#anyways its ok its out of my control (but also i want to Fix Things So I Can Do Stuff)

[elegyofthemoon]

got my schedule!!!!!

IT IS INCOMPLETE !!!!!!!

[featherwurm]

I'm going to get a lot more personal on here than I usually do:

Baulder's Gate 3, and especially Karlach, make me feel seen in a way no price of media I've ever engaged with before has. It's a big reason why I love it and why it's sticking with me like it is. I too am a big, loud, enthusiastic woman who says out of pocket shit. I have a heavy internal dialogue with myself. I have a temper, I'm bisexual, I love cute shit. I endured years of being utterly touch starved. I love sex and food and being alive...

I also have cancer; it's Follicular B-Cell Lymphoma. I was diagnosed in 2020 when it had reached stage 3A. It's currently under control after chemo* and I'm living my life normally. But while it's a very treatable kind of cancer, it's not fully curable**. There's nothing in me they can remove (it's my whole lymphatic system that's broken) and no drug currently that can wholly knock it out. It's cause is not known (genetically or environmentally), and its unusual for this type of cancer to affect someone as young as I am (I was diagnosed at 35 - it's much more common 65+***). So every three months I go into oncology and they check my blood and symptoms and see if I'm doing ok. I get imaging and biopsies occasionally too. This will go on until I'm not ok (hopefully a long time yet). I'll have to have still manageable but more invasive treatment the next time around. It's a well researched kind of cancer, and my oncologist hopes that in the next decade there may be some more permanent cure for it.

So you can see where I'm going with this. When you hit Karlach's monologue after killing Gortash, I've never felt better understood. I have no one to blame for my condition, no revenge arc of course, but the very same fear, frustration, grief, and anger are all things my husband has heard from me. I've never seen a more beautiful and moving and real exploration of the topic that resonates with me so meaningfully out of a piece of fiction that I love. Béart's performance is amazing - capturing a whole spectrum of emotion.

Karlach's story is absolutely not incomplete as written, confirmed by both the devs and Sam Béart - a terminal condition is just that. You don't get to fix or save her, you get to go with her through tremendous trial and difficulty. If you want to continue that story in your mind that's great (I know I'm eager to do so, for my own personal encouragement if nothing else) but on it's own it's a whole story about coming to terms with something that doesn't have a quick and easy little fetch-quest resolution.

So - every time I see another whinging post/essay/bitchfest about how her story feels "unfinished" or "incomplete" or "has too much cut content" you can see why I might take it a bit personally - knowing that the life I have, the easy solutions I don't get, and the frustration and grief I live with is seen as incorrect and wrong and bad writing makes me a little pissed off. If you think the story is incomplete as told and think a 'third engine upgrade' is missing you completely missed the point.

Karlach doesn't get a simple easy ending because people like me**** don't get that either. And like my husband and the others who love me you can choose to follow that story anyway. And that's fucking beautiful.

*Yeah dealing with cancer and undergoing chemo during a pandemic was really a peach.

**XKCD hits the nail on the head here and here.

***Current treatments have good decade long prognoses... but saying 'you'll probably be fine for the next 10 years' is a lot different at 35 than it is at 65.

****And believe me I've heard from a lot of chronic/terminally ill folks who love the game for the way it represents these things and feel the same, with her Gale, and Shadowheart too.

[scaredycatqlt]

hey so how do you think Donnie rise would deal with having a s/o who is the common sense one of the couple? Like donnie over thinks and s/o is just like “sweetie. April’s just busy with work. She’s not avoiding you”. And s/o ends up being right. Or when he’s trying to fix something tech related and he goes over all the complicated variables and s/o is like “Have you tried putting it backwards?” He is none believing at first, but he puts it backwards anyway and suddenly the machine works and he laments in his head about classic donnie overthink. The times when he is right though s/o’s like “Fuck it up! I support you!”?

I like this idea. It’s an interesting dynamic to think about, especially considering how unhinged Donnie is…

Donnie X Logical! Reader [ROMANTIC]

Donnie usually has the most common sense out of all of his brothers, which honestly isn’t a lot. At all. It’s a very low bar to beat.

But you’re the voice of reason in the relationship. You may not be as tech smart as him, but you’re a hell of a lot more logical in other ways.

Donnie overthinks A LOT. So having a partner who’s reassuring and reasonable is something that he would benefit from immensely.

even if he puts up a bit of a fight first…

He doesn’t like the feeling of people being smarter than him. That’s HIS thing, HE’S the smart guy. So sometimes your tendencies annoy him.

He’s not really mad at you, more so mad at himself for not seeing how obvious it was.

His brothers appreciate you because you help calm him down. While he can never truly be tamed, you help keep him in line, in a way.

And the times you agree with him are the BEST.

As soon as you give him the ‘OK’ he is grinning like a maniac.

When you’re not there, he probably thinks ‘what would they do?’ And either do that or completely ignore that. He’s chaotic neutral you guys.

If you’re not with him when he needs advice, he also might just text you. You probably get random texts at ungodly hours of the night.

“Is it really that bad to test my weapons on my brothers?”

Seriously though, his brothers are big fans of you. You help him control his chaotic side. (And also a bit of his brothers too, bc duh.)

He’s not the most emotionally available in general..but he tries to express how he’s feeling further along in the relationship.

At first in the relationship he mainly brags and shows off WAY more than he used to. He wants to impress you.

And maybe hear you say your proud of him

ITS NOT JUST HIS DAD HE WANTS APPROVAL FROM OKAY??!!!

He definitely texts u a lot <33

You guys are a duo and bring out the best in eachother, that I can say with confidence.

Hope you liked these!!! They took like 40 mins to come up with 😭

[4dkellysworld]

hi kelly, i hope you’re doing well! i just wanted to share an observation i’ve had along this path:

everything always works out fine. like, always. things have happened before that were the opposite of what my character anticipated/desired, and at times it would completely throw me and i’d spiral, but eventually i’d realise my (as in my character’s) complete lack of control over the situation and i’d let it be. i’d let all the crap unfold however it wanted to. and every single time… it turned out fine. i clung to and ruminated over some of my biggest fears/"worst case scenarios" until i literally spoke them into existence (unintentionally, of course, and i definitely recommend you work on that habit if that sounds like something you do lol). each time, i panicked, felt devastated, questioned my abilities, blamed myself for "manifesting" it… until the emotion just exhausted me and i got bored of it. and then somehow i got through it. there was always a resolution. everything always turned out fine.

i don’t mean for this to sound like a manifestation related submission, but i thought it could reassure others to realise that Self truly is orchestrating it all. and you are that Self. it is just you. so even if the complete opposite of what you (character) want happens, even if it feels like it’s all gone wrong, just. let. it. happen. let life do its worst. in fact, lean in to the feelings. don’t fight them. that doesn’t mean marinate in them and prolong them and wallow in them, but let them wash over you until you feel defeated and give up resisting them. every single time, it’ll work out. trust me. trust Self. it literally reminds me of that song "let it all work out~~~" because seriously… LET IT… trust that it will because it ALWAYS will.

also, this is not any sort of technique. again, just an observation. like, it’s just kind of… life. lol. and the more i’ve gone through this, the more trust i’ve built in the process. so now when something happens that is not my preference (what i once desired is now not even that deep to me, so it only feels right to call it a preference instead, because it’s no longer this burning, insatiable longing but more so just like a "ye that’d be nice😄"), i just giggle and say ok. like, genuinely. and each time, it resolves/undoes itself faster and faster. i was having money issues yesterday because i realised that a loan that i thought i was entitled to, i wasn’t. today, i received hundreds of £s from a totally unexpected source. and i’ve now been made aware that i’m entitled to these hundreds of £s every month indefinitely. when my money issues arose yesterday, i cried, got angry, felt afraid… then remembered every time something like this happens, the universe (just Self) always has my back. i still felt natural "ego" worries arise occasionally because i literally had no plan as to what to do, but i saw that my characters options were limited and that i’d simply do what i could to get by and that ultimately it’d be ok. the very next day, *boom*. fixed.

oh, and just to add: this isn’t me saying that you can’t have your perfect life. you can. i’m not saying things will forever go wrong, you can have everything you desire and life can be blissful for you, of course. once you know your Self undoubtedly, the way you know now so undoubtedly that you have hands, you’ll be able to control/materialise/revise anything. of course. but it’s seriously the most backwards thing because… the further you get to reaching that point (ironically, there is no point to reach anyway. YOU ARE LITERALLY ALREADY THAT RIGHT NOW)… the less you care about it. the idea of living as Lara instead of Vanessa (can you tell i’ve been around since the days when Ada was still active, bless her heart) is what drew me into this journey initially because i had failed with loa again and again, but now, truly… even if Lara is a "preference" it’s in a fun, free way. like, hell ye, why not experience her now i know that i can? and if i get bored, i’ll just switch it up again. but really, Vanessa, Lara… they’re both equally insignificant, little characters in a play. and i love them both. even Vanessa, for all her chaos and sadness and shortcomings, i love her. lol.

with more and more practice, with more and more recognition through your own experiences that Self truly orchestrates this whole thing and never ever leaves you (because it is you), it all starts to make more sense. my words won’t mean much if you don’t apply what you’ve learnt, but ye… just wanted to share anyway. :)

truly, thank you kelly for being here throughout the year to post the occasional remix or journal entry. you’re how i know everything is one, because you would always post exactly what i was experiencing just as i needed it. i hope life is beautiful and kind for you. i know you don’t need the gratitude or praise, but seriously thank you. 💜

This was such a delightful read, thanks so much for sharing! What you described are things I've been through too, and still am. Yesterday I was pondering over the answer I gave on "manifesting" as I said it's opposed to dropping ego and I realized the clear distinction between conventional "manifesting" and what you described is the involvement of ego. The first comes from a state of lack that involves ego effort while the second comes from a state of surrender/letting go to Self and involves dropping effort and attachment etc (and for masters, the "manifestation" is simply just a part of life, like when God "desires" to do something, it isn't a desire from lack but a choice/intention made from a place of wholeness and joy to experience itself). So I do think that "manifesting" practice can play a part in Self-realization but it's important to be wary of how much ego is involved in the practice.

And yess I also have realized how important trust is when letting go. When I let go and knew or trusted that it would be taken care of, it really was, time doesn't matter, I just trust it is already taken care of and handled by Self/God and doesn't need my involvement and then it is. Earlier in my journey, when I didn't have trust and let go, I got more mixed results. The great thing is trust in Self/God (I don't really like giving it any label because the mind starts creating all sorts of definitions to it which are obv false and limited but it's hard to point to otherwise lol) builds up as you trust more and it really just starts becoming an automatic thing that works for you. This is an excerpt from Friendship with God that describes it perfectly.

Neale: And we need nothing more for our evolution than exactly what we have, and are experiencing, right now. God: Once more, you are correct. Neale: And if we don’t need anything, we don’t have to trust God. God: That is what I have been saying, yes. Neale: And when we don't have to trust God, then we actually can. Because trust then means not having to have a particular result, but rather, knowing that whatever results is for our highest good. God: You have brought it full circle. Bravo! Neale: The beauty of this is that not needing a particular result frees the subconscious mind from all thoughts about why you can't have a particular result, which in turn opens the path to the particular result which was consciously intended. God: Yes! You are able to put more things on automatic. When you face a challenge, you automatically assume that things will go well. When you face some difficulty, you automatically know that it will be handled. When you encounter a problem, you automatically understand that it has already been solved for you—automatically. You have created these outcomes, subconsciously. Things start to happen automatically, seemingly without any effort on your part at all. Life starts working. Things start coming to you, rather than you having to chase after them. This change occurs without conscious effort. Just as negative, self-defeating, self-denying thoughts about Who You Really Are, and what you can be, do, and have, were acquired subconsciously, so, too, are they released subconsciously. You don’t know how or when you picked up such ideas, and you won’t know how or when you dropped them. Life will simply and suddenly change for you. The time between your thinking a thought consciously and it being made manifest in your reality will begin to shrink. Ultimately, it will disappear altogether, and you will create results instantly.

I was initially drawn to this journey for the same reasons too (wanting to experience Lara) and it's more like I've gotten to the point where it's really not that important because it's really just the same even if it looks a little different. Everything is perfectly imperfect or imperfectly perfect lol. It's all Life, all of it.

And it's great you mentioned the emotions part because it's not something to fear or fight, it is a natural part of the experience of ego so they will come up, it's just a matter of having awareness of this and letting it be (or letting it go) and not feeding into it or getting lost in it (mentioning this as I think it's a common misconception that doing it 'right' on this journey means having a completely peaceful mind all the time with no emotions).

Lol I just realised my response is just going 'yes yes yes' to yours but really, my experience has been similar to what you described too. We truly are all One! I hope life is kind and beautiful to you too. It is for me now because that's how I choose to experience life now <3 (even when it seemingly is not, I just decide it is anyway because I'm not going to change my choice based on the everchanging dream)

[silverheartlugia2000]

DCXDP prompt

Ok, so there's plenty of Danny laying low or freaking out about the no meta rule, but I have this CRAVING of someone for once just explaining it to him? Like whoever bird or birds he's talking to just leans in and whispers "Wanna know a secret? That's mostly just a mind control precaution. I mean would you want to see Supes jacked up on fear gas? If the league do come over he prefers to be called first so he's close if something happens."   

Danny- "Oh... yeah that makes sense actually, that shit isn't fun to be under.."

"Wait is THAT why you have that string of robberies on your record?!"

"That and the time my whole town got possessed in order to make me look bad and get arrested.."

The bird then drags Danny into the cave to open Bruce's file on him, and they both sit down and fill in the gaps on the shadier spots of his record. Heck Danny eventually gives Bats a few thermoses and other less harmful but still disabling device blueprints to add to the contingency file cause even if Dan is in therapy and on probation he knows his shit luck will probably make it needed sooner rather than later and he knows how fast it will go bad.

It comes in very handy at the next gala when Vlad attempts to have a duplicate overshadow Bruce who refuses to take his business propositions. Vlad gets nosey before Danny pulls up his king rights and makes vlad take an Oath (the magic binding kind) to not mess with Bruce or his family or reveal any of their super identities to anyone at all. Constantine is there beforehand to read over the contract and outthink any loopholes before vlad can take advantage of them.

Danny gives them samples of ecto-dejecto for medical emergencies, the Bat's keep them refreshed and in stock especally after they meet Ellie and hear about her stability problems. With help from Frostbite and Danny's ok they start working on a more reliable formula just for Ellie's sake.

Yes Jason is calmer around the halfas and he is slowly stabilizing enough form a proper core from it, (not an instant fix this time!) whether hes becoming a true halfa, more towards a remnant, or both they arent sure. But one night when the phantoms arent around Jason is having a bad time, reacting from something he was hit with during a fight. Tim just grabs one of the ecto-pens on a whim and it just flushes out the toxin so fast Jay passes out. When he wakes up his core has had a good growth spurt, its still not complete yet but he's beginning to get some minor abilities, the Phantom sibs start coaching him before it gets strong enough for Jason to turn completely intangible and if Jay starts complaining? Clockwork whisks them ALL up to the tower for a home movie night of Danny's greatest fails. Grampa has a collection, good and bad XD. Yes Danny is cringing in shame while eating Clockwork's ecto cookies but Jason is slowly starting to understand the importance of getting the basics right cause he does NOT want to accidentally sink completely under the ground without being able to get back out no thank you!!

What core type would he get anyway? Shadow's like Johnny because of the stealth perks? Earth to prevent being buried again? Would he have literature as a secondary obsession cause obviously he's gonna follow Danny into the family/protection category but since Danny also has a space obsession why not?

He puts Jazz's name in the list of superhero safe therapists, the fact she's already making waves at Arkam is only boosting her reputation. Especially once they read her paper on ghost obsessions and how sometimes they are comparable to hyper-fixations in autistics in the way they both satisfy and promote healthy growth for a ghosts physical and mental state but also how being deprived of them or forced to go against them can be severely harmful to their literal health.

And that was one thing the birds kept tripping on to understand whenever they needed to bench one of the halfas but they would end up just hovering around NEEDING to be helpful no mater how much they are told to go back to bed. They also get a whole new understanding on what happened to Dan cause yeah his whole timeline is based on loosing his family and retaliating out of grief.

So from then on the halfas are allowed to help with little tasks as long as they do not strain their recovery at all. Whenever Danny gets sickly and depressed they take him up to the watch tower, Ellie gets lessons in different languages so she can interact more when they let her join them on international trips, Jason gets set loose in a newly discovered bookstore when the manor's or Bab's library isn't enough, and Dan.. they're still figuring him out but he seems to enjoy wrecking little play city set ups and games where you play as the monster like Godzilla or Rampage along with general ghost sibling rough housing. (Lilo and Stitch is his favorite movie but you'd be hard pressed to get him to admit it,)

As for ships, definitely anger management. Jason becomes an unofficial fourth Phantom sib. Platonic everlasting trio cause Danny loves his friends and they will pet him like a cat for hours while his tail coils around them possessively like a giant snake and still make memes of it when he's grumpy. Brain dead is fun also, especially if Danny or the others are capable of Little Baby Man form and Tim has to fight Damian for cuddle rights! Bats has his usual girls but hey superman isn't that bad to hang around either.

[kcalsforhim]

monday 25 november 2024 - 𐙚 ˚🍰 ⋆｡˚⊹❀˖°

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cals : ~900

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dinner : pokebowl with salad mix, cucumbers, carrots, edamame beans, avocado, chicken, spicy mayo dressing, nori seaweed seeds and sesame seeds.

dessert : teramisu cake but made out of biscoff lotus cookies... teehee

midnight overeating session / binge : 2 smoked salmon slices, a small serving of mashed potatos, half a cucumber, an apple, like 10 jelly straws, 3 pieces of candy...

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aha guys remember when i said i would go into binge recovery ? haha i failed. anyway i didnt fail nearly as bad this time, and i did cut myself once for every thing i overate... i just dont undersrand why i keep doing this lol but oh well. i talked with eli about it on a deeper level and i really began to think about it ;; im infact still thinking about it... but generally ive come to the conclusion that i need to stop centralising food so much in my life since its all i can think of.. i also want to go back to omad, and generally only not omad when i feel SICKLY and just go from there. i generally always feel like if im omad'ing i restrict better, the only cases not being when i feel siiiick to my stomach.. but then again... every time i felt sick from restricting so much... it kind of felt amazing too.. im also thinking of feeding my friend, specifically the one close to me since haku has been dieting for a long time and i dont want to overfeed him. generally i think it would be a good idea since i can dispose of food and still keep him happy... i just... really should focus on getting rid of all food that is appealing out of my life as well as just seeing it as fuel... i want to stop indulging so much... thats easier said than done... ive done alot of reflecting and honestly so far in november there has not been a single day where i felt proud of how i did, in comparison to october where i felt like i did great 90% of the days... omad is definently a good starting point, learning to say no more often... in general, food does not run away from me if i dont eat it, even in my own house. i struggle more with sweets than i do with salty stuff, im so afraid of it running away... but i need to stop being afraid... food is not my friend.. i shouldnt like it or indulge in it so much, it damages my progress and the guilt i feel after lasts for days if not weeks now... i really wish i could take controll of myself again.. but. i will. not give up, thats the last thing i want to do. in the grand scheme of things, one month of wasted time is not the end of it, i can pick myself up and i can always fix things and get back on track, i just have to keep trying and pushing... even if its hard or im having my moments where it feels like restricting is literally impossible, i have to keep trying... over... and over... and over... and over... and over... so ive kind of concluded on a few things i want to do moving forward

i want to generally try to restrict as much as i can, this is hard for me, because i actually very much enjoy food, but food is not my friend. i will try to omad as much as i can or just skip meals as much as i can.

avoid fast food places as much as possible from now on, if not all together, fast food places are packed with calories... making at home versions are ok... but i actually felt terrible the last few times and it never felt satisfying ?

stop drinking so many liquid calories...

FOCUS ON PORTION SIZES, i cannot stress this enough, dont try to fit every single last cal into what you can eat... focus on plating a satisfying amount except for plating how much you can eat (with an exception to vegetables).

today i also went out with my friend.. that was fun.. he got me some stuff which is always nice

some body checks i took.. im not very proud of what i look like, i feel like i could look so much better if only i actually tried my best...

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here is some BEAUTIFULL photo's i found online... this is waaay rather what id look like... and i should work harder from now on to get to that point...

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this song is nice and... kind of eery..

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[dead-rabbit-comics]

i have found the problems i was anticipating or maybe they have found me.

sidenote: was hoping this colour would be a little more olive and a little less military, i'll see what i can do about that. that'll be interesting.

anyways since everything was going very well i decided to change the tie-up to a satin - because i can weave that now!! exciting!!

as you can maybe tell from the photo, it works. but i have trouble with the last shaft, which wants to have its neutral position lower than everyone else. it's pulling down. i suspected this might be correlated with the cords of the last shaft/last treadle holes being taught, while all others have progressively more slack towards the front. so in rest position, these last cords are what hold the treadles up from the floor, the treadles rest on these cords, ergo the last shaft pulling down.

my non-weaving friend suggested yesterday that this might be an issue of me being perfectionistic and having reached a workable shed, to work with what i have achieved. that this tie-up may in fact be impossible to improve. however, i strongly feel it is not good enough to have a solution that: has a single treadle sticking up too high (making it difficult to operate) as well as a shed that is just barely workable. countermarch looms became widely used because they could do the exact thing i'm trying to do here (says allen fannin)

He also describes the issue i'm having quite nicely when talking about the balance required for the countermarch system and then he says this:

"[...] the weight of the treadles equalizes the pull on the ties to both the riser and sinker lamms, thereby canceling the resultant movement of a differential force between risers and sinkers."

when talking about how the treadles need be ≥ the weight of the harness.

overall i still don't feel like i quite understand. i suppose i can try taking out all the connections to the last shaft and see what happens. ok have tried that, 1 is still hanging low, 2 has joined it. uhm. conclusion?

the way i understand the countermarch system now, or try to picture it, is as a scale. the sinking and rising of each shaft is related to a piece of wood with a hole in the middle: when at rest, it should be horizontal. when you pull down on one end, the other rises and vice versa. to control this, both ends are attached to an upper and a lower lamm - one will raise the shed, one will lower it. which is pretty cool! because now you can make connections between these lamms and the treadles to store any combination of rising and sinking shafts. once i have done that tie-up, i can now step on the treadle, which will pull down the combination i have selected, which in turn brings up the remainder of the unconnected combination of lamms. yay, shed!

so anyways, i'm spending a lot of time sitting and staring and contemplating pivot points and feeling how much force it takes to lift pieces at different points and sighing a lot and generally feeling a little like the worlds dumbest creature. but we'll see.

in a way i am also happy to run into this issue, because if it just works, there's nothing to fix and i always feel like i don't really understand what's going on when that happens? i genuinely do prefer trying to work through issues rather than gliding along seamlessly (because that's where the learning happens yes, but also) because that is concrete, then the things i don't know take form and i can prod at their edges and try to get an idea of the shape of what i don't know. whereas if i'm unaware of not knowing something i certainly won't be able to do anything about it.

[marokra]

Thinking abt ur OCs u say?

You should ramble abt them!! :3 (if u want!!)

ok so!!!!!! gonna take this as an opportunity to introduce my blorbo Hui Bàolì (or Bàolì Hui. depends on if you are talking the english name order or the chinese name order. rule of thumb her chosen name is Hui) to tumblr proper!!!

i recently redesigned her and i’m actually pretty happy with how it looks so i’ll definitely be drawing her more often

please keep in mind the backstory (creation to be MK’s foil) is based on the vauge s5 spoilers i’ve seen (i haven’t watched the season yet) so it’s subject to change if it does not work with the storyline of the season at all

anyways more ramblings & transcribed text—bc my handwriting is awful and no sharpness adjustments can fix it—under the cut

EDIT 10/4/24: ive realized i misspelled nüwa as nawa in the info that got transcribed. however, im not changing the transcribed text to the correct spelling in order to provide an accurate transcription. im sorry, genuinely didn’t mean to misspell her name. i think i got it mixed up with auburnitzy’s oc nawa, their names are very similar

transcribed text time fuck yeahhhh

Top middle section

Hui Bàolì!

The Foil

Born from a similar stone to MK, Nawa created them as his foil in order to balance things out. She became Macaque’s daughter student after he saw her digging through the trash for food (and using shadow powers to make a shelter for himself)

Top right section

quite a bit younger than MK, in their mid-late teenage years

Top left section

Paralyzed tail, needs a cane to walk so they don’t lose their balance

Middle left section

s1-s2 Hui! yes she discovered her Monkie form (while on the streets. part of the reason Macaque took her in) she just doesn’t like using it around ppl she doesn’t know

Bottom section

uses her cane as a weapon in battle

(arrow pointing upwards to next bit)

has to support himself w/ shadows

TRANSCRIBED TEXT TIME OVER!!!

anyways its rambling time

- Hui uses any pronouns, but they prefer She/He/They

- gender? wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

- Hui “hatched” a few years later than MK, ending up homeless on the Megapolis streets soon after. most of her childhood was spent in the alleyways so she had to learn how to defend herself early, discovering her powers before she came into contact with Macaque. however, she had no idea how to properly control them

- after Macaque took her in, he taught her combat skills and how to control and use her powers. Along with that, he also taught them the art of shadow plays, and they were like “woahhhhh cool! this is going to be my motif for forever now!!!!” and Macaque was like “what” and then they started using their shadows as puppet strings to fling stuff into walls & control people’s movements on the regular

- yes he can see through that blindfold. no there is not a lore reason for him wearing it. he just thinks it’s fun

- when MK was training under Macaque he was constantly asking Hui questions abt it. he kept trying to talk to her but she wouldn’t budge at all because she knew what the end goal of all of this was, and even if it would be satisfying to watch his smile fade as he realizes a “friend” was in on the plot all along, they didn’t wanna bother. also bc they were a liiiiiittle jealous of MK. just a little

- Macaque is the only one Hui can properly open up to

- her puppeteer motif and identity, of course, caused very interesting showings of The Hero and the Warrior before MK started showing up and she decided to move backstage to make sure MK did not notice the Extremely Obvious And Identifying Magic Use that came from her assisting in the plays

- after Mayor comes in contact with Macaque, she starts panicking. she knew the bone demon would find him eventually but she didn’t expect it to be this soon—

- needless to say, she seeks out MK because they know he’s one of the few people who are aware of her existence. he of course is wary of her due to his past run-in(s) with Macaque and Hui. however he does agree to train with her at least once because a sparring partner would do her a world of good and also because he’s secretly relieved he’s not the only one who knows about LBD anymore

- said training session was the one in the s2 finale. oops! she’s being dragged along to save the world now. she feels so out of place (bc maybe she is. she has never been the hero type, too selfish and apathetic to even fit the bill for being a hero. it’s not worth trying to fit in with them.) that they basically hole themselves up in a spare room on the plane jet thingymabob until they crash underwater and have a heart to heart w/ MK in the prison cell

- she eventually gets more comfortable around them, but not comfortable enough to spill his guts obviously. he still does not trust them, and they feel like the others share the same sentiment. it’s not like they would spill their guts to anyone anyways. hiding behind a mask yippiiiiiie!

- regularly denies that Macaque is a parental figure for her. she is lying to herself. Hui pls get your shit together

- they get more comfortable with using their monkie form full time over the course of s3. its actually way more comfy for them compared to their stuffy human form

- s3 shenanigans. they’re so done with everyone here

- unfortunately for him, said s3 shenanigans had dragged him into the Main Character Friendgroup. woe is the one who gets found familied

- also unfortunately for him, being dragged into the Main Character Friendgroup had caused them to be thrown into the ink scroll alongside Mei and MK because MK contacted Hui thinking he’d know something about what happened. they did not, in fact, know

- girl please you can’t keep collecting trauma like pokémon cards HUI YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE FOIL. STOP PULLING AN MK HERE. HUI

- aroace everything repulsed king. who needs romance when you have The Horrors

- Hui is rivals with one of my other ocs, RC (full name Realm Chaser). they’re a “demon” who has the power to travel across realms by will and teleport (they’re not a demon, they’re actually a Realm Hopper, which is a species that my friend @starboundsingularities created!!!!! this is only scratching the surface of the realm hopper/watcher (not mcyt watchers) lore he came up with but i’m not explaining it here bc itll be like 5 blocks of text and it’s not my concept to begin with, i just borrowed it for RC)

- ADORES Bai He. Hui had never been great with kids, but when she ran up to him and Macaque shortly after being unpossessed begging for self defense lessons because their powers and fighting skills were so cool and she wanted to know how to do that, how to protect herself, Hui decided that maybe it would be worth trying to be good with kids, just this once

- his hair clips are meant to mirror macaque’s 6 ears

- her and MK’s duo name is Sunstone Duo! MK being the sun and Hui being the stone even though technically both of them are the stone but MK didn’t know he was a monkie when he came up with the name and it’s too late to change it now

- eats rocks

[cttrajan1206]

hi!! im here to ask about your ocs!!

first of all i would like to say PLEASE read the shadows house manga if you werent planning on it already...! youll get so much more that wasnt offered in the anime since it cuts off at season 2 , its just so good.. SO GOOD ok. ok

about astral and anjem!

i know you said you dont have all the details worked out so its ok if you dont have an answer to any of this atm!

could you talk a bit more about their dynamic/relationship, if you have anything else you wanna say?

what are their goals in the house? are they pursuing roles within relief team, starbearers, etc? are they wanting to get invited?

how good is astral at controlling his soot power? do you think its likely any of his experimenting on anjem could go wrong + how would he react, would he be able to fix it?

love ur ocs :}

WAAA HELLO?? i never original post ever so i was really surprised and excited when you reblogged it saying you'd read it later - AND NOW IN MY INBOX TOO? WAAAA.... >O<

But waa ok ok so! Funny enough, @tsukiomoon was over at my house and convinced me to read Shadow House (having watched the anime) while we were at a bookstore. I'd already glanced at it a few times over the years so I was. Very easy to convince tbh djdhfjf So I actually began with reading the first two volumes!! Then after that, I was thoroughly hooked so we proceeded to binge the entirety of it together in two days. That said, I'd love to read the manga. I'm debating on it because the official translation -> scanlation currency exchange is not in my favour ToT but I think I like it enough to bear through it, the anime missed a few scenes from even just the first two volumes after all.

Onto the ocs!!

Dynamic/relationship: This is a fun one. I've mentioned they both very much love each other already, I think at first they're both very superficial about it and build up versions of each other in their head (Astral even moreso having known longer). It gets deeper as time goes on but Astral isn't obssessed with Anjem just as a person, but also for his quality of being human. Anjem is similar likewise but there's a mighty power imbalance there.

Astral is actually also a special shade! He remembers before morphing. He's probably the worst one to do so though because he doesn't really care about the Shadow House - not when it gives him license to not only have Anjem to himself, but also such close access to humans. To him, the memories just give him a clearer understanding if the Faces' limits. He gets very annoyed with seeing others treat their living dolls badly and will pick fights about it or ask Anjem to give them recompensary gifts to them.

Anjem I'm less clear on... He's bad at cleaning but Astral doesn't mind particularly (and also doesnt produce enough soot for it to be a problem). The rigid structure of his life gives him comfort in its reliability but he does often long for some of the luxuries Shades get. Like nice clothes and better food. He doesn't like coffee though haha. I don't think either of them ever realise the brainwashing thing bc Anjem's too picky and never fully swallows the coffee anyway, sometimes vomiting it out. He still gets the effects partially though

Goals: I think Astral does want to escape the House eventually - he doesn't care too much for getting everyone else out, he just wants to find more and more humans and learn everything he can about them. Anjem I haven't decided too much yet. He knows Astral's goal and wants to be there with him to see it too, to travel the world, but I think he'd be scared of taking that step.

I think he wants to see his siblings again, one last time

Roles: Oop... Astral's power is very good for healing wounds so technically the relief team would be good for him but I personally wouldn't put him in a room with so many humans in it XD He keeps his power very downlow but regardless, I think he'd have made his way into the relief team. He's their bigger advocate on training to treat dolls better.

Anjem wanted to be in the research team instead but, as a Face, he has to tag along and look pretty

Power: At first Astral was pretty bad at controlling his power. He doesn't have blood himself after all, it was very unknown territory. In fact, the only way he Did grow better at it was When his experiments on Anjem failed. They could be very dangerous failures too, in case his soot clogged a vein or he clotted uo the wrong part or forced it to produce too much blood. In his panic to fix it, he tended to reflexively reverse whatever he'd done and so far, though there have been catastrophes, Anjem hasn't died. There was a time when Astral stopped his heart but that's whatever, he's immensely better at controlling them now. He doesn't frequent the training room (especially since his powers require blood), but instead has perfected his powers through practice in his room. He does also keep a few vials of blood he requests from the relief team that uses to practice with at times.

He prefers it best when it's with Anjem though :)

There was once, when the brainwashing had worn off more, where Astral fucked up. In attempting to heal a wound on Anjem's wrist, he accidentally sped up the production of the blood and it poured everywhere, spilling out faster than healthy. Anjem, wide eyed and afraid that this time, he was going to die, scrambled away from him screaming. He tried to run away but the pain was blinding him so much he could barely concentrate. Nothing Astral said could convinve him to calm down, and the last thing he saw before passing out was Astral roughly grabbing at his arm.

Astral was able to stop the blood, working with this as an experiment to control his area of effect, and sealed the wound. He bandaged it up and treated it with care, pressing a careful kiss of regret on the bandage and on Anjem's hand, the black mark staining his skin.

Anjem woke later in his box. He was afraid and angry and upset. He didn't talk to Astral for a full week, only interacting with him as a Face. Astral was heartbroken by this and apologised many times. They made up finally, after Astral stopped him from cleaning and held his hands, about to apologise again, when suddenly Anjem lifted the shade's hands and pressed a kiss to each.

"I'm tired of this. I miss speaking with you. I forgive you, so stop apologising every time I enter a room."

That mended things but going forward, Astral started getting external vials until he was better at his control.

Tidbits!

Astral likes his name but also wants to be separate from it. In private, he asks Anjem to call him "Aster" as a similar compromise. Anjem means "star" in arabic - he named his Face to match the name he preferred :)

Anjem is mostly good at reading Astral's emotions but they have a system of handsignals and body language to indicate the faces they want to make.

I've been thinking on them and their age awhile. I hadn't noticed when I made them that adults get finer clothes than the chikdren but I refuse ti change my design, I'm attached </3 I think they're similar to Barbara and Maryrose - old but still in the children's wing by virtue of not being given an invitation

This is partly due to Anjem's scar but mostly due to Astral's refusal to be useful outside of the bare minimum (this is not a noble thing, he's lowkey just lazy)

Oh my god I wrote a lot sdjbhf

Yeah!! That's them! That's my boys. I'm thinking of making a couple more too - I want to explore the idea of someone using their Face to hide disguise their real emotions

Thank you so much for asking 😭 it means the world to me and got me to think about them more

As an extra, have a doodle of Anjem's second sight of Astral:

[miko-but-twisted]

Magic Eyes!Yuu HC part1

Ok folks , as promised, here's the Magic Eyes!Yuu stuff you asked !! Hope you will enjoy, it might be one of my favorite homemade AU so far! Don't forget this is only my interpretation. As long you give me credit, feel free to use this AU as you like. I will also use a gender-neutral Yuu . Let's cut things short first: here's the link for the very BASIC IDEA/DRAFT. Today I will add more stuff . Still basic info , but with more context (I hope)!!

----------------

First of all: I will use the last point I mentioned in my previous post-> The idea of Yuu/Mc's lineage being from Twisted Wonderland, but because of stuff, they were yeeted out into a magicless world where their magic eyes were dormant and have no idea they have it for their whole life until they got yeeted back into TWST

Whatever happened and who their family is is something I will reveal in the near future, don't worry ovo

What's really important rn is how they reacted the first time their Magic Eyes activated

For the sake of this exemple, and also because i really like the idea, I will name those eyes Magic Eyes of Magic Perception (remember Lucario's aura sensing powers in pokemon movie 8 ? That's basically it) They can see people and everything else just fine, but everything magical has an aura around it. AND THEY ARE CONFUSED A HECK

Magic Eyes!Yuu: Ok , do you know you have a ... reddish aura around you ? Ace: I have no idea what you are talking about. Unless that's your way to say I am dashing ? Magic Eyes!Yuu: Not at all, but thank you for confirming I may have become crazy.

Note that each person's aura has a different color, but as long they don't have blot, it stays bright .

At first , they couldn't control it properly. It always activates on its own and when it does, it makes their eyes itch and burn to feel Not even eyedrops from good ol' Sam shop can help them ;;;;; Hopefully, with time (between Azul OB and chapter 4), they fixed the issue and can control its activation anytime they want.

Long story short, Magic eyes are a concentrated amount of nerves/circuits in the retina that produce energy/light, then become a sigil in the person's eyes. However, it leaves a burning/itching sensation. In Yuu's case, it starts like a little dot in the pupil and then grows bigger and more elaborate every time it activates until its final form

They keep it a secret from everyone, not even Grim, Crowley or the Ramshackle Ghost knows they have it. It's only after Riddle's Overblot they split the milk to the Braincell gang

Because OH BOI Yuu SAW WEIRD THINGS BEFORE IT ACTUALLY HAPPEN Such as Riddle's Aura becoming darker every time they see him. At first, Yuu thought it was only their imagination (like this whole aura thingy to be honest) But when Riddle's aura darkened during the duel in LIVE, they had cold sweat

Anyway I digress

Of course, no one knows what's going on with theirs eyes. And no one is smart enough to ask a teacher of course. Trein would have been a good choice in the matter...

Lilia and Malleus, however, seem to suspect something...

But the ones who seem to REALLY know what's going on are the little fairies👀

TO BE CONTINUED....

---------------

AND done! I hope you liked it! I must say that out of the MANY AU I have made so far, this one is my favorite. Close next to Janitor!Yuu After this I have planned a whole lore: starting from the origin of the Magic Eyes, to the event that led Yuu's in the non-magic world and even more! My brain is bubbling with ideas! Until next time, have a nice day/night!

PS: sorry for any grammatical error!

[pup-pee]

OOHHH do you think they're opposites?? I'm trying to think about their personalities rn... I can't decide. I do think their voice/sense of humour is the same tho:0 and it does depend what version of batman we're talking about

tldr; i have no idea if u meant techno or c!techno bc i meant c!techno anyways c!techno can b batman, i dont think batman can b c!techno

theres a lot kf rambling below

SO IN FAIRNESS!! again have not seen a lore stream in YRS & ALSO most of the batman im reading is from the 90s so like thats a time an era

so similarly!!! they do have like similar actions? theyre both way more violent than the rest bc they believe its the only way 2 get through ALTHOUGH they try 2 only use it when necessary

like brrr but uhh they also have vry different ideals? c!techno SRRY IM TALKING ABOUT CANON I DIDNT LIKE DIFFERENTIATE @ ALL c!techno has a vry different view of how 2 igg “make peace” than batman does

like batman wants 2 established a higher authority 2 control but hes trying rlly hard 4 them not 2 b corrupt like so hard god hes trying & techno,,,,is like the opposite of that

while i said they both dont kill if necessary, techno still WILL kill & yk thats like kinda hehhhhhhhhhh like mayb a big moral line but also EVERY1 IN DSMP was ready 2 kill so i dont think this point means anyyythingg

THE THE HUMOR THO? i can see it. kinda? i feel like this is embarrassing 2 say but i dont think batman would b the 2nd worse thing 2 ha

MAYBE IM LOOKING @ THIS WRONG BC techno as batman fits way more???? 4 some reason???? like jesus im rambling okHHHHHH

c!techno as batman makes sense

batman as c!techno does not,,,,4 some reason

i literally wrote all this 2 explain that i feel stupid ok welp whatever

i rlly dont read batman LIKE I RLLY DONT KNFACT I TRY 2 AVOID BATMAN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE like out of personal preference of???? idk

like im lretty sure the last thing i read was him running away 2 go think & brood alone while his sons worried back home lol

shit if ur talking about like movie batman or any more modern take then i think ur right

im just stuck jn this time whefe hes still HEAVILY grieving & its not a rlly good look skjfkskgkkgk

this is y i dont do essay/analysis type stuff i usualky regret what i write bc im thinking but dont go back bc i think the thought process is fun,,,but its long skjfks

my dumbasbrain bing like hava yes if im talking about techno its gonna b the c!techno w/out specifying wooooooo like wth

listen i havnt had 2 Differentiate  in SOO LONG AAHHH yeah im not fixing thag word brrr

[rat-prophetess]

10 and 9 from the pathologic ask game!

Ty!! :D

9- I think the only thing that stresses me out in terms of mechanics is the feeling that there's probably some important side quest/interaction/piece of information that didn't show up in the quest log or letters that I just totally forgot about. Also the fucking rats. I just want to catch you and put you in my pocket so I can bet on you in a race later! I love you stop trying to eat me! please you are such a small target to hit I just bought these boots.

10- !!! Everything! For so many reasons! I think overall it's just that it felt very familiar from the beginning.

[OK this might be long and somehow both tmi and boring at the same time, so uh feel free to skip.] *Shockingly*, I'm sure, I am in fact Officially Mentally Ill™ and my personal depression has a lot of dissociative symptoms attached. Unfortunately I grew up in a house where We Don't Believe In Mental Illness, so I spent a lot of years feeling absolutely nothing and just wandering around in this fog feeling like my body was just a marionette kind of moving on its own while I just watched and couldn't do anything about it. I was told that I was perfectly normal and there was nothing wrong with me at all (because if we all just pretend hard enough...) so I thought that was just it. If there's nothing wrong with me then there's nothing to fix and this is just how it is on this bitch of an earth, c'est la vie pas le paradis, etc. Life is just tracing the same paths over and over and nothing changing except that it kept falling apart and getting worse. I felt totally cut off from the rest of humanity because I didn't feel like a real person in the same way that everyone else was a real person.

Do you see where I'm going with this lolll. being dropped into Patho classic and feeling like there's just. something a little bit off all the time and no one else seems to notice it. The buildings are the wrong size inside; everything feels kind of artificial, like it might just be a stage set; sometimes you have the same conversations over and over. You trace the same routes day after day, and it really does feeling like being blood moving through a vein, and meanwhile everything is deteriorating around you. The characters are horrified and frustrated to learn that they're just dolls and feel helpless and like they have no control over their own actions or fates. So I was like HEY SHE'S JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!! <333 They get me <3

It's always a relief to find a piece of art that makes you feel genuinely understood. Any experience/idea/belief that you have no way of communicating is really isolating, but as soon as someone else gives it a name or an image or a narrative form, it suddenly feels like a real shared human experience. It's like learning the word тоска and realizing oh, my language doesn't have a word for that feeling but there is a word for it! That's validation, babeyyyy! The whole game is like that. Also I'm v attached to the characters now. None of them are even a little ok at any time. <3 I love them. Everyone in the town is either queer, kind of fucked-up, or queer AND kind of fucked-up. High School Friend Group Simulator right there.

Ok sorry probably none of that makes sense bc it's almost 3am but uh. Good thing we're all used to reading long, cryptic dialogue that might be pretentious and makes no sense! It's thematic! Anyway I'll shut up now.

[bloos-bloo]

I’m feeling brave today

I got a few bones to pick about this whole thing. So lemme give you all my thoughts about Ranboo's apology:

First of all, I think this was a way better statement and apology. From the first stream, I didn't see an issue with it until I started thinking about it. I'm glad it was readdressed appropriately. I also see where he was coming from, and it's true. The people who do need to hear what he has to say about racism won't tune into the stream because they won't want to hear it. They want to believe that they're good and perfect and nobody will ever hurt them.

What did bother me was the fucking chat. It's something that Ranboo can't control, but holy fuck. You guys literally did what he said not to. YOU DIDN'T LISTEN. HELLO?? ARE YOU OK IN THE HEAD? I literally saw someone put RanbooTalk?? Quit your shit. Yes, he's talking about racism, yes it's the blm fist. BUT THERE'S A TIME AND PLACE?? I had to close chat because it's the damn hearts all over again. You guys were busy CHATTING and not LISTENING. Get your shit together and be like the others who lurked or LISTENED.

Anyways, if you're mad that this stream was on National Ranboo day. Get out. Leave. THERE'S A TIME AND PLACE AND NOW WAS NOT THE TIME. It was the best day to do it. ITS ABOUT THE COMMUNITY. They didn't mention the Discord, but at least it was acknowledged that there were topics missed. Not a lot of creators stay on their socials 24/7. And somethings do get buried when it's massed mentioned. At least it will get talked about soon, as they said.

I do find this apology to be genuine. It's so much better, and I do accept it. Ranboo did a better explanation and cleared up miscommunication/bad actions. But who should be apologizing is Bootwt. You guys aren't better. You're as bad as the rest. Get a grip on your ego and FUCKING ADMIT IT. You're the reason why the community got worse, fix. it.

I originally posted this on twt, but again, I felt brave. Some of the blogs here need to chill out too.

[bichitosdecolores]

i just finished totk and a link between wolds and i have thougths.

under the cut. (ill put a little spoiler warning when nessesary)

this ran out of my control so beware a really long post down there

a link between wolds first

ok okokokok. so. this is the greatest game of all time. the concept of link turning unidimensional its the most unique and cool ive seen in a zelda game. the puzzles are so cool and exploring the world(s) its so much fun.

also skyward swords its usually said to be the one that broke the zelda formula but albw also did. you can solve the dungeons in any order you want and get the items for a weird little creature (aka my new favorite character) with rupees at any time in the game.

i also loved the story. spoilers start here

This was my seventh zelda game and its definitely not my favorite story wise. BUT. the concept of it its so interesting. the twisted hyrule aka lourde its great and also hilda aka evil zelda its so interesting as well as ravio aka the weird link its the greatest reveal ive seen in a zelda game. and the twist of hilda being behind all the evil plan also surprised me.

another thing i found really interesting its the fact that the triforce its completed by the end of the game and Link and Zelda get to make a wish. because this is a concept that its been established in a lot of the games ive played but ive never actually seen it happening (i suppose its because of the downfall timeline or whatever).

spoilers end here

ill say the only thing i didnt love about the game is its difficulty. ive only played another 2d zelda game (links awakening) but in comparison this one its too easy. i died a total of 2 times, one of them in the final boss (which is a really cool fight btw). so yeah, kinda easy but not really a complaint.

totk time

man. what do i say about this game.

i didnt love botw and i usually dont like 3d games. but i guess i cannot longer say that because i love totk. its so fun and big (how does it run in the swich).

also playing totk made me appreciate botw more. its so cool how even without the main story both games tell a different story and how besides link being almost and avatar he gets to have so much story, growth and personality. In botw link is almost always alone, literally only accompanied by the ghost of his past. while in totk a lot of npc recognize him, help him and just are there with him. also hyrule tell its own story; in botw its almost a post apocalyptic (ex) kingdom. npcs are always in tiny towns, and the few that leave are scared and in danger. and everything its destroyed, gannon its trapped in the castle and theres no hope for the kingdom. but the in totk they are rebuilding!. i have never been this emotional about a bunch of npcs as i am with totk/botw once. they go out to explore and treasure hunt!. there is a school!, a newspaper!. they know zelda and link and hyrules story!. they let link sleep and gives him weapons and food whenever for free!.  im not crying i promise (lie).

and the amount of storytelling that theres is the world alone its insane. i get sad everytime i catch some poes because they are the souls of the fallen hyrule warriors and people from before botw.

now lets talk about link (again) and zelda because they had taken over my mind. link and zelda from botw failed. thats the whole point of the story. they failed the first time, they couldnt save their friends, their kingdom, they didnt defeat ganon, link couldnt defend zelda. so then 100 years latter they have to fix it and save what is left of the kingdom they couldnt protect. botw its so sad. even when they win, the kingdom its still broken and they friends are still gone.

then in totk they do everything they can to help the new hyrule, and when it its in danger again, they fight. in botw, i like to think most of the time link will be running in the wild (dah), camping alone, then go and defeat gannon on his own (the champions help but they are ghost and it was their duty anyways). and then, in totk the very first thing link does after living the sky its go to the fortress (idk its name) where there is people willing to help, then he go and travel finding and helping people on its way. they want link, the hero, to help them fight this monsters, because its gives them hope. he goes to see his friends and they willingly help him. they don't have to risk their lives but zelda asked them to help link and of curse they will. they trust him. he is their friend, and they wont let him be alone.

now a little bit of spoilers

when link goes to the castle, expecting to fight ganandof alone and then the sages show up and deflect the attack i almost cried. then at the end of the game when link loose contact with them and still goes in alone and they show up again.  im...  ;-;

and zelda!. my girl fought so much and she was alone for so much more i want to give her a hug. when she gets turned back to human and she says she was sure she would be gone (a dragon) forever... ;-;

end spoilers

now lets talk about that final fight.

damn, what a good fight. i was there for so long (my fault for getting there with 3 hearts and no food), but we did it and it was amazing.

ok thats it. in conclusion a link between worlds its almost as good as links awakening but im going to say its my new favorite zelda game because it deserves so much more love that it gets. also cook some food before you go to end game, believe me youll need it.

[levulosandcolore]

Are you sure he didn't got peckish? *laughs nerviously*

Ok so I am a book fan. I do not find it in me to believe Aziraphale would be willing to take charge of heaven. Aziraphale the same angel who has been avoiding heavenly tasks for millennia? Seriously? That Angel is a B*tch and I love them that way!

Therefore NO, THEY WOULD NEVER TAKE CONTROL OF HEAVEN. Unless it is for a TV show (?)

I don't care about those comments saying Aziraphale is "silly" or just too pure to believe whatever heavenly trash. He is definitely far more clever and will pretty much LIE TO GOD!

I understand this is the TV show and it has its own "logic" and ambitions but still. Along the story Aziraphale was using the word "WE" until he proposes this:

"Come with me to heaven. I'll run it, you can be my second in command"

It strikes me as a politician talking to a potential ally more than a couple of beloved friends who have been EQUALS since the very beginning of time.

Of course the dialogue continues "WE can make a difference" but now it seems part of the catch. Why would he even imply to be on top of everything even Crowley? (all shenanigans aside). If you really meant to change things then why keep hierarchy?

It also triggers me a little because Aziraphale controlled all the "guests" in order to get his ball the way he wanted, clearly he has done it before and will do it again but this time it felt different (?)

I've seen it somewhere before, the angel soldier whose mind gets expanded and out of love decides to "fix heaven" but SPOILER ALERT! goes wrong very easily

Hmm it's true I got all messed up by other TV shows and I don't know yet how I feel about this fic Good Omens S2. I guess it's because I wanted comedy and wasn't really expecting all this drama.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME

Why did you make Aziraphale power-hungry? He even controlled people… doesn’t seem like him

I don't think of Aziraphale as power-hungry at all.

[euphoricdr3ams]

There’s many things that don’t make sense to me in this healing journey.

1. The idea of we’re all here to support you. I know you are but what I really just want is for ppl to just fix it and resolve it for me. But they can’t. No one can.

2. What’s the purpose of feeling any feelings if the end results is to just accept it and say “it is what it is”. What is the reason behind it ? It’s not present to go through or think about the past.

3. If I make it through all this as some ultimate healed version of myself or whatever. There’s no guarantee that my life will be better. I could still end up in the same situation with my walls as tall as the sky and my fortress protected. For the same ain’t shit person. With a new name but same personality to come in and destroy everything. So what would be the purpose of building the wall. People are just going to take and steal and sneak their way it. Like why bother with all that. Sure maybe you’ll get ward away the worst of the worst but you have no guarantee. Then you’ll be just as destroyed as the last person who did that to you

4. Time heals all. Yes but is it really healing or are we all just waiting for the days to go by and get so distracted with everything else that we no longer give a shit anymore. Like just cuz the days go by doesn’t indicate any sort of growth it’s literally just the days the seasons and the weather going. So what exactly are we healing.because if we were all backed into that same corner again we would be just as upset as if it was yesterday or whatever you’re healed from still keeps you up at night.

I think we’re all just gaslighting ourselves and are suffering under the foot of capitalism. Capitalism only solution is fix it yourself, it is what it is, and the time heals all. That’s its only solution to these problems. Truly engaging with the concept and the idea of “you’re not ok” is dangerous and life threatening. Cuz what happens after.

You break.

You can’t afford to break when there’s bills to be paid.

You can’t afford to break if you are given an advantage in life

How dare you have a break?

You need to control your emotions

But also feel all your emotions so you can heal.

What is it then ?

Cuz if I heal then I’ll just be surrounded by ppl who aren’t and then what. Live in isolation or spend years trying to find a community of ppl who are healed.

Honestly right now it’s fuck that.

I rather live in my delusions and just ignore everything. That’s what everyone else is doing anyway. The get wrapped up in tv music men career. Did they ever take a second to think about their trauma? Maybe 4 out of the 10 but most probably not. They just got so distracted with everything else that it basically blocked out and pretended as if it never happened. That’s what’s worked in the past for me so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. And even if it breaks.

Who cares

Everyone else is a liar anyway