#as any criticisms of this connection your trying to seek is essentially denial your own sought humanity as opposed to the object of doing

[dxxtruction]

///

[transhawks]

I remember that Hori referred to Hawks (and Ochako) being a 'light of hope' in 2021. It's also interesting that it was Hawks who commented on Ofa and how it connects people's hearts. Do you have any thoughts on this?

I think that arc was very dark for Hawks specifically and the anime's rendition of it is very dark. However these chapters... in 323-325 it is a bit different. It's where I think Hori was honest and where I do think Hawks and especially Ochako are at their brightest, narratively. So, uh, to go back to my writing for Graduation Day, I remember debating whether to analyze this scene because I thought it was relevant. I eventually decided that six thousand words is enough and to spare y'all, but let's get into it because I think it confirms my thesis that vulnerability is needed for connection in BNHA.

Ochako's first panels in 324 have her saying, admitting actually, that she cannot reassure people. She acknowledges they're all scared and worried.

This was the best thing she could have done.

The deification of heroes was something that led to the system they have now. Somewhere in the glitz and hero rankings people forgot these are regular people.

We see this repeatedly as an issue of identities - why Toshinori seems a shell of himself outside of All Might, most of Enji's issues boil down to him not knowing how to be Enji versus Endeavor and screwing his family up for it, and Hawks is...well, everything about Hawks is about being a Hero rather than a person, which is why Horikoshi had him kill someone literally named "humanity".

Ochako doesn't allow this to go on. She makes it clear they're all scared, they're all people who want safety, comfort, and want to be clean from mud and dirt, same as any other. It's why she's one of the Savior Kids; she's geared to try and humanize the other side. It's why she's paired with Toga. See below, as she thinks of Toga while giving a speech.

Essentially she reached the people in that crowd by reminding them who Deku is - a kid with way too much on his shoulders, a person just like them. Not a symbol, not a quirk, like AFO is treating him as. A boy. Or "regular high school kid" - yeah, I should have put this in Graduation Day, lol.

Symbols aren't meant to be fragile or have to come out from the rain. Deku does because he's a person.

So what about Hawks?

This isn't the last time Keigo is going make metaphors about One for All. Remember the line so many people read in bad faith about him comparing Endeavor "linking" people together too? He was talking about connection, pure and simple, realizing that much of his own motivations and Inasa's are connected through Endeavor, or their perceptions of him.

Truly, it's just him remarking that seeing society as holistic, as a whole rather than a part, is the key to solving their issue.

I think the emphasis on showing your soul, ugliness and cracks and all is one of the keys to reaching the villains. Something that doesn't position them as moral superiors, which is where Keigo failed drastically with Jin. He didn't give him a good choice at all. He also wasn't willing to be fully vulnerable with him. But I also think there's another dimension to this. More and more I think Horikoshi is actually criticizing individualism and the idea of "the great man". In his depicting of bystander system that has become an issue from society delegating acts of kindness and heroism to an actual career, I think he's critiquing the idea that one person can shoulder that burden.

It shouldn't be a person but a village, so to speak. It says a lot that the characters we know as villains are both seeking connection but also saying, in the depths of despair, that their individual will can change the world.

I still interpret this scene as Dabi deep in denial. Uh oh, he actually FELT something, time to double down and reiterate he doesn't give an actual fuck when truth is he DOES, he just doesn't want to. Otherwise he has to FEEL.

Anyway, the emphasis on the single person and single convinction is another one of those clues I think Horikoshi is leaving us about the "Great Man theory".

The great man theory is a 19th-century approach to the study of history according to which history can be largely explained by the impact of great men, or heroes: highly influential and unique individuals who, due to their natural attributes, such as superior intellect, heroic courage, extraordinary leadership abilities or divine inspiration, have a decisive historical effect.

I remember balking when I read this. Maybe it's because here in the West, there's little uhh agreement over Napoleon being heroic. Maybe it's because my history teachers were unsual but I've never really seen anyone seriously consider Napoleon heroic. There always seemed to be agreement he was a power-mad tyrant who took advantage of the Revolution to enact a military coup and then actual progress made by the Jacobins. So the fact chapter 3 of BNHA has Mic quoting him as a great hero was always weird. At the time of my first read through, I wrote it off as maybe Japan doesn't take this approach to Napoleon and the Revolution. One person's tyrant is another's hero, you know? But more and more I think Horikoshi has been debunking Great Man Theory with his manga. First off the premise of Great Man is usual that the Great Man is born, that his Greatness is congenital. That there's a natural aptitude for greatness, like superior intellect, etc. BNHA is absolutely refuting that, has from the first page. In fact the characters who get into the trap of believing they are born "anything" are shown to be trapped or not in a good way (see Redestro, or see Tomura and Keigo believing they are born to destroy/have dirty wings respectively). So much of who Deku has become is supposed to change this idea of biological predisposition to greatness.

Even Dabi, who has struggled against the circumstances of his birth, falls into the trap of believing some people are born with everything and are born to everything, essentially internalizing the worst of his father's own beliefs.

The story isn't kind to people who give us this rhetoric - that depending on others is wrong, or weakness. It's why Deku had his arc, after all.

Which brings us to my second point - the story isn't the triumph of individuals against evil. It's about people coming together. That's why Ochako and Keigo had their moments of realization in 323-325.

It's not about one person. It's about people.

Lastly, and this is conjecture, but there's a curiosity to the Great Man theory from a cultural standpoint. Now each culture has its Great Man to some extent. I've spoken about how All For One is likely trying to emulate Oda Nobunaga with his Demon Lord talk. But the emphasis on individual actions over collective ones, the commercialization of heroism, and the idea of competition breeding innovations/results are distinctively Western Capitalist ones. And in...a clumsy way, I think Horikoshi has been hinting at this being part of his own criticism.

Did you ever notice how the Japanese anime has them say "Hero/Hiro"? It's an imported word. Japanese has other words that mean hero, like yusha or eiyu, which have different meanings that all relate to the English hero as either a brave person (yusha) or a person of greatness/importance (eiyu). Why then use hiro, a foreign word as the title for this career?

Because the hero system is canonically imported. And so perhaps are the ideals it brought with it.

[vuelie-frost]

F2: How do we cope?

So I’m someone who has a moderate dose of anxiety in her life, which is being combatted through therapy, medication, & learning healthy coping mechanisms. I’m no expert, but I have some experience dealing with strong negative emotions. One strategy I’ve been recommended is asking yourself, in any given anxiety-riddled situation, “What’s the worst-case scenario that could happen?” This brings you out of your own head- out of hypotheticals- and into the concrete.

Don’t get me wrong, it can be painful to think about. But it can be helpful to see where our biggest fears lie. And if you’re interested in alleviating those strong negative emotions, it’s a necessary step.

I’ve said before that I’m trying to stay open-minded and optimistic about this movie. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have fears and concerns. For me personally, my biggest "worst that can happen” theories for the ending of Frozen 2 are:

- The sisters never see each other again (with a heart-shattering goodbye scene that makes us all inconsolable) - Elsa loses her humanity to become a spirit/goddess, essentially intangible and immortal - Elsa is no longer called “Queen Elsa” in the franchise, invalidating a huge historic part of her identity - Elsa doesn’t attend Anna’s coronation because she’s “too busy” doing other shit - Disney+ makes a spin-off TV series with Elsa going on adventures (just please... no.)

(please don’t chime in with what you guys think about those ideas, at least in this post, whether they’re right or wrong... that’s not the point.)

So what if any, if all, of these things happen? What next?

Stuff not to do (I mean, do whatever you want, but these probably won’t be very helpful)

- oversleeping as a defense mechanism - eating your feelings - drinking/using substances to numb pain - stew and ruminate on the internet with people who only get your sadness and anger riled up - spend all day on the internet - engage in maladaptive compulsive behaviors (oh, hello dermatillomania. great to see you again.) - completely avoid feeling your feelings - making impulse decisions (don’t go buy a car just because “Frozen 2 sucks, the world is meaningless.”) - rant to Jen/Chris/the creative team at Disney on Twitter (which is different from an honest review of the movie, which I’m sure they’d be more receptive to)

Stuff to do

1) Grieve the movie we longed for. 

This might sound dramatic and my inner critic is constantly chiding me with “It’s literally a movie for kids, why are you so bonded to it?” But that’s totally unhelpful here. It doesn’t matter why or how, but most of us in the fandom feel a deep connection to the first movie. It’s not exaggeration to say that IF the sequel crushes us, it could be emotionally devastating. Grief is complex, individualized, and weird to work through... but it’s real, and if it’s something we need to face in order to move forward,  2) Decide how tightly to hold onto the franchise. 

Something being canon doesn’t mean we have an obligation to internalize it. How many franchises before have whittled their stories down to C-rated TV shows and average spinoffs? Do we accept all of them wholeheartedly?

Granted, this is hard to write about because there’s a slight cognitive dissonance that has to happen for us to disbelieve the sequel of any story.  But regardless, determining your relationship to the narrative is a deeply personal choice- one that can’t be decided for you. If my worst-case scenarios happen for F2, I’m probably going to maintain my complete love for the first movie... and pretend the sequel is an AU. Or extrapolation. Accept that it exists as the canon progression, but reject its meaning in my life.

3) Get off the internet. 

This is probably the best possible thing to do when the online world is causing you strife and stress. Tumblr has a tendency to be an echo-chamber; I actually only recently rejoined after a long loooong hiatus for that reason. Despite what boomers want you to think, the internet’s not inherently toxic. But despite all its good, it’s also highly curated, completely biased, full of half-truths, and a fantastic vehicle for rumors.

Also realize that until November 22, anything and everything Frozen 2-related that’s released by Disney is going to make you psychoanalyze the content for clues on how to feel. We’ll all become obsessed, deranged Sherlocks in our own right. Don't let it consume you.

4) Creatively output your thoughts & feelings

Headcanons, AUs, derivative work, fan fiction, fan art all serve us well (and are way healthier than like, downing an entire chocolate cake in sadness.) I’m an artist and you bet your biscuits I’ll be sketching Elsa for weeks and WEEKS before & after the premiere. It’s just how I process things.

Another thing I’ve decided I’m going to do if any of my worst-case scenario fears are realized is: write letters to the sisters as if they were real people. Talk to them about the ending. Jen Lee kept journals writing to/from the girls when they were conceptualizing the movie; I think there’s merit in letting the characters speak for themselves.

5) Employ your favorite coping mechanisms

These are personal to you, but could include:

- meditation - working out or exercising - yoga - writing/drawing (see above point) - making coffee or tea & relax in bed with a book - talk to someone about it, bonus points if it’s someone in the “real world” - take a walk outside - use breathing exercises - take a hot bath or shower - clean your room/house/apartment - put on music - cook - play with a pet - do something with a friend Note that all of these have to do with the external world. Distraction doesn’t heal us by itself (which is why denial is a poor way of dealing with shit,) but it helps our brains reset in the background. It sets the rest of the world into perspective, so that we can more effectively face our negative emotions later.  Remember, there’s nothing wrong with putting off processing until you’ve done something helpful or enriching. “Listen brain, we can cry later, right now I’m going to bake pumpkin cookies and you can’t stop me.”

6) Remember story is told to connect us with the real world

The idea of escapism is a bit paradoxical, because in pursuing a fantasy world, we’re only working to realize our desires in the real world. The reason we love Frozen so much is because we want that kind of love in our own lives... and the fairy tale reminds us that it’s real. Idealized and sanitized by The Mouse, sure, but it’s real. 

It may be painful to acknowledge but: we don’t need Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, or Olaf in order to flourish. Fiction exists to affect us in the real world. Frozen is one story among many- MANY!- that have the potential to sculpt your own personal future. That’s not to say it doesn’t retain a deep meaningful significance for us. I’m going to hold the first movie in my heart forever, that I know for sure. But its reasons for being great are because it plants us in reality. Can you imagine a beautiful young woman with the ability to freeze ice? Maybe that’s not plausible. But an undying, fiercely loyal commitment between two women? Hell yeah. 7) Recognize idolization & parasocial relationships where they may be... and start to heal them

This is heavy stuff that might require a professional to help you sort through- but if you’re truly suffering, paralyzed, or flung into a depressive episode due to any life circumstance (including a movie sequel,) it’s not silly to seek help in order to move forward. 

Parasocial relationships are perceived relationships where the other party (usually a celebrity, in terms of celebrity worship) doesn’t know you. Fictional worlds can fall into this category as well. It’s a one-side relationship that feels unbalanced when the other party does something we don't like. This is a studied topic I’m not super knowledgable on, but here are some links to more information if you’re interested: Why We Get So Attached To Fictional Characters by Kimberly Truong 

Parasocial Relationships with Fictional Characters in Therapy by Kathleen Gannon

Parasocial Break-Up from Favorite Television Characters: The Role of Attachment Styles and Relationship Intensity by Jonathan Cohen

Our fictional friends: Parasocial interaction and relationships in an evolving media world by Carri Romm - - - Also: I love you guys. <3 I love being in the Frozen fandom. It’s all going to be okay.

[heliconus]

[Viewpoint] Contemporary Art: Does it ever stop being art?

After watching a film of a bald man eating chicken, Julia Pompilius shares how contemporary art frees viewers from academic barriers to access and allows them to construct their own interpretations of art.

The trouble with moving to a city as incredibly stimulating as Paris is that you eventually grow accustomed to it, even take it for granted. Lately, I’ve been falling prey to this privileged sort of apathy and so I decided to put a stop to it; I made it my goal to check off a meaningful destination of my choice at least once a week. So this past weekend I paid a visit to the Centre Pompidou—home to Paris’s most esteemed collection of modern and contemporary art. The building itself, commissioned by former President George Pompidou in 1977, is a bold architectural statement. Amidst blocks of cobblestone streets and Baroque French architecture dating back to the 1600s, the Centre Pompidou sticks out like a sore thumb. Its design was heavily influenced by the Structural Expressionist movement, which externalizes the structural innards of a building, thereby aestheticizing the functional aspects of architecture. This highly conceptual architectural style was not exactly well received by Parisians during the 1970s, but it has since become a pillar of post-modern architecture in Europe. That being said, it is the perfect home for the world’s most recent and cutting-edge artwork. 

So as I somewhat confusedly made my way up the external escalators to the 5th floor, I braced myself for a coming wave of confusion and frustration. Because if we’re being honest, those are very often the emotions I feel while looking at contemporary art. (Contemporary art is a blanket term I use here to cover any conceptual or post-modern piece from the 1960s onward).  I believe this is a sentiment shared by many. Even those who have studied art, who are familiar with the narratives of flatness, kitsch, and post-structuralism, often find themselves utterly at a loss while pondering conceptual pieces. For each new abstracted innovation, must the viewer really learn yet another theory in order to understand it? Is it possible to continue innovating artwork, or are we just spiraling down a conceptual path of nonsense?

These questions are not ungrounded. As I stare at a thin, elongated strip of white canvas covered with repetitive black dots, I struggle to extract meaning. This is natural—there is no easily recognizable story here; one cannot simply look at a piece like this one and connect the dots (pun intended). Thus it seems necessary to have a continuously growing literary understanding of artistic theory in order to gather meaning from modern and contemporary art. Cultural critic Tom Wolfe dedicated an entire book to satirizing this phenomenon. If contemporary art seeks to free art from an “academic” context, why is it so inaccessible to the typical viewer? In his book The Painted Word, Wolfe observes, “Frankly, these days, without a theory to go with it, I can’t see a painting.”

This is the looming intimidation that surrounds the contemporary art world—the nervousness that you don’t have quite the right set of theories in your head in order to unpack the truth within the artwork—even if that truth is the denial of any truth at all. The nagging feeling that maybe if you wore a little more black, smoked a few more cigarettes, or went to an even smaller liberal arts university, you might be better equipped to understand the piece that sits before you. Maybe, just maybe, you aren’t missing anything. Maybe these two squares painted next to each other are just that—two squares. Maybe the people parading around professing their amazement are phonies just trying to insert themselves into the haute couture of the art world. Many would argue this stance; however, I would not.

I found hope when I stumbled into a dark, perfectly cubed room with a video being projected onto one of its walls. I sat down on the bench opposite it, and began to watch. What I saw was bizarre, if not just downright disgusting. The film showed a man sitting in an empty room attempting to eat an entire rotisserie chicken with his bare hands. The man was white, balding, looked to be about in his forties, and wore a plain sweater atop a button-down shirt. Essentially he was the picture of banality. As he grappled with the greasy bird, an epic Italian opera blasted behind him. As I sat there watching the strange scene unfold before my eyes, it slowly dawned on me that I was entranced. Sitting in this dark, enclosed space watching a bald man eat chicken with his bare hands, I felt oddly at ease. What an odd juxtaposition: the beauty and grandeur of an Italian opera (some might say the pinnacle of human achievement) accompanying a man gorging himself in the most primal way.  What a privilege it was to sit there and watch it.

The man’s name was Dmitri Prigov and the piece was entitled Death & the Child. Prigov was a prolific poet and artist during the era of the Soviet Union and he used his art to criticize the Communist regime at the time. Thus his work is supported by a bounty of relevant context: the suppression of free speech under Soviet reign, widespread famine in the USSR, as well as strict, legally-enforced guidelines of what art could and should be. If the viewer were familiar with such phenomena, she would gain an entirely new perspective of Prigov’s work. A bald man grotesquely eating chicken would be transformed into a commentary on dissidence from Soviet tradition. However, even if she did not have this understanding, as I did not, this piece would have meaning. For me, I recalled just a few days before when I sat at the dinner table with my Parisian host mother. We ate cold chicken, and she served me what I, as an American, would call a drumstick. I asked her, “is it appropriate in France to eat this with your hands?” She looked at me blankly and replied, “Non. Pas du tout.” (Translation: “No, not at all.”) In this instant, I understood that to eat a piece of meat with your bare hands in France was completely against custom. Thinking back on this moment while watching Prigov’s video piece, I formed my own understanding of his work. To me, his piece communicated the dissonance of cultural etiquette. It evoked the most basic functionalities of humanity: the need to eat food, the creation and appreciation of beautiful music. It juxtaposed these very natural and primal qualities with the superficial rules of society we impose upon ourselves: etiquette, civility, tradition. What does it matter if one continent eats chicken with their hands and the other would never dream of such an act? The same question can be asked of practices of conversation, of love, of war. Prigov’s piece rendered these differences meaningless: they all fulfill some basic human need, no matter how their surroundings perceive them.  

One could certainly argue that this interpretation is not the “correct” one. Perhaps the meaning of Prigov’s piece is entirely dependent on a thorough knowledge of the social and political context that produced it. Regardless, I left that room having gained something meaningful. I was given a frame through which to view my own life experiences. A frame informed by one unique understanding of the world yet still capable of lending itself to mine. This is the beauty of contemporary art. It does indeed free the viewer from the chains of academia. It allows her to struggle with the unfamiliar material before her and assemble it into a meaning unique to her. There will always be theories and schools of thought influencing the creation of artwork, and it is certainly important to understand such things. However, this does not eliminate the possibility of interpretive freedom. No matter the prior knowledge of the viewer, she is free to conceive of abstraction however she chooses, a liberty that is not so easily enjoyed with traditional realistic artwork. This is the liberty I enjoyed during my visit to the Centre Pompidou; a liberty that allows artwork as bizarre as Prigov’s to enter one of the most established art venues in the world and calls it art.

[marcusssanderson]

10 Ways You Are Your Own Worst Enemy – and What To Do About It

This may sound cliche, but in many ways, we are our own worst enemy. This may come as a bit of a shock and I hope it does. But you are more powerful than you possibly realize and your potential is limited by only one factor: you.

Do you know how much power you actually possess?  Do you know that literally everything in your life is the product of your choices, your outlook, your attitude, your behavior?  How does that make you feel? I invite you to look at that notion with a sense of excitement, freedom, and relief!

In my own experience, it’s as though I have been in denial of my power. It’s like I fear it or don’t understand it. I spent a lot of time literally frozen in a state of overwhelm and as the moments of my life ticked by, I was in fact, my own worst enemy – my only enemy, really.

I found myself stuck in cycles that brought me disease, yet felt unclear on how to make change. I hated my career, had vices I wasn’t proud of, and was 70 pounds overweight.  Then, when life struck – as it seems to do – I was met with an event that brought about unspeakable grief, trauma, and shock.

I realized my old ways of denying this power and ultimately denying the lifestyle I really longed for, had to stop.

Today, as a Mystical Nutritionist, I see clients struggling in so many of the ways I did. Through their experiences and my own, I offer you these 10 points to meditate upon to bring about nourishment for your whole being. Who knows, the catalyst for igniting the transformation you seek could be right NOW, if you let it.

For the only way to break through your chains is to first realize that you are your own worst enemy.

Why You Are Your Own Worst Enemy – and What To Do About It

Here are 10 ways you are sabotaging your vitality and purpose – and what to do about it:

1. Harsh Judgement and Criticism

This one is just a complete and total killer. Others may be judging or criticizing you – but NOT as bad as what you do to yourself. So the next time the negative tape starts to play, simply take a deep breath and change the track. If your worst enemy is yourself when it comes to judging or criticizing, choose to listen to something else.

2. Excuses

“I can’t do this because I’m too ____.” “I would do that, but _____.”

Sound familiar?  There’s often a need that’s not being met and excuses are the product of fear. What’s the actual need? On the other side of these excuses is your freedom. Identify the common excuses or reasons you keep telling yourself out of fear. Understand that fear is normal – but you need to move forward. After all, you’ll never know unless you actually try.

3. Scarcity and Lack

This can show up in many ways from undervaluing your offerings to not investing in yourself. This can also be a feeling or sense of inadequacy because you think you’re not being or doing enough. This one’s insidious. Pay close attention to how this may show up in your life in its many forms.

Remember: you can choose to build new habits and tear old ones. You can be better. But being yourself is just enough.

4. Selling Yourself Short

Do you have passions, wisdom, and expertise to share with people but you’re holding yourself back because of insecurities, doubt, or even shame? STOP it. You are your own worst enemy whenever you sell yourself short.

People NEED you and they need you in your authenticity and boldness. You give others permission to shine and be a human when you let yourself do it first.

5. Unclear Boundaries

How many times have you said “yes” to something when your gut was screaming at you to say “no”? Boundaries are essential to our success in every way. By honoring our various boundaries, we are honoring our purpose and our path. Every “no” is a “yes” to something more nourishing! Practice mastering when to say NO.

6. Mindlessness

Fallen into a rut and a routine? Shake it up. This is YOUR life and it’s happening now!  Succumbing to mindlessness and autopilot mode is not the way to fulfill your dreams.

Meditation has been an essential part of my journey. It doesn’t have to be the commonly thought of type of meditation, either! Decide that for the next 5 minutes, everything you do will be with a connection to your breath, body, and your senses. Shift your awareness back anytime you catch yourself wandering and watch the benefits unfold.

7. Not Being Intentional

Similar to living mindlessly, NOT setting clear intentions for your endeavors is a way to hold yourself back and becoming your own worst enemy.

What are you doing and why?  And most importantly, how do you want to feel while you are doing it? Before beginning your daily tasks, ask yourself these questions. If there isn’t a clear answer for one or more, perhaps you need to re-evaluate that item’s place on your list and refer to tip number five.

8. Outdated Beliefs

We all have deeply held beliefs that were either intentionally or unintentionally ingrained in us from a young age. “Women don’t do that.”  “I’m supposed to go to college, get a desk job, and retire.”  Whatever it may be, check and see if these are actually YOUR beliefs and what place they have in your current life. Release outdated beliefs, which are not supporting your vision. You can then be free to create new ones.

9. Unsupportive Tribe

We choose the people we surround ourselves with. It’s not surprising that they can have a huge influence over our success, our beliefs, our feelings, and even our internal stories. There are two clichés that I love:

“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated”

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, it’s time to find a new room.”

Surround yourself with like-minded people whose lifestyles are similar to the one you desire. Folks who are dedicated to following their purpose, who walk their talk, and who will not cosign your BS. You are your own worst enemy when you let unsupportive people dictate what’s best for you.

10. Repeating Negative Cycles

Repeating anything that isn’t propelling you into the next phase of evolution on your path is not only a choice, it’s also the definition of insanity! Go back and determine which negative aspects of your life keep repeating themselves. Only then can you know WHAT is causing it, and WHAT you can do to make things better.

Humans ARE their own worst enemies. But if you courageously check yourself daily and begin to free yourself from the shackles of any of these personal issues, then you can slowly begin to grow. The second you realize you can always DO something about a bad situation, it’s when the magic happens – because that’s the time you can truly grow into the person you deserve to become.

The post 10 Ways You Are Your Own Worst Enemy – and What To Do About It appeared first on Everyday Power.

[charlestonlimousine-blog]

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Should You Take that Job? 5 Signs Your Gut Says ‘No’

Most of the choices we make every day are simple and straight-forward: what to wear to work, what to eat for lunch, whether to go to sleep at a reasonable hour or stay up watching Netflix. They don’t cause much stress or inner conflict.

Career transition points, on the other hand, can leave you feeling significantly more stuck — especially when you’re facing a big, life-changing decisions.

Should you take that promotion? Move to a different city? Transition to a new industry? Launch a business or take your side hustle full-time?

Decision-making is tough, particularly when there may not be one “right” answer. Despite your best efforts, it’s not always clear what to do next. How do you know whether you’re heading in the right direction, or about to make a bad career move you’ll regret?

Here are five tell-tale signs you’re about to make a career misstep — and how to get back on track to finding work you love.

1. You have a sense of foreboding.

Just about everyone has experienced a feeling that something is “off” or a sense of dread they can’t shake. Does that sensation creep up when you think about the new opportunity?

Maybe you didn’t feel much of a connection with the new team you’d potentially be working with when you met them. Or perhaps you’re starting to worry about relocation costs and not as willing to take a pay cut as you first thought.

Although most of us come equipped with a sense of intuition when something doesn’t feel right, we also have plenty of ways to rationalize these feelings away and ultimately discount them. You certainly don’t want to turn down a great offer or miss out on a solid opportunity because you’re feeling nervous. A big career move is bound to cause some butterflies.

But an ongoing feeling of discomfort could be a sign you’re not ready, or that this career move isn’t the best option for you. Try out the 10/10/10 test to slow down your thinking and separate fact from fiction in your mind: will this concern matter 10 weeks from now? 10 months from now? 10 years? Your answers can help you put things in perspective.

For instance, if you’re incompatible with your colleagues, that could absolutely matter 10 months or even 10 years down the line. Getting used to a longer commute, however, might be something you could become accustomed to in 10 weeks or less.

2. You’re feeling desperate.

Feelings of desperation may take root when you’re deeply unhappy with your current position, or when you and your family are in a difficult financial situation. You might have an anxious feeling of simply wanting to get the decision over with.

When you feel panicky, it’s tough to maintain perspective, so consult someone who doesn’t share your emotional attachment to the situation. This may include a trusted friend, mentor or coach who can help you sort through options in an objective way. You may be amazed at how much easier it is to calm down and think rationally after getting out of your own head.

3. Your motivations aren’t healthy.

Be honest with yourself: are you considering this opportunity to spite someone else — to make your old co-workers jealous maybe? Taking a new job to sidestep criticism from family and friends or hiding the decision altogether are also bad signs you’re making an escape-based choice that you could regret in the future.

If you find yourself venting to anyone who will listen ranging from your mom to a stranger on the bus or indiscriminately seeking advice, you’re likely being driven by fear. This type of “polling” behavior is done in an attempt to feel better. You seek external validation that you’re doing the right thing. But you essentially outsource your decision-making to other people when you ask everyone for advice instead of becoming self-reliant. It’s important to learn to trust yourself.

4. You have to talk yourself into it.

You may find the pep talks you give yourself turning into last-resort trumpet songs. Your self-talk may include some version of the phrase, “Well, at least I…”

“Well, at least I have a job…”

“Well, at least I’ll be making more money…”

“Well, at least it will technically be a promotion…”

“Well, at least I won’t look stupid for passing off this opportunity…”

This type of anxious internal dialogue, called intellectualization, is a common response to anxiety. Because strong emotions can be uncomfortable, we overly focus on facts and logic.

While being rational and using reason can of course be a great thing, it can also signal denial. Deep down, you know your possible career choice might be a bad idea. This isn’t a productive frame of mind for making decisions about a career move because you’re talking yourself into something you don’t truly believe is right for you.

5. You’re restless.

The complicated nature of a significant career decision might make you feel completely preoccupied or keep you up at night tossing and turning. Any career transition can send you for a loop, but you should be able to see promise in what you’ll be able to learn through the process. Whether it’s taking on a promotion or starting a company, you might feel far outside your comfort zone, but you’ll also feel excited about everything you’ll learn.

With big decisions comes uncertainty. Learning to balance your head and heart is an ongoing process. Take the false pressure off of yourself to know all the right answers, right now. No matter what you choose, move forward with confidence, knowing that your career is always evolving.

The next positive change might be right around the corner.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/09/19/should-you-take-that-job-5-signs-your-gut-says-no/