#but the idea of having to do work rn makes me want to cry this week is so long why is friday always so horrible i just wanna go to sleep
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math makes me want to curl up in a ball and start crying
#the topic isn't even hard its god damn statistics and possibility calculation or what ever you call that shit in english#but the idea of having to do work rn makes me want to cry this week is so long why is friday always so horrible i just wanna go to sleep#but i should really get a head start rn but im so so tired and im rambling again aint i#yapping on main
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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...
#ay ay ay. my head feels like its stuffed completely full of cotton. bulging at the seems#its just that wrung out ive been crying too much feel. i just had to do a bunch of application stuff yesterday night#and there were way too many tears so i work up out of focus with salt in my eyelashes. so i wasnt that productive despite the fact i really#need to b rn. and i met with my boss for our weekly meeting and its just so many things i have to do#like theres this procedure for some new equipment we have and im testing it out but like she wants to see it in action and im like treading#close to dangerously unstable so the chances i burst into tears in public is quite high which is why i hide in my apartment and only go to#the lab when no ones there. but no im prob gonna have to go in Thursday and have to go drive like and hr away next week so we can hopefully#have all the equipment we need for another project thats gonna kill me. plus we got contacted by a group we were gonna work with last year#who wanna work with us again. which is objectively good like itll look real good on a cv to b involved and like even non science ppl would#prob find it cool. but i csnt feel any of that bc i dont kno how im gonna be able to go back and forth contacting the other lab group i#have to work with in order to do everything. which its like itll b fine#ive done it before. 2 of the 3 things i have done before so itll be fine. it just doesn't feel like it#it feels like im dissolving into pieces and everythings spinning too fast. theres a film between myself and everything else so i cant touch#anything and it cant touch me.#and its weird bc i know that burning myself out is what got me here but i still cant detatch myself from the soul crushing guilt of not#making every second productive. its disorienting bc my brain will b like: u should just stay here over break and get stuff done#and like no. thats objectively the worst thing i could possibly do. i just feel like a wet glob of paper towels. ive already committed#myself to only 13 days being gone. only have to trudge through like 21 days 1st. how? no idea#like im sure itll b fine but somethings gotta give before my brain implodes beyond repair. if were not there already#ay everytime my boss says something nice abt me to someone it just feels like a knife in the gut. like shes not lying but i just feel like#ive fallen so far that shes talking abt a past verson of me and it makes me sad. like idk how obvious it is but im sure i have terrible#vibes irl lol like the sort of pained twisted up little smiles u make when u dont wanna lie but u dont wanna b honest ay#itll b fine. i can feel the floorboards giving way so somethings close to giving just have to see where and in what form the metaphor#actulizes. hopefully it does so quickly bc im bored and tired of living like this. and i dont really wanna go home and explode into tears#like a child and have my parents deal with me. which they would bc theyre great. i just dont wanna worry them sigh...#unrelated#i should sleep bc i gotta get up and burn my brain out being a scribe tomorrow morning. at least i get to hang out with someone cool
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SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING SO HARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
#i was like huh whats that noise. bc i can normally NEVER hear anything over my headphones but it was the rain fucking shattering it down#my bed is WET the window was only open a few inches 😭#anyway had no signal at work again today smfh. but at least they let me on the bus free on the way there this morning#still a bit wobbly im in the baby deer phase of post major depressive episode#roommate asked how i was doing when she got home and i very very nearly started crying but i didnt i was so brave#my insane insecurity and anger swings post rsd episode have mostly faded too thank fuck. only took 4 days which is pretty good for me#but im still so so tired it takes everything out of me...#when im recovered + can talk abt it without making myself upset again im promising myself i will talk to her abt the rsd if nothing else#but i really really dont want to make her feel bad abt it at all its genuinely not anyones fault. but its important to me that i say smth#just so we can avoid it happening again where possible bc it does really suck so bad. for everyone im sure but mostly me here#and i would like to be able to care abt ppl and have close friends without risking my entire mental (+ physical..) wellbeing 😭#i think if im still struggling w mood once my meds stabilise i might ask if there are options to help w that too#like i think ive gone as far as i can w therapeutic techniques rn. its just too overwhelmingly intense and reflexive for me to apply that#and i dont feel like i live my life around it or in fear of it anymore like generally i have been a lot better#but when im vulnerable and it DOES strike i have no defense against it whatsoever and it can tank everything for weeks#its just high stakes. and it'll help to make sure ppl know abt it and might be able to support etc but it would be nice to never worry abt#so worth trying meds for it maybe. i just dont rly wanna have the conversations w medical ppl in order to get it in the first place#like i wouldnt feel safe telling a doctor abt it bc the idea of someone with that authority having power over me is terrifying#ah well this isnt a problem for right now. plus stimulants might help me w it anyway once im finished titrating so we'll see#got so distracted typing this i forgot what i was gonna do.... i need to check my planner#and then ill probably read and go to sleep early i think zzzzz#ahhh.. and the birds are singing outside now the rain has stopped :-)#.diaries
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srry,,vent :/
#girl im tired#like fucken exhausted#this is exhausting#idk#i feel so drained#like im less than a person#like i dont exist#its so hard to rationalize and im trying so hard to keep a level head#but im not sure what to do#or what to say#i want to cry i have cried over this shit#im emotionally constipated and its SO fucking hard to cry but this has torn me up and . i thought that wouldnt happen here#i thought wed work things out#but i seem to be the only one trying to meet in the middle and im tired of reaching and genuinely being told#'this wont change and we wont find common ground or any compromise"#like shit bro u cant even ENTERTAIN the idea of compromise? what am i supposed to do in this situation?#and yeah . yeah it makes me feel VERY fucking alone rn. i am so desperate not to be alone and lonely and tonight just. got to me#it all really makes me think. ive been thinking a lot.
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please baby | c. s. |
chris sturniolo x fem!reader
summary: chris and y/n have always had what felt like a perfect relationship. that is, until a few weeks ago. chris had been treating y/n poorly, and after one especially hurtful conversation, she is forced to make a difficult decision. when chris comes to the realization that he is about to lose it all, will he swallow his pride and do what he needs to win her back?
warnings: established relationship; smut; angst; fighting; (relatively) toxic chris; crying; unprotected sex; fluff; 18+
notes: based on this request by 🎀. i've never rlly written an angsty fic before, so let me know what u all think! also wrote this super quick so i don't think it's my best work, but still i hope u enjoy <333
ᵕᵕᵕᵕ୨♡︎୧ᵕᵕᵕᵕ
Through tears, I stared blankly at my phone. My eyes had been glued to my lit up screen for the past two minutes — unmoving, and unable to register what I was reading. Even with blurry vision, Chris’ last message to me was seared into my memory.
Chris: Ffs Y/n, just shut up. I said I’ll get there when i get there jesus.
Just as my brimmed tears finally spilled over, so did the water I was boiling on the stove. The immediate steam and sizzling noises pulled me from my phone, and frustrated for more than one reason, I raced over to the stove and shoved the pot off of the element; leaving the boiling pasta noodles to sit in the water. Just looking at my failed attempt at dinner brought on a new level of pain, as it was a reminder of what I hoped that the night could be.
Chris, my boyfriend of almost one year, was supposed to be coming over tonight. I had been super excited, because both of our schedules had been especially busy lately and we hadn’t been able to spend much time together over the past three weeks, plus I had some good news to share with him about my work. I had wanted to make the night special, so I had decided to cook one of Chris’ favourite meals — chicken alfredo — to surprise him with once he arrived.
He was currently stuck at the warehouse for a merch meeting with Nick, Matt, and his manager, and he had told me that he would come over and spend the night once he was done there. That was a few hours ago, and I had been patiently waiting for an update from him until about thirty minutes ago, when I sent him a simple message asking if he had any idea when he would be done at the warehouse. Little did I know, that singular message would cause a massive storm to erupt.
Y/n: hey babe! just wondering if you have an idea on when you can come over?
Chris: Not rlly sure
Y/n: okay…rough estimate maybe?
Y/n: just have some things i need to get done before u get here hehe
Chris: I’ll get there when I get there.
Y/n: uh..is something wrong?
Chris: No why
Y/n: ur being kinda mean???
Chris: No I’m not
Y/n: ok
Chris: My god Y/n I don’t have time for this rn
Y/n: i just said ok
Y/n: you go ahead and go back to your meeting
Y/n: i was just asking for an update, that’s all.
Y/n: didn’t realize that was such a horrible thing.
Chris: Ffs Y/n, just shut up. I said I’ll get there when i get there jesus.
Even though I hate to admit it, this wasn’t the first time that Chris had been an absolute asshole to me lately. Just last week, he had started a fight that ended with him hanging up the phone on me; only to call back a little while later to apologize. And then a few days before that, he had put zero effort into making time for me when I had tried to make plans for us to go to the movies. And during all of this, he has been incredibly dry over messages. It had been bothering me for a while now, because to me it was clear that he was losing interest. I knew that our relationship would be far from perfect going in to it, considering Chris had never been in a real relationship before me, but deep down I hoped that it would always be as perfect as it was at the beginning. Unfortunately for my hopes and dreams, his actions — or lack thereof — were shattering.
I wasn’t some oblivious girlfriend either; it was clear to me that Chris was going through something. I knew that for a fact, but every time I tried to get him to open up to me about it all, he shut me down with lame excuses: “Oh, I’m just tired,” or, “I’ve just been stressed lately”. I figured that he just needed time, and that eventually he would come to me and explain exactly what had been going on so that I could help him through it.
But now, after his hurtful words to me tonight, I was seriously considering my other options. I had been in far too many toxic relationships in the past, and had learned that I deserve more than what I had been accepting. I wouldn’t let myself be Chris’ punching bag anymore, and I knew right then and there that I had an incredibly painful task to do.
Allowing myself to be overtaken by my build up of tears, I slowly walked into my bedroom; turning off the lights and covering myself with my comforter. My shoulders heaved as I let the tears stream down my face; my brain accepting what I needed to do but my body rejecting it in every way possible. Through the tears, I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Chris — telling him that I was tired and that he might as well not come at all tonight, but we should talk tomorrow — before curling into a ball and wallowing in my own sorrows.
I stayed in the exact same position for what felt like ages; allowing myself to get all of the emotions out now so that when I had to do what I had to do tomorrow I could do so without breaking down so hard. Eventually, my tears slowed and I felt my burning eyes begin to grow heavy. Sleep was beginning to overtake me, and as I gave into my exhaustion my mind filled with scenes of the nightmare that I was going to have to face tomorrow.
ᵕᵕᵕᵕ୨♡︎୧ᵕᵕᵕᵕ
I was startled out of my sleep by the sound of keys jangling from the direction of my front door. Disoriented, it took me a moment to be overtaken by the feeling of dread that came from hearing that noise. The only person who had a key to my apartment was Chris. Before, hearing his keys at my door filled my stomach with undeniable excitement — now, my stomach did anxious flips knowing what had to be done.
As I heard the door open and close, I rolled over so that I was facing away from my bedroom door and glued my eyes shut; pretending to still be asleep. I heard his soft footsteps on the other side of the door as he wandered through my dark apartment, before a hushed “shit!” broke the silence. After a few moments, I listened as his footsteps grew closer and closer to my bedroom door, and as I heard it slowly creak open, I braced for impact.
The room stayed silent, though I couldn’t really say that for sure since I couldn’t hear anything above the sound of my own racing heart in my ears. I did my best to stay completely still, though it felt like every part of my body was vibrating; waiting for his next move. Suddenly, I felt a shift in my mattress as his body leaned against it, and physically jumped at the feeling of his hand on my shoulder; shaking it gently.
“Y/n, wake up.” He spoke in a faux whisper, and, even though I had been pretending, I felt my body grow hot in anger that he would have the audacity to wake me from my sleep after showing up to my apartment uninvited. However, my body still not understanding that it wouldn’t belong to him much longer, I shot up from my place on the bed and searched for his eyes. The room was pitch black, but I could sense exactly where he was in front of me.
Rubbing my eyes, I searched the bed for my phone, checking the time to find that it was already nearly 2 a.m. I felt the mattress shift once again and watched his faint outline as he sat on his side of my bed. “Y/n, you left the stove on.” He was still whispering, and his sentence ended in a slight chuckle; clearly oblivious to the decision that I had made on my own just hours before.
Too heartbroken to really care about the stove, I shrugged my shoulders. “Whoops.” Was all I said to the silent room. “What happened? You fall asleep in the middle of making dinner or something?” His voice was still light-hearted, and was far from a tone that matched his previous texts to me. It made it so difficult for me to remember what I had to do.
“Turn the lamp on please.” I said simply, using every ounce of strength in my body to keep my tone monotonous. Chris stayed still for a moment, clearly thrown off by my behaviour. “Uh, okay.” He finally said as he leaned toward the bedside table closest to him and switched on the warm-toned light. After allowing my eyes time to adjust to the sudden brightness, they immediately fell on him.
Oh, my Chris.
His beautiful blue eyes were so kind and bright, his long hair was wet and messily draped across his forehead, and his matching oversized sweat set made me want nothing more than to curl into him and breathe him in. He stared at me blankly for a moment, clearly beginning to register that I was upset, before finally speaking. “I’m really sorry about earlier, baby. I had been in the meeting for hours and was getting really stressed out.” I felt the lump in my throat begin to grow. Some variation of that exact sentence had been the same excuse he had given me each and every time he had hurt me over the past few weeks, and it had lost its sincerity long ago. So, instead of giving into his cheap apology, I sat up in my bed and faced him; taking a deep breath before speaking.
“I have to tell you something. And I need you to let me say this without interrupting, or else I’m scared I won’t be able to go through with it. I’ve had to say this for a while now, and now that we are where we are I know it has to be done. So please, let me say it, okay?” His light eyes were focused intensely on me, he was clearly trying to figure out where this conversation was going. But finally, he swallowed before tentatively nodding his head. “O-okay.”
I closed my eyes, feeling my lower lip quiver as I tried to find my footing on this conversation. After taking a shaky breath, I finally found my voice. “I can’t do this anymore, Chris.” Immediately, my attempt at getting all my tears out of the way earlier proved to be a failure; because as soon as the heavy words left my mouth I broke down into sobs.
Over my crying, I heard Chris’ disbelieving voice. “What do you mean you’re done with this? With what? Me?” His voice cracked slightly as he spoke, clearly being hit with the same emotions that I was. I stayed silent — my eyes screwed shut as I wrapped my arms around my torso; doing my best to comfort myself. “Y/n, please tell me what you’re talking about.” He pleaded, and I felt him scoot closer to me on the bed; placing a hesitant hand on my knee.
After catching my breath, I wiped my tears away and opened my eyes to find his frantically searching my face like an uncertain creature. “I know you’re going through something right now,” My voice was coming out nearly silent, but I continued, “And I tried so hard to be there for you, I really did Chris. But you won’t talk to me! Instead, you’ve been taking out all of your frustrations on me and treating me like absolute shit. Do you really think that’s okay?” I fought the lump in my throat as I got my words out, his shattered face no help in that department. Frantically, Chris shook his head. “No. No, it’s not okay, baby, and I’m really sorry. But please, please don’t do this.” His tone tugged at my heart strings as his desperation grew more and more transparent.
Shaking my head and closing my eyes, I shut him down. “Can you tell me why you’ve been acting the way you have?” I knew my question was pointless before I even asked it, but his silence confirmed it. Releasing an ironic chuckle, I continued. “I promised myself that I would never let another man treat me badly. I’ve put up with it far too many times, and no matter how much I love you, Chris, I can’t allow you to speak to me the way you have been lately.”
I opened my eyes and felt my heart sink at his ghostly expression, clearly on the verge of losing his shit. I brought a hand up to his cheek and stroked it for a moment, and as I did he closed his eyes and let a few tears fall. “I want you to get better, I really do. But I clearly can’t help you, so you need to do it on your own.” My own words felt like a stab in the chest, and I couldn’t help the tears as they streamed down my face. “Come to me when you’ve worked through your shit, and we can see if we can repair things. But for now, I need you to leave.”
At that, Chris’ eyes shot open in a panic and he immediately grabbed onto my leg. “No, Y/n, please. Don’t do this.” I turned my head away from him as his desperation became too much to bear. His hands traveled across my body in anguish, clearly losing all control of his emotions as the reality of our situation began to set in for him. His body slid off of the bed as he dissolved into tears against my comforter. Still having the instinct to comfort him, I scooted towards the edge of the bed, where I let my legs stretch out beside him as I ran my hands through his beautiful curls.
“Please, please baby, I swear to god I can’t do this shit without you.” He wretchedly pleaded with me, clutching my leg and trailing distressed kisses along it. I looked up at the sky, too pained by the scene that was playing out in front of me. “Chris, please, I need you to go.” I begged him, needing to put him out of his misery so that I could hurt in private. He maintained his grasp on my leg, sobbing inconsolably against it. I gave him a moment, in which he slowly began to regain control of his emotions. I watched as his sobbing grew quieter and his breathing slowed, before finally watching as he pulled himself up to his feet; the weight of our conversation evident in the way he held himself weakly.
He glanced down at me quickly, his blue eyes red and puffy, before turning away in what looked like shame. In utter silence, he turned and began walking slowly in the direction of my bedroom door. With his hand on the door knob, he paused for a moment. “I’m sorry.” His words were so quiet I could have easily missed them, but the sincerity cut through my heart like a knife. That sincerity hadn’t been present in any of the other apologies he gave me, and I was gutted that it appeared too late.
And then just like that, he was gone. I felt all the air leave my chest at the realization of what I had just done, and let my body fall back against my bed as tears once again poured down my cheeks. I couldn’t help but immediately question whether or not I had done the right thing. Was I a horrible person for abandoning the man I loved when he was so clearly dealing with something? Did I allow my fears of repeating my past distort my current reality? Were the things he said to me really that bad?
I was pulled out of my tormenting thoughts by a soft voice coming from my doorway.
“My meeting today wasn’t about merch.”
That was all that he said. That was all it took for my heart to begin to beat for him again. One small hint of vulnerability. Feeling humiliated internally, I sat up on my elbows and found him hovering in the doorway. “Talk to me about it Chris.” I sounded exacerbated even to my own ears, feeling frustrated from all of the overwhelming emotions that the evening held. Tentatively, he walked over to the bed and sat beside me on the edge, arms resting on his knees. After clearing his throat, he began to explain. “The meeting today wasn’t about merch, it wasn’t really about anything to be honest.” Confused, I waited in silence for him to continue.
“A few weeks ago, Laura brought up the idea of going on another tour. A European tour.” He paused for a moment. “Nick and Matt immediately agreed and wanted to start planning everything so that we could do it this summer, but I said I didn’t want to do it.” I watched the back of his head, slightly shocked by his words since I knew that he had enjoyed the previous tours so much. “We would be overseas for a month, and I didn’t want to be so far away from you for that long. So I told them I didn’t wanna do it.” He took a deep breath. “Now, Matt and Nick are super pissed at me. They’ve both been giving me the silent treatment for weeks outside of the few times when they’ve just tore me a new one. And sure, we’ve all fought before, but never this bad. It’s been going on for so long, and I feel like I’ve lost sight of everything without having them be there for me.” His voice grew thick with emotion, and I fought the urge to cry along with him.
“Things have gotten so bad between us, that Laura forced us all to come in tonight to basically have a supervised argument. We sat there for hours, Y/n, just screaming at each other. And we got nowhere. I stood firm in what I wanted and so did they, so that’s why it went on for so long. And that’s also why I have been treating you like a complete dick lately. Because even though you had no clue what was going on, I think a part of me was kinda blaming you for all this shit. And I know that wasn’t fair, I really do. I just didn’t know how to tell you all of this because I’ve never been in a situation like this before.”
He turned to look at me, grabbing at my hand that was lying dormant in the space between us. “And I’m so, so sorry that I treated you the way I did. You didn’t deserve it. At all. But please baby, please don’t leave me. Because if you do, I will be completely lost. You are my anchor, and I need you to be there for me.” Tears rolled down my face as his voice cracked in desperation. “And I swear, baby, I won’t treat you like shit ever again. If you can’t believe me, and if you’re really truly done, I’ll understand. But please, Y/n, if there’s any part of you that believes me, please don’t leave.” He dropped his head into my lap, wrapping his arm around my waist and gripping onto my oversized t-shirt. Out of instinct, I brought my hand to his face and began stroking it softly; wiping away his tears as I did.
We stayed that way for a long time, both of us sniffling, heaving messes. I couldn’t lie, his honesty truly impacted me. I knew that he had to have gone against every single one of his instincts to finally tell me what had been going on in his life, and the fact that he did meant so much to me. I knew that Chris was extremely reliant on his brothers being a constant in his life, and couldn’t even imagine how lost he must feel knowing that they’re against him. His problem was much more severe than I thought it would have been prior to him opening up, and I felt an overwhelming amount of empathy for him. I knew that his poor treatment of me — as wrong as it was — had been completely out of character, and as I sat there stroking his soft cheek, I decided that I would believe him.
“Come up here.” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. Immediately, Chris lifted his head off of my thighs and sat up, his face inches from mine. Without a moment of hesitation, I leaned forward and engulfed his lips with my own. He immediately reciprocated, and both of our tongues worked in unison to lap up the salty taste of each other’s tears. Chris leaned forward, encouraging me to fall back against my pillows as he continued his passionate assault on my lips. His mouth travelled down my neck, where I shuddered as I felt him place sucks and nibbles sure to leave a trail of purple bruises. His body was warm on top of mine, and I had never before felt so present with him; so aware of his every movement.
He moved down my body, stopping briefly at my chest to remove my shirt, before continuing down below my waist. With his tongue, he created a path from just below my belly button to my right hip bone, where he left another purple bruise; causing my skin to break out in goose bumps. Lifting my hips, he wasted no time in pulling my boy shorts off of my body and leaving me completely bare. He continued to leave gentle kisses along each square inch of my body surrounding my core, but making sure to leave the place where I needed his mouth the most completely untouched.
I began to grow impatient, my body temperature increasing as my body filled with arousal. As he placed a kiss on my inner thigh, I bucked my hips up in frustration; practically begging for contact. Noticing my agitation, Chris almost immediately obliged, and I gasped out in pleasure as his tongue began working its magic against my clit. With each hand holding up my thighs, Chris swirled his tongue relentlessly against my bundle of nerves. I struggled to keep my body still as his movements continued, and failed miserably once he inserted two of his fingers into my core. “Fuck Chris, t-that’s so good.” I moaned out as his tongue and fingers worked my cunt in harmony. The wet sounds of my arousal grew louder and louder as I began to approach my orgasm, and in reflex my hands tangled in his hair; doing everything I could to keep him exactly where I needed him.
“Gonna cum, baby.” I cried out, and his encouraging hum against my clit was enough to get me there. My back arched off of the bed as my body began to convulse. To keep me in place, Chris took his free hand and placed it firmly on my lower stomach; causing me to scream out in pleasure. His mouth and fingers continued to push me through my orgasm, and didn’t stop even after my nerves became over sensitive. “C-Chris please. Can’t take anymore.” I struggled to get out the words, but he listened. Detaching his mouth from my core, he dragged his body back up my own and came face to face with me.
With the glean of my arousal still on his lips, he kissed me so deep I felt my lungs inflate. I could taste myself on his tongue, and my eyes nearly rolled to the back of my head from the intensity of the moment. I broke the kiss for only a moment to pull his hoodie over his head; relishing in the feeling of his bare chest against my own. Through his sweatpants, I could feel his bulging member press against my pelvis, and I reached in between our bodies and pulled his waistband down along with his boxers. Now completely free, his cock dribbled pre-cum down my stomach. With my hand still between us, I collected what was left of his fluid along his slit before slowly stroking my hand up and down his swollen shaft.
His breath hitched as I continued my movements, and he thoughtlessly bucked his hips into my hand to increase the friction along his trembling member. My hand twisted around his dick for a few more pumps, before I slowly guided it down toward my entrance. Once Chris felt the heat of my core at the tip of his cock, he looked down at me with darkened eyes — still slightly puffy from his previous tears — and dropped his jaw as he began to slide into me.
I gasped at the feeling of my walls stretching around his sizeable girth, and released a breathy moan as he bottomed out. Laying on top of me, he grabbed both sides of my face in between his hands and held it firmly as he began thrusting into me. His eyes never left mine as his hips rolled into me, and I watched in ecstasy at the pleasure visible on his face — as I’m sure he was doing to me. Our bodies smacked together in a steady rhythm and the wet sounds filled the room, adding an additional sensation to my arousal.
“I-I’m so sorry, baby.” Grunted Chris through deep thrusts. “It’s — oh fuck — it’s okay Chris.” I replied as I wrapped my legs around his waist. “Just please — please tell me you’re mine.” His voice sounded desperate and choppy, most likely caused by a combination of arousal and real distress. His choice of words and the tone at which he said them caused my stomach to do a flip, and I felt my second orgasm approach. Fighting the urge to give into the overwhelming feeling, I reached up and swiped his glistening lip with my thumb. “I’m yours baby, always.” I managed to respond through my cries of pleasure. Chris smiled down at me lazily before burying his face in my neck; leaving sloppy, breathy kisses along its thin skin.
My walls began to pulse and my skin started to feel like it was being lit on fire; both clear signs that I was extremely overstimulated as I was approaching my orgasm. “Shit, gonna cum again.” I blurted out just as I was hit with a tsunami of an orgasm. My legs tightened around his waist and my nails dug into his arms as I fought to keep my head above water, but my mind grew fuzzy as I spewed guttural profanities into the room as I came in waves.
It didn’t take long for Chris’ orgasm to follow, and that was made clear by his throaty grunts and sloppy pace before he stopped entirely; shouting breathless 'I love yous' into my neck as his cock shot its warm fluid deep inside of me. He eventually pulled out, before curling two fingers into me and shoving all of our conjoined juices up to my cervix. His eyes stayed glued to my cunt as he did so, seemingly in awe of the view.
“You’re all mine, and I’m all yours.” He said it so quiet that he might have just been saying it to himself, before he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on the crest of my heat; earning a full-body flinch from me.
He came back up to the top of the bed where he laid down beside me, pulling me towards his chest and running a hand up and down my naked back. I felt so secure in his arms — his familiar smell filling my nostrils and calming my mind — that I nearly forgot everything that had happened prior to the past 15 minutes or so. That is, until he spoke.
“So, are we okay?” His voice was tentative, and he was very clearly afraid to hear my answer. I uncurled myself from his body so that I could look up at his lovely face, his desperate eyes scanning my poker face for any sort of hint.
“You will never, ever, speak to me like that again, no matter what.” I kept my voice firm, even when his face immediately relaxed into a grin. “I swear, I won’t baby.” He responded, trying to tuck me back into his chest, but I pushed back slightly. “And, I need you to talk to me about shit you’re going through, Chris. I’m your girlfriend. That’s my job. You need to promise me, you will come to me about anything, and I will do everything I can to help you through it.” He continued to gaze at me, though his wavering eyes and his chewing on his lower lip made it clear that the idea made him anxious. “Promise me, Chris.” I repeated, making it clear how serious I was.
Finally, Chris nodded his head. “I promise, baby. I’ll tell you everything.” I smiled, then, finally feeling secure in our relationship for the first time in weeks. “Then yes, we’re okay.” I responded before planting a soft kiss to his pink lips. “And you and your brothers are going to be okay, too.” His worried expression deepened at the reminder of his conflict with Nick and Matt. “We’ll talk about it more tomorrow once we get some rest, but we can make the tour work. You know, I’ve always wanted to visit Europe.” I watched as his lips began to turn up into a soft smile. “Plus,” I leaned forward to whisper in his ear, “I wouldn’t mind being your groupie.”
He dissolved into giggles at that. “But what about your job?” He asked tentatively. I shrugged. “I actually got promoted today. I was gonna tell you earlier, but y’know.” His face fell momentarily. “I got a raise, but more importantly I got more benefits. Including thirty vacation days.” His face lit up once again, and it was almost like I could see the weight lift off of his shoulders before he attacked my face with kisses. “So let’s have another meeting with Laura and your brothers tomorrow and work this all out. I can come, and we can fix this easily together.” Tears welled in his eyes, and he nodded his head before kissing me hard. “I love you, Y/n.”
I curled myself back into his chest and sighed, taking in the feeling of him mindlessly drawing random shapes on my back. This was the Chris that I knew and loved, and I knew that this is who he really was. He wasn’t perfect, but I never expected him to be. Problems come with every relationship, and of course there was never any guarantee, but I had a feeling that this night would vastly change our relationship for the better.
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#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo angst#chris sturniolo fluff
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bf!Bangchan x gn!reader (felix mentioned)
Masterlist
When he calls you clingy, so you distance yourself
Previous Pt. 3
Pt. 4
Next Pt. 5 (last part)
!Warnings: angst, reader is confused about their feelings, Chan gets pushed away (no actual harm done!), fake!texts, swearing (lmk if i missed anything)
Side-Note: *does a happy twerk dance bc I actually came up w something even tho my brain is fried rn* No but rlly, I didn't even want to do a 5th part but I had to find a way on making it work between them and this part turned out to be too long☝🏽😞💔💔💔💔💔💔 now I'm heartbroken... ANYWAY ENJOY
It's been 2 days. 2 days and you already miss him. It's not that he doesn't deserve it, but you really just want to hug him right now.
You've spent the last 2 days, crying in your bed and not a single text message from chan. The other members did message you, but you only want one from him...you know you told him not to message you, but it's his fault in the first place.
You stood up and got out of bed. Maybe unboxing my stuff will get me on other ideas, you thought to yourself and made your way to the living room, taking your time unboxing and placing your items on the furniture you bought weeks before.
Everything went well and your mood brightened up till you got to one specific box. The box, filled with Polaroid pics from your date, loveletters and poetries written by chan for you and more. You just stare at them for a while, but then decide to close the box and take a nice warm bath, maybe then you'll relax for a bit and not think of him.
You went to your bathroom, and turned the bathtub water on, taking off your clothes next. You take some bathing salt and a bath bomb out of your cabinet, throw them in the half filled bathtub and step inside. You've nearly melted at the feeling of the hot, but not too hot water on you skin. Since you're together with chan, you've barely looked after yourself, you nearly forgot how good it felt to just spend you time and have no one else around and suddenly, it wasn't that bad that chan isn't around anymore. You actually felt, relived, so you just close your eyes and relax....
xxxxxx
You must have fallen asleep, because when you open your eyes, the water was cold. You've rubbed your eyes, washed yourself, wrapped your body in a bathrobe and left the bathroom. You yawn out and went straight to your room, when you hear your phone vibrate. Someone is blowing up your phone and in the back of your head, you wished that it's the person, it actually is. Chan.
You throw your phone on your bed and walk over to your wardrobe and bang your head against it. What. The. Actual. Fuck Y/l/n Y/n. Why would you possibly ask HIM, to come into your apartment after you told him you wanted space???
You grab some clothes out of your wardrobe, flinching as you turn around, as someone widely bangs open the door to your bedroom.
"Y/n?! Y/N!" chan screams, excited and runs over to you like an excited puppy, just to stop in his tracks as he remembers that you warned him not to touch you, so he stands still in front of you, with a giant smile on his face.
"Get out of my room. Can't you see i'm changing right now?" you coldly reply to him, fighting your inner demons to not jump right in his arms and hug him. His smile drops and he just blinks at you confused, which nearly breaks your heart. How is it possible that he was so mean to you, but is also so freaking cute which makes it so hard to hate him? "I-I don't understand.. why do I have to go out, it never was a problem to you-" "Do you want me to kick you out of the apartment instead?" you ask, as you walk over to your bed.
"NO, no i'll leave.." Chan lowly responds, walking out of the room. You weren't going to risk him calling you clingy again, for changing while he's in the same room, not happening.
xxxxx
After you've changed into something comfortable, you've asked him to come back inside and sit next to you on your bed, with a good amount of space, which Chan stared at with a questioning look, but didn't comment it any further.
"So? Why are you here?" you started asking, "I mean, why did you come to my apartment. If you came to just apologize, you can go again, because what you said needs more than an apology. Just because you'll feel better after apologising doesn't mean-" "-Doesn't mean that it's actually okay, I know baby.." Chan interrupts you, as he stared down at your arms "Can I...hug you?" "Excuse me?" you ask confused. Since when does he ask if he can hug you..? "I mean, sure I guess" you just say and with that Chan grabs you by you waist with one hand, putting his other hand, securingly on your neck, hugging you. You were about to hug him back, but stop midway.
Why did you just stop? Isn't that what you wanted? He's here now so why don't you hug him? Could it be that you're...scared? Scared that he might think you're actually clingy and annoying? Scared of that he'll push you away if you make a move? Or are you...
"You smell so good...i missed you so much..." chan's words pull you out of your thoughts, as you push him off. He looks at you, confused. Why did you suddenly push him off? "Wh-" "You should go." "Wha- But why.." "Please Chris just go." "Can I at least get a kiss-" "GEEZ CHRIS JUST GO!" you yell. You didn't intentionally yell at him, but you needed some time for yourself to collect your thoughts, and he's only in the way.
"Please...just go" you mumble out, and Chan stares at you for a while, before standing up from the bed. "I'll text you when I'm home" he casually says, with a hint of sadness in his voice. He mumbles out a quick and quiet >>I'm sorry, for everything<< out, and makes his way out of the apartment.
What was wrong with you? You've missed him so much so why would you not hug him back? Why would you ask him to go? And why...why didn't you kiss him?... You've loved to do it before....so why not now?..
What....was wrong with you?
Are you really...
As clingy as he said?
⁺˚*・༓☾✧༺🖤༻✧✧༺🖤༻✧✧༺🖤༻✧☽༓・*˚⁺
@stay-tiny-things @finnbbl @emilyywhyy @wolfs-howling @justastraymoa @loveyouamory @muraae @callmekdab @seungquokka @vive-la-v-i-d-a @sunghoonnolgy
#bang chan#stray kids#skz imagines#stray kids fake texts#christopher bang#bang chan angst#bang chan x reader#bang chan stray kids#bang chan fake texts#lee felix
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can you do a “fighting for the first time” preference/headcannons with the HoO boys ? i love ur work!!
Fighting for the First Time - HoO Boys x Fem!Reader
author's note: thank you for the request!! and i'm so glad you like my work, this literally made my day. this is what i feel like first fights (non-quest related) would go but add your ideas in the comments!!
genre: angst ending in fluff
word count: 1.5k but it's all in bullet points
-> heroes of olympus masterlist
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send me requests here! (these are my guidelines)
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percy jackson
the first time you guys seriously fight, it goes one of two ways
either a.) he doesn't care about who's right and just wants things to go back to normal or b.) he thinks he's right
option a is the preferred option
he tries to talk to you, finding you whenever and wherever
he refuses to leave until the problem is sorted out
and he is upset the entire duration of the fight
he apologizes for anything
"i'm sorry if i did anything at all to hurt you" kind of apology
option a fights would be over things like unintentionally hurting each-other
like accidentally saying something mean or sparring too roughly with each-other
or it would be over his reckless behavior
in which he understands why it worries you
this first fight wouldn't last long
maybe a day before you guys are all good again
option b is the worst
when he's convinced he's right, he tunes you out
not intentionally, it's just that he's too caught up in what he's feeling to properly listen to you
you guys go back and forth in circles
practically yelling at each-other
his eyes get dark and he becomes angry quickly
refuses to listen to you until things reach a tipping point
either you or him storm out and leave the other one alone for a few days and talk it out once they've cooled down
or one of you starts crying, and the anger is overshadowed by guilt and heartbreak bc of their ignorance
this fight would probably be over his loved ones
if you had pointed out a flaw about them or something they did which you didn't appreciate
or maybe just a passing comment you unintentionally made
i mean the loyalty on that man is crazy
lots of hurt feelings during this fight
and it would last a while - the most being a week
however, both fights would have a mutual apology
where both of you apologize for the things you've said and done
and you guys agree to do better in the future
you probs end up falling asleep in cabin 3 that night
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jason grace
to get in a serious fight with him, it's gotta be something big
jason is calm and level-headed
he takes a walk the first time things get heated and comes back to you with a clear mind
he talks to you calmly, treating the fight more like a debate
don't get it wrong though: internally he's freaking out
he's lost a lot, and he doesn't want to lose you
honestly your first serious fight with him would be over reckless behavior (on your end) or him being walked over
your first serious fight spawns from how deeply you two care for each-other
either he's mad you don't care about yourself and doesn't know how to tell you calmly bc you don't listen
or you're mad that he's ready to die for gods and kids who don't care about him in the least
you guys only fight about these things because light-hearted conversations don't send the message
jason, especially, stays stern during the fight
you wonder if he even cares tbh
but then you notice how he pauses and searches for words, how his lip twitches when you say something snappy, and the look in his eyes
he barely raises his voice, and only does it when you interrupt him constantly
the first fight would end within a day
it would end with revealing why you are reckless or why he is so selfless
it would be a calm, vulnerable conversation
would probs end in a make-out session bc he was so afraid he was gonna lose you
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leo valdez
i'm going to be so real rn: the fight starts because he's feeling inferior
he loves you sm and he considers himself lucky to have you
but bc of that - his feeling of inferiority would be on the back of his mind
he's not really jealous, but more-so afraid you're going to leave him at the drop of a hat like how everyone else has
so he gets upset if you're spending too much time around any other guy
the book series repeatedly talks about leo's insecurities and how he feels like he's not good enough and how he feels everything is his fault
insecurity runs deep and it would most definitely be a reason for a fight
you guys do raise your voices bc at first you're not understanding each-other
you think he's jealous and he thinks you don't want to be with him anymore
after you guys are done with your screaming match, leo would coop up wherever his machines are
he would stay there for a long time and think
he 100% is over analyzing every single thing you said to him
he's convinced you guys are going to break up and you're going to leave him
and he deserves it because it's his fault for starting the argument
even though he isn't jealous or thinks you're a cheater, he just let his insecurities get the best of him
and he feels like it's over for you two
he doubts himself; wondering if he should even try to talk to you or just let what he believes is the inevitable happen
so he doesn't even try to apologize
he is convinced it is all his fault
overworks himself in an attempt to distract himself from all of his terrible thoughts
you, on the other hand, have your time alone and want to talk to him
it's nighttime and he's nowhere to be found
you go to his little lab and voila, there he is
his eyes are red and sunken and his hands are shaky and dirty
you don't say anything, you just hug him
he breaks down and tells you why he was actually mad
he profusely apologizes and doesn't blame you if you want to break up
you explain to him that you are with him because you love him and that one little fight would never make you leave him
you reassure him that he is more than enough
this fight doesn't last more than a day or maybe two
the fight would end with a really intense kiss
and you would probably spend the rest of the night with him in his little work area
you'd watch movies, make jokes, laugh a lot, and company him while he manically works on something
that something is metal flowers as an apology for acting the way he did
it's his way of saying "we're stuck together and i love you :)"
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frank zhang
it's difficult to get into a serious fight with frank
but if you do, it would be over reckless behavior (on your end, c'mon y/n) or his own insecurity
your reckless behavior specifically with fire
frank and fire do not get along - it's well known
he literally can't stand you doing something dangerous in general
but with fire, it's even worse
he's convinced something terrible is going to happen and he lashes out at you bc of his previous experiences with fire
this fight would be short-lived though, bc you would understand why he feels that way
you'd apologize to him and he would apologize for lashing out
you'd agree to stop joking around with fire, but you'd convince him to start getting over his fear
this first fight actually ends up more helpful in the long run as frank slowly overcomes his fear of fire with you by his side
however, if it's his own insecurities, this would go another way
as mentioned, frank has been bullied
and he repeatedly feels like an outcast because he doesn't have dyslexia/adhd, he's an archer but he's a mars kid, and his life depends on a piece of firewood
your fight would start bc he felt left out with you
but it's just him overthinking
(if you use a sword) it's you sparring with jason or percy for practice
and it kinda makes him feel like "i want to help my gf but she needs someone who's actually good"
if you hang out with another mars kid for too long
makes him think "what i should be"
if you made a jab at him that he took a little too seriously
frank is a gentle giant, so he wouldn't yell in the least
you guys would argue and he'd be lost for words, kind of stuttering and repeating himself a lot
he'd just kinda walk off during an argument
this would make you mad bc he started the thing and doesn't want to listen to you
but really, he just wants to talk to you when it's not so heated
you'd go hide in your cabin/room
frank would be walking around and comes to the realization that walking out on your argument was a douchebag move
he shapeshifts into like a rat or a bug or something to go see you in your cabin and make sure you're not hurt
you'd see some random animal in your cabin and you get freaked out
he turn back into himself and apologizes for being rash
he'd be honest and tell you that he was just overthinking things and that he just got in his own head
you accept his apology and tell him to communicate better
to tell you if he feels left out or if he doesn't think something is funny, and to tell you that's he's leaving the argument bc he wants to think abt it
this fight is over by sundown
and you spend the rest of the evening practicing archery with him
#angst#heroes of olympus#hoo headcanon#heroes of olympus x y/n#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus headcanons#percy jackson x reader#percy jackson x y/n#jason grace x reader#jason grace x y/n#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez x y/n#frank zhang x reader#frank zhang x y/n#jason grace angst#percy jackson angst#leo valdez angst#frank zhang angst#but it all ends in fluff#so#percy jackson fluff#jason grace fluff#leo valdez fluff#frank zhang fluff#hoo
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If you can, could I request BEN Drowned fluff / smut headcanons like about himself, with his headcanon age, hobbies, facts, what he is into or would like & want in a relationship, and what he would be like with a gamer girlfriend/ s/o?
If ya taking requests rn still?✨😇😊💖
Ben Drowned general + NSFW hcs
A/N: yes!! absolutely. i love getting to talk about how the pastas do their pastaing in my mind. i have so many headcanons for everyone that im excited to share!! also sorry i forgot to include the gamer gf part but i don't think it would change a lot of what i wrote!!
btw sorry for fucking dying i have been busy 😭😭 but no one worry i will still continue to work on requests!! if anyone has any marble hornets stuff they wanna request i will zoom you to the front of the queue so fucking quick. anyways enough of me yapping.
cw: 18+ nsfw, toxic relationships, crying kink,
GENERAL
ben is mentally and physically 22, but he can be quite emotionally immature at times. when he died he never stopped growing and maturing, his soul was just stuck in limbo. think like the worst waiting room ever.
he's surprisingly tall, standing at about 5'9. he's lanky but not bone thin. could easily get pretty far in a fight without his ghost powers.
the link costume only appears when he’s in his ghost form. so for example, when he’s messing with someone on their computer he’ll appear as the canon BEN we’re most familiar with. when he’s just chilling in his physical body, he mostly wears beat up hoodies and sweatpants.
contrary to popular belief, ben's not the hardcore gamer everyone thinks he is. sure, he'll play some overwatch or whatever when he's bored but he honestly just prefers to watch tv and browse the internet. understandably REFUSES to play any zelda games. if you were trapped in a video game for decades would you ever wanna touch it again? exactly.
ben loves to draw little comics and troll (see: horrifically traumatize) people online. god forbid you get into twitter beef with this man because he will crawl through your monitor at 3am and leave you with a crippling fear of technology. dude thinks it's absolutely hilarious. a true knee slapper.
lowkey has a sugar addiction. will slam down 4 cans of pepsi in one sitting. he's very lucky that he's basically a ghost because the kidney stones would be plentiful.
ROMANTIC
you know that guy with the blown out speakers in his car, lives off of energy drinks and burnt blue razz ice elfbars, swears aphex twin is the modern mozart and works on the grill at your local wendy’s? yeah thats ben. or at least would be him if he was still human.
“why would you need a chair, my lap is literally right here babe.”
would absolutely wear your skin if given the opportunity. not in a weird way. he’s just EXTREMELY touchy.
he needs someone who is significantly more organized and motivated than him. he can go almost a week without showering and it should honestly be considered biological warfare when he tries to smother you with affection during these episodes.
after awhile of you guys dating he LOVES the idea of y’all showering together. he has a fear of water and while showers aren’t too much of a trigger, your presence helps ease his anxiety.
favorite pet names: bro, dude, dawg, babe, bitch (non derogatory)
not really a romantic but he tries his best. a perfect date for him is just getting some takeout, watching youtube, talking about stupid shit and play fighting. if you want something more traditional or extravagant then he’ll oblige to make you happy but those types of dates make him feel quite suffocated and nervous. try to save those for special occasions.
now let’s talk about his problems because just like the other creeps he is ANGSTY.
he’s probably the most emotionally stable and healthiest of the group but he definitely still has his toxic traits, after all this man is a ghost that mentally tortures and kills his victims through manipulation.
ben would never ever get physical with his partner no matter how enraged he is but he absolutely is the type to do some mental damage when he gets carried away. ben drowned? more like ben gaslighted.
the type to say some shit that would keep you up for years and then kiss you the next morning like the argument never happened. he finds it easier to ignore problems than to actively talk and fix them. you’re gonna have to teach him some important communication skills or else you’ll grow to resent him after all the bottled up rage.
a bit too brutally honest and blunt for his own good so if you have thin skin the relationship would fall apart pretty quickly. he wants someone who can drag him twice as hard as he dragged you. bonus points if your insults are consistently funny as hell.
please watch anime with him and discuss it. he would propose on the spot, especially if you play with his hair.
pro player tip: if you want him to clean his disgusting room, help him and make it fun! he just needs a little push and motivation at times. and being around you makes him want to get his shit together.
big fan of late night make-out sessions. i’m talking like 45 minutes straight of just slobbering on each other’s faces with tongues down throats. if you don’t want his hands running over every inch of your body then you’ll probably have to chain him to the wall.
NSFW
okay. so he’s a little inexperienced with his hands. he’s just a slow learner. be vocal with him about what you like!!
ben's about 7inches and slightly skinnier than average but he will have you seeing stars in record time. the dick game is no joke. he tends to go fast and deep most times.
i can see him being a switch in the idgaf-as-long-as-i’m-fucking way. dude will go with the flow and will try mostly anything.
definitely one of the least aggressive pastas during sex. he has sadistic tendencies but he’s more of a edge/overstimulate you until you cry versus a beat the shit out of you and rip hair out of your scalp type. he’s pretty vanilla given his occupation.
despite his love of roasting the fuck out of you on a daily basis, the only words that come out of this man’s mouth is heavenly praise. he looks at you like you’re the most gorgeous being on the planet and he’ll let you know it.
he loves to whisper praises into your ear while you ride him.
he's more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral. he'll absolutely spend hours between your legs if given the chance but nothing beats the sight of you on your knees and teary eyed with his length in your mouth.
he can be a bit of a head pusher but just let him face-fuck you every now and then, hearing his loud moans will be worth it.
did i mention how much of a crying kink this man has? you guys could be on round three and if he stares at your teary eyed fucked-out face for longer than 10 seconds he'll immediately get hard again. you'll have to beg him to give your poor body a break.
he's also into choking but only if he's the one doing it. if you try to restrict his breathing he'll panic and the mood would get ruined.
#creepypasta#creepypasta smut#celia reqs#creepypasta x reader#ben drowned#ben drowned x reader#ben drowned smut#ben drowned x y/n#ben drowned x you#ben drowned headcanons#ben drowned hcs#creepypasta headcanon
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Hi!! Saw your post about stray kids and help for ideas and it’s been BUGGING ME FOR DAYS about how Chan reacts throughout the whole pregnancy
(I’m in my soft girl era with him rn and oh gods it’s killing me 😩❤️)
Also I love your works! :))❤️
i literally could not write this when you first requested bc i was busy at that moment. but its been on my brain i needed to write it asap THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING SOMETHING!!! i hope you like<3
*°:⋆ₓₒ bangchan during your pregnancy ˚。⋆୨୧˚
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
∘°∘♡∘°∘°.✩┈┈∘*┈˃̶୨୧˂̶┈*∘┈┈✩.° ∘°∘♡∘°∘
mentions sex, fluff!!! mdni
✾ bangchan who is so excited when you tell him you’re pregnant. he even cries in your arms with happiness. “i can’t believe i’m gonna have a baby with you. you’re gonna be the best mom.”
✾ bangchan who is nervous about the news but is always strong for you.
✾ bangchan who is making sure you eat what you want and need whenever.
✾ bangchan who comes to you in your 7th week with baby names. him telling you that of course whatever name you two choose is the perfect one.
✾ bangchan who would never waste a moment to have his hands on you. his love language easily being shown with the way he acts towards you. any chance he has he is hugging you or kissing you.
✾ bangchan who loves your tummy. when you started to show he would be obsessed. always laying on your thighs so he is closer. he would always talk to your stomach. he would leave kisses all over your stomach to help you fall asleep.
✾ bangchan who loves to fuck you sweetly while your pregnant. him telling you how good it feels and how pretty you look.
✾ bangchan who always would eat your pregnancy cravings with you just for fun. he would tell you his opinions on them. always making sure you have what you need from the grocery store.
✾ bangchan who would realize the bad day you were having. he would cook you dinner and set a nice bath. making sure you get all the pampering you need to feel better.
✾ bangchan who gives you massages and legs rubs even when you don’t ask. he just wants an excuse to be close to you and for you to be relaxed.
✾ bangchan who constantly took photos of the two of you throughout pregnancy for memories. always adding that you look beautiful in the photos.
✾ bangchan who always was talking to his members about how happy is. always saying how much he loves you to them. (his members love you very much too) him also going to them when he did something to upset you.
✾ bangchan who always was patient with you when you’re upset or uncomfortable. he never got upset with you always listening to you and helping to make sure you’re feeling better. always resolving the conflicts and listening to you (even if you’re wrong lmfao)
✾ bangchan who always wakes up before you. his body picking up a routine so that if you need him he is awake when you get up.
✾ bangchan who gets a bunch of gifts for you and the baby randomly. saying he doesn’t need a reason to spoil you.
✾ bangchan who stresses so much when you tell him your water broke. him gathering every single thing you need and getting you to the hospital.
✾ bangchan who holds your hand and never leaves your side as you go into labour. him whispers to you telling you what a perfect job your doing.
✾ bangchan who cries in the hospital room when he holds your baby for the first time. his reaction causing you to cry with him.
✾ bangchan who is the happiest person in the world when you two take your baby home.
✾ bangchan who is spending his time with you two as much as possible. always telling you he loves you 100 times a day.
#skz stay#skz x reader#skz fanfic#skz fluff#skz smut#skz imagines#skz scenarios#skz#skz bang chan#bang chan#bangchan fluff#bangchan smut#bangchan stray kids#stray kids fic#stray kids smut#stray kids#stray kids bang chan#bangchan fic
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[˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗] 𝒢𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒞𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒔.﹙엔하이픈﹚(0.7k)
𖥔 fem!reader x enhypen ; good friends, crushing? ⸼જ Their reaction to walking in on you crying... ➤ reaction (angst, fluff) .ᐟ.ᐟ >none< .ᐟ.ᐟ
꒰🖇꒱ working on requests rn, but wanted to post something else first :3 enjoyyy
if you have any ideas or wishes let me know, requests are open
here's my [𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕]! ; [𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕] here! ; [about me] + [guidelines]!
reblogs appreciated
HEESEUNG
• hesitates at first, but then walks over quietly.
• softly calls out your name, making sure not to startle you.
• wrapping you in his arms before talking to you in a soft tone.
• tries to comfort you without asking too many questions, offering his presence more than words.
• will lightly touch your hand or shoulder, his way of showing support without overwhelming you.
• offers to stay with you until you’re ready to talk or calm down, never rushing you. ── ࣪˖ OTHER MEMBERS BELOW
JAY
• immediately notices something’s wrong but doesn’t react dramatically.
• takes a moment to assess the situation before speaking, using a calm and steady voice.
• stands nearby, giving you space but staying close enough to show he’s there if you need him.
“You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready, but I’m here.”
• gently rubbs your back while looking at you with a reassuring expression.
• might cross his arms or lean against something, a practical gesture showing he’s here for the long haul.
• will check in later, making sure you’re really okay after some time has passed.
JAKE
• his expression immediately softens when he sees you upset.
• says something light-hearted or casual at first, trying to brighten the mood but not too pushy.
• quickly finds a way to sit next to you, offering physical comfort, like a light pat on the back or shoulder.
“Want to go for a walk? Fresh air might help.”
• offers distractions like talking about his dogs or other things you both like.
• encourages you to open up in your own time but doesn’t press if you stay quiet.
SUNGHOON
• pauses when he sees you crying, unsure of what to do at first.
• approaches quietly, not saying much at the beginning, just sitting nearby.
“I don’t really know what to say, but...I’m here.”
• tries to make you feel less pressured, letting you have space to process your feelings without interference.
• will stay with you, even if it’s just sitting in silence for a while.
• when you’re ready to talk, he’ll listen carefully, but won’t push you to share more than you want.
SUNOO
• notices immediately and says something like, “Hey, what’s going on?” in a soft, concerned tone.
• takes a proactive approach, grabbing something comforting (like hot chocolate or tissues) without asking.
“You don’t have to hide it, you know. I’m here for you.”
• tries to bring light to the situation, but knows when to back off if you’re not in the mood for humor.
• gently reassures you that it’s okay to feel this way, offering words of comfort and a hug if you’re okay with it.
• will stay close by until you’re ready to feel better, offering warm, nurturing energy.
JUNGWON
• notices you’re upset and quietly approaches, sitting next to you without making a big scene.
• stays silent at first, giving you time to compose yourself before speaking, but already offering physical comfort (like gentle pats on your head or back)
“You don’t have to explain, but if you want to, I can listen.”
• his calm presence helps you feel grounded, and he’ll wait until you’re ready to talk.
• offers practical comfort, like breathing exercises or suggesting a short walk to clear your head.
• always patient, waiting for you to lead the conversation and assuring you that everything will be okay, step by step.
NI-KI
• freezes when he sees you crying, unsure of how to approach at first.
• might awkwardly clear his throat before quietly asking, “Uh...are you okay?”
• keeps a bit of distance at first, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, but watches you closely.
• tries to figure out if you need space or comfort, staying silent until you give him a cue.
“I’m not really sure what to do, but I want to help.”
• might suggest doing something fun together to lift your spirits, like playing a game or watching a funny video.
• offers his company in a subtle way, staying with you even if he’s not sure what to say, just so you don’t feel alone.
#🎐⏜ ۫ .𝜗𝜚 atzaurora#enhypen#heeseung#jay#jongseong#jake#jaeyun#sunghoon#reactions#sunoo#jungwon#ni ki#niki#riki#enhypen scenarios#enhypen writers#enhypen engene#enhypen reactions#enhypen imagines#enhypen oc#enhypen au#enhypen angst#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fluff#enhypen x reader#enhypen comfort#angst#fluff#kpop fanfic#kpop bg
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How do they feel about you - pac reading
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Pile 1
Pile 1 I'm sorry, the first thing I noticed was that my eyes kept forcing themselves to shut down for some reason it's like when you are thinking about someone and you sort of force yourself not to that's the vibe. I feel as if this person feels like you are walking away from this connection. I want to tell you that you are very brave for making this decision as I can see how stressed you look. Pile 1 might be extremely exhausted I heard "it's time to go" and had a vision of a clock tickling a brown one very light or dark academia core I think it was 9 o clock? I heard "i let go off what no longer serves me". This person has a victim complex they still that they are the victim here, the one who was wronged they are refusing to see the truth it reminds me of the first thing I mentioned while writing this the eye thing. This person self sabotages things and then cries about it. It's like someone is crying with their eyes closed to everyone that they are tied with rope and can't move but they don't realise that they are never tied in the first place. OML im so mad😭😭😭 this person has placed everything in your power I'll tell you what this is the kind of man who would NEVER plan ANY dates or anything and will ALWAYS say "we'll see" etc I'm so mad this person refuses to put any efforts and wants you to do all the WORK and they might also Gaslight you oh my pile 1 you are doing right throw this son of. A bitch away this made me mad too. Also for those who need it, the flower that you guys choose is lotus and the reason why lotus is my favourite flavour is because even while being surrounded by mud, it never loses it's beauty and goodness. I hope you remember that<3
Pile 2
i like this whoever this person is they might be really forgetful air signs if you are asking about a man ooo he good looking might have good eyes but dark circles I'm seeing a dark blue tshirt and very dim yellow lights is this a party no idea a libra is involved anyways this might be a new connection or you guys might be starting a new cycle. Also the second thing I got and I forgot to include was that whenever this person remembers you they might do it in a very pleasant manner it's like a bunch of people talking about you and all a sudden they'll be like "ooooooo xyz? Oh yea they're good they're nice they're very nice i like them" that's the vibe I'm seeing whiskey??? This connection has alot of raw potential only slowly unleashing or revealing itself now, you have the power to take this connection wherever you want it go rn. There are endless possibilities. Apples keep playing in my head SOMEONE STPP IT. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I feel like either they feel like this or its both of your energy but there's something about childhood trauma here I keep hearing something shattering like plates or glasses broken family and disharmony is what I heard. And this person might also think that you might be a loner or someone who just really enjoys their own company I had a vision of painting? I guess this might also be interpreted as this was a connection with alot of potential but past trauma kinda ruined shit for the both of you and if that's the case I'm so sorry to my pile 2
Pile 3
Someone here might speak like singing as in even while saying normal sentences you might say it in a very melodious manner something about singing also had a vision of a takeaway as in the window and vibing alibi started playing YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT UUST HAPPENEDNNOTONCE BUT TWIECE OKAY MY RUMBLR CRASHED OUT OF NOWHERE AND THEN OPENED AND I WAS SVARWD THAT MY 3NTIRE READING WILL BE WASTED BUTBIT GOT RESTORED AND THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN BUT AGAIN IT WAS RESTORED. Anyways for some of you something might have happened in this connection that destroyed it as in there was so much hope and light which all ended up in darkness for some reason "all this rage was once love" came to my mind and a very nice warming instrumental played in my head. This is a pile for a very few of you, you might be asking for a past connection. I think there is hope however there's also a need to let go off your emotional baggage in order to continue to connection or for anything. This person also feels this way, that you might have walked away or both of you did because of the unreleased trauma. I hope everything works out in your favour pile 3 <3
#astrology#astrology notes#astrology observations#vedic astrology#free readings#askgames#astrology asks#exchange reading#tarot pac#astrology chart#natal astrology#astro notes#astro community#astro observations#kpop astrology#sidereal astrology#vedicastrology#vedic astro observations#vedic astro notes#vedic chart#siderealastrology#sidereal chart#sidereal zodiac#free astrology reading#free psychic reading#free tarot readings#free tarot#pacreading#tarot pick a card#pick a card
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And now on to my first request 🙈
The dream I had was very vague and context was nonexistent so this is me trying to piece it together and make it make sense for a fic
Arranged marriage with Danny ricc😍 I guess mafia would work best with this? But either way is fine. not too long after the marriage so they’re still pretty awkward and shy with each other. Perhaps they’ve got slight googly eyes for each other but not obvious and he’s a sweetheart not trying to force anything.
Randomly one day she realizes she almost out of pads and it’s the heaviest day of her period😳 if it’s mafia I guess she could have asked one of the workers to buy some but she felt awkward so asked him to pick up some on the way home and he’s super nice and gets a whole goody basket filled with a bunch of stuff😩 and then cuz her cramps are so bad they cuddle for the first time🙉🙉 maybe him rubbing her belly and back are too fast but idk I’m just in need of some hardcore fluff rn😭😭 (the way I got off my period a few days ago and yet still can’t get this out of my head) (I had another idea as a continuation of this but forgot 😭😭) (sorry if this makes no sense 💀)
-🤠
cowboy, my love, i'm so sorry this took me so damn long. I was gonna save it for a potential series but I can't commit to another series rn lmao
Warnings: Period
Daniel Ricciardo didn't love his wife. That was upsetting, wasn't it? He had a wife and he didn't love her.
It wasn't that he married a girl he once loved and then fell out of love with her. No, he was never in love with her. He didn't even have a chance to fall in love before he was placing that ring on her finger.
Things were awkward between the two of them. That was bound to happen, though. As much as they wanted to, it was so damn difficult. Daniel was a busy man, being Max Verstappen's lackey.
So, they tried to make life work. There were a few short conversations before he was rushing off to do whatever work Max needed him to do.
There was one night where he walked into the house they shared. Daniel expected her to be asleep in the room she had to herself. She didn't know that Daniel often checked on her when he came back late from work, taking comfort in the fact that she was still there, was still okay.
This time, though, she was asleep on the sofa. The television had turned off after a couple of hours of inactivity and she was holding a cushion close to her chest.
Daniel put his things down. He shrugged off his jacket and carefully walked closer to her. He brushed some hair away from her forehead and scooped her into his arms.
She stayed asleep, face pressed against his chest as Daniel carried her to bed. He laid her down and pulled the blankets up to her chin before he backed out of the room. Sparing one last glance at her, he left her there.
They never addressed this little moment. If she was even aware of it, Daniel wasn't sure.
But then her period came around. It wasn't her first period since they'd been married. But this time, she had nothing. No pads, no tampons, no painkillers. (No sweet treats to ease her hormonal woes.)
There were staff in the house that she could have asked, but they hadn't spoken two words to her since the wedding. Well, that wasn't true. Mrs Mulch had marched into her room on several occasions to shout at her while giving her dinner.
That left one person she could call. Holding her cramping abdomen, she held her phone up to her ear as it rang.
"Hey," said Daniel when he picked up. "Are you okay?" She hadn't called him before; he'd started to wonder if he'd even given her his number. This was actually quite a relief.
"Daniel," she whispered, voice pained.
Panic flooded him. "What's wrong, honey?" He asked quickly, voice hushed just in case she was in danger.
She let out another cry, and it was like being stabbed in the heart. "I... my period," she sobbed.
He released a breath. She wasn't in danger; she was just on her period. Fuck, that was such a damn relief.
"Talk to me, honey."
Honey, when had he started calling her that? And why did it make her insides feel all gooey? "Danny, I-I used all of my pads last month and I've got nothing in the house and I've got no painkillers and I'm really craving chocolate."
She said it all so quickly that Daniel had a hard time keeping up. But he had it, and he was going to do what he could for his wife.
Apologising to Max, he left work and jumped into his car. Daniel sped through traffic with little regard for the law (something he didn't have to worry about when they were in Max's pocket). Daniel parked himself outside of the store, climbed out of the car and grabbed a basket as he headed inside.
Daniel bought enough pads to stock her up for a year (he thought, at least) and snacks. Chocolate and junk food, anything she could want while she was on her period.
But he forgot the damned painkillers.
Paying and rushing back to the car, Daniel made his way back to the house.
He walked towards her, laying on the leather couch as she put pressure on her abdomen. But it was doing so little to ease the pain. "Oh, honey," Daniel whispered as he walked over to her and dropped to his knees in front of her. He brushed her hair away from her sweaty forehead and brushed away the tears staining her cheeks.
He took her hand and helped her up. "Come on," He said gently, picking up the shopping bag and pulling her towards the bathroom.
Handing her the pads, Daniel left her in the bathroom. He put the snacks away in their respective cupboards and emptied a packet of chocolates into a bowl.
"Daniel," she began as she walked towards him. She seemed a lot more comfortable now that she wasn't... free flowing. "Did you get the painkillers?"
His face dropped. "Shit, honey, I'm so sorry," he said. "I completely forgot."
He went to move through the house, to get his keys and drive out to get some for her. But, before he could, she grabbed his arm. "Please stay," she squeaked.
Daniel gave a nod. He opened his arms and she fell against him. This was the closest they'd ever been, and Daniel loved it. He kissed the top of her head and walked her towards the couch.
He sat down and she sat with him. Taking one of his hands, she placed it on her abdomen and let out a sigh. They were big and warm and the way he moved his thumb over her skin was so damn soothing. "Thank you, Danny," she whispered and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
He ran his free hand through her hair. "No problem, honey."
#daniel ricciardo#daniel ricciardo imagine#daniel ricciardo x reader#daniel ricciardo fluff#daniel ricciardo x you#dr3#dr3 imagine#dr3 x reader#f1 imagine#formula one#f1 x reader#f1#formula one imagine#formula one x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#formula 1#mafia!f1#mafia!au
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Hello, Abby
I would like to request for a story about R and G!pWanda have financial problems, then they decide to be p*rn creators because they think it's the best way to earn money so fast. One day they set up the challage for their fans: who donate the most will be able to meet them and have dinner, which G!pNat happens to be the lucky one. Things are getting intense and Nat finally get to f*ck R while Wanda watching, dirty talking, and jerking herself off. Or they both f*ck R in both holes.
Thank you! I love all of your works❤️❤️❤️
The Lucky Winner
Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader, Wanda Maximoff x reader, WandaNat x reader
Word count: 3,148
Warnings: smut, threesome, public sex, punishment, jerking off, masturbation, cunnilingus, R and Wanda are porn stars, Wanda and Nat both have dicks, degrading, pet names, praising, jealousy, mentions of bisexual!R, slightly manipulative!Wanda, financial struggles, breeding, no protection, thinks that’s it!
No one is permitted to steal, copy, or reblog my work as their own!!
“Look, it’s all we can do right now! We can barely afford to eat, Y/N, would you rather fucking starve?” Wanda yelled, now standing from the table you sat at. The loud sounds of the pipes creaking and neighbors next door who were, once again, partying like college students.
“That’s not what I’m saying-”
“Then what? Why can’t we just do this, for us?” She spoke, a little softer this time.
“I want this money, Wanda, I do. I want to be able to go on dates or go out with friends or be able to have more than a meal a day, I do. But there are so many downsides too. I mean- what if one of our friends see it? Or better yet, our bosses! And how am I supposed to deal with the fact that I’m not the only one seeing your sexy body.” She stifled a laugh as you came to a close, a small pout forming on your lips. She grabbed both of your hands in hers, kissing the backs of them and kneeling in front of where you sat.
“Oh, baby, don’t cry.” She wiped the tears on your cheeks, you never liked arguing with her. “I know it won’t be easy, but just like you said, imagine all the dates we could go on. We’d get to live, not just survive. It will be weird at first, especially when we’re showing our bodies off to a bunch of horny dudes to jerk off to, but you just need to think of the outcome, love. I want to spoil you, but I can’t do that if we don’t do this.” She had always been so convincing and deceiving, some would call it manipulation, but you called it love. She loved you enough to worry about you and to want to get you both out of this mess. It was all for the money, you’d have to tell yourself, but you knew it would all be okay if you just had Wanda by your side through it all.
And that ended up being true. It had been almost a year since you two had started, and while she was telling the truth when saying it would be weird at first, you both eased into it over time. It had made you beyond the amount you could ever imagine from your old job, that you both decided to quit. You wanted more free time together, less stress. And with this job, you didn’t need to worry about your bank accounts any longer. You two had enough to get by and treat yourself a little bit at the end of each week.
In celebration of the near one-year mark of your shared account, you two had decided on what to do for your lovely fans. You thought of making a longer video, but realized that would’ve gotten boring for the audience. Then you thought about a live stream where your viewers could comment in the moment, telling you both what to do. Only to then realize some would be busy at work or in a different timezone, they wouldn’t be able to join.
Then it came to you, a competition. If you had multiple people bidding on one thing, it would bring in more money and would make it all the more thrilling and exciting for your fans. You brought the idea up to Wanda, hoping she’d agree, but she wasn’t always the best at doing so.
“Are you kidding me? You really think I’m gonna let you go on a date with some pervy old man who just wants to fuck you?”
“Wanda, we’d both be there. And it wouldn’t just be me getting fucked, it would be like a threesome, you’d be there too.” She looked at you dumbfounded, like you just told her you sold her house and kidnapped her dog.
“You really think some gross man would want to fuck me? I have a dick, Y/N, you should know that better than anyone else.” Your cheeks tinted the tiniest bit at her remark. But it was true, before you she was a virgin, as were you. And she hasn’t been with another person ever since she asked you out that one night, she’d be an idiot to do so.
“You never know, maybe it won’t be a man.” She sighed, massaging her temples as if she was handling toddlers.
“Okay, you’re really cute, Y/N, you are, but you don’t need to be a dumbass. 97% of our fans are males, and you think we’d somehow get that 3% of luck? Not to mention that it won’t be all of our fans so that percentage lowers. And not to mention they’re probably all broke, the highest bid will be a man, darling.”
“Ah, you said ‘will’! So, what do you say? We can get it over with and we’ll set some boundaries of what they can and can’t do, just to make sure we’re both more comfortable with the thought.” You gave her your best puppy-dog eyes in hopes she’d say yes, and while she did an amazing job at disagreeing with you, she was horrible at denying you.
“Fine. But, most of that money is going towards that new car I wanted, deal?” You nodded your head quickly, scaring her with your willingness to do such a thing. Creating the account was her idea at first, but you mostly ran the show now with your eagerness. It worried her sometimes, but it was so cute getting to fuck you in front of a camera with hundreds of thousands watching, knowing they’ll never get to touch. But now someone will, and she didn’t like that. But just like she had said at the beginning, it was all for the money. Oh, how she was starting to regret that statement.
“You ready, babe?” You were both standing outside of the restaurant, preparing yourself for a long night. You wore a red dress with a small slit at the end, your shoulders being on display with the loose spaghetti straps adorning them. Wanda wore black dress pants with a dark blue button-up, the top being unbuttoned just enough to barely get a glimpse of her bra.
“Of course, I am, darling.” She smiled, hoping it would convince you enough. It did, and you gracefully opened the glass doors, letting Wanda walk in a moment before you and then following.
“This guy better at least be cute if he’s fucking you. Wait- no, if he’s cute, I’ll kill him.” You chuckled at her possessiveness, rubbing her arm gently while you stood in line to ease her nerves.
“You know the only dick I want is yours, baby.” She grinned to herself, trying to hide her emotions as a worker came up to her, guiding her to where she would be sat.
You both sat there patiently as you waited for your third party to arrive, looking through the wine menu. The best part was that you didn’t need to look at the costs once, already having the whole thing covered by your generous tippers.
“Is this guy really standing us up?”
“Hey, if so, it sucks to be him.” The two of you were interrupted by a woman, who you at first thought must’ve been your waitress.
“Y/N and Wanda?”
“Uh, yes?” You both looked more than confused on how she knew your name, until it clicked in your brain on why you were even here in the first place.
“Perfect. I was your winner.” She sat down across from the two of you, who both had mouths parted slightly. She chuckled at your reaction before grabbing the menu, speaking in a calm yet unbelievably attractive tone. Wanda thought the same.
“I know, I bet you two were expecting a man.” You looked to Wanda to see her nodding, her eyes landing on the woman’s lipstick-covered lips.
“Well, I hope I didn’t disappoint.”
“No, not at all!” You spoke, a little too loud and causing an older lady from the other table to glance at you. You shyly looked down, rubbing the back of your neck and focusing your attention once again on the paper in front of you, even though you already knew what you were going to get.
“Awh, don’t get all shy on us now, baby,” Nat remarked, not seeming to care the way Wanda tensed up at her words. Her high heel grazed against your leg under the table, and the thoughts running through your mind were less than holy.
“So, Wanda, since this one is clearly a bit nervous right now, how did you two meet?” The conversation between them both went on for a few minutes until your waiter arrived, writing down everything you three asked of him, it was clear that he was new.
“Y/N? Why don’t you speak when you’re spoken to, alright?” Wanda said to you, muttering the words in your ear just loud enough for Nat to hear. She smirked, noticing the way goosebumps adorned your arms the more she spoke. You must not have heard what the two had said to you before, your thoughts being even louder than them.
“I’m sorry about them, they get a little shy sometimes.” You rested your hands in your lap, playing with your fingertips as the two spoke of you as if you weren’t even there.
“Oh, don’t worry, I think they’re just the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen.” She stared you down, biting her lip as she pictured how shy you’d be when she was in between your legs.
“You see, Y/N, I and your girlfriend aren’t so different after all.” That got both of your attention, watching with curiosity as she leaned back, and took a sip of her wine before speaking.
“In your…videos, you seem to just be a little cock-whore for Wanda. You’d do anything to get your mouth on her, you’re like an addict.” She started, humming to herself at the memories of the videos she had pleasured herself to many times, just wishing it was her fucking you instead. You were grateful for the loud tables near you, that way no one could hear the filth pouring out of her mouth.
“I wonder how addicted I can get you to mine in just one night.” Your eyebrows rose just enough for her to notice, a small laugh pooling from her mouth at you and Wanda’s shared reaction. She grabbed her purse from the table, standing up and giving you both her hand for you to follow. Wanda placed a hundred-dollar bill on the table and the three of you walked out. You guided her to the car that Wanda had been driving, letting her push you against the side as her lips connected with yours. Wanda watched, licking her lips and groaning when seeing her tongue slip into your mouth. You moaned, gripping the older woman’s arms as she held them by your head, refusing to let you go.
“Oh, Wanda, don’t be such a perv. If you’re going to watch at least help me a bit over here.” She kissed down your neck and to your exposed chest, smiling as it rose and fell rapidly. Wanda did as told, her hands running across your body like she’d never seen it before, but you all knew that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“That’s it? I’ve seen your videos, I know what you can do.” She looked around and Nat picked up on her worries.
“Really? You’re scared of people seeing you? Maybe you shouldn’t be posting your partner getting fucked by your cock every day then.” She gulped nervously, letting her fears slip away as she focused on you and your pleasure.
“Fuck, baby, I’ve been wanting to touch you since the day I saw you. Once I saw that offer, I knew I had to win. Then, I flew my private jet all the way over here, just so I could fuck you.” She pulled the small straps to your dress down your body, slowly letting the dress fall down your body as you were left bare in the warm night air. She dropped to her knees, grasping your thighs in her hands and pulling your hips forward.
“Ride my face, sweetheart.” You looked at Wanda for approval, only to see her palming herself through her pants. You looked back down at Nat, her hazy eyes staring into your own as you started a small, slow movement.
“I know you can do better than that, Y/N.” She mumbled against you, sticking her tongue out and letting you set your pace. You let out a deep breath, examining the parking lot that was completely empty besides for a few cars and the three of you. Your hips moved on their own as moans left you, your hands traveling to your breasts to tease them.
“Oh- yes! Fuck me, Natty, ruin me!” Wanda could feel a small pang of jealousy in her heart, but she couldn’t deny the act was so pleasurable.
“You like this, Wands?” You asked the woman, cupping her crotch and feeling the hardness through her slacks. “You like watching me getting fucked by someone else?” Your breath was ragged, and Wanda couldn’t stop herself from thrusting into your palm. She watched your hips rut against Nat’s face and whimpered, kissing you with full force to regain some sort of dominance. Nat moaned against you, and the vibrations are what tipped you over the edge. You shook in her hold, your hand clutching Wanda’s shoulder as you tried to get a hold of something.
“That’s it, such a good girl for me, love,” Natasha muttered against your skin, slowly standing up with your juices coating her tongue. She watched you depart from Wanda, a line of spit following after. Her fingers went to your chin, bringing you forward as you could taste yourself on her. Once she let you go, she did the same to your girlfriend, making out with her sloppily as she moaned at your taste.
“You’re such a slut, Wands, letting me fuck your girlfriend like that, don’t you have any dignity?” She stared into her eyes as she grasped your waist, pulling you close to her as you felt her bulge press against you.
“How pathetic do you have to be to get off to a stranger fucking your sweet little thing.” Wanda looked down in shame, but her hard-on proved otherwise. Nat laughed when noticing it, resting her hand on the bulge gently. For a moment, Wanda thought she would go easy on her, until Nat pulled her hands back to slap her covered cock. She mewled, thrusting into the pleasurable pain that Nat gave her.
“Look at this. Look at your pathetic girlfriend, Y/N, can’t believe you settled down for something like that.” You wanted to speak, you really did, but it was nearly impossible to do so. Nat unbuckled her pants, gripping your hand in her own and guiding it to the waistline of her boxers. You shuddered as you felt her, she had to have at least a few inches on Wanda. In a moment of confidence, you grasped her cock in your hands softly, letting it free from its confinements. You stroked her length, watching as her mouth twitched open and her eyes shut. You turned to Wanda, doing the same and relishing in the way they both chased after your hand. You ran your thumb over their tip ever so slightly whenever you got the chance, watching as they mumbled incoherently and panted against you.
“Mm, look who’s putty in my hands now.” You stated, licking your lips as pre-cum drooled out of both of their lengths. You wanted to taste them, but you wanted them inside of you at the same time.
“You act so tough, Natty, but in reality, you’re just a slut desperate for anyone’s touch.” You fired back, teasing her for all the degrading words she used earlier on. She whimpered, cupping your dripping wet cunt, teasing her fingers through your folds and teasing your clit.
“You get yourself off every day to two people fucking, just wishing someone would touch you the way I do. So instead, you waste thousands of dollars just to get your hands on someone, talk about pathetic.” Your lips quirked up, thinking you had her completely under your control. Oh, how wrong that was. She gripped your wrist harshly, slamming your front against the side of the car, your body being on display for the both of them. Natasha pressed her head against yours, her mouth next to your ear as she whispered,
“I guess being a nasty slut really is all you can fucking do.” Wanda stood next to her, her tip teasing your entrance before she slipped in with ease. You sighed contently when the head of her cock entered you, only to throw your head back when the rest of her joined. She shivered at your warmth, creating a slow pace of dragging herself in and out of you.
“You’re still mine, baby. You’re still my fucking bitch.” Wanda whispered against you, her head in the nape of your neck as Nat watched with her cock in her hand.
“Oh, God-”
“Yeah, I’m your God, baby.” Her teeth ran across your neck before pressing down, a whimper escaping your lips as you felt her tongue soothing the pain.
“Good girl, Wands, you’re fucking our girl so well.” She clenched her teeth at the word ‘our’, her jealousy overruling the coil in her stomach that had been building up.
“You gonna cum, Wanda? Hm? You gonna get our slut pregnant?” She nodded, unable to speak as she chased her high. You had already been on birth control ever since high school, so you didn’t need to worry about pregnancy, but it had always been a deep desire of Wanda’s. The fascination grew on you, and soon enough, you were begging her to cum inside of you every night.
“Oh- fuck! I-I’m-” She was cut off by her orgasm, her juices painting your walls white as your bit your lip to stop yourself from screaming.
You didn’t get to experience your high as, once Wanda had released, she was already starting to pull out.
“Wait-”
“Ah, ah, bad girls don’t get to cum, Y/N.” You were suddenly turned around, your body weak as your breath was too. You noticed a small gathering near the end of the street, they wouldn’t be able to see you from here but if they got any closer you would’ve been caught. The two of them seemed to notice this too and opened the door to the back seat for you.
“Now, put on your dress and get in the car. Me and Wanda want to fuck you properly this time.”
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