#but that having shared responsibilities would make my life so much easier/my situation more secure. That shit is Not Fair.)

[strohller27]

.

[bella-rose29]

Deck the Halls (and not your partner) - part 8

from here on out this series is just going to be Lockwood and reader bonding and being annoyingly good together while coming up with steadily more ridiculous ways to piss off the bitchy cousin bc she's trying to get revenge

with that said lockwood does have a brief sad moment :(

Word count: 7.1k

Warnings: swearing, references to sex (both mild and slightly less mild), sleepy lockwood, he can't talk properly when sleepy, the whole morning thing is just what I want to happen in my own life tbh, Steph (the Bitch), lockwood remembers his childhood (might make you sad), brief mentions of murder?? hypothetical murder though (that will make sense I promise), a really intense snowball fight, (can you tell I'm an archaeology student from the way I describe building forts and mud huts?), lockwood gives all the teams in the snowball fight names and they are very basic but I love them

That night when Y/n and Anthony went to bed, they stood staring awkwardly at the bed for five minutes.

"Well that armchair can't be comfortable," Y/n said, glancing sceptically at it. She wasn't sure where Anthony had slept the night before after their argument, or even if he'd slept at all, but she didn't feel right about taking the whole bed for herself anymore now that their situation had changed.

She would do it if he insisted, of course, but there would be a very tiny part of her brain telling her to be the better person. It was unlikely that she'd listen to it.

"I got used to it, and I've slept in worse places. You take the bed again. The bath surely couldn't have been nice to sleep in."

"It was actually a lot more comfortable than you'd think." They kept on looking at the bed, both in their pyjamas (Y/n had stolen one of Anthony's t-shirts already, and when she'd first walked out of the bathroom in it he'd kissed her for a good few minutes in a way that left them both breathless). "Maybe... maybe we could share? I don't know if that's too soon or anything but honestly if we've been supposedly dating since April then I think we're way past that."

"If you're happy with it then I am, darling."

"Alright. I'm having this side though." A couple of minutes later the two of them were under the covers and settled in, and Y/n reached over to turn off her bedside lamp. The room was immediately shrouded in darkness, and suddenly it felt a lot colder than before, despite the fact she was buried under the duvet. "Ant?"

"Yeah?"

"... Can I move a bit closer to you? I'm cold." She didn't get a verbal response, instead receiving the sounds of the sheets crumpling and a body shifting, and a few seconds later Anthony's warmth was surrounding her as he took her into his arms and laid her on top of him. She tangled their legs together and wrapped an arm around his torso, and he brought both of his arms around her to secure her in place.

"Is that better?" he asked, and from where her head was resting on his chest she nodded.

"Much better. Thank you."

Her breathing evened out not long after, and she fell asleep to the slightly faster than usual beating of Anthony's heart.

~~~

When morning came (or rather when the sun finally rose over the horizon, since it was just after 8 AM), Y/n woke up and tried to turn over to stretch, but found that her movements were restricted by a weight on her side.

An investigation of what was happening lead to the discovery that Anthony was now lying on top of her instead of the other way around like they had been when they went to sleep, and that was why she couldn't turn over. She went to shift him off of her, but as she went to move him she caught a glimpse of his face and realised that he looked so peaceful asleep she might just let him stay that way. He barely got enough sleep as it was, so why cut it short when he was finally getting some rest? God knew he needed it with how hard he worked to keep the company going, although that had been much easier in the past year as they had gained more popularity among the people of England (their name had been spread far and wide by happy clients).

He wasn't entirely on top of her, more lying on his stomach next to her while he rested his head on her shoulder and spread his arm out over her middle, but the weight was enough that movement was restricted. A light knock sounded from the door, making Y/n look away from her new boyfriend's face to see who it was. For some reason fear gripped her as the handle turned, but when the door opened a few seconds later to reveal her father she let out a sigh of relief. She had been worried that Stephanie was starting her research into how she was going to get her revenge already, but Y/n's cousin was almost certainly still asleep at this hour.

"Just got some tea," he whispered after Y/n put her finger to her lips, pointing down at the still-sleeping Anthony. "Where should I put it? Just here? Alright, there you go. I think we're all just going to lie in bed for as long as we think we can get away with, so don't worry about coming downstairs yet if you don't want to."

"Thanks, Dad." He crept back out the room, wincing slightly when the door hinges protested as he pulled it shut, and then he was padding down the hallway back to his own room. Soft sounds from just below her head made Y/n look down at Anthony, who had apparently been woken by the door closing. He rubbed at his eyes, blinking furiously as he attempted to properly shake himself awake, and pushed himself up a little to sleepily smile down at her.

"Morning, darling," he murmured, dropping his head to press a small kiss to her lips. "D'ya sleep alright?"

"Mmhm. Did you?" Anthony only nodded in response, eyes drifting shut every few seconds as he tried to stay conscious long enough to hold a conversation with her.

"You can go back to sleep if you want, although Dad just brought tea in if you want it."

"Ooh, that would be brilliant. D'ya want me to pour it?" Y/n stifled a giggle at his slightly slurred speech, and starting to move into a sitting position.

"Don't worry, Ant. I've got it." She poured out the water, making sure to add the honey and sugar to his at the right times, then carefully handed over the mug. "Have you got a proper hold on it? Because if you spill tea in bed then I might have to kill you."

"I can't spill tea? But how else are you meant to know that George and Flo have definitely fuc-" he was cut off when Y/n hurriedly reached out to steady his mug, the liquid inside nearly sloshing over the edge as he had been leaning in in a conspiratorial manner, forgetting he was holding a large cup of steaming hot liquid in one hand.

"Anthony! Watch what you're doing!"

"Sorry," he said, faint blush coming on to his cheeks as she scolded him. "Was jus' trying to make a joke. Although what I said about Flo and George wasn't a joke." He made a point to look her in the eyes with as much seriousness he could muster, as though it were of the utmost importance that she knew all about her colleague's sex life.

"Alright, thank you for that," she responded, making sure her tone was gentle, and when he smiled dopily she felt her heart skip a beat or two.

How the hell is he so pretty?

"You're pretty too, darling." His smile had turned smug, and she realised with a start that she'd said her previous thought out loud. Her face started heating up, and Anthony did a good job of hiding his laughter were it not for the amusement dancing in his eyes as he sipped his tea.

"Shut up," she mumbled, wanting to jab him in the side but not trusting his capabilities of holding his tea steady this early in the morning.

~~~

"Good morning, lovebirds!" Will chirped when Y/n and Anthony walked into the kitchen, and he sent a smirk their way from where he stood at the hob frying eggs. "Sleep alright?" He seemed to be asking something else though from the way his eyebrows were moving.

"Is... he okay?" he whispered instead, leaning down slightly to reach Y/n's ear.

"I talked to him in the library yesterday. After... you know."

"Ah. Right." After they had argued and then made up and then made out. "Does that mean he's up to date then?"

"Yep."

So Will knew about all of that. This could be interesting.

"They must have slept fine," Ben started, pulling out the toast that had popped and putting in more slices. "Y/n looked like she'd only just woken up when I went in with tea, and Anthony was fast asleep."

Anthony felt a blush rise up his neck and cover his face at the realisation that Ben had seen him draped over his eldest daughter, but the fond smile that appeared on Y/n's face made it worthwhile. She was wearing one of his jumpers again (she had really leaned into the habits of being his girlfriend already, which meant that many of his t-shirts and jumpers were suspiciously not in the drawers he had originally put them in), and was cosying up to his side as he leaned back against the kitchen island.

Y/n looked like she was about to say something, but at the exact moment she opened her mouth another voice was already filling the room.

"Morning everybody! How are we all today? Isn't the snow just gorgeous?"

Emma grimaced slightly before she turned around, sharing a glance with Anthony before greeting her niece. "It is, Stephanie. I take it you slept alright?"

"Oh yes, thank you!" She was weirdly chipper for somebody who had been acting like a raving lunatic the night before, and Anthony couldn't help but feel unease creep up his spine at her wide grin.

What was she up to?

"Hello, you two! Are you looking forward to going out in the snow later? I shall have to drag you out, Y/n/n, since you hate going outside!" Anthony frowned. Y/n wasn't the biggest fan of the outdoors, but whenever they gained even the slightest amount of snow she was out of the house in a flash, laughing and spinning around the street while it fell. Anthony had always accompanied her, giving the excuse that he wanted to be nearby if she tripped and fell so he could laugh (to which Lucy, George, and Holly had looked at him dubiously).

But really it was because it had been so long since he had seen anyone so carefree.

He had loved the snow as a little kid, running around trying to catch the snowflakes on his tongue, building snowmen, making snow angels, having snowball fights with his family.

Then he had been on his own, and suddenly the snow was no longer a source of warmth for him. He had looked at the roads paved in white and felt as cold as the outside air, good memories being brought up and tainted the longer he stared at it.

He could see where he had set up a fort in defence against his father and sister's attack, crouching behind the wall with his mother while they laughed so hard their sides hurt.

He could see where the four of them had laid down in the thick snow, spreading out their arms and legs and sweeping them back and forth, back and forth. Jess had deliberately laid down close to him so they could hit each other playfully.

He could see where he and Jess had made their snowman (although they called it a snow ghost), carefully picking through the undergrowth to find the perfect stones that were just right for the features.

He could see all of that when he saw snow, and eventually he had stopped looking.

But then Y/n had come along, bright and burning, and when she had experienced her first snowfall at 35 Portland Row she had shrieked with joy. Within moments she had shrugged on her thick coat and boots, hat haphazardly shoved on her head and gloves neglected as she shot out the front door, and the other members of the agency were left behind to wonder what on earth was happening.

The other three were quick to follow, leaving Lockwood inside to watch from behind the glass barrier, and for the first time in years he looked outside and saw the snow.

He also saw Y/n fall on her ass incredibly dramatically, and immediately good memories were being created again.

It took him another year to actually go outside in the snow again, and by this point he was deeply entrenched in the hating game that he had with Y/n that he used his excuse of wanting to see her fall over.

He didn't admit to himself for a while that the real reason he was in the cold with her was to make sure that she didn't fall over too hard, or get knocked over by a car that hadn't realised anyone would be on the road (really, why couldn't she have gone in the back garden?), or even because being outside when she was this happy was making him forget that he couldn't feel various parts of his body due to the biting air.

So hearing Steph say that she was going to have to drag Y/n, the girl who loved snow, outside into the snow, didn't make sense to Anthony. He glanced at Y/n where she was stood at his side and realised that she had told her family she didn't enjoy the snow, because there was nothing on her face that said she was confused like he was.

He really hoped they could leave this place soon, because while Y/n's parents and siblings were wonderful, her aunt (who had been sat in the corner sneering at the couple) and her cousin were not. The constant remarks about Y/n's body, how she acted, how she ate, her job, her life, what she enjoyed doing and what she didn't, it can't have been healthy for her to grow up with those comments, and apparently Y/n had been lying to them about herself to get some of it to stop. Anthony suddenly felt even more awful for the things that he had said over the years, and he dropped his head to meet the top of Y/n's to press a kiss there. She looked up in surprise, a question on her face, and he only shook his head and laced their hands together.

He wasn't going to hurt her again, not now that he had a chance with her. And if anyone else hurt her? Well, he would just have to ask which one of them was picking up the shovel, and who was taking the body bag.

~~~

After breakfast everybody wrapped up as warmly as they could and headed out into the snow. It really was insane how much snow they had had, given it was England and they were unused to the sort of snow they saw described in other parts of the world. Anthony had grabbed Y/n's hand after Stephanie tried to get there first, and when she had tried again to be the one accompanying Y/n outside he pulled her out the front door where John and Sam had started clearing a path.

"Ant, slow down! You're gonna pull my arm out of its socket!"

"You'll be fine. I'll give you CPR."

"Ant, you can't give me CPR to fix my arm not being attached to my body anymore."

"Oh. Well I might as well do it anyway, just in case it does help." He was tugged backwards when Y/n came to a stop behind him, and turning around he realised they had travelled quite far from the house.

"Anthony."

"Yes, my darling?"

"Do you just want to give me CPR because it gives you an excuse to kiss me?" He tried not to blush too hard at how quickly she had figured out his ulterior motive, but recovered just as fast with a smug smile.

"I don't need an excuse, darling. I just need to know you consent." She pushed forward, hand still linked with his, and planted a kiss on his mouth.

"Unless I physically assault you, Anthony, then consider me always consenting to you kissing me."

"Perfect."

He kissed her again, trying not to smile too much since it stopped them from kissing more, and wrapped both arms around her waist. She was smiling too, her cold nose pressing into his, and she let out a joyful shriek when he suddenly bent slightly and picked her up off the ground, twirling her while not ever taking his lips off of hers. When he finally put her down again he sighed in content, resting his forehead against hers and just revelling in the knowledge that they had worked through it all, and he was happy.

Then a snowball hit them square in the face, and he was spluttering while Y/n looked for the source.

"That's enough kissing, love birds! You can do that later!"

"Will." Y/n's eyes narrowed and the smile on her face was downright wolfish, and Anthony desperately hoped that she considered him a team mate or he was going to get pulverised.

"Darling, can I just ask, is it the two of us against your brother?"

"It's the two of us against them all, Ant." He knew she meant all of her family, but he couldn't help but think that she meant that it was the two of them together against the world, too. "Oh! You've never had a snowball fight with us before, have you? Basically instead of a kill-or-be-killed scenario, we combine it with capture the flag. Nana Jean has a collection of items that she gives each team, and you have two hours to build a fort and any defences you want. Then when Nana Jean says go, you've gotta get all the items in your fort, and then get all the way to Nana Jean on the front porch. It's very important that you get all the items in the fort first, because otherwise you get accused of cheating and get disqualified. Ultimately, though, nobody can trust anybody, but everyone always tries to get Steph and Linda because nobody likes them."

"So... if we can't trust anyone...?" He left the rest of his question in the air, but luckily she knew what he meant.

"Don't worry, I'll pair with you. Normally I'm with Olivia, 'cause we're meant to be in pairs, but my brothers never care about that rule. Mum'll throw at anyone, and so will Dad, my grandparents are on the porch watching from their chairs, so they'll get some good photos I imagine, Olivia is far too busy trying to look good all the time, and we need to duck!" She grabbed the front of his coat and yanked him towards the ground just as a large chunk of snow sailed through the air where their heads had just been. "Right. We need to start making some sort of defence, which shouldn't be too difficult because of how much snow there is, and then we need to start making weapons, because Nana Jean has obviously just started the timer for two hours building. Sabotage is also allowed during this time." It was both terrifying and weirdly attractive how quickly she was getting into the spirit of an all-out snow war, and within seconds Anthony found himself being put to work building walls.

He had done a similar thing with his family.

London never really had that much snow on the ground at any one time because of all the people and cars that needed to move around, and since agents still had to go out at night the roads and pathways were mostly clear to prevent any unnecessary deaths or accidents. One year, though, there had been too much snow for people to shift enough of it in one day ready for the night, and weather officials had said that temperatures would be rising anyway and the snow would melt in a couple of days. Anthony's parents had woken him early (back when he slept without an issue) and pointed out his window at the snow, and he had been so excited he had gone and jumped on Jess' bed, not caring when she swatted at him with a pillow. The four of them had then spent the day building forts in the back garden and getting their defences ready, and he and his mother had tried planning their walls strategically for the best possible advantage.

"You can't just put it all on top like that, you need to build it a bit like an igloo, or a mud hut. And make sure you've got the proper dense snow, not this superficial flaky stuff. Add some sticks and rocks and things for a bit of integrity, and pack the snow around it. That's it!"

His parents had taken fort building seriously, no matter what the material they were using was. Pillow forts were always complex too, but when finished Anthony had a castle to be king of.

"What are you doing?" Y/n asked, pulling him out of his memories. He'd been crouched down behind a bench that was in their front garden, clumping bits of undergrowth together and starting to build up the walls.

"You need to add sticks and rocks and things for integrity," he said, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Oh. That makes sense I guess. Can you-" she stopped herself for a moment to hurl a hastily made snowball at someone, and Anthony made a mental note to get her to teach George how to throw when he heard a yelp from somewhere in the garden and a cheer from Y/n. "Sorry, needed to get John. Can you like, show me what you're doing? Then we can both do it and get these walls up faster. I really think it's unfair that Will, John and Sam always team up because they all play fucking rugby, so their walls are basically done already."

"True, but we fight ghosts, darling. We know better than anyone how to win a fight, because if we lose, we quite literally die. Here, take some of this," he said, placing some of the stones he had found in her outstretched hands. "Stack them up a little bit, like I've done, yeah, that's good. Then take a whole load of snow and pack it around. It makes it a lot stronger."

"Where did you even learn how to do this? You literally never join in when we have snowball fights back home." His hands slipped when he realised that she had called Portland Row home, but he quickly recovered.

"My mother."

"Oh. Ant, I'm-"

"Don't. Don't say you're sorry. It's... it's nice, actually. Remembering her. Sad, because she's gone, but nice." He could feel Y/n watching him and he cleared his throat. "I don't know if you were in London when we had that last big snowstorm, but there was about this much of it. My parents took me and Jess outside all day and we built forts in the back garden, and then had a snowball fight. It was me and Mum against Jess and Dad. We won, of course. Mum had a really good throwing arm and Jess was complaining about the cold." He smiled at the memory of his sister's squeals when he had snuck up behind her and stuck snow down the back of her coat, running away with a gleeful laugh. An idea struck him then, and he sat up a little. "I've just had a brilliant idea on how we can piss off Steph," he said, and Y/n mirrored the shark-like smile he had on his face.

~~~

Around an hour later, pretty much everybody's forts were complete.

Will, John and Sam had taken Tom into their team (to which Y/n had complained further, since it was meant to be a pairs team situation) and their fort was huge, with walls that took up an entire corner of the garden. Steph and Linda had a pathetic looking fort since neither of them wanted cold hands or to touch the snow, but it was good enough to provide a small amount of protection for now. Emma and Ben's fort was surprisingly decent, and they had added a little turret on one side just for fun.

Then there was Anthony and Y/n's.

"What is that meant to be?" Sam shouted at them, his tone mocking. Taunts were always called out at this stage, Y/n had told Anthony, since everybody had made their defences and weapons and now they were just waiting on Nana Jean to say when they could start. "It looks like a mud hut!" John yelled, clearly thinking that they would be an easy target.

"Good," Anthony muttered, smile decorating his face. "Mud huts are weirdly strong if you build them right."

"You are so random," Y/n said, but she was looking at him with stars in her eyes. "George I would have expected this kind of knowledge, but you? Never would have guessed you knew this much about mud huts."

"My parents studied them, Y/n/n. Of course I know this much about mud huts."

"So random," she whispered under her breath, looking back out at the playing field. Each of the four teams had taken a corner (Olivia had chosen to side with her parents after they threatened to take away her tv privileges if she didn't join in), and Anthony and Y/n were in the opposite corner to The Brothers Grim (he had named them that in his head). The Bitches (Steph and Linda) were on their right, and The In-Laws (Emma, Ben, and Olivia) were on their left. That meant that they, The Love Birds, were most likely going to get attacked last. Everybody was going to be aiming for The Brothers Grim or The Bitches, since they were the strongest team and the most horrible team respectively, and Anthony and Y/n had come up with a plan.

"Are the names really necessary though?"

"What do you mean?!" He did his best to look appalled. "Of course the names are necessary, darling! How else are we meant to quickly and effectively communicate which fort we're going for?!"

"You're ridiculous, Anthony Lockwood."

"We've covered this already, Y/n L/n. I'm very aware of how ridiculous I am."

"I mean, what kind of person pretends they're a whale when drinking orange juice?"

"Yeah, but that only works if you have the orange juice with the bits in it, because then you can filter it through your teeth and-" She had cut him off with a kiss again, and while he had been in the middle of a very important explanation, he didn't mind that this was how he was being cut off. "You really need to stop interrupting me like that, darling," he said after she pulled back, but he didn't mean it. She knew that he didn't mean it either, because she was smiling softly up at him in the brief silence that they had before the fight started.

"Go over the plan one more time?" she asked.

"Sure."

~~~

Nana Jean had taken her place on the front steps, wrapped up in about ten blankets as she sat on her chair next to Gramps.

Y/n was tense, a pit of nerves forming in her stomach as she crouched next to Anthony. Their plan was supposedly foolproof, but they only had her knowledge of previous snowball fights with her family to discern what the other teams would try and do, and they could always have new tactics. The one thing they could rely on, however, was everybody attacking Steph and Linda first.

Each team had been randomly allocated an item from Nana Jean's collection, and had placed it in their fort. Their job then was to protect it at all costs, and not let it reach any of the other forts. Once in a fort, provided the thief didn't have all four items, they could be taken back along with any other items in the fort.

The Brothers Grim seemed to have the advantage, what with their huge walls and numbers, but Anthony and Y/n had spent most of their lives fighting far more threatening opponents in far more dire situations, and so this would be a breeze. With her knowledge of how her family fought (extremely dirty) and Anthony's weird knack for planning intricate extractions of items, they were sure to win.

They would even end up with time to spare to get under Steph's skin.

"Ready?" Nana Jean called out, receiving multiple affirmations in reply. "Three!"

Anthony shifted beside her, and she got ready to move.

"Two!"

The pit of nerves was filled to the brim, spilling over and making her limbs shake.

"One!"

Anthony's face was set in determination, and his eyes were flicking over the playing field as he waited. She was sure that she was doing the same.

"GO!"

Immediately action brought the front garden to life, with people running everywhere and snowballs flying to and fro, mostly missing but occasionally finding their marks. Anthony had already shot off while Y/n stayed behind with their item: Nana Jean's scarf that was too old and tattered for her to actually be kept warm by it anymore. She knew that Will would try and sneak around the back, and John would be left at their fort since he had the best aim and strongest throw. Sam would be the decoy, and Tom was just running around hitting everyone. Steph and Linda were getting annihilated, crouching down and shrieking loudly when snowballs from all directions took the top of their fort walls off. They had used the soft flaky snow instead of the proper solid stuff, and as such their fort wasn't much protection. That's what Anthony had said, anyway, and she decided that he knew what he was talking about. Y/n spotted her mother attempting to creep up behind her, and she chucked a snowball right at her face. It missed, hitting her shoulder instead, but it was enough of a threat that her mother backed off for now.

Anthony had disappeared somehow, and while she searched for a while she couldn't spot his skinny beanpole frame anywhere. That was probably a good thing, she thought, because if she couldn't find him, then their first target definitely couldn't.

Olivia made for Y/n then, battle cry piercing the air, but before Y/n could even take aim her sister was taken down by someone else's snowball, quickly followed by a "YES! HA HA!" that told her it was Tom. She looked through the gap in the bench that Anthony had left while building their fort, and saw her youngest brother doing a victory lap of the field, getting hit by snowballs but carrying on anyway.

"Got it," Anthony said, making her jump and nearly hit him. "Woah! It's me!"

She did hit him then, hissing her response. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry, darling, sorry. Got it though!" He smiled triumphantly, looking very proud of himself as he lifted up the woollen hat that had been the item belonging to The Brothers Grim.

"Excellent!" She planted a kiss on his frozen lips and he grinned even more widely as he put the hat down. "Did they see you?"

"Nope. I told you earlier, I'm like a ghost myself." He had said something to that effect earlier on, but she hadn't really been paying much attention because she was too busy thinking how gorgeous he was when he got excited. He was like a puppy, and she could practically see his tail wagging while he looked at her with those brown eyes.

"Yeah, you certainly look like one right now," she snorted. "I'm pretty sure you're the same colour as the snow."

"Oi, my ghostly complexion is going to win us this thing, alright? Anyway, it's your turn to go out. Here." He handed her the large rock that they had found, and kissed her on the cheek. "Go get 'em," he winked, and then she was off, leaving him to guard their fort while she made for her parents.

Unfortunately they saw her coming immediately, but purely because Tom was still running around like a headless chicken and had screamed "Y/N'S COMING! Y/N'S COMING!"

"Dammit, Tom," she muttered, frown on her face. She had hidden the rock in her coat pocket since it was the right size (She and Anthony had made sure they would fit properly), but she still had to get the large gloves from their fort. The stone didn't matter now, because they had seen her, so all she needed to do was snatch their item and get back without being brought down. Luckily the gloves were tied together, which meant she only needed to grab one and she could be off again. Her parents were already tiring, she could tell, but years of being an agent and building up the stamina needed to run away from Visitors all night meant that Y/n was only just getting started. She dodged the snowballs that were thrown her way, and slid behind The In-Laws' walls, taking part of it with her. "I'll take those, thanks!" she said, picking up the gloves and immediately running off again, trying to ignore the snow she could feel melting down her spine. "Here," she huffed when she got back to her own fort, nearly knocking Anthony over.

"Oh, perfect! You alright to stay here while I get the last one? Or did you wanna pause for a moment? I don't think The Brothers Grim have noticed their item is missing yet, but your parents are definitely going to start making their move on us soon."

"Just gimme a moment to catch my breath, and I'll be good to go." She had collapsed into his side, clutching her stomach and trying to control her breathing, and he wrapped his arms around her briefly.

"As much as I would love to stay like this all day, darling, I do also need to throw snow at your family because they're coming this way."

"Oh, yeah. Go for it," she replied, sitting up again. Anthony picked up a snowball in each hand and chucked them over their walls, and although Y/n couldn't see who it was she did hear an "oof!" a few seconds later. "I've still got the rock from The In-Laws attempt in my pocket, so I can go and get The Bitches' item if you wanna keep throwing? You're better at it than me 'cause I can only use one arm. The other one is shit at throwing."

"You sure?" he asked, picking up another snowball. She nodded. "Alright. You know what you're doing, yeah?"

"Yep. I'll see you in five, Schmoopie."

"Why are you calling me Schmoopie? That's my name for you!" he called after her, playful frown on his face. Her only response was laughter, which she quickly stifled as she hid behind the thick oak tree closest to Steph and Linda's fort. Their item was a snowshoe, although where Nana Jean had even found one of those was a mystery. The rock she had in her pocket wasn't really big enough, but if she covered it in a bit of snow then it would be good enough to fool them. Anthony's intricate extraction plan for getting all the items had been to use decoys after sneaking up on each fort, and so far their first target, The Brothers Grim, hadn't even noticed. They were too busy fighting off Olivia, who had turned slightly feral over the course of the fight, and Tom, who had apparently decided that no team was better than the team he had created for himself, and was throwing snow at everyone including himself. Y/n crept forward slightly to assess how long she had before either her cousin or her aunt turned around, but then snow started hitting their nearly-destroyed fort again and she knew that Anthony was working on the distraction for her. Tom started attacking Steph and Linda again too, and while her Dad had joined Olivia in attempting to break down the walls of The Brothers Grim's fort, their attack was weakening.

She needed to move fast.

Y/n made her move then, bending down to grab some snow in one hand, and readying the rock in her other, and headed in the direction of Steph and Linda's backs. They were too busy trying to remake their walls, which meant they had left their snowshoe unguarded behind them. She dropped the rock in the snow, then picked up the snowshoe, and in the next five seconds had shoved the snow in her other hand down the back of Steph's jacket and sprinted away. Her cousin's screams followed her the short distance back to her fort, and Anthony didn't need to ask how it had gone when he heard them. "All four items, safe and sound. Now we've just got to get to Nana Jean without them getting taken off us."

That was the hardest part, since Nana Jean was sat on the front porch nearly completely opposite them. They would have to cross the entire playing field and pass The Brothers Grim fort to get to her.

"Alright. You take these. You can't put them in your pockets, which is annoying, but otherwise we'll be disqualified for cheating. You ready?" she asked Anthony after loading his arms with the items. He nodded, fiery determination in his eyes.

"I'm ready. Remember the weak spots in their walls, yeah?"

"Yep." She had memorised the points that Anthony had pointed out to her earlier, and thanked his parents for showing him how to build excellent forts.

"Okay. Three, two, one, go!" They stood up from behind their walls and started running, Anthony's long legs carrying him across the field while Y/n periodically stooped to grab more snow and compact it into a good enough shape that she could throw it far. He nearly made it, and then Will appeared out of nowhere to take him down. Anthony twirled out the way (always the fancy one), and Will missed catching him by a hair's breadth, but now there was more of a distance between Anthony and Nana Jean.

"THEY'RE GONNA WIN!!!" Tom shouted, and suddenly all of Y/n's family members were closing in on her and Anthony with snowballs in their hands.

"RUN!" she screamed, begging her legs to respond. They were slightly numb from the cold now.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?!"

Nana Jean had her arms outstretched from where she sat on the porch, and Y/n was momentarily blinded by the flash of her Gramps' camera just inside the window. She threw what snow she could at both people and forts, picking out the points where Anthony had said were weakest and aiming, and sure enough within moments part of The Brothers Grim's fort had collapsed, and the brothers themselves were crying out in anger.

Time passed slowly and in a blur, and before she knew it Anthony was up the steps and shoving the items into Nana Jean's arms and collapsing at her feet, then letting out a small cry of pain when Y/n landed on top of him. "Did we do it?" she asked, expression wild as she tried to catch her breath. Anthony didn't say anything, his face not revealing anything.

Then he cracked a smile, and it was like the sun had come out. "We did it!"

"You did it, love," Nana Jean said from above them, looking fondly down at her granddaughter where she was lying on the floor.

Y/n immediately pushed herself up (that made Anthony make another "oof" since she had braced her full weight on his chest) and turned around, pointing at all her gathered family members who were stood looking sorry for themselves (apart from Tom, he was still running around and throwing himself in the snow) and shouting "HA! WE WIN, SUCKERS!"

~~~

"Thanks," Y/n said, gladly accepting the mug of tea that Anthony handed her. He smiled down at her, one of those soft secret smiles that he kept for the people he loved, and sat next to her on their loveseat.

She wasn't sure when she'd started calling it their loveseat, but that was what it was, she supposed. Nobody else sat on it apart from them, and now they were cosying up like they always did. She had slung her legs over his and made sure not to spill her tea while he adjusted.

"That's nice and warm," he said, holding it under his face to heat up his frozen features. Y/n hummed her agreement, sipping on her own tea.

Everyone was snacking on random bits of food from the still-extensive collection (despite how much had been eaten at the party), and Anthony had brought over a bowl of bits for the two of them to share. Despite the slight chill that still sat in her bones, she was warm, and as she watched Anthony converse with her Gramps she realised that it was him making her warm.

Not his body heat, although he was surprisingly warm for somebody who had been running around in the snow all day, but rather the feelings he was stirring up in her. He made her feel warm just by interacting with her family, just by allowing her Gramps to tell him jokes that the rest of them had all heard a million times, just by even being here with her. He hadn't needed to come with her, and in fact he had argued against it and compromised, saying if she couldn't find anyone then he would do it and be unhappy, and yet he had done it anyway with a smile on his face. She'd genuinely believed that he wouldn't come with her, or would go back on his word because he thought it would be funny to watch her suffer.

But he was here, cuddled up on a loveseat with her in her family's house, talking to her Gramps about trains or something (she suspected it was more her Gramps was talking at Anthony), and he was hers.

Steph hadn't stopped watching them like a hawk since the snowball fight, but Y/n couldn't find it in her to care because she was with Anthony, and they had achieved a sliver of revenge themselves earlier. Her cousin was rightfully pissed about having a bunch of snow chucked down her back, but then again she had spent her whole life making Y/n miserable so really she deserved it.

He was her home, she realised. Not this house, not even Portland Row, despite the fact that she regularly called it that. No, neither of those places were her home.

Anthony Lockwood was.

part 9

Tag list: @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @anthgoldenhrry, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @aysha4life, @bobbys-not-that-small, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @imaginebeingmentallystable, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @lady-ashfade, @light-23, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @magicandrosewaters, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @reggiepeterss, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whistle1whistle, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife, @y0urm0m12

let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the tag list! <3

[heartsbreaking-migrated]

i know i don't really owe anyone anything in terms of explanations for what's going on in my head, but i also i know that of the 545 people following me at least one of y'all has got to having similar experiences to me. idk if i want advice or reassurance or just someone to know so i don't feel like i'm just on an island alone. (btw if you don't like oversharing this is not the post for you)

so here's a lil update ig

i think i have bpd or at least something with similar symptoms. i can't get a diagnosis or even talk about it with a professional rn because my beloved therapist is on maternity leave. the same things i'm gonna talk about in regards to my rp experience i'v experienced with friends irl i just don't have friends at home (i do when i'm at school i'm just not there rn) so it's not really getting triggered.

emotions always feel like life or death to me like, if i'm happy i'm really happy and if i'm upset it's the end of the world. my parents lecturing me? they obviously hate me and are seething with rage. irl i can be very reactive or internalize everything but online i take all the things that would normally trigger a very outward response irl and turn it on myself. so the stuff that i'd internalize normally and the stuff that i wouldn't also gets internalized. basically it's not a very nice place in my head a lot of the time. and rp makes me really happy, i love writing, i swear i wouldn't be doing this if it didn't actually feel fulfilling to me.

but the intrapersonal part is really really hard for me. i don't ever feel really secure in my relationships with people here no matter how much they affirm them with or without me asking. sometimes it feels really hard for me to "share" my friends and then i spiral because i'm both upset i have to "share" them and upset that i feel like that because i don't WANT to feel like i just want my friends to be only my friends i want to be normal about them and about things. so i'm basically either really clingy or i don't let myself reach out to anyone because i feel like i'm going to annoy them or they're gonna know i want to be their friend and not want to reciprocate even tho we're mutuals.

the worst part about it at least to me is that i know what triggers me but there's absolutely no way to avoid it in rp. irl if i know i'm gonna be in a situation thats gonna set me off i can avoid it but its much easier to fully say 'i don't want to go out today' and still be friends with someone and not be in the situation. here the situation is everything. if someone gets more asks from one person and answers a bunch all at once, my brain starts acting up even tho it has nothing to do with me. if my friend posts about their ship regularly but doesn't post about ours as often, my brain acts up. i don't want it to because logically i know it doesn't mean anything but logic doesn't help me when my brain is cannibalizing itself and physically removing myself from the situation (going offline) doesn't help because its all in my head.

my reactions either range from panic attacks that last from like 30 minutes to hours, just going completely numb and the instinct to just cut off friendships in a kinda 'they don't want me so it doesn't matter' thought process but then i have the follow up thought of 'but i like them and i need them and i don't want to lose this friendship' so i just end up stuck. i spend a lot of time just stuck in my own head.

i think i end up coming off pretty antisocial here because a lot of the time i'd rather just write with people and not make that ooc friendship because its so much easier not to react like a crazy person when i don't feel like we're friends. but i think that also limits a lot of the interactions i get and THAT triggers me cause i feel like people don't want to have more developed dynamics.

all of this is so much easier to handle when i'm going to therapy regularly and i'm in school and i have something quantifiable that i'm good at (not to brag but i'm fucking amazing at school).

i guess the reason i'm saying all of this is to say rp is fucking hard for me and i try not to mention any of this to people because i don't want to seem nuts or like a burden but i don't think that strategy is working for me anymore. there's no world where i can keep writing and hide the fact that i just don't react to shit like i'm supposed to because i'm tired.

i'm not gonna bring it up actively but at the same time like i guess having this post written and out in the ether at least while i can't go to therapy makes it all feel less heavy ya know?

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi MBTI-notes, I am an American masculine-presenting (potentially) enby in their early 20s trying to figure out my type so I can work on finding the right path. I have anxiety, depression, ADHD, a lack of socialization, and lack of life experience. I am confident that I am ISFJ or INFJ, and would like your insight into which seems more likely.

For ISFJ, I think I have immature dominant function Si because:

-I feel that I could be happy living a quiet life with my best friend as long as all my material needs are met without any stress. In other words, appreciating stability and quietly appreciating life. Feeling secure in life would give me confidence (on the flip side, I don’t often push my comfort zone because new = scary, though I’m working on it).

-I can be very insistent on following instructions to the letter. For example, even if doing step 4 before step 3 makes more sense, I will do step 3 and then step 4 because if someone wrote the instructions, then it must have worked that way in the past so I should do what has been proven to work/what I was told to do.

-I require a sense of familiarity to feel secure, and rely on past experience to make sense of things. For example, when I got a new job, despite receiving written instructions, I felt uncertain that I was going to the right place at the right time and doing things correctly until I had done it the same way multiple days in a row.

-I need to know the “proper” conduct or procedures to follow before feeling comfortable. For example, whether I should address my supervisor by their first or last name. I proceed very cautiously in new and unfamiliar situations, and don’t try new things because I am afraid of either failing or of being reprimanded.

-I am known for my attention to detail despite having ADHD. I make sure my work is typo-free and conforms to any relevant formats, such as APA, MLA, etc.

-I really dislike people who seem irresponsible, either by flippant attitude or failing to complete their work in the past.

-I easily conform to set ways of doing things and rely on authority figures. I feel directionless without being given explicit instructions or known procedures to follow. For example, I would require someone to tell me how they wanted me to put together a shelf in small steps (first go grab my tools from X location, then come back to the garage, then grab this wooden plank, etc).

-I ask redundant questions; even if I think I may know something, I often have to ask someone in authority or who knows the subject better than me before I am confident in that knowledge. For example, whether humans can lose 1 liter of blood and live or not.

-I like collecting facts, and feel confident when I can share once I know I have memorized correctly.

-I tend to ask a lot of “what” questions in conversation; clarifying basic facts as I try to keep up and trying to figure out what I can say for general responses. When I do talk, I can only really recite facts or things that happened. I don’t really have anything deep to say, or interesting insights, which I feel very self-conscious of. I’m worried people find me very simple.

-When I don’t want to do something, my sense of duty and sticking to my routine is often what makes it possible for me to follow through anyways, such as getting up for work when I dread going. However, this also makes it difficult for me to improve my situation. I find it much easier to keep doing things the way I’ve always done it, or at least accept the situation as-is, than try something new that might not work, and might even make things worse (such as moving somewhere new).

-I work hard, but I feel bad because it takes me twice as much effort to get half the results that other people can. I overwork myself because I feel like my time and effort are the only things of worth that I can offer, but also resent that fact.

-I have been criticized for being too unadventurous, inflexible, and oversensitive about minor physical discomforts.

For ISFJ, I think I have immature inferior function Ne because:

-I’m scared of unpredictable change. If something bad were to happen, like losing my house or job, I would struggle to figure out what to do.

-I feel trapped in my life, just going through the motions and checking off boxes, going from task to task understanding only the bare minimum and being forever stuck as who I am now, without the ability to improve myself or my situation.

For INFJ, I think I have immature dominant function Ni because:

-I am obsessed (negatively) with finding purpose; I feel empty and mannequin-esque without proper drive and direction. I know it’s unrealistic, but it feels like many of my personal issues would be solved by finding something that lights a fire in my soul. Until then, I have no hope for my future and daily life has no meaning. All I have are pleasant distractions, which I will look back on with regret because I will have not anything.

-I feel very detached from the world around me. This might just be the depression, though, since sometimes the feeling of detachment is a crippling feeling that I lack connection to anyone or anything.

-Nothing is ever good enough, especially myself. I can only ever see how I fail to live up to the person I want to be and have a hard time acknowledging what I do have. The fact that I have a place to live and plenty to eat isn’t good enough; I need to be smart, and charming, and talented to even think that I MIGHT be worth anything. The main thing that helps this is positive comparison to other people who are doing worse, which is not the right way to find self-confidence.

-One other thing that can help is being able to imagine myself as a character, at least when I can see myself positively. Would this scene be interesting, would it be meaningful? How would the audience react to me as a character? Would they like me?

-I am always worried about what comes next, though it doesn’t help me at all. Not being able to fully engage when things are happen means I don’t get the benefits of the experience, nor any sense of accomplishment.

-I think it’s important to delay gratification for the sake of the future, and see it as a failure when I indulge in momentary pleasures at the expense of my future self. For example, paying for an expensive meal now, or having more money for retirement.

-I am interested in speculating about potential implications (often people-based; such as whether X reaction means the person has Y or Z intentions, which means I can expect certain reactions from them later; or whether X behavior or thought means I’m a bad person), but I’m no good at it.

-I dislike people who are self-limiting, narrow-minded, shallow, and fickle. However, I'm trying not to be so judgmental, and have even started seeing some people who display these characteristics as better than me because they can function better socially and materially.

-I am scared of being called pretentious, demanding, unrealistic, and unfun. As a result, I have slowly eroded the quality of my personality and squandered my potential over the years by trying to be peppy, forgiving, approachable, and fun to be around. I never let myself express my interests in public (so I lost out on the preteen and teen experience of expressing and finding myself) and I sound stupid when I speak because I jettisoned my pretentious vocabulary.

-I’ve been criticized for being distant, overserious, and for overthinking too much.

-I have to re-process everything every time I recall it, especially if I need to recall a specific detail.

For INFJ, I think I have immature inferior Se because:

-I can be oblivious to my surroundings, which leads to me missing obvious details.

-I have a hard time adjusting to things in-the-moment; I need time to prepare. For example, I would need to know how to handle a bear attack ahead of time.

-I use sensory pleasures, such as overindulging in food, as a way of coping with stress.

-I used to envision my happiness as something that existed in the future, but as I get older and it fails to materialize (mainly because I 1) used unrealistic prerequisites to construct my imagined happiness and 2) never developed the necessary competencies to reach that future) I have started slipping into the trap of instant gratification. I want to try everything, meet people, be reckless, let loose, and actually have fun. I want to stop feeling like I need absolute control for life to go well.

For either stack, I have immature auxiliary Fe because:

-I rely on others for cues on how I’m supposed to feel or react to things. I find myself either empty or easily confused when trying to assess my own thoughts, opinions, or feelings about something even as small as whether something tastes good or not.

-I am overly influenced by others’ mannerisms, speech patterns, and moods.

-I hate how desperate I feel for connection and a sense of camaraderie. I often compromise my (already flimsy) sense of right and wrong in order to go along with what others want.

-I am paranoid about people disliking me and often hide/avoid when I feel like others have negative opinions of me.

-I find it uncomfortable bearing responsibility for things if it means people will have a negative opinion of me, though I recognize that one’s reaction to being blamed (rightly or wrongly) will also impact what others think of someone.

-I want to feel confident in my abilities, but I worry that I care more about being competent because it affects how others see me, and that I don’t care enough about it for “pure” reasons (ie. for my own sake) The same goes for wanting to help other people.

-I am deathly afraid of confrontation because it generates an unpleasant emotional atmosphere and I buckle under pressure. I allow myself to be pushed around and bullied because I can’t stand up. I’m torn between wanting to strive for my own goals (once I figure them out) and quietly carrying out the wishes of others.

For either stack, I have immature tertiary Ti because:

-When searching for an answer, I tend to skim articles to the relevant section, get my answer, and leave without trying to fully comprehend the subject matter.

-I am very lazy intellectually; I passively ingest things I enjoy and give up easily when something requires additional thought.

-I have trouble assigning priorities to different considerations, and am easily overwhelmed or confused by conflicting interests when weighing appropriate courses of action (ex. one person has a time-sensitive task they want completed, but another relevant party would be inconvenienced. The time-sensitive task has the potential for flexibility, but it would be better to complete it on time. Unsure how to proceed.)

-My thinking is generally very disorganized, and people can have a hard time understanding what I mean. In truth, I often lose track of my point or why I mentioned something or started on a certain topic.

[Addendum] One thing that I forgot to mention that probably impacted my development: my mother was extremely controlling. She insisted that I consult her before doing anything (even moving a chair to another room), that I do everything the way she prescribed, threatened to remove the bathroom locks if I ever used them (they were really only there for guests), and kept tabs on me through HS. Whenever I got hurt physically or upset emotionally—cue her dropping everything and rushing onto the scene as if it were a crisis. She tried to keep me happy and prepare me for the future, but she also took every opportunity to remind me how ignorant I was and how much I needed her. Even though she would say I was doing a good job, her constantly correcting minor ‘errors’, such as putting shoes on the "wrong way" or failing to laugh when I was "supposed to", told another story.

--------------------

I can see where the confusion comes from. If you're wondering why I highlighted some parts red, it's only to aid me when processing large amounts of text. I usually highlight any points that stick out to me as: weirdly off, out of place, illogical, contradictory, problematic, or requiring more attention. Afterwards, I can quickly review the points and put them together for analysis. The Fe and Ti sections are fine, so I'll focus mainly on the dominant and inferior.

One common obstacle I bump into during type analysis is "unreliable narration", when people make claims that don't quite add up. For example, you say: "I feel that I could be happy living a quiet life with my best friend as long as all my material needs are met without any stress." And then later on you also say: "The fact that I have a place to live and plenty to eat isn’t good enough; I need to be smart, and charming, and talented to even think that I MIGHT be worth anything." Which is it: Are you easily content or is it difficult for you to feel content? This is quite relevant to distinguishing Si and Ni. How can I get to the bottom of things when the truth remains unclear?

With regard to Si, you've done your best to make a case and it seems convincing, on the surface. However, one should always pause when the majority of examples add up to a very negative vibe that is more characteristic of a lower rather than higher function.

The evidence is trying to convince me that you are very "detail-oriented", yet I believe a more accurate description would be that you suffer from "detail anxiety". Generally speaking, a person who is naturally good with details not only has a deep appreciation of them but also doesn't tend to worry about them. Yet your relationship to details seems problematic rather than automatic, rooted in distrust/control rather than trust/mastery. Instead of using details in positive and life-affirming ways, you seem to merely use them as a means to some other end, such as avoiding mistakes that would garner you criticism. This defensiveness is atypical and reason to proceed more carefully in type assessment because it might be more indicative of Ti loop than healthy Si.

Would you agree that your approach to details is actually detail anxiety... and it perhaps stems from a deeper social anxiety… which perhaps stems from your mother constantly treating you as though you're not good enough? The part you added about your mother being very controlling is indeed crucial to the analysis. If you review everything you wrote through the lens of her parental influence, the bigger picture of your personality becomes more coherent.

You seem to have internalized her mindset to a troubling degree. The way she corrected and criticized you has led you to approach the world in an over-controlling way. The manner through which she exerts control seems to suggest some Si influence. Comparing hypotheticals, if you were both SJ, her way of educating you would resonate better than if you were high Ni bumping up against her high Si. Based on past cases I've seen, the relationship dynamic between you does seem to suggest some N versus S conflict, but more evidence is required to know for sure. Therefore, I think it is pertinent to know her type and flesh out exactly how her function expression influenced your function development.

As a reminder, people who haven't yet learned to use their dominant function appropriately tend to suffer from poor self-awareness (i.e. don't really know themselves and what they want) and low self-esteem (i.e. have difficulty believing in themselves). You exhibit both of these issues. One possibility is you've always wanted to use Ni but have been inhibited from doing so. The examples you gave for Ni don't exactly create a positive vibe either, but you seem to have a somewhat more innate understanding of how it operates than Si. Your mother's influence might have led you to believe that N is invalid or can't be trusted. Distrust of N among Ns is unfortunately quite a common affliction due to two facts: 1) Ns often suffer from minority status, and 2) intuition is much easier to cast doubt upon than sensing.

Let me pose this question: Which function, assuming you were to learn to use Si or Ni appropriately and optimally, would lead your personality development in the right direction and/or allow you to experience meaningful personal growth? I believe you have already answered: "I feel empty and mannequin-esque without proper drive and direction. I know it’s unrealistic, but it feels like many of my personal issues would be solved by finding something that lights a fire in my soul. Until then, I have no hope for my future and daily life has no meaning. All I have are pleasant distractions, which I will look back on with regret because I will have not anything."

Is there an unsilenceable force within you that wants more than what material life can offer? While this force is universal in humans and not exclusive to any one type, INFJ is the type that will experience the most pain and suffering from compromising it, whereas ISFJ is the type that most easily brushes it aside. This is one of the most glaring differences between the two types. However, the only way you can use this distinction to tell which type you are is to get in touch with who you really are, deep down. Perhaps you're not there yet.

ISFJs delight in what you somewhat derisively call "pleasant distractions". Pleasant experiences of concrete reality, especially when shared with loved ones and/or a larger community, lie at the heart of ISFJ fulfillment, which prompts them to build up elaborate routines and rituals to ensure their continuation. Hence, ISFJs are known to be "traditionalists" in the way they approach their routines and rituals as sacred. It seems you have very little understanding of this mindset given that there is no evidence of it provided.

The process of confirming the dominant function requires you to make an equally strong case for the corresponding inferior function. However, the case you've made for inferior Ne is particularly weak, with only two points, why is that? The first point you made is basically a non-point. Is it really unusual, abnormal, or unwarranted to fear big unexpected changes like losing a job or a house? I don't see how such a universal fear is indicative of inferior Ne. The second point, while arguably relevant to Ne, weirdly doesn't fit well with the inferior position. The evidence you gave for inferior Se, while also weak, is comparatively more convincing. Either you haven't understood the concept of inferior functions or you still haven't developed enough awareness of your inferior function to describe and explain its activities in detail.

For the sake of improving your self-awareness, I have to mention that an important stage in ego development is nurturing genuine adult independence. This often involves going through a difficult psychological process of differentiating oneself from parental, peer, and societal expectations. In other words, you need to learn what kind of person you really are apart from what your parents or society have inadvertently led you to believe you are. You don't seem to be there yet, though that's normal for your age bracket. It is my prediction that until you get there, you'll continue to suffer from the "detachment" you described.

You want to connect with the world better (i.e. use Fe appropriately), but how can that happen when it's unclear what it is inside you that the world should be connecting with? One vital aspect of personality development is learning about the gifts that come with your personality and not being afraid to express them. These gifts are what allow people to carve out a space in the world and find a sense of purpose that is well-matched to the core of their identity. Yet I struggle to get any sense of your gifts when reading your self-description. Your conscientiousness certainly shines through, but there should be more than that.

Generally, it seems you approach the world as though it is your mother, so you live in fear of its criticism - this is most likely the main reason you feel yourself and your life to be too small or too "simple". I suggest you take steps to overcome social anxiety in order to discover your true powers and express the more positive aspects of yourself, otherwise, you'll continue to feel uncertain about your type (regardless of how I or others type you) because you are not expressing the dominant function optimally. Maybe your mother simply doesn't recognize your gifts due to the blindspots of her personality type, or maybe the voice you've internalized from her has served to suppress the best parts of you, I don't know. In any case, it is never too late to try to get in touch with them.

At this point, I can't say for certain which type you are, though I lean more toward INFJ due to ISFJ having too many irregularities. I've highlighted some key points that need clarification or fleshing out, and I believe doing so should lead you toward the right conclusion in due time.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Casper McFadden

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Moving into a new home was never easy. Oftentimes, it meant packing up everything you owned, leaving a bunch of good memories behind, and traveling across the country to a new town where you’d have to make all new friends and renovate old fixtures.

- But there was something about your new house that made it both easier and harder to live in: the fact that it was haunted.

- Obviously your family didn’t find out about the ghosts until after they’d signed the papers and even if they were warned about it, they probably wouldn’t have believed the realtor, but none of that mattered now. Now you were stuck in a old house with a bunch of spirits, stuck until your parents save up enough money to move again.

- So what made the manor easier to live in, you may ask. Well, the fact that it came with a friend….

- You and Casper meet the day you move into the Whipstaff Manor. You’re wandering around, exploring the home and trying to figure out which room you want to live in, unaware that there’s a specter following you.

- The minute Casper sees you, he’s head over tail. You make his undead little heart race and have him second guessing his every action. Which is the main reason it makes him a while to formally introduce himself, he’s too scared that he’ll ruin his first impression.

- Sadly for him, his first impression still doesn’t go over well, regardless of how much he practiced.

- In his defense, it wasn’t anything that he did, it was more the fact that you were suddenly face to face with a phantom. Anyone would have freaked out in response to that, and they would have freaked out to any ghost as well; no matter how friendly.

- So, like the rational young woman that you are, you scream and take off like a rocket, dashing out of the room and down the hall to find a more secure and safe looking room to hide in until your parents get back from the store.

- He follows behind, attempting to calm you down and feeling downright awful for scaring you. Once you’ve locked yourself away into a broom closet, he gives you a minute to breathe before he calls out to you, telling you that he’s sorry and trying to coax you out so that you can talk.

- It takes you another minute to be convinced and to trust him when he says he isn’t gonna hurt you, but eventually, you do brace yourself and open the door.

- Once you do, you find that he really isn’t as scary as you’d originally though he was. In fact, he was actually sort of cute; in a cartoony sort of way, and he’s friendly to boot; so you wind up feeling a bit silly for being so frightened of him. And after you begin to think like that, the two of you begin to develop a close friendship.

- While his uncles might be incredibly obnoxious and annoying, you can’t deny that you enjoy having the ghostly presences in your home; especially when school roles around and you find yourself feeling like an alien with no one to turn to. You might not have any living friends in your town but you at least have a few see through ones at home that ensure you’re not completely alone.

- But, compared to your primarily platonic feelings, Caspers feelings for you were a lot more complicated. He valued your friendship and enjoyed having you as a pal, but he also had more romantic feelings towards you. In simpler terms: he’d had a massive crush on you from the moment you walked in.

- And though he’d have loved to confess his feelings and see if you felt the same, he knew that it was practically impossible for the two of you to be together; at least until you’d died …or until he was alive again!

- The minute he remembers the Lazurus he immediately erupts into a fit of excitement and joy. If you could get it to work, he could be alive again and the two of you could be together for the rest of your lives, either as friends or as something more, he honestly didn’t care which; though he hoped it was the second one.

- So he tells you about the invention and the two of you get to work. You take the wild trip down to his fathers lab, search around until you find what you’re looking for, load the contraption up with it’s necessary elixir, and pull the levers with bated breath.

- You don’t know what you’d expected to walk out of the machine but it certainly wasn’t this. Perfectly done blond hair, shining blue eyes, and a face that made you suddenly flustered to be in your best friends presence. He looked like a Disney prince and you were captivated.

“How do I look?” He asked nervously.

“Perfect,” you responded a little too quickly. “I mean, human, normal …living.”

- His face broke out into a smile and he threw his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. The action caught you off guard and made your heart race but you didn’t mind in the slightest.

- Once you’d finished hugging, he pulled away slowly and you found yourselves locking eyes. His gaze flickered to your lips and before you knew it, the two of you were leaning forward and sharing a kiss.

- His uncles may or may not have interrupted you but the “damage” was already done. You were just as hooked on him as he was on you and neither of you could be happier.

- Casper loves pda. He loves being able to actually touch you and be out in public and show the whole town that the two of you are together; even though half of them are confused as to who he is. 

- He touches you and holds you close whenever he can. He’s waited to do it since the moment he met you and now that you’re together; and he isn’t ice cold and only semi-solid, he enjoys every little ounce of affection he can provide and obtain.

- Handholding.

- Cheek kisses. 

- Long, soft kisses. They’re sort of a contrast to his usual hyper behavior, which is why, if you ever need him to calm him down and focus, all you have to do is ask for a kiss or make it obvious that that’s what you’re going to do. He skids to a stop and happily complies as he gives you an adorable little smile.

- Pet names aren’t really his thing but he does call you by fun nicknames that he’s come up with; usually a shorter or longer version of your name.

- Cuddling is a must with Casper. He absolutely loves it, no matter how the two of you do it. Sometimes you’ll lay on his chest, other times you’ll spoon, and other times you’ll face each other on the bed and talk until one of you dozes off.

- Speaking of: he definitely watches you sleep every now and again, which sounds far more creepy than it actually is. Like, you’ll be talking late at night and you’ll fall asleep and he’ll just look at your peaceful face for a while.

- If we’re going with the assumption that Casper maintains some of the aspects of being a ghost, I think it’s safe to say that he’s occasionally at least a little cooler than a normal human, which makes him the perfect companion for hot days.

- Being carried and flown around.

- Sometimes; especially prior to him being in the Lazurus, he forgets that you’re not a ghost and gets you into some uncomfortable situations. And after he turns human again, he definitely has to get used to not being able to go through walls and have things go through him when they’re thrown or fall.

- Testing out exactly what he’s still capable of doing and if there’s any limits to his new life. Is he perfectly normal? Does he have ghostly powers? Do the effects occasionally wear off during certain times or seasons? It’s all stuff you have to figure out.

- For a while after he’s brought back to life, he spends all day experiencing everything he missed when he was still alive. All the smells, sights, and touches; he runs around like Jack Skellington while you sit back and watch with a smile.

- Going to the mall. It’s one of his favorite places to visit, he just loves the entire atmosphere of the place; especially since he wasn’t really able to go and enjoy everything about it before he turned human again.

- Tv dates.

- Playing different games with each other. Board games, pirates, video games, you name it, he’ll do it.

- Sitting on top of the lighthouse with him.

- Enjoying the view from outside of the manor. You have the perfect view of the ocean from your garden so the two of you can always throw a blanket down and stare out at the sea together.

- Just goofing off with each other. Running around the house together, sliding down the stairwell, having him push you in a chair down the halls, etc. You’ve got a huge house to mess around in, why not take advantage of it?

- Dancing together. He told you he was a good dancer.

- Late night conversations. You can always talk to him about anything you want or need to.

- Catching him watching you a lot. He always has such a loving gaze when he’s looking at you, just seeing his face when he’s watching you do something or speak is reassurance that he really cares about you.

- Always having a warm and excited greeting when you return home from school. He also probably occasionally goes with you or at least walks you there or visits during lunch.

- He loves making surprises for you. Throwing you little parties or coming up with different ways to make you smile or cheer you up after school or whenever he can see that you’re feeling down is one of his favorite hobbies.

- He wants to be with you like 25/7 so don’t be surprised if he’s constantly bothering you with his presence. It’s a good thing you love him because if you didn’t he’d become very annoying, very quickly.

- Him just appearing at random is commonplace so your parents and you definitely have to take some time to get used to it. I mean he lives in your house and now that he’s human again, it’s definitely a bit easier than when he was a ghost, but still.

- Getting chairs pulled out and doors opened for you. He likes being a gentleman.

- Him cooking for you. He definitely tries to impress you with his skills and all the inventions he uses; and he just likes doing something nice like that for you.

- Discovering all his dads inventions and letting him tell you about them. It’s really quite fascinating to see how they all work and how excited he gets while showing you how to use them.

- I have a feeling that he doesn’t like winter; for obvious reasons, and whenever it comes around, all he wants to do is stay inside with you and do indoor activities. If you were to want to go out, it’d take you a while to persuade him and even if you did; or were only going out by yourself, he’d spend forever bundling you up and making up a bunch of rules to keep you safe.

- Probably dealing with his ghostly self every now and again. I have a feeling that the Lazurus machines effects occasionally wear off for a little while from time to time so while he’s alive most of the time, you do have moments of spooky transparency as well.

- Pranking each other and other people. He might be a sweetheart but he also has a bit of a mischievous streak.

- Him always wanting to show you whatever cool thing he sees, does, finds, or hears about. Just being able to share things with you makes him happy.

- Listening to his stories from when he was alive or the decades he wasn’t.

- Fixing up his room for him and hanging out up there with all his toys.

- Being gifted some of his mothers things. Dresses, jewelry, stuff like that.

- His uncles bothering the two of you. They’re constantly harassing and teasing you; just try to pay them no mind.

- Standing up for him when his uncles are being more awful than usual.

- He might be the only person you can really bond with in your town, considering the fact that whenever you have anybody over, they’re almost always harassed by his uncles and scared away. Which Casper may or may not be sort of happy about.

- Casper gets jealous pretty easily. Anytime another guy takes interest in you, he always feels the need to mock them behind their backs or be passive aggressively not so friendly whenever they approach you when you’re out with him. It’s best to not bring up guys in your class unless it’s obvious that they only like you as a friend; but even then he��d wonder why you need friends (even if they’re girls) other than him.

- He’s sort of overprotective of you. He just got his life back so he certainly doesn’t want anything bad happening and putting yours in danger.

- He absolutely hates fighting so whenever the two of you have an argument, he’s always quick to try and settle it and apologize; even if he doesn’t really think he’s done anything wrong.

- Saying “I love you” isn’t really his forte. He prefers saying and doing other things to show you that he does.

- The two of you sort of just have to go with the flow and see where your relationship takes you. You don’t know how exactly the rest of his “life” will go so you just try to enjoy the present and what you have right now.

[sofiaaaaaaaa03]

Goodbye

Pairing: Dan!Din Djarin x Teen GN reader

Request:

 hello ily u and ur writings are so great

uhhh may i request dad!din with a teenage reader (like, 15 idk) after grogu leaves with luke? like maybe comforting each other, and the reader asking what happens next, etc etc

just some good ol' angst fluff :] 💞

Scenario: After Grogu leaves with Luke the Reader and Din comfort one another after having to say goodbye.

Rating: PG

Warnings: none 

Word Count: 1,980

A/N: I love you!! Thank you so much for reading and I’m sooo happy you like my writings. And yes! I LOVED that Idea. I hope you don’t mind if I sort of went with my own thing for how the reader and Din argued a bit, it sort of just made sense in the situation??? Anyways, I hope you like what I came up with :))) I haven’t written anything in awhile so I’m a tad rusty. 

  Saying goodbye to each other was always something you’d always known would happen.  You simply chose to not think about it and greedily hoped that Din would not be able to find another Jedi who would take Grogu under their wing. In your world, Clan Mudhorn would never break apart and you’d three live together for a very long time. However, life in its mysterious ways is ever changing and never promises one’s future. It certainly never promised yours. 

You thought of this as you watched the Jedi in front of you. It was not just any Jedi, but a Jedi who was offering to take care of  your little brother. You felt your face blanch at the thought of Grogu leaving you and Din. The thought of you leaving this ship with only Din and the memories you’d made with Grogu terrified you. It couldn’t be real. It can’t be real. You shut your eyes tight, turning your head toward the ground before anyone could see your expression. 

“Y/N.” 

Din’s hand rested on your shoulder, when you’d looked up you were surprised to meet flesh instead of metal. He took off his helmet. For a moment there was nothing that mattered but the expression your guardian made. It was… sad. Tears pricked his eyes, something you’d never expected to see from him. Din gave you the tiniest of smiles and told you it was time to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

Din held Grogu out for you to take. Slowly you accepted him close and relished one last time on what it was like to hug him tight.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuu, ner vod.” You whispered. During the time the two of you spent with Din he’d taken it upon himself to teach you Mando’a. It’d become a habit to show affection in his native tongue. Grogu cooed, leaning away to take in your face. You gave him a tight lipped smile, taking in his own. He’d grown so much. It was hard to believe that he was once a small little thing. “ I’ll always be your sibling. Don’t forget me.”

You sat Grogu back down on the floor and began to rummage through your bag before pulling out a small, plush frog, making Grogu’s ears perk up.

“Can Grogu take this with him?”

 Luke nodded, but Grogu made it clear that he wanted you to keep the plush when he wouldn’t reach out for it like he always did. Instead, he stared at you with his big eyes before gently pushing the frog back to you. You bit back a frown. You wanted to ask him, beg him to take the frog you’d put so much love into just for him. Instead you stood up straight and held the plush close to your chest, glancing again at Din who was holding a stoic expression. You forced a smile onto your face.

The goodbye was harder than you’d imagined. So was the deafening silence when the Jedi, his droid, and Grogu disappeared into the elevator. 

The moment the elevator door shut you snapped your head towards Din, but he turned his back to you and walked away. He wandered to the far end of the room and stayed there, quiet as he kept to himself. His hands fiddled with the darksaber that weighed more than you ever imagined it would before this mission began.

It was easy to forget that there were others in the room, though you were quickly reminded of their presence when they surrounded you to provide comforting words, some giving warm embraces and telling you about their own separations from loved ones. They reassured you that you would be fine in the end. You didn’t believe them. Fennec was talking to you, but your focus was on the far side of the room where Din was currently talking to Bo-Katan and Cara. You wondered what they talked about. You wondered what was going to happen now. Now, that the clan lost one member and had no ship to call home. 

Din would barely look at you when Bo-Katan and the other women left the cockpit, looking for supplies and scrounging up any valuable information left. That was assuming that there was no emergency delete button someone pushed in a panic amid the raid. You didn’t bother thinking about it long, as you stared at the back of Din’s head. He’d kept his helmet off, making it the longest that you’ve seen him without it. You stared at the helmet from where it sat on top of the mainframe. 

“Are you going to rule Mandalore now?” Your voice cut through the barrier between the two of you, making Din shuffle in his steps.

His back remained towards you and his tone was cold. “I don’t want to talk right now.”

You frowned, taken aback by this sudden attitude he’d taken on. “What do you mean by ‘I don’t want to talk right now’?”

“Exactly that.” 

“But I want to.” You crossed your arms. 

“It can wait.” 

His response came off indifferent as though he wanted to move on. For a moment you felt like you’d shut down, sure there were times where Din would behave like this coming home after a long day, too exhausted to deal with two children. But he’d never done this before. No. This was new. You didn’t like new. Not now, not when things were so uncertain for you.

“You can’t just shut me out so quickly!” You walked up so that you spoke to his back. “You’re not the only one who just went through that. I never wanted to say goodbye to Grogu. I didn’t think it’d be this soon, either. I didn’t think that. And now I don’t know what you’re going to do after this, where you’re going to go, if you’re going to let me go with you, if-”

“If I let you go with me?” Din turned to face you, eyebrows furrowed. “Y/N, of course you’re coming with me. You’re my foundling.”

“So was Grogu!” You exclaimed, suddenly realizing that tears were streaming down your face. The stress and grief were suddenly catching up to you and it showed, causing Din to raise his hands up a little. He slowly lowered them, seemingly in thought. He sighed, and gently pulled you to sit down with him on some chairs by the mainframe. You felt ashamed of yourself for crying in front of him, but didn’t say anything. Instead you were wiping your tears with your shirt as you waited for him to finally speak.

“You know Grogu is too strong with his magic to be left without training.” Din scratched his ear, eyes downward so that you couldn’t see the tears pricking his eyes again. “You… you’re only a kid. You remember that, right? You need me to protect you before you’re strong enough to leave the clan.”

You stared at him with big eyes as though you were pretending to process what he was saying. But you understood what he meant. He had the best intentions for Grogu and he has the same intentions for you. You were lucky to have someone like Din. The cloth of your shirt suddenly caught your interest as you stared down at it, playing it in between your fingers.

You sniffed, rubbing your arm across your nose. “I’m sorry for yelling at you…”

“It’s okay, Y/N.” Din wrapped an arm across your shoulder and pulled you close. As you settled into him you rested your head against his shoulder, waiting for him to say something though he never did. Maybe he was thinking about Grogu. It wouldn’t be a surprise. Anyone could see how much he’d grown attached to the little thing, despite his initial response to having to care for him. 

“You’re a great dad…” You whispered, playing with the frog in your hands. Din smiled warmly, something you missed as you continued to look down.

“Do you remember how happy Grogu was when you gave him that frog?” Din’s voice made the armor he’d dawned vibrate slightly. It ticked your cheek. You liked how it felt.

“Mhm.” You nodded as you made the frog dance in your hands. It’s chipped, mismatched buttons stared back at the two of you. 

“When I was young I used to lose my toys all the time.” 

You looked up at him, “But that was before the Mandalorians took you in, right? Weren’t they, I dunno, strict about toys?”

“No.” Din looked off, watching the stars that decorated the space they shared. “If they found a kid that still had their toy with them  they didn’t take it away. In my clan, every child had a toy of their own, to help make their transition easier, though I kept losing mine.” 

The two of you shared a small laugh. Din shook his head and looked at you fondly. “Grogo went everywhere with that frog. It meant so much to him. Guess it was because of you.”

You didn’t say anything. A warmth began to spread through your sternum at Din’s remarks. You hugged the frog close to your chest. It still smelled like Grogu. The same, earth-like geranium that followed him around. He knew that you needed the plush more than he did now that you had to say goodbye, and you were thankful for that.

 “Are you going to miss him?” 

“Of course I am.” Din nodded solemnly before he turned towards you and ruffled your hair. “But we’ll see him again.”

A moment of silence falls upon you two, one of the mainframes makes a sound and the security shows the women entering a room on the other side of the ship. They were covering good ground and carried several bags of what was assumed to be supplies for their next mission. Would Din be a part of that mission? 

“So, what happens now?” You inquired, glancing up at him. “Are you going to rule Mandalore?”

Din looked up and inhaled deeply as though he was pondering the question. He must have made some sort of plan prior. But his possession of the dark saber meant that plans had now changed. “I never expected to become a… king. Though, there’s not much to be king of.”

Behind closed doors between Din and the adults you’d hear bits and pieces about what the Empire had done to the planet. Though you were heavily uninformed, you had a good grasp that the planet was practically not worth ruling. 

“Are you going to go with Bo-Katan? She wants to take back Mandalore. With you as king it’d be fitting.”

You didn’t miss how Din grimaced slightly at her name. “What?”

Din pushed himself up and motioned for you to follow as he grabbed his helmet and began walking out. He draped an arm across your shoulder when you caught up to his pace. “Bo-Katan doesn’t seem to be all too happy with me having the darksaber. I should keep some distance and wait for her to cool off.”

 You whispered a small ‘oh’ and looked ahead. Guess he wasn’t going to go with her then. “So we have no plans then, great.”

Din glanced at you, “ What do you think we should do?”

Your mind flashed back several days ago to when you’d barely escaped being destroyed along with the razor crest. “I miss the ship.”

“You and me both.” 

“Do you think we can find a new one?”

“You can’t just find a ship, kid. It’s gonna need some credits.”

“Yeah but technically you’re a king now! Use that royalty of yours and get us one.”

“That’s not how it works kid.”

“You don’t know yet! You’ve been king for what, five minutes?”

“Maybe I will leave you here.” 

“No you won’t. You love me too much to do that.”

[buckyownsmylife]

Secret Door: the one where there’s a ball and some undisclosed feelings

President James Buchanan Barnes is the first president to occupy the White House without a first lady ever since… well, President James Buchanan Barnes. But he’s not too worried about it, since he got his best friend from college acting as his VP, supporting him just like only someone who knew everything about him could do. What happens when feelings from the past start to resurface?

Or the one where you and Bucky used to date but now you got a country to run.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Are you free?” I asked as I chanced a glance inside the oval room, only to find James looking down at nothing in particular with a defeated look on his face. My movement had him glancing up to meet my eyes though, and a beautiful smile brightened his expression at the realization that I was the one talking to him.

“For you? Always.” He excitedly waved me in, already leaping out of his chair. “Come here, darling. I need one of your hugs.” I opened a little smile of my own at his request, but more tentatively than I would have if I hadn’t seen just how tired he looked before he saw me.

I was worried about him. Even now, while I had his arms around my body, his beard tickling my neck, it didn’t seem like he was really here at all. And it felt like he thought the same if the way he squeezed me was any indication of just how hard he was trying to be more present in the moment we were currently still living in.

I tried to pull away, but his arms only tightened around my smaller body, and so I relented, letting him rely on me for as long as he needed to. It was the least I could do, not for the President of my nation, but for my best friend since college.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked once he finally let me go, still keeping me close by holding my wrists delicately but with purpose. He seemed to consider my words, lips pursed in thought, that cute little frown that made me want to bury my thumb between his eyebrows appearing on his face, but ended up shaking his head.

“Not really. What I would like is for you to come have dinner with me tonight. Do you think you can make it?” Of course I could. No one in their right mind would pass up the opportunity for dinner with the President, if not for his title, at least for his personal chef, but it wasn’t my case.

I could never say no to him because his company was my absolute favorite. I’d always chosen him over anything, and he’d done the same for me. But tonight, I knew neither of us could retreat into any sort of personal encounter because we both had the same social gathering to attend.

“I’d love to, but the ball, remember?” I watched as realization struck over Bucky, and he slapped his own forehead and groaned, making me giggle. He really was such a manchild at times, even if only with me.

“Ugh, do we really have to go?” Rolling my eyes at his whining, I fixed his suit while I bit on the inside of my cheek, so I wouldn’t just relent and laugh. I knew he was only saying this for show, an immature effort to get on my nerves.

I really did know him too well.

“Yes, we do. We can have dinner tomorrow. I’ll ask your assistant to clear off your schedule, I don’t know of any major commitments you have to attend.” When I finished fixing his clothes, I noticed the lack of response, and so I looked up to find him staring down at me with the most lovesick expression in his eyes. I laughed, but only to try to soften the mood of the room, ignore the way it made my heartbeat pick up.

“You really are the perfect woman, have I ever told you that?”

“Only all the time.” I smiled, thinking back fondly on everything we’d shared that led us here. It was a hell of a ride, but it was definitely easier with him by my side.

“It’s because it’s the truth.” I nodded, accepting his words as I prepared to leave, but then a gentle hand on my elbow had me looking back. “What color is your dress for this evening?” The question made me curious, but it wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary. Bucky was always looking for ways to show me that he cared.

“Yellow.” He nodded, releasing me as a silent way to say that I could leave. I smiled back at him, nodding in return.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

Bucky’s P.O.V.

The sound of heels against marble in the nearly empty hallway alerted me of her arrival. Turning around, I found her wearing the most beautiful and elegant yellow dress, the exact shade I had chosen to wear as a tie for the evening.

“Oh, wow,” I commented, opening a smile after I was able to close my mouth. “You look wonderful, sweetheart.” She looked extremely suspicious of me, although a huge smile took over most of her face.

“I like your tie.” Chuckling, I subconsciously adjusted it before reaching out to take her hand, wanting to close the space between us as soon as possible. The feeling of her warm skin always made me feel comforted, even if I didn’t know that I needed any sort of comfort. 

She seemed to know it, though. She always did. It was why I knew my decision to ask her to become my vice-president was the right one to make, even though our previous history together would make our run a peculiar one, to say the least.

“Good, you were supposed to appreciate it.” She hummed in acknowledgment but didn’t give me any more shows of how it affected her, eyeing the knot I’d just secured before reaching out for it again. Maybe it should make me irritated, but I could only find it adorable, how she insisted on double checking my outfit when I was sure nothing was wrong with it.

“Sam helped you with it?” At the mention of my assistant, I looked up from her cute little face to see that he was standing right behind her, sporting a knowing smile on as he watched our interaction, just patiently waiting for us to decide to leave.

“You know it.” She smiled up at me then, and suddenly there was an unspoken conversation between us that I didn’t want to break. I wasn’t too sure if what she was trying to communicate was the same I wanted to hear, but a guy could hope.

All hope eventually ends up lost when there’s a presidential commitment to attend, though. I should have known it by now.

“We really should be going,” Sam’s voice interrupted us, and still I smiled. She returned it as well, knowing this was our life, this was what we did - at least for the next three years.

“Shall we?” I asked, offering my arm to her, who bowed teasingly before accepting it.

“We shall.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Time would pass and we would eventually step out of power and I still wouldn’t become accustomed to all of this. All of the press, the fake smiles, the insipid conversations. But it was a part of the job. And at least I had James by my side to help me deal with all of it. If there was one thing I admired about him, it was his ability to make every situation exciting.

“I don’t think I actually told you just how beautiful you look tonight,” a familiar voice murmured right by my ear, hands slotting themselves over my hips as one of mine clutched my chest in surprise. I guess I truly had been distracted, staring out at the beautiful garden from the balcony I managed to find so I could get a breath of fresh air.

“You really think so?” I asked, turning around to meet his eyes. He had a cheeky smile on his lips, the one that made him look younger than he was - the one I adored so much.

“Oh, yes. You’re also incredibly distracting. I couldn’t focus on a single conversation people tried to hold with me tonight. But you know what?” I hummed, tilting my head to signal him I wanted to hear what he was going to say. “I find myself enjoying this distraction.”

It was impossible not to giggle - he’d always been a charmer, and that was the reason why I fell so hard for him back in college. If there was a reason we worked well together, however, it was because I knew how to give him a hard time.

“I mean, I would too, if I was stuck in a conversation with Senator Johnsson. Although everything is distracting when you’re near that man.” He tried to control his laughter, he really did, but in the end, it broke free, floating in the air around us and coaxing my own to join his.

By the time he was finally able to breathe again, he was shaking his head, his eyes crinkling in the corners, in that familiar way that I knew meant he was thinking I was too much.

“Well, then. I think I’ve earned myself a small break from all that boredom. Mind if I join you out here?” It was my turn to shake my head with a small smile, stepping to the side to give him more space to breathe.

“Not even a little bit.” It was silent for a second as we stared out to the garden, just reveling in each other’s companies. Despite how frequently we saw each other, it wasn’t usually this quiet, or ever this peaceful. It felt good to just feel enchanted by his proximity again.

But I knew I couldn’t stay there too long, and if he wanted some time to relax, I should probably get back there and distract people so they wouldn’t come looking for him. That was my plan when I took a step back, almost turning around to open the door when I felt his hand clasping me.

Only it wasn’t over my shoulder or arm, which was probably his original goal. Somehow, in the effort to keep me still, he didn’t anticipate in which direction I’d turn, so he ended up with a hand curled around my breast.

“I-I’m sorry,” he was quick to apologize, immediately dropping his arm. “I didn’t intend to.” He looked so utterly embarrassed by the situation, it was almost heartwarming. I felt the overwhelming urge to console him, not even for a second feeling uncomfortable because of what had transpired.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

“James, it’s okay,” she comforted me, her hand over my shoulder. “I’ve felt your hands in far more intimate places, remember?”

How could I ever forget?

The door slammed behind us but we were too busy lost in each other’s lips to care. I almost tripped on a forgotten sneaker as I tried to guide us to the couch, unwilling to worry about one of my roommates walking in on us right then.

It’s not like it would be the first time.

Her hands reached around her own torso to get rid of her shirt and bra, and I was left with my mouth watering at the sight that really should be familiar by now. She still hypnotized me all the same.

“C’mon, James,” she whined, hands tugging on my hair to try to pry me away from her nipple. “No foreplay. I need you now.” I groaned, finally relenting and letting go of her breast to work on unbuckling my belt as my cock twitched at her words.

“Naughty little slut,” I sneered, wrapping her hair around my fist when she positioned herself on her knees for me, holding onto the armrest of the couch. “I’m gonna fill you so good.”

She gasped in satisfaction upon feeling my cock stretch her out, something that had my heart skipping a bit every time. “Only I can make you feel this good, huh?” I asked, pulling on her strands to make sure she’d listen to me, even despite how roughly I was pounding her.

“Tell me,” I ordered, all insecurities and nerves, a young man still in college, finally exploring all of his sexual desires with the woman of his dream. Thankfully, she always gave me just what I needed, not only physically, but emotionally too.

“Yes, yes, Bucky. Only you, baby. God, you fuck me so fucking good.” It always thrilled me to no end to hear her usual perfectly composed self say the nastiest shit when I had my cock inside of her. Only I got to have this side of her, only I knew all of her.

She felt like home, in more ways than one. Whenever I had her, it was the best, sloppiest sex ever, and even years after I’d last touched her, I could still remember it perfectly.

I don’t think I’d ever be able to forget.

“God, you are such a fucking tease,” present me jokingly chastised, burying my hands in my pockets so I wouldn’t reach out and touch her again. The need was always there though, and it was overwhelming each time.

“Too much?” She joked, biting her lower lip as if it wasn’t the sexiest fucking thing ever. It made me groan, more out of desire than frustration at her words, but she’d never know.

“Just short of enough. Maybe it’ll keep my hunger at bay for a little while longer.” I looked up at her from under my eyelashes, trying to gather how she felt about what I was implying, but other than seeing her eyes widen a little bit, she gave me nothing.

She really knew me all too well by now.

“Still,” I continued, trying not to let the situation become awkward. “It seems like you’re not wearing a bra…” I teased, eyebrows raised high as if I was judging her for it. “Care to explain yourself, madam vice president?”

When she threw her head back to laugh, it exposed more of her delicious neck, and I unconsciously licked my lips at the clear skin I saw there. It didn’t use to look that way when we were together. I was very much into marking her all over - immature, possessive, and extremely in love with the woman before me.

“With this dress?” She asked, looking down at herself and making me look down at her neckline automatically. God, she was incredible. “Of course not. Can’t wear panties either.”

And just as I groaned at the new information, she giggled, winking over her shoulder as she reached out for the door. “Why must you tease me like this?” I shouted over the music, but all I could hear in response was her delighted laugh, and honestly, that was more than enough.

[sisterspooky1013]

Damsels, Chapter Three: Interview

By SisterSpooky1013 / Read Previous Chapters Here

Rated E / Tagging @today-in-fic

The Hoover building is deserted at 4am, which is exactly why she has to be there so early. She arrives at Skinner’s office with nothing but her car keys and the casual clothing on her back. Agent Wiley, a young woman in her twenties, greets Scully warmly. She’s tall and brunette with an hourglass figure, and Scully has the passing thought that she is exactly Mulder’s type. She wonders if they’ve ever met.

“I’ll drive you to your apartment in Philly where you’ll stay for the duration of the undercover assignment, Agent Scully,” Wiley says in an authoritative though very high pitched voice. “We’ll leave your car in the bureau garage for the duration, but you can give A.D. Skinner your keys for safekeeping.”

Scully hands Skinner her keys and he sets them on top of his desk, rubbing his hands over a weary and sleep-rumpled face.

“I’ll fill you in on the case details on the way. Let’s hit the road, we’ve got a two and a half hour drive ahead of us,” she finishes, slinging her purse over her shoulder and making for the door.

Scully follows her mutely. Just as she reaches the door herself, Skinner speaks.

“Agent Scully?” he asks in a hoarse voice. She turns to face him. “I…I…” He keeps restarting his sentence, but never gets further than that.

Scully finally interjects. “It’s okay, sir. I understand. We all have a job to do.”

He nods at her with a grateful expression, and she follows Agent Wiley out to the parking garage.

The sun is just beginning to brighten the inky sky as they drive out of D.C. Agent Wiley is chatty behind the wheel as Scully leafs through the case file; once they get to Philly, she won’t have the opportunity to see it again. The only trace of Dana Scully in her apartment will be a burner cell phone, which she is to keep off and hidden in an air duct in the wall. She will call Agent Wiley at least every other day, or as needed, to share any updates. She is to turn the phone on only when she’s sure no one else is in the apartment with her. She is expected to get as close as possible to the other dancers at the club, one of whom they believe to be Mila Chamberlain. In the file, there’s a photo of Mila, a young Asian woman with a short blonde pixie cut and penetrating dark brown eyes. There is also her parents’ account of her disappearance shortly after meeting Ricky at a party, and their fears that’s she’s a victim of sex trafficking.

“Your cover is Diane Sellers, recently divorced and needing work,” Agent Wiley explains. “To our understanding, they won’t ask you much about your history, but it’s still good to have a backstory ready. It can be helpful to use real details from your life in regards to things like siblings, parents, and past romantic partners, just because it’s easier to keep straight. We don’t recommend addiction being a part of your backstory, in case that affects Ricky’s willingness to trust you. You should immerse yourself as much as possible with the staff, including spending time with them outside work if you can. You can have them over to your apartment, which is why it’s important that there’s nothing there that isn’t part of Diane’s story. It’s fully furnished with everything from tampons to Rice a Roni, but we’ve also set up a bank account and a debit card in case you need to buy anything. Once you identify Mila, call me. You should try to get as close to her as possible, and ultimately the goal is to confirm that she’s being held against her will. Then we’ll raid the club and get you both out of there. What questions do you have?”

Scully stares out the window at the cars rushing by. The pink sunrise illuminating the clouds on the horizon makes the sky look pinstriped.

“Why weren’t you asked to go undercover, if this is your case? You’re young, you’re very pretty. So I guess my question is why not you?” She recognizes the irritation in her voice, but she can’t help herself.

Agent Wiley glances over at her and back to the road a few times. “I can understand why you’d ask that. And I also realize that I haven’t thanked you for taking this assignment. It was a hard one to staff.”

Scully scoffs and turns to face the other woman. “I wasn’t given a choice, Agent Wiley.”

“Right. Sorry. Um, the reason I couldn’t take this assignment is that I have an ostomy bag, as a result of a pretty severe case of Crohn’s. I doubt anyone wants to see a stripper with a bag of poop strapped to her belly dancing around on stage.”

Scully closes her eyes against the shame that wells in her gut. “I’m sorry, Agent Wiley. That was rude of me to ask.”

“Don’t worry about it, Agent Scully. Honestly, I’d take my ostomy bag over this assignment any day. I don’t envy you.”

Scully turns back to the window, spinning up the life story of Diane Sellers as they drive on through the early morning light and towards her uncertain future.

Agent Wiley drops her off around the corner from her apartment with nothing but a set of keys and verbal instructions for where she can locate the burner phone. Her interview is today at 2, and the address of the club and interview information are on a slip of paper on the kitchen counter. They bid one another an awkward goodbye, and Scully goes in search of her home for the next several weeks.

The apartment is small, a studio, and fully furnished. She can tell that Agent Wiley herself took care of decorating it; youthful touches like a sequined throw pillow and a magnet on the fridge with “Diane” printed on a tiny license plate give it a dorm-like feel. Many of the items appeared to have been thrifted, which will be important to keeping up her ruse of being a woman in a tight spot financially. She locates the air duct and the burner phone, turning it on to be sure it works before securing it back in its hiding place. She pokes around the various cabinets and cupboards to find all kinds of dried goods and snacks, and is surprised by the 6 pack of beer in the fridge and the bottle of vodka in the freezer. The closet is full of clothing in her size, some of it basic jeans and tees, some of it tube tops and daisy duke shorts that she would never wear. Well, Scully would never wear them, but she suspects Diane would. The slip of paper on the counter reads:

Damsels in Dominance

1634 W York St, Philly

Ricky Dean, 2pm

She makes a face at the name and her stomach turns at the thought that this might be some kind of S&M club. It's just after 9am, so she has quite a bit of time to kill before her interview. She doesn’t think she’ll be able to sleep, so instead she takes a thorough inventory of all the cabinets and closets to see if anything important is missing. In the bathroom, she opens the medicine cabinet to find a full Oil of Olay skin care line right next to a box of condoms. What the hell does Agent Wiley think she has planned for this assignment? Her confusion deepens when she pulls open the drawer of the bedside table and is greeted by a book light as well as a small bullet vibrator. Either Agent Wiley went to very great lengths to make sure this apartment would pass the sniff test for anyone who decided to snoop, or….she doesn’t even know what the other possibility is. Adding some paperback novels to her mental shopping list, she slams the drawer shut and flops down on the bed. Mulder is at work by now, and she wonders how long Skinner will be able to keep up the ruse. Knowing Mulder, not all that long.

Mulder arrives at work just past 8, noting that Scully’s car is parked in her typical spot in the garage; she must have needed to stop by before heading to Quantico. He’s a little bit disappointed that she’ll be away for the next few weeks; the basement office is exceedingly boring without her. At the same time, he’s grateful for a bit of space to think.

The tension between them had reached a tipping point but now sits suspended, teetering between coworkers and friends or whatever lay on the other side. He’s made some attempts at pushing things towards the “more than friends” end of the spectrum, but nothing seems to come of it. He kissed her, and while she kissed him back and seemed receptive to it, she hasn’t initiated anything further. The night they played baseball together was fun and flirtatious, but again nothing happened. He’s getting the sense that any move will need to be made by him. Maybe Scully just isn’t the forward type in these situations, or maybe she isn’t confident enough that he’ll reciprocate. This time that she’s working away from the office might be the perfect opportunity to take her out on a real date, knowing that if things get weird they won’t have to face each other in the morning.

Entering the office, he doesn’t find her there; they must have just missed each other. He logs into his email and opens a new message.

Hey G-woman,

What time can you get away for lunch today? I was thinking about checking out that new sushi place on 8th. Or we can meet halfway, whatever works.

Would you like to get dinner sometime this week? My treat. Let me know.

Mulder

He hits send, then digs in to some more case reports that he needs to complete. He has a vision of Scully returning to find them completely caught up on paperwork and how pleased she’d be with him, and decides then and there to make it a reality. While he’s not generally an approval-seeking kind of guy, the surprised smile on Scully’s face when he does something uncharacteristically responsible is one of his favorites. The number one spot will always, of course, be held by the smile she gives him when he says or does something that truly strikes her as funny. He finds it hard to keep from smiling just thinking about it.

Two hours later, there’s no response from Scully. That’s a little bit weird, but not exceedingly so; if she’s working on a particularly gnarly autopsy it can take quite a while. When he still hasn’t gotten a response by noon, he first checks his sent email to be sure it went out, then picks up his office phone.

“Autopsy bay, this is Richard.”

“Hey, Rich, this is Agent Mulder up at the Hoover Building.”

“Hi, Agent Mulder, how can I help you?”

“Is Agent Scully around? I was hoping to talk to her.”

“No, I haven’t seen her.”

“Not at all today?”

“No, I haven’t seen her in a few weeks, actually.”

A flush of worry spreads across his chest.

“Hey, Rich, are you guys pretty busy down there? I hear you have a big case you’re working on.”

“Busy? Uh, no, not really. Just business as usual.”

“Okay, thanks. If you see Agent Scully, will you ask her to call me?”

“Sure, will do, Agent Mulder.”

“I appreciate it, bye.”

He sets the phone down and sits back in his chair. Did Scully lie to him? And if so, why? Her car is here, so he knows she came in today. Picking up the phone again he tries her cell, which goes straight to voicemail. The darkest part of his brain worries that she came to the office but never made it to Quantico. He makes one final phone call.

“Skinner.”

“Hi, sir, this is Agent Mulder.”

“How can I help you, Agent Mulder?”

“Have you heard from Agent Scully today? I’m having a hard time getting in touch with her.”

“She’s assigned to work at Quantico for the next few weeks, Agent Mulder, she wasn’t expected to report to the Hoover Building today.”

“I know, sir, but her car was in the garage when I got here and I just called over to Quantico and they haven’t seen her today. I’m a little worried.”

He hears Skinner mutter what sounds like “Jesus H Christ” under his breath before he speaks again. “Agent Scully is fine, Agent Mulder. She’s on assignment. I encourage you to focus on your own assignment.”

Mulder hesitates. “Should I take that to mean that she’s NOT assigned to Quantico?”

Skinner sighs. “All you need to know is that she is fine, but unreachable. You worry about yourself and let me worry about Agent Scully, got it?”

“Um, okay. Thank you, sir.”

He hangs up the phone even more confused than before. Scully’s behavior yesterday after she returned from Skinner’s office makes a little more sense; she was uncomfortable about lying to him. When he leaves the office that night, her car is in the same spot it had been that morning. He doesn’t like this, but he knows Scully was in the same situation when he was on an undercover assignment and he should just trust her, and Skinner, and wait it out. That’s easier said than done, and he spends his entire evening imagining all the dangerous situations she might be immersed in. Drug cartels, amateur mafias, cults, hackers, the list goes on and on. He can only hope that she’s safe.

Damsels in Dominance is an unassuming building nestled between strip malls and fast food restaurants. The parking lot and entrance are at the back of the building, a fabric-draped chain link fence surrounding it for privacy. Scully pays the cab driver, though now that she realizes how close her apartment is to the place she’ll probably just walk back. After much deliberation, she wound up wearing jeans and a blue T shirt, guessing that it would be out of place to dress up for an interview at a strip club. She pulls the front door open and finds herself in a small foyer with a counter along one wall, a hulking man perched behind it on a stool. Even seated she can tell that he’s very tall, with a broad chest and square shoulders. His neck is nearly nonexistent, thick and disappearing into the rolls under his chin like a tree trunk. His head is shaved bald and his deeply tan skin shows evidence of long ago healed acne scars on his ruddy cheeks. A small gold name tag pinned to his T-shirt reads “Denny.”

“Hi, I’m Diane, I’m here for an interview with Ricky,” she says with a smile. She’s decided that Diane will be the kind of person with an easy smile. The kind of person who makes friends quickly. She channels her sister Melissa, who would talk to anyone and somehow have them sharing details of their childhood trauma within fifteen minutes. If she’s going to get these people talking, she needs to be more like Missy and less like herself.

Denny nods with a grunt and stands, proving himself to be at least six inches taller than Mulder; her head barely reaches his waist. He comes around the counter to push open a second door and holds it for her, motioning her to follow. They enter one end of a long hallway, a door directly in front of them labeled “Enter Here to be Dominated.” They walk down the hall, past some restrooms and several other unmarked doors, until they come to one that says “office.” Denny knocks and a small woman answers.

“Diane, 2 o’clock interview,” Denny says in a flat baritone, then turns and walks away.

[lunaverseimagine]

Worth Living For

Part 2 of Worth Dying For

Request: “Congrats on 500! I'm new to tumblr and love your blog! can you do Herbology with post war George and telling him you want to name your baby Fred” - @green-intervention So this was a headcanon request for my 500 sleepover but it fit Worth Dying For so perfectly that I made it into a part 2 instead

Pairings: George x Reader

Warnings: Grief, pregnancy, mentions of death

Word count: 1.5k

Fic:

Streaks of moonlight shone through the tall window, casting a gentle glow on George’s face. The white light highlighted the gauntness of his cheeks and the glazed look in his eye, a sight that made your stomach clench. 

“Georgie.”

His eyes flicked down to where you were lying on the sofa with your head in his lap. His fingers were running idly through your hair - sensations grounded him, in particular the feeling of your presence. Three months had passed but you were still his lifeline, and you didn’t think that would change soon.

“I think-” You swallowed, maintaining eye contact. “I think it’s time we visit your parents.” 

George’s hand stilled and he clenched his jaw. You knew this was a sensitive subject, but equally you knew going to the burrow would be good for him. The burden of grief is easier to bear when the people around you are feeling the same way; when you can share in your mourning. You had loved Fred like a brother but you hadn’t been there from the beginning, not like George’s siblings had. He needed his family, needed to be with people who had known Fred as he did, who felt the loss as he did. He couldn’t keep hiding in your apartment, a truth he knew as well as you did. George sighed.

“I know.” He glanced at your belly, at the little bump just starting to show. Your hand cupped it instinctively. “They need to know.”

You sat up so you were facing George, holding his hands in your own, running your thumbs soothingly over his coarse skin.

“We’ll tell them together.” Leaning forward, you captured George’s lips in a gentle kiss. You focused on being present: the way George tasted of cinnamon. How his hands felt slightly cold in yours. How your knee was pressing against his. You tried not to focus on the sacrifice that had been made so you could be here. The sacrifice Fred had made to save not just one life, but two. How up until now, the pregnancy was tying you and George to Fred’s memory. It was special, something that hadn’t been told to anyone else. You worried that by telling your families, the tie to Fred would weaken, and his memory would slip further through your fingers.

--

You held George’s hand while apparating, watching anxiously as the lopsided stories of the burrow came into view. When your feet were firmly on the ground you waited for George to move towards the door, but he stayed rooted to the spot. After a moment of taking in the familiar home, a tear slid down his cheek, and you couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed too. These walls held so many memories of Fred that it was impossible to stand in front of them without the loss hitting you like a bludger. A reminder of all the memories that wouldn’t be made in the future. How Fred would never meet his nephew.

You embraced George, as though you could squeeze strength into him. He rested his chin on top of your head.

“I’m ok love.”

You shook your head slightly at the lie. “You’re not, but you will be.”

You each took a deep breath and walked into the burrow, hand in hand.

Molly was in the kitchen, and at the sight of you she burst into tears, her words incoherent through her sobs. But the bone crushing hug she encased the two of you in said more than words ever could.

“Blimey Molly, what’s wrong-” Arthur stopped short on the last step of the haphazard staircase, eyes widening at the scene in front of him. His face had turned white, and equally pale faces emerged one by one behind him. First Ginny, followed by Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Percy. The Weasleys seeing George must have been an even more emotional experience than that of you seeing the burrow. It was impossible not to feel the missing piece of the family when faced with his twin, like looking at a guitar with no strings. Nobody quite knew how to maneuver the situation, the only sound being Molly sniffing as she wiped her nose with a handkerchief. 

Finally the rest of the Weasleys, as well as Harry and Hermione, seemed to come to their senses, closing the distance between you to share hugs and whispered condolences. George was interacting but as though he’d removed himself from the situation, like he was there physically but emotionally he was far away, trying to cope with his feelings. The grief came in waves, this wave feeling like the tallest one yet, and it was all George could do to keep his head above water. 

During the day the tone of conversation was kept light, and George became more present, engaging in conversations about what had been happening the last few months. Molly cooked a delicious meal that not only fed you and the baby, but could’ve fed an entire nursery, and as your stomach filled a bit of the emptiness did too. Fred was gone and nothing would make that ok, but there was still a great family who would remember him, and as long as they were alive a bit of Fred would be too. 

It was after dinner that you and George decided, through silent glances, to break the news to the family. The chatter had lulled and each individual seemed lost in their own thoughts, although undoubtedly they all revolved around the same person. George cleared his throat.

“Y/n and I have some news.” George looked at you, asking for permission to continue. While neither of you had said it out loud, you knew that this pregnancy was a connection to Fred for him too. That telling other people felt like giving away bits of that connection, which was difficult to bear. But at the same time, maybe there was a way you could honour Fred through the pregnancy, and that’s when the thought came to you. You nodded for George to continue, suddenly buzzing with the feeling of sharing your idea. It was perfect. “Y/n’s pregnant.”

The cries of joy were immediate and heartfelt. George’s hand clasped yours under the table as you were congratulated, hugged, and even kissed by Molly. The atmosphere in the room felt so much lighter, as though this was the good news the Weasleys had been waiting for for three months.

Late into the night, when the celebrations had finally calmed down, you bid your goodbyes before apparting back to your apartment. It seemed less daunting now, knowing that at any time the burrow was just an apparition away. You and George got ready for bed in silence, George reflecting on the day and working through the complex feelings being back at the burrow had brought, you working out how to bring up the idea that had consumed your thoughts for hours. You climbed into bed, laying your head on George’s chest, his arm wrapped securely around your shoulders.

“Thank you.” His whisper was quiet and soft.

“What for?”

“For telling me to see them.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad it helped.” 

For a while you let the silence wrap around you like a cocoon, your safety net. Approaching the topic you desperately wanted to talk about made your hands clammy and your heart race, not knowing how it would make George feel. All you wanted was for him to be happy - what if this was a terrible idea? What if it’d do the opposite of making George happy? That would break your heart. Before you could persuade yourself out of it you piped up.

“Georgie?”

“Mmhm?” You lifted your head off his chest so you could watch him.

“I was thinking… maybe we could- if you wanted to, of course- we could name the baby Fred?” You felt your heart thumping in your chest as you waited for his reply.

Not for the first time that day George’s eyes filled with tears, and he shook his head fondly, wondering why he hadn’t thought of it himself. “It’s perfect.” Arms wrapped around you, he kissed you passionately. Your hands cupped his face, feeling his stubble beneath your fingers. He was in awe of you. Of how you knew exactly what he needed. Knew how to honour Fred in the best way possible, with the baby that Fred had died to save. His legacy.

Eventually George broke the kiss. “What if it’s a girl?” You laughed, and so did he, the beautiful sounds mixing with tears you were getting used to shedding. You savoured the light in George’s eye, how he seemed more alive now than he had in months.

“It’s not.” George grinned at your response.

“How do you know?” You grinned back, and silently thanked Fred for the gift he’d given you. This baby was the light and hope that you and George needed so desperately. You could feel, from somewhere inside you much deeper than reason, that you were right. The baby would be a boy, with an uncanny likeness to his Dad and Uncle. The thought excited you, making the future seem bright despite the current darkness. You rested both hands on the bump.

“Mother’s instinct.”

End

Thank you for reading! I hope this was a bit less angsty than the first part - if you liked it please feel free to reblog/give feedback <33

If you’re interested here’s my other stuff

[slowly-writing]

Whispers

Avengers x Teen!Reader

Word count: 1.8K

Requested by @shady80smusicsingercolor : Avengers x teen!reader Where the reader is a cheerleader at the high school that Peter goes to, reader was during school hours when the teen heard the rest of the squad talking crap about them,teen gets upset,and after teen decided to skip practice,when they arrive to the avengers tower,Steve was the first one to notice but yet haven't notice the sadness in the reader face,but then realized the teen should be in practice,Steve now notices the teen face, calls for the team,and team comfort her

A/N: this was requested so long ago (literally April 10th), and I’m so sorry it took me so long. Thank you for your patients!

“Bye Pete, I’ll see you back home. I’ve got practice after school,” you remind the boy, waving as you turn the corner out of the cafeteria. You always left lunch a little early. Your next class was across the school and you really didn’t like to be late. So that’s what brought you here, alone and hearing voices ahead of you. Normally you wouldn’t think much of it, being in a school there’s constantly someone somewhere, talking about something. But then you heard your name.

You paused creeping close to the corner, but not quite rounding it. Listening to the voices you recognized as your teammates.

“What’s the deal with y/n and Peter? She’s always with him...I wonder if they’re dating,” Betty whispers to the group you can’t quite see.

“They can’t be. She’s way too good for Parker. It’s just a charity thing. Cause she lives with the avengers and he works there or whatever. She probably pities him,” Brad counters and you shrink further in on yourself.

“She’s kind of a weirdo too though. With that whole mysterious backstory and weird accent she tries to hide. Where’s she from? And how did she end up at the avengers tower?” Liz joins in and your frown deepens.

Did they really think you were shallow enough to think you were better than Peter? Just because he wasn’t on the football team? If only they knew how awesome he really was. And why did they suddenly want to know everything about you? They never asked before and you don’t really want to unpack their analysis of your home life anyways. That was none of their business.

You silently turn around, taking the long way to class. You really don’t want to see any of them right now.

xxxxx

When the final bell rang you sat at your desk, debating whether you could face practice. They don’t know you heard them gossiping, and it hurts more that they said it all behind your back, so you shake your head sending a quick text off to your coach, claiming you have a migraine, and start walking home.

You kept running over the things they had said. They really thought Peter was lame? After everything, you’d thought they’d gotten to know him. He’s the coolest person you’ve met, even without the whole spiderman thing. He was sweet and super passionate about the things he enjoyed. He was smarter than you could ever hope to be, but you never minded listening to him in the lab as he rambled about the new web shooters he was working on. You think he’s amazing, and you know that’s more than your massive crush talking.

Then there was the fact that they thought you were hiding things. It’s not like your living situation was a secret, but it wasn’t something you enjoyed talking about. You were born in Sokovia and lived there with your parents until the attack with Ultron happened. Most of that day is a blur, a mix of confusion, chaos, and repressed memories. But you know Steve got you out, but your parents were lost in the tragedy.

Steve and the other avengers felt some sort of responsibility to you. You’re still not quite sure why, but you know better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. A lot of people from your hometown came out of it with nothing, and the team is always sure to help when they can, but you’re grateful for your new life and all that it’s given you.

You’re so lost in thought you don’t even register that you’re almost home until you reach the front door of the tower. You smile weakly at the security guard and make your way to the elevator, silently praying nobody is home. As the doors open you see your prayers haven’t been answered, but the silver lining is Peter’s not there yet. Maybe Steve will forget you have practice today.

“Hey, kiddo. Didn’t you have practice after school?” shit.

“Uh yeah...it umm. Got cancelled. Last minute...gardening emergency. They had to close the field for the day,” you wince and Steve raises an eyebrow. “I gotta go. Homework.”

With that lame excuse you scramble to your room, closing the door behind you and flopping face down on the bed.

xxxxx

“Hey, Peter. Did y/n seem off to you today? She seemed upset when she got home from school,” Steve asks Peter in the lab, Peter furrowing his brow before responding.

“No, not that I noticed, but I haven’t seen her since lunch. Maybe practice was rough, I know they’re getting ready for that competition in a few weeks,” Peter says softly, trying to figure out how to help you.

“No, practice was cancelled. They closed the field,” Steve’s words cause Peter’s head to snap up.

“No they didn’t. I saw them practicing after school. The soccer team was on the field too. I didn’t look too close because y/n says it’s embarrassing when I watch practices, but I know it happened,” Peter stands, setting his tools aside, “I’m gonna go talk to her.”

“I’ll come with you,” Steve follows him out of the lab, and not five minutes later, there’s a knock on your door.

“Coming,” you yell, only to immediately shrink back after opening the door. One look at their faces and you know they’ve caught you in your lie, “hey.”

“I think we need to talk,” Steve says in his captain voice and you let out a sigh, opening the door enough for them to follow you into the room.

“Why did you skip practice?” Peter’s head is tilting to the side like a confused puppy, and you have to remind yourself that this is a serious conversation, not a time to fawn over how cute he is.

“I just-”

“And don’t try to lie again,” Steve cuts you off. The man really knows you too well.

“You know how in movies and TV shows cheerleaders are always such jerks?” They both silently nod, “and how when I moved here I tried really hard to fit in so they’d be nice to me?” two more nods. “I thought it worked but it turns out that in real life they just say the mean things behind your back when they think you aren’t listening.”

“What’d they say?” Steve’s voice is softer now, he’s always been afraid of you having problems at school. He knows his fair share about bullying, and knows kids will always attack anything different. Your accent may have faded over the years, but it’s still clear that you’re not from here and you’re not quite used to the New York lifestyle. Back home everything was smaller, but you’re always excited to learn about your new home. It’s rare to see you without a smile on your face and he always hoped your naive compassion would save you.

“They were talking about how weird it was that I kept secrets about why I lived here and…” you trail off, looking at Peter. He looks ready to go to war for you, and you don’t want to admit the rest out loud, “that I must only hang out with Peter out of pity. But it's not true! Sometimes I think it’s the other way around. You’re so sweet and smart that sometimes I think the only reason you spend time with me is because you feel bad for me. The freaky kid from another country with no family. I try to fit in a school, so I don’t talk about my home, and I’ve learned to talk like they do. But no matter what I do, I still stick out. Maybe it’d be easier for you if we weren’t friends at all.”

By the time you finish your eyes are firmly locked on your hands in your lap, tears building up in your eyes.

“That’s not true,” Peter says firmly, in a rare show of anger. For a moment you think he’s mad at you, until he continues and you see the real object of his anger. “I don't hang out with you because I pity you, or I think I have to. I hang out with you because I like you for who you are. You make me feel normal. Not like the geeky kid at school everyone likes to tease, or the hero the city looks to for help. With you I’m just Peter. You listen to me ramble about tech I know you couldn’t care less about and you tell me about cheerleading moves that are so foreign to me they may as well be in a different language, but it doesn’t matter. We’re there for each other, it’s what we do. And I wish I could’ve been there for you this time. I know what it’s like to feel like you have to keep secrets but you don’t have to do that with me.”

You let his words sink in, letting him brush away the tears that have made their way down your cheeks before Steve speaks.

“And you have a family. I know you lost yours in Sokovia and I can’t even imagine that pain, but you’re not alone. You have all of us and any one of us will be here to listen to you, or take your mind off of it for a bit. What happened to you was traumatic, you lost your whole life and it’s okay not to want the kids at school knowing that. But you don’t have to forget where you came from to fit in.  Wanda makes food from Sokovia on Peitro’s birthday every year and I know she still keeps her journal in Russian. You’re allowed to miss your home, y/n. It doesn’t make you wierd, or ungrateful. It makes you human,” Steve wraps his arm around your shoulder and you lean into his side.

“I do like it here, but it’s just so hard sometimes,” you admit softly.

“We know it is, but you’re not alone,” Peter tells you and you smile up at him, gently taking his hand in your own.

“Now, I think you need a fun, relaxing night with no responsibilities. What do you say to a movie night. We’ll watch whatever you want,” Steve proposes and your smile widens as you nod. “Then it’s settled. I’ll go gather the troops, and you two come join us whenever you’re ready.”

It’s silent for a few moments after he leaves and you soon realize you’re still holding Peter’s hand. You go to pull away but his grip is firm. His other hand on your chin, drawing your eyes to his. “I mean it you know. I like you, as more than just a friend.”

“You do?” your voice is barely above a whisper, but there’s a happiness in your eyes you can’t hide and Peter’s whole face lights up.

“Yes really. I have for a while now, I just never knew how to tell you. I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way.”

“I do,” the words tumble out of your mouth before he’s even done speaking, but he’s smiling, and so are you. For now it all feels right as he gently presses his lips to yours. The whispers in the hallways don’t matter, because you have a family, and it seems you may have a boyfriend now too.

Tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @im-salt-but-not-salty @5aftermidnight @riotmaximoff @xxxtwilightaxelxxx  @stop-drop-and-drumroll

[tenderlyrenjun]

[7:05 P.M.]

“Love,” Renjun calls almost dejectedly for your return to the dining room table, where he is still seated, corner of his mouth dripping red. He wipes away the stain with the cloth on his lap, pushing the chair further out yet not completely getting up. That is rude to your guest.

And in two millennia, he has never, nor will he ever, forgo the manners his mother taught him, especially after having seen the turmoil following the reign of Yongming. No, his household - your shared household (a detachment from the word coven that the media has perverted in the last few decades) - has maintained enough peace and stability to rival the Tang Dynasty. Though, it is not a competition, even if a sword rests unsheathed above the mantel, like a trophy. Sometimes, he performs calligraphy there, while you read poems that scholars would consider missing, not knowing about your Bonnie and Clyde phase where you two would speed through authentication labs in Europe, retrieving artifacts for the high. Now, they serve the purpose to educate new coven members - which is why you cannot understand Renjun’s desire to attend college! You two are educated far beyond historians, skilled beyond artists, analytical beyond mathematicians. For Heaven’s Sakes, you can compel an admissions board to let you into medical school or law school or graduate school! There is no reason to revert to the basics. And though your darling sweetheart would never utter the words elitist at you, he is still thinking that you act that way! Especially while you stand at the entryway; jade, silk gown breezing dramatically with your temper.

“I don’t understand, Renjun,” you say, chin turning to your shoulder, unable to look pick your gaze off the marble floor. “We have companies and hotels. We have connections.” It is how you keep a social security number to manage all your dealings. “We have the whole world at our feet, yet you want to go to college?” You turn around, arms crossed over your middle, eyes tracing the path you took away from him until poking the hem of his clean trousers. “And not even a top 100, like Singapore, Harvard, or Tsinghua.” You finally stare at him, the gleam of his sharp knife (or rather, a dagger, seeing as it is an easier tool to keep his food still) signaling you. “A SKY school, really? Did you fall in love with another mortal?” You refrain from glaring, the anger of that incident having not resurfaced for centuries, yet the insecurity lingers in how your voice hisses, bringing out your red eyes. 

Renjun sighs, and stabs his meal, like a pardon, between the ribs, a loud wail echoing his thoughts. He stands up, straightening his jacket before making his way to you. When he gets impossibly closer, he tilts your face up. “I will never leave you,” he promises. Nothing could make him ever leave you. His heart revives for you; his eyes regain function for you; his body moves for you. He kisses you tenderly, melting your resolve until he can bring the conversation back again. And as he breaks the embrace, your lips chase his, the oath ghosting unsigned while his tongue leaves. Renjun opens your eyes with his hand stroking your hair behind your ear; his hair is long enough to do the same, the pieces already combed on his neck from your apéritifs. “We have the whole world at our feet,” he agrees with you, “but why not try something new? We have never struggled together.”

“That’s not true,” you whisper, curling your fingers around his palm, slowly turning your mouth in to peck it. “What about the Hou Jing rebellions? Or the Middle Joseon Era when we met Jeno? Or the World Wars?” You fall into his chest, the lapels scraping your collarbone like a handkerchief. “We have lost so many good friends over time. Our own aerie is dwindling with this industrial revolution.”

Renjun staggers back, further to cup your face. “Love, I merely want to explore the world and everything it has to offer.” He pads your cheeks with his thumbs. Had he known this suggestion would nearly bring you to tears, resurface the worst moments of his life, he might have waited until buying you another Swarovski pendant. He kisses a rogue tear, attempting to assuage your worries once more. “I want to do it with you.” He sighs, dolefully, head hanging slightly (though the angle keeps him close). “We were changed so young and so early in time. We haven’t begun to explore the modern world.”

“Of course we have,” you deny, ignoring how it took you until 2018 to grasp social media without a consultant. He gives you a stern look and you tighten your face. “Define modern.”

“Contemporary. After 1970.”

You deadpan at him, gradually breaking down your issues with change. It is almost as if you read his mind, communicating through stares. You see his point of view, but you both have formal meetings with other coven leaders (contrary to your family’s rebranding, others have yet to progress), have businesses to manage, have new vampires to train - you have so much work as leaders. And although four or five years will pass like seconds for the two of you, your day to day schedules do not.

Renjun equally interprets your worries and again strokes your hair. “I know. I know, but our ‘internships’ with three holdings are coming to an end, and I am tired of humans assuming that we have parachuted our way through the rankings, without knowing how hard we worked to establish their places of work centuries before they were born.”

“I didn’t know you felt that way,” you mumble. He never said anything, not even during your personal meetings, the times when you two catch up during bed on all the dockets. You lean into his hand, looking up at him gently. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Renjun sighs apologetically. “You live in this fantasy world where we essentially start over every couple of decades, never interacting with the humans.” You wince and he steps closer, enveloping you into his jacket. “And I know that it will hurt too much to interact with them again. I don’t want another Chenle situation to happen, but they talk, they evolve, they think on their own. If we were to keep up, we need to enter society again.” Renjun kisses the top of your head. “And we can do it at different classes, so we can stay longer in these countries.” He feels your hug tighten and your head nuzzle his buttons. “I know that it’s hard to leave so often, and we don’t have to.”

“You’ve thought about this often?” you ask him incredulously. And he nods his head, slowly, to give you more time to process it. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Your tone sends him mixed signals, not entirely validating or telling of anything. 

“We’ll sign up for one semester,” you plan. His face responsively breaks into a wide smile at having you agree with his project, and you immediately return it, falling in love all over again with his expression.

Renjun kisses you deeply, cutting off any other points you might make. He already has several ideas drawn up to carry this plan further: you can still manage the businesses through the board, over email; you can pass off as college students through graduate school, and night classes are possible; you can actually have breaks and be young, wild, and free again. Renjun, consumed by the possibilities, energetically tugs your waist to his, dipping you to the ground, his fingers buzzing with excitement until you drain it out of him, almost like drinking his own blood. Luckily, you two still have dinner fresh on the table, the shrieking having turned into a weak music to sway to. And he draws you back up, not ending the embrace quite yet, wanting to give you all of him, as you have just promised him your next half-decade.

“I love you,” he mumbles on your lips.

Your fangs extend, aroused by his enthusiasm. “I love you too,” you whisper breathlessly, although your lungs are fully capable - with being undead and all.

“Come.” Renjun straightens you both, leading you by the hand, back to dinner. He pulls out the chair for you, adjacent to his, at the head of the table, and you accept. He pours you a glass of dark red, passing off the golden rim to your lips, watching you stain them again like lipstick. “To the next decade.”

You cheer with him, gently tapping his cup. “And eternity with my love.”

[some-kindofgnome]

Kinktober #8: under his loving gaze: Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes

In which Steve discovers it’s possible to love two people to the bone and still be crushed by loneliness. 

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers (sort of) x f!Reader

Warnings: smut (18+ please!) VOYEURISM of the truest, you-don’t-know-you’re-being-watched kind. Vaginal sex. Male masturbation. Lots and lots of pining for not so many words. 

Notes: Another one for my Marvel friends today :) The prompt for day eight is ‘Voyeurism,’ and does he ever watch. Somehow this one turned angsty. I... don’t think I’m sorry, though. 

Kinktober Masterlist

Friday nights never used to be this pathetic.

Steve’s not completely sure when he got so boring. Even when he was a kid, Bucky always had one place or the other to drag him on the weekends. He’d stumble in from a backbreaking shift at the docks, c’mon Stevie, the city awaits, and Steve never really wanted to go, but it was Bucky’s sweat that paid for the roof over their heads, so he never felt good about saying no.

These days, though, his idea of fun is an evening pouring over his briefings. Letting the security footage from the compound flick idly across the monitor. He doesn’t need to watch it. Not when there’s an AI system more sophisticated than any on the planet monitoring their premises.

But Steve’s always been a little old-fashioned.

Tonight, there’s something else on his mind. It’s not something that should be plaguing his thoughts, but his brain doesn’t often listen when he decides he doesn’t want to think about something.

“Gonna be taking your post again tonight, Captain?” Tony’s voice, no matter how genuine, always felt edged with an air of mockery. Tonight’s dinner had been no different. Above the idle chatter surrounding plans for the weekend, he’d decided to speak up.

“Whaddaya mean?” Sam had asked, quirking an eyebrow in Steve’s direction with a bite of chicken-something (prepared by Vision) halfway to his mouth.

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Steve remembers low dread curling in his gut at the snappy response from Tony, knowing he was setting up for a lethal blow. “Steve’s been watching all of you do the nasty.”

After his cheeks had gone an appropriate shade of maroon, Steve sputtered through the rest of dinner, insisting that there weren’t any security cameras installed in private areas of the compound.

Then again, based on the way that Tony’s eyes had sparkled once he let the subject drop, Steve isn’t so sure anymore.

The mystery of whether seems hell-bent on keeping Steve from getting any work done tonight. Any time he so much as lowers his eyes to the page, the question plagues intently at the corners of his thoughts, forcing him to re-read the same briefing line at least a dozen times before he gives up and pushes the papers aside.

He’s just going to have to figure it out. Once and for all. He slumps over the edge of the desk, taking the mouse in one oversized hand and navigating to the edge of the window that he’s got open- flicking through the normal course of security footage. Front door, hallways, kitchen, gym, garden, repeat.

Steve is not blessed with extensive computer knowledge. But he knows that the black bar at the top of the screen, scrawled with words like file, edit, preferences, refers to a list of possible commands. So he keeps clicking through them, scrolling through each option until he finds something that points him in the right direction.

Under the view tab there’s another series of options. After mousing over one called ‘cycle settings,’ he realizes that the current feeds cycling through the monitor are only one option of many.

His eyes find ‘quarters’ far more quickly than he would care to admit. For an honest moment he sits there, cursor highlighting the option. He chews hard at his lower lip.

It wouldn’t be right. It would be a violation of privacy. But it’s Friday night. Steve’s willing to bet that hardly anyone is even home at the moment. What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?

Oops, he thinks to himself as he clicks, curiosity getting the best of him. My hand slipped.

The feed that pops up before him is, as he expected, mostly empty. Some of the bedrooms are unused, showing bare rooms with bare mattresses and naked walls.  Even the ones that are designated to his teammates are mostly unoccupied right now, some beds neatly made, some haphazardly rumpled.

There’s a flicker of motion out the corner of his eye that draws Steve’s attention. His heart clenches. Hard.

It’s your room. And you’re there, but you’re not alone.

The relationship that you have with Bucky is no secret. You connected with one another right away, finding peace in one another and happiness. You’ve turned Bucky into a shred of the man he used to be- smiling, grabbing for you in the kitchen, holding you close when you gather in the common room to watch movies or binge Seinfeld.

Steve’s supposed to be happy for you. Both of you. The two most important people in the world to him have found happiness with one another.

But he can’t help the rush of greed that consumes him every time you’re in front of him. Every time you put that love so proudly on display.

He wants you both for himself.

He clicks on the feed and it quickly expands to fill the entire monitor. This way, it’s easier for him to see the way Bucky looks, laid out on top of your stretched body. His knees are between your thighs, and though his hair hides your faces in a sweep of chestnut, his body doesn’t hide the way his hands are currently working themselves under the edge of your tank top, crawling up your ribcage as he kisses you like a man starved.

Based on the angle of the feed, Steve can surmise that the camera is probably situated in the control panel by your door. He should have guessed. Tony’s a sneaky bastard at the best of times. And the concept of boundaries has always been a foreign one to anybody named ‘Stark.’

Bucky rucks your shirt up over your bare chest. Steve swallows hard. He glances over his shoulder to make sure the door to his study is closed, then turns his attention back to the screen. Bucky’s palming one of your breasts, but he’s already kissed his way down to your chest and sucks attentively at the other one.

He’s worshipping your body. God, he’s so in love with you. Steve’s not sure which one of you he wishes he could be. Both. Neither. He wants to be in the middle.

His cock is already beginning to twitch to life inside his stiff chinos, and he shifts a little to palm the growing swell of it down one thigh. His mind is working a mile a minute- wrestling between how badly he knows he shouldn’t be doing this and how badly he wants to anyway.

Bucky tugs your sweatpants down over your hips in one swift motion and Steve reaches for his fly. He can’t fucking take this anymore.

It’s not like you’re going to look over and see him there, peering at you from the other side of the camera.

He’s just thankful that there’s no sound, or he would have definitely lost it by now. He can see the way your lips are moving, though, and imagines what you might be saying to each other. Are you tender? Dirty? He wants to know it all.

Bucky’s got your pants off now, and he’s shimmying out of his shirt, too. Steve tries hard not to admire the graceful dip and swell of his best friend’s muscles. He’s loved Bucky since he was a chubby-cheeked kid, and he wished that neither of them had ever been touched by any of this. But Bucky’s beautiful now, gorgeous in a way that Steve will never be. He handles his new mass with elegance.

The dull silver glint of a dog tag dangles from Bucky’s throat as he crawls up your body again, shucking down his pants. Steve’s already digging through the fabric in his lap, pushing the folds of his pants aside and pulling out his cock. He can’t stop. It’s like his limbs are moving all their own.

You’re both naked now. To Steve, it’s like a trip to the Louvre. Priceless artwork laid out for him alone. Both your bodies are so perfect. He never knew that he could want two things, two people so badly, but to choose between you would be to choose between breath and heartbeat.

He grips the base of his cock and groans as he watches Bucky line up. He’s so careful with you, worshipping your body at every turn. He slips his metal hand beneath your thigh, intertwining his flesh fingers with yours. He leans down to kiss you, so slow and soft it makes Steve’s chest ache to watch.

He’s seen the two of you kiss before. But this is an intimate moment, meant to be shared by just the two of you. For an instant it hits Steve how intrusive this is, to be looking in on a ritual as tender and sacred as this one.

Bucky’s hips ease forward, clean lines of muscle sinking into the sides of his thighs. Steve’s hand gives an involuntary jerk. He needs this- no- deserves this- and what you never find out won’t hurt you.

For all the softness that Bucky’s shown you in the lead-up he settles into a brutal rhythm, pounding rhythmically into your body as your legs twine around his hips to pull him in. It’s even more beautiful to watch from afar, and Steve quickly matches the rhythm of your lovemaking with his fist, pumping his hips into a closed hand and slicking the fluid that leaks from his tip up and down the length of his shaft.

“Fuck,” he gasps, despite himself. “fuuuck.”

Bucky lasts longer than he does.

Steve can’t help himself. Bound by nothing but his own pleasure, he cums fast. His thighs hit the underside of his desk as he swears and jerks and tugs on his cock, bucking his hips into nothing and spurting quick bursts over his fingers and palm. The pleasure that rushes his system is little compared to what he’d feel if he were with you, but… it’s all he can bear to take for himself.

He stays to watch the two of you finish, transfixed by the way Bucky’s hand slips between your legs and your mouth pops open in a silent cry. Even without hearing you he can tell when you’ve hit your peak- your whole body shivers and he fucks you through it, calm and steady as the tide.

He doesn’t last much longer after that, though, and Steve watches in awe. Bucky draws up so tight before he cums it looks like he’s going to snap, all the tendons and muscles in his body stretched to the breaking point. And when it hits him, he collapses forward, thrusting madly into you before his knees go shaky and he just buries himself to the hilt and stops. He trembles against you. Trails kisses down your whole body. And when he pulls out, his softening cock is followed by a handful of fluid- so much- and Steve comes back to himself so quickly he closes the entire security program and unplugs the desktop.

The weight of what he’s just done settles over his shoulders. But, fuck, he loved it. The image of you and Bucky and your bodies moving as one is printed permanently into his mind.

As he cleans himself up and gets dressed again, he wishes there was a way for him to make you both see. If he could just show you how much he adores you, both of you, maybe you’d let him in. If you knew that he didn’t want to come between you, maybe things would be different.

For tonight, though, all he’ll have is stolen memories. And for now, it has to be enough.

[re-diesirae]

16. Claire

When she woke up, the room was dark and barely lit by the light of the computer screens. Claire pushed herself up carefully and found Leon sleeping by her side. His hair perfectly combed, and his arms crossed over his chest. She didn't want to wake him, so she remained silent, letting herself get lost in her thoughts. Her headache had gotten a little better, but she wanted those painkillers, just in case.

Claire hated when she woke up in the middle of the night since she could never go back to sleep again. That left her lying in the darkness, thinking of a lot of useless things. That's why she had started staying in the office at night. That way, whenever she woke up in the middle of a night, something that happened often, she would drag herself into the lab and work on her research. She would often find Saya there, and the woman would make her hot chocolate, and they would either end up working the entire night or just casually chatting with Saya. Claire preferred that to the solitude of her apartment.

Well, I can't complain. I do have company. It's just that he is deeply asleep.

Thinking about Leon brought her memories of their earlier chat, and she was mad at herself for blushing when the agent had casually commented that he liked her. She already knew Leon liked her as a friend, so what was she doing getting flushed about it? Unfortunately, she couldn't control her physiological responses. Claire had always liked Leon. Even since Raccoon city, but back then, she had seen him go all over Ada, and she knew he still was all over her. They had had their moments after leaving the city, and she had thought about him often in the later years, but he had somehow become a platonic love, and she was okay with that.

Oh, Claire. You're just cursed. The decent men that you come to love and who care about you are the ones you can never have. She laughed at the irony.

"May gods kill me. What am I even thinking?" she whispered to herself as she looked at the sleeping man.

Ada was lucky; the woman should just swallow her pride and accept Leon once for all. That would make things easier for her. He would be happy, and she'd feel happy for him as well. That was the right thing to do..., right?

"Yeah, because at the end, you'll be alone." that little voice that had come to speak in her head so often whispered, "He will go to his beloved, and even your brother will leave you for his sweetheart. What will be left for you? An empty apartment filled with nightmares that lurk in the shadows and solitude."

Claire shook her head. If that voice was her conscience, she seemed to have a pretty rotten one, but maybe that inner voice wasn't wrong after all. Leon and Chris would make their lives someday. They wouldn't be agents forever, and when that happened, she would probably be in the way, but who was she to stop them from being happy? If Chris wanted to marry, she'd approve it. The same with Leon, even if it was that infamous spy.

"But you know you don't like it. You don't want him to go to her."

"Ugh, shut up," she mumbled, rubbing her temple.

" He likes her much more than he'd ever come to like you, even though you loved him that much."

Claire shook her head, trying to push away that annoying little voice.

"Pathetic, aren't you? Loving someone you shouldn't. It's your curse, maybe, Leon knows it too. All those who have come to you have died, one by one like Steve, like Piers, like Neil,"

Why did it have to mention Neil?

"Loving you would drag him to death. He'll die….painfully, just like they did."

Claire rubbed her head, maybe stronger than she had intended, but the pain made it hard to hear the voice, and that was a good thing, but suddenly, she felt a couple of warm hands grabbing hers and forcing her to stop.

" Hey, stop that…" Leon whispered, "You'll hurt yourself."

" Leon? I am sorry, did I wake you?"

"Don't worry about that. What happened? "

"I…"

I had an unpleasant conversation about you with my subconscious. Yeah, tell him that, so that he can take you for crazy.

"I had a nightmare... I have them pretty often. Sorry, I didn't warn you about that."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I'll rather not."

She stared at her hands. Leon was still holding them, and she cursed herself for wanting to stay like that for a bit longer.

Get a hold of yourself, Claire. You are not a teenage girl; you're a grown-up woman in a pretty bad situation. You can't be wasting your thoughts and energy on these stupid things.

Unfortunately, Leon wasn't helping. The man was rubbing her hands with his thumbs, a gesture that probably wanted to soothe her. He was worried, and she felt a pinch of guilt; she could at least try to tell him a part of what was making her uneasy.

"Neil…" she muttered.

"What?"

"Neil Fisher. My nightmare…" she lied. She felt bad about lying, but well, it wasn't entirely a lie. Part of her reaction was related to him, after all.

She felt his gaze staring at her, but he didn't reply as he waited for her to continue.

"I guess you might call it a trauma. Neil was a nice man, and for the first time in years, I thought I had found someone. It was stupid of me. I let my guard down. "

"You loved him?"

Love? She had liked him, yeah, but it couldn't be called love. They had things in common, and she had found his company pleasant, but their relationship never went beyond that. She somehow grew attached to him, and then she had thought that, maybe, something could happen there. How wrong she'd been.

"I don't think I would call it love. There was affection, but not real love. Call me old fashioned, but I am the kind that thinks there's no real love than the first. Neil was. someone special and what he did, god, it just tore me apart in so many ways."

She was honest. Neil's betrayal hurt more than anything. Neil broke her trust, the respect she felt for him, and she felt cheated. Maybe, to some, it would sound exaggerated, but to her, his betrayal had touched her deeply.

"It just….keeps tormenting me. I can't see anyone without thinking if that person would do the same. I just…., I recommended him for the job. He had experience, so I thought that he would do a good job, but if I think about it. Maybe if I hadn't, all that crap that happened would have never happened and, everyone: Pedro, Gabe, Edward, and Gina; they would all still be alive…"

"What happened was not your fault."

"It somehow was. I mean, Neil had access to our information because I rejected the spot and recommended him instead. If I hadn't been so biased about him.."

"You couldn't have known. Claire, you made a mistake, but it wasn't your fault. Some people are just good at hiding who they are. There was no way you could have foreseen what he planned."

"I guess… you might be right. I am sorry, I can be silly at times."

"Hey, it's okay. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks, Leon." she said with a friendly punch on his arm, "What times is it? Chris is certainly late, or it's just me?"

"He is late. It's 4 am. It'd be dawn soon."

"Ah...I think I've never been so grateful about sunlight."

"Not a morning person?"

"I am more a night owl, but mornings are okay, though. Do you think they'll bring us breakfast?"

"Who knows," he snorted, "But I'm sure they bring us some nice guns."

"They better do." she laughed, "I shouldn't complain. This little one saved my life enough times…"

The woman looked at the old rifle she'd picked on the village. The thing was old, but it had worked well until now. Still, she'd rather have something a little more powerful if she was to enter the underground facilities.

"But the girl is old. I don't know if her firepower will be enough for whatever is inside that laboratory."

"You tell me. I miss my guns."

"Don't worry. I can persuade Chris about sharing his toys."

"No doubt about that. Chris would never refuse that look."

Claire winked at him with a smile. She knew Chris had a soft spot for her, and with the years, she'd learned to use that to her advantage.

"What about you? Can you refuse it?" she laughed.

Leon meditated on his answer. His lips curled in a mischievous smile.

"Guess that would depend."

Claire rolled her eyes, ignoring the man's soft laughter. She pushed herself up and walked to the computer once more. Claire had skipped the night surveillance since she'd been tired, but now it was a good time to look through it. She had trusted that the facility security system would keep them safe.

"Signs from our little friend?" Leon said, approaching her after checking his gear. It seemed to be a habit of him, perhaps acquired with the years since she'd not seen him do that before.

" Let me see….well, look at that. Our ugly friend is finishing its diner-breakfast. Ugh, not something I fancy watching the first hour in the morning."

The image on the screen was nasty, and she knew that if that screen had not been a security camera, the screen would be a bloody mess. The B.O.W was the same that had attacked them in the cave, or at least the same type of beast. She felt chills as she stared at the same spider-like body crawl through that corridor, the claws on its front limbs impaled the bodies of some unfortunate Carriers.

"This thing intrigues me. I hope we can gather more information about it."

"I just want to know what it is and how I kill it. That's enough for me."

The redhead couldn't help but laugh about the boldness in his statement. Maybe it was that deadpan tone he had used, but she had found his words amusing.

"Do you think that's the one who attacked us?"

"Hard to tell. For all we know, the place could be crawling with those." Leon replied, shaking his head, "That's why I said what is it, and how do I kill it."

" I got you, Leon. If I figure that out, you'll be the first to know; but it's the first time I see B.O.W.s that "eat" B.O.W.s. I mean, I know there are some specimens that are extremely hostile to their kind, but to feed on each other?"

"These people are sick, so I wouldn't be surprised if they did it on purpose."

Claire was thinking of any reason why Neo-Umbrella would want to create a mutant who fed up with other mutants when a soft beeping interrupted her line of thought. She realized it was Leon's communicator when the man pulled it out from his pocket and answered.

"Hunnigan. It's so good to hear from you again."

" I can say the same thing, Leon. I got contacted by the B.S.A.A Alpha team just a while ago. They'll be arriving at your location within some minutes."

"Sure, they can take all the time they want. It's not like we'll be going anywhere."

"Funny, Leon. It's nice to see you still have your humor," Hunnigan said, amused.

"Well, someone needs to keep the mood up."

Hunnigan snorted.

"Anything important that we should know?" Leon said, "The jammer disconnected us from the rest of the world, so how about an update?"

"Well, I think I can fill you up with all the recent events, and perhaps you could do the same."

"Sounds fair. What do you have to tell, Hunnigan?"

"Is Ms. Redfield with you? I believe this might be of her interest, as well."

"She's right here."

"72h ago, exactly two hours after your disappearance, there was a bioterrorist attack launched over Hughesville."

"What?"

Claire was staggered in horror. There had been an attack in her city? Hughesville wasn't even a big city, so why would terrorists target it? Was that her fault, too?

"Luckily, I was informed by a TerraSave contact that there were few casualties. Most of the people of the city had successfully evacuated in the first 3 hours following the first attack thanks to the emergency procedure that Ms. Redfield had implemented some months ago."

"The Aganisia Procedure…" she whispered, " God, so it worked as it was supposed to."

"Yes, Ms. Redfield, and from what I heard, the results were satisfactory."

"If Aganisia activated, it means Anathallis got set into motion, as well. Did the B.S.A.A take the emergency call in time?"

"I was going to that. Indeed, B.S.A.A squads were deployed even before the first report of the bio-attack was done to the authorities."

"Oh, god. So it worked," she sighed in relief, "We've not used the procedure in real situations, only on simulations, so I was worried it might not work in a real context."

Leon looked at her quizzically, but she motioned at him, articulating a silent "Explain it later."

"It worked well, Ms. Redfield. You should be proud. The government wants to contact you once you have returned to the US, to talk about the possibility of implementing it in other cities, but we can discuss that later."

"So, what about the attack?" Leon asked.

"Yes, of course. The B.O.W.s used in the attack are from the C-virus. B.S.A.A managed to suppress most of the small scale weapons without major losses. However, the bigger ones represented a major challenge."

"So, they use C-virus Bioweapons? Damn, so Neo-Umbrella is still mass producing them."

"Mostly, yes. The attack was under control. However, a second attack launched late in the evening. This time, the attack forces included a new kind of B.O.W."

"A new...kind?"

"An unidentified specimen. It was suppressed by B.S.A.A elite Alpha Team."

"Chris…" Claire and Leon muttered at the same time.

"Yes, Mr. Redfield and his companions dispatched the entity after finding B.S.A.A Betta Team completely decimated."

"What did the B.O.W look like?" Leon asked, and Claire realized that the man was thinking the same as her. Could that new B.O.W be like the ones they had found in this place?

"I ...I don't have the details about that, I am sorry. I haven't received the report yet."

"That's fine, Hunnigan. Is the attack still on?"

"Yes, however, it seems that B.S.A.A. is handling it well. "

"Well, that's great. "

"That's all I have to report at the time being. It's your turn, Leon."

"There's not much I can tell you. We are in an isolated area. Judging by the vegetation, we are in highlands, and according to Claire, somewhere in Germany. The locals have been all infected with Plagas, but I have no idea which strain. There are also new B.O.W.s, but I can't tell if they'll match with the one seen in Hughesville. They're extremely violent and hostile with anything that moves, including other infection carriers, so we've tried to avoid confrontation. One of them found us last night. We barely made it alive…"

"Leon, that's terrible. Is any of you hurt?"

"We've been better, but it isn't anything serious: scratches and some bruises. We noticed a behavior pattern in this B.O.W.s. Their movement seems restricted to nighttime, and they seem to feed on other infection carriers. We reached a facility where we believe the responsible were carrying their research. I manage to inactivate the jammer that was interfering with communication, and so we can look for information once Chris's team arrives."

"Understood. I shall inform the higher-ups about this. Leon, be careful. I know it isn't an official mission, but…"

"Don't worry, Hunnigan. I consider it official."

"Okay, let me know if I can help with anything."

"Sure."

Claire watched him put down the command, look at her with an eyebrow raised.

"Care to explain it now?"

" Aganisia is the emergency evacuation protocol I designed for TerraSave. Once it sets in motion, it automatically starts the Anathallis procedure, which is a direct notice and deployment of B.S. anti-terrorist troops.

"I get it. Any particular reason about the names, though?"

"I… I like orchids," she shrugged. There was no deep reason behind the names. At that time, she had seen the flowers, and she found the sound of the name appealing.

"Orchids?"

"Well, what's wrong with that? Orchids are pretty."

Leon couldn't stop himself from laughing, and Claire just smiled shyly.

NOTE: if you guys want to come and chat about the fic, or just about CLEON in general. Feel free to drop by the discord and say hi! JOIN SERVER

[chandelier-s-notebook]

Yoo! I’m back in with an 11 Chapter (subject to change) story. This was made for the TWB Fic Flip, unfortunately I wasn’t able to finish the whole thing by the deadline, but chap 1 is out.

Let me know if you wanna get tagged when I post new chapters. @sleepysnails.

Ao3 Link

-------------------------

Techno Blade strode into the old gas station on the corner opposite the local mall. He winced at the harsh fluorescent lighting that welcomed him in from the crisp evening air.

He lowered his hood and ran his fingers through his short pink hair. His roots were coming in, he’d need to grab some dye as well tonight. Taking off his backpack, he began placing items in--trying to fit as much as possible: beef jerky, canned peaches, chocolate bars, a couple energy drinks a pack of Tic Tacs, and some box dye from the ends of the isle.

Techno glanced at the cashier. He liked when Tango was on shift; that guy didn’t give a shit about anything and cared more about Clash of Clans than whatever thievery Techno was doing whenever he came by.

“You plan on paying for that stuff?” Tango shouted across the room, still immersed in his game. “You know I don’t get commission if you steal it?”

“Of course!” Techno called back. He snorted to himself, it said a lot about his life that he and the cashier could joke about him stealing from the store. Techno grabbed another bag of beef jerky, slipping it into his steadily filling backpack. He heard the ding of Tango opening the till and the sound of coins splattering on the counter. “For Tommy,” he muttered, reminding himself why he was risking a criminal record.

There was an emergency exit he knew he could use down by the bathrooms. Techno studied the monitor that was supposed to display feeds from the four security cameras, but those were still busted from when those college seniors ransacked the place the week prior. Four different static patterns danced back at him. At least that would make his escape easier, not that Tango couldn’t point him out in a line up.

He grabbed a pack of gummy worms and put them at the top of his bag. “For Tommy to share with his friends.” He smiled to himself. Gosh he was going soft for the kid.

“Get down!” The front door was kicked open with so much force that the previously fractured glass shattered upon impact with the wall. “Hands where I can see them!” a male voice yelled.

Techno didn’t do that, his confrontation response telling him to stay put and out of it rather than submitting. Instead he crouched down and leaned his back against the aisle shelves, peaking out towards the counter. There were two guys pointing guns at Tango; one was ginger, black jacket, medium height, orange bandana peaking over his collar; the other was taller, but he was also less confident in his stance, blond, and he was wearing a purple sweatshirt--one that Techno was certain he had seen a thousand times before.

“Guys guys,” Tango said, trying to placate them. “I’m in the middle of something. Can this wait?”

“No. No it can’t,” he voice said again, clearly put off by Tango’s causal demeanor.

“Really? Cause I gotta get back to my Clan War…” he trailed off.

“Aren’t there more important things than a Clan War right now?” a new voice asked.

A voice that Techno recognized. If he thought the hoodie gave it away then the voice was the nail in the coffin. He let out an involuntary “Why?” before he could stop himself.

All three heads turn to him. “Like I said, in the middle of something; there’s a customer here.” Tango spoke slowly, as if the situation was finally dawning on him.

The ginger turned his gun towards the store. “Show yourself!” he demanded.

“Isn’t this place a little low profile for Las Nevadas?” Techno tried to joke. Eyes darting towards the door, Techno put his hands up. “I’m just shopping.”

“Not you’re not.” Fundy Soot smiled menacingly. “We’re doing a robbery, if you couldn’t tell. Take what you need and scram. Don’t call the cops either.”

“Got it.” Once Fundy turned his attention back to Tango, Techno grabbed a pack of M&Ms and shoved them in his backpack as well. He leaned down to zip it up, before tossing it over his shoulder and snagging a tube of toothpaste on his way out. Sue him, he needed a refill.

Techno carefully stepped over the shattered glass, and made his way out of the building. He regretted leaving Tango to deal with the gang, but sometimes he needed to put himself first. Always. Always put himself first. Techno vaguely wonders if he’s ever actually bought anything from this gas station.

“It’s immoral to steal,” yet another voice from the left side of the door called.

Techno whipped around and took in the man next to him. Techno first took notice of the red fabric folded neatly into a handkerchief pocket: a bandana. “You with those guys?” he asked, taking a step back.

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not.”

“Then why aren’t you calling this in?”

“Why aren’t you?” the man countered.

Techno gave him a sarcastic look, the sides of his mouth twitching in displeasure. “Because the guy with the gun told me to run, so excuse me.” He pivoted to make his escape.

“Say I said I was with those guys,” he said before Techno could make his escape. “What would you do?”

“I would assume you are Wilbur Soot. Brown trench coats and fluffy hair are the signature look of that guy. Looks like you’re watching over your brother and the new kid.” He shifted uneasily on his feet, ready to bolt. “Las Nevadas, saw the marker, figured it was polite to ask.”

Wilbur nodded, a gleeful smile taking over his face. He held out his hand. “Gimme the bag.”

“I need this.”

“Give it here.”

“Please,” Techno said, taking another step closer to his car. “Why do you need to take my stuff? You have two guys in there with guns.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

Wilbur opened his palm, getting impatient. “I just want the M&Ms, kid.”

Techno glared at him, but he nonetheless opened his bag and handed them to the man. At least he could keep everything else in the bag.

“Thanks.” Wilbur ripped open the packaging and tipped his head back, sliding half of the bag into his mouth.

Techno took a tentative step back and waited a second for Wilbur to wave him off. “Hope Tango’s okay,” he muttered to himself on the brisk, stiff walk back to his car.

He threw the bag into the passenger seat and rested his head against the steering wheel--trying to slow down his beating heart--for thirty seconds before remembering that there was a robbery taking place ten meters from him, and he did not want to deal with the police.

Techno snorted to himself, and turned on the engine. As if he hadn’t gone in there with the express purpose of stealing.

He sighed deeply as he took stock of himself. He didn’t get shot--which was great. He also had a lot more food to add to his stash. His and Tommy’s stash.

Techno groaned out loud. Tommy. The person in the purple sweatshirt was definitely the kid’s friend Purpled and now he was going around robbing gas stations with Las Nevadas. “Why? It could have been anything else, but no: he just had to go and join a gang.” Techno slammed on the gas pedal more than was necessary. Techno parked his car a couple streets away from his foster home. He waited for a few minutes to collect himself. “Eleven thirty,” he read off the car’s dashboard. “Gonna have to use the window.”

He arrived at the house. Through the ground floor window he could see that the lights were on at the back of the house. The house he was in is quite old, and he’d managed to snag a room in the attic with a bay window jutting out the side of the roof. He’d had it for as long as he could remember, in fact the Foster Bitch’s was the only house he’d ever had the displeasure of living in.

Unfortunately, Techno was in the circumstance of having had to do this a hundred times. He hopped up one of the columns holding the overhang above the porch, feet slotting into familiar grooves. Swinging himself up on the shingles and quickly making his way to the concave corner of the building, he used his momentum to push himself up the next two stories. Finding the familiar scruff marks on the window frame, he hoisted himself up to the top of the roof.

Techno looked out at the street below, it was a nice few all things considered. He went to open the window.

Locked.

Right. It had been storming the night before and he forgot to open it in his rush to get to school that morning.

Techno looked up at the sky. It was nice out, and he wasn’t one to be bothered about sleeping in day clothes--better than facing the wrath of the Foster Bitch for entering the house at such a late hour. He’d have to sleep on the side facing the backyard, he remembered what happened last time he slept on the roof.

Techno knocked on the window. Yes, Tommy should be asleep right now, but it didn’t hurt to check. After a minute he knocked once more.

Techno smiled at Tommy through the glass when the kid finally dragged himself out of bed to let his roommate in. The blond stuck out his tongue and opened the window. “Evening Blade,” he whispered. “What brings you back so late?”

“Sleep,” Techno said, slipping into the room. He snorted at the sleepy, unamused look Tommy gave him. “Stuff. Did you eat?”

“No. The other kids got to it first.” Tommy closed the window behind them, leaving the latch unlocked. “Like always.”

Techno hummed and unzipped his bag. He dumped the contents out and started organizing them.

“How did you get that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Techno dug through the pile and pulled out a pack of beef jerky. He tossed it in the general direction of Tommy’s head. “Leave a slice for me.”

Tommy caught the bag and quickly tore it open. He watched Techno disperse the food around their shared room, taking note where each item would be. “Techno?” he called in a small voice.

“I know, Tommy. I’m careful.”

Tommy’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “Techno if you’re caught they’re going to send you away!” he said, still a little distressed. “Then how am I going to survive here?”

“I won’t get caught.” Techno reassured him. “And if I do, I’m not getting sent away. If that was the case I’d have been gone before you even showed up here last year.” Techno hummed; he remembered that party. Some kid he’d never spoken to couldn’t afford to lose their scholarship so little seventh grade Techno had taken the blame for the alcohol serving party held at the house that night. He chuckled as he remembered gaslighting the whole community that it was his idea, not his finest moment, but one he was proud of nonetheless.

Being barred from the dinner buffet for two weeks had been worth the reputation points. Plus, he learnt valuable hoarding skills in that time. The Foster Bitch was fine--all things considered--but she was under the impression that if she put out a bunch of food on the table, everyone would get an equal portion in the mad dash for sustenance.

That wasn't the case. Techno could get food just fine, but Tommy was a gangly fourteen year old with too much height and not enough bulk; it was virtually impossible for him to grab food off the table.

“I’m not going to get caught.” Techno said putting the gummy worms on Tommy’s night stand. He held out his pinky, “I promise. I’m safe.”

“Techno,” Tommy whined, unhappy with the response--ignoring Techno’s hand. “That stash is bigger than normal.”

“I know.”

“Techno.”

“The cashier was busy with something else.”

Tommy’s voice took on a colder tone. “Techno.”

“Tommy.”

“What was the cashier busy with?”

“Stuff.”

Tommy huffed. “It wasn’t a Dream Team thing was it? You shouldn’t be hanging out with them.”

Techno snorted. “I’m older than you. Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to tell you to stop hanging out with the wrong crowd? Dream’s fine. Besides, you hang out with his little brother.”

“Well yeah!” Tommy’s voice got defensive. “But Tubbo’s Tubbo. Dream’s in the news for stealing and shit.” Tommy munched on his jerky angrily, even if he was going to stay oblivious: they both knew that Techno didn’t have the money to pay for this. Tommy dropped the friend’s point and moved to double down on the previous one. “What was the cashier busy with?”

“Stuff. Not Dream. Not death. Just stuff okay?”

“Not death?”

“Not death,” Techno agreed sagely.

“You aren’t going to tell me?”

Techno took off his hoodie and belt, but otherwise didn’t bother with pajamas. “Nope.” He settled into bed and held out his hand for Tommy to pass him the food.

Tommy stared him dead in the eye as he ate the last piece of beef jerky from that particular package. Techno rolled his eyes, but he understood; Tommy had heard that from Techno before: the not explaining where he’d been. He knew not to bother his foster brother, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.

The next morning Techno and Tommy didn’t bother going to the kitchen for breakfast. Instead, they ate last night’s stolen granola bars in the comfort of their dingy penthouse suite--attic room--and listened to the thundering feet of the ten other foster’s in the house racing to get some food.

“If you want another, then take another.” It had taken a long time for Techno to teach Tommy that it was safe to take food from his stash; as far as he was concerned it was their stash. Hopefully, Tommy would stop feeling guilty about not asking, although that didn’t seem like it was happening any time soon.

Tommy sent him a half smile and scoffed down another bar. The two of them got ready for school, and were soon in Techno’s car. It was a ten minute drive to the high school, and Tommy sang along with the radio at the top of his lungs. It would be endearing if Techno wasn’t socially exhausted from the extrovert living in his room.

“I’m on top of the world, eh!” Tommy shouted, flipping off their foster siblings waiting at the bus station.

“Tommy.”

“What?”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“ I’m on top of the world! ”

Techno kept his smile to himself.

He rolled the car to a stop in the school parking lot. Before Tommy could open the door and vault out, Techno spoke. “Today’s a ‘going to Bad’s after school’ type of day.”

“What? Why?”

“Hanging out with Dream.”

Tommy’s face soured.

“Come on, don't be like that.”

“It’s not that I don’t like Bad. I just don’t like Dream. He’s bad news, and in the news.”

“It’s just an English project. We need to make a PowerPoint on something or other.”

“Okay,” Tommy said stiffly.

“I don’t police your friends. You don’t police mine.”

“Tubbo’s not in the news. Neither is Purpled. And you can’t complain about Ranboo.”

Techno thinks back to last night with the Soot brothers and the new kid in a purple sweatshirt. “Put a pin in Purpled.”

“No!” Tommy looked appalled at the insinuation Techno just made about his friend. “Have some faith. Tubbo and Purpled won’t turn out like their older brothers. Crime isn’t a gene that runs in families!”

Techno smiled sadly. “I hope not. Get out.”

“What do you mean ‘put a pin in Purpled?’” Tommy demanded.

Techno shrugged him off. “Text me if you leave Bad’s, I’ll come pick you up later.”

Tommy harshly pulled at the car door. “Tubbo won’t be like Dream, and Purpled won’t be like Punz.”

“I never said Purpled was a mercenary!”

Tommy got out of the car, slammed the door, and flipped his brother off before marching away.

Techno was so glad that they didn’t share any DNA. Could you imagine that? But just because they were brother’s out of necessity and foster placement didn’t mean he didn’t care about the kid.

[linkspooky]

It is really sad how Eren treats his friends. They are very supportive and see him through the tough situations yet he is cold and manipulative towards them.

How Eren treats his friends is one of the most interesting aspects of his character. He always makes it clear how much he loves his friends, but at the same time very confused by the idea that they might love him. He wants to love others, but he doesn’t want to be loved. 

It reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books, Zaregoto Volume 2: Strangulation Romanticist. 

Hers was an all-embracing love. Unwavering, undiluted affection. If I killed a person directly, she would probably forgive me even then. She would love me all the same. To me, that love was just a little too heavy.  I could feel it crushing me. That wide open devotion. It wasn’t that I couldn’t feel affection towards others. It was that I couldn’t receive affection from others. No matter how much adoration Mikoko-chan showed towards me, all I could respond with was disdain for a murderer. No matter how much her feelings for me had inspired her actions, all I could see was another homicide. 

And thus I was damaged goods. And thus I was a human failure. 

Basically, the protagonist of the story is unable to accept other people’s love for him because he’s unable to see himself as a person fundamentally worthy for love, so whatever their feelings are towards him he rejects them all. Eren feels things for other people, but he rejects other’s feelings towards him and that’s why a lot of his relationships break down. I’ll elaborate more under the cut. 

So, it starts with the mother (as it often does). “Because I was Born into this World” is a phrase Eren’s entire character revolves around. It’s a statement of unconditional love. A parent should love a child because they were born as their child, that’s enough, that love doesn’t have to be earned. It’s a simple and warm statement. 

Unconditional love is something that Eren wants, but also he can’t really comprehend or even accept because he doesn’t feel like he’s earned it. Eren fixates on his mother, and more specifically the trauma of losing his mother. 

His mother loves him unconditionally, however, Eren wasn’t able to do anything for his mother. He wasn’t able to protect her and watched helplessly as she tied. Eren had unconditional love for most of his formative years yes, but it was also taken away from him suddenly when he was a child in a situation he had no control over. Ever since that, every single relationship Eren ahs formed with toher people has been an insecure attachment. 

In basic terms, insecure attachment is a relationship style where the bond is contaminated by fear. This is expressed mainly as reluctance in the relationship and other mixed emotions, such as dependence and rejection. Most psychologists believe that insecure attachment is formed in early childhood.

In developmental psychology the basic theory is that the way children first form connections with their parents will inform them on how all other relationships after that point are made. Those who have a secure attachment know how to make healthy connections with other, while those who are insecure will continue to show unhealthy behaviors later on in life. 

Eren had a secure attachment, and he lost it in a situation outside of his control. That stunted his growth, and ability to form all other relationships past that point. Yes, Eren still had some ungrateful behavior towards Armin and Mikasa when he was younger and his mother was still alive, but those behaviors are things he could have grown past if he was raised in a healthy environment. Instead, he lost his home, all security, and was raised as a child soldier instead. 

This has been a paradox in Eren’s character for a long time. Unlike people like Reiner, unlike Zeke, or even Historia, Eren has unconditinoal love surrounding him coming from Armin and Mikasa. He has two people who would trust him. He still had a home even after losing his initial home. 

Zeke can’t comprehend why Eren who has all of these things, all fo the things Zeke has wanted his entire life, in both childhood and his adolescence is unable to accept any of them. Why he would choose to throw them all away and fight instead? Once again, it comes to Eren’s image of himself. 

Eren doesn’t see himself as a good person. He doesn’t see himself as worthy of love. That’s why even though he wants to share a family with Mikasa, and share a dream with Armin he ends up rejecting both of them because he sees himself as too inferior to accept any of their feelings. He’s too insecure about himself to form any kind of attachment. 

It returns to his mother because that was the starting point of his trauma. It’s not that he’s been the same ever since he was born. He’s just never been able to grow and cope properly with the loss of his mother. Ever since losing her, his every other relationship has been characterized by fear of this loss. He’s so paralyzed by fear of losing people he can’t allow himself to get close to people, and that’s where the insecurity comes from. This doublethink statement. Eren wants a mother’s love, but Eren sees himself as a bad person unworthy of a mother’s love. 

This is a paradox that informs every one of his actions. Eren loves his friends. Eren doesn’t want to be loved back. There is also an element to control about this. Eren can control his own feelings, but can’t control other people’s feelings. 

Eren can understand himself. He can understand his own love. He can understand that he would die for Mikasa, and he knows his own feelings towards Armin as well. However, he doesn’t really get why either of them would ever like him. 

Eren is told right to his face that Mikasa loves him, and his response is to brush it off. It doesn’t matter because Eren can’t experience that love. Not only can he not accept it, but he also is going to die regardless. He doesn’t really understand other people’s feelings, and when he is confronted with those feelings he finds himself unworthy of them. He’s always seen himself as inferior to both Mikasa and Armin. He genuinely doesn’t understand why Mikasa would follow him around.

He’s always seen Armin as someone different and better than him, because Armin can care about things besides violence. He’s driven by more than just hatred. 

Which is why Eren eventually cuts off both relationships to him. One he was never able to accept their feelings for him in the first place. Two, it’s about control. If Eren is the one to break the relationships then he is still in control. He’s not abandoned, because he is the one who chose to terminate the relationships. Everything Eren does is out of his fear of losing people, but also of losing people in uncontrolled circumstances. 

If Eren is the one who is cutting them off, if Eren is the one who breaks the connection then that’s different somehow. That’s different to Eren at least. Once again it goes back to the idea of insecure attachment. There’s a reason that Eren’s description of freedom just sounds like being alone. Eren can’t accept other people’s feelings for him. Which is why he’ll often choose to do these things entirely on his own, because trying to deal with other people is too difficult for him. It’s easier for him to be alone. He doesn’t feel security from a single one of his attachments. 

It is once again a child’s idea of forming relationships. He wants everyone to agree with him, and when they don’t he wants them to leave him alone. He can’t handle conflict and either pushes them away or goes off to sulk on his own. He wants the bad things, and the conflicts to just disappear by closing his eyes and coveing his ears. His own feelings for other people matter, but he doesn’t really comprehend other peopel’s feelings for him. Eren views his relationships in a very immature and stunted way, and doesn’t really want to grow past that. A fully developed person is capable of having secure relationships where they can accept other people’s feelings even if they lead to conflict. 

Utlimately, the disconnect between Eren and his friends post-timeskip comes from the fact that all of Eren’s other friends are struggling in their own ways to grow up, and grow past who they once were. Whereas, Eren wants to remain the same ever since he was a child. He wants to cling to his and Armin’s childish dream that the world is completely empty and open for them to explore. 

Which is why unless Eren makes a major change fast in the way he connects to other people he’s going to be alone. If Eren’s mother told him he deserves to “live in this world” simply by being born, then dying alone would be the opposite of what his mother wanted for him. But it’s a road he’s quickly speeding down. 

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Ace In The Hole

Masterlist

When the team decides to bring back Superman Wonder Woman agrees but on one condition she can bring someone in to help in case he goes rogue. Bruce agree just for a quiet life however no one was quite expecting a tall pubescent teen.

Warnings:Swearing, sort of angsty, bit of fluff

A/N: This was a request from priestess-of-death for a Scarlet witch type Shy Teen reader x Motherly Wonder Woman helping to defeat Steppenwolf. I used a mix of comic and movie abilities and got a little creative with the back story. This was the first heavy action piece I have done I tried really hard to make them believable and I hope it lives up to you expectations xx ps its looong!

Dividers are made by wrightyourmindaway

Ace In

Diana smiled in encouragement as she lead you down into a...warehouse? You looked around slowly as you both breezed through some heavy looking security. You moved closer to her trying to calm your breathing."You'll be fine... They are children really, nothing to be frightened of I promise" you nodded to the woman fully trusting her, she had never lead you wrong before and was unlikely to stat now. Quickly scurrying up behind her your shaking hands clutching as her forearm in a white knuckle grip as she made it into the huge warehouse where there was a group of people waiting....

"Whats Mr Wayne doing here?" You tilted your head a little to her she smiled at you patting your hand but ignored the question as Bruce moved forward holding a hand out to her exasperated.

"Diana...What? I thought you said you had someone who'd help with-" he stopped when she shot him a look holding a hand on your shoulder she pulled you around her pressing insistently so you stood forward. Almost as if trying to show you off to the group rubbing your back as your breathing hitched. The others glowered at the woman behind you instantly making assumptions about you already. It was clear to them that you had no idea what was about to be asked of you.

"Why have you returned with a kid? I thought you were going to get someone who could actually help! We have a crisis on our hands here-" Diana growled moved stepping away from you making you panic a little just sort of hovering there alone as the other three analyzed you. Each eyeing you intently weighing you up, judging you. You wanted to melt into the floor you trusted Diana you really did...But this was big...or you thought it was, it must be she hadn't shared the details but for her to pull you out of school; And your attendance was something she was very strict with .It must be a big deal. You shifted from one foot to the other well aware of the men in the room outright staring at you. You took a deep breath trying to focus on anything other then the situation you found yourself in.

"She is here to help Bruce..She's something else powerful and I know shes going to be a great help." You moved pulling on the sleeves of your knit sweater the cuffs loose from the way you bite and pull at them from anxiety, you twisted the soft wool through your fingers looping and unlooping the hanging stitch around the tip of your finger, you looked around. She turned to you holding out a hand and you all but ran at her pinching at her jacket. Bruce wasn't convinced peering at you with a huff.

"I met her a few years ago, she helped me save a lot of people and is definitely someone we need on the team." You took a deep breath as Mr Wayne gave you a sharp look.

"Soo she has abilities? What are they?" You looked wide eyed at Diana as Bruce stood over you and flinched trying to tuck yourself into her.

"I...er...There’s lots...hard to explain..." you spoke quietly almost frightened of being heard by him...He seemed very strict. He sighed realizing he wasn't going to get very far in the way of answers from you, turning on his heal he threw Diana a look tilting his head at her.

"Right...okay so in other words not a clue.." Diana growled at him moving to shield you as you bit your lip looking at the floor. You could see the man was stressed you took a slow step back not used to being this close to strangers....you didn't like strangers. They were...unpredictable.

"How is she gonna be help if she is to scared to even speak?"

"Bruce! She isn't scared she is just shy... She has what we amazons call chaos magic...Its an ancient gift! One that is coverted by ancient beings....It proved very useful in fighting him last time!" You closed your eyes cursing yourself for being so shy, but you were surprised when the frighteningly tall long haired man stood from his seat on the desk looking to Diana then you staring holes into you.

"Chaos magic? As in the gods sealing disgraced gods magic inside a mortal? That Chaos magic?....Isn't that supposed to be a fairy tale? Legend or something? yadda yadda all that shit?" You looked at him as he watched you intently...Gods? You looked to Diana for help you don't know what the huge man meant but it frightened you.

"Not legends Arthur...They were real...For generations these bloodlines held some magical abilities...But as time grew on the blood thinned going from incredible abilities to clairvoyant falling further and further until finally the gods interference was... effectively bred out and they became normal humans again... She is a matriarch of a new bloodline... She has to be! Her abilities are far to similar to those of the first generations. She has Chaos magic and its strong...stronger than anything the amazons have seen in nearly two and a half thousand years" The man; Arthur nodded to you and huffed

"I know what they are... But You really expect me to believe that all that power is in this lanky pipsqueak that speedy Gonzalez over there could snap like a twig?" He laughed shaking his head scoffing.

"Sorry but I just don't see it" he walked passed you and leaned on a metal beam still eyeing you.Diana was quick to jump at him, hell bent on protecting you from his seemingly harsh words. The others stood back as she got irritated with Arthur and Bruce's attitude.

"Trust me on this she stands more of a chance against Superman then the five of us together" you looked up at her startled. Against Superman? Wasn't he dead? Unless he never died but something else happened to him something sinister?...And what did she mean against. Did they want you to fight superman. Fuck no. You pulled at her arm making her look at you softly.

"What? but I thought he was... I...Is that what you need? For me to...To what exactly? Fight him? I don't think I can-" She moved over to you leaning down, tho not to far considering you were very tall for your age having your teenage growth spurt a tad early and settling at a firm 5 foot 4 inches and still growing. She gave you an apologetic look.

"We are bringing him back...And we want...Need all the help we can get...We don't know what's going to happen, if he is going to be the same..." you hugged yourself tightly shrugging her off a little shaking your head.

"B-but you said...I'm not...What you saw me do could...I could change him, fuck him up so bad and then what?" She sighed looking down she knew full well you didn't have much confidence in yourself but the others? your outburst hadn't helped convince anyone. She knew you wasn't ready but she didn't have a choice, no one did not anymore. She moved back to face you smiling softly.

"Your strong, I've seen some of what your capable of and I feel like that was just the tip of the iceberg...I’m sorry for doing his to you, so young...so much to loose and If I could keep you out of this I would...I know I said that I would call on you when your ready...when you have grown into your powers...But we don’t have time for that we need you now...there is an enemy...Steppenwolf he has tried to end this world once before over three thousand years ago the three races of men thwarted him then... but he has come back with a vengeance and is here already days away from destroying this planet and we need to put and end to him. To do that we need as many meta-humans fighting this battle and we need Superman back... I promise that I will protect you even if it costs me my life...But please please we need you with us." You looked down at your feet and nodded.

"Okay...I will help...Can you just give me a sec....need to go home and get changed" you heard Bruce and Arthur sigh and start complaining they didn't have time, but Diana ignored them nodding to you. You smiled and closed your eyes vanishing in a cloud of bluey purple fog like haze, teleporting from the warehouse.

Diana smirked as the moaning men stopped their bitching as the tall teen disappeared. She moved slowly to the desk leaning on it crossing her arms and frowned at the team."I expect you to be much kinder to her. There’s no need for you to go at her like that! She is young and shy and what I've asked from her has probably terrified her, but she is here and she is helping, that is my compromise on bringing him back. She stays, I'm taking full responsibility for her, you upset her or scare her away and there will be hell to pay! Understand?" The four men gulped each nodding slowly, Barry looked ready to piss himself. It took a lot for Diana to get defensive like this and none of them had ever seen her in the almost hostile state. She meant business. She nodded after meeting everyone's gaze. it was clear that Diana was very protective of you and none of them doubted she would rip them a knew one if they upset you.

"Remember be nice... This was the compromise and you agreed Bruce" Suddenly you were back in the room this time in a pair of thick black leggings and long sleeved blue top with tiny white anchors on it much easier to move around in...its not like you actually had a super suit. Blinking shaking your head a little you smiled shyly as everyone looked at you closely the silence was broken by Bruce who began to fill you in on The plan.

You moved cautiously around the ship as Bruce and Viktor moved Superman's ...corpse? Body? Into the pool letting him sink a little. You looked from one to the other as they all began discussing how this was gonna go, for the mos part you tried to keep out of everyone’s way but as they deliberated amongst themselves emphasizing how this had to be executed so precise to the second you spoke up.

"I-I'll hold it.....If Barry is late I will slow it down....So it hits...The water thingy...on time." They looked to you, Diana smiling happy that you was willing to help it had been the first time you'd tried making yourself heard...So far you'd only spoke when directly asked something and even then it was one word answers if you could get away with it. She probably should have shed some light on you for the others and filled them in on your story but she was hoping that you would open up to them, she supposed it was her...Motherly instinct towards you she was trying to she was trying to use this situation as a learning curve to pry you out of your shell with the group so they would help you over your shyness...It was holding you back and she could see the others didn't really understand they didn't see anything but a silly little girl who didn't belong here mistaking your shy nature for fear ,Barry sighed placing hands on his hips taking a dismissive tone with you.

"How its not like you can see me when I'm moving that fast-"Diana frowned going to scold Barry for trying to dismiss you so rudely but was cut off by you speaking up for yourself, seeing a glimpse of the fiery girl behind the shy exterior.

"How can you say that when you've never seen my powers..." He scoffed shaking his head at you then turned to the others

"I'll get into position count me down" Before you could reply to him he was gone. you looked down to your sleeves again tugging on them. That was why you didn't bother with people, you were mature and quiet which was strange for a thirteen year old you knew that, but it never got easier having people always underestimate you for your age. Victor sighed looking at you he could see your dilemma to an extent you were much like him, you had low confidence and being shy wasn't doing you any favors he still didn't think you belonged there but he could see how crushed you was being shut down by Barry when all you wanted to do was help.

"You really think you can?..This has to be spot on there can't be any mistakes" you looked to the water again then nodded.

"I've stopped trains and stuff.." Viktor blinked at you.

"This is going to be faster than a train maybe you should step back on this one..." he frowned noting his comment had come across almost as dismissive as Barry's and you heaved a slow deep breath looking to Superman , he could see you fidgeting with your fingers again. He sighed and looked towards Diana flinching when he noticed her dark look as she shook her head at him then spoke on your behalf.

"Is it faster then lightning?" You turned to Diana who spoke for you and smiled at her as Viktor turned to you shocked,.

"Lightning? You’ve stopped lightning?" You nodded shrugging slowly twiddling the threads on your sleeves which by now everyone knew was a habit, something you did when your anxiety spiked.

"Ugh well yeah it was gonna hit the tree in my garden....It'd make it fall on my dads car and he'd get mad soo....So gave it a nudge... it was pretty fast so a box shouldn't be so hard to stop." He nodded with a small smile trying to reassure you. You guessed it was a good thing as he told you to be ready. Then it happened, the box began to fall and Barry ran...It was..he was to slow,well not slow but they would be off by a second or so and quickly raised your hands, your power lunged out in one short millisecond burst of bright blue making the Motherbox's descent stutter then it hit the water just as Barry Passed it. There was a bright light and a huge noise like a crack then you looked up noticing a hole in the ceiling, then to pool it was empty...Superman was alive!. You grinned excited that he was back! you felt a flood of relief as you realized the plan had worked but any joy was quickly replaced by a stomach churning uncertainty. You looked to Diana asking her what to do and she just smiled nodding for you to follow.

You found yourself standing in line with the others looking up as Superman paced slowly across his own monument, like a predator.....A confused dangerous predator finally he looked noticing you all. That was when your stomach dropped, something was wrong, seriously wrong.

"Diana! I-I can see....He's not right! He-hes confused angry, the memories are there...but-but not in order! Fast flashing even I cant make sense of them...there making me dizzy!....they are confusing...it looks...Feels painfull" Arthur looked down the line at you wide eyed.

"You can see in peoples heads?! Fuck me!" You winced and gave him a quick glance not really wanting to take your eyes off the frantic Alien. You looked back at Superman trying to tap into him. He was angry anxious worried...confused all in one yet above all he looked determined. Whatever he had just decided was definitely going to happen. You gasped seeing him turn for the worst.

"Diana...He remembers Bruce trying to kill him." At those words Diana realized how bad this was and watched him ready to strike. He zeroed in on Viktor who was loosing control of his arm. You quivered not wanting any part of this, terrified as Viktor fought with his defense system.

"P-please sto-op it ple-please I don't w-want to fight him pl-please" your words were barely a whisper, more breaths to be honest

"I cant..I'm sorry" it was to late, Viktor had fired. You watched in horror as the newly revived very volatile kryptonian swerved dodging the blast. Suddenly all hell broke loose.

You froze gulping physically shaking as the others dived at him each having a go at him each failing. You watched as Barry made his move but faltered slipping and scrambling out of the way. In moment of panic you moved, wanting to to help Barry who was still scrambling trying to get his legs underneath him to get away. Suddenly you were between them moving your hands up in a defensive move and stretching them pulling a think wispy cord of your power between them screaming throwing everything you had at the man? Alien? Your power erupted around him in a burst of purples and blues moving in an enraged roaring fire centering around him and tapered off into slow tendrils moving in a smoke like fashion. you grunted as he pushed against it. Cringing when he nearly tore himself free from it, you almost collapsed as he beat at it swiping this way and that. You glanced down seeing Barry sitting there stunned as you pushed back against Superman panting and grunting as he thrashed wildly at you.

"Barry! Move get out of here! I can't hold him for long!" you trembled body beginning to ache as your energy was pouring out towards him trying to fully ensnare him. There was a spark and Barry was gone of to the side. This was much harder then you'd thought it’d be and that was saying something. You coughed as he made a particularly well aimed heavy hit, the ricochet almost winding you making you draw back for a split second. Seeing you falter Arthur was quick to charge at him only to be batted away being sent flying as Superman man a bee line for you, he had decided to take you out first it seems. How you managed to throw out another wave towards him you didn't know but you had slowing him when he was a hairs breath away from you. You stumbled back quickly this wasn't working you couldn't hold him off for long. It was meant to fully subdue him! you panicked this was the first time someone had broken through it and you didn't know what to do. you looked left and right still trying to get as much distance between the two of you as he managed to land another hit momentarily breaking you down. you scrabbled back as the others lunged for him again all being strewn across the area as he still gunned for you. You struggled to keep him at bay it wasn't working as intended but it slowed him down significantly, his lunges and punches were more like a mortal man. Slow enough to dodge you cried out moving and dodging him as best as you could then you screamed seeing the red of his eyes. He was going to?!

"NO STOP PLEASE!" He didn't listen you could see it in his face, you were an enemy something to destroy. You pulled back quickly switching from slowing him to attacking him throwing a wave of fire? Energy? You didn't know what it was but it destroyed things and right now it was your only chance at survival. You didn't hesitate. You couldn't! It was wrong, felt wrong but you attacked him just in time his lethal eyes released their heat you felt it as it hit yours causing an almost sunburn like feeling across your uncovered skin. You heard Diana screaming out at him the moment he unleashed his red gaze at you but it didn't gather his attention.The impact threw you both back, he was up quicker then you. He got up and regarded you for a second trying to figure you out then rushed at you once again, you caught him again slowing him. He looked around and fought batting at your hold of him, trying to find that weak spot again. You moved deciding to read him, it was risky and if it didn't work you were dead but...But if it did? he would be back...properly. steeling your nerves you twisted ducking dodging his fist sidestepping him spinning and throwing up a hand just catching him with your fingers hovering them at his temple and pressed one smoky glowing tendril into his mind you followed him forward maintaining contact watching as his eyes shone a bright color somewhere between purple and blue.

That was all it took to completely stop him, he was under....Sort of he was fighting you inside he felt lost and frightened, you ventured deeper projecting your self to him trying to show him you wasn't going to harm him.

"I-it's okay...I'm not gonna hurt you I just wanna help....Just helping okay...Please please don't hit me" The others held their breath not quite sure what you'd done to stop the raging kryptonian. Whatever it was working as he stood stock still his arms dropping by his sides looking off into space. Once you felt him relax you spoke to him again

"I'm going to help..Just try to stay calm okay?" he didn't really reply just let out a breath his shoulders slumping head dropping to the side pressing your fingertips to the flushed skin on his temple. You smiled letting out a shaky breath and began weaving through his mind giving gentle tugs here and there pushing the images,his memories together into something he could hopefully understand. You felt his mind loose the frantic undertone as you moved them into place and let out a breath moving your other hand to his other temple. he grunted softly moving his eyes trying to peer at you they were softer then before.

"Err what is she doing?" Diana smiled at Bruce who had just showed up with a car pulling up behind him, a woman got out and ran towards them all .

"C-clark?" Diana had to grab the woman from running to him.

"No...Not yet, he is confused he is...attacking everyone he see" the woman looked on tearfully watching the teen with glowing hands do something to him she glanced at Diana worried

"Y/n She's....helping him she said his memories were confusing him, they were jumbled...He couldn't remember who he was...What he was it wad causing him pain trying to make sense...I'd bet shes helping him remember slowly...So it doesn't hurt him" as Diana said this the woman gulped looking frightened. Diana cast a smirk over to Bruce 'I told you so'.

"So she can manipulate minds?" Diana nodded

"I told you she is powerful she has an arsenal of abilities at her disposal....And as she gets older she will get stronger...She could get more abilities to but for now she is stable." Everyone seemed to take a deep breath as they watched closely. You slowly began to retreat from the kryptonians mind, he felt better calm and collected. You pulled your hands away completely but held them in front of you still, ready to attack if need be. He blinked once twice then a third and final time and looked at you clearly moving a had to his head rubbing at his temple.

"A-are you alright now? Please tell me your alright I don't want to fight you again..." he offered a small smile to you nodding slightly.

"I'm...Better thank you" you nodded and stepped back still wary of him. Your body trembled as adrenaline rushed through you still. Going up against him was terrifying and you never wanted a rematch You flinched when he suddenly turned as a red haired woman ran up behind him he grabbed her tight in a hug seconds later the pair were flying off...He wont be helping then? Shit. You watched as they disappeared only looking down as Diana had run up to you holding your arms twisting you this way and that checking you over."Are you okay? Your not hurt are you? He didn't hit you or-or" you shook your head as she fretted over you. You flushed as the others watched as Diana moved smoothing back your hair to look you in the eye, then ran her gaze across you again in frantic zig zags.

"No I'm fine...Didn't get hit, he will be back to normal soon...I put it back together again..." she grinned at you and hugged you to herself tight.

"I'm so very proud of you...You pulled through even though you were frightened and you did it! You were very brave" you looked at the floor kicking the ground.

"Y-your proud? No ones ever been proud of me before" She smiled pulling back from you.

"Of course I am! You were scared but had a job to do, you stopped him like I knew you could and you helped him come to his senses!"

"But he left! That wasn't the plan"

"It doesn't matter...You did it...You and I hope its proved to yourself that you are in control of this, that you can help" you nodded then snapped your head over to the ship, there was a portal opening up on the other side you saw steppenwolf in it holding the box. The Motherbox was gone...He had all three.

Since the whole incident with superman the groups seemed more tolerant of you. You'd proved your usefulness to an extent so they were more receptive to you still tho they was finding it hard to see past you shyness and the fact your were a thirteen year old. But things were slightly better in the team.there was low morale they were irritated.

"Sooo? Y/N what was that back there? it think its time you told us just what you can do." the others nodded at Bruce’s statement. you took a breath and nodded to him swallowing looking him in the eye

"I-I can do lots...telekinesis moving stuff... The beamy fire thingy...That’s err w-well I’m not sure Diana calls it energy manipulation...I can sometimes make force fields and barriers....Teleportation then I can read people...Like look in there heads ...its what I did to him mindreading sort of and recently I’ve noticed I can twist thoughts...That’s what I did to him to but I swear I was just helping his thoughts were all over the place, he really really wanted to kill us..." Arthur wriggled his fingers in the air

"So that glowey eye thing you did to him makes him what? exactly." you swallowed

"I-I was..well... its hard to explain, he was angry, confused and in pain so i looked through...I put them in order;his thoughts...Just gentle tugs so he would calm down....The only other thing I have realized recently" you glanced warily across the room everyone was watching intently Diana was nodding to you she knew as you got older you’d gain more abilities.

"What is it?”

"Peoples perceptions I can change it as I see fit...Make them believe things...Make them see things.... Hallucinations and stuff... Make them experience their darkest fears of wildest dreams." there was a breath of silence Viktor smiled at you

"And it worked...Thank you I..We could all see how hard it was for you but you really pulled through" you smiled wide at them

"Really? Your not..not mad he left I mean I know that could have stopped him and dragged him back but I didn't wanna hurt the lady..." Bruce spoke up next shaking his head.

"Honestly if it wasn't for you doing what you did...We would all be dead...I'm not sure even Lois would have been enough to stop him. And you made the right call not pulling him back..Yo-you did good kid you did real good...But no pokeing around our minds you here me?" You giggled relaxing for the first time around them nodding

"I-I wouldn't do that anyway...I don't make a habit of it sometimes what you see can...Hurt" your voice trailed off and the room fell into a deafening silence everyone knew there was a story behind it but didn't press further. Barry noticing the tension spoke up.

"Soo is this a bad time to bring up my blood sugar?" Bruce sighed waving him off just before Barry left he asked you to join him. He had been much more approachable since saving him in the battle. You smiled gratefully as you knew he was giving you and escape from the 'adult talk' and followed him out of the bat cave.

This was it, you'd found him the ride over here had been...Tense and embarrassing for some...Namely Arthur who had inadvertently had a heart to heart with everyone after he'd sat his ass on Diana's lasso of truth. Yet during his funny rambling he had admitted that the thought you was 'kick ass' and that he'd been to quick to judge you, which had made you beam at him. But now as you stood with the others overlooking the chaos being unleashed upon the people you shivered, those fear demons were swarming the place and they will pose a problem for you.You were scared. Scared of the fight, scared of loosing a member of the team. And most of all scared of failure.

You watched as large mineral like pylons arched in and out of the ground causing craters into the ground, they all moved faster spreading out from the center of all the chaos. You looked towards the others as they to peered down at the town. Bruce had dropped you off and was making his way towards it. There was a massive dome covering the town that was protecting it from any outside interference. You watched as a huge swarm of those..Fear demons swirled around inside that is what you were worried about. This was the first proper full scale battle you were going to be in and you were scared so they were going to go to town on you. You held your breath when Bruce got closer and closer.

"Sh-should he be doing that alone?" You asked to no one in particular they all watched humming then turned to Diana.

"....No not alone lets go" you nodded watching as Bruce broke through the dome hitting it full speed creating an opening then slowly the dome shattered falling to the earth in huge chunks causing the ground to tremble below your feet as you all made your way down to the town. You watched intently as Bruce continued his kamikaze mission luring the fear demons his way with a loud irritating sound blasting from the batmobile. Somehow you managed to keep pace with them only just reaching the town before the fight began.

In the panic you got separated from the others but you knew what you needed to do. You moved fast doing small teleporting 'jumps' here and there using the energy around you to attack the stragglers that Were to slow to catch up to Bruce. You moved with ease as you burned and disintegrated the fear demons one by one then as you go more confident you stretched out hitting more and more with each attack slowly getting the hang of it. You stopped on top of a low building trying to work out your and the others positions. They were all scattered but Bruce was coming towards you fast but he was smothered! The demons were attacking the batmobile in one quick move you made the leap as he tore down the road like a bat out of hell. By some miracle you landed on it as you did Bruce. Began bitching at you

"What the?.....Kid what the hell are you doing? Get down from there!" Rolling your eyes you pushed on all sides creating a deadly barrier around him instantly killing anything within a nine foot radius.

"JUST KEEP GOING!" You could feel his exasperation threw the metal of the vehicle, but he continued moving using your barrier to take out more and more of them hitting right threw the main swarm leaving dust in your wake as you tore through them.

"Okay kid good job....Now off I'm about to make a quick exit" you smiled happy that he had finally acknowledged you...Praised you. You moved to the side and off quickly pulling the energy that was clogging up the air around you, using it to make a safe landing as you saw the Batmobile jump and Bruce pop out of it kicking ass.

You looked towards the huge nuclear chimney in the distance. That was your target, you began running making your way towards it, by now all your fear had died out. You'd found a new confidence, you could do this. You could help them save people. Save the world, and it was a good feeling. You moved your hands in a huge circular motion then pushed forward defeating large amounts of fear demons with larger blasts as you move further towards the epicenter where the boxes were clearly being held. Around half way Diana and Arthur caught up with you.

"Kid! Ease up!" You blinked confused as Arthur pulled your arm down.

"What? But I?" Diana cut you off.

"Y/n Steppenwolf cant know, we cant let him know what you are he will kill you...Its clear he learned his lesson from last time, he isn't fooling around one of your kind brought him down last time nearly killed him and he thinks that your all gone..." Arthur patted your shoulder

"Your our ace in the hole pipsqueak! We need you to tone it down so he don't get any ideas, you need to be up by Viktor when the boxes can be separated you have to be there and help pull them apart." You looked from one to the other.

"Clark is a no show and we still don't know how deep Viktor’s going to go...your the next one who can do it...I know I'm asking a lot but could you-" you interrupted her with a smile.

"You can count on me... I'll do it!" She smiled pulling you to her giving you a hug you missed the severe look the two shared over you.

It wasn't long before the team found itself facing of Steppenwolf himself. You and Barry got into position being put on what Barr called 'bug duty' you each moved around one another disposing of the bugs around Viktor as he worked. You flinched as the platform shook with a hit from the fight below. You whimpered frightfully feeling just how heavy the hits were.

"Y/n your okay...your okay alright! Just stay with me! " you looked to Viktor even when trying his hardest to work he was trying to calm you down. You ignored what ever doubts were in your head and pulled yourself together.

"I-I'm alright just ...Don’t worry about me I'm fine!" attacking the few bugs that your momentary fear had called over, dealing with them quickly.

That was when it happened, you saw it Diana leapt down over Arthur protecting him from falling debris. For a split second your heart stopped as you couldn't help panicking. No one should survive a direct hit like that, forgetting that they wasn't ordinary humans you feared the worst and screamed out to them. As you thought you'd just lost the closest thing to a mother you'd ever known. The thought made you loose control the blast you sent out came in two shock waves, the first quick and violent making the earth tremble and the second a rolling wave of raging fire like destruction , you didn't know how far it went but it felt much bigger than anything you'd achieved before and brought you to your knees leaving you weak.

The you gasped when you looked up seeing Diana throw the debris away and you smiled nearly sobbing as you shook on the floor. The relief was short lived as Steppenwolf's eyes locked on you, within seconds you were held by your throat he hoisted you up to his face.

"Chaos? I thought you were all dead...pity" you struggled against him, weak and unable to anything more then scratch at his hand that covered front the base of your neck all the way to your face covering your mouth and nose. He moved kicking Viktor with all his might sending him flying then he moved arm stretched out over the platform. You panicked you needed some time to get your energy back, you were exhausted drained and the fact you could use your powers was making you panic even more. You bit his hand but to no avail he was slowly suffocating you, you tried kicking at him but it didn't work.

Suddenly you could breath! As you began falling you saw Arthur’s tridents protruding from the arm that held you. You dint have time to scream as you fell feeling a strong cable loop around your ankle. Bruce had caught you and heaved you up to the platform where Viktor was. You panted trying to ease your lungs

"You alright?" You calmed yourself down nodding to him then scrabbled to the motherboxes you needed  energy and there was a perfect source right in front of you one quick swipe across it and you had taken some fro yourself, like charging up a battery.It was lucky you did as steppenwolf was coming up behind you fast you moved just in time rolling away and threw a blast at him but it didn't do much damage you were still very weak. You moved changing tactics pulling the objects around you trying to impale him or something. You landed a few hits on him as you ran around frantically dodging him. Diana got between you jumping and attacking him getting him off your back for a few seconds.

It was then you heard it, the sonic boom that was the tell tale arrival of Superman you looked up trying to spot him. But in looking up you failed to notice steppenwolf stalking towards you he had beaten away Diana and was coming for you again he raised his weapon and struck the platform making it smash and you screamed as you began falling still to weak you use your teleportation. Your descent was cut short as you were caught all you saw was a flutter of red, you looked up seeing Clark holding you gently.

"Please pay more attention...people like him wont play fair now where do you need to be?" you nodded to Viktor as he hovered for a few seconds

"Right" he nodded then flew higher you squeaked as he moved fast twisting around steppenwolf as he lunged for you both with ease and placed you next to victor.

"Stay on your guard... I mean it" he pointed a finger at you as he spoke, you gasped as you saw a huge fist flying toward him but he knew quickly dodging it then punching steppenwolf in the face sending him into the chimney , he followed him beating the crap out of him. You moved to Viktor  and placed a hand over the boxes letting some of their energy flow into you, you noticed Viktor’s quick questioning gaze.

"Its energy....And I'm low so just...Charging?" He gave a subtle nod and continued.

"Good you’ll need it" You felt your power flooding back slowly you stayed still taking as much as you could. Only stopping when you felt a shift behind you. You turned seeing Arthur Bruce and Diana battling steppenwolf but try as they might he was gaining on you and Viktor the battle naturally veered towards you. You wasn't sure what happened but something must have as Barry and Clark were no where to be seen.

Taking one last surge of energy from the boxes you pivoted throwing it to steppenwolf blasting him back down to the floor below giving Arthur the perfect opening to strike from above the others following now keeping him occupied down there. You sighed they could hold him off for a while longer.

"Is he still bothering you?" You watched as Clark dive bombed him into the floor leaving a huge crater, as the huge alien tried to sit up Clark hit him again keeping him down.

"QUICKLY THERE READY!" You held your breath as Viktor shouted this. It was time. He called Clark over and explained what had to be done.

"And fall out from these?" You and Viktor shared a look and he nodded to the kryptonian.

"Err yeah big boom." You added he nodded as you all got ready, you couldn't worry about the others now you had a job to do.

On Viktor’s signal and three of you pulled. You quickly realized this was going to hurt, you held your breath pouring everything you had into prying the boxes apart. Your body shook as your muscles ached and pulled trying to cramp as you pressed on. You screamed out i agony when you began moving them away, it was working but at what cost? You could feel your power waning fast quickly being drained. Tears streamed down your face as you tried pushing harder taking it up a gear. Your palms stung and it was getting harder to breath, the high raw power off these things made the air thick and hot it was burning your throat and lungs. Finally with one more heave they seemed to snap away from each other. The blast was something else it didn't hit you more like went through you. Hitting your insides just as hard as your skin.

You were thrown off the platform and hit the ground hard. Your back took most of the fall you wheezed trying to catch some breath. You could hear the other two laughing and joking...You didn't understand how tho didn't they just feel that? You tried moving only to cry out slightly it would have been louder but you couldn't move not even your jaw. Diana heard you tho and ran kneeling next to you.

"Y/N! Oh my god! Are you alright?" You looked at her panicked you wanted to tell her you couldn't move, but you could only lay there moving your eyes. You winced as something built up inside of you, moving...Bubbling almost you could feel it in your nerves biting at them with a sharp sting. It was quickly moving to the surface what ever this was it wanted out now! Your skin prickled hair standing on end.

"Can you? GUYS SHE-SHE CAN'T.. I DON'T THINK SHE CAN MOVE HELP! DO SOMETHING!" You watched as Diana's face went from worried to panicked making you worry more, you heard the others moving over to you but you managed a slight shake of your head. No get back! You screamed in your head for them to back away but it was to late Diana had leaned over you and moved a hand to touch you instantly she was blasted back from the contact, you felt heard her land hard a few meters away. Releasing the small blast had revealed some pressure and  was now letting the energy escape from you. In a few seconds you was able to move albeit you were stiff and slow in getting up. Your body was jerking and shuddering twitching as the your powers swirled around uncontrollably below the surface.

"Y/N what the? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" You flinched and turned to an irate Arthur who was helping up Diana the woman placed a hand on his arm stopping him from shouting at you. Viktor to held up a hand trying to calm him.

"She couldn't help it.... The blast hit us...She absorbed it, she was using the energy earlier charging herself fro. It...she's must have absorbed to much and its trying to escape" you looked to Viktor in thanks standing slowly you could feel it the raw power ghosting the skin of your palms the bright blues and purples coiling off of you into tendrils of smoke.

You caught from the corner of your eye steppenwolf rising enraged he moved aiming his weapon for Barry. One blast was all it took for you knock the others away , steppenwolf  took most of the blast but you hit your target shattering his weapon the ricochet sending him into the thick concrete behind him. You looked to the others although they were scattered on the floor they were fine. You called all of the excess power fro. the boxes, it needed to be used and you had just the target, you felt it rise as you molded your own around it to keep control. The others watched at

"Wh-what no! NO THIS CANNOT BE!" He charged at you but you stood your ground the others watched as you became engulfed in a swirling mass of dangerous power. This is what Chaos truly looked like steppenwolf looked frightened and he had a right to be, none of them wanted to be in his shoes at that moment. You thrust both hands out hitting him directly he screamed still trying to rush forward but you pushed harder. It wasn't long before everything stopped. You let the last of the borrowed power rush forward from your palms and sighed.

Finally you was back to normal...Exhausted but normal, you dropped your hands slowly as everything retreated there was just a scorch mark where steppenwolf had stood. He was dead, you panted and wobbled a little unsteady on your feet that had really taken its toll on you. Diana ran up to you hugging you tightly supporting you as you dropped, you were dead on your feet.

"You-you killed him? How? not even we could all those years ago."you smiled then coughed a little

"Those boxes are...something else" you said chuckling you groaned as she held you tighter

"I'm so proud of you! You did so well I cant believe you did that, but don't you ever frighten me like that again you here?!" You nodded slowly to her as she pulled back holding you at an arms length you could see tears in her eyes.

"I thought I'd lost you! That I'd dragged you to your death!" You chuckled at her weakly

"Makes us even then?"

"Don’t you get cheeky with me!" She gave you a stern look then quickly smothered you with a bone crushing hug again just glad you were safe. None of the others knew where you had come from, or how you met Diana but what they did know that she had a bond with you that was not to be trifled with as they watched her dote on you who was very flushed and trying to pry her off of you.

"Dianaa stoopp! Their staring!" They chuckled at your whining and Diana's blatant ignorance to your embarrassment it was clear she was taking on the mother hen role as she licked her thumb and began wiping at a mark on your cheek making you wriggle and whine louder. The team looked to one another nodding making a silent vow to help protect and look after you. God help anyone who upsets this kid.