#but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life

[chaosduckies]

Silence In The City (2)

Don’t really know how to feel about this one but oh well the brainrot wanted it. This one is a little heartwarming though! (To me). So uhhh just enjoy another part of the kaiju stories :D

CW: Anxiety

Word Count: 4.4k

2- Devon

When I woke up this morning there were several people effortlessly getting me to my feet. I groaned, unaware of what was happening. Several people were talking as they shoved my forward but my legs didn’t want to move. They kept yelling commands at me as I groggily rubbed my eyes open. “Wha-” I barely choked the words out before being thrown onto an oddly familiar, hard metal floor. My arms were a little shaky trying to keep my body up. My vision was a little blurry, but as I looked around I could tell I was in an extremely dim room. I took deep breaths to calm down. To stop myself from overthinking. Where was I? I thought I was going home today. What was going on? Were they going to kill me? I bit the bottom of my lip, forcing my head up to take in my surroundings. There were huge metal walls, a mirror high above, something black moving… Wait…

My eyes widened once the black, scaly and spiky looking wall in front of me moved along the metal floor. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. This place made everything worse. My eyes felt red and puffy after crying myself to sleep last night, and not to mention how I spend almost every waking moment here anxious and scared. After the experience with Kieran I thought I would be able to go home… apparently not. After all, I was in the same room as him right now. I think. My hands turned into fist as what seemed like their tail lifted up, revealing tired eyes. I jumped, staring. It was Kieran all right. The same purple eyes as yesterday. 

Kieran rolled his eyes, huffing through his nose and moving his tail over me. I placed my hands over my head, a little scared that he was going to crush me. I also had just woken up so my mind was everywhere but thinking about the way he treated me yesterday. Nice and some-what calmly and not the monster that they said he was. After a few seconds, when I realized that I wasn’t dead, I turned my head to see that their tail was surrounding me. Why? He didn’t really seem like he even wanted to be around anyone. Heck, I didn’t even know what time it was. Just early in the morning. 

He stole a glance over at me, holding a silent staring contest. I sucked in a deep breath, rubbing my eyes and yawning. He blinked, doing the same but covering up his mouth. I stared down at the ground. I think I had an idea of why they would cover up their mouth but I wasn’t going to say anything. Even though I was still half asleep I’m sure I would pass out. I’m surprised I haven’t yet. Kieran glared at the mirror, making himself smaller and struggling with how small the room was for him. The horns on his head hitting the roof every now and then. He grumbled everytime, just burying his head into his knees. Was it really that hard just to raise the ceiling a little? It seemed annoying to him. How does he even stand up? I feel like it would cramp up my legs if I was forced to sit down all day. I doubt he could even stretch them out.

I started to lay down before there was a red light blaring above. Kieran turned to me, “You need to get up.” He whispered. His voice still hurt my ears but not nearly as much before. I forced myself back up, even standing on my feet. I was scared of not doing what he tells me to. Especially after thinking of how many times I could’ve died yesterday. Too many. Would today be like yesterday? Why was I here? I yawned again, rubbing my eyes. 

Kieran studied me for a while before looking up at the ceiling, ignoring the flashing red lights. Eventually they went away but I had no idea what they were for. Was something about to happen? It was already hard enough to keep myself from having another anxiety attack. I didn’t have my pills either. I took a few seconds to just focus on something and clear my mind. That usually helps. I hadn’t realized Kieran looking at me confused before I turned back around, a little more calm. I played with my hands before one of the walls started opening, revealing an outside space that was still surrounded by walls that seemed to go on for forever. The sun shone brightly above, even though it was still morning. The place it shone on relished in the light with the many trees and overgrown weeds and bushes. It actually looked kind of beautiful in a way. I guess that answers my question of how he hasn’t just given up on life yet. Though this place kind of looks familiar. I knew this base I was in was by the ocean of course, but where? I shook my head, watching as Kieran crawled onto his hands and knees still somehow managing to bang the back of his head hard against the roof. He winced, groaning out frustration. If I were being honest it was a terrifying sight, chills ran down my spine, but there was no way he’d hurt me, right? 

“Let him die and you’ll regret it.” There was a voice over a speaker that made the spikes on Kierans back flare up. Like he felt threatened. He was right to think that, even her voice made me terrified. Though that wasn’t hard to do. Kieran rolled his eyes, but I could tell that he was fine with letting me come along. He nudged his head outside, as if telling me to follow. I jumped, jogging and slowing down when I ran past one of his hands. This was going to be a lot of work for me. It was too early in the morning to be out exercising. I winced when I rolled my ankle, nearly tripping. I really was a sad excuse for a human. I caught myself, letting out a sigh of relief when I didn’t fall. Kieran tilted his head when I stopped, apparently not seeing how I almost tripped. To be honest I couldn’t be more grateful that he didn’t see. He seemed like the teasing type. Even if he was more alone and annoyed than anything. 

I paused when Kieran started moving, lowering his head and squinting his eyes down at me. He let out a huff from his nose, “This is the last time I’m helping you.” I jumped, shutting my eyes closed and hearing some shuffling before everything seemed to stop. When I looked back, I saw his hand laid flat onto the ground, still huge and looked hard to even climb on to. I looked back up at him, his eyes reading ‘hurry up’. I hesitantly ran over to his hand, struggling to climb on. It was hard and it made me feel uneasy at just how huge he was compared to me. He seemed to grow impatient this way too, but I forced myself up, the muscles in my arms tired. As soon as I was on I rolled onto my back, sighing and looking up, only seeing the ceiling far above me. 

This all felt so strange. This wasn’t my first time in his hand and yet, it felt so different. Instead of trying to keep me in a fist he just kept his palm up, fingers a little curled as if creating a border. My heart was racing. What was I thinking? The one time I’m not thinking and this is what happens. I’m completely at his mercy. He could drop me and not even know. Forget that I’m there. I heard my own heartbeat beat through my ears, my vision growing a little stretched out. I sighed, sitting up and taking long and deep slow breaths. They didn’t give me the chance to grab my pills… or even take them beforehand. I’d have to go through the day without any help.

Kieran tilted his head in confusion, not giving a warning before bringing his hand up, giving a small glance to make sure I was okay before crawling through the door. It was weird. I was high up, but I know he wasn’t standing up. Was it for me? There was no way. He seemed a little annoyed already that he had to help me again after saying he wouldn’t do so anymore yesterday. I still have no idea what that meant.

It would be crazy to say that I wasn’t terrified. Who wouldn’t be in this situation? Going to an unknown abandoned part of a city, only having a half-human half-kaiju looking out for you that had very hard emotions to read. Seriously, I couldn’t tell if he was happy that I was forced to be in here or just annoyed. My fate had seemed to be between his palm or a deadly fall. Not sure which I trusted more. Even though Kieran seemed to prove that he really wasn’t harmful at all. At least to me. 

Kieran brought us both to an empty space that looked like he stayed here often with how everything was moved around for his convenience. We both turned to each other, as if he was trying to figure out what to do with me. My anxiousness couldn’t take it as I gripped the hem of my shirt and fidgeted with my shaky hands. What was he going to be doing with me? I hated how he waited so long before lowering his hand to the ground, slightly tilting it so it was easier to slide down. I stumbled off with a yelp before eating a mouthful of thankfully soft grass that broke my fall. I groaned slightly, hearing Kieran very softly laugh above me before apologizing, “Sorry.” It was unsettling that he could see me. Not even mention hear me. Like I wouldn’t be able to escape even if I could. He’d easily found me. Or… maybe that’s how he noticed me in danger? Besides seeing the Kaiju that was running through the streets, how would he have known I was trapped and needed help? I guess having good sight and hearing was a good thing. The pros outweigh the cons apparently. 

He moved, the ground shaking slightly as he did and laid down in the clearing he had made for himself, a pair of arms being used as a headrest and the other two tucked away underneath his stomach. The sun was barely going to start rising, meaning it wasn’t even six in the morning yet. I rubbed my eyes, yawning before sitting up, cleaning the dirt off of my clothes. What was the purpose of me even being here? Should I ask Kieran? Would he know? He does word things a little weird. Like he’s not going to help me anymore? When would he have to after this? My parents would probably want to move away from the coast like they always have. I think the only reason we stayed was because I absolutely loved the beach. So was it my fault we were in this mess in the first place? I shook my head, trying to take my mind off of it. I can just ask my parents when I get home, right? 

When I looked back up to Kieran, his eyes were closed, his breathing slow. Should I ask  him now? While he’s not in such an anguished mood? Was it a bad idea? Would he do something if I bothered him? Would he try to scare me off again? A million thoughts raced through my head. It was hard to choose between which one, or the many outcomes. He might not even wake up! Should I raise my voice a little? Could I even manage that? It didn’t seem very likely if I were being honest. 

“...Will I be g-g-going back home?” I nearly choked on my words, unhopeful of an answer. I was too quiet. Kieran had to be asleep- his head lifted up almost immediately. I couldn’t tell if he was shocked or just trying to catch my own reaction. He sighed, letting out a huff of air from his nose, ruffling my hair. “No. Probably not.” I didn’t know if it was just me, but I couldn’t help but catch the sad hint in his voice. The words hit me twice as hard then. I… Wouldn’t be going back home? Why? I thought they said I would be! I heard my heartbeat ring through my ears, my breathing seeming to slow down. I couldn’t cry here! It would be pathetic! Were the scientists watching? 

“L-look,” He stuttered, “I didn’t mean to say it so harshly, but they’re probably not going to let you go back after doing what they asked you to. That’s why I tried to scare you off yesterday but… you’re very hard to be annoyed and mad at.” For once, I could read his emotions clearly. He was sad. Worried. Almost like it was directed for me. My lips quivered. So if I had run from him yesterday I would’ve been gone? Back home? Why did I have to be so stubborn? Why did I always make the wrong decision? I wanted so badly to run but I didn’t. I wiped away the incoming tears. He really wasn’t trying to be mean. He was just trying to save me. To send me back home. So why did he react that way? Why was it so hard to get mad at me? It seemed to be the complete opposite with other people. 

“I-I’m sorry.” Maybe he didn’t want to be around me anyways. Was that an unspoken reason? I shouldn’t have even been outside that day. I should’ve just forced my way into the underground bunkers like my parents had done. Kieran shouldn’t have had to save me in the first place. Then I would’ve been fine and probably still living out my depressing life. 

Another huff of air hit me, “I don’t know why you’re apologizing. It was my fault why you’re stuck here anyways,” He winced, propping his head up with one of his hands, “I should be the one sorry, and I am.” This was probably the most he’s ever talked to me. A little loud for my ears even though he was whispering, but there was nothing I could do about that. I stayed silent for a while. What else was there to do? I was here for Kieran! Heck, I didn’t even know why they brought me here. But another question popped into my mind.

“Why d-did you s-save me then?” I fidgeted with my hands. That kept the both of us quiet for a while. Neither of us knew what to say. Like even Kieran didn’t know why he saved me. I mean I’m extremely grateful that he did but if he knew that this would happen then why do it in the first place? 

“You needed help. I saw you. And, well, I didn’t want you to die. So I just helped you out.” Kieran stared, his full attention on the next words that leave my mouth. What was I supposed to say? It was nice of him to help just because I was in danger but why did he emphasize that he didn’t want me to die? Were they telling him otherwise? I wouldn’t be shocked if that were the case. They didn’t seem to have any regard for anyone. What was one death going to do anyways when you could save millions of other people? I guess a lot of people thought the same way. 

“Th-thank you.” I turned and looked away. I already said thank you, but it was all I could think of to say. Kieran rolled his eyes, though I could see the slight smile on his face,“Now it’s my turn,” His voice was a lot softer as he moved closer to me, though I instinctively moved a little bit away. He didn’t show any reaction to it, but I could tell he was going to say something. 

“Why are you still here if you’re scared?” He pointed a finger out into the city, the sun rising above it finally. I flinched ever so slightly, but of course that caught his attention and made him frown just a tiny bit. 

“U-um, it’s uh-” I didn’t actually have a reason for staying. Because I didn’t want to be alone? Because it was the right thing to do? It was a hard question to answer. I knew it was easy to see that I was afraid, but if I were being honest I’d rather take my chances with Kieran than going off somewhere else. Plus, I was still confused why the scientists said something about me dying. What did it mean? Was there something else in here? I was tempted to ask Kieran but it was their turn for questions, and I couldn’t even answer one. 

“I just feel safer here. Even though you’re huge.” I move my hands out apart to explain my point, trying to calm my racing heart. Did I answer it right? Was that what he wanted to hear? Kieran stared with curious eyes, only to let out a playful huff through his nose, full on laughing. I had to cover my ears to make sure my eardrums wouldn’t bust, but I laughed lightly with him too. I admit it was funny, but to Kieran it might be for a different reason. 

“Ah, sorry that was loud,” He apologized, quieting his voice to a whisper that was still a little loud for me, “You feel safer with someone you’re scared of? You’re just strange. But in a good way I guess.” A good way? What did that mean? Was there even a good version of being strange? In my book there wasn’t if people say you’re weird then you’re weird. That’s just how it worked. But I guess in a way Kieran knew things others didn’t. Obviously things I didn’t either. 

Kieran sighed, seemingly focused on something that wasn’t here. I lowered my hands back from my ears and began playing with them. What should I do? I was terrified of going off on my own, but I also didn’t just want to stay there doing nothing. Then again, did I really have a choice? Ever since I’ve been here I haven’t been able to do what I’ve wanted to. I didn’t have time to grab my pills, I haven’t eaten in over a day, pretty much everything hurt, I’ve had several breakdowns and it hasn’t even been a full day here. I’d say things were going pretty bad. 

“You know you don’t have to stay here. Just watch out for the small kaiju. They have them out.” Kieran explained. My eyes widened, my heart slightly beating faster. I could even hear it ring in my ears. Small kaiju? Like the ones that are as big as a large dog? I don’t even think I could handle those if I were being honest. I’ve never had to fight back against any kind of kaiju. Heck, I’m pretty sure I’d just pass out. It would be pathetic to say that to Kieran though. Even though he probably already thinks that about me. No surprise there really. 

I stayed silent, even moving the slightest bit closer to Kieran despite my heart beating rapidly. He stared for a long while before sighing through his nose, ruffling my hair a bit, “Whatever  you want.” He shrugged his shoulders, turning back towards whatever was going on. It was still early in the morning, and honestly I was tired and hungry but my anxiousness kept me distracted. There were kaiju in here that could kill me. Was that why they had said I could die? I thought they had just meant that Kieran would be the one to kill me, but apparently it was the complete opposite. He was the one protecting me. 

I jumped when I heard something distant, like something falling and crashing. The Kaiju? Were they coming here? My heart rang faster through my ears as I turned around. There was nothing there, but there was no that whatever fell did on its own. “U-um, is that them?” I wasn’t sure he heard me, but he just sighed, “Annoying….” My eyes widened? Was I annoying? Should I stop talking? What was he going to do? Was I in trouble? I mean of course I was in trouble but that didn’t help figure out what he was going to do! I knew I was annoying but did it have to be now to say it? Right when I was already anxious? 

Kieran held his head up with one of his hands, the other moving right in front of me, like he was waiting for something. I looked around, seeing that his arm was covering my last escape route. To go along with that, there was a not so small Kaiju rounding the corner. Okay, maybe small for Kieran but for me? It was twice the size of a bear, looked kind of like a really scaly dog. What really caught me off guard was the extremely sharp fangs. I jumped when it growled and charged towards me, baring its sharp teeth at me. My body was too terrified to move, let alone even scream. Kieran let out a huff through his nose and just simply moved his hand towards it, making them whine exactly like a dog would. I caught the smirk on Kieran’s face looking like he was pleased with himself. 

I hadn’t realized that I was breathing fast until I felt the air in my lungs give out on me. I took a few seconds to calm down once again. This was way too hard without taking my pills for the day. Just the constant worry and stress was too much to handle while out here. Didn’t I tell them about it? So why was I forced to be here? Kieran side-eyed me, probably to make sure I was okay. I probably looked like it since he looked away almost immediately, but I most definitely was not. Was I really annoying to him? Or maybe he was talking about the kaiju? He hadn’t even done anything to that one and they ran off. Does he deal with them everyday? If they knew he didn’t like them near then why even go near him? None of it made sense at all, but I couldn’t be more grateful that I wasn’t the one he threatened and instead the one he saved. Multiple times I might add even after he said that he wouldn’t anymore yesterday. 

“They’re annoying, not you. Don’t worry about it.” He explained. How did he know? Every. Single. Time. It’s like he could read how I felt or something. Like an empath. I couldn’t do that and I was freakishly good at reading people. How does he keep doing this? 

“They stay away from you?” I forced myself to stand up on shaky legs, walking over to his hand that had scared the one from earlier. Somehow it was a lot easier to talk to Kieran now. Like I was growing used to it? Should I? If I’m not going home, is that a good thing? I had no idea.I tried my best to ignore the lingering fear of being this close to Kieran, hiding behind his hand while peeking out to look for more of those kaiju. Kieran had waited a long time to answer. Like he was nervous or something. Though I was patient, taking a few shaky steps back when I heard another one. 

“Um, y-yeah,” He paused, his voice sounding a little nervous while moving his hand so I was hiding behind it again, “But you’re here so they kind of just want you.” His voice went back to being deep and short. Why did he sound nervous at first? I didn’t pay too much attention, too focused on the threat that minded its own business. Kieran sighed, “Kind of boring out here isn’t it?” My eyes widened. Was he actually starting a conversation with me? A mixture of emotions hit me. Excitement, a little bit of fear, but that didn’t stop me from replying like normal, “You mean besides the murderous dogs coming after me? Y-yeah I guess it is.” I tried to sound funny, and obviously it worked because we both started laughing, Kieran making sure to laugh quieter for me. 

It made me feel happy for once that I could make someone laugh besides my parents from time to time. I haven’t really felt this way in a while, and it's strange that I’m sharing it with someone who’s only partly human. Kieran stopped laughing and started to hold himself up, placing both arms underneath him. The silence stretched between us before my stomach growled quietly. I tried to muffle the sound so Kieran wouldn’t hear, but it was pretty much useless. He extended a hand out, “Let me guess, they didn’t feed you?” I nervously backed up, clutching my stomach and nodding my head. What did he think of me now? Just a few seconds we were having a little laugh but of course I had to ruin everything. 

“C’mon. They’ll probably give you something.” He waited for me to get onto his hand, a tired look on his face as always but there was something else that I couldn’t read. Why was he so confusing? Or maybe that wasn’t the right word.. Closed off? Maybe that was it. He didn’t make it easy to read any of his emotions at least. 

I walked over to his hand, trying to climb on but failing miserably as usual. It was just hard since I couldn’t get my leg over, but eventually I got the hang of it. I rolled over onto my back, sitting up and catching my breath. I really was small to him. I couldn’t even get onto his hand without trouble. I sighed hopelessly, clutching my stomach in case it decided to make the most embarrassing noise ever again. I just laughed softly in the end though , “What happened to not helping me again?” 

Kieran’s eyes shot open wide like he had forgotten his own promise. He huffed through his nose and rolled his eyes. For a second I thought he was actually mad at me before he laughed along, “I guess I changed my mind.” 

How could these people have treated him so horribly?  ——————

Again, don’t know how to feel about it and I think I mainly wrote this to satisfy my brainrot (I only want more now so that kind of backfired) But these two are definitely my favorite OC’s! Yes I am a still a little sick, but I’m working on editing all of the writing I did and will probably post them throughout the week!

Taglist: @da3dm @dav8530

If you would like to be added or removed please let me know!

[eggmeralda]

can you get burnout from doing nothing

[your-nanas-house]

The Beginning

◇ Pairing: Tom Riddle X professor!Reader

◇ Warnings: smut, manipulation, forbidden relationship, Tom Riddle, bath, nudity, dub-con, short age gap

◇ Summary: Tom notices that his favourite professor is a bit stressed.

◇ Note: Sorry for the mistakes and the English. Both character are aged up. Part 2 Part 3, Part 4

The room was filled with the chit chat of students who were taking the Defence Against the Dark Arts class, a subject often called simply DADA by everyone.

In the background of the big lesson room, there was soft music that created an almost pleasant atmosphere in contrast to the type of class that was taking place which had quite heavy topics that frightened many and intrigued others.

One of those people who were fascinated by the subject was Tom Riddle himself, clever boy, Slytherin and much more, especially the darling of professors, of every professor, except Albus Dumbledore, so the young professor Y/l/n was no exception.

There was a special bond between the wunderkind student and the professor, almost intimate if someone misinterpreted it but it was nothing like that or at least that was how it was for Y/n, the young witch had only managed to get her job a few years earlier and right from the start, thanks to the passion for her subject shared with Tom, they began to bond.

The Slytherin student who had now come of age and managed to become the head boy as well as a prefect, had approached the teacher to find out more secrets about magic and because he surprisingly found their conversations interesting as well as entertaining.

This was the real reason why he had started a few months after he met her to pretend to meet her by chance while walking around the castle, thus starting a routine between the two of them that happened almost every day if Y/n wasn't busy with her duties as a Hogwarts professor, which happened sometimes and which annoyed Tom for some strange reason.

Y/n was convinced that Tom saw her as a mother figure, someone to follow and learn from, and so did the young adult, but everything changed one evening.

After a busy astronomy lesson Tom wanted to visit his favorite teacher before heading back to his dormitory but when he reached the door of her classroom, hoping to find her still there, voices made him stop in his tracks.

The door was slightly open and he could easily see what was going on inside Miss Y/l/n's classroom.

She was inside, leaned against a table as she listened attentively to what someone was saying to her, Tom couldn't recognise the man so close to the woman with that look that the student had learned was lustful from the experience of his peers.

The whole situation awakened something all too well known inside the Slytherin heir, envy, pure green envy and resentment turned against them, something animalistic flared up inside him, a need to prove himself just as he had done at the orphanage when he was still a child.

Perhaps that was the reason that started the break of the platonic feelings the student had for his teacher.

New thoughts ran through his head as he decided how to move the pawns of his game in such a way as to receive what he wanted and thought he deserved, waiting patiently for the most suitable moment which came one summer night.

It had been a few months since the beginning of her senior year but they were almost at the end, his attitude had not changed in the slightest towards Miss Y/n and so the young woman did not suspect anything when she received a letter from Tom asking her for urgent help and giving her the coordinates of where to meet.

Worried, the young woman rushed to what she discovered was the prefects' bathroom, she was breathing heavily and was ready to solve whatever the problem was.

The young woman however had expected everything but her favorite student to wander calmly around the bathroom as he arranged the water and suds, meeting her eyes with his cold black ones, a faint smile forming on his face when he spoke "professor".

The atmosphere was suspicious in a way, suspicious but relaxing, since the aroma of soap filled the room as Tom tended to his clothes leaving them propped elegantly on a chair so they couldn't get wet "what's going on, Tom? I got your owl and I came as soon as I could" Y/n declared while she looked around, studying the bathroom in order to understand the riddle and discover why Tom Riddle had made her run all the way there.

She didn't even realize what the boy was doing before he was surrounded by the water and the foam caught her attention again.

Tom was standing in the tub, his clothes forgotten on the chair as the water made his pale skin and nearly Greek god muscles stand out; Y/n couldn't help but notice how his student had grown over the summer, making space for a decidedly attractive young man who reminded her very much of a Greek statue while her y/e/c moved around studying the parts of his skin on view, reaching his neck and finally his face.

She only realised she was holding her breath when their eyes met again, the situation they were in became much clearer to her and a blush appeared on her face making her turn quickly to give privacy to the young man who was staring at her amused with an unfamiliar twinkle behind his pitch black eyes.

She could hear him moving in the water, probably moving closer to where she was before speaking again "I've noticed that you are under a lot of stress lately....I thought a bath might help you, professor" the Slytherin revealed with a mischievous smile that relented slightly when she politely declined several times before attempting to leave the room, soon ending up in the water though, Tom's arms wrapped around her as if they were two snakes, his breath was warm against her neck and she could feel him take in her scent before letting his lips graze the delicate skin of that area "I know you want it too" whispered the young man almost in an attempt to seduce her as he sensed the shiver that ran through her body.

"No one will have to know, my mouth will remain closed" he whispered again, licking this time behind her ear before starting to play with her lobe using his teeth "come on...professor".

Miss Y/l/n's eyes flattered closed despite the fact that she tried to fight her lust, but it was immensely difficult with Tom's large, long hands, which traveled slowly all over her body exploring and almost expertly touching the areas that would make her give in.

It was as if there was a study behind it, his hands traveled with the wisdom of someone who had studied but not yet experimented with practice, this however did not silence the voices telling her not to do it.

The struggle in her head continued and the more time passed the harder it was to resist, especially now that the young adult's body was right against her back and she could feel everything from his muscular chest to his abs to his hard cock against her lower back.

His warm breath was against her now cold neck, making her

shiver and sigh deeply memorising how Tom was touching her because it had been quite some time since she had fucked anyone.

Despite the urge boiling inside her, Y/n shifted, slipping from the wizard's strong grip, stopping his next movements by placing her hand on his smooth chest.

Tom's black eyes met her y/e/c's, his large hand with long, skinny fingers wrapped around her wrist, slowly moving it to his lips, his tongue tracing its way to the inside of her hand before stopping to allow their lips to meet in a strangely soft kiss.

Miss Y/n's tits were against Tom's muscular, pale chest, her hands buried in his black hair as the boy's arms were around her waist bringing her even closer to him.

Their lips moved slowly, both of them lost in the shared sensation, exploring one of the tastes after another. It all ended, however, when Y/n regained control, noticing the head of his cock brushing against her entrance almost as if teasing her.

Reason because she forced herself to pull Tom away from her before licking her lips, weighing up her various options, she wasn't going to go all through with one of her students, it wasn't even supposed to end up like this and yet there she was in a bath with the most talented student at Hogwarts trying to seduce her.

Tom moved closer just as her internal debate ended, it only took her hand to stop him and her gaze followed by a teacher's tone to make him obey "get out of the water, sit on the edge of the pool...this is to stay between us, it won't happen again and I don't want to talk about it ever again, do you understand?" she asked after a few seconds the last question before admiring how Tom's body, shifted and emerged from the water to position itself like she had asked.

And there he was, Tom Marvolo Riddle, in all his glory and nakedness, his legs spread for her and an intense gaze focused solely on her. The young professor had listened to several conversations of the horny schoolgirls going after Tom but had not at all expected what she had in front of her now.

That didn't frighten her though, they had already reached a moment of no return and her hands instinctively moved to the young man's muscular, hairy thighs; they traveled a slow, teasing pace that made all the remaining blood go right down into his now rock hard cock.

The wizard admired closely as Y/n's hands moved over his length, pumping him a couple of times using the water as lubricant before she moved her face closer and left little licks on the tip.

Their eyes met and her mouth continued to work on him, exactly as her hands did, causing small moans followed by hisses that came out of Tom's perfect lips.

His dark eyes had not yet moved away from her just as Y/e/c's were still focused on him, it was intense.

Her tongue came out of her mouth to lick the entire length a couple of times and then take him completely in her mouth, deep throating him without him expecting it.

Her cheeks hollowed as she sucked, Tom's thighs shaked slightly under her hands as sinful grunts escaped his lips; his hips began to move without even meaning to, his tingling hand lusting for dominance gripped her wet hair in a tight grip so that he could choose his movements.

His hips moved swiftly as he fucked her mouth mercilessly focused on achieving his first peak of pleasure, it was a almost suffocation feeling, Tom needed more, much more, but he had almost reached his peak.

The wizard only released his hold when he came, now leaving Y/n free to move as she wanted, despite this the young witch focused her attention till the end on his tip, sucking gently as her hands massaged his balls almost as if she was milking him.

As soon as she realized she had taken every last drop, Y/n slowly pulled away, swallowing it all while looking into Tom's eyes.

The young professor had to avoid him in order to reach the entrance to the prefects' door without falling for another attempt at seduction by the student.

The two looked at each other in silence, Tom wanted to say something but Y/n silenced him with one last kiss, followed by an elegant movement of her wand and three words "this stays here".

As soon as she finished speaking she walked out of the bathroom leaving Tom standing there all alone, looking at the door, his body now dry and his uniform back, it was as if nothing had happened, as if everything had only been in his head but the lipstick marks proved something else.

In fact they only confirmed the wonderful and unexpected sensations he had felt in those few minutes he had been with her, he knew that she had sensed that it was the first time he had done this kind of activity but he also knew that she wanted more, he wanted more, there was something more and Tom was going to take it at all costs.

Things had not begun and ended that night in the prefects' bathroom at Hogwarts, the wizard would make sure of that and he would not put an end to what he had managed to get…what he had been craving for some time and now knew he could have.

Taglist:

@gabile18 , @mrsfullbuster500 , @rex-ray , @elizamalfoyy, @eovjjj , @monkeyking-and-liuer-mate , @jeremiah-va1eska , @gothamchic16, @rabbiteggz , @dieg0brandos-wife , @rottenecstasy , @lazyexcuse , @teh-vampire-bunny , @lobotomy-lover , @slasher-smasher , @sleepycreativewriter , @huntress-valkyrie , @lostmyremembrall, @pastelpiisces

[lover-of-mine]

it’s so interesting that with previous love interests, it was normal and fine to not ship them and to still want buddie in the future, but now, we have to sit down and shut up and accept that it’s never happening and B/T are forever

oh no wait, it’s not interesting, it’s annoying and confusing and frankly just weird. misogynistic and borderline fetishistic

shipping non-canon couples, especially ones with 6 years of history and love and shared experiences, is the norm in literally every fandom, but now suddenly it’s wrong and how dare we

a fair few of the people saying this are also, conveniently, the ones implying that B’s bisexuality is tied to T and T alone and if we don’t ship them, we don’t support bi!B

how. very. interesting! /annoying/confusing/weird

So interesting. Dude, I got called homophobic because I didn't immediately look at them in 703 and decided they were true love. In 703. Because I didn't look at the shoulder touch and immediately started shipping them. Homophobic with all the letters. I got yelled at. After 703. Legit almost deleted this whole blog over some of the things that got sent. I was legitimately crying with friends who are not in the fandom if I was being unreasonable or insane or whatever else I got called for not jumping in instantly and to ask if I was actually doing something wrong. People were saying we were being weird about queer storylines. That we needed to shut the fuck up and enjoy the way Oliver Stark was gonna make out with a hot guy. That not being on board the ship meant that we had an unreasonable and ridiculous necessity of making sure Eddie was the only guy for Buck. Literally every single person in this fandom hc Buck 1.0 also hooked up with guys. Most people never acted as if Buck needs to be guided through his queerness by this hot older guy. Oh, wait, no, they did. With T. People automatically decided that Buck needed a queer Yoda. That he needed someone to hold his hand and be a guide. They added a fucked up power dynamic from the get go. With no information, Buck was already a baby that needed his hand held through his own sexuality. And let me tell you one thing, I know for a FACT that if it was Eddie, the automatic reaction wouldn't be putting T in this idealized experienced gay guide position when that would've made more sense (not that I think any of them needs a guide) because Eddie is the one with the body count you can count with one hand and a weird relationship with sex. But somehow I'm the one who's weird about Buck's sexuality. I don't want Buck to explore. I need Buck to only have loved Eddie. Sure. Look, I don't wanna multiship. The same way everyone is allowed to ship whatever the fuck they want, I'm allowed to not ship whatever the fuck I want. If it was a woman no one would've been in my inbox basically demanding I make the same level of analysis I make for buddie for them (let me tell you one thing too, if I made the level of analysis I do with buddie with bt, no one would like what I have to say ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯) but I'm still getting asked for it for some reason when I never indicated I ship the two.

But I'm not allowed to have any critical thoughts about anything involving bt or else I'm being weird and that's the mild term that's being used. I can't point out the fact that T left Buck in a curb and failed to communicate shit properly even though it happened in canon. I can't say that I think it felt kinda callous for him to say "they had henleys in the 80s" to Buck being upset T didn't dress on theme (also, the job requires them to change into a uniform by nature, he could've put a colorful shirt and indulged Buck a little bit there without it interfering with the way he was on standby but I can't say that or else I'm a hater). There is no criticism allowed in the ship but somehow I'm the one being weird. I don't think Buck should be in a relationship. I think Buck is still exhibiting the same patterns when it comes to love interests. And yes, I would feel the same way if it was Eddie. Buck doesn't know how to be happy alone and he will never be happy in a relationship until he learns that. I was saying that when it was Natalia and getting praised for my understanding of Buck's character. Now I'm locking Buck onto Eddie. Buck's bisexuality is only valid if he's actively kissing a guy for some people but I'm the one being weird. BT have so many visual parallels to bucktaylor, but if I say that's a bad sign I'm being a hater. I need to sit my ass down, ignore six seasons of buildup, accept that it's over, and that now making Eddie queer and getting buddie together would suck because it would destroy the friendship they built so bt are endgame and gonna get married and somehow I'm the one who's being weird about queer relationships and attaching Buck bisexuality to a person. The fandom lost its fucking mind when they saw Oliver kiss a guy and, yeah, it does feel misogynistic and borderline fetishizing. But somehow I'm the one getting blocked by half the fandom when I'm not even pointing everything I want out. I lose at least one mutual every time I even suggest maybe we should look at things a bit more critically. I have to sit here and justify things to an insane degree while people's reaction to any of the criticism is "uH BuT T Is hOt aNd hE Is a gUy sO It iS DiFfErEnT oKaY?" Critical thinking skills went out the window because now there's a guy involved and that's fucking weird. People are straight up erasing Eddie, the actual main character of the show, Buck's established partner of years, Buck's best friend, the only person in canon who never left Buck in any capacity, because some guy kissed Buck and, he, uh *check notes* treats Buck as an actual human being? so that means he's perfect. It's nuts. The bar is hell.

Yes, I know this is not everyone in the fandom and I know this is not everyone who ships them but if what I'm saying feels like a personal attack to you maybe you should do some thinking. Anyone can ship anything, you want to ship them go off, power to you, the weird part here is the way some people are demanding other people ship it too. We could all be coexisting if people didn't get weirdly comfortable demanding shit from other people in the fandom and deciding their opinion is the only one that matters so they need to call out anyone who thinks differently, but alas, that's too much to ask.

[mangoshorthand]

Inspired by this post. When your daughter is eight years old, Five organises a family trip to County Clare, Ireland. His reasons why are completely transparent.

The Changeling | Five Hargreeves/Reader, Five Hargreeves & 8 y/o daughter Words: 7.7k

GIF by: @seance

It was Aoife’s first flight, and it was only through Five’s gentle persuading that you were convinced that it would be safe. At eight, he said, she was more than old enough to listen and control herself.

Still, just before you boarded, you knelt down in front of her and took her by the elbows. 

“Aoife, listen to me, honey.”

She blinked at you with Five’s eyes. She looked the picture of innocence, and if you didn’t know better, you might have been taken in.

“You cannot blink on this flight. You can’t blink on this trip at all unless it’s just me and Daddy in the room, but you especially can’t blink on the plane, okay?”

“Okay Mommy,” she said, sulkily.

“Seriously,” you said, giving her a gentle shake, “If you misjudge it by just a tiny amount, you could end up outside the plane. You could fall and die.”

Aoife looked up at Five for backup but didn’t find it. He put a hand on her shoulder with a stern look that was uncharacteristic when aimed at her.

“Your mother’s right, cara. This is life and death. And even if you try it and don’t die, we’re going to go straight back home again as soon as we land. There will be no trip at all. You hear me?”

“I didn’t even do anything yet!” she said, indignantly.

“Yes, and I’m sure you won’t because you’re my good, sensible girl,” you said, hoping she’d live up to the label. 

“I’m just making sure you understand what’s at stake here, kid.” Five said, “ Non sto scherzando . Now, repeat it back: tell me what’s gonna happen if you blink.”

“I’ll die,” she said, with petulant impatience.

“And if you blink but don’t die?”

“No trip,” she repeated.

“Correct,” Five said, “we won’t even leave the airport. We’ll turn right around and get on the next flight home.”

“I know you’ll be a good girl,” you said, kissing her on the nose, “you always are, aren’t you?”

You kissed once, twice and three times until her pout was replaced with a smile. 

As it happened, once the initial excitement of being airborne had worn off, Aoife fell asleep almost immediately, the early morning catching up with her. She was leaning against you, chest rising and falling slowly, and would remain so for all but the last hour of the flight. 

Five was also quiet, staring out of the window at clouds in the odd light of changing time zones. 

Ever since suggesting the trip, he’d been a closed book. He was still himself - still loving, and still every inch the husband and father you knew -  but he was more insular, more like he was before you got married; keeping the internal workings of his mind under wraps. 

With Aoife against you, you couldn’t reach out to offer him any physical affection, so instead, you spoke to him over her head.

“You okay, sweet guy?”

He looked over at you and plastered on a smile that didn’t hide his impatience with the question.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

You pulled a face at him, one that told him you weren’t an idiot. He didn’t exactly need to tell you for you to guess what this trip was really about. 

Five couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed by your knowing look. It was galling to know he no longer held any mysteries for you. He leaned his head against the plane’s wall and closed his eyes. 

It wasn’t that he was shutting you out, it was more from a strong sense that this was something he had to do alone. 

It came up in therapy a couple of times. Maybe it was his age, or maybe it was being a father, but he found himself coming back to this idea of history. Aoife’s family tree on his side was more of a hedge: extremely wide but only one generation tall. He wanted to give her an anchoring in this world beyond a strange experiment by a billionaire that resulted in her mentally unstable father.

On his mentioning these feelings, Dr Daley asked him whether it was possible he was projecting, but Five dismissed this.

To him, being Irish by birth didn’t mean much. It might explain his liking for Guinness, but that was about it. And who didn’t like Guinness? 

No. If he’d grown up in Ireland, he’d be a completely different person, as alien to him now as anyone else. For better or worse, Five was the sum total of his experiences. If Reginald was his father along with the harsh life he’d offered, then the apocalypse and all its horrors may as well be his mother. 

The woman who’d birthed him sold him for a couple of grand. He couldn’t imagine it as he glimpsed Aoife out of the corner of his eye. The first time he held his newborn daughter was transformative. He’d felt his entire world crash down and reform around her. He knew she was his on an animal level that left reason entirely behind. His very skin cried out for her.

And yet…childbirth was a bloody, agonizing mess. He’d watched you go through it, and it wasn’t exactly trauma free, even after months of mental preparation.The idea of it happening, all in the space of a few minutes, to women who had no mental preparation was nothing short of horrifying. Now he thought about it, it was amazing that so many of the other October 1st children seemed to have been kept.

But still, when he looked at Aoife, he couldn’t help but wonder. 

He looked up again, and caught your too-understanding eyes. This time, he smiled at you,  irritation giving way to affection. Over ten years you’d grown to know him better than he knew himself. You’d been there for every step as he tried to rebuild his mental health, every tough therapy session, every new drug, and every addition to his laundry list of diagnoses.

You’d known what this was about as soon as he mentioned the trip.

“Can you get the week commencing the 12th October off work?” he’d said, over his cereal one morning, around six months ago.

“I think so,” you said, surprised, “why?”

“We’re going to Ireland.”

“What?” you said, and then, “What about school?”

“They’ll be fine. Call it an educational trip,” he said, “We’ll have Aoife do a project or something.”

“What brought this on?” 

He shrugged, and the way he looked down at a newspaper on the table gave you the distinct impression he was trying to avoid your eye.

“I’ve booked seven nights in County Clare, staying in this huge castle. Dates back to the 17th Century. Aoife’s gonna lose her mind.”

You studied him for a few moments as he sipped his coffee, eyes stock-still on the newspaper, not really reading it.

“Weren’t you born in County Clare?” you asked, gently.

“Mmhm,” he replied, blandly, turning a page.

You waited, and when he didn’t elaborate, you just stuck out a hand and laid it on his forearm. *** When you arrived at Shannon airport, it was raining. It rained like a veil of mist, pin-pricking your faces in a moist cloud of chill wind. It was mid morning, though the foggy skies made it indistinguishable from any other time of day. It made Five glad of his coat, and he paused outside the terminal to zip it to his chin. 

Aoife rubbed her eyes and looked around at the gray, concrete parking lot

“Where are we going?” she asked, in sleepy confusion.

“Not far,” you said, squeezing her hand as Five wheeled your luggage.

The rented Skoda estate was comfortable enough, although not what Five would prefer to be driving. Still, it did the job. As you helped Aoife strap into a booster seat, he had to concede that, on unfamiliar roads, it was more important that style give way to safety.

The thought made him smile to himself as he loaded the luggage into its roomy, sensible trunk. Sometimes it still seemed odd to find himself having such daddish thoughts. It was odd, but good too. 

The environs of the airport faded into the misty rain behind you, and you very soon found yourselves in country that more naturally sprang to mind when you imagined Ireland. 

The landscape was mostly flat and green, damp fields stretching out to the horizon on every side. Short but lush trees and hedges lined the dual carriageway, occasionally leading to taller trees and more advanced woodland, but it mostly served to insulate the surrounding farmland from the road. 

“Do you think there are fairies in those woods?” you asked Five, conversationally, eyeing Aoife out of the corner of your eye. 

“Hm,” Five said, playing along, “It’s possible.”

“Fairies?” Aoife said, her interest piqued as you intended. 

“That’s right,” he said, “there are lots of stories of fairies in Ireland.”

“Will we see some?”

“Probably not,” you smiled, “but it’s fun to pretend.”

As you got deeper into the countryside, stone walls ran along the roadside. Every few miles or so, the fields gave way to the occasional, squat house; all rendered in white with gray slate roofs. They were small, asymmetrical; clearly built for function over form. Once or twice a chimney smoked, bringing with it the smell of peat smoke on the air. 

As you traveled, the sun started to cut through the haze, although the rain didn’t let up, coming down in those same misty clouds. The trees began to thicken, until the land on one side of the road was completely obscured with woodland. At last, you came to a grand iron gate. 

“We’re here.” 

Aoife shuffled excitedly in the booster, trying to peek out from behind the passenger seat to see ahead.

You passed a gatehouse, and soon the thick trees gave way to a simple avenue, leading you up a drive surrounded by lush lawns, upon which small brown rabbits were dotted, those nearest the drive lolloping away from the skoda as it crunched along the gravel.

Aoife was predictably excited by these, and it took some stern words from you to stop her removing her seatbelt and blinking from the car to chase them.

But as you rounded a corner and Ballycarnane castle became visible across the small lake surrounding it on two sides, the rabbits were completely forgotten.

“Look!” she said, in high-pitched awe, “It’s a castle!”

“So it is,” Five said, as if only just noticing it.

It was huge, robust, and square in formation, built with solid gray stone with battlements topping sturdy towers on rising ground. Fountains, trimmed hedges and perfectly mower-lined lawns decorated its immediate environs. At the top of the tallest tower, an Irish flag flew. 

“Is there a princess in there?” Aoife asked, breathlessly, kicking the back of your seat in her glee. 

“Ci sarà presto, cara.” Five said, quietly, a smile playing about his face. 

“Are we staying near here? Can we go visit? Please?”

You looked at Five. He was loving this, you knew, as much as he tried to hide his self-satisfied smile. He gave you the nod to deliver the final bombshell. He was always sweet that way: his daughter’s glee was all the reward he needed. He didn’t need to take the credit too.

“We’re staying right here.” you said. 

“IN THE CASTLE?”

“That’s right,” you chuckled.

Aoife exploded, letting out a series of shrill shrieks that made both you and her father wince.

“Ouch,” you said, at the redoubled kicks to the back of your seat. 

“ WE’RE STAYING IN A CASTLE!”

“Esatto, principessa,” Five replied, pulling into one of the parking spots, “and it’s a very fancy place, so best behavior, okay? You gotta act just like a real princess.”

“CAN I WEAR A PRINCESS DRESS?”

“We’ll see,” you said, “now calm down , sweetie.” *** The next couple of days passed in a blur of sight-seeing, fairy-hunting and princess games. You and Five made excellent ladies in waiting, or else the king and queen, knights, or whatever else Aoife decreed.

Always unable to resist giving his daughter anything she asked for, Five bought not one, but two princess dresses from the ridiculously overpriced boutique attached to the hotel. He also returned with a beautiful, pure silk dressing gown for you, although you suspected this was partly to buy you off after spoiling Aoife.

It was mid-afternoon on Wednesday, you and Five stood on the lawn watching as Aoife tripped over her grass-stained skirts as she climbed a tree stump just for the joy of jumping off. 

“I think I’m going to walk into town,” he said, casually.

You looked at him. 

“Into town?”

“Yes.”

He caught your eye, and his expression was unreadable enough to be perfectly legible to you.

He stood a little apart from you, hands in the pockets of his corduroy trousers. He looked unlike himself, standing there in sturdy walking boots and a thick, oversized cable knit sweater over a flannel shirt. His hair played around his face in the slight breeze, masking and then revealing his face. 

He looked into your eyes, and you saw the grim determination there.

“Do you want us to come with you?” you asked.

“No,” he said, calmly, “you enjoy yourselves here. I’ll be back before sundown.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, approaching him and putting a hand on his upper arm.

“Yes darling,” he said, calmly. 

You understood. Five’s tendency to try and face things alone was a habit born of the apocalypse. He was insular; self reliant to an unhealthy degree, but you suspected that this wasn’t like this. 

This was no impending apocalypse, this was something intensely personal. Processing it himself was no bad thing. This was about him, and part of you knew that he was only standing here at all because he had the security of knowing you’d be there, whenever he was ready to let you in; be it tonight, tomorrow, or months from now. 

“Okay,” you said with a reassuring smile. *** It was a four mile walk from the castle itself into Ballycarnane. He walked almost as the crow flew, across fields; down farm lanes and public footpaths; through wooden gates that creaked with age. The rain spat occasionally, and even the hood of his coat couldn’t keep it from blowing into his eyes. 

As he walked, he couldn’t let his mind drift: it was caught in the features of the landscape, keeping him present in every step. He was struck by the wilderness of it all, even as its habitation was constantly declared by the presence of tarmac and the occasional lonely dwelling.

He tramped over damp gorse and heather, taking detours whenever the ground became too marshy to walk on. His walking boots were good quality and supportive, but that didn’t mean he needed to brave the outskirts of a bog when he could retreat to serpentine, single track roads. 

He’d thought the land was relatively flat when he arrived yesterday, but no sooner had the marshy areas fallen behind him as he walked into rugged, rocky countryside, dotted with pine woods.

This might have been his home, he mused. He might have been familiar with this environment, these roads and the ever-present stone walls, as sturdy as they appeared ramshackle. How might he have spent his childhood? This rain on his face, these clouds above him. Green as far as the eye could see. 

Gradually, more and more signs of habitation sprung up around him: the roads became fractionally wider, the houses more varied and frequent as he approached the outskirts of the town. Now he was on streets, the hedges neatly kept, and there were road markings too, single tracks leading onto dual carriageways. 

At last, he passed a sign welcoming him to the town proper, and he began to pass others bustling around him, speed humps, housing estates, white vans and churches. A woman with a stroller thanked him quietly as he stood aside off the sidewalk to let her pass.

He passed a convenience store, an undertakers, a shop selling fancy cheese and wine, and then he saw it: across from a pub was a butcher’s shop. 

Though many of the shops and houses on Ballycarnane’s main street were painted in bright colors, and many other buildings were of the dull concrete variety he’d grown used to back home, the default building style in this area seemed to be those single story, white rendered buildings with those gray roof tiles. His mother’s butcher’s shop was one of these, with a large window displaying wares. 

Below the building’s blue gables, a mural on the outside of the building depicted a cow, sheep and pig. To Five’s mind, they looked inappropriately happy to be depicted, given the context. Above them, in hand-painted italics read: ‘ Jones Family Butchers’, beneath them, ‘ Est.1979’.

He knew her name was Efa Jones, but seeing the name was odd. He was here. *** “Okay, princess Aofie,” you called, as Five’s figure retreated down the gravel drive, “we’re going to get started on your school project.”

“But Mooommy,” she said, gesturing to the tree stump as if there were depths to its joys she had as yet not discovered. 

“What if we did it about the fairies of Ballycarnane?”

Aoife still looked skeptical.

“You remember John from this morning?”

Aoife nodded. She had exchanged a hearty conversation about the rabbits and deer that roamed the grounds with the old man working as the hotel’s senior concierge.

“Well, he told me there’s a fairy fort nearby. You want to go?”

“Yeah!” she said, enthusiastically, jumping from the tree stump one final time, bounding towards you taking your hand. 

“And,” you continued, setting off, “he said once we’d been to go and find him, and he'd tell us a story all about it. If you write his story down and draw some pictures, that can be your project to show Mx Leyton.”

*** Five finished his third Guinness. 

He’d been nursing the beers for over two hours, looking out of grimy windows into the butcher’s shop across the way. He could see movement within, but no detail. Only two or three customers had been in and out in all the time he watched. 

The pub was a spit and sawdust kind of place. The Weaver’s Inn had a cheap paneling on the walls, mismatched dark wood chairs and a carpet that looked like it hadn’t been changed since before the butcher’s shop was established. 

On a Wednesday daytime in October, there had been only one other patron when he arrived, an old man who looked at him with slight suspicion as he entered, but now, as five o’clock drew nearer, people began to trickle in, and there were over five tables occupied. 

He looked into the bottom of his glass. It was now or never.

He recognised her from the newspaper clipping he found as soon as he walked into the store. She must have been pushing seventy, only five or six years younger than himself. 

Her back was bent into a painful curve over her butcher’s block, though she scrubbed at the salted wood with her metal-bristled brush with more than enough vigor. As his entrance caused a bell above the door to give a little trill, she looked up. 

Her wrinkled face was dominated by a pair of thick-rimmed glasses, white hair scraped back beneath a hairnet. Her brown eyes were slightly misty with the beginnings of cataracts.

“It’s just the pre-cut now,” she said, nodding towards the block, “you’ve left it late.”

“No problem,” Five said, watching her lay down her brush with the air of one not keen to be interrupted. 

He approached the counter slowly, forcing himself to look down through the glass at the meat on display. 

“What’ll you have?”

She exuded a stern, no nonsense attitude. Customer service might be in her job, but not in her nature, it seemed. 

“Uh,” Five said, uncharacteristically unsure, “steak,” he said, suddenly.

“What type and how much” she prompted, approaching the counter. 

“Uh-” he said again.

“Tourist, are you?” she said, shrewdly.

All the Irish accents he’d heard until now were lilting, but hers lilted differently. 

“Is it that obvious?” Five smiled, looking back down at the counter.

“American?” she asked, as if it were an accusation. 

“Yup.”

“Staying at the castle, I’ll bet.”

“Correct.”

“Sure. You’ve got that silver-spoon look about you.”

Five let out something halfway between a chuckle and a scoff.

“Well, you might say I landed on my feet.”

“You telling me they let you cook steak in those fancy bedrooms?” she asked, skeptically.

Five shifted uncomfortably. She was inconveniently shrewd. 

He guessed he knew where he got it from. 

“We’re self-catering,” he lied, and then, as it came into his thoughts, “I’d say you’re not local yourself, Efa.”

“How d’you know my name?” she asked, suspiciously. 

Shit.

“The bartender at the Weavers Inn,” he said, with a tight smile - she had him on his toes in the way few people could manage - “I told him I wanted a good steak and he said you were the lady to talk to.”

She rolled her eyes. 

“That’s as nice as Liam Moore’s been about me in thirty years,” she muttered “So my beef’s good enough for out-of-towners but not good enough supply his dive of a pub?”

 But then, in answer to his question:

“You’ve got a good ear. I was born in Caerphilly.”

“Wales?” he asked, unable to hide his surprise.

“Wales indeed,” she said briskly, “Now, I’ve got a nice rib-eye, fillet’s only thirty-five euro per kilogram today, and this sirloin’s nicely marbled. What will you have?”

Five didn’t process this, “You’re Welsh?”

“Half.” she said, slightly perturbed, “Mam was Irish, Dad was Welsh. We came here when I was ten.”

It all clicked into place. 

“Efa’s a Welsh name,” he said, coming to the conclusion out loud, “That’s why you’re not Aoife.”

“That’s true,” she said, “I was named for my father’s mother.”

She watched him curiously as he cast his eyes back down to the counter. 

“My daughter’s name is Aoife.” he said, in an attempt at off-handedness.

There was silence then, and Five lowered his eyes. 

“And what’s your name?” she asked.

He swallowed. ***

You warmed yourself in an armchair by the fire, while Aoife’s cheeks were still pinched red from the cold outside. 

John sat beside her on one of the couches in the hotel foyer, flanked by two suits of armor.  He was smart in his gray waistcoat, a gold name badge catching the light at his lapel. His white shirtsleeves were immaculate, his thin, white hair combed over his bald head. His bright blue eyes seemed permanently crinkled into a smile.

“Before we begin, I wonder if I can arrange a hot drink for you both? Will you have a cup of tea, coffee? Hot chocolate for the little one?”

“Can I have marshmallows?” Aoife asked you eagerly.

“She has to have marshmallows, Mammy,” said John, twinkling at you.

“Of course,” you said, “And I’d love a coffee, thanks.”

“A baileys coffee?”

“I shouldn’t,” you said, though very willing to be persuaded.

“You’re on your holidays,” John said, waving aside your diffidence. He caught the eye of one of the junior concierges, motioned him over and made the order.

“Now,” he said, resettling himself, “this is rather a recent fairy story,” John said, “One my mother said happened when I was only a lad, going on for fifty years ago, I’d say.”

You looked at Aoife. Predictably, she looked astonished. To her, fifty years previously may as well be prehistory.

“This story’s not for the faint of heart,” John continued, “Can you handle a spooky story, little one?”

Aoife nodded, wide eyed, her pen poised ready to take notes over a freshly bought notebook. You looked quickly over at him with a small, doubtful grimace. 

He smiled and nodded back at you, taking the hint. 

“Just be assured that this is only a story, now,” he said to her, “It’s not real, it’s just something to tell one another for a bit of fun, alright? I was sixteen when my Mam told me this, and she acted like it had only just happened. It was just to scare me out of walking home late at night. You understand?”

“Yeah,” she said, eager for him to begin.

“The fairies you might have heard about before are not like these fairies. Our fairies are not gentle or very kind. They don’t grant wishes and they’re not to be tangled with.”

Slowly, Aoife wrote down a note in her large, uneven cursive. 

“Fairy forts like the one you visited today are supposed to be where creatures from the fairy realm gather. Did you see any there today?”

Aoife shook her head.

“I thought not,” he said, “they’re supposed to gather at night. And that’s when the story starts. Mam said there was an old man walking home to Ballycarnane and he walked too close to that fairy fort.”

John paused as Aoife laboriously copied down what she’d heard, watching her write and offering the odd prompt to aid her memory. The drinks arrived in this interval, and you sipped your coffee gratefully as you watched them.

“Now this fella wasn’t local, you see,” John continued, “he lived nearby but he wasn’t born around here, so he didn’t know you needed to give them a wide berth. And then the poor fool was confronted by a banshee, wailing.”

“What’s a bant-shee?” Aoife asked.

“A banshee ,” he said, “a terrible fairy. Always a bad omen. They look like women with long hair, and they appear to people, screaming and crying. The story goes that if you see or hear a banshee, it means someone you love’s going to die.”

Aoife scribbled this down, mouth hanging open slightly.

“Remember it’s not real though,” he added, reassuringly, adding a little cold milk to cool her hot chocolate for her, “that’s just what they say.”

“What did the man do?” Aoife asked, too transfixed to take the drink from him when he offered.

“Well, he knew what a banshee was, alright, and he knew what it meant. So he tried to beg her not to take his wife or daughter, only it was too late. The banshee wailed, ‘oh no, you’ve disturbed us, so now you’ll pay the price: either you choose a death, or you’ll give the fairies a newborn child of your blood before the sun goes down tomorrow’. ”

He paused to allow Aoife to write down this last, and then pushed her drink towards her. 

“Drink up, pet.”

Aoife took the hot chocolate from him and took a gulp, leaving foamy residue around her mouth, still watching John with wonder in her eyes. The cup wobbled in its saucer, and you leaned forward to help her put it back on the coffee table, lest her princess dress get covered in even more dirt. 

“Then what happened?” she asked.

“Well, this old man and his wife were too old to have any more children, and their only daughter was grown, and she certainly wasn’t going to have a newborn baby so soon, so he thought he had a chance of beating that banshee.”

You could tell even from several feet away that Aoife’s writing was becoming more and more illegible in her haste to hear the rest of the story. You sensed that some translation and aiding of her memory might come in useful when she came to write up the project.

“So the old man agreed. He said, ‘you can have a newborn of my blood before the sun sets tomorrow,’ thinking he could cheat the fairies out of their due. And what do you think happened next?”

Aoife shook her head, unknowing.

“Well, that man fell into an enchanted sleep, and woke up by the fairy fort at mid-afternoon the next day. No sooner than he woke up did he hurry home to check on his wife and daughter.”

Aoife wasn’t even writing notes anymore, hanging on John’s every word.

“And he found a terrible scene.” John said, ruefully, “While he slept, his daughter had given birth to a changeling, though she certainly hadn’t been pregnant the day before.”

You sat up. 

“What’s a changeling?” Aofie asked. 

“A baby the fairies leave when they steal a human one. They’re supposed to be cursed children, sometimes they’re evil and naughty, and sometimes they have strange powers.”

You leaned forward and opened your mouth to speak, but John spoke before you could ask him anything. 

“And then, the old man realized what he’d done: when there was no newborn to take, the fairies took away his daughter’s future firstborn instead, forcing her to birth the changeling in its place.”

“What happened?” you asked. 

John looked over at you, surprised by the sudden seriousness in your tone.

“Well, the old man and his wife died without any grandchildren. Their daughter never married, and their line died out.”

“What happened to the changeling?” you asked. 

“Nobody knows,” John said, returning his gaze to Aoife with a smile and mysterious tone. ***

“I’m Five.”

There was a long silence. He chewed his lips as he looked down at the meat, not willing or able to meet her eyes.

At last, just to say something that might break the tension, he motioned to a pile of beef.

“That brisket looks good.”

She didn’t answer immediately, but when she did, her no-nonsense voice was firmly back in place.

“It’s the best in the county,” she said briskly, “you can’t beat Irish beef and won’t find a nicer cut, especially when it’s slow cooked.”

“Sounds good,” he said, awkwardly.

“Will you have a piece of that instead of steak?” 

“Sure,” Five said, relieved to have the decision made for him.

“To serve how many?” 

“Just three,” he said, watching her hands as they reached into the display of meat. 

They were just like his. The same long, bony fingers. The same bones and tendons standing out on the back of her hands as her fingers flexed. 

“This piece will do you,” she said, decisively.

Five risked a look up at her, and her brown eyes met his green. 

He must have got his eyes from one of his grandparents, he thought, and then Efa looked away from him quickly. 

“I have a secret recipe for brisket” she said, as she took the beef to the scale and weighed it, “Falls apart in the mouth. It was my mother’s, and I only got it out of her on her deathbed, she prized it so much.”

Five couldn’t resist this opening. He had to know:

“Will you pass it down to your kids?”

She paused for a mere fraction of a second and then she turned to ready brown paper in which to wrap the meat.

“I don’t have children,” she said, firmly, her back still to him, “I was never the marrying or the mothering type.”

As she folded the first layer around the brisket, Five blinked rather rapidly. There was a tight fist somewhere in his abdomen. 

When he mastered himself, he spoke again.

“I understand.”

She nodded, still facing away from him, wrapping the brisket carefully in brown paper, still facing away from him at a plastic table.

“Still,” she said, quietly, “it seems a crying shame that nobody should taste my Mam’s brisket after I’m gone.“

She stuck a label to the wrapped beef, holding the paper in place. Then, from behind her ear, she pulled a stubby pencil, knife-sharpened into a rough, angular shape. 

She tore another small portion of brown paper and began to write with the sort of fevered energy Five himself used to write equations on the concrete walls of the Argyle public library. 

“Now, this is to serve six or so, but you can scale as you like.”

Her pencil clicked smartly along the paper.

“You start with a rub. Dark brown sugar, onion powder, mustard powder, garlic powder, cayenne pepper and salt. Mam would usually leave it there, but I’ve had success with paprika too.”

She looked up at him, pausing in her writing, eyebrows raised imperiously.

“Only you make sure it’s smoked paprika, alright?”

“Of course,” he said, slightly taken aback at her forcefulness. 

“Good,” she said, “And the key is to leave it coated in the rub for at least twelve hours in the fridge. Then, when you cook, a lot of recipes would have you use beef stock, but for my Mam’s recipe, it’s beer or nothing: a nice ale. None of that crap excuse for lager you lot try to pass off as beer.”

“Got it,” Five said, catching her flow, “No American beer. Would Guinness work?”

Efa pulled a face.

“You can try it, I suppose,”

She fell silent as she jotted down the final instructions. 

Five watched her as she worked, jaw set, and eyes intense. She finished the recipe with a flourish, folded the paper and handed it to him smartly across the counter. 

“Thank you,” he said.

“And that’ll be thirteen euro forty-five.”

He reached into his pants pocket and handed her the money as she placed the parcel of meat in a paper bag and handed it over. As she searched in the cash register for the change, he watched her lined face, the rim of her glasses obscuring her eyes.

When she put the coins in his hands, her cold fingers brushed his.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Thank you,” he repeated.

He looked at her, trying to do…he knew not what. He only knew that if he was going to drink her in, now was his opportunity to do so.

“Goodbye,” he said and, with it, there was finality. He wouldn’t come back here. This was the first and last time he’d see her. 

His mother.

“Goodbye Five,” she replied, and her lips twitched into the first smile she’d given him. 

It was small, sad, and spoke no love, but it spoke good will just as clearly.  *** Five arrived back at the hotel just before seven. You were sitting on the four poster bed in your new robe, reading a book. Aoife was already asleep in the suite’s adjoining room, the hangings of her own bed drawn around it. 

“Hi,” you said, as he entered. 

“Hey,” he replied, as he closed the door behind him. 

His boots were muddy, his hair damp and windswept. 

“I hope you don’t mind, I already got Aoife dinner. She’s tuckered out. Long day.”

“Me too,” he said, heavily. 

He turned back to the door and the coat hook on its back. He made as if to take off his coat and hang it with the rest. But instead, he sagged and leaned against the door, his forehead against Aoife’s coat.

You sighed sadly, placed down your book and crossed the room towards him. 

“Come here, sweet guy,” you murmured.

You wrapped your arms around him from behind and laid your head against his, occasionally planting kisses at his hairline. Five let out a sigh of his own at this, and you felt him relax into you slightly.

“How about I run you a bath? I’ll order us room service and a bottle of wine.”

“That sounds nice,” Five said, voice muffled against Aoife’s bright blue raincoat.

You helped him off with his own coat - oddly heavy, you noticed - and put down on the bed. 

“I’ll go run the bath. You get those clothes off okay?”

“Thanks dearest.”

When you returned from the bathroom, where a piping hot bubble bath was already running into the claw-foot tub, Five had stripped to his underwear, sorting his laundry.

“Will you order the pinot noir?” he asked.

“Still don’t trust me to choose wine?” you asked, amused, returning to his coat, “not even after ten years?”

“Never,” he said, smiling.

“Why do you have almost two pounds of meat in your pocket?” you asked, having fished out the brown paper bag emblazoned with: Jones Family Butchers, Est.1979.

“Long fucking story,” he mumbled, “just put it in the trash. I don’t know why I bought it.”

“And what’s this?” you asked, finding the piece of folded paper.

“Nothing,” he said, simply, removing his underwear and putting them in with the dirty clothes, “can you just put it with our passports?.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

And with that, he disappeared into the bathroom. 

Ignoring his request to put in the trash, you put the meat in the fridge that contained the extortionately-priced minibar, thinking you’d deal with it in the morning.

You opened the folded piece of paper as you went to hang his coat. At first, you thought the handwriting that recorded the recipe was his: there were the same bold lines, the same frenetic energy in the triple underlining of the word ‘smoked’ in ‘smoked paprika’, but the more you looked, the more differences you saw. This wasn’t his handwriting.

You refolded it, opened the room’s safe and filed it along with your passports and boarding passes. *** The helpful voice on the other end of the phone informed you that dinner itself would arrive in around forty minutes, while the wine would be sent straight up. Just enough time for you to place Five’s pajamas on a radiator to warm before a knock at the door announced its arrival.

Bottle and glasses in hand, you joined Five in the bathroom, settling on the low bench beside the shower, fogged up with the heat coming off the bathwater.

Five’s eyes were closed, lying with his head against the rim of the tub, breathing the steamy, fragranced air deeply.

“Wine,” you announced.

“Mm,” he said, contentedly. 

He opened his eyes, his submerged left hand surfacing to receive the large glass you’d poured him.

“Thanks beautiful,” he said, looking up at you, eyes lingering for a moment at the cleavage visible where your robe met at the chest. 

You raised an ironic brow. Clearly he wasn’t totally cut up over this. 

As he took his first sip, he let out a small moan.

“Good?” you asked, amused.

“Heavenly,” he muttered, closing his eyes again.

He might not be so distraught that he couldn’t appreciate a nice view of boob, but he still needed this. You scooched your bench closer so that you could run your fingers through his hair.

He hummed appreciatively as you petted him, and you sat that way for several minutes, watching him unwind and fall into gentle repose. 

Who could give him up? With that smooth skin, that dimple on his cheek, his parted lips, his keen eyes, framed by lashes as thick as his soft hair. 

Not you.

At last, when he had worked his way sufficiently down his glass, you topped him up and asked:

“So, how was it?”

“I’m not sure,” he said thoughtfully, “it turns out I’m a quarter Welsh.” *** The sun came out for the last couple of days of the trip. On your final full day there, you were taking a few hours in the hotel spa. Five, however, was to be found being chased around one of the lawns by his daughter, he laughing, she screeching in delight.

“Come back!” she said, in mock outrage, “you need to have YOUR SHOTS!”

He barked, back bent and arms out in front of him like forepaws.

“Never!” he yelled, deploying a perfectly executed commando roll to evade her. 

Unfortunately for him he commando-rolled straight into a large rhododendron bush.

“IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR SHOTS YOU WILL GET SICK AND DIE, YOU BAD DOG.” yelled Aoife, holding a small stick clasped in her fist like it was a knife she was about to go full-psycho with.  

“But I don’t want to!” Five whined, trying to disentangle himself as Aoife advanced upon him, “you’re a big meanie vet! Woof!”

“I’M A BIG NICE VET, ACTUALLY.” she said, as he wriggled away from her once more, “YOU’RE JUST A BIG BABY.”

“I’m a big baby who’s getting away!” Five grinned, looking back over his shoulder and sticking his tongue out at her as he darted away.

And then he tripped over a tree root and fell with a thud onto the soft grass. He flipped over, laughing, as Aoife approached. 

“A-ha!” she said, triumphantly, taking advantage of his compromised to jump on top of him, stick raised. 

“Oof!” he said, winded as she straddled his waist. He tried to grab her wrist, but it was too late: she managed to poke the stick into his upper arm.

“There.” she said, “Now what was all that fuss about, little dog?”

“Owwww,” Five cried, pouting and whining like the dog he was supposed to be. 

“Pull yourself together!” Aoife said, affecting a clipped, professional voice, “Or you won’t get a candy.”

“I'm a dog, I'm not allowed candy! I want a treat!” Five replied, indignantly. 

“WELL YOU HAVE TEN MORE SHOTS FIRST.”

“Surely this is unethical?” Five expostulated, his childish affect replaced by a more adult one as she held his arm down and ‘injected’ him (stabbed him repeatedly through his sweater).

“I am NOT un-effable.” 

“Unethical,” Five corrected, rarely able to stop himself from taking advantage of any teachable moment, “it means morally wrong.”

“What does morally mean?” she said, with a small roll of her eyes.

“Ouch. It means how you behave. If you’re morally wrong then it means you’re behaving wrongly.”

“Then you’re being unethable!” she said, triumphantly, “because if you don’t get your shots then you’ll make other doggies sick too.”

“But do the ends justify the means?” Five mused, grinning. 

“What?”

“Nothing. Thank you for my shots. I’m feeling much better, even if my immune system has eleven different attenuated pathogens to deal with.”

Daddy, you always talk funny,” she said, sounding equally amused and irritated with him. 

He put his arms around her and pulled her down onto his chest. 

“E’ vero, cara.”

He kissed where her hair parted at the crown of her head, feeling the deep damp of the soil beginning to soak into his sweater, but not caring at all.

“Usi sempre parole così grosse,” she replied, and he could hear you in her tone, the loving mockery in it. 

He held her to him tighter and kissed her again, harder this time.

“I love you,” he said, feelingly.

“I love you too,” she replied, smiling down at him, her chubby cheeks dimpling as she did.

He felt his chest heave as he looked at her, and when he spoke again, his voice wasn’t quite his own.

“Being your Dad is my favorite thing about myself. And it's my favourite thing to do.”

And it was. He’d saved the world for the love of his adopted family, but perhaps he’d fought so fiercely because some part of him longed for this. Being a father and husband felt intrinsically, cosmically right, and made more sense than any mathematical logic. 

Perhaps his daughter was always written there, deep in his DNA. He didn’t believe in fate, but still, some part of him knew he was supposed to be here, his daughter in his arms and days upon days of rain soaking from the earth, through his sweater and onto his skin. 

He rocked her slightly, there on the grass, one hand in her hair and the other at her back; his baby girl, no matter how much she grew. 

This was what he needed. You and her. You were both his reward and privilege to love.

Aoife considered his words, slightly taken aback by his sudden affection and not really understanding his intensity. After a moment, she spoke thoughtfully:

“Mine is my hair.”

“What?” he asked.

“My favorite thing about myself. I like it because it's curly but not too curly.”

Five laughed, and she laughed too as she was jostled by the movement of his stomach. She shuffled up his body, causing him to flinch away from a potential knee to the balls but, thankfully, she avoided that. 

Instead, she crawled so that her head was level with his, grabbed him by each ear, and kissed his face.  *** At dinner that last night, Aoife coloured the pictures she’d drawn for her project, tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she tried her best to color within the lines. The pencil crayons you chose for the job were tactical: unlikely to mark the pure white tablecloth. 

The waiter brought your drinks. As he did so, he caught your eye and nodded conspiratorially towards the door, where Five couldn’t see him. 

You looked over subtly. John stood in the doorway to the kitchen, motioning to you that the prepared surprise would be only two more minutes.  

“Can we see the menu?” Five asked. 

The waiter hesitated.

“I actually ordered for us all,” you said.

“Hm,” Five said, looking curiously up at you, “what are we having?”

“Thank you,” you said to the waiter, dismissing him for now. 

You turned back to Five, and he was watching you with curious eyes. You caught his significantly, and spoke to him now with lines under your words. 

“It seemed a shame to throw away that brisket you brought back the other day.”

He drew in a breath through his nose. You could tell he was unsure how to feel. You placed your hand over his.

“I copied the recipe too,” you said, softly, over the scratch scratch of Aoife’s pencil and the quiet chink of knives and forks on plates, “I thought you should try it before we go home.”

Five looked down at the tablecloth and put his other hand on top of yours. When he looked back up at you, his jaw gave a slight tremor.

“Thank you,” he said, quietly, “truly.”

You smiled, relieved.

“Are you happy?” you said, checking nevertheless.

Five gave one slow outward breath, and in those green eyes that low light sometimes disguised as blue, you saw an intensity of feeling that was hard to witness without bringing tears to your own eyes.

“I couldn’t be happier,” he said, so earnestly that Aoife looked up in surprise.

He wasn’t just talking about the brisket, you knew.

You smiled, losing the battle and swiping away a tear as you and Five squeezed each other's hands. 

“Good,” you said, sniffling, “because I tipped the kitchen way too much money to make this happen.”

Taglist: @nevbrooke-555, @fiannee, @abeeabee6969, @chalametabingbong, @lolawassad, @icantpickanamefromonefandom, @kaybreezy3000

Megalist

Request info + rules

NOTE:

I take Five requests, I'm fairly versatile in what I write (fluff, smut, angst, psychological character study- I'll try it all) but I will consider them on a case by case basis. See request info + rules for request status and more.

Disclaimer: As an English person, I was conscious of the potential for unintended xenophobia as I wrote this, especially given the fast and loose attitude I've given to folklore. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get any Irish sensitivity readers before posting this though. I have a lot of Irish family and have visited many times in my life, but I'm aware I have blind spots just by nature of being English. If any Irish folk want to discuss anything that made them uncomfortable, my DMs are open :)

[orange-orchard-system]

Small Annoyances as a Polyfragmented System

There are certain patterns and events that we see in our life (mainly in system spaces) that get under our skin as a polyfrag system that smaller systems don't seem to be able to relate to. In an attempt to spread information on what it's like to be a polyfrag system – because goodness knows it's hard to find that – we've created this list of those annoyances, along with examples and explanations of why we find them annoying. Although, this turned into a vent post by the end, so... you have been warned!

Disclaimer: this post mainly applies to our personal experiences. We're sure that other polyfrag systems (and probably other large systems) may be able to relate to some of the things here, but you don't have to relate to any or all of them to be a real polyfrag system.

Polyfragmented Annoyances:

Most system tips do not work with our system because they're based in having a small member count. Anything that starts with "Have every system member..." is a no-go, because it is impossible for us to include every system member in system activities. There's a bunch of people in dormancy, whole sidesystems that we've barely explored, and even counting only the members we know could potentially participate, that's still hundreds of people to go through. It's not gonna work out. "Every system member" is not an achievable goal.

Blurring and other identity confusion happens a lot more often than you'd think, since a lot of us are fragments or otherwise not "full" headmates. When you don't check all the boxes to be a fully independent system member and constantly need at least one other member around to get even basic stuff done, it can be easy to lose track of where the line between you and another system member is.

On that note, co-fronting is a necessity and people outside the system (whether system or singlet) don't seem to understand that very often. We need to have multiple people in front – our system is not designed to have only one person alone controlling the body and aware of what's going on. Whereas most other systems experience negative side effects if they have too many headmates fronting, we more often experience negative side effects if not enough headmates front, and that can create a lot of estrangement when the former is usually the only example of fronting arrangement issues you can find. In addition, people outside the system (mostly singlets, but some systems too) don't seem to understand the implications of "We usually/almost always have a crowded front." Any interactions you have with one of us are going to be overseen, filtered through, and influenced by everyone else in front; if you're building a relationship* with one of us, you're probably building a relationship with several others, too.

Having to do so much more work to keep track of everyone. Organizing headmates by sidesystem, subsystem, etc can be a hassle, and system mapping becomes a lot more difficult when you've got a lot of people to include in your map. You not only have to frequently register new members in things such as Pluralkit and SimplyPlural, but you have to update that data as they learn more about themselves and the system develops, so we end up taking hours to just sit down and go through as many headmates as we can. Simply put, keeping any records of our system is so much more complicated because we're polyfragmented, even if it's just something basic like writing down everyone's names.

Introjects often face a name struggle that they wouldn't if we were a smaller system. Because of how often we get multiple introjects of the same character or person, every introject is expected to take up some kind of nickname so they can be more easily identified and identity issues aren't too frequent, which is its own troublesome process. Especially when we see small systems who don't need to do this... it can make us a bit jealous at times.

It's difficult to find anything about systems of our size. Most systems on platforms like TikTok and YouTube are small, so it's hard to find videos about larger systems. Most systems in fiction, whether they're positive representation or the usual stock-horror serial killer stereotype, have a small number of members so audiences don't get lost or confused. Even within the system community in settings like on Tumblr, it can be hard to find other large systems talking about their own experiences and how they differ from smaller systems – in fact, the experiences of small systems are seen as the "right" experiences in some cases, so if a large system goes outside of that, they are seen as "faking," "promoting unhealthy behavior," etc. We just want to find posts about us that go beyond one-sentence shout-outs, c'mon.

Related to that second-to-last bit, common polyfrag experiences are treated as automatic signs of "faking." Oh, you have a lot of headmates? Faker! You have more than one introject of or from the same source? Faker! You gain new members easily? Faker! Your headmates have highly specific roles? Faker! Some headmates don't have roles because others already handle those jobs? Faker! You often have multiple people in co-front or co-con? Faker! JFC, why is my existence automatically seen as a lie?! A lot of these fakeclaimers supposedly "support" polyfrag systems, too, but then the second a polyfrag system is, y'know, polyfrag, oooohhhh noooo, time to write a call-out about how they're "obviously faking it."

*"Relationship" is used as a general term here and does not refer solely to romantic relationships.

In conclusion, being polyfragmented comes with a lot of small annoyances that aren't helped by how, even in system spaces, we're often misunderstood, mocked, and fakeclaimed. It'd be nice to find more content or resources about/for polyfrag systems, but I'm not holding my breath.

[errorwarblesrr]

do you like totk or botw better?

In short: Yes, I like botw better.

Here are my reasons, though!

I know a lot of people view it as the better experience, which is completely subjective and valid if you do and like it better, but I just view botw as being better in almost every way.

I will give it to totk. The dungeons have a lot better atmosphere. The game has some extremely high highs with the build-up to the wind temple, the whole great sky island segment, and the final boss is a much better fight (though dark beast ganon has a better theme song imo).

Other than that, I prefer botw. Totk has a much grander story, but it's completely mishandled. You can argue that totk has a great story but has poor execution, and to me, execution plays a big role in what makes a story good. You can have good ideas bit it all falls apart if they aren't executed well which ends up making the story bad. It's not that totk has a good story with poor execution, it has good ideas but the bad execution leads to a poorly told story. (I hope that makes sense). Botw has less of a story and is more like a set of events. Botw has history and backstory that is told more organically. Link has amnesia so he slowly regains some of his memories of the past with some people trying to help fill him in. It feels more real...in a weird fantasy way. I guess totk is similar with how we see Zelda's memories, but not really? It's weird to explain. Everything 100 years ago is felt in present day botw while in totk most of those things don't really matter as it happened so long ago. Things only start to resurge because Zelda wanted to investigate under the castle. Totk also has twists like a story. Idk if this is making sense but that's how I feel on their stories. There was just not much botw could mess up on story wise as the way it was presented.

Gameplay wise I can not lie totk is technical marvel with the zonai tech. That's the most impressive thing about it. Tbh building contraptions isn't my thing though, it takes too long to make and experiment with a machine when I can just do whatever that machine was gonna do much faster. I see why people have a lot of fun with it though, it just isn't my thing. One thing I HATE in totk though is the amount of menuing I have to do. Elemental arrows had a serious downgrade. Yeah it's cool to fuse stuff to arrows, but not when I have to do it to ever single individual arrow and if I want to try something new I have to scroll past 50 other items in a single line. It's just tedious. If I want to use a good weapon I have to go to the menu, drop an item, and menu again to fuse it to a weapon that will still break. Item breaking is still an issue but it's more annoying and the weapons no longer look cool. Totk has some cool abilities, but idk I'd trade them all for remote bombs lmao. I hate going through caves, especially early game, and having to deal with the rock walls where they want me to fuse a rock to a stick 10 times to get through one cave. There's just a lot of little things gameplay wise that bug me. They doubled down on botws gameplay issues and added some more annoying ones. I don't even have to mention the sages abilities, that's a whole mess.

On the topic of gameplay, botw just has the better world. Idc, exploring that world for the first time is an unforgettable experience. Totks main world is too similar so the magic is gone. The sky and depths are also unimpressive and repetitive. Botw also has the benefit on how the word felt so lonely yet alive. Everything had a purpose or a story. The world has a history. And totk just doesn't have that. Outside of the upheaval, totk doesn't really build on botws world that much. I was hoping to see if they would've added new towns or see how they'd rebuild hyrule, but they really didn't do that. We only got lookout landing, which doesn't really count as a town, and a bunch of building stuff lying around which is cool I guess. Hateno has a school and Terry Town expanded a little, but with the estimate of about 5 years since botw it makes you wonder...what have these people been doing? We can theoretically build Terry Town in one day. There could be new towns.

Totk is a sequel that doesn't really acknowledge it's predecessor which is so odd. Botw stands on its own and is an overall more cohesive experience. Everything in the world feels purposefully crafted for that world while totk just slaps things on top of it with not much thought. Botw has some amazing world building while for totk it's either "the Zonai did it" or has some contradictory world building. For example, the old sages lifted up the sky islands so that Link would be protected from Ganondorf shenanigans, but then other sky islands suggest how they've been around long before Rauru since young Zonai used to train in them or something. There is also how Zelda says Link never leaves her side, but people she interacts with on an almost daily basis do not recognize him and how even treat as if he doesn't know some facts about her. So either she is overexaggerating by a lot and/or lying in her own diary or that people in hyrule have the collective memory of a rock. There's also Zelda supposedly never giving Link the champions leathers yet as a gift, but we see him wearing it in the beginning. Idk there's more contradictories, but I haven't experienced this for botw??? Totk is so disconnected and disjointed in comparison.

I'm trying to be vague but there's a lot to say, I'm sorry. I really was enjoying this game at the beginning but the more I played the more I noticed or saw things that bugged me and just kept adding up and up on each other. Botw was never like this for me. It's just more cohesive and I like that. There are so many other things I haven't brought up like the repetitive cutscenes, or missing characters/characters that SHOULD know Link but don't (namely Bolson and Hestu). But this post is long. I can't keep complaining about this game. Botw really is that one of a kind experience, and totk tries to replicate it but worse. Botw had a vine that totk lacks. You feel so alone, but you meet knew people and make friends. You build connections as you learn about the past and help those around you. There is no story, you're just a person going through the motions and exploring the vast world around you. Totk can't replace that for me. I'm the main character playing a side role in a disjointed world where not much makes sense. Everything is similar in all the wrong ways.

And most important of all, they took away Link's fun dialogue and personality now he really is bland asf and used to defend that he wasn't.

[personasintro]

I DONT MEAN ANY HARM WITH WHAT IM ABOUT TO SAY IT IS JUST MY OPINION

im finding difficulty in understanding mh's fanbase nowadays...like it's becoming so childish. all people ever wanna do is complain and demand updates. and especially with whats happening with wattshit and stuff. like if you dont want to wait and you arent patient enough then you can just leave...why be so toxic?

(ofc im not talking about everyone, just the elementary school babies who read smut 24/7 😄)

much love mimi <3

Almost every writer experiences demanding readers and their comments, if not every. I don’t mean to sound as if I’m complaining all the time because that’s far from the truth, I often try to see it from a more positive perspective and I’ll be forever thankful that people are invested and excited about my stories. Trust me, 90% of the time I just ignore those kind of comments because I know it’s something every writer is going through. And it’s obvious the more readers the story has, the more comments like this it will get. I mainly speak about it when I’ve had enough and why I spoke recently is exactly this reason.

I told myself to be a little bit more open, even though I didn’t have to be. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that the whole deleting story issue was already enough. I also spoke about my online and offline struggles. Then many people started copying, reposting and translating MH which I never allowed and never will. I had to deal with that every day, a couple of times actually. Why I decided to speak up again is because like I said before, I’ve had enough and I thought those people are selfish in a way, even though they’re obviously excited. But being a little more empathetic in a time like this, or ever actually, isn’t some kind of impossible task.

I got so much more selfish asks and comments from readers, but I decided to not share them because it won’t do any good. But sometimes I get annoyed too and I feel like it’s important to show this side too, set boundaries and all that. I know not everyone will understand that, based on some of the reactions readers had. But that’s okay. At least I said something and if they still decide to be assholes, that’s on them.

[weirdkpopgirl]

Unstoppable Feelings | Jeno Imagine #5

Title: Unstoppable Feelings

Genre: A little angst, slight fluff

Warnings: mentions of reader being insecure

Word Count: 1301

Author's Note: I am so bad at coming up with titles for these things, so I apologize. This was another request from an anon, so I hope it's not too bad. Merry Christmas everyone ^ - ^

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ

Being the girlfriend of Lee Jeno made you feel like you were in a dream. Three years ago, you met through Jaemin. Due to your similar tastes, the two of you immediately hit it off. Then one year later, Jeno worked up the courage to confess his feelings and you guys became official.

Despite not having much experience, you could confidently say that Jeno was the perfect boyfriend. He treated you like a queen. He was affectionate, and he always had that adorable eye smile for you. Your relationship was full of cuddles, shy smiles, and frequent text messages when you weren’t together.

But lately, things haven’t been so nice.

From the beginning, you knew dating an idol wasn’t going to be easy. You were supportive of his career and tried your best to be understanding. Even if it meant canceled dates, and not seeing each other for weeks.

It’s been one of those months where your boyfriend has been busy preparing for his group’s upcoming album. When he did have free time, you guys couldn’t go out like normal couples. So Jeno would often invite you to his dorm, which you were fine with.

By the time you came over, however, you’d find him engrossed in some video game on his computer. All he mumbled was “hey,” when you entered his room. Other than that, he barely acknowledged your presence.

This has been happening a lot lately. You’d be sitting on his bed, pretending to be occupied with your phone. Every so often you glanced over to watch his hands dart from the mouse to the keyboard as the colorful screen shined through.

“Jeno-ssi,” You called his name softly. “Do you think we could—”

“Hold on, Jagi. Let me just beat this level,” He replied, without even looking at you.

These instances bothered you more than you liked to admit. You weren’t someone who called for a lot of attention from others, and it wasn’t like you were one of those clingy girlfriends. Was just a few minutes away from his gaming asking too much of him?

It wasn’t like you could do much at his dorms. But he could still make some effort to talk to you, right? Especially not seeing each other for days.

Nonetheless, you told yourself that you were just being oversensitive. You didn’t have the right to be upset. He was probably so tired from work, and he was relieving some stress through gaming. Who were you to criticize him?

You’ve always been the insecure type, nothing new. You’d get over this feeling soon, you told yourself.

A few days ago, you went to lunch with some of your university friends. Aside from the classes you shared, they often talked about their boyfriends. Oddly, you could never fully join the conversation because you hadn’t told them about Jeno. With him being an idol, it was safer to date quietly with very few people knowing.

“How are you and Dongmin doing?” One of your friends asked Misoo who was sitting across from you.

Misoo groaned, seeming annoyed by just the mention of her partner. “He’s been so frustrating lately. He always out with his friends and doesn’t answer my texts. He acts like I’m not even there.”

You sat up in your seat when hearing your friend was going through a similar situation. 

“Seriously? That’s awful,” Your other friend, Seona commented.

“Yeah, I’m probably going to break up with him,” Misoo sighed.

“But…haven’t you guys been together for almost a year now?” You asked, unsteadied by your friend’s words.

She nodded sadly, “We have. But when guys focus too much on their own thing and stop putting effort into the relationship, that means he isn’t interested in you anymore.”

“Really?”

Seona placed a hand on Misoo’s shoulder. “I agree. It’s better to break up now before you guys fight more and start to resent one another.”

That night, you lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. Sleep was out of the question when your friends’ words kept replaying in your head. Did Jeno not want to be with you anymore? 

He had become such a crucial part of your life. Jeno was always there during your hard times—even when you tried to push him away. The thought of separating from the one person that brought you so much happiness terrified you. You didn’t know if you could handle it.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

“Is everything okay?” Jaemin sat down beside him after dance practice one day. He noticed the boy wearing a troubled expression.

Jeno sighed, “(Y/n) has been acting weird lately.”

“Why?”

“I asked her if she wanted to come over the other day. But she said she had a lot of homework to do, so she couldn’t.” 

He pulled out his phone to show Jaemin their past texts. All of your responses were short and turning down his invites. He also brought up how you haven’t been sending him the random cat videos you usually did.

“Maybe she’s mad at you,” Jaemin suggested.

Jeno leaned back against the couch, trying to think if he did anything to upset you lately. He then remembered the last few times you came over, and that’s when he realized. He’s barely paid any attention to you because he was so preoccupied with his game.

“Ugh, I messed up,” He groaned.

The latter gave his friend a quizzical look when he stood up. “Where are you going?”

“To see (Y/n),” Jeno answered quickly, grabbing his jacket. “I need to talk to her.”

You had been at home all day, doing homework, and studying for other classes. Trying not to think about Jeno was hard. Filling your time with university work was the only distraction you could come up with.

Late in the evening, your doorbell buzzed. Of course, the last person you expected to see was there when you answered the door.

“Jeno-ssi?” 

His ears were flushed red from the cold, as he stood with flowers in his hand and a box of chocolates. Not knowing what to think of this, you ushered him into your apartment. 

“What is all this?” You asked as he gave you the bouquet. Giving gifts was a rare thing between the two of you. 

Jeno scratched his head, “Jaemin said that blue hyacinths are the best apology flowers.”

“You didn’t need to do that,” You frowned, even though you were touched by this romantic gesture.

“No, I think I did. I’m sorry for taking our time together for granted.” He took your hand. “You’re always so understanding and patient. I shouldn’t have been so careless.”

The relief that washed over you was so heavy. Jeno’s eyes widened when he saw you begin to tear up. He quickly wrapped his arms around you. You closed your eyes, letting yourself sink into his embrace. It felt like it’s been so long since you guys hugged like this.

“I thought maybe you lost feelings for me,” You confessed quietly.

His arms squeezed tighter around your waist, and you felt his lips brush against your hair.

“Pabo, my love for you will never leave,” He spoke softly. “I’ll do a better job of showing you that, from now on.”

Looking back, this was just a minor bump in the road that the two of you were able to drive over. Jeno made sure to treasure you more so that you’d never feel insecure about your relationship again.

° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ° 𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ

[ordinaryschmuck]

Finished the main story campaign in Spider-Man 2

What I liked

There were some AWESOME action set pieces. Sandman's boss fight, the prison transfer, Kraven's den, chasing Black Cat, and hunting the Lizard just to name a few.

The swinging is still fun and I LOVED the web-wings. There are times when I go in for a glide, hoping to get to the checkpoint without needing to swing. It's more addicting than it should be.

LOVED Kraven. Probably the best adaptation of him yet with an interesting motivation that makes sense for a character like him.

Miles' little story with Mister Negative is ALSO interesting, and I like how it ended, especially with what they do with Martin in the end. It's pretty good.

The boss fights are a huge improvement, adding in a health bar that lets you know how far along you're kicking ass and making each fight feel like a battle WON. It's frustrating that I got MY ass kicked more times than not, but each time I finally beat the boss it I EARNED that victory.

That brief moment where I was killing people as Venom was super fun in a sick way. PLEASE make that Venom Spin-off game, Insomniac. We want you to just for gameplay alone.

Peter giving into the madness of the symbiote is handled pretty well. It DOES feel like he becomes a little more evil quicker than he should have, but I blame that on me going through the game's story mode and actively avoiding the side missions until I finished the campaign. Everyone's gameplay experience is different and something that feels fast in the story might not feel as fast to others.

MJ's stealth missions are actually pretty exciting this time...a bit bullshit that SHE can take care of certain goons, but at least I'm not wasting time hiding anymore. And that final mission with her was surprisingly fun and intense.

I liked those prequel scenes of Peter as a teen. Really sold how young he was when starting out as Spider-Man.

What I Didn't Like

THAT GOSH DANG PARRY SYSTEM! I'm willing to blame my own lack of skill for this, but I HATE parrying. I almost NEVER get it right, and it sucks when fighting foes where parrying is a requirement to beating them. And it's extra bullshit when the game throws in attacks you HAVE to dodge and get super FUCKED when you parry instead. It made combat more frustrating than fun, and actually hurt my enjoyment in the combat, which I INTENSELY enjoyed from the first game and the Miles Morales spin off.

And don't even get me started on those horseshit checkpoints! Every time I start over, I am filled with DREAD that I have to do all that annoying difficult shit all over again because I didn't get to this exact point the game wanted me to get to.

It doesn't make sense that Kraven has goons. He works best as a solo act and I don't get what his minions get out of working for him. I know it's to give us more people to fight against, but it doesn't work for me.

Norman Osborn is surprisingly underutilized in this game? Like, with how much of a prominent role Harry has, there's not much of a need for Norman, nor a valid reason to be there other than get pissed off over what happens near the end. It feels like his character was an afterthought, which is strange for someone who's meant to be the Green Goblin soon.

Harry's character...gets worse the more the game goes by. He started out interesting as someone both clinging to the past and trying desperately to pick up his life right where he left it. But as the game goes on and it tries to push this...idea with him, it doesn't really work as there's not enough time to properly develop it. It was a good idea with not that great of an execution.

Miles' suit...I don't hate as much as the rest of the people who played the game, but I do think it's nonsense that Miles made it while the city was being destroyed. Yeah, Peter made a new suit in the end of the last game, but there you can argue that it's for practicality purposes in order to get the upper hand against Doc Ock. Miles just made a new suit because he thought it looked cool...It does not.

AND WHERE ARE THE AVENGERS?! It didn't make sense that they didn't show up in the first game, and it makes even LESS sense now! Like, you really expect me to believe that NONE of the Avengers were available at the moment? NONE?! Not even Hawkeye?! At this point, I expect the third game to end a similar way Peacemaker did, where Peter and Miles are carrying away a bleeding out MJ after this big apocalyptic fight, and the Avengers show up JUST as its over only for Peter to go, "You're too late, assholes!" And now that I say it...that would actually be pretty funny. But it's still nonsense that they're not there!

And that's about it. 8/10 game, not as great as the first one, but still pretty fun.

[justonemorewallflower]

Hello, another update!! Last time my cousin and I watched BSG we got through Home Part 1 through Epiphanies.

So here's a quick update about her thoughts to all those episodes:

She was ECSTATIC about the Starpollo kiss haha she literally threw her hands up in excitement when it happened then was annoyed when the scene immediately became tense because of Sharon walking in. She thought the kiss was super random but she definitely wasn't mad about it.

Later when Lee talks to Kara in the brig after he had talked to Sharon and tells Kara she isn't the one who should be telling him what to do my cousin said, "brother you literally kissed her." 🤣

She thought the scene where Lee told her he loved her was cute. And she thought it was funny when Kara teased him about it. My cousin was literally the definition of kicking her feet and giggling during this scene.

She was pretty stressed for all the Kobol stuff especially when Elosha stepped on a trap and Tom and his buddy were planning to take out Lee and his dad.

When they found the tomb of Athena and had the vision with all the constellations it just dawned on her that all the colonies were named after the constellations lmao. It took her that long 🤣😭

She still hates Ellen lol she gets so annoyed every time she's on screen haha. She also kind of figured D'Anna was a Cylon so she wasn't surprised to find that out.

She thought the Blackbird was pretty cool. She was annoyed with Helo and Chief fighting over Sharon. She thought it was super cute how everyone signed the ship and they named it after Laura.

She HATED Cain and understandably so.

She hated what happened with Sharon and Helo and Chief and was glad that Thorne died and that Helo and Chief didn't get executed for intervening.

She was SUPER stressed when Kara was given the task to kill Cain and Fisk had the task to kill Bill. As well as Lee just casually dying during all that too. She was so stressed haha and was relieved when Lee got saved and Fisk nor Kara had to murder anyone.

She was glad Gina killed Cain though. She was just glad Cain died haha.

In Epiphanies she really thought Laura was gonna die. She was confused and shocked when Bill kissed her towards the end of the episode.

Also in the one scene Lee and Dee have where their faces ended up close during like fighting practice she did the same thing she had done to Kara and Sam where she went, "get away!" 🤣

She's gonna absolutely hate how those relationships develop and how it'll be both of the pairs she doesn't like.

Also I asked her some thoughts on current ships/couples like which ones she thinks will make it to the end and all and regarding Kara and Lee she thinks they're endgame for sure and I'm just over here sobbing like just wait your opinion on that is about to change real quick and you're gonna be so disappointed/upset 😭

Also at one point where Kara was in danger I made a joke to her about her dying too (this was like after episode where Lee almost died) and she said "she can't die she's a pop figure." And I'm just over here like oh how wrong you are... she's going to be so upset haha

***

Anyway those were her biggest/main thoughts from our last watch session. Today we are going to watch more and I'm so curious because we'll be starting off on Black Market which is bleh but I'll be curious to see her thought on that episode especially since Lee is one of her favorite characters. And I'm also curious to see her reaction to Scar because that is an interesting episode too and pretty Kara centered which is another one of her favorite characters. I also can't wait for her to watch Sacrifice because she is going to be devastated about Billy (in the past episodes at one point she literally said how he can't die and she likes him). She's also gonna be sad about Lee. Like poor Lee can't get a break he gets seriously injured/has near death experiences like 3 times within 5 episodes 😭😭

I am also excited to see her thoughts on Razor!

I'm not sure how much further she and I will make it into season two, I'm kind of hoping we'll finish the season but that's me being optimistic about our time, etc.

I shall keep y'all posted :)

[demonslayedher]

Things that flew through my mind while watching this episode:

--YAAASSS,k,,, ujkasdlahsd AAAAHHHHH HYYYYAAAAASSSSSSSSSS SO COOL, TANJIRO'S SOOOO COOOOOOOLLLL, LOOK AT 'IM GO WITH THAT HINOKAMI KAGURAAAAAAA

--AAHHHH DAAAAAAKKIIIIII makin' us feel the TEN-SIOOOOOOON, narrating the shock in Muzan's cells SO WE FEEL IT TOOOOOOOOOO, LOOK AT HER HAIR GO FYWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEE when her obi goes FWAAAAHHHHHH

--NEEEEEEEEEEEEE

--ZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

--KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

--Phew, okay, so yeah, this episode gets overshadowed by the animation in the battles once Gyutaro comes in, but this is just SO GOOD, SO WELL PRODUCED, SO EXCITING, SO MUCH REWATCH VALUE

--UFOTABBBBBBBBBLLLLLLEEEEEEE!!!!!! YOU MONSTERS, THIS IS AMAAAAAAAZZZIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGG AAAAAAAAHHHH

--Just… just, all of you, do yourselves a favor and rewatch the solo Tanjiro .vs. Daki battle, which admittedly also gets overshadowed by the full-on violence fest that is Nezuko .vs. Daki right after it. But this fight is so good, right from their first encounter!! Every twist and turn in battle shows us Daki little by little finding herself challenged by Tanjiro and going through a range of thoughts and feelings on that, it is so fun to ride along with her on all her mood swings, but she's still generally in control even if Tanjiro's making her surprised, annoyed, and frustrated sometimes, especially since he's worth so little to her that at earlier points in the fight, she was willing to let him run along and live like a mouse she tired of toying with. Muzan, who doesn't even hold high expectations of her, probably wouldn't even scold her for it (though it would frustrate him that he didn't tell her to kill the kid with the earrings instead of just setting her attention on an annoying demon who got away. Muzan doesn't have high expectations of Nezuko either, at this point). However, Tanjiro is continually pushing himself harder and harder, pulling from harder and harder to access portions of his repertoire, until the horror of Daki's blatant disregard for human life sends him over and edge he couldn't even see. And man, how he plunges!! It almost tempts one to theorize that the mysterious samurai arising in the memories of Muzan's cells is a ghost possessing Tanjiro for this portion of the fight, but my meta angle on it is that Hinokami Kagura already enables humans to tap into this latent power, and Tanjiro has attained enough of a level of mastery--likely both through conscious practice and years of unconscious practice through dance with his father--that allows him to enter a state of flow.

--aaaaAAANNNDD HE LOOKS SO COOL WHILE DOING IT

--I love how she emphasizes how much more Hinokami Kagura hurts and that it's hard to recover from (and I love how that aspect of Hinokami Kagura is similar to Nezuko's fire, what do you know, it's like she's from the same family of fire-working charcoal farmers). Also love how surprised and confused Daki is by the reaction from Muzan's cells. This isn't Muzan telepathically telling her anything like, "that's him, that's the guy, kill him!", no, it's Muzan's cells being unable to control their ingrained terror. Perhaps no other demon after Yoriichi's time has ever experienced what Daki is going through, as she is the first to encounter a swordsman resonating with that side of Sun Breath, and happening to say similar lines in similar depth about the value of life. Muzan would never reveal his fears to anyone (excepts, perhaps, Kokushibo, who maybe hears the brunt of how much his brother sucks), so what Daki is experiencing is downright weird. (Don't worry, Daki, your cells will experience terror of their own when Nezuko soon sets you on fire).

--Two things that interupt the exceedingly satisfying ebb and flow of the Tanjiro .vs. Daki fight: the Sound-Pillar-leaping-out-of-a-hole-with-his-arms-full-of-boys filler, and Shinjuro's letter. Well, three things, I guess. Tanjiro's lack of stamina had quite rude timing.

--Shinjuro's letter, from a lore perspective, is very satisfying, and ties in well with the timing of Daki's encountering Muzan's memories and fear lodged deep inside them. We also get the first mentions of the mark here, which Shinjuro brings up very casually, as though everyone knows about it. Shinjuro is a lore nerd. I already related to him due to feeling similarly depressed about things I started practicing, like, ten years ago but like I'll never progress further than this (and go figure, I haven't been to naginata practice in… five months…… ouch) , but---but now I must also feel a kindred spirit in Shinjuro for how he is a lore nerd. Sure, yes, Kyojuro might had been reading those sword manuals and diaries for his own swordsmanship development, but Shinjuro's obsessed gotten too obsessed with the history and lore! That makes this letter very refreshing. If Shinjuro can come around from dark places and approach things with humility and gratitude and kindness, then I can strive for that too, even in the moments when my efforts feel most worthless.

--OK BUT LIKE THE WAY TANJIRO JUST GRABS HER LEGS AND CUTS IT OFF AND THEN DROPS IT OFF THE ROOF WITH THAT CLUNK OF THE SHOE IT'S MOMENTS LIKE THESE I LIVE FOR IN THIS SERIES

--TRAPPING ALL THE OBI LIKE THAT, EVEN ONCE SHE'S STARTED USING HER BLOOD TECHNIQUE ON YOU INSTEAD OF JUST WHIPPING SHARP BODY PARTS AROUND, TANJIRO, YOU ABSOLUTE BADASS

--AND AND AND THE RED IN HIS EYES AND THE WAY HIS HAIR CHANGES SHAPE LIKE WHEN HE LATER GETS THE MARRRRRRKKK

--I have to wonder at what point Nezuko decided it was time to leave the box. Was she snoozing and ghost-Hanako stopped by to wake her up first? Or did she hear the crash and was like, "hm-mm" ("yes, now")? And then leave the box to see all the wreckage? Was she shocked and immediately worried for Tanjiro and had to go hunting him down? Or did she look at piles of rubble and go "hm. hm. hm." like observing Rengoku-san choking some human on a train?

--AND THE WAY NEZUKO'S HAIR GOES WHOOSH, WHOOSH IN THE WIND UP THERE, and and and the way she was already getting those cracks around her eyes the moment she was in Daki's presence? We could totally watch the anime only and have no idea it's because Daki has more of Muzan's cells than any other demon Nezuko's encountered, but she's still rightfully angry not only about Tanjiro being injured, but the fact that a bunch of humans--you know, Nezuko's family--are dead. In that way, she and Tanjiro have BOTH tapped into another source due to the same emotion. Takeo is very right to start his monologue by saying that she and Tanjiro are similar. Also, I love that monologue. It gives us so much depth to Takeo. He acts cool for the parts we ve usually seen him so far, but at his core, he's still a scared little kid with a keen skill for reading people.

--Neeee…zuuu…. KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

[myrmyrtheorca]

Vent post because I don't really want to talk about it with people but I still need to get it out of my system somehow

I have a graduation party in another region this weekend and I'm losing my mind because it literally ticks all the boxes to be a disaster for my mental health. Firstly I'm in the car with a couple who fights every single time they travel together and one of them drives (if you remember back when I went to Turin a few months ago, it's the friends who almost left us without a car to come back home). I get in fight or flight mode whenever someone raises their voice in anger in my vicinity even if it's not directed at me, and it's especially bad in a car because I cannot escape and have to live through the aftermath as well. So there will be a lot of yelling to begin with. Doesn't help that said friends are really...peculiar drivers..

At the event there will be lots of drinking, I don't drink anymore myself because of bad experiences in the past where people raised their voice at me for being annoying but being near someone who's drunk makes my anxiety skyrocket because of unpredictability (I do very bad with unpredictable events). People will pressure me and will be disappointed that I don't join the drinking but I won't budge on that and so I know I'll get comments for it.

We're sleeping in a hotel in a shared room, which means more anxiety because I'm super uncomfortable sleeping far from home. I'm scared of sleeping near intoxicated people, not because I'm afraid they will hurt me but because of ... really anything else that might happen to an intoxicated person...

At least here in Italy graduation parties feature a range of activities which usually are made to make fun of the person who's just graduated, and that already puts me of...plus I know that most of these activities have the purpose to MAKE the girl drink...they actually plan to make her blackout drunk by the end of the evening and I find it despicable but i have literally 0 say in all of this

Then there's the waking up part, getting everyone ready for checkout, and the whole trip back home...more yelling...more travelling...more speeding through the highway...

I really really don't want to go. I REALLY want to stay home. Home is safe. I don't want to go out there's too much danger I want to stay home I really really fucking want to stay home but nobody will take my fears seriously because everyone around me thinks being drunk to the bone is funny

I will feel like a trapped rabbit the whole time and the day after I have to go to work.

eep

[elftwink]

so this is from someone who also actively plays in and dms campaigns with other systems but personally i love dnd partly because i like the number of arcane rules. i think part of what it is, is my table experiences have been so combat-lite that for me the system has just become tools for solving puzzles and situations. encounters are so few and far between with my usual dm that they become very intense and scary when they do happen, and you can maybe say well that's dnd guy cope to say that this combat sim is better without the combat, and that probably is true. the best version of dnd for me like if i were writing 6e would be to shift the game's mechanical focus away from combat, increase the prominence of utility/ roleplay oriented spells and skills, and encourage DMs not to rely on combat to fill space in the game

yes!! ik im being a hater in my posts rn but i also love dnd, and especially the magic and spell system. it's not perfect obviously, but i have yet to find a ttrpg whose magic system is as engaging to me personally as dnd is. idk it's like exactly the right amount of rules to feel very bound by them while still leaving wiggle room for creative magic choices (either by way of flavour which is whatever you make of it, or by way of doing something that is Technically covered by the spell but probably not intended, which almost always fucks extremely hard).

& also i agree that dnd is kind of too combat focused, and i actually do think it would be better with less (although i suspect that given theres a pretty large contingent of dnd players who play mostly or solely combat, i dont think this is a universal opinion lol), or at the very least if it didn't feel like it dominated the meta decisions you have to make. like when i take new spells i often have to deliberate between the cool utility spell i actually want to take that has no damage component, and the damage based spell that will keep me viable in combat. i wish often these choices were less at odds with each other, or at least if you had a character who needed to be carried through combat that they would have more utility in non-combat scenarios instead of just kind of feeling like dead weight (now i sound like someone who should try another system, lol. but its more varied spells in the existing dnd system that i want!)

also i kind of think dnd has a problem esp at the mid level with keeping combat high stakes and genuinely scary, which is a whole other post where i could ramble lol, but honestly in terms of per table solutions "do combat a lot less" sounds like actually an extremely good way to deal with it. the worst thing in dnd is when combat starts to feel repetitive and like a slog. if it happens rarely it just so so so much easier to avoid that. i could say much more about this but ive already been typing this ask for a gazillion years but the point is i'm stealing your dms tactics for next time i run a game

also to contextualize my baseless haterism posts, i just want to clarify that i don't care in any way if someone plays only 5e/dnd and refuses to play other systems. this is whatever. what annoys me is when such people insist this is because every other game on earth is worse than dnd at everything, somehow, even though they do not know the full rules of dnd and are not super interested in learning. there's a lot to be found there in dnd but you have to like, engage with it. your dm cant read it for you. & its always more fun to be at a table where everyone knows wtf is going on than with players who barely know enough to scrape by and treat the DM like a rules dispensing machine

anyway. your 6e ideas sound awesome, especially more utility spells pleaseeee wotc. life could be so beautiful

[somegiantmess]

Someday I'd like to draw some comic about my experience of becoming very aware and informed of the state of our planet and our living conditions (and how everything is tied with political choices at the end of the day).

All those feelings I can't explain would be easier said with just some doodled scenes.

It would also be my personal path through it. People live it differently, even if some things are going to be similar. But I've always been a ball of stress and anxiety; and as such, they're obviously part of how I live this awareness.

It's been three years, and every now and then I still find myself unable to share when I feel alone in this. When I'm facing daily life situations where there's a problem with what we're doing or choosing to do but I'm, like, the only one seeing/thinking about it. And there's the fear that if I say something, I'll be seen as the annoying, aggravating person.

And those times when a situation or a topic makes me real uncomfortable, or even anxious, ecologically-wise, but it's transparent for the others; family included. They may have no idea that said topic can make me anxious, or maybe don't care so much, maybe they would even think I'm overdoing it with all this anyway? Again, I don't want to be the party boomer, so most of the time I don't say it and stay anxious on my own.

I think those are the worst. Sometimes my social anxiety may be harder to deal with than my projections for the future (which are still hard to imagine while we're not there, you know). Because if people, here and now, don't see the problem and don't see what needs to change to the level required, those projections are bound to happen, you know?

If we were all (or almost) going on the right path, it would open the way to hope. But having to talk to people, convince them, especially when the change needed may touch to some extent our personal lives/beliefs/dreams/interests? It goes not only into technical and science and datas talk, but also very much into political and personal talk. And that's terrible for me, who fear that people will hate me over the tiniest thing.

So anyway idk sometimes I just imagine the kind of scene I could draw about my most common anxiety in common situations. And that with this I could at least, idk, tell the people around me how I feel in some situations through a smoother, easier medium for me (and even maybe for them).

And at the same time, I would do better to use this time and effort to work on a (maybe) more useful project on those topics. That's probably the best choice to help myself in the end.

Yep I ranted about all that just to conclude that I won't do it (but at the same time who knows!)

[eyitzme]

ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵒᵃᵈ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗ ; ˣᵃⁿʳᵉⁱ ⁽ᵈʳᵈᵗ⁾

Summary: Xander Matthews and Arei Nageishi are trying to get home after spending the day with their classmates. Traffic, rain, and construction go against their wishes, and they're not making it home until a few more hours. Xander can deal with it, but when Arei's phone dies and she can't listen to music anymore, a conversation starts between them. It's not that bad. Word Count: 3,401 A/N: If I had a nickel for every Xanrei fic I made that happened during the night, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but isn't it weird how it happened twice? So, this fic was supposed to be Xanrei driving to some place, sitting on top of the car, looking at the night sky, and talking. (I have three nickels if you include ideas.) The moment I started writing this, my brain wondered about traffic, and the whole direction of the fic shifted before I even knew it. Writing is so weird. Faint traces remain, but you couldn't even tell what the original plan was unless I told you. I'm still proud of writing this entire one shot in one day, though, since the Xanrei fic I posted the other day did, in fact, give me motivation to write more Xanrei. Applaud me! (I'm imagining you, the reader, as a genderless being vaguely shaped like a human applauding for me right now.)

it isn't so bad being out here with you.

Xander Matthews enjoyed car rides. They were, most of the time, a nice experience that helped you get along with those around you. There were plenty of things you could do in the car, and the small stops through the trip, if it was a long one, gave you a short break from the others if you needed it. The question of where you were going was great as well! The possibilities were endless!

Today wasn't "most of the time."

Xander and his classmate, Arei Nageishi, were trying to go home after a long day of taking a break from school at a park five hours away from campus with the rest of their classmates. According to some of them—half, actually—Arei wasn't allowed to drive or even be in a car alone. Xander wasn't sure what the big deal was, but it wasn't like he spoke to Arei much. Whatever the case was, he found himself in his car willing to drive her home. It didn't seem like that bad of an idea, especially since Arei was busy with whatever music was playing in her headphones. The silence was a bit unnerving for Xander, especially considering who he was in the car with, but he was fine with it.

But then they got onto the highway and were stuck in traffic thanks to some construction. It was already getting late, and it just had to start raining too. They were barely moving a centimetre about every few minutes, and with how it was already nearing 11 P.M., he wasn't sure they were making it back home before midnight.

Xander's car was one of the more silent ones. He wasn't honking his horn obnoxiously like the other cars, and there wasn't any conversation going on either. The conversation part changed the moment Arei declared from the backseat, "This is the worst day ever!"

"It isn't that bad," Xander told her.

"Yes, it is. My phone died, and we're not even home yet, right?"

"You didn't realize we're stuck in traffic?"

"We're stuck in traffic?" From the rearview mirror, he could see Arei putting her headphones on her shoulders and looking out the windows. Her backpack rested on the ground in front of her. "Oh, we are. That sucks."

With his eyes still on the rearview mirror, Xander asked, "You actually didn't notice?"

"No," she answered. "I was going to listen to music until we got home so I wouldn't have to talk to you, but now my phone's dead."

"What's so bad about talking to me?"

"You're British."

Xander sighed. "You're not funny..."

"You're not funny," Arei repeated in a horrible attempt at a British accent.

Xander wasn't sure why he even attempted to talk to her. Arei pushed everyone's buttons almost too easily, and he was no exception. He wasn't sure what her deal was, but she could so annoying at times!

"How long until we're back home?" Arei asked.

"We're probably not getting back until after midnight," Xander answered.

"What time is it now?"

"11:48 P.M."

"I bet all the others are already home by now. I should've went with one of them instead of you."

"Too late now." In his mind, Xander repeated, Don't get annoyed. She's trying to make you annoyed, so giving her a reaction would be giving her what she wants. Don't get annoyed.

"It's Friday, right?" Arei leaned back against the backseat. "Nothing to do tomorrow. I'd be upset about the traffic if I had something important."

"You're not the one driving," Xander said.

"Hu Jing doesn't let me drive," she scoffed. "She says I'm not allowed to after what happened last time."

"What happened last time?"

"I don't feel like hearing a speech about being a good citizen or whatever you talk about, so I'll keep that a secret."

"I wasn't going to give you any speeches..."

"Better safe than sorry. By the way, you should really stop giving people speeches. David is right there. He gives better speeches than you. Stop."

The mention of his idol and classmate, David Chiem, put a smile on Xander's face. "Of course David can give better speeches than I can! He's amazing! You should've heard his speech the other day at—"

"Fanboy." Arei rolled her blue eyes. "Just get used to him already."

"I am used to him—"

"Doesn't look like it." She lowered her voice and put on her fake and terrible British accent. "Oh, David, be my partner for this project, love! David, look at these fish and chips I made for you! It'd be great if David could see me right now, innit? I need to give this bottle of water to David right now! David, David, David, David!"

All the reminders Xander had been giving himself to not get annoyed were immediately forgotten. "First, I don't sound like that! Second, your excuse of a British accent is just you not pronouncing the T's. Third, you know I've never said anything you think I say. I swear, you're the most annoying and selfish prick I've ever—"

A sniff interrupted his dialogue. Small teardrops started to flow from her eyes as Arei rubbed them away. "Y-You're so mean..."

Xander's heart shuddered. Her tears were fake. She always did that to get what she wanted. He knew that, but he still wanted her to stop. It was how he felt with everyone, but it was different with Arei. Instead of just the general "stop-crying", he had a more specific want. He wanted to comfort her, take back what he said in a hopefully more meaningful way—that probably wouldn't be the case, though—and possibly putting in some physical contact. He couldn't place why it was so different with her.

As usual, he had to ignore that want, mainly because his brain always went into panic-mode the second someone had tears start to show. "Arei, I didn't mean that..."

"Yes, you did. I get it. I'm the most annoying, selfish, pathetic, and ugly prick you've ever met. You never wanted to deal with me, but everyone else forced you to...!" She rubbed her nose against her sleeve, her blue nail polish looking darker than normal.

The car in front of them moved forward a couple of centimetres. Xander moved his car as far as he could, but the car behind them honked anyway. That made the other cars around them to start honking. Xander really couldn't deal with this plus Arei crying in the middle of the night.

He turned around in his seat to look at her from the front. He had to use the only card he had. "Arei, I promise I don't think of you like that. I won't ever call you that ever again. I won't even think about you like that."

She sniffed. Their eyes met in the rearview mirror. Something about the rain, the streetlights, and the surrounding headlights made her blue eyes with fake tears look bigger than normal. "Promise...?"

"I promise." His voice came out quieter than he expected it to. He figured it had to do with how quiet and soft her voice was. That, at the end of the day, was just another part of her tricks.

He turned back to the road as Arei immediately stopped crying and said, "Good. I'll remember this, Xander. If you break it—"

She was interrupted by a car near them honking their horn loud and long enough to probably be heard throughout the country.

She sighed. "Stupid drivers... We get it, it's late, you want to go home, now stop honking your horns and annoying everyone else! It's not doing anything to speed this up!"

Taking a peek at the rearview mirror, he noticed she was scowling. Normally, he didn't think people scowling was good as it showed they were annoyed at something that maybe they shouldn't be annoyed. True to it, he didn't like seeing her scowl, but a small part of him thought the flash of emotion in her eyes and the way her nose scrunched up was adorable.

He was probably tired. That was probably what it was.

Putting his eyes on anything else as the cars inches forward again, Xander asked, "Arei, do you get road rage?"

"Only when I'm the one driving," Arei answered. "Why?"

"You seem like someone who would."

"I'm taking that as an insult."

"It wasn't meant to be an insult."

"It sounded like one."

"Did your road rage make Hu Jing and everyone else decide you can't drive?" Xander asked to make her think about something else.

"I'm not telling you. What happened last time is a secret, Alexander." Arei pronounced his full name slowly like she was trying to make every letter of stick into his brain. He never told her what his full name was, and he always wondered if Teruko Tawaki had something to do with it. She was the only one in their class who knew his full name.

Xander turned his head to the window. Rain splattered onto it as he looked through the darkened windows to the car next to it. A man was asleep in the passenger seat as a woman drove the car. He wondered where they were going, where they came from, and why they were out so late. They, or at least the woman, could be wondering the same thing about him.

"What music do you listen to?" Xander almost jumped at the sound of Arei's voice. She had released herself out of her seatbelt's hold without turning on the sound of the alarm and was leaning over from the back. Her head was near his, her hair falling over the side her face as she searched through his glove box.

"Stop looking through my stuff!" Xander swatted her hand away. He was a second too late from her opening one and finding a charger.

She grabbed it before he could stop her and inspected it. "This one won't charge my phone. Useless." She dropped it in the passenger seat.

"You could at least put it back..." His grumbles went ignored, so he had to put it back.

"Where's your phone?" Arei asked. "Do you have, like, any streaming services? I wanna listen to something. Play some British song."

"I left my phone at home—"

"Who leaves their phone at home? What is this, the 2000's?"

"We're not listening to music," Xander said. "Sit down before someone sees you."

"We're going at one metre per hour. No one cares." As if she was trying to prove her point, she straightened her back while still sitting in between the passenger and driver seat. He had to tilt his head up to talk to her.

"What if we get into a car crash?"

"How bad are you at driving that we get in a car crash when we're barely moving? At that point, I'd take my chances with Ace driving while Levi does his scary stuff sitting in the passenger seat, Arturo sitting next to J in the backseat taking about J's mom, and Teruko's in the trunk here for her bad luck."

"Why is Teruko in the boot?"

"'Boot?'"

"Trunk," he quickly corrected. "Why is she in the trunk?"

"British people." Her nose scrunched to show disgust, but he knew she didn't actually feel that way. Maybe that knowledge was the reason why that simple act tugged on his heart. "There's no more room in the backseat, and Teruko has to be somewhere if I'd rather risk being in a car with her than you. Oh, yeah, if Arturo and J sit in the backseat with me, I don't have enough room to stretch my legs..."

"I was wondering why you sat in the backseat instead of the front."

He expected Arei to say something about her choices in car seating arrangements, but instead, she asked, "You have a tongue piercing?"

Xander was confused for a second before realizing she didn't know he had one. "Oh, yeah, I do. My old school had a strict rule that didn't allow any piercings, so I pierced my tongue. If a teacher walked by, all I have to do is close my mouth."

He stuck out his tongue so she could see his lip piercing better. The actual lip piercing wasn't anything special, but it was the act of getting one that was. To him, it was an act to fight against the rules that didn't make sense. That was his job! He pulled his tongue back into his mouth so he could explain what he was thinking back then when he noticed Arei expression.

It was oddly unreadable. She always kept the emotions she wanted others to see on the surface, so having a blank face was weird. Her eyes were trained onto his lips, and for a few seconds, silence took over. Then, her eyes lifted off his lips to his eye. He wasn't sure if it was just him or if she truly did stiffen ever so slightly, but he wasn't going to ask. The atmosphere between them felt...different. Like a blink alone could ruin whatever was going on between them. Not like he knew what was going on between them.

Xander wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. It felt like hours. It was probably no more than a few minutes, though, especially when the car behind them honked their horn. He turned to the road and realized he could move forward.

Arei slipped into the passenger seat when the car honked. After he moved the car as far as he could, he forced himself to expand the suddenly uncomfortable silence for a second to try to get used to it. He couldn't, so he asked, "I thought you didn't like sitting there."

She shrugged. "I like it. It's just that I like stretching my legs out more. There's not enough room here, and I can't even lay down."

"If you're sitting here now, put your seatbelt on."

Surprisingly, she listened. His surprise could only be held for a few seconds before she started rummaging around in his glove box again.

"I told you to stop looking through my stuff!" He swatted at her hands again.

"Why? Do you have something to hide, Xander Matthews? Do you have drugs in here? Porn magazines? Condoms? Were you planning—"

"I don't have any of those, and I wasn't planning anything!" Even though the streetlights and the headlights made it relatively easy to see, he hoped it was too hard for her to see how red his cheeks were.

"That's what they all say." She took a five-second break before going back to it.

To focus on something that wouldn't give him a headache, Xander looked out the window to see if he could see the man and the woman who were in the car next to them, but they were gone. A new car was there was two new people. They were a different man and woman. From what it looked like, they were having a lively conversation with each other, one filled with laughter and smiles. He couldn't make out what they were talking about, but they looked like they were enjoying each other's presence.

"Xander, say, 'Cheese!'"

"Huh?"

When Xander turned his head towards Arei, he found her holding his phone towards his face, unlocking it with facial I.D. Before he could stop her, she went back to the backseat and went through his phone, keeping it out of his reach. She readjusted her seatbelt to be around her again as she said, "Liar, liar, liar," each "liar" getting a shake of her head. "You said you kept your phone at home, but it's right here? I knew no one kept their phone at home nowadays! What kind of things are you hiding in here?"

"Nothing, now give me my phone back!" He tried to reach for it from the driver seat, but his seatbelt stopped him from getting too far.

"I'm only checking what music you listen to." She showed him the phone screen briefly as proof. When she turned it back to herself, she stayed silent as she scrolled through. He wasn't sure why he felt nervous about her knowing what he listened to, but he did. After a minute, she smiled and said, "You would listen to this."

The smile on her face and her voice were different than everything he got used to with her. It was small and gentle, and her voice was soft with no hint of teasing. They worked together to give her a look of sweet understanding. It was unusual, considering who it was coming from, but she looked so pretty that he couldn't look away.

He wished he had the photographic memory of their classmate, Rose Lacroix. Just remembering that look on her face would be enough, but if he also received her artistic skills, then it would be even better. Being able to paint how to the light from their surroundings hit her, how the screen reflected on her eyes, how her being in his car like it was the most natural thing in the world would be a dream. He could even frame it somewhere and show off the moment he realized—

No, he didn't realize anything.

Arei leaned down and opened her backpack. She shuffled through it until she pulled out earbuds. Despite already having headphones still resting on her shoulders, she plugged the earbuds into his phone and said, "I'm listening to your playlist now. How much time do we have left until we get home?"

Xander forced his eyes back to the road. The car in front of him moved farther than before, and even with the rain, he could see that there was less traffic not that far up ahead. "Once we make it past here, we should be home in around two and a half hours."

"That's enough time to listen to your playlist. I'm telling you my opinions on it tomorrow—and you better care about them." She put her earbuds in, leaned back against the car seat, and closed her eyes. Even though he couldn't tell what she was thinking, she looked more peaceful than normal.

The construction site was coming to an end. In less than half an hour, he should be able to drive more freely. The rain would be a little bit of a bother, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. He already had Arei inside his car. But then again, his mind went back to the sweet smile on her face every time he thought of her. He would happily deal with her if it meant he got to see that smile more.

As time went on, their car made it further through traffic. They just about reached the end when Xander felt someone nudge his shoulder. He looked over and saw Arei sitting in between in the driver seat and the passenger seat and holding out one of her earbuds.

He hesitated, but he took it. Once he did, she sat on the passenger seat and put the seatbelt on wordlessly. He still hadn't put the earbud in his ear yet.

"You need to stop moving so much," he said.

"I'll stop now," she replied. "We're actually moving, so you can get into a car crash now."

"I don't want to get into one."

"Good, I don't either. If you do and I die but you live, I'm haunting you." Her eyes flashed as she looked at him. "And if you try to haunt me if I'm alive but your dead, I'm exorcising you in the most painful way possible."

"I don't want to kill us both, so I guess we both have to live."

"Good thing we agree on that."

Xander realized he still hadn't put the earbud in. When he did, he realized his playlist was playing. His phone sat between them as music went through to both of them. Arei was looking out the window with that unreadable expression she had when she found out he had a lip piercing.

Xander wasn't sure what to think of it, but he had to drive right now. He wasn't risking any haunting from Arei. She could push anyone's buttons, but she would make for a cute ghost.