#but thats just because i can't communicate
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anakinstwinklebunny · 3 days ago
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whats sam and vinnie‘s relationship like when vinnie talks properly? Like when he’s 4 maybe 5
Hands down Vinnie talk constantly, with this high and excited voice, words running together in one long, breathless sentences. Sam of course would be always tired. No matter the amount of sleep he'd gotten. But i strongly believe Sam's also so pathetically soft for his kid, it's disgusting (for his friends). Vinnie will be sitting cross-legged on the kitchen counter, cheeks all smushed between his hands, swinging his little feet and just rambling about everything-the bugs he saw outside, why the sky's blue, whether dinosaurs liked peanut butter-and Sam's standing there trying to look unimpressed while making him a PB&J.. his eyes keep going all soft and tired and fond because Vinnie's little voice is just...God.
At night I think it'd be worse.. Vinnie's got this thing where he has to debrief before bed, okay? Like, he's gotta lay there all tucked in, eyes wide and bright, and whisper-tell Sam about every single thing that happened that day--who he saw at preschool, what snack he had, why the neighbor's cat is probably an alien. Sam would just lay beside him, looking at the ceiling and just mumbling back; "That so?" and "S'not how that works, dude," but he would never actually tell Vinnie to stop. Sam would also shamelessly wrap his arm around his lil guy and just let him cuddle to his side, cus at the end of the day, none made Sam Monroe this soft like Vinnie did.
Then there are the soft moments, okay? Like, when Vinnie's barely awake, all sleepy and his voice gets real quiet and he mumbles all lisped and tired, "Night, Daddy. Love you."
There's no 'Sammy' or 'Thammy' anymore. Not after Sam gently insisted vinnie would call him «dad». Yet still, it aches in Sam's chest in this painful way, as if his own heart was hurting. Because that only means Vinnie gets bigger, older, and..Sam won't be needed like he once was..
He mutters a gruff, "Yeah, yeah, love you too, Little Man," but his voice cracks a little, and his fingers brush all soft through Vinnie's messy curls because he can't not.
I dont want to paint vinnie as a perfect baby, cus none kid is perfect really, so there are tantrums. Because obviously Vinnie's got even a lil bit of Sam's attitude, right? All pouty lips and furrowed brows and hands on his hips like he's a full-grown adult when Sam tells him it's bedtime.
He'll stomp one tiny foot, cheeks flushed and brows all scrunched up, voice pitching high and offended-"You're the meanest, daddy!"-and Sam's gotta turn away real quick because his lips are twitching and he can't let Vinnie see him laugh.
But like-not even ten minutes later, Vinnie's all sniffling and teary-eyed, dragging Bobo (the stuffed bear) by one arm, curling tiny fists into Sam's flannel with a wobbly, "M'sorry, Daddy."
And Sam's heart just shatters. Cus at the end of the day, even if vinnie has tantrums, he is his ray of sunshine sweetheart baby. He scoops Vinnie right up, presses his face into his soft baby curls, mumbles all gruff and cracked, "S'alright, Little Man. You're good. But next time, we gotta talk it out, alright? Like, you know, to have healthy relationship..or..just so we could have a normal talk without you doing all these big acts, okay?" Sam obviously would still cringe after using «healthy relationship» and «talk it out» in one sentence, but...thats what the book 'how to raise a toddler; communication, diet, issues at hand' said..and yes, he still reads those. He has to keep on truck (also he just has this need to be the best dad for vinnie and is absolutely scared of failing)
And they stay like that, Vinnie clinging tight with his face smushed into Sam's neck, babbling muffled apologies while Sam's chest aches and his fingers stroke mindless circles into Vinnie's tiny back.
So in general, I think Sam would be pretty mature in his dad-role..or at least will try to. But i believe they'd have deep trust in themselves, and they'd just be the duo. Dad and son. Also Sam kind of would treat Vinnie as his bestie...cus he wants to be best friends with vinnie..in a way that dad can be
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asapeveryday · 7 hours ago
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noctuary pt.3 - p.b + tlou au
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noc·​tu·​ary ˈnäkchəˌwerē
: a collection of a single night's events, thoughts or dreams
--part two
pairing: Paige Bueckers x reader
AU: The Last of Us 2 x Wbb crossover
warnings:
synopsis: you meet her on the brink of giving up. she’s suspicious, too nice, too charismatic. you know you should be on guard, but you’ve got nowhere to go, and she’s eager to have nobody to be.
notes: sorry its been a hot second, i wrote a chunk of this from a hospital bed while i was half delirious so honestly it kinda sucks, even with the editing i managed to do later on. reader in jackson + how we react to the environment will be fleshed out more next chap, ik a lot of u guys were interested in how it would play out.
THE POWER of a name is one that you feel you'd be better off without.
Trees sift and rustle against wind, morning doves coo, water flows from beneath the cliff. The fire's gone out, there's no more crackle, no more warmth. The butt of the joint you shared last night lay dead by your feet.
Her heart beats under your ear, her chest rising and falling with every breath. You can't help but blink in disbelief, once, twice, three times before practically jumping off of her, scampering backwards, staring at her like she's alien.
She stays asleep, lips slightly parted. You watch as her eyelids flutter as if she notices your absence. But she doesn't stir much past that.
You take the moment to calm yourself.
You'd met her two days ago. She'd saved you from being eaten, tested your state, and deemed you savable. She held your backpack for ransom. Used her resources on you, and cleaned your wound.
It took you longer to recall the events of day two, the stalkers that attacked you, the sick-inducing fear, your half-naked swim in the waterfall, the shared joint, the head you foolishly allowed to rest on her shoulder, the questions and their answers.
Those two days were long. Long enough to delude you into being too trustful. You look at her longer, at her pale skin and shut eyes, and realize she doesn't scare you as much as she did the days before.
The thought alone only makes things more dangerous. Not just because of the way your guard has fallen, or the way you've relied on her.
It's because she isn't just she anymore. She's Paige.
It makes her real, more human. More than a blessing born of shitty circumstances. It makes her the girl around your age, the one with stark blue eyes, three siblings, and the incoherent need to be your saviour.
It all leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.
It didn't matter that she'd been kind, it didn't matter that she'd stare too long, or lick her lips before talking, or clench her fists at the thought of your mistreatment.
You decide then that she's a fool. A fool for sparing you her sincerity, her soft touch and patience. A fool for wasting her supplies, for doubling her travel time to accommodate you.
You feel stupid for melting for the first person to give a damn. You almost consider grabbing everything and leaving, finding your own way, deserting her with nothing.
But passing up the opportunity to lean on a new community would make you a fool, too.
You manage to tear your eyes away from her at that, getting up and carefully making your way down the cliff. You take your shoes off as you reach the foot of the cool water, instantly flinching at the contact.
You make your mind up in that moment. You'll stay by her side and integrate into her community. You'll express your gratitude, and you'll smile. And then you'll stay the fuck away from her.
As the cold water runs over your feet, you take the moment to stare at your reflection. Your bare, clean skin. Your messy hair, your wrinkled top thats only slightly stained with blood now. Things will be fine. You'll just have to be careful.
When you walk back up to the cliff, albeit shakily, you're met with the sight of her back facing you as she packs everything up. The firewood is gone, the pit barely visible, remenants of food nowhere to be found. As if nobody was ever here.
When her eyes turn to meet yours, she sends you a lopsided smile that you falter to reciprocate.
Finally, she puts everything away and shoulders the two backpacks, hopping to adjust them before fishing something out of her pocket.
"Morning." She hums, voice still raspy. "Eat this."
She places the wrapped item in your hand—another pre-made sandwich like the one she tossed you a few days earlier.
"Thank you." You mumble, and she simply nods.
"Ready to go?" She asks.
"Yeah."
"Good." She grins. "We've got a few hours to go."
--
“Your leg’s holdin’ up pretty okay, huh?”
“Mhm.” You hum, glancing at the wound as you walk. It’s mostly scabbing over, still raw around the middle. It hurts when you touch it, but walking isn’t as troublesome as before. She—Paige—doesn’t have to stop or slow as much as she did the days before.
There isn’t as much talking this time around, and there are no more questions. Maybe she’s gotten her fill of you, asked everything she wanted to know. Maybe it was all out of courteous intent, and since the journey was ending soon it no longer served any purpose.
Whatever the reason, it relieves you in some ways. It means you don’t have to awkwardly hold yourself back from leaning into her words too much. There aren’t any words after all.
Despite that, the silence also seems to disappoint you.
Paige still hauls the two backpacks, and she still turns her head ever so slightly to make sure you're okay, but she walks farther ahead. All you have to look at is the line of her broad shoulders, and the mess of her blonde hair.
“Careful, now.” She says, cutting through the quiet with a subtle glance behind her. “It’s gonna get a little harder from here.”
“I’ll be fine.” You shrug, and she nods in return.
You keep walking, trying to keep your mind off of her. The terrain is changing with every step, trees becoming sparser, oaks being replaced by evergreens. The ground becomes rougher, more uneven. The route she leads you through requires more than walking, you find yourself having to bring your knees higher, push yourself harder.
While you’re left panting and stumbling, she walks like it’s no problem, like she’s done it a thousand times over.
“You good?”
“Great.” You say through clenched teeth, exhaling heavily. You’re not out of shape, but your balance is off centre and you’re trying your hardest not to put too much weight on your left leg. You hadn’t eaten much the past two days despite her olive branch of prepared sandwiches that she keeps forcing on you, so you were admittedly lacking in strength. Still, you didn’t want to keep taking handouts. You threw the sandwich she gave you away again a few miles back.
“Need me to slow down?” She asks.
“No.” You huff, unable to hold down the attitude. You wished she would just leave you be, let you suffer like she had when you first met her, when she wanted to test your endurance.
“Okay.” She raises a brow. You know she can feel your change in mood, but she doesn’t push past it.
You follow her in silence as she hops and scales angled grounds like it’s nothing, backpacks jingling. You wonder if it’s labour that’s made her so fit, or if she trains like many do if they have the resources. Your best friend from home, Caitlin, used to train whenever she got the chance.
“Watch your step.” She cuts into your thoughts, and you watch as she gracefully maneuvers herself off a little cliff onto the ground. She turns to watch you as your feet meet the edge.
“You okay to jump?” She asks, and it irks you further.
You want to say yes, but the jump is a little tough. You might risk opening the wound again, or landing funny on your legs.
“Should I help you?” Paige continues.
“Can you just relax?” You shoot back. “I can manage.”
“I am relaxed.” She snorts infuriatingly. “You had no problem with my help before.”
“Well I’m not bleeding out everywhere now, am I?” You retort, and she simply scoffs, hands gripping the straps of her backpack. Her biceps pop as she does so, much to your dismay.
“Go for it then.” She shrugs, still watching you.
With a furrowed brow, you sit down at the edge of the rocky bed and opt for slipping down feet first rather than jumping. Her eyes stay on you as you carefully lift yourself up with your hands, letting your legs find the proper footing to step down.
It hurts a little, not as much as it would’ve if you jumped, but the dull throb does make an appearance. She notices your flinch, you’re sure she does, but she doesn’t interfere.
When you’re down from the cliff she lets out a low whistle.
“Thank god there aren’t any more of those. It’d take us all day to get there.”
“You could’ve kept walking, if it’s such a problem.” You frown.
She just considers you for a moment. You’re not doing a good job of hiding your newfound discontent. Perhaps she’s wondering about the change of heart compared to your apparent warmth the night before.
If it makes any difference to her, she doesn’t show it.
She just turns and keeps going. And you follow.
Dawn turns to bright morning within the next hour or so, Sun blazing hard on your skin. The weather is hot today, enough to require Paige to wipe her forehead of sweet every so often. Your mouth goes dry a few times, but you don’t ask for water. For once, she doesn’t offer.
The terrain gets rougher and rougher, and it takes you longer and longer to get step to step at her pace. You can feel her impatience radiating but she doesn’t shed a single complaint. For whatever reason, her silence irritates you.
And then the landscape begins to roll and peak. Mountains large enough to block giants fill your sight.
And then you see it.
Large, looming walls, water towers and electrical lines, crops and gardens, buildings on buildings.
It's not just a community, definitely not a camp.
It's a whole damn city.
You can't help but stop dead in your tracks as you peer at the sight, heart already beating fast. Paige pauses ahead of you, turning to see why you've stopped.
Her eyes wash over your expression, every feature on your face. She turns to look at the landscape, and then turns back to you with a small, amused smile.
And finally, she says something that does irk you, but rather fills your gut with an excitable tightening, half nerves, half wonder.
"We're here." She says, stating the obvious with a proud look on her face, "Welcome to Jackson."
JACKSON IS a whirlwind of unintelligible things that your brain can’t comprehend, there’s too many things to focus on, and not enough energy in your body.
It’s massive, you can see it even from the entrance she tells you to stop in front of. Weathered adults with salt-and-pepper hair stand guard near the opened doors with rifles hanging around their backs.
The town is lived in and bustling, you can see people coming and going through buildings, children running and playing through the streets. The air smells like smoke and grass, it's not stale or tense like the air you're used to. String lights hang from the banisters that wrap around bars and shacks that line the open road, not yet illuminated.
And then come the masses.
“What the hell, Paige.” Someone squeals, practically galloping over to you and her with speed you haven’t even seen in a bloodthirsty runner.
The girl, with shoulder-length twists thrown in a half-up hairstyle, pummels into Paige like a bull to red fabric, somehow punching and hugging her at the same time.
A large group of women follow close behind her, some running fast while others have no urgency, like this is all a part of routine. As they draw closer you realize they’re all around the same age as you. They barely even shed you a glance, opting to circle around Paige.
“You’ve been gone like, three days!” One chirps.
“We’re lucky she came back in one piece this time” Someone snorts in return.
“You left your horse here again, I swear to god one day you’re gonna be stranded out there.” Another says.
“I don’t like riding much.” Paige shrugs, and you notice the immediate change in her demeanour, the way her low voice rises and her smile widens.
“Please.” A sharp looking girl with her hair pulled back in a ponytail scoffs, “We both know that’s not true.”
The group bursts into laughter at that, shrill hollers of ew’s and calm downs! ringing in your ears as Paige coughs out a loud guffaw. Her eyes dart to you, cheeks reddening with both embarrassment and happiness. There’s a glint in her stare, something playful and curious. Eventually, the others seem to follow her gaze.
In an instant, the sharp looking one’s eyes find yours too. Her thick brows furrow in thought, and she saunters up to you with an analytical look.
“You found someone.” She says, still talking to Paige, who clears her throat.
“Yeah, just outside of the forest. Had at least three clickers on her ass.” Paige nods, and her friends all seem to gasp at her words. Suddenly, their eyes feel ten times heavier. It takes everything not to shrink under their gaze.
The sharp one drags her eyes up and down you, catching on your bloodstained shirt and ragged pants, before narrowing in on your wound.
“Damn.” She snorts, “What the fuck made that.”
She looks up at you, eyes wide and expecting, and you realize she’s actually talking to you now.
“Saw.” You say curtly, and the girl lets out a scoff of disbelief, turning to look at her peers.
“Saw,” She repeats, “this girl said she got sliced by a saw.”
A little ripple of mumbling breaks out, and you’re unsure how to respond. The strangers share glances to speak words you can't understand, so you immediately feel out of place and on guard.
You glance at Paige for some guidance, but she doesn’t seem too bothered.
It's only natural--you once had that same solidarity, albeit it was with a much smaller group of people. Those stares are the kind that can't be broken through by any outsider, the kind that spread warmth in your chest when reciprocated.
You'd thrown it all away now, or had it stolen, more accurately. There isn't much more to do but hope that whatever silent words they exchange, they lean in your favour.
“You checked her?” Another asks, a taller, darkskin girl with her hair up in a bun asks.
“She’s clear.” Paige nods. “She made it all this way, didn’t she?”
"Who're you with?" The sharp one continues, "you alone?"
You nod, and she chews the inside of her cheek. "Someone get Geno and Dawn over here." She says, and one of the girls runs off in the opposite direction direction.
A lot more people have stopped to watch the reunion now, and you notice a common reaction of happiness at the sight of Paige, and curiousity at the sight of you. No animosity or cold-hearted looks. The stares, while definetly guarded, are more observing than defensive.
"Did you guys manage okay?" Someone asks Paige, another tall girl with longer, black hair and tan skin.
"I killed the ones that were on her." Paige nods. "We ran into some stalkers in the forest on the way...it caught us off guard, but I managed."
With a small glance your way again, she shrugs. "She held her own too, even with her leg all messed."
It's a simple comment, but her words seem to hold a lot of weight within the group. They drink her information like it's ambrosia, you can see the way it infiltrates their opinion of you. This is her way of putting in good word, and it works.
There’s another mumble within the group, this time one of approval. The sharp one turns to you again, eyes cutting through you like a knife. She holds her hand out after some consideration, and you watch it like it might reach out to hit you.
It doesn’t though, it’s outstretched and open. A peace offering. You take it.
“Nika.” She says.
You nod, trading your name in return.
“S’ gonna leave a badass scar.” She smiles, and the expression makes you feel a little less uneasy. With those words alone, the rest of the group comes running, circling around you like they did with Paige.
“Paige, what’s in that other backpack you got?”
“Yeah, why d’you have two?”
One thing's for sure, their questions are going to make your head spin.
--
PEOPLE IN JACKSON are nothing like what you're used to, and you realize quickly that if Paige's kindness is dangerous, you're gonna be in for a lot more trouble.
Dawn and Geno are older, rugged around the edges with warmth you can feel festering beneath their tough exteriors. They drill you with questions until they're satisfied with their responses before leading you from building to building.
One for a medical checkup--doctors are rare, but experience has given people enough knowledge to help around the place. Three people poke and prod at your leg as well as any other blemishes and scars you bare while Geno mumbles aside to Paige, who's suprisngly still tagging along.
"You don't have to stay." You hear him say, and you don't hear what she says in return but you know she doesn't leave. She watches as people ask you questions while they apply ointments and bandages. You try not to notice, or care.
Geno leaves once that's finished, leaving you with Paige and Dawn.
Dawn, a worn but wise-looking woman, takes over from there. As she leads you through the busy roads of Jackson, you can feel Paige occasionally glancing over at you. You don’t turn to meet her stare.
“We work through a bartering system for the most part.” Dawn says. “But a lot of it is based off how much you contribute, too. What you give, you get back in equal amount, more or less.”
“What’ll I be doing?” You ask.
“Whatever we find that fits you.” She smiles. “You can work in the bar, the green houses, the shops. You could go on patrols like Paige and a few of the others, though I doubt you’re eager to be out there again so soon.”
She doesn’t give you much time to answer, her eyes sliding down to your leg and back up again. “You’ll have time to rest up before you have to make a choice though. Just take things as they come.”
It’s easier said than done. You can tell just by brushing past these people that here’s an avid gap between you and them, it’s too soon to know what that gap holds, exactly, but you feel it. Maybe it’s the sense of belonging, maybe something deeper, less solvable with time.
Still, you try to perk up. You shed a laugh when two kids run into each other head first, too busy gawking at Paige and Dawn to pay attention. You try not to shy away from any stares or whispers that graze your skin as you pass. You admire the wooden houses and stores, some run down while others have been coated with fresh paint in warm hues.
Eventually Dawn stops walking, turning to you and Paige.
“Show her the important stuff.” Dawn says to Paige. “Then take her to her place.”
Your ears perk at that, but you manage to keep your interest under wraps.
“Yes ma’am.” Paige smiles, and Dawn flicks the girls shoulder. “Don’t get smart.”
With that, you’re alone again with her. She’s got this natural brightness to her now, like she’s exactly where she wants to be. She starts walking again, nodding for you to follow, and you do.
“This is The Clay Pit.” Paige points to one building. “Best barbecue in town.”
“And that one’s Nubuck Leather.” We get our good leather from there, they do us miracles for winter clothes too.”
You nod politely, eyeing every building her finger points to. You can feel the smile in every word she says, like each location reminds her of some fond memory.
“Main Street is where we get our clothes.” She motions to a large building, wooden exterior painted blue. “Mostly through trading. Gets harder and harder to find new stuff these days.”
You nod again, looking around the town square till a larger building catches your eye. It’s built interestingly, with a white circular roof over the entrance. The white panels have words on them, surrounded by blinking lights.
“What’s that?” You ask.
“Oh, yeah.” Paige hums, following your gaze. “That’s the theatre.”
“Theatre?”
“Yeah. For movies.”
“Like…for real?” You gape.
Paige falters for a moment, searching your face in disbelief. “You haven’t heard of a movie?”
“I have.” You snort. “Just never watched one. Didn’t think we could anymore.”
“We can.” Paige says. “We only have a few that still work, but it’s great. The theatre is a good spot to hang out too.”
“Hang out?” You raise a brow.
“Yeah.” She winks, holding her thumb and index finger pressed together and towards her mouth, mimicking an inhale and exhale. “If you know what I mean.”
“Right.” You roll your eyes. “About that. Dawn said that what people give here, they get back. What exactly does one get for contributing drugs to the community?”
“Glad you asked.” Paige hums, smiling slightly. “It’s already taken care of. Look we’re almost here.”
The buildings are different now, a little wider, more shabby on the outside, more uniform. There’s bigger spaces between them, and a lot less people running through the gravel roads. You realize these are houses.
Paige checks each one out carefully till she stops in front of one with a grin. She sidesteps, motioning you to walk ahead.
“Go on.” She smirks, and against your better judgement you obey her.
As you push open the rusted red door of the house, you’re met with the sight of a bigger space than you expected. It’s two levels, living room and kitchen on the first floor while the basement narrows into a small bedroom and bathroom. You can see from your spot by the door that there are people downstairs, chatting and laughing idly.
“S’not much, but it’s more than most newcomers get when they come here.” Paige hums from behind you, shutting the door.
“This is where I’m staying?” You ask, wholly bewildered. For a moment you think it’s some sort of trap, a gaping hole in your stomach beginning to form as you take a 360 glance around the place, bare but alive and breathing.
“Sure is.” Paige nods. “N’ that’s not all.”
She grins with excitement as she heads down the short flight of stairs, and you follow soon after her. Your bedroom is filled with more things than you expected compared to the first level, the bed has mismatched sheets and the walls have hastily stuck posters.
There’s also a lot of women in your room.
“She’s here!” Nika smiles, coming over to you with an armful of clothes. “I got you a decent amount for now…a few thermals for when it gets colder, new pants, shorts for home, oh- and a lot of flannels. You’ll fit right in with those.”
You’re still in a daze as she plops the mountain of clothes into your arms.
One of the other girls smiles at you—the one with half up hair who ferociously pounced on Paige—as she sets down some rolled up posters against the wall of the room.
Many faces turn to smile at you, some even say your name. You don’t know if you want to go crazy and accuse them of something, or break down an cry.
You opt for setting down the clothes instead, and sending Paige a very wary look.
She picks up on your discomfort immediately, rubbing the back of her head with a subtle nod. “I’m gonna show her something outside real quick.”
The others nod, or call out words of acknowledgment, too engrossed in the decoration of this bedroom. You dart up the stairs fast, Paige close behind you, and practically bolt out of the door.
The fresh air should refresh you, but the new smell of sweet smoke and healthy grass throws you off. You sit shakily on the front porch of the house, rubbing your eyes with your hands.
You used to go outside a lot. You shared rooms back at your old community, they were suffocating and loud. People fought all day, fought all night. You spent many nights outside, sometimes it felt safer. The air was cleaner, colder, enough to distract for the thick, sweaty feeling of deliberate hate and frustration under the covers you shared.
Paige sits beside you, not saying much. She lets you breath in and out, waiting patiently as you recall everything before in an attempts to deal with the now. When your hands part from your face, she finally sets her eyes on you.
You feel pierced by them again, they’re so light, so trained on your face.
“Too much?” She asks.
“Too much.” You nod. “The whole thing is mine?”
“This is your house.” She says. “That’s your room. This is your front yard.”
“I don’t need a front yard.” You say sullenly. “Or a living room. Or any of this.”
“You don’t need it, but you can have it anyways.” Paige says quietly. “Living here isn’t about necessity. We have everything we need. We’re allowed to be a little greedy, or really, we earn it.”
“What exactly did I do to earn it?” You bite.
“The minute those girls found out about what you brought for us, they weren’t gonna let it be any other way.” Paige snorts. “We haven’t sparked up in ages, Dawn n’ Geno are crazy about patrollers being on that shit.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s tough love. Anyways, they insisted that you live close to most of us. We haven’t had a newcomer who is around our age in over five years, just forty year old men or the odd little kid. They’re pretty excited. They wanted to decorate your room too, they each brought something of their own to liven it up, Nika practically handed you half her wardrobe.”
She keeps saying they. They’re so excited, they wanted to help. You finally turn to look at her, and you catch as her tongue darts out to wet her lips.
“What about you?” You ask.
“Me?”
“What do you think about…all this?” You mutter.
“I think this place is gonna be good for you.” She says, a sideways grin breaking out onto her face. “And that we’re all excited to have you.”
Your stomach tightens familiarly as she says it, as her lips quirk upwards, as her eyes glint mischievously. You feel your guard slip again, you feel your common sense waltz out.
You straight up before you can get too comfortable, recalling what you promised yourself before you reached here.
“Thank you, Paige.” You say with a smile, and you mean it. “I’ve been meaning to tell you I’m grateful.”
“Don’t be. Anyone would’ve done it.” She smiles, finally breaking away from your stare as her cheeks flush slightly.
She sits beside you for a bit longer, and both of you watch the sky as it begins to darken. It was morning when you arrived, but now evening is approaching, and dark clouds are rolling over the sun.
You wonder if you’ll be able to manage. If these girls are as nice as they try to be, if you were better off alone in the wilderness, or as clicker feed. You wonder if it’ll be easy to avoid Paige in a town this tight knit.
She gets up first, stretching her legs with a huff before turning towards you, hands on her hips.
“You good?”
“Yeah.” You nod.
“Good.” She nods, giving you a once-over. “I’ll see you around then?”
You falter for a moment. She’s going away, presumably to her own shabby home somewhere around these parts. It’ll be the first time you’re apart from her in days.
“Yeah.” You nod, swallowing tersely. “See you around.”
She turns with a grin, and you watch her walk away as the sky continues to darken. It starts to rain after a few more moments, after she’s of sight.
-
YOU LAY AWAKE in your new bed. The mattress is creaky, the sheets cold around your limbs. Your room is full of posters from movies you haven’t watched, and basketball stars you don’t know. Little trinkets glint against the slight light from the moon.
You'll stay by her side and integrate into her community. You'll express your gratitude, and you'll smile. And then you'll stay the fuck away from her. That was what you decided on, back at the waterfall.
You fall asleep with that plan in mind.
—tags
@juumecca @cowboybueckers @sweetbcgs @rishofkf @yailtsv @bueckers2fudd @syraxsbigfanfr @azziswrld
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freakurodani · 2 months ago
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heartbreak because i am so close to being loved but i cant let myself cross that threshold, forcing myself to stay on the outside because i believe that i am just not worthy, that surely there is love, but it is not for me, so i am left bereft and aching, because i want it, i want it so fucking bad and its right there, its being given to me, but i refuse, i refuse, i refuse and why why why am i doing this, i want it, i want it more than anything in the world love me love me love me love me, prove me wrong, fight me because i am my own ruin, destroy me and build me up so that i can forget the me that feels unworthy, let me know nothing of worth, let me just know how to feel, destroy these hands that refuse to take what is given to them, crack open my ribs and shove your love directly into my heart and maybe they i can accept it like i so desperately crave
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alchemicaladarna · 1 year ago
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I'll never stop gushing about this because I don't think people realize just how cool it was to see Quackity, Roier, Bad, and Yangdding all hanging out last night (this morning?? Lol)
Being in the fandom for nearly a year, you get used to people speaking different languages and sometimes using the translator. And there are times when people just speak English when together instead because sometimes the translator doesn't pick up certain parts of the conversation, but last night, we just witnessed 4 people relying on the translator completely.
LIKE. HOW AWESOME IS THAT???
A Korean speaker, an English speaker, and two Spanish speakers having fluent conversations in their native languages. And these conversations just flow so naturally that my sleep deprived ass didn't even fully register that they were speaking different languages.
The QSMP is truly revolutionary. I've seen people say it's like reverse Tower of Babel, but in Minecraft; and that's not an overstatement at all.
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aelswiths · 10 months ago
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*screams into the void*
#the way he like seems to be choking back a sob of emotions before he says this#he can't bear the fact that he's causing her pain#and that there's nothing he can do to stop it#even though talking openly would help her but he can't do that#because if he does he would have to be vulnerable and if he's vulnerable aelswith might think him weak#which is something he knows she abhors (even though she hates it because of her own feelings of being seen as weak and unworthy)#and he can't bear her rejection because he loves her and if she were to reject him it would destroy him#he can be this open with uhtred because its a manipulation tactic#he's using vulnerability to get uhtred to do what he wants and thats why he can be so open in this scene. he's doing it strategically#but to be open with aelswith leaves him (in his mind) open to losing her since he's caused her so much pain throughout their marriage#and he would have to face the fact that he's done that and she might not forgive him and he can't do that#aelswith is so upset in this scene because she thinks its his final way of saying to her “you aren't worthy” when really its a tactic#to help ensure that she and their children will be safe#but they literally cannot properly communicate with each other because of all of the painful history between them#I'm going insane#I love them so much#they are everything to me#literally everything#he loves her so much#like he could not survive losing her - just the way he clings to her all throughout s3 speaks to that#I really think that because of the similarities between uhtred and aelswith uhtred's betrayal makes him start to fear that he could lose he#and he just starts to cling to her for reassurance that she'll never leave and she won't stop believing in him#ok I'm done#for now#I'm crying#your honor I love them#they mean so much to me
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forestgreenlesbian · 1 year ago
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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snixx · 1 year ago
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good GOD can we stop gendering everything. I swear some of y'all just took the futch scale and decided to run with it as gender roles 2.0 (yassified edition)
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tadpoles-and-daydreams · 1 year ago
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Hi again, here's a different sort of ask to round out the reading requests! ☺️ I had (what I think is) an interesting thought rolling around in my head, and I thought that you might enjoy weighing in on it (no pressure to respond to this ask, of course), as you're someone who is likewise queer and polyamorous, but much, much more experienced with deity work. I'm just beginning to reconnect with someone who I've been loosely acquainted with for a while, and I'm aiming to grow a much deeper friendship with her (or maybe more! 🩷💜🩵) - AND I'm aware of who the major deities in her life have been (Apollo and Dionysus). I was considering whether it might be a fun and beneficial idea to connect a smidgen with her deities at the same time? I don't mean that I wish to begin working with them - I, as a beginner, have already adopted more deity friends than I should have - but would it be a good idea to introduce myself, have a friendly chat with them over a cup of tea, and announce my positive intentions towards one of their fave children? What's your opinion?
Heyo! Fucking adore this ask, you have no idea how needed an ask that WASN'T a reading request was needed lol. (Love the reading requests though!! Super excited for them, I just will need time to get through them!)
I fully understand "adopting more deity friends than you should have," my craft began with Persephone tbh and I had to just let go of the idea that a beginner can't do deity work and have recently had to make changes to the way I perceive deity work when it comes to how many I'm "allowed" to work with. That's just a side note, though-
HOLY SHIT I, for one, think you're a genius. That's such a green flag in my opinion, I think just having a chat with the deities she works with is a wonderful idea!! It vibes like getting the parent's blessing, letting them know you value their kid and want good things for her and such. I absolutely love using witchcraft as a love language of sorts, I literally just recently asked Apollo to go help out my partner's pet and he was happy to do so. My opinion is 100% go for it that sounds so fucking cool, friendship or romance it's seems to me like such a genuinely caring thing to do to specifically make the effort to reach out to her deities!
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beachyserasims · 10 months ago
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Geneva Island Legacy┃Chapter four┃Enjoy Your Stay
~ Transcript ~
I have to give a shout out to @cinamun and @therichantsim because they simspired me to build my own secret underground lab from this post.
Beginning / Previous / Next
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gtbutterfly · 1 year ago
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Over the last couple of days since the last gt con, I've done a lot of thinking, and I can confirm: I like being pet
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kaninchen-reblogs · 2 years ago
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okay but honestly? big love to all the transfems out there who don't fit the "usual stereotypes" that get tossed around a lot in online spaces.
Straight transfems
Asexual/Aromantic transfems
Sex-repulsed/non-hypersexual transfems
Transfems who aren't good at math
Transfems who aren't good with computers
Transfems who aren't big on gaming
Fat and/or hairy transfems
Transfems who like sports and the outdoors
Transfems who are "mainstream" and don't really do subcultures
Transfems who aren't furries
Neurotypical transfems
And of course, the biggest love to older transfems and transfems of color -- without you, this community wouldn't be here at all.
As a furry transfem gamer nerd who listens to weird music and is neurodivergent as hell, I love seeing all these folks online who are like me -- but I just wanted to post this thingie to make it clear that all transfems (and all trans people in general! I love you too, transmascs!) are deserving of love and appreciation, not just the ones we typically see online, y'know?
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dxxtruction · 8 months ago
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#iwtv is so much more fun if you're willing to actually dissect the story and characters and their world in good faith#which also means applying faults to characters as they are actually seen and not exaggerated or diminished simply by a bias#But when there is nothing actually definitive (only assumption to confirm) you can't actually say who's doing what w/o some bias involved#and yes a lot of times thats entirely going to be the right assumption because we can definitely infer#But there's a realm to where you do have to consider all possibilities are possible if they are left unanswered#you can place inferences but you can't claim them as definitive if they are just inferences#and other people are just going to have different inferences even bias. But this shouldn't mess with what's definitive about it.#basically taking a good faith journalism stance on it so your not falling into possible problematic biases#there are also functions of vampirism and how it works in this context which do not mirror our world 1 to 1#for instance whereas humans have to live in direct contact with society and its various problems bias and ideologies vampires live on the#outskirts of this. Only ever coming into contact by influencing onto that world by their outside actions or appearances#the human world serves nothing for them except as threat or supply for wants or needs. There's no real connection there.#When mapping vampiric existence onto human existence it can a lot of times lead to problems in trying to bridge this cognitive dissonance.#You can not be in community with humanity when you are by nature a being opposed to it. Which is contentious when you want to be part still#They can be effected by this and effect onto it yes but they are not actually a part of it and never will be.#I'd say if you effect onto humanity positively it's better to have it for the enjoyment of it alone as opposed to seeking human connection#as any criticisms of this connection your trying to seek is essentially denial your own sought humanity as opposed to the object of doing#and this would always be a lost cause#but i think I digress here#there are also cultural beliefs and practices of vampires that are not found in our world such as laws and covens and ideologies#a lot of which are quite actually opposed to normal human understandings of rightness and morality#they culturally are more open to accepting those who are viewed as less than or moral because this is a reflection of themselves#And we can and should certainly point to all of this stuff for what it is I feel
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shetheycock · 4 months ago
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Look i am not the smartest gal about this whole ai art discpurse but i have a opinion on it that doesn't seem fair towards it, but also i don't really care. I just really don't like it. It looks cheap as shit most of the time and when i see a roject using AI art it feels like the project itself is cheap. Great if theres a way to use it without having to scrape millions upon millions of art online, but i just can't like it because it looks like shit. Habing it know that nobody spent enough time to do something tells me that they don't care enough about it. Like with that AI Coca Cola ad. It is just ugly.
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belladonnafleur · 1 year ago
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🛏️
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ridragon · 1 year ago
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imagine having to use code words and mutually pretending your partner doesn't exist rather than just saying hey babe I'm overstimulated rn and need to not talk a while.
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icanseethefuture333 · 2 years ago
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I'm going through the same thoughts myself. I want to be a singer, but college is taking forever. I'm too shy (to be a singer) and I have lots of ptsd and trauma to work through, but I rarely see my therapist. Sigh. Unstable moods, depressed, hate my life, and wonder where is it heading to. I pray it gets better for us. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻
Relatable. I feel like I have many different things I want to do, but when it comes to bringing those ideas into reality or actually doing it, my self esteem goes out the window. I go from having a "God complex" (as in a inflated ego and feeling extremely confident, not narcissistic as in I think I'm better than others, but I overestimate my abilities within that moment) but then I get insecure when things goes wrong or having to actually speaking up for what I want. I've never been to therapy before my whole life even though I know for sure I need it, I just feel that's been denied from me for so long that I feel scared having to actually seek help for myself now. I feel that it's too late for me or I have to be hyper independent about everything.
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