#but still mostly Jesse eisenberg

[fuckyeahfightlock]

My first scary movie for HorrorFlickTober 2023 is one I'd been hearing about but mostly ignored because of Jesse Eisenberg's curly hair.

It's a miracle I avoided spoilers on Vivarium (2019), for which I am grateful. It is so deliciously weird (dare I say even in a few novel ways, which is not easy anymore, when everything's been done and done and done to death), and disquieting, and every turn in the road just adds to the weirdness and the mindbending sense of What the entire fuck is going on here, and how is it going to be resolved?. It's almost a thriller, because there are no jump scares, no gore, no monsters, but I'd still put it on the Horror shelf at Blockbuster. Because it's horrifying.

Suburban nightmares; Anderson from Sherlock in the role he was born to play; British actress with one of those doll faces, baby bangs, and dark eyebrows; no spoilers because you only get to see it for the first time, once. And you should definitely see it. What a trip.

[frogxxam]

game grumps fav quotes masterlist

this post will be compiling every quote that makes me brain go brr, the videos are not included bc i am lazy

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"It's Clifford the big red stab wound" - Dan

just the entire brain juice clip

"[As Monika] Shutting down" - Arin

arin saying "motherfucking" in the middle of a sentence and dan completing it with "jesse eisenberg"

the entire thruth seeker power washing episode

"(paraphrased)

Dan: Well it wouldnt have happened today cus I'm rocking that manbun because it's 180 degrees outside

Arin: Hmhum- 185

Dan: Yes- Oh yeah, I was thinking 180 because that's the angle that I took when I walked outside and was like 'nope'"

"Are you seriously? No! why? I'll miss you" - Dan as Arin is about to eat a disgusting mix of cheerios flavours

"I'm such a stupid moron why did I even born!" - Arin

"No, I was uh- lying." - Dan

"All these people… they want this cleaning dick!" - Arin

"Essentially the audio version of yassified by space bear" - Dan

"Arin: It's making my butthole quiver

Dan: That's my job!"

"Arin: It's BPA free!

Dan: Buplic bissplays of affection?"

"I've created the nipple forest!" - Dan

"You're bringing a new vessel for microplastics into the world" - Arin

"[talking about a guy who watched his family get sick]

Arin: To each his own man

Dan: What does that- that is not an appropriate time to use that-"

"Arin: Do you want to touch boobs with me?

Dan: I mean of course but I don't see what that has to do with anything going on right now"

"Ah Man! But I made so much far go process… wow" - Dan

"Oooh I feel on the toilet…" - Arin

"I am merely a vessel for God's soft serve chocolate ice cream" - Dan

"Arin! I'm a motherfucking starboy, and I don't need to listen to this!" - Dan

"I know! But doesn't- don't the people want the best of the world- hold on [laughs]" - Arin

"I've been hearing the term 'serving c word' lately, I don't fully know what it means" - Dan

"DID I MAKE THE BEEFY TEA?" - Dan

"THATS ARIN IM DAN THERE IS NO GOD THIS IS SONIC HEROES" - Dan

"[Quoting Arin] Sonic Heroes: Life can't always be good!" - Dan

"[Talking about being secretly in love with Sonic] I'm like god! I show my love in mysterious ways!" - Arin

"PUT DOWN THE PHONE, AND FUCKING GAME GRUMPS!" - Arin

"Cheetahs have stripes that go in a circle" - Arin

"Do you think I came out the pussy drawing fucking Mozart?" - Arin

"Show me your Math Dick, I wanna suck it" - Arin to Dan

"There's gotta be religion to the fact that God hates me!" - Dan, after losing a turn in Wheel of Fortune

"Arin: What's up Princey-Paysas!

Dan: How you doin' Pooplers! We're play- we're playing Pooplers."

"Arin: I'm a toilet boy. I'm a toilet boy.

Dan: [in the starboy mellody] I'm a motherfucking toilet boy~"

"Arin: I can't believe you! The power that you possess within that intestinal tract

Dan: Thanks, god- if only it were this easy in real life"

"[About Weird Al]

Dan: But, like, it's okay uh- we're still buds, and he sends us Christmas cards every now and then

Arin: That's true- Every now and then? Every Christmas!

Dan: Christmas, mostly. Yeah."

"You're sawd?! I'm the one who has to move the sticks around! You just get to hang out on bed! I'm over here moving buttons!" - Arin

"Let's fucking go-varies!" - Dan

"You know, all it takes to make a dungeon into a sex dungeon is a little bit of planning" - Brian

"That cake is sus" - Dan

"Theres not a dry spot on my pants anymore" - Arin

"You know what I call my beard? A chin-chilla" - Arin

"Dan: Uhm- Some times you just like- Drive things home, by like, sort of finding another way say the same thing you know what I mean?

Arin: Yea

Dan: Like- Man this place is full of guys I'd like to fuck and Your Dad!"

"I would marry cheese if I could" - Arin

"Cut my life in two cheeks" - Dan

"Arin: Can you hear the baby kicking?

Dan: The ass baby?"

"Oh my god he's hot again" - Arin, about Ganon

"[Beat boxing] Fourgive me, fivegive me" - Arin

[madokasfanficstories]

Kyosaya Shenanigans Ch. 1: MARK ZUCKERBERG!!!

This is a collection of Sayaka and Kyoko reenacting numerous moments from the Let's Play channel, Game Grumps. Basically, Arin Hanson is Kyoko and Dan Avidan is Sayaka. Just take the dialogue from the Grumps and have Sayaka and Kyoko say them and have a good laugh. Warning: Strong language and suggestive content. Readers discretion is advice.

In this chapter, Sayaka & Kyoko are playing video games when Sayaka decides to bring up a particular text conversation they had earlier in the day. What's Kyoko's response?

Sayaka and Kyoko are in the living room, playing Super Mario 64 (well it's mostly Kyoko playing and Sayaka watching) when Sayaka decides to bring up an important text.

Sayaka: Hey Kyoko.

Kyoko: What?

Sayaka: Can I share something with you from earlier today?

Kyoko: What is it, Sayaka?

Sayaka: Well, I sent you a text, early in the morning.

Kyoko: Yeah?

Sayaka: Because I have to go out of town for one weekend this month. And so I was like, Do you have any preference whether I go this weekend or the next weekend?

Kyoko: Yeah.

Sayaka: Your response-

Kyoko: [laughing]

Sayaka: At 9:30 in the morning. MOTHERFUCKING JESSE EISENBERG JESUS CHRIST FUCK GIRL MOTHERFUCKING FACEBOOK MOVIE BULLSHIT JESUS CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT?

Kyoko: [laughing]

Sayaka: I-I was... stunned by it.

Kyoko: You just made my day.

Sayaka: I didn't know what to say?

Kyoko: [still laughing]

Sayaka: So I respond, I have no idea what we're talking about right now.

Kyoko: [giggling]

Sayaka: 45 minutes pass, I get a text from you. GODDAMN CREATED FACEBOOK AND FUCKING LAWYERS AND SHIT RIGHT FUCKING WINKLEVOSS TWINS GODDAMN ROWING THE BOAT FUCK YOUR SHIT I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS SHIT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT? FUCK I JUST WATCHED THIS SHIT FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN.

Kyoko: [laughs again]

Sayaka: I respond, Kyoko, you're scaring me. An hour passes, you respond, MOTHERFUCKING SPIDER-MAN SPIDER-MAN YOU PUT IN THE TIME FUCK PUT IN THE TIME MOTHERFUCKING BUILD SHIT WITH HIS BARE HANDS FUCKING BEST FRIEND SHIT JESSE EISENBERG. I'm very tired.

Kyoko: [laughs even harder]

Sayaka: I'm just like, No problem girl, I'll do most of the witch hunting for you today. Immediate like response, I'm talking like five seconds later. NO GIRL I'LL JUST TALK ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE ALL DAY SHIT GIRL YOU HAVE TO BE SO INTERESTED IN THE SHIT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE FACEBOOK MOVIE FUCK MAN I JUST WATCH IT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN HE FUCK OVER SPIDER-MAN CRAZY WINKLEVOSS TWINS ROWING TRENT RESIN OR DID THE SOUNDTRACK FUCK THIS GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK I DON'T LIKE DIE I CAN'T THINK OF WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK ALL I CAN THINK IS THE GUY WHO PLAYED THE GUY WHO INVENTED FACEBOOK WHO THE FUCK INVENTED FACEBOOK? And then, in all capital letters, two hours later. MARK ZUCKERBERG!!!

Kyoko: [loses her shit]

Sayaka: What the fuck?

Kyoko: I swear to kami-sama, okay. First of all-

Sayaka: [starts losing it]

Kyoko: I have to wake up supremely early.

Sayaka: I was crying reading those.

Kyoko: Really?

Sayaka: Yeah!

Kyoko: Oh that makes me happy.

Sayaka: Well, I didn't like... I didn't want to call you out and be like "What are you talking about anymore?" cuz I was afraid you'd stop. So I was just like, I'll just calmly keep responding with my own agenda, and see what happens.

Kyoko: Uh I had to wake up way earlier then I usually wake up to take Mami to the airport. And then on the way fucking back-where the fuck is the fucking bridge-on the way back, I was just so tired. And I just saw this wh...

Sayaka: You were texting that while slaying witches?

Kyoko: N-No no no no, here's the thing. That was all Siri.

Sayaka: [burst out laughing]

Kyoko: So that's why it was just fucking nonsense.

Sayaka: [still laughing]

Kyoko: [misses the star] Nope.

Sayaka: That was insane.

Kyoko: Um, but as I was leaving the airport, I saw this fucking kid that looked just like that American actor Jesse Eisenberg.

Sayaka: Ohhh.

Kyoko: And then it got me thinking about Jesse Eisenberg and the Facebook movie, and then I was just, "Fucking Jesse Eisenberg man." and then I had my phone in my hand because I just started GPS situation.

Sayaka: Oh sure.

Kyoko: And then I was just like... [makes Siri noise]

Sayaka: Hee hee.

Kyoko: "Hey, hey uh... text Sayaka, FUCK JESSE EISENBERG MAN!"

Sayaka: [erupted with laughter]

Kyoko: And then it just made me laugh really hard, so I just kept going.

Sayaka: [laughing]

Kyoko: And I was really surprised that it stayed on track  with everything I said.

Sayaka: It is amazing. Can I tell you the voice I think you were talking to Siri in now that I know that?

Kyoko: Yeah.

Sayaka: [mimicking Kyoko] FUCK IT ALL SPIDER-MAN AND SHIT FUCKING DOESN'T EVEN KNOW FUCKING! That's how I imagined it was.

Kyoko: That is exactly how I was...

Sayaka: Wow wow.

Kyoko: And I was just like, "FUCKING JESSE EISENBERG AND SHIT FUCK TRENT REZNOR DID THE MUSIC!"

Sayaka: Trent Resin or.

Kyoko: [laughs]

Sayaka: R-E-S-I-N space O-R. [laughs]

Kyoko: Oh that shit made me-No, but seriously. After I was done with that, I was-that was an actual fucking text when I was like, "What the hell is the guy who made Facebook's name? What the fuck is his name?" 

Sayaka: Yeah.

Kyoko: And I was just like, for fucking two hours of nothing but slaying witches and familiars, I'm like [slaps her knee] "What is his name? All I can think of is Jesse Eisenberg!"

Sayaka: Yeah, and it's another berg name so it's close.

Kyoko: Yeah. And then finally like as I was in the alleyway changing back, I was like, "MARK ZUCKERBERG!" and I had to be like "Text Sayaka. MARK ZUCKERBERG!"

Sayaka: Oh my kami-sama, all caps, all caps. I'm fucking, I mean honestly, knowing that, I'm lucky you didn't just fucking run over to my bedroom window and just start banging.

Kyoko: [laughs] [makes banging sound] Oh my god, that would have been fucking amazing!

Sayaka: While banging my window, just screaming Mark Zuckerberg.

Kyoko: [laughs slightly harder] MARK ZUCKERBERG!

Afterwords, they both resume they gaming session until it was time to go home.

The End

***

More coming soon.

[romancomicsnews]

Movie Redo: My take on Batman's Insurgency from The Snyder Cut

While I was not crying out for more Snyder content, I was surprisingly impressed with Zack Snyder's Justice League. Yes, it is a long, and a little heavy on slow motion, but it had a vision that in my opinion, make his first two movies better. I don't think I connect with it in the same ways other do, but clearly it invokes passion.

While Zack Snyder's Justice League brought closure to a lot of DC fans, it brought a want for more from a lot of others, particularly in its closing scenes involving the Knightmare.

This battle between Batman, heroes, and an evil Superman has been teased throughout Batman vs Superman and The Snyder Cut. While I don't think this will ever truly happen, I want to focus on one aspect of the film that boggled my mind, the team that Batman assembles.

Batman assembles of team of heroes and villains to fight Superman, which in theory is a lot of fun and should be a team worth rooting for. However it is made up of (mostly in hindsight) some problematic stars and questionable choices in characters, none whom I believe could actually defeat Superman.

I want to go through the DCEU and make a team of heroes and villains that I think 1) would join up with Batman 2) would be able to put up a fight against Superman and 3) would make for an interesting movie.

Stipulations for myself are no heroes introduced after The Snyder Cut, as Zack would not have had access to them. So sorry, no Blue Beetle, no Supergirl, no Black Adam. But any heroes and villains introduced before then are fair game.

I also want to generally keep the same types of characters that are on the team. Let's say two villains, two younger heroes, and two Leaguers.

First, let's look at who is staying:

Keepers

Besides Batman, I only have the one.

I think having a Justice League member who remembers what Superman was like and to have Batman's back is a great idea. While I do love the Barry and Bruce relationship in comics and other media, Ezra Miller is not a person I can stand behind nor do I want to see in more movies for a long while.

Ray Fisher was done dirty by Warner Bros and Joss Whedon. He is a fantastic actor and plays my favorite character in Zack Snyder's Justice League. Bringing him along as both muscle and tech support makes sense. And given his technology being of alien origin, he may have a chance of actually putting up a fight against Superman.

In this film, I want Cyborg to represent the hope for Humanity. He has been taken over by something terrible, like alien technology, and has overcome it. Despite everything that has happened, Cyborg still believes they can save the world, and Superman. I think it would be a nice change of pace for the character and keep him at the heart of the film.

Now let's go on to the fun ones.

The Villains

The DCEU has a surprising amount of villains to choose from when it comes to people who would join the team. While both Joker and Deathstroke are fun fan favorite characters, I think for this cast, we can do better.

While I love the idea of Joe Manganiello as Deathstroke, he doesn't seem suited for a fight with the Man of Steel.

Similarly, Jared Leto's Joker seems like a pointless nuisance at best. Having a crash wild card on the team seems fun, but wrong direction.

Let's start with the obvious pick.

Lex Luthor

If we are doing a world where Superman truly goes evil, why not get help from the man who has been saying he would the Whole Time?!

I'm not a huge fan of Jesse Eisenbergs Lex Luthor, but in the post credits scene, he had seemed to calm down quite a bit, and seemed closer to the Luthor we know and love.

I still don't know if he entirely would nail it, but having Luthor on the team adds that same level of uneasiness Joker does while adding competence.

Luthor could have a chip on his shoulder with a lot of "I told you all" energy I love. And with his strong knowledge on Superman, and maybe a mech suit, he'd be incredibly useful against Superman.

I think we missed an opportunity to further Luthor's involvement in this universe in a fun and interesting way, and he should absolutely be a part of this team.

Ocean Master

While I did love the inclusion of Mera, I did not love the inclusion of Amber Heard. Having a violent Atlantean out for blood and vengeance for Arthur's death is a fun concept. Which brought me to his brother, Orm.

My hope is in Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, Orm comes to an understanding and love for his brother. If that were true, Superman killing his brother (and likely the world's oceans) would put him on a warpath with Orm.

I think Orm is one of those characters elevated by the actor playing him, Patrick Wilson. And given Wilson and Snyder have worked together, I think the collaboration is in order.

I think Orm is a good middle ground between Mera and Deathstroke, filling out both roles all while bringing an angry, violent energy to the team.

Heroes

While there are quite a few heroes in the DCEU, I tried to pick heroes Batman has not interacted with, or that would join his cause. Let's start with the bigger ask:

Harley Quinn

If we want to match that chaotic Joker energy, Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn is the better way to go about it. This would be reminiscent of the Injustice Games where she goes good, following Batman's lead as his second in command.

She can represent how far both she and Bruce have come, having put aside their differences, even forgiving her for the death of Robin. While I know she's not the truest hero, we only see her as a protagonist throughout her films, and I'd like to keep her that way.

While I don't think she's the most useful in a fight against Superman, I think she still adds much needed humor to the bruting team. Plus, we can give her a Kryptonite hammer and boom, she's in the fight.

I also want a character who can annoy Lex with her presence. I think those two would be at each other's throats the entire time.

And Finally:

Shazam!

If there is one thing Batman is known to do, it's recruit a kid. While we can't have the Black Adam/Superman match up the Rock so desperately wants, we can have a more competent Billy Batson on the team.

As a hero with similar powers and magic at his disposal, Shazam would be the most capable in a fight against Superman. In this version, he has lost his Shazamily, and now hones the power of all of the Council of Wizards, making him the ideal foe for Superman.

Batman not having an absolute tank on his team in the fight against Superman is insane. Shazam serves as Bruces back up plan incase they run into Superman. While he doesn't truly believe Billy can beat him, he thinks Shazam could sacrifice himself and save the others in time to come up with a true plan.

Levi can add comedy but mix in drama and sadness of his lost family. Levi's acting is often underutilized in the Shazam films, and under Snyder we may get some absolute gold.

Having a powerful Wizard, an Atlantean King, a Genius, a Motherbox enhanced Cyborg and one of the best members of the Suicide Squad on a team together led by Batman gives us not only a colorful cast of characters, but the DCEU a fighting chance against Superman.

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to support me you can:

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[kafa1010]

It's already 4am here and I'm thinking about "Bream Gives Me Hiccups" that translated to Chinese. Then I miss my Chinese follower friends on Chinese blogs... At my hard times, they be there for me... Talking and sharing some Jesse Eisenberg stuff with me.

Later, the event about Western fandom is no more... That event that I planned to go to share my stuff since I already graduated and I have time... Plus, just into western stuff. Maybe like... wish to see some people who knows about TSN and or actively talking about Jesse or Andrew Garfield.

My Chinese skills is almost zero and yeah... Textbooks and internet slang words are so different and mostly I'm clueless with my Google Translate is my friend. Mostly they are nice to me...

They are so active. Like, they post a throwback photos and some conference things that I don't even know exist. TSN tag still update from times to times. They sell goods too. They also still work on translate the video to Chinese, which some of them I don't even know exist again. Some of the video they even put the English subtitles which is so nice because English isn't my native language. Plus, the video like... How to say? A fanvid? Um... I cried over a video about Jewnicorn and watch it most of the time. The music... The editing... made me cry.

And... Anyone who watch the video which Jesse recorded the fan saying "Please brush your teeth." ? I want to talk to you how the overall meeting (?) was so phenomenal and I want to say thank you for Chinese fans who put English subtitles and provide the video there. Even my English is umm... Yeah.

[gentleoverdrive]

(241/?) Those constant moves!

Thanks to the goofy business going around in this hellsite (affectionate) wrt Martin Scorcese's non-existent yet somehow more relevant-than-ever companion piece to Mean Streets that shall go unnamed, I decided to watch 3 movies yesterday, which was my extra day off work. And, like, can we stop pretending Aaron Sorkin is a good TV/Movie writer and not just a has-been that has stagnated for the better part of his career? ---- The first two movies were fun as can be: - Mean Streets, a legit fun and fairly re-watchable flick if you ever get in the mood for old crime dramas that aren't marred down by pointless (and let's be honest, sometimes harmful) nostalgia. - The Princess Bride, which remains a phenomenal, (mostly) lighthearted romp for the ages. ---- Again, both movies accomplish what they're out to do and are hella entertaining, even after all these years. For the third movie, my brother-in-law picked The Social Network and let me come forward for a moment: I used to like the way Aaron Sorkin wrote when I was younger, but damn does his writing age out terribly. Like worse than milk going spoiled. He's like Charles Bukowski, but without the transgressive charm that's at least occasionally fun on a re-read. ____ (From here on I'll basically ranting against Aaron Sorkin's writing style. if mildly irate, unnecessarily foul-mouthed tirades are not your thing, I absolutely understand and deeply apologize. I'll post something far more agreeable tomorrow. Feel free to skip this one.)

---- Like sure, I know that making an interesting movie about Mark Zuckerberg + the creation of facebook was a tall order as it were already, and in that aspect, Sorkin absolutely delivered because some things about the film are actually attention-grabbing, but goddamn, his dialogue is still as stilted and house-of-cards-esque as ever. ---- And like, it's fine, you don't need to write dialogue like everyone else, dialogue that feels natural or what-have-you, it'd be boring if everyone sounded the same. But holy shit, it feels like I'm watching Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield et al and they're taking turns RP'ing as different aspects of Aaron Sorkin's psyche. ---- How has he remained a staple of television and cinema for 30 fucking years and the dude hasn't learned to write fun dialogue for either medium? It legit baffles more than a little bit. Like yes, I get that he started as a playwright, and it absolutely shows on his early films like A Few Good Men, Malice and the American President; the beat of a theater play is there. It's janky, but for those films, it absolutely works. The same mostly goes for his first TV series, Sports Night. ---- But holy fuck, I remember when I had to watch the West Wing with a couple of bosses to kill the time back in the 00's. Like the "walk and talk" schtick does a good job of concealing it, and the actors sell you on the dialogue well enough sometimes with their delivery (Allison Janney was, bar none, the best actor in the show), but holy shit was the West Wing consistently fucking terrible. ---- Anyway, my recommendation? Skip the Social Network and just buy the soundtrack, because not even with all the incredible talent on set and behind cameras (David Fincher directing, Jeff Cronenweth as cinematographer and Trent Reznor + Atticus Ross doing the soundtrack) does this thing elevate beyond mediocre, and it only further proves that Holywood will just never stop huffing its own farts until it's too late to correct course. Have yourselves a good night and read you later, alligator!

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Birds ~ Stan Uris (Part 2)

Word Count: 2623

Anon: Pidge

MASTERLIST

I just want to watch the birds go by from my handy fold-able blue canvas throne. I wanna watch them fly and fly and see them soar up into the unknown...

Stan swallowed, hesitant to answer. But really, there wasn't much he could do other than just not answer and walk away which, however he felt about Y/n, wasn't how you treated your friends, and Stan couldn't deny that's what they were. Friends. Y/n had done too much in the name of friendship, especially for him. So he internally sighed and admitted, "Birdwatching."

Y/n's eyes widened. "Birdwatching?"

Stan shrugged, suddenly self conscious.  What about it? "Yeah... You know, sitting quietly with a book and a pen with binoculars, looking for birds. For hours." He tried to make it sound as boring as possible, because it wasn't eventful at all. Sometimes the birds didn't even come and he would see the same two pigeons for hours. It was the awe of life and admiration for birds in general that brought him to do what he did. Surely Y/n wouldn't appreciate it?

Y/n thought for a second, tilting their head before smiling softly. "I've never done that before!" They announced solidly and before they even asked, Stan's heart sunk into his stomach. "Mind if I join you?"

Stan almost says yes, he very much DOES mind... but he doesn't. "No not at all." How did this person at all find the idea of doing something that was so against their personality at all a good idea? We're they just THAT desperate to spend time with someone? Were they really so incapable or being alone? Why was it him that they were so insistent on spending time with?!

What he wasn't considering is that not only did Y/n have very strong feelings for Stan and desperately wanted to spend time with him specifically, but they also tended to adapt to those around them. They were usually pretty chill and curious, only talking when they had a question or when spoken to. It was Eddie and Richie's banter and loud volumes that had brought the extreme extrovert out of them. With Bill, Y/n could sit still for hours while watching a movie or drawing. With Mike, Y/n was a more calm and neutral instead of being especially loud or smiley or sunshine-like. Ben brought out Y/n's curiosity which made them talkative because they had so many questions.

With Stan, therefore, Y/n would be able to sit perfectly still and have no problem at all. In his determination to ignore Y/n and his feelings for them, he had missed huge parts of her personality, lumping her with Richie as just another Trashmouth with an annoyingly long lasting positive mind set.

The idea of bird watching - observing and sitting quietly and spending time with someone she liked while he was in his natural habitat, having endless possibilities to learn something new - was amazing to Y/n. And the way Stan said and explained it, even wen he was trying to make it sound lame, set a light in his eyes and a relaxation to his shoulders that made Y/n even more exited. It sounded refreshing.

"Where and when do you do this?" Y/n asked.

"Early in the morning - just after sunrise - to about lunch, at the park. I might go back if it was a really active day until dinner and then go home."

Y/n nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow then," Y/n announced before turning away and leaving Stan to go into his house. Stan shook his head. No way they were coming. They would think it over, get out of the moment, and realize how dumb it was and they wouldn't show up.

Stan was surprised. Y/n plopped down next to him at 7am with a soft smile, offering him a friendly, "Good morning."

Unsure how to feel about this unexpected turn of events, Stan returned an uncertain upturn of the corners of his mouth- more a grimace than a smile. "You came." Y/n shot him a look and e quickly added, "Good morning."

"I said I was coming," Y/n reminded gently, pulling an ice box next to them. "And I did."

Stan looked at the red icebox with furrowed brows. "What's that?"

Y/n looked over, following his eyes. "Oh! I didn't know what you do on terms of snacks but I'm constantly hungry. So I got a bunch of snacks together. I missed breakfast to do it actually." They laughed. "You can have some if you want. I brought too much, because I love to be prepared."

Stan looked away. "I'll pass."

"You're loss," Y/n sighed, pulling out a granola bar and unwrapping it, throwing the wrapper back in the box. Stan was glad they didn't shove it in a pocket or litter, that would have driven him insane and he already felt uncomfortable and on edge.

Attention turned to the skies as Y/n looked with bare eyes and Stan used his binoculars.  It was calm and quiet other than the odd wrapper shuffle every half and hour or so as Y/n pulled out another small snack, ate it, and then waited until hunger prodded at them again.

Y/n leaned close as a bird flitted between the branches of a tree, pointing so Stan saw where they were looking before asking, "What's that bird?"

Oh great, Stan thought. This is when they get annoying. At least they had swallowed all their food before speaking. Stan pulled up his binoculars. "It's a Mourning Dove," he answered. "They're really common basically everywhere." Y/n nodded, staying quiet, and Stan found himself absentmindedly adding, "The sound they make is often mistaken for the hoots of owls."

Y/n grinned at him. "You've got bird fun facts?" Their eyes sparkled and Stan swore something inside of him exploded. They cared? About birds? Wait like actually? "Please tell me all of them as you think of them."

"Uh," Stan deadpanned. "Sure." This was not going at all like he had imagined it would.

The day continued like that. Y/n was quiet until they or Stan noticed a bird, and then they would ask for the bird's name and Stan would answer and then give a said 'fun fact'.

On top of the genuine fascination that looked absolutely adorable on Y/n’s face, for the first time ever in the time Stan had known them, Y/n was still and quiet if not asking questions, which themselves were fairly rare, brief, and whispered. Y/n wasn’t a nuisance. They weren’t loud or annoying or bothersome or even distracting. No crude jokes or long speeches about this or that that were poetic or beautiful. Just quiet observation and the occasional inquiry to path gaps in their knowledge.

It was... INCREDIBLY attractive.

When lunch came around, Y/n pulled out sandwiches and Stan was surprised at how fast the time had passed. They are in quiet and it was actually kind of... nice? There was something about turning to someone equally as excited as him and sharing fun facts and just getting into an activity that he was so passionately in love with. Stan LOVED birds and he had always been so irritated that people couldn’t understand that beside the simple wonder of being able to fly, birds were so fantastic. Cute and methodic and graceful and beautiful. It was relaxing and thrilling and exciting and soothing to share that with Y/n and see them be as into it as he was.

Stan found himself getting extra excited upon seeing a bird they hadn’t encountered yet, sharing new facts, or upon seeing a bird they’d already seen for which he had a fact about that he hadn’t shared with Y/n yet.

Be the time they were taking things down to leave, Stan felt kind of sad. This had been fun, even though he wouldn’t admit it even to himself. Y/n, on the other hand, smiled to themself and laughed lightly. “I’ll see you next time?”

There was still a stubborn part of Stan refusing this whole thing, but he DID want to see them again. Do this again. All he did was shrug. “Sure, if you want. I obviously can’t stop you.”

After seeing Stan’s smile and pretty eyes and hearing his low voice and soft laugh - sounds he didn’t realize he was making - and generally spending time with him, Y/n would take that. They nodded and turned away, leaving Stan alone. For now.

But I'd feel just like a nerd, watching birds watching me here all alone

By the next bird watching session, Stan had re-convinced himself that Y/n was obnoxious and not made for birdwatching. Seeing them around the others reignited the memories and ideas that he had held onto so easily before, dismissing the quiet, calm Y/n as some manipulation of memory as he desperately tried to make the day enjoyable.

Perhaps they'd mumbled too quietly for his inverted self to hear, or zoned out. Surely they hadn't been as invested and excited as he remembered. No one could be as in love with birds and their simple nature as he was.

In fact, Y/n surely wouldn't come the next time. After realizing how boring and ridiculous and dorky the whole thing was, Y/n wouldn't come again. They had stayed as an act of politeness last time, not able to come up with a reason to leave or wanting to make Stan feel back for liking something they surely found so dull and lifeless. This time, though, they wouldn't come and they'd have some lame excuse but Stan wouldn't mind. He wanted the quiet and seclusion more than anything.

To his utter annoyance, Y/n showed up. With their red icebox and a tranquil smile on their face. “Hey Stan the Man,” Y/n declared before plopping down and returning to the same quiet, peaceful curiosity they had displayed the last time.

Stan tried to reason that was being fake or trying to pull something, but as they hung out time and time again, it was quickly becoming clear that Y/n simply... ENJOYED birdwatching. They loved learning new things and being quiet and chill and just spending time with Stan, which made absolutely no sense but seemed to be true nonetheless.

The entire time Stan found himself growing accustomed to Y/n’s presence while silently ranting about how unwanted and annoying they were. Because, of course, all of the little feelings Stan was gettin in his chest and stomach were sudden and sharp and u comfortable so they had to be related to the annoyance he usually felt right? A special kind of annoyance, just for Y/n. They sure frustrated him enough for it to be annoyance.

One day, Y/n didn’t show up. Stan realized he was waiting for them and shook his head, grabbing his binoculars and continuing the rest of the day without Y/n. And their stupid snacks and annoying questions and persistent presence and disturbing, soft chuckles.

About halfway through, he couldn’t fight it anymore. Something was wrong. He had forgotten something at home. Or perhaps his gear wasn’t placed as perfectly in place as he’d thought.

No matter how hard he tried, no amount of thinning or fiddling did anything but frustrate him. There was something wrong. It was too quiet. The birds weren’t active today, as if sending that Stan was already on edge and not right and working to make his day even worse.

At one point he saw another Mourning Dove and thought of Y/n. He stared at it, his body sagging and his shoulders slumping and the corners of his lips sinking in a frown. This wasn’t fun anymore. It wasn’t relaxing or interesting. He saw another bird and went to tell Y/n a fun fact but she wasn’t there. He saw a bird that he hadn’t seen in a few months and Y/n wasn’t there to get excited with him.

He felt... he felt... ALONE. He had always felt nice being alone, never understanding the empty or nagging feeling of loneliness. Being alone wasn’t a bad thing to Stan like it was to the other Losers. At least, it never had been... until today.

After lunch, Stan didn’t go back to the park to try again. He just went home, thoroughly displeased.

“Where were you yesterday?”

Y/n jumped, startled, and turned to face Stan with wide eyes. “I- I was sick.”

Stan’s annoyed expression deepened as if Y/n being sick was a personal insult. “You didn’t come. Or even tell me you weren’t coming. You just didn’t come.”

Raising a hand to run the back of their neck, Y/n shrugged. “I... didn’t think you’d care, honestly, Stan. You’re always complaining under your breath when you think I can’t hear you and you look constantly annoyed. I feel like I’m ruining the last thing keeping you together. Killing your first born child.”

There was a pause where Stan mulled over those words. “I don’t care, first of all.” Bill rolled his eyes, he and Eddie smirking at each other in a knowing way - the exchanged went missing by everyone else. No one knew Stan as well as Eddie, Bill, and Richie, and Richie was too distracted to notice. Thankfully too because he would have made some outrageous joke and ruined the moment. “I just like to know what’s happening and when I’m involved in things,” Stan finished, shrugging. “You said you were going to come and then you didn’t. It was rather peaceful without you there.”

Y/n stood there a second, eyes glazed over as they thought. “You noticed I wasn’t there.”

Stan couldn’t help but blush. Y/n was so friggin cute and gosh these emotions that had been ignited were hard to deal with! “I noticed you weren’t there to annoy me,” Stan quipped sharply.

A little giggle escaped Y/n. “Well, no worries Stan, next time I get sick I will let you know. Otherwise, you will always have me there to annoy you.” They grinned and Stan’s stomach flipped. “I give you my word.”

Stan struggled to play it off as a smile rugged threateningly at his lips, his brain full of peace and ease. She was just sick. She wasn’t bored or leaving, she was just sick. Just once. She would be back next time. “Whatever,” he managed to get out.”

Y/n chuckled. “So what did I miss?”

Stan looked away, resisting the urge to tell her about the Mourning Dove he’d seen that had reminded him of Y/n and how the park felt cold and too quiet without them there by his side to keep the thick silence away. He wanted to explode and tell Y/n about the new bird and the fact that it meant. He wanted to infuse the memories into her mind and the pretty colors and movements that always fascinated her. But he didn’t. He couldn’t even begin to explain because there was something about birdwatching that requires you to be there to properly appreciate it.

Instead, he only sighed. “Not much. Saw yet another Mourning Dove, and a new bird.”

Y/n rocked on her feet. “Which bird? And you better have a fact for me, Uris.”

This time Ben looked at Bill and Eddie who were grinning like morons, trying and failing to hide their excitement at Y/n finally making progress with Stan.

Mike looked between them all, his confusion evident at the sudden streaming chemistry between Y/n and Stan and the weird expressions on his friends’ faces. Richie distracted him, as they were talking, and the day continued.

When Stan’s smile slipped and exposed itself, it didn’t go away again for the rest of the day.

-

Birds Tag List: @campcampie

[yoongiqx]

i was tagged by @kuanmian thank you!! 🥺💖💖💖

Rules: tag people you want to get to know better/catch up with and answer these questions

Last Song I Listened To: ohh I've been listening to this artist spotify recommended and it's 4s4ki, she has a song called cat jesus cat that's so cool

Last Movie I Watched: i think it was The Double?? yeah i never got the chance to finish it tho, for some reason that whole week i was obsessed with jesse eisenberg so i watched a bunch of his movies

Currently Reading: winter diary by srđan valjarević!! my friend rly likes him, so i asked if i could borrow it, and because he talks about the streets here and where he's been i wanted to go there while i read it, but i don't think that's gonna be possible😔😔

Currently Watching: I'm watching start up but I'm still on episode four shfjdhdk

Currently Craving: alcohol

Currently Working On: don't ask me that 😔, I've mostly been busy with cat stuff these past two weeks

Currently Playing: genshin impact!!! i rly wanted childe but they said fuck marija lives

i tag @auroraurl @kyungck @xi4ojun if you want to do this

[danetobelieve]

That’s Fext. || Luce and Winston

The sword was forged. Winston had their stuff with them. Extra snacks incase they had to do magic, though they knew that there was nothing that they could actually do to the Fext, but maybe their magic could come in handy in other ways. They had agreed to try and do it after hours. The school looked mostly empty and to their good fortune Mr. Blume was apparently working late. Pausing outside of the double doors that would lead down to the classroom that Winston expected him to be in, they paused, swallowed and looked at Luce. “Are you ready?” They fully hated themselves for suggesting this. Being bait had seemed like a much better idea a few days ago but now that they were actually doing it they weren’t sure that this was as good idea as they thought. But there was no turning back now. “I think I’ve got everything and the plan is that I’ll get his attention and draw him out of the classroom and into the hallway, probably would be a good idea if we can get him outside but if you can behead him right away I’ll ask questions later.” 

Luce glanced around the school, the long tube of her carrying case patting against her shoulder as she walked alongside Winston. Inside, the glass sword was safely nestled in a pile of packing peanuts. She trusted their magic, but she also didn’t want to take any chances with the sword shattering inside the case. Plus, she couldn’t just waltz into the high school with a fucking sword. As they came to a halt outside Mr. Blume’s office, Luce did a couple quick stretches, rotating her shoulders forwards and back. “Gimme a second.” She said and extracted the sword from the tube, brushing off a few of the stray packing peanuts with her hand. “No sweat. Just a,” She gave a preliminary swing, at neck height, “Quick decapitation. Super cool, nice and easy.” Luce said with a grin. But, for all her bravado, she wasn’t entirely sure how this would all shake out. Mr. Blume had exhausted the fuck out of her when they’d last run into him. They needed to take him out, on the first try. “We could try that Zombieland move? You know, where the dude acts as bait, runs, yells “Now!” and then knee slides outta range? So you don’t get a face full of glass sword too?”

Luce seemed to be taking this all in her stride much better then Winston felt that they were. Then again Luce hadn’t volunteered themselves to be a sacrificial lamb for the proverbial slaughter. Winston was sure that Luce would never let anything happen to them but one thing that they had learned after potentially risking their life hundreds of times was that things never went the carefully and meticulously planned way that Winston insisted it had to go. “No rush,” Winston was in no rush. Right now they could’ve happily stood outside of this door all night. “Super cool, nice and easy.” Winston repeated as they felt their palms feel sweaty. “Oh, I’ve never done a movie sequence move in real life, that sounds like a really good idea, I don’t know if I can do a Jesse Eisenberg knee slide quite as well but I can try.” They placed their hand on the handle of the door. They felt nauseous but they were convinced that they weren’t going to repeat their mistake with Nic and throw up everywhere. “Ready whenever you are and we can try and zombieland this up…” they weren’t going to be sick, they weren’t going to be sick. 

“For sure. And hey,” Luce locked eyes with them, before putting a hand on their shoulder for a reassuring squeeze. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. We’re gonna fuck Mr. Blume’s shit up and it’s gonna be okay. We’re doing a good thing, getting rid of this fucker.” She said, though those words more to reassure herself than them. She wasn’t keen on the idea of murder, even if Mr. Blume was no longer technically alive. He might be a Fext now, but she remembered him as the kind, if bumbling chemistry teacher from her high school years. “Totally. Hey, does this make me Tallahassee? I can roll with that.” She grinned, shaking out her arms for one final time, the gesture doing little to ease the nerves that coiled in her stomach. They had this. They totally had this. Gripping the pommel of the sword, Luce nodded at Winston. “Let’s do this thing.”

Locking eyes with Luce, Winston felt a little better and with their resolve reassured they bobbed their head in a nod. “For sure, I know that you’ve got my back, just wish it wasn’t Mr. Blume but then again somehow i don’t think that is the same Mr. Blume as it was back in school.” They paused for a moment longer and once Luce was happy with everything, they wrenched the door open and pulled it open to find themselves looking straight at Mr. Blume who appeared to be grading some sort of quiz, Winston didn’t miss those and decided that they would do everyone a favour. Pulling back their arm, they flicked it forward and hurled a stink bomb that they had made back at the Scribe HQ. It wasn’t difficult, mixing aeasily two chemicals in a vial and sealing it. Mr. Blume seemed to know they were going to do this as their hand snapped up and caught the vial without it breaking. Winston made eye contact with it and in that moment was all the more convinced that this wasn’t something that was Mr. Blume anymore. He had no life in those eyes, backing away, Winston bolted towards the door hoping that Luce was ready. 

As soon as Winston walked into that room, Luce’s nerves were on high alert. The second they came out of that room, she was going to swing and hopefully knock this fucker into the next plane of existence. He’d once been a spellcaster, just like them. But, he used dark magic, that was why he was still here, still kicking on the world. Power hungry and using innocent witches to fuel his undead life. As soon as Winston ran out of the room, Luce swung the sword with all her might. But, as fast as she was, Mr. Blume was faster. With an almost blindly fast movement, he dodged out of the way, ducking easily under the glass blade that she only barely had time to pull back before it could smash into the doorframe. “Shit!” She yelled, just in time for Mr. Blume to pull back his leg and kick her square in the gut. The air rushed out of her lungs as she was sent flying down the hallway, sliding across the waxed floors. The glass sword skittered on the ground away from her as she lay there, dazed. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Barrelling through the door, Winston went to their knees and skidded across the highly polished floor of their former high school. But there was a thud and then a clatter and then the transparent blade was skidding across the floor of the hallway and spinning over and over again as Luce was attacked by Mr. Blume. Swallowing, they dragged themselves up to their feet and looked around. “Hey, leave her alone,” Winston knew that magic on Mr. Blume was going to be as useful as butter versus a hot knife and so they tried to be as ingenious as they possibly could. Looking around, they spotted a locker, the door was behind Mr. Blume’s head as they faced Luce and Winston forced the locker to exploded outwards, the door slamming into the back of Mr. Blume’s head and knocking him to the floor. Sweat glistened on Mr. Blume’s forehead as Winston locked eyes with Luce. “Same plan, I’ll distract him.” They turned to Mr. Blume and waved their middle finger at them. “Hey, fucker, I didn’t do my chemistry homework.” Winston lied, they had always done their homework. 

Still winded, Luce watched as Winston did their best to hold back Mr. Blume with a frankly smart fucking use of magic. It was better than her “toss a fireball” tactic. Fuck, this is why they were the brainy one, wasn’t it? Forcing herself to her feet, Luce grabbed the sword from the ground and assumed an offensive position. Holding up the sword, she waited for Winston to bait Mr. Blume again. But, as the fext rose, tossing the destroyed locker away with ease, a chill ran down her spine as he stared at her. He might not be human anymore, but he still had his smarts. Fucking christ. The dark eyes of his were trained on her as Mr. Blume lifted the crumpled door of the locker before hurling it at her and Winston. “Duck!” She yelled and dodged out of the way, doing her best to keep the glass sword out of the way.

It was a good thing that Luce was an experienced witch AND knew how to wield a sword. Winston was entirely convinced that they would’ve died without them there and as Luce got ready to fight once more, Winston spotted Mr. Blume tear away a locker door and hurl it in their direction. Luce was fast, she zipped out of the way of the door. Winston was still trying to process the word duck when the locker door slammed into their chest and threw them crumbling into a locker. Coughing, they winced at what felt like some very bruised ribs but they hadn’t heard a crack or crunch and so they were pretty sure nothing was broken. “Ow fuck that hurt,” they adjusted their glasses which were hanging off of their face just in time to see Mr. Blume charging towards them, “ah fuck fuck fuck.” They acted instinctively, shooting a thin sheen of ice onto the polished floor, sending Mr. Blume slipping and sliding past them as they lost their footing on the ice. 

Luce winced as she heard the slam of the door smashing into Winston, smacking them against a row of lockers. Watching in horror as Mr. Blume lunged for them, she was relieved when they managed to get a layer of ice on the ground. Ice. Slick-- water. They could use it to their advantage. She glanced up at the sprinkler system above them for a moment and grinned, sending a small fireball up at the sprinkler head with a flick of her finger. In an instant, the fire alarms were blaring, but more importantly, water began to pour from the ceiling. Running at Mr. Blume, her thick soled boots gripped what bits of dry floor there was left as she slashed with the sword. “Get fucked!” She growled as the blade made contact, biting into the flesh of his shoulder. Dammit. Just too short of his head. But, the blade held strong. It didn’t shatter. Instead, it was smeared with black blood. “C’mon, come at me bro!” She shouted, gesturing for Mr. Blume to shift focus from Winston to her. 

Horrified by the situation, Winston watched as Luce and Mr. Blume grappled. Sprinklers doused the three of them and Winston wondered if Luce had a plan, then it occurred to them that they could probably do more to help Luce with all of this. As Luce’s sword cut into the Fext’s shoulder, black blood dripped into the water and Winston darted inside of the office and began rummaging through the cabinet of science supplies, looking for anything that they could use to hook up to a power source. “Luce, I know you don’t need encouragement on keeping Mr. Blume busy, but if you can buy me some time I’ve got an idea for something that could maybe become Plan B. Just please don’t get hurt.” They were babbling as they worked, pulling small lengths of wire that they had once used to create circuits and beginning to jerry rig everything together. 

Mr. Blume lunged at her, arms outstretched. And, though Luce tried to block with the flat of the blade, she was only able to stop one of his arms. The other hand, curled into a fist, collided with her side in an agonizing, bruising blow. She fell to one knee, gasping, but kept the blade level. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Winston run past them and she made out a few of the words shouted back at her. “Got it-- go!” She grunted as she swiped the sword out at Mr. Blume’s legs, hoping to knock him off balance. But, the creature’s keen reflexes tipped him off to the motion and he skirted out of the way from her blade before bringing his knee up to crack into Luce’s face, hitting her square in the nose. A gush of blood, hot and burning, streamed down her face as she staggered backwards. But, it took more than a kick to the nose to keep a good witch down. Forcing herself to stand, she held the sword aloft before swinging it once more, slicing through the chemistry teacher’s hand. The hand fell into the growing puddles on the floor, covering the hallway with a growing puddle of inky black blood. 

Winston could hear the impact of Mr. Blume hitting Luce and they were forced to work harder. Connecting and jerry rigging the wires together, they used their teeth to strip away the plastic coating and expose the copper wire before twisting it together Using the plastic they’d stripped away from the wires, Winston hooked everything up to a power source and was pleased to see that there appeared to be a good amount of power running through this thing. You could call it watts, or amps, or volts. Winston didn’t care right now. All they cared about was the disproportionate amount of blood that was pouring down from Luce’s face. They needed to act fast before she got anymore hurt. This was all Winston’s fault. If they had planned all of this better then things wouldn’t have been able to have gone wrong and Winston wasn’t going to have to explain to the Vurals what had happened to their sister. “Ready! Can you get him in here?” 

Mr. Blume let out an ungodly howl in her face as he stumbled backwards, clutching the stump where his hand once was. In his eyes, Luce could see pure unadulterated malice burning at her. Leaning towards her, the once mild-mannered chemistry teacher snarled at her, “I will feast on your magic, on theirs, and then, I will come for your sisters. One by one. The coven will fall.” Luce’s blood, once burning against her face, ran cold at his words. Rage and fear mingled together in a heady concoction of emotion, spurring on a new shot of adrenaline that carried her across the hallway, sword blade poised to strike. She slashed, wildly, but they were sloppy, driven by emotion rather than thought. She had to calm down if they wanted to kill him, she knew that. But he’d threatened Winston, threatened her sisters, threatened her family. “Not. Fucking. Likely.” She growled before coming in close to grip the front of Mr. Blume’s collared shirt tightly. “I got him!” Luce yelled at Winston before spinning in a tight motion to maneuver them both into the hallway of the chemistry room. With a grunt, she shoved her foot into the small of his back and kicked the fext into the lab.

Appalled at what they had just heard, Winston took a deep breath. They needed to try and be as calm as possible because they weren’t even sure that this was going to work and if it was going to work it was going to work because they did it right. Luce looked hurt and Winston didn’t want this to go on anymore then it had to. As Mr. Blume was knocked stumbling towards Winston, they stepped forwards and drove the wires into Mr. Blume. They had been careful to not touch anything that could conduct anything towards them but there was still a moment of terror. The electricity almost seemed to arc before their very eyes, though Winston doubted that was actually possible. Mr. Blume stood rigidly as the currents ran through them, the lights in the high school flickered but remained bright. “The head Luce…” Winston prayed this worked.

Watching as Winston ran up, calm as anything, she saw the strange little makeshift taser in their hands. Luce watched, hoping, praying, that it would work. They just needed the right opportunity to get the fext vulnerable and if this didn’t work, she didn’t know what would. When Winston’s device made contact, Mr. Blume went rigid, locked tight and still. That was all she needed. Without a word, hate and rage and anger drove her sword through the air. She sliced through his neck. The blade passed through tendons and flesh like it was butter, smooth as anything. There was no horrific scream, no terrible howl of a monster vanquished. The sound of the fire alarms, still blaring, were all that she heard as Mr. Blume’s head fell to the ground with a dull thud, his body following suit. Panting, blood still rolling down her face, Luce looked over at Winston. “You okay? Are you good?” 

Completely soaked by the sprinklers that had undoubtedly drenched the entire school, Winston watched as Mr. Blume’s body slumped down and crumpled, before beginning to dissolve along with the rest of their suit. “Yeah,” Winston let out a long exhale and ran their hands through their hair, water trickling down the lenses of their glasses, “yeah I think I’m all good, are you?” Shifting from one foot to the other, Winston heard their shoes squelch and looked around them and then back up at Luce. “You really took a beating there, we should go before someone finds us and we should get you cleaned up because that looks … not great.” 

Luce leaned against one of the tables in the lab, her heart pounding as she watched Mr. Blume turn to dust. In a moment, it was almost as though he had never been there, like none of this had happened. But, the black-tinged puddles that lay before them said otherwise. As her breathing slowed, Luce glanced over at Winston. “Huh? I’m fine--” The words caught in the back of her throat as she touched her nose, a sharp stab of pain running through her. “Agh. Ah.” Gingerly touching her face, she wiped some of the blood that had run down her mouth and chin. “My nose-- he broke my fucking-- we gotta get outta here.” She nodded, the motion sending a further wave of pain across her face. Shit. 

Winston reached around them and pulled a tiny backpack off of their back, rummaging haphazardly through it, they pulled out a towel that they had brought for this exact situation. “Here, use this to stop the bleeding and I’ll lead the way,” Winston needed to get Luce to the hospital and then they were going to need to try and think of an alibi for them both tonight just in case anyone had been watching them. “You were really fucking bad ass with that sword, you should give it a name and you should definitely keep it, because that was actually really cool.” 

[darringauthier]

Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Who’s In It: Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, Zoey Deutch, Avan Jogia, Rosario Dawson, Luke Wilson, Thomas Middleditch

Who Directed It: Ruben Fleischer

Plot:  Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita, and Little Rock move to the American heartland as they face off against evolved zombies, fellow survivors, and the growing pains of the snarky makeshift family.

Running Time: 98 Minutes 

IMDB Score: 6.7

Metascore: 55

Rotten Tomatoes Score: Critics 68%  Audience 88%

Why I Watched It: I enjoyed the first one and I have to be honest I was surprised not only how good it was but how clever so I was game for a another go.

How I Watched It: iTunes, it was on sale at the time.

Random Thoughts: 10 years in between movies, that’s usually a bad sign and these kind of gaps tend to happen to comedies, not sure why but I do know that comedy sequels are usually bad but Zombieland had the horror part to hang on to.

Worth noting almost all of the main cast are bigger stars now, maybe not Breslin but everyone else is still riding high and Stone is close to an A-List actor now, that wasn’t the case 10 years ago.

What I Liked: This was not really needed and they didn’t really have anything new to add but I have to admit I liked it, first one is better and I will say the first one even though funny was darker and had more of an edge this one is mostly comedy.  I was fine with that and the reason it worked was the cast and hats off to the returning four cause no one phoned this in everyone was game to play again and Harrelson now is just so comfortable on screen and he just always seems to be having fun.  The star of this film oddly is a newcomer and it’s Zoey Deutch she’s a hoot and a half here, she plays a cute little valley kind of girl but is so charming and so positive you have to like her and I kind of wish she was in more of the film.  Also there’s a few extended cameos and there’ll all good, I didn’t realize I had a thing for Rosario Dawson, I say that respectfully but I do.  She could have been in it more and I will say Owen Wilson should have played Luke Wilson’s part.

The comedy is good here and I do like that they struck a lighter tone cause it worked with the plot and the characters.  The zombie stuff is not as a big of a deal the film is mostly a sit-com set up now with this weird family of characters but it works because of the chemistry.  The action with the zombies was fine, again played more for laughs but it worked. I did like that they created this different future cause of the zombie apocalypse.  There’s a really good Uber joke in there.

What I Didn’t Like: Now usually I would go after a film for being less edgy or going more comedy over zombie gore but like I said it worked for this movie but it does make it a lot slighter and yup the gore just isn’t there and I missed it, come on it’s a zombie film I need some of that stuff.  The other big thing was it didn’t really have a plot, it was a very forced and cliched road trip movie.  The plot was an excuse for the characters do do stuff.

I like Abigail Breslin but she isn’t given much to do here and she’s really the only one that gives kind of a flat performance and also she’s kind of in a different less fun movie she goes off on her own and it’s just bland.  The film works better with the characters being a group and it was clear they really didn’t know what to do this time around.

The end is kind of flat it was alright but it didn’t really end with a bang or a point.  There was a rumor that Zombieland would become a sit-com and this movie felt like that.  It didn’t feel like a full formed movie.

Final Thought: Not as good as the first but it was fun and I like the actors too much to be down on it.

Rating: 6.5/10

[thisguyatthemovies]

All you zombies

Title: “Zombieland: Double Tap”

 Release date: Oct. 18, 2019

Starring: Woody Harrrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin, Rosario Dawson, Zoey Deutch, Luke Wilson, Thomas Middleditch, Avan Jogia

Directed by: Ruben Fleischer

Run time: 1 hour, 39 minutes

Rated: R

What it’s about: In the sequel to 2009’s “Zombieland,” four adults encounter evolved and resilient zombies as they try to survive as a makeshift family.

 How I saw it: If you are a fan of the 2009 zombie apocalypse action comedy “Zombieland,” the decade-later sequel, “Zombieland: Double Tap,” is welcome if long overdue (it was held up for years in development), and you’ll likely embrace the similarities between the two. If you did not like the original, nothing in the sequel will change your mind. If you could take or leave the first entry, you are likely to choose the latter with the follow-up.  

“Zombieland: Double Tap” doesn’t stray far from the formula that worked with the first film (both directed by Ruben Fleischer), and that is both advantageous and problematic. The core cast – Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee, Jesse Eisenberg as Columbus, Emma Stone as Wichita and Abigail Breslin as Little Rock – is the same, and what they do in this movie is exactly what they did in the first film: kill as many zombies as they can while avoiding getting eaten by them after a virus has turned the United States into a nation of the undead. The tone is the same – snarky, gory, hip, fun, a little bit young adult soap opera, perhaps a lot full of itself. Again, Eisenberg’s Columbus narrates throughout, and his rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse are referenced often through visuals. While that familiarity is good news to those who waited anxiously 10 years for the sequel, it also means the second go-round doesn’t feel as fresh or lively as the original. And because of that, it simply can’t clear the high bar set by the first film.

Let’s play a little catch-up if you haven’t seen “Zombieland.” Tallahassee is a 50-something wild man who takes great pleasure in finding original and increasingly violent ways of killing zombies. Columbus is a nerdy 30-something who lives by his plethora of rules and has overcome his awkwardness enough to strike up a romance with the hot girl, Wichita. Little Rock is her teen sister. In the original, Tallahassee becomes a (questionable) father figure for Little Rock. They mostly kill zombies between time spent forming bonds with each other. 

“Zombieland: Double Tap” opens with the four living in the vacated White House. Columbus wants to marry a hesitant Wichita, and Little Rock (now a young adult) longs for companionship from someone her own age. Despite their relatively safe fortress, they must deal with zombies that are getting stronger, faster and more difficult to kill. Just what they are up against becomes more apparent when Wichita and Little Rock decide to skip town, with Little Rock eventually running off with a pacifist hippie musician (Avan Jogia). Tallahassee, Columbus and Wichita set out to find Little Rock, and much graphic killing of zombies ensues. 

A few new characters are introduced this time, with mixed results. Zoey Deutch is a fun, welcome addition, though she is as annoying (purposely) as she is hilarious as Madison, a stereotypical dumb blonde who has been surviving by hiding in a freezer. She and Columbus hook up when Wichita is briefly out of the picture, and the script – by holdovers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick and newcomer Dave Callahan – gets a lot of mileage out of Wichita’s jealousy and Madison’s cluelessness. Rosario Dawson doesn’t get much screen time but proves to be Tallahassee’s equal (and love interest) as Nevada, a woman who runs an Elvis-themed motel and is handy behind the wheel of a monster truck. But Luke Wilson and Thomas Middleditch seem tacked on as zombie hunters who are doppelgangers for Tallahassee and Columbus. They depart as quickly as they arrive and bog down a film that was just starting to overcome the melodrama of the set-up. They also help make the sequel a full 11 minutes longer than the economical original. 

The by-the-numbers nature of the sequel really starts to show during the climactic scene, this time taking place in a hippie commune where no one believes in violence and all guns are melted – which works well until hundreds of zombies converge on the commune. The finale has all the requisite gore, and it’s still a good time, but it just doesn’t have the same oomph as the final scene in the first “Zombieland” movie. And it is, of course, followed by a heaping helping of sentimentality as we are reminded that even when fighting zombies, family means everything.

Make sure to stick around. A mid-credits scene with a familiar face just might be the best part of “Zombieland: Double Tap.” It certainly provides the funniest moments, and that’s not meant as a slight to rest of the movie, which, despite its lack of originality, has more than its share of laughs. 

My score: 65 out of 100

Should you see it? If you like zombies and snark, yes. But if you haven’t seen the original “Zombieland” movie, check it out first. If it’s not your thing, maybe don’t proceed to the sequel. 

[ozma914]

movie review: Zombieland: Double Tap

Has it really been ten years since Zombieland came out?

Wow. That explains why Little Rock doesn't look little anymore.

When we last saw our four friends, they'd just escaped certain death at an amusement park on the West Coast. Well, the great thing about the zombie apocalypse is that zombies don't drive, so a cross-county road trip would have way less traffic.

Our friends Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg, also our narrator), Whichita (Emma Stone), and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) have taken advantage of that, and ended up in a new, secure home across the country: The White House.

But all is not well with our little family. Little Rock was eleven when the apocalypse hit, and is frustrated at still being treated like a kid, and by the lack of people her own age. Tallahassee is aching to be on the road again. And while Columbus and Wichita seem a happy couple, she freaks out when he presents her with an engagement ring: specifically, the Hope Diamond. (Half the fun of the early scenes involve the gang hanging out in Washington, mostly at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.)

Soon the group is split up and on the road again, avoiding new and more dangerous zombies and headed (by way of Graceland) toward a hippie paradise called Babylon. There anyone who enters is made to melt down their weapons, before they enter "paradise". You know that won't end well, and sure enough, they soon have to defend their domain from an army of the undead.

Zombieland: Double Tap is exactly what we need from a comedy these days: Humor, unencumbered by political correctness. We're treated with new characters along the way, including laid back stoner pacifist Berkeley (Avan Jogia), and ditzy Madison (Zoey Deutch, who I nominate for funniest dumb blonde ever). They're both people who by rights shouldn't have survived this long, but we get to be treated to our main characters' reaction to them.

We also get Rosario Dawson as the kick-ass proprietor of an Elvis Presley themed motel, and a strangely familiar duo (Luke Wilson and Thomas Middleditch), as well as a few unexpected appearances that are loads of fun.

In fact, maybe that's what Zombieland: Double Tap should be compared to: Buckets of bloody fun. And guts. There's a lot of shooting and zombie killing, plenty of action, and most of it is oh, so funny, in a gross sort of way. You can skip the end credits scene if you want to, but please, please stay for the mid-credits scene.

My Score:

Entertainment Value:  4 out of 4 M&Ms. The good brown ones.

Oscar Potential:  1 out of 4 M&Ms. Three Oscar nominees and one Oscar winner, and--no, wait. Four Oscar nominees and one winner, but they're having way too much fun. Good production work, too, but hey--zombie movie.

[movie-reviewer-perhaps]

THE ART OF SELF DEFENSE

is this an independent movie? maybe. is this a good movie? also maybe. it was weird and confusing so lets discuss.

right so we cant discuss this movie without mentioning Jesse eisenberg and his character which is basically the only character he only plays. im not saying this as a bad this because he definitely knows what hes good at and has carved out quite the niche for himself but this particular role felt almost too perfect for him. it was a great performance but one he could do in his sleep. like him. this movie has a very particular audience it wants to appeal to, and its determined to find is cult following somewhere. the whole movie is very stylized. the script is extremely stilted which translated to artificial performances as well. the direction was actually pretty good except for one badly done fight scene which stood out like a sore thumb. the cinematography was ok i guess but nothing new or particularly memorable. the editing kept an odd but fitting pace the whole time and mostly achieved what they were going for. the humor was dark and dry but it was certainly there and it was filled with gratuitous violence at times but it was all intended. the score was exactly what the movie needed and sounded how the acting in the movie felt. it ticked all the boxes it wanted to but was weak with follow throughs and low on energy. it was missing something and because of that im left feeling lukewarm at best with a movie that had so much potential to be the next big cult classic but missed by that much. 

its a well done parody with dramatic and thriller undercurrents that took some big shots but landed just short of greatness. still a decent movie with good if not great acting and a very fitting score but its still not the hilarious and endearing hit it had the potential to be. keep it on your radar once it hits streaming platforms if you like niche movies like this or if you enjoy jesse eisenberg but other than that you wouldnt be missing anything special if youd skiped it. 5/10 

[drivingsideways]

for the fandom meme questions, if you're still taking them: F, G, W, and Y. (you don't have to do all of them, just whichever ones you wanna answer)

I answered most of those here, so gonna do the remaining one

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

OH NO WHERE TO START HOW TO PICK THIS IS TERRIBLE 

I am such a multi-shipper at heart, i ship everyone/everything so picking a few is AGONIZING. 

under the cut ‘cause uh, i got carried away. No particular order of fave, and mostly restricted to ships from the last few years

Miranda Barlow/James Flint/Thomas Hamilton (Black Sails) - OT3 of PAIN omg, the fact that they barely had a chance to be together, and so much of their story  as a trio is basically one or the other NOT BEING THERE AND THE REMAINING TWO BEING DEVASTATED AND WANDERING AROUND THE WORLD LOST WITHOUT THEIR MISSING THIRD. UGHHHH. I yell a lot about James/Miranda here but internally I yell a lot about Thomas/Miranda pre and post James and James/Thomas without Miranda and basically every time I see their faces I’m *crying *, and honestly, my only kink for them is to literally be in the same room and the same time, like, my needs here are very basic. 

Dean/Castiel (SPN): I know, I know. Everybody and their grandmom ships these two, AS THEY SHOULD. I gave up on the show a long time ago, but every now and then a gifset crosses my dash and I’M UNDONE BY THEIR FACES WHEN THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER WHEN THE OTHER IS NOT WATCHING (THERE’S A REASON SEASON 6 IS WHEN I REALLY STARTED SHIPPING THEM) AND I’M LIKE IT’S BEEN 15 YEARS AND SEVERAL RESURRECTIONS PLEASE KISS NOW. Hmm, kinks for this ship- lbr, fandom has written Every Possible Kink for this ship, and I’m happy to roll with most of it, but anything with true-form/eldritch horror Cas and a very human, very mortal Dean is probably THE BEST. Well, that and OMG ARE THEY HOLDING HANDS OMG OMG OMG (I can’t help it, I’m a marshmallow)

Superbat (DCEU) : I’ll be honest, I didn’t give a fuck about Batman until Ben Affleck ran onto the screen with with his fucking three piece suits and Emotional Trauma and Weird Psychosexual Dreams and I couldn’t believe the pit of shame I’d let myself fall into, but BvS was Something (yes, amidst a whole lot of Objectively Bad Somethings, yes I’m looking at you Jesse Eisenberg) anyways, i closed the tab where the movie had been playing, opened another tab for AO3 and fell straight into one of @susiecarter‘s fics, specifically THIS AMAZING FAKE DATING POST BvS ONE and it was basically over for me. This subset of Superbat fandom has some amazing writers and artists so honestly it wasn’t really even my fault, i just wallowed in all the hard work being done by someone else. PINING! CONTROL ISSUES! Emotionally Traumatized Man with a Death Wish meets literal Ray of Sunshine who can ALSO actually kill him with his little finger and has FEELINGS HE CAN”T IDENTIFY MUCH LESS TALK ABOUT. I love pining (is that a kink?) and like this is the otp where one half is/was literally dead while the other is dead inside AND IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH FOR ME. I REGRET NOTHING. Seriously, this version of an older, weary Batman meeting a young(ish) Superman who’s still trying to figure out how to be Superman, with both of them having control issues while being absolute rubbish at communication is perfect for a lot of d/s stuff but like my bulletproof kink in this ship is probably them...talking about their feelings? YEAH.

Joan/Sherlock (Elementary) : OH NO MY SUPER HAPPY CANON PLATONIC SOULMATES THEY ARE EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED AND NEVER IMAGINED I’D GET TO SEE ON AN ACTUAL SHOW AND THEY’RE SUPER GREAT AND I LOVE HOW THEY ARE LIKE RIDE OR DIE FOR EACH OTHER AND THE WAY SHERLOCK ADORES HER AND THE WAY SHE’LL LOOK OUT FOR HIM AND TELL HIM COLD HARD TRUTHS BUT ALWAYS WITH KINDNESS WHY ARE THEY SO PERFECT WHY IS THIS SHOW ENDING AND HOLY HELL UNDYING KINK IS SHERLOCK SAYING ‘I’D MAKE ADJUSTMENTS FOR YOU’ AND JOAN’S FACE WHEN HE SAYS THAT THIS SHOW HAD BETTER END WITH JOAN ADOPTING A BABY AND LIVING IN THEIR BROWNSTONE WITH CLYDE AND THEIR BEES AND DOING DETECTIVE THINGS

*deep breath *

and current fave

Ning Yi/ Xin Zi Yan (The Rise of Phoenixes) : Ok, look, I basically ship Ning Yi/everyone and mostly Ning Yi/ happiness, homicidal woobie that he is, BUT the show just like WENT THERE with these two. Xin Zi Yan is Ning Yi’s mentor/friend/ally in the fight for his life within his batshit insane royal family and he is a cold, ruthless fuck who can hold grudges FOREVER and they flirt with each other (the show is particularly unsubtle about the flirting) and lie to each other and protect each other and STICK THE KNIFE INTO EACH OTHER AT THE SOFTEST POINTS BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW TO. Like their fights are EPIC, blood on the floor everywhere and I’m like YES YES but also NOW FUCK. Like, canon just gave me this intense, competitive, kinda unhealthy dynamic and I’m like they’d be so bad for each other, BECAUSE LOL WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES XIN ZI YAN YOU CONTROL FREAK AND  NING YI YOU ARE ONE ABYSS OF NEED THAT YOU TRY TO HIDE BEHIND YOUR NONCHALANCE AND MURDER BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE FOREVER OMG I LOVE THEM A LOT LET ME WRITE 100K ABOUT THEM BEING THE ABSOLUTE WORST FOR EACH OTHER AND THE WORLD, SO I DID. Did someone say rarepair hell? I’m literally writing the only fic there is for them that’s how much i love them (its such a rarepair that the tag isn’t even searchable on AO3 yet). Uh, as for kinks for these two I CAN’T BECAUSE I’M NOT READY FOR THE MORTIFICATION OF BEING KNOWN. 

[jesse-eisenberg-interview]

On set of “The Ambassadors” starring Jesse Eisenberg

So I recently started as a set production assistant for a film being shot in my hometown called “The Ambassadors” which is both written and stars Jesse Eisenberg. You may know him from films like “The Squid & the Whale”, “Adventureland”, “Zombieland”, & most recently “Holy Rollers”. On set today I was asked to go and pick up the producer Jimmy Daddabbo who I was able to talk with about my ultimate aspirations within the film industry of becoming a feature film director. He gave me some pretty good tips and pointers of what to do with my time as a p.a. to help me acheive that goal someday. I also had the very cool and surreal experince of talking with the actor Jesse Eisenberg about the double-tap rule in his film “Zombieland”, he was a very cool and dow to earth guy, we talked about my plans to move New York City and how he grew up in Queens. We also talked about what kind of films I’d like to make someday when I become a director. Last but not least I ended up talking with the director Paul Todisco about “Fantasia”, “The Sorcerer’s Apprecntice” & an event at Disneyland/Disneyworld. It was an eventful day, I gained some experience and I looke forward to the rest of the shoot.

I will try to keep a log of my days on set through this blog.

“The Ambassadors” Day 2

2010/06/03

*The Assistant Editor - Caleb

So today was my second day on set of “The Ambassadors”, yet another awesome day. Today on set required moving all of the Grip & Electric equipment from one room outside (and then later on, onto a truck). Then we moved a bunch of the props to the production office. Later on  in the day I was asked to go buy “speciality items” to make a “specialty prop” I’ll explain once the movie is released next year. The day was also filled with “Billy Madison” quotes as some the crew waited for tasks to do. I then had the board game Apples to Apples explained to me by Jesse, we also all discussed board games being made into films, such as “Twister” (fake) – “Do you put your right hand on red often?” & “Battleship” (real). The head P.A. had to leave early later in the day so by default I became the “new Jacob” (“Lost” reference) and I became the head P.A. which basically meant I had to make sure everyone knew when to be quiet while they were filming and get the 1st A.D. his keys as well as another actor in the film, Jeremy Strong (who I met for the first time today). Overall it was a great second day, I’m happy to have met Jesse in real life and in this context, he’s such an awesome guy and is incredibly down-to earth, I can’t say enough good things about the man, I wish him all the best in his future productions. I’m sad that I won’t be on set tomorrow, mostly because I have to work at Blockbuster. But I go back on Friday for another day as a set production assistant.

“The Ambassadors” Day 3 and what’s happened since… (“T.K.O.”)

2010/06/11

Sorry for the delay in updates, not much time to update with the crazy and busy life on set.

So the actual third day of filming I had to work at my job that pays me (Blockbuster) so I wasn’t able to be on set that day. Apparently that was a huge day to miss. I arrived on set the 4th day of shooting to find out that Jesse had left the production for reasons that still can’t and haven’t been fully divulged to everyone, except that it was more or less a matter of creative differences. I wasn’t there that day so I’m not sure exactly what happend, nor am I high enough up in the ranking to be told. All that we were told was that it was a mutual agreement essentially to shut down filming on “The Ambassadors”.

So ended the filming of that film, but began a new experience on Pre-Production on a trailer for a film called “T.K.O.” It involved striking the set of “The Ambassadors” and returning set decor to it’s original owners as well as a bunch of necessary pre-production work.

The pre-production work involved for me anyways creating new contact lists and spreadsheets for finding a spec. car for the film as well as extras. Production started Tuesday this week and has gone really well, only had the cops called on us once because a scene we were shooting was too realistic, but all was taken care off.

Filming is scheduled to end on Sunday.

I’ll end with what I posted on as my Facebook status after what had happened on “The Ambassadors”:

Well “The Ambassadors” may have wrapped well before anyone had expected it to, but all the new people and friends I made on set will stay with me for a very long time. I’ll eventually get to see my name in the credits of a film someday, I guess just not yet. Here’s to the next great film adventure that will be “T.K.O.”…

source

[taiblogcomics]

A Fight with the Dark Knight is No Delight

Hey there, extensive wire work. We'll be halfway through our look at Forever Evil by this issue. It's been pretty good, I'm not gonna lie! Let's hope it can keep it up~

Here's the cover:

Again, it's just more fighting. The covers are honestly the weakest part of this series. Again, they're not bad. They're just highly generic. Batman vs Lex is a great matchup, though (especially when Lex isn't played by Jesse Eisenberg). Good businessman vs evil businessman? That's the stuff. I kind of hate Batman's all-black uniform, though, and what is with his posing? And what's the Crime Syndicate doing? Are they actually here watching this, in their ominous red filter? Coz Ultraman's the only paying attention. The fight's down here, guys!

We open with Batman taking Catwoman to his man-cave. He's still doing the "blindfold 'em beforehand", and is it for secrecy or does Bats just like a dramatic reveal? We then get a two-page spread for the Batcave, which is cool. It's got all the classics: Bat-Computer, separate forensics lab, hanger with a Bat-Plane and at least six Batmobiles, giant penny, T. rex robot, giant Joker card. Even if Catwoman isn't impressed, I am. Anyway, with the Syndicate controlling all computers, his Batmobiles are all useless. So they're here to pick up another form of transport.

Batman expresses some regret at how things have turned out. See, he trained Dick Grayson as Robin, and he became Nightwing when he pushed him away. So the fact that the Syndicate targeted Nightwing is his fault. Sheesh, and I thought Spider-Man had a guilt complex. Oh, and here's an infamous scene. Batman opens a secret locker where he's stashed his "what if the Justice League turns evil?" plans. Some of them might be useful against the Syndicate. Some are useless for a variety of reasons: Ultraman isn't weak to Kryptonite (though Bats doesn't know that), Evil Aquaman didn't survive the trip here, and Wonder Woman's box is empty.

I've heard a lot of discourse on this one, mostly centering around "proof" that "Wonder Woman has no weaknesses". Which, I mean, like, first of all, don't most people complain when a character has no weaknesses? Why is it okay for Wonder Woman? Secondly, this only applies to the New 52 continuity. I'd like to offer "Tower of Babel", a JLA story from the post-Crisis universe where Batman did have a contingency plan for Wonder Woman. Like, even if this particular story is a good comic, why would you take the New 52 version as the preferred canon~?

Anyways. His plans that might work include a Sinestro Corps ring, a "lightning rod from the future" (which is a nod to an old Legion of Super-Heroes story), and a Mother Box. Everyone else, they'll have to improvise. Possibly even more, since Grid is watching them through the computers. Now we cut over to see what our real protagonist, Lex Luthor, is doing. If you recall last time, he teamed up with a couple other villains who also have a beef with the Syndicate. Lex is using the tasers in his suit to try and jump-start Black Adam.

Black Adam finally comes to, while Captain Cold sets about rebuilding his cold gun. Black Manta argues that he doesn't need it, because the cold will just make the Syndicate numb. He doesn't want them to be numb when he kills them. Cold retorts that Manta has issues, and he's probably right. Lex continues to ignore them, instead pointing out that Ultraman keeps stealing Kryptonite and avoiding the sunlight. So he has weaknesses and can be hurt. And Black Adam is interested in being the one to hurt him, officially joining up.

Speaking of, Ultraman finally gets to Metallo, tearing out his heart and consuming the Kryptonite. Superwoman catches up with him, wondering when he's going to stop putting on this weak display of... having basic needs? Like, if he's not out hunting Kryptonite, he's gonna be even weaker, lady. Anyway, Ultraman replies that she's a nagging harpy and he'll have plenty for when whatever aliens chased them to this universe show up. She says they're not coming, and they have another arrival to prepare for: she's going to have a baby.

Superwoman warns him that Owlman may try to betray them and he needs to "stay strong". Weren't you just accusing him of being weak? And while that conversation of nothing is going on, we cut over to Power Ring and Deathstorm, who are still lamenting how the Rogues got away last time. Power Ring's power ring is demanding a recharge, and Power Ring himself is cringing and simpering like usual. Deathstorm is recalled to the lab by Ultraman, leaving Power Ring to deal with Captain Cold himself. He calls up Grid, begging for backup, and Grid assures him someone is on the way.

Meanwhile, Lex's group trudges through a sewer. Black Adam is pretty annoyed at taking the stealthy approach, but Lex rightfully points out that his last head-on confrontation left him with his jaw crushed and thrown into the ocean. As they approach a tunnel, Bizarro freezes up. Turns out the big lug is scared of the dark. The others go on without him, and Lex is about to do the same. But then, seeing Bizarro stand there, he relents and tells him about a time when he was afraid. He was seventeen, and his sister was ill. She needed a cure, and Lex couldn't find it. She died a year later. Lex vowed to never be afraid again. Especially not of failure.

And this... this motivates Bizarro. He puts a hand on Lex's shoulder in comfort and speaks his first real words: "Bizarro... try." And they go on through the tunnel together. The tunnel leads under Wayne Enterprises, and Bizarro and Black Adam smash up into the ceiling for them. This leads the Injustice Gang right in the path of Batman. There's a brief confrontation, with Batman throwing up a smokescreen while he and Catwoman hide. Cold points out that if Batman is alive, possibly the rest of the League is too, and Lex determinedly insists Superman is totally dead, for reals.

Before things can escalate between the two groups, a third party steps in: Power Ring and his backup. He's got Giganta, Blockbuster, Shadowthief, Deathstroke, and Copperhead with him. So, a bit of a powerhouse. Batman decides to fight fire with fire and slips on the yellow ring. And we get the cool, cool shot of Yellow Lantern Batman. He creates a bat construct, but unfortunately the ring was on zero charge and runs out, Power Ring overpowering him and taking the ring. No sooner does he break it that the wall behind him explodes. This looks like a job for Sinestro himself~

Well, it’s a new continuity, so we can run this ground again of Batman being a paranoid asshole who plans how to defeat his friends behind their backs. I said “Tower of Babel” was a good story, but that was because it was the first time I’d seen the concept play out. It’s gotten old now. Plus there were consequences and repurcussions for that one. I don’t know/remember if there’s any for this here. It does lead to the cool shot of Yellow Lantern Batman, though, so that’s a minor point towards forgiveness. But the real highlight of this issue for me is Lex Luthor actually letting down his emotional walls and giving a pep talk to Bizarro. It was genuinely touching. And even better, it worked. Good for you, Lex~