled. He took her hand in his and they began to walk towards the ilu station. Just then, Tsireya felt a hand on her shoulder, which prompted her to stop walking. She turned to see that it was Jake’s hand.

“Honey, can I have a word with you?” He asked.

She was taken aback by this sudden request, unsure what it meant. She looked to Lo’ak and he seemed equally confused.

“Dad, what’s this about?” He asked his father.

“You’re not in trouble. It’ll just be a moment, I promise.” He assured her.

She released Lo’ak’s hand and nodded at Jake. “Of course, Toruk Makto. Lo’ak, I’ll meet you soon.”

Lo’ak looked at his father and hesitated before responding. “Okay,” he said before turning to leave. He was certain his father would be talking to Tsireya about him. What else could it be? Maybe he was trying to see how his son was coping? He would wait patiently for her to return and tell him all about it.

Jake and Tsireya walked back to the Sully marui. He got down on one knee so his face was level with hers.

She looked into his eyes and waited for him to speak, wondering what he could want with her. She had never spoken more than a few words to him at a time. From what she saw, he was a strong leader.

But Lo’ak often came to her when he was distressed over his father’s punishments and harsh words. As a result, Tsireya did not have the best view of Jake. Other than the war stories her parents shared, she had only what Lo’ak told her.

Jake took one of her hands in his and spoke. “I just want to thank you, Tsireya.”

She stared at him intently, wondering what she did to deserve this thanks.

Jake noticed her slight confusion, so he continued. “…for staying with my eldest son that day, while my wife and I went back to save my daughters. We appreciate that he was not left alone for all that time. But, that was more than any child your age should have to handle.”

“Neteyam was my friend, of course I’d protect him.” She placed her free hand on top of his to comfort him. “I’m so sorry that this happened. But he is with Eywa now, he won’t be lost.”

Jake shed a tear as he heard this, feeling all the emotions rise up. This young girl was comforting him… when someone should be comforting her. She had been through so much; captured alongside his children. She kept watch over his son’s lifeless body. Yet, she appeared so strong in front of him.

He was at a loss for words, just sorry he brought war to this village. Sorry that another child’s innocence was taken from them. He put his other hand on her cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

She smiled lightly at him and lowered her eyes, now feeling nervous in front of him. She had seen only a few adults cry. And unfortunately, there had been much more these past few weeks than she had seen in her lifetime. While she knew Jake was hurting badly, she could not imagine the severity of the pain.

He continued to speak. “I also…”

Tsireya looked up at the sound of his voice.

“I appreciate how quickly you accepted my children. We left everything behind, everything they’ve known. It’s been incredibly hard on them, but you’ve made it easier. My daughters speak so fondly of you.”

Tsireya’s face brightened up. “They’ve become good friends. Kiri is so wise… she seems to have a special connection with the life here. I’ve learned a lot from her.”

“So, you noticed that too huh?” Jake said with a chuckle. “We’re still tryna figure that part out but yeah… she’s pretty special.”

“And Tuk is adorable. I’ve always wanted a little sister. I hope my mother gives birth to a baby girl.”

“I’ve seen you with my youngest… you’d be an amazing big sister.”

Tsireya grinned at him, her dimples on full display. She was overjoyed to get this compliment. Jake was happy that he could lift her mood.

“And Lo’ak… I know you two have become very close.”

She began to blush, her face becoming warm at the mention of him. Jake took notice of this and thought to himself, ‘young love.’ He knew they had feelings for each other, anyone with eyes could see that.

Of course his son would be bold enough to pursue the chief’s daughter. He hoped that their growing relationship would not stir up too much trouble. But he was glad that his son had a good friend.

“I’m glad he has you, you’re a good influence on him” Jake told her.

“I am glad to have him as well. Lo’ak sees goodness in others… he is free-spirited and open-minded. Thats what I like about him. He learned quickly despite not being from here.”

“I’m starting to see that I underestimate him. He is capable of a lot more than I give him credit for.”

Tsireya did not respond, but she knew in her heart that this was correct. She was respectful in front of elders and held her tongue when necessary… but that didn’t mean she wasn’t thinking it in her head.

“I don’t know if he told you… but he saved me back there,” said Jake.

“He didnt tell me. We havent spoke much about what’s happened… I think he wants to forget.”

Jake’s heart began to ache at the thought of this, but he continued to speak. “We were trapped in the sunken ship and I couldn’t find a way out. Lo’ak found me and told me about the way of water… taught me how to breathe and calm my heart. I wouldn’t have made it out without him.”

Tsireya let out a small gasp. She was so proud of him.

“He told me that you taught him all of that.”

“It was nothing… It is our way, we all learn this from very young.”

“Believe me, Lo’ak’s pretty hard-headed… it’s no small feat to teach him.”

Tsireya put a hand over her mouth and giggled at this. Jake smiled back at her, his heart being mended just a little at her joy.

“You were there for my kids, despite how different they are from you. You have a big heart, your parents should be so proud of you.”

Tsireya was so grateful to hear this. Her father had called her a disappointment the day he learned that she chose to support Lo’ak and Payakan’s bond. She had always done the “right” thing, never slipping up. But she was beginning to see that parents were not always right, sometimes they just did not understand.

“You are a great warrior and leader. That means a lot coming from you, Toruk Makto.”

“Nah honey, that was the past. We’re in your home now. I’m just Lo’ak’s dad.”

She chuckled and felt a bit more comfortable around him than she did before.

“Come on, I’ve kept you away longer than I promised to.” He moved to stand and she did the same.

“I appreciate you speaking with me, Tsireya. I cant thank your parents enough for what they are doing for us. And I felt it only necessary to thank you as well. If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask me. It’s the least I can do in return for what you’ve done for my kids.”

“Okay. Thank you… Lo’ak’s dad,” she said as she smiled at him and turned to make her way to the cove.

Jake chuckled and watched as she dived to her ilu, feeling comforted knowing that his son would be with her.

Hi just wanna say that Tsireya is a blessing and such a sweet character. This is me imagining that she will have a sweet relationship with her future father-in-law lol. But in all seriousness, she went through a lot being there for the Sullys and she is prob traumatized. She deserves appreciation!

[meeeeeeri]

Things that really ANNOYED THE FUCK OUTTA ME while watching OUTER BANKS SEASON 3:

First things first: Big John AKA big old crazy dude

Let's just say that besides being a shitty father figure he also is selfish as fuck. He only decides to appear in John B's life whenever he needs him to do something treasure related, like ok big John, you love your son so much *cough cough*

In other hand, he also is willing to do ANTHING to find el Dorado, and by ANYTHING I mean killing people, tell me that's not what a psychopath would do.

And all the fricking screen time dedicated to the relationship between John B and his father???? Like we get that they need to bond again but DO WE HAVE TO WATCH ALL THE PROCESS?

No thank you Netflix, do better next time

I saw a tik tok that went something like this: Who said Ward is a bad person? Big John? cause if we wanna talk about someone BAD let's talk about Big John...

And yeah, that tik tok literally summes up my opinion about this individual.

Me roasting Big John with this post:

2: Rafe and the girl named Sofia who came out of nowhere

Ok. Don't misunderstand me; the idea of introducing a new character who's gonna play the girlfriend or fuckbuddy of Rafe is super super interesting to me BUT

Can you elaborate more their relationship????? Give more CONTEXT????

They could even use her apparition and do a BOMB ASS side story like idk maybe her being more cruel than Rafe or her having some kind of business relationship with Singh and betraying him in the process... WHATEVER

But I'm just saying that that would have been more interesting than the parental issues between Big Dumbass John and John B

A video of me crying while scenes of John B and his dad appeared on my tv non stop:

LOOK AT HIM HE'S SO CUTE LOVE HIM

3: Sarah and Topper

Don't even get me started on this shit.

When I saw that Sarah went back to flirting with Topper I was like WHA- WHE- WHO

But I'm not gonna question her that much because they are supposed to be playing teenagers, and that's what teenagers and (also) some adults do:

STUPID SHIT

And Topper... I really don't know how to feel about him.

He's like a shark who's ready to attack if he sniffs some blood (Sarah and John B breaking up or having relationship turbulences), but I can't even blame him that much because I feel like he really loves Sarah besides everything, and he really demonstrated it this season by helping the pogues out.

What Topper was replaying in his head when Sarah promised him that she would stay:

4: Sarah's thoughts when she was left with no family, no money and nowhere to go (she was homeless for like a day and decided to cope with it by drinking beer from an abandoned beer tap, ok)

Um... When I say I was expecting her to say something philosophical and life changing and SHE DECIDED TO CONCLUDE HER SPEECH WITH: I really don't know if I'm a pogue or a kook...

SIDE EYE

Girl I KNOW you are 17 but GROW THE FUCK UP.

You've been betrayed by your OWN FATHER and SHOT and nearly KILLED by your BROTHER and that's what you're thinking about???

Jesus Christ have mercy on me

All the build up story around pogues and kooks is really interesting (even tho it's like another form of saying rich and poor people) but when characters say shit like that it really makes no sense.

You have no home, no family, you argued with your bf and he left, and your friends are not there at the moment and YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT THAT IRRELEVANT SHIT? Damn

Ok, I think I am done with most of the things I wanted to say. There are MORE for sure, but these are the most important ones.

I have to be honest with you, I still haven't watched the last episode bc I really got tired of their bullshit. I love the show and I really love the characters, but this season just wasn't it. I am gonna try and finish it today with hopes that they will end it in a decent way (I don't think so but whatever).

It's not a secret by the end of this post that I'm a spanish native speaker so, yeah, I tried my best to write down correctly the ideas that I had about the show, so PLEASE don't come at me.

I'm also writing a fanfiction about Rafe, but I'm doing it in spanish because I feel like if I wrote it in english I would fuck it up.

Maybe I will try and start uploading Rafe imagines or smth like that, bc they would be shorter and easier to write for me.

PLEASE if you have any thoughts or a comment that you wanna add after reading my rant, just do it, I'm for sure gonna be answering y'all because I love to talk about the show and the characters.

BYE P4L

[yellowjacketslesbian]

What do you think Van's relationship with religion is like, before and after the crash?

hey!! I love this question because I actually have a whole hc for this!!!

pre-crash I hc that Van was raised catholic and went through catechism (with Nat & Laura Lee). I think she partially did confirmation because of family pressure, but also because I think she has always been someone who searches for meaning in the world around her, and I think she looked to the church as a way to find that meaning as a kid because it was all she knew. (I think Van's parents were probably more along the lines non-practicing catholics, and only really went to mass for major holidays, but they still really pushed for her to get confirmed to keep up appearances with extended family).

I think Van left the church sometime in middle school after she fully realized / came to terms with being a lesbian. (I personally hc that Van's dad left when she was 12 or 13 and her mom's issues got worse after, so she also didn't have the same family pressure to stay in the church). however, I believe she still held onto some of the mysticism of the church / saint lore, etc. she grew up with and she more was rejecting an organized religion she knew wouldn't accept her, rather than all of the beliefs (though I don't think she would necessarily admit that to herself).

as far as immediately pre-crash, I think Van probably used humor to cope and deflect from any religious trauma by high school and probably would have described herself as a recovered catholic / atheist, if it ever came up.

I also think having that common background of being raised catholic and rejecting that upbringing was something she bonded over with Taissa pre-crash (it's canon that at least Tai's grandmother was catholic). I can definitely picture them being their sarcastic selves together and making quips back and forth through an entire Christmas Eve midnight mass they both got dragged to.

I also think having that common background adds some additional context to their fight in the attic in S1E10. like if rejecting religion and supernatural explanations for the world around them, is something they bonded over, there's an added layer there when Van suddenly believes in this supernatural thing and Taissa is still firmly an atheist.

(I could write a whole thesis separate thesis here on why it makes so sense that Van believed so fervently in the supernatural element and embraced the cult practices as a way to make sense of that terrifying time in the wilderness, assuming a catholic upbringing. tldr: in my personal experience, it's fairly common for people who have dealt with specifically catholic religious trauma to be more susceptible to that type of influence because of the beliefs we were raised with).

anyway, post-crash I think Van struggled a lot to cope with the things they did in the wilderness and kind of just completely shut off all belief in anything instead of actually facing what they did. I also think she's going to go back to her belief in the wilderness after being cured of cancer in S3 because she never actually worked through any of her trauma, and therefore, is still very susceptible to falling back into that acolyte role.

also, if the crash never happened, I think Van would've been the type of recovered catholic who gets into like spirituality as a way to make sense of the world (tarot cards, astrology, etc.)

tldr: I think Van was raised catholic but is an atheist both pre and post-crash

[pollenallergie]

OKAY OKAY i’m horny and sad so i cope by building onto your sahd billy thoughts. when he first found out that you’re finally pregnant, being a dad was all he could think about. it reminded him of his own childhood, and you watched that despite the joy he was facing, his anxiety was a crushing force. so in your third trimester after you’ve gotten your maternity leave in order, you sit down and clasp your hands over billy’s before making a proposition. during the initial 8 weeks of maternity leave your job has granted you, he can resolve any of his carpentry jobs that he hasn’t finished before the arrival of the baby. however, once you return to work, would he consider staying home with the baby for your peace of mind? both of you know it’s as much about him as it is you, but he jumps at the chance. when you welcome your gorgeous daughter into the world, he cries harder knowing that he’ll be the one to help her grow. he’s nervous around her at first, but he has such strong parental instincts that even if he fumbles with tasks, he usually knows how to sooth the baby. he spends his days with her reading books and going out for walks in a sling that was definitely designed for women. he’s so diligent about making sure she never spends more than 15 minutes in a dirty diaper, and is the only one besides you who can quiet her when she gets gassy. seeing the parental instincts in billy make you wildly horny, and you bet your ass that if the baby is with grandparents or has gone to sleep that you’re giving billy sloppy head and letting him pull your panties to the side and fuck you deep and hard in a combo of desperation and the need for speed. no medication he’s ever taken compares to seeing you come in the door with groceries after work and beelining to him to kiss your two favorite people. i have more thoughts about when the next kids come along and pregnancy, but i’m exhausted so just expect more soon!!-🍊

snskenjdndkdkfkfj i apologize in advance for the lackluster response but!!! ik that you recently sent in another ask and like i’m very stoked about you being back!! you were very much missed!! so i wanted to like respond to this ask as a thank you!!! and also i will absolutely try to have a response ready for your most recent ask by the end of the year!! its just that like… school b kicking my ass rn! but after finals, i should have more than enough time to read it and obsess over it and reply to it in the most feral, unhinged way possible 💖💖💖

love youuuu

also yes!! to all of this!!!! he’s soooo diligent about making sure his darling baby girl is properly taken care of, so much so that he is absolutely the kinda dad who is super reluctant to let your (drunk) relatives hold her at family gatherings. like if uncle jim has had more than two beers, i’m sorry, but billy is not letting him hold his beautiful, fragile, delicate baby girl. absolutely not. no way. at times he’s maybe a bit overprotective, but it’s only because he values the safety and happiness of his family above all else. he’ll do anything and everything to make sure the love of his life, his lifelong partner, the owner of one half of his heart and his beautiful baby, his darling girl, his little angel, the owner of the other half of his heart, are both safe and happy and loved and content, just as you would do for him and for your daughter. you’re two of the most doting, most nervous parents in the world, but it’s hard not to be when the very product of your love is so damn adorable and also, unfortunately, still damn tiny and so damn fragile. but, let’s be honest, even when your beautiful girl is no longer quite so small and helpless and so easily put in danger (she could be dropped, she could be shaken, she could choke!! oh my god there’s so many things to worry about!!!), you’ll still fret over her endlessly. of course, as she grows older and more independent, you’ll both give her the space she needs to mature and find herself, but you’ll never really stop worrying about her and you’ll never really stop trying to dote on her and to care for her. you’ll absolutely be the parents who visit her while she’s away at school and bring just sooo much food with you and, oh gosh, if billy notices that her and her roommates don’t have gloves, he’s gonna immediately knit them all a pair because “it’ll be winter soon! you two could get frostbite! you need gloves!” as she gets older this sort of fretting will begin to annoy her, and when she’s a teen it’ll absolute infuriate her at times, but eventually she’ll grow to appreciate it, and, when she’s your age, with a baby of her own, she’ll look back on all those years of ceaseless doting and fretting and fussing fondly. of course, even when she has a baby of her own, blessing you and billy with your first grandbaby, you’ll still continue to dote on her and to fret over her, even as you dote on and fret over your new grandbaby too. you and billy will probably be the kind of parents who show up to the hospital while she’s in labor with huge care-packages for her and the new baby and your son-in-law, making sure all of your loves are properly taken care of. and billy’ll definitely cry when he hold his grandchild for the first time, just as he did when he held his daughter for the first time, just as he did when he held each of her siblings for the first time. <3