#but sometimes I find myself forcing myself to have the same opinion as her

[qishylia-adelia]

UPDATE UPDATE

FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO BUY SWEET HONEY, IT'LL ARRIVE AT 16 DECEMBER AT BEST.ALSO GOT A PHYSICAL VERSION OF CHERRY CRUSH LETS GOOO

[inkskinned]

sometimes we just need someone to pay enough attention.

for the longest time i had been trying to read The Lord of The Rings. everyone had sung the praises for it, over and over. i'd seen clips of the movie and it seemed like it could be fun, but actually reading it was fucking horrible.

my parents had the omnibus - all the books squished into one big tome - and in the 4th grade i started sort of an annual tradition: i would start trying to read TLR and get frustrated after about a month and put it back down. at first i figured i was just too young for it, and that it would eventually make sense.

but every time i came back to it, i would find myself having the exact same experience: it was confusing, weird, and dry as a fucking bone. i couldn't figure it out. how had everyone else on earth read this book and enjoyed it? how had they made movies out of this thing? it was, like, barely coherent. i would see it on "classics" list and on every fantasy/sci-fi list and everyone said i should read it; but i figured that it was like my opinion of great expectations - just because it's a classic doesn't mean i'm going to like experiencing it.

at 20, i began the process of forcing myself through it. if i had to treat the experience like a self-inflicted textbook, i would - but i was going to read it.

my mom came across me taking notes at our kitchen table. i was on the last few pages of the first book in the omnibus, and i was dreading moving on to the next. she smiled down at me. only you would take notes on creative writing. then she sat down and her brow wrinkled. wait. why are you taking notes on this?

i said the thing i always said - it's boring, and i forget what's happening in it because it's so weird, and dense. and strange.

she nodded a little, and started to stand up. and then sat back down and said - wait, will you show me the book?

i was happy to hand it over, annoyed with the fact i'd barely made a dent in the monster of a thing. she pulled it to herself, pushing her glasses up so she could read the tiny writing. for a moment, she was silent, and then she let out a cackle. she wouldn't stop laughing. oh my god. i cannot wait to tell your father.

i was immediately defensive. okay, maybe i'm stupid but i've been trying to read this since the 4th grade and -

she shook her head. raquel, this is the Silmarillion. you've been reading the Silmarillion, not the lord of the rings.

anyway, it turns out that the hobbit and lord of the rings series are all super good and i understand why they're recommended reading. but good lord (of the rings), i wish somebody had just asked - wait. this kind of thing is right up your alley. you love fantasy. it sounds like something might be wrong. why do you think it's so boring?

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕊𝕙𝕪 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: Hihi saw your req were still open so if you dont mind, may i request wrio and thoma with fem reader who is quiet and shy but loves to hug and cling onto them! And sometimes she talks and rants about her interests so much that she doesnt even realise then gets all shy again!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Hello! Yeah! They were at the time you requested!

And helppp somehow I find it so similar yet a bit different from myself- Either way, I enjoyed writing it actually! So hopefully you'll like it as well! ^^

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

✧ Thoma definitely fell for your shyness but it actually doesn't mean at all he thought of you less when you began to get affectionate! In fact, he found that little break cute~

✧ it felt like he's your trustworthy person and he wasn't even thinking about letting that opinion down

✧ at the early stage of your relationship, when you were still more shy than affectionate, he was really supportive and reassuring! He'd initiate any small affections for you, like holding hands, hugs, etc...

✧ but when he started seeing signs of you opening up like initiating more and more acts and talking about more topics with him... he decided to not mention it as to kot discourage you, but it definitely melted his heart

✧ now, when you start to ramble, he literally stops anything he's doing just to look you on the eyes with that soft smile and nod his head with ocassional "mhm" to let you know he's listening to whatever you have to say to him

✧ same goes for affection actually! If you ask or initiate one, he's not gonna just decline!! So he immidietly returns and drops whatever he's doing if needed. If anything, the hug or so is just gonna be a bit shorter because he doe shave work after all...

"Why won't we go back to it another time? Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy you want to get this affectionate with me! But... I do need to clean Kamisato Estate... just give me an hour and I'll be at your disposal, okey?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot - come get your perfect malewife~

✧ at the beginning, Wriothesley may not be the one who looks soft towards shy people but he actually is a big sweetheart!

✧ the most he's gonna do is wrap an ark around your shoulder or eventually hold your hand, since he doesn't want to force you or make you uncomfortable

✧ but when you start opening up and show more affections, he learns what you are and what you're not comfortable with! So he initiates more acts, just like you!

✧ he's gonna support you no matter what, but when you're opening up slowly, he can't help but push his luck a little bit and drop one small teasing line

✧ if it makes you slow down drastically, he'll note to himself to never do that again tho...

✧ as for rambling... it all depends of the situation he's in right now. If he's busy with something at the moment, hell either listen you with one ear and ask you to repeat it later or he'll just ask you to move this conversation to another time

✧ BUT if he's not busy..!! Then he'll even make you two tea so you can sit enjoy your time as you ramble about anything that's on your mind

"Oh? Getting chatty are we~? No, no, it wasn't supposed to discourage you... I was actually interested in the topic."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@bleachtheidiot - come get your teddybear duke~

[cheesecakeluvrs]

Shampoo is my least favorite character in Ranma ½ and I’m tired of pretending she's not

Listen, I tried to be a girls girl, we all know all the “rivals” in Ranma suck and are all terrible people but for most of them I’m able to just look past it and see the comedy. I think both Ukyo and Kodachi are hilarious and I love it when they show up but I just couldn’t force myself to feel the same way about Shampoo. One of the things I actually liked about Ukyo and Kodachi is they don’t love her but a lot of the time they’re able to be chill with Akane. But since Shampoo doesn’t care about Ranma’s feelings and knows he won’t love her she takes to going after the one thing that is stopping her from forcing Ranma to marry her, Akane. She takes Ukyo’s manipulation, Ryoga’s obsession, Kuno’s creepiness, Kodachi’s aggression, multiplies that by 10, adds psychopath and boom you have the fan favorite character. I don’t find her funny, I don’t find her cute, I don’t find her entertaining… I just find her annoying.

I was honestly just able to ignore all this but after spending some time on the internet I learned more and more about the fans of Ranma and Shampoo. Of course, of course, of course, you can ship whoever you like, I don’t care, I mean I’ll have like way less respect for you but I honestly don’t care. The thing that pisses me of is when people bring down Akane in support of their ship. Obviously Akane’s not perfect but she is by far one of the nicest people on the show. Definitely more than any of Ranma’s other fiancées. If you think Akane hitting Ranma sometimes because he is being a jerk is worse than Shampoo actively forcing Ranma into marriage, not giving one thought about his feelings, using all kinds of different magic and manipulation then also on top of that being an outright murderous person to Akane then you need to stop being blinded by the cute little chinese girl who you insist can do no wrong. Also if you really want to get into it Shampoo also hits Ranma along with Akane.

I can’t recall a time off the top of my head (now i'm sure there is) where Shampoo actually cared for Ranma without having some ulterior motive. If you gave her a deal to kill Akane and marry Ranma but he would never be happy again, she would take it in a heartbeat. I just can not see any perspective where Shampoo would be a better choice for Ranma. That boy started crushing on Akane the second they met and definitely hasn’t stopped. He definitely cares for Shampoo as a person but I don’t think he likes her as a person. I mean I think Mousse needs some new glasses because those are clearly not good enough if you think Shampoo is actually worth anything.

Yeah Akane’s not some super strong and amazing martial artists. Sorry she didn’t grow up in some ancient place and has been training since she was an itty bitty baby like all these other people. Thats a part of her character. I heard someone say shes not good enough or good for Ranma because shes not focusing on her training enough and too much on school unlike Shampoo. What? And again again again again opinions opinions opinions opinions you can like or dislike whoever you like… but�� if you dislike Akane while also praising all the other female characters… then of course you're entitled to your opinion but like get outa here.

When a female character is hated that doesn’t deserve it I am here, and if history repeats itself with the remake you people don’t know the crimes I will commit. You know a comment I saw on I think it was Shampoo and Ranma’s wiki, “I’d gladly take her over that bitch Akane”. I’m gonna be real, that's what got me fuming. Did Akane kill your parents? I don’t know man, I’m just a teenage girl, I should be studying for school but instead I do this in my free time. I know a lot of people just can’t write women but I feel like a lot of the time it’s not that the women are written poorly it’s that you go into every show, book, movie, manga, comic, anything with this perception and automatic response to hate on female characters and defend this by saying they’re poorly written. RIP Akane, RIP Sakura, RIP Katara, RIP literally any live action female superhero, RIP Rogue from ‘97, and RIP all my ladies out there.

[lains-reality]

I sincerely apologise for writing this. i feel really conflicted right now. I have been getting suicidal thoughts lately because of my circumstances. Sometime I feel like I don’t even want to exist. I came to non-duality from loa. I spent 3 years trying to “manifest” a peaceful life. Trying to escape from my circumstances and wake up to a completely different life.

I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them. I felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from. I tell myself that I’ll throw my phone aside and start applying but then I get caught up in my problems again and it’s just a cycle on repeat.

I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality.

This is probably the most stupidest thing I have ever asked but could you simply non-duality in a a few sentences? I feel like I have come to the point where I can’t even trust myself to stop over consuming and wishing for change. Thank you.

you might benefit from this and this.

i really would like you to read this!

the body-mind, the "I" you think you are, i'll call them sam!

give up trying to manifest. give up trying to change the world with sam's thoughts and feelings, its torture.

here's the main point:

simple mindfulness is what gurus have asked of us. not convincing, denial or forcing. its observing. 

observe the habit of 'you'. you take the "I" to be the body-mind, sam. sam is a habit, and is sustained through attachment and aversions. drop them.

all you need to fix is your wrong identification. let go of sam and all their stories.

if you find yourself forcing, suppressing, or trying to get rid of sam (something that you don't do), then remember this: god is already perfect. the answer is to surrender.

there's no image or role to maintain. you can just be.

here's a more in depth reminder.

there's so many words for Self: Absolute Perfection, Bliss, Infinite Being, Supreme Reality. i want you to remember I AM. I AM is complete and whole, alone. its just beingness. just as it is. before the world and sam, you are conscious. before wanting, you are conscious.

nondualism's goal is letting go of all the concepts that stop you from seeing Self.

the body-mind is a thought. its an idea. you are already detached from sam. but you don't see it bcs you are identified with them right now. you are attached to your character, and we want to release all those attachments.

"the identity is a shadow. it is not us. analyze your mind briefly, and you will find that is nothing but a byproduct of societal conditioning, peer opinions, books, movies, whatever content you've most willingly consumed." - luvcompass

the mind is just a bunch of thoughts, feelings and memories. are you a thought? are you a story? are you a memory? are you a feeling?

sam is. but you are not sam.

sam doesn't want sam and all the stories anymore (likely because you think you are stuck as sam). but sam never was. sam is an idea, a story. they are a thought in the mind. because you are identified as sam, you see sam. without your awareness on sam, sam wouldn't be.

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa (sam) is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. [source]

The ego is an activity, its not innate, its FORMED.

"Ego (sam) is not an entity. It is an activity. It is an optional activity of identifying itself with a fragment that Consciousness is free to make or not, from moment to moment." [source]

and by habit of taking the "I" to be sam, it continues.

focus on respond vs react. start catching yourself out when you say 'i am ...', start asking questions to yourself abt who 'i' is. start watching your thoughts. learn how to feel your emotions when they come up, don't run away from them or they will continue to come up until you deal with it. this is a process of allowing.

"I make myself promises to like “manifest my desired life my the end this month” or “to stop making the same mistake” but I end up breaking them."

i want you to accept now. you are sam, so you see sam. stop chasing a future that will never come. there's only ever the present moment.

To be identified to your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions. — Eckhart Tolle

what would happen if you stopped using the past as a reference? what would happen if you stopped projecting past stories into the future? what would happen if you stopped thinking of a tomorrow?

"i felt like I over consumed alot and now I don’t know where to begin or what to detach from."

start with "who am i?". anything you can outgrow? not you. anything you can observe ? not you. in the absense of it, you don't disappear? not you. it changes and you don't disappear? not you.

how do you know you are sam except by your belief that you are sam?

"I have to say I’m quite ashamed of myself. Not being able to accomplish anything in my life and disappointing those around me despite knowing the law of assumption and now non-duality."

read this. also, there are no others. you are seeing yourSelf play out.

let go of the shame, regret and guilt. read the linked post, and watch the source from the first quote, it'll help. i also want you to watch this.

give yourself compassion. give yourself space to grow. sam is a random person just like anybody else, so why chastise them for stuff that just happens?

sam cannot do anything in the first place. (what is sam gonna do to change the infinte? why would the infinite need changing anyway?)

you are putting pressure on sam to change the world, but really Self orchestrates all. sam is just another creation of Self. this entire world is Self's expression. give up intellectualising what sam did, maybe it has nothing to do with you and it just happened?

sam is not a problem or mistake!

sam is already part of infinity and exists whether sam likes it or not. you are unconditionally accepted already as perfection or else you wouldn't be here.

“All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” - nisargadatta maharaj

i'm sorry i wrote too much, but i hope this helps! please be safe!

[illicien]

What drew you to winterbaron as a ship? What kind of content do you read? Is it different from the kind of content you write? Would you like to rec a few winterbaron works? My friend is into the ship and I'm trying to see if it's something I might like but all the fics they've recked me are kind of the same in tone so I'm looking for others opinions for some variety.

Hmm! I've sort of answered some of this in the past so sorry to my moots getting this rehash.

A friend of mine dragged me into WinterBaron (kicking and screaming!!!) rather simply, actually, though what kept me here was the more grand implications of her simple origins. I'm kind of a sucker for a true power bottom, and fanart my friend kept sending me implied the fandom saw Zemo as such, and I was at least a little bit intrigued there. Enough to take a deeper look, at least.

The better discovery wasn't that the fandom had decided he was a power bottom, but that there was a strong push and pull of power in their dynamic. Bucky has all the physical power between them, it's a big thing, he's strong as hell. On the other hand, Zemo is just a guy, and yet despite that Bucky should logically have all the power between them, Zemo's intelligence and knowledge tend to leave him with an edge. That continues to be the fascinating concept about Zemo to me, but that's a different matter.

So for me, it's the manipulation, the push and pull of power, it's Bucky trying to break free of being the Winter Soldier and Zemo trying to decide if Bucky's just like every other super soldier. But it's also about understanding that Zemo knows Bucky in ways most people alive don't. He knows and understands Bucky's history as the Winter Soldier both through his research, and as a man who did horrific things on behalf of his country. And that thought can sometimes lead to softer moments of understanding, I think, that can be enjoyable in fic.

As for content I read vs write: I generally gravitate towards dark fic with these two, though there's plenty of really good stuff that isn't. There are some excellent explorations of kink in the fandom for them which is refreshing. I don't really write them as dark as I read them, since I enjoy writing the power dynamics more than the overt manipulation, but if you're looking for more tonal variety I'm sure I can make some recommendations! (Under the cut!)

** Please make sure you read all of the tags thoroughly. What I enjoy in fiction may not be to your taste, and I respect that, but the best I can do is to link to the site with the tags. 💜

Recs (under 20k words)

Just A Little More by @six-demon-bag epitomizes a lot of what I've said above, and if I didn't start out with it on the list here I'd be doing myself a disservice for how often I reread this.

Bucky goes into a painful rut and Zemo seizes the opportunity to sink newer, more subtle hooks into him.

Breathless by @zsparz is one I like to return to whenever I'm looking to feel sad but don't have a lot of time to read. I can't explain why this one hits me so hard but holy smokes does it make me weepy. Sparz is great at making me cry, though, so like - anyway.

The water kept rising. Bucky could hold his breath a long time underwater, and he remembered vividly how he’d acquired that knowledge. Sam might find him in time.

But Zemo would be long dead by then.

Past Indiscretions by @sagegarnish makes me laugh, genuinely. The whole idea of it brings me a lot of joy, and the execution is delightful.

Bucky and Zemo are trapped in 1941.

Unfortunately Bucky's past self is the only one who might know where the missing Pym Particles are that they need to get home.

When young!Bucky pulls Zemo into an alley, Bucky is forced to watch as a drunken forgotten night from his past becomes a lot clearer.

Recs (20k+ words)

That Which You Fear by @spintwinwb is a trilogy that starts off feeling like an AU and turns into something really fascinating imo. Lots of extra goodies here for comics fans, too.

Instead of freeing the people of Westview, Wanda pushed out across multiverses to get her brother back, and the entire world was caught in the crossfire. Cast in a new, peaceful life in upstate New York in a world with mutants, no Avengers, and no HYDRA, Bucky Barnes struggles to reconcile memories and dreams that no longer make sense with what he thinks he knows about himself.

One Two Many by @six-demon-bag is sweet and fun and complicated, and I really did try not to double-up on authors here but agh. What am I supposed to do??

Bucky and Zemo meet on an anonymous dating app and find a deep connection in each other. In the meantime, they grow closer in person without realizing they’re falling in love online too.

Too Good To Be True by AnadoraBlack is really one of those fics where the tropes are used so well, imo. A very enjoyable read.

Bucky wakes up with no recollection of where he is, how he found himself there, and what the heck is going on. There's also a ring on his finger, and time lost. What the living FUCK?!

The Original Sin by @zsparz because I might as well completely fail at the "only one per author" in spectacular fashion. This sits here because it sits on a very peculiar line between canon and AU and just... like I said. Sparz makes me cry. This isn't a departure from that fact.

Bucky and Zemo keep meeting over the course of several lifetimes. Zemo remembers everything. Bucky doesn’t, but there’s an eerie impression of familiarity he can’t shake — an old pain he can’t explain, with roots too deep for him to reach.

AU Recs

Removing Bucky and Zemo from the context of their complicated history in the MCU can highlight different aspects of their characters that are really interesting to explore, as someone who finds their unique characters quite interesting as well, though I also know it isn't for everyone. Neither of these recs are short so if you don't mind an AU, set some time aside for these ones.

It Started Out With a Curse by Thorny is a fun AU I never really expected to find in this fandom. I personally have a history of writing in fantasy settings so this one has a special place in my heart.

What happens when the King and Queen of a human kingdom slight a powerful fae Lord known only as "The Baron"?

Enter a world of FairyTale/Fantasy Shenanigans as Prince James navigates his deadly curse and his confusing feelings for one (seemingly) cold and untouchable fae Lord. Meanwhile, something sinister is afoot trying to gouge a rift between the feywilds and the human kingdoms...

A Gentleman and a Scholar by EternalBeta is a no powers exploration of their dynamic that's... Beautiful. It also tackles a lot of things about kink that it feels like most fic and stories generally seem to ignore. There's also an amazing sequel series.

(this series doesn't have an easy summary available so I uh... I'll give it a go here: college student Bucky has a thing for his professor, and a whole series of bad decisions behind him. The trouble is, Bucky is impatient, and Professor Zemo doesn't fuck students. So Bucky better hurry up and graduate.)

Many of the writers above have at least a few WinterBaron fics, and I do highly recommend checking out their collections. Sparz and Six-Demon in particular have some really widely varied concepts and stories they tackle, and if you're curious at all I'd also recommend checking out Sholio who has some excellent Sam/Bucky/Zemo fics! I didn't toss recs here because they weren't the heart of the ask, but I gobbled those up easily for some very sweet treaties.

[countrymusiclover]

2 - Swords and Winterfell

Part 3

The Last Velaryon

Tag list @rise-my-angel @cdragons

It had been almost a week since Chezney and I had traveled to King's Landing. Jaime and I had only simply said a few words and shared silent glances with one another. So nothing really worthwhile in my opinion. Staring at the ceiling above me the sun had already risen and brought light into my chambers. "How am I supposed to act about all this? I didn't have a mother growing up." I mumbled to myself in thought.

Sitting upright on the edge of the bed I run my hands down my face remembering that Chezney's mother had taught me about most things that my mother would have but I still wasn't as confident as she always seemed. "Haelesa!" Hearing three knocks I sighed in relief.

"Chez, finally I have been here bored counting the tiles on the ceiling waiting for you." I sighed in an over dramatic tone flinging the chamber door open revealing my friend.

She quickly pushed the door shut and locked it. "Sorry this place is much more massive than Driftmark. I got lost a few times trying to find your room."

"Then let's go exploring." I responded instantly.

She flopped back on my bed with a confused expression. "Are you serious? Did you forget the part where I said I almost got lost getting here?"

"I've been trapped in a castle surrounded by the ocean my whole life. I don't intend to stay locked up here in a city like this one. I want to go explore and see what else is supposedly out there." Putting one hand on my hip I sent her a half smile.

Chezney didn't waste another moment getting up to her feet. "That settles it then."

"And if my so-called betrothed has a problem with it then he can come find us." I looped my arm through hers and we quickly left the room rushing down the hallway.

I was still wearing the same outfit that I arrived in but I had let my hair loose since the climate was much warmer than I had ever felt. And I would never wear uncomfortable heels unless someone forced it upon me. Chezney and I took a few wrong turns yet we did manage to find a doorway out of the castle. Placing one hand on the brick wall the wind blew my hair in my eyes until I brushed it behind my ear. There was an open fenced yard out in front of us. "Maybe we took another bad turn."

"Nah I don't think so...look swords." Chezney moved past me and picked up one of the blades that was laying on the dirt a few steps away from us.

Shrugging my shoulders I ran over to her taking the handle of the other one she held out for me in my own hands. "Ah you're right. This should be fun since neither of us are probably good at this."

"You're telling me you've never watched Antler train?" She asked me.

"No, have you?" I asked her back and she avoided my gaze meaning she was lying. I gasped, teasing her back. "Oh you have!"

Chezney grips her handle slightly swinging at me. "Shut up!"

"Ah!" I squeaked, raising my blade and heard our metal clash together meaning I blocked her hit. "Hey don't get defensive, it was a genuine question that you brought up."

She shakes her head. "Just because I have watched him train sometimes doesn't mean that I have feelings for him."

"Actually it kind of does mean exactly that, Chez." I smirked, spinning the blade in my hands trying to balance the new weight in each hand to get used to the new feeling.

Gaining a firm grip on the blade I made my first advance on my friend but she was somewhat ready for me. We both ran at each other and swung at the same time hitting the other's blade. We separated them quickly and I swung upward and she went downward hitting my blade again until we heard someone speak up and catch us off guard. "Ladies aren't supposed to be playing with swords from the lessons I was forced to sit through."

"Ser Jaime." Chezney stumbles dropping the sword and doing the best curtsey she could for him.

Yet I kept my fingers wrapped around the blade but lowered the tip of the weapon down into the dirt. My eyes focused on his letting uncomfortable silence fill the air and I didn't bother to address him like a lady should. "Jaime. I'm shocked you came looking for me. From the day I arrived you didn't seem to have much interest in getting to know me."

"Hmm you are right that I am not really concerned with the whole idea of marriage. But here we are since my father was very demanding of the king to release me from my guard title." Jaime moved away from the doorway we had came from reaching me until there was little gap between us.

Lifting my gaze upward he was slightly taller than me but I wouldn't let him know that I was worried about what he would do. "At least we are in agreement on not wanting this arrangement. Come on Chezney, let's keep practicing."

"Oh I don't think that's a good idea." My friend's demeanor completely changed around the oldest lion son.

Whipping my head around to her I scoffed. "Come on, Chez. You don't really think he is going to judge us when we are just having some fun."

"He's the best swordsman in the seven kingdoms, Haelesa." She trailed off.

Snorting out a laugh. "I'll see about that."

"Is that a challenge I'm hearing, Haelesa?" I sucked in a breath hearing Jaime's voice closer than I was expecting when I had put my back to him talking to my friend.

Slowly turning around on my boots, Jaime and I were almost pressed chest to chest now. "I wasn't calling a challenge with you, Lannister."

"That's not what I heard from you, Haelesa." He smirked smugly. "If you're not calling a challenge, let's still just see what you can do."

Jaime moved around me picking up the sword that my friend had dropped. Chezney parts her lips in shock watching me before I gasped, not sure I heard him correctly. "You're joking."

"Actually I'm not in the slightest. If you want jokes you should meet my little brother Tyrion." He responded holding the blade in his right hand.

Blinking a couple times I still remain where I was originally. "I'm not going to fight you, Jaime."

"As you said it's just for fun and I'll take it easy on you if you truly want to learn how to wield a blade." The Lannister lion smiled at me.

Chezney moved off to the side and nudged her head in the direction of Jaime telling me to go. Sucking in a breath I finally caved in wrapping my fingers around the blade a little tighter than a minute ago. "Okay I suppose we can practice a little." Stepping forward I take the first swing towards him thinking that this might not be as bad.

Yet Jaime only let me have confidence for a brief period of time where he swung at me and I ducked, dropping to my knees. Our swords hit one another but he pushed me into the dust. "Relax your dominant arm. If you use the same move all the time your opponent can learn which arm is the weakest."

I raise my sword trying to strike him but he lightly elbows me in my side to strike me from below. "So why did you really come out here for -uh!" I grunted out, pressing my sword against his. He pressed his sword against mine, never losing gaze with mine. His green eyes holding love with his face remaining the serious one he uses in battle. We never break the hold on each other as he finally answers my earlier question.

"The king has informed me that we are to ride North. He claims to be wanting to make Eddard Stark his new Hand of the King." He lowers his blade and takes a few steps backwards away from me.

Lowering my blade I tilted my head to the side. "Why would we need to ride North?"

"It's a command by the King, Lady Velaryon. You don't go against the royal family unless you wish to lose your head." He told me to slide the sword in the holder on his hip.

Chezney came over to my side where I slid the blade in the belt that was attached to the tunic I was wearing. "I suppose you're right."

"I'd suggest you ladies dress warmly." He responded.

Chezney looped her arm through mine once more about to leave. "Thanks for the advice, Ser."

"I assume that you'll be riding a horse with the men, Haelesa and not in the carriage." Yet he spoke up one more time, having us halt in our tracks one more time. Sending him a head nod I glanced over my shoulder and then Chezney and I went to pack some things for the second trip.

It took many long days ahead that I did spend in the carriage with the queen and her children until the guards had informed us we were near Winterfell. The next time we stopped Chezney followed me and Jaime on horseback not caring what looks his sister had given us for not acting like proper ladies. The wind ran through my hair and my nose ran a little stuffed up from the new sense of cold that surrounded us. Glancing out in front of me I came into a view of a large castle in front of us that had some torches burning around its entrance clearly to keep some warmth there. The royal family enters through the gate and I turned my gaze hearing King Robert struggle to get off his horde from how fat his stomach appears to be as he stops in front of the man I assumed was Lord of Winterfell. "Your Grace."

Robert eyed the man in front of him. "You've got fat....Cat!" The two men laughed before he embraced both him and his wife with red hair.

She greeted him once they broke the hug. "Your Grace."

"Nine years. Why haven't I seen you, Ned? Where the hell have you been?" Robert asked the man Ned who was clearly his friend.

"Guarding the North for you, Your Grace. Winterfell is yours." The queen and her other children descend from the coach as the lord of Winterfell responds.

Chezney got assistance climbing down off her horse and I was about to do the same until I heard a young girl's voice. "Where's the Imp?"

"Will you shut up?" The girl that was older with hair that looked like her mother's snapped back.

Shaking my head I couldn't help but watch the whole scene before me. The king began going down the line first stopping at the oldest boy who appeared to have dark curly auburn hair and the same eyes of his mother. "Who have we here? You must be Robb." He shook hands with the king and then glanced my way making me look the opposite direction.

Next the king went to the two girls. The one all dressed properly like her mother smiled. "My, you're a pretty one...Your name is?"

"Arya.' Said the young girl who looked to be rather uncomfortable in the dress she wore and honestly I could relate with her.

The king went to one of the young Stark boys who showed his muscle to him. "Ooh. Show us your muscles. You'll be a soldier."

"That's Jaime Lannister. The queen's twin brother." Whipping my head back around at Jaime he removed his helmet tossing around the blonde hair and dismounted his horse.

The oldest Stark girl grumbled to her sister once more with the queen approaching the family. "Would you please shut up."

The king spoke to Eddard. "Take me to your crypt. I want to pay my respects."

The queen sighed clearly tired. "We've been riding for a month, my love. Surely the dead can wait." But the king led Ned off and ignored her sentence altogether.

Arya looks around before everyone starts breaking off in different directions. "Where's the Imp?"

Jaime had left after talking with Cersei leaving me and Chezney on our own. Running my hands over my horse he made a quiet nose where I attempted to get off the horse without any help. Yet my boot got caught in one of the foot straps where I screamed gripping the saddle thinking that I'm gonna hit the dirt. "Agh!...huh." I felt strong arms that couldn't belong to my best friend hold me up when my boot fell from the strap and my body was pressed against the front of whoever it was.

"It's a good thing my mother sent me over here to help you otherwise you would have had a nasty fall, my lady." I recognized the voice of the young Robb Stark who helps me to my feet and doesn't remove his hands until I'm stable on the ground.

Turning around to face the Northern boy I smiled getting a better look at him. His eyes were bright and I could see the curls better now. To my surprise I found him more attractive then Jaime which I could only assume was because Robb was near my age of seven and ten. "Thank you for catching me, my lord. I must sadly admit this is my first time on a horse."

"It's quite alright you'll get used to it in time. And please my father is Lord of Winterfell so I'd ask you'd just call me Robb, my lady." He suggested staring down at me but he wasn't nearly as tall as Jaime was.

Shaking my head, I corrected the wolf boy. "I'd prefer if you'd call me Haelesa, Robb. We're not in fancy lessons at the moment." Running a hand down my tunic I changed into some thicker pants and stole one of the Lannister red cloaks over my shoulders for warmth. Chezney was wearing a simple ocean blue dress, some brown winter boots, and a yellow fur cloak and her brown hair put up in a messy bun.

"It's nice to meet you, Haelesa." He greeted me with a cheeky smile.

Chezney came over to us and extended her hand to him in excitement. "Hi Robb, I'm Chezney. Her best friend and lady in waiting."

"It's nice to meet you both." Robb shook her hand firmly gesturing his head back in the direction of the castle offering me his arm. I looped my arm through his and Chezney followed him on his other side. "Come, I'll personally show you Winterfell." I sent him a smile, already feeling better about being around the young wolf than the oldest lion.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[askuemki]

So I have no idea if I’ll keep this post up, but…

A little rant abt re8?? (And cod.. kinda) maybe venting (just a mess :,)

Disclaimer, take my opinions with a grain of salt I just wanna ramble lmao

Also spoilers, maybe (update, definitely)

So I’ve been having fun dipping my toes into Donna Beneviento (god her last name is hard to spell) content. After watching the gameplays and to at least have a basic understanding for the game, I find myself really drawn to her, maybe more than Alcina tbh

By no means i’m a diehard fan or anything, recently it’s been hard to find a new fandom to get attached towards. As much as I adore cod, there isnt really much to get attached too… like sure, task 141 is a fun group and the there is some GREAT art about the ships- but I only got attached because of Valeria, I won’t deny it at all. I’m a diehard lesbian, but there isn’t really much cannon content of her?? It’s really damn disappointing sometimes, man… same with Laswell. I appreciate all of the fanartists out there though, I adore all of the content here, fanfics or fan art. With Farah, she’s a diffrent story.. personally I never really got attached to her, but as a character she’s pretty neat. Her story sort of brings to light the horrors happening today which is a bit of a benefit…?? But ever since I found out things about both Valeria’s and Farah’s actors I’ve been a little off about things here and there. I don’t think I’ll stop posting Valeria content at all, it just might be a little less offen to indulge in different things.

Some personal things have been happening to make me feel really disconnected from like.. fucking everything for some reason?? Like I’m drifting away from fandoms, I’m drifting away from people and I’m like alone again.. I’m lost in a damn dumpster fire. AI art doesn’t help with this at all.. like why do I draw?? I’ve been drawing since I was in kindergarten like I never really thought of the specifics of perusing art, more or so just that I want to. Like hey, I wanna make a game or movie series, and something in me doesn’t realize I need to put in the effort to learn shit with just ends up in me doing nothing but self pitting on something I can change and ugh.. wish I can slap myself to get out of it.

So I think I’ve been kind of finding myself relating to Donna. Not in her extreme way, more or so just her aspect of being isolated, and just being known primarily for one thing. Like.. our side of art? Damn. Shit. I think I’m worth nothing.. and with Donna we don’t really know much about her besides her being a cursed Dollmaker, and the bare bones of her past. And we both barely fucking speak man… both hide our faces too !! maybe I kin this woman or something I don’t know

But as I was looking through her tumblr tag, I saw a rant about how headcannons and stuff has been stripping away the interesting stuff about the re8 villains… and with the things I’ve seen so far?? I can kinda agree, honestly.

Don’t get me wrong, if it’s not too.. insane? (I know those boundaries are hard to define at times, but maybe REALLY immoral shit for our “normal” world) and people aren’t forcing these headcannons into other people? I don’t mind headcannons. You do you, boo!

But the fan content I’ve seen, people reduce Donna and Alcina (I’m surprised it was pronounced as AlCHIna and not AlSIna, but side tangent over) from the potential they really have. Yeah it’s definitely nice to see Donna more, especially in those intimate moments.. but sometimes I feel like people just depict her as some shy, easily gullible, girl, and not really the mentally deprived woman she is. Like I’d love to see ideas of the different dolls Donna could create, or unique imagery of her mental state outside of having porcelain skin. What about the kinds of plants she takes care of? Or the dolls she makes? I’d love to see more of it, whether she has favorites, or if it’s a situation where she has doll replicas of her deceased family. Man, I really wanna see Donna do more creepy shit, basically.

With Alcina however? She’s kind of reduced to that (I’m going to cringe at these words so terribly, god help me) “hot vampire mommy”.. I’ll take fault for not looking into her content as much, I’m sure there’s great content out there !! (I’m not sure if anyone would do this but.. feel free to send me any fic recommendations or art) With what I want to see for her? I’ve heard from the rant post as a man-hating woman she had primarily female statues in her castle, it would be fun to see what else she has cause of this worldview, as well as more whitty remarks from her; I really enjoy her throwback with Heisenberg. Just in general.. her being a comical villain.

Okay so, the reason why I made this post in the first place before all of this shit threw up from my brain. Belladonna. At first, this ship really interested me, I like the character dynamics, the art was neat. But then something came up in my mind.. (as well as another rant post on the ship..) isn’t the Dimitrescu bloodline related with Donna? Both are failed experiments from Mother Miranda, and technically adopted by her. Though from what I know, Donna is the only one officially adopted. So would that be family..? I’ve seen a few places where Alcina called Donna her sister, and it makes me feel really off.

And I’ve seen in a few fanarts, Donna technically older than the Dimitrescu sisters posed next to them like another sibling??

I would like to endorse the ship, but just the morality of everything is off centered for me. I rather not support weird incest…

So please if people could maybe clarify for me whether it would technically be okay for support this ship.. I’d appreciate it. If it isn’t okay, I have plans on making a fan character anyways, or I can take current characters and make a resident evil au or something, and ship them when Donna. (I have a character that honestly looks like a mix of Alcina and Bela, but by no means she’s relates to the franchise, lmao)

By no means I’m experienced in resident evil lore or the fandom, this is just coming from a newer fan of the series, and what I’ve seen so far.

If you read all of this.. thank you?? I apologize if I sound ridiculous here, this is like the only place I can rant abt things without being brushed off for other shit

Good night now!!! I need to stop pushing my sleep boundaries ugh

[echologname]

Hack your ADHD brain to do things

If there's a pot of dopamine at the end of a rainbow, I'd believe it because I've been searching frantically where to find this stuff. But for now, here's some ridiculous and maybe unhinged advice on how to get your silly brain to produce it itself. In my opinion, the more silly, stupid and simple it is, the better.

Side quest roulette

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C7rard8ukBz/?igsh=aGxzdHNkaGl6MWxt

Tell yourself to do something that's NOT what you want to do and let the ADHD distract you down the correct rabbit hole.

Duck tape yourself to your task

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-78ilVJlyb/?igsh=am9pODRzY2xtMTY5

Duck tape yourself to your chair if you need to sit down and do homework. If you move to get up, you'll feel the gentle pressure and it'll remind you to stay focused.

Honestly, I did say some of these were out there 😜

Sing

Singing stimulates your vagus nerve which helps reduce anxiety and has numerous other mental health benefits and makes you feel good inside. Signing while doing a task is a great strategy!

Nested roulette games

The brain thrives with unpredictability and brevity. Doom scrolling is so addictive because:

Appeal - something enjoyable

Brevity - a minute reel

Unpredictability - you keep scrolling for the surprise of what's next

So use this to choose your tasks at random and only commit to doing them for a little bit. If I spin a wheel and the task is homework, spin again for a random assignment and again for what part of the assignment and set a timer for a few to 30 minutes max. Then you can do some proprioception stims like jumping jacks or twirl around to help you task change.

If your brain is chaotic, then giving it a chaotic and stimulating environment is what it needs.

Create an environment conducive to productivity

I can't be in my room, it's a mess, I don't have the energy to clean it but I need to put things away if I want to get to my desk to do work. So, instead of mixing my "lazy" and "work" environments in the same space, I'm only allowed to be messy and do fun things on the other end of the room that way my work space stays neat and tidy. It can help to have a room divider.

I focus better when I'm in work environments like school where everyone there has the same goal. So, it's my attempt to recreate the division where I associate different spaces with different tasks.

Sometimes I just get stuck but splashing cold water on my face or drinking something cold kinda zaps me out of that state and I feel alert and refreshed, ready to take on a task. You can set reminders to regularly get your cold fix to stimulate your nervous system and activate a mild stress response.

Name inanimate objects

If I name something, that automatically gives it "feelings." This is to help motivate me to take good care of things like my bedroom. If they're messy, they're sick and sad and it'd help me WANT to clean it up instead of just forcing myself to do it.

Coldness

Blanket head

For some reason, I focus better at night. So I try to recreate the same conditions by putting a blanket over my head, that way it's cozy, dim, less noisy and it's just me and my homework, nothing else.

Turn your routine into a mnemonic device

For example: Wisconsin Badgers Huddle Dramatically

Wash face

Breakfast

Homework

Dishes

The sillier the better. The idea is to make it easier to remember and make a habit of things to do.

Social media encouragement

Post your completed task in an ADHD encouragement group to get likes, positive comments or even help from others about where to start on a task.

Puppy dog eyes = YES!

Place talky buttons on the floor for your dog. Each one has a task or chore you have to do and when your dog presses one like, "Do dishes." you HAVE to obey. They're too cute to say no to and I'd do ANYTHING for them, if I'm willing to give my life for my dog, I can definitely do a few chores for her. Also, if my dog is encouraged to do this behavior with treats after I complete the task, she'll keep barking and begging and being silly and obnoxious until I do the task.

Get fictional characters to help you

Write notes to yourself about what's next to do or an upcoming appointment and sign them from "So and so." I'll listen to anyone but myself. You can even put them in a mailbox to make it more engaging.

Or use AI voices (for personal use ONLY! Voice actors are amazing people and it's mean to use their voice without permission) and a character give you your to-dos or words of encouragement.

ChatGPT scheduler

I've tried many times, but I suck at blocking out time for things. So I'll tell AI what I typically do, any goals and such and it'll give me what my week should look like.

Toy confetti and giant "pill boxes"

Create bins/cardboard boxes for each day of the week

Collect "toy confetti" (small knick knacks from diverse playsets like Legos, Barbie accessories, fidgets, small plastic dinos, Happy Meal toys etc...)

Write tasks on the toys and optionally an amount of time to set for that task

Place what needs to be done on which day in the corresponding boxes

The surprise and sensory diversity makes it fun and the boxes give it basic schedule structure.

Give yourself an important sounding title

Like, "I am the Princess! Everything I say goes!" And really get into the responsibilities inherent in your imaginary position. It can feel very empowering.

Mailbox

Set up a table or space for a box and some paper and writing utensils next to it. Optionally, have a cloud printer set up too. If someone has a chore for you to do, they can leave you a note in your box or if they have forms for you to sign, they can highlight where and leave it for you. Or if I have a note to leave for myself while I'm out of the house, I can use my phone connected to the printer, to print out the note at home (possibly placed so the paper falls into the box).

ASMR

Do your tasks slowly and listen carefully to the sounds of the tinkling silverware, tap your fingers on hard surfaces you have to wipe down...etc. It's no longer "chores" but yummy homemade ASMR.

Silly hats

Wear a silly hat for different things (like homework vs chores) so it acts as a cue to your brain to help you gear shift.

Different music genres help too.

Gentle parenting

Tell yourself, "It's OK sweetie, I know it's frustrating and you're trying your best to do the thing but you feel stuck."

Opposite action (DBT therapy)

Do the opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do. If you're feeling sad and want to curl up alone in the dark and do depressed things, you're just going to encourage that emotion instead of doing things a non-depressed person does like go outside in the sun and talk to friends.

If you're demotivated and want to sit and doom scroll, just get up, do a power pose and start with one little thing.

Video game roleplay

Attach a controller plug to a headband and controll myself to do things.

Fictional character roleplay

Act how a character would act doing that task. Mimic their body language, tics, lingo, humor…etc.

If doing the task stresses you out too much, pretend you're summoning someone else to do it and it might as well be your favorite character.

Demon slaying

The task that you NEVER seem to be able to do is a demon that must DIE! Fuel yourself with that adrenaline! C’ause that pile of laundry is just going to mock you and your executive dysfunction indefinitely. And we can't have that, so be a hero and murder your tasks! Those stressful little burgers are going DOWN!

Exercise audio games

Using an app like Zombies, Run! or Marvel Move, get up and get going, knock out missions while getting chores done.

AI assistance

AI works as my brain, it plans everything out and I just operate as the body taking commands of what to do next.

Dog treatment

Give yourself a treat for doing basic human things.

Cleaning hacks

Everything has a colored sticker which goes in the corresponding colored drawer/box/shelf…etc.

Give everything silly names. The dingawongs go on the desk with the other dingawongs and the jigawigas go in the drawer with the other jigawigas.

Try to pick up things with robot hands (mechanical hands with string and cardboard/plastic) or your toes. It'll be so much more fun and novel!

Video + Tasker

Record vids of giving tasks and use Tasker to automatically play them at a certain time as a reminder.

Best used with smart watch (like a super spy getting a secret mission 😎)

Quests

Mystery dispensers by each task (like by the cleaning supplies) and go around doing tasks in order to get the reward.

Optional function: they have AI and you need to send a picture of the completed task (checks image date and time metadata) in order to get the prize.

Puppet/plush care

Instead of saying, “I have to do this,” it's “I have to make sure Fuzzy does this by this time because I care about her and love her.” So it uses my sense of maternal responsibility for caring for helpless creatures that can't do anything on their own.

Also, it's Jesus's love language helping others! His law is love and that's how He wants us to show it.

VR game

Highlights items to put away and where and gives cute animations and sound effects for doing the task. Like a SIM but uses augmented reality.

Virtual pet reminders

Whenever it yells at you for a specific thing like food, associate it with doing something for yourself like getting yourself food too. You can't always trust yourself to set reminders.

Audio planner A

Computer talks and says what the task is, for how long and plays specific music to mentally que that task.

Example:

7:30 AM

“Time to wake up!”

“You have an hour to get ready for the day”

Plays morning music

8:20

“10 more minutes”

8:30

“Homework time!”

“You have 30 min until a break”

Plays Lofi Hip Hop

9:00

“You can take a break now”

Has a web interface with a checklist and whenever a task is completed, it says something like, “Congratulations on completing ____!” “You’ve earned 10 virtual coins!”

Audio planner B

Same as above but a playlist of time chunks and voice clips

MP3 to-do timer

Music clips with the task as the “song title.” Selecting a random song to be played, would be the same as selecting a random task and setting a timer for it, in this case, the run time of a song.

Candy task randomizer

Take a candy/pill dispenser filled with beads with tasks written on them.

Plush task randomizer

Plush with sound module with recordings of different tasks.

Bead currency

Every task completed is worth a bead.

10 beads = 1 USD

Keep track of beads as they accumulate

Can ONLY buy something for puppies IF there's enough beads

Adulting kid’s app

In a virtual world, their parents can set up a to-do list and they have an in game calendar, bank, phone and such. They're goal is to take care of a virtual pet whose needs are very realistic: unpredictable. Anyway, to take care of a pet, you need money which is earned by completing tasks (parents and teachers can send tasks to their to do and appointments to their calendar.

They have to plan out about how much food and medicine their pet needs and spend it wisely. They get an virtual invoice/receipts.

Their pet can spontaneously get sick and they need to make an appointment with the vet and pay LOTS from savings.

Delayed gratification prize dispenser

Write tasks on paper

Add paper to jar once complete

When the jar is full/reaches a minimum weight, it’ll dispense a prize

Flower power

Write tasks on seed paper

When a task is complete, put it in a jar

The jar is filled by the end of the week and the tasks can be planted!

Egg system

Fill eggs with different tasks related to homework or free/break time. And set a timer to complete the task on the egg I picked.

For free time, instead of picking up my phone and waste time, I pick up an egg. This way, I can do things I’ve always wanted to do but never do because I’d rather sit and do nothing.

Also, keeping a strict schedule is hard, this way, it's not mindless routine, it has an element of surprise and flexibility.

Possible Motivators

Throughout all species throughout the world and time, necessity has been the driving force and the reward: life and continued existence, food and health. They’d literally die without the skills they acquired from their parents, sometimes horribly. There's no, “If I want to get distracted and not do this thing, there's no consequences, I’ll still live just fine.”

I suppose drastic stakes are super effective.

Also, like the Bluey episode, “Duck cake,” even when Bluey got things she liked and enjoyed for cleaning up, they didn't fulfill her as much as cleaning up to please her parents and make them happy. So, doing things for the good of helping others is also a strong motivator. If we always live for the things that please us, for the things we want, we’ll never be truly happy.

Or Tiana in The Princess and the Frog, she had a dream she wanted SO desperately, she worked hard every day for years for it, never once taking her eyes off the prize. What dream do you have?

Make other things just as or more enjoyable than my bad habits.

Find something or someone to live for (for me, it's my dog's). It's different when you take care of someone you love because you would do anything for them. They're ALIVE, they have feelings and it makes you care about them.

Or if not, pretend you have a little kid to take care of and they follow you around everywhere and watch what you do. You'd want to make sure you're always setting a good example and demonstrating healthy habits.

Though it's probably not the healthiest, nothing kicks me into high gear like being frustrated/angry. I get an "I can fight everyone!" mentality and end up taking it out on chores and doing things. At least I'm not too irritable and it's constructive.

[eri-pl]

Forgive me for asking, but when you say you like Morgoth do you mean you find him an entertaining character or that you think he had a point?

Oh. This will be long. Thank you for asking! (And I guess the parts that you feel needs forgiving is assuming that I may agree with him? I don't think you had enough data. Anyway if there's a need, I forgive you. I hope it's not "forgive me for sending asks", I like getting asks, especially actual asks! (As opposed to reblog chains and other random fun stuff which I sometimes like sometimes not))

No, Morgoth did not have a valid point in his rebellion. More details under the cut (it's long).

But he had a point, in the sense that he existed for a reason. (He much failed this point.) I think it shows through at times. Even if he wasn't evil, I think he was meant to be a trickster, challenger and the starting point of changes.

Like, I can see a situation where stealing the Silmarils would not be wrong (and not involve murder. It is far from canon, but if Feanor got obsessed with them without Melkor's "help", stealing the gems and leaving them in some funny place could be helpful. The classic fairy tale trickster.

So, in this sense he had a point.

But his actual goals as started in the book? Nope. 100% nope.

Like, yesterday I had my own teenage child look at me strangely when I said that I relate to Hurin's reaction. Not with the name-calling, but the "nope you are not as powerful as you say, this is not true and I don't care what you do to me about it" part. It is the valid reaction, in my opinion. L

But there's more in my liking for Morgoth than "I find him entertaining" (however this is true too at some points, mostly BoLT).

It's mostly "he's spawning a lot of headcanons in my head and I relate to them". It's a difference between "Morgoth as Tolkien seems to have intended him" and "Morgoth as I read him", which is a small difference in a way, but also a big one.

Ok let's address the elephant. I have no problem internalizing "Eru is God". But at the same time I have a lot of a problem internalizing "and Melkor is the devil".

This is a strange combo but that's what my brain does and I can't much avoid it.

His reasons are too relatable. Wrong but relatable. Very human. "I was not paying attention, busy with fantasies of power to soothe my insecurities and now when I have to do a creative activity with people, I can't sync with them" is a very relatable situation to me (I played a lot of ttrpg) and trying to fix it by being a jerk is something I have done. It's wrong but... I can't condemn a character for things I have done too.

(I realized I started explaining me reading of Melkor|Morgoth through his whole career, so here it goes)

And then he gets angry, which is stupid but still relatable. And makes orcs from elves which is awful but also canon cannot decide what exactly happened also it's too easy to assume he didn't realize they were actual persons...

And he corrupts humans? The tale of Adanel? What was her name? That one in Morgoth's ring, close to Athrabeth... It's one of 2 places where he actually reads (for me) as satanic as intended... Until the part where am obvious void-spider-related trauma shows. Which makes no sense in the timeline, but the whole story has huge timeline problems.

Then he gets captured. And again, my angst-living narrative brain assumes that he did try to behave better, just didn't put much effort in it. And then he met Feanor, and I have a while essay on how this triggered Melkor's narcissistic injury or whatever to call the issues he had. Not for Feanor's fault, just... Wrong time, wrong place, wrong family drama.

Yes, his reaction to that was unarguably evil. But also I can't stop myself from imagining extremely strong emotional pain behind it. It's like... I can't force myself to be so angry at him to enjoy the idea of "Morgoth's gonna get destroyed, yay!". There's too much pain on this (which is not in the book just in my head, I know)

He streaks the Silmarils, and keeps them when though they burn, because to do otherwise would be a period that he was wrong. And all his further decisions (again, unarguably evil) are made under extreme pain and distress of holy gems judging him all the time. (Look how they impacted Maedhros and Maglor. How much despair they got. And Morgoth is so much more).

He's evil, but also I can't with confidence say that I would never do similar things, especially in the circumstances. Evil but who am I to judge.

Like, at the end of of, it comes back to "I can't see the Valar ( including Melkor) as 100% good or bad, they're too human to be proper angels". Even Manwe (semi-)canonically makes a moral mistake. Some texts (not in published Silm) day that the Valar showed lack of estel by (making Valinor? Inviting elves? Sorry, I forgot the details) and that is a moral falling.

Don't get me wrong, it is a very small one, and I'm not trying to equate Manwe with Morgoth or anything, just to say that the Valar are less absolute than I would expect angels to be. (Not an expert on angels though)

(I love Manwe, he's wonderful, overworked, burned out but still trying, he's a sweet, good, idealistic birb. Who is not an angel. I love them all, even Orome who is canonically vengeful and I consider this a problem, and Yavanna who is really irritating at times. And let's not forget poor, bullied Aule who is a walking proof of the "not 100%".)

And with all that I've said before, I can't help but to project many of my issues and character failings at Morgoth. Yes, he's evil. I've also been evil. Technically less so, but I like to go things to 11 when projecting.

And another huge topic is how wonderful he would be if he wasn't evil, because he's got some of my favorite aesthetics and themes (void, paradoxes, out of the box thinking, trickster archetype, jak of all trades... Even the fire and ice thing has its beauty).

Sometimes I really want to punch him in the face for wasting all that. Just, not lethally.

And the beauty of what he could be is probably what pushes him in my head from the "I'm sorry for them being evil" category of evil and evil-leaning characters (which includes Sauron, fir example ) or the "eeewgh but I'm sorry for them anyway" (Ar-Pharazon , Gollum, all the exceptionally uncool bad guys) to "I'm sorry for them but also I like them no matter how little sense it makes". Ymmv, I have a strange aesthetics sometimes.

Also, he got defeated in the book and that gives him compassion points in my brain. I do feel sorry for him. No matter what I try to do with my brain, I can't stop. I just can't. One day I'll figure out how to untangle it but now I don't know.

Last but not least, I love some comedic takes. For me, comedy didn't ask what's right or wrong, just explores ideas... It's like a brain cleaner, a bit like dreams. It's allowed more than more serious genres. I do enjoy comedic Morgoth (Hurinovy Deti does it really well, also some fics and comics with that one ship... It's just funny. And it's not like they portray him as being right, just... Don't focus on him being evil, just in the comedy?)

To clear something that I left hanging: the second scene where Morgoth is as-probably-intended is "the words of Morgoth and Hurin" or what's it called. Sorry, I'm on vacations, so I'm doing less fact-checking. It works for me. If Tolkien gave Morgoth more dialogue, my mental image of him would probably be more as intended.

Also, to not leave it unsaid: he canonically tries rape, I think twice. I am aware of this. This is very awful. And evil. Still, doesn't make me see him as irredeemable. I just don't see people as irredeemable and I can't read the books as (probably?) intended and not see Morgoth and all the Valar in the category of "people".

It's probably more complicated by the fact that Tolkien's intent did change in time, but I'm not an expert and I don't know how it changed about the Valar, especially Morgoth. So it's not like there is one canon that is 100% coherent, and I'm not even sure which parts of my reading I should call a headcanon and which not.

Tldr: I don't like Satan (that was an understatement), I like Morgoth probably because I have issues which I like projecting on fictional characters and he works well for that, also I make some (hopefully) interesting headcanons and that's it. Hope this answered your question.

[utilitycaster]

but you do have to admit that you write your 2k meta's mostly because you want (negative) attention? otherwise I don't understand why you are not writing more of your faves instead?

Sure! I can explain why I wrote this piece, which I assume is the reason you're asking this now.

I wrote it because I naturally had thoughts about the group dynamics of Bells Hells after the episode and started thinking about why this group is so disconnected this far into the campaign when, for example, the Mighty Nein, who had far more friction and conflict early on in the campaign, were positively ride or die by this point. I also really did genuinely find the degree of pressure that Imogen and Laudna have been putting on Fearne to be excessive and had been quietly thinking about it since episode 75 - they were the ones to initially make a big deal about "Emperor and Empress" (the fact that Ashton mentioned the party's positive reinforcement of the shard's retrieval being a factor in their choice is relevant here), I was reminded by someone else regarding Laudna's immediate shutdown of Fearne's attempt to tell the truth in episode 77, and then they called her out in front of everyone after she had expressed that she didn't want it to Morri. It made a clear pattern that I felt was interesting to explore, and in doing so I started asking myself if there were other patterns of behavior. I linked to someone else's post as well in there that talked about how Imogen and Laudna pretty much always act together in group discussions in my post because that was also an inspiration, and I've also talked a lot in the past about how Imogen and Laudna rarely bring up their own sources of conflict with each other, so the fact that their accusations towards Fearne are in the same scene where Imogen expresses disgust about Delilah's presence also is very relevant to their general group dynamics, since their own relationship with each other is very central to how they interact with the group.

I do write about my favorite characters as well. I wrote pretty extensively about Ashton after episode 78, as well as a bit about their conversation with Orym, but Ashton just had their big moment of explosion and I need to let that simmer or something else to happen before I have any longer posts. I've also, if not written anything myself, reblogged a lot of great posts about Chetney's fantastic reveal which I think tied up that whole exercise beautifully with a truth that was not a passive-aggressive accusation of others nor a self-flagellation but a realization of his own behaviors as well as an explanation to the group without expecting anything in return. In talking about the shard I did touch on my main feelings about Fearne in this situation but again I think I need to see how she actually reacts to the information she received here to actually have meta of substance, rather than "oh, interesting." And you can go through my archives if you'd like to see more; I'm usually pretty good about tagging by character.

But also: I like writing criticism, specifically. It is fun for me. I find that writing helps me arrange my ideas and understand them better, and sometimes I even change my opinion when I revisit the text or find my argument doesn't hold together on an intellectual level, even if I feel something emotionally. I've changed my mind about characters before through writing meta! Sometimes more positively, sometimes more negatively, but it happens, because the act of writing meta, if you do so well, is an act of interrogating your own pre-existing opinions and making sure they make sense to people who aren't you.

I also think there's value in writing things that aren't universally positive. Again, it forces you to actually think through what isn't working for you or what you dislike or what traits characters have that you think are causing problems for people around them rather than just saying UGH THIS SUCKS. But also, writing up how you'd fix a plot you don't like or how you'd resolve a conflict requires you have empathy for the creators or for the characters. Sometimes, even if a piece isn't, in your opinion, good, writing criticism of it helps you understand why a creator may have made that choice you didn't like. You can disagree or dislike something while still respecting it, and making yourself explain it to other people is a really good way to process your own feelings rather than stewing in them. I find people who never express any negativity openly are often deeply resentful and unpleasant and passive-aggressive. Indeed, that's arguably the whole point of that honesty exercise! This party keeps trying to smooth things over and so a lot of valid concerns or complaints they have about each other have since metastasized into something far more hurtful.

I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of meta writers write meta because it's genuinely a fun hobby for them. When I was writing my piece about Dimension 20's genre experiments I stayed up later than I should have several times because it was interesting and I wanted to make sure I didn't forget how I was planning out the piece. I like writing a lot, and I've always preferred to write essays and criticism to fiction - I like to think I have a knack for the former that doesn't come as naturally for the latter. My brain jumps to analysis more easily than the invention of plot.

If you don't like the things I chose to write about, that's completely valid. But I'm not doing it for negative attention. I'm doing it because it's enjoyable for me. How you respond to it and how it makes you, specifically, feel, doesn't enter into my consideration. It's 2k words because that's how long it took me to say what I was thinking and it's about Imogen and Laudna's effect on the group dynamic as I understand it because that's what I was thinking about since it was very present in this episode, and I wrote it because I like writing.

Hopefully that explains it!

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP EXCHANGE — @lapsthings

Your match is...

— Seishiro Nagi

✦ (Yes, A Clockwork Orange is my favorite movie. I read the book too and, in French, they did a wonderful translation. Burgess invented a language inspired by Russian, and it's very impactful. There's some words that I still remember even though it's been almost 7 years since I read the book.) (I could speak of this masterpiece for hours! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed your reading.) (Did you know that it's also Shidou's favorite movie?)

✦ (ANYWAY.)

✦ I had this sleepy genius boy in mind all along while reading your bio, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to match him with you.

✦ At the same time, how could I not? He appears way too many times in your words for me not to think of him.

✦ But I kept asking myself: "If I pair her with Nagi, she'll never go out again."

✦ "Is this really what we want, Suo?"

✦ Heh, I don't make the rules.

✦ Or, maybe I do.

✦ Well, welcome to your best sleeping partner, I guess.

✦ I think as long as he's with someone who's not boring or too loud, he's cool.

✦ Nagi... is always cool.

✦ "I don’t have any siblings." You're like his twin sister, lost somewhere before the start of the show, you know? Nagi's the brother you wish you had, somehow.

✦ "Whenever I go to a convention or an anime store, I spend a good 30 minutes deciding which figure to buy, but since I’m indecisive, I end up getting both of them. I also buy or help pay for my friends more often than not, so I’m always broke. They even came up with a motto: 'Buy now, regret later.'" You know the best thing I find in this description is the fact that you're actually going out. Even Nagi struggles with that.

✦ Good point: you convince him to put his shoes on since he might be interested in the merchandise you buy.

✦ I can see some lazy dates outside, mainly for playing at the arcades or buying trinkets and anime goodies. From the outside, you two look like brother and sister.

✦ That's the core of your relationship, a bit.

✦ I can't see Nagi in any relationship, but I can totally picture him always calling the same person to do non-boring activities. It's normally Reo's role, but Reo isn't always around.

✦ And Reo hasn't always been in Nagi's life.

✦ "I struggle to continue conversations, so I’d say I’m not that good at talking either. I may come across as indifferent or uninterested, which is why I also kind of struggle to make friends." Nagi looks uninterested, and most of the time, he is.

✦ "When giving opinions, I try to be honest, though I do sugarcoat it sometimes." Here, Nagi doesn't.

✦ In fact, the two of you remind me of two baby pandas, a bit lost, always in their beds.

✦ But you are very similar and at the same time, very different. Like black and white merging.

✦ The possibility that you met each other in an online game is huge, I won't lie.

✦ "Dislike: lack/bad communication." This is the biggest pet peeve with Nagi—the lack of communication. This is what led him and Reo to separate, with Reo thinking Nagi had abandoned their dream while Nagi was actually doing his best to reach their common goal.

✦ You can't expect anything from Nagi, but he may expect some things from you.

✦ Yes, that's unfair.

✦ Yes, that's Nagi.

✦ Yes, I chose this match.

✦ (Hahahahaha)

✦ (I regret nothing.)

✦ He never forces you to do anything, though. You're still free to go, doing your own thing while he does his.

✦ In my opinion, the best balance someone can have with Nagi is to play with him occasionally and then say, "Bye bye, see you next time."

✦ Nagi's like his cactus, Choki, after all. Never feed him too much, or he'll die.

✦ You know what I mean since you have YOU'VE HAD your own Choki too.

✦ He finds it cool that you can play instruments.

✦ He also "gently" asks you to play in another room because you make too much noise.

✦ The moments when Nagi is the sweetest are when he wants to try a new game but doesn't want to play alone. Reo isn't interested, so Nagi calls you instead.

✦ I can totally hear him calling you "buddy" or "man."

✦ He reads mangas on his phone too. I think he's the best at knowing the top websites to read tons of scans, so when your favorite site is taken down, Nagi sends you a copy-paste list on Discord.

✦ You two are totally the type to live under the same roof but communicate with each other via texts or weird, unfinished voice messages. It's too boring to speak out loud to someone who's in the room next door.

✦ "Giving: Acts of Service, Gift giving." Let's be honest, he's totally in sync with your love languages.

✦ Always asking you to carry him from one room to another.

✦ He's surprisingly not that heavy.

✦ But 190 cm doesn't lie.

✦ Long silences may occur between you. From the outside, people might even think the house is empty.

✦ The best part about that? You love these moments where no one is talking. You feel comfortable because this is how you like being around others.

✦ So he treasures the fact that you don't talk too much.

✦ Sometimes you forget that you're not alone in the house.

✦ It may give you a fright when you hear a door open.

✦ Or when it's 3am, you're in your pajamas, nose buried in your phone, and you go downstairs only to bump into each other.

✦ "Oh my god. You were there all along???"

✦ "Yeah. You too?"

✦ Actually, it's like you're sharing a flat.

A word about your match: When I read a Nagi-like bio, I usually think of pairing with an opposite character to create a balanced relationship. But your words and facts convinced me to go all the way and choose the laziest soccer player the world has ever seen.

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | INTERESTED IN A MATCHUP EXCHANGE? CHECK THIS.

[lemonduckisnowawake]

Rating (the translated, not actually OG) titles of manhwa/manga because I was bored

Monstrous Duke's Adopted Daughter/The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - not egregiously long but boring when the story is actually interesting. 6/10. Rename it with something more snappish like the Adopted Shadow or whatever. idk. Have I mentioned I've been banned from naming things?

My In-Laws Are Obsessed with Me - 4/10. Also not horrible but it's clearly a clickbaity title and I roll my eyes. Better to rename it to like ..... something to do with blood maybe? Or if you want to keep it family-themed. Blood Ties? Also boring and you can tell I'm speaking from a western YA-genre reader

Beware the Villainess - 8/10. This needs no change

The Perks of Being an S-Class Heroine - .... it's exactly what the title says, ngl. 7/10. But it could be better and less of a summary. Don't know what, though

The Noble Girl Who Finds a Nerdy and Plain Guy Moe Thinks That the Arrogant Prince Is in the Way - 0/10. I just. Why? The official English title is something like The Lady Likes a Nerd over Princes, which I found weird but the summary was interesting (turns out it was a good manga. But the author just has zero respect for the agency of women. Like. Comically so that it's not even funny as it gets a tad bit narratively frustrating as it's used as a device to drag on the plot) Anyway. Just why?

An Archdemon's Dilemma: How to Love Your Elf Bride - 2/10. Not as unforgivable as the previous but horrible all the same. And while the concept was interesting and I gave it a try because it was a rec, it turned out to not be for me at all. The title is dramatic, I'll give you that. It reads like it's a self help book for demon kings who want to learn how to Love and that's basically the manga

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End/Frieren at the Funeral/Frieren the Slayer - 10/10. Look. Any of those titles are good. It doesn't pop out but neither does it force you to hide the title out of fear of being misunderstood

The Savior's Book Cafe Story in Another World - 5/10. Inoffensive but another summary title. You could have literally just called it the Savior's Otherworld Cafe instead. Or something

I Listened to My Husband and Brought in a Lover - 1/10. Encourages cheating with consent. Actually, the manhwa kinda did too (the husband cheated first and was like you should cheat too). At least people know what they're in for? Don't want to retitle it. It deserves it for starting with decent potential for that premise and kinda failing to deliver.

I Stole the Number One Ranker's Soul - 6/10. Again, it's pretty catchy and not terrible but I still don't like these summary titles. Manhwa is amazing, however.

Can't Stop Cursing You - 8/10. Dying laughing because it reads as someone going "man, I just... can't stop cursing you. Really can't help myself you know? Sorry not sorry" while zapping you repeatedly with curses. Still pretty stupid when the actual manga was REALLY shiny with all that horror and bloody gore and interesting plot

Gingerly in Love - 10/10. Trust me. Once I saw what it was about, I died laughing. Not the most memorable manhwa but the wordplay of the title....

The Tyrant Wants to Be Good - 6/10. Again. Inoffensive but there's something annoying to me personally. The manhwa is great, though. Love me a woman who makes her trauma everyone else's problem, regrets it, and then internalizes the guilt in her do-over at life so bad that she ends up getting aggressively adopted into a found family

I Got a New Skill Every Time I Was Exiled, and After 100 Different Worlds, I Was Unmatched - 0/10. Why are isekai titles actually the worst sometimes. Manga itself is meh, in my opinion. It has potential ruined by the usual commodification of women, so I dropped it despite my interest

Bonus:

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court - 3/10. Twain really was isekai titling when he probably didn't know that Japan was even a thing, huh. Not terrible, but it has that isekai style of summarizing the premise.

Bonus again:

The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders Who was born in Newgate, and during a life of continu’d Variety for Threescore Years, besides her Childhood, was Twelve Years a Whore, five times a Wife (whereof once to her brother) Twelve Years a Thief, Eight Years a Transported Felon in Virginia, at last grew Rich, liv’d Honest and died a Penitent - -10/10. It was an okay book but you shouldn't have had this power over your book titles, Daniel Defoe. Seriously. My edition just says "Moll Flanders". Never have I wanted to shame a dead author more. It's not even an isekai but it's worse than an isekai title. It's a whole anime opening credits.

[seresinhangmanjake]

Beyond the Hills: Part 3

Jake “Hangman” Seresin x female!reader (College AU)

Summary: Technically, you and Jake Seresin have known each other for twelve years. All throughout your childhood education, you and Jake shared classes, lunch periods, homeroom teachers. It seemed if the opportunity for you to be in the same space arose, the universe made it happen. But you were not friends. Not enemies, either. Not much of anything to one another outside of the occasional class project partners. When high school ended you assumed you wouldn’t be seeing him any time soon, but then you find yourselves at the same college, and once again, forced together. It seems no matter where you go, Jake Seresin is there. But you are not the shy girl you were in your youth. You want to try things now; party, have fun, do things you’ve never done before, and suddenly, for reasons you don’t understand, Jake seems to take issue with your new choices.

Notes/Warnings: 18+, just to be safe. Minors DNI. underage drinking (depending on your country, but I’m in the US). I’d bet on typos, kind of my thing, as I learn after I’ve posted. I don’t have a beta reader, sooo…just me, myself, and I, and sometimes that does not cut it for editing purposes. Smut-ish.

Words: 2591

Masterlist / Main Masterlist

-----

He'd decided the night after the first meeting that he wanted to get to know you. The need took root in his chest and he couldn’t shake it. But was he making progress? He didn't know. The second meeting you were paired with Ellen and he with some new addition named Maria. Rooster hadn't shown. Didn't need to now that he'd gotten his foot in the door with your friend. Jake didn't care. He cared about the fact that you clearly were fine with being someone else's partner that Tuesday when he certainly wasn't feeling the same. But if there was a silver lining—he got to watch you laugh and smile, he got to see your eyes shine, and he didn't have to worry about what you'd think because you weren't paying him an ounce of attention. Silver lining to the core. He'd prefer the attention. 

The third week was a little better. He'd given extra consideration to Pride and Prejudice, staying up late to finish the book and form his opinions. He didn't so much enjoy the story, but he did enjoy the idea of appearing smart in front of you. So when the TA told them to pair off, he practically snatched you up and did his best to prove he had a decent head on his shoulders. Maybe he got you to believe it, too, at least by the time the meeting was over. 

Progress. Right? Right?

He sighed as he opened his room's door, hoping he was right. The thought was consuming him, so much so that he didn't hear the mix of moans and groans and the squeaks of an ancient mattress.

"Fuck, baby."

Those were the words that drew Jake back to the present. 

He grimaced. "Oh, what the actual fuck."

Lydia yelped on Rooster's lap and whipped her head Jake's way, letting out an "Oh my god" as his roommate pulled her chest flush against his to shield some of her bare body. 

"Hey, man," Rooster chuckled, grabbing the blanket from behind him and wrapping it around them both. "We were just—"

"I think I can guess," Jake snapped as he gestured his hand at the scene before him. "How about a text next time? Or a note slapped on the door?"

"That's fair."

"Thank you," Jake huffed. He ran a hand through his hair. A handful of beats passed as they all looked anywhere but at each other. "And how are you, Lydia?" It seemed polite to ask, albeit with a little irritation in his tone. 

"Good, thanks." She smiled, all awkwardness fading once the shock of his presence wore off. Of course she was as confident as his roommate. Entirely unbothered. She shifted slightly on Rooster’s lap and the man groaned in response, biting into her neck. "Oh hey, by the way, Y/N is coming with us to the bar tonight if you want to go. It's the one on Lake that doesn't ask ages."

Jake's eyes narrowed into a glare. His arms crossed over his chest. "You told her?"

Rooster shrugged. "It was a bonding moment. Right, baby?" He said as he brushed some of the wild platinum hair behind Lydia's ear.

She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, hummed in agreement, and leaned in to give him a quick kiss. Something in Jake ached at the sight—the tenderness. Rooster had known Lydia for weeks and he already had more with her than Jake did with a girl he'd known for years. 

He didn't like you. Those thoughts just crossed his mind every once in a while, completely out of his control. But he'd find a way to bury them because he did want to be your friend, at the very least. Fighting that was out the window. 

Jake looked back at the two sitting atop the bed, still intertwined, still holding each other, still giving one another little kisses as if he wasn't there. "Goddamn you move fast," he said. 

With reluctance, his roommate pulled back slightly from the woman in his arms. "Yea, and we'd like to move a little faster, so can we maybe talk some more about this when I’m, uh, not hard and buried deep in—"

"Stop."

"Unless you want to watch?"

Jake was already shaking his head before he said, "Absolutely not."

Rooster winked. "We'll be quick."

—--

You couldn't decide if you were comfortable or not, cramped in the tight space, shuffling through a sea of bodies just to get from one end of the bar to the other. You were leaning more towards uncomfortable until you finally saw Lydia waving at you from the entrance, her hand clasped in Bradley's and dragging him along. You took a breath and a sip of your drink but it almost sputtered at your lips when you saw Jake following behind the two. 

Shit. What the hell was wrong with your friend? Your first one in forever and she'd already betrayed you. You couldn't fully relax if he was here, and while you hadn't told Lydia a damn thing about the confusing thoughts in your head about him, you had a suspicion she was catching on. 

You took another drink, a long one, emptying the rest of your glass.

"Hi, hon," she said, taking the seat opposite you in the booth and dragging her—boyfriend? Sex partner? you didn't know what they were—down beside her. 

It left you with no choice but to make room for the blond, who plopped down in the space you had occupied. He was close. So close you couldn't tell if the warmth of your body was from the alcohol or his own heat enveloping you. Either way, it wasn't…unpleasant.

"Hi," you finally remembered to say. 

—--

Your voice was unsteady on that word as much as his heartbeat was inside his body. Both were clear and unmistakable, yet unstable. Irregular. If he spoke, his words would’ve sounded the same, and he wondered if your heartbeat was currently as wild as his. Maybe you were a perfect match. What a dangerous thought. 

Ok, maybe he liked you. Just a bit. 

Fuck.

"So," Lydia began, and Jake suddenly decided he had never liked the girl better. Her drawn-out syllable was a crack in the walls of silence that encased the four of you. A sweet smile split her face. "Have you guys seen anyone else from home walking around?"

Your head shook in his peripherals and Jake remained silent, watching as Lydia glanced nervously at Rooster. He gave her a nod, urging her to continue. It didn't fool Jake in the slightest. They were trying to get him to talk to you in some way that wasn't about books, but their conversation starters were lousy and you weren't biting. 

"Well, I saw Cooper Michaels today," she said.

—--

Jake stiffened beside you—spine suddenly rigid while his neck muscles strained from his clenching jaw. His thumbnail started to scrape up and down the side of his curled-in middle finger and his other hand began balling up one of the napkins the bar used as a sorry excuse for coasters. 

"Really?" You asked. You knew Cooper, in a way. Nearly everyone from your high school did, regardless of year. But it was simply a matter of recognizing his name and being able to put it to his face if the situation called for it. Nothing more.

"Yea, he transferred from a different school already. Said it wasn't a good fit." Lydia paused, clearly waiting for something more from either you or Jake, but she wasn’t going to get it; not from you because you didn’t care much about anyone from high school, and not from Jake for, well, some reason. Not until Lydia said "I invited him tonight” did Jake finally look up at her again. 

His brow was drawn tight and his next word he practically spat at your friend. "Why?"

"Dude,” Bradley snapped, but Jake’s attitude didn’t phase Lydia; likely because of her four brothers and their natural moodiness—something she claimed Bradley was already terrified at the thought of. 

"Because he just got here and he doesn't know anyone else,” Lydia said, giving back a minute degree of sass that was just enough to spread an ashamed look across Jake’s face. "Wasn't he your friend?" 

Jake mumbled something under his breath, then, "Not really."

"Oh. Well, he said he was glad he was going to get to see you tonight."

His mouth was sealed shut, face devoid of emotion. He looked…blank. Not all there. And then he was gone, out of the booth and disappearing into the crowd. 

—--

He wanted to shatter his own reflection—just to relieve some of the tension in his body, to expel some energy, maybe feel something other than irritation at his own bad luck, even if that feeling was sharp pain from glass shards buried into the skin of his knuckles. 

He couldn’t catch a damn break. Wrapping his head around you, picking at his brain with a needle to try and figure out why he felt what he felt, was enough to occupy him. Enough to disrupt his sleep, as the bathroom mirror reminded him. He didn’t need more. He didn’t need the return of an intentionally neglected memory. 

Cooper fucking Michaels. 

Maybe he’d never see him again after the night was over. The school was big enough. But could he really wake up tomorrow and pretend one half of a destroyed friendship wasn’t within a mile radius at all times? He doubted the other half would. Cooper hated him, and that wasn’t going away any time soon. 

Jake twisted the knob on the sink and gathered some of the cool water in his palm to run over his face. He needed to get himself together; to walk back out there, sit down beside you, and remain calm. He might not even show, he told himself as he dried his face. He could have had something better to do.

He shoved the door open and stepped into the liquor-scented air, making it all of five paces before your face filled his vision. You stared up at him, and he down at you. Then your mouth opened and Jake waited patiently for the words you were going to gift him. 

“Are–Are you ok?” you shouted over the music booming through the speakers that were set up in nearly every corner of the room. “Lydia and Bradley asked me to come chec—” 

A body shoved yours forward, directly into his. A harsh collision, but Jake welcomed it, savored it. You huddled a little closer to him as the rest of the moving group of people passed, and his hands instinctively went to wrap around your upper arms. 

Tingles, zaps, shocks. Whatever you wanted to call them, Jake got them just by brushing his fingers over some bare skin—your bare skin. And he finally knew what those meant. His thumbs began to slowly stroke back and forth along your biceps but he couldn't say if you noticed. Your attention was still on the migrating group. 

Soft. So fucking soft. And warm. And right in front of him. 

He whispered your name before he could stop himself, and as if you'd heard him, you turned your head, your eyes widening when they connected with his. His chest rose and fell, pressing against yours with each inhale as he gathered the realization of his sudden desire. 

He wanted you. He wanted this mouth on yours. He wanted his hands dipping into your clothes. He wanted more of your skin. 

Jake blinked hard to break his stare and shook his head. "I, um—"

"This your girl, Seresin?"

Pure ice shot through his body, solidifying the blood in his veins and stopping his heart mid-thump.

He'd know that voice from a mile away; could pick out its specific notes and tone in the sea of mindless chattering. Never would he forget the voice of the man who cursed his name and told him in about ten different ways to fuck off and go to hell. Not even in his nightmares did the memory fade, despite his best effort.

An ocean-blue gaze landed on your face as Jake dropped his hands back to his sides, and it took everything in him not to block that look with his body. It was too suggestive, too bold, but that was signature for the man he used to call his friend. Flirting was in his nature—was once in Jake’s nature, too; deeply embedded in the wiring of his brain. That is, until he fucked up under the influence of that flirty nature mixed with an abundance of alcohol. 

"I'm Cooper," he said, his lips thinning into a smirk. He winked and took a sip from the beer bottle in his hand. 

"I know. We went to the same high school." You replied without skipping a beat. 

Jake’s brow furrowed at your words and the pang in his chest that followed them. How many times in your life had you reminded people of who you were? To the idiots who could somehow find you so unimportant as to forget your face. He couldn’t blur the image of your face if he tried, and he had tried, relentlessly, for years. That determination had only increased when he saw you walk into his class, but you returned with a vengeance; the center of his dreams. 

"You sure?” Copper asked. “I'd think I would've remembered a girl like you."

You smiled a tad awkwardly, your head falling forward, eyes landing at your shoes. He wanted to hold you. Wrap his arms back around you. Protect you. Save you from the discomfort that you never should’ve had to go through. He’d failed you countless times before, without you even knowing it. He could have done those things in school. He’d certainly felt the pull, and yet he didn’t. He kept away as best he could. Now, the instinct was thick and wild and it was a sickening struggle to restrain his limbs from reaching out. But he did. The possible repercussions of acting in this moment would tear him apart. 

"I'm sure," you replied, looking back up. You briefly met Cooper’s eyes, but shifted them to Jake as you said, "I'm going to head back."

Best fucking thing he’d heard all night. Get away from Cooper ran through his head. Good girl. Even if it meant also walking away from Jake, he needed you to go. 

Jake nodded, watching you turn and weave back through body after body until he lost sight of you. 

"You never answered my question." All flirtiness gone. A tenseness turning that tone to stone.

"She's no one,” Jake said, his gaze still locked in the direction you had gone, though you were far from his area of vision. “Just in my class."

Cooper hummed. "Just in your class, huh?" His wide shoulder rammed into Jake’s as he passed him to make his way to the booth where you sat with Rooster and his girlfriend. Cooper glanced over that shoulder, his strawberry blond hair—the hair that had won him the attention of numerous girls for years—shifting in the act, and said "Somehow I doubt that."

------

Tags: @marvel-ousnesss @thespeeder @nobody7102 @marrianena @fangirlingoverfangirls @blue-aconite @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @dempy @chaoticassidy @alana4610 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @dracosluvbot @smoothdogsgirl @smit41 @wkndwlff @rileyloves5 @gigisimsonmars @hangmanbrainrot @withakindheartx @teacupsandtopgun @himbos-on-ice @xoxabs88xox @happypopcornprincess @violyn20 @jordanturpen @nagygreta @rintheemolion @coldmuffinbanditshoe @avengersgirllorianna @oliviah-25 @talkfastromance4 @ysl-bby @chibijusstuff @kmsryles343 @sometimesicryintheshower @cookielovesbook-akie @yanna-banana @taylahk109 @buxkybarnez @elijahmikaelsonbitch @ravenhood2792 @potato-girl99981 @eccentricnos @kembry107 @pono-pura-vida @topguncultleader @v0id-chaos @scrappybear89 @stiles-banshees @audri_janis @jake-seresins-girl @caidi-paris @sass-masterkittenmama @mlibbydp @abaker74 @blackwidownat2814 @llymoonie @caitsymichelle13 @zbeez-outlet @ahintofstrawberry-blog @djs8891 @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @themusingofagothicsoul @taytaylala12 @appledressing @boltgirl426​ @atarmychick007 @winterrebel04 @alldaysdreamers @lelapine @darkheartcherry 

[angel-maybe-alive]

My problem with Hades and Persephone retelling

(aka this will not end well for me)

So sometime ago I made a post about things I hate in "modern literature" basically me ranting about booktok shit, and I mentioned my pure hatred for the "hades/Persephone retellings" genre and I tried to explain it in the reblogs but I didn't phrased myself very well there so I want to do it again?

So here I go swinging another baseball bat to the wasps nest.

The Homeric hymn of demeter is this very known tale of why we have the seasons, the plot basically goes as: Hades god of the underworld kidnaps Persephone goddess of flowers, demeter her mother goddess of crops gets desperate don't do her job while trying to find her the world suffers yada yada something something in the end Persephone has to spent half of the year with her mother (spring and summer) and the other half with her husband in the underworld (autumn/winter)

Right

Now let's go to the " doesn't matter my opinion people will be mad at me "part

The full myth as is presented in the Homeric hymn of demeter has Persephone pretty clearly being kidnapped and held against her will

The myth was very clear about Persephone's not willingness to the marriage as she 1- screamed for help 2- was described as miserable when visited by Hermes 3- asked for her mother 4-lightened up once hearing about her 5- is described as being tricked by hades to eat the pomegranates who kept her tied to the underworld

In the context of when the myth was created the reasoning was pretty clear to be about the horrifying yet inevitability of wedding, and the separation between mother and daughter.

Arranged or forced marriages are a fictional thing to a lot of people nowadays, it's a thing of time pieces or something from religions that you don't understand and find oppressive but it was (and still is in some places ) a reality

The arranged marriage has its perks in some context as it takes away the burden of having to choose your partner and if your culture is build on this you would not see this as a oppressive practice just how things are the sky is blue and someday your father will choose your husband.But there's also the fear, your future husband could be half decent person there was a chance or an horrible monster very possible sometimes you truly couldn't know.

Kinda like death itself there was This uncertainty, the fear yet anxiety and maybe longing of it without knowing what would come next.

So in context this tale probably resonated a lot with girls and women at the time as a reminder that after the marriage they can still see their mothers time to time, it wasn't death itself just separation, even if their wedding was bleak as a dark winter, spring will come.

And I love this tale really

Then we have the new context, like I said the fear and longing of arranged marriage is not a reality to many people in modern western secular world, But suffocating mothers are.

There is discussion on whether or not Persephone went on her own will but it is a pointless discussion the result is still the same she has half of the year up here half down there.

But the retellings do a weird thing, some of them reframe it to make demeter the villain.

Demeter goes from grieving mother to an angry wench who it's just terrified of an empty nest and suffocates Persephone she is mother goethel locking Rapunzel in a tower,She is the opressor.

And hades is the stand in badboy he is rhysand, darkling, Damon Salvatore and draco Malfoy In leather pants and all the other guys in black clothes but not in a cringe emo edgylord way in a dangerous way with a jawline to cut diamonds and abs for days, rich and powerful a dominating alpha ready to sweep the damsel ad bring her to freedom.

Do you ever heard that anarbor song 18, if not listen it's exactly the hades guy on those retellings

And the thing is I have no true problem with this concept it's not my cup of tea(I prefer the golden retriever rather than the black cat) and I do think the amount of coercion and straight up sexual assault on those are quite not good, but it might be someone's else's cup.

The problem is calling this a feminist retelling as by making Persephone a willing bride it empowers her.

It truly doesn't.

The original was already empowering a grieving mother doing anything on her power to save her lost daughter is fucking punk.

Yet the rebellious vein of the modern author the desire to be that girl the one who had the guts to actually runaway from home after fighting with your mom for not letting you paint your hair, mixed with the desire to be coddled by a dark prince charming, aman who will desire you so much he won't be able to control himself, a beautiful rich man who will worship you, have amazing sex with you, will be enough of a feminist to respect your choices yet enough of a patriarchal alpha male to spoil rotten with all things money can buy, provide for you as you are his queen, this desire takes one of the most simple yet understandable tale of true feminine power and bastardize it to another opposite Attraction tale.

And this is why I hate hades and Persephone retellings.

[austinslounge]

Sorry for how long this will be 

wow I loved your response to the anonymous comment, because I hadn't seen things from that perspective, in fact every time Austin appears with Kaia or yesterday's show it is very disappointing for me, it gives me a stomach ache, then I breathe, read these blogs and calm down because we find details or see things that at first glance are not seen. 

You could say that I am a new fan of Austin, he conquered me with the thousands of videos that appeared on tik tok from the Dune press and it was like wow he is a handsome boy and I hadn't realized when I saw Elvis, but he is not just any handsome man (because there are thousands of handsome people in the world), he is nice, pleasant, he knows how to listen, you can see that he is a good person and he has his feet on the ground and that conquered me enough to know more about him and follow accounts related to him and go to twitter to see what his fandom says. 

When I started to know more things about him I realized that he was Vanessa's ex and that he was the boyfriend of Cindy Crawford's daughter (I didn't know Kaia at all) and when I saw the first photos of them as a couple it shocked me and caused me automatic rejection, I am 28 years old and I do not idealize couples that look bad together and that show that they have no chemistry, it shocked me that a man like him was with a spoiled rich girl with very different life stories and I'm not going to lie that caused me a lot of disappointment, but I thought it's a man hahaha although Austin is our biggest idol he is a man like any other and I don't want to put everyone in the same bag, but men sometimes get carried away by heat, he was a boyfriend for more than 8 years with a completely normal girl, they broke up and he looked for a very tall skinny model who is only pretty and an accessory that Austin being 30 years old can control in his own way and I don't want it to be understood as if I am attacking him, but even if he did not want to have control over her it is impossible, an older man he will always control your life, he already lived everything that Kaia is beginning to experience and live and being with a man who has everything clear in his life makes Kaia want to adopt personalities or show herself in a way that is not her just to please Austin or to show herself mature and where she pretends to be a person she is not, we have seen her thousands of contradictions. 

I remember that in March-April of this year there were rumors of a breakup because they had not been seen together, but what always happens when we see the ship sinking with force happened, they appear together smoking in NY and then after a few weeks the ones that for me are the worst photos that have come out of Kaia and Austin appear, angry and he walking a meter in front of her and I said woow what will their fans say about this, it is very evident that they are wrong, I went to twitter and I found myself with the surprise that nobody said anything and that they uploaded the photos as if they were goals and on the same photos the people magazine made an announcement that they are still together more than ever and in love? I said am I blind? why does nobody say anything about this, why do they find this couple attractive that you can see had been fighting 5 minutes before the photos, and then the L&S article appears and I found the silence of the fans so strange, it's like they ignore everything bad that can happen with them and they only show when they look good together, until my happiness came to find tumblr and see the real opinions about this, know a little about public relations and everything made sense to me, the problem with this is that by wanting Austin to be happy and for him to find a woman that he truly loves, he slaps us in the face every time we see him with her, Austin acts at his own pace and how he wants and it is desperate for someone who wants this to be now. 

If this relationship is fake or real we will never know, but what is a fact is that they do not love each other, they cannot hide that, the body, the way they look at each other and how Austin turns off when he is with her says a lot, the likes she gave, how uncomfortable he gets when asked about her, how little interest he shows in her projects and her family matters tells us that they have little time left, like any normal couple, they all separate and it is a normal situation in life, putting on that shirt is the least that Austin could give as a boyfriend, he did it and fulfilled, but he will not do more than that, in fact when the merch came out I said a paparazzi walk was coming with the shirt and it took a while but it arrived 😂. 

Now comes the hardest part for many of us, putting up with the minimal effort he's making as a boyfriend. Maybe they won't break up at the end of summer like the article says, and it will be tough for everyone, but it will end at some point anyway, and this advice goes for me too, not to feel disappointed by what I expect from another person's life, since I don't know what he might be going through to make me prefer to stay there. And I'm sorry for the length of this, but I needed to get it off my chest.

Whew! That was a very long read Anon lol 😆

But yea, I agree with some of the things you mentioned.

Anyone who's looking objectively at this relationship can see that something looks off. I think some people just think that just because a couple is still being spotted out together, that things must be going well. But when you look behind the surface, and pick up on little things, you see that smthg isn't right.

I also totally agree with you that Kaia is way over her head in this relationship with Austin, and it shows. 🥴 He's the oldest guy she's ever dated if I'm not mistaken. I think some fans forget that she is only 22. Most women at 22 are still figuring their lives (and themselves) out at that age. Most women are going to change significantly from their early 20s to their 30s, or even mid-20s! Who you wanted at 22 is not always who you want at 30, or beyond. Women change a lot during that pivotal time in life.

Fans have to take these things into consideration. Kaia will more than likely date several people in her lifetime. Austin as well.

I think fans need to take a deep breath and just let this thing play out. It's hard, I know, but to me, they resemble any other Hollywood couple out here who date each other and then break up eventually. There's nothing about them that scream "couple goals" imo.