#also fun fact. in one of the first drafts of the novel

[m00n-pr1sm]

Amy Dunne Character Analysis

Disclaimer

This analysis will be of Amy’s character from both the book and the movie, although the 2014 movie adaption takes greater precedence with only some additional details and quotes included from the book as it does delve deeper into Amy’s psyche and add further characterization. Thus some traits may be accentuated further than they are in the movie, not being completely faithful to either story. It’s an analysis of Amy in her totality across mediums, of course being entirely my opinion. There are of course adaptational differences but I will not include the major ones from the books (ex. her relationship with Hillary Hand). This is an analysis focusing primarily on Amy’s neuroses she demonstrates and the childhood links to them, it doesn’t cover in-depth the events nor themes of Gone Girl.

Amy Elliott Dunne, the ever enigmatic dual protagonist- antagonist of Gone Girl is one of the most iconic female villains in modern memory, and one of the paragons of the “good for her” trope in media, is, frankly, one of my favorite characters of all time. As such I have been dying to write a full analysis examining her neuroses and characterization. Beneath the cultural perception of just another “crazy psycho” for girls to claim “she did no wrong” or “she just like me fr!”, lies a fascinating character who is masterfully written and developed by Gillian Flynn, as well as perfectly portrayed by Rosamund Pike. Amy Dunne is a character with a deep, complex psychology that I will do my best to thoroughly explore in this analysis.

From Amy’s childhood we first see the emergence of a literal high ego ideal, Amazing Amy. Of course this is the children’s book series created by her parents with a fictionalized version of Amy being the eponymous protagonist. This was a version of herself that rectified her own personal failures. Amazing Amy became a prodigy at cello, when Amy quit at 10, Amazing Amy made varsity volleyball, Amy got cut freshman year. Even in the (at time) final book in the series, Amazing Amy got married, a task Amy had not yet done. The entire book series revolved around Amy always making the most virtuous, the most selfless, the most perfect decisions.

>”With me, regular, flawed, real Amy, jealous, as always, of the golden child.”

An interesting detail in the book that is omitted from the movie is Marybeth’s numerous miscarriages and stillbirths (which totaled 7). All of these girls were named Hope, until Amy was born. Amy expresses her jealousy towards them, as they were always seen as perfect without ever living; meanwhile Amy herself has to live life everyday knowing that she will never truly live up to the Hopes. That she has to try everyday to be the best she can be. Her very birth was mired in the expectation of a perfect child; given that she was practically a gift from the heavens to her parents.

This sets up Amy’s perfectionism, as the childhood experience of never living up to a projected ideal led her to want to be perfect (and as we’ll later see, the expectation that everyone else is too), to live life always through the gaze of another. Evidently this leads to a loss of one’s inner essence, one’s individuality and sense of self.

>“-I’d never really felt like a person, because I was always a product” (Book Quote)

Amy’s obsession with personas can be seen as emerging from this, as she adapts a personality depending on who she’s interacting with, as to always be the most appealing she can, she is Amazing Amy after all.

>”I’m not sure, exactly, how to be Dead Amy. I’m trying to figure out what that means for me, what I become for the next few months. Anyone, I suppose, except people I’ve already been: Amazing Amy. Preppy ’80s Girl. Ultimate-Frisbee Granola and Blushing Ingenue and Witty Hepburnian Sophisticate. Brainy Ironic Girl and Boho Babe (the latest version of Frisbee Granola). Cool Girl and Loved Wife and Unloved Wife and Vengeful Scorned Wife. Diary Amy.” (Book Quote)

This general attitude leads to people trying to impress her as she places herself as someone special and especially someone to keep around. She entices both the characters and viewers of the film through her manufactured charisma and enchantment. However, we’ll see this dramatically backfire in her relationship with Nick, just you wait!

For now we can focus on the beginning of their relationship as well as what I believe to be Amy’s view on romance.

I believe that Amy has an impossibly high standard of love, one that stems from her perfectionism and general inability to let down her guise of being amazing. Not to mention how her parents were a perfect match, Amy even referring to them as soul-mates.

>”They have no harsh edges with each other, no spiny conflicts, they ride through life like conjoined jellyfish—expanding and contracting instinctively, filling each other’s spaces liquidly. Making it look easy, the soul-mate thing.” (Book Quote)

In her childhood it’s implied that she was into romance novels, specifically Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, which obviously contributes to the idealization of romance, of a literal scripted love.

>”You were an alienated teen and only Elizabeth Bennet understood you”

I think this little quote is incredibly indicative; it establishes a sense of alienation, of Amy never quite fitting in and blending with others.

>”So many lessons and opportunities and advantages, and they never taught me how to be happy. I remember always being baffled by other children. I would be at a birthday party and watch the other kids giggling and making faces, and I would try to do that too, but I wouldn’t understand why. I would sit there with the tight elastic thread of the birthday hat parting the pudge of my underchin, with the grainy frosting of the cake bluing my teeth, and I would try to figure out why it was fun.” (Book Quote)

Back to the topic of romance, through these stories it allowed her to imagine her perfect romance: if Amy could find that one person that truly understood her, beyond the illusion, that then would constitute a perfect union of love. She does deep down (whether consciously or not) want to be loved for who she is; not the idealized, palatable, literal marketed version of herself. Thus she holds trust as a premium, expecting that if she does the Herculean task of unspooling and revealing herself to another, that the other person would love her no matter what.

>”Can you imagine, finally showing your true self to your spouse, your soul mate, and having him not like you?” (Book Quote)

However all of this culminates in an impossibly high standard of a lover, of a practically divine mythical love; where one loves totally and absolutely. Of course where this neurosis is most demonstrated is in Nick and Amy’s relationship.

Amy comments that after meeting Nick she finally felt like a person as he brought out a side of herself that hadn’t been seen, in her own words “a lightness and an ease”, something that Amy enjoyed. In her eyes they had the perfect relationship in the beginning, Nick was her compliment with the witty banter, with their inside jokes, and charm.

However this doesn’t just vanquish her childhood neuroses, through her desire to be seen as perfect, she modifies herself to be a “cool girl” for Nick, complying endlessly to standards to maintain this perception.

>” When I met Nick Dunne, I knew he wanted a cool girl and for him, I’ll admit, I was willing to try.”

Amy essentially became Nick’s image of a perfect girl, witty, fun, and most of all easy-going and forgiving.

Yet one cannot live forever in images and ideas; and as such, the real, true Amy emerged. The Amy that cares too much, that’s hard to get along with, that is a controlling perfectionist. She also tests Nick through the treasure hunts, weaving in little details about their relationship as to challenge Nick and hope that he remembers the things they do together as deeply as she does. Combined with the 2008 recession and declining health of Nick’s mother (the consequences of which will be explored later). As well as Nick’s growing dissatisfaction in the relationship (evidenced by his worsening performances in the treasure hunts, the cheating, using her for sex and ignoring her otherwise, etc). The illusion both Nick and Amy were living in crumbled; they couldn’t possibly sustain their relationship as they were both striving to fulfill reciprocating images for the other.

One of the biggest parts of her character is Amy’s elitism and entitlement, in which she thinks of herself as someone superior, someone that deserves to be loved absolutely for who she is, although only to people she considers worthy.

>”She’s easy to like. I’ve never understood why that’s considered a compliment—that just anyone could like you.” (Book Quote)

Once again this stems from her childhood, in a seemingly contradictory way, she also sees herself as special for being the one that survived from her mother’s attempts, as well as the fact that her birth was so tumultuous that she would be an only child. From this also stems her entitlement for love.

Amy actively looks down upon women she considers “average”, whom she sees as coming from mediocrity and continuously perpetuating that in their lives. She scoffs at them with her wealthy parents and NYC background until her marriage with Nick crumbles. Only then does she realize that she’s become the very woman she would previously disdain. A woman with a failing marriage, the loss of her previous wealth following the recession, and moving to a failed development in Missouri (What the hell’s in Missouri?) for Nick’s mother.

I truly believe this, combined with Nick’s infidelity, and most importantly the loss of her idyllic love culminated in the iconic Gone Girl plan.

>”Nick took and took from me until I no longer existed, that’s murder. Let the punishment fit the crime”.

Nick took Amy’s identity, her sense of self that she so generously revealed to him and rejected her. Implying that she would only be loved if played the role of the “cool girl”; stripping her of who she really was, losing herself in yet another persona. Although Amy admits she doesn’t really have a personality and lives through personas, she still has a semblance of self that she holds dear.

>”-made me realize that there was a Real Amy in there, and she was so much better, more interesting and complicated and challenging, than Cool Amy”. (Book Quote)

Worse yet, Nick had cheated on her with a “newer, younger, bouncer Cool Girl”, leaving Amy in the dust, surely damaging her pride.

But Amy truly fell in love with her idealized version of Nick, believing that she was responsible for shaping that version of Nick. That she deserved that man in his entirety, of course what gets Amy to come back to Nick is the Sharon Scheiber interview, in which he promises to make up with Amy in just the way that makes her think that Nick is the one person who gets her. He makes the little references to their inside jokes (2 fingers on the chin when they’re not bullshitting the other) and a reference to the end of the treasure hunt (always a contentious issue in their relationship). She’s reminded of who he was, that he was once perfect for her, who else could know how to appeal to her heart in just the right way? With the same passion and conviction she reverses the judgment on Nick, clawing her way back to him. She does so in an especially brutal manner, slashing Desi’s throat with a boxcutter right after he climaxes. Putting aside my enormous personal bias against Desi, he was technically an innocent man, taking a great risk in sheltering Amy. However it’s clear that Amy sees him as merely an asset and something to be disposed of once he serves his value, as another prop in her ever evolving masterplan; she did string him along for years through their letter correspondences. He was just another casualty in Amy’s search for idyllic love. She comes back dramatically, literally falling into Nick’s arms while still covered in Desi’s blood like a dress; fabricating an elaborate story about a love obsessed former boyfriend kidnapping and violating her. Despite the glaring holes in her whole story (If Amy’s marriage was as bad as she made it out to be, why did she go back to Nick so easily? How did she get access to a knife and kill him so seamlessly? Why didn’t Amy do anything when she discovered the stuff in Margo’s shed? etc), law enforcement, media, and the public all fully believe it, infatuated with the persona and narrative that Amy’s created for herself. In the end she traps Nick into the marriage and eventually, the family. The last shot of the film is a haunting recall to the beginning shot of the film, as Amy has both revealed and secured herself to be the master of the narrative, finally obtaining her perfect love, no matter what the cost may have been.

Conclusion

Through a constant demand in Amy’s childhood emerges a need for perfection, simultaneously bringing about a sense of superiority and entitlement. The use of personas and façades facilitate this, painting Amy as the most amazing cool girl for whomever she’s performing for, to feed her need to be seen as perfect and desirable. Yet there emerges a psychological detachment from others; as the need to perform inevitably leads to an internal hollowness. However underneath all these layers there also lies the true Amy who has the deep unconscious desire of wanting to be loved absolutely, to have a perfect union of love where she can reveal herself fully and be loved for who she is truly.

>disclaimer for tumblr lol, this is not me trying to claim Amy was innocent I am fully aware that she’s a terribly entitled and narcissistic person but she can still be complex and have relatable desires & be a person even if she’s massively fucked up!!

[topazadine]

How to Build a Sustainable Writing Habit Through SCIENCE (Fuck Off, NaNoWriMo)

This is a lightly edited repost from a previous post on my mostly-defunct blog, topazadine.com. I feel like it's an excellent thing to highlight now that everyone's wondering what the hell do to after NaNoWriMo showed their ass as anti-creative idiots.

I have never liked NaNoWriMo and think, frankly, that it is a garbage tool for new writers. If you've done it and enjoyed it, that's great, but overall, it is not the best way to build motivation. At all.

But why is NaNoWriMo so bad? (Other than the current controversy.)

It encourages younger writers to think of writing as something they do during the months of October through November. Not something they do all year round, day in and day out. People will prep for weeks to do a whole novel in one month and hinge all their writerly hopes on that one singular month.

We won't even get into the fact that November is the absolute shittiest month to try to get a novel done because the holidays are coming up, and many working-class people are busting their asses off to get extra hours in before Christmas.

Writing is something you do all. the. time. It is not bound by a singular month. It is not limited to a certain time of year. And when you are working to complete a draft, it doesn't matter season it is. What matters is that you get it done.

So let me show you something better. But first, why should you listen to me? And why is my method an improvement over a shitty organization's AI-riddled contest?

I wrote the first draft of my novel, Poesy (104,323 words) in 39 days.

That’s an average of 2,647 words per day. It is also about twice as much as the typical person aims for during NaNoWriMo. I did not set out to get it done in any given time period, but I still completed way, way more than NaNoWriMo would require in just about the same amount of time (plus 9 days).

I didn't have a buddy group. I didn't have checkins. I just had me and my keyboard and my secret weapon, which I'll show you in a bit.

How is it possible to get so much more done without that external motivator?

Simple: I compete with myself.

You Need to Develop Intrinsic Motivation

What in the world is intrinsic motivation?

Intrinsic motivation is defined as the doing of an activity for its inherent satisfaction rather than for some separable consequence. When intrinsically motivated, a person is moved to act for the fun or challenge entailed rather than because of external products, pressures, or rewards. Frontiers in Neurobiotics

That is, in essence, what we do when we’re writing for fun; or, rather, it should be what we’re doing when we write for fun.

A lack of intrinsic motivation is why people who see novels as a get-rich-quick scheme tend to burn out when they realize that most writers make less than minimum wage. That's called extrinsic motivation, and it doesn't work well for things like writing, where there may not be any easily-defined goals or motivators. Most of us are not going to become rich from our writing.

Here's why extrinsic motivation is unhelpful:

Extrinsic motivation does not always work best; sometimes it can make us perform poorly at certain tasks. For instance, studies reveal that high stake rewards, like cash bonuses, can hinder cognitive capacity. This happens because they shift our focus away from the task and onto the outcome. We can become preoccupied with rewards and all the things that come with them, such as our social status, instead of just doing the work. Extrinsic rewards also tend to narrow our focus on a defined goal and reduce our ability to see other possibilities, hindering creativity. Studies find people perform worse on tasks requiring imagination and ingenuity when they are offered extrinsic rewards, such as higher pay. Nir and Far

And, well, note that "performing worse on tasks requiring imagination and ingenuity." Extrinsic motivation is literally the WORST motivator for writing specifically.

NaNoWriMo is extrinsic motivation, which is not anywhere near as powerful or sustaining as intrinsic motivation. You want to get the shiny achievement award, so you just bang out 50,000 words of slop because you want to say you did it.

You're not motivated by anything but the outcome. That does not a sustainable writing practice make.

But there’s something about intrinsic motivation I want to highlight, because it’s crucial to what I am about to show you: the challenge.

Sometimes writing is a total slog because we’re worrying about all the other things and not on the words themselves. We’re fussing about whether we will ever get published, if we’ve added enough tension in a certain part, if our mom is going to read our porn and realize what a freak they raised.

You cannot think about those things while actively writing.

Instead, you need to focus on the writing process itself. John Schinnerer, a psychologist and life coach, explains further:

Remember as you are in the process of achieving your goals that the enjoyment comes from the doing not the attaining. It is important to find contentment in the act of pursuing the goal while placing less weight on the actual fulfillment of the goal itself.  PsychCentral

So we know you need to find the challenge fun, and you need to focus on the act of putting the words on the page.

In other words, you need to make it a contest with yourself. Here’s how.

Use a Word Count Spreadsheet

Finally! We get to why I’m telling you this! It's free, it's easy, it can be done all year round.

A daily word count spreadsheet is an amazing way to stay motivated and to keep pushing yourself to write because you can literally see the wins rack up. Every day, the word count jumps significantly, which can be much more motivating than just “oh, I’m at 8,453 words.”

More importantly, you’ll start to want to beat your “high score” from the day before.

I’ve highlighted one of the cells so that you can see the simple formula that you need to set up: it’s just yesterday’s count minus today’s count.

Put that in one cell, then click and drag the bottom righthand corner of the cell, and it will populate the rest of the cells in that column with the adjusted formula (B4-B3, and so on).

This is very easy to create. All you have to do is copy-paste the wordcount from your document into your spreadsheet, make sure you have that super-simple formula, and you're done. I have severe dyscalculia and can still use it.

But you can see how much this really helped me:

Things started to really ramp up right at the end because I was getting so motivated by the word counts of the day previous. I wanted to beat yesterday’s high score and keep going.

At the beginning, I was writing maybe 1.9k words; by the end, I was an absolute demon, regularly breaking over 2.8k and then some. On the last day, when the rest of the family was in a post-Christmas hangover, my butt was glued to my chair, banging out those last few thousand words.

Psychologists and life coaches agree that self-competition, a type of intrinsic motivation, is one of the best ways to improve.

Michelle Gibbings, a workplace expert, explains:

When you compete with yourself, you don’t become fixated on what other people are doing; you set the direction and speed. You put yourself in the driver’s seat and control your progress, setting meaningful goals rather than focusing on the progress of others. Michelle Gibbings

Making a word count spreadsheet like this is the definition of setting your own speed and controlling your progress. You can decide on a threshold you always want to hit and then feel very satisfied when you go beyond that.

I set my threshold at 1.5k words every day so that I didn’t feel bummed out when I had an off day and couldn’t get a lot done, but I really wanted my average to be around 2k, so I’d periodically check how close I was to that. If I had a terrible day or was busy, then I’d want to make up for lost time and write more the next day so I kept my average.

Now, I live a life that is quite advantageous to consistent writing: I’m single, I’m childless, I work from home, and most of my hobbies are pretty low-key.

Your life doesn’t look like mine, and that’s totally okay.

There’s no need to match the speed I showed here.

What matters is that your schedule works for you, and that you are consistent.

If you’re a caretaker or have a strenuous job, then set your threshold at just 100 words and aim for an average of 500. However, you’ll be sad if your spreadsheet has a blank cell, so you’ll want to get down at least something, even if you only have 15 minutes to write.

Plus, it’s so encouraging to see the word count go up day by day: much more satisfying than just seeing it in tiny font at the bottom of a Word document or Google Doc.

Or getting some dumb t-shirt from an organization that is actively trying to murder creativity for commercial gain. (Oh, and they protected an actual pedophile from consequences for months on end while he continued to groom children. But that was last year's controversy.)

There’s another reason why this particular method works so well for writers, though.

Word Counts Banish the Urge to Edit

You know you shouldn’t, but you do it anyway. A single word here. A removed sentence there.

The first draft is just about getting everything out, not fixing everything that needs fixing. That part comes later during your five billion revisions where you tweak every single word.

Revising means you have less to work with, which means you have less development. You can get rid of anything that shouldn’t be there when you’ve gotten to that very satisfying “The End” page.

If you are motivated by the spreadsheet method, then you are screwing yourself over if you edit.

Your word count went down! It looks like you did less than you did! You’re losing! Best add more, and fast!

(I had to include my placeholder chapter names; it was obligatory.)

Use strikethrough! Now you know exactly what you’ll be getting rid of when you get to the end of your draft, but you’re not decimating your word count. I removed the entire beginning of the book; that scene is super cute, though, so I later turned it into its own one-shot on my AO3 page.

I prefer doing that because then, if you find that you actually wanted to keep that scene or move it elsewhere, all you have to do is copy-paste from the old version, remove the strikethrough, and you’re all good.

So that’s my tool. It’s really that simple.

But even though it’s so simple, it works wonders for your motivation and consistency, which are crucial for a good writer.

Are you going to give it a whirl? You may find it nervewracking at first, but I encourage you to sample this method, especially if you have a hard time getting motivated.

And if you enjoyed this article, maybe you'll consider purchasing my debut novel, 9 Years Yearning.

This is not the book I drafted last year; it is in fact a prequel of sorts to that first novel. However, it helps set the scene for Poesy (the sixth book in the Eirenic Verses) so that you'll be all prepped for the masterpiece.

9 Years Yearning is a coming of age romance that follows the life of two young soldiers as they go from sorta-enemies, to frenemies, to friends, and then finally to lovers. It is a short read; you can probably finish it in about 2 hours all the way through. Perfect for a weekend romp.

If you do read my book, please don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are essential to success on Amazon as they boost visibility. (Yes, even bad ones.) Always leave reviews, no matter how short, to support indie authors!

[foyle-writes-things]

So hi! The name is Foyle! Or you can call me D.M. or Dez if you prefer, doesn't really matter to me lol.

As far as writing goes- I've been doing this for a hot minute (sent my first query letter at 15 f'in years old what pluck i had as a child lol), and among my works I can include:

A high fantasy novel

An Urban Fantasy YA Novel Based on Them Thar Greek Gods

And a few other Urban Fantasy Style Novels (because they are fun sue me)

However, more recently I've stepped into a space where sci-fi, hacking, technology, and crime/psychological-thriller all intersect.

Shoot me a note if you want to be on my tag list 🫡

You can follow me elsewhere:

And feel free to check out mywebsite:

-Tags-

TangledWires (for snippets)

foylefumbles (for my commentary and more)

tangledwires/Tanged Wires (for book update news and general TW ramblings)

WIPS UNDER THE CUT....

Tangled Wires Book 1 (STATUS UPDATE: PREORDER LINK LIVE-- Release Date 1/11/25!!!!!!!)

Raz knows two things, computers - and that people can't be trusted. However on the run, and with the head of the Russian mob seeking to put her back in a cage Raz must quickly decide if Emet Shultz of the FBI can be trusted, and if he can help her unlock the treacherous secrets of her past. As the past reveals itself, one thing becomes clear- nothing is as it seems, and sometimes lies are easier to stomach than the truth.

-WIPS-

Tangled Wires: Book 2 (Currently in Progress, 20k words)

*cackling*

Ethereal Mischief: Book one of the EM Trilogy (complete)

Summary: Okay, really. Who expects to be murdered on their birthday? Definitely not Althea; and especially not by a god straight out of mythology. Hades however, is real and hell bent on using Althea as a tool to fulfill his own desires. From her own identity to her mother’s death, Hades reveals that her entire life has been a carefully constructed lie. In a world where a broken promise can lead to a lifetime of debt, Althea must fight against those who seek to control her.

Divine Intervention: Book two of the EM Trilogy (also complete but first draft)

Summary: Dealing with the reality that mythology is NOT in fact myth was one thing. Dealing with the fact that her dead mother was NOT in fact dead- but a goddess, and very much alive was another. Now Althea has new problem. As real as the Greek God of pantheons has become, she is suddenly dragged into a deep feud between the Greek and Norse pantheon, when twin girls show up on her doorstep half dead and desperate to get home. Will Althea be able to help them? Or will helping them only push her further down the path to madness? 

Angels of Requiem (in progress, just a bby WIP)

;)

A World Apart (in progress) 

Summary: Ya Fantasy novel split between the lives of two young women in parallel dimensions (urban fantasy YA).

Legends of Taelaec (completed)

Summary: High fantasy story about young girls discovering who they truly are after the tragic and sudden death of their mother (high fantasy).

[zarvasace]

It’s “appreciate yourself” hours! Pick five pieces of writing/art that you’ve done that you love and talk about them! ❤️❤️❤️

Ahhhh okay, thank you!! 💜🌻 I finally have a free moment (aka work is slow) so I'm going to work on drafting this out :) I have far too much art I'm proud of—I'm at a stage in my progress right now where I think my art looks pretty awesome. So this list will be stuff from my Greatest Hits collection on AO3. In order of oldest to newest, I think:

incandescently happy

An LU post-adventure work, one of the first longer fics I posted. I released one chapter a day over the summer of 2022, so a lot of the notes have something about my day in them. It's about 30k all told.

I absolutely adored expanding on what the boys might do after the whole LU adventure happens (though I did forget about the fact that I think Time and Malon have a kid during this time!) This work features some proto-Shatterproof stuff, like Wind having a prosthetic leg and Four starting to specialize in crafting prosthetics/disability aids. I gave Hyrule longer hair and a job making maps for the royal family. Legend got another adventure but also started a magic garden/orchard, which pulls in more business than Ravio's stuff. Four and his grandpa adopted a single mother and her two kids. Man I went off with some of these headcanons. I've always considered writing more in this world, but I think it stands very well on its own. Maybe someday I might revisit and rewrite it with some of my new skills. :)

Rise and Shine and Fall

Whumptober 2022, focused entirely on LU! Guys this thing is almost 78k. I realize now that most people pre-plan or pre-write for things like Whumptober, but I wrote these one by one every day, which was extra-hard because I had both college classes and a day job at the time. I came up with some fun AUs, learned a lot about writing (especially whump), and proved to myself that I can do hard things like this!! I've adored doing daily challenges since, though I haven't done it in a while. I look forward to this year's whumptober though!

I really like the table of contents in the first chapter—it makes things easy to find. I know individual works are probably more accessible, but I was still getting to know AO3, and those big numbers are fun. XD I have a hard time picking favorites, because I really went off on these, but I'd say a couple of them are:

Chp 3, "Right Here" about Sky

Chp 7, "Proof of Life" about Four and Shadow

Chp 18, "I'm onwy a babey :(" about Wind

Chp 21, "6:13" about Hyrule and Time

Chp 26, "Silence is Golden" about Wild

Chp 31-32, "The Worst Thing About Earth" about Legend, but kind of more specifically the rewrite/expansion I did last year... haha...

The Marvelous Misadventures of Wind and His Merry Band or Maybe-Human Heroes

It's been a while since I updated this story (56k, 6/8 chapters), but it's constantly on my mind. I've started chapter 7 twice, and I know what I want to happen, but I am easily distracted by the siren call of some other whump fics. XD

I freaking love this story, though. I really want to finish it. It's kind of an... experiment? I guess? I want to get published someday, and I picture myself writing middle-grade novels. This story is sort of my attempt to hit that tone. Also I just love Wind so so so much. Let him be cool!!

Blood-Sucker's Guide to High School

56k Four Swords completed story! I wrote this in a frenzy of like two or three weeks, then took another two to edit. It takes plot points from a vampire novel I enjoyed and twists and applies them to a story about Shadow and the Four Swords manga boys. I'm very proud of what I accomplished here, and that it's a complete story! I think it worked out really well. I learned a lot about plotting and handling larger stories, and it helped that I had the half-remembered structure of an existing novel to use as training wheels.

I love the worldbuilding in this story! The premise is that Shadow is an evil soulless vampire from a (rather abusive, not that he sees it) family of the same, but then he gets the ability to walk in the sunshine. He's assigned to go to high school for a while to get a feast for the vampire gala, but meanwhile he's developing a conscience and getting very attached to these human boys. I think I did a good job. I love rereading this, every scene is just so fun! :)

Counterbalance

55k exactly of a stupid LU darks AU. This started life as a series of oneshots and then the plot progressively got more and more convoluted and I love these stupid boys so much. The plot is very much not tight, in contrast to Blood-Sucker's Guide, but I learned a lot about how I write and how I like to plan with this one, too.

The characters are stupid and the plot is just kinda silly and there is both a bathhouse scene AND a spa scene. Legend blows up multiple things, my lovely nasty little Dark Links need smacks and therapy, and Prince has a legitimately emotional moment at the end. I love how it turned out, it's like an ugly little stuffed animal I made and hug until the eyes pop out.

That's five but I would be extremely remiss if I did not also mention something from Shatterproof:

The Incredible Shrinking Chain

About 10k, this is entry 31/68 in my series Shatterproof, which is a close-canon AU in which each of the boys has a different physical disability. This series also plays into my publishing ambitions, because whatever I publish will very likely have some disability representation. I'm rather passionate about it, actually! Shatterproof is close to my heart, and I'm so honored that so many people seem to love it too. :) I need to work on the next entry again!!

This entry in particular is so much fun. In it, the whole Chain sans Four is stuck mouse-sized, and Four has to travel out to Twilight's castle with them to get Dusk to help break the curse. They all have to figure out how to navigate while tiny, and Four pulls some very silly stunts. I love them.

Anyway, there's my list!! I've written a lot over the last like two and a half years, and I'm so so glad that I get to be here and part of this community. The LU fandom as a whole (or at least the parts I've seen!) is so welcoming and positive and I try to give back where I can! I'm going to suggest looking through my bookmarks and ultimate rec list collection to find some new favorites from some very talented authors! :) (oof I need to update the collection soon!! I've been seeing some awesome stuff!)

[roach-works]

There is word going around that tumblr is moving to be a legacy project and will eventually be sunsetted. Ive been following your work for probably close to a decade, and id hate to lose track of you if tumblr goes down eventually. Is there anywhere else i can continue to follow and support you?

the sky has been falling on tumblr since forever, and yet i stick around. i don't know where else i'd actually enjoy, and im not interested in having a flood of people pitch me new alternatives. i know what i like, and i like tumblr, so ill probably ride this bizarre hellsite to the very last stop.

i might get a bluesky or a pillowfort eventually--if i do, i'll announce it. im finally going to have more time for creative work this winter, so it's possible i'll finally haul myself bitching and moaning on to instagram.

the boat boys series is getting another novel-length installment; in fact, the sequel to after the storm turned out to be three novels long, and so now the focus is on editing book two act one into publishing shape. it's probably going to be published like After the Storm, as a wordpress serial.

i've also recently finished the rough draft of my first solo novel, a coming of age superhero romcom. it's been pretty funny watching everyone start nano just as i typed The End on a story that took me a year and a half. anyway my goal this winter is to get the manuscript into decent shape and then hunt down an agent. if any agents have also been following my tumblr for a decade, hi, i love you, please save me.

after all that, im thinking ill either learn rug tufting or get really into furry porn. possibly both! gigantic neon monster penis could be a very fun subject for throw rugs.

anyway, i have a lot of cool stuff in motion im very excited to share, and ill find a way to let people know about it. thanks for sticking around!

[scribble-dee-vee]

Writeblr Intro circa 2024

Hi writeblr!! Sooo, I've been around here since about 2014. (Yes, I am ancient.) However, I've been dormant for the past 4-5 years. Blame college and a brief stint on Twitter. Now that I'm active again, I thought I should make an updated writeblr intro so ppl know my Deal. Basically, I want to engage with other folks who write fiction (esp original SF), and that's a little easier if I have a clear post that outlines what I do. Here to make connections and hear about your blorbos :)

About me

Hi, I'm Vee! They/them, 23, 💖 🤍 🧡

I do journalism/comms in western New York

My literary jam is feminist/adult SF and gothic lit (OG or modern) 🥀 ⚔️ 🌙

Enthusiastic about gay people, body horror, and sociopolitical allegories

I cook, run, play tabletop games, and occasionally draw. Other than that, I'm mostly writing (for work and for fun)

If you were on pre-2020 writeblr, you likely know me from my eight billion daily tag games. (I still like tag games and appreciate u for tagging me. I have also gained adult responsibilities and better mental health, so I respond very slowly now. <3)

Always happy to get asks or dms, tho as I've noted: I may reply slowly.

Sometimes open to beta read! I only read one longer project at a time, but it's always super fun :)

I tag very consistently – happy to tag triggers for followers/moots

Fun fact: I love mushroom hunting and worked as a mycology TA. #cottagecoreera 🍄 🧚‍♀️ 🌱

About my creative writing

I write,,,, feminist/adult SF with gothic leanings (surprise!)

Longform and short! Trying to do more short writing this year, and I'll likely share a bit on Tumblr. It's easier to clip a short story than a 150k novel, god bless.

The Aesthetic: moral g(r)ays, Victoriana, androids/cyborgs, Women™, monstrous femininity, incessant Hamlet/Frankenstein motifs, extremely boring socioeconomic worldbuilding, evil queens and/or dilfs, psychosexual witchcraft, probably a cat. Also, an ominous, plot-relevant letter laced with anthrax from your unhinged and brilliant ex-wife. Open if you dare.

Major projects

I'm going to be writing some short work this year, but these are the longer projects that I have going in the background. If I reblog blorbo-related text posts, they probably have something to do with these.

Let me know if you want to be added to any project-specific taglists 😎

Heart of Lead – Series

The big one

Perpetually evolving

Never ceasing

Pls send help I can't stop adding shit

5-book gothic fantasy epic that I'll definitely publish one day but probably no time soon! My bastard child, my wicked firstborn, my greatest love <3

Character-oriented political drama set in a pseudo-Victorian, dystopian oligarchy where everyone's heart is made out of metal. It's about coming of age and discovering queer identity in a world that is absolutely fucked. God is an extraterrestrial lesbian who gives ppl very traumatizing magic powers. There are cyborgs, shapeshifters, and morally gray women in STEM. It's tight as fuck idk what else what to tell u.

Book 1 is about achillean monarchists, and book 2 is about sapphic anarchists. There are only two genders, I guess.

At this point, I've drafted most of the books at least once. Working to refine a lot of raw material atm!

Tag: "heart of lead tag" or "hol tag"

Lost Letters – Book

Aka the current active HoL WIP, and book one in the revised series structure

Length: 80k as of now; around 120-140k when the first draft is finished, I presume.

Genre: adult fantasy, gothic, noir detective drama?? um?? If you want me to frame it in BookTok terms (why?) it's a dark academia villain x villain tragic romantasy. Hrgh.

Summary: Cyborg soldier goes to college, joins a shady socialite frat, and falls in love with the jilted heir-apparent to the throne. Hilarity ensues.

(By "hilarity," I mean a militant revolutionary faction and a tragedy of Greek proportions.)

POV characters: Charles (the cyborg), Dale (the heir), and Cecelia (Charles' sister, a junior detective, the love of my life and potentially the Chosen One???)

This book is twisty and dark and immensely fun to write.

I'm about halfway through the first full draft! Hoping to share snippets and vaguepost about my children here.

Tag: "lost letters tag" (also "hol tag," tho that one's less specific)

The Last of Mortal Tourists – Book

The next longform project on the docket!

Length: a standalone work that will hopefully fall on the shorter novel/novella spectrum.

Genre: literary SF, cyberqueer, psychological space quest

Summary: The consciousness of a dead coding genius, trapped inside a spaceship, seeks a new planet to sustain their sister, the last surviving human, after the destruction of Earth.

If you're here to get wildly philosophical about gender and the myth of essential self, this is the story for you! That's why I'm writing it, lol. 🏳️‍⚧️ 🚀 🤖

This one started out as a short story (100% finished) which I want to expand.

POV: Archer Alto, the coder. Spaceship? Human? Soul?

Supporting Cast: Pandora, the last human, and Abby, a holographic impression of Archer's childhood consciousness

Tag: "the last of mortal tourists tag" or "tlomt tag"

If you read all this way, you get a whole bouquet of flowers that are certainly NOT poisonous: 🌸 🌹 💐 🥀 🌺

<3

[starzgaze]

hope you don't mind me ranting rq--

i constantly think about your yan!Hae-In and yan!Jinwoo ideas because they're so fun to mess around with.

bc what if the readers honest to god reaction to either of then confessing to then was "i don't feel the dame way.. you wanna see this cool bug i found?"

that OR the reader is a little freak of a poet and writes romance novels with concerningly detailed cannibalism scenes and is more interested in the shadow ants than either of them.

also i'm planning on writing a fic about the cannibal poet reader, but it's going to take a while because i'm shit at writing-

LMFAOO IDC IF U FLOOD MY INBOX ITS FINEEE more people to talk to anyway because im a bit of a pussy to talk straight up to my mutuals sigh

also thanks i actually have alot in my drafts its just most of them are unfinished and i have no idea if i should let them see the light of day or not... same with w.jc , chi, and sjw sick day fic LMFAOO uhhmm anyway!!

that's actually something i lovvee experienting with lowkey especially as someone who takes a big looong time to realize 'oh they liked me" and it's been fucking months since they confessed but anyqay I actually act like that most of the time it's pretty bad anywaaay this is funny as hell with yandere jinhae who's TRYING their best to make you swoon even if they're not the best with romance but you still don't... budge... bur hey you'll show them some cool colored bug you picked off the side walk! that's hopefully not a mutated monster that escaped a dungeon.

anyway more on the first idea this probably either ends really well or horribly depending on how both jinwoo and haein receives this ooooooorrr the circumstances really on how much they both value you but since im a freak for borderline this is insanity why are you writing this type of literature let's say that if you rejected then you have one swordswoman who accidentally fucks you up psychologically (I don't see haein someone who would do it willingly or deliberately gets enjoyment from it) but with jinwoo its a bit complicated to say because each person has a different take on how jinwoo perceives romance and how he processes feelings but since its my post im going with it's probably borderline fucked up if we consider the fact the more he levels up or grows the more apathetic or inhumane he becomes! im gonna abuse the hell out of this concept

but anywya with jinwoo u're probably gonna either get straight up kidnapped OR because you're lowkey desensitized and carefree that maybe kidnapping doesn't really have any affect on you then he might just sends weird eldritch horrors depictions of death and darkness when you're about to sleep so now you need a cute bug themes night light to sleep because no way you're letting some death incarnate screw up your sleeping schedule.

also those two as an attempt to maybe sway you might get into bugs or whatever little interests like jinwoo is having small consultations with beru or has him on standby everytime he spends time with you or haein overcoming her trauma (this takes place after jeju island) and learns and starts to love bugs just for you to reciprocate her feelings then these two quiz eachother on who knows more and what not it's literally amusing to see them debates over fuckinf caterpillars when you returned with take out because they insisted hanging out with you

anyway now on the latter I LOVE LOVE grotesque depictions of love especially like with murder OR cannibalism like how probably eating eachother is like a way of showing affection and how now your love will always be inside of them (literally) or something along the lines!! it's actually so cool how it's portrayed in media i need some suggestions actually anyway in the context of jinhae and mc being a poet uhmmm I'm not sure because i suck at making poems so im not the best on how to... make this work... i hate writing poems but I'll stick witj the theme of being a romance horror writer but not what you think of like colleen hoover or whomever the fuck wrote haunting adeline (god please i hope those books gets SMITED off the face of earth because this has stained dark romance to the point i dont even wanna acknowledge dark romance as a genre).

if you're a popular horror writer who specializes on creeping out your readers but still somehow delivers a good message or screwedd up message in between the lines of ripped boddies and intestines then jinhae has probably heard of you before like definitely.

like the themes of your books or poems to other people seems to be very disgusting or only written for the shock value but maybe to jinwoo or haein they have a whooole different meaning or one of your books/poems struck them really deep they got into a bit of a rabbit hole going through your collection as an author. i can definitely see both of them becoming fans and attending meet and greets.

oh my god a thought came to me and it's basically how would these two act in the internet if your name was beinf slandered like because your books or poems is not well perceived by all because you would occasionally write screwed up romance that you do not condone at all!! it's all for the sake of symbolism and experimentation with the material but anyway these two would have different reactions to this

for example haein seems to be the type to not be sooo like... like how do i explain this shes the type to have an anonymous account and goes to those forums to have actual discussions and tries to be civil as she can be when she tries to convert these haters why they should like you because i can't see her going as far to try to find this individual's address BUT but im just saying if ever that same hater was in the same dungeon raid as haein, there's no guarantee that haein will probably let them... die and say it was an accident.

anyway jinwoo is less interactive on the internet and is more of a lurker but he's probably the definitely the type to send ominous messages and then appear on their doorstep next morning or even minute if they're that unlucky LMFAO. another case of missing people otw!!

oh and i lowkey love the whooole idea of if you have a writer darling no matter how screwed or how fluffy their stories are the person or people who loves them will try to recreate this. yeaaah i can see this happening with jinwoo and haein and the tiny competition they have is who performed it better.

like for example if you written a poem about the elegant slashes of a sword on how it glides so easily through certain monsters, haein would try to replicate the feeling and explains to jinwoo that she obviously is better at portraying at this because she is a certified swordswoman or something along the lines and honestly jinwoo can't exactly argue against that because she's right but he won't admit it

then with paragraphs that depicts the most grueling experience of death and what not is something jinwoo is really familiar with and he's the type to copy it by doing it on random monsters he encounters in dungeons or even certain monarchs if they're that unlucky or jinwoo feels a biiit experimental LMFAO yeah okay what my brain is fried.

oh talking about darling being a horror romance writer, the moment jinwoo introduces his shadows or you find out about you become absolutely infatuated with them and the whoole idea like especially they're permanently serving death that's a pretty neat idea to you.

you start to write more and talk less to jinwoo and mooore to the shadows, it's pretty funny to see but you didn't notice the fact jinwoo is fuming in the background as he watches you get into in depth discussions with igris and bellion about their past lives and how you'll implement their experiences in a poem

yeha kay thats it my brain wugh dead bye uhm yeah talk to me more i love this sm thanks for food for thought

[wildcatfourteen]

how do you come up with such interesting composition? your pieces are always so captivating 💗

thank youuuuuuuuuu <33 and the truth is. idk. i am kinda just winging it and making a lot of adjustments as i go.... im not very orderly about it and have my thoughts kinda all over the place. heres some examples under the cut w what process pics i could find

direction process goes >>>

first did a pencil sketch for big shapes. was just placing stuff down. i wanted to make ref sheets for an art trade but didnt want to make a traditional type bc i hate drawing ppl standing full body (bc im bad at it 👍) also i did not have specific outfits in mind and was going more for a reference of the general vibe of the characters, so i just wanted a full body pose + face close up. to avoid having to show specific details. bc i was cheating. was originally going to have multiple text bubbles around for the character facts

did like two sketches digitally. messed around a LOT with placement. the little emote heads came out of me feeling like it was empty and boring on its own and they are fun to draw so why not include them. the multiple text bubbles seemed like a bad idea now so i took them out and just did one text wall.

i actually dont like the text wall now and think breaking it up wouldve been more fun visually but that would've required effort i didnt wanna put in LOL

^ i lost the pencil sketch for this one (i always do a pencil sketch) but it was actually just the two half body drawings at first with none of that shit at the bottom or the close ups until i was like fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i gotta add smth around to make this look like theres stuff happening..... the idea was to draw the two main characters of the labb novel in some kinda comic format w panels around and i then. kept adding things until it seemed like i was getting somewhere. thats kind of my process for everything TT i think it helps to stay in a workshopping stage for longer if needed to get somewhere but i often get impatient LOL

im putting a stupid note abt this here bc im still annoyed at myself but in this novel, there was a bit about a crossword puzzle related to a murder case and i only thought of it afterwards that it would be kinda cool to put the sugar cubes in like a crossword puzzle formation....... why didnt i do that......

^ and heres some of the process for this one, but i lost a LOT of the steps for this. the beginning was totally different. the character wasnt as pathetic and scared looking at first but then i was like uhhhhh lets draw him that way :)

the first pencil draft was from a different perspective and it was gonna have a mirror composition to it kinda? but i wasn't able to make that look appealing so i deleted it. it still had the curtains tho but then i also included stuff with framed mirrors + other frames around

i decided to instead make the curtains be the focus of the whole piece to not make it so cluttered. character's pose was so different at first it was so bad i dont even wanna remember it. i took out the frames entirely bc i didnt think they added much to the piece in terms of the atmosphere. since like. the more i worked on it w the character's + the goat's expressions the more it gave a 'being hunted' feeling to it and portrait frames dont fit that vibe. which feels funny bc u look at it and thats all u can think abt but i wasnt even gunning for that when starting out. BE FLEXIBLE. TRUST THE PROCESS.

[tc-doherty]

@bluejay-in-flight

I'm not sure if this is going to be helpful to you and it's kind of ramble-y but! Here's what I have to say about me and first drafts, and some suggestions as to how to enjoy them more:

For me personally, I write because I love the act of writing so first drafts are super fun but editing is work and is more difficult for me

I don't plan a lot! I plan as little as possible in fact. Planning is work too, and writing is about having fun!

What I love about writing first drafts is the chaos and the creativity and the freedom to be super messy and super silly and slapdash, it's about discovering things about my characters and groping my way forward and seeing what I can come up with!

I personally love writing stuff that sucks LMAO I love writing trash. I am in love with the process of pure creative nonsense and writing things that no one is ever going to see and not having to be perfect or polished because that's what editing is for!

Although you like editing (at least more than writing a first draft) you said that you still struggle with perfectionism and I suppose you should try to figure out why that's the case.

I don't have very many pieces of writing advice but some of the ones that I do live by is "write it now, fix it later" and "it's always okay to write the stupidest possible version". The first draft only exists to get the story out there, and the editing exists to make it look like you knew what you were doing all along.

Do you share your first drafts with people? Would you be embarrassed for them to see something unpolished? If not then I think you should maybe try to find a way to be a little kinder with yourself. To cut yourself more slack. There's certainly something to be said for saving yourself effort down the line, but you're still going to have to edit it anyway so there's absolutely no reason to be perfect on the first draft

People who can plan out things and write good first drafts are incredible to me because I absolutely cannot live that life, but I also think I have a lot more fun overall even if it means I have to write 6 or 7 drafts of something before it's good

I also think that it's no good editing until you have the full story so getting caught up in perfectionism with the first draft - when the story is still being formed - is causing yourself to expend more effort on it because you don't actually know the changes that you're gonna need yet (again though, I don't plan anything so take that with a grain of salt)

So what can you do about it?

It's one thing to train yourself in discipline, that's something that's pretty well studied

BUT if you want to train yourself in a lack of discipline, I actually think that's not as easy. You can of course try to force yourself to write without editing but that might stress you out and make the experience not fun, which means you're significantly more likely to not do it again

So I would suggest trying to make it a game for yourself. Try to find the joy of writing something unpolished, in whatever way works for you. Maybe do some time based writing challenges? Like in the way that NaNoWriMo gets people past that because the time limit of one month forces you to keep going! but that might be a bit intense to start with because it is a full novel and a full month

If you could get some friends involved and do time challenges together maybe you could begin enjoying the process of just writing something as it first comes to mind, and you and your friends can have fun laughing about all of your silly writing afterwards

Or maybe you could find some people to RP with, because that's certainly a different kind of writing that doesn't allow you to get super bogged down because you're not doing all of the work

And I also highly recommend writing the absolute most self-indulgent nonsense possible that is purely for you and no one else is ever going to read it because that can be very freeing!

Some people also find it helpful to actually label something as "the dumb version" or "the bad version" because it gives them internal "excuses" to write something that isn't polished.

Well, I don't know if any of this will be helpful to you but I hope so! I know I use the words "fun" and "enjoy" a lot but I really think writing first drafts should be fun. I think writing should be fun! Because after all, we love writing don't we? Finding the particular joy in each stage of writing can go a long way to helping you get through it and help you really appreciate the entire process ^__^

[moodsandtenses]

Dracula's Guest: in which a business trip gets off to a rough start

Welcome back to Dracula Daily season! If you want to kick things off a little early this year, why not treat yourself to a read-through of Dracula’s Guest? Cut from the novel in the drafting process (ETA: the specifics of where exactly it fit into the plot of Dracula are a little fuzzy, for complicated reasons), and later published as a separate short story, it takes place today on April 30, also known as Walpurgis Nacht. The whole thing’s available here, thanks to Project Gutenberg.

Some further discussion of this absolute wild ride of a not-quite-canon side trip below:

Dracula’s patented “when in doubt, address the problem with Wolves” strategy gets off to an early start

We join Dracula’s guest - unnamed in the story, but pretty obviously Rough Draft Jonathan Harker - in Munich, on the first leg of his business trip to Transylvania. If this had been part of the finished book, it would have really front-loaded the tension, giving Jonathan a whole Vampire Sidequest to get involved in before he even gets to Transylvania. A few fun facts worth noting here: 

The Dracula Daily community has done a lot to rehabilitate Jonathan Harker’s reputation, restoring his place as a courageous, resourceful vampire hunter and countering the pop-culture image of him as a clueless naif that’s persisted since the early film adaptations. Rough Draft Jonathan, meanwhile…well, he really is a whole lot more Like That. The whole first chunk of “Dracula’s Guest” mostly consists of him cheerfully ignoring a SPECTACULAR parade of red flags: 

Whereupon he burst out into a long story in German and English, so mixed up that I could not quite understand exactly what he said, but roughly I gathered that long ago, hundreds of years, men had died there and been buried in their graves; and sounds were heard under the clay, and when the graves were opened, men and women were found rosy with life, and their mouths red with blood. And so, in haste to save their lives (aye, and their souls!—and here he crossed himself) those who were left fled away to other places, where the living lived, and the dead were dead and not—not something. He was evidently afraid to speak the last words. As he proceeded with his narration, he grew more and more excited. It seemed as if his imagination had got hold of him, and he ended in a perfect paroxysm of fear—white-faced, perspiring, trembling and looking round him, as if expecting that some dreadful presence would manifest itself there in the bright sunshine on the open plain. Finally, in an agony of desperation, he cried: “Walpurgis nacht!” and pointed to the carriage for me to get in. All my English blood rose at this, and, standing back, I said: “You are afraid, Johann—you are afraid. Go home; I shall return alone; the walk will do me good.” The carriage door was open. I took from the seat my oak walking-stick—which I always carry on my holiday excursions—and closed the door, pointing back to Munich, and said, “Go home, Johann—Walpurgis-nacht doesn’t concern Englishmen.”

Abandoned village plagued by rumors of the Un-Dead? Carriage driver crossing himself repeatedly and refusing to go near the place? Even the horses are panicking and trying to get away? Sounds like a lovely place for an afternoon stroll! Sorry, I’m simply too English for foreshadowing. 

(Maybe this is just what comes of being engaged to Mina Murray, goth girl extraordinaire, who will later display the same “when in doubt, make a beeline for the creepiest local ghost stories” approach to vacation planning in Whitby.)

The inscription on the tomb of the vampire that Jonathan 1.0 encounters - who might or might not be one of the Brides of Dracula - identifies her as “COUNTESS DOLINGEN OF GRATZ, IN STYRIA.” Styria is, of course, the setting of Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu’s 1872 vampire novel Carmilla, suggesting a direct connection between the two stories that didn't make it into the final novel.

The tomb is also inscribed with a Russian translation of “The Dead Travel Fast,” the same line from the German gothic ballad Lenore that will later get quoted at Jonathan on his first encounter with Dracula himself. He just cannot get away from that quote (and the gothic heroine narrative parallels inherent therein). 

Jonathan is saved from his nearly-fatal encounter with Countess Dolingen by a very familiar wolf, before being rescued by a search party of soldiers (who are understandably pretty freaked out about the whole affair). The maître d’ of his hotel later reveals to him that he knew to send out a search party thanks to a quietly hilarious telegram from Dracula himself, who’s evidently decided to take proactive steps to protect his guest/investment/snack for later:

Bistritz. Be careful of my guest—his safety is most precious to me. Should aught happen to him, or if he be missed, spare nothing to find him and ensure his safety. He is English and therefore adventurous. There are often dangers from snow and wolves and night. Lose not a moment if you suspect harm to him. I answer your zeal with my fortune.—Dracula.

The whole story is obviously Not Canon as far as Dracula proper is concerned - and in particular, the more oblivious narrator here is a pretty far cry from the Jonathan we've all come to know and love over the past several time loops. But all the same, it's a fascinating look at what could have been, and furnishes some intriguing ingredients for Dracula-adjacent storytelling (thanks to that Carmilla connection in particular). And it is pretty funny to imagine Jonathan going through All That and then just cheerfully getting back to travel-blogging his trip for Mina like absolutely nothing happened. All like, “Well, that was terrifying! Anyway.”

[askbensolo]

Journal Entry #55: Updates on my novel and also my life

So, the blurrg sex scene probably isn’t integral to the main thread of my novel. But, I’m hesitant to cut it because I think it would be kriffing hilarious to tell people there’s a sex scene in my story, only for them to find out two-thirds of the way in that it’s just two blurrgs blurrging it on.

Also, the fact that I witnessed it with my own two eyes on Ryloth means I have to share the trauma.

A few more no-context spoilers for fun:

Fannie’s Sisters Casually Emasculate Me Over Dinner

Fifty Teenage Twi’lek Boys, One Brain Cell

Pennie Pentarra is Not the Innocent Victim I Thought She Was

Ruut Pentarra Joins the Club of People Who Disapprove of Me Dating Fannie (But Because He Thinks I Could Do Better)

Fannie and I Spent the Night in a Sex Dungeon (Nothing Happened)

And also…

Fannie and I Broke Up (Again)

So! I’ve spoiled the ending for you! You don’t even need to read it!!

Did I write this post mainly because I didn’t know how else to announce my breakup? Maybe. Possibly.

It’s not like it’s a surprise or anything. I think we all saw it coming.

Well, except for her, maybe.

…

Well—anyway.

I thought writing a novel about my own life would be easy because I didn’t actually have to come up with the plot, but—there is actually an art to arranging the details in a way that flows and makes sense. So, even though I’m like 80% done with my first draft already…I know it’s kind of garbage at this point, and I’ll have to do quite a bit of polishing.

Luckily, I will have lots of time to do that! Because…I finally admitted to my mom about Snoke Part Two: The Snokening, and—as expected—she is making me quit my job and move back home immediately!!

And normally that would leave Poe paying 2,000 credits of monthly rent on his own, but in the interests of expediting my homecoming, my mom is graciously paying the difference until Poe can find another roommate.

Luckily, I know a guy. He threatened to kill me in the back of a Spacebucks once, but, eh—water under the bridge.

And speaking of ol’ stick-up-his-butt…

…I ended up paying back Armitage for all my “free” coffees.

Yeah. The Force made me do it—or something. Call it an early Life Day miracle.

I’ve been rethinking a lot, let’s just say that. I knew I could part with the credits, since I won’t be paying rent for the foreseeable future, and I’m gonna look for a new job on Hosnian Prime.

Ha. Armitage, Poe and Beebee-Ate. Now, I can see them all getting along reeaal well. Heh heh heh.

Sigh. I’m gonna miss Naboo, and miss Theed. I’ve spent the past three years of my life here.

…I miss Fannie too. I wish I hadn’t…well…yeah.

I’ll even miss Poe and Beebee-Ate. I’m leaving right as they were beginning to grow on me. Poe’s been a good buddy (even if I’ve seen his bare ass more times than I ever wanted to).

About the only thing I won’t miss is my job—but even then, it was part of my routine, something that made my days predictable in the bad way but also kind of in the good way, and it was a key part of my new life as an official grown-up adult-person-guy.

I’m gonna hang out with my old college bud Treeso one last time before I leave Naboo. And then I’m gonna put in my two weeks’ notice, pack up my stuff, try to sell whatever I can’t take home, and then…that’ll be that, I guess.

Goodbye, Naboo.

I feel like everything in my life is changing all at once. It’s…kind of sad.

But…that’s just how it goes. Isn’t it?

“Always in motion, is the future,” Fannie said, when we were breaking up.

“What?”

“The future. It’s always in motion.”

“Well, yeah—but why’d you say it backwards, the first time?”

“I don’t know,” she said, surprised, like she’d never thought about it before. “That’s just always the way Master Luke said it.”

And speaking of Uncle Luke…

…Mom wants me to start meeting with him again.

…It’s okay. Fannie and I aren’t a thing anymore anyway, so…

…Yeah.

My twenty-fourth birthday is in a couple of weeks. I was originally gonna do something for it, ‘cause I have ongoing December-birthday-overshadowed-by-Life-Day trauma—but…meh. I’m too busy now to celebrate. Twenty-four’s pretty much the same thing as twenty-three anyway.

Hey—sorry I haven’t written as much, the past month. (Well, I’ve been writing a lot—just, not for my blog.) But…I’ll try to keep you guys updated on my move, and whatever. Happy to answer any questions about my writing project, too.

Oh—but do me a favor and don’t…ask Fannie about my trip to Ryloth, or anything. Some…stuff happened while I was there—I mean, besides the breakup—and…well, I think it’s just best if you don’t ask. I’m not sure it’s something she’d like to talk about.

Hope everyone is staying warm and enjoying season’s festivities and punching germs in the face and all that.

Me—I’m doing pretty okay, too.

You know me. I always pull through.

Your dude,

—Ben

[cog5]

Villainations on a Theme

Thinking up titles for these posts is the hardest part. Something else that’s difficult is trying to create variety in villains while writing a mega-dungeon. I first took the route of having the villain pop up here and there, to make them known, and give the adventure party a chance to interact with them. These interactions set the tone of who this person is. But in the last third of the dungeon, I started to really lean in on playing with different incarnations of the villain, to lean on some of the original facets of their core personality, but then also explore what they might be like if they had lost everything in their life, if they were all-powerful, if they were a puddle of living oil – things like that. 

See, this particular villain has a cloning machine that they use to clone themselves. An aspect of the adventure is that some of these clones have become aberrant, gaining unique powers of their own, or having different circumstances that cause them to diverge from the standard archetype of the villain I first started with. I don’t think I would have done this with a smaller adventure/dungeon, so it’s been an interesting side effect of writing a mega-dungeon where I am constantly scraping by, trying to generate unique ideas to come up with something new. It’s good mental exercise.

I don’t know if this approach works for everyone, but quantity has been effective in sifting out quality for me. That is, writing a lot helps to unearth interesting ideas. Proof to me that it’s worth sitting down and writing a little every day, even if everything that’s on the page doesn’t make it into a final draft. So much of what ended up in the final version did not exist last year during my initial drafts. 20 months later, the mega-dungeon has taken on a life of its own. Even in the final hours of writing yesterday, certain things just fell into place that I had not even been thinking about. It’s a unique sensation when things click like that.

I’ve come to a close on this mega-dungeon, finally. All 12 areas are complete, and I managed to squeeze in an intro and some adventure hooks. 240 pages, last I counted. I’ll likely do one more pass of proofreading, undoubtedly there are still typos, or miss-referenced locations. But it’s a load off for sure. Time to take a breather and focus on something new for a while. I appreciate everyone who has come along for the ride, thank you!

Things I’ve Been Playing

Role-playing adjacent, I picked up a very unique game called “Lost Worlds”. I had never heard of it before, and happened upon a stack of the play books at my local game store. It’s a game from the early 80s, and the mechanics are so utterly novel to me. It’s nice to be surprised. 

The best way I can describe it, is a mix between a choose-your-own adventure book, and a one on one character fighting game, ala Street Fighter, but with a fantasy theme. It’s all done with a couple of books. You and your opponent each have a character card that lists your moves like “down swing”, “thrust” and other “special” attacks. 

Then you exchange your book with your opponent and shout numbers at each other to perform your character’s moves. The numbers are listed on a matrix that correspond to pages. The matrix combinations define who parries, who hits, etc.

It’s fun not knowing exactly what move your opponent is going to pick, and when you have an advantage, you can press on it by picking a move that would score you a hit. There is a real sense of action. No dice, more of a rock-paper-scissors strategy with extra layers. It’s impressive, all being done with a couple of small chapbooks. 

Without knowing how it all works, it’s a bit like magic. After researching how it works (I won’t spoil it), it’s still pretty special. I could go on. So I will.

Another interesting thing about these books, the fact that the illustrations depict the action in first person. Meaning once you’ve exchanged your book with your opponent, you are seeing their character through your character’s eyes. That is, you see an illustration of them attacking you, or blocking your attacks. Pretty much every situation is accounted for. Fascinating stuff that I have just not seen anywhere else in this format. 

I guess this was based on an older game called Ace of Aces. An aerial combat game with similar mechanics. A bit of a rabbit hole for me, for sure. Love digging into this kind of thing.

And of course, you can run campaigns, and your characters can level up. It also mentions using the Lost Worlds battle system in place of traditional RPG combat, taking your Lost World characters into your favourite dungeon adventures. The game was popular in DnD’s early days – if I manage to get a B/X or OSE game up and running one of these days, I might just try this mash-up.

—

Alright, that’ll do for now. I believe I’ll take a break for a bit – see you around!

Oh yeah, go back Get it at Sutlers! Everyone needs a little more Troika! in their lives.

[wyked-ao3]

Writing Questionnaire 3

i was tagged a few weeks ago but I can't find it now. I had it mostly done in drafts 0_o (I forgot about it sorry) @thatuselesshuman tagged me as well

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novel length fanfiction although I'm working on my first novel. Short stories are way harder for me as I have to many ideas to keep them short usually.

What genre do you prefer reading?

Basically, I’ll read anything interesting. Usually: mystery, fantasy, grimdark fantasy, dark fantasy, romance, horror, murder mysteries, historical, educational, western (I'm blaming @tragedycoded for that one as my parents couldn't get me hooked on the genre 0_o And @tragedycoded succeeded with DMLS )

(I don't have many genre's I won't give a chance)

What genre do you prefer writing?

I'm game for whatever ideas running amuck right now I'm working on a fantasy series that will probably end up labeled dark fantasy. My next project after the series will be historical fantasy just not sure which of these ideas I'm going for (3 different time periods but they will still have some form of magic in them)

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

Combine the two but usually I have a general idea and let the characters have fun driving me insane.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Depends on the day some days that would be highly distracting others it's either old classic rock or folk music

Fave books/movies?

That's listed in my pinned intro and it's a long list and you can not make me pick.

Any current WIPs?

I'm currently writing the pirate king of deaths redemption book one if the pirate's cursed god series. For fanfiction I have several at different points and I'm posting three wip's that I'm working on as I post 0_o (bad idea but I'm adjusting to it)

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

Comfortable sweaters, jeans, combat boots and a pocket knife holding several books

Create a character description for yourself: ash blonde shoulder length hair, hazel eyes (blue, green,grey) pale skinned and freckled.

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

Not particularly.

Are you kill-happy with characters?

not particularly, especially if you know them.

Coffee or tea while writing?

Water or sweet tea

Slow or fast writer?

Most people say fast but to me, I'm slow but that has to do with the fact that my brain moves quicker than I can type.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Anything and everything

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

Healer or cryptid in the library spotted by others once in a blue moon as I learn about the new world.

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

Most fav: long list but enemies to lovers or psychopaths and golden retriever personality.

Least fav: cheating (I will usually stop reading right there) amnesia (not really my cup of tea) abortion or miscarriage (sensitive subject given some of my relatives histories) major character death (definitely need to be in a certain mindset for that) bullying (personal trauma there sometime I have to back away from a book for a while before trying again.)

Fave scenes to write?

Fluffy dialogue or arguing although bone chilling or traumatic memory flash backs are a blast to write

Most productive time of day for writing?

It depends – day for editing night for writing or that's how it usually works for me.

Reason for writing?

Creativity, I like the fact that other people can connect with the story. Also I have made a few friends via writing and I love that fact considering I have issues making friends usually. My friends might be online friend but they are still friends.

Np tags @the-golden-comet @gioiaalbanoart @aintgonnatakethis @lillybaaaka @adhdprincess @drchenquill +open tag

[vacantgodling]

this year was one of the first years in a long time that i TRULY committed myself to writing any and everything that i thought of and it’s been a really good feeling. so starting from this year, i wanna have a little year in review so i can look back and reminisce on how much i actually did cuz sometimes it’s hard to tell lol.

TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN (january — december 2023)

139,345 (as of 11/30 (google docs only))

i’ve written more probably, but my notes app is harder to keep track of word counts in. this total is also across all pieces of prose and poetry, though poetry isn’t a significant number lol

if this was all in one piece i’d probably have a full novel already lmao 💀

LONGEST SINGLE PIECE

paramour chapter 9 — masquerade, clocking in at 5,894 words

WIP THAT HAS MADE THE MOST HEADWAY BY THE NUMBERS

paramour is sitting pretty at 30k-ish words written overall (including me writing chapter 20 twice lol)

WIP THAT HAS MADE THE MOST HEADWAY BY THE HEART

definitely cage. i’ve had this fanfiction and wip for years and the fact that i’d finished the full outline like last year but didnt start writing it until now and how much headway ive made in such little time… i’m really proud of myself. i can’t wait to actually finish this bitch

TOP PIECES WRITTEN THIS YEAR

Worthless War -> the cherry on top, best thing i’ve written this year and probably in general for a long time.

Come To Bed -> when i lost my mind about buddy daddies earlier this year, this fic really encapsulated everything i felt about the show. i love the narration, i love how it’s fun and playful but also deep, and i remember having so much fun writing it.

Paramour Chapter 20 “Careless Whisper” -> the rewrite of chapter 20 i am UNREASONABLY obsessed with and it’s a shame i can’t post it here without giving so so so much away. i love it so much i am willing to share it with those who don’t care about spoilers lol but its smutty and emotionally charged and everything perfect about amon and hya’s fucked up mess

A Fool’s Errand -> this is in the role swap amon and hya au and tbh this au is So Fun to me. getting to be in amon’s head more often is definitely a treat and the description of the make out is PEAK

Good Feeling -> i will never be normal about hue and jihan and i think i captured their relationship esp in the early days perfectly so i’m just gonna cry about it

Ritual -> i really love this piece and giving life again to some old ocs meant a lot to me. + the smut 🤌🏾🤌🏾

Distraction -> no one knows or cares about these ocs but me and that’s okay i’ll just be feral about them on my own 😭

GOALS FOR NEXT YEAR

reach 150k words written overall

finish cage like it’s GOING to happen i will it

finish the first draft of paramour!!!

[archivalofsins]

I'm about to complain about something that's been bugging me more since I started writing theories, and it's gonna be phrased harshly. People hate the art of storytelling. They hate the act of reading words on a screen with no visual stimulus.

They can say I love reading all they want but most of the time, it comes with bells and whistles attached. It always does. I've been writing since I was a kid. Since I was in the fourth grade honestly and the only time my writing has been genuinely enjoyed or appreciated by others was back then writing horror stories for school assignments having classmates pass it around and point out what part they liked and say why.

It wasn't a matter of the stories being good or more fun to write than what I write now. I always enjoy myself writing. No it wad.the fact that I had an audience that took my art for what it was. When they passed it around there weren't comments like oh this would ve so cool to seen drawn our, animated, or dramatically read aloud. It was just taking for the art form it was.

I went to an arts high school the only schools in the city I grew up in while I was a kid were technical high schools. If you wanted to go to a school and you were born in the city and didn't magically spawn into existence at high school age well fuck you- You've now got to lie about your address and go to a charter school a town over and hope they don't find out or the staff was cool about it.

All the high schools were mostly for people who lived outside of the city and wanted a place that looked good on college applications. My first choice wasn't an art school either. I put writing to the side going into high school. I actually went through the entrance exam of a technical high school with a focus on robotics because I had an interest in robotics with a focus on its medical applications. But through multiple things out of my control I ended up in an arts high-school going to three selerate high schools throughout my high school years and graduation from this one.

I majored in graphic design there a subsection of the visual arts department. That consisted of traditional arts, radio and television, and graphic design. I learned later that they had a writing program there was a journalism major but ya know that's nit art anymore so by the tine I got there guess where that was exactly where traditional art is now it was cut. The only remnant of a writing program being the radio and television major, the main focus of the major was mostly on directing and editing but it went over script writing as well.

Where'd traditional art go probably integrated into the graphic design major given how tech heavy making art is now a days. They deemed it too old-fashioned, and by the time my junior graduated, our art teacher (the only one who hadn't quitl was teaching history. The majors were pretty conjoined anyway graphic design majors did have traditional art classes as well. Not many took it seriously to some graphic design majors tradition art was very much beneath them and they didn't want to be lumped into the same department as those weird traditional artists with their comics and manga scripts. The major was underfunded and you were expected to buy your own supplies to build a portfolio and restock on them when needed.

There wasn't paint or easels or all that good stuff one year an old hot glue gun literally caught the classroom on fire and we had to do art classes from the science room for two months. While also fundraising fir repairs to the art room. You'd think students that at the bottom of the barrel would probably have more respect for overlooked art forms. But not really I wrote rough drafts of novels in high school and when speaking about without fail,

"Huh you think someone's actually going to read all that in this age comics and manga are the onky things that can sell."

This was in 2010. I honestly don't expect anyone to read all this. Because I haven't put in some large words, or pictures or made an obligatory meme like

Art school students be like

Can another person even imagine the hoops I have to jump through to keep writing engaging for an audience- Oh wait you don't have to you can literally see the evolution of it through the posts I made here. Every time I mention writing their are so many people who either draw or don't who will say things like that'd be cool to see drawn or in any other medium than the one you're doing it in. That doesn't seem like a love of storytelling to me. That doesn't seem like an appreciation of writing to me.

I've entered writing competitions the first step explain all this in threw sentences, one, if you had to describe it in three words what would they be, alright give me the elevator pitch. Make it shorter, so I know if it's worth reading, we have a lot of applicants if the description isn't engaging enough I'll just skim it write some feedback and move on, if you can't even do this much are you even a writer. To even get a book selling we writers basically have to be social media influencers or their own marketing team now a days.

The people judging writing don't even seem to enjoy reading. I make the fact that I don't like drawing in any capacity it doesn't fill me with enjoyment very clear. I would shout from the tables rooftop with the largest megaphone,

"I HATE DRAWING I DON'T WANT TO DO IT EVER IT FILLS ME WITH NO JOY I THINK DOING IT SUCKS!"

If could so tell me why someone despite me telling them this upon seeing my ocgram went,

"I know you don't like drawing but minigrams for this would be so cool."

This was someone who actually enjoys drawing by the way. Like, man, I wonder what would make that possible outside of suggesting I pick up a pen and do something you admit to knowing I don't like. You think I haven't heard this before- you think I haven't been told a billion times that my art form would be better if it just wasn't my art form. If I just phrased things a little better or coddled readers more. You think this feedback is unique this is a Tuesday for me. You wouldn't tell a visual artist they should open up word and write a summary on every piece they draw to go alongside it. Hell, most don't even put image description for the visually impaired to make it accessible when they post their art most of the time but others do it for them.

That's the difference in expectation between writers and visual artists that's the gap. If a writer wants to write they're told to draw if an artist wants to dabble in writing, though they're so cool actually and can do no wrong it's just for fun and the arts great as usual. Because writing is just appetizers that people pretend in the entree now. No one even cares to talk about the plot of anything.

It's not like writing matters, and if it goes against viewers' expectations, they're more likely to dismiss it and say it was written wrong. That's how little value it holds to the modern consumer, and I have every right to be pissed about it. Because it's fucking annoying.

[whenthechickencry]

Our Confession

I actually have read both this one and Last Note Before, it was a long while ago though... so I know the general gist but I don't quite remember all the details

The way Beatrice is doing her dead inside sprite before she realizes others were in the room and then she plays up her hamminess a bunch is really sad, aaa.

Dlanor constantly tells Beatrice she's a good writer and she's so excited but a little sad she won't get to see it as a full-blown game first, and Beatrice is like you don't need to flatter me but she's right Beato you should accept her compliments.

Iirc what the Booklet did for this was having the pages be sealed after this and you had to unseal them, which is actually extremely cool. They did their best here but a simple choice prompt just can't match that, I think.

Haha, the complaining about how Natsuhi is hard to make an accomplice... she's like the only person that cares about the headship as much as the gold, Eva as well but Eva isn't getting that without Sayo's help anyways, thinking about it even in Episode 4 she was one of the first to go,, so I can imagine getting her to cooperate is kind of hard. Granted, once you bring up Jessica to the equation you can probably get her to relent.

Beatrice getting a gun sprite is kind of uncanny, haha, really bringing it home was an early draft before Sayo had the chance to embellish the story with magic.

Kinzo being willing to explain to his children that he would blow them up if he felt like it worked in Sayo's favor when getting accomplices, I suppose.

You know, the fact Genji was like "hey! you are a product of incest. we rewrote your entire life for your incestuous grandfather. All your lovers are your cousins. Everything in your life is a lie. By the way, you have a bomb to blow everything up!" like okaayyy what were you expecting at that point Genji.

It's kind of interesting Beatrice tells accomplices that Kuwadorian is safe - technically Rosa could have probably survived Episode 2 with Maria if she just checked Shannon's corpses and realized she really was dead and just tried to make a mad dash to Kuwadorian, maybe.

Krauss is like yeah sure, sure, why not I guess. The fact that Natsuhi is the one more hesitant about this when she's the one thrust into solving all their problems, figuring out what to do, and she never had the option to not do her part...

This episode really does feel like tearing up the guts of Umineko... you can tell a lot of the accomplices act a little weird around Battler so you can guess Sayo probably told them vaguely of her plan, but it's the sort of thing you don't expect to be explicitly confirmed.

Kumasawa is grinning here, haha, she really does think she's a prank up to the very end.... it's kind of sad. She probably can't even imagine Sayo as someone who would do what she did, but I guess that also shows the way she didn't reach out to try and understand her enough...

It's kind of funny how sometimes you see the story going, ah, shit, sorry I have to embellish this more, right.

While thinking on how to properly kill 5 people she gets distracted by the fact she wants to draw a cute girl instead of a man, haha.

It's kind of funny because she does absolutely think they also did something wrong, but I guess talking to herself like this also makes it easier for her to justify herself to her...

Huh... now that I think about it most magic circles were indeed in places that people don't usually go to, ie the shed or Kinzo's rooms... I did think Sayo did the drawings in between murders, haha

The fact Sayo writes some of her tales while thinking about how the argument with Battler is going to go is kind of funny, haha. I wonder what the Japanese version said for metaworld here... it's not a sentence the translation has used so far and the side arcs don't have the greatest translation, so I am curious...

Beatrice is making fun of Battler for reading so many mystery novels but not being able to figure out the mystery, but also praises the person able to see the fantasy aspect of it...

The fact that so many of the mysteries in Umineko rely on several characters thinking that Shannon/Kanon wouldn't do X is very sad... like Sayo is writing these stories with the assumptions that no one in the family actually understands her and won't care to try to, so her mysteries are safe.

It's kind of interesting how in the episodes Sayo does this they mix up whether a Sayo actor is doing it or whether it's an actual conclusion the characters reached, in order to have more difficulty seeing the pattern. For ex: in Ep1 Eva, the accomplice, and Natsuhi both brought up this argument. Eva was an accomplice but Natsuhi isn't.

It's brought up that Gohda and Kumasawa don't know its actual murder, I knew about Kumasawa but didn't know about Gohda, actually... I think the roulette accomplices always know or at least figure it out early enough. Kumasawa's the one who is always clueless. Not really sure about Gohda in ep2, though. I think a lot of people were probably clueless in ep4.

This scene always fucks me up.... the way one of the few light conversations we see between Sayo and Kumasawa is here, the fact Sayo is crying after what she does before resuming the mocking Beatrice act. The use of "End of a Daydream" as the song...

In general this episode really highlights how? Disassociative? Sayo was during all of this. She constantly switches from doing the cruel witch that laughs at everyone's misfortune, to passing the blame on to Battler for what happened, to being fucked up about what is happening. None of these are Sayo on their own but all of them together make up Sayo. I think an episode like this really helps you see how all of the Sayos are one Sayo. Its role as a post-Umineko arc is interesting too. Even people sympathetic to Sayo occasionally role her as ie the innocent victim who did nothing wrong or flatten her into her relationship with Battler. Sayo is so much more than that and this episode forces you to confront that.

Shannon's words here hit so hard... Sayo here is affirming she was an incomprehensible being that was impossible to understand in the first place. In general, Shannon seems to be the persona most resigned to giving up... Beatrice might think its a long shot but her game and the meta arguments show that she does have a hope that she can be understood. Kanon might not think better is possible, but still yearns for it and isn't satisfied with what they have; as opposed to Shannon who seems completely resigned to the fact no one will understand them and that there is no hope for the future. Ofc all of these are the same person, so it's not useful to see them as totally different perspectives. But I think trying to understand each persona on their own is useful to analyzing Sayo. Like, why is the persona that has completely given up tied to George? Why is the persona that wants better but doesn't think its possible tied to Jessica? I think answering those kinds of questions can help you understand what was going on in Sayo's head during a lot of moments as well as help you contextualize their relationships more.

It's kind of funny how they do the missing corpse trick with Kanon constantly but never with Shannon, when Shannon's corpse appears its either after Sayo is dead or they hide the corpse another way entirely. R07 probably didn't want you to figure out they were the only corpses allowed to do this.

Dlanor points out that Beatrice surely wants to be understood by more than one person, Beatrice doesn't really answer to that remark and just says it's fine for her to just hope that one person understands her.

Of course, Dlanor did end up guiding Battler to Beatrice... and thankfully he didn't have to release her guts in order to do it, but... Battler still didn't understand her with just Beatrice's own words and actions. He needed to be guided and prompted by others to be able to get there, and it was still too late. This is still very sad.

Beatrice gets a shocked expression once Dlanor points out that said prince needs to have love for her or otherwise they won't get to her, and Beatrice relents in giving her the manuscript as long as Dlanor agrees to not release it before she is dead.

Now, on to the present.

Of course, Sayo didn't *just* want Battler to understand her. She wanted others to be able to see her heart. She wanted others to stop painting over her for the benefit of others. She wanted everyone to see her for the full person that she was. But that seems like such an impossible, naive dream that she won't even accept to having it.

There's just so much going on here... Dlanor begging for you to understand her, the reuse of the episode 4 red truth. Dlanor points out that just understanding what went on in the gameboards isn't enough to understand Sayo, there is still so much more for you to understand.

This is the first of all the side arcs I would say is completely required reading, Umineko's Saikoroshi basically. The writing here was excellent, allowing you to see the gameboard from a different perspective helps you understand Sayo much more. Being post-ep8 also lets them be so much more explicit with things they didn't have as much of liberty in the main arcs. There are so many heartbreaking scenes in this episode. If anyone reading this hasn't read this arc, I really beg you to do so.