#but sometimes I just want human contact
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reginageourge · 1 year ago
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it's evil that my deepest and most favourite romantic interest is from england
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prismaticsaltedink · 9 days ago
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Scoria and Sakura are best friends! It's so cute when I see the things they do together, and it makes me so beyond happy that they both came to live with me so that they could share their lives with each other. They absolutely insist on it, and does so much good for the other.
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I can't imagine how else they could have found happiness if things hadn't worked out exactly as they did. Scoria has basically been Sakura's "emotional support snake" while she worked through things from her past I'll never fully know that caused her a lot of issues with panic and fear. Sakura knows this too, and looks out for her sister, the only one she truly trusts and feels completely safe with.
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The moment they wake up they both want each other to snuggle and play with. Scoria loves to be affectionate with both me and her sister who seems to have not had this earlier in her life- but Scoria is showing her how nice it is not only directly but demonstrating with me and Sakura also trying, copying what she has seen her sister do.
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Sometimes when one goes to check on the other they'll join in on... I'm not even sure what they were doing. But they had a good time while taking a mandated union break from digging tunnels for the isopods.
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So happy I get to share in the adventures of these two best friends! It makes me so happy to see them living their best lives together, and being beyond content snuggled together with their found family.
#cute#pets#snakes#friends#animals#I think Sakura tried copying Scoria and didn't quite get the full memo#So she went down the front bark and Scoria went down the back which leads into diggy dirt#And Sakura was like#“I followed friend into bark but where is friend???”#Meanwhile Scoria was probably oblivious her little sister was trying to find her & she may was well have her front half going into a portal#Eventually they found each other fully#And were very clear they prefer their home far more than this enclosure they helped build tunnels for#I'm glad to know they like their home#While I do want to make it more aesthetically pleasing#the current focus was filling it with things they enjoy#Specifically things they have a lot of fun playing with or on#I want their home to be the place they feel safe but also enjoy being in#not a prison#a bedroom#I think they like their enclosure but they sometimes don't want to go in it because they also really enjoy spending time with me#Scoria really does#but also communicates effectively when she is sleepy from playing and needs to rest#as much as they love each other when they go to sleep for the night they sleep alone#even with the option to stay near each other#I think this is nature rather than something I taught them by separating them into their own enclosures after play time#which makes me wonder if humans classified them as solitary just because they don't want room mates#like plenty of people i know choose to live alone but that doesn't mean they are introverts/solitary#I wonder if wild hoggies sleep alone (not counting brumation) and their social lives outside their den was completely ignored#Like I bet they live in a neighborhood or kingdom or whatever you want to call it#The fact they can communicate“I'm friendly let's be nice to each other”indicates a species that regularly comes into contact with each other
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toastermelody · 5 months ago
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Qualia sisters designs GO (ft shitty mockups of their donut designs)
#i wanted to do more with the comic thingie but i soooo eepyyyy#adhoc labs#fandroid#melody qualia#harmony qualia#rhythm qualia#treble qualia#i randomly started thinking about them and now i need to develop all of them and their relationships#harmony is the eldest and falls into the trap of becoming really overprotective and overbearing#especially after humanity collapsed or whatever the fuck happened in the timeskip#she knows melody had been sneaking off to adhoc for a while and was NOT happy about it#but melody is a slippery one and kept sneaking out anyway#after or sometime during the timeskip she started to spend more and more time at adhoc waiting for fandroid to wake up#harmony couldn't leave qualia because. shes the eldest. she's got rhythm and treble to watch after her.#harmony argues with beepo to let her call through adhoc for a while before he lets her#and melody isnt happy about this (on top of the whole my best friend is in a coma deal)#she gets into a nasty fucking argument with harmony that ends in tears and a blocked contact#after a while the radio silence from melody DOES start to get to her#but beepo won't let her back in as per melody's request#(i also hc melody and bpo friendship real during the timeskip hehehaha)#and when 404 starts being 404#beepo cant even deny her requests to access because hes too focused on the bot raising hell#which starts to freak harmony out AGAIN because now shes getting radio silence from basically the embodiment of adhoc#i just think this character with little to no canonical content is neat#together they can make wonderful music but melody doesn't need them because fandroid can compose just fine#but the other three can't without melody#a choir never complete#anyway treble is transfem aaaand post
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eggbagelz · 1 year ago
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gale voice here feel the pulse of the magic in my heart that will eventually be the end of me. im on my knees before you like an animal showing its belly. im in excrutiating pain bc of the contact with the magic in my heart but please dont take your hand away please dont stop touching me
#gale of waterdeep#paydja plays baldur's gate#the relationship a lot of the companions have with their bodies is fucking fascinating#but gale and karlach's relation to their heart and to human contact is particularly compelling#i cant say who has it worse bc thats a stupid comparison to make when they both have hearts that could literally detonate at any moment#[ik that karlach cant do human contact at all and gale cant but im talking abt emotionally significant contact which is smth they share]#but rn im focusing on gale ill talk abt karlach later#hes so interesting like hes initially played as arrogant but i think that whole thing with mystra#really fucked him up bc he talks abt himself like hes. not a means to an end per se but u get the gist#you can see the way he talks abt sense and sensuality and emotional connection but as soon as you actually offer it via flirting or just#genuine compliments hes always surprised and always changes the subject#partially out of like. emotiona damage and partially bc he doesnt want to go boom#ANYWAY WHAT IM SAYING IS hes in pain bc of the contact being made with the magic that makes up his heart but#by god please dont take your hand away. please dont stop touching him. please#i hate this fucking game i hate it so much#chattering#sorry for the analysis it WILL happen again#im talking abt gale rn bc hes my favourite and currently the character i know the most about via gameplay#but there is PLENTY i can say abt everyone#god i keep saying this but its like why are you so good sometimes and also so bad. fucking Larian.
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itspileofgoodthings · 11 months ago
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one of my fave things about teaching is that I’m NOT a counselor and I don’t have to get into the weeds with a student but also I’m part of their life every day and i see when they’re struggling and I can ask how them how they’re doing and make sure that they know I see them on a steady, daily basis and it will be healing for both of us
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lloydfrontera · 3 months ago
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i think it fucks immensely that bk moon went out of his way to 1) establish rakiel wished to live a long life and eventually pass away of old age, 2) have him very briefly envy an immortal being only to be told very clearly to be careful what he wishes for by that very same person because living forever isn't all it's cracked up to be, 3) make the main antagonist be another immortal being who is so desperate to die he's willing to destroy the universe just to finally rest and 4) have said antagonist psychologically torture rakiel with the threat of making him live for a thousand years as everyone he loves and knows eventually grows old and dies and becomes nothing but forgotten memories.
only to then end the novel by making rakiel also immortal
like. god. it's so fucking good i love it. i'm not being sarcastic i genuinely think it fucks and it's one of the best ways bk moon could've wrapped up the plot.
it's a happy ending by all means but it has consequences and through the entire novel we've been shown and told over and over again just how heavy the consequences are and/or will be on rakiel.
he got his happy ending but it was at a price and by the last time we see him he's only just starting to pay for it.
it's great i love it
#i talk a lot <3#cpsm#cpsm spoilers#rakiel magentano#i also think it's funny that this puts bk moon in the very awkward position when it comes to his 'romance' with adeline#because either rakiel allows her to remain human and sees her grow old and eventually die just like acheros threatened him with#(and like he will do with absolutely everyone he loves anyway <3)#or he keeps her alive and frozen in time just like acheros wanted to do with him forcing her to be cut off from the world#in most ways that matter and see the people she loves grow old and die. again. just like acheros threatened to do with him :)#like. either way. the situations sucks for them <33#i do think it's cheap if he can make her immortal without it being a big deal. because. why wouldn't it be.#it would be absolutely broken if absolutes can just. make people immortal for funsies whenever they want. that would be bad writing.#but again i also think it's cheap that he made alicia an angel for no other reason than bc someone needed to remind us lloyd is married#to a woman actually. like. she doesn't even do anything why did you ruin the absolute tragedy that is being an immortal being surrounded#by very mortal humans just to make awful 'my wife is annoying' jokes. i hate you.#sigh. it's lose/lose when it comes to women with this man and his choices.#either they're fridged to make his male characters sad or they become the butt of misogynistic jokes. i cannot fucking win.#ANYWAY. do i think any of this was on purpose? maybe idk i certainly hope so and want to believe it is because otherwise it would be#too much of a coincidence but like. this is also the man who wrote a character very explicitly and clearly wishing to live a quiet life#with his family in his middle-of-nowhere estate where nothing ever happens with no contact at all with royalty and court#so he can laze about and do absolutely nothing. and then married him to a queen who cannot stand lazy people and squeezes the last bit#of talent of everyone around her. and he saw nothing wrong with this. so like. i genuinely cannot tell with this man sometimes 🙃🙃
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radiotorn · 3 months ago
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there is somethng a bit sad about how often my parents will like.e positively talk about how much they "protected their peace". like my dad does not have a single irl friend he hangs out with. my mom has like. one maybe two friends and one of them she sees only Sometimes (became friends with her bc their sons are friends, wouldnt have become friends w her w/o that) and her other friend she sees. every other few years. like ummm ... i dont think you protected your peace i think you are alone now ...
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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lordiavolo · 2 years ago
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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.
when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.
but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.
#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL#ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as#possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch#i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my#peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts#i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont#even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a#part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know#there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem#for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes#im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times#anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better#than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be#that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a#good person it is within ur hands i promise u#ok love u goodnight#personal
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salsflore · 1 year ago
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been almost 3 yrs and i am still struggling with the whole mikachi first meeting thing. bye
#for zl its something simple. i just saw cute fanart of it with another ship [ p sure it was someones 2 ocs ] and enjoyed the idea#i lost my black umbrella irl but tbf it doesnt really matter because i always fucking forget to bring it anyways. so sometimes i get caught#in the rain. so idk zl lends me his umbrella bc. fuck! heading in the same direction and is like hey loser . . let me help you . .#cue immediate heart eyes bc handsome stranger helped her. like Wow Yuo Are So Cool... ♡#afterwards she mentions this interaction to her friend [ yun jin or hu tao .. unsure but they are both so silly so its hard 2 decide ] and#then they are like wait i know that grandpa you're talking about! let me set you up lalala theres this whole thing i'm lazy#i'll write about it Maybe bc i do want to write for my platonic f/os. and also cover all the [ firsts ] in my self ships#its just: i don't like feeling obligated to stick to things (like a series or theme or whatever) so maybe not. would be nice though..#nobody in this world is allowed to laugh at me i'll die#as for childe my plan was he breaks into her house and then shes like wtf who r u?!! they make eye contact and kiss + get married asap#no actually i truly dont know. zl's is slightly easier because he lives a mortal life. just chills#has connections with a lot of the liyue chars. literally just enjoying his retirement era now#ajax doesn't have many connections ( other harbingers but they dgaf about each other i think x ) and i just cant imagine that. idk#just fucking. bumping into him would lead to anything. maybe i should turn into a fish and have him fish me up and then i transform into a#girl and then we fall in love what do you guys think (losing my grip on humanity)#💭#mika ♡ ajax#mika ♡ zhongli
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anachronistic-falsehood · 2 years ago
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question for the mutuals: i do have a discord. i do not use it much and chances r i would b too nervous to actually speak 2 anyone at all ever in my life. would anyone. want my discord anyway??
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autumnalreaper · 2 years ago
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i love my friends, i really do, but my introverted ass does not want to hangout everyday after work. i work with my friend, i see her every day at work, we eat lunch together, and every day she wants to hangout after work. like i love her but miss girl, don’t you ever just wanna go home and sit around in your comfy clothes and enjoy yourself in peace without having to entertain ppl?
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ryoki-ph · 2 years ago
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(with tears in my eyes, starting to cry, hunched over), peace and love on planet fucking earth. i love you all
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insanechayne · 5 months ago
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~ ~ ~
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steveyockey · 5 months ago
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To be aware you might be trans but unwilling to do anything about it is to create endlessly bigger boxes within which to contain yourself. When you are a child, that box might encompass only yourself and your parents. By the time you are a gainfully employed adult, that box will contain multitudes, and the thought of disrupting it will grow ever more unthinkable. So you cease to think of yourself as a person on some level; you think not of what you want but what everybody expects from you. You do your best not to make waves, and you apologize, if only implicitly, for existing. You stop being real and start being a construct, and eventually, you decide the construct is just who you are, and you swaddle yourself up in it, and maybe you die there. There is still time until there isn’t.
This reading of TV Glow’s deliberately anticlimactic, noncathartic ending cuts against the transition narrative you typically see in movies and TV, in which a trans person self-accepts, transitions, and lives a happier life. Owen gets trapped in a space where he knows what he must do to live an authentic life but simply refuses to take those steps because, well, burying yourself alive is a terrifying thing to do. The transition narrative posits a trans existence as, effectively, a binary switch between “man” and “woman” that gets flipped one way or another, but to make our lives so binary is to miss how trans existences possess an inherent liminality.
Humans’ lives unfold in a constant state of becoming until death, but trans people are uniquely keyed in to what this means thanks to the simple fact of our identities. You can get lost in that liminality, too, forever trapped in a midnight realm of your own making, stuck between what you believe is true (I am a nice man with a good family and a good job, and I love my life) and what you know, deep in your most terrified heart of hearts, is real (I am a girl suffocating in a box).
And yet if you want to read the film as being about the dangerous allure of nostalgia, you’re not wrong. I Saw the TV Glow totally supports that interpretation, too! But in tempting you with that reading, the film creates a trap for cis viewers that will be all too familiar to trans viewers. Somewhere in the middle of Maddy’s story about The Pink Opaque being real, you will make a choice between “This kid has lost it!” and “No. Go with her, Owen,” and in asking you to make that choice, TV Glow is simulating the act of self-accepting a trans identity.
See, the grimmer read of the film’s ending truly is a nihilistic one. It leaves no hope, no potential for growth, no exit. Yet you must actively choose to read that ending as nihilistic. If you are cis and the end of I Saw the TV Glow left you with a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, a weird but hard-to-pin-down feeling that something had broken, and a melancholy bordering on horror — congratulations, this movie gave you contact-high gender dysphoria.
In an infinite number of possible universes, there is at least one where I am still living “as a man,” embracing my fictionality, avoiding looking at how much more raw and real I feel when I “pretend” to be a woman. I think about that guy sometimes. I hope he’s okay.
Consider, then, my cis reader, that TV Glow is for both you and me, but it is maybe most of all for him. I hope he sees it. I hope he breaks down crying in the bathroom afterward. I hope he, after so many years locked inside himself, hears the promise of more life through the hiss of TV static.
Emily St. James, “I Saw the TV Glow’s Ending Is Full of Hope, If You Want It to Be,” Vulture. June 4, 2024.
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titlishu · 10 months ago
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my only wish in life is to be a fictional character
#its kinda insane but like. i already dont feel real. like i havent felt real since a long time and LISTEN#if i was a fictional character. it would make so much sense. ykwim.#like im not Sad im nust. not anything atp. im nothing BUT if i was a fictional character. it would make so much sense#also like??? imagine being percieved by people you have never met. imagine being written. imagine art being made of you.#like nit just the ego boost but ive been thinking about how like. if these characters were real it would defest the whole purpose of them#and all of this love we have for them will always be unknown to them#but like the thought of wanting to be a fictional character in someones story is so. like i#deep DEEP yearning to be a character. just not real. im not even kidding the whole of december and now january this is all#ive wanted#like at first i was like. i dont feel real then it pipelined to i wish i wasnt real to i wish i was a fictional character who's story has#been written already. ykwim?#i may sound crazy rn but i dont CARE i had to get this out#like im sick of being. an author and not the character. im sick of being the creator and not the creation. yk?#is this how god feels sometimes#man...#i also have Noticed that sometimes i talk about human beings as if I'm not one#like i think abiut how interesting humans are and i say it like im an alien that has just made contact w earth#LIKE most times i feel like im not real and it really is like. what the fuck. where am i supposed to be then. yk?#like i dont feel. misplaced but i also dont have a place here. i dont belong anywhere tbh#like. an unwritten future. author unknown. a letter without an address or purpose#this is so. like i dont know how else to say it and get it out there but i just had to cause i#cant just keep Thinking About it by myself ik noones gonna read this but atleast#like if its. written or typed out then it would be more real. more of a record of this. even though my existence (or lack thereof) is#already proif enough#sigh#titli tag#ishworry
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