#but that's the point of drafting and rewriting

[cosmicalily]

"till you tell me to leave" - a bangchan oneshot by @cosmicalily

author's note: i found a half-written draft for this in my old google docs with my other email account and immediately knew i needed to do a rewrite.

warnings: angst (breakup, exes to lovers)

Three days, twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes.

Four days.

Four days and one minute.

Another sleepless night. You didn’t mean to count the minutes, but your eyes remained fixated on your phone, half watching the clock, half staring at the lock screen you’d neglected to change.

Everything around you brought back floods of memories that you didn’t want to deal with. Pictures from photo booths, his arm slung around your shoulder, his hand on your cheek, his lips pressed to your forehead. The one hoodie you’d managed to hold onto, even after he’d packed all his other belongings up when he left. The pre-workout he kept in the back of your pantry. His toothbrush in your bathroom drawer. 

He’d been yours in every way, and you’d been his.

Maybe this was why you’d been so scared to love your best friend; you knew that more came with risk, chances of slamming doors, crying each other's names, and duffle bags hastily filled.

Even when you’d ended things, why were you still writing pages, when he’d been the one to close the envelope? Why were you spending hours nestled on the couch in his hoodie, staring at a black tv screen, unaware of the world around you?

new message from 'channie'

i think i left my hoodie at yours. you home?

i’m driving over.

A part of you wanted to run into the bathroom, brush your hair, remove the two-day old mascara on your eyes and change into something nice. A part of you remembered he’d seen you in every single form, and he loved you regardless. 

He used to tell you how beautiful you were every minute of the day, even when you felt anything but. Did he miss saying those things now? Or did he have another girl to call his angel, his baby, his darling? 

Just the thought made you feel sick to your stomach.

new message from 'channie'

outside.

Taking a deep breath and slipping on your sneakers, you began walking down the hallway of your apartment building. Even though the elevator wasn’t broken for once, you wanted to take the stairs. You needed time to think, and time to turn back if you felt the need.

Why were you so easily coming to him? Well, technically you weren’t, were you? He wanted his hoodie back, presumably the one you were currently wearing.

He’d broken your heart. No, not broken. Slowly tugged at it, until nothing that remained was a dull ache and your pulse.

You thought about turning back, about yelling in his face, about simply bursting into tears and curling up into a ball at the bottom of the staircase, until your neighbour came and yelled at you for disturbing everyone’s sleep at 12:29am.

You thought about these things, but you never felt like acting on them.

What was the point, anyway?

You never would have meant it.

You spotted his familiar black car, the scratch on the bottom from when he’d practised parallel parking, the Sharpie stars you’d drawn with him whilst drunk on his windscreen. You felt your heart swell a little, and even more so when the figure inside the vehicle turned his head to look directly into your eyes.

In silence, you walked over and sat down in the passenger seat, doing your best to look at everything but him. He nodded, pressing his lips together in a thin line, and started the engine. He looked down at your torso, noticing his hoodie, but didn’t make a move to retrieve it. You didn’t attempt to take it off.

“I miss you,” you whispered, barely audibly.

“Hm?”

“Your seatbelt isn’t on,” you replied.

“I was in a rush.”

There was a sudden quiet. The click of his seatbelt, then yours, then the gentle hum of the car as he began to drive.

“You’re wearing the hoodie I left,” Chris finally said softly, eyes focused on the road ahead.

You ignored him. You didn’t really know where he was taking you, and you honestly couldn’t care less. He almost felt like a stranger. A stranger you’d poured your heart out to, and spent hours with, pressing kisses to each other's faces whilst watching movies, watching work out in the gym, cooking food for and dancing while doing the dishes with. A stranger who had been the vast majority of your firsts, who knew your body like the back of his hand, and spent long minutes in the latest and earliest hours loving you, worshipping you.

A stranger who’d been your everything.

As you drove in silence, apart from the soft rhythm of his playlist in the background, his hand found its way to yours, and gently caressed your fingers, as if asking for permission.

You allowed your palm to open.

His fingers tucked into yours, and his thumb brushed against your hand. 

His hand felt warm, familiar. His fingertips were calloused; a result of the way he gripped his pen when he frantically wrote his lyrics late at night.

The car slowed down, then stopped completely. He’d pulled over on the side of a road, in the middle of nowhere. It was ghostly silent, and the trees cast shadows through the headlights.

It was oddly comforting.

“I fucked up.”

“I know you did, Chris.”

He covered his face in his hands in frustration, letting go of yours in the process. Your hand felt a sudden coldness.

“I didn’t . . . I don’t know why I left you. I nearly called you, right after I left. I thought . . . I thought you’d want space, thought I shouldn’t have to put you through anymore. And you were getting fed up with me, I didn’t think you wanted me anymore.”

“I was still in love with you.”

“Was? Past tense?”

“I still love you. I didn’t necessarily fall out of love, Chris, I just . . . I felt like I lost a part of me. Everything felt familiar and distant at the same time, and there were traces of you everywhere. I couldn’t sleep.”

“I can never sleep.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been sleeping even less since I left. The bed’s cold.”

“Same with mine.”

You paused, staring at each other. Chris faced you properly.

“I’m still in love with you. And I’ll try forever if it means I can make you fall again.”

You smiled a little, letting your hand trail up his arm and wrap around his shoulders, resting your face in his warm neck. His hands moved to your waist, moving under his hoodie and settling on your bare skin.  “We should probably get some sleep,” you mumbled into him.

“Your place?”

“Our place. I still have your toothbrush, I think. And more than one of your hoodies.”

“Even if you don't, it doesn't matter,” Chris replied, clasping your hand in his again and gesturing to the backseat. His duffle bag sat there, zipped up, seemingly untouched since he’d left. “I’m coming home. If you’ll let me, of course.”

“You won’t leave?”

“Not unless you say so.”

“So never?”

“Never.”

taglist: @hyunjiiza @velvetmoonlght @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @btch8008s @yaniluvs @ellemir2404 @bellarellasstuff - comment, dm or send an ask to be added

[thenationofzaun]

This is actually what I always do whenever I draft rewrites/restructures of the first season. I have Vi completely abandon Caitlyn during the "Too Risky" parkour scene, and go off to find Jinx on her own. Because it never made sense to me that Vi actually helped Caitlyn hunt down her sister with no hesitation or questions asked. Upon her release from prison, knowing that this enforcer is investigating Silco's smuggling operations, knowing that her little sister is somehow involved (the drawings at the crime scene), she still helps Caitlyn and leads her directly to Jinx. Sure, she ditches her at the brothel, but then when Caitlyn saves her from Sevika later, she reveals the name "Jinx" to Caitlyn???????? Why, Vi? This is what I mean when I say Vi's writing has been weak since the first season.

In Season 1 Act 1, we saw Vi be extremely paranoid about enforcers finding her sister. She did everything she could to keep enforcers far away from Powder. Then in Acts 2 and 3, despite being imprisoned by an enforcer and being beaten for years by topsiders, she is suddenly 100% willing to aid an enforcer's investigation into her sister, help lead an enforcer directly to her sister, reveal her sister's new street name to the enforcer, and reveal this name to the Councilors too. No. Questions. Asked. Even before Season 2 came out it drove me crazy that very few people seemed bothered by Vi's writing. Season 1 has her make the craziest decisions but the writing glosses over them and treats them like no big deal, so the implications fly over viewers' heads. There were a few viewers who questioned why Vi gave the name "Jinx" to the Council, but barely anyone questioned her revealing the name to Caitlyn and helping Caitlyn find Jinx.

In my dream Season 1, Vi plays Caitlyn like a fiddle to get released, then ditches Caitlyn immediately. Loses her after the parkour, then goes to the brothel on her own to talk to Babette, then fights Sevika. I'd have had Caitlyn traverse the Undercity alone, using her own wits and skills to survive down there instead of getting everything handed to her by Vi, and finds out the name "Jinx" on her own too. At this point Jinx had just committed bombings in topside - I'm sure the rumour mill would be working overtime and people in the Undercity would be talking. Caitlyn could literally eavesdrop on any hushed bar conversation and pick up the name "Jinx" herself. Later Caitlyn hears a commotion, and surprise! It's Vi vs Sevika, Caitlyn saves Vi, and the story continues only without Vi revealing her sister's new name to Caitlyn.

This way: 1) we could have Caitlyn's resilience and adaptability on full display, a privileged topsider princess surviving the Undercity on her own and impressing Vi, 2) her detective skills on full display, finding out the name "Jinx" on her own without getting literally everything handed to her by Vi and Ekko (in my rewrite Caitlyn would also suspect Marcus of corruption long before he points his gun at her face), and 3) Vi would be a much more believable character who doesn't immediately help enforcers and generously reveal things about her sister to an enforcer the second she's released from prison.

Imagine if s1e4 Vi just said she’d help Caitlyn with the case because she saw the opportunity to get out of Stillwater and once it was done, just effectively ditched Caitlyn while she was distracted to just go off and look for Jinx/Powder on her own and started pitfighting to make money then.

[fellamarsh]

another thing i've been trying to do recently is read more self-published stuff. "but fell," you say, "you're a self-published author. surely you've been reading self-published stuff all along" and then i laugh for so long in response we both become uncomfortable.

see, the fear (which has for a long time been killing my mind) that i'll read other self-published stuff and find out that it's so much better than mine that i might as well stop writing forever kept me from doing that basically ever. i have a hard time not unfavorably comparing my work to others and had convinced myself i was being smart by withholding an avenue of de-motivation (reader: i was not being smart). it also doesn't help that i'm pretty low income and have a hard time spending money on books i haven't already read, and that self-published stuff isn't always available at the library---but really a lot of it was just me being a coward. which i'm working on. i could talk about how this particular cowardice is Very Silly, but i think enough has been said about it on writeblr and in the Writing Space in general that i don't feel the need to (though i will if anyone wants me to).

instead, i wanna talk about the self-published things i have read in the past few months and ask about the self-published things you love!

so: what happened was i got real sick, and while i was real sick i (naturally) read over 200,000 words of ace attorney fan fiction in the span of a few days. eventually i got bored of it (and also maybe annoyed at how people were characterizing some of my guys), but i still wanted to read something gay and romantic and nice, something i knew was gonna end happily, which isn't my typical fare.

now you may be saying (having gotten over all the uncomfortable laughter from earlier) "fell, you write gay romance. what do you mean that's not your typical fare?" listen. until a couple months ago i hadn't read a cut and dry romance novel since before i finished college. for context: i graduated in 2015. i know it doesn't make sense. i'm a guy who doesn't make sense.

but in this case it worked to my advantage. not the not making sense thing, but the not having read Published Romance in 1000 years thing. I didn't know where to start. I was very skeptical of everything the library had Available Now in the Gay Fantasy Romance category. what if it was all bad and also not good?

and then i scrolled past the familiar cover of our very own @ashen-crest's A Rival Most Vial.

now this was comfortable territory! this was a novel by a very nice writeblr person whose posts i enjoy! i already loosely knew the plot, i was familiar with the characters, i knew the names of things like rosemond street and the griffin's claw and that ambrose had blue hair and that at the end of it all there would definitely be Boyfriends. i didn't have to worry that this would be bad! i only had to worry that it would be really good!

but i wasn't worried about that, because i was officially Not Writing at the time, and because why the hell hadn't i read this book yet Ash literally emailed me some very kind words last year when my cat died??

Y'all, I devoured ARMV. If you haven't read it yet---especially if cozy fantasy is more your thing than it is mine---you should check it out Immediately. It was fun! It was heartwarming! It was sweet and earnest and confident! I was delighted to find it was occasionally hot! Ambrose and Eli snuggled up into my sick exhausted heart and found a permanent little place there. (Especially Ambrose. I have such a thing for Stiff Guys who Kind of Suck for Tragic Backstory Reasons and are So So Lonely They Don't Even Realize It. gawd)

(And a very small part of my brain spent the whole time wondering why I had been so afraid to really engage with the work my community is doing. The community that I'm in. The one I'm a part of. Why?! Maybe more on that later.)

But from there the curse was broken! I immediately devoured @stjohnstarling's What Manner of Man in a similar sort of frenzy (and hooooly shit guys am I excited for the expanded, finalized version to come out at the end of next month!) and started digging into @lurinatftbn's The Flower that Bloomed Nowhere (which I can already tell is going to be an All Time Favorite).

And now I want to ask you what your favorite self-published books are so that I can read them, too, but I think I will in another post that doesn't dedicate so much space to talking about my various and sundry Issues and isn't Terminally Long

[unordinaries]

presented without comment

(chapters 280 + 344)

[m00n-pr1sm]

Amy Dunne Character Analysis

Disclaimer

This analysis will be of Amy’s character from both the book and the movie, although the 2014 movie adaption takes greater precedence with only some additional details and quotes included from the book as it does delve deeper into Amy’s psyche and add further characterization. Thus some traits may be accentuated further than they are in the movie, not being completely faithful to either story. It’s an analysis of Amy in her totality across mediums, of course being entirely my opinion. There are of course adaptational differences but I will not include the major ones from the books (ex. her relationship with Hillary Hand). This is an analysis focusing primarily on Amy’s neuroses she demonstrates and the childhood links to them, it doesn’t cover in-depth the events nor themes of Gone Girl.

Amy Elliott Dunne, the ever enigmatic dual protagonist- antagonist of Gone Girl is one of the most iconic female villains in modern memory, and one of the paragons of the “good for her” trope in media, is, frankly, one of my favorite characters of all time. As such I have been dying to write a full analysis examining her neuroses and characterization. Beneath the cultural perception of just another “crazy psycho” for girls to claim “she did no wrong” or “she just like me fr!”, lies a fascinating character who is masterfully written and developed by Gillian Flynn, as well as perfectly portrayed by Rosamund Pike. Amy Dunne is a character with a deep, complex psychology that I will do my best to thoroughly explore in this analysis.

From Amy’s childhood we first see the emergence of a literal high ego ideal, Amazing Amy. Of course this is the children’s book series created by her parents with a fictionalized version of Amy being the eponymous protagonist. This was a version of herself that rectified her own personal failures. Amazing Amy became a prodigy at cello, when Amy quit at 10, Amazing Amy made varsity volleyball, Amy got cut freshman year. Even in the (at time) final book in the series, Amazing Amy got married, a task Amy had not yet done. The entire book series revolved around Amy always making the most virtuous, the most selfless, the most perfect decisions.

>”With me, regular, flawed, real Amy, jealous, as always, of the golden child.”

An interesting detail in the book that is omitted from the movie is Marybeth’s numerous miscarriages and stillbirths (which totaled 7). All of these girls were named Hope, until Amy was born. Amy expresses her jealousy towards them, as they were always seen as perfect without ever living; meanwhile Amy herself has to live life everyday knowing that she will never truly live up to the Hopes. That she has to try everyday to be the best she can be. Her very birth was mired in the expectation of a perfect child; given that she was practically a gift from the heavens to her parents.

This sets up Amy’s perfectionism, as the childhood experience of never living up to a projected ideal led her to want to be perfect (and as we’ll later see, the expectation that everyone else is too), to live life always through the gaze of another. Evidently this leads to a loss of one’s inner essence, one’s individuality and sense of self.

>“-I’d never really felt like a person, because I was always a product” (Book Quote)

Amy’s obsession with personas can be seen as emerging from this, as she adapts a personality depending on who she’s interacting with, as to always be the most appealing she can, she is Amazing Amy after all.

>”I’m not sure, exactly, how to be Dead Amy. I’m trying to figure out what that means for me, what I become for the next few months. Anyone, I suppose, except people I’ve already been: Amazing Amy. Preppy ’80s Girl. Ultimate-Frisbee Granola and Blushing Ingenue and Witty Hepburnian Sophisticate. Brainy Ironic Girl and Boho Babe (the latest version of Frisbee Granola). Cool Girl and Loved Wife and Unloved Wife and Vengeful Scorned Wife. Diary Amy.” (Book Quote)

This general attitude leads to people trying to impress her as she places herself as someone special and especially someone to keep around. She entices both the characters and viewers of the film through her manufactured charisma and enchantment. However, we’ll see this dramatically backfire in her relationship with Nick, just you wait!

For now we can focus on the beginning of their relationship as well as what I believe to be Amy’s view on romance.

I believe that Amy has an impossibly high standard of love, one that stems from her perfectionism and general inability to let down her guise of being amazing. Not to mention how her parents were a perfect match, Amy even referring to them as soul-mates.

>”They have no harsh edges with each other, no spiny conflicts, they ride through life like conjoined jellyfish—expanding and contracting instinctively, filling each other’s spaces liquidly. Making it look easy, the soul-mate thing.” (Book Quote)

In her childhood it’s implied that she was into romance novels, specifically Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, which obviously contributes to the idealization of romance, of a literal scripted love.

>”You were an alienated teen and only Elizabeth Bennet understood you”

I think this little quote is incredibly indicative; it establishes a sense of alienation, of Amy never quite fitting in and blending with others.

>”So many lessons and opportunities and advantages, and they never taught me how to be happy. I remember always being baffled by other children. I would be at a birthday party and watch the other kids giggling and making faces, and I would try to do that too, but I wouldn’t understand why. I would sit there with the tight elastic thread of the birthday hat parting the pudge of my underchin, with the grainy frosting of the cake bluing my teeth, and I would try to figure out why it was fun.” (Book Quote)

Back to the topic of romance, through these stories it allowed her to imagine her perfect romance: if Amy could find that one person that truly understood her, beyond the illusion, that then would constitute a perfect union of love. She does deep down (whether consciously or not) want to be loved for who she is; not the idealized, palatable, literal marketed version of herself. Thus she holds trust as a premium, expecting that if she does the Herculean task of unspooling and revealing herself to another, that the other person would love her no matter what.

>”Can you imagine, finally showing your true self to your spouse, your soul mate, and having him not like you?” (Book Quote)

However all of this culminates in an impossibly high standard of a lover, of a practically divine mythical love; where one loves totally and absolutely. Of course where this neurosis is most demonstrated is in Nick and Amy’s relationship.

Amy comments that after meeting Nick she finally felt like a person as he brought out a side of herself that hadn’t been seen, in her own words “a lightness and an ease”, something that Amy enjoyed. In her eyes they had the perfect relationship in the beginning, Nick was her compliment with the witty banter, with their inside jokes, and charm.

However this doesn’t just vanquish her childhood neuroses, through her desire to be seen as perfect, she modifies herself to be a “cool girl” for Nick, complying endlessly to standards to maintain this perception.

>” When I met Nick Dunne, I knew he wanted a cool girl and for him, I’ll admit, I was willing to try.”

Amy essentially became Nick’s image of a perfect girl, witty, fun, and most of all easy-going and forgiving.

Yet one cannot live forever in images and ideas; and as such, the real, true Amy emerged. The Amy that cares too much, that’s hard to get along with, that is a controlling perfectionist. She also tests Nick through the treasure hunts, weaving in little details about their relationship as to challenge Nick and hope that he remembers the things they do together as deeply as she does. Combined with the 2008 recession and declining health of Nick’s mother (the consequences of which will be explored later). As well as Nick’s growing dissatisfaction in the relationship (evidenced by his worsening performances in the treasure hunts, the cheating, using her for sex and ignoring her otherwise, etc). The illusion both Nick and Amy were living in crumbled; they couldn’t possibly sustain their relationship as they were both striving to fulfill reciprocating images for the other.

One of the biggest parts of her character is Amy’s elitism and entitlement, in which she thinks of herself as someone superior, someone that deserves to be loved absolutely for who she is, although only to people she considers worthy.

>”She’s easy to like. I’ve never understood why that’s considered a compliment—that just anyone could like you.” (Book Quote)

Once again this stems from her childhood, in a seemingly contradictory way, she also sees herself as special for being the one that survived from her mother’s attempts, as well as the fact that her birth was so tumultuous that she would be an only child. From this also stems her entitlement for love.

Amy actively looks down upon women she considers “average”, whom she sees as coming from mediocrity and continuously perpetuating that in their lives. She scoffs at them with her wealthy parents and NYC background until her marriage with Nick crumbles. Only then does she realize that she’s become the very woman she would previously disdain. A woman with a failing marriage, the loss of her previous wealth following the recession, and moving to a failed development in Missouri (What the hell’s in Missouri?) for Nick’s mother.

I truly believe this, combined with Nick’s infidelity, and most importantly the loss of her idyllic love culminated in the iconic Gone Girl plan.

>”Nick took and took from me until I no longer existed, that’s murder. Let the punishment fit the crime”.

Nick took Amy’s identity, her sense of self that she so generously revealed to him and rejected her. Implying that she would only be loved if played the role of the “cool girl”; stripping her of who she really was, losing herself in yet another persona. Although Amy admits she doesn’t really have a personality and lives through personas, she still has a semblance of self that she holds dear.

>”-made me realize that there was a Real Amy in there, and she was so much better, more interesting and complicated and challenging, than Cool Amy”. (Book Quote)

Worse yet, Nick had cheated on her with a “newer, younger, bouncer Cool Girl”, leaving Amy in the dust, surely damaging her pride.

But Amy truly fell in love with her idealized version of Nick, believing that she was responsible for shaping that version of Nick. That she deserved that man in his entirety, of course what gets Amy to come back to Nick is the Sharon Scheiber interview, in which he promises to make up with Amy in just the way that makes her think that Nick is the one person who gets her. He makes the little references to their inside jokes (2 fingers on the chin when they’re not bullshitting the other) and a reference to the end of the treasure hunt (always a contentious issue in their relationship). She’s reminded of who he was, that he was once perfect for her, who else could know how to appeal to her heart in just the right way? With the same passion and conviction she reverses the judgment on Nick, clawing her way back to him. She does so in an especially brutal manner, slashing Desi’s throat with a boxcutter right after he climaxes. Putting aside my enormous personal bias against Desi, he was technically an innocent man, taking a great risk in sheltering Amy. However it’s clear that Amy sees him as merely an asset and something to be disposed of once he serves his value, as another prop in her ever evolving masterplan; she did string him along for years through their letter correspondences. He was just another casualty in Amy’s search for idyllic love. She comes back dramatically, literally falling into Nick’s arms while still covered in Desi’s blood like a dress; fabricating an elaborate story about a love obsessed former boyfriend kidnapping and violating her. Despite the glaring holes in her whole story (If Amy���s marriage was as bad as she made it out to be, why did she go back to Nick so easily? How did she get access to a knife and kill him so seamlessly? Why didn’t Amy do anything when she discovered the stuff in Margo’s shed? etc), law enforcement, media, and the public all fully believe it, infatuated with the persona and narrative that Amy’s created for herself. In the end she traps Nick into the marriage and eventually, the family. The last shot of the film is a haunting recall to the beginning shot of the film, as Amy has both revealed and secured herself to be the master of the narrative, finally obtaining her perfect love, no matter what the cost may have been.

Conclusion

Through a constant demand in Amy’s childhood emerges a need for perfection, simultaneously bringing about a sense of superiority and entitlement. The use of personas and façades facilitate this, painting Amy as the most amazing cool girl for whomever she’s performing for, to feed her need to be seen as perfect and desirable. Yet there emerges a psychological detachment from others; as the need to perform inevitably leads to an internal hollowness. However underneath all these layers there also lies the true Amy who has the deep unconscious desire of wanting to be loved absolutely, to have a perfect union of love where she can reveal herself fully and be loved for who she is truly.

>disclaimer for tumblr lol, this is not me trying to claim Amy was innocent I am fully aware that she’s a terribly entitled and narcissistic person but she can still be complex and have relatable desires & be a person even if she’s massively fucked up!!

[kijosakka]

Assistant Noah AU: How Alejandro would react to Assistant Noah trying to warn Owen about the Spanish Charmer, by calling the Charmer an 'eel dipped in grease'?... Would Alejandro be salty that he can't vote Assistant Noah off, since Noah isn't a contestant?... Would Alejandro charm + flirt harder with Assistant Noah? 😘

noah being an assistant here implies something very specific — being, he’d definitely know alejandro knows. this would mean more, except that noah is not here for the competition, he’s here for The Paycheck.

on noahs end at least i don’t think he would care much, but i do hesitate to say what alejandro specifically would think of the situation — because despite him being badmouthed (which. i will get to), it does imply favoritism that noah is telling owen, which he may assume to extend further to their team and potentially be an advantage point.

he is. wrong. noahs ‘favoritism’ extends to owen and not so much in challenges, but im sure there’s potential there for alejandro to try and make nice with owen to reap this favoritism (or at least cut down how much owen receives by being close, since noah doesn’t seem to like alejandro much) < but the turning point comes with that because noah just Does Not Care.

i’d imagine he’d be juuust as flagrant about his favoritism without it technically infringing on any rules, explicit or implicit (and the rest of the cast, sans maybe those like heather or courtney, would be aware that owen would never do anything underhanded or wildly unfair with those privileges so it’s not so major in that regard either)

anyway, alejandro sees what happens and tries to intercept on owen to reap some benefit or control over the situation, and it doesn’t work. where does he go from there? flirting!!

^ this has more to it than narrative, being mostly alejandro’s character and it’s existence, really. while in canon his charming is more consistently his ‘first option’ for his scheming, you can see it through his relationship through heather how it can be a failsafe instead — where he can’t explicitly scheme her away from the game like he could with team victory, he flirts with her to make her emotionally volatile.

(also something to be said about how it is, in a way, a manner of forcing himself control over at least a small part of it)

all my rambling to mean that since alejandro can do nothing about noah, he goes to reap control and petty enjoyment through trying to fluster him (and, back to what i said earlier, probably some vindication for being badmouthed). spoiler alert: it doesn’t work.

finally getting over to the being badmouthed thing, i would want it to mean something more exciting, but the kinda boring, semantical answer i can give is just that. noah would probably know because he has access to stuff like confessional footage.

don’t get me wrong there’s definitely potential for a misunderstanding-type situation where alejandro writes off his own intrigue in noah as ‘wanting to figure out how he knew’, and introduces the conflict when someone (likely noah himself) tells him that no, he just knows because he has footage access. that’s it.

^ it would theoretically kill alejandro’s interest, but retconned with that alejandro may reason (in a way to ignore his feelings. stupid man in Denial) that it would bother noah if he continues to flirt despite knowing this.

(and of course that like heather is the only person alejandro could drop pretenses around in canon, noah would be that to him here — because he could. noah knows, he knows noah knows, and there’s no explicit or immediate threat to his game by doing so < which might amp up post-owen elimination, after noah is soothed from his inevitable spite.)

which he would be kind of right about? i do mostly see noah as more pissed that it’s taking away from his job (probably more at chris’ insistence, as the viewers are eating it up) and there being a more definite pivotal point once owen is eventually eliminated.

(going more definitely two-sided, i’d imagine noahs own feelings developing as he needles for information through alejandro’s constant attempts at flirting and does genuinely appreciate the more genuine parts of himself.)

for an actual relationship between them though i do imagine it would have to come post-season — either route you take it, drama-bot or not.

[sleeplesslark]

Hard to get into the mood to want to do anything at this time of year. Idk if it's because my sleep pattern is off or what....but having trouble finding the energy to do much more than mindlessly scroll.

[black-and-yellow]

Top 3 underrated YouTube channels I like and you should look at:

Tirade: scary games, responds to comments, always super nice. Check out his videos, or just leave an encouraging comment.

hodge podge: cosy games, very chill and relaxing voice, uploads a lot of farming games and has lots of completed series organised into playlists

reubengv: video essay type videos about British TV, not as underrated as the others but his videos are really interesting, especially the one about Jam.

[ganondoodle]

so, except for that one painting i still wanna finish im gonna tone down the OC stuff again, zelda work resumes now (°ー°〃)

[yuus-sentient-teddy]

"Yuu-Yuu hurt." Part 12

Part 1 | Part 11 | Part 13

The mad scientist is dragged away by magical officers and the boys are brought to the police station, where they give their statements. Now that they're safe and Yuu is being seen by capable adults, the adrenaline tapers off and exhaustion seeps in. Most of them fall asleep as soon as they sit down in the waiting room.

Those who are still awake don't say anything to each other or whoever enters the waiting room. They instead look out the window, noticing the still dark skies, or impatiently glance at the clock, wanting the shuttle bus to arrive already so he could sleep and put the whole damn night behind him. It's still unbelievable what had happened, and the sleep-deprived haze makes it seem like a wild nightmare.

The entrance slides open. In walks Sebek, Ortho, Grim, and the teddy bear. Epel roughly shakes Deuce and Ace awake as the Diasomnia trio quickly approach Sebek. "Has there been any issue?" Malleus asks.

"No. Yuu was brought safely to the mages."

The tension in the room lessens. "That is excellent news. Thank you all for your efforts."

Sebek, despite his exhaustion, beams while Ortho says that it wasn't a problem. They are all ushered to a chair or waved over to an empty spot. Grim plops into a seat beside Ace and the teddy bear sits next to him. Before the First Years can ask Grim and the teddy bear for details, the two suddenly collapse against each other and free fall into sleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He and the others are in the warehouse-like room.

Yuu and the ink monster are screaming. It leaps towards some classmates to his left. He moves away, readying a spell and shooting it.

COUGH COUGH

Yuu is doubled over, a hand covering their mouth as the other hand grips their knee. Ink seeps between their fingers, and when they take a trembling breath and raise their head, it leaks from their eyes like tears. Somehow, despite the distance, he hears them exhale. . . and then their eyes roll back and they fall to the floor.

The ink that trickles out of their mouth seems to have a red shine. He doesn't have time to yell for them because in a moment, the ink monster is above them and its body is falling apart, much like a rapidly melting candle. He raises his wand with a spell on his tongue--

An ink stained hand grips his wrist. He turns and his breath leaves his lungs. A familiar face grins back at him. Garbled words echo in his ears that bring with them unbearable discomfort and nausea.

"They must become one of us, or else they don't belong."

He yells something back while wrenching his hand away, either a "No they don't" or "Shut up!" The familiar face only cackles and points behind him.

Half of Yuu's body is inside the broken glass head of the ink monster. Pupiless eyes bore into his own. "No."

The rest of the body is sucked further in. He thinks he hears a raspy groan, but it's overcome by a loud, disgusting slushing sound like worms writhing.

He wants to hurl.

He wants to cry.

He feels so useless.

"YUU!!!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ace's eyes snap open, heart racing like when he and the others had fled from the ink monster in the mines from a long time ago. His eyes land on a mini basketball hoop hanging high against a red and black irregularly striped wall. Right beside his head and slightly obscured by a scarlet cotton curtain, is an armoire so goofily curved it's like it came straight out of a whimsical tale. He's back in his bedroom; he remembers trudging to the Mirror Chamber after getting off the shuttle bus, bumping into someone or a chair or something, and then nothing.

Something moves against his chest. He realizes his arms are crossed and holding onto a soft but firm thing. He looks down and meets the beady black eyes of Yuu's sentient teddy bear. "Ace okay?" it asks.

His mind flashes back to a conversation from last night.

"I've been thinking about this for a while," Ortho said, pulling all attention to him. "I'm sure most of us know this by now, but for those who don't: Yuu's teddy bear has an unusual ability that lets it know when Yuu gets injured and where they are. Yuu has been held captive for three weeks, and during that time, the teddy bear was acutely aware that they were injured and hidden in that forest."

"I can't imagine what it would be like to be it during those weeks, knowing that someone it deeply cares about is so close but out of reach. I'm afraid of trying to run a simulation."

The teddy bear nuzzled closer to Grim, who hugged it tighter. "I must confess, it's impressive it didn't have a breakdown during those weeks," Jade said. "It's made me wonder what it would have done if none of us had tried searching for Yuu ourselves."

"Yeah, I'm okay." Before Ace realizes it, he's petting the teddy bear's head. It accepts the affection and leans into his hand.

He hears some muttering behind him. Holding the teddy bear more securely to his chest, he rolls over. He lets out a scoff; Grim had somehow ended up upside down and his tail was in Deuce's face. He starts to laugh when Grim's tail flicks and hits the Spade student, but quickly stops when Grim mutters almost tearfully, "Yuu, don't die!"

Ace then notices the damp fur around Grim's eyes and how hard Deuce was grinding his teeth (he was actually afraid Deuce was going to chip a tooth this time). He gets out of bed and feels dull soreness in his joints and muscles. Any open wounds had been small and treated at the police station; simple bruises were left alone. He trudges to the other side of the room with the teddy bear in one arm. "Deuce. Deuce! Grim! Wake up!"

As expected, nothing. He suddenly remembers the other roommates and glances over, but finds the beds empty. Come to think of it, what time was it?

Putting the teddy bear on the bed, Ace places a hand on Grim's tummy and reaches over to grab Deuce's shoulder. He yells their names and shakes them, which manages to startle them awake. "Phew. About time."

Deuce blearily looks around as Grim slowly sits up. He sighs, relieved. "It was only a dream."

"Let me guess, dreaming about last night?"

"Yeah. You were too, right?"

"How could I not? It was more stressful than dealing with the other Overblots."

"It was." Deuce sighs again, but then squints at Ace. ". . . Were you crying?"

"Huh?!" He touches his cheek. Tears had dried on his face, mixing with red makeup when they were still fresh. Deuce was the same, having black makeup smudged down his cheek. Grim is touching his own face and seems surprised that he too had cried in his sleep. "Guess I was."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notices were sent to the boys' phones: once the school day had ended, all of them needed to report to the auditorium in person. Ace was dreading the lecture he and the others were sure to be getting, but the dread worsened upon seeing all the homeroom teachers standing beside a seriously stern headmaster. For the next however many minutes--which felt more likes hours--the headmaster scolded the students for being so reckless and other things. With how much anger and exasperation was behind the headmaster's words, it brought Ace back to the time he and Grim got yelled at for scorching the Queen of Hearts statue. The homeroom teachers' disapproving glares, combined with sitting in the front row, made Ace sweat and try to look anywhere but the front.

"I'm especially appalled by the dorm leaders and the vice dorm leaders," Crowley said, and the underclassmen were a little relieved that they weren't targeted anymore. "The fourteen of you--especially the dorm leaders and those with upstanding social positions--should have known better than to partake in such a highly consequential folly! Whatever you or anyone has to say on this matter will not excuse the danger you have allowed yourselves and others under your care to be in."

There was a moment of tense, suffocating silence. Crowley huffed. "That said, I can't say I'm not proud of you all."

"HUH?!"

It was like a switch had flipped: Crowley was smiling at the students now and exuding joy. "You all banded together to search and rescue one of your peers. Not only did you do just that successfully, but you also saved the other kidnap victims and kept them safe while there was an Overblot incident. You all showed such capability during a dangerous situation and so much care for one of your own--it brings tears to my eyes!"

"I know you said there was no excuse for what we just did, but we really couldn't sit around waiting for something to happen," Kalim said.

"And of course, we couldn't turn down the plead of their dear teddy bear to find them, not when they mean so much to it," Azul said, a palm to his chest to express "sincerity".

Glances were cast towards the teddy bear. It was silently staring out the window.

Crowley put his hands on his hips. "Al-Asim, Ashengrotto, I trust you both won't make the same lapse in judgment during your time as students?"

"Ah, well--"

"If you make the same decision as the one you took for rescuing Yuu next time, it could end terribly. It goes the same for all of you. No matter what happens, do not run blindly into danger. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir," the students choired.

"Headmaster, could I ask you something?" Ace asks. "Have you made any progress at all in finding Yuu a way back home?"

The headmaster clearly wasn't expecting the question--the lights in his eyes seemed to widen and his mouth parted in surprise. The homeroom teachers turn to look at him; it seems they were curious to hear his answer too. In a moment, he was collected, but there was a sort of shaky undertone that undermined it. "Well, to be quite honest, I've been unable to make as much progress as I wanted given the hectic events this school year. I did offer them some pointers on where to look for possible answers, but their circumstance is unique. It would be an arduous and long process finding anything useful."

"Of course it would be! They don't know a lick about magic," Grim argues. "And you haven't made any progress at all because you were busy goofing off."

The lights in Crowley's mask narrow and grow brighter. "I beg your pardon? Is that any way to speak to your headmaster, who works diligently to ensure this school runs well and maintains its prestigious reputation? This sort of work is no easy feat, especially since there are so many misbehaving and reckless students to watch over."

"When winter break came around, you were ready to go vacationing and forgot all about finding Yuu a way home," Grim says.

"Headmaster Crowley, is that true?" Professor Trein asks, fixing him with a stern glare.

When Crowley started to seem shifty, Professor Trein snapped at him and a low growl came from Lucius. "Did you leave alone two students on campus with no means to get food for themselves and no supervision? I advised you numerous times to have them placed in an inn at the foot of the hill. What if something happened to them?"

"I've also been wondering, what did you find in your research of returning Yuu back to their world?" Professor Crewel asks.

"It's as I said before: not as much progress as I wanted."

"So basically, you found jack shit," Floyd says, which causes many heads to snap his way and Crowley to make an offended sound. The headmaster doesn't manage to get a word in when someone speaks up.

"If you're having trouble with searching, you could always ask for help," Kalim suggests.

"I'm sure finding information about crossing universes is by no means an easy task, but surely you could have been transparent about your progress?" Azul points out.

"Ah, that. . ." For the next hour or two, Crowley was in an uncomfortable position.

[ghostlycod]

“I have this scene in my head for my fic that I really love but i don’t feel like writing all of the other stuff to get to it.”

I see this comment like 5 times a day in fic writing spaces lol

a scene that you don’t want to write is a scene you don’t want to read. don’t write stuff you don’t want to read.

me, personally: wait until the scenes that get you to that first initial scene you were excited about are just as interesting as that scene too. it won’t be the first, second, or third thing you think of. if u have a scene you really want to write, write that, and keep writing only those exciting scenes that come to you. eventually you have a million interesting scenes for your fic and they become puzzle pieces for you to arrange and then eventually the strings come together and you realize you really do have an interesting way to get to that original scene, and you’re just as excited to write it, if you haven’t already written it when you were brainstorming other scenes earlier in the writing process that you didn’t even realize could carry your story like that.

[valaratminaforaldrar]

literally accidentally opened picrew and was blessed. what the fuck.........

[thesmokinpossum]

i just need 1500 more characters (without space), I don't even give a fuck if that shit is any good anymore fr, I just need it to be fucking over

[gingerpeachtea]

🦀🧳🦀

YAY AIRPORT CRABS have 10 sentences from burning suns!!!

She fixed her hair while he worked, a feeble excuse not to look at him, though she also wouldn’t want him seeing her like this regardless. Sweat stuck wisps of hair to her forehead. She should’ve long since caught her breath, and her heart had calmed, but not entirely—a state that should be reserved for the company of aching thighs and pillow talk, not a poor stage performance. He placed her shoes neatly beneath her vanity, where she always kept them. Christian wrapped a loose hand around her ankle, his thumb slipping beneath the crosses of her fishnets to rub small circles over the bone. She looked down at him, still knelt before her. Her eyes fell to his hand [before he could/before he had the chance to meet her gaze]. “What is it?” she asked. She knew the answer. For all the ways he’d changed, Christian still hadn’t lost his boyish avoidance of directness. She considered some kind of physical comfort, perhaps a hand on his shoulder or cupping his cheek, but didn’t move.

(make me write!!)

[freakoutgirl]

There are the people who treat poetry as a craft (these are the ones who get published) and then there are those who treat it as another form of diary writing (I fall into this camp)

[sophieswundergarten]

So. Everyone who yelled at me yesterday for making a ramble on Reynie going blank and then not resolving it, this is for you: (@lemondropletters, you have been tagged)

Also, it's in a Google Doc because it was definitely too long for a Tumblr post, and ~~I don't know how AO3 works~~

The (vague) premise is that, instead of Constance seeing Curtain's broadcast, they all get to the compound mentally sound, but once there, they split up to look for Mr. Benedict, and instead Reynie finds Curtain. This is the wrap up of what would have happened in the last episode.