#anyways its ok its out of my control (but also i want to Fix Things So I Can Do Stuff)

[elegyofthemoon]

got my schedule!!!!!

IT IS INCOMPLETE !!!!!!!

[featherwurm]

I'm going to get a lot more personal on here than I usually do:

Baulder's Gate 3, and especially Karlach, make me feel seen in a way no price of media I've ever engaged with before has. It's a big reason why I love it and why it's sticking with me like it is. I too am a big, loud, enthusiastic woman who says out of pocket shit. I have a heavy internal dialogue with myself. I have a temper, I'm bisexual, I love cute shit. I endured years of being utterly touch starved. I love sex and food and being alive...

I also have cancer; it's Follicular B-Cell Lymphoma. I was diagnosed in 2020 when it had reached stage 3A. It's currently under control after chemo* and I'm living my life normally. But while it's a very treatable kind of cancer, it's not fully curable**. There's nothing in me they can remove (it's my whole lymphatic system that's broken) and no drug currently that can wholly knock it out. It's cause is not known (genetically or environmentally), and its unusual for this type of cancer to affect someone as young as I am (I was diagnosed at 35 - it's much more common 65+***). So every three months I go into oncology and they check my blood and symptoms and see if I'm doing ok. I get imaging and biopsies occasionally too. This will go on until I'm not ok (hopefully a long time yet). I'll have to have still manageable but more invasive treatment the next time around. It's a well researched kind of cancer, and my oncologist hopes that in the next decade there may be some more permanent cure for it.

So you can see where I'm going with this. When you hit Karlach's monologue after killing Gortash, I've never felt better understood. I have no one to blame for my condition, no revenge arc of course, but the very same fear, frustration, grief, and anger are all things my husband has heard from me. I've never seen a more beautiful and moving and real exploration of the topic that resonates with me so meaningfully out of a piece of fiction that I love. Béart's performance is amazing - capturing a whole spectrum of emotion.

Karlach's story is absolutely not incomplete as written, confirmed by both the devs and Sam Béart - a terminal condition is just that. You don't get to fix or save her, you get to go with her through tremendous trial and difficulty. If you want to continue that story in your mind that's great (I know I'm eager to do so, for my own personal encouragement if nothing else) but on it's own it's a whole story about coming to terms with something that doesn't have a quick and easy little fetch-quest resolution.

So - every time I see another whinging post/essay/bitchfest about how her story feels "unfinished" or "incomplete" or "has too much cut content" you can see why I might take it a bit personally - knowing that the life I have, the easy solutions I don't get, and the frustration and grief I live with is seen as incorrect and wrong and bad writing makes me a little pissed off. If you think the story is incomplete as told and think a 'third engine upgrade' is missing you completely missed the point.

Karlach doesn't get a simple easy ending because people like me**** don't get that either. And like my husband and the others who love me you can choose to follow that story anyway. And that's fucking beautiful.

*Yeah dealing with cancer and undergoing chemo during a pandemic was really a peach.

**XKCD hits the nail on the head here and here.

***Current treatments have good decade long prognoses... but saying 'you'll probably be fine for the next 10 years' is a lot different at 35 than it is at 65.

****And believe me I've heard from a lot of chronic/terminally ill folks who love the game for the way it represents these things and feel the same, with her Gale, and Shadowheart too.

[scaredycatqlt]

hey so how do you think Donnie rise would deal with having a s/o who is the common sense one of the couple? Like donnie over thinks and s/o is just like “sweetie. April’s just busy with work. She’s not avoiding you”. And s/o ends up being right. Or when he’s trying to fix something tech related and he goes over all the complicated variables and s/o is like “Have you tried putting it backwards?” He is none believing at first, but he puts it backwards anyway and suddenly the machine works and he laments in his head about classic donnie overthink. The times when he is right though s/o’s like “Fuck it up! I support you!”?

I like this idea. It’s an interesting dynamic to think about, especially considering how unhinged Donnie is…

Donnie X Logical! Reader [ROMANTIC]

Donnie usually has the most common sense out of all of his brothers, which honestly isn’t a lot. At all. It’s a very low bar to beat.

But you’re the voice of reason in the relationship. You may not be as tech smart as him, but you’re a hell of a lot more logical in other ways.

Donnie overthinks A LOT. So having a partner who’s reassuring and reasonable is something that he would benefit from immensely.

even if he puts up a bit of a fight first…

He doesn’t like the feeling of people being smarter than him. That’s HIS thing, HE’S the smart guy. So sometimes your tendencies annoy him.

He’s not really mad at you, more so mad at himself for not seeing how obvious it was.

His brothers appreciate you because you help calm him down. While he can never truly be tamed, you help keep him in line, in a way.

And the times you agree with him are the BEST.

As soon as you give him the ‘OK’ he is grinning like a maniac.

When you’re not there, he probably thinks ‘what would they do?’ And either do that or completely ignore that. He’s chaotic neutral you guys.

If you’re not with him when he needs advice, he also might just text you. You probably get random texts at ungodly hours of the night.

“Is it really that bad to test my weapons on my brothers?”

Seriously though, his brothers are big fans of you. You help him control his chaotic side. (And also a bit of his brothers too, bc duh.)

He’s not the most emotionally available in general..but he tries to express how he’s feeling further along in the relationship.

At first in the relationship he mainly brags and shows off WAY more than he used to. He wants to impress you.

And maybe hear you say your proud of him

ITS NOT JUST HIS DAD HE WANTS APPROVAL FROM OKAY??!!!

He definitely texts u a lot <33

You guys are a duo and bring out the best in eachother, that I can say with confidence.

Hope you liked these!!! They took like 40 mins to come up with 😭

[silverheartlugia2000]

DCXDP prompt

Ok, so there's plenty of Danny laying low or freaking out about the no meta rule, but I have this CRAVING of someone for once just explaining it to him? Like whoever bird or birds he's talking to just leans in and whispers "Wanna know a secret? That's mostly just a mind control precaution. I mean would you want to see Supes jacked up on fear gas? If the league do come over he prefers to be called first so he's close if something happens."   

Danny- "Oh... yeah that makes sense actually, that shit isn't fun to be under.."

"Wait is THAT why you have that string of robberies on your record?!"

"That and the time my whole town got possessed in order to make me look bad and get arrested.."

The bird then drags Danny into the cave to open Bruce's file on him, and they both sit down and fill in the gaps on the shadier spots of his record. Heck Danny eventually gives Bats a few thermoses and other less harmful but still disabling device blueprints to add to the contingency file cause even if Dan is in therapy and on probation he knows his shit luck will probably make it needed sooner rather than later and he knows how fast it will go bad.

It comes in very handy at the next gala when Vlad attempts to have a duplicate overshadow Bruce who refuses to take his business propositions. Vlad gets nosey before Danny pulls up his king rights and makes vlad take an Oath (the magic binding kind) to not mess with Bruce or his family or reveal any of their super identities to anyone at all. Constantine is there beforehand to read over the contract and outthink any loopholes before vlad can take advantage of them.

Danny gives them samples of ecto-dejecto for medical emergencies, the Bat's keep them refreshed and in stock especally after they meet Ellie and hear about her stability problems. With help from Frostbite and Danny's ok they start working on a more reliable formula just for Ellie's sake.

Yes Jason is calmer around the halfas and he is slowly stabilizing enough form a proper core from it, (not an instant fix this time!) whether hes becoming a true halfa, more towards a remnant, or both they arent sure. But one night when the phantoms arent around Jason is having a bad time, reacting from something he was hit with during a fight. Tim just grabs one of the ecto-pens on a whim and it just flushes out the toxin so fast Jay passes out. When he wakes up his core has had a good growth spurt, its still not complete yet but he's beginning to get some minor abilities, the Phantom sibs start coaching him before it gets strong enough for Jason to turn completely intangible and if Jay starts complaining? Clockwork whisks them ALL up to the tower for a home movie night of Danny's greatest fails. Grampa has a collection, good and bad XD. Yes Danny is cringing in shame while eating Clockwork's ecto cookies but Jason is slowly starting to understand the importance of getting the basics right cause he does NOT want to accidentally sink completely under the ground without being able to get back out no thank you!!

What core type would he get anyway? Shadow's like Johnny because of the stealth perks? Earth to prevent being buried again? Would he have literature as a secondary obsession cause obviously he's gonna follow Danny into the family/protection category but since Danny also has a space obsession why not?

He puts Jazz's name in the list of superhero safe therapists, the fact she's already making waves at Arkam is only boosting her reputation. Especially once they read her paper on ghost obsessions and how sometimes they are comparable to hyper-fixations in autistics in the way they both satisfy and promote healthy growth for a ghosts physical and mental state but also how being deprived of them or forced to go against them can be severely harmful to their literal health.

And that was one thing the birds kept tripping on to understand whenever they needed to bench one of the halfas but they would end up just hovering around NEEDING to be helpful no mater how much they are told to go back to bed. They also get a whole new understanding on what happened to Dan cause yeah his whole timeline is based on loosing his family and retaliating out of grief.

So from then on the halfas are allowed to help with little tasks as long as they do not strain their recovery at all. Whenever Danny gets sickly and depressed they take him up to the watch tower, Ellie gets lessons in different languages so she can interact more when they let her join them on international trips, Jason gets set loose in a newly discovered bookstore when the manor's or Bab's library isn't enough, and Dan.. they're still figuring him out but he seems to enjoy wrecking little play city set ups and games where you play as the monster like Godzilla or Rampage along with general ghost sibling rough housing. (Lilo and Stitch is his favorite movie but you'd be hard pressed to get him to admit it,)

As for ships, definitely anger management. Jason becomes an unofficial fourth Phantom sib. Platonic everlasting trio cause Danny loves his friends and they will pet him like a cat for hours while his tail coils around them possessively like a giant snake and still make memes of it when he's grumpy. Brain dead is fun also, especially if Danny or the others are capable of Little Baby Man form and Tim has to fight Damian for cuddle rights! Bats has his usual girls but hey superman isn't that bad to hang around either.

[cttrajan1206]

hi!! im here to ask about your ocs!!

first of all i would like to say PLEASE read the shadows house manga if you werent planning on it already...! youll get so much more that wasnt offered in the anime since it cuts off at season 2 , its just so good.. SO GOOD ok. ok

about astral and anjem!

i know you said you dont have all the details worked out so its ok if you dont have an answer to any of this atm!

could you talk a bit more about their dynamic/relationship, if you have anything else you wanna say?

what are their goals in the house? are they pursuing roles within relief team, starbearers, etc? are they wanting to get invited?

how good is astral at controlling his soot power? do you think its likely any of his experimenting on anjem could go wrong + how would he react, would he be able to fix it?

love ur ocs :}

WAAA HELLO?? i never original post ever so i was really surprised and excited when you reblogged it saying you'd read it later - AND NOW IN MY INBOX TOO? WAAAA.... >O<

But waa ok ok so! Funny enough, @tsukiomoon was over at my house and convinced me to read Shadow House (having watched the anime) while we were at a bookstore. I'd already glanced at it a few times over the years so I was. Very easy to convince tbh djdhfjf So I actually began with reading the first two volumes!! Then after that, I was thoroughly hooked so we proceeded to binge the entirety of it together in two days. That said, I'd love to read the manga. I'm debating on it because the official translation -> scanlation currency exchange is not in my favour ToT but I think I like it enough to bear through it, the anime missed a few scenes from even just the first two volumes after all.

Onto the ocs!!

Dynamic/relationship: This is a fun one. I've mentioned they both very much love each other already, I think at first they're both very superficial about it and build up versions of each other in their head (Astral even moreso having known longer). It gets deeper as time goes on but Astral isn't obssessed with Anjem just as a person, but also for his quality of being human. Anjem is similar likewise but there's a mighty power imbalance there.

Astral is actually also a special shade! He remembers before morphing. He's probably the worst one to do so though because he doesn't really care about the Shadow House - not when it gives him license to not only have Anjem to himself, but also such close access to humans. To him, the memories just give him a clearer understanding if the Faces' limits. He gets very annoyed with seeing others treat their living dolls badly and will pick fights about it or ask Anjem to give them recompensary gifts to them.

Anjem I'm less clear on... He's bad at cleaning but Astral doesn't mind particularly (and also doesnt produce enough soot for it to be a problem). The rigid structure of his life gives him comfort in its reliability but he does often long for some of the luxuries Shades get. Like nice clothes and better food. He doesn't like coffee though haha. I don't think either of them ever realise the brainwashing thing bc Anjem's too picky and never fully swallows the coffee anyway, sometimes vomiting it out. He still gets the effects partially though

Goals: I think Astral does want to escape the House eventually - he doesn't care too much for getting everyone else out, he just wants to find more and more humans and learn everything he can about them. Anjem I haven't decided too much yet. He knows Astral's goal and wants to be there with him to see it too, to travel the world, but I think he'd be scared of taking that step.

I think he wants to see his siblings again, one last time

Roles: Oop... Astral's power is very good for healing wounds so technically the relief team would be good for him but I personally wouldn't put him in a room with so many humans in it XD He keeps his power very downlow but regardless, I think he'd have made his way into the relief team. He's their bigger advocate on training to treat dolls better.

Anjem wanted to be in the research team instead but, as a Face, he has to tag along and look pretty

Power: At first Astral was pretty bad at controlling his power. He doesn't have blood himself after all, it was very unknown territory. In fact, the only way he Did grow better at it was When his experiments on Anjem failed. They could be very dangerous failures too, in case his soot clogged a vein or he clotted uo the wrong part or forced it to produce too much blood. In his panic to fix it, he tended to reflexively reverse whatever he'd done and so far, though there have been catastrophes, Anjem hasn't died. There was a time when Astral stopped his heart but that's whatever, he's immensely better at controlling them now. He doesn't frequent the training room (especially since his powers require blood), but instead has perfected his powers through practice in his room. He does also keep a few vials of blood he requests from the relief team that uses to practice with at times.

He prefers it best when it's with Anjem though :)

There was once, when the brainwashing had worn off more, where Astral fucked up. In attempting to heal a wound on Anjem's wrist, he accidentally sped up the production of the blood and it poured everywhere, spilling out faster than healthy. Anjem, wide eyed and afraid that this time, he was going to die, scrambled away from him screaming. He tried to run away but the pain was blinding him so much he could barely concentrate. Nothing Astral said could convinve him to calm down, and the last thing he saw before passing out was Astral roughly grabbing at his arm.

Astral was able to stop the blood, working with this as an experiment to control his area of effect, and sealed the wound. He bandaged it up and treated it with care, pressing a careful kiss of regret on the bandage and on Anjem's hand, the black mark staining his skin.

Anjem woke later in his box. He was afraid and angry and upset. He didn't talk to Astral for a full week, only interacting with him as a Face. Astral was heartbroken by this and apologised many times. They made up finally, after Astral stopped him from cleaning and held his hands, about to apologise again, when suddenly Anjem lifted the shade's hands and pressed a kiss to each.

"I'm tired of this. I miss speaking with you. I forgive you, so stop apologising every time I enter a room."

That mended things but going forward, Astral started getting external vials until he was better at his control.

Tidbits!

Astral likes his name but also wants to be separate from it. In private, he asks Anjem to call him "Aster" as a similar compromise. Anjem means "star" in arabic - he named his Face to match the name he preferred :)

Anjem is mostly good at reading Astral's emotions but they have a system of handsignals and body language to indicate the faces they want to make.

I've been thinking on them and their age awhile. I hadn't noticed when I made them that adults get finer clothes than the chikdren but I refuse ti change my design, I'm attached </3 I think they're similar to Barbara and Maryrose - old but still in the children's wing by virtue of not being given an invitation

This is partly due to Anjem's scar but mostly due to Astral's refusal to be useful outside of the bare minimum (this is not a noble thing, he's lowkey just lazy)

Oh my god I wrote a lot sdjbhf

Yeah!! That's them! That's my boys. I'm thinking of making a couple more too - I want to explore the idea of someone using their Face to hide disguise their real emotions

Thank you so much for asking 😭 it means the world to me and got me to think about them more

As an extra, have a doodle of Anjem's second sight of Astral:

[miko-but-twisted]

Magic Eyes!Yuu HC part1

Ok folks , as promised, here's the Magic Eyes!Yuu stuff you asked !! Hope you will enjoy, it might be one of my favorite homemade AU so far! Don't forget this is only my interpretation. As long you give me credit, feel free to use this AU as you like. I will also use a gender-neutral Yuu . Let's cut things short first: here's the link for the very BASIC IDEA/DRAFT. Today I will add more stuff . Still basic info , but with more context (I hope)!!

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First of all: I will use the last point I mentioned in my previous post-> The idea of Yuu/Mc's lineage being from Twisted Wonderland, but because of stuff, they were yeeted out into a magicless world where their magic eyes were dormant and have no idea they have it for their whole life until they got yeeted back into TWST

Whatever happened and who their family is is something I will reveal in the near future, don't worry ovo

What's really important rn is how they reacted the first time their Magic Eyes activated

For the sake of this exemple, and also because i really like the idea, I will name those eyes Magic Eyes of Magic Perception (remember Lucario's aura sensing powers in pokemon movie 8 ? That's basically it) They can see people and everything else just fine, but everything magical has an aura around it. AND THEY ARE CONFUSED A HECK

Magic Eyes!Yuu: Ok , do you know you have a ... reddish aura around you ? Ace: I have no idea what you are talking about. Unless that's your way to say I am dashing ? Magic Eyes!Yuu: Not at all, but thank you for confirming I may have become crazy.

Note that each person's aura has a different color, but as long they don't have blot, it stays bright .

At first , they couldn't control it properly. It always activates on its own and when it does, it makes their eyes itch and burn to feel Not even eyedrops from good ol' Sam shop can help them ;;;;; Hopefully, with time (between Azul OB and chapter 4), they fixed the issue and can control its activation anytime they want.

Long story short, Magic eyes are a concentrated amount of nerves/circuits in the retina that produce energy/light, then become a sigil in the person's eyes. However, it leaves a burning/itching sensation. In Yuu's case, it starts like a little dot in the pupil and then grows bigger and more elaborate every time it activates until its final form

They keep it a secret from everyone, not even Grim, Crowley or the Ramshackle Ghost knows they have it. It's only after Riddle's Overblot they split the milk to the Braincell gang

Because OH BOI Yuu SAW WEIRD THINGS BEFORE IT ACTUALLY HAPPEN Such as Riddle's Aura becoming darker every time they see him. At first, Yuu thought it was only their imagination (like this whole aura thingy to be honest) But when Riddle's aura darkened during the duel in LIVE, they had cold sweat

Anyway I digress

Of course, no one knows what's going on with theirs eyes. And no one is smart enough to ask a teacher of course. Trein would have been a good choice in the matter...

Lilia and Malleus, however, seem to suspect something...

But the ones who seem to REALLY know what's going on are the little fairies👀

TO BE CONTINUED....

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AND done! I hope you liked it! I must say that out of the MANY AU I have made so far, this one is my favorite. Close next to Janitor!Yuu After this I have planned a whole lore: starting from the origin of the Magic Eyes, to the event that led Yuu's in the non-magic world and even more! My brain is bubbling with ideas! Until next time, have a nice day/night!

PS: sorry for any grammatical error!

[haemosexuality]

insanely long analysis of the ep promise of she-ra <3

(first a bit of S1e10- the beacon)

[Adora is talking to the woods as she-ra.] Just let me fix this, please!  I-I can’t let anyone else get hurt. [she transforms back into adora and sits down] Fine. You win. You want me to be weak? Well. I am.  And I’m afraid. Because, I-I’m no good at any of this.

God doesn’t that hurt immediately off the bat. “just let me fix this, please” is a perfect summary of adoras entire character. She is so, so desperate to be useful- she needs to help other people, she needs to fix everything and save everyone. She cant let herself be a person, shes a vessel (HRUAHHRAGHHH season 5) to help others, shes a tool and a means to an end. Shes the hero. But shes bad at that, because no matter how much she represses herself, she feels and wants things so strongly all the time. She hopes and begs for direction and destiny but shes terrified of not having control. She will desperately try again and again to be the perfect hero-sacrifice that will heal the world and keep her friends safe but she doesn’t want that, not really, what she wants is to go to parties and hang out with her friends and catra, but she feels she doesn’t deserve that. She cant let herself have anything she wants. But she still does. Shes afraid and shes weak and shes too young for this. Her wanting things so strongly is what ruins everyones plans, shadow weaver’s and light hope’s and horde prime’s. its what saves everyone. This doesn’t have anything to do w the scene I was talking about anymore oops. “I’m no good at any of this” just confirms that, shes bad at being your standard self sacrificing selfless hero in the same way catra was bad at being an unfeeling purely evil villain. She just cant stop being a person

Ok now onto Promise: the ep starts immediately after that scene, with adora going inside the crystal castle looking for answers on how to heal glimmer, and catra following after her looking for tech that she can use (and also to spy on adora bc that might not have been her primary objective but shes not gonna pass up on that chance lol)

“You are not ready yet. You must let go.” “let go of what?” [camera pans to catra] will always be so. Ugh poetic cinema

How did anyone ever trust light hope lmao immediately from the first time she shows up shes all like “free yourself of all of your earthly attachments and join my hero training course”. Also, again, adora’s attachment to catra (and glimmer and bow) has always been the main thing saving her from falling head first into self sacrificial bullshit. She cant let go of her. She will never fully let go of her.

Catra: What's going on? Why are those things trying to kill us?

She-Ra: They're trying to kill you. This place sees you as an invader.

Catra: Well, can't you tell them to stop?

She-Ra: [incredulously, frustrated] No, I can't tell them to stop! Clearly nothing in here is listening to me!

Oh I just realized something. The crystal castle is a place that was made for adora and caters to her, and it sees catra as an invader. Much like how in the Horde, adora was favoritized and shadow weaver’s center of attention while catra was mistreated and discarded. Seen as an invasion, a corrupting force in Adora’s life. The one thing adora cant control in the crystal castle is how it reacts to catra, it activates security protocol no matter what she does, like how adora could never fully protect catra from shadow weaver and the others. Even throughout the episode and at the end, we see catra fighting tooth and nail to survive everything the castle throws at her while adora undermines her (“I had it.” “Sure you did.”), and by the end all her fighting pays off and she comes out victorious, like how she goes up in the horde until shes effectively its lord. The crystal castle (im just gonna call it CC) literally becomes the fright zone throught the simulation too I cant believe I didn’t get this before

Catra: Anyway, what are you doing here? [angrily, sarcastically] Where are your new best friends? I thought you guys did eVeRyThInG together.

The similarity between this and the flashback scene where we see a child catra say “go eat with your new best friend lonnie! I know you like her better than me. Youre supposed to me my friend” really shows how immature they still are I think. Not as a like, inherent character flaw or smth, they just weren’t raised in a place where emotional maturity is a thing you learn. They were never taught how to deal with their emotions in any way, other than “repress it really hard, hit someone and blow up a civilian”. Of course theyre emotionally stunted. This probably also contributes to both of them’s very black and white way of thinking. Also theyre still in the 17-18 range so like literally theyre teens. Just goes to show that them being separated for a while was necessary, bc they needed to break off their codependency to be able to grow as people and mature emotionally, that would never happen if they stayed together and just enabling each others toxic traits, instead of being able to have a healthy relationship like they do after the end.

Something I also never considered before is why the CC showed them the memories it did? Like. Was it light hope that chose those? I assume so since she not only has shown she can do that but also watched adora her entire life so she knows all her memories. Did she specifically pick out painful memories that she thought would tear them further apart? It seems obvious now but I just never thought ab this before. The first memory shown does go against that tho, its just baby adora and catra being cute. Maybe she wanted to show them how much their relationship had deteriorated?

↑ gay

↑ gay

↑ gay

Ooooouough this is when it starts to hurt pray for my emotional stability

Adora: ...Can I ask you something?

Catra: Can I stop you?

Adora: ...Why did you help me escape after Shadow Weaver captured us?

Catra: Not this again.

Adora: It's the one thing I can't figure out. You didn't have to do that. You could've gotten caught...why risk it? [Rock on the edge crumbles beneath her; yelps] Whoa, whoa, whoa--!

Catra: Did you really think I'd just let Shadow Weaver erase your memory like that?

Adora: I dunno. Probably.

[Adora grunts as Catra pulls her up]

Catra: Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me.

Adora: Can you blame me?

Catra: Not really.

This is so. Ugh. I love adora but especially in the first season shes so.. girl what are you doing!!!! How can she be so ignorant. Obviously I know how but. Augh so much of catra’s hurt stems from this… when I say that adora was fully, totally brainwashed by the horde, I don’t mean just that she believed their propaganda about the war, or whatever bullshit shadow weaver ingrained in her about her purpose. She also believed what they all said about catra. To a lesser extend, obviously, and she loved catra with all of herself- but she did still believe catra was a bit lazy, kinda disrespectful, uncaring, etc. and I cant even totally blame her, because catra actively tried to make herself seem all those things. Catra didn’t want to let anyone know how hard she tried, how much she hurt, so she played up the “aloof, lazy student/soldier who doesn’t care about anything” role as much as she could. But still, god, the way adora treated her must have hurt so much. “you never did have too much faith in me” absolutely breaks my heart. Catra cared about adora so much. She cared about adora more than anything in her life. Obviously she would do anything to prove herself once she can, look at how even the person who loved her the most thought about her. Im gonna talk more ab this later there are better scenes for that. But also I CANNOT BELIEVE ADORA IN THIS!!! GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!! WDYM CAN U BLAME ME YES I CAN (ignore the part where I said I couldn’t) DON’T JUST SAY THAT SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE. OH MY GOD ok. Being a catra, an adora, and a catradora stan means sometimes u really want to slap s1 adora in the face. For multiple reasons. and the fact catra agrees too…. Catra hates herself so much. She truly honestly believes shes a bad person and it breaks my heart. And unfortunately for everyone, catra has shown that she'll always play a role that shes assigned to the max. everyone believed that shes a villain, she believed that shes a villain, so by fucking god shes gonna be a villain.

putting the rest of this under a readmore bc its longggg

her tail touching adoras hand i am on the floor

Catra: It wasn't all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right? (dont trust the subtitles in the pics theyre wrong)

THIS scene destroys me. Catra’s so- she always knew the horde was evil, ok, she always knew their childhood was bad. But she endured it for adora. To catra, all the happy memories they made growing up were worth it- all for adora. It didn’t matter what they did. Only to see adora throw all these moments away the moment she realized the rest of it was bad? God, catra mustve felt like she was garbage to adora. Something that wasn’t even worth thinking about once she had the opportunity of something better. Shes very aloof here, as always, but she probably feels a bit desperate- was it worth it for you too? Did any of it matter to you? Where you just miserable the entire time?

Adora: Of course I do. But it doesn't change the fact that the Horde is evil. I had no choice. I couldn't go back.

This is adora’s biggest problem tho. She had no choice, she couldn’t go back. She never feels like she can choose anything based on what she actually wants. Shes always, always driven by this need to do good, the right thing. And this is where theyre most incompatible at first, because while catra only cares about adora and that’s her priority, adora has Morals and puts the greater good over her personal relationships, which to catra makes it seem like she doesn’t care about her. Her happy memories were absolutely worth it to adora, but theyre not more important than the good of the entire world. (I don’t think adora having a sense of morality and not wanting to side with a military empire is a bad thing, catra was the villain of the show for a reason and the reason is that obviously working for something that wants to take over the world is bad. Im just explaining how this is what drove them apart, how catras mind works, and to an extend why you can understand her side and emphatize with her even if she was in the wrong. That trait of adora’s does get bad when she starts acting like she needs to kill herself for that greater good tho.)

them taking a moment to play-fight in the middle of all of that makes me want to sobbbbb 😭😭😭

TINY LITTLE BABIESSSSSSSSSSS Young Catra: What was that? Way to gang up on me!

Young Lonnie: You were fighting dirty. I was just leveling the field.

[Catra shakes and growls in anger as Adora walks up and places a hand on Catra's shoulder]

Young Adora: Hey, you were awesome! Did I hurt you?

Young Catra: No, I'm fine. You're just lucky I let you win.

Young Adora: Riiiiiiiight.

Young Catra: I'm serious! [scoffs] If I came in first, people might expect me to actually start doing stuff around here. Trust me, second place suits me just fine.

Young Adora: Yeah, okay.

EVERYTHING I SAID BEFORE. you can see catra was obviously extremely upset that she didn’t win, but admitting that would be admitting defeat. She shrinks herself to fit into this “no im fine, im chill, im not even trying in fact. I don’t care” attitude, because that hurts less than admitting that shes trying so, so hard but no one believes in her and she keeps losing to adora (mostly bc the other cadets and staff favoritize adora over her, and discriminate against her, making it harder for her to succeed in anything). And adora believes her. “second place suits me just fine” was the mantra catra kept telling herself through her entire life to try and feel less hurt about living in adoras shadow.

though it wasn’t working, and her resentment towards adora kept growing more and more.

oh this scene could be ab so many things. Catra literally slipping through her fingers. A parallel to earlier, when catra held onto adora and helped her up, while here theyre torn apart by a force stronger than them. How adora tried but couldn’t save catra. Aughh

:(

and here, we see how capable catra is. Shes both extremely strong (able to rip herself out of… whatever that is) and extremely smart, even under pressure (in seconds she figures out where she has damage this thing shes never seen before so it stops working)

only for adora to come in, “save the day” after she had already saved herself, and act all. “sure you did” about it. Again, making absolutely clear catra knows she doesn’t believe in her.

Adora: What is your problem? I was just trying to save you.

Catra: For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you.

That says everything on its own. Adora doesn’t understand why catra is hurt/angry, she doesn’t even understand how what she said undermines catra. And catra is extremely bitter that adora keeps acting like That. Also, something I haven’t touched on is that adora leaving the horde put catra in so much danger. She was the only thing providing catra with even the slightest bit of protection, which catra -hated- but absolutely depended on, since shadow weaver had made clear that catra was -only ever kept alive because of adora-. Adora defecting put catra in danger not only of the other cadets targeting her, but of death. Catra was left all alone to survive in those conditions, and she did, and now adora keeps acting like catra needs her to save her.

Adora: Catra, wait. ...I'm sorry for leaving. I couldn't go back to the Fright Zone, not after I saw what the Horde was really doing. something that must have stung too is the idea that adora saw innocent people suffering, and that led her to realize that the horde was bad. But she had seen catra being abused by the horde their whole life, and yet still thought the horde was good. What does that say about how adora saw catra? Did she think catra deserve it, wasn’t innocent enough for that violence to be unwarranted? Was her suffering not enough for adora to realize how fucked up that was? (again, we’re able to know that it wasn’t that, adora was just as abused as catra, watching someone be physically abused is also extremely traumatized and kids will learn to justify the abuse theyre experiencing to themselves or others and might not realize its wrong u cant expect a kid to know how to act in a situation like that she was in as much survival mode as catra was and her trying to keep herself in shadow weaver’s good side was just her desperately trying to keep herself safe etc etc this is from catras perspective) I never wanted to leave you. ...You could come with me! You-you-you could join the rebellion! I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this hurts so much. Adora might have internalized some of what the horde said ab catra and catra might have felt that 10 times as strong than it actually was but adora never actually believed catra was a bad person. Shes probably the only one (before scorpia and entrapta) that Didn’t think catra was destined to be a disgrace, to be bad. And its so sad bc even with all their flaws she loves catra so so much and she wants catra to come with her so much. Adora now has access to a life where she has the opportunity to be happy and she so desperately wants to give catra that same life. She knows catra deserves better and she can see that now more clearly than ever. But its too late, catra is too hurt and too angry to follow her and even if at this point adoras words might have some effect on her, its about to get so much worse. :(

Fuck this next part is going to hurt. Ok

Shadow Weaver: [screams angrily] Get out!

[Young Adora cries out in alarm as dark magic encloses the exit]

Shadow Weaver: Catra... [young Adora turns to see young Catra's form enveloped in a paralyzing, zapping magic] ...you stay.

[Young Catra grunts as she is forced to stand]

Shadow Weaver: What do you think you're doing in here?

[Shadow Weaver makes young Catra turn, feet squeaking on the floor as she does so without picking up her feet; Shadow Weaver clicks her mask back in place]

Catra: [fearfully] We were just playing.

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully] Insolent child. I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you. But I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well.

Adora: [pleading] Shadow Weaver, it wasn't her fault, it was my idea, too!

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully, still talking to Catra] You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. [slowly, enunciating] Do you understand?

Adora: [runs between them, throwing her arms out to protect young Catra; pleading] Please stop!

[The dark magic dissipates back into Shadow Weaver's cloak as she groans and moves back toward the Garnet; Young Adora and young Catra share a look before young Adora runs over to Shadow Weaver]

Adora: She didn't mean to!

Shadow Weaver: [placidly, attempting to soothe] Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. [Shadow Weaver finally lets young Catra out of the paralyzing magic and she grunts as she falls to the ground] Do not let something like this happen again. [she pats young Adora's head as young Catra looks on]

Transcripts and screenshots cannot properly convey the dread of this scene. In a flashback, catra and adora are caught by shadow weaver playing in a place they weren’t supposed to be in, and shadow weaver paralyzes catra with electric magic we know is extremely painful to be caught in, and threatens her life. Catra and adora look to be like, between 6-7 years old in this scene. Theres so much happening here. This lays the foundation to basically everything that happens in the show.

First off, shadow weaver singles out, physically hurts catra, and blames her for something that adora initiated. then, she makes it clear that she sees catra and someone that is bad, and she doesn’t expect anything else from her. And, she says catra is a bad influence in adora’s life, tainting whats perfect, and that tells her that every time after this that adora “acts out”, will be catra’s fault.

she tells catra that, if she ever feels like catra is “ruining” adora, she will get killed. From now on, adora’s friendship is literally what is keeping catra alive. This will, understandably, fuck their relationship up a little bit and also make catra incredibly dependent on adora. She will do anything to keep being adora’s friend and she will have to make sure that shadow weaver doesn’t feel like she is making adora behave out of line or that she isn’t becoming better than adora, isn’t taking her number 1 spot away from her.

she goes on to tell adora, who has been watching all of this, that its her job to make sure catra is kept in line. She’s seen what happens when she doesn’t. this will make adora feel incredibly responsible for catras well being, and like she has to constantly save catra and beg for catra to act right, otherwise catra will get hurt and itll be her fault. On the other hand, adora is a child who just saw someone get tortured, and subconsciously shes gonna make sure to always stay in shadow weavers good side, not only bc if she doesn’t then catra gets punished but because she does not want that to happen to her too.

catra, who was frozen and electrocuted and berated, saw adora get gently talked to, “reassured”, and receive physical affection.

that results in catra growing up both extremely attached and extremely bitter of adora, for “having it easy” and always acting like shes her savior, while she has to constantly walk on eggshells (on a minefield, honestly) so she doesn’t get physically abused. She starts resenting adora as anything she does gets blamed on her, and shes forced to live as her shadow, her bad influence, the devil to adora’s angel. And in adora having a major savior/messiah complex, she feels like shes responsible for saving everyone, and every time someone gets hurt its her fault. She will live the rest of her life trying fix and save everything, because if she can’t then what good is she?

understanding that this is where all of their motivations, flaws, traumas and personalities come from will help u understand the entire show better tbh. It all comes down to shadow weaver. [Young Adora and Catra are walking down a hall in the Fright Zone, just after this incident; they walk past a pillar and become Present Adora and Catra again]

Catra: You always need to play the hero, don't you?

Adora: I was only trying to protect you.

Catra: You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side.

[Scene transitions to Young Adora and Catra in the same place]

Young Catra: Admit it. You love being her favorite!

Young Adora:  That's not true!

Young Catra: Oh, yeah? [glitches back to Present Catra (and Adora)] When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then?

Adora: You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore. You can leave--[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]--just like I did!

Young Catra: Oh, because I need to follow you everywhere you go?!

Young Adora: I didn't mean it that way.

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra]

Catra: I don't. Want. To leave. What don't you understand about that? I'm not afraid of Shadow Weaver anymore, and I'm a better Force Captain than you would've ever been.

[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]

Young Adora: You always said you didn't care about things like that...

Young Catra: [crying] Well, I was lying, obviously!

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra; Catra begins to walk away]

Adora: Catra, just wait!

Catra: Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the Fright Zone? I didn't want you to come back, Adora!

That scene lays out everything I said so perfectly I don’t even have anything to add.

This scene where catra is running through a simulation of all her most painful memories and desperately screams LET! ME! OUT OF HERE!! perfectly represents what spiraling like that feels like

[a younger Catra, maybe 5 or younger, is crying and hiding her face in a blanket on their bunk in the Fright Zone]

Young Adora: [peers from around a doorway] ...Catra?

[Young Catra continues to sob as Young Adora walks to her; Young Adora peels back the cover from Young Catra's face, and Young Catra hisses]

Young Adora: Catra, it's okay, it's just me. It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.

Young Catra and Present Catra: You promise?

Young Adora: I promise.

And then the promise. Everything catra went through, all the abuse and bullying, she put up with all of it because of this. She held onto their promise until the end. But the moment adora decided to leave the horde, she broke their promise.

as the memory-simulation ends, young catra gives a look to present catra. One that probably said, remember this. Remember how much you mean for each other. Don’t break your part of the promise. But this isn’t how catra takes it at all. all this tells catra, all that this entire day has told catra, is how terrible adora is. Adora ruined her life. Adora lied to her, said they’d be together forever only to abandon her. Adora forced her to be in her shadow. Adora is the reason shadow weaver never treated her right. She looks at her younger self and thinks, I'll avenge you. Im never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again. Im going to show all of them how strong I can be, ill rise to the top and ill be unstoppable. Im never letting anybody put me down ever again.

(and then is season 5, seeing a younger version of herself is also what makes her realize how wrong she was, how this isn’t the path she wants to take. Its what motivates her to get better, be better. Thinking about herself as a child kickstarted both her descent into being a villain and her redemption arc/recovery.) [Adora is holding onto dear life to some ropes or smth that are keeping her from falling off a cliff. Catra shows up]

Adora: [hopeful] Catra?

Catra: [holding the sword, rubs a finger along its side] Hey, Adora.

Adora: [pleading] Catra, help me, please...

Catra: [contemplatively unhurried] This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you. Then again, you're special. That's what Shadow Weaver always said.

Adora: Catra...what are you doing?

Catra: Ah, you know? It all makes sense now. You've always been the one holding me back. You wanted me to think I needed you. You wanted me to feel weak. Every hero needs a sidekick, right?

Adora: [desperately] Catra, no, that's not how it was...

Catra: [laughs humorlessly] The sad thing is, I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde, when really you leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so much stronger than anyone ever thought.  

I wonder what I could've been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner...

[Catra cuts the last of the rope holding Adora up; Adora shrieks as she falls, catching a rock handhold on the way down]

Adora: I-I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best! Please don't do this!

[Catra looks at the sword, then tosses it into the chasm; it clangs on the way down, Adora gasps lightly]

Catra: Bye, Adora. I really am going to miss you.

 And then she fucking lion kings adora. The fucking episode ever number 1 villain origin story of the century catra you will always be everything to me. Writing this took 6 hours im so tired. And then the episode ends with light hope once more telling adora she needs to let go AUGH so good. I need to go to sleep. if you read all of this i love u i hope u liked it <3 also u might like this post also

[pup-pee]

OOHHH do you think they're opposites?? I'm trying to think about their personalities rn... I can't decide. I do think their voice/sense of humour is the same tho:0 and it does depend what version of batman we're talking about

tldr; i have no idea if u meant techno or c!techno bc i meant c!techno anyways c!techno can b batman, i dont think batman can b c!techno

theres a lot kf rambling below

SO IN FAIRNESS!! again have not seen a lore stream in YRS & ALSO most of the batman im reading is from the 90s so like thats a time an era

so similarly!!! they do have like similar actions? theyre both way more violent than the rest bc they believe its the only way 2 get through ALTHOUGH they try 2 only use it when necessary

like brrr but uhh they also have vry different ideals? c!techno SRRY IM TALKING ABOUT CANON I DIDNT LIKE DIFFERENTIATE @ ALL c!techno has a vry different view of how 2 igg “make peace” than batman does

like batman wants 2 established a higher authority 2 control but hes trying rlly hard 4 them not 2 b corrupt like so hard god hes trying & techno,,,,is like the opposite of that

while i said they both dont kill if necessary, techno still WILL kill & yk thats like kinda hehhhhhhhhhh like mayb a big moral line but also EVERY1 IN DSMP was ready 2 kill so i dont think this point means anyyythingg

THE THE HUMOR THO? i can see it. kinda? i feel like this is embarrassing 2 say but i dont think batman would b the 2nd worse thing 2 ha

MAYBE IM LOOKING @ THIS WRONG BC techno as batman fits way more???? 4 some reason???? like jesus im rambling okHHHHHH

c!techno as batman makes sense

batman as c!techno does not,,,,4 some reason

i literally wrote all this 2 explain that i feel stupid ok welp whatever

i rlly dont read batman LIKE I RLLY DONT KNFACT I TRY 2 AVOID BATMAN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE like out of personal preference of???? idk

like im lretty sure the last thing i read was him running away 2 go think & brood alone while his sons worried back home lol

shit if ur talking about like movie batman or any more modern take then i think ur right

im just stuck jn this time whefe hes still HEAVILY grieving & its not a rlly good look skjfkskgkkgk

this is y i dont do essay/analysis type stuff i usualky regret what i write bc im thinking but dont go back bc i think the thought process is fun,,,but its long skjfks

my dumbasbrain bing like hava yes if im talking about techno its gonna b the c!techno w/out specifying wooooooo like wth

listen i havnt had 2 Differentiate  in SOO LONG AAHHH yeah im not fixing thag word brrr

[sunsetstarving]

ok hi i like think i talked abt your ocs with you when you first shared the slides with me but i was going through my drive and i saw it again and i was like ok wait let me look! and i now have Thoughts

- FIRST OFF nefise is like so eldest daughter immigrant trauma. if this makes sense. i also understand why she turns evil for a bit

- dani's like my fave ever btw im like so not normal abt him. just the implications of the whole being someone whos always positive and optimistic (slightly delusional) and then starting to lose all that when the world starts ending. starting to lose yourself bc youre the literal fucking symbol of hope but you cant bring yourslef to be the least bit hopeful. god. rattling him around in my brain

- pls give kore a kazoo. im begging. also a turtle fits the green theme. shes like the coolest btw and i get the whole. like wanting to be someones first chocie but you feel like theyre always going to choose someone that they can love and love them romantically and hating yourself a little bit for not being able to like ouchhh man why you gotta zir like that. ough

- TESNIS LIKE THE BIGGEST LOSER im so obsessed w her. i love that you made her a jock but also a debate kid i think thats the funniest combo. also like the whole trying to remain unchanging/constant like the "if it aint broke dont fix it" mentality but then it DOES break and DANI breaks so then she HAS to change to fix it and. arhghghgh

- felicite!!!!! dude. ok the implications of her being the symbol of chance and the fact that the symbol of chance even exists at all is so crazy to me because like yeah. sometimes it truly is Like That. sometimes things are so out of your control and you can do nothing to stop it its just pure fucking luck and fate and the univesre shifting and ohhhhh god. i am so !!!! amped abt her and skull/fibula btw

- YOOO nefise and dani. idk if youve watched jjk but they are So satosugu coded i will elaborate if youd like but this is rlly long already i might have to take this to disc

- tesni and delshad WILL drive me insane. the absolute vulnerability and horrors of being so deeply known........ ugh

- said this already but. felicite and skull chance and death like broooo the fact that something so horrible something that takes so much from ppl is so closely tied to the concept of randomness and the unknwon. driving me insane

ANYWAYSSS thats like all of it um. yes i have thoughts! anyways

HIIII okay i finally got on desktop it took me a little bit we have been going everywhere. traveling is enjoyable sometimes but also...not always lmao BUT ANYWAY ILY AUGH i've been thinking abt this since last night. HELP all lighthearted but i do not think u ever said anything!! only the discord interaction i have been waiting ever since and boy oh boy.... the personal connection to every single one of them and the way u pointed them out immediately.

YEAH nefise is kind of just Like That. it came with the territory (being the asian character i project on forever) and also like..... the turning evil bit is everything to me bc the way she regrets none of it when she thinks about it from a distance but all it took was the sliver of hesitation, the flicker of exhaustion from constantly throwing herself at every problem, to simply take her down completely and have the team lose her. Yeah

dani my beloved... he was the original knight concept too. upon seeing this i HAD to draw him being a miserable fucker (<- phone battery ran out i will send these once i can grab some pictures!!) *jeopardy voice* what is burning out from the expectation to lead your world to the future despite having none of what you're supposed to be giving

YEAHHHH YOU GET IT. the. knowing that you're not broken and that this is just you but then the people you love make it feel like you shouldn't be the way that you are, that you need to change? forever experience. and while it continues to hurt and i don't think we can escape it i think good friends are a good remedy for the pain... and also ur so right they need a turtle so bad

and AHAHAHA tesni wahoo loser overachiever asian parents' favorite child (good at everything) and also biggest problem (anger issues) of all time. also love the family drama aspect like Yeah ofc she's going to have to change and yield and give ground. she has a sibling to take care of damn it

FELICITE AND FIBULA AOUGH.... this is so funny bc i literally had no clue what she was going to be but then chance sounded good. and then i was like Oh. the Implications of this are horrific. additionally yeah i think abt it all the time.... i've been following this comic series on instagram abt the grim reaper being a kind guy bc he's the messenger, not the one who controls any of it, and like... ouch, you know? the fact that it is unfair and horrible and there is no good timing about it. that sometimes it lines up just in time for a hilarious pun. death and chance being intertwined in the most cosmically random ways but in ways that absolutely make sense.

I STILL HAVEN'T the urge to ask vs the urge to wait until i've gotten to it vs the knowledge i will Not be doing that any time soon and. i should probably ask. pls tell me more in disc i would love to hear

tesni and delshad will kill me btw. that's like. going to suck. i'm gonna be so emotions about it bc it is not something i have yet delved into but i think abt it all the time. even more family drama. all of them scrambling to adjust to some of the most awful news one can never take back. grahh or whatever

anyway. i love this i love u i am SOOO happy you sent this!!!!! i am always so ecstatic to talk about the kids they are so beloved to me fr <333

[rat-prophetess]

10 and 9 from the pathologic ask game!

Ty!! :D

9- I think the only thing that stresses me out in terms of mechanics is the feeling that there's probably some important side quest/interaction/piece of information that didn't show up in the quest log or letters that I just totally forgot about. Also the fucking rats. I just want to catch you and put you in my pocket so I can bet on you in a race later! I love you stop trying to eat me! please you are such a small target to hit I just bought these boots.

10- !!! Everything! For so many reasons! I think overall it's just that it felt very familiar from the beginning.

[OK this might be long and somehow both tmi and boring at the same time, so uh feel free to skip.] *Shockingly*, I'm sure, I am in fact Officially Mentally Ill™ and my personal depression has a lot of dissociative symptoms attached. Unfortunately I grew up in a house where We Don't Believe In Mental Illness, so I spent a lot of years feeling absolutely nothing and just wandering around in this fog feeling like my body was just a marionette kind of moving on its own while I just watched and couldn't do anything about it. I was told that I was perfectly normal and there was nothing wrong with me at all (because if we all just pretend hard enough...) so I thought that was just it. If there's nothing wrong with me then there's nothing to fix and this is just how it is on this bitch of an earth, c'est la vie pas le paradis, etc. Life is just tracing the same paths over and over and nothing changing except that it kept falling apart and getting worse. I felt totally cut off from the rest of humanity because I didn't feel like a real person in the same way that everyone else was a real person.

Do you see where I'm going with this lolll. being dropped into Patho classic and feeling like there's just. something a little bit off all the time and no one else seems to notice it. The buildings are the wrong size inside; everything feels kind of artificial, like it might just be a stage set; sometimes you have the same conversations over and over. You trace the same routes day after day, and it really does feeling like being blood moving through a vein, and meanwhile everything is deteriorating around you. The characters are horrified and frustrated to learn that they're just dolls and feel helpless and like they have no control over their own actions or fates. So I was like HEY SHE'S JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!! <333 They get me <3

It's always a relief to find a piece of art that makes you feel genuinely understood. Any experience/idea/belief that you have no way of communicating is really isolating, but as soon as someone else gives it a name or an image or a narrative form, it suddenly feels like a real shared human experience. It's like learning the word тоска and realizing oh, my language doesn't have a word for that feeling but there is a word for it! That's validation, babeyyyy! The whole game is like that. Also I'm v attached to the characters now. None of them are even a little ok at any time. <3 I love them. Everyone in the town is either queer, kind of fucked-up, or queer AND kind of fucked-up. High School Friend Group Simulator right there.

Ok sorry probably none of that makes sense bc it's almost 3am but uh. Good thing we're all used to reading long, cryptic dialogue that might be pretentious and makes no sense! It's thematic! Anyway I'll shut up now.

[bloos-bloo]

I’m feeling brave today

I got a few bones to pick about this whole thing. So lemme give you all my thoughts about Ranboo's apology:

First of all, I think this was a way better statement and apology. From the first stream, I didn't see an issue with it until I started thinking about it. I'm glad it was readdressed appropriately. I also see where he was coming from, and it's true. The people who do need to hear what he has to say about racism won't tune into the stream because they won't want to hear it. They want to believe that they're good and perfect and nobody will ever hurt them.

What did bother me was the fucking chat. It's something that Ranboo can't control, but holy fuck. You guys literally did what he said not to. YOU DIDN'T LISTEN. HELLO?? ARE YOU OK IN THE HEAD? I literally saw someone put RanbooTalk?? Quit your shit. Yes, he's talking about racism, yes it's the blm fist. BUT THERE'S A TIME AND PLACE?? I had to close chat because it's the damn hearts all over again. You guys were busy CHATTING and not LISTENING. Get your shit together and be like the others who lurked or LISTENED.

Anyways, if you're mad that this stream was on National Ranboo day. Get out. Leave. THERE'S A TIME AND PLACE AND NOW WAS NOT THE TIME. It was the best day to do it. ITS ABOUT THE COMMUNITY. They didn't mention the Discord, but at least it was acknowledged that there were topics missed. Not a lot of creators stay on their socials 24/7. And somethings do get buried when it's massed mentioned. At least it will get talked about soon, as they said.

I do find this apology to be genuine. It's so much better, and I do accept it. Ranboo did a better explanation and cleared up miscommunication/bad actions. But who should be apologizing is Bootwt. You guys aren't better. You're as bad as the rest. Get a grip on your ego and FUCKING ADMIT IT. You're the reason why the community got worse, fix. it.

I originally posted this on twt, but again, I felt brave. Some of the blogs here need to chill out too.

[helioshellion]

oh hey i have a question that you totally dont have to answer again if you dont want to but!! a while back when you did that yakuza ask meme you answered a question regarding whether or not you thought kiryu was a good father to haruka/daigo and i remember really agreeing with what you said and ive been trying to talk about that with some other friends of mine and remembering that you articulated it way better than i ever could and now i cant find the ask/answer back </3 so i was wondering if you’d be able to share your thoughts about that again? its ok if not! congrats with your top surgery btw best wishes with your recovery!!!

I’m unsure of how to find it right now but if you search something like “d6 kiryu father figure” buzz words like that I’m sure you’ll find it. Otherwise, Kiryu I believe is a character guided by his past. He doesn’t have the foresight to view anything in his past as an overtly negative or harmful thing upon him and him alone. Especially in regards to how he views Kazama. He, to this day, idolizes Kazama and views Kazama’s parenting as the ideal form of which to parent. This now extends to the people he calls family. He loves Haruka and Daigo very deeply, along with his other children, however due to, once again, his upbringing, he handles them like Kazama handled him. Extremely hands off in a way, very “figure it out”. When he sees pain in Haruka and Daigo, he doesn’t realize that it could be caused by him. Instead he sees himself in them, and thinks “this is normal” because that’s how he was, and he thinks he was perfectly fine as a child. Therefore Haruka and Daigo are, too. I believe in a perfect, perfect therapy world or something, Kiryu isn’t a good father figure. But in a world such as this, he is the best he can do. But now Haruka and Daigo are left with the pieces Kiryu left with them. Kiryu never had a wicked bone in his body when it came to his kids, and he tried to do everything he could to be good by them. It’s tragic in a way, but also something I think a lot of people can. Sort of see themselves in, or at least maybe their own parental figures. Kiryu couldve been a better figure, but that would’ve required a sense of…self-reflection in him without degradation. Kiryu is very “fight or die” mindset, if he can’t get it right he should just explode. And so if kiryu would self reflect, it would be extremely unhealthy due to him immediately turning to self deprecation and hatred.

Anyways. I believe in characters like Daigo and Haruka to be strong enough to reflect in the ways Kiryu couldn’t. And it’s been shown on screen. It’s not their responsibility to fix Kiryu, but it is their responsibility to gain hold over their own lives separate of Kiryu. Kiryu had extremely good aspects of himself, things Haruka and Daigo can take and incorporate into themselves. This was Kiryus failing, taking everything he could of Kazama into himself, the positive and the negative. But the negative took too much out of him, too much control.

But I may just be insane and crazy but those are my thoughts. Thank you for the ask!

[bichitosdecolores]

i just finished totk and a link between wolds and i have thougths.

under the cut. (ill put a little spoiler warning when nessesary)

this ran out of my control so beware a really long post down there

a link between wolds first

ok okokokok. so. this is the greatest game of all time. the concept of link turning unidimensional its the most unique and cool ive seen in a zelda game. the puzzles are so cool and exploring the world(s) its so much fun.

also skyward swords its usually said to be the one that broke the zelda formula but albw also did. you can solve the dungeons in any order you want and get the items for a weird little creature (aka my new favorite character) with rupees at any time in the game.

i also loved the story. spoilers start here

This was my seventh zelda game and its definitely not my favorite story wise. BUT. the concept of it its so interesting. the twisted hyrule aka lourde its great and also hilda aka evil zelda its so interesting as well as ravio aka the weird link its the greatest reveal ive seen in a zelda game. and the twist of hilda being behind all the evil plan also surprised me.

another thing i found really interesting its the fact that the triforce its completed by the end of the game and Link and Zelda get to make a wish. because this is a concept that its been established in a lot of the games ive played but ive never actually seen it happening (i suppose its because of the downfall timeline or whatever).

spoilers end here

ill say the only thing i didnt love about the game is its difficulty. ive only played another 2d zelda game (links awakening) but in comparison this one its too easy. i died a total of 2 times, one of them in the final boss (which is a really cool fight btw). so yeah, kinda easy but not really a complaint.

totk time

man. what do i say about this game.

i didnt love botw and i usually dont like 3d games. but i guess i cannot longer say that because i love totk. its so fun and big (how does it run in the swich).

also playing totk made me appreciate botw more. its so cool how even without the main story both games tell a different story and how besides link being almost and avatar he gets to have so much story, growth and personality. In botw link is almost always alone, literally only accompanied by the ghost of his past. while in totk a lot of npc recognize him, help him and just are there with him. also hyrule tell its own story; in botw its almost a post apocalyptic (ex) kingdom. npcs are always in tiny towns, and the few that leave are scared and in danger. and everything its destroyed, gannon its trapped in the castle and theres no hope for the kingdom. but the in totk they are rebuilding!. i have never been this emotional about a bunch of npcs as i am with totk/botw once. they go out to explore and treasure hunt!. there is a school!, a newspaper!. they know zelda and link and hyrules story!. they let link sleep and gives him weapons and food whenever for free!.  im not crying i promise (lie).

and the amount of storytelling that theres is the world alone its insane. i get sad everytime i catch some poes because they are the souls of the fallen hyrule warriors and people from before botw.

now lets talk about link (again) and zelda because they had taken over my mind. link and zelda from botw failed. thats the whole point of the story. they failed the first time, they couldnt save their friends, their kingdom, they didnt defeat ganon, link couldnt defend zelda. so then 100 years latter they have to fix it and save what is left of the kingdom they couldnt protect. botw its so sad. even when they win, the kingdom its still broken and they friends are still gone.

then in totk they do everything they can to help the new hyrule, and when it its in danger again, they fight. in botw, i like to think most of the time link will be running in the wild (dah), camping alone, then go and defeat gannon on his own (the champions help but they are ghost and it was their duty anyways). and then, in totk the very first thing link does after living the sky its go to the fortress (idk its name) where there is people willing to help, then he go and travel finding and helping people on its way. they want link, the hero, to help them fight this monsters, because its gives them hope. he goes to see his friends and they willingly help him. they don't have to risk their lives but zelda asked them to help link and of curse they will. they trust him. he is their friend, and they wont let him be alone.

now a little bit of spoilers

when link goes to the castle, expecting to fight ganandof alone and then the sages show up and deflect the attack i almost cried. then at the end of the game when link loose contact with them and still goes in alone and they show up again.  im...  ;-;

and zelda!. my girl fought so much and she was alone for so much more i want to give her a hug. when she gets turned back to human and she says she was sure she would be gone (a dragon) forever... ;-;

end spoilers

now lets talk about that final fight.

damn, what a good fight. i was there for so long (my fault for getting there with 3 hearts and no food), but we did it and it was amazing.

ok thats it. in conclusion a link between worlds its almost as good as links awakening but im going to say its my new favorite zelda game because it deserves so much more love that it gets. also cook some food before you go to end game, believe me youll need it.

[vampacidic]

i need to flesh out my quarry enstars au more Sigh.... hold on. i'm going to write my thoughts down More under the cut uhhh. warning for body horror/gore/that vein of Stuff... its all Mild i think but yknow. waves

i feel like. ok. i'm playing around with character roles but the narrative largely stays the same. stupid teenagers do stupid things and then they Die. anyway. valkyrie are max + laura just because the idea of shu itsuki a) driving and b) almost hitting something in the road with his car is so funny to me. anyway. mika is the one trying to fix the car so shu's fucking around and looking while mika is like 'oshi san it's so scary out there 🥺' anywya. blah blah blah Yknow how this game goes probably

when they end up at the camp house this time it's mika who's sure about there being Something there for them to find (there's not) but he finds the storm shelter and makes shu help him open it... shu is hesitant about the whole thing ('kagehira, weren't we instructed to head to the motel?') but he's willing to humor mika...

Now about who gets werewolfed... part of me wants to go with shu just because i loooove the idea of shu's disgust with himself when he finds out. he's so completely 100% in control Always that when he yknow. turns into a bloodthirsty monster once a month. it does not exactly go well. he hates being brain dead he needs to make sure he's respectable Always. i love that contrast... also i think he deserves to get a chunk ripped out of his shoulder. from there i also like the idea of mika thinking it's his fault that shu ended up like this.. it's closer to laura's motivations concerning max. in this case mika absolutely tries to help shu out of the storm shelter and hurts himself in the process... he drops shu down the stairs again and is about to lunge for him when he gets tranquilized yknow. also mika with an eye patch fucks

but the other way around is also fun... mika's still just as freaked out as he was before but this time he gets mauled by the Thing in the shelter... the 'i'm bleeding a lot... huh...?' line goes so well with him. here shu definitely just leaves mika... he's shocked by the turn of events so much so he just Can't face it and he just bolts. mika still idolizes shu though... he’s not at all upset his oshi-san would leave a worthless doll who cant even avoid getting bitten behind <3 shu does feel a bit guilty about the abandonment though... he wont admit it but he does try and fix mika. he disguises it as “how will i function as an artist without my muse?” but there is some genuine feelings beyond that though....

[euphoricdr3ams]

There’s many things that don’t make sense to me in this healing journey.

1. The idea of we’re all here to support you. I know you are but what I really just want is for ppl to just fix it and resolve it for me. But they can’t. No one can.

2. What’s the purpose of feeling any feelings if the end results is to just accept it and say “it is what it is”. What is the reason behind it ? It’s not present to go through or think about the past.

3. If I make it through all this as some ultimate healed version of myself or whatever. There’s no guarantee that my life will be better. I could still end up in the same situation with my walls as tall as the sky and my fortress protected. For the same ain’t shit person. With a new name but same personality to come in and destroy everything. So what would be the purpose of building the wall. People are just going to take and steal and sneak their way it. Like why bother with all that. Sure maybe you’ll get ward away the worst of the worst but you have no guarantee. Then you’ll be just as destroyed as the last person who did that to you

4. Time heals all. Yes but is it really healing or are we all just waiting for the days to go by and get so distracted with everything else that we no longer give a shit anymore. Like just cuz the days go by doesn’t indicate any sort of growth it’s literally just the days the seasons and the weather going. So what exactly are we healing.because if we were all backed into that same corner again we would be just as upset as if it was yesterday or whatever you’re healed from still keeps you up at night.

I think we’re all just gaslighting ourselves and are suffering under the foot of capitalism. Capitalism only solution is fix it yourself, it is what it is, and the time heals all. That’s its only solution to these problems. Truly engaging with the concept and the idea of “you’re not ok” is dangerous and life threatening. Cuz what happens after.

You break.

You can’t afford to break when there’s bills to be paid.

You can’t afford to break if you are given an advantage in life

How dare you have a break?

You need to control your emotions

But also feel all your emotions so you can heal.

What is it then ?

Cuz if I heal then I’ll just be surrounded by ppl who aren’t and then what. Live in isolation or spend years trying to find a community of ppl who are healed.

Honestly right now it’s fuck that.

I rather live in my delusions and just ignore everything. That’s what everyone else is doing anyway. The get wrapped up in tv music men career. Did they ever take a second to think about their trauma? Maybe 4 out of the 10 but most probably not. They just got so distracted with everything else that it basically blocked out and pretended as if it never happened. That’s what’s worked in the past for me so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. And even if it breaks.

Who cares

Everyone else is a liar anyway

[nisaadventures]

“It’s your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don’t take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.” - Betty White

Before the day begins I just want to start on a good note. This is not to say each day doesn’t because they generally 100% do.

Today is my 33rd birthday. *Wide eyes & raised eyebrows* I still feel hella young (lol sincerely and jokingly said).

I’ve learned so much this year, about life, myself, leaning into self-love, leaning away from comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I’d love to say, just don’t do it… but we are human and there will always be moments where we either do compare or are tempted in that direction. I have found that if I focus on my life, there are endless opportunities for joy.

The dogs seemingly enjoy their meals because they’re still licking the bowl after its empty, joy.

Jay playing music and cooking dinner/meal prep in the kitchen, joy. All the gratitude when the kitchen is even clean when he’s done (Thank you, hunny!).

Walking to Kuya’s house to workout and hangout, always joy. It’s always an added bonus that Nina has kept coming, despite my crazy programmed core workouts (lol ok they’re not crazy. You might like them if you tried *wink*).

When I bought a new salad spinner, fixed the AC, installed the new doorbell (lol) all the things people deem ‘adulting.’ Yup, those are joy too. Me being a list person, whenever I can cross something off or get something done, so much joy.

And that may sound silly, but if we can find joy in the day to day, the things some would call mundane, then not a day will go by that you don’t find it. Perspective is important here. We obviously can’t control life and things get thrown our way all the time: the shitty driver who almost hit us on the way to work, your dog chewing the corner of your couch, the weather, a crazy day at work because who knows (was it a full moon again?), etc. etc. etc. Now lets not go into this with that toxic positivity. I’m not saying your perspective will magically make everything better and its sunshine and rainbows… but when we practice self-awareness and mindfulness we learn to process.

Take today for instance… or this time of year for that matter. I know its a hard time of year for me. As my motivation decreases, distractibility increases, and I easily cry, I know its because the associations, its triggering. I wish my birthday wasn’t such a trigger… I definitely find reasons to be thankful. I think by thinking that I have to be happy or excited around this time, I set myself up. Isn’t it just an expectation that society has placed on us that our birthday should be an exciting time of year? Because as kids our birthdays meant parties, family, fun, and gifts. Not to say those aren’t all good things.

Anyway, my train of thought it like woooo… happens a lot.

I think its important to understand that associations can change, feelings evolve, and our perspective and self-awareness can help shape a lot of that. I know this is a hard time and I also know that happiness in this time is also a thing. The duality of adulthood and if you haven’t seen Inside Out… I mean simply said. The duality of emotion is a beautiful and complicated thing. So though I may be sad, I’ve learned to lean into the joy.

If you’re struggling with grief, comparison, growing up, accepting change, whatever it may be, just know you’re not alone. Thank you to all my loved ones and those of you who still pop in to read my now very occasional posts and external processing. I am very thankful for all the people in my life and even for those who aren’t.

“Each day comes bearing its gifts. Untie the ribbon.” - Ann Rush Schabacker