#but sure! you know better! totally!
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oh - when my nephew was here he also told me that my mother said medication doesn't have any effect on hunger.
hahaha that's so fucking funny, I'm gonna scream :)
(was just reminded of this because I feel like I'm starving. because of my new meds. when without them... I don't really feel hungry until many hours after I should have eaten.)
#literally how can you say something so fucking stupid when you have zero experience with it yourself#I mean that's just what she does. always and about everything. but this one is particularly infuriating#I bet it came up because they were talking about my weight. and it wouldn't have been nice :) so that's just. awesome to know.#anyway yeah I literally feel COMPLETELY different when I'm on certain antidepressants. they make me hungry ALL THE TIME. and not slightly#hungry like hm I could eat. nope. so hungry that it feels like I'm starving only a few hours after I've had a meal#but sure! you know better! totally!#and it's LITERALLY in the damn information leaflet as a common side effect. for like three different meds I'm on. but no it's just because#I'm stupid :)#(for context. my mother is the most openly and proudly fatphobic person ever. she will very loudly talk about a fat person's body when they#are only a couple meters away. she hates fat people. so. this isn't a neutral statement coming from her. it's filled with hate and disgust#and I'm fucking sick of this shit. literally I'd feel so much more comfortable in my body if she were dead. it's the biggest hurdle to#getting over my own internalised fatphobia. my first thought is usually something she would say. it fucking sucks.)#tw fatphobia
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If My Body Could Speak, Blythe Baird | The Godfather, Mario Puzo | My Father's House, Sylvia Fraser | To The Daughter Who Secretly Longs For Her Mother’s Affection, Lynne Shako | Storms from Jupiter, Wanda Deglane | DO NOT REPLY, @filmnoirsbian
#connie corleone#carmela corleone#the godfather#web weaving#this is...quite negative towards carmela i guess#so i just want to make it clear that i actually really love her as a character and i actually can understand how she became who she was#she was a woman born in the late 19th century raised not just in a patriarchal society but a CATHOLIC patriarchal society#who therefore grew up learning that she was primarly defined by her relationship to her husband and her capacity to be a 'good wife'#so i totally understand why she would take some type of sick pride in knowing that her husband never 'had' to hit her#but like...that entire part of the book was legit hard to read and Carmela was really not that much better than Vito there#so it's kinda hard for me not side eyed the shit out of her when she blame Connie for being a neglectful mom#like geez Carmela I wonder why your daugther might be struggling I'm sure it has nothing to do with anything you did or refused to do...#i'll say that she did end up being concerned for Connie and trying to help so she definitely deserves some points here#unlike Vito's dumbass who was just like 'it really hurts me to know that my daughter is being hit all the time but i can't do anything :('#'I'll tell her it's all her fault and that she deserves to be hit that will surely help somehow'#Vito really spent the entirety of this book being like 'nothing and I mean NOTHING matters more than blood (conditions very much applies)'#domestic violence mention
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I was wanting to try doing an art piece in the style of the signature spell poster art pieces you create. But I’m not really the best at coming up with a composition for such a thing.
Do you have a process for how you come up with the compositions for them?
oh, awesome! it is an INCREDIBLY enjoyable style to work in; I hope you have fun with it! :D
I'm not great at putting my thought/art process into words, so my apologies if this doesn't make a lot of sense, but I'll try! my first step is always to do a LOT of thumbnails to figure out both the idea and how I want to show it; not trying to do a real sketch or anything, just little doodles to figure out what exactly I'm trying to portray. (I also call these "garbage passes" because they're not meant to be any good, they're just there to throw things out. aha. ha. ...anyway.) I think it's important during that first stage to really focus on the idea and the layout and not to get too bogged down in the actual drawing yet!
I tend to save my final thumbnails, so I'll use 'em as examples (I posted the ones up through episode 5 here if you're interested!) (and, uhhh, spoilers through episode 5 also in this post, hopefully that won't be an issue!)
the main thing I try to think about in composition is balance -- not necessarily in terms of symmetry, but in where each element is placed and how much space it's taking up. remember, empty space is still space! it's also really important to think about the parts that don't have anything in them, as much as the parts that do!
personally, I like to divide things up roughly by both halves and by thirds -- there's a lot more in-depth info out there on why the "rule of thirds" in particular works well visually, but in short, our brains tend to focus on things that are placed closer to imaginary division lines, instead of in the exact center of an image. so even when I'm doing something that is very centered and symmetrical, I try to keep that in mind and generally aim around those for landmarks like faces/eyes (or...where they would be, anyway) and other focal points.
it's not a formula of "the character's face should be in this division of this grid" or anything, more like "our minds like to focus on these areas, let's think about how to use that", if that makes sense! and of course rules are made to be broken, art is lawless anarchy, and so on. but it can be a good starting place for deciding where you want to put things!
(blue - thirds, red - half)
and against the finished versions, because they do usually end up changing a lot (including the empty space of the border):
(...these actually lined up a lot better than I thought they would. :') it makes me look like I do things way more intentionally than I do.)
other stuff I just try to keep in mind is that our eyes like following arcs and paths, which can be a good way to guide the eye:
and frame and control the focus:
honestly, composition is one of those things I feel like I struggle with a lot, so I'm not sure how much of this is helpful or actually makes sense outside of my head. but hopefully it helps a little! it's all just stuff to think about while drawing and not anything hard-and-fast, so don't, like, stress out about making sure things are lining up exactly on the thirds or anything. again, it's more "our brains think these are the dopest parts of the rectangle" than anything else! take advantage of the cool parts of the rectangle!
NOW GO HAVE FUN DRAWING seriously though, it is always super cool that other people like this idea and style enough to want to do it themselves and for other/their own characters! thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
#art#sketch#twisted wonderland#...technically i guess? it's not about twst but there is twst art present anyway#i did have a few more examples but then i wasn't sure if you were cool with episode 7 spoilers. whoops. 🫠#many other people have explained the rule of thirds and directional flow way better than me and i apologize#it is so hard to put things into words i am so sorry#me: the...you know...the lines...they sort of converge? like a triangle?#the internet: mm-hmm. yes. go on.#me: (sweating) the...the triangle points here...because it...it has a point.#the internet: it's doing better than you are then#genuinely shocked at how well some of these line up though#uh. i mean. actually it was all totally intentional and i put actual thought into it! NOT an accident at all!#my eyes darting back and forth shiftily are just ✨following the paths✨
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Th....thinking about domestic!suguru who always makes his plates of food look good for his bb <3 whether it be breakfast, dinner or a snack, he always makes it look good in case his bb wants to take a pic 😊
this is making me feel so warm & soft bc you’re so right anon… i think one of his biggest love languages is acts of services and that includes making meals for his beloved! i think if you two live together then he’s absolutely perfected his recipes for your favorite meals, and if you don’t live together then TRUST that he’s toiled away in the kitchen with a stained apron, hair pulled back with wild pieces covering his face, and a small smile after he’s tasted his meal cooked with love (he can’t wait to cook your meal and casually bring it over one day — a small smirk on his face as he says “it was nothing!”)
((IT WAS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING… satoru had to calm him down on the phone when he spiraled about if you would like the food or not)) (((satoru offered to be a taste tester and finished all the food -> suguru PROMPTLY bonked him on the head w a frying pan)))
BUT YOU’RE SO RIGHT!!!!! i think he feels especially honored and excited when you take a picture of the food he made because he PRIDES himself on plating! i’m talking abt he can do cute animal shapes one day and then elegant michelin style plating the next — my man has RANGE! <333 i think suguru ALSO has a notes app of your favorite food/snacks/beverages and ALSO an album of food he’s made for you/food you’ve made for him :’)
i think food is one of his biggest love languages :’) he wants you to eat well and bonus points if he can feed you with all the love too :’) if he fusses over you please let him, he just loves you so much & you’re too adorable 🙂↕️ and if you want to learn how to cook/already know, then suguru’s favorite activity/pastime is cooking with you :’) it’s very intimate and sweet, love belongs in the kitchen!
#asks#anon#this was so cute i had to answer it immediately 🙂↕️🩷#i think this goes for a suguru who eats curses too — he’s not picky abt food bc anything tastes better than a curse#i think his tastebuds aren’t totally honed so sometimes he’s nervous to make you food bc he’s worried it would taste bad#but he has food testers around him (satoru nanami haibara shoko utahime) to make sure your food is wonderful!#and he writes down EXACT measurements and once he’s comfortable making it then he just knows everything by heart and likes to play w it#and as for a no-curses au 🙂↕️ we know that man is HUSBAND. a beautiful demon in the kitchen#he can chef up ANYTHING! loves teaching/learning abt cooking & different cuisines! and loves grocery shopping with you 🥹#(aka you sitting in the cart throwing junk food in while suguru isn’t looking and him sighing fondly when he sees you surrounded by snacks)#((he bonks you on the head w green onions after . he’s my wife))#snippets#<- bc i might need to put this concept in my fic omg
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it’s also baffling to me that tumblr, home of the ‘why are white men Still being cast as the doctor’ for So many years now (For you know, like over a decade.) is somehow not appalled that they hired a white dude to be the next Doctor because look okay it’s okay if it’s This white man.
I mean, I do not consent to acknowledge that they’ve shoved him in there under any circumstance, but my Only need for the casting of the next person was that it was Not a white man, otherwise i didn’t care who it was, so when they “announced” Gatwa I was satisfied (i am hesitant to say they announced it bc it was more like a tiny footnote than an announcement, oh the disrespect) and it took a whole seven days (it was literally seven days. Yes i counted. it was easy since it was only seven days) it was ‘actually sorry no it’s this white dude we’ve already had before did we forget to mention that???’ and it’s steadily gotten worse and worse.
That This site of all places is not up in arms about both the situation and how it specifically played out is depressing, but also massively and darkly hilarious.
Especially since i Also remember nobody on this site thought casting Whittaker was good enough but literally going backward to a previous white man is?? This is not even a metaphor about diversity getting worse, they literally looked backwards.
But, yeah, tenn/ant with the ‘what the future looks like’ headline is uh... Good???? Not super worrying and ominous?
I feel like i’ve been dumped in some weird parallel universe by reactions to all of this on here like??? the whole way this was done was appalling, the situation is appalling, but i guess the bbc/disney should get a rousing round of applause for accurately judging that nobody would care about their poor actions if the specific white guy they cast was popular enough that next to nobody would care.
( and to the ‘it’s an anniversary ep’ thing, they legit could have just set a couple of eps in the past. i don’t mean they travel to the past. i mean just say ‘hey this ep is set during s4!’ and nobody would care. this show does weirder stuff than this every second episode. and it would still be bad, but how they did it is so much Worse.)
#dw shit#literally feel like i live in some wild parallel universe where weird shit is happening#genuinely#i am baffled#while also not being baffled at all#i try to be a realist rather than be cynical or optimistic but you know what#in this case#i honestly expected better of people#guess the cynicism would have helped here#idk i love 13 but i like jodie too and it'd Suck Balls to see her stomp on somebody else down the line#i'd hate it#i'd lose respect for her#but i've never been one for stan culture i guess#any bs on this one gets blocked and totally ignored tbh the level to which i do not care is So High#all i'm saying is#when they do more bs with white guys you Don't like#remember they learnt they can get away with it when nobody cared when they did it the first time#their litmus test has sure given Results
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I'm worried about you, First.
[Twins, episode 5]
#Sprite is so smitten and is too dumb to realise it#i like the grumpy ones too buddy i totally get it#“i wanna be his friend” no my dude you wanna be his boyfriend and you'll figure that out soon i'm sure#the colouring is a nightmare but there was no good way to not make First be blue with the things i currently know about colour fixing#if i made him not blue then i lost all the colour in the background which is part of what makes these so pretty with the colour contrast#i have limited tools and am self taught but i'm getting better so like here we are#twins the series#firstsprite#twins bl#frame ritchanon#ryan panya#mia gifs things#mia gifs twins things#mia gifs drama things
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🌸💗 Day 3- Small Gestures 💗🌸
when you're in a hot, backstage love affair, it's good to keep things subtle😌💞
#toddallace week#toddallace week 2024#toddallace#wallace wells#todd ingram#spto#scott pilgram takes off#spvtw#if you saw me post these out of order no u didn't#its bc i drew something else for day 3#but i didnt like how it turned out;;#so i decided to draw something else#i like how this looks a lot better♡#todd and wallace would totally *try* to keep their relationship subtle in the early days#but you know they just cant keep their hands off of each other lol#theyre that pda couple for sure#they always have to be touching#even if its just linking pinkies like this🥺💞#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡#shitty#(< that's my art tag)
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I just saw a Gojo-like guy in a store. He was eyeing those purple shampoos for white dyed hair, I think. He had the height and the round glasses and all. It was uncanny, truly like out of the anime. Never had seen someone pull a character's look as well as this guy. I was this 👌 close to approach him and ask him to read Georg Cantor, like a cultist stalker, but fortunately (for him) I was with my mother so I behaved
#I've regretted not doing so for two hours though#I think I could have convinced him to at least look Cantor up on google#And the world would have been a slightly better place for it#It was so easy too#'I take you have a keen interest in the infinity? Have you thought of transcending infinity itself? Gerog Cantor is the answer!'#I have a fake email to distribute Cantor's texts too in case he was interested and couldn't find the book#It's fake. No strings attached. No personal info for either of us. And he must have cared for the infinity#*sigh*#Gojo lookalike guy in the drugstore in a southern Spanish city DM me if you see this and want Cantor's texts#I pinky promise they're fun and good and beautiful#There's literally an 'expansion of the domain of the infinity' in section 4#And it talks about surpassing tradition in the field#Come on you'll love it#Every Gojo fan could give an eye to this I'm sure it would be enjoyable for many of you#Then there's the play on the Continuum and I think you could force-read Sukuna a bit in that#Intuitively the author is so spot on it's mesmerising#Anyway... Tagging things this time in case someone wants the texts haha#Jujutsu Kaisen#Satoru Gojo#Gojo Satoru#Kinda lowkey hate that I adore him#Everything could be so good. Everything will be but mediocre. The concepts are so good. It will come to nothing#Totally breaks my heart haha#It's hilarious how now that I know Jujutsu Kaisen‚ and Gojo in particular‚ I see it everywhere#It's the same phenomenon as when I was first reading Plato. You suddenly notice it's everywhere and staining everything around you#I knew JJK and the princeling were popular but I was unaware of the intensity of that popularity
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everytime i find out someone has assumed i had a crush on them because i treat them with (normal) platonic affection i die a little inside. i fear people have unnormalized just being decent and kind a little *too* much
#it is a tiny bit worse when they take things i did to be nice or make them feel better in that way. please!!#i just want!! to make you feel a bit better about yourself !!!! not that !!!! stop !!!! no!!!!!!!!!!! shoo !!! away !!!!!!!!!!!#-> in people's defense. i dont really have those same shames when it comes to assuring your friends or family you love them.#so that probably makes things feel different.#which i still think is odd!!! love is universal!!!!#-> also. most romantic songs ive listened to dont end up interpreted romantically in my little head LMFAHFSHOO#so that could also be it#(crepe chronic addiction to telling people songs remind her of them backfires on her)#;; sorry guys! i have a joyfriend that i love more than the world! please have those thoughts go away! pretty please! ew !#LMADSGHDOASO#-> ALSO !!!!!!!! this was not meant negatively!!!!!!!!!!!! it just makes me uncomfortable when people assume. its not their fault entirely#just feels abit icky. and odd. for people to have assumptions like that without any basis#i have been in love a total of two times in my life. ido not think im the slightest bit in *LOVE* you when i speak to you twice a week#-> slightly offtopic im glad i dont have to worrya bout confessions anymore with the fact i make my sexuality & status fairly clear#id kill myself if another man talked to me like that#i have an extreme curse.#and making sure i have the lesbian flag on any of my belongings has largely saved me#(for the most part)#crepe rambles#((none of this applies to mylovely joyfriend. i loveyou very much and your interpretations are always perfect. hi#you can assume all you want because you know me and are not weird in any capacity about me. 💜 muchappprecation
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just learned that one of the two people who i could call friends here fucking got married a couple weeks ago and the one other person (the one i lived on the same property with for 15 months) was there and even though i have seen her since it happened neither of them told me about this. and they have also regularly been hanging out without ever inviting me. obviously i don't need to be involved in everything but you never asked if i wanted to hang out even once even though i said multiple times hey we should all hang out sometime. ok 👍🏻
#like ok you had an informal wedding and barely invited anyone and arent close enough with me to invite me whatever.#but neither of them even mentioned it? i didnt even know the one friend was still here because she was supposed to leave for socal 3 weeks#ago and told me i had to leave by the 20th because of this and apparently shes still here and if i had known this was going to be the case#i might have been able to get a much cheaper and better living arrangement.#i just keep getting reminded that i am not that important in anyones life and everyone keeps treating me like a dumb child#and i have the horrible trait of treatment resistant depression so i cant even blame them because i'm fucking miserable constantly so why#would anyone bother developing a close relationship with me#i have said multiple times to both of these people hey we should hang out more or go see a movie or have dinner or whatever and every time#they're like yeah totally! and then they dont follow through on it#i straight up have no one i can even call and talk to about how upsetting this is because apparently i'm simply too mentally ill to maintain#friendships. like people will become friends with me and at some point i'll be like ok i'm very mentally ill! and theyll be like#ok i promise thats fine! and i'm sure they even mean it but people just run out of compassion and time and patience after very long. always#anyway lately i have been on the verge of self institutionalizing to be fully honest. but i think that would have many unwanted consequences#me
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ngl i love my girl anna but the reason cas was more compelling is that he was arcing into doubt
there is a better post somewhere but cas is confused about his loyalties, lending intense tension that fed the pre-existing themes
EDIT: all i'm saying is there is more natural tension in a person coiled/standing on the precipice than there is in the one already splayed on the ground
#there was a better post somewhere#anna was already sure of herself mostly#her dialogue was also often carved out in a very knowing#mouthpiece style#and i love her but it was sometimes very preachy#all the same there is INHERENT tension in cas's motifs and it's NO SURPRISE his arc was more in-line with the show#her best scenes were anna arguing with cas#and her anger at his betrayal cause those are the moments where she felt more real#i would have given my left kidney to see the circumstances of her fall#and the tension of her clawing her way back up the building towards heaven instead of being drop-kicked back up there#see if cas was in the PROCESS of losing faith and falling#anna needed a more fascinating *natural march toward re-discovering faith in her heavenly mission#her total lack of good dialogue concerning the death of her human parents was a miss for me...it should have been an underlined theme#SHOW ME THE AGONY ANNA#the difference between human parents and heavenly ones#that's what i wanted to see from her even more than her speeches about absent fathers and heartless angels#I'm talking YOU KILLED MY PARENTS versus ...they weren't your parents etc#anna was not merely female cas...they're comapred and contrasted yes but not the same#cas had more in common with michael even...good son good soldier motif
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Girl help a reply I wrote on twitter about TERF ideology got more than 10 likes and now my notifications tab is full of essays on how biological essentialism is feminist actually.
#It's not in fact it's actually against like the whole founding idea of feminism#But go off Jackie from Manchester I'm sure you know better than the sum total of centuries of feminist thought.#Good excuse to take a couple days away from the bird app methinks
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Do you have any tips on drawing the Swatchlings?
frankly i am happy that i have gotten good enough at drawing these bird boys (gender neutral) that someone wants my opinions. anyway
i see a lot of fun ways to draw swatchlings tbh and i don't really know what you want tips on Specifically so i will just make notes on a few of the main things i think about when i draw them, most importantly: just make them bitches broad and fluffy, man. they're all canonically Ripped, but an important thing to remember is that they are likely completely covered in feathers! that's going to smooth out those muscular details, so you wont be able to see them, just the broadness of them.
my style is all based in gesture and shapes, so i use a lot of blocks so they look nice 'n sturdy. it's okay if you don't nail the anatomy on the sketch, i am constantly nudging things around all the way into the coloring phase trying to get the shapes right. frankly i would probably bulk out even this Example Bird if i were drawing them all the way. i usually add more fluff or muscle or chub or whatever when i detail them but the absolute bare bones of them is dedicated to blockie
i give mine these sort of vestigial wings on their arms to make them look softer, and i think about how feathers move and stick out on real birds to help inform how they'll sit on these birds, too. and i carry the soft, pointed feather shapes into the fingers so they also look soft.
tip for drawing Soft: don't get caught up making too many individual strands or feathers, soft things tend to come together in big tufts. you want big gentle shapes, not a bunch of little ones. unless you want your bird to look wet or scared in which case you're doing a great job and you've probably just drawn spamton instead
their faces are really tricky so i think of them as these kinda... non-euclidean semi-hollow pentagonal cones. there's five "planes" with the top two dedicated to eyes and the bottom three dedicated to mouth placement. sometimes you can see the far eye even though, in real life, you would not be able to see that "plane" of their face. you don't always have to understand things sometimes they just look cool, especially when characters are cybernetic birds made out of Magical Darkness. there is no rule about when to draw one or two eyes. it's just whatever looks better.
biggest and bestest tip of all about drawing swatchlings! very important! write this one down in your most favorite gel pen and Really Big! give them either tails, or tail coats. i don't care that canon has neither, canon is wrong. you can switch it out, even - my birds have tail coats as part of their standard uniforms but they can wear their real tails out on special occasions.
lastly, if you want to stick closer to a canon interpretation, i would not try to make the birds too unique, when they're on the job anyway - they like being coordinated! tasque manager is very particular about keeping them coordinated as well. but if you just want to have fun then you can make your birds as fun and unique as you want :) even though i draw them all about the same i personally love love love seeing super funky swatchling designs, making them different colors and species and such.
course summary:
make them Large. make them Fluffy. use really broad, blocky shapes and draw big, thick tufts of feathers instead of trying to detail them too much.
their heads are silly magic nonsense. draw a triangle and get funky with it. no rules, only vibes. if it vibes it stays
they always need some kind of tail or tail equivalent and i don't care what Anybody else says
if you want to follow canon, draw all the birds except swatch just about the same. if you're just here for a good time, throw that out completely and have fun with it.
#deltarune#swatch#swatchlings#tutorial#art#ask#anonymous#anon#and now everyone knows about the funny little flap birds have on the back of their pants to fit their tails through#i have explicitly gotten better at broader bodytypes just by drawing birds and i am thankful for it every day#i guess there's some other smaller stuff like i try to make their uniforms more on the fitted side#because the birds apparently like to be Looked At and be Showoffs so fitted uniforms are better for that#but im not sure if my style is detailed enough for that to come through on anybody but swatch#specifically tailored their vest to accentuate the Donbonhonkeros 👌👌👌#aaand it's okay if they lean a little more chubby than tanky sometimes because practical muscle and fat can look a lot alike#but either way those feathers are gonna smooth out those shapes#and they're wearing many layers of clothes on top of that!#once again i am not the Utmost Authority On Birds and this is just some stuff *i* think about when i draw them#if anybody does it differently or You want to do anything differently that's totally okie dokie :)
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everyone is sooo in love with vakori on account of le is so cool and smart and deeply pragmatic and is also completely batshit insane
#oc#monochrome#sketch#velan#vakori#rocaim#rocaim and vakori are rex and taz and adder and silas's parents#adder and silas get their looks from vakori; rex and taz to a slightly lesser degree get it from rocaim#rex specifically is like a sharper clone of him. fucks velan up all the time because their personalities are completely totally different#rocaim was very like. gentle and understanding. good with kids and well-liked by basically everyone. a very effective mediator#rex is obviously none of those things lmao. every time he says something particularly insensitive it surprises her for like six years runni#anyway rocaim is in love wtih vakori. velan is in love with vakori. vakori is aro as they come but insanely pragmatic#like. ok le's based loosely off my ex. like. so le's SCARY pragmatic. so fucking cool about it everyone with a brain is specifically like#'woag oh my god le's so pragmatic im in love with her'. anyway eventually le's like 'hi rocaim. here are the objective reasons that i think#that if we got married it would mean i had better standing and more power in the organization we're both committed to. would you be#opposed to possibly getting married with me on the grounds that it would get me respect and power' and rocaim. who is already head over#heels for ler specifically because le makes these kinds of decisions and sees with this kind of logic is like. Absolutely. 100%#then for the next four years of their formal engagement people keep taking rocaim aside and being like hey... i have bad news...#...that leya you're engaged to... le's not romantically interested in you the same way you're romantically interested in ler... le only#wants you because you're an Ath and le wants a voice in the interclan meetsings... and then when Rocaim is like yeah i know#thats why i want to marry ler isnt that like the sexiest fucking reasoning you've EVER heard. no one gets it but velan#who is also in love with ler for the same reasons but has no such claims to power#and who also is not equipped for a polycule nor willing to try to go behind rocaim's back because unfortunately for her. she is also in lov#with rocaim. me when im in love with my friend and my friend's wife and also i'm pretty sure they both reciprocate but they're both#married and i dont really know what to do about it and also all three of us are very Traditional and that is not the Tradition:#and then they both die and she never quite deals with that.#but she DOES get to raise their (surviving) kids :) most of whom are fucking nightmares#life is so difficult for velan. like actually#closerverse#cv
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if i may say something a little contradictory to what i posted tho…. where the hell was leafpool during squilfs labour? shes not mentioned at all in that passage i posted. did the writers forget that she was also there? was she off running an errand or something?
#actually they act like leaf is super distant w squilfs family and like. hrm#dont really like that. i mean im sure theres a psychological reason you could bring up or something#but tbh i think it comes down to that being a shitty scene in general#*pretends to be shocked that the ‘’medical malpractice is super sweet’’ passage is also technically bad as well as morally bad*#i think along with the ‘bitching about leafpool at her funeral’ scene jay is at one of his worst points in this book#just a god awful miserable character. and i totally acknowledge this is mostly the new team not knowing how to write him#(altho id argue hes pretty insufferable in oots too but whatever at least he has depth there)#but that doesnt make it much better to me.
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my mum: you've been doing really good lately. every part of your life is really stable and you seem genuinely happy, it's great to see :)
me, who's felt like ive been going actually crazy bananas insane for months now: yeah haha
#sometimes i forget that 'being in total control of my emotions at all times' isn't just my cringe lore & is actually something im good at#like wdym my MUM said this. girl im experiencing horrors over here!#i got really offended by it? ilke i just smiled at her and agreed but inside i was like HELLOOOOO CAN ANYONE HEAR MEEEE#i just genuinely feel like i am so detached from myself and im entirely manipulative and i micromanage every facet of my personality#and change it day-to-day person-to-person and not in the Normal Human Way but in a crazy insane I Am Manipulating People Way#& it's a CONSCIOUS thing & like. idk who the real me is idk if there is a real me idk if id like her if i saw her idk if im a good person#but i look like im doing fine. i seem really stable and happy atm according to the person who knows me better than anyone#like that's the extent of my control on myself. even my mum cant tell. HUH#idk i feel like im being dramatic bc last week and this week ive definitely been feeling a lot better#and like maybe i was just having some sort of months-long episode but that doesnt negate the fact that while i was IN it no one could tell#not even the closest people to me that see me every day in the same house where im most vulnerable could tell#that's like. worrying surely. maybe. i think. whatever im just saying shit at this point#i always do this tho i go 'i fundamentally base my self-worth on how little i share vulnerability with people#and it's been a constant part of my personality since childhood that i dont talk about my feelings' and then i get SO pissed off#when people dont realise im going through shit. like girl what did you THINK was gonna happen. look inwards#hella goes home
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