#but still who knows maybe if she hates the gift enough she'll take it back

[achaotichuman]

I spent the last three hours making these paper flowers for my valentines, and wrote her a stupidly cheesy card, yall wish me luck for tomorrow.

[tulipe-rose]

Tiny theory that has so many plot holes and possibly makes no sense cuz I'm bored:

We all know the theory of Elise getting her personality from Yosano, and her hair type from Dazai, right? No? Well now you do, so I wanted to add a little part of my own onto it.

Elise is designed to look like a western looking girl, right? Well, I have a feeling that it has something to do with Higuchi, or maybe Higuchi's mother.

My theory is: Mōri knew Higuchi's mother–who could've been potentially a foreigner–on a personal level, might have even loved her, but she was forced into marriage with the some rich man. There was no helping it, so he let her go with grace.

Higuchi's mom dies during child birth (she was giving birth to Higuchi's sister, not Higuchi herself), and her Dad gets assassinated way later, like by the time Higuchi is 12 or even a bit older. That should be concurrent with Mōri's rise to the boss position, when his position is slightly more stable. The guy was a neglectful alcoholic, and was only going to lead the family to ruin. The kids that looked so painfully similar to their mother were suffering, so Mōri wasn't above, or more accurately couldn't help but leave him to rot. He becomes Higuchi's, and her sister's benefactor, gives them a new surname to keep the assassins off their back, and visits sometimes with gifts and makes sure they have all the basic necessities that a kid should have, he even lets them go to school.

He keeps both of them away from the underworld for as long as he could in tribute to their late mother. He was heavily against having Higuchi recruited into the Mafia, but she was so heavily insisting on joining for a reason he cannot stop after she found out he was the boss (read: Akutagawa).

He decided to make her hate the Mafia, to convince her to leave, even if it meant being hard on her. He was possibly trying to convince her, and those around her, that as long as she was a Mafioso, she'd be a target for assassination in an indirect, kind of “I never said that, they just jumped to that conclusion.” way. He was being the bad guy to make sure she was out of the Mafia. He was kind of indirectly convincing her into believing she wasn't suitable, or even useful for and to the Mafia.

I'm pretty sure Asagiri was still figuring out Mōri's character, but something that stuck with me is that Mōri might have a personal grudge against Akutagawa; he might've figured out that he was the reason Higuchi stayed in the Mafia, so he assumed that if Akutagawa was out of the picture in a way Higuchi could never save him, she'll have nothing left in the Mafia, and would decide to leave soon. This could be a secondary explanation, aside from the one we got in the manga, as to why he gave Akutagawa up so easily despite his worth to the Mafia, even going as far as to call him a 'liability'. However, Mōri didn't put Higuchi's determination into account, and Akutagawa ended up surviving.

The 'Mōri dislikes Akutagawa' theory could be debunked if someone brings up the drama CD, but like, pookie. Higuchi was going to take him to take care of his health somewhere either way, so I bet Mōri sent Chūya along with them to make sure that Higuchi doesn't have to be the one to bathe Akutagawa (inner protective father instincts are seeing the light of day, oh crap.). Also I guess Mōri eventually decided to leave Akutagawa to live out the rest of his days for Higuchi's sake, he was going to die anyway, and his reckless streak could serve to quicken that.

I feel like Mōri's treatment towards Higuchi in the manga definitely mellowed out later as Asagiri started to figure Mōri out better, and you can even see Higuchi being one of the first to come to his aid in the cannibalism arc. He would only call someone he trusted enough to see him in such a vulnerable position.

Along with that, just look at how freaking worried she is for him, if my insensible theory has any credibility, she knew this guy as the first decent father figure in her life, she definitely has feelings of attachment towards Mōri.

In wan, their shenanigans are so family coded. In her Mayoi beach card, Mori and Elise were standing behind her (they look like when your extended family turns up for events instead of your actual parents) while she was playing beach volleyball; with the way he looked all he had left was to wear "I'm not a stepdad, I'm the DAD THAT STEPPED UP" shirt istg. Chūya is there to make sure everyone retains their skin's health (except him). He looks happy though so it's alright, a tan would look good on him. Come to think of it, I feel like Chūya is always around whenever Higuchi is there, especially in wan... Could it be that Mōri instructed him to keep a closer eye on Higuchi...? To ensure her safety like some sort of bodyguard (when ironically she is the one who is supposed to be Akutagawa's bodyguard)...? Yk what I should probably stop before I come up with more conspiracy theories. At this rate I will be arrested for brain rotting too hard.

Bonus: Elise drew this, and Higuchi looks the prettiest out of them all, and the only one actually smiling, which could reflect just how much Mōri cares about her deep down. If this theory has any flicker of credibility, then beast would be a wormwhole to try and explore DJDJJDJ.

[allllium]

Christmas Eve

~ I have multiple things I'm currently writing but it might take a bit before they're posted. Between being sick and now having an ear infection I want to do literally nothing

~ Fluff, WC: 1,456

~ Matt and Reader celebrate their first Christmas together ~

You and Matt didn't get together until after Christmas of last year, meaning this is your first Christmas as a couple. Before, being friends meant Christmas never had this kind of pressure to give the perfect gifts.

But now it's different. You've been worrying all month about finding the perfect gift for Matt. It's hard to shop for someone who keeps insisting all he needs is you. As sweet as that is, you already know he has something for you. You refuse to give him something in return.

“Foggy, I'm serious. I've been everywhere in Hell's Kitchen. I can't find anything.” Today is Christmas Eve, and you still haven't found anything good enough to give Matt

“I've had his gift picked out for months.” Foggy shrugs from across you.

“Of course you have, and I should have one too, but now that we're dating it feels like there's all this dumb pressure.”

“Matt will love whatever you give him. You don't even have to get him anything. Just spend the day naked, and he'll be more than happy.”

“I hate you. You are zero help.”

“You're putting too much pressure on it. Nothing has changed just because you're dating now.”

“What did you get, Marci?” 

“Some of her favorite perfume and a necklace.” 

“Ugh, she'll love that.”

“I know. She's easy to shop for.” He finishes off the rest of his sandwich and wipes his hands on his pants. “I have a meeting with a client. Are you good?”

“Yeah, I'm good. I'll figure it out. Bye Fog.” He nods at you and walks back to the office.

On the way back to Matt's apartment, you walk by a little store having a Christmas Eve sale. The best part is they have an adorable daredevil stuffie in the window.

It's exactly what you would've gotten him in the previous years. It's perfect.

“What did you get?” Matt asks the second you walk in the door. Smelling the paper bag it came in. 

You walk over to him on the couch, placing the bag on the counter, and sitting in his lap. “I can't tell you it's for Christmas.” 

“I thought I said you didn't have to get me anything.” He gives you one of those beautiful smiles he has. It's unfair how he always looks this good. He hasn't changed out of his work clothes, now just sitting in his dress pants and shirt. 

“And I thought I said if you get me something, I'm getting something for you.” You run your hand softly through his hair, enjoying his touch after a day apart.

“I don't want you to spend money on me.” 

You roll your eyes at him. “If you keep saying that I'm gonna spend all of my money on you until I go bankrupt, and then I'll be homeless.” 

“You wouldn't dare.”

“You wanna bet?” 

“Fine, you can spend as much money as you want on me.” He looks so cute when he pouts.

“That's what I thought.” You lean down to kiss him for the first time since you got home. “Hi, Matty.” 

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“How was work?” You turn your head to lay on his shoulder.

“It was good. It's a lot slower close to Christmas.” 

“Hm, good. Y’know, Foggy suggested I spend tomorrow naked as your Christmas present, but you definitely wouldn't like that.” You giggle as his face turns up in fake disgust.

“Oh no, that would be terrible. I wouldn't enjoy that at all.”

“Yeah, that's what I thought.”

“Or maybe that's my gift to you.” 

“Oh no, can't both be naked. What would we do all day?” You ask in fake concern. He leans up to kiss you again, but you pull away. “I have to go wrap your present.” 

“No, do you have to do that right now?” He pouts.

“Yes, I do. You're adorable when you pout.” When you go to stand, he follows you with an arm around your waist.

“Can't it wait?” 

“No, it can't. Christmas is tomorrow. Matthew let me go.” You use his real name to display your seriousness, although it's not as effective when you're laughing.

“You don't have to wrap. I can't see it anyway.” 

“Matt!” You laugh. “I'm wrapping it, and you can't stop me. So why don't you stay here and order us some dinner? Okay?”

“Fine, I'll just stay here all alone.” He plops back on the couch as you shake your head at him. 

“Have I ever told you how dramatic you are?”

“All the time.”

“Yeah, I'll be right back.” You go into the bedroom to wrap Matt's present in leftover wrapping paper. Matt has no idea people have made anything daredevil-related. 

“See, that took me like two minutes.” You announce to Matt as you walk back into the living room.

“That was way too long.” You move to sit with him once again.

“Why are you so clingy today?”

“No reason, it must be the Christmas spirit.”

“Hmm, yeah, this Christmas does have a lot of spirit.”

“The first Christmas after we met, I was gonna ask you out.” You turn to look at him in disbelief. 

“What? Why didn't you?” 

“I was nervous, and you didn't show any signs of liking me.”

“No signs of liking you!? Matt, you could hear my heart.” 

“I could, but I assumed it sped up like that because you were anxious about meeting a new person.”

“And you thought I was like that for two years?”

“I didn't want to ruin anything!” He defends. “Hey, why didn't you do anything!?”

“Because I didn't want to ruin anything!?” 

“Exactly!” You both laugh at the direction this conversation has taken.

“Well, we're together now, so it was all worth it.” You point out.

“Yes, it was.” He smiles and pulls you closer. Your head lays on his chest.

“Wait a minute, Matt, I told Karen I liked you multiple times while you could hear?” 

“Maybe it was a different Matt.” 

“Matt, what the fuck?” You laugh again. 

“I liked you. I just didn't believe you liked me the same amount.”

“You liked me?” 

“Yes, I liked you, now I love you.” 

“You're lucky you're so sweet 'cause sometimes you have no common sense.” He plants a kiss on your forehead.

“You have just as much common sense as me.” 

“Uh oh.”

You wake up the next morning to the smell of peppermint and the faint sound of Christmas music filling the apartment. 

“Morning, sweetheart.” He comes into the room with a mug of hot chocolate. He hands the mug to you as he sits next to you on the bed. 

“Good morning, baby. What's all this for?”

“Well, it's our first Christmas together. I figured it should be a little special.” As you listen to him, your heart warms.

“Thank you, Matty. You're amazing y'know.”

“I do, thanks to you.” 

“Hm, good. So what do you have planned?” You sit up in bed.

“I think first we should open our gifts, then we'll hang out with everyone.” 

“Sounds good. You're going to love what I got you.”

“You're gonna love mine too.” He grabs your hands and pulls you out of bed. 

You both make your way to the tiny Christmas tree sitting in the corner. Only two presents under it.

“Here you go, honey.” Matt hands you a small square box wrapped in red paper. “I had Karen wrap it.” 

“I can tell. Karen also wraps presents perfectly.” When you pull the paper off the box, there's a black jewelry box. When you open the black box, there is a silver bracelet. “Matt, this is beautiful!” 

“Look at the side.” You pull the bracelet out of the box and look at the side. On each side, there is an engraving. One side says ‘my heart,’ and the other is in braille. “It says my name.” 

“Holy shit Matt this is amazing!” You throw yourself onto him in a tight hug. 

“I'm glad you like it.” He has a giant smile at your reaction. 

“I don't want you to spend money on me.” You mock his words from last night. “This must have cost so much.”

“I know a guy, don't worry.”

“Well, now my gift isn't as good in comparison.” You hand him the box containing the stuffie.

“Is this me?” He asks in surprise as he rips open the paper. 

“Yes, it is. It's Daredevil merch.” 

“They make this stuff?” 

“Yes.” You laugh at his shock 

“Thank you, sweetheart, this is so cute.” 

“Yeah, and it looks just like you.” You joke. The little stuffed devil looks nothing like Matt.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Matt.” You lean your head on his shoulder, still admiring your bracelet.

[theacedragon0w0]

Mending bridges

This is when Sage returns to the hotel to grab their things and Charlie wanting to give them a parting gift

"You're sure you don't want to come back?" Charlie asked Sage, to be honest she thought of them being one if the few souls here in hell that could be redeemed.

Sage was grabbing the last of their items, since now the extermination was over they had the opportunity to comb through their items in their old room. They convinced their partner's that it would be a quick trip, but they compromised that Hazel would accompany Sage for the retrieval.

"Trust me I am sure, and look you will find another Cook to help you with meal prep, since now you have a functional kitchen."

Vaggie, who's hand was resting on Charlie's shoulder added, "And you are content with selling your soul to the Vees?"

Sage grunted, "It's Velvette that I gave my soul to, and yeah I can say I'm content with spending my days with her, Hazel, Rosalina, and the others that don't just see me and the sweaty food servant."

Charlie couldn't rebuttal as she knew how often Sage would butt heads with the other patrons, with her, Vaggie and Lucifer being the exceptions.

"And do they make you happy?"

Sage, gripping their denim jacket that they were wearing, smiled, "yeah, they really do, I can't imagine how I managed to got through day to day before they came."

Sage turned to face the couple, "Vaggie you get it don't you? If given the chance you'd clip your wings for Charlie's happiness? And Charlie, you would take on 100 angels if it means to keep Vaggie safe?"

The couple looked at each other, grasping the weight of Sage's analogy, they understood the devotion that Sage went to working for them and for Velvette, but with Angel free from his contract, Charlie couldn't help feel like Sage was ensnared the same fate. "Listen, I won't ever force you to break your binds, but understand that the doors are always open if you ever want to come back."

Sage chuckled, "Yeah, I appreciate the gesture" getting ready to leave with two duffle bags worth of stuff before being stopped, Charlie handling them a flat box.

"Consider this as a Thank-you-for-working-here-parting-but-not-a-forever-goodbye gift."

Sage, reading Charlie's ansty body language, figure to open the present to see what they were given by the princess of hell herself

It was Sage's red vest, the fabric iron pressed as if it was preserved against time itself.

Sage didn't know how to react, they actually enjoyed wearing the uniform but it was one of the few things that made working at the hotel somewhat bearable to work in.

Charlie's face sunk seeing Sage's melancholy face, "you hate it don't you?"

Sage, trying to save face "No-no I love it honest! It's just, it has a lot of weight on this you know."

"Told you it was a bad idea honey," Vaggie consoled Charlie, attempting to reach the vest but Sage yanked away from Vaggies reach.

"I didn't say I didn't want it, besides, you two were the only two that made this dump worth staying, if only temporarily."

Charlie, still upset but didn't want to make Sage stay anymore than they wanted, offered their hand for a shake, to which Sage dropped their stuff and pulled Charlie in for a hug, grabbing Vaggie in to join to.

"Thank you for what you guys did for me, honest."

--

Sage exited the hotel, with Hazel waiting by the luxury car that Velvette had sent them over with, her body stiff and her ears pinned backwards.

"Took ya long enough, I was bout to bust in there thinkin you were held hostage in there."

Sage, looking at Hazel with love reassured her "I don't doubt that, it was just Charlie and them giving me their best wishes and such."

Hazel huffed, helping Sage with their bags and inspecting Sage's gift.

"Boss ain't going to like it that you are bring this back, she'll most likely burn it."

"Maybe, I'll try to convince her to change it at least, she said that purple is more my color anyway."

Hazel pecked Sage's nose bridge "That I agree with."

Sage looked at Hazel and thought of her, Velvette, Rosalina, the other guards Sydney and Iris, hell even Xana crossed their minds

Why would anyone wanna go to heaven when they have a slice of it here?

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3/5

Book Blurb:

From bestselling indie author and TikTok favorite Laura Thalassa comes the next installment of a witch fantasy set in the world of the Bargainer series. Only the dangerously handsome Memnon the Cursed can help Selene find the answers she seeks...if she doesn't lose her heart first.

No one told witch Selene Bowers having a soul mate would be so difficult. Nor did they warn her that he might be a vengeful, ancient sorcerer who would frame her for murder, force her to remember a past life he swears she lived, and then coerce her into an unbreakable marriage pact. But that's exactly what happens the night of the Samhain Ball, when Selene finds herself in a jail cell.

After waking from enchanted sleep, Memnon swore to discover why Selene betrayed him long ago. But when his soul mate's memories return, the truth reveals something else entirely. Horrified by his own actions and desperate to make amends, Memnon offers Selene the unthinkable: a magic bond that will give her full control over his will. And Selene is desperate enough to accept it.

But other enemies still haunt Henbane Coven, Selene's magical academy, and they've taken a keen interest in her. If she wants to stop them, she'll need Memnon's help. But partnering with the sorcerer is a tricky business, especially when he's dead set on winning her heart. And that can't happen…because the bond controlling him will break the moment she falls in love with him.

Review:

The sequel to the witchy fantasy featuring a witch who is the soul mate of a 200 year old cursed Memnon... who is determined to wake her past life memories and take her as his wife again, even if it means coercing her into an unbreakable marriage pact. Selene Bowers is a witch, she is also the soul mate of Memnon the Cursed, and was his wife in their previous life together. Picking up from the first book, Memnon has now forcefully awoken Selene's past memories and entered into a unbreakable marriage bond with her. Selene hates that she has to feel her old memories... but with these old memories she can finally show Memnon why she did what she did to him... and now that he knows, he'll do anything to earn her forgiveness. Memnon thought she betrayed him all those years ago but when the truth comes to light he is horrified by his own actions and desperate to win back her love. He gives her a gift: full control over his will in another magical bond... and Selene needs to accept it since she is desperate to find the witch who is killing other witches and after her. Yet the more time she spends with this newly remorseful Memnon the more she finds herself caving into her feelings... and maybe just maybe they can get back what they lost. I will say this book was so weird, like the plot doesn't actually pick up until the 70% mark of the book and nothing actually happened until that last part of the book. Also I will have to say, Selene is the most annoying, naive, girl there ever was. Like please, come on now, we are grown women, please I BEG GIRL GIVE ME SOMETHING. She really doesn't change until that last 30% mark but ooohhhhh no we have to once again end on a cliffhanger with the implication that she'll hate Memnon again and that their relationship will once again face another road block. Please Laura, I'm begging you, HELP ME OUT HERE. I JUST WANT SELENE AND MEMNON TO BE HAPPY. I am interested in seeing where the next book goes and how it wraps up.

*Spoiler: Selene and Memnon make up, they kill one of the fortuna family,( who were responsible for creating bonds on witches and killing them, they were after Selene). Selene and Memnon pronounce their love for each other (in turn dissolving the bond of control over will Selene had over Memnon). They are going to get married (but like minutes before the wedding, Kane, werewolf who was interested in Selene tells her that Memnon is named the sole heir to the Fortuna family fortune, implying that he killed all of the fortuna heirs and took control over them. Selene is literally always so "oh no we can't hurt people" "Oh nooooo we can't do this" like girl YOU KNOW WHO YOUR MAN IS JUST ACCEPT IT AT THIS POINT. The relationship was just finally getting good and now we end on a cliffhanger that is going to lead to her either calling off the wedding or FINALLY accepting Memnon for who he is. He literally has told her over and over and over that he'd give her the world. Babe he spelled it out for you, why do you constantly act surprised??? *

Release Date: May 28,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and SOURCEBOOKS Bloom Books | Bloom Books for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[krystelprado]

The one where everything felt surreal

Hi, you're probably reading this because you've read the first one about my labor. Here you'll learn how my birth experience went as raw as I can describe it because I won't sugar-coat anything. I've been lied to about this! Imma make sure that the lies ends here. lol!

Around 9pm, we safely arrived at the hospital. I want to stress out on the "safely" part of this arrival because RJ is just laser-focused on the "faster" part and the rest of the ride was just a bunch of honking. I don't know how many times I've squeezed his arms every time a contraction hits, maybe that's the reason why.

We were settled at the E.R., I was comforted by the sight of my doctor. She said that she just delivered a baby that's why she's there. She sent me to one of her resident doctors to be IEd so she could assess what CM the opening of my cervix is at. Now, I am at 4cm.

I'm like, wtf! Really?! After all that wrenching pain, we're still at 4cm?!

She said she'll be back for me in the morning or even before that, anyway she already told her resident doctors to monitor me and my baby.

At the E.R., they attached a contraction and fetal heart monitor on my belly and kid you not, that's when my contraction really up its intensity to x5 and the intervals are just now down to 1-2mins apart! I was just so lucky that RJ was still allowed to stay with me at the E.R. Without him there, I wouldn't know where to get some courage to stay awake through the pain. We were settled at the ER first since my RT-PCR result is still not in, once I get the negative RT-PCR result back, that's when they'll put me on the L&D floor along with the other laboring moms. I let RJ get some power nap because I know it would still take time. This time, I can no longer bear the pain but gladly, my mother and sisters are there with me virtually, monitoring and cheering my soul up. Thank God for the gift of family! It truly helped me divert my attention from the pain. I can still even joke around while messaging them.

I just really wished it's the same environment they allow in the L&D floor.

Around 11pm, RJ told me that my negative RT-PCR results are in. This is where he'd leave me. He'll stay in our room while I will be taken on the L&D floor waiting for my cervix to open, wider enough to deliver a baby. I was not allowed to bring anything even my mobile phone. It was just me and my IV line, in a hospital gown with my huge belly. The orderly who assisted me going up even said, "Oo ma'am, ikaw lang didto. Bawal cellphone. Sunod kita ninyo ni Sir naa na si baby." RJ and I looked at each other and said our goodbyes, see you later.

Little did I know this is where my agony starts.

Before entering the L&D room, they had me remove my footwear and wear the sanitized ones they have. I can already tell how weak the lights are from the entrance. For some reason, that added to my tension. It gives off very despairing vibe which is the very last thing a laboring mother needs. The nurse who met me upon arrival asks me to climb up to the table because a doctor will attend to me in a while for IE. Shet, kaingon gyud ko'g IE na sad?! I hate it when it's the male resident doctor who'd do it on me because he's not therapeutic - at all! Well, guess what, it's him the nurse pulled. It was only postpartum when I realized, I can decline him! We're in a private hospital, I can despise him and ask for another doctor to do it for me. Sorry self, my laboring brain wasn't braining anymore.

Almost midnight, I'm still at 4cm.

As I counted, I am the seventh mom brought in the L&D. At this point, I succumb to the pain. The L&D room of the hospital is not at all mending! The room's lights are dim, it's freezing cold, and the other portion of the room, which beds aren't occupied, had the lights turned off. Imagine how dark it is. I cannot even clearly see the faces of the other moms I am in labor with! If I can rate the pain I am feeling at this moment, it's already 50/10. I felt so off and terrified the moment I was settled on one of the beds there. I can feel every movement of my baby and the contraction is coming in stronger every time. I'm sobbing in agony. I felt so alone. You know, when you're in pain, feeling you're the only one in that room with no one to turn to is adding to the weakness and vulnerability I'm feeling. I've verbalized for so many times that I can no longer bear the pain and it's mostly my back that hurts, not the lower part of my belly - which they always say, "sakit sa may pus-on, Ma'am? Ana gyud na, Ma'am." Like, no, it's my lower back that's in pain, pinching needles kind of pain. But nada! The male doctor from his station even said, "Kinsa manang sige'g hilak diha?" Referring to me, duh! At this point, I'm ready to go out of the L&D room and look for RJ. After that male doctor sarcastically asked, one of the nurses went up to me and ask, again, if my pus-on hurts. Again, I said, I can't feel any pressure on my lower belly every time a contraction hits. I'd feel it in my entire belly. With our without contraction, my lower back hurts and that's the pain I cannot tolerate at this point. She arranged the FH and contraction monitor in a way that it won't squeeze my lower back and returned to the male resident doctor. After a few minutes, that same nurse went up to me and asked me if I'd rather get painless medicine. At the back of my mind, I recalled what my mom and sister said not to get it because it would somehow lose my urge to push. I was confused at this point. I'd want to push naturally but if this pain would continue for the next 3 hours, given that I am still at 4cm, I won't make it. I really won't. So, I asked the nurse, sorry this question I'm about to ask is kinda dumb knowing I'm aware of how this goes because of my medical background but whatever lol, I asked it anyway. I said to the nurse, "If magpa-painless ako, mag take effect yan agad? Or later pa? Kay di nagyud nako makaya ang sakit." She only answered me this, exactly this, "Ay sige lang Ma'am, i-explain mana ni Doc." she then turned her back on me and left. Like, huh?! That didn't answer my question?! Hellooo? Whatever, so, I am still in x100 pain. While waiting for the doctor to "explain" things to me. I have called all the saints there is possible, prayed to God to stop this misery, and I have confessed all my sins over and over again! I have already asked forgiveness to my child I am about to deliver if she lives after this delivery and I won't, she should know that I love her. Yes, I had this entire monologue in the L&D room because of the pain. I don't really know anymore what to do. Again, I am very terrible at handling physical pain. I have zero pain tolerance.

After sometime, one nurse and one orderly went up to me, arranged my monitors and IV in bed, and rolled me going outside the L&D room! Like, hello? Are you even gonna tell me where we're heading?! But I didn't bother to ask, I don't care anymore where they're taking me. I have zero energy at this point. Next thing I know, they're asking me to climb up the delivery table. So we're in the DR now. There I saw my anesthesiologist, as how she introduced herself to me and that she will be the one administering my epidural. Oh, so I'm getting the painless now? Where's the explaining part?! She's a female doctor, by the way. So I asked her the question I asked the nurse a while ago. She answered me in a very comforting way an in-pain and laboring mother can register into her mind. She asked me quite a few times if I am sure. And sorry Mama, but I am getting the epidural.

I am getting an epidural for the first time in my life! I knew how it's administered but this is the first time that it will be done on me. My anesth doctor is still preparing the things she'll need for the procedure, while prepping, she keeps pep talking me. She asked if it's my first pregnancy, how was the labor so far, the contractions, and keeps reassuring me that I can do it and that she's seeing a brave woman in me by simply enduring the pain for hours. Literally, an angel in the sick room. At last! Someone who's nice to me through this labor pains! At this point, my contractions are so awful that every time it stops, I take the interval rest so seriously that I fall asleep that quickly, and then wake up again once the next contraction hits! That's how painful my contractions are. My anesth never left my side so she noticed that I fall asleep in between contractions. She's the one who told me that I should always be awake and alert. She gently holds my head and say, "Tel, ayaw katulog, tel. Close lang ug eyes kung kapuy pero ayaw ug katulog ha? Dili dapat ka matulog." And I always answer her, "Doc, sakit kaayo. Lami i-tulog if mawala ang sakit." She bats an eye to the nurses around us and two of them started talking to me keeping me awake. Few minutes from there, I saw a female resident doctor, she came up to me and ask for a permission to do IE before they administer the epidural. Still, 4cm. This is already around 1-2am.

Before they put me on epidural, the nurses attempted to ease my pain, they turned me sideways with a pillow in between my legs. This is not only to lessen my contraction pains, it will also encourage my cervix to dilate faster. They said, they'll continue this 'til 3am and see if my cervix dilates. My pain is not lessen, even a bit! The nurses started to notice that I am already crying. At least I am awake, duh. Every time they hear me sob in pain, either one of them would come up to me and repeatedly tell me this, "Ma'am, ayaw ug hilak, Ma'am kay di mana mkatabang. Mawad-an ra ka'g kusog unya mag push sige ka'g hilak. Oh, uban mama gani hilom lang." Like, wtf!? Hawa mo diri sa akong atubangan! And by the looks of them, they're way younger than I am and their body, from my perspective, it looked like it never had another human being inside it, so uh uh, don't talk to me as if you know my pain. I started bawling my eye out and this time I am intentionally making it louder to release the pain. Idc anymore! My anesth started talking to me again, "Ano man, Tel? Mag epidural na ta?" and I immediately, no hesitation, said yes. Quickly, she had a male orderly help me curl up.

Idk if someone already put this out there, but man! Getting epidural in between contractions is freakin' hell! Imagine, you're in a cold delivery room with only your delivery gown covering you from freezing, on a delivery table with every eyes on you, a male orderly asks you to curl up like a shrimp and he will hold that position for you until your anesthesiologist puts the epidural line in place!? Like, did anyone discuss how was that?! Because for me, it's out of this world insane! The male orderly even have to shout at me to make me stay still. My doctor's hands, even with gloves, is so cold! Every time she holds my lower back, I can feel tingles and it makes me jerk. The male orderly, I can vividly remember told me, "Ma'am, ma'am!! Ayaw'g lihok ma'am kay isulod na ni doc saimong likod, please ma'am please lang ma'am para di naka masakitan." HAHAHA thinking about it now, that was freaking insane and I did that! Holy molly!! After several attempts, I got used to my doctor's cold hands and she successfully put the epidural line in place.

A few minutes after that, I can feel my waist down starts numbing. I told my anesth and she confirmed that it is in fact taking effect right away, I should start feeling numb from the waist down. I can still feel a bit of pain but that should only be the pressure that comes from the contractions. She's still there, pep talking me. It really helped! We've talked a lot of things, but sorry, my laboring brain cannot recall a thing about it lol. I feel at ease with her and from my 100/10 pain scale, it's down to 4/10. Sick, right?! Why did they make me suffer like that for so many hours when I can just have this?! lol. The nurses continued putting me sideways. They turn me to the other side, idk, every 30mins? At around 4am, my doctor arrived. Finally, a familiar face! She IEd me right away, and I am already at 6cm. Thank goodness! An improvement, not a lot but at least there's something happening. I guess turning me from side to side helped. After a while, I started to feel like I'm losing the numb. I can feel all the pain and started crying again. I told my anesth that I'm feeling the pain again, she said, "Tel, everything is okay naman. Anjan parin yung epidural line. Check natin ha?" So she did, and figured that the line inserted to me is dislodged halfway. That's why the pain is back! At this point, I didn't mind much of this pain because I am already feeling alleviated just by the thought of my Ob-Gyne being here. Here's when they ask me to start pushing every time I can feel a contraction. So it started, the orchestrated pushing. 2 nurses by my left side, 1 anesth on the right and 2 OBs by my foot, they ordered me to push for 10 secs. and we're gonna do the same pushing, 3x. And OMG! That didn't even helped her move a centimeter. My Ob-Gyne started talking to RJ outside for a plan B or for worse case scenario. She's letting him know that if ever there's no improvement in the next 2 hours, we'll have to prepare for an emergency C-section considering the fhr. At this point, I'm already getting nervous, scared and in so much pain - all at the same time. I don't want to get a C-section because 1. I wanted to deliver it normally as NSD babies are proven scientifically to be more healthy growing up than c-section babies, 2. I am not mentally prepared for having a c-section, lastly, it's expensive. In between my trial pushes, my OB talks to me, gives me an update what's happening outside. I learned from her that she was able to talk to my mom over videocall. She said that my mom is worried but reassured me that they're with me, whatever my decision will be. My OB is still encouraging me to push and that I can do this via NSD. I do not have an actual problem with that since that's what I also prefer, however, I am afraid this might go south due to my cervix opening not getting an improvement at all. And also, the pain! It's really making me impatient. I just want to get over everything and rest.

2 hours, that's my deadline. If we go beyond that, we're gonna prepare for C-section. I have been crying intently at this point because of the pain. I can almost feel everything. It also added some pressure on me when I noticed I was actually facing a huge glass window and that it's almost sunrise! In my cloudy head, I said to myself, I've been here before midnight yet it's morning now and I am still stuck here, very pregnant! I'm already very tired and in pain - the pain is just so awful that I can only open my eyes halfway. I glanced at the clock, it's past 6am when they started to move rather quickly, I glanced on my right to check my baby's heart rate monitor and it's already noticeably low. I said to myself, oh, that's why they're moving now. I looked at my Anesth and she's already communicating to my OB. My OB started ordering the nurses to prepare "faster." This time, they're finally telling me my baby's heart rate is low so we need to get the baby out, ASAP. My Anesth and OB are still talking since I'm crying that I am in so much pain, I can't concentrate pushing with this kind of ache. They agreed to put me on another dose of anesthesia before pushing. I gave my consent. I glanced at what's happening around and it took me a while to contain that this is really happening, at any moment now, I'm gonna see my baby. I can still see everyone's game-face on beneath the masks they're wearing. I started to calm down knowing that they got me. My OB started commanding everyone to focus and acquainted me on pushing. "1,2,3 push and then mag count kami Tel ng 10 seconds, push for 10 secs. Repeat natin 'yan 'til lumabas si baby. Okay?" My anesth is holding my head and shoulders - an actual safe support for me while pushing.

In just two cycles of pushing, I heard, "Baby out!" and with my eyes half open, I saw them putting my baby on my chest but then taking them away quickly because she's not crying!

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Gonna share a family head canon for GOS traveler Gai.

I feel like usually, Obito is very careful about where/ which family Gai is born into, as well as the dynamic. He tries to find a couple with no other kids right now, with good vibes and who will nurture Gai to be his best self. So Gai is usually born into a household where he'll either be the first born, or only son of the family with a strong father figure, related to an advantageous position if something is going on in that kingdom.

But since he botched up Gai's traveler reincarnation so badly, Gai was born into a family where he was the youngest child for once, and got to be a bit babied

Had two older brothers who were expected to take over their father's hunting roll (he was too but with two strong big bros, it was a little less pressure) but a dad who maybe lost his life when Gai was 6 on a hunting trip, and so for once it was his mom who was the primary roll model in his life he grew up with.

And maybe he and his mom were very different personalities. There was a strictness and emphasis on respect and tradition he grew up with. Where his dad taught him the basics of how to hunt, but its his brothers who really took over after he was gone. And also maybe as the youngest, he was told to help their mother with the household more, while they went and had to work to fill their father's shoes. (Traditional household of mom minds the house, dad works, but now it was the brothers who had to step up.).

Anyways while Gai and his mom were very different people and it was hard for them to connect... I like to think there was still a lot of love between them. Maybe she knew about the disconnect Gai always felt in his heart and tried to fill it but never could and felt bad because she felt her now adult baby was leaving her because. He didn't feel loved enough. And now after he leaves home, she knows she may never see him again. Any of his adult mile stones like being married or getting grand kids. He might just die in the wild and she'll never know, and she blames herself for it.

It leads to their most heartfelt conversation they ever had the night before he leaves. Where he explains he does know of her love for him. And he respects and adores her and her brothers and his late father. That she gifted him life, gave him a strong body and a happy home, but he knows he must go... and it has nothing to do with her and if the fates provide it, he promises to send word when he finds what he seeks. He can not promise he'll return, but promises to remember her every day, by keeping a tradition he always hated, the long hair. In some cultures, they don't cut their hair because its believed every part of them is a gift from their parents, so they can't cut/ alter it. So the long hair stays not because he likes it (she knows he hates it.) But because its a reminder of his mother.

She in turn, gave him a traveler's coat she had been making for years, when she noticed him always looking afar and wanting to leave. Knowing this day would come. Its all all green, and the hems are darker and are embroidered to look like swirling clouds. On the back she made a stylized lightning bolt, as she knows of his love for storms, and hopes it will keep him dry on the road.

He absolutely adores it and wears it proudly wherever he goes.

(I also like to imagine Obito and Kakashi meet the bros and mom when looking for Gai, and both take a liking to the mom, even if she does criticize their shorter hair XD. The bros offer a prized deer to Kakashi (not knowing he's a god XD) in return for word of their brother, hoping he's ok. They get a lot more than that and with such an offering, its like making sure their bro has a patron god without them even knowing!)

Obito is at least able to assure the mom and rest of the family Gai is not dead (his life would be SO much easier if that were not the case!!!). And makes a note to inform them in their dreams, should that tragically happen ... might give them a nice dream as well when he and Kakashi do find Gai, about his adventures and how well he is doing, just to put their minds at peace.

(Sorry if this was a fic upon itself 😓)

I love the bond you've created between Gai and his mom, and how we've established his older brothers do have a few problems with how different he is but that doesn't stop them from loving him. They accept their weird little brother, even if they struggled with that acceptance growing up.

Also, the brothers give Kakashi a deer (maybe they give him the meat and the fur as a coat or make use of it and give it to him as gifts in the hopes that he'll do them this little favor and keep them updated) not realizing at all that they're basically making a sacrifice

giving a gift to a god for their brother's safety and happiness.

I kinda imagine that since they're a family of hunters maybe they usually worship Kiba or Tsume, or a god/goddess that is very similar to them (since they are from a different place it wouldn't be exactly the same but could have a lot of similarities) and Kakashi and Obito get to see how someone who worships those gods does so

which is interesting because obviously they usually only see worships for themselves or the people around them (like Ibiki, Rin, Sakumo, Nakano, etc)

[g0atmama]

If Hestia was an NPC, it would have to be with SVE. She'd live in Castle Village, but the player could meet her before they gain entry if they defeat Apophis with certain conditions.

If that happens, you get a slight boost to friendship. Not a full heart, but a boost. She's impressed with you. You can also find her at the Outpost, she'll run a courier service to deliver items to your home if your bags get full. The items will be in a box by your door when you get back, no matter how fast you get there. She somehow got there faster.

Later on, when you gain entry into CV, you officially meet her with a group of adventurers talking about slaying dragons. She's arguing with them that humans should leave dragons alone. She specifically says the word 'humans'. One of the others notices you, knows of your feats. They call you over, ask for your opinion on dragons.

'Dragons are monsters whose very existence is a threat to humanity' Gets her furious at you. She glares and shoves past you- if you've started learning magic from Magnus, you feel... something... when her shoulder hits you. The others scoff and tell you who she is. That she's weird about dragons.

'They're creatures like everything else in the world. We should respect their right to live' She's happy. With the past interaction with Apophis, if you had met her, it's enough to net you a heart with her right there. As the other two leave, she stays to introduce herself. And mentions, again if you've started to learn magic, that she senses your magic. Maybe you two will be good friends. She'll be keeping you safe in the Badlands. Look out for giant crystals.

Any of the universal loved/likes that are food, she'll be neutral to- and after her 10 heart event she'll have special dialogue about it, asking if you want her to get sick or just forgot she can't eat anything but fish. Her loved gifts would include gemfish, where she'd mention that it has a very tangy flavor that tingles when she eats it. The first time you give her one, there's even a conversation with the farmer about how she eats them, is that even possible???

Her 10 heart event is where you learn she's a dragon. It happens in the Badlands at night during summer. The heat is sweltering, no matter your energy you pass out. It's okay, it's just part of the event. As the screen is black, there's a sound effect of wings, something heavy hitting the ground, and a sniff. Then wings again. When the farmer wakes up, you're in the sky. She warns you, in your head, to be careful getting up too fast. She's taking you home. You passed out from the heat, you should really be more careful out here. The stars are beautiful as they rush past you. You're laying on top of a dragon... Wait, what?

You hear the dragon chuff and trill. Then her voice again, in your head. The text box appears fully, properly. With a dragon sprite. She explains. She keeps it from everyone who she doesn't trust. This kind of thing, people hate dragons. You remember the argument she was having when you met, don't you? You remember how they were advocating for the slaughter? She has to protect herself. So she hides in plain sight. And protects the Badlands at night, when everyone else sleeps. You can ask about the giant crystals. They're her, she creates them to trap Apophis from absorbing too much magic, or to herd monsters away from the gates.

You two keep talking, eventually landing at the farm. She lets you off, magic turning her back human. She pauses.

"I get it. If you want to pretend this never happened. If we never met. I'd understand."

You have options.

You can ask her to stay; you still feel a little dizzy. This leads to a smiling portrait, and she comes inside. She sits on the floor. You offer the bed. She pauses... Okay, but she'll be on top of the sheets. She asks if you're really okay with her lying to you. You have a choice between kissing her cheek or saying that you don't mind. If you kiss her cheek, she gets flustered and falls off the bed. But she's smiling, just a touch.

You can tell her that she didn't lie. She just didn't tell the whole truth. That gets a laugh. Yeah, sure. You take care of yourself, (farmer). She'll keep an eye out for you in the Badlands.

Or, you can tell her that she's right. You don't want anything to do with a dragon. She'll sigh and nod, turning back to leave. Then, before she takes off, you have a chance to say one more thing or stay silent. 'And if I see you again, I won't let you hurt anyone else.' If you do, she looks back at you. Her tail swipes angrily. In your mind, "I never hurt any humans who didn't attack me first. They're all dead." This resets your friendship to 0 and locks you from talking to her. She won't even have a sad dialogue like divorce, she will ignore you. And she will hate any gift you try to give her.

[parfaitfever]

headcanons for ssomega characters i have!!!!!!!!!

this will be mostly justt how i see the characters and sexuality hcs here and there and just lil ramble for each characters!!!!!!!!

Pegasus koga

hes a clueless little guy in s1 maybe the little brother for everyone

after training shaina would probably let him play pokemon on his gba

he would accidentally see yuna bleeding on the ass and asked what happened not knowing anything (neither does his other 3 friends)

ate dirt ONCE shaina n tatsumi scolded him and he never do it again

after ep18 he never ever wants to touch spicy food ever again

i mentioned this and i'll mention it again, i lovee aroace koga cus whn it comes to love the first think he thinks was family love and says it something like "i love you as much i love saori!"

Lionet soma

like hyoga did in the classic, would somehow be able to drive cars and we never knew wether he had a license or not

im still wondering who the hell are those bitches in ep18??????? are those girlies his BITHCES??? SOMA PULLED THEM??? IS THIS REAL???

i think he'd flirt w someone and just failed miserably

besties w yuna since he arrived in palaestra (ep69) and gave her a childhood nickname and grew further from her a little when he starts to open up to more people and probs only got closer again cus of koga and the saori situation

he is anything but straight (hes pan)

his birthday is 23th of july (younger me said so)

Aquila yuna

been a favorite since young literally my role model when im 7 yiu dont undrstand shes just such a girlboss 4 me my cringeass tomboy asskicker phase back in grade 4 was her influence

for me, even though she kinda became the mother of the group and just hates on everyone, she actually super cared for thm liek koga or soma but shes just scared to get attached to them and it ended up something like her family or pavlin or aria ... so shes just scared she'll get attached to people > lose them at some point so she also tries to kinda distant them to try and not get attach this is also probably why in ep54 her cloth wasnt able to change for the first time bcus she fear if she goes back in to fight she'd lose someone dear to her again (i guess .... im not sure if this is right im js rambling lols)

also notice how riene (yunas childhood friend in ep25) looks a bit like raki and I CANT EXPLAIN HOWMUCH I LOVE EXPLAINING HER YOU GET WHAT I MEAN DO YOU?!??@!? (im just projecting probably, plz help) YOU KNW WHAT I EAMN WHEN I SAY EP25 OKAY LIKE SHE DOESNF EVEN CARE THAT WAS AN ILLUSION SHE'LL SAVE IT TO SEE THE PEOPLE SHE CARES FOR AGAIN YOU KNW WHAT I MEAN

imagine her in her bday not doing anything after she goes out for a meal so when she casually goes back home the maincast gave her a bday surprise :3 (projectig

i did a little redesign of her but its just adding ribbons and glasses bcus i do

arne would introduce her to precure and she discovered who cure moonlight is and now its her fave cuz she looks liek pavlin :3

did i mention how much of a girlboss she is she just onehitko a gold saint (cancer schiller)

bicon ... #1

Dragon ryuho

i used to think hes good at everything BUT cooking

i think he does most of the house chores while shunrei takes care of shiryu like dish washing, sweeping the house very diligent lil boy :3

he loves talkking about his dads adventures or just his family in general uaghegdha *sobs on the flor* he loves his family somuc aughe *chokes

haruto once asked why ryuho never showed up in his concerts and ryuho sweats so much n claims that "he doesnt have enough money to buy the ticker but that doesnt mean he didnt want to support hes just" and harutoo cuts him off and gave him a free ticket

would have like a collection of antique dishes or teacups (its a gift from dohko i guess?? this is a random thought) and he once like broke one and mourns it in his room for 3 days

i used to think he suck at cooking in someway or another unless hes supervised or following a certain recipe (i MENTIONED ths but i didnt notice oh well)

he plays with harutos hair end of story

as a kid i use to htink hes a girl until i heard his voice

gay. end of story

Wolf haruto

i probably still think hes stuck in the school jail for 6 months

episode 22

look listen i feel like i shipped him w an mlp character but i forget whether it was rainbowdash or applejack

FAKE GLASSES FAKE GLASSES HE BOUGHT THOSE GLASSES OUT OF INTEREST IYS FAKE GSUY

he learns those corny jokes froms soma (he fell for ut smh)

allergic to peanuts but he learned it the hard way. so like he got some food with peanuts in it and went to the palaestra infirmary for 2 weeks and when its eps22 harutos dad told ryuho hes allergic to peanuts but never got to tell him and then when ryuho told haruto about it hes liek ... "ah yeah right, thanks but i learned about it long time ago when i ate tofu and stayed in the infirmary for almost a month. "

he likes instant noodles

dyed his hair ends with black/red just bcuz (i kinda drew him like this sometimes hewlo)

Orion eden

hes like the silly dumb like koga but more ... quiet i guess??? like, someone would crack a dad joke to him like what do you call a fish with no eye? fsh. and hes like "i never knew thats how you call eyeless fishes" and took literally without him knowing

very very polite but if something just irritates/annoys him he wont hesitate to ZAP

looks at my old book ... *sighs* stso x mlp ships ... eden was one of the victims

i still dont completely understand why his hair turned grey i mean i dont mind the design doesnt rly affect much buut how I CANT REMEMBER was it cuz of aria or soemthig

foudn this in my school stso hcs notes, he secretly sneaks to arias room and plays piano for her but got caught by sonia and now hes forbidden to even touch the door w/o perms

bi :3

hes seatmates with haruto and so he needs to deal with haruto trying out his jokes he learned from soma and took most of them literally

soma fooled him with the "if you eat the watermelon seeds it'll grow in your stomach"

i keep crying whenever theres aria and eden scene and iys just very sad i just paused the video and cry first

aria

favorite food bread

i cant believe i never drawed her as a kid 3:

MY INNOCENT LITTLE AJHDDFSAHFSDKJH SOBS PKEAS

saoris daughter...

look look look i have a buncha hcs for her but i literally cant remember

twins with koga...... fight mw right now

yuna actually tries to teach her how to cook basic recipes and they also sometimes cook together but aria doesnt rly understand and ended up messing stuff up and eventually yuna gives up n aria would ended up apologizing a lotta times ... but yuna said "its ok!!! ure aria i wont do anything"

she passed those jfashion shops and stared at the store for 15mins

she actually has struggles with talking to people so every so often eden or koga did the talking for her

only thing she can bake is simple bread with yuna

she wouuld like clean n neat stuff so she often broom the house here and there and somehow made koga actually wants to clean

the flower decos all around their house is white, blue or lilly of the valley bcus its her

equuleus subaru

ash ketchum

[isca-rambles]

6x03 Oh, Nolan's somewhere that isn't LA. Guess he'll get another golden ticket again. No I'm not bitter. Lucy literally took out two major drug players in one op and nada. Not even a thank you. I mean she might've gotten a thank you but still. Anywaaay. Oh domestic Chenford. And Lucy looking gorgeous just...existing. Soft Tim is dangerous for my health. When he does that smile. And that soft voice. But oh he knows how her brain works. And he knows how to work her. He knows she can't resist a shower break. Oh Blair. Fuck you. Sincerely, my future knowledge. Oh Aaron. Honey. No. Lucy, my angel. Smitty, I'm still pissed at you for the pool. Tim, go take another shower and she'll take a break. Take one for the team. Yes, the beginning of Lucy and Celina friendship. Can we please get Celina a Lucy hug now?! Nolan, Bailey, can you be less obvious? Stop filming people it's creepy. But much as Bailan is my least favourite ship, I really don't hate them. And Bailey is growing on me. Tim don't tell your wife off in front of your new adopted daughter/sister. Also are the shops different now? The cage used to be right behind the driver's seat, right? And now it's been moved behind the passenger seat. Unless they can move it themselves? I just remember when Genny did a ridealong she was behind the cage. But maybe it's new cars. Nolan get your shoes off the bed! What is wrong with you people?! Bad enough having outdoor clothes on the bed. Luna, you sweetie. Chenford, stop losing your children! A night swim fully clothed with shoes on? Really? Grey you're such a pushover, you cutie. God Lucy really would be a great TO. Not permanently, just to help out. I do think she'll have some TO duties in S7, maybe not 'officially' but it suits her. Again, I want her to be detective and then she can have some patrol duties and some TO duties and still do short term UC work. Then they can make her captain or chief because, ya know. She's awesome. Um, Nolan, suspected murderer or not, I think this is an illegal search. Right? I don't think a bandage clip/claw gives you probable cause. He was watching her sleep. LOOK AT HIS FACE. HIS SMILE. So she obviously fell asleep in bed while studying and he just settled in beside her? AGGHGGHG. Harper, Lopez, maybe you should've gotten the boat to wait for you. Hey Primm, fuck you and your fragile male ego you piece of shit. God Celina is adorable. How have they got so many adorable sunshine people on this show? Primm you absolutely piece of shit. Don't be mad that Lucy found a way for you to get the position you wanted when you hadn't. Also, Lucy wasn't the one who secured the crime scene. She showed up to what should have been a secured scene! Again, if she'd shown up 5 minutes later, would it still be her fault? How can you look at this pure cinnamon roll and still be such a dick? Her record must be fucking exemplary, and you know she did amazingly on her written test. There really needs to be some sort of IA investigation into this prick. I need more revenge fics against this asshole. Sorry Celina, Tim's got a Lucy to go cuddle up to. I mean he probably wouldn't help anyway but still. Aaron and Celina, they're just getting their friendship back slowly. Why would you take him from us?! Oh Grey. Oh Lucy. My baby. God her face just kills me. Not even a pat on the shoulder, Grey?! That's your daughter! And now begins the ball dropping of literally anyone supporting Lucy aside from Tim. I refuse to believe it's in character. I mean it's canon so it is technically in character, but just...ugh. S6 is just the season of forgetting how much everyone loves and respects Lucy. Fix it in S7. I want apologies. I want grovelling. I want worshipping! Blood sacrifices! Or...maybe just some hugs. God he's so fucking previous. His smile. His eyes. Holding hands. The trophy jesus my heart. And that gifset of her parents saying she's a disappointment and Tim saying she could never disappoint him. Gift giving love language. Her laugh. Can I just stop watching here and pretend nothing else happens?

[your-sweet-cookies]

Misaki didn't really hate the man, at least not as much as she'd used to in the beginning. At first, there was a clear resentment radiating from her eyes every time they met, but as time went by, that bitter feeling became duller and duller. Maybe it was the slight feeling of resignation and defeat at the fate that fell upon her, or maybe the routine that had settled in, that made Misaki tolerate him more, but to be frank, she didn't really know why either when or why she'd grown used to him.

She was far too young back then to even remember the details of their first encounter. A faint memory, buried somewhere deep at the back of her mind, telling of a simple and short story of kindness that somehow had a deeper impact than one would've thought. It wasn't like she could've known that she'll leave such a mark on the man. Back when she first moved in with her grandmother, after her parents tragically passed away before she could even really grasp the meaning of how fragile life could truly be, Misaki used to stick by her granny all the time, everywhere she went, so it was by sheer luck that their paths even met like that. It was due to this clinginess of her that she ended up volunteering at the local social center at the ripe age of 9 years old, helping her grandma in every way she could, by handing out food or necessities to those in need who sought out their selfless act of kindness. Maybe that's why now, the brunette couldn't recognize the young boy she'd handed bento boxes and warm winter clothes to all those years ago, but even so, Misaki still felt at times that sense of familiarity that would emerge during the rare calmer times, marked by tranquility in their dynamic.

Sure, the young woman had no real obligation to report her every move to Kimura, since he wasn't her direct boss, but at this point it had just became a habit to tell him about her whereabouts, knowing very well that if she didn't willingly do it, Kimura would've still found a way to pull her tongue about it. So it was better to just tell him directly and spare herself any potential headaches. Throwing the loan shark another suspicious look, Misaki then held up the bag, taking out its contents to examine them. Part of her imagined it would be some sort of lingerie or revealing piece of clothing, since the loan shark wasn't one to shy away from taking pleasure in things of the perverted nature, but she still decided to keep an open mind and check it out nonetheless.

A dress... And an expensive one at that...

Misaki's eyes widened there for a moment, as she held it out, the soft white material feeling nice against her skin. In other circumstances, maybe the young woman would've been happy about receiving such an expensive and beautiful gift, since she'd never had the chance of admiring, let alone wear this kind of dress before, but since this was a gift from Kimura, the excitement in her eyes was dulled out by a stark sense of doubt and unease. It was far too strange to just overlook it. "Cut the crap, Kimura. What is it that you really want now?" It was Misaki's turn to raise her brow as she shot him another ice cold glare. "This shit's expensive, far above my budget, and you know it too. You'd never just give me something like this for free, out of the nonexistent kindness of your stone cold heart." His answer only made her roll her eyes again. It wasn't that Misaki didn't like the dress or the compliments themselves, but she just couldn't bring herself to trust anything that came out of this man's mouth. It was all a ploy... A trap and a ruse to get her to lower down her guard just enough to give him a chance to pounce on her. Misaki knew better than this! "Listen, I appreciate the thought, but I don't want your stupid 'little gifts'. I know what game you're playing and I am not going to fall for it." With a blank expression, she threw the box and the dress back at him, turning around to go for the door and open it to kick the man out. "You can rest assured that I wouldn't let anyone touch me, and that includes you too." Her words were sharp and cruel. "I've told you this many times before and nothing's changed: I'm not your 'toy' or another 'pretty doll' you can buy with empty words and stupid gifts, so stop trying to win me over because it's never going to happen!"

@hellsdogs

Has he ruined her life? It’s not a question Kimura ever asks himself. A man like him doesn’t question, he comes and collects. When someone can’t pay, they find a way to pay : end of story. But with Misaki, it’s different. He knows he’s hard on her, maybe even crueler than he needs to be. He remembers her, of course. He simply doesn’t let her know that. Because if she ever remembers him in return, she’ll gain access to his story—the one he’s buried deep. She’s seen his father, his dying mother, the brother who turned his back on him and finally, his sister. Does she recall the young boy from that one family in that old dirty neighborhood? Probably not. And yet, when she rolls her eyes and sighs at the sight of him, it stirs something faint, a half-smirk playing on his lips. He stands, but before he can even get a word in, she’s already talking, her voice fast and defensive, explaining where she’s been and what she’s done. It’s true, he likes to know. Where she goes, what she earns, what she's able to pay him back, the company she keeps. He listens, one brow arching slightly at the mention of a dohan. But he doesn’t interrupt, letting her ramble on until he decides it’s enough. He hands her the package, a neat black box, expensive in its simplicity. The sight of it is enough to stop her mid-sentence. "I did," he says simply to her question on if he did get her something, letting her take it, his hands slipping casually into his pockets. Inside the box is a nightgown. Kimura is a man of taste, always impeccably dressed, and his choices for women’s clothing reflect that same refinement. The gown is not short or overly revealing. It’s long, elegant, made from pure white silk that cascades over the legs. The back is entirely exposed, but the cut is tasteful, the kind that hints rather than flaunts. The neckline is modest, timelessly beautiful. It’s the kind of piece that speaks of quiet luxury, something designed to be both comfortable and captivating. "I like white on you," he says, his tone casual, as though the gesture isn’t significant but it kind of is. He doesn't do gifts a lot. "It’s pretty against your skin, with the blue of your eyes and the brunette of your hair. Try it on." He adds, his own exhaustion from the day evident, but there’s a flicker of curiosity in his gaze. He wants to see how it looks on her. "As for the 65-year-old, mmm I didn’t ask," he says, referencing the dohan with a smug tone. He likes when she tells him everything without him having to ask. "But good. Don’t let him touch you. I don’t like them touching you."

[axailslink]

Could you do a angst to fluff ff with riri. I haven’t seen any angst stories about her yet

Riri Williams the liar and manipulator

Riri Williams x FEM reader

Summary: Riri finally chooses you

Riri Williams the genius, the beauty, the liar the manipulator and the lover. She is all of those things to you she truly is a genius her smarts are hard to beat her beauty is a gift given from the Gods themselves incomparable... But she could also be a liar some of your favorite lines are "I love you," "I'd never hurt you," and "I didn't mean to" yet you always give into them. You hate yourself for that for loving her even when you know she loves another and you're in the dark you're the one she turns the lights off to be with. You're the one she hides with.

You constantly ask yourself why are you letting yourself be hurt by someone who's 5'3? Obviously because you're so used to being hurt you just take it even if it kills you on the inside. It's funny to you but you're tired of being the second option the one she comes to when she needs something her girlfriend can't provide. They had a big argument today you aren't sure what it was about but you heard about it because everyone heard about it. News on the campus spreads like wildfire on dry leaves. They argued meaning you're going to have a visitor tonight but you don't care tonight you didn't get all dressed up or shower for her or shave you did nothing you are still in your pajamas when that all too familiar knock interrupts your studying.

You ignore it just to see how impatient she'll get which she does quickly as the knock becomes a lot harder. You get up leaving your laptop and papers in your bed as you approach the door you crack it open but don't let her in. "I'm busy tonight" she raises her eyebrow in question "doing what?" You straight face her and plant your hands in your pocket "does it matter? I'm busy so you can't use me as some fuck toy tonight." She groans at the title you started calling yourself after you found out she had a girlfriend. "That's not what this is I just want to talk to you" you nod and laugh "you just want to talk? After a month of only coming to hit me up for sex now you want to talk?" She shakes her head and you scoff pushing the door but she places her hand in front causing you to stop. "Go home I'm done with this whole little thing I'm done with you picking her I'm done with it all I don't care she can have you cause I don't want you..." She pushes past you and closes the apartment door "that's not true" you nod and stare her down "yeah it is I don't want Riri Williams the manipulator and lia-" she grabs your hand and holds it tight "what about Riri Williams the genius the one you're infatuated with?" You look her up and down "I thought she left a long time ago actually...maybe about a month ago when she told me that she would never love me because she was in a committed relationship. It's funny you know after all those nights with you have you realized you're acting just like your cheating, lying and manipulative girlfriend?" Riri has had enough of you and she yells which she never does "she's not my girlfriend! Not anymore..." You shrug and roll your eyes "took you a month. I mean the bitch wasn't good for you anyways but I don't care because fuck you both."

She raises her eyebrows and backs up letting go of your hand "fuck me?" You nod hesitantly but your voice doesn't falter and your face doesn't either as you speak "fuck you. Fuck her. Fuck him. Fuck them." She nods and grabs your hands again "I broke up with her." You glance at both of your hands seeing how tight she's gripping them then around the dark room. "I don't see what that has to do with me?" She nods slowly "I didn't want her I wanted you for the longest time I did I still do I just want you." You nod slowly and laugh in her face. "Girl get the fuck out my face lie to me again and see what I do to you." She pulls you to her by the waist.

"I'm not lying Y/n yes I was with her yes you were a second option when it came to h-" you scoff and gently loosen her grip on your waist but she tightens "I'm not done you were only a second option because I was blinded I thought she would change for me." You let your hand rest on top of her own "what happens the next time you're blinded?" She smiles softly "I'll wear contacts and not glasses." You can't help but crack a smile at her joke.

You feel lips on yours and you immediately sink into the kiss as your hands reach her face but you quickly pull away "Riri I don't think you're ready for another relationship so soon we should talk this out" she groans "we just did I want you and only you fuck her she's manipulative and bitchy and a cheater." You nod and let your hand trace down her shirt "you did those same things to me you manipulated me when I wanted to leave the situation you were bitchy when I told you I loved you and you cheated on her with me because she cheated on you." She sighs and turns the lights on "you kept telling me you were tired of hiding in the dark with me you hated when I kissed you with the lights off now they're on... I'm not hiding I don't want to hide with you I want to scream to the mountains that I'm finally going to treat my girl the way she deserves to be treated that I'm not gone-" you can't help but take interest "my girl?" She shrugs "that is if you'll accept my apology."

You take a moment to think to really think about this whole situation to think of who Riri was before she let this girl fuck her head up. The sweet Riri who loves a challenge and would never hurt you. "I'm sorry Y/n I really am I just pushed you away because if I pulled you to me I'd be just as bad as her because I wouldn't be able to stay away from you. I love you" you sigh "my guardian angel is shaking her motherfucking head right now" you lock the door and pull Riri into a kiss. You may regret this afterwards but you are going to drown in it tonight.

A/n: give me a break I've been busy I still managed to post while doing box braids for my best friend. I really hope this lives up to what you want because I love having you as a reader you always respond to my posts and I don't usually write angst but I tried. If you didn't enjoy that's fine I'm open to constructive criticism (a bit don't dog me). @verachii

[mosylufanfic]

I'm rewatching Andor again and I'm on the second episode. I'm in the part where Timm gets a visit from Bix. And I was thinking, you know what would be hilarious? If somehow Bix gets the wrong place and it's Brasso's place instead. 😂 And Brasso is all like, are you drunk? And Bix is all like, ah, kriff, I got the wrong house, didn't I? Basically, Brasso being Brasso helps her get back home, because seriously Bix what where you thinking? And Bix is just wincing at the lecture her friend is giving her. Brasso leaves her something for the headache he's sure she'll have in the morning.

Anyways, I know this ain't shippy, but I sure as hell value brixo friendship before they get into a relationship over time. Anyways, here's a little Christmas gift for you. I hope you're having a great time!

Oh this is so cute! And yes, I value their friendship too. I love a good friends-to-lovers.

I hope you don't mind, I decided that I liked this so much I wanted to write it out. Just a regular night, not the night shown in the episode.

What Are Friends For?

Bix hit the buzzer, leaning against the doorjamb. This was perhaps not the best idea, but she was bored and restless and maybe a quick screw would help burn both feelings off. 

"Hey," she purred when the 'com buzzed.

"Bix?"

She jolted upright. "Brasso? What are you doing here?"

The door swished open to reveal her old friend, looking as baffled as she felt. "In my own flat?"

"Wha - " She stepped back and looked around. The spotchka she'd drunk at the pub had blurred her perception so she hadn't noticed the colorful mugs lined up on his windowsill, or the  plant hanging just where the drainpipe would drip water into it, either of which should have tipped her off that she was at the wrong place. 

"Shit," she said. "I must've turned a row too early. I was on my way - well. Never mind. Sorry, Brass."

"It's all right." He cocked his head. "You're out late."

She crossed her arms. "I was having a few drinks. Is that all right?"

He didn't take the bait. He usually didn't. 

Ahhh, what was she getting bitchy for? It was just Brass being big-brotherish as usual. "Really. Sorry to bother you. See you."

"Have a good night," he said, forehead still folded in concern.

She turned to go and wobbled dangerously. Damn. How many drinks had she had?

"Here, Bix," he said behind her.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe I'd better walk you home. Or wherever you're going."

She was just drunk enough to want to snap, I'm not going to stagger into the drainage ditch and drown like your sot of a dad.

Just sober enough not to hurt her friend in that way.

And because his dad had met his end in that ditch, Brasso worried. What could it hurt to let him walk her home so he wouldn’t worry?

"Yeah, okay," she said finally. "Home's probably . . . best. Right now."

"Mmm." He snagged a raggedy cardigan and folded it over his arm. He didn't lock the door behind himself. This was Ferrix, after all. 

They walked down the row, and she felt him glancing over at her now and then. "So," he said, elaborately casual, when they'd turned down Rix Road. "You and Timm Karlo, is it."

She wasn't surprised. A lot of people thought Brasso was stupid because he was big and quiet and kind, and he let them think it, as far as she could tell. But he knew Timm lived one row over, in another of the tiny flats that all looked the same.

"You don't approve," she said. 

"You're a grown woman," he said, instead of denying the accusation. "You conduct your affairs as you see fit."

"So to speak?"

He gave her an intensely mild look. Oh yeah. He hated it. 

She hugged her elbows against the cool night air. "It's just casual," she found herself explaining. "It's just for fun, okay?"

"Okay." He held out the cardigan. 

She batted it away. "Kriff, Brass, it's Ferrix. My only options are someone I've known since diapers or someone who's only going to be in town for an evening."

"Or Cassian," Brasso observed. "But that ship has flown."

"Yeah. And exploded."

They both snorted with laughter, muffling it behind their hands for the sake of the dark-windowed houses they walked past. It wasn't funny, really, but when it came to her history with Cassian Andor, laughter was better than throwing things. 

"Where is he, these days?" she asked. "And what's he up to?"

"Oh, who knows. Nothing good, probably."

"But when he comes back, you'll invite him round for a drink again." She tried to make it a joke and didn't quite succeed. 

"Cassian's - " He paused, sighed. "Cassian's always needed something more than what we've got here. I don't blame him for it, is all. Don't get me wrong. He's done plenty to blame him for."

"I really blame him for all that money he owes me," she contributed.

"Same," he said. "But I don't blame him for what he needs, just because I - we - can't give it to him."

She hugged her elbows tighter and screwed up her mouth. That was probably a healthy way of looking at it. One she should adopt. But then, Brasso had always been a kinder person than her. 

He held out his cardigan again. This time she took it. He was so much taller than her that it fell to her knees and wrapped double over her front. It smelled like him, oil and hot metal, familiar and comforting. 

"Anyway," she said. "What's your problem with Timm?"

He veered into the subject change easily, as if he'd seen it coming.  "I've got no problem with Timm."

"Bullshit."

"I don't. He's fine. Works hard, doesn't cheat locals." 

"Then what's your problem with me and Timm?"

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and she thought she was going to have to prod him, when he said, "So, it's casual. That's what you said."

"Yeah," she said, fisting her hands in the pockets of the cardigan. If he was going to get judgmental on her - 

"It's just, he doesn't feel casually about you."

She blinked, mouth hanging open for a good five seconds before she snapped it shut. "What has he said?"

"He hasn't said anything. Not to me."

"So you, what? You just know?"

"I keep my eyes open," he said. 

"You think I'm going to break his heart."

"I'm not fussed about Timm's heart. That's his lookout. I'm worried he'll try to pull you along into something you don't want."

She stopped on a street corner to look up at him. Everyone else she'd talked to about Timm had gone on about how steady he was, how he had a good job. Would be a good provider. 

She didn't need to be provided for. She was doing all her own providing. She just wanted someone to get naked with on occasion, not somebody to give her babies and forever. Not yet.

Misinterpreting her silence, Brasso said, "Now, if you do want it, just tell me. Shut your mouth, Brasso."

He had his hands in his pockets. She shifted closer and threaded her arm through his, giving a little tug to keep them walking. "Like I could. Don't worry, Brass. I'll make sure he knows casual is all he's getting from me."

"Mmm," he said. "You so sure he'll listen?"

"Of course he will."

"Mmm," he said again, and didn't say anything more until they cut into the alley next to her shop and stopped at the side entrance. "Here's you."

She let go of him to unlock the door and then remembered something she'd been fixing for him. "Hey, I've got that caf maker all ready for you."

He looked pleased. "Have you?"

"Yeah, come in and get it. That way you'll have nice warm caf in the morning instead of the instant shit."

He followed her through the yard, putting his hand out only once when her foot caught on a junked up speeder, flat on the ground. 

"Thanks." She unlocked the back door of the shop and patted around the shelf next to the door until she found it. "Hah. Here. She'll work twice as good now."

"I have no doubt," he said, tucking the caf machine under his arm. "What do I owe you?"

"I put it on your account. And I don't want to see a chitty of it before payday, you hear?" He was making inroads on his dad's medical bills since he'd got promoted to shift head, but he was still struggling. 

"All right. Take a pain tab and drink a bottle of water before bed."

"Yes, Dad."

He tugged her braid lightly. "Never mind your sass, you'll thank me for it in the morning."

She would, and after the walk and the talk, she was just softened up enough that she didn't spit at him for it. 

The bored, restless, jagged feeling that had been haunting her all evening had dissipated, too. Maybe she needed to spend time with Brasso more often, instead of just exchanging hellos when she saw him in passing.

She walked him back to the street entrance so she could lock up behind him. As he turned down the street, she leaned out the door. "Hey, Brass!"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for walking me home."

"Anytime."

She closed the yard door, crossed the yard carefully, and went into her house. Ah, kriff. She still had his cardigan.

She shrugged and pulled it around herself. She'd get it back to him, sooner or later.

FINIS

[ackermanslov4r]

modern dad!levi and reader shopping for their kids christmas gifts <3

not proof read and maybe ooc but hey it's a christmas fluffly fic...

« No,y/n. There’s no way we’re buying that. »

His arms crossed over his chest,Levi slowly shook his head,showing his disapproval . Behind you was a cart already full of toys,making Levi afraid of how much it'll cost you.

Levi hated and loved christmas at the same time. He hated it because there was always a lot of money spent,a lot of things to prepare,and a lot of people to meet and thank. But he secretly loved how his family was always so excited for it,and he loved to see his children's excited face on christmas morning.

"C'mon Levi,I'm sure Isabel will love it."

"You mean our nearly ten years old daughter will love a unicorn pyjamas ? Even though she said yesterday that it was,let me quote,"for kids,and I'm not a kid anymore" ?"

You sighed,holding the sparkled clothe in front of you,a sudden sad look in the eyes. If he hadn't been with you, you would have definitely bought the whole store,not caring if your house and belongings had to be sell to afford it. Even if he wanted to make your children happy,Levi still wanted to have a roof over his head,and he'd insisted in coming with you.

"She'll always be a little kid in my eyes. And,at her age,you're still young enough to wear this ! Please ,Levi,just this one,and after this we're going to pay."

"Are you sure you want to buy it because she'll like it,or because you want to see her wearing it ?" He asked,already knowing the answer as you chuckled and leaned forward to kiss him.

"I'll take that as a "Yes,my dear y/n, you can buy it." And I'll also take it as a "you can ,of course,get it in another colour for Furlan,so he can match with his sister.""

Rolling his eyes,Levi pretended to be annoyed,badly hiding the small smirk on his lips. The cart was already full of too many gifts for your kid's already-too-messy-rooms-that-didn't-need-any-new-toys,but it was christmas,and Levi felt happy simply looking at how your face sparkled in excitement. And he'd never been able to tell you no.

Walking toward the cashier,Levi posed his hand on your back,tilting his head so his field of vision was resumed to your face.

"And what about you, what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas ? If all these gifts don't ruin us,I should try to get you something"

Smiling,you remained silent for a few seconds,and then said : "I'm already lucky to have a perfect husband who loves me even though I just spent the equivalent of three months salary,I shouldn't ask for too much."

And,not needing to look at him to know his face had just turned red as he coughed to hide his flustering,you began to put your purchases in a bag.

[cryptiql]

untitled god song

pairing: bakugou/m!reader (trans reader in mind you can see it if you squint but can also be read as cis)

words: 2k

warnings: themes of religious trauma, homophobia, mentions of blood, the author projecting their mommy issues

a/n: this is purely self indulgent, don't mind me 😩✋ (written in first person)

i wish i had known him before the pain started. perhaps it is a fools dream to think that his presence would have solved anything, and it is likely that he might blown me sky high at the time, if given the chance, but i often ponder his place in my narrative. he is nothing less than a king—nay, a god—and what else am i to be except his humble servant, adoring him in the only way i've been taught?

i would bruise my knees as i kneel for him, and should he turn me away, i shall be lost and without purpose. but he does not, and instead, he snorts out a laugh and pulls me to my feet, roughly squeezing my cheeks together with a shit-eating grin. he'll tell me a joke i've heard a thousand times, and yet i laugh with him anyways, the pads of my fingers idly tapping the pulse on his wrists.

"dumbass, at least take me out to dinner first."

i never thought i'd ache to hear such a demeaning nickname, but it's like birdsong to my ears, and i long for the myriad of butterflies it provokes.

i would heed his every word like a faithful disciple, and—if i knew he would not use this power for the wrong reasons—carry it out without question. he'll roll his eyes at the notion, far too prideful at the idea of being praised, and card hands through my hair, gripping softly. "right. and if i told you to go to bed before five in the morning, would you listen?"

my smiles are genuine, as they all are with him.

"no." i wish my mother had been more open-minded; more loving to those she claimed were goners. maybe then, i could still call her my mother, and not a snarled version of her first name steeped in vinegar. maybe she could have met him, and maybe she would have keeled over in the process, but that is how we put it "killing two birds with one stone".

he was a fallen angel if ever i saw one—emblazoned in smog and ravenous inferno, the pieces of child-like innocence turning to ash. something happened to him when he was a kid, just as all gifted children, and oh, what a fool i was to let my gaze dawdle on his gorgeous form. but i will never regret it—no, not ever—for there is no such feeling that can compare to his eyes on mine, burning with a mind-fogging intensity.

it was instantaneous, the moment my thoughts turned on me with malicious intent, her voice ringing out like a gunshot.

you'll never be him.

his hand slots with mine perfectly; deliciously warm and comforting in a way i haven't felt in years; and hauls me up, the flecks of dirt and rubble from the road clinging to my jeans.

"watch it, pretty boy. i won't always be here to save you, y'know."

my heart batters against my ribs like a caged bird, screeching and wailing to be set free, and i wonder in a haze if i've died. judgement day must have come early, i think, not realizing that it was spoken aloud until the blonde quirks a brow inquisitively. he does not speak on the matter, but continues on his merry way, leaving my helpless; hopelessly enamored; and praying that we will meet again.

no, i could never be him. but i am like him. he has a sureness in his walk and fervor in the way he talks that is only recognizable when i look in the mirror. and we do meet again. it is a shame, however, that i must burden him with the weight of my past. i remember too often the troubles of my youth, even when all has passed into fleeting memories that haunt me as ghosts do to an abandoned house. yet, i still live in this house, and the ghosts are here to keep me company.

i remember the church, first and foremost; nestled between the barren country road and the outback; a beacon of hope to all those who stood in its doors. the luster of freshly polished wood still sits in my mind, accompanied by the echoing remnants of dulcet tones and multicolored bands of light, glaring from the stained glass windows and dancing across the musty carpet floor. the doddering pews were just as uncomfortable as the poorly padded chairs squatting in the front row, but every sunday, they were filled to the brim with hungry worshippers. they sang praise as though they were starved, but i was too young to understand for what. i am older now, and i still don't understand. all i know is that despite its reputation, the church was a cursed place, and i should never set foot in it again lest i go mad. i remember the creaking stairs which lead downstairs, and the winding halls that reeked of torment where shadows loomed. the paint was corroding and foul, and my conscious always loitered too long on the merlot stain on the ceiling; its origin unknown, but nevertheless urging my stomach to twist with nausea.

i remember the feeling of tall grass grazing my ankles; itching horribly from the old moth-eaten socks i was forced to wear. it had become second nature—running and hiding from my problems, from the church, from her. i shall never know a greater animosity than the likes that my mother encouraged, although unintentionally, with her pressuring views and sickeningly sweet smile. it's fake, and i would know, because ours are the same.

we are too similar, and i am sickened by the fact. will i become the wretched woman she is? will i fail to be the father i've dreamt of being? it is an easy thing to fall prey to haunting questions, and it serves as brain rot for every moment of silence that leaves me clawing at my skin, trying to reap the memory of her touch. then i began to think—about nothing and everything—and it does not stop. i will be kind; unforgivingly so, and without biased judgement; like my mother never was, and i'll make her hate me for it. i will grow in leaps and bounds, not for her sake or for god's, but for mine, as it always should have been. i will drink and curse with reckless abandon and kiss who i damn well please, because in no life does she have have the power to make me something i'm not. why should i feel sorry when the tears she wept were forged by my own blood; by the childhood memories locked away to rot in my subconscious? yes, she has suffered too, but it is through clenched teeth and raw-bitten lips that i must confess this, for her suffering was born in me and grew from a seedling into a thorned flower, nourished by her hatred and mine. she'll tell me the lie of all mothers before her: that she knows best, and i'll never know joy that is not from my savior's gracious hands.

one day, when she lies not with words but in silence, under worm-filled earth and withering pastures, i'll tell her that she was right. i'll tell her, with his hand in mine, that my savior arrived with hellfire in his eyes and fury unrelenting. his tongue holds venom that would make the devil blush, but he tastes of a sinful sweetness that i've drowned in more times than i care to count.

mother you should know, my god is like no other. he has a broad chest and muscles, i attest, that are sculpted like fine marble and smooth to the test.

my god is a man who loves other men, unashamedly; in all that is true; and kisses me like real people do. and i know it sounds silly, and a bit cliché, and he'd surely make a mockery of me if ever he heard, but i love him. i love him as passionately as you she does lord above, and it is a crime in itself how much i crave him, so yes, i will burn for this—not because my mother said so or by the ancient script that foretells it, but because i promise it. i promise to let neither hell or high water deter me from that which gives me life, and i'll do so with a ring.

"you hear that mom?" i'll whisper in the dead of night, his body flushed against mine in the most delightful way; his fingers curled into my nightshirt, pulling me closer as listless mumbles fall from his parted lips. he is dead to the world amid his dream ridden stupor, but still leans into my touch when i smooth back the wild tufts of hair to kiss his forehead.

"i'm gonna marry him." part of me wishes she didn't live on the other side of the planet, just so i could rub it in her face, but i won't give her the satisfaction of seeing me again. i won't let her think she's won, because i know, and katsuki knows, that he and i are one in the same.

i do not know who i should thank for my stubbornness, be it my mother or my father, so i will thank the pain they both caused me, for it made me stronger than they ever could. no, i did not become a better person, because the scars have yet to heal from how deep they cut, and the smell of blood still lingers, and i am angrier than i once was, but i cherish my wounds. the stench of my agony has long since been subdued, and i have learned to swallow the sickness it evokes. and yes, this anger is unhealthy and i've chosen not to purge it from my mind like the weed it is, but how lucky am i to have found one whose malice rivals my own?

the tales of his glory have littered my notebooks in smudged ink. you would hate him, is scrawled messily on the last page, but i only feel giddy with excitement. you would hate him for his spite and his unapologetic behavior, and that is why he's perfect. he's everything you hate about this world, but everything i love.

so when she gets to heaven and asks the angels "why?", they'll tell her it was him who made the devil cry. him, who held me like she should have—could have, if she hadn't terrified me—and who chased the nightmarish visions of her from my weary mind with his callous palms and soft-spoken reassurances. i wish i had known him when we were young; when things were not so simple and i needed a hand to hold; but i suppose we'll have to settle for faded photographs and stories told through the bitter aroma of alcohol. that's more than enough, i muse to myself, legs hooked over his as i rest my head on his shoulder, keening softly at the gentle scrape of his nails on my scalp. his arms wind around my waist as he mutters something along the lines of "i love you", his lips curling into a smile, illuminated by the televisions glow.

so when they ask of my religion, i will think of only him. i will recall the way he looks at me, the sound of my name on his tongue, the feeling of his lips trailing between the valley of my breast; featherlight, cautious and unfitting for a man of his nature. i've written songs of praise, all dedicated to him, and if only he knew, oh how smug he would be. but i love him, i love him, i love him. and when he spins me around like a marionette, it is with overwhelming pride and joy that i tell him this, and with rose hued cheeks and bashful grumbles, he tells me the same. so mother, wherever you are, i hope you know i've found my god.

[grav3yardbb92]

ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE ( once upon a time)

Jefferson (Mad Hatter) x OC

Previously on once upon a time....

Jefferson was miserable and conflicted. He has stood in this enormous mansion, all alone, looking out this window. He had decided long ago that his daughter was better off where she was, with her new, better life, new family, new memories. It hurt him, but he could accept that. What he couldn't accept was the woman in the alley, beside Granny's, accepting scraps that Ruby handed her. It concerned him that she was only in a dirty purple dress, though it was at least forty degrees out, and the fact that she was also barefoot and was sleeping under a table on the patio of the diner. But what concerned him most was that he had looked over this town for the past twenty something years and hadn't seen her before. Not until the yellow bug pulled into town and stayed. All these years she was invisible to him and everyone else, but not anymore. Not ever again. He can't get his daughter or her memories back, but he can....no he will get you, his wife, back.

****Your pov**

" Kat?"

A male voice boomed amongst the silence that consumed the night. But it wasn't the voice that startled me, but what was said.

" What, where? I hate cats, I'm allergic to them" I studdered out, panic clear in my voice, causing the voice's owner to rush to my side.

" Whoa. I'm, I'm sorry, I was mistaking I guess" he looked shocked, and maybe a little nervous as he lifted me to my feet off of the dirty, wet concrete.

" Who are you? What do you want?" My questions are rushed out, curious as to why this stranger is here, talking to me. No one has been able to see or talk to me for long. Only recently has the pretty waitress been coming out of the diner with hot food, but she still doesn't say much.

" The name's Jefferson. I saw you here in the cold, thought you could use some help, maybe a place to stay, my house has more than enough room" he takes my hand, and we began walking amongst the empty streets.

" And what would your name be?" He ask, the look in his eyes almost saying he knows the answer, but how could he.

" Maddie" I answer, causing him to stop and give me another confused look, mixed with a bit of anger.

" Nope, that doesn't suit you"

*****A few days later*****

" That's her" Jefferson whispers into my ear as he directs the microscope as I look through it. I smile at the beautiful girl playing with her friends at school.

" If you know where our daughter is, why not get her back?"

" we can't" there is sadness in his eyes as he moves across the room.

" Why not? You came to me?" I push the subject, following him to the couch.

" You were alone and scared, she's happy, Kat" Apparently, that's my real name, and I've gotten used to hearing him say it. " You don't think she'll be happy with us, with her real parents?"

He answers me with a story, of us, a real family, happily living in the woods, selling mushrooms and hand-knit gifts at the market. But the money we made was barely enough for food and our Grace deserved more. His deal with the queen went wrong and I was left to raise her alone.

" She'll understand J. You were doing it for her, for our family" He nodded, but he still wasn't convinced. I could tell, he said that I always could, that my crazy matched his crazy.

'That's probably the reason that we get along'

***

I'm stood at the window, like I do every morning. I watch as Grace exits the bus and enters he school building. It hurts to watch. It was more bearable when she was happy, even if it was from fake memories, a fake family, she was still happy. WAS.

Two days ago, the curse was lifted, I could remember everything. My memories, crashed through my head like a flood. My first encounter with my husband, donning black leather and a top hat, venturing through wonderland. I hissed out as a sharp pain shot through my fluffy black tail, I glance upward as the man apologizes, scooping me into his hands, patting my glorious striped fur. " Well hello there"

" Meow!"

Along with my memories, came everyone else's. The entire town now flooded with fairytale characters, lost and confused, and missing their loved ones. Including my sweet Grace.

After countless hours of begging and pleading with my stubborn husband, I still could not talk him into reuniting with our poor girl. If I can't do it, who could?

" Of course, Henry”

****

It's so comforting to be in my animal form again, laying in the sunlight, cleaning my fur with my paws. I mew and stretch as I here the door click open and Jefferson enters. I rub my face against his shoes and he picks me up.

" Let's get our girl"