#but sometimes I find myself forcing myself to have the same opinion as her

[itzzzzzzyyyyydaaaaa]

it’s a long rant btw…so you can stay or not.🙂

ykw fuck it. it’s MY blog i can say what i wanna say.

March 22nd 2024 was the day Alexey came into my life and we got together a week or two after we met. At the time, we were both very scared to ask each other out because we both wanted to get to know each other. After some time, i asked her to be my girlfriend.

Which was March 22nd. We started calling, playing games, and texting non stop unless she was busy. Which, i get. But us being clingy, we always messaged each other until one of us replied. Sometimes HOURS would go by and still have 20+ messages from one another.

Then while dating we got to know each other more like, our real names, or what we really were like outside of tumblr. And it was a nice thing to know about. We really shared common interests and liked a lot of the same things.

Now, during all this, she would get very sick during car rides and she couldn’t be on the phone too long cs she would get dizzy. Once she got home we would text, or send pictures of each other to save or to just make each other smile. Sometimes i would sleep almost half past noon, and would wake up to one or two pictures of her.

No. We weren’t a perfect couple. We had our small arguments, and we had our really full blown out arguments to the point where it was “No i don’t want to” when we would ask each other something.

And that’s okay! Because if you don’t have an argument, most of the time…it’s not healthy. But that’s just my opinion. Yeah yeah yeah. I know we all say “Oh my god she showed me true love” … “She taught me-‘ NO. Alexey really did show true mother fucking love to me. Because she treated me a way that no one else had ever treated me. And that’s what made me fall for her even harder.

During the summer, i fucked up and got grounded and was told i would never get my phone back. I was so pissed with myself because i knew i was going to lose Alexey.

Then Come August, i was able to use my friends tumblr and talk with Alexey during school hours which, was a little bit hard…Got caught about 5 times with a phone…

And then…when i thought things would get better just after our 6th month anniversary….

September 27th, 2024…

i opened up tumblr to a break up message. My heart shattered and i cried at school. Begging and pleading asking if i did something wrong that i would and could fix it. Anything and everything just to keep her… just to have her…

It was school. School was getting harder for her since she had finals and i understood that. It just didn’t help the fact that it still hurt. That night, i messaged her and was talking to her until she just went complete radio silent. It was already 1 in the morning for her. So i just brushed it off and said “Maybe she fell asleep. She’ll msg me tomorrow!”

Boy was i so wrong..

Two weeks later i find out her dad found out about us. Forced her to give him her phone, and he broke it. and for about a month, i was speaking with her friend Artu. He is the sweetest boy i’ve ever met. And when we would call while she was at school he would always say

“Hey girl that’s dating my gay best friend” And never “Hey Ari” And the name stuck. It wasn’t until he started msging me telling me what was going on. They made Alexey switch schools. Good thing was Artu and Alexey had the same Art class at a certain location. So he got to see her every now and then. And that’s how i would get info about Alexey.

Then i got my phone back for a little bit till i fucked up again.

February 11th, 2025.

Alexey deactivated her account.

February 16th, 2025.

Just 5 days later…i found out she deactivated

i have missed her since then. Not as much as i do now. I recently went on spotify and saw she updated her profile. She had not touched it since we broke up.

So i changed my name to “Alexey come back please” last night. This morning. I woke up to her following my second account

so to try and get her to come back so we can talk again, i changed my first account to “Alexey(her real name)comebacktomepls”

and i made a playlist that has my pinterest account. And to know that its rlly her, i put on their for her to msg me my real name.

I have had so much anxiety since this morning and my head keeps bringing up scenarios that scare me because i haven’t talked to her in 9 months. So i’m very scared if she’s found someone else or not.

I cried days after we broke up because i was so heartbroken and sad. But that’s everyone…right?

I pray to god that she comes back. Because me @pink-vacancy and @jennissera miss her. When i told them abt her spotify acc, they both got so happy. So i pray she finds my pinterest, gets my tumblr and we can talk again…

[qishylia-adelia]

UPDATE UPDATE

FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO BUY SWEET HONEY, IT'LL ARRIVE AT 16 DECEMBER AT BEST.ALSO GOT A PHYSICAL VERSION OF CHERRY CRUSH LETS GOOO

[realitythroughthelensoffiction]

Hot take: Crowley and God share the same philosophy

Of all characters in Good Omens, Crowley is the one who criticizes God and his/her actions the most. And I find that kind of ironic regarding the fact that their take on free will and morality appears to be essentially the same.

The fandom appreciates Crowley for his own special way of doing evil. He does not try "to spread misery and panic among the humans" like Shax or manipulate people into sinning like Hastur and Ligur. Instead, he relies on humans' tendency for self-destruction. Crowley creates minor inconveniences, like by shutting down the mobile phone network. Inconveniences that could just be shrugged away, but in fact lead to people lashing out on each other. Or he gives individuals with evil deeds on their mind the opportunity to carry them out, like when he turns the paintball guns of the office staff into real ones.

And he is succesful with that. The series does not make it that explicit, but the book clearly mentions how Crowley is far more efficient at collectings souls for hell than demons like Hastur and Ligur. You could say that Crowley is simply doing what he is obliged to do. But his proud face when he tells Hastur and Ligur about the bit with the mobile phone network, when he talks about giving the office staff machine guns, or when he presents his design for the M25 in hell suggests that he is actually enjoying what he does.

Moreover, although Crowley does not do real evil, he still contributes to it, because, as Waller puts it, "[a] person is infinitely more likely to pull the trigger if they are handed a gun" (p. 23; cited below). Does this mean that Crowley is far more demonic than we admit? Not exactly; I think Crowley actually has high moral standards. He is completely opposed to letting innocents - like the kids during the Flood or Job, Job's children and even Job's goats - suffer.

But the thing with people with high moral standards (and I know this from myself) is: they can be pretty cruel to anyone who does not live up to these standards. Crowley firmly believes in "free will, including the right to murder". But in his opinion, that also means that you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. He does not seem to mind the paintball players being arrested for trying to shoot each other, nor does he seem to have a problem with people going to hell for their evil deeds.

To be fair, Crowley acknowledges that sometimes the circumstances force people to do bad things. That's why he saves Elspeth, since he does not want her to "be damned forever" for committing sins out of poverty and desparation.

But apart from that, he sees testing people's morality as his job. Again, this is not explicit in the series, but in the book he considers demons to "occup[y] the same position as tax inspectors" (Pratchett/Gaiman, p. 275; cited below) in the universe. And although he does not want innocents to suffer, that's exactly what happens as a result of him tempting people to do bad things, of giving them the opportunity to hurt others.

But if people pass the test, then that's fine for Crowley, too. We can witness this with Jesus. Yes, Crowley even tried to tempt the son of God by showing him all the kingdoms in the world. But Jesus resisted the temptation and Crowley did not seem upset about it. Actually, he seems to respect Jesus a lot for his good character. He possibly even suspected beforehand that Jesus would resist his temptation and saw it more as doing Jesus a favour, because "his travel opportunities are limited".

And although Crowley is convinced that people should deal with the consequences of their actions, he draws the line where said consequences become to harsh or irrevocable. He expresses this when talking to God in season 1: "I know you're testing them. You said you were going to be testing them. But you shouldn't test them to destruction". Crowley does not want to test people to destruction. That's why he made sure that nobody would actually get hurt or killed in the shooting (if you want to read even more about Crowley's moral philosophy, see this and this post by @linipikk and @ilarual).

What does this all have to do with God? Well, I believe God is doing pretty much what Crowley does: he/she is testing people - by setting up the plan for Armageddon, by allowing Satan to destroy Job's wordly goods and kill his children.

And I think the reason why God does this is quite obvious, if you think about it. Because if someone does good things just because God told them so or because they fear punishment if they don't, then that does not make them a good person, it just makes them an obedient one. To really judge the morality of a person, you need to give them the chance to do evil things. I think Aziraphale got this quite right: "They cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked".

Giving people the opportunity to be wicked is what Crowley does when he turns the paintball guns into real ones, and it's also what God does when he/she makes the Apocalypse part of "the Great Plan", thereby offering both heaven and hell a justification for their intent to wage war against each other. The same goes for him/her telling angels and demons alike that "Satan and his diabolical ministers may destroy everything Job owns, no questions asked", assuring them that they won't be punished for harming the poor man or not preventing him from being harmed.

By basically giving them free pass with everything they want to do, God creates an opportunity for people to really show whether they're moral persons or not. And like Crowley, who made sure that the paintball players would not die when shooting at each other, God left a backdoor for saving what is worth saving; he/she is not testing people to destruction. Adam has the power to destroy the world, but he does also have the freedom to reject it. Crowley and Aziraphale have the right to kill Job's children or let them be killed, but they also have the right to refuse to do so.

Nevertheless, God also lets everyone face the consequences - may they be good or bad - of what they did. Again, I find it ironic how much Crowley complains about the injustice of his fall, when it was just the logical result of him joining Lucifer's side. You can clearly see his double standard here - he is fine with the notion of actions having consequences when it comes to others, but not when it comes to himself (for more about Crowley struggling with unintended consequences, see this post).

But back to God: God does not only allow evil to happen (like Crowley does), he/she is also responsible for its existence in the first place. If God created everything, then he/she did also create evil. This does not have to mean that God wants evil to happen, but simply that it is necessary that evil exists so that people can make moral choices, just as Aziraphale explains.

Speaking of creation, there's one last possible parallel that I noticed between Crowley and God. The fandom often refers to Crowley as "The Starmaker". But Crowley didn't create stars, he created "a star factorer". And he seemed especially proud of the fact that it would allow the stars to develop on their own, while most stars would "come pre-aged". He did not determine how they should be, but provided them with everything they needed to grow and then simply wanted to watch them unfold before him.

My suspicion is that God did a very similar thing when he/she created humans (and angels, some of them who would become demons). He/she does barely talk to anybody and does not tell humans, angels and demons what to do. Instead, he/she provided them with everything they needed - including the ability to do both good and evil - and just watches what path they will take.

I think that God wants his/her creations to be free, truly free. That's why he/she made it so easy for Adam and Eve to eat from the Tree of Knowledge, something even Crowley suspected: "What if I did the right thing [i.e. what God wanted] with the whole 'eat the apple' business?" And freedom does necessarily lead to some people misusing said freedom and causing harm to others. But that's the price that comes with it.

Does this make God evil? Well, that's the core of the question of theodicy believers have been struggling with for millenia. I would answer: at least it does not make God any more evil than Crowley.

And that might indicate that some sort of reconciliation between these two characters is possible. In my opinion, there's a high chance that Crowley will come to the conclusion that his and God's take on free will and morality are not so much different and that he will finally be able to make his peace with God.

So, what do you think of my theory/analysis? Do you agree with me about Crowley and God? Or do you interpret the characters and their motivations in a different way? Let me know!

Works cited:

Pratchett, Terry and Gaiman, Neil: Good Omens. The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. London 2011.

Waller, Rhian: Avoiding a contemporary Apocalypse. Examining the Effects of Shifting Good Omens from its Cold War Context. In: Giannini, Erin and Taylor, Amanda (Eds.): Deciphering Good Omens. Nice and Accurate Essays on the Novel and Television Series, pp. 11-29.

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕊𝕙𝕪 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: Hihi saw your req were still open so if you dont mind, may i request wrio and thoma with fem reader who is quiet and shy but loves to hug and cling onto them! And sometimes she talks and rants about her interests so much that she doesnt even realise then gets all shy again!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Hello! Yeah! They were at the time you requested!

And helppp somehow I find it so similar yet a bit different from myself- Either way, I enjoyed writing it actually! So hopefully you'll like it as well! ^^

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

✧ Thoma definitely fell for your shyness but it actually doesn't mean at all he thought of you less when you began to get affectionate! In fact, he found that little break cute~

✧ it felt like he's your trustworthy person and he wasn't even thinking about letting that opinion down

✧ at the early stage of your relationship, when you were still more shy than affectionate, he was really supportive and reassuring! He'd initiate any small affections for you, like holding hands, hugs, etc...

✧ but when he started seeing signs of you opening up like initiating more and more acts and talking about more topics with him... he decided to not mention it as to kot discourage you, but it definitely melted his heart

✧ now, when you start to ramble, he literally stops anything he's doing just to look you on the eyes with that soft smile and nod his head with ocassional "mhm" to let you know he's listening to whatever you have to say to him

✧ same goes for affection actually! If you ask or initiate one, he's not gonna just decline!! So he immidietly returns and drops whatever he's doing if needed. If anything, the hug or so is just gonna be a bit shorter because he doe shave work after all...

"Why won't we go back to it another time? Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy you want to get this affectionate with me! But... I do need to clean Kamisato Estate... just give me an hour and I'll be at your disposal, okey?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot - come get your perfect malewife~

✧ at the beginning, Wriothesley may not be the one who looks soft towards shy people but he actually is a big sweetheart!

✧ the most he's gonna do is wrap an ark around your shoulder or eventually hold your hand, since he doesn't want to force you or make you uncomfortable

✧ but when you start opening up and show more affections, he learns what you are and what you're not comfortable with! So he initiates more acts, just like you!

✧ he's gonna support you no matter what, but when you're opening up slowly, he can't help but push his luck a little bit and drop one small teasing line

✧ if it makes you slow down drastically, he'll note to himself to never do that again tho...

✧ as for rambling... it all depends of the situation he's in right now. If he's busy with something at the moment, hell either listen you with one ear and ask you to repeat it later or he'll just ask you to move this conversation to another time

✧ BUT if he's not busy..!! Then he'll even make you two tea so you can sit enjoy your time as you ramble about anything that's on your mind

"Oh? Getting chatty are we~? No, no, it wasn't supposed to discourage you... I was actually interested in the topic."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot - come get your teddybear duke~

[cantareincminor]

For Character ask game:

21, 22, for Yor Forger 🥰🥰

Thank you

Hiiiiii tareeeeeee

So excited to get a question about our favorite assassin!

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Looking back on my longest work Orpheus, one thing I really enjoyed was writing Yor's character growth from naive and blindly trusting to discerning and more socially aware. She begins with the level of naivete she displays in canon, but starting in chapter 8 when she starts looking for Yuri, she is forced to grow out of it bit by bit. It's a scary journey, but she is a courageous person, especially when it comes to protecting her loved ones. She will go to any lengths to protect Yuri and her newfound family, even if it means stepping far beyond her comfort zone. That's what she has had to do since childhood when her parents died and she had to fend for herself and Yuri.

She learns how to question assumptions and situations that she would have previously accepted at face value. By chapter 36, she finds herself subconsciously "reading the room" when she heads to a pivotal meeting with Shopkeeper and accurately guesses what's on his mind just by looking at him. Later she is able to read Chloe accurately as well and take a gamble to trust her as an ally.

As to what I don't like writing about Yor...this may be a product of repetition since I've written several Twiyor identity reveal and love confession fics, and they all share certain common elements. One is Yor's insecurity and self-doubt about being good enough for Loid, questioning whether he even likes her that way, constantly putting herself down and focusing on her flaws.

Yor's self-deprecating mindset is relatable for a lot of women including myself when I was younger, and it definitely makes it easy to write drama and angst and misunderstanding into a fic. But at the same time it gets kind of annoying after a while. Years ago when I first watched Naruto, I remember feeling really annoyed whenever Hinata showed up on screen in the early seasons. (Hinata stans don't come after me!) The way her insecurities were portrayed bordered on pathetic, whereas Yor's are often played off as comedy, and she's still the top assassin in the Ostanian underworld and a pillar of strength for her family, so that makes a huge difference.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

I love it when Yor's well-meaning nature and lack of social awareness combine for peak comedy. For example @briefhottubcoffee's Help me, I'm in love, where Franky asks the Forger family for dating advice and Yor has some hilarious tips to offer. Or @whateversawesome's Deadly Encounters at the Department Store, where her coworkers convince her she needs to buy lingerie to please her husband. Or @unhappy-sometimes' Lonely Hearts, where Loid takes out dating ads in the newspaper to try to find Yor a replacement husband after Strix, not knowing Yor has plans of her own.

I also love it when Yor acts as a balm and refuge for Loid and Anya. And many more characters like Yuri, Melinda, the list goes on. She is so generous and forgiving, it's always beautiful to read how her kindness challenges other people to change for the better, or to let their guard down and feel safe.

Something I don't like...this may offend some people, but these are just my opinions!

This holds true for any character: I don't like it when they are portrayed as really OOC. Even in AUs when by necessity the characters have to be somewhat OOC. For example, brat!Yor. The woman is the spiritual opposite of an entitled brat. Might as well make her an OC instead. Or any fic where Yor leaves Anya (really?). But those are easy things to dislike.

A more nuanced thing is how Yor is portrayed when she's angry. In canon we haven't yet seen her truly angry -- protective and threatening, maybe, like when Twilight and Franky question her in their SSS disguises, or when she fends off anyone trying to kidnap Anya. But the kind of anger she might feel over betrayal by a loved one like Yuri or Loid? I don't like it when fics portray her anger as so overpowering that she doesn't give the other side a chance. Given what we know of her character, how kind and merciful she is, how she tries to see things from another person's perspective (e.g. Millie), I think she would attempt to understand the other person and give them the benefit of the doubt. I suppose there is a counterargument for this, in that she accepts Garden's orders to kill "evildoers" without hesitation, without giving them a chance. But the key difference is that those targets are strangers. You can't be betrayed and deeply hurt by a stranger, only by someone you love.

More questions from the ask game!

[cheesecakeluvrs]

Shampoo is my least favorite character in Ranma ½ and I’m tired of pretending she's not

Listen, I tried to be a girls girl, we all know all the “rivals” in Ranma suck and are all terrible people but for most of them I’m able to just look past it and see the comedy. I think both Ukyo and Kodachi are hilarious and I love it when they show up but I just couldn’t force myself to feel the same way about Shampoo. One of the things I actually liked about Ukyo and Kodachi is they don’t love her but a lot of the time they’re able to be chill with Akane. But since Shampoo doesn’t care about Ranma’s feelings and knows he won’t love her she takes to going after the one thing that is stopping her from forcing Ranma to marry her, Akane. She takes Ukyo’s manipulation, Ryoga’s obsession, Kuno’s creepiness, Kodachi’s aggression, multiplies that by 10, adds psychopath and boom you have the fan favorite character. I don’t find her funny, I don’t find her cute, I don’t find her entertaining… I just find her annoying.

I was honestly just able to ignore all this but after spending some time on the internet I learned more and more about the fans of Ranma and Shampoo. Of course, of course, of course, you can ship whoever you like, I don’t care, I mean I’ll have like way less respect for you but I honestly don’t care. The thing that pisses me of is when people bring down Akane in support of their ship. Obviously Akane’s not perfect but she is by far one of the nicest people on the show. Definitely more than any of Ranma’s other fiancées. If you think Akane hitting Ranma sometimes because he is being a jerk is worse than Shampoo actively forcing Ranma into marriage, not giving one thought about his feelings, using all kinds of different magic and manipulation then also on top of that being an outright murderous person to Akane then you need to stop being blinded by the cute little chinese girl who you insist can do no wrong. Also if you really want to get into it Shampoo also hits Ranma along with Akane.

I can’t recall a time off the top of my head (now i'm sure there is) where Shampoo actually cared for Ranma without having some ulterior motive. If you gave her a deal to kill Akane and marry Ranma but he would never be happy again, she would take it in a heartbeat. I just can not see any perspective where Shampoo would be a better choice for Ranma. That boy started crushing on Akane the second they met and definitely hasn’t stopped. He definitely cares for Shampoo as a person but I don’t think he likes her as a person. I mean I think Mousse needs some new glasses because those are clearly not good enough if you think Shampoo is actually worth anything.

Yeah Akane’s not some super strong and amazing martial artists. Sorry she didn’t grow up in some ancient place and has been training since she was an itty bitty baby like all these other people. Thats a part of her character. I heard someone say shes not good enough or good for Ranma because shes not focusing on her training enough and too much on school unlike Shampoo. What? And again again again again opinions opinions opinions opinions you can like or dislike whoever you like… but… if you dislike Akane while also praising all the other female characters… then of course you're entitled to your opinion but like get outa here.

When a female character is hated that doesn’t deserve it I am here, and if history repeats itself with the remake you people don’t know the crimes I will commit. You know a comment I saw on I think it was Shampoo and Ranma’s wiki, “I’d gladly take her over that bitch Akane”. I’m gonna be real, that's what got me fuming. Did Akane kill your parents? I don’t know man, I’m just a teenage girl, I should be studying for school but instead I do this in my free time. I know a lot of people just can’t write women but I feel like a lot of the time it’s not that the women are written poorly it’s that you go into every show, book, movie, manga, comic, anything with this perception and automatic response to hate on female characters and defend this by saying they’re poorly written. RIP Akane, RIP Sakura, RIP Katara, RIP literally any live action female superhero, RIP Rogue from ‘97, and RIP all my ladies out there.

[lains-reality]

I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing. 

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!

[echologname]

Hack your ADHD brain to do things

If there's a pot of dopamine at the end of a rainbow, I'd believe it because I've been searching frantically where to find this stuff. But for now, here's some ridiculous and maybe unhinged advice on how to get your silly brain to produce it itself. In my opinion, the more silly, stupid and simple it is, the better.

Side quest roulette

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7rard8ukBz/?igsh=aGxzdHNkaGl6MWxt

Tell yourself to do something that's NOT what you want to do and let the ADHD distract you down the correct rabbit hole.

Duck tape yourself to your task

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-78ilVJlyb/?igsh=am9pODRzY2xtMTY5

Duck tape yourself to your chair if you need to sit down and do homework. If you move to get up, you'll feel the gentle pressure and it'll remind you to stay focused.

Honestly, I did say some of these were out there 😜

Sing

Singing stimulates your vagus nerve which helps reduce anxiety and has numerous other mental health benefits and makes you feel good inside. Signing while doing a task is a great strategy!

Nested roulette games

The brain thrives with unpredictability and brevity. Doom scrolling is so addictive because:

Appeal - something enjoyable

Brevity - a minute reel

Unpredictability - you keep scrolling for the surprise of what's next

So use this to choose your tasks at random and only commit to doing them for a little bit. If I spin a wheel and the task is homework, spin again for a random assignment and again for what part of the assignment and set a timer for a few to 30 minutes max. Then you can do some proprioception stims like jumping jacks or twirl around to help you task change.

If your brain is chaotic, then giving it a chaotic and stimulating environment is what it needs.

Create an environment conducive to productivity

I can't be in my room, it's a mess, I don't have the energy to clean it but I need to put things away if I want to get to my desk to do work. So, instead of mixing my "lazy" and "work" environments in the same space, I'm only allowed to be messy and do fun things on the other end of the room that way my work space stays neat and tidy. It can help to have a room divider.

I focus better when I'm in work environments like school where everyone there has the same goal. So, it's my attempt to recreate the division where I associate different spaces with different tasks.

Sometimes I just get stuck but splashing cold water on my face or drinking something cold kinda zaps me out of that state and I feel alert and refreshed, ready to take on a task. You can set reminders to regularly get your cold fix to stimulate your nervous system and activate a mild stress response.

Name inanimate objects

If I name something, that automatically gives it "feelings." This is to help motivate me to take good care of things like my bedroom. If they're messy, they're sick and sad and it'd help me WANT to clean it up instead of just forcing myself to do it.

Coldness

Blanket head

For some reason, I focus better at night. So I try to recreate the same conditions by putting a blanket over my head, that way it's cozy, dim, less noisy and it's just me and my homework, nothing else.

Turn your routine into a mnemonic device

For example: Wisconsin Badgers Huddle Dramatically

Wash face

Breakfast

Homework

Dishes

The sillier the better. The idea is to make it easier to remember and make a habit of things to do.

Social media encouragement

Post your completed task in an ADHD encouragement group to get likes, positive comments or even help from others about where to start on a task.

Puppy dog eyes = YES!

Place talky buttons on the floor for your dog. Each one has a task or chore you have to do and when your dog presses one like, "Do dishes." you HAVE to obey. They're too cute to say no to and I'd do ANYTHING for them, if I'm willing to give my life for my dog, I can definitely do a few chores for her. Also, if my dog is encouraged to do this behavior with treats after I complete the task, she'll keep barking and begging and being silly and obnoxious until I do the task.

Get fictional characters to help you

Write notes to yourself about what's next to do or an upcoming appointment and sign them from "So and so." I'll listen to anyone but myself. You can even put them in a mailbox to make it more engaging.

Or use AI voices (for personal use ONLY! Voice actors are amazing people and it's mean to use their voice without permission) and a character give you your to-dos or words of encouragement.

ChatGPT scheduler

I've tried many times, but I suck at blocking out time for things. So I'll tell AI what I typically do, any goals and such and it'll give me what my week should look like.

Toy confetti and giant "pill boxes"

Create bins/cardboard boxes for each day of the week

Collect "toy confetti" (small knick knacks from diverse playsets like Legos, Barbie accessories, fidgets, small plastic dinos, Happy Meal toys etc...)

Write tasks on the toys and optionally an amount of time to set for that task

Place what needs to be done on which day in the corresponding boxes

The surprise and sensory diversity makes it fun and the boxes give it basic schedule structure.

Give yourself an important sounding title

Like, "I am the Princess! Everything I say goes!" And really get into the responsibilities inherent in your imaginary position. It can feel very empowering.

Mailbox

Set up a table or space for a box and some paper and writing utensils next to it. Optionally, have a cloud printer set up too. If someone has a chore for you to do, they can leave you a note in your box or if they have forms for you to sign, they can highlight where and leave it for you. Or if I have a note to leave for myself while I'm out of the house, I can use my phone connected to the printer, to print out the note at home (possibly placed so the paper falls into the box).

ASMR

Do your tasks slowly and listen carefully to the sounds of the tinkling silverware, tap your fingers on hard surfaces you have to wipe down...etc. It's no longer "chores" but yummy homemade ASMR.

Silly hats

Wear a silly hat for different things (like homework vs chores) so it acts as a cue to your brain to help you gear shift.

Different music genres help too.

Gentle parenting

Tell yourself, "It's OK sweetie, I know it's frustrating and you're trying your best to do the thing but you feel stuck."

Opposite action (DBT therapy)

Do the opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do. If you're feeling sad and want to curl up alone in the dark and do depressed things, you're just going to encourage that emotion instead of doing things a non-depressed person does like go outside in the sun and talk to friends.

If you're demotivated and want to sit and doom scroll, just get up, do a power pose and start with one little thing.

Video game roleplay

Attach a controller plug to a headband and controll myself to do things.

Fictional character roleplay

Act how a character would act doing that task. Mimic their body language, tics, lingo, humor…etc.

If doing the task stresses you out too much, pretend you're summoning someone else to do it and it might as well be your favorite character.

Demon slaying

The task that you NEVER seem to be able to do is a demon that must DIE! Fuel yourself with that adrenaline! C’ause that pile of laundry is just going to mock you and your executive dysfunction indefinitely. And we can't have that, so be a hero and murder your tasks! Those stressful little burgers are going DOWN!

Exercise audio games

Using an app like Zombies, Run! or Marvel Move, get up and get going, knock out missions while getting chores done.

AI assistance

AI works as my brain, it plans everything out and I just operate as the body taking commands of what to do next.

Dog treatment

Give yourself a treat for doing basic human things.

Cleaning hacks

Everything has a colored sticker which goes in the corresponding colored drawer/box/shelf…etc.

Give everything silly names. The dingawongs go on the desk with the other dingawongs and the jigawigas go in the drawer with the other jigawigas.

Try to pick up things with robot hands (mechanical hands with string and cardboard/plastic) or your toes. It'll be so much more fun and novel!

Video + Tasker

Record vids of giving tasks and use Tasker to automatically play them at a certain time as a reminder.

Best used with smart watch (like a super spy getting a secret mission 😎)

Quests

Mystery dispensers by each task (like by the cleaning supplies) and go around doing tasks in order to get the reward.

Optional function: they have AI and you need to send a picture of the completed task (checks image date and time metadata) in order to get the prize.

Puppet/plush care

Instead of saying, “I have to do this,” it's “I have to make sure Fuzzy does this by this time because I care about her and love her.” So it uses my sense of maternal responsibility for caring for helpless creatures that can't do anything on their own.

Also, it's Jesus's love language helping others! His law is love and that's how He wants us to show it.

VR game

Highlights items to put away and where and gives cute animations and sound effects for doing the task. Like a SIM but uses augmented reality.

Virtual pet reminders

Whenever it yells at you for a specific thing like food, associate it with doing something for yourself like getting yourself food too. You can't always trust yourself to set reminders.

Audio planner A

Computer talks and says what the task is, for how long and plays specific music to mentally que that task.

Example:

7:30 AM

“Time to wake up!”

“You have an hour to get ready for the day”

Plays morning music

8:20

“10 more minutes”

8:30

“Homework time!”

“You have 30 min until a break”

Plays Lofi Hip Hop

9:00

“You can take a break now”

Has a web interface with a checklist and whenever a task is completed, it says something like, “Congratulations on completing ____!” “You’ve earned 10 virtual coins!”

Audio planner B

Same as above but a playlist of time chunks and voice clips

MP3 to-do timer

Music clips with the task as the “song title.” Selecting a random song to be played, would be the same as selecting a random task and setting a timer for it, in this case, the run time of a song.

Candy task randomizer

Take a candy/pill dispenser filled with beads with tasks written on them.

Plush task randomizer

Plush with sound module with recordings of different tasks.

Bead currency

Every task completed is worth a bead.

10 beads = 1 USD

Keep track of beads as they accumulate

Can ONLY buy something for puppies IF there's enough beads

Adulting kid’s app

In a virtual world, their parents can set up a to-do list and they have an in game calendar, bank, phone and such. They're goal is to take care of a virtual pet whose needs are very realistic: unpredictable. Anyway, to take care of a pet, you need money which is earned by completing tasks (parents and teachers can send tasks to their to do and appointments to their calendar.

They have to plan out about how much food and medicine their pet needs and spend it wisely. They get an virtual invoice/receipts.

Their pet can spontaneously get sick and they need to make an appointment with the vet and pay LOTS from savings.

Delayed gratification prize dispenser

Write tasks on paper

Add paper to jar once complete

When the jar is full/reaches a minimum weight, it’ll dispense a prize

Flower power

Write tasks on seed paper

When a task is complete, put it in a jar

The jar is filled by the end of the week and the tasks can be planted!

Egg system

Fill eggs with different tasks related to homework or free/break time. And set a timer to complete the task on the egg I picked.

For free time, instead of picking up my phone and waste time, I pick up an egg. This way, I can do things I’ve always wanted to do but never do because I’d rather sit and do nothing.

Also, keeping a strict schedule is hard, this way, it's not mindless routine, it has an element of surprise and flexibility.

Possible Motivators

Throughout all species throughout the world and time, necessity has been the driving force and the reward: life and continued existence, food and health. They’d literally die without the skills they acquired from their parents, sometimes horribly. There's no, “If I want to get distracted and not do this thing, there's no consequences, I’ll still live just fine.”

I suppose drastic stakes are super effective.

Also, like the Bluey episode, “Duck cake,” even when Bluey got things she liked and enjoyed for cleaning up, they didn't fulfill her as much as cleaning up to please her parents and make them happy. So, doing things for the good of helping others is also a strong motivator. If we always live for the things that please us, for the things we want, we’ll never be truly happy.

Or Tiana in The Princess and the Frog, she had a dream she wanted SO desperately, she worked hard every day for years for it, never once taking her eyes off the prize. What dream do you have?

Make other things just as or more enjoyable than my bad habits.

Find something or someone to live for (for me, it's my dog's). It's different when you take care of someone you love because you would do anything for them. They're ALIVE, they have feelings and it makes you care about them.

Or if not, pretend you have a little kid to take care of and they follow you around everywhere and watch what you do. You'd want to make sure you're always setting a good example and demonstrating healthy habits.

Though it's probably not the healthiest, nothing kicks me into high gear like being frustrated/angry. I get an "I can fight everyone!" mentality and end up taking it out on chores and doing things. At least I'm not too irritable and it's constructive.

[illicien]

What drew you to winterbaron as a ship? What kind of content do you read? Is it different from the kind of content you write? Would you like to rec a few winterbaron works? My friend is into the ship and I'm trying to see if it's something I might like but all the fics they've recked me are kind of the same in tone so I'm looking for others opinions for some variety.

Hmm! I've sort of answered some of this in the past so sorry to my moots getting this rehash.

A friend of mine dragged me into WinterBaron (kicking and screaming!!!) rather simply, actually, though what kept me here was the more grand implications of her simple origins. I'm kind of a sucker for a true power bottom, and fanart my friend kept sending me implied the fandom saw Zemo as such, and I was at least a little bit intrigued there. Enough to take a deeper look, at least.

The better discovery wasn't that the fandom had decided he was a power bottom, but that there was a strong push and pull of power in their dynamic. Bucky has all the physical power between them, it's a big thing, he's strong as hell. On the other hand, Zemo is just a guy, and yet despite that Bucky should logically have all the power between them, Zemo's intelligence and knowledge tend to leave him with an edge. That continues to be the fascinating concept about Zemo to me, but that's a different matter.

So for me, it's the manipulation, the push and pull of power, it's Bucky trying to break free of being the Winter Soldier and Zemo trying to decide if Bucky's just like every other super soldier. But it's also about understanding that Zemo knows Bucky in ways most people alive don't. He knows and understands Bucky's history as the Winter Soldier both through his research, and as a man who did horrific things on behalf of his country. And that thought can sometimes lead to softer moments of understanding, I think, that can be enjoyable in fic.

As for content I read vs write: I generally gravitate towards dark fic with these two, though there's plenty of really good stuff that isn't. There are some excellent explorations of kink in the fandom for them which is refreshing. I don't really write them as dark as I read them, since I enjoy writing the power dynamics more than the overt manipulation, but if you're looking for more tonal variety I'm sure I can make some recommendations! (Under the cut!)

** Please make sure you read all of the tags thoroughly. What I enjoy in fiction may not be to your taste, and I respect that, but the best I can do is to link to the site with the tags. 💜

Recs (under 20k words)

Just A Little More by @six-demon-bag epitomizes a lot of what I've said above, and if I didn't start out with it on the list here I'd be doing myself a disservice for how often I reread this.

Bucky goes into a painful rut and Zemo seizes the opportunity to sink newer, more subtle hooks into him.

Breathless by @zsparz is one I like to return to whenever I'm looking to feel sad but don't have a lot of time to read. I can't explain why this one hits me so hard but holy smokes does it make me weepy. Sparz is great at making me cry, though, so like - anyway.

The water kept rising. Bucky could hold his breath a long time underwater, and he remembered vividly how he’d acquired that knowledge. Sam might find him in time.

But Zemo would be long dead by then.

Past Indiscretions by @sagegarnish makes me laugh, genuinely. The whole idea of it brings me a lot of joy, and the execution is delightful.

Bucky and Zemo are trapped in 1941.

Unfortunately Bucky's past self is the only one who might know where the missing Pym Particles are that they need to get home.

When young!Bucky pulls Zemo into an alley, Bucky is forced to watch as a drunken forgotten night from his past becomes a lot clearer.

Recs (20k+ words)

That Which You Fear by @spintwinwb is a trilogy that starts off feeling like an AU and turns into something really fascinating imo. Lots of extra goodies here for comics fans, too.

Instead of freeing the people of Westview, Wanda pushed out across multiverses to get her brother back, and the entire world was caught in the crossfire. Cast in a new, peaceful life in upstate New York in a world with mutants, no Avengers, and no HYDRA, Bucky Barnes struggles to reconcile memories and dreams that no longer make sense with what he thinks he knows about himself.

One Two Many by @six-demon-bag is sweet and fun and complicated, and I really did try not to double-up on authors here but agh. What am I supposed to do??

Bucky and Zemo meet on an anonymous dating app and find a deep connection in each other. In the meantime, they grow closer in person without realizing they’re falling in love online too.

Too Good To Be True by AnadoraBlack is really one of those fics where the tropes are used so well, imo. A very enjoyable read.

Bucky wakes up with no recollection of where he is, how he found himself there, and what the heck is going on. There's also a ring on his finger, and time lost. What the living FUCK?!

The Original Sin by @zsparz because I might as well completely fail at the "only one per author" in spectacular fashion. This sits here because it sits on a very peculiar line between canon and AU and just... like I said. Sparz makes me cry. This isn't a departure from that fact.

Bucky and Zemo keep meeting over the course of several lifetimes. Zemo remembers everything. Bucky doesn’t, but there’s an eerie impression of familiarity he can’t shake — an old pain he can’t explain, with roots too deep for him to reach.

AU Recs

Removing Bucky and Zemo from the context of their complicated history in the MCU can highlight different aspects of their characters that are really interesting to explore, as someone who finds their unique characters quite interesting as well, though I also know it isn't for everyone. Neither of these recs are short so if you don't mind an AU, set some time aside for these ones.

It Started Out With a Curse by Thorny is a fun AU I never really expected to find in this fandom. I personally have a history of writing in fantasy settings so this one has a special place in my heart.

What happens when the King and Queen of a human kingdom slight a powerful fae Lord known only as "The Baron"?

Enter a world of FairyTale/Fantasy Shenanigans as Prince James navigates his deadly curse and his confusing feelings for one (seemingly) cold and untouchable fae Lord. Meanwhile, something sinister is afoot trying to gouge a rift between the feywilds and the human kingdoms...

A Gentleman and a Scholar by EternalBeta is a no powers exploration of their dynamic that's... Beautiful. It also tackles a lot of things about kink that it feels like most fic and stories generally seem to ignore. There's also an amazing sequel series.

(this series doesn't have an easy summary available so I uh... I'll give it a go here: college student Bucky has a thing for his professor, and a whole series of bad decisions behind him. The trouble is, Bucky is impatient, and Professor Zemo doesn't fuck students. So Bucky better hurry up and graduate.)

Many of the writers above have at least a few WinterBaron fics, and I do highly recommend checking out their collections. Sparz and Six-Demon in particular have some really widely varied concepts and stories they tackle, and if you're curious at all I'd also recommend checking out Sholio who has some excellent Sam/Bucky/Zemo fics! I didn't toss recs here because they weren't the heart of the ask, but I gobbled those up easily for some very sweet treaties.

[countrymusiclover]

2 - Swords and Winterfell

Part 3

The Last Velaryon

Tag list @rise-my-angel @cdragons

It had been almost a week since Chezney and I had traveled to King's Landing. Jaime and I had only simply said a few words and shared silent glances with one another. So nothing really worthwhile in my opinion. Staring at the ceiling above me the sun had already risen and brought light into my chambers. "How am I supposed to act about all this? I didn't have a mother growing up." I mumbled to myself in thought.

Sitting upright on the edge of the bed I run my hands down my face remembering that Chezney's mother had taught me about most things that my mother would have but I still wasn't as confident as she always seemed. "Haelesa!" Hearing three knocks I sighed in relief.

"Chez, finally I have been here bored counting the tiles on the ceiling waiting for you." I sighed in an over dramatic tone flinging the chamber door open revealing my friend.

She quickly pushed the door shut and locked it. "Sorry this place is much more massive than Driftmark. I got lost a few times trying to find your room."

"Then let's go exploring." I responded instantly.

She flopped back on my bed with a confused expression. "Are you serious? Did you forget the part where I said I almost got lost getting here?"

"I've been trapped in a castle surrounded by the ocean my whole life. I don't intend to stay locked up here in a city like this one. I want to go explore and see what else is supposedly out there." Putting one hand on my hip I sent her a half smile.

Chezney didn't waste another moment getting up to her feet. "That settles it then."

"And if my so-called betrothed has a problem with it then he can come find us." I looped my arm through hers and we quickly left the room rushing down the hallway.

I was still wearing the same outfit that I arrived in but I had let my hair loose since the climate was much warmer than I had ever felt. And I would never wear uncomfortable heels unless someone forced it upon me. Chezney and I took a few wrong turns yet we did manage to find a doorway out of the castle. Placing one hand on the brick wall the wind blew my hair in my eyes until I brushed it behind my ear. There was an open fenced yard out in front of us. "Maybe we took another bad turn."

"Nah I don't think so...look swords." Chezney moved past me and picked up one of the blades that was laying on the dirt a few steps away from us.

Shrugging my shoulders I ran over to her taking the handle of the other one she held out for me in my own hands. "Ah you're right. This should be fun since neither of us are probably good at this."

"You're telling me you've never watched Antler train?" She asked me.

"No, have you?" I asked her back and she avoided my gaze meaning she was lying. I gasped, teasing her back. "Oh you have!"

Chezney grips her handle slightly swinging at me. "Shut up!"

"Ah!" I squeaked, raising my blade and heard our metal clash together meaning I blocked her hit. "Hey don't get defensive, it was a genuine question that you brought up."

She shakes her head. "Just because I have watched him train sometimes doesn't mean that I have feelings for him."

"Actually it kind of does mean exactly that, Chez." I smirked, spinning the blade in my hands trying to balance the new weight in each hand to get used to the new feeling.

Gaining a firm grip on the blade I made my first advance on my friend but she was somewhat ready for me. We both ran at each other and swung at the same time hitting the other's blade. We separated them quickly and I swung upward and she went downward hitting my blade again until we heard someone speak up and catch us off guard. "Ladies aren't supposed to be playing with swords from the lessons I was forced to sit through."

"Ser Jaime." Chezney stumbles dropping the sword and doing the best curtsey she could for him.

Yet I kept my fingers wrapped around the blade but lowered the tip of the weapon down into the dirt. My eyes focused on his letting uncomfortable silence fill the air and I didn't bother to address him like a lady should. "Jaime. I'm shocked you came looking for me. From the day I arrived you didn't seem to have much interest in getting to know me."

"Hmm you are right that I am not really concerned with the whole idea of marriage. But here we are since my father was very demanding of the king to release me from my guard title." Jaime moved away from the doorway we had came from reaching me until there was little gap between us.

Lifting my gaze upward he was slightly taller than me but I wouldn't let him know that I was worried about what he would do. "At least we are in agreement on not wanting this arrangement. Come on Chezney, let's keep practicing."

"Oh I don't think that's a good idea." My friend's demeanor completely changed around the oldest lion son.

Whipping my head around to her I scoffed. "Come on, Chez. You don't really think he is going to judge us when we are just having some fun."

"He's the best swordsman in the seven kingdoms, Haelesa." She trailed off.

Snorting out a laugh. "I'll see about that."

"Is that a challenge I'm hearing, Haelesa?" I sucked in a breath hearing Jaime's voice closer than I was expecting when I had put my back to him talking to my friend.

Slowly turning around on my boots, Jaime and I were almost pressed chest to chest now. "I wasn't calling a challenge with you, Lannister."

"That's not what I heard from you, Haelesa." He smirked smugly. "If you're not calling a challenge, let's still just see what you can do."

Jaime moved around me picking up the sword that my friend had dropped. Chezney parts her lips in shock watching me before I gasped, not sure I heard him correctly. "You're joking."

"Actually I'm not in the slightest. If you want jokes you should meet my little brother Tyrion." He responded holding the blade in his right hand.

Blinking a couple times I still remain where I was originally. "I'm not going to fight you, Jaime."

"As you said it's just for fun and I'll take it easy on you if you truly want to learn how to wield a blade." The Lannister lion smiled at me.

Chezney moved off to the side and nudged her head in the direction of Jaime telling me to go. Sucking in a breath I finally caved in wrapping my fingers around the blade a little tighter than a minute ago. "Okay I suppose we can practice a little." Stepping forward I take the first swing towards him thinking that this might not be as bad.

Yet Jaime only let me have confidence for a brief period of time where he swung at me and I ducked, dropping to my knees. Our swords hit one another but he pushed me into the dust. "Relax your dominant arm. If you use the same move all the time your opponent can learn which arm is the weakest."

I raise my sword trying to strike him but he lightly elbows me in my side to strike me from below. "So why did you really come out here for -uh!" I grunted out, pressing my sword against his. He pressed his sword against mine, never losing gaze with mine. His green eyes holding love with his face remaining the serious one he uses in battle. We never break the hold on each other as he finally answers my earlier question.

"The king has informed me that we are to ride North. He claims to be wanting to make Eddard Stark his new Hand of the King." He lowers his blade and takes a few steps backwards away from me.

Lowering my blade I tilted my head to the side. "Why would we need to ride North?"

"It's a command by the King, Lady Velaryon. You don't go against the royal family unless you wish to lose your head." He told me to slide the sword in the holder on his hip.

Chezney came over to my side where I slid the blade in the belt that was attached to the tunic I was wearing. "I suppose you're right."

"I'd suggest you ladies dress warmly." He responded.

Chezney looped her arm through mine once more about to leave. "Thanks for the advice, Ser."

"I assume that you'll be riding a horse with the men, Haelesa and not in the carriage." Yet he spoke up one more time, having us halt in our tracks one more time. Sending him a head nod I glanced over my shoulder and then Chezney and I went to pack some things for the second trip.

It took many long days ahead that I did spend in the carriage with the queen and her children until the guards had informed us we were near Winterfell. The next time we stopped Chezney followed me and Jaime on horseback not caring what looks his sister had given us for not acting like proper ladies. The wind ran through my hair and my nose ran a little stuffed up from the new sense of cold that surrounded us. Glancing out in front of me I came into a view of a large castle in front of us that had some torches burning around its entrance clearly to keep some warmth there. The royal family enters through the gate and I turned my gaze hearing King Robert struggle to get off his horde from how fat his stomach appears to be as he stops in front of the man I assumed was Lord of Winterfell. "Your Grace."

Robert eyed the man in front of him. "You've got fat....Cat!" The two men laughed before he embraced both him and his wife with red hair.

She greeted him once they broke the hug. "Your Grace."

"Nine years. Why haven't I seen you, Ned? Where the hell have you been?" Robert asked the man Ned who was clearly his friend.

"Guarding the North for you, Your Grace. Winterfell is yours." The queen and her other children descend from the coach as the lord of Winterfell responds.

Chezney got assistance climbing down off her horse and I was about to do the same until I heard a young girl's voice. "Where's the Imp?"

"Will you shut up?" The girl that was older with hair that looked like her mother's snapped back.

Shaking my head I couldn't help but watch the whole scene before me. The king began going down the line first stopping at the oldest boy who appeared to have dark curly auburn hair and the same eyes of his mother. "Who have we here? You must be Robb." He shook hands with the king and then glanced my way making me look the opposite direction.

Next the king went to the two girls. The one all dressed properly like her mother smiled. "My, you're a pretty one...Your name is?"

"Arya.' Said the young girl who looked to be rather uncomfortable in the dress she wore and honestly I could relate with her.

The king went to one of the young Stark boys who showed his muscle to him. "Ooh. Show us your muscles. You'll be a soldier."

"That's Jaime Lannister. The queen's twin brother." Whipping my head back around at Jaime he removed his helmet tossing around the blonde hair and dismounted his horse.

The oldest Stark girl grumbled to her sister once more with the queen approaching the family. "Would you please shut up."

The king spoke to Eddard. "Take me to your crypt. I want to pay my respects."

The queen sighed clearly tired. "We've been riding for a month, my love. Surely the dead can wait." But the king led Ned off and ignored her sentence altogether.

Arya looks around before everyone starts breaking off in different directions. "Where's the Imp?"

Jaime had left after talking with Cersei leaving me and Chezney on our own. Running my hands over my horse he made a quiet nose where I attempted to get off the horse without any help. Yet my boot got caught in one of the foot straps where I screamed gripping the saddle thinking that I'm gonna hit the dirt. "Agh!...huh." I felt strong arms that couldn't belong to my best friend hold me up when my boot fell from the strap and my body was pressed against the front of whoever it was.

"It's a good thing my mother sent me over here to help you otherwise you would have had a nasty fall, my lady." I recognized the voice of the young Robb Stark who helps me to my feet and doesn't remove his hands until I'm stable on the ground.

Turning around to face the Northern boy I smiled getting a better look at him. His eyes were bright and I could see the curls better now. To my surprise I found him more attractive then Jaime which I could only assume was because Robb was near my age of seven and ten. "Thank you for catching me, my lord. I must sadly admit this is my first time on a horse."

"It's quite alright you'll get used to it in time. And please my father is Lord of Winterfell so I'd ask you'd just call me Robb, my lady." He suggested staring down at me but he wasn't nearly as tall as Jaime was.

Shaking my head, I corrected the wolf boy. "I'd prefer if you'd call me Haelesa, Robb. We're not in fancy lessons at the moment." Running a hand down my tunic I changed into some thicker pants and stole one of the Lannister red cloaks over my shoulders for warmth. Chezney was wearing a simple ocean blue dress, some brown winter boots, and a yellow fur cloak and her brown hair put up in a messy bun.

"It's nice to meet you, Haelesa." He greeted me with a cheeky smile.

Chezney came over to us and extended her hand to him in excitement. "Hi Robb, I'm Chezney. Her best friend and lady in waiting."

"It's nice to meet you both." Robb shook her hand firmly gesturing his head back in the direction of the castle offering me his arm. I looped my arm through his and Chezney followed him on his other side. "Come, I'll personally show you Winterfell." I sent him a smile, already feeling better about being around the young wolf than the oldest lion.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[askuemki]

So I have no idea if I’ll keep this post up, but…

A little rant abt re8?? (And cod.. kinda) maybe venting (just a mess :,)

Disclaimer, take my opinions with a grain of salt I just wanna ramble lmao

Also spoilers, maybe (update, definitely)

So I’ve been having fun dipping my toes into Donna Beneviento (god her last name is hard to spell) content. After watching the gameplays and to at least have a basic understanding for the game, I find myself really drawn to her, maybe more than Alcina tbh

By no means i’m a diehard fan or anything, recently it’s been hard to find a new fandom to get attached towards. As much as I adore cod, there isnt really much to get attached too… like sure, task 141 is a fun group and the there is some GREAT art about the ships- but I only got attached because of Valeria, I won’t deny it at all. I’m a diehard lesbian, but there isn’t really much cannon content of her?? It’s really damn disappointing sometimes, man… same with Laswell. I appreciate all of the fanartists out there though, I adore all of the content here, fanfics or fan art. With Farah, she’s a diffrent story.. personally I never really got attached to her, but as a character she’s pretty neat. Her story sort of brings to light the horrors happening today which is a bit of a benefit…?? But ever since I found out things about both Valeria’s and Farah’s actors I’ve been a little off about things here and there. I don’t think I’ll stop posting Valeria content at all, it just might be a little less offen to indulge in different things.

Some personal things have been happening to make me feel really disconnected from like.. fucking everything for some reason?? Like I’m drifting away from fandoms, I’m drifting away from people and I’m like alone again.. I’m lost in a damn dumpster fire. AI art doesn’t help with this at all.. like why do I draw?? I’ve been drawing since I was in kindergarten like I never really thought of the specifics of perusing art, more or so just that I want to. Like hey, I wanna make a game or movie series, and something in me doesn’t realize I need to put in the effort to learn shit with just ends up in me doing nothing but self pitting on something I can change and ugh.. wish I can slap myself to get out of it.

So I think I’ve been kind of finding myself relating to Donna. Not in her extreme way, more or so just her aspect of being isolated, and just being known primarily for one thing. Like.. our side of art? Damn. Shit. I think I’m worth nothing.. and with Donna we don’t really know much about her besides her being a cursed Dollmaker, and the bare bones of her past. And we both barely fucking speak man… both hide our faces too !! maybe I kin this woman or something I don’t know

But as I was looking through her tumblr tag, I saw a rant about how headcannons and stuff has been stripping away the interesting stuff about the re8 villains… and with the things I’ve seen so far?? I can kinda agree, honestly.

Don’t get me wrong, if it’s not too.. insane? (I know those boundaries are hard to define at times, but maybe REALLY immoral shit for our “normal” world) and people aren’t forcing these headcannons into other people? I don’t mind headcannons. You do you, boo!

But the fan content I’ve seen, people reduce Donna and Alcina (I’m surprised it was pronounced as AlCHIna and not AlSIna, but side tangent over) from the potential they really have. Yeah it’s definitely nice to see Donna more, especially in those intimate moments.. but sometimes I feel like people just depict her as some shy, easily gullible, girl, and not really the mentally deprived woman she is. Like I’d love to see ideas of the different dolls Donna could create, or unique imagery of her mental state outside of having porcelain skin. What about the kinds of plants she takes care of? Or the dolls she makes? I’d love to see more of it, whether she has favorites, or if it’s a situation where she has doll replicas of her deceased family. Man, I really wanna see Donna do more creepy shit, basically.

With Alcina however? She’s kind of reduced to that (I’m going to cringe at these words so terribly, god help me) “hot vampire mommy”.. I’ll take fault for not looking into her content as much, I’m sure there’s great content out there !! (I’m not sure if anyone would do this but.. feel free to send me any fic recommendations or art) With what I want to see for her? I’ve heard from the rant post as a man-hating woman she had primarily female statues in her castle, it would be fun to see what else she has cause of this worldview, as well as more whitty remarks from her; I really enjoy her throwback with Heisenberg. Just in general.. her being a comical villain.

Okay so, the reason why I made this post in the first place before all of this shit threw up from my brain. Belladonna. At first, this ship really interested me, I like the character dynamics, the art was neat. But then something came up in my mind.. (as well as another rant post on the ship..) isn’t the Dimitrescu bloodline related with Donna? Both are failed experiments from Mother Miranda, and technically adopted by her. Though from what I know, Donna is the only one officially adopted. So would that be family..? I’ve seen a few places where Alcina called Donna her sister, and it makes me feel really off.

And I’ve seen in a few fanarts, Donna technically older than the Dimitrescu sisters posed next to them like another sibling??

I would like to endorse the ship, but just the morality of everything is off centered for me. I rather not support weird incest…

So please if people could maybe clarify for me whether it would technically be okay for support this ship.. I’d appreciate it. If it isn’t okay, I have plans on making a fan character anyways, or I can take current characters and make a resident evil au or something, and ship them when Donna. (I have a character that honestly looks like a mix of Alcina and Bela, but by no means she’s relates to the franchise, lmao)

By no means I’m experienced in resident evil lore or the fandom, this is just coming from a newer fan of the series, and what I’ve seen so far.

If you read all of this.. thank you?? I apologize if I sound ridiculous here, this is like the only place I can rant abt things without being brushed off for other shit

Good night now!!! I need to stop pushing my sleep boundaries ugh

[arson-jpg]

𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 (𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲)

i.

The Feeling Child

im scared to talk about my feelings because it all sounds stupid, or is it because im scared that if i open up, people are going to leave me?

that no matter what i do, they'll end up slipping through my fingers like fine sand and ill be left alone, again. maybe I'm really just an idiot after all, im always wary of opening up yet in the end i always get attached.

maybe mum was right, i grew up too fast.

i was exposed to things i was never supposed to see. maybe I could go back to that kid who enjoyed other people's company, the kid who didn't seem to care what others thought about her. when days were simple and i didn't have a care in the world. maybe i could be that child again.

ii.

What I Was and Am Supposed to Let Go

sometimes i feel like my emotions are a mess, because they are.

i constantly forget things that are important but the memories of things that have hurt or made me feel something warm are always stacked in a certain compartment in my little mind.

i tried to remember what it felt like back in those times.

the hurt and shock when Theo left, the laughter i shared with my friends, the pain of betrayal, the love we both shared.

but which one of those memories were really the cause of all this? the emptiness i feel inside even when i laugh, the random episodes of loneliness and hurt, it all didn't connect. it never did.

maybe it was the pain of forcing myself to try and move on when i knew i couldn't.

maybe it was because i forced myself to move on when i shouldn't have.

maybe i was to hold on to those very same memories that shaped the person that i am today.

iii.

Academic Achiever Disorder

even with all my first place medals, achievements, awards, i still felt like a walking second place medal in everything else. the weight of silver buckets hanging off my shoulders while i worked my way up the hill only to find a mountain.

i remember being a kid who was so determined to be at the top. and then i became a slouch, a stranger to my own personality. i remember being a hardworking third grader with sparkles in her eyes and greater grades than my own. i wonder what she'd tell me now, that ive become a shell of my own being. I wonder if she'd smile and tell me everything would be alright as long as i kept trying, or if she would look at me, then frown at how useless ive become.

or maybe she'd remind me that no matter how hard life may get, we have ourselves to count on, even if we don't believe it. we may have lost a lot of things along the way, some things we thought would be forever. she'd smile at me then start to fade as i tried to grasp on a stack of fog, only to wake up from a fever dream.

[this isn't exactly the final thingg?? so opinions are really welcome because i wrote this out of nowhere at like 9pm two weeks ago and the og one was WAAAYY longer and shittier so yeah tell me whatcha guys think!!]

taglist!! [ @peapea-0405 @localburntoutkid @sunnies-theory-of-happiness @under-the-purple-starsss @cceanvvaves @boberi-matcha @bite-my-pink-neon-pulse @poorly-adapted-literary-freak ] lmk if you wanna be added!!

[eri-pl]

Forgive me for asking, but when you say you like Morgoth do you mean you find him an entertaining character or that you think he had a point?

Oh. This will be long. Thank you for asking! (And I guess the parts that you feel needs forgiving is assuming that I may agree with him? I don't think you had enough data. Anyway if there's a need, I forgive you. I hope it's not "forgive me for sending asks", I like getting asks, especially actual asks! (As opposed to reblog chains and other random fun stuff which I sometimes like sometimes not))

No, Morgoth did not have a valid point in his rebellion. More details under the cut (it's long).

But he had a point, in the sense that he existed for a reason. (He much failed this point.) I think it shows through at times. Even if he wasn't evil, I think he was meant to be a trickster, challenger and the starting point of changes.

Like, I can see a situation where stealing the Silmarils would not be wrong (and not involve murder. It is far from canon, but if Feanor got obsessed with them without Melkor's "help", stealing the gems and leaving them in some funny place could be helpful. The classic fairy tale trickster.

So, in this sense he had a point.

But his actual goals as started in the book? Nope. 100% nope.

Like, yesterday I had my own teenage child look at me strangely when I said that I relate to Hurin's reaction. Not with the name-calling, but the "nope you are not as powerful as you say, this is not true and I don't care what you do to me about it" part. It is the valid reaction, in my opinion. L

But there's more in my liking for Morgoth than "I find him entertaining" (however this is true too at some points, mostly BoLT).

It's mostly "he's spawning a lot of headcanons in my head and I relate to them". It's a difference between "Morgoth as Tolkien seems to have intended him" and "Morgoth as I read him", which is a small difference in a way, but also a big one.

Ok let's address the elephant. I have no problem internalizing "Eru is God". But at the same time I have a lot of a problem internalizing "and Melkor is the devil".

This is a strange combo but that's what my brain does and I can't much avoid it.

His reasons are too relatable. Wrong but relatable. Very human. "I was not paying attention, busy with fantasies of power to soothe my insecurities and now when I have to do a creative activity with people, I can't sync with them" is a very relatable situation to me (I played a lot of ttrpg) and trying to fix it by being a jerk is something I have done. It's wrong but... I can't condemn a character for things I have done too.

(I realized I started explaining me reading of Melkor|Morgoth through his whole career, so here it goes)

And then he gets angry, which is stupid but still relatable. And makes orcs from elves which is awful but also canon cannot decide what exactly happened also it's too easy to assume he didn't realize they were actual persons...

And he corrupts humans? The tale of Adanel? What was her name? That one in Morgoth's ring, close to Athrabeth... It's one of 2 places where he actually reads (for me) as satanic as intended... Until the part where am obvious void-spider-related trauma shows. Which makes no sense in the timeline, but the whole story has huge timeline problems.

Then he gets captured. And again, my angst-living narrative brain assumes that he did try to behave better, just didn't put much effort in it. And then he met Feanor, and I have a while essay on how this triggered Melkor's narcissistic injury or whatever to call the issues he had. Not for Feanor's fault, just... Wrong time, wrong place, wrong family drama.

Yes, his reaction to that was unarguably evil. But also I can't stop myself from imagining extremely strong emotional pain behind it. It's like... I can't force myself to be so angry at him to enjoy the idea of "Morgoth's gonna get destroyed, yay!". There's too much pain on this (which is not in the book just in my head, I know)

He streaks the Silmarils, and keeps them when though they burn, because to do otherwise would be a period that he was wrong. And all his further decisions (again, unarguably evil) are made under extreme pain and distress of holy gems judging him all the time. (Look how they impacted Maedhros and Maglor. How much despair they got. And Morgoth is so much more).

He's evil, but also I can't with confidence say that I would never do similar things, especially in the circumstances. Evil but who am I to judge.

Like, at the end of of, it comes back to "I can't see the Valar ( including Melkor) as 100% good or bad, they're too human to be proper angels". Even Manwe (semi-)canonically makes a moral mistake. Some texts (not in published Silm) day that the Valar showed lack of estel by (making Valinor? Inviting elves? Sorry, I forgot the details) and that is a moral falling.

Don't get me wrong, it is a very small one, and I'm not trying to equate Manwe with Morgoth or anything, just to say that the Valar are less absolute than I would expect angels to be. (Not an expert on angels though)

(I love Manwe, he's wonderful, overworked, burned out but still trying, he's a sweet, good, idealistic birb. Who is not an angel. I love them all, even Orome who is canonically vengeful and I consider this a problem, and Yavanna who is really irritating at times. And let's not forget poor, bullied Aule who is a walking proof of the "not 100%".)

And with all that I've said before, I can't help but to project many of my issues and character failings at Morgoth. Yes, he's evil. I've also been evil. Technically less so, but I like to go things to 11 when projecting.

And another huge topic is how wonderful he would be if he wasn't evil, because he's got some of my favorite aesthetics and themes (void, paradoxes, out of the box thinking, trickster archetype, jak of all trades... Even the fire and ice thing has its beauty).

Sometimes I really want to punch him in the face for wasting all that. Just, not lethally.

And the beauty of what he could be is probably what pushes him in my head from the "I'm sorry for them being evil" category of evil and evil-leaning characters (which includes Sauron, fir example ) or the "eeewgh but I'm sorry for them anyway" (Ar-Pharazon , Gollum, all the exceptionally uncool bad guys) to "I'm sorry for them but also I like them no matter how little sense it makes". Ymmv, I have a strange aesthetics sometimes.

Also, he got defeated in the book and that gives him compassion points in my brain. I do feel sorry for him. No matter what I try to do with my brain, I can't stop. I just can't. One day I'll figure out how to untangle it but now I don't know.

Last but not least, I love some comedic takes. For me, comedy didn't ask what's right or wrong, just explores ideas... It's like a brain cleaner, a bit like dreams. It's allowed more than more serious genres. I do enjoy comedic Morgoth (Hurinovy Deti does it really well, also some fics and comics with that one ship... It's just funny. And it's not like they portray him as being right, just... Don't focus on him being evil, just in the comedy?)

To clear something that I left hanging: the second scene where Morgoth is as-probably-intended is "the words of Morgoth and Hurin" or what's it called. Sorry, I'm on vacations, so I'm doing less fact-checking. It works for me. If Tolkien gave Morgoth more dialogue, my mental image of him would probably be more as intended.

Also, to not leave it unsaid: he canonically tries rape, I think twice. I am aware of this. This is very awful. And evil. Still, doesn't make me see him as irredeemable. I just don't see people as irredeemable and I can't read the books as (probably?) intended and not see Morgoth and all the Valar in the category of "people".

It's probably more complicated by the fact that Tolkien's intent did change in time, but I'm not an expert and I don't know how it changed about the Valar, especially Morgoth. So it's not like there is one canon that is 100% coherent, and I'm not even sure which parts of my reading I should call a headcanon and which not.

Tldr: I don't like Satan (that was an understatement), I like Morgoth probably because I have issues which I like projecting on fictional characters and he works well for that, also I make some (hopefully) interesting headcanons and that's it. Hope this answered your question.

[utilitycaster]

but you do have to admit that you write your 2k meta's mostly because you want (negative) attention? otherwise I don't understand why you are not writing more of your faves instead?

Sure! I can explain why I wrote this piece, which I assume is the reason you're asking this now.

I wrote it because I naturally had thoughts about the group dynamics of Bells Hells after the episode and started thinking about why this group is so disconnected this far into the campaign when, for example, the Mighty Nein, who had far more friction and conflict early on in the campaign, were positively ride or die by this point. I also really did genuinely find the degree of pressure that Imogen and Laudna have been putting on Fearne to be excessive and had been quietly thinking about it since episode 75 - they were the ones to initially make a big deal about "Emperor and Empress" (the fact that Ashton mentioned the party's positive reinforcement of the shard's retrieval being a factor in their choice is relevant here), I was reminded by someone else regarding Laudna's immediate shutdown of Fearne's attempt to tell the truth in episode 77, and then they called her out in front of everyone after she had expressed that she didn't want it to Morri. It made a clear pattern that I felt was interesting to explore, and in doing so I started asking myself if there were other patterns of behavior. I linked to someone else's post as well in there that talked about how Imogen and Laudna pretty much always act together in group discussions in my post because that was also an inspiration, and I've also talked a lot in the past about how Imogen and Laudna rarely bring up their own sources of conflict with each other, so the fact that their accusations towards Fearne are in the same scene where Imogen expresses disgust about Delilah's presence also is very relevant to their general group dynamics, since their own relationship with each other is very central to how they interact with the group.

I do write about my favorite characters as well. I wrote pretty extensively about Ashton after episode 78, as well as a bit about their conversation with Orym, but Ashton just had their big moment of explosion and I need to let that simmer or something else to happen before I have any longer posts. I've also, if not written anything myself, reblogged a lot of great posts about Chetney's fantastic reveal which I think tied up that whole exercise beautifully with a truth that was not a passive-aggressive accusation of others nor a self-flagellation but a realization of his own behaviors as well as an explanation to the group without expecting anything in return. In talking about the shard I did touch on my main feelings about Fearne in this situation but again I think I need to see how she actually reacts to the information she received here to actually have meta of substance, rather than "oh, interesting." And you can go through my archives if you'd like to see more; I'm usually pretty good about tagging by character.

But also: I like writing criticism, specifically. It is fun for me. I find that writing helps me arrange my ideas and understand them better, and sometimes I even change my opinion when I revisit the text or find my argument doesn't hold together on an intellectual level, even if I feel something emotionally. I've changed my mind about characters before through writing meta! Sometimes more positively, sometimes more negatively, but it happens, because the act of writing meta, if you do so well, is an act of interrogating your own pre-existing opinions and making sure they make sense to people who aren't you.

I also think there's value in writing things that aren't universally positive. Again, it forces you to actually think through what isn't working for you or what you dislike or what traits characters have that you think are causing problems for people around them rather than just saying UGH THIS SUCKS. But also, writing up how you'd fix a plot you don't like or how you'd resolve a conflict requires you have empathy for the creators or for the characters. Sometimes, even if a piece isn't, in your opinion, good, writing criticism of it helps you understand why a creator may have made that choice you didn't like. You can disagree or dislike something while still respecting it, and making yourself explain it to other people is a really good way to process your own feelings rather than stewing in them. I find people who never express any negativity openly are often deeply resentful and unpleasant and passive-aggressive. Indeed, that's arguably the whole point of that honesty exercise! This party keeps trying to smooth things over and so a lot of valid concerns or complaints they have about each other have since metastasized into something far more hurtful.

I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of meta writers write meta because it's genuinely a fun hobby for them. When I was writing my piece about Dimension 20's genre experiments I stayed up later than I should have several times because it was interesting and I wanted to make sure I didn't forget how I was planning out the piece. I like writing a lot, and I've always preferred to write essays and criticism to fiction - I like to think I have a knack for the former that doesn't come as naturally for the latter. My brain jumps to analysis more easily than the invention of plot.

If you don't like the things I chose to write about, that's completely valid. But I'm not doing it for negative attention. I'm doing it because it's enjoyable for me. How you respond to it and how it makes you, specifically, feel, doesn't enter into my consideration. It's 2k words because that's how long it took me to say what I was thinking and it's about Imogen and Laudna's effect on the group dynamic as I understand it because that's what I was thinking about since it was very present in this episode, and I wrote it because I like writing.

Hopefully that explains it!

[lemonduckisnowawake]

Rating (the translated, not actually OG) titles of manhwa/manga because I was bored

Monstrous Duke's Adopted Daughter/The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - not egregiously long but boring when the story is actually interesting. 6/10. Rename it with something more snappish like the Adopted Shadow or whatever. idk. Have I mentioned I've been banned from naming things?

My In-Laws Are Obsessed with Me - 4/10. Also not horrible but it's clearly a clickbaity title and I roll my eyes. Better to rename it to like ..... something to do with blood maybe? Or if you want to keep it family-themed. Blood Ties? Also boring and you can tell I'm speaking from a western YA-genre reader perspective?

Beware the Villainess - 8/10. This needs no change

The Perks of Being an S-Class Heroine - .... it's exactly what the title says, ngl. 7/10. But it could be better and less of a summary. Don't know what, though

The Noble Girl Who Finds a Nerdy and Plain Guy Moe Thinks That the Arrogant Prince Is in the Way - 0/10. I just. Why? The official English title is something like The Lady Likes a Nerd over Princes, which I found weird but the summary was interesting (turns out it was a good manga. But the author just has zero respect for the agency of women. Like. Comically so that it's not even funny as it gets a tad bit narratively frustrating as it's used as a device to drag on the plot) Anyway. Just why?

An Archdemon's Dilemma: How to Love Your Elf Bride - 2/10. Not as unforgivable as the previous but horrible all the same. And while the concept was interesting and I gave it a try because it was a rec, it turned out to not be for me at all. The title is dramatic, I'll give you that. It reads like it's a self help book for demon kings who want to learn how to Love and that's basically the manga

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End/Frieren at the Funeral/Frieren the Slayer - 10/10. Look. Any of those titles are good. It doesn't pop out but neither does it force you to hide the title out of fear of being misunderstood

The Savior's Book Cafe Story in Another World - 5/10. Inoffensive but another summary title. You could have literally just called it the Savior's Otherworld Cafe instead. Or something

I Listened to My Husband and Brought in a Lover - 1/10. Encourages cheating with consent. Actually, the manhwa kinda did too (the husband cheated first and was like you should cheat too). At least people know what they're in for? Don't want to retitle it. It deserves it for starting with decent potential for that premise and kinda failing to deliver.

I Stole the Number One Ranker's Soul - 6/10. Again, it's pretty catchy and not terrible but I still don't like these summary titles. Manhwa is amazing, however.

Can't Stop Cursing You - 8/10. Dying laughing because it reads as someone going "man, I just... can't stop cursing you. Really can't help myself you know? Sorry not sorry" while zapping you repeatedly with curses. Still pretty stupid when the actual manga was REALLY shiny with all that horror and bloody gore and interesting plot

Gingerly in Love - 10/10. Trust me. Once I saw what it was about, I died laughing. Not the most memorable manhwa but the wordplay of the title....

The Tyrant Wants to Be Good - 6/10. Again. Inoffensive but there's something annoying to me personally. The manhwa is great, though. Love me a woman who makes her trauma everyone else's problem, regrets it, and then internalizes the guilt in her do-over at life so bad that she ends up getting aggressively adopted into a found family

I Got a New Skill Every Time I Was Exiled, and After 100 Different Worlds, I Was Unmatched - 0/10. Why are isekai titles actually the worst sometimes. Manga itself is meh, in my opinion. It has potential ruined by the usual commodification of women, so I dropped it despite my interest

Bonus:

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court - 3/10. Twain really was isekai titling when he probably didn't know that Japan was even a thing, huh. Not terrible, but it has that isekai style of summarizing the premise.

Bonus again:

The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders Who was born in Newgate, and during a life of continu’d Variety for Threescore Years, besides her Childhood, was Twelve Years a Whore, five times a Wife (whereof once to her brother) Twelve Years a Thief, Eight Years a Transported Felon in Virginia, at last grew Rich, liv’d Honest and died a Penitent - -10/10. It was an okay book but you shouldn't have had this power over your book titles, Daniel Defoe. Seriously. My edition just says "Moll Flanders". Never have I wanted to shame a dead author more. It's not even an isekai but it's worse than an isekai title. It's a whole anime opening credits.

[phoebosacerales]

hey just passing by because I have something i'm not very sure about. I'm a bit confused about what factors are necessary to consider that a planet is afflicted and the effects ot those.

I mean, I can tell it's afflicted when it's obvious, for example an aries venus in the 8th (detriment +malefic house) that only has squares or oppositions (this is not a personal placement btw, is just a random example). In this cases, ok, I got it.

BUT what if this same aries venus in the 8th has only trines/sextiles and no harsh aspects, is it still considered afflicted?

Another scenario: Aries Venus in the 8th. Let's say it has an opposition with Mars and a Square with Saturn but is trine with a domiciled Jupiter in Sagittarius and has a good aspect with the Moon. Would this Venus in this case be afflicted or not? Or what if it has only harsh aspects and ONE good aspect but the planet is aspecting is a strong one? For example, let's take away the aspect with the moon and it's only trine with the domiciled Jupiter.

Lmao another scenario. Idk, a planet in peregrine, Venus conjunct Moon in Leo the 5h. Apparently this is ok but what if that Venus and that Moon are receiving a pretty good amount of negative aspects so they, separately, are afflicted. Then this conjunction would count as a harsh aspect and not a good one, right?

Another question: afflicted Saturn and afflicted Mars are making a trine. Would this aspect, that in theory is positive, turn into negative considering the condition of the planets involved is not good and that they're two malefics? Would this cause an effect kind of like two villains allying their forces to cause disaster in your chart? Or is this aspect always positive no matter what and it's just easing the malefic effects of these planets?

lol and like this I have many more possible scenarios, but you already got the gist.

Would you say people that have charts full of afflicted planets have more difficult life circunstances or are way more complex people than the ones who don't? Or that they're more prone to express the negative traits associated to the placement? my older sister has an awful venus and a chart with tons of tense aspects however she is nowhere close to being a toxic bitch nor an awful being, actually it's quite the opposite, she's a pretty admirable character and everybody sees her as kind of a role model.

I'm sorry for the loooong ask

xoxo,

Kira🌻

First of all, the natal chart is not entirely about a person's character. Astrology is not a type of "astropsychology", the natal chart shows a person's life, and bad things happen to good people (and vice-versa).

And about your question, it's a matter of nuance. It seems like you're having a hard time not seeing things as just black or white. People have complicated lives, sometimes there's good and bad things about parts of our lives.

The thing about this is that different astrologers will tell you different things. I find it better to study one author and try to apply the things he teaches and then see for myself how much of his techniques I think I could work with. In my opinion, aspects don't mean good or bad things, they show the type of dynamic between two planets or more. At least that's how I personally see it. Trines are easy aspects, makes the actions of the two planets always be in agreement or in support of each other, but whether this is subjectively good, that depends.

But you also seem stuck on abstraction, because when things get complicated with the technical side, you only need to ask the person you're reading for to make sense of it. What kind of money problems does this hypothetical person with Aries Venus in the 8th has? What kind of losses they had in their life? Maybe they suck at managing their own money but had help from family or had a good inheritance with that Jupiter in the 4th. But an astrologer has to listen to the person's context, no natal chart makes sense without a real person attached to it.

Since I've been studying Angelina Jolie's chart on my Patreon, I'll use her as an example:

Saturn in Cancer on the ascendant sounds pretty bad, huh? But for Hellenistic astrology for example, angularity means a lot more than sign dignity sometimes. Her Saturn is the first triplicty ruler of her sect light, that planet being angular means good material support from the beginning. Because the triplicity lords of the sect light have a role of assisting in the management of life.¹ Just for the fact that it's angular, it already garantees a good start in a wealthy family.

But well, we see how complicated this malefic is. It's Saturn in Cancer in the 1st, on her body, ruling the 8th house, "afflicting" Venus, with a harsh and inferior aspect with Mars. But then, Jupiter also makes an aspect with it, and it's very tight in a superior position, remeding Saturn's influence. And Venus' influence on Saturn is also pretty strong and benefic as the ruler of the Lot of Fortune and 11th house.

This basically makes me think of her family history with cancer and her prevention treatment. Her risks were very high, she lost the women in her family, she had to have surgeries to remove breasts and ovaries, got a premature menopouse because of that and has to do hormone replacement therapy, but she's perfectly alive and healthy despite odds and she was still able to become a mother of 6 children.

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¹ Ancient Astrology in Theory and Practice: A Manual of Traditional Techniques, Volume II: Delineating Planetary Meaning. Part Nine, Chapter 89.