#but that's irrational! i know it's irrational! and YET

[shortbcofkoffee]

CW: Implied/Referenced SA

It's raining tonight. Dick can't drown out the pitter patter of water hitting his window at full force. He can't drown out the wind. He can't drown out the sound of his own heartbeat. He couldn't drown out the feeling of hands balancing on his abdomen. He couldn't drown out the weight on his waist or the muffled words of unwanted affection.

But he was alone in his apartment. Away from everyone. His family, his friends. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not. So he just stared at his wall, forcefully controlling his breath and heartbeat. He'd be okay when the rain stopped. He always would be. He wasn't even outside, he was being irrational. He was okay. Yes. He was.

His phone ringing drew him out of his thoughts. He fumbled it out of his pocket and stared at the caller ID. Tim was calling. For what, Dick didn't know, Tim was supposed to be benched right now, it'd only been two weeks since he almost died of the Clench. Dick cringed, as if he needed something else to feel shitty about right now. Either way, he picked up.

"Hey, Dick," Tim greeted. "I, uh, I need some help. Nothing serious, I swear, I just um... kinda messed up?"

Dick looked up at his celing, bare and white. Nothing serious. "What happened?"

"So, I was drinking some Monster, and-"

"Drinking Monster?!" Dick shot up. "Tim! You can't drink things with caffeine when you're on antibiotics, are you trying to kill yourself?!"

Was that what he meant by nothing serious? Tim tended to downplay his own well-being. It was very possible he was actively dying and didn't want Dick to freak out, which didn't work because Dick was properly freaking out.

"Wha- No," Tim groaned. "I called you because I thought you'd have the least extreme reaction. Just listen. So I was drinking some Monster and spilled some on my bed, and if Alfie finds out, he's totally gonna freak. Luckily, he's being Agent A right now, and B is on patrol, so I was wondering if you could teach me how to do laundry? I've never done it myself before..."

"Damn straight Alfred would freak, Tim's that's insanely dangerous," Dick scolded.

"Whatever. Are you gonna help or not?"

Dick sighed. "Yes. But only because learning to do your laundry is an important life skill, I still expect you to tell Alfie about this."

Tim groaned. "Fiiiiine. But if I crash or something cause I'm not getting any energy, it's your fault."

"Get energy from healthy sleeping and eating."

"Oh, buzz off. I already put my sheets in the washing machine, what do I do next?"

"Are they white or no?"

"White."

Dick hummed. "Find the bleach. Then throw like a splash of it in the washer."

He listens to Tim search around the laundry room and silently apologizes to Alfred in advance in case Tim spills something. He hears the movement of liquid and a splash.

"Kay, what then?" Tim asks.

"Find the detergent and fill the cap, then toss that in there too. Alfred might have a specific one for linens."

Dick should really do his own laundry. He meant to do it earlier, but it started to rain. This was a stupid reason to not do something, it was just a natural weather phenomenon. And he was a vigilante. He could handle rain. He huffed and pulled himself off the couch. At least it was all in one place, the hamper in his room. He tucked his phone between his cheek and shoulder as he picked it up and took it to his laundry room.

"Dick, how do I start it?"

"Uh, I think Alfie's is automatic. Just press the power button and it'll start itself."

Dick's machine wsn't like that, it was a bit older. He had to click a few more buttons before it started. On the other line, he heard the washing machine shake to life.

"I did it," Tim said. Dick could almost hear the proud smile in his voice.

"Good job, Timmy," Dick smiled. "Was that all you needed?"

Tim made a thoughtful noise. "I mean, I guess. But let's do something else, let's watch a movie! I'm not even allowed into the cave yet, so I've got nothing to do."

So he was just bored. "Yeah, sure. What movie? That way I can show you how to use the dryer without you having to call me back."

"Let's watch... uh, Anastasia. You love Anastasia."

"I do."

"Hold on, lemme change to video call," Tim said.

When his picture came up, his face was illuminated only by the light of his phone as he navigated the dark halls to the home theater. Dick walked to his own living room and opened the movie. Tim relaxed on one of the couches and started the movie too. About an hour later, Dick's laundry finished. Tim was half asleep from what Dick could see, eye's struggling to stay open, clearly not even processing the movie anymore. Which was good because he didn't sleep often. It'd be another two-ish hours before Bruce finished patrol, and it might not be till morning until anyone finds him at all. It was usually cold in the theater, and if Tim caught a cold while he was still recovering, under Dick's watch, he would never forgive himself.

"Tim," Dick said, trying to rouse him from his sleep.

"Hm?" Tim barely stirred.

"Get up, you gotta get your laundry. C'mon, Timmy."

Tim groaned. "I'm up. I was never asleep."

Dick chuckled. "Sure, bud. But now I gotta teach you to use the dryer."

Tim pushed himself off the couch, a little uncoordinated in his state. Dick went to his laundry room and moved his clothes from the washer to dryer. Tim did the same.

"Alright, Timmy. Turn the dial to 60 minutes and throw a dryer sheet in there. I think Alfie clears the lint collector every time he uses it, but you should probably check."

Tim mumbled tired understanding and Dick heard the dryer start.

"Thank's Dickie," he yawned.

"Anytime, baby bird. You know where to get new sheets? You sound tired."

Tim yawned again. "'M not. I can wait for this to finish. We gotta finish the movie."

If Tim went back to the theater, he'd fall asleep there. It didn't matter that they were already in Act 3 of the movie; he'd be out before the credits. Dick sighed.

"Alright. But grab a blanket before you go back so you don't get cold."

Tim nodded, Dick thinks. He can't really tell because Tim's head went out of frame when he picked up his phone. He grabbed a wool blanket from the linen closet and wandered back to the theater. Just like Dick thought, he was out within minutes of unpausing the movie. He looked so peaceful, Dick wasn't used to seeing him like that. When the movie ended, Dick turned off his tv and went to his room. He was admittedly much more tired now. He set Tim up on his bedside table, listening as the next movie started to autoplay. Eventually Dick felt himself drift off too.

It became a sort of tradition. No matter who was doing what, when it rained they watched a movie until at least one of them fell asleep. Dick was thankful for it. He figured out what was going on about the fourth or fifth time Tim called him in the middle of the night. He didn't know whether or not to be mortified that somehow Tim knew, or happy Tim wanted to distract him.

He settled on just being thankful. He was thankful for Tim, and he loved him. It made things easier, he didn't dread rainy days much anymore. Sometimes he found himself getting excited at the idea of watching movies with Tim.

Sometimes Bruce watched with them, which was nice. Rarely ever Alfred. Never Jason. When Damian entered their lives Dick invited him a few times, which he was never taken up on. Which was fine. It was nice with just him and Tim, something they had just for each other.

They were halfway through The Land Before Time movies when Bruce died. Tim didn't call him when it rained a week after the funeral. Dick didn't know if he expected him to.

Dick hadn't heard from Tim, hadn't seen him in longer. The last time they saw each other, they'd argued, then Tim disappeared. Dick didn't even know he left Gotham until the fifth day he was gone. He didn't have time to be worried, though. Not when he was taking care of Damian, not when he was Batman. But he missed Tim. So much.

It was storming tonight. Too hard for Dick to go out, especially with Damian, who's doorframe Dick was leaning on right now.

"Hey, Dami," he greeted.

Damian looked up from his schoolwork with a frown. "What?"

"You wanna watch a movie? Since we're not going out tonight."

Damian scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Just because Drake ran off in his fit of insanity doesn't mean you can expect me to fill in every hole he left. Your tradition means very little to me when there are more productive things to do. Like training. Or patrol."

Dick stood up straight and crossed his arms. "You can just say no, you don't have to be mean. And I told you, the weather's no good for patrol tonight. But I'm gonna go watch a movie and you're free to join at any time."

He walked away with a huff. It didn't really matter what movie he picked once he got there, honestly, he was just going to end up tuning it out and lost in his thoughts. He didn't know where Tim was, he didn't know how much longer he could do this. He shouldn't have argued with Tim, he should've tried to help him. Maybe have Tim show him this "evidence" so he could let the kid down gently. Grief did weird things to people, and Tim was doing a lot of grieving.

His dad, Bruce, his friends. Too many people had died in his life in such a short amount of time, and he finally broke. And Dick let their last conversation devolve into an argument.

He missed Tim. The movie was drowning out the distant sound of rain, but Dick knew it was there. Pitter pattering on the roof and flooding down the downspout. Tim would've drowned it out with stupid commentary about the characters and plot. Dick couldn't help it. His mind wandered to the rain.

It's been a month since Bruce came back. Nine since they'd watched a movie together. Dick decidedly hates it. Tim is rarely at the manor. He only contacts Dick when it's nessacary. Dick doesn't even bother watching movies alone anymore. It's not the same.

It's pouring in Bludhaven when Tim calls. Dick almost lets it ring through, but Tim only calls for emergencies. He wouldn't call if it wasn't important.

"Hey, Dick," Tim greeted. "So, uh... I need some help with something."

Dick turned over in his bed. "With what?"

"Well, Bernard is working late tonight-" Bernard. Tim's boyfriend that Dick only met once. Were they living together now? What did that have to do with Dick? "-but he usually makes me dinner, and I don't wanna order takeout again. I was wondering if you could help me make something?"

Dick paused. "Is that all?"

"You don't have to if you're busy, I get it."

Dick sat up. "No, no, it's fine. I'm just a little surprised." You don't call me just to call me. Not anymore. "What do you have in your fridge?"

He hears the sound of a solid door and glasses clinking. "I, um... there's salmon. And some broccoli."

"Alright, let's make some baked salmon then. That's pretty easy."

Tim huffs. "Yeah, well, there's a reason Bernard does most of the cooking. I could burn down our kitchen making a PB&J."

"It's like two ingredients and spices, you can't mess it up."

Dick walks to his own kitchen as he talks Tim through what to do. He pulled out a TV dinner for himself. He didn't even realize how late it was, so he should probably eat dinner now. By the time Tim got the salmon in the oven, Dick was on his couch, eating his chicken pot-pie and reheated baked beans. Dick actually finds himself relaxed, a little happy.

"Um, Dick," Tim asks carefully, "do you wanna watch a movie?"

Obviously, it was the next step in their routine. Dick should've expected the question because this situation was so familiar. But the tradition was dead, it had been for a long time. Dick'c voice shook as he spoke.

"Yeah. Yeah, we should."

[thedreadvampy]

Like the thing is I recognise that there's value in stating that reading theory isn't this impossible task only fit for the academic elite.

Like it's good to acknowledge and remind people that theory is for everyone

But what actually happens is a bunch of people who do already have the skills and confidence to read nonfiction go "THIS IS REALLY EASY TO READ ACTUALLY" and then people who haven't learnt those skills yet open the text and feel like their brain is leaking out of their ears and conclude that if that's easy academic reading then they just can't do academic reading.

Like I made that post saying that you didn't need to read the essays by Barthes or Mulvey to understand the gist of Death of the Author or the male gaze, and a lot of the replies are people saying "but you should read the essays they're really accessible and short and easy to read"

and I'm like yes, I think that

but also the first sentences are, respectively,

"In his story Sarrasine, Balzac, speaking of a castrato disguised as a woman, writes this sentence: "It was Woman, with her sudden fears, her irrational whims, her instinctive fears, her unprovoked bravado, her daring and her delicious delicacy of feeling" "

and

"This paper intends to use psychoanalysis to discover where and how the fascination of film is reinforced by preexisting patterns of fascination already at work within the individual subject and the social formations that have moulded him."

and frankly I've never read Balzac and when I first read Mulvey's essay when I was like 19 I spent half the way trying to figure out what she meant by fascination. and a majority of people in the notes of that post were already struggling with me using words like 'subjectivity' and 'dichotomy' because they rang the Dense Academic Jargon alarm bell.

if I was on Tumblr with no academic reading background and someone directed me to an 'accessible, easy to read piece' and those were the first sentences I read, I would Grampa Simpson right outta there

and then I would either feel stupid or I would resent that people were pretending that that qualified as simple and easy.

cause this is specialist language and you have to get your ear in. often you can only make sense of it by reading it and picking up from context clues what a word or idea means, googling words, or having read other writing that uses similar language before.

If you've read French literary criticism before, you are 100% used to having a Balzac quote thrown at you, you know you don't need to have read Balzac and that you can expect the rest of the essay to make sense without having to know what Sarrasine is about cause if he wants to use it as anything other than an example, Barthes will explain himself more later. If you've read academic papers on critical theory before, you understand terms like 'the individual subject and the social formations that have shaped him', but you also understand that the abstract is a summary of the paper and that she's going to explain what she means by each of those ideas as she goes (hopefully).

But if you don't have experience, and most of your nonfiction experience is stuff like textbooks or newspaper articles or memoir, you don't know that you're not necessarily expected to immediately understand the first paragraph, and you're already demoralised before you even start to chip away at the actual point they're making.

And the solution is not to Never Read Or Write Academic Theory. Like people struggled with the word subjectivity in that post - there is not a better word that adequately covers that concept. We have specialist language and rhetorical conventions for reasons, and the reason is not just to make it hard to read. Once you know how to read it, specialist language is way shorter and more succinct than simple language.

But you do have to learn how to read it through practise. And when somebody says 'it's easy and there's no skill to it' and you don't know how to read it yet, you don't get motivated to learn, you get frustrated and overwhelmed.

Which is a shame, cause like. I'm not a Nonfiction Guy. I don't read nonfiction for fun most of the time and theory is often a slog. But I've got a lot out of having access to these ideas and I really think you can find a lot of joy in it if you know it's allowed to be hard while you learn the way into it.

I would love it if we could acknowledge both

a) that Doing The Reading is legitimately helpful and illuminating and helps you produce a more rounded and nuanced personal politic and get past having the same circular conversations people have been having on a loop for centuries

and, importantly

b) that reading academic nonfiction or theory is a skill you have to learn, and that we have to actively cultivate in our communities and accommodate for if we don't just want to be a bunch of middle class academics wanking off about Adorno

Reading theory can be legitimately fun and enjoyable. If you've got the fluency to make sense of it, and the context to get a sense of what it connects to and what it's referencing, and the confidence to disagree with or question parts of it. And that stuff isn't something you're born with, it's something that has to be learnt.

Some people are taught early and often both the skills and the confidence to engage, but many people - especially those that are most affected by what's being theories about - are taught none of the skills, then told that they're stupid or wrong if they try to learn them themselves.

[alackofghosts]

vierapril days 7 (privacy) and 8 (weakness)

[kristiliqua]

some ultrakill fans flaming people for playing on lenient/harmless is so funny to me because here i am in my little corner playing on harmless with Also 100% damage reduction (in major assist settings) because my severe anxiety cannot handle the idea of me taking any damage at all . i am wearing my propeller hat and eating my lollipop and i am having fun :3 (and maybe one day i can ease that anxiety and play without major assists)

[crimeronan]

Give us some more Ruby facts perhaps

everyone at irl writing group loves her and wants her to be the main character. their main questions about her are "wtf is her deal with solstice???" and "i feel like i know literally nothing about her or her motivations. is she completely emotionally unavailable on purpose??" to which i have said. :3c

[moon-buggg]

Having. Kind of a time. Does anyone have recommendations for good dca fluff stories?

[alvinmichaelmurphyseville]

“My brothers both seem convinced that I am slowly returning back to Alvin 2.0 mode. I find the notion baffling. I’ve never switched modes gradually before.”

“I hope that I regain Alvin 2.0 mode soon. I must be in it in order to write the first chapter of the new fanfiction story I have been preparing for you.”

“I played a videogame today for an hour. (That was all I could tolerate.) It was an attempt to re-activate Classic Alvin or Alvin 2.0 mode. Alas, it appears to have been for naught.”

“I am frustrated. That is an emotional response. I surmise that is a sign my brothers are correct and I am slowly regaining my emotions. Once my emotions are wild and intense again, I shall be able to switch modes more freely.”

“On the plus side, I have stayed caught up on my homework during this time.”

[imhere-imqueer-ilikedeer]

Learning how to not be utterly humiliated by the fact I actually like pieces of media had gotta be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done

[sequencefairy]

anyway maybe something is gonna change a bit for me next week and i am trying so hard to be chill and normal and cool and cultured about it instead of the scribbly mess pretending to be a person that i actually am and lolsob i am excited but also fuckin' terrified.

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

Okay so please tell me about hermitcraft and tma

mkay, i'll. try to keep this sort of brief and you can ask about more if you want?

anyway tma i know more about 'cause one of my friends introduced me to it a year or two, it's a fictional horror podcast and i've listened to it three or four times now 'cause after the first time i started listening to episodes before i go to sleep 'cause the guy has a really nice voice. said guy is Jonathan Sims, head archivist of the magnus institute, who at the beginning of the podcast is taking over after the previous head archivist's mysterious disappearance. the magnus institute researches supernatural events, and what we hear on the podcast is things the characters are recording on tapes. early on it's mostly just statements of people who've had supernatural encounters, sometimes with additional investigation notes, and as it goes on there start to be more times where the recording is interrupted or left on while the characters are talking, so we get to hear more of what's actually happening to them. the statements themselves are mostly pretty unconnected, but there are characters and events in some of them that become relevant to the overarching plot involving the actual main characters (those being the employees of the archives). this has been my attempt at an interesting summary without spoilers 👍

hermitcraft is a minecraft server/youtube series, it's been going on for several years now but they start over every so often on a new server so currently it's in the tenth season. i don't know a lot about it in general since i'm pretty new to the fandom (just found it late last year really), although i did watch season 8 when it was happening (got some neat lore in that one👍). there's not really an overall plot since it's. people playing minecraft. but a lot of they do make up specific lore and stories about their bases and stuff. i only watch a few of the people's channels who are on the server, so i don't know much about what most of them are doing, but i can talk more about Grian, Mumbo, Pearl, or Etho (and sorta Cleo but i'm not up-to-date on their series)

[thebirdandhersong]

.

[relivethisdream]

DON’T SCARE ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN.

[fatelcved]

tldr for the below post/vent is i may or may not be away for a few more days! we’ll just see, and thank you for being patient with me as always 💜

maybe i’ll wait a few more days till i really come back? i dunno if that’s really the solution bc i just feel a weird distance from everyone rn, and that’ll just get worse if i stay away, i feel like. but i can also tell i’m probably at my worst as far as hormonal mood spirals go, and i really don’t wanna subject myself or y’all to that. it’s a rock and a hard place bc no matter what, i’m gonna feel bad to some extent — just if i stay away, i can maybe manage it a lil better. i really don’t know, so we’ll just see how the next few days go.

sorry to be so up and down, and thank you for being patient with me ;v; i really do hope all of you are taking care of yourselves and having good days!!

[sonofsin]

yes I can cook with tap water. no I cannot drink the tap water without intrusive thoughts about plumbing slime and lead! yes I can drink it filtered. sometimes. no I cannot make iced tea with tap water nor can I make cold brew coffee with it, but I can boil tap water for coffee just fine.

[eyelessrabbit]

cannot emphasise this enough that you can not want to be pregnant to the point of being validly and rightfully terrified of it but you cant insult it without being ableist lol. You dont need to find words and reasons for it to be horrific, you Can Just Not Like It.

[softservesoymilk]

Bitches be fighting (it’s the head children 😘☺️)