#but the n*zi stuff really really puts me off.

[songforten]

gomez!master is by far the best one of nuwho and I will NOT hear otherwise. she feels so much like delgado!master in that her motivations are not exclusively world domination. even before her redemption arc in s10, she has a complex agenda of her own and sometimes that means her goals align with those of the doctor’s. i love seeing the master team up with companions it’s my absolute favorite thing. her dynamic with clara is absolutely fascinating and i find the “i want my friend back” motivation to be five million times more interesting than the “i want to Destroy You Forever” motivation or whatever it was that dhawan!master had going on

[mamabirbsnz]

CW/// dumb discourse, yes this is about the breathing stim that was mistaken for "moaning" and they are tripling down on it.

The screenshot below is a deleted post insulting me and my appearance (though tbf I had it coming since I poked the bear in the first place with my anon hate. It was shitty of me to do, I lashed out because they vague posted about my vague post, but I should have just left it alone. I promise I'll never do that ever again.)

If you care (if you don't I don't blame you lol) you can click to see more. I'm not gonna tag this because I don't want people to harass them. I don't want you guys to "stand up" for me. Just leave it be, please. We both just want to move on.

And I'm going to be completely transparent about my feelings and my actions. I am defending my stance while at the same time taking accountability.

For context: This was the anon post that I sent, lashing out because they said "is your bf so bad in bed that you have to jerk off to random strangers?" (Also sorry about that last part to my bri'ish followers. I don't hate bri'ish people, I'm just saying it because they would never shut the fuck up about their emo british crush)👇👇👇

Hey @sneezyonmain

Maybe don't make fun of someone for having a big nose? Like it's kinda giving anti-semitism. Even if you apologized for it, you still kept it up for 3 days without thinking about the implications. And the other people liking it too and not thinking about it being lowkey a n*zi dogwhistle? Just kinda rancid tbh. I don't really accept your apology tbh, seems kinda just like you're doing damage control.

I was going to ignore this shit and just let it go because I'm so tired of it, until my friend sent that anon ask without even asking me first. I don't condone that and I'll have a word with them about it. Sorry you had to deal with that, genuinely, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. That's the whole point of the vague posting, is to NOT send harassment towards anyone. (Which I know that's hypocritical of me to say, but I mean what else can I say? I'll do better from now on)

Idc what you say about me. You can disrespect me, talk shit about me in your server, on your blog, whatever. I'm completely secure about my big nose, but when you come after my bf and the ones I love, that's when I start resulting to petty insults. Sorry I called you ugly, but I'm not sorry about anything else. Especially since you still haven't even addressed the sexual harassment allegations.

Also me posting my face isn't really doxxing myself? At least it isn't to me. I'm very open about my OF and am secure with my appearance. I like making my content and it's kinda SWERF-y of you to shit on my OF too. Just saying. 🤷‍♀️

Honestly, being banned was a blessing in disguise, because I've seen the shit that you, Reed, and summer said about me. Calling me a bitch and telling me to get therapy when I vented. I never even brought any of this shit up in my own server because I wanted it to die and move on. I'm not proud of sending the anon hate, it's a shitty thing to do. But I don't take back anything that I said apart from calling you ugly, insulting your taste in men, and all that mean shit. I've defended myself enough and it's time to put this dumb feud to rest. I started it, and I'm ending it.

I've said my side and at this point it's literally just exhausting thinking about this stuff. Idc, stay in your echo chamber. I'm still standing strong by my word that I did not masturbate in vc. I'm holding my ground that it is just a breathing stim. My friends know about it, my boyfriend knows about it. He kinda thinks of it as "idle noises." Even though I cannot prove it because it was a vc, I know what I did. My REAL friends believe me. And that's all I need. Nobody there was ever a real friend to me with the exception of a few select people.

I am saying this to you not as your "enemy", but just as a human being: Please for the love of god get some therapy if it is available to you or something because that behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Like for your own sake, please get some help. 🙏

Sincerely, Macaw

[breederspolls]

Hi, this is the poll blog for @deerboybreeder ! It's also where I'm putting some of the stuff I'm too afraid to put on main to prevent getting nuked.

You can call me Deer, breeder, cunt, whore, womb, whatever you want really! I'm ftm but fine with being misgendered so you can get off, and I'm 27 years old.

DISCLAIMER: Anything you find particularly disturbing, you can assume is fantasy. I'm very pro risk-aware consensual kink, so some content may be risky but I am an adult who knows my limits. I also support harm reduction when it comes to $H and 3D's, and I don't want you interacting if you're a bigot outside of kink. DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT IF YOURE A MINOR AND HAVE YOUR AGE LISTED ON YOUR BLOG SOMEWHERE OR I WILL BLOCK YOU!

PLEASE SEND POLL IDEAS, RAPE THREATS, AND INSULTS!

Dark kinks will be present on this blog, including but not limited to 3D related topics, s3lf h@rm, s\/ic1d3, rape and more. The main kinks will be hunger play, rape, breeding and dehumanization related, with a sprinkle of gender play here and there.

Do not send me: Poll ideas about race play, incest/fauxcest, n@zi shit even as a kink, transphobia directed at anyone but me, fatphobia at anyone but me, piss/scat related questions, or requests for photos (I'm owned and that's a boundary).

Do send me: Graphic rape threats, mutilation fantasies, degrading porn or hypnosis files/videos, demands for trauma stories to get off to, poll ideas, fantasies about hurting me in general, insults, transphobia directed at me only, invasive questions especially about my system, and general hateful messages!

My top kinks are obviously breeding and pregnancy, noncon, intox (especially forced intox!), stalking/kidnapping, hunger play, lactation, breath play, gender play/detrans (less so misgendering directly? A focus on feminizing the body and using feminine terms aside from woman or calling me she/her, go for it/its if you want to misgender me), hypnosis, brainwashing, manipulation, gaslighting, cameras, blackmail, dumbification, degradation, and forced masc! I contain multitudes lol (literally, I have DID!)

I'm also exploring ageplay without the fauxcest (ie a Dom would be a family friend or stranger as a role instead of the usual daddy/mommy title), and religious kink in a really weird way that corresponds with my current system of beliefs- I have Christianity based religious trauma, which you're allowed and encouraged to exploit! I've considered corruption kink, but so far so much of it seems like just making someone do what I already enjoy lol, but if I'm wrong please teach me!

Anything that isn't the polls will be tagged "not polls", and the polls will be tagged "just the polls" for ease of access! Feel free to send me Poll ideas because I love love love love being manipulated by strangers on the internet!

DO NOT ASK ME FOR PHOTOS I DONT SEND NUDES

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Thank you for that post about To. and I am so sorry about everything. This was so well put together and not throwing around straight insults in each sentence. I see both sides throwing around hate without even explaining their sides of why they're sticking up for him or why they're mad. I was also one of the people giving him a chance to come back and apologize, people say stuff in the moment all the time and I felt like he deserved that chance. But, then he just left.

At first I thought his post was okay, I understand not getting neopronouns, not liking the idea of people showing too much at pride parades, or people under 18 getting surgery. Those are things I could understand but when the n*zi and racism down play happened? I was in shock and upset. Still, I wanted to at least give him a chance to comeback fresh and see if he would apologize... but he left.

If I'm being honest. Both sides weren't handled at all properly and you guys who explain it make it so much better to understand then others just writing it off as hate, telling people to kys, or getting called cis and not trans, which I am, as an insult. Everyone is still upset so I'm letting it go but I will stand by what I said and if that gets me hated just for giving him a chance or not supporting either side than that's okay. Thank you again for your amazing post and I hope you have a wonderful day.

TW: I’ll be detailing some of my experiences subtly and trying not to go into full detail.

Hi there. I don’t know who you are, but thank you for reaching out.

There’s a lot I want to say on Tom’s views, but many people have done that for me with their own time and energy and I appreciate them. I’m going to use this space to come out and say that I use neopronouns now in light of the situation. You’re allowed to use he/him, they, them, and fae/faer/faers when talking about me. I’ve been wanting to use these pronouns since first learning about them back in…idk…2014(?), but….I’m Black and of indigenous heritage, it’s hard enough being nonbinary on top of everything.

I highly suggest taking courses in gender and sociology, it was one of the most informative and open spaces for discussing gender, gender expressions, and touches on intersectionality within the Black community and being Queer during my college years as someone who was told that if I entered those spaces that I’d be molested…despite that happening more in the spaces I shared with cis/straight people .

I will echo what a lot of people have said and what I know from my own personal research as a trans person in an unsupportive family and as someone whose partner’s adopted little brother is going through: Children don’t go through gender affirming surgeries. In some cases, a 16 year old can with expressed consent from a therapist, their parents, and themselves. And honestly? It’s no one’s business. Out side of that, most children are placed on hormone blockers until they’re over 18 and able to take the right hormone replacements to experience puberty properly and develop what they need to before surgeries are viable.

On the topic of pride, in my experience in both small communities and going to San Francisco pride, there are safe spaces for children. Parades usually have an itinerary that parents can look at and guide their children appropriately. I am 100% on the side that human bodies aren’t inherently sexual as a demisexual person. It’s on the parents to PARENT their children appropriately, not complete strangers just trying to exist and feel good about themselves for ONCE instead of being afraid of hatred, death….so much…it’s so fucking much…

That being said….yes, I wanted to give him space. I really wanted to give him a chance to do better, but he’s going to have to do a lot more now before I forgive him or accept an apology and actually move on and want to engage with his content again. I just want people to really sit and conceptualize the situation and just how much people are hurting. And if I have to be that voice, then I will be. Please bare with me. 🙏🏽

Again….no harassment towards anyone. You’re allowed to realize your mistakes and apologize, but there’s work you need to do to make it stick.

Edit: Also, people are allowed to be upset, but there’s a line when you send death threats. I AM, however, in the sentiment that the only good N*zi is a dead one. Half of my family didn’t flee to America for no reason- if they weren’t already fighting against them. Those are harsh words, but it’s my truth seeing the PAIN it’s caused my family first hand. I wouldn’t ever wish that on anyone, but you are NOT in good standing with me if you support any form of N*zism.

[tunas-universe]

Intro! 🇵🇸🇨🇩🇸🇩🇱🇧

Hi! My name is Tuna! I draw and write stuff!

Fandoms I’m in:

- Pokemon (specifically URS bc those little guys are underrated, I like Adaman and N too they’re goobers :))

- The Walten Files

- Sym Bionic Titan

Fandoms I dabble in:

- My Hero Academia (not a huge fan of the manga or anime anymore and am AVOIDING the fandom until my last breath but I’ll still make posts about stuff that catch my eye or rework old OCs!)

- Genshin (I try to stay away from the fandom as much as I can due to what I’ve heard about all the toxicity, but I sometimes chat with other players!)

- Heartsteel (those guys are silly)

Facts:

- I just turned 18 yesterday! But still, I won’t tolerate any creeps on my profile, like, go touch grass

- I have autism, which has been the cause of all of my hyperfixations

- I go by she/they pronouns!

- I wear varsity jacket hoodies (despite never having been in sports bc I have noodle limbs and shit throwing game), crop tops, turtleneck tops (can you tell I’m gay lol), baggy pants, big cardigans or sweatshirts, and knee socks!

- My music taste is everywhere, but I like alt rock, hyperpop, white girl music, and I do listen to some hip hop-rap

DNI if:

- You are a bigot (racist, homophobic, transphobic, TERF, sexist, abelist, anti-semitic or Islamophobic, support N/zis, etc.)

- Pro-Zi*nist

- Pro-p/doph/lia, pro-i//cest, pro-ab/use, just a pro-sh///er in general, as well as toxic shippers

- You are a creep, art beggar, or super nasty and problematic, I really do not want drama on or related to this page

- A cheater, I’ve had unfavorable past experiences with an ex I’d rather not get into, but it will piss me off

- An AI “artist”, lets be real, you have no talent, steal others work, and put no effort into it, it’s not “art”

- A zooph//e, M/P, or support either of those

Feel free to block me if you’re any of these! 😁

Art Style Examples:

[crowtrobotx]

Controversial opinion, but it needs to be said: in all these past 3 years, most Wintersberg shippers are guilty of being unnecessarily hostile and toxic towards other creators and fans. I've never seen any Heisenberg x OC shipper pull the same shit as they have. I know not all who like this ship are bad apples, but it can't be denied either that a good chunk are responsible for stirring up shit the most.

This feels like me swinging a bat at a hornet's nest but... yeah, lol. There's not a lot of people around from the peak of Village's popularity, but if you were in the trenches with me you'll remember how VICIOUS some of these people got (there was also the N*zi discourse which... holy hell.) TikTok was truly horrible - people posting multi-video dissertations about why women were problematic and bad for enjoying a pixel man, folks getting doxxed over headcanons, general bullying and insults being flung left and right... Tumblr wasn't much better but at least there were enough sane folks here that I could withstand the worst of it. While it's definitely gotten better, there seems to have been a small resurgence of this behavior recently and.... come on, man. Definitely not all of them are like this. I have quite a few good friends who enjoy the ship and that's great! But imo they tend to be the folks who are just... open to all kinds of stuff. As you said - it's never the x oc or x canon or rare pair folks who are starting shit. Obviously I would condemn anyone going to one of these folks and lighting up their notifs if they aren't talking shit or harassing anyone, but the only people who've been called out are the people putting garbage in the main tags or incessantly posting filth about how the girls are in THEIR room, Mommmm!!!! I think I've talked before about how it's incredibly weird and kind of amusing to me that the people in fandom who are catered to the most are always the ones shitting their pants whenever they see one (1) thing that they disagree with. Like do these people understand how much stuff I have blocked that they enjoy, stuff that I don't feel the need to make fun of them for because they're just??? vibing??? Why does this not work both ways? Why, instead of creating content you enjoy and hanging around the folks who share your opinions, do you feel the need to mock people or (perhaps more disturbingly) write university dissertations about why You Alone Are Correct. Holy shit, man. And these are the people telling us to log off? Yikes. I think the funniest thing in the world tho is when you see these people post in response about how "it's not that serious" or they "don't really care" and inviting folks to disagree with them because they're just an internet stranger, but you absolutely know the second that you do, they're going to freak out lol. It can't be both ways - either you're actually trying to hurt people but are unwilling to admit it, or you truly are "joking" and are a terrible comedian.

[sweetrays]

Warning: rant about negative things & controversial opinions ahead

!!this is not an active discourse post!!

Block if you disagree with the following. This will not turn into a dumb online argument. (I'm just screaming into the void leave me alone)

Not meaning to offend anybody but something that's been pissing me off lately is people who have the most outlandish intro DNI I have ever seen.

I'm talking about the people who have a whole ass 3 page paragraph consisting of every type of person they do not condone.

Semi-hyperbolic example of some of the shit I've seen:

DNI: MAPS, zoos, transphobes, homophobes, abelists, sexists, racists, proshippers, transmeds, right-wing, n*zis, murderers, cannibals, skinwalkers, cryptids, serial killers, John Travolta, vampire supporters, Ted Bundy, DSMP supporters, (insert any media with a canceled creator here)

Like it's so oddly specific. And half the stuff they put in there isn't even something to not condone. Like for instance 'proshipping' just means that you're a normal person who understands that people can enjoy dark things & thought crimes are not real crimes. There's no such thing as an 'illegal' ship/dynamic/character/personality. Characters are like NPCs in a video game, do what you want with them.

Also the 'zoophillia' they do not condone is usually referring to online attention seekers who label themselves as such for clout.

And same goes for 'transmedicalism' which is just about understanding that being trans is not a choice and there is no such thing as a non-dysphoric trans person. Like why have we as a society gotten to a point where medically proven facts are up for debate in the leftist communities?? I don't understand

It's ridiculous honestly and I blame the pandemic for making people like this. Before 2020, literaly no one cared what people wrote about in fanfiction. Now everything is 'problematic' ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

--

The other half of the stuff in their DNI is just pointless to put on a platform like Tumblr.

Tumblr is a platform where the majority of users are leftists or left-leaning so I don't understand why people find the need to put things such as LGBTphobes, n*zis, Trump supporter, etc in their DNI. Even if there were right-wing accounts who saw your blog, they would probably just block you on sight without reading your introduction because of your instant-red-flag picrew profile picture.

My final issue with these DNIs is the fact that they usually don't condone people who view content made by problematic creators. For example, people who watch DSMP videos on YouTube. As if those people are inherently as 'problematic' as the creators. (Half the time those creators haven't even done anything really wrong)

--

To conclude this rant, I'd say that your average 'woke' fourteen-year-old's general DNI criteria is a waste of time to put in your bio. Besides, a lot of the time, people who see themselves in your DNI will just get offended and try to argue instead of not interacting with you. Instead, just use the block feature when you see someone online that makes you upset or uncomfortable.

[septembersghost]

The reason why this is bothering me is also because she is literally with a man who was doing nazi salute, is a racist, is a misogynist while she herself spoke up against it and said " There’s literally nothing worse than white supremacy. It’s repulsive. There should be no place for it." As a POC WHY IS SHE WITH A MAN WHO DID THIS WHEN SHE HERSELF IS AGAINST IT? Dont even get me started on the disgusting comments he made about her

i know it, and i hear you all and share in this distress and empathize so much, it's just really hard because we can't affect or change it, which makes me unsure where we go from here.

my inbox was overflowing, but i didn't publicly talk much about the breakup because i was hesitant to speak about something we honestly have next to no information about, and for me (i know a lot of fans haven't felt this way, and that's fine, just speaking for myself), joe has never done anything to warrant vilifying him that we can concretely point to. inferences from surprise songs don't actually tell me anything. inferences from PR-speak articles don't either. i cannot claim to know what he/she/they did or said or what happened between them that ended their relationship, nor do i feel it's my place to do so. i can also admit honestly that i fell into the trap of romanticizing, because the songs she wrote were so beautiful and moving that it captivated my hopeless romantic heart in wanting to believe it would last and in rooting for their happiness (and some of that is projection, which i can also admit, because i don't know what it's like to experience a love like that, so it was a golden ideal in my head). if we eventually get more information or the situation changes in some way, then we can discuss it more, but as it stands, joe's only "crime" is...not being able to cope with the intense spotlight anymore? being too introverted (an accusation that hurts my feelings personally lol)? not showing up for her (definitely would be an issue)? we have no real idea, but to our knowledge, he also has no abusive or harmful behavior on record, and i'm still grateful she had him in her life, and that their love existed, and that the music still exists forever.

matty's whole deal is...like the opposite? which maybe that's what she's seeking right now, again, we don't and can't know. but it would be one thing if he was, like, a ~bad boy~ reputation with no verifiably harmful words and actions, and that isn't the case. he's said and done rancid stuff, and it's off-putting and confusing at the least, repulsive and bigoted at the worst.

i assume the misogynistic comments he made about her (which! ironically fans were accusing joe of thinking somehow, even though he's never once said anything close to that. um?), he apologized for or they worked out amongst themselves years ago directly, and i said this to animalanon in a comment yesterday (😞 we love you, animalanon!), but the problem here is that, while there absolutely should be space to forgive people for mistakes and for grace following growth and recognition and whatever apology might be warranted - if matty had only done these things when he was in his twenties, i'd say, hey, people change, let's not immediately judge here, but it's all very recent. we're not discussing antics from a decade ago, we're discussing abhorrent comments from, like, six weeks ago. what he said about harry, what he said about ice spice which then extended into further racism, the n/zi salute, the edgelord behavior, it's all current, and the closest thing he did as far as remorse goes was an "i'm sorry if you're offended" apology, which isn't an actual apology. so. yeah. it's not great!

(i'm also very selfishly sad as a fan that all of this has taken away from tour and the celebration of her career and now even the joy for SNTV, which we've been waiting for so excitedly!)

he 100% deserves to be called out on these things, and we should question her willingness to associate herself with him when the things he has done are antithetical to everything she says she stands for and has spoken against. idk it feels demoralizing and helpless since there's nothing we can do but watch it unfold and hope for the best (she comes to her senses and emerges unscathed). we can allow her room to be human and flawed while still disagreeing (and feeling concern, which i do) where need be.

[bonesdoesart]

Updated void post

Hiya, friends! If any of you are here because of my old "speaking directly into the void" post, let it be known now that many of those fandoms I am no longer in OR I've moved on to a different one currently.

I have decided to update it in the form of a completely new post, so PLEASE disregard the old one!!

I can never really tell when a fandom I get into is going to be a special interest or a hyperfixation until at least a month or so passes. I have some fandoms I've been in for YEARS and I'll never stop loving them, while others only last maybe a few weeks. I'm only including special interest fandoms on this post, but rest assured that they're not the only fandoms I'll post about, they're just my main interests.

My main fandoms are...

Venture Brothers

Metalocalypse

Doctor Who

Slenderverse

Mlp

And...that's about it. LMAO

Okay but seriously I only really have maybe four fandoms that I'm neck deep in, but that's not gonna be the only fandom content I post on here!!

Also, I'm gonna put my DNI criteria on this post too so I can weed out the Weirdos....

DNI if you're...

A minor (I actively promote my adult Twitter blog on here and also post suggestive stuff. I don't feel comfortable having kids follow me, especially since my main interests are catered to adults. I'm not gonna go out of my way to block minors because I don't post straight up nsfw but just know!!! It makes me feel. Weird)

A transphobe (I'm trans. Get the fuck outta here 👉)

Homophobic (I'M GAY GET OUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME)

A n*zi (self explanatory.)

Any kind of trans radicalist (there's a whole spectrum for being trans, and I may be part of the majority of folks who experience dysphoria and want surgery, that doesn't mean other trans people have to be that way.)

A proshipper (EUGH. DISGUSTING. GO AWAY)

Ai "artists" and NFT weirdos (I hate all of you)

Ableist in any way (I'm neurodivergent, please piss off ❤)

Anyway, that about wraps up this annoyingly long post. Thanks for following if you have! And anyone who has it, feel free to stick around, I post art sometimes LOL

[mickmundy]

Are there any other tf2 ships you really like/would ever write about?

honestly....? probably not lol. medic/sniper and heavy/spy are my favorite tf2 ships and while there are other ships i like/appreciate, i don't know that i'd be able to like... Write Fics about them ykwim? and i wouldn't want to put out writing that's "mediocre" just for the sake of writing for other ships... so i'm not Swearing It Off but at this time, probably not.

also i Personally navigate shipping under the basic philosophy of "none of them are romantically compatible until 'proven' otherwise" LOL as in... i think ships Are Good because the works people make for those ships are Compelling ykwim... not by default of the characters just being pushed together (though this isn't me knocking those who do this. i do it sometimes too! i'm talking about when it comes to like... Writing Full Fledged Pieces with Character Development etc!). with tf2 i feel this especially since there is not a lot of lore and all of the characters get along on a pretty even playing field... also i don't take every single voice line or canon crumb as like. The Gospel, either... sldflksjfd.,., mostly because i don't really care about canon and i think that if you're so entirely obsessed with Everything Being Canon then why even engage with transformative works in the first place lol... i don't care if you make the mercs "ooc" or whatever by expanding on their personalties and making them deeper than their voicelines... in fact i encourage it!! as long as you aren't making them Objectively Shitty [racist, homophobic, r*pists, transmisogynistic, n*zis, p*dophiles etc] i really don't care what you do with them lol.

i've never filled out a shipping chart because i think Antagonistically talking about stuff you hate (ie ragging on Harmless Ships and putting it where fans of Said Harmless Ship can see it) is just kind of lame and any time a shipping chart comes up it just invites stupid discourse that i don't care about lol. i prefer just talking about stuff i like! like this:

anyway. getting it out of the way to say that pyro, scout and sniper are all Grown Adults (27+ years old) and Very Capable people. ships with them are not Problematic unless you make them that way. people who baby them catch an instant block from me lmaooo. but anyway!

my Favorite tf2 ships are Probably:

god tier: bushmed and spoovy (<- or the 4 of them as a polycule. or medic/sniper/heavy! HEHE) i adore you immensely: admin/pauling, spy/scout's mom, sniper/spy, engie/spy/sniper, demo/sniper Cool because my oomfies and friends like it and i trust their interpretations Basically Exclusively: everything/anything else

and the only one i Hate is spy/sc*ut for obvious reasons lol. the rest... go have fun/good for you/yippee/that's awesome!!!!!!!!! hehe!

so i guess if i did make content for other ships it would probably be for these? but it would involve a lot more research/energy than i'm currently willing to devote to fics that aren't spoovy or bushmed :'( i might be open to answering lil ask memes about other ships but for the most part i think i'm content to leave other ship stuff to the suits in washington (my huge brained friends and mutuals)!

[whatdwellsintheabyss]

I really dislike you. Not that I'll ever say that to your face, but you piss me off and I wish you weren't here. Why did you have to fall in love with both of them?

I can feel it, they're gonna realize they're bored of me, that they don't actually love me and they actually just get really excited about talking to me, it's gonna happen again and I can't do jack shit about it.

It probably won't actually happen, that's just how my brain is. I shouldn't assume the worst about people, but I don't trust as easily as I would like to. Even if I've known you for years, there is still a piece of me that doesn't trust you. I can't trust you not to abandon me, I'm like a dog that trails behind you everywhere you go, I can't see myself anywhere without you, I don't like it when you aren't there. So when you left earlier without telling me? I wasn't happy about it. It happened 3 times and you didn't even say anything the last time, hell, you didn't say anything the first two times until I told you. I was clearly not there and you didn't think to say something before I dm'd you? "hey where are you guys?" and then you call me stupid for it, YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME. I'm sick of being treated like I don't know anything, I know it's silly and I'm in on the joke too, but at this point it feels like you're just being mean.. it isn't funny anymore!! you act like you're soooo much smarter than me for knowing math when I have dyscalculia! it isn't funny anymore! I can't help it! stop treating me like a child! stop treating me like I don't know stuff! stop patronizing me when I'm doing math!

I don't trust the people you keep bringing around, they're unfamiliar and they make me uncomfortable, "braindead," they say, I don't know them, they don't know me! We've met like thrice! I don't like how they joined in on a joke you brought to the table! The other one pulled out an avatar that was straight up wearing a n*zi uniform! That isn't funny! you weren't there for the "twitter pronouns" thing that they said but I was! they make me uncomfortable and I don't know how to say anything to you. Out of the people you've introduced to me through your other bf I have only liked one of them! I'm iffy on the one who called me braindead cause I don't know much about her and she hasn't been unpleasant like the other one.

I don't like this, I'm scared, I'm scared of you, I'm scared of the people around you, I don't like them but I can't say anything about them because you like them! and I know that if I say something about it you're gonna say "but you said it was okay if I started dating them," and I did! because I'm always putting you above myself! I'm always telling you to chase happiness while I destroy myself over it! it isn't your fault I'm like this! it isn't his fault either! Sometimes I just wish I could abandon you before I lash out at you and the people you love. I could never though. You have issues with that too, I would worsen them in my pursuit of not hurting you even more. I would cause problems no matter what approach I took, if I ghost? it would suck. If I just tell you? you probably wouldn't want anything to do with me, jealousy rears it's ugly head whenever that guy is around. You're disgustingly sweet with him. And you're engaged too? You met a couple months ago, you move to fast. Remember when you invited me to make a wedding board with you on pinterest? probably not, we both forgot about that anyways. But still! how come I only heard of it YESTERDAY? why didn't you fucking tell me? I might not be poly with the other one but we're still fucking dating, you can't just pretend all of your relationships are separate entities! Why didn't you tell me this? why did I have to overhear it from him instead of being directly told! I bet they knew about this! but not me? you've known me the longest! and you didn't even bother to tell me you're engaged? fuck. Ugh. I don't like thinking about this, I don't like writing about this, I don't like anything about this! I like to veer into toxic positivity because what even am I without it? a sad miserable little mess! "life is great!" I say, literally sobbing my heart out. I'm tired of being the fun guy but what even am I if I'm not? what purpose do I serve if I'm not bringing a little joy to the people around me? what am I if my little jokes can't cheer someone up a little? I don't know. I always have this stupid little front up, it's the reason the idiot joke has stayed so long, I do things that play into it to make my friends laugh. Even if I'm the one they're laughing at.

[mystiika]

throwback to when i put together a death personified oc who could look like anything or anyone but took the form of a single human that it met who knows how many centuries ago, so she could live on after her passing in her own special kind of way. she was so pure & calming to death that she became the form it took whenever interactions with life forms was necessary. death was ultimately so kind & did their job as compassionately & empathetically it could. i kinda miss them sometimes tbh but it was such a heavy muse that i couldn't really keep it up compared to other stuff. their personality was heavily inspired by the book thief by markus zusak because of how death was the narrator. & also just other stuff i was reading at the time that made me sort of reassess how i thought about death like tuesday's with morrie by mitch albom ( an author i genuinely think is one of my favs btw. the time keeper among others is just chefs kiss honestly ).

but with the book thief, specifically the way death introduces themself as the first thing in the novel really stuck with me. all the observable things that death would notice at the moment someone passes. but these two parts man...

" it suffices to say that at some point in time, i will be standing over you, as genially as possible. your soul will be in my arms. a color will be perched on my shoulder. i will carry you gently away. "

&

" the question is, what color will everything be at the moment when i come for you? what will the sky be saying? personally, i like a chocolate-colored sky. dark, dark chocolate. people say it suits me. i do, however, try to enjoy every color i see — the whole spectrum. a billion or so flavors, none of them quite the same, and a sky to slowly suck on. it takes the edge off the stress. it helps me relax. "

it just felt so... human, while also incredibly isolating. it's been years since i first read that novel too & i'll never forget that introduction, if nothing else. i do tend to avoid books about the holocaust, not because of a sort of discomfort out of the topic, more so from the sadness & frustration from being brought up jewish & knowing a lot more than i care to. it's also surprisingly difficult to find books that don't feel overwhelmingly like n*zi apologist stories ( ahem boy in the striped pajamas i'm looking at you ).

but yeah ! this is sort of where my mind is at the last couple days while working on an ask that's ended up with a fair bit of death involved ( so sorry warren )

anyway i've got a friend staying over this weekend so probably won't be on very much until next week but who knows, i might sneak on to get a couple things in the queue :)

[plan-d-to-i]

What 1st made you realize how off base JC’s stan culture is? For me it was the fact that a JC stan namely the sangcheng troll sent g0re & N@zi imagery to people just for liking sangcheng & NHS, as well as the fact that a JC stan wrote a fic where LWJ murders WWX while tagging it as fluff w/ a happy ending.

WTF. I was knew about the fic thing but the troll thing?! 🙃

Personally I never liked jc because he was annoying af. He was shitty to WWX, shitty to LWJ, shitty to ppl he owed shit to, just shitty all over. I don't like that moody asshole character type even when they do good stuff, but at least then they're bearable. But jc is just an asshole and then whiny about it. He doesn't want to do good things and he doesn't want to let others do them either...but then he constantly feels bad for himself and thinks ppl owe him shit. I think WWX had the patience of a saint to put up w him as long as he did and even he lost it in the end. But I didn’t really bother w him until his stans injected his fanon self into almost every corner of the fandom and got testy w anyone who didn’t vibe w their version of events 😑

[sleevesareforlosers]

*How* did newsie and chimp start dating?

okay well. i think first u gotta know how they met which is that pre-cherri-losing-its-arm it hotwired chimps van and drove off with it and then when chimp (exhibiting a rare and entirely terrifying rage) went to go buy it back from the hideout newsie was so overwhelmed with a combination of awe, fear, and lesbianism that zie just let chimp take the keys and leave

after she'd cooled down from this all chimp realized that a) it was actually kinda funny and b) its probably not a bad idea to be on good terms with a pair of evidently morals-free thieves so she went back with an offer that the three of them should go out for drinks sometime. cherri bowed out on account of it doesnt care about new people and so newsie absolutely flipped shit that this very sweet and somewhat terrifying girl had Come Back to ask hir on a date (!!!) (not a date, actually, as cherri was fond of reminding hir)

it went very well but neither of them made like. moves or anything they just hung out and got to know each other a bit and mutually agreed that it was really fun and they should do that again, sometime

flash forward a few moons and chimp and newsie having girls nights (cautiously gender neutral) are a fairly regular occurrence and sometimes cherri comes along but not often so it is really like, just the two of them getting to know each other Quite Well. newsie starts taking little runs to help chimp out, shipments and running messages that shouldnt be broadcasted and stuff, they start hanging out at chimps place or the hideout more and more. its still all platonic but in the way that newsie is like "yeah shes gorgeous and funny and sweet and i want to kiss her so so so bad but we're just friends" and chimp is like "oh yeah, zies in love with me but i wanna see how long it takes hir to notice" (these r all said only to themselves, theyre both pretty private abt this relationship actually outside of like, cherri doc n pony)

and then on one of these girls nights theyre at a bar proper and someone starts hitting on chimp, getting a little pushy, etc, newsie gets ready to step in and kill them tell them they arent welcome and then chimp whips out her gun and shoots them through the shoulder and goes, "you know, people would probably hit on me less if you put your hand on my thigh when you sit next to me"

its about three days later that newsie works up the nerve to ask exactly what she meant by that and another week or so before they see each other in person again and that time, when newsie leaves chimps place she completely-unthinkingly kisses chimp goodbye, drives off, then realizes what she did, turns around, goes back, and spends the night

[drawlfoy]

Wonders of Ohio - P.7

masterlist (catch up with the series here!)

request guidelines (yes i am taking them!)

pairing: draco x reader

request: no! this is my original idea 

summary: american high school senior is in for a surprise when her family takes on a foreign exchange student with a mysterious past.

warnings: teen drinking, mentions of an armed robbery, language, a brief hospital visit, and descriptions of illness

a/n: hey. so. this is definitely where stuff starts to go down. thanks so much for waiting...i have so many more things planned for this series and i’m thrilled to see it come together the way that it is right now. thank you very much for reading and thank you for your patience!

taglist: @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @icintliviinyiniilsiji @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural

word count: 6k

song recs: 

murders - miracle musical

pink in the night - mitski

always, forever - cults

ice dance - ashton gleckman

enjoy!

Y/N should’ve felt cold when she awoke on the wet pavement. Despite a figure looming over her and blocking out most of the rain, the back of her neck and body was drenched in the cool water from the puddle to her right. It was easily in the mid 40s at this point in the evening, something that would ordinarily make her toes curl and her figure tremble, but it felt...different.

She felt like her insides had been scorched, like she’d downed an entire pitcher of boiling hot water. Every movement she made hurt--right down to wiggling her fingertips and her eyes. Her body was exhausted. If she hadn’t known any better, she would’ve thought that she’d just finished running a marathon in hell.

“Can you hear me?” A posh British voice cut through her musings as the figure above her came into focus. 

Draco.

“Yeah. Was there a fire?” Her words left her throat painfully, scratching their way up her vocal chords. 

“Er...what do you remember?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. The memories of the night slowly began trickling back--she’d done Draco’s tie, told him to watch his drink, argued with Chad about how funny he was, and walked to...Oh, yeah. The antique store. The box. The stars inside of her.

She flinched. “I fainted. I’m sorry. That was really stupid of me.”

“What?” Draco shifted back, the light from the front of the antique store catching his face. There were lines in his forehead that she’d never seen before. “Why?”

“I didn’t eat enough today,” said Y/N. Speaking was starting to feel less and less like lighting her trachea on fire. “I was really nervous and I lost my appetite. I’m an easy fainter.”

He cleared his throat. “Er, okay. Yeah. That was it. Anyways, we have to get home. You need to, uh, eat.”

“Okay.”

Y/N allowed herself to be hauled up onto her feet, swaying slightly once her full weight was on her feet. Her sense of gravity felt like it had been loosened. With every step, she felt pulled to the ground from a different part of her core.

“Steady. Don’t fall.” By some miracle, once Draco’s hands were gently guiding her shoulders, she was able to make her way to the backseat of Heather’s car before she collapsed.

“Where are we going?” asked Y/N. Despite no longer feeling like she was near death, her head was still cloudy. 

“Home,” was all Draco said as he slid in on the other side of the car. 

She didn’t bother putting on her seatbelt--she still felt like she was about to keel over--and rested her head on the car window. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Draco open the passenger car door for a moment, pause, shut it, and instead tug open the door across from her and slide in. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“My insides feel like they’re on fire.” Y/N winced as she tried to shift and get the weight off of her neck. “I think I’m sick.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” said Heather from the front, her eyes catching Y/N’s from the mirror. “You were just laying down in the middle of a rainstorm. Go home and take some Zi-cam or something, jesus.”

Y/N tried to chuckle in response, but it came out as a sorry squeak instead. No one made a move to further comment on the evening’s events as Heather pulled onto the freeway and began to gain speed. The sudden lurches and changes of speed in the car set Y/N’s stomach into a churning frenzy, her head growing light again. 

“Draco.”

Her voice was so soft it was hardly audible--the syllables jumbled together on her lips in a quiet mess--but he immediately snapped to attention.

“What is it?”

She took a deep breath. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“For the love of god, at least try and hold it until we get off the freeway.” 

“Shut up, Heather,” said Draco. Y/N couldn’t help but feel the slightest twinge of satisfaction as he rolled his eyes and turned his attention back on her. “Is it the motion? Are you sick from that?”

“I don’t know,” she managed. 

He sighed. “Helpful.”

“Dick.”

Draco frowned at her, but she could see the slightest twinkle of amusement in his eye. “Can you move into the middle seat for me? Do you need help?”

Once Y/N had scooted over from her side, he leaned away from her and pointed up to the sunroof above them. “Go ahead and count all the lights that you can see in the sky. I promise it’ll make you feel better. Just keep your head pointed up.”

She tilted her head back. The night sky was largely gloomy, but the flickering lights of the planes that dove in and out of clouds provided some glowing dots. As she counted, Heather hit the fog strips and nearly threw her back into her original seat. She felt a warm hand wrap around her wrist and gently grip, the long fingers completely encircling it. 

Y/N blinked. The nausea was gone. “What are you, a sorcerer or something?” she joked, not expecting to see Draco so frozen at the comment. “Kidding. I just feel better already. Thank you.”

He nodded and turned away to look out the window. His soft grip on her hand was long gone, and Y/N took Heather’s slightly uncoordinated driving as a cue to slide back into her seat and buckle up.

“If you really need to puke,” said Heather, “I have a Target bag back somewhere under the passenger seat. Please avoid the seats. They’re authentic vegan leather.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“Just don’t throw up, okay?” 

~

Y/N was in Art History when it happened. The chills began, so intense and teeth-chattering that her teacher took one look at her and sent her immediately to the nurse. Sylvia offered to walk her, but she was only allowed to under the condition that she avoid all physical contact with her and sanitized each surface that Y/N touched. It was a wonder she made it to the first floor office--each step felt heavier than the last, and from the beginning she felt moments from simply passing out. 

A temperature check revealed that she had a mild fever--100.3 F, to be exact--and a call home resulted in her mother’s full voicemail box and the remembrance that her parents were out for the week. 

“Can someone else drive you?” Nurse Hazelwood asked as she stepped away to douse her hands in hand sanitizer. “I don’t think you should get yourself home in this state.”

After some deliberation, it was decided that Sylvia would take her home and call someone for a ride back. It was a bit overkill--but she didn’t know what else to do.

“And can you make sure Draco has a ride home today?” Y/N asked as they pulled into the driveway of the Y/L/N home. 

“Stop stressing so much, dude.” Sylvia took the keys out of the ignition to give her an expectant look. “You’re sick. Go inside and make some soup or something. I’m sure your boyfriend will figure it out.”

“Now I really am gonna be sick,” said Y/N as she rolled her eyes. 

The rest of her afternoon was a blur. Y/N tried to force down some chicken soup, but it took all her might to keep it from coming right back up. It was safe to say her appetite was gone. 

After a failed attempt at walking up the stairs to crawl into bed, she collapsed onto the couch. The last thing she remembered was the sound of footsteps outside the front door.

~

Y/N hadn’t been to the hospital since she had to get stitches in middle school. Then, all she did was lie back in the chair and try to shut her eyes as the needle wove in and out of her torn thigh (bad bike accident, in case anyone was curious). But now was different. 

Her eyes hurt to open, like someone had thrown soap in them and the very line where her two lids met were lined with knives. Everything inside of her was on fire--a manic, all-consuming fire that made it impossible for her to keep anything down. 

The nurses and doctors were no help--not like Y/N actually had her eyes long enough to see any of them--but their voices were enough to let her know what was going on.

“Fever of 104--”

“Can’t keep anything down--”

“Severely dehydrated--”

“Tested negative for everything we tried--”

“Never seen anything like this before--”

“No viruses were detected--”

“Not mono--”

As she wove in and out of consciousness, one fact stuck in her mind: I think I might die here. Something is very wrong.

 When she did dream, images of the box she picked up plagued her mind. The symbol, etched lightly into the black top, glowed menacingly in her hands. Open it, open it something around her urged, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t.

It was during one of these dreams that her world suddenly shifted back to her hospital room. She was suspended above her body, looking down at the tangle of IVs and various other wires that imprisoned her...but she wasn’t alone.

The dim lighting and darkness outside confirmed her suspicion that it was indeed late at night. A figure, tall and slim, was sitting to her left. It was whispering something unintelligible as it gently took her hand and squeezed.

If Y/N could scream, she would’ve. The sudden pull back to her body was so strong that she was yanked across the room so she just barely hovered over her corporeal form. She could feel a grip, steady and firm, wrapped around her hand as a rush of cool ran through her. Each breath, each pulse, each heartbeat pulled her back to herself. It felt like a bucket of water had been poured over--into--her, extinguishing the flames that were eating away the inside of her.  

The figure’s whispering finally came to an end as she settled back into her physical body. Before she drifted off to a peaceful slumber, a familiar voice rose above the quiet whispers.

“I’m sorry.”

~

“Y/N!”

Her eyes shot open to see her mother, heavy eye bags and all, standing over her bed. “Hi Mo-”

“You scared me half to death!” Mrs. Y/L/N interrupted, placing her hand on her forehead. “No fever. Thank god. You know, when you were a baby, you were horribly ill with…”

Y/N sat and pretended she was listening as she relinquished in the fact that she was awake, she was here. The fire inside of her was long gone, replaced with the familiar...whatever was there before. Nothing? Maybe. Nothing was good, or at least better than the painful fire. It struck her with a sudden urgency that she had no idea what day it was, much less time. What about her homework? What about her UChicago application? Her counselor was supposed to submit her letter of rec a week ago...or a week ago from whenever she was brought to the hospital.

“Honey, are you even listening?” 

“Uh, yeah,” she said. 

“That’s what I thought. The food here is horrendous--of course you’re excited to go home.” Mrs. Y/L/N took her glasses off to wipe at the lens in a gesture that seemed more habitual and less effective. “You poor thing. Your father is still in New York--John simply couldn’t have him leave--but he’ll be back as soon as he can. Let’s get you out of here.”

The next few hours were a strange blur of paperwork, changes of clothes, and a bag of medication. The nurses and doctors were bewildered at her miraculous recovery and expressed this at every chance they had on her way out, reminding her to immediately seek attention if she feels anything similar again.

“What day is it?” Y/N finally asked once they were on the way home. 

“Wow, you really were out of it.” Mrs. Y/L/N flicked her blinker on as she merged onto the freeway. “Sunday. You were there almost a whole week.”

“Huh? What about school? Do my teachers know? How did Draco get to school? Is he ok?”

“Of course your teachers know, hun. They’re all being very forgiving with their late work policies. As long as you’re putting effort into learning the material you missed, they have no problem letting you skip out on the homework. As for Draco...I think he’s fine. Sylvia’s family took him under their wing for the week. He’s still alive.”

And such a statement was proven when Y/N walked through the front door. Draco shot up from his seat at the living room couch the moment they locked eyes, his hands wringing back and forth.

“You’re okay.”

“You’re okay too,” she responded airily. “When I wasn’t dying I was worrying myself about how you’d do without me. I see my fears of you walking into moving traffic didn’t come true, thank God.”

His lips, tight, offered her the slightest upturn. 

“Y/N, dearie, no need to harass the boy,” her mother said. “Up to your room. I’ll bring you some soup in a moment. You need to rest, young lady.”

She sent one last teasing grin at Draco before she was ushered up the steps, her mother fussing over her the entire way. 

~

“So,” Sylvia said, crossing her legs over the other and giving Y/N a wicked look, “Consider this your last formal invitation to my Halloween party. It’s this Friday. It’s not even the night before the ED deadline. You should go.”

“I don’t know, Vy,” said Y/N. Her art history notes lay untouched in front of her as the teacher droned on about something related to how mannerism as an art style came to fame during the...Reformation? She didn’t know. “I’m kind of tired. I feel bad about leaving Draco alone, too.”

“Dude.”

“What?”

Sylvia rolled her eyes. “Will you just do us all a favor and admit that you like him? It’s getting exhausting. Just ask him to come with you.”

“You’re absolutely off your rocker if you think I’m gonna do that,” Y/N said. 

“I’m just saying, you’ve done weirder things. Like almost dying from...literally nothing.”

“Hey, hey, don’t be rude. I’ll think about it but no guarantees. I don’t really think Draco is the partying type, though.”

“I’d be careful about making such a wild assumption. You never know what goes on in those posh private British schools for rich kids or wherever he went.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Her friend laughed. “No. Just an optimist.”

Y/N swung the sleeve of her cardigan at her, whacking her pretty good on the bicep. If Sylvia was bothered by it, she didn’t show it. “Fine. I’ll ask him as a friend.”

“Pansy.”

~

Y/N was never the type to enjoy background noise as she worked, but there was something nostalgic about hearing the identical voices of her local news anchors in the room over as she sat at the kitchen table and worked on a last minute Physics review set. 

“Hey loser,” she called out as she saw a head of blond hair pass by her to get to the kettle. “Care to join me?” 

Draco turned, his mouth open and ready to issue a retort before he appeared to change his mind. He’d been oddly distant lately, avoiding her in the common spaces they often saw each other and choosing to get breakfast and his evening tea at times that he knew she wouldn’t be down in the kitchen for. Perhaps that was the reason why she was sitting at the kitchen table at present, but of course she’d never admit that. Not even to herself. 

“Can’t. I’m a bit busy with work.”

“Draco,” she chided. “What work is it? I can help you, you know.” 

He paused for a few seconds, taking in the scatter of papers on the table and the nearly complete review sheet. “The Physics review is taking me a bit of time,” he said, his tone forced and resigned.

“Go grab it!” She grinned as his scowl deepened. “If you’re nice I’ll let you copy.”

She lost track of time as they went over his work, his pencil marks filling the page with symbols that were unfamiliar to her.

“Your handwriting is really nice,” she noted. “Like, so nice that I feel like you could really make it as a study youtuber or a study blogger or whatever. You have that potential if you want to tap into it, dude.”

“I have no idea what that is,” he said neatly as he punched an equation into her calculator. 

“Fair.”

She sat still for a few more moments, watching as her study partner’s chest rose and fell with each breath he took. Sylvia’s Halloween party was just a few days away, and she needed to ask him at some point. Every time she mustered up the courage to open her mouth and hitch her breath, the words would die on her tongue. 

The silence weighed heavy in the air as the words of the news anchors floated over…”multiple reports of an armed robbery….suburbs surrounding Cincinnati...cautioned to lock doors...potential link to the missing persons case…”

“Draco,” she said finally. He jolted up from his work to gaze at her. His eyes were probably the prettiest things she’d ever seen--all pale and metallic and silvery. “Uh, I’m going to this Halloween party this Friday. You should come with me, it sounds like it’ll be fun. I think that Heather will be there.”

Y/N mentally groaned at her admission to Heather’s attendance but didn’t know what else to say. She wanted him to come--even if it was so he could spend the whole time being woo-ed over by her.

“Er,” he began, twirling his pencil around his fingers. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Homework, you know.”

“Just finish it before--That’s what I’m doing.”

“I think I’m go--”

The slam of the front door made both of them jump, scattering Y/N’s long forgotten work and threatening to knock Draco’s mug over.

“Hi kids,” Mrs. Y/L/N greeted as she entered the kitchen, an armful of grocery bags in tow. “Studying?” 

“Yeah,” Y/N answered. “By the way, Mom, Sylvia invited me over to her house on Friday for a sort of Halloween get together. Can I go?”

Her mother was silent for a few moments as she methodically unpacked the paper bags on the counter. 

“I don’t see why not. Is Draco coming too?”

“No,” he replied before Y/N even had the chance to open her mouth.

“I don’t think you should be home alone at night, my dear,” said her mother. “Have you seen the news? There’s someone on the loose. I’d feel much better if you were with Y/N--Robert and I are going to an auction that night. We won’t be around.”

“I’ll be fi--”

“If Y/N is going, you’re going,” Mrs. Y/L/N said as she finished unloading and brushed her hands off on her thighs. Her no nonsense demeanor rarely showed itself, but when it did, she was difficult to argue with. 

Y/N shrunk down in her seat as Draco sent her a sour look. 

Sorry she mouthed. If he noticed, he didn’t show it.

~ 

“Remind me again why we’re walking?” 

Draco’s snotty tone carried through the crisp fall air as they neared the street that Sylvia lived on. 

“Because,” said Y/N, “Quite frankly, I don’t think I can get through being in an enclosed space with Heather for an entire night without being at least a little buzzed. And I’m not gonna have you drive us home.”

“Hmph.” His dress shoes, odd pointed tips and all, kicked at the fall leaves below them. His costume was literally nothing different than what he wore when he arrived--a crisp white dress shirt, an oddly cut blazer, and a weird looking green and silver pin attached to his lapel. 

“If anyone asks,” she had told him from the hallway as they were getting ready to go that afternoon, “Just say you’re a corporate rat or something.” 

He’d snorted at her choice of clothing--a completely dark brown set up with a picture of a shoe taped to her chest. 

“I’m the shoe that that Iraqi reporter threw at Bush,” she had explained. 

He just stared.

“If you aren’t having fun, please just let me know,” Y/N said as they turned one of the last corners. “We can tell her our fish died or something. Sylvia would totally understand.”

“We don’t have a fish.”

“I know, genius,” she teased, giving him a little punch. Instead of balking, he just crinkled his nose. “But she doesn’t.”

“I think she does.”

“You’re missing the point. You’ll tell me if you want to go back home, promise?”

“I want to go home.”

“You’re going to be the death of me.” 

He grinned as they waited for Sylvia to open the door. 

The next few hours were a bit of a blur. Y/N didn’t drink much at first--maybe the equivalent of 2 or 3 shots, spaced out in between a couple of sips of water--but the energy in Sylvia’s home definitely had her more buzzed than usual. There was something about her home that always felt twice as spooky, a type of underlying energy that pulsed at the seams. 

To her surprise, Draco actually took a cup of whatever Sylvia offered him and downed it. She laughed when she saw him finally lower the cup as he furrowed his brow at her.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

His features looked softer in the dim lighting of Sylvia’s living room--all the tension that he carried in his shoulders and face seemed to be gone. When he smiled at her, it was all she could do to keep herself from disintegrating into the couch.

As the night wore on, Y/N felt herself getting progressively more tipsy, and, in her haze, she could see that Draco was going down a similar path. He was touchier than she would have expected--hanging onto her elbow or sleeve whenever Sylvia or Y/N said anything funny, not moving his leg when her thigh was pressed against his, stretching his arm out behind her and resting it on the back of the couch--and she found herself wishing she was sober enough for it to feel real. Maybe she was so drunk that she was imagining it all. Maybe she was actually asleep next to her toilet at home after throwing it all up and was just dreaming. 

“Fuck!” Someone exclaimed, prompting her to look up. Abby, a girl she kind of knew from her grade, had spilled the entirety of her drink on the coffee table.

“Y/N,” Sylvia whined, “I’m too tired to get the paper towels. Will you and Draco go?” 

Despite the half-hearted protests from Draco, she managed to haul him up by his arm as she pushed back the pleasure that Sylvia saw them as a sort of team, a sort of unit.

“I think she keeps the extra paper towels in her pantry,” she told him as they made their way over to the quiet part of the house. The light hanging over the kitchen island was on, but the rest of the room was bathed in darkness. 

“Right he--”

Y/N froze as she saw it--or, as she would come to discover, them. 

Heather and Chad stared back at them, looking much more disheveled than one is permitted simply sitting on the kitchen counter. It was hard to make it out clearly, but Heather’s cheeks looked flushed. Chad’s matched.

“In a fucking kitchen? Chad, I thought you were better than this,” Y/N said, turning and grabbing the paper towels from the cabinet behind them. “Get a room, you weirdos.”

Chad laughed, a short lived and awkward sound. 

Once they were back out in the living room, Y/N tossed the paper towels to Sylvia. “I think we’re gonna head back. We have to walk, you know.”

Sylvia dramatically threw herself back onto the couch. “I suppose. Thanks for coming guys, it was nice to see you outside of class again.”

“Likewise!” Y/N called over her shoulder as she walked out of the door with Draco by her side.

The walk home was silent for the first few moments. Despite the fact that it was late October, the night was pleasantly crisp and not too cold. The only sources of illumination were the scattered street lights, casting a soft orange hue on the two.

As they turn the corner onto the main street, Y/N’s shoe caught on a crack in the pavement in a movement that would’ve sent her sprawling face-first into the cold concrete if it hadn’t been for Draco’s hand grabbing her own and yanking her back up.

“Thanks,” she said. His hands were warmer than usual despite the coolness of the air.

He just sent her a small smile as he untangled their fingers and placed his hand back into his pants pockets.

“Weird to see Chad and Heather, right?” Y/N nudged him with her shoulder. To her surprise, he nudged back.

“I guess. I thought it was obvious, though.”

“What?! No way.”

“Are you blind? Heather’s been all over Chad,” he said.

“Are you? I thought she was obsessed with you!” 

“No, definitely not.”

“Are you sure about that?” she asked, turning to look at him. The dim glow of the streetlights made his hair look almost like a halo. “She wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“Dunno.” Draco shrugged. It was then that Y/N remembered how much he’d had that night.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re probably not in the right mindset to be analyzing other people right now,” said Y/N. 

His lips twitched upwards. “No, no, it’s ok. I’m fine. I just couldn’t be bothered over the whole ordeal. Entirely uninspiring, I think.”

“You’re such a nerd, even when you’re drunk,” teased Y/N. “It’s honestly a wonder that you spent the first month near failing physics.”

“Sod off.” He nudged her again, hard enough to make her sway. “You’re the one who’s still an insufferable smartass. I figured drinking would make you more tolerable.”

“Don’t be a dick,” she muttered as she shoved him back. “You know you love me.”

He froze in the middle of his retaliatory shove, his hand rested on her forearm.

“Sarcasm, king,” said Y/N. “I don’t mean it. I wouldn’t blame you if I were right, though. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m quite the commodity.” 

“Oh, yes, most certainly.” His tone was dripping in faux genuity as he gave her a gentle push. 

As he was doing this, Y/N grabbed the offending arm and took him down with her, landing in the soft garden bush in poor Ms. McCoyle’s front yard.

“Gotcha!” she cheered as he frowned from his spot on top of her. It took all her might to ignore the fact that his face was inches away. “It’s just my smart physics brain at work.”

 “Your neighbor is gonna kill us.”

“She can try.” 

Draco sat up, grabbing her hand and hauling her to her feet. She took the opportunity to hang onto the sleeve of his coat as a sneaking suspicion overtook her that things wouldn’t be like this again without the clever excuse of intoxication. 

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

Y/N let go of his sleeve to look up at his face in confusion. She followed his eyes, suddenly hardened with an emotion she couldn’t quite place, to their house at the end of the street.

“You shut the door behind us, right?” Draco asked.

“And locked it.”

Their front door, hanging wide open and swinging in the breeze, told a different story.

~ 

Sobering up was easy once the police sirens showed up and searched their house. Y/N could tell the responding sheriff knew they’d been drinking, but since they weren’t driving and were speaking clearly, he didn’t mention anything.

“We’ve searched the house,” he told them as they sat together outside on the curb. “It looks like it fits the profile of the other armed burglaries in the area, but nothing was taken this time. The bedroom that looks out into the garden is completely trashed--it seems like the suspect was looking through your things for something. The bedroom across the hall was displaced a bit, but nothing compared to the first.” He took another look at his notes, adjusting the thick rimmed glasses that were perched on his nose. “You kids are lucky. Whoever this is means business. There’s unfortunately not much we can do except set up a patrol to watch over the street for now. Please give us a call if you see anything or hear anything.”

They nodded. Y/N had placed a call to their parents while they waited a safe distance from the home for the police to arrive. She’d been shaking as she pressed their number into her phone, and Draco, to his credit, rested his hand on her thigh.

“We’ll be fine,” he’d said before retracting it. “Don’t worry.”

Draco seemed considerably calm for someone experiencing a home break in in a foreign country as they made their way into the house. The first responders had left the lights on, and the wash of LED bulbs did nothing to hide the disturbance of her bedroom. Everything of hers was thrown into the middle of the room from her drawers, closet, and dresser. Her laptop, open and plugged in, was left completely untouched.

“Draco,” she said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Depends, what is it?” 

Y/N noted that he was getting considerably paler as they stood in her doorway. “I don’t think I can sleep here. Knowing what happened. Especially when it’s still a disaster.”

“Understandable.”

His features looked hardened again, like he’d gone through a filter of seriousness. She decided that this was probably her last chance to ask for any act of intimacy before the effects of alcohol dissipated in his system. “And I don’t want to sleep alone.”

“Er...Oh.” He stared at her. “What?”

“I know that this is really awkward, but can I, like, sleep on your floor or something? Just for tonight.” When she swallowed her throat felt painfully dry. “I don’t snore or anything. It’ll be like I’m not even there.”

Draco sucked in a long breath, casting his eyes up to the ceiling. Y/N wished she knew what he was thinking about. “Yeah. That’s fine.”

“Thank you thank you thank you,” she sang, darting into her room to grab a blanket and a pillow as he watched wordlessly by the doorframe.

The walk to his room was dead silent except for their sounds of shock when they saw the broken glass in the middle of the floor. 

“I think that was from the picture frame,” Y/N said as she carefully walked into the middle of the room. Sure enough, a framed photo of her and their late dog that had been left on the wall was face down on the carpet. 

“Is this when you ask me to sleep in my bed, too?” quipped Draco as he sidestepped the wreckage and sat on the opposite side of the queen mattress.

“Um...we can make a pillow barrier so we don’t touch.”

He rolled his eyes and tossed his blazer over his chair as he took off his shoes and buttonup, leaving nothing but his undershirt and dress pants. “I’m going to get changed. If you’re asleep before I get back, this is me saying goodnight.”

With that, he grabbed something from his dresser and walked into his bathroom, Y/N ripped off the picture of the shoe and placed her phone on the bedside table. Before she knew it, she was completely passed out.

~ 

It was barely dawn when she next woke up. Her head was heavy--no doubt the beginnings of a hangover--but she’d never felt more electrified.

A small huff prompted her to look to her left where Draco was just a few movements away from her. He was very clearly still sleeping, each breath leaving his lips with a whisper. His hand, draped over the covers, was millimeters away from touching her. The pink of the sunrise made his hair, now ruffled and sticking up in the side, glitter in the light. She resisted the urge to reach out and brush it away from his face.

Y/N lay there, admiring the boy sleeping next to her, until the urgency of her situation struck her. She was absolutely parched, and if she wanted to mitigate the damage she’d already done, it was in her best interest to drink a glass of water and take 4 Ibuprofen. 

With a sigh, she quietly slid out from under Draco’s covers and made her way to her room, careful to avoid the glass scattered all about. She knew she had a packet of Ibuprofen somewhere in one of her dresser drawers.

The pile in her room was bigger than she remembered. She began by just throwing her clothes that had been on the ground onto her bed, sorting through everything in rough categories. When this proved unhelpful, she turned to the mini pile by her door which, to her surprise, had a few sweatshirts that definitely weren’t hers.

Draco she thought absentmindedly as she combed through the pile. Aha. A small green pouch, just like the one she kept her over the counter medications in.

Her hands struggled to undo the tie--Did she normally knot it like that?--as she admired the lining. She never noticed that the edges had silver thread stitched in. 

Once she finally opened it up, she grabbed her water bottle and prepared to be faced with a variety of pill bottles as she tipped it over; however, what came out was very different.

A collection of letters. Namely, Draco’s. She knew it was wrong, but he was sleeping, and every letter looked official, stamped with a seal and etched with some sort of crest. They couldn’t have been that personal.

After a bit of bargaining, she decided to open one. If it was personal, she made the deal with herself to put it away and never speak of it again. 

The parchment was heavy and clearly expensive. Her hands were shaking as she unfolded the first one, feeling guilty the whole way.

Foreign words flooded her vision. It wasn’t like the letter was written in a foreign language--but there were so many terms she didn’t understand. 

Death eater...Voldemort...Crimes against the ministry...Conspiracy against Dumbledore...Hogwarts-sanctioned punishment...

She read on until a word popped out that made sense--Magic. And there it was again--Magic. Wizard. Magic.

Swallowing hard, she shoved the letter back into the envelope and opened one more. This one was much more coherent.

“Dear Mr. Draco Lucius Malfoy of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy:

       It has been made apparent to us that, while serving the punishment of your accused crimes, you have unlawfully used magic (namely, a Glamour spell) in front of a muggle. Consider this to be your first strong warning. One more slip up and the Ministry will be forced to reconsider your dropped sentence of Azkaban.

Sincerely and warmly,

The Ministry of Magic -- Justice Sector”

What. What the fuck. What the fuck.

Her racing mind was put to a screeching halt at the sound of someone clearing their throat behind her. 

[motheatenscarf]

So, the White Trash Family Drama Saga continues. 

I’m assuming people kinda remember me talking about Cousin’s Husband being from Germany and being a literal n*zi, and also that Cousin’s Son was buying a house and eventually taking his 2 cats with him.

I’m glad HE’S leaving but I really love those fucking cats. But... they are HIS cats so that’s fine, I guess. He’s an asshole to me, but he’s good to his cats, if he can bother to get off his ass and clean a litter box or fill a food bowl for once in his worthless life.

Anyway, about a month ago we had to get the septic tank pumped, AGAIN. Covid shortages on TP meant we couldn’t get the septic friendly stuff since it just... wasn’t available, and cousin’s son eats nothing but chicken nuggets and frozen pizza and takes half a roll of toilet paper each time he takes a colossal shit once every 3 days like a sloth. The guys who came to pump the septic (a $600 fee we’ve paid 3 times in just the 7 years we’ve been here, just to put a frame of reference on how much these people cost my family!) recognized the cross on cousin’s husband’s truck as being n*zi iconography and a fucking dog whistle and commented on it. 

Mom was HUMILIATED. She tried to play it off, saying she didn’t approve, that it was my cousin, I just apologized because like... DUDE’S RIGHT TO BE SUS. Even if she doesn’t agree, she lets this fucker live here and wear his hateful shit on his sleeve and roll around in his truck with it to make people feel unsafe. I’ve wanted him gone for like 8 years now, but it’s not my name on his immigrant sponsorship or the house, so that’s kinda on my mom to decide when enough is enough. We’ve been noticing unmarked vans coming up to our house and just sitting there since January (starting around, oh, say, January 6th...), probably feds keeping an eye on our literal n*zi, but apparently my mom thinks getting shade from the septic guy is the final straw. 

She had a talk with my cousin about everything a couple of weeks ago, mentioned she knew about the n*zi shit, and how she noticed how she, cousin’s husband, and cousin’s son have all been avoiding her. Cousin swears up and down that her husband isn’t a n*zi, she didn’t know what the flag and the cross meant, he’s just a German nationalist who believes in a Jewish illuminati conspiracy....so.... y’know... COMPLETELY different from a fucking n*zi despite looking and quacking and goose stepping like one... sure. 

She said she wanted the car painted over and all other symbols from the truck and the car port and all their other shit flying around in HER house on HER property removed. Whatever they kept in their trailer was their business, but she wasn’t gonna tolerate that shit anymore. 

This is getting long, I will post about Cousin’s Son and his house and uh, basically her kicking him out in another post, because.... it all escalated pretty quickly these last couple weeks.