#but that thing controls so bad😭
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Just finished "flying machine 2.0" mission..... Just bc of that I have decided in my HC Ezio hates that stupid fckn thing
#It took me way too long to realize my Hrz was 180 and that was the problem#but that thing controls so bad😭#ugh#aka why no art today#now that thesis is over I can finish it#by it i mean ezio trilogy
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On Wednesday before I gave my presentation I confessed to a new employee that I was worried it would be too long and she brightly told me her life hack was to just let AI rewrite things for her. She said I should put in all my talking points and ask ChatGPT to give me a five minute exactly presentation. I was like....how is the most polite possible way (since this is a new colleague I shouldn't get off on the wrong foot with) that I can express that I will Not be taking this advice. Ever. I told her that I didn't think we were allowed to use ChatGPT at this job (we most certainly are not, it is a nightmare for any type of protected information) and also that I prefer to write all of my own work. Despite my best efforts the last part of that was still passive aggressive, lol.
Something about being a writer makes it so that it's almost offensive to me for someone to suggest I use AI to do my work instead? Like, the day I reach the point where I let AI write something for me is the day y'all need to be checking me for brain damage because clearly I'm losing it
#i also told her i was capable of making a 5 minute presentation but that i had too much information to cover to explain the project in 5 min#and she was like oh that makes sense!!#but like im sorry 😭am i the insane one or like....#idk to me suggesting I use AI isn't a helpful suggestion it reads as someone telling me i don't know how to do my job#does that make sense?#i don't consider it a lifehack or working smarter instead of harder. it seems like you're suggesting i am incapable of writing well myself#i know a lot of people right now thing AI is the best thing ever#to me it's a blatant omission that you can't do your own work or think for yourself#this is also even crazier of a suggestion to me because that morning i had TWO managers on call debating wording of a sentence#like we were reveiwing this presentation tightly so that we said exactly what we wanted to and met the standards of our administration#chatgpt is not going to understand the nuances of what we can/cannot say or official/approved wording lol#i think we use ai tools in the sense of like...photoshop generative fill or ai stuff in scientific research/arcgis#but i'm like 99% sure we were banned from using chatgpt over privacy concerns of putting controlled information into it#anyway. idk. i know not everyone writes as well as i do.#but i'd rather read bad writing that came from a person than something that was generated for you tbh#and i will help review my colleagues' writing any day
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For @sansebastinae and @boisinnot, my fellow saint seb truthers :)
+ the usual
Yayyyy finished a drawing! Haha only took me...2 weeks. I kept going back and forth on whether I could finish it tonight, and I really wasn't going to. But then I looked at the unfinished version on a different screen and was like oh? Not too bad actually?? So I finished it :) First of all, ofc, here is the process. Kinda weird seeing it for smth like this, it makes me feel like I'm the painter in rennaisance au, not Mark dhjfkf
Ah I was gonna draw a silly renaissance au comic to accompany this(read: lighten the mood), but it's 5 am and I've still not really drafted it well, so! I'd like to finish it at some point bcs I wanna draw more chibi comics, but when I finish smth, I can't help but immediately want to post it, so part 2 will have to wait. I'll show you the outline though so you can at least imagine 😭
^ So many renaissance and beyond paintings of Saint Sebastian are always the most horny thing ever. Like pre/early rennaisance, yeah he was naked and all that, but they were pretty chaste, and uhhhhh suffering?? Well the newer paintings are suffering, but in a different way, if you know what I mean.
So I feel like Mark's the type to be overly pedantic about it, and refuses to make borderline porn of a saint, I mean, god forbid, Seb!!! But then he just. Does anyways. Because he can't control his lust for Seb even when drawing him half dead. I just imagine him holding the paintbrush in a death grip like "must not be horny. Must not draw him sexy. Must make him chaste." And then he ends up with the one seen above. Seb is all smug about it. "Wow you'd wanna fuck me even while I'm all bloody and dying? 🥺"
Mark: "oh I'll make you bloody, alright."
But god so funny to imagine Seb doing all these different slutty poses, like arching his back as much as possible, the cloth nearly falling off at all times, etc etc. And Mark finally lands on this pose bcs he hopes the suffering will outweigh the horny. It doesn't. Also Seb is genuinely serious once he actually gets into the pose, focus mode on. And honestly that's even worse for Mark, bcs it's so much more arousing to see Seb in his element, focused. Tbf I think Seb could be drinking water, and Mark would still find some way to sexualize it. Don't look at his sketches!! They're just filled with Seb doing all kinds of random activities.
Also! Here is the painting I referenced this off of, must give credit where credit is due ofc
The Dying St. Sebastian by François Fabre
Also this isn't really relevant in the context of this drawing specifically. But I looked thru a bunch of Saint Sebastian paintings while trying to find one I could reference, and I came across this middle ages one that actually looks so much like boy king seb 😭 I guess it really is meant to be!
St Sebastian between St Roch and St Peter by Pietro Perugino
Lmao but do you see the difference between early rennaisance and later work???
#i cannot control myself anymore i must draw dark things :)#past 3/4 drawings have had blood i think 😭😭 old habits returning#BUT THIS SAINTLY OKAY ITS HOLY ITS FINE#also 005. when i said id draw you a saint seb seb i meant it!!!#<- tho mostly you changed your username when i was already drawing saint seb 😭#but i was gonna dedicate it to you anyways :) so funny coincidence#i wasnt gonna put any lore in the read more cause i didnt think i had any#and then i did. as always.#if is say i have nothing to write just give me a min and i will sjdkfk#i dont draw nakedness im surprised this isnt too bad 😭😭#also im happy cause i stopped myself from stressing over it being too overly detailed#loose fabric my behated 😡😡 but then i realized. i dont have to kms over it so i didnt!#still looks pretty good :) but i mostly like his torso face and hair ahhhh#lol also ik saint seb fits older seb better but. i like twink seb okay 🫣 also its an au thing so#MAN I WISH I FINISHED THE COMIC ACCOMPANIMENT#but it just wasnt clicking and i ended up drawing this first instead#but yes humbly please take my seb offering#f1#formula 1#<- again absurd to tag this at this point but idc#sebastian vettel#sv5#catie.art.#martian#<- not inherently in the drawing itself BUT ITS THERE#tw blood#rennaisance muse au
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love delving into suguru’s overthinking brain <3
#i think his paternal instinct is natural and that it affects the way he interacts sometimes (shows itself in good and bad ways)#i think it’s a genuine struggle for him in terms of nature & nurture. he wants to take care of you/fix things but doesn’t want to make you +#feel like he’s controlling you in that way… it’s a fine line i kinda wanna explore that w him#i underthink to a fault sometimes 😭 so it’s cool to write about a character who’s a constant overthinker#MIND YOU THIS IS FROM MY V-DAY WIP FIC 😭 wanted to add a lil conflict/a look into the way suguru’s brain works#still a bit messy/choppy but i’m just writing stream of consciousness rn#snippets#personal
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understanding why people always get haircuts when they’re mentally unstable now. life is shitty and unfair but at least we always have ✨bodily autonomy✨
#literally never needed to cut my hair so bad#I fucking wish I knew how to cut hair I want to hack it all off with fucking scissors#but I don’t actually want to fuck up my hair#I just. i really need to feel some control over things rn 😭#yes this is all just about my diet changing. it’s unfair.#I need. hair. to be gone. off.#dye all of it
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The coolest gender thing in the 2009 Japanese video game persona 3 100% how hard they coded shinjiro as the dead mom
#.txt#i got soooo mad in the car driving home thinking about how his drug addiction is essentially the classic anime heart condition.#in that the only side effect of the suppressants is that they will kill him. like?#i realized for the longest time i had assumed the chest pain and sweating came from the drugs but thats. castor. obviously.#it doesnt affect his mood or his awareness its like a mood stabilizer pain relief pill?#its so odd that hes framed as like. being addicted to illegal street drugs. BY THE NARRATIVE.#when its more like hes on the most insane experimental medication that they wont even test on like. rats.#also im not fact checking any of this before posting. so i might be lying about things.#idk if it was all of strega that had trouble controlling their personas but like. chidori was because of the Experimentation.#and shinjis just like. mentally ill coded. in a bad way 😭#The inability to regulate a mood/stimuli to the point where he can be unsafe to himself or others.#broad ass symptom of disorders that are not treated well. its also interesting that its not brought on by a specific event.#like the childhood fire is there. but you have akihiko right there to directly compare it to. and hes arguably more effected by it all.#and he seems to be coping well 10+ years on like some coping mechanisms are kind of weird (protein) but nothing super out of the ordinary.#so the problem is really the october 4th incident which was just a pure honest to god accident.#the fact that it gets covered up as a car accident does feel like the best like. emotional equivalent.#because it being shinji being unable to control his persona his true representation of himself and it resulting in death is sooooo bleak#and it weighs on him for 2+ years of being suicidal and unhoused until finally he goes through with his suicide by martyrdom.#i lost the plot a little bit on the gender situation with the vague allusions to fraility when story convenient#acting as dorm den mother and cooking and sewing long hair jacket sillhouette reading like a dress#was referring to that before mental illness took over. woman under the influencing this anime boy.#long way of saying i think he should have a over the shoulder ponytail when hes older. and he should have a mood disorder.
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I did say was done talking about it but just wanna reply to the anon who sent me the long ask, I agree with everything you said like that’s EXACTLY how I feel and my best advice as im handling it too, is to just block accounts/pages whatever is causing those feelings or popping up, and if you find yourself thinking about it, or wanting to go check things, try to redirect yourself to smth positive!
#positive stuff in the fandom or outside of it#and a break although may not wanna do one it can be helpful!#im really excited for all his upcoming stuff too and I really enjoy the space here so I don’t want to just leave that right now#and#cause my problem really is the self control of going to check both out of curiosity and probably just torturing myself lmao#but again im feeling everything you’re feeling#also you put it so perfect about how not a bad person but A MAN#yep😭#but I feel the same way about invading privacy and there was the one thing that happened that I feel guilty over still which then again was#pressured but#that’s another thing dnxndndn#also anon feel free to message me privately if you ever want to because I literally am not joking when I say I feel exactly what you feel#kit talks
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everyone who said once you start buying photocards, you never stop were right….. i bought one photocard and suddenly i have 20 more on the way 😭😭😭
#STOPPP THIS IS SO BAD FOR ME WHY AM I SPENDING MONEY ON PHOTOS OF MEN#but some of them are so cute wtf 😭 like the vernon seventeenth heaven crochet shirt… every time i see it i yearn for it#the only thing keeping my self control in check is that it has to cost $1 or less. i cannot be paying absurd amounts of money for paper 😭#update: WHY ARE ALL THE RESELLERS ACTIVE AT NIGJT#I WAS HOPING I COULD SLEEP MY IMPULSES AWAY AND WAKE UP TMRW THINMING I DONT NEED A PC BUT THEYRE ALL REPLYING ME NOW#THE WORST TBING IS ALL THE PCS I WANT ARE AVAILABLE 😭😭😭😭😭#god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers (a girl who spends money on her hyper fixations)
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What I'd really love to see is a svsss au where shen yuan had the immense powers from saiki k.
Like, svsss is already a romcom of a guy shunted into a fantasy world with meta knowledge and immense power for no reason apart from 'make a happy ending' as a fairly thick veneer over an absolute hot mess of a tragedy with a happy ending, red flags galore, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to his fate of being abandoned by the people around him because of the circumstances he was 'born' into, but he's funny about it.
The disastrous life of saiki k is a fast paced crack comedy about a guy granted immense power for no reason with meta knowledge of the world as a thick veneer over something a little darker and traumatic with a happy ending, complete with a protagonist completely removed from the concept of romance and resigned to being ignored by the people around him because of the circumstances he was born into, but he's hilarious about it.
Now I don't think it should be a 1-1 transplant of saiki to the svsss world, but to imagine an sy with those powers who didn't manage to find loyal friends, who moved out to live alone as soon as possible to avoid issues with his powers, who gravitated to web novels because of their regular updates as opposed to being constantly spoiled for books with finished endings. An sy who despite his ridiculous levels of power died alone in a stupid way and woke up in a world filled with people who also had immense and varied powers, dealing with the prospect of immortality when his own powers are still constantly growing and interfering with his life, but be silly about it.
I want to see a sy with telepathy still failing to understand what lbhs deal is because of his own denial, a sy with the power to crush mountains with a finger trying not to blow down walls with a sneeze because someone put him on a mountain FILLED with plants in SPRING, an sy who deleted an entire country from the planet aged four trying to dodge overly enthusiastic maidens he keeps saving because he doesn't want to steal from the protagonist and also no, lady, please. Shen yuan sitting in the water prison absolutely deadpan as people try and scare him with 10 iq stories about the acid waterfalls. An sy who hares around the peak trying to avoid being spotted on valentines day as he redirects unwanted admirers and improves his disciples dates just so they can all have a good day.
An sqh who really, honestly truly doesn't know how pidw was made real, honest!! All he could do was see ghosts! It's not his fault the story he wrote to make rent turned into all of this!! But because you're here can you pretty please make some ice, I'm in desperate need of air con and my king hasn't showed up in weeks!
Sqq and sqh playing telepathic chess during boring meetings and sqq leaving him to suffer when sqh is asked a question even though he himself knows the answer.
Lbh trying everything to get shizuns attention and discovering his total weakness to his cooking. Like, will let you cheat in class levels of bribery.
Sqq stalking dourly through fields of aphrodisiac plant because he's raised his body temperature high enough to burn out any pollen before it gets too close and the system just despairing at getting this man to do something interesting.
Cat!sqq transforming back as fast as he can because he's got a meeting in half an hour and having to rush around trying to find something to cover the cat ears he didn't manage get rid of.
Shen qingqiu pulling out his limiters and dropping the mask to reveal a deity in the shape of a man, something crafted purely of psychic energy and burning fury, determined to hold maigu ridge together and keep the realms apart with his will alone, to save luo binghe if it killed him again. A shining aura stretching miles, glowing like a star, halting the earthquake with his bare hands.
Sqq seeing a bug and freaking out so hard he teleports to the northern demon realm and lands in a slushy pond, and sqh nearly giving him away because of how hard he's laughing.
#Like honestly the parallels are great#Long post#Sqq leaning hard into the aloof elegant scholar vibes because he still struggles to control his strength even with the limiters#He doesn't want to hurt anyone.#Sqh: please please tell me what my king is thinking right now he's been glaring at me all day!#Sqq (having been forced to hear an endless carnal monologue for hours from him): oh no not a chance. No way are you getting me involved.#Sqq: whatever insane thing you two have going on go ahead. Just don't involve anyone else in that EVER.#Sqh: bro 😭?!#Sqq: *makes a peace sign and goes invisible*#Sqh: BRO?!! Not even... Expensive northern import for the protagonist to cook with?#Sqq: *reappears with a pop* go on...#Sqh is salty he didn't get the godlike powers when he created the world they're in. Sqq tells him it isn't worth it#Being forced to see the past of an object with just a touch when you live in 5 million words of bad smut?? NO THANK YOU.#But both being espers AND from the same world they're still buddies (much to sqqs dismay).#Sqh is just barely outside sqqs telepathy range on an ding and lives in fear of him sensing him writing and catapulting himself#through the window at mach ten to beat him up.#Sqq every time he has to sit through a meeting with some corrupt official: thought crimes aren't real thought crimes don't count#Sqh: so how are you this bad at feelings. My guy you are an empath.#Sqq: shut up.#Lbh would definitely catch sqq doing something impossible or op and be so head over heels. He's like his father that way.#svsss#svsss au#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#scum villain's self saving system#scum villian self saving system#sqq#shang qinghua#sqh#svsss shen qingqiu
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our mother is so poisoned by propaganda that she literally called us sick for saying “this country is built on harming people and stealing land, do you really think that our government isn’t corrupt ?” like... and you say WE don’t know basic us history 💀💀
white cishet liberal is confronted with basic facts about the usa, yells and cries in response
#samuel🧿#its so infuriating too because ?? isn’t this common sense ???#isn’t the fact that america’s government is corrupt just ???? basic fucking knowledge ??????#WHY DOES SHE THINK THE GOVERNMENT LIKES HER ??????? IM SO CONFUSED 😭#like oh my gods you don’t know this because mainstream media is controlled by the ruling class of fucking course they aren’t gonna tell you#you have to do research#something you seem genuinely fucking incapable of#because you just ?? listen to the ruling class and the government when they tell you they’re the good guys ???#like what drugs do you have to be taking to GENUINELY BELIEVE that the government is good and not corrupt at all ever no siree#our mother calling us radical during our little debate was funny though#like oh my gods... your transsexual homosexual disabled punk anarchist son is... gasp !! RADICAL !!?? who woulda thunk it ! /sar#i don’t think her brain computes the fact that when i say im a leftist i mean it. like no i don’t just call myself that to be silly#i DO in fact want a revolution and hate capitalism and the government#i AM infact radical and hold far left beliefs like... homelessness is bad and... people shouldn’t have to slave away to survive or...#the government does corrupt things or... freedom (ACTUAL freedom not the propaganda freedom) is good...#anyways real punks are radical and extreme
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I actually love rain so much im going to explode 😭😭😭
#i feel so bad for people who dont like rain... like damn u really just let a weather control ur life#DONT GET ME WRONG#I ALSO GET SEASONAL DEPRESSION 😭😭#and the sun has a way of making me feel light unlike anything else#but RAINNN MAN#RAINNNNN#sitting under the covers with warm orange light and sipping tea and listening to calm music AGRHHAGRGRHDHFHFHF#my favourite thing in the world🫶🫶🫶#foxie rambles
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i think we should get an undo button in real life, because sometimes you do something on impulse and realize "ah. fuck." and theres just noooo undoing it
#i think i fucked up cleaning this old rolling chair my dad brought home from his workplace#it was covered in workplace related smell and material so i had to clean it down#and i finally did that and. blinks. bro i hosed it down after scrubbing it with a cloth 😭😭😭#its fucking soaked and i rly doubt its gonna dry properly shdjdkdl#BROOOOO WHY DID I DO THAT SBDHFKDL GIRL HELP#I KNEW IT WAS GONNA PROBABLY BE A BAD IDEA BUT I GENUINELY COULDNT SEEM TO STOP MYSELF#my impulse control has been so janky lately 😭😭😭 like I'll hesitate sure and I'll know its a bad idea... but then...#i do it anyways#i think its because i have zero outlets rn for that sort of thing#i need to get back into physically crafting (other than crochet bc theres no much risk taking there)#so that i can make bad decisions and fuck things up but not like... actually fuck things up in a way thats going to rly affect me badly#if this chair rots.... well then I'll be back to not having anything other than a wooden chair for my desk but fjdkdl STILL !!!#i want this chair so bad fhdkdl I've wanted a rolling desk chair for years#praying the sun stays shining today so it can dry properly OUGHHH#im gonna go out there every hour and tilt it around to drain excess water as it settles and hopefully then it'll dry properly#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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got my schedule!!!!!
IT IS INCOMPLETE !!!!!!!
#work logs#snow speaks#your boy is going through it rn lmaooooo#but it was a good morning tho thank goodness i decided to ask a mentor if i could tag along this morning#i wouldve had the rest of the day off to study bc of a class i have to take but#i have to go meet w the director to figure out whats going on w it 😭😭😭#at least if i start w this schedule ill be w the director to figure stuff out 😭😭#i just feel bad bc i do like the other department i was working w so i have to go tell them i moved for now#will be back tho!!!!#oh wait a sec i just realized ill be back in ( )#jdjdjfjdjjdjdjdjd u fr.............#im gonna start gnawing on something hold on lmao#anyways its ok its out of my control (but also i want to Fix Things So I Can Do Stuff)#PLEASE IM.SO BORED AND IDK WHAT TO DO ASIDE STUDY...
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It's kinda sad what for a grip newmann still has on my brain, i will just be going about my day and go: they wrote letters for 3 YEARS that's 36 months of letters, presumably not short either, also long enough to become a constant in each others life, only to then meet and the reality and difficulty of irl convos crashing in and them disliking eachother, spending 3 years with no contact to then getting assigned to the same shatterdome for 5 years, in which their research department dwindles and dwindles but they stay put, they stay together, probably form the weird kind of friendship you form when you are both scientists at the end of the world and survival depends on your numbers and your analysis, supporting each other in little ways, like reminders to eat and sleep... they still bicker, they still fight, but ultimatly they are still the one stable constant they have in the uncertainty of everything, and even if they don't show it, they care for each other and then the double event happens, they drift with a Kaiju and each other and then the world is saved, everything is layed out in the drift and they can rest, learn to live with each other without the pressure of war because a life without the other has become uninaginable, or so it seems, only for Newt to draw back, not noticable at first, but steadily, until he tells Hermann that he is going to Shao Industries and he leaves... 10 years of sparse contact... 10 years in which Hermann still keeps the picture of himself and Newt close... 10 years in which Newts mind is taken over by the Precursors... and still the one thing that brakes him out, the one thing that breaks the 10 year grip the hive mind has on him, if even just for a second, is seeing Hermann about to die by his own hands and not fighting him and and..... nghhhhhhhhhhdhdhshdhd
#the ghost rambles#long post#newmann#In the like 20 years they knew eachother newt spends half of it mind controlled let me just walk into the sun#and Hermann never stopped caring.... he never stopped.... nghhhhhhhh#all i want for them is silly little dinner dates and long walks around wherever they live...#newton recovery arc focs u r the only thing holding me together...#me at work like: 10 YERS. 10 FUCKING YEARS AAAAAAAAA 😭😭#AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE CANOICALLY CAN BE SAVED. WE DON'T KNOW. DMDJDLJDJDKD#fuck u uprising fuck u u r so bad why do u give me these feelings.#you are laughing; my boy lost 10 years of his life and you are laughing
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getting emotional thinking about britney spears…
#her life has truly been hell#like you can name ANY kpop idol and i guarantee you she’s been through worse#being controlled and abused by her whole family. having a miscarriage. being scrutinized by the whole world…#not to mention being sexualized since she was like 15#and then being villainized my justin and his weird ass🤦🏿♀️#i just feel so bad for her☹️#like imagine being one of the biggest pop stars in the world for YEARS#only to have your life reduced down to you being mentally ill😕#yk that one guy way back when who went viral for defending britney on yt?#yea that’s how im feeling right about now#LIKE JUST LEAVE HER ALONEEE😭#and another thing that’s pissing me off is all the people who are talking about how she got ‘replaced��#and that all her videos are AI generated#like damn bitches will see a woman show that she’s aged and js start losing it oh my days😭#anyways yeah fuck everybody else#no one could ever make me hate her🥹🫶🏿#ノ彡☆ [sumn to say] — text posts
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literally 1 review on etsy lowering my entire average from 5 stars to 4.9 and it like. shouldnt be there imo so im mad abt it
#97#like i cant do shit about it but.#someone left me a 1 star review bc their envelope got lost in the mail instead of contacting me#when i have a policy that i refund or replace lost orders#and then refused to have it refunded or replaced when i reached out??#so why are you giving me 1 star for someting out of my control that you dont even want me to fix#its soooo petty of me to fixate on but its. ONE review.#out ot 600+ which are nearly all 5 star 😭#and that singular 1 bad review changed my entire score. i had 5 stars up until getting it#(etsy has this 'star seller thing' where if you reply fast to messages send orders on time and get good reviews u get a badge)#(and like i have the badge dgmw but.)#(i have 100% fast replies 100% on-time shipping and im literally just 0.1 points from also having a perfect review score)#(and its this ONE SINGLE ONLY unwarranted bad review keeping me from it)#(what can i say im a completionist i wanna get perfect scores :( )#(++ idk how many more 5 star reviews im gonna need for it to balance my score back to perfect?)#(i think i may need to get several hundred perfect reviews to balance out one bad review)#i also get some 4 star reviews sometimes and im kinda sad that theres never a comment so idk what was wrong w it?#like if im perfectly satisfied w an order id leave 5 stars so i have to assume theres smthing missing but they never say#but yknow. 4 stars is still good
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