#but the longer hair is also making me feel a little dysphoric

[quasieli]

I'm a lil :/ rn. I reached out to a medical center that specializes in trans care to maybe speak to a therapist/counselor about my thoughts and feelings re: medical transition. They just got back to me and it is stupidly expensive, and they straight up said it cannot be reimbursed by my insurance :( I'm sure there's a lot more options out there that I can look into but just annoyed rn.

[notsafeforvought]

You and Transmasc!Hughie's First Time [Imagine/Oneshot]

“When he first starts speaking, you’d be surprised, and then you’d be relieved and tell him through giggles that you were in the same boat as him.”

RATING: 18+ MDNI

SUMMARY: Hughie’s been very nervous for your guys’ first time sleeping together. You find out why. Turns out, you and him have more in common than you thought.

EXTRA INFO: GN!Reader, Trans!Reader, Hughie is AFAB & transmasc AUTHOR’S NOTE: hi i been feeling a  little dysphoric lately . so i  hit hughie with the  vagina beam to help me not want to die ☺️ . this is entirely self indulgent  but if  someone out there also wanted this  then…….. this is  for yoouuu…… nodding my head WORD COUNT : 587

Hughie wouldn’t be able to hide it for much longer. He’d sit at the edge of the bed, nervously bouncing his leg as he waits for you. In his mind, he’d be going over what he would tell you, fully prepared to be hit with rejection.

What he wouldn’t know is that you were in the bathroom silently freaking out over the same thing. You really liked Hughie, what if this was a dealbreaker for him?

You’d walk out, letting out a deep breath as you face him. But before you can say anything, he stands up and tells you himself.

When he first starts speaking, you’d be surprised, and then you’d be relieved and tell him through giggles that you were in the same boat as him. The tension in the air would ease and the two of you would fall onto your bed, you on top of him as he held onto you.

And now he lets out soft breaths into your mouth as you kiss him, shooting sparks up your spine. Your hands fumble with his belt, desperate to get it out of the loops. His hands assist yours and he shuffles his way out of his jeans, bunching up at his ankles. Your hand goes to the waistband of the boxers covering him up. You can’t rush it now, practically teasing the both of you by keeping them on.

But you can’t resist for too long before your fingers are rubbing gently over his swollen clit, feeling the slickness practically dripping from his entrance. He shudders and grasps onto you like you’re his lifeline as your hand flawlessly works him open for you.

You only start with your index and middle finger, gently coaxing his cunt into relaxing around you. The way you can feel him flexing around your digits drives you fucking crazy. You whisper little praises to him, smiling down at the way his face twists in pure bliss.

You readjust your hand, your middle and ring fingers now fucking him open even further, but it’s clear that he would be getting more stimulation if you were touching his clit. You move your body down, your mouth and hands working together to make him practically cry from the pleasure. You wouldn’t mind doing this for the rest of your life until your jaw fell off. 

Hughie’s legs shake as you continue sucking and finger-fucking his cunt, and it’s not long until he’s desperately gasping out his little warnings about coming already. You have a one track mind as you push through the soreness in your wrist and jaw, desperately needing to feel him come around you. If your mouth wasn’t so occupied, you would be telling him how good he is and how pretty he sounded, even if he was trying to be quiet. 

A strangled cry sounds from his throat as he writhes under you, his muscles tighten and relax irregularly for a few moments, his hands resting on your head, grasping onto your hair. It took all his self restraint to not tug at your hair, wanting to be gentle and not hurt you. But it wasn’t easy.

You gently pull your hand away, watching the string of cum between your fingers as you separate them. Looking him in the eyes, you can tell he’s a little embarrassed at the wet and pathetic mess he had become. You don’t care, though. This was only the beginning of what was sure to be a wetter and even more pathetic night.

[a-passing-storm]

1, 4,5, 9, 13

OOO! Another ask! Thank you! :D I shall assume this one is also for the trans ask game. I probably won't answer 5 again since I answered it here.

1 - What is your gender? What words do you use to define your gender?

If only I knew! Here are all the gender labels I've ever used: trans, transmasc, masc, nonbinary, demiguy/demiboy, genderfluid, genderflux, guyflux/boyflux, androgynous, bigender, multigender, agender, and I think that's it but I'm very likely forgetting some.

Nowadays, I try to stick with more general labels. My gender is fluid, but in that weird ADHD way where as soon as it switches, I have a bad habit of being like "OH WOW CLEARLY I WAS A GUY THE WHOLE TIME AND I WAS NEVER [OTHER GENDER]!" or "WOW CLEARLY I WAS AGENDER AND IN DENIAL THIS WHOLE TIME!" It's very silly. And I used to try to dress to what masculine looked like to other people as opposed to what actually made me comfortable. To avoid all of that, I try to just think of myself as trans or nonbinary and focus on what specific things are giving me gender euphoria than what overall looks I want (eg. not "I'm gonna dress masc today" but "I'm gonna wear a button down and dress-pants today").

4 - What future transition aspects do you hope to do?

I have no clue, honestly. Kind of going from the previous question, my gender changes on me enough that what's gender-affirming one day might be dysphoria-inducing the next. I honestly might never do hormones or get any surgeries, but top surgery is something that would make me more comfortable on my masc days and wouldn't have an effect on my more feminine days. It's not something that would make a huge difference either way, though, so I likely won't get top surgery.

I kind of wish I could temporarily change my voice, actually. I wouldn't want to fully commit to it, though. And I wish I could temporarily grow facial hair without also inducing the other hormone-based changes.

9 - What is your favourite item of gender affirming clothing?

I don't know if I have one. My most memorable bit of clothing, though, would probably be this really beat-up sweater that I've had for a little longer than I've been trans. It was my first ever bit of Guy Clothing, and I wore it nearly every day for a little over a year.

13 - What is one thing that gives you gender dysphoria?

To be honest, I don't get too dysphoric anymore. There are some small things that I don't like, but I wouldn't necessarily it's dysphoria. I wish high-waisted men's clothing was more common, because most men's clothing seems like it's supposed to fall low-to-mid waist, and I just don't like the look of that, so I tend to wear women's pants anyway.

Oh actually! Just remembered my biggest dysphoria trigger! My hair. When it's cut in a gender-affirming way, I feel like the most Gender person ever, and it's awesome, but when it starts to grow out and stick to my head (I have very flat hair), it kind of looks like I have it back in a low ponytail, and it just has... the worst vibes. I used to always wear my hair in a low ponytail when I identified as female, and seeing it look like that in the mirror always makes me feel awful. :(

[midnight-fox-boy]

For a while, it felt like I was unable to see the changes that have happened, I focused on one small thing I've wanted so badly but is taking so long to happen, and became more and more depressed..more and more dysphoric. It felt like I was being screwed over, like something is wrong with me that makes testosterone just "not work properly" for me.

I started to wonder if I should even keep trying, you know? But then something happened. My partner pointed a change I didn't notice yet and all of a sudden I started noticing so much more than I had before. I started to actually /see myself/ in the mirror.

"hey babe I noticed your hips aren't as wide and that your butt is smaller".

I froze. I was like "?? Really??" I looked in the mirror and sure enough, my figure has less of a "curve" (I'm already skinny but I did have some curvature to me). I was shocked. I didn't notice. I felt so happy. That's when I started to pay more attention. (They also noticed I'm getting booty hair lmao)

My face is narrowing out again, My stomach hair is spreading out and going up. What started as a happy trail is spreading in every direction. My leg hair is getting longer and thicker, and starting to travel down my feet. My bottom growth has started again. Things I feel like I should have noticed. But I didn't, and I think it's because I was scared.

I was so consumed with the fear that testosterone wouldn't help me very much again. After all, I was constantly battling to have my testosterone while I was on it for four years and saw very little changes except in my voice, gaining a happy trail, my face narrowing some, and bottom growth. I saw and still see so many trans guys experience changes so much faster. Growing facial hair 6 months in, and some even "passing" by the one year mark. I was so unhappy that after four years my first go-around, that I looked almost identical to how I did at 16 years old.

I suffered through insurance not wanting to do their job, I suffered through trying to figure out why IM injections were making my pelvic lymph nodes swell, I then had to try and force myself to crawl out of my depression to shower and apply gel every day, and it was so hard. I suffered through months and months of chronic pelvic pain and ovarian cyst ruptures that landed me in the ER. I suffered through horrible migraines Multiple times a month that I strongly believe was correlated to the type of birth control I was on and probably inconsistent testosterone levels. And I gave up. I was tired of the pain, of nothing happening anymore, of being miserable in my own skin but also the thing that was supposed to help me was just making me suffer more.

And now, things are actually happening and I don't know what changed. Was it the method in which we decided on? Is subQ really making a difference? Is it the change of doctor? Is it being older? I know I have to face the risk of migraines and potential pain every day... But things are actually changing now that weren't before.

And I want to cry. Both from happiness and frustration...I wonder how things would have been if we did subQ sooner, if I had a different doctor helping me, or whatever. Would I "pass" more now? Would I stop looking like I just started testosterone a few months ago?

I've fought so hard to be seen as me. I've fought so hard to advocate for myself. I've battled dysphoria, tried to ignore it, tried to reassure myself. But...all I can do now is wait and try to maintain clarity, to stop focusing on one thing that I want and watch my entire body in front of me and pay attention to it. My chest is losing mass/thicker tissue and is so much easier to bind than before.

I fought my own brain through pregnancy as I watched my stomach grow, my face round out again, my hips widen and my chest grow...I watched them grow bigger than they had ever been before and I was so unhappy with that. So scared that they wouldn't "go back". But they did, they kind of deflated actually so they're not.."thick"?

I started taking better care of myself, too (and things to help my own self confidence). I keep my face clean, I found this scrub for stretch marks to try out because "why not" and the stretch marks on my breasts are actually shrinking, my thighs that are covered in stretch marks are seeing tiny improvements. I have a whole routine with self care. I brush my teeth more, I actually floss now.

And I'm realizing more about my neurodiversity, how the choices I've made and how my neurodiversity has caused me to act irrationally. I realized my neurodiversity is the reason why I cannot handle big emotions well and why I will cry, panic, or go into crisis mode when something scares me...and that's a reason I've given people the impression of being manipulative.. they thought that my emotional reactions to emotional pain and fear were manipulation tactics or something else entirely. And no matter how hard I tried to explain myself, it came out as just such messy emotional word vomit instead of just me waiting to collect myself.. I'm using the new knowledge and realizations to better myself. To try and regulate myself better. I know I can't completely "fix" it, but I can and will continue to improve. One step at a time.

I hope I can just keep climbing up my personal mountain instead of stumbling and falling..I know I'll still stumble and fall, but I want to keep going and not let it "pause" me. Anymore.

[winterrose42]

It is one am and i suddenly and impulsively want a very specific haircut that i know exactly how to do but i just impulsively recut my hair a couple weeks ago and for the one i want i need longer hair :(

[feedtheriver]

it's 4 in the morning and i'm dysphoric for the first time in a really long time

[raindrvq]

mischa headcanon time !!

except its all just me projecting random things onto him wooooo

ik i already said he was lactose intolerant but also wanna mention that (like most lactose intolerant ppl) he just does not care. can and will eat a shit ton of dairy and someone will be like 'hey isn't that gonna mess up your stomach?' n hes just like 'lol yea'

weird abt eye contact so sometimes he wont be looking at you during a conversation but sometimes hes just, intensely stare at you, for like no reason. if u ask abt it he'll just shrug but it can be very frightening when you dont notice and all of a sudden you turn and see him just like 😶

will also creepy stare at you if he wants to stop doing something without having to actually say that

for example he hates when people make mouth noises (like loud chewing) so he will just stare at you until you get creeped out n stop

he is trans (real not fake) !!!!!

gets dysphoric over like, small insignificant things but will try n correct it in order to fele more masc

like the way he stands (started putting his hands in his pockets and yes doing the dick grab), how he writes (purposefully writes fast so its more scribbly n messy), how he takes off his shirt (pulling it up from the back of his neck) and other random things that do not rly matter

also type of guy to try out multiple diy binding methods bc theres no way his adoptive parents r buying him one (they probably dont even know hes trans tbh) and he definitely wont ask so instead he resorts to other (probably unsafe) methods

hates when his hair gets even a little too long bc not only does it make him dysphoric but he also hates the feeling of hair in his face or down his neck n shoulders

if he goes too long without a haircut he will just end up putting it up but he learns how to rock the ponytail (without feeling dysphoric too 👍)

also he is ace,,,, bc im ace and i want him to be i have no explanation for this one idc if it doesn't make sense he's ace in my heart

constantly has his earbuds in, likes to be constantly be blasting music and has a hard time working without it (he needs the constant stimulation)

loves to chew on things as a form of stimming

straws ? bottle caps ? pens ? destroyed

loves to eat ice as well (this one is more encouraged bc he wont be accidentally consuming plastic this way)

if he cannot find anything to chew on sometimes he just ends up biting his lips n the inside of his cheeks and he has sharp teeth so his mouth is just kinda messed up

secretly rly likes legos

he will spend hours just building bc he will get fixated on it now he has to finish it

also he is a batman fan but he is NOT a comic dudebro joker stan ok

he loves collecting things he deems sentimental

like a ticket stub from when the choir went to see a movie together ? keeping it. a random pretty rock someone found and gave to him ? keeping it

keeps all of them in a little box in his room

ok this was longer than i intended so im stopping it here for now ! ill will probably post some about the whole choir i just had a lot of mischa ones bc projection 🫶

[friendly-neighborhood-arsonist]

So there's qn excellent visual aid somewhere but I can't find it :(.

But basically pronouns =/= gender. Some trans people choose to continue using their original pronouns because it'd easier for others and doesn't make them dysphoric.

Gender refers to how you "feel", gender expression (how you dress, your hair, etc), pronouns, terms (Mr., lady, etc) are all separate.

I know trans guys who use she/her or she/he pronouns. I'm non binary. I'm not a girl. I'm not a demigirl. I'm not a girl at all. However in some circles I use she/her pronouns because it's easier for people and doesn't make me dysphoric.

For some people pronouns are connected to their gender identity and for some they're not.

You can have 2 trans people and for one pronouns can make them feel dysphoric or gender euphoria. And for the other pronouns might make them feel little to nothing.

You can be a trans guy and dress "feminine" and use she/her pronouns and feminine terms and still be a trans guy.

You can also mix and match you might like masculine terms like man, fireman, guy, etc but still prefer she/her pronouns. (Just note it'll take most people longer to get used to as most people heavily associate pronouns with gender)

Hope this helps!

Hey, so tumblr is dying rn, but I'm still gonna try to post.

Little lost, so coming to the gender website to get advice.

It's hard to explain this and I have trouble with words... so please excuse it being long and rambly

So... um.. well I get a little lost on gender shit sometimes. I'm AFAB, I don't THINK I want to be a guy, and yet... aaa I'm not super comfortable with my body. I've done packing with socks before and even worn a binder to feel more comfortable. I don't mind masculine terms like sir and stuff, yet i don't think I'd want to use he/him or they/them pronouns. Haven't actually... tried that though since I am full of anxiety and can't talk about it with friends. I prefer to dress in more masculine clothes too and keep my hair short. I even wish I had a lower voice that sounds more like a dudes. I do identify as lesbian, but that has nothing to do with this stuff, as when I was younger I wanted to be a guy, I wanted to have a guys body if that makes sense? Again sorry bad with wording. Now it's just... I don't know. More confusing. I don't feel like I'm a man, but I don't know what I am.

But I'm just... lost. I don't know what I want to be. Everytime I think about this (pretty often) I just feel so confused and a bit stressed because I can't figure anything out.

Literally made this acc just to talk about this and seek advice. Idk if anyone will even see this lol

[eddieslov3]

First longer fic with Eddie Munson x Transmasc!reader . I just hope you will like it! In this one Eddie knows you're transmasc and is also madly in love with you, but you're oblivious. So a little sad but with a happy ending ;)! I just hope this is not stupid..

Trigger warnings: Transphobia, Homophobia, mentions of sexual actions, unprotected sex, oral, p in v, , drugs and alcohol (kinda), violence, dysphoria, unsafe binding. How to build a blunt with me (aka someone who never smoked weed). He likes to be called Master. Switch!Eddie and Switch!reader.

Its mostly fluff and sex but with a bit of plot...

Love, Love, Eddie Munson.

You're just staring at the words on your sheet of paper, your teacher gave you, your mind wandering. Today you woke up feeling super dysphoric and because you also had trouble breathing, you decided that binding wasn't the best idea. Yet you packed the bandages in your backpack. "Y/N are you okay you look so pale" a very familiar and to you comforting voice asks.

The Munson boy is looking at you from the row infront of you. Because usually you did talk to your best friend in Class. Today wasn't one of the days you were all bubbly and talkative. He frowned when you still didn't respond. "Hey.. Y/N." He even fully turned around his chair by now. With a low hum he just stands up. "Hey Mr.B. Y/N isn't feeling well, I'll get him home" he exclaims leaving both you and the teacher confused when he grabs your backpack, he didn't have to get his, because he never brought one like ever. And just drags you along out of the classroom.

Finally you realized what just happened and giggled while he just runs outside with you. Leaving school behind and jumping into his Van. "Come on baby, get in, lets go to my place" he said waving you over grinning. "Oh Eds you're such a mess, thanks for getting me out.. I.. I wasn't feeling well" you admit while getting in the car.

He snorts. "Yeah I know you little idiot", he says it lovingly and ruffles your h/c hair carefully. "I'm sorry that you have to go through that baby" he called you baby. He always does, it makes you feel special since he only ever called you baby. Even when the others are around.

Grabbing the steering wheel and turning the key, he does the little tounge thing and you can't not look at it. You stare at his hands in the process. No no no we can't be thinking about this...

You just think its adorable when he does. "You're doing it again Eds" you say putting your seatbelt on and then putting his seatbelt on for him too. "Doing what?" he asks starting the van and putting on music.

"the tounge thing! Put it away, no one wants to see your tounge!" you laugh and click in his seatbelt. He liked to be careless so you have been sticking with fastening his seatbelt because you don't want him to die. You lean back into your seat and look at him, raising an eyebrow. "So why did you kidnap me out of school again?" you ask him to get back onto the topic.

"You know how I care about you and can, clearly as your best friend, see when you're not feeling well. Especially when I know why~ so that's why we're gonna go to my place and just.. chill and smoke, okay?" he says his eyes focused on the road, but that somehow doesn't help since he isn't the best driver.

That is the last thing you're worried about. Became you're definitely used to his driving skills by now. "Smoking and just not thinking seems great", you respond clicking your tounge when he grins. "Oh please like you ever think at all" he teases trying to cheer you up, which is sadly not working at all. And he hates ut with a burning passion when youre upset. Hell.. he will do Anything just to make you feel better. To hear your beautiful laugh.

Slowly he pulls up to his Camper and parks the van a few feet away from it. As you buckeled him in, he also wants you to unbuckle him. "Baby can you unbuckle me?" he asks, voice soft and his gaze locked on yours. As soon as you hear him ask, you turn around and do it for him, your heads slightly bumping into each other. "Oh sorry Eds, I didn't mean to" you giggle and he just smiles. "Thats my boy" he says and unbuckles you before getting out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

You follow and gently close the vans door. He already has your backpack s you don't have to worry about that one. "Baby come on you're slow today" he calls out as he opens the campers door, smiling brightly as he sees that is uncle is not there.

Patiently he waits for you to walk in first. "What a gentleman you are, Eds" you say while kicking off your shoes and jacket. Even tho the camper wasn't the most beautiful or best decorated, you loved it there. The small bundles of trash from takeout or just old cans of beer and coke or the huge jar full with bottlecaps. Everything made you feel at home and safe. It may sound weird. It maybe could be that whenever you were with Eddie you could just be yourself and not face weird comments from classmates or even your own Family.

"Wanna drink something?" he asks you while you mindlessly walk to his room. "Can I maybe have a coke?" you then ask. He nods and grabs two cans and then hushes you into his room. Not really thinking about it you just crash into his bed, not long after he joins you. "So now can you finally really tell me whats wrong?" he knows, but on the other hand he also knows that it helps you when you can rant about it.

"nothing..." He already rises an eyebrow. "Ok ok fine, i couldn't bind this morning my lungs hurt from.. from binding too long and possibly wrong but how would I know" you ramble as he sets down the cans of coke on his nightstand. You run a hand through your hair. "So I didn't bind.. my mom called me her.. beautiful girl... And dad agreed." Your voice pitches a little when you say 'beautiful girl' just undermining how much you HATE when she calls you that. Because you did tell her you were trans.. she simply didn't care.

You quietly sniffle, tears streaming down your cheeks. Eddie lays down next to you, he's on his side, head propped against his hand. His other hand finding its way to you face wiping the tears carefully.

"she just doesn't care and it hurts Eddie.. its hurts so so much" you turn so that you can snuggle into his chest, not long after his arms wrap around you comfortingly. "Shh its okay.. she doesn't understand.. amd maybe she never will. But I understand and will never.. ever. You hear me baby. Never allow people to hurt you, even if it's your parents. No especially if your parents hurt you." he mumbles. "Really?" you ask sniffling.

He the looks at you, looking slightly hurt, you can tell that he is being dramatic. He lets go of you and swiftly brings his fist um to his heart collapsing onto the bed. You begin to laugh. "Oh no Y/N. You hurt my little black heart" he exaggerates and looks at you. You start laughing. "That's my beautiful boy.. no my beautiful manly man. You're manlier than me even, like have you seen me? I wear skinny jeans, babe" he said. Playing with his hair before sitting up again.

He grabs his weed and starts rolling a blunts always you look at him in awe. "You're Lite so good at this.." you look so awestruck everytime I do this" he mumbles doing the tounge thing again. "That's because I can't do it and try to copy your technique..." You say, telling the half truth. The other half being that you are literally crazy about his hands. He acts like he doesn't notice, but he always does. You're not particularly good at hiding shit from him. "You wanna try and roll one again?" he suggests. "We can do it together step by step.. come here" he pulls you closer and then goes to grab his grinder.

"that one I know, that's your Iron Maiden grinder, give that to me I can work that thing" you proudly say. He holds out his weed to you and you an smell him. He smells like cedarwood mixed with something that reminds you of how the sea smells with a tint of weed. But not the kind that smells awful. No. He just smells so fucking good. You just wanna lean into him and forget the world. Instead you grab the weed. "How many buds do we want?" you ask and he hands you two. "Just got a new delivery so as much as we like, which is two.. as of now. Wouldn't want you going home high as fuck" grinning he puts them in the grinder for you to crush them.

"That's right pretty boy" he says while breaking a cigarette for you, so that you can add tobacco to the blunt. You reach for his drawer. "Your filters were in your drawer right?" "Uh yeah the papes are there too" he says but he already has two filters between his lips. "Eds, can I have the one between your lips so we don't waste filters?" you ask, since he has two filters lodged between his lips. Grinning you reach out and take one, that's when he winks at you. "Thanks" you reach for the papes and give him one. "Now carefully look what I'm doing. I first take tobacco and put it in." You carefully watch and repeat the steps. "Now" he takes the grinder and empties it onto a small tray. "Some weed, make sure to spread it all over the tobacco" since he is concentrated his tounge is sticking out again, so does yours now tho. Doing as he says you smile, you knew these parts, what was hard for you was the blunt rolling. "Now the filter and then we roll" he states looking over. You're really focused on not fucking up. "Yes just like that. You're doing great" he smiles.

"now look how I roll it" he lifts your chin from your work and makes you look at his. With a few and quick movements, and him licking the pape, while you bite your lip, the blunt is done. "Voila" he grins. "Okay I can do that" you say, mostly to yourself. And then try, and to your surprise it works. You lick the pape and he looks you dead in the eye. "What?" you ask and roll the blunt. Not perfect but it works. "You're just adorable Sweetheart"

He grabs the blunt from your hands and sticks it between his lips. "Lets try, shall we?" Quickly he lights it and takes a hit, handing the blunt over to you. As always you take a hit just like him and lean down on the bed. His eyes scan you and you hold out the lit blunt. "Mh take it from me" you mumble and of course he does. After a few seconds of holding the smoke you puff it out in little circles. Eddie taught you one day and since then you like to show him every now and then.

Grinning widely he looks down at you and keeps smoking. "Good boy~" he purrs while softly blowing his smoke in your direction. "Thanks Master" you jokingly say and he just shoots you a weird look. "Mhh I like the sound of that" he mumbles but you're too distracted with sitting back up. "Mh what?" You ask and he just takes another hit, putting the thing aside and begins tickling you. "Eddie Stop!" you exclaim trying to push him away, beginning to laugh. "I will not, you little mischievous Idiot" he laughs lovingly while keeping to tickle you. This goes on for a solid ten minutes, but you actually don't mind. He is distracting you and you couldn't be happier.

He then gives up eventually, but you are still laughing and he can't help but look at you lovingly. "You're so pretty.." he mumbles and reaches out to cup your face.

A little confused you blink up at him. Without properly thinking, you answer. "No you are." He looks at you. Eyes to lips and back. You bite your lower lip slightly nodding. You don't need words, you just understand eachother. Slowly he leans in for a soft, pure and passionate kiss, slowly deepening it when he uses his thumb to open up your mouth a bit more, deepening the kiss. Slowly he pushes you down onto the bed, careful not to hurt you. "Eds.. I-"

"No, just.. let me know if you're okay with this.." he almost stumbles over his words but they still come out right and soft. Nodding you allow him to go further. "But.. just so you know.. I mean you know already- the point is. I have a vagina.. and you know." you reply while he just nods. "I know and that is okay." he continues, now slowly undressing you. If it is the weed that made you brave or him treating you like royalty, you just feel awesome.

Hesitantly you reach out for his shirt, carefully removing it from his body, tossing it somewhere next to the bed. Running your hands over his chest smiling and blushing at the same time. He chuckles. "You're adorable, you know that right?" he asks, while also tossing your shirt away, since you were already feeling bad in the morning, you had only thrown on a sportsbra, which he was quick to remove aswell. "Wow.. Y/N you're..."

Somehow this made you nervous so you covered up instinctively, he starts shaking his head slowly. "No need to Sweetheart, you're more than beautiful.. Handsome. The most handsome" he starts to leave small trail of kisses down your neck, then up again to your ear. Carefully he pulls you closer his hands toying with the hem of your underwear, you prefer to wear boxershorts, makes you feel manly.

Softly you take them off while looking at Eddie in the process. He just looks at you in awe, putting a strand of hair infront of his mouth. Clrearly blushing and pulling you close into a loving and pure kiss.

You can twll that he means it. Slowly he pulls you closer, kissing you slowly while you put your arms around his neck. You can feel his erection against your pussy, making you whine. "Oh fuck baby" Eddie hums into the kiss, rocking his hips slightly. Resulting in you moaning. "Eddie, please.." you say, voice breathy and shaking.

He continues and you start to rock against him. Grinning he looks at you. "Oh baby, you're so desperate for your master, arent you?" he asks, voice hoarse. His hands find their way to your ass and he holds you still while starting to massage it. Pressing your lips together yoy fight the urge to let out a lod moan. Instead you whimper and nust nod. "Use your words, Sweetheart~" teasingly he squishes your butt and then hooks his fingers into the waistband of your underwear.

"may I?" he polietly asks, and waits for your approval before continuing. You nod and look at him, lust in your eyes. With a slight chuckle he pulls on your underwear, with cooperating to take it off, the underwear flies across the room. "Fucking hell you're already so wet for me?" his tone shifted, his voice an octave lower while he lays you down on the bed to admire you. "Jesus H Christ.. you are even hotter than I could have imagined" he blurts out standing up to free his erection making you gulp. You bite your lip and immediately crawl up to him.

Licking your lips and looking up at him now it's his turn to whine. "Don't look at me like that, Baby" he warns you, but patiently waits for you to to do something. Finally close enough you adjust yourself. "I wanna give you a blowjob.. Please.. Master." you say giving him the best puppy eyes. "Mhhh fuck okay" he gives in pretty easily. "You're so fucking hot.." he mumbles while you take his cock in your hands and start licking the tip slowly. Trying to muffle his whines he bites his lip, lacing his fingers into your hair, grabbing it lightly. The power he now has over you makes you even wetter, you're basically dripping for him.

He throws his head back, his eyes rolling back with lust. He gently pushes you towards his lengh, just for you to lick all over and then take him fully in your mouth. "Fuck Sweetheart you're perfect" he moans through grittet teeth looking back down at you. While deepthroating his cock you innocently look up at him which makes him grunt, rutting his hips against you. You let him slip out of your mouth, licking your lips.

Now a little more confident, you stand up pushing him down onto his bed, crawling over him. "Now let me fuck you" you say running your hands over his chest, up to his throat scratching him a bit. He moans your name along with a few profanities. "Oh please do fuck me... You're literally so hot" he points out grabbing your butt and massaging it while pulling you into a heated kiss. You automatically deepen the kiss and just lay on top of him. His erection pressed to your lower belly, you grin into the kiss and start moving against it

"JesusH Christ, Y/N Sweetheart, you're being a tease" he grunts but still continues kissing you. "I know Babyboy" you tease him even more, your hand slipping between the two of you, running a hand over your wet pussy whining while doing, before using it to tease him even more, he can't thake hiss eyes off of you.

You coat his cock with your wetness as he moans your name again. "Fuck Baby" you say, slowly jerking him off teasing yourself with his tip. He starts to get impatient and grabs your hips slowly pushing himself into you. Both of your moans mix and you dind it extremely hot when he just carelessly moans, especially when he sits up, as he is doing, leans back a bit on one hand using the other hand to hold you in place, fucking you just right. "Fuck Right there keep going" you whimper and start moving against him.

Both of you moaning eachothers names and nicknames, when you call him Master again he starts moving a little faster, you lace your Hands around his neck, holding yourself steady. Which leads to him leaning forward to use his free hand to rub your clitoris. "I'm cumming" you moan at the pleasent feeling of him now hitting the right spot. "Me too Babyboy" he whines. Working to your highs together always gets you. As you feel his warmth fill you, your body reacts by climaxing aswell, juices mixing, him being out of breath, his locks sticking to his face from the sweat that build up.

For a moment the two of you continue moving, causing you to quickly climax again. "Fuck that was hot, not gonna lie" he admits grinning while slowly pulling out of you, carefully. He then gets up to grab a towel, slowly and as careful as possible to clean you up. "God I'm so in love with you Eds" you finally admit while he is cleaning up your pussy. With a slight chuckle he looks at you. "Good because I also am deeply in love with you, Y/N"

I so hope this didn't suck, I hope this made some people happy ;) and just hope you also like it. And just saying my inbox 📥 is open for ANYONE who needs help or just someone to vent or just if you wanna send me cute pictures of your pets! Have a Lovely day and just know you can also suggest things for me to write! I'm also open to write for different fandoms and ofc different stranger things characters!

[transmascrage]

I saw a lot of 'sad' stories about hairdressers so I wanted to share a happy one actually. I had for a moment a very feminine apparence cause I let my hair grow and had a purple dye, which with my round face and the fact that I shaved automatically meant that I was called Mrs.

When I called to make an appointment, I specifically asked for a hairdresser who did men's haircuts because I wanted to go back to the haircut I had before I let my hair grow out, which was just the very basic short men's haircut with undercut on both sides.

When I arrived, a little anxious because of my non-passing and having a bad day of dysphoria, I was greeted by the sweetest hairdresser I have ever had. He totally avoided gendering me in any way for the first 5 minutes of chatting (which in French, a stupidly gendered language, is a prowess) only to automatically switch to masculine after hearing how I referred to myself.

I didn't have a reference photo so he used one of his colleagues nearby as a reference example : Shorter or longer than him ? We have different solutions possible there. Using the trimmer is faster but I can also give you a very good result with just the scissors, it's as you prefer !

The best thing is when it came to paying. Normally, even when I ask for a men's cut, because of my face and sometimes being asked for my ID to verify age for discounts, the women's rate is automatically applied. There, no. Male rate with student discount and on top of that he gave me a small bottle of the shampoo he had used for me, very clearly taken from their male collection.

I walked out with a big smile and feeling better about myself in an hour than I had in the entire week before.

This, to me, is all the more proof we as transmascs need to confront more with cis men, because unfortunately there are some things cis women just don't get, or even make them dysphoric.

And while trans people are aware our discomfort doesn't mean we can be dicks to others, cis people never get told this.

And then cis women end up labeling them as "mutilation" or "ruining your voice/looks".

I actually wonder if transfems and trans women have an easier time with female hairdressers and harder with male hairdressers.

And I feel you on the language thing! I'm Italian and I studied Spanish in middle school and French + German in high school, so I know a thing or two about gendered languages (especially German. Fuck you German.)

[endobiologist]

How is hormone therapy going? I've considered it myself but I'm nervous about it. Can you tell me a little about what its like? :)

Ah, thank you so much for asking!! I appreciate it!!

Well, the experience is really quite vastly different for every person on HRT.

For me, it was one of the best choices I have ever made in my life. I was hopelessly and horribly dysphoric for my whole life to the point of nearly not being able to function (dysphoria coupled with severe mental illnesses is for sure A Bad Time) and I was lucky enough to be able to get on it fairly early, thank God because I probably would not have lasted longer-apologies for that dark subject but it is necessary to mention for how much it turned my life around entirely.

I am still not fully transitioned to my liking per sé, as the full range of Testosterone's complete effects is a maximum of 5 years according to my research. I have been on it for nearly 2 years now. I plan to be on it for the rest of my life if possible, as I'd like all effects to stay forever-- I fucking ADORE every second of it, honestly I'm not afraid of needles either like most are so I literally get ecstatic & excited every time it's time to inject LOL!! Probably a weird reaction but--it legit makes me wanna throw a party every time those 2 weeks pass & it is time to.

(Not all forms of HRT have to be injected however, though it is the "strongest, most evenly distributed form" especially if done every 2 weeks instead of every 1 week,

as my doctor described it, which made me choose it--and coupled w my lack of giving a shit about injecting lmaoo)

I have had a lot of effects, I am also finally growing actual facial hair which is nice-though I learned I prefer my face clean-shaven or at least mostly, which is a hilarious twist tbh as I thought I'd want a full beard. I'm cool with both but I definitely prefer how I look without, so I shave every now & then currently.

My body looks entirely different, at least my shoulders and arms HELLA, I've had strong asf cis men say I'm built better than them which gives me giggle-fits of pridefulness LMAO--im petty ig--

but anyway to get to the true point--I would not be where I am today or perhaps here at all, myself, if I didn't go on it and exactly when I did. I am so extremely grateful for it occurring and that I have access to it at all--I am honestly hardly feeling dysphoria except on Really Bad days when it still hits me. Even things I should be dysphoric about and was in the past, idgaf about now. My chest barely bothers me now, and used to be my personal Hell. I have even decided to not do top surgery in the future which is... really bizarre as I was DESPERATE for it before (however this most-dysphoria-removal effect seems to be rare, so don't expect it to "cure" dysphoria, it didn't for me either but I'd say reduced it by like 90% or something lol. But most don't have that strong of a reaction)

My advice for you and every trans person on the fence about it, would be do a CRAP TON of research, on its every effect, type, etc. and talk to or read about/etc. as many people you can find who can give their opinions on their own experiences-as everyone has a different story!

If it is a "HELL YES" after that, then definitely go through with it. If there is still doubt, I'd wait. There is no rush as you can always decide to begin in the future

Know though, that if you do start it, but wish to stop later,

in some ways there's a "reset button",

but in some ways there is not.

Some effects will reverse if you stop taking T, like the fat & muscle redistribution, etc.

however some will stay, for example any body or facial hair that develops will then grow forever as the follicle is "activated" (male hair is a different subtype of hair, so once it's made it can't be reversed) and etc.

Be aware of which effects do this, and just in general, get as much information you can gather.

This info-gathering also has the added bonus, of impressing TF out of your endocrinologist if you do happen to choose to go the route of beginning taking it--

During the consultation, they'll ask if you know about it well, and for me, I began on a spiel of the things I knew & how much I researched because I was so excited to begin and how much it would help me.

By my Dr's reaction she was blown away by my very informed decision, that I had thought about it VERY hard, & I think that is what assisted me greatly in acquiring the prescription for it so fast.

Basically, if they either know or just think you are going into this without much context or don't seek it passionately, they think you may change your mind and that you're "going through a phase" or that you can't consent due to not enough information that you know on it for such a majour medical decision.

If you come in confident asf that this is what you need, and you're like "Yeah I know this, I got this shit locked down" they know they're dealing with someone who is very damn sure this is the path they need, and thus the doctor doesn't have to worry nor explain more, which speeds everything up.

Overall, I will end this by saying I wish you the utmost good luck, and that whatever path you choose, you feel happy and gender-euphoric!! Thank you for asking my advice & I hope I helped in any way!! 👍👍💜🏳️‍⚧️

(ALSO I SEE UR USERNAME MMMMMNN YES, SOMEONE WITH QUALITY TASTE IN CHARACTERS--LMAOOO SRRY IM A SHAMELESS WILLIAM FANATIC, I GOTTA MENTION THAT

UR USERNAME MADE ME LEGIT SMILE-- HAHDJGNGJGJGJG)

[hypoallergenicpunx]

i know this is probably an unpopular opinion but i get bi/pan (ftm) trans vibes from Vi.

hear me out.

the way Vi looks at Caitlyn is absolutely gay as all fuck.

but honestly so is the way they wink at Jayce (think about it).

i've seen peeps saying Vi is strictly a lesbian but i get the vibe they'd be bi/pan or even use them interchangeably (i think undercity would probably think pan is a dumb term because they've already established the understanding that bi is gnc af, pan is a topside thing that younger undercity generation will use too for safety reasons but also if they feel the term suits them better. i also feel older folk topside would think of it as pretty taboo to be bi so like peeps like Elora are also kind of bitter about pan because she feels like bi is being swept under the rug but will tolerate (begrudgingly) those who identify with it though she will absolutely criticize it openly.

so that whole dynamic considered, i feel like gender wasn't a huge deal for Vi until their chest started developing and maybe they identified as male while in prison or found out they got some sense of gender euphoria from binding to keep themself from being hyper-sexualized or sexually assaulted. overall i really think they would identify as a demiboy, not really feeling like they would need surgery but if the opportunity presented itself would go for at least partial reduction. i feel like Caitlyn would gladly pay for it or somehow make it seem like the opportunity came to Vi organically by some stroke of luck (idt Vi takes well to charity) - mostly because when she found out they bind (usually for much longer periods of time than they're supposed to) she's so worried about them hurting themself and insists. if Vi found out she was behind it would get upset that it wasn't fair for the other undercity trans folks & thus the concept of a clinic funded by Caitlyn topside with the proceeds going to the same clinic but un the undercity to help those without the money to transition (if they wish). that said i feel like maybe Vi would have taken testosterone for a period of time but in small doses, not to grow facial hair or anything but so their voice would drop some and then after that decided it wasn't necessary to continue.

i feel like Vi wouldn't necessarily have bottom dysphoria but would find the suggestion of them being able to get pregnant kind of cripplingly dysphoric and would have gone back alley to get their tubes tied. that said kids are on the table, just Caitlyn would either have to be the "mother"/pregnant one or they would adopt. (tbh i see Vi and Caitlyn as a longterm thing even if they eventually split or got divorced,

as an extension of that i feel like they would prefer being called 'Mod'/'Maddy'/'Per' (idk why but Mod sounds really natural to me) and say if Jayce and Vi or whatever became an item he would ask about if it bothers them not to be called dad and they'd be like no because that's not me and he'd have respect for that.

aside from that idt Vi would have a problem with pronouns, going by pm any but secretly getting a little boost of gender euphoria when masc or neutral was assumed. does get a bit dysphoric if called fem pronouns too much because most do assume they are a girl and will also stir up scared feelings from being in prison and stuff that would end up with them drinking to forget/beating the shit out of something and then either or having a good cry that takes the load off and makes it all better.

i think Vi would still very much like being referred to as a lesbian despite the way they identify and while i personally don't understand it i do respect it (tbh feeling like Vi would do that is really something weird for me as a concept because i solely identify as male and have been called a lesbian and found that terribly dysphoric but from the experiences i've observed of other people i think this would be true in their case.

if Vi got like super bad dysphoria for some reason that manifested as anger Jayce would absolutely take it from a strap and tell them how big and hot it is actually calling them sir to really drive the point home - if really sad would praise Vi as his 'baby boy' or his 'prince', calling their clit a tdick or a cock to reassure their own doubts of their masculinity/androgyny.

honestly the more i write about it the more affirmed i am that it's very true to character, i really thought about it and i think it would make a lot of sense without necessarily denouncing them as a lesbian icon or straight up denying that it's within the realm of possibility? idk. i just, it's been eating away at me since i first started watching arcane & i know the only way i'm gonna be able to pick back up on it is if i voice my thoughts.

i hope this doesn't offend anyone (even though it probably will).

[0ffbeatqueer]

Currently Having A Little Trans Crisis

So I'm growing my hair out because I began feeling more comfortable with looking stereotypically feminine and also I want an undercut lol (also I wanted the character I'm playing in the fall show to have longer hair)

BUT

I'm feeling a little iffy about it because whenever I feel like I'm being perceived as a girl, I basically remove myself from myself - like I don't feel like I'm actually existing in a way which is weird and not at all a vibe And I'm scared that people will use it to invalidate my identity (I know my parents are hopeful that my random feminine expression- painting my nails, trying on dresses, growing out my hair, doing make up, etc- are signs of me not being trans / they think it's proof that I'm not) and I'm feeling dysphoric but also I still want to grow out my hair

Idk

I'm just feeling kind of alone and freaked out because the whole kind of gender disassociating thing has been happening more and I know that I'm a demidude but sometimes I feel like I'm just not there or things get in my head and I start doubting myself and agh just like also I'm scared of not passing because that makes the feeling like I don't exist within myself thing worse

It's a lot.

[bowie-boy]

yo do you have any trans!dean destiel headcannons? i need the wholesome shit in my life and your trans!dean shit is top teir

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW LONG I’VE BEEN WAITING TO GET THIS ASK

This is gonna be a long post and it’s not all gonna be destiel because I have so much trans dean to share! Strap in everyone!

When he was a kid, Dean pretty quickly realized that he was trans and didn’t want to be perceived as John’s daughter anymore

One day when John was on a hunt, Dean shaved all his hair off in the bathroom

John was super pissed because Dean was like his last real connection to Mary, but eventually he let it go

Very much a “if you prove to me you’re a real man by [doing x], then I’ll gender you correctly”

This was a very successful manipulation tactic in turning Dean into John’s perfect soldier

Sam has, to Dean’s memory, never misgendered him

Puberty was super rough for Dean

The good thing was that they never stayed in one place long, at least not long enough to ask Dean probing questions

One time Dean overbinded on a hunt (using ace bandage because John had never gotten him a real one) and passed out, nearly getting killed

John was pissed to hell and sent him to Bobby for a few weeks

Bobby was, in turn, pissed at John and bought Dean a real binder

Speaking of Bobby, he helped Dean through his whole transition, paid for his T and top surgery, and always took care of him

I have more to say on all this but back to your actual ask

Dean was a little defensive around Cas at first because he knew Cas had seen his whole body putting him back together in Hell, knew he was trans

Probably around the time of Free to Be You and Me, Dean officially came out to Cas

“I...know already, Dean.” “I know you know, dumbass, but I wanted my coming out to be real.” “Coming out?”

Cue Dean trying to explain the intricacies of coming out and being LGBTQ+ to Cas and Cas being so confused that Dean laughs until he cries

Cas knew about transphobia, of course, but couldn’t quite grasp the concept of why a real coming out was so important until a while after Dean explained it to him

When Dean gets really dysphoric, Cas reminds him that he is the righteous man, the Michael Sword, and that he was made exactly as he was supposed to be

Cas also always watches Dean’s favorite movies when Dean gets dysphoric (cowboy movies and The Lost Boys, of course)

Once they get together, Dean is a little skittish about sex even though he knows Cas already knows him inside and out and doesn’t care that he’s trans

Cas loves to kiss Dean’s top surgery scars (Dean is covered in scars but Cas says those are the bravest ones of all, not earned in a fight against a monster but a fight to be himself)

Once Cas gets a more firm grip on gender, he realizes that he wants to use he/they pronouns and Dean is there for him every step of the way

Cas helps Dean do his T shot every week because Dean is a little afraid of needles

Eventually, Dean hangs a big trans flag on the wall of the bunker

Jack is non-binary and often goes to Dean for all kinds of questions regarding gender and dysphoria!!!

The longer Dean is alive and with Cas and Jack and Sam and his family, the more at ease he feels with himself

Being with Cas makes him feel brave and he feels himself allowing himself to do things he never thought he would (get his ears pierced, wear crop tops, grow his hair out a little)

Cas still calls Dean his righteous man

I hope this is what you were looking for!! More to come in the future I’m sure

[transboy-adventures]

9 weeks 1 day on T

i know it's been a while since i updated y'all but nothing too noticable has happened until now. however! i think my period has stopped! it's almost two weeks late now and I'm very sure I'm not pregnant. I'm still feeling some symptoms of it (bad mood, occasional cramps) but there has been no bleeding. Keep in mind I've had the Merina IUD for 16 weeks and 6 days which is something that may effect it more but I'm going to give testosterone partial credit since the IUD doesn't guarantee an effect on periods at all and usually takes six months to do anything if it does. In terms of other stuff, I'm still slowly growing scruffy facial hair, my peach fuzz moustache is slowly getting darker and thicker to the point friends have mentioned it, my voice continues to deepen slowly which is lovely. I used to love singing but my voice started making me far too dysphoric to do it, now i can sing again! much less well obviously because my voice is cracky and stuff but at least I enjoy it again!!!! also bottom growth is looking lovely, it's grown but also changed shape, now looking just like the little head of a penis. I'm also smelling increasingly worse which is a bit of a problem 😭 whatever i did to shower before simply no longer does the trick because i still smell right out of the shower... er... everywhere... so I'm going to have to learn some new techniques or something or I'm going to reek for the rest of my life

[genderqueerpositivity]

CW: some possibly TMI body changes on testosterone

I'm 7 weeks on low dose T today.

I didn't make 5 and 6 week updates because of reasons. And I didn't have much new to say for those weeks anyway.

Last week was also my first period since starting T and stopping the pill and that was absolutely terrible. I kind of hoped that it just wouldn't come back...but I also know that probably won't happen at my current dose. But I wish that it would.

Changes are definitely slow on low-dose. Sometimes this is frustrating, but mostly I am glad. This gives me time to really think about and accept the changes.

The trans need for change vs. the autistic need for sameness. Something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

And it feels like I'm totally in control of the process. This isn't something being done to me, but a process that I actively take part in. I could stop any day I feel ready to--and I get to choose to continue everyday.

And I do mean everyday; I haven't missed a single T gel dose in 7 weeks. Which is amazing for someone who sucks as badly as I do at remembering to take their medications and then actually doing it.

I haven't had any changes that I truly dislike yet. Everything has either been a positive change or one that I feel fairly neutral towards now. My voice is a little different, my skin a little oilier, my arms a little hairier.

I finally noticed a few new facial hairs the other day. Since I already had facial hair, it's been kind of hard to tell? But these are definitely new. Same for ass hair lol, already had it but I think there is more now.

Bottom growth...I don't even know when exactly that is happening. But it is? I'm just surprised every time I notice, is all. It seems like there will be nothing new for two weeks, but then, suddenly, hello? It must be happening everyday, but the changes are so gradual that it's difficult to tell a difference from one day to the next.

Oddly, bottom growth is the only change I've had any serious concerns about now that it's happening. I'm actually pleased with it personally, I like it and I hope it continues. But I would be lying if I said I weren't worried about possible reactions to it in the future. But I'm also not going to let the potential reactions of others stop me.

Overall, I'm glad I'm doing this. It's the right thing for me. I'm certainly less dysphoric and occasionally more gender euphoric. I also feel more patient in regards to waiting for top surgery now? And more certain that that is what I need to do--but it doesn't feel as urgent? Like, I'm going to make it to that point even if I have to wait a little longer.

I'd consider this a positive thing, overall.