#We love it when they start yelling at each other đ
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Bitches be fighting (itâs the head children đâşď¸)
#just pav things#We love it when they start yelling at each other đ#Though thereâs only really a select few that yell in this sort of accusatory way and point fingers and Iâm thinking of Idyllia!#I did another take on the end of arc 2. Or maybe itâs a continuation of the existing developments#I donât think she would take very kindly to the two boys having their mini-argument right in front of her (who would?)#And she would ESPECIALLY not take kindly to Dism calling Inigo a. y���know. murderer â¨đ#I think she has some inner empathy towards Inigo even if she doesnât say it yet (they both know they share similar feelings towards Archie)#They both feel like they failed Archie and wear that on their shoulders (albeit in complementary ways)#Of course this is Arc 2 and theyâre still offput by each other. itâs uncomfortable to look at someone else and see yourself.#So she would slap Dism for his callousness :))) and then berate them both for their self-absorbed nature#Very in line with how she yells at Archie in Arc 3 for much the same thing :3#She perceives it as cowardice in both situations ⨠Dism being unable to admit he made a mistake and Archie unable to get over himself#and finally reunite with his brother instead of stringing things along#She gets angry because she dislikes that quality in herself :3#Anyways itâs fun to see how the head children react when theyâre upset â¤ď¸#Dism loses all tact and will say anything that comes to his mind. Very snide in his wording.#He loses his inhibitions and lets his shadow side come out to say what he âreallyâ thinks about others#Inigo who delicately holds himself together 24/7 struggles under duress and becomes irrational and hysterical#Jumps to conclusions WAY too quickly#Archie who hates himself more than anything is able to bear pain without lashing out#He directs his pain inward. He was never one for fighting.#Cynthia becomes very quiet and teary and unsure of herself. A stark contrast to her normal demeanour â¨#And as for Archieâs kids. Theon becomes very aggressive and physical (violence is the answer >:3)#Luna would just burst into tears if you made her upset :(#And Ewan takes half of Dismâs approach and half of Theonâs#Which honestly explains why he gets into so many scrapes. 0 conflict resolution skills â¨â¨â¨â¨
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moth to a flame- m. sturniolo
pairing: matt sturniolo x reader
summary: you and matt have hated each other since you were kids, you two constantly bickering and arguing. however, there has always been an underlying tension, but you and matt have always chosen to ignore it. yet, the unspoken tension begins to break when another guy takes an interest in you.
warnings: language, angst, smut, oral (male receiving), p in v, unprotected sex (donât do that), fluff, cheating (donât do this either pls), nick once again being a g
masterlist
lowercase intended
a/n: does the smut suck? yes probably but itâs okay đ
âyou have a date? how much did you pay him?â matt asks you, a snark evident in his tone. you roll your eyes at his comment. âguys find me very likable, thank you very much.â you retort. âoh iâm sure.â he scoffs. âcan you just shut the hell up?â you snap, looking into the eyes of the boy youâve hated since freshman year.
you met the triplets when you moved to boston in the ninth grade. you shared a class with nick, and you two quickly hit it off. he then introduced you to his two brothers, matt and chris. chris was super sweet and welcoming towards you, but matt was the complete opposite. he barely spoke to you, and when he did, it was to make some snide remark. at first, you let it slide, thinking he was just uncomfortable around new people, but the mean comments never subsided, so one day, you snapped back at him, much to his surprise. thus began the endless fighting and screaming matches between the both of you. it got so bad that nick and chris wouldnât allow you two alone in the same room out of fear that you might kill each other. you two found ways to argue about anything, even things as stupid as what the best soda is.
although you hate matt with every fiber in your being, you still love nick and chris as if they were your own brothers, and they obviously felt the same. when their youtube channel first blew up, you were always by their side to support them. eventually, they decided they were going to move to los angeles, and they asked you to go with them. you immediately accepted because the course you wanted to study in college had great programs in los angeles.
youâre currently in the tripletsâ apartment, telling them about the most recent development in your life: you got a date. ây/n, just ignore matt.â nick interrupts yours and mattâs squabble. âso, whatâs his name? how did you meet him?â nick asks excitedly. âwell, his nameâs blake and we met at the coffee shop on campus.â you smile. matt rolls his eyes. âblake? the guy sounds like a douchebag.â âand you would know all about douchebags wouldnât you?â you ask with a false sweetness in your voice. âwhat the hell is that supposed to mean? you saying iâm a douchebag?â matt narrows his eyes at you. âif the shoe fits.â you shrug. âokay can you guys not for like two seconds?â chris asks. you raise your hands up in surrender, âfine but he started it.â âsure blame me for everything.â matt says sarcastically. âfuck off.â you reply. âguys seriously, stop.â nick tells you sternly. âanyway where are you and blake going?â chris asks, trying to lessen the tension between you and matt. âweâre going to this restaurant down the street from my apartment. itâs pretty nice actually.â you tell him, smiling slightly. you then stand up and grab your car keys. âiâm gonna go get ready, and iâll tell you guys all about it after.â âyou better!â nick yells out after you as you walk out the door towards your car.
nick watches you leave, then turns to matt, âwe need to talk.â matt raises an eyebrow, âokayâŚâ he says hesitantly, setting down his phone. âwhat the fuck is up with you and y/n?â âwhat do you mean?â matt asks. âyou two have been at each otherâs throats for years! itâs so exhausting watching you two constantly fight over dumb shit!â nick yells at him. âwhat about her? why is she not included in this conversation?â he retorts. âbecause you started this shit! you were awful to her when you first met! this whole situation could have been avoided if you were man enough to tell her you like her!â mattâs taken aback by nickâs outburst. âtell her what?â he asks, hoping he heard his brother wrong. âcome on matt, itâs obvious that you like her.â nick deadpans. âyouâre kidding right? sheâs disgusting, and not to mention, a total bitch. how you guys tolerate her shit, iâll never know, but i sure as hell wonât.â matt rants. âokay matt, whatever you need to tell yourself.â chris adds, rolling his eyes. âyou agree with nick? seriously?â matt turns to the youngest triplet. chris just shrugs, âi mean, yeah. i might be an idiot, but even i can tell that you like her.â matt scoffs, âfuck you guys. iâm going for a drive. iâll be back later.â he stands up and grabs his keys. he then walks out the front door, making sure to slam it shut.
matt gets into his car and begins to drive, not knowing where to go. during his drive, thoughts of you begin to invade mattâs head. there is absolutely no way he likes you. youâre annoying, youâre stubborn, and youâre just so insufferable to be around. sure, youâre conventionally attractive, but that doesnât mean anything, it actually pisses matt off more because he doesnât understand how such a pretty face could have such an awful personality paired with it.
after driving for a while, an idea pops into mattâs head. matt knows you well enough to know which restaurant you would go to because it was always one of your favorites. he begins to drive that way and plots what heâs going to do once he gets there. after a few moments of contemplating, he decides to just sit a couple of tables away from you and your date, just to make you uncomfortable and on edge.
he arrives at the restaurant and walks in through the large glass doors at the front of the building. the moment he walks in, he can spot you and blake in the back. youâre laughing at something he said, and an unfamiliar feeling began to pool in the pit of mattâs stomach. his thoughts are cut off by the hostess coming up to the stand, âhow many?â she asks. âumm just one, and is there any way i can get a table back there?â he points to where youâre sitting. âof course. follow me.â she smiles as she begins to walk towards the your table, matt following close behind. âhere you are, sir.â the hostess sets the menu down on the table before walking away. he sits down and looks at the menu, waiting for you to notice his presence.
as youâre talking to blake, you notice a familiar head of hair out of the corner of your eye. you look over an see matt sitting diagonally across from your table. your eyes widen when your eyes meet his. what the fuck is he doing here? you try your best to ignore him, but you can see him continuously glancing at you. blake notices you looking over to your right. âare you okay, y/n? is something wrong?â he asks. your eyes snap back to his. âno i thought i saw something, but i didnât.â blake just shrugs and continues talking. you try to listen to his words, but you canât. your mind constantly drifts back to the brown-haired boy sitting to your right.
after a couple hours, and some very awkward glances to matt, your date finally ends. you and blake bid each other goodnight before you walk back to your car. you see matt walking to his own car and you send him with a death glare, to which he just responds with a cocky smile. you wait for him to drive out of the parking lot, and once he does, you follow him home, wanting answers as to why he thought it was a good idea to crash your date.
as he pulls into his garage, you park on the street. you turn your engine off and get out of the car, storming through the front door, where you see matt standing in the kitchen. you walk over to him and slam your purse down on the counter.
âwhy do you feel the need to ruin every good thing that comes my way? what do you have to gain from that?â you ask matt frustratedly. âi donât ruin every good thing. i just wanted to make sure heâs good for you.â he replies nonchalantly. âthatâs not for you to decide matthew!â you yell, moving closer to him. ây/n, you just need to trust me.â his calmness is pissing you off even more. âbut i donât trust you! all youâve done since we met is berate me and talk shit about me! how can i trust your words when i canât even trust you?!â you begin to wave your arms frantically. âlook,â he begins, âi know guys like that and i just-â âguys like what matt? guys like you?â you ask accusingly. âno. guys that will treat a girl right until they get into her pants and then leave once they get what they want.â you scoff at his words. who does he think he is? âyou donât know what youâre talking about. did he say something to make you believe heâs like that?â matt averts his gaze to the floor. âno, but i have a feeling.â you laugh, not believing the words that are leaving his mouth. âa feeling? so you just made it up.â he looks back up at you. âgod, i didnât make it up y/n! stop being so naive and open your fucking eyes!â matt begins to raise his voice. âyou are such a fucking asshole! you have no right to stick your nose in my love life! just because no one wants you doesnât mean you get project that onto me!â you yell in his face, seething with rage. mattâs face turns cold, his eyes boring into yours with a look you canât make out. he remains silent for a few seconds. âwhat no snarky comment? did i hit a sore spot? itâs so pathetic that youâre so insecure that you feel the need to-â youâre cut off by a pair of lips smashing against yours. your eyes widen and you can feel yourself almost melting into the kiss before you realize who it is youâre kissing. you quickly shove him backwards, and matt stumbles a little. you look into his eyes, the both of you saying nothing. you donât know what comes over you, but before you can think it through, you take a step forward, grab the back of his neck, and press your lips against mattâs once again. the kiss is rough, teeth and tongues clashing together.Â
mattâs kisses begin to fall from your lips to your neck, biting and sucking as he goes further and further down. âmattâ you moan breathlessly. âwhat is it baby?â he asks in a husky voice and you could cum from just the sound of his voice. âwe should go to your room.â you say between small moans. you can feel him nod against the crook of your neck as he put his hand under your ass to pick you up. you immediately wrap your legs around his waist as he begins to walk towards his room. you get into his room and he sits down on the edge of his bed, so now youâre in his lap.
matt removes his head from your collarbone and he finds your lips again. you subconsciously begin to move your hips against his, a soft groan leaving his lips and you can feel yourself clench at the noise. mattâs hands slowly trail up your back and you can feel his right hand grip your hair. he gives it a quick but firm tug, pulling your head back which gives him the opportunity to attack your jawline. âmatt please.â you breathe out, needing his touch. âwhat do you want, baby?â he asks, knowing damn well what you want. âi need you.â he looks up at you with a smirk on his face. âyeah? then show me how bad you need me.â you feel his grip on you relax slightly, so you get off his lap and drop to your knees. your eyes immediately find the large tent in his sweats. you can feel your mouth water with desire.
you grab his dick through his pants and matt lets out a light gasp. âdonât tease me baby.â you bite your lip and tug his sweatpants down to his thighs, his extremely hard dick slapping against his stomach. you wrap your hand around his base and begin to stroke him up and down. you then bring your lip to his tip, giving it a few kitten licks. mattâs hand finds your hair and forces himself down your throat. you feel your eyes begin to water as you find your rhythm. you continue to bob your head up and down and pump what you canât fit in your mouth. âfuckkkâ matt moans, his hand tightly gripping your hair. âiâm gonna cum baby.â you quicken your pace and you can feel your cunt dripping, making a mess between your thighs. mattâs groans become louder and louder as he feels himself getting closer. his dick twitches in your mouth and you still your movements, feeling his thick ropes of cum hitting the back of your throat. you swallow every drop before pulling off him, both of you panting and trying to catch your breath.
âfuck that was so good.â he praises you as he grabs your hands and leads you back onto the bed. he flips the two of you around so now heâs on top of you. âyouâre such a good girl for me.â he says before he kisses you again. he bites your bottom lip before slipping his tongue into your mouth. you can feel his dick sliding up and down your clothed cunt. âplease fuck me matt.â you whine against his lips. âpatience baby.â he demands. his hands find the waistband of your pants, yanking them down so your bottom half is only covered by your thin panties. he looks down and sees the wet patch that covers the bottom of them. âholy fuck youâre soaked. you really liked sucking me off that much, huh?â he then gets up on his knees and takes his shirt off, revealing his toned stomach, and you can somehow feel yourself become wetter. âhow bad do you want me?â he asks you cockily. âso bad matty. please fuck me.â he chuckles, âso needy.â he then lines himself up to your leaking hole, swiping his tip against your clit a few times before sliding himself inside you slowly. you let out a loud moan and he covers your mouth. âshhh baby. we donât want nick or chris to hear how good iâm making feel do we?â you shake your head as he continues to rut his hips into yours. he removes his hand from your mouth and it soon finds its place on your throat. âfuck youâre so fucking tight. oh my god.â he throws his head back in pleasure as you moan out his name. âyouâre such a little slut for me arenât you? you like it when i fuck you like this?â he smirks down at you, admiring the way your jaw was slack and your eyes rolled back. he tightens his grip around your neck as a warning, âanswer me or iâll stop.â âfuck yes matt i love it.â you moan out. he takes his hand off your neck and trails it down to your clit. he begins to rub it in small, tight circles and you can feel the coil in your stomach begin to form.
âfuck baby youâre gonna make me cum soon.â he picks up his pace, going harder as his hand rubs your clit faster. you can feel yourself begin to clench around him, matt starting to let out broken moans at the sensation. âyou gonna cum baby?â you nod, on the verge of cumming around him. âgive it to me baby. cum on my dick.â he urges. at his words, you let go, letting out a loud and long moan as you release around his dick. mattâs pace begins to falter as he feels himself about to fall apart too. âwhere do you want it baby?â âinside me please.â you beg. he twitches inside of you and you can feel him cumming inside you, painting your swollen walls white as he lets out a groan of your name. he stills inside you for a few seconds before pulling out. he gets up from the bed and walks to his bathroom. you feel the sink run and turn off and he returns to the bed with a damp towel. he begins to clean you up a bit before tossing the towel to the side. he crawls towards you and lies down next you, pulling you into his arms.
you both lie in his bed for a few more minutes before you speak up. âthis canât happen again.â matt turns to look at you, âwhy not?â he questions. âi donât want to hurt blake. heâs a good guy.â matt scoffs. âsure he is.â he says, sarcasm evident in his tone. âyou donât even know him matt.â you try to reason. âi donât need to know the guy to know heâs an asshole. his nameâs blake, and that says enough.â you roll your eyes at his childish behavior. âokay matt whatever.â you pull the covers off your body and you begin to put your clothes back on. matt grabs your arms and spins you around to face him. he looks into your eyes for a few moments before crashing his lips against yours. you want to pull away, but you canât. the kiss becomes more and more heated as he backs you up until youâre both lying on the bed with him on top of you. âthis is the last time.â you demand, knowing thatâs probably a lie. âno itâs not.â he says against your lips as he begins to trail kisses down your neck.
weeks pass by, and you and matt are still hooking up. because of this, youâve become more tolerant towards each other. you donât necessarily like one another, but you can at least go a day without arguing. nick and chris begin to notice the change in dynamic between the both of you. they donât ask questions because theyâre just happy you all can hang out without the two of them being caught in the middle of one of your petty arguments.
much to mattâs dismay however, blake is still in the picture. you havenât become official with him yet, but you both have gone on many more dates and even kissed a few times. of course, you felt bad for lying to blake, but what are you supposed to do? you just canât escape matt. youâre a moth to his flame. youâve come so close to breaking it off with matt, but each time you fail, somehow always ending up naked in his bed.
this is one of those times. you came over to the boysâ apartment to break it off with matt, but of course, you couldnât. instead, youâre pinned against the wall of his bedroom. âmatt we canât keep doing this.â you breathe out against his lips. âdoing what?â he asks, backing away and raising one eyebrow. âhating each other in public and fucking in private. i canât do that to blake.â you try to reason with him, but matt simply rolls his eyes. âthen just end things with him. i told you he isnât good for you.â âheâs a good guy, matt.â you reply. matt takes a step closer to you, âwell, if heâs such a good guy, then why are you here? why arenât you with him?â he asks, knowing the answer. you look down and shake your head, âi donât know. i shouldnât be here. i should go.â you grab your purse from the counter and swing it over your shoulder, but before you can walk towards the door, matt grabs your wrist. âwait, donât go.â you turn towards him, âwhy not?â thereâs a few seconds of silence before matt answers your question. âi donât want you to.â âokay.â you concede.
about a week later, you get a text from blake, asking you to go over to his apartment. you get into your car and drive to his place. you get out and walk up to his door, knocking twice. he open the door with a smile on his face, and it fills you with guilt. he invites you in and sits you down on his couch. âso i invited you here because i wanted to ask you something.â he begins. you nod, nervous for what heâs about to say. âi wanted to know if you would be my girlfriend.â he asks hopefully. you sigh softly and look down. you canât hold it in any longer. you canât keep lying to the poor guy. âlook, youâre an amazing guy, donât get me wrong, but i canâtâ you tell him. his smile drops instantly. âoh. can i ask why. i thought we were doing good.â âiâm just not ready to be in a serious relationship. i thought i was, but now i know iâm not.â itâs not totally a lie. youâre not ready for a relationship with someone that isnât matt. âokay i understand.â he says sadly. âi think i should leave. iâm so sorry blake, but i know youâll find someone as great as you are.â you smile to try and lift the mood. he just nods while staring at the ground. you stand up from his couch and walk out the door, wracked with guilt.
you get in your car and drive to the tripletsâ apartment, needing to talk to matt. you have to tell him how you feel. you arrive at their apartment and place your car in park. you walk up to the door and knock. you wait for a few seconds before the door opens, revealing matt. âhi.â you break the silence. âwhatâs up? you need something?â he inquires. âi actually need to talk to you.â you can feel butterflies in your stomach as you rock back and forth on your feet. âummm okay come in.â he motions for you to enter the apartment. you walk inside and matt closes the door behind you. you both stand in the living room and you set your keys and phone down on their counter. he stands there, waiting for you to speak.
âi broke up with himâ you break the silence. âwhat? why?â matt questions, his head immediately perking up. âyou were right. he wasnât good for me.â he scoffs, âwell no shit. what does that have to do with me?â âi also broke up with him because i realized something.â are you really about to do this? are you really about to confess your feelings to the boy youâve hated for years? matt gives you a look, telling you to go on. âi know weâve always hated each other, but since we started sleeping together, i realized that i donât want blake. i want you, and not just in a sexual way. i want to actually be with you.â you take a deep breath you didnât know you were holding, waiting anxiously for his response, but he says nothing. âmatt? please say something.â matt looks down at the floor and shakes his head slightly. âi canât, y/n.â he says softly. âcanât what?â youâre confused now. what the hell does that mean? âi canât be with you.â your heart drops. âwhy not?â you ask. âi⌠i just canât.â youâre start to become irritated at his words. âwhat canât you do matt?!â âi canât give you what you want. you want to date and do couple-y stuff and i canât do that.â his gaze remains on the floor. âso iâm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to date?â you ask condescendingly. âthatâs not what iâm saying, i just-â âyou just what matt?! what is so awful about being in a relationship?!â you begin to yell. âi donât do relationships! the fact that youâre whining and screaming about it is the reason i donât! youâre being fucking dramatic and iâm sick of it! weâre not dating and weâre never going to so just accept it and stop being so fucking clingy!â he yells back at you. your jaw drops to the floor at his words. âfuck you matthew. donât text me again.â you walk towards the front door, making sure to bump his shoulder on the way out. you open the door and slam it shut, shaking the walls of the apartment.
hearing the commotion, chris and nick walk downstairs into the living room. âwhat the hell happened?â nick asks. ânothing happened. sheâs just being a bitch as usual.â matt replies, rubbing his temples. âwhat did you say to her?â nick sighs, knowing youâd never react that way unless matt said something really fucked up. âi donât wanna talk about it.â nick scoffs. âwell too bad. if i just lost my best friend because of you then weâre gonna talk about it.â nick and chris drag matt over to the couch and sit down. matt sighs and begins to explain everything that happened between the two of you. âwhy would you say something like that to her?â chris asks him, disappointed in his older brother. âi told you, iâm not a relationship guy.â nick looks at him with a look of worry. âbut do you like her?â matt looks at him and nods. âthen tell her that you dumb fuck! you just broke her heart for no reason!â he yells in mattâs face. âlook, i canât do this right now. iâm going to bed.â matt sighs softly as he walks out of the room.
as soon as matt gets into his room, he shuts the door, lying down in his bed. his mind is racing with thoughts of you. nick was right. he should have told you that he wanted to date you too, but he was too much of a pussy to actually say it, so he hurt you instead. matt knows youâre probably still mad at him and would slam the door in his face if he went over to your house now, so he decides to wait a day or two. after contemplating it, matt walks over to nickâs room and opens the door, knowing he needs help getting you back. âhow do i win her back nick?â he sits down on his brotherâs bed. âlook, i donât know if she would take you back for sure, but what you need to do is give her a heartfelt apology and tell her how you feel. thatâs your best bet.â matt nods, taking in everything he says. âand flowers. get her some flowers.â âiâll go over there tomorrow.â matt states. âgood because if i lose my best friend, iâll actually kill you.â nick says with a glare.
the next day, matt woke up ready to prove to you that he wants to be your boyfriend. however, the anxiety was pooling in his stomach. what if you didnât want him? what if you went back to blake? he tried to push those thoughts out of his mind, but they still lingered.
once he gathered the courage, he got up out of bed, throwing on a sweater and some jeans. he looks at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair until it looks presentable enough. matt throws on his shoes and grabbing his keys. he begins to walk towards the front door when he passes by nick on the couch. âgood luck matt.â nick tells him. matt just nods and walks out the door towards his minivan.
on the way to your house, he stops by a flower stand and gets you a bouquet of your favorite flowers, hoping that itâs enough for you to forgive him. as he speeds toward your house, mattâs mind is going a million miles a minute. heâs continuously going over what heâs going to say to you in his head. his thoughts are cut off by him arriving at your apartment. matt looks at himself in the mirror once more before grabbing the flowers and stepping out of the car.
matt walked up to your front door and took a deep breath before knocking. he waited a few seconds then the door swung open, revealing you. your hair looks disheveled and your eyes puffy. âwhat are you doing here?â you cross your arms at the boy. âiâm sorry y/n. iâm so sorry.â he holds out the flowers for you to take. you grab them hesitantly and turn around to put them in a vase. matt follows you inside towards your kitchen. âso are you gonna tell me what youâre doing here or can you leave now?â you ask, a harsh tone in your voice. matt sighs, âyou were right. iâm an asshole. i never should have said those things to you. i was just so scared.â you tilt your head to the side. âscared? of what?â âwhat i feel for you, what iâve felt for you since i met you, itâs unlike anything iâve felt before. iâve been in love with you for years, and i was too fucking stupid to tell you. iâm sorry for everything iâve done to you over the years. you didnât deserve any of it.â you can see mattâs eyes start to become glossy as you step towards him. âwhat changed all of a sudden? last night you were dead set on not being with me, but now you do? that doesnât make any sense matt.â you tell him, still skeptical. ânick and chris laid into me last night. they made me realize that i hurt you for no reason and that i was being selfish. i told you i didnât want to be with you, but it was a lie. being with you is all iâve ever wanted and when it was right in front of me i panicked. i know that i probably fucked everything up, but please, if thereâs any part of you that can forgive me, please give me one more chance. let me prove to you that i can be the man you deserve.â you take a deep breath, tears beginning to invade your waterline. you want to tell him off so bad. you want to tell him that you would never take him back, but you canât. before you can overthink it, you take a few steps towards matt and wrap your arms around his neck, resting your head on his shoulder. âdo you really mean it?â you ask him softly. âi mean it baby. i promise iâll never hurt you again.â he pulls away and looks down at you with a small smile on his face. you reciprocate the smile as he begins to lean down. your lips brush against each other before he presses his lips against yours. the kiss isnât like any other kiss youâve shared before; itâs soft and sweet instead of hard and rough. you both break away and rest your forehead on his. âyouâre so beautiful, yâknow that?â you feel your face heat up and a smile forming on your face. âshut up.â you tell him before reaching up and kissing him once more.
#Spotify#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo angst#matt sturniolo x you#matt stuniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo imagine#matthew sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo angst#matthew sturniolo x you#matthew sturniolo fluff#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo#the sturniolo triplets
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Ghost fanfic idea!!
He is in love with reader and has expressed it to her on multiple occasions but they discuss it and realise that their line of work isnât ideal to have a relationship. So they keep at this game with flirting and just barely being sexual with each other
Until! Konig comes into the picture and she genuinely falls in love with him too. He shows her another way to be treated (we all know Ghost is stiff and gruff) as in all soft and puts flowers in her hair. ONLY THEN GHOST GOES CRAZY, LIKE EYE TWITCHING CRAZY AND STARTS TRYING DOING THE SAME THINGS AS KONIG TO GET HER BACK. READER THEN DECIDES WHO SHE WANTS TO GIVE HER HEART TO â you make that call cos I cannot choose between those 2 hunks.
Just an idea đ Iâm a lil crazy so ignore if none of this makes sense
Unspoken Love | Simon âGhostâ Riley x Female Reader
A/N: I love this request omg. I hope I was able to do your vision justice :) Part 2
Chapter Summary: So many things are left unsaid between you and the Lieutenant, but one way or another theyâll come out.
Warnings: Angst, cursing, SMUT, fluff, smoking, injuries, violence, ghost being hostile at times
Word Count: 1.3K (Its a long one, iâm sorry đ)
For a soldier, love is war.
For Simon Riley, love is you. Itâs the way you look at him in the plane when heâs giving orders, the way you accidentally kick his boot under the table during a meeting, without even realizing it.
For Simon, love is the way sunlight filters through the windows and casts a warm glow on your face. But Simon Riley is the man underneath the skull balaclava, the man you donât know.
You know Ghost. Ghost whose name falls from your mouth like a prayer when his hands are tightly grasping onto your hips, hard enough to leave bruises as you ride him, chasing after the coil that begins to form in your stomach, as you cry out for him while his cock slams into your, causing you to deathly grip the duvet.
Ghost is who you glance at only when you have to during briefings. But Simon Riley, the man behind the mask, the man who watches you from across the room, with a yearning in his eyes that you don't see, are eyes you look into when Ghost tells you âWe canât go farther than this.â And you agree, pushing down your feelings you almost had, knowing it probably wouldnât work out anyway.
Thatâs what you tell yourself when you lay in his arms with a leg over his stomach, as his fingers run gently through your hair. All the while so many words go unspoken from underneath the skull mask.
In the moment it only seems like a task, maybe even a ploy you think, to keep you coming back to each other for more release. But again, thatâs what you tell yourself, because it probably wouldnât work out anyway.
As the weeks go by, the tension between you and Ghost is practically yelling for no strings attached. Itâs what you repeat in your head as you find yourself at his bedroom door during the ungodly hours of night, after the others have long gone elsewhere.
But when a new member is recruited to 141, the rules begin to change. You meet KonĂŻg. The soldier in the sniper hood and the reaper build that are no match for the kind and soft voice soul underneath. You end up working together on multiple missions, learning each others crafts.
You find yourself no longer aching to find your release, but unbeknownst to you Ghost has found a reason to push you away, when all Simon underneath is wants you to himself, to feel the way you feel tucked in his arms. He finds himself doing the worst. Telling Price youâre not in the right state of mind to be fighting leads you to find yourself at his door again, but this time making yourself known.
âYou took me off of the fucking mission!?â You yell, not wanting to but feeling the need to. Knowing whatever it is has nothing to do with your performance in the field.
âYou're a liability, Sergeant." he says, his voice low and menacing. "You let your emotions get in the way of your judgment, and thats get you or your teammates killed." You bristle at his words, feeling the anger and hurt rising within you.
"You had no right to bring my job into your hands." you shoot back. Ghost walks closer up, towering over you with his intimidating. "Itâs not up for debate. Thatâs a direct order." he says, and for the first time you can see his eyes blazing with intensity. You can see Simon.
After a few more weeks, the late night visits become a distant memory. As you come in the pub with the team after a victorious mission, KonĂŻg finds his seat next to you. âLook what I found, SchĂśn.â (Beauty) He calls you, capturing your attention. Itâs one of the many endearments you hear from him as you two get closer, and Ghost drifts away farther.
He listens to the conversation, only sitting a few seats away next to Soap. He doesnât want to but he does, only hurting himself more. His knuckles turn white around the class of liquor, seeing the way KonĂŻg makes you smile.
Did KonĂŻg see you the way he did? Simon thinks to himself under the mask. Did KonĂŻg fuck you like he did?
His blood boils at the sight of his hand resting on your arm, playfully. Ghost finishes his drink, but Simon is the one who leaves the pub without saying a word, beginning to resent himself for not telling you what you are to him when he had the chance.
A week later, you're back in the field with Ghost and the rest of the team, determined to prove to him that you belong. The mission is a covert operation to take out a high-value target, and everything is going smoothly at first.
But then, as you're moving through the enemy stronghold, a hostile sneaks up on you from behind. You don't see him coming, but Ghost does. Without hesitation, he pushes you to the ground and in a flash the bullet hits him in the one spot his vest doesnât cover. âGHOST NO!â
In a haste attempt you cover against the remaining hostiles in your zone quickly getting on the radio,
âThis is Delta 6-2, Ghost is shot, I repeat we need Evac NOW.â telling your team over the comms confirms your worst fear; Losing him. Youâre rushing towards the extraction point, heart pounding not sure what to think, how to think. It all becomes a blur.
Blood stains your clothes as you realize you have been badly cut. Medics take you away as soon as you step foot on base, not even getting a chance to see him. The thought of him dead almost eats you alive.
You spent the a day waiting anxiously for news about his condition. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you received word from Captain Price that he had made it through surgery and was stable back at base.
You were discharged from the med bay the next day, and as soon as you were able to, you made your way to a place you knew too well. Without even bothering to knock, you pushed open the door and walked in. And there he was, sitting at the edge of his bed with his back facing you.
He instantly turns around, causing you to stop dead in your tracks. âSimonâŚâ For a moment, you were frozen in place. The stone cold man you had been so intimate with, the man you had shared so many nights with only to avoid in the mornings, is now right in front of you, exposed and vulnerable. He puts out the cigarette between his fingers, on the ashtray next to him.
His eyes are full of emotion you can so clearly see looking right back at you. âI thought you died.â Your voice breaks, as you try to compose yourself, but itâs no use, the tears now falling from your face.
âHow could you put yourself in that position? You couldâve died!â You started, moving closer. You can resent me all you want Lieutenant but-â
âI love you.â The world ceases to move. You're stunned, unsure of how to respond. All the words you'd been too afraid to say, all the feelings you'd been too afraid to reveal, are suddenly laid out in front of you. And now, standing before you, is the the man who had been there all along.
You had finally come face to face with the man underneath the mask. âIâve loved you since the day we met, Y/N. Iâve loved you through every mission, every bullet weâve dodged.â You forget how to simply breathe. âEverytime you have walked through that door, I have loved you. And I cant stop.â
Without another thought, he takes takes your face in his hands, his bruised knuckles gently on your skin, as you meet his lips. His lips are soft and tender, yet urgent and passionate. Itâs a kiss that conveys all the unsaid words and phrases.
As you pull away, he look into your eyes, searching for any hint of doubt or hesitation, but instead he sees the very same love looking right back.
For a soldier, love is war.
For Simon Riley, love is you.
A/N: Any comments for future fic suggestions?
#simon riley x reader#konig x reader#call of duty#modern warfare smut#simon riley x you#modern warfare 2#call of duty modern warfare#task force 141#cod mwii#cod fanfic#simon riley imagine#ghost x reader#ghost x female reader#ghost smut#cod x reader#captain price#soap mactavish#simon riley#ghost
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Heyy!! Hope you are having a great day đŠˇ
Can you maybe ot6 hiding your relationship from their members and how they got caught? It can be angsty as well, i love me some good angst đ
I hope you're having a great day too đ I didn't really know how to write this as angst, but I tried my best! Sorry if it's not that good.
All members < Ë ~ Ë >
Summary: Xdinary Heroes were hiding your relationship from not only the public, but their members too⌠their members just caught them.
WC:~2.3k
Warning:a bit of angst
photo not mine credits to owner.
Gunil
It wasnât Gunilâs initial intention to keep your twoâs relationship hidden from his members, but thatâs how it turned out. He was going to tell them, but there was this part of him that likes how you were only his. Something that he didnât have to share. He found a bit of fun in sneaking around with you too. It was a bit like he had a secret life. A secret life where it could just be the both of you together without any other worries. He wasnât ready to give that up yet, so he decided to hold off from telling his members about your relationship.Â
âYouâre dating someone!â Jiseok yelled out. He was looking at some of the pictures Gunil had taken of him and he scrolled one photo too far. Revealing a photo of Gunil kissing your cheek while two of you wore matching hoodies.
âWhat?â The rest of the members called out. All of them were currently in the green room for a music show. Gunil immediately became very flustered and a stuttering mess.
âI- wh- I-itâs.â He lets out a sigh. âWould you believe me if I said they were just a friend?â Although he already knows the answer. By now Jiseok has shown the photo of the two of you together to the rest of the members.Â
âWhy didnât you tell us?â Seungmin asked. He was clearly hurt by Gunil keeping your relationship hidden from them. Gunil looked around at the other members. They looked hurt too and confused as well.
âItâs not that I donât trust you guys or anything like that. I was going to tell you all,â Gunil defended.Â
âWhen?â Jungsu pressed. He was clearly annoyed and didnât look like he fully believed Gunil either. Gunil lets out another sigh.
âI donât know. I just liked that they were only mine. Being with them was like an escape.â Gunil tried to explain.
âItâs not like we would take them from you,â Hyeongjun stated. Guilt starts to build up in Gunilâs chest. He knows that if he just told them that they would have been supportive about it.
âI know. Iâm sorry. I was just being selfish,â Gunil apologized. It was all that he could do. Now he has to wait for his members to forgive him.
Jungsu
Jungsu and you were friends. At least thatâs what Heroes knew the pair of you as. Jungsu never told them about you and him getting together. He was too scared about how they would react. Jungsu himself thought that this fear was irrational, however his mind resulted to the worst case scenario each time he thought about telling them. That he would tell them, one would accidentally slip to a manager or staff and then the two of you would have to break up. He didnât want your relationship to come to an end, so he kept silent about your relationship.
âSince when do you call y/n âbabyâ? Did you two start dating or something?â Jooyeon spoke, with the last sentence holding a sarcastic tone. He happened to be peeping at Jungsuâs phone screen, seeing him texting you. It would have been fine if Jungsu just played it off as a joke, but instead all he could do was laugh awkwardly. Making Jooyeon realize that his use of sarcasm wasnât necessary.Â
âYou two are actually dating?â he asked in disbelief. He said it so loud the rest of the members in the dorm heard him.Â
âWhoâs dating?â The members questioned, coming into the room.Â
âY/n and Jungsu,â Jooyeon informed. Disbelief makes its way onto the rest of the members' faces.
âSeriously? Since when?â Seungmin asked.
â...Two months,â Jungsu revealed. His voice was barely higher than a whisper.Â
âTwo months? Two months and you never told us? Why?â Gunil questions. It was clear by the looks on the members' faces that they felt betrayed by Jungsu not telling them.
âI was scared,â Jungsu admits.Â
âOf what? You know we like y/n.â Jooyeon noted.
âThat management would find out and make me break up with y/n.â He voiced his concern.
âSo you donât trust us to keep it a secret?â Hyeongjun accused.Â
âNo, I didnât say that. Itâs just a worst case scenario. That I know is unlikely to happen, but it could and that really scared me,â Jungsu reasoned. The other members understand where Jungsu is coming from, but they still are hurt. They never thought that Jungsu would keep his relationship hidden from them. It will take a bit of time before theyâre able to move on from this.
Gaon/Jiseok
Jiseok liked the thrill of being in a secret relationship. The fact that nobody else, besides you, knew. He was having fun sneaking out to go see you in the middle of the night or lying about spending time in a studio when he was really going to hang out with you. He never meant for the secret to go on for this long though. He thought he would enjoy it for a few weeks, a month even, but then come clean and tell his members about his new relationship. However Jiseok just wasnât ready to reveal his romantic secret. He canât even think of a good reason for why he doesnât want to tell his members.
âDidnât you say you were gonna be at the studio today?â Jungsu prompted. Jiseok begins to slightly panic.Â
âYeah, I was why?â He tried to sound casual.Â
âReally cause I went there to see if you wanted to grab dinner, but you werenât there.â The panic begins to fully set in now.Â
âMustâve been when I stepped out for a moment,â Jiseokâs voice wavered.Â
âI thought that too, but then I ran into Gunil and he said that you never came to the studio at all today.â Jiseok knew that he had been caught. Gunil entered the room along with the rest of the members. They had a feeling Jiseok was keeping something from them. Itâs not the first time Jiseok wasnât where he said he was going to be.
 âYep you were never there,so where were you?â Gunil pressed.
âOn a date with my significant other.â Jiseok looked down at his lap, not knowing what else to say.Â
âWhy did you hide it from us?â Jungsu inquired.Â
âI didnât mean to keep my relationship a secret for this long I swear. It was fun having it be a secret yâknow. I liked it. I originally planned on telling you guys about it after a couple of weeks, but I just never felt ready to tell you guys. I donât even have a reason for why either. All I can say is Iâm sorry.â The members werenât too upset with Jiseok. They did still feel hurt about Jiseok not telling them about his relationship, but they understood that it wasnât anything personal. He was just having fun with his secret.
O.de/Seungmin
Seungmin knew that if he ever got into a relationship that he would have to hide it from the public, due to him being an idol, but he didnât know that he would end up hiding it from his members as well. A lot of dating rumors about idols had been going around recently and seeing all the hate these idols got for mere rumors put Seungmin off to telling anyone about your relationship. Itâs not that he thought his members would disprove of him dating, but rather that he thought it would be safer for his members to not know.
âWhoâs y/n?â Hyeongjun asked. Seungmin was currently showing Hyeongjun a video on his phone when you just so happened to text him. Seungmin panicked for a moment.Â
âJust a friend.â He played off.Â
âYou save all your friends contacts with hearts after their names?â Hyeongjun arched an eyebrow. The other members happened to catch wind of the conversation taking place between Seungmin and Hyeongjun and made their way over to them.
âTheyâre my favorite one.â Seungmin tried to pass off, but he knew that he would have to come clean.
âYouâre really still not gonna tell us. Seungmin, it's obvious they're not just a friend,â Hyeongjun said.Â
âYeah either you are dating whoever this y/n is or you wish that you were,â Jooyeon stated.Â
âI am,â Seungmin came clean. âIâm in a relationship with y/n.âÂ
âAnd you didnât tell us because? I thought we were close man.â The members never thought that Seungmin would keep quiet about being in a relationship. It hurt them. They would tell Seungmin about their crushes, but he failed to mention that not only he had a crush, but was also in a whole relationship.Â
âThere are a lot of rumors going around about idols being in relationships. They get so much hate just for these rumors. I thought that it would be safer for you guys if you didnât know, so that if my relationship got out that you guys wouldnât get unnecessary hate for knowing that I was in a relationship. I donât really know if that makes complete sense, but I just thought that it would be for the best.â Seungmin explained. The members could see where Seungmin was coming from, but they were still hurt and needed time to forgive him.
Junhan/Hyeongjun
Hyeongjun and you were childhood friends. The rest of the Heroes knew all about your guysâ friendship. They thought that it was cute and were glad that Hyeongjun had such an amazing friend like you but his side. What they didnât know was that you werenât just his longtime friend. You had become his significant other as well. Hyeongjun didnât tell them: A) he wasnât sure how to bring it up and B) he was worried that with more people knowing about your relationship that there would be more chances for someone to slip up and accidentally reveal it. Rationally he knew that his members would keep it a secret, but there mere chance that the two of you being together could be revealed was enough to scare him into keeping quiet.
âI know that you and y/n are really close friends, but isnât kissing their temple while hugging them like that a bit much?â Jungsu asked. Jungsu was scrolling through the practice videos Hyeongjun had on his phone when he came across the photo of you and Hyeongjun together. The color drains from Hyeongjunâs face.Â
âUmâŚit was just for the photo? Like a joke.â Hyeongjunâs voice was not believable at all. He knew what he was saying held no truth to it anyway.Â
âWhen did you two start dating?â Jungsu asked.Â
âWhoâs dating?â Jiseok questioned upon entering the room and of course his statement was enough to catch the other members attention as well.
âY/n and Iâ Hyeongjun found his voice enough to reveal your twosâ relationship.
âWhy would you keep that a secret from us? You know when you first told us about them we thought that you guys were dating anyway,â Jooyeon said.Â
âThe more people who know the more chances there are of it possibly getting out. Itâs not that I donât trust you guys, but the thought of our relationship getting exposed to the public terrifies me,â Hyeongjun reasoned.Â
âStill sounds a bit like you donât trust us,â Gunil stated. Call it the hard truth Gunil said what the other members were thinking in their minds. Yes, they could see and understand Hyeongjunâs point of view too, but it still hurt that he thought one of them would slip and expose his relationship.
Jooyeon
Jooyeon himself is shocked how he has gone so long without telling the members about his relationship. Being in a secret relationship was a fun game to him. A game that he didnât want to stop playing anytime soon apparently. Everytime he would go out on a date with you without getting caught filled him with a great sense of accomplishment. He didnât really think about how he was lying to his members, too busy being blinded by the thrill. Plus sneaking away to see you was also a much needed break from the stress that came with his occupation. He could forget about work while he was with you. He didnât need to be Jooyeon from Xdinary Heroes, only Jooyeon, your boyfriend.Â
âWhere have you been?â It was like a scene from a movie. Jooyeon silently crept back inside of his room. Only to be discovered by Seungmin who was waiting there in the dark sitting on a chair. His voice scared the crap out of Jooyeon making him jump.
âI thought that you were sleeping,â Jooyeon siad.Â
âI was until I heard what I thought was you going to the bathroom around one am, but you didnât come back, so I checked the bathroom to see if you somehow fell asleep in there. I only discovered that you werenât in the dorm,â Seungmin explained. Jooyeon realized that he had been caught. His little secret relationship game was over.Â
âI have something to tell you and the other members,â Jooyeon confessed.Â
Thatâs how all the members found themselves gathered in their dorm living room half-asleep and bed headed.Â
âIâm in a relationship,â Jooyeon disclosed. The room fell silent. It was broken by Jiseokâs laughter.Â
âThatâs funny Jooyeon, good one.â Jiseok smacked Jooyeon on the back of his shoulder.Â
âIâm serious,â Jooyeon told. It seemed like his members had gone into shock. No one said anything as if they couldn;t process Jooyeonâs words.
âHow could you not tell us before?â Gunil was the first to speak and he was clearly hurt.Â
âI was having fun with it being a secret. I liked sneaking around. I donât know how Iâve gone so long without telling you guys honestly,â Jooyeon answered. âIâm sorry if you feel hurt by me not telling you,â he added, but the members did feel hurt and they would need some time.
#xdinary heroes#xdh#xdh imagines#xdh x reader#xdinary heroes imagines#xdinary heroes x reader#xh gunil#xh jungsu#xh gaon#xh jiseok#xh o.de#xh ode#xh seungmin#xh junhan#xh hyeongjun#xh jooyeon#gunil x reader#jungsu x reader#gaon x reader#jiseok x reader#o.de x reader#seungmin x reader#oh seungmin x reader#junhan x reader#han hyeongjun x reader#hyeongjun x reader#jooyeon x reader#goo gunil#koo gunil#gunil
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30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 13
GROUP TEXT
Sam is notorious for struggling with modern text language, memes, etc. and is always teased for doing so, but when she misspells a word on the same token, the rest of the Core Four can't let her live it down. (AU: Dead characters are alive)
Primary help from @samcscreams, @dreamersbcll, & @zombiemeadow Other contributing writers: @alkivm & @fantasylandbitch - ty so much for the help!! i couldn't have written it without each of you âĄ
Core 4 â¤ď¸âđĽđŞ
Sam: Guys, I gotta question.
Mindy: Whatâs up??
Chad: Shoot
Tara: what is it?????
Sam: What does âIDK, LY,â and âTTYLâ mean?
Tara: I donât know, love you, talk to you later
Sam: Ok, love you too Tara â¤ď¸ Chad, Mindy, do either of you know??
Mindy: omg đ
Chad: I donât know, love you, and talk to you later
Sam: Oh ok. Wow I guess I asked at a bad time. Everyoneâs busy haha
Mindy: NO SAM THATâS WHAT THEY MEAN!!! IDK means âI donât knowâ, LY means âlove youâ, and TTYL is âtalk to you laterâ đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
Tara: lmfao DUHHHH
Chad: #sendhelp4sam
Sam: Fuck..
Mindy: Girl keep up!!Â
Tara: thatâs hard for her bc she wasnât born in this century. sheâs like lowkey a boomer fr
Mindy: Ahhh right
Sam: IâM LITERALLY IN THE SAME GENERATION AS YOU TARA
Tara: ok, boomer
Mindy: just by a year, barely
Chad: wait⌠Sam are you related to Uncle Sam????
Tara: A DISTANT ANCESTOR?????? o.O
Sam: Are you serious⌠no, Iâm not..
Mindy: OK gotta agree with Boomer Sam here. Just because they have the same name doesnât mean theyâre related, dingus
Sam: Stop.
Tara: lol âboomer samâ
Sam: . . . . .
Chad: 21th century got ur tongue there, old timer?? đ
Tara: nah her dentures probably fell out
Sam: You donât need your mouth to fucking textâŚ
Tara: ah my bad, then is it the arthritis?
Mindy: Bet itâs the arthritis 100%
Chad: LMFAOOOO
Sam: Thatâs not funny.
Tara: NO UR RIGHT ITâS HILARIOUS
Mindy: No, T, donât shout out her, you know how the olâ elders feel about loud and obnoxious noisesÂ
Chad: OHHH Samâs that old fish from that one episode of spongebob that kept yelling âToo loud! Still too loud!â itâs so sam-coded đŤĄ
Tara: ahahahahaha fr tho!!!!
Sam: No, itâs ducking not.
Sam: *fucking
Chad: Ducking??????? DUCKING???!!!!!
Tara: poor thing hasnât gotten reading glasses yet. I told u to get some a looooooonnngg time ago Sam! did u seriously forget again??Â
Sam: Give me a break, it was autocorrectâŚ
Mindy: Uh.. of course she did! She probably hasnât refilled her dementia medication yet smh
Sam: SERIOUSLY??? WOULD YOU GUYS STOP!!
Chad: *WOULD YOU GUYS STOP?! - You forgot the question mark there, senior citizen
Chad: Now, she canât grammar correctly.. Someone get her Life Alert before she does anything else!!!!!Â
Sam: Fuck you.
Chad: Hey hey easy, Iâm just respecting my elders đ
Sam: Youâre not even using correct grammar either so stfu.
Tara: oh man, I hope youâre sitting down, Sam. donât want u getting so worked up that u fall and break a hip.. đŤŁ
Mindy: emphasized âHey hey easy, Iâm just respecting my elders đâ
Mindy: replied to âHey hey easy, Iâm just respecting my elders đâ: Oh my God, THATâS IT!!!
Mindy named the group chat âGranny Samâs LifeAlert Team đđĽâ
Mindy changed Samâs contact name to âGranny Sam đ§â
Mindy changed the group chat photo.
Chad: đđđ
Tara: GRANNY SAM??? IâM DEAD đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Mindy: Yesss! We must protect Granny Sam, sheâs quite frail after all đ
Tara: true, very true
Granny Sam đ§: đđđ
Chad: rude.
Mindy: Donât take it personal. Sheâs just cranky because she hasnât had her afternoon nap. Who wants to volunteer to take her to bed???
Tara: nose goes! đŤ˘
Chad: Not it!!
Granny Sam đ§: I swear to God if I hear someone outside my door, Iâll fucking show you how to take it personal, starting with you, Tara.
Granny Sam đ§: Howâs THAT for cranky?
Chad: Oooooohhhh she mad nowâŚ
Mindy: Itâs fine. By the time she would get across the room, sheâd probably have to sit down. Bad back and everything yk?? Old people probs đ¤ˇââď¸
Granny Sam đ§: Ok, Tara, you can thank Mindy because she just took your place in being the one I beat the shit out of first.
Tara: Thx Mindy, love u đŠˇ
Mindy: Is that supposed to scare me, grandma?
Granny Sam đ§: It should.
Granny Sam đ§: Change my name back. Change the group name back. And change the goddamn picture back!
Mindy: Uhhhh excuse you⌠magic word???
Granny Sam đ§: Are you serious?
Mindy: Damn straight.
Granny Sam đ§: Fine.
Granny Sam đ§: Please.
Mindy: Nah, Iâm good
Granny Sam đ§: MINDY
Tara: PFFT XD
Chad: Iâm finna bet money. Fight! Fight! Fight!
Mindy: Okay, but I hope you have medicaid, Ms. Nancy Loomis II
Granny Sam đ§: THATâS IT
Tara: O-OÂ
Tara: shit just got real
Chad: yep. U shouldnât have brought her real grandma into it.. It was nice knowing u, Mindy đ
Tara: rip đŞŚđ
Mindy: Okay guys, send help. I actually think she might be coming to kill meâŚ
Tara added Billy to the group.
Tara: BILLY!!! ok u know I would never ask for ur help but⌠CONTROL UR DAUGHTER SHEâS GONE MAD
Billy: We all go a little mad sometimes.
Chad: Ok, well sheâs dead
Mindy: Chefâs kiss perfection tho!! đ¤đ¤
Tara: NO SERIOUSLY!!! sheâs gonna kill Mindy any minute now. U need to stop her đł
Billy: Iâm guessing Samâs pissed because of the group name, icon, and⌠her contact name?
Chad: YES!!!!
Tara: YES AND NOW SHEâS GONNA KILL MINDY PAY ATTENTION AND DO SOMETHING
Billy: Sam, youâre not killing Mindy.
Granny Sam đ§: You asking me or telling me?
Billy: Good point. Iâm TELLING you. Youâre NOT KILLING Mindy.
Granny Sam đ§: Or what?
Billy: Well Iâd tell you, but I donât think you want the other 3 to hear.
Tara: đ
Chad: đł
Mindy: ?????
Granny Sam đ§: âŚâŚ
Granny Sam đ§: Youâre lucky I love you, Mindy..
Mindy: I know I am đ
Billy: Good girl.
Granny Sam đ§: Donât even start.
Billy: Hey, they called me for you. Youâre the one who started shit.
Chad: Hey Billy, if I paid you, would you tell us what you wouldâve done??
Tara: O.o
Granny Sam đ§: Hey Chad, if I paid you, would you shut up?
Chad: nope!
Granny Sam đ§: Fine. Then Billy, if I paid you, would you get the hell out of here?
Tara: lol
Billy: Sorry Chad, but as tempting as that sounds, no. And Sam, how much are we talking?
Granny Sam đ§: A dollar.
Billy: No.
Granny Sam đ§: Get out.
Billy: Someone change everything that was changed back to normal first. If I leave and get dragged back into this, youâre all gonna pay. đ
Chad: Yes sir! đŤĄ
Tara: thatâs you, Mindy
Mindy named the group chat âCore 4 â¤ď¸âđĽđŞâ
Mindy changed Granny Sam đ§âs contact name to âSamâ
Mindy changed the group chat photo.
Billy left the group.
Sam: Thank you.
Chad: Donât thank us, thank your dad
Sam: Take the win, Chad.
Chad: đŤĄ
Mindy: Okay sooooo what was all that about between you and your father, Sam???? He was like gonna.. Punish you or something?
Sam: Or something. I honestly donât know what he was getting at, but I wasnât about to let it get far enough to know so⌠đ¤ˇââď¸
Tara: OR youâre secretly a âdaddyâs girlâ and donât want us to know?????? đ¤
Sam: TaraâŚ
Mindy: Hmm that gives me an idea⌠đĄ
Mindy named the group chat âPrincess Loomis đđŞâ
Mindy changed Samâs contact name to âDaddyâs Girlâ
Daddyâs Girl: FUCK
this was so fun to write holy shit xD but my apologies if anything said by any of the characters offends you.
to all of my mentioned peeps above, i hope i did your ideas justice! ik i didn't do everything, but i had so much fun writing this that i know i will definitely be writing more text chats at some point. i'll get to the others! thank you again and blessings to you all. â
All my best! ⥠- parker
#scream#scream v#scream vi#sam carpenter#tara carpenter#carpenter sisters#chad meeks martin#mindy meeks martin#core four#billy loomis#ao3#ao3 writer#ao3 fanfic#fanfic#30 day writing challenge#group text#AU: Nine Lives
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okay am i insane, probably, but hear me OUT!! yk i am yelling for that squidink spinoff (LETS GO LESBIANS (bi actually)) but a richip au/spinoff/something??? you cooked a bit - a lot - with that vision. like again HEAR ME OUT. i LIVE for platonic richip, my fave besties!!! but also chip being planned for richie makes so much sense??? and also after his speech to david (blegh) âI WOULD BE SO LUCKYâ (he has her number memorized!! her biggest defender!!her guard dog!!) how can they not smooch?? at least in one universe?? and also chip is the best and coolest aunt to eva, so imagine chip as a step mom?? and chip thinking her and richie werenât friends (/only friends by circumstance) when in fact he was fucking fighting for her the whole time and then years later their friendship evolves into something more??? i love a friends to lovers what can i say, and richip would be PEAK, devour the dynamic in fact.
also for shits and giggles imagine MIKEYâs reaction to canon richip (yes youâre the canon actuallyđ). like either if mikey is rip, then imagine richip joking about what his reaction would be (which is sweet but sad at the same time) or if heâs alive yay!! then MAN would he have some thoughts!!
(also richip in the mikey era would be so cool to see because being in that era is so interesting but i donât think thereâs any way around what mikey was going through so i canât really see richip happening organically during that time cause they were both hauling ass to keep mikey alive)
SO I GUESS WHAT IM SAYING IS WE NEED FUCKING RICHIP AS WELL
is this just my sneaky way of making you write more for the bear because we need every pairing cause youâre the best one out there and no one else can compare (in my eyes)??perchance, a smidge
I HONESTLY LOVE TO HEAR THIS HAHA, oops all romance for everyone !!!
RiChip dynamic is so fun to me, I think I've said before but I'm nothing if not a parrot of myself--- they are just so everything to each other, yknow? Like thats my road dog that's my best friend that's my work husband but maybe my real husband but also my cousin but not in a weird way but also my dad but also my estranged other half
yknow?
it's so far away in my brain now, but i remember my whole idea with 'Handyman and Richie' started out not even as her being this integral past but actually just a called in handyman that is really the ONLY ONE that notices how hard richie works, and how much shit he STILL gets despite growing so much; like, the scene from Just Dropped in the parking lot was the FIRST scene i thought of, in this series, but as Richie/Chip's like ooo la la sparks fly i see you omg let's kiss, type beat. when he death grip hugs? that was the smooch moment!
they were gonna be a very messy almost friends with benefits basically (but the benefits are that she can fix his broken shit). they were SO casual by chappell roan core. in the end i am happy where i landed with carmen, but just fun behind the scenes facts, ig
but anyways, i think in CK, because of Richie and also even Syd being my first ideas for a romance, i truly can't help but put a sprinkle of tension in everything. a dash, perhaps. I should make a compilation of Richie Chip moments for myself. I love them dearly.
OH. fun fact, on the topic of the David speech; little piece of CK canon that, i should probably maybe write a blurb for at some point: Richie has her number memorized because she's his emergency contact!
I think initially it was probably Tif, then Mikey, then Donna. And then post Mikey, Tif and Chip, and post BAD NEWS, just Chip.
And a lil extra bit: 100% when he went to jail, he was highly considering calling Chip, but figured, probably NOT the best way to reintroduce himself. ugh. i just think it's a fun parralel to syd, who also called when shit went sideways
i need to stop yapping it's past mid night but truly now i gotta consider the ramifications of mikey's feelings about Chip and Richie. I am so unsure.
I think he'd just be like oh of fucking course. But with his whole shipping of Carmen and Chip, I think he'd be tastefully bitchy about it, honestly. I imagine Mikey'd probably off-handedly mention her fitting Carmen well, and Richie would have to debate either going "haha,,,, yeahh,,,,, for surrreeeeee maannnnn" or telling him TO "LAY AWF THAT'S MY BROAD", those were his playful misogyny days, so. lil bit probably.
anyways. gotta go ruminate on this some more. richie and chip are fun. the man really knows how to express his gratitude for her, and i think that's what gets y'all ABSOLUTE HORN DOGS the most riled up. praise kink?
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Too Sweet: Prologue
Matthew Sturniolo X Reader
A/N: I did a poll to see if yâall wanted this but I already had it written so it was a trick question đđđđ
Contains: literally nothing, no smut no fluff just story
TW: alcohol abuse?, drunk driving, existential dread
Matt is an optimistic do gooder on his way to Redwood University to start his masters degree. Heâs far from home but he feels like the world is at his fingertips.
Cricket is a high school drop out going nowhere fast. Sheâs deeply unhappy with her job as a bartender at a tavern frequented by Dungeons and Dragons larpers.
They canât help but feel drawn to each other, but is he too sweet for her?
This is what they were doing the morning of the day they met.
Y/Nâs Pov
Itâs 8 am on a Tuesday. I take a shot of fireball in preparation for my 12 hour shift at The Enchanted Mushroom Tavern and Inn. It is a belief commonly held that taverns and inns only exist in dungeons and dragons. This is false, as all well loved imaginary things come to life with time. Thatâs a fancy way of saying this place was built for people who LARP and I have to pretend Iâm a medieval bar wench.
I squeeze myself into my costume that consists of an off white shirt with puffy off the shoulder sleeves, a mossy green skirt with a tattered and uneven hem, and a brown corset over top that I will note is Elizabethan and not medieval. The woefully inaccurate uniform isnât the worst part of the job though. While at work my name is no longer Y/N itâs Petronella Epworth the fucking third and I wear the dumbass name tag to prove it.
âLetâs go, Phoebe!â I yell from our living room. Iâve never been a patient woman. Not even when we were kids. We met in kindergarten when she was hesitant going down the big slide at the park and I decided she was taking too long and pushed her. Iâm bitch but Iâm an insanely efficient, hardworking bitch that gets what she wants.
âGive me a minute!â Sheâs been working at the Tavern with me for a year and a half, and Iâm always 15 minutes early for work. Because we carpool, she is always 15 minutes early for work, which has given her a reputation of reliability that she does not deserve. Phoebe has a few redeeming qualities to make up for her flakiness. When I need her, and she actually shows up, sheâs unreasonably nurturing. One time, when I got sick after I dropped out of high school, she played hooky and stayed in my familyâs trailer to take care of me. She brought ingredients for homemade soup and blankets. Nice blankets, too, the fleece ones that go on sale around Christmas time. The book she stole from her motherâs collection to read to me was the highlight of my week. It was called âMy Alpha Mate.â The main character was an omega, and her love interest was an alpha. I think they were like werewolves or something. It was extremely smutty.
âIâll just wait in the car, then!â Thereâs a loud thud as I close the front door. My van is objectively shitty. Itâs a 1998 Nissan Quest that Iâve named Ted. I do, however, feel that if youâre 24 and own a van, you ought to be either a mother or a hippie with that cool Volkswagon. My vehicle doesnât match me at all, but at least he carts around all the shit I own that doesnât fit in my apartment. While I wait in the driverâs seat, I take a swig from the flask I keep in the carâfireball, of course, always fireball. I take a long look at myself in my rearview mirror and wonder what Iâm doing with my life.
Mattâs Pov
Itâs 8 am on a Tuesday and the sun is shining down on me through the sunroof of my car. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I already know itâs one of my brothers.
Weâre triplets and have never been apart for more than 3 days at a time. When I was getting my bachelors degree they got an apartment two blocks away from my dorm. Chris and Nick never went to college and started a clothing brand called Fresh Love and a chapstick brand called Space Camp. Safe to say my lips are well moisturized. Iâm actually wearing gray Fresh Love sweatpants right now. Theyâre very comfortable and perfect for long drives. Iâm embarking on a 10 hour road trip to my new apartment near Redwood University where I will be studying for the next 5 years. My brothers think Iâm absolutely insane for moving this far away from home.
âChris, you know I hate answering the phone while Iâm driving.â He does this on purpose to piss me off, but when I get into an accident because he divided my attention, heâs going to be sorry.
âDude, did you know Red Uâs mascot is a booby.â
âYes, I did.â I most certainly did not know that.
Nick chimes in because, of course, Nick is there too. Theyâre never far apart. âOkay, but, listen to me when I say this, Matt, itâs a blue-footed booby at Red U.â He puts emphasis on blue and red. âDoesnât that bother you? It bothers us!â
âWhy on earth would that bother me? Iâm not going for the sports anyway.â It bothers me a great deal. I canât believe I have to rep the Redwood blue-footed boobies. This will surely tarnish the Sturniolo family name.
âShut up!â says Chris. âI know it bothers you, and thatâs why you have to turn that car around immediately and come back home.â
âChrissy, I love you and Nick the most, but I have to go. Iâve got a scholarship and a once-in-a-lifetime internship.â Red U is home to one of the most prestigious research labs in America, and I have an internship there. Itâs the whole reason I applied to the university; the scholarship was just an added bonusâthe perks of being a straight-A student.
He groans, âI know. We know youâre going to go out and do great things.â
Weâre just gonna miss our little Mattmallow,â adds Nick in that weird baby voice people use sometimes. My heart sinks at the use of my childhood nickname.
âIâm gonna miss you guys too.â More than Iâve missed anyone ever.
âAlright, man. Iâm gonna leave you alone. I know you hate talking and driving,â Nick says, and I know heâs feeling a little uncomfortable.
âLove you, guys.â
âLove you.â
âLove you, too.â
The line goes dead and I know I should feel some sort of sadness but really I just feel loved. I am deeply loved, my future is bright, and I feel like today is an omen.
Masterlist
Taglist
@wurlibydominicfike @yourmumscar69 @69isabella69 @mattsturniolosgf @mrsmiagreer since you guys liked the Too Sweet poll post
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo imagine#sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo fanfic#matthew bernard sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo edit#sturniolo triplets smut#the sturniolos#Spotify
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Movie Night đĽđ¸
Okay, so I decided to participate in this challenge and I hope you all love this. Now, let's go! đ
This is not edited, so I apologize if it's terrible. It's about to be 5 AM for me, so I'm not gonna bother. đ¤Ł
đ Warning đ NFSW 18+ ONLY
Just crack smut because we all need humor in our lives.
"All right, guys. You all get situated, I'm gonna check on Lily." Leo says as he heads upstairs to his and Lily's apartment suite.
It was a movie night. Usually they would have it at the Lair but, due to the snowstorm, they went with Leo's place instead. The guys made sure their father was okay and had proper heating sources for the harsh weather.
The leader heading towards the master bedroom, he knocked on the door (out of habit) and opened it. His eyes widened then filled with wanderous desire and lust as he took in his wife's form. No matter how many times he saw her, his body would always go up in flames.
Her long white hair stuck to the bottom of her back, clearly finished drying it off as she worked on her arms and breasts.
Oh, he could taste her skin ready.
"Can I help you?" Lily's tone was filled with innocent curiosity, but he knew better than to fall for it. She wasn't as innocent as she made out to be. Used to, yes, but now she's just filled with surprises.
Leonardo chuckled with some sort of mischief as he closed the door behind him. "I think you already know, blossom."
Even with the stoic face, his heterochromatic eyes were gleaming with amusement. Clearly entertained by Leo's confession. "Do I, my dearest? We have guests downstairs. You better behave."
She gasped as Leo took grasp of her; the woman's breasts pushed against his plastron and the man can't help but smirk. "Then you better be quiet."
Raph sighed as he looked towards the ceiling. "Why are they taking so long?"
"Maybe a malfunction?" Donnie concluded as he started typing on his phone, clearly talking to his wife while she traveled to London for business purposes.
"What kind of malfunction? For clothes? This woman is rich beyond belief. I won't be surprised if she has three closets worth." Raph grumbled as he started pacing. When he got older, he used to learn a little bit of patience. But he's starting to be on edge since his wife wasn't next to him.
"Dude, can you hear that?" Mikey said out of nowhere and that's when the brothers kept quiet and listened in. That's when their mouth gaped when they could hear moans from upstairs.
"Well there's your answer, Raph," Donnie whispered as the brothers gathered around each other as smirks were plastered on their faces.
"Man, Leo must be giving it to her good if she's making sounds like that," Mikey snickered as he rubbed his palms together. "You're thinking what I'm thinking, guys?"
Their plan was now set in stone.
Lily couldn't hold it in even if she tried. Her beloved knew her weak points and he took advantage of it. Moans and whatever sounds came out of their throats as she gripped the sheets, her nails digging into them like a vice. His palms held on to her hips, his pelvis working wonders to her and she let out a pleasured wail of ecstasy.
"Thought you're gonna keep quiet?" He teased as his thrusts picked up speed. "You're so beautiful like this, Lily. I could ravish you like this forever if you let me."
Oh, she will definitely let him.
She knew he would take good care of her, and proved to her that he would.
With that, she held onto his shoulders as she could feel the edge of release. "Leo, I'm close!"
"Finish her, Leo!"
Leo all but stopped as he heard Raph yell from downstairs and the laughter that came with it, he knew his brothers heard everything. How could they? His wife was letting everything out and he almost felt sorry for her.
Almost.
Her face says it all. She just wants to be buried under the covers.
And an idea but him, but Lily will either love it. Or he was sent to the dog house.
His thrusts continued and she gasped out at the sudden pleasure. "You heard him, little one. Come on, give me an orgasm."
She can't deny him of such a request, not when she was so close to the brink of paradise. Her back arched as she came for him and only him, screaming out his name as her small palms clutched him like her life depends on it. Leo can't help but to stagger as his release washed over him like a hurricane.
She just felt so good.
Oh, how he could just drown in this woman.
Her arms grew weak as she tried to catch her breath and his lips formed a prideful smirk.
"Fatality!" Leo yelled back to Lily's horror and the turtle brothers' laughter was heard soon after.
Oh, she could just kill a man right then and there.
Tags:
@turtle-babe83 @post-apocalyptic-daydream @nittleboo @leosgirl82 @thelaundrybitch @tmnt-tychou @hotredphoenix @happymoonangel @pheradream15 @fyreball66 @scholastic-dragon @akesdraws-blog @sharpwindow @exovapor @rin-rin-winter
If you don't want to be tagged or want to be tagged, let me know! ^^
Here's my Master List!
đ REBLOGS ONLY, NO REPOST đ
#TMNT All 4-1 Challenge#tmnt bayverse#tmnt 2014#tmnt 2016#tmnt fanfiction#dilucsflame33#tmnt leonardo#tmnt leo 2014#tmnt leo x oc
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Hi Jess! â¨
Just saw your reblog of your story "Don't Push Your Luck", and did I read it right? YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE ANOTHER DRABBLE FOR THEM??? đ¤§đĽ°
Sorry, I don't really mean to be yelling lol, I was just so happy when I read that we will discover more of their struggles as business partners (and their complicated feelings for each other đ¤). This was such lovely news to the starts of my day! Thank you đ
Do you have a taglist for the series? If you do, can you please tag me in all future drabbles or anything for this series? It's so damn good and I really enjoying the vibes with their tension and banter! And if you ever write the moment they get together (again, not the first time from when they were in school, though that could be funny to read too), I want to be there and read it đŤśđž
I hope you have the best day, Jess! Thank you so much for gracing us with your talent and stories ⨠love you and your writing đĽ°
Hi Lissa! Hehe yes, you read that correctly! There will be another drabble. It'll be smutty with some drama ofc đ though, I might leave readers hanging đŤŁ
I don't have a taglist, but I can tag you! These two are so much fun to write and I love their dynamic.
Ouuuuuuhhhhh--the night they slept together in college would be a fun one to write. I may have to add that to my list.
I'm about to head off to bed, but I hope your day is lovely đ thank you so much for reading and supporting my fics. (Cause it really does mean the world to me!)
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4.) SĂŠance session
It's s cold and unforgiving nigth and the moon was full and shiny in the night but this is not just normal night no no no. It's a night when all ghoul and ghost will coming out the grave and haunting everyone and it's a perfect night for SĂŠance session neo for neo trio and they did every oktober night but nothing is work but they don't care if it's working they doing for fun and it's a tradition for them but until one night the SĂŠance session willl be different.
One night the neo trio walking to the same haunted house and they holding all SĂŠance session tools and they talking each other and wondering which ghost they going to summon.
Molly, so trixieđ what we going to summon nowđŤ¤
Phoenica, and i hope it's not a scary oneđ°
Trixie, no no nođ this time we not going to summon a scary oneđ today we going to summon a ghost named lily smĂśkretđ Lily smĂśkret is a explorer and she love exploring and finding some mythical creature who lived in the earth but one day she saw something interesting of a book of wild north and she reading of a monster named james mckoko and she was fascinated because people on wild north reporting of many people dissapered in the snowstorm and everyone say it's was james mckoko who killed and eat the lost traveler in the snowstorm storm and she was so fascinated that she travelling to a mountain of wild north and it's was a strong snowstorm and the snowstorm came no where until she saw her own eyes. People on wild north was right, james mckoko is real but the problem is he is real and she become a prey to him and then he running to her and james start killing and consuming her and then she killed by the wild north boogeymanđ
Molly, that's sound horribleđ°
Phoenica, and sadđ˘
Trixie, but don't worryđ we going to summon her so that we can hear her story of adventure or mabye we can send her to heaven if we can help herđ
Molly, that sound pretty good ideađ
Phoenica, I love itđđ¤Š
Trixie, come on girlsđ we have a ghost who need a helpđ
When the neo trio is in the same haunted house thet perparing of sĂŠance session so that they going to summon lily smĂśkret and when they are finish of sĂŠance session the neo trio sitt in circle and Surrending the table and now they are perparing to summon the ghost of lily smĂśkret and now they talking together to summon the ghost.
The neo trio, we have gather to summon the ghost of lily smĂśkret. We want to summon lily smĂśkret so that we can help her to move on. We want to summon lily smĂśkret to make her suffer to end.
Trixie, LILY SMĂKRETđŤ SHOW YOURSELFđŤ
After trixie yell her name everything goes silence till they laughing so much because it's still not working but they don't care because it's fun to hang out together and everyone laughing together so much but until Phoenica stop laughing and she look shocked.
Phoenica, uhhh molly, trixieđ°
Trixie, whatđ huhđ§
Phoenica pointing at ouija and when molly and trixie look at ouija they was shocked like phoenica because the planchette start moving and stopping for a letter and trixie was shock that she actually summon lily smĂśkret.
Trixie, quick molly write that downđ¨ write that downđ¨
Molly grab her paper and pen inside her bag and start writing quickly till the planchette stop moving.
Trixie, so what does it sayđ
Molly, it's sayđŚ give me some boozeđđ¤¨
Phoenica, boozeđ
Trixie, boozeđ¤¨
Trixie know what booze because them's father have a cabinet with full of booze and he told his children that no one will ever take is booze.
Trixie, wait a minđ§ lily never drinking some boozeđ¤¨
Phoenica, but If she don't drink some boozeđ what did we summon thenđ°
Trixie, I don't know but I think we need to leave nowđ°
But the door close and locking itself and neo trio hear a eerie voice that sound not like lily smĂśkret, It's sound like a ghostly dark voice and he sound very grumpy and thirsty.
Unknown ghost, GiVe Me ThE bOoZe!
Molly, but we can't give you a booze we are a kidđđ°
And when molly say that everything goes shaking like a earthquake and all object start floating around and throwing everything and a one bottle throw at phoenica but molly catch it with her great reflex.
Phoenica, mollyđŚ youđ§
Molly, I knowđ I just train a littleđ
But it's still contuning throwing everywhere and and the house start shaking even stronger and neo trio can hear a anger voice.
Unknown ghost, GIVE ME THE BOOZE!!!!!!!
Molly, trixie make it stopđ°
Trixie, I CAN'Tđ° only a ghost can but he can stop only he want somethingđ°
Molly, he want booze but how do we get some boo-
Phoenica can't take it anymore and she start yell loud.
Phoenica, OKAY WE WILL GIVE THE BOOZE YOU WANT BUT PLEASE JUST STOP ALREADYđŤđ
And then everything goes stop and and all object falling down ans everything goes silence.
Trixie, FeenieđŚ WHY DID YOU DO THATđĄ
Phoenica, I don'tđ it's justđ° iđĽşđ˘
Phoenica start falling apart and start crying and having mental breakdown anf trixie was silence and realize what they did and start regretting what they done.
Trixie, feenieđ i'mđ° i'm so sorryđ I didn't mean thatđ˘
Trixie hug phoenica gentle and molly joining to hug them gentlely and they start crying until they hear a hard landing at the table and they look at the table and there a hourtime start flowing down.
Molly, uhhh guysđ
Trixie, I think we need to hurryđ°
Molly, whyđ°
Trixie, because if the hourtime run out we all be haunted forever till we diedđ°
Phoenica, huntedđ foreverđ°
Trixie, yea if you don't get some booze right nowđ° we all screwedđ°
And after that the neo trio start running and they start searching of a shop that sell some booze before the hourtime running out but they don't know where they can find it.
Molly found one beer in a supermarket and she took one beer and try to leave but she got caught by employer and she use her epithet to dumber the employer and then she escape with the beer.
Phoenica try to sell a whole box with full of whisky but how much money she going to give the cashier refuse to sell a beer for children so phoenica just give up.
Trixie try to stealing father's cabinet with full of booze but them was caught by father and she was in trouble.
The neo trio was about to give up and have no hope until they see a light shining their face and they see nothing but a miracle. There's a alcohol shop with all beer, whisky, booze and every alcohol you can buy it and the neo trio start running to alcohol shop and when they are inside the alcohol shop.
Alcohol shop owner, what do you want kidsđđ
They was just silence and didn't know what should they say until phoenica walk to the alcohol shop owner and she ask to him.
Phoenica, hello my gentlemanđ can I buy your shop and I will sell you one million dollarđ
Alcohol shop owner, ............ dealđ
After that the alcohol shop owner sold is shop for one million dollar but he don't care of if kids get drunk of his alcohol he just go away with all money and molly and trixie was silence while phoenica feel proud of her.
Phoenica, you welcome girlsđ
Molly, well that was uhhhđŚ
Trixie, okay we have no time for thinkđ we have all booze we needed so let's gođ
The neo trio grab all box full of beer, whisky and booze and return quickly back to the same haunted and when they are arrived they look terrified because the hourtime is almost run out.
Trixie, quick we must give all alcohol to ghost before it's too lateđ°
The neo trio start laying all box of alcohol quickly and then they are done they start having goosebumps and they feel someone looking at them behind and when they look at behind there's no one is behind them and when they look at forward they was scared because they see a ghost with black cloak that look like a grim reaper and they was paralyzed of fear and then when the ghost slowing to the box if all alcohol and Suddenly came a thunder from nowhere and everything goes dark in 15 second until everything is back to normal but the ghost and the box are gone and the sun start rising up and the neo trio walking back to home and they all are terrified yet tired.
Trixie, sođ do you all believe ghost nowđ°
Molly, I feel i will never sleep againđ°đ
Phoenica, me toođĽşđ˘đ
Trixie, sameđ
Meanwhile on the top of the tallest building there's a same ghost with black cloak just sitting there and watching the sun shine start rising up of morning and when the ghost with black cloak take the cloak of and it's revealed that it's was B.E: G who haunting neo trio and told them to bring some booze or they will be haunted forever but we wasn't alone because he got helped by epithet who was camouflaged whole time so that he can use his telekinesis to make everyone floating and shaking.
B.E: G, thank for the help epithetđ
Epithet, nas i'm just want make everyone traumatized because it's funđ
B.E: G, so what are you going to do nowđ¤¨
Epithet, I going to scare some child and adult for fun so byeđ
Epithet start camouflaging and disappearing and B.E: G was silence in min till he contuning to relaxing of watched sun rise and he open the box and grab some flask with whisky and drinking all of it and throwing the flask out of the building and he contuning drinking it.
B.E: G, manđ i love sĂŠance session prankđ
(The end)
#epithet erased#epithet#B.E: G#BIO.EPITHET: GHOST#neo trio#molly blyndeff#phoenica fleecity#trixie roughhouse
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Naruto was clueless about love from the start but here boruto knows and understand it because of him surrounded by his family and in terms of shipping he treats sumire diffrently from other girls, like listening to her advice and taking care of her and I think he is scared of being rejected by her as she did to magire(he was shown jealous, angry and worried. Even sumire treating kagura shows boruto face with jealous faceđ
In boruto sd which is not cannon hinted boruto being scared of sumire's love confession, saw dream of sumire in a wedding dress, even eats her fallen valentine chocolate from ground which she made for him and imagine nue as her father being angry for marriage permission!
As rocklee spin chibi manga was filled with every moment of narusaku in each chapter, and here borusara got same treatment in boruto sd.
Naruhina parallels minakushi from the start so bsu really parallel nh.
But fr my fav parallel will always be naruto being angry at tobi and when hina ask him que, he answered her smiling and that same happened in boruto manga when momoshiki annoyed boruto after hinata crying for his safety and him angry yelling in front of salad and mitsuki that he hate is life and next moment when he met sumire he's likeđ¤đâşď¸ to her greetings and even said sorry for making her worry.đ
Boruto is still only 12 though I agree he would have an easier time understanding love then Naruto did since he is surrounded by family and friends, but falling in love would still be a new experience for him and take him time to realise. I agree the way he treats Sumire is different you can tell he is closer with her then any of the other girls.
Nue would like be all for shipping her with Boruto I hope we get to see Nue warming up to him one day.
Liking all the BoruSumi moments and parallels it really needs to happen.
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GETTING DRUNK W THEM? (I LITERALLY LOVE YOU*sorry if it makes you uncomfortableđđĽ˛*)
That doesn't make me uncomfortable 𤣠I love you toođĽ°đĽ° I also love this idea!
Getting drunk and playing cards against humanity with DTQK + Foolish and Punz!
You guys were throwing your own party at Foolish's house and got wicked drunk :3
Me and the boys had just gotten back from the store, got alcohol and a card game. Karl said he had played it before and that it was fun so we decided to try it out. We hung out by the pool for a while just getting drunk and shooting the shit waiting for it to get a little later, played some never have I ever, truth or dare and shit like that for a while.
"Can we go back inside now it's getting windy." There goes George complaining again đ.
"Yeah but we're gonna have to dry off and change out of our bathing suits" I replied not wanting to get out yet.
"Noo, Y/N you should stay in yours, you look so sexy like that" I blushed at that, hoping he wouldn't do it again.
"Ew Punz, stop, don't ruin things đ¤Ł" Foolish (being the only sober one) elbowed him and started to get out and grabbed me a towel so hopefully punz would stop being weird.
"Bro why do you always get so fucking weird with Y/N when you're drunk, it always ruins the mood" Sap stood next to dream by the side of the pool.
"Sap it's fine, he's not ruining the mood, but seriously Jake, please stop flirting with me when you're drunk."
"Sorry, you're just pretty" I giggled a bit to myself while drying my self with the towel and wrapping it around me.
"Thanks Noah. You're a life saver đ"
"No problem Y/N, you can change in my bathroom if you want, little extra privacy. We'll be right in."
"Thanks" I walked inside and grabbed my clothes off of the couch walking to Foolish's room.
I locked his door and then went to the bathroom, also locking that one just in case. I laid out my towel on the side of the tub so it could dry and got changed. I stood there naked for a moment, giving myself extra time to air dry so nothing would stick to me. I slipped on my underwear, sports bra(if you has tibbies)and pants, not bothering to put on a shirt.
I walked downstairs to find the boys, except for Foolish and Sapnap in the living room, they must still be changing. He only has two other bathrooms so it would make sense. I took my seat next to Quackity on the couch and waited for the other two to return. Punz sat in the chair, George Dream and Karl were on the other couch, the ottoman and third seat awaiting the two boys
"Hey Y/N!"
"Hey Q, Karl you remember the rules right?"
"Of course, we each get 7 and someone reads a black card and we each pick a white one. It's pretty easy."
"Well save room for two more, jeez" Sapnap plops down on the ottoman and Foolish walks over and sits with me and Alex, putting me in between them.
"Hey, Y/N, are you okay?" Foolish whispered, all concerned. You were confused.
"Uhh, I feel fine why"
"Because when you were walking in the house you seemed really uncomfortable."
"Oh, no it's okay, Jake is just like that, I gotta get used to it I guess"
"Okay, just lemme know"
"I will"
After a few rounds, I was winning with 5 cards. Foolish with 1 Dream with 2 and no one else had any yet. We were playing to 6 so I was getting really close.
"Your turn Dream" Karl handed him the box of black cards to pick from.
"Oh, yeah alright. Umm, oh jeez 'TSA guidelines now prohibit blank in airplanes"
"Oh my god, Noah look" I showed him my card, knowing he would laugh.
"Holy shit, use that one, use that one lđ"
Clay shuffles the cards we each gave him and read them aloud.
"Alright, 'Owning and operating a Chili's franchise' 'Repression' 'Former president George W. Bush' 'Lumberjack fantasies' 'Mike Pence' 'Vomiting seafood and bleeding anally' (we all laughed at that one) and 'Cuddlin' this one's pretty good. I'm gonna have to go with Chili's though, love me some Chili's."
"YES! YES! I WIN! SUCK IT LOSERS! GAME OVER!" I stood up and yelled in victory.
"Yeah, yeah" Sapnap face palmed and they all sighed in artificial annoyance.
"You win every game Y/N, you're to good, you gotta be stopped, you guys are losers haha" Punz teases me as well as his fellow last placer's.
"I had fun tonight guys but I'm ready to go home, Can you bring me?"
"I was planning to anyway, just gonna let them crash on the couch đđ"
"Sweet, lemme grab my towel and my bathing suit real quick, out in my shoes and I'll be out to the car in a minute."
"Sounds like a plan, I'll be waiting, take your time and say your goodbyes."
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omg hi baah itsa me J.J :] anyways WHY is writing like an actual fanfic so HARD?? whenever i do hcs/ficlets shit comes so easy but the second i gotta formulate my word vomit into actual musings?? brain go THUNK. also the fact that i elected to write this from ichijs pov (the. the hardest sib for me to write for.) is NOT helping đđ first 1k is just him being melodramatic and very sad as fuck
anyways i didnt just come into your box to yell-- heres some food. and also my hesitant attempt to see what reiju would be like as anything but a dom bc ive been curious abt it:
so whenever reiju loosens her dominatrix reigns a bit niji brings out a bit of tha whore in her and she loves it :) (but also a situation like this happens SPECIFICALLY and ONLY post wci/germa cover story bc i feel like reiju would soften up on niji and yonji a bit after they showed genuine concern for her when she was in danger during wci and also bc they were literally kidnapped and presumably tortured by the Charlottes in 'emotionless excursion') this is a hill i choose to die on
like theyd just be chillin in bed together doing nothin in particular, vibing in each others presence, and suddenly niji begins running his hand up and down reijus thigh and at first shes like "aw affection attempt how cute :]" but then his hand starts moving more and more inwards and she goes *"ah."*
they dont even have to say anything bc its just an all around safe, chill environment all while nijis hand keeps moving up until it's slipped under reijus dress and underwear (if she was even wearing any underwear in the first place đđ)
during all this they fr just stay where they are and continue what theyve been doing this whole time, the only difference being niji now fingering reiju and she just relaxing back into a pillow and sighing happily about it
ofc after she came (niji definitely didnt send out little electric sparks on her clit periodically to make sure she squirted and was overstimulated nooo i dont know what your talking about đđ) she turned to him and said smthn like
"youre getting tied up for that later."
and niji (with his fingers in his mouth bc. yk đ) gives a muffled sarcastic reply of "fine, whatever. why dont you invite ichiji and yonji to watch while you're at it."
and reiju just chuckles bc like. thats not really a bad idea :]]
WOWOWO sorry for all the reiju spam recently bc i know you prioritize 1234ji together over her but shes been rotting my brain sm lately its crazy. i love my wif e :,]
J.J HELLO
Don't get me started at how words just stop wording when you try to write fics because that's definitely I thing and it's frustrating. A fic from ichiji's pov tho?? With possibly going through it and feeling feelings??? Yes pls??????
Now, while you're write about me kinda preferring 1234ji together I have to say this dynamic between niji and reiju is so tasty đ¤ I love reiju having a soft spot for him (and yonji too (and also ichiji bc why not lol)) and just letting him touch her as he pleases. It's also endearing how he started slow and soft, like, he was really trying to be a good boy and not rush things
THE BEST PART THO, NIJI USING HIS POWERS??? TO MAKE HER CUM LIKE SHE DESERVES?? WE LOVE A MAN THAT KNOWS HOW TO DO THEIR JOB. Damn I never thought of that but that's a perfect use of his abilities, I can imagine reiju trained him to do just the right amount so he wouldn't overstimulate her, but he felt daring this time and took it up a notch. And you can't convince me he wasn't considering he'd be punished for it later, he knows reiju and knows that her letting loose and relequishing control like this would come with a price later)
And of course he told her to invite ichiji and yonji on purpose too, there's no way he didn't!! He's a whore after all đ
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What about your most recent one?
send me a fic and i'll write up a director's cut commentary for it!
No More Pretend:
this one is sort of a combination of a few ideas and concepts that have been sitting in the back of my notes for a while, but i was never sure where i would put them/when i would get to them. so if it reads like three parts, this is why lol. i have been wanting to write the trio Improving and Performing A Con together for a while, and then i wanted to write a classic traveling sequence bed sharing moment, and i wanted anya and dmitry to bond over some shared trauma while having a little slumber party. it came together somewhat nicely, no?
you just know dimya had to pretend to be married at least once during the traveling sequence. it's too delicious and awkward not to think about. even though they're not as malicious against each other as they were at the start of the show by this point they still haven't quite crossed into the 'friends' threshold yet, so i don't think they would be exactly enthusiastic about the idea. and we don't see enough of vlad and dmitry working together to pull a smaller con. i think they would have, like, preexisting characters they play, depending on who they're trying to trick, and sometimes even have costumes and stuff (think dwight and jim playing brothers on the office to make a sale, for lack of a better example). and while anya doesn't like lying, i think she loves acting, pretending, playing a part. so it's delightful when she gets to exist in that sort of gray area.
i read a book recently where one of the main girls had to pretend she was kidnapped over the phone, and was like sobbing and yelling and stuff, but when she hung up she just wiped her tears away like đ and i just knew i had to write anya doing something like that at one point. idk about y'all but the bit where she reveals her 'pregnancy' is so funny to me. everyone is so uncomfortable. at this point in their relationship dimya would definitely be particularly squeamish about the thought of anya carrying his baby, but it was so fun to write, and i think dmitry is like really obviously attracted by her ability to act so well (obvious to us, maybe not to anya lol).
the bit where dmitry gives anya her food belongs to a thread that i ended up not pulling, but i think i was trying to think of excuses for them to go take a walk in the middle of the night, and one of those would've been that dmitry actually was hungry so anya was gonna be like smh let's go find an open kitchen or a bakery somewhere đ¤ but this was already getting so long. i do like including dmitry feeding her in a lot of my fics, it's just such a simple and quiet way he can take care of her. and i just think she is so so hungry.
this isn't that important, but i really like the line where anya originally thought dmitry messing with his hair was a vanity thing but she's since learned it's actually just a nervous tick, that never gets old to me. she's just... always watching him đ
the latter half of this fic was a lot more complicated to write. little confrontations and scuffles are always so hard to write with them, since they both know the other can handle themselves, but i think dmitry is protective of his own, and i think anya has mixed feelings about that whole thing. it's basically like... being vulnerable is just really Really hard lol. physical responses to past trauma are so So embarrassing to have. like, logically you know you're safe, whatever, but you feel all hot and sweaty and itchy and breathing is really hard and your hands are shaking and you just know you look like you're about to crack, and it's embarrassing!! so someone witnessing that as it happens is really uncomfortable!!
anya's trauma is a little more difficult to conceal than his, and i think she would be a little embarrassed to be seen as someone who falls apart so easily, so she's assuming he just sees a mess of a person, since he has witnessed a lot of her little panics and meltdowns by this point. and she really cares about his opinion of her for some reason. so of course she gets defensive and of course she misinterprets his protectiveness/attempt to relate as just a clinical obligation and fascination with a 'crazy' girl, and of course he gets defensive right back. but deep down they're both equals⢠on every level and there's this deep respect they have for each other above all else. they're just bad at communicating that lol.
and on top of all of this, they have to share a bed, so they're about as uncomfortable as they can get. but this fic ended up being about sitting in the discomfort a little bit, and that discomfort brings out a vulnerability and sign of trust they probably wouldn't have reached without it. they're ironically the most authentic and honest they've been with each other while lying to strangers for food and shelter lol.
and again, trauma is embarrassing. she's already had to be so vulnerable with him, now she has to force him to witness her nightmares firsthand. it's like... when you're anxious, you build up a little thing in your head until it seems impossible to stop thinking of it that way. and this fic ended up being a little bit about consent and autonomy, too, and i think dmitry feels bad anya was put in this situation to begin with, no matter how dire the circumstances are. idk how y'all feel about them having kids, but i liked how they get to discuss the idea this way, apprehensive yet open for debate at the same time. slumber party talk fr <33
dmitry's confession is sort of the big punch of the whole fic. i had that scene written on a scrap document deep in my fic folder, like, years ago, but i never attached it to anything larger until now. i was nervous about posting this fic because while i've hinted at dmitry having some sexual trauma and a history of prostitution, i've never written him explicitly saying All That before. it's definitely a headcanon i will carry with me to my grave tho đ¤ he just has so much Self Loathing already, being objectified and seen as someone only good for his body and nothing else had to have affected him. and of course he tries to downplay it, make it sound not so bad or at least not as bad as what anya has been through, but anya thinks it's important that he understands how similar they really are, how they understand each other, how grateful she is that he shared this with her and he trusts her enough.
i didn't want this whole scene to be super sad and heavy, even with the darker topic, so hopefully it's still sweet enough to swallow. we're trying to set them up to be besties by the time they hit paris, after all <3 and what's an izloveshorses bed sharing fic without some platonic snuggling đ¤
overall, this one was fun to write. working on something in canonverse between long au chapters always feels like coming home <3
#asks#Anonymous#my writing#dimya#fanfiction#sorry this is so long askhdlf#i just open the fic and type as i scroll and that sometimes breeds a long string of thoughts alhkjsdfj sorry if it's not coherent
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BRO just out of curiosity i copy pasted this into docs to find the wc aND THIS REBLOG IS 2699 WORDS LIKE ??????? THE DEDICATION?????? DEAD
also i know i've already said this but this reblog is literally what makes writing fics worth it no matter the amount of notes. like this is going to live in my head and heart rent free for the rest of my life even after i retire from tumblr and i'm eighty and hobbling along with my crane.
and i've also already said this before too but thank you SO SO much for all your help with this oneshot. you always say that you hardly did anything but without you always offering to bounce ideas, always cooking with the angst suggestions, constantly giving me feedback and encouragement about the scenes you've read, surfers would not have come to life like it has. so thank you babes ilysm đĽšđŤś
you're right though i really do think writing surfers was healing not just in the themes and interactions i was able to explore, but i LOVED writing it and it was so nice to come back to after a day of work. bro also when we're writing in our docs like i'm always in my zone and i hardly have time to keep track of how you're going apart from the occasional scroll down when you've written onto the next page bUT ISTG YOU'RE LITERALLY READING AS I WRITE ALL THE TIME HAHAHAHA i've definitely seen the changes in your writing and it makes me so giddy to see our styles becoming similar (and i love that even with us both using motifs and poetic language now our themes and ideas that we write about are still SO different :')) also STOP surfers and [redacted] being our golden hours i'm going to cry
HOHOHOH THE START OF THE MESS OF AN ESSAY OF LIVE REACTIONS WELCOME TO THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE WORD SMASH FEEDBACK STYLE BBYGORL
the continuing motif of summer taking the form of ___ always makes me so :')) because we start the fic off with that and we see the progression changes right through to the very end but look i owe it to YOU for giving me that idea to continue to motif so thank you babes <33
RAHHH YUNGI like you can honestly just tell i have such a soft spot for yungi and their dynamic is so wholesome and cute even though they're all in college like they're really all just goofy lil guys aND IKR SUNFLOWER MINGI AND MUM DOTING ON HIM TOO LIKE COME HERE BABY LET ME LOVE YOU đ𫶠and what is a loren fic without at least one or two puns sprinkled in either from yun or jongho's mouth đ¤ˇââď¸
AHAHHA YES YOU BEING A SIMP FOR SURFER!HONGJOONG (degradation kink ?????? đ) but their easy banter was definitely such a fun part to write because we can't just have all the boys being soft and nice to yn now can we pfffttt we gotta have the insults and middle fingers đâď¸
YEAH BRO THE ESSENCE OF YOUTH AND SUMMER AND THE TROLLEY BUMPER CAR SCENE IS SO ICONIC AND WHERE THE TITLE WAS CHOSEN FROM AND IT'S DEFINITELY GIVING THE MOST YOUTH FEELGOOD COMING-OF-AGE VIBES (along with the campfire yelling into the ocean scene i think those two are my personal faves) AND I'M SO GLAD THAT IT WAS PORTRAYED VIVIDLY BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN IMPORTANT CORE MEMORY TO THEIR FRIENDSHIP TOO
omg the timing of wondering where san is and then getting johnny's text was most definitely not intentional but now that you're pointing it out it's such a good coincidence đ¤ WOO AND HJ ARE MY SPIRIT ANIMALS HONESTLY JUST STICKING MY NOSE INTO ANY AND EVERYONE'S BUSINESS (except ik when to keep it private iykyk OHOHOHOHOH đ¤)
bro the san as the choreographer of the ocean yo this fic should be studied as part of the english curriculum or something HAHAHA BUT ALSO YES the montage of their summer routine with ot8 and them growing familiar with each other is so cute i can see why this is your fave section :'))
FR THAT GIRL NEEDS TO TAKE HER GRUBBY EYES OFF MY MAN SAN literally the only good thing she was useful for was awakening yn's emotions and realisations pffftt but then hongjoong goes and crushes her hopes and dreams like BROOO KISS HER YALL IN LOVEEEE WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGG but hey for the plot yknow đŽâđ¨ (yeah idk whether to address as reader / you/ yn / her but we roll)
lmao i remember when you first suggested having an older character in the fic as the wise advice person for yn to go to and we were gonna go with someone like a cafe worker or sth bUT HANEUL WAS A GOOD CHARACTER TO USE INSTEAD i love her sm too she's like yn's big sister :')) AND RAHH YES THE SCREAMING AT THE SEA SCENE THAT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST VIVID ENVISIONS I HAD WHEN I FIRST STARTED WRITING THE FIC I JUST KNEW I HAD TO INCLUDE IT
the way johnny wasn't even meant to be this hate-able as a character but then the characterisation and plot happened so here we are. this is my formal apology to johnny suh for doing him dirty đ¤ but right??? like before the boys came he was actually a decent dude who made the effort to court yn properly sooooooo redeeming factor ??? OOF YES when yn decides to snuff out her feelings GOOD FORESHADOWING METHINKS VERY POETIC/10 (no leaders is way too much of a monster i'm not touching that tyvm AHAHAHHA but also you're doing so great with it you literally don't need me)
HIT YOU RIGHT IN THE KOKORO HEARTBREAK BEFORE THE HEARBREAK DEAD HAHAHAHA but yEAHHH WE CHEER THE ANGST IS REALLY STARTING TO ANGST NOW we got all the showdowns with the boys and bro ikr like johnny dude listen to san man you may be yn's bf but you won't be for long đâ
STOP MINGI'S TUNNEL PLAYING RIGHT AS HE GETS sort of STOOD UP BY YN WHEN THEY'RE HAVING THEIR HEART TO HEART TALK talk about timing my dude how did you not just burst out crying i'm not your strongest soldier
i remember messaging you and being like i just came up with a killer line aND IT WAS THE YN NOT SAYING ILY BACK đ aND YEWWW HIS FIGHT WITH THE BOYS spontaneously added but defs added more realistic motives behind why the boys get so angry when you bring johnny along to the campfire hohoho
DUN DUN DUN THE SHOWDOWNS honestly i think we were both the most excited when the fic got up to this point and idk what it says about us that we live for the angst 𫢠YN AND HJ ARE ALREADY HARSH ENOUGH AS THEY ARE WITH THEIR BANTER SO IN A REAL ARGUMENT??? OOOFFFFFFF HURT IS HURTING and then tHE HUGE ARGUMENT WITH OT8 Y O I K E S reading in one go definitely heightens the angst and feels like ouch man and mingi??? double ouch man and then san walking out on you too?? triple ouch man
DON'T COUNT ON IT JAHKSFLSDKGSDG this was literally the one line of dialogue we KNEW we had to include before i even started writing istg you come up with the ANGSTIEST JUCIEST LINES I LOVE IT
honestly we all need a haneul in our lives to tell us how to properly communicate like real adults and also everybody say thank you jongho for being mature in this situation and making amends with yn aND THANK YOU HWA FOR BEING NOSY AND GETTING INFO OUT OF JONGHO SO THEY CAN HAVE THEIR CUTE LIL REUNION i'm glad we've started the process of healing your shattered heart :D
it was funny how the apology was one of the easiest parts to write LMAO but yes !! communication !! transparency !! honesty !! WE LOVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT WHERE THEY CAN APOLOGISE AND TALK ABOUT ALL OF THAT AND THEN BLESS YEO TRYING TO GIVE HIS FORM OF FORGIVENESS AND APOLOGY WITH THE SCARF đ
brooo surfers was completely self indulgent so i could give the boys the hairstyles i wanted RAHH PLATINUM MINGI RAHHH ASH YUNHO RAHHH BOYS IN TANK TOPS RAHHHHHHHHHH TOPLESS BODIES RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RAHHHHHH RAHHHHHHH
starting to come full circle with san's apology triggered by their childhood nicknames like guys cmon we knew from the start none of these arguments would be able to end your life-long relationship yall too in love with each other :')) YEAHHH THE MOTIF APPEARING AGAIN SUMMER IS STILL CHOI SAN <3333
GOTTA START THE HJ APOLOGY WITH SOME CRACK CAUSE THEIR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS BUILT UPON THAT and defs him and san were the main leads in this argument and heartbreak they deserved the fully fleshed out apology scenes even if my wc was racking up LOL
round table conference is the best way to describe their poly talk and trust woo to be all like tHe ReAsoN i haVe gatHeRed yOu All hErE TOdAY AND YES TRUST HONGJOONG TO SET OFF THE CHAOS WHEN HE REALISES ONLY HE CONFESSED
omg honestly i'm so glad you left the last scene to be read with the entire fic after it was completed so you could be hit right in the kokoro fully and i'm happy it gave off all the good happy cosy feels as a way to wrap up the fic
bro I'M literally :')) rn like i have been all day since i first saw your reblog and ik i've said this 2039543698 times but this reblog means so so so much to me thank you so much babes. i really hope that this is the poly the summer the coming of age fic that you and others think of and come back to reread for a long long time because this has healed me so much and i want the same for everyone else <33
we definitely have more wonderful fics coming in the future we cooked so hard tonight and i'm so so excited to plan those with you and embark on the next journey with you <33 ilysm and thank you once again for all your support with surfers <333 mwah mwah :***
the essence of youth is summers with you
genre: poly!surfers!ateez x fem!reader, childhood best friend!san, sort of college!au, slice of life and coming of age, slow burn, fluff, angst
length: 38.7k
c/w: surfer!ateez (deserves a warning), explicit profanity, hella angst, mentions of alcohol, themes of sexuality and homophobia, arguments, implied toxicity (not the boys), miscommunication, kissing, m x m interactions
synopsis: when you move away from your hometown at the age of six, you discover that summer in namhae takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding handsâ choi san. but as the summers go past and he goes to seoul for college, bringing back new friends each year, you start to develop feelings that run deeper than just friendship. will your summers of youth become ones of love and dreams, or will they end in pain and heartbreak?
a/n: i owe the biggest thank you to yumi @sorryimananti-romantic for making this fic possible and for all the support she's given me in the last three months. this fic has quickly become one that i hold dearly in my heart because of how healing it has been to write, so i hope this is also healing to read âĄ
itâs the first day of summer when you move to namhae.
the houses and trees flicker past and eventually peter out into vaster fields, mudflats and stretches of beach as your father drives through the countryside from yeosu to namhae. you idly wonder if summer in namhae will be like what it is back in your hometown.
it isnât very comfortable wedged between your parents in the middle seat of the mini-truck, especially when some of the roads become unpaved as you arrive closer to the village. but youâre wearing your cute, yellow sundress with bumble bees across the front pocket, which is your big-girl dress, so you can deal with the bumpiness a little longer without complaining. the truck sounds like itâs going to give out as it groans and sputters to a stop in front of what will be your new home.
tentatively, you hop out and look around. itâs a quaint beach house that rests along a modest coastal embankment. when you walk closer to the edge of the port, you see that thereâs a stretch of sand that leads to the ocean, and a little further down the coast is another beach houseâ your new neighbours.
the rattle of your truck must have alerted them to your arrival, because they come out with warm smiles and even warmer greetings. they exchange handshakes and hugs with your parents, then the attention falls to you. thereâs a boy who peers out from behind his motherâs legs as she compliments your dress, his round eyes brimming with curiosity at the sight of a potential playmate other than his sister. you cling onto the side of your motherâs dress and the adults share a laugh.
the boyâs mother gently nudges him forward. âgo on, sweetie. say hi.â
with another nod of encouragement, the boy shuffles closer to you with an impish grin. you realise heâs shorter than you are. âhi, iâm san. iâm six years old and i like the sea!â
the grip you have on your motherâs dress loosens a little as you mumble shyly in return, âiâm y/n. iâm six and i like the sea too.â
his smile grows impossibly wider, and his eyes and remaining reservations disappear at your words. reaching out, he grabs your hand in a physical declaration of friendship. your other hand falls away from your motherâs dress.
âweâre going to go play at the beach,â he announces, because youâre his friend now and friends play together.
on your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer takes the form of a skinny, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.
âsannie!â you skid across the wooden floorboards of his living room in your sock-clad feet, startling his father who is sitting on the couch with a newspaper.
he peers at you from above his glasses with the smile that stays consistently warm, be it from him or his son. he chuckles, âhello, sweetheart, here to play with san again?â
you bow slightly in greeting and nod before you whiz off once more in the direction of sanâs room. summer vacation has only just started and you and san have already spent seven summers together, but there are crabs to chase and waves to splash and sandcastles to build so thereâs not a day to be wasted.
âchoi san!â you holler again, thundering up to his door. youâre about to yank it open when san opens it from the opposite side, excitement already plastered across his face as he starts to yell your name too.
the moment he appears, you hurtle into his chest for a hug that ends up knocking you both off-balance. he stumbles backwards with you in his arms and rebounds off the edge of his bed, sending you both sprawling onto the floor in a fit of laughter. youâve become familiar with the way his bedroom floor feels from these exact moments, and youâve also become familiar with the way sanâs arms feel around you from being wrapped up in his tight cuddles. you may love the sea, but you love being with san just a little more.
âdo you have your bucket?â you ask, still tangled together on the floor in a mess of limbs and untamed hair.
san props himself up on an elbow and reaches behind you to reveal a large, plastic bucket. itâs purple with a white handle and it matches yours; blue with a white handle and still lying on its side from when you dropped it in favour of hugging san.
you sweep up your bucket with a cheeky grin, ârace you to the beach!â using sanâs chest as leverage to stand up, then pushing him onto his back again by his shoulders for good measure, you take off for the door.
âthatâs cheating!â he yells after you.
you sprint with glee back through the living room, barely managing to brake in time to avoid running headfirst into his mother. you greet and farewell her in a single breath before youâre off again, forgoing your sandals when you hear the thundering of sanâs footsteps and a warbled bye mum! bye dad! catching up behind you.
the pavement is hot under the bare soles of your feet but soon enough you leap off the sidewalk, bucket clattering in your hand, and the ground turns cool and soft as you run across the sinking sand. san jumps after you with a battlecry of his own and you scream when you feel him right on your tail. he catches up as you near the waves and with a final burst of energy, he grabs your hand and tugs you along with him.
your grip on your bucket is lost once more when you yelp and focus on keeping up insteadâ sanâs only got an inch on you now but why is he so much faster than you? the wet sand starts to grow colder, salty water splashing everywhere the further you sprint. neither of you slow downâ not that you could with san dragging you along right into the thick of the crashing waves as he whoops.
you dread the day san will actually be tall enough to pick you up and toss you into the water, but for now, you give him the satisfaction of pretending. you wait for him to bend down a little, then you kick the water right into his face. he splutters indignantly and blinks the sting away until he can see the wide smirk on your face. his tongue pokes his cheek as he gives you a scandalised smile, before he cocks his head and sniggers, âyour turn.â
you take that as your cue to run. san dips his bucket into the water, scooping it up full to the brim, then starts chasing you with faux anger that makes you shriek in delight. you yell breathless apologies over your shoulder in between giggles but they all fall upon deaf ears as he continues streaking after you, bucket held high like a madman with an axe.
you end up slowing down because itâs hard to run through water, and youâre met with the icy downpour of water over your head. san laughs triumphantly when you look at him with the ferocity of a soaked kitten. you eye his bucket and weigh up the odds of snatching it out of his hands versus dunking him headfirst underwater through sheer force. realistically, you have no chances of doing either. plus, san knows you too well.
âuse your own bucket, you loser,â he banters as he hides his. and yet, he walks back to retrieve your bucket for you before itâs swept out by the waves.
âare you cold?â san asks whilst passing it to you.
thereâs vigour and liveliness thrumming through your every vein. âno,â you answer, ââm not cold.â never with you.
he nods, âlet me know if you do get cold, okay? iâll grab you a jacket or something.â
âmy house is literally next to yours. i can get one if i need to,â you chuckle.
âi know, but itâs the principle of it. just shut up and let me have my chivalrous moment.â san sits with the characteristic huffiness of a teenager who thinks heâs all grown up now that heâs in high school. but itâs not very convincing when he immediately starts to shovel sand into his bucket with the enthusiasm of a puppy.
âokay, thank you, sannie. iâll let you know if i so much as shiver,â you dotingly appease him.
he nods diligently, then pats the sand next to him for you to sit down too. you join him in filling up the buckets with sand so that you two can make your thirty second attempt to build a five-tiered sandcastle pyramid. so far, youâve only ever gotten to the third layer before it starts to crumble apart.
âwhatâs wrong?â you ask when san stops packing the sand into his bucket.
you realise heâs distracted by something in the distance and you follow his line of sight to find a lone surfer riding a wave in the horizon. san watches as the manâs body becomes an extension of the oceanâ a dancing duet with the rolling waves as he stands steadily on his board with powerful elegance. when the board glides towards the shore, the man spreads his arms like an eagleâs wings and lets himself fall backwards into the sway of the water.
san is suddenly filled with yearning to learn of the seaâs choreography. he declares, âi want to become a surfer.â
âwhat happened to becoming a dancer?â you raise an eyebrow. because if thereâs one thing that san loves just as much as the sea, then itâs dancing.
âbecoming a dancer is still my dream. i meant surfing as an interest,â he breathes out. âjust look at him. he looks soâŚfree.â
you can see it in the way sanâs eyes follow the surferâs movements and sparkle with wonderâ the moment he falls utterly and hopelessly in love. âthen try it,â you encourage, âwhatâs stopping you?â
san tears his gaze away from the ocean to look at you instead. the same, loving gaze stays on his face. ânothing,â he proclaims with a growing smile. âabsolutely nothing.â
san has all the summers in the world to surf. and youâll be there with him for every single one.
you watch as san fixes his surfboard to the top of his black jeepâ the last of his luggage to be loaded.
âi donât get why youâre taking that with you. thereâs probably nowhere to even surf in seoul.â you know you sound like a snobby six-year-old and not the eighteen-year-old that you are, but you donât really care right now. not when san is leaving and you wonât be able to attend college together like you thought you would be.
tugging on the straps once more to check that theyâre secure, he chuckles, âdoesnât hurt to take it just in case.â when he sees the forlorn look on your face he adds, âiâll be back every summer, yeah?â
âit wonât be the same. who am i going to hang out with every day?â you grumble.
san laughs endearingly, âitâs only until i graduate.â
âor you find a job or a girlfriend and then youâll stay in seoul forever.â you cross your arms defiantly as san steps closer and reaches out to ruffle your hair. where you had stopped growing at fifteen, san is still growing and he now towers almost half a head over you.
âjust four yearsâno job, no girlfriendâand then iâll be back. i promise.â he opens his arms a little, ânow, do i get my goodbye hug or do i need to tickle it out of you instead?â
you huff before uncrossing your arms and sinking into his warm embrace. he folds you into his chest as your arms wrap around his waist. closing your eyes, you memorise the feeling of his back muscles flexing under your hands while he gently rocks you side to side. you soak in his body heat that swaddles your entire being in safety and home. you breathe him in one last time when you bury your face in the crook of his neck, nuzzling the steady pulse that beats there.
âiâll miss you,â you whisper, because you donât trust your voice not to crack if you speak any louder.
san presses a soft kiss against your hairline and admits, âiâll miss you more.â
you bite back the urge to respond with âthen stayâ, cherishing the moment for a little longer instead, before you step away so that he can say his goodbyes to his family. he hugs them one by one; his father, his sister, haneul, and lastly, his mother. sheâs discreetly wiping at her tears and you have to look away so that you donât start crying too. because if you start crying, everything will become blurry, and you canât afford that when this is the last time youâll see san until next summer.
you all gather around the driverâs window thatâs rolled down to the very bottom when san is finally seated. seeing him buckle his seatbelt ready to leave overwhelms you with a sense of finality and your eyes well up before you can blink the hotness away. san stretches a hand out to thumb away your tears and makes a sad noise, âdonât cry, please? we can call whenever you want.â
you sniffle, âcall me when you arrive?â
he nods with that dimpled smile you are already starting to miss. and then just like that, your best friend is gone. you stand outside his house for a stretch of time, even after the outline of his jeep has long since disappeared into the distance. it may be the last week of summer, but it feels like itâs the middle of winter today.
sanâs eyes flick upwards to look in the rearview mirror, even though he hasnât been able to see your reflection the last three times heâs looked. he had tried to appear as collected as he could to avoid making it any harder for you, but now he regrets not holding your hand a little longer; a little tighter. and if san tears up a little as he starts the four-hour drive up to seoul, then thatâs between him, the car, and the playlist you made just for him.
you absentmindedly tug on a crease in your bed sheets as you laze on your bed, phone on speaker so you donât have to hold it. âwhat was that?â you pull your device closer to your ear. âare you going somewhere?â
there it is againâ the beeping sound of a car in reverse. the warning signal stops as san answers vaguely, âhome.â
you jolt up into a sitting position, a growing sense of excitement making its way across your face as you dare to ask, âhome?â
âyeah, home,â san confirms, and you can hear the smile in his voice this time. âi told you iâd see you soon, didnât i?â
âi didnât think you meant in five literal minutes,â you almost trip over your own feet in your hurry to slip some shoes on. âoh my god, is that why you said you couldnât facetime me?â
you can hear his answer this timeâ not the scratchy voice that comes from your speaker, noâ the smooth deepness of sanâs voice close by. and there he is. after almost a year of freezing days, absent dimples and longing calls, choi san is finally back in namhae for the summer.
in quick succession, you notice three things. one, san has returned from seoul with triple the number of surfboards that he left with, strapped to the top of his black jeep. two, said man is now almost a whole head taller than you as he watches you with a smirk and disconnects your call. and three, heâs not alone.
if you think that san is tall, then the two guys that hop out of the jeep after him are even taller. one of them runs a veiny hand through his dark brown locks, which fall back down to softly frame his face. the other turns in your direction after closing his door and you realise youâve seen him beforeâ both of them, actually.
on top of your spontaneous calls with san, you facetime him every friday afternoon after your own classes have finished. heâs usually in one of the universityâs dance studios because, as a dance major at kq university, the studio is basically his second home. san mentions his friends every now and then and theyâll appear behind him to say hello to you or youâll be able to hear them in the background of the call.
quite frankly, the crusty quality of sanâs front camera hardly does them justice because wow. theyâre hot. and tall. theyâre not letting you forget that fact when the three of them step away from the jeep and closer to where you and sanâs family are waiting to welcome them.
san greets his parents with a hug before he gestures to his friends one by one, âyunho, mingi. the friends i was telling you about.â
yunho and mingi thank sanâs parents for letting them stay the summer and apologise in advance for the inconvenience. but from the way theyâre immediately told that their extended stay is more than welcome and that hopefully the drive down from seoul wasnât too tiring, you know sanâs parents have already adopted the two well-mannered boys as their own sons.
âhey, pipsqueak,â san sidles up to your side whilst his parents fuss over his friends.
you look at him, appalled by the sudden nickname, and even more so as you swat his hand away when he playfully ruffles your hair to tease, âlooks like youâve been busy doing everything but growing.â
âon second thoughts, maybe i donât really miss you.â
san laughs, the tinkle of the sound like the crisp smell of the ocean during sunrise. he pulls you into him and thatâs all it takes for you to melt in his embrace. despite your earlier quip, youâve missed san terribly. it finally feels like namhae now that his familiar arms are around you again.
the rumble of sanâs chest is soothing as he says, âwell, i miss you. itâs good to be back home.â
you pull back a little to look up at him and god, heâs gotten so much taller. âitâs good to have you back home, choi san.â
the sound of approaching footsteps breaks your hug apart and you give the two boys a friendly smile as san roughly introduces your names, âbut you all already know that, considering you guys basically see each other every week.â
âon top of the fact that san doesnât shut up about you,â mingi jokes.
san punches him in the arm and mingi amends himself with a laugh, ânamhae! he doesnât shut up about namhae!â
yunho snorts, then offers you a small hug as he properly introduces himself. he leaves enough space between your bodies for the holy spirit to boogie when his arms encircle you, and you honestly find his courtesy extremely endearing.
âare you two also dance majors?â you ask.
âyeah, so we share some classes together,â yunho explains. âmingi and san are in the department of dance performance though, whereas iâm in choreo, so they have all their classes together and i only share the core ones with them.â
âgood thing, too,â mingi joins the conversation and rests an arm around the otherâs shoulder. âiâve known him since high school and i was honestly starting to get a little sick of his face.â
he earns himself a jab to the side and he keels over with a dramatic groan. both san and yunho ignore him in favour of stepping back towards the jeep to unload their surfboards. you eye the boards with curiosity, recognising the white deck with the yellow and blue tail to be sanâs. the design is simple, but san had used his own money to purchase it as his first transition board after the beginner-level mini malibu his parents had gifted him, so itâs his baby.
âare these all yours?â you question as san rests the tail of his board on the ground.
he shakes his head with a flustered laugh, âthe guys brought theirs along too.â
mingi reaches for his board after yunho takes his and your jaw drops to the ground. âyou all surf? wait, so you can surf in seoul?!â
âno, you were right. you canât,â san chortles in embarrassment. âbut there are a couple of indoor surfing places that we can go to.â
mingi hikes his surfboard against his hip, âdoesnât beat the real thing, though.â
ânope, which is exactly why weâre crashing. sorry, by the wayâwe probably shouldâve asked you whether we could come,â yunho scratches the back of his neck.
you frown, âof course you can. itâs not like iâm the town head of namhae or anything.â
âbut they know we spend our summers together,â san lightly bumps you with the side of his hip.
âoh,â you can feel heat creeping across your cheeks, so you force it away by jumping on the opportunity to tease, âyou know what? mingi was right. you donât shut up about me, do you.â
mingi hollers at the ammunition you have just given him for future use and even yunho slaps his hand over his mouth to hide his smile. itâs amusing to see san flustering so easily now that thereâs a new dynamic of friendship between you and the other two boys, and san resorts to giving both of his friendsâ asses a good-natured kick in the direction of the beach.
as they lumber off with their boards sniggering, san effortlessly hoists his own board up and sideways and beckons, âletâs go.â
âyou know i canât surf, san.â
he flicks your nose fondly with his free hand, ânot to surf, silly. letâs go get our buckets.â
your eyes widen and you stand on your tiptoes with excitement, âbuckets?â
âof course,â san waggles his eyebrows up and down with his dual dimples. âweâve got some serious sandcastle-building to show off.â
half an hour later, all three surfboards are tossed to one side in the wet sand as you share the buckets for an intense showdown between the ânamhae ninjasâ and the âhighschool homiesâ. san had shot down your suggestion to alliterate your team name with the word âneighboursâ, claiming it was an insult to the bestfriendshipness between you two, but hadnât been able to come up with a much better alternative himself.
san holds his breath as you upturn another moulded bucket of sand onto the third tier of your sandcastle pyramid. with little surprise, the foundation starts to crumble and triggers a chain reaction that topples it all over. as always, some things just donât change, even over time.
mingi laughs at your sandy ruins with an awful lot of audacity for someone who had watched yunho build most of their sandcastle, only to then add a little stick at the very top as a finishing touch. he grabs his phone from where he had left it on the safety of his discarded towel and holds up the front camera to take a photo of you all.
where there used to be two sandcastles between two friends, there are now two sandcastles between four. mingi snaps the photo, eternalising the moment. some things do change over time, and sometimes, change is just the beginning of a new chapter.
âwhich one do you think looks better?â
your mother takes a step back to scrutinise yunhoâs pick. âthis one,â she points, âthe other colour palette clashes too much.â
san nods solemnly in agreement and mingi squints at his own choice from beside. with the seriousness of their expressions, one would think that theyâre discussing investment properties. in reality, youâre watching your trio of friends and your mother earnestly matching and colour-coordinating the floral prints of your fatherâs flowy farming pants to their button-up shirts.
noticing the dubious frown on mingiâs face, your mother nonchalantly skims her fingertips over the pants heâs holding. âthis is one of my favourites because it has little leaves on it,â she remarks, before dropping her voice to a whisper so that only mingi can hear her next words. âit matches your shirt. i think youâll look the best in it.â
he immediately perks up and you canât help but compare him to a sunflower that thrives the most under a loving hand. itâs incredibly cute and you can also tell that your mother feels the same, if not obvious from the way she has been giving him extra hugs and compliments all summer.
you rejoin the boys after you have all changed into your pants. it takes a lot of self control not to laugh when you see how seriously they are taking their get-up; rubber boots hiked up to their knees over their floral pants, and their straw hats secured snugly with the chin straps. even as disinterested as your father originally was when the trio had first arrived at the beginning of summer, he now lingers behind the sliding glass doors to watch you and san attempt to teach the tall boys how to plant rice seedlings in the paddy field.
yunho grabs a small, prepared bed of seedlings and turns to look at you cheekily. âwant to be a rice friend and show me how to plant these?â
you level him with a stare that makes him chuckle and apologise, âsorry, i wonât say that a-grain.â
he looks awfully pleased with himself, so you turn on your heels in pretence to ditch him for mingi instead. you let out an involuntary yelp when yunho prevents your escape by quite literally manhandling you back next to him. he dares to up his charm by using his wide, sparkling eyes on you as he thrusts the seedlings into your hands, like a child waiting for you to open a bag of snacksâ how could anybody say no?
you talk him through your demonstration, separating a small cluster of seedlings from the seedbed before transplanting it into the field. once he seems confident, you let him take over. itâs mesmerising to watch yunhoâs hands as he deftly carries out each stepâ the way his long and slender fingers move with coordination and grace. despite it being his first time, he works skillfully like someone with years of experience. youâve come to realise that yunhoâs good at doing things that involve physicality, like dancing, surfing, and now farming.
âhow did you start surfing?â you wonder.
yunho stills momentarily, before he separates another cluster of seedlings and runs his fingers through its green shoots. âi actually started surfing because mingi wanted to try,â his voice is fond. âitâs been four or five years now.â
âthatâs really sweet of you.â
he ducks his head bashfully, then asks, âwhat about you? how come you donât surf?â
âsan roped me into his first few lessons, but i never got the hang of it so i stopped,â you reveal. âi prefer watching, anyway.â
âmaybe you just didnât have a good teacher. i could teach you one day?â
you donât doubt that he would make a good teacher, but you would most definitely be a terrible student. the shirt and board shorts that leave very little to imagination when heâs soaked, and the water that drips from the ends of his hair down his jawline and neck are distracting enough as they are from a distance.
you chuckle, âyouâre going to need a lot longer than just a few days to turn me into a surfer. you guys leave this weekend, donât you?â
âthatâs true,â he hums. âbut thereâs always next summerâŚif youâd like that?â
at his words, you suddenly donât know where to look. the rosiness that starts to colour your cheeks makes a small part of you hope that there is an underlying hint of flirting in his question. before you can answer though, youâre interrupted by san peering over your shoulder to look at yunhoâs progress. âof course youâre good at this too.â
you crane your neck to look around san, where you find mingi squatting and planting seedlings in the rows that are within armâs reach.
âhowâs he going?â
san glances back, âheâs, uhâwell. heâs trying.â
âmy hardest!â mingi yells across the field.
with a laugh, you stand up and slowly make your way towards him, leaving san and yunho to lay down the rules to see who can plant the most seedlings in the next half an hour. because apparently, everything needs to be a competition between them.
the seedlings that mingi has planted donât look that bad, honestly. theyâre a little lopsided, the spacing and height of each seedling a little inconsistent, but for his first time it really isnât all too bad. you tell him such and squat down beside him. âhere, let me show you.â
you gently remove one of the seedlings from the watery mud whilst talking, âthey may just be plants, but theyâre like people, too. if you treat them with love and care, you can see the same reflected in them.â you neaten the sides of the hole as you add, âyou know, itâs kind of like how yunho loves and cares for you.â
having spent all summer with the pair, you notice all the times yunho subtly perks his head up to locate where the other boy is. all the times yunho brings him into conversation or back into the little huddle youâre all standing in. all the times yunho will wait for mingi to say what he wants or thinks before saying the same thing himself.
your fingers ease the seedling into the hole, then you fill it with soil and pat it down firmly to give the shoot the support it needs. âyunho told me he started surfing because you wanted to.â
at your words, mingi nods with a wistful smile; completely different from his characteristic cheerfulness. even the brightest of stars have moments where their twinkle dulls. âi was going through a rough time at home and i wanted something to distract myselfâŚgive myself a reason to get out of the house, even if just for a few hours,â he reveals. âsometimes, yunho and i skipped our morning classes and he would take me on long trips to the beach just so that we could surf.â
âiâm glad you had him to help you through that.â
âyeah, heâs helped me a lot,â mingi agrees. âhe still does. sannie too.â as he talks, mingi attempts to plant another seedling the way you have shown him, and this time, it stands tall and proud amongst the other shoots beside the one you have planted.
âhow are things at home now?â you ask.
he shrugs aloofly, an indirect answer that tells you everything you need to know. his gaze settles on the other half of your little summer quartet, who are now in heated debate over the winner of the planting competition. âboth of them knew that i didnât want to go back to my hometown over summer. thatâs why san asked if we wanted to come here with him. thanks for letting us stay this summer, y/n. itâs meant a lot to me.â
your heart breaks a little at his words and you nudge him playfully, âstop treating me like iâm the head of namhae. thereâll always be a place here for the both of you.â
he lets out a laugh, a glimpse of his usual self. âwe just know how much summers mean to you and san.â
âand meanings can always change for the better,â you counter with a smile.
mingi feels warm from the very inside. for a moment, only you and him exist in this bubble of comfort as you simply gaze at each other. and it doesnât go unnoticed. yunho stretches his back with a satisfied exhale at sanâs admittance of defeat before glancing at the two of you looking nice and cosy in the exact same corner of the paddy field you were working on half an hour ago.
âhave you two just been sitting there this whole time?â yunho narrows his eyes as his words draw sanâs attention.
âno?â you flimsily say, at the same time mingi confidently declares, âyes.â
the man beside you is back to his usual antics as he giddily fans the fire by gloating, âwhat are you going to do about it?â
yunho and san glance at each other and you start rising to your feet at the foreboding of danger. they nod.
thatâs all the warning you get before they lunge in your direction. as dorky and harmless as the two of them look in their styled outfit of farming pants and straw hats, they are anything but that as yunho and san take frighteningly large steps through the rice paddy with their long legs. and just as your luck would have it, yunho is the one who is closest to you out of the two predators. you hardly think that itâs a fair chase between the tallest and the shortest.
âyun, we can talk this out like adults,â you try to distract him.
whilst youâre struggling for your life to pull your boots out of the squelching mud as fast as you can, yunho easily moves towards you with a devilish grin. you see his outstretched hands, covered in mud, and you decide right there and then that youâre not above begging.
âdonât come any closer! please, iâm sorry! iâmââ your pleads are cut off when he grabs you by the waist and hauls you over his shoulder.
for a brief second, you almost slip right over him face-first into the mud from the momentum and your life flashes before your eyes. but then yunhoâs arms flex as he steadily grips your thighs and readjusts your weight, and you resign your fate to his shoulder and his prettyâ but grubbyâ hands.
you twist your head to the side when a husky screech alerts you to victim number two and you find mingi at the mercy of sanâs headlock. he rapidly taps the latterâs forearm, yelling mercy as you all burst out into laughter. very soon, the field turns into a playground of childish liveliness as all intentions of farming are tossed to the wind.
mingi was right in saying that summers mean a lot to you and san. but as you all chase and run away from one another around the muddy field, smearing loving handprints of dirt over each otherâs faces and clothes, sounds of happiness loud enough that your parents can hear it from back inside the house, summer takes on a new meaning in the shape of you four.
in hindsight, it makes a lot of sense now why sanâs parents had knocked on your door earlier this morning, entrusting you with the spare key to their house and waving goodbye as they drove away in their rented campervan. they had let you know that they would be going on a road trip along the coast this summer so that san and his friends could have the house to themselves.
you hadnât thought much of itâ just excitedly counted down the hours until the reunion of your little quartet. yunho had been texting you updates as he, san and mingi finally made the four-hour trip down to namhae now that they were on summer vacation. one of the last texts you had received had been a picture of mingi in the backseat, head lolling and mouth open in deep slumber, with the caption, âgonna need to wake sleeping beauty up soon XD weâll be there in about twentyâ.
this time, you had opted to wait for their arrival by sitting on the embankment outside your houses. your legs had dangled off the ledge as you looked out towards the beach, and at the telltale noise of their arrival, you had excitedly hopped up to your feet, only to be met with a sight that had your steps halting in fluster. and oh, this is why sanâs parents had decided to yield the house. because this time, not only have the number of surfboards doubled, but so have the number of cars and boys that are suddenly in front of you.
as san turns off the ignition to his jeep, youâre dazedly swept up into a sandwich of hugs between yunho and mingi as they greet you eagerly. itâs good to see them again in the flesh instead of their measly five-inch-tall selves over facetime, and youâd be a little overwhelmed by their height on either side of youâ having forgotten just how tall they really areâ if your attention isnât distracted by the opening doors of the banged-up ute behind sanâs jeep.
either seoul has water thatâs doped with something, or birds of a feather flock together, because each of the three boys that step out are equally as good-looking. youâd be lying if your heart didnât skip a beat at the sight of them. youâre a simple girl with hormones weak for eye candy, after all.
yunho slings an arm around you and walks you a little closer as the new faces turn to look at you with friendly smiles. âthis is y/n,â yunho introduces. âand these are our friends, jongho and yeosang.â
you notice that he skips over one of the boys, who starts to open his mouth in complaint, but then yunho continues on, âand this short one is hongjoong. we keep him as our mascot.â
hongjoong gives the taller his middle finger with practised ease and counters, âand we keep you as our tall circus freak.â
the way everyone snickers, yunho and hongjoong included, tells you that this is just about as average an interaction can be. after the boys properly greet themselves and pleasantries are exchanged with you, they decide to unload all their luggage so that they can rest for the afternoon. you walk over to the open boot of the black jeep, reaching for the last duffel and hoisting it into your hands.
before you can so much as take two steps, thereâs a hand carefully taking the bag from yours. when you tilt your head up, itâs sanâs kind eyes that are gazing back at you. âhere, let me do it,â he casually tells you and then he walks towards the open doors of his house.
left with the outline of his back, you have a clear view of his shoulders flexing under his white shirt and you wonder when he started to fill out his clothes with muscle. you become conscious of the way youâre subtly ogling at your best friend, so you shake your head and walk over to the back of the ute instead where there are still a few bags left in the open bed.
thereâs a small duffel that looks relatively light. as you drag it closer, you quickly realise itâs heavier than it looks. âwhat the hell is in this? weights?â you mutter to yourself.
thereâs a giggle beside you, âsorry, thatâs probably yeosangâs bag. he brings his supplements with him everywhere.â
itâs jongho this time, with his gummy smile and crescent eyes, who takes the bag handles out of your hands. he extends a brown paper bag out to you instead. âwe can trade. this is much lighter.â
he easily picks up the bag of supplements and then reaches for a second bag to sling over his shoulder. for the amount of adorableness he exudes from his smile and laugh, the strength that he seems to have is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. as he walks away, thereâs the crunch of approaching footsteps and you see that itâs the short boy, hongjoong. heâs only short relative to his friends, because when he comes to stand beside you heâs still easily taller than you.
âmaybe you could help me hold this, too.â heâs holding his closed fist out, making it impossible to discern whatâs in his hands.
âwhat is it?â you ask as you open your hand, palm upturned for him to drop whatever he is holding into yours.
except he simply uncurls his fingers and intertwines them with yours, shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. a laugh erupts from your throat, only growing in volume when yeosang appears and interrupts by stepping between the two of you, forcing his friend to let go of your hand.
as yeosang grabs the last suitcase and closes the tailgate, he deadpans to the other, âsanâs going to chop your hand off when he sees,â then he slings his free arm around hongjoong and ushers the both of you back into the house.
âitâs okay, i wouldnât let san do that to you,â you reassure.
hongjoong smirks triumphantly at yeosang, only for you to wipe the expression off his face when you finish, âbecause thatâd be animal abuse.â
âitâs been five minutes and youâve already picked your side,â he laments dramatically, before nodding. âi see how you play. i like you.â
âitâs a shame i donât,â you quip back immediately.
âfuck, did i just get rejected?â
yeosang shoves his friend through the doorway, âstop digging yourself a deeper hole.â
you all laugh as you shut the front door behind you to stop the cold of the air conditioner that san has turned on from escaping. youâre definitely starting to see the appeal hongjoongâs friends have in teasing him.
you take the bag of snacks still in your hand to the kitchen and you set it on the counter where san is drinking a glass of water. heâs watching the rest of the boys play âscissors, paper, rockâ over room allocations now that all their luggage has been piled up in the living room. he raises an arm and you easily slot yourself into his side and slide an arm around his waist. relaxing into the touch of his hand slowly rubbing up and down your arm, you also watch as the boys grow increasingly rowdy with each emerging winner.
youâve had the fleeting thought before, but now that youâre seeing all the boys together, you realise just how attractive they all well and truly are. even san, youâre slowly starting to notice, does not lack in the face or body department.
âdo you guys have a rule where you have to be attractive to be friends or something?â you ask, only half-jokingly. even though you had directed the question at san, itâs not him who answers you.
âaww, stop. you think weâre attractive?â of course hongjoong would be the one to overhear.
immediately, the feistiness in you appears. âyeah, and iâm wondering why they made an exception for you.â
he takes on the jest easily, âgod, youâre obsessed with me.â
âyouâre right, iâm a little crazy for dogs,â you shoot back, and you can feel the shake of sanâs chuckles from next to you.
âgood thing iâd bark for you, then.â
âwhat the fuck, guys?â mingi interrupts, âget a room.â
at that, san steps forward protectively and shoos his friends away, âhurry up and put your bags in the rooms so we can go surfing.â
yunho and yeosang take their bags towards the small guest room down the hall, whilst the remaining three head for sanâs room. you turn to san incredulously, âyouâre fitting four people in your room?â
he shakes his head, âof course not. iâm going to sleep in haneulâs room. sheâs on a trip with her friends for most of the summer.â
âshe can stay at mine when she comes back. until you guys have to go back to seoul,â you suggest.
âoh, thatâs right. your parents are in yeosu now, arenât they?â
you nod. you had told san a couple of weeks ago that your parents had moved back to your grandparentâs house for the meantime. theyâre not sure how long they will be staying in your hometown for, but considering the deteriorating health of your grandparents and the fact that you are independent enough to take care of yourself, itâll likely be for a while.
san doesnât tell you, but thatâs part of the reason why he has brought so many of his friends back this summer. he knows that youâre silently struggling to adjustâ even if his parents take care of you like their own daughterâ so he hopes that he and his friends can fill in some of the silence, even if just for the summer. he wishes it didnât just have to be summer.
âdo you need to change into something else before we go?â he asks you.
you look down at the t-shirt and shorts that youâre wearing. you donât mind getting them wet, but you canât say the same about your underclothes. âyeah, iâll quickly go and change first.â
he nods and watches as you head towards the door to toe on your sandals. when you pull the door open, he gently calls after you, âitâs good to see you again, pipsqueak. iâve missed you.â
you smile, âiâve missed you more.â
even after the door closes behind you, sanâs smile stays on his face. âiâve missed you the most.â
no matter how many times you experience the thrill of getting tossed into the ocean, you still cannot fathom the fact that the once short, skinny boy who used to pretend to pick you up is now tall and strong enough to actually do it.
âyou cheater!â you screech when you feel sanâs arms snake around your waist from behind, lifting you up off your feet. âyou said youâd give me a ten-second head start!â
his gleeful laugh rings in your ears as he ignores your flailing limbs and teases, âi did! your little legs are just too slow.â
you start to feel the coolness of waves splashing your ankles and toes the further san carries you out away from shore and your grip on his forearm tightens in anticipation. with a slight swing, he lets go of your waist and tosses you into the water. the next thing you know when you regain your balance and wipe the water from your face is the sound of sanâs yelp as he disappears underwater. jongho grins from above, having leapt onto the olderâs back, who in turn has crumpled under the unsuspecting weight.
san emerges with a hulk-like roar absolutely soaked to the bone, his black t-shirt clinging to his torso. the clear outlines of his chest and broad shoulders set off an unfamiliar skip in your heart yet again, and san lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his faceâ revealing his abs in all of their wonderâ does the complete opposite of calming you down.
you're fucked. there's no way you're attracted to san like that. in the form of petty revenge, said man brings his hands down to slap the surface of the water, splashing it right in your face and jonghoâs andâŚyeah, that flutter of butterflies is gone.
san is caught right in the middle of the crossfire as you and jongho splash him, drowning his figure in torrential rain. the sounds of his choked laughter draw the attention of everyone else too, who have no idea why san is the target but are more than willing to join in. but with the plethora of water being splashed and the chaos of hands coming from every possible direction, the three of you end up drowning under the attacks.
hongjoong quickly loses motivation when his arms grow tired from doggy-paddling the water and yunho and yeosangâs attempts also slow down. they snicker at the aftermathâ your trio absolutely drenchedâ and then rapidly skitter away before any of you decide to retaliate in vengeance.
at their cowardice, san bites the bait and goes hollering after them, leaving you with the youngest of your group of friends. jongho beckons towards the shore with his head and youâre momentarily distracted by his wet bangs falling over his forehead and eyebrows.
âup for more surfing?â he grins at you. and if thereâs one thing youâve learnt over the summer, itâs that you would kill for jongho if he asked you with his gummy smile.
jongho is a surprisingly good surfer. as the only one in the group who grew up in seoul with limited exposure to the beach, you can hardly tell that heâs a relative beginner in comparison to the rest of the boys unless you were a surfer yourself.
once they had become their close-knit group and they realised that most of them had a shared love for surfing, they had colloquially formed their own little surferâs club, knighting jongho as their honorary member. he learnt to surf in indoor centres, during the occasional beach road trips they would make and through the experienced guidance of his friends.
of all six surfboards they had brought to namhae, jonghoâs softboard is the one that is the most ideal for you to learn with. true to his words, yunho had attempted to teach you how to surf but on his own boardâ a shortboard great for experienced surfers to catch steep and aggressive waves, but terribly hard for a beginner to control. jongho had offered his board and so under his and yunhoâs careful hands, you had spent your summer practising on the beach before slowly transitioning into the water.
which is where you find yourself now, on your stomach as you slowly paddle out. jongho stands close by and waist-deep in the shallow waters of the spot that he has led you to where the waves are few and calm. just a couple of metres away, yeosang idly straddles his longboard as he watches in support.
âyou remember how to push through the waves?â jongho checks and you nod, gripping the rails of the surfboard and straightening your arms to lift your torso upwards.
âyeah, hang on,â he says, moving closer. jongho rests his hand gently on the small of your back to steady your body and you have to focus on what heâs telling you instead of the feeling of his warm hand. he taps the sides of the board a few inches in front of where your grip currently is.
âhold it here, otherwise your centre of gravity is too far back,â he explains as you shift your hands forward. âthe board might end up tipping backwards when you go through the wave.â
you retry the movement with the new positioning and jongho nods in satisfaction, removing his hand and stepping back again.
âthereâs a wave coming in we could try,â yeosang suggests.
the slight swell of a forming wave starts to appear in the horizon. it doesnât increase much in size the closer it gets, but as it reaches its peak height, the top breaks and turns into a whitewater wave. yeosang is out a little further and so he demonstrates how to push through first, lifting his torso above the break as his surfboard cuts through the wave.
âokay, ready? hold steady, steady,â jongho encourages, helping you time the movement, âand push up!â
you follow his call and straighten your arms to lift your upper body out of the waveâs trajectory, guiding the nose of your surfboard through at the same time that jongho dives under the wave. although your face still gets splashed with some water and your board trembles slightly in your grasp, you make it through the wave without tipping over.
âi did it!â you yell, shakily sliding yourself further up your board so that you can straddle it.
âyou did it!â the boys respond excitedly.
jongho jumps up and down beside your board, prompting yeosang to slide into the water to join your side. you laugh brightly at the sense of achievement and at the sight of the two boys bobbing around you in a merry-go-round of exuberance.
âjust a little more practice and youâll be taking on the monster swells in no time,â yeosang declares. you know heâs exaggerating, but it makes pride bloom in your chest regardless.
somebody calls out your names and you all turn to look. itâs san standing near the waters, gesturing behind him as he yells, âweâre going to walk to the mart to get some ice cream. do you guys want to come?â
âyes!â you shout back, âwait for me!â
ungraciously tumbling off your surfboard in a hurry so that you can pull it back to shore, the boys chuckle at your eagerness. jongho grabs his board from out of your grasp so that he can carry it instead and the boys all trail behind you as you bound past san towards the pile of your belongings on the sand. while you sift through the heap for your sandals, your other hand subconsciously peels your clinging shirt away from your body. you feel the presence of someone coming up behind you and assuming itâs san, you straighten your back with a phone in your hand.
âsan, you left your phââ you start, except itâs yeosang, who bends down to pick up his towel and drapes it around you. itâs warm from the hours itâs spent in the sun and you canât help the pleasant shiver that runs through your body. yeosang tugs it snugly over your shoulders and then takes the phone from your hand.
âhere,â he tosses it to its owner, who falls into step behind you.
san nods his head in thanks and rummages under a towel where your sandals have been hiding before placing your shoes by your feet. âthe groundâs pretty hot,â he says as he offers you his forearm to steady yourself with, patiently waiting for you to do up the buckles around your ankle.
âwait, i forgot my wallet,â you tell him once jongho and yeosang rejoin you after putting their surfboards away.
âdonât worry about it,â san reassures, âhongjoongâs buying.â
your ears perk up and he laughs because he knows exactly what youâre thinking. âyes, y/n. bleed him dry and order whatever you want."
"even a doubleâno, even a triple scoop?" you exclaim scandalously.
san's eyes drip adoration, "yes, even a triple scoop."
you run ahead with a cheer, blabbering jonghoâs ear off about how if you get three different flavours and he also gets three different flavours, then you guys get to share six flavours, before yeosang joins in with excited chatter about how you guys can make it nine flavours if he does the same. you catch up with the rest of your friends and somehow, like a devilish cult, you all start to chant, âbleed hongjoong dry! bleed hongjoong dry!â
the oldest jokes that he only offered to pay for yours, not everybodyâs, so mingi starts to tell you what he wants so that you can order in his stead, setting off a chain reaction as everyone else places their orders through you. they surround you, happy jostles and raucous snickers as you disappear in the middle of the group.
from behind, as san watches you grow closer and closer with his friends each summer, he canât help but feel like heâs going to burst from affection and pride. he knows it will be a while until your parents move back to namhae, as is the same for himself until he graduates. but between his group of sixâ which will hopefully become the full eight next summerâ and the group chat that you all made within hours of meeting each other, san is confident that youâll never feel alone.
âif only wooyoung was here, then weâd have someone to grill the meat properly,â yeosang muses as he watches jongho flip and examine the packaging of the beef. âheâs the best cook out of us.â
âtrust him to be a good cook, too,â you comment.
when you had first met yeosang, jongho and hongjoong, they had told you that there were two other friends who werenât able to make it to namhae with the rest of them this summer. one of them was wooyoung, who naturally became part of the group after attending the same dance club as yunho, mingi and san. wooyoung had then been paired up with jongho during an inter-department project between the department of film & multimedia and the department of drama, growing close to the younger and by extension, to hongjoong, a senior in jonghoâs drama society.
their other friend was seonghwa, they had told you; the oldest in their group and also in the year above like hongjoong. however, seonghwa attends a completely different university along with yeosang, the both of them undertaking a degree in education at seoul national university. they share some senior classes together, as yeosang had transferred from a law degree and had some of the credit prerequisites to jump ahead. and since yeosang is a close family friend of wooyoungâs, the three of them gradually became well-acquainted with each other.
itâs a running joke that you donât need to remember how everybody knows each otherâ you just need to know that wooyoung is the common factor between them all, the person who decided that all of his friends should be friends with each other. so not only is wooyoung a social butterfly, seemingly charming and witty with good looksâ should the boysâ track record stay trueâ but apparently heâs a good cook too. some people really just have it all.
âwhat else do we need?â jongho asks, haphazardly placing a few packets of the meat into the shopping cart heâs pushing.
âmingi said it would be good to make smores at the end of the night,â you answer.
last summer, during the final week that mingi, yunho and san were in namhae, you had all decided to have a barbeque feast and then spend the rest of the night huddled around a small campfire on the shores of the beach. it had been one of your favourite memories, simply basking in the peaceful buzz of summer and slowing your lives down just for one night to do nothing. you had suggested turning it into a tradition, and now that the final week of this summer has arrived, youâre all at one of the few grocery stores in namhae to stock up on food, snacks and drinks for the night.
âletâs see if they have marshmallows, then,â jongho makes a move to walk away.
hongjoong suddenly interrupts the conversation, appearing with an empty trolley in front of him. âget in,â he tells you.
yeosang helpfully points out, âthat sounds like something a man with a tinted white van would say,â at the same time you question, âare we even allowed to do that?â
he beams, âi like to think that until somebody tells us weâre not allowed to do something, we are allowed to do it.â
âi can think of fifteen different reasons right now why thatâs terrible life advice.â
the man simply nudges your side with the end of his trolley and you half-heartedly frown, âiâm really hoping this seonghwa friend is more responsible than you are, seeing as heâs older.â
âi hate to break it to you, but seonghwaâs worse,â jongho grimaces. âmaturity ages backwards in this group, unfortunately.â
at jonghoâs words, you turn to look for yunho, hoping that as the next oldest down the line he can talk some sense into hongjoong. only youâre met with the sight of the overgrown man pushing his own shopping cart with a very cramped but happy mingi sitting inside.
you sense defeat when hongjoong nudges you once more. âi canât believe iâm doing this,â you mutter to yourself as he holds it steady for you to climb into. after all, you think, whatâs life without breaking a few rules?
except nothing prepares you for the absolute madness that unfolds the moment your bottom touches the cold, metal gridding of the trolley. hongjoong quite literally revs the handlebar with engine sound effects, before charging through the aisle at full speed in an apparent race against yunho and his passenger princess. you hold on to for dear life, thinking that this will be over once you reach the end of the aisle. but both racers show no signs of stopping, instead drifting with sharp cornering into the next aisle as you screech. half of you is terrified, but the other half of you is starting to seek the thrill.
âfaster, joong! faster!â you goad when you can see san standing at the end of the frozen section, waving an imaginary chequered flag.
both carts rattle past him in a close match, and as opposed as you were to the idea at first, you argue passionately against the honorary referee and the rival team over who won first place. even jongho and yeosang pick a side and claim that their eyesâ from three aisles overâ are as trustworthy as VAR playback.
itâs no surprise when the ruckus youâre all making gets a store manager sent your way. but by some saving grace, most likely the begrudging understanding that everyone has done this exact thing at one point or another growing up, the store does not kick you out. they let you finish shopping for the supplies you need, but not without the glares of the retail workers following you and your friends regardless of which aisle you try to duck and disappear behind.
with hushed giggles and not-so-subtle elbows in each otherâs sides, your group hurriedly pays and places the multitude of plastic bags back into the trolley. san and jongho take one of the trolleys each and you all walk back to the cars to load the shopping. you would think that a scolding would deter any further misbehaviour, but when you all see the relatively empty parking lot, thereâs only shared smiles of deviousness and glints of mischief.
if anyone were to look at the parking lot outside the grocery store that tuesday morning, they would see a group of seven friends, clad in an eyesore disarray of sweatpants, shorts, pajama tops and slippers, pushing each other around in shopping carts like bumper cars with shrieks of joy, circling around the dusty jeep and banged-up ute that has become an enabler of their connection and happiness.
you may all be doing the very things that your older selves will look back on with exasperated smiles and disapproving head shakes in ten years. but in the moment, you are unafraid; uncaring of what others think, because you have your friends by your side. and this, you think to yourself, is the essence of youth and summer.
you wish you were older. because being older means that youâll have graduated, and being graduated means that you wonât have to fucking study for your fucking exams. you let out a groan and drop your head onto the table, making an audible thump when your forehead misses the thick textbooks and scattered notes, and hits the solid surface instead.
âhey, you need those brain cells,â someone gently chides. haneul stands at the doorway to your bedroom, watching your misery with a fond smile.
âcanât lose what i donât have,â you mumble back.
âtake a break,â she suggests. âdo you want me to get you something from the bakery?â
haneul laughs when your head immediately turns to look at her, your left cheek pressed against the table by the cheeky smile that adorns your face. she chuckles again, âgot it. iâll be back.â
you absent-mindedly listen as the lock of your front door clicks shut and then let out a deep sigh at the silence that follows. itâs been a few hours since you first sat down and started studying but it feels like youâve been reading the same sentence over and over again with no progress. pressing your forehead into the table again, you groan in frustration.
your ringtone goes off and your hand blindly fumbles around for your phone, sliding what youâre relatively sure is the answer button. âyeah?â you say into the receiver.
âsomeoneâs a little grumpy today,â a teasing voice sounds.
âhwa?â you sit up instantly, looking at your phone properly.
it is him, not only blessing you with the deep richness of his voice but also the visual of him in a black tank top as he looks amusedly at the facetime you have answered. âare you still studying?â he asks.
you deflate a little, reminded of why youâve been creating a crater in your table with your head for the past ten minutes. âmhm,â you hum affirmatively. âexcept nothingâs going into my brain anymore.â
âsounds like you need a break.â
âthatâs exactly what haneul said,â you grumble, although youâre not entirely sure why youâre so opposed to their suggestions to stop studying.
âbecause weâre right,â he quirks his eyebrow. âwhatâs haneul doing at yours, anyway?â
âtaking advantage of my netflix while i slave away to pass my exams. but sheâs forgiven since sheâs buying me snacks.â
âthen take a break until she gets back and you finish eating. itâll only be an hour, tops,â seonghwa convinces. âiâll even set an alarm to let us know when time is up and iâll keep you company when you study.â
you sag a little into your chair, shoulders relieving of their tension as you concede, which makes him smile sympathetically, âjust a few more weeks to go until summer and then youâll be free.â
âare you taking up summer school again?â you ask.
after san had added you and all the boys into a combined group chat, you had made friends with the two that you didnât get to meet. you discovered seonghwa hadnât been able to make the trip to namhae last year because he had chosen to take summer school instead. he had wanted to complete some of his degree requirements earlier in hopes of working part-time during his final year to gain practical experience. wooyoung, on the other hand, had had a portfolio due for his film class that required the majority of his summer if he wanted to complete it in time.
seonghwa grimaces at the memory, âno, not this time. it was a mistake, honestly. i burnt out so fast the first semester back that i didnât even end up applying for any jobs.â he points a stern finger at you and warns, âdonât ever think about doing summer school.â
âtrust me,â you laugh, âi have no intentions of ever doing that.â
you appreciate his advice regardless, because as immature as the other boys had made him out to be, seonghwa really does look out for all of you as the oldest of the group. and more often than not, you find yourself gravitating towards him when you need comfort or reassurance. âdoes that mean iâll finally get to meet you?â
seonghwa nods, âwoo as well.â
the screen of your phone suddenly splits to make room for an additional video as somebody joins the call. you hear his voice before his video even buffers. speak of the devil.
âoi! why are you all calling without me?â wooyoung complains.
contrary to the roll of your eyes, a smile makes its way across your face as you respond, âweâre literally calling from the group chat. no oneâs leaving you out of anything.â
and as if his appearance is some sort of talisman, more of the boys start to join the call one by one. even hongjoongâs profile picture appears, camera off and on mute, wanting to feel included even if heâs in the middle of class. yunho and mingi pop up from behind wooyoung, so youâre guessing theyâre busy practising in the studio. you wonder where san is.
someone asks you a question about how your exams are going, but youâre momentarily distracted by the buzzing notification of a text. âhang on,â you mumble, âlet me justâŚreply to this.â
itâs one of your classmates, johnny, asking whether youâre home right now. you had accidentally slept through one of the review lectures earlier in the week and he had offered to give you a copy of his notes. from his text message, it appears heâs close by and able to drop them off now. you reply an affirmative and then click back into the video call, asking, âsorry, what were you saying?â
the drone of shared chatter about exams and the upcoming break fills the silence of your bedroom, like the fluttering breeze of a pleasant spring day. if they were not already so closely correlated to the warm, golden rays and salty spray of the summer ocean, your friends would be springâ the season of fresh air, blooming flowers and thriving vitality.
âsomeone looks happier. who are you talking to?â haneul emerges in your bedroom having come back from the bakery, holding a pastry box.
you didnât even realise you were subconsciously smiling. âiâm facetiming the boys.â
she smirks, eyes glinting with mischief as she waggles her eyebrows suggestively and drags out her words, âi see. so who is it that you like? or is it all of them?â
âquit it!â you pretend to shove her. âwant to say hi?â you turn the screen of your phone in her direction and thereâs a chorus of obedient hi haneulâs as you turn up the volume.
she waves and peers at wooyoungâs video. âwhereâs the baby brat?â
from somewhere within the call, san yells out indignantly, âstop calling me that!â thereâs a slight rustle as he walks closer to take the phone out of wooyoungâs grasp and when you peer to have a look, you can see that heâs sweaty and red-faced from finishing up a routine.
âyou still respond to it, so,â haneul shrugs.
she disregards her brotherâs continued complaints to drop the box onto your table along with a neatly-stapled stack of handwritten notes. âi bumped into johnny outside and he said this was for you,â she explains as you take it gratefully.
at the mention of a boyâs name, wooyoung shoves his nose towards his front camera. he rapidly asks, âwhoâs johnny? is he haneulâs boyfriend or what? whyâs he giving you something?â
even hongjoong flicks a message into the group chat to ask, âwho tf is jonnyâ.
you hold up the paper to show the boys and laugh, âheâs my classmate, guys. and he gave me notes because i missed the lecture.â
wooyoung frowns at your answer, clearly dissatisfied as he complains, âwhy is he giving you notes. andâwhat the fuck? did he hand write them? what a pretentious prick.â
you ignore him in favour of opening the pastry box to see what else haneul brought back for you. âhow did you know i love these?â you exclaim.
she gives you that same, mischievous look from earlier and as she starts to exit your bedroom to leave you to your call and sweet treat, she vaguely answers, âhow do you think?â
from over your phone, the others start to ask what youâve got in the box, allowing a certain boy to easily slip unnoticed into the background. but it doesnât take a detective to work out howâ or perhaps you should say, whoâ told haneul about your recent cravings.
because if thereâs one person who knows you the best, one person who takes notice of even the littlest of things, then it would be him.
hongjoong lightly slaps your thigh in retaliation as your laughter jostles his head thatâs resting on your stomach, which only serves to make you laugh even harder. he lifts his head to grumble, âstop encouraging him, y/n. heâs going to think heâs actually funny or something.â
with a shaky exhale, you wipe a stray tear away, because you donât think youâve ever laughed this hard in your entire life. now that you see their whole group dynamic in action with the complete eight of them, itâs like watching a live sitcom.
wooyoung looks at him with a smug expressionâŚthen proceeds to yank the olderâs sock right off his foot before throwing it into oblivion. hongjoong jolts up and dives for him and they immediately tussle about on the floor of sanâs living room. amidst all of the commotion, san sneakily goes for seonghwaâs socks and youâre glad that you had peeled yours off the moment you had walked through the front door because suddenly everyoneâs socks are a target.
the successful harvests that are tossed away are immediately snatched up by mingi, who hurls them under the table, behind the couch and on top of the television. you think you can see one dangling off the lights too, but youâre not about to snitch. jongho joins the corner you have taken refuge in and yeosang follows soon after, content to stay far away from the havoc that has quickly turned into wrestling. unfortunately, wooyoung is unable to let the three of you watch the world burn peacefully. he yells at the boys, who choose this to be the time to actually listen to him for once, and youâre all left scrabbling in different directions when they dive for you three.
itâs only the first day of summer and the second hour of officially meeting the boys as their full group of eight, but you can already tell that the next few months are going to be filled with absolute chaos and mayhem. and so the summer that marks sanâs third visit back to namhae passes by quickly as you and the eight boys fall into an easy routine. hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. summer revolves around each other and there is never a moment spent apart.
you join the boys at dawn every day, clad in only a pair of shorts, a tank top and a light cardigan to shoulder because thereâs still a slight nip of the early morning before the sun appears. you watch contentedly as they dance with the ocean on their surfboardsâ a duet of paddling out into the deeper waters and catching the breaks of the swells back towards shore.
the more you watch them surf, the more you start to realise just how much san has improved. you still recall the day san had fallen in love with the way the surfer used his own body and surfboard as an extension of the ocean, and you still have early memories of sanâs lanky limbs flailing as he lost his balance over and over again, trying to replicate the same gracefulness. now, san is not just a dancerâ he is the choreographer; the one who controls the ocean under his board.
as the early morning wears on, the serene crash of waves and intermittent squawk of the soaring seagulls are gradually interspersed with the boysâ rings of joy as they become more interested in pushing each other off their boards and splashing each other, rather than surfing itself. the strongest trio easily overpower everyone else and you shake your head fondly when the others donât learn their lesson regardless of how many times they are suplexed underwater.
when the sun starts to wake up, they join you on the sandy shores, surfboards placed in a rough row so that you can all share them like seats. you lean against whoever is sitting beside you and watch the sunrise until your stomachs start to growl for attention.
greasy takeaway is always the foolproof solution. you share hearty burgers that are too tall to bite into and salty fries that are slathered in dipping sauce, sprawled out on the cool floorboards at sanâs or yours, soaking in the refreshing coldness of the air conditioner on high without a care in the world for the electricity bill that is racking up.
afternoons are for the second round of the meal; bingsoo from the cafe, pastries from the nearby bakery or cheap ice cream from the mart. and after all the food, the best way to digest before you go out again at dusk to catch some of the waves is to take a nap.
the giant puppy pile of tangled limbs and human pillows is arguably your favourite part of the day. even if the ends of jonghoâs hair tickles your nose and your arm goes a little numb from the way san hugs it and your neck feels cramped from resting on seonghwaâs shoulder, you wouldnât have it any other way.
sometimes, when youâre all feeling rejuvenated, youâll clamber into their three cars or happily pack yourselves into two and drive down the coast to one of the other beaches. the drive there is music blasting and scratchy singing at the top of your lungs with the windows rolled down, your flyaway hairs caressing the cheeks of the boys beside you. itâs rest stops to fill up on drinks and dessertâ any excuse for more ice cream and a chance to make hongjoongâs wallet cry.
the trip back, on the other hand, is quiet, the designated drivers pressing softly on the pedals and turning with care so as not to jostle the sleeping passengers. youâre all exhausted and passed out against one another, faces pressed against a shoulder or the crown of someoneâs head. slow music plays lowly in the background as the streetlights start to turn on like a warm greeting to welcome your group home.
and just as yeosang had once said, wooyoung is a good cook. dinner time becomes a bonding activityâ as if every second of summer isnât already a bonding momentâ where you all experiment with different and increasingly complicated recipes. it usually ends up with him and seonghwa actually doing the cooking whilst everyone else eats the ingredients and tries not to accidentally stab someone with the knives, and dinner doesnât usually actually become dinner until eight or nine oâclock.
but it doesnât really matter when, half the time, the post-meal conversations turn into a slumber party after time slips away. if you retire early, youâll sometimes be joined by haneul in your bedroom, who has stayed in namhae this summer. sheâll spill her workplace tea and youâll gossip about your college peers late until the stars have long started to twinkle in the sky.
there are no scheduled bedtimes, no proper mealtimes, no time limits to complete things nor niggling guilt not to complete thingsâ there is no formal routine. but when spontaneity and carefreeness become the everyday occurrence, that becomes the routine.
and as with any sort of routine comes the familiarity. familiarity finds itself in the way san sing-songs wake up, sleepyhead whenever you accidentally sleep in, and instead of shying under the covers at the sight of him in your bedroom, you whine for five more minutes. familiarity finds itself in the way yunhoâs hands hover around the small of your back whenever youâre all walking to the mart for snacks and in the way wooyoung immediately reaches for the flavours he knows you like.
familiarity finds itself in the way you and hongjoong will bare puppy teeth at each other one moment then naturally use the other as a human pillow the next. itâs in the way jongho hides you when san tries to throw you into the water; the way mingi tucks your head into his shoulder when he spins you around in a hug; when seonghwa reminds you to reapply sunscreen whilst dotting the lotion along your cheeks and when yeosang quietly drapes you in his jackets after you get out of the water.
but the thing with familiarity, though, is that itâs easy for it to overshadow other things. rather than realising that there is a shift in dynamic or a change in heart, other growing feelings can be mistaken for familiarity instead. and you donât understand this until you least expect it.
your hands fumble to catch the bottle of sunscreen that yunho has thrown in your direction before it ends up landing on yeosangâs face. heâs taking a nap on the towel next to you, disputing against everyone elseâs remarks that he should take the opportunity to surf considering youâve all made the two-hour trip to dadaepo beach.
you adjust the small umbrella that he brought along so that it covers his upper body, then uncap the bottle and lather the sunscreen over your arms and legs. itâs when you get to your back that you realise you wonât be able to reach all of your skin. san or seonghwa are usually around to help if you decide to forgo a cropped shirt over your bikini top, but theyâre already running far along the shore and you canât be troubled to yell out for one of them.
youâre starting to wonder whether you can get away with not applying sunscreen on your back if you just make sure you lie on it the whole time when hongjoong spots your plight in the form of a blank stare and squeezed lotion in the palm of your hand.
âyour short arms canât reach your back, can they?â
you imitate his laughter with an exaggerated tone, âwho was it that needed my help yesterday putting sunscreen on his back?â
âmaybe i just didnât want you to feel too bad about yourself,â he shrugs and walks over to swipe the glob of sunscreen out of your hands. you roll your eyes, knowing fully well heâs incapable of taking care of you without pretending to cover it up with an insult.
âstop squirming,â he chides. the contrasting cold of the lotion and warmth of his hand sends a shiver down your spine and you try not to dwell on his gentle rubs for too long. heâs meticulous in making sure he doesnât miss a spot, but heâs also careful and deliberate with his touch around the knotted strings of your top so that you donât feel uncomfortable. hongjoong and the word âuncomfortableâ could never be in the same sentence though. but he doesnât need to know that.
âthere,â he pats your back twice like a mechanic would with the hood of a fucking car to signal that heâs finished his job and then callously walks away.
you decide to let him off the hook and settle down on your stomach to rest your eyes for a bit. yeosang knows what heâs doing, because the combined warmth of the sand beneath your towel and from the overhead rays makes you drowsy almost immediately.
youâre flicking your salt-crusted hair out of your face when a voice interrupts, âhi, iâm sorry to bother you.â
lifting your head up to look, youâre met with the sight of a girl around your age, timidly fiddling with the popsocket on her phone. you sit up and give her a polite smile, âthatâs okay. can i help you?â
âum, i was just hoping to ask if he has a girlfriend?â
the boys are all scattered along the length of the beach, save for yeosang next to you, so youâre not entirely sure who the girl is referring to until you follow her finger. sheâs pointing in the direction of hongjoong, whoâs joined some of the others along the shore.
âthe short one?â you clarify, smile fading a little as you shrug, âiâm not too sure, sorry.â
the girl shakes her head, âoh, no. i meant the boy on his left.â
choi san. you now fight to keep the smile on your face friendly when you reply, ânot that i know of.â
the girl thanks you excitedly, walking off back to her group of friends who immediately huddle around her to hear your answer. you look away.
you donât realise youâre staring at san until he turns in the distance and makes eye contact with you. his entire face lights up, eyes disappearing and shadowed dimples revealing themselves under the gleaming sun. wooyoung takes the opportunity whilst san is distracted to swing a handful of limp seaweed straight into sanâs face and a laugh escapes you before you can hold it in. your best friend looks more betrayed by your laughter than by wooyoungâs antics.
the younger turns to look at you with pride and when he sees that youâre laughing, he blows you an exaggerated kiss and sends it flying in your direction with a teasing flurry of his hand. yunho charges in from out of absolutely nowhere and pretends to tackle the kiss mid-air, throwing the imaginary show of affection into the sand where hongjoong immediately joins in and stomps on it with his foot, before sending you a flying kiss of his own instead.
chaos ensues and both hongjoong and yunho run for their lives as wooyoung chases them with his deadly seaweed whip. he quickly realises that the taller of the two will be impossible to catch, so he locks in on the easier target and hongjoong screeches in fear.
you canât help but shake your head adoringly as you continue to watch, eyes landing on san once more when the cat and mouse go tearing past him in a whirlwind of sand. san holds your gaze with a fond smile of his own and you have to remind yourself that itâs normal for the boys to have suitors.
youâre not dating san. youâre not dating hongjoong. youâre not dating any of the boys, and theyâre certainly not yours. so then, why does it feel like they are? but most of all, why does your heart feel equally bitter at the thought of someone asking about any of the boysâŚnot just your best friend?
the sight of the tube of aloe vera gel in the fridgeâ likely placed there by seonghwaâ is a welcome sight. you had diligently reapplied sunscreen to your body with the boysâ constant reminders to reapply but you had carelessly forgotten about your face. youâre paying the price of your mistake now and the red skin across the apples of your cheeks and forehead is tight with a constant, dull throb.
grabbing the tube, you walk into the bathroom where hongjoong is currently blow-drying his hair, having callen dibs on the shower after the beach trip.
âhey, lilâ tomato,â he jests before he gets a good look at your face. âwoah, that looks worse than it was an hour ago.â
you hum as you peer closer into the mirror, âthis is probably the worst sunburn iâve ever gotten before.â
hongjoong ruffles the back of his hair one last time under the dryer before unplugging it and setting it on the rack. he slips the tube of ointment out of your hands and then turns you by the shoulders to face him. thatâs how you find yourself between hongjoongâs front and the porcelain sink, the edge of the countertop digging slightly into your lower back as you watch him squeeze a generous amount of aloe vera onto the tip of his finger.
he murmurs, âhold still.â with a light touch, he tilts your chin up so that he can see the angry skin of your face. the stark contrast between the characteristic roughness of his edges and the tenderness with which he applies the soothing gel on your face right now has you itching to tease him.
âadmit it. you like taking care of me, donât you.â
he rolls his eyes, âand you like being taken care of, donât you. like when you needed your notes handwritten by johnny.â
ever since that one incident, the boys have never let you hear the end of it. they may not realise it themselves either, but really, theyâre just trying to keep low tabs on thisâŚclassmate. even if the way they go about it reflects the emotional maturity of somebody half their actual age.
âi admit itâs nice to be taken care of. what about you, huh?â you challenge, poking his side testingly. âyou like taking care of me, donât you?â
you giggle when he squirms and you try it again to elicit another response, until he suddenly grabs your hand by the wrist.
âand so what if i do?â his words come out easily, but unlike the usual cockiness and flirtatiousness that he jokes around with, his tone is low and serious.
you donât respond because you donât know what to respond; youâre suddenly walking in uncharted territoryâ both in regards to his feelings and your own.
when his fingertips brush the area of your cheeks just below your under-eyes, you canât help the instinctive flutter of your lashes. his eyes stare into yours and you swallow, noticing the way his gaze flickers down to follow the movement. thereâs hunger in his pupils and longing in your chest. you donât move away when he moves closer in.
your eyelids flutter closed once again, except this time in anticipation. his hands still cup your cheek and hold your wrist and when he brings his face down towards yours, you can feel the warmth of his body surrounding and intoxicating you. but as his nose starts to nudge the softness of your cheeks, hongjoong pulls away.
âsorry, iâthis was a mistake. i shouldnât be doing this,â he stutters. and just like that, the moment shatters.
âthâthatâs okay,â you awkwardly smile. âthis never happened.â
he nods without looking at you, âthis never happened.â
youâre glad your face is sunburnt because youâre certain your face would be glowing from the embarrassment and shame you are overwhelmed with. hongjoong turns around before you can say anything else and leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him and leaving you alone.
quickly, you lock the door and then stand there stunned into a stupor. because hisâŚwhatever the fuck that was, has given you startling clarity that he is right. you shouldnât be doing this. you shouldnât be kissing him when you want san and your six other friends equally as much.
and most of all, it was foolish of you to assume that he actually wanted something more than friendship. if hongjoong, the most flirtatious of them all, doesnât have any romantic interest in youâ or at the very least enough to want to pursue something moreâ then what makes you think you have a chance with any of the boys? what makes you think that any of themâ much less all of themâ would want you in the same way that you have now realised you want them?
in a way, your heart feels more at ease now. knowing that your feelings for the boys will be unfruitful one way or another, itâs much easier to ignore the now obvious lurch in your heart whenever they pull you into an easy hug or tell you that you look pretty. itâs easier to repress the longing you have for them when they help you put on sunscreen or surround your house with mischief and laughter.
you canât tell whether hongjoong is actively avoiding you or whether he is conveniently busy with the other boys, but you suppose time apart right now is good for the both of you. after all, time is supposed to heal everything. and so even as the end of summer approaches and the much anticipated night of the barbeque and campfire tradition arrives, you keep your distance from hongjoong and he keeps his. simply two friends coexisting within the larger group of friends; nothing more, nothing less.
youâre all sitting on a patchwork of picnic blankets and beach towels spread around the small fire that san has constructed, now experienced from having made one three years in a row. haneul shares the towel with you on one side and yunho on your other.
dinner had been greasy meat grilled by wooyoungâs skilled hands paired with cheap alcohol that made you all wince when it went down. it had been finished off with skewered marshmallowsâ the most vital part of the night, as mingi had fervently reminded everyone.
someone had then suggested a round of âtruth or dareâ, which most definitely did not stop at one round. the flushed cheeks and tipsy slurs not only made the dares increasingly bizarre, but it made everyone daring enough to actually do them. as the night had continued on, the outlandish dares slowly trickled off and more of you picked to answer truth questions. with the mellowing ambience of the campfire and the clearing buzz of alcohol in your systems, it was only a matter of time before the night fizzled into calm.
âmingi,â haneul directs her question at the taller, â if you were to date one of us excluding me, who would it be?â
his eyes dart from her to you and then to every single one of his friends. âiâd date you all,â he shrugs. âbut if i had to pick one person, then probably yunho, since heâs been there for me from day one.â
yunho knocks shoulders with him appreciatively whilst joking, âyour parents would love to hear that answer.â
you spot san and wooyoung cringing at the thought and youâre reminded of snippets of a conversation about surfing as a distraction and escape from home.
moving the game on, mingi asks seonghwa when he picks truth, âif you had to pick between love and friendship, which one would it be?â
seonghwa hums for a while, watching the dancing lick of flames. âi think it depends on the situation, because in the end, theyâre not that much different from each other. in love there is friendship, and in friendship there is love. itâs impossible to say that one is more important than the other.â
thereâs a collective boo as he skirts around the question, but you all understand where heâs coming from. it still doesnât stop san from retorting, âthe whole point is to pick one.â
seonghwa chuckles and downs half a shot to appease the other of his apparent half answer, then tosses the same question at him. âwhat about you, then?â
much to his disappointment, san actually has an answer.
âi would probably choose love. i think youâre right in saying you canât separate love and friendship, but the thing that sets a romantic relationship apart is being in love,â he muses. âitâs hard to find friends you love, but itâs even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, so i would probably hold onto that no matter what.â
a few of you subconsciously nod along, words resonating with yourselves. haneul nudges you curiously, âwhat do you think?â
you relax into her side as you slowly formulate a cohesive answer from your thoughts. âi think i would choose love, too. iâll admit itâs a much more difficult relationship than friendship and it often requires sacrifices to be madeâŚit can even mean having to let go of somebody completely.â
hongjoong glances at you, guilt pricking at his chest.
âbut at the same time,â you continue, âwhen you love somebody that much, sacrifice becomes something you want to give and are willing to offer to the other person, and you develop a depth of understanding, connection and intimacy strong enough to overcome anything that isnât always possible with friendship.â
âyou and san are both such gross romantics,â haneul pretends to gag.
âyeah, shoot us for it,â you poke her in the side. âwooyoung, truth or dare?â
âsince everyoneâs picking truthâŚtruth.â
âwhoâs someone youâre sorry towards or thankful for?â
he whines indignantly, âwhy are we suddenly getting so personal,â but proceeds to think about his answer seriously. âif iâm honest, iâm sorry towards everyone. i know there are times i fall short as a friend and make mistakes, but you all always forgive me and embrace my imperfections so graciously. sometimes it makes me wonder if i even deserve you guys.â
there are immediate noises of protest and wooyoung smiles, waving away their words of objection because he knows that heâs wrong. itâs just that knowing doesnât always stop him from feeling a certain way. âand of course, what iâm sorry for goes hand in hand with what iâm thankful for. but iâm also especially thankful for y/n,â he reveals.
your body reacts instantly to his unexpected answer, blood rushing towards your cheeks and ears as he looks at you appreciatively.
âi havenât known you for as long as most of the other boys, but iâve seen how happy and vibrant they are whenever they return to seoul or whenever they talk about you. and i can definitely see why, now. you make them happyâyou make us happy.â
mingi clears his throat, jumping in to add to the youngerâs answer, âwhen iâm here in namhae with you, with everybody, it feels like home.â
a home that heâs never really had until yunho, san, you, and the rest of the boys came along.
âso thank you for giving me a home here,â mingi looks at you earnestly.
if he were sitting closer, you would reach over and squeeze his hand reassuringly. instead, you tell him, âno matter how many years go by, youâll always have a home here.â
âand the rest of us?â yunho jokes, lightly slapping your knee where your legs have slowly made their way into his lap over the night.
âyou all have a home here,â you amend. because namhae is not the same without san, and namhae is not the same without the rest of your friends, either.
you continue asking each other questions, even after midnight has long ticked past and haneul has retired back to the beach house for some sleep. nobody wants the night to end, because despite already having been attached to each otherâs hips all summer, the time you are spending now around the campfire is different. life slows down and the nine of you are the only ones to exist along with the stars and the ocean waves.
âyou know what we should do?â wooyoung pipes up when you are all quietly watching the fire. he grins, âwe should do that thing where we shout at the ocean.â
âjustâŚstraight up scream?â hongjoong frowns.
a smile starts to spread across sanâs face as he understands wooyoungâs vision. âno, like our dreams. regrets. confessions,â san elaborates, making a move to stand and brushing the sand off his shorts.
seonghwa questions, âare we really doing this?â and yet he stands up as well.
âwhen will we ever get a chance to do this again?â
one by one, you all get up on your feet and wander down the beach closer towards the water. itâs silent, save for the crash of waves, while you eye each other and wait for somebody to start it off.
yunho clears his throat, then yells his next words from the very depths of his chest, âi want to become a famous choreographer!â
there are shared giggles at the striking contrast in volume after hours of low, heartfelt conversation, but itâs enough to fill the rest of you with courage and desire to do the same.
âi want my parents to accept that i wonât be a lawyer like they wanted me to be!â yeosang calls out.
mingi takes a huge breath with his entire body, âi hope iâll win the lottery one day!â
you all break out into laughter, happiness and vigour running high through your veins. it definitely feels a little silly and a little childish, but is that not the charm of living in the prime years of your youth and spending it with your friends?
reservations now completely thrown to the wind, the boys holler and yell both serious and unserious aspirations with their entire soul, cupping the sides of their mouths with their hands to carry their voices further out across the waters. you watch them with deep affection and tenderness and your eyes suddenly start to well up with the intensity of your emotions.
thank you for showing me what love feels like. you can continue to love them as friends, and that is already more than you could ever ask for.
taking a deep inhale of the chill of emerging dawn and blinking away the blur in your eyes, you join the boys and yell your heart out to the ocean. your screams blend together into a symphony of dreams and hopes; the swell of the chorus and the pinnacle of the movie.
and even though youâre all half-delirious from the lack of sleep, hair ruffled and mismatched pajamas wrinkled, it feels like anything and everything is possible in this moment. from here on, itâs the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring.
youâve known johnny since you started attending namhaeâs provincial college. being from a relatively small cohort and the same degree no less, you share most of your classes together. thereâll be a few times throughout the month that youâll find yourselves sitting in the seat beside each other and maybe once a semester that youâll complete a group task together.
heâs easy enough to get along with, conversation sprinkled with terrible jokes and random puns that remind you of yunhoâs silly humour. you know for a fact as well that theyâre the same height too, which sort of makes you wonder whether being tall has something to do with the way their funny bone develops, considering mingiâs humour is just as questionable.
you and johnny arenât exactly distant enough to only be classified as classmates, but youâre not exactly close either. so itâs a surprise when, after summer ends and it marks a new semester, johnny asks you out on a coffee date on the weekend. (except the more you think about it afterwards, the more your seemingly random interactions make sense. why he asks for your number even after the group project is over. why he offers to drop off handwritten notes for you. why he sometimes favours sitting with you as opposed to with his own friends.)
initially, you tell him that youâre not interested, any potential awkwardness dissipating the moment he dramatically wails that heâs been rejected, much like hongjoong had when you had first met him. but then a week later, johnny coolly slaps an envelope onto the surface of your lecture table and struts off without looking back. when you open it, you realise itâs a three-page handwritten essay detailing his pros and cons in an attempt to try and win you over.
it reminds you of wooyoung, when he had made a whole presentation on his laptop complete with photographic and videographic evidence to try and convince you that he was the best dancer out of himself, san, yunho and mingi. like your friend, johnnyâs efforts are honestly a little too hilarious and a little too endearing to reject for a second time, and itâs not like johnny has done anything to suggest that heâs a creep or murderer. so you let him take you out on the date.
he chooses to go to the small, quaint cafe thatâs about a fifteen-minute walk from campus. coincidentally, itâs the one that you and san used to frequent before he moved away to seoul. johnny tells you to try the chocolate hazelnut dacquoise slices, which you do even though you know you prefer the strawberry ones more. the sweet mouthful makes you think of san, always offering you the first bite of his chocolate dacquoise in hopes of converting you to the flavour.
johnny pays for your dessert and drink and you two end up sitting in the cafe long after your plates have been cleared and mugs emptied to their bottoms. it turns out he likes spending time at the beach just as much as you do and he tells you of his summer trip to the maldives for his casual modelling gig. youâre not entirely surprised to learn of his part-time endeavours, considering youâve never seen him dressed in anything less than loafers, chino shorts and a neatly-pressed button-up shirt. plus, johnny is objectively very attractive with his strong brows, chiselled jawline and dark locks of hair.
he offers to walk you home after your date, shrugging off his white button-up and passing it to you when you exit the cafe. itâs still warm enough in the afternoon to not need the extra layer, but youâre reminded of yeosangâs quiet yet perceptive gestures and it makes you smile nonetheless.
the weekend leads to a second date, followed by more time spent together. he finds reasons to see you throughout the weeksâ the sunâs out which means you two should take a walk along the beach; he fell asleep during yesterdayâs lecture which means you two should study at the cafe; he has a basketball match on the weekend which means you two should practise shooting hoops together.
and when youâre not physically spending time together, johnny likes to facetime you just so that he can âsee your pretty faceâ. the frequency with which he compliments you randomly throughout the call is almost on par with seonghwa, who always sweetly observes when you're wearing a new lip tint or different hairstyle.
johnnyâs laugh, be it in person or over video call, never fails to make you laugh with him. itâs boisterous when he doubles over with laughter and his eyes disappear when he chuckles. you canât help but see jonghoâs own adorable giggles in him.
after several months of courting advances, johnny asks to make it official. you say yes, because you have fallen for him.
and so, like the dwindling campfire that had marked the end of summer, you snuff out the remains of the fire in your heart that has been burning for san, hongjoong and the six other boys, leaving the last of the embers to their fate. left alone, they will slowly die out, completely extinguishing the flames and leaving only ashen remnants behindâŚor the sparks will continue to fight unnoticed; until they rekindle and turn into an uncontainable inferno.
âwith all due disrespect, his parents donât fucking deserve to be parents,â wooyoung spits out.
yunho tucks the blotchy aftermath of mingiâs heartbreak a little tighter into the crook of his own neck, other hand softly tousling the ends of the youngerâs hair. the boys have only just managed to settle mingi into one of the beds in their shared dorm rooms after he had shown up at the dance studio barely holding it together by his last thread.
âi donât think any of us had high hopes for them, considering the things heâs told us about them over the last few years,â seonghwa sighs as he pulls the blanket over mingiâs shoulders.
âbut for them to just fucking disown him like that? do they even realise how much it took for him to come clean about us?â
san gently pulls wooyoung away from the bed, lest he wake up the boy in question, and massages his clenched fist open. yeosang sidles up to the pair, âdo you think we could go down to namhae a few days earlier this summer?â
âthat actually might be possible,â san chews on his bottom lip and takes out his phone to text his parents. âitâll be a nice surprise for y/n, too.â
âsheâs in for a few surprises,â jongho comments before nudging the boy next to him. âhopefully you didnât scare her off after what you did.â
hongjoong scratches the nape of his neck at the jab, âyeah, i hope i didnât fuck things up for all of us.â
âyou still havenât talked it out with her?â san looks up from his phone.
hongjoong grimaces, âno, but how could i? she said to pretend that it didnât happen.â
âand you just took her word for it? god, thatâs literally the universal response anyone would automatically give in a situation thatâs utterly and mortifyingly embarrassing,â wooyoung throws his arms up into the air. âi wouldnât be surprised if she says no to us after all.â
âlook, iâll talk to her when we see her again. the semesterâs nearly over, anyway.â
san nods, âmy parents are fine with us going down a weekend earlier. and i agree with hongjoong on this oneâitâs probably something they should talk about in person, not over the phone. letâs just hope we havenât missed our timing with this.â
thereâs only a few more weeks left until summer, minus one week now that they have decided to make the trip down to namhae earlier for mingiâs sake. and regardless of what your answer will be to the question that theyâll ask youâ be it yes or noâ it still wonât change the fact that everything will be okay once they get to namhae. because everything is okay as long as you are by their side.
thereâs a man standing by your side, and itâs not one of them.
itâs strange to see you holding hands with someone that they donât know. of course, itâs inevitable that you would have your own friends in namhae and from college, and of course itâs inevitable that you would have friends of both genders. but the way you have your fingers interlocked with his looks anything but platonic.
the boys are familiar with the way their own hands feel with yours nestled in theirs; from when you squeeze yourself between two of them and happily swing your intertwined hands back and forth; when a large wave threatens to topple you over and you instinctively reach for them for support; when youâre curled up against them and absentmindedly fiddling with their fingers whilst watching a cheesy summer romcom. but right now, their own hands feel unfamiliarâ oddly empty and unable to make up its mind as to whether it wants to relax or tighten into a fist, even more so when you make eye contact with them standing outside sanâs house and freeze.
you havenât told the boys about johnny yet, only that you had news you wanted to tell them in person once they came for the summer. but now that they are here, standing right in front of you and your boyfriend, you suddenly feel a prick of guilt that you hadnât given them a heads up of some kind.
you slip your hand out of johnnyâs grasp under the guise of tidying your hair. if johnny notices, he doesnât comment on it. instead, he asks, âyou know them?â and settles his arm heavily over your shoulders. the action probably looks as territorial as it feels.
âyeah, theyâre my closest friends,â you answer louder than you need to, because you feel like you have to defend themâ or yourself. âsanâs from namhae, too, and the others are from different provinces. they go to college together in seoul.â
âoh,â your boyfriend makes a noise, âitâs them.â
hongjoong feels awfully smug at that comment, because it means that youâve talked about them before. he feels even more pleased when you slightly step out from under the manâs arm. but then your next words have his expression darkening again.
âi was going to officially introduce him to you guys on your first dayâŚi just wasnât expecting it to be today,â you gently place your hand on johnnyâs forearm. âthis is johnny, my boyfriend.â
immediately, the boys recognise his nameâ how could they forget, when the name has never once left their subconscious since the moment he was mentioned. a fleeting thought enters hongjoongâs mind. if he had not pulled away that nightâ if he had kissed you instead of being a cowardâ would it be him standing by your side as your boyfriend right now?
and hongjoong is not alone in his thoughts. wooyoungâs teeth grit together as he wonders how different things may have turned out if only the older or he himself had been bolder with their feelings. if only any of them had plucked up the courage to make the first move. because you dating any of them would automatically put their heart infinitely more at ease than the literal fucking stranger who is standing by your side.
youâre about to tell your boyfriend the names of the eight boys in front of you when he raises an eyebrow at you, âyou didnât tell me your friends were all guys.â his tone isnât accusatory, per se, but itâs definitely not cordial, either. this side of johnny is completely new to you.
seeing the flustered look on your face irks wooyoung in every way possible so he interrupts, âand why does it matter to you?â
johnny levels him with a look for several seconds before smiling placatingly. âyouâll understand when you get a girlfriend,â he dismisses.
immediately, thereâs a palpable spike in tension. âsorry?â wooyoung scoffs.
san sets a firm hand on the back of wooyoungâs neck and you lowly murmur your boyfriendâs nameâ respectively scruffing the two men. you didnât know what to expect introducing your friends and boyfriend to each other. but the start of what looks like it has the potential to turn into a fight was definitely not on the list.
in a lame attempt to change the topic, you comment, âyou guys are here early this year.â
thereâs a beat of silence thatâs a split second longer than you deem comfortable and yunho clears his throat, âyeahâŚthings ended up this way.â
the vague comment and pointed look in your boyfriendâs direction tells you that thereâs more to it than they are letting you onto right now. you make a mental note to talk to them once johnny leavesâŚif he ends up leaving. but the heavy weight that is still draped around your shoulder shows no intention of removing itself.
even though your instinct is to run up to the boys and receive all the hugs you have missed, and their instinct is to pull you away from the unfamiliar man and back into the intimacy of their group, the arm around you is a stark reminder to everyone that youâre not single anymoreâ that there are now boundaries to respect. instead, your friends are left to shuffle awkwardly on the spot with wavering gazes as if they have caught you doing something they werenât supposed to see.
âdo you have classes today?â san dares to ask.
ânot today. we were justâŚout,â you reply. on a date, it goes unsaid.
âwell, weâre headed for the beach,â san hates the fact that he even has to ask his next sentence, âdo you want to join us?â
looking at johnny, you hate the fact that your immediate answer isnât to say yes. he glances at you and then answers on your behalf, âweâll join. itâll be nice for us to get to know each other, since it seems like weâll be seeing each other often this summer.â
ânot if you donât show up,â wooyoung mutters under his breath, but heâs not really trying to be quiet about his disdain.
you fake a smile and push your boyfriend towards the entrance to your house. âweâll get changed and then meet you guys down at the beach.â you donât wait for an answer before shoving the front door open and shut again in quick succession behind you.
âwait here,â you tell johnny, âiâll get you a spare pair of shorts,â then you disappear into your bedroom and let out a deep exhale, closing your eyes to clear your head.
you had spent the last few years embracing the changes in your relationship with san. every summer marked a change in your friendship groupâ a new chapter each year as you rewrote the group dynamics with additional people to love and be loved by.
this summer, like the others, also marks a change and beginning of a new chapter, but now youâre realising that not all chapters in a story will always be happy. instead, some chapters will mark the beginning of the complication.
it feels like an unusual mix between deja vu and an out-of-body experience as san straps the leash of his surfboard around his ankle. his gaze follows your form and he watches silently when youâre picked by the waist and tossed into the ocean. it looks all too familiarâ except instead of him being the one who brings the laughter out of your squeals, itâs that annoyingly tall and irritatingly jacked dude that is your boyfriend.
san canât help the sigh that escapes his lips as he peels his eyes away. if johnny makes you happy, then objectively, san wants nothing more for you. but he cannot help but feel that you are undeserving of anything less than the entire world; something he and his boys are willing to give to you. but life is all about timing and it seems like theyâve missed theirs.
heâs distracted by the sight of you and johnny in his peripheral vision, even as he paddles out into the deeper waters with yunho. the taller is uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes repeatedly flickering back and forth between you and mingi. mingi needed this trip more than any of them combined, but thereâs an uneasy feeling in the pit of yunhoâs stomach thatâs telling him the appearance of your boyfriend is only just the beginning of a rocky summer.
regardless of their combined years of surfing experience, both yunho and san seem to continuously lose their balance on their boards today. and despite the saltiness of the sea water that flows into sanâs mouth each time he fallsâ no longer the graceful choreographer of the seaâ thereâs a bitter taste on his tongue that he cannot get rid of no matter how many bottles of water he drinks over the rest of the day.
it follows him even when the sweet fragrance of fresh pastries and syrupy drinks permeates the air the moment he walks into the bakery you so adore after your group walks from the beach. san pulls the glass door open for you, wind chime tinkling softly overhead, and he has to resist the urge to let go of the door handle when your boyfriend also walks through without so much as a word or glance of gratitude.
before san walks up to the counter, he instinctively turns around to check your order before he adds it to his own like he has always done. âstrawberry dacquoise and grapefruit ade?â
youâre about to nod when johnny steps into place beside you and asserts, âshe likes the chocolate ones.â
san keeps his voice as even as he can and refutes, âno, y/n prefers the strawberry ones. i would know, considering weâve been going to this cafe together since we were twelve.â he emphasises the last word, clearly telling the other that he is the one who has known you since you were young and therefore knows you the best out of anyone, boyfriend be damned.
not backing down, johnny turns to ask, âis that true, babe?â
you swallow uncomfortably, mouth suddenly dry. âi like both,â you evade.
but your lack of denial says more than enough and johnnyâs frown deepens almost immediately. at his expression, you rush to amend, âi know you like the chocolate ones more. it makes me happy sharing them with you.â
âyou shouldâve told me,â johnny fusses. but opposed to disappointment at not having known your preference for strawberry, he seems more displeased at having discovered this fact through your male friend.
san notices how apologetic you start to feel and he absolutely despises how unfamiliar it looks on your face. if this is the type of boyfriend that he is giving you up to, then san is not prepared to let go of you at all.
âor maybe you shouldâve noticed,â he shrugs nonchalantly in your boyfriendâs direction before smiling tenderly at you. âiâll order your food. go find a seat with seongââ
johnnyâs voice is heated when he interjects, âno, you wonât. iâll pay for my girlfriendâs food.â
youâve never heard him talk with this tone before, much less seen him act this way, but his words suddenly strike you with clarity and reasoning. with a relationship comes adherence to mutual boundaries and expectations, and although san is used to doting on you, the reality now is that johnny currently fulfills that role as your boyfriend.
âitâs alright, san. thank you,â you give your friend a soft smile. âjohnnyâs got it for me.â
san nods, defeated. your boyfriend gently nudges you in the direction of the tables, âgo sit down. iâll bring our order over when itâs ready.â
on edge, you walk to where some of the boys are already seated and slide in beside seonghwa, who has been watching the entire exchange silently. ây/n,â he starts.
you plaster on a smile, âitâs okay.â
seonghwa studies you carefully for a moment, then appears to make up his mind about something and returns your smile. except anybody can see that it doesnât reach his eyes. âdo you want to swap seats with me? that way you and johnny can sit on the same side.â
grateful for his thoughtfulness, you change seats and sit on his left just as wooyoung joins the table with an iced americano in his hand. he sets it down to drag a spare chair beside him, offhandedly commenting, âwhy are you even dating him? i donât get what you see in him.â
he hisses when seonghwa kicks his shin from under the table, shaking his head, and you just give the younger a tight-lipped smile in response. youâre distracted by the buzz of your phone in your pocket. a quick glance downwards tells you that itâs a text from san.
sorry for putting you between your bf and i
you look up in surprise and find that heâs already gazing at you from where heâs waiting at the counter. his eyebrows knit together in apology and you shake your head, mouthing that itâs okay. san has always been the bigger person in any situationâ with you, with friends and family, and even with people he doesnât necessarily see eye to eye with.
your phone buzzes again, twice in succession, but this time the notifications arenât from him. itâs johnny.
whatâs his problem, god wants to get into your pants or sth
your boyfriend continues to tap away at his phone, expression marred with poorly concealed irritation. but he doesnât seem to be referring to your texting exchange with sanâ you donât think heâs even noticed. instead, heâs still hooked on the ordering incident.
slipping the phone back into your pocket and pretending you have not noticed the messages yet, you simply wait for johnny to grab the tray with your pastries and drinks before he slides into the chair next to you. and for the first time since dating, you find yourself comparing your boyfriend not to san, but against him.
it feels like you have spent the last two months treading carefully on eggshells. there are days you spend with both johnny and the boys and it becomes clear to everyone pretty quickly that theyâre not warming up to each other. despite your best efforts to bring them closer, there is unmistakable tension that underlies every interaction that they have and donât have with one another.
then there are the days you spend with just your boyfriend. he doesnât mention your friends and neither do you, but you notice the way his gaze flickers to your phone whenever it lights up with a notification. like a mutual taboo, he simply continues the conversation after a pause and you donât point it out.
and then there are the rarer days that you spend with just the eight of your friends, like todayâ the ones that feel like the old summers that you have started to yearn. and yet, even with the familiar essence of the past, you start to notice them. the subtle differences.
itâs not obvious at first. the casual displays of affection that have extended beyond habitual touches and have just become who they are are still there. but thereâs something about the attentiveness with which seonghwa dusts the powdered sugar off of yeosangâs cheeks when heâs eating. or in the naturalness with which wooyoung moulds himself into sanâs side when they sit on the couch. something in the way mingiâs entire body relaxes whenever yunho gently thumbs the nape of his neck, and in the softening of hongjoongâs eyes when jongho speaks up in conversation.
maybe itâs because you find yourself no longer a part of their shared love, regardless of how platonic it may be between you and the boys. ultimately, itâs easier to notice things when youâre watching on as what feels like an outsider. and it makes sense that the dynamics of your friendship would change, considering how deeply embedded physical affection is within your group and the fact that you now have a boyfriend, but thereâs something more to their interactionsâ youâre sure of it. you just canât put your finger on what exactly.
itâs that thought that reminds you of yunhoâs words when he and the rest of your friends had turned up a week before the start of summer. âwhat did you mean about things having ended up this way when you guys came down to namhae early?â you suddenly ask, eyes looking away from the television screen where the round of their game has just ended. âand wasnât there something else you guys had wanted to tell me about?â
clearly not having expected your questions, yunho blinks as he formulates a response, âyeah, there is. justâmaybe talk to mingi first. youâll probably want to hear it directly from him.â
and hongjoong needs to talk to you first, too, yunho thinks to himself. except, he wonders whether there is even a point to it anymore.
your heart sinks at yunhoâs words because you have a feeling it has to do with mingiâs parents. and his parents are never good news. right at that moment, mingi emerges through the doorway after his shower, a towel draped over his shoulders as he uses its ends to roughly dry his hair. he stops in his tracks when he notices you and yunho staring at him.
âi know iâm hot but you donât have to make it that obvious,â he jokes.
you snort and shake your head, getting up to your feet and walking over to him as yunho watches knowingly. âcome sit outside with me for a bit?â you ask mingi.
he agrees, pulling the towel off and tossing it onto the back of a chair to dry. you catch a whiff of sanâs shampoo when he moves, the fragrance of cedarwood and bergamot that all the boys end up being scented with each summer filling your nose.
the two of you sit on the embankment just outside sanâs house, legs dangling off the edge of the port. you can just barely toe the start of the sand but mingi easily shuffles his feet in it, drawing lazy patterns in your company. after a few minutes of peaceful silence, he nudges you gently albeit playfully, âdid you want to ask me something?â
you chuckle at having been exposed and nudge him back in response. he never budges, torso bigger and more muscular than you can move, but it doesnât stop you from trying and him from laughing endearingly.
âi asked yunho why you guys came down earlier this summer and he said to ask you,â you peer at him, treading carefully with your next words, âis everything okay?â
he takes a breath, exhaling long and slow. âi came out to my parents,â he reveals. âtold them iâm bi andâŚthey didnât take it well.â
mingi doesnât need to elaborate for you to understand that his parents didnât just ânot take it wellâ. you can only imagine the hell that broke loose. âoh, mingi,â you sigh, eyebrows knitting together with hurt.
âi also told them that iâm datiââ
the sound of the door opening and the call of your name stops mingi from finishing his sentence. itâs yunho with a ringing phone in his hand. âyou might want to take this call,â he alerts you.
frowning, you make a stand to reach for your phone, asking, âwho is it?â
he glances down awkwardly at the screen that is still on. âyour boyfriend.â
youâre just about to slide the answer button when the call disconnects and you see that including the one that has just ended, you have four missed calls.
âoh, shit,â you canât help the curse that slips out of your mouth. four missed calls is never a good sign from anybody, much less your boyfriend, who has also sent you several texts asking where you are.
seeing the darkening of your expression, yunho misses the girl whose biggest worry was the number of ice cream scoops to scam hongjoong out of. he misses the girl whose smile was brighter than the reflected sun on sanâs surfboard. most of all, yunho misses the girl he has fallen in love with.
ây/n, iâm going to be honest with you,â he hesitates slightly. âi donât think heâs the right one for you.â
you know that yunhoâs looking out for you and his heart is in the right place, but itâs not what you want toâ or need to hear right now. and perhaps, thereâs an inkling of you that already knows. still, you try to keep your voice even when you reply, âiâd know if heâs not.â
you turn to mingi next and shoot him an apologetic look, âiâm sorry but i should probably call him back. weâll talk later, yeah?â
mingi doesnât know when later will be and neither do you. but he simply nods and lets you go, watching dejectedly as your form disappears back into your house at the same time san steps out of his. he had been carefully observing from the window the moment yunho had walked out with your incessantly ringing phone in his hand.
âguess he takes priority over us now,â mingi sighs.
san looks at him bittersweetly, âthatâs what happens when you find somebody you love. like johnny is her priority, you are my priority and yunhoâs. in fact, youâre the priority of five other people as well.â despite the fact that he is shorter, san still reaches up to flick mingiâs nose affectionately as he fondly states, âarenât you lucky.â
mingi scrunches his nose in retaliation and san diverts the topic, ânow come on, are you going to just stand back and let yunho win the game again?â
the younger grins, light returning to his eyes as he cheekily suggests, âyou distract him while i cheat?â
âiâm right here,â yunho protests, but heâs shaking his head dotingly. together, he and mingi make their way back into the house, hands finding each other as they pass through the threshold.
san lingers behind and stares at the closed door of your house. for the longest time, you have been one of sanâs priorities, if not the priority. over the last few years, the number of his priorities have steadily grown and you now share the top of the list in his heart with seven other boys. your happiness is sanâs priority, as is the happiness of the others.
but what happens when interests start to conflict and your boyfriendâ and by association, youâ becomes a reason for unhappiness amongst the people he cares so dearly for? what happens if there comes a day where he must choose between his priorities and push somebody down the list, or worseâŚcompletely out of his heart?
youâre just as troubled when, half an hour after his missed calls and your subsequent response asking to meet up, you and johnny aimlessly wander the streets of the neighbourhood. the air is tense and despite the cry of cicadas, the silence from the lack of conversation is the only sound that you can hear. you can tell that heâs displeased by the fact that you had been with your friends, but youâre not exactly happy with him right now either.
you know an argumentâs brewingâ one that has been long coming, perhaps since the start of summer. you could have chosen to take the night to cool down, but it will eventually boil over one day, be it him or yourself. better to address it now than wait until itâs too late, and perhaps you can salvage it before it does boil over.
âwhy did you call me so many times?â
johnny knows youâre not only asking about tonight, and definitely not only about his phone calls. and yet, your tone is not accusatory, only genuinely curious and open to understanding his reasoning and emotions. solely because he feels guilt starting to prick his insides at your question does he make an attempt to reign in his childish jealousy that has reared its head so many times in the last two months.
âi didnât know where you were,â he halfheartedly answers. âi thought something had happened.â
you both know itâs a lieâ a pretty bad one at that. you had texted him just mere hours ago telling him that you would be at sanâs. at his excuse, you raise an eyebrow.
âi donât like the way they look at you,â johnny finally admits, partially showing his true colours. âespecially san.â
you had guessed just as much and you can see why he might feel that way, but you want him to see where youâre coming from, too. âwe grew up together, johnny. weâre each otherâs best friend and he doesnât like me like that.â
warm breath ghosting over your lips and then disappearing just as fast flits across your memory. ânone of them do,â you emphasise. âand iâve been transparent about hanging out with them when youâre not there, havenât i? i literally texted you a few hours ago.â
he hesitates, âi was busy playing basketball with my friends. i missed your text and then you didnât reply or answer my callsâŚâ the way his voice drops off the more he talks is a good indicator that he knows the patheticness of his justification.
âand i was busy with my friends, too,â you reason. âyouâre not glued to your phone, and neither am i.â
you continue when he stays silent, âyouâre my boyfriend and i understand that it can make you feel uneasy when i hang out with so many guys, but you have to understand that theyâre my friends, and my closest ones too. i would appreciate it if you give me more space when iâm with them, but iâll also try to make sure iâm reachable on my phone so you have a piece of mind.â
you look at him and search his eyes for any indicators that he has more to say. from the way his jaw clenches subtly, you know that heâs disgruntled at best. but to your surprise he does not protest, instead nodding and walking you back to your house. you canât tell whether the silence this time is slightly better or just as suffocating.
when you reach your front door, the lights are still on in the neighbouring house and you can hear the muted ruckus of laughter. as you unlock your door and pull it open, your boyfriend surprises you once more by calling out, âi love you.â
you learn a lot about a person simply from the things that they say, and sometimesâ
âi know,â you reply gently, before shutting the door.
âyou learn even more about a person simply from the things that they donât say.
itâs two weeks after your conversation with johnny when he runs into some of the boys at one of the beachside cafes without your presence.
with autumn just around the corner, youâre spending the day transitioning the rice seedlings, now almost at the height of your thighs, from the wet paddies to the drier fields since your parents arenât in namhae to do it. only mingi, yunho and jongho are helping you out; you had discovered the hard way last summer that letting all eight of them help you was, in fact, counterproductive when there were more plants being trampled on than safely moved.
and so while the four of you are working in the rice paddy, the remaining boys sit on the cafe terrace that overlooks the beach about a ten-minute drive from your and sanâs houses. a hush suddenly falls over their conversation, elbows inconspicuously nudging one another and shoulders tensing when they spot your boyfriend making his way towards the cafe with a small group of his own friends.
a smirk graces johnnyâs lips when his gaze falls upon the five of your friends, ignoring the courteous nod of acknowledgement that seonghwa attempts to make on their behalf and instead walking closer onto the cafeâs terrace. itâs not clearly audible, but itâs definitely direct enough for the boys to make out the words when johnny walks past and mutters, âfuckinâ pussies.â
wooyoung immediately reacts. âwhat the fuck did you just say?â he growls threateningly as seonghwa squeezes his thigh in anticipation of him standing up.
johnny pauses to look at them with faux innocence, âi wasnât talking to you guys, but i guess if youâre offendedââ
itâs hongjoong who rises to his feet first, chair screeching as it slides out from under his knees along the wooden deck. âyou say one more fucking word,â he starts, eyes thunderous and fists turning white at his sides.
âand youâll what,â johnny sneers, ârun to my girlfriend crying? ask her to have a little talk with me?â
at the mention of you, both san and wooyoung join hongjoong on their feet. âwatch what you say,â san looks at him dangerously. âdonât bring y/n into this.â
the commotion is starting to attract the attention of the staff and other customers in the cafe. seonghwa slowly stands, preparing to step in before it can escalate into something physical as yeosang grips the seat of his chair.
johnny steps closer and scoffs, âthatâs bullshit. you guys canât even take care of your own feelings so you have to hide behind my girlfriend like a bunch of pathetic losers. it makes no fucking sense for her to ask me to leave her alone when sheâs with you guys.â
âand i bet itâs never fucking crossed your mind that maybe itâs an issue with something youâre doingânot us,â wooyoung reciprocates with his own bold step closer.
heâs suddenly jerked forward when johnny fists the front of his shirt and instantly everyone moves in towards the two. seonghwa wedges his arms against their chests to prevent wooyoung from getting dragged further forward, though the younger is fiercely standing his ground, teeth bared and eyes murderous. save for yeosang, who comes to stand protectively behind him, the remaining two boys are swept up into the beginnings of a scuffle as johnnyâs friends step in as well.
âlook at you, all riled up,â johnny goads, ignoring the hands that are trying to keep him subdued. âand she tells me that you donât all want to fuck her?â
seonghwa inhales sharply as he attempts to overpower both wooyoung and hongjoong, who is now extremely determined to connect his fist with your boyfriendâs face. but to many of their infuriation, the fist doesnât get a chance to hit its well-deserved target when thereâs a firm shout over the commotion.
the cafe manager harshly warns, âweâre going to have to ask you all to leave the premises, otherwise weâre going to call the police.â
âwooyoung! hongjoong!â seonghwa hisses. âitâs not worth the trouble. stop!â
there are a few tense seconds of heaving chests and grinding jaws before johnny lets wooyoung go with a shove and hongjoong begrudgingly and slowly lowers his raised fist.
âyou bitches got lucky this time,â johnny glowers. he beckons to his friends with a jerk of his head, still glaring at wooyoung, then kicks a chair out of his way as he leaves the cafe. in the wake of the confrontation, seonghwa turns to look at the manager and creases his eyebrows in apology, bowing multiple times to the other employees and customers too.
the manager nods wryly, âyou and your friends are still going to have to leave.â
âwe understand,â seonghwa replies, beginning to usher hongjoong and wooyoung towards the exit. âweâre truly sorry.â
as the five of them walk out, his eyes dart around anxiously in case your boyfriend and his friends are still lingering around. muscles taut and on edge, seonghwa makes a decision as the oldest. âletâs go home,â he declares, âwe can wait there.â
they pile into the jeep wordlessly and san turns on the ignition, pulling out of the small car park and heading back to his. theyâre only a few minutes away when wooyoung breaks the silence, âso whoâs gonna tell y/n that her boyfriendâs a fucking asshole and that she needs to break up with his sorry ass?â he fumes. âbecause if no oneâs going to do it, then iâm going to tell her the moment we get home.â
âwooyoung,â seonghwa starts.
âno, donât wooyoung me,â he snaps. âheâs a fucking pretentious dickhead and she needs to know that. i donât even care if we donât ever get to talk about that other thing with her anymore. all i care is that he never gets to show his face in front of her ever again.â
seonghwa rubs his temples in frustration. he argues, âlook, i agree with you and iâm not saying we shouldnât tell y/n. but we need to put our feelings aside and think about this rationally, otherwise we could end up hurting her.â
âi think sheâs going to get hurt regardless of how we approach it,â hongjoong snarks as the other levels him with a look.
âthe campfire night is only a few days away,â yeosang points out. âmaybe we should wait until thatâs overâŚyou know how excited she and mingi get about it each year.â
hongjoong protests, âand wait for her to bring johnny along on the day? sorry, but not even seonghwa is going to be able to stop me from sucker-punching him to the ground.â
âsurely sheâs not going to bring him. itâs a day just for us,â yeosang frowns.
san feels their questioning gazes settling on him and he glances in the rearview mirror to confirm his hunch. âi donât know, probably not?â he answers whilst shrugging, turning into the small street that leads to your house. âbut honestly? i think we should wait until after that day to talk to her. i donât see the point in ruining it for any more of us.â
seonghwa agrees and adds on, âand only one of us should have the conversation with her. san, youâre probably the best person out of us.â
san hums in agreement, slowly braking the car to a stop before he turns in his seat to look at the rest of them. âiâll find a time to talk to her and in the meantime,â he looks at wooyoung and hongjoong gently, knowing how frustrated they must be feeling, âwe wait.â
thereâs only a few more days until the campfireâ they only need to hold out for a little longer until then. what could possibly go wrong?
âare you sure itâs a good idea to leave hongjoong and y/n to get the snacks together?â
seonghwa tenderly thumbs yeosangâs lips from out of his teeth, where he has been biting the corner of his lips in worry, and answers, âheâs hopeless at buying all the other things and she knows what snacks we like the best.â seonghwa knows hongjoongâs way of being confrontational is stark and direct, but he also has faith in the other that he wonât prematurely bring up your boyfriend and risk hurting you with the conversation.
you make your way down the snack aisles of the grocery store with hongjoong and it feels both familiar and foreign. there are no shopping cart races or invisible finish flags this timeâ only the two of you and the baskets in his hands as he carries whatever you pluck off the shelves. itâs been a while since youâve had time alone with hongjoong; not since the incident last summer.
looking down at the shopping baskets, you put another packet of banana crisps in before commenting, âletâs get some sweet things and then that should be enough for the ten of us.â
hongjoong cocks his head, âhaneulâs coming?â
â...no,â you look at him carefully, âjohnny is.â
âjohnny? youâre joking.â
you frown at the sudden coldness in his tone, âheâs my boyfriend, hongjoong.â johnny had been strangely adamant about going today and you had also noticed he seemed to be irritated about something. so quite frankly, you werenât about to tell him no.
âand heâs also an asshole, you know that? why are you even dating him?â
you know your boyfriend and your friends still arenât on amicable terms, but youâre honestly getting tired of feeling like you have to justify yourself and your dating life. and considering you have just had a talk with johnny to try and make things better for everyone, you canât help but feel like you are being pushed into a corner yet again.
âasshole or not, at least heâs honest about his feelings for me,â you retort pointedly.
âoh?â hongjoong scoffs in disbelief, âis that what this is about?â
you challenge him with a glare, âwhat do you think iâm implying?â
âso iâm the bad guy now? i thought you liked me. since when did you stoop so low as to throw yourself at any guy who makes a move on you?â
your jaw drops. âyou know what? what the fuck is your problem?â you shove his chest in anger. âletâs not forget that you were the one who tried to kiss me first and you were the one who also stopped. yeah, i did like you, but at least iâm willing to admit it.â
you step in closer, breathing heavy as you continue heatedly, âwhat about you? what the fuck have you done that makes you think you have any right to say that my decisions are wrong.â
hongjoong grits his teeth, âyouâre making a mistake dating him.â
âyeah, you would know something about mistakes,â you throw back sarcastically. âbut then again, you were probably happy to pretend it never happened and forget about it.â
âdonât fucking put words into my mouth,â he warns.
âit seems to be the only way i can get you to talk about us. you have no issues giving me shit about my relationship with my boyfriend, but when it comes to our relationship itâs radio silence for a year.â
hongjoong at least has the decency to look guilty when he declares, âi was going to talk to you about it face to face.â
âwhatever, hongjoong. itâs too late,â you brush him off.
you snatch the baskets out his hands and walk away, no longer concerned over what snacks the boys will have for the campfire later tonight. you just want to get away from hongjoong, so you do exactly that. you leave him alone in the aisle to stare at the view of your back walking further away from him. life is all about timing and hongjoong has long missed his.
hours later, mingi scans the room from where heâs perched on a stool at the kitchen island in your house. everyone is either lounging around, preparing the meat and cutlery or setting up the grill and table outsideâ everyone except for one.
âwhereâs hongjoong?â he asks nobody in particular. he doesnât think heâs seen the other since theyâve all come back from the grocery store.
âheâs resting in my room,â san answers. âsaid he wasnât feeling too well but heâll join us later.â
you roll your eyes at the knives youâre counting out, opting to keep your mouth shut. what san doesnât say either, though, is that he knows something is offâ hongjoong was completely fine this morning and you were definitely in higher spirits.
thereâs an abrupt knock at your front door and you put the cutlery down, saying, âiâll get it.â you know itâs probably johnny so you donât bother squinting through the peephole before pulling the door open and blinking, âyou look nice today.â
your boyfriend has styled his hair so that it slicks back from his forehead, parted down the right side of his scalp. heâs dressed in his usual smart casual fit but has chosen to pair it with accessories to accentuate his collarbones and wrists. he shrugs, âwanted to look good.â
you lead him to the open kitchen and immediately, you notice the shift in the air. a few of the boys give a tight-lipped smile in acknowledgement, but the expressions on wooyoung and san, and even yeosang and seonghwa go blank or two shades darker. hongjoongâs uncharacteristic cold feet suddenly makes a lot of sense to san now.
âyou invited johnny?â sanâs question is eerily monotone. a blunt knife may not be able to cut through rope, but with continuous abrasion and chafing, even the thickest of ropes will eventually sever.
your voice is not entirely friendly when you reply, âyes, san. i invited my boyfriend.â
âand why the fuck did you do that?â
sanâs swearing has you reeling in surprise, but itâs quickly replaced by pent-up stress and anger that has been lingering for weeks and exacerbated by your argument with hongjoong mere hours ago. your entire body starts to heat up when san continues to criticise, âweâve put up with him for long enough, donât you think? itâs one thing for you to date him of all people, but itâs another thing to bring him to this.â
you laugh bitingly, no longer concerned about trying to deal with this maturely. all you can think about is how san is hurting you and how you want to hurt him back too. âso you can bring whoever the fuck you want each year, but i canât bring my own boyfriend?â you retort.
the silence is deafening. nobody moves as they try to process the words that have just been thrown at them. yunhoâs eyes are wide with confusion more than hurt at how quickly this argument has escalated, and he slowly raises his arms out in front of him, âokay, i think we all need toââ
âwhoever the fuckâare we just âwhoeverâ to you?â wooyoung harshly interrupts. âweâve been trying to look out for you and this is what we fucking get in return?â
you know that you wonât be able to take your words back after you say them, but they slip out anyway as you counter, âi didnât ask any of you to look out for me.â
yunhoâs arms fall limply to his sides and seonghwa looks away. wooyoungâs words are resigned and stony when he stares at you dead in the eye and says, âyou know, y/n. we needed this trip this summerâŚmore than anything. but thanks for ruining it for all of us.â then he brushes past your shoulder and slams the front door on his way out.
one by one, the boys follow him out of your houseâ first yeosang, then seonghwa, neither of them able to look you in the eye. when yunho and jongho hesitantly walk past you as well, they give you a small, apologetic wince.Â
mingi still stands in the room. he has been quiet throughout the entire argument but his eyes tell a story of a million words. heâs filled with hurt and sorrow if not obvious by the wetness that starts to well in his eyes. âi guess you were just saying it when you told me i have a home here with you in namhae,â he chokes out.
your own eyes grow hot as you shake your head, âmingi, thatâs notââ
but he leaves before you can say anything else. turning back towards the interior of your houseâ now looking far too spacious and vast without one of your friends occupying every available surfaceâ you are left alone with just san and johnny. the heat of the fight is quickly slipping away, instead rushing all towards your eyes, and you call out sanâs name. what for, you donât know, but your cry is timid and desperate.
as much as it pains san to make a decision, mingi needs himâ his boys need him, and they are his priority now. right there and then, san discovers for himself his final answer when it comes to choosing between love and friendship. he walks out of your house, turning his back on you.
you jolt awake feeling disorientated. your head feels clouded, eyes blurry from swelling and youâre still in the clothes from last night that you donât recall falling asleep in. reaching for your phone, you wonder whether it has already ticked past noon for you to have woken up on your own, except you find that its dead. you roll over with a groan and plug your phone into its charger, then haul yourself upwards.
you rinse the stale taste out of your mouth before walking out to the living room and immediately, youâre hit with the memories and intense emotions of last night. there are packets of raw meat still unopened and bottles of soju still littering the table that you hadnât tidied up. in the aftermath of the argument, you had told johnny to give you some space and to go home. you had then gone straight to your bedroom, covering yourself with the blankets in an attempt to hide yourself from the world and cried out your sorrows until you exhausted yourself to sleep.
you let out a long and heavy sigh, soul still exhausted to the very core, so you turn back towards your bedroom. youâll clean everything up when youâre feeling a little more confident to face the consequences of last night. sitting on the edge of your bed, you reach for your phone. there are a few texts from johnny that you scroll past when something else catches your eye.
itâs a text from jongho, timestamped for 1:17 am. you and the boys rarely have a reason to message each other individually, preferring to use the group chat since there are no secrets shared. although, you suppose, none of you will be using the group chat for a whileâŚ
you tap on jonghoâs notification. instantly, your heart drops all the way to the bottom of your stomach and past it. you think your heart is down in the fucking ground, becauseâ
hey, wasnât sure if youâd want to know or not but i think weâre going back to seoul in the morning
the numbers in the corner of your phone tell you that itâs already eleven thirty, and thatâs when you hear itâ the noise that had woken you up earlier. the distinct slam of a car boot closing shut. you jolt up to your feet, panic coursing through your veins as blood rushes to your ears and drowns out all rational thoughts. you forgo any shoes and throw your front door open to run outside, uncaring of the grit that digs painfully into the soles of your feet.
a brief flash of relief flickers across jonghoâs face at your appearance but you miss it in your frenzy to make sense of what you are seeing. all three of their cars are parked in a line, their surfboards already strapped and secured to the car hoods or in the bed of the ute. the last of their luggage and duffel bags are being loaded and san is locking his front door.
every summer, the boys wait until the last possible second to leave, to the point where you have to forcibly push them towards their cars with fond laughter. itâs only thursday today and summer doesnât end for another three days, and yetâ
âyou guys are leaving?â you ask apprehensively.
nobody answers you immediately. the only sound that punctuates the silence is the forceful slam of a door as wooyoung enters the car. hongjoong accidentally makes eye contact with you and his eyes narrow before he opens the door to his ute and also disappears.
jongho clears his throat awkwardly, âyeah, weâre heading back early.â
âohâŚâ youâre at a loss for words, unsure of how to react to this situation. âdrive safe.â
like a parallel of last night, the boys enter their respective cars one by one, jongho giving you a subtle wave. guilt stifles you for the things you have said to the boys and youâre also consumed by hurt from the things they have said to you. but you know for certain that you cannot just let this friendship fall through the cracks like this.
as san makes his way to his jeep, which is parked at the front of the line as the lead driver, you watch carefully for any sign that things are still salvageable for your friendship. a smile, a glance, a nodâ anything. but he simply pulls his jeep door open like you are invisible.
you hesitantly ask him, âiâll see you next summer?â
san is expressionless but he may as well be glaring at you when he replies, âdonât count on it,â and for the second time of your life, he turns his back on you.
as san buckles his seatbelt in, trying his goddamn hardest to pretend he doesnât see the tears now beginning to fall from your eyes, he tells himself that youâve made your decision and heâs made his. he has chosen his priorities and will give you up, and yet, still he hopes that one day youâll realise you deserve better and break up with johnny. san hopes that youâll come across somebody more than better, even if it cannot be him.
before yunho also gets into the jeep, he pauses in front of you. he fists the sides of his pants to stop himself from reaching out to wipe your tears away. instead, he consoles, âi think we all just need a little bit of time, yeah?â
you nod numbly at his words. youâre forced to take several steps back out of the way after yunho also shuts his door closed and the engines hum to life in succession. unable to do anything, you can only watch helplessly as sanâs jeep starts to pull away and the other two cars also follow.
âtheyâre finally leaving, huh.â
thereâs only one person who would have amusement laced into those words. refusing to turn around in your state, you exhale shakily, ânot now, johnny.â
âyou honestly need better friends. everyone has a stick up their ass in that group,â he comments.
âi said not now,â you warn again, blinking the rest of your tears away when you feel anger creeping up in its stead.
âi shouldâve just punched them when i had the chance to.â
you whip around to face him and yell, absolutely appalled, âjohnny!â
âwhat?â he scowls. âthey were the ones who started it.â
you grow deathly still. âstarted what?â you interrogate, and when he doesnât let up, you step in closer. âjohnny?â
âlook, i ran into some of them the other day. that little fuckerâwooyoung? he was basically asking to be punched. heâs lucky i let him off the hook,â he sneers.
youâve known wooyoung longer than you have known johnny and you honestly find your boyfriendâs recount hard to believe. yes, wooyoung is hot-headed and rash, but he never reacts unless he has been provoked. or in other cases, his loved ones have been provoked.
âdonât you fucking dare call my friends fuckers,â you growl. is this who your boyfriend truly is? is this the person who your friends have been able to see through all this time?
âare you fucking serious right now?â johnny spits in your face, âyouâre defending them? you always take their fucking side even though iâm your boyfriend.â
you spit right back, âand you know what? that was my biggest mistake. i should have never made you my boyfriend.â
johnnyâs expression drops entirely. âare you breaking up with me right now?â
âyes, i am.â you confirm. âweâre over.â
you turn on your heel and for once, you are glad that he has shown up at your house, because it means you are a mere ten feet away from shutting your now-ex out of your life. you fumble with the door, vision rapidly blurring, then walk through and close it behind you. slowly, you lean back against the door. with nothing grounding you anymore, the tears escape your eyes once more and you donât bother trying to hold back your cries.
all too fast, everything has come to a full circle of hurt. johnny turned his back on your friends, your friends turned their backs on you, and you have now turned your back on johnny. your chest shudders and heaves at the realisation, wondering where it all went wrong.
you want to seek out one of the boys for comfortâ seonghwa or sanâ but you only end up dropping to your hands and knees, head dizzy from how hard you begin to sob, when you realise that thatâs no longer an option. you all need time apart, both yourself and the boys. you know. but itâs much easier for them because they are going back to seoul together as their group of eight. they still have each other to lean on for comfort, whereas you are left behind to nurse your own wounds by yourself.
in the quiet of your house with the end of summer approaching in namhae, for the first time since meeting san, you are truly alone. it no longer feels like the nine of you against the world and whatever it may bring. instead, itâs you against the worldâŚand the eight of them.
haneul takes all but one look at you before sheâs making herself comfortable on your couch, tugging a cushion into her lap and patting the space beside her with a commanding air of authority. her expression tells you that thereâs no room for argument, so you sink into the couch next to her.
the bewilderment must be obvious on your face when she asks you to spill what happened with san, because she simply reveals, âsan messaged the family chat when he arrived back in seoul. and we all know he would give up surfing before voluntarily leaving namhae early.â
you slouch in on yourself, âwe fought.â
as surprising as it is to hear, since sheâs never seen you and san argue before, haneul had an inkling that that was the case after her little brotherâs vague reasons. she probes, âabout what?â
you tell her about everything. how you started dating johnny, how the boys came early for the summer and how you tried to get them on friendly terms. how your friends were constantly telling you to break up with him and how your boyfriend was always unhappy about you spending time with them. you tell her about the near-kiss with hongjoong last summer and the confrontation you had with him this summer. the argument you had with all the boys and the break up with johnny. everything.
haneulâs quiet for a while as she tries to piece together your story and her own thoughts. âdid they ever tell you why they were so against you dating him?â she finally questions.
you shake your head and she asks, âthen did you try talking to them about it?â
you slowly shake your head again, slightly ashamed by your own answer. you had been so focused on finding fault in the different ways the boys could have expressed their disapproval regarding your boyfriend that you didnât think of the multiple opportunities you had to work out why those opinions existed in the first place.
âwhat do you think of it all, then? obviously, you would have broken up with johnny for a reasonâor did the criticism from the boys just become too much?
fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you look down at your lap. âhe was a decent guyâŚup until summer and the boys came over. thatâs when he started acting differently and,â you pause, trying to find a nicer phrase before giving up and settling on, âbecame an asshole.â
she nods, waiting as you elaborate, âhe became more overbearing and possessive, especially when i was hanging out with them when he wasnât present. and he was just always so pissed. he was dead serious about getting into a physical fight with wooyoung. and we both know that none of the boys would ever start a fight for no reason, much less a fistfight, so johnny had to be the instigator.â
the way that you are solely picking out the faults of your ex does not go unnoticed by haneul. ây/n,â she stares at you seriously. âare you upset about your break up, or your argument with the boys?â
her question stuns you because itâs quite obviously both, but she stops your reflexive response with the instruction, âthink about it before you answer me.â
you close your mouth and look at your lap again to actually process your own thoughts and feelings. what are you thinking and feeling? johnnyâŚyou had sort of known already that he would not be a constant in your life for much longer. from the moment you had started comparing him against the other boys, it was already the beginning of the end.
but san and the others? they are and have been the sun to your solar system for years; your providers of vitality, warmth and summer who you cannot live without. thereâs a constant, gravitational pull that keeps you all together, except the balance has now been thrown off entirely. you realise what the answer was all along and you quietly admit, âthe argument.â
she places a hand over yours, comfortingly stroking your knuckles as she sympathises, âi think so too.â
promptly, you feel your eyes pricking with the sting of tears and in a moment of fragile vulnerability, you plead to haneul in a shaky voice, ���what am i going to do without them?â
âcome here,â she whispers.
she pulls you into her, your body immediately going slack in her embrace. you cling onto her like a lifeline, afraid that you are going to drown in your cries of anguish. you donât know how long you stay buried in her chest grieving for the friendships you have lost, but your neck and back are sore with stiffness by the time you calm down. still, she doesnât let go of youâ not until you make the first move to pull away.
haneul continues to stroke your hair, soft shushing noises as she rocks you back and forth with her. when your shuddering breaths have resided and steadied out, she breaks the silence softly, ây/n, i think thereâs more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like youâve lost your closest friends.â
your throat is scratchy when you mumble, âwhat do you mean?â
âi canât tell you because thatâs something that youâre going to have to work out for yourself. but after you figure out your own feelings, talk to them. communication is the first step to solving any problem, and i think youâve realised just how much miscommunication could have been avoided leading up to the argument.â
you know sheâs right, but your chest shrivels up on itself in fear. âwhat if they donât answer my messages or calls? what if they really donât come back next summer?â what if they hate me forever?
haneul rests her cheek on the crown of her head, âif they take a step back, then why donât you take two steps forward?â
her words slowly sink in and when they do, you inch out of her embrace. haneul cannot help the smile that adorns her own face in tandem with the one that starts to peek out along your lips. your face is still red and blotchy but there is now a ray of emerging hope as your voice trails off, âyou meanâŚâ
âyes, y/n,â haneul nods. you feel goosebumps spreading across your body when she affirms your thoughts.
âgo to seoul and talk to them.â
summer passes and autumn comes. the days grow shorter as the nights become longer and the weeks blur into a haze of monochrome darkness. the leaves and flowers fall off the trees, nature gradually stagnating and waning into nonexistence, much like the groupchat you share with the boys that has remained untouched since summer.
in a feverish state of resolution the very same day you had cried in haneulâs arms, you had booked an express bus trip that would take you directly from namhae to seoul. yet, despite telling yourself every weekend that youâll make the trip, the ticket remains unused. whenever you see your last message to sanâ a meek question asking if he had arrived back in seoul fineâ that continues to stay unread, your courage crumples and you reschedule the date for the following weekend.
the cycle repeats itself well into autumn. that is, until he breaks it.
youâve spent the last few days thinking about this very moment. there are only a few minutes left until midnight, which will mark the end of jonghoâs birthday. youâre unable to count the number of times you have opened his chat, typed out a message, then exited without actually sending it.
currently, the text cursor in jonghoâs chat blinks back at you like your own indecisiveness wavering back and forth between messaging him and not. the minute ticks over once moreâ itâs now or never. you let your thumbs skim across the surface of your phone before you can contemplate any further. itâs a simple message; only reading two lines.
happy birthday jongho how have you been?
really, you mean âhow have you all been?â because you cannot care about one of them without also caring about the others.
you lock the screen and toss your phone to the side, pretending you donât care whether he replies or not, as if your phone is capable of sensing anxiousness and will sabotage his incoming messagesâ that is, if any come at all. but jonghoâs last messages to you had been the ones alerting you that he and the boys would be leaving namhae prematurely. surely an indicator that this friendship isnât entirely lost.
the lecture slides on your laptop may as well be written in a foreign language as you restlessly eye your phone, wondering if he has seen your messages. you know it will be fruitless to continue studying, so you steel yourself for disappointment and reach for your phone. to your surprise, thereâs a reply waiting for you.
thanks y/n, iâve been good
itâs simple and only five words, but that in itself speaks volumes to your relationship. your heart skips a beat when the messages in his chat shift upwards once more as a new text comes in like an afterthought.
i miss you
really, jongho means âwe all miss youâ because you can be angry at someone, feel hurt by them, yet still love them all the same.
his confession stuns you frozen, your fingers hovering in place over your keyboard. it fills you with longing for more and hope for what may come, but also fear for what could happen. jongho has taken a small step to meet you halfway and you are absolutely terrified of messing things up once more. with your heart pounding in your chest, you carefully type out your next message, send it and then hold your breath.
can we call?
your fingers repetitively trace the rim of your phone case back and forth as you wait for a reply. thereâs a rising swell of panic that continues to grow when nothing comes and you even exit and reopen the app. what you donât know is that jongho almost trips onto his face in his hurry to untangle his legs from out of his blanket so that he can lock himself in the bathroom to call you without waking the others.
the phone nearly falls out of your grasp when the screen suddenly lights up not with a message but a call. you let it ring for a few seconds to gather your own composure before sliding the button to nervously answer, âhello?â
âhello?â comes jonghoâs reply.
your voices overlap as you both simultaneously talk, âcan you hear meââ âhiâyes, can you hear me?â
âyeah, i can hear you too, hi,â you breathe out, face breaking out into a smile.
the exchange has jongho letting out a giggle and the sound immediately releases all the tension that has built up in your body. your eyes start to mist over as you let out your own bashful laughter, because it is so much more than just missing the sound of jonghoâs happiness. youâre reminded of crashing waves and windswept fringes; heavy surfboards and helping handsâ the summer days when everything was happier and simpler. how did everything end up the way it has?
âthank you for replying to my message, jongho,â your voice is unsteady.
he must hear the way your throat threatens to close in on itself, because his voice is warm-hearted when he tells you, âno, thank you for reaching out first.â and as much as he finds it difficult to express himself, his next words spill out easily. âsorry i didnât do it firstâŚit must have been hard for you all this time.â
and just like that, so comes the first of many owed apologies. it doesnât matter that you have to be awake in five hours to make it to your first lecture, nor that you donât have a perfected script for all the things you want to apologise for. and it doesnât matter that jongho is starting to feel cold sitting on the bathroom floor, nor that he canât hold you like he wants to do. what does matter is that youâre both talking again.
as the night grows older, the conversation eventually flows away from raw confessions of your hearts to familiar topics of your mundane lives. it feels like the normal phone calls you used to have with the boys, except this time itâs only with jongho.
âwhat about you? have you been busy?â
you nod, even though he canât see you over the call, âiâm trying to keep up with classes but itâs hard with all the assignments due soon.â
âyeah, i have another huge film project and itâs taking up all of my time, too,â he exhales, then tentatively asks, âwhat aboutâŚhowâre things with johnny?â
itâs strangely exciting to clarify, âwe actually broke up a few months ago.â
you can hear jonghoâs sharp inhale even from over the phone. the conspiratorial tone of his voice painfully reminds you of wooyoungâs nosiness as jongho asks, âplease tell me you broke up with him and not the other way round.â
âyes, i broke up with him,â you chuckle. âhe talked shit about you guys the moment you all left, so i dumped him.â
âhe deserved it,â he gleefully states.
âonly i get to mess with my friendsâŚliterally.â
the joke is at the expense of yourself, but it feels uplifting to be able to start laughing about it now that you have started making amends, even if it is only with one person so far. knowing you have somebody on your side makes all the difference in the world.
âitâs actually sort of funny you say that,â jongho muses over the phone. âremember that truth or dare question? the one about choosing between love and friendship?â
you hum in affirmation, âsan and i picked love.â
âand look at you, picking us over johnny,â he teases.
huffily, you banter, âpicked you guys even though you all left me.â
thereâs the tinkle of laughter from over the receiver, but itâs cut short by a faint knock. you hear jongho murmuring to somebody before his voice becomes audible again, âhey, sorry, i need to go now. someone needs to use the bathroom.â
you resist the urge to ask why heâs even there in the first place, but you just tell him that itâs okay, considering how late the time is anyway.
âiâll talk to you tomorrow?â
âyeah, tomorrow,â you affirm. the wide smile on your face makes your cheeks ache as you grip the phone to your ear and wait for him to hang up. you hear the sound of rustling as he stands up and turns the doorknob, then thereâs a voice in the background asking, âis that y/n?â
but before you can try to discern who the voice belongs to, the call ends. you donât let the slight disappointment dampen your spirits though and you fall back to lie on top of your bed. jonghoâs last words to you have made you feel like a giddy teenagerâ tomorrow feels too far away.
but his words before his last words also make you feel like a teenager. only itâs not giddiness but the uncertainty and confusion that comes with adolescence as you try to navigate and understand your own feelings about something. in the face of the situation, had you truly chosen friendship over love contrary to your own expectations?
it makes sense at first to think thatâs what has happened, but youâre suddenly reminded of haneulâs wordsâ that there is more to your heartache and regret than just feeling like you have lost your closest friends, and that you need to figure out your own feelings before talking to the boys. if you have stood by your own values and chosen love over friendship, then that meansâŚthe heartbreak that you feel is grief not for lost friendship, but loss of your first lovesâ because you are in love with all of them.
that spark of feelings that had remained for the boys had never become fully extinguished. when you agreed to date johnny, perhaps it was only because he had reminded you of them and you had mistaken the flutters in your stomach for romantic attraction to him. and so, left unattended, that very spark has now flourished into a wildfire that can no longer be controlled, neither can it be containedâ itâs time for you to talk to them.
you pick up your phone again and send out a message, this time with no hesitation. it reads, âi need your helpâ.
and the reply is immediate.
anything you need
itâs the first day of winter when you arrive in seoul.
you get off the express bus at the terminal with both hands empty and only the bag on your back; you donât plan on staying for long so you didnât bring much with you. immediately, your breath fogs up in the frigid air and you nestle more snugly into the warmth of your coat. thereâs a reasonable crowd of people at the terminal, so you crane your neck in search of jonghoâs familiar tuft of brown hair, who had offered to pick you up knowing that this was your first time travelling up to seoul.
the last text he had sent told you that he had arrived and was waiting for you at terminal six. as you make your way closer, eyes squinting to discern whether you are seeing things correctly, you think youâre able to make out jonghoâs side profile leaning against a brick wall.
except, heâs not alone. your footsteps start to falter because seonghwa is also there. ironically, heâs the one who spots you from afar. he pushes himself away from the wall and turns his body towards you as jongho questions whether he has spotted you.
ever since the night he had overheard the younger on a phone call with you, seonghwa has been aching to make things right with you again. he had been afraid that you would want nothing to do with them anymore and that you would slip away from their fingers just like that. but here you are in seoul, just a mere distance away from him.
seonghwaâs eyes start to water and your expression crumples almost immediately with his when he opens his arms with an offer of an embrace. his feet rush to close the distance when you throw yourself into his chest, the cashmere of his coat rubbing softly against your cheek.
âiâm sorry, hwaâ you murmur.
âi know,â he whispers, stroking the back of your head, âme too.â
jongho silently watches with a small smile and allows you both to have your moment of reconciliation with each other. as you breathe in the comfortingly familiar scent of seonghwaâs cologne, you gesture for the other to come closer so that you can pull him into a group hug. and here, surrounded by both of them, despite there being several other things you want to sayâ poems of apologies and ballads of confessionsâ for now, this is more than enough.
seonghwa is the first to pull away suddenly as if he has been electrocuted. âhang on, are you and johnny stillâŚâ he trails off.
despite the snort of amusement that leaves you, youâre touched by his thoughtfulness to maintain respectful boundaries. âdonât worry, we broke up,â you reassure him, then you jokingly turn to jongho with an incredulous look. âyou told him i was coming up to seoul, but didnât tell him that johnnyâs my ex now?â
he rolls his eyes good-naturedly, âthat wasnât in my place to reveal. plus, seonghwa was the one who looked over my shoulder and saw your text asking for my help.â
said man pretends to walk away innocently. you and jongho laugh, trailing after him towards the carpark as you ask, âwhat was he doing in your dorm anyway?â
âhe crashed for the night. our dormâs close to his workplace.â
when you reach their parked car, seonghwa tugs the passenger door open, but instead of hopping in he gestures for you to go first. you indulge in his chivalry with a chuckle, even more so when he places a hand along the top of the door frame in case you bump into it.
âthanks, hwa,â you say sweetly, shuffling in further when he scoots in after you and leaves jongho alone to sit at the front of the car.
âgreat, not even ten minutes of making up with each other and iâve already become the third wheel,â jongho grumbles as he turns the ignition on.
despite the huffiness in his voice, jonghoâs heart sings with happiness to see you and seonghwa already getting along like normal. he is willing to be the third wheelâ even the ninth wheelâ if it means that you and his boys can shine together every day. but for that to happen, it all rests on how the next hour unfolds.
âready to go?â jongho asks, eyeing you from the rearview mirror.
are you? are you ready to talk to all of the boys at the same time? seonghwa gives your hand a gentle squeeze, and jongho nods at you reassuringly from the front; youâre not going into this alone anymore. you nod, âiâm ready.â
the drive takes less than thirty minutes and before you know it, youâre standing right outside the door to jonghoâs shared dorm with wooyoung and hongjoong. jongho swipes and unlocks the door with his access card, however makes no move to push the door open. the fact that neither of the boys say anything to rush you spurs you on with enough determination to enter the dorm. the volume of their chatter increases immediately without the barrier of the door, and you take slow, hesitant steps along the short hallway towards the direction of the sound.
you appreciate when jongho takes the lead to subtly show you where to go but it still feels like you are intrudingâ which, you technically are, considering two out of three people who live here donât know that youâre in the dorm right now. rounding the corner of the hallway, you discover that it leads straight to the living room where all of the boys currently are. so itâs fucking awkward when the sight of you emerging completely kills the conversation and a collective hush settles over the room.
you have to fight everything within you not to turn on your heel and just flee, because nothing has prepared you for their initial reaction. you hate the fact that you cannot tell whether the shocked expressions on yunho and yeosangâs faces are ones of delight or displeasure. you hate the way that wooyoung and hongjoongâs bodies tense and become guarded, ready to tell you to leave their dorm. but more than anything, you hate the way that san and mingi cannot even look at you.
âholy shit,â yunho whispers.
thatâs enough to set off the others and hongjoong angrily questions, âwhat the fuck is she doing here?â
wooyoung looks at jongho, âis this why you told everyone to come over?â
you defend, âi was the one who asked jongho for help.â
âi wasnât talking to youââ
you cut wooyoung off, contrary to your next words, âcan you just shut the fuck up for once? iâm not here to start another fight. justâhear me out, please. iâll leave as soon as i say what i need to.â
he glares at you and everybody holds their breath as they steel themselves for another full-blown argument. but wooyoung does as you ask and folds his arms angrily. nobody speaks, waiting for you to talk as you finally put your bag down and sit a safe distance away.
you close your eyes and take a breath to compose yourself. you refuse to let yourself cry this time. youâve done plenty of that in the last few months and you have finally come to terms with your own feelings. âiâŚiâm sorry,â you start.
somebody scoffs, but you ignore it and let the words from your heart take over. âiâm sorry for being such an asshole over the summerâfor letting my ex get in between us and for ignoring all the times you told me he wasnât a good guy. i shouldnât have assumed that you were all okay with me bringing him along whenever we hung out and i should have asked before inviting him to the campfire. that was something special for us and it was selfish of me to do that.
âin particular, iâm sorry for how that night went down. i know it doesnât excuse what i did, but i had an argument with hongjoong earlier that day and i was feeling strung tight. i wish i had handled the situation better when i felt confronted about bringing johnny along, and i acknowledge that the words i said canât be taken back, even if i didnât mean them.â
nobody needs reminding of the words that you are referring to, because it has sat just as heavily in their hearts as it has your own. the sight of mingi ducking his head down even further has your heart clenching painfully.
even if he isnât looking, you apologise to him directly, âmingi, iâm sorry we never got to finish our talk. i know that you were going through a hard time and that that trip was meant to be something healing for youâfor all of you. namhae was meant to be an escape, but it probably didnât feel that wayâŚbecause of me. i mean it when i say youâll always have a home in namhae and i hope that one day, youâll be able to trust me on that. in fact, i hope that you all know that namhae is not the same without either one of you boys.â
you hesitate, because not even jongho knows about what youâre going to say next. you avert your gaze to focus on the carpet just in front of you so that you donât have to see their expressions. âitâs taken this fightâalmost losing all of youâand breaking up with my ex to realise just how stupid and blind i am to my own feelings. i always thought i would be happy with just being friendsâŚbut you are all so, so much more to me than just friends and âwhoeverâ. i think iâm in love with all of you and i know itâs unconventional, butâŚi guess love has no limits.
âbut iâm also going to be honest. iâm still hurt by the things some of you said or did. it hurt that some of you criticised my decisions without thinking about how that might have made me feel. and i know it wasnât your intention to, but i felt like i was being backed into a corner multiple times when you kept repeating the same things over and over again about my ex without any real constructiveness to your words.
âi donât expect you to apologise right now, nor accept my apology, and i donât expect any of you to respond to my confession. i want you all to have enough time to work out your own feelingsâŚif you want to. if you find it in your heart to forgive me and if you want to apologise, pursue friendship again orâŚmaybe something more, then come to namhae and tell me in person.â
thereâs half a year left until summer, and as much as things can change in six months, you also hope that this gives you and the boys time to work out what you all truly want from one anotherâ be it friendship or love. nobody moves or says anything, trying to process everything you have said so you decide to leave them to it, having done your part. you make a move to stand and sling your bag onto your back.
âyouâre leaving already? where are you going?â yeosang abruptly asks, standing as well.
âback to namhae,â you explain. âi booked a return ticket for the same day.â
san frowns and for the first time since you arrived, he looks at you. âyou came all the way hereâŚjust to talk to us for half an hour?â
you give him a bittersweet smile, âthatâs how important this is to meâhow important you all are to me.â
he looks away, unable to hold your gaze. you turn to jongho to ask if he is still happy to drop you back off at the terminal, who nods and begins to pull on his puffer jacket.
âwait,â yeosang calls out. he skitters off down the corridor, socked feet pattering against the floor as he grabs something from his bedroom and hurries back in front of you. âhere.â
he has a thick scarf that he holds out for you to take, but as you start to reach for it, he changes his mind. you hold your breath as yeosang carefully reaches over your head to drape the scarf around you. with tender hands, he wraps it around your neck before securing it with a knot. he continues to fiddle with the ends of the scarf and youâre starting to wonder why he is hesitating when he looks at you shyly and mumbles something under his breath. before you can make a noise of confusion, he darts off once again back into his room. seonghwa cannot help but smile fondly, because even if he is unable to hear what the other said either, he knows what yeosang means purely by his actions.
youâre accompanied out of the door by jongho minutes later, carrying a plastic bag of snacks and drinks from their dorm that seonghwa has rushed to put together for you to have on your way back. when youâre in the car, you also find a pair of black gloves in the pocket of your coat. you have no idea who put it there, but the sentiment of one of the boys trying to ensure you are not cold is enough to fill your entire body with warmth.
you may have arrived in seoul with both hands empty and only the bag on your back, but you leave seoul with their quiet acts of apologies and forgiveness on your hands, neck, and in the plastic bag sitting on your lap as your bus pulls away back to namhae.
a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also stay the same. it all balances on the peak of the fulcrum, waiting to teeter either way as summer arrives.
youâve kept in touch with jongho and seonghwa, so you havenât been left in the dark anxiously wondering whether they will be returning to namhae or not. but even with their arrival, the uncertainty remains as to which way the scale hasâ or will tip.
so you donât walk out to greet them when you hear the resounding slam of shutting doors and the low hum of exchanged conversation, because you don't know whether the other boys want to see you or not. plus, thereâs something embarrassing about seeing them for the first time after apologising, much less confessing to them without any certainty as to their feelings, and much much less to eight people at once. youâre doing a pretty good job at hiding and pretending you are completely oblivious to their arrival in namhae.
that is, until mingi knocks on your door. mingi feels like heâs fourteen again, knocking on yunhoâs door and crossing his fingers hoping to god that itâs his friend who opens it and not his parents, because mingi feels embarrassed asking them every day if yunho can come out to play. this time, though, mingiâs nervous because itâs you and heâs nervous because six months is a long time where feelings can change. he hopes that yours are still the same.
youâre greeted by a shock of platinum white hair when you open your door and you realise itâs mingi with freshly bleached hair. it looks goodâ a little too goodâ and you have to force yourself to peel your eyes away. except your eyes travel down involuntarily to the contrasting black of his tank top, which is at least two sizes too large and dips down dangerously to reveal the shadows of his chest. youâre down bad, and itâs only been ten seconds since youâve laid eyes on him since seoul.
mingi is looking at you amusedly when you finally lock eyes with him and he seems to stand a little straighter with confidence. he beckons with a gentle tilt of his head, âcome surf with us?â
the casualness of his invite throws you off and you wonder if youâve somehow missed the memo that heâs forgiven you. âyouâre all okay with me coming?â you blink confusedly.
âthe others can speak for themselves,â he puts it plainly, but then smiles, âi want you to come, though. itâs not the same without you. plus,â his voice mellows out earnestly, âsomeoneâs gotta welcome me home, donât you think?â
home. home is where the heart is, and for mingi, regardless of the arguments and fights, his heart will always be with the boys and you. because in anger, hurt and love, there is always forgiveness, and mingi has forgiven you.
shyly, you return his smile, âiâll go get changed, then?â
âis that an invite inside?â mingi leans against the doorframe with faux coyness that manages to make the rounds of your cheeks heat up. you shove him back lightly with a laugh, trying to ignore the firmness of his chest under your touch.
he grins boyishly, utterly pleased with himself, but steps back so you can close the door. âtake your time,â he reassures. âiâll wait for you.â
and he does, just so that you donât have to walk alone to join the rest of the group. even after you have thrown on a swimsuit and slathered yourself with sunscreen as best as you can, mingi is still outside and yunho has also joined himâ you know because you can hear them talking as you search for your house keys in the hallway.
âwhat if itâs too late?â yunho asks.
âyou donât know that, not until you try,â mingi replies. âhere, a kiss for good luck.â
you have no idea what the context for this conversation is, but it suddenly strikes you that apart from mingi, youâve never discussed sexual orientation with the boys. you may have asked them to consider you romantically, but you canât say for sure if they even like girls. from what you know, none of them have dated before, and now youâre suddenly wondering whether any of the boys are dating within the group. mingi and yunho are certainly a possibility.
but regardless, you realise this is probably not something you should be discovering by overhearing a conversation, so you deliberately drop your keys to alert them of your presence and wait a couple more seconds before you open your front door.
for the second time of the day, youâre absolutely floored. yunho has dyed his hair an ash grey and it falls over his forehead and down the nape of his neck in messy locks. there must have been a fucking enticing buy-one-get-one-free deal, because heâs also wearing a black tank top much like mingiâs, except his is form-fitting and putting every damned muscle of his upper body on glorified display.
not that youâre complaining. but itâs also very distracting when youâre trying to focus on what mingi is saying as you all make your way down the beach towards the shore, their surfboards hiked against their hips.
âyou guys go ahead, i think jonghoâs calling for me,â mingi suddenly announces before darting off.
youâre left alone with yunho, and from the back of jonghoâs head who most definitely doesnât even know you three have joined the group, mingiâs plan to slip away has succeeded.
âum,â yunho hesitantly starts, âdo you want to try paddling out on my board? iâll stay close.â
the last time you had attempted anything on his shortboard, you had flipped over and swallowed several mouthfuls of salt water. although youâre not particularly keen on repeating the experience, some things donât need to be spelt outâ the reason for his offer. only one foot is needed to push a bicycle into motion, but two feet are needed to keep it in motion. so you nod and let him drag his surfboard towards the shallow waters for you.
as you trail beside him, seonghwa and jongho greet you enthusiastically on their own boards out in the horizon. yeosang waves too from further down the shore and you lose some of the tension in your shoulders when you know that the intention behind his scarf was not misinterpreted. only san and wooyoung do not directly acknowledge your presence, but unbeknownst to you, the younger is carefully observing your interactions with the others.
âhere,â yunho says, garnering your attention.
he holds the surfboard steady in the water, waiting for you to lie on top. his hands stay even after you gingerly shift and balance your weight onto your front. with his guidance, you slowly paddle out past the rush of whitewater waves. yunho is barely waist-deep in the water so he easily manoeuvres you and the board as you try to recall the familiar motion of paddling against incoming swells. but both of you know that youâre not really trying to paddle and heâs not really watching for mistakes.
eventually, you languidly let the waters caress your body as you still, letting the slight waves gently rock your surfboard. one of yunhoâs arms have shifted over your back to support the opposite side of the surfboard and your body tingles whenever his forearm brushes over you. his other hand rests near your own, your fingers grazing together whenever the board dances over a swell.
it is within the serenity and solitude of the ocean, and the warmth and proximity of each otherâs presence that the conversation happens. yunho apologises and you forgive. it occurs as simply as that, because actions speak louder than words and you have already shared a library of novels with your bodies.
from afar, wooyoungâs internal debate continues to teeter on its fulcrum as he watches the moment you share with yunho. wooyoung may be fast to talk, but he is also keen to observe. he sees the glow of relief and happiness returning to the faces of the boys. what he said to you summers ago still stands trueâ you make the boys happy and itâs obvious they make you happy too. and all wooyoung has ever wanted is to protect the smile of his loved ones, including you.
the radiance of the smile you give when yunho pretends to flip your surfboard over reminds wooyoung of his failure to do just that. in his blindness for the others, he had sacrificed your smile. the scale teeters over the fulcrum and he follows the momentum of his heart to wade out into the waters where you two still are, his apology ready to spill out.
and so you discover that a lot can change in six months, but a lot can also change in one day. with each relationship that stitches back together, rips now reinforced and sturdier than before, namhae almost feels the same againâ summer almost feels the same again. you may still have the two hardest conversations left to be resolved, but if more time is what they need, then you are willing to wait for san andâ
yunho and wooyoung scramble to steady your surfboard before you actually tip over when you suddenly move to kneel, head whipping around to confirm your fears. you hadnât initially noticed as the boys had been scattered, intermittently ducking back into the house, but your heart sinks as you count the number of heads again. youâre unable to fight off the dread in your voice when you dare to ask, âwhereâs hongjoong?â
yunhoâs eyes donât meet yours and wooyoungâs mouth thins out tightly before he cautiously answers you, âhe didnât come.â
san likes to think that heâs patient. ever since he was young, his father had made sure to raise him to wait. wait for elders to eat before picking up his own chopsticks; wait for others to walk through the door before he enters; wait for others to choose their preference before he picks his. and san likes to think that he has diligently applied this principle to his relationships too. wait to understand someone before criticising; wait for his own anger to subside before talking; wait to reflect on his own wrongs before expecting an apology.
but right now, san is impatient. he catches glimpses of the sweet messages you send jongho and seonghwa and the joyous cackles you share with wooyoung when you prank yeosang. he notices the way yunho and mingi are attached to your hips, and san wants all of that and more. he wants to tell you heâs forgiven you and that heâs sorry too; he wants to cup your cheeks and thumb away the phantom tears he caused; he wants to love you.
but his body is acting as if itâs an entirely separate entity from his heart. heâs unable to approach you, even as he watches everyone else do what he wants to and it frustrates him to no end. and itâs as if the gods themselves also became impatient with his pathetic attemptsâ or lack thereofâ because they drop the perfect opportunity right in front of him.
a quick look at his phone tells san that heâs been tossing on the couch for the last two hours. sleep fails to take over, so he hauls himself up and pads softly towards the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. he stares out of the window above the sink, where he can just see the stretch of beach towards the right. the moon shines brightly tonight and the rays decorate the sand and sea foam with dreamy tranquillity.
thereâs a quiet rustle above the stillness of the night. when san turns around, his heart immediately clenches at the sight. youâre sleepily rubbing the bleariness out of your eye as you shuffle your way into the kitchen. thereâs a stray tuft of hair that san wants to reach out and smooth down for you, but he opts to grip his glass of water tighter.
you startle, not having expected someone to be awake and most definitely not san. you had stayed over late into the night watching a movie marathon with the boys, and despite your protests, they had convinced you to crash in haneulâs room. tension doesnât exist between you and the boys anymore, only awkwardness with san andâŚavoidance with hongjoong.
âcouldnât sleep?â you murmur, voice unguarded and still thick with sleep.
san shakes his head, âyou?â
âgot thirsty,â you explain, grabbing a glass from under the counter.
he hums at your answer and then it grows silent again. itâs only after you drowsily blink at him that he realises why youâre not making a move to get waterâ heâs still standing in front of the sink. san starts to step out of the way but thinks better of it. reaching out to grab your glass, he fills it up with water and then returns it to you.
âthanks, sannie.â
it doesnât register in your head that the nickname has slipped out. for him, though, it echoes and ricochets in the very caverns of his ribcage. hesitantly, he mutters, âyouâre welcome, pipsqueak.â
it tugs a smile out of your lips. âhavenât heard that in a while,â you muse. âkind of miss it.â
and i miss you. san is impatient, and he finally decides that he cannot take it anymore. âiâm sorry, y/n,â he whispers. âi know how badly i hurt you.â
the haze in your eyes immediately fades away at his words and he takes it as a good sign to continue. âiâll be honest. i hated that the person next to you as your boyfriend wasnât one of usâwasnât me, because it didnât look like he was making you happy at all. and that day you were out working in the field? some of us actually ran into johnny.â
you acknowledge sadly, âseonghwa told me what happened. iâm sorry he was like that.â
âthatâs not on you to apologise,â san refutes. âi was the one who asked the boys to keep it from you until we could properly talk after the campfire night, but along with everything that had led up to that point, all my frustrations accumulated without even realising it.â
âi guess that makes the two of us, then. there were arguments you and i both werenât aware of, and we ended up being the last straw for each other,â you chuckle wryly.
his voice wavers, âiâm meant to be the one person who is always there for you, but i made it feel like you were pitted against the eight of us instead and iâm so sorry for doing that. it should never have been me against you, nor us boys against you. it should have been all nine of us against the problem.â
you canât help but take the opportunity to tease lightly, âare you calling my ex the problem?â
âexactly that,â he deadpans. âwe all did.â
you nod, âthank you for trying to let me know, even when i didnât listen.â
âno, iâm sorry we didnât explain ourselves more clearlyâor earlier.â
âbut you have now, and i understand,â you reassure.
he nods gratefully before hesitating, âthereâs something else behind all this that i canât tell you yet, not without the others here. but when things areâŚokay with hongjoong again, thatâs when weâll tell you.â
something about his promise tells you that it has to do with the other part of the conversation everyone has been skirting around so farâ your confession. faint memories of the interactions observed between the boys last summer and the brief exchange you overheard between yunho and mingi flicker across your mind.
perhaps you should steel yourself for rejection. you donât dwell on it, though. this may have been the first time your friendship with san had been so close to shattering, but you know that it will take more than the entire universe to completely break you apart; you still trust himâ because before it was the nine of you, it was you and san against the world.
âthen are we okay now?â you ask, needing the confirmation.
âyeah,â he smiles breathlessly, âmore than okay.â
the caverns of sanâs dimplesâ the ones you love so muchâ shyly peek out to greet you in the faint glow of the moonlight coming in from the window. he reaches out silently and you understand immediately. you intertwine your fingers together.
san wants to ask you to go to bed with him. not to do anything sexual, but to simply hold you against his chest; trace the curve of your nose; wake up to your sleepy smile in the morning. but he canât, not yet. not until youâve worked things out with hongjoong, and not until youâve had a talk togetherâ all nine of you.
he settles for tugging you in the direction of haneulâs bedroom, hand never letting go of yours as he softly ushers, âlet me tuck you back into bed.â
and so fifteen years after your first day of summer in namhae, you find that summer still takes the form of a sweet, dimpled boy who loves the sea and holding hands.
your instinctive reaction is to shut the door in hongjoongâs face.
when seonghwa had texted you asking you to open your front door, you had been expecting said man for obvious reasons. so when you pull the door open and see kim fucking hongjoong at your doorstep in fucking namhae instead, of course you slam the door shut. because why the fuck is he here?
âoh shit,â you curse, when it registers in your brain.
hongjoong is here and youâve just shut the door in his face. if you had even an ounce of collectedness in you, you would realise that the boysâ initial and very much candid reaction of shock to seeing you randomly show up at their dorm in seoul is suddenly very relatable. you yank the door open again.
âsure, why donât you just go ahead and punch me in the fucking face too,â hongjoong scowls.
immediately, you furrow your eyebrows, âwell, if youâre offeringâŚâ
âoh, fuck off,â he raises his middle finger at you.
you raise both middle fingers in retaliation, âyeah, back into my house that youâre standing in front of.â
âfor godâs sakeâkim hongjoong!â seonghwa hisses in exasperation, head poking out of sanâs door as he eavesdrops to make sure this exact thing doesnât happen. âyouâre here to apologise!â
hongjoong appears rightfully berated, then he looks at anything but you as he huffs, âcan i come in?â
âdepends,â you cross your arms defiantly. âare you going to try and kick me out?â
despite the prickliness of the conversation, it almost feels right in a sense. as if thereâs no real heat behind your words and you two are back to the easy banter you used to haveâ before your near-kiss with him. this time, though, seonghwa hisses your name in frustration.
âgeez! okay!â you fluster as you step back and open the door wider, letting hongjoong in and away from the prying ears of the older.
you sit tentatively on your couch and he mirrors you, scratching the back of his neck as he perches himself on the edge. itâs awkward and tense when it becomes apparent to the both of you that youâre alone. âi didnât think you would come,â you break the silence.
he hums softly, âme neither.â
you donât know how to respond so you donât, allowing the quiet to settle over your living room once more. eventually, hongjong opens his mouth quietly, âi wasâam ashamed of myself.â
youâve been there beforeâ on the other side of the conversation as the one doing the apologising. you know how difficult it is to be honest about your own emotions, particularly the negative ones, so you wait patiently for him to find the right words.
âiâve been ashamed ever since the night i tried to kiss you. i was a coward and i did nothing to change it. i only ended up hurting you and iâve regretted it every single day. i think about why i didnât talk to you afterwards, why i said those things about you and your exâŚwhy i didnât just kiss you.â
you canât help but inhale sharply at his confession, because that can only mean one thing.
hongjoong gathers the courage to look at you as he admits, âi did like you. i still do. but i was an idiot and thought that i was doing the best thing for everybody. i shouldnât have made that choice for you nor tried to have a say in your love life. i was jealous and i know now how toxic i was being, which is why i was so stubborn about not coming to namhae because i didnât think my apology would be good enough. so iâm sorry for all the things i said and did, but iâm also sorry that it took me this long to talk to you.â
he looks so uncharacteristically unsure of himself as he timidly asks, âwill you forgive me?â
thereâs not a moment of hesitation before youâre closing the gap between the two of you on the couch so that you can wrap your arms around him. and in a rare display of vulnerability, he tucks his face into the crook of your neck. you comfort, âi forgive you. there are a lot of things iâm ashamed of doing too. but we all make mistakes and thatâs what helps us to grow.â
âyou still like me?â he mumbles into your neck.
you laugh at the ticklish feeling, âvery much so, hongjoong.â because in forgiveness there is love, and you have years of owed love to show the boys.
only when your sides become cramped and your necks become stiff do you finally pull away from each other. as you make eye contact with him though, youâre suddenly reminded of his confession. you know that you will need to have another talk with hongjoong about it, and you still donât know where the other boys stand in terms of pursuing something romantic with you, but that will be for later. right now, you are content and at peaceâ the nine of you against the world once more.
âletâs go find the rest of the boys?â you ask.
he grins, holding a hand out to pull you up with him as he answers, âletâs go.â
just as hongjoong puts on his shoes by the doorway, he distractedly questions, âwhy are these here?â
you frown and follow his line of sight, settling on the top of the cabinet in your hallway where a pair of gloves sitâ the ones you had discovered in your coat on your way back to namhae. âyou know who they belong to?â
âyeah,â he nods, absentmindedly touching them before walking out the door. âi bought them last year, but they were too big so i gave them to san.â
it was san who hid them in your coat.
you numbly follow his steps outside where the boys have gathered in waiting and are sitting side by side on the embankment, facing the ocean. they are simply living in the moment, basking in the golden rays of sunlight and the warm touch of the person by their sideâ an arm around a waist; a head on a shoulder. you almost donât want to disturb them, but you know the seven of them are not complete. not without hongjoong, and not without you.
and as your gaze meets san who smiles at the both of you, his chest swelling with relief, pride and love, you realise that san had bared his heart out to you long before you even knew.
once you fall back into routine with them, it starts to become obvious. the way the boys naturally gravitate towards one another with doting gazes and lingering touches; the casual use of a pet name or flirtatious joke; the shifts in dynamic you had noticed before that seem to extend beyond friendship. it starts to make sense when you realise that thatâs exactly the reasonâ no longer are their relationships purely based on platonic love, but romantic love.
itâs why yunho knocks his forehead against mingiâs just to see him smile, and why san pretends to grumble when wooyoung kisses his cheeks, only to give the younger a proper kiss mere seconds later. itâs why jongho never lets yeosang carry his own surfboard even if heâs just as strong, and itâs why seonghwa and hongjoong like to disappear into the shower together.
but the longer you mull over these interactions for, the more you realise that they donât seem to be simply âpaired offâ. you notice how jongho refuses to be cuddled but will nestle against seonghwa when heâs tired, and how yunho and yeosang seek out each otherâs company before bedtime. you notice how wooyoung squeezes hongjoongâs ass underwater to make him yelp, and how san and mingi are content to just sit together on their surfboards on the sand.
rather than a question of who is with who, it becomes a question of who isnât with who, and this time, you also find yourself mixed into the equation. but it confuses you whenever they treat you the same and you find yourself holding back despite your feelings, because itâs much harder to tell what kind of love theyâre giving you when you yourself yearn for the intimate type.
san notices the change in your demeanour, as small as it may be, and decides itâs time for the talk. so here the nine of you sit on the beach that stretches in front of your houses. the sand is still warm from the sun even as it starts to dip towards the horizon of the sea. yeosangâs jacket lays over your bare legs and a slight breeze tugs delicately at your clothes.
âokay, so whoâs telling her?â yunho elbows wooyoung as soon as the words leave the latterâs lips.
âwhat? how else are we meant to start the conversation?â wooyoung complains before mocking, âthe reason i have gathered you all here todayââ
rolling your eyes, you cut to the chase, âare you all dating each other?â
wooyoung chokes on his own words and everybody else looks at you with wide eyes.
âhowâd you know?â yeosang startles.
seonghwa agrees, âi didnât think we were that obvious,â but when you simply raise an eyebrow in response, heâs quick to amend, âokay, maybe we were.â
san eyes the others to see if anyone wants to step in and lead the conversation, but when nobody does, he speaks up to explain, âweâve been dating each other for just over a year nowâso before last summer. it took a bit of time to work everything out, establish boundaries and communicate what we wanted from one another, but weâre happy like this.â
âonce our relationship had settled down a little, thatâs when i came out to my parents,â mingi adds, âwhich didnât go down well. we wanted to tell you last summer too, butâŚother things happened and it all fell through before we could talk about it.â
yeosang meekly scratches the back of his neck as he says, âitâs long overdue, but weâre telling you now.â
the chuckle that comes out of you is light and carefree. âiâm happy for you guys,â you affirm sincerely. âi donât think thereâs anybody else who is more perfect for you guys than each other.â
you truly do. youâre thankful that they have one another and you finally understand how hard it mustâve been for san during your argument to pick a side. his boys were and are his priority and you cannot fault him for putting them first. but then youâre reminded of hongjoong and his confession. are the others aware of his feelings?
said man has the audacity to frown at you in confusion. âwhy does it sound like youâre just wishing us well?â
âam i not allowed to do that as your friend?â you mirror his expression.
âgod,â hongjoong exhales. âdo you think weâre telling you this just to reject you?â
âof all people to say thatârub it in my face, why donât you,â you grumble.
he starts to grasp the situation as he looks at the rest of the boys, âwait, did nobody fucking confess to her apart from me?â
the explosion of responses to his question is immediate.
âyou confessedââ ââi thought we agreed to confess togetherââ ââtrust you to cut in line! thatâs not fair!â
your eyes dart wildly from side to side, unsure of who to focus on as they all start to passionately talk over one another. at one point, someone tries to chuck a handful of sand in hongjoongâs direction, but it scatters innocuously before it can even get close.
âhold the fuck up,â you yell over the commotion. âconfess what?â
âhow did you figure out that weâre in a polyamorous relationship but not that the feelings extend to you as well?â yeosang judges you.
âi didnât want to project my own feelings and misconstrue anything. plus, none of you have actually mentioned liking or dating girls before, so i justâŚâ
âassumed we didnât have feelings for you,â seonghwa concludes as you laugh awkwardly.
wooyoung deadpans, âwe may have wanted to punch your ex in the face for his shitty-ass personality because we were your friends, but we were also jealous as fuck.â
âall of you?â you ask in disbelief.
âall of us. some of us were just better at hiding it,â mingi looks pointedly at the boy sitting on his left.
âyouâre one to talk about hiding your feelings,â hongjoong counters before turning to you to expose, âmingi wouldnât shut up about you after he met you.â
mingi immediately shoves him backwards into the sand.
âlook,â jongho cuts in, âwhat weâre trying to say is that weâve all liked you for a while now, and if you still feel the same way about us, then weâd like to take our relationship with you to the next step.â
how many times have you wanted this momentâ for all of them to return your confession. but now that itâs actually becoming a reality, itâs honestly a little daunting. âyouâre all serious about this?â
a lot will change over the next year. most of you will join hongjoong and seonghwa as postgraduates and start full-time work. san will move back to namhae, but whether the others will follow or stay in seoul is unknown. there are a lot of uncertainties regarding the future and the relationship will only work if everyone is serious about making it work.
yunho answers on everyoneâs behalf, âweâre very serious.â
you take a moment to look at all of them one by one, only to find the same promise within their gazesâ that even if things become difficult, they want to face it with you by their side.
it feels right when san is the one to officially ask the question, ây/n, will you be our girlfriend?â
like san once said, itâs hard to find friends you love, but itâs even harder to find a friend you fall in love with, and youâve been blessed with not only one, but eight of these people. between friendship and love, you already know from experience what you will decideâ so you make your choice.
âi forgot, are hongjoong and wooyoung coming down this weekend?â san pokes his head in through the doorway.
you eye him from the mirror, face void of expression to reply, âdonât count on it.â
sanâs pout is immediate and you laugh, shuffling over to console your boyfriend from where you had been getting ready in your shared bathroom. he grumbles, âyouâre never going to let me hear the end of that, are you?â but he canât hide the way his lips pull upwards the moment you press a chaste kiss against his cheek in apology.
âhongjoong said that there were a couple of delays with filming, so he and wooyoung canât step away just yet. but theyâll come back next saturday if they can wrap things up by then.â
as you talk, san takes the halter straps out of your grasp so that he can help secure your top around your neck. âitâs so hard to align everyoneâs schedules together. i miss the long holiday breaks we got in college,â you absently complain, body relaxing under the ministrations of sanâs hands as he gently squeezes the nape of your neck.
âme too, love,â another voice joins the conversation. seonghwa walks up to tenderly ruffle sanâs hair and nuzzles your temple with his nose. âbut we have to work hard to pay off this house and to spoil you with whatever you want.â
seonghwa has grown out his hair and has kept it long since, and you love running your fingers through his silken waves before he goes to work every morning. he always looks so soft and cosy with his round glasses and fluffy sweaters that you know his school kids adore just as much as you do. but right now, his face bare of makeup and hair pulled back into a messy updo, wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts to show off his upper build, he looks the complete opposite of what youâre used to seeing and you feel your stomach doing flips in response.
you lean into both of their touches as you giggle, âwe could have bought a smaller house. nobody sleeps in their own bedroom anyway.â
âwell can you really blame us for being madly in love,â seonghwa grins, stealing a kiss from you that only serves to elicit more giggling.
âthatâs true. your beds are always warmer than mine,â you agree.
âexactly. now come on, are you ready to go?â
the three of you walk downstairs to the living room, where the rest of the boys are waiting around in various mismatches of shirts, tank tops or only shorts. after two weeks of attempting to keep everybodyâs clothes separate once youâd all moved in together, they had simply given up and made their wardrobes communal.
as you drop a spare bottle of sunscreen into your tote bag, a pair of arms snake themselves around your waist. you turn around, sweet smile ready to greet whoever it is. your jaw drops, âwooyoung?â
his eyes sparkle with mischief, even more so when your eyes grow even wider at the sight of hongjoong perched on the edge of the couch in the background and you exclaim, âhongjoong? i thought you two werenât coming until next week?â
wooyoung takes the opportunity of your dazed compliance to pull you into a bone-crushing hug. âwe caught up with the schedule,â he exclaims happily. âyou shouldâve seen hongjoong though. director kim made sure to work us hard.â
you playfully wriggle yourself out of the vice-like hug youâre in to bound over to the older, who automatically opens his arms to welcome you. you slot easily between his legs and his hands rub the sides of your back fondly as he looks up to ask, âdid you miss me?â
forgoing an answer, you lean down to kiss him. wooyoung immediately complains, âwhy didnât i get a kiss?â so san pulls him in for one to appease him. youâd never be able to leave the house otherwise, because then everyone would start demanding your kisses. and considering that it has been a few long months since you last had quality time with all eight of them at the same time, there would be too many wanted kisses to count.
one thing you had all agreed on prior to buying a house in namhae was to ensure it had a beach front, just like your and sanâs old home. so it doesnât take long to carry your surfboardsâ save for you; the boys like it when you use theirsâ and towels down to the shore.
you close your eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of salt and subtle feeling of ocean spray on your skin. itâs a bittersweet emotion, knowing that itâs already the last day of summer, but only today have the nine of you been able to align your schedules this year. it makes you appreciate these fleeting moments of rest though, and you learn to find rest in each other too.
some of the boys start slipping off their tops, dropping them onto the sand to keep them dry as they surf. youâve found that the greatest perk of dating them is that youâre allowed to openly and unashamedly ogle at them. the rigid shadows of their muscles reveal the discipline and hard work they put into maintaining their bodies despite their busy jobs.
san had also been monitoring his protein intake leading up to his recent dance showcase, so itâs very hard to look at the expanse of his broad chest and prominent dip of abs down his hips without feeling a rush of heat in your lower stomach. if the boys know that you offer to help them reapply sunscreen just to get a little handsy with them, then nobody says anything. (they offer to help you reapply your sunscreen as well.)
youâre content to just lie down on your towel and watch the boys, yeosang in his usual place by your side as he presses lazy kisses to your shoulder and traces the names of his lovers onto the skin of your stomach. mingi starts dragging his surfboard into the water, but when wooyoung attempts to push him in insteadâ and fails miserablyâ all thoughts of surfing are quickly forgotten. it becomes an absolute shitshow when hongjoong gets mistaken for the culprit and mingi picks him up.Â
âit wasnât me!â the older shrieks, but mingi has no ears for reasoning and prepares to drop him into the water. unwilling to go down by himself, hongjoong grips mingiâs neck at the last second and successfully drags him underwater with his weight. as wooyoung runs away absolutely delighted by the outcome, his trajectory unfortunately runs into jongho, who cuts off his cackles with a giggle, a simple shove sideways and a resultant splash.
not even bystanders can catch a break, and seonghwa screams for mercy as san and yunho suddenly grab his arms and legs. they sway him from side to side before letting him go with the momentum of the last swing to fling him into the ocean. everyone erupts into a united clamour of glee at the dunking of the eldest and you find yourself shaking your head at their unchanging antics.
you donât think you can ever get tired of watching their radiant smiles of happiness and shared touches of sun-kissed skin, nor can you ever get tired of hearing their tinkling chimes of laughter and rowdy shouts of mischief. you may all grow older and there may not be as much time or luxury to simply bask in the joys of summer any longer; these golden hours that you are living in right now may forever remain as your sole memories when you reflect back on the essence of your youth.
on this dayâ the last day of summer in namhaeâ you find that summer takes the form of shared ice cream with sticky kisses, long showers with warm touches, and hushed pillow talk with synchronous heartbeats. but it doesnât matter to you, not anymore.
the seasons will change and the years will pass, but so long as you are with your boys, every day will be summer.
#yumi <33#MOOT MOOT#nowhere near as long as your reblog but a solid 1.7k words#bro our reblogs combined are 4.4k i'm actually dying đ#are you thinking what i'm thinking b1
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burning love. || Joseph Quinn
SUMMARY: You and Joseph were the best friends back into your teen years but⌠life happens. You go separate ways and happen to bump into each other ten years later. You know nothing about him being Joseph Quinn, he loves it
warnings: smoking, swearing, drinking, a little amount of angst (but its just a little), fluff, friends to lovers, slow burn, mentions of dysfunctional families and drug use (itâs just a mention, nothing big)Â
wc: 4.6K
a/n: Sooooo, this had been on my mind the moment those new york pics dropped and I really needed to get it out. Probably making a second part for this. // Please, this is my first time posting my writing here, so I beg you to be kind (also English is not my first language so sorry in advance for any typos). I accept any kind of constructive criticism đÂ
request are closed | masterlist
part I | part II
burning love
You couldnât believe your eyes. Like, you werenât even 100% sure that it was him but at the same time, there was not a chance that those big brown sparkling eyes could belong to anyone but him. You tried to take another look to the 5 feet something man that had just passed along, too close almost touching your side. That was actually what had made you look, the proximity of his body to yours as he walked across the room to get back to his table. Two pints of beer in his hands.
âEy, y/n!? Are you even listening?â. Your friend shook her hands in front of you and you immediately apologized. âWhatâs the matter?â she asked again seeing you were completely distracted.
âYou see that guy in the backâ your friend took a look in the most noticeably way ever, so you almost hide under the table when he quickly glanced toward your table.
âOh, I see, heâs hotâ.  She laughed. Was he? Oh god⌠âBut looks like heâs already taken hunâ.
âShut up!â you hissed. âThatâs not the reason Iâm staring⌠I think I know himâ.
âSeriously?â your friend sounded unexplainably enthusiastic about the info. âWhy donât you go and say hi then instead of creeping on him like thatâ.
âI wasnât creeping on himâŚâ your friend laughed loudly in disbelief. âAnyways, Iâm not even sure if itâs him. Itâs been like⌠dunno, maybe seven or eight yearsâ.
âGo and say hiâ she insisted, and you felt like she was the one not listening now. âIf itâs not him you just apologize and thatâs itâ.
You gave it a thought. Maybe you could do that⌠or maybe you could pretend you have to go the bathroom and casually have a closer look.
âRemember his name?â your friend asked, and you frowned. Of course you remembered.
âJoseph. We used to be close friends back when I lived in LonâŚâ she didnât even let you finish when she was yelling his name not one but twice. You immediately tried to disappear behind her, your nerves mixing with shame and an outrageous need to kill her right there and then.
âIâm pretty sure he looked overâ she said, no hiding her amusement. âYou have to go and say hiâ.
âEveryone in this fucking pub looked overâ you angrily replied. âThis is a nonsense. Common, I need a smokeâ.
You stood up quickly from your seat and started walking to the exist without even checking if your friend was following you. You didnât really care; you just need some air and a cigarette.
The New York cold breeze of October helping you to feel a little relieved. You took out your lighter and a cig from your packet as you walked away a few meters from the entrance. You rested your back against a wall and tried to recover your nerves. You werenât really angry at her, like⌠she didnât know. She had no idea who this guy, if it even was him, was⌠what he meant to you, or used to mean. Because, if you were honest to yourself, why have you reacted like that? Why did you care that much? Was it the fact that a lot of years had passed and you felt embarrassed by your friend behavior or was it because you were almost certain about him being actually him and the mere thought of it make your stomach flip and your heart skip. Suddenly you were seventeen, laying on the grass of the nearest park to your place while sharing a cig with your best friend as well as your thoughts and some laughs, loud laughs that he loved to provoke with bad jokes and constant banter. God⌠not in a million years you thought that he could still had that effect on you.
Yet there you were, trying to put yourself together. You remembered the unlit cigarette on your hand and brought it to your mouth. The same breeze you had been grateful about just a few moments ago was now annoying. The damn air was making really difficult to light the cig. Without notice, a hand joined yours to cover the small flame of your lighter and finally you could light your cig. You took a big puff without even thanking nor looking to the person that had helped you.
âThis awful air makes you feel defenseless uhâ. That accent⌠the voice. It was him. You didnât even have to look at him.
You didnât even try to look cool and even if you had tried, your ridiculous loud caugh would have given you away. Joseph put his free hand on your back as he rubbed in a sweet attempt of helping you as you were choking on your own damn smoke. God you felt like you could die of shame right there.
âEy, sorry I didnât pretend to scare youâ he apologized as soon as you stopped coughing. Thatâs when you looked at him. His big sparkling eyes sent shivers along your spine and the way his hand wouldnât left your back didnât help with the feeling.
His name was the only thing that left your lips and it did in such a terrible weak whisper that, for a second, you thought he hadnât got it. His laugh was a clear signal that he had heard you.
âWere you planning on running away or whatâ he said playfully just after he took a puff from his own cigarette. You were too caught up in the feeling that you just shook your head and then shrug your shoulders. âGosh, I cannot believe youâre hereâ.
âWhat?!â you chuckled âI cannot believe you are hereâ.
You stared at each other for a second, you felt his soft gaze checking you in disbelief just as you were doing with him. For a moment you considered throwing yourself in his arms, but you had already embarrassed yourself enough for one night. Instead, you had a puff from your almost burn out cig. No chocking this time, thanks god.
âYou look⌠grown upâ. It slipped without even thinking and he couldnât help but laugh.
âWell, you know, years do that to peopleâ he answers with kindness. âI think you had grown up to y/nâ.
You laughed together this time, and you moved your head in acceptance.
âBut, thankfullyâ you replied before taking your last puff.
âSeems like life has treated us nice, uhâ he took your butt and his and threw them into a near ashtray.
âYeahâ you reply with your softest of the smiles as he came back to your side. âBut⌠sorry to ask, what you doing in The City?â Â
âWorkâ he simply responded, and it made you even more curious.
âWork?â you enquired.
âYeah, got some meetings and press⌠but itâs just a couple of daysâ he said calmly. Maybe even with a bit of dullness.
âPress?â you didnât want to be annoying but the whole thing was killing you. Â
âYou seem to be the only human in earth to not know what I do for a livingâ. He let it out as if he wanted to downplay the thing.
âIâm so confused⌠what are you talking about?â again, you didnât want to insist but the intrigue and the mystery didnât help. You for sure had no idea what he was talking about you almost feel bad.
âNothingâ he smiled tenderly. Â âYou donât want to know, trust meâ he said laughing and then changed the topic. âTell me about you. You live here?â He almost sounded demanding, so you decided to drop it.
âI do. Yes.â
âYeah, that accent speaks for itselfâ he replied in a New York accent that made the both of you bust into a laugh. It amazed you how that made you feel as if any year had passed.
âCantât believe youâre still into thatâ
âEy! How am I supposed to stop doing something Iâm hella good atâ
âRight, sorry. Youâre totally rightâ.
Joseph took out a packet and offered you his last cig. You denied at first because making him run out of them was the last thing you wanted to do.
âWe shareâ he insisted and made you take it. âLike the good old timesâ he said with a grin as he lit up the cigarette in your mouth. He was so close to your face you could perfectly feel the heat of the air leaving his lungs. You look at him almost astonished, for fucks sakes. It had passed years⌠what the hell was happening? What the hell was he doing?
âSo, what do you do?â he asked when you passed him the cig.
âIâm a doctorâ you explained and this time he was the one to almost chock into his own smoke. âEy, what is itâ you whined. But you actually knew.
âOh, common y/n! A doctor!â he called out still laughing. âYou, the number one âyou only live onceâ person Iâve ever met⌠you know itâs wittyâ.
âWoah, woah, If my mind doesnât fail⌠Iâm pretty sure I didnât take all that shit by my ownâ you winked and eye to him and if it hadnât been for the darkness you would have sworn that he blushed in shame.
âOk, fine⌠Iâll take my partâ he laughed and passed you back the cigarette.
âBut as you seem that concerned, I quit the moment I left Londonâ.
âI see⌠I was the bad influence thenâ he joked and this time you were the one blushing.
âShut upâ you replied with a grin and he pinched your arm. Damn, he was too touchy. Just the same as he was back in your teen years.
âYou smoke thoughâ he pointed out.
âI occasionally doâ you defended yourself quickly.
âDonât tell me youâve become one of those social smokersâ he said in a silly tone. And when you shrugged your shoulders, he laughed again. âAt least tell me youâre not a pediatrician or something like thatâ
âAnesthesiologistâ your proudly claimed.
âWoah, thatâs mental!â he answered with a half-smile. âIt actually suits youâ.
You frowned, what does that exactly was supposed to mean. But you couldnât even ask because you noticed he wasnât looking at you anymore and he had taken some steps away. He was looking towards the entrance of the pub, the blonde girl that you had seen he was sat back in there waving a hand to him. He raised his hand in a kind of signal that he was going to be back with her in a second. Joseph faced you again.
âI gotta runâ he stated and somehow sounded sad. âIt was so lovely to see you again, and not to mention how great you seem to be. Iâm so gladâ. He stepped back into your personal space, but you didnât really mind.
âDonât worry, Iâm glad too you⌠are doing whatever youâre doing. You look happyâ.
The smirk o his lips turned into a full and big smile as he said goodbye again and touched your arm gently. You watched him walk away as if you were petrified. Â Again, that overwhelming feeling taking over your body when he suddenly turned around and run back to you.
âEy, y/n, got you phone with you?â he talked fast. You search for it with hurry but unexplainably you couldnât find it. âDoesnât matter, tell me you number, Iâll write it downâ
For a second you feel like your brain didnât work, was he asking for your phone number? Was he planning on talking again? What was happening.
âUnless youâŚâ you didnât let him continue. You forced your brain to work despite all the emotional baggage that you were feeling and spill you phone number for him to add it into his contacts. âBanging!â he almost yelled as he waved you goodbye and run back to that blonde girl.
Banging⌠oh my god, you laughed at his expressions⌠how British he was. You stayed there for a moment, watching him walk away with that girl you were assuming was his girlfriend and trying to get your head around with everything that had just happened. You had never thought you would run into him again.
If you were honest to yourself, you werenât even sure why you had grown apart. You remembered that the moment you left the country you tried to keep up with him, as well as with other friends from London, but trying to get into college and working full time didnât really leave you much time for anything. Maybe it had been an excuse and eventually he stopped making calls and sending messages that were almost always left unread. You were too busy building your new life far away from your past demons that you forgot about him, the only person that had had your back in the most difficult times of your life as a teen. You started to feel really guilty about behaving like and it amazed you how lovely he actually had been to you. You didnât remember him being the resentful type but⌠ you didnât feel like you deserved his sweetness and amiability.
All the thoughts and memories were making you feel kind of anxious and overwhelmed so you slapped your internal self, composed yourself and walked back to the pub where you assumed you friend was waiting, maybe flirting with some stranger just for fun as she used to do. You could go over the whole thing in another moment.
-
You didnât even know how you had found yourself in that situation. It was so weird, almost absurd you thought sometimes⌠still you spent almost every free moment you had to talk to him. It had just happened. Call after call you two had turned up developing this nice and lovely dynamic that would hold the both of you into a facetime call for hour sometimes, for less than five minutes others. It depended on how much time either of you got.
Eventually you found out, oh my god⌠you even feel embarrassed at first. How could you not know? âWhat kind of cave do you live inâ he picked on you when you sent him the magazine cover. You were pretty sure you would never forget the way you felt when you discovered the pictures, and then an article and after that content wouldnât stop popping up. You thought it was pretty awesome but at the same time it was really weird for you. Sure, he had always been a drama queen, and eccentric and a little bit hectic and if you thought of it a bit, it really made sense all the actor thing, but never in a million years you couldâve imagined him like this. It was big, it was huge. If you were finding it hard to swallow, you just couldnât even imagine how it was being for him. Although that was the least of your topics, you noticed how comfortable he was chatting about shared old memories, letting him tell you every single detail of his day or just gossiping about some of your hospital coworkers or some random news about a friend in common that your mom shared with you. The both of you enjoyed the dynamic a lot.
On the other hand your mom wouldnât shut up about it, constantly pointing out how uncanny all of it was and how your behavior was being âtotally childishâ. It made you regret telling her about him, not that she had leave you another option with her inquisitive questions and her way of cornering you the moment she noticed how âunusually happy and relaxedâ you were looking. You didnât think it was that much⌠but your best friend also mentioning didnât help.
You hadnât even wanted to give it a thought⌠it didnât seem necessary, getting to talk to him about whatever any of you feel like in the moment was enough. It seemed to work just fine for Joseph and you so why did you had to question⌠why did other had to question it. And you were not catching feelings, for sure, you were not. Your heart skipping each time he said âoh boy, how much Iâve missed youâ didnât have anything to do with that. Nor the way his big eyes stared at you with mesmerism when you were telling him about your day. Not even the knot that started to grow in your stomach when you couldnât reach each other for more than two days in a row. Of course, no. You were just old friends getting to reconnect⌠to catch up, and it happened to be  extraordinarily easy and comforting. Â
However, the day you were looking for flights to London and considering spending Christmas with your family for the first time in almost six years just so you could actually hang up with him since he was going to be there to, was the day you started to think that maybe⌠just maybe, everything was getting out of hand.
You were about to collapse when your best friend called.
âWhatâs up? Have you booked your flight already?â she asked.
âI⌠Iâm not sure about itâ
âWhat?!â you heard the confusion in her voice âWhat you talking about? You were blasting about it yesterday! What do you mean by âIâm not sure about itââ she mocked but you were dead serious.
âI mean⌠what am I even doing y/bf/n. This is ridiculous. I cannot just fly back to London and stay at my parentsâ playing ÂŤhappy familyÂť and all, and then just go and hang out with Joe like we are two careless teenagers and pretend itâs not nutsâ.
âAre you finished?â.
âTake it seriously pleaseâ.
âOh I am⌠youâre the one panicking over nothing y/n! You need to relax. Youâre gonna travel back home for a week, have the nicest of the holidays, take it easy with your dysfunctional family and enjoy your time with this friend of yours. Thatâs all and itâs gonna be greatâ. Your friend sounded convincing.
âLooking at it like that it doesnât sound that badâ
âThatâs because itâs not, periodâ. The both of you laughed. âRelax, book that flight right now, and lets got out for a drink, deal?â.
âYes momâ you joked but your friend didnât reply, she had already hanged up.
So, London it was.
-
Joseph was the one waiting at the arrivals at Heathrow, not your mum, or your dad or your older brother. Joe was the one standing still next to an old couple searching for you in the crowded room. You had immediately spotted him as the automatic doors had opened. It amazed how good he looked, how good looking he was in fact. The last time you had seen each other, without considering your quick encounter two months ago, he still wore his glasses time to time, especially during classes, and he wouldnât shut up about his âbrand new smileâ since he had just got rid of the brackets. Always goofing around, smoking cheap cigarettes and talking you into skipping Mrs. Davies period. And now⌠wow, the man he had become. He looked classy in that black large coat, sunglasses on the top of his head, his brown curls slicked back. How could someone look so damn hot by doing the bare minimum. Â
The moment he saw you his eyes lighted up and an enormous smile appeared on his face. Your stomach flipped. As you were getting close to each other you were trying to figure out how were you supposed to greet him, but Joe seemed to have it pretty clear because as soon as you were in front of each other, he didnât hesitate to take you into his arms. You couldnât help but sigh at the ease feeling that took over you mixed with the essence of his perfume and cigarettes. He held you so tight that you thought for a second that his body would swallow you, not that you minded.
âGod, Iâm so glad youâre hereâ he said into your ear.
âI am tooâ was the only thing that you could said.
After driving you to your parentsâ home so you could leave your stuff there, have a quick shower and show how happy and grateful you were to being there with them, Joseph took you out for lunch. He had bombarded you about a place called âThe French Houseâ for weeks and now that he had the chance to take you there, you were almost sure you were not going to visit any other restaurant during your stay.
You let him order your food, trusting him completely about how everything in the place was finger licking good. He really emphasized that part and it made you laugh out loud about it. Heâd always been a foodie; you could even tell that his love for good food had increased, and it actually amazed you how those little details hadnât changed at all. For sure he was different from what you remembered, as well as you knew you were different from his memories. But the essence was there. It seemed like he had taken all his best features and made them better if that even made sense.
Het let you finish your meal before asking. You knew he was dying to hear how right he was about the place and the food but you liked playing around.
âWell, itâs not bad⌠but maybe your irrational love for oysters canât let you think properlyâ.
âOh, common y/n! Donât be a little liar. You know you enjoyed every piece of thatâŚâ he pointed to your empty plate, and you laughed. âYou canât say it wasnât so fucking goodâ. He spilled each word slowly, looking at your eyes directly. You didnât stop laughing, trying to play cool but the truth was that you were internally screaming. What the fuck. Why did he had to be that filthy around food.
âShut up, oh my godâŚâ you said as you stood up and he followed. âI bet you spend all that nasty amount of money youâre making on super expensive food and fancy restaurantsâ you teased.
âI doâ he admitted with a grin on his face. âAnd suits. I love posh clothesâ he stated and you laughed together.
You made your way out of the restaurant and took your packet out and got two cigs.
âHow about we take a walk?â he suggested, and you agree. It wasnât a really cold afternoon for the time of the year and lucky for you two it was not raining. You lit up your cig and did the same for him. When you got close to him the urge of ending with the few inches that separated your faces was unbearable. You had to recognize that he made you feel extremely needy and his touchiness didnât help with the feeling either. Each time he touched your back, or your arm, or your hand a shiver would shake you, head to toe. God, he was so handsome and so charming. You were feeling like a dumb teenager with a crush on your best friend.
âEy, y/n you okay?â he asked when he realized you were not listening to him. Â
âOh, yes⌠sorry. Gosh Iâm so sorry I was not paying attention Joeâ you saw in his eyes that he wasnât mad but you felt terrible, especially because of how attentive he was every time you talk. âIâm so sorry I was just⌠sorryâ.
âItâs fineâ he said touching your arm gently, but you looked at him and it didnât really seem as everything was fine. You were about to ask when he spoke again âWho would have said we will end up like this, uh⌠specially after everythingâ.
âWhat do you mean?â you inquired. âLike, is this that weird for you?â.
âNo, no. Donât panic, okay?â your heart skipped anyway, you didnât like the turn it was taking. âItâs just⌠common. When was the last time we actually hanged out together as friends? Iâd swear it was 2012 or soâŚâ as he spoke, you stopped walking and so did he.
âWhat are you trying to say Josephâ he was starting to get on your nerves. âJust say what you want to say and thatâs allâ.
âI⌠See, y/n I donât know, okay? Iâm just so confused with everything. Iâm not saying I donât like it, but⌠oh, please, donât look at me like thatâ. You couldnât understand anything, and your face was probably making it quite clear.
What was happening? You get it, it was weird for you as well but why was he suddenly overthinking about it. You could almost say he was the one panicking as he had said. How the fuck you had gone from laughing about the way he had his oysters just an hour ago to this. To feeling as if he wanted to run away in that instant moment. Â
âI⌠Iâm gonna go home, okay?â you simply said. He tried to stop you by grabbing your arm. âJoseph, pleaseâ you asked him to let you go. You didnât want to do this anymore.
âY/n, look at me, would you?â You slowly faced him until your eyes reached his. âI donât want this to end I really like this⌠whatever it is, for fuck sakes I really fucking like youâ.
âYouâŚâ he didnât let you speak.
âLet me finish because otherwise Iâm not sure Iâm gonna have the guts to say itâ you realized he was suddenly a nervous wreck so you nodded and he kept going âI like you, okay? I really do and donât even ask how or anything that tries to find any kind of logic because Iâve already done that and believe me⌠I wouldnât be able to give you a decent answer because this feeling is just the most insane Iâve ever experiencedâ your heart was racing, almost as if itâd scape from your ribcage. âBut I love it y/n. I absolutely adore the way you flip my feet over the ground with your laugh and how much you care about me and how can you remind every detail of all the stories I tell you. It drives me crazyâ.
âJoeâŚâ
âPlease. But Iâm scared as fuckâ he confessed, and it nearly broke your heart. âIâm fucking scared that youâll go and break my heart⌠and I didnât want to bring all this up because I also didnât want to ruin everything but I had to because I didnât really know how much I could hold thisâŚ
âCould you, please, shut up and kiss meâ you asked in a soft tone, trying to not to go crazy over his confession despite you were backflipping internally.
You didnât have to ask twice, he pushed you closer and locked your lips together. The kiss was soft, slow, gentle, you werenât even sure you could call that a kiss.
âDonât break my heart, pleaseâ he said.
You didnât say a word, instead you went for his lips, they were soft and warm. He pressed your body to his as his lips parted slightly, allowing your tongue to slip inside. God, how much you needed this. You could taste your shared breath and felt the urge growing in both of you.
âWhat if we go to my place and do the rest of the talkingâ he spoke almost against your mouth. You could only hum since you didnât want to part away. But you knew it was better to do as he said.
âOkay, sure, letâs goâ.
You stare at each other and laugh, you looked at his plumped and pink lips, you were already desperate to kiss them again.
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