#but the day anyone finds my tumblr that’s the day i transfer

[casualdadnomad]

hey i’m an education major in the us so that’s why i did a little disappear for a month there ily all tho and i’m on break now hehe

[darkeneddawningmain]

I live! And I'm writing a fic

Hello, everyone! :) I've re-started the process of moving this blog over to a side blog (@darkeneddawning) when I have time. End goal is to have all my art and stuff from here over there, so my main blog (this one) can be used for everything. The side blog will be where I post new phandom art and stuff.

Hopefully the transfer isn't too confusing for everyone. If you want to follow me to see my phandom art and stuff, you might want to wait until my side blog is all caught up, or you'll be spammed with me reblogging all of my old art over there for the next while. I'll announce on this blog when it's done and wait at least a week so people have time to unfollow this blog if they don't want my reblogs of everything I like to clutter up their dashes.

But I'm too impatient to wait until I'm done with that before I start posting again, so here's a blurb from the DP x DC Circus Gothica crossover fic I'm writing! It's going to be a while before I can post it since I've got a lot going on and I'm a very slow writer so far, but I'm hoping posting about it will keep me motivated to continue working on it :)

It's not a very long blurb, but I'll put it under a read more anyway (along with a synopsis of the fic):

Fic synopsis:

Wait, but if I’m mind controlled, and you’re mind controlled, then who’s catching the evil ringmaster??

Jason wasn’t expecting to join the suspicious circus he was investigating on Dick’s behalf, but a day in found him planning a heist with his new posse of co-slaves. At least getting in on the action gave him the answers he was looking for, as well as some others to questions he’d forgotten he was still asking.

Or: A new circus rolls into Bludhaven, trailing a history of too many pilfered towns to be a coincidence. Dick asks Jason to look into it on account of Dick’s circus related trauma. Jason was expecting to find evidence, not a one-way ticket to minion town, or a mysterious boy who somehow calmed the insatiable waters of the pit. Who is this boy, and what can he teach Jason about himself?

----

Though he felt compelled to come, he didn’t know what was wanted of him now that he was here.

“This area is off limits to guests. Can I help you?”

That reaper kid from the performance, head attached, was looking at Jason with a raised brow. The same Red color that was swirling around Jason’s brain occupied the kid’s irises. Now he was up close, Jason could see how the kid’s stage eyeliner was only a slight enhancement to the genuine dark circles under his eyes. With those in addition to the gaunt hollowness of his cheeks, the kid looked like he hadn’t slept in years.

Jason smiled. It wasn’t a natural smile, but the Red liked it. “I’m here to, uh… cross over to the dark side?” That was all the Red was giving him to work with.

Reaper kid squinted at him, then drew back in surprise. “Woah, I totally thought you were human. Is that a disguise?” he asked, walking up to Jason.

“Disguise?” Jason glanced down at his body like it would clue him in to what reaper kid was talking about. He looked plenty human to himself. “What else would I be?” Was this important to the Red’s mission? Red was starting to feel a little more impatient.

“Uh, you know,” the kid gave a dismissive hand wave, but clarified: “Dead?”

[mmatigersdelhi]

mmatigers delhi

MMA Tigers Program Age 3 to 13,13 to 35, years is enough time to learn a lot, it gives you time to focus on your overall growth as a fighter and time to focus on other things as well, while you prepare. It actually took me about 4 year before my first amateur fight, but for about 2 of that I was out of commission with knee and shoulder issues, and I had some mental issues that sidetracked me as well. Although, I was coaching wrestling during much of this time and getting on the mat pretty much every day I was physically able. I also had no coach or instructors until I was 3-13 fights in. I won all of 3 -13 of these fights without being hit except from some ill-advised wild punches from the bottom, and already had a title.(mmatigers.com ) LEARN MMA/BOXING/GYMNASTICS My Sir experience is not common, I promise. I was lucky enough that my wrestling was far beyond anyone on the local MMA scene, and it transferred very easily to BJJ, which most wrestlers don't have going for them. I had the facilities to train in and friends within wrestling who were also just learning to fight, so we would train together. (Mixed Martial Arts is the best Location MMATIGERS Center Tilak Nagar Metro Pillar No-499,New Delhi.)What I did not have was an overabundance of athleticism. Never have. If you do, consider yourself fortunate and take advantage. Planning your fight career 3-13/13-42 years ahead of time gives you a long time to hone your skills and gain enough confidence to go out there knowing you will put on a good show no matter what. MMA Tigers Trainers National, International Trainers Tanning Mixed Martial Arts. I would recommend finding a good coach who can guide you through the process, and training as much as you can without breaking yourself, with a particular emphasis on increasing your overall skillset. In the last 6 months before you start your training camp for your first fight, focus on developing your best skills. If you have natural grappling ability, work your takedowns and submissions, if you have natural punching power or keen instincts, perfect your boxing and Muay Thai. This way you can specialize in the weeks leading up to the fight and you'll know how you intend the fight to go.

Unlike Boxing which only allows punches such as jabs and uppercuts, MMA allows for a wide range of strikes. The strikes allowed in MMA include elbows, knees, kicks, and spinning back fists. MMA fighters can incorporate a variety of fighting styles such as Tae Kwon Do, Muay Thai, and Karate to win. बॉक्सिंग के विपरीत, जो केवल जैब और अपरकट जैसे मुक्कों की अनुमति देता है, एमएमए स्ट्राइक की एक विस्तृत श्रृंखला की अनुमति देता है। एमएमए में अनुमत हमलों में कोहनी, घुटने, किक और स्पिनिंग बैकफ़िस्ट शामिल हैं। एमएमए फाइटर्स जीतने के लिए विभिन्न प्रकार की लड़ाई शैलियों जैसे ताए क्वोन डो, मय थाई और कराटे को शामिल कर सकते हैं। बॉक्सिंग और एमएमए में क्या समानता है? बॉक्सिंग और एमएमए दोनों सिद्ध मार्शल आर्ट हैं जो अभ्यासकर्ताओं को आत्मरक्षा की स्थिति में जीवित रहने में मदद कर सकते हैं। मुक्केबाज और मिश्रित मार्शल कलाकार आक्रमण शुरू करने और क्षति से बचने के लिए घूंसे, फुटवर्क और कोण का उपयोग करते हैं।

[magniloquent-raven]

I'm getting distracted from my current projects by someone else's post again someone tell me to stop going on tumblr while I have WIPs lmfao

@rosetterer this isn't EXACTLY what you posted about but it does get there in the end

**

Twenty-four hours has never seemed like such an insurmountably long time.

Buck's had long shifts before, the boring ones when he'd stare at the alarms on the wall, willing them to go off—he can picture Maddie's disappointed scowl if she ever found out about that, but he swears he was only hoping for something small and harmless to break up the monotony—and the busy ones. Ones that leave his ears ringing with phantom sirens by the end. Those days only ever seem long in retrospect, when he's bone-tired and trying to remember all the names he asked for.

But now every shift seems to find new and shittier ways to be gruelling. Eddie's miserable and trying to act like he isn't. There's this weird, uncomfortable tension brewing between Hen and Chim. Ravi got himself transferred to B shift—probably to get away from Gerrard, and Buck can't exactly blame him, but he sort of does anyway and their new probie is terrible, and... then there's Gerrard.

Like, Buck already knew he was a piece of work, but. Knowing and experiencing are two very different things. He could barely stand keeping his mouth shut at the medal ceremony when he met the man for five seconds, and now he has to put up with him making smug, belittling comments towards all his friends, all the time. Constantly needing to remind himself he doesn't want to get fired is actually killing him.

It doesn't help that every so often he'll remember Tommy's offhand Captain Gerrard was like having the dad I already had, with a pang as he wonders what exactly Tommy grew up with. What parts of Gerrard's condescending tyranny were familiar to him. Phillip Buckley may not have been father of the year, but maybe never being looked directly at was better than being raised neck deep in toxic waste.

Every time he remembers he gets the urge to pull out his phone and call Tommy up just to... he doesn't even know. Just to hear his voice, maybe. Know if he's doing okay.

Another reason work days seem so long now, if he's being honest. He's always counting down the hours until he can see Tommy again. Like a kid on the last day of school, watching the clock tick closer and closer to summer vacation.

So, of course, right near the end of a particularly busy shift, Gerrard gets them all lined up for a lecture about how sloppy that last save was. Everyone did something wrong, and everyone needs to hear about all the ways they could have gotten someone killed, like they don't all know how risky the job is already.

By the time he's finished telling Chim it's a miracle he managed to convince anyone to let him out on calls, Buck is clenching his jaw hard enough to make his teeth ache.

"I'm sure Captain Soft-Touch loved telling you all it was okay to be mediocre, and that you were trying your best," Gerrard sneers at them all, waving a dismissive hand at very idea of Bobby's captaincy. "But the coddling ended when he retired. Sparing your feelings is going to get people killed. Diaz!" He shouts, abrupt, turning on his heel towards Eddie. Eddie doesn't flinch, but Buck does.

"Yes, sir?" He's coolly polite, and his face is carefully blank, but his posture is tense.

"If I ever catch you checking your phone at a scene again, I'll make sure you're mopping floors for the rest of your life."

Eddie's expression hardens. It was a fender-bender and Eddie didn't even touch his phone until everyone was accounted for and packed into the ambulance. "It was a text from my son. Sir." His tone veers a little to the left of polite.

"I don't care if it was from the goddamn Pope, when you're in the field your focus stays on scene. Next time your brat needs something tell him to go cry to his mother about it."

This time when Buck flinches, everyone else in line does too. Hen bites down on a grimace. Chim hisses quietly through his teeth.

"I can't do that," Eddie says flatly. "What with her being dead and all."

The firehouse is silent for a long, horrible moment. That might've taken the wind out of any decent person's sails, Buck thinks. At the very least most people would've retreated into awkwardness and ended the lecture entirely.

Gerrard's brow pinches angrily. "Don't get smart with me, Diaz."

Buck's not sure it's possible to hate someone more than he hates their new captain right now.

"I don't care about your little sob story excuses, I care that you're sloppy and distracted. If you can't handle the job and the kid, drop one of them."

Oh, he was wrong.

He hates this man so much he's choking on it, it's clogging his throat like bile and he's running out of strength to care that he shouldn't spit it out, spew it everywhere and ruin everything just for the chance of hurting this man in the process. He feels like his skin is bursting at the seams.

Eddie's biting the inside of his cheek, rage and sorrow warring silently on his face.

And Buck breaks. Bursts. "Hey, Captain, that's—"

"Can it, Buckley," Gerrard cuts him off before he can even start. It's not angry, it's not anything, he brushes Buck off like he's an annoying fly buzzing in his ear, barely worth glancing at for the two seconds it takes to tell him he doesn't care. "You're all dismissed. Get out of my sight."

Some of them flee, scurrying to their lockers, the kitchen, anywhere but here. A couple of people throw backwards glances before they walk away. Hen and Chim exchange grim looks. Eddie disappears out the back door in an angry haze. And Buck...

Buck feels. Empty. Small. Like he cut himself open trying to relieve the pressure and now there's just nothing left. No one to patch up the wound, and no reason for any of it, he didn't make an impact, he didn't help anyone, he stood there listening to his friends get degraded, and now—now he's feeling sorry for himself?

It's stupid. He's stupid. He feels like shit because, what, because he didn't get yelled at? Because his piece of shit captain took a break from implying he's a disgusting pervert?

He thinks himself in circles about it his whole way home, the pit in his stomach getting a little deeper every time he tries to will it away.

He's wallowed himself halfway through a six-pack, staring sightlessly at his TV, by the time his front door opens.

"Evan?"

One of the knots in his chest loosens. "Yeah," he calls out, not bothering to sound less pathetic than he is. "In here."

"Hey." Tommy's stopped next to the stairs, eyeing him. His gaze is assessing, but his tone is soft. He's always so careful with Buck. "Bad day?"

Buck takes another sip of his beer. Shrugs.

"Ah, one of those."

The couch cushions dip as Tommy takes a seat next to him. He's close enough that Buck doesn't have to look at him to know he's there. There's warmth radiating off him. The woodsy scent of his aftershave. Buck presses their knees together, and exhales properly for the first time in hours.

He knows he could talk about whatever he wants and Tommy would let him. He's waiting for Buck to take the lead here. Buck could avoid the issue entirely and decide to talk about anything. The fact that he can't really tell the difference between the fancy beer Tommy insists is better than the crap Buck's drinking right now. The documentary about bees he's pretending to watch. The goddamn weather.

What comes out of his mouth is a quiet, "I feel like an idiot."

Tommy pulls the beer bottle out of Buck's loose grip, puts it down next to the couch, and then takes Buck's hand in both of his. "Why?"

Buck scrubs at his eyes. "I..." He catalogues the tiny scars on Tommy's knuckles. Two, three, little dots on his index finger. A lopsided vee on his thumb. "Something happened at work."

"Did Gerrard say something to you?" There's an edge to Tommy's question, something sharp and flinty. It makes Buck's heart do dumb little somersaults.

"No." He stops, shame burning his cheeks. "Not. Not to me. That's... He was lecturing everybody, and I..."

"Evan." Tommy grips his chin, firmly, gently, guiding Buck's face until he looks him in the eye. There's a sympathetic twist to his mouth. "Tell me."

He does. As best he can when it feels like what's didn't happen is more important, and he can barely put into words why that is. But trying helps, a little. Trying to whittle it down into an explanation forces him to look at the whole of it, and realize it's not looming over him anymore.

Maybe it's just Tommy's hands on him, soothing the hurt away.

"I dunno. Feels like I could have done something differently, maybe"

Tommy hums, tilting his head in acknowledgement. "You could've."

Buck winces.

"But it wouldn't have turned out any better."

Oh.

A flower blooms on the TV, purple and white petals reaching for the sun. Buck toys with Tommy's fingers, and shifts his leg closer, hooking their ankles together.

"It felt so shitty," he mutters.

"I know."

He would, wouldn't he. Buck gets that pang in his chest again, and he pushes the rest of the way into Tommy's space. Tommy wraps his arms around him, and drops a kiss into his curls, seemingly content to let Buck situate himself however he wants.

He kind of wishes Tommy wasn't still wearing jeans, but asking him to take his pants off might send the wrong message.

"You don't think I'm, like...a bad friend, right?" He cringes his way through the question.

"No." Tommy responds matter-of-factly and without hesitation. Then the corner of his mouth twitches. "I think you're a very good boy."

Buck's entire head feels like it's on fire. A grin starts to creep across his face. It might be the first time he's smiled all day. "Oh, yeah?"

"Mhm."

Maybe he should ask Tommy to take his jeans off after all.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i wrote a psa about people who broke my tos

✏️⚖️ (< for identification)

i make character adopts on toyhou.se and deviantart. i like designing characters but i rarely ever use them so i put them up for adoption so they can go to good homes. i have a tos for adopting my characters, which everyone is required to read before i go through with the adopt. the tos has rules about giving the character to someone else, which is that the current owner of the oc has to ask me first. there s a few reasons for this:

1 i dont want anyone reselling my character for more money than they bought them for unless they add value to the character by commissioning art or writing because its unfair to me who created the character if someone upsells them without adding value. having people ask first let's me make sure theyre not upcharging my work unfairly

2 i dont want certain people owning my characters. i have trauma surrounding certain people adopting my characters and using them problematically. for example someone ill call A once made my black characters skin lighter even though my tos says you cant change my characters race or body types. someone else, B, put my character into a proship relationship which is TOTALLY BANNED in my tos. i have a public list of people who are NOT allowed to own my characters and the idea of them owning them makes me super uncomfortable because i know theyll use my characters for bad things

3 it lets me make sure that the new owner has read my tos

a couple months ago someone (ill call them C) adopted a character of mine named lupin. a couple of days ago i was looking at my designs and i saw that lupin was now owned by D. i checked the ownership log which said that C traded lupin with D but i dont know what character C got in return. i sent C a message asking why they traded lupin without my permission and they said they didnt think they had to because it was a trade and not a sale. i told them that i have trauma around people giving my characters to others without permission and C said that i should talk to D instead because they (C) no longer owned the character.

i went to Ds profile and on their user page i saw a blocked comment so i unhid the comment and saw that it was B thanking D for following B. this set off alarm bells because i know that B is proship which is why i blocked them in the first place! so i decide to look into D, i find their tumblr and i find out that theyre also proship, they ship incest and they reblog irredeemable media like the coffin of andy and leyley

D wasnt on my blacklist specifically but its against my tos for proshippers to own my characters under any circumstances and its grounds for revocation. i message D to tell them that im revoking the character because theyre breaking my tos but D refused to transfer lupin back to me and blocked me.

i reuploaded lupins profile to my account and reported the original profile to th for being a violation of my tos, and i added C and D to my blacklist.

WIBTA if i wrote a psa about C and D to warn other people about them? i just dont want anyone else to go through this

What are these acronyms?

[genericpuff]

As someone who can't afford to go to animation school n adores your work- are there any advice or tips they taught you could share that transfer to art or comics? I know you talked about learning how to properly reference things which I admit I think I and a lot of other artists struggle with knowing how to do

Ironically enough, as much as I learned that I do NOT have the patience for animating (which is... ironic, considering all the patience that's required to make a comic LMAO) I did still learn a lot from it that I was able to take into comics. Storyboarding was one of the more obvious ones, as storyboards are basically just the "still versions" of an animation before it's been animated, with establishing shots, camera pans, dialogue shots, etc. all of which you'd find utilized in a comic.

Alongside that was learning how to draw consistently. Turnaround sheets are a shared practice in both animation and comics, they're necessary to creating an ongoing project that features the same core cast of characters. Learning how to draw the same characters the exact same way every time in a way that's both consistent and efficient is crucial.

That said, aside from those little starting tips, I do hope that some day you're able to find the means to go to school for animation or whatever it is that you're desiring to go into and learn. Yes, post-secondary schooling is expensive, and there are a lot of risks in pursuing a diploma/degree that can affect your future. That said, as someone who went to a school that literally no longer exists (like fr I don't even know if I can get my transcript anymore so for all I know, the year I spent in animation college only exists in the student loans that I'm still paying off, rip) I still learned and gained so much that I simply wouldn't have in high school or on Youtube. The biggest of which was the environment - being put into an actual dedicated space for learning art, with peers and teachers who were all unified in that space working towards the same goal, made so much more of a difference in my learning than I initially anticipated. I got so much feedback and guidance thanks to my instructors, and it really put me into a space where I was forced to try new things, I couldn't keep relying on the same tricks and comfort zones anymore. If it weren't for my instructors pushing me to step outside of that comfort zone, I never would have learned how to draw from life or use other mediums that subsequently became the foundations of the stuff I make today.

And while a lot of the things they taught I could have learned on Youtube or CTRL+Paint or Draw-a-Box, being in an actual classroom with grades and a schedule to abide by actually kept me moving in a forward direction and gave me so much more help on a personal level than some guy on Youtube could have given me reading from a script or, in this case, some rando on Tumblr responding to anonymous asks LMAO

Obviously, I'm never gonna recommend that anyone put themselves into financial ruin for post-secondary schooling, ESPECIALLY right now with the economy being what it is, but I do hope that if you genuinely want to go to school that you can find the means to do so, whether it's opting for community classes or applying for scholarships/bursaries/grants/etc or even just signing up for a local art class. Do your research on what's available and feasible to you - even art clubs can be super helpful in getting you out there and talking to people! As much as we may all be slaving away over our desks creating our next big piece, art is still a form of community and interpersonal communication - whether it's between you and an audience, or a peer with whom you exchange new ideas and feedback, or a mentor whose skills you hope to inherit and pass on to the next generation.

Until then though, keep creating and keep getting inspired. If you've never drawn from life before, set up a bowl of fruit and draw it as closely as you can to the real thing, or go to the food court and see how quickly you can sketch the people walking by before they're gone. If you've never tried storyboarding before, grab a piece of paper, find a scene from a live action movie you like, and storyboard it as if you were making an animated film. Try things! Fail at it! Try it again! See what happens!

[jetra4ivor]

3-4 of my posts regarding the Minecraft Movie have gone viral. And as someone who has never had a post go viral before I gotta say…

I do not like it.

Maybe on other websites it’s not a big deal, but here on tumblr it is a nightmare.

The biggest issue is that it’s really hard to filter the reblogs and be able to respond to things. If I’m like scrolling down through the reblogs to see what people are saying or writing, the SECOND a new reblog or like comes in tumblr INSTANTLY jumps me back up to the top. Because tumblr wants me to see that someone new is reblogging my posts.

And when you’re only dealing with 1 or 2 new reblogs or likes every few minutes or hours… not a problem.

But when it’s literally multiple times a SECOND? Omg… I can’t scroll down. I can’t keep up. It’s just CONSTANTLY snapping me back up to the top and I can’t scroll through anything and see what people are saying!!!

I was hoping after a few days it would slow down… BUT IT HASN’T. The only way I’ve been able to respond to anything lately is by manually finding the individual posts or reblogs themselves and scrolling through the comments there instead.

The second issue is that tumblr keeps your post as it was reblogged. Even if you edit the post later to fix a spelling or grammar mistake, tumblr keeps the incorrect version of the post if that was reblogged before you corrected things.

And for example, in one of the viral posts my phone auto corrected “Piglins” to “pigeons.” And I didn’t notice it at first until the post was well into being viral and someone pointed it out. But even after I corrected the mistake, it had been reblogged so many times now that the incorrect version is all anyone sees. So I’m still getting people telling me I wrote it wrong LONG after I already fixed it 😭

I post primarily about gay MCSM content. Specifically involving female Jessie and Petra. I don’t generally post about other Minecraft stuff, as I try to keep my blog focused on MCSM related content. I probably wouldn’t mind too much if going viral meant more people saw some of the gay MCSM content I reblog or talk about…

But none of the viral reblogging has transferred over into any of my other posts. Which is sad because one of the viral posts is about people talking about how good MCSM is. After nearly a decade of people talking down on MCSM it’s so fantastic to see so many people stepping up and defending it and saying it was good… but none of that positivity is spreading into any of my other posts about the game!

You guys actually liked MCSM? Please… come into the MCSM fandom! Inject your love of the game into this fandom! We NEED you here! We’ve felt so isolated and small! Where have you all been? Why won’t you join us here and create new art or talk about your favorite characters or moments?

Why hasn’t any of my viral success transferred into more fans of the game joining the MCSM community? 😭 It’s so gratifying to see the love of MCSM in the comments to the Minecraft Movie trailer… why isn’t that resulting in more people coming into the fandom on tumblr?

Don’t get me wrong… it’s nice that people liked some of my posts enough for them to go viral. But the way tumblr works makes going viral really difficult to deal with and I’m not seeing the cross pollination of MCSM fans into any of the OTHER posts I’ve made about MCSM!

I just want more people talking about the lesbian block people! You came here for the Minecraft Movie Trailer dissing… please stay for the lesbian block people!

[chocolatepot]

Twitter is rapidly sinking as people are only allowed to look at it for about ten minutes a day, so I thought I would put together a post explaining the best way to get started on Mastodon! It can be an intimidating prospect as it's not as immediately user-friendly as Twitter or other corporate social media sites.

Selecting a server

The main difference between Mastodon and Twitter is that you don't just "sign up for Mastodon". Mastodon is effectively made up of hundreds of small sites (called "instances") that are all interconnected ("federated") and use the same interface. The instance you choose has only a minor effect on your experience. The main one to be aware of is that if an instance is known to be poorly moderated and have users who cause a lot of trouble, other instances may unlink from it ("defederate") and make it more difficult for people on it to interact with you. This is rare. The very big, unthemed instances like mastodon.social are more likely to have this problem than any fannish one, in my experience. (You can also make a personal choice to block an entire instance if you have an issue with it.)

The other effect is that each instance has its own universal feed of all users on it.

The sidebar looks almost exactly like Twitter's, except for "local" and "federated". Your home feed is just the people you follow. "Local" is everyone on your instance, and "federated" is everyone on any instance yours is federated with. The local feed is why it's worthwhile to choose an instance that has some sort of theme you're interested in, like fandom, tech, queer issues, history, etc.

The two main fannish instances I'm aware of are fandom.ink and federatedfandom.net. There's also wandering.shop but that seems to be more for writers, in my experience. If you want a different sort of instance, just google "[topic] mastodon instance" and you should find it.

Applying to your instance

Because instances are more tightly moderated than the rest of social media, you can't always immediately get into the one you want. (Though I suspect that many have opened up slightly as Twitter flails.) You may need to submit some kind of application and wait a few days.

If you know someone on the instance you want to join, they may be able to get you an invite code so you can skip the queue. I have unlimited invites for fandom.ink, hit me up if you want to join.

You can also join an instance that's currently taking new accounts and then transfer into the one you want later. For the impatient souls.

Posting

The mechanics of posting are just like Twitter's.

You type in the box, you hit "toot" (I know), and out it goes. You may notice that you get a 500 character limit! This is nice.

If you add an image, make sure to add alt text. Not including alt text may get you flamed or shamed. You can also make a poll, set privacy levels, and add a content/spoiler/trigger warning that will require people to click through to see the text.

Use of hashtags is strongly encouraged on Mastodon. I've seen some talk praising Tumblr's style of having a separate field for tags and suggesting Mastodon add that, but I don't know if it'll happen. But unlike Twitter, there's an earnest culture of incorporating tags into your text (eg "I just bought a new #fountainpen") and following tags to get posts about different topics. This is the main way to find people with similar interests to follow, outside of your local feed.

It's also Mastodon culture to write an introductory post with your interests, including hashtags, so that people can find you.

Something else to be aware of is that you can edit your posts! If anyone has already rt'd ("boosted") them - they will just get a notification of your edit.

You cannot qrt on Mastodon at this time. It's a hotly debated topic. You will have to settle for boosting and then replying, or making your own post with context and linking to the post you want to qrt.

Following other people

If the person you want to follow is on your instance, that's all well and good. Click on their name, go to their profile, click the "follow" button.

If they are not on your instance, you need to make sure that you're accessing them through your instance. Clicking on their name from your federated feed, or if someone has boosted them onto your home feed, will automatically take you to the version of their profile on your instance. Also all well and good.

If you get to their profile from somewhere else, such as a direct link from another social media platform, that's a problem. If you try to follow, their instance will bleat at you that you don't have an account. There are two ways to get around this.

One is to paste their entire username (eg "@chocolatepot@fandom.ink") into the search bar on your instance, from your home feed. The other is to navigate to "http://[your server address]/[their whole username]" in your address bar. Both will take you to the same place.

[evaskjew]

I'm trying something for fandom artists/writers

Well, as I don't have anyone to tag (I'm really the least sociable person in the world and I'm too scared to talk to people in the fandom 😂), it's up to those who see this post to participate or not (if it turns out that it's not going to take at all, but never mind!)

Well, as my thing is drawing, I'll go with that (but you can adapt it to writing for those who write, or anything else for that matter!)

Last drawing:

Favourite drawing:

Well, I'm cheating, I'm putting two in because I can't choose 😖 On the one hand it's my best pastel drawing (to say it's also my second realistic portrait in colour) and on the other the painting I did with my grandmother and it's also the first time I've done anything other than a portrait in realistic drawing with a background and so on.

Hated drawing:

Right, then. Here again it's hard to put just one. I'm VERY hard on myself and I hate almost all my drawings 🥲 But really, if I have to choose, there are three that I really can't see any more because I find them so horrible.

Future project(s):

Following the poll, I'm going to start working on a new portrait of Garreth.

Next up, why not draw Ominis again (I've taken several in-game screenshots of him that I'd like to do to work on the backgrounds) and I'd also like to draw characters I haven't drawn yet, like Natsai or Amit.

And maybe one day, when I'm bored because I can't find any more images to use as models, I might draw some MCs from in-game screenshots.

And apart from drawing, I'd like to finish writing my OS by the end of the year 😂

Favourite artist:

There are far too many talented people in fandom ❤️

But without hesitation I'd say @tamayula-hl! Long before I dared to post my drawings online, I admired her work so much and even today I jump on every notification as soon as she posts! I know I'll never reach her level but her work is a source of inspiration and motivation (even more so now that I've switched to watercolour and I'm still trying to figure out how to work with colours, the way she works with colour is so incredible 🥰)

And I can't thank her enough for her post showing all the possible angles for Ominis' and Sebastian's hairs, it was so helpful 🙏🏻

And I admire @choccy-milky too! These are the two fandom artists I've been following since I started on Tumblr a little over a year ago 😄

One or few points on which I would like to improve:

First of all, I've managed to stop transferring the outlines of my drawings. Yes, it's a bit cheating to transfer, I know. But if I don't do it, the proportions are going to be catastrophic and that's going to piss me off (long live my perfectionism) and I'm going to stop and stubborn as I am coupled with my lack of self-confidence, I'm never going to want to draw again. So for the time being, we're going to keep tracing 😅 We'll see what happens in time.

But most of all, I'd like to stop depending on images I find on Pinterest or Tumblr and just reproduce them as drawings. I'm incapable of doing anything other than faithfully reproducing an image 😢 It annoys me, because I'd also like to post lots of drawings of my MC Evangeline interacting with other characters 😞 And the worst thing is the difference in my drawing level when I do something that doesn't depend on a reference image! (the proof: my drawings of Evangeline and this drawing of Ominis)

I took it upon myself while writing this post and forced myself to do a drawing of Evangeline in 20 minutes without a model (I just traced a neutral pose from a drawing dummy to have my base and improvised from my watercolour of Evangeline for her outfit).

You be the judge:

The end of her leg and her shoe is a disaster 😭

Well, that's that. I don't know how it's going to turn out and whether any artists/writers are going to take part, but it was a fun post to make!

[theworldremixed]

Fic Masterpost

I figured it's about time I did this. I mean they're all on AO3, but I figured having a Tumblr masterpost might put things in perspective as regards how much I've actually written lmao. Here we go.

Disclaimer: I mean, my writing is pretty mediocre, but I honestly find that the fandom space had to be filled out somewhat, so I started writing fic.

EarthMix

This is the pairing I've begun writing fic for again, so I have the most fics for EM.

Now unlocked. I don't think Joong is looking around for fic anymore, and certainly not on Tumblr. There are tons of unlocked fic in the tag, too, so there 'ya go!

The Stars, Our Witness 'Verse

The universe that started it all, partly as a way to archive EM activity before I became a fan, and partly as a way to stave off my delulu.

The Stars, Our Witness

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: 16 (finished) Summary: They’re scared to cross boundaries. What happens when the lines blur? Tags: slow burn, friends to lovers, FWB, "canon rewrite" (in the sense of IRL being "canon" Warnings: divorce era. 'Nuff said.

2. supernova

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: One-shot Summary: the same versions of 🌏 and 🪐 as in TSOW, but basically D/s pwp. Tags: pre-negotiated D/s; still a whole lot of longing.

3. of longing and loudness

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: One-shot Summary: Oneshot set in the The Stars, Our Witness (TSOW) 'verse, and a reactionary fic post-LOL 2024. Tags: engaged!EarthMix

4. Beneath the Sunrise (in progress)

Rating: M (for now, but knowing me, this might go up) Chapters: 2 (so far, out of a slated 10) Summary: EarthMix get outed. They deal with the consequences. Tags: married!EarthMix, social media elements, bullying

General EarthMix fic

Mostly one-shots written as a reaction to a post, among other things.

laissez-faire

Rating: M Chapters: one-shot Summary: featuring Earth's obsession with mix's grey sofa Tags: engaged!EarthMix; domesticity

long distance

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: one-shot Summary: of short reunions and busy schedules (lol honestly this has zero plot. I just missed them when they were in Japan for Happy Weekend, so I wrote a fic) Tags: PWP, quickie.

so here's the situation

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: one-shot Summary: ~situationship~EarthMix (written after the Vivi interview had been released, and after they went on a museum simulation Van Gogh date literally the day after) Tags: situationship; we're dating but aren't together

househusbandry

Rating: G Chapters: one-shot Summary: Dreame gets EarthMix as endorsers for their vacuum. Why are they everyone's Favorite Married(TM) Couple? Tags: domesticity Note: This was written on my Notes app in like, 10 minutes, so the link is to my Twitter post to that fic.

in pari delicto (in progress; converting to prose)

OK so let me just write an author's note here. This is an unfinished Twitter social media AU because I would be writing about a topic I knew very, very well: law school. Now, I'm inclined to transform the fic to prose and transfer it to AO3 because I have no patience for the whole edit-edit concepts of socmed AUs and I honestly respect anyone who's done it. That said, I will likely continue this once I finish Beneath the Sunrise, or simultaneously as I write it.

PhuTian

Ah, ATOTS. Why do I love you so? Of course I'd write ATOTS fic.

re/live

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: one-shot Summary: In which Tian celebrates his fifth year with his new heart in the best way. Tags: tian's birthday as an excuse to write smut, sloppy blowjobs, insecurity issues

old wives and the tales they tell

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: one-shot Summary: Mayhaps Phupha has a kink. He refuses to validate the good Doctor Nam's speculation. Tags: domesticity kink, villager!tian, headcanon epilogue to ATOTS Note: Written in response to @earthmixsclowderofcats's Thai BL Kink Meme! Please show it some love and answer the prompts too please PLEASE!!

bad behavior

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: one-shot Summary: Tian watches as Phupha grabs something from the nightstand – a pen? – and uncaps it. He holds Tian’s chin with one hand, and Tian feels the wet drag of the pen against his cheeks. “Chief, what are you—” “There,” Phupha says, “Whiskers.”

betwixt bewitched entanglements (in progress. might possibly discontinue.)

Rating: E/NC17 Chapters: 19 (out of a planned 15 lmao, I swear this was supposed to end earlier. Summary: Magic meets royalty meets a society walled off from the rest of the world. Tags: Royalty AU, Magic AU, political intrigue, slow burn Notes: Look. I got carried away writing this, and to be honest, the concept's flown so far away from me and the worldbuilding had been so solid in my head and I even know how this fic will end, but honestly? It's not getting engagement. That's not the sole reason for writing fic - of course not - but I'm not quite sure if it's worth my time and effort writing this out.

JimWen

10/31: So I just wrote this today woohoo!

the ebb and the flow

Rating: E Chapters: one-shot Summary: The first time after their last time. (Wen learns how to swim. Jim learns how to trust. A one-shot on the wandering thoughts of Wen and Jim as they navigate being in a relationship: the fear of stagnation, for Wen; and the fear of betrayal, for Jim.) Tags: introspective; plotless; PWP; alternate ending

OngsaSun

The first half of 23.5 excited me so elfin much that I'd write little tiny Ongsa character-explorations in between episodes. Here are the two I'd actually published.

gravity

Rating: G Chapters: one-shot Summary: Ongsa muses on the meadows of her mind. Tags: anxious!Ongsa

nightfall/daybreak

Rating: G Chapters: one-shot Summary: Ongsa is no stranger to the dark—that is, until she gives in to the light. Tags: depressed!Ongsa TW: "dark" as a metaphor for depression

[bethel-rath]

I read your response to Annie, and I was wondering if there were any specific things the tumblr sphere is doing that you don’t approve of? I value your insight, and if you think there’s something we’re doing that’s strategically/morally wrong I would like to know. I might not agree to all of it, and I can’t speak for the other anons either. But I hope that we have developed enough of a community to hear criticism without attacking anyone over it.

I was originally planning to leave this ask unanswered, but after seeing this anonymous ask that Heloise received the other day, I have changed my mind. To be clear, I not only denounce the use of the term "TransGirlTheRapist", but I vehemently reject people who use this. Please stop doing so.

Thank you, Heloise, for also denouncing the use of this term.

Please note that all of this will be my personal opinion, and I will be making general recommendations for rhetoric. These are not necessarily specific to things going on that I have been involved in. It can be helpful here, but it will be helpful to mention things I've noticed not only on Tumblr but in the greater social media sphere.

Also anon: I'm not saying you specifically do any of these things (I don't know who you are), so please do not consider this to be a callout of behaviors for you.

It is not a complete list, by any means, but these are things that I feel are important:

Be specific with your language. If you mean something, say what you mean. I know it can come off as tempting to use slightly different words to describe something, but be careful; this can too easily result in a game of telephone where the original meaning is lost over time (or a Ship of Theseus resulting from transference of information over a group of people. I know, not exactly what Innuendo Studios meant with the video, but it works here).

Avoid using incendiary language or rhetoric. These typically just fall into the realm of ad hominem attacks and are rarely useful. What I highlighted above and prompted me to decide to answer this ask? That is an example of this. I do not like this. It does not help and will often result in you coming off as harassing the person you are talking about.

Have receipts on hand. Please don't make claims if you cannot back them up with evidence. I have seen too many people show up to Heloise's blog to make unsubstantiated claims, especially recently. This is not helpful or productive. If it was from a stream VoD: provide some context for when it occurred or a timestamp to make it easier to find again. If it was in an edited stream segment: clip it and send a link to the clip. If it was on Twitter, Tumblr, or BlueSky: provide a link or a screenshot. Otherwise, these are useless rumors and basically gossip.

Do you want to know what Poppy, Zena, and the Archons used to refer to the Tumblr blogs? Leftist KF. It was because of the level of gossip that occurred in this sphere. Try to prove y'all are better than that.

[bellaxgiornata]

I was trying to find new matt fics to read and your page came up which personally I think it’s a sign to reread FFTD until the new installment comes out

Ahhh!! Omg well I'm glad my fics are fairly easy to find 😆 I don't know how easy searching for fics are on tumblr, but if you want to read something new I can recommend some authors that I know off the top of my head that have some multi-chapter fics if that's what you're looking for!

@loveroftoomanyfandoms (she has a few Matt series' that have been transferred from AO3 recently)

@mattmurdocksscars (I keep meaning to read Back From the Dead!)

@shouldbestudying41 (I believe she has links to her fic on AO3 that I keep meaning to read as well!!)

@theetherealbloom (I need to catch up Notre Dame but it's definitely an interesting fic!)

@shiorimakibawrites (the Alley Cat series is told through installments and yet another I need to catch up on that is so good!)

@souliebird (Soulie just yesterday posted the first chapter of a new Dad Matt fic that is SO GOOD)

Edited to add in (because I knew I blanked on other Matt x Reader series and probably still have):

@she-likesorchids (she has a great Murderdock series!)

@courtforshort15 (Skyfall is AMAZING 👏🏻)

@pastafossa (in the off chance anyone looking here for recs for multi-chapter Matt x Reader fics has somehow NOT heard of The Red Thread. I always forget to mention TRT because it's like Matt Murdock fandom classic lit and I assume we have all read or seen it 🙌🏻)

I'm sure I'm blanking on many other wonderful authors here who have multi-chapter Matt fics because I woke up like ten minutes ago but I thought I'd suggest some!! Or feel free to enjoy your read through of FFTD 🤣 I am hoping to edit up the next installment in one sitting later today and see how it reads, but it's just under 18k words so I'm sure that's going to be time consuming 😆 I am hoping either tonight or tomorrow I will get it posted, but it's truthfully the only thing I've been working on this week so ATY won't have an update for a few days either. But that is probably what I will work on writing next!

[forcebookish]

new fic masterlist (now by fandom!)

(tumblr now suppresses internal AND external links, so i may as well have the proper links in the original posts going forward.)

organized by alphabetized media type (ctrl + f: ANIME/MANGA, COMICS+, RPF, and THAI DRAMAS to find what you're looking for), then in order of most recent to least recent.

ANIME/MANGA

the weight in her heart (2/5) BLEACH M | IchiRuki | 10,509 WC

In the span of a few days, Ichigo goes from giving the transfer student a ride to school on his bicycle to watching her die right in front of him. With nowhere else to go, Rukia’s ghost haunts him, hoping to find out what killed her and move on. Claiming it’s only about getting her out of his closet, Ichigo does everything he can to help her move on—including confronting her family and, of all things, going on a date. Yet the more he does for her, the less he wants to let her go. And the closer they become, the heavier the Chain of Fate on Rukia’s chest grows.

COMICS+

kiss you or kick you (4/5) Captain America (MCU) M | SteveBucky (Stucky) | 15,710 WC

All I had to do was hold him. After the fallout from the Sokovia Accords, Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Wanda find refuge in a Wakandan safe house. Desperate to keep Bucky by his side, Steve convinces him not to go back on ice and instead try to loosen Hydra’s grip on his mind. With the help of Shuri and Wanda, Steve tries to put back Bucky’s pieces in the hopes they can finally be together—but what if they’re both too broken to reach for each other? What if it’s like Bucky falling from the train all over again? (Takes place after the events of Captain America: Civil War.)

self defense (one shot) Wonder Woman (DCEU) G | Diana/Barbara (WonderCheetah) | 1,113 WC

Diana may have taught Barbara self defense, but there’s no defense against their mutual attraction.

RPF

thirty minutes (one shot) Thai Drama RPF (GMMTV) E | ForceBook | 3,800 WC

So much of Force and Book’s life together is play pretend, the boundaries between them and their characters drawn out in bold—but for thirty minutes every week, the lines blur.

melt away (one shot) Thai Drama RPF (GMMTV) G | ForceBook | 1,374 WC

Force reminds Book of who he is; he always has. After a day without Force on the Only Friends set, Book has a hard time getting out of Mew’s mindset and the anger he has for Top’s betrayal—so he goes to Force’s to remember what it’s like to love him.

slow down (2/2, sequel to Love Out Loud) Thai Drama RPF (GMMTV) T | ForceBook | 1,556 WC

1. like gravity would betray him: A sleepy, clingy Force helps calm Book before a daunting Only Friends shoot. 2. standing in the eye of a typhoon: Between takes, Book struggles with the most challenging scene in episode six and Force helps him focus.

Love Out Loud (2/2) Thai Drama RPF (GMMTV) G | ForceBook | 1,406 WC

1. I wouldn’t want it with anyone else. After the whirlwind weekend of the 2023 Love Out Loud Fan Fest, Book needs a hug to get to sleep; so does Force. 2. You’re supposed to say it back. (Prequel.) Backstage, Force has a hard time meeting Book’s eyes—but that’s not what Book is looking for.

THAI DRAMAS

make my heart tremble (one shot) Only Friends M | TopMew | 4,385 WC

(Episode 9) After his blow-out fight with Ray, Mew gets wasted and runs into Top at YOLO; he can’t tell if Top is the last person he wants to see or the only one.

a compelling argument (one shot) Only Friends E | TopMew | 2,044 WC

(Episode 11) Top proves to Mew one of the benefits of living with him.

False Alarm (one shot) Only Friends T | TopMew | 1,145 WC

Since the fire at the hotel, Top’s dreams have gotten worse. Even Mew’s presence cannot fight all the demons in his head.

taste you again (one shot) Only Friends E | TopMew | 1,128 WC

(Episode 4) “You wanna go faster? After making me wait so long to taste you again?”

Thunderstruck (one shot) Enchanté T | AkkTheo | 713 WC

Recently married, Theo still protects Akk from thunder like when they were kids.

more than forever (one shot) A Boss and A Babe E | GunCher | 2,311 WC

(Episode 12) Cher left because he wanted—wants—to be with Gun forever, and Gun means to hold him to that.

Extrême (one shot) A Boss and A Babe E | GunCher | 4,536 WC

Cher loves Gun’s new cologne; Gun just loves Cher—publicly and privately.

these are only the fics i've written since i started my blog/under the farewellswords pseud; check out my ao3 for older ones!

[ariwritessometimes]

Ao3 Stats Tag Game

Tagged by @rosieblogstuff and also @lailuhhh

Rules: go to your AO3 account and find the following stats:

What ratings do you write most of your fics under?

Teen and Up Audiences (40)

General Audiences (34)

Mature (3)

Most of the time, I just tend to write like TV level content. Those three rare occasions were just something a little darker than normal.

What are your top three fandoms?

MCU

X-Men

MacGyver (2016)

I separated MCU and X-Men bc the Fox X-Men really is its own thing, but if I lump those two together, then Narnia gets added to the list and I live that fandom so much that I feel like it deserves the honorable mention. Plus the MCU number is only so high because I did a lot of drabble challenges in my younger years

I've been writing for almost a decade now and I only just joined the MacGyver fandom. And yet. There it is, at the top of my list.

What is the top character you write about?

"Reader," actually. For literally the entire first 9 years of my fic writing career, I was strictly and xReader writer, which then transferred to also equally OCs. I'm not entirely moving away fro that, but I am finding out that just playing with canon without inserting any other characters is just as much fun, and exercises a whole different writing style!

What are your top three pairings?

Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver

Jack Dalton & Riley Davis

And then the 3rd is tied with like four options, one of which is Pietro Maximoff/Reader.

What are the top three additional tags?

Tumblr Prompt/Originally Posted on Tumblr

Angst

Cairo Day Reprise 2024

Does any of this surprise you?

Not particularly! I do think it's funny how MacGyver shot to the top of my list in the span of like two months, though I'd still argue that it's not altogether surprising. My discord friends can attest to the MacGyver Mania I was suddenly possessed with, and they'd probably say this was the inevitable outcome.

Thanks so much for the tag! I think most of the MacGyver writers have been tagged already lol, so I'm putting out an open tag for anyone who wants to share their stats!

[dragonpigeons]

Hey guys, I wrote two accounts of my time in hospital and after for anyone interested. The first is posted here. The second I will post separately.

Update: Link to Part 2 is here.

---------------

Account I.

Hospital & After: The Physical & Medical Aspects of My Recovery

CW: bodily fluids, blood, needles, minor injuries.

》 Written with Twitter format in mind, edited for Tumblr.

i.

My family and I, we lived a normal existence. My mother was healthy. My father enjoyed a laid-back life but was otherwise healthy. My brother had lactose intolerance but was otherwise fit and healthy.

I had lived a normal life for the past three decades. I was regarded as fit and healthy. I liked to be active. I went for walks often. I ate a balanced diet. I got over illnesses normally. I had no allergies.

The symptoms began 2-3 years ago. More worries started to accumulate. There were more things to consider, more to do, and more to take responsibility for. And, damningly, what seemed like less time to have to deal with them all.

Everything was piling up in me physically. My body was hoarding all the things I wasn't facing and running away from. My body began to suffer under the weight of it all.

My body was slowly dying.

In May ‘24, my ankles started swelling. It built up quickly over the month and reached up my legs and hips. I finally went to my GP. She saw how serious it was via blood & urine tests. My results were off the charts. I was sent to the hospital right away.

At the hospital, they saw my blood count dropping. I had to have a blood transfusion. It helped my bloods somewhat, but I was still building up fluid and wasn't passing much urine. There was still something wrong with my body. I was still unwell.

They did more blood tests and found an antibody reading, which was also off the charts. The doctors told me I had SLE lupus nephritis. My own body was attacking my kidneys, which meant I couldn't pass urine and get rid of the fluid retention.

ii.

I was given a number of injections and IVs over the next few days. A boost to my low WBCs and neutrophils, prophylactic antibiotics, insulin to lower my potassium level, glucose to keep my blood sugars up, steroids to stabilise the lupus and stop the levels from rising higher.

Soon after, they put me on daily steroids in tablet form, along with a bunch of other pills - antibiotics, antifungal, antirheumatic, minerals, diuretics. They seemed to help keep my body stabilised. Though I did start getting side effects and symptoms.

I had insomnia and woke up often in the night. I also began having strange dreams. They felt like everything was submerged underwater. I couldn't understand what people were saying or doing. Also, my bowels were acting up, and I had to go to the toilet often.

All the while, my swelling continued to increase. I had to wait a few days to be transferred to another hospital. It became more difficult to stand and walk day by day. It was like moving with a bunch of clay wrapped around my feet and legs.

The only people I ended up talking to on a daily basis were my mother, who came to visit me every day with home cooked meals, and my brother via DMs. Everything just got too much, too fast. I had to make a lot of life-critical decisions in a short span of time.

Despite all that, I did find myself with time to think. I found myself thinking how crazy it was that my own body would choose to attack itself. I also found myself accepting that it did and what it meant.

Lupus was here to stay. Lupus would be my companion for life.

iii.

In the meantime, my kidney function dropped to 10%. I had a kidney biopsy done. The results were on the lighter side. There was no scarring but a lot of inflammation. The glomeruli were damaged quite severely, but they would be able to recover. My kidneys could heal.

Something interesting happened during all of this mayhem. I had small swollen lymph nodes for the past two years, which finally went away after the first antibiotic and steroid IVs. It was like the trash had been taken out. I felt I could think clearly for the first time in years.

One of the things I realised was that for nearly all my life, I had been caught up in the most trivial of things. Am I being ignored? Did I do something wrong? Do people even like my art? Does anyone actually like me?

I had used my energy on the wrong things. I came to realise, within the four white walls of my minimally-furnished ward room with a crappy plastic bed to sleep on, the more important things in life. Family. Friends. Community. Network.

The doctors proceeded to the next phase of my treatment. Though lupus had been stabilised by the steroids, my immune system needed to be suppressed in order to lower the levels.

Cyclophosphamide is a chemotherapy drug and, at standard doses, is the standard used to treat lupus patients. They explained the procedure and the risks. The first main risk was hemorrhagic cystitis. The second was infertility.

Since I didn't want children, it was a simpler decision for me to make. I had my first dose of the drug the next day. I didn't feel anything. The doctors told me it would kick in after 7-10 days.

Throughout the days, they continued to poke me like a pin cushion, checking my daily blood levels. My arms and hands were covered in bruises by the end. Some nurses were better than others. One had a shaky hand. I bled and bruised with them the most.

On my last day, the trend in my blood results showed improvement. My kidney function went from 10 to 14%. I was discharged that afternoon and waited for my meds. I chatted with an elderly man. I had chocolate biscuits. I was content.

iv.

My father picked me up and drove me back home. I took my first step out of the hospital after two weeks. Though it was summer, the weather greeted me with a cool, cloudy ambience. I opened my arms and welcomed it. I breathed in the fresh air. I smiled.

I was happy to be back in a comfortable bed and in the company of my family again. The environment was much better, more peaceful. I wasn't disturbed at odd hours of the night by nurses checking my vitals or giving me meds to eat.

My troubles weren't exactly over yet. I continued to have heart palpitations, and my swelling continued to increase over the next two days. I got worried that I would no longer be able to move. I feared I would have to be bed bound.

On the third day of being home, I finally felt myself getting lighter. I was passing more urine and going to the toilet more often. I gained 20kg+ since the start of the swelling. I went from 70+ down to 67 by day five.

On day six, things hit me like a truck. The chemotherapy drug had kicked in. My heart palpitations were hard and numerous. I grew exhausted. Even getting up to go to the toilet took so much out of me. I was down for the count for the following days.

I had to think about how to spend my energy each day. I prioritised eating, resting and going to the toilet. If I had an appointment, I'd try to prepare the day before. There were periods where I'd have more energy, and I'd make use of those.

Eventually, it did get easier as I learned how to manage my symptoms. Eat well, but don't overeat to reduce my palpitations. Eat fibre to keep the bowels moving. Drink fluids to keep hydrated. Rest often to conserve my energy.

v.

Since then, I've been getting better as the days go. It's been a rough and bumpy ride throughout. My symptoms and needs seem to change by the day. I have to adjust through trial and error.

Sometimes I get it wrong. Sometimes I get it right. Often, there's conflicting info on the Web. I have to take it all with a grain of salt (which is almost literally all I can have with my kidney injury) and find what works for me. I've learnt a lot. There's still more to learn.

Every day brings something new. I still get scared when something unwanted or unexpected happens. I still panic and rush to resolve the problem as if a meteor is about to hit the planet. I'm learning to just stop and do nothing. Calm myself. Observe.

I'm a high-strung person who tends to jump to the worst conclusions. I believe that with enough discipline and focus, I can change this for the better. It will take patience. It will take time. Something I thought I didn't have enough of. Now I know that I do.

There is time for everything. I just have to make it by cutting out the unnecessary and focusing on what truly matters.

Before, I squandered my time and energy. Now, I will spend them wisely as I recover and return to a new normality.

---

[jessybarnes]

Something New

Ship - Cockles - Single!Jensen x Single!Misha

Rating - 18+ Only! Minors DNI!!

Tags - Sexuality struggles, First-time m/m sex, anal fingering, anal sex, rimming, oral (male receiving), mentions of coming out, mentions of not being accepted, anxiety, angst, fluff, smut, comfort, drinking, cursing, NSFW title banner, seriously if you're a minor go away!

Word Count - 3800 ish

Beta - Just Grammarly and Me

Fic Aesthetic - Yours truly

A/N - This is a repost from my old Tumblr account. I am in the process of transferring all of my fics over to this blog. I hope you enjoy. :)

Misha flirted a lot. Everyone knew this and accepted it as a part of his outgoing nature. Jensen, on the other hand, still hadn't grown accustomed to the lingering touches and longing stares from his best friend. It wasn't that it made him uncomfortable, no it was very much the opposite. 

He tried to ignore the way his heart sped up every time Misha's fingers grazed his skin or the way he held him when they would hug, but it was impossible. Jensen didn't want to admit it. He was supposed to be straight, find a nice woman, and give his Mother and Father the grandkids they wanted. Instead, he was having an internal battle with his mind on whether or not his male co-star was hot. 

Jensen sighed and rubbed at his temples lightly. Currently, he was reading over the newest script for one of the upcoming episodes. People probably thought that playing Dean should have come to him naturally by now since he played him on TV for the better part of thirteen years. Sometimes it was more complicated than just 'getting into character' though. 

Certain scenes, much like the one he was reading now, involved Cas and Dean staring into each other's eyes for a longer than normal period of time. That part didn't bother him as much. It was the stage direction that was written in the script. Of course, he didn't write the script or the stage directions so he didn't really have much of a say in how their characters did things. 

Jensen stared down at the off-white paper. His eyes re-reading the same bold print that menacingly stared back up at him. 

INT. THE BUNKER, DAY There's tension between Dean and Cas from a previous argument.  They eye fuck for approx. 30-45 seconds until Sam clears his throat to get their attention.

He swallowed thickly wishing the direction would change, probably for the umpteenth time now. 

Couldn't they have picked a better way to word this?

A sudden knock at his trailer door made him jump. He tossed the script onto his coffee table before walking across the room to unlock it. The familiar silhouette of Jared should have put his mind at ease, but he knew his best friend of so many years would notice something was bothering him. Deciding there was no point in avoiding the inevitable, he flung open the door to let him in. 

"Hey, Jare"

Jared walked up the two stairs into Jensen's trailer and plopped down on his sectional. 

"You're awfully quiet today, Jay. What's going on?"

Jensen sighed, running a hand across his face. Good thing he hadn't been to hair and makeup yet. He didn't wanna piss anyone off this early in the day. Grabbing two beers, he tossed one to Jared and sat down. 

"I don't really wanna talk about it. Not like there's anything anyone can do about it anyway."

He took a long pull of his beer while Jared studied him. He watched Jensen's eyes glance at the stapled packet of papers quickly before focusing on the view from the window. 

"It's something from today's shoot isn't it, Jay?"

Jared picked up the papers and leaned back against the couch. Jensen didn't try and stop him, but he didn't elaborate either. He just sat and watched as the taller Texan read over the page he'd been mulling over a few minutes ago. 

"I don't see anything wrong wi-"

Jared stopped mid-sentence and turned to look at Jensen. He scooted slightly closer and pointed to the middle of the page. 

"It's the 'eye fucking' part isn't it?"

Jensen looked away, picking at a loose string in the hem of his jeans. The beer bottle rested loosely against his lips as he took another swig.

"Jensen, you should really tell him, you know."

It was a miracle the beer didn't come out his nose. It took him a minute to stop choking and gain his breath back. A blush crept up the side of his neck as he looked down at his lap. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Jared."

Once again the script was tossed carelessly on the coffee table. Jared scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

"Oh c'mon, Jay! You can't possibly think I believe you. I know how you feel about Mish, and I think you do, too. It's okay to admit that you got a thing for him, and frankly, I think you should talk to him about it. I mean look at it this way, how many times have we told fans that it's okay to be yourself. Love is love, and honestly, I think Misha feels the same way."

Jensen let out a defeated sigh. He should have known better. He and Jared can read each other like a book, and sometimes that wasn't necessarily a good thing. 

"I can't tell him, Jared. I'm not supposed to feel things like this for another man. My parents didn't bring me up this way. I'm just going to grin and bear it until we get through shooting this. I'm an actor. I can just push my feelings aside until this is all over with." 

Jared set his bottle down and repositioned himself so he was facing him. Jensen looked miserable. He was clearly stressing way too much over this. He was pale and dark circles lingered under his eyes from lack of sleep.

"Jay, that's bullshit and you know it! You can't control the way you feel for someone. It doesn't matter how your parents wanted you to turn out. What does matter is who you want to be. If the real you is attracted to both men and women, then so be it. If your Mom and Dad can't accept you for who you are, then they aren't taking your best interest to heart."

Jensen rested his head in his hands and shook his head. 

"Even if they miraculously accept the fact that I have a crush on Mish, how the hell am I going to tell him? I have no idea how I'll get the words out, let alone bring it up."

Jared stood up and walked toward the liquor cabinet. He pulled a bottle of Crown Royal from the top shelf and blew the dust off. 

“Sounds like you could use some stronger liquid courage.”

Now it was Jensen’s turn to scoff. He watched as Jared grabbed two glasses from one of the cabinets and put a couple cubes of ice in them. 

“I can’t shoot these scenes drunk off my ass Jared. Bob will have my head.”

If Jared heard him, he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he focused on pouring them each a glass. Handing one to Jensen, he sat back down and sipped at it slowly. After a minute of looking between his glass and his best friend, he sighed and licked his lips. 

“Ah, what the hell, why not? Gotta get through today’s shooting somehow.”

Forty-five minutes later everyone was on the Bunker set setting up for the next scene. The crew was getting the lighting perfected while the director, who just happened to be none other than Richard Speight Jr., conversed with Misha across the room. Jensen shifted his weight nervously and tried to look anywhere else. His eyes kept finding their way back to him though. 

Even though their characters wore layers upon layers of clothing, Jensen could still tell Misha had been working out. His thighs were well defined in the black slacks, how the tan fabric of Castiel’s trench coat hugged his biceps made his mouth water and the way his hair was tousled sent image after naughty image through his mind. 

Jensen bit his lip and looked away. There was no way he was surviving this scene. Misha had him hook, line, and sinker, and the way things were looking he was going to end up walking off the set before they had a usable take. Before he was able to dwell on it any longer, fingers snapped in his face bringing him back to reality. 

“Hellooo! Jensen? You okay man? We’re ready to start, but if you need a minute we-”

Jensen pushed past Rich and stood on his mark that was taped to the floor. 

“I’m good. Let’s get this over with.”

Misha studied him, his piercing cerulean eyes making him shiver. Jared walked around the table and sat in front of the open laptop. Things were eerily quiet between the three of them. Normally, they would be joking around until the moment action was called. 

Rich took a seat in the director's chair and looked through the camera one more time making sure the angle of the shot was right before turning his attention back to them. 

“Roll sound!”

One of the crew members came in with a slate board and held it in front of the camera. 

“Supernatural scene thirty-two, take one! Marker!”

Rich took a deep breath and crossed one leg over the other. He knew this was an intense scene so he was mentally preparing himself to do more than one take. 

“Action!”

Misha walked around the table holding a tattered old book. Jensen eyed him furiously as he snatched it out of his hand. 

“Dammit Cas! I know we needed this book, but I told you not to do anything stupid!”

Misha tilted his head sideways, narrowing his eyes. The hand that was holding the book now rested rigidly at his side, his fingers curled into a fist. 

“Dean, this was probably our only chance for us to get this book! I took a chance and brought it back unharmed. I did it for you! You want to save your brother don’t you?”

Jensen slammed the book on the table a little too hard causing Jared to jump. It wasn’t in the script, but no one said anything so he continued with his line. 

“You could have waited for Sammy and me! We could have gone and got it together. Cas, you could have gotten yourself killed man! When are you gonna learn that you’re our family Cas? Family sticks together. Sammy needs you ... I need you. 

Misha stepped slightly closer to Jensen and lifted those ocean eyes up to his green ones. Jensen was shaking. Whether it was with rage or nervousness he didn’t know, but he had to finish this scene. He couldn’t do this more than once. His eyes flitted down to Misha’s mouth just as his tongue came out to wet his lips, and dammit if he didn’t feel his cock twitch. He couldn’t do this. He needed to get out of there. Just as he was about to storm off to the confines of his trailer, Jared cleared his throat. 

“Guys … get this! So, the writings in this book are apparently a dead language! There’s some sort of codex that requires piecing together, but I think I can crack it if I can just get past this encrypted file.”

“Cut!”

Rich stood up and rubbed his hands together. 

“That was great guys! Very well done with the dynamics. Oh! Nice touch with making Jared jump Jay. His face was priceless! I’m recommending that one for the gag reel.”

Jensen wasn’t listening. He was still staring at Misha, who was now taking off Cas’ tan coat. He watched as his back muscles flexed under his white button-up, and immediately felt his mouth go dry. He couldn’t stand in the same space as his co-star any longer. It was too much. Everyone watched as he took off towards his trailer. Anything was better than feeling this way in his opinion.

“Jensen? You sure you’re feeling okay? You look a little flushed. Hey! Jens- Where are you going? We gotta do another take. Jensen?!”

Once he was back behind his trailer door he immediately stripped off all his clothes and tossed them in a pile. Nothing sounded more appealing than a cold shower. He relished the feeling of the cool spray as it cascaded down his body. Jensen propped his arm against the shower wall and rested his head against it. He needed to figure out how to suppress his feelings because he didn’t think he could go through this every day. 

Ten minutes later he cut the water off and shoved the shower curtain back. Jensen shivered as water droplets clung to his skin. He wrapped one of his burgundy towels around his waist and padded back into his kitchen to grab another beer. 

“Hey Jens.”

He didn’t expect to hear another voice coming from his living room area, and he definitely didn’t expect it to be Misha’s. He nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around. 

“Jesus, Mish! What the hell?!”

Misha stood and walked across the room not stopping until he was mere inches from him. Jensen swallowed thickly looking down at the neck of the beer bottle to try and distract himself. 

“Why are you avoiding me, Jay? Jared says you’re not, but I can tell you are. You’ve barely said two words to me today other than when we filmed that scene. Even then, I could tell something was wrong. You rarely break character.”

Jensen shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Mish I … It’s not that simple. Y-You didn’t do anything wrong … I just … I can’t do this.”

Misha grabbed his arm before he could get away and pressed him against the wall. The way Jensen’s breath hitched didn’t go unnoticed by him, and that only confirmed his suspicions. 

“Can’t do what Jay?”

Jensen inhaled sharply, the smell of Misha’s cologne nearly making him moan.

“Wha - What are you doing?!”

Misha rested a hand on Jensen’s chest. The water droplets still lingered and he could feel the rapid beat of his heart against his palm. 

“Shh. Just relax Jay. Just let go.”

Jensen closed his eyes, shuddering under the warmth of his fingertips. 

“I - I don’t know what you’re ta-”

Before he could finish his sentence Misha’s lips were on his. For a split second, all Jensen could do was stand there. Eventually, he threw caution to the wind and began to kiss him back. His lips were pillow-soft and he tasted of spearmint. It was intoxicating, and it only made Jensen more dizzy with want. 

Misha tilted his head and licked at Jensen’s bottom lip requesting permission. He granted him access without hesitation groaning as he licked into his mouth. Misha’s knee pressed between his thigh forcing the towel around his waist to come loose. The friction against his dick along with Misha’s perfect lips kissing and licking along his pulse point became his undoing. Jensen wasted no more time contemplating whether he was making a big mistake or not. The hottest man he’d ever laid eyes on was bringing him pleasure he’d never felt before, and he intended on returning it tenfold. 

“Unngh M-Mish… fuck…”

A low growl came from Jensen’s throat as he maneuvered them toward the hallway. His towel lay forgotten on the floor, his hands finding refuge in Misha’s short dark locks. He tore at the slightly shorter man’s shirt trying desperately to remove it. Buttons littered the small space scattering in different directions when it wouldn’t come off fast enough. Misha chuckled and brought Jensen’s head down for another bruising kiss. 

“Wardrobe is gonna be pissed you know. That was one of Castiel’s only clean white shirts.”

Jensen worked at his belt and wasted no time in shoving Misha’s slacks down his legs. His mouth watered at the sight of his tented boxers, a noticeable wet spot becoming more prominent from his arousal. 

“Don’t care. Wardrobe can take it outta my pay. Need you too bad.”

Misha knew how reserved Jensen was, and the fact that he was unable to speak in full sentences and was on the verge of losing control was by far the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. Slowly Misha sank to his knees and looked up at Jensen through his long lashes. He wetted his lips placing open-mouthed kisses on his thighs. Jensen whimpered shamelessly when Misha licked a long stripe up the underside of his cock. Before he could process what was happening, Misha took him deep into his mouth and didn’t stop until he hit the back of his throat. 

“F-Fuck! Christ, Misha... “ 

Misha couldn’t get enough of how Jensen tasted. It reminded him of sandalwood and old spice. He stripped off his boxers and began palming his cock, moaning at the way Jensen was coming undone by his mouth alone. 

“Fuck Jay, you taste so good. Wanna feel you cum baby. Wanna taste every last drop of that sweet nectar.”

Jensen was so close he could taste it. The heat coiled in his lower belly, and his hands instinctively came out to grasp the back of Misha’s head. His rhythmic thrusts soon became more erratic as the first waves of his orgasm washed over him. 

“Oh fuck! Mish I’m gonna… fuck I-I’m gon- ah!!!”

Jensen watched as Misha swallowed around him making sure not to miss a single drop. He stood, pressing his lean body against his, leaving a trail of kisses along his jaw. 

“Such a good boy Jay. You taste so good too.”

Jensen’s breathing was ragged as he came down from his high. His eyes were closed and his cock was still rock hard. He was a goddamn goner. Never in his life had he come that hard, not until Misha anyway. 

Mere minutes later, Jensen was sprawled out on his bed. Misha was rooting around in his drawers for something, and soon he realized what it was. His eyes went wide at the small bottle of lube and the predatory look in his co-star’s eyes. 

“Mish, I… I’ve never…”

Misha silenced him with a sweet kiss on his lips. 

“I know baby, don’t worry okay? I’m gonna make sure you’re nice and prepared for me. Gonna make you feel so good, Jay. Can’t wait to hear those pretty moans you'll make just for me.”

The sound of the bottle cap opening filled the room and soon Misha was coating his fingers with the shiny liquid. He leaned his body over Jensen’s, resting his weight on one arm. The other slid between his bow legs finding his entrance with ease. Jensen sucked in a breath as Misha pressed one digit against his opening. 

“Shh, baby you gotta relax for me. Just breathe, Jay. Let me in and I’ll show you how good it feels.”

Jensen opened his eyes and was met with Misha’s lust-blown ones. He let out a shaky breath, and let his mouth fall open as Misha eased in his finger. He eased it in and out slowly creating a steady rhythm. It wasn’t painful, but it was definitely foreign. Soon Misha slid in another finger and curled them upwards searching out his prostate. He knew he’d found it when Jensen’s back arched off the bed and the prettiest moan he’d ever heard fell from his lips. 

“Mmmm, Jay… I wanna taste you. Get on all fours baby. Gonna show you how good it feels to be worshiped.”

Jensen flipped over on his belly and gripped his pillow. Misha hooked his fingertips into the place where his thighs met his hips and pulled him so his ass was presented to him nicely. 

“So beautiful... “

Misha placed a hand on each side of his ass and spread him open. Jensen dipped his head low and groaned when he felt the wetness of Misha’s tongue against his hole lapping at him repeatedly. He could feel the familiar heat in his core and began fisting his cock furiously. 

“Oh God… Mish! Please… p-please need to feel you…”

Misha pulled away, his chin glistening with saliva. He turned Jensen over so he was laying on his back again. He pushed two fingers back inside him and began to scissor him open gently. His mouth leaving love bites along Jensen’s inner thighs. 

“Gotta get you ready for me baby. Don’t wanna hurt you any more than necessary.”

Soon Misha was three fingers deep and Jensen was wantonly meeting every thrust. He could almost cum like this. Watching his best friend coming undone by his hands alone. It was almost too much. 

“Please f-fuck me… please! Need you. Fuck Misha please!”

Misha removed his fingers and slicked his cock up with lube. He once again leaned over Jensen and captured their lips in a heated kiss. He knew this would hurt, so he did his best to distract him from the pain. Pressing firmly against his tight hole, he sheathed himself inside him. Both of them moaned obscenely at the sensation, and Misha tried not to cum at the way Jensen’s muscles squeezed him deliciously. After a few seconds, he felt the Texan’s nails scrape bluntly against his chest. 

“Fuck me Mish… Wanna feel everything you’ve got.”

Misha growled and pulled out almost completely, before slamming back into him. Jensen threw his head back and gripped the sheets, not caring that his sinful moans filled his trailer. They built up a steady pace, and both were well aware that people walking by could tell what was going on. Soon Misha’s brutal thrusts became more sporadic. His forehead rested against Jensen’s as his cock pounded him, brushing against his prostate over and over again. 

“Fuck Mish, You’re gonna make me cum again… c’mon baby, fill me up. Wanna feel you cum inside me. Fuck baby, just like that...Oh, God!”

Misha swallowed his moans with a heated kiss. Jensen could feel his second orgasm of the day approaching as Misha continued to fuck into him. He began to stroke his cock feverishly, his ass tight around Misha’s dick as the first spurts of white coated his belly. 

“F-FUCK MISHA!!” 

Misha wasn’t far behind, filling him up, as he felt Jensen’s cum coat their chests. They stayed like that, breath heavy, and beads of sweat covering their bodies. Slowly Misha pulled out and grabbed the nearest article of clothing to clean them up. 

He climbed back on the bed and laid next to Jensen nuzzling into his neck. He felt the warmth of his arms snake around his torso and held him close. 

“Fuck, that was amazing..” Jensen purred. 

Misha peppered kisses along his pulse point and raked his nails lightly down his back. 

“You did so well for your first time, Jay. I’m so proud of you. Took me so well.” Misha said tiredly.

Jensen felt his breathing even out, and soon light snores fell from his lips. It was hard to believe how fast he was falling for this man, but he couldn’t wait to see where they’d take their newfound relationship. Whatever happened, he knew he would be along for the ride