#i always feel like i need to PROVE myself trustworthy and worthy of love and a community | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seyaryminamoto · 3 years ago

Note

As someone, who's favourite character is Zuko, let me just say that your analysis about the Southern Raiders is spot on. Something about that episode (especially the way Zuko acted) always felt a little... off to me. And I could never figure out what it was exactly and considering the fact that discussion about this episode centered around the Kataang vs Zutara, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. So, I guess thanks for putting my thoughts into words.

Oh, I really feel ya, anon. If you actually don't look at the episode from a shipping point of view, which seems to be the focus of most the fandom, a lot of unpleasant things really start sticking out. I'm personally neutral to the Kataang vs. Zutara debate, I see good points and drawbacks to both ships, and no one's going to convince me that this episode proved the superiority of either pairing, especially when the shipping interpretations have never been important to me when analyzing this episode. People can say Aang is right in the end, they can say Zuko understands Katara's plight better (which, considering Aang has lost even more people he loved than Zuko has, he certainly should have understood Katara's suffering quite well too), but focusing on whether Zuko or Aang are the angel or the devil on Katara's shoulders practically blinds everyone to the very glaring and mindboggling flaws in this episode's writing, imo.

In general, the concept of Zuko's life-changing field trips with the three Gaang members he'd wronged the most is fine and fun for most people, but from the first time I watched the show it felt like the production team knew they were pressed for time and needed some veeeery quick and effective solution for Zuko to gain acceptance in the Gaang ASAP despite all the bad blood there. I can imagine a lot of people love these episodes, but admittedly I wouldn't rank any of them among my favorites because, as interesting as some of their concepts could be, if executed right, my immersion certainly wasn't as strong as with the rest of the show due to the nagging feeling that this was all for the sake of redeeming Zuko in the eyes of each Gaang member... and not necessarily in the eyes of the audience.

They get away with it, of course, because by this point in time, the audience is 100% conditioned to love the Gaang and Zuko, and if you see them getting along, you should be rejoicing in their team-up... but if you put some emotional distance between yourself as a viewer and the events of these episodes, their writing leaves a lot to be desired, especially in the concept of giving Zuko a quick whitewashing in the eyes of Aang, Sokka and Katara, one after the other, so they can genuinely accept him as a teammate and friend. If we'd seen similar trips frequently or occasionally in the rest of the show, with two specific members of the team taking off on an adventure by themselves, it might not be so glaringly obvious (and even... artificial? I guess?) that they're trying to quick-redeem him for each of them here, but on top of it happening thrice, it's literally happening one after the other, too. There's no episodes in-between, it's just literally a four-parter arc of "let's help Zuko become friends with these three".

The plotlines to be dealt with in these episodes are basically catered to each Gaang member, tailor-made life-changing field trips based on whatever they'll value the most, all of it conveniently possible and doable in the span of time they have between Zuko's joining of their group and the show's finale. Aang needs to learn firebending, Sokka needs to save his dad, Katara is permanently grieving for her mother's death. And so, Zuko to the rescue! If he helps them with their personal character quests, he gets 50+ approval points! :'D Honestly, I'm absolutely not against the notion of Zuko befriending them, obviously not, but the methods through which they chose to make it happen simply might not be the finest...?

Zuko loses his ability to bend because he "lost his rage", but he's still angry pretty often, the show even spoofs its own writing by showing him losing his patience at Sokka... while at the same time trying to sell that Zuko "isn't angry" anymore? Zuko helps break out random prisoners from the Boiling Rock without taking a single moment to actually learn who they are, why they were locked up, and without pondering if they deserve to be helped or if perhaps they're genuinely dangerous? Zuko gives Katara every possible tool and information she needs to take revenge on Yon Rha, because, loosely quoting his own words, he "cares what she thinks of him"...?

How about if we'd seen Zuko trying to connect with Fire Nation people, to help his fellow Fire Nation citizens, especially the ones who were living in dreadful conditions, like the ones in the Jang Hui river village? How about if we'd seen Zuko saving lives rather than threatening to take them? How about if we'd seen Zuko actually reasoning with his anger, and either working his way out of it, or repurposing it consciously, or making legitimate, personal efforts to find a new source of strength for his firebending through self-reflection, above all else?

We didn't really need sudden one-on-one field trips to teach Aang, Katara and Sokka to trust Zuko: we needed Zuko to prove himself worthy of that trust, to show how much he has changed, to literally contrast his new behavior with the old, to actually see that the guy no longer jumps into violence-mode 24/7, that he's willing to listen to other people's opinions or wisdom, that he wants to learn better when he knows he's misguided or misunderstanding something or another. Would he have become BFFs with any of them in four episodes if this had happened? Well, it definitely would have happened with Aang, the other two would have been trickier, but they definitely would have been more willing to accept him if they actually got to SEE that the changes in Zuko weren't skin-deep. Katara can be as thick-headed and stubborn as she may want to be, but I have no doubts she wouldn't have been able to hate Zuko as much as she used to if she'd seen him helping people, much like she often wants their group to do. But instead, they don't get to see the actual changes and growth... they just get their biggest goals and wishes satisfied, and that's enough to decide Zuko's trustworthy, no matter whatever sketchy behavior he displays in later episodes.

I absolutely appreciate the worldbuilding context we gain for the raids on the Water Tribe through The Southern Raiders, but I don't think this was an organic way to tell the story of how Zuko became friends with the Gaang. If pressed, I'd even say that Zuko's overt desperation to be their friend is OOC, to a degree: if this guy actually knows how dangerous his father's plans are (and he's supposed to :'D), how isn't he focusing on that side of things, when he's always been such a go-getter? It's not like he grew out of this sort of ends-justify-the-means behavior, seeing as he's absolutely obsessed with stopping his father ASAP, by any means possible, in the finale, when there was no such urgency to be found ever since he joined the Gaang. How isn't he more worried about stopping Ozai than about becoming best friends with the Gaang? Immediately sharing everything he's learned about Ozai's intentions of destroying the whole world might not make them friends instantaneously, but it would certainly get someone like Sokka to take his information seriously and immediately begin strategizing how to counter Ozai's plans. Instead, Zuko spent all those weeks, over a month, even, teaching Aang firebending, going on field trips and hanging out with his new friends in Ember Island. Once you have all the cards on deck and you actually look at all of them at once, doesn't it feel like there were so many more ways to achieve what the show was going for, far more effective ways than through the "let's be friends with Zuko" arc?

Ultimately, there's very little display of growth, in my opinion, in this small arc, on Zuko's side, despite the most obvious and reasonable way to earn the trust of the Gaang would be by outright showing them how much he's grown. I won't deny I appreciate that the writers respected his personality and didn't just warp him into the perfect good softboi the way the fandom apparently interprets him, but even if Zuko was going to be cranky and speak one-liners like "I'm never happy", it wasn't impossible to write better situations for him to connect with the Gaang's members and gain their trust. Even if the writers were set on having these episodes happen exactly as they did, they absolutely could have been written in a much better way, to create an explicit and direct contrast between Zuko's early behavior and the new Zuko's behavior when it comes to things that matter (most the parallels I've seen the fandom drawing are things like "oh look he hated tea before but now he brews it for his friends! So much growth!"... would've been nice to see the growth when it came to a lot of other things, too, if the growth really was there? Am I rite...?).

I may just be influenced by other redemption arcs that focus mainly on characters having common goals and working together to achieve them, then becoming friends in the process... but I really don't see how Zuko's character benefited from these episodes. Yes, bridges were built... but they absolutely could have been built in a more organic way that didn't make people like myself (and a few others) question if Zuko had learned or grown at all, considering the way he behaves isn't all that distant from the Zuko we've seen and known throughout the rest of the show. And the fact that he really seems to have learned nothing in The Southern Raiders once you reach the show's finale... you're basically asked to take for granted Zuko did learn a lot of lessons because he says he did, to assume he's going to put them into practice sometime in the future despite he has chances to do it during the show itself but never does, simply because they drop the ball upon every opportunity to show how much he's changed.

I really don't blame his character at all, when it comes to these shortcomings... it's seriously, genuinely, a problem with the writing department. Take a look through the fandom and you'll see thousands of people who claim Zuko's character arc is the most touching, complex and beautiful writing they ever have seen... and why? Because we're in the face of tell-don't-show :'D most people's perception of Zuko's character are based not so much on HOW Zuko displays his growth, it's strongly based on him stating he made progress, even if there's too many instances where the growth simply seems to have fallen to the wayside or gone forgotten for the sake of a plotline or another. Zuko absolutely could have been written far better than this, he could absolutely have the redemption arc his fans are sure he does have, but for me... there's way too many gaps in logic, too many missed opportunities, to truly think his growth was as extraordinary as a lot of people are hung up on saying it was.

#anon #woops #I probably shouldn't have written this much here but what can I say #I've got beef with these storylines #and I unfortunately can't bbq it (?)#so instead I ramble and ramble and hope you guys forgive me for how long-winded I can be :'D

107 notes · View notes

funkymbtifiction · 3 years ago

Note

Why is it that ETP men love bomb and mislead women into thinking they love them or making them feel special to get what they want. I find it super insensitive for them to have a lady thinking that their only talking to them and showering them with compliments and pretending like their in love to have sex with them. I don’t get why they also like to talk about the future and promising girls that they will be their future wife and the mother to their kids when they don’t even care at all about that or them. once they get accused of cheating or lying they like to justify their behavior and make it seem like you’re delusional or that they been loyal this whole time. A friend of mine just found out her ex was cheating on her and it seems to me he’s an estp. Always lying and making things sound sweet and talking about he feels which could also be a lie but she really felt like she was on top of the world and that he was actually being loyal to her. It’s so hard to date now because it seems like it’s just a game and you have to play to win. It’s like once you start liking them and telling them how you feel you’re no longer interesting to them. It’s like you have to play them how they play you and that can get boring like why can’t we just have mutual feelings towards each other? And everyone seems to be ghosting each other whenever the other person gets boring and there’s never any communication. It just seems like relationships are too complicated to understand since majority of the people cheat and you can’t trust anybody.

That is not true and is a generalization. SOME people cheat, many others do not and would never cheat on someone they love. But toxic people always have red flags -- having cheated on other people, or cheating on their taxes, or never admitting they are wrong or being incapable of apologizing for hurt feelings.

The problem is not ETPs (there are plenty of nice ones), but where you are searching for relationships; if you want something lasting and meaningful, a marriage or a long-term partnership, you don't look in places where one night stands are prolific, you don't look at "players" who seem really, really good at charming you (it means they've done it to other people many times), you don't pick them up in bars, and you don't do hook-ups hoping it will deepen into something more meaningful. My grandma used to say, "If you want the milk, buy the cow." Don't give your heart or your body away to just anyone; they need to earn it by being there for you when it counts and proving themselves worthy of your trust. Being unwilling to “wait” for intimacy any period of time indicates their intentions are not good, because they’re thinking of themselves and not you. (This person needs to be comfortable with me... I can wait and prove myself.)

Decide what you want in a partner -- the exact attributes that you want / need -- and eliminate anyone as a possibility who doesn't have them. One of my friends decided up front she wanted a guy who was tender to children and animals, because that told her all she needed to know about his character (compassionate) -- a week later, she found him rocking crying babies in the nursery at her work. They got married two weeks later (engaged after one date; they had worked together six months), and have been together 40 years... including having a special needs child -- this man, whose attribute she picked ahead of time -- went ballistic when he found out a lot of dads just leave their wife when a child isn't born "perfect" -- he said that's a bullshit way to be; a real man stays home and raises his children, even if one of them can never leave home, because that's his job. If you are a woman who wants commitment and security, find a man who believes it's his job to provide for and protect his wife and kids, and look for attributes that indicate that as part of his central character. (Is this person reliable? trustworthy? do others speak well of them? secure? and above all, are they HONEST with you? If all you hear is nice things from someone, they're not being "real." Real deep relationships come with honesty and encourage you to grow. EG, they aren't afraid to call you out on something crucial.)

Dating is like going fishing by throwing yourself into the ocean. Unless you know exactly what you want, and are willing to settle for nothing less, you will get bit by a lot of sharks. So establish what matters most to you, what qualities you want to see in your partner, and anyone who doesn't measure up gets no second chance. Don't pick superficial ones, either. Look for things that imply this person has MORAL CHARACTER. And watch how they treat people who aren't you, and talk about other people, because you'll get special treatment -- but how he/she talks to the waiter or others in "service" is going to tell you who they are.

If you want a certain kind of person, go where you are likely to find them, and avoid places where you are likely to find "the other kind." If you don't want casual hookup partners, don't use Tinder. If online dating is your only option, pay good money for an online filtering service who has a long list of criteria / preferences for you to fill out, and if marriage is what you want, pick one where THAT is the focus -- not hooking up. Marriage. Dating to get married. If you want a godly spouse, look for them in singles groups in your church/temple/etc.

Lastly, make sure you are the kind of person who would attract "the nice guy/girl," by being a person of integrity.

#question #dating #mbti

27 notes · View notes

depressedhatakekakashi · 3 years ago

Text

Hello, Princess

Au: Royalty Au

Made with help from @whatshernameis

Words: 1534

Rating: General

Characters: Hatake Kakashi and Konan. Hints of Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai and Konan/Nohara Rin

Warnings: None

Summary: Parties have never been Kakashi’s favourite scene, but they’re a necessary part of his job protecting the prince. Thankfully, this time, he finds someone to keep him entertained.

Beautiful music.

Extravagant decorations.

Visitors from all over the world mingling and waiting patiently for the star of tonight's gathering to make her appearance.

It was all in place. All that had to happen was the big reveal.

The lights would dim, all eyes would turn to the stairs, and the steward would announce the arrival of Her royal highness, the princess of Amegakure. After that, the party would really begin.

Except, the princess was nowhere to be seen.

At least, not by anyone who wasn’t already looking in the crowd that had already formed in the large ballroom.

It was actually rather rude. Kakashi had put up with having his arrival announced, why did she get to sneak in through the back and act like she had been there the whole time?

He was going to have to take matters into his own hands, or he’d be stuck here all night waiting for a princess who was already there to arrive.

Making his way through the crowd, he zeroed in on the purple-haired princess dressed up in a beautiful red and black dress with a simple necklace and earrings that blended in perfectly with her outfit.

The best outfit a person could pick out for the purpose of blending into a crowd full of people trying desperately to get noticed, yet still leagues fancier than the simple blue tunic that Kakashi had chosen for himself.

Sliding in beside the undercover princess, Kakashi leaned himself against the wall beside her and looked out into the crowd for whatever it was that had caught her attention.

“You know, the party doesn’t start until the beautiful princess walks down the stairs,” He greets the glare she throws his way with a playful smile. “I’m sure the royal guards have been sent out to track down their lovely princess. They’re probably scouring the hallways of the castle as we speak.”

“Don’t you have a prince to keep your eyes on?” She shot back, clearly unimpressed with his poor attempts at a conversation starter. “Or does Konoha only hire the worst knights to guard their prince?”

“I have him in sight,” to prove a point, Kakashi directed her attention at the bright green outfit making its way through the room as the prince introduced himself to everyone that he could. “He doesn’t need me interrupting his attempts to make friends. I would just make it awkward.”

“Yet, here you are,” waving a hand between the two of them, she huffed when Kakashi responded with a simple shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t suppose there’s any way to convince you not to tell them where I am?”

“And ruin the show?” chuckling, Kakashi watched as his prince moved onto the next person. This time deciding to chat up a woman about their age in a beautiful purple dress. Princess Rin if he remembered correctly. Single and likely here to secure herself a marriage arrangement with one of the people that Princess Konan did not choose for herself. If she even made a choice at all tonight. “It’s actually kind of fun to watch your knights scramble around the place searching for you, not realizing that you’re right where you’re supposed to be.”

He’d call them stupid, but the Prince was always getting on his case about being ‘rude’ to other people.

“In that case, is there an actual reason that you’re here?” She turned her attention away from him, focusing once more on the crowded room. “Or are you just bored and in need of entertainment?”

‘Bored’ was certainly not a word he would usually use to describe his life. Not with someone like Prince Gai around to make sure there was always something interesting going on. Even if that ‘something interesting’ was a five am wake-up call so that he could do laps around the castle garden with his favorite knight at his side.

Though, in this case, it might actually be a fitting descriptor for how he was feeling. His Prince's attentions were focused on other people, and as long as he had him in sight and nothing was going wrong, Kakashi really had nothing much to do.

So ‘bored’ actually might be exactly what he was, but he wasn’t going to admit it.

“Have you chosen someone?” leaning in a bit closer, he tried to follow her line of sight. To see if there was anyone particular that she was watching. She seemed to pick up on this quickly though and instantly shifted her eyes back to him. “Come on now, it’s a simple question. This is supposed to be a night dedicated to you finding someone worthy of ruling a kingdom with. Surely you have someone in mind.”

Any good future monarch would have done their research before a big ball like this. Save themselves some trouble having to sit down with every single person and get to know them. Or, if it was the most advantageous alliance that Amegakure was looking for surely she would have studied up on which villages would be of the greatest benefit to her own.

Military strength, economic prosperity, other allegiances to be gained through a union of the two villages. There were a lot of things for a future monarch to examine before choosing the person they would dedicate themselves to for the rest of their lives.

He should know. He had been there by his Princes side when he went through the same endless task that Princess Konan no doubt found herself faced with now.

“What did he do?” Raised an eyebrow, Kakashi waited for the Princess to elaborate on her question. “Your Prince. I heard he didn’t even have a ball to choose his partner.”

“He didn’t,” there was supposed to be one of course. Just as Prince Obito had a ball, and Princess Kurenai, and even Princess Konan here at her own ball. It was expected that there would be a celebration for the Prince or Princess to meet with their possible matches and choose from the people placed in front of them. But his Prince, Gai, had chosen not to have such a celebration. “He couldn’t choose any of the people he was presented with as options, so the ball never happened.”

The Princesses eyes widened.

“That...that’s allowed?”

“It depends on one’s parents,” he admitted, his smile covered by the cloth mask that he kept over the bottom half of his face. “Prince Gai’s father has never been one to force his son into doing something he does not want to. After all, he himself was never married. The Prince was born in an agreement between him and the Princess of Iwagakure and was raised by the King alone.”

It was certainly not a common occurrence, but it was one that had allowed the Prince more freedom than others of his rank.

The Princess made a disapproving sound, her eyes returning to the floor in front of her. Except for this time, Kakashi could see exactly where it was she was looking. It was hard not to after all when her eyes wandered to the same spot as his own. Though, Prince Gai didn’t really seem like her type, meaning…

“You know, she has been having troubles picking someone out herself,” If looks could kill, he would be dead. With angry eyes, the Princess reached out to smack his arm, only to have him step out of the way just in time. “If you want, I could introduce you to her.”

Extracting her hand from his grasp, Konan examined him for a moment. Almost as if she was sizing him up. Trying to figure out if he was trustworthy.

“I’m a knight,” he reminded her softly. “I have no reason to do you any harm.”

“You could simply wish to see me embarrass myself.” She argued.

“Princess, I assure you that is not my goal,” Holding out an arm towards her, Kakashi gave her the best smile that he could come up with. Probably not a very welcoming smile, considering his face was usually hidden behind his armor and he wasn’t actually used to smiling at other people anymore. But it was a genuine smile. “The only person I ever aim to embarrass is Prince Obito.”

Speaking of which, maybe after he had introduced Princess Konan to Rin he would be able to find his old friend. It wasn’t truly a party until he managed to embarrass Obito in front of multiple people.

Processing his words, the Princess finally reached out to grab hold of his arm and allowed him to start leading her through the crowd towards the spot where Gai and Rin were still speaking.

It was kind of funny when he thought about it.

Princess Konan’s knights were running around the castle desperately searching for her so that the ball could officially start, all while Kakashi led her highness towards the one person she hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of when she should have been more focused on keeping out of sight.

Maybe if things went well, there would be another couple for Gai and him to spend time with, outside of peace talks and war rooms.

#Hatake Kakashi #Konan #Konan X Rin #Kakashi X Gai #Mostly Konan and Kakashi just chilling and talking #but hints of their feelings for the other two #Royalty au

17 notes · View notes

engagedtobefree · 3 years ago

Text

I talked to Scott on the phone again last night, and now I'm worried. We talked for about 50 minutes and it was normal like our other phone conversations, except for a few things.

Scott told me I seemed kind of shy on Saturday, that I wasn't as talkative as I used to be. I can see what he meant; I had trouble making eye contact and I was really nervous. So I tell Scott I was just nervous and he said, "Oh, aight." I also wasn't flirty like I used to be, but only because I don't want to feed into any possible bad intentions. It's not how it was before when I felt more confidence about Scott's feelings toward me (though that certainly waxed and waned) and I was protected by being at work. Flirting now at my place could potentially lead somewhere.

Then I yawned, and I guess it sounded a little different cuz Scott asked me why I moaned. I tell him it was a yawn and then he said what sounded like, "idk, Dana." "What?" Then, to my surprise he responds with an, "Oh, Dana", making the "oh" sound moany. I instantly feel turned on. I almost respond with "are you the one moaning now?" but I stop myself and don't say anything back to him. I want to hear Scott's moans and sex noises, but I don't want to feed into this if all he is looking for is sex.

A few minutes later he mentions me in my "tight ass jeans and boots." I respond best I can, saying I do miss dressing up, and he says if he can make it over tomorrow (today, now) that maybe I could dress up for him. I tell him I can. Truthfully, most of my old jeans are too tight now since I gained weight and I haven't been able to lose anything yet. I have a pair I can probably wear though.

All of this makes me worried though. What if Scott really is just looking to have sex with me? What if that's all he wants? I can't tell because I notice things that could point to that or could point to him wanting something more. What if he doesn't only want sex and he just...can't help himself saying these things?

I'm terrified, not of Scott but of getting hurt. And if Scott were to hurt me in such a big way while I am pretty emotionally vulnerable and raw, idk how I'd handle it. I am still working on healing from past trauma with men and if another man were to hurt me right now, especially one I have my heart so invested in and am choosing to trust, idk what it would do to me.

I'm worried that I've waited all this time and hoped for a miracle just for Scott to come back only looking for one thing. This isn't what I waited for. I don't want to be called hot. Yeah, it's nice, but only sometimes; it just feels hollow hearing it over and over. I want Scott to also think I'm pretty. I want to date Scott. I've always wanted to date Scott. And while I want him in my bed, that's not how I want to start out. I know we already have an established relationship with each other, but I'd still like something more first.

Idk if I should bring it up to Scott if I see him tonight. Do I just come out and ask him what he wants and what his intentions are? I want to know, but at the same time I'm terrified of what the truth might be. What if he makes a move? That's going to be so hard for me because on one hand I'm going to really want it, and on the other hand it's not going to be how I want it. And if he makes a move, do I stop him and tell him I can't and tell him I don't want to get hurt, that I know we both are looking for different things? I can't just assume Scott only wants sex, but I need to protect myself. I'm also just at the tail end of my period, so I could always use that as an excuse, though he most likely won't care and I'd rather be honest than find an excuse.

I want to see Scott and I want him to come over, but now I'm also fearful of it. I will be away next weekend, so if I can't see him tonight I'm going to keep worrying about this for several more weeks. And that's just assuming I do get some sort of answer tonight. But how can I hide my nervousness? Normally, I can fake things fairly well when I want to, so unless someone really knows me and my energy, I could get away with faking being okay. I don't think that's gonna work with Scott though. He knows me and he can tell when something is off. It doesn't hurt to try, but I'm not confident at all that he won't be able to see right through it.

But then there's the other side of things.

I keep thinking about Scott saying, "Yeah, me too." when I said I want to consciously choose someone who I truly want to be with. Does Scott really want a relationship? How long has it been since he consciously made a decision to be with someone he wants? How long has it been since he followed his heart and went after what he wanted instead of what he thought was the right thing to do? Am I what he wants? When he stops to listen to his heart, does it tell him to make his way back to me? I have many questions about his response to me.

I also have doubts about my doubts. If Scott only wanted one thing then why would he talk on the phone with me every weekend and for long periods of time? Why compliment me in other ways and show his interest in what I have to say? Why open up to me about things when naturally he's very guarded? Why say that he missed me? Granted, that could all be a ploy to reel me in, but I don't think Scott is that deceptive, especially because he knows I'm into him so he wouldn't have to make all of these efforts. Also, why apologize for being a dick and hurting me, only to turn around and act that way and do it again? I mean, I have had men do that same thing to me on two different occasions, but I can't judge Scott by what other men have done. That wouldn't be fair. And Scott also asked me if I'm currently seeing someone or have a boyfriend. Why ask that if he just wants sex? Why should he care whether I cheat or not if I was with someone if he just wanted sex from me?

I also wonder why Scott was so surprised when he found out I haven't dated because of my feelings for him. Does he not think someone could have such strong feelings for him or that he's not worth waiting for? Does he really think I dated during the time we've known each other? Or maybe thought I did after he left?

I feel so lonely with all of these thoughts. I had my therapy session on Tuesday and I went over a few things, but since my conversation with Scott last night, more has come up. Who else can I go to? I wouldn't go to any close or casual friends with this, and if I told my best friends, I know they wouldn't be very happy that I even let Scott through my door. Even if I did ask for someone's advice, they can't tell me what the right thing to do would be. I am completely alone with this.

I hope this isn't a losing game. I want to be treated right, as it's been such a very, very long time since I have been, and even then, it didn't last forever. I don't think it's too much to ask for.

Also, the sun right now is inconjunt/quincunx my natal Saturn -__- like why did this have to happen right now, on the weekend?

Also, I follow YouTube and Instagram tarot accounts and they're always super accurate for me, but I figured I'll post one just this time on here since it's so related to this. I watched this video after I wrote all of the above stuff. I usually only choose one deck with the YouTube readings, but occasionally two decks will have equal energy, which occurred this time.

youtube

Group #2 - go with the flow and blend in to catch people in off-guard moments to see who they truly are. Observe them and listen more (as a Libra, I can very much get quiet and simply observe, which I have been doing with Scott). You are too tired to be in the spotlight and need time for privacy with your love life, not telling friends or family about it. You don't want to put yourself out there and invest in someone to realize this person was with you for the wrong reasons. You are not over-sharing at this time. You value yourself and don't want to get hurt, so you're guarding your heart. You're still open, but just getting to know someone. You know how far to go and when to protect yourself. You don't want to make the same mistakes like you did in the past. You want clarity and guidance. Someone may behave in a stupid manner and may try to play you, thinking they're smarter. However there is an opportunity with a dark male, whatever that means for you. This is more about energy than physical appearance, and could just be someone with a lot of masculine energy. You are highly desirable so this man wants to be closer to you. This person wants longevity with you, not a whirlwind affair. You need to let your wall down a little bit to let them know you're into them as they may question it and get insecure. Only do this when you're sure of who they are and their intentions. They are adventurous and spontaneous, and they may try to show off how cool they are. They may get clumsy and nervous though. You might have commitment-phobia and might want to run or self-sabotage. Avoid this. Someone will be offering genuine love and interest, so do not worry. Surround yourself with love and spend quality time with others in your life where you can let your guard down.

Group #3 - an earth sign (Scott is a Capricorn) is here as a romantic connection. It's only a matter of time before you connect and sparks fly and you know you're for one another (I'd like to stay sober now to really feel out his energy and the energy of our connection). They are very promising. Do not pre-judge this person and give them a fair chance. Don't jump to conclusions. Allow them the chance to prove they're trustworthy and worthy of being a part of your life in a romantic sense. Stick to making progress with other areas of your life. Someone you know is not dependable and sincere, so don't trust in confiding with someone else about this situation. They might be jealous (I can see this being my mom, as she gets very jealous whenever I am with other people). You may feel like something is lacking in your life, maybe caused by someone else. Someone may leave your life as this new person enters. You will be happy this person leaves. Be aware of any future problems, there will be signs from the universe. Zesty energy, emotion, and passion is coming. Your guides are trying to protect you from yourself. Don't let your anger take over or you'll be sorry. Try not to be triggered by others. You're being called to take yourself on a date and spend money on yourself. Remember to practice self-love. You can only feel fulfilled in your love life if you feel fulfilled in yourself first. Others may set their own expectations for your love life. Don't seek others approval. Remind yourself we are not separate from each other. We are all energy. Don't be judgmental just as you don't want to be judged. Your love life will be full of generosity and spending time together. Your dreams can become your reality, but you need to make the effort. (I feel like maybe I need to focus on my healing more often than I am). Put yourself out there. (ugh. Scary). Someone is feeling like it's time to let go of holding on too deeply and may not think you'll ever end up together. Could be someone you friend-zoned and they will finally give up on you and see you moving on. (I've friend-zoned quite a few people, so it's possible).

So yeah, I guess July has a lot of potential, and both readings were scary-accurate for how I'm currently feeling and perceiving things. So either Scott is out to deceive me or he has really good intentions. Guess I'll find out soon.

#scott #personal #ugh i'm so tired #my brain literally will not shut off #this morning when i woke up it immediately started back up again just thinking over everything before i even got out of bed

1 note · View note

hordelord · 5 years ago

Text

A Swiftly Tilting Mirror

---

Lord Hordak would never permit anyone to be in such close proximity to him, especially as he lay prone on a metal work table, head resting on folded arms. No warrior liked leaving his unarmored back exposed in such a vulnerable position -- open to attack. But Entrapta had proven trustworthy on more than one occasion. The technologically talented princess had improved the Horde's combat drones, run numbers on operational efficiency, constructed a superior armored exoskeleton for him, assisted him with the portal experiments, and remained loyal even after Catra's treachery.

The only sound in the dark laboratory was the mechanical whir of the robotic armature adjusting its position at Entrapta's command and her absent humming as she concentrated on installing her latest addition to his exoskeleton ensemble -- a pair of bionic wings which she’d spent a considerable amount of time crafting. She'd insisted that he lay down across the work table for the procedure, something about the bearings within the sockets needing to be in a neutral position relative to gravity. He'd objected initially, but complied to silence her long-winded explanation. To ease his paranoia he watched her work in the reflection of a mirror angled above the work table.

"What if the mistakes in your cloning are because of Horde Prime?" Entrapta's question abruptly interrupted her thoughtful humming as she attended to the bionic ports along his trapezius and shoulders.

"The Emperor of the Known Universe doesn’t make mistakes," a disdainful huff.

He watched her in the mirror as she paused her examination of the wing's connector joint to enter something into her datapad before snapping her visor over her face and stowing the screen under a curled arm of hair.

"But how do you know he doesn’t make mistakes?"

"Because he is perfect."

"But if he’s perfect and doesn’t make mistakes that implies your defect is by design."

"You're suggesting he purposely designed his clones, designed me, to be defective?" His temper started to flare, a spark of irritation igniting him.

"If he’s truly perfect then the defect would be intentional because a perfect clone would be--"

"You don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t have to answer your questions!"

"I know that perfection is rarely found in the universe," she continued, ignoring (as she always did) the building acid in his tone.

"What do you know of the universe, Etheria is stuck in a backwater dimension,"

"Yes! It’s so fascinating —I’ve been comparing the data in my archives with the information from your ship’s computers and our portal tests —it’s incredible! I’ve yet to come up with a working hypothesis as to how it exists in an alternate dimension, but I think I have some leads."

A jolt through his shoulder caused his muscles to spasm and he winced with a snarl against the burning sensation. The installation of the first wing had been painful, a jarring shock through his shoulder blade.

"Are you finished yet?"

"No, I just need to make sure the connection is working correctly --there's extensive degradation of your nerve-endings. This will all be a process of trial and error to find the limits of the cybernetic hardware. Then I have to connect the other wing --unless you prefer half a wingspan?" Entrapta chuckled and imp, hiding somewhere up on the pipes, mimicked her.

"Hurry up," he huffed with a growl, claws scraping the cold metal of the table.

"Good science cannot be rushed. And anyways, it's a little hard to see; if I had a better look at what I'm doing? Maybe the work would go faster. You really need to improve the lighting situation in your lab," emphasising her point, a curl of hair holding a small pen flashlight flicked it on and she leaned closer to check a cable that ran along the metal bone of the wing.

"I can see just fine in the dark. Perhaps your eyes need adjustments."

"Ohh, that's an interesting idea. Maybe I'll upgrade my visor --but for now let me finish this. Maybe I just need to get a better angle--" there was a rustling of movement and the penlight flashed in his peripheral vision.

His warrior instincts taut with anticipation, he turned his head to watch her hoist herself aloft and above the work table. He was about to bark an objection before she settled her knees on the table, astride his waist. Her new position afforded her a more direct line of sight to examine both trapezius ports without the ceiling's robotic armature and wings being in the way of her hair. Never in his life had someone dared be so bold as to perch over him as she just had. He watched in the reflection of the mirror as she resumed her work, and his tension eased. The nature of the physical contact was novel and startling.

"Ah, here we go -- this wing is just about done," she chittered between sparks of her tool and taps on her pad.

While most of the nerves in his remaining flesh and muscles were nearly entirely dulled, the exposed skin of his waist could feel her body heat through her coveralls along with the occasional brush of her prehensile hair. It was relaxing in a way he didn't expect.

"Even if Horde Prime did design his clones to be flawed, it doesn't change anything. I will prove my worth --I will prove him wrong," he muttered bitterly.

She hummed an agreement, "I mean, just think about it logically; if he'd designed you to be a perfect clone you'd have been a possible threat to him."

"How do you mean?" He turned his head to look at her through the corner of his eye but her visor still obscured her face, and so rested his head on his folded arms and watched her work through the mirror.

"If you were a perfect clone you'd be equal to him in all ways, including his nature as conqueror of the known universe. I'm no military strategist but, scientifically speaking, intraspecific competitors in nature create conflict."

"There… there would be no conflict. We'd rule the universe together -- as brothers," but it felt strange to admit such a wish to her. Hearing his own words aloud, he felt a sliver of foolishness lodge itself along the edge of his thoughts.

Because what if, after all the time that had past, his brother cast him aside again?

The sound of her visor snapping up pulled him from his brooding.

"Well, when you become ‘Emperor Brother’, I hope you'll still have time for science," she said as the armature securing his second wing lowered and he felt the palm of her gloved hand press firmly into the center his back. Her gaze met his through the mirror as her hair coiled tightly around his upper arms to hold him fast as his second wing was aggressively locked into the right socket at his shoulder. A scarlet snarl, he grunted against the pain of the radiating heat. The first wing had been painful enough.

The burning sensation dulled into the background as he considered her words. His scientific work had always largely been driven by a survival instinct to sustain his failing biology and his desire to prove himself worthy to his brother. Scientific research was a present means to an end and a tool to maintain power. It certainly wasn't a focus of his duties when he was Prime's top General. Though, he'd be lying if he said he didn't find the research enjoyable. Aside from the frustration of repeated failures. — I hope you'll still have time for science.

He decided that it would be unfortunate if he no longer had time for science. He'd certainly miss his laboratory. He’d miss Entrapta’s assistance. He watched her study her datapad, how her brow creased with concentration as she typed a note or two.

"Once I am reunited with the Horde Empire, I'll ensure our new laboratory will have adequate lighting," at the mention of the word our, her gaze flicked to his through the mirror.

"Ohhh, we'll have a new lab? How exciting! Will it be in space--will it be on a spaceship? Ahh! I'd love a lab in space, that'd be a dream-come-true," her enthusiasm beamed through the reflection as her eyes went wide. A smile twisted the corners of his mouth.

"Perhaps. And with access to the Empire's advanced scientific resources and research, I will finally be able to rid myself of this defective body and create a superior form for myself."

"A new body?" Her smile faltered slightly.

"Yes."

"But… you'll still be you, right?" The note of concern in her voice tugged at his attention.

"Of course I will."

"Wow! Horde scientists can transfer consciousness? That's incredible!"

"Yes. At least, I think so," his own doubt gave him pause. Would he still be himself? How could he really be sure?

"We'll have to run some tests before attempting something like that. But in the meantime, I can help you with your upgrades! I'm making great strides in my understanding of bionics and cybernetics. Maybe, with enough upgrades, you won't even need to transfer to a new body because you can improve your existing body --with First One's tech," he felt her shift her position as she leaned back to examine his new wing and she rested her weight lightly on his tailbone and the pressure felt strangely relaxing. He closed his eyes and almost chuckled, amused by the absurdity of her sitting on him like a perching imp.

"Your… confidence is admirable. You… truly believe enough tech upgrades would be able to compensate for my failing biology?"

"I don't see why not --maybe it'd even give you unique advantages," she said as she tested the new wing's range of motion with help from the armature.

"Advantages?"

"Just imagine the possibilities, especially with further integration of First One's bionics. We could build an improved you, and maybe eventually find a way to repair the defects in your genetic code. You're the first cybernetic being --well I mean, the first one I've met anyways. I think that makes you special."

He opened his eyes to look at her through the mirror and was taken aback by the gentle earnestness of her smile. He’d never known anyone like this princess of science and when she looked at him and spoke with such genuineness he wasn’t sure how to respond. He wondered if she was manipulating him somehow, trying to get something she wanted. You can’t trust a princess.

Then she grinned and patted him between his shoulder blades before lifting herself from his back and lowering to the floor beside the table. Immediately, he missed the proximity of her body and was simultaneously unsettled by the realization.

"Ta-Daa!" She bounced on her toes once before sitting cross legged upon her lavender locks, looking up at him gleefully. "Finished! How does it feel?"

Pushing up from the exam table, he flexed and stretched his new appendages --one swung wildly outward and Entrapta dodged it with a laugh.

"Strange, but surprisingly familiar. Though, they don't seem exactly flight-worthy."

"Well no, I suppose that's the downside of having exoskeleton armor crafted from metal, but I'm working on fixing that. Flight may eventually be possible with the addition of an extra power source. Based on my most recent simulations, they should function well as gliding wings, and as a shield. I know the wing membrane looks like fabric, but the material is actually woven strands of fiber thread I synthesized from recycled from First One's materials tech. Lightweight and incredibly strong."

As Hordak stood, the comfortable weight of his wings pulled his shoulders back and caused him to stand a bit straighter. He extended his new wings, feeling how the cybernetic tech pulled at his muscles.

Entrapa watched him with bright eyes and a pleased grin

---

#entrapdak #hordak #entrapta #drabble #she makes wings for him #i had this idea #and i had to get it out of my head #work in progress #a swiftly tilting mirror #my writing

79 notes · View notes

hqgodspeed · 5 years ago

Text

a few days after valentine’s day, basteon gather’s the demigods together in the banquet hall, his demeanor seems different than normal, as if the tension between his shoulders is becoming less and less—maybe he’s beginning to believe in the demigods, in their capability to combat the evils of this world.

he clears his throat, arms crossed over his wide chest. “sons of olympus, the time has come to discuss the next trial. we’ve lost one worthy son and gained another. now it’s time to increase those numbers.”

his gaze lingers over each demigod until he stares blankly ahead. “if you believe that you’re ready, step forward and plead your case. let your words sway your companions into action.”

he leaves, then, and demigods begin to stand, one by one, trying to bolster their friends with their words.

𝐖𝐎𝐋𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐌

There’s a silence when the attention turns to the son of Zeus, a careful, stoic expression on his face. In his hand is a heavy, cloth-wrapped object, a symbol. “We’re here again, ready to throw ourselves back in the fire.” He starts, glancing around at the faces of his fellow demigods. “I’ve seen you all survive the flames, emerge stronger, beaten, but better.”

“I’ve faced my own trials too, personal and around the world, both wins and losses.” He pulls the cloth off, revealing the half of Zeus’ shield. “I found this in Greece, and I take it as a sign, one that I have to complete what I’ve started.” He stands tall, back straight. “I’m ready to prove myself.”

𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐎

"it has to be me. i think, there's no roundabout, bullshit way of saying it. i've been here the longest, with ari and tristan, and it's time i show you guys what i've learned and the drive i have to do this. i've lost a lot of friends on the way here, and all those times i always thought i should be going faster. i need help. i need my dad's shoes or whatever, because that's going to be the thing to make sure i actually save the next person. so no one dies on my watch again. i'm ready."

𝐃𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇

Daith stood up and cleared his throat as he looked at his fellow demigods. "I have to admit that I wasn't expecting to propose myself for a trial... I honestly planned to wait until the last possible moment because... It would suck a lot if it turns out I'm incapable of it, and I used to think my mother would be so dissapointed that she'd call the next son on line and put me out of my misery" he said, chuckling for a second before his expression turned more serious. "But... things changed. People changed. We lost people... but we also gained them..." he said, smiling at the others briefly, his hand wrapping around the Necklace of Sacrifice, that he never took off now. "I know I'm not the strongest demigod of the bunch. And Ari will be mad at me, but I also have to admit I'm not the best. I panic. I'm selfish. I'm impulsive. I get easily distracted by cute guys..." he said, smirking, as a lot of his current sources of distraction were present. "But I'm also one of the demigods that had stayed the longest here at camp. I used both my fighting and my abilities to survive. But, most of all, I had the support of all of you. And, if the trials and quests had shown us something is that if we don't face challenges united, we will all fall. So I'm willing to put aside my own fails and shortcomings and battle to be recognized as the worthy son of Aphrodite". He then took a deep breath and looked down, to find Mr. Candle waving another flag with his face, which made him laugh. "I understand if you decide to choose another demigod but... know that I'm ready to do this. And that I believe we can do this together. My mother started wars. But she also joined nations under her cult. Love unites us. And, if we are together... Love can conquer all. Thank you all". Mr. Candle waved the flag excitedly before jumping on Daith's lap, clapping and looking at everyone so they would clap too. Or else.

𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑

"So here's the thing," Asher begins, and instantly he felt like he was going through a stint of Deja vu. "A lot has changed since we voted on our last trial. Mostly, we know that there are forces outside of Eris that are coming for us. Forces with powers none of us really know the limits of. I think from a necessity base, we need my artifact that can combat what they can do. I am the son of Time, my father's powers are a trump card, they have to be. If we can secure that, our possibilities are endless." He looked at each of the other demigods, trying to look them each in the eye, "I'm confident that I'm ready to rock my trial. Not only have I been through our latest one, I have assisted in taking down plenty of enemies, and that's just me at half strength. Imagine what I'm capable of once I have my father's gift? Plus. I mean, my father's trial is in the Palace of Westmincer. It beats the hell out of trekking through some enchanted palace. Make the smart move, and give yourself and the rest of us the power of time to get this right. Vote Jones."

𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐍𝐎𝐑

"attention, losers," ragnor leapt on the stage and faced the others, a flourish to his movements.

perhaps it wasn’t the wisest to begin a speech with such a term—but he hoped it was as endearing as he’d meant it to be. ragnor’s heartbeats were rampant within his chest, but the smile that cut through his face was bright, rehearsed. he needed to be the bronze-haired hero for them today, someone martyr-boned and trustworthy. it was a performance but a seamless one that came with much ease.

perhaps a part of ragnor truly believed he was a hero.

he began, and for once his words poured out raw; no sugar-coat, no honey.

“i am not going to stir idle conversation about how i am the perfect candidate; i am not.” that, he believed. that, he knew. “but,” ragnor’s gaze swept over every face. “i am not the fuckin’ mess from a few months ago, either. no more drunken shenanigans, no more rookie mistakes. these past few quests and the trial have been exhaustin’, but i’ve saved some of your asses with my dancing skills—helped freed kit’s mother from her corruption—held my own against some of those dark aether dip-shits with ari and keaton.” he steeled his jaw then. “what i am saying is, i am strong enough to take on my father dionysus's trial now, i am ready to face his frenzy." he was also ready to confront whatever curse that laid dormant within him; to let his father's madness cut it from the root. "the anklet may not be that remarkable of an artifact but some of you have seen, first hand how powerful a well-timed dance can be in battle.” he let his smirk unfurl then and made a graceful, theatrical bow to signal the end of his speech.

before ragnor left the stage, however, he added: “also, it's in fuckin' vegas, c'mon.”

𝐓𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑

"second verse, same as the first, am i right guys???? haha but seriously, vote tucker rhee! not only will i put my, like, proverbial pedal to the metal, but i promise that i won't let anyone die without a proper seance. also, cali is like a really great vacation spot and stuff, so i'll be able to take everyone out to expensive dinners and we can, like, go to a yoga retreat or something. cheers!!! xoxo!!!"

𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐘

"look," iggy starts, shrugging, "i know i'm newer than most of you that spoke up already, but just because we're new doesn't mean we're not as important." he pointedly looks at everyone, but lingers on the veterans. "you can look down on us all you want, but we're never going to prove ourselves unless you let us." he grins, cocky and sure of himself. "let me be the first to show you all that we newcomers are just as worthy as the rest of you."

𝐊𝐈𝐓

there's a new sense of confidence that swells in the pit of his stomach. before, there was hesitation to his words, in his being. but too many things have happened since talk of the last trial, his eyes have been opened, his focus recentered. "i'm still not the strongest among us." he starts, looking around at each of the demigods gathered. "but i'm relentless." his fingers rest against the table top of their dining tables, closing his eyes for a moment. "i was relentless in trying to figure out where my mother was, so much so that i nearly killed myself trying to find answers. relentless in setting souls to rest after they were forcefully taken from this world. relentless in my pursuit of knowledge." he pauses, eyes lingering over each and every demigod, making eye contact for a moment before looking to the next.

"i found where my mother was, followed the clues that lead ten of us to samothrace. together, we figured out where my mother was, discovered what eris had turned her into—what she might have turned all our parents into." his expression changes, eyes almost flickering dark as he remembers the embryo, the multi-headed abberation that his mother had become when he let her out of her confinement. "and together, we freed her from that corruption, i was willing to die if it meant that she be restored and i almost did—my magic kept me alive and i destroyed the foulness of whatever was corrupting her heart with the magic that runs in my veins. when we got back here, ari and i restored her back to her rightful home down in the crypts and we felt something—power—that was being restored back to olympus, protective magics." his expression softens now, a smile playing upon his lips as he remembers the tremor, that feeling of power that radiated from ancient runes he could barely understand.

his eyes close as he remembers the feeling of her arms around him, the warmth, that same feeling of belonging he's always longed to feel. "she told me she loved me." his voice quiets down to an almost whisper. "she hugged me and told me she was proud of me." his eyes open, the softness of his expression mirroring the look on his face. "and she told me something else, something that this trial—my trial—is the next step in doing."

he takes a deep breath, a sigh parting his lips. "she told me that when i ascend, we'd be together forever. she believes in me." he looks out now, his expression gentle, but a fire lingers beneath the surface of his eyes, one that burns with determination. "and i hope that the rest of you will, too. i'm ready. i was willing to die in order to help the cause, but now i'm willing to survive and fight until we get our parents back and defeat this darkness once and for all."

he takes a seat, eyes still looking out at each of the demigods until his gaze rests on ragnor, a smile on his face as the nerves begin to settle in.

#gstrials

9 notes · View notes

danvssomethingorother · 5 years ago

Text

Love is Blind

Summary: A reverse Omens AU, Crowley is the angel and Aziraphale is the demon with my little twists.

So I know this isn’t like amazing and is more bare bones AU summary then anything but i had all these details in my head this morning and threw this together, I’ll post it on A03 later and will probably edit it better and add more details when I post there.

---

Aziraphale was the only demon worth trusting, for that matter he was more trustworthy then any angel in heaven. He was the only one who would give him a straight answer and that’s what Crowley needed. Give him confirmation of the end times coming and how they could go about this.

He shot through the streets of London, Aziraphale wasn’t always easy to find. Right bastard he was, didn’t have a place to live, crashed with Crowley when he got tired of roaming. When those gluttonous instincts kicked in and he allowed Crowley to care for him. Crowley grit his teeth, like he deserved to be cared for.

Of course, just of course, it was Crowley’s rotten luck when he needed his beautiful blind bastard, he was on his stubborn streak.

Long before rumored Antichrists and the end nearing, there was a garden and an angel named Aziraphale.

He had seen humanity through its infancy and given away his sacred sword, no one the wiser of his crime.

He looked over humanity with wonder and love, despite the evils he had witnessed and felt on a personal level, he felt like a doting parent watching over them. Or maybe, more appropriately, an older sibling their mother had tasked with looking over them until they could be returned to her and her kingdom.

Humanity and his love for them would be the reason for his fall but he never gave up hope he too would be allowed to return home to his mother one day.

Her one true son had walked through the halls of hell as well and been allowed to return to her arms, he often prayed that same fate would be for him too.

She forgave all and that was the only thing that kept him going.

;

Crowley swerved to a halt in front of a rundown old church in the run down and dying part of Soho. He slammed the door shut of the Bentley and blessed the bum a crisp bill to keep sinful thoughts of touching his car while he attended to business. His demon was in here, he sensed him.

He stepped through the doors and heard him begging, praying like mortals do.

Crowley cringed, covering his scarf to his nose at the scent of searing flesh, Aziraphale must have been at this awhile. He got into these moods every hundred years or so and the result was always destructive, he would kneel on hollow grounds until it burned through his flesh leaving scars that would never heal. He would pray to their mother who never listened, he would beg to ears unwilling to listen, trying desperately to finally be forsaken. To finally be worthy for Crowley, who in his eyes would always be above him as a servant of the lord, what a laugh that was. Or it would be a laugh if it wasn’t hurting the only thing in these cosmos he loved.

Gently he took Aziraphale by the shoulders and forced him up, he smelt the blood and he smelled the burned flesh, it gagged him. It happened every single time Aziraphale was called back to Hell, Crowley would guide him into a better view of himself and just as swiftly, Hell would shatter it.

“My angel,” he whispered in his ears getting to stop mumbling in Latin, “We have much to discuss, leave this place with me?”

“My darling,” he sighed grasping Crowley’s hand tightly, “Please don’t lie in her presence.”

Crowley didn’t have the heart to tell him she barely existed in Heaven; it was unlikely she existed in a place such as this.

;

The flood was the first time Aziraphale had ever questioned, had ever felt doubt. Not in Her, never in Her, but in Heaven.

He roamed the plains as the rain began to get stronger, it blurred his vision, but he would be fine. Even if his body died, he would be back. He couldn’t say the same for those not permitted in Noah’s Ark.

He looked upon families loading carts down, gathering belongings and coming together in a comradery he had never witnessed before. They weren’t just accepting fate as Heaven expected and they weren’t looting and murdering one another as the demon Ligur had snickered they would.

They were helping one another, helping each other pack, each using the others resources to leave this place and get everyone to safety.

Children and elderly and the sick loaded in carts drawn by livestock, supplies packed, and none of them seemed willing to even let their enemies stay behind to die, they were working together.

“It’s all pointless,” Ligur snickered once more taking a bite into an apple, stealing the precious little the humans had gathered, “Fruitless effort. All these souls will be in Hell before the morning sun that will never come.”

Aziraphale ignored the demon who had been following him, his one constant companion, helping an elderly woman back into the cart and giving the humans a safe route to the mountains.

He didn’t believe that. Even if they were going to die, he had to believe they were going home. Going home to their mother, going into her embrace. These weren’t evil souls; these were poor people who tried the best they could and only needed a helping hand.

He would later ask Gabriel about the humans who fought so hard to survive and what became of their souls. He felt something crack hearing the archangels felt they weren’t pure enough to enter their kingdom, Ligur had been right.

;

“I had heard about the antichrist,” Aziraphale confirmed allowing Crowley to lead him into his record shop and up the stairs to his apartment they shared where all of Aziraphale’s books were cluttered.

“Who was assigned it?” Crowley pressed helping the demon sit down in his favorite sitting chair and easing his sunglasses from his pale face, revealing the empty sockets where eyes had once been.

His smoky black hair with grey peppered through it was in quite a state, it looked like he hadn’t bothered to brush the tangles out. His nails weren’t in their perfectly manicured state as they had been when he had last seen him, they were bitten down to nothing with dirt coating around them. Crowley held his hands, not minding the grime sitting down in front of his love, pressing his concern into him. Aziraphale would get better and then he would just stop caring and do this to himself.

His stomach was no longer round and soft, his clothes no longer pressed and clean, he was deathly thin and his clothing nothing more than beggars’ rags. He did this as some sort of punishment Crowley would never understand. Punishing himself for falling.

“Hastur was but he gave the duty of delivering the child to Ligur and Ligur, never a fan of child rearing, has asked me to lead the child down the dark path and finally prove myself as a demon.”

There was a lot unspoken in the silence, this was Aziraphale’s last chance to prove himself, if not for the arrangement he would have likely been disposed of by now and Gabriel would have likely found reason to call for Crowley’s falling.

“Do you mind running a bath darling? I am afraid I am getting you quite filthy.”

Crowley laughed but did what was asked of him. He had never known anything but serving others and had always hated it but taking care of Aziraphale had never felt like a chore.

;

After the rebellion, things had changed much for the worse in Heaven.

Unfortunately for Crowley, he had been in a group that it had hit the worse. He had been low level before but had been treated fairly before Lucifer began praising his gospel. Telling angels like him it could be better, but Crowley had been too cowardly in the end to give everything to his rebellion and after seeing the burning flesh and the severed wings and what became of the losers in this battle, how they were tortured before being thrown into the pits of darkness, he wasn’t about to step out of line again.

After the rebellion, he was reduced to nothing more then Heaven’s slave labor. Kept in line like the rest of the fear of falling and being disgraced. If that fear wasn’t enough, it wasn’t too uncommon for the likes of Sandalphon to lash those who spoke out of place, making it a public spectacle for anyone else who wanted to question Heaven’s Will.

If Crowley had a name before, he didn’t after the rebellion, he was referred to like the less of the lower angels as ‘Guardians’. And they were tasked with whatever the other angels wouldn’t take care of and treated as those bellow them.

He wouldn’t have a name until he met the former disgraced Principality. He would take over for in Rome who had taken to playfully calling him ‘Crawly’, the treacherous snake of Heaven who talked of the angels sinfully when they weren’t around to hear. He would later change that to Crowley, it was less demon like and as Aziraphale fell in love with him, he liked to distance him as much as he could from Hell.

;

“Why do you do this to yourself?”

Aziraphale was curled against Crowley in the bathtub, both soaking and neither up to rising to go back to business just yet. Crowley was carding his fingers through Aziraphale’s hair, shimmering black as night once more now that the curls were clean.

“Hell makes me feel my failures and sins,” he admitted, eyelids closed hiding the cruel fate Heaven itself had given him before tossing him out of their kingdom, “I never wanted to fall. I love her and I believe in Heaven still, I want to believe in good.”

“Hurting yerself isn’t going to do anyone any good, angel,” he chastised again, afraid to look down at the scars and burns on his legs and thighs from kneeling on hollow ground like he did.

“A rational part of me knows that but there is something in me that feels like I must do something. I must prove my worth, show I have learned and am sorry.”

They didn’t say anything else; Crowley began reciting him one of his favorite Wilde stories, he knew it by heart he had read it to his love so often. It helped when he got like this, it helped Crowley concentrate on something else other then this.

;

“You must love my presence.”

Aziraphale ignored the demon, he didn’t even look in his direction as he helped a young mother load her cart and put the baby gently inside a basket, kissing it on the cheek blessing it with luck.

“They will damn you for this.”

Aziraphale still didn’t respond, checking the position of the sun, they had no time to waste. It would happen within days and they all needed to leave. He yelled to the crowd of the poor to take what they had loaded now and just leave with their lives.

They listened to him for they trusted him, he always had that effect on people, they trusted him despite the fact he was betraying Heaven.

Ligur sneered at him, tired of being ignored, knocking Aziraphale from the large rock he was standing upon as the last of the people in the neighborhood left, leaving their home of Sodom behind.

“Why do you save them?”

Aziraphale thought a moment, he could have said nothing he supposed, but he knew he would be seeing much much more of the demon soon for his actions.

“It is just. They are innocents. I can’t let them die like this, being smited for just existing. I couldn’t let the first borns die either in Egypt, I couldn’t let Adam and Eve be defenseless. They won’t understand, I know they won’t and maybe they are right, and I am wrong, but I cannot look on to suffering any longer, Ligur.”

Looking back, Aziraphale should have chose his words more appropriately, the other angels had a strange sense of justice when he repeated these words. He would never look onto suffering again, he would never look on to anything again.

;

Crowley had been chosen to take the Principality’s place after his fall, someone needed to walk among the mortals and bring in reports. Everyone else felt too good for such a role, so it fell on the shoulders of the Guardians, like everything else did.

Crowley tried to hide his utter pleasure at this, he was done living under the archangel’s feet and being worked to the bone doing things they didn’t wish to do. He was often forced to do these tasks as mortals did anyway just for the angels’ amusements, so it wouldn’t make much of a difference.

The corporal form took time to get used to, but he found he liked the concept of sleeping, of being allowed rest and time to just shut down.

He even got to take residence in a lovely villa in the Roman capital, not too different from the archangels’ quarters he often served.

He found himself quite liking alcohol, he even became a regular patron at a little tavern. He liked to play strange games he always lost and barely understood with the annoyed regulars.

It was on a day such as this he met Aziraphale, dressed in rags and filthy, walking into the tavern. He fumbled around, arms stretched forward, guiding him clumsily to the counter. He had an accent, not used to the language, inquiring about the nearest hotel.

Crowley took in his aura, it was demonic, he knew he should be afraid but he was more curious. He had to know if the rebellion was worth it, had to know if it was all better then this.

He grabbed the man by the shoulders and forced him to sit down with him.

“What’s it like being a demon?”

Aziraphale had given him a frown at that but shrugged as Crowley sat a glass of wine before him, he greedily took it, chugging it down.

“I will only tell you of that if you do me a favor.”

Crowley had nothing better to do for the day and agreed to it.

“Describe to me the sunset, it has been so long since I have taken it in and I miss it dearly.”

They became nearly inseparable after that.

;

“Heaven will win you know; it was always meant to be that way.”

Crowley curled tighter around Aziraphale, kissing his neck, trailing kisses down his poor deprived body. It had gotten so thin and deteriorated since he had left Crowley, he had worried he would be this way when he finally came back.

“That would mean an eternity without you and I don’t think I could take it.”

Aziraphale chuckled, “You may call me angel but I haven’t been one in a very long time my love nor do I deserve the title.”

“You deserve it more then every bastard in Heaven,” Crowley growled pulling his love closer.

Aziraphale chuckled but didn’t argue, settling into sleep while Crowley held him and planned. He wasn’t losing this and going back to the way things were, they would stop the end or die trying.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #good omens aziraphale #good omens crowley #good omens ineffable husbands #reverse omens #reverse au #Dan's fics

34 notes · View notes

alternislatronemhq · 4 years ago

Photo

Congrats, Kay, you have been accepted to AL for the role of Andromeda Tonks (FC: Keira Knightley). Fantastic job, Kay! I loved your application. It was equal parts sweet and serious, and you can really feel the inner conflict in poor Andromeda when it comes to loyalty to the family she was born to and loyalty to the family she ultimately chose. I think you have a great grasp of the plot and I’m excited to see the way you navigate through some of the familial plots that you mentioned in your application. Please send in your blog (no sideblogs for first characters, please) in the next 24 hours and be sure to take a look at our new player checklist.Welcome home, we’re so excited to have you join the family!

OOC

name — kay age — 30 pronouns — she/her timezone — mst/gmt-7 activity level — currently it would be about a seven out of ten; i’m a teacher, and it’s summer break! I have a lot more free time now but i’m also trying to keep myself busy with more meaningful things as well, so my activity is not as steady as it might have been in years past lol

IC Overview

name — Andromeda Ismene Tonks, née Black age — 30; her birthday is March 1, 1955 gender — cis female sexuality — bisexual but that’s a very closely guarded secret; she had a very brief, very secretive relationship with a girl during her time at Hogwarts, but she knew what her family would think of that and nothing came of it; Ted came along not long after that, and she’s never looked back.

patronus — a cat, hers specifically takes the form of an Egyptian Mau; she summons the Patronus with the memory of when she and Ted took Dora shopping for her first year school supplies

boggart — Dora, dead by Bellatrix’s hand - as much as it would kill Andie if something happened to Ted, it’s nowhere near the pain that would come if something happened to Dora. Her greatest fear has always been that her family would find and hurt Dora somehow, and now that she and Cissa have reunited, Bellatrix is Andie’s greatest worry

IC In Depth

personality traits — +loyal, compassionate, thoughtful: As a Black, she was raised to prize loyalty; Andie took it to mean loyalty to her family above all (and as she grew older, the definition of family changed) and it’s a trait that she still prizes. To those who have proved themselves trustworthy, Andie extends all the loyalty in her. Despite her upbringing, Andie has always been compassionate - it was why she first wanted to be a Healer, to help those in need. Her bedside manner is well-known at St. Mungo’s because of this. If someone comes to Andie for advice or help, she takes her time to consider what she’s saying; this is true in everything she does. Andie was impulsive when she was younger but has since learned the importance of stopping to think about her actions.

-withdrawn, smothering, hesitant: Although her loyalty extends to the people she cares about, Andie finds it difficult to open up to those she doesn’t know well. Her list of friends is small - she excuses this by referring to her family difficulty and how she was never sure who she could trust when she was younger. Those who haven’t earned her loyalty aren’t people she trusts or wishes to spend much time with. She wants to help others but often can try and do too much for them, whether it’s a patient at St. Mungo’s or her friends. She would do anything for them, and needs to be told to do less when she oversteps. Her thoughtfulness sometimes leads her to hesitancy; she doesn’t want to do the wrong thing, so she does nothing. It’s a trait she’s trying to work on - to be sure she acts when she ought to, while still giving everything the consideration it needs.

character biography —

Andromeda Ismene Black came into the world early in the morning on March 1, 1955. Her earliest memories are of her sisters: Bella racing over after Andie fell; Cissa’s tiny fingers curling around Andie’s own, much larger finger; the three of them hiding in their playroom after a burst of accidental magic sent everything toppling from the walls; Andie and Cissa crying when Bella went to Hogwarts, then Bella and Andie feeling equally heartbroken to leave Cissa behind. Her whole world revolved around the two of them, and Andie couldn’t imagine anything better.

Her Hogwarts years are memories of friends. At first, the other pureblood girls in Slytherin, and occasionally the other houses: these are the girls she knew from childhood, the ones her parents approved. Then, slowly but surely, other people began to inch their way in. Andie first began to question the pureblood ideals she’d been taught when she was a third year, partnered with a halfblood in Herbology, and realized that the other girl was just as good as Andie herself was - maybe even better. From there, more fractures appeared as Andie observed her Muggleborn and halfbood peers and realized that blood purity did not equal better magic, and certainly didn’t equal better people.

Then there was Ted. They became friends during her fourth year, when Andie was able to show that she was not her sister, she was kinder than Bella. They were friends, and quickly became the best of friends, without the hint of anything romantic on Andie’s part. She had not yet reconciled to the idea that she might have to leave her family someday, and still planned to follow through with the expected pureblood marriage at some distant point in the future. Then there was a very pretty halfblood girl in Andie’s fifth year, though nothing came of that. And then near the end of Andie’s sixth year, she realized Ted was … handsome. Kind. Good. Things she wanted from a husband. They started dating in her seventh year, and Andie never regretted that choice.

Her memories after Hogwarts are a blur of Ted and St. Mungo’s. She talked her parents into letting her go into Healer training; it allowed her to sneak time with Ted and still pursue the thing she loved, and bought time before she had to make a decision about her family. She knew it would come to a head, that this situation could not last forever. She knew that she didn’t share her family’s beliefs anymore. She knew that leaving them would be the hardest thing she ever did - maybe even impossible. And so she put the decision off, as she trained and met up with Ted and fell more and more in love with him until everything broke. She tried to plead her case, and her parents issued their ultimatum: the family or Ted. And with that choice before her, she could only do one thing. She left her family in November, 1974.

Since that time, her memories have been full of Ted and Dora. Dora was born in August, 1975 and Andie’s world shifted irrevocably. Her priority is to keep her daughter safe - her laughing, rambunctious, miraculous gift, who can change her appearance at will (a fact that brought her parents immense anxiety when Dora was little). Their home is a place full of laughter, cozy and homey in a way that Andie never experienced when she was younger. They stayed out of the war, after long discussions over many nights about their responsibility to society and their responsibility to their daughter. Andie goes to work and does her duty, and comes home and dotes on Dora and keeps the house tidy and loves Ted. And since the war’s end, she cautiously lets Cissa in as well, gets to know her little blonde nephew and tries to mend fences with her youngest sister and hopes that the future is as bright as it seems.

plot ideas —

1) I love family plots, so I definitely want to plot with Narcissa and Sirius! I feel like there’s a lot of possibility for angst and drama with Cissa and Andie, just given how their reunion can be seen as manipulative on Cissa’s end. And since Sirius was Andie’s favorite cousin, and she probably always saw him as very immature, I like the idea of her getting to know this different side of him.

2) Since Andie is a Healer, I think it would be really interesting to explore her working to help people aligned with the Death Eaters, either currently or in the past. Andie takes her vow to help others very seriously, and she would give an injured Death Eater the same consideration she gave someone from the Order.

3) This is a more personal one, but I think if there was a Ted writer, it would be interesting to see Ted and Andie thinking about having more kids since things seem so peaceful.

4) Andie doesn’t have many friends, and I would love to see her making some new ones! She’s an introvert by nature, but immensely loyal to those she deems worthy so it would be interesting to explore that, and see her deciding what proves someone’s loyalty.

5) As things start to heat up again, I think it would be interesting for the Order to approach Andie about being a sort of Healer on call for them. She doesn’t want to fight and doesn’t necessarily want her family involved, but she would find it difficult to turn down that sort of request - she believes that the Order is right, and now that Dora isn’t a baby anymore and is safely at Hogwarts, Andie might be more inclined to aid the Order.

extra —

Just as a note: I was hoping to change Dora’s canon birth year from 1973 to 1975, just to give Andie and Ted some breathing room in their relationship, rather than them having a baby when they were 17/18. I can adjust that back if you don’t approve, but it felt like a better call for this group. I also wrote the app as Andie and Ted being together for 13 as in they’ve been dating that long, and said the marriage took place in the year after they finished Hogwarts, again just to give Andie a little more time to mature as a person before she immediately left her family and married Ted. (Also this is all a little moot since the age change; I think I changed the dates appropriately but if not, that’s absolutely something I can edit in the future!)

Character tag on my personal blog

Andromeda pinterest board

Amortentia: coffee, chocolate, mint - these are scents she associates with her home now. Coffee in the morning when she and Ted are waking up; chocolate for stolen moments with Dora when they’re sneaking a treat; the minty smell of their toothpaste for goodnight kisses.

#al:accepted #andromeda tonks

1 note · View note

geewithluv · 5 years ago

Text

◁ comforting each other ▷

Ｐａｉｒｉｎｇ：Hyung Line X Fem!OC

Ｗａｒｎｉｎｇｓ：Sexual assault trigger warning for Yoongi’s. Nothing is shown and it isn’t in detail.

Ｒａｔｉｎｇ：G (PG13 for Yoongi)

ＷｏｒｄＣｏｕｎｔ：3k

Ａ／Ｎ： «this belongs in my headcanon universe and you can read the other parts in the masterlist, the description of the characters is [here] so you get a summary of who they are. »

ｍａｓｔｅｒｌｉｓｔ

ｓｅｏｋｊｉｎ

Seokjin walked into the apartment carrying a couple of bags of takeout, interrupting Penelope as she paced around the living room on the phone. She was softly gnawing on her knuckles as she spoke. Mostly “yeah” and “I know” coming from her lips. Seokjin watched her intently, sensing that the call was stressful, and set the foot down on the counter. He started taking boxes out when Penelope sighed heavily. He looked up in time to see her run her fingers through her disheveled bob haircut and end the call with the usual pleasantries.

“Everything okay?” Seokjin asked as she collapsed into the couch. She tossed her phone to the other side of the couch and rubbed her face. She shook her head, not looking at him. “What’s going on babe?” He walked over setting her food down on the coffee table in front of her.

“It’s just this business deal.” She took a deep breath. “One of my dad’s places is looking into extending a partnership with this company that makes the uniforms and my dad wants me to handle this.”

“Oh,” he nodded as he started to eat, “is it tougher than you expected?”

“I don’t think my dad counted on the guy not trusting me.” Penelope leaned back into the couch, looking at the ceiling.

“Not trusting you? Why would he not trust you? Did you do something to him?” Seokjin was thoroughly confused. Penelope had been nothing but trustworthy in the time he had known her and he hadn’t known anyone to ever think differently. Even BigHit quickly dismissed any worries about her once they found out who she was.

“He thinks I don’t know what I’m doing and I just rely on my dad to get these deals.” Penelope explained. It wasn’t nearly the first time a similar situation happened and probably wouldn’t be the last. That didn’t make it less aggravating though.

“That’s bullshit!” He nearly jumped up out of his seat, only stopped by the food on his lap.

“Is it?” She asked, glancing over at him. Her demeanor changed to one much more defeated and depressed.

“What do you mean?” He looked over at her bewildered. She couldn’t possibly mean what he thought she meant?

“Is it bullshit? Maybe I do get things done off the back of my dad and I just don’t realize it. People know who he is when they deal with me, they don’t want to piss him off so they get on my good side.” She spoke as calmly as she could but he could see the tears building up. “Is it so farfetched to think that? I know I’m where I am because of nepotism and I’ve tried to hard to prove myself worthy of the opportunities given but maybe it’s not enough and it’ll never be enough.” A few tears now fell down her cheeks. Seokjin set his food down and turned toward her.

“Honey…” he thought of what he could possibly say. “Do you really feel that way?” She nodded. “Okay, okay.” He breathed out. “Well, that’s okay. It’s okay to doubt yourself. I do it all the time.” She looked into his eyes. “You deserve every one of these good things you’ve gotten. You’ve worked so hard, honey. Your dad doesn’t have anything to do with it besides raising you to be a hard worker. You’re the one that goes into the restaurants every time there’s even a hint of something wrong. You’re the one who hired all the great workers and made sure they were trained to the standards you set. The standards people look for when they come to one of your restaurants.” He told her, grabbing her hands. The tears fell in a steady rhythm.

“Seokjin--”

“Wait, wait,” He shushed her. “That guy means nothing. You hear me, nothing if he can’t see how talented you are at this. His opinion on how you’ve achieved such greatness means nothing because at the end of the day you’ve got a growing empire of restaurants and a good head on your shoulders and all he’s got is his fucked up opinion and some fabric.” His face was so serious as he spoke, Penelope giggled softly at his description.

“You’re too good to me.” She smiled, looking at him with nothing but love in her eyes.

“Not good enough. You deserve the best.”

“You are the best. Everyone else would’ve said to get over it.” She laughed sadly. “I love you so much. I don’t say that enough.”

“I love you too baby.” He enveloped her lips with his. “Now, there’s no time to be sappy when the food is getting cold.”

ｙｏｏｎｇｉ

It wasn’t typical for Arabella to get home after Yoongi, but the day wasn’t very typical at all anyway. Yoongi had been home for a couple of hours, laying in the bed that wasn’t technically theirs but rather Yoongi’s. Arabella slamming the front door woke Yoongi up. He knew it was her and not some intruder only by the sound of her heels and her keys jingling that he’d gotten used to. Yoongi sat up in the bed and waited for her, knowing that slamming the door was not a good sign.

“Yoongi.” Arabella nearly whimpered when she came into the room.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He moved closer to the foot of the bed. He noticed her face now has a red tint and her tears were falling rapidly. “Baby,” he reached out to hold her and was shocked to see her recoil.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She repeated rapidly, moving into his touch.

“Why are you sorry? What’s going on? You’re really worrying me.” Yoongi rambled as Arabella kept apologizing, tucking her head into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.

“I-- I kept-- I kept trying to tell him to stop.” Arabella sobbed and Yoongi tensed up.

“Telling who to stop what.” He tried to keep his voice even, he already had an idea of what was going on but he didn’t want to risk upsetting her with his own anger.

“That producer…” She sniffled. “He was… he wouldn’t stop, Yoongi. I promise I tried.” She cried harder.

“Arabella.” He said, moving her to look at him. “I need you to tell me what he did.” He took a deep breath still trying to remain calm. “Did he… touch you?” he asked cautiously. Arabella looked away from him and hiccuped. After what seemed like forever, she nodded.

“I’m so sorry.” She said to him.

“No!” He said a little louder than he intended. “No, no, don’t you dare be sorry.” He softened, pulling her back into his chest. “You did nothing wrong, baby. Nothing. He’s the one who should be sorry and I’ll make sure he is for the rest of his life.” Yoongi promised.

“I just wanted to work.” Arabella said quietly and Yoongi’s heart clenched at the words.

“I’m gonna make calls, okay? I’ll make sure he’s never near you or any other woman ever again. I’ll make sure he never sees another goddamn studio.” Yoongi’s anger started to get the best of him. Arabella moved back, looking at him. “I can get you a home studio or something so you won’t even have to leave if you don’t want. Fully equipped, best of the best, top of the line shit. We can… we can… um… we could sue him! We could do that!” Yoongi stood up from the bed, leaving Arabella to sit and watch him walk around. “Do you want to get into therapy? I’ll make sure you get a great counselor if you think you need it. It’s fine if you do, it’s worth looking into. What do you want, baby? I’ll get you whatever.”

“Hold me.” She whispered.

“What?” Yoongi furrowed his brows, he wasn’t sure he heard her correctly.

“Just hold me, please. That’s all I want.” A tear fell off her lashes.

“Of course.” He nodded and walked back to the bed. He moved under the covers and pulled her to his chest. “We’ll get through this, okay? You’ll always have me.” He kissed the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She gave a small smile. She couldn’t remember anyone loving her the way Yoongi does, even in dark times. She knew he was being honest, that he’d always be there and she appreciated it more than she could put words to.

ｈｏｓｅｏｋ

Hoseok knew he was too hard on himself but he couldn’t help it. Even when things were out of his control he felt as if he had done something wrong. That was exactly how he was feeling right now. He had gotten sick. He was sure it was something minor he had noticed before going to bed and thought he could just sleep it off. But when he woke up he was a hundred times worse.

This was already a problem, being sick meant he couldn’t practice or work at all. But this was, to him, the worst possible timing because he was scheduled to record. He couldn’t possibly record when he could hardly stand let alone rap. It just wasn’t happening. And now, he lay in bed sick from whatever he caught and sick with disgust for himself for getting sick.

Charlotte received a text early in the morning from Hoseok telling her he was sick. She was surprised, to say the least. They had been dating for over a year and she had never known him to get sick. Especially not bad enough for him to call out of recording of all things. A cough here and there, a sneeze, some stomach cramps, sure, he’s human. But sick? Absolutely not. And she knew he was beating himself up over it.

She dropped everything. Luckily she didn’t have much to drop to go take care of him. She texted him saying she was going to come over with some food and he just sent an emoji back.

“Hobi!” She called into the apartment when she walked in. It seemed empty, she knew he was home but she wasn’t used to it being so silent. It was almost worrying. Charlotte sat the grocery bags on the counter and made her way to his bedroom. She noticed a few tissues in the hallway and sighed. She knocked on the bedroom door and got a groan in response. Good enough.

“Oh, Hobi.” She mumbled as she walked in. He was under about 5 covers that were up to his eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed. “Did you take any medicine?” She asked, feeling his forehead.

“Can’t move.” He grunted.

“I’ll go grab you some. And I bought ingredients for soup.” She tells him.

“The one you make? My favorite? With the chicken?” He asked, perking up just a bit. She hums a ‘yes’. “I’m too sick to eat.” He pouted.

“Can you try? It’ll be like 30 minutes. Maybe you’ll feel a little better.”

“I’ll try.” He agreed. She kissed his forehead.

“Let me go grab that medicine.” She said before leaving the bedroom. When she got back, Hoseok had fallen asleep. She watched him look peaceful though she knew he was in pain. She debated waking him up or letting him sleep but decided taking the meds now would be the best option.

“C’mon. It’s just a couple pills, babe.” She coaxed him to sit up.

“My throat hurts.” He whined, shaking his head before wincing at the migraine.

“It’ll help, you won’t get better just laying here.” She ran her fingers through his hair which was damp with sweat. That was enough to convince him. Only for a bit, enough to take the pills and then he slumped back in the bed.

About 20 minutes later, Charlotte returns to his room. He’s still sleeping as she sets the bowl of soup of his nightstand. She tries to remember where he left the breakfast tray he bought only a couple of months ago. Once she finds it, she shakes him awake. “Made you some soup.” She says, answering the confused and slightly startled look on his face. The realization makes him more alert than she had seen him all day.

Hoseok tries to eat the soup quickly, purely because he loves it so much but he finds his arms won’t move nearly as quickly as he’d like. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.” Charlotte scolded seeing him wince trying to shovel the food into his mouth.

“Really good.” He says with a smile that made her forget to continue scolding him.

He wakes up a little better the next day, not well enough to record, but well enough to go into the living room to see Charlotte asleep on the couch. “Morning, angel.” He kissed her cheek.

“Wha-- oh! Feeling better?” She asked, sitting up. She ran her fingers through her hair, getting a bit tangled in the curls.

“Well enough to love on you a bit.” He sat next to her, resting his head on her shoulder. “You really are an angel you know? I’m positive your soup cured me.”

“When I get sick I’ll give you the recipe, okay?” She laughed.

ｎａｍｊｏｏｎ

Namjoon came back early. Really early compared to every other day. Joanna wouldn’t have heard him if she wasn’t in between songs when the door slammed shut. Slammed shut. So loud that she froze thinking someone broke in. She took her headphones out and listened carefully. She heard keys jingling, his keys, and she let out her breath and allowed her shoulders to relax.

Only for a moment, because then she was very confused and slightly worried. He was never home this early. This was late lunchtime, not late dinnertime. Not even regular dinner hours. She didn’t even wash her hands off before going into the main area of the house where Namjoon was still taking things out of his bag.

“Didn’t think you’d hear me come in.” He said with a grunt that took her off guard. He didn’t make eye contact which was even more unsettling.

“Hard not to with you slamming the door.” She meant it as a teasing comment, but he didn’t take it that way.

“Can I not slam the door in my own house?” He looked up at her. She stammered for a moment, so taken aback by the comment and tone that she couldn’t even think to respond. “I’m gonna go upstairs, keep painting or whatever.” He said.

“Namjoon, what the hell is wrong with you?” She finally found her voice as he went up the stairs.

“I’ve just had a long day, Jo.” He clenched his jaw, not looking at her.

“Talk to me,” she said, “please.” she softened her voice, practically begging. Namjoon walked back down the stairs and sat on the sofa, silently telling her to sit next to him.

“Everything is going wrong.” He said quietly as if he could silence his emotions. “I can’t find the chords, or the lyrics, or even the inspiration half the time.” He balls his hands up into fists. “I’m useless.” He sighed.

“You’re not useless.” She was quick to say. “When I’m trying to paint, I can’t tell the brushes and the paint and the canvas to cooperate with me. I can’t tell them to tell me what they want to make. I’ve got to let it come to me because if I try to make something I can’t. And even if I can, it’s blank. An emotionless, dull, fake feeling, painting. I’ll look at a blank canvas for hours, but it’ll never speak to me and tell me what to make of it.”

“What do you do? I’ve tried everything I know.” He sounded so defeated. Joanna stood up, reaching out for his hand. When he grasped it she leads him to her studio.

“Sometimes, I just have to make something. But I can’t think about it. I just need to create and I’ll feel better. I’ll feel like I’ve achieved something and I’ll remember that I know how to make beautiful things.” Joanna takes out a couple of canvases and some large bottles of paint. “I don’t know what the music equivalent is, bit I splatter paint. No thoughts, no commitment, just throwing paint around until I get out my frustration.” She smiled at him. She finds a spot on the plastic she has splayed on the floor. “Take your shirt off, and the pants too. You’ll get them dirty and it’s nice to feel free.”

“You want me to splatter paint with you, in the nude?” He clarified.

“You can keep your boxers on if you want.” She laughed as she finished setting up.

“I don’t think it’s very fair for me to be half-naked and you aren’t.” He said as he pulled his shirt off. Soon he hears her overalls hit the floor and she’s pulling her shirt off too.

“Now we’re even. Gloves are over there if you want them but I like feeling the paint.” She explained, grabbing a glob of blue and throwing it onto the canvas.

“You’re insane.” He laughed before doing the same with the yellow paint.

By the time they’ve finished, their hands are as rainbow-colored as the canvas and colored fingerprints line their bodies from sneaky grabs. “I like it.” Joanna compliments. “Very expressive, you’ve got a real eye for color, my dear.” She says in a fake British accent.

“I’ve got the best tutor.” He wraps his paint-stained hands around her waist and pulls her closer. “Thank you.” He says as he presses his lips to hers. “How do we get this paint off?” He looks at their bodies.

“It’s water-soluble.” She shrugged.

“Shower?” He raised an eyebrow, making her chuckle before kissing him to seal the agreement. “To the shower!” He says dramatically, lifting her up and making his way to the bathroom, her giggling along with him the whole way.

Maknae line soon! Thanks for reading!!

#bts reactions #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts imagine #my writing

2 notes · View notes

promptoargentumsgirlfriend · 6 years ago

Text

Chasing One’s Birthright

AO3

Wordcount: 2,500

Hey, guess what time it is! It’s angst time! Because it’s Katrina and Keaton in the Birthright route! You think my first fic for this selfship would be a happier one but nope! I want to make people suffer! Plus I’ve been teasing this for ages. This does get violent in the last third, but that just happens when we’re talking about Fire Emblem Fates.

Enjoy the suffering!

Katrina stood in front of the wolfskin pack, not standing down despite the danger she was putting herself in. She knew what she was getting into when she left her village home and made her way up Mt. Garou, but she wanted to join her people and live as a wolfskin. She had to do this. They looked at her with suspicion, no doubt smelling human from her clothes and being confused. She looked like one of them, but she smelled like the humans. She already knew from their smell that she was the odd one out. She wasn't about to back down though.

"My name is Katrina!" she announced, griping onto the beaststone she wore around her neck. "Who is the leader of this pack? I must speak with them!"

There were murmurs coming from the group in front of her, though she couldn't understand what they were saying. She saw someone step away, hopefully granting her request and bringing the leader to her. The remainder of the group continued to stare her down, weary of her intentions. Katrina continued to stay strong, knowing that one wrong move could mean her death.

A new face stepped forward from the crowd. He was a scruffy looking wolfskin with white and black hair, and a scar on his cheek. This must be the leader. He approached her with a smirk on his face. "Heard someone was asking for me, guessing that's you?" he asked, giving her a sniff. "You're a wolfskin, but you smell like a human. Ain't that strange. Care to explain why?"

Katrina took a deep breath, she'd been preparing herself for this. "My wolfskin parents were killed when I was young. A human couple took me in when they found me and my dying father. I've been raised in a Nohrian village ever since." She heard some laughter from the on-lookers. Even the man in front of her seemed to snicker. She expected this though.

"So what's a housebroken girl like you doing all the way out here?" The leader asked. "Shouldn't you be back in your cozy little home?"

Katrina stared him straight in the eyes, her conviction clear as she spoke. "I came to live among the wolfskin! To learn the ways of my people!" The laughter grew from the crowd.

"And what makes you think you can handle it out here?" The leader asked, staring her down and making her feel small. "We don't live the cushy lives you did down with the humans. In fact, how can I trust you to be a wolfskin like you said? Humans really want our fur, and you could be wearing that to trick me!"

Katrina sighed, She knew this could happen. "I have my mother's beaststone with me," she said, showing the stone dangling from around her neck. "If you need proof that I'm the real thing, I can just use this to transform myself, can't I? And I felt the need to come here, to join the rest of you. Something inside me said I needed to leave my old life behind. So I made my way up here."

The two of them stared at each other's eyes, while whispers came from the others. She could hear them this time, hear the disbelief at her story and that she's tricking them. But she knew what she had to do here. She'd fight this man if that's what it took to prove she was worthy of-

"Alright, I believe you!"

Wait, what?

The man was grinning at her, and his tail seemed to be wagging. Was this really happening? "You do?" she asked.

"Yeah, no way someone would come all this way and face me down like that if they were lying!" he said. "My name's Keaton, I run things around here! And if I think you're trustworthy, then that's that! What's your name?"

Katrina was confused, but decided not to question it. "It's Katrina."

"Katrina, huh? Nice to meet you! Welcome to the pack! I have a feeling we're gonna be best friends!" Keaton grabbed her hand and began leading her to the place they called home.

She smiled, her own tail wagging as well. "Nice to meet you too."

----------------------------------------------

It was hard for Katrina to fit in at first, though she'd expected this. She knew nothing of the wolfskin ways, aside from what few behaviors she'd had naturally. So it was no surprise that most of the other wolfskin didn't accept her at first. The others would look at her strangely, even after the human scent went away. They wouldn't interact with her, or even acknowledge her sometimes. There were times she felt like giving up and just going back home to her village, but there was one person who kept her from acting on those thoughts.

Keaton.

The wolfskin leader had taken to her quickly, and was eager to teach her the ways of their people. Even when she felt like giving up, he was there to encourage her and keep her going, always ready to pick her up when she fell. He'd even offered her to stay with him, an offer she hesitantly but happily accepted. He was always standing up for her, threatening the others who dared to mock her. She wasn't used to such kindness, having been an outcast in her old village. But seeing someone willingly stand up for her without hesitation made her happy. Keaton made her happy.

With all the lessons he was giving her over the past weeks, it was no surprise that they began to get closer. It wasn't long before she began to feel her heart pound wildly in her chest whenever he was near. And it wasn't long before both of them got flustered around each other. And it wasn't long before she realized she needed to tell him about this.

"Hey, Keaton? I need to tell you something..." she said, approaching him in their shared home.

Keaton stiffened up. "Uh, okay. What's up?"

Katrina took a deep breath, she'd never been in this situation before. Her tail fell flat beneath her legs. "Look, I know I'm not the best wolfskin, hell there's still a whole lot I don't get and I'm not exactly popular around here," she explained. "But despite all that, you're nice to me. And I thought I just liked you because you're so nice to me, but I think things are different now.

"I don't just like you, I think I really like you. And um, well, I think I want to be more than friends? But I don't know if that's even a thing that we do, or if you'd even want to be with me, but I needed to get this off my chest because I don't want things to keep feeling awkward and I probably sound like an idiot at this point-"

"Shut up." Without her realizing it, Keaton had walked up to her and was holding her in his arms. He placed a hand behind her head and began kissing her. It was sloppy, unfocused, but it felt wonderful. Both of their tails began wagging as Katrina kissed back and wrapped her arms around him.

The two stayed like that for a while, breaking apart and feeling out of breath. Both of them were red in the face, with Keaton looking away nervously. "Look, I'm not good at this stuff. I didn't know what else to do with you talking non-stop. I just, I like you too! You're funny and pretty and nice and all sorts of things! You make me happy and I don't care what anyone else thinks! You mean more to me than my treasures! I want you to stay with me. Will you marry me Katrina?"

Katrina was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. "I mean, yes. Of course I'll marry you," she finally managed to say. "Do I really mean more to you than your treasures?"

"Well yeah, you're special," Keaton said, looking back at her with a smile. "There's no other wolfskin like you after all! And I think that's a good thing!"

Katrina ran back to Keaton, trapping him in her embrace as she began crying into his chest.

"Hey! What the hell? Why're you crying? I thought you wanted to marry me?" Keaton asked, unsure of what to do and worried he'd done something wrong. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her.

"I'm crying because I'm happy," she said, looking up at him. "I just can't help but cry after hearing all that. You've made me so happy, Keaton! I can't wait to get married!"

Keaton smiled and held her closer. "I mean, I guess I'm excited for it too," he said, trying to hide his feelings after spilling them out like that, though it didn't last very long as his tail started wagging again and he broke out into a huge grin. "But I promise you, I'm gonna make you the happiest woman ever! I'll make you smile, and we'll have a family, and I promise that we'll be happy from now on! Nothing's ever gonna get in the way of our love, not as long as I'm standing!"

-------------------------------------------

Keaton fell to the ground, his blood flying through the air before landing on Katrina. She was frozen there, staring at the blood on her shaking hands. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be. Things weren't supposed to happen this way!

"Ugh... Why did you have to come here..." Keaton muttered, turning back from his wolf form as he laid there dying.

Katrina fell to her knees in front of him, tears falling onto his body. "K...Keaton? What h...happened to...you?" she stammered, wanting to hold him in her arms but too shocked to try. She feared he would crumble if she touched him, so her arms just hovered there.

Keaton struggled to look up at her, trying to give her a smile. "Sorry Katrina... I can't make you happy anymore... Dammit, I'm a terrible husband, aren't I?"

"No...don't say that..." Katrina said, sobs mixing with her words. "Y-You promised we'd be h-happy! You can't d-die here! Y-You can't!" She clutched her head, desperately trying to reject the reality in front of her. The blood smeared across her face as she began hyperventilating.

"I love you...Katrina..." Keaton muttered, placing his blood soaked hand on her face in an attempt to comfort her. "I'm sorry I...can't keep my promise..." His eyes struggled to stay open, not looking away from Katrina once. "Get out...of here... I don't...want you to..." His hand fell from her cheek, his final breath escaping him. He was dead.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Keaton shouldn't be dead! Her breathing got faster as she looked at the battlefield in front of her. The Hoshidans. This was all their fault. If the Hoshidan army hadn't come through here then Keaton would still be alive. If they hadn't crossed through the mountain no one would be dead now. If that prince hadn't struck down Keaton with his sword, she could live happily with her husband. But no, the Hoshidans did all this. She hadn't even cared about the war between the two countries and yet they brought it here. Everyone was dead because of the Hoshidans.

Katrina's sadness turned into rage as her vision turned red. They'd pay for this. The Hoshidans would pay for ever coming here! She'd kill them all if she had to!

She let out a pained scream as she grabbed her beaststone and transformed. She was going to kill every Hoshidan she could find until none of them remained! They wouldn't get away with Keaton's death! Keaton's final words were lost to her in her blind rage and blood-lust. She tore apart as many soldiers as she could, their blood covering her fur. She had to kill them. She had to kill all of the Hoshidans who came into their territory! She'd kill them if it was the last thing she did!

Suddenly, in the midst of her rampage, she spotted him. The prince who'd killed her beloved, who'd slashed at him with his sword like it was nothing. He's the one who started all this! Her rage was focused solely on him now, she cared for nothing else than to bathe in that man's blood. "YOU! You did this! Everyone's dead because of you!" she shouted, getting his attention. "You're going to pay for everything you've done! I'm going to kill you right here and now!" She lunged forward, her claws outstretched to pierce his skin.

But he didn't feel her claws rip through him. His skin had changed somehow. She looked and saw the prince had changed from a human to a dragon. Had she not been consumed by anger she would've wondered how this happened, but she cared little for why he was a dragon and was more focused on killing him. It didn't matter if he was human or dragon! She'd kill him no matter what!

At least, that was her thought until she felt an arrow pierce her fur. She hadn't noticed the younger prince battling alongside her target.

She fell to the ground as she succumbed to the pain. She changed back, coughing up blood as she struggled to stand up. Her vision was no longer clouded by anger, but sorrow. She stared up at the princes, the younger one still aiming his yumi at her. "You should've just left..." she muttered, coughing up more blood. "Everything would've been better if you had just left us alone..." She attempted to stand, the will to fight no longer in her and Keaton's words finally coming to her, but a second arrow pierced her skull and knocked her back down to the ground.

"You're lucky I was here, otherwise you'd be dead by now." she heard the young prince say, their footsteps getting farther away.

She looked up, everything was hard to see with the blood and tears blurring her vision, but she managed to see him. Keaton's body was only a few feet away. Unable to stand up, she slowly dragged herself along the grass. "Keaton...you were right..." she whimpered. "I should've...gone back..." Pain coursed through her entire body. "But I'm not...gonna leave you... I don't...want to die alone..." She was so close, she could almost reach him. "I love you...Keaton... Please be waiting for me...on the other...si..."

Katrina collapsed, dying from the blood loss. Her hand laid mere inches from Keaton's.

The battle over, Corrin could only look at the two wolfskin with sadness. Perhaps had circumstances been different, he could've been friends with them. "I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen." he whispered, knowing that they couldn't hear him. He left with the Hosidan army, guilt in his heart, as the souls of the two lovers greeted each other in the afterlife.

#Snapshot speak #Keatrina #Self ship #Who's ready to cry?

13 notes · View notes

phxse-shifter · 5 years ago

Text

Bones [ Kaito / Sharon – Chapters 1 & 2]

A redo of a fic that was previously posted on my NSFW blog. Chapters 1 and 2 are redone here, and the title revised. The rest of the chapters will be posted separately.

Summary: In the Midas Group, scandals and confrontations are the norm and Kaito is immediately thrown into just how harsh working for the elusive and dangerous Dr. X. One thing leads to another and he ends up partners with Sharon, who’s more than willing to help him become a powerful figure in the Midas Group. Told in Kaito’s POV.

“You are my god, you are my soul, you’re my savior in a devil’s world—and I can’t exist without you, I can’t exist without you.”

“You are my drug, my miracle, you are my cure in this infected world-- and I can’t do this without you, I’m dying here without you.”

It was clear that when I started working with her, that I had no chance of escaping her clutches. She is the Black Widow, and I am her prey. I both blessed and cursed Dr. X for making me her partner. It was something I thought about since I first started working for him, but thought I would never see come to fruition due to her status. Even now, I would have much preferred my own area but to him, I wasn’t trustworthy enough for that. I needed to be “watched”, he says. By someone more trustworthy. I’d already had a recent strain of failures in regards to his wishes– which I still didn’t understand or bother trying to in detail– so he wasn’t trying to give me favor. To him, I was on thin ice. Not even that, but trying to fight my way through frigid waters.

Two days ago, I first entered the lab of Dr. Sharon Gagliardi.

Who would have thought that the most dangerous and intelligent woman of the science community would be working for the devil incarnate? She was revered far and wide by many. Anyone would kill to work with her. To be in my place. Well, that was their problem. I’m her partner now, and by the looks of it, I’m going to be staying here with her for a bit.

However, I mess THIS up—our partnership, she’s going to tell Dr. X, and he’s either going to fire or maim me. That, or before she tells him, I’ll end up one of her “detailed little experiments” just for pissing her off in the wrong way or going against her. Her stoic face can’t hide her often cruel intentions. Working for Dr. X would do that to someone, still, it’s actually surprising to me. When she plots, and I ask her, albeit reluctantly, if she needs “assistance”, she laughs me off, saying I would destroy her plans instantly. I’m going to prove her wrong, if she would allow me to do that.

I know she thinks of herself as some sort of goddess or whatever. I don’t care too much about that, except for the fact she thought of me of some sort of eyesore. I was more or less her errandboy, and was not allowed to do anything remotely interesting for her. When I kept to myself, even that was a bother for her. It’s frustrating, because I do respect her… but she barely respected me.

“Daichi.”

Ah, yes. She only used my last name. I’m used to that, because my culture showed respect by using the last name, yet the way she says mine is mocking. I look her in the eyes and say nothing, awaiting her next cruel statement, and icy glare. Instead it never comes, and she sighs, as if I’d disappointed her and turns on her heel, walking away. This is what I was going to deal with until I could prove myself to Dr. X and beg him for my own personal laboratory.

“You know, Gagliardi, all you have to do is tell Dr. X you don’t want me here,” I say to her, almost praying she’d make up some elaborate lie to get me out of here. “I bet it’d solve a whole lot of problems for you.”

She pauses, turning around with a strange, cold smile on her face, and fixes her glasses.

“Contrary to your popular belief, I don’t find you that repulsive. You just need work.”

“Elaborate,” I ask her. It may have sounded like an order, but I know she secretly likes when someone stands up to her. It surprises her. Makes her think.

She entertains me. “For starters, your work makes you worthy of being here. I’ve noted your designs stemming from Japan. You recently opened them up outside of your country. You’ve helped many with them, including those with disabilities—but you’re incredibly naïve. Your decision… Out of all the people you chose to work with… chose to work for the leader of the Midas Group, despite all the media telling you about the conspiracies, which are true. Why here?”

I freeze. For the first time since I’ve started working with her, she complimented me. I didn’t even think she gave my work a second glance! Yet, she did. I thank her quickly, but contemplate her next words. My reasons for choosing to work for Dr. X are a mixed mess, though I won’t exactly tell her that.

“I know choosing to work with Dr. X is something that a sane person wouldn’t choose to do, but I knew what I was doing when I approached him and I know what I’m doing now, Gagliardi. My reasoning will remain secret, for now. I just need more time.”

“Very well.”

We leave it at that. Throughout the remainder of our work for today, I can feel her eyes on me. I feel her looking at my every move, as if she’s analyzing me in my entirety. I’m trying my best to put something together but I can’t exactly do that since I know she’s looking at me and most likely judging me. She’s sitting, crossing her leg, fiddling her thumbs but still looking at me and I almost hate that. It’s bothering me, so much, so, so much so that the next stack of papers I pick up shake in my hands, a signal that my heart’s racing.

Next, I don’t even hear her footsteps despite her always wearing heels. She comes up behind me and grabs both of my wrists, stabilizing me by force. Her hands are soft against mine. She’s so close that some of her golden tresses rest on her shoulder, yet that does nothing to calm me. She’s never been this close to me and I don’t know how to feel about this.

“You’re shaking,” she noted.

I try not to roll my eyes. It can’t be helped that I’m shaking. I’m nervous. Nervous, but not scared.

“I didn’t notice,” I respond, sarcasm laced into my voice.

Oddly enough, she chuckles as she releases her grip, allowing me to put the stack of papers back down. She fiddles her hair, as if nothing has happened, and returns to her chair. This time she doesn’t look my way, and I’m able to get all tasks done. It’s as if she’s isn’t in the room. Why is she doing these things? To get something out of me? What does she want now? Things would be so much better if she didn’t do things like this.

“You seem to do much better when you’re isolated,” she noted quietly, her back still turned.

“Thanks,” I respond, sarcastically once again to her. “It’s the anxiety. I’d much rather not be near anyone– especially someone who considers my presence babysitting.”

“I do not consider your presence babysitting,” She opposes me greatly, standing up and walking towards me. Her eyes pierce mine, and her words are strong without the slightest hesitation in her voice. I know she is telling me the truth. I wanted to put her on the spot, to get her to admit something. I didn’t want to let her win but it backfired in such a strange way. “Like I said, you need work. You need more experience here, but I do not consider your presence that of a child.”

I don’t know how to respond. I can tell her words are true as I noted earlier, but it’s so unexpected. I thought she hated me even, despite respecting my work. You can respect the work but not the person to some extent. I open my mouth to apologize but she cuts me off.

“Come earlier tomorrow.”

I sigh. “Look, Gagliardi, I know you want someone to wake up for you at the crack of dawn but I actually-”

“Not for me,” she cuts in. For Dr. X. He’s coming to access our work tomorrow. Yours, specifically. The man’s always up at some ungodly hour so he’s using that to his advantage tomorrow.”

I sigh again. The creations I’ve made, mainly my cybernetics, would not be enough to please him. My cybernetics were made mostly to alter one’s body and he already had many creations involving that. Even with the ones I’ve made for weapons would be of no use to him. Dr. X had the power ot freeze over cities if he really wanted to. My worries are many, but instead of speaking all of those to Gagliardi of all people? I say the one thing that just manages to pop out of my mouth.

“…This man has a wife.”

I get her to laugh. “Oh trust me, Dr. X is a cakewalk compared to her.”

I raise my brows. “Really?”

She looks at me in surprise.

“You haven’t seen her? She’s almost always with him, at his side, and dressed in purple. Her hair covers her right eye. She is unavoidably the cruelest, and always gets her way, but she loves Dr. X to death. She has the power to get rid of someone herself. Don’t mess with her. For your own sake.”

My heart raced. What if she were with him tomorrow? If even Gagliardi was scared of her, then I would be terrified. Would she think my talent was so worthless that she would tell her husband to get rid of me or even do it herself? I try to tell myself I’m overthinking things. This is Dr. X. He always had the final say. Maybe she had insight on certain matters but she wasn’t the final determiner… Right?

“I’ll help you, of course,” she says suddenly.

“Why? Gagliardi, I-”

“I want to help you.” She responds. For as long as I’ve been here, there has been no suitable partner for me. I want you to stay here. I would much rather work with you and help you to stay here. Now get ready for tomorrow.

Before I can ask her to elaborate, she tells me quickly to get ready for tomorrow while almost pushing me out. I know I won’t be able to sleep.

I needed to be certain I wouldn’t end up as someone Dr. X– or his wife– maimed.

End of Chapter 1.

This time, I didn’t care about waking up early. I woke two hours early to head to the lab Gagaliadi and I shared. I looked at the time briefly and it was about three am. When she said Dr. X is awake at ungodly hours, she was right. He is our leader, after all. He must have to check every little detail before he is able to sleep soundly. When I entered our lab, of course Gagliardi was there, and I noticed my papers were out on the table, sorted neatly. All I would have to do is hand them over to Dr. X without a word and that’s exactly what I was going to do.

What’s alarming is that Gagliardi told me earlier that these visits were frequent even when I wasn’t here, so he wasn’t just out for me, so why did I feel he was? I see her now. She looked conflicted. Sitting in her chair, crossing her leg, and waving her own notes idly, she didn’t move her head to look at me, and didn’t acknowledge me. That was strange. She would have at least said something. Normally, I wouldn’t care considering when she looked my way it was often to criticize despite her objection yesterday but the expression she had wasn’t her usual. I am not compelled to speak. I don’t dare interrupt her. She hates that and would have no problem insulting me if I did so.

Instead, she is the one that breaks the deafening silence.

“This is the fifth time this month,” is all she said.

My eyes look towards the white floor tiles. She and I were both on edge. Her soft, worried voice is foreign to me. I’ve never heard her speak or act this way even though I’ve worked with her for so little.

“He’s planning something,” she continued.

Dr. X could be planning anything. He was… Unpredictable to say the least. We never knew his intentions, however there was one rule I knew was law in the Midas Group. What Dr. X wants is what Dr. X gets. All resistance denied. No one wanted nor dared to say ‘no’ to him. No one wanted to see him enraged. It was terrifying and I didn’t even know what it looked like, but I did know what it sounded like. When I and the rest of the Group knew he was angry, we heard screams and had to drown out the noise with something else.

“Is it something we’ll have to… Assist him with?” I ask her, my voice unable to be above a whisper.

I can see the dread in her face.

“You and I had better hope not,” she responded.

I wanted to ask why, but our doors opening did not allow that. My heart skips a beat and like clockwork, Gagliardi gets up almost immediately, wiping the blank expression off of her face and stands next to me and I straigten myself out, forcing the worry and dread off of my face. I could not look weak. I would not look weak.

Dr. X is as I remember him. Intimidating. Showing his status and power, and not here for niceties in any way. He does not speak until another person enters. She is just as Gagliardi described her.

The woman who entered stood next to Dr. X, her arms crossed. There was a mystery to her. I wanted to know more about her instantly. She was like a siren, singing a song that led sailors to their death. She, like described previously, was wearing purple and gold. Her hair was indeed over the right side of her face, and her hands were gloved. Our eyes connect but before my body makes me freeze, I give a formal bow.

“Dr. X, Dr…-“

I didn’t know her name.

“Elaine,” she responded.

“-Dr. Elaine. Welcome.”

“A pleasure to have you both,” Gagliardi greets them herself. “We’re pleased to see you.”

Our greetings done, Dr. X walks over to our table, surveying our notes. I wanted to speak on my latest work, but I wouldn’t be allowed to do so. Dr. X’s wife- Dr. Elaine—approaches me. She looks at me like predator hunting prey. Up and down. To the sides, before her eye pierces mine. That deep black color that I couldn’t stop looking at. I couldn’t move. Why could I not move? I wanted to move but I couldn’t move. Anything to put more space between us but I can’t move. My heart is racing? Why in the name of everything couldn’t I MOVE?

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” she spoke to me.

Her voice is like the siren’s I compared her to earlier. I feel like I’m in a trance, as if I’m only supposed to pay attention to her lest I receive a swift and painful punishment. If I don’t pay attention to her, I’ll die. I have to follow and respect her every move. I will die. I will die if I don’t. I’ll die.

“We… We haven’t,” I said in a quiet, submissive voice. “I am-“

She chuckled. “-Dr. Kaito Daichi. My husband has told me a lot about you.”

I am completely frozen. At her mercy. I don’t know entirely if if her that’s really doing something to me, but I can’t move and the only thing I’m thankful for is that I can still control my eyes and overall expressions despite the trance. I try my best to not show fear, though I don’t have a damn clue if it’s working. She doesn’t stop looking at me and it reminds me of how much Gagliardi looks at me when she’s observing my work. Except with her I don’t feel like I’m going to die.

“Your devices are useful… Though, they are not what I’m looking for, nor am I overly impressed. After all this, and me being gracious enough to pair you with Dr. Gagliardi, you still haven’t made something for me?” I register Dr. X speking. I have to defend myself but I’m still forced to look at Dr. Elaine. If she really is doing this, then I want to test a theory.

I won’t allow it to end this way. I know I’m worthy of being here. My creations were not noted in my home country just because they look pleasing. They are worthy and I will be more than willing to prove it. Can’t you just tell him that? Please? Believe in me, if that is what you wish.

I don’t know how. I don’t know why, but Dr. Elaine’s gaze is different. It’s like she heard me. It’s like she’s thinking about what I said—no. What I thought.

I’m even more surprised as Gagliardi even tries to defend me herself, being my voice.

“Doctor, you know his inventions-“

“Quiet, Dr. Gagliardi.” Dr. Elaine interrupts her. “Anything that needs to be addressed will be asked by my husband.”

I can’t tell with my eyes, but I know he’s just looking at my inventions mockingly and wondering the best way to kill me so his secret is safe. The hold Dr. Elaine has over me… Breaks. She moves from me, grabs her husband’s arm, and she shakes her head disapprovingly. What is she doing?

“My love,” she says softly. “You mustn’t be so harsh. Dr. Daichi is still new. A fresh bud. You haven’t let him cultivate. Don’t be so, so mean, my love. He needs time and we have enough time for now.”

“Elaine-”

“Time is precious, my love,” she says sweetly. “Don’t be so hasty.”

“Fine,” Dr. X says.

Did she just defend me herself? However, my relief is instantly taken away.

“You make the conditions.”

I knew this would happen.

Dr. X turns on his heel and escorts himself out. I can see Gagliardi look as if she’s seen a ghost on my behalf, and I know this isn’t going to end well for me. I’m forced to look at Dr. Elaine, who was more than terrifying at this point once again again, and she takes her index finger and traces my cheek. I will myself to look at her strongly. Her next words shock the hell out of me.

“Dr. Daichi… Do not allow it to end this way.”

And just like that, she was gone.

I can’t force myself to be strong anymore. I sank to my knees. I wondered if it were too late to run away. To go in hiding? I begin breathing heavily. My head begins to hurt. I’m fucking sleep deprived. It was all too much and I’m on the verge of panicking. My heart is beating rapidly. I have to calm down or things will get worse. If my health deteriorates I’ll really be useless like Dr. X already thinks. The worst thing? I’m doing it in front of Gagliardi. I feel embarrassed. Almost disgusted with myself.

But she’s not ridiculing me. She’s not criticizing me.

She’s next to me, on her own knees, and pulls me close, holding me. She strokes my hair and it feels strange, but comforting, as if she was trying to protect me. It would take a bit to calm down, but this was certainly helping. She was helping me. Even if she’s doing this out of pity, I don’t care. It’s helping me. I’ll be alright soon. I’ll be alright.

“I alone will get Dr. X off of your shoulders,” she says, determined. “I’ll make this end. I won’t let anyone cause you to leave here.”

I hold on to her almost for dear life.

“Why… Why couldn’t I move?” I ask her.

“That was Elaine. She can do that. She does it so the recipient’s words do not influence her husband. Though, it makes him judge more harshly. Elaine defended you, however. She has never done that. Ever.”

I think I know why. It’s because Dr. Elaine can read my thoughts. She heard me. I don’t know how or why, but she heard me and in the end, that small moment of faith in me is what has me still standing—on a spiritual note. Me being on my knees right now isn’t exactly me “standing” right now. Still, I feel compelled to thank her when I see her again, and I’ll be seeing more of her again.

Gagliardi wills me to stand, and has me face her. Her words is something that would follow me over and over again for as long as I tried to prove myself.

“Realize one thing– You actively chose to work for Dr. X,” she begins. “No matter the desperation you had and your motif, you chose to do this when there were other options you could have ventured to. Do not presume to think yourself innocent and incapable of cruelty. You have to embrace that side of you. You have to be strong. There are moments where you’ll have to show heartlessness. You will have to be cruel. You will have to do things that… Are not ethical in the slightest. That truth will set you free.”

#game of dice #fic series: bones #kaito & sharon #i'm bad at summaries lol #i tried

1 note · View note

cameoamalthea · 6 years ago

Text

So I took this Dark Core Personality test (which was less edge lord than I thought it would be) and scored 31.89% lighter than average. OP scored 26.11% darker and because tumblr is forcing me to see all the comments on this thread (not just comments directed to me based on my reblog - seriously tumblr why you do this?) I see a lot of darkness.

I wonder how people are scoring that way?

So I thought I’d take a moment to think about the questions. All 45 of them: under the cut

1. I deserve more than I currently have in life.

I said strongly agree, because while I’m grateful for what I have I’d like to be a bit more financially stable/to be able to pay back the family that have helped me.

I don’t think it’s wrong to agree with some of these (average is agreeing to a lot of these things). Most things are about balance.

It’s good to have self esteem and self worth, to say that you deserve happiness/good things/to succeed and grow.

2. I might be willing to take a punch if it meant that someone I did not like would receive two punches.

I don’t really understand this question and strongly disagreed. Why get myself hurt just to hurt someone else. I don’t really want to see anyone get punched. It just seems petty and mean.

3. Some people have to be treated roughly because they lack feelings that can be hurt.

Again what? How could anyone even think this? Everyone has feelings that can be hurt and no one has to be hurt. That’s awful.

4. If I opposed the election of an official, I would be glad to see them fail, even if their failure hurt my community.

I was neutral on this one, because I don’t understand how an elected official failing would hurt my community. If I oppose the election of an official it’s because I think their success would hurt my community. You vote for who you think will have the best policies right?

I don’t get it.

5. I would be willing to pay more for certain goods if other people I did not like had to pay even more.

This seems stupid, petty and unfair. I don’t see why you’d want to hurt people you don’t like...I may not like everyone but I don’t want to see anyone hurt.

6. It is important to me that I am more successful than others.

This I agreed with strongly. It’s a fault I have and I know it. I want to prove myself as ‘worthy” I guess. Good enough. Not a failure. Because I always felt like it was somehow my fault I was never adopted/treated like a daughter by my guardians. Sometimes I wonder if I’d somehow been more lovable they would have wanted me. So I think if I’m more successful than average/do something amazing, then it would be proof that I’m not worthless?

I know that I shouldn’t compare myself to others. It’s not effective to compare yourself negatively. Life isn’t a competition and if it were a race, it wouldn’t be a fair one since we all start in different places. I should focus on my own happiness and appreciate my achievements relative to how far I’ve come not to anyone else.

Still, if I’m honest, I have to strong agree even if I know it’s a fault.

7.I like to pick on losers.

What the heck? I wouldn’t want to pick on anyone.

8. It’s okay to lie since you never know who you can trust.

No, it’s not okay to lie. I think if you’re seen as honest and trustworthy then people will give you honesty and trust in return.

9. I can be really nasty when I take my revenge.

I don’t want revenge

10. Payback needs to be quick and nasty.

Again, I don’t need revenge or payback. (If anything if others hurt me I need to accept that it wasn’t my fault/I didn’t disserve it)

11. I fantasize about extraordinary prestige.

This is a strong agree, unsurprisingly. I want to be loved, and prestige would mean a lot of people would like me or my work. That would feel good.

12. I use insincere flattery to get my way.

Nope, I do use sincere flattery to be nice to people. People like compliments and it’s good to be nice.

13. I use lies to get my way.

Nope.

14. I should not have to deal with trivial matters or the humdrum of everyday life.

Isn’t the humdrum of everyday life what life is? I like life? When I was a kid I dreamed about just having a normal life. I think we should all appreciate it.

15. I have enjoyed hurting someone physically, sexually, or emotionally.

No, I would never want to hurt someone. Although I was with a girl once who liked it if I bit her and it made her happy when I did it. I don’t think that’s hurting someone if you’re making them happy. Even if it is, I didn’t enjoy hurting her. I enjoyed making her happy.

16. People see me as especially worthy of admiration.

No way, I can’t imagine being worthy of admiration.

17. I deserve to have great things come my way in life.

Strong affirmation, which is a good thing for me given my issues with self esteem and feeling like I deserve bad things/don’t deserve good things. It’s not selfish to have a healthy amount of self esteem and self care.

18. It’s okay to lie if it’s the best way to handle a situation.

I’m honestly really honest. To the point of being too blunt and hurting others feelings.

19. I honestly feel I am just more deserving than others.

Big no to this one, I don’t deserve more than anyone else and I’m sure there others more deserving than me and it’s been a lot of work not to feel like I’m I just less deserving than others

20. It is sometimes worth taking a little suffering yourself if it means that others will receive the punishment they deserve.

Again with the punishment. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t believe in punishment per se, I believe in consequences and that consequences come from the individuals actions. It’s not something I want to have happen to others, it’s something that does happen/should happen because justice and fairness demand a certain consequence to certain actions

21. Most people don’t really care about others.

That’s not true, I can’t believe that

22. Taking something without the owner’s permission is okay as long as you’re just borrowing it.

No, it’s not. Borrowing requires permission. Consent is the difference between what is permissible and what is criminal (note how permissible has the same root as permission). People have a right to their belongings, and even if you give it back, using it without consent is still conversion. If you take a car and go joy riding and intend to bring it back, you’ve still stolen a car.

Yes, there some things you might feel ok borrowing without asking because it’s a small thing and they wouldn’t mind, then chances are you’d be ok with stealing that thing (i.e. a pencil). Otherwise, you shouldn’t take without asking.

23. I look down on people who unwisely share their secrets.

No, in fact I’m very open and share everything. I don’t have secrets.

24. I refrain from telling people the real reason I did something unless it is useful to do.

No, again I’m very honest and open. I want to be understood. I don’t really stop to think about what’s useful.

25. I only obey those laws that seem reasonable to me.

No, everyone is bound by the laws. Doesn’t matter if the speed limit could be faster you shouldn’t speed.

26. I often have fantasies which involve hurting people.

Big no

27. There are no right and wrong ways of making money, so much as there are easy and hard ways.

God that sounds terrible. Like they’d do anything to make money. Do you know how many terrible ways people can make money?

28. I can get so angry that I want to hurt people.

Big no, I don’t get angry often and when I do I don’t want to hurt anyone.

29. People who get mistreated have usually done something to deserve it.

No, big no. That’s not true. People get mistreated who have done nothing to deserve it. Usually that’s how bullying works.

30. My own happiness is more important than that of the people around me.

Nope, and this is another flaw of mine. I tend to put everyone else first.

31. Compared to other bad things people do, stealing something small from a store isn’t worth worrying about.

No, it’s still stealing and it actually hurts the store’s bottom line (they keep track of items that go missing, called “shrink”) and if the store is hurt/loses money then that can hurt the people who work there (hours, even whole jobs, cut to save money).

32. Most people would probably enjoy hurting others if they had the chance.

No, I can’t believe that’s true

33. If I had the opportunity, I would gladly pay a small sum of money to see a classmate whom I do not like fail a job or exam.

Again, I don’t want to hurt people. One this seems like paying to hurt someone which is wrong. And making someone fail when they don’t deserve that. It’s not fair and it’s not right.

34. I expect special favors from others.

Nope

35. I keep track of sensitive information that can be used to hurt people at a later time.

Of course not, I don’t want to hurt anyone.

36. I spend a lot of time looking for opportunities to achieve higher social status.

Nope, I’m ambitious insofar as I want to do well but I don’t spend a lot of time on it. If anything it makes me anxious to ask for things so even applying for jobs was hellish and I hate networking events. It feels wrong to talk to people just because you want something from them.

37. People like me deserve more perks and advantages than the average person.

No, again, my natural state is to think I don’t deserve anything but I’m working on that. But even then, no one deserves to be treated better than anyone else, that’s not fair.

38. Hearing others praise me is something I look forward to.

Big YES for this one! I like to feel like I’m going a good job and I need the validation.

39.I am especially motivated towards making friends with important people.

Not really, I want to make friends with everyone because friends

40. I avoid direct conflict with people who may be useful to me in the future.

I said yes on this because I avoid conflict in general and I don’t want to burn bridges with people

41. Those with superior talents should not hide them.

Well yeah, everyone should let their talents shine and share them with the world.

42. I am constantly looking for ways to get ahead.

I said yes, I want to do my best.

43. I humiliate others to keep them in line.

This is wrong on so many levels. “keep them in line” Trying to control people is abusive. Hurting people is wrong and humiliating someone is hurting someone, doing it to control them is textbook abuse/manipulation. That’s terrible.

44. People who mess with me almost always regret it.

I don’t think they do and I certainly don’t try to make them regret it. Well one time I sued a car dealership for running my credit without my consent (in the face of me saying no multiple times/complete lack of consent). I wanted them to pay for that, but not just for me, because they broke the law and they should learn that’s not ok. I hope that by losing some money they would think twice about doing that to other people. But I think that’s the only time I’ve ever taken action against anyone, but that wasn’t revenge, that was ensuring the fair consequence for their actions.

45. I’ll say anything to get what I want.

Nope, I’m honest and I don’t think it’s right to say “anything” just to get what I want. That seems wrong.

12 notes · View notes

ficdirectory · 7 years ago

Text

The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x02 “Exterminate Her”

We’re back for more of our thoughts on this week’s Fosters. As usual, check out @tarajean621‘s thoughts on Jesus and brain injury representation in italics below:

You Know What Could Have Happened, Callie?/Honey, She Was Terrified: I can totally understand Callie wanting to focus on the good side of things. I’m sure she is keenly aware of just how badly things could have gone. And Stef being short with her and Lena taking the time to explain how scared Stef was rings so true to Real Stuff Parents Do.

This Is Nothing to Celebrate!/Surprise! And, naturally, all the charges are dropped. But how awkward is this surprise party led by Robert? Especially Mariana leading her brothers in a rousing chant of “hip hip hooray” because “our sister’s a hero!” So cute, though.

How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Your Brother?/How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Mariana? I missed this part somehow when it first aired.

How’s The Treehouse Going? Has She Taken Over Yet?/No, She Just Found Us a Tree: Wow, everyone’s crabby today, aren’t they? Settle down, Emma. Only a few more days and you can be really far away from Mariana. (And Jesus. I wonder how that will go?)

Hey, Can I Talk to You for a Second?/Uh, Yeah, Sure: I hate that everyone is now actively fearing Jesus. It’s especially disheartening seeing Mariana react out of fear here. And the camera stays with Brandon as he jumps and then leaves the table. I’d love for the assumption that Jesus now resides at Intimidation Station to not be a thing.

I have been looking for statistics on how likely it is that people with TBIs assault their caregivers, since this seems to be the slant the writers are taking with 5A. I could not come up with one link.

I did, however, find pages of links (over 3 million results) about disabled abuse and victimization.

One source says that disabled people are 4-10 times more likely to be victims of violence, abuse or neglect than nondisabled people. It goes on to share why people living with TBIs are likely to encounter victimization - the list includes the use of undue force (which I covered last week when Gabe restrained Jesus), caregivers misperceptions about TBI leading to abuse or not believing us when we report abuse, or having to endure abuse “in return for” help with tasks of daily living.

Definitely. In just existing as a disabled person and talking to others who are, I can say that everybody I know who is disabled, has, at some point, been abused. (Usually, this is by a caregiver.) Another source I found on the maltreatment of children with disabilities states that:

“Children with disabilities may have increased vulnerability to abuse because...[they] may be perceived as less valuable than other children. Their reports may not be considered trustworthy. Discipline may be more punitive and accompanied by a lack of respect.”

So, I’ve Been Thinking and I Wanna Do My Senior Project By Myself/Well, You Can’t: Um. Wow, Mariana. Maybe you should have been honest with Jesus from the start about this.

Yes, this might have been a more timely conversation weeks ago. Although, it was really up to Moms and Drew to deliver this news to Jesus, so Mariana is not the only one to blame here.

I’m Gonna Talk to Drew Myself and See What He Says: You pretty much have to, Jesus. It’s the only way you’re guaranteed the truth.

But wait, if Jesus speaks to Drew all on his own, who will Drew look to if there is not a suitable nondisabled person present? <-- Sarcasm

Was This Emma’s Idea?/No. I Just Need to Prove That I Can Do Something on My Own: Of course, Jesus would feel strongly about this. His family doesn’t respect him as he is. It makes sense for him to feel like he has to prove his capability to get them to take him seriously. Nothing else is working.

Our society views productivity as the be-all and end-all. You go to school to produce meaningful work so that you can graduate and get a job, thus becoming a contributing member of society. You are useful and worthy then. Jesus feels like he needs to produce a meaningful senior project without help to be seen as useful and worthy again. And it doesn’t hurt that it might earn him points with Emma to distance himself from Mariana.

I Just Wanna Help/I Don’t Need Your Help/Well, We Do/So You Want Me To Go Live with Robert? Honestly, though, what else is Callie supposed to think? Moms are pretty much saying she is too much for them and they need backup to handle her.

Callie, We Love You But There is Only So Much That We Can Do For You: I guarantee you the only part of Lena’s sentence that Callie heard was “We love you, but...” which feels exactly like, “We don’t love you,” or “We used to love you, but don’t anymore.” (Please think about what you’re saying Moms, these words will stick.)

You Need to Decide Who You Want to Be Going Forward, Because This Girl is Not Acceptable: OMG talk about a back-to-back gut-punch! Jeez... What is Callie supposed to do with a statement like this? She is who she is. She can’t change who she is. She has had a ton of stuff happen to her before she ever came to Stef and Lena. That all impacts who she is and her decision making process.

This morning I read an article called 3 Reasons Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work With Kids From Trauma. Callie has lived months as an adopted child, as opposed to 7 years in foster care. She is in survival mode all the time, and completely shut down during Moms’ and Robert’s lecture.

I’ve heard similar remarks as an adoptee myself and that is exactly how they resonate. Moms’ words must feel like such a rejection.

After This Last Thing With Callie, I Just Don’t Know What To Do/I Know That Was So Awful For You. I’m So Sorry. How Can I Help? What Can I Do? This is probably a bit of a raw wound for me personally, because Stef absolutely needs and deserves comfort. But it feels so jarring to see this scene after the previous two with Moms and Callie.

Lena excused Stef’s anger at Callie in the car when Stef talked about how Callie could have been beaten or raped (she has experienced both in foster care, Stef.) Then the lecture. But we just don’t see that level of love and support for Callie herself. Nobody is asking Callie “How can I help?” or “What can I do?”

I Need You to Say You Can’t Help Unless It’s Both Our Projects, Because You Can’t Choose Sides: Mariana, I get that you are always at least 25 billion steps ahead, seeing every possible bad eventuality but you need to try to reign in this impulse to manipulate the adults in your world. Maybe talk about that in therapy? (But speaking of Kids Who Came From Trauma...pretty textbook behavior.)

(On the positive side, give Brandon Quinn all the points for the physical comedy of trying to put those jeans on! So funny!)

He’s Lucky I Didn’t Suspend Him/And You’re Lucky I Don’t Sue You. And The School: Yes, Lena! (Also how gross is that pro-privatization piece in the ABCC school paper?)

Portfolio?/Your Body of Work: I find it hard to believe that Callie would have zero idea of what a portfolio is, but maybe she doesn’t hang around a lot of art students?

Mariana Just Told Me That This Treehouse Project is Approved for Her and Not Jesus Because He Might Not Be a Senior Next Year? It was news to me, too, Gabe! I’ve literally been thinking (for months) that Mariana went in to support Jesus for his senior project. That it was his meeting. And that when it was not approved for him that was the end of it, but Mariana couldn’t let it go, so she lied and said it had to be both of their projects.

But Jesus Has No Idea, Right?/We Don’t Want to Frighten Him with All the What-Ifs/Keeping Things From Him Blew Up in a Pretty Big Way: I mean, Gabe’s not wrong...

Dean Bayfield: Well, hello, new neighbor. Looks like Stef’s a little tongue-tied around you...

When Do They Send the Paper to the Printer?/They Already Did/What If It Caught an Error and Sent a New File? Mariana Adams Foster...put that big, beautiful brain of yours to good use and be careful. (I’m so proud! But I’m so conflicted about being proud!)

Pick Up Your Senior Project/Toss It: This Girl Is Not Acceptable.

The Art Professor...is Gonna Let Me Audit Her Class and Help Me Put Together My Portfolio/That’s Amazing: This Mama Sandwich for Callie is so bittersweet because she looks so relieved that they still love her.

Do Think I’d Be Better at Scooping Ice Cream or Flipping Burgers?/That Depends. You’d Be So Bad at Both: OMG Callie! Hahahaha!

Maybe This Could Be My Still Life. I’m Salty, Right? Why would she want to find an object that defines her if the girl she is is not acceptable? No wonder she is struggling so hard with this.

I Used to Blow Dry My Hair Straight, Too, Mariana. It’s Called Time-Management: These are the moments that I love. Because Mariana’s hair is not a lost issue, and Lena remains supportive about it, giving Mariana advice from her own experience.

We Have 5 Teenagers/Oh God Bless You! We Just Have the One: Hahaha! I love Theresa!

A Good Basic Case With All the Essentials: Can’t go to art school without supplies!

The Article Doesn’t Appear to Quote You or Anyone on the Administration. It’s Just One Kid’s Opinion, Right? OMG Lena, I love you! Also, check out the screencap Tara got of the article in the Sea Breeze! Love that it cites IDEA and points out what this article says, in part, which is “ If the private...school does not accept any federal funding, then the school is not required to provide accommodations” to students with disabilities.

What Did You Bring to Sketch?/I Think I’m Just Gonna Sketch My New Art Set: Because nothing says Callie like an art set you got 10 minutes ago... :(

Grace! Are You Okay? Are You Hurt? Why Are You Handcuffed to the Bed?! Brandon, your reaction to Grace here was, hands down, my favorite part of the episode. You give me hope for humanity in this moment.

Otherwise, Why Would You Be Here? I also love Ximena! There is such a shortage of positive female friendships depicted on TV that I would love to see Callie and Ximena develop one. But it looks like Ximena’s complimentary question to Callie isn’t sitting quite right...

It’s For This Foster Family That Has, Like 12 Kids. Some of Them Are Special Needs: First of all, it seems illegal that one family would have 12 foster kids at once? And secondly? Pretty much no one in the disability community likes the term ‘special needs.’

Since I Got This TBI, People Treat Me Like I’M Special Needs: So revealing there, Jesus. I always say, the hardest part about being disabled isn’t the disability, it’s the way we’re treated as inferior. I imagine that dealing with a sudden disability as Jesus is, that feeling is even stronger. (And I can’t shake the feeling that the ‘people’ Jesus is referring to is his family. And honestly, nobody should be treated like they’re less when they’re disabled, especially by family. It’s bad enough to experience it in general society.)

Having a brain injury is not a bad thing, but it does take some adjustment. The way Jesus says, “People treat me like I am special needs” is revealing, as Tonia pointed out. People treat him like a pile of unreasonable demands - like a list of symptoms - instead of as a human being who has a brain injury.

Talk to Your Moms/All They Do is Lie to Me and Keep Secrets. They Aren’t Going to Tell Me. So, What Is It? I can’t say I wouldn’t be making the same call Gabe ends up making here...and so far, Gabe is one person whose ableism is at a minimum, and Jesus feels that. He feels respected by Gabe. His experience with Moms post-TBI has been that they treat him as less now. They have lied to him and he doesn’t need anymore of that. He’s out of the woods, healthwise, he doesn’t need to be ‘protected’ in this manner.

No Longer Funding Any Junior Student’s Senior Projects: Of course you aren’t, Drew...

Did You Talk to My Father? Robert Quinn? Oh Lordy, this isn’t gonna end well, is it? How humiliating for Callie. Like she needs Robert calling in favors for her to get to audit art school class...

I’m Not Gonna Be a Senior Next Year?/We Don’t Know That, Jesus: Now Jesus knows, and Stef still won’t give him a straight answer? Really? At least tell him what you DO know...

Also, inquiring minds would like to know what IS happening with regard to Jesus and school? Stef and Lena are both back at work and Jesus is home all day, talking to Gabe as he builds the treehouse. Lena’s an educator. School is always on this family’s radar. Even if Jesus isn’t ready for full days, I’d think a teacher coming to the house for a bit wouldn’t be out of the question. But school hasn’t even been mentioned by Moms except to say that Jesus is missing a lot, and taking Drew of all people as the expert on post-brain-injury reentry to school.

Jesus, I Need You To Calm Down/No, I Am Not Going To Calm Down/Then You Can Go To Your Room Until You Are Willing To Listen To Me. Now:

In my opinion, Jesus is not out of bounds or out of control here. He has a right to be upset, but Stef sends him away. (Instead of sending Gabe and/or Mariana away so she can have a private conversation with Jesus.) She tells him to leave until he is willing to listen to her - but Stef is in no way willing to be around his feelings in this moment.

Too often, disabled people are expected to “be nice” in the face of ableism. And let’s be clear, not telling Jesus about what is going on with his schooling is ableism. Dismissing Jesus’s current upset? Also ableism.

If any of the other kids found out Moms withheld information for weeks about them possibly not being promoted a grade, upset would be an expected reaction. In Jesus’s case, it is not justified in Mom’s eyes.

I’m Not Going Up There With Him! Did You See What He Did to Brandon’s Room? What If He Takes a Baseball Bat to My Head? Kids learn ableism from their parents...and Stef doesn’t refute Mariana here... So harmful. (And also - if Mariana isn’t comfortable going upstairs, the least Stef could do is tell her to go to the living room or something. Anything so she is not right there when Stef tells Gabe that if he can’t respect Stef and Lena’s authority as the twins’ parents, he’ll have to leave. Awkward. And not a conversation for one of the kids to overhear.)

Is This a Bad Time?/Jesus is Up in His Room and I’m Sure He Would Love to See You Right About Now: Um... If Jesus is supposed to be being punished or taking a break or whatever, why would you send Emma up there? (But I have a pretty good idea why. Disability as a Plot Device, anyone? Because up until now, Emma was the only person who wasn’t fearful of Jesus. The choice to send her up there just to witness Jesus throwing things is a conscious choice to continue his ostracization and isolation. To make sure he has no one to turn to or lean on.

Notice how this “outburst” comes immediately after being dismissed.

Also, here is another example of how traditional parenting does not work on kids with traumatic backgrounds. And a Traumatic Brain Injury is yet another trauma for Jesus to juggle, in addition to his unstable infancy and childhood (until age 8). Sending Jesus to his room just drives home the fact that he, like Callie, is seen as unacceptable now.

I Wish I Had Somewhere to Unleash My Beast/You Do. Your Art: Jesus, do you hear this? You and Callie could totally channel all your feelings into art. That’s what it’s there for, and you’re both good at it. (I’d actually really like to see this!)

How Did Your Job Interview Go?/I Was Late So I Probably Didn’t Make a Great First Impression: Yeah, like when your girlfriend calls you with fake emergencies when she KNOWS you have a job interview soon...

Pretty Sure She Was Trying to Have Sex With You/Oh, My God: I loved this! Rang so true to me that the adopted kid would totally get what Grace was trying to do with Brandon while Brandon remained innocently oblivious...

I Wanna Try to Be a Senior Next Year, Even If That Means I Have to Go to Summer School/Honey, That’s Really Great to Hear, But Your Senior Project Will Have to Wait Until Then: Okay but Jesus literally did not say anything about his senior project. He’s talking about his education right now. Why does no one take him seriously? (Oh wait, I know...)

“That’s really great to hear.” What does that even mean? “That’s really great to hear that you still desire and value an education even though you have a brain injury?”

It sounds as if that was Lena’s way of possibly skirting the education conversation.

Because I Got Mad? Are You Punishing Me? Of course, it feels like a punishment.

Drew’s Not Funding Any Senior Projects by Juniors/You’re Lying: Moms, remember Stef’s brilliant take on ‘trust has to be earned?’ I feel like it’s time to work on starting to earn Jesus’s. Because right now, he can’t trust anything you say, and why should he?

Also, I’m pretty sure Monte said last episode that Drew isn’t the principal because she hasn’t yet resigned. So...why is the vote invalid but his word about Jesus’s senior project like signed, sealed and notarized by a judge?)

I Could Probably Get Jesus’s Uncle to Donate/Birth Uncle: This is interesting, because we watched this episode with a friend who adopted her daughter. And she specifically commented on this scene. Said she never corrects her daughter when she wonders about her birth mother. And she felt it was out of place for Moms to correct Gabe here.

I Do Wanna Keep My Senior Project/We Took It to the Dumpster Already: Ouch, Callie :(

I Didn’t Give Her Any Money, I Just Asked Her to Give You a Chance, But Only If She Believes in You, Which, Obviously, She Does/You Don’t: Bam. It’s truth time, by Callie. And that really is what Robert’s actions communicated. Instead of helping with her or giving her advice on what to do next, he went behind her back and appealed to the teacher’s pity, and that never feels good.

I Know You All Think That I’m Unacceptable/That’s Not What We Meant/It’s What You Said: Right, Callie? And no matter how many other times she is affirmed, those words will be inside her, challenging the love she’s shown. It’s this thing: anger resonates as the “truest” feeling, while love feels forced. It’s hard to explain...

When You First Met Me You Told Me I Wasn’t Disposable and I’m Really Trying to Believe That: We keep track of every single word.

We Don’t Want You to Throw Away Your Past, We Just Want You to Stop Repeating It: But that might not be entirely in Callie’s control. How often do we rehash or recreate an aspect of our past in an effort to work through it, or because it feels familiar and that feels safe? Moms want Callie to feel safe, but safe is new. And it’s going to take some getting used to. (Also I’m really glad Lena rescued Callie’s senior project from gettting thrown away.)

So, I’m Not Going to See You Before You Go?/I’m Sorry/I Love--: Emma’s pulling away so hard and fast. This sucks.

I really hope that this whole Aggression Is A Symptom storyline does not end up Teaching Jesus A Lesson.

Did Mamas Talk to You About The Treehouse?/I’m Gonna Ask Emma to Do It With Me...If That’s Okay: Ugh, and the twins aren’t getting along still. And at this point it seems like working with Emma on the treehouse this year or next is gonna be a bust...

Not being able to connect after an injury is a thing, and I appreciate that it is being depicted. To add to Tonia’s comment about Emma, we don’t know what is going to happen with them. He is trying to make things work with his girlfriend while putting Mariana in her place. We will have to see what happens...

I Guess I Shouldn’t Have Read Fifty Shades of Grey: Oh, Grace, what a terrible book!

I Don’t Know Where The Keys Are. I Think They’re Over Here/Okay, I’m Coming: Hahaha! Don’t play with handcuffs, Brandon and Grace...or Stef will have to come unlock you...and wouldn’t that be embarrassing?

Fearless: I love Callie showing Ximena her necklace from her mom as her object for her Still Life and I love Ximena’s reaction to it!

Tess/Oh, My God! Stef! So, I was in the shower, the morning after this aired, and it occurred to me. The thing that everybody already knows about who Tess is. But in case someone hasn’t made the connection. I realized Tess was Stef’s high school friend who she was cuddling and got caught by Stef’s dad. Also the reason Stef was sent by her dad to see a priest, who told her being gay was a sin (episode 1x06, I believe.)

For more: Fosters Recaps

10 notes · View notes

jbuffyangel · 8 years ago

Text

The Road to Redemption: Arrow 5x11 Review (Second Chances)

Arrow introduced Tina Boland tonight, the new BC, and while we didn't hit a lot of thematic new ground with her character, they set up an interesting juxtaposition between her, Oliver, Felicity and the road one takes to redemption.

My reference to the three characters in no way means that I see a love triangle. Sometimes I'm gonna have to write their names all together in a sentence.

Let's dig in...

Oliver Queen/Talia Al Ghul

Oliver's identity crisis is one we've been navigating for a long time. This concept of two selves, the light and the dark, the man and the monster, the hood and Oliver Queen, is one Arrow continues to examine to an almost exhaustive level, but there is light at the end of this tunnel. Literal light. Arrow addressed it in a way they never have before. Perhaps their most poetically by, of course, Talia Al Ghul.

I am in love with Talia Al Ghul. It happened in an instant. Well, it happened the minute she nearly snapped Oliver's arm like a twig. Any woman who can kick Flashback Ollie's ass is a woman I can get behind.

She reminds me of a black panther. Sleek, cool and lethal. Yet, like her sister, there's a warmth there. Something honorable. Something trustworthy. She has to be. Talia Al Ghul trained Yao Fei.

This reveal was probably one of the cooler reveals than I remember in a long time. Didn't see it coming. Absolutely love it. If we are closing the loop on the flashbacks this season, then they need to circle back to Season 1. They need to find their way back to Yao Fei. To the honorable man who saved Oliver Queen's life.

God I miss Yao Fei.

So what was that salvation for? Talia proves she's a super spy by breaking down Oliver's last five years: Lian Yu, Hong King, the Omega virus, Shadowspire and now... The Bratva. Yup, that about sums up the flashbacks! Talia believes Oliver survived to become more than a Russian gangster. Oliver argues he's here for a good reason. He's honoring a promise. He's here for revenge.

So, Talia calls his bluff. She presents Oliver a file. Yurievich is integral to Kovar's operations. He also traffics in young girls. If they take him down, they cripple Kovar's organization. The money flow slows considerably. Talia and Oliver track this man down and take down his crew. Talia leaves Yurievich to Oliver. He sits in a limo with him and Yurievich begs for his life. Oliver makes an incredibly dark decision. Not the killing. We knew he was going to do that and I'm not losing sleep over this guy. No, it was how Oliver chose to kill him. Instead of shooting Yurievich point blank, he beats him to death with the butt of the gun. Oliver didn't just want to kill Yurievich. Oliver wanted to feel the life slip from him with his hands.

When they return to Talia's lair (She's Talia Al Ghul. We're calling it a lair.) Oliver's face is covered in blood. It's almost like a... mask.

It seems like the villains of the world always manage to find Oliver Queen or is he finding them? Talia feels it's Door B and she puts it to Oliver bluntly. Why is he chasing monsters a thousand miles from home when there are monsters in Starling City? His father left a freaking road map to them. All he has to do is START.

Oliver can't. He pretends that this is all about avenging Whatshername, but come on, she is at best a distant memory by now. At least to me she is. I mean really... I barely remember her. I have to remind myself she happened.

Off topic, Jen. Focus.

Talia keeps pushing. Oliver had the chance to go home and he turned it down. WHY? And Oliver, finally, admits the truth. He's no longer the man his father raised. Oliver cannot his father's wishes because he doesn't feel honorable. He's not worthy. He's a monster.

Talia's response? Exactly.

The truth is, before Oliver left for Lian Yu he wasn't an honorable man. That darkness was there. It simply manifested itself in a different way.

We all have light and dark in us. We all feel that pull between right and wrong, good and evil. These past five years simply exacerbated that feeling in Oliver. It heightened the separation he feels. Everything Oliver survived created a schism within him. It deepened the divide. The darkness grew wider and deeper, until it felt like it was going to swallow Oliver whole.

Talia tells Oliver to use the monster. Don't run from him. Face him. Talia offers Oliver the hood. This is Oliver's path to redemption.

Talia offers Oliver the suit. This is Oliver's path to forgiveness.

Talia offers Oliver the bow. This is Oliver's second chance.

Channel that darkness into something else... into someone else... and then he'll be free to be Oliver Queen.

Oliver is drowning. He's been drowning from the minute that boat capsized and every second, of every day, has been a battle to breathe.

He doesn't know how to cope with the loss, the survivor's guilt, the horrors of what he's had to do, and who he's had to become, just to make it from one day to the next.

Talia Al Ghul isn't just teaching Oliver how to fight. She isn't just teaching Oliver how to beat the Kovar. Talia is teaching him how to survive. He puts on the hood, takes the bow, and suddenly it's easier to breathe.

It's not living, but it's a start. Living? That comes later. Living comes now. The camera cuts from the shot of Oliver, cloaked in the hood and surrounded by darkness,

to present day Oliver.

There's no hood. He stands in his office, a mayor watching over his city. He is an honorable man now. The man his father raised... the man his father always hoped he'd be... or at least he almost is. He's just Oliver Queen and he's bathed in light.

"There is more than one path to justice."

Oliver said that to Felicity when he was considering taking another path and becoming Ra's Al Ghul. Oliver took that path for altruistic reasons, but the darkness almost swallowed him whole in the process.

Still, he was right. There is more than one road to take. Justice can come in many forms. There can be expedient ways to justice. Moral shortcuts, if you will. You can even rationalize and tell yourself these moral shortcuts are necessary. They serve the greater good. But what justice can you truly achieve when those actions eventually do more harm than good?

There's only one path to redemption and that's what second chances are about. There are no shortcuts, I'm afraid. It's a long and difficult road, but it's bathed in light. You hold to a moral line and demand better of yourself. You must accept what is lost, what can never be changed, and you must forgive yourself for it. But every honorable choice, every sacrifice, every truth, every loving devotion, every hopeful conviction, illuminates your way. And suddenly you're not just surviving anymore. You're living.

There's still blood on Oliver's hands. There's still blood on Oliver's face. He so desperately wants to be washed cleaned. It's not just about what happened those five years he was away. It's about the moments he's failed as The Hood. It's about the moments he's failed as Oliver Queen.

Oliver is seeking redemption in three distinct ways this season.

First, for Prometheus. It is Oliver's actions as The Hood that created Prometheus. The path to justice Oliver chose in Season 1, and in truth in this flashback, is one that ultimately created more darkness. The Hood's killing created a killer.

Even though Oliver has adapted the "kill or be killed" attitude again (when necessary), the knowledge he had a hand in creating Prometheus (and what that led to) haunts him.

Billy's death is causing Oliver to question if he's really the monster Prometheus says he is, doomed to destroy everyone he loves with his darkness. He's wondering if the hood enough. This mechanism Talia Al Ghul presented to him to survive the pain, to channel the darkness, does it need to become something more?

From the moment Oliver came home,

every second,

of every day,

has been about learning how to live again. Every season we've seen the schism inside Oliver grow. Only it's not the darkness that's deepening and widening. It's the light. Maybe it's not Oliver Queen who needs the hood. Maybe the hood needs Oliver Queen.

The second is Felicity.

The person who hurt Felicity Smoak the worst is the person who loves her most. Oliver knows that. He knows his lies destroyed them. He knows that his need to "go it alone" shattered open the worst fears Felicity has about him... and about love itself.

Sure, Oliver is attempting to move on with Susan. On the surface she seems like Oliver's second chance at love.

But we all know this woman is Oliver's jello.

If Oliver is being really honest, true redemption, can only be found with Felicity. Oliver wants the second chance to be her always. He said it in the damn vows.

Part of being worthy is showing change through action, even when you believe that "chance" will never come. We've seen a more honest Oliver

a more hopeful and optimistic Oliver.

We've seen a more dependant Oliver. He's no longer a man going it alone.

Oliver has done all of this without any hope that Felicity will ever give him a second chance. And that's why he'll deserve one.

Now that Oliver has taken all of these steps of becoming the man Felicity always deserved he'll be ready to be the man she needs. Felicity is going down a dark path and Oliver will help her find way back to the light. Ultimately, their paths to redemption will merge.

The third is Laurel.

As Oliver expressed in 5x10, he feels intense guilt for Laurel's death. However, Oliver's blind commitment to Saint Laurel points to an even deeper guilt. The truth is, Oliver never wanted Laurel to become BC.

He never took an interest in her training because he never wanted her in the field. He fought her every step of the way. She had to fight tooth and nail to be on the team. Laurel had to fight tooth and nail for Oliver's acceptance. So, now Oliver wonders, what if I trained her? What if I accepted her sooner? Would that have saved her?

There's an emotional component to Saint Laurel. The truth is, Laurel was never as important to Oliver as he was to her. And Oliver knows it.

He never loved Laurel the way she loved him. In fact, Oliver has shown Laurel more love and attention in death than he ever did in life. (Shout out to my girl @thenerddess for this golden gem of a comment.)

Now, Oliver remembers Laurel as this holier than thou, ninja super warrior, beacon of heroism and light. It's someone she never truly was. Partly because Arrow didn't want to spend the screen time on her. Hazards of being super done with a character. Partly because Arrow needs Laurel's death to serve a greater purpose and to drive Oliver to be better like Tommy did. That's the point of death in a hero's story. But mostly because Oliver feels guilty. Oliver remembers Laurel as "more" so he can that ignore all the times he treated her as "less."

Luckily, Laurel is the easiest road to redemption because she gave Oliver the clear path to it:

He simply needs to follow it.

Tina doesn't make it easy on Oliver. In fact, she's pretty resistant to any help or even the concept of vigilantism. Two moments struck me. First, when Tina is about to shoot Vince's murderer, Sonus. Oliver gives Tina the old, "Do what I say and not what I do" routine. Oliver is a killer. In fact, Oliver is a killer RIGHT NOW. He's embraced that path to justice again. His words that, "maybe it's too late for him" don't hold much weight with Tina. It's not enough for her. Then, Oliver pushes her over the edge with, "What would Vince want?"

She shoots Sonus. Not gonna lie, it was pretty bad ass.

Tina reacted the exact same way Oliver reacted to Yurievich.

This is a clear signal that it's no longer enough for Oliver to say, "I'm dark and that's the way it is. It's too late for me." If he wants to have a real impact on people, if he wants to build a legacy, then he has to be more. Oliver has to be better. Channeling the darkness into something else isn't enough anymore. The hood has to be channeled into light now. And that's where Oliver Queen comes in.

It's why the final scene takes place with Tina in Oliver's mayoral office. Killing Sonus didn't take the pain away. Tina is still drowning. So, Oliver offers her the same path to survival that Talia gave him. A new persona. She needs to channel that darkness into something else. It'll help her survive until she's ready to live again.

Oliver doesn't have the answers for her yet on living. He's still working that out himself, but he does know it helps not to be alone.

Wasn't that the first step for Oliver? Learning, bit by bit, that he wasn't alone? Oliver knows, better than anyone else, that when you've been to the Island, you need a place to come home to. That's what Diggle and Felicity gave him. It's the gift they keep giving to him. Oliver offers Tina the same refuge Diggle and Felicity offered him.

That's what Team Arrow is.

It's not being alone.

It's friendship and family.

It's finding home again.

It's learning to live with pain.

It's a second chance.

That's the legacy Oliver, Diggle and Felicity are building.

"I hated Sonus for killing Vince, but I hated myself more for not being able to save him."

Oliver has been searching for redemption for Laurel, but he's been looking in all the wrong places. It's not about the cry, or the punches, or the motorcycle, or the black leather jacket or even the name. It's sure as hell not about Bl*ck S*ren. It's about this single line. Tina feels the same guilt for Vince that Oliver feels for Laurel. That's why he's able to recognize Tina as his second chance FOR LAUREL.

No, I don't believe this was remotely romantic.

It certainly didn't hurt that Stephen stood about 50 feet away from Juliana in any given scene. It actually started to get a little funny after awhile.

Mustn't get too close. DON'T ANGER THE SHIPPERS.

Good instinct Steve. Keep rolling with that.

This line relates specifically to the guilt Oliver is carrying over Laurel. This is about partnership. It's about honoring a friend he couldn't save, a woman he never loved the way she deserved. Oliver realizing who and what his second chances are will come slowly this season. Tina was the first because she was the easiest and the most obvious. Prometheus and Felicity will take more work. And Felicity is always the last piece to this puzzle. Not the first.

Oliver tried to live in the light in Season 4. As much as he succeed, Oliver also believes he failed. After losing Felicity,

Laurel's death

and killing Darhk,

Oliver simply accepted the darkness is who he is. It was too late for him.

While he accepts there is light within him, it can never bridge the schism between dark. Not completely. Slowly, Oliver is realizing it's not too late, especially after he fails. He can do things differently. He can be better. He can make a difference. Bit by bit, Oliver is putting all the pieces together. He still has other roads to redemption he must walk with Prometheus and Felicity, but Oliver's realization that those second chances exist is coming. Give it time.

Felicity Smoak

Dark Felicity arc kicks off and boy is it good. What I love about this evolution with Felicity is that it is completely in character. It makes absolute sense Felicity would return to her hacktivist roots, especially after Billy's death.

Felicity, blames Prometheus for Billy's death, that is clear. It's also clear she doesn't blame Oliver. However, what Felicity is not admitting to is that she blames herself. She feels it is her vigilante life that put Billy in the crosshairs and she was powerless to save him.

This is all about a loss of control for Felicity. Her boyfriend Cooper committed suicide and then went all evil,

Oliver died,

Ray died,

she was shot

& paralyzed,

she was forced to drop a nuke on Havenrock,

Billy died (seriously stop killing Felicity's boyfriends Arrow),

her father abandoned her not once, but twice,

and Oliver lied to her and broke her heart.

She was powerless to stop all of it. So, Felicity is taking control back. She's taking power back. She will not stand back and let those she loves get hurt. She will not allow anyone else to hurt her. In fact, she's going to be the one doling out some pain for a change.

The path to darkness is a slippery slope. It starts off slow, but pretty soon, you are zipping so fast down that slide you don't know what happened. Felicity's slip starts with Diggle. It's particularly genius that it begins with Diggle because nobody even blinks twice about Felicity breaking some significantly massive laws to free Diggle. Hack the NSA? Sure? IT’S DIGGLE!!! There's some light banter about the amount of federal laws she's breaking

and Felicity jokes that Oliver can pardon her as the mayor. He actually pauses at this and reflects on the fact that no... he really freaking can't.

Oliver begins to worry about the risk Felicity is exposing herself to, but she quickly shuts him down because she is happily hacking away.

This is a classic Felicity Smoak coping mechanism. When the going gets tough, Felicity gets hacking. She works.

She runs to the security and safety of her computer, where she feels she has control again.

It allows her to bury her emotions and not face the pain. She’s done it time and time again.

Unfortunately, the video Felicity needs to exonerate Diggle disappears and she gets an unlikely offer of help from the dark web. So, she sets up a meet, bringing Rory along, who really isn't much help without his rags. Were they in the trunk or something? The good news is this fellow hacker isn't a bad guy (per say). The better news is she's a Felicity Smoak Fangirl.

I feel like we should give her a "Welcome to the Club" plague or something. Maybe a complimentary breakfast at Denny's. I'm open to suggestions.

Anyway, Kojo Sledgehammer (just kidding, it got better) loses all chill upon meeting Felicity Smoak. I've never related to a character on television more. She's basically mini Felicity. It's adorable. It's awkward. It's fabulous. Although, the admiration for Felicity's bad ass hacktivist past quickly morphs into admonishment for her lack of contribution.

Kojo Sledgehammer believes if Felicity was doing anything worth knowing about... then she would know about it. Instead, she became an "IT Support player.” After being fired from Palmer Tech, Kojo thought Felicity would... , so I screamed, "START HER OWN COMPANY!" to be helpful. Probably not what Kojo had in mind, but it's where we're headed.

Kojo is part of her own hacktivist group, Helix. They hacked the NSA and scooped up all kinds of interesting data, including the video exonerating John Diggle. Kojo gives Felicity "Pandora" as an invitation to get back to her hacktivist roots.

And away we go.

Felicity is thrilled to tell Oliver about their "good news."

It's so rare they get a clean win like this.

Yeah... that's the point. It's not a clean win at all.

When Oliver presses Felicity, if there's anything he should know... she brushes it off. Yet, there is a hesitation. Felicity knows she should tell Oliver about the other data collected. She knows she should tell him about Kojo Sledgehammer. She knows she should tell him about Helix. But she doesn't.

This relates directly to their fights in 5x10. Oliver disagreed with Felicity's methods then too, but she refused to back down. Felicity wants control back and she's not going to ask Oliver's permission.

That said, there is a lot of really amazing potential in this Helix storyline for Felicity's future. Felicity inspired Kojo the way Oliver inspired Felicity. It's her own legacy and it doesn't have anything to do with Oliver. However, "Helix" will be the darker version of "making a difference." Eventually, Felicity will lead Kojo to a better path to justice too. That's what Smoak Technologies is about. That's Felicity's path to redemption after her dark arc is over. That and Team Arrow.

We cannot ignore the significance of the name Pandora. Everyone has heard the Greek myth of "Pandora's Box" right? For those, who haven't allow me to give you a quick rundown. There's a few versions, with a few differences as is always the case in Greek myths, but I'll try to stick to the high level stuff.

Pandora was the first human. She had many gifts given to her by the Gods, but one was curiosity. She opened a jar or box containing death and other evils and released it upon the world. She hastened to close the box , but all the contents escaped except for one...

Hope.

So, these files Felicity has is bad stuff. It seems highly likely Felicity is going to release the information. The temptation to fight fire with fire is too great.

Even though she knows her hacktivist roots led to bad things for herself and the world,

Felicity cannot fight the temptation to return to it.

Back then she felt powerful. Back then she felt in control. Like Pandora opening the jar, this is an act of defiance. Not against the Gods, but against the universe. Against all the pain, loss and evil inflicted upon her.

However, Felicity cannot see the evil Pandora will unleash. In the end, Oliver will be the hope that Felicity finds after she releases Pandora and the darkness spins out of control. He will help her find the path to redemption, her second chance, just as Felicity will be Oliver's. All roads lead back to one another.

Prometheus

Okay, so the Pandora mythology I knew cold. However, @callistawolf tipped me off to the Prometheus connection, so I did a little research.

Prometheus was a Titan charged with creating human kind. Prometheus was a trickster and grew displeased that the Gods had more than man, so he stole fire from Zeus. (It is always a supremely bad idea to piss off the Gods). So, Zeus ordered the God of Fire Hephaestus to create Pandora, the first human. Zeus gifted Pandora the jar from which she would unleash all the world's evils, to punish man and Prometheus for his betrayal.

Felicity can’t see she is a pawn in a much larger game.

So, it feels like a logical leap that Prometheus is behind all of this. Perhaps he's behind Helix. In any event, Prometheus' goal isn't to kill Oliver... it's to destroy Oliver. What better way to destroy Oliver than to turn the woman he loves into the darkest version of herself? To not only obliterate her light, but to make Oliver feel responsible for destroying what makes Felicity Felicity. Remember, Billy knocked down Felicity's house of cards... and Oliver killed Billy. What better way to show Oliver his darkness only destroys those he loves?

There's one more piece to this and I cannot claim credit. I read this fantastic theory and I think it has teeth. Big ones. So, I did a little more research. The reason why Prometheus stole fire from Zeus is because his young brother Epimetheus also was charged with making earthly creations. He made animals, while Prometheus made humans. Epimetheus' gave all of Zeus’ gifts to the animals and there was nothing left for the humans. They were shivering and starving. So, Prometheus asked Zeus for the gift of fire, but Zeus refused. Angry, Prometheus stole fire from Zeus to help the humans, even though he knew it would enrage him.

Yes, Zeus was angry and he got his revenge. The jar was a wedding gift to Pandara from Zeus. Who was she marrying? Prometheus' foolish younger brother, Epimetheus. Prometheus warned Epimetheus not to trust any gifts from Zeus. He warned his brother not to marry Pandora, but Epimetheus loved her and ignored his brothers wishes. As a result, all of humanity paid for Epimetheus' (and Pandora’s) sins.

Sounding familiar? It should.

Pandora = Felicity

Epimetheus = Oliver

Prometheus = ????

The key take away from Pandora's story is that hope is not lost when she opens the box and Epimetheus loved her regardless of her mistake. Oliver will help Felicity find hope again and he will love her no matter what.

Back to this amazing theory.

It begs the question who is Prometheus? If Oliver is Epimetheus then it stands to reason that Prometheus is someone very close to Oliver. Someone Oliver knows very well. Almost like a brother. Of course, we know he’s not John Diggle. There's only one other man who was like a brother to Oliver Queen. Someone who’s a brother to his sister. Someone who goes back all the way to Season 1.

Tommy Merlyn.

Fingers crossed they are right because it’d be AWESOME.

Olicity

Oliver and Felicity were busy with their own separate projects for most of the episode, but they did come together at the end. It felt like a return to home base.

Oliver immediately softens when he sees Felicity. His voice is gentle, there's a warmth in his eyes, his shoulders relax. He's more at ease simply by her presence.

Felicity is excited and happy.

She's having the first good day in a long time and she wants to share it with Oliver. They are only a few feet apart, and Felicity lets her finger touch Oliver's hand.

Is it a small moment? Yes, but every moment counts in a rebuild. This is love. This is what two characters who are building towards a romance look like. We’ve seen what it looks like when Arrow hard stops on a relationship and turns to another one. It doesn’t look like this.

Something else struck me.

Oliver and Tina's final shot was framed very similar to an Olicity scene in 5x05.

It's not exact of course. There isn't the intense lighting focus on Oliver and Tina like there was with Oliver and Olicity. One shot is looking out the window, the other is looking in. Personally, I think the inward shot gives a more intimate feel, but that’s just me. However, the striking difference is, of course, the dialogue.

"I think she'd be proud of us."

Again, a reference to Laurel and being proud they are carrying on her legacy. I'll even be generous and toss in the, "Maybe you're my second chance" and put it in a romantic context. The big problem with that line? MAYBE.

Not exactly a confidence inspiring word. As for Oliver and Felicity....

“It’s a mortal lock.”

Mortal lock means a guaranteed winner, even though it's just a flip of the coin. It's what gamblers use to describe a sure thing even if it’s a 50/50 chance.

So, we have "mortal lock" versus, at best, "maybe." If you were a betting person, which one would you choose?

I’m going with mortal lock.

Tina Boland

I thought Juliana Harvay did a wonderful job. She has some comedic timing with those biting remarks and her physicality as an exceptional fighter is absolutely believable. Juliana played Tina like a raw nerve exposed. She was almost like a wild animal, her rage was so palpable. It's another reason I didn't get any romance vibes. That's simply not the headspace Tina is in. She was incredibly guarded because she's still deeply grieving the loss of Vince.

What I loved most about Tina was the origin of her canary cry. The particle accelerator's energy engulfed her the instant of Vince's death, as she watched screaming.

Her canary cry is the scream of grief. It is the physical manifestation of her pain. A permanent reminder of what she lost and why she fights. It's freaking genius. It sure as hell makes more sense to me than LL's or BS's cry ever did.

Unfortunately, we're not hitting a lot of thematic new ground with her character. As my soul sister Jenn said, "We've repeated Oliver trying to save a woman from herself to forge his own path of redemption over and over." True statement.

We've seen this storyline before, primarily with Sara. Heck, we're even diving into it a bit with Felicity now. That said, this is a tried and true formula of the hero mythology. Don't think we'll ever be rid of it. The upside? She's a guest star, so I don't think we'll be digging too much deeper into this. I think this was Tina's "Island ep" and now it's about getting her up and running on Team Arrow. That said, I don't mind I am getting more Sara vibes from Tina than Laurel. That's the Canary they should be patterning her after.

So... let's talk about the name. No, I don't think because Tina's real name is Dina* Dr*ke means she and Oliver are headed towards romance. If the name Din*h really carried that level of significance, Arrow would have never strayed from Laurel and Oliver. Love stories are more than names. They are more than "comic canon." Arrow has proven that time and again.

I do believe, however, it's heading the #NoL&urelNoArrow haters off at the pass. I think Arrow would love for Tina to be a success and they are giving her the best chance possible. One of the chief complaints was that Tina doesn't have the name Din*h. Well, the writers sure called that play correctly. If you make a list of all the complaints about Laurel's BC, especially in the early days, it was:

1. No meta canary cry.

2. BC is suppose to be as strong of a fighter, if not stronger, than Green Arrow.

3. They don't call her Dinah.

4. 95 character inconsistencies that drive us all up the wall.

It's like the Arrow writers are just ticking off their "Bitch List" so they don't have to hear it anymore. (They couldn’t fix #4. That’s why they killed LL & started over). This is what Arrow always does with BC fans. They toss these crumbs at them.

Fanservice: In general, fan service refers to scenes designed to excite or titillate the viewer. Basically, if it has little plot-redeeming value, but makes the viewer sit up and take notice, it's probably fan service in one form or another.

I think we have a winner. This is the very definition of fanservice. Her name doesn't actually impact the plot. But if we're going to argue "comic canon" then okay, I'll play.

How many iterations of BC are there? 343? I can't keep track. I had a quick crash course on Din*h Dr*ke via Twitter (thanks peeps!). Din*h Dr*ke was Din*h L*urel L*nce's mother. The original ORIGINAL Canary. She marries Larry Lance and pops out a kid (Din*h L*urel L*nce). There's some storyline where Din*h puts her memories into Laurel while she's a baby in stasis but honestly they lost me at "baby stasis."

Bottom line? Arrow managed to dig up the one version of Dinah that Oliver doesn't have a romantic history with.

I think. I didn’t actually care enough about the “cause comics” reason to delve any further than a 15 second Twiter convo. Mostly because it was never a reason for LL. It won’t be a reason for Tina.

Is any of this a guarantee? No, but as usual, I let the show be my guide. I really didn't see anything you guys. Honest. I was looking and trying VERY hard to be objective. All I hear when Rory talks "destiny" is that this is Tina's mantle to own. Not that she's destined to be another Canary in a long line of Canaries Oliver has banged. Arrow went through pains tonight to draw a stark line between partnership and romance. It was all business. Any emotional connection was related to pain, the Island, grief, fighting the darkness, but y’all THAT’S THE SHOW. Everyone has that with Oliver! They might as well put “Went through personal hell aka “my island” on a job application and start putting openings for Team Arrow on Monster.com. (Those who do not call it their island need not apply.) Hell, they made a point of bringing up RORY’S emotional connection with Oliver to draw a comparison to Tina versus Evelyn. I don’t think Rory and Oliver will be hitting the sheets anytime soon, but ya never know. Honestly, if you typed up a scene with Oliver & Diggle, removed the names so no one knew who was talking, I think THEIR scenes would sound more romantic than Tina and Oliver’s did tonight. Pick any Diggle & Oliver scene EVER really.

Listen, I'm not a totally blind shipper. I realized when Elena told Damon in the S3 finale that she "never unfell" for Stefan, that would be happen in Season 4. Especially, after the flashback where Elena met Damon first. I knew Stelena was screwed.

I recognized the second Buffy moved to another network the chances for any real reunion with Angel were nonexistent.

It was also painfully obvious around S4 she was going to sleep with Spike (which didn’t happen until S6).

I can accept reality. If I see romance developing between these two I will say something, but I did not see it in this episode. AT ALL. Nor do I think we will. You can argue with me, although I probably won’t argue back. Scream with rage because you find me impossibly naive. I’m cool with it. I thunk my thoughts and that’s what I think.

Stray Thoughts

It's time to start a #BringBackThea campaign. What'd they do? Stick her in some conference room in Hub City? This is criminally negligent.

We could also break Lance out of rehab. He's had ample time to get back on the wagon.

I thought a Delicity storyline like NSA hacking would actually result in a Delicity scene. Silly me.

Diggle is free. That's what happened with Diggle.

I need more Diggle. Side eyeing Oliver's ridiculousness over Laurel was fantastic though.

I am really enjoying the pairing of Curtis and Rene. Their opposite personalities balance each other out. Curtis needs a straight man and Rene needs some comedic relief. And by straight man I mean... you know what I mean.

I readily abused the "become someone else... become something else" line. I figured it Arrow was gonna do it, then I could to. Can't beat them? Join them.

"He's Legit" HA! Texted Barry.

I am deeply in love with Felicity's white and black outfit.

Well that helicopter stunt was nifty.

How did Oliver not get his arm pulled out of his socket? There are mysteries of the Green Arrow we shall never know I suppose.

If 40% of the blogs and Twitter handles don’t change their names to Ghost Fox Goddess then I don’t think we’re fandoming right.

These two dummies. They are stupid for each other. Get a room. I love you both.

“I don’t want Black Siren to be all that’s left of her.” Trust us Oliver, nobody wants that.

“She more skilled in hand to hand” Than who Oliver? BS or LL? It’s okay. You don’t have to answer. We know it’s both.

D*nah is apparently the Emily or Ava of Star City. (Popular girl names.)

Before someone starts screaming at me how they only use light for Oliver and Felicity... that’s not true. There have been other moments where light has appeared with other love interests. I remember these shots...

The key is how it’s framed in comparison to Olicity. Olicity is always amped up an extra level. There’s always a more intense focus. FOR A REASON. Not to mention the dozens of dialogue examples referencing light & Olicity to bolster the use of light imagery. That is always missing with other characters, as it was tonight. Just something to mull.

#arrow #oliver queen #felicity smoak #arrow 5x11 #arrow spoilers #olicity #tina boland #anti tina and oliver #anti laurel lance #anti black canary #prometheus #arrow season 5 episode reviews #arrow season 5 episode review #arrow season 5 #season 5 episode review

303 notes · View notes