#but that friend and i don’t talk anymore (no falling out we just grew apart) and. idk

[mars-ipan]

thinking abt natphi

[cursedlovesstuff]

Fixing Us. Part 4.

In the car, Nat’s mind raced with doubts and fears as she navigated through the city traffic.

Wanda sat beside her, scrolling through her phone, looking for recipes, but it was hard to ignore the storm of thoughts swirling inside Nat’s head.

“Stop overthinking, Nat,” Wanda said suddenly, breaking the silence.

Nat glanced over, startled. “What are you talking about?”

“Your thoughts are loud,” Wanda replied, not looking up from her phone. “You’re overthinking everything that could go wrong.”

“Because a lot could go wrong, Wanda. This is Y/N we’re talking about,” Nat said, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“I know, which is why you shouldn’t overthink. It’s not helping,” Wanda replied gently.

“I can’t stop overthinking. What if she’s falling out of love with me? What if there’s someone else? What if she doesn’t trust me anymore?” Nat’s voice grew more anxious with each question.

“If she was falling out of love, she wouldn’t give you a chance to fix things. You’re Y/N’s blind spot; she still loves you and she’s still in love with you. If she wasn’t, she would have left by now,” Wanda said firmly.

“Maybe you’ll realize that when you stop pushing her away.”

“I don’t push Y/N away,” Nat retorted defensively.

“You push everyone away, Nat,” Wanda countered, finally putting her phone down. “When you get stressed out and when work gets tough, you shut down emotionally. You try to pretend everything is fine when you’re struggling. You lose focus and forget important things, and Y/N puts up with it.”

Nat remained silent, her knuckles white as she gripped the steering wheel.

Wanda continued, “She tries to get you to sleep, to eat, to train. She tries to keep you on schedule so you don’t fall apart. After so many years, I couldn’t tell you why she still tries to keep you from spiraling.”

Nat sighed deeply, feeling a pang of guilt. “I know I’ve been difficult. I know I’ve taken her for granted.”

“You need to show her that you appreciate her, that you’re willing to put in the effort to make things right,” Wanda said softly. “The reason why I’m helping you is not just for the sake of your relationship, but for the sake of Y/N. She deserves happiness just as much as any of us she has also had a rough life, especially after everything she has done for you.”

“Everything she has done for me?” Nat repeated, sensing there was more to that statement than Wanda was letting on.

Wanda’s eyes flickered with something unspoken, but she didn’t elaborate. “Look, we’re here,” she said instead, nodding towards the parking lot of the shopping center.

Nat pulled into a parking space, turned off the engine, and sat there for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “Thank you, Wanda,” she said quietly. “I don’t know what I’d do without your support.”

Wanda smiled warmly. “That’s what friends are for. Now, let’s get this dinner sorted out. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

They walked into the grocery store, grabbing a cart. Nat glanced at the shopping list Wanda had compiled. “So, shrimp alfredo and garlic toast?”

“Yep, and we’ll need fresh ingredients to make it special. Let’s start with the seafood section,” Wanda suggested.

As they moved through the aisles, Wanda continued to offer advice. “Remember, it’s not just about the dinner. It’s about showing Y/N that you’re willing to put in the effort, that you’re thinking about her and what she likes.”

“I know,” Nat said, picking out a bag of fresh shrimp. “I just hope it’s not too late.”

“It’s never too late if you’re willing to make a change,” Wanda reassured her, placing a loaf of fresh bread in the cart.

As they moved to the produce section, Wanda picked up a bag of flour. Nat furrowed her brow in confusion. “Why do we need flour? Aren’t we just buying pasta?”

Wanda shook her head with a smile. “We’re making the pasta from scratch. It tastes better, and only the best for Y/N.”

Nat was impressed but also slightly overwhelmed. “Are you sure I can pull this off?”

“With my help, absolutely,” Wanda said confidently. “Let’s grab some fresh garlic and parsley too.”

They continued shopping, selecting the best ingredients. As Wanda picked up fresh tomatoes and heavy cream, Nat asked, “What are those for?”

“Homemade alfredo sauce. Trust me, it’s worth the effort,” Wanda explained, placing the items in the cart.

They made their way through the store, filling the cart with fresh basil, Parmesan cheese, and a bottle of white wine for the sauce. Nat’s mind was slightly more at ease as they checked off items from the list.

Once they had everything for the dinner, Nat wandered off to another section of the store, intent on picking up some of Y/N’s favorite things. She grabbed Oreos, her favorite chips, and some wine she knew Y/N loved among with other things.

As they checked out, Wanda looked at Nat curiously. “You really went all out with the extras.”

Nat smiled slightly. “I want to show her I’m thinking about her, not just with dinner, but in all the little things she loves.”

Wanda nodded approvingly. “That’s the right approach.”

After checking out, Wanda and Nat headed to the car to put up the groceries. Once they got into the car, Wanda gave her a reassuring smile. “Ready?”

Nat nodded, a mix of nerves and determination in her eyes. “Ready.”

As they drove back to Nat’s apartment, the weight of the evening ahead felt heavy but hopeful. Nat was prepared to do whatever it took to make things right, one step at a time.

Back at the apartment, Nat and Wanda unpacked the groceries. Nat carefully placed the fresh ingredients on the counter, feeling a mix of anticipation and anxiety. Wanda began to organize everything, setting out the flour, eggs, and olive oil for the pasta dough.

“Okay, first thing’s first,” Wanda said, tying an apron around her waist. “We’re going to make the pasta dough. It’s a bit messy, but it’s worth it.”

Nat nodded, following Wanda’s lead.

“Alright, Nat. Here’s how we make the pasta dough. First, make a hole in the center of the flour,” Wanda instructed, demonstrating with a mound of flour on the counter. “Then, we crack the eggs into it.”

Nat watched closely and imitated Wanda’s actions, cracking eggs into the flour. “Like this?”

“Perfect,” Wanda said with a nod. “Now, you gently beat the eggs with a fork, slowly incorporating the flour from the edges.”

Nat concentrated, her tongue peeking out slightly as she carefully mixed the eggs and flour. “This is harder than it looks.”

Wanda chuckled. “It takes practice, but you’re doing great. Keep going until it forms a dough.”

As the mixture began to come together, Nat used her hands to knead it into a smooth ball. Wanda added a bit of olive oil, showing Nat how to work it into the dough. “Now we knead. Press it with the heel of your hand, fold it over, and repeat.”

Nat followed Wanda’s movements, finding a rhythm in the repetitive motions. “How long do we knead it?”

“About ten minutes, until it’s smooth and elastic,” Wanda replied. “You’re doing really well, Nat.”

After the dough was ready, they wrapped it in plastic wrap and set it aside to rest. Next, Wanda guided Nat through preparing the shrimp. “First, we need to devein and clean these,” Wanda explained, showing Nat how to remove the shells and veins from the shrimp.

Nat mimicked her, quickly getting the hang of it. “This isn’t so bad.”

“See? You’ve got this,” Wanda encouraged. “Now, let’s season them with some salt, pepper.”

With the shrimp prepped, they moved on to the sauce. Wanda handed Nat a small knife and a clove of garlic.

Nat carefully chopped the garlic, as wanda prepared the pan with olive oil, waiting for Nat to finish. “Great job, Nat.”

After wanda put the garlic into the pan it wasn't long before the aroma of garlic filled the kitchen as it cooked.

Wanda added heavy cream and white wine to the pan, stirring gently. “We’re making the sauce now. Let it simmer and thicken.”

While the sauce simmered, Wanda brought out the pasta dough. “Time to roll out the pasta,” she said, grabbing a rolling pin. “Dust the counter with flour and roll the dough out thinly.”

Nat rolled out the dough, amazed at how it transformed. “This is actually fun.”

Wanda laughed. “Cooking can be therapeutic. Now, we’ll cut the dough into thin strips for the fettuccine.”

They used a sharp knife to cut the pasta into even strips, laying them out to dry slightly. Wanda checked the sauce, adding grated Parmesan cheese and fresh basil. “The sauce is almost ready. Just needs a bit more time.”

Once everything was prepped, Wanda and Nat cooked the pasta in boiling water, watching as it floated to the top. They drained it and added it to the creamy Alfredo sauce, tossing in the cooked shrimp.

After they put everything together in the pot, Wanda’s phone rang, pulling her attention away from their cooking. She glanced at the screen and her face grew serious. “Clint? What’s up?”

Natasha watched Wanda’s expression intently. After a brief conversation, Wanda nodded and ended the call. “Alright, I’ll be there soon.”

Wanda said washing her hands she turns her attention to nat "I have to go someone is trying to rob a bank across town"

"Do you need my help?"

"I think I can handel it but what I do need you to do is fix things with y/n".

“What am I gonna do without your help?” Nat asked, her worry evident.

“Relax, Nat,” Wanda said, giving her a reassuring smile. “Just let the food cook on low for the next 20 minutes.” She hurried to pull on her jacket. “Uh, I’ll send you the recipe for the garlic bread. It’s simple. Call Y/N and see what time she’ll be home.”

Natasha nodded, trying to absorb Wanda’s calmness. “Okay. I’ll handle it.”

Wanda squeezed Nat’s shoulder reassuringly before rushing out. Alone in the kitchen, Nat took a deep breath and began preheating the oven. She gave herself a pep talk, muttering, “You’ve got this. Finish dinner, make her happy, apologize, and talk. Be honest and open. Don’t push her away.” She grabbed her phone and dialed Y/N’s number.

The phone rang for about a minute until Y/N picked up. “Hello?”

“Hey, are you at work right now?” Nat asked, her heart pounding.

There was silence for about ten seconds before Y/N responded. “I’m just getting off and heading to the store. We ran out of eggs and flour, and I need to get something to cook for dinner.”

Nat smiled slightly. “I already went to the store and bought groceries for the week.”

“You did?” Y/N sounded surprised.

“Yes. When will you be home?”

“I guess I can be home in less than 15 minutes.”

“Great. I’ll see you in 15 minutes,” Nat says.

“Oh...okay,” Y/N replied, still sounding puzzled.

After hanging up, Nat started setting up the bed neatly, placing Y/N’s basket of treats and goodies with care. She then returned downstairs, set the oven to preheat, and nervously began preparing the ingredients for the garlic bread.

She heard the door open and close, followed by Y/N’s worried voice. “Nat?” ~

[klausysworld]

Hello gorgeous!

Sooo I had this idea of Klaus and reader being married (she wants a divorce) but currently separated. She starts seeing Damon. Klaus lets her have her way for a bit as nothing has crossed the line, but then he finds out reader slept with Damon and Klaus goes absolutely feral over it and tells his wife that’s enough of this and drags back reader home and slides her wedding ring back on her finger.

Not His, Not Yours.

Klaus and I had slowly but surely grown apart.

We had married for decades for now, just over a century actually and to begin with it was all but a dream.

He had hundreds of thousands of gifts and words to express his love. Paintings and poems to show how pure his feelings were.

He was gentle when I needed and only ever rough when I wanted when him to be.

There wasn’t a question of doubt between us both. I loved him with all of my heart and he loved me with all of his soul. So much so that he actually proposed to me. Elijah and Rebekah couldn’t believe it but were unbelievably supportive. I even turned into a vampire so that I could be with him forever.

And for a nearly eighty years, everything was okay.

Of course the gifts were less frequent but I didn’t care about that so much. Not if I still had him. Even if he forgot to tell me he loved me, I didn’t need him to, deep down I knew that he did.

One thing I didn’t like, was when he would get flirty with other women. Especially because of how he behaved when I, heaven forbid, smiled at a man.

But still, with reassurance from his siblings and Elijah’s promise to talk to Klaus about it, I dropped it and didn’t speak of it. So he flirted, it didn’t mean anything. What’s a kiss when I have his heart?

Surprisingly Klaus never slept with anyone else. I suppose it’s unfair to say surprisingly but to be honest I had feared and expected him to have from time to time.

Especially when he became more distant. When he would disappear or return in the early hours of the morning. I would beg to know where he was and after a series of repeated yelling, he would grab me and show me his memories of the night before. Often he just got drunk and would pass out somewhere random or wonder around for inspiration, sometimes he’d attack a village and slaughter hundreds in mere hours. When finished showing me, he would give me that same look and tell me that I shouldn’t look so surprised. He may love me, but he wouldn’t ever be better for me.

And I would just nod and told him I already knew that.

And I’d wait for the next time that would happen.

We went days between sex, then weeks, gradually months and eventually we just didn’t. We slept beside each other mostly out of habit but we wouldn’t touch.

I never stopped loving him, I don’t think I ever could but I wasn’t sure if I loved him the same way anymore. And I certainly didn’t think he loved me that way. But we weren’t exactly friends either. It were as though we were just strangers at this point, strangers who held each others hearts.

And I had accepted that perhaps that’s all we would be. We lived that way for a couple of years, I’d stay with him like a shadow but that’s all I would be.

Until Mystic Falls.

So much happened in not enough time. Klaus became his true self and for some reason part of me thought perhaps that would rekindle something but he showed no more nor less interest so I just went on.

Until one day, his eyes held a spark. But it wasn’t for me. It was for Caroline Forbes.

She was blonde, young and new to vampirism but still bold and confident in herself. I was like that once, before I grew quiet and obedient to Klaus’s will.

So I took another step back and let him chase her a little. I sort of wanted him to sleep with her so that maybe he would just divorce me and I would know that what we had was really over.

But he didn’t. He gave her a present, drawings and spoke poetry to her without her realising but he didn’t kiss her or even lean in.

He still would come back to bed and lay beside me like usual.

I didn’t want him to think I would hate him if he fell for someone else. I’d rather he be happy with another than miserable with me. I knew he craved more, so did I.

And so with a lot of courage, I asked for a divorce but he refused me. That I didn’t understand.

“Why?” I asked, my brows pulling together as he scowled

“Because you’re my wife” he answered as though that meant anything anymore “I have loved you for a century. I will not just be done with you”

“Loved, Klaus. Loved. It’s in the past.” I argued

“I love you now as much as I did then” he told me, his voice raising

“No Klaus…you don’t” I whispered, my eyes glancing to the floor as I let out a small sigh. This was probably one of the reasons he liked Caroline more. I showed weakness and submission too easily to him. The difference was that I knew he wouldn’t kill me if I fought back but I feared it would be worse.

“We’re not getting a divorce. Ever.” He stated calmly, though I could feel his anger.

“I can’t do this Klaus” I mumbled. “I can’t just be known and your wife and hide in the house all the time”

“Then go out” he grumbled

“You don’t let me” I answered, remembering the last time I went out without telling him and he yelled at me for being inconsiderate and stupid. Apparently it wasn’t safe for me without his protection due to being so intimately associated with him.

“Well…now you can” he replied matter of factly.

“You should ask Caroline out” I whispered “She likes you too, Rebekah heard her talking to Bonnie about you”

“I wouldn’t-“

“But maybe you should” I sighed, hesitantly looking him in the eye once again. “You should at least try…you might like to be with someone…” I paused and swallowed dryly “someone else”

“Are you seeing…someone else?” He asked quietly, his eyes flicking between mine.

“No…not yet” I whispered and he nodded

“But?”

“But I think I should” I murmured before falling back into silence.

We stood there for a while, uncomfortable and guilt ridden before his phone went and he reluctantly left.

He didn’t come to bed that night.

To me that seemed like his way of confirming that we wouldn’t be together anymore, or for a while at least.

When I saw he had made up a bed in one of the guest rooms, it was clear that was the case.

So I started to go out a little.

When I saw Klaus with Caroline at the grill, I realised I needed to leave. Leave town, his life so that I didn’t ruin his chances.

But as fate would have it, when I rushed out of the building, I walked straight into Damon Salvatore. He recognised me in an instant and was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

“What’s Klaus’s wife doing out and about?” He snickered and I sighed

“I’m not” I mumbled and he raised a brow

“Not what? Not his wife or not out?”

“I’m going home” I whispered, walking outside but he followed.

“Oh come on, I didn’t mean to scare you off so quick” he chuckled and I rolled my eyes

“Please. You couldn’t scare me” I muttered “have you seen who I’m supposed to be married to?”

“Supposed to be eh? Things not turning out?” He pressed, walking backwards beside me as I made my way back to the mansion.

“My marriage falling apart won’t benefit your precious Elena. It’s been broken for years.” I grumbled, and he rolled his eyes

“Forgive me for being curious” he muttered, his annoyance shining making my heart sink. I didn’t like it when people were rude and now I was the one doing it.

“Sorry” I whispered “I didn’t mean to sound so snappy”

I could feel his eyes on me as we neared the manner and before I could get it the door, his hand reached for mine which however pathetic it may seem, made my smile. Nobody had touched my skin for months.

“You should come out more, I’d like to talk with you some more” he told me and I faltered

“I wouldn’t tell you anything- not about him”

“I didn’t think you would” he answered, before leaving.

After that I went out a little more.

Damon would tease me and make me laugh. He would draw out the little confidence I had left and have me use it. I’d taunt back at him and go so far as to flirt once I’d had a few drinks.

After a while he asked to take me out. I thought he was joking.

“Oh will Elena be joining us? Perhaps Stefan to?” I laughed but he didn’t even smile

“I’m serious” he stated, his hand squeezing mine “just us…anywhere you want”

I stared at him “I um…I don’t know” I whispered, nervous and confused.

“I can wait” he answered as he caressed my arm softly.

When I got home Klaus was already there, his eyes on me in an instant. Without a word he placed his wedding band on the table before him and walked out the room. I felt a lump form in my throat as I shakily slid both my wedding and engagement rings off and put them beside his.

I went upstairs and cried. And I felt stupid for it because I was the one who asked for this.

So after a moment I pulled myself together and grabbed my phone. I took a breath before sending Damon a message

I like the Italian the next town over?

He replied quickly

Friday, 7?

I’ll meet you there

I’ll see you soon

I swallowed thickly and closed my messages before searching for apartments near me to rent.

If Klaus and I were actually ending this then I wanted to do it right. That meant I needed to live without him fully, so I sent in some applications to a couple of places.

Before any of them could come back, my date with Damon came around.

It went surprisingly well. We ate, spoke, joked and laughed. He paid, insistent that I shouldn’t. He then drove me back to the mansion and kissed me goodbye.

I refused to look anywhere near Klaus when I went up the stairs. He never said anything either, we spoke only if we absolutely had to and on the occasion that Damon and I would see Klaus out, we would instead go to his house for a while.

I spent a lot of time with Damon, he made me feel more alive. He brought back the spark in me that I thought I had lost and built my confidence back up. He made me feel more things in a couple months than Klaus had in the past fifteen years.

I knew it was wrong to compare them, but when all I had ever known was Klaus…he was all I had to know how a relationship worked to be able to tell if what I had with Damon was really something.

It progressed quickly, it scared me somewhat. I worried that it was a trap to make me help him with everyone else. However when I heard him defending me to both Elena and Stefan, I double guessed myself.

Slowly I felt myself begin to trust Damon, I felt as though I was learning to love and desire once more.

It was because of that feeling that I didn’t stop him when he began to take my clothes off. Or when he trailed his lips down my skin and pressed his mouth between my legs. I cried out for him when his fingers curled inside me and I clung to him when he finally took me as his own.

I stayed beside him for the rest of the night, pressed to his chest with his arms around me. It was a warmth that I wasn’t used to anymore but that I needed and yearned for. I stayed at his house for days after, wearing his clothes and living in his arms. But unfortunately I knew that I couldn’t just move in there so soon, so I had to go back to the mansion.

————————————————————————

(3rd person)

Klaus found out that Y/n had slept with Damon the day after it happened. Stefan had told him so when in the heat of an argument.

To begin with he thought the Salvatore was just trying to piss him off but when Stefan’s face dropped and his heart sped up, Klaus realised it was true.

Immediately he went home and smashed every item in her room. Shredded her clothes and tore up every flower Damon had gifted her and the little photos she had printed of them. It was after he broke apart her bed and found the box of forgotten memories did he calm down. He found all the poems and pieces of artwork he had ever given her, love letters and other tokens of their love kept safe and close to her. It broke him.

Klaus never meant for their marriage to deteriorate so badly. He loved Y/n, truly. But throughout the years he got distracted. Whenever his family got to town, his focus was off her and whenever a threat showed up he made a point of being distanced from her to ensure they wouldn’t attack her. After the first few times he’d done that, she got upset and wouldn’t want to kiss him, not when he would go weeks of ignoring her and then expecting her affection.

So he began to drink some more, to forget her touch and her voice for just a moment. But it made everything worse. She began to worry he was cheating on her and to be honest he couldn’t blame her for thinking that but in the moment when she would accuse him, he would be outraged.

He couldn’t stop himself from yelling, being offended and snapping. But after, when he would hear her cries and see her curled up in their bed, he would push himself further away in hopes that he wouldn’t be able to hurt her as much from a distance.

It only got worse.

And now he was on the floor of a room that was once his aswell, crying for his marriage that would no longer last.

Eventually he dragged himself up from the floor and went back to his own room, or rather the spare room that he had been sleeping in. He dug through his drawers to find their rings that he took after they both removed them and put his wedding band back on, smiling sadly at the fond memories of the first time she had put it on him.

He held her rings in his hand tightly as he heard the front door open and closed quietly before soft footsteps sounded up the stairs.

————————————————————————

(1st person)

I moved as quickly but as quietly as I could up to my room. I was in jeans and one of Damons shirts so I really couldn’t let Klaus see me.

Hurriedly I opened my bedroom door only to come to a standstill. Quite literally everything was on the floor. If I didn’t know what Klaus was like, I’d have thought a hurricane had passed through the room. I stared blankly for a moment before I both heard and sensed his presence from beside me.

“What did you do?” I whisper, staring at all the little things that meant so much to me scattered and broken into pieces.

“I don’t want you seeing him” he told me, his voice firm. My head snapped to his and I felt both anger and sadness swirl inside me.

“You ruined everything I have” I uttered, my voice still barely above a whisper

“You slept with him” he stated his tone cold but his eyes showed hurt and I part of em felt guilt but the other side just wanted to smack him.

“And?” I asked, my volume increasing slightly

“And? And you’re mine. You do not get to sleep around-“

“For crying out loud Klaus! I am not yours!” I yell, pointing my finger at him “And I do not sleep around! I slept with one person”

“I should have stopped you seeing him ages ago, this shouldn’t have happened” he muttered

“You can’t control every aspect of my life Klaus. We are not together anymore. We agreed on this” i whispered, my tone tired.

“We have not agreed on anything! I never wanted this-“

“Klaus we haven’t agreed on something for a good twenty years! It’s why we’re here” I exasperated

“That does not give you the excuse to fuck someone else” he growled and I glared

“Why? Did you plan on fucking me? Because I highly doubt it Klaus. And even if you wanted to, I wouldn’t have your hands anywhere near me now” I retorted.

I knew immediately that he would speed at me and so moved out of the way, he continued to chase me round the house until eventually he had me against the wall. Both of us were panting heavily, my hands pushing at his chest but he kept me caged.

“Get off me!” I cried, kicking my feet at his legs but he only grunted and held me as still as he could. I shoved at his chest with as much strength as I could but it was obvious that I couldn’t overpower a hybrid. He faltered only slightly at the impact before his hands were grabbing my waist to lift me. Without thinking I brought my hand to his face, smacking him as hard as I could manage.

His head cracked to the side and my eyes went wide. Slowly, he turned back to me. His expression was one of surprise as he stared at me. I felt myself grow meek under his gaze and my bottom lip wobbled.

“I’m sorry” I whispered “I didn’t mean to do that- I didn’t…” I felt his hold on me weaken but I didn’t move this time. My hand tingled from where I’d hit him and so did the guilt that pooled in the pit of my stomach.

His arms slipped around me, hugging me to him and I just didn’t know how to react.

I love Klaus. I do, I always will. But I couldn’t just pretend that every bad thing hadn’t happened and fall back into his arms. I wondered if in Klaus’s mind, if he thought that just sleeping with me and telling me that he found me pretty would be enough to fix this marriage. I knew it wasn’t but I worried for what he thought.

Still, I hugged him back gently. By touch reluctant but there. His warmth enveloped me and I felt my eyes water at the once familiar sensation.

“I missed you so dearly” he mumbled, his face lowering to nuzzle the crook of my neck. He pulled away slowly and grabbed my left hand, I looked to him blankly as he slid both rings back onto my finger. “I’m gonna fix everything” he whispered

“Klaus-“ I sighed

“Just let me try” he murmured

“I-“

“Please” he whispered and I sighed softly. Only the lords know whether I was going to make the right decision or not.

[httpspedri26]

Hi can you do one with Jude with your losing me by Taylor swift like the one you did with pedri?

Your losing me- JB

Jude x reader

Angst

Send requests!

“I don’t understand what’s your problem. Y/N, it was just a party,” Jude said, rolling his eyes and taking off his jacket. “Jude, I don’t care about the party. I care that you didn’t tell me where you were going. You had me worried all night, not sleeping, waiting for you to come home,” Y/N sighed. “You don’t even answer my messages anymore, Jude!”

Jude's tone grew more frustrated. "Can't you see I need some space?" he snapped. He picked up his jacket again and turned around to leave the room.

“Jude, where are you going?” Y/n rubbed her eyes and sighed as she got out of bed.

“I’m leaving y/n I’m going to a friends house” he said as he slammed the door.

She for the first time in months y/n didn’t feel her heart break anymore. Because she was so used to him leaving the house now.

And he was losing her.

As Y/N looked around the room, she remembered why she and Jude had chosen this house - because of this exact room. They loved it cause of the light.

But now she sits in the dark and wonders if it’s time. Does she throw out everything they built of keep it?

She’s getting tired even for the little things now.

The next morning, Y/N woke up with her eyes puffy and red. She reached out, hoping to find Jude beside her, but all she felt was the cold emptiness of the bed. As she sat up, a heavy sigh escaped her lips.

She quickly got up and went through her morning routine. As she finished her breakfast, the sound of the front door opening caught her attention. "Hey," Jude greeted, making his way into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Hey, where were you?" Y/n asked, her gaze fixed on her plate.

"Y/n I don't really want to do this right now," Jude sighed, shutting the fridge door. Y/n furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"I just asked a simple question, Jude."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to talk. What part of that don't you understand?"

Taking a deep breath, she set down her fork and stood up, walking over to him. “Jude, we can’t keep avoiding this. Whatever’s going on, we need to talk about it.”

Jude’s shoulders tensed, his gaze fixed on the floor. “I just need some space, Y/n. Can’t you respect that?”

"Jude, I am! I've been giving you space for months. I'm tired, Jude, months!" Y/n snapped, as she glared at him.

"Jude, you're losing me. It feels like you've stopped trying in this relationship. I'm tired of being the only one putting in any effort here," Y/n admitted, her heart heavy. The once-quickened pulse she used to feel around Jude had now turned into a dull ache of frustration and disappointment.

"I try, Y/n. Everything I do is try," Jude whispered, tears streaking down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"Yeah, well, you don't show it, Jude. You go out to meet your friends and vanish for hours without a single text. Last time, you didn't even come back home. Do you think I slept that night, Jude? I was worried sick, thinking something had happened to you," Y/n's voice cracked, she was trying to not cry she didn’t want Jude to see her cry, not for him.

“Jude I’ve been sending you signals every single day that I was falling out of love with you, and you just sent them away”

Did she really fall out of love? That was the only thing running through Jude’s mind, that was all he could think about.

“I gave you everything I could Jude, I moved to Spain with you, I left my family behind, I gave you more than I thought I could ever give someone” Jude finally found the courage to look at her in the eyes, Big mistake.

he saw his favorite honey colored eyes bloodshot, he could see the sadness in them, and that tore him apart.

“Don’t ignore me Bellingham”.

“I think it’s best if you just go back to England y/n/n”

And that’s what she did.

[htpssgavi]

JUST A PRANK-PART TWO

The weeks stretched into months, each day without Y/N heavier than the last. At first, I thought I could fix things quickly, that with time, her anger would fade, and she’d realize how much we belonged together. But as the days passed with no word from her, reality began to sink in: I might have lost her for good.

I threw myself into football, hoping the sport I loved would distract me from the emptiness inside. But even on the pitch, I couldn’t escape the thoughts of her. Every goal, every victory felt hollow without Y/N to share it with. The perfume prank haunted me, the memory of her tears cutting deeper than any physical injury ever could. I replayed that night over and over, hating myself for the stupid mistake that had cost me everything.

I wanted to reach out, but every time I picked up my phone, fear held me back. What if she didn’t want to hear from me? What if she had already moved on? The thought was unbearable, so I did nothing, hoping that maybe, somehow, she would reach out first. But she never did.

Months passed. The silence between us grew louder, and the distance felt insurmountable. I heard from mutual friends that she was doing well, that she seemed happy, but no one mentioned if she was seeing someone new. I didn’t ask—I couldn’t bear to hear the answer if it was yes.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to know where we stood, even if the truth was painful. So one evening, when the loneliness became too much, I finally worked up the courage to text her.

*Pablo: Hey. It’s been a while. Can we talk?*

I waited, my heart pounding in my chest as I stared at my phone, willing it to buzz with a reply. Minutes felt like hours, and I was on the verge of giving up when my phone finally lit up.

*Y/N: Pablo, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.*

Her response was polite, but distant, and it stung more than I expected. I swallowed the lump in my throat and typed back.

*Pablo: I just need to talk. Please, Y/N. One last time.*

There was a longer pause this time, and I could imagine her debating whether or not to reply. When her next message came, it was a small relief.

*Y/N: Okay. Tomorrow, 4 PM at the café?*

*Pablo: I’ll be there.*

The next day, I arrived early, my nerves on edge. The café felt smaller than I remembered, the walls closing in on me as I waited for her. I kept glancing at the door, my heart leaping every time someone walked in, only to fall again when it wasn’t her.

Finally, she arrived. My breath caught in my throat as I saw her—she looked as beautiful as ever, but there was something different about her, something I couldn’t quite place. Her eyes no longer held that same warmth when she looked at me, and it tore me apart.

“Hi,” she said, sitting down across from me.

“Hi,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. “Thanks for meeting me.”

She nodded, but didn’t smile. “What did you want to talk about, Pablo?”

I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. “I… I’ve missed you, Y/N. Every day without you has been hell. I know I messed up, and I’m not asking you to forgive me easily, but I need to know if there’s any chance for us.”

She looked down at her hands, her expression unreadable. “Pablo, I’ve had a lot of time to think since we broke up. And… I’ve realized that maybe we’re better off apart.”

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. “You don’t mean that.”

She met my gaze, her eyes filled with a sad resolve. “I do. I loved you, Pablo. But you hurt me in a way I never expected, and I don’t think I can ever fully trust you again. And without trust… we can’t have a relationship.”

I felt like the ground was falling out from under me. “Please, Y/N. I’ll do anything to fix this. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that you can trust me.”

She shook her head, a single tear slipping down her cheek. “It’s not that simple. I’m sorry, Pablo, but I can’t go through that pain again. I’ve moved on… I’ve started seeing someone else.”

The world seemed to stop. The words echoed in my mind, a harsh reality that I wasn’t prepared for. She had moved on. Someone else was making her smile, was holding her close, was filling the space that I had left empty.

I wanted to be angry, to blame her for giving up on us, but I couldn’t. I was the one who had driven her away. I was the one who had broken her trust.

“I see,” I managed to say, my voice hollow. “I’m happy for you… if you’re happy.”

She nodded, wiping away her tears. “I am. And I want you to be happy too, Pablo. I want you to find someone who makes you feel whole again.”

The pain in my chest was unbearable, but I forced myself to smile for her sake. “You deserve the best, Y/N. I just wish it could have been me.”

She reached across the table, squeezing my hand gently. “You’re a good person, Pablo. You’ll find someone who loves you just as much as I did. But it’s time for both of us to move on.”

I nodded, unable to trust my voice. We sat in silence for a few moments, both of us knowing that this was truly the end.

“I wish you all the best,” she said quietly, pulling her hand back.

“You too,” I replied, my heart breaking as I watched her stand up.

She gave me one last, sad smile before turning and walking out of the café, leaving me alone with nothing but the echo of what we once had.

As I sat there, staring at the empty chair across from me, I realized that I had to let her go. She had moved on, and I had to do the same. But the pain of losing her, the regret of how things ended, would stay with me for a long time.

Maybe forever.

@gavisfanta @spidybaby @pablitogavii

@lucy90712 @monzabee

[lunajay33]

New World🪵🍂

Summary: You grew up in a crappy town with one friend who kept you going, everything started to fall into place, that’s until the world ended and the dead ruled the world

•Masterlist•

I just came home from teaching, throwing myself down on the couch, usually Daryl stops by every night for supper and it’s been a tradition we have continued every night since I came back from college

I hated leaving but I needed to get out of this shitty town for a bit, and when I got the opportunity to come back and teach I had to, I couldn’t be apart from Daryl, my best friend, anymore

We’ve been friends since his mom died, my parents told me about his mom and so the next day in school I sat with him at lunch and from then on we have been inseparable, sure he was a hard nut to crack but after that he was the sweetest kindest person I’ve ever met

As I got up to start dinner the door burst open and Daryl and Merle came running in frantic

“Guys what’s wrong?” I asked worried

“Ya need to get yer fine ass movin” Merle laughed

I never liked Merle he was a terrible person and a terrible brother

“We need to go..now” Daryl said grabbing a bag off my counter and throwing a bunch of food in it before taking my hand and dragging me to his truck while Merle got on his bike

“Daryl what’s going on you’re scaring me” my voice trembled as he started up the truck and followed Merle down a back road out of town

“Shits happenin, people are dyin, comin back and eatin everyone, we just gotta get outta here” he said taking my hand in his

“Oh god…..well where are we going”

“Up to that quarry I took ya to last summer, it’ll be far away enough from the city and we got fresh water, don’ worry sunshine I’ll keep ya safe” he said giving me a reassuring squeeze

It was silent for most of the drive all I could hear was the blood pumping in my ears, how could this be happening? What was going to happen now, everything was just falling into place, me and Daryl were just planning to go on a trip to Tennessee too but I guess that’s down the drain

Everything I imagined for my life felt like it was slipping away

“Remember that first day we became friends?” I asked trying to distract myself

“Yeah, ya came and sat with me at lunch, had that green dress on and lil matching bows in yer hair, ya were my first friend, glad ya came up to me that day” he smiled looking at me

“I’m glad too, you were so scared and a blushing mess when I was talking to you, it was adorable then I gave you my cookies and you finally opened up to me” I laughed remembering him snatching my pouch of cookies when I held it out to him

“I wouldn’ cute” he groaned

“Come on Daryl you were adorable you still are” I teased loving how he was getting red

“Stop that” he gentle pushed me making me laugh

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a long drive we finally made it to the quarry only to find a few people already camped out but thankfully they allowed I three to stay given Daryl and Merle’s hunting abilities

As daryl and Merle were setting up the tent I went around getting to know everyone and asking them what they knew about everything, it’s been scary everyone’s experience and lucky I had Daryl to get me out safely

As the sun got closer to setting I and the air was cooling I helped Lori clean some fish as she laid it over the fire

“Do you need anymore help?” I asked tired

“No dear you go relax for now we will come get you when everything’s ready” she smiled

I smiled and nodded as I made my way over to the tent, unzipping it I found Daryl and Merle having a heated conversation

I stepped in and took my usual place next to Daryl on his sleeping bag

“What’s going on?”

“There’s lots of folks here I say we jack all there stuff and get outta here ‘fore the sun rises” Merle said smirking

“Come on Merle these are good people we need to stick together and we are in a good place can we just see how things go I don’t wanna leave”

“Damn pussy, I knew we shouldn’ have come and got ya” he groaned as he left the tent

I sighed and turned to look at Daryl and of course he had a defeated look

“It’ll be okay Daryl! I’ve gone around and they seem like a good group to be with everyone carries their own part, we can make it work” I smiled trying to cheer him up

He didn’t say anything which was typical but I was fine with that I knew he wasn’t much of a talker I just hoped my words got through to him a bit

“So…..where am I sleeping tonight” I asked trying to avert the conversation

“Ya can take my sleepin bag I got a blanket I can use” he said looking back at the little thin blanket by the sleeping bag

“No daryl it’s your sleeping bag I can take the blanket”

“Nah ya ain’t doin that”

“Well….i mean the sleeping bag is big enough for us both to fit” I said feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, but it’s not like daryl and I have never shared a bed, we’ve had many sleepovers as kids when his dad was being an ass but this felt…..different

He shrugged his shoulder “sure might get cold tonigh’ anyways” always the survival man

“Okay umm….dinner should be ready soon we should go set up around the fire” i said standing up and pulling my shoes back on, I looked back at him and he was just staring

“Ya coming?”

“Ya I’ll be out soon” he said grunting as if clearing his voice

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daryl’s pov

Me and Merle were coming back from hunting when we safe people on the sidewalks being torn apart, guts everywhere, people screaming and and we knew we had to get outta here

“We gotta get away from these things, we’ll stop by the house get some shit, my bike and we will head to the quarry” Merle said speeding to our crappy house

After we got everything I stopped Merle

“We gotta get y/n, I can’ leave her”

“Nah leave that slut here, just gonna slow us down”

“Man im gettin her, ya either follow me or not but im gettin her” I groaned as I hoped in the truck and drove off the her place

After I got her she was so panicked but tried not to show it but I could see it in the way she acted, I’ll do anything to keep her safe even if I gotta but my life on the line, she everything to me and has been the only one to keep me going, she’s my sunshine

~~~~~~~~

Normal POV

I got a seat on a log pushed up close to the fire some were sitting around as there was two fires going to keep the flames not as big

Finally Daryl came out and I pat the spot next to me while he laid a blanket over my shoulders

“Thank you” I smiled he always showed his friendship to me in little ways and they always made me feel warm inside

I handed him a plate of fish and some random vegetables the group has found

“So y/n, how long have you guys been together?” Jacqui asked startling me with such a question

“What?”daryl asked confused

“You and y/n, you’re a couple aren’t you, you both seem like the perfect couple” she smiled

“Oh no he’s my best friend, been friends since we were 9, barely been apart”

I looked at Daryl and he was clearly uncomfortable and the people around us could sense it as well so they carried on with their own conversations

After we finished eating he stood up and left towards the tent, I sat my plate ontop of his and thanked the girls for supper and headed of towards the tent as well

“Can I come in?” I asked at the tent door

“Ya” he grunted as I heard him shuffle around

I unzipped it seeing him changed into more comfortable clothes sitting on his sleeping bag

I zipped the tent back up and smiled

“Maybe I should have packed some clothes quickly before we left now I gotta sleep in jeans”

He shuffled through his bag and pulled out one of my big night shirts

“Where’d you get this?” I asked confused

“When ya come over for the night sometimes ya left a few things and I kept them just incase, thought I’d bring em along” he shrugged

“Thank god for those sleepovers then, mind if I change in here?” I asked taking the shirt from him

“Sure” he turned as I started to unzip my pants and pull off my shirt, quick to haul the oversized shirt over my head as I came down to the middle of my thigh

I folded up my jeans and “day” shirt and laid it by his bag

“K I’m done” he turned and started to crawl his way into the sleeping bag

He opened one side and waited for me me to join, it was snug but with the chilly night air god was it warm, I turned so my back was to his chest so we could fit more comfortably and he laid his arm over my waist

“Where’s Merle?” I asked not having seen him all night

“Said he was going down to the quarry must have wanted to get his own fish er somethin?” I hummed in understanding feeling my eyelids getting heavier

“Daryl….please don’t ever leave me” I said finally understanding the weight of everything and that this is probably gonna be our forever world now

He grabbed my waist and held me closer

“I ain’ never leavin ya”

My heart felt a bit later after such a strenuous day

“Good night Daryl” I said as I laid my hand ontop of his

“Night sunshine”

—-///—-///—-///—-///—-///—-

How is everyone liking the first chapter of this new series! I’ve very excited for this story! If you wanna be part of the taglist lmk!!

Taglist: @ghostboneswrites

Part 2<-

[pepsiboyy]

idk if you take fic requests! but maybe a fic based off of Greek God by Conan Gray. like Matt or Chris pretend they don’t like yn where they’re around their sport (whatever sport, you choose!) friends. they all have a really high ego and are cocky. but there’s a tension between M/C and yn bc they used to be friends until M/C got popular but yn didn’t so now they’re not friends cuz M/C let his popularity status get to him. but they sometimes speak on the down low (M/C doesn’t wanna be seen talking to yn) they’re families are family friends which is why they’re technically forced to still talk every once in a while. but eventually the tension gets too intense, and well, M/C can’t handle it anymore and it ends up turning into a childhood friends to enemies to lovers type story 🤭 ALSO, YN STANDS HER GROUND AND DOESNT LET M/C GET HER THAT EASILY, SHES NOT JUST GONNA FALL FOR HIM INSTANTLY CUZ HE FINALLY STARTS PAYING ATTENTION TO HER!! thanks!!

GREEK GOD.

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader summary: just read the request :p warnings: cursing, mentioned of alcohol, being drunk, use of y/n lol, angst (resolved sorta) a/n: THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS REQUEST!!! i hope it's what you were looking for, i spent a lot of time trying to make this work :") thank you so much for the request!!

i stood at the edge of the ice rink, my hands clasping together with high hopes.

i came to cheer on matt and chris, with nick seated beside me as he scrolled through instagram and snacked on some chips that he brought.

nick was my best friend, without a doubt. i told him everything. matt was one of my comfort friends. someone i didn't talk to as often as nick, but enough to where i feel fully comfortable talking to him about whatever may happen. chris, on the other hand...

chris was chris.

it was hard to describe the dynamic the two of us shared.

chris and i actually used to be closer than me and nick, or anyone, honestly.

he would pick me up when i fell, give me some of his snacks and even a sip of his pepsi if i wanted. he would reassure me when i felt low, and even put me in my place if he knew i was out of line.

before we knew it, high school rolled around. freshman year was relatively normal, sophomore year too.

junior year he started making newer friends, but he also had a different lunch period from the rest of us. i'd only really see him when matt gave me rides home.

senior year rolled around, and chris was a changed person. ever since he made it to the varsity hockey team with his new friends, he changed. he claims it's because we "grew apart" but we didn't. he goes out of his way to make me look bad in front of his friends, or even act like he has no idea who i am. it kind of made me feel stupid.

matt being on varsity with him didn't help his case at all, either.

so, when i came to watch them play, nick would sit with me and i would cheer on them both, even if chris pretended to hate me.

so, here i am. standing at the edge of the rink with nick, who was now standing beside me as we watched the two we knew and loved. matt effortlessly weaving past a defender, sending the puck flying towards chris, who sent it into the goal and made it.

the sound of skates cutting through ice was sharp in my ears, and the bright arena lights cast a glow over everyone while each and every cheer echoed in the cold air.

i remember when we all used to skate together freshman year here, the arena empty and our arms all linked together because i couldn't skate for the life of me, on matter how bad i tried.

those days felt like a lifetime ago now.

you had all grown a lot since then.

apart, apparently.

"hey, y/n, what are you doin' here?" a boy from the team questioned, skating to the glass with a cocky grin. "came to see the champ?" he asked, referring to chris.

i rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, allowing my eyes to trail elsewhere. "just here to support my friends." i mumbled.

chris glanced over, his expression neutral, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes - guilt, maybe, or recognition of the unspoken tension between them. before i could look away, he turned back to his friends, laughing at some joke i couldn't hear.

i sighed and took a seat beside nick again, letting out a soft hum as i did. the familiar sting of hurt and anger was beginning to get to me.

the memory of chris and i being inseparable, chris changing, chris making fun of me to his friends, all of it. it hurt. popularity inflated his ego, and i always refused to be an admirer in his little fan club.

after the game, i found myself lingering near the exit of the rink. i typically waited for the crowd to die and the traffic to slow down before leaving. it was too busy for me.

the locker room door swung open, and out poured the hockey team that was riding out the high of their win. chris was among them, laughing loudly and tossing his hockey stick over his shoulder. we met eyes for a moment, and his smile seemed to falter. until he leaned to a friend of his and nudged them, mumbling something to make them both laugh.

"hey, y/n!" chris called out. "didn't think you'd stick around here. still obsessed with me or what?"

i stared at chris with a deadpanned expression. "stop getting me to stroke your ego, christopher." i bit back, trying to keep my voice steady.

this shit was annoying, really.

chris's friends snickered, and he shrugged it off, turning away as if i were nothing more than an afterthought to him. "whatever. let's get out of here."

the group moved past me, their laughter seeming to echo in the hallway. i felt a lump form in my throat, but i refused to let anyone see me get upset over something to miniscule.

i knew this version of chris was a facade, but that didn't really make it hurt any less. the boy i once loved and cared for deeply was now buried under layers of arrogance and bravado, and i wasn't about to let him off the hook so easily.

the crowd began to die down, so i gathered myself and pushed out of the door, making my way towards my car.

as i walked towards the car, i saw chris again, this time with his brothers as they leaned against their minivan and talked about the game together.

for a moment, chris looked up, and our eyes met. there was a flicker of something in his gaze - regret, maybe, or a silent apology - but it vanished as quickly as it appeared.

he mumbled something to his brothers before he kicked off and made his way towards me.

"need a ride home? matt can take you." his tone was casual, but strained.

i stared at chris for a moment in disbelief, before quickly shaking my head and sighing. "no thanks. i can manage."

chris opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it, looking away. the silence between us stretched, and it filled with all the things left unsaid.

and with that, i turned on my heel and began walking home.

saturday. the days where the sturniolo household invited me for dinner were so much fun, genuinely. they were an amazing family. and chris typically acted normal around her when she was invited over.

i pulled into the driveway of their home, smiling softly to myself as i turned the music down. i pulled down the mirror and fixed my hand, humming to myself before taking my keys.

i was wearing something pretty cozy, just a crewneck and some bleached jeans and converse. they were like my second family, no need to get fancy.

i knocked on the door, where matt answered and pulled me into a hug of greeting. "hi, y/n," he breathed and smiled softly before leading me further into their home, where i was met with nick, marylou, their mother, and jimmy, their father.

"where's chris?" i questioned, the words falling from my lips faster than i could stop them.

nick exchanged a look with matt before he shrugged. "not sure, he just said he was going to some hockey party for their win last night."

i scoffed and nodded, taking a seat in my usual spot between nick and marylou.

the empty chair across from me was honestly quite intimidating. more than it would have been if chris were there.

chris was always the one with crazy stories and conversation topics.

we sat in a comfortable silence, though, which i'm sure nick and matt enjoyed as they listen to chris every day of their lives.

"you're still goin' to their hockey games and cheerin' em on?"

marylou questioned, and i turned to her and smiled. "yeah, they're really great, actually." i smiled softly, and marylou nodded.

"i know chris has been on a bit of an ego train, i hope he's still been kind to you guys." jimmy mumbled softly.

i swallowed and rubbed the back of my head. "yeah, he's been great, actually." i lied.

nick and matt stared at me, but decided not to question it before continuing their meal.

but then my phone began to ring, and everyone's attention shifted to me.

"i'm so sorry," i quickly mumbled as i removed it from my pocket and immediately felt every bit of air in my lungs leave.

why is chris calling me?

i rose to my feet and held up a finger, chuckling nervously. "i'm gonna take this," i mumbled quickly.

i made my way down the hall and to the front room. "hello?" i questioned softly.

"y/n/n," chris slurred on the other end. "i- i'm at a party, and.." he trailed off before giggling to himself, "i might.. need a ride home," he mumbled.

i sighed, rubbing my temple in annoyance. "where are you?"

chris mumbled an address, hardly coherent. "can you... can you come get me? please?"

i sighed to myself. "why can't you get matt or nick or something?"

"they'll get pissed," he stated, a little clearer than the rest of his sentences. "i don't want them to worry about me." chris struggled to get the word worry out of his system, making me crack a slight smile.

"fine," i stated as i fixed myself, "stay put. i'll be there soon."

i hung up the phone and made my way back to the dining room, where everyone collectively turned to me.

"everything alright?" nick asked, and i quickly nodded.

"everything's good, i do have to go, though. i'm so sorry you guys. i'll make it up to you?" i smiled. "i just, um.. have to run."

they all exchanged looks before nodding and bidding me farewell, nick walking me out.

i sat in my car and typed the address into my phone, rubbing my forehead.

i didn't enjoy parties. they were loud, sweaty, gross and full of annoying ass kids. usually.

and as i pulled up, it was just that. a typical high school party scene - loud music, teenagers spilling out onto the lawn, and the faint smell of alcohol and weed in the air. i found chris on the footsteps, his head buried in his hands. i quickly made my way towards him after parking and kneeled down in front of him.

"come on, let's get you home." i said, helping him to his feet.

chris leaned on my heavily as we made our way to my car. i buckled him in and got into the driver's sear, the tension between us palpable in the confined space. as i drove, chris mumbled some incoherent words, his head lolling against the window.

"y/n," he suddenly said, his voice clearer but thick with emotion. "i'm sorry."

i glanced at him, eyebrows raised. "for what?"

"for everything," he continued, his eyes half-closed. "for being an ass. for ignoring you. for... for all of it."

i took a deep breath as i felt a mixture of sadness and anger bubbling within me. i gripped the steering wheel tighter, unsure of how to respond. "you're drunk, chris. you don't know what you're saying."

"no," chris insisted, reaching out and touching my arm. "i do, i've been a jerk. i miss you. i miss us."

i pulled into my own driveway, knowing chris wouldn't want to see his family like this. i would just take his phone and send them a text saying he was with a friend tonight or something.

i turned off the engine and took a deep breath. "let's get you inside."

chris stumbled out of the car, leaning on me for support the whole way to the door. i fished for my keys and unlocked the door, quickly guiding him to my living room couch.

as i laid a blanket over him, he grabbed my hand as his eyes locked with mine.

"i still care about you, y/n. i always have."

my heart pounded, but i forced a laugh, trying to deflect the intensity of the moment. "sleep it off, chris. we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

i brushed a few loose strands from his forehead and stood up, turning off the light and going to my room. my mind raced with conflicting emotions.

part of me wanted to believe his drunken confession, but another part of me was still so angry. still hurt by the way he had treated me. as i laid in bed and stared at my ceiling, i couldn't shake the feeling that things between us were far from over. and that this was just the beginning of a much more complicated story.

the sizzling of the bacon on the oven was comforting, in a way. i had an airpod in, playing some softer, but upbeat music to get me up and going for the long, long day ahead.

i turned my head upon hearing some shuffling in the kitchen, meeting eyes with chris. "morning," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"morning," i replied, placing a plate of food with bacon, eggs and sausage onto the counter in front of him. "eat up. you'll feel better."

he sat down and started eating, occasionally glancing at me as i cleaned up the kitchen. after a few minutes of awkward silence, he looked at me. "look, about last night.."

i crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. "what about it?"

chris looked down at his plate, poking at his eggs. "i meant what i said, you know. but i was drunk, and.. and maybe it didn't come out right-"

"maybe?" i questioned, my voice sharp. "you've been treating me like i don't exist for months, chris. one drunken apology doesn't fix that."

he winced at my words, but nodded. "i know, i've been an idiot. i got caught up in... everything. the team, the popularity. but that's no excuse."

"no, it's not." i stated, my anger beginning to bubble to the surface. "you think you can just waltz back into my life with a half-assed apology and everything will be fine? it doesn't work that way." i spat.

chris stood up, stepping closer. "i'm not asking for everything to be fine overnight. i'm asking for a chance to make things right."

i shook my hear, my eyes flashing with frustration. "do you even realize how much you hurt me? how it felt to be ignored, to be treated like i was nothing?"

"i do now," he said quietly. "and i'm sorry. truly. i want to make it up to you, if you'd let me."

i looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sign of insincerity. he seemed genuine, his usual bravado stripped away, leaving only the boy she used to know.

"i don't know if i can trust you," i admitted, my voice softer now.

chris reached out and took my hand in his. "i get that. and i will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back."

he pulled me into a tight hug, where i gently hugged his waist and took in his scent.

i missed this.

"just one date. give me a chance?" chris mumbled, the smile audible in his tone.

i hesitated, my mind racing. part of me wanted to say no, to protect myself from his bullshit. but another part of me remembered all of the good times.

"one date," i finally stated, my voice firm. "but this doesn't mean i'm just forgiving you, chris. you have a lot to prove."

he nodded quickly, his lips curving into a smile. "i promise i won't let you down."

i pulled away from his embrace and smiled at him before turning to the sink and doing the dishes. "you better now."

as i did the dishes, i felt a glimmer of hope mixed with lingering doubt. chris had a long way to go to earn the trust i had for him back, but for the first time in months, she felt like maybe, just maybe, things could change.

[cheolhub]

NEEDY — JEON WONWOO ࿐

summary. wonwoo can’t keep his hands to himself because he needs your full, undivided attention.

wc. 1.08k

warnings. jealous sub!wonu, dom!reader, multiple orgasms (m.), handjob, heavy praise, light degradation (wonwoo gets called a slut), pet names, tears &lt;3 — MINORS DNI 18+

note. 2 months ago i asked what sub!idol u wanted me to write and wonwoo’s name appeared, so here it is >< better late than never— thank u to @gyuswhore for offering to beta-read this and easing my nerves mwahhh <3

“baby, please…i-i can’t take anymore!” wonwoo begs for mercy as you pump his cum covered cock teasingly.

“aww, but you kept asking me for this, didn’t you, baby?” you coo condescendingly with a faux pout etched into your lips. “just kept bugging me while we were out with our friends, isn’t that right?”

he stumbles over his words, stuttering out, “i-i-i was just… i just—“

“you were just what? being a needy slut? just wanted my attention?” you grit out, squeezing him harder in your hand. “now ‘m giving you all these orgasms and you’re being so mean to me… can’t even say thank you?”

wonwoo was being a needy slut. needier than you’d ever seen him. normally, he was reserved, keeping pda to a minimum, but today… today he kept trying to feel you up every chance he could, kept trying to kiss any and all exposed parts of you, kept trying to steal your attention away from whoever you were talking to. 

you tried to ask what was wrong, but he’d just shrug indifferently and it irked you. when you went back to your conversation with seokmin and mingyu, he’d just do the same thing over. and over… and over. 

you eventually grew sick of his begging, parting with your friends and going back to your apartment where you were now. you’d sat him on the edge of the bed and immediately got to work on him, pulling orgasm after orgasm till he had tears in his eyes begging you to stop.

“n-no! thank you! thank you, baby,” he gasps. “i’m sorry–”

you laugh at his desperation, hand continuing to languidly stroke his flushed, hard length, “what are you sorry for, pretty boy, hm? which part of tonight are you apologizing for?”

he whimpers, hips raising a bit, but your free hand quickly slaps his thigh causing his hips to fall and a soft ‘ah!’ to leave his mouth. 

you pout, “wonu… you’re being so bad today…maybe i should stop–” 

he lets out a frenzied cry, sensitive cock twitching uncontrollably the second your hand stops working him. “don’t! please, ‘m sorry– sorry for getting jealous, sorry for being needy, sorry for everything. please, please don’t stop.”

he’s well aware of how overstimulated he is and you are too. it’s not hard to miss with the tears running down his flushed face and how he’s jerking at the slightest touch. the thing is, wonwoo has something to prove. he needs to cum for you again and he needs to give you everything he’s got. 

you murmur, “aw, baby… jealous? of seokmin and mingyu? that’s what had you trying to fuck me while we were out?”

he nods again, “just wanted your attention…” he mumbles through pursed lips.

his words have your heart clenching, hand coming back to stroke his messy cock. at the return, he gasps, bottom lip finding sanctum between his teeth to stop the embarrassing noises from drooling past them.

you lean in to press your lips against his sharp jaw, “you’re so cute, baby, why didn’t you just tell me?” you mutter in between your kisses. 

his eyes flutter close and he whispers, “‘m sorry.”

you whisper back, hand resuming its previous speed. “don’t be…” 

he whines out your name, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. with his jaw going slack, all of his pretty noises fill the room again and you can’t help but giggle. you quickly maneuver yourself to straddle his lap, fisting him hastily.

he chokes on a sob, his face falling into your clothed chest in attempts to muffle his moans. his hands grasp at the bed sheets, pawing at that white, ruffled fabric. 

“don’t hide, pretty baby,” you tell him sultrily. “tell me how good i‘m making you feel? who’s making my good boy feel good?”

he peers up at you with his glassy, brown eyes while you continue your assault on his dick in between your two bodies. “y-you are… you’re makin’ me feel… makin’ me feel so good, Y/N.” 

“yeah?” you pant, pussy soaking through the denim of your jeans at this point. “i’m making you feel good? gonna cum again?” 

“yes! god, please let me…

you smile, voice just barely above a whisper, “do it, baby. cum for me, hm?” 

and as if he were hanging on to the end of every one of your words, his body jerks, dick twitching in your tight grip. his cum weakly spurts from his cock and joins the other loads on your hand and his thighs while he lets out a broken cry. 

“thank you, thank you, thank you– fuck! thank you!” he sobs, eyes rolling again and mouth hanging open to let his various babbles out. 

and he looks so perfect. so messy and brainless, yet so fucking pretty that it’s causing yet another wave of arousal to soak through your panties and jeans. 

you moan out more praise, leaning in to pepper kisses all over his face while he comes down from what feels like his 10th orgasm, though it’s only his third. 

“s’good for me, won. did so well, you know that?” you whisper, finally pulling your hand away from his ruined cock. “ do you feel okay? are you tired?”

he shudders, “‘m-m okay,” he nods, but his slurred words are proof that he is, in fact, tired. 

you laugh softly, free hand coming up to mess with the bangs that are matting against his forehead. “you are tired, baby. c’mon… let’s go shower and we can go to be–” 

“n-no… wanna–… what about you?”

“what about me, baby?” you coo, though you know exactly what he’s talking about. it’s the dull ache in your cunt that so desperately needs to be touched… or eaten… or fucked.

his eyes pleading, like he’s begging you with the mere look on his face. “want you to feel good, too.” 

“you already came, though, pretty boy,” you remind him. “it’s okay– hey!” 

he uses his last strength to flip you over onto the bed, pulling a surprised yelp from your mouth. “no.” he says sternly. “i-i’m gonna make you feel good.” he says, before getting on his knees between your legs, nimble fingers popping the button of your jeans. 

you’re a bit breathless at the sudden change in his behavior and the fact that your heart is just about to lurch out of your chest. “but–”

“no, buts. i’m returning the favor.”

© cheolhub — all rights reserved, please refrain from copying, reposting, modifying or translating my work on any platform.

[somejazzinthemorning]

tightrope. 01

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Original Female Character Warnings: Language, I guess?  Word Count: ~4.253

— Just hold my hand. If you are afraid, you can hold my hand.

And it was so cold, my hand froze when I pulled it out from under the covers to extend it towards him. Carlos was on the bed across from mine, his hand stretched out toward me. The beds were far enough apart that I could barely reach him with my fingers. We both got as close as possible to the edge of the bed, the whisper of sheets spreading through the room. I grabbed two of his fingers. He smiled at me. And we fell asleep like that, with our fingers intertwined, hovering over the face of my brother, lying on a mattress between the beds. Eventually, after I had fallen asleep, I let go of his hand and hid it under the blankets. When I woke up, I had both hands on the pillow, but his was down on the side of the bed, his fingers still outstretched—not towards me, but pointed at the floor. And there was no longer a storm and I was no longer afraid.

Chapter 01

Looking back, it warms my heart to remember moments like those.

We are so much older now; Our lives took a major turn and we barely speak anymore. I don’t even know if he remembers that episode, but I think about it a lot.

The idea of him appears in my mind in moments I don’t expect, like when it’s raining, and, in the search for comfort and warmth in my pockets, I remember how warm his hands always were and that’s when I realize how much I’ve missed him.

How much I’ve missed having him around.

And the fact that I couldn’t just text him and ask him to hang out made everything worse. I knew I shouldn’t dwell on the past, but sometimes it was hard not to.

Especially when the present was so lonely.

We gradually stopped talking when he signed for McLaren. He had a lot of responsibility on his shoulder and he would spend a lot of time in the factory, or London with his teammate. He had to train more, learn more, read more, help more. He was a mentor, now. At least, that was what he told me — always the same excuse, no matter the occasion.

“I’ve been so busy”, he would say. “I’m sorry, but I know you understand.”

And I would nod.

I went to the Spanish GP in 2019. We didn’t get to talk. He was busy, it was a busy weekend. A lot to do and a lot of people to meet.  I know you understand. The same happened in Monaco and Silverstone. He promised me then he would show up for my birthday party, happening some days after the Grand Prix. And just hours before the dinner, a text.

“I can’t make it. I’ll send you something over the mail.”

I stopped caring. Or, at least, I pretended I did.

That’s just how it is with some people.

You grow apart and move on. That’s fine. That’s life.

But I couldn’t help but wonder if he ever thought about that stormy night and how we fell asleep holding hands. Or if that also disappeared in time.

I resented him for a lot of reasons and, to be honest, looking back I was quite happy about the separation the universe forced upon us. I resented him more than Rio, my brother, ever did. Their friendship only grew stronger. But Rio was a better person than me. He welcomed the uncertainties and he was grateful for them. He found wonder where I just found pain. I was more melancholic, driven by nostalgia and memories.

Thinking about what would have happened if we had gotten a place for Rio in GP3 consumed my days. Not enough money and not good enough sponsors shortened his chase for the dream.

Carlos, on the other end? We all know how it went for him.

He used to call Rio and tell him about what he was doing, the simulators he got to try and the drivers he worked with. My brother was so happy for his friend that I think he forgot to be sad for himself.

So I was sad for both; Each year sadder, because distance grew with time until Carlos stretched it to a point that nothing seemed capable to make us fall back into place.

There came a point in my life where I accepted that things were going to stay like that.

I would see him once or twice a year if he bothered to show up to the occasions, and we would be civil. And we were. Always civil. Polite. He would talk to me as one would talk to a stranger. I would do the same.

Didn’t take long for us to become strangers. And suddenly, I became the one that didn’t bother to show up to family dinners when he was in the city. He stopped going on our annual ski trip to the Alps.

That being said, I absolutely didn’t expect to meet him that way, around midnight, in the dark cold garage, with his hand outstretched towards me, frozen in the air, to assist me in getting out of the car.

It felt like an eternity before I could come back to myself again after seeing him. I was still seated in the driver's seat, my helmet covering my head and the visor blurring the lines of his face. My eyes were desperately attempting to draw new lines across his features, but it was a tough task to make sense of the chaos. I kept looking at him, trying to find something that I could recognise, something that would make me feel at ease. But nothing seemed to be familiar.

It was like looking at a stranger, a stranger with a face that I once knew.

Rejecting his assistance, I got out of the car and, from the corner of my eye I saw him sliding his hand back into his pocket. I couldn’t find myself saying or doing anything. I stood there, taking him in, rejecting the idea of taking out my helmet and seeing him clearly.

A year had passed. Of course, I had seen him on television, on social media, on posters and photographs around the circuits and streets, but—

“It’s been a while,” he broke the silence.

“Yeah,” I wanked off my helmet and balaclava. “It has.”

Arms slightly apart, a silent invitation for a hug I knew I didn’t want to give him. I turned my back on him, closed the door of the car and left my belongings on one of the counters of the garage. On the chrome of one of the cabinets, the reflection of his face.

Different, but the same. Older, but his eyes had the light he had as a boy. But he was a man, now, not the boy I once really liked, the boy I thought I was not capable of living without.

Anyways, he was still Carlos.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, my body tensing up, twisting around itself, turning back to him.

“I came to see you,” he replied, a hint of a smile in his voice. His hands were still in his pockets, his eyes drifting from me to the car. “I heard you’re doing well in the championship, so I wanted to see how you’re really doing.”

I nodded my head in a polite gesture, though my mind was still reeling from the surprise of seeing him again. I muttered a simple “I’m fine, as you might have heard, too.”

“Glad to hear that.”

The bright red of his team polo shone through his black puffer jacket. He was probably there on behalf of his team, for some PR duties, most likely. I reached up to my neck to undo the velcro of my suit and unzip it slightly.

Despite being the middle of July, when summer is normally at its hottest, the evening air was chilly. I could feel the cold breeze of the night, making my skin feel clammy and sticky with sweat. My hair was plastered to my face and neck, and I shivered as the chill settled in my bones.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked, my fingers undoing the band that hold my braid together. After that, I passed my fingers between the strands of hair.

“Well… I saw the schedule online,” he finally moved. Walking towards the car, a black, red and yellow Ferrari 488 EVO. “Rio just confirmed you were here.”

My mechanics were still inside, packing up tools in the carts and cleaning the oil-stained floor, that the too-bright lights did nothing to hide. The smell of rubber and oil lingered inside the garage, perhaps even in my hair.

“Why didn’t you come to see me before?”

“I don’t know,” he said. His voice carried some kind of serenity and tranquillity that was making me as mad as nauseous. He turned back to me. “I was waiting for the right moment, I guess.”

"And what made tonight the right moment?" My eyes didn’t leave the red of his polo, peaking through the jacket.

Convenience made it the right moment.

"I don't know," was his response. The cadence of it rang hollow, underwhelming some expectations I didn’t know I still harboured.

Suddenly, I felt the attention of some mechanics fall on us, curious eyes discreetly lurking at us, or better, at Carlos. The Ferrari driver standing in my small team’s garage. The newest Formula One race winner. Carlos Sainz.

I started walking out, to the pit lane, and he, circling around the car, but not lifting his eyes from it, followed me closely.

“Just felt like it was time.”

“Time for what, exactly?”

He caught my arm and I stepped outside, turning me around and making me look at him. I don’t know if it was the breeze or the piercing gaze he held, but something shifted inside the second my eyes met his.

“To talk to you,” he answered to the question I had honestly forgotten I’d asked. “Can we do that without you running away?”

His hair was longer and slicked back. The beard was not too long, but not clean shaved either. At this hour, with only the garage lights brightening half of his face and the heavy shadows of the night weighing down the other, he looked even more handsome than I remembered.

I felt my heart skip a beat. That feeling I recognized too well. His effect. His aura, his gaze, his perfectly drawn face and his fucking voice—so deep, so earthy. Something about him, only him.

“We’ve nothing to talk about,” I finally said, looking down at his hand; long fingers wrapped around the black sleeve of my suit. He let go. “We’ve moved on, we’re both doing great. Congrats on that win, by the way.”

“Eva.” I always loved the way my name sounded when he was the one who voiced it. “Come one. I just want to talk to you.”

“Why?”´

“I don’t know,” again. A pause. “I just missed you, I guess.”

You guess.

Almost three years apart, one year without being in the same room. I don’t know why it didn’t make me happy to hear that. After all, I had spent the last few years waiting for him to say it. At the same time, the realisation that if he missed me, it was only his fault and he could survive another day away from me, from us.

But, surprised by my own words, I let out an "I missed you too.”

And he smiled.

God, that smile. That same smile he had as a teen. That same smile I kept seeing on every video, in every interview. That same smile that once made me fall for him. I liked him. I really did. I used to confess, only to myself, that I loved him.

I loved him in the way children do, in a way so genuine and pure that it actually seems and feels like a fairytale. I loved him in the way little girls do, in the blushed cheeks, weird sentences, poor jokes and a lot of giggles way.

My heart would explode each time I laid my eyes on him, which happened a lot because we basically grew up together.

And that hasn’t changed.

My heart was racing. Its sound muffled any thoughts in my head and soothed the rage boiling inside. He had grown up and become a man and, at that moment, looking at him and his smile, being hypnotised by his gaze, I went back to being that little girl.

I had never stopped caring. I’d never stopped loving him.

One thing had changed, though. I had grown past that middle-school crush and I knew that no matter how much I’d missed him we would never come back to that pure, simple, naive version of ourselves. The memories I had were nothing more than fragments of the past and I could not let myself fall into the traps of my hopelessly romantic patterns in an attempt to find them.

I took a deep breath.

The smell of burnt tires and the noise of the rattle guns woke me up from my trance.

Over Carlos’ shoulder, Rio’s silhouette grew bigger as he sprinted down the pit lane. Fast-paced with a big smile on his face and holding his iPad in his hands, he positioned himself beside Carlos, not before patting him on the back.

“So, you found her,” Carlos nodded at my brother’s words, his hands back in his pockets. “Is everything okay?”

Carlos and I exchanged looks. He was still smiling and, for some reason, I felt defeated. Through the silence, Rio could probably hear my thoughts. He fixed his gaze on me, those deep green eyes, forcing an answer out of me.

“Yeah,” I finally burst. “Everything’s fine.”

“Nice,” he took my side and extended the iPad out to me.

Tiny notes in red and blue were written across the outline of the circuit, with numbers and words coupled around the corners. Graphics and reports on the following pages, just the distraction I needed.

“It’s looking good, Evita,” my brother said, excited. “Seems like winning tomorrow won’t be too difficult.”

My pace in the race simulations during the morning testing was great and we had gathered enough data to not be too worried about the next day's race. Besides, the small issues I’d found with the wheel were quickly fixed by the team. Nothing to worry about.

“I’ll be going now,” my eyes moved up from the screen, finding Carlos’. His gaze seemed to be waiting for something, and after a beat, he said, “Unless you need any help.” His words held an almost pleading quality.

I looked back down at the screen, trying to kill the tug of sympathy he’d awoken just then. “We don’t,” I said; from the corner of my eye, I saw Rio looking at his friend, an apologetic look on his face. “I’ll see you around, Sainz.”

And then, he was gone and Rio didn’t even try to confront my attitude. Carlos stopped walking when he was just a black shadow against the strong light of a spotlight positioned at the end of the pit lane.

“If you have plans, you can go,” I said.

“Wait for me for breakfast, tomorrow,” Rio slid up the zipper of his jacket. “Try to get some good rest, tonight.”

Some kind of weight forced my head down, until I was more than sure they wouldn’t be there when I looked up.  Alone in the pit lane, I looked at the iPad, trying to find a distraction to avoid processing what had just happened—just like he used to do before, he inebriated me with his presence and stripped me from any shield I had held against him.

For a brief moment, I hoped to win the next day’s race, not just to win it, but to see him under the podium. Show him I was doing good, in fact, showing him that I was doing great. But then, like the universe was punishing me for my thoughts,  it all came crashing down. I was not there as he celebrated his maiden win. He didn’t deserve to the there tomorrow. He didn’t deserve to be here today.

That night, when I lay down to sleep, nostalgia was running in my blood. My skin burning like his presence had started a fever that was taking me whole. Fingers tingling. Soul aching.

I tried so hard to convince myself it would have been better if he hadn’t shown up but at the same time, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, he had taken some time for me, and that was everything I had desired for a long time.

Just some time. Some attention. To feel that I mattered to him.

And I finally got it and, having it, relief came accompanied by a whirlwind of doubt. That encounter wasn’t nearly enough to fix anything. He shouldn’t be there. He didn’t deserve to be there, to be around. He had to do more for me if he wanted to mend something.

And that sparked another idea: if that’s all I needed— everything I'd done for him to be repaid, then I'd never loved him. Because this wasn't the love, in its purest form, that I’d once thought I felt.

That was not caring. That was not love.

Love is not selfish. Is not needy. Is not asking for too much attention or being content with a small fraction of someone else's time. Love is about commitment, and not about expecting the same in return.

I was not okay with being an option, I was not okay with a fraction of his time. I was not okay with being a past-time for when he finds the time, but I was also not okay with the idea of losing him, again. Not that I ever had him, not that I had him just because he came back, but at least, I had a bit of him. And I was not okay with the idea of losing him completely. To disappear from his world. To be forgotten by him. Again.

I was not okay with the idea of moving on without him.

I was not okay with the idea of him moving on without me.

I was not okay with any of this, but I did not know what to do. Too quickly, I failed my own promise. I was too deep in the memories and my mind was already finding ways to chase them. I felt lost.

That night I dreamed about the stormy night. I pictured his adult form on the bed in front of me. The adult me was still scared of thunderstorms. Our hands were extended towards each other, but this time the beds were too apart, and I couldn’t reach him.

He made no effort to reach me.

__________________________________

Of course, he was not there.

Rio pushed me into a thigh hug as I got off the car, muttering words of praise in my ear. “So proud, so proud, you’re amazing.” Fucking hell, it felt amazing. There wasn’t a moment when we thought we weren’t gonna win that race, but each corner was an opportunity to take risks and increase the lead. The gap to the second car stretched with every lap, the machine roared around me in an amazing symphony. The track was amazing. The light rain only helped. The team was ecstatic. Hugs, victory songs, a lot of laughter.

Another win. Three in a row.

Mugello had an incredible public and an incredible atmosphere. Red and yellow all over the place, prancing horses in every hat or flag. I stood on the podium, watery eyes when the crowd joined the Italian anthem that played on full volume. I looked for him—I should know better, but of course, I looked for him—and he was not there. The champagne washed away any pain the disappointment had caused and my brother's smile, celebrating on the pit lane floor alongside the entire team, made me forget about anything other than the race I had just won.

After that, a long shower followed. Half drunk on champagne, we rummaged into the town, finding rivals and friends amongst Italian teens in the nightclubs.

Another podium and I had my championship. Two races left. It could not escape.

And after three wins in a row, a podium seemed an easy task.

And those were enough reasons to celebrate like tomorrow would not exist. We danced the night away, flirting my way through the bottles on display in the club’s bar. We stepped outside well before 6 am, the sun already peaking between the old beautiful buildings.

“Not that you really care, but I won.”

In my defence, I was pretty drunk when I sent that to Carlos, drunk enough to think into it but apparently sharp enough to escape any typing mistakes.

Rio was trying to find us a uber to take us back to the RV, but he was taking his time and I was bored and drunk and with a loose tongue. The alcohol was siding with my anger, the rage making my stomach twist. Very quickly, the status of the message changed from “sent” to “read”, but there was no sign of a response.

He read the message. He was awake.

Impatient as always, I called him. He picked up right away.

“Hey,” he said. Hoarse, deep voice. I can’t lie and say it didn’t make my stomach twist even more.

“Hi,” my brother looked back confused, likely trying to figure out who I was talking to. As quickly as he had turned around to me, I turned his attention back to his phone. “I’m drunk.”

“I can tell.”

“I want to talk to you,” I heard a sigh on the other end and the ruffle of sheets. “Maybe later?”

“No, no,” he rushed to say. I heard him breathe, and then his sleepy voice spoke again. “Talk about what?”

“The past.” A pause. “How it hurts to know you’ve always had time for Rio.  You go out every. time. you’re in Madrid.” Another pause. My gaze fell on a pigeon walking around in front of me. “Why were you sooooo busy to see me but always had time for him?”

“I was an idiot. That’s how.”

“You were.” I was nodding, although he could not see me. “Oh, God, you are. And I am too. And I was because you were so… shitty to me sometimes, and I always forgave you because I understood your life and because I understood your work and I loved you. Oh my God, I loved you. And you were a fucking idiot. You didn’t even s—”

“Eva… I’m sorry. I—”

“No, I don’t want your apology.” The pigeon took flight, as my voice burst out to stop him from talking. “I just want you to know it hurts. And coming were on the night before a race? For real?” I paused. “Also, think about all the conversations we had on the phone when you moved to the UK and you were feeling homesick. All that time, I used to think I reminded you of home.” I chortled at my own stupidity. “And I was so fucking stupid,” a short laugh erupted through my lips again, “so so stupid because it took me months to realize you only called me because I was the only person that would pick up the phone at any time. You knew that, you used that, you used me.”

“That's not tru—”

“Don’t! Don’t interrupt me, please.” He mumbled a fast apology. “Until today, I felt like you owed me something. But… “ I took my hand to my stomach, feeling sick all of a sudden. “It’s not your fault I had all these expectations.”

I said too much, too fast, and my stomach was aching, my mind was rushing and the world was spinning around me. Carlos then started talking but I couldn’t hear his voice clearly. I put the phone down on the step I was sitting on and leaned forward. The only thing I could see, besides the cobblestones and the pigeon that had come back, was Rio’s feet, rushing back to me.

“You okay?”

“Drunk as fuck,” I replied and, as an answer, I got a small chuckle from him.

I lay down my head on his shoulder, my eyes closing for mere seconds; the soft sensation of his lips against my hair made me open them again.

“Just please,” he paused and stroked my back gently, “please, don’t throw up in the uber.”

A tired chuckle managed to drag itself from my lips, an antithesis to my watery eyes and sick stomach. A car stopped in front of us and my brother’s firm embrace accompanied me there. Settling down on the too-hot and too-smelly car, I opened my eyes to collect the last image from that weekend: the first rays of sunshine dropping over the Santa Maria del Fiore Cathedral, its dome painted across the periwinkle sky, the lines of it experimental and incoherent due to the layer of tears that blurred my vision.

Next Chapter: 02.

_______

Hello there, soooo I hope you enjoy this. I’ve been writing Tightrope for like 5/6 months, now? It’s been a while, I know. I have a few chapters ready and I’m loving to write Eva and Carlos so much that I feel it’s time to share them with the world.  I’m thinking about doing weekly updates, maybe sunday nights? If I’m not talking to the void, you can give me your opinions on that.  Also, English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for eventual mistakes. 

All the love, Bru 🤍

[girlymatsu]

20? (First kiss)

WAAHH OK I had this partly written out a while ago and just decided to finish it for this prompt.. it’s a little bit of a downer in the beginning, hope it’s good!

“I mean… firsts aren’t too big of a deal! My first kiss wasn’t anything special at all!”

Erina waves her hand around, trying to casually comfort Osomatsu as he’s going through a childish drunken rant. They sit at a ramen bar and Erina is smiling at Osomatsu’s grumpy face leaning on his arms on the counter.

Silly Osomatsu waves his can of beer around lazily and in a bitter fashion, “Feh! Only popular socialites actually say that kinda stuff as a way to humble brag about all their experience— Have more pity on us little folk please!” Dramatically putting a hand on his chest as he laments.

“But it’s not like I’m popular or have that much experience really!” She really doesn’t, it’s really sad!

Osomatsu pouts. “You can’t say that when you’ve k-k-kissed before! Agh! Saying it is like damage inducing for virgins!” He leans so far back like he’s gonna fall over.

She playfully shoves him again for being so silly and dramatic.

“Noo really— It’s actually been so long, I don’t think it counts anymore!”

“Then who was your first kiss then huh Erina-Chan? An old boyfriend?” He squints at her with his brows furrowed leaning in close it makes her blush.

Erina gives a bit of an awkward smile as she’s fidgeting with her earring. Normally she wouldn’t talk about this to remain a little mysterious, but she wants to be honest with Osomatsu a little more. Let him in a little bit because she secretly does want him to be closer. “No! Nono haha— not at all, I’ve only ever had one boyfriend, and we weren’t together for very long, and we never kissed on the lips either..”

“Haah? who could you have kissed other than your boyfriend huh? Your friends? Randos?! Guys for money?!”

Erina widens her eyes and gives him an exasperated look, “Nonono!! Do you think I’m such a wild bad girl Osomatsu?” She tries to smile like she can take a joke, playfully shoving him like it didn’t hurt her at all that he would think that.

She might’ve been lucky or unlucky that Osomatsu couldn’t see her true emotions, he laughs off her reaction but she feels her fragile heart rattle a little. Does Osomatsu think she gets around often? Would it matter if she did? Does he think she’s so wild and alien like his brothers do and feel uncomfortable around her?

Erina sips at her drink even though she dislikes the taste of this beer, but it’s the one Ochomachu likes. They go their seperate ways amicably afterwards. Once becoming alone the noise in her head starts to come back.

When she had her first kiss, she was too little and naive to know better. Then when she grew up, she became an attention starved little monster. Maybe people would like her more if she was truly more pure-hearted. She walks along the road not realizing where she was going until she suddenly ended up home, just repeating “I’m not a bad girl… I’m not a bad girl…”

—

“Teach me how to kiss.”

“H-huh?”

The next day Osomatsu dropped in at her apartment without a prior notice. Erina sheepishly let him in, but she was just in her pajamas and didn’t have any makeup on. He takes up a lot of space on her small loveseat couch, their knees touch.

Osomatsu clears his throat, and he puts on a comically serious face. Erina doesn’t feel like he’s actually trying to make the mood less tense with his funny intense eyes.

“I need to kiss. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it the last time we talked about it— I’m kind of embarrassed to not have that experience at my age— As the eldest I have to be the first to kiss and hold hands with a girl!“ Osomatsu’s straight face breaks into a whine and shakes her shoulders. “You’re the only one I can count on Erina-chan!”

Erina can feel her whole face get warm and she feels so small when he towers over her like this. Small in a way she can’t help but like as a small animal.

“Ah… okay..! I’ll help you Osomatsu-kun..!”

-

It feels so warm…

Erina doesn’t remember her lips be this sensitive and tingly before. It’s so awkward, puckering and smacking her lips against his for longer than intended. She was so lost in the sensation that she forgot it was probably her job as the teacher to pull away. She can feel Osomatsu’s face all tense, and nervously she slowly backs up from him, guilty for losing herself in it.

Osomatsu’s eyes were still open, staring hard back at her when she opened her own eyes. Her face flushed even harder, “Was that okay..?”

Osomatsu opened his mouth to take a breath, it seems he wasn’t breathing that whole time. His gaze was unnerving and his lips quivering. Erina almost asks if something was wrong before he blurts out, “Again.”

“Again?”

She could barely reply more before his lips chase after hers again. Then it turned again, and again. Osomatsu was going to make sure Erina teaches him everything.

[gunilslaugh]

Rekindle Our Lost Friendship

Kim Jungsu

Summary: Your’s and Jungsu’s mother being best friends meant that you and Jungsu were set up to be best friends since birth, so how do you break the news that you two aren’t best friends anymore?

WC:~1.5k

Warning:grammar

photo not mine credit to owner.

Jungsu’s mom and your mom have been best friends since their high school days. They were maids of honor at each other’s weddings. Bought houses right next to one another. They were ecstatic when they fell pregnant around the same time, not being able to wait to raise their kids together. 

Jungsu was born one month before you, but the second you were born your worlds became one. You and Jungsu saw each other everyday, you grew up together. The two of you were meant to be lifelong friends. However it doesn’t look like that rang true. 

You and Jungsu started to drift apart in middle school. You didn’t really have classes together, so naturally you made other friends, falling into separate friend groups. Beginning to talk less and hang out less, spending time with your other friends instead. By the time high school rolled around you and Jungsu definitely weren’t best friends anymore, rather just friends. You still talked to each other and hung out, but it wasn’t like you used to. 

Currently you're sitting on the bed in Jungsu’s room the day after your high school graduation. The two of your families were having dinner together, a normal, frequent occurrence. Both of you were currently occupied by your phones.

“Jungsu, don't you think we should just tell them?” You set your phone down, sitting up straight on the bed.

“You want to be the one to break their hearts?” Jungsu states. 

“But we haven’t been best friends for a long time. Honestly even the word “friend” loosely describes us. How much longer do you want to lie to them?” You questioned. 

“Ok, you’re right. We’ve drifted away from one another and our friendship got lost somewhere in the middle, but you know what, we just graduated high school and have a few months before we go to college. Let’s rekindle that lost friendship. We have all summer, it’ll be fun. We can spend it together just like when we were kids. Ooh we can even go on a trip,” Jungsu says enthusiastically. 

“You really want to do all that then just be honest with them?” It seemed like Jungsu was very adamant about not telling your moms about your friendship or lack of friendship status. 

“Please just spend the summer with me. Don’t you miss how it was like when we were kids?” Jungsu quizzes. You do miss it. Whenever you look back on your childhood memories you feel sad about how you and Jungsu grew apart.

“I do miss when we were best friends,” you admitted.

“I do too, so let’s use this summer to get that back,” Jungsu declares. 

“What if we don’t?” You raised your doubt.

“You are being so pessimistic,” Jungsu scolds you then lets out a sigh. “If summer ends and we're still not friends again then we’ll tell our moms,” Jungsu says.

“Ok,” you agreed.

“Mom, does our aunt still have that beach house?” Jungsu asks, while you all are eating dinner.

“Yes she does, why?” His mom questions. 

“Y/n and I wanted to have a summer trip. One last bit of fun before going to college you know?” Jungsu answered. 

“Ooh yes you two totally should! I’ll call your aunt and set it up,” she says excitedly. “You remember the trip we did before college?” She asks your mom.

“Of course I do. We got lost while hiking and ended up meeting that cute ranger,” you mom gossiped. 

“Getting lost was totally worth it.” Jungsu’s mom and your mom broke out into a fit of giggles. 

The two of them talked like they were still teenagers. You looked over at Jungsu, you missed being like that with him. Jungsu looked at you too almost as if he was thinking the same thing. You two were gonna make the most out of this summer.

“You two be safe. Call us when you get there,” Jungsu’s mom tells you both, pulling you guys into a hug. After she pulls away your mom takes her turn hugging you two. 

“We will,” you tell them, loading the last of your stuff into the car. Jungsu and you got into the car and waved goodbye to your moms one last time before driving off. 

“How do you think our moms stay so close?” You asked, turning your head from looking out the window to look at Jungsu, who was driving.

“I think their friendship is just that strong,” Jungsu answered. He tapped his fingers on the wheel to the beat of the music. “Do you think if we had classes together in middle school then we wouldn't have drifted apart?” Jungsu inquires. 

“I don’t know. We’re still the ones who picked to hangout with our other friends over each other. Classes didn’t affect outside of school, yet we still didn’t pick each other,” you told. 

“I regret that,” Jungsu reveals. “Honestly in high school I really missed hanging out with you, but I didn’t know if you missed me too. Anytime I tried to approach you at school you seemed happy being with your other friends. Then at home…I didn’t know how to bring it up,” Jungsu disclosed.  The last sentence felt like a lie. 

“I missed you too Jungsu. At school I’d see you having fun with your friends and I’d remember that’d used to be me. I kinda felt like I had been replaced, so at home I kinda pushed you away. It’s not that you didn’t know how to bring it up, it’s because I was pushing you away,” you admitted. “I’m sorry, if I didn’t push you away we would still probably be best friends. It’s my fault we lost our friendship,” you owned up. Jungsu pulled the car over on the side of the road. 

“Y/n,” Jungsu turns to you. “It’s not entirely your fault. I could have talked to you. I could’ve held onto you. I let you push me away,” Jungsu recognized. “None of that matters now. We’re doing this trip to get our friendship back, so let’s just have fun,” Jungsu turns to a more positive side. You nodded in agreement.

“Let’s have fun,” you said. Jungsu begins to drive again. 

After arriving at the beach the two of you settled your things inside and called your mothers to let them know you got there safely.

“This place doesn’t look any different,” you noted.

“Almost as of time stood still here,” Jungsu remarked, looking around the house. “This is still here,” Jungsu stated. 

“What is?” You questioned walking over to him. It was the two of your initials carved into a wooden frame. “K.J + F/I. L/I” with the letters “BFFs” underneath them. You traced over them with your fingers. “This was a fun day”, you said, recalling the day you two carved your initials. 

“Yeah it was,” Jungsu places his hand beside yours, tracing the cravings as well. 

The next morning you and Jungsu headed out to the beach. Spreading out your towels and placing your other belongings on them. 

“Race you to the water,” Jungsu challenges you.

“You’re on,” you challenged him back. 

“3,2,1!” You shouted together and took off. “Ahh it’s freezing!” You hissed retreating as soon as your feet made contact with the icy water. Jungsu laughed at you.

“Ah come on. Don’t be a baby. You’ll get used to it,” He tells from where he stands, shin level deep in the water. You tentatively took a few steps past the shore line, standing ankle deep in the water.

“There,” you said. Jungsu gives you a certain look. “Jungsu no!” You shouted at him, starting to run away. He’s faster than you though. Easily catching you and lifting you by your waist. He throws you into the freezing water. “You’re so dead,” you tell him. Jungsu only laughs. You get up, your clothes now completely soaked. Jungsu sees the glare in your eyes and now he’s the one who’s running away. You eventually catch up to him pulling him into the water. Laughter emits from both of you as you splash each other. You and Jungsu made your way back up shore to dry off. 

During the night you and Jungsu were using the fire pit in the backyard to make smores. 

“I think this is gonna be a really good summer,” you proclaim, taking a bite of your smore. 

“Me too,” Jungsu agrees.

A good summer it was. It might be your favorite summer actually. Yours and Jungsu’s friendship rekindled like it was never gone. The summer felt too short. You were returning home to pack for college in no time. 

“We missed you two so much!” Your moms chimed upon yours and Jungsu’s arrival back home.

“Did you guys have fun?” Your mom asked, taking some of your bags. You and Jungsu looked at one another. 

“Most fun ever,” Jungsu answered, slinging his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. You naturally leaned into him.

“Couldn’t have been better,” you smiled, again you and Jungsu exchanged looks. 

“Let’s get inside I’m sure you two are hungry,” his mom gestures for you both to go inside.

“Told you they’d work it out,” your mom nudges Jungsu’s mom as they watch you two enter the house.

[lovelyrocker]

What He Didn't Do

The pounding on Y/N’s front door grew louder as she walked through her tiny one bedroom Manhattan apartment. When she opened the door she saw Timothee standing there with papers in his hand and an annoyed look on his face.

“What the fuck is this?!” He snapped while walking past her into her home.

“Hi, how are you?” She said sarcastically, letting the door shut behind him.

“Divorce papers?!” He all but shouted. “Seriously?!” He tossed the papers onto the counter. “I’ve indulged in your little game long enough! You wanted to separate for a while and we did! You wanted to get your own place and you did! Now you need to stop this bullshit, call this off and come home!”

“No.” She said simply.

“Y/N, you’ve proved your point.” He said more calmly. “You said you were gonna leave and I didn’t believe you. You proved me wrong. Jokes on me. Now stop it.”

“Tim, I told you I planned on filing months ago. Stop acting like it’s such a surprise.”

“I didn’t think you were going to actually do it!”

“Why not!?” Y/N snapped back.

“Because I love you!”

“You love me?!” She laughed. “That’s a good one, Tim!”

“I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t love you! I wouldn’t have fought for you if I didn’t love you!”

“Fought for me!” She stepped closer to him. “You refused to go to marriage counseling! You were constantly gone! Even when you were home you weren’t there! You never listened to me, you always did what you wanted no matter what I thought or felt! All we do is fight and yell at eachother! Even now, look at us!”

“I can fix it.” He said with sorrowful eyes. “I can do better. Let me fix it. Just give me-”

“No, Tim.” She said sternly. “You always say you’re gonna do better and that you will try and you always fall back into the same routine a month later. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Y/N, I gave you everything.” He stepped closer to her. “I gave you everything you’ve wanted. You’ve never had to ask for anything or want for anything.”

“No, Tim.” She shook her head with a gentle smile. “No, you didn’t give me everything I wanted.”

“How can you say that? I-”

“Were you there when I got my job promotion? No, you were in Milan for some fashion show you accepted at the last minute. Were you with me when I went out to celebrate my birthday? No, you were with friends in Paris…for the third year in the row. When I would lay awake I night wanting you to be with me where were you? Out with friends in some club. You bought a house without even talking to me about it. It didn’t bother you when a guy asked me out right in front you, you brushed it off. You flirt with random girls and touch on them like I’m not there or like I wouldn’t see it on the internet the next day. You didn't even bother to come home from your trip to Aspen when I had a miscarriage, Timothee.” She fought back the tears that were rising in her eyes. “I am already alone. We aren’t together and haven’t been for a long time. I wanted you, Tim and no you didn’t give me that.”

“Please.” Timothee begged, tears starting to fall. “Y/N-”

“No, Tim. It’s too late for all of that. You weren’t there when I laid awake at night crying for hours wondering what I did wrong that you weren’t there. I am not blaming myself anymore. You lied to me.” His face twisted with questions. “You stood up and promised to love me and be there and you lied. You weren't there. You left me alone all the time and when I needed you most you were gone.” She wiped the one rouge tear that fell from her eye. “But I will say thank you. Because that whole time I sat there and wished more than anything that you would just come home and be there, you showed me I could do it all without you. That I didn’t need you like I thought I did. I wanted you, I didn’t need you. But that wasn’t enough for you.” She walked over to the counter and picked up the papers. She went to Timothee and held them out to him. “I won’t say a thing to anybody. I’ve never talked about this to a soul and I don’t plan to. My private life is mine. I’ve already signed mine.” 

Timothee took the papers and nodded with tears still falling. “You’ve- you’re already set in this aren’t you?” He looked up at her. “You’ve already moved on and are over it.”

“I’m on my way to be.”

Timothee gave another nod as the realization continued to set into him. He paused at the now open door and looked back at her. “I’m sorry for what I did.”

“It wasn’t what you did, Tim. It’s what you didn’t do.”

[arandombiped]

gonna get a little personal on this one, so I’m putting it under the cut

it’s a bit of a play on one post I saw forever ago that was kinda like “at least I’m not 14” also! If you can help me find that post I would love to give credit where credits due. This is kind of my long rant on how i survived being 14

(ALSO!! cw/tw for covid/pandemic, sh and sui ideation)

I saw something once that said something along the lines of “life is hell right now, but at least I’m not 14.” Not in a way to diss 14 year olds (or anyone who is a teenager), but as a way of saying, “being 14 sucked.”

when I was 14, I struggled with passive suicidal ideation. I would often count the days between times I would sh to keep a streak. I was trying my hardest to want to keep going. I had very recently realized I was queer, and my life as I knew it had already been thrown out the window by Covid. Because when I was 13, I was ready for life to be over. I had tried asking for help from my parents, but I was told I was “too young” to be depressed. My world was falling apart, and I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

being 14 sucks. You’re stuck between being a kid and being an adult. you have 4 years until you can make the Big Decisions and be independent, but you have to survive that long. You’re just trying to figure out what’s going on. And also pre-algebra got thrown in the mix somewhere just for some extra spice.

Let me offer an honest ounce of hope. I am 17. I have less than 6 months until I am an adult. It gets better.

My parents didn’t take me seriously, but guess who did? I did. I talked with school counselors until I could convince my parents that therapy could help. Barely anyone was there for me when I started exploring my sexuality and identity in general, so you know what I did? I got a TrevorSpace account. I found my first online family. My friends didn’t know how to handle queerness in their lives, so you know what I did? I taught them. If they didn’t accept it? They were no longer allowed to be invasive of my generosity.

A lot of this is work, and I know it’s hard and it’s stressful and it’s vulnerable. But I got to know myself, and I grew to like them quite a bit.

If you are 14, stuck in a rut, or otherwise just here, know this: it gets better. Take a minute to see the person you are. Think of all the things you want to do. Nothing coming to mind? That’s fine too. After working a couple of jobs, I’ve realized a lot of people (even adults!) have no idea what’s going on. Most of us are making it up as we go.

My best advice? Let time pass. So far, you have a 100% survival rate, and I strongly believe you can keep that up. Gravitate towards what makes you happy. Pick up whatever hobby, drop it in a month (or a week), buy a fun snack, wear whatever clothes, cuddle a plushie, find a neat fandom, try out new pronouns, date whoever, don’t date anyone, get a new name, whatever floats your goat. The pain wants to last, and it might stay around for a while. Hell, I still have days where I think I’m better off dead. But as Cave Johnson once wisely said,

“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who’s gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!”

all that to say, life is worth living. You are worthy of life. Even if you don’t think you are, well, you’re here anyway and you might as well combust some lemons. You deserve love and care and support. Not everyone is going to give it to you, and some people are going to make things worse. But you really gotta get mad. Life isn’t fair. So scream your lungs out and cry and crawl your way through and just generally be mad about it until you can make it fair. Because one day you will be able to. (I, personally, will be doing a lot more social justice work once I’m not in a conservative household. I’ll probably dye my hair ten million colors and get my relatives mad at me, but what do I care? They won’t get to have an opinion once I’m older.)

Being 14 sucks sometimes, so you have to make it to 15. then 16. then 17. then 18. fight your way there, then you can do anything.

Stay alive. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep going. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. It’s so worth it.

Sincerely, 17

[blueeyes-crystalskies]

‪12/2/19, 7:20 PM ‬

(Five years ago now)

‪I guess this whole time it’s just kind of felt like, “what the fuck is the point?” because I had a good life. I had a good support system. I had my mom, and my dad, and my sister, and my dog and I didn’t really care about anybody else. I used to feel like I had a best friend who understood me, but then she grew up and became a different person and stopped trying to understand me so she could start to understand herself. Which is fair, I guess. Except she stopped even asking me about me and started talking over me. It’s okay to dive deeper into yourself, as long as you don’t reflect that on the outside, too. As long as you share some air with people around you. ‬

‪Anyways. When it’s the holidays and everybody is home, I feel so full. Like I have everything I need. My mom takes care of us because she’s an angel and I really don’t have to do anything for myself besides basic grooming. She plans out our days. She feeds us. I tag along with whatever somebody else is doing. I don’t even have to fucking think for myself. ‬

‪And I know that’s wrong and I know I shouldn’t let her take care of me like that, but holy shit it feels so fucking good to be taken care of. I cannot stress enough how hard it is to even feed myself. I don’t know how everybody does it. I don’t know where they get the energy. ‬

‪And then I go back to my apartment and the ripped siding by my window scratches against my wall and keeps me up all night. There’s no coffee in the cupboard. There’s some food, but nothing good. Nothing I haven’t already made for myself a hundred times. When you’ve eaten the same thing a hundred times in a row, what’s even the point? I’d rather not even eat. Which I don’t. ‬

‪And then you also realize there’s no one around you to fill the silence. No one in the morning. No one to share the bathroom with. No one to accompany you on the ride to school. There’s people in your classes, but you feel alone anyways. ‬

‪I don’t like my friends. I don’t talk to my friends. And when I do, I feel deeply ashamed. When I do it’s just complaints and I hate myself more for complaining. ‬

‪I don’t see them outside of school because I want to push them away. My roommate is never home. We haven’t really spoken in three months and I’ve known her my entire life. We were so close last year. Now it’s just really quiet. Everything is so, so quiet. ‬

‪I feel like I’ve already lived a full life. The life I wanted. I don’t want to go off on my own anymore. I don’t want to fall in love because at this point I don’t think that exists for me. I can’t even keep a single friend that I like. ‬

‪I feel whole and real when I’m home with my family. Maybe not all the way full, but more than when I’m alone. I feel like I belong to something. And now we’re all getting old and my sister is in another state with her boyfriend and my dog will probably die soon. I haven’t known a father figure in my family that’s lived past sixty years old. Our house won’t always be there. ‬

‪What I’m afraid of most is the one person I really love leaving this earth. The one person who helped me through the hardest times in my life, who takes care of me without giving me reason to feel remorse. Who loves me unconditionally and will always love me unconditionally. My best friend in the entire world. I know she won’t be around forever. Being with her feels like being next to a ticking time bomb. That’s not fair to her. Though none of this is. ‬

‪I can pretend these wounds are healing with time and I can write about them a million more times but I don’t think this will ever change. Maybe in four days I’ll feel better for a little while again but what about after Christmas? What about next semester? What about after graduation? What about the rest of my life? ‬

‪Where does this leave me? When all of this is actually gone for good, what does that make me? Everything I love the most is so impermanent. And that’s so unfair. ‬

‪Each day takes me further and further away from the person I was. I know I wasn’t happy then either, but at least I was safe. At least I knew what was coming the next day and the next and I knew I’d never have to go through it alone. ‬

‪I just don’t know anymore. I just don’t know…

[livisnotlee]

Well, it’s July…

I don’t usually get overly personal or sentimental on here anymore but I wanted to make an exception this time.

This is going to be an appreciation post for my best friend: @demeterdownunder (As well as for everyone I’ve met in the sfw tk community)

I won’t say his actual name for privacy, so in this post I’ll call him Dimitri.

Bring your tissues and your popcorn, this is going to be a long one.

Hey there bud.

I met you over a year ago now. It’s crazy how time flies huh?

When we first crossed paths I was going through hell.

Di (my grandma) had recently passed away, and I was just broken up with by the person who I thought was going to be there for me no matter what.

If it were not for you gathering up the courage on that discord server to ask me if we could be friends, I don’t think we would be talking today.

You didn’t know it yet, but meeting you… it probably saved my life.

We instantly hit it off, calling and texting almost every night. I still remember how nervous you sounded that first time I heard your voice, and the way you exploded with happiness when we worked out that we both lived in Australia.

Finally. Someone else in the community from our own damn country.

As I learned to trust you more, and you let me in, we formed a small group of friends that would become like a second family to us all.

At first it was you, me, @pixliidraws, and @willthelee, but then it grew with @bearlee-giggling, @altheadajoysoul, Pix and Auggie’s partner, @the-gingerbread-lee, and my wonderful girlfriend (happy 4 month anniversary babe!) who’s name I will keep anonymous for privacy reasons. We made a little home together, a chaotic family if you will (roll credits).

These people became my closest friends, my family.

We spent so much time together on call, laughing, playing games, teasing each other, sharing our best and worst days.

We bonded over extreme stress and heartache, an event this time last year that ultimately cemented our friendship.

I won’t go into the details of this as it would we are all processing it in different ways, but I will say that I am glad that I chose these people to stick by, because there is two sides to every story and you shouldn’t let lies on the internet interfere with the real, deep, and posssibly life-long connections you make with those in your community.

Dimitri, you know more than anyone how important it is to ask for help, and to learn to rely upon those around you for support when and if you need it.

Without your support and unconditional love, I would not be the person I am today.

You were there when my whole world was falling apart. You were there when the memories seemed too difficult to bare. You were there to help guide me through, to help me process things that I would have never faced on my own.

When it comes to helping those you care about, you have an unshakable sense of bravery and compassion. You are our rock.

I was there for you too. Staying up with you into the early hours of the morning to talk about everything and anything that was on our minds. Pouring out our hearts to eachother and never shying away from even the most terrifying and depressing subjects.

We knew we needed to be real with eachother, that rather than toxic positivity and conflict avoidance, we needed honesty and tough love to get us through. And above all we needed hope.

We made a promise to eachother one day; that no matter what happens, nothing will ever permanently keep us apart. We promised eachother that one day we would meet up, and that we would be able to hug eachother in real life instead of from over a screen.

And meet up we did… twice.

It was like being reunited with the long lost sibling that you never knew you had.

After getting over the initial shock and poking eachother just to make sure we were real, it just clicked.

Everything felt so natural by your side. We held hands like we had done it a million times before. We explored Sydney and Canberra, walking for hours on end without getting tired. We became closer than we had ever been before.

Leaving was awful. It felt like loosing you all over again. It didn’t feel the same. I wanted to hold your hand and hug you the way I did so many times that week. You became part of me.

It got easier with time. Knowing that you were only a call away, that I could text you and hear your voice whenever I wanted, even if you weren’t there with me physically. I knew you would be by my side again soon. Though it hurt like hell, I knew it was worth it.

You introduced me to a song that I played on repeat whenever I was feeling sad. ‘We’ll meet again’ by Vera Lynn. I think the lyrics speak for themselves.

After the closing of the second time all those months later, we were at peace. We had discovered just how close you can feel to someone, while never doubting for a second it was platonic. It felt safe. If it’s possible to have platonic soulmates then that’s what we are. We were able to love eachother deeply without taking away any romantic love that we had for our respective partners.

If I had to do it all again I would in a heartbeat. And there is no one else I would rather do it with than you.

I am so excited to meet up with you again! To have you stay with me and show you my home town, the place I grew up. Remembering that every time that you have to leave, is one step closer to you never having to leave again.

One day if we choose, we will be able to move in together. To go travelling, and meet all our friends over in America. And to be there for eachother physically whenever we need it.

But for now let’s focus on getting through it one day at a time.

1 more week.

This time next week we will be together already.

You will get to see my family, my cats, my town.

You’ll get to have a break from everything and just breathe.

It’s going to be okay.

It’s all going to be worth it.

While I could keep talking about you forever, I think it’s best I end it off here. There are a million other things I would like to say but I’m sure you know them already.

Dimitri, my brother, my confidant, my best friend.

Thank you for everything. I love you just as much as any younger sister could ever love their older sibling. You mean the whole world to me and that is why i’m writing this, because want the whole internet to know it.

I’m not really sure how to end this properly after all that, honestly the last half an hour writing this has just been a blur. But when have you ever been one for formalities anyway hahah.

I’ll see you when you inevitably come flustered in my DMs 5 minutes after you see this, keyboard smashing in happiness like the dork you are.

I’ll always be here for you mate, and so will the rest of the chaos fam.

Take care, and I’ll be with you soon.

-Liv 💖

[xavonvilski]

A small crowd spread apart like gum up as Halu boomed- “Go sit in the living room if you want to play”-they began to gather in the living room like rats to cheese-slumping onto the couches-sighing as drinks began to finish up.

The music lessened as a large number of people grew like wall flowers, clinging onto some of their friends and needing to puke their guts out as Halu began to go around taking their empty dishes that were not being used anymore-grimacing at the sight, but she bit back the bile that was rising up her throat-she smiled as she went around collecting.

Her arms grew wary as she moved across the room, her legs slowing down as she continued to pile up the empty dishes on top of each other, watching as they continued to pile up, her breath growing heavy as her arms sunk lower until she practically got onto one knee on the floor, still holding the dishes as she tried to breathe.

“Hey Halu, you need some help?” One piped up, sipping onto their drink as they watched her fall, chuckling and nearing her.

“No, I’m fine, thank you.” She swallowed-YOU LOOK PITIFUL-she stood, continuing to pile dishes on top of her, watching as the tower- which stood well over a few inches above her head-wobbled, with a squeak, she stilled and he took half of the pile, leading her to the kitchen and putting it down into the sink.

“Thanks, Nat-” She squealed, stumbling back and feeling her crop top being pulled- NONONONONONONO PLEASE NOT HERE-

She stilled-her usual flight or fight response-before a not-so familiar voice whispered into her ear, insisting her to follow her-

“They’re getting out of control, it’s in the backyard.”

She turned her head-a tall brunette-sucked in a breath through gritted teeth before biting her lip, her eyes searching hers before nodding with a small mental sigh, picking herself up and following the woman who magnetised to a crowd cheering that were near the water. Halu followed.

Her glare thickened, watching the two drunkenly argue and throw fists before her voice boomed across the crowd:

“What the fuck is this?! Are you serious?” Her rambling went on as she scolded them for a full eight minutes before grabbing Joshua and dragging him away after they’d scoffed at her remarks, leading them inside before feeling a slump in her shoulder-he’d blacked out.

She groaned-twisting her wrist around before she picked up this joke of a man one-handedly and tucking him.

.

.

.

Slumping into a cushioned seat surrounding the table, she settled in after having laid the game out, going over the rules with a tiny smile on her face as laughter filled the room, hurrying Halu up.

“I’m trying, hold on!” She felt a hand sink onto her shoulder-her heartbeat flatlining as a heavy breath soothed her ear:

“Can we talk? Please?”

RUNRUNRUNRUN

The desperation in his familiar voice melted her walls as she looked up-THIS WAS EASY, JUST SAY-before being met with puppy eyes that crumbled her frustrated expression, her eyes searching his before she excused herself from the table. “I’ll be back, just read the rest!”

Why are you following him? GO BACK.

I can’t.

She felt his hand take her own in his firm palm, leading her out by the pool.

“What are you doing here, Chris?”

“No, what are YOU doing here, this is dangerous.”

Dangerous? You’re the danger.

“I don’t see a problem with it.” She shrugged his hand off, averting her gaze to the dark water as she pinched at her thigh

He grabbed at the hemline of her skirt, pulling it up “You really like this, huh?”

Shivers ran up her spine as she let his actions unfold before slapping the greedy hand away, his angered expression sparking his face as she crossed her arms.

“What do you want, Chris.” She demanded, glancing down at the bulge from the side of his pants.

“Mia Cara..” He neared, her breath growing shallow as her heart drummed as the sirens in her head blared “I want you..”

She felt his thumb graze her bottom lip, making her a whining mess.

YOU KNOW BETTER.

RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN.

PLEASERUN.

She pulled back “Well, I don’t, so stop trying to win me back.”

His nostrils flared as he grasped her wrist, tugging her forward “It’s not safe for you here, come home.”