#but the horrificness of destroy always compels me

[urzfanclub]

that bit in synthesis where the crew on the normandy is the last group of people you see unaltered because the wave hasnt hit them yet!!!!!

[crisiscutie]

Okay the way I found your fanfic on ao3 (which I’m so absolutely hooked over btw read it in a day) and somehow I got myself fully immersed in all your different Sephiroth aus. Your writing is so 🥺 especially the way you capture their personalities to fit the struggles they’ve been through and just fits their own unique character. So far I’m loving Fluffy AU the most. I’m just curious what turned Fluffy Seph into a Yandere again. Like what triggered it? And I was also wondering since fluffy darling is stressed from yandere seph and sephs biggest fear was always losing fluffy darling to pregnancy complications how would he react if something were to happen after he finds her. Would he become crazier and go back to his original plans to destroy the world or would he become a better person. Thank you for your work!

What fanfic on Ao3? Could you link it? As for how Fluffy Sephiroth became "Fluffy", I partially alluded to this backstory in my most recent work with him in it here. I will write more about it, but I will explain it further in a meta context. Read more for the explanation or wait for when I write it, your choice.

The alternate Domestic AU is a bad path diverging from the regular, fluffy Domestic AU. Fluffy Sephy is at risk succumbing to his inner darkness and violent impulses, but his darling, who serves as his source of light, keeps those urges at bay. Sephiroth's mental state could greatly worsen if anything happens to his darling and/or children.

In the Alternate Domestic AU, some years after Darling gave birth to their triplet boys, she began to suffer from degradation, an unfortunate consequence from her SOLDIER past. Seeing his darling on the brink of death had already put Sephy on the edge. He tirelessly did what he could to find a "cure" for her until he made the fateful choice to return to Shinra to find what he needed. Let's just say he discovered his origins under even more distressing circumstances, given his heightened despair and anxiety. Hojo told him what exactly he COULD do to save darling, but it was no guarantee that it would save her (what a troll) since a perfect monster like him couldn't give his own cells away. After reaching his limit with the bastard, Sephiroth killed him and extracted a sample of JENOVA's cells to inject into his pregnant darling, all of which happened after his mandatory killing spree within Shinra HQ, of course.

It's a tragic situation, but I think it's in Sephiroth's character drive him do something like this for his darling, as his strong love for her and their children compels him, even if it means continuing the horrific cycle his father started. Sephiroth tells himself, who is the master of his world, it'd be different. But how different, really?

As for losing the darling in general to pregnancy complications, then the world will pay for it. It doesn't matter if it was a mere act of god that caused her to die, the world will know despair.

That woman is his anchor, his beacon of light, so help anyone and anything that takes her away from him.

Thanks for the ask, anon. It's a rather nice boost to my motivation and esteem. More discussions and questions like these on my blog would be greatly appreciated. Seriously, it's great when people ask about my works, it actually keeps me motivated to write more.

[vesemirsexual]

What is even more disappointing about how game!Ciri is written is that CDPR Can give us compelling and complex “ trauma and grief can cause you to repeat the cycle of violence” arcs for characters like Syanna and Lambert but apparently completely forgot what a huge part of Ciri’s character that is

the first time I played I thought she got amnesia as well because of how much of her fiery temper was toned down, and how her trauma is hardly mentioned ( and it's not like the characters in this game trauma are completely ignored it is talked about in some quests) I wanna see what she really would have done had she seen Emhyr again

I feel like game Ciri had two distinct groups they were aiming for: people who found Geralt even more appealing because of the fatherhood angle so they had to work his actual kid in AND hot girl fan service.

The thing is, if they gave her too much personality or depth, she wouldn’t have fit into these groups well and therefore people would’ve found her annoying and/or off-putting. People already do sometimes but not to the degree that they would’ve if they even BEGAN to touch on the absolute shitstorm that is Ciris psyche after everything.

Also realistically, they made the Witcher games centre about Geralt bc he appeals to their large majority male fan base: combatant, dark mysterious tragic past, ripped, attractive, fucks hot women, is a good guy while still also getting to do badass things and beat people up. If you look in depth at Witcher fans on different platforms when they talk about him, a lot of dudes are very much “oh my god he’s literally me”. Ciri could never be the focus because she wouldn’t appeal to that same group, and we know that every time a game is released people throw the weirdest bitch fits about female characters, especially main ones.

This is also why Ciri is made an attractive character, when realistically that tiny little facial scar they’ve given her is nothing, she’s spent her developmental years on the run/being attacked/under extreme stress so I honestly can’t imagine her being a tall skinny but also hourglass woman with one or two scars, and put her in a cropped shirt (such a bad choice it’s mildly hysterical).

I think Lambert and Syanna are also a really good example of how people handle angry traumatised characters too, because Lambert gets a lot more leeway than Syanna (and I say this as a big fan of both!) Like there are literally people out there and on this webbed site who say she is pure evil, one of the evilest people in the Witcher for being a fucked up mean trauma victim who hurt a Poor Little Meow Meow (Higher vampire with decades of life experience more than her, incredibly possessive, responded to emotional manipulation by violently attacking an entire city). Like Lambert literally brags about axii’ing a guy to shoot himself in the head with his own crossbow.

Ciri got done very dirty, but I see how and why it happened. Book Ciri deserves rights but unfortunately I think Games Ciri will always be how people perceive her, and therefore portray her in fic, art and other work predominantly (praying same doesn’t happen with TWN Ciri). We’ve been robbed of such a complex, angry young woman and I mourn it 🙏

Edit: I can’t even touch on the Emhyr thing because the fact she can reconcile with him is honestly mildly fucking horrific. Like even if they’ve removed the nasty ass incest factor, that man quite literally destroyed her entire world and was willing to do so further in order to get his way. The fact she can call him father in one ending is genuinely vomit inducing and so disrespectful to Ciri as a character (also the audacity to play down that Ciri literally sees Yen as her mama WHILE playing devils advocate for War McCrime is a whole choice).

[theboombutton]

Spoilers Ahead

OK let's talk about the lore implications of The Magnus Protocol episode 4's statement.

Timeframe

The Mannheim School was founded in 1741-1742; and the Royal Court of the Palatinate left Mannheim in 1778. This gives us a roughly 35-year timeframe within which which our violinist could have made his initial carriage journey to Germany - barring timeline differences.

This absolutely destroys my theory that the Fears arrived here from the TMA universe, found a universe without Fear, and broke through in East Germany during the Cold War. This episode firmly establishes that there were Fears in the Protocolverse in the late 18th century, and that they were well-established at the time - established enough to have a guy giving out cursed artifacts in the woods of Baden.

Were they the Archiverse Fears, that just happened to arrive earlier than I thought? Were they Protocolverse Fears? Were they Fears from yet another universe, escaped from their own Fearpocalypse?

The Fears

So this is a really fascinating statement because it seems to marry our old friend TMA Slaughter Classic, with whatever the fuck Ink5oul was doing in TMAGP episode 2, with just a mention of the Archivist-associated power to elicit an unintended confession.

The Slaughter connection I'm sure I won't have to argue - it's straight out of TMA. In fact, it's so straight-out-of-TMA that to me it suggests that this is almost certainly the Archiverse's The Slaughter. If we were dealing with an artifact of a different universe's Fear of violence, I wouldn't expect it to be so connected to music. There's nothing about music that inherently connects it to horrific violence, and yet Bardwell jumps out of a carriage and dashes his skull on the rocks because of what seems an awful lot like the Piper's Song. Violin Audrey Two goes full Grifter's Bone when it's unable to get blood.

The interesting part though is that these incidents are the exception to the rule of the violin's favor. At first it seems happy to make small, flesh wound mutilations of its player, which doesn't sound like the Slaughter at all. Yes, he moves on to serial killing, but it's a very methodical, planned kind of violence - not at all what I'd expect from the Archiverse Slaughter. And the theme of an artist mutilating themselves in service of their art seems very similar to Daria in Protocol episode 2.

Of course, the art connection might just be a coincidence. There is a disproportionate amount of art about art and artists, just because it's high on the list of things artists tend to think about. It's the same reason there's not a whole lot of art about septic tank maintenance*.

I doubt it, though.

Here's my working theory: I think there are at least two universes' Fears at work here, and there wasn't enough room in the Fear-Space for two full sets of entities to represent and feed on essentially the same fears. So they got smooshed together.

The Archiverse Slaughter got smooshed with a close equivalent - a fear that included Archiverse-style violence, yes, but also included a significant element of self-harm, and was culturally wrapped up with artistic performance in the same way that the Archiverse Slaughter was wrapped up with the sound, but not always the performance, of music. The Smooshed Slaughter teeters between its aspects, showing one face or the other depending upon the situation.

OK but what was with the Archivist powers?

idk tbh. I can think of two theories, neither of which I find particularly compelling:

The guy in the woods wasn't actually an avatar. Instead, he was a Salesa type, a distributor of supernatural trinkets. He had some kind of artifact of the Eye on him that gave him archivist compulsion powers.

All of the Archiverse Entities were changed by their time under the rule of the Eye, so being strongly-enough touched by an Archiverse Fear gives you mild Eye Powers for free.

Augustus

Yes I know everyone thinks this is Jonah, and I admit there is a good chance it is Jonah. But I don't like it, and I hold out hope that it isn't.

Personally, I like the idea that the Fears were specifically attached to the voices that told the stories in TMA, in which case Jonah wouldn't have been dragged along; but, if it was based purely on the physical presence of the people in the top room of the Panopticon, then yes, Jonah could have been brought along. To our knowledge nobody ever went after Jonah's body down in the labyrinth, so his eyes would presumably have been left alive in Elias's head for like, the whole episode.

I still hold out hope that Augustus is an Archivist-equivalent from another universe that also went Fearpocalypse and also released its Fears to the multiverse. While I'm pretty certain we're dealing with two sets of Fears here, possibly combined into one set of Smooshed Fears, I'm not at all certain that the non-Archiverse Fears are originally from the Protocolverse.

Conclusion

It's 3 AM and I have to go to bed. I think I've properly scheduled this to post an hour after the episode drops; if I'm wrong about the episode timing and accidentally spoil someone, I'm very sorry.

---

* yes I know there's septic tank dive fetish photos, I said "not a whole lot" not "none whatsoever."

[dracomort]

I find ttc to be such an enjoyable fic because while it has the exact amount of sweet shit and plot moves that I like in a fic, there’s always- at least for me- a mild sense of discomfort around Tom because he continues to feel like a ticking time bomb. I do think Draco is stuck with him for the rest of his life- no matter whether Tom turns into a dark lord or not- because Tom would probably make his life hell if he tried to leave- and I don’t think Draco is a strong enough individual to willingly make himself completely alone in the world. He didn’t even leave when he found out Tom was the same man who’d ruined his life already. So when Draco and Tom are happy with each other, there’s always this sense of ‘does Draco have any option of not being happy with Tom?’ And when Draco disapproves of something, it doesn’t really stop Tom from doing it anyway. While he loves Draco, he loves himself more. I think the happiest iteration of them is probably one where Tom turns into a dictator minister of magic rather than a dark lord, like it happens so often in Tom ship fics. But even in that, will Tom just let Draco die? Can Draco even make a horcrux? Even if they decide to use the philosopher’s stone, would Draco even want to live forever, and grow weaker and older while Tom remains the same?

Does he have any real choice in doing differently?

in so many ways, reading ttc is a delight because it never feels like there’s a true happy ending for taco.

Thank you! And you're spot on.

As with the folktale of the same name (Bluebeard), our new bride—or, in this case, groom—stumbles upon bloody, horrific truths about their husband. But unlike the folktale, Draco has no one to rescue him from his fate. Luckily Tom isn't offing lovers (er, unless Hepzibah counts), so Draco is relatively safe. But you can't stuff those skeletons back in the closet, as much as Draco would like to. I think "what if Draco wants to leave?" will always be the most difficult question to answer while keeping with the tone of the fic series lol.

There's always going to be a question when it comes to how far Tom will go. One of the ideas I had in mind while writing was that I don't think people (especially people like Tom) ever really change who they are substantially and, if they do, they would need to do it for themselves, not a partner. One of Tom's biggest problems is that he'll pursue the things he wants even if they destroy him. He doesn't have a strong grasp of what he actually needs.

From a plot and romantic genre perspective, it's important to me that the conflict comes from within the relationship. Of course, I want to make a compelling argument for why these characters are compatible, but on the other end, them finding the things they'll never align on and figuring out how to love each other anyway is one of the things I want most from a romance.

[bookoftheironfist]

Hi! I was thinking offhand about the IF Netflix show this morning and figured I ought to get the opinion of an expert — the fanon Danny characterization that I’ve seen in people’s fics (basically a goofy and oblivious golden retriever) seems a bit different from what I saw in the show, but I also know next to nothing about the personality of the character in the comics. Are the three of them distinct (comics, show, fanon) or would you say there’s similarities between them? Is there anywhere in particular that the fanon characterization seems to come from, in your opinion?

Hi, it's great to hear from you! I love this question.

First of all, I am contractually obligated to gesture in the direction of my big ol' Iron Fist reading guide, if you do happen to have an interest in checking out some comics...

I don't read fan fiction myself, so I can't really comment in an informed or specific way on how he tends to be written or conceptualized by the MCU fan community at large, but I have heard MCU Danny described as a "golden retriever" before and I think I have the general gist. I don't have any problems with that-- Danny is very sweet and endearing and kind, and this is true in the comics as well. There is also a whole lot more going on with him, though, at the heart of which is the fact that he has been shouldering massive amounts of trauma in most of his MCU appearances so far, some of it (if we look, for instance, at Danny in The Defenders) very recent. (In this regard, the treatment of his character in The Defenders drove me a bit nuts. Yeah, okay, let's repeatedly tease and belittle the guy who's just had his home destroyed and his people massacred by the villains and then physically prevent him from getting any closure. Aren't team-ups fun?)

Anyway, to answer your question, I don't see much of a difference in personality between comics Danny and MCU Danny. This is a situation in which context is key, and one of the things I've always found so compelling about Danny as a character is the fact that while he is capable of great kindness, positivity, generosity, and affection-- and is, to me, one of the least emotionally constipated male superheroes out there-- he is also capable of immense darkness, hatred, and violence. Danny has an exceptionally horrific origin story in the comics: at the age of nine, he gets dragged high into the mountains on his father's desperate bid to return to K'un-Lun, where his father is then murdered and his mother eaten alive by wolves. Having barely escaped with his own life, Danny finds a new home and family in K'un-Lun, but he has been transformed by his experiences and becomes razor-focused on the one goal that matters most to him now: killing Harold Meachum, the man responsible for his parents' deaths. When ten years pass and the portal to Earth reopens, Danny is faced with a painful choice: to remain in his beloved K'un-Lun and put aside his desire for vengeance, or to leave in pursuit of Meachum and be locked out of the city for a decade. As much as he wants to stay, and as much as his mentors insist that this revenge quest will destroy him, the rage and trauma that have been festering in him all this time are too much for him to ignore. Nineteen-year-old Danny storms back to New York City, haunted and out for blood.

His personality in these first issues is rigidly serious, emotionally locked off, driven, bitter, and quick to anger. Even when his revenge quest fails and he decides to let his parents' killer live, he comes out of it lost and broken, homesick for K'un-Lun and unsure of who he even is on Earth and what kind of life he could possibly build there. His answer comes through the friends he makes-- Colleen Wing and her father, Misty Knight, Rafael Scarfe, Luke Cage, the Sons of the Tiger, and so on-- who extend kindness and love to him and give him a place to belong. As this happens, Danny's personality softens. There's a key moment that I think beautifully illustrates the beginning of this shift. Danny gets invited to play some casual softball with Rafael Scarfe and his team, and ends up getting knocked on his butt. His first reaction is to feel angry and humiliated. But then he does something nobody expects. He laughs:

"You hear laughter as you hit the ground, and for a moment, it angers you...after all, you have been made to look the fool... So what? It won't kill a man to look foolish among friends. And you do look...funny." Scarfe: "I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. The great stone face finally cracks up. I dunno, Daniel Rand. After all Lee* told me about you, I didn't think you had a giggle in you. Nice to see I was wrong." Marvel Premiere #24 by Chris Claremont, Pat Broderick, Phil Rache, Vinnie Colletta, and Karen Mantlo *(Lee is Colleen Wing's father, who was employing and keeping an eye on Danny at this point.)

The reason I've been focusing specifically on early 616 Danny here is because this is largely the context in which we have seen MCU Danny so far. He is, relatively speaking, barely out of his origin story, and while many of the details differ, MCU Danny and 616 Danny still have similar origins and similar emotional responses to them. (In the years since the show first aired, I've seen people try to claim that MCU Danny was out-of-character in the first season, and while out-of-character-ness is, of course, up to interpretation, I tend to take this opinion as an indication that someone has only read modern Iron Fist comics. To me, season 1 was very obviously drawing from the original Marvel Premiere issues in its tone, themes, and approach to Danny's personality.) What's very neat to me about MCU Danny is that due to the changing of one small detail, the structure of his origin story was completely flipped. In the comics, he watches Harold Meachum kick his dad off a cliff and abandon him and his mother in the mountains. He knows exactly what happened to his parents, and he knows exactly who is responsible, and so his trauma response has drive and a target. For this reason, the very first version of Danny we meet in the comics is angry and serious, battle-hardened and focused on his mission to the exclusion of all else. It's only afterward that his character, over time, morphs into the lighter, more relaxed Danny with whom modern readers are most familiar. He still has that darkness and rage inside of him-- the 2014 Living Weapon series, for instance, was all about revisiting that aspect of his character-- but modern Danny is, on the whole, in a place that reflects the tremendous character arc he has traveled over the past 50 years.

The show, though, changes a key detail of the story: Danny's parents die in a plane crash, murdered by Harold from a distance. I wasn't too disappointed or even really surprised by this change (when that first teaser trailer dropped, my co-blogger and I went, "yeah, makes sense"). Live action tends to highlight concept weaknesses that are more readily allowed suspension of disbelief in the comics, and a plane crash feels a bit more rational than Wendell Rand taking his young child for a fun jaunt through some of the harshest terrain on the planet. Of course, all of the Netflix shows made all kinds of origin story changes, some of them for no apparent reason and to what I'd consider to be the detriment of the stories (here's my co-blogger and I griping about some of the strangest changes made to MCU Matt Murdock's origin, for instance, if you're interested). But what impressed me so much about this change to Danny's backstory is that they didn't then just carry on as if the change hadn't been made. The showrunner/writing team actually thought through what it would mean for the rest of the story, and what it meant was this: With Harold not obviously involved, Danny does not know that his parents were murdered. He is burdened with the same degree of grief and trauma, but without anyone to blame, with no outlet for his emotions, no goal to strive toward for closure. It means that he initially has no revenge quest. When we first meet MCU Danny, he is suppressing a lot of harmful emotions (I mean, a lot a lot), but he is also hopeful, because he comes to Earth not to murder a guy, but looking for healing and seeking to reconnect with the Meachums: beloved extended family that he has not seen in fifteen years, welcome remnants of a life he can barely remember. He is in an optimistic frame of mind, thus allowing us to see that trademark happy, dorky Danny who we don't meet until much later in the comics (that first link offers a direct contrast between Danny walking into the Meachum building in the comics versus the MCU, so it's worth checking out).

And then! Things immediately go horribly wrong. Danny is naive, out of his element, and easily manipulated. He gets psychologically brutalized by the Meachums, by Madame Gao and the Hand, eventually by Davos, he discovers more and more of the details surrounding the crash, he begins to spiral, his suppressed emotions break free, that darkness and rage come forth, and the story of Iron Fist season 1 climaxes with the realization of the revenge quest that was always bubbling beneath the surface. That glimpse of happy, well-adjusted Danny is gone, consumed by the grim, dangerous, extremely unhealthy Danny more familiar to Marvel Premiere readers. One major difference to note is that there's something uncontrolled, almost feral about MCU Danny at his absolute worst, symptomatic of the fact that he has been actively repressing these emotions, while 616 Danny spent ten years honing and focusing them. I find that distinction really interesting.

Having defeated Harold Meachum and found closure for his parents' deaths and peace for his identity struggles (I haven't talked much about those, but I've written a lot about them in my coverage of Iron Fist season 1, so feel free to go check that out), we see that default happier, hopeful, peaceful Danny return. This moment always brings me immense joy:

(I can't overstate my love for this tiny scene. Here's Danny at his most carefree, finally returning home, ready to plunge back into his training, accompanied by someone he loves. That's my guy: distilled.)

However, Danny barely has time to heal before he is shattered again by the...whatever the heck happened to K'un-Lun (this plot point was never, ever clarified, and I'm sad about it! Augh! Marvel!!). In the post about The Defenders that I linked waaay back at the beginning of this post, I point out that Danny's traumatic flashbacks to his parents' deaths get replaced by nightmares of K'un-Lun's destruction, a new source of trauma overlaying the old. In The Defenders, Danny's personality is perhaps closer to that of his Marvel Premiere counterpart. He is no longer out-of-control berserker raging; now, his grief and anger are focused. He knows his enemy. He knows what they did (maybe? Augh...). He knows what he must do to them to avenge his people and correct his perceived mistakes. But at the same time, he is still open to building friendships and connections, even longs for it (he has lost so many of the people in his life, he has been betrayed so many times...He and Colleen are alone at this point). He forms a bond with Luke (of course), once they are able to put aside their own demons enough to listen to each other. His interactions with Luke are very reminiscent of his first interactions with Colleen in IF season 1, in which he sees someone he thinks is cool and interesting and goes "Friend. Friend, yes? Friend?" (This isn't really a thing in the comics, but it's a cute feature of MCU Danny that also underlines how desperately he needs human connection. In the comics, his Found Family(ies) just kind of happens organically. In the MCU, Danny seeks out those bonds.) Something else that pops out strongly in Danny's personality in The Defenders is an admiration for his teammates, carrying on from his open admiration for Colleen's skills in his solo show. Danny in the comics is a kung fu mega nerd. He's a perfectionist when it comes to combat and will openly criticize his enemies for sloppiness or lack of skill, but the flip side of this is that he also has tremendous respect for and interest in the skills of others and is just as quick to offer complements. I love this about him and was delighted to see it show up in the MCU.

Luke Cage season 2 and Iron Fist season 2 see MCU Danny move toward that more modern sensibility for his character; they feel very much like the Iron Fist/Power Man and Iron Fist volume 1 era in the comics, in terms of both his personality and the direction of his life (apart from the end of IF season 2, which I don't feel I can cover properly here because it still just makes me go "???!?!"). With more stability, we get to see more sides of Danny that we haven't seen since the very beginning of his solo show, before his life went to hell-- the side that is open and friendly, that gifts Misty Knight her bionic arm, that is eager to spar with Luke, the side that is settled enough in himself to offer advice to others. We see Danny enjoying having a job-- not as a Hero for Hire in this universe, sadly, but working for a moving company, earning an honest living. We get to revel more in one of my favorite things about early Danny: his naïveté and unfamiliarity with Earth. This Danny is smiley, a little bit mischievous, open and caring to a fault. We see him reveling in what he does best: using his skills, kicking some butt, being the best there is at what he does (sorry, Wolverine). In Iron Fist season 2, we also see Danny connecting with his Iron Fist identity, really connecting with the chi of Shou-Lao for the first time in a way that makes him feel empowered. Danny's relationship with his role as Iron Fist, and with the city of K'un-Lun, is rocky and tumultuous in the show and even moreso in the comics, but it also means everything to him and brings him comfort and pride and a sense of grounding. With Iron Fist season 2 existing alongside the Luke Cage team-up episode, we also get a great example of something that is notable in the comics as well, which is a distinction between the way Danny is written in his solo series versus in team books, particularly in the modern era. In team-ups and cameo appearances, he tends to be comic relief, a bit more lighthearted, a bit goofier, while in his solo stories, faced with problems that are personal and strike deep, and where we are closer to his POV, he tends toward being more introspective, serious, troubled. This is to be expected, but is still worth noting in all discussions of Danny's personality. He exists on a spectrum, just like any other character.

This post is so long, and it feels like there are still a million more things to say. But I will, I think, end it by emphasizing that one of my favorite things about Danny is the breadth and depth of his personality, and one of my greatest joys regarding the Netflix shows was seeing a character I adore explored further, in a new medium and a different context, while still aligning with the same basic set of recognizable personality traits. Danny Rand is a hardcore, deadly martial artist who wields immense power and a soft, kind sweetheart who loves his friends and would do anything for them, or for anyone else for that matter. He killed a dragon with his bare hands, and he's so, so bad at business. He's straightforward and confident-- he's one of the best fighters in the entire Marvel Universe and he knows it, not as a boast but simply as a fact. He's a tangled, self-questioning mess, trying to find his way as an Immortal Weapon in the Capital Cities of Heaven and as a superhero on Earth and frequently failing. He's honest and sincere. He's a bit awkward. He's curious, a lifelong student (as all the best martial artists are). He's fearless. He's a huge dork. He transformed a skyscraper into a giant chi-powered mech to punch a god one time. He got his identity stolen by a sentient plant one time. He teaches little kids kung fu, and is an eager mentor to his protégé Pei and a kickass uncle to Luke and Jessica's daughter, who they named after him. He's a philanthropist and a Hero for Hire, and Rolling Stone named him the 77th Hottest Avenger. And while we were unfairly robbed of the time to explore every facet of MCU Danny's character, we were nevertheless gifted a wonderful range of stories and a powerful character arc (Shou-Lao willing, someday the MCU decision-makers will take their eyes off Charlie Cox long enough to remember that the other Netflix Marvel shows also exist and we'll get to see more of this version of Danny). And my hope for people writing Danny into their fan fics is just to remember his complexity, to keep in mind the forces that shaped him, and to have fun with how multifaceted and strange and unique a character he is. And if you or anyone else is ever looking for an Iron Fist nut to chat with, I'm always up for, um...writing extremely long posts about my guy.

Thank you for the question!

[twinsarekeepers]

Let me preface this by saying, I’m a pre-med student who works in a psychology lab as a research assistant and has also worked in a doctor’s office with actual patients. A lot of my opinions about this ending are informed by that aspect of myself, but that does not mean I don’t understand the incredible weight and horror of Joel’s decision either. I am also a writer and the narrative of a parent’s love being that destructive is so compelling.

However, it’s not more important to me than making sure people know how egregiously terrible the Fireflies are. Because the logic that something can morally outweigh informed consent is what has led to some truly horrific, catastrophic events in our REAL human history. Henrietta Lacks, the Tuskegee study, and the CIA’s fake vaccination drive in Pakistan come to mind immediately for me. These are all events that I encourage everyone to learn about.

Putting all that aside for now, objectively, Jerry Anderson was stupid and wrong in every way possible. You never ever want to completely destroy the subject you are working on, ESPECIALLY if that is the only one you have. Because wtf are you going to do if your experiment doesn’t work? You killed the one source! Literally anything would’ve been better than KILLING ELLIE?? Killing her should be the very last resort after exhausting every other possible avenue, which they didn’t. (Before someone tells me that I need to suspend my disbelief … no. The whole show is rooted in realism and that this is a possibility SCIENTIFICALLY … so I’m going to think about it with my science brain, I’m sorry!)

Now onto the part that I know y’all are going to get your panties in a twist about, Ellie herself and her capacity to give consent. Which in my opinion, coming from someone whose literal job it is to get informed consent, she did not have.

Bodily autonomy and agency is obviously very important but you would never let your child run into oncoming traffic because “oh, it’s their body and I’d be violating their autonomy and agency if I physically held them back!!” Like no. That’s a child that doesn’t fully grasp what they are doing or what is going on around them so you as the adult must make the decision to not let them harm themselves.

Ellie is a slew of red flags to someone who would be searching for participants for an experiment. For one, Ellie is a child. Getting informed consent from a child is already hard because their brains are not developed enough to fully grasp and understand what they’d be agreeing to. Two, Ellie has gone through immense trauma and is suffering from the worst case of survivor’s guilt to possibly ever exist. She literally feels like the only way to compensate for her loss is to die. She is the definition of passively suicidal. The way I would rule her out of a study so fast and send her links to every helpline I know. And yes, I know that she can never actually get the help she needs. But in my opinion, she is not in any way able to give consent and Jerry and nurses should’ve been very aware of that.

So, the fact that the Fireflies are just medically inept, and on top of that, didn’t care to get consent, and even if they had, it wouldn’t matter because Ellie is not in a position to be making that kind of decision, makes them very, very wrong.

Does that make Joel right? No. Because Joel wasn’t thinking about any of that. He believed that the Fireflies knew what they were doing, that they had a shot at making a cure and he also knew what Ellie would want (again, she’s still not a position to give consent but JOEL DOESN’T KNOW THAT BECAUSE HE’S NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL) and he still chose to save Ellie over … the entire world. And then he lied to her about it.

(And the lie was to protect her emotionally because he knows she takes on so much blame and he doesn’t want to cause even MORE damage and pile on top of that insane survivor’s guilt … but lying to a teenager is never the way to go, they always know).

TLDR: it is very, very complicated!

[mejcinta]

As someone who joined the hotd fandom recently (its a shitshow lmao), and has read many funny (albeit a bit toxic) discussions, I think it's hilarious that, just like his brother, Lucerys Velaryon (I had to search his name because I don't know their names lmao) is often only mentioned/relevant in the discourse when the topic is about his obvious bastardy, his horrific action of maiming a child (and not being apologetic about it), his accidental death (which, I'm sorry, but the moment his tiny dragon attack a war hardened giant dragon, I knew he was fucked, literally fuck around and find out, this kid), or the need to propped Rhaenyra up for the morality ranking bs. Like, the greens gets so much discussion about their dynamics with each other, as well as their personality, despite having less screen time. But Lucreys, the only gist I could get from both teams is that, he was a bully (but he was a child uwu) then struck a kid with a knife in a 4 vs 1 fight (he was trying to protect his brother uwu), wasn't punish for it, was heir for driftmark, and that's about it. Like, the closest hint of personality I could find was him admitting he wasn't ready to inherit driftmark, and being an awful human by smilling unapologetically towards Aemond but other than that I see nothing? But a plankwood, a literal npc that occasionally says something and has to stand next to Rhaenyra, looking like he shat himself. Like, I could've been more sympathetic towards him but nah my man is boring af and that godawful smile at the dinner scene still pissed me off lmao. LMAO, sorry about this rant but I saw a post claiming that they took Lucberys traits and gave it to Aemond and, say, even in the book, there's no mention of anything about his traits? The show tried their best to give him one but made Luchekrys even more bland and annoying lmao.

Urgh! When will people stop being envious of Aemond?

You see, something I've observed about the writing on Team Black is that it suffers terribly from a case of favoritism.

Yes, you can love something to the point of utterly destroying it!! Just like you can spoil a favorite child to the point of serious illness by giving them too much candy.

The writers WANTED the audience to favor team black, and so ended up making them the most boring, upstanding people in an asoiaf show, WHILE sugar coating and making excuses for every single wrong thing they did!!! There are no evident consequences for their actions (everything bad that happens to them is someone else's fault), but what i find more annoying is you will never find team black characters acknowledging their shortcomings or explaining their actions. THEY JUST DO AS THEY PLEASE, and any inconvenience they face is a plot against them...certainly NOT the fruit of their labors.

None of that shit is realistic. We all know for a fact that people like these in real life are the most insufferable and stuck up pieces of shit to live with!

Team Green benefit from more organic writing. Their flaws are acknowledged, even by themselves. They're imperfect people trying their best to get by, trying to change and failing, forced in a corner that they must fight their way out of and harboring ambitions that they often fail to achieve. They struggle as a family, they fight a lot, but by the end of the day they understand that they need to work as a unit to ensure their survival.

ALL OF THIS IS HUMAN, REALISTIC AND UNIVERSAL. What makes a character compelling is showing their inadequacies, making them acknowledge their inadequacies, making them fail, making them win at a cost, making them fight, making them struggle.

Characters that easily get what they want and whose actions can always be excused are boring, boring, boring.

It is ironic that even with all the excessive vices the writers added on Team Green's plate, they only wound up making them more fascinating and worth talking about.

I really can't say the same about Team Black. Daemon is the only thing happening for them because they let him be controversial, just like the Greens.

Long rant, but you can see why Lucerys comes nowhere near being as interesting or layered as Aemond and the rest of the Greens.

His fans can complain all they want, but the fault ultimately lies with the writers, who diluted these characters in efforts to make them the perfect protagonists.

And I don't think much will change in s2.

[houseofpurplestars]

‘My Heart is Broken’

By Dr. Soma Baroud

After losing my home, I felt broken. Humiliated. I have never experienced this feeling before.

For months we waited for the Israelis to leave Khan Yunis, so that we could sprint back home. But now, there is no home to run back to. Our mornings, which used to be filled with the potential of good news, are now empty. Our loss is complete.

My son never wanted to leave the house in the first place. He felt rooted there. His bond with the place was different from the rest. He cared for the trees daily, counting the days to olive harvest and the date season. He planted mint and basil. He protected everything he planted from the elements.

When the war started, he did everything he could so that we didn’t feel compelled to leave the house, and abandon the goats, the chickens and the trees. He even managed to generate some electricity using solar panels and fetched fresh water from a nearby mosque.

But when the Israeli army took over Khan Yunis, we had no other option but to leave. We returned to the house every time we had a chance, only to see it deteriorate, day after day: Shells exploded in the backyard; olive branches shattered; dead chickens and goats; broken windows and doors.

Every time we returned home, I would fall into a deep depression. But then the children would remind me that all could be restored, as long as the house itself remained standing.

The last time we returned, it was in its worst shape yet. The doors were gone, the windows fully shattered or broken, and even the balconies had collapsed under the weight of the bombs. Our kitchen was destroyed, even our clothes were removed from the closets and torn to pieces. I couldn’t sleep, but the kids kept reminding me to remain grateful, that our loss was not as bad as others, that there was still hope.

But now .. What can I say? Oh, my heart aches. Everything is gone. Three decades of life, of memories, of achievement, all turned into rubble.

This is not a story about stones and concrete. It is much bigger. It is a story that cannot be fully told, however long I wrote or spoke. Seven souls had lived here. We ate, drank, laughed, quarreled, and despite all the challenges of living in Gaza, we managed to carve out a happy life for our family.

Here we celebrated birthdays and holidays, broke our fasts in Ramadan, and entertained friends. This was the same place from which our kids completed their studies, excelled in universities, and from which some of them left after celebrating their weddings. Some of them have succeeded in their lives, and others are still trying, but it all started from here, from this heap of rubble and broken dreams.

I know that life does not always go the way we plan, or hope. But after all of this, this horrific war, all I had hoped for was to simply go home, and sleep. I mean truly sleep as I haven’t slept for nearly a year.

I had kept everything that reminded me of the kids as they grew up. Scraps of old papers with their handwriting as children, old drawings, and even gift wrapping from past birthdays. It was all kept there, classified, categorized, cherished.

The very details of the life of my husband, who was martyred or remains missing, only God knows, were all there. I wanted to keep everything exactly where he left it before the war.

I told the children that no matter what happens, don’t remove anything that reminds me of your father. Keep them exactly the way he placed them before he was gone.

Now, everything else is gone as well.

I want to stop. I don’t know how.

Oh, how my heart is broken …

[llycaons]

ep15 (part 1): compels me though

starting off, sect leader yao gets such a bad rap in fics because he'a annoying/a symbol of mindless agreement with the popular opinion, but it seems a bit mean to me. the dude got really badly hurt to protect his guys

oh, wwx. poor sweet naive wwx. it's wild to think he once had faith that the JIN clan would be on the side of justice here

honestly I find this a very stupid pretext to get jfm out of LP. there is no need for him to personally go in such tense times, and no need for jyl to go with him

GIRL DISCIPLES! OH BOY!

myu in this episode is so fascinating to me. I don't think it's a stretch to say she genuinely cares about jfm even though she treats him like garbage. those two things can, and often do co-exist. she expresses her affection sideways because...what, she's embarrassed? because she's as emotionally repressed as adult jc is? because jfm would refuse it? he doesn't look very happy hearing that she's packing him something to help him. he looks resentful, if anything. man, this family is screwy

look at her being concerned and protective over her daughter! she may be villainized in a lot of scenes but honestly most fics I've read don't capture the balance between 'shrieking, cruel, bitter harpy' and 'genuinely concerned mother and wife'. the area between those two extremes is massive and I don't know that many fan works bother to explore that space without just redeeming her and pretending like she never did anything wrong, or saying 'deep down she loved them all so it's okay'. it's like they worry if they show a scrap of care or humanity then they're excusing everything else she did. but I don't agree. she has nuance but that doesn't mean she's not a horrible mother, and in real life it's not like (most) abusive parents are screaming criticisms and attacking their kids 100% of the time anyway

the way everyone talks about LP in this episode hurts me. 'our Lotus Pier" from wwx "my home" from jc "my Lotus Pier" from myu. interesting 😭

oh dammit. I talked so much about how the wens would have attacked anyway and jc and myu were wrong to blame wwx only for it to be a personal grudge anyway. fuck. well wen chao's actions still aren't wwx's fault and even if they were he did enough to pay it back tenfold

...which is probably the facts that jc has to grapple with post-gc reveal. fuck

so mean to him

ppl like to talk about jc protecting ww from dogs (and he does, in the past) and a certain type of fan seems to think that because jc used to be like this, it means he still is, deep down. he is not. by the postres inn scene with fairy, he clearly is not

I've said that jc never changes, but that's a lie. he becomes so much worse. I grieve for this kid

oh huh. wwx being trapped at LP isn't ever anything that's rly talked about in fics bc LP signifies youth and innocence and happiness and freedom but here it is. wwx suspects he's being spied on by myu too, which 😬

jc's panic and anger vs. wwx's cool, clearheaded response and reminder. jc is really not suited to leadership I feel so bad for him

THIS SCENE FUCKS SEVERELY. it's everything ramped up to 100. it's one of my favorite sequences in the show, and absolutely one of the top three non-wx related scenes. maybe the very best for me. the arrogance of this woman is breathtaking and if you know a thing about myu you can see where it's going

YOU SAID THAT??? MISS FORMER MAID??? YOU HAVE THE GALL TO SAY THAT TO A CULTIVATOR OBSESSED WITH BLOODLINES???

glaring at wwx OKAY way to make every convo about beating him down

obviously this is a really hard scene to watch and I always have mixed feelings on it bc on the one hand. obviously really upsetting. on the other, myu is acting to appease a sect that will destroy their entire home if not satisfied. she is not harming him permanently, and MAY be pulling her punches so the damage isn't as bad as it looks (tho arguments like 'he can walk later!' don't rly pull weight for me bc wwx walks off horrific pain all the time)

I don't think this means she secretly cares about wwx further than as a tool to keep jc/the sect safe (she needs him functional, after all), or that it means she's a good person, but it's a strategic decision that wwx understands and accepts because of the political situation they're in.

logically myu obviously uses zidian on wwx in other cases, because he talks about it, bc it's talked about enough that lwj knows about it, and because she didn't need to close the doors (implying it's a commonplace sight that nobody would balk at) but we don't actually see any of her whipping as punishment onscreen

and yeah he's bleeding from his mouth already so it's not like it was nothing

just fucking shoot me I guess. jc doesn't even know what's going on here does he? the others had to hold him back at the beginning too

and myu thinks this is it! she doesn't want to disable her top disciple, who she entrusts with her son's life! she doesn't want the wens to have that kind of power over her people in her domain. but like. I think it's pretty clear she would have if pushed to it. like she was ready for it

FORESHADOWING. ugh because of all the trauma you get it?

^^^ again, whipping isn't an uncommon occurrence

wwx is so good at adapting to situations he's already planning on training with his left. and he could have done it. I'm sure he could have. jc is thinking this is the end, he's ready to start begging. when he loses his core, he's ready to give up. but wwx always thinks beyond whatever horrible, world-ending situation is going on now. it's why his suicide is so shocking and powerful. he's never been one to give up, even through seemingly insurmountable odds

[soulsxng]

"...I need to make someone to forget something. The sooner, the better. Could I convince you to help me out, a little bit?"

Sahrin sat down beside Shemyaza on the dock bench, looking out over the water before them. Zental was always such a pretty place...there had been a time when she had thought-- hoped, even-- that this would be the place she could always proudly call her home.

But no longer. She could hardly stand to be in Gaea at all, anymore. The mortal realm held too far too many bitter memories for her.

"I told you that I don't want to be involved in whatever it is that you're doing, Sihariel...I'm sorry, but I just can't risk it. If he finds out, he'll think I'm provoking him again."

"But you won't be directly involved. One music box is all I need, and once I've used it, I know exactly how to go about destroying it, so that it won't leave any evidence pointing back here. If this person is able to spill their secrets, it could end up causing trouble for you anyway. Besides..."

Dark red eyes settled on her, expectant in their weight, even if Sahrin didn't keep him in suspense long.

"I'm close. Just a bit more, and I know Sivel will feel compelled to help me. Or at the very least, he'll provide protection, should I happen upon any 'unfortunate trouble'. From there, dealing with Iryin should be far easier than before. With odds like that...maybe even you would be able to step back into the fray. Iryin won't stand a chance...this time, I'll have him pleading for mercy at my feet...I just need to ensure that Eleare is dealt with, first."

There it was. In reality, Emy couldn't really say that he was entirely convinced that Sahrin could pull this off. Even if her plan to get Sivel involved in trying to take Enoch down worked, it was still risky. However...if things got too complicated, he really didn't need to worry about being connected to Sahrin's schemes.

He was far better at his job than she was, after all. Covering his tracks would be wasy. Doubly so, if Sahrin died because of this...as much as it pained him to think that way.

Shemyaza had known for a long time now, though, that she was likely already too far gone to truly save. Her ambitions had twisted from what they once were, and...even as dark as they were then, they had only grown to be even more horrific.

If it weren't for the fact that she was a former Watcher, as well...as well as the fact that he himself wasn't able to target Enoch himself, anymore, he was sure he would have killed her himself, to stop the potential for any of her sickening goals to come to fruition.

...So for now, he would simply do what he do best, and keep a close watch on the situation.

"Ha...of course it's another god that you went and got into trouble with. Fine, though. Wait here a bit, and I'll be right back."

[midnightscxre]

@waywordhearts [ Closed starter ]

Calloused palms traveled across the silky surface whose scent did not belong in his private quarters. The thick, sooty smoke of cigarettes smoked in the cramped space the ashy blond man called his bedroom was replaced by fresh air in which the aroma nourished the nostrils and did not disgust them. The sapphire eyes blinked away the fatigue and took in the surroundings. The confusion lasted for a couple of strong heartbeats, until the stupor of sleep was replaced by the realization of where he was. The muscular body tensed, lifting itself into a sitting position, elbows resting on knees as broad palms rubbing the heavy eyelids. Movement made him wince, a habit, instinct -- necessity to survive in the world of horrific crimes the president of ' Devil's stranglers ' chose -- always be on alert, one finger on the trigger and another ready to capture the neck of the enemy. " Hey . . . " Although the tempting shape in front of him was no way near a repellent sight he needs to destroy, nothing he needs to ' fear ', the caution remained for a moment too long.

The usual feeling of irritation that would rise as a tide seeing a ' sweet-bud ' overstaying her welcome back in the motor club was replaced by some strange relaxation, sight of the woman mellowing the senses, silencing the constant worry and driving the everlasting tension in the broad shoulders away. Azure irises fell upon a strangely shaped cup, probably a work of art Jace didn't know how to appreciate since his beverages came either in bottles or disposable paper cups, from which steam was rising, carrying another seducing smell. Rough fingers curled over the prepared drink, bringing it to the smirking lips. " Thanks . . . " a name. A name was supposed to be added at the end of the word of appreciation. A name he didn't know. Was not supposed to know. Jace entered this arrangement with rules chiseled in stone tables - no names, no details, no calls, no talks, no. . . well, nothing but physical pleasure. An exchange that worked perfectly well until the present moment.

Not that the man didn't have an abundance of willing women back at his motor club, but those had nothing to say except for ' yes sir, whatever you wish sir ', like programmed robots in tight skirts -- something Jace didn't find compelling at all. Boring. Yet, no matter with who he shared the sheets for the night, his rules were clear to the other person as well. Not one woman, even those whose heart was broken by the ugly truth, had one bad thing to say about Jace Catto. A man who never hid his intentions, had his cards open -- that he will never be nothing but a pleasure provider. That he can't stay and be the knight in the shining armor. Not because he didn't want to, hell, one of the biggest hidden dreams was a stable relationship that bloomed in a loving family -- white fence, dog, house, couple of kids and a wife. . . a distant dream. Jace saw too many of his fellow men lost their sanity to alcohol, drugs and sorrow after reality slapped them in the face. For criminals like them, there was no happy ending. Family killed, kidnapped, or just ran after they realized how cruel the world of crime is. The man vowed never to expose no one to its horrors.

" I really didn't mean to crash here, darling. No fake excuses. I wouldn't hold it against you if you kicked me out. " soft muscle licked the drops of coffee from the lips. What in the bloody hell is her name? Thought rang through the privacy of his head. Grabbing the crumpled white t-shirt from the corner of the sofa, Jace pulled it over the head and strong arms. Why did he stay in the first place? Man couldn't recall, yet there was no alcohol, or better said not enough of it, for him to use as an excuse -- it was just tiredness and the feeling of relaxation that made him stay. Jace got to his feet, scanning the living room as he approached her, taking a few hefty sips of the divine coffee. " Nice place. You live alone or should I expect an angry boyfriend coming too early from a business trip and have a nice brawl for a wake up recipe instead of the coffee? " Smooth chuckle accompanied the half-joke, because the example happened more than once. . . Finally the feet stopped collecting steps and the much larger silhouette towered over the smaller one. Corners of the lips curling in a smile before the brain even realized it. " Don't take this the wrong way darling but, I think crashing at one's crib and serving coffee demands a name. " crossing his own limits, Jace continued. " I know the deal and all, but ermm. . . would like to express my thanks properly, ye? " Slight Irish accent explained. " Name is Jace Catto. " He offered first.

[semper-legens]

54. A Death at Fountains Abbey, by Antonia Hodgson

Owned: No, library Page count: 344 My summary: Fresh off his near-execution, Thomas Hawkins is whisked away to Yorkshire at the behest of the Queen. There’s a certain ledger, you see, one that can implicate the Crown in an old scandal, and the Queen has an interest in seeing it destroyed. Tom doesn’t care, but she threatened Kitty, so he has to do as she says. Turns out there’s a mystery afoot, with strange letters being sent to his host’s house and threats of murder, alongside a mysteriously returned daughter. It’s quite a tangled web - but one that Tom must unweave if he wants his love to live. My rating: 5/5 My commentary:

The last Tom Hawkins book! For me, at least - there's one more after this, but that was the first one I read. It's a direct follow-up to Tom's almost-hanging in the last book, with Tom being sent out to Yorkshire to try and find a ledger for the Queen under the guise of helping the gentleman, John Aislabie, with mysterious threatening letters that have been plaguing his home. I gotta say, after the last book included subjects that I have a morbid fascination with (namely, executions) I kind of expected to like this one less. But nope! As it turns out, I was very much into it the whole way. Looks like this is one I'm going to have to buy.

After Kitty was largely absent in the last book, it's good to see her taking a more active role in this one. I have to say, I was a little worried at the start that this was going to be another whole book with Tom mooning over and being protective over a Kitty who we never really spend time with, but she barrels into the narrative midway through and makes significant contributions to the story. Which is good to see! Poor Tom's a-traumatised from the whole 'near-execution' thing, but he's trying his best to cope and fulfil his mission to the Queen without major traumas. And gets more traumatised, because he is God's chew toy. As a certified enjoyer of Historical Men In Pain, I was very much into it. Sam Fleet is also along for the ride - his story, being caught between a father who is a career thief and a father figure who is, er, Tom, is intriguing enough. He really struggles in this one between his burgeoning morality and instincts towards the ruthless, sticking his neck out for Tom even when it could have cost him everything.

The main story itself is gripping, and full of the twists and turns I've come to expect from these narratives. Aislabie has a daughter returned from the grave to deal with as well as the strange murder threats delivered to his door. I really like how conscious Hodgson is of the period when she's crafting these narratives - this story deals with the fallout of the South Sea Bubble, and class tensions and prejudices run throughout, as a local family of 'poachers' (people who owned the land before Aislabie's family bought it) is suspected for the crimes despite it not being possible they did it. They're illiterate, see. Threatening notes are kind of beyond them. The ever-looming threat of transportation is relevant too, given that one of our antagonists has recently returned from seven years on a prison colony. Conditions there were horrific, and it seems to have stripped the man of any kind of humanity; a chilling reminder of what such harsh punishments can do to a person. It's tragic and compelling, and once again I am pleased with how often Tom and Kitty are wrong about something, or leap to a conclusion that turns out to be false. They're very human in their investigations, not the annoying type who is always right because the narrative demands it, and it's great to see!

Next up, a young woman faces ghosts in a little church in the woods.

[helreginn]

😴 & 😨 - from Cardan!

send me 😴 to see how your muse appears in my muse’s GOOD DREAMS send me 😨 to see how your muse appears in my muse’s NIGHTMARES

😴

The grass is soft but not quite as much as the laughter that peels from Hel's smiling lips as she catches Cardan in her waiting arms. They laugh more as he settles his head in her lap, smiling up at her with an easy and relaxed joy. She reaches down, lays a gentle hand on his cheek. Her hair falls like a curtain around them.

"I told you you could not best them," she teasingly remarks. Her eyes lift to glance long at he happy hoppy wolf pups dancing around them. Are those their children? The grandchildren of wolf-mother Angrboða? She won't dare to question it. Whoever they are, Hel knows she loves them. The same as she loves him.

She can lie to herself when she is awake and her eyes and mind know only what is real and can be seen. She cannot lie to herself in the realm of her heart's making.

His laughter rings clearly and he reaches up, grasps one of her long braids and lets it fall through his fingers, "I acquiesce. I must lay here in my defeat." His crimson lips curl at one corner, "Right here where my body has fallen."

The warm sun on her back and the weight of him on her legs, Hel feels very safe. Even out in this open field. Safe and free.

When she wakes, she is warm. Content. It doesn't matter that it is not real. Hel has always been a dream-walker. They are real to her. And they keep her going as the day chills her thoughts. If she cannot have joy in her waking hours, at least she can have gentle nights.

😨

"No.."

A shaky exhale is all the sound in the room. Her lower jaw and her chest tremble as a cloud of cold breath leaves her lips. Her eyes, like sunlight through a jar of honey, are filled with tears that already wet the collar of her dress.

She meant to come sooner; Ran with such intent the pads of her feet would bruise. Yelling and screaming through the halls of their stone cold home. As she burst through the door, she is met with a most horrific sight.

Balekin stands tall, Cardan on his knees at his feet. Only, he isn't holding himself up. He can't.

Hel had a sense of death. All people that live, she foresees how they will die. Sometimes even before they are conceived. If there is even an infinitesimal chance of a new life, she sees that dulled ember, waiting for breath to bring it burning into existence. Sometimes a whole life is exists, only in the flashing images of a birth and death that never even was. This is not the only time she sees potential. Potential lives and potential deaths. Her presence in Elfhame had changed much. Before she ever stepped foot on the grass of his fae realm, Hel had seen a betrayal. A family internally destroyed. And so very much death. Deaths that.. with her arrival had been at least delayed, if not thwarted altogether. She sees these deaths before a final breath. Always prepared and ready to hold a spirit's hand as it loosed itself from it's corporeal form. Sometimes it years, when it is decided to put off maintenance as internal unseen cracks burrow deep in the foundation. Or months. When that first cell turns to cancer. Almost never is it short enough notice that she - death incarnate - cannot intervene without calling upon her godly powers. But prophecy is the victim of dreams. And she did not feel that tingling in her spine until it was moments. Knife glinting in candle light, held aloft. Cardan, afraid and alone. Hel? Compelled to footsteps and physical motion. Her heart and her feet thundered throughout the halls as she wished and willed and prayed that she might use her powers, to turn to mist and move faster than physical body could carry her. She is not held in the way that her father or her big brother Fenrisúlfr are held. Her hands and feet untied. But that is not the same as being unbound. If her powers were not supressed, how she would have FLOWN to save him.

She catches him, full bodied and strong as he falls to the side. Holds his limp body against her chest, hands overlapping and warm against cheeks that will soon be cold.

She can feel the sticky wetness of his blood seeping across her chest. And there is no point speaking to him. He is not there. Not in the body she had slept beside or in the eyes she feared and revered.

No, not there.

Her head slowly lifts and it is not Balekin she looks toward but the spectral visage of her husband. Husband. Husband then and husband still. Her eyes fall as he crouches to meet her at face level.

Their is understanding in his eyes. He could not recognise her before. Could not see. And she could not say. But the dead would always recognise death.

There are no words on her part. No apologies or pleading. But he knows. He can feel it. All the while, Balekin and even the servants in the room fall limp. Successive thumps on the carpeted floor. Her powers are numbed, dulled for the convenience of a man who could not hope to understand. But even the king of all gods does not have the power to stop an angry and heartbroken death.

The servants stand above their bodies, confused and dazed. All magic used to compel them died with their bodies. But that was not an answer for how they came parted from their lives. Balekin does not stand in the room. There is no spector. Nor even a body. As she stares at the man she had vowed to protect, the man that was supposed to raise him fell like sand in the wind. All trace of his horrid nature gone from Hel's sight and presence. He would not have the mercy of a gentle afterlife.

Hel stares. Still. She couldn't protect her family of blood. She had failed to protect her family of marriage. No words or prose could convey the weight of her guilt and grief. And he just stares back. A hollow echo of her shame.

When she wakes, he is as his corpse had been. Cheek held to her breast and eyes closed. But he is warm and that will not fade. He is not bloody and he is not still. She watches him breathe in the lowlight of their dark bedroom. Every fiber of her being knows he is alive. And death should not fear a man dying. Yet here they lay, one unaware and the other petrified.

[transpersian]

I’ve been very open about how 2022 has been the worst year of my life so far. It’s been tragic in ways I could have never imagined, continuing a string of increasingly awful years since 2019. It’s felt like the later seasons of some TV shows, the writers cashing in long-term chips and ending storylines with characters that you thought would be around for the whole show. A LOT of them.

But while it’s been truly horrific, part of it has been seeing how much of my life has been inauthentic and how many of my relationships have been predicated on suppressing my authentic self.

I wish it wasn’t so many of them, but that’s what happens when so much trauma forms the core of your interactions with others. There’s been a lot of desolation and isolation, but it’s been necessary. They’re not necessarily bad people, but they’re bad for me.

So be it.

Part of what I’ve been connecting deeply with has been my spiritual path. This new deck is stunning and I immediately vibed with its energy. For our first reading a few nights ago, I was compelled to draw five cards.

It told me that it sees the light and innocence within me and how it’s always been unable to escape the darkness. That I had to accept the end of so many relationships I found sacred to move forward, and that that clearing is not easily “good” or “bad,” it just “is,” and that I’m currently in a state of limbo. The path forward as I find my strength is not easy or safe. That I will need to ground myself with my roots in the earth as I reach up to pierce the sky.

There is someone who’s been moving against me, hoarding riches and power for themselves, not even to use, just to enjoy having. They’ll fail in their attempts to thwart me. I’ll grow above them, finding my power and flying beyond them.

There is a future for me, one where I’ve transformed properly, owning my connection to the divine feminine as I discover new knowledge (and friends) in unsuspected places, earned by surviving those that would destroy my mind and spirit. I will find new community and thrive, finally whole and at peace with myself and my wisdom, the darkness and light within me finally balanced.

I just need to stay focused.

I’m ready.

[thefinalwitness]

read more bc i talked a lot about why i like emet-selch specifically only as The Worst Guy Ever.

also i can't help but notice that emet-selch is equivocally comparable to like. a rich person divorced from the reality of his own society. like sure, life's swell for him, bad things don't ACTUALLY happen to him—until one such bad thing does and he is completely unable to process it in a humane way whatsoever, going on to commit 12k years of "rich guy got owned once and demanded heaps of legislation to make sure he was never sad again."

you know. this guy is fucking nuts. and the world he remembers didn't exist, at least not to 99% of people, assuming it even actually existed for him and the aforementioned points aren't obscuring the fact that he has utterly INVENTED a version of reality that isn't real and was never real because he romanticized it so hard he's like those white girls who wish they were born in the 1920s or whatever.

and that's why i like him as a villain. he is so utterly entangled in his own grief, and in refusing to let go and face tomorrow, he has completely destroyed his own humanity—ASSUMING he had much of it to begin with, ASSUMING he wasn't always above the struggles of the world and simply didn't fucking know what pain was until it was big enough to get him too. but a lot of what we see of him in elpis suggests he was, in fact, in an ivory tower of privilege and wealth and success that, sure, made the world sound pretty great to him because fuck you, got his.

people dying in distance lands? people suffering untreated mental illness? sounds like a skill issue to him. get a real job maybe. stop crying about the utter depravity with which we treat life and be more like the more successful, powerful men around you who are so distanced from it they not only don't care, it doesn't even cross their minds most days.

and like that's the POINT. everything about him is twisted to a selfish, divorced life he led, one that utterly taints his ability to conceptualize most life as anything more than 'inventions' and 'pests' and 'abominations'. and he exploits this. his way of life has always depended on the suffering of others, so it's no wonder that's what he resorts to when something Bad Enough finally touches him in that ivory tower. he got to where he is in ancient etheirys with cruelty and depravity, and he continues trying to use these until his very last words in ultima thule.

because he STATES there that you, the wol, are still nothing to him. the only value he sees in you is that you're the fifty billionth reincarnation of his dead friend; he says you OWE it to this dead former life you've never known to live. nothing about 'you' matters to him, only how he can relate you to azem. also, he literally said he'd still be trying to kill you if he were alive.

like!!!! don't get me wrong!!!! i LOVE all of this about him. he is so selfish, so delusional, so utterly twisted and it's why i find him such a compelling villain. i DO feel bad for him. it doesn't excuse anything he's done, but knowing this idiot rotted in his own grief because he was too arrogant and stupid to accept help or even deserve it after the THOUSANDS to MILLIONS of people he'd wronged, knowing this all happens because he's mourning and is too fucking selfish to accept that's what he's doing is FASCINATING. he's SO EVIL, it's sad and infuriating and you want to shake him because he should be able to LEARN from this!

but he won't. he can't. because he is a rotten, horrific person, who has always judged everyone as lesser, who a small few are lucky enough to be spared his arrogant dissonance by virtue of him deciding he likes them and calling them his friends. and these people enable it. bless your fucking heart, hythlodaeus, azem, but you let him keep doing this. you let him treat the world as dirt under his feet and nothing more. i like to believe that's part of what azem's desertion is about, is realizing the mistake that is the convocation, these fourteen people who get to decide who lives and dies, who matters and who doesn't—realizing this is ALWAYS what they've done, and the final days are only a huge, in-your-face, super literal example of what they have ALWAYS done.

and like. it's GREAT, narratively. it's compelling. it's fascinating. it's true to a lot of real life parallels—humans that are so successful and comfortable they forget their own humanity and think themselves above others inherently, friends who love someone and overlook or do not try to stop their cruelty until it's too late, a world that was perfect ONLY in hindsight, ONLY when you refuse to accept how things change, ONLY when in your grief you romanticize it into something that never existed.

it's incredible. it's heartwrenching. it reminds that kindness and compassion and mercy and acceptance are CHOICES. and no matter how obvious or inherent they may feel to some of us, they are like battery acid to others, who would sooner choose control or saving their own skin or maintaining the status quo at the cost of countless lives. emet-selch is interesting to me because every single thing about him is wrong, corroded in his own selfishness and arrogance; he's human, but you almost can't tell from how much it's rotted in him.

emet-selch, hooked up to a lie detector: says some bullshit about the world unsundered that is factually untrue and you can literally go to elpis and look it up

lie detector: doesn't react

ppl: well he must be telling the truth. it can't be that he believes his own fabricated reality based on 12k years of decaying memory and stagnating grief and the literal magic monster that canonically twists and warps people he sold his soul to. there's no other explanation