#but the ending is probably actual or pretend gwen/arthur/merlin

[raethereptile]

Merlin AU where instead of Uther being understanding about Arthur falling for a serving girl (because he was understanding remember, he just couldn't allow it to continue) he is furious with him because he thinks Arthur's stepping out on Merlin

Hijinks naturally ensue

[merlinspussy]

I was rewatching Merlin S5EP9 a little while ago and I noticed a little detail which, albeit doesn’t add anything to our understanding of the plot, really portrays Arthur as a character that has been both trained to kill from birth and someone who has faced several betrayals from the people he loves.

I’m not sure if anyone has pointed this out before, after all the show ended over ten years ago now but if that is the case, then I guess I’m adding my piece to this discovery:

In every single scene where Arthur and Gwen are together and he’s pretending he doesn’t know that she’s enchanted, he’s either defending himself or is ready to defend himself.

For example, I’ll start off with the obvious:

Arthur doesn’t eat or barely eats when he’s around enchanted Gwen.

Logically, Gwen’s probably not poisoned the food because one she’s already tried that and two I imagine the castle was on high alert for any poisoned food so soon after Arthur actually was poisoned. Even so, he can’t bring himself to eat the food because how can he be sure she hasn’t? She managed to poison him effortlessly before. He is going to let his guard down now he knows that he can’t (temporarily) trust her.

That said, he might not be eating because his wife has been ensnared by Morgana and any worry he is feeling is likely also ruining any appetite he might have. It’s up for interpretation I suppose.

Secondly:

In this scene, Arthur picks up a dagger and starts fiddling with it.

Subconsciously or not, his training and instincts have kicked in and he’s ready to defend himself if Gwen suddenly drops the ruse and attempts to kill him. Now obviously, Arthur wouldn’t dream of killing Gwen but, like I said earlier, he is a warrior who has been trained from birth and has also suffered numerous assassination attempts and betrayals from people who he has loved.

Now do I think Arthur initially struggled with reconciling enchanted Gwen and his wife? Of course, it’s only natural, but as we see here:

Arthur seems to realise that the wife before him is still the wife he loves and that any evil that was residing in her heart was not hers but Morgana’s. He seems to come to this because Gwen, though she is pretending, sounds remarkably sincere when she asks Arthur if she had done something to offend him. Which I feel is a very painful echo of something Gwen would say to Arthur had she not been enchanted. Which is why he promises that there is "nothing he would not do" for Gwen. He really wants his Gwen back.

All in all, I really like these details because I think it really fits Arthur’s character because it just reinforces how he has grown up. With the show’s comedic element, it can be easy to forget where these character have come from, especially Arthur who is more often than not shown to be a bumbling idiot with the emotional intelligence of a brick wall.

I also think it is the staple of good acting when an actor is able to embed unspoken quirks and mannerisms within their performance. It is the sort of dedication and detail which brings the characters to life.

[star-rie]

a long rant/idea/rambling of how i want bbc merlin plot to go

Season 1

General: stays the same (light-hearted season) but merlin starts to question gaius and kilgharrah, empathizes with morgana. Elyan is introduced somewhere between episodes. Gwen father didn’t die. Mordred ISN’T introduced yet. Morgana is gaslighted by merlin + gaius (not forever i swear guys)

Finale: merlin vs nimueh (epic battle this time), merlin is almost close to loosing but gaius helps him, however nimueh survives

Season 2

General: introduction of mordred on the second ep (merlin hates him), ep 1 is abt balinor (mentor figure for merlin + should meet with hunnith), arthur finds out abt ygraine (and yes merlin lied abt it) + starts questioning uther, we got more arthur’s pov when merlin is at the ‘tavern’ (episodes where merlin is not there and focuses on arthur instead), morgana finds out abt her magic. Freya + gwen romance plotline happened. Percival + Gwaine introduction, merthur kiss but they never acknowledge it (yep they’re in denial)

Finale: kilgharrah lost hope of merlin so he turns to nimueh (in a hidden scene nimueh told arthur the truth abt his birth), nimueh + uther battle (but nimueh lost NOO), balinor DIES, merlin stops kilgharrah, glimpse of morgause (at the ep end). Morgana made a decision to kill uther

Season 3

General: aithusa is born (morgana + kilgharrah + merlin really likes her), morgana villain arc (she finds out that merlin is gatekeeping magic from her + merlin trying to kill mordred lmao), either morgwen romance or gwencelot (i can’t choose), gwen’s father died, this season = gwen’s arc

Finale: magic reveal, uther’s death, morgouse + morgana attacked the castle, morgana and morgouse fighting + breaking of to their own path (morgana realizes morgause is kind of twisted evil)

Season 4

General: arthur banning merlin from camelot (merlin runaway arc), arthur + gwen + the knights running the kingdom, morgana redemption arc, morgouse + aggravaine becomes main villain, political shit in camelot (like other kingdom who also despises sorcery/power manipulation, an in-depth look of other kingdoms), GAIUS DIES, hunnith + aithusa + kilgharrah scenes, mordred + merlin + morgana bonding, ygraine scenes, arthur trying to forget merlin but CANT, oh and aggravaine is also a villain here but he actually has personality and pure evil, arthur getting excalibur, arthur is really struggling to find himself here (to be like his father or follows his heart). Btw merlin is there and it shows every time magic related enemies attacks camelot/everytime arthur is about to die really but he’s literally in the shadows now and arthur pretends not to notice

Finale: morgause + aggravaine attacking the kingdom, arthur accepts + forgiving merlin + morgana back and assign them as court sorceress + court physician, hunnith scenes, arthur tolerating magic, adopting mordred (apology for killing his father lol), probably adopting aithusa

Season 5

General: arthur lifts the ban against magic, marrying merlin, cendred is a villain here (however he is introduced in s4), merlin GETTING A STAFF (also introduced in previous seasons but he’s worthy of it here, arthur made it btw and it’s a power up for melrin)

Finale: morgause + cendred finale attack, a few deaths (they won thoe cuz this is the good ending)

End:

Camelot brings a new era (symbolizing change)

Arthur: King

Merlin: consort/court dragonlord with titles like “king arthur’s shadow”

Gwen: Court Advisor/head of the house

Morgana: Court Sorceress

Aithusa: Court Dragon

Why i think merthur should be canon:

1) they’re gay

2) real reason: so i think its good for the plot too since magic is a euphemism for gay, relates to the theme of arthur bringing change to camelot but other than marrying a servant, he marries a MALE servant who has magic ☺️🫶😘🙏

Series ends with everyone at the roundtable, gathering for a meeting

Okay that’s it let me know what you want to change 🥰

[an-entity-i-think]

Merlin & Gwen Bestfriends

"Uh.... no."

Arthur watches as Merlin's nose wrinkles in confusion before falling into complete confidence regardless of the fact that it's one of the most backwards, stupid responses he has ever given Arthur in their years of friendship.

Which is saying a lot.

Eye twitching, Arthur almost seething, "What the hell do you mean 'um no'," he ends mockingly.

Merlin rolls his eyes before looking back at him with an 'isn't this obvious?' kind of look.

"Gwen tells me everything. And by everything, I mean everything."

Arthur makes a face as if he's not sure what that entails and not sure if he wants to.

"I do the same of course. She knows things about me that you'd only dream about knowing-"

Arthur's face intensifies on what that means and if he wants to know what that means, and also if he should be upset by what that means, and also also by the fact he isn't upset by what that may mean and what that may mean.

Merlin gives him a brief look of pity and amusement, before continuing.

"I heard all the juicy details about Lancelot when they were almost a thing way back. And I've heard all the more juicy details about you."

Arthur's eye twitches. He pretends it isn't from a mix of embarrassment and wild curiosity.

Giving him a fonder, softer look, Merlin finishes with a smile, "I've also heard about how excited she was to marry you for hours into the night. Just last night in fact. So, no. I bet if you asked her right now, she's probably crying or something in immense guilt and will probably say something like 'I don't know what happened, Arthur, I was suddenly there and it was just suddenly happening and I'm so sorry'," Merlin ends in a mystically good impression of Guinevere.

Arthur stares blankly.

Merlin blinks and then looks at him deadpan, "Because she was obviously enchanted. Probably from the bracelet she's wearing that I've never seen before. Probably from the fake Lance that was 'suddenly' revived that doesn't act anything like him. And also you should probably trust your betrothed more instead of thinking the worst of her."

Arthur just blinks for a moment before scowling, "And why didn't you day something half an hour ago?"

Merlin rolls his eyes, "Because Agravaine was there. And as soon as I say something he would have been like 'No, Arthur. Don't you see your manservant is trying to manipulate you? Never trust anyone blah blah blah except me of course. I may have abandoned you for years and only shown up right when you were most vulnerable but trust me! Unlike the others who actually love you of course...'"

Again in a weirdly good impression,

Merlin huffs exasperated as he grabs the rest of the clothes, putting them into a laundry basket, as Arthur just looks at him with eyebrows slowly rising, "And then! You would have been such a prat and started prattling on about you can't trust Gwen even though you've been together for years and know full well that she loves you and would never cheat and- ugh did you seriously stuff your socks under the sofa padding? What's wrong with you?"

Arthur watches as Merlin pulls out a sock from the sofa that's been there for who knows how long in disgust before flinging it into the basket.

Merlin looks up at him and blinks, "Wait what was I talking about?"

Arthur gives him a head ruffle and pretends he doesn't miss the softness of Merlins hair immediately after and walks towards the door, "I'm going to talk to Guinevere now. Bye."

Merlin absently responds in similar and the last thing Arthur sees before closing the door is his manservants face in disgust once again as he finds the other sock.

Well. Maybe he should talk to Guinevere first, after all. And maybe talk to her about some other things, too.

[tsuzuruchipalace]

consider the following: what if merlin decided to control lancelot when he first met him instead of king arthur and mordred

oooh this is a really cool idea!! i think this could make for an interesting alternative storyline! As much as I love the story of KniRou IV, I also want more Merlin and Lancelot interactions lol

forgive me for the details since I just skimmed through KniRou again, but in the original story, I believe Merlin started targeting King Arthur even before Lancelot showed up because he was trying to usurp the throne and take over the kingdom. Lancelot didn't seem to be in his sights at all. Then, because Lancelot defeated him and stopped his plans, their cross-game rivalry began (to our assumption, anyway)

Since Lancelot is a child blessed by the fairies, Merlin would've had a much harder time trying to control him. (I assume this since Gwen's fairy magic seemed to be effective against Merlin's demonic magic in the fight.) That's why he sent Lancelot and Gawain away to find the Holy Water while he was slowly taking control of King Arthur in the guise of illness, probably to make sure they wouldn't interfere with the process. Realistically, I think Merlin was not counting on Lancelot to be so loyal to Gwen or as strong as he was, so he didn’t consider him a threat until he was defeated.

-

BUT, if Merlin were to use Lancelot to take over the Kingdom, I think he'd have to emotionally manipulate Lancelot in order to lower his defenses. Merlin recognizes that Lancelot is blessed by fairies and sees Gwen from the moment they meet. The first step would be to separate them, either by force or by turning them against each other somehow. Of course, Lancelot would try to find or mend things with her, but I’m sure Merlin could keep Gwen hidden somewhere for a while.

The second step would be to turn Gawain and Lancelot against each other. Based on the actual play events, it would not be hard to stage something to make Gawain hate him, such as hurting/killing Gareth and blaming it on Lancelot again. Since Gawain is an established knight and Lancelot is new, the King would probably side with Gawain, maybe even casting Lancelot out of the kingdom if Merlin still had some control over him.

Finally, Merlin, still posing as the wise and mild-mannered king’s aid, would step in pretending to be Lancelot’s only remaining ally and emotional support when he feels like everything has been taken from him. In that moment of weakness, Merlin could attempt to take control of him. If he succeeds, then Merlin could frame it as Lancelot acting out in revenge and nobody would wiser as to the real reason. But Gwen could still escape and bring Lancelot out of the mind control, still ending in a happy ending for the heroes and continuing the story.

Of course that’s only one way to reinterpret it! and perhaps a bit dramatic as well lmao. Merlin could also slowly befriend Lancelot and manipulate him behind the scenes without magic. The power of friendship is strong and, in some cases, can be used to make people do things they normally wouldn’t. Lancelot could do things in Merlin’s favor that he wouldn’t realize are harmful until it’s revealed much later. It would cool to see them getting along, yet knowing that Merlin’s intentions are dark and for personal gain despite the seemingly good friendship. With a reveal of betrayal, it would add conflicting emotions between the two.

This approach gives Merlin more screen time and depth to his character. It also explores a would-be friendship more, giving more of a character dynamic-driven story than a plot-based one. I personally think this approach would really interesting in driving the emotions and motivations behind the actions of these two characters in other games further down the timeline. While I really like the idea of this approach, it seems just a little outside of the realm of reality since KniRou IV is supposed to be a more simple and theme-grounding installment of the series.

Overall, I really like the concept of Merlin controlling Lancelot! (perhaps some of that is my tsuzuru and tsuzuita bias talking...) It could go a lot of ways. And ultimately, it would reframe a lot of the series moving forward. (I say when we have no confirmed direction as to how the other KniRou stories play out). Personally, I get big Cloud-Sethiroth vibes from them, which I’m sure is partly intentional, so I’d love to see Lancelot and Merlin having a more complex and hateful relationship than what is shown to us so far. (crossing my fingers for tsuzuita knirou sequel play)

Of course, that’s just my interpretation of how I think that’d go down. I’d love to hear other takes on it!

-

Hope you don’t mind the long answer anon! I didn’t expect to go on for so long with a whole alternate plot, but I just really like KniRou haha. Thanks for the ask! I had fun thinking of these ideas 💖💕💕

[merlinfic]

group ask for lost fics #32

Hi y’all! Below are a few lost fics that us mods just can’t seem to find. That being said, we’re hoping that you lovely followers are able to help! If anyone knows any of the fics below please reply below or send in an ask with which anon/user and group ask that the fic corresponds with!

Note: previous group asks and all lost fics!

Anon 1 asked:

Hello! First of all thanks so much for everything you do for the fandom! Also, I’ve been trying to find a fic for a while where Merlin and Arthur are both super into each other and Arthur keeps trying to seduce Merlin but Merlin thinks he has to remain pure until the dragon tells him that’s not the case w Arthur and I was wondering if you could help! Thanks so much 💖🥰

Thanks to statistical-nightmare for suggesting Touch Me (Not) by veronamay!

@ohmytimeturner14 asked:

Hey! I'm kinda getting back into the merlin fandom and I was looking for a fic I once read and can't find it. It's a sick fic where merlin gets sick with pneumonia I believe. Can't remember how long it is, at least 3k and most likely under 20k? I think part of it had Morgana offer to read to Merlin when he was sick? I think it was Merthur but I couldn't swear to it. Love your blog, Keep up the good work!!!

Hey! I love your blog. You always do such an awesome job.

I lost a fic, its at least 5K probably leaning twords 20 though. It involves Merlin getting sick, I think pneumonia. I remember that at one point Morgana reads him a book when he's sick, and Arthur almost leaves to get Hunith because he thought Merlin wouldn't make it. May have something to do with a formalwear tunic that made him cold and got sick, but that might be a different one. I also think he was going to go to a party of Gwen's before he got sick?? sorry if this is kinda vague

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in Midwinter Festival by Miss_Em!

Anon 2 asked:

hello!! yay the ask box is open again!! 🥺 I’ve been going through the asks for a quartermaster/007 thing but I can’t find this particular fic where Merlin was Q, and closer to the end of the fic he gets kidnapped on a train (to be specific.) It’s slash, but not pre-established, happens during the fic. Arthur bursts into Merlin’s apartment and manages to have flashback about the laptop’s password or smth too! Thanks in advance!

Thanks to wiggly-jiggly-higgledy-piggledy and overworked-bookworm for suggesting You Only Live Twice by storyforsomeone (WIP)!

Anon 3 asked:

Hello! I was wondering if you'd be able to help me find a fic. The only thing I remember from it is that both Arthur and Merlin are in the crystal caves and Merlin sees Arthur's death through one of them and completely freaks out and comfort ensues with Arthur. Sorry it's so vague but I'd love to see if you can find it! Thanks again!

@eyra-j-nee asked:

Hi!! I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3, (TW: non con) in it Merlin was assaulted in the stables and he called I think both killgarah and aithusa come and won’t let anyone pass into the stables except gaius and eventually Lancelot. Arthur figures out it’s Merlin and I can’t remember what happens after that. I’ve looked through your hurt and abused Merlin tags and I didn’t see it. I can say it’s not “all of himself” by StormDancer but they are very similar! Any and all help would be appreciated. As always THANK YOU for what you do, this blog and your hard work is a godsend!!

Thanks to fangirl485 for sending in The Fire of a Dragon by ma_r (check warnings!)

Anon 4 asked:

hi I am looking for a fic, it's post canon au and magic is legal, arthur & gwen aren't married though and all the people of Camelot are used to see Arthur and Merlin together or near each other and one time they don't, so they ask merlin who tells them that the king is on holiday today so they come to merlin with their problems and even after the holiday is over they still come to him and start calling him lord and Arthur is very amused and they get together at the end of the fic

honestly I'm a little annoyed that I remember this much but not the name of fic but I can't find it in my bookmarks, so thanks

Thanks to onceandfuturekid for suggesting King of My Heart by illiterateowl!

Anon 5 asked:

hello! i was wondering if you know about this one fic where merlin receives a purple tunic as a reluctant gift from arthur and he worries about it because it's the colour of royalty. i think it was gen? i can't really seem to find it and this is very vague, so im sorry. thank you for all you do!! <3

Anon 6 asked:

Hi I’ve been looking everywhere for one particular fic. It’s pretty dark and modern au. Merlin is immortal, has lost his memories, not thinking clearly, and is suicidal. Arthur is reincarnated and has the urge to kill. They somehow? come to an arrangement, and Arthur “consensually” kills Merlin, and then is filled with regret. But it kind of “resets” Merlin so when he comes back his memories are restored and he’s ok again? Any ideas??

onceandfuturekid asked:

hi I'm looking for a fic where there's a new servant master (?) who is harming servants so arthur disguises himself and pretends to be servant and merlin & gwen take him under his wing,,, also the servant master (?) was a druid I think or atleast banished from them and was looking for power of emrys

Thanks to atlantablack-chaotic and avery28 for sending in The Serving of Servants by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle!

Anon 7 asked:

Hi! I've been looking for this but can't seem to find it and I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could help me. It's a genderbend!Merlin. The story basically follows canon with Merlin becoming Arthur's manservant just that on top of magic she has to hide the fact that she's a woman and when things go "further" Arthur thinks he's forcing himself on Merlin, since he can't "feel his desire". Thank you do much for your help! ❤

Anon 8 asked:

Hi, I've been trying to refind this fic for a while but I'm having trouble finding it. I can't remember much of it which makes it difficult, but I just remember that Merlin gives Arthur a gift, which I think is a ring, and he finds out Merlin had magic and questions whether Merlin enchanted it against him. It's in the canon era where Merlin is his servant.

Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in A Little Roughing Around Never Hurt Anyone by melennui!

@emritz86 asked:

Hi, it's been a while I asked smthng. Caught up with work and stuff. I read a fic where Merlin was a doc and married to Arthur but Arthur didn't like Merlin at first and didn't even let him enter to their bedroom. Later he realised how awesome Merlin was and tried to reconcile but Merlin already thought about filing divorce. Do not remember the name but I'm certain I read it and saved it somewhere. Anything similar would be great too. Thanks.

Anon 9 asked:

Hey! I was wondering if you could find a fic for me where everyone thinks Arthur is dead and then Merlin goes to look for him but the knights are like he’s dead and Merlin says something like “half my soul resides in him. I would feel his death like a wound” ps this blog is literally my life

Anon 10 asked:

I'm looking for 2 kind of similar stories. The first is a canon au where Merlin is actually a dog that Arthur finds in the woods. I remember toward the end they both get injured and Arthur is frantic when he wakes up. Asking Gaius where his dog is.

The second is modern au where Merlin is blind and Arthur is reincarnated as his seeing eye dog. I don't remember much more than that, sorry. Thank you for all the work you out into the fandom. MUCH MUCH appreciated!

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Familiar To You, Strange To Me by TheYaoiChick for the first part!

@gaylord1027 asked:

Hi,

Do you know of a fic where Merlin was raised by Balinor in the cave after Hunith died and Merlin has some for of mental affliction. It starts with Arthur coming to them for help and then he wants to protect Merlin. Nimueh is in it and she befriended Merlin and died when Balinor lived to keep the balance.

Anon 11 asked:

I was wondering if you knew of the fic where Gwaine and Arthur are fighting to see who's merlin's best friend but in the end they realise it's Lancelot

Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Merlin's Favourite by OwlsWithFins!

[theonceandfutureking6481]

Why Merlin and Arthur did Succeed

So I've seen a few things recently suggesting the fact that Arthur and Merlin didn't fulfill their destiny. I just think this is a ridiculously depressing way of viewing it, and it seems to me just blatantly untrue. The show at least certainly didn't intend us to leave it thinking they failed. (Kilgaharrah literally tells Merlin at the end that he and Arthur didn't fail- "for everything which was foretold has come to pass.")

Ok so Arthur's destiny is according to the first episode "Arthur is the Once and Future King who will unite the land of Albion." I don't remember any other prophecies to do explicitly with his destiny so I'm going with this as the basis for everything I say here.

The way I see it "unite the land of Albion" has two components. On one hand, the unity of all the different kingdoms of Albion. On the other hand the unity of Albion's people, which includes the unity of magic and non-magic people.

On the first point, by the end of the show Arthur is explicitly in an alliance with most of the kingdom's of Albion. Two of those (Queen Annis and Odin) are one's Arthur made an alliance with, people whom he was formerly in conflict with. The only real kingdom where there does not seem to be an explicit alliance in place is Essetir, but I think we can assume considering it doesn't come up in the final season that they aren't fighting and are thus at peace. So the show ends with Arthur having fulfilled the first part of his destiny, he has played a great role in uniting Albion. His final speech before Camlaan he literally says "the future of the United Kingdoms." Aside from being one of the few references to modern day Britain (the UK), the assumption of that is that all the kingdom's of Albion are united, and working together towards a better future. They aren't just grudging alliances, or moments of peace in between war, they are allies.

The other aspect is more difficult. Unite the people of Albion. Part of this is succeeded in the final episode when Morgana is finally defeated, he's won the war and thus the people of Camelot can move on without violence and fighting. It is also just succeeded generally in Arthur's reign. I will always say one of the main contrasts between Uther and Arthur is their different views of community. Uther's is elitist and exclusionary, he's suspicious and scared. Arthur's view of community includes every single citizen of Camelot, all the people are considered equal and worthy and important, and he inspires people to work together. Also though Arthur doesn't legalise magic within his reign a huge amount of magic people help him and want him to succeed. He unites people, people he should theoretically be opposed to him help him. He does unite the people of Albion in this way. He also does end the active persecution of those with magic, in not persecuting the druids, like everyone knows they use magic but it's kind of like as long as they don't use magic in front of people they can just pretend that they don't. It feels like a bit of a 'don't ask don't tell' policy, which isn't great but its a vast improvement on previous policies, and is a step towards legalisation which I am certain occurred under Gwen.

My point is, Arthur and Merlin did succeed. Arthur united the land of Albion, in actual alliances and also in his uniting of the people of Camelot. He didn't legalise magic which although not explicitly a part of his destiny is certainly implied, but he provided all the groundwork, and many magic people were still united in support of him, and I think the defeat of Morgana, and the revelation of everything Merlin's done, probably finally enabled it.

[hayleysstark]

Oblivious

Words: 1960 Warnings: Swearing, drinking Summary: "You just have to sort of spell it out with Merlin," Guinevere says. "I mean, he didn't even get it when I kissed him--" / "You kissed Merlin?!" Arthur squawks.

Read on Fanfiction or AO3. 

If he's honest with himself, Arthur really doesn't think he can even pick out the most bizarre bit of this whole bizarre feast—maybe the bit where Merlin's actually, for the first time in his ugly-and-ripped-up-clothes life, dressed up like an actual Court Sorcerer, with the silken blue cloak and the nice boots with the shiny buckles and everything, even if poor Guinevere did have to practically wrestle him into it, and even if he obstinately refused to part with that godawful red scarf. Or maybe it's the bit where there is an extremely famous and scarily powerful sorceress in this hall right now, at this very table, at the King's Table, with a golden goblet of rich red wine in her hand, and a wide, red-lipstick smile on her face and not so much as a single hint of murderous intent in her soft, pretty brown eyes.

Or maybe it's the bit where there is an extremely famous and scarily powerful sorceress in this hall right now and she is doing her damn best to flirt with Merlin.

No, no, really, honestly, it sounds like a joke, and yeah, actually, Arthur would give up his sword if only that would make it a joke—yes, he'd toss away the sword the Great Lizard of Fate and Destiny puffed a bit of breath on, the sword that is, apparently, a Really Big Deal, the sword that is, apparently, so special and important and magical, Merlin just had to stuff it in a big rock for ages—except this isn't actually a joke.

There is an actual human woman trying to flirt with Merlin.

It sounds like a joke.

It is not.

This extremely famous and scarily powerful sorceress—Lady Tuilelaith, see, look, Merlin, Arthur can remember and say her name—has tried so hard all night, from the moment she stepped into the hall and got her first look at Merlin, to win him over.

And Merlin, in one of his all-too-common feats of incredible idiocy, has not even noticed.

Now, to be perfectly fair to the oblivious, magical dollophead, romance always is a bit of a tricky thing. Arthur knows that, he does, really—the early days of his own courtship with Guinevere, at his side right now, in the queen's seat, were certainly awkward and uncertain enough to teach him that little lesson—but, honestly, he's not sure if the Lady Tuilelaith can even be more obvious now.

She's twirled her long, curly hair around her finger. She's laughed out loud at absolutely everything Merlin's said tonight, even the really ridiculous stuff, and she's gushed on and on and on about his magic, and oh, goodness, Emrys, your power is truly beautiful, truly amazing, just extraordinary, and, for God's sake, enough is enough! She fed him a bite off the pastry on her plate with her own damned fork!

And Merlin! Hasn't! Even! Noticed!

Arthur wonders if he could, maybe, very discreetly stab Merlin in the thigh with the bread knife, or if Lady Tuilelaith would see it.

Well, Lady Tuilelaith hasn't taken her eyes off the magical idiot for a single moment since she met him tonight. So. Yes. She would probably see.

Unfortunate.

But Guinevere, oh, of course, Guinevere, absolutely beams over at Merlin and the poor, persistent Lady Tuilelaith with a big, bright smile. "Cute," she whispers, to Arthur, over the rim of her own golden goblet, "aren't they?"

"Cute?" Arthur huffs. Of course. Of course that's what Guinevere thinks. That's always what Guinevere thinks. She's wanted to get Merlin married off ever since she heard his last love is dead at the bottom of a magic lake. "Guinevere, he's completely clueless. It's painful. I've got secondhand embarrassment for that poor woman."

Guinevere doesn't laugh, but her dark eyes crinkle up at the edges like when she wants to laugh but knows better. "Well," she takes a small, dainty sip of her wine, "she could stand to be a bit less subtle about it."

"Less subtle?" Arthur squawks. Too loudly. He knows it's too loudly, because Gwaine actually pulls his face out of his mead long enough to look 'round at them. Arthur flushes, and drops his voice back down to a low whisper. "What do you want her to do? Take up a quill and write up a marriage proposal to Merlin on her face?"

Guinevere's eyes crinkle up again. "You just have to sort of spell it out with him. I mean, for God's sake, he didn't get it even when I kissed him—"

"You kissed Merlin?!"

All right, now that one was definitely too loud, because Elyan and Percival and Leon all look up, too—thank God Merlin and the Lady Tuilelaith are too far down the table to hear, except Arthur's not sure he has it in himself to care right now if they did hear, because apparently, Guinevere kissed Merlin? No, no, no, that is absolutely not true, that is not a thing that happened, ever, no chance, no way, he just—he just didn't hear it right, that's all. The wine must be getting to him.

"Oh," Guinevere waves a dismissive hand, and shrugs her bare brown shoulders, with a soft rustle of heavy, red velvet, "it was nothing, honestly. It's been so long now, I suppose I just forgot to tell you."

Oh, God. Arthur did hear it right. Oh, Jesus Christ, he's not ready for this. He is not ready for this. "Let me—let me get this straight," he sits up a bit straighter in his seat, and drops his fork back in his plate—he's not even going to pretend to eat any longer, "you had a snog with Merlin? That Merlin? Down there?" He jerks his chin at the idiot at the end of the table.

Guinevere's lips twitch. "It wasn't 'a snog', Arthur, it was one kiss—"

"But it was with Merlin!"

"—and, anyway, the whole thing was a complete waste because he never even kissed me back," she ends, all in a rush, a bit pink in the face, and she hastily drains the last of her wine.

Arthur makes a face. "You wanted him to kiss you back?"

"Oh, yeah," Elyan pipes up, "that's right, you never told Arthur about your thing with Merlin, did you?"

"For the last time, Elyan," Guinevere rolls her eyes, but her cheeks still look a bit red, "Merlin and I did not have 'a thing'. Merlin and I never had 'a thing'."

"It sounds an awful lot like you had 'a thing'." Arthur points out. Calmly.

"Come on!" Guinevere slams her empty goblet down on the table. "Yes, I liked Merlin, rather a lot, actually, when I first met him, but I'm married now! To you! I love you now! Does that sound like we had 'a thing' to you?"

"But," Arthur blinks, "why on earth did you like him to start with?"

Guinevere looks like she would happily cut off her right arm with Arthur's dull bread knife if she could only get a bit more wine in exchange, but Arthur's certainly not going to let her off the hook now. She can't just drop boulders like I kissed Merlin and I liked Merlin a lot when I first met him without explaining herself!

"Perhaps because the first day I ever met him, I met him because he stood up to a bully? And got punished for it?"

Oh. Yes. All right. Arthur walked right into that one. He can admit it.

"And," Guinevere lifts her chin a bit, "because he was always so kind to me, even back then, when I was only a servant, and he's brave. And he's got a good sense of humor. And it certainly doesn't hurt that he happens to be very handsome, too."

Very handsome? Christ in heaven, maybe all that wine is getting to Arthur. Oh, God. He hopes.

"Oh, yeah," Gwaine lets out a low whistle, and actually puts down his mead, "yeah, I hear that. Goddamn. Handsome. That's tame, Gwen, have you seen that man?"

Oh, God, oh, God, this is not the wine, is it? This is actually a thing that is happening. Death would honestly be kinder. "We're all talking about the same Merlin here, right?" Because Arthur has to be absolutely sure. If it's not the wine, well, obviously, there's another sorcerer servant called Merlin in the castle. That's it. That's got to be it. Right? "The skinny little broomstick down there? Ugly scarf? Big ears? Rubbish with a sword?"

Guinevere's mouth drops open. "What? His ears are cute!"

"You could land a dragon on those things!"

"They're cute!"

"They're enormous!"

"All right, all right, but," Gwaine holds up a hand, and leans up a little in his seat, "his smile could kill me, and I'd say thank you. All agreed?"

Percival nods earnestly.

"Wait, wait," Arthur rubs at his temple—the usual once-a-day Merlin headache, and Merlin himself hasn't even brought it on, "you're telling me all three of you—" he jabs a finger at Guinevere, at Gwaine, at Percival, "—and Merlin—" he flicks a glance down the long table at the clotpole, still wrapped up in the Lady Tuilelaith, "—and the idiot's never even picked up on it?"

Guinevere gives a small, sad shake of her dark curly head. "Never."

Percival goes a bit red and hastily stuffs a bread roll in his mouth.

"No luck." Gwaine lets out a deep sigh and leans back. "You give him a room full of candles and roses and a hot, naked man in his bed and he just thinks you're—"

Percival chokes over his bread roll.

"What?" Elyan whips his head around to look at Gwaine, his dark eyes wide as saucers. "You sprawled naked in Merlin's bed?!"

"Oh, God," Arthur drops his head into his hands, "oh, God, please tell me you're joking, Sir Gwaine, please tell me this is a joke—"

"Who did you hire to play the 'hot, naked man'?"

Gwaine chucks his last, uneaten bite of apple tart at Guinevere.

"All right, all right, no, how—?" Elyan holds up a hand. "How did Merlin not cotton on? After he found you naked in his bed? With all the roses and the candles?"

Arthur lifts his face out of his hands. Now that Elyan's raised the question, he actually sort of wants to know.

The great, shameless Sir Gwaine flushes bright red. "He thought I was drunk."

Leon arches a ginger-blond brow. "Were you?"

The great, shameless Sir Gwaine goes even redder. "No! And I said that! Like, a hundred times! But Merlin just kept going on and on about it! Said he would never 'take advantage' while I was 'compromised'!" He snatches up his mead and takes an enormous swallow. "I mean, how much clearer could I make it? I was naked in his bed!"

If only Arthur had some soap to scrub out his mind, because he would honestly and truly much rather be dead than live the rest of his life with naked Gwaine sprawled in Merlin's bed in his brain. Or with Guinevere snogging Merlin in his brain. God. He takes a very desperate sip of his own wine. "Am I honestly the only one at this table who has not batted my lashes at Merlin?!"

There is a long stretch of silence.

Too long.

Without a single word, Guinevere reaches out, plucks Arthur's goblet from his hand, and drinks down the last of his wine, too.

[kairos-in-wonderland]

Day 1: Ladies First

Okay, so this is actually the first piece of Merlin based writing I’ve ever posted anywhere and technically (in my time zone) I’m a couple hours late, but this is my day 1 submission for Camelove 2021! I hope that whoever reads this enjoys it - it was originally gonna be about 1000 words but it ended up being about 3500 😅 Here it is!

Pairing: OC/Morgana, with Arwen and Mercelot

Modern AU, fake dating AU

Trigger warnings: forced relationship, arranged marriage (attempted), violence, abuse (mild), homophobia

“Wylla!” someone called after her, and she turned to see Morgana running towards her.

“Morgana,” she greeted as the girl came to a halt in front of her, “are you okay?”

“I really need a favour and I didn’t know who else to ask, can we talk somewhere?” Morgana asked tentatively, and Wylla nodded, dragging her into the currently deserted school theatre, “Brilliant, okay… This is gonna be really weird and it’s okay if you say no – really, it is, I jus-”

“Morgana!” Wylla exclaimed, letting out a short laugh, “Calm down, what do you need?”

“Well, you’re friends with Arthur, he’s told you what my step-father is like?” Wylla nodded for Morgana to continue, “He’s hosting a party this week for investors and he’s trying to set me up with Will Sarrum; he’s the heir to Amata Motors, my step-father wants me to marry him for when he takes over the company, to make sure they continue to use Pendragon Financing.”

“Okay, that’s seriously messed up, but why do you need my help? You need someone from the law a-level classes, not drama, I can’t help you get out of this.”

“But you can,” Morgana was grinning, despite the clear panic flashing in her eyes, “if I were to be dating someone else, he’d struggle to get me to do it. And he’d struggle even more if I were to be dating a girl.”

“Are you suggesting what I think you are?” Wylla laughed.

“Yes. You don’t have to, but I think that Sarrum would be put off dating me if he knew I was dating a girl – his entire family are homophobic bigots.”

“Does Uther know that you’re into girls?”

“I’ve told him, but he doesn’t believe me,” Morgana muttered, and Wylla sighed.

“So, you want me to go to this party with you and pretend to be your girlfriend to a) prove to your dad that you’re a lesbian and b) prevent an arranged marriage that your father wants for a business alliance?”

“That’s pretty much the gist of it, yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll do it,” she said, and Morgana’s eyes widened, “you need this.”

“Oh my god, thank you!” Morgana exclaimed, hugging her tightly, “I owe you so bad for this, how can I make it up to you?”

“Dinner and a movie?” Wylla suggested, “Imagine Uther’s face when you tell him.”

“You are amazing,” Morgana laughed and Wylla joined in, “right, okay. The party is on Saturday, formal dress – I’ll help you decide what to wear – and Geoffrey will pick you up at 4pm. Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah, of course, and I can’t wait to see Arthur’s face when I show up as your date,” the girls giggled a little and Wylla leaned against the stage, “so, are we keeping up the pretence of this relationship within school? Or just at the party?”

“I think it might be a good idea if we make it look like we’re dating for the next few days within school, otherwise Sarrum and some of our other classmates who will be at the party could suspect that it’s fake. Unless there are people you don’t want to think that you’re dating me?”

“That’s not a problem, Morgana, don’t worry,” she looked up at the clock and groaned, “right, when’s your lunch break? There’s gonna be a class in here for a couple hours but I’m done for the day after that.”

“I’ve got history for two hours so I can meet you here afterwards?” she suggested, and Wylla nodded as her peers started to enter the room, “I’ll see you then,” Morgana pressed a cheek before leaving, and Wylla couldn’t help but blush as the other students looked towards Morgana. To be fair, she was staring too, trying to wrap her head around what she’s just agreed to.

“Was that Morgana?” a voice whispered behind her, breaking her trance.

“Oh, yeah,” Wylla let out a nervous laugh as she turned towards Merlin, “she just popped in to see me before going to her lesson.”

“And since when were you close enough with Morgana for her to think of doing that?” he questioned, and she blushed.

“Uh, since we started dating,” she lied, and his eyes widened, “apparently her step-father is hosting a party on Saturday and she wanted to invite me.”

“Oh yeah, Gwen told me that Arthur’s taking her, to give him a chance to avoid some of the other people who’ll be at the party – all the posh and privileged students who think they’re above us. You do realise that most of Uther’s ‘friends’ are homophobic, right?”

“Why do you think I’m going? Morgana already told Uther, and word is bound to spread about our relationship, I don’t want her to be alone with them for that long,” Wylla argued, and Merlin smiled.

“How long has this been going on?” he asked as they sat down on the edge of the stage, waiting for their teacher to arrive.

“Not long, we’ve kept it a secret till now but we thought it was about time people knew. I’m sorry, I would’ve told you, but-”

“I get it, you wanted to respect her privacy,” Merlin finished for her.

“Yeah. That, and just remember that you didn’t tell me that you were dating Lancelot until you’d dragged me along to three of his and Arthur’s football games.”

“Okay, point proven,” he laughed as their teacher entered the theatre to start the lesson.

The lesson dragged on for Wylla, who was not only eager to see Morgana but also had to endure stares from her classmates because of her new ‘girlfriend’. The whole idea kept going around in her mind – she’d never thought of Morgana in a romantic way before, and yet she couldn’t get the raven-haired girl out of her mind – even when they were meant to be memorising their monologues, her eyes trained on the page, Morgana was the only thing she could think about. She was only woken from her daze when someone clicked in front of her face, “Seriously, Wylla, everyone’s already gone,” Merlin laughed, and she groaned before resting her head in her hands, “how were you that distracted?” she didn’t answer, but she looked up from the table when there was a knock on the theatre’s door which they saw Morgana leaning against, “ah, got it.” Wylla blushed and Merlin grabbed his bag from under the stage.

“See you tomorrow Merlin!” Wylla called as he left and Morgana walked towards her.

“Are you okay?” she asked, and Wylla let out a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, just thinking. Apparently I managed to zone out for most of the lesson.”

“Oh, are you tired? Do you want me to go and get you a coffee or something?” Morgana offered, but Wylla shook her head.

“I’m okay, I was just thinking about us – that is, what we’re going to tell people about us. Merlin asked and I just said that it hadn’t been long, but more people are gonna ask us and we need to be on the same page about this.”

The two girls chatted about what lies to tell and just sat enjoying each other’s company until someone walked into the theatre.

“Morgana!” Arthur called from the door, startling both of them, “What are you doing in here? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you set foot in the theatre, I thought Merlin was joking when he said you were here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t expect you to be paying attention to my whereabouts at all times, Arthur,” Morgana rolled her eyes and subtly reached for Wylla’s hand, “I was just here chatting with Wylla, what do you want?”

“Geoffrey is waiting for us outside, come on,” he beckoned, and Morgana sighed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, planting a long, soft kiss on Wylla’s cheek before winking and following Arthur out.

-

A couple days had passed and Wylla still hadn’t decided what to wear so she dragged Merlin and Gwen round to her house in the afternoon to help her decide, “Gwen, what are you going to wear?” she asked as she frantically looked through her wardrobe.

“I don’t know, I’ll probably just decide on the day or the night before,” Gwen admitted, and Wylla groaned, “why are you so worried about this?”

“Because Morgana is gonna look like, well, Morgana and I don’t want to look totally disappointing. We’re going to a party with some of the biggest names in business and the richest kids in our college – they’re all going to hate me for being there because I’m not rich and I don’t want to make Morgana look bad.”

“You won’t be the only person there that isn’t rich,” Gwen reminded her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder

“But at least you and Arthur are a heterosexual couple, most of Uther’s friends are homophobic bigots. They won’t be focused on you and Arthur when there’s me and Morgana to gossip about,” she sighed, running her hands through her hair.

“How about some kind of suit?” Merlin suggested, walking over to grab a red floral blazer out of her wardrobe, “what’s Morgana wearing?”

“Uh, dark green. She sent me a picture, hold on,” Wylla grabbed her phone out of her pocket and scrolled until the found the picture before passing it to Merlin.

“Okay, yeah, you’re definitely wearing that jacket,” Gwen said, excitement lacing her voice.

“I have matching trousers,” Wylla added and Gwen practically screamed, “are you trying to deafen us?”

“Sorry, sorry. Merlin, find some shoes that could go with the suit,” Gwen reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a plain white shirt before shoving it all into Wylla’s hands, “shoo, go put it on. Oh, make sure it’s inside out!” Gwen grinned as she pushed her friend into the bathroom; Wylla emerged a couple minutes later and Gwen immediately rushed over with a bunch of pins and started tapering the suit.

“What are you doing?” Wylla asked as Gwen busied herself putting pins in the suit.

“You called me to help you choose and outfit and I do textiles – I’m tailoring your suit dummie. You want to look good in front of all of the rich people? This is how you do it. You make the, what, fifty pound suit look like it cost a couple hundred, because it only fits you, not anyone who wears that size.”

“Have I ever told you how amazing you are Gwen?” Wylla laughed, and her friend smirked.

“Now would be a good time.”

“Uh, Wyl, you literally have no shoes that you can wear with this suit,” Merlin added.

“What about my black converse?” Wylla suggested.

“Let me rephrase: you have no shoes that you can wear to this event if you don’t want to look like a basic lesbian hipster,” he said, and both girls laughed, “right, what size are you?”

“Six, why?”

“I’ll be back,” was all he said before walking out, and Wylla saw him get in his car to drive off.

Merlin returned about an hour later with three pairs of heels and forced her to try each of them on, “Can we please go with the short heels? I’m gonna be shorter than Morgana anyway and I don’t wanna kill my feet if I have to stand up for hours.”

“Agreed,” Gwen chipped in, “right, go take off the suit, I’ll give it to you Friday.”

-

Days passed and finally the Pendragons’ chauffeur was driving Wylla to the party – when she arrived it was in front of huge mansion and it was Arthur who opened the car door for her, “Hey Arthur,” she greeted, and they started walking towards the front steps.

“Wylla, are you sure you’re prepared for this?” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder as the got to the front door, “The rich kids at school will be worse here, and their parents will be ten times worse than that. Geoffrey hasn’t left yet, there’s still time to go home.”

“I promised Morgana that I’d be here, I’m not backing out now,” she said, meeting his gaze as he opened the doors into the hall. Whatever she’d been expecting, it hadn’t been quite as extravagant as what she could see in front of her. Even the entrance hall was bigger than her entire house, and decorated with marble and what was probably solid gold. Everyone there was staring at her, and she scanned the faces until she saw who she was looking for – the raven-haired girl in the emerald green dress. Wylla bid farewell to Arthur before walking over to where Morgana stood, eyes a little wider than usual, or was that just the makeup?

“Wow,” was all Morgana said, and Wylla grinned as she pressed a kiss to her cheek, “you-you look amazing.”

“I have Gwen to thank for all of it, thank god she knows how to tailor,” Wylla laughed nervously, looking around at the still staring faces, “I… I may be dressed up but I still feel like I don’t belong here.”

“You do. You belong here, with me,” Morgana assured her, taking her hand, “you don’t have to stay long. I just need you here long enough to be able to deny the arrangement from my father,” they stayed in the entrance hall and made small talk with whoever walked past, both of them still hand in hand; Wylla assumed that Morgana was just doing it for appearances, but to her it was comforting – an anchor in an unfamiliar environment, “do you want to go up to my room for a bit? Get away from all of these people?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Wylla breathed, still gripping Morgana’s hand as she led her up the stairs and into smaller, brighter room. She ran her hands through her hair as Morgana sat down on her bed, “how do you deal with these parties as often as you do?”

“You get used to it, I guess. I’ve been going to these parties for almost a decade now, but I still hate it.”

“People will notice that we’ve gone upstairs, how long do you think there is until word gets to Uther?” Wylla asked as she sat down next to Morgana.

“Not long, and we’re gonna have to keep up the lie… But I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with…”

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking we should be kissing when they walk in,” Morgana said sheepishly, and Wylla’s heart started beating faster, “my father will undoubtedly have Mr Sarrum with him, it’d help get the point across.”

“Okay,” Wylla agreed, probably quicker than she should’ve. She was about to say something else when she heard footsteps getting closer to the room; without a second thought, Wylla cupped Morgana’s face in her hands and kissed her. Morgana let out a small noise of surprise but soon melted into the kiss, pulling Wylla closer by her waist. It took more than a few moments for them to realise the door hadn’t opened and stop kissing, but their foreheads still rested together, “okay, I guess I have to say something now.”

“Say what?” Morgana asked, breathing heavily.

“I like you Morgana, I really like you, and not just as a friend. I-I don’t think I realised it before, but this whole fake girlfriend thing brought it to the surface. I just… I want to be honest with you,” Wylla had closed her eyes as she spoke, and when she finally opened them, she saw Morgana grinning with tears in her eyes, “are you okay?”

“There’s a reason I asked you to pretend to be my girlfriend, Wylla.”

“Because I’m a drama student and I’m literally doing a whole course on pretending to be something?”

“Because I think you’re really sweet, and funny, and kind… and you’re gorgeous – even more so in this suit, you’re killing my Wyl,” Morgana laughed nervously, and Wylla stroked a thumb across her cheek, “I really like you too. I asked you to be my fake girlfriend because I really want you to be my real girlfriend.”

“Are you seriously asking me out?”

“Well, if I remember correctly, we already have dinner and a movie planned, so the date is sorted. I just have to ask the question…”

“Then ask it.”

“Will you be my girlfriend? My actual girlfriend?”

“Take a wild guess, Pendragon,” Wylla grinned as she pressed her lips against Morgana’s, kissing her passionately. And then the door opened.

“Morgana!” Uther gasped loudly, the sudden noise breaking the couple apart, “What is going on here?”

“Father…” Morgana started, standing from the bed and taking a step towards Uther and the man Wylla assumed to be Mr Sarrum, “this is my girlfriend, Wylla Lionel.”

“I thought we agreed that you were going to date Will Sarrum,” Uther argued through gritted teeth, “he’s a nice young man-”

“Exactly!” Morgana exclaimed, “Young man. I told you already, I don’t like men.”

“It’s just a phase, Morgana,” Uther sighed, and Wylla tensed, clenching her fists and moving to stand beside Morgana, taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

“It isn’t a phase, Mr Pendragon,” she said, “my father thought the same, he left us the day my mother decided to fight his idea of sending me to therapy to try and change what gender I love. I hate to break it to you, trying to prevent Morgana from being herself will just distance you from her, and forcing her into a relationship with a man to serve your business goals will make it worse. I love your daughter, Mr Pendragon, and nothing-” Wylla was cut off when the back of Uther’s hand made contact with her face and he grabbed the corner of her jacket.

“Get out of my house, now!” he shouted, and Wylla threw a terrified glance at a crying Morgana as someone grabbed her arm and dragged her from the room. She tried to fight it but it was pointless, she was dragged out of the house and thrown to the ground outside the house. Wylla was crouched there for a few moments, gathering her thoughts as tears fell, before she picked up her phone and dialled the first number she thought of.

“Wylla?” Merlin answered, “Aren’t you meant to be at the party?”

“Ca-can you come and pick me up, please?” she choked out, “I’m still at the house, I don’t know how to get home.”

“I’ll be there in 15, hang in there Wyl,” he said before hanging up, and he was true to his word – just shy of 15 minutes later, Merlin’s car parked up outside the gates. He rushed over to her and helped her get in the car, driving to the nearby park, “come on, you need some air,” he walked around to help her out, and they started walking through the park together, hand in hand, “do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Uther,” she muttered, “he wants Morgana to date, well, marry Will Sarrum.”

“The snobby prick from Arthur’s business class?”

“The very same – Amata Motors uses Pendragon Financing to manage their accounts, Uther wants them to be together to make sure that continues when Will takes over the business. But, of course, Morgana isn’t into guys at all so she asked me to pretend to be her girlfriend to go against Uther.”

“Wait, you’re not actually dating?” Merlin questioned, and Wylla sighed.

“Let me give you the full story first,” she said, and he nodded for her to continue as they sat down on one of the benches, “I agreed, of course, because just the idea of it was horrible. But, in the days approaching the party, I realised that I actually really like Morgana. I confessed to her, and she said that the reason she asked me to do it was because she liked me too. We were kissing when Uther walked in with Will’s father, and he got really angry. I tried to stand up for her, but he hit me and threw me out of the house. And now, I-I don’t know what he’s going to do to Morgana for not obeying him,” Wylla’s voice broke as she cried, and Merlin hugged her tightly.

“Morgana is strong, she’s really strong, I’m sure she’ll be okay,” he assured her, and then there was a shout from across the park.

“Wylla!” it was Morgana, running towards them, so Wylla got up to meet her halfway.

“Morgana,” she sighed, relieved as she embraced her girlfriend, “you’re okay. Wait,” she pulled away from the hug and held Morgana’s face in her hands, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Morgana assured her, before wincing away as Wylla touched a rapidly forming bruise on her jaw.

“He hurt you,” Wylla cried, “I’m sorry, I should’ve fought back harder, I-”

“It’s okay. We argued for a while and he hit me, but then he threw me out.”

“Oh god…”

“No, this is good,” Morgana assured her, wiping away the tears that were spilling down Wylla’s cheeks, “I have the money I inherited when my real father died, I’m finally free from Uther, and now we can be together,” Wylla let out a relieved laugh and pressed her lips against Morgana’s, tears streaming down her cheeks as they kissed. But they were happy tears, Morgana was safe and they were together – and that’s all she needed.

I really hope I got all of the warnings that I may have needed but feel free to let me know if there’s anything I missed and I’ll add it to the tags.

Happy Camelove 2021! 🥰💜💙

[panharmonium]

okay.  

i realize this might be a kind of a weird thing for me to devote time to when i’m one episode from the end but honestly?  i just have to.  i have to.  i have a longer piece of meta in this vein that i’ll deal with some other time when i’m less focused on the end of season 5, but given the content of the last couple episodes i just - cannot restrain myself.  the stunning level of deliberate, unnecessary cruelty i witnessed in that one moment yesterday (guess i was WRONG omg i STILL can’t believe i heard that with my own two ears...i probably have the lowest expectations of arthur pendragon out of anybody in this fandom but even i was shocked) - it tipped me right over the edge.  it threw me for an entire loop.  

so, what i have to do right now is take a second to acknowledge the one character who a) predicted this bullshit a long time ago, and b) could have been relied upon to react to it appropriately, that is to say by punching arthur pendragon in the mouth.

fig. A: my Son, ‘I Would Sell Arthur Pendragon to Satan for One Corn Chip’ 

i love him.  

i know we only saw him once.  i don’t care.  he’s the only non-villain across five entire seasons of this show who ever told arthur pendragon to get fucked, and that makes him an absolute hero.

this kid snuck up on me and became my most beloved minor character.  when i first met him, i liked him a normal amount, but i wasn’t as deeply invested in him as i am now.  it wasn’t until i got a little further along in the show and started to see how truly painful merlin’s situation becomes without a friend who knows him that i started thinking about him again, and realized how much i actually appreciated him.

so.  will.

will occupies a...fairly unique position in merlin’s circle.  all of merlin’s other friends eventually become knights, or become queen, and they all hop aboard the arthur pendragon train as they get deeper entwined in camelot’s renaissance.  even gwaine, who is a little iffy about arthur in the very beginning, becomes as loyal a knight as camelot has ever seen, and he’s just as invested in camelot’s flourishing as anyone.  and i don’t say this to throw shade at him, or at lancelot, or anybody; those two in particular have absolutely always been true friends to merlin, regardless of the vows they took to camelot.  but there is just something to be said for like - merlin does not have a single person in his life right now who cares about him without also being beholden to arthur.  gwen and gaius and all of the knights are sworn to serve and protect the king.  they are all fully aboard the arthur pendragon train, and on board with merlin’s mission to aid arthur and keep him safe.  gwen, gwaine, gaius, lancelot - even merlin’s own mother is on that train, when she tells merlin he has to go back to camelot at the end of 1.10, saying “you belong at arthur’s side.  i’ve seen how much he needs you.”  

these people would not argue with merlin over the merits of sacrificing things for arthur, because they, too, would do anything for their king.  they wouldn’t necessarily challenge merlin on statements like “his life is worth a hundred of mine,” because they understand what merlin means.  they’re on that same page.  

and that’s nice and all, but given recent events (and forthcoming events, i suspect) i suppose i just am feeling.  a little tired of that.  

i’m tired of the arthur pendragon train.  i want to get off.  i want MERLIN to get off.  and the only other person in the world who ever believed that merlin deserved to get off the arthur pendragon train was will.

all the most recent episodes i’m watching are highlighting for me once again how little merlin settles for in his life.  he can’t be known.  he can’t be seen.  he can’t be accepted.  he can’t be listened to.  he can’t be believed.  he can’t be respected.  he can’t be safe.  he can’t be loved.  he can’t say ‘i am sorry that i can’t go with you to this place’ (for the first time in HOW many years?) without receiving a deliberately nasty, cutting slap across the face.

and we try to rationalize this away; we try to look at the good parts (and yes, there are good parts, of course there are good parts; of course arthur and merlin care about each other) but the ultimate truth is that arthur isn’t merlin’s real friend, not yet.  he thinks he is.  but he isn’t.  a real friend isn’t someone who might kill you if they knew who you were.  a real friend isn’t someone who makes you feel like you have to pretend to be someone you’re not.  

you cannot be loved if you aren’t safe. 

the only person who ever acknowledges this dynamic is will.  will sees the parts of arthur that merlin tries not to look at, and will loves merlin enough to say ‘this situation you are in is messed up.’  he’s the only one, across five seasons of this show, who ever comes right out and says that merlin is fooling himself when it comes to this ‘friendship.’  merlin might have other people who care about him, later, but all of them are as wrapped up in arthur’s well-being as merlin is.  they don’t tell merlin he deserves better.  they don’t tell merlin ‘this is shitty.  this is a shitty situation you’re settling for.  you deserve more than this.’

five seasons, and will is the only person who ever says this.  merlin’s own mother won’t tell him this.

i’ve been thinking about will kind of a lot as i watch these episodes.  

i think...i think will would lose his mind if he could see merlin at the end of this show.  at ANY point in this show, practically.  he would be so devastatingly angry.  if he ever heard “his life is worth a hundred of mine” come out of merlin’s mouth - i mean.  he’d kill somebody.  he'd thump merlin upside the head and then go kill somebody.

will was only ever in this for merlin.  he didn’t save arthur’s life because he’d started to like the guy; he did it because that’s just who he is.  he saw someone about to get shot and his first instinct was to get in the way.  he’s not riding the arthur pendragon train, and he’s certainly not riding the camelot train, but he still makes sure merlin can go safely back to the citadel, because for some unfathomable reason, merlin seems to feel that it’s important.

because - and this is so important here - will doesn’t even know anything about merlin’s ‘destiny.’  they didn’t have time to talk about dragons or destinies or any of that.  all will knows is that it’s important to merlin, for whatever reason, and that’s enough to make it important to will.  even though he doesn’t understand it.  even though he doesn’t agree with it.  even though he personally thinks arthur’s a loser.  he does what he does so that merlin can have what he wants, so that merlin can be safe and happy in the city of his choice.

SAFE and HAPPY.  and merlin isn’t either of those things.  merlin has never been less safe than he is now.  and merlin hasn’t been happy for a very long time.

will would be rolling over in his grave if he could see merlin now.  he would have fought against the sort of...slow self-immolation we see merlin surrendering himself to here every step of the way.  will told a prince to fuck off in front of the entire population of ealdor; he wouldn’t have any qualms about telling ‘destiny’ to get stuffed, either.  and i find myself missing that single-minded devotion, that uncompromising affirmation of merlin’s intrinsic worth, as opposed to merlin’s importance as a prophesied figure out of myth, as the skies darken over merlin’s head and i see him getting ready to (i think) do something that would send will into an absolute rage.  

none of merlin’s friends or family have ever wanted him to suffer, but will was the only one who saw where this was going, a long, long time ago.  he knew from the beginning that it wasn’t right.  and like...people can complain about him refusing to jump on board the arthur+merlin ship all they want, but the reason he doesn’t get on that boat is because he’s always been captain and sole passenger of the HMS Merlin, and he is the only one who has ever understood that these two boats, with the way the world works right now, just can’t sail together.  so much would have to change first.

so like...i miss this kid.  i really do.  and i think merlin misses him, too, but not in a way that he can afford to let himself think about.  how can a person in merlin’s position afford to remember someone who always thought that merlin’s happiness and safety were more important than anything, when merlin has, by necessity, spent all these years forcing himself to finally accept that his own happiness and safety will always have to be his last priority?  how can he handle being reminded of a time when someone unconditionally believed that merlin deserved to live in this world and be happy, not because of what merlin could do or what great purpose he would serve, but simply because he is.  just because he exists.  because he’s enough as he is.  he matters just as he is.  he deserves to be safe and happy just because he is, not because of what he can do for his majesty the prince.

i don’t think someone in merlin’s position can afford to think like that, especially now.  i think it’s like - when you’re overwhelmed or stressed or upset and you’re holding it together but then somebody does one simple nice thing for you or gives you a hug and that’s when you lose it and start bawling - it feels like that.  i don’t think merlin could handle being gentled in that way.  i think it would be similar to when gwaine tells him “not arthur” - that inability to conceive of somebody who only cares about him, who puts him first.  i think if merlin allowed himself to remember that there was in fact a time in his life when he was someone’s first priority, if he remembered what that felt like - he would crack right down the middle.  

i think if someone were to really remind him of what he deserves from this life, to remind him of what he used to hope he would one day have, he would never be able to do what he thinks he needs to do.

anyway.  

the point of all this is just that as i enter the very end of this show and see merlin still - still - being deliberately gutted by someone who is supposed to love him, someone for whom merlin has been totally willing to give up his life a hundred times over, despite never being recognized and never being accepted and never being free - it is making me appreciate even more keenly the very few people in merlin’s life who chose not to treat him that way.  the very, very few people who knew him and loved him just the way he was.  and in particular it makes me appreciate will, who never had eyes for anybody but merlin, and who, uniquely among merlin’s friends, could not care less about arthur pendragon if you paid him.

after the last episode, i’m just really feeling his energy.  

[uniasus]

While technically a very delayed day 12 for summer of whump, the ‘reliving your death’ part turned into something much bigger.

BBC Merlin, Mordred POV. Read here or the whole 2K on Ao3.

-----

Mordred remembered it all. They all do, obviously, even if the memories didn’t kick back into place until they all sat around the new round table. He could tell by how the other knights – could he even call himself a knight? - shot him shy glances.  

The worse was the small looks Leon or Guinevere gave him. Every time their eyes slide his way Mordred remembered locking eyes with Arthur and sliding his sword through the king's gut. Arthur had been too stunned to see him he hadn't brought up his sword to defend. And Mordred, too stunned at actually running his old liege lord through, had similarly put up no defense with Arthur returned the favor.  

Arthur might acknowledge the complicated situation that led them to Camlann, saw the path that led Morgana there, Mordred there, Arthur and all the knights, but it was Mordred that essentially prevented Arthur’s Golden Age. Worse, as Mordred watched Merlin serve them all lemonade, saw his flinch, learned that the other man had the same justification for violence as Mordred and  didn't  take it, Mordred knew he could have chosen not to wield that dragon-forged sword.  

Even knighted, he was still a child, wasn't he? Acting on impulses, putting his needs and wants first despite the oath he'd taken. Once, he had sat at Arthur's Round Table. Had been so proud to be among such renowned men. Now, he felt ashamed. Unworthy.  

Arthur sat tall in his seat, a man more understanding and compassionate than Mordred could ever be, completely unbothered by sharing a table with his killer.

And worse, behind him stood Merlin, Emrys, the man Mordred had wanted to impress above all others, the man who had faced the same trials and chose the opposite choice every single time.

I shouldn't be here,  Mordred ran a finger along the edge of this new, modern table. Yet, he didn't know where else to go.

Mordred stayed close to the group, but out of the way for the rest of the day. The new knight, or new to him would be a better term for Lancelot, and Mordred absorbed the stories the other told, completing each other's histories. In explaining Camlann to Lancelot and Elyan, Arthur made no effort to hide the fact that he died on Mordred's sword. But the king – ex-king? – glossed over the event and Leon took over, explaining how an aggressive Essetir had forced the druids into Camelot, Camelot's alliance with the druids, and the ensuing war that united Essetir and Camelot into a single kingdom.

Leon spoke of Merlin fighting with the knights, of marrying Guinevere, and Percival took up the tale of Merlin's kingship and how Camelot flowered.  

Guinevere, by that point, had disappeared, but Mordred could tell Arthur wished desperately to find her.  

Mordred, for his part, sat silently on the floor of the room and listened to what sounded like a truly Golden Age for Albion. A sorcerer-king. Magic helping the kingdom grow. Acceptance, or progress toward it.  

It wasn’t anything like the prophecies had led him to believe it would be like.  

It was better.  

He hated himself so much for having missed it and dreamed of how it could have been with the Once and Future King at the helm.

Mordred woke with the sun, the magic of the Earth waking in the light and stirring his own mind. He blinked, not understanding the ceiling above him before his memories caught up.  

Arthur’s knights, Mordred included, had risen again to aid with an unknown threat.  

Groaning, he sat up. His sleep hadn’t been peaceful between thoughts and dreams and the unfamiliar bed, but he was up and there was nothing for it. Might as well go outside and enjoy a bit of peace.  

Merlin’s house was larger, a castle in its own right, though it seemed to be made of less sturdy material. No stone here, but he appreciated the smoothness of the walls and floor.  

Downstairs, he wondered trying to find the door that opened to the garden with the table in it. Thankfully, the first floor was smaller than the second one. He found the strange clear door that let outside, but he found his attention caught by Merlin.  

He stood in the strange modern kitchen, leaning against the center island and looking out the window into the nearby woods. His fingers played with a coin and it was obvious he wasn’t thinking about what he was doing, yet items move through the kitchen guided by his magic.  

On the counter beside Merlin, a large bag of herbs was tipped into a small metal strainer. The strainer then gently inserted itself into the mouth of a teapot, which itself silently floated out of a cabinet to land on the center island.  

It was such an effortless use of magic, maintaining several spells at once, and Merlin – no, Emrys, he really was Emrys in this moment – didn't seem to know he was doing it. How had he looked in Camelot, as its sorcerer-king? Even as Mordred thought it, a stray sunbeam brushed Merlin’s brow through the window, making his skin glow to match the steady glow in his eyes.

Instantly, Mordred dropped to his knee. The desire was instinctual, automatic. Before him was a warlock in command of more power than anyone else would have, who ruled Camelot for forty years. This man, with his sharp face, wise eyes, and deep magic, could rule the world if he wanted. And because he didn’t, people had loved and trusted him.

“I’m sorry,” Mordred choked out.

Emrys started, turning to see Mordred kneeling on the floor, kitchen items frozen where they were. Mordred couldn’t see his face, eyes on the floor.

“What are you sorry for?”

“For killing your king.”

“Are you really sorry for that? Would you have done anything different that day?” Emrys’s voice was dry, flat.

Mordred cast his mind back and found the answer. Yet even as he did, he knew it wouldn’t make a difference. For him, the murder of Arthur had been days ago. For Emrys, over a thousand years had passed.  

Emrys seemed to think the same. He gave a deep sigh and Mordred looked up at him. He looked tired, worn. The pressure of figuring out what had called the knights back? The return of knights? The glances Arthur had sent his way all last night, watching Gwen and Emrys interact? Did he even sleep last night?

“You can stand, Mordred. You never did anything else in Camelot anyway, no need to change it. I was going to have tea outside. Join me?” As he said it, the magic in the room faded and the royal aura that had filled the kitchen drained away. Merlin physically moved around the space, pulling out mugs to place on a tray along with several other items. Mordred watched, the man before him now no more than a physician's assistant or servant preparing something for his master. It grated in a way seeing the same thing in Camelot never did.  

Probably because, Mordred thought, he now knew how high Merlin could climb.  

Mordred hurried to open the door to the back garden. Merlin nodded in thanks as he led the way, heading not to the large stone table he’d anchored his spell to but a small table surrounded by a bountiful herb garden. He took one chair, Mordred the other, and Mordred hurried to pour the tea before Merlin could. Merlin rolled his eyes, but let him.

“The answer is no, isn’t it?” Merlin asked, stirring honey in his mug.

“Yes. I... am sorry. I’m sorry I never got to see the Golden Age. I’m sorry things happened the way they did. But if I was thrust back to that day, I think I would still do it. I don’t... I don’t understand why you didn’t.”

“Didn’t do what?”

“Kill him yourself. Arthur killed Kara. And he killed someone you love too.”

Merlin stared into his tea, face blank. He’d been fairly easy to read in Camelot, but Mordred had also seen him pretend nothing was a miss more than once. His years as king must have given him a lot of opportunities to practice controlling his emotions and how to display them.  

“Arthur was involved in the death of several people I loved, but as I love him too and understood his choices, I couldn’t hurt him in return. I was made aware of the prophecies soon after my arrival to Camelot, and it didn’t take me long to learn how strong those prophecies are.”  

He sighed and locked eyes with Mordred. “I tried to stop several prophecies and failed each time. They can perhaps be delayed, but they will happen. I came to terms long ago that Camlann was supposed to happen, that nothing I could have done would have stopped that. You can’t apologize for that, Mordred. You would have always done it, whether you wanted to or not. Destiny is not something you can escape. Weirdly enough, that has given me a sense of comfort.”

"Because they said you’d see Arthur again,” Mordred guessed.  

“Yes. While it didn’t happen the way anyone expected, Arthur shepherded in the Golden Age. He had stopped prosecuting magic, he’d set Camelot on the path to accept it again. He had allies, shaped Gwen and Leon and me into who we needed to be. We built Camelot with Arthur in mind, always imagining what he would want, what he would say or do. And -” here Merlin winced, “I don’t think that Golden Age would have happened if Arthur had lived. There are things Gwen and I did he would have not.

“I’m not offering you forgiveness, Mordred, if that’s what you’re looking for. This morning. But I don’t think I can blame you either, any more than I blame Arthur for a number of things. Especially considering you’re here. You hate it.”

Mordred grimaced. He did hate it. Hated knowing what he missed, knowing that Arthur had thought highly of him up to the end, hated that he didn’t deserve any of what the two kings of Camelot offered yet desired all the same.  

“There are no prophecies now though,” Merlin continued. “I have heard nothing spoken of since before Camlann, and crystals or pools that might give me a vision have not. Do you know what that means?”

Mordred shook his head.  

“It means Destiny is not guiding our actions. Your path might have been pre-ordained in Camelot, but they’re not in Britain. I will a hundred percent blame, judge, and punish you for things that happen from here on out."

“I understand, Emrys.”

“Good.”

“And Arthur?”

“What about him?”

“If Arthur was destined to die at Camlann, if he was never supposed to helm the Golden Age of his kingdom, never be a champion of magic, you can’t fully blame him for his actions then. But now that he knows things? Knows better? Are you going to hold him accountable?”

Merlin froze, mug an inch from his mouth, before setting it down on the table between them. “I’ll teach him, I suspect I won’t be the only one. But I’m not going to judge him until he makes a choice. I can’t hold him accountable for the past, Mordred. But yes, like you, his fresh start began yesterday.”

Mordred frowned, thinking of what he learned in Camelot, what he learned last night. “I can’t follow him, not like he used to. Maybe it was Destiny, maybe it wasn’t, but it still hurts. But Merlin, Emrys, knowing what you have done, knowing what you can do -”

“Arthur’s the Once and Future King, Mordred.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s why he rose.”

His tone was final, but Mordred had never heard the actual words of the prophecy. Had Arthur risen because of Albion’s need? Or had something else triggered Merlin’s spell? Was the one who rose the Once and Future King, or was that title separate from Arthur’s destiny? Was now even the ‘future’ of the Once and Future King? Maybe in another five hundred years, Merlin would wear another crown.  

In his past life, Mordred had followed Arthur because of the hope he stood for, because he had Emrys at his back. In this life, why not follow Emrys himself? He had the track record Arthur lacked.

[gremlinbehaviour]

Dealer's choice of Knights 'you're safe now' kiss?

Set just after (or maybe during the very end of?) The Sword in the Stone Part 2.

They'd known from reclaiming the castle from Morgana the first time, only two years ago, that the aftermath would be nearly as chaotic as the battle itself. It was a good thing Gwen had returned; Arthur would have been lost without her. Leon's help was also invaluable for keeping the castle running, as was Merlin's. Percival helped distribute supplies to the townspeople and generally carried anything that needed to be moved, since organization wasn't his forte. It wasn't Gwaine's either, but he offered to try anyway, just for something to do to help. He wasn't strong enough to help Percy. In fact, he was still having trouble standing for more than a few minutes at a time. Arthur had just laid a hand on his shoulder and thanked him for the offer before sending him back to bed.

"I told you he'd turn you down," Elyan said when Gwaine returned to their shared room. His own room was being used as a secondary dining room for the peasants who had pleaded for shelter in the castle, and Gwen also had the ridiculous notion that he shouldn't sleep alone. He stood up to help his friend across the room to his side of the bed, as he didn't look too steady without the hallway wall to hold onto. "He didn't even let me help, and unlike you, I can actually walk without help." His sister had somehow found out about the nathair and insisted that he rest, even though he felt fine. He'd only agreed to stay in the room to look after Gwaine, since otherwise Merlin would have to, and the servant was already busy caring for Gaius and following after Arthur as always.

"I can walk," the other knight insisted. In response, Elyan let go of him, and he toppled immediately into the bed. "Well, I will be able to tomorrow, I'm sure."

"Sure," he humored him. Between the malnutrition, physical exhaustion, and numerous beatings he'd taken, Gwaine would be lucky to be back to even light duties in a week. He was drifting off, fully dressed, within a few minutes of lying down, despite it still being mid afternoon. Elyan, who was only a little tired, nonetheless lay down beside him. He was bored and being awake alone in the room wasn't very appealing, so he might as well get some rest.

He woke up screaming, with Gwaine shaking him awake. Whatever the nightmare had been, for he couldn't remember it, it left him with a sense of terror so profound that tears sprang instantly to his eyes. Alright, so maybe Gwen was right and he wasn't as okay as he tried to pretend.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay, it was just a nightmare," Gwaine reassured him, squeezing his arm. The knight was also trying, and failing, so sit up in bed, probably so that he could light the candle that had gone out. Recognizing that this seemed to be beyond his capabilities, he instead just rolled over and wrapped his arms around Elyan. He wasn't strong enough to squeeze him very tightly, but it was enough. The terrified knight pressed his face into the crook of his shoulder and hugged him back fiercely. Gwaine rubbed his back and leaned down to pepper kisses into his hair. "It's okay, you're safe now. We're not in the dungeon anymore, and Morgana is gone. We're safe." When Elyan had used up his panicked tears and pulled his face back from Gwaine's shoulder, he leaned down to kiss his lips gently after giving him time to pull away. He held his face gently and looked into his friend's dark eyes, searching for any fear or anguish left in them. "Are you okay?" He asked gently. Elyan paused before shaking his head.

"No. I'm not."

"Is there anything I can do? Or that someone else can do, if I'm not up for it."

"I don't think so. I'll just need some time." Sitting up, he rubbed the rest of the tears from his eyes. He could still vaguely hear the sounds of a busy castle through the door and some daylight still crept in under the blinds in the window, so it was likely still evening rather than night. That was good; he had no idea how he was going to react to the dark. "I'm going to go get us some food from the kitchen. We both need to eat." Half a loaf of moldy bread a day had not been enough to sustain them and Gaius, especially when Gwaine was being forced to fight.

"Okay. Be safe, and come back soon."

"Worrywart," Elyan teased, forcing the smile to reach his eyes. "But I will." He had no intention of staying away from Gwaine for long. Not when his lips were reassurance and his arms felt like safety.

[bellamyblakru]

“I have you, it’s okay.” + Merthur 💛 also omg I'm so glad you want to get into writing I can't wait to read it!

thank you so much🥺, you guys have been too kind😭😭 im so excited!! i really love writing, but i learned from that first one that it’s exhausting 😂 gah i love merthur, lets do this (also, the knights are all alive bc i love them//shade lancelot did happen but merlin brought him back for good good) ALSO, this drabble really ran for more than i was actually going for lmfao im sorry its so long

Merlin didn’t know how he wanted Arthur to find out about his magic. Most of Merlin’s recurring nightmares consist of the possibility that Arthur will react the wrong way. After all these years, Merlin dying on the pyre wouldn’t be the worst situation. What Merlin truly dreaded the most was the inevitable betrayal that he would see in Arthur’s eyes, the look he gets when someone he loves hurts him in the most personal way. The look where Arthur thinks he is the problem, not those betraying him. Agravaine, Morgana, Gwen, and even shade-Lancelot made Arthur vulnerable enough for him to love them just to be stabbed in the back one way or another because of it. Arthur blames himself when his people turn their backs on him, and Merlin refuses to get that look from Arthur.

 Killing Merlin, as horrible as it sounds, would probably be kinder. Merlin cares more for Arthur than words could describe. It wasn’t because of prophecy, or because Arthur was a good person and an even better King, it was because Merlin loves Arthur. It is as simple as that. Merlin loves the way Arthur smirks when bantering, the way he smiles when he is helping someone in need, the way he fights for his people, the way he never gives up hope no matter what happens or who they face, the way his eyes light up when sparring with his knights. Imagining Arthur shutting him out, away from his light, was a staggering enough thought that kept Merlin quiet.

At first, it was because of Uther. Merlin wouldn’t make Arthur pick between them, even if Merlin always thought that Arthur would always pick Uther. Then it was Morgana, then it was every little excuse that allowed Merlin to push back the truth further behind his happy facade. Arthur expressed his hatred of magic enough to let Merlin understand that he wouldn’t be accepted...even if Merlin was magic itself. 

There has never been a person more devoted to another human than Merlin to Arthur. Without one, there was no other. The castle knew this, as did the knights. Gwaine and Lancelot would tease him relentlessly about his love for Arthur, but even they did not know the half of his dedication to the Once and Future King. 

Merlin is the most powerful warlock to ever walk to earth, and he was terrified to tell his best friend his two deepest secrets. The warlock part, of course, and the part where Merlin’s entire existence was to serve, protect, and love Arthur to his dying breath. Merlin believes that Arthur might have an inkling that Merlin is truly in love with him, but Arthur never let too much show between them if he does know. Servant and King. The one born because of magic and the one born made of magic. Two sides, one coin (if the large reptile had a say in this). They were like the sun and the moon, destined to rotate but not touch. Arthur was Merlin’s sun, his light, his hopes, his destiny. 

Today was hunting day for Arthur, which meant Merlin pretended to grumble the whole morning about spending time with the knights and the king simply so he could see Arthur’s eyes light up with that playful glow. The Knights of the Roundtable were with them today, to Merlin’s delight. Gwaine and Lancelot were finally getting closer to each other through Merlin, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic about it. They were the closest to brothers he ever had, and he was so grateful to have them in his life. Lancelot was welcomed back after the whole scandal since Morgana was outed, but Gwen decided to permanently end things with Arthur. Merlin was upset they weren’t together anymore, but Arthur did not seem too distraught about the news. Arthur probably sees the way Lancelot looks at Gwen and figured he couldn’t compete with that love, which made Merlin’s heart clench painfully.

Merlin was riding beside Arthur when the unimaginable happened. The forest was quiet in the way that made Merlin’s magic crawl, but no one seemed concerned with his fears. Merlin knew better. Right before the army ambushed, Merlin simply looked at Arthur. Arthur looked like he was bathing in sunlight, with a golden halo and his sparking sword hanging by his side, laughing at something Gwaine was talking about. Merlin’s life was Arthur’s well-being, and if it meant Arthur hated him for the rest of his life, then so be it.

The minute they entered the clearing, the laughter died. The knights reacted immediately with their King leading the way, swinging off their horses and preparing for battle. The army wasn’t too big, but it was Morgana’s—meaning magic users of different degrees everywhere. Her army did not look impressive, but the true power was in the hidden fact that each one of her soldiers wielded some magic. Merlin could feel it in the air. He could almost taste the potential power these people had, and he knew today was the day he has been dreading since he realized his love for Arthur.

Today was the day of Merlin’s betrayal—but it was the only choice. Arthur’s safety goes beyond what Merlin wanted..it always would, no matter how this ended.

Merlin didn’t waste any more time. He spelled the knights and his king to the ground with one look, saw the shocked expressions on different faces (he didn’t dare look at Arthur yet), but he did not let himself ponder them for too long. He thought up a shield then, putting those he loved in a bright, golden bubble of protection. Knowing they were safe allowed Merlin to relax for a second before turning his attention to the problem coming at him. He counted thirty sorcerers, with Morgana leading the charge. He took a second to truly look at Morgana. Her hair was matted, her clothing ripped, her eyes were darkened by the nightmares she is no doubt plagued with. He felt such pity and sorrow at that moment, a feeling so intense that time itself stopped around him. 

He walked up to Morgana, whose eyes were frozen gold with fury. He saw Aithusa in the back, and allowed time to continue for her alone. He spoke quietly to her, telling her how he is sorry for letting her stray so far and how he wasn’t there for her when she needed him the most. Aithusa, although weary, came closer to Merlin and let him pet her nose. Through the connection, she could see why Merlin wasn’t there for her, or more precisely, who Merlin had to protect above everyone and everything else. Aithusa, by command of Merlin, left then to Kilgharrah who would see to her recovery. Feeling better that his kin would be seen to after this, he focused his attention back to Morgana.

He then unfroze her. She, unexpectedly freed, fell to the ground. She was petrified, Merlin could tell. Her destiny, her doom. He was who she feared at night, who kept her awake after the nightmares, the one who poisoned her for the love of Camelot. Morgana was many things, but a coward is not one of them. She stood her ground, as regally as one can manage after falling, and looked Merlin in the eyes. What she wasn’t expecting was the pain she saw, for her. She started, not understanding his emotion. Quickly, too quickly for anyone to comprehend, Merlin grabbed both sides of her face and chanted with such sadness and despair. He pleaded to the earth’s magic to take her powers, and to use them for good, to help those in need. The earth responded kindly to his request, and it did what was asked of it. Morgana quickly fell asleep in Merlin’s arms, while Merlin was slowly crying over his lost, hurting friend. 

Time unfroze. The army halted, seeing Morgana’s magic flowing into the earth, and decided that a retreat would be more beneficial than attacking Emrys. Merlin could feel the magic leave Morgana, leaving behind a broken girl who’s heart has been hurt too many times to be fair. She deserves another chance, Merlin pleaded once more, and with that thought, the earth healed her enough to be able to live without her powers. She will live, the ground whispered to Merlin, and he tried to choke back a sob. Arthur could have another chance with his sister, and Gwen could finally have her best friend back—if Morgana wished, of course. Gwaine came behind Merlin and slowly peeled her away from him. Merlin staggered up, never using that much raw power before in his life, and started swaying. 

“I have you, it’s okay,” Merlin thought he heard Arthur quaver to him. Strong arms picked him up, and although Merlin was slowly fading, he swore he saw an angel lift him up, crying about how much Merlin meant to him. He passed out before he could make sense of it.

What isn’t said here is the simple fact that Arthur loves Merlin. Arthur loves the way Merlin smiles when he knows he is being sassy, the way his nose crinkles when he disagrees with something Arthur has said, the way Merlin’s eyes look when he says something abnormally wise to Arthur. Arthur is who he is because Merlin believes in him and magic isn’t going to throw it away. Arthur may not understand what just happened, but it wasn’t destructive, or cruel, or evil. It was pure, beautiful magic that only aimed to save the people around it—and wasn’t that who Merlin was at the end of the day? The magic felt like home, like love, so like Merlin that Arthur’s breath caught in his throat. 

He didn’t feel betrayed, surprisingly. He was hurt that Merlin couldn’t trust something so vital, so beautiful about himself because Arthur’s father was a tyrant and drilled something so wrong into Arthur’s mind. But never again will Arthur be swayed by his father’s ghost. Merlin saved him, probably more times than he could count as he continues looking back on their adventures. 

Arthur loves Merlin as much as Merlin loves Arthur, so he knows that no matter what happens after today, that fact will never change. 

[ao3feed-merlin]

High Hopes & Slippery Slopes

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3ujGOjD

by Saltedkiss

 “You’re insane,” Merlin hissed under his breath. He grabbed Gwaine’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “Totally, completely, utterly insane. This won’t work.” 

He used his free hand to straighten his tie before they entered the reception at the fancy hotel bar, where he knew he’d find every single person he worked with.  

“Of course it’ll work. Now laugh as if I’ve said something funny,” Gwaine said through his teeth, a fake smile plastered on his face.

 OR: Merlin's friends get sick of his never-ending pining over his coworker Arthur and come up with a brilliant plan: If Merlin pretends to be dating his best friend, Gwaine, Arthur will realise he's in love with Merlin, too and they'll live happily ever after. There's no way this could go wrong... right?

Words: 14036, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Merlin (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Merlin (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine (Merlin), Lancelot (Merlin), Freya (Merlin), Leon (Merlin), George (Merlin), Morgana (Merlin), Elyan (Merlin), Percival (Merlin)

Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Freya/Gwaine (Merlin), George/Leon (Merlin), Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin)

Additional Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealous Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Alternate Universe - Office, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, This should get the coffee shop AU tag really just because of how often I've used the word coffee, Skiing, Snowboarding, almost kissing in the snow, followed by actual, Kissing in the Snow, I should probably tag for, skiing accident, even though it's minor, always wear your helmets guys, fake/pretend Gwaine/Merlin, Fake Merwaine, Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), Alcohol, honestly they drink a lot of it

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3ujGOjD

[aftercamlann]

After Camlann Big Bang 2019 Masterlist

Thank you to all our wonderful writers, artists, beta readers and hype readers who participated in this years After Camlann Big Bang! We hope you will consider participating again this year! Below is the final masterlist for After Camlann 2019:

Title: Arthur in Avalon Author: harlequin aka slashweaver Artist: altocello Pairings/Characters: Arthur/Guinevere (background), Elyan/Niamh, Arthur/Lancelot, Arthur/Merlin (endgame); Arthur, Niamh and Orlaith (original characters, both Sidhe), Lancelot, Freya, Elyan, Gaius, Merlin Rating: Explicit Word count: 29,000 Summary: Arthur died in Merlin’s arms, and he’d thought that was the end of his story – but then he wakes up in agony in Avalon, as the Sidhe remove Mordred’s sword-point from his flesh. Soon Arthur is convalescing, and befriending Niamh, daughter of the Sidhe Queen Orlaith. He meets up with other old friends in Avalon, too, who find contentment in this place, but Arthur can never quite settle. He wants to return to the mortal world and continue his work. Orlaith tells him that’s possible – but first the Sidhe want something in return for healing him.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Mock the Time Author: seaweed-is-cool Artist: valika56 Pairings/Characters: Arthur/Guinevere (canon), Arthur/Merlin, Merlin, Arthur, Guinevere, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Elyan, Mordred, Morgana, Aithusa, Nusar (OC), Daegal, Gaius Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 49,905 Summary: Magic has returned to Camelot in all its glory in the hope that one day Merlin may return. Three years after his banishment (that only lasted three days truth be told), Merlin does so but appears to be a changed man. Yet appearances can be deceiving. Although Merlin may be familiar to the prospect of treason whilst under the thumb of the usurper of Essetir, the question remains whether he'll be able to betray his destiny. Whether he'll be able to betray the man that he loves. Post S4 AU

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: A single man in possession of a good fortune Author: slantedknitting Artist: @merlocked18 Pairings/Characters: Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Mithian, Arthur/Elena, Arthur/Gwaine, Arthur/Others, Arthur, Merlin, Mithian, Elena, Gwaine, Percy, Mordred, Sophia, Vivian, Gwen, Leon, Kilgharrah, Uther, Morgana, Hunith Rating: Explicit Word count: 44,000 Summary: Arthur is the first openly bisexual Leading Man on the popular dating show, Most Eligible, where he’s meant to find his one true love—and get engaged. He comes to the show with the goal of finding a wife, but he still has to date all of the male contestants. And one of them, a certain Merlin, keeps making it harder and harder to stick to his original plans. Arthur knows what he wants though, and he’s pretty such it’s Mithian. Or is it Elena? Could it be Gwaine? Maybe it’s actually Merlin after all? What a pickle.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Counterfeit Princess Author: JessicaMDawn / Artist: delicious-irony Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Gwen/Lancelot; Merlin, Arthur, Morgana, Gwen, Gwaine, Gaius, Lancelot, Will, Agravaine, etc. Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 33,570 Summary: Morgana le Fay is Duchess of Ealdor, a moderately sized city in the kingdom of Albion. Her two best friends are Gwen, her handmaid, and Merlin, the physician’s assistant. One day news arrives that Prince Arthur is coming to town to meet her, but why? When Morgana goes missing the day before Prince Arthur arrives, Gwen approaches Merlin with an idea: Merlin can pretend to be Morgana until the Lady is found. The idea is ludicrous - not least of all because Merlin is a man - but with a little bit of magic it might actually work. The plan starts out well, with Morgana’s guard out searching for her while Merlin distracts the prince…except that Merlin finds himself falling in love with Arthur, who is visiting with the intention of making Morgana his queen. A gender bending fairy tale fic.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: The Prat Whisperer Author: bunnysworld Artist: lfb72 Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Gwaine/Percy, Morgana, Leon, Aggravaine, some minor OCs and a horse Rating: Explicit Word count: 44,260 Summary: Arthur buys a beautiful stallion that turns out to be un-ride-able. Morgana convinces him to seek help from a horse whisperer. Arthur doesn't believe in such stuff, but he's at his wit's end, so he allows Morgana to make the call. Merlin and his crew come to Camelot Estates to help a horse in need. Will he be able to whisper to the horse? And probably its owner, too?

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Of Lions, Foxes and Bears Author: Szpurka Artist: Chikynosora Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Will, Hunith, Gwaine, Jarl Rating: Explicit Word count: 43,472 Summary: Five years ago in The Great War Against Sorcery Prince Arthur went missing in the middle of a battlefield. WIth King Uther’s untimely death a few months later, the war ended. Then Agravaine (late Ygraine’s younger brother) has settled on the throne of Camelot, seemingly a friend of all things magic. Now, a wounded unconscious man emerges from the lake near Ealdor, where Merlin does his laundry. Merlin’s fascination with the man pushes him right into the heart of an intrigue he never dreamed of, filled with revenge, politics and adventures. He also learns more about himself, his powers and his destiny, all the while trying to help keep his heart from being corrupted by blood and war.

Story and art are here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Travel far enough, you’ll meet yourself Author: slantedknitting Artist: @schweet_heart Pairings/Characters: Arthur/Merlin, Arthur/Mithian, Arthur, Merlin, Mithian, Elena, Gwaine, Gwen, Lancelot, Kilgharrah, Gaius, Hunith Rating: Explicit Word count: 31,000 Summary: Merlin has his father’s journals and spell books, but he wants a deeper connection to the history of magic in his family, so he studies abroad in Estonia where his father used to live. There, he meets Arthur, who seems to be coming under attack from mysterious people in Tallinn. Merlin’s never been very good at wielding his own magic, but it starts working with him more and more as he uses it to protect himself—and to protect Arthur. Too bad Arthur is a standoffish prat who probably doesn’t deserve the help, but Merlin’s magic doesn’t seem to mind.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: draíocht Author: amuk Artist: Nivelle Pairings/Characters: Arthur/Gwen, Merlin, Lancelot, Gwaine, Tristan, Morgana, Mordred, Percival, Leon, Elyan Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 27,000 Summary: Arthur will return, at a time of great need. Well, the king had returned, along with all of his knights, but Merlin wasn't quite clear about the 'great need' part. Maybe it was the fact that Morgana and Morded had returned too, proving it wasn't just the good who got reincarnated. Or maybe it was just Arthur's great need, since Gwen might have returned but she didn't seem to care for him much. Or maybe the great need was the headache forming in Merlin's forehead and all he really needed as an aspirin.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: A Dream Doesn’t Become Reality Through Magic Author: violeteyedhair Artist: siennavie Pairings/Characters: Gwaine/Merlin, Arthur/Gwen, Percival, Gaius, Nimueh Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 26,000 Summary: When Gwaine finds Merlin unconscious, he can’t help but follow the man he loves into a strange, enchanted dream world where the Purge never happened and Merlin’s magic is celebrated. He has to convince Merlin that returning to a world where he hides his magic is somehow best. They then uncover the source of the enchantment, and that Arthur, too, has been trapped in a dream, along with everyone else. And to make matters worse, all of this is getting in the way of his courtship with Merlin, which is horribly troublesome and not exactly going as planned…

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: War of Attrition Author: DLanaDHZ Artist: Lefayeart Pairings/Characters: endgame Merlin/Arthur, early Merlin/Gwaine, Lancelot/Gwen, Gaius, Hunith, Uther, brief appearances by Will and Elyan. Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 36,818 Summary: Moving to a new university to live closer to his mother, who has had a recent health scare, really shouldn't be this difficult. However, Merlin's new roommate, Arthur Pendragon, is determined to force Merlin to move out before he's even moved in! A prank war ensures, personal items go missing, and parties are minefields. Merlin's dorm life royally sucks, but not everything is terrible at school. He's got some new friends, including the sweet Gwen, and there's a sexy footballer named Gwaine who's too suave for his own good. Anything can happen in college, even going from enemies to friends to... more? Man, feelings are complicated.

Story is here | Art is here and here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Sea Change Author: fictionista654 Artist: mistbornhero Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Freya/Nimueh, Arthur Pendragon, Merlin, Freya, Nimueh Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 50,816 Summary: Ever since his mother died in a boat crash two years ago, Arthur Pendragon has been wracked with guilt and grief. His one touchstone is an online novel called The Ladies of the Lake. When Arthur sends the author Dragoon the Great a complimentary email, it sparks an online friendship. In his emails to Dragoon, Arthur can pretend that his life isn’t a total disaster. In reality, his therapist is forcing him to spend the summer in the beach town where his mother died. There he meets and falls in love with the completely weird, utterly lovable Merlin. But Merlin has his own baggage, which threatens to destroy their burgeoning relationship.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: A Window in Time Author: Ivalee Artist: aarins_rou / brolinskeep Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Morgana, Gwen, Gwaine Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 29,676 Summary: Geophysicist, Arthur Pendragon, receives a grant from his sister's company for a research venture in a newly discovered cave. His first day on the project, Arthur follows a mysterious voice into a small cavern. He finds himself talking with Merlin, who claims to be a sorcerer from the 14th century. Arthur becomes so enamored with his new friend that he won't leave the cave, which naturally concerns his sister, and not just because she needs his research to increase profits. When Merlin is captured for using magic, Arthur is desperate to rescue him, but how can he help someone 700 years in the past?

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Vârcolac Author: rotrude Artist: lfb72 Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur; minor Gwen/Daegal Rating: Explicit Word count: 44,000 Summary: 1740, Young Queen Maria Theresa of Austria sends Hauptmann Arthur Pendrachen and Leutnant Oberarzt Merlin Emriß to Transylvania, currently belonging to the Austrian Crown, with the task of dissuading the locals from believing in legends and myths that are archaic, provincial and frankly absurd. This is the Century of Philosphers, the Age of Enlightment and the state must spread rationality and scientific thinking all around! In short Pendrachen and Emriß are to drive some sense into those credulous peasants who still believe in the undead, also known as vârcolaci, moroi -- vampires. It all starts to plan, but their journey journey ends up being fraught with less Enlightment and more peril than they'd wagered for.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Lay Your Head Down on the Shoulder of a Good Friend Author: skitz_phenom Artist: siennavie Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Uther, Ygraine, Balinor, Hunith, Leon, Elyan, Lancelot, Percival, Gwaine, Guinevere, Gaius, Kilgharrah, Nimueh, addt’l Rating: Explicit Word count: 97,000 Summary: With Camelot readying for the upcoming gathering of rulers of the Southern Kingdoms to discuss peace, Uther has tasked Arthur with an additional duty: befriend the Prince of Essetir and learn anything he can of King Balinor, and of magic, and of dragons, that might be of interest should the treaty not succeed. That's easier said than done, as he and Prince Merlin don't exactly hit it off immediately. But, befriending Merlin and learning of magic and life in Essetir leads Arthur down the paths of discovering long held secrets surrounding his own birth, and his mother's ill health, and his father's hatred of all things magic. Adding even more complications to the mix are rowdy knights, frustrating princesses, a possible traitor in their midst, and an overly-verbose dragon; not to mention the burgeoning and peculiar feelings for his fellow prince that Arthur struggles to put a name to.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Gladiator Author: @clea2011 Artist: lfb72 Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur Rating: Mature Word count: 115,000 Summary: When Cenred and his army of sorcerers conquer Camelot, Arthur loses everything. His home, his kingdom, his father, his sister… all are taken from him and he's forced to fight for his life for public entertainment. Thrown in with strangers, Arthur makes new friends and dangerous enemies. He knows he’s probably living on borrowed time but one man and a baby dragon just might make a difference - if he can survive his next fight.

Story is here | Art is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

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Title: Take Us Back Author: sdewan6 Pairings/Characters: Merlin/Arthur, Gwen/Morgana, Leon/Percival Rating: Teen and Up Word count: 28,000 Summary: All of Arthur's and Merlin's friends are dead (Gwen, Elyan, Gwaine) or dying (Gaius). They fight themselves to move past it as other kingdoms circle greedily to take advantage of their weakened state after the war with Morgana. And while Leon and Percival grow closer, Merlin and Arthur drift apart for the king struggles to accept Merlin's magic. And, to make everything worse, Merlin gets kidnapped just as all his magic runs out. Great. Just great.

Story is here | Reblog on Tumblr here

[thebikles]

Little Merlin fan fiction

Merlin whistled as he hurried through the castle corridors. It was a wandering, happy sort of sound, slipping in and out of recognizable melody, standing just adjacent to music.

He carried a neatly folded crimson cloak and a pile of clinking bits and pieces of armor on top of that. For once, Merlin didn’t mind his heavy burden or how awfully early he’d been forced out of bed. 

For this day was special. It was the start of the yearly jousting tournament and though Merlin would never admit it to Giaus or anyone else, he was quite excited. 

He loved the way everyone got all dressed up (well, even more than usual), how banners flickered crisply in the wind and golden coat of arms flashed in the noonday sun, and how the collected knights, the best fighters in all the land would stand waiting, looking imperiously on. 

Part of Merlin was impressed by the spectacle of it all while another side of him couldn’t help but laugh at how seriously everyone took themselves.  Either way it promised to be an entertaining day. 

But it was the games that Merlin particularly looked forward to. It was his job to stand just on the sidelines and assist Gaius while he attended to any injuries. From that vantage point, Merlin could taste the kicked up dust, hear the knights’ ragged breathing and spot a frenzied glint in the horses’ liquid brown eyes.   

He liked the comforting thrill of being close enough to the danger and excitement while never being expected to actually get involved. The adrenaline rush minus anyone attempting to murder him.  

Merlin climbed another set of stairs, passed a window where he paused for a moment to watch the brightly colored tents being set up and continued to the door of Arthur’s chambers. 

He pushed it open with his shoulder calling out as he did so, “It’s me! I brought your armor and I promise I didn’t forget anything this time.”  

Merlin stopped as he took in the empty bedroom and heard a muffled voice leaking from the little adjoining closet. 

“Go away Merlin.” 

Merlin let out a little humorless laugh. Of course. On the one day he got to have a bit fun Arthur had found something to be moody about just to spoil it. Merlin took a fortifying breath and then another for good measure, determined not to let him. 

“But, uh- Your Highness, I’ve come to get you ready for the big tournament. That’s kind of my job... “

“I said, go away.” 

That’s when Merlin heard it, a strange, jerky stiffness fraying the edges of Arthur’s customary annoyance. It was the sound of a man’s last defense against an onslaught of tears, held together by a painful mix of pride and force of will. 

He froze, mouth falling open unwittingly. This was new. Merlin had seen the prince in plenty of moods: joyous or bored or drunk or furious or determined. But never vulnerable.  Never with a rawness in his voice that suggested he was about to unravel.  

Merlin set down his bundle of armor as soundlessly as he could on the bed, totally unsure of how to proceed. This was dangerous, uncharted territory.  Merlin should probably act like a regular servant, he should probably do as he was told. But when had our hero ever done anything that was regular? 

All he knew was that Arthur was sad, and despite everything, Merlin’s heart hurt a little to think of it. 

“Arthur? Are you alright?” 

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut, anticipating an avalanche of shouts which never came. Instead they sat through a long telling silence, then, 

“No.” 

He took that as an invitation, crossing the room to find Arthur sitting with his back to the closet door. The prince swiped furtively at his eyes when he saw Merlin approaching and looked pointedly away. 

Merlin sat down at a respectful distance and waited in what he hoped was companionable silence. 

Arthur sighed. “You can’t tell anyone about this. You promise?” 

The prince fixed him with a piercing blue-eyed stare and Merlin’s heart stuttered. 

“Y-yes, I swear.”   

“Okay. It’s just that-” Arthur punched the words into the air then seemed to lose all momentum. They sat for a while longer and it took all of Merlin’s willpower not to relieve the silence.  

 “I’ve always hated these things. The crowds which make me feel like I’m on display and the knights from neighboring kingdoms who always seem to hate me on sight. And my father-” he stumbled over that word then regained his footing, “My father sitting up in that podium, Merlin it’s like he never blinks, and he expects so much from me. They all expect so much from me!” 

Arthur crescendoed at the end, slamming his fist against the wall with each word. Then he seemed to deflate, his eyes losing something, his voice falling to barely above a whisper. 

“What if I fail, Merlin? What if I’m not who they all think I am and want me to be? What if I’m not good enough? Because did you know that I’m freaking out all of the time and I have no idea what I’m doing and sometimes it hurts to have to wear this “prince” mask all the time and pretend like I do.”

Arthur let out a shuddering breath and looked away again. 

“That’s all.” 

Merlin sat back a little like he was making room for something. “Arthur I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” 

The words fell with a clatter to the floor between them and Merlin felt the subtle, corkscrew-like shame of having said the wrong thing. He tried again. 

“Hey, Arthur. Look at me. You are not a failure. You’re the best sword fighter I’ve ever seen and you always try to do the right thing even when it’s hard and and you’re so brave…” and good looking and kind when you think no one’s watching. 

“The point is it doesn’t matter whether or not you win this stupid competition, everyone in Camelot knows they’re lucky to have you as their future king.” 

This time Arthur looked up and smiled. It was a small and genuine gesture, like an offering of a single plucked daisy.  

“Thanks, Merlin.” 

Then he continued, this time without thinking, speaking from an unnamed instinct to be known, to say aloud all the things he wasn’t supposed to mention. 

“Actually, I know what you mean. About having to be two people all the time.” 

Merlin was of course talking about his magic, the powers he was born with which he’d spent his whole life trying to hide. Merlin was talking about all the late nights he’d spent studying forbidden tomes by guttering candle light and all the mornings after when he’d forced a polite smile and dragged his feet off to do yet another menial task. Merlin was talking about the thrill and satisfaction that came with mastering a particularly difficult spell and the subsequent twinge of disappointment when he remembered there was no one to share his triumph. And above all Merlin was talking about the freezing horror of watching an execution from the castle windows and knowing that one day it might be him kneeling before the chopping block. 

But Arthur knew of none of this. He simply gave Merlin a quizzical look, “Really? How’s that?” 

That’s when the young magician realized what he’d almost said, what corner he’d unthinking backed himself into. He felt his palms begin to sweat, he felt his breath go shallow. 

For Arthur could never be told the truth. That Merlin was everything Uther had attempted to wipe off the face of the Earth. It wasn’t even any sort of death or ostracism that Merlin was picturing. Only the looks of disbelief, then betrayal then disgust that would contort Arthur’s face. The moment when he would turn away and leave Merlin all alone. 

No. He could not. He could never. He buried the words which had been about to float from his lips. Piled them deeper than before, beneath every method of self control he possessed.  Merlin’s pulse dropped back to normal, a sickly sweet mix of relief and disappointment swirling in his stomach. 

Arthur was still waiting however, and no lame excuse would fool him, it was obvious that Merlin had been about to say something important. Besides, he wanted to share in return, to cement this new bond of trust which seemed stronger than all the times they’d save each other's lives. A secret for a secret. It was only fair.      

But what could he say? What would be legitimate enough? Suddenly Merlin quit wracking his mind. It was quite obvious. 

“Merlin? What is it?”

It didn’t seem so scary really, as opposed to the alternative. 

“I’m not straight.” Merlin kept his eyes fixed on the wall opposite. He hurried on, not giving Arthur a chance to reply. “I’m very gay actually. Always have been.” 

The ensuing silence only lasted a few, unending seconds.   

“Oh.” There was no malice in the prince’s voice. Only a sort of gentle surprise. Merlin let go of a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. 

“Really? I always thought… You and Gwen…” 

He laughed, “No, I think she did like me though and I could never figure out how to break it to her. Thank goodness Lancelot came along and solved that problem for me.”  

“So…” Arthur was smiling a decidedly different sort of smile. 

Merlin squinted at him without turning his head. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Arthur elbowed him in the ribs, “C’mon! Is there anyone you do like?” 

“Ow!” Merlin held his side in mock agony, “That hurt! Stop taking your warrior training out on me!” 

“Really though. You can tell me.” 

A sunbeam was angling through an open window across the room so that it happened to splash halfway across Arthur’s face. He looked a bit ethereal, each individual strand of hair spotlighted, delicate and glowing like spider silk about to be spun into gold. 

Merlin felt his cheeks go red, he looked quickly away. 

“No, I don’t fancy anyone. There’s nobody in particular.”