#but still leaving it here for myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
uhhh so the number four is associated with death in certain cultures, including japanese, which is fitting for the butcher’s son, yes but just remember neil was supposed to be number three and jean was supposed to be number four ,and in every draft but one jean dies. he is symbolically saved from that fate by dodging the number four (being given, instead, the number three which represents REBIRTH of all things - i made a whole post about that if ur curious) because it means he was never marked for death. so in this draft, where he’s number three, but was supposed to be number four, he comes so close to death - to the point where renee doesn’t know how he’s still alive - because he was supposed to die, doomed by the narrative, but that number three saves him. that number three represents resurrection, and so he doesn’t die like he was supposed to. because he’s not number four, he’s number three. he comes back. he transforms, he heals. he becomes number 29 (i will eventually make a post about jean and the 29)
neil, though, was marked for death. he had the number four tattooed on him, and he goes through his own narrative believing he will die by the end of it. his survival, however, is foreshadowed in the very moment neil thinks he’s about to die - when he is kidnapped. lola burns the number four - the signifier of death - off his face, leaving him scarred, yes, but not marked for death anymore. and so he lives. and guess what: the number 10 represents the start of a new chapter, that one cycle is coming to an end and a new life is starting, one that you’ve worked hard for. so for the number four to be burned off of neil, that tells us neil is going to live. and when neil becomes neil legally, he settles into the number 10 properly. and his new life begins.
#god this was difficult to write bc i have so much more to say about this but i just can’t word it#like i can’t make myself make sense#so i’ll leave it here lol#aftg number analysis#number 4#number 10#neil josten#jean moreau#aftg#all for the game#the number 10 also represents completeness which is seen as neil completes the team allowing them to get to championships#and the number four also represents balance which neil attempts to achieve on the team#by uniting the upper class men and the monsters#i still have so much more to say but i’ll leave it here#stay tuned for more unhinged number analysis#i have to say when i first read the books at 16 i got SO HAPPY when lola burned the four off neil bc HE NO LONGER IS MARKED BY DEATH SO#HE’s GOING TO SURVIVE THIS#but i’ve not seen anyone else point it out
953 notes
·
View notes
Text
been watching a lot of hermitcraft recently and am happy to report that i am hopelessly endeared by these little goobers 💕 they’re like bugs to me
close ups under the cut!
gonna be real this was absolutely just me taking the opportunity to get my grubby lil mitts all up in their character designs lol i heart interpreting mc skins
#my post#my art#hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#oh boy here we go#zedaph#tangotek#bdoubleo100#bdubs#rendog#falsesymmetry#stressmonster101#iskall85#cubfan135#goodtimeswithscar#WHY are there so MANYYY (<- is the one who drew that many)#anyways i love them they’re so…………#also just for the record i have Peaked with that lil ouppy rendog just LOOK AT HIMMM#i will never draw anything better than that he’s literally perfect#don’t. don’t worry about how long it took to draw one tiny thing it definitely wasn’t embarrassingly long struggling with dog legs#i’m also really proud of horsegirl bdubs giving his horf a big ol ‘MWAH!’ but that’s just because that one’s real cute :)#but yeah this was just a lil somethin somethin i poked at whenever i was in a Mood and needed something to draw forrr however many months#i tried challenging myself to draw hermits i probably wouldn’t much otherwise :)#it was fun i love designing my interpretations of various skins#it was really funny tho how i was fighting for my LIFE drawing zed and meanwhile ren and stress turned out perfect first try#was that purely on me for giving him wool and a terrible angle to draw a face at?#……..yeah probably but STILL#but i’m really pleased with how he turned out so 100% worth it babyyy#anyways posting this so i’ll stop poking at it i’ve gone ‘okay it’s Officially Done’ like 5 times now lol i need to leave it alone#POSTING THIS AGAIN BECAUSE I FORGOT TO TURN ON A LAYER AND DIDN’T NOTICEEE IF YOU SAW THE OG POST NO YOU DIDN’T
278 notes
·
View notes
Text
Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 4 - Nuthin' but Boothill Edition
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#boothill#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#hsr textpost#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#hsr spoilers#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hmmm... don't think it's worth tagging the others in the 9th image. this ain't about them#still unsure abt how to do the alt text for these kinda posts properly but hopefully i'm improving#anyways. don't think i've ever seen heard and typed "cowboy' so many times in one day as i have while making this good lord#i did a bit of digging around and haven't Seen any of these done yet so. here's hoping that's the case!#i'm only ~3/4 of the way through the 2.2 main quest but the need to make these compelled me to put these out Now#i can already tell u that there Will be more of these for Boothill tho bc i'm crazy abt him. probably enough to make another dedicated post#but i'm gonna wait until i'm fully caught up on the plot (and will probably spoil myself for more of his character lore after that as well)#speaking of. i'm gonna go eat mac n' cheese and stay up too late playing through the rest of the main quest#i'm loving it so far. many thoughts head full abt it all but in a good way. hoping for more Boothill moments as we approach the end#he's def not the main character here but he is to Me okay. he is to me. i'm scarfing down every crumb he drops#i'm also suffering from Aventurine withdrawals out here. Argenti mentioning him was Interesting but i need More. Where Is He.#also. was Argenti intentionally not voiced or was it a game issue?? the hell was that. threw me off so hard when i couldn't hear him speak#anyways i'm getting off topic and wasting precious gaming time so i'll be takin' my leave now
614 notes
·
View notes
Text
happy birthday Endou & happy 16th anniversary Inazuma Eleven!!
#remembered this really late and speedran the art before evening shift#I missed the 15th anni so I wanted to redeem myself this year and picked the same theme as in 10th anni art: sunflowers#in the middle of lining this I thought it would be fun if there were 16 sunflowers (two of them are in hiding)#and when I was about to finish I looked at the 10th anni art and what would you know... same brain as six years ago. that art has 10 flower#I bestow all the sunflowers upon all my favourite characters#own art#inazuma eleven#inazuma eleven go#inazuma eleven areori#inazuma eleven victory road#(cont from first tag > now 9 hours later I'm leaving work and finally posting)#(it's still 22nd for a few hours here so it's ok right)
217 notes
·
View notes
Text
i personally have very complicated feelings on the Gotham Knights video game and the routes it takes with characterization. i think it has a charm to it and it goes in an interesting direction with everyone (especially within the confides of the plot of the game) but it does have certain moments that veer painfully fanon for me. (such as: the dialogue where Tim drinks too much coffee) it's an interesting story for what it is but i don't view it comics-based for characterization and therefore don't care to interact with it much for like. fanfic purposes.
that *said* though. i do have to give the game some kind of credit for giving one of the top five JayTim moments that lives rent free in my mind. every since i played the game, the cutscene lives in my mind daily. it's the specific cutscene where Jason and Tim are arguing about whether or not Jason's non-lethal bullets are too dangerous for the field, and the argument leads to TIm *standing in front of the target* Jason is shooting and telling Jason to shoot him. it lives rent free for me. i never stop thinking about this.
the absolute certainty Tim has that he is in no danger standing in front of Jason, who has a loaded gun pointed at his face. the way Jason *hesitates* for just a moment before lowering the gun. he thinks about it for just a second. Gotham Knights JayTim seem to get along very well and can rely on each other, but Jason still clearly holds a bitterness about his death and Tim that flickers through in some lines of dialogue under the guise of jokes. especially since this game deals *heavily* with concepts of Pit Madness causing an altered state of consciousness, i think it's believable that occasionally, Jason fights the urge to fight and hurt Tim for the feeling of being replaced.
i like their tension so much in this canon. they get along but you can *tell* Tim is afraid of addressing Jason's trauma or even addressing Jason head-on, and Jason leans into spooking Tim about it. which isn't very comics feeling in their dynamic, but it is an interesting way to place their dynamic if you're playing with a more timid Tim who's newer to the role of Robin. (which he seems to be in-game) he really doesn't want to offend Jason, or worse, piss him off. but he'll still face Jason head on for things like this, while completely aware of what Jason could be capable of.
and Jason seems very protective of Tim and respecting Tim as a Robin in typical Jason fashion. if Tim pushes, Jason *will* relent. he knows this is a kid who's proved himself and should be treated with equal respect, sometimes even more than Dick and Babs do in-game.
so for all that to culminate in Tim stepping in front of Jason's loaded gun that he *knows* is on the edge of being too dangerous, just to force Jason to listen? it's the most unhinged way Tim could've gotten his point across in this scene. he was literally daring Jason to hurt him and playing with a very dangerous fire. but he did it anyway bc he believed he could make Jason heel just at the thought of hurting Tim. and he was *right*. they're gay and i'm feral ty.
#necrotic festerings#jaytim#tim drake x jason todd#gotham knights game#i hate their character designs for what it's work#BUT the size difference. jesus.#anyway i could write a gotham knights jaytim fic i think#i'm *very* unsure the ages intended for these characters#bc tim certainly seems to be intended to be a teenager#whereas jason seems in his 20s so i think it's a gap that's bigger than the comics#which also makes it fun. usually you don't get a ton of age gap with jaytim they're just under 2 yrs apart#but this tim is definitely still a teen and jason is an adult.#and seems to enjoy being a bad influence on tim in the game so#there's such good fodder for some dead dove shit#anyway the funny thing is i like this game#you don't want to know how many hours i've played it#it's just best treated as a seperate iteration of the characters than being an adaptation of anything#esp since they're *so* vague and waffly on jason's backstory#as well as not giving a ton of info on how tim became robin#you assume it's similar to comics but some details leave gaps in the timeline. so idek#probably not somehting meant to be thought about too hard.#but i'm an overthinker at heart.#my point is they're gay. this is gay. it baffles me ppl don't look at this as the gayest shit alive.#tim daring jason to shoot him is the most tim drake thing in this game#well that and tim wanting to make a talon in the belfrey.#also NO one say a word about the gif quality /lh#i had to make it MYSELF#i do everything around here to show off their gay shit#sorta tempted to just make a masterpost of “every gay ass interaction between jaytim”#bc i've seen some clips from the titans show
158 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy new years… let’s stay hydrated together ✨
#I didn’t end up going to the rave just stayed in with my buddies and had KFC (( Korean fried chicken )) and laughed til we cried so#it was still a wonderful start to the new year 💞🥰💞#but the fwb wanted pics of my potential rave look so I figured eh I brought the stuff anyways#and now I’m imagining locking eyes with a stranger on the warm and writhing dance floor#the beat thumps and shakes and rattles the air in our breath as the spotlights dance in the reflections of our held gaze#he pushes his way through the crowd with a singular stare and a wicked smile on his face#I smile and turn my back on him arching myself so he knows I am giving what he’s looking for#I take careful steps through the revelry toward the edge where the crowd thins out#I prop myself up on an available stool in a lonely corner of the club as he closes the distance between us#“now I wonder why you dragged me all the way here” he utters in a playful growl “trying to get far away from the crowd?”#I smile and I nod. “obviously. can’t really do what I want with you out there”#his eyes perk up and his smile gives away the desire building inside him. “yeah? why don’t you show me then.”#“I thought you’d never ask” I smirk. I reach down into my pants and pull out my phone#“so this one is blue. he’s the oldest but he’s sooooo sweet. and that’s Eva. my only girl she’s sassy but she loves swea-” he leaves#whaddahell I say demurely whimpering even… whaddahell…#gpoy
547 notes
·
View notes
Text
GUYS HEAR ME OUT!!!!!!!
WHAT IF YUUJI CURSED SUKUNA TO LIVE/NOT BE ALONE...
We can see here how yuji is trying very hard to convince sukuna to accept the deal. He first forced / threatened sukuna into accepting the deal. Which is different from what he did for Gumi, he allowed Gumi to decide for himself and didn't coerce him at all..
This is similar to what happened to yuta and rika. Yuta absolutely refused to let rika die here. He did it unintentionally since you know he was just a child..
Yuji is trying to do for sukuna what his grandpa did for him. I mean sukuna had no one to save him so Yuji wanted to be that person for him. And in my opinion sukuna was more scared of living than dying in that particular moment ig..
#i swear guys i haven't moved on at a from suku's conclusion i am still salty about it#but this jjk brainrot wouldn't leave alone. like i am literally looking at this one kusakabe panel and bam i got this idea#but honestly i want to say this i did get this idea but i myself don't buy at all#i have explained in my previous post why i don't buy it. but i thought of those anon and fellow sukuita moots who were making theories#so decided to share it here#so at least they can enjoy..#i think i am also cursed by this manga#oh i have one more clue but i guess i ll post it later#jujutsu kaisen#itadori yuuji#ryomen sukuna#sukuita#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk268
123 notes
·
View notes
Text
There have to be times when Gordon preemptively assumes that Batman's vanished. Like if there's a break in the conversation or a vital clue's been shared, without looking he says, "I guess we'll have to ask our questions next time," and Dent goes: "Or we could ask him now? He's right next to you."
#Gordon (double take): You're still here!?#Batman: I can... leave?#Dent: ?????#Or when Gordon tries lighting a cigarette after a meeting#and nearly jumps out of his skin because the vigilante reminds him he was supposed to quit.#how embarrassing for him#but I know I'd get conditioned too in expecting batman to vanish#politely turning to give the guy some room#Jim gordon#batman#bruce wayne#batposting#dc comics#harvey dent#EDITED: For numerous spelling and grammatical errors to keep me from launching myself into the sun
164 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm actually going to be so upset if we don't see anyone mourning gojo
like so far we haven't seen anyone care? we haven't seen anyone be even a little sad or grateful for his death. what do you mean he wrote them letters and nobara went 'yuck' and megumi said 'let's get this over with' i'm losing my fucking mind
like if a character that's this important disappears from your story you can't just. sweep it under the rug. like when jiraiya and ace die we saw everyone grieving their loss because they mattered to people.
doesn't gojo deserve that too?
#i'm having trouble expressing myself here i'm afraid#the thing is that i *get* gojo's death#jiraiya and ace's deaths are super impactful and no one's mad about it even if the characters were beloved#hell ace was my favorite character by the time he died#but gojo's death leaves such a bad taste in my mouth bc of the airport scene#(i hate the aiport scene)#and more importantly bc no one ALIVE cares#i could understand that there was no time for mourning in the middle of battle#but NOW??#think we might see it from yuta but it still sucks that we're not seeing anyone just... care#like not even be sad. care.#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#jjk 236#jjk 268#gojo satoru#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#i expect a scene with shoko too#i just don't think it's enough
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm still here........ and convinced he thinks mitch might disappear if he takes his eyes off of him for one second. what a ridiculous series of images, i'm so so......... SO obsessed with them
#1634#like. he is jsut.. LOOKING#L👁👁KING#and cannot stop#any other normal human being would not be like tjfkdlszxnj#like whats he waiting for.. is there some inside joke here#did mitch have to leave n come back for some silly reason n hes like. waiting to see mitchs reaction like#the cute dedicated puppy he is.#ik we talk abt mitch being puppy coded but like. what is all this then. JKFLDSLFK#devotion and love knows no bounds it really doesnt#the way 3 seconds of footage will keep me fed for hours-to-days like im sorry but its just.#auston matthews#mitch marner#there is no way around... whatever the hell this is#adn their joy abt getting to play hockey and be near each other#its one thing to hear abt these commentators n insiders talk abt them as a pair in a lot of ways. n know those things bc they get to see#them behind the scenes all the time#but the glimpses we receive.... ohhhohohoho boy#its a new year. new teammates. but always them#every day i convince myself mitch is such a significant reason austons still here and every day i prove myself correct#psychoanalyzing clips of them to DEATH.
185 notes
·
View notes
Text
how it feels to discover a blog that has a tag with a bunch of archived posts of ur favorite characters that you've never seen before
#i couldn't even make it to the bottom of the tag i scrolled back like two years and had to make myself stop bc i was getting wayyy too-#-worked up about ethubs for my own good. i was like ok i need to stop lmao. ur honor i love them to bits i love them so much#<no but seriously it's almost been exactly a year since i watched bdubs' last life WHY AM I STILL HERE#they won't leave my brain. i've never been consistently intensely insane abt a duo for anywhere close to this long before.#anyways i have so many things to do and notifs and asks to respond to on here ignore meee <3#terra is rambling
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.
#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written#(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into#the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he#is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need#to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment#into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u#best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second#I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just#get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders#in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back#together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to#leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts#to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking#Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see#before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic#OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of#everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y’know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt#that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them#where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian#(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk#because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#scorpus#tenax
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
time for another “THANK YOU I LOVE YOU” message: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! i’ve been struggling with some severe burnout in all facets of my life as a result of being too stubborn and prideful to recognize said burnout and so i’ve had a hard few weeks with just that + tumultuous personal life stuff + blah blah blah, and wanted to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! i’m giving a little rest from reviews and art (moreso the former) since i was really forcing myself to make ends meet and turning it into a chore and so i’m just kind of forcing myself to stop and rest and be a person. which is excruciatingly hard for a GO GO GO person like me so i just wanted to say thank you for your patience and understanding with that! and thank you for your support!!! i haven’t had the emotional bandwidth to answer asks or DMs lately but i promise i see them and am seriously grateful for everyone who has sent one in, i really want to share the love and get back on my feet and be more active and open and talkative since I LOVE INTERACTING WITH YOU GUYS!! so i just wanted to say thank you for your patience and support in spite of all that. i’m usually my worst enemy in terms of putting the most pressure under myself and buckling under it as a result, i know realistically nobody is sharpening their harpoon gun because i didn’t touch a review for a week. but i wanted to put out a message as a bit of peace of mind regardless 🙏 thank you for your support in any capacity and know that i am extremely grateful for it beyond words!
#just every single aspect of my life has become a chore and obligation and an unhappy one and i thought the solution to that was to force#through it and that is not the case! i hate feeling ‘lazy’ but my body was literally giving out and i still am busy with work obligations so#i can’t afford to have my hobbies and personal life causing that much pain#but rest assured the art and reviews and chatting will pick up! i love them too much to stop and refuse to! that’s why i’m in this scenario#but i just wanted to say thank you and give a bit of an explanation because i would keep agonizing otherwise lol#going through a bit of a transitional period and learning how to care for myself better so i can be more available for friends and acquain#tances. and that includes yinz! thank you for leaving asks and DMs and replies and reblogs i hope it never stops! i want to get more#equipped to answering them#thank you for being here :)
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
20 notes
·
View notes