#but still healthcare pisses me off so much

[tilliwriteapine]

I think it’s safe to say my doctor will no longer write scripts for me. Because my insurance changed. So they won’t answer my MyChart message, nor actually send the script I asked for.

but I can’t see a new doctor until April (yeah I’m 99% sure I scheduled that in December, congrats!), so I’m not sure who is supposed to fill this script for me - no one will fill a script without seeing me first. My Metformin is fine - I had refills, so I transferred the script. But not my Wellbutrin. The one that keeps me sane, ya know?

Why is healthcare so broken :(

[deluluonmyback]

impulsivity in bpd can be cutting and dyeing your hair, but it’s also frying and destroying your hair to a point where it’s completely ruined and you’re self conscious of it everyday.

impulsivity in bpd can be having an attitude and saying some petty things to people, but it’s also ruining every good friendship and relationship you’ve ever had and you can’t stop yourself from sabotaging everything, so you end up alone in a deep pit.

impulsivity in bpd can be having some drinks, doing dr*gs, or having a lot of meaningless sex. but it’s also relying on drinking and dr*gs so much that you’re completely off your face all time and it ruins your image and every aspect of your life. and it’s also no one wanting a relationship with you because you “sleep around” or “probably have an std”.

impulsivity in bpd can be browsing an fps facebook. but it’s also stalking their every move online and their every step in the real world constantly because you need them so bad. you can’t live without knowing if they’re okay, knowing what they’re doing, knowing if they’re leaving you for someone else, etc.

the list goes on. us borderlines post a lot of shit about bpd, and in my personal case, laughing it off and sharing it to others makes me feel a bit better and i know that it makes others feel less alone knowing that other people are doing the same horrendous shit. but stop romanticising being obsessive, quirky, impulsive, and having an attitude. it’s fucking painful. the emotional aspect is PHYSICALLY painful. watching the world crumble around us because most of us can’t fucking stop ourselves is painful. the withdrawals from substances, s/h, etc because we are so prone to addiction is PAINFUL. i’m all for supporting our fellow borderlines and cluster b peoples, but STOP self diagnosing to be “trendy”. i’m not on about self diagnosing, etc if you’re certain and it means you’re getting the support that you absolutely need. everyone is deserving of help, whether healthcare wants to agree or not, EVERYONE deserves the help they need. but stop trying to make bpd sound fun. being euphoric is fun, the rest of it IS NOT. ITS FUCKING PAINFUL. thank u bye 💕

(ps. i hate making rant posts about this, but seeing people act like bpd is a “fun choice” in life pisses me the fuck off, every day is just pure fucking suffering. the people romanticising and hyping this shit up are the same people who will talk shit about any cluster b who is showing symptoms or having one hell of an episode. but this NEEDS to be out there x)

(edit: the amount of support i’ve had on this is unreal 😭❤️ i tried to word this the best i can but when i have a lot to say it often comes out making no fucking sense at all or something comes off the wrong way. i saw someone reply about the yanderes shit. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. i don’t know why the fuck people fetishise it, it makes me feel disgusting to have an fp even if i’m keeping as far away from them as possible. and also the “euphoric is fun”, i still do a lot of embarrassing and over the top shit when i’m euphoric that i regret. but in the moment, the happiness i feel i just embrace now because it’s not been often that i ever get to feel like that. thank you so much for the likes and reblogs, i really hope this post has helped y’all. I LOVE YOU ALL ❤️)

[michiviv]

flufftober, day 3: favorite scent, k. bakugo > the smell of him can calm you down in an instant.

warnings: healthcare worker reader, work day stress

authors note: i need a man who smells like him or smt... also dont like this much jajaj-- july me was crazy

work felt like it dragged on for years today. usually you're ready for the strenuous work but it was just patient after patient after patient— you were exhausted.

the day was rough too, when you went to work you stopped by a coffee shop just to find out they were closed. small things, doesn't matter, right?

you went to the break room and served yourself coffee from the break room when some guy bumped into you and made you spill your coffee.

dickhead didn't apologize.

you took a deep breath and decided to attempt to refrain your mindset, maybe he was stressed, overworked, overnight shift... so, we will move on.

as usual, patients can be... frustrating, refusing to eat, refusing to take their medication, it all happens but when they throw shit?  christ you just wish you could make them pick up everything themselves. a client, in a fit of anger and refusal to eat any food, threw their food towards the floor.

so you painstakingly had to clean up the spilled food, trying to keep a neutral face as to not give the patient the satisfaction of having pissed you the fuck off. then, of course, a medical emergency where you were called in due to an influx of clients causing you to miss your lunch break.

starving but still having to work, you ate while you filled your paperwork and as if to taunt you the computer decided to have technical difficulties causing you to take twice as long as you usually would've to complete the paperwork.

todays mission was to make it through without crying at work... and it was proving so hard right now when it all seemed to be going against you.

you let out a sigh as you finally walked through the door of your apartment. The stress of the day weighed heavily on your shoulders, making your entire body ache. You kicked off your shoes and tossed your bag aside, feeling too tired to care about where it landed.

the smell of the food that your boyfriend was making reaching your nose, causing you to seek him out in the kitchen.

"youre home late, you didn't text." bakugo spoke, his voice carrying the usual grumpy tone. Katsuki Bakugo, your boyfriend, looked up from the pan, his expression softening when he saw the exhaustion on your face.

"Yeah, it was a long day," you muttered, trying to muster a smile but failing miserably.

Bakugo sighed and opened his arm, pulling you into a side hug, his presence immediately starting to ease the tension in your body. He pulled you into a gentle hug, and you buried your face in his chest, inhaling deeply.

The smell of him—a mix of smoky, caramel and something uniquely Katsuki—washed over you. It was a scent that had always brought you comfort, grounding you even in the most stressful moments. Instantly, the chaos of the day began to fade away, replaced by the soothing familiarity of his embrace.

"You look like you've been through hell," he said softly, his voice rumbling in his chest.

"You have no idea," you replied, your words muffled against his shirt. "But this helps."

you hummed softly, pressing her head against his chest and looking at the pan of food. "what're you making?"

"Your favorite," he replied with a smirk. "Figured you could use something nice after a shitty day."

"Thank you, Katsuki," you murmured, feeling a bit lighter already. "I love you.."

"love ya' too, now go shower. wash the bad energy away or whatever the fuck mina says."

You chuckled and reluctantly pulled away from him to wash up, leaving his side with a kiss on his cheek.

After taking a cold shower to wash away the stress of the work day, you felt slightly more human. You returned to the kitchen, where Bakugo was plating up the food. The sight and smell of the meal made your stomach rumble, and Bakugo chuckled.

"Hungry, huh? Sit down. I'll get you some tea, too."

You sank into a chair at the table, watching him move around the kitchen with ease. It always amazed you how someone so fiery and intense could be so gentle and caring when it came to you. He placed a steaming plate of food in front of you, followed by a cup of your favorite tea.

You took a bite, savoring the flavors and the warmth spreading through your body. "This is amazing," you said between mouthfuls. "You always know how to make things better."

"Damn right I do, i'm amazing," he said with a smirk, sitting down across from you with his own plate. "Now, tell me about your day."

As you recounted the various frustrations and challenges you faced, Bakugo listened intently, occasionally grumbling in sympathy or making snide comments about the people who had annoyed you. His reactions made you laugh, easing the heaviness in your chest. Momentarily, you were also thankful he didn't know the dickhead who knocked the coffee out of your hands.

When you finished eating, you took the empty plates to the kitchen to wash them. As you washed the dishes, Katsuki stood behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist before resting against your neck, taking a deep breath.

if any of his friends saw him right now, he would never hear the end of it.

"Do that later, let's watch something," he suggested, guiding you by the waist to the couch.

As the two of you settled onto the couch, he grabbed the remote and pulled you close. You snuggled into his side, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest and the familiar scent that always calmed you. As the TV flickered to life with a cheesy sitcom, you felt the last remnants of the day's stress melt away.

"You're my lucky charm, you know that?" you whispered, looking up at him with a grateful smile.

"Tch, you're just saying that because I feed you," he teased, but the softness in his eyes betrayed his tough exterior.

"Maybe," you said with a chuckle, snuggling closer. "But I mean it. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Bakugo tightened his arm around you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "You'll never have to find out," he murmured. "I've got you."

[sniigura-archive]

I have been wondering, in the Adam College AU, what if the Reader really got pregnant? How would he react?

Keep up the good work!

thank you so much!!!! ok actually i have been thinking about that too so like thoughts under the read more

tw: talks of abortion and pregnancy

in adam’s mind, if the reader really did fall pregnant, there would be only 2 solutions: abortion or having the child.

he wouldn’t like the idea of giving the child up, since i do image adam wanting to have children one day!

i do think that adam would be lowkey unhappy with both options 😭 you can’t make him happy either and it’s your body your choice! so ignore him

since he also knows he’s unhappy no matter what he will literally let it all 100% be your decision. which can be annoying since adam always gives his opinion no matter what and now he doesn’t say anything??? he tries to be supportive in that way but it would be piss me off personally susbdk

(„well what do you think i should do????“

„do whatever the hell you want“)

you choose to not have the child? that’s cool, adam will literally take care of everything for you if you want. he will try to be extra nice to you during that time. he over compensates a lot with his emotional unavailability by buying you lots of stuff. i do feel like he would not initiate anything sexual after that, you have to make the first step. which could also cause issues by you thinking he’s mad at you for getting pregnant because it does take 2 😭 and adam does express affection through physical touch/sex

you want to keep the child? ok cool. you guys have like 9 months to prepare so that’s goodish! adam would be very insistent on marriage where it’s like 🤨 they invented the word slut literally for this man. he also would move you in with him so fast. marriage he would also get you into by talking about putting you on his super fancy healthcare where like. yeah. giving birth is expensive….so now you’re married and pregnant and you’re still in college. i do image in my story that they’re all like seniors/in their last year of college. so you could still be able to get your degree, which is a relief lowkey. adam would stay home more and more with you the further along you are. he reads stuff up about labour and parenting in secret.

i do feel like, no matter the choice, that’s something that could make or break a relationship. it’s all about communication and adam is literally the anti communicator. so there’s that. no matter what you personally choose tho, he tries his best to be supportive, even though it doesn’t always feel like it

[pokegyns]

some thoughts:

i think radical feminism is antithetical to transgender ideology. i think we should still treat trans people as people and not be disgusting towards them, but trans ideology is still inherently misogynistic and patriarchal. so i don’t understand “trans inclusive radical feminism”… what are we including? people who believe sex based oppression isn’t real? people who believe in “trans misogyny”? people who “identify” with gender roles that have oppressed women for centuries? people who medicalise gender nonconformity? people who believe homosexuality is bigoted?

these ideologies don’t belong in radical feminism simply because they are anti feminist. so therefore radical feminism is inherently trans exclusionary and i refuse to believe that’s a bad thing.

obviously detrans women and women experiencing sex or gender dysphoria who aren’t trans aren’t included as trans ideologists i’m talking about.

there is so much misinformation and stigma surrounding transness on radblr, and just lack of information. it can be confusing being on the outside looking in! as a detrans woman who's often assumed to be firmly against transition, instead of how i'm highly critical of it and want safety measures within the community to be put in place to prevent detransitions and unhealthy transitions and misplaced identification... i think it's very easy to forget that dysphoria is a mental disorder and trans rights are a mix of gnc rights and disability activism / mental health advocacy. and as most of us know, radblr has a HUGE problem with rampant ableist ignorance.

the trans community is split in two, with some sharing both sides.

there's the dysphoric side, where there needs to be discussions on how to manage a complex disorder and not shame people for trying out different healing treatments. i want to erase the stigma of people with disorders, dysphoria included, choosing treatments that at times carry risks. this can be pain medication with potential addiction, or transition treatments or psych meds that potentially come with side effects and just might not help you in the end. i also hate how neurodivergent/mh communities can turn toxic fast, but i still am glad people can share their experiences with others, find people's stories in battling a disorder and gain more mental stability. this includes dysphoric people for me. as a physically and mentally disabled woman, my dysphoric trans activism is also my disability activism. and my detrans side gives me a complex perspective, because for me, it turned out to be the wrong treatment. some people are anti-psych because meds fucked them up instead of helping them. i am psych critical, because meds saved my life.

i am all for them exploring their treatment options, physical transition included, as long as they're educated on the risks and prepared for potential reverse dysphoria. the tra community handles that in a SUPER inappropriate, unhealthy, and honestly dangerous way and they're shooting themselves in the foot bc they don't push for better healthcare, leading to more detransitioners, leading to more trans stigma.

now on the other side, the term trans (and nonbinary, since not all nonbinary ppl identify as trans) for some can simply be a label to find likeminded gnc people, enjoy a punk-adjacent subculture focused on breaking gender roles and pissing off the patriarchy, and simply enjoying crossdressing and using terms that makes them happy.

dysphoric people still exist, and dysphoria is debilitating. it's a complex issue. for some, dysphoria is more neurodivergent, and it just is stubbornly staying and so they look for more intensive treatments. for others, it's more like a mental illness, and the condition can be treatable and may come from gender roles. and even if a specific person had a root cause for their dysphoria that relates to the patriarchy, i still wouldn't judge them for transitioning if it seems like it's just not going away no matter how hard they try. just like how i'm wary of people going on hardcore, addictive pain meds, or try treatments that come with risks for their physical health, but i know it helps many people and i don't want the option off the table. they are suffering. i care deeply. i fucking hate reverse dysphoria, but i hate ableism even more. i hate the stigma of disorders and the shaming of mentally ill & neurodivergent people, people with mental disorders, including dysphoria as is listed in the DSM.

i know the trans community is confusing. frustrating. often immature. people who are mentally suffering are often not in the right mind to do realistic, down-to-earth activism, but god knows they try and like in neurodivergent activism spaces it can get unhinged in a unique kinda way. we can call out their sexism, their homophobia, their misogyny, without resorting to ableism and transphobia - aka, what imo is a mix of ableism and gncphobia.

dysphoric people deserve healthcare reform. tras keep fucking things up for homosexuals and female/afab people and just make fools of themselves. radfems, esp non-detrans bio women, are often out of touch when it comes to trans issues.

it's easy to resort to extremist views on these things. it can be easier to embrace black-and-white thinking. but it's not the way, trust me! there are grey areas. we need reform, not the destruction of transness being a concept at all, whether it be the gnc subculture or the dysphoric side of it. there are a fuckton of trans issues to tackle. it's okay to be frustrated, to feel hurt, to be worried, to think maybe transness shouldn't be recognized as anything and those people should just be poked out of it somehow. but you can't just force someone's brain to be neurotypical, or cis/non-trans, or take away labels that feel meaningful to some folks even if you find them silly. it's counterproductive. the trans community has a lot of flaws, but it's a puzzle that can be figured out! please hear out trans radfem & nuancefem voices on this as well <3

-mod pikachu ⚡

[aesthetic-day-dream]

I was planning on keeping this away from this blog, seeing as I want to use it as an escape and a place of good, but l've been so anxious and scared and mad about the current state of the world that I just need to rant about it.

This may sound ignorant or delusional, I don't know anymore, but l'm really hoping we end up okay. I've been telling myself that there's still a lot of good in this world. Good things are happening every day, but they don't get as much traction as bad things do in the news.

News media has become more and more focused on only spreading the bad over the years and I just refuse to believe that the bad outweighs the good. Call me childish, I don't care.

I feel as though I can't pray for answers because I don't feel as though I'm being heard anymore. I hope I'm wrong. I want to grow up. I want to get a head full of gray hair. I want to experience life and everything that comes with it. I want to find love. I want to buy my own house. I want to decorate said house with all the stupid, small little things that make me happy. I want to decorate for Halloween and Christmas. I want to see my nieces grow up and start families of their own. Aging is a privilege and it is something that I will never take for granted. I have been blessed in my life and I am eternally grateful for that. I know that others have not been as fortunate as me and my heart is entirely with them.

It’s childish to say that I wish we could all get along, but I don’t care. I have never understood the hatred that some people have for others who are different than them. We are all human beings. There has been too much hatred, bloodshed, war, and everything awful you could think of in this world. I hate that everything we stand for, everything people strain their voices for in the hopes of change goes unheard of by people in power. The people who actually have the money and ability to help our planet - the very same people who just don’t care. The money hungry, greedy politicians who make everything a political war to turn us against each other.

I just want to go outside and enjoy the weather. I want those around me to be able to do the same. Scientists have been warning us about Climate change for YEARS!!! It pisses me off more than anything that we have had the time to fix things and yet here we are. Why did no one listen?! Why didn’t they fix things before it all spiraled out of control?? Maybe this is the ignorant, delusional, hopeful part of me, but I really do believe we can fix things before it’s too late. It’s just, the people who really need to change their ways for this planet to get better just don’t care. They like to put the pressure on us, the little people, when it’s them who are the problem.

You don’t have to read this. If you did, I hope I didn’t cause you any anxiety or discomfort, but I needed to get my own feelings out.

I believe that we’ll be okay, but we need to actually take the steps to get there. I hope people start to listen, if anything good can come out of Hurricane Milton, I hope it’s that it opens peoples eyes to the traumatic state the world is currently in.

If you’re in the path of Hurricane Milton, I hope that you’re okay. If you couldn’t evacuate or stayed behind to be with your pets or loved ones or you’re a healthcare worker who stayed to help, I wish the best for you. Please stay safe💚💚💚

I’m not sure if I will see any damage from Milton yet, I’m hoping we will be okay. I’ll update later if anyone cares to know. Be safe out there! 💚

[drtanner]

God. I'm pissed off again and you're all going to hear about it.

Some of you may know that I'm finally in a position to get my top surgery done on the NHS. I've been on their waitlist for a full year and it's finally my turn! But god, they're being asses about my BMI.

Some context: If you're trans, you can get top and bottom surgery on the NHS, but they have some really strict rules about BMI. Most top surgeons and all surgeons who perform bottom surgery require your BMI to be below 30. A few top surgeons will take you if your BMI is below 40, but you'll have to travel to see them and appointments are limited and hard to get. Over 40 BMI and you've got no options. The stated reason for this is that it's supposedly harder to get good results if they have to excise too much fat during the surgery. I'll let you decide how plausible that really is.

My BMI is a little over 40, by about 3.5kg, so not a huge amount. My fat percentage is a bit under 34, so it's not that I'm terribly fat, I just have a lot of muscle and very heavy bones! The surgeon himself - as well as every other medical professional who sees me - was surprised at how heavy I am given my size when he examined me last year and took Before pictures. My upper body is actually very lean and they know this because they've seen me! However, they're still being shits about my BMI, because BMI doesn't discriminate between muscle and fat, or how broad someone is, or how heavy their bones are or anything else, and apparently that's the only metric they go by. I've always had difficulty losing weight, probably because there really isn't that much to lose, so being told that I've now got to find a way to lose at least 3.5kg by October or have my surgery date pushed back isn't ideal and I'm getting really strung out about it. I've spent most of the last 15 years trying to get my BMI down without losing the muscle I worked so hard to build up or cut my leg off with fuck all success. I've been stable at my current weight for most of the last decade but now I have to figure out how to drop down to 121.5kg within three months.

The amount of hoops one has to jump through to get access to any kind of trans healthcare is absolutely ridiculous, a direct result of all the stupid handwringing about "permanent, irreversible surgeries!!!" and so on, as if I can't make choices about my own body.

Only, all of this bullshit about my weight and my BMI reminded me of something else: About ten years ago, when I was also getting shit about my weight (again, despite not being terribly fat, just heavy!), I got referred to a weight clinic. After seeing dieticians and being put on a drastically restricted calorie intake to no avail, I got shuffled off to the weight clinic, where they did the same blood tests that my GP had done before she referred me, saw that they came back normal again, unsurprisingly, and then promptly offered me bariatric surgery.

This was presented as the only treatment they were able to give to help me with my weight loss, to cut out part of my stomach and staple it back together to make it much, much smaller, because they didn't believe me when I told them I was controlling my diet. Like, oh yes, you say you aren't overeating all the time, but just to make sure you can't eat too much, we're going to make your stomach tiny so that you physically cannot fit food into it anymore. I've never heard anything good about bariatric surgery from anyone who had it. Every story is a horror story, from people who can't eat without stomach pain anymore, or keep down anything heavier than soup anymore, or who suffered through all of this only for what little weight they lost to come back in a few years' time. That was the only help they were willing to offer me.

I got up and left, and didn't go back again after that.

So, contrast these two situations. On one hand, I'm grappling with the NHS over my top surgery for entirely stupid reasons because it's ludicrously difficult to access any kind of trans healthcare, but especially surgeries, because they're "permanent and irreversible!!!" and "you might regret it!!!!" or whatever. Meanwhile, they couldn't throw bariatric surgery at me hard enough, just because my BMI was high. Is cutting out a huge piece of my stomach to make it smaller not "permanent or irreversible"? Might I not regret that? Especially when there's no guarantee that it would achieve the desired result at all? I know what I'm likely to get from the top surgery, but somehow that's the one nobody wants me to have.

Anyway, sorry about the long post. It's a fucking dogshit situation and I'm fucking sick of it.

[cassiebones]

Speak No Evil (2024)

I have so much that I want to say about this film.

There will be spoilers.

First and foremost, Ben Dalton is THE MOST useless character I have ever seen in any horror movie ever made, and that is saying A LOT because have you SEEN some of the useless bitches in horror movies?

Ben is worse. Here is a list of his transgressions.

Loses his daughter's stuffed bunny (to be honest, I think the other family stole it, but still) and then criticizes her about having it in the first place like???? She's an 11yo with anxiety; LET HER HAVE HER BUNNY.

ALLOWS HIS 11YO DAUGHTER TO RIDE THE BIKE OF AN UNFAMILIAR MAN DESPITE HIS WIFE'S OBVIOUS DISCOMFORT. Like, Louise is clearly Not Okay with her preteen child getting on this strange man's bike, no matter how hot y'all think James McAvoy is. Even with his "family" right there next to them. YOU JUST DO NOT DO THAT. AND IN EUROPE OF ALL PLACES.

Just generally acting like his wife is overreacting every single time she doesn't feel comfortable with something weird this other couple does. And I think he only gets away with it partly because she feels so guilty about cheating on him. But she's reacting pretty normally for all the weird shit they're pulling. And he is obvs in love with Paddy (James McAvoy; legit had to look up the name).

There's a line that Paddy says when Ben asks him "why?" and it is actually super good: "because you let us." Because yeah, Ben is such a fucking pushover, but only when it comes to Paddy. Because he thinks Paddy is cool and because he's a bit in love with him, I swear to God there should have been a kiss scene. And, yes, Louise is also a bit of a pushover, but she's constantly receiving pressure from her husband and sometimes from her daughter and she has that cheater's guilt, so she's inclined to do what they want, unfortunately.

ALLOWS AN UNKNOWN MAN TO BABYSIT HIS CHILD. Like?????????? Louise is also guilty of this, but he convinced her it would be fine. Like no??? My mom and dad would have started packing immediately.

DOESN'T GRAB A HAMMER WHEN THEY ARE GETTING SUPPLIES TO FIX HIS TIRE. LIKE YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE ARE SHITTY AND MURDEROUS. TAKE THE HAMMER. BRAIN THE MANIAC.

He didn't do SHIT during any fight scene in this movie. It was all Louise as far as I remember. Literally. All he does is drive and hold a ladder up AFTER breaking his knee. He helps move some furniture for barricades but that is the bare fucking MINIMUM. Louise is the one that sprays acid in Paddy's face. Louise is the one that brains Ciara (creep wife) with a brick that ultimately kills her. Agnes is the one that stabs him with a needle. Agnes also finds clever ways to get her parents in private to talk by faking her period. And then ANT is the one who kills Paddy with a hammer. BEN DID FUCKING NOTHING.

That last thing - not killing Paddy - pissed me the fuck off. He could have at least done that one thing. This man has KILLED dozens of people and tried to take your daughter as a child bride AFTER trying to also kill you and you were just gonna let him live??? Poor Ant took out all his trauma with that brick. He's gonna need so much therapy which hopefully is covered by Britain's healthcare system because they live in London and, oh yeah, BEN HAS NO JOB. HIS WIFE QUIT HERS TO FOLLOW HIM. SERIOUSLY FUCK BEN.

There's probably more, but onto the movie.

This couple ignored way too many red flags. The first would have been Paddy (who was an abject stranger at the time, let's not forget) offering to give their daughter a ride. The daughter, Agnes, is eleven, let's not forget, and so probably doesn't have a strong concept of stranger danger, especially for the man who found her precious bunny, Hoppy. The Protagonist Wife, Louise, is uncomfortable with this (presumably because she is a normal human being and mother/woman) but Dad/Ben is like, yeah it's fine. They'll be right back. Look, his wife and child are here. Surely, he wouldn't abandon them.

Bro what

I mean he brings her back, but that's obviously just to build trust. I'm not sure how they continued to actually hang out with this weird af couple because I would have probably blocked them after the whole toilet paper debate IN PUBLIC because I'd be so embarrassed.

But that's just me.

This couple ignores so many red flags. And Ben pressures Louise into not acting like the normal human being that she is. Because he's in love with Paddy. Obviously.

On their first night at the Creep Family's house, Paddy force feeds Louise (a vocal vegetarian) meat. She is too polite to remind them that she doesn't eat meat. This is definitely another test.

Paddy convinces them to jump into a lake in their underwear which??????? They are wearing coats as they go on a walk. Is it not cold??? What the actual fuck? Red Flag

They invite them out to dinner and all three of them get dressed up in nice clothes, only to be told that the kids aren't coming with them and "hey look, it's our random neighbor with a tragic backstory who's gonna watch your preteen daughter and nothing bad is gonna happen at all, look he did a magic trick surely that means he's a swell guy, right?" Red Flag.

Once again, Louise is uncomfy, but Ben convinces her Agnes will be A-OK. Thankfully, she is.

They pull even more weird shit at dinner. Ciara pretends to give Paddy a BJ under the table and Ben and Louise just watch. RED FUCKING FLAG.

At some point, it comes out that Paddy and Ciara have been married for 17 years, which is insane because Paddy is so clearly much older than Ciara (sorry James, but you are aging, my friend) and Ciara doesn't look like she would have been legal SEVENTEEN FUCKIN YEARS AGO. R E D F L A G

While they're away doing that, Ant shows Agnes the watches and tries to make her understand, but he doesn't know sign language (or English, bc I'm so certain that his real parents were from a Norse or Germanic country) and she doesn't really get what he's trying to tell her, so it's all for nought. They move that one watch, though, and that raises a flag for Paddy later.

A red one.

Back at dinner, they saddle Ben and Louise with the bill. Another test that is failed. Also a major red flag.

Louise's cheating plotline comes out because Ben is being a lil bitch and I sort of understand why she cheated because this man is the definition of Small Dick Energy. They have some kind of convo and make up and go to sleep. Then she wakes up a few hours later and goes to check on her kid and finds her - gasp - missing!

So she goes searching and finally finds her in PADDY AND CIARA'S BEDROOM. My theory is that they drugged these kids because as Louise is pulling her daughter out of their bed (like a normal fucking human being), she is just so lethargic. She carries her to the other bedroom and places her down and she just flops over. She could be tired of course, but that's just very weird to me so I'm gonna throw down another red flag. Also I don't think Ant would willingly climb into bed with those two. Neither would Agnes.

So they leave for the first time.

Or they try to.

Agnes forgets Hoppy. I believe she dropped it in Paddy and Ciara's bedroom when she was being pulled out of their bed, but it could have been lost somewhere else. I just cannot believe that somebody who is so dependent and anxious without that bunny would actually forget it like that. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT MEANS THEY HAVE TO GO BACK.

Tbh, my parents would have kept driving and stuck to that "we'll ask them to send it" and if I had kicked the back of the driver's seat like that? I would not be alive anymore.

But of course, despite Ben being a dick about her bunny, he finally turns around and they go back.

There, he gets out of the car and tells them to stay and he'll be right back.

Do they stay in the car? No ofc not. It's a horror movie.

Louise doesn't wait like twenty seconds before she gets out, too, leaving her daughter. That's a red flag on her this time tbh.

They go in and talk to the family and Ciara says she was just trying to soothe Agnes because Louise wasn't coming (as if you have no idea where she was, bitch? please) and the family is placated and convinced to stay longer.

Fucking. Idiots.

Paddy takes Ben for a walk at some point and I cannot remember when but I think it may be after they come back. They scream into the woods, which is super weird and a lil gay tbh. I expect a kiss here, but I am disappointed. Sigh. Red Flag behavior.

Agnes and Ant show the parents their dance to Cotton Eyed Joe (a song about an STD that already has an agreed-upon dance, remember?) and Paddy just goes insane. Because of his meltdown, Agnes says she doesn't want to dance anymore, but Paddy convinces Ben who convinces her to dance again. Louise is trying to stand up for her daughter (because, once again, she is a normal human being and loves her child) but Ben is like "it wouldn't hurt" Fuck off, Ben. I hope Agnes goes no-contact with you as soon as she's old enough.

They start to do it again, but Ant is awkward and Paddy loses his shit. Again. So they stop. This whole scene is such a red flag idk how they didn't just leave. Especially after he throws something at Ant. Like???

There's also a scene where Ciara tries to parent Agnes and Louise is rightfully like???? Don't parent my child. And they make another BS Red Flag excuse. Fuck them.

Paddy goes and passes out bc he apparently drank too much and Ant sneaks in and grabs his keys.

This kids is smart as fuck, okay? He does EVERYTHING he possibly can to help this dumbfuck man and his family. He gets the key and plays horrible catch with Agnes, leading her into the basement of the shed where he finally shows her the horrible truth about his "parents", including a picture of him sticking out his tongue with his REAL parents behind him. Agnes, smart child that she is, understands immediately and then makes a plan with Ant to escape.

As she's coming back up the hill, she asks her Asshole of a Father to play catch and he's just like no I'm talking, so she goes and stabs herself in the thigh and pretends to get her first period, which obviously warrants her mother taking her into the bathroom to talk her through it. Then Agnes shows her the photos she took of the photo album and the shit really starts.

They try to escape, I'll give them that. If it hadn't been for fucking HOPPY the damn bunny, they would have been safe and sound (not Ant but tbh RIP). But nope. They make an excuse to leave bc this is a big moment for their daughter so they should be home now.

Nope. Flat tire.

They change the tire.

Hoppy is missing. It's up in the gutter ofc.

Ben climbs the ladder with Paddy at the base. Grabs bunny and throws it down before climbing down.

Oh no. Hoppy is destroyed pretty much. Mom says they'll get it fixed at home haha let's go!

Ben does a very nice thing and tells Ant to get the gate for them, presumably so they can take them with them when they leave. Unfortunately, Paddy has a remote for the gate. So they leave. Finally.

Agnes watches out the rearview window as Paddy just shoves Ant (who cannot swim) into their little pond. Ben, being decent I guess, jumps out of the car, telling them to drive away without them, and into the pond to save this poor, traumatized child.

I'll begrudgingly give him this one. It's the penultimate useful thing he does.

The last one is holding the ladder for them to climb from the house after his wife kills Ciara. He barely holds onto his daughter when she's about to fall off the room.

He. Is. Useless.

This is when the family drops all pretense and shit starts to go down. Louise is a Boss Ass Bitch for the majority of the time. She is the Brains, Brawns, and Badass in this relationship. Agnes is also very smart grabbing the needle and stabbing Paddy with it when he holds her hostage.

This is Ben's fault, by the way. When she climbs down the ladder, he tells ONLY HER to run to the car. Not stay with us so we can protect you. Run to the car when we have no idea where the homicidal maniac who has been nonstop trying to kill us is.

DUMB. FUCKING. BITCH. ASS. BEN.

Agnes paralyzes him, though, and they start to walk to the car. Ben stops to stare down at Paddy. He has a gun. The logical conclusion is to shoot him. Everybody in my theater is chanting "shoot him! shoot him! shoot him!"

Ben does not shoot him. I can practically hear his internal monologue going "it would make me the same as him" bc that's what so many dumbfucks SAY instead of doing what they should.

Ant does not have that internal monologue. His is more like "fuck this fucking motherfucker who fucking killed my motherfucking parents" but he cannot say all that so he just screams as he brains Paddy with a brick (probably the same one that Louise used to kill Ciara).

They watch in horror but, to their credit, they don't stop him.

Good. Green Flag.

That child is gonna need some serious therapy.

Anyway, they finally leave in their Tesla, which has bullet marks in the windshield so I cannot imagine how that's gonna look when they get back to civilization. Oh, btw, the bullet marks were put there by the guy who owned the restaurant they'd eaten at. He was also part of this whole thing. I do not remember what happened to him tbqh.

But as they drive away, shocked by the violence they just witnessed at the hands of their new adopted son, Ant stares straight ahead, numb. Agnes, ever the Empath, gives him Hoppy, as torn up as that poor bunny is, and he finally sheds some tears.

He is gonna need therapy. And Louise needs a divorce. Stat.

This movie was so fucked up, but I know it could have a worse ending.

Worse as in more bleak, not as if actually cinematically bad. The original ended the way it probably would have in real life, unfortunately. But they still have that line:

"Why are you doing this to us?"

"Because you let us."

Which is honestly fantastic. It feels like it's their justification for why they keep targeting these people. They're always wealthy. They force them, at gunpoint, to transfer all their money to them and then they kill the parents and the old child, and then they cut the tongue out of the new one so they can't say anything. Rinse and repeat.

But they do allow them to get away. They do allow them certain freedoms. They continuously push the boundaries of what each couple will take until they can't anymore. Then they strike.

"Because you let us" is such a great line because it is victim blaming at it's finest, but the audience who is watching this movie, seeing the dramatic irony of every boundary push forward, is almost inclined to agree with the antagonists.

Like yeah. You didn't have to go to this farmhouse.

But you did.

You didn't have to eat the meat because you're a vegetarian.

But you did.

You didn't have to pay for their dinner.

But you did.

So many times you could have said no, but you didn't. Because you didn't want to break societal norms and be rude, even though you were so uncomfortable. Because it's not that serious. But it was. You had so many chances to just walk away. You did, but then you came back and allowed yourselves AGAIN to be drawn in and have your boundaries crossed. And then it was too late.

Obviously, we, as the audience, know what is coming so it's so much more frustrating for us to watch them make these mistakes over and over again, but they don't. Still, the decisions they make are so questionable and it's a wonder if we, ourselves, wouldn't have made the same decisions.

There's another line in the film: "You give in when it's Paddy, but I see you have no trouble standing up when it's me."

Another reason why I despise Ben. He placates Paddy in all the ways he wouldn't do for Louise. She is visibly uncomfortable with so much, but he needles her into just accepting it. He pressures her into it. And, as previously stated, part of that acquiescence is her guilt over cheating on him, but it's also just him being a fucking asshole.

These characters are done so well.

James McAvoy, as always, embodies his character so well. He's in his thriller era and he's doing so well.

Mackenzie Davis is also amazing in her role. I feel like Louise's character was used to kind of being in charge of certain things, but her cheating thing is just making her more lenient to her husband, but she obviously like things done a certain way. And she has a lot of empathy and understanding toward her child.

Scoot McNairy plays Ben as this kind of not-tough guy. Like he obviously wants to be the leader of his family and has a complex. He idolizes Paddy for being very rugged and manly and wants to be like that (and also wants to be with dat ass). He is easily talked into doing shit because he thinks that's what he's supposed to do and doesn't want to upset his new (boy)friend.

Aisling Franciosi is really good at Ciara because it's so clear throughout the entire film that she is pretty much just an extension of Paddy. She probably wouldn't be there if Paddy didn't need her to play as his doting wife. She clearly has her own issues, which are probably borne from the fact that she is Paddy's first victim. She didn't deserve her life, but she certainly deserved her death.

The kids, Alix West Lefler (Agnes) and Dan Hough (Ant) were so good. Dan Hough had the hardest role in the movies because he couldn't speak and he had to act like he couldn't speak, but he also had to act like he was acting. He had to pretend to be their son while also trying to alert this family. And Alix was so good at Agnes, as a anxious little girl who is on the cusp of growing up, but still kind of socially anxious. She did it so well.

All the actors really acted their asses off for this film and I was very impressed. 10/10 honestly. This was a great film.

[irhabiya]

im still thinking about this one guy in my medical anthropology elective idk why his comment pissed me off so much but i haven't been able to get it off my mind.

we were having a general discussion about the intersection between healthcare and politics, who gets to be sick, who gets to be treated and who will never be either and this guy said something like "disease affects people regardless of their socioeconomic status. covid didn't exclude the rich for example" ... how can u be this fucking obtuse as a young adult i don't get it

[thecryptidart1st]

I was supposed to make this about 27 followers ago but

Thank you everyone for helping me reach 2500 followers :)

It’s been a wild year.

More important news under the cut! (in the form of a small rant)

This is a bit of a rant, but I appreciate all of you for hanging in there, but I feel like it’s important for me to share this:

It’s been officially a whole year since my longest friendship ended. Many tears have and continue to be shed; there’s some things I still feel guilt over and there’s a lot of things that piss me the fuck off to this day. And I still have mixed feelings towards my ex as a result. And it’s understandable, as it’s a wound that continues to heal slowly.

I used to worry a lot that I wasn’t being a good artist because I made a lot of art based on other people’s properties. I used to worry a lot about how Soldered Wires and The Orange Grove Boys would continue forward without my ex, cause I would run ideas with them on how to pursue the stories for both. I even worried that I would have to stop using Sammy because a lot of his character was built between the two of us (which I find it ironic given he canonically is a kid of divorce). I’m still worrying about one character in OGB because that character was based on my ex and their childhood experience.

But I kept drawing, because I realized that I was the one in control of the pen.

FNAF made me happy in times when I felt low and Michael Afton was my spirit animal, so I continued to draw FNAF. And when I felt ready, I brought Sammy back in.

And the story for Soldered Wires could be what I wanted it to go from here on out; I didn’t need anyone’s validation or guideline but my own.

And everyone who’s been following me is the result of me continuing to live my life and to keep drawing what I’m passionate about! And the positive response for The Orange Grove Boys is encouraging me to draw them again too :)

I think the best thing to come out of this breakup was the fact that I started to put myself first, instead of always putting myself second after everyone else; I finally pursued therapy, finally came out to everyone I loved, and finally embraced being Michael.

I’m still crying over what a huge relationship I had lost, and that’s okay because they were a friend since childhood. Did I miss them when I saw the Barbie movie or the FNAF movie? Absolutely! I was so worried of the empty seat next to me for a long time…

But I realize now that I opened up about my feelings to not only my family, but most of my other friends too…and when the time came, I found myself no longer worrying about the empty seat, but appreciating how many seats I had filled around me :) The highlight of my year was having almost a FULL ROW of friends and acquaintances next to me watching me freak out over the FNAF movie.

And now on this day, I can celebrate the first dosage of my HRT with them. After so much healthcare bullshit, I finally got the boy gel :)

It’ll be a long journey still for figuring out how masculine I want to appear, but I wanna thank you all for being here with me.

And I know these next few weeks are going to be difficult, as there’s going to be a death in my family very soon. So thank you all for being so patient when it comes to how often I post art for my main art blog, The Graveyard Shift & Vernal Lagomorphs as I grieve for my relative…

So once again, thank you all for being here, for engaging with my art, for helping me get through the heartbreaks and loss, and for being my support through my gender journey 💜💜💜 May another 500 peeps join us in watching me freak out over another FNAF game :P

-Michael / thecryptidart1st

[jacebeleren]

im soooo fucking mad i missed my ADHD medication evaluation appointment today because i have ADHD and i fucking forgot. i cant stop crying because i feel so stupid and im so angry. i literally requested today off work so i could have this appointment and i still fucking missed it. god fucking damn it. im so sick of how life-ruining ADHD has been for me. ive been stuck in several dead-end jobs because i barely graduated high school and i dropped out of college. ive wasted so much money paying for things and then forgetting about them or paying late fees for important things ive forgotten. i literally have a stack of several years of daily planners that ive never written in in my desk that my therapists / doctors kept telling me to buy instead of JUST GIVING ME THE FUCKING MEDICATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant get anything done i cant remember anything i literally dont have object permanence like a newborn baby. i got diagnosed in 2021 and im only now getting around to having an evaluation for medication because ITS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO KEEP A CALENDAR AND REMEMBER APPOINTMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and getting diagnosed was genuinely so embarrassing to me because of the tiktok quirkification of adult ADHD diagnosis. and while im glad i know now so i can at least try to get help i sometimes wish id never found out i have ADHD because thinking about how different my life couldve been if id gotten help sooner pisses me off so bad. and its not like im a person who didnt have access to get diagnosed until recently. ive been privileged enough to have really good healthcare my entire life and ive been in and out of therapy seeing therapists and psychiatrists since i was 10 years old and i got diagnosed autistic when i was 11. but no one ever fucking thought to have me evaluated for ADHD and i didnt know i could ask back then. they just looked at all my problems and said "youre clearly struggling but youre also too smart to need help. just do it." and then they watched me crash and burn instead of FUCKING HELPING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have a lifelong history of having so many mental illnesses and disorders but literally none of them make me violently hate myself as much as my adult ADHD diagnosis does. im so sick and tired of this. can they find a fucking cure for this shit. quickly

[hydeingpurples]

I had my first experience of 'trans broken art syndrome' the other day.

CW: mentions of genitalia and discrimination

'Trans broken arm syndrome' is a phrase used to describe a form of discrimination transgender people experience in a medical setting where the medical professional attributes one's symptoms to, asks invasive/inappropriate questions about, or refuses to treat the person because of one's transitional status.

I am female. I am a transgender man. I had a UTI (urinary tract infection). Easy fix. Either I piss in a pot and I'm given a short course of antibiotics, or I can take cystitis relief granules that you can buy off the shelf. Simple, right?

If a person with a penis gets a UTI, it may be a much more complex problem. I do not have a penis. So, I went into Boots Pharmacy and, vulnerably, stated that I thought I had a UTI. They predictably informed that 'this is something we can only help females with', so I followed up with, vulnerably, that I'm female and transgender.

As soon as I said transgender, their demeanour changed, replying, 'no I still can't provide this service for you, you'll need to see your GP' (of which I was miles away from and not able to get to for several days). The person next to her looked at her sadly, almost in disbelief.

Surprised, I got to another Boots Pharmacy. This time, I specifically look for the cystitis relief granules. Can't find them. A pharmacy staff member approaches me so I show them a photo of the cystitis relief granules that I'm looking for. She says, 'those are for females', to which I explain that I'm female, transgender, and have just been denied help at a previous Boots Pharmacy.

She. Was. Horrified. "I'm so incredibly sorry, they shouldn't have done that. They should have helped you." She gave me a pack of the relief granules and low and behold, I was absolutely fine.

This is something that a lot of transgender people experience. Yes, our experiences may be different to yours, but we still deserve medical help but non trans related healthcare things. Greater education and medical teaching and awareness need to happen so that we aren't denied care. It's very alarming and upsetting.

Note: obviously the original person can't have known what genitalia and reproductive organs I have. I understand that I'm on HRT. I understand that my experience is different. But she really did not want to seem to help as soon as I said I was transgender. It was an easy fix.

[9thbutterfly]

Look. I understand that we have a worker shortage. I understand that that it might be slightly eased by people working more hours.

But it pisses me the fuck off how part time workers are currently being vilified by our politicians. And I wonder how many of those people who are complaining about us lazy lazy part timers

- do their own childcare (or elders, disabled relatives etc)

- do their own cooking

- do their own cleaning

- commute and/or use public transport

(you know that "we all (don't) have the same 24 hours" post, right?)

And fuck it. Even if I didn't have a child and a household and a garden and a cat to take care of, I wouldn't want to work full time any more, and won't, as long as it's financially feasible. Because I also have a husband and friends and family I want to spend time with, and hobbies I want to do, and places I want to go to, and all of that matters too. Possibly more so than generating profit for someone. Like, yeah, there are jobs that are genuinely necessary, like healthcare, but seriously, there's so much that is just... not that important. Not to mention things the world would be better off without.

I mean, I have been the boss, and I have groaned internally when my employees wanted to reduce their hours, because it meant having to find more staff, and more training, and more complicated schedules, and more work for me.

But at the same time, I was so jealous, because I wanted to be able to do that too. And my biggest ambition was getting my team to a point where they could just do things without me for a while. And it does still make me angry that it all was taken away from me when we were finally getting closer to that.

But it is also freeing. I can just go home when my hours are up, and if the work isn't all the way done, it is not my problem any more. (And with that distance, it is also easier to see that it doesn't even *matter* that much, in the grand scheme of things. Most of what we sell are just things that are pretty, but not necessary.)

[butterflyinthewell]

The latest dad drama…

My dad is in the hospital and we get a break from him.

His hip is so severely bruised after his falls on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and then New Year’s Eve that he’s in agony and we can’t take care of him in this condition.

TW: emotional abuse, swearing, hospital mention

He kept falling partway off his bed between the mattress and the wall, waking us up all hours of the night to pull him back onto the bed, wailing in pain anytime we had to move him, and he was totally unable to sit up or stand and swing over to sit on his toilet commode.

Parkinson’s already limits his mobility, so any injury that makes him unable to handle his own weight or help us move him means we can’t take care of him. We had no way to get him out of the house except to call the paramedics to take him to the ER. They almost wouldn’t do it until my sister said “he has advanced Parkinson’s and he can’t help us move him around, we can’t take care of him like this.”

I tried to speak up and say dad’s needs are getting beyond us, that mom keeps hurting her back trying to deal with him and we need long term help, but both mom and my sister yelled at me to shut up. As always I got silenced and never got a chance to say what I needed to say. 🤬

Dad will be discharged from the hospital to a rehab facility for however long insurance will allow it and hopefully he will heal enough to be able to help us help him.

He should be in a nursing home, but my family is trapped in that crack of “too much income (a pittance from the government) to qualify for assistance of any kind, but not enough to afford any long term care” and I hate it so much.

I’m tired of useless “help” that still ends with us struggling to take care of him once a crisis passes. The way things are going we’re going to continue in this vicious cycle of fall, misery, hospital, rehab, home over and over until he finally dies, and I don’t know if insurance will keep covering that either.

This ER run didn’t make me panic because I know why dad had to go there and that it’s not life or death. There’s the COVID risk, but at this point I just don’t care if we all get sick anymore. I’m careful to wear my mask whenever I leave the house so I won’t spread it if I catch it, and will stay home if I end up sick from somebody else bringing it home. (I didn’t go to the ER with everybody.)

But we are tired and stressed out from dealing with dad day in and day out with no rest or break. This is a break we’re desperately in need of.

As much as his emotionally abusive ass pisses me off, I don’t want him suffering in pain like he was. He’s got pain relief and that’s what’s important to me.

I’m just grateful for a break and I think mom will be too once she calms down.

A part of me hopes a social worker looks at the situation and gives us options or some kind of loophole to get dad into long term care, but I won’t hope too hard. I know American healthcare is shit and they don’t care about disabled poor people at all.

Caregiving is a thankless slog and even the most loving person will slowly be destroyed by the nonstop stress of it. It hurts when you see how people pull away like you’re a plague. I’ve watched it happen to my family, it’s pretty disgusting, and it’s the most unfair to disabled people who aren’t getting the care they desperately need.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 6/13/2023

very games-centric week

listening

this opening bit samples bowie's life on mars and sounds like a piano cover of a half-remembered but still beloved childhood anime. like the kind you had a set of two VHS clamshells for but only episodes 4-6 and 10-12. it goes on the "lofi beats to data and entry to" playlist. spotify

-

reading

fallow week

-

watching

the folks at waypoint games, formerly vice's leftist games vertical, BOUGHT THE BRAND FROM VICE and are rebranding as remap. i wish them all the fuckin best and i hope they succeed but i feel like we have maybe six months of this before one of them goes literally bankrupt from a doctor's visit bc healthcare is such a fuckin nightmare in this country. im simply not excited for starfield. i am not interested in corporate nasa

anyway i enjoyed their commentary, excited for compulsion games' southern gothic action/adventure spellcaster South of Midnight

neutrally optimistic about obsidian's Avowed, bc i do love obsidian but i do not love sword and sorcery rpgs

there's airships in microsoft flight simulator so i may genuinely buy one month of gamepass to try that out

capcom's path of the goddess looks fucking gorgeous but i have never played more than half an hour of a capcom game and i expect i never will. is this topdown? is this isometric? what the fuck is the gameplay mode??? who could FUCKING say

also there's a new jersey fallout 76 expansion coming at some point. in real life i hate atlantic city and i don't really how know this will look or play differently from point lookout. i don't know if i want to play a much-reviled cash cow mmorpg just to get postapoc jersey lore. if this leads up to 5 being set in nyc im going to be real pissed off. go somewhere DIFFERENT. there are DIFFERENT PLACES on the east coast!!! blease

-

playing

viddy game can consistently turn my brain off enough that i forget im moving cross country in two weeks and can forcibly relax my body for twenty mintues at a time between packing boxes. so there's been a lot of pomodoro-ing, or my version which is: pack until i get so anxious i physically cannot pack anymore, go have a snack, go play twenty minutes of a video game, and then go pack until i am on the verge of a panic attack again. this is not healthy but all my books are packed. all of these were free on epic at some point btw which is why i own them

the first time i played Airborne Kingdom, i lost track of time and beat it in one sitting in eight hours. the second time i played Airship Kingdom, i replicated that exact experience. i have allied with all the kingdoms and have like two hundred souls on board but am not QUITE selfsufficient enough to take on the northern/artic sea DLC. stay tuned. soundtrack in this thing is great.

bounced VERY hard off Close to the Sun, a bioshock-lite i put about four hours/three levels into. a huge gilded age cruise ship where the science has Gone Wrong would normally be catnip to me, but the game did brutally kill the player character's sister in front of me in an unskippable cutscene so we're done with that game now THANK YOU. it is very slow, which i do like in a game that gives you this much stuff to look at, but there is no gamma control. this game is so fucking dark. i played it in a dark room with no lights and it was still too dark.

pinged off the typing exploration game Epistory despite its charming art, bc fast and accurate typing is something covid has taken from me.

rediscovered Carcassone (online) which is great bc i love Carcassone and own a physical copy of the board game but no one else in my life loves it. tile-building countryside-building game, seconds to learn, etc. thank you board game review even though there are no meeple in their natural habitat (the board) in this picture

-

making

it's gonna be putting things into boxes for the forseeable future (the next week) and then living out of them for a while (the next two weeks after that)

[celestie0]

ellie my love,

it is time i shower you in praise because god damn you DESERVE IT ALL 🥺

you deserve ✨ ALL ✨ the love and praise you get and you ✨ARE ✨an incredible writer.

god, i admire you so much, and it’s such a shame there are people out there that are making you feel less than you’re worth. it pisses me tf off, like seriously let me at em. 😤

people can be really inconsiderate unfortunately…it’s really not easy to write such a fleshed out story and yet you manage to do it with grace.

the amount of care and love you put into your stories is so fucking evident in the way you write, i can absolutely FEEL the love and the passion radiating from your stories as i read them.

i really hope these asshats don’t make you lose that passion 🥺 you literally have a gift, and they are ignorant to how hard it is to write.

the characters feel so real, the tension is built up beautifully, the dialogue is so organic and entertaining as hell. girl i literally fucking LIVE for the banter you write, i eat that shit up 🤭 i would read paragraphs of just that, i dun even need no smut that’s just a plus for me 🤷‍♀️ a little cherry on top.

i can imagine how much ihm means to you, considering that you’re a med student yourself. that itself makes the story even more incredible in my eyes because you are sharing a beautiful piece of your own life experiences and perspective with us.

just want to say…thank you for blessing us with your writing. i will always love and respect the work you do 🫶🏻🥺 im here for the long haul girl, always in your corner cheering you on.

much love 🫶🏻

- aly 💗

hi aly oh this is such a sweet message and i appreciate you so much for your kind words 😭 i can’t even really explain what it means to me, just know i feel like a PHYSICAL warmth in my chest upon reading this hahah

i’m so happy u can feel the love and passion from my stories :’’) i just was feeling so down yesterday bc of the anon ask (and i got another similar one too which i initially deleted n then when i got the second one i was like 😃 ok it’s on sight…no more mr nice guy LMFAOAOO) but yea like i just really felt like oh my efforts must be goin nowhere if ppl still want smut so bad 💀 so to hear your praise like this i really don’t know what i did to deserve but i’m so grateful for it 😭…i know how passion can be such a fickle thing, and i definitely don’t want to lose it to ppl that don’t deserve the time of day. but i feel so replenished w passion after reading this!!

HAHAHA i’m so happy u enjoy the banter pls i have like a gigantic doc of JUST banter written for ihm 😂 they rlly be quarreling like toddlers. and yes :’’) i wasn’t a nurse but i did work the night shift as an emergency department scribe while i was in college and also worked at an oncology clinic, and like even though reader being a nurse n her mother being sick are technically “side plots” to the romance, i still feel so therapeutic in getting to channel some of my opinions of healthcare and my experiences w it as well, esp as a future physician

thank u, omg, i just feel really wonderful to know that i have you as a reader! it’s such an honor, seriously

sm love -ellie!!