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formula-what · 4 years ago

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Brocedes time line for a very patient anon

Lewis quotes in orange, Nico quotes in pink, everyone else is blue.

okay first some background knowledge:

Nico is rich as fuck. only child, born in Germany, brought up in Monaco. son of world champion Keke Rosberg

Lewis was born on a council estate in Stevenage and his dad had to work multiple jobs for him to start karting

Honestly I think the difference in their backgrounds is one of the things that pushed them together, they were both isolated from the rest of the kids, but I’m keeping this purely facts rather than speculation.

2000

They’re both 15 years old and are karting teammates for MBB (Mercedes Benz McLaren) in Formula A

Robert Kubica: “there was always competition. But they didn’t fight. It was friendly competition. There was always laughing afterwards.” // “they would even have races to eat pizza”

They often shared hotel rooms at the races which was a “scene of many wrestling matches between them”

Dino Chiesa (their karting boss) – “many times I was called by reception about some problem in the room. It might be noise, or they might have broken something. They would never sleep so they were always tired the next morning”

“they both liked ice cream so much, particularly vanilla. During the night they wanted to eat ice cream always, so I had to go out everywhere to find some and keep them happy”

Lewis would often persuade Nico to buy him sweets

They would have competitions over LITERALLY EVERYTHING

Lewis: “we always had great competition whether on the racetrack or computer games or playing football”

“probably the first bit of competition we had was when Nico used to ride a unicycle everywhere so I thought, ‘I’ve got to learn how to ride this unicycle. Ive got to be better than him.’ I spent all my time outside the go-kart learning to ride this unicycle”

Apparently it only took Lewis 2 hours to teach himself how to do it

In maybe 2013 ish (when they were still friends) Lewis reflected with– “I have never laughed so much than when we were racing together. Nico was kicking everyone’s butt at that time. We had so great races together and built a great relationship”

“we were just arriving and enjoying go-karts and eating pizzas every weekend, fighting all the time and just having fun, whereas now it’s all business.”

many times they would talk about what they would do when they got to f1, made plans hoping to be teammates and become world champions together.

“Nico would say ‘when I’m in formula one’ and for me it was always ‘if I ever get to formula one’. Because obviously Nico’s dad was a formula 1 driver- he knew he was going to make it.”

Nico joined f1 in 2006 with williams, Lewis 2007 with McLaren. And man I WISH I knew what went down with this two when Lewis nearly one his rookie season (missing out by one point to mr fernando alonso) and then WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP in his SECOND SEASON (again by one point thank you mr alonso)

2008 Australia

Nicos gets his first podium, and ofc Lewis is there (he won it) and they are jumping around in the cool down room. Just, two kids who are literally living the one thing they have spent their whole lives dreaming about together. Lewis won the championship that year and oh wow I can only imagine their celebrations together.

2013

They’re teammates in Mercedes!!!

Nico: “every other day there are moments or things that pop up and I can smirk and thing, ‘that’s exactly the same as it was 15 years ago’”

2013 Malaysian Grand Prix gets an honourable mention. This is the race with red bulls good old multi 21 but merc also had their own team orders, stopping nico from fighting for his first merc podium, but Lewis disagreed with it so it didn’t really spark that much tension between them- more the team.

2014

the start of the turbo-hybrid era so y’all know this was good in terms of performance.

2014 Bahrain Grand Prix

They were both fighting for the win and had a collision which prompted a “mock fight” in parc ferme after the race (which I really hope there’s a video of).

Turns out, Nico won because he had used engine modes banned by Mercedes to get a power advantage in the closing laps. which kinda pissed Lewis off

2014 Spanish Grand Prix

Lewis’ fourth win in a row and took lead in the championship. They were fighting till literally the last second and Lewis crossed the line 0.6 seconds ahead of Nico, who says he could have passed him with one more lap.

Lewis defended using the same banned engine modes that Nico had used in Bahrain. Yeah.

2014 Monaco Grand Prix

This is IT. This is peak petty bitch. This is the one people still cry about.

It’s the end of Q3, both of them are out on a lap, Nico ahead of lewis. Nico’s already on provisional pole but Lewis is pretty close.

And then,, Nico just,, parks his car?? He says he made a mistake but the guy doesn’t even crash he straight up just,, rolls to a stop into a slip road. So the yellow flags come out forcing Lewis to abort a lap that was in the makings of pole.

The stewards say it was a-okay but Lewis was convinced it was intentional (and let’s be honest, yeah it probably was) and he even claimed that merc’s data proved it. (low key surprised he didn’t just tweet out the telemetry but I guess he got a stern telling off from mclaren last time)

But *this* is when Lewis tells the world that they aren’t friends anymore. An iconic interview.

Nico then wins the race too, ending Lewis’s four win streak and putting Nico in the lead of the championship.

2014 Hungarian Grand Prix

Lewis has an engine failure in quali meaning he starts from the pit lane, but he does good to make his way up the pack but THEN there’s a safety car which puts him ahead of Nico but on a different strategy.

Nico asks if Lewis can let him past as he needs to pit again before the end of the race, which will give him the place back anyways. Lewis straight up refuses, he’s on a role here. He started from last, and Nico started from pole, why should he slow down to let his title rival through.

Mercedes strongly suggest that his blocking fucked up Nicos race but Niki Lauda is on Lewis’ side so he doesn’t get punished (We stan a supportive father figure) even though he did blatantly refuse to be a team player.

And guys, this is the last race before the summer break so you know Nico was left seething for four weeks.

2014 Belgian Grand Prix

Second lap, Nico attempts a clumsy move and there’s contact, giving Hamilton a puncture and knocking him out of the race.

There’s a lot of controversy but basically it turns out he crashed with him intentionally, not backing out of the corner to “prove a point”. Nico ended up finishing second but was punished by the team, forced to apologise, and even booed on the podium.

2014 Abu Dhabi

For some reason it ran for double points?? The first time in History??? But idk???

Lewis had a perfect start and went on to win it and take the title, Nico had a problem and was told to retire the car but he kept going anyway and finished 14th. Nico went into the cool down room to congratulate Lewis on the championship win, which. cute.

Lewis claimed his second championship. Which not only was huge because of the inter team rivalry, but also because of the large gap between his first win. This guy had lost out on winning the championship in his ROOKIE season by ONE POINT, and then WON it in his SECOND season, and then there was like a FIVE YEAR gap before he won it again.

2015

Damnnn this car was fiiiinneeeeeee.

They do more laps in testing than any other car AND do it on a single power unit. And then. Australia. They take a one-two THIRTY FOUR seconds ahead of the third place Ferrari.

2015 Chinese Grand Prix

Nico is second in a one-two but claims that Lewis kept backing him up into Seb, trying to compromise his race (and help out his boyfriend).

Lewis gave zero shits: "It's not my job to look after Nico's race, it's my job to manage the car and bring the car home as healthy and as fast as possible. That's what I did."

2015 U.S. Grand Prix

If Lewis wins here he could also claim the title with three races to spare (you have to remember back then the title fight often went up to the last race so this was pretty cool)

Lewis very aggressively forced Rosberg wide at Turn 1 to claim the lead, and then there was some sexy fighting between the Mercs and Redbull all race. Nico led in the closing stages but made a mistake, running deep into a corner and letting Lewis past with only a handful of laps to go.

Nico finished P2 and had not only lost the race but the championship title. Nico was fuming, saying Lewis’ move at the start was “one step too far”.

This is the infamous cap throw in the cool down room. Lewis throws Nico his P2 hat, Nico straight up yeets it back at him. I tear up just thinking about it. They grow up so fast.

2016

Nico had came so close to winning and I guess this was just, the last straw. All or nothing. This year he literally gave it everything he had. Lewis and him stopped speaking, Nico gave up literally the rest of his life and even stopped sleeping in the same bed as his wife and taking care of his kids, instead spending every moment trying to get into Lewis’ head. Honestly, I think he might be the only one that could beat Lewis. Just because he knew him *so well*. He literally threw away like 16 years of friendship. But also it’s like, he had to be world champion. He *had to*. His dad was champion and his whole life he’s been preparing to win it too. Tough luck that he raced in the same era as Mr. Best Driver The Sport Has Ever Seen.

Nico won the last few races of 2015, and the first four races of 2016. Lewis had a couple car problems and Nico had a good lead on him in the championship.

2016 Spanish Grand Prix

Gentlemen. A short view back to the past. Nico had made a switch error on the formation lap causing the car to go into the wrong engine mode. So he was running a lot slower than Lewis, who was fighting to claim back the lead.

Nico closed the door to keep him back, and Lewis lost control on the grass, and spins into Nico and taking them both out of the race in the first lap. This is probably one of the most iconic crashes. I’m pretty sure there’s a clip of this somewhere in black and white with the titanic music over the top.

Niki Lauda blamed this one on Lewis (I guess even a supportive dad has to be critical sometimes) "Lewis is too aggressive. It is stupid, we could've won this race".

2016 Austrian Grand Prix

Nico had been struggling with a brake issue all race but was still on the way to win it. But in the last lap Lewis had caught him up and gone in for the overtake.

Typical Nico not taking any shit, refusing to be the guy that backs out and they collide. Lewis took the win and a damaged Nico dropped to fourth. From first. In the last lap.

Both of them blamed each other and tired dad team boss Toto Wolff threatened team orders in future races.

The stewards blamed Nico for the incident, issuing him two penalty points for failing to allow "racing room" and causing a collision.

2016 Abu Dhabi

In the final laps of the race, Lewis ignored team-orders from his race engineer and the technical director.

He deliberately slowed and backed Nico into the pack hoping they overtake him, and there would be enough of a points difference to win the title.

Nico finished second and won the title by five points.

And then,,, Nico announced a surprise retirement during the FIA prize giving ceremony.

Lewis’ response:

"This is the first time he's won in 18 years, hence why it was not a surprise that he decided to stop.” (We stan a petty king)

“But he's also got a family to focus on and probably wants to have more children. Formula One takes up so much of your time."

“In terms of missing the rivalry, of course because we started karting when we were 13 and we would always talk about being champions. When I joined this team, Nico was there, which was something we spoke about when we were kids. So it's going to be very, very strange, and, for sure, it will be sad to not have him in the team next year."

And now they are kind of on speaking terms but not really, they are both pretty private but I think they are at the ‘awkward small talk when we run into each other at the supermarket’ stage of the break up.

#this got a lot longer than it should have been #long post

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nightfall-kachiniko · 3 years ago

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Hey! I really liked your Annie angst where she hits the reader and wanted to request one where it's the same idea but just with Mikasa? Thanks a lot!

HAHA YES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

“A broken promise ” Mikasa x Reader. || Chapter 1. Oᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ!

this contains spoilers for the manga of AOT. || rumbling spoilers ahead||

You walked into your both’s shared bedroom to find Mikasa staring at herself in the mirror, her eyes sad as she looking down at her feet as she laid against the mirror. Her back faced you. Your arms crept around her waist, hugging her strong body as you cuddled you head into the back of her shoulder. “Please.. come back to me..” you softly whispered for the both of you to hear. “Your so distant yet… so close..” you hugged her tighter as you embraced her presence.

Mikasa pushed you off of her after a while, and started to walk out of the room. “You make me sick.”

Hours passed since your encounter with your girlfriend.

You couldn’t stand just letting this happen. Your relationship was slowly but surely being torn apart, weather or not mikasa was realizing it or not. Could she not care about you anymore? Her attitude changed Jurassic-ally ever since Eren told Her he hated her, which to your dismay you turned your back on him, saying that Mikasa deserved better.

You finally built up the courage to talk to her directly, as you made your way through the airship, coming out of your dorm. The common area was a wide open space, couches and a new thing from Marley that had just been discovered by the people of paradis, something called a “television.”

You turned your way to the room next to it, a small conference room. The room was long with a small glass table, a bookshelf, and a fireplace with couches. The woman stood at the bookshelf’s in the back of the room, looking at one of them.

“This has been going on for way to long,” you said to the raven haired woman, her gaze now looking at you with her eyes stern. “What happened to you?” All she could do was roll her eyes, not saying a word. “I know how attached you are to him, and I don’t want that to happen either, but I’m just saying, it’s a possible outcom-“

“No it isn’t,”

She said fiercely. “Mikasa , you have to accept the fact eren has changed,” “No he hasn’t!” Her voice got louder, to your surprise. “You act as though you knew him for your whole life, he will stop this rumbling,”

“And what if he doesn’t?”

“He will,”

“Your in denial”

“Maybe I’m so in denial because all you’ve done is try to bring me down for these past few weeks!” Your girlfriend yelled, “All you’ve done is hate on Eren all this damn time!”

“Mikasa are you fucking NUTS?! HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU HE HATED YOU!”

“He doesn’t mean that,”

“Are you sure mikasa? Think about everything he’s done to you.” There was a pause before you added, “think about everything he’s done to us,”

Mikasa shut the book closed, tossing it on a nearby table.

“Shut up,”

She gritted her teeth at you before pitching the bridge of her nose.

“What happened to you?” You asked her sadly,

“Absolutely nothing,”

“Everything changed,”

“NOTHING ABOUT ME CHANGED!” Mikasa screamed at you, pounding her fist on the wall. “Mikasa .. listen to yourself! You used to never be like this! You were so sweet and caring, and then Eren changed, and so did you.”

She went quiet, an irritated look on her face. The Airship you and the rest of the cadets were on, soared through the air. The thing they call ‘a flying boat’ letting off steam as it flew. Towards Marley you headed, where the rumbling was occurring. Eren had already planned this whole ideal out behind the Survey Corps backs, his mean demeanor changing the person who you barley can recognize, you girlfriend.

“You never used to yell at me the way you do now,” you said as her breathing got heavier with anger.

“We used to be inseparable, now look at us. Ever since the rumbling started and Eren actually going through with his plan, you slowly started drifting away from me. And at first I understood why.”

She looked at you, the woman’s eyes still as stern as they could ever be, giving you a violent but silent glare.

“And then you became mean.. and aggressive.”

She started stepping towards you, her eyes bloodshot with anger, “you don’t understand because you never took the time to listen!,”

“All you did was push me away! Every time I tried to help! You treated me like your punching bag!” Your girlfriend moved towards you aggressively, making you hesitant to stay put. Your girlfriend looked at you dead in the eyes and for a slight moment, you swore you could see a tear forming. “I became aggressive? Yoru kidding me! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU JUST GOING TO ACT LIKE THIS ISNT A SERIOUS SITUATION! I TRIED TO BE NICE FOR THE LONGEST TIME!

“You are NOT the same woman I feel in love with!” Your voice trailed into her ears. Your heart heavy as your words spilled out. “Oh yeah? Then maybe you weren’t in love with me at all.”

“Mikasa you know that isn’t true,”

“I tried protecting ALL OF YOU! AND LOOK WHERE WE END UP! SASHA’S DEAD! COMMANDER HANJI IS DEAD! “

“Yeah and the same person you’re defending is the cause of their deaths.”

“Eren wouldn’t do this.” She stated. Your head filled with irritation. ‘Why can’t she just accept it?!’

“Are you kidding me?! WAKE UP! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING AROUND YOU!?” you yelled, “EREN IS KILLING, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE!” your voice cracked out. The pain that you bared because of your friends actions was one you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried. No matter how many days would linger past, the fact that Eren, the boy who you once knew when he was running around playing tag with you and the rest of your group, is now a mass murderer.

“we don’t have to kill him-“

“MIKASA WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT HE’S DOING!? EREN IS JUST AS GUILTLY AS REINER AND BERTOLDT!”

“SHUT UP!” Her voice raised with irrational and anger. “YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE THAT DECISION!”

“You aren’t LISTENING! EVEN JEAN SAID THAT WOULD BE BEST! I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM BABY I REALLY DONT BUT WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO!”

“DAMNIT I SAID STOP!”

And just like that a loud crash noise was heard. The swift movement of a fist collided with the side of your face, the power containing it sending you falling back and into the glass coffee table behind you. You didn’t even realize what had just happened. You didn’t want to believe what just happened. You stared up at your girlfriend who’s face turned from anger to complete horror, her hand over her mouth as she stared at the damage she just caused. And boy was it bad.

The sting of redness on your face started to bleed droplets of blood. Soaking through your broken skin as a large red colored bruise begin to form. Tears started welting up in your e/c orbs. The sadness washed over you as you saw the woman who was suppose to love you, show an action of hatred that you never knew she could do. She hit you. She hurt you.

Heavy and frantic footsteps were heard rushing to the door of the conference room. The door swung open and there stood your best friend, Armin Artlert. “I-is everything okay!? I heard glad breaking!” He said, worried. His eyes looked around the room. The salty pieces of water flooded down your face as you choked on your tears.

Armin’s face went dead, he couldn’t believe it either. “Y-y/n.. baby.. oh g-god honey i-“ Mikasa couldn’t even form words. Hell SHEE couldn’t even believe she did that.

“W-wha-“ armin barley got out when you rushed to the door, pushing armin aside and ran back to your dorm room. “Y-y/n!” Armin tried calling out to you as your dorm slammed shut. You sinking to the floor crying.

Armin stared at Mikasa, “W-what happened?” His eyes saddened. “I..” Mikasa couldn’t get out any words, her face still in shock. “I hit them…” she managed to get out. “O-oh god I- I hit them,” her eyes filled tears as Armin pulled her into a hug. “I-I’m so sorry.. I-I’m so sorry…”

You laid on the floor after sinking down to the ground, slamming your door shut. Wiping your tears away with your hands, you looked at your both’s shared bedroom. Studying the interior. Thinking back on the time Mikasa promised you how she’d always be there for you, how she promised that she’d never hurt you. She promised when you both had your first kiss. She kept that promise and always kept it for so long, never once breaking it. Your numb body looked over at the ticking clock.

The thoughts that ran through your head as you watched the clock tick, and with every second you couldn’t bear to accept the fact, Her promise was broken.

Kachiniko || My Blog || What I write || 06/06/21

Chapter 2 “The conclusion”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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not-me-simping-for-blasty · 4 years ago

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Wrong Number, Asshole - A Bakugou Katsuki Soulmate AU

All Parts

Part 21:

You were nervous, practically fainting under the pressure as you pulled open the hospital’s front door. The trip to Jaku was fairly easy, only a brief 45 minutes, and in that time you hadn’t managed to calm yourself at all.

You stomach was rolling with nerves- twisting and turning and making you feel so very sick. You tried to reason with yourself, tried to convince yourself to lower your expectations. There was nothing for you to be worried about, here! You hadn’t lied! Or hid anything, or pretended like you were a good person when you maybe weren’t.

Bakugou did that. He did that and he was the reason your eyes were still puffy and why your head still ached. He had things to apologize for- not you.

So why did it feel like all you wanted to do was throw your arms around him and forget everything and just be happy?

The longer you sat with it, the more you thought you understood. Even if he was bad, even if he did bad things, he was still your soulmate. He was still the other half of you and you were selfish- so, so selfish and you couldn’t make yourself give that up. Couldn’t ever possibly make a strong enough argument for abandoning him. You knew that, even if you didn’t want to admit it. It was why you were even at the hospital after all.

You shook your head, trying to focus on the matter at hand.

“Hi,” You greeted, hoping your smile seemed genuine to the receptionist. “Bakugou Katsuki, please, room 427.”

She just looked at you funny, tapping at the device in her ear. “Yeah, I got another girl down here asking for Dynamite? Where’s security?”

You heart began seizing, lungs stuttering with panic as she continued to stare you down. After a long fifteen seconds she spoke again.

“Well, isn’t it your lucky day. Apparently, he wants to see you. What a surprise.” She announced un-enthusiastically, handing you a slip of paper. “Take the stairs to the left, all the way up to level 4, and then follow the instructions on the paper.”

You just nodded in a daze, holding the paper in your shaking fingers and moving towards the stairs. Suddenly, you were even more nervous than before. You pushed open the stair doors, and realized this moment felt bigger than you. Bigger than anything in your entire life. Every singular event and decision had brought you here and the only thing you could do was stare dumbly at the stairs in front of you.

No. You knocked a closed fist gently against your forehead. I’m fine. I’m been waiting forever for this shit. It’s just stupid Bakugou.

You took one step, pulling your shaky legs along with two hands on the guardrail. Another step, only pull. Another step another pull. You were conquering the stairs, and this moment, gaining momentum before you knew it. With feet moving unbidden and sure and careful and climbing, you rise, steps taking you higher and higher until you hit the 4th floor. It’s a maze of hallways from there, a strange puzzle of paintings that all look the same and tiles that are two shades too dark and doctors and people rushing past and shoving, but your feet are steady, one after the other, fast, fast, faster, and you don’t falter. You don’t falter and you walk down another hallway, look at your paper, take a left, walk a little further, look at your paper, take a right, walk further and faster and further and farther, past room 423, past room 424, past room 425, past room 426, turn another corner, rush past a man wheezing in a wheelchair, skid to a stop- room 427.

You heart hammers in your chest- beating against your ribcage and threatening to burst through your too-thin skin. Your breath shudders, fingers shaking as you push the door- push it open, and wider, and widest, and open.

His face is the very first thing you see. It’s all you can see. All the machines and the hospital bed, all the bandages and the IV’s stuck into his skin- they all fade away. There’s just him and his blonde hair and the way his shoulder’s slope and the defined musculature of his arms. He is real and breathing and solid, and so, so, beautiful. Bakugou’s every breath seems to arrest you, keep you in place and strung tight like a live-wire, electricity running trails of fire through every vein- and his eyes.

His eyes that are darker, deeper, duller- less like raging volcanoes, and more like delicate rubies. They’re red. Red like nothing you’ve ever seen before, and startling and surprising, but it’s not an angry red. Not a violent red. You decide then that Bakugou is a soft, dignified red- he’s hot wax cooling over a sealed envelope, like a slowly healing cut just beginning to fade.

Something in you slots into place. You feel it in your mind, in your bones, in your chest. You’re not itchy anymore, you’re not searching. There is no puzzle left to solve and your finally have all the pieces to your soul; no longer aching anymore for something you knew you should’ve always had. Your skin is finally yours- no longer loose and ill-fitting and stretched thin saving room for someone you hadn’t met yet. You felt right- finally. Settled for the first time in your entire life, like somehow, you’d always knew you’d end up standing exactly where you were.

You think Bakguou must feel it too. He nods something almost imperceptible, but his face softens. He looks so sure- so confident as he looks at you. Like he always expected you to be exactly who you were. Like some part of him too always somehow knew this was going to happen.

You’re tearing up before you can help it, rushing into the room and to his bedside.

“What are ya fuckin’ cryin’ for, idiot?” Bakugou huffs, but his voice comes out strained; buried under thick, barely-restrained emotion. “Nothin’ new left to cry about now, stop it.”

“I can’t,” You’re wiping at tears with your sleeve. “After all this time- my whole life- It’s just- you’re- you’re you. ”

“Course I fuckin’ am.” He says. Bakugou then clears his throat, voice becoming much softer. “Always was to you.”

“I-I know. But it’s just- you’re real.”

He can’t say it back, you can see it in his pinched face and blushing cheeks, but Bakugou nods. You know he feels the same.

“It’s- I- I just didn’t think I’d ever be here,” You start, sinking easily into the chair next to his bed. “And after everything I jus-”

“I’m sorry!” His voice interrupts the relative quiet, cutting through like a knife. He nearly screamed his words, and when you look over at him Bakugou won’t meet your eyes. He’s studying the hospital blankets beneath his fingers, folding and clenching them between fingers gone white from the pressure. “I- I mean that. More than fuckin’ anything.”

“I know.” You say.

The room goes quiet again, and any of the calming completeness you had felt earlier seemed to be fading. Suddenly it’s not just the feeling of finding your soulmate running through you, but the feeling of finding Bakugou. Bakugou who is sitting in front of you, injured and weaker than Dynamite and he doesn’t look like someone who could hurt anything or anyone but then you remember that video- that scream, those eyes.

“Just- fuckin’ say it already. I can see your face, idiot.” Bakugou’s voice is authoritative but not pushy. Inquisitive but not demanding. “It’s- I know your holding back, so just fuckin’ quit it already, alright?.”

“It’s- I just need to know. You said, on the phone, that it wasn’t you, in the video.” You close your eyes. If you look at him any longer you think you’ll lose your nerve. “If it wasn’t you, who was it?”

“I-” You watch as his face falls, eyebrows pulling together. Then he’s turning red, wringing his fingers together and casting his eyes toward your shoes instead of your face. “Can ya- can I- I just have to think. Give me a second. I have to make sure I get the fuckin’ words right.”

You nod. Bakugou seems to leave you for a moment, eyes un-focusing and fingers twitching minutely. He suddenly looks up, meeting your eyes.

“It’s- I shouldn’ta said that shit. It was- I did that. Me.” He admits, words tight and strained like they’re hard for him to speak. He’s got a hand pressed to his mouth, head turned sharply to face the window. He refuses to meet your eyes once more. “But- I’m not- I’m tryin’ not to fuckin’ be like that anymore! I’m workin’ on it or whatever. Since then! E-ever since then.”

“Okay.” You nod. “What happened to the person? In the video?”

Your question seems to upset him, and he throws his hand harshly against the bed. Bakugou breathes- eyebrows pinched together tightly until his shoulders aren’t held together so tensely anymore.

“I told you. I didn’t- everybody always talks about that fuckin’ stupid-ass video but it was only the camera!” He grits his teeth suddenly, sharply inhaling and exhaling until his jaw relaxes once more. His eyes still remain screwed shut. “I meant that. What I said on the phone. The fuckin’ person was fine! Wasn’t fuckin’ hurt. J-just scared.”

You want to believe him. More than anything you want to believe him, but those eyes you saw were hard to forget. They almost seemed like they belonged to someone else- like they couldn’t possibly have belonged to the same guy who’d called you sunshine and helped you with your anxiety and cleared his schedule every night at exactly 7:00 PM. The Bakugou you had come to know was so far removed from the man in the video- the scary, feral, thoughtless man who seemed to attack someone without just cause.

You closed your eyes for a moment, bringing your hands together in your lap. He said he was trying- he made it very clear that was true with his careful breathing and the way he asked for time to think about his words first. The Bakugou sitting in front of you was not the same man in the video. His eyes weren’t violent erupting volcanoes anymore- they were slowly crystallizing gemstones. Precious, valuable things still slowly changing into something new.

“Okay.” You nod. “I believe you.”

Bakugou cracks open his eyes slowly, looking intensely at you. Something anxious in his eyes melts away, relief filling his features and settling in the barely-there curve of his smile. His shoulders relax and he takes a deep breath and a crackle, a pop and-

“Did you? Was that-” You point at his palms. “Was that your quirk?”

“No! Fuck no, why would you even fuckin’ say that- obviously not, because my quirk is fuckin’ cool not some shitty, embarrassing, tiny-”

“Bakugou.” You interrupt sternly, staring him down. “Honesty, remember?”

He groans, and flushes. His hand crackles again, something small and dancing just across his palm and Bakugou races to cover it. He then wipes his hands on his hospital gown harshly, turning his entire body toward the window to cover the way he’s still blushing. It doesn’t work though. You see him all the same.

“Yes.” He admits, and he just sounds so defeated, it makes you crack a smile. “But don’t fuckin’ say anything, okay? It’s all your fuckin’ fault, damn woman! Started the first time you called me and I can’t get it to fuckin’ stop no matter what I do it’s-”

“Can I see your hand?”

“H-huh?”

“Your hand,” You reach toward him gently. “I wanna see. Give it.”

Bakugou doesn’t look at you, just raises his arm and jabs it out toward you. The movement is stunted and awkward, like he can’t control his limbs right, and when you look at him his entire neck has started going red too. He waves his extended hand impatiently, urging you to get on with it.

Slowly, so very slowly, you poke a single finger into the smooth skin of his wrist. Just a feather-light touch. A near-weightless pressure against soft skin.

Pop.

You poke him again.

Pop.

Suddenly embarrassed, you pull both your hands to cover your eyes and blushing cheeks, and begin giggling uncontrollably.

Pop. Pop. Crackle.

Bakugou moves so brashly that it startles you, and he’s pulling his hand back to him, and curling it into his chest. He’s using his other hand to press into the crackling one, finally smothering the sound of a last few pops sounding off. When you finally peek between your fingers, he’s somehow redder than before.

He’s adorable and you’re laughing and you can’t stop laughing because he’s shy and embarrassed and so defenseless against you. Every part of you is warm from the top of your head to the burning tips of your toes, your smile spreading so wide that it over takes your entire face.

“It’s-it’s not fuckin’ funny!” Bakugou shouts. “Stop goddamn laughing, you shitty fuckin’ woman! It’s a good quirk! It’s not fuckin’ funny!”

“It is.” You agree, gasping to catch your breath. “It’s a very good quirk Bakug-.”

“K-Katsuki!” He shouts suddenly, interrupting you entirely. He seems surprised at his own outburst, blushing again and smacking his hand against his forehead. He groans. Loudly. “It’s- I- Katsuki. That’s my name.”

“O-oh. Okay.” You say shakily, heart beginning to race once more. “K-Katsuki, huh?”

Pop. Pop. Pop.

Bakugou screams. Just howls something deep and defeated and animalistic from the bottom of his chest. It fills the room, seemingly taking up all the space, and you could’ve sworn the windows were rattling. You start laughing.

“Fuck! Oh my god! You fucking did this to me, shitty woman! You- you’re- stop fucking laughing!” Bakugou is screaming, arms gesturing wildly. “This isn’t fucking funny! Something is seriously fucking wrong with me! A-and and you don’t even fucking care! You just think it’s funny! I’m fuckin’ broken, fuckin’ suffering, and you’re laughing!”

“It’s- I’m not!” You shakily defend, barely able to complete the words.

“See now you’re just fuckin’ lyin to me! Goddamn fuckin’ liar for a soulmate!” He’s yelling, hot air and fire and irritation seeping from his lips. “You know, it’s just my fuckin’ luck too, you know! To end up with such a fuckin’ idiot for a soulmate! Who just fuckin’ keeps laughin’ and lookin’ cute an-”

Bakugou screeches. He throws his hands down on the bed, palm up, full-on miniature explosions beginning to spout from his fingertips.

“What the fuck did you do to me? What the fuck- I-I didn’t say that! You didn’t hear anything! Would you quit fuckin’ laughing at me?”

You just hold your palm up, tears gathering at the corner of your eyes. Bakugou stares at it, burning holes so intensely and brazenly, so utterly focused and enraged that it sends you into further hysterics. It takes you a good five minutes to sober up.

“It’s- I’m not. I’m not laughing at you.” You lean forward in your seat, just a little bit closer to the guardrail of the hospital bed. “You just- you make me happy ‘sall.”

Bakugou gags. Audibly. The sound rips from his chest and up his throat and contorts his face.

“Don’t just fuckin’ say that!”

“What the hell?” You ask incredulously, hands flying wildly. “You literally told me you like me over the phone! Literally yesterday! But now you’ve got a whole ass problem with me saying that you make me happy? What the fuck, angry man?!”

“It’s- I didn’t- fuck!” He shouts, voice raising to cover yours. “Stop makin’ me remember all this embarrassing shit! You’re doing this on fuckin’ purpose! I know you are, shitty woman!”

“I wouldn’t make you remember it so much it you just fuckin’ owned up to it in the first place, you coward!” You screeched. “If you already said it, and I said I like you, then what’s the big fuckin’ deal, huh?”

Bakugou suddenly goes quiet, his hands fidgeting with the sheets. He chuckles. “You said you like me. Again. Fuckin’ dork.”

“Oh my god! You’re fucking infuriating! No-no don’t just sit there and fucking grin at me! That’s- stop!”

And truly, you meant it. You wanted him to stop looking at you like that, stop crinkling up his eyes, and most of all stop smiling because you didn’t think your heart could handle it. Everything about him made your blood boil, and every nerve stand straight on end- but it was good too. So warm and comforting and just funny.

He was Bakugou and Dynamite and your Soulmate. All in one, awkward, crackling, loud fucking package.

-//--

ee hav sum fluff ,, as a ~reward~

#bnha bakugo katsuki #bnha bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #bakugou x self insert #bakugou fic #bakugou series #bakugou soulmate au #bakugou soulmate textfic #bnha fic #mha fic #bnha soulmate au #soulmate au #bakugou imagine

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mytwilightimagines13 · 4 years ago

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Memories from the past (Caius Volturi)

Word count: Trigger warning: mention of depression

Okaay, so I have decided to try and make one poly story. It seems they are quite popular and since my bisexual ass loves blondes, I figured I will ship our main character with Caius and Athenodora. Also I haven’t seen this ship just yet and I want to explore it hehe. Also, I got the idea from the facebook post below, so thanks for that person for giving me an idea! Hope you guys enjoy it!

Word count: 1083 Trigger warning: mention of depression, suicide

Here lies Isabella Marie Swan September 13th 1987 – September 16th 2027 "Death lies on her like an untimely frost Upon the sweetest flower of all the field." (Romeo and Juliet, Act IV, Scene V, Line 33)

I stood as I looked at the gravestone. My mother’s gravestone. I knew what I was supposed to feel. I had to feel grief, I had to mourn. Yet I didn’t. I was relieved, happy. She was finally free, she could finally rest. “Are you ready to go, kiddo?” my grandfather asked, his voice still shaking with pain. I nodded my head, finally removing my stare from the gravestone and towards the brown orbs that belonged to my grandfather. The brown was surrounded by red as his eyes were puffy from crying. “Yes, let’s go. Shall we go to the diner?” I asked, hoping some food would lift our spirits. Grandpa simply nodded his head as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side. His hand was wrinkled yet laid firmly on them, almost afraid I would vanish as well.

“You know you aren’t allowed to drink, Xandria.” Grandpa said as I took a sip of my white wine. I chuckled. “I turn 21 next month gramps. Besides, I am allowed to drink in Scotland” I said as I took another sip. Grandpa rolled his eyes. “Yet you are in the United states right now. But I guess I can let this one drink slide for today.” He said as he took a sip of his beer. His hair was almost completely white, with some gray streaks woven through it. His face had been wrinkled and a kind yet stern look resided on it. And finally, a moustache in the same colour as his hair accompanied his features. I chuckled sadly at his remark. “Thank you, grandpa. And thank you for letting me stay here.” I said as I played around with my glass. “Anytime panda.” He said, using the nickname he gave me when I was a little chub. Grandma had once dressed me up in a complete panda jumpsuit as a toddler (yes, including with a hat that had little ears on it) and since then the nickname had stuck. The memory of it made me smile as I still had the little jumpsuit back at home.

Grandpa drove us back to his house, the ride back to it was quiet, as had our time at the diner has been. Neither of us felt like talking, not knowing what to discuss without returning to the topic that was my mother. My now dead mother. Once inside I helped grandpa get comfortable on the couch with another beer in his hand watching the football match that evening, yet his eyes where hallow. He merely stared at the screen. I kissed his cheek and made my way upstairs, towards mum’s old room. I jumped on the bed, plunging my face in the pillow as the tears finally came. Truth be told, she never really was much of a mother to me, sure she tried to be there for me but she had a crippling depression that she never could break out from. I had never seen her smile, well truly smile for that. There were only ghosts of what might once had been a genuine smile around her lips, but it never reached her eyes. I sad up and sniffed as I wiped my eyes. I had to remember that she was in a beter place now, and that she was happy. I sighed as I got up to make my way towards the bathroom, only to trip over a loose floor board. I yelped softly as I caught myself on the door handle, my other hand smacking against the wall beside it hard. “Everything okay up there, Panda bear?” Grandpa yelled from downstairs. “Yeah I am fine gramps, just lost my balance. No worries!” I yelled back as I turned around and examined the loose floorboard, only to discover it had a hidden compartment underneath. I knelt down to examine the compartment closer and found a small box hidden in it. I gently grabbed it and sat down on the bed. The box itself was a velvet blue with a simple clasp to keep the lit closed. I flicked the claps and carefully raised the lit, only to find multiple photographs of my mother and a necklace with some sort of crest on it. The crest was made of a lion, with a hand above it and three clovers in a banner underneath the lion. It was beautiful. I felt the tears burning yet again as I grabbed the pictures and started to look through them. It was my mother in her senior year of High School. She had pictures with all of her friends, they were in the parking lot, in classes or they were hanging out. But the last picture intrigued me the most. It was my mother on her 18th birthday, and she was standing next to a boy who seemed to be her age, only there was something odd about him. My eyes traced over his pale white features: the hard square of his jaw, the softer curve of his full lips—twisted in a smile, the straight line of his nose, the top of his forehead—partially obscured by the tangle of rain-darkened bronze hair. He seemed almost unnatural. But the thing that shocked me the most was my mother’s smile. It was genuine. Real. It even reached her eyes. I close my eyes and try to control the tears that are threatening to fall once again. I imagined she might have smiled this way the moment before she jumped off that cliff. I imagine she might have thought about this man. Maybe he was once her true love, before she met my father. Maybe he passed away, and is that the reason why no longer could smile after both he and my father passed away. I could not imagine what it would be like to lose someone you love twice. Even if it might have been years apart. I finally opened my eyes and allowed for one last tear to slip away. I had to believe she was happy now. That she was with my father and her first love again. That she is smiling now like she did in the picture I was holding close to my chest. I just had to believe that.

#twilight #volturi #caius volturi #athenodora volturi #twilight imagine #volturi imagine #vampire

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cjtheghost-14 · 3 years ago

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I posted 91 times in 2021

45 posts created (49%)

46 posts reblogged (51%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.0 posts.

I added 70 tags in 2021

#oc - 12 posts

#attack on titan - 9 posts

#aot - 8 posts

#digital art - 7 posts

#aot edit - 7 posts

#snk - 7 posts

#voltron - 6 posts

#genshin impact - 6 posts

#diluc ragnivindr x reader - 4 posts

#diluc ragnvindr - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 60 characters

#that was probably the best damage ive ever done in that game

My Top Posts in 2021

Sentence Starter Prompts (send in some requests!)

“You look like you could use a hug”

“Huh? Over there? Hold on, I’m gonna go kick their ass”

“Where’s your jacket? It’s cold out, c’mere let me warm you up”

“Dammit! How stupid are you!? I’m in love with you!”

“I’m sorry… I-I never meant to hurt you!”

“Is that our song that’s playing? What a perfect night, let’s dance.”

“What’s the one quote from that show you like? Ah, “driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.” Sounds pretty good to me right now, be quiet my favorite part is coming up.”

“How is that you get even more beautiful every time I see you?”

“I’m not jealous! I just… I just want you to look at me the same way you look at him.”

“I’m going to marry them one day, I just know it…” “What was that?” “N-Nothing!”

“So… random question, what’s your favorite flower?”

“Hey, do you have any extra blankets? I’m sleeping on your couch tonight so I’ll only be a shout away if you need me.”

“Yes, I am upset! Because I’m convinced your my soulmate!”

“Hey… sorry to just show up like this but I heard you weren’t feeling well so I got you some of your favorite snacks. Oh, and your favorite movie, just in case you were up to watch it with me?”

“Listen, I…. I know you’ve had a rough life, but I’ll always be here for you, no matter what”

“Hey, hey, hey, no more apologizing. I’m glad you called me, I meant it when I said any place, any time.”

“I’m helping you, and that's final. I’m not taking no for an answer. Now, where's your kitchen? I’m making us some comfort food.”

“You know, I make the best hot chocolate in the world. Seriously, I’ve asked absolutely everyone on the planet. Everyone except you... what do you say? Wanna make it a global fact?”

“You stayed?” “Well of course I stayed, your here, where else would I be?”

“I knew you wouldn't go to sleep willingly, so I brought you some chamomile tea and a blanket. Twenty minutes of shut-eye, okay?”

“I...sometimes, I guess I kinda wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

“I see you still have my shirt!”

“I’m not letting you sleep on the couch. Come on, get under the blankets.”

“Hey… you’ve been crying.”

“Don’t think I won’t carry you if I have to!”

“Of course I noticed. I notice everything about you.”

“I knew you wouldn't bring a jacket, so I made sure to color co-ordinate with you so you could wear mine on the way home.”

“Please, talk to me... it kills me seeing you like this.”

“I wish I could just freeze time, let this moment be forever.”

See the full post

72 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 21:05:25 GMT

hi! could i request a leo valdez x reader with prompt 22: “I see you still have my shirt!” thank you💕

Of course you can! Your my first request, and I think it’s very fitting for it to be for Leo. He was the first character I found out what x reader fan fiction was. Thanks for the request!

When The Tables Turn - Leo Valdez x Reader

Notes: Sorry this is a little short, and a little like my first Leo x reader... uh, but I like this one better anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Summary: You wake up in a field one day, injured and with no memories. All you have is a white button up that seems oddly important. (This plot is as if the reader replaces Percy when his memories are taken in HOO)

Warnings: Swearing, Blood, Memory Loss, Slight Angst, Fluff, Unedited

You could feel your consciousness slowly coming back to you as the sun rose. Your body was numb. You couldn’t tell if it was from the cold or the injuries from last night. Last night? Wait, how long have I been passed out...

You force your eyes open, squinting at the bright sun, wanting nothing more than to retreat back into the open arms of your dreams. But that’s when your surroundings come into focus. You bolt up, wincing at the sudden pain that shoots through you. What had even happened?

Your eyes scanned the field you were in, wildflowers growing in colorful explosions all around you. You grab your bleeding side, coating your hand in blood. You look down, slow to process what you were seeing. Red stained the dirty white button up you were wearing. “This isn’t my shirt...” You whisper, voice coming out hoarse, making you think you haven't had anything to drink in the past few days.

You tried desperatley to think back to what had brought you into this situation, but you couldn’t. Everything was blurry. You had a vague memory of a monster attacking you last night... something snake like with three heads. But other than that all you knew was your name and age, that was about it. You look down at yourself, hoping that maybe your attire would jog your memories. Instead it confuses you even more. You were wearing an orange t-shirt that read “Camp Half-Blood.” and jean shorts. And that damn white button up that hung loosley around your shoulders. You knew it wasnt yours, but you could feel some connection with it. It almost felt safe. You didn’t understand. You were who knows where, with no memory, all you have is a probably deadly injury and a button up that felt important. In short, you were screwed.

***

It had been a few months since you had first woken up with no memories. You wish you could say that things were clearer now, but they were the opposite. You found out demigods existed, and apparently you were one. You met a bunch of other demigods. A bitchy son of Apollo, a sweet daughter of Pluto, and a nice son of Mars. You had just been on a quest with two of them, making things all the more complicated for you. No memories had come back to you in your time here, only feelings. Since you had awoken in that field a few months ago, you became more and more attached to that button up, refusing to take it off. It had some connection to your past, you knew it. And it was important.

You were currently in a conversation with another demigod, Reyna. The topic being your memories. “Are you sure you cannot remember a single thing?” She asks again, for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Yes, Reyna, I’m sure. I don’t know what else I can do, I already went on that crazy fucking quest!” You exclaim, growing desperate. You didn’t know how much more you could take.

As if the gods heard you, a giant shadow appears over you. You watch as Reyna’s eyes widen, looking up to the sky. You follow her gaze to see a giant greek warship flying above the city, coming to a stop close to where you were standing.

The whole city of New Rome falls silent as they watch a rope ladder be dropped off the side of the ship, a string of people starting to climb down it. A crowd begins to form as the outsiders reach the ground. One boy is looking around desperately, ignorning the threatening looks he was getting from the crowd. You watch as Octavian is about to speak up, but before he can the boy’s eyes land on you.

It’s as if time stops as you stare at him. There was something familiar about him. He was short and had curly brown hair that was falling into his eyes. Oh, and his eyes. A warm brown that felt as if they were staring into your soul. A huge smile grows on his face as he looks at you, shouting to you from across the crowd. “I see you still have my shirt!”

Your slow to process what he is saying. His shirt? Thats when the dam in your mind breaks, memories bursting out. You remembered everything. You remembered Leo.

You don’t hesitate as you begin to sprint through the crowd, knocking over people in your way. “Leo!” You shout as you break through the crowd, running into his open arms. He grabs your waist, spinning you around.

“Y/N!” He shouts happily, tears welling up in his eyes as he peppers your face with kisses. “You came back to me...” He whispers, pulling you in for a close hug. You melt into his arms, remembering how warm he is, remembering how clingy you always were, remembering everything youve ever loved about your soulmate.

“Leo...” Is the only thing you can manage to choke out before he pulls back slightly, staring at you with a dreamy expression on his face. “My Y/N...” He whispers before kissing you softly.

In that moment he is your only thought, your only concern, your only memory. You’ve found your happiness once again. And you would fight tooth and nail to keep that button up of his. You were right, it was connected to your past, and it was very important.

***

The next morning, Leo had his arms wrapped around your waist protectively and his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck. As soon as you two had been reunited he had been very clingy, and so had you. Hedge hadn’t been able to make you sleep in your own rooms last night, you both needed to hold eachother. You would have stayed up all night talking to him if you hadn’t been so exhausted. And he had been so warm and comfy you fell asleep almost immediatley. Now waking up, all you wanted was to go back to sleep in his arms. You almost did too, but then Leo spoke up.

“I’m sorry...” He mutters, nuzzling his face further into the crook of your neck. “I should never have let you be taken like that, Y/N... I’m so sorry...”

Your eyes widen at his words. You had been with Leo for years, you shouldve known he would blame himself, and yet you were very upset that he was apologizing for something he couldn’t control. “Oh darling, no... don’t apologize.”

“Y-You can keep that shirt, you look so cute anyway, and I’ll make you (your favorite food), and we can watch (your favorite movie), and I’ll take you on so many romantic dates, and never let you out of my arms again!” He exclaims, voice breaking.

You roll over in his arms, cupping his face in your hands while rubbing his cheek with your thumb. “Leo... it wasn’t your fault... everything is ok, I promise. I’m ok, I’m perfect now that we’re together.” You whisper before kissing him gently.

He takes a moment to admire you, wiping his forming tears away before they could fall. “Promise?”

“I promise.” You say softly. Leo only showed this sensitive side to you. You knew how to comfort him so he could genuinely smile again. And after a few hours of quality time, he did.

100 notes • Posted 2021-11-15 07:52:24 GMT

For the prompt thing, how about number 3 for Diluc x Reader? :3

Yeees, I think we all need some Diluc content!

Wool Coats And Weddings - Diluc x Reader

Notes: Another short self indulgent fic, sigh, the ending was a little rushed, sorry! Hope you like it!

Summary: Your boyfriend was often busy with work, so you jumped at the chance to spend time with him. He told you he cleared his schedule for you one night and you rushed over, only to find a long awaited surprise waiting for you.

Warnings: Fluff, Fluff, and more Fluff

It had been a long day for you. You had volunteered to do a particularly hard commission at the adventurers guild. Your whole body was sore as you trudged to Dawn Winery, eager to meet your boyfriend, Diluc. He had mentioned that he set aside some time for you tonight. He was often very busy, so you were excited to spend time with him.

As you approach the winery a cold wind blows over you, nipping at your skin. You scrunch up your nose, feeling it start to numb. You pick up your pace despite your aching feet, desperate to retreat into Diluc’s warm arms.

As you reach the winery, you quickly nod and mutter a few quick hellos to the workers outside before hurrying into the mansion. Your eyes scan the expensively decorated foyer before your gaze meets another’s. Cold ruby eyes that only softened when they saw you. You smile brightly, standing still and admiring Diluc for a moment. A soft smile to match your own appears on his lips as you advance towards him, hugging him tightly.

“Oh, there you are, I’ve been waiting for you.” He says with a soft chuckle, ruffling your hair.

“Hmm, sorry I took so long.” You mutter, voice coming out muffled as you bury your face into his chest. “Ran into cryo slimes on my way home.”

“Oh? Is that why your so cold darling?” He asks softly before pulling you closer, rubbing your back gently as he kisses the top of your head.

You hum in response as he pulls back to look at you. “Why don’t we go on a walk?”

“That sounds lovely.” You whisper before kissing him, letting him rest his hand on the small of your back, leading you outside.

The stars outside seemed even more beautiful with Diluc by your side. The whole world did. He leads you further into the winery, far out into the rows of grape vines, lightning bugs flashing every now and then. You glance up to dragonspine, even that freezing landscape looked beautiful. Everything was perfect. You barely even noticed how you were shivering, the cold seeping into your bones.

Of course, what you failed to notice, Diluc did not. “Where’s your jacket?” He asks, concern lacing his words. “It’s cold out, come here, let me warm you up” He says before slipping off his own jacket, laying it across your shoulders.

You smile brightly, your love growing for Diluc even more after that romantic gesture. You often forget your jacket, so it wasn’t unordinary for Diluc to lend you his jacket. But every time he did, butterflies formed in your stomach. You were convinced you had found your soulmate.

“Thank you, love.” You say softly before slipping your hands into the wool lined pockets of the jacket. That’s when your fingers ghost over a small velvet box. Your heart stops as you rub the soft material, fingers gliding over the the curved edges. If you weren’t mistaken, it was a ring box. Your mind immediately jumped to conclusions. Was Diluc going to propose?

A moment passes before Diluc glances over at you, noticing your shocked expression. His face contorts with worry, stopping in his tracks as he speaks softly to you. “Darling? Is everything alright?”

Your too stunned to answer, or hear him for that matter. Your mind was going a mile a minute. Could he really be proposing? You had been dating for a few years now. You had even talked about marriage before. But you were still shocked. Then you reminded yourself that it may not be a ring box at all. And even if it was, it didn’t have to be an engagement ring. But… you secretly hoped it was.

“Darling?” Diluc repeats, snapping your attention to him. You watched as his expression slowly changed from concern to realization. “Oh…oh!” He exclaims before hanging his head, hiding his face from your view. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Diluc…” You whisper, your hope growing more and more by the second. Before you can say anything else he takes your hand, leading you faster through the winery.

“I just wish you had brought your coat love, the surprise would have been more enchanting.” He says, although there is no anger in his voice. Your mind is slow to process his words. Could this really be happening?

Before you have a chance to ponder, you reach the tree line. There’s a soft glow coming from deeper in the forest. Diluc leads you onwards, leaving Dawn Winery behind. You watch as the light becomes brighter before the trees opens up to a small clearing. Lanterns were placed around in the branches of surrounding trees and there were even some nestled in the grass, giving the clearing a soft glow. In the middle of it all is a dinner table, wild flowers in a vase on top of it, along with a lavish meal.

“Wow…” is all you manage to choke out, staring in complete awe at the scene in front of you. Suddenly, you feel Diluc’s gloved hand slip into the pocket along with yours, grabbing the velvet box.

Your head snaps over to him as he smiles softly, getting down on one knee. “I was going to wait until after dinner, but seeing as you already know…” he trails off, opening the box, revealing what you had been expecting all along. A beautiful engagement ring. The band was gold with silver leaves decorating it. A diamond was nestled in the middle, shimmering in the glow of the lanterns. “Y/N… will you marry me?”

“Yes!” You shout, not hesitating as the fog of your mind clears. You had never been more sure about anything in your life.

He chuckles quietly, a bright smile adorning his lips. It was a smile he would only ever show to you. “Really?”

“Yes, of course! By the archons, I love you!” You exclaim before jumping into his arms, burying your face into the crook of his neck. You had been waiting your whole life for this moment, and now you knew, no matter what life would throw at you in the years to come, you would always have Diluc by your side.

121 notes • Posted 2021-11-21 02:11:34 GMT

Diluc Ragnvindr x Reader Headcanons

Requests: None (but they are open!)

Notes: Bro so like, my last fanfic kinda blew up a bit so ummm omg thank you, I was kinda losing it, but I decided to post my Diluc headcanons for all my new followers since I don’t currently have anymore fic ideas, so please send in some requests!

Summary: My headcanons for my favorite fluffy haired king and what it’s like to be in a relationship with him <3

Warnings: Burns, Self Harm

Fluffy hair, fluffy fluffy fluffy hair

He acts annoyed when you play with it, but he secretly loves it, trust me

He just melts when you run your hands through his hair, despite the grumpy expression he has on his face

If you can’t see through his expression and stop playing with his hair he will grab your wrist and put your hand back where it was, not saying a word

He’s not as grumpy about it from now on, at least in private (in private he can and will fall asleep as you play with his hair, his favorite way to fall asleep)

Pssst- your the reason he started wearing his hair in a high ponytail, because while playing with it you often tie it up like that

Theres a reason he wears gloves, but he’s never told anyone why

You yourself found out by accident

He forgot to lock the bathroom door one day, and you walked in while he was washing his hands

There was burn marks all over his fingers and palms

When he saw you he panicked. This lead to a very long conversation between the two of you

When he first got his vision, he didn’t know how to use it. Accidents happened. But, apparently some of the burns were self inflicted. Sometimes his past became too much for him

He promised you that had been a long time ago, he was better now that he had you.

Even with his promises you got upset, and it lead to a long night of cuddles. You made him promise to talk to you if he ever felt even a little upset

He promised you, sealing it with a kiss

Nightly strolls!!!

No matter how busy Diluc is he will always to find time to take you on a walk around the winery when the stars are lighting up the sky

He wraps his coat around you on chilly nights, chuckling softly when you snuggle into it. He can’t help but admire you when your bundled up in his clothes

He is feircly protective of you, but he tries not to show it, But he is always sure to veer away from the cryo slimes on your walks, or he takes care of them beforehand, as you sometimes like to wander into Liyue a bit on some nights

Diluc actually gets insanly jealous

He sometimes doesn’t feel good enough for you, so when he see’s you hanging out with Kaeya, for example, he gets really insecure

He tries not to let you know. Poor boy is embarrassed, ok? He loves you so much, and of course he trusts you but seeing you with someone, especially Kaeya, makes him a little upset

He won’t say anything though, but he will get a little distant

It takes him a little while to open up, but when he does you’ll have to comfort him a bit

When his jealously passes and he calms down he apologizes profusely, he doesn’t want to be the “jealous boyfriend”

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154 notes • Posted 2021-11-14 04:57:54 GMT

The Flowers Of Mondstadt - Diluc Ragnvindr x Reader (Soulmate AU)

Requests: None

Notes: I’ve been obsessed with soulmate au’s and Diluc lately so here we are, also this is unedited, I’m tired, deal with it.

Summary: You’ve lived in Inazuma your whole life. While strict and conforming, it was beautiful. It was one of the only upsides to the city of eternity, in your opinion. So you took up sketching its beauties. Particularly, the flowers. You would sit for hours, using your arms as your own personal canvas in an attempt to make yourself as beautiful as your surroundings. And perhaps, to attract the attention of your soulmate. Whatever you drew on your body would appear on your soulmate's body as well. It was your only contact with the outside world, your only lifeline. And finally, the day came where you could compare Inazuma’s flowers to Mondstadt’s.

Warnings: Seperation, Crying, Fluff, Slight Angst

You were five when you learned about soulmate bonds. It was a concept a little complicated for your young mind to comprehend, but your mother had to offer an explanation when you came to her crying that someone invisible wrote something on your arm. She explained to you that everybody born in Teyvat had a soulmate, someone that perfectly complemented you and your personality. Someone made for you. You hadn’t really understood at the time, all you knew was you had a new friend to talk to. So after a moment of staring at the messy word, “Hello?”, written on your arm, you write back, “Hi!”

It was a minute before a new word appeared. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.” You write, smiling brightly. “What's yours?”

“Diluc.”

***

It’s been years since a new word has appeared on your arm. When Diluc stopped responding you were worried that something had happened. A sick feeling had settled in your stomach for months. Diluc was your only connection to the outside world, he was your only lifeline. He gave you hope of one day escaping Inazuma, making your way to the city of freedom. But it’s been years now, and your hope has slowly faded. Life seemed a little duller after Diluc stopped responding. The only thing that made you feel emotion anymore was drawing the flowers around Inazuma. Despite Inazuma being a harsh and constricting nation, its flowers were beautiful. You had spent years perfecting your sketches of them, your arm was often covered with the drawings. Before Diluc had left, he told you of the flowers that are found in Mondstadt, he even drew a few of them for you. Your favorite had been the Cecelia’s. He promised to pick you a bouquet when you finally met.

Thinking back on the memory made your hands shake, turning the flower you were drawing on your arm to a messy ink stain.

“By the archons…” You mutter to yourself, closing your eyes for a moment. “Why… Why did you leave?” You whisper, voice breaking. A pit was settling in your stomach again. It’s been this way for too long, you were sick of this dismal existence. You didn’t even know if he was dead or alive. The question was plaguing your mind, you needed answers. You needed to be happy.

That was the moment you decided. You needed to escape Inazuma. Your mind started going a mile a minute, thinking of plans, and money, and things you would need. You didn’t stop to consider what it really meant to leave Inazuma. It was your home, and your family was here. And chances are, you would never be able to return. But at the moment, none of that mattered. You were desperate to be happy again.

You bolt up, setting off to find the one man who could help you. Your best friend, Thoma. You knew where he would be, he was supposed to be meeting someone at the docks in Ritou. Apparently, Aether you think his name was, came to Inazuma on a pirate ship. Maybe you could hitch a ride out of Inazuma.

***

By the time you got to the docks, you could see Thoma talking to three strangers. You run up behind him, shouting his name.

He turns, a confused look on his face. “Y/N, what are you doing here?”

You skid to a stop in front of him, breathing heavily, your lungs burning from the run. “I… I need to go find him.”

“Go find him? Wh-” He starts to say before stopping himself, eyes widening. “Him.”

“Yes! And I need help, Thoma please.” You beg, ignoring the looks you were getting from the three he had been having a conversation with. “I need him to be happy, Thoma… I need to meet him… I need to meet Diluc.”

Before he can say anything, one of the strangers speaks up. “Diluc? Do you mean… Master Diluc?!” She says in a high pitched voice.

You glance over to look at her, she is a small girl with white hair, and she's floating next to a man with blonde hair, a confused look on his face as well.

“D-Do you know him?!” You ask, the hope you had felt years ago slowly creeping back to your heart.

“Yes, we know him!” The girl says, smiling. “Master Diluc owns a bar and a winery in Mondstadt!”

“So he’s…. He’s alive!” You shout, smiling genuinely for the first time in years. “I need to get to him!”

“Well we came over here on Captain Beidous ship, The Crux! Maybe you can catch a ride too!”

Your gaze drifts over to the other stranger, who’s name is apparently Captain Beidou. She smiles at you, setting her hands on her hips. “It’d be my pleasure, he’s your soulmate I’m guessing? Yeah, you have that look in your eyes. I remember when I met mine, in Liyue Harbor. That’s where I’m heading now, I’d be happy to have you aboard.”

Before you can even process what she said, Thoma speaks up. “W-wow… your… actually leaving.”

You turn to look at him, smiling sadly as you hug him. Thoma was the only one who could even attempt to fill the void Diluc left. “Thoma, I’m not leaving you behind.” You say softly. “I’ll find a way to see you again, I promise.”

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216 notes • Posted 2021-10-29 04:32:41 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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fandom-sheep · 4 years ago

Text

Capt. Puffy and BadBoyHalo 25 APR 21

Delayed Liveblogging Red Banquet Part 1/1

I’m not mentally prepared for this

But Eret looks awesome and I’m glad they decided to ride the red armor horse.

We’re nervous too.

Also Fundy casually wearing just plain armor.

I’m dual weilding streams now.

Bads got some good music going.

I’m going to primarily watch Puffy’s POV but I’m also watching Bad because I refuse to miss anything.

Ponk and Ant are there wondering where everyone is. Everyone is watching Eret spin on a horse.

Oh Niki!

Oh Sam!

I love how some went all out and got new skins while others just, threw on some armor.

Oh. Everyone’s finally wandering in.

I’m going to mostly listen to Bad never mind. I feel listening to the most main character ish character would be smart.

Ah water. Sketchy.

This is too hospitable for my liking.

Niki seems impressed.

Everyone claiming to be 6’3” wow.

I’m still in love with the fact that Eret’s and Foolish’s outfits do match those from that one fan art.

Oh look at Fundy all dressed up.

I look away for one second and Sam is in a cauldron.

There is too much funny stuff happening for lore.

Finally making there way to the dance floor. Nice.

Bad’s end is so far behind where I am watching Puffys.

Forget it. I’ll watch Puffy’s uneless something interesting happens.

Everything does look nice.

Foolish. Please don’t make this too cursed. Please.

Thick Cider. Mhm.

*noises of disappointment in cursed lore*

Has no one met Fundy? They are surprised he robbed the outfit.

Eret so proud of her dress.

Oh wait George is here for the Lore and he is on time. Impressive.

Sam isn’t wearing pants... that is a good point. Oh off he goes.

This is just a series of insulting each other in fancy outfits. There is no lore. Only mild chaos.

Are we having a maid bit? Yep we are having a cat maid hbomb bit.

We’re just sitting her insulting one another.

Dinner! I’m also trying to add tags to this with everyone who is here and this is going to be hard.

Puffy also sitting at the head of the table. That’s probably symbolic.

Look at Foolish go... look at that totem go.

Oh look the King is speaking. Oh monarch?

Eret’s skin just looks so good. I can’t get over it.

Everyone taking turns sharing at the banquet like kids introducing themselves at the start of an event.

Oh no. Puffy is going.

Road trip plays in the background.

Oh George. Fundy cheering for being asleep.

Beat flavored soup. Wow. Free range beet. I would say that.

Who is throwing eggs? I recognize that sound effect.

Bad. You are talking yourself into a hole.

I know dramatic speeches and I did not like those pauses.

Whoa Whoa Whoa. Lava Wall.

We leaving the leaf.

HBomb is sizzling.

Oh. They planned for her plan.

This feels like a chaotic show.

WAIT HANNAH! I FORGOT THE EGG GOT HER!

No. No main event.

How many other plans are there?!?! This feels like such a strange episode.

Oh? Attempted egg splosion.

We knew that wouldn’t work after Quackity’s attempt.

Well... it was a good try.

Wait executions! There aren’t enough cannon lives here for executions.

Oh Eret! Speaking up.

You go your majesty.

He might have been the original traitor but he did get to grow.

Oh please don’t sacrifice Eret.

Oh Fundy sounds so distraught.

Oh wow Fundy and Niki saying exactly the same thing.

I do not like this.

Ah the totem has yeeted the Rolex.

Yes Lightning!

Oh they planned for that. he revealed his skills and they planned for it.

*distressed sounds*

Wow Eret is ready to die first so Foolish doesn’t have to.

And they swapped spots.

No. Quit manipulating. We don’t need another manipulation arc.

I’m getting chills from all this.

NOOOOO

Canon Life’s Lose so far: 1

Bop Bop Bop. Another one bites the dust.

Oh. Quackity.

Sup Quackity.

Eret you aren’t streaming quit blocking the view.

Go duck man go.

How did Quackity get in again? I missed that somehow?

The Rolex. Quit with the mild comedy! We’re over here crying and y’all are throwing a Rolex.

Oh no! What army.

FREAKING TECHNOBLADE!

AND THE HOUNDS!

Alright. Waiting for the dogs to come is an acceptable comedic distraction.

Techno is terrifying.

Oh Purpled. And kiddo has a nice suit.

Techno and Quackity’s fans are going to go nuts.

Look at Puffy go.

Good job gal.

Look at that hound army go.

All the cannon lives being lost.

Don’t go for him?

Oh Purpled go. That ok.

Poor Fundy sounds so stressed.

Techno in character going “IDK who that is”

Oh rats. They got out.

Another prison. Why is that our solution to everything.

Ive pulled Bad’s POV up again, but I’ve got ads.

Oh. Bad sounds sad. And his chat is spamming dream...

And he has sad music.

Everyone being an unreliable narrator here.

Oh bad boating away.

While everyone talking about containing the egg.

Oh Bad’s ending on a sad note.

People talking about plot armor. Eret has been here since Early L’manberg and he still has all cannon lives.

Well. Bad ended and everyone else is stressing.

Digging out. Everyone so done with all that.

Aww. No more parties...

Hooray Air!

Oh. Stew.

Oh Puffy honey.

Her child was killed in front of her. Killed her friends. There is a crisis.

The others dinking around just out of and just in frame aren’t helping the moment.

Oh. We lost a doggies. Sadness.

Sorry wait Puffy is doing heart hurting stuff.

Go find your boy honey.

Oh wait we’re ending.

Well... that was something.

Can someone else go live and just kinda chill on the smp out of character please? Just so there is a little less whiplash of streams ending.

Anyway. That was really good and I like all the characters being involved. Didn’t feel like anyone was too out of place between speeches and just the hanging out at the beginning.

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neutron-stars-collision · 4 years ago

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 21 - Losing My Religion

Masterlist; Chapter 20

Summary: After Tallinn, you use the opportunity and visit Neil’s apartment. What you find there, only increases the confusion, just as the pieces are set for the endgame.

Warnings: Swearing; angst.

Author’s Notes: This was a challenge, and it’s a little different too, a breather before the real fun begins... or something. After this we move onto the icebreaker... (and things). I’ll shut up now, hope you’ll enjoy and all kind of feedback are greatly welcomed!

The clean up after TP’s little accident on the highway was difficult. And tiring. By the time you have dealt with the mess and could call it a day, you wanted nothing but to sleep. And also disappear from the face of the Earth. That second thing was rather tricky to achieve. Unfortunately. You had to settle for the slightly awkward space given by the rest of the team and the fact that you were bound to return to London the next day. That was something. Even if it meant having to debate whether those damned keys were to be used.

The journey back was uneventful. Only Wheeler seemed capable of talking to you without looking as though she has been trapped in some metaphorical web of ineptitude that the others got caught in. That was alright. At least she knew how that conversation in the container went. Her company was good enough to keep you from going insane for the time being.

The moment the car arrived at the London quarters, you practically bolted out through the door. Eager to finally have your own space to reflect, cry, and try to move on after the unimaginable. But it was not exactly meant to be given…

“Y/N, wait!” Ives’ voice rung out through the reception hall as you skidded down the corridor.

Crap.

“Yeah?” cautiously, you stopped in your tracks, facing the squad leader.

Making the mistake of glancing at the reception desk, you met Anna’s watchful gaze. Of course. Even though you knew she had no clue about anything that transpired between you and Neil, it still felt like a painful reminder.

“I…uh...” the hesitation in Ives’ voice made you frown, “I just got this, and I’m not sure…” he passed you his phone with a strange expression on his face.

A text from TP. Just like the ones you received before. Right… This one had a familiarly succinct form: “Invert for eight days with the army from tomorrow. Then get to Trondheim, awaiting further instructions”

“Is this from him?” you looked up to see the blue eyes boring into yours with confusion.

“Yeah, it must be” you nodded and handed him back the phone.

At that exact moment, you got a text as well. Hurriedly you took out the device and read the message:

“Invert along with Ives and the rest”.

Short and simple. Yet not at all. Without a word, you showed your companion the text message and stifled a heavy sigh. Inversion. Eight days. Trondheim. That most likely confirmed your worst fears. The end of it all was near, and you were needed there. You, Neil, and everyone else still had their parts to play in the most important of showdowns.

“So, I guess we’re going back” you could feel Ives’ inquisitive stare on you “Just like they are” he added, awaiting a response.

Meeting Neil after those eight upcoming days sounded like a nightmare. Because a week was never enough to fall out of love. Or to even attempt it. You were a lost cause.

“…yep” nodding halfheartedly, you could feel another weight settle on your shoulders.

“Excited?” the intensity of Ives’ look convinced you towards his intentions.

Evidently, he tried to get a clue towards your state, probably assessing whether you could endanger the mission in any way. Despite everything, you were a professional. A Tenet agent. That had to come before any personal issues you might have had. Forcing a smile, you met his gaze with sincerity.

“Not really” a shrug completed the response.

But it was enough as he grinned back and squeezed your shoulder reassuringly.

“It’s alright. Have today off and be ready tomorrow morning,” he ordered with a feigned sternness.

“Aye aye, sir” you saluted, enjoying the laugh it prompted.

Maybe not everything was utterly shit.

“Your edge is still intact, I see,” he commented once the laughter died down.

“At least something is then” you grimaced slightly and walked off with a wave.

A day off. What could one possibly do with something like that after everything? The set of keys in your pocket felt heavy for something that small. And insignificant (in theory).

*** It took you one hour of staring at the wall, a thirty-minute-long shower, and two coffees to decide to make use of the keys. After all, what was the harm? It was a way of spending the idle hours. And maybe to understand him a little better. Even if it was too late to save anything. You wanted to know him. To know his mind and heart. You dug out the note with the address Ives gave you and typed it into the maps app. Your hands were shaking the whole journey. Even though it was not far, it turned out to be challenging. Often you were catching yourself glancing at the phone, expecting him to call or text as he always did. But then you remembered, making the nerves come to the surface again. You wondered whether it was because of the absolute wreckage your relationship became or because you were unable to contact him in any way. Walking the streets leading to Neil’s apartment, you realised that it was probably both. You missed him. Simple as that. And equally complicated at the same time.

Google maps led you to an old docking space transformed into posh loft spaces in two store buildings of dark red brick. The residential area was completed with a large parking lot (full of rather good cars), making the first question of the day pop into your head: Did Neil have a private car? Something that unimportant yet entirely mundane only made you realise how little you knew of his life. But this was exactly why you came here. The second thought was something you always knew yet never took time to ponder on: the fact that he undeniably had money. It did not matter, of course. Just another fact that could as a trigger for the intrusive ideas to appear.

Ignoring the spiraling thoughts, you made your way to the indicated building, keying in the code at the door and following the stairs to the second floor. The apartment door no 4 looked like any other you have passed on the way. Turning the key in the lock, you took a deep breath, gathering courage for god knows what. Perhaps just being alone with everything that had to do with Neil… The door opened soundlessly. Faint daylight from the corridor fell onto the furniture and objects gathered in the hall, helping your eyes adjust to the darkness. You closed the door and locked it. The least you could have wanted was for someone to break in on your watch. Now that would have made him hate you. If he didn’t already, that is. Taking off the shoes, you scanned the hall. Hooks with various jackets and coats on the wall. Including a slightly weathered leather one that perked your interest. With fingers ghosting the material, you were unable to block the images of Neil wearing it. That was enough to make you blush and curse out loud. That won’t help with getting over him. As though that was even possible.

Next, your eyes landed on the shoes rack in the corner showing off Neil’s questionable taste in footwear. You grimaced when spotting another pair of brogues (that would have to go… if there was any future for you) and then smiled involuntarily at something as casual as old converse on the top shelf of the rack. So, he could dress more… normally. Interesting.

The rest of the space was filled with a large mirror and a cupboard full of random objects such as spare lightbulbs, shoe care products, and cleaning supplies. On top of that cupboard, there was a succulent (practical, you had to admit), a desk calendar, and a small notepad filled with Neil’s writing. The contents ranged from shopping lists to quantum physics, making you grin fondly when looking through the pages. The latest entry was written down in haste and barely eligible. What you deciphered made your heart stumble for the first time that day. It seemed like Neil was planning to invite you over after Tallinn, prepare dinner, and apparently do all that ‘he wanted to for a while’. Brilliant. The notepad fell from your hands as the implications dawned on you. He wanted to set everything straight, to talk and potentially tell you important things… But now, it did not matter. There was no post-Estonia. Just you alone in his cold, darkened apartment, full of doubts, regrets, and worries.

Shivering from both the chill and the anxiety, you ventured into the living room. It was an open space with a large leather sofa, TV, record player with shelves full of albums and vinyls. There were also bookcases filled to the brim and a dining table for four. Once your gaze fell onto the black piano in the corner, you did a double-take. Obviously, Neil was musically talented. All those times when he has been desperate to annoy you by singing various corny love songs in public were an indisputable example. A moment like that from Tallinn flashed before your eyes…

You and Neil sat in a restaurant on one of the ‘dates’ you had managed to fit into the schedule before TP arrived in Estonia. Cozied up in the corner on a comfortable sofa, you felt perfectly at peace. Instead of taking the seat opposite, Neil got as close as it was possible without raising eyebrows of the fine clientele. You were chatting about everything and nothing, occasionally taking sips of the coffees and letting your hands rest on each other’s knees. Other times they would be interlocked on the table between the plates, showing to the world that this was no platonic meetup. Using the natural break in the conversation, you finished the remains of your latte and watched as Neil focused on the radio somewhere in the background. By this point, you should have known better, but still, the second he started singing took you by surprise.

‘Pretty woman I don't believe you, you're not the truth No one could look as good as you, mercy’

His gaze settled on you without that mercy, awaiting a response. His lips curled into a deadly smirk, making the matters worse. For a moment, you wanted to ignore him, to deny him the satisfaction. But the way he stared, enunciating the song lyrics with precision and aiming them at you, triggered the familiar desire to stake your claim. To make him (and everyone else) understand that he was yours. Especially with a voice that beautiful and eyes that looked at you with boundless affection.

‘Pretty woman that you look lovely as can be Are you lonely just like me’

It was the cheesy growl at the end of that stanza that did it. Combined with the huskiness of Neil’s voice and his hand appearing on your thigh underneath the table, it was enough to convince you to shut him up the best way you knew. You leaned in, placing your palm on the inside of his thigh, just close enough to remind him. Capturing his lips in a kiss, you did not have to wait long for Neil to invite you closer. You began the intimate dance, getting lost in the moment entirely. With him being in public did not matter. Especially not when he was giving you everything he could on a silver plate. Those days every kiss threatened to evolve into a full make-out session as you tried to get ever closer to him. That is why when you heard an awkward cough followed by “Miss, Sir, I’m sorry, but I need to ask you to leave” you could only start laughing. That was two days before your walk, which ended in the alley. The rest was history.

Shaking your head slightly, you let go of the memory. Has it gotten even colder? Shivering, you spotted a sweater draped on the side of the sofa. Crossing the space, you glanced at the instrument that caught your attention. A simple black Kawai piano with a Chopin music score opened on the fallboard and the stool underneath. If there even was a future, you wanted to hear him play something. You could almost picture it. Those long, elegant fingers on the black and white keys, hitting every note with perfection and the flourish he applied to every single task. His gaze focused. Golden hair falling into his eyes carelessly. Lips parted, tongue poking out in concentration. He was bound to be a sight as usual.

Ignoring the waking up flutters that always accompanied every thought about Neil, you picked up the sweater. It was the colour of dark red wine, simple and yet sophisticated in its simplicity. Cashmere. He really is posh. Giving in to the sudden whimsy, you breathed in the smell. That was a mistake. The moment Neil’s essence overwhelmed your senses, you felt a surge of feelings. The musky scent, the hints of bergamot and lavender that always brought comfort. Before you could second guess everything, you put the sweater on, letting the smell envelope you like his hugs always did. It was another thing that you missed. The ability to rest within his strong embrace, safe and wanted. The feeling of his arms cradling you with care. Without the solidity beneath your hands, it was hard to remember how it felt. The sweater had to do. You rolled up the sleeves and approached the large window, drawing back the curtains to see the view and let in light. The sight certainly was not disappointing with the lookout on the Thames and the docking ships. The area looked peaceful, like the place you could want to go out on walks and spend the rest of your life… No, stop. That was a dangerous line of thinking. After all, you only came here to satisfy the curiosity. And because you could, with nothing left to lose. Well, maybe apart from your sanity.

With the day shedding some light onto the furniture and objects in the room, you could more closely assess the type of person Neil was. The décor was rather posh (nothing surprising there) with leather, dark wood, and refined fabrics gracing the space. But upon a closer look, you could see the hints of Neil’s personality shining through the bounds of the stereotypes. It was visible in the chaos of the little details. Billy Idol album discarded on the CD player making you smile. The dying plants on the windowsill. The opened book on the coffee table right next to a bar of chocolate and some bullets. What even…

Looking around the space, you could easily picture him there. It was like entering a museum of Neil’s life and heart, and you were just a mere visitor. A trespasser even though you had the keys. Lost in the thoughts, you approached the bookshelves, looking over the titles. Young and Freedman’s University Physics with Modern Physics with a worn-out spine and a library stamp on the title page (a theft?). Griffith’s Introduction to Quantum Mechanics with scribbles on the margins, making your head hurt. More Quantum Mechanics but only getting increasingly complex. Spacetime and Geometry. In between the textbooks, there were classics of English and American literature, proving your theory that Neil knew the canon well. All those quotations had to come from somewhere… You looked over the further titles relating to the nuclear area of Physics and relativity of time, only to be thrown out of the moment when your eyes landed on a photograph in a wooden frame. A grinning young man with warm brown eyes and curly dark hair sat on the bench in the park. Alex. Picking up the photo, you took a closer look, feeling inexplicable heaviness in your chest. He looked just like Neil described him – an essence of goodness and understanding. The lump in our throat was strange. He still loved Alex that was a fact and something you took for granted. For a second, you wondered whether you could ever be half that important to him. But that was selfish. And wrong.

Swallowing hard, you put down the frame, focusing on another one nearby. In that photo, you recognized everyone. Ives with slightly longer hair grinning widely, next to him Wheeler with her practical bun and amused eyes, TP relaxed like always when in the company of friends. And then… You would recognize those eyes and sharp jaw anywhere, but… He’s not naturally blonde? You stared at the man who was undoubtedly Neil but with light brown hair, just as messy as usual. Interesting. You did suspect he dyed the hair but still having confirmation was unexpected. Staring a little longer at the photo, you already knew that it did not matter. He was a work of art, full stop. The rest of the photos depicted the Tenet crew, apart from the one you assumed was a family snapshot from years ago. Two happy boys with mundane looking parents and a Labrador retriever (Charlie!). Upon a closer look, you could tell that Neil got his blue eyes after his mother and the smile after his father. It was an interesting discovery. Other objects littering the shelves included postcards, trinkets from travels, and a strange collection of obscure coins. Also, more notebooks with Neil’s equations and theories and music scores. There was no order, just fate, and fancy. Just like him.

Wandering into the kitchen, running your fingertips over various instruments and surfaces, you wanted to soak in the atmosphere of the apartment. So far, the new information was almost overwhelming. But also fascinating in the fact that you already felt like you knew him better. Glancing at the fridge in passing, you froze. Among the cheap promotional magnets and old shopping notes attached to it, there was a rather familiar writing visible. A note you made Anna pass to him many weeks ago. “I’ll be at the shooting range. Meet you for dinner after 5” signed with your initials for practicality. Why has he kept it? It did not make sense. You forgot about the existence of something that inconsequential, yet here it was. Kept in place with a blaring orange magnet from Sainsbury’s. Suddenly feeling a little faint with the implications of the moment, you poured tap water into the glass and sat down on the stool by the kitchen island. You could still remember Anna’s offended stare when you gave her the note with the instruction to pass it to Neil later. That memory triggered another one, much more recent…

In the days leading up to Tallinn, you went out with Neil for a lunch and walk under the guise of planning the logistics of your journey. Sure, there was some planning being done over the tea and sandwiches. But there was also a lot of hand-holding, kissing, and gazing shamelessly. It was during those days, and then the idle hours in the safe house, that you have allowed yourself to love him. The feelings were there for months (most likely), but only after Oslo and the candid conversations in your room, you felt more at ease with them. So far, that PDA was not all that terrifying. And so, when you came back to the London quarters that afternoon, your fingers intertwined, you only realised how it looked like from the outside when Neil tugged you in the direction of Anna’s desk.

“What are you doing?” you hissed, hoping the woman was too busy to see you.

“I told you, need to get that ID sorted,” he explained, matching your conspiratorial tone, completely oblivious to your struggles.

“Yeah, but…” you raised your joined hands as if to show him the issue.

Neil grinned, waving his free hand dismissively.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. It’s not like that’s against the rules” ending the sentence, he took the final step separating you from the desk.

Great. Plastering on the most pleasant of smiles, you met Anna’s accusatory glare. You could not blame her.

“Anna, hi” Neil’s bright grin got met with a cold face of stone.

You vividly remembered that first day at Tenet, when you were filling in the paperwork, observing him flirt with the woman behind the desk. Back then, you were baffled by her reaction, the fluttering of eyelashes and lovesick smiles. Now you wondered how you got to that point and why you were seemingly luckier than she could ever be.

“Yes?”

“My ID is expiring soon. Was wondering if you could give me the form for the new one?” Neil’s chirpy tone made you hide a smile by looking at the floor “I want to get this sorted for after we’re back” he added, with that hopeful gaze barely anyone could ever say no to.

Anna was not any different.

“Naturally,” she spared you a final spiteful look before turning around to use the computer.

Glancing around the empty lobby, you hoped to survive the rest of the encounter without any additional awkwardness. But Neil had other plans. He stepped in closer, nose brushing over your ear, tearing down any illusions about the nature of your relationship. You stifled a sigh when his lips placed a small kiss over your temple.

“Shall we go to yours after this?” the whisper complemented with a ghost of his fingers on the side of your neck made you shiver.

“Maybe…” you cast a wary glance at Anna, but her back was turned.

Thankfully.

“I thought we could resume the planning…” upon the suggestive tone, you turned to meet his gaze.

Surely enough, the playful sparks were there. And the smirk too. Of course. Planning, in this case, most likely meant more cuddling… and potentially kissing. His hands getting accustomed to your body, leaving countless promises for the future. The thoughts alone made you blush. Before Neil could get any closer, Anna’s voice interrupted the moment:

“Here’s your form,” nothing but ice and fury.

So, she must have noticed…

“Thanks” the polite nod made you snicker.

During the next few terribly long minutes, you did your best to avoid looking at the other woman. Or at Neil. Your gaze roamed over the ceiling, the walls, and the floor. Reading the same fire evacuation instructions for the fifth time, you felt a gentle touch on your arm:

“Can I put down your details as my emergency contact?” you looked up straight into those inquisitive blue eyes “I’ve had Ives the last two years, but I think you’re a more accurate option these days,” he explained as though it was obvious.

Emergency contact? You always assumed those were for best friends and spouses. You were not sure which fitted the criteria.

“How so?” blurting out the only viable question, you met his perplexed gaze.

“… because I’m with you and not with him” the bluntness of the reply made your heart stumble.

“Right”

Of course, you agreed. As a ‘thank you’ that afternoon, Neil kissed you until there was barely any breath left for either of you. Now you missed the feeling of being that desired.

And yet, that stupid note was right there, in your eyes a bright red spot that you could not ignore. Because surely, he must have cared at some point? You finished the remains of water and washed the glass. Then, just for the sake of a distraction, you went through the kitchen cupboards. Nothing surprising. Appliances that looked barely used. Canned food every Brit would be expected to have. The amounts of frozen meals in the lower fridge compartments confirmed another thesis - Neil did not like cooking. That was fair not everyone could be Jamie Oliver. Not that you would prefer him. Certainly not. Shaking your head at the ridiculousness of the thoughts, you opened another cabinet. Wine and glasses, triggering the memory from your date night in Oslo. The way Neil tried to emulate his swank further by pretending to be a sommelier, making you laugh with his fake French accent and sparse knowledge. Upon the efforts to name something else than tannins (that Sauvignon Blanc had little of), you stepped in, shutting him up with a fingertip tracing the outline of his lips, collecting a stray droplet of wine. And then licking your finger clean, much to his shock. The strange snapshot from one of the most eventful nights in your life was a good cue to leave the kitchen and trod down the corridor.

You stepped into the bathroom, curiously glancing at the contents of the cupboards and around the sink. Nothing remarkable. Giving in to the temptation, you sprayed the cologne he used on your wrist and inhaled deeply. Closing the bathroom door, your eyes landed on the room at the end of the corridor. Neil’s bedroom. Involuntarily, you felt a shiver run down your spine. Bedrooms were always a sacred space. The most private of places in the house. The stage set for life’s crucial events. Love, life, and tragedy all began to play out (and end) in there. If there was a room closest to the heart of the owner, it would be the bedroom and its contents. With a shaky hand, you pressed down the handle and opened the door. The interior was almost too mundane. The bed with dark grey covers and decorative pillows. Some artworks on the walls and drawn curtains, forcing you to turn on the ceiling lamp. A small bedside table with a night light and books. A walk-in closet with the sliding doors partly opened. That was what drew you in first, crossing the space you peered inside. Only to be overwhelmed with that Neil smell that made sure to make your heart rate pick up. Gently, you ran your fingers over the suit jackets and sweaters hanged on the rails. He had a multitude of those, in different colours. Eyeing a suit in dark blue, you could imagine how it would bring out his eyes. There were a few sweaters in different shades of green, confirming the suspicions that he liked the colour. Further along, you found a drawer with ties of various patterns, making you grin at one olive green with Labradors on it. Now that was a classic Neil accessory.

Just when you were about to end the ‘snooping’ your gaze landed on a more casual part of the wardrobe. Jeans folded on the shelves, t-shirts, and polos. Even a jean jacket somewhere in the back. In the drawer, you found socks with questionable patterns, only increasing the fondness you felt for the owner of such an eclectic wardrobe. And then you made the mistake of letting your curiosity get ahead of you. Another drawer. Underwear. Your face got warm as you slammed it shut. Enough. Thinking about that could lead to the dangerous territory you would rather not venture out to. At least not when alone in his apartment, overwhelmed with memories and feelings. There would be time for this too later… Hopefully.

Sliding the doors shut, you took in the room again. The pile of books on the bedside table caught your attention. Gingerly, you sat down on the bed, doing your best not to think about the specifics of that moment. You, alone in his bedroom. This was certainly not how you expected to end up in there for the first time. But that too was beyond the point. Sighing, you picked up the stack of books only to drop them onto the covers with hands shaking. You would recognize the cover everywhere. Your favourite book. The exact copy you had last seen in Oslo when you gave it to Neil. That memory was rather unforgettable…

Hanging out in the hotel room, waiting for Mahir and TP to come back from a small errand, you did your best to ignore Neil’s piercing gaze from across space. That was the day after your careless dancing and that evening’s developments when he asked you out. Just before the mission. And Neil was staring, shamelessly so. It was getting on your nerves.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” putting down the itinerary, you broke the silence and faced him.

The satisfied smile was enough to make you groan. He knew exactly what he was doing, as though waiting for the moment to strike when you were alone.

“Actually not, no” the grin widened as he shrugged nonchalantly “Plus you’re quite the sight. As usual” propping his chin on his hand, he kept on gazing.

The bastard was impossible.

“Jesus…” sighing, you rummaged in the bag at your feet “Do you want a book or something?” you took out a worn-out paperback “Because all that staring makes me want to…” trailing off, you met his inquisitive glare.

Want to kiss him. For starters. But he need not know that.

“What? Tell me” Neil spread his legs casually, leaning back in the armchair. An object of pure poise. And the challenge, aimed at you only. That was Neil at the top of his game, sure of what he wanted and how to get it. But you were not going to give it to him easily.

“Better not” the slight shock in his eyes gave you confidence “If yesterday taught me anything, it’s that your ego is big enough” offering him a sly smirk, you took a sip of the water.

When you looked up again, Neil was staring at you with an exaggerated pained expression on his face.

“I’m wounded” he put the hand over his heart like the drama queen that he was.

Scoffing, you laughed at the spectacle. Two could play the game.

“Good,” the offended whine only increased the satisfaction “So do you want that book?” you picked up the paperback, showing it to him “I’ve got my favourite one with me. Could kill some time”

“Yes, please” he got up and crossed the room, taking the book from you “I’ll have a chance to see what’s in that head of yours” Neil leaned down to your level and kissed you on the forehead “Apart from the desire for me, of course” he added, once he moved out of your reach once again.

Fucking hell.

“Neil”

At least there were some fun memories to come back to, you thought, looking through the copy you borrowed Neil. Then you noticed another thing. Under your book, there was another one of the same title. Brand new. Pages filled with Neil’s scribbles on the margins and underlined passages, highlighting the exact same quotations that made this book become your favourite. My god. The realization hit you with a gasp and a shiver. He read it. And not only that, but he also tried to understand you through something you held so dear. Reading the notes he made, you knew he was listening to every word you said. No matter the moment, the stage of your ‘relationship’, evidently, he cared enough to be interested in your thoughts and feelings. You were holding the proof in your hands. In some margin notes, Neil even referred to you using your initials, pointing out why it could resonate with you so much. The more you read, the more it felt like you have encountered his diary, in some form. That would be it when it comes to getting over. Putting down the books, your head was spinning. Too much.

You needed food. And sleep. It was at that moment that you decided to stay. It got late enough to make the journey back inconvenient. And everything was right here. Feeling like Goldilocks personified, you made use of Neil’s frozen food assortment and put on the music. Once you got over the initial shock of the afternoon, it was almost too easy to pretend that Tallinn never happened. That you were still alright. That he still potentially loved you. With the somewhat soothing sounds of Billy Idol and The Darkness, you went over Neil’s notebooks with equations. You understood nothing but the possibility to read his notes and theories was as comforting as it could get. Then, feeling your eyelids get heavy, you cleaned up and moved to the bedroom. Lying down in Neil’s bed felt like sacrilege. But the moment your head rested on the pillow and you inhaled the scent, it was all excused. At least in your eyes. Giving in to the foolish daydreams, you could almost imagine him next to you. The warmth and comfort the cuddles always provided. But you were alone, still wearing that sweater that smelled too good to be given up. It had to be enough. You fell asleep thinking about those damned blue eyes and the man that took the ownership of your heart for good.

*** Upon waking up in the cold apartment the next morning, you wanted nothing but to leave as soon as possible. In the daylight, with dreams of happiness haunting every corner of your mind, the feeling of loneliness was more persistent. You made sure to get rid of any signs of your intrusion, cleaned the kitchen, and made the bed. The only keepsake you could not deny yourself was the cashmere sweater that you stuffed into the bag. Even if he would not want anything to do with you, you could give it back along with the keys. Surely he would understand… right? After everything that you found in his flat, nothing seemed certain anymore.

You made it back to the HQs with just enough time to shower and pack for the next week of sitting in the inversion chambers in the sealed off part of the complex. That did not sound good as it meant more time with too many people in the cramped quarters. You had enough of that at this point. But then that was the prize of getting the most incredible of jobs. That and getting your heart broken. Again.

You joined the rest of the army by the larger turnstile, used purely for long-term inversion, instead of training. Accepting friendly nods from both Ives and Wheeler, you took your place in the queue. No one knew exactly what the purpose of this was. Just that you were supposed to go back eight days and then travel to the Norwegian coastline, awaiting instructions. The intuition that was rarely wrong told you that you were in the endgame from this point onwards.

And so, the next week was restricted to trying not to lose your sanity locked within the four walls. The only escape from the small room was the kitchen (always full of people that wanted to know too much), bathroom (that always had lines of people waiting by the door), and the small courtyard, where you could not step out without the oxygen tank and a mask. Overall, it was not the most pleasant of experiences. Especially when most days you wanted to curl up in bed and contemplate the mess that your life became. And to marinate in pain that became a constant companion. The sweater could only help so much. Accompanied with nerves and worry, you felt objectively shit and did everything to preserve the solitude. That is how you found yourself in the small kitchen at 2 am, eating toasties and drinking tea. Earlier the compound was too busy, and you preferred starving than facing the others. Only with everyone asleep, you could catch up on the meals missed. Well, almost everyone…

“How are you doing?” a voice interrupted your brooding.

You turned in the seat only to see Wheeler enter the room with a small smile on her face. Her you could tolerate, as an exemption.

“Bad” the candid answer seemed only appropriate “But I don’t mind the company, so please… stay” you added upon her hesitation.

She just nodded and proceeded to make a cup of tea. The silence stretched, but for once, it was rather pleasant. Finally, she finished the task and took the seat opposite you, giving you a quick once-over. You knew what she saw. Tangled hair, reddened eyes from lack of sleep, and hours of tears. The sweater that became the only comfort in those early morning moments when nothing seemed real and yet everything was too much.

“Is the sweater his?” she asked plainly, and you could only nod.

At this stage, surely, nothing was bound to surprise her.

“Yeah… Maybe it’s silly, but I took it from his place just to have something… tangible” you explained, consciously running your fingers over the material. Instead of judgement, you got a smile in return.

“No, I understand” Wheeler took a sip from the mug before asking, “Did the apartment give you any answers?”

You have not shared the story with anyone, unable to process it all even in the quiet of your mind. But maybe this was a chance to let it out…

“Mostly whiplash,” you let out a bitter laugh “It’s like… he cares… or cared,” you stumbled over the tense “But then in Tallinn after the shoot-out, he just closed off completely, and I don’t know why” raising your hands in defeat, you planted on your face on the table.

Anything goes. After a moment of utter frustration, you met Wheeler’s inquisitive eyes again. She did not seem bothered by your antics. Just a little concerned by the picture you were painting.

“Maybe it’s trauma” the seriousness of her expression made you think.

You did consider that option. But even knowing what happened with Alex, his reaction seemed too violent. You were alive, and yet he was trying to push you away. Plus, that way of thinking implied something else. Something you did not dare consider.

“That would mean he… loved me” getting the words out was a challenge “And I don’t think he does” you stared at the table, giving in to the thoughts once again “Whatever is going to happen now, I think I need space. Some distance. Trying to get over this won’t work otherwise”

Formulating the feelings that were overwhelming your heart and mind felt somehow relieving. Even if the prospects were anything but good.

“Is that what you want? To let him go?” the straightforward attitude of your companion was helpful.

“I don’t know,” sighing, you met her gaze, “I want… him, but if he doesn’t feel the same then…” with reddened cheeks, you let the sentence trail off.

She would understand, you were sure of that. And, if the slightly suspicious look in Wheeler’s eyes was anything to go by, she had her ideas about the topic.

“You should probably try talking to him again” she spoke after a few minutes of silence.

“Last time that ended terribly,” you replied, arching your eyebrows, begging her to remember how bad that container conversation went.

“I know,” Wheeler patted your shoulder reassuringly, “But I also know that sometimes Neil needs a proper kick in the ass before he sees what’s right in front of him” she got up and went to the sink, picking up both of your dishes.

With the soothing soundtrack of the washing, you could feel almost sleepy. If it was not for that never-ending chatter of your thoughts.

“If you say so…” you murmured when she turned the tap off.

“Go to sleep. It’s just two days more of this torture” giving you a final smile, Wheeler left the kitchen.

You could survive two days. After that? Who knows. But it had to be alright.

#tenet #neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

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blackhyena · 4 years ago

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gothank you @slutteryingreen for tagging me to uhhh. do this deep dive i guess.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? black ideally but like, whatever’s there in practice? i seem to have got hold of an aqua blue bastard right now and i feel somewhat foolish

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? i love the country but i need to be in a city where everything is convenient and it feels like im part of.... something at least. the idea of being far from amenities is quite frightening to me given how paranoid i can be lmao

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? i know i already play guitar but i would like to be actually genuinely good at it rather than mediocre. i also would like to be better at doing makeup, and i’d really love to be able to make my own clothes alas i can’t even work a sewing machine

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? i do not

5. What was your favourite book as a child? omg megan horrible histories is such a shout. i did love those dragonology/egyptology/pirateology books though i still have them somewhere cause im not throwing away QUALITY like that

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Oh To Be A Gender Non Conforming Vampire

8. Paper or electronic books? paper

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? my assorted flashy blazer collection

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? i mean.... it’s unusual, and i suppose that makes it feel very personal to me. but then also i love my nicknames/alternative names so much, i have genuinely considered changing it, but then i also like the idea of going by several variously

11. Who is a mentor to you? ummm. literally? my supervisor

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? i still daydream about being a musician, that hasnt changed since i was really small haha. though sometimes in my daydreams i am also a screenwriter/director maybe. i don’t know. id hate to be super famous though megan is on the money, gotta be niche

13. Are you a restless sleeper? hmm, i take ages to get to sleep but when im out i am OUT. as in people have to make sure im not dead out.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? in every sense of the word!

15. Which element best represents you? this is probably just from astrology shit but i think air is also quite representative of me!

16. Who do you want to be closer to? oh to be close to someone! in this economy...

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? SEE ABOVE. everyone!!!!!

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory: my two cousins arguing over who got to give me a horse-ride in my nana’s living room, meanwhile i’m crying in the corner begging them not to fight

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? oh take your pick! chicken hearts, ostrich, springbok.... all very delicious would recommend

20. What are you most thankful for? im very loved by my family and friends 🥺 even though i can get insecure and not realise it, it’s something i need to commit to heart more often.

21. Do you like spicy food? yes but my body does not. doesn’t stop me though!

22. Have you ever met someone famous? ive met miles kane! and jason manford. and some randos from coronation street. oh and kate mulgrew. and lee mack, who was getting my train along with catherine tate. there’s probably more ive forgotten.

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? lol NO but i do have a planner because if i didnt my life would have fallen apart completely by now.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? pen.

25. What is your star sign? libra

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? crunchy... but i also don’t eat cereal. ive fully gone off milk (no pun intended)

27. What would you want your legacy to be? that i created something beautiful or though-provoking, or at least funny

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? ahah if i didnt like reading doing what i do then id be FUCKED. i just finished reading the ebb-tide by robert louis stevenson!

29. How do you show someone you love them? i get them something nice... i suck at expressing it because i’m so nervous it won’t go down well. a gift does nicely to get around that.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? i guess?

31. What are you afraid of? failing.... being forgotten.....rejection.... oh and wasps, hugely. bug sounds freak me the fuck out!!!!

32. What is your favourite scent? woody, earthy rain smells. and jasmine/honeysuckle too i suppose

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? i... whatever they go by????

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? my house would be so beautifully hideous and full of beautifully hideous clothes.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools, just cause i can’t be dealing with salt water in my nose where it has no business being

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? i .... GUESS i would turn it in to see if anyone had lost it, but you can bet i’d be fuming

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? no!!! i think i’m too short-sighted to pick most of them out. really mad about that actually why did you ask

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? im not planning to have kids but i did come to a conclusion that, while formerly i would have simply told them to be kind, i would also tell them to be smart. because natural intelligence aside critical thinking is a GIFT and they should rightly question everything rather than taking it as gospel.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? urgh i know exactly what i would get and if covid/money/parental expectations truly were no object i’d be getting little fragments of cathedral architecture from all the cities i’ve lived in tattooed on my wrists.

40. What can you hear now? the garage door creaking open under our flat

41. Where do you feel the safest? at home, with a cat curled up on my bed.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? insecurities yes.... anxieties.... fears.... all that. i should get therapy probably

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? it would not be permanent because i do NOT want to live without modern niceties but i WOULD go back to the eighteenth century/regency.... and just meet some people i’ve been reading about in the flesh, and see if they live up to the hype.

44. What is your most used emoji? red love heart emoji....

45. Describe yourself using one word. odd...

46. What do you regret the most? not sticking up for people being bullied at school. i know it was a self preservation thing at the time and i was a kid and didnt necessarily know better but like.... i wish i hadnt tried to distance myself from it, i could have been a lot more empathetic and made the world a bit kinder for people going through it, you know?

47. Last movie you saw? belle!

48. Last tv show you watched? succession

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. you know when you give your cat a gentle shove and it rolls over dramatically onto its back? that’s tipcat.

i tag @ceolfriths @wutheringdyke @mycravatundone @colubride @renfield @goblinmarquess

#text post

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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AM Conversations : chapter 55

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

(FINAL CHAPTER)

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53 || CHAPTER 54

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified the sequel is posted, message me!

- note for this chapter: i mean, this is it. this is the end. not really because you all know theres a sequel but its still super big to me. ive been writing for 22 years and its the very first time i finish a real story. im super proud of this story and it has over 220k words, which is something i’ve obviously never done before. im also super happy to post this last chapter on the same day Niall’s second album comes out. idk why i just think its cool lmao!

i would appreciate so so soooo so much your comments for this chapter but also what you think will happen in the sequel or what you want to happen in the sequel. also, anything about the characters, the storyline, the ending... honestly, whatever comes to your mind about this story, good or bad, comments or suggestions... please send it to me! thank you!!!

okay so here it is. :D

Chapter 55 : Her FINAL chapter

OLIVIA

I ended up rushing outside and walking as fast as I could. It took me a few seconds to realize it was pouring outside but it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered. I was crying but I was still walking fast, letting the tears fall down my cheeks and the sobs getting out of my mouth without shame. It was only after about 10 minutes of walk that i realized I didn't even take my car but when that realization came to me, I still didn't give a fuck.

I was mad at Niall for hurting me and mad at myself for making him the center of my universe for so long. I was so lost without him. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be... I didn't know how to breathe or how to live. I was so pissed at myself for giving one person so much power over me and I hated it. Niall could live without me, he could breathe, he knew who he was and what he wanted, and he had proved it only a few minutes ago. And that made me realize that I was completely wrong about love. It isn't to make one with the person you love. Your lover shouldn't be your other half. Even if the thought sounded incredibly romantic, when you took the time to think about it, it was ridiculous. I was someone without Niall, I just didn't know who yet.

That simple concept made my heart jump in my chest and I started running. I ran fast, feeling my backpack hit the bottom of my back with every step. I ran as fast as I could until my throat burned, until my legs hurt. The sound of my feet on the cement as it echoed on the walls of the houses around seemed to go in rhythm with the beatings of my heart and when I'd run in a pool of water, I heard it splash on me until the bottom of my sweatpants were soaked. In fact, when I stopped running, I was completely drenched and totally out of breath. I stopped because the person I was looking for was standing only a few meters away from me. He was panting too, I could see his chest raise up and down quickly as he tried to catch his breath and my eyes roamed on him until I noticed locks of his hair stuck on his forehead because of the rain. He was soaked too and I swallowed hard. Seeing him so vulnerable made me realize that's probably how I looked too. I felt my own hair stick to my face and my shirt to my back.

"Olivia."

He had talked a bit louder than usual, trying to make his voice reach me despite the distance and the noise of the rain hitting the paving of the sidewalk where we were both standing.

"I was... I was going to see you." he explained, still panting. "I just... I needed to talk to you. I was sitting on the couch and I just... I rushed out."

My legs had brought me to him while his were also bringing him to me and that thought made me sob. I brought my hand to my mouth to stop it until I saw him start crying too. He was literally weeping in front of me and I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms but I was motionless, like stuck in quicksand.

"Olivia, I got a girl pregnant." he added even louder in-between sobs.

I kept staring at him and swallowed with difficulty again before my lips parted.

"Niall broke up with me."

I don't know how long we stayed just away from each other, standing in the rain but at some point, I felt a shiver run across my back and after half a second, I was in his arms. He held me close, his arms wrapped around my neck and his forehead leaning on the top of my head. He smelled good, he felt great and when he cried again, I squeezed him tighter against me.

The rain kept falling over us but neither of us cared. We just held onto each other while everything was falling apart around us and we were each other's only hope. He brought me inside after a while and let me borrow some clothes, leaving me alone in his room to get changed. I took my clothes off and used the towel he gave me to dry my body. I quickly put his sweatpants and shirt on and started rubbing the towel in my hair as I walked very slowly around his room.

It was modern and classy, just like him, and I always liked the nice and soft carpet he had picked. I let my feet brush on it as I reached the other side of the bed, suddenly curious. There was a bunch of pictures in his room, pictures of his family and friends but there was one small frame that was turned face down on the bedside table. I took it and stared for a few seconds at the smiling faces of Louis and Eleanor, feeling myself tear up again. Two love stories were now ruined and over and I didn't understand what exactly had happened to us.

I sighed and put the frame back exactly where it was before going to the bathroom and hanging the towels behind the door. I came back to the room and smiled slightly as I pushed a pile of dirty clothes on the side and went back to the living room. Louis had made tea and mine was waiting for me on the coffee table. He was sitting down and I noticed he had changed too. His hair, unlike mine, was almost dry already and when he felt my presence, he turned to me and made a quick head movement to incite me to get closer. I breathed in and joined him on the couch, taking the mug with both hands to warm myself a bit before bringing it to my lips.

"Lady grey." I whispered, the left corner of my lips rising a bit.

"With a cloud of milk and no sugar." he added. "Your favorite."

I turned to him and tilted my head.

"Sugar ruins tea." I pointed out as he answered my smile.

"It does, darlin'."

I loved Louis. Everything was so simple with him, even more than with Harry. Perhaps the fact that Louis and I were only friends helped too. I was never only friends with Harry, and I was never only friends with Niall. There were always some romantic or lust feelings involved. I stared at Louis and blinked a few times before taking a few more sips of my tea. The hot beverage warmed my whole body but couldn't get rid of the persistent ache in my heart, unfortunately.

"Do you think it'll always hurt like that?"

"Yes."

It was not the answer I expected and he probably read it in my face because he moved a bit to sit better and face me. I was desperate for human contact and I just wanted to cuddle him but I waited, the fingers of one of my hands playing nervously with the fabric of the couch.

"He's your soulmate just like El is my soulmate." he explained and I could swear I heard his voice crack. "It'll hurt forever."

I swallowed again but felt a tear run down my cheek without wiping it off.

"What are we gonna do, Louis?"

He looked down at his lap and sighed loud. We were both sad and lost and we had no idea what to do with our pain. I moved a bit closer and grabbed his hand on the back of the couch. Immediately, he squeezed my fingers with his.

"I don't know, Liv." he admitted, shaking his head. "And I don't think we'll find out tonight."

I nodded, keeping his hand in mine, as a bunch of thoughts invaded my mind. Would I see Niall again? Would I even be able to be around him without crying or hurting? That didn't seem likely. How would I react when i'd see him with an other girl? Whether I still kept him in my life or not, i'll know about the girls he dates since it'll be all over the net. Niall is discreet, it's true, but he can't hide forever. Plus, we have a few common friends, including Louis.

"Why didn't you fight?" I heard, taking me out of my thoughts. "That's not you Olivia, you always fight for what you want."

I sent him a sad smile and shrugged, running my thumb on top of his hand as I stared at it.

"I saw his face, Louis. It was not a random decision. It was well-thought. It's something he had in mind for a while. I couldn't have done anything about it."

An other moment of silence and I licked my lips.

"Is it Briana?" I wondered in a low tone, looking up only to see him nod slowly. "Is she gonna keep it?"

"Yes."

My heart jumped in my chest. "When did you find out?"

"A week ago."

I raised my eyebrows up in surprise, a bit hurt that he hadn't told me before but I also knew I was the first person he told and that made me feel special. I shouldn't make this about me, it was selfish of me, but it felt good nonetheless to have someone who trusts me, loves me and wants me in his life.

"What are you gonna do?"

Louis sighed again and moved on his seat without letting go of my hand.

"The best I can." he shook his head, still avoiding my eyes. "I'll be the best father in the world."

His answer made me smile and I tilted my head, staring at him. There was something about Louis, something strong and rough. He was a hard-shell with a soft core and it was probably the only thing we didn't really have in common.

"There's no doubt you'll be the best father on the planet."

His lips curled as he kept staring down and I started thinking about Niall again and that time we had talked about having kids. I felt something stir in my stomach and swallowed again to get rid of the nauseous feeling hitting me. I didn't want a family with anyone else and I closed my eyes, trying to mourn the perfect life I've always wanted.

"I wish I had kissed him one last time." I whispered, feeling more tears coming to my eyes. "I missed that chance. I miss how he tastes, how he smells. I miss him."

"You would always hope for 'one last time', Liv. You'd always want an other 'one last kiss'."

He was right but I didn't tell him, instead, I looked down and sniffed before licking my lips.

"I don't even know why he broke up with me. He just said he was not ready to commit, that he knew we'd last forever and he was not ready for that. To me, it makes no fucking sense. When you love someone, you don't care about the other people you could sleep with, you don't care about your freedom because you are free." I tried to explain, getting a bit worked up. "I didn't stop him from doing anything, did I? Was I a crazy, jealous, controlling girlfriend?"

This time, I looked up when I felt Louis move closer. His eyes found mine and he blinked a few times, letting go of my hand to cup my face. I could feel his breath on my face and my lips parted.

"Some people are ready to do anything to prove to themselves that they're not trapped." he let out slowly and in a low tone. "It's on them. Not on you."

My eyes roamed on his face and my heart skipped a beat. I loved that man so much and he deserved so much better than all this pain. I felt his thumbs brush gently on my skin and nodded slowly. Louis always said what he thought when you asked him for an opinion and he always told you things you didn't want to hear but needed to. That, we had in common, that's why this friendship was so real and raw, and also why we got along so well. We were also not touchy or easily offended, which helped.

He moved back a bit and I felt his fingers brush my face as they slid down.

"I know we'd normally get drunk off our asses, but i'm too tired to get pissed. Tomorrow?" His eyebrows raised up and I just nodded. "You can take my bed, it's more comfortable. I'll take the guest room."

"No Louis, it's fine I can-"

"Shut up, princess." he cut me quickly, frowning even more this time. "You take my bed and that's it."

I felt my lips curl and just nodded. He winked at me and smiled before getting up and I followed him slowly to his room. I watched him grab the covers and gripped his elbow quickly.

"Louis, I'm not disgusted by your sheets, you don't have to change them."

He sighed and looked at me for a few seconds before nodding.

"If you're hungry, you take anything in the kitchen, if you need meds or anything, it's in the bathroom. Basically, take anything you need okay? It's all good with me."

I nodded and he pushed the covers before I sat in bed. It took me a minute or two but I finally lied down and brought the blankets on me, feeling tears coming to my eyes again. I didn't want to be alone, it scared me like hell, and if I was about to cry all night, I didn't want to do it by myself.

"Goodnight, Olivia." he just said, turning the light off as he walked out.

Something jumped in my stomach and I sat up quickly.

"Louis!"

He turned around to look at me and our eyes met. I held my breath and licked my lips, unsure if he could see me in the dark but I could clearly see him because of the lights from the hall, illuminating him.

"Please, stay, okay?"

It seemed like I waited an hour just looking at him, waiting for him to reject me but in the end, he nodded and walked away. He turned the lights off and I watched his shadow walk back into the room. My eyes followed him as he got around the bed and under the covers with me. I turned his way and moved closer without touching him and he did the same as we remained silent. I blinked a few times until I got used to the darkness and finally sighed loud.

"Can we spoon?"

"We can spoon."

I turned around, untwisting my shirt and he waited until I stopped wiggling to wrap his arm around me. I closed my eyes and for a few seconds, I imagined I was in Niall's arms, in his bed, but the fantasy was hard to keep. The truth was, it didn't feel the same because Louis was not Niall. No one was Niall.

"I wish I was with El right now. I wish she was the one pregnant with my child." Louis whispered, probably trying to convince himself that the girl he was spooning was the girl he was in love with and not his best friend.

"I wish I was with Niall, right now. I wish he loved me more than his freedom."

"I don't know how to deal with the pain, Livi." he whispered, his voice cracking despite how low it was. "I don't know how to get back up and move forward."

"I wish I could help you but I don't know either."

"I just want to ease the pain." he let out quickly. "At first, getting drunk and high worked but the more I do it, the less it works. I could beg you, Livi, help me."

My heart started aching and I shut my eyes tight as I swallowed.

"I've always dealt with pain the same way, and it's a very very bad way, Louis." I confessed, shaking my head. "It's toxic."

"Tell me."

I rolled on my back and he stared down at me, his hand now laying on my stomach. I wanted to move it away from me but the way his pinky brushed against the skin of my stomach did something to me, something it really shouldn't do.

"I don't know, Louis."

"Does it work?" he asked, and despite how dark it was, I could see hope in his eyes.

"Mmhm." i just answered, now daring to talk.

"For how long?"

My lips parted and I shrugged. "A few hours, it depends."

"I'll take a few painless hours." he insisted. "Please."

Slowly, I reached for his hands under the covers and slid it up on my stomach. I couldn't believe I was doing that and I knew I risked a lot. I risked the only strong friendship I had left. Whether we did anything or not, it could make things awkward between us and that thought was scary as hell. I had lost Niall, I couldn't bare to lose Louis, too. Right before his hand reached my breasts, I pushed it away and shook my head. I was not ready to risk that.

"Forget it, it's a bad idea." I closed my eyes, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.

"Fuck no."

My heart skipped an other beat as it jumped in my chest and I felt his hand move back to my stomach. His fingers brushed on my skin and I felt my eyes flutter. I didn't know why, but I wanted this.

"That's how you deal?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Fuck the pain away?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"You said you slept with nine persons in your life but it wasn't true, right?"

Slowly, his hand traveled my stomach and I just shrugged slightly.

"Only nine that mattered." I explained in a whisper. "The others don't count. It doesn't count if I don't know your name."

"You know my name." he murmured, moving his face a bit closer. "Do you want to make it ten?"

I sent him a smile and chuckled very low. Fuck yes I wanted it, but the fact that he did too was laughable.

"You can close your eyes and pretend i'm someone else." I just let out, licking my lips again. "I won't be mad, I know i'm not your type."

"Who said that?"

I brought my hand to his face and pressed my palm on his stubble.

"I've seen the girls you fancy." I shrugged again. "It doesn't matter, it's just to push the pain away for a while, yea? We'll be best friends again tomorrow, right?"

"And we'll never talk about it again if that's what you want."

I laughed a bit, feeling suddenly nervous, and moved my hand in his hair. I felt my fingers slip in it as I pushed his head my way gently.

"I heard i'm not so bad of a lay so, just leave the lights off and you'll be fine."

This time, he's the one who laughed.

"Are you gonna imagine i'm Niall?" he asked, making me frown.

"No!" I let out a bit too loud. "I want to forget about him for an hour, that would be counterproductive."

"Then why do you think i'd want to imagine someone else?" he asked again. "You think so low of yourself all the fooking time, Olivia."

By then, his hand had reached my breasts and I noticed it was under my shirt. He ran his hand on one and I felt my inner thighs throb so hard I almost whimpered.

"Okay, we can try, and if it doesn't work..."

"It's already working."

My lips parted slightly and my eyes roamed on his face. He moved closer but it's only when his lips pressed on mine that I closed my eyes. Slowly and gently, his lips parted mine and I never thought I needed affection as bad as I did. It had been only a few hours since Niall broke up with me but I felt so lonely and craving this intimacy with someone was not something that should surprise me. Louis was not anyone, anyway, and sharing that with him, although a bit awkward, felt better than I thought, even if I had never really thought about it before that night.

I thought he'd be more the impatient, rough and cheeky kind of guy but his hand traveled so slowly on me it took everything in me not to beg him to go quicker. I felt his fingertips brush against my nipple and my whole body started throbbing. I was desperate to be touched, desperate to be loved, desperate to feel alive.. and Louis was doing just that.

I sucked my stomach in when his hand ran down but spread my legs when he slipped his hand in my sweatpants. My back arched immediately at his touch, his whole hand pressing on my pussy until I felt two of his fingers slip inside me. This time, I held my breath and tensed as his mouth left mine. He brushed his lips down my neck and I slipped my hand in his hair. He smelled good, he tasted good, and I tried to suppress the image of Niall that quickly came to my mind without much success. I started tearing up and swallowed hard but when Louis brought his lips back on mine, I relaxed suddenly.

"I know you like it rough and hard but this is not what we need tonight, is it?" he whispered, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.

I shook my head and brought his closer, crushing his lips against mine. It should have hurt but it made me lust him even more and I let my hand travel to his neck and down his chest until it reached his sweatpants too. I heard him groan low and it made me feel dizzy. I pressed my hand on the front of his pants and felt him grind against it as my lips parted again and I started panting. I was excited and impatient but I didn't know if it was because of what I was about to do with Louis, or if it was because I knew I wouldn't feel pain for a while. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

I felt him move my pants down and helped him, pushing them with my feet at the bottom of the bed. I took my shirt off quickly as he did the same and after I pushed his pants down too, he quickly moved on top of me. I spread my legs and ground up without thinking, feeling his hard cock press on my inner thighs but I held my breath when he started kissing down my neck and chest. He gave a special attention to my tummy and it surprised me a bit but I couldn't seem to relax at all, feeling suddenly insecure. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to do that, that we could just make out and fuck, but his lips pressed on my pussy and I let out a curse word. I thought he'd go fast but he moved his lips and tongue so slowly on me that I felt my eyes roll back. I slid my hand under the blanket and found the back of his head only to press his face more on my pussy. I started seeing spots behind my eyelids and I knew I was getting close. I felt one of my legs start shaking and gripped his hair tight when an orgasm hit me hard.

"Oh my god!"

He didn't stop, he kept moving his tongue on me for a while, even after I relaxed, and I enjoyed the post-orgasm attention. He finally got back out of the covers and kissed me again, his mouth leaving an aftertaste of my orgasm on my own tongue.

"Mm, lay down okay?" I whispered, allowing our mouths to part briefly. "Your turn."

His kisses were getting more passionate and impatient and when he let out a low "No", I frowned.

"No?"

"I can't. Not now." he whispered again, kissing me harder. "You taste fookin' good, you know that?"

That confession made me smile and made my heart jump at the same time. I lost my smile when I felt him push himself slowly inside me and wrapped my arms around his chest as I moved my knees up.

"Oh god, fuck me." I whispered, feeling him smirk against my mouth.

"That's the plan."

I chuckled and he pushed himself completely inside me, making my head move back as I whimpered. I was impatient and I ran my hands on his back as I ground up again to feel him deeper.

"You feel... so fucking good."

He didn't answer, he just kissed me harder his elbows leaning on the mattress on each side of my head , and I brought my hands behind me on the wall to move in motion with him as he started thrusting in and out of me, slowly at first but quicker and harder until I felt close to an other orgasm.

"Oh fuck i'm gonna cum again." I murmured, bringing one of my hands to his hair again.

"Do it princess, cum for me, I want to feel you clench around me."

His words and his voice made me reach my peak immediately and I started shaking beneath him, my lips parted as his reached for my neck. He started biting me, amplifying my orgasm as I felt him reach his. His thrusts became unsteady and rough when he tried to push himself deeper before he just stopped moving. I could feel his body tremble slightly and when he finally relaxed, I kept my eyes closed. I was on the verge of tears and I was not even sure why.

Louis rolled away from me as we both lied down on our backs, watching the ceiling. I was suddenly scared that it had changed something between us, something that meant that we could never go back to that friendship we had.

"It worked. I'm not in pain right now." he admitted as I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again.

"I'm okay too."

He found my hand between us on the mattress and squeezed my fingers tight. I didn't know if this was a good idea but it did serve the purpose and for now, that was going to be enough.

"Why didn't you want me to blow you?"

He chuckled and finally turned his head my way. It took me a few seconds but I did the same and when our eyes met, I realized he was smirking and it made me smile.

"You said it only stopped the pain for about an hour, yea?" he asked, making me nod and frown. "I'm keeping it for round two. If you're willing, of course."

I let my eyes roam on his face again and I smiled more, bringing my hand to his cheek.

"I am."

Surprisingly, we ended up having sex a few times on that night, in-between a few hours of slumber and cuddling, and when I woke up, I turned around in bed to hide my face from the sun only to realize he was not in bed anymore. I kept my eyes close and my heart started aching again but I breathed in deeply and finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was still naked and searched the bed for my clothes before I actually found them on the floor, and quickly put them back on.

I walked to the kitchen with a yawn as I pulled on my hair without much success. Louis turned to me and smiled when our eyes met.

"Nice hair, princess." he chuckled. "That's what your sex hair looks like... Interesting!"

"You're such an arse I swear." I grimaced, amused, as I let myself fall on one of this chairs. "Are you really making breakfast?"

"Bacon, eggs, and toasts." he explained, putting a plate in front of me. "Nothing too fancy."

I let out a laugh when I noticed he made eyes with the eggs and a mouth with the bacon, making him smile more.

"You're an idiot, Tommo." I just said with a chuckle. "But thank you."

"For the breakfast?"

"And for last night."

He stopped moving completely but stared down at his plate and suddenly, I felt extremely guilty. I had ruined things between us just like I was scared I had and I swallowed hard. I couldn't lose Louis, I couldn't handle losing him.

"Shit, you regret it, don't you?"

He looked up and his eyes met mine before he frowned and shook his head a bit.

"Olivia, we had sex five fucking times. You don't regret five fucks that happened on the same night." he pointed out, making me breathe out the air I wasn't even aware I was holding. "I just thought we wouldn't talk about it anymore, I thought that's what you wanted."

It took me a few seconds to answer and I just licked my lips.

"It happened. I don't regret it. And I sure as hell won't forget it." I explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I'm just scared it'll change things between us."

"It won't. You're my best friend. That won't change."

I sent him a small smile and nodded, feeling a bit relieved. I knew I would be sure that nothing had changed between us only after a few days of hanging out like we used to but I trusted Louis and I knew he'd tell me if he thought things were different now.

"What are you gonna do now?"

We had both heard and asked this question a lot in the past 12 hours but I just sighed again, shaking my head.

"I'm just gonna... survive for a while I guess." I explained, taking a sip of my coffee. "And then i'll just... i'll work on myself. There are so many parts of me I noticed when I was with Niall, so many things I felt, so many flaws I have... that I need to work on. I think that's what i'll do. Work on meself."

When I looked up at my best friend, he was smiling. Not smirking the way he usually does, but sincerely smiling and it made me smile too.

"I know I always call you 'princess' but... you just turned into a 'queen' now."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Why? Because of what we did last night?"

"No, silly!" he chuckled and rolled his eyes too. "But what you just said? That's wise. It's actually inspiring me."

"Then let's both do that." I suggested. "We need to take care of ourselves, do things we like, work on us and... and find out who we really are. Who we are without them, as a whole... as complete human beings."

He tilted his head and his eyes became smaller as he studied me.

"Let's do that, queen." he agreed with a nod, making me grin even more. "Love you."

"Love you too."

#niall horan #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #amc #some tags i cant add without spoiling this lol #oh god im so excited to post this ndjhsgajhsdgukadshxf

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we-are-only-halfway-home93 · 4 years ago

Text

Come and Lay the Roses 22- Before I Lose Faith- [Ivar x OC]

Summary: Ivar has a conversation with Ives. Aaline expresses her displeasure.

Characters: Ivar x OC, Bjorn x Torvi, Ubbe x Margrethe, Hvitserk x Thora, Sigurd x OC, Lagertha, Ragnar

Warnings: arranged marriage, violence, sex, torture, language, mentions of rape/sexual assault

Ch. 21

Word Count: 2324

AN: Wow. To say a lot has happened since I last posted is a gross understatement. I hope everyone is staying safe out there and I hope my story can bring you a little bit of joy during these difficult days. Stay safe, everyone. Thanks for reading.

“No one ever fell in love gracefully.”

~Connie Brockway

Ivar looked up when a knock sounded on his office door. His secretary, Idunn, poked her head in. “Mr. Lothbrok, Ives Jensen is here.” Ivar’s smile was downright sharklike and he pushed back from his desk.

“Thank you, Idunn. Please hold all of my calls until I return. I should be back in an hour, 90 minutes at most.” She nodded at him, standing back as he passed her. Ives was sitting next to Idunn’s desk, his leg bouncing. Ivar could see the sweat beading his brow and his eyes shifted from side to side. Good. Ivar wanted him on edge.

“Ives! How wonderful to see you! Thank you for agreeing to meet me for lunch on such short notice.” Ivar extended his hand to his father-in-law and gripped tight, reveling in the wince that crossed Ives’ face. He swept his free hand out in front of him and let Ives lead them to the elevator.

Once inside, Ivar pressed the button to take them down to the lobby. A town car was waiting for them at the front entrance. Ivar waved Ives forward and the man hesitated for only a second before he got into the car. As soon as Ivar was inside, the car began to move.

Ivar wasn’t taking him far. He didn’t even really plan on Ives staying long. His motive was simple.

“Did you enjoy the party?” Ivar adjusts his shirt sleeves, tugging them down past his blazer. He looked up. Ives was still sweating, his hands clasped tight in his lap. He kept glancing from Ivar to the window and back. Ivar smiled, baring his teeth.

“Ives,” The man looked at Ivar, his eyes staring somewhere between his forehead and his chin. “Did you enjoy the party last weekend?” Ivar asked again.

Ives cleared his throat and wiped his palms down the tops of his thighs. “It was very...eventful.” Ives said, avoiding Ivar’s gaze. Ivar hummed and looked out the window, watching the cityscape pass by.

“I saw you had to be escorted out.” He turned his icy gaze towards Ives. The man had gone pale, the circles around his eyes standing stark against his face. He shifted against the leather beneath him, his sweaty palms squeaking against the seat.

“Was that what you meant by...eventful?” Ivar said. He kept his tone light on purpose. He wanted to keep Ives on edge. He wanted the man to sweat.

This man had caused harm to his wife, a woman he had recently admitted he loved.

Ivar was a possessive man. Things, people that he cared about were important to him. If they were hurt or damaged in any capacity, Ivar saw fit to take action. He’d broken bones, bought properties, demolished houses, even killed for lesser crimes than what Ives had done to Aaline. He felt it was his husbandly duty to remind Ives of what he was capable of.

“My wife hasn’t divulged to me the details of your conversation last weekend but I do know this.” Ivar readjusted in his seat, leaning forward. He lowered his voice and stared at Ives with an impenetrable gaze.

“I know that she has sworn never to speak to you again. I know that is a difficult promise to keep but she’s done a reasonable job at accomplishing that goal.” Ivar took a deep breath and sighed, twisting the band on his left hand around his fingers.

“I know that my wife refused to have you walk her down the aisle. I know that she wouldn’t dance with you at our wedding. I know that you have been invited to social gatherings as a courtesy, strictly because you are on the board of Jensen Construction. If I made up the guest list, you would forever be removed from attending such functions.

“My wife has told me what you’ve done.” He looked up at the trembling man before him. Ives had tears in his eyes. Excellent.

“The pain and suffering you have caused her. Now, the only reason you are not dead is because of the deal you made with my father. Our marriage in exchange for your life and your company. A reasonable trade, in Ragnar’s eyes. But not in mine.”

Ivar studied Ives for several seconds. The man was vibrating against the seat, his body ready to hurl itself out of the moving vehicle at a moment's notice. Ivar suspected the only thing keeping him contained was the very real threat in Ivar’s eyes. The man would stay seated until Ivar had expressed himself.

“If it were up to me, you would die slowly and painfully so that you may know just an ounce of the pain my wife has felt because of you. Your body would never be found and no one, absolutely no one, would miss you.”

Ivar sat back and cleared his throat, rubbing his hand over his mouth, collecting himself. Ives was crying now, tears streaming down his face freely. Ivar rolled his eyes and pressed a button on the console next to him. The car came to stop. He looked at Ives.

“My driver has been instructed to take you home. And you will be returned home.” Ivar could see the man relax just enough to no longer appear pale. He couldn’t have that.

“But know this, Ives Jensen.” The man looked up and met Ivar’s eyes with an astounding amount of courage. “If you ever speak to my wife again, if you even think about speaking to her, looking at her, visiting her, I will find you, I will hurt you, and I will kill you.”

Ives looked like he was going to vomit so Ivar jerked his head once and the man leaped from the car and onto the sidewalk. As soon as the door was closed, Ivar felt the car move beneath him and he pressed the button to roll down the partition. “Cafe Italia, please. I’m craving something red.”

She had been at lunch, enjoying a nice outing with Torvi and Lagertha when her phone started to ring. It was her father so she sent him to voicemail. On her way back into the office, she listened to it and was surprised to find a long, detailed message about how Ivar had threatened his life if he so much as looked at her again.

She wasn’t sure how to feel, at first. Astonishment at her father’s bravery, for one. Not many people were threatened by Ivar and then blatantly disregarded his threats. It was a surprising amount of bravery from Ives.

Then she felt a steady heat that began to simmer in her belly. It started in her stomach and steadily moved down between her legs. She felt her face and chest flush and ringing began in her ears. It wasn’t until she felt a dampness between her legs that she realized she was aroused.

Ivar had defended her. He had threatened her own father with bodily harm if he tried to see her. For a man to go to such lengths, he had to possess some kind of feelings for her. She had to take a steadying breath to control her heartbeat.

Rage was the next thing she felt. How dare he! Did he think she was incapable of taking care of herself? He watched her train. Even trained her himself. He saw her physically subdue Ives at the party last weekend and he had the nerve to threaten her father? After everything he knew?

She hardly remembered asking her driver to turn around and head to Ivar’s office. She didn’t even remember getting there. The next thing she knew, she was stalking up to Idunn’s desk. Idunn stood up at her sudden approach. “Is he in there?” She spat. She didn’t wait for Idunn to reply before she shoved the doors open. “Did you threaten my father?” She pointed an accusing finger at him, ignoring the stunned faces of the two men seated in front of him.

Ivar was in the middle of a business meeting when his wife slammed through his office and started shouting at him. Her long hair flowed behind her like a cape and her eyes were ablaze with anger. Her face was flushed in her ire and he could see the snarl forming on her lips.

She had never looked more beautiful than she did right at that moment. He could feel his own anger rising to the surface and he stood carefully from his chair. “Gentlemen, I apologize for the interruption. If you wouldn’t mind stepping outside for a moment.” Ivar ushered the two men around his seething wife and locked the door behind them. He turned back towards Aaline, his mouth drawn down in a thin line and glared at her.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? I’m conducting an important business meeting with high-value clients and you just storm in here demanding things. Who do you think you are?” He stalked towards her and invaded her space. They were nose to nose and Ivar could feel the anger seeping out of her. If she were a cartoon character there’d be steam coming out of her ears.

She narrowed her eyes at him and huffed. “I’m your wife, Ivar. Did you, or did you not, threaten my father with bodily harm if he tried to contact me again?” Ivar glared down at her just as fiercely. He sneered and moved around her body, leaning against the edge of his desk before he answered her.

“I did. As you stated, you’re my wife, anything that displeases you displeases me. I didn’t like the way he touched you the other day and I felt that he needed to know it. Besides, you’re not on speaking terms with him anyway so I don’t see how it matters what I did or didn’t say to him.”

Aaline marched towards him. “He’s still my father, Ivar. It doesn’t matter if I’m speaking to him or not. I’m the only one who gets to threaten him.” Ivar snorted and rolled his eyes, folding his arms across his chest. Aaline eyed the way his biceps stretched the fabric of his jacket. “I mean it, Ivar. Don’t speak to him again.”

Ivar straightened and stared her down, the fire in her eyes igniting something deep in his gut. He felt the blood rush from his head down to his groin and he nearly moaned at the heat reflected in her eyes.

“I don’t remember asking you who I can and can’t speak to. I can threaten him as many times as I want. I could even kill him if I wanted to.” Her hand snapped out faster than he could catch it. His head swung sharply to the side and he could feel the sting up through his temple.

He jerked back around to stare at her and opened his mouth to retort when she was on him. Her lips smashed against his and he tasted blood. Whether it was his or hers, he wasn’t sure, but the taste lit something inside him and he moaned.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself fully against him, aligning her body with his. She could feel him hard against her and she whimpered. Ivar knotted one hand in her hair, gathering it in his fist and pulled. She gasped and arched back over his arm. He moaned against her lips, driving his tongue against hers and memorizing her taste. She dragged her leg up the outside of his and rested her knee on the edge of his desk.

Ivar groaned and released her hair, bunching her skirt up in his fingers and exposing her core. She pushed against him, knocking him back against his desk. There was a clatter as something spilled out over the desktop.

Ivar licked deeper into her mouth, exploring her. He felt drunk, his movements were stilted and slow like he was moving through molasses. Her skirt was pushed up to her waist and he trailed his fingers up the inside of her thigh. He groaned when he felt the heat of her. She was already soaked through her panties.

Aaline shivered as Ivar traced his fingers up her leg, dancing over the sensitive flesh. She gasped when his fingers met her core. She rocked forward, pushing his fingers harder against her and Ivar moaned. She threaded her fingers through his thick hair and felt him shiver. She smiled against his lips and felt his answering grin.

She brought her hands down to his shoulders and pulled on the labels of his jacket. Ivar dipped his fingers past the line of her panties and groaned at the wetness he felt. He stroked his fingers over the slick dripping from her. She clung tightly to his shoulders, whining low against his lips.

She jerked away from him at once and rubbed the back of her hand against her lips. Ivar glared at her, infuriated, when he heard a knock on his door. He rolled his eyes.

He stalked forward and yanked it open, the hinges squealing dangerously. Idunn jumped when he snarled at her. “What?” She pointed shakily towards the two men standing behind her.

“They said they have another meeting at 3:30 and it’s 2:30 now. They said there’s still a lot to discuss and they’d like to be on their way.” Ivar turned when he felt Aaline press gentle hands to his back. He shifted and watched her squeeze around him and the door.

She turned back to him and stood on her toes, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before disappearing back the way she’d come. He stared after her before turning his eyes back to his clients. He huffed and pushed the door open, letting them pass.

He’d never been so sexually frustrated in his life.

@dreamlesswonder @youbloodymadgenius @inforapound @bcarolinablr @khiraeth @funmadnessandbadassvikings @jay-bel @feyrearcheron44 @londongal2810 @didiintheblog @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123

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justrednow · 4 years ago

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American Idiot (movie)

LaNow I love the musical and I love both albums featured. I’m hoping that’s the plot of the movie that I believe is being produced. But also like, I’d be down for some bat shit crazy stuff a la Pink Floyd: The Wall. But you know what’d I’d be really down for.

No one asked for this. I’m aware.

American Idiot: So, we open on good ol’ perfect Jingletown and meet the perfect town and all its hidden horror. We get to see a good amount of repetitive time pass. Seeing the struggles of the working class of America. Theres a focus on the younger generation being strung along in their parents problems.

As the song comes ot an end, or vamps under Idk, we meet our boy Johnny. Who in my opinion should be far more like the average vague age youth. He doesn’t know who he is and we meet his ex-underground rock band dad who is kinda an asshole. but he loves his wife, and probably loves his sons. We also meet Johnny’s brother who is just back from rehab. The pair make up everything Johnny doesn’t want to be.

Jesus of Suburbia I-III: Johnny meets up with his friends at the 7/11 and lament about life while drinking stolen beer. Johnny talks about how much he wants to run away and find his true origins in the nitty gritty of a big city and wants to know true pain. Will complains about being a part of a military family and his parents divorice, and how none of them will ever fight for their country. Tunny reveals that he brought his family bible to burn, but is reluctant to do so. He too is struggling to know who he is, but says nothing. The group is chased out of the back lot by the manager of the 7/11.

Jesus of Suburbia IV-V: Back in Will’s empty house Heather is waiting, revealing how she’s been trying to get Will’s attention. She is once again ignored when Johnny tells the group how he scored tickets to a concert in the “big city”. This is his plan to run away and never look back, he encourages the others to come with him. Heather gives Will a positive pregnancy test, in an attempt to break up with him. instead he elects to stay home, in protest of his own broken home.

Tunny and Johnny refuse to change their plan, unable to understand how Will can have a light at the end of the tunnel. They argue as the two get on the bus to leave. Johnny tells Tunny he forgot to tell his mom that he was leaving.

Holiday: In the big city the pair burst into their new life. They come alive at the concert and bond with a group of anti-war protesters. Whatsername catches the eye of Johnny, but he chickens out of talking with her. They join the protesters march on a government building after the concert, watching as one of the protesters leads with a speech on the steps. He is everything Johnny wants to be. After the police arrive and the peaceful protest is broken up the pair are invited back to the home, an abandon building, of a group of protesters.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams: Johnny tells the group his and Tunny’s story, capturing the attention of Whatsername who appears to have a similar story. Johnny gains confidence as he finds that these are his people. The Big City is somehow everything Johnny thought it would be, dark and gritty. Whatsername introduces herself to Johnny but he misses her name. Sparks are flying folks.

Tunny begins to feel left out of the party, realizing this is not what he wanted.

Favorite Son: Tunny turns on the old TV in the place. He finds an old VHS playing of an 80s propaganda cartoon. He falls victim to the glamorous lifestyle of Favorite Son. He is drawn to the effortless power in the military life style, loving the danger and reward. He falls in love with the idea of being a hero for his people. Johnny joins him when everyone else has gone away.

Are We The Waiting: Tunny explains to Johnny his dreams of a better world. He thinks about Will, who is still at home trying to enjoy his future fatherhood. Heather, who is still trying to gather the courage to leave Will as she wants what’s best for her child but isn’t in love with him. Johnny, who is stuck in his new dream.

Tunny, the next morning, enlists in the Army and finds that he will be shipped out within the week.

St. Jimmy: Johnny, angry at Tunny, meets a new best friend who has come to visit the squatter city. St. Jimmy is the hard core punk god Johnny has been waiting for. He is a drug dealer with everything. Johnny shoots up for the first time with another group. St. jimmy openly welcomes him to his new lifestyle of getting everything you want. Almost everyone loves him, they worship him.

Little Girl: St. Jimmy tries to target Whatsername, as she tries to convice Johnny not to fall into the hands of drugs.

Give Me Novacaine: Back in Jingletown Will tries to cope with Heathers decision to leave him and to keep their soon to be born child. In Johnny’s home his mother cries as she learns that he has run away. His father seems to be happy about it and tries to convince her it was just his time to fly the coop. Seeing this isn’t helping, he vows to find their son.

Tunny is finally getting a piece of the action, he gets a huge piece in his thigh and is carried off of the field.

Johnny has been recieving letters from his friends and burns them, quickly stopped by Whatsername who shows him another way of life.

She’s a Rebel/ Last of The American Girls: Whatsername tells Johnny her true story and how she plots to lead a riot against discrimination against the poor. She brings him to homeless shelters where she volunteers and to protest concerts. Johnny eagerly writes to his friends about his new love. Will gets a good laugh over it. St. Jimmy, who is more or less real, has begun to feel ignored and starts spilling lies about Whatsername that Johnny dismisses.

Last Night On Earth: Johnny has never been in love until now. His father finds the ticket packages and gets on the next bus. Whatsername promises Johnny their relationship is more than just lust. Heather has her baby and Will chases her down to the hospital, begging to be allowed to see her. Heather reveals that she broke up with him because of his unhealthy habits to her nurse, Johnny’s mother. Heather promises she will never let anyone hurt her child and from outside the door Will promises the same.

Johnny writes his first letter back home.

To Much To Soon: Finally back home, Will finally confronts Heather on her judgment of the past he left behind for her. Heather challenges how Will copes with stress and how it will effect their child's life. Heather decides if he is going to keep chasing her, she’s running away for good. She takes the baby with her.

Before Lobotomy I/ Extrodinary Girl: Tunny is left alone during his recovery, finally receiving the letters his friends have sent him. The other injured soldiers in infirmary cry for their families left behind and why they join the fight to begin with. Tunny gets a new perspective on the war. He meets his nurse, the first person to provide him any comfort during this time and tends to his wounds. He quickly falls in love with her and has dreams about being Favorite Son saving the distressed princess from the evil bad guys. She tries to pull him out of the fantasy as it becomes more dangerous and the two bond over war trauma. They share a heat of the moment kiss

Before Lobotomy II: Tunny is sent home due to having his leg amputated. He takes his nurse with him, as they have fallen in love. He wishes his war buddies luck, and says farewell to the ones dying.

When It’s Time: Johnny writes a letter to Whatsername about his feelings for her and how he doesn’t know what he’d do without her. She showed him what pain can look like. For once he isn’t lost.

St. Jimmy rips up the letter and burns it when Johnny’s back is turned.

Know Your Enemy: St. Jimmy tries to coax Johnny into doing harsher drugs, the only thing stopping Johnny from following him is Whatsername. So Jimmy convinces Johnny that she’s been manipulating him into believeing her stories and that he needs the drugs to cope with his own pain. Whatsername tries to get Johnny’s attention and is confronted with Johnny minimizing her pain in exchange for his own.

21 Guns: Whatsername finally takes the needles and pills from Johnny and shares her full story of being abused and being a victim of the streets. She begs him to listen to her and know that he doesn’t have to keep fighting. Johnny tries to listen to her but St. Jimmy lingers.

Will finally gives into Heathers wishes and steals beer from a store. While drinking he realizes this is what she was talking about. He pours it all out. He finds out Tunny is home and commits to helping him.

Johnny’s father searches the city, he can’t stop thinking how pointless this is.

Johnny tries too convince Whatsername he feels her pain, which is why he needs St. Jimmy. Frustrated she shows him how ridiculous he is, he left a caring family and friend behind to seek out pain.

Letterbomb: Finally done with Johnny’s shit, though she might still love him, Whatsername shows Johnny what fire looks like. She cries for the real heroes that fought for real change, not try hards just looking for a new outlet of self pity. She reveals that St. Jimmy was never real. She lets Johnny know that he isn’t the Jesus of Suburbia. If it isn’t obvious, Whatsername is the jesus of suburbia. Johnny helplessly watches as the love of his life leaves. Whatsername destroys all the pills before hopping the next bus out of the city.

When September Ends: Johnny’s father finds Johnny crying on the steps of a church. Father reveals how proud of Johnny he is. He tells Johnny about how angry he was when he was and how he just needed to find himself, which is what he assumes Johnny is doing.

Tunny finds out many of his war buddies haven’t made it back home and never will. He cries to his nurse who promises nothing bad will happen to them.

Will thinks over how he let everyone he had slip away from him.

Johnnys mother calls her husband only to find out that Johnny will not be coming home just yet. Father heads back to Jingletown.

Johnny thinks over how much he hated being anything like his father and now realizes that is truly who he wanted to be. he is shocked to think that his father ever loved him and wishes he would have shown it better.

Homecoming I: Johnny packs his bag and prepares to go back home as he is the only one left. Its been a while since he and his fathers talk. He is unsure of where to go next. St. Jimmy has been in and out of his life anytime he thinks about everything that he’s learned. St. Jimmy tries one final time to convince Johnny to stay in the city. There is nothing in Jingle Town for him. Johnny appears to try and commit suicide but instead the bullet kills St. Jimmy in a rather comic way. Johnny truly has nothing left now.

Homecoming II: Johnny reveals what the world could have for him, working a desk job with a boring wife. He hates what he sees and tries to convince himself that there is more to life than this image.

Homecoming III: Tunny is living a dull life at home, trying to get a job but struggling due to his amputation. He wishes to be released as the nurse has got a new job and works to support them.

Will is still crying to himself and finally decides he’s had enough

Homecoming IV: Heather is back in town to visit her parents with her new fiance and the baby. She meets up with Will, flaunting how rad her new man is. Will fails to see how he failed in comparison. Heather gives the baby to Will, loving her new life more. She wanted what was best for her baby and she could never provide that.

Homecoming V: At the 7/11 Johnny hops off the bus and finds that his friends are waiting for him. He drops his bags and runs into their arms. They share the stories of their adventures and how they never realized what they had here in Jingletown was what the needed, real cliche. Johnny reunites with his family and forgives his father. Tunny gets a job with his girlfriend in the hospital as a receptionist and a speaker. He has found his purpose. Johnny helps Will set up his house for the baby, admitting that he misses the people in the city.

Whatsername: Johnny works as a music teacher in the school fifteen years down the line. While in a school recital he thinks he sees Whatsername in the crowd, but it’s someone else. When he gets back to his new house he pulls out his old guitar case and looks through all the memorabilia of his big adventure all those years ago. The thing he misses the most is Whatsername, the girl who he couldn’t even remember her name.

anyways no one asked for that and I’m sorry but that was fun and I will probably do it again with a musical few people like.

#American Idiot #movie #musical #broadway #green day

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slightlysuicidal1440 · 4 years ago

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Dear diray-

I love how much i have grown this past year, ill be 21 next month, and i get to spend it with the person im spending the rest of my life with, im home from a new job, in a new place, in a new mindset. One day ill have kids, and they will be running around, one day ill have my dream job, and my dream home. I already have my dream guy so im one step there. Ive been trying to be really positive and looking forward to my future and continue making plans, to grow our family, and travel, and so much more. We have so much left to do in which feels like so little time. Sometimes i look at him and wonder how we even ended up here. Going from so long ago to where we are now. Having a home together and a life, paying bills, working late, and movie nights on the couch. Some people were upset in my choice, but thats okay, because im happy. I began to relize one day that if im not living for myself, then who am i living for? I chose me. I came to a turning point where i decided i only wanted to do what made me happy, and do what I actually wanted to do. Which led me to a whole new chapter that i didnt even know was possible. It was one of the hardest journeys to get here and its not nearly over yet. Im thankful everyday for whatever or whoever, for leading me on this path in my life, for whatever gave me the strength and guidance to finally stop caring of others opinions and just going with what i felt was right. Something came over me and helped me stand up to the people in my life who didn’t deserve to be there, even if it hurt, and to move away from my hometown, to invest in a new relationship and life with someone i already love anyways. Im thankful for my loving, understanding, and hardworking husband. If it weren’t for him, i wouldnt be doing any of this. Hes helped me in ways i didnt know i needed help in, and ive done the same. Its a good feeling to come home to him. To make his lunch with little i love you notes, to sleep next to him at night and get pulled closer. To be able to love someone so innocently. Doing things not because you have to but because you want to. Just to see them smile. Sure there are days with slammed doors and tears, of all kinds of course, but its all worth it because its such a small part of it all. Late night showers, and chores around the house. All in all, its as simple as going through life with your best friend, someone to vent to, cry with, laugh with. Being with someone who loves you even when you are angry, or upset, loving that person, my person, even if you dont want to in a moment.... i feel like everything ive ever wanted, everything ive been working so hard for is finally here, i got through the rain and now here is my sun. And let me tell you, reader, stranger, it feels so good on my skin. im getting off track but i think ive made my point. To be simply in love and figuring everything out together, well thats the greatest adventure ive ever started. And i cant wait to see whats next. And if you havent found it yet, dont worry, people always do, love always finds a way.

-slightlysuicidal, and a little bit less now.

June 12th 2020

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its-3am-sadness · 4 years ago

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getting lost up in the past— this is what I found

Friday February 1st, 2013:

ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..

can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..

Monday February 4th, 2013:

holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.

I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..

Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..

im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..

on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..

my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:

I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3

Wednesday February 6th, 2013:

today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):

Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3

Friday February 8th, 2013:

well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..

Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??

im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.