#but that's not the story i would have told with all of those component parts

[four-armed-bandit]

in other news i have some more writing to do

[elumish]

My Experience With Digital-First Royalty-Only Publishing (Part 1)

Disclaimer: this is just my experience and my not reflect everyone's experience with this story of publishing.

The Concept:

The are two major distinct components of this sort of publishing: that it's digital first and royalty only. Digital first means that their primary business model is based in selling ebooks rather than physical boks. They don't sell in brick-and-mortar stores, but for my publisher, at least, you can buy physical copies of the books, which are made to order. Royalty only means that authors aren't paid an advance for the book. Instead, all of their payment is directly from royalties, which they start getting paid immediately (as opposed to needing to earn the advance before you get paid any royalties). Generally, these royalties are higher than for traditional publishers.

This is considered indie publishing, as opposed to traditional publishing through one of the Big Five (Penguin Random House, Hachette, HarperCollins, Simon & Schuster, Macmillan). I have basically only seen this for romance publishers, though there may be others that I haven't seen.

This is not vanity publishing--I don't pay my publisher, they pay me.

My Publishing Story:

In 2023, I wrote 10k words of a new story in three days, mostly on my phone. After a bit of random internet hunting, I decided to send it in to the publisher with a series plan for another three short pieces (10-15k words) that would together make one full story. A couple months later, they responded and asked if I would make it a full novel and also write another two in the same series. I agreed.

In April 2024, the book was released.

The Submission Process:

A number of digital first romance publishers (including those that give advances, like Harlequin) accept both agented and unagented submissions. That means that you don't need to already have an agent to submit to them, as opposed to most more traditional publishing companies, which only accept agented submissions.

Pro: lower barrier to entry, you get to avoid the querying process

Con: you have to advocate for yourself

Every publisher has a different submission process and different guidelines--some have broad word/topic guidelines and anything within that is fair game, some have specific calls for stories (e.g., we want stories of 30-80k words about billionaires), some have specific imprints or subgenres with different guidelines (e.g., historical romance for 50-80k words, fantasy romance for 60-100k words).

Generally they also request a summary, an equivalent of a query letter, and sometimes also some verion of a series plan.

The Contract:

Probably my biggest issue with working with this publisher was the contract. After a bunch of back and forth after they sent me the contract, they told me that they don't negotiate their contracts with unagented authors.

This is a sort of nuts line to draw, and to be totally honest I almost decided not to publish with them because of it. It would be totally reasonable for you to not publish with anyone who has that policy.

Ultimately, I decided to still publish with them for three reasons: 1) I did a lot of internet sleuthing and couldn't find anyone talking about issues with working with the publisher any time in the last decade, 2) I was comfortable enough with the contract terms to agree to them, and 3) the book is a niche enough subgenre that there's basically no chance I would get it published elsewhere.

If it was a different book or I was in a different stage in my career, I might have made a different decision.

Editing:

The editing I received was primarily copyediting rather than developmental editing. There was a little bit of developmental editing, but the vast majority was copyediting. I'm not so arrogant as to think that that's because my writing is just so perfect that it didn't need developmental editing.

There were ~3 rounds of editing that I went through with my editor. She would make a combination of edits in track changes and comments, and i would either accept, reject, or change. There were some things I rejected because they were intentional stylistic choices, and there were some things I accepted even if I didn't love them because they were part of the publisher's style guide. Everything else was a negotiation.

Overall, I didn't give in to something that I hated, and I don't think my writing suffered for the editing. There are choices that I wouldn't have made, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm right.

Part 2 will include marketing, payment, and my path forward in publishing

[kylejsugarman]

like walt obviously never wanted to or tried to focus on his cancer as a disease, it just became a nebulous entity that was in turns an impetus to Get what he Wanted and an exit sign, and thus was never a huge component of his jesse/business-facing identity, but it’s so excruciatingly clear that the cancer as a disease WAS a big part of his identity to jesse. walt worried about people perceiving him as withered and diseased, but jesse perceived him the complete opposite way and transitioned to that “digital short about making a meth comic” hero worship state of walt partially because of his cancer. jesse not only has a well documented affinity for protecting the vulnerable (and like it or not, cancer is an inherently vulnerable disease), he has an early established personal connection with cancer thru his late aunt ginny. his and ginny’s relationship is a story told almost exclusively through offscreen events and visual or conversational cues, but that just makes it all the more wrenching because this story falls into place in near perfect tandem with the show’s deepening and softening of jesse’s character. we realize that he’s a loving, insecure, vulnerable person just as we’re also piecing together that he lived for years with this woman who loved him as he Was and who he cared for devotedly until she died. her things remain in her house untouched; when he invokes her name, there’s an unusual degree of reverence to it that we don’t typically see with jesse. he clearly still reveres ginny and those emotions transfer to walt as soon as jesse learns about his cancer diagnosis. that protective instinct emerges, that sense of urgency returns. when walt says that his cancer is stage 3a, jesse unconsciously mumbles “in ur lymph nodes”—not a fact u would expect him to just know offhand. jesse knows this from his time with ginny and in that line—the quietness of it, the impulsivity of it—we see that jesse is thinking about Time. realizing how little of it walt must have left if it’s in his lymph nodes. and so he submits. jesse submits and follows his protective instinct despite the harm it leads him to because he wants to buy walt more time. walt and ginny have become inextricably linked in his mind and when walt dispenses those rare bits of affection and approval, those links only grow stronger. we see all these newly uncovered parts of jesse—the part of him that cares deeply for the vulnerable, the part of him that needs validation from a parental figure, the part of him that is no longer there following ginny’s death—bending to accommodate a generous perspective of walt as a sort of hero who is fighting cancer and graciously allowing jesse to fight by his side for a greater good. and if jesse can reach the bar that walt has set for him, if he can just do what he’s told and chase walt’s approval, maybe he can earn them that victory and save walt from what happened to ginny. i just think that if ginny weren’t a part of this equation, we wouldn’t have gotten the walt and jesse relationship we got. in any case, we certainly wouldn’t have gotten jesse lovingly drawing and inking a literal comic book superhero version of walt and their adventures.

[dailydragons]

I am not immune to this propaganda…

Do you like long fantasy series, but are tired of authors never finishing them?

Do you like interesting magic systems?

Do you like when characters form intense even psychic bonds with animal companions?

Do you like your heart getting ripped out of your chest and then stuffed back in full to bursting and but then ripped out again to get stomped on but it turns out you like that too uhhh let's call it... intense yearning

Do you like dragons? Of course you do, why else would you be on this blog!

WELL DO I HAVE THE BOOK SERIES FOR YOU!

The Realm of the Elderlings is a 16-book series is comprised of four trilogies and a quartet. All of which have been finished. Yes that's right, Robin Hobb saw other authors who can't seem to finish their multi-book fantasy epics and said "I will finish mine 4 different times to show you it's incredibly easy actually." She also has written multiple other series (some under the pen name Megan Lindholm), set in different universes.

So, where to start?

The components of RotE are:

The Farseer Trilogy

The Liveship Traders Trilogy

The Tawny Man Trilogy

The Rain Wild Chronicles

Fitz and the Fool Trilogy

The three bolded trilogies above are told from the perspective of FitzChivalry Farseer, one of the main/major characters in this universe and my eternal blorbo. The Liveship Traders trilogy and Rain Wild Chronicles are told from several points of view, and happen in chronological order between the series above and flesh out the worldbuilding, lore, history, etc.

For the most complete look at the universe, you can of course read everything. However if you want to stick with just one character, you can read the three bolded trilogies only. And of course, if you don't want to commit to a metric ton of words either way, you can just read the first trilogy and see what you think. Though I do think the levels of joy/pain/adoration increase with each work as you get more invested in the characters, of course.

OR. You can in fact read the Liveship Traders trilogy or the Rain Wild Chronicles quartet completely independently of the others. I actually started with Rain Wild Chronicles because those books have the highest concentration of dragons--it was actually a follower of this blog who recommended them to me, and I decided to jump into those rather than commit to The Whole Series (which at the time was only 13 books not 16). But I loved the writing style and wanted to learn more about the world, so got into the rest, and now I actually think the Rainwilds books are the weakest of the bunch (though I still enjoyed them initially)!

But You're Following This Blog, DailyDragons, So Here's The Part Of The Pitch You're Actually Invested In

Now I will be up front that you don't get many dragons in the first trilogy. There are a kind of dragons that appear at the end but dragons are not the main focus of this one. However Hobb learns from her mistakes about not including tons of dragons in her fantasy world and you get more in the next parts of the series.

The Liveship books deal with sea serpents and dragons in very interesting ways I don't want to spoil, though it's a slow build. But VERY fascinating reveals into the dragon's biology, life history, and magic.

The plot of the later half of the Tawny Man Trilogy revolves around dealing with how the world of this story used to have dragons but they have practically gone extinct. Less direct contact with dragons but still a dragon-centric last book.

Rainwilds is chock full of dragons. Including as POV characters. Can't complain about lack of dragons here at all.

Fitz & The Fool Trilogy is lighter on the dragons at first and then they show up en force at the end. Ta da!

anyway please read these books and join me in my eternal suffering. wait, suffering? nevermind who said that. shhh. it's fine. you will love fitzchivalry farseer. you will love the fool. you will never be the same again.

[crooked-wasteland]

I'm very much looking forward to your Stolitz/HB is a bad musical essay. I've had my own thoughts on HH being subpar as far as a musical goes but never really felt like I had the knowledge on musicals as a narrative style nor as a music genre to do it much justice; excited to see you tackle the topic in regards to HB! ���

I absolutely understand the hesitation. It isn't like I personally have a masters in Musical Theory, but I think we as a generation have had musical theories subliminally inculcated into our psyche from the sheer amount of exposure that we can understand what makes a good musical and recognize when those qualities are simply not there. No one has reservations talking about how bad Wish was as a musical, and what I am finding in my own deep-dive for this essay is that Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel suffer the same issues as Wish. The lead in music being Sam Haft who is not a musical theatre composer and frankly doesn't understand how musical theatre functions on a fundamental level.

For a small preview of a major point in my essay that I plan on expanding much more, Helluva and Hazbin completely lack an understanding of musical diegesis. This may be a new term for some. Diegesis is most often referenced in how music interplays within a movie or film.

Most of the time the music is not diegetic to the story. When we have big moments in our media with that swelling emotional music, we don't think that there is an orchestra just off screen playing this music for these characters. We are aware the music is an external component to the story. In this way, the music is most often not diegetic to the narrative.

Of course that isn't always the case. Take for example Guardians of the Galaxy and how the films utilize their soundtrack. Starting the movie off, we hear Come and Get Your Love as we would hear any other soundtrack, only for Peter Quill to remove his headphones and the music can be heard playing faintly over them. That makes the song Diegetic.

Another example is Shrek. All of the pop songs in the films are non-diegetic, but there are diegetic songs in, say, Shrek 2 with the Fairy Godmother singing Holding Out for a Hero.

To pull back to more direct inspiration, Happy Day in Hell is nothing more than an embarrassing parody of Beauty and the Beast's opening number Belle. However, Belle is non-diegetic. The Townspeople are singing their thoughts and feelings, but that is not what literally is happening. And Belle turning at the end isn't supposed to be taken as literally the town coming to a halt just to follow her and talk about how weird she is, but that the town as a collective sees her as an outsider and she gets that sixth sense sort of feeling of people judging her. Because they are, they just don't say anything. That is a key crux for the film.

Every single song in Helluva Boss and Hazbin are diegetic. We know this because Vaggie tells Charlie not to sing and we are told by Angel Dust explicitly that Charlie is, in fact, physically singing. Stolas' song ends with Stella telling Stolas to stop singing. Striker, Verosika, Moxxie, Stolas, Fizzarolli, Glitz & Glam, and Asmodeus all sing as a part of a literal performance.

In fact, Hazbin goes out of its way to shoehorn in-universe reasons to have a song rather than just allowing the world to exist in that heightened reality. Additionally, by having the songs explicitly being legitimate songs in the world, we actually face more issues with the world building because on one hand Vaggie is begging Charlie to not sing and is struggling with the secondhand embarrassment, only for the denizens of Hell to join in? Except the world has established that singing is not something people just do. It is the one time the criticism of "Why is everyone singing" and "How do you all know the words?" Are legitimately valid questions.

This all screams insecure and shows a clear discomfort with the genre of musical theatre as a whole. There is no depth of understanding how music in musicals function, just like Wish.

That isn't even touching on how San Haft's lyricism is identical to Wish's worst numbers with how he just borks the internal structure and meter of his songs.

[neiptune]

something's not quite right with them

c/w: 2.4k wc, the secret history au, implied incest, implied dark themes, gojo and suguru and everyone else are secretive annoying & disgustingly elite students, the dark academia setting just really does it for me idk i want to play around with dark themes more

PART 2

The library is empty enough to give you less excuses not to focus on what’s in front of you, thick books piled on top of each other and messy notes taken on isolated pieces of paper you keep forgetting to arrange in an order that would make sense.

Most of the students have travelled back home for christmas but you’re too behind on your study plan and had decided that staying would’ve made you more productive than joining your parents on a christmas trip to Salzburg. What an idiot.

The only things you’ve been able to focus on during the past hour are the specks of dust lazily dancing in the winter sun filtering through the tall windows, and the group of people sitting two tables away from you. Their presence there is so unusual one might guess it holds the reason of almost every single stare in the room locked to them, hesitation laced with morbid curiosity. But, truth be told, they’d be alluring anyway, anywhere.

There’s something weird and unnerving about how they carry themselves, always so elegant and eerily enticing. It doesn’t help that they’re almost never around, only attend one class and spend their time exclusively with one another.

To state that you never wondered what went down behind closed doors on evenings and Sunday mornings would be a lie. An entire classroom shut down, barricated for just six people and the only professor you’d refused to endear yourself to would pique anyone’s interest.

You don’t like them, therefore you never had any reason to feel lured enough to attempt a conversation like so many have, with fairly disappointing outputs no less. You don’t like the haughtiness embedded in their attentive stares, the smug sense of superiority surrounding each component of the clique like a nebulous haze that bodes ill.

You don’t like how that Utahime girl constantly sits on her sister Shoko’s lap, letting the latter card thin fingers through her hair so languidly one might get the wrongest idea. You don’t like the contrast posed by that bubbly Yu guy, always far too excited to discuss whatever it is they study in their stupidly exclusive, obsolete literae humaniores class. You don’t like Nanami Kento and his insufferable, stoic expression: he looks like he’s carved in stone, the cold and sharp-edged kind.

You definitely don’t like the best friends, Suguru and his sickeningly condescending smiles, Satoru with his infuriatingly cocky smirks and jokes blurted out loud in Latin or Greek to complete strangers passing by their table, only to laugh at their confusion. You can’t quite put your finger on it but those two have some odd dynamic going on, although you’ve never been one to believe the weird rumors suggesting secret relationships, clandestine gatherings at night or straight up incest. People love to make up stories about popular students they can’t approach and the group certainly is weird enough to fuel some unusual fantasies.

Still, that Gojo guy sometimes looks at his friend like he’d want to swallow him whole and you swear you’ve seen Geto tilt his head up with a gentle hold of his chin more than once, speaking in soft murmurs only inches away from his lips.

Whatever they have going on, it’s none of your business. But you do wonder what they learn in that class, if their exams are any different from yours, where the hell they disappear to from time to time, why they all stayed instead of travelling home for the holidays. Don’t they have families? Are the perfect, most elite students of the already disgustingly elite college having trouble keeping up with their study plan too?

Lost in your thoughts, you notice Suguru’s sharp gaze suddenly darting to yours a second too late. You instantly bring your focus back to the notes you have messily scattered across the table but Satoru’s distinctive, petulant chuckle travels all the way to your ears and your hold on the pencil grows a little tighter.

You don’t dare look in their direction again and actually end up getting some work done, taking short breaks every now and then only to reply to your roommate’s texts. Thank god she’s more than a few states away, Hina is never one to shy away from challenges and she also fell victim of an irrepressible (and, quite honestly inexplicable) fascination with the Classics gang, as she likes to call them. She’d meet Geto’s gaze and bluntly ask if she could join their table with one of her charming smiles, not even bothering to mouth the question or get up to discreetly inquire. She wouldn’t care about heads turning and strangers whispering and you can’t shake the feeling that they’d actually end up indulging her. If as a cruel joke or out of genuine interest, you’re not sure.

As you rise from your seat to start collecting all the exam prep materials, a single glance is all you allow yourself. It’s enough. Suguru is elegantly supporting his head on hands clasped underneath his chin, the thought of his feline eyes having been set on you the entire time teasing your spine with a shudder. Satoru follows suit: he’s been clearly chewing the top of his pen and he lets it rest between his pearly teeth as thin lips stretch into a cheshire smile right as your gaze slips away again, the attempt at giving yourself some sort of composure seemingly amusing him.

You clear your throat and unceremoniously shove books and notes into your leather backpack, the pads of your fingers growing increasingly cold as the air in the library suddenly changes. There are less students sitting at the dark, agarwood tables now, the sunset must be a mere half an hour away and for some silly reason, the greenish glow the little electric lamps cast over the chestnut of the shelves and the burgundy of the walls turns unsettling.

It’s nothing, you tell yourself. Then why are your hands shaking while you gather the few remaining tomes you couldn’t fit in your bag?

Let them look if they want to. You’re going to keep your head up and march by their table and the disturbing, fleeting moment will recede to the back of your mind as soon as you’re out of the library, free to focus on a matter of the uppermost importance: what the hell to get for dinner.

Still, the tweed of your skirt feels itchy on your legs and the opaque black tights are sticking uncomfortably to the skin. You hope the way you loosen your tie is casual enough, as opposed to the booming clacking of your chelsea boots along the polished pavement.

You know you’re not imagining the way the table grows silent as you approach it, every nerve deemed alert by gazes still stubbornly, shamelessly fixed on you. And yet, if they think you’re going to attempt some sort of approach, they better brace themselves for a big, fat, disappointing—

“Excuse me?” his voice is as soft as velvet, melodious in a way you never would’ve guessed. It stops you in your tracks and, for some reason, makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up at the same time.

Suguru offers one of his saccharine smiles when you meet his eyes.

“We have a debate going on. Perhaps you could help us settle it”

Utahime is staring at you with an arched brow, not entirely hostile but indifferent enough to make it clear she’s far from being interested in your opinion on whatever matter. Her sister’s arms are loose around her slim frame, one hand comfortably resting on her naked thigh, skirt sitting shockingly high on her legs. Shoko doesn’t smile but shfits slightly forward in her chair when you glance at her, head tilted to the side in quiet anticipation.

“I doubt it” you reply, not adverse either but certainly resolute enough to elicit a chuckle. Yeah, you don’t fucking like that Yu guy.

“Oh, come on” Geto softly reclaims your attention once more “I’d love to hear your opinion on the matter”

“She doesn’t have any valuable opinion on the matter. Let it go, Suguru” Utahime starts to impatiently tap on the book in front of her with a pencil.

He hums, seemingly pensive.

“Is that so?” the fake disappointment in his voice makes a vein on your forehead throb.

You narrow your gaze and shift the weight of the books you’re holding to your left arm. Whatever stupid game or bet this is, perhaps it’s time for someone to teach these assholes the school is far from being their personal playground.

“What debate?”  

Gojo’s smirk isn’t but a teasing curve in your peripheral.

“Some of us believe that Roman literature is too derivative of the Greek one to be deemed original” Suguru doesn’t add a question to his statement, he simply leaves it hanging in the air as he waits for you to bite.

And hell, you do.

“Only because genre-defining works are all in Greek. But should all epics be judged against Homer? Should all history be judged against Herodotus, all comedy against Aristophanes?”

Nanami’s eyes lazily travel to you for the first time but you don’t falter, nor you let Utahime’s scoff distract you from Geto’s magnetic gaze.

“So we shouldn’t compare, say, De Rerum Natura to any of Epicurus’ writings?” the challenge he offers is polite. You simply shrug.

“You could, but would that take away the fact that it remains one of the most original pieces of all ancient literature? Lucretius was the first one to write a didactic epic about philosophy. Latin literature found an innovative way to build depth and exist within an already established tradition, why would you reduce it to being merely derivative?”

He stares back for a moment too long before offering another one of his enigmatic smiles.

“It’s six to one, Hime” Yu grins as he faintly throws an eraser that hits her arm.

“Oh, give me a fucking break” she groans, gaze now fiery confronting yours “Latins were assimilators, borrowers. I’m willing to bet your ignorance goes as far as arguing that everything Virgil has ever written won’t be forever inferior to anything Homer’s ever thought”

You ignore Yu’s low, impressed whistle and take a second to weigh each word she’s spat. Then, you offer a gentle smile.

“Comparing works of literature, particularly when composed in two different languages and centuries apart, is awfully subjective. But sure, I will bite. The Aeneid, the Illiad and the Odyssey are all written in dactylic hexameter but I would argue that, in general, Homeric poetry is just not as cohesive, not as harmonious. The Aeneid is briefer and still, it manages to evoke both Homeric epics beautifully. We can’t hold Virgil accountable for the fact that Homer came first, can we? You’re focused on the wrong comparison anyway, you should’ve asked me to pick between Virgil and Ovid”

Shoko’s giggle is sweet enough to dim Utahime’s deep scowl. She kisses her shoulder and whispers something about knowing when to admit defeat, chocolate eyes never leaving your figure.

“Requiescat in pace” Yu sticks his tongue out and effectively dodges the eraser being thrown back at him, boyish grin making his eyes glimmer with malice.

“Would you like to sit?” literal honey trickles from Suguru’s relaxed tone, a closed hand now resting on his cheek, index finger pressing to the temple. He looks absolutely unfazed by his friends’ antics, much more focused on studying you instead.

“Suguru!” Utahime’s hiss is certainly rewarding, just not enough to convince you to accept what suddenly feels like an offer there is no turning back from.

Right as you’re about to speak, Satoru straightens up in his seat and you can no longer resist the urge to glance in his direction. You’ve heard about his eyes before, the not so quiet gossiping involving the group always surrounding him the most. He truy does look as perfect as they say, disturbingly so actually, so much that he instantly reminds you of Aether, son of Erebus and Nyx, personification of the sky.

The way he smiles makes you take a tentative step back for good measure: whatever element balances the blessing of such ethereal beauty, must be extraordinary in its darkness.

“Cubitum eamus?”

It’s impossible to blink back your surprise, one that has the corners of his lips curl further up. The boyish inflection of his voice doesn’t pair well with the wicked glint in that otherworldly, challenging stare.

Suguru lets out a good natured huff, Nanami’s scoff sounds much more sincere. It gives you the courage not to succumb to the blood rushing to your cheeks, undesired heat making your insides churn with sincere revulsion.

“Malo mori quam foedari” you murmur it as a prayer to keep yourself safe and don’t spare any of them a single other glance as the urge to get out of the room finally becomes unbearable.

Some would find the deviant laughter that follows you all the way outside of the building amusing, perhaps even satisfying. But all it does is leave a rancid taste in your mouth and as you make your way back to your dorm, you can’t help but feel as if you have taken one too many steps toward something you really don’t want to have anything to do with.

Satoru watches your upside down figure walk away, chair leaned back as he throws his head back in laughter.

“Suguru” he smiles, the tip of his tongue running along his upper lip while he still eyes the wooden doors that have swallowed you “she’d be fun to play with”

“You’re repulsive” Kento’s eyes run along the page he’s so focused on reading, disapproving frown by now a habit more than a timely reaction.

“I think we should get to have a little fun” Shoko ignores her sister’s glare as she sweetly mirrors Gojo’s smile, hand warm as the pads of her fingers sneak underneath Utahime’s skirt to soothe her irritation.

“Let me have her first” Satoru feels ignited as he meets his best friend’s gaze, he recognizes the dimmed flame beginning its faint flicker within it “let me ruin her just enough for you”

Suguru knows he’s lying. All Satoru does is take and take until there’s nothing left, he consumes everything he touches way before anyone else has the chance of getting their fair share. He lives for himself and is still arrogant enough to like that Geto can see right through his bluffs, gets a twisted pleasure from pushing his limits more and more to find out when the wire will snap.   

Sure, he’ll let him have it his way yet again. Suguru doesn’t appreciate rush, knows that true corruption takes time and, boy, does he have all the time in the world.

index vocabulorum:

requiescat in pace - rest in peace

cubitum eamus? - will you go to bed with me?

malo mori quam foedari - death rather than dishonor

[thefirstknife]

Any thoughts on the fact that prior to The Final Shape all the veiled Darkness statues that we encountered were, um, female coded? Well endowed. Busty. Look they had tits is what I'm saying.

Previous to TFS my thought was either that The Darkness was presented as a female aspect - that old yin/yang thing (though The Light was never connected with the masculine to my recollection) or the Darkness was picking this form just to mess with us.

Now that we've been told they're exiled components of The Witness group mind I just have more questions. Were there simply more female Dissenters? Did the Witness send them specifically to us? (Mind you if they're veiled aliens and not human at all maybe those aren't breasts in the first place.)

Also, are they potentially still alive?

Yeah, there's been a lot of talk about this prior! Now that we know... Honestly? I definitely think this might just be what they look like. We may be projecting onto them (aka labelling them female because of their shape), but they're aliens; it's very possible that this is just a part of their biology that all of them share. Because all seem to have that silhouette even in cutscenes (though a little less exaggerated which is normal for statues; statues often emphasise things beyond what these things would normally look like):

The next one is particularly interesting because it's not just showing dissenters; it's showing all of them when they made the Witness. You can also tell that they're not all exact copies; they differ in height and weight, or at least it looks that way to me:

Some also appear to be... bustier? I genuinely think that this is just what they all look like. Alternatively, if we want to assume their biology is closer to ours, it's also possible they're made this way to imply they're a single-sex species. Common in scifi! This one is also cool:

The veils are a little translucent so they almost show a bit of the shape beneath? There's something uncanny about it in a way. Alien designs compel me.

We genuinely have not really seen what the Witness' species really looked like besides the upper portion of the head. And in this case we can see that the hand is humanoid (when it holds the shard). But what's beneath the veils? No clue. I think the inspiration for them definitely came from the veiled female statues we have, but we don't know what's going on beneath it all for a really ancient alien species. Really cool to think about though!

Not sure if it's possible that some of them might be alive. To destroy the Witness, they were fairly clear that they all have to be destroyed with it. However, there is at least one of them that never joined the creation of the Witness and has presumably survived, though it's unclear if they would still be alive today. Mentioned in the TFS CE and also in one of the pages of the raid lore book which is linked to the story from the TFS CE!

[beemovieerotica]

back when i was on tinder my main pic was me with SonicFox at a furry convention because i'm cool as fuck. and i kept getting these messages from mid lesbians like "ummm....why is your main pic with a furry lolll" and i was like "this may shock you but i'm also a furry" and they'd stop talking to me (losers)

and then when i got rid of the pic and went ""stealth"" i was on a date with one woman and we walked down the street past some people fursuiting WHOM I KNEWW and she visibly cringed and went "would you rather be into water sports or be a furry?"

first off, wild question, secondly - i could get into an entire rant about this, but like, placing furry-ism by default with a sexual kink after seeing fursuiters in public - a couple of whom i knew were minors - is a whole fucking thing in itself - but yeah anyway I told her I actually hung out with those people and thought furries were fine, so she ghosted me, naturally, and the moral of the story is people are weird as fuck about furries and it's no wonder there are so few women in the community.

like all the straight women that I know are there with their male partners, and the lesbians/bi women either get ostracized by normie dykes to the point where they leave or hide that part of their life and i kind of wish more people would talk about this - like the social ostracization component affects women on another level and it becomes this feedback loop of there are few women in the community -> women don't have many others they can find camaraderie with -> women leave the community etc etc etc

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 16, Unaccompanied - Pt. 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language.

Word Count: 977

Previously On...: You felt even worse when Bucky revealed that Carthage had someone weaseled her way onto the Quinjet to join him on the Russia mission.

A/N: It's short, so you'll get two parts today! Second one will post at 5pm, EST. NOTE! The tag list is a fickle bitch, so I'm not really going to be dealing with it anymore. If you want to be notified when I update, please enable notifications from my Blog page!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Taglist: (Sadly, tag list is closed; Tumblr will not let me add anyone new. If you want to be notified when I update, please Follow me for Notifications!) @jmeelee @cazellen @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @blackhawkfanatic @buckybarnessimpp @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @marygoddessofmischief @sebastians-love @learisa @lethallyprotected @rabbitrabbit12321 @buckybarnesandmarvel @fanfictiongirl77 @calwitch @fantasyfootballchampion @selella @jackiehollanderr @wintercrows @sashaisready @missvelvetsstuff @angelbabyyy99 @keylimebeag @maybefoxysouls @vicmc624 @j23r23 @wintercrows @crist1216 @cjand10 @pattiemac1@les-sel @dottirose @winterslove1917 @harperkenobi @ivet4 @casey1-2007 @mrsevans90 @steeph-aniie @bean-bean2000 @beanbagbitch @peachiestevie @wintrsoldrluvr @shadowzena43

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“Hey, kiddo,” Tony greeted you as you entered his lab. He was surrounded by bits and pieces of various tech, obviously in the middle of some experimentation. “How are you feeling? Obviously good enough to be walking around. I’m glad you’re here, actually– I have something I want to talk to you about.”

“I thought Carthage was benched, Tony!” you interrupted, ignoring his greeting. Rhodey had been making a slow, but steady, recovery, but as far as you knew, Tony had not lifted his blanket ban on keeping Jade grounded from further missions. Tony frowned at you. “She is,” he said, giving you a puzzled look.

“Then why the fuck is she on the Quinjet with Bucky on the way to Moscow right this minute?” you asked, accusation clouding your words.

Tony put down the electronic components he’d been holding. “Well, I certainly didn’t approve it. I only just got you to forgive me. You think I want to willingly make you even more pissed?”

“Well, someone did,” you said. Your arms were crossed over your chest and you were pouting like a petulant child. 

“I’ll look into it,” he promised, “but don’t overlook the possibility that she took it upon herself to stow away. Not just to get some alone time with Barnes, but to get herself back on the mission roster, too.”

You hadn’t considered that, but now that you did, you wouldn’t have put it past her at all. “Thanks,” you huffed.

“Why do you even care, though?” he asked. “I thought you two broke up. Can’t believe you still won’t tell me why, by the way.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Because it’s not your business, Boss,” you told him. Truthfully, you wanted to confide in Tony, to tell him what Bucky had done, what he had said, so you could bask in the comfort you knew he would offer you, but you truly believed that, if he knew the full truth, there was a very good chance Tony would actually try to murder Bucky. You might not be prepared to fully forgive him, or be with him again, but you certainly didn’t want him dead. And honestly? The last time the two had gone up against one another, it hadn’t ended so well for Tony, either. You doubted Bucky would purposefully hurt him– he wouldn’t do that to you– but you’d never forgive yourself if Tony got himself injured because of you.

“Pfft,” Tony scoffed. “Not my business? What kind of pseudo-big brother would I be if I didn’t look out for my pseudo-little sister? Besides, you think I don’t already know it has to do with him and Carthage being a little too close?”

“Tony,” you warned. “Just find out how she got on that Quinjet, okay? Please?”

“Finnnnnne,” Tony conceded with a roll of his eyes. “You’re lucky I still feel guilty about that med bay incident.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I really appreciate it.”

“With that out of the way,” he said, sliding his rolling stool over to you, “I need a favor.”

You rolled your eyes. Leave it to Tony to ask for a favor in your moment of turmoil. “Go on,” you urged him.

“The annual shareholder gala is on Saturday,” he told you. You nodded, knowing that the event was upcoming. You’d been planning on being away on the mission, so you hadn’t given it much thought. “Big topic of conversation’s going to be your C-PAS. I want you to be there to talk it up, get the investors excited about it so they’ll open their wallets.”

“Ugh, Tony,” you groaned, “you know I fucking hate schmoozing. Can’t you do it? You’re so much better at bullshitting rich people than I am! Besides, I’m sick. What if I throw up on everyone important? Is that really a risk you’re willing to take? Think of the optics.”

Tony rolled his eyes at you. “We’ll load you up with anti nausea meds if we have to,” he reassured you, “so you’ll be fine for a couple of hours. Come on, Pocket. You’re my Chief Technical Officer. This program is your baby. No one is going to sell it as passionately as you. You know that. Don’t you want to show your hard work off?”

You considered it for a moment before dropping your arms and let out a groan. “Fiiiine,” you conceded. “But you’re really gonna owe me for this one, Stark.”

“I’ll buy you a pony,” he said with a smile.

“Oh my God, really?” you squealed. You knew he didn’t mean it, but you sure as shit were going to play into it.

“No,” Tony said, looking at you like you were a complete idiot. “Where the hell would we keep it?”

“I dunno.” Your expression turned into a sour pout. “You could buy a farm Upstate or something.”

“I suppose we could raise some sheep there,” he said thoughtfully.

“Oh my god,” you laughed. “That takes me back.”

Tony grinned at you. “So, all seriousness, what do you want in exchange for a few hours of your time on Saturday?”

“Buy me a new dress,” you said. “And shoes.”

“That’s it?” he asked, sounding somewhat disappointed, as though he’d expected you to ask for a yacht or some such thing. Maybe you did need to up your asking game.

“Okay, how’s this– new dress, shoes, handbag and jewelry, PLUS,” you added with a pointed look, “official write ups in Carthage’s file listing her as unfit to continue beyond her probationary period for recklessness and conduct unbecoming an Avenger. Enough to guarantee no amount of votes will allow her to stay.”

Tony put a hand on your shoulder. “My dear Pocket,” he said, smirk growing wider, “here I was hoping you were going to ask me for something difficult. It would be my pleasure.”

<- Previous Part / Next Part ->

[burnwater13]

Din Djarin, Boba Fett, Fennec Shand, Cara Dune, and Migs Mayfeld standing on Morak looking at the Imp base there (out of frame). Image from The Mandalorian, Season 2, Episode 7, The Believer. Calendar by DateWorks.

Name that Band!

“What do you mean, ‘Name that Band’? That’s just a vid of me and the people who helped rescue you.”

Grogu sighed at his dad. Din Djarin was so literal at times. 

Grogu knew exactly who was in the vid he was showing his dad. He didn’t need his dad to tell them that some of these people helped him when Moff Gideon had sent the special battle droids after him on Ossus. He’d seen Fennec and Daimyo Fett two days earlier when they had vid night and he introduced them to the ‘Best of Diggle and Daggle’. That had been a lot of fun. The look on Fennec’s face when the giant sand fish crawled out of it’s cave… priceless.

“Grogu, where do you get these things? Did you sign up for some new comms site again? I’ve told you to stay off those things. They’re nothing but bantha scat.”

Wow. Someone was cranky.

“Peli.”

“Uff! I should have known. I asked her to show you how to perform basic maintenance on R-5. What did you two do with that time?”

Grogu wondered if he could fake his dad out with a non-answer answer and then thought better of it. Din Djarin was already cranky about something. His dad normally didn’t care about the stuff Peli and Grogu talked about while she was demonstrating cleaning or data collection techniques. They had actually discussed sensors and ranges and calibrations before they started down a rather fun and funny tauntaun trail.

“Sing.”

“Singing?! The two of you wasted valuable time singing all those old songs she knows? Did she even look at R-5 while you were goofing off?”

Yikes. His dad was really mad now and Grogu hadn’t meant for that to happen. He and Peli had been talking about certain sensors being too sensitive and Peli commented ‘Ya mean like when yer dad gets called on at a sing-a-long?’ 

Grogu had nodded and then he had begun to laugh. Din Djarin hated singing on a good day, although he did it all the time when he was in the privy or the ‘fresher. He hated it twice as much when it happened in public and was a special request as part of someone’s naming day celebration. Everyone knew that but they liked watching him get worked up and then stumble through the song with them. It was nice to know that even the hyper competent Mandalorian Bounty Hunter had something he couldn’t do as well as the average galactic citizen.

“Sensors.”

Again, the truth was the best Grogu could do. He didn’t think his dad was going to patiently listen to the whole story of how they started with a very deep technical discussion of sensors and how their settings made a big difference in how the complex tracking systems on the N-1 worked. Too sensitive and you were tracking scurrier fleas across the desert. Too dull and a bantha could step right in your path and you’d only notice when you were covered in fur. You wanted something in the middle. 

That’s when Peli had offered that how sensitive a device was depended on a lot of factors, like components, packaging, and price. Grogu commented that sounded a lot like people. That’s when Peli made her statement about his dad and Grogu had laughed. Peli had laughed too and said, ‘Just think of it kid, if he was in a band they’d call it Mando and the Wailers!” 

Grogu shook his head and signed to Peli, largely because he couldn’t stop giggling, that the band’s name would have been, “Din Djarin and the Drones”. Grogu had fallen over when he finally got that one out. Peli had loved it and started making up a song that they would have been known for. It had started out ‘I’ll bring you in cold, so cold, so cold, I’ll bring you cold, ice cold, froze cold’. Grogu had loved it and they spent the rest of their time singing songs that were based on things his dad had said and they made no sense whatsoever. It had been a lot of fun. 

When his dad came to get him later that day Grogu was so tired he ate his flash frozen frogs and fell right to sleep. The Mandalorian didn’t have a chance to ask him all about sensors and Grogu hadn’t told him about the song that started, ‘I like those odds, Dank Farrik, I like those odds…”

The next day they had traveled to Freetown to visit Cobb Vanth. His dad and the Marshal had so much to talk about that Grogu had gone to the cantina and spent time with Tanti and Jo. They’d listened to a lot of music and Grogu had taught them some songs he’d learned from Peli. 

Oops. He’d forgotten all about that. Was that why his dad was so annoyed? Grogu looked up the Mandalorian and coo’d thoughtfully.

“Cobb Vanth told me you have a very nice singing voice and I should really ask you to give me lessons. Now, what I want to know is why you’re so comfortable singing in Gal Basic with other people and I just get one word if I’m lucky?”

Dank Farrik!

To be continued…

[adamnablelittledevil]

Now that the first book fresh on your mind, would you say the characters are made worse in the show or better in terms of morality/as persons? Just in context of the first book since that's all they've adapted for now.

(Yeah odd question to ask about a gothic horror story and its monstrous cast but I'm curious)

Hey, thanks for the question. :)

EDITED: Just want to say that this based on what Lestat tells, keep in mind first-person narration can be unreliable, even for innocent reasons. :)

So, I still haven't read the first book, I've decided to start with the novels that haven't been covered yet and then go to Interview With the Vampire. I'm currently reading The Vampire Lestat since that's the next one they're adapting. I'm still on part II, when Lestat is becoming familiar with his powers and learning how to have a social life with humans, but a private, isolated one as a vampire. Out of the show characters, I have only met Lestat and Nicki so far.

Based on what I know from this specific book and the show, I'd say they're on the same level. As a human, Lestat was abused/neglected/isolated by his family, whenever he tried to run and make a better life for himself he was forcefully taken back home, so he reached a point where he would even think of killing them. He also felt conflicted about it, his conscience told him it was wrong and he never tried anything. In the past, when he was at the monastery, he was a disciplined student that rarely got and the few times it happened, he enjoyed it. He appreciated the fact people saw the good in him and thought he could grow into an even better person. Way later, when Magnus kidnaps and turns him into a vampire, he thinks a lot about morality, and specially religion, right and wrong, heaven and hell, God and the Devil, his own existence as a vampire etc. BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER his transformation. He didn't want to be a vampire, he fought the entire time and when he didn't it was because he was too frozen to react. Magnus tried to make him accept it, but even until the last moment Magnus had to drop his blood in his mouth because Lestat preferred to die than becoming a vampire. It's after he was turned that there was a shift.

So far, it isn't a big shift, he still has all of that in his mind, he still prayed multiple times, he entered a church and touched all those religious objects hoping something would happen and it never did, put them back just how they were so people wouldn't notice it before leaving, he was afraid of meeting Nicki and his family again so he kept his distance, but sent loads of money to everyone - including his father, siblings and the theater he had worked at etc. He literally says "for now I had done what I could for all those I loved, hadn't I?" referring to those actions for those people.

'The biggest change was the ability of draining and killing humans. At first, he doesn't want to do it. However, his senses and hunger get the best of him, so he just goes for it like a carnivorous animal. And ultimately, he enjoys and embraces it. He even has preferences on what kind of blood is his favorite and the pace he drains them, because he likes to savor it. And it isn't just satisfying your hunger, there's a sensual component to that too. Also, he tried to eat and drink human food, but said he couldn't stand the taste and even its smell. There is some shift in his conscience too, he didn't completely lose it, but he has naturally developed a distance between himself and humans. I'm not saying that's a permanent thing or if it oscillates, I'm too early to have an answer to this, but when he is hungry, he is able to look at them as food, as a meal he needs like living beings can. There is a lot of aspects mixed together, his human mind and heart, the biological needs of his body and the supernatural side of it, that makes vampires closer to a God than a person or an animal.'The biggest change was the ability of draining and killing humans. At first, he doesn't want to do it. However, his senses and hunger get the best of him, so he just goes for it like a carnivorous animal. And ultimately, he enjoys and embraces it. He even has preferences on what kind of blood is his favorite and the pace he drains them, because he likes to savor it. And it isn't just satisfying your hunger, there's a sensual component to that too. Also, he tried to eat and drink human food, but said he couldn't stand the taste and even its smell. There is some shift in his conscience too, he didn't completely lose it, but he has naturally developed a distance between himself and humans. I'm not saying that's a permanent thing or if it oscillates, I'm too early to have an answer to this, but when he is hungry, he is able to look at them as food, as a meal he needs like living beings can. There is a lot of aspects mixed together, his human mind and heart, the biological needs of his body and the supernatural side of it, that makes vampires closer to a God than a person or an animal.

And after Lestat was turned, it's heavily implied that his emotions and senses were heightened, which makes the whole killing and draining humans thing even more layered. Lestat is a character that has a history of trauma and traits common to people that have BPD, ADHD, depression and/or even more. And I'm not saying he has any of these diagnosis, let alone all of them, but it is possible and he is significantly coded that way, whether Anne did it on purpose or not. So, all of those are amplified once he is a vampire. To the point he vomits with certain smells, that he cries so loud that he is sick of his own tears and the sound of his own sobs etc, so trying to navigate all of that, specially as a freshly new vampire without any counseling, can and is a lot.

I guess the show has explored all of these well so far, I've already had all of these impressions based on the series and some interviews alone, but what I've read seems to corroborate it. I feel like we got most of that from Louis, though, but it's understandable considering they were covering his book. And Jacob did a phenomenal job. And even in Louis's, Claudia's and Armand's flashbacks (or fanfiction, lol), Sam managed to play Lestat as people remember/think of him and what the scene demanded from his performance, but also found opportunities to show sides of him that those three might not know. He made Lestat be a full character with many layers instead of just a plot device to serve the arc of other people. The biggest difference is that they haven't shown a lot of Lestat's vulnerability (he only cried once, but when he did, it was as intense as what I've read on the book) and his complex with his existence and religion. But again, I'm quite early and I don't know if this is a permanent part of the books. Still, permanent or temporary, it is a part of his arc and I believe they will explore it to some extent on season 3.

[crimeronan]

Hang on. In the latest chapter, Luz is talking about Hunter's backstory &how Belos told him where he came from & she says she can't remember "which one it was for him." Is she talking about lies Belos told the other Grimwalkers??

BINGO. i am THRILLED that someone picked up on this.

what hunter Has been told is: his father was belos's brother. the brother and the rest of hunter's immediate family were killed, hunter was found in the aftermath, and belos took him in.

(i don't think i've ever established whether he was found in the woods or a house or a wrecked village. bc i'll never remember my own canon.)

when hunter found out that belos is human, he assumed his father must Also have been human. and that he himself must be half-human.

luz has let him think this.

hunter Suspects that parts of the story are bullshit, given what he now knows about how belos fabricates wild witch violence. he's not sure at All that his family actually Was killed. but he is certain that his dad is dead & the thought of tracking down his witch family makes him Incredibly Fucking Anxious, so he's. not pursuing it.

this AU's hunter would actually not be too badly shaken by the grimwalker revelation, bc he has WAY less emotionally tied up in belos. and he'd forgive luz for lying to him and understand why she did it.

however!!

it's easy to forget because the story (thus far, anyway) doesn't go into heavy detail -- but luz knows.... basically as much as belos did. about. all of the prior grimwalkers.

belos obfuscated the manner of their deaths to keep up his lies, but he was Extremely honest with her about everything else. like. everythiiing else.

like from a scientific perspective, luz knows all the components and how to put them together and how long to wait for them to incubate and whatnot, which is not That horrifying, it's basically just necromantic scavenger birds-and-the-bees.

but she also knows, like. how it's better to raise a child than form an adult because children have better temperaments. she has belos's notes on all the fucked-up early-psychology-style unethical experiments he did, & what the results were, & which of those results should ideally be repeated.

she has notes on what they were all told about who they are and where they come from, about whether it's better to be honest or to lie, and then when it's Clear that lying is better, about which lies are the most simple and effective.

she has his notes on the lifespans of all of the prior grimwalkers, including shit like child development, language acquisition, discipline, reward systems. his notes on personality and temperament and "illness," which is almost always just budding signs of independence/disobedience.

she has Everything he thought might be useful if she ever decided to create a companion of her own. including unnecessary information. bc he's a father passing down his legacy and wants her to know what he did.

like. it is GROSS. the things she knows are GROSS.

hunter being a grimwalker won't freak him out by itself. but she is fucking Terrified of him finding out that those notes exist. like hey, dude, i have concrete on-paper proof that Every Single Aspect of your personality and loyalty and love was premeditated to make you easier to control. proof that you can't actually trust any of your emotions or instincts because you're SUPPOSED to be non-autonomous. you love me and you chose me but did you actually?? you have never had any control over anything ever! okay bye 💕

like. that's a revelation that's either going to shake hunter to his core, which is fucking awful because he'll be upset and unmoored, OR it's going to have no impact on how he feels about luz/his life at all, which is fucking awful because it just feels like more proof that everything he does is coerced.

what a nightmare position to be in. Truly Unfortunate For Everyone...

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/730572795212398592/what-is-up-with-all-the-trans-men-on-this-hellsite?source=share

As a trans man, I might have some insight into this one. I'm a lot older than the standard uwu sparkle anti, but I was in my mid twenties for the first wave of weirdness about trans boys on Tumblr about a decade ago, so I was just too old for it then, and I saw a lot of guys my age and a little younger get swept up in it.

OTNF rightly points out that young trans men are a particularily vulnerable demographic. This is part of it, but we're also a demographic that doesn't sit comfortably with our identites (gender identities or otherwise) and are told by everyone (on every side) that we are Doing It Wrong, that our existence harms others, and that we must be this specific way to be good people.

I'm sure you've seen the "trans men are better than real cis men" rhetoric. It's meant to be inclusive and to reassure us that we're not bad people just because of our gender, but it also denies us our entire gender identity.

So basically, you've got a bunch of young guys, most of whom were socialised like girls and learned to never be too assertive, many of whom are straight up suffering from dysphoria and stress, being told by people both within and outside of their communities that the are Wrong and Bad and Harmful just for existing. It makes sense that a lot of them would would find a movement based on moral posturing that will accept them if they perform correctly and will use their real name and pronouns. That's what Antis are; they say "use this vocabulary, send hate mail to that person, put these terms in your DNI, don't be caught reading that story", and, unlike other groups that police people's tastes and performance that hard, they're not overtly hostile to trans identities. So you can spout the right rhetoric, use the right tumblr icon, and they will actually accept you (on the surface, for a time, but we're talking about young and desperate people who aren't looking at the long game).

Helping them harass those badwrong horrible NOTP shippers or aces or middle aged women or some random artist who got caught drawing the wrong age gap or whoever is the fashionable target will prove that you aren't a horrible monster for being a man, you're moral and upright and correct.

And yes a lot of it is internalised misandry (that word has a lot of dumb baggage, but how else can I describe a boy who hates himself for being a boy?), or self-loathing born of dysphoria and just plain having to live in a world that's hostile to trans people.

Being an anti is a way out. It's a way to manufacture acceptence. And they're too young and too hurt to realise that that acceptance is as temporary and hostile as the people who accept them only if they pretend to be girls; the antis will turn on them the moment they start acting a little too manly or if they're caught liking the wrong ship.

(I've seen something similar happen to young cis queer guys and trans girls, too, but it isn't as pronounced since being raised as a boy means you probably already learned that standing up for yourself is ok sometimes)

--

I'm sure it also doesn't help that tumblr is absolutely full of BL/slash fandom. There's certainly plenty of gender diversity in these spaces, but it's inescapable that the majority of participants are women. So for a young, insecure guy trying to assert that he is a guy, it's easy to fall prey to "Waaaah, I need to reclaim my hobby for me!" gatekeepy nonsense.

Sure, it's going to be turned on nbs even harder than on cis women and will be used to misgender other trans men in the end and misogyny isn't cool anyway, but that's not what your average traumatized young fool is thinking when they first join up. They're thinking "I hurt."

TBH, though, probably the largest component is that all of us—all of us—have a mental image of a default human for a given context. It's rarely a trans man. And so anything a trans man does stands out and is A Thing Trans Men Do.

This is true even if you are trans. It is true even if you are not a transphobic dickhead. Unlearning the 'why girls are bad at math' xkcd strip is extraordinarily hard because recognizing patterns and having mental defaults is just how human brains work.

There are shittons of cis women who become antis, but they're just not notable in the same way.

Are trans men more vulnerable to becoming antis? It's possible, and the reasons you outlined above are likely why. I think it's an interesting question to discuss if we are specifically discussing why the trans men who do become antis do so.

But we don't actually have any hard facts to support that they are more prone to it than anybody else. My guess would be that vulnerable people are more likely to become antis, so any cis woman with a strong source of vulnerability like a shittastic home life is similarly vulnerable to a young trans man with no support network, but who knows.

Maybe only 5% of trans men on tumblr are antis and 50% of cis women. Maybe it's 90% of trans men and 20% of cis women. Maybe it's 1% and 1% and they're just all very loud.

We have no data. We just don't know.

And we will never be able to trust our own brains on this until trans vs. cis is such a nonissue that we don't even notice it.

[meowww-ffxiv]

Extra lore on Erenville's village:

More lore:

I wonder why it wasn't included in the feats, huh. Meta perspective is that they can only fit so much in and wanted the rest of the expac to be about Alexandria.

But there are some other things:

Clearly, Cahciua put on the regulator. Was it out of curiosity, or...?

Or she didn't actually have a problem with some things being forgotten? We only saw her name immortalized on the stone of the giants, alongside everyone else's. She also clearly had an issue with telling the truth, even if it was as enormous as it was to her son.

But precisely because it was such an enormous truth, you could ask well why DIDN'T you tell him? Doesn't he deserve to know?

I'm of the reading/interpretation that Cahciua was not the best mother, in the way she dictated her story to Erenville to the very end, in a way. Her efforts were genuine of course, but I wonder... I think that there are well-meaning whom you love a lot, who still would not allow YOU the room to decide for yourself how you're going to process something that concerns both you and them, like grief.

Erenville said it himself. "You always do what you want," he told Cahciua.

I think Cahciua belongs to the second part of Dawntrail's story because she was a component or cog in the "If we corral you in a humane way, into our way of life and our way of thinking, is it corralling? Is it wrong? If we did it just to survive, if we destroyed and deformed your home and all that came before to make space for us but offered you bread and water, is it wrong?"

Being well-meaning doesn't really absolve you from hurting those around you, does it. So it asks you, well, what is your scales? Where do you draw the line? Was Cahciua a good mother and doing her best to make the most out of a tragedy for her son? Or did her dragging him along with a big smile in Living Memory while he so clearly struggled every step with the whole thing its own kind of soft-handed callousness?

The story ends with Erenville graciously accepting Cahciua's legacy and making peace with Cahciua's drawn-out but also way too fast leaving. But grief did tend to linger, and from my perspective playing through Living Memory, I wonder how much he came to terms with it and how much he was exhausted into it.

These injuries will not matter a lot, in the grand scheme of things. The people you care about most will sometimes hurt you even as they're doing their best by you, I think, and often in completely unimaginable ways to both sides. But it's good food and I love to chew on it.

EDIT: I think that it is significant and intentional that Erenville was surprised to find you waiting for him to finish his business in the blue forest. You waited for him, his friend.

You did not shove and push and pull him along, contrasting with how Cahciua treated him, for all her good intentions, in Living Memory. Yeah, time was short then, of course, but the fact that he seemed surprised he didn't have to run to catch up with everyone felt like something attention-worthy to me.

[hebuiltfive]

Thundertober Day Seventeen: Danger

I'm debating taking a break from posting these for a few days, to try and catch my breath and properly review what I have planned for the rest of the month, so this might be the last one for a little bit. No Tracy Bros in this, but International Rescue is mentioned at the end... kind of. I keep having these stories end on cliffhangers, I'm so sorry! Anyway! I hope you enjoy!

AO3 here

Days: One ~ Two ~ Three ~ Four ~ Five ~ Six ~ Seven ~ Eight ~ Nine ~ Ten ~ Eleven ~ Twelve ~ Thirteen ~ Fourteen ~ Fifteen ~ Sixteen

Warnings for: Swearing and gang mentions. Kat's new lead guides her towards a very dangerous path. Tagging: @thunder-tober@skymaiden32@idontknowreallywhy@mrmustachious

She really needed to start heeding the warnings that were given to her. Perhaps if she had actually listened to her editor when he told her to drop this exposé, she might have actually stood a chance of getting out unscathed.

Yet here she was instead, trapped in a room spewing God-knew-what kind of gas, and all of it was because she didn’t stop to properly investigate what turned out to be a traitorous lead.

TWO HOURS EARLIER

Kat Cavanaugh sat idly in the chair at her desk. Chopsticks were twirled between her fingers whilst her untouched Kung Pao Chicken she had ordered for lunch became increasingly cold in the oyster pail.

She knew she was staring into space, knew her mind was thinking too hard, but she allowed herself to get absorbed in those thoughts because she was running out of time. The report she had been compiling for next week’s hard-hitting edition of EXPOSED! was looking more and more like a dead-end.

There was nothing Kat hated more than a dead-end.

After a fraught meeting with her editor that morning, who had insisted she drop the article and instead focused on the rehabilitation and redevelopment of the Bay area, Kat had been left with a sour taste in her mouth. She wasn’t going to be ordered around, editor or not. She hadn’t got this far into her career to start taking the ‘easier’ path now. That wasn’t how she had made her name, nor was it how she was going to allow her legacy to end.

Instead of dropping the piece, Kat began to focus on different angles she could take. They had all fallen flat because she still lacked that one, vital component that made a story like this credible: evidence. She had no leads, no quotes, no names, no places… The only way she could think of getting any information now would be to try the police again, which hadn’t ended well last time.

Kat had gone out to buy her lunch, uninspired but not fully without hope, and had returned to a gift she had very much not been expecting.

3pm. Hudson Building. Fifth floor. Details of the Serpents revealed. Tell no-one.

The cyber-crime gang known formally as the Serpent Soldiers, less formally as just Serpents, had been a thorn in everybody’s sides, including Kat’s. All sorts of gangs had steadily been increasing over the last few months, all intent on, in Kat’s opinion, the same outcome. The Serpents were the biggest group in this part of the States, and were the only known gang to cross state borders with their membership.

Of course Kat had chosen to write the exposé on them, foolishly thinking it wouldn’t be as difficult (or as dangerous) as it had inevitably become.

The email she had received seemed too good to be true, but when had Kat Cavanaugh ever listened to rational thinking? So, she decided to keep it to herself as instructed. Her editor, who had been so vehemently against her continuing this story this morning, didn’t need to be aware of it.

All she had to do was think of a suitable reason to leave the office in a couple of hours and—

“Kat? Katherine?”

Her colleague, Nessa, had arrived at her desk at… some point. A look of concern dominated her features. “You alright, Cavanaugh?”

Kat flashed her a quick, reassuring smile, and straightened herself up in her seat. Amid all the daydreaming, she hadn’t realised she’d ended up so slouched. Very professional there, Kat.

“Ness! Hi. Yes, I’m fine. Just.. thinking.”

Nessa’s gloriously painted nails tapped on the takeout box, brow arching. “You shouldn’t eat at your desk, you know? Statistics show that your more likely to do work than take a break.”

“I’m fine, Nes. I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now, that’s all.”

Another nudge of the full box. “Damn right you do! Have you even eaten anything yet?”

Kat swatted her hand away with an amused grin. “Not that plate! You know what I meant.”

“Oh. The Serpent article?”

Naturally, her work on the piece had become a source of office gossip.

“Always aiming too high, that Kat. Never going to get a story out of it.”

“Does she think that because she’s interview International Rescue once that she’s some hot-shot journal now?”

“The Serpents speak to no-one. She’s lucky she isn’t already dead in a ditch somewhere.”

Office gossip was something she was, unfortunately, accustomed to, but it didn’t mean it made hearing her peers talk about her in hushed voices as she passed any less painful to endure. Kat always managed to brush it aside and tell herself that she didn’t care when, truthfully, she felt the opposite.

“It will get done by next week, Nes. I’ve just got to get one, solid, credible lead.”

“Good luck with that.” Nessa patted her shoulder. “I don’t envy your task, Kat.”

----------------------------

The Hudson Building was a half-hour walk away from her office, but Kat gave herself more time, just in case. So far this was her only lead and she couldn’t afford to blow it.

The area looked run-down. Many businesses had moved out of the area years ago, leading to graffitied walls and smashed windows in their wake. As mentioned by her editor that morning, the district had been green-lit a renovation project by the Mayor’s office, but Kat was sceptical of that every becoming a reality. The Bay area had been overlooked for years. She didn’t see why it would be any different this time. In her many years of experience travelling the country for her work, Kat had come to the conclusion that cities like this one needed the run-down areas in order for the ‘prettier’ areas to remain profitable.

She pondered her scepticism as she continued her brisk walk, politely offering a dollar or two to a couple of homeless people as she passed them. The thought of the implications of this area of the city being the meeting spot from a very dubious note had not crossed her mind once.

The Hudson Building had been one of the last to become derelict in the area and thus, from the outside, it had fared better than the rest of the street. However as Kat stepped into the building there was immediate evidence of squatter activity in the lobby. Tattered sleeping bags alongside old pizza boxes, drink cans and the occasional discarded needle.

Kat ignored the faint urge in her that screamed to get out. On tip-toes, she carefully trod over the discarded items, an elbow rising to cover her nose from the smell of the damp and filth, to make it over to the elevators which she prayed still worked.

She was in luck.

The fifth floor was cleaner in terms of the lack of squatter activity but thick dust covered the carpeted flooring. Mould grew from damp walls. This was not a place she wanted to stay in for long.

Kat checked her watch. Five to three. The note hadn’t specified where on the fifth floor to meet. She tried all the doors on the floor. She’d almost given up when none of them had opened for her… until she reached the last one. Offices 545-559. This door was unlocked and, unlike the other handles, was not covered in grime.

Flickering lights met her when she entered. Windows had been blacked out, meaning no light from the outside filtered through. Kat switched on the torch on her phone and used it to guide herself through the empty space.

It was a relatively small reception, with doors that led off to different office spaces, she presumed. Again, as before, Kat tried all the doors. This time, it was the door marked 556 that opened. She made a note of the number, in case it became important for her exposé at a later date.

Office 556 was nothing out of the ordinary. It had a desk in the centre, a couple of broken digital screens on top along with a broken holo-projector. The seats were filthy and, like the reception, the single window in the room had been boarded up.

Kat took a few more steps forward, to see if the screens were working, when she heard the door behind her slam and lock.

Shit.

Immediately, Kat made for the door, wrangling with the handle in an attempt to get it to open.

Of course, it didn’t.

“Hey! Whoever’s out there, let me out! This isn’t funny—”

She heard the hiss of the gas first, unable to see or smell it from the colourless and odourless quality. That didn’t matter. Gas was gas and… this wasn’t looking good.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing? Open this door NOW!”

The more she spoke, the more she breathed. The more she breathed, the more gas she inhaled.

Kat began to cough as the gas tickled her throat. Her heart-rate spiked. Fear began to creep in because fuck! She hadn’t told anyone where she had been going. Nobody knew she was here.

She gave up on the door and ignored the gas that was still being vented in from the gap at the bottom, stumbling over to the desk where she’d left her phone. If she was quick, maybe she would be able to call someone before she passed out or… worse.

“God, don’t think about that, Kat.” She mumbled to herself, arms rising to try and get a signal to her phone. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Kat didn’t feel the floor as she hit it, but she knew she had; harsh bristles from the carpet dug into her cheek. Her vision had blurred and she tried so desperately hard to fight the urge to just pass out. On the floor, the gas inhalation was greater.

The last thing she remembered was a pair of familiar looking, blue boots come into focus in front of her.

She knew those boots.

She could have wept happy tears. They’d somehow found her.

International Rescue.

She was safe.

Of course, with the state Kat was in, it was forgivable for her to jump to the most positive of conclusions but, in reality, the truth was far from her hopeful imagination.

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ch.211 thoughts

[I'm Beggin' of You Please Don't Take My...Band???]

(Contents: power system analysis - Unchaste, character analysis - Kururu)

Damn, didn't get to make the "don't take my mom" joke, but at least I still got to use the Jolene joke at all

Speaking of things I was wrong about, I'm bummed that Kururu's interaction with Kaede wasn't at least somewhat amicable, but it is clear that there's something wrong (probably from a development in Kururu's life or manipulation on Soul's part), so it's definitely not too late. I was at least right about Fuuko and Julia joining the band to replace lost members, though! Just...not at all in the way I initially projected! I also seem to have been right about Kaede and Raita's souls being the components that Fuuko needs to fix her vessel, but I won't worry about speculating on that this week

The real meat of this chapter though is Kururu herself, as she's finally getting some much-needed development and her stocks are going through the roof! Both her near-useless power and her fairly generic archetype have been fleshed out tremendously in this one chapter alone, doing wonders to hype me up for what's to come next in her story!

Starting with Unchaste, we've seen a lot of Negator abilities undergo massive changes between Loops, like Unfair's activation requirement switching from being hated by others to acknowledging others' strengths or Unstoppable's deactivation switching from breaking oneself to breaking something else, but I think this is the first time that the target has changed

Previously, Kururu seemed to define chastity as a lack of love; if her target knew love but didn't currently possess it, then to her, they were living a chaste life. In other words, while she couldn't negate "true love," Kururu could fill the holes in the hearts of those who were lacking love. This is why she thought she thought she could affect Fuuko, but because she believed Fuuko wasn't actually in love with Andy and was instead just pining to have someone to fill the void created by her decade of isolation

Now, Unchaste creates that hole and then fills it. Now, chastity isn't just the lack of love, it's also the the purity of devotion. Being faithful to your beloved is a chaste act, so naturally, adultery is an Unchaste act. If "true love" is chaste, then Kururu can negate it and steal it, creating an impure love built on deception

...Wait a second, this really IS Oshi no Ko!!!

Ahem...so not only is the targeted concept expanded, the overall effect seems to have expanded as well, though that might just be because we never really saw it in action. We were told that those affected by Unchaste "bum rush" Kururu, and Kururu called Fuuko her "captive" when she used it on her. I'm assuming the idea was that the target would obey her whims, but that's not really how it was explained. I always thought it was an ability meant for drawing attention, like an aggro ability, and that the targets would basically chase down the user

However, not only did the fans seem unaffected, but the people she wanted to effect are acting as they normally would towards the people they already love. This implies that either a) the overall effect has changed, and b) that Kururu's level of control over who is affected has changed. She isn't just unilaterally affecting everyone who hears her music, she specifically went out of her way to steal Kaede's bandmates. In other words...

Kururu's tragedy has already been averted!

Her original problem was that her fans rushed the stage and the concert had to be stopped, and then even after she got more control she didn't want to cheat by making people love her over other idols by any means other than her own talent. Now, not only are her fans not rushing her, it seems she can also decide who does and doesn't fall under her spell! Thanks for the help, Soul, the only thing we need to do now is fix whatever confidence issue she has and she'll be a friendly in no time!

Well, there's probably more to it than that, of course. Honestly her real tragedy has probably just been changed like Feng's, but still, the act of defeating her here and subsequently having a discussion with her will probably be all we need to fix her. The question though is how

Presumably, she might still be able to use Unchaste on the fans if she needs to, like if she perceives that they're leaning towards Kaede over her. If Kururu's abandoned her pride and is willing to use Unchaste to make fans now, then Kaede will need to take advantage of some kind of weakness within Unchaste. My guess is it will have something to do with the soul, since she seems to be gaining access to hers, so maybe by "touching the audience's souls with her own," Kaede will wipe away Kururu's negation?

In fact, the soul is probably Unchaste's weakness overall. If Andy were to come in, I think it's pretty safe to say he'd be able to resist Unchaste, and the best way I can think of for him to do that would be for him to use some immutable aspect of his soul to retain his memories of Fuuko

Of everyone, I think that Nico would be the most resistant since Unchaste erases and replaces memory, which would require that the target forget details about their past. Since Nico is Unforgettable, he should be immune inherently, but even if he isn't, the expansion of his memory from his brain to his soul likely gives him an extra line of defense

How the rest of the cast who aren't present would fend off Unchaste isn't super relevant, though. The important thing is how Kaede and Raita will manage, and I think that Kururu gave us a pretty big hint this chapter

"Up until now, all I've wanted to know is what you have that I don't. I have that thing now. I'm done losing."

At a glance, it seems like the thing that Kururu has in common with Kaede is the ability to appeal to her specific audience, as evidenced by her aforementioned enhanced control of who Unchaste affects. Thematically, though, one would assume that the thing that Kaede has over Kururu is love

"True Love is Sincere! Infatuation is Mere Veneer!" - Kururu's encantation, Viz translation "Ai wa magokoro. Koi wa shitagokoro." - original Japanese “With love (愛), the heart (心) is right in the middle (真心, sincere) but with mere flings (恋) the heart is underneath (下心, ulterior motives.)” - literal translation

Kaede is willing to make her voice sound awful to a general audience in order to appeal to a specific audience with poor hearing. To Kururu, that must seem like Kaede is willing to change herself, throw away everything that makes her her, to be loved. No wonder, then, that Kururu has completely changed her style from pop to death metal; her very identity no longer matters to her as long as people will love her

But that's where her mistake is. Kaede isn't beloved because she's willing to bend over backwards and be someone she isn't to gain love from the crowd; she's beloved because she's a genuine and earnest person with a sincere love for the crowd. She's flexible enough to change her approach to ensure that her audience will have the happiest experience possible, even if it means letting someone else take the spotlight

Kururu, meanwhile, has always been portrayed as someone willing to change herself to appeal to others; she lies about her hobbies, her skills, and even her favorite foods, all to make her brand more appealing to a general audience. In other words, Kururu's true self is hidden behind a veneer, a focus-tested pretty face put on with the ulterior motive of garnering maximum popularity. This version of Kururu doesn't care if the crowd enjoys themselves, she cares that the crowd loves her

The distinction is pretty subtle, as in the end the crowd should theoretically have a good time either way, but one performer aims to give the crowd something to cheer for, while the other aims to take the crowd's cheers

Whatever ends up happening between her and Kaede, I'm honestly just really glad that I was finally able to dig this deep into Kururu's character. I don't think it's a controversial statement to say that Kururu was one of if not the least interesting Negator previously, she was certainly near the bottom of my list when I did the character sorter, but now? Well, I won't say she's one of my favorites just yet, but damn if I'm not attached! And her arc isn't even done, she's in her villain era right now! How much more will I like her when she turns good and gives us a genuine smile??? We've probably got a few more weeks until we find out, and I can't wait!

Until next time, let's enjoy life!