#but that doesnt mean we should just give up on keeping things from getting worse in the meantime!

[lazorsandparadox]

The us government is going to do shitty things whether theres a democrat or a republican in the presidency or controlling the senate, but one of those options will do it a lot worse AND roll back all the good policy changes weve gotten in the last 4 years, which will result in people like me suddenly being unable to afford a lot of their basic necessities.

sorry but i want to hit every american talking about not wanting to vote democrat anymore with hammers. lol

[xxkissesforchanniexx]

𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐎𝐧𝐞

Pairing: childhood bff!Chan x fem!reader (non-idol au) Word count: 3.4k Genre: Fluff 🥰💖, Smut 🔥❤️ (angst if you squint) Warning: Weddings... (lord help me), pro best friend chan, mentions of familial favoritism, semi rough sex? , soft dom!chan, sweet name calling(babygirl, princess), slightly jealous chan, comfort, lord someone teach me how to make better warnings, i think thats all? (someone needs to teach me to proof read.)

A/N: THANK YOU FOR 100 FOLLOWERS I LOVE YOU <3 I'm working on improving the formating of my works so >.> bare with me if some of the stuff doesnt translate over well on different devices, especially the text message part >.>

When you were young, you often got compared to your sister, your sister who loved pink and poodles and tutu skirts. She was younger than you by a year and yet, she always out did you, always was a step ahead, always beating you in everything. Yeah, you loved her, but the pain of comparison drove a wedge between you two.

You were 5 when you met Chan. He was very silly, always playing games and smiling, you happened to attend the same school and after he stood up for you against an older boy at the park you two were inseparable.

Chan, who sang for you. Chan, who shared his food with you. Chan, who taught you how to dance. Chan, who teased you for acting like a nerd. Chan, who was your best friend.

Chan was sitting on the couch in your apartment, watching a cringey romantic comedy with you when your phone rang. You gave it a glance and cringed, your grandmother's name appeared on the screen with a image of the woman with an almost plastic smile.

"You should probably answer." Chan said, "Would make it worse if you didn't."

You gave your best friend a side eye. "Nah really?"

He laughed lightly as you answered the phone.

"Hi, honey, you are joining us this year for the whole family get-together aren't you?" The old woman's voice came through the speaker to your ear.

"Of course Grandma-" You started.

"That's what you said last year, and you didn't come."

You made a face, the reason you hadn't gone was because you were sick. "Things happen Grandma."

"And the year before that?"

You pursed your lips, glancing at Chan. You weren't avoiding your family really you were just... avoiding the conflict that ensued when you were with your family. And by conflict you meant the constant onslaught of questions and disappointed looks you got whenever your family asked about anything you were doing with your life.

"And anyway, it's been so long since we've heard from you, we want to see how you've been, keep the family together, bring new people in along the way." Your grandma sounded so happy.

"What do you mean?" You were confused by the "bring new people".

"Oh dear. Did your sister not tell you?" Your grandma sighed, "She has a surprise for us this year."

You sighed. Your little sister always was one better than you, or two, or ten...

"Y/n?" Your grandma's voice brought you out of your daze and Chan leaned forward looking at your face.

"I'll be there this year grandma, I promise."

"Alright. Bye bye honey."

"Bye..." You said in a small voice hanging up.

Chan smiled slightly at you. "So?"

"Help."

His eyes widened slightly before darting around. "You know I really would if I could read minds but it's awfully sad I cant."

You rolled your eyes at the man. "My family dislikes everything I do."

"And?" Chan leaned back, raising a brow.

"They don't dislike you."

"What are you trying to do here?"

You clasped your hands and gave your best friend the most innocent pure pleading gaze. "Come with me, so they won't hate on me."

Chan made a face. "No-"

"I'll pay for the wifi in your apartment for the next two- four months." You grabbed your friend's big hands in yours, "Please!"

"Just because they don't hate me doesn't mean they won't hate on you." Chan said exasperated.

"BUT they'll find someone to compare to you so I won't have to be put down by this." You give him a pleading look.

"Y/n. I've done a lot of dum shit before this is my limit."

"Channie!" You begged. "Come on! I'll pay your netflix subscription too!"

Chan groaned. "Fine! You're making me feel guilty."

"AH! You're the best Chan." You smiled hugging you friend.

He rolled his eyes and patted your hair. "You're lucky netflix is expensive."

So there you were dinner, with your family, your grandmother quick to jump and compliment Chan and compare your father and uncles to him when they were his age. Everyone complimenting your sister and asking her what the big news was. Your dad looked about ready to leave when your younger sister stood. tapping her spoon against her glass gently.

You looked at her, she smiled at you, a smile you couldn't read.

"I have a big announcement to make." She looked at her boyfriend. "Well.. we have a big announcement to make."

"What is it dear?" Your mother asked.

"We're getting married!" Your little sister jumped and smiled. Everyone started clapping.

The initial excitement and congratulations ended, leaving a gently chattering at the table.

Cue your grandmother.

"Y/n dear, what about you?"

Silence.

Everyone looked at you.

Your sister sighed slightly. "Granny, you can't pester her. Give her time, she might get married before 40."

A soft laugh rippled over the table, you stared at your little sister. She smiled innocently, your fist clenched under the table. So what if she was younger and prettier and more successful. You made a move to excuse yourself but Chan grabbed your fist under the table, you relaxed your grip and his fingers slipped between yours and squeezed gently. Your heart skipped a beat and you looked up at your best friend, smiling.

Her Majesty the Queen 01:53 She was obviously out to get you.

Butt Hunter 01:53 I agree

🐶 01:54 Go to the wedding in white.

Baby Chick 01:54 💀

. Me 01:54 I'm NOT going to my sister's wedding in white!

Beanie boy 01:54 He's giving real solutions here.

Squirrel 01:55 Just don't go?

Bread. 01:55 All you do is avoid conflict.

Squirrel 01:55 NO I DONT

Noodle Spirit Survivor. 01:56 shut up. it's 2 in the fucking morning.

. Me 01:56 Sorry Chan, we'll shut up now.

Beanie boy 01:56 Erm actually it's 1:56 AM

🐶 01:56 It's called silent old man.

Bread. 01:56 LMFAO

Baby Chick 01:56 LOL

Butt Hunter 01:56 I don't think his phone box has a silent button.

Squirrel 01:57 😭

Her Majesty the Queen 01:57 💀

You put your phone down and picked up the invitation to your sister's wedding, 4 months... all you had was 4 months to get someone to go to the wedding with. You sighed, going to the app store and downloaded for the nth time, tinder. Cringing.

You had four months to at least meet some expectations, get a nice guy for maybe a month or two, ask him to be your plus one to your sister's wedding then what? You shrugged to yourself and shoved your phone under your pillow before going to sleep.

Chan realized he was screwed, he watched you get ready for another date.

"Honestly." You sighed sitting down to put on your makeup. "I might just go with a random guy. Or maybe I could take Hyunjin or Jisung."

He pursed his lips. Was he even an option for you? What made this guy from tinder so important you had to doll yourself up to go see him. Chan bit his lip, you were his best friend, he could fix the problem, he could be your plus one, he could ask. but he didn't. He was too scared to.

He remembered his conversation with Changbin and Minho a few days earlier. Maybe he was being too much of a pussy. He'd known you for ages, he knew how you liked your coffee and the music that calmed you down, he knew what part in silly romance movies made you cry, he knew when you were uncomfortable and when you were too angry to speak.

"If you keep beating around the bush with how you feel you might never get a chance."

Changbin's words rang in his ears and he bit his lip.

"Y/n what if-" He started.

The doorbell rang as you finished applying your lip stick. "Oh, I gotta go Channie." You stood and hugged him. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck." Chan gave you a small smile and the moment you were out the door he was cursing himself for not stopping you. "Damnit."

Chan wished he hadn't wished you luck. You and Seokmin, your date, apparently hit it off. For the next two and a half weeks Chan felt like a third wheel in his own friendship with you, if you weren't on the phone with Seokmin, you were texting him, and if you weren't texting him, you were talking about him.

It really came to a head when Hyunjin invited the entirety of the group chat to go out for karaoke and you were busy with Seokmin the day off.

It hand't really been his intention to show up at your place angry, just the thought of you not just ghosting him but the whole friend group. He knocked a few times. no response.

Chan knocked again. he still got no response. Sure the key in the dirt of the potted plant hanging under the sign of your apartment number was for emergencies only, but this was an emergency. (to him anyway.)

Chan opened the door and entered your apartment, expecting to hear lewd sounds or... what else was he really expecting. But as he approached your door his heart ached. It wasn't a sound he heard often from you but it was one he could recognize any day. Chan pushed the door open slowly. You sat on your bed, hugging a pillow, eyes red and puffy, tears streaking your face, you didn't notice him until he closed the door gently behind himself.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

You quickly wiped your tears. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

Chan sighed. "Come here." He sat on the bed and opened his arms.

You leaned into him muttering, "Seokmin is a dumass."

"What happened?" Chan asked, rubbing your shoulder gently.

"He blocked me." You sniffed. "Out of the fucking blue."

Chan hummed softly. "His loss."

You looked up at your friend, "You're so dum."

"Nuh uh, I think I'm pretty smart princess." Chan smiled gently.

"I don't think so." You laughed softly.

He looked down at you. "'M smart enough to stay your friend."

You nod slightly, "I stayed attached to you at the hip is more like it."

"Didn't have a problem with it."

"Chan." You rubbed your friend's arm.

"Hm?"

"Go with me."

"Where?" he asked dumbly.

You sat up and flicked his forehead. "You know where."

"I don't get anything out of it." He rubbed his forehead.

"I'll uh..."

"Worry about it later." He huffed and stood, smoothing your hair. "Should we get (comfort food)?"

"I was wondering when you'd ask." You punched him softly and led the way out of your room.

The day of the wedding you were wearing a long pastel blue dress, and Chan a matching suit, it wasn't the first time you'd matched with your best friend, but this felt more special. Your grandmother and parents gave you side ways glances during the wedding procession, and once the reception had started so did your grandma's vulture like flocking.

"Y/N i really thought you would've come with someone other than Chan, maybe your sister was right you just need time." the old woman sighed.

You sucked in a breathe but Chan grabbed your hand under the table, his words making you freeze, "Is there a problem with me attending as her boyfriend?"

You turned to Chan and he squeezed your hand as if urging you to play along.

Your grandmother looked at you stunned. "What? Since when?"

"The dinner really opened my eyes, maybe guys don't approacher because I'm around, I do look like her boyfriend don't I?" He glanced at you, "Why not give it a shot?"

Your family must have heard your grandmother's cry because your mother and father came over a few moments later and you watched as Chan worked his charm, a mask on his face the entirety of the time.

Your sister looked between you and Chan, blinking quite a bit. As your parents congratulated you on not being single for the first time, you felt like you out did your sister, you looked at Chan, he smiled gently at you and your heart jumped.

After a lot of drinks and cake you decided it was time to head home.(Chan had to drag you out.)

The ride back to your apartment was quiet, you were too buzzed to speak and Chan was focused on driving.

Chan smiled softly, glancing at you. "Wasn't so bad was it?"

You took a moment before you spoke. "Did you mean what you said?"

Chan's brows furrowed, "About what?"

"Did you actually think of me like that after the dinner?" You looked at him.

Chan sucked a breath, squeezing the wheel. "Would you believe me if I said yes."

"I don't have a reason not to."

Chan pulled off the highway onto the smaller road that lead through the city and to your apartment.

"Well?" You asked.

Chan bit his lip and nodded. "I meant what I said."

You remained quiet until he pulled into your apartment complex. And even after he got you into your apartment. You stood there, looking at... Chan. Chan who knew you better than you knew yourself, Chan who always calmed you down, Chan who got angry for you, Chan who bought you food when you were sad and held you until you grew tired of it(you never did you never could), Chan your...

"You meant it?" You were completely sober now, picking up the conversation as if you hadn't been silent for the past half hour.

Chan nodded.

"Is that all there is to it?"

"No." he breathed, stepping closer to you.

"Tell me. What else?" You asked quietly.

"How do I even begin?" He laughed slightly. "I'm sorry-"

"Why are you apologizing?" You looked at him confused.

"For not telling you how I felt from the get go." he smiled, "If there's anything that makes me sleep at night it's you, if there's any place I feel safe it's with you. You make me more happy than I can describe with words alone, there isn't another person I'd be with in any life." He reached and caressed your cheek. "I wanted to fight myself when I let you go out with Seokmin. I want you, I need you, I..." He paused, scanning your face for a signal, any sign to keep going.

"You're going to shut up now when you're at the climax of your speech?" You laughed slightly.

He smiled and rolled his eyes, "I love you. I always have."

"You're really an idiot." You kissed him gently.

Chan blinked in shock. "I-"

You smiled, proud of yourself. "Now-"

Chan grabbed your face and pressed his lips to yours again, you stared for a moment before relaxing into the kiss wrapping your arms around his neck. His tongue fighting yours before he pushed into your mouth to taste you, biting your lip gently.

"Wanted to do that for so long." He breathed against your lips, pulling away slowly.

You grabbed his collar. "If you don't finish what you started I will."

Chan's eyes widened and a smirk grew on his face. He kissed you again and his hand moved to the back of your dress. "May I, princess?"

"You may." You giggled as he removed the dress and your made quick work of his buttons before he shrugged off the jacket and shirt, picking you up and carrying you to the bed.

You squeaked as he threw you onto the bed and got on top you. "Nervous?" he asked laughing lightly.

"No... Of course not." You said looking away.

He smiled and turned your head to face him kissing you passionately before he moved to suck a dark mark just next to your jaw. "So pretty, just for me."

You gasped softly and nodded. "Just for you Channie." Chan continued his assault on your neck before removing your bra and smiling at your chest, he kissed your lips gently. "This is my favorite part of you," He moved to kiss your chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth and biting gently, relishing in the cry that escaped your lips, "But this is second best."

You blushed, "Stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" Chan chuckled against your right breast, pinching the left.

"You-"

"Huh?" He kissed down your belly and bit hard beside your belly button.

"Ow-" You gasped and grabbed his hair.

"Gotta make sure they know you're taken if you wear a crop top." he murmured and moved lower kissing your thigh and pulling your legs apart. "This is mine hm? I think I waited for it long enough." He kissed your thigh before pulling your pantie off. He tossed it haphazardly over his shoulder. He took amount to admire you and you shifted slightly.

"Channie. You're staring." You muttered.

"That a problem princess?"

"Pervert." You rolled your eyes as Chan tugged you to the edge fo the bed.

He rubbed your clit with his thumb applying just enough pressure to make you moan, he smiled. "That feel good?"

You nodded, panting.

"Use your words." He said rubbing your clit a bit faster.

You moaned and tried to move away but his hand came to hold you down. "No, no."

You blushed, "Meanie."

He smirked kissing your belly before slipping a finger into you. You moan as your wall clenched around his digit, he moved it in and out slowly, thumb still working at your clit.

You gasped and bit your lip as he pushed another finger into you. He paused looking at you.

"What?" You tried to move for friction but he held you down.

"I want to hear you."

You blushed furiously, eyes wide.

Chan laughed lightly and started fingering you again, his middle and ring finger curling to find your g-spot.

You let out a loud cry and Chan smiled, he moved to kiss you, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth, he started grinding his palm into your clit as his fingers moved deeper. You moaned into the kiss and squealed, legs kicking slightly. Chan slid a third finger into you and you squirmed.

"It's too much!" You whined.

"I think you can take it." He said kissing your neck, "Just a little bit more, princess, wanna feel you cum on my hand."

You moaned louder as he pinched your nipple, sucking on the other one. You gasped as he started grinding his tented crotch against your thigh.

"Are you going to cum for me?" he cooed into your ear. "Cum for me, please, princess."

You moaned loudly as you came hard on Chan's hand.

He hummed and lifted his fingers to his mouth, licking them clean before leaning to kiss you. "You taste good babygirl." He stood to remove his pants letting them fall to the floor.

You moaned at the lewdness of the action as Chan moved between your legs, tapping his cock against your clit.

"I'm gonna make you feel good, make you mine." He said, his voice thick with lust.

You bit your lip and nodded. "Please. "

Chan smiled kissing you gently as he pushed into you.

A throaty moan erupted from your throat and Chan groaned. "Sound so pretty," He pulled out slowly and pushed in deeply, you cried out at the slight burn. "I'm sorry baby," He kissed your cheeks gently. "Can I move now?"

You nod and before you could ground yourself Chan was pistoning into you, fucking you as if he wouldn't get to again. You held onto him tightly, clawing at his broad shoulders. He moaned and squeezed your hips tightly. "You're so tight princess."

He moaned softly against your neck, kissing and biting, leaving marks that would surely become hickeys by morning, as he rutted into you over and over. You moaned louder, panting into the heated kisses he granted you. The bed creaked and slammed against the wall with the force of it all, the sound of sin slapping against skin filling your bedroom, you were positive the neighbors could hear but it wasn't like you had room to care.

Chan's hand slipped between your bodies and he began rubbing your clit. "C'mon baby. Cum for me again."

Your mouth fell open in a silent cry as he began thrusting into you harder, hitting your g-spot.

"Cum for me princess." He said through grit teeth.

Another thrust sent you toppling over the edge and you came hard, vision going white as you let out a broken cry. Chan followed quickly, his thick length throbbing inside you as you milked him for everything he had. He kept thrusting his gaze distant and glassy.

You whimpered and trembled as he overstimulated you slightly. After a few more thrusts he finally slowed down and relaxed on top of you.

"Let me take you out on a date..." He muttered against your shoulder.

"I'd like that." You said running your fingers through his curly hair.

What da cringe ending 😭 I really want to thank everyone for 100 followers LOVE YALL <3 requests will reopen soon, I'm still busy with school but I hoped you liked this it took really long to make.

[dollcherray]

OH IT'S OKAY!!! I DIND'T KNEW THAT

So i hope you don't mind, i can request that same concept with Engel or Abby?(idk if i wrote their names right)

Like imagine having a obssesion with the (not so)perfect student: They make part of the student council, haves a honor roll(or is in idk how to say), haves straight A, teacher's favorite and these things

✮⋆˙ LOVE ME MORE ୨୧

YANDERE ENGEL X "PERFECT STUDENT" READER

A/N:I know i said i wouldnt write for minor yanderes, but im trying to get more flexible and going out of my comfort zone, ill give a shot for this one, although, if this IS problematic please warn me so i can take this post down.

Tw: Yandere topics, obsession, he tries to manipulate and gaslight you, i refuse to make reader have a happy ending.

type: Light angst/fluff, romantic, headcanons

୨୧ I think it would be a bit understandable how Engel would get hooked up on you so fast, i mean, he is a very smart student himself, so i think he would have a heavy infatuation for you because of your inteligence and maturity.

୨୧ Engel would get close to you by talking about your favorite subjects and being extra informed about it, for example: your favorite subject is marine biology? bam, this boy is going to tell you all the fun facts he learned about whales on the internet so he could impress you.

୨୧ After Engel gets more intimate with you, he would try to keep his cool around you at the beginning, but there would be discreet signals, he would let his possessive side slip a bit sometimes because of how much you get praised for your effort on studies.

୨୧ Ah yes, the praising... the praising is what makes Engel get so possessive and jealous, because in his eyes he should be the only one to provide such compliments and take that sweet and gentle smile and laughs out of you, not others.

୨୧ But overall he would be very chill in the first few 2-3 months, but past the 3rd month is where it gets... very weird, Engel would get way more possessive and would show it more.

୨୧ Engel would start to dismiss both of you whenever someone compliments you, going from calm and collected to "uh huh, they really appreciate it but we need to go now, bye" and pushing you away meanwhile being oddly clinged to your arm.

୨୧ And because of you being really smart, you would notice it really fast and maybe pick up on his crush for you, and you would have to choose between confronting him or just leaving it aside.

୨୧ If you do choose to confront him about it, he would try to dismiss it and paint you crazy and gaslighting you, but it wouldnt really work on you since you are very smart, and that personally bothers him sometimes.

୨୧ Now if you try to toss it aside, it would get worse and worse until he doesnt even let you stop to help or get complimented by someone, just pushing you past them like they werent talking at all, and it probably would get to the point where you have to do the first scenario: confronting him.

୨୧ If you try to leave him in any way, he would show himself more smarter than you think, contorning any plan you have of leaving him, like if you try to ignore him, he would make you fall into situations you are forced to talk to him, like having to do a group work and etc.

୨୧ He may like how you are smart, but he can be more smart than you, dont try him, hes just trying to do whats best for you <3

୨୧ "You never ever getting rid of me ♡"

[acozysoulwrites]

Spider monkey | Sun Wukong x reader

Requested by @kaycode1999 : Could you do one where the reader and Monkey King somehow end up doing the spider-man kiss?

a/n - I loved this idea so fuckin much…

"Just a little bit further" Monkey had said over three hours ago.

You were accompanying him on his journey to defeat one of the most powerful demons in the land. Monkey really didn't want his only… companion (other than stick) getting hurt or worse... killed. However, you were insufferably stubborn.

"Monkeyyy, how much longer" You groan, your feet were aching so badly that you thought you might fall over right here on the path.

The tree leaves rustle and you glance to your left. A quick, red blur passes through a gap in the treeline and you roll your eyes.

"Just a feeew more miles" Monkey calls.

He was lucky that he could swing through the trees, honestly, any other form of travel would be better than walking right about now.

You groan and force yourself to take another step.

"Hey... cheer up, wanna play a game?" Monkey lands next to you with a sly grin plastered on his face.

You aren't sure if you should say yes, but a distraction would do wonders at this point.

"Anything to make this awful hike move faster," You say.

"Great! I'll hide, you seek, but keep walking okay? We don't have all day you know"

Your lips part to speak, but before you get even a mumble out, Monkey has disappeared into the trees with a sneer.

Some time passes as you walk along the path and you haven't heard from Monkey in a while. Only the faint sound of him swinging through the trees could be heard.

Suddenly you hear a loud thud from behind and spin around, ready for a fight. When you don't see anyone, your eyes drop to the ground. Laying there in the dirt is a twig. You spin around and nearly scream.

"Hey," Monkey says, his voice sultry, a smug grin on his upside-down face.

Monkey hangs from a tree, his tail snuggly wrapped around a thick branch that overreaches the road. "Found ya" He coos, reaching out to boop you on the nose.

Your faces are just inches apart, and you can't deny the heat rising in your chest. The two of you had never been this close. His temperature was rising as well, you felt it radiating off him.

You roll your eyes. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Giving myself away, duh. I'm way too good at this whole hide-and-seek thing. You'd never have found me" He boasts, yammering on and on. However, your mind was only on one thing.

You slowly lean in, all the while Monkey still goes on about his perfect hiding skills.

"I mean, c'mon... At least pretend like you know where I am- mmm" His eyes go wide as his words come to a satisfying halt.

Monkey doesnt pull away, instead, he leans into the kiss, his tail losing grip slightly as his body fills with sensations. The hair on his neck stands up slightly as you pull him closer.

"W-What was that for?" He mumbles when you pull away.

"Oh, well you wouldn't shut up, I had to think of something" You tease, this time booping his nose, you smile sweetly as you walk past him.

"What- I-" Monkey hangs there, mouth agape. His heart is beating so fast and he isn't sure if it's because of the stunt you just pulled or if there was too much blood rushing to his head.

He hops down from the tree, his shock still visible. "Hey! You can't just walk away after that, Pebble" He calls, running to catch up with you.

“Try me spider monkey!”

[malwaredykes]

the untapped Enemy Of The State Potential is one of boones best funniest traits tbh like ok since im in charge of Awesome Flawless FNV Remake Available Exclusively On My Beautiful Mind im rewriting boones personal #journey arc primarily by expanding on it because i mean yeah fatalistic thinking and the question of agency vs authority and having to live with having done something inexcusable and The Denying Of Closure are good themes but to me theyre not enough here. that lack of closure about something that really intrinsically can never entertain the idea of closure is all well and good, but... lets keep going lets put a pin in that. lets turn once again to boones potential for becoming wanted by the ncr government. boone i know you want to go apeshit. its time to admit that its always been about the system youd been conditioned into never questioning and which you continued to mentally cling to as you felt there was no other purpose or direction to your existence in the wake of all the disastrous events in your life. but its time to develop a grasp on your agency as a human being boone. and yes some of that is going to make you feel worse because, Well. The Complicity. bitter springs. but you know what, it is also freeing and the right thing to do. release your inhibitions feel the rain on your skin. youre already there just look around you. youve cut the ropes that held you back, now its time to rip and shred the ropes that still are wrapped around you. its there. youve physically gotten out. and its time to evolve. "now if iiiiii were to assassinate the president 🤔" i know you want to. im not saying you should but i know youve thought about it before. "guess that settler was well-connected" yes isnt that fucked up i know you think thats fucked up. and oh your friend the courier just did something fucked up at mccarran and all these ncr soldiers and staff are trying to shoot them? of course its the courier youre defending when faced with the immediate choice i mean if its between "fuck the ncr. die" and "fuck the person im ride or die for because theyre a force of destiny that entered my life to change it one way or another and now i care about them deeply. die" well of course youre choosing the path of Leave My FACKING FRIEND Alone You Beasts. but of course the situation doesnt have to be this immediately dire. it doesnt have to stem from an immediate danger to your new object of loyalty. we dont have to let it go down this particular route. no need to have something this drastic happen. you can reach this conclusion simply by giving into the desire youve repressed for years to go apeshit at the ncr government and every arm of its hegemony. that bubbling rage? that "if i let this fester inside me im gonna do a fucking murder-suicide about it"? that in a certain timeline you do in fact end up doing a murder-suicide about? thats not just hateful desperation. thats a feeling, hitherto bottled up and unrefined and volatile, that you should allow to breathe and photosynthesize and grow into something beautiful and true and let it blossom and bear fruit. boone, there is no need to feel alone and helpless and directionless in your unfulfilled desire to cut the umbilical cord.

so. enough rationalizing things as rotten spots and necessary burdens in an otherwise inevitable righteous system, you knowwwww thats pure bullshit. my advice, do some reading. reading is fundamental, and luckily for you, you literally know a very literate anarcho-communist. i can guarantee you that you could walk up to arcade and be like "👉👈 hi gannon soooo i want to get into critiques of capitalism and of the military, and into anarchism and other leftist theory. i want to know about Other Ways to run things. could you give me some recommendations? for books and essays and so on. thanks" and he would be like "boone, yes. Absolutely. yes. i will prepare a reading list for you. gosh." and youll be given a stack of books, with notes and a directory. however, if you two are currently on really bad terms to the point where he doesnt wanna talk to you at all, hey, theres other followers of the apocalypse that would be happy to help. providing education is literally one of their main things. either way, youll finally feel vindicated about things that used to make you feel like you were just going insane. boone you werent going insane you were in fact being onto something. baby that time you saw an ncr military police on the strip facing away from you and there was a loose brick on the ground and it was calling to you like the green goblin mask? that time you were at camp forlorn hope and folks kept saying shit like "that red beret is looking good soldier" and you didnt respond or even look at them because you were focused on containing the urge to grab them by the shoulders and start shrieking? well you see those are actually instincts that tell us you have potential. you have the power to end these patterns. you want to. you need to. thats where you should go. theres a world of ideas waiting for you to tap into and be liberated by. you have nothing to lose but your pitiful pension (you can even keep the beret like who cares). there is so much you can do. its not about allegiance or moral debt or soothing personal guilt, its about doing the right thing. there are so many paths in front of you. also youre trans. like, that one also isnt just you going insane, its real and its right and its you, you are transgender

[smashingdollz]

Headcanons of Giyuu, Rengoku, Gojo, and Nanami react to shy crush confessing to him?

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hello anon, thank you for the request! i can do that.

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𝐆𝐢𝐲𝐮𝐮

-Shinobu definitely teased you about your crush on Giyuu, "how could you like Tomioka out of all people?" yet she also teased you into confessing to him. (she still wanted to support you)

-when youre confessing you arent actually intimidated by him, even if he is just starring at you quietly waiting for your confession to end so he could return your feelings. he actually has this aura that somehow calms you even if youre in a situation that should make you extremely nervous. of course youre still stuttering, but not as much.

-as youre confessing he feels extremely warm inside. ever since he joined the Demon Slayer Corp he has been constantly surrounded by hate, but he gets a break whenever hes around you. he just wants to embrace you and feel that way all the time.

-the way you shyly praise him is what keeps him going. you in general is one of the main reasons he keeps going, he wants to live a quiet happy life with you. and he would do anything he can to obtain that.

-and he verbally expresses that; he walks over, and gently places his hand on the back of your head to bring you closer to him. "as long as your by my side ill do anything to protect you, so we could live a peaceful life"

-Shinobu teases the hell out of both of you. whith Giyuu its way worse though 💀 but overall everyone is completely shocked that the two of you ended up together. a couple of people asked if you were okay when they heard the news.

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𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐨𝐤𝐮

-you could not meet this mans gaze, you would honestly look anywhere but his eyes. he would notice this and would take your fidgeting hands into his which automatically sends a comforting warmth through your body.

-he boldly, and loudly accepts your confession. and very boldly praises you. "I LIKE YOU TOO Y/N!", "YOU LOOK EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME TODAY!". the more he praises you the more hes slowly breaking you, he doesnt mean to of course, please forgive him.

-he does find your shy demeanor quite interesting though, since hes always been confident an loud. he does try to get you out of your comfort zone at times, but if you dont want to he respects your boundaries and maybe gives it another try some other time, he just wants to raise your confidence a bit and wants you to see yourself the same way he sees you.

-after that day hes always by your side, you insist that he can go do whatever he wants but hes always say "THATS FINE! ID PREFER TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE FOREVER!" he just wants to make sure your safe! whenever someone talking over you he speaks up for you! or he announces that you have something important to say.

-Mitsuri squeals every time she sees the two of you. she thinks the two of you are so cute together, especially because the two of ypu are polar opposites.

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𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨

-at this point im praying for you and getting your casket ready. he would absolutely teas the hell out of you till youre red in the face and pass out- then when you wake up hell refer to himself as your "savior" jk jk, but honestly please be prepared for a lot of teasing during and after your confession.

-when you get nervous and start fidgeting during your confession he turns off his force field (its been so long i forgot what its called, infinite?) so he could comfort you. (he makes it extremely worse 😍) but honestly the fact that he turned off his ability just to comfort you is so cute. you know that scene when he held that curses hand? yeah he did that with you.

-he takes in your quiet praises and hod them close. sure he loves all the praises he gets, but he especially loves them from you, what you say about him is the only thing he cares about. and just like how you boost his ego, he makes sure to boost yours as well

-"you know, youre extremely cute when youre bold, i guess thats one of many reasons why i like you. but when you act shy youre even cuter!" MANS CANNOT LET YOU BREATHE FOR A MINUTE- he definitely shows you off and you become apart of the silly shenanigans he pulls.

-his students are totally kicking their feet and giggling at the fact that their teacher is getting confessed to. yet some of them are wondering why and how this man is getting confessed to and how someone like you can like him. they send you their best wishes and "get well soon" cards 💀 youre gonna boost this mans ego, but thats okay, anything for this man and his beautiful eyes.

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𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢

-he is extremely patient with you. "theres no need to rush in. please, take your time." he knows you act like this around everyone, but he wants you to be comfortable around him. he wants you to feel what he feels when hes around you, you make him feel extremely warm, and whenever your around him you make him forget about this job that he hates so much.

-if youre still struggling with your words he stops you, "thats okay, you dont have to say any more, because no matter what you say ive already decided that ill spend my life with you" thats when you fell in love with him all over again. hes so considerate with how you feel, and he doesn't make you go out of your way if you dont want to. he wants to give you a happy comfortable life.

-he doesnt mind the way you act at all, even though to others you may seem childish or insecure. he knows its something thats normal and doesnt bash you for it, he would rather worry anout you (and Yuji) than anything else.

-you guys cannot catch a break with Gojo, he would be teasing the hell out of both of you. youd just be standing there all flustered as this man goes on and on and Nanami is just staring at him like 😐 Yuji thinks the two of you are absolutely cute together though!

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i hope you like these, it was really fun to come up with them. i absolutely love Gojos and Nanamis parts. thank you for requesting!

[orobaxis]

Hiiiii! You just served my simping Ass some really good fics about Ominis thank you <3 If you have time and Do requests i have one in mind. So like the scene where you learn the crucio curse and reader wants to take it but Ominis obviously doesnt want Sebastian or anyone Else to hurt her? Just something like that? Amazing work thank you <3

a little unsteady

ominis gaunt x f!reader (hogwarts legacy)

the scriptorium requires the use of unforgivables because salazar slytherin believes they are not to be feared. when the new fifth-year casts the cruciatus curse on you, ominis starts to regret the decision to enter the scriptorium.

reader is not hogwarts legacy mc

word count: 3312 (so far my longest one!)

warnings: use of crucio; hogwarts legacy mc bashing!; manipulation

“sebastian is up to something.”

ominis has been a lot more concerned about sebastian lately. he had brought up some questionable things whenever you three are together, talking about dark arts and salazar slytherin, despite ominis' insistence that the dark arts are dangerous. sebastian would keep talking about how it could be the key to finding out what happened to anne, and while you do want anne to be better and have her curse lifted, you wonder if this is the right way to do it.

“did...did he say something to you again?”

“yes, talking about how we all couldn't avoid the dark arts altogether, and that we may as well be prepared for it,” ominis has a frown on his face, clearly not happy with this encounter with sebastian. “he kept asking about the entrance to the scriptorium.”

you are both in the dungeons, voices quiet so as not to give away the topic of your conversation. “well, knowing slytherin, he'd probably put it somewhere in the dungeons, huh?” you say jokingly.

when ominis doesn't say anything, you sigh and reach for his hand. “we'll talk some sense into sebastian. what he should be doing is spend more time with his sister, not go around on some wild goose chase seeking the dark arts.”

ominis seems soothed at your remark, smiling as he squeezes your hand in comfort. shortly, he stiffens, “i hear footsteps,” and gently faces whoever approaches, partially blocking you out of sight protectively. his frown deepens when the new fifth-year walks behind sebastian. “what are you doing here?”

“hello ominis,” the new student greets after giving you an acknowledging nod, “do you have a moment?” meaning to get you out of the picture.

you move to leave, but ominis' hand grips you, "y/n stays here." you sense that ominis is beginning to feel quite stressed about this encounter, somehow knowing that the new student is going to talk to him about something. your hand squeezes his own in reassurance, as well as to prevent him from pacing anxiously.

“what is it? what have you and sebastian been up to now?” he asks suspiciously.

from behind the wall not far from you, you see sebastian, who is very clearly eavesdropping. you try to catch his gaze, but almost like he notices your staring, he disappears behind the wall once more.

“i owe you an apology,” they started, “i wasn't honest with you before about the undercroft. sebastian did show it to me.”

to say that ominis was upset when you both caught the new student leave the undercroft is an understatement. it is quite suspicious for someone who just arrived to just “accidentally” stumble upon the place, and the fact that they lied about it to ominis’ face is even worse. the undercroft is supposed to be yours. it is your sanctuary, where you, ominis, and the twins would spend some time together playing gobstones, studying (trying to, anyway), resting, and just where you would enjoy each other's presence. it is, was, your comfort knowing that there is a place only for you and your friends. ominis feels understandably betrayed when sebastian just decided to show the place to someone they barely know.

“he wanted me to have a safe place to practice some spells,” the new student continued, “to try and catch up to the other fifth-years. he didn't think you'd mind.”

“we would have appreciated it if you had let us know first, seb,” you say softly knowing that the sallow boy could hear you, and you almost see sebastian deflate at your words, “you must understand why we feel betrayed about this.”

ominis, however, seems to be placated by the apology. he sighs, “i suppose that makes sense. it's just...sebastian's been pestering me lately about something and i'm frustrated with him.”

the new fifth-year chirps, “don't tell me he's still going on about...what was it? a 'scriptorium'?”

you turn to them, "he told you about that?" you see ominis' shoulders sag in disappointment. it seems you both are wondering how and why your old friend has taken to this new fifth-year so easily, not even second guessing before he shares best kept secrets with them. secrets you promised would only be known by the four of you.

"he did," they answer, "we were talking about hogwarts founders and he mentioned it. he wouldn't say much more, though."

"yes, well...he seems to think it contains the answer to saving anne. i think it's likely full of dark magic that is better left untouched."

"wait, you've never been inside?" the new student seems surprised.

"of course not!” even the thought of it sends shivers down ominis’ spine. “i only know about it because of my favourite aunt, noctua. she thought like i do. she didn't agree with the family on the use of dark magic."

you sigh, raising a hand to run it up and down ominis’ back in comfort. "noctua has hoped to convince ominis' faily that there was more to salazar slytherin than worshipping pure-blood status."

"she'd heard of this 'scriptorium' and thought its contents might shed some light on him,” ominis adds, “she even found the secret entrance - in this very corridor.”

you stop from rubbing ominis’ back, looking at the new student cautiously. you can see the sparkle behind their eyes, now fully interested in what ominis has to say.

"she wrote regularly to my father about her efforts to gain access, and then she simply vanished. no one else ever tried to enter."

“i'm sorry about your aunt,” the words are devoid of empathy, “don't you want to find out what happened to her?”

ominis sighs, shaking his head, “aunt noctua went down this path with good intentions and lost her life. i don't want the same to happen again.”

“you don't know that history will repeat itself. besides, you said your aunt thought like you. this could honour her memory—”

“stop it!” you exclaim, “ominis already said no!”

the new student barely hears you, not even giving you as much as a glance before continuing, “--get you answers about slytherin, and sebastian answers for anne. your aunt pursued this alone, but we could do it together.”

"hmm, i see what you've done here," ominis replies, "and, i confess, you've convinced me. i didn't think it possible."

you sag beside ominis. you don’t have a good feeling about all this. it really seems like the new student came to speak to ominis to somehow convince (or manipulate?) him into revealing the location of the scriptorium.

the mirth in the new student’s face is not lost on you.

“very well. i shall tell you what i know,” ominis tells them. “fetch sebastian. we'll wait.”

"let's hope we don't regret this," you tell them before they walk away. "ominis, i don't think this is a very good idea," you turn to ominis cautiously as the new student goes back to get sebastian. all throughout the conversation, you could sense how they are slowly trying to use whatever ominis is saying against him, trying to justify it by mentioning how it will honour noctua grant's memory.

"i...must say i am apprehensive as well. but i need to know what happened to aunt noctua. to see if there’s any way to change my family’s views. salazar slytherin couldn’t have been all bad. y/n, you don't have to come,” his hand leaves yours and flies to touch your cheek in comfort, “i would rather you stay here.”

"i'm not leaving you and seb in there alone," you protest, "i would rather be in there with you than lose my mind out here wondering if you're safe."

"i knew that you would refuse," he tells you with a small smile. "but i promise you that no harm will come to you."

“i promise to protect you too,” you tell him, smiling as you rest your forehead against his, and hear his relaxed sigh, “you and seb.”

when sebastian arrives, he gives you a small and almost sorry smile. you two haven’t spent as much time as before, with him being busy running around with the new student.

"these braziers grant access to the scriptorium." ominis tells them.

sebastian scoffs, "oh now you'll share? you wouldn't tell me when i practically begged."

"seb," you admonish him.

“it wasn't you who told me what i needed to hear,” ominis replies with a shrug. “opening the entrance has something to do with threes.”

“well, three, or four heads are better than one,” sebastian jokes.

"it's two heads are better than one."

“and by that logic, three is better than two. simple mathematics, ominis.”

you roll your eyes at the sarcastic remarks exchanged by the two friends, watching as the new student lights three braziers. then, an intricate door seemingly gets carved out of the wall beside ominis. the door gives way and you see a winding staircase descending.

"there it is," you tell him, "the scriptorium."

"i hope we're ready for this," ominis says apprehensively.

you start descending, using lumos to light up the way. "dark, ominous corridors. my favourite," sebastian remarks sarcastically.

"no comment," ominis notes.

"come on, that was a good one!" sebastian elbows you gently, "right y/n? dark...ominis...huh?"

you roll your nothing but smile at the joke, reaching over to tangle your hand with ominis’. he calms down somewhat, at the touch.

"look, here's a journal entry. signed by noctua grant." the new student remarks.

you watch them cast reparo on the rubble, and it reforms against the wall. "it's a relief of a person facing a snake," you tell ominis.

"that must be the voice i hear. it's ancient, sinister."

"you hear a voice?" the new student asks him.

"it started when you repaired that relief. i hear a whisper saying, 'speak to me'.

i'm a parselmouth - i can hear and speak to snakes,” ominis explains. “nearly all known parselmouths are descended from salazar slytherin."

"i'd like to be able to talk to snakes," the new student says cheerfully. you and ominis both frown at that.

"you might not want the ability to speak parseltongue. it's often associated with dark wizards."

"you haven't spoken parseltongue in ages," you remind ominis.

"yes, but i'd wager if i speak it now, the door will open."

"i'm hoping you're having second thoughts," you turn to the new fifth-year.

"not really." they shrug nonchalantly. your frown deepens. they can clearly see how uncomfortable ominis is about all this, do they not care?

“it's ironic,” ominis sighs. “when i left home, i vowed to leave the dark arts behind. and yet, here i am. stand back."

he extends his arm in front of you protectively, making you stand behind him. "i can't believe i'm doing this," he mutters, seemingly to himself.

"ominis, don't do this if you don't want to," you tell him, "please, we can just go back up."

"we're here, aren't we?" the new student chimes in. "we might as well go in."

you watch worriedly as ominis begins speaking parseltongue, the language coarse, ragged and so unlike ominis. the door before you opens, and you hear the new student excitedly raving about it, "it worked! ominis, you possess a rare ability indeed!"

"i don't like the look of this," you tell ominis as you watch sebastian and the new student delve deeper into the maze-like hallways. "we really should turn back."

"i need to know what happened to my aunt...but if they don't solve the puzzle and get us out of this maze, we'll go back up," ominis promises you, "i don't like spending time down here."

-

much to your chagrin, the new student figures out the maze and leads you down an ever more unsettling hallway. the door has disappeared behind you completely, leaving you trapped in this hall.

"ominis," they call out, "a skeleton. and noctua's last journal entry. she mentions being trapped here - blocked by an unforgivable curse."

"oh ominis, i'm so sorry." you turn to him, seeing the distress and grief in his face.

"this...is where she died. this is where we'll all die," ominis laments, panic evident in his voice, "i shouldn't have listened to either of you." he turns to you, sorrow in his face, "you were right, y/n. we never should have gone...i'm so sorry, i should have listened to you."

"ominis, i'm truly sorry about your aunt," sebastian says, although once again, you notice the lack of sincerity in his voice, "but i know what to do. it's going to be difficult."

"sebastian, stop it," you beg.

he ignores your comment, "tortured faces on the door and crucio is etched into the stone. my guess is if we cast the cruciatus curse, the door will open."

"seb, do you hear yourself?!"

"no y/n, listen! that is why noctua died. she had no one to cast the curse on. ominis has the most experience with this. he should cast it." turning to ominis, he starts, "ominis, i know this is the last thing you want to do--"

"yes, it is!" ominis wails, anguish in his voice at the thought of being trapped here, of dying, of not listening to you earlier, of being forced to cast the spell again. "i thought you knew me better!" once again, he feels coerced, like when he was younger. he thought he had gotten away from all of it.

"but this is different!" sebastian rationalizes. "whoever you cast it upon will have agreed to it first. it wouldn't be an innocent 'victim'. we have to open the door."

"the spell won't work unless you mean it." ominis shakes his head. "that's true of all unforgivables. if it must be done, then one of you must cast it."

"we cannot cast it on you," you overhear sebastian tell the new student, "you have to solve these puzzles. if there are more of those ahead, we need you in the right state to solve them."

"then should i cast it on you?" they ask.

you are both horrified and resolute at the thought of using or receiving the cruciatus curse. you know you can't have ominis cast it, not after he had sworn off it for what he had been through. you also cannot fathom the idea of having one of your best friends, sebastian, who you think of as a brother, on the receiving end of it. and it seems like it cannot, or should not, be casted on the new student, who sebastian needs to be in good condition to face whatever's ahead. the choice is clear, you think, but that doesn't mean you like it.

"cast it on me." you tell them.

instantly, ominis stops his fretting, and sebastian turns his head so fast that you wonder if he will get whiplash from it.

"y/n..." sebastian starts.

"absolutely not!" ominis exclaims, anger now in his voice at the very thought. "it's my fault for bringing you into this mess, y/n, i will not have you do this."

"there's no one else, ominis," you try to reason with him, holding his hands in your own to stop him from pacing. you can hear his breath picking up, and it breaks your heart that there's no other choice, "it has to be me. i can't have you or sebastian be on that receiving end."

"no..." he whispers, "no, i'll do it."

"y/n," sebastian chimes, "i can take it, don't worry. you don't have to."

you ignore him, now turning to the new student. you give them a nod, which they returned, looking at you resolutely.

it is quiet at first, and ominis thinks for a second that you don't have to do it after all. then, he hears your screams.

muffled, gritty, like salt to his wounds. it feels the same, almost like it was him who is being tortured when he hears your screams. it is clear that you are trying not to scream out in pain, so as not to alarm him or sebastian--he has done that too in the past. suddenly, he’s transported back home to when he was younger, watching as his family hunts and tortures muggles for fun. but instead of them, it was him pointing his wand and casting the torture curse. at you.

ominis snaps out of it, and almost like reflex, his wand is out and he is yelling at the new student, "stop! stop it right now!"

the new student looks surprised, eyeing ominis’ wand apprehensively and drops their wand. you crumple on the floor, breathing heavily as you try not to cry from the pain. the new student turns around to see the door has opened, and they are talking to ominis gently, almost comforting him, as ominis still has his wand pointed at them.

"y/n?!" he calls out, his wand still brandished. sebastian moves to help you, but stops when ominis points the wand to him, "stay back!"

"i just want to check up on y/n--"

"you've done enough," ominis hisses.

sebastian looks hurt at ominis’ remark, but says nothing as the latter kneels down to you, calling your name softly.

he hadn’t meant for you to be involved in all this. the one person he has tried to keep it all away from, is the one that is currently hurt from the cruciatus curse.

“please, y/n…” he grasps your shoulders, wanting you to be alright.

you finally gather yourself, looking up at him and seeing his eyes filling with tears. you raise your hands shakily to his face, “i’m alright, ominis. i promise.”

ominis says nothing at first, exhaling in relief as he leans forward to lean his forehead against yours. “we have to find a way out now,” ominis states, helping you get up and wrapping his arms around you protectively. he keeps you close as you navigate the scriptorium and ushers you to the exit. “we need to go to the hospital wing—”

“ominis, no,” you breathe, “they’ll know we’ve been using unforgivables. we’ll get stuck in detention, if not expelled.”

“but—”

“just stay with me,” you plead, “i’ll be fine…i just need you here with me.”

he nods, his arms tight around you. he rests his lips on your temple, savouring the feeling of you next to him, of you being here. “i won’t leave,” he promises you, “i’ll stay here with you.”

-

back at the undercroft, you find yourself cuddled next to ominis in a loveseat he had conjured. he’s quiet, eyes unfocused and unlooking straight ahead as your play with his hair.

“what’s going on?”

“i failed you,” he turns his head to your direction, his face streaked with tears, voice cracking in sorrow. “i promised myself that i would keep you away from all this, but i hurt you and i failed.”

“my love,” you sit up from his lap, trapping his face between your hands, “it was my decision to do it. you didn’t fail. please…ominis, i need you to understand that.”

“it will take me some time to forgive myself,” he tells you, “but as long as i know you’re safe now, i’ll feel better. and i promise that you will never experience that again. as long as i'm alive.”

you nod against his forehead, whispering, “okay,” feeling ominis’ hand on the back of your neck.

“i love you,” he whispers, “please forgive me.”

“there’s nothing to forgive," you reassure him, "i love you too."

ominis sighs, nodding once, and presses his lips to yours. it’s salty, from his tears, but also soft, and you kiss him back. his hands fly to your hips, squeezing gently, before pulling away.

you grin at each other, noses touching and rubbing together, before he closes the distance again.

-

my tooth hurts so bad 😖 i hope i get it removed tomorrow!!

tysm everyone!! <3 ily all!

[mychlapci]

Orion pax stripper / slut era?

We have Ratchet’s slut era, and everybody loves the dear ol party ambulance, i’d suck his spike and say sorry if he begged for more.

But back to my baby orion pax. In multiple universes optimus has some slutty ass waist, him and Ratchet have known eachother for a lonng time. Tfp and bayverse have basically been competing on the daily for who’s prime has a sluttier waist, who would look better full of bitties, who’s matrix is more annoying. Blah blah blah.

The one thing they have in common is that the REASON of the sluttiest waist known to Cybertronian kind is that Orion Pax was a stripper.

Megatronus and his buddies walking into a club vaguely disguised as a bar in downtown kaon. Taken offguard to see the sweet, innocent and helpful Orion pax not hesitating to have his gorgeous, but quite small titties on display to an entire club of drunks, walking through crowds and he looks fabulous, each titty pierced through with tiny golden piercings in an X position, thin golden chains looping each corner, only his valve out and pierced with shiny, multicoloured piercings that glimmer separately when the club’s lighting changes colour or brightness, it puts some colouration to the greyish-blue mesh, a thick loop piercing through his node, dribbles of Lubricant rolling in thick beads down his thighs, it doesnt deter him because he knows he looks fabulous

He’s slipping round drunk mech and femme alike, ignoring groping hands as he moved with such fluidity. His armour was much slimmer then any of the gladiators remembered, despite how he’d saw them a little less then a week ago, biolights running up his stomach from his hips, ending at where his titties meet his chest, Absolutely covered head to toe in glitter, maybe some shanix tucked between the armour he does have on, showing how well his curves suit this job.

Megatronus and (probably) soundwave are even more surprised when it turns out he works here on weekends, completely sober and willing, One part is because he absolutely loves showing his frame off, the second part is so he can keep an eye on the biggest whore on Cybertron *cough cough* Ratchet *cough cough* so he doesn’t get himself kidnapped and drugged in an alley way, also it pays well and times are hard!

The matrix just seems to make everything worse but better at the same time, so its a win/win for Optimus.

oh my god yes. slut era Orion Pax should be talked about more. And slut era TFP Orion? So brave. But hey, I mean, if he's friends with the ol' party ambulance then they've gotta have something in common, and frequenting trashy clubs can absolutely be one of them!

Megatron and his gladiator buddies walk into a club and get hit with a full-face of Orion Pax titties. He's surprised to see them but ultimately, Orion's a professional. He gracefully sits up on their table, pretty hips propped up, and they can see the intricate, almost hypnotic patterns painted onto his soft, perky tits in great detail. Shy, polite Orion from the archives shifts a little on top of the table and they can see that his valve panel is open, the pretty piercings tempting Megatronus to just touch 'em and pull. Maybe then he'd get to see Orion blush, if being bared in a dark bar full of strangers won't.

Clearly he's enjoying himself too, his node twitching and valve wet, grinning dumbly when people call him over to tuck shanix into the inseams of his hip plating, groping his frame with reckless abandon. Orion just playfully shakes their hands off of him, and keeps moving through the club to entertain the rest of the horny drunks. 

Oron giving Megatronus a dance, all in good fun, but there's a hint of a flush on his face-plate as he rocks his hips, all of Megatronus' friends watching, staring, wanting to have a piece, rough, battle-worn hands itching to touch that soft, polished plating and give it a squeeze. Orion wouldn't let them. Megatronus wouldn't let them.

[pumpkinsy0]

hello favorite outsiders acc ever, i saw you say you hc ponyboy with bpd on your mental health post for everyone. can you expand on your thoughts a little more? would love to hear them :3

heyyyy super cool anon whats uppp :33

AND IVE WAITED SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABOUT THIS, THERE IS A GOD🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

i hope this gives u a general idea as to what i mean, and for anyone who realizes when say something wrong, pls do correct me about it i hope i portrayed everything correctly🙏🏽🙏🏽

ALRIGHT SO PONY W BPD

•allow me to preface by saying im not hc’ing 14 year old pony w bpd, its him when he gets older where it presents itself, if i remember correct, bpd shows its symptoms when ppl r like around 18 and into their 20’s??? around that time period is where it peaks, so this is more of an older ponyboy thing

•now as for how he got it, we can throw in obvious factors such as his parents dying, his friends dying, but one i think is swept under the rug a bit is that he pretty much has to be pretty worried about getting jumped or harmed somehow, its not like he lives in a safe area

•however even if u dont wanna believe that bit about getting jumped, bpd is typically associated w long term trauma’s but single event traumas can also lead u into having bpd, especially in ponys case where the deaths in his life happened pretty close to each other, so either way u flip it i think its pretty believable

•i think the first symptom he’d really feel the effect of first is that numbness, in the book its canon that pony constantly lies to himself and this is just one if the things he lies to himself about as he grows up, he tells himself that its just a passing thing or he just straight up fakes his emotions to not pay attention to that

•pony has a HUGE fear of abandonment, i dont think i gotta explain myself here its pretty obvious, however this does lead to him having paranoia about the ppl he loves dying, even disassociating for a while over it and he needs constant reassurance

•his disassociating leads to him missing a lot of time and not working on things he rlly should b

•when it comes to his self image pony just, doesnt know WHAT he wants, he doesnt have a clear sense of who he is, his values change, his friends change, he doesnt know whats going on w himself at all and he lays in bed a lot of the time just thinking about it

•going back to this feeling of emptiness, it causes pony to act impulsively just to cope, he smokes a lot, he drives recklessly, and he binge eats, and all this just complicates how he feels about himself which circles back to him not knowing what he wants from himself

•and then finally, pony constantly contradicts himself, for example, pony says he wants to build these close relationships, however he keeps pushing ppl that want to help him away, mostly bc hes scared that they’ll leave him, but then be has these moments where hes begging for them to be with him again but he pushes them away once again and its a weird cycle for him, and as soon as he realizes what hes doing he shuts himself off bc he feels like a bad person

•when it comes to his mood, i think he knows that he keeps on switching up how he feels, and bc of that after he goes through his mood swings and he realizes what he's done, he feels this sense of shame and then tried to just not talk at all just to “save himself”

•bc this is pony when hes older i could see this affecting his grades quite a but and that gets darry to get on him about it, and his relationship w darry is where that unstable relationship bit comes into play

•HOWEVERRRRR bc of how he responds to darry, that leads soda into stepping in to try and help but pony just feels like hes being laughed at????persecuted???? idk the word for it, but it makes pony feel worse so he can go from loving soda, to then wanting to not be around him within a few minutes, so his relationship w soda is where it becomes more obvious when it comes to unstable relationships

• now bc bpd and bp both have similar symptoms/effects on a person, and i hc angela as having bp, i could see curly recognizing the similarities between the two and he tries helping pony when he can, but at the end of the day, curly is one person and he doesnt know what to do, bc he doesnt have the resources available to help, he can barely help himself

•maybe curly got darry and soda to realize something was up w pony or somethin

gonna stop myself here bc i refuse to go on a yap sesh lmao

[writers-get-biters]

sooooo tired of feeling bad and shitty and stuck and miserable

fuck my relationship ocd i hate it so much and also fuck being forced to do stuff i dont want by people i dont want to be with sometimes (like now )they get into some sort of fucked up loop where i feel miserable because of stuff in my brain and then theres external stuff which also fucks it up more so then my disabilities become more disabling because obviously and then i get blamed and hurt more externally because of my disabilities that are not! my! fault! and then of course that makes internal shit worse so then im just stuck in the middle forced to pretend shit doesnt suck and actually im fine and actually everythings fine keep being "jokingly" mean to me and pushing my boundaries i dont care i get it its actually really okay if you say something to me that most other people i know offline wouldnt consider mean even though i have told you to stop its okay if you dont stop i guess i guess its fine if no one listens to me and i have to sit in miserable silence by myself because i dont even feel like doing anything that any of my ceters enjoy like drawing or our data entry projects or video games or writing and it doesnt matter i guess that im so stressed because since its from an arbitrary authoritative institution everyone is supposedly fine with that makes it totally okay and actually the real problem is me and i guess im the problem and reason why no one wants to talk to me or communicate with me the way i want to be talked to or otherwise communicated with yeah my bad i guess its all my fault and im supposed to just suck it up and stop complaining and also its creepy and wrong and bad i guess for me to try to cope with any of this the way that i want to and i guess yeah i need to and should be keeping it a secret because otherwise ill make everyone else uncomfortable and thats the worst possible outcome btw no person left behind unless its me in which case utilitarianism is always right and we cant give a shit about everyone yk like someone is always going to be miserable but we should prioritize the most people so if i mention kink (ew) or my other interests (ew) im a horrible really bad person actually because im making other people (more important than me. btw) uncomfortable and upset also i should ignore the fact that i am systematically and systemically being isolated from and kept away from people who might actually show understanding and kindness towards me or be in a similar position and extend the kind of support i desperately need but its cool because you keep saying youre only doing that because im "better than them" and actually youre helping me because "those people" are bad and wrong and harmful and they might make me (simultaneously innocent and guilty) do bad things like drugs that might offer a chance to alleviate some of my pain or transition to a bodymind i& want or be angry or just generally be a "bad person" and not be able to participate in the joys of continuing the chain of oppression and harm. but its fine because its for my benefit actually because you frame it as ""those people" have it so hard and theyre so unlucky (because theyre treated like shit by everyone which is true because people's actions are definitely a matter of "luck") and i just want to spare you from that" how kind of you wow youre so sweet and nice to me right now because i havent violated any of your rules yet what a great person you are because you let me be myself to a certain extent (a tiny little eensy-weensy extent but thats fine because its more than i deserve anyway) and since im being invited to participate in the continuation of oppression and pain it would be pretty rude for me to say no and if i did say no it would definitely justify treating me badly and doing all of the things you do to "those people" to me because im technically actually even worse than "those people" because i could have been normal i could have just accepted your rules (that were literally killing me to follow) (not that you noticed)

and also on the other hand the people arguing against you get to use me as their fun little trick-up-their-sleeve because obviously its ridiculous to treat someone like me the way that you have and will and i can be used as a perfect little pawn

[the ceter who wrote this switched out around here, but before they did, it asked that the others of us post this vent anyway if they were unable to finish or post it]

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

was thinking abt how my ideal doctor/yaz is when they love each other only sliiiightly more than they hate themselves, but then i was like, you know what might be better actually? if they dont love each other at all

i mean think about it. it's easy. they cant. they havent, like, build a life together. they never had to. love is a promise they didnt make

what passes for romantic feelings for companions in the doctor i think generally is idolisation. yaz has definitely been idolising. depending on your take the doctor might also have been the object of her first queer feelings ever. shes unattainable in like every way for yaz. theres no future to imagine here. there never was. i dont think either of them ever assumed there would be either. theyve had their eyes on the finish line since the beginning

so imagine a reunion. yaz and 14. every barrier now lifted. the doctor no longer lives a life of running from one place to the next; no more being with the doctor means neglecting home. hes suddenly emotionally available too. and they both know,,,Everything. they both know everything theyve never talked about. they reach the finish line and crash over it, into each other, no one had plans for this. a mess

so time to build, right? this is everything they wanted, right? except, is it? they only know each other in extremis. two adrenaline junkies in shared search of a fix. two people unable to stop running, forcibly grounded. yaz has five years of unspoken grievances to air. the doctor about five thousand of unspeakable memories. this is two peas in a powder keg

the doctor attaches in extremes, with abandon, yaz only cautiously, with reservation. neither of them know how to do friendship very well. theyve spent years afraid of losing each other, do you think theyre gonna be able to tolerate being apart now? even if being around each other is pressing every wrong button like a novice pilot or one who never read the manual, and inevitably leads to arguments they both know are years out of date but cant stop themselves from having anyway?

their coping mechanisms might have been malformed but now theyre taken away. dont you think theyre gonna come up with something to replace picking fights with daleks? we've got ptsd à deux and nowhere to go. if they cant be helpful at least they can keep busy. picking fights with each other. having sex with each other, because hey we got this newfound queer sexuality we should try it out, right? none of this is quite right but we're not gonna stop to think now, are we? 

should we talk about the gender thing? oh but youre a timelord, billions of years beyond this petty human obsession. but, youre not. so why not obsess a little. rather this than the other stuff. and yaz likes you as a woman. and rose gets all this trans stuff. keep weaving them in because if you stop they might just fall out. of your orbit, the world, the universe, the story. you'll never see them again and you'll be all alone. again. better keep tying knots

how long until they realise this is worse than it was? how long before they can admit it to themselves? how many people to suggest, to one or the other, that hey maybe you guys should spend some time apart? go on vacation, find a hobby, get a job, talk to other people, give yourself a break. how many people to get snapped and yelled at because what do they know? what does anyone know? nobody does, nobody gets it. ryan and graham left, dan came in too late. nobody else lived their days. nobody could possibly understand whats between them. including them

it's yaz who tries breaking up, of course. takes too long to get there, but she would get there. eventually. the doctor gets mean, all "glad to be home?", all tooth and nail and you cant leave me i leave you, all scoffs and snarls, "we're not together, yaz"

"sure, whatever you say"

but if people stop watching doctor who kills himself. the doctor doesnt say this, of course. but yaz is very proficient in all the ways the doctor does not say things

"yeah well, survived it last time, so"

she doesnt clarify who. doesnt need to. the game of chicken never ended, only changed shape. who falls first, who realises first, who admits first, who stays alive longest after the universe ends. and now, perhaps, whos gonna reach for desperate measures first

place your bets

[fagbearentertainment]

Kaito is supposed to be satire on shounen protagonists but they forgot the satire part

He's constantly making Shuichi do all the work and then trying to take credit for everything which is like. so fucking annoying. Not too bad though, if it was just that I wouldn't hate him

In ch4 Kaito throws a temper tantrum bcs Shuichi disagreed with him and agreed with Kokichi (the horrors!!) and their friendship is strained but fsr the game wants me to believe they're both at fault here????? Like what?????? I need you to understand - Kaito was incorrect in the trial. Being incorrect means death for everyone. Why am I supposed to think that Shuichi was in the wrong for saying the truth? Just bcs Kaito doesnt like it? Get over yourself you self centered asshole everyone almost DIED bcs of you you should be APOLOGIZING

Then SHUICHI tries apologizing to HIM but Kaito refuses to talk to him???? Does this count as guilt tripping I can't tell

Like. "How dare you disagree with me? I won't talk to you again until I need your help, making you feel even worse for disagreeing with me" feels kinda. suspicious

Not to mention that the nickname "sidekick" implies that Shuichi is inherently lesser than Kaito

And then there's Maki!!!

In chapter 3, he started harassing her bcs he decided he knows what's best for her and refuses to take no for an answer. Off to a great start!

She finally goes along with his bullshit. She makes it very obvious she does not want to be there. He keeps dragging her back anyway. fun stuff

So her character development sucks but I can't tell if that's a Kaito sucks issue or a the writers suck issue but basically she becomes a lot more emotional and a lot more murderous and everyone's just. Okay with that

So in chapter 5 she starts strangling Kokichi for no reason in particular and Kaito tells her to stop. but like. His reason why she should stop is so weird ? It's not "Killing is wrong", it's "Monokuma wants us to kill each other". I swear, it's like he doesnt think of Kokichi as a person so it's okay to kill him or something. I'm supposed to root for this guy?

One last thing I'll mention is innnnnnnnnnnn chapter 2. When everyone finds the flashback light. Everyone gives very good and logical reasons why using these things isn't a good idea but then Kaito's like "Yea but we cant move forward w/o taking risks :)" and everyone except Kokichi comes around. (Kichi does stay but he makes it very clear he still thinks this is a bad idea) Like what the fuck happened here

And all of this would've been fine if he was properly called out for his bullshit!! But he wasn't!!!!! The narrative wants you to unconditionally love him, even though he loves his friends conditionally. Hilarious how that works

I think there was also some other smaller things that build up but I can't remember rn. It's been a hot second since I last booted the game lol

~the bigender Charlie anon

—————————————————————————

I don’t remember a whole lot of character dialogue from drv3 aside bc it’s my least favorite on the trilogy but yikes. he’s WAY WORSE than I remember lol

[selamat-linting]

There are millions of things that were once considered supernatural that have since been proven as scientific reality. Platypuses, for one.

At some point "I don't believe in the supernatural" becomes "Science has already discovered everything there is to be discovered".

Which is factually incorrect.

One could argue that space aliens are supernatural. They are also incredibly likely to exist, somewhere out in the infinite expanse.

You don't just believe that magic isn't real, you also believe that if something is real it cannot be magical.

In a world where children's laughter exists?

How silly of you.

maybe you should understand the context of what im writing first asshole. in my country, we have faith healers, people who say they can fix a stroke with a massage, people who believe the stars align someone's career and personality, people who claim they can double money with some chants and help from djinns, people who put graveyard soil on their competitors' shop. people who ate convince thousands of severely ill people to stop chemo treatments to drink prayer water. people who collect gemstones and call it magic then sell it to a high price for desperate people down on their luck. and sooo many grifters saying they could speak to the dead. that is the "magic" im talking about. where in the world did i refer to magic as a metaphorical descriptor for something beautiful?

"magic" in my life, is a code for grifters, people using the naivety, desperation, and grief of others to drain them of money, giving them false hope, or worse. you have no idea how many cases of parents that were misled by local witch doctors saying their kids arent actually dead forever in the woods, theyre just taken to the realm of invisible beings and will come back someday. or mentally ill people and neurodivergent kids literally tortured in an effort to exorcise ghosts and bad spirits. spiritual gurus sexually harrassing vulnerable women for cleansing/ritual purposes, or faith healers and mediums who realized they cant keep up the lie anymore so they started killing and raping their clients. do you want me to send you a fucking of all that news stories that happen in my country? my country doesnt need more magical thinking, we need scientific and secular education, and a conscious effort to get rid of those superstitions or else we'll be stuck praying to various entities and magic items instead of actively revolting and working together to make a better country.

also where the fuck did i say science has already discovered everything? im saying im a skeptic, that means i believe everything has a scientific explanation, but that doesnt mean science have already figured everything out nor that its free of criticism. i dont doubt i will die with the knowledge that we only know so little about the universe we might as well call ourselves cavemen.

also where the fuck did i bring up aliens you freak?

forgive me for assuming but, let me guess : you skim read my personal post and instantly paint me as a stuffy skeptic bro who adheres to reason and hates whimsy despite barely knowing me or my life. youre shadowboxing over someone you created in your head but youre convinced youre fighting me. well i may be wrong so i apologize beforehand

but anyway, i hope youre just a stranger who never reads this reply. if youre not, then you really should have read my pinned post before deciding to follow my blog or be my mutual. i already write it down there that im critical to any form of magical thinking and supernatural bullshit. leave my fucking blog if you cant handle it.

but no matter who you are, i hope you got scammed by a faith healer and had a botched suicide attempt after realizing youve fucked up your entire recovery process and lost all of your money and potential. or yknow what, cut the middle man. just kill yourself tonight. youre into magic right? you believe in those signs of the universe and lucky numbers stuff? cmiiw but if its true i hope you know that this is a sign from the universe to kill yourself.

[miaiphonus]

hi guys! my name is leo, nice to meet y’all. i bring with me im sikyung, the man the myth the bastard. he fills the subplot of the former bully who tried his damndest to turn it around at shinhwa. time would only tell if he turned around, and even so many years later…well, the jury is still out, i guess! please reply to this with anything if you’d like to plot, and my discord is radkxng if anybody would like to message me there. it’s sometimes a bit faster. i’ll be available sparingly here as well! under the cut are some brief biography details and potential plot ideas! i should have his profile and biography done tonight as well, i just wanted to prioritize my intro so we could get to plotting!

so his mother’s a housewife, but his father is im sungho. he’s a fairly popular actor, known for his gentle smile.

she’s just a noncelebrity, someone he met one night. it’s a fairytale romance for a time, sungho is…suffocatingly sweet.

not that he is a good man, and it’s not long after they tie the knot and little sikyung comes into the world that things take a turn for the worse.

tldr not gonna go into detail but i guess he’s part of the Bad Dad Club. congrats. you have taught your child Violence

things keep spiraling because the family’s reputation is in good name — and sungho has money — until quite predictably things go a little nutso cuckoo. there’s this peer and his old school that sikyung was never able to get along with that he ended up roughing up bad. badly enough to get transferred, even.

at shinhwa, sikyung really does try his best to play his part nicely. he gets into some scuffles here and there, probably gets a fiery reputation, but on the surface it goes…mostly well.

and then he graduates and without anyone to keep him on track, and without any reputation to keep him honest, well. 

he can’t hold down a job very well, but it’s fine. he and his father, as much as he despises the bastard, work out a deal. sikyung keeps his mouth shut about what goes on behind closed doors, and sungho keeps his bills paid and his legal trouble nonexistent.

he’s still being a menace, and trying to turn it around, but it is simply sisyphean. idk dude just keep pushing that rock this is a skill issue atp

fun fact this url comes from an epithet of ares's that means bloodstained; i wanted something that highlighted both the roughness of sikyung's and the corruptive nature of his upbringing as well

his real gossip girl secret is that he's badtzmaru's number one fan

he does taekwondo if it matters, he thought it would help and it kind of does but it also kind of doesnt

potential plot ideas!! and pls if there's anything you can think of or if you wanna like, alter one of these we can try to talk it out!

someone who helps inspire him to change for the good

friends who make him Worse

someone who knows his victim/whatever/i am Willing to discuss the exact nature of that situation for the Drama

someone who thinks it’s So Fucking Funny to make sikyung mad for better or worse

someone who even when sikyung was Trying to be nice still got on his bad side - look i love a good long time enemies plot

basically give me DRAUMAUR sikyung is not a nice guy im sorry

he wants to be, desperately, to be honest

but he is not and has no idea how to even approach it

[kindlyfunkn]

in other news though this past month or so has been maybe the worst of my life, was already feeling down about everything but now my cars fucked up again. power steering pump is shot, terrified me driving to the garage the other day (for just an inspection, an inspection no repairs, so i can get my car re-registered. ffs.) bc it started blowing smoke out of the hood and the wheel suddenly locked up.

couldnt get a hold of anyone but idk none of my friends either have cars or are free during school/work hours this was maybe around 11. my first instinct was to call my mom but she was unavailable, shes been travelling bc of my cousins wedding in alberta and mightve still been on a plane maybe idk. but she would've probably called my dad anyway bc hes the one who could actually help me, i called him right after my mom didnt pick up.

he lives 2 hours away though, i was within walking distance to my house so i just called to ask what i should do. the switch in his voice from neutral to worried was funny, especially bc ive been giving him sort of the silent treatment since we got in a petty fight. he contemplated if he could come out to town to have a look but remembered his friend craig and told me to stay where i was to. his friend is someone ive met before and had look at my car before too, and he lives out in town.

so craig was really nice, got some power steering fluid for me, drove my car for me (bc he's used to driving junk) to the garage and spoke to the mechanic for me, vehemently denied my attempts to pay for the fluid and cab fees. he told me its really funny how similar i am to my dad when we need help. he said that he told me: "you're shy like him, you stutter like him, you're nervous like him... uh no offense."

anyway so the garage wasnt able to do anything for my car bc if they didnt have the parts to fix my steering then they couldnt complete the inspection, but he didnt charge me anything so that was cool.

gotta make another appointment at a different garage.

also, speaking to my mom last night i told her how awful thingsve been. headache almost every day, i cant sleep (other night only got to sleep after 7 am, then the next night only got 3 hours, as example), how when i got up i just started crying full waterworks and i wasnt even thinking about anything. didnt tell her how i keep wanting to get drunk at night bc my thoughts just run rampant, done it a few times now. the headaches come with or without a hangover though, i grind my teeth at night. my guard was missing for a while but recently ive found it i just havent been wearing it though i should.

i didnt mean to unload anything on her just give her an update how ive been feeling bc i havent had anyone to talk to really. dont really like to vent really seriously to my (twin) sister, and my older sister (whom i live with) doesnt ever really seem to care—i feel like i cant really be upset when im around her bc she always has something happening at work or whatever. plus she keeps saying things that make me feel worse or more worried and she doesnt realize how awful ive been feeling, a few times when expressing that my head or back hurts she offers nothing except "do you want to try my meds?" NO i dont want your prescription meds!! i did take one of her migraine meds once bc they wouldnt work for her so the last pill in the bottle she offered to me and i remarked that it worked a charm, but the new meds she has now are different and strong enough that apparently they are sometimes given post surgery. sure ibuprofen/naproxen and tylenol dont work more than half the time for me but im not going right into strong meds when im taking other things. my sister doesnt take any meds other than the migraine stuff, i do take meds, i dont want any interactions.

but anyway i got sidetracked, i'll tag with the sister vent tag too. anyway i kept what i said to my mom short and simple, didnt think much of it bc sure ive been stressed out and demotivated (what else is new) and just needed to get off my chest. hate complaining to my friends i feel i do it too much. mom gave me support words of encouragement stuff like that, but told me she'll look into therapy options for me if i want since im still under her and my step moms insurance while im a student (which i technically am, exams and classes are done but still need a workterm and we're only considered fully graduates until we complete a workterm). baffled me. i used to see a counsellor (not by choice to start and i got put in dbt which sucked but i could cancel so i did bc it wasnt going anywhere. dbt mightve helped but it was on a webcam and i leaned out of frame to grab my pencil once which dropped to the floor and i was scolded so i thought this sucks im dropping this lol) but it never did much for me, but i didnt expect my mom to bring up therapy outright. we dont really do/see stuff like that in our family.

but yknow a therapist may help me right now bc everythings going south and im not that smart with adult things yet so much that i think its detrimental, so i think i said yes. if it turns out i dont need it then i can just drop it, but i think somebody unbiased who knows how things work would be able to help me a lot. its just for figuring my life out.

woof this js a huge post. did not mean to write so much and meant to keep this simple and to the point, but yknow im incapable of being concise its a curse. wasnt even gonna talk about my car initially but just started rambling. anyway thats my shitty life update

[normalestgirlblog]

well

dont i have a few things to say

#1 i texted him bc i did actually have something to say that related to him, and it was nice to hear from him but also idk its hard and then i posted something mildly messed up on my insta and he didnt like it even though i let people opt in to hearing the joke. whatever. and then i apologized and he left me on read which usually i wouldnt give a fuck but the urge to say why do u hate me, do u hate me now was so strong that i did it and unsent it. i dont know how to be normal about him and i wish i could. i think no matter what i really want him to come back to me. and if im being totally honest it seems like he doesnt have anyone to talk to. because that boy can talk, msotly about books but like he can talk. i need to get over him and i have no idea how. someone please lobotomize me so i forget about him and who he is and how much he means to me and how much he hurt me.

#2 My mother. its so hard to talk about her with people because no matter how much i explain just every piece of her and who she is and our relationship and why it has gotten so hard recently, it wont make any sense unless u know her. nobody knows the real her. and i love her so much but her behavior is completely unacceptable and its so hard to even talk to her when every conversation we have just ends in tears. i cant do it. and all she wants is me to live with her and i just dont know if i can do it. and its taking up so much mental energy that i block her out and then when i block her out it gets worse. so i just have to deal with it. i think we should honestly go to family therapy. she keeps telling me that we are the reason she came back, we are the only reason for her living, that we are eerything to her. But a year ago, we werent enough. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS OVER BEING A MOTHER AND WANTED TO FIGURE OUT WHO SHE WAS. which like fair enough i support her in that endeavor. but what the fuck. like u cant just switch up like that and make it our fucking fault and our fucking problem that you are so mentally ill becuase you cant see your kids.

#3 i am so desperate for love and i feel like right now i am not doing a single thing right with myself or my life or i just always say the wrong things. and choose the wrong people. but mayhbe im the one thats wrong. its so hard having this many thoughts and not being able to do anything useful with them. i really get people who start podcasts now. like yeah let me just talk in a mic for an hour and make money off of it.

#1.5 I am so fucking stupid i am going to shoot myself in the foot and walk until I learn how to not be stupid.