#but someone is gonna talk some sense into buck and tell him to not let tonmy run away from hapiness

[robinminustherichard]

Eddie, sans mustache, is the voice of reason

(How I imagine the final scene could play out farther)

"He called me Buck." Buck mumbles, not even bothering to wipe the tear that slides down his cheek.

"I'm sorry, what?" Eddie asks, turning towards Buck. "You're on my couch crying because someone called you Buck?"

Buck simply looked at him, eyes wide.

"Don't, don't look at me like that." Eddie shook his head, taking another drink of his beer. "I am not Tommy that does not work on me."

"Oh my god-" Buck's voice breaks and he shoves his plams against his eyes.

"Whoa, Buck. You're gonna have to give me a clue here man."

"Tommy called me Buck, tonight. When he bro-" the rest of what Buck says is too muffled by his hands for Eddie to hear him.

"Still didn't catch that, bud. You're upset because Tommy called you Buck? That's literally what you tell everyone to call you."

Buck took a deep breath, pulled his hands away, and looked at Eddie with red-rimmed eyes.

"Tommy called me Buck after he broke up with me."

Eddie pulls in a sharp breath and winces, sets his beer down on the table and reaches over to clasp Buck's shoulder.

"Oh, man. Buck. What? Why the hell would he break up with you?"

"I don't-," Buck starts, pulling another rough breath in, "I don't know. I asked him to move in with me-"

"Buck-"

"No!" Buck interjected. "That's not even the issue. He started saying some crazy stuff about how he's my first but not my last and that if he moves in with me I'll break his heart."

Eddie sits, taking it in and letting Buck process more.

"So he broke my heart, instead. He broke up with me, called me 'Buck' like he hasn't been re-wiring my brain towards 'Evan', and walked out of my life."

Eddie breathes out, not quite sure how to tread.

"And-and-- it's such bullshit that he would do this! He changed my entire life in thirty seconds and then six months later gets to rip my heart out and leave?" Buck's fingers rip at the label around his bottle. "I can't believe this, Eddie. This is so stupid, and I don't even know how I messed up."

Buck looks dangerously close to crying again, so Eddie pulls him into the best hug that can be had when you're on a couch and also not wearing pants.

"Buck, I'm sorry man," he starts, patting him on the back before pulling away. "But you didn't mess this up. Clearly, Tommy's not thinking. He can't be thinking because everyone with eyes can tell you're in love with him. I've never seen you this in love."

Buck wipes at his eyes some more before nodding. Eddie takes a deep breath before continuing.

"I don't know what the hell Tommy is thinking. It sounds...it sounds like he's scared, like he's closing himself off to protect himself."

"But I don't want to hurt him, Eddie," Buck groans, mouth wobbling, "I love him so much."

"I know you do, Buck," Eddie sighs, running a hand across his face. "And I know where Tommy is right now. I've been where he is, and it's not a good place to be. Thinking that causing yourself pain now is better than getting hurt by someone else later; telling yourself that you won't feel gutted if it's you that pulls away before its taken away."

Buck looks at him, face devastated.

"But that's so....that's so stupid!" Buck breathes heavily, almost surprised by his own outburst.

Eddie looks at him, nods at him in agreement. "You're right."

"I mean," Buck starts up again, jumping to his feet and beginning to pace, "why the hell does he think I'm just going to have some fun with him and then leave him? I'm in love with him. Why the hell does he get to decide what I'll do in the future?"

Buck is breath heavily and runs a hand through his hair.

"A-a-and why does he get to just end things because he thinks I'm going to want something else? Someone else?"

Eddie is watching Buck pace and takes another sip of his beer.

"He doesn't even want to give me a chance! I told him that I want to see him even more and he decides to break up with me because he what, thinks I'm lying? Th-thinks I don't know what I want?"

Eddie shrugs, makes a non-commital noise.

"Well, no!" Buck stops, facing Eddie. He puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head. "This is unfair and I can't believe he would even think that I would treat him as just some sort of, of; some sort of training boyfriend!"

Buck practically yells his last statement, breathing heavy and meeting Eddie's eyes.

"So," Eddie says, "what are you going to do about it?"

Buck looks at him, silent for a moment.

"I-" Buck starts, confident before he suddenly deflates. "I don't know, Eddie."

Eddie groans before standing up and setting both hands on Buck's shoulders.

"Buck." He stares straight into Buck's face, "you are going to go to Tommy's, and you are going to tell him all of this, and you are going to get your man back."

Buck nods, confidence coming back.

"Yes." He agrees with Eddie.

"You are going to bang on his door until he let's you in, and then youre going to tell him that he's full of it and that you love him, and that he doesn't get to decide how you feel, and you are going to tell him that for all this trouble he better have a court-side Lakers ticket for me to."

"Yeah!" Buck exclaims, nodding. "Wait-"

Buck starts to protest but Eddie is turning him and steering him towards the door.

"You are not going to let him mess this up, because he and I are supposed to go to another fight next month, and I can't even kick his ass for you because he could totally crush me."

Buck is sputtering, piecing together sentences like what, Eddie, that is not the point here--

They get to the door and Eddie throws it open, give Buck another gentle push across the threshold.

Buck turns and looks at him, his face unable to convey the confusion fear indignation upset that he's feeling.

"Buck." Eddie stops, holding onto the door with one hand. "I know you, and I know you're gonna fight for this. If he turns you down again, call me and I'll be there to pick you up--"

"Will you put pants on to do that or--"

"Don't be ungrateful," Eddie interjects, "you will go to Tommy's house, and you will remind him that you are a fully grown adult who is capable of having your own feelings and thoughts, and you will tell him that you love him so much that you are literally obsessed with him--"

"Well, I don't know about tha--"

"You will tell him that you stare longingly at a picture of him at 3 AM when you can't sleep in the bunks."

"How do you--"

"And you will," Eddie starts to adjust to close the door, "get. your. man. back."

Buck looks like he's going to protest one more time, but Eddie raises his eyebrows and starts to close the door.

"And for God sakes, tell him how weird you are about the Buck/Evan thing."

With that, Eddie closes the door on Buck, locking it securely. As he goes to turn away, he hears Buck call out one last time, followed by his stomping tread down the sidewalk.

"I'm only listening to you because you shaved that god awful mustache, so clearly you've gotten some sense back!"

Eddie rolls his eyes, walks to the couch and plops down on it. He pulls his phone out, brings up Tommy's message thread and types out a new one to send.

If you really thought that was going to work, you don't know Evan.

[lkfarrout]

Fifty (family fic)

No ships, just Stan being a father figure

Summary: Wendy finds herself in a tough situation and has to ask Stan for money

Warnings: light angst, mature themes (16+)

"Come in!"

With a shaky hand, Wendy slowly opened the door to Stan's office. Her boss was sat at his desk, fez off, a pen and calculator in hand. His frustration at the figures in front of him permeated the room.

"Wendy?" He barely glanced up at her before returning to his work, "Its your day off, kid. What do ya need?"

"Umm..." Wendy considered saying 'nevermind' and just walking out. But she didn't really have a choice. "...fifty dollars."

Stan started to laugh until he looked up and saw the tears welling in Wendy's eyes.

He rose to his feet and she continued, talking very quickly, "I'm sorry, Mr. Pines. You can take it out of my next paycheck, but I need it today. I didn't know who else to ask."

He came around and leaned on the edge of his desk, arms crossed. "What's it for?"

She just looked at the floor and rang her hat in her hands.

He moved closer and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder, "Look, kid. Whatever you did, I'm sure I did worse at your age. D'ya owe someone money?" She shook her head.

"Then what's it for?"

"You can't tell my dad."

"Okay, I won't."

Wendy continued to avoid his gaze.

"What's it for, kid?"

Wendy sighed, "...plan B."

Stan took a step back and rubbed the back of his neck. "I see."

An awkward silence filled the room.

Stan continued with a light chuckle, "It's fifty bucks these days? Sweet moses, I'm gettin' old."

Wendy didn't laugh.

"Look, it'll be alright. Head out to the car, I'll give the twins an excuse and meet you out there, okay?"

Wendy muttered a thank you and quickly left the room.

---

A rock song played inaudibly on the radio and Wendy stared out the passenger window at the trees going by.

Stan gripped the wheel, trying to think of anything to say.

He stuttered as he began, "Kid, I-- look, I aint gonna pry you for details. But if I need to go knock some sense into some knucklehead kid, I will."

"It's fine."

"It was some knucklehead kid, right? Not, y'know... an adult?" Stan cringed at his own question, but damnit, if he was gonna let some creep take advantage of a young girl like Wendy.

Wendy nodded, "Yeah, just Robbie."

"So why the hell isn't he paying for this?" He'd meant it as a joke, but quickly realized how mean it sounded.

"Look, I aint mad about paying for it, I just. He needs to learn some responsibility."

"We were responsible. It just, broke. And neither of us had the money. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm... glad you told me."

Stan pulled the car into a parking spot.

"Stay here."

"It's okay, I can get it."

Stan insisted, "No, someone will recognize ya. I don't want you in any trouble."

He cracked the windows and shut the door with a click. Several minutes later, he returned and handed her a bag. "Hope that's the right stuff."

Wendy dug through it, surprised to find a bottle of water, a comic book, and a bar of chocolate in addition to the small cardboard box she expected.

She looked at Stan, who shrugged. "Figured you might need a little pick-me-up."

"Thanks, Mr. Pines. I'll work an extra day, or--"

He cut her off and waved his hand in the air, "Ah forget that, consider it free. It was... less expensive than I thought anyway." He looked away suspiciously before glancing back at her.

She punched him lightly in the arm, "You stole it?"

"No!" Stan protested, "I paid..."

She raised her eyebrows at him and he finished, "...for the water."

Stan laughed and Wendy smiled for the first time that morning. But her smile quickly dissipated with his next question.

"So, should I take you home?"

The look on her face was the only answer he needed. "Alright, you can hang at the shack today. But you'll have to put on a happy face for Dip and Mabel."

Wendy sighed, relieved, "Yeah, I will."

"I told the kids I was picking up lunch. How's pizza sound?"

---

They entered through the giftshop. Stan held the door open for Wendy with one hand, a pizza box in the other.

"Hey, uh, make sure you read that box real close and if you start to feel sick at all, let me know, okay?"

"I will, thanks." Wendy stayed behind like they'd discussed, and he continued toward the main part of the house before pausing.

"Oh, and use the phone in here to call Robbie. He should know that you got things worked out."

Wendy nodded and gave him a small smile.

"Guess who got pizza!"

The twins exclaimed happily and started to dig in.

Through a mouthful, Stan casually spoke. "Oh hey, save some for Wendy, I saw her walkin' over just a minute ago."

[firewasabeast]

no but tommy and buck get into a fight and it's a big one. one that feels like the end and hurts like the end and they haven't spoken in a couple days. tommy is at his place sulking when there's a knock on his door. he opens it and is surprised to see howie there, wanting to check on him. he comes in and they talk for a bit. howie tells him to give buck a little time. they'll figure everything out. he's never been like this with anyone before. it hurts more when you really care about someone.

after howie leaves, tommy only has about ten minutes to himself before there's another knock on the door. bobby this time. he says he's there because he made too much meatloaf and mashed potatoes and was just gonna drop off some extras. but he stays and warms up the food and eats with tommy, making sure he finishes his plate because bobby knows he probably hasn't eaten in a while.

he gets a text from hen a few hours later reminding him that they're both stubborn and one of them needs to stop being an idiot first so they can fix things. tommy texts back that he really screwed up, and she replies that they both said things they didn't mean, and the thing about a mutual screw up is that you can mutually apologize and mutually learn from it and mutually agree to do better.

it's late, like middle of the night late, when he gets a simple text from maddie. it's just a heart, nothing more, and tommy's pretty sure that buck is probably there with her right now spilling his guts to her about their fight. it takes him twenty minutes to gather enough courage to send a heart back.

he doesn't sleep, just like he hasn't for the last two nights, and there's a knock on his door before the sun comes up. it's eddie this time, and he's glaring at tommy with a six pack in his hands. he tells tommy he will not let buck sleep on his couch another night because the snoring is ridiculous and the whining is even worse. he was on the phone with maddie until 3am and he has no idea how to whisper apparently. still, even in his annoyance, he comes in and asks tommy how he's doing. they sit on the couch and talk and drink because even though it's early they've both lost all sense of time.

in all this, tommy admits he is kind of shocked, because everyone from the 118 has checked on him in some way. eddie shrugs, answers simply, "you're family too, man." it's the first time tommy realizes he doesn't have these people just because of evan, he has them because they like him and want him around.

obviously, buck arrives at tommy's place a couple hours later. he's panicked and shaky when tommy answers the door, which immediately worries tommy because he hates to see evan like that. but the panic turns to shock when he sees tommy is actually there and he grabs at his heart as he exclaims, "chimney told me you were dead!"

they end up apologizing, making up and promising to be better. tommy shoots chimney a text. seriously, howie, you told him i was dead?

howie responds: 100% success rate with that one. you can thank me later.

[samandcolbyownme]

matt sturniolo x preg!best friend reader. they had a drunk ons and reader got pregnant. she doesn’t know what to do so she tells bsf!nick and matt and chris overhear?

i love your writing btw!!!

Warnings: strong language, established friendships, pregnancy talk, pregnant!reader, dad!Matt, morning sickness, feelings of worry/being scared, kissing, mostly fluff

Word Count: 3.8 | unedited

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

After helping your friends film a truth or drink video for their channel, you found yourself in the hot tub.

You yourself were kind of tipsy, with the drink you were drinking, you were quickly working your way to being drunk along with Matt who sat across from you.

“Hey, uh. Thanks for helping us do this tonight.” He brings his glass up to take a drink, “I’m glad someone more sober was there to mediate.”

You laugh, “I wouldn’t say sober. Those shots Nick made me do kind of got to me a lot faster than I initially thought they would.” You bring your glass up to your lips, taking a sip as you glance over at Matt, “What?”

He shakes his head, “Nothing, you’re just…” he sighs, “So beautiful.”

You roll your eyes, leaning forward to sit up more, “You’re drunk.”

“I may be drunk, but come tomorrow.. when I’m sober, I’ll still think you’re beautiful.”

You smile slightly, leaning over to grab the bottle of alcohol.

“What are you doing?” Matt asks as he leans forward.

You glance over at him, “I’m just.. uh..” you laugh slightly as you pour some into your glass, “Getting some liquid courage.. because..” you set the bottle down and take the shot.

You take a deep breath, “What I’m about to might ruin our friendship and I really don’t want to think about that right now.”

You move over, straddling his lap and he drops his glass into the water, his hands instantly moving to your waist as he whispers, “It won’t ruin it.”

You grind down onto him as your lips connect with his, moving slowly with heat burning rapidly between the two or you.

He slides his hands down to your ass, bucking his hips up as he swallows your moans and groans lowly himself.

“Do you want to?” You whisper against his lips and he chuckles, “You have no idea.”

You jump, the timer on your phone ripping you from your thoughts and you scramble to turn it off. You drop it to the floor, reaching down with shaky hands to pick it back up and finally silence it.

You let out a slow breath, glancing at yourself in the mirror before you close your eyes and mentally count to three.

1..

2..

3..

You flip the test over and your knees go weak. You drop the test, gripping onto the counter and suddenly it feels harder to breathe.

“Oh god..” you gasp, “What do I do? What am I gonna do?” You turn the cold water on, shoving your hand under and bending down to splash some on your face.

You rest your forearm on the counter, leaning down to rest your face into the bend of your elbow and you can’t help but sob.

A few moments later, you stand up, taking another test out of the package and moving to sit down on the toilet.

Once the stick is ready. You lay it on the counter and finish up. You take your time, facing away from the counter as you pull your shorts up.

Reaching over to flush with a more unsteady hand. You close the lid and sit down.

You felt like you were in shock, but at the same time, it all makes sense.

Getting random urges to puke.

Avoiding food you know you love.

And let’s not forget the period that never showed up.

You reach over, flipping the test over and dropping it as soon as you see the second line. Tears instantly well up into your eyes and your mind is just bombarded with all things negative.

You take a deep breath, standing up to walk to the sink.

You avoid looking at the two tests while you wash your hands, you felt like you could puke just from looking at them.

You bend down, running cold water over your face before drying off with the towel.

You gathered up all the empty packaging and wrappers and stuffed them into your garbage can. You laid a few ravels and clean toilet paper on top to hide it and grabbed the two tests.

You walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch, your eyes glued to the two little window screens that both have a double line.

A part of you was in denial, trying to convince yourself they were false positives, but that’s rare, and to get two in a row, also rare.

You stood up, walking to your room to grab a sweatshirt. You threw it on and walked over to grab your phone before your bag and car keys.

You locked your door and quickly made it out to your car and to one of the furthest drug stores you could go to.

You threw your hood up before walking in, quickly making your way to the pregnancy test isle and grabbing one of each kind of test.

You walked up to the check out, thank god it was self scan.

You scanned each one, paid and bolted out to your car. You pushed your hood down and took a deep breath, jumping as your phone went off.

You searched your bag, pulling it out and your heart skips a beat when you see Nick’s name.

“Hello?”

“What the fuck have you been?” Nick asks, “Feels like forever since I’ve seen you.”

You force a laugh, “You saw me last week.”

“I know, but you’re literally more fun than these two idiots here, come over tonight, pleeeease!” he begs, “I’ll get your favorite pizza or whatever you want.”

“Oh gosh, no. No pizza please.”

“Why? What’s wrong with pizza?” He asks and you sigh, thinking of a lie on the spot, “I’ve had pizza these last two nights. Not really in a pizza kind of mood.”

“Oh, well then I guess it’s a good thing I said or whatever you want.” He laughs, “Just come over. We miss you over here.”

“Okay. I just have to run home quick and then I’ll come over.” You start to drive home, “It’ll probably be like an hour or so.”

He groans, “Fine, I’ll manage. Where are you at?”

“I uh, just had to drop some stuff off for my sister.”

Again, another lie.

“Why do you sound like you’ve been crying? You sound stuffy. Are you getting sick?”

Nick knows you way too well.

“Maybe? I know I was up coughing last night on and off so probably.”

“You weren’t crying?” Nick questions and you swallow, “No, Nick. I’m fine. Just..” you sigh, “Nevermind. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

You hang up before he can say anything else and you toss your phone back into your bag. As soon as you come to a stop at the red light, you burst into tears.

You quickly wipe your face before the light turns green and you get to your house as fast as you can.

Once inside, you go straight to the fridge to grab a water. You told Nick about an hour, and now you’re down to about twenty minutes.

You didn’t live far from them, so that’s not what you were worried about. You were worried about them knowing something was up, but with Nick, they probably already know.

You go to the bathroom, taking a plastic cup with you to pee in. You unwrap all of the tests and dip each one in before letting them sit on the counter.

It was shocking at how fast the non digital ones showed up, and of course, the digital ones said pregnant in bold black letters.

You gripped the counter, shaking your head as you took a few slow breathes. Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest, your face also felt like it was on fire.

“Fuck, okay. Okay. I’ll just.. I’ll talk to Nick. He’ll know what to do.” You threw away the boxes and grabbed the tests, putting them back in the wrappers before walking out to your bag and tossing them in.

As you make your way out to your car, you text Nick, I’m on my way.

He quickly answers, About time. Drive safe.

You get into your car, sitting there for a second before starting it and beginning to drive.

The whole way there it felt like you were going to hurl.

Your nerves felt like they were about shot, you didn’t know how to even bring it up to Nick and especially Matt.

You are best friends.

Or, were.

The thought along wanted to make your curl up and bawl. Thinking about a life without Matt, or his brothers, was heart wrenching.

Your stomach felt like it dropped through the car floor as you pulled in right behind Matt’s car. You wanted to turn around and leave but Nick was already walking out the door to greet you.

He walks up to your window and you open the door to step out. You throw your bag on your shoulder and turn to face him.

His face falls when he finally sees you “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, y/n. Are you okay?”

“I need to talk to you about something, but I need it to be just you.”

“Create a diversion. Got it.” He gives you a thumbs up and you shake your head, “Not right away. Just hang out for a little bit then ask me to come with you for clothing advice or something? I don’t know.”

“Oh it’s bad isn’t it.” He shakes his head, “Girl, what are we going to do with you?”

You laugh slightly, fighting to hide the tears, “Oh you haven’t heard anything yet.”

He leads you in and you freeze when you see Matt walking out towards the door, “There she is.”

“Here I am.” You try not to sound nervous, squeezing your bag shut between your arm and body, “Sorry, I’ve just.. work has been hectic and I have a deadline to meet at the end of this week.”

Again, not a total lie, but still a lie.

“You’re good.” Matt smiles, “We’re figuring out what to get for dinner, you can come help us if you’re hungry.”

You nod, suddenly feeling like you’re starving, “Yeah, I could eat. I haven’t had anything all day.”

“Just no pizza.” Nick teases and you nod, “Yes, please no pizza.”

Matt furrows his brows and you laugh, “I’ve ate it the last two days. It was just what I had at the house.”

“Gotcha.” He laughs and turns around to walk away.

Nick looks at you but your focus is on Matt.

“I’m sure you have a picture of him that’ll last longer, y/n.”

You push his shoulder, “Shut up. Thats not- don’t do that.”

He laughs, “Whatever you say.” He walks past you and into the living room and Chris yells as soon as you walk in, “Ah, oh my gosh! It really is you!”

“Shut your mouth.” You laugh, “As I told Nick, you literally seen me last week.”

Chris mocks you, “You literally seen me last week, okay!? And!? That doesn’t make up for all the other days.”

You laugh and sit down in the chair, “Oh cry about it.”

“Maybe I will.” Chris pouts, “My feels are hurt.”

Matt and Nick laugh and you glance at Matt, looking away before he looks back at you, “So, y/n. What are you hungry for?”

“We can do chiplotle? If that’s okay with you guys?” You look around they all nod, “I haven’t had that in so long.” Nick groans, “See. This is why we needed you to come out of hiding.”

“I.. wasn’t in, hiding.” You roll your eyes, “I told you, I have a lot of work to do.”

“Like what?” Nick tilts his head and you sigh, “I have to design a dress for my boss and that is like.. a lot of pressure, okay?”

“What’s the design?” Matt asks and you tilt your head, “Something for the spring line. Floral, white lacy pastel flowers. I don’t know. That’s what she said she wanted incorporated with it, so..”

“I think it’ll turn out better than you think.” Matt nods, “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“I’m trying.” You swallow, “So, food?”

Ever since that night with you and Matt, it hasn’t been weird at all. It’s been literally normal, you both know what happened, you had one conversation about it, and that was that.

It wasn’t until you couldn’t wake up without wanting to barf that you started using work as an excuse for you being so extremely tired that you just slept most days.

You barely had any work, your boss has been on vacation the last few weeks.

“Oh, fuck. Y/n.” Nick snaps, “I need you to help me with something.”

“With what?” You look at him and he nods, “I need your opinion on these outfits I have picked out for my Space Camp photoshoot that I have coming up.”

“You don’t want our options?” Chris asks and Nick laughs sarcastically before giving him a harsh, “No.”

You stand up, your bag still in your hand, “Speaking of, I have those color swatches for you.”

“What the fuck are color swatches?” Chris asks and you bat the air, “If you don’t know, then it doesn’t concern you.”

Matt laughs at Chris and you follow Nick upstairs to his room. He closes the door behind you and you immediately start to hyperventilate.

“Whoa, whoa. Deep breathes, deep breathes.” Nick wraps his arms around you, squeezing you slightly, “in through your nose and out of your mouth.”

You do that a few times and nod, “Okay. I-I think.. I’m good.”

“What has gotten into you, y/n? I’ve never seen you-“

“I’m pregnant.”

His jaw drops, “Excuse me?”

You nod, opening your purse and pulling the tests out.

“Okay. I’m not going to lie, you having those in your bag is kinda gross.”

“Niiiick.” You whine, “I’m actually losing my shit over this.”

“How many..” he walks over, pulling your bag open, “Jesus fuck, y/n. How many are in there?”

“I don’t know, I took two and then when you called I just left the store with one box of each so maybe like eight or something.. I don’t know.”

You sit down on the bed and pull out two, “They’re all positive.”

“All of them?” He asks as he sits down next to you, “Did you call the doctor?”

You nod, “All of them.. and no. I didn’t know what to do, I just..”

“Panicked.”

You nod and he tilts his head, “Do you at least know who the father is?”

You nod and look at Nick, “Yep. Sure do.”

“Well who? Who is it?”

You feel tears welling up in your eyes and you sigh, “Matt.”

“Matt!?” He asks in a shocked and loud tone as he stands up, “as in, my brother, Matthew Bernard Sturniolo?”

“Shhh! I don’t want him to find out like this!” You pull him back down to sit, “Nothing is weird between us, but I know that we’re both young and he has the YouTube thing and I have my.. whatever going for me.”

“Y/n. You work for one of the biggest stylist in the country. You’re fine.” Nick assures, “But he needs to know.”

“No, no I know. I know. I just.. what if he doesn’t want me around anymore? It was one stupid drunken one night that’s turned into a lifetime of being around each other, and I know we’re all friends but-“

“Oh no, honey. You and Matt are not just friends.”

“What do you mean?” You furrow your brows and Nick laughs, “Are you joking? He looks at you like you’re his entire world. That one night stand was bound to happen at some point.”

You sit there stunned, “A-Are you.. what.. I-I..”

“Listen to me. Telling Matt is the best thing you can do for you and that little tiny thing growing right.. in.. there..” he pokes your stomach and you laugh, swatting his hand away, “I know. I just.. how do I tell him?”

“Maybe you can show him one of the five thousand tests sitting in the bottom of your purse.” Nick laughs, “I still can’t believe you just have them. Like, they make ziplocks, y/n.”

“I was panicking, Nick! You can’t blame me for that!” You laugh, wiping away your tears, “I didn’t know what else to do and you’re literally my best friend.”

“Aw.” He tilts his head, “And you are mine.”

He pulls you in for a hug and you sigh, “I just hope he doesn’t freak out and things go south.”

Nick shakes his head, resting his cheek on top of yours, “He might be shocked at first, but I don’t think it’ll go south. Plus..” he laughs and you lean back, “What…”

“I’m gonna be uncle Nick.” He smirks and you nod, “Yes. The best uncle Nick ever.”

“Do you want me to go get Matt, or..” Nick looks at you and you sigh, “Yeah, might as well get it done and over with.”

Nick nods, “Okay, just stay here and try not to panic.”

“Easier said than done.” You laugh nervously and take a deep breath. You watch as Nick opens the door and stops, “Um, it’s not polite to eavesdrop ya know.”

“Move.” Matt pushes past Nick and closes the door.

You stare at Matt, the tears burning as they make their way up to spill over your waterline. Along with that, word vomit spews from your lips, “A-Are you mad? Are we not friends anymore? I-I totally understand if that’s what you want, I just.. I thought you’d be mad so I went to Nick first to see what I should do and-“

Matt’s hands are cupping your face, “Shh, shh.. just, relax, y/n. I’m not mad. I promise.. I’m not mad.”

“You’re.. you’re not?” You look up at him and he shakes his head before resting his forehead on yours, “I knew it was a risk, doing what we did, but I didn’t care because I just love you so much.”

“You love me?”

He chuckles, “Are you going to question everything that I say?” He smiles as you shake your head and you smile slightly, “I love you.”

“You love me?” He teases and you roll your eyes, “Yes. I do.”

“Nick was right.” Matt sighs, “I look at you like you’re my whole world because you are.” His hand slides down to your stomach and he swallows, “And now we’re adding one to the solar system.”

You raise your brows and laugh through the tears, “Oh my god, Matt, that was so cheesy. I love it.” You press your lips to his and you hear Chris and Nick giggling outside the door.

Matt takes your hand into his and walks over, quickly opening the door.

Nick and Chris shoot up straight and stare at him.

“You know, it’s not nice to eavesdrop.” You raise your brows and Nick sighs, “You expected me to leave without knowing how this was going to go, please.” He rolls his eyes and Chris looks at you, “So it’s true? I’m going to be an uncle?”

You nod, “Yep.”

“And you..” he points to Matt, “Are going to be a dad?”

Matt nods, “That’s how it works Chris.”

“Woo! Daddy Matt. Oh everyone is going to love this.”

“No, now hang on. I’m not even sure what we want to do about that yet.” Matt looks at you, giving your hand a squeeze, “It’s up to y/n anyway.”

“Very respectful, I like it.” Nick nods, leaning up against the door, “You should probably call and schedule an ultrasound before anything.”

You snap, “Oh shit, right.” You walk over and grab your phone, “They’re closed now. I’ll have to call in the morning.”

“First thing, missy.” Nick points and you sigh, “Yes, Nick. I’ll make sure to wake you up as soon as they open.”

“Okay.” He shrugs and Matt laughs, “I hope you’re ready for nine months of mother hen Nick.”

“That’s not always a bad thing.” You smile, “At least I won’t have to set a reminder to take my prenatal.” You eyes go wide and you start to tear up, “I need to get prenatals.”

“I’m on it!” Nick lifts his finger into the air, “Just text me which kind.”

“You can’t drive!” Matt yells and Nick walks back in, “We’re all on it. Now let’s go!”

Him and Chris walk out of the room and Matt pulls you in for a hug, “I knew something was up with you. You never avoid us, especially me.”

“I didn’t- okay..” you laugh slightly, “I was feeling sick and then today I just had this gut feeling to test and I took like eight..”

“Eight!?” Matt laughs, “Holy fuck. One wasn’t enough?”

“Well, I took two at first, but then I was in denial so I went out and got one box of each test and here we are.”

He shakes his head, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “It’s fine, ma. I’m just glad I know now.” He grabs your hand and squeezes it, “So when are you moving in?”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

A few weeks later

“Oh look!” You point to the screen, “Are they the toes?”

The tech nods, “Yes, this is the foot, and oh! They’re a kicker.”

“That’s so weird, I don’t feel anything yet.” You look up at Matt and he smiles down at you.

“Babies start to really move between sixteen and twenty five weeks, some people may not feel anything until closer to the twenty five mark, but everyone is different.”

You nod, “Okay. We’re close to being fourteen weeks now.”

“Yeah, you probably have a little bit to go. If this is your first pregnancy, you might not feel it until around the twenty five week mark.” The tech clicks a few times and takes the wand from your belly, “Everything is looking good. If you want, we can do a blood test and get the gender back to you, or you can wait until the twenty week mark?”

You look at Matt, “What should we do?”

He shrugs, “That’s all your choice, babe. Whatever you want to do, I support.”

“I think we’ll wait until the twenty week scan.” You nod and look at the tech. She nods, “Alright. If you want, we can get you scheduled for another check in about four weeks and then another for twenty weeks. Okay?”

You nod, “Okay. Thank you.” You smile and wipe off your stomach before pulling down your sweatshirt, “This is real. This is actually happening.”

Matt helps you sit up and he presses a kiss to your temple, “It sure is, ma.” He smiles, “I couldn’t picture doing this with anyone but you.”

You look up at him, reaching up to lay a hand on his cheek, “I love you.”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! I love you so much! I’ll catch you in the next one! 🖤

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[bettyfrommars]

Call From a Payphone at the End of the World

Eddie Munson x Reader

18+ONLY, mention of smut, yearning, gender neutral reader but a few pet names are used, alcohol consumption, angst, no Vecna, new crush, star-crossed lovers, strange things happen. Reader and Eddie are over 21.

word count: 1.6k

This a mix of several fic ideas that all blended together somehow. One being a road trip fic where Eddie falls for an older reader that I hope to finish one day, plus something for the Stranger Prompts list. Several of the prompts are used in this, but I wanted to keep them a secret. I wouldn't say this is a hurt/no comfort fic, but there will be a hint of that. It is a hopeful, star-crossed lovers story at its core.

------

After Eddie pumped a few bucks worth of gas into the tank, he couldn’t get across the parking lot to the payphone fast enough.  He was sure his heart would explode if he couldn’t talk to you again as the few hours of highway seemed to roll out for an eternity. 

He punched numbers into the metal key pad and then held a hand over his heart, waiting.  Just after the second ring, there you were with that voice he’d come to adore with every fiber of his being.

“Hey you,” his smile was so big it made his cheeks hurt. “It’s Eddie. Wanted to check in, you know, make sure you made it home okay.”

At the other end, butterflies exploded in your stomach.  “Hey there stranger,” you ached to reach out and hold him.  “I was hoping it would be you.”

He played with the metal cord attaching the receiver to the phone box, tucking his chin so that his next words were mumbled.  “What would you say if I told you I missed you already?”

He felt as if he no longer existed in this reality, as if time and space and whatever the hell else didn’t matter as long as he was connected to you somehow, as long as you were real.  The words kept bubbling up in his chest, and if he didn’t let them out and tell you how he felt, he might suffocate.  

You put down the stack of mail you were holding and sat on the nearby chair to calm your buzzing head.  “I’d say you got it bad for me, Munson.”

“I think you might be onto something there,” he chuckled, turning his head to make sure no one from the isolated gas station was lurking nearby.  “I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“I wish we could do more than that,” you said, grinning. 

“Glad I’m not the only one,” he pinched the front of his Megadeth shirt and brought it to his nose. “I’m never gonna wash this shirt ever again, just so you know.  It smells like you.”

“I almost kept it,” you started to doodle spirals on the pad in front of you with a red pen. 

“I would’ve let you,” he smirked, remembering the way you straddled him in nothing but that shirt in the back of his van for one final quickie before parting ways.  The feeling of being inside of you, that sense of completion and connection, would be his main masturbation fodder for the foreseeable future.  

Holy shit, he was crazy about you.

Having such intense feelings for someone after barely 24 hours of knowing them was not reasonable, he knew that, but he also didn’t care.  

He’d been on his way home from visiting his friend Ronnie when the storm hit, and some of the roads were blocked off due to flooding.  The rain crashed down all night, lightning cracked the sky, and all he could think of as your bodies writhed tangled and sweaty, was that he could die a happy man.  

He called Gareth that night, told him he wouldn’t make it to practice, and decided to slink into a dark bar for a beer.  There you were, looking all sorts of futuristic and out of place.  You had a device in your hand that resembled something out of Star Trek, but you said it didn’t work, that it was “dead” and you couldn’t find your “charger”.  You fascinated the fuck out of him.  He asked if you were an alien, and without missing a beat, you responded, “would that be a problem?”

Not at all, sweetheart.  Not. At. All.

“I kinda want to get in my car and race back to you,” you spoke softly.

Eddie tilted his head back and closed his eyes. “Man, that’s all I could think about the whole way was turning around. I feel like I left my heart on the road back there.”

“I’ll keep it safe,” you whispered, making his entire body shiver with longing.

“When can I see you again? I mean, when do you think…should I come to you or—”

The automatic operator’s voice cut him off, asking him to deposit 25 cents.

“Are you calling me from a payphone?” You sounded astonished.  “I didn’t even know those things existed anymore.”

“They’re all over the place, sweetheart,” he huffed, distracted with searching his denim pockets for change.  “Not all of us have strange little pocket calculator things we speak into.”

“I love an old school man.”

Hearing the word “love” roll off your tongue in relation to him made him want to reach out and take you in his arms so bad he could scream.  

“Hey, I left all my change in the van, this is going to cut me off, but I’ll call you when I get home, yeah?”

“Please do, I don’t care how late it is.”

“Okay I will, and also—”

But then the line went dead.

You pulled your iPhone away from your cheek and stared at the screen with a sad frown.  You hoped that one day he’d let you bring him up to speed with the age of technology.  Until then, you found it charming as fuck that he didn’t own a cellphone, and loved to act oblivious to anything involving computers. 

You had your cell charging on the countertop when one of your friends texted you a few minutes later, demanding the details of the mystery man who’d swept you off your feet in some dive bar out in the boonies.  

Usually, you avoided one night stands at all costs.  You had to care very deeply about someone in order to be intimate with them, and for some reason, you felt bonded to Eddie after the first hour.  It was thrilling, but also scary and uncomfortable all at once. 

“What happened to the dude you were supposed to meet there?” Your friend Tina asked.  “The one from the dating app?”

“Oh, he never showed,” you chuckled, thinking that you’d totally forgotten why you’d driven almost two hours away to another town in the first place. “But it was for the best.  If he hadn’t ghosted, I never would have met Eddie.”

“What was the name of the bar again?” She asked after you dished all of the details on your new crush.

“Wait, I think I have one of their matchbooks in my bag—” you dug around, finally holding it out in front of you.  “I guess it’s called The Upside Down? Never heard of it before, but the address was correct, I’m sure of it. My GPS was acting weird, so who knows.”

The bar hadn’t been updated since the 70’s, it seemed.  Wood paneling, sticky tables, peanut shells on the floor, and one of those vintage jukeboxes that played nothing but oldies.  Eddie remarked that it reminded him a lot of one of the bars he did gigs at with his band.

Corroded Coffin, you doodled the name down, reminding yourself to google it later. Eddie said he wasn’t on social media, and pretended not to know what it even was.  Just one more quirk of his that charmed you to death and made you smile to yourself.

You fell asleep on the couch that night with the phone on your chest, and woke up the next morning with a kink in your neck and a dry mouth.

Nothing from Eddie, not even a missed call.  

Maybe he got in late and didn’t want to wake you.  It was almost 9:00 in the morning when you tried the number he’d given you for his uncle’s place.  

The number had been disconnected or was no longer in service.  

Panic swelling in your throat, you scrolled back to the number of the payphone he’d called you from. 

Also not in service.

Glassy eyed, you sat up and stared at the wall for a long time.

Soon after, you wiped away frustrated tears and got on the internet to search.

“That can’t be right,” you whispered at the screen, looking at a photo of Corroded Coffin at a bar called The Hideout in 1985.  Eddie Munson, graduate of Hawkins High in 1986.

You swallowed thickly, shaking your head.

Zooming in on the few photos you found, you couldn’t help but notice the insane similarities between your Eddie, and 1980’s Eddie.  The one you knew was maybe a few years older, but that was definitely him.

Could it be a relative? No.

All of the odd conversations you’d had that night began to click together.  Had his perplexity with the idea of you carrying a phone been legit? You figured he was just being silly.  

There wasn’t much you could find about him, but one final news snippet caught your eye:

“....Hawkins native and Corroded Coffin frontman Eddie Munson has not been seen or heard from since the fall of ‘89 after leaving a cryptic note for his uncle, Wayne Munson.  “He had a bunch of letters he wanted me to pass out to his friends,” Wayne explained. “He said he hoped that he would be able to come back to Hawkins, but he wasn’t sure how it all “worked”. That he loved me, but he had to go and find someone.”

You gulped, tears rolling hot down your cheeks.

“He went back,” you sniffed, choking on a sob. “He went back to find me, he…”

You trailed off, looking up at the clock, and then over to your car keys on the table.

What if Eddie circled back to find you and you weren’t there? What if that bar you’d met at never even existed?

But Eddie, he was real, and he was coming for you.

You left a note too, texted Tina, and then you were on the road again.

Pedal to the metal into the gathering storm.  

—-

Thank you for reading, I love you.

[vunblr]

Unspoken (Ch.2)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Warnings: 18+ only. Wet Dream, Angst-Hurt/Comfort, Alusions to Hydra's Trash Party (if you don't know what that is, google about it before reading please), Alusions to Sexual Abuse, Invasive Medical Procedure, Panic Attack situation, Sam being Sam.

Summary: Bucky tries to deal with his traumatic past, and struggles with his feelings as he grows closer to a new Avenger.

Word Count: About 7.2.k.

notes: Second and final chapter of this story. I hope you enjoy it!

The limo was packed, the air thick with anticipation and, in Bucky’s case, a simmering sense of discomfort. Y/n was squeezed up against the side of the car, her body brushing against his, while Sam sat across from them, legs casually sprawled out, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Well, look at us,” Sam said, stretching his arms out theatrically. “All dressed up for a fancy night out. Bucky, you clean up pretty well for a guy who spends most of his time brooding in corners.”

Bucky shot him a glare but didn’t bother to respond, his focus on keeping his breathing steady as her leg pressed against his. She had no idea how much that little contact was messing with his already frayed nerves. The warmth of her body beside him felt too familiar after what happened last night. He shifted slightly, trying to create some space, but it was impossible in the cramped limo.

“Aw, come on, Buck,” Sam continued, clearly enjoying himself. “Don’t tell me you’re still sulking about coming along. I mean, it’s for charity, man. And if anyone here knows how to be charitable, it’s you.” His grin widened as he leaned forward. “Especially when it comes to these two fine ladies.”

Steve, who sat beside Sam, chuckled, shaking his head as he turned his attention to Y/n and Natasha. “He’s right, though,” Steve said, his voice warm. “You both are amazing women, but tonight you’re especially lovely.”

Y/n blushed under Steve’s compliment, offering a playful smile in return. “Thanks, Steve. But really, all credit goes to Nat here for dragging me into this.”

Natasha smirked, lounging next to Y/n in a striking red dress. “You’ll thank me later when we clean house in that bachelorette’s auction.”

Bucky, meanwhile, was doing his best to avoid looking directly at her. The black dress was more than enough to set him on edge, the low neckline and mesh stockings flashing in his peripheral vision like a neon sign, reminding him of the dream that wouldn’t leave him alone. He clenched his jaw and stared out the window, trying to focus on the passing streetlights instead.

“You good back there, Clank?” Sam teased again, noticing Bucky’s tense posture. “You look like you’re about to crack a tooth.” he leaned back, crossing his arms with a cocky grin plastered across his face.

Bucky’s jaw clenched harder, and his metal fingers flexed, the soft whir of gears barely audible over Sam’s incessant teasing. “Keep talking, Sam,” he muttered, his voice low and warning. “See where that gets you.”

Sam wasn’t letting up. “Oh, come on. I’ve seen that look before. That’s the ‘I’ve got feelings but don’t know what to do with them’ look.” His grin widened, clearly enjoying how riled up Bucky was getting. “You worried someone’s gonna outbid you tonight?” he teased, relishing the tension. “Not that you could, you know, since you didn’t even sign up to participate.”

Bucky’s eyes flashed, the muscle in his jaw twitching. He shot Sam a dangerous look but swallowed the sharp retort burning at the back of his throat. Sam had no idea how close to the truth he was coming, and the last thing Bucky wanted was for anyone -especially Y/n- to figure it out.

She caught Sam’s teasing and frowned, her eyes flicking to Bucky. She couldn’t miss how his whole body had gone rigid, like he was just one wrong word away from snapping. The tension radiating off him was palpable. Then it hit her. Considering the way he had been treating her -distant, cold, like she barely existed- the only plausible explanation for Sam’s comments... Was he into Nat?

That thought dug deeper than she expected, a sharp pang in her chest that she couldn’t ignore. She tried to brush it off, but it lingered, nagging at her.

She hesitated, her teeth sinking into her lower lip before she leaned in slightly. Her voice came out low, edged with reluctant empathy. “Don’t mind him,” she muttered, her words meant only for Bucky’s ears. “I’m sure Nat will be fine.”

Bucky’s head snapped to her, surprise flashing in his eyes before it quickly turned to something darker, stormier. She had no idea what was really going on in his head, and the fact that she thought this was about Natasha hit him like a sucker punch to the gut.

“That’s not-” He stopped himself, jaw tightening. There was no point in trying to explain, not here, not now, and certainly not with Sam hanging on every word. He let out a slow breath, his tone gruff when he spoke again, quieter. “Just drop it, okay?”

She blinked, startled by the rawness in his tone. She thought she’d struck a nerve, but clearly not the one she’d expected. Still, after the way he’d treated her recently, she wasn’t about to let him off the hook. If he wanted to be difficult, she could meet him halfway.

“Fine,” she replied coolly. “Not like it’s any of my business, right?” She leaned back, crossing her arms as if to physically distance herself, her eyes focusing on the passing city through the window.

Sam, sensing the tension in the air, raised his eyebrows but -for once- chose not to stir the pot further. He shot a questioning glance at Steve, wordlessly asking, What’s going on here?

Steve caught Sam’s look and responded with a subtle shake of his head, lips pressed into a thin, knowing line. His gaze flicked between Bucky and Y/n, then back to Sam, silently conveying the message: Don’t push it. There was understanding in Steve’s eyes, whatever was going on with Bucky ran deeper than just nerves or irritation. His expression was clear: Give him space.

Finally, the “limo of awkwardness” reached its destination, pulling up to the entrance of the lavish event. The tension inside was palpable, and everyone seemed eager to escape the cramped space. As soon as the doors opened, there was a collective sigh of relief as they stepped out into the open.

Y/n practically bolted out of the car, the cool evening air a welcome contrast to the stifling atmosphere inside. Natasha followed with a smirk, clearly more amused than bothered by the awkward ride. “Bathroom break?” she suggested, raising an eyebrow at Y/n, who nodded gratefully. Together, they made their way toward the entrance, their heels clicking softly on the pavement as they prepared to retouch their makeup and shake off the tension.

Meanwhile, the guys lagged, hanging around the entrance for a moment before stepping into the crowd of finely dressed people. The venue was swarming with posh elites, champagne flutes in hand, chatting in clusters that screamed wealth and sophistication. Bucky stuffed his hands into his pockets, his shoulders stiff as he surveyed the sea of unfamiliar faces, feeling out of place and more than a little on edge.

Sam, ever the social butterfly, immediately started mingling, flashing his charming smile at a passing couple. "Nice place," he muttered to Steve, grabbing a champagne flute from a passing waiter. "Think Tony outdid himself this time?"

Steve gave a small nod, his eyes scanning the room for any sign of trouble, though it was more habit than genuine concern. “Yeah, it’s impressive,” he replied, though his attention drifted toward Bucky, who had slowly gravitated to the edge of the crowd, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“Don’t disappear.” Sam called out, clapping him on the shoulder as he joined Steve in surveying the room. His grin was teasing, but light-hearted enough to let the tension from the limo ride dissipate.

Bucky just rolled his eyes, staying quiet but sticking close to the group as they moved into the crowd. He wasn’t in the mood for mingling, but he’d made it this far.

The event officially kicked off with Tony taking the stage, his usual confident grin plastered across his face. He grabbed the microphone and began his speech with his typical charm. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to an evening of generosity, glamour and, let’s be honest, some good old-fashioned fun,” he announced, flashing a playful smirk. “Tonight’s about raising money for a great cause, but it wouldn’t be a true Stark event without a bit of spice, right?” The crowd chuckled, their champagne glasses shimmering under the soft lighting as they eagerly awaited the night’s entertainment.

Meanwhile, Natasha and Y/n emerged from the bathroom, looking radiant and refreshed. As they walked back toward the main hall, Tony’s voice echoed across the room. “And now, for the part you’ve all been waiting for: our very own bachelor auction! The first of the two events we have tonight! Get your wallets out and let’s start bidding, people! Remember, it’s for charity, but hey, you get to take home a prize for the night too,” he said with a wink, his tone playful but persuasive.

The stage lit up, and the male candidates for the auction stepped forward, each one more enthusiastic than the last. Tony, never one to miss a chance to stir up excitement, started hyping them up. “Look at these guys! We've got muscles, brains, and a whole lot of… charisma.” He pointed to one of the bachelors. “Ladies, I hear this one’s an excellent conversationalist... and check out those thighs! Perfect for sitting on, am I right?” The crowd erupted into laughter, but there was already a buzz as bids began flying.

Y/n had been chuckling softly at Tony’s ridiculous commentary when she caught a glimpse of Bucky out of the corner of her eye. Something was off. He was standing rigidly, his jaw set in a hard line, eyes locked onto the stage but distant, as if he wasn’t really there. His face seemed pale, drawn tight in a way that made her stomach twist with concern.

As he stood there, arms crossed, his eyes fixed on the stage, a sudden wave of nausea hit him. It started with the sound of Tony's playful words, the laughter in the crowd, and the sight of the men being paraded in front of eager eyes. All of it melded together into something darker, something far too familiar.

Without warning, his mind transported him again back to the past. The dim, suffocating atmosphere of one of the sickening Hydra parties. He could feel the cold bite of chains against his skin, the way they had displayed him like an object, barely clothed, barely human. He had been the prize, the thing to be won, over and over again, with leering eyes and depraved hands deciding his fate. The room around him started to warp, blurring as his vision tunneled. His heart rate spiked, and his breath quickened, chest tightening painfully.

Bucky’s grip on his own arms grew stronger, his metal fingers pressing into the flesh of his opposite arm so hard that he was bruising the enhanced skin. He tried to remind himself where he was, tried to tell himself that this was different. But the flood of memories was relentless, dragging him down into the depths of his trauma.

He could feel it, the sensation of being used, of having no agency. The faces of those who had taken pleasure in his pain flashed before his eyes. His breath came in short, ragged gasps, his body trembling. Sweat prickled along his brow as his surroundings closed in on him, the chatter and laughter of the event fading into a distant, haunting echo.

Suddenly, the present broke through just enough for Bucky to realize he couldn’t breathe. Panic was closing in on him like a vice, squeezing tighter and tighter. The telltale signs of an impending panic attack flared: his heart hammered in his chest, and the room seemed to spin out of control.

He pushed himself off the column. His movements were sharp, almost desperate, as he weaved through the crowd like a wounded animal seeking refuge. His breath was shallow, his steps quickening. He didn’t know where he was going, only that he needed to escape the noise, the eyes, the memories. The room was suffocating, and every second spent in it felt like another piece of his soul was being ripped away. He made a break for the exit, his jaw clenched so tight that his teeth hurt, his mind focused on one thing: getting the fuck out.

Before she could fully register it, she saw him push off the column. His normally composed demeanor was nowhere to be found. Bucky’s face was contorted, his brow furrowed, lips pressed into a thin line, the shallow, rapid rise and fall of his chest gave him away. He was unraveling, right there in front of everyone.

Her own breath hitched as she watched him cut through the crowd with increasing urgency. His retreat was too quick, too desperate, and she felt a sudden, overwhelming tug of alarm shoot through her.

Something was wrong, really wrong.

Without thinking, she stepped away from Natasha, her focus zeroed in on Bucky. Her gaze was locked on the exit he had disappeared through. Her anger faded into the background, replaced by an unshakable need to make sure he was okay. There was something in the way he had bolted, something haunted. She found herself speeding up, her heels clicking loudly against the floor as she headed toward the doors, her eyes scanning the surroundings, hoping she could find him before he disappeared completely. Maybe it was instinct, or maybe it was something else entirely, but she couldn’t let him go through whatever it was alone, not again.

Eventually she pushed through the heavy ballroom doors, leaving the noise of laughter and clinking glasses behind her as she stepped into the quiet night air. The sudden shift in the atmosphere was jarring, the lively event inside faded into a dull hum, barely audible as she found herself standing in a meticulously manicured topiary garden. Tall, artfully shaped hedges loomed around her, casting long shadows under the moonlight, the only light coming from lanterns lining the stone pathway.

Her heels clicked softly as she moved forward, eyes scanning the surroundings. The cool air brushed against her skin, doing little to soothe the knot of anxiety twisting inside her. She couldn't shake the image of Bucky's face from her mind. She quickened her pace, rounding one hedge and then another, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. But the garden stretched on, and after a few minutes of searching, her stomach sank. Was he gone?

She bit her lip, frustration and worry mingling in her chest. She stood still for a moment, closing her eyes to listen, trying to tune in to any sound beyond the gentle rustle of leaves and the distant murmur from the party. Nothing. The garden felt too large, too quiet. She sighed and started retreating inside when movement caught her eye.

Just off to the side, almost hidden beneath the shadow of a thick, overgrown bush, she spotted a dark shape. Her heart stuttered as she stepped closer, the form coming into view. There, huddled in the dirt, his back pressed against the stone wall, was Bucky. He looked utterly wrecked.

His blue suit was smeared with mud formed in the recently watered soil, as though he’d been sitting there for a while. His hair, previously pulled back neatly into a bun, was disheveled, loose strands clinging to his forehead, others tangled and tugged free as if he'd been pulling at it in desperation. His hands were fisted in the damp earth by his sides, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He didn’t move as she approached, didn’t even acknowledge her presence. It was as if he had retreated into himself, hiding in plain sight, blending in with the shadows like he wanted to disappear entirely.

Her breath caught at the sight of him. If there were remnants of her initial anger, they melted away entirely now. What was left in its place was pure concern. She had never seen him like this, so broken, so raw.

“Bucky?” she called softly, her voice barely above a whisper as she knelt down, hesitating just a foot away. He didn’t respond, his eyes fixed on the ground, his breaths still coming in shallow, uneven bursts.

Her heart clenched. He was hiding. Not just physically, but emotionally too. He was retreating into that dark place, she had seen glimpses of it before, but never like this.

“Hey…” she tried again, her tone gentle, trying to reach him through the fog of whatever nightmare was gripping him. “Bucky, it’s me.”

For a moment, nothing. He remained hunched, his knuckles white from where his fists were clenched in the mud. But then, slowly, he blinked, his gaze shifting ever so slightly toward her. The look in his eyes was a mixture of panic and shame, as though he didn’t want her to see him like this.

“I’m fine,” he croaked, though his voice betrayed the lie. He wasn’t fine. He was far from it.

She inched closer, her hand hovering uncertainly, wanting to reach out but unsure if he’d pull away. “You’re not,” she said softly, her eyes locked on his. “You’re not fine, Bucky.”

He swallowed hard, his throat working against the emotion he was trying to keep down. “Just… leave me alone, please,” he muttered, his voice thick with strain, like it took all of his strength to form the words. “I don’t… I can’t-” His breath hitched, and he turned his head away, his body language curling inward even more as if trying to shield himself from her gaze.

Her heart ached. She couldn’t leave him here, sitting in the dirt, drowning in whatever demons had resurfaced tonight.

Without thinking, she reached out, her fingers lightly brushing against his hand. He flinched at the contact but didn’t pull away. Encouraged by the slight opening, she gently took his hand in hers, squeezing just enough to ground him.

“I know maybe I’m not the number one person you want to be with right now, but I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered, her voice firm but soft.

Bucky’s breath hitched, his fingers twitching in her grip. He looked down at their joined hands as if struggling to process the kindness in her touch. He didn’t speak, but the tension in his shoulders slowly began to loosen, the rigid line of his back slightly relaxing.

She stayed quiet, giving him the space to come back from whatever dark place his mind had taken him to. The silence stretched between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was steady, like the air before a storm breaks. She could feel the weight of his unspoken turmoil pressing down on them both, but she didn’t let go, even when the seconds dragged on.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Bucky let out a ragged breath. His voice, when it came, was low and hoarse. “You shouldn’t have followed me.”

Her lips pressed together. She could hear the self-loathing in his tone, the way he seemed to think he was a burden, something she shouldn’t have to deal with. “I couldn’t just leave you like that,” she said gently. “Not when I knew you were hurting.”

He winced at the word, like it physically pained him to admit that she was right. “You don’t understand,” he muttered, his eyes darting away, staring blankly at the ground.

“I don’t have to,” she countered, her grip on his hand tightening slightly, a quiet reassurance. “You don’t need to explain anything. I just…” She hesitated, then sighed softly. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re alone. Because you’re not.”

Bucky’s throat worked as he swallowed hard, clearly fighting some internal battle. The vulnerability in his eyes was stark, a raw edge she wasn’t used to seeing in him. “I don’t deserve this,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

She frowned. “You don’t get to decide what you deserve, Bucky. Not when you have people who care about you.” Her tone softened as she met his gaze. “And I care about you. So, I’m here. Whether you like it or not.” Without waiting for him to respond, she lowered herself onto the dirt beside him, her dress immediately catching the mud, smearing across the delicate fabric, and her legs. Little branches snagged at her hairdo, but she didn’t care.

Bucky clenched his jaw, her words sinking in deep. He didn’t deserve her -her kindness, her care- after all the terrible things he’d done. How could anyone care for him after what he’d been made to do? But what gnawed at him more was how he’d been with her recently, how he’d pushed her away, knowing his feelings for her were growing too strong to handle. He had been cold, cruel even, thinking it would be easier to keep his distance.

But here she was, not giving up on him. He felt his chest tighten, a tangle of guilt and longing. He didn’t deserve this.

And yet, he couldn’t deny the quiet comfort her presence brought. Slowly, he felt his body ease, his rigid frame relaxing as her warmth seeped into him. His shoulder brushed hers, hesitantly at first, then stayed. This time, he didn’t fight it. He didn’t want to.

The warmth of her body, the steady rhythm of her heartbeat, it all felt soothing. He let himself be pulled into the comfort she offered, no longer caring if his attraction to her showed. It wasn’t like he could hide it now, or cared, anyway.

His fingers, rough and scarred, still trembling, brushed against her leg, just a light, accidental touch, but enough to send a shiver up his spine. He wasn’t sure if she noticed, but he did. And this time, he didn’t retreat.

Bucky’s breathing slowed and deepened, his chest rising and falling in sync with hers. His head dipped slightly, not quite resting on her shoulder, but close enough that he could feel the warmth radiating from her. His fingers shifted again, this time curling just slightly around her thigh. It was a small, almost imperceptible movement, but it felt monumental to him. For once, he wasn’t recoiling, wasn’t hiding behind walls of shame and guilt. He was just… there, with her, feeling what he felt, even if he couldn’t say it out loud.

He glanced up at her again, his blue eyes meeting hers. For the first time in what felt like forever, he didn’t look away. His gaze lingered, searching her face for something, understanding, acceptance, maybe even something more. And what he found there, in her eyes, was enough to make the knot in his chest loosen just a little bit more.

She didn’t say anything, didn’t push him. And in that silence, in the simple act of being there for him, Bucky felt something shift inside him. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as alone as he thought.

Without thinking, he let out a soft sigh, the sound almost like a release, as his body shifted, and he finally dipped his head to rest it lightly on her thighs. The movement was tentative as if he were bracing for her to pull away, to break the fragile moment. But she didn’t flinch. She didn’t move. She stayed right there, solid and steady, grounding him once again.

When he fully rested his head, her fingers found his hair almost instinctively, gently threading through his disheveled locks. The touch was soft, soothing, and familiar, much like the night before when she had used her healing powers to ease his nightmares. But this time, she didn’t channel any of her energy into him, at least, not yet.

For a few minutes, she simply caressed his hair, her fingertips brushing lightly against his scalp, tracing calming patterns. Bucky’s tense muscles began to relax further, his body sinking into the comfort of her touch. It was grounding him in a way he hadn’t expected.

After a while, her fingers paused in his hair. Her voice was soft, hesitant but caring as she asked, “Do you want me to… like last night?” There was no pressure in her words, only a quiet offer, giving him the choice.

Bucky didn't respond immediately, his head still resting against her thighs, eyes half-closed as he focused on the sensation of her fingers in his hair. The soothing rhythm of her touch was almost enough, but he knew what she meant, what she could do for him if he let her.

Bucky was silent for a long moment, his body still against her, but the tension returned to his shoulders, subtle but unmistakable. He shook his head once, slowly, almost reluctantly. “No,” he whispered, the word hanging in the air between them. “I… I need to feel this,” he added, his voice rough but steady. “I can’t run from it every time.” It was difficult to say, but he meant it. He didn’t want to escape his emotions, didn’t want to numb the pain or bury the overwhelming feelings inside him. He just wanted to exist in it, to sit in this moment with her without any powers or distractions, even if it hurt.

She then let her hand continue to stroke his hair softly, offering comfort in the simplest way possible. She respected his decision, knowing how much strength it took for him to face these demons on his own terms. “I’m still here,” she whispered, her touch never faltering, her presence solid and unshakable. “If you ever need me.”

Bucky didn’t respond with words, but he relaxed against her once again, his body yielding to the quiet, unspoken understanding that settled between them. Even without her powers, the weight of her presence was enough for him to hold on.

Eventually, the quiet that had settled between them started to fade, replaced by the creeping awareness that they couldn’t stay huddled in the garden forever. The world beyond their little bubble -the event, the people, the expectations- slowly edged its way back into their consciousness.

She shifted slightly, her fingers pausing in Bucky’s hair as she glanced around. The faint buzz of the distant crowd could still be heard from the ballroom, and the glow of lights from the mansion cast long shadows across the topiary. It felt like they’d been gone for hours, though in reality, it had probably only been minutes.

“We should… probably get out of here,” she whispered reluctantly, her voice breaking the comforting silence.

Bucky didn’t move right away, still resting against her lap as if he could ignore the world just a little longer. But eventually, he sighed and sat up, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “Yeah… we can’t be seen like this,” he muttered, looking down at the mud stains on his ruined suit.

She glanced at herself and winced. “I look like I’ve been rolling around in the dirt with you,” she said with a half-smile, brushing at the mud streaks on her dress to no avail.

The event was long forgotten by both of them, but the problem remained: how could they get back to the compound without looking like they’d crawled out of a swamp? They exchanged looks, silently weighing their options when suddenly, the sound of footsteps approached.

Before they could react, Sam appeared around the corner, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw them. His eyes widened, taking in the sight of both of them covered in dirt, hair wild with sticks on it, and clothes rumpled. He raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms and leaned against the nearby wall, his smirk growing wider by the second. “Well, well, well,” he drawled out, clearly enjoying the scene. “Looks like somebody took ‘blending in’ a little too seriously. What, did you two get lost in a jungle on the way to the bathroom?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Honestly, I don't even wanna know what y’all were up to, but good luck explaining that to the rest of the team.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but Sam held up a hand. “Nope, no explanations needed. You two look guilty enough as it is.” He winked and gestured behind him. “But seriously, you might wanna get out before Steve or Nat see you. Unless you wanna be the talk for the next month in the compound.”

Bucky cursed under his breath, his voice low and filled with frustration, running a hand again through his already messed up hair, making it even worse. Beside him, she winced internally, knowing they looked like a pair of absolute messes.

“Sammy, do you have any ideas for getting us out of here discreetly?” she asked with a groan.

Sam didn’t miss a beat, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Discretion? Yeah… you two sitting in the bushes covered in dirt totally screams discretion.” His grin widened as he glanced between them. “But sure, I can help. Just let me figure out how to sneak out two people who look like they’ve been rolling around in the mud like… well, you know, two horny teenagers.”

Her face went beet red, and she shot a horrified look at Sam. “Sam, this it no-” she started, but his laughter cut her off.

“Oh, c’mon, I’m just messing with you,” Sam said, winking at her. “But seriously, you two really need to work on your subtlety if you’re gonna sneak off for some ‘alone time.’”

If looks could kill, Sam would’ve been obliterated on the spot by Bucky’s death glare. His fists clenched at his sides, and his voice was a dangerous growl. “Shut it, Wilson. Unless you wanna be the next thing that ends up in the bushes.”

Sam just raised his hands in mock surrender, still grinning. “Alright, alright! Chill, Tin Man. I’m just saying, you gotta work on your cover story for when you walk back in looking like that.”

She wanted to disappear into the ground, her mortification complete. But Sam, as always, had an answer. “Tell you what,” he said, slapping Bucky on the back. “I’ll create a distraction. You two sneak around the back, and I’ll make sure no one’s looking when you head out.” he shook his head, clearly relishing the moment. "But I gotta say, this is one hell of a way to ditch a party," he quipped, waggling his eyebrows mischievously. "mud wrestling?"

She groaned, burying her face in her hands, mortified. Bucky shot Sam a withering glare, muttering another string of curses under his breath.

“Next time, let’s stick to indoor adventures, shall we? He added, flashing a grin. Before either of them could respond, Sam turned on his heel. "I'll think of something," he called over his shoulder, already planning his grand distraction.

The night was still, the distant hum of the city barely audible as Bucky and Y/n walked along the deserted road. The event had been on the outskirts, far enough from the city that they had no choice but to hoof it for a while. Neither of them had spoken since Sam’s grand distraction allowed them to slip out unnoticed, both too absorbed in their own thoughts.

Bucky walked a few steps ahead, hands stuffed in his pockets, his shoulders hunched as if he were trying to make himself smaller.

The silence stretched on, heavy but not uncomfortable. Eventually, she huffed softly, the heels she’d stubbornly kept on finally becoming too much. Without a word, she stopped, bending to slip them off. "God, that’s better," she muttered to herself, dangling the shoes by their straps before picking up the pace again to catch up with Bucky.

His gaze focused on her for a moment, lingering and taking in the sight of her -disheveled, dirty, barefooted-. She was a mess, and the tension in his chest twisted painfully, guilt creeping into his mind again, not only because of how he had treated her but also from what transpired that night.

Without saying a word, he shrugged off his suit jacket and gently placed it around her shoulders. The skimpy dress she wore had been fine for the party but wasn’t doing much to protect her now.

She looked up at him, a flicker of surprise in her eyes, but she didn’t protest. Instead, she accepted the jacket, sliding her arms into the oversized sleeves. The fabric was heavy, enveloping her in warmth, and the sleeves hung so long that only the tips of her fingers peeked out. As she adjusted the jacket on her shoulders, a faint scent of him clung to it, something earthy, mixed with the subtle notes of cedar and leather. It was distinctly Bucky, grounding her in a way she hadn’t expected.

“It’s warm... thanks,” she murmured, her voice quiet but sincere. Despite everything, she couldn’t help but enjoy the comfort of his presence wrapped around her, even if only through the fabric of his jacket.

Bucky kept his gaze straight ahead. After a beat, he broke the silence. “I’m sorry you missed the event because of me,” he said softly, his voice rough around the edges.

Her steps faltered slightly, her fingers tightening around the sleeves as his apology settled over her. She hesitated before speaking, biting her lip as a bitter truth spilled out. “I’m sorry I’m not Natasha.” Bucky’s head whipped toward her, his brow furrowed, and for a moment, his guard slipped. She shook her head, exhaling sharply. “Maybe... I should’ve sent her after you instead of following you myself.”

Bucky's frown deepened. That was the second time she brought up Nat. “Where did you even get that idea?”

She sighed, the weight of her own insecurities pushing her to finally explain. “Because of what Sam said… on the limo. About you being all grumpy because you couldn’t bid in the auction.” She hesitated, her voice wavering slightly. “I thought he meant... you wanted to bid on Natasha.”

Bucky cursed under his breath, his frustration barely contained. “Why the hell would you think that?” he asked, his voice low, almost incredulous.

She quirked a brow, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, a mixture of frustration and vulnerability in her posture. “What else was I supposed to think? You’ve been treating me like the plague, Bucky. Like you couldn’t stand to be around me.” She uncrossed her arms and ran a hand through her hair, exhaling in frustration. “And then when Sam made that joke, it just… it fit, it was obvious he was talking about Nat.” She glanced away, as if admitting it aloud somehow made her feel even smaller.

Bucky’s jaw clenched, a storm brewing behind his eyes as he stepped closer, his voice rough. “That’s not what’s going on. Not even close.”

“Then what is going on?” Her voice wavered as her hand fell to her side.

His hands clenched and unclenched, wrestling with the words he’d buried for so long. Fuck it. "It’s not Natasha," he said finally, his voice rough but clear. "It’s you. It’s always been you."

She blinked, caught off guard. “Me?” The word came out barely above a whisper, soft and disbelieving. Her heart raced, pounding so loud she was sure he heard it.

Bucky’s gaze held hers, raw and unguarded, his jaw tight as if saying the words had cost him more than he wanted to admit. "Yeah, you," he muttered, running a hand through his messy hair in frustration. "Why do you think I’ve been avoiding you? I… I didn’t know how to deal with it."

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out at first, her heart still pounding as she tried to find her voice. “Honestly? From where I’m standing, I kind of thought you couldn’t stand me with the way you’ve been acting.” Then, deciding she’d had enough of this back-and-forth, she gathered her courage. "Would it help," she began, her tone softer, more vulnerable, "if I told you I’m into you too?"

Bucky froze, his breath catching as her words hung in the air between them. For a moment, he didn’t know how to respond. His eyes flickered with a mix of emotions; hope, fear, something close to desperation.

“I...” He dragged a hand over his face, frustration roughening his voice. “I don’t know how to answer that.” He paused, his gaze dropping to the ground before slowly lifting back to meet hers. “Part of me wants to tell you that’s what I’ve wanted to hear... for so damn long. But the other part...” His fists clenched at his sides, tension rolling off him. “I’ve got so much... so much shit I haven’t even begun to unpack. And I don’t wanna drag you into it. I’m damaged goods, you deserve better than I can give. Shit, probably the only thing I can do right now is take.

She stayed quiet for a moment, watching him wrestle with his emotions. Then she shook her head, her voice steady but soft. “I’m a grown woman, Bucky. I’m very capable of making my own decisions. And I’ve decided... I want to give this a try, if you are ok with that.”

Bucky’s expression shifted as he stared at her, the war inside him playing out behind his eyes. “I don’t know how to do this.” he said softly, his words laced with apprehension. He looked at her, his heart pounding, torn between fear and longing. His dirty hand hovered between them, hesitant, but when she reached out and took it, the tension in his chest eased. “I can’t promise I’ll be easy to deal with,” he added, his voice barely audible.

“I’m not asking for easy,” she replied, squeezing his hand gently. “I’m asking for you.”

Bucky stared at her, her words sinking in, and something shifted in his chest. He felt the weight of all his fears and doubts, but her touch, her steady presence, made it seem lighter somehow, like maybe he wasn’t as broken as he thought. Slowly, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and for the first time in what felt like forever, it reached his eyes, softening the lines of exhaustion and pain that usually darkened his features. “Okay,” he murmured, his voice a little steadier now, though still laced with disbelief. He stepped closer, narrowing the gap between them, his eyes locked on hers. Her hand was still in his, grounding him, and suddenly, without thinking -no more doubts, no more hesitation- he decided to man up.

In one swift, unguarded moment, he leaned in. His free hand cupped the side of her face, calloused fingers brushing her cheek as he tilted her chin up. He paused just a heartbeat, his breath mingling with hers, before closing the distance. His lips found hers, soft but insistent, a kiss that spoke of everything he’d been too afraid to say. It wasn’t rushed. It wasn’t desperate. It was something deeper, something that tasted of hope, of taking a chance.

When they finally parted, Bucky’s forehead came to rest gently against hers, their breaths still mingling in the cool night air. Neither of them spoke, the silence more comforting than any words could be in that moment. His thumb absentmindedly brushed her cheek, as if grounding himself in her presence.

For a while, they just stood there, forehead to forehead, until Bucky felt her body tremble slightly against him. He frowned, realizing that despite his jacket draped over her shoulders, they were still out on a desolate road in the middle of the night, and she was dressed for a gala, not a walk through the cold. “You’re freezing,” he muttered, glancing down at her bare feet and legs showing under the hem of his suit.

“Nah, I’m fine,” she started, but her teeth chattered slightly, betraying her words.

Bucky raised a brow, unconvinced. “Come on, climb on my back,” he said, turning around and squatting slightly as if to make it easier for her.

“What?” she blinked, shaking her head. “No way, I can walk.”

He shot her an exasperated look. “I’m not asking. It’s cold, and you’re barefoot. Besides,” he added with a teasing smirk, “I could probably run five miles with you on my back without breaking a sweat.”

She let out a reluctant laugh, still feeling self-conscious. “I don’t know, Bucky…”

“Seriously? I can bench-press a car, and you’re worried about a piggyback ride?” His grin widened, confidence oozing from his voice. “Come on, let me show off a little, after all the crap I put you through."

She hesitated but couldn’t help the small smile tugging at her lips. “Okay, fine,” she sighed, giving in. “But if you drop me…”

“I won’t,” he cut in with a grin, glancing back at her over his shoulder. “Scout’s honor.”

With a roll of her eyes, she finally climbed onto his back, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as his hands gripped her legs effortlessly. His warmth surrounded her instantly, and as she rested her chin on his shoulder, she felt her tension slowly melt away. Then a thought hit her, and she glanced down at her muddy legs. “Your shirt…” she muttered, a little hesitant. “It’s going to be a mess.”

Bucky didn’t even slow down, his grip steady and sure. He let out a low chuckle, his voice a deep rumble she felt against his back. “You think I care about the shirt?” He glanced over his shoulder, mischief sparkling in his eyes. “Your thighs are around my waist. Pretty sure I’ve got more important things to think about.”

She couldn’t help but blush at his cheeky remark, and hid her face on his nape. His steady pace, the warmth radiating from his body, and the rhythmic sound of his shoes hitting the pavement soothed her.

As they walked, Bucky’s steps slowed, his gaze fixed on the path ahead, but his thoughts were clearly elsewhere. “You really sure about this?” he asked softly, his voice quieter than usual. “Sitting in the mud with me while I’m falling apart… that’s not the kind of life I want for you. Hell, that’s not the kind of life I want for anyone.”

She rested her chin on his shoulder again, her arms tightening slightly around him. “I stood with you in the mud because I wanted to. No one forced me. And if that’s part of being with you, then I’ll deal with it. I’m not afraid of your mess.”

Bucky stayed silent for a moment, letting her words sink in. His heart clenched, torn between the comfort of her closeness and the nagging doubt that never fully left him. “You say that now,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s not always gonna be just mud. There’s… stuff I don’t even know how to talk about.”

She tightened her arms around him, her lips brushing against his ear. “Then don’t talk about it yet,” she replied softly. “Just... let me be here. Let me decide what I can handle.”

Bucky’s throat tightened. The weight of her words felt both heavy and freeing, a strange contradiction he wasn’t sure how to process. “I’ve spent so long trying to push people away,” he admitted, his voice rough. “I don’t even know how to let someone in anymore.”

Her lips curved into a small, soft smile against his neck. “Good thing you’ve got time to figure it out, Buck. I’m not in a hurry.”

Dividers by: @strangergraphics

[callsign-joyride]

So Long, London | Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw

Summary: You think that Bradley is cheating on you after seeing a compromising picture. Content warnings: Angst with a happy ending, college AU Lyric: "You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?"

Buy me a coffee

It was like almost any other college relationship. You and Bradley and met in a biology lab, and you were originally study buddies. But then, he'd text you to ask if you wanted to meet up at the dining hall for lunch or dinner. 

“You're sure you don't need help studying for Thursday's exam?” You asked one day during lunch. 

“Yeah, I've got everything down. How about we go and see a movie after the exam? Student tickets are 5 bucks each.”

“Sure!”

That was what you had considered your first date with Bradley. He walked you back to your dorm once you got back, and even chatted with your roommate for a few minutes. He spent the holidays with you and your family when he told you about his parents. 

Spring break was rounding the corner when you walked out of the mailroom and your roommate had called you. 

“What's up?” You asked, thinking she had locked herself out again.

“Are you on your way back to the dorm?”

“Uh, yeah, why?”

“There's something I gotta tell you, but I need to tell you in person. It's about Bradley.”

“Oh my God. Okay, I'll be there in like, ten minutes.”

As you walked back to the dorms, you angrily texted Bradley asking him what he had done and that your roommate was going to talk to you about whatever it was. He wasn't responding, and he hadn't responded by the time you got to the dorm. As you opened the door, your roommate was sitting on her bed and she looked upset. 

“Don't shoot the messenger,” was the first thing that she said and you sighed before sitting on your bed that was across the room from hers. 

“Just tell me what happened. I already know I’m not gonna like it.”

“Here,” she said as she showed you a picture on her phone. Some girl had her arms wrapped around Bradley. 

The picture was from pretty far away and it was zoomed in, but you knew that that was Bradley. A wave of disappointment rushed over you and you put your head in your hands, trying to process what you were going to do next. The only option that made sense in your mind was to confront him about it, so you texted him and told him to meet you at the dining hall. He was confused when he finally responded to your initial text asking what he had done, and he said that he was in the library. You only had a few minutes to get to the dining hall from your dorm if you wanted to meet him there instead of having him wait for you. He walked over to you once he got to the dining hall, and you led him to a table before sitting down and letting out a sigh.

“My roommate showed me a picture of you and some other girl earlier. You looked awfully couple-like. I just wanna know what that was about before I decide if I’m gonna end this.”

“Oh my God. She came onto me, I swear. We were walking out of Physics together and she just kinda jumped on me like that. I had no idea she’d do that, or that someone would take a picture of it. I’m so sorry, babe. I’d never cheat on you, I hope you know that.”

You let out a breath that you didn’t even know that you were holding and leaned across the table to give Bradley a hug. For once, you were glad that you were just overthinking, but you were also glad that your roommate was looking out for you. Bradley explained that she was just someone who sat at his table for lectures, but that he would talk to her about it the next time he saw her.

“Yeah, I’d appreciate it if you did that. I think it would also help me feel better if you kept your distance from her and made it clear that I’m around, y’know?”

“Yeah, I understand that. I love you.” “I love you, too.”

Bradley walked you back to your dorm, and your roommate was somewhat surprised that he was with you and that you weren’t upset. The two of you explained everything to her and she was quick to understand, and she was also glad that you were okay and Bradley stayed to hang out for a while. It was pretty late when he left, and he tucked you into bed as a joke. He continued to text you on the way back to his dorm, which was halfway across campus.

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[ninjatrashpanda]

Season Eight Episode 1 Write-Up

Okay, so, I watched 8X01 for the fourth time now and decided to do a little write up, because why not, right?

In general, I really, really enjoyed it! Probably my favorite Season Premiere episode to date! There’s a few things I’m not too big on, but for the most part, a solid start to the season! This is long, so beware of the cut! To get into more detail:

1. Gerrard

Probably unpopular opinion, but I kinda like him? In the “Love to Hate” kind of way? I just think he’s so ridiculously over the top evil that it’s kind of funny if that makes sense? Like what do you mean his response to everything is “UnSaTiSfAcToRy; DO IT AGAIN!” What do you mean he flips his lid at Eddie over organic fruit leather while he has construction under way??? Letting them run laps around the station until Buck pukes??? “Have fun with it.”???

Compared to what he was like in Season 2, I honestly think Gerrard’s kinda fun, in his own messed up way. About the closest we get to that Gerrard is that he apparently takes credit for Buck’s ideas after reprimanding him. Even comparable actions, in particular putting his dirty boots up on the truck Hen was just cleaning in “Hen Begins” vs spitting on the floor after Chim mopped it in this episode come across as overly petty here, while in Season 2, he seemed much more malicious to me. 

We even see him have some Standardstm. He calls Buck by that nickname, actually shows concern about Buck not wearing his bee hood, and generally seems to actively try and get everyone out alive. The fact that they actively show some of his less evil qualities imo lends credit to the theory that they might give him a redemption arc. It wouldn’t be the first time someone overtly, over-the-top awful would get one. (Gloria anybody?) Do I want one? No. I don’t. I didn’t like that Gloria got one, and I’d be annoyed by Gerrard getting one. But with this show, it very much is a possibility. 

2. The Dennis Jenkins situation

Okay. So. There’s been some…minor controversy on my dash about this. I’ve seen both the take that Athena is the most evil piece of dirt for arresting Dennis, and I’ve seen people agree with Athena that he should be behind bars forever. (Both are hyperbolic, of course.)

And frankly, I think people are much too black and white about this. Yes, Dennis turning his life around and doing good for thirty years should count for something. Yes, he should still be held accountable for literally murdering somebody. Like, I don’t care that Emmet was a police officer. I don’t think that should matter in court in any way. But a life was brutally ended by Dennis’ hand. A family was torn apart. That Emmett shaped hole in Athena’s and Mrs. Washington’s hearts? That’s never gonna be fully mended, no matter how Dennis gets punished, but to just tell them that they will never get closure and are evil for expecting it? That’s not something I’ll ever support.

Ideally, Dennis’ efforts would be acknowledged in court, and he’d get a heavily reduced sentence, maybe with a chance for parole or house arrest, so he can still be with his family. Hell, I think the deal he struck with the feds to get out is perfectly fine, actually! But to say that he never should’ve gotten punished at all for doing something as horrific as murder is insane to me.

Because yes, for Dennis it was a horrible mistake. For Athena and Mrs. Washington, it was much, much more.

Oh, and because I know this is gonna come up: Yes, I think Amir would’ve been justified in reporting Bobby and how his involvement in the fire was swept under the rug. 100%. I actually think he’s a bigger man than me, because if I was in his shoes, I probably would have.

3. The Highway Call

This is our first look at the actual bees, and as a massive entomophobe, this whoooooole sequence is a huge nightmare to me. But let’s talk!

First, the poor driver who gets stung to death with nobody even giving a shit. I know it’s realistic, and that Julie and Reyla and everybody else have other things to worry about, but every time the show does something like this, I’m like “This nameless, practically faceless character had a family in-universe! He probably had a spouse and kids or siblings or parents or niblings or something that think he’s just doing a routine 22 million killer bees transport, only to later find out he was stung to death and they will never, ever see him again!”

So yeah, sometimes I think I might be overthinking the weewoo show lol.

Getting back on track, I do love the tension with Julie and Reyla! I know people have criticized Julia not closing the AC vents right away, but I actually think forgetting or just not thinking about that is, well, realistic. I assure you, I would not have thought of that either.

Similarly, them only having one EpiPen doesn’t seem like such a stretch to me either. Epi’s come in packs of two, sure, but they’re also expensive as hell and I sure couldn’t afford to casually replace one, even if I picked up the generic store brand. I assume that they picked up a two-pack, one was used previously, so one was left over.

Or maybe the writers didn’t think that much about it and just decided to only have one Epi because drama 🙂

Also, I’m not sure if you could actually get a second dose out of a cracked open EpiPen. Frankly, it sounds really dangerous to just mess with medicine like that.

I will not talk about the second driver and how he had a shit ton of bees in his throat, that image haunted me in my nightmares, thank you. “Why do I taste honey?” makes zero sense, but know what, it was a quality line anyway.

Which brings us to Buck having some random ass knowledge about beekeeping for some reason (Are we surprised? No, no we aren’t.) and saving the day by blowing smoke on the bees to calm them down. Buck is a Gud Boi and we all appreciate and love him 💖 Also, he gets to be a freaky bug boy again by becoming friends with one of the bees that can now join the tapeworm and the maggot. It was adorable.

As it stands, this whole thing was a great sequence! The action was good, the scenes in the car were tense (Even though realistically I knew the kid at the very least would be okay. This show doesn’t kill kids unless they’re Bobby’s.) and you just kinda can’t stop the triumphant smile on your face when they finally get Julie and Reyla out of the car. It’s just a really well done scene.

Also, Buck saying “It’s a bee-nado” you will always be famous 💖

4. Bobby’s new gig

So we don’t see Bobby all that much this episode, but I think that’s fine. I feel like the back half of Season Seven was very, very Bobby heavy, so being a little lighter on him in favor of other characters is a good thing, as much as he is my favorite character.

So, Technical Advisor Bobby is basically just Fire Marshal Buck and LAFD Liaison Eddie all over again. It’s a new job that doesn’t fulfill him, and he’s miserable, and he wants back. Outside of the actor guy very clearly wanting to get into Bobby’s pants, I honestly can’t really say anything else yet about this? IDK, we really just got two establishing scenes for that storyline, not really anything of substance yet.

5. Han-Wilson Family Scene

I love it. I love that they all have dinner together. HenMaddie hug save me, save me HenMaddie hug.

Also, uh, sorry not sorry, I understand why people are upset by the HP reference, but like…it makes sense why they picked it. Harry Potter is still a highly recognizable and popular brand with both adults and kids, never mind the multimedia aspect of it. Books, illustrated versions of them, movies, video games…I’m surprised there aren’t graphic novels, honestly. Name dropping it has no GA member scratching their heads wondering what it is the way, say, The Hunger Games would. Additionally, as much as it sucks, a lot of people don’t know that Rowling is awful. Like, genuinely, I don’t know anybody irl who knows what a witch (no pun intended) that woman is.

Also, 9-1-1 referencing Harry Potter literally just one day before Maggie Smith passed away is…uh…

But with that tangent out of the way, the conflict between Hen and Chim (and maybe Karen and Maddie) is set up very well! Both Chim’s comment earlier that he has two kids to come home to, as well as sharing the HP obsession with Mara shows us that he’s getting too attached, and Hen notices it too. I’m genuinely curious how that plays out because I honestly can’t see the two of them actually fight in any way. The closest we got was Hen randomly deciding that she doesn’t want Maddie and Chim to get married (which was weird, like wtf was that about???) in Season Six. I’m looking forward to how this is gonna play out!

6. The Birthday Party: Tevan

I have a lot to say about the Eddie and Chris of it all, so let’s focus on Themtm first.

So, when Lou posted his trailer door four hours before the premiere, I, like many of us, cheered and yelled and scratched at the walls. I was elated, I was ecstatic and I couldn’t wait to see his beautiful face on my screen.

And behold, when I did see him, I cheered and yelled and scratched at the walls again. It’s my (and Buck’s and all of our’s really) Emotional Support Tommy. My Emotional Support Tommy is back with me and I can finally be happy again! I’m not gonna lie, there were a few times during hiatus when the bestie boos almost got to me, but pretty much always bounced back fast. There was no way he wouldn’t be here. I still, as mentioned before, cheered and yelled and scratched at the walls.

So, not only are Theytm back, they’re also adorable and cute and fluffy and I want them to be happy forever and ever. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a vision in a cone” has single handedly cured my depression. The fact that Buck was absolutely leaning in for a kiss right after has me giddy. The way they’re in each other’s personal space like that!

Also, background Tommy with the balloon he fails to blow up and later with the cupcakes (Why did he get them? Why does Tommy seem to always have cake???) was just *Chef’s kiss*!

7. The Birthday Party: Diaz Family Drama (courtesy of Edmundo, make no mistake!)

Okay. So. Right off the bat, if you’re one of the crazy people who think Eddie is the poor widdle victim here and that Chris is a brat or should get over himself, signal me so I can block you or better, just block me yourself. There is no universe where Chris is in the wrong for not wanting to be around Eddie. Not when Eddie has traumatized him several times over.

To recap: Eddie has abandoned Chris twice when he was just a baby. Yes, Chris doesn’t remember it directly, but we know from the Season Seven Premiere that he’s getting old enough to recontextualize the things in his past. He stopped romanticizing Shannon and saw her leaving as the abandonment that it was. He found it in himself to forgive her after reading her letter, but he knows that she did abandon him, and he probably at least theorizes that it had to do with his CP.

Knowing this, it’s easy to extrapolate that he might have some thoughts about Eddie being in the army, too. Not as strongly maybe because after coming back the second time, Eddie stayed behind and never left again, but I’m absolutely sure that knowing he was diagnosed when he was around two and knowing that Eddie left for his second tour around the same time makes the gears in his head turn.

Next up, the careless way Eddie handles his relationships with Ana and Marisol. He throws himself into both relationships without abandon and seemingly introduces Chris to them right away, which is…uh, not the best thing to do? More so with Ana when Chris wasn’t even ten yet, but still very much so with Marisol later. 

Eddie encourages Chris to grow close to them, because of his misguided attempt at giving him a mother (which is problematic on its own), watches him get attached and then breaks off the relationship (with Ana) or cheats (on Marisol). Eddie shows no regard to how this affects Chris, and it directly influences him into thinking that women always leave. 

It also seems that Eddie never tries working through the shooting with Chris. Which actually makes sense, because Eddie doesn’t work through the shooting himself. This of course results in Chris realizing that his dead isn’t immortal and could, in fact, die at any moment, resulting in him going haywire during Christmas in Season Five.

And then we’re at the really big enchilada. Eddie brings a woman that looks like an exact copy of Christopher’s dead mother into their house, has a quick roleplaying session with her, and then either embraces or kisses her, the show itself seems to not know what it wants to go with. Chris literally thinks she’s his mom for a second! And for the record, Eddie didn’t apologize to Chris. Not out loud on screen, there’s no mention that he did, etc.

So, Christopher Diaz, 13, a teenager, decides to call his grandparents and asks them if he can live with them. Which, yes, is fair. I wouldn’t want to be around Eddie either. Like, wtf, why would I after that??? If you think Chris should be forced to stay in that house, then you don’t care about him, period. Staying there was not an option, and neither was Buck’s place. Buck came in and immediately made excuses for Eddie instead of acknowledging that Chris was hurting and that Eddie was at fault. Sorry not sorry, but both of them failed Christopher in this situation.

And apparently surprisingly for some people, Ramon and Helena didn’t. They picked up the phone at 2am, jumped on a plane instantly, respected that Christopher asked them not to call Eddie, and generally did the right thing: Prioritize the traumatized child, not the parent who caused this whole mess in the first place.

Yes, Chris moving to Texas for the time being was valid and the right choice, because that’s what Chris wanted. I know this fandom refuses to acknowledge (is too ableist to acknowledge?) that Chris is not a seven-year-old little kid anymore, but a growing teen (He presumably started high school this year!) who has his own life, his own thoughts and opinions, and who can make his own choices.

So, coming back to 8X01, the video call. No, Chris is not a brat for rolling his eyes (which he may not even have done in the first place, it might have been his CP), he’s not a little meany pants for not talking to the father who fucked him up who seemingly isn’t making an effort in fixing himself yet, and he isn’t obligated to spend his birthday with someone he doesn’t want to speak with.

Eddie is not a bad father. He isn't. But he screwed up royaly here, and it's on him to fix this.

Christopher Diaz is valid. And that’s the end of it.

Moving on to Helena, she is, in fact, doing everything right. She makes sure Chris has a social life, she shows that she knows his interests and encourages them (pool club, thinking about getting a pool for themselves), and clearly attempts to keep up communication between Chris and Eddie. I frankly don’t see the malice people claim is there. Helena is nothing but a wonderful grandmother in this episode. Even her not moving the laptop closer to the party is actually very much a good thing, because once again, Christopher does not want his father there! No, Eddie doesn’t get to override Chris because he feels bad. Shut the fuck up.

I’m looking forward to how this storyline moves along, and I hope they keep the conflict as Chris centric as it is now. If they actually make Chris apologize at the end, I will scream. Just…good God, this is all Eddie’s fault, don’t mess it up, Tim!

8. Perfume Party

So the general stupidity of everyone involved aside (a perfume party when you know there’s a super swarm of bees on the loose??? You don’t see or hear that the tent is covered in them???), this is really fun! I like that Tori isn’t a horrible boss and that she actually really cares about Sheila! We don’t really see that often on this show lol.

I love that they included that bit about the bees staying over water if you dive in. Like, bees aren’t aggressive by nature (normal bees at least…), but boy do they hold a grudge!

Once again, Buck shows that he can think on his feet with the perfume trick, which might set him up to maybe become lieutenant later this season? I think it’s too early for him to do captain, but I think lieutenant makes a lot of sense imo.

Eddie running from the bees was comedy gold, which everyone has already said (also wtf was the trailer doing trying to use that face with the more dramatic tone?)

All in all, a great, fun scene with nice interactions. Gerrard calling Buck “Buck” and showing concern over him not wearing his bee hood was a surprising showing of depth from him.

9. Athena and Dennis

I’m torn between simping for Athena being a badass and banging my head against the table because she’s abusing her power again. Like, putting that guy in the trunk? Badass? Yes. An abuse of power? Yes.

Also, is it just me or is this kinda like the cartel storyline all over again? idk

The rest of what we get from Athena for the rest of the episode is just set up for the next one, so, uh, honestly not much to say here? I think?

10. What the fuck just happened?

So, I've no real life experiences with the kind of dissociation Buck seems to go through here, but @asraindarkness wrote a super interesting bit about him hearing Eddie's voice in particular here. I really recommend reading through it.

Which leads us to Buck saving Gerrard (or not) from that sawblade. Which...yeah, was pretty cool. Idk, I don't know what to say here, I'm just curious how this leads to the two of them playing golf lmao.

Aaaand that's kind of it. It's a great beginning to the Season, like I said before, and I'm genuinely curious to where this all leads. If you actually read through all this, thank you for experiencing my crazy ramblings lmao.

[jackwhiteprophetic]

For your 911 s8 bingo card

1: Clipboard Buck makes a return and has ready a list of violations and the most unusual rules that Gerrard breaks and hands him the list at the end of each shift with a smile on his face "I thought you might want to look these up and see how they affect your leadership."

2: Eddie and Maddie finally have scenes together where she talks about what she felt when she left Jee and Chimney how afraid she was that she would accidentally hurt Jee. And she opens up to him about the struggle she went through when she didn't leave with Buck when he begged him to, her fear that to protect Buck from Doug's anger she broke Buck's trust in her.

3: Buck talks to Christopher, telling him he knows the hurt and anger he is feeling when someone you love deeply hurts you unintentionally for Buck it was the big Buckley secret, and Christopher it was Kim. Buck won't make Christopher talk to his dad, but he wants him to look at the fact that by leaving with his grandparents, he hurt Eddie just as much as Christopher hurt him, the difference is Eddie didn't plan on hurting Christopher but Christopher did.

4: My idea that Gerrard dies of a heart attack and the team is framed for his death.

5: Buck actually explores his bisexuality without it focusing on his relationship with Tommy. Including him talking to Hen, Karen, and Josh. Just let it be about Buck.

6: Buck and Bobby stumbling onto a mystery that Athena and Eddie need team up and rescue their idiots soulmates.

Oooo yes to all of this!!!! I really would love to see a very explicitly Buck exploring his bisexuality scene in like a gay club or something!!! Seeing him feel at home in queer spaces would be so nice.

And yessss I would love the whole team to be under investigation again (the diamond heist and the treasure hunt episodes are some of the funniest).

I hope they give the characters time this season because I felt like so much was missing, especially in Eddie's storyline- like WE HAD STILLS of an Eddie and Chris conversation in 709 that was cut, and I'm so sure that Buck and Chris had a longer conversation that would have made much more sense.

Anyway this is unrelated kind of, but my sibling is watching 9-1-1 for the first time and is on 704 now and was SO CONFUSED about it, and they aren't like completely unbiased BC I talk about the show a lot, but I am very interested to see their perspective on the rest of the season and will update everyone!!!

Thank you for the ask, have a beautiful day!!!! I'm gonna make some yummy spaghetti and then go visit my granny's grave it's gonna be so nice!!

[theshypinkflower]

🎃 Kinktober ~ Intoxication/Facless

🔨 Strade (Day 10)

Non con, intoxication, dubcon?, idk some type of con, public sex

You really should be more careful of how you drink! Poor little you, couldn't even wall with how much you drank. Then again, was it really your fault? There was such a kind stranger at the bar and he just kept buying you round after round. What reason did you have not to trust him? He was so friendly and he called you such nice things.

Although you really couldn't tell when the nice things stopped and the degradation kicked in. Surely “leibling” and “dumpkoff” mean the same thing. How could they not when he always spoke with such a smile! He'd talk to you all the while you threw back shots. “My, you've had enough to drink an Irishman under the table,” he'd chuckle before sliding you a beer. 

“Oh shit,” you muttered and rubbed your eyes, “I really shouldn't.” Your words were slurred and a mess thanks to your inebriated state. You tried to resist having anymore, you were hardly having a hard time holding your head up! But…one more drink wouldn't hurt right? 

You loved the way it burned your throat the entire way down. Alcohol was always the miracle solution for when you wanted to forget. And forget you did! Why, you couldn't even remember what his face looked like. “Okay..now…’hould go home,” you hiccuped as you struggled to stand up.

Your legs wobbled and buckled, thank goodness he was there to catch you. “You ‘ought to be careful! Could've hit the ground and cracked your head!” He said with a laugh as he put your arm around his neck. Your enabler happily led you out the door, and stupid little you didn't even realize he was leading you away from your car.

Took you a moment to realize you were instead in an alleyway. The smell from the garbage did not help your senses, and you immediately lurched over to throw up what little food in your stomach. You could hear him laugh as you vomited and stumbled like an utter idiot, clinging to him for dear life.

“Awww, feel better?” He cooed to which you slowly nodded. “Don't worry, buddy, I can make you feel a whole lot better,” he said with a sultry grin. You didn't even fight him as he shoved your head against the brick wall, snaking his other hand around your waist to undo your pants. “Not even gonna fight? Perhaps I gave you one too many!” He laughed in your ear as he fondled you. 

You whined as he nudged your pants and underwear down. “Heyyyyyy…not in public!” You complained as his chest pressed against your back. His boner poked your ass, eliciting a drunken giggle from you. “What if someone sees us?” you added and squirmed underneath his weight.

“Oh I doubt a drunk little thing like yourself would care if they're seen,” the stranger whispered in your ear. He pulled his cock out, grinding it against the soft plush of your ass. “Infact, I think you'd enjoy it!” he exclaimed before shoving his cock deep inside you, no lube or anything.

You let out a pained yelp as your hole stretched uncomfortably around his length. It wasn't long before he began moving his hips, biting into your neck to stifle a moan. Tears welled up in your eyes due to the painful feeling. The pain easily subsided as he began getting you off with his hand. 

You couldn't help but moan and grind against his hand. “Aren't you a vocal little birdie?” The voice teased as you fucked yourself back onto his cock. “So desperate! You just wanted to get fucked in an alleyway, huh?” He asked as his hips roughly slammed into you. The slutty moans you let out was enough of a response for him. 

You continued bucking your hips against his hand, fucking yourself stupid on his hand and dick. He groaned as you clenched around him, feeling so nice ‘n tight around his length. “You make such a good toy for me,” he groaned. You were much to inebriated and fucked silly to comprehend his words. It was a sight for him to see your brain practically leak out. 

His cock throbbed as he abused the sweet spot in your ass. He grinded his hips against yours, cumming deep inside you with a groan. You whined and whimpered as you came all over his hand, leaving a sticky mess. He panted and pulled out, watching his cum spill out and onto your clothes below. You sighed in content, your eyes heavy and your shoulders slouched. 

“Heh, if you're here next week, I'll buy you another round, buddy!”

[luckycharms1701]

got a response to my last post and fuck if i didn't pull my computer out at one in the morning so i could do this particular topic justice

my "time to talk about family dynamics in tmnt" button was pushed real hard, and i don't get enough opportunities to talk about this

So let's talk about Leo's position in the family in the Bayverse movies. That's right folks, we're pulling out capital letters for the leader in blue, because this is a topic I am super serious about. Full college paper levels of serious. Gonna need to know how you want your sources cited.

This is a fascinating take tbh, and I would love to hear more about how you came to this conclusion. Allow me to show you why my position is different.

First:

I think this image says a lot. Leo's a daddy's boy long before anything like parentification could possibly come into play. Also it's really cute, look at him loving his dad!!

Second, let's talk parentification. Boiled down to its basics, parentification is when a child, usually the eldest, acts like a secondary or replacement parent. This is the part that really gets me, because I just don't see any evidence of it in the movies at all.

We do get to see some scenes from when they are kids, and no where is it suggested that Leo is anything other than another one of the boys.

Sure, Mikey hides behind him when play-fighting with Raph after the buck-buck scene, but that's just younger sibling behavior. No where is it implied that this happens because anyone expects it of Leo. That, I think, might be the closest to "parentification" that occurs in the movies.

The thing is, I don't think Leo has been the leader very long at the beginning of the 2014 movie. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if it's a move Splinter made just before or even as the movie starts. Leo's and Raph's argument really solidifies that for me:

Raph: And who put you in charge?

Leo: You know who did.

This smacks, on Leo's part, of someone borrowing another's authority to shore up their own. That tells me that Leo at least does not feel that he has this authority on his own merit, that he's new to leadership. Raph senses this like a shark in bloody water, and he pushes because there's vulnerability there. (more on this later *rubs hands together in glee*)

I think that there is evidence in the 2016 movie that Leo is relatively new to a position of authority as well. His struggle to maintain the delicate balance of his brother's personalities and the fact that he allows his own personality to get in the way of being a good leader are prime examples.

These are pitfalls that a parentified person would already have experienced and would be able to avoid, and so they wouldn't have happened if Leo was parentified.

Third, let's talk about Leo and Raph.

So, my position here is that Leo and Raph DO have a normal sibling relationship, at least as normal as it can get when you are turtle mutants living in the sewers with only each other for company.

Anecdotal, I know, but I have a bit of experience with a similar dynamic to the one you assigned to them. I am the oldest of three, and my sister (middle) and I did NOT get along as kids. It got to the point where I thought as teens that once I left the house we would never talk to each other ever again.

Perceived favoritism was definitely an issue in my and my sister's relationship. Is it an issue with Leo and Raph? I honestly don't think we get enough time with Splinter in the movies to determine that concretely. It's definitely possible, but I believe something different is, either concurrently with or instead of favoritism, at play here.

I know it's easy to forget because they look Like That, but the turtles are teenagers. They are immature and don't always know how to express themselves. And Raph in particular struggles because he feels so strongly. It can be hard to control it when your emotions are strong like that, don't ask me how I know.

However, he gives himself away at the end of the 2014 movie. "Every time... I pushed you beyond your limits, it was because I believe in you! I believe in each one of you!"

Remember when I said that Raph sensed Leo's vulnerability and pushed on it? We've come back baby! I am firmly in the camp of 'both Raph and Leo are good leaders in their own way', and I think this is part of what makes Raph a good leader.

Sometimes Raph is actually annoyed at Leo for whatever reason, being told what to do the most common I think. But!! Remember, Raph also believes in his brothers, Leo included. So he puts Leo on the spot in a mostly controlled environment to help him learn how to be a leader. There's a lot more I could say here, but that's a Raph post, and this is about Leo.

So is it favoritism, Raph's need for independence, or Raph pushing Leo that causes tension in their relationship? I think it's a bit of all of that and more.

There is a fourth section to this post, about Splinter, but it is now almost four in the morning, I have to get up in like two hours, and I already fell asleep once while writing this. But know that in this iteration at least, Splinter is a decent single father of four boys, he did not parentify Leo, and any favoritism is unintentional.

Anyway, in my house we spend a lot of time talking about how much Leo loves his dad.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hi Cal!!! Lol I’m bad at thinking of nicknames so PCA works for me :p I’m glad the broken up requests works well for you - I’ll keep doing it!

As always I love everything you write!!!

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️(awww bobby getting them the venue! He loves his son! And buck and eddie being so themselves at the idea of a museum wedding was adorable!)

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(BUCKLEY PARENTS INCOMING!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! I’m so pumped I’ve been waiting for this and I’m so curious about how it’s gonna go in this world)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟(buckley sibling reunions warm my heart! And we love some buddie beginnings! So excited that the whole team is together now - can’t wait to see what happens next!)

HI PCA BESTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT WEEKEND! THANK YOU AS ALWAYS!

63 for ⚡️ (Thank you!!!! Very excited for several little special moments this chapter):

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“Let me help with your tie,” Eddie says, crossing the room to him. 

“Thanks,” Chris says, standing a bit straighter to give Eddie a better vantage. 

They made sure that Chris got a suit that matches theirs, but isn’t exactly the same. A lighter shade of blue than the navy Eddie and Buck chose for themselves. At the time, navy had made a lot of sense. It was a color that suited them both. It was comfortable for them. It would look nice in the photos taken at the restaurant. Now, with the wedding being moved to a literal firefighting museum, Eddie worries it might look a little too on the nose. But, hey, at this point, there’s nothing to be done. 

“You still feeling good about today?” Eddie asks as he works on Christopher’s tie. 

“If I say no, are you going to cancel the wedding?” 

Eddie freezes.

“Jeez, Dad, I’m kidding.”

“Not funny,” Eddie huffs. 

“It kind of was,” Chris says. “You should have seen your face.”

“I’m going to take that as yes, you are still feeling good about today,” Eddie grumbles.

“Of course I am,” Chris replies. “I’m really happy about it, Dad.”

Eddie takes a deep, relieved breath. Not that he was expecting any differently, really. But he wants to keep checking in. He knows it’s emotional, for a kid, watching their parent marry someone else. Even if Shannon has been gone for years, and he knows Eddie is gay, and he loves Buck. It’s still emotional. And Chris is still his number one priority. 

“Just making sure,” Eddie tells him, finishing with his tie. “I know there’s a lot of change and we’re moving… But you are still the most important thing in the world to me. And to Buck.”

“I know, Dad,” Chris replies. He steps forward and hugs Eddie. 

Eddie’s throat tightens. He wraps his arms around his son, squeezing him tight. 

“You’re the best kid in the world, you know that?” Eddie asks him.

“Yeah, you tell me,” Chris replies a little smugly. 

Eddie chuckles. “Only because it’s true.”

Later, on the drive to the museum, Eddie’s mother drives in the truck with him and Chris. It’s quiet, as they sit in traffic. In the backseat, Chris has his headphones in and is playing a game on his phone. Eddie has music playing softly. He’s a little nervous, truth be told. Not for any particular big reason, but just with the overall importance of everything. And, honestly, the whole vows thing. He’s not sure how he let Buck talk him into that one. He doesn’t love public speaking, least of all when he’ll already be emotional. 

“Eddie,” his mother says as they pull up to a red light. Her voice is quiet enough so as not to reach Christopher over his music. 

“Yeah?”

“You’re happy today?” She asks quietly. “This is what makes you happy?”

Eddie feels a wave of frustration. “What are you talking about? Of course I’m happy, Mom. I’m getting married.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to… It’s just that, you didn’t do it because you were happy last time.” She explains. “So I just wanted to ask.”

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75 for 🚨 (YAY! Yeah it's not gonna go GREAT):

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Well, yes. He’s not recovering from bullet wounds or grieving or on trial for manslaughter anymore. 

“Thank you,” he replies tightly. He motions back to Eddie. “This is Eddie. My boyfriend.”

They look at Eddie, then look back at Buck, then exchange a glance. Like they can’t quite believe it. It can’t be that Eddie’s a man. Maddie mentioned to them that he’d be bringing a boyfriend to dinner tonight. So it’s just that Eddie is Eddie and Buck is Buck. And they’re wondering… Well, how? Buck feels queasy. 

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Buckley,” Eddie says, stepping forward to shake their hands. His voice is carefully neutral. “Good to meet you.”

“Eddie,” Phillip shakes his hand. “Is that short for Edward?” 

Eddie blinks. “Uh, no. Edmundo.”

“Edmundo,” Margaret echoes. “How unique.”

Neither of them ask him any further questions. Right. Because they’re genuinely not interested. Eddie realizes they’re not going to ask him any more about himself and takes a step back, returning to Buck’s side with a protective hand on his lower back. Buck wants to apologize for their rudeness. But then he remembers it’s not on him. All they’re here to do is show Maddie they can handle it. Buck can handle it. 

Chim steps forward to introduce Albert and Buck tries to let his mind space out. He focuses on the feeling of Eddie’s hand on his back. He’s got this. He can do it. He won’t make a scene. He won’t fall apart. He won’t be the asshole ruining Maddie’s family dinner. 

🔹🔹🔹

Eddie knew he wouldn’t like Buck’s parents. What he didn’t expect was to find them so… Socially challenged? Over the course of their meal, they really prevent any conversation they’re a part of from flowing normally. It’s like their determination to not pay proper attention to Buck stymies everyone else’s efforts to make the evening normal. When Albert, Maddie, or Chim try bringing Buck into a conversation, they simply pull out of it or change the topic. They have a bit more grace with Eddie, but it’s still painfully obvious they don’t care to hear from him. 

It doesn’t really make sense to Eddie. He watches it all like watching a poorly written play, where none of the character motivations are clear. These are his parents. And they don’t even want to know how he’s doing. Somehow, Buck’s own lack of self-regard is becoming a hell of a lot more clear to Eddie. Its origins sitting across from him at the dinner table, trying to avoid eye-contact. 

It all sort of comes to a head as they’re finishing eating. 

“I’m glad you guys had a nice drive,” Maddie says.

“We saw a lot of the country,” Phillip replies. 

“The first few days there was nothing but rain, then we got here, blue skies and sunshine,” Margaret adds. 

“That’s California for you,” Buck mumbles. Not rudely. Just… Sort of flat. Like he’s only half here. 

Margaret nods away this comment. 

“I-I can’t believe you drove all the way across the country,” Albert says. “In an RV! That sounds exciting.”

“Statistically speaking, it seemed the safest way to travel right now,” Phillip says. 

“Yeah, we didn’t want to take any chances, given Maddie’s condition,” Margaret adds. “And it being a high-risk pregnancy.”

Maddie frowns at this comment. Eddie holds back a wince. 

“Well, no,” Chimney says. “It’s not really high-risk-”

“Oh, she’s over thirty-five,” Margaret doubles down. “That puts her at a higher risk. So we all need to be extra careful.”

---

63 for 🧟 (Thank you!!! Excited to share my plans!)

---

It has been without a doubt, one of the strangest weeks of Chim’s life since the end of the world. Which is really saying something. And it’s only Thursday. There’s still a few more days to shake things up even further. Maybe a celebrity will show up next, like Bill Murray in Zombieland. That would be pretty cool. 

It’s somewhat alarming to have the population of their little settlement double in a matter of hours. More alarming when one of your original members suddenly announces he’s leaving. Chim feels like his brain and sense of normalcy are going through the spin cycle. 

“I’ll be back!” Buck insists, when everyone looks at him like he’s grown a second head. And why would they? For months he’s been talking about his sister, and she’s finally here, and he’s leaving her. “I’m just going to help Eddie find his wife.”

Which is a dangerous task. Although, Chim suspects he understands why Buck is sympathetic to the guy’s quest. Considering the crap he pulled in the name of his own. Yeah, Chim wasn’t thrilled when he heard about the radio. He wasn’t thrilled, but he couldn’t exactly be mad, either. 

Chim can’t be mad, because Chim doesn’t know what it’s like. See, the apocalypse - or whatever the hell this is - has been a little different for him than most survivors. Or, what he imagines it’s like for most survivors. The people who Chim would be most concerned about, were they separated, are Hen and Karen. His closest friends. He’s lost everyone else he might leave his safety for. The rest? Well, he’s not certain they’re thinking about him. If they're alive.

The thing is, a little over a decade ago, he ran. After Kevin died, Chim got the hell out of Los Angeles. He saw the job posting for a firefighter-paramedic here in Sunport and he left. Between losing his brother in all but blood, seeing how crushed his pseudo-parents were without their real son, and the less than welcoming situation at his fire station, Chim sort of cracked. He left and he didn’t go back. Maybe he’d have gone back more, if he knew he was on a quickly diminishing timer. 

In the time since then, Chim became close with Hen through work. He became friends with his then-neighbor, Karen. He introduced them, and then he became their friend. A strange little extension of their family, when he didn’t really have his own. Uncle Chim to Denny. A go-to babysitter. And, really, he is so, so grateful for the Wilsons. He is. He loves them dearly. He’s glad he’s not separated from them amidst all this and wondering how they are and if they’re alive. He’s not sure exactly why he feels jealous of the people who do  have someone to look for. It’s stupid. But he sort of is. 

Anyway, Buck is leaving and it creates a whole mess. 

Bobby is frantic behind closed doors, but completely calm in front of Buck. It’s enough to make Chimney think he’s watching two different movies play out on separate screens. 

“Is he angry?” Bobby asks Chim and Hen, after Buck has told them. “Is this about the radio? Getting himself killed is a stupid way to punish me.” 

“Bobby, I don’t think it’s that,” Hen says. “I think he’s trying to be kind.”

“He’s being reckless!” Bobby protests.

“The guy saved his sister,” Chim reminds him. “He feels a debt.” Maybe Bobby would be able to stop Buck from going if he expressed any of his concerns to him. But he doesn’t.

[spookmemepls]

☠ ― 𝑊ℎ𝑜 𝐹𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑅𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑖𝑡? 𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠. (𝑆𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑡 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟾 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑒, "𝑊ℎ𝑜 𝐹𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑅𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑖𝑡?".)

"Don't worry! Whatever you say!"

"Hey! Be careful with that gun!"

"This ain't no cartoon, y'know."

"I'll be in my trailer, taking a NAP!"

"Scotch on the rocks. And I mean ice."

"I can take it, don't worry about me!"

"Wait 'til he gets on his feet, THEN hit him with a boulder."

"How much do you know about show business, ___?"

"Look, I don't have time for this."

"What the hell happened in here...?!"

"The job's gonna cost you a hundred bucks."

"This is NO way to make a living..."

"Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"___! Is that you?!"

"Nice booby trap."

"I've worked with a lot of wise-quackers, but you are despicable."

"Kinda jumpy, aren't you, ___?"

"Get this straight, meatball. I don't work for toons."

"I think... I'm gonna faint..."

"That's it! That's the connection!"

"Well I don't work for peanuts."

"Another stupid news reel... aww, I HATE the news."

"You've been hanging around rabbits too long."

"I don't know who's toonier. You or ___."

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

"OW! My biscuits are burnin'! Fire in the hatch!"

"Please, ___, can't you tell how much I need you?"

"I hope you're proud of yourself! And those pictures you took!"

"No toon can resist the old "shave and a haircut" bit."

"Hey, ___, don't you have a car?"

"Thanks for the cigarettes."

"Don't let me catch your peepin' face here again, got it?!"

"Nice monkey suit."

"Wiseass."

"Get outta here, get me some money, too."

"The whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers."

"Put the poor guy/girl/etc. on two weeks notice. Cutbacks, they said."

"Here's to the pencil-pushers. May they all get lead poisoning."

"Tomorrow's Friday, ___. You know what happens here on Friday?"

"You got that camera of yours? Mine's in the shop."

"Yeah, that was a long time ago. We should do that again sometime."

"So what's his/her/their/etc. problem?"

"I know this all seems pretty painful now... but you'll find someone new."

"Got the password...?"

"Don't tell me you've lost your sense of humor already..."

"So I took a couple of dirty pictures. Sue me."

"I caught you with your PANTS down!"

"I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, ___."

"No, not all the time! Only when it was funny!"

"No wonder you hate me...!"

"C'mon, don't cry, I don't hate you."

"This means war."

"C'mon, ___, where's your sense of humor?"

"The stain is already gone; It's disappearing ink! No hard feelings, I hope."

"If it's ACME, it's a gasser!"

"One of these days you're gonna DIE laughing."

"Work's been kinda slow since cartoons went to color..."

"Not tonight, ___... I've got a headache..."

"But ___, you promised...!"

"What could have POSSIBLY happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?"

"Take comfort, ___, you're not the first man/woman/etc. whose S/O played patty cake on 'em."

"I won't believe it, I CAN'T believe it, I SHAN'T believe it..."

"Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss?"

"We're SUPPOSED to be hiding, what's WRONG with you?!"

"What's wrong with YOU? You're the only person in this theater that isn't laughing!"

"___'s the love of my life! The apple of my eye! The cream in my coffee...!"

"Drink this, it'll make you feel better."

"Just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's/girl's/etc.'s head."

"I see working for a toon has rubbed off on you."

"My whole purpose in life is to make people laugh!"

"I've been risking my neck for you!"

"I'm looking for a murderer."

"You're my only hope...!"

"You keep talking like that and I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out."

"Ain't I a stinker?"

"A better lover than a driver, huh?"

"Seriously, what do you see in that guy/girl/etc.?"

"Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead!"

"We toons may ACT idiotic, but we're not stupid!"

"We demand justice, but the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks!"

"___, darling, I want you to know that I love you."

[loverrofmineee]

The Parting Glass- Robert "Rosie" Rosenthal x OC

Summary | AO3| Previous Chapter

Chapter 6- The Parting Glass

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The month after the men’s return from Algeria was difficult for the tower girls. Sorcha had returned from her weekend in London to an inconsolable Aileen, who broke down in sobs as soon as they laid eyes on each other. Curtis Biddick was gone. Though Sorcha had only a few interactions with the man, she felt a pit in her chest at the news. Lilibet, along with the others filled Sorcha in on what happened during the mission, reassuring her that Buck and Bucky were still alive and well. As the weeks passed Aileen took turns seeking comfort in each of her friends, often spending long nights discussing her time with Curt as well as all the promises they made each other. Sorcha spent many nights alongside the younger girl, listening to all she had to say, never judging her for how she dealt with grief. Aileen seemed to improve over time, though the innocent girl they knew months prior was gone.

“Are you still writing Doug, Devs?” Anika asked as the girls stood on the grass outside the tower, anxiously awaiting Dye’s arrival. It seemed that the entire base had managed to crowd around the tower and hardstands, praying that Dye would make it back on his 25th mission.

“Yep,” Sorcha replied, popping the p as she stared at the sky, “he said he’s doing well and everything. He’s been writing Cormack as well, giving me updates that the kid refuses to tell me.”

“I still cannot believe nothing happened between you two.” Shiv shook her head in a mixture of confusion and slight disappointment.

Once Sorcha had departed from London, she and Doug exchanged information, writing to each other every so often. Their relationship was purely platonic, much to the dismay of the girls. His letters brought a sense of comfort to her as he wasn’t someone directly on the base, and provided a new perspective to Sorcha in a way others couldn’t. It was nice to be known as someone else, not being viewed as an overprotective sister or a woman amongst the crowd at the base.

“Devs!” Bucky's voice called from his Jeep, Buck sat beside him like always

“What do you want, Egan?”

“The boys have been wondering if we’re gonna reprise our act tonight.” Bucky’s classic smirk started to creep on his face as he toyed with the toothpick in his mouth.

Sorcha raised an eyebrow at the man, glancing at Buck to see his reaction, “What ‘boys’ have you been talking to? ‘Cause I’m sure Buck isn’t one of them.”

Her comment elicited a low chuckle from the man, “You’d be right with that, Devs. You’d probably scare all the new recruits.”

“That’s what I live for, Buck!” Bucky retorted, sending his friends an offended glance, “C’mon Devs, you know you want to.”

“I’ll get back to you when I’m a few drinks in.”

Sorcha’s response seemed to satisfy Egan, giving her companions a short nod and wave before speeding off again. The loud buzzing of a B-17 sounded from afar, accompanied by a barrage of flares. A chorus of cheers rang across the field as Dye’s fort approached the tower, everyone overjoyed that one of their men was finally going home. Sorcha embraced Lilibet in a fierce hug as tears fell from their eyes. Though they barely knew the man, Dye’s return signaled hope and a wave of emotion over them. It was incredibly morale-boosting that Dye had made it to 25, proving to the men that it could be done. Dye’s return meant things were finally looking up at Thorpe Abbotts and maybe some good could come out of the war.

“I’m assuming we’re all going to the party tonight?” Shiv asked as she let go of Anika and Aileen.

“Who are we to say no to a good time?” Aileen piped up, causing the girls to beam at their friend.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If anyone were to pass by the women’s hut, they would have thought the party for Dye was being held there. Shrieks of laughter and giggles mixed with the record playing in the back corner bounced off the metal walls, creating a symphony of girlhood. The girls had assumed their usual stations for the night applying the military precision they developed to the stages of going out. Per custom, Sorcha was on hair, tightly wrapping strands around curlers, always eliciting complaints from her friends.

“God, Devs! Could you be any harsher?”

“I don’t see you complaining when one of the boys compliments you.”

Shiv let out a small groan as Sorcha released the curler, a perfect spiral flowing down her back. “It’s not the only reason they compliment me.”

“Keep this up and I’m sending you out with the rest left in.”

Aileen erupted into a fit of giggles at the older girl’s words, causing Lilibet to smudge the lipstick she was applying. “Jesus,” Lil groaned as Aileen continued to laugh, “Could we shelve the teasing for later? I’d rather not go out with one of you having half a head of curlers and the other with lipstick all over her chin.”

“Sorry, Lil. We’re just having some fun! Aren’t we, ladies?”

“Why of course, darling,” Shiv put on her horrible posh accent as she spoke, annoying Lilibet further, “As proper young ladies, we wouldn’t dare look a mess in front of the boys.”

Shiv’s dreadful impression set Aileen into another fit of laughter. While Lilibet attempted to remain stoic, she only needed one glance at Sorcha’s beaming face to join in. The women's laughter meshed together to form a harmonious sound, their joy infectious to one another.

Once the laughter had subsided and the girls resumed their tasks Shiv dared to change the conversation, “Speaking of boys…” eyes darting between Aileen and Sorcha as she broached the topic, “Are you two lovely ladies up to a dance tonight?”

Normally the women’s attention would fall on Sorcha at the question, but this time it shifted to Aileen. The younger girl sat silent for a moment before speaking barely above a whisper, “I- I think I could be up to it.”

“No one would push you, darling.” Lilibet put a hand on Aileen's shoulder as a form of support.

“No, I know…” Aileen trailed off as she searched for the eyes of others, gauging how they felt. “I know I’ll have to move on at some point. It just feels like I’m betraying him somehow.”

Sorcha was quick to rush to the younger girl’s side, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as tears started to fall from Aileen’s eyes. “Sweetheart, it’s a natural feeling to have. There’s no point in not feeling it, but on the other side is good. Curt wouldn’t want you to be so hard on yourself.”

“She’s right,” Shiv kneeled at Aileen’s feet, grasping her hands as she spoke, “If anything, Curt would want to be hard on you.”

“Shiv!” Lilibet chided as a small smile crept upon her face.

“What?! I had to hear from the guy twenty-four-seven about how perfect and stunning Aileen is. Honestly, you know I’m not wrong.”

This reasoning elicited a sigh from Lil, giving up on trying to convince Shiv to be more appropriate. “So what do you say, Aileen?” Sorcha extended a hand to the girl, “How does a dance sound?”

After a short moment, Aileen took her friend's hand and stood up. A smile was plastered on her face as she rose to meet Sorcha, “Doesn’t sound too bad. Though my first dance won’t be with you.”

“What, why?”

“You always try to lead!” Aileen giggled in Sorcha’s face, “I love you, Devs, but you need to loosen up.”

“Nice to know Aileen is back.” Shiv chuckled as she took in her friend’s expressions. “Now, can we get going? Anika shouldn’t be the only one having fun.” Each woman gave an enthusiastic nod to Shiv’s plan, putting the finishing touches on before heading out of the Nissen hut.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sounds of Glenn Miller's In The Mood could be heard as the women approached the officer’s club. Men and women were constantly flowing in and out, some wanting privacy, and others returning to the party. A wide smile crept upon Sorcha’s lips as she entered, arm-in-arm with Aileen, Shiv and Lilibet right on their heels. The group immediately went to the bar, starting what would be a long night of drinking.

Men and women were packed around the bar, making it nearly impossible for Sorcha to order, but she managed to push her way through. “I’ll take two martinis and a whiskey.”

The bartender gave a quick nod of acknowledgment to her words, before promptly serving the drinks. Sorcha gave him a quick thanks as she struggled to get through the crowds without spilling the beverages. “It’s like a madhouse over there!”

“Well, we thank you for going to war for us.” Lilibet smiled as she accepted her martini, handing the other to Aileen.

“Anything for you, my dear.” Sorcha mimicked Lili’s posh accent, causing Aileen to giggle.

“You’re not drinking tonight?” Lilibet pointed at Shiv as she sipped her drink.

A sly smile made its way onto Shiv’s face, “I’m planning on scoring drinks off of the new guys. It’s a pretty easy task, just bat your eyes, and make them feel like they’re the only man on earth.”

Aileen was the first to protest Shiv’s plan, “Well that’s just- that’s just mean, Shiv.”

“You could join me if you want,” Shiv stated cooly “With that face and accent of yours, I’m sure you could find a couple of men who’d be begging on their knees to buy you a martini.”

A rapid flush came to Aileen’s cheeks at the compliment and light innuendo, “M’not sure if I'm that type of girl.”

“Oh, of course, you are sweetheart,” Lil stated, her tone making the reassurance seem more like a simple fact. “Doesn’t matter how you go about it, any one of these men would be lucky to even speak with you.”

“C’mon, let's size up the lads for tonight.” Shiv’s statement grabbed each girl’s attention, their eyes scanning the room for any potential candidates for Aileen. After no less than five seconds Shiv pointed directly at an officer who had just come into the room, “That one there, with the atrocious dance moves.”

Sorcha’s eyes caught onto his figure, Shiv’s words about his moves ringing true. She watched as he spun around, hands in the air, the teasing cries from who she assumed were his friends falling on deaf ears. An airy laugh escaped from her lips as she watched him, sipping her whiskey to cover it up.

“I don’t think he’s my type,” Aileen stated bluntly, “I wouldn’t be able to dance with him, it’d look like a complete mess on the floor.”

“Don’t be too hard on the poor guy, it's not his fault he’s not a good dancer.” Lilibet held back giggles as she spoke, also finding hilarity in the situation.

“Looks like his luck is about to get worse,” noted Shiv as the girls noticed Buck and Bucky approaching the men. Sorcha let out a small groan as she watched the brief conversation, feeling a smidge of empathy toward the men who had to endure Egan’s teasing. She continued sipping her drink while sizing up the room when Bucky’s sharp voice rang through the hall.

“Devs!” Sorcha’s eyes snapped up to meet her caller, shades of light embarrassment covering her face. Buck, alongside the new recruits, were all staring at her, each giving a quick one-over of the woman who apparently had the Major’s interest. She made quick eye contact with the pilot her friends were just ruthlessly teasing, offering him a small smile before her attention shifted to an approaching Bucky.

Buck's low laugh came as he watched his friend converse, still beside the men from his prior conversation. One of the crew gained the courage to speak up, “Is that the major’s girl?”

“Something like that.” Buck gave little time for the men to respond before bidding them farewell and joining the growing group around Bucky and Sorcha.

“Buck!” Sorcha cried as the man approached the group, “Please tell me you weren’t harassing those poor recruits?”

“I told her-”

“Oh be quiet,” Sorcha shushed Bucky with a wave of her hand, eyes focused on getting the truth out of her friend, “This one’s a liar when it comes to telling me anything. I trust you more than him.”

Buck’s lips turned up at the sight of his friends arguing, finding himself more on Sorcha’s side than his nickname companion. “Normally I’d agree with you, Devs. But in all honesty, he’s telling the truth.”

A bark of teasing laughter spilled from Bucky’s mouth as he was proven right, breaking into a little dance to deepen the annoyance etched on Sorcha’s face. She turned to him, giving a light shove to his shoulder enough for the man to stumble over. A chorus of laughter erupted from the circle, all finding a brief moment of joy in another's small misfortune.

“Remind me why I hang around you?”

Sorcha was still giggling into her palm as Bucky regained balance, annoyance plastered across his features, though his eyes betrayed him, a sign of mischief below the surface. “Because you love me.” The circle suddenly went still at Sorcha’s words, though her tone was airy, they wondered if there was any punch to her assumption.

“Oh really?” teased Bucky with a lift of his eyebrow and a smirk, “M’not sure if that’s true, Devlin.”

“Ooh, using my full last name, someone’s feeling serious.”

“You wanna talk serious, how about letting me have a dance?”

Those around stood with bated breath, the women excited to see Sorcha put the overconfident Major down a peg, while the men wondered if Bucky was about to be outright rejected. Their eyes moved back and forth between the pair, analyzing Sorcha’s contemplative face versus Bucky’s unfailing smirk. Sorcha eventually gave in, offering her hand, which Bucky grabbed immediately. The two found their way onto the dance floor, nearly the whole room spectating them as they swayed to the sounds of Duke Ellington.

“M’ surprised you didn’t turn me down, Devs,” Bucky spoke over the music, not caring who heard their conversation.

“Everyone’s made their assumptions about our pairing,” Sorcha shrugged as she spoke, eyes scanning the crowd, feeling every pair of eyes on her and the Major, “Truth be told, no one’s asked me to dance in a long time.”

“What about that English guy from a while back?”

Sorcha was quick to hit Bucky on the arm, not surprised he had mentioned Doug, but shocked at the casualness in his voice. As if they weren’t having a highly public conversation, “I guess he counts, but it’s not the same as dancing here. In London, no one knew me besides Cormack. Here, everyone knows everything about everyone. Plus, my slim chances have been ruined by you.”

Bucky feigned a look of innocence before spinning Sorcha around, “Me!? What have I done?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sarcasm dripped from Sorcha’s voice as she spoke, “Maybe being a woman associated with ought to do it?”

“The boys should know better. I can’t be tied down, especially not by you.”

A gasp escaped Sorcha’s lips as Bucky teased her, “Believe me Egan, I wouldn’t dream of tying you down. It’d be like having an untrainable dog in the house.”

It was now Bucky’s turn to look offended, “You wound me deeply, Devs.” True to his words, Bucky started to slip from Sorcha’s light grip, dramatically collapsing to the floor. An embarrassed flush rose in Sorcha’s cheeks as she attempted to manage Egan’s dramatics. If people hadn’t been watching them before, they were now, as Egan flailed on the ground, theatrical cries falling from his mouth. The giggles Sorcha tried to stifle were now flowing freely from her lips, her laughter infecting those around her. Between giggles she struggled to get Buck’s attention, his name coming out in strangled cries. Soon enough, he got the hint to come retrieve his friend and pull him from the floor.

“You two caused quite a scene.” Chastised Buck, though his face betrayed the seriousness of his tone.

“It’s what we do best,” Bucky wrapped an arm around Sorcha’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, “Who else would entertain the troops?”

“I’m sure we could find someone else.” Shiv’s voice broke into the conversation, the rest of the group from the bar joining. “Sorcha could do a solo show for all the men.”

Lilibet choked on her drink at Shiv’s words, “I’m scared to ask what your definition of a ‘solo show’ entails.”

Shiv was quick to defend herself, poising herself as a proper young lady, “I’m appalled you’d even say that, Lil. Am I not a woman of respectable stature? There are impressionable young women here who could be corrupted by such words.” Shiv covered Aileen's ears at the latter statement, to which Aileen protested.

“I’m only a few years younger than you!”

“Exactly my point, my dear. We must shield you from these Brits and their dirty minds.”

It seemed as if a permanent look of offense was painted on Lilibet’s face as Shive spoke. She was used to the girl’s teasing but wasn’t inebriated enough to bear this level. “You in the mood for another drink, Devs?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“Shall we leave this lot behind?”

Sorcha gave a light nod before she looped her arm through Lilibets, the rest of her friends too engrossed in a new conversation about who Aileen would dance with to notice their departure. The two made their way back to the bar, which had become less crowded over time. As soon as they turned around from ordering their drinks, Bucky and Aileen were found on the floor, alongside Benny and Anika, as well as Shiv and one of the new men. “Seems like they’ve all found what they’re looking for.” Lilibet nudged Sorcha’s shoulder as she sipped her drink.

“Aileen looks happy,” Sorcha smiled at the image of her friends swaying along to the slow tune playing, “She hasn’t been the same since Biddick. It’s nice to see her genuinely smile again.”

“She deserves it. We all deserve something like that.” Lilibet’s tone was laced with wistfulness as she spoke.

Sorcha leveled a glance at her friend who seemed lost in a faraway place, “Thinking about Andrew?”

The mention of her boyfriend snapped Lilibet out of dreamland, remembering where she was, “I miss him dearly. We got to call today, and I know it’s a blessing to even be able to hear his voice, but it’s not the same.”

A downhearted smile crept onto Sorcha’s face as Lil spoke, feeling partially sympathetic to her friend. “I know I can’t entirely relate, but you know I’ll listen to you babble on about Andrew for as long as you need to.”

“Oh, Devs,” Her eyes were filled with motherly emotion, wrapping an arm around the younger girl, “One day, hopefully sometime soon, you’ll be granted with feeling the way I do. I pray you’re not in the same situation as I am, but I know you’ll open your heart to love. When that day comes, you’ll find the man most deserving of your love in the same way I’ve been granted it.”

Tears threatened to spill from the corner of Sorcha’s eyes as Lilibet spoke. She quickly grabbed a napkin from the bar and lightly dabbed at her eyes, focused on not ruining her makeup that took hours to do. “You and your romanticism.”

“I know somewhere, deep down in that heart of yours, you want the same thing for yourself.” Lil leveled a serious look at her friend, her eyes soft as she spoke, “The girls and I rib you for it all the time, but know we just have your interests in mind. There’s no need to give your love to others without getting any back.”

“I have you though,” Sorcha spoke through a teary-eyed smile

Lilibet tutted in disapproval at her friend, “That’s true. But unfortunately, I'm a taken woman.”

“I could take Andrew in a fight.” Sorcha retorted matter-of-factly, a serious look on her face.

Her words caused the Brit to dissolve into a fit of giggles, gaining attention from others at the sudden outburst. “Oh, I would pay good money to see that.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What was once a lively celebration eventually faded out, and only a few men and women were scattered around the officer’s club. The usual suspects of Sorcha’s makeshift friend group were chatting around the bar, while Sorcha and Aileen sat in front of the piano. Aileen’s mood had shifted along with the party, her liveliness replaced with melancholy. Sorcha had opted to keep her company, needing respite from all the socialization and attention she had gathered over the night. The women sat shoulder-to-shoulder, Aileen playing a light tune as Sorcha faced her friends at the bar, all in light spirits. A soft smile found its way onto Sorcha’s face as she took in the scene. A new body made its way into her eye line, the pilot with the bad dance moves. She watched as he made his way over to Buck and Bucky, wondering how he had the courage to speak to the majors not once, but twice in the same evening.

“You’re quite the observer, aren’t you?” Aileen's soft voice broke Sorcha out of her thoughts, her fingers still moving over the black and white keys.

“What are you talking about?”

Aileen shot Sorcha a knowing look but didn’t answer her question. Instead, she started to play a familiar tune, causing Sorcha to perk up. The beginning notes of The Parting Glass sounded from the old piano, starting soft and slow. Aileen continued playing the melody, waiting for Sorcha to start singing along, nudging her to begin. At the younger girl’s pleading eyes, she gave in, softly singing, as if Aileen was her sole audience.

“Of all the money that e'er I had I spent it in good company And all the harm I've ever done Alas it was to none but me And all I've done for want of wit To mem'ry now I can't recall So fill to me the parting glass Good night and joy be to you all”

As she sang, Sorcha’s voice carried across the club, catching the interest of a few bystanders, though most heard her voice as background. Aileen shared a large grin as they sang, once again forgetting they had an audience outside of themselves. Sorcha felt an overwhelming sense of calm wash over her as she sang. She felt as if she were home, though the meaning of home had changed since she arrived at Thorpe Abbotts.

“Of all the comrades that e'er I had They're sorry for my going away And all the sweethearts that e'er I had They'd wish me one more day to stay But since it falls unto my lot That I should rise and you should not I gently rise and softly call …Good night and joy be to you all”

Sorcha’s eyes began to water as Aileen played the final notes, laying her head on the younger girl’s shoulder. A silent understanding passed through them, both knowing the meaning the song held to one another. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Bucky’s voice rang out, “Aileen! Get over here!”

Aileen looked between Sorcha and Bucky, trying to see if it was ok to leave Sorcha alone. “Go ahead,” Sorcha urged as she cleared her eyes, “I’m all good over here.”

“You’re a saint, Devs.” Aileen chirped before hugging Sorcha and rushing over to the impatient Major.

Sorcha let out a soft chuckle as she looked to the ground, shaking her head at her friend’s behavior. As she lifted her gaze, Sorcha was met with a pair of stunning blue eyes, a soft look within them. She recognized him as the officer who had been floating in her eyeline all evening, “That was beautiful.”

Hints of scarlet painted Sorcha’s cheeks at the compliment and the handsome man who it came from. For the first time all night, she was able to get a good look at the man who had been briefly occupying her thoughts. He was movie-star handsome, she thought. His hair seemed gelled to perfection, falling into place with his pristine uniform. A bashful smile played on his lips as he awaited Sorcha’s response.

“Thank you,” She spoke in a soft voice, feeling uncharacteristically embarrassed, “It’s not a crowd favorite song, but I think it’s lovely.”

A pensive look crossed the man's face as he took in Sorcha’s words. It seemed that he was truly thinking over her statement as opposed to letting it pass by in the air. The two remained in a somewhat awkward silence before the man spoke again, “Robert Rosenthal,” He stuck out his hand before adding, “Though most people call me Rosie.”

“Rosie.” Sorcha let his name spill from her mouth as her lips quirked into a smile. She took his hand, shaking it for a moment too long. She wasn’t sure what was happening, but part of her was intrigued by the man before her. So what if it wasn’t proper to let a handshake linger? There were worse things that could happen. “Sorcha Devlin. Though everyone here calls me Devs.”

“Not too creative, are they?” Rosie laughed, Sorcha’s heart fluttering at the sound.

“I fear they haven’t spent enough time working on their nicknaming skills.” Sorcha agreed, “They must have something else going on to keep them busy.”

Rosie let out another chuckle, a permanent grin etched onto his face. “Unfortunately they didn’t cover nicknames in training.”

“Well, that's a shame. Makes a girl wonder what you’re learning back in the States.”

“You should write to the higher-ups,” Rosie began as he unconsciously sat beside Sorcha, feeling the need to be closer to her. “Get them to add something in the handbook about creativity and nicknames.”

All of a sudden the piano bench felt smaller than before. She felt her stomach flutter as Rosie sat beside her. Sorcha could feel the heat radiating off Rosie and could smell his cologne, and God was it an enchanting scent. Sorcha could feel herself getting lost in his presence, demanding herself to snap out of it. She finally turned her gaze back to his blue eyes, ones that were already looking back at her. A shy smile played on Rosie's lips as he gazed at her, awaiting a response.

“I- I’m sure we could make that work.” Sorcha stuttered. Unknowingly her face scrunched up as she wondered why she was acting so strange. Ten minutes ago she had been fine, standing beside Lilibet and entertaining Bucky, but as soon as Rosie appeared, all her banter and charm faded away.

“Is everything ok, miss?” Rosie’s voice was laced with concern. His mind replayed their brief conversation, analyzing every moment to see if he made a mistake. Surely he didn’t say something out of turn or offensive?

Sorcha nearly got whiplash as she looked at the man beside her, frantic hazel eyes meeting soft blue ones. “I’m so sorry. I just- got lost in thought for a moment.”

“No need to apologize,” Rosie’s soft smile aided Sorcha’s embarrassment, the flush from her cheeks fading away, “Just wanted to make sure everything was ok.”

“It is,” Sorcha responded earnestly. Her racing mind had slowed as she gazed at Rosie. Somehow this man who she had just met found a way to calm her constant nerves that were kept below the surface.

“So, Rosie,” Sorcha began, loving how gentle his name was. It was a name she believed she could never get sick of saying. “Tell me about yourself.”

Rosie contemplated the question for a moment before turning to face Sorcha, nearly going speechless at the soft look painted on her face. How he had managed to be sitting inches away from a stunning girl like her was beyond him. “Well, I’m a pilot.”

Giggles flowed from Sorcha’s lips at his statement. “I figured as much. Why else would you be here?”

It was now Rosie’s turn to be embarrassed, internally cursing himself for starting with something so obvious. “Maybe I'm just a fan of England. You know, I hear they have absolutely lovely weather.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it. Makes me miss New York weather, as finicky as it is.”

The mention of New York piqued Rosie’s interest, eyebrows raising in surprise. “You’re from New York?”

“Born and raised.” Sorcha beamed with pride, “As much as I love being over here, I miss the place.”

“I know how you feel.” Rosie sighed, “I tell ya, there’s no place like Brooklyn.”

“Brooklyn’s nice enough, but I’d argue the Bronx is better.” A teasing smile was placed on Sorcha’s face at Rosie’s look of offense.

Rosie let out a scoff at her statement, matching her smile as he crossed his arms. “I think we’re gonna have to agree to disagree.”

“I’d have to disagree with that statement.” Sorcha shrugged, not wanting to give up her position on the matter.

Rosie was about to speak again before a feminine voice cut him off. “Devs!” He turned his head to see the group of women Sorcha had previously been with, all looking at him with analyzing stares. He would be lying if he said they didn’t intimidate him, knowing that women often convey unspoken thoughts through stares.

“Duty calls,” Sorcha sighed, wishing she could spend more time sitting on the tiny piano bench with Rosie, “We’ll finish, or really start our debate another time?”

“I’ll prepare my opening remarks,” Rosie said with a wide smile, once again sending flutters through Sorcha’s body.

Sorcha stood up, sparing another glance at Rosie over her shoulder. To her surprise, he was already looking at her with a grin, that damn grin that she had quickly grown to love. He sent an awkward wave her way, causing Sorcha to giggle.

“Seems like someone had a good night.” Aileen teased as she looped her arm through Sorcha’s.

Sorcha couldn’t help the smile that threatened to lift the edges of her mouth, a very visible blush exploding on her cheeks. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, her short encounter with the pilot was highly enjoyable. Rosie seemed unlike any other man she had met on the base. He held a gentleness that Sorcha found comforting. In nearly every other social encounter, she analyzed everything to make sure she was acting according to her own social rules. With Rosie, all anxiety faded away. Maybe her friends had been right to encourage her to step outside their small group, though she would rather die than confess it to them.

[feyd-meowtha]

Another snippet from the MOTA 90s clubbing AU!

(This time featuring Curt/Ken and the extent to which I had to bend space and time to make the Jude Law joke work)

“Long way from home, cowboy,” Curt said as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and flipped the top open. “Want one?” He added, holding them up toward Gale, “they’re menthols.” Gale wasn’t usually one for smoking but his tongue was begging for something to do and he did like mint so he agreed, gingerly taking one out of the packet and holding it up for Curt to light.

“You wound me,” said Bucky from the opposite side of the table, holding one hand to his chest like a mother who’d just seen her child’s first tattoo. “You don’t want my smokes but you’ll take one from this…this... fiend.” “Oh, fiend, is it? That’s a new one,” Curt mumbled as Gale said,

“You didn’t offer.” “You don’t even drink!” Bucky spluttered, gesturing far too vigorously with his burning cigarette and earning a scornful look from the woman behind him. He shook his head mournfully. “I can’t believe this. I risk life and limb to get him in here and the first chance you get, you steal him away from me.” He pointed a finger from Gale to Curt. “He smokes menthols!” Bucky finished with a huff, crossing his arms and sticking out his lower lip in a petulant show of immaturity that shouldn’t have been nearly as endearing as it was. “Told you no-one wants to kiss a guy who smokes Lucky Strikes. How old are you, eighty?” Curt said with a shrug before turning to Gale. “They have character!” Bucky exclaimed. Curt just shook his head and turned back to Gale. “Though I hate to disappoint ya Buck but I got a feeling someone special is gonna be here tonight. So I’m afraid my heart belongs to another.” “The guy who looks like Jude law?” Bucky said, his eyebrows buried somewhere up in his hairline. “Dude, don’t do it. You totally struck out last time. I saw it, I wish I didn’t but I did and it was bad.” “Yeah but that doesn’t count because I don’t remember it.” Curt said as if that made any sense whatsoever. Then he stopped dead, his eyes taking on a slightly haunted look as he met Bucky’s gaze and said solemnly. “Never let me do G again.” “It’s not my fault some people can’t hack,” said Bucky before adding, “and to be fair it wasn’t all bad. I think he thought you were kinda funny, even after you started talking about how much you liked ‘Shopping’ which he had not seen because no-one except you and me have ever seen that movie and I only watched it because you made me… but then you started making that weird groaning noise and rubbing your palms on your jeans like a sex offender.” He paused for a second, the two of them cringing in unison, “Yeah...that was- that was rough, I’m not gonna lie, so probably don’t do that again.” “Don’t have to tell me,” Curt said, shaking his head to shake off the embarrassment, “That stuff is fuckin’ evil. I’ll be stickin’ with the classics from now on.”

[gayhoediaz]

not any of my business AT ALL but noticed you said buck was too young for you at 6 years older and then I got curious....what is your type? (obvs feel free to ignore)

it’s absolutely your business my daddy issues is my favorite topic. just. imagine me tucking my feet up under myself 🥰

no read more link i'm making this everyone's business <3

(we're doing this mainly based off of looks just to make it easy. i'm also someone who values physical attraction greatly, so it makes sense to me. personally. i'll talk a little bit about just general personality and vibes at the end, though!)

get in losers, we're objectifying men! (with respect, and the acknowledgment that just like women, they are all real people, and have a lot more to offer, even the characters, they're played by real people. and i'm sure they're all wonderful people until i'm proven otherwise.)

okay. so.

i’m a pretty introspective person and i’ve actually been thinking about this lately because my taste is. relatively. unpredictable.

i did indeed say that buck would be too young for me at roughly 6 years older and i stand by that because here’s the thing: i feel like when people think of daddy issues in terms of age, they think of. people being interested in people who are. a little bit older. my personal daddy issues run so deep, i need them older. (we’re specifically talking about men. i like women too - but that’s neither here nor there and i have a good relationship with my mom, so that’s not what we’re talking abt rn.) i’m into men that like. if i told you they were my dad, you would not fucking blink.

and it’s not just the age. being an objectively attractive man roughly 20 years my senior? that’s not necessarily enough. we’re going off of celebrities and fictional characters right now cause it’s just an easy way to explain things but there are plenty of men who are very objectively attractive and are twenty years older than me, but who just. don’t look it. and i absolutely see why people thirst after them but they’re just. not for me. like. okay.

manny montana? very pretty. i love looking at him. and he is much older than me. and yet, not my type.

same with like. andy samberg. so. very. pretty. and roughly a couple decades older than me. my type? nope.

now - tony dalton?

yeah. yeah.

^^^ and it’s not just “lalo’s hot” no no no no no my ass is in the discord server at 3am losing it over pictures like this:

(^^^ he's not btw. not to me.)

when i tell y’all i’m hopeless i am HOPELESS

anyway moving onto someone else i’m feral about: billy burke but ONLY when he’s scruffy okay?

this? i mean i wouldn’t… not let hit, but

when i say im feral abt billy burke i’m talking about charlie swan and i’m talking abt this:

honorable mention i am also feral as fuck abt robert knepper

and now, i can hear you saying "oh nie, i get it, so you're not attracted to men who have like chronic boy face, i get it!!! you're into like. the jeffrey dean morgan, joe manganiello types!"

nope. i am not the slightest bit attracted to either of those men. like. *vanessa hudgens voice* i get it. i respect it.

not for me tho.

NOW. there is a little bit of a gray area when we talk about men who like... have chronic boy face and everything else about them is just... not that energy.

like. raul castillo for example.

(he looks a lot like a young version of my maternal grandpa, but that's just. something we're not gonna touch rn.) first of all? my immediate reaction is not "let me hit" my first reaction is very similar to manny montana in the sense that like. so. pretty.

but also? tummyyyyyyy so nvm let me hit yk what i mean?

(for some reason jon bernthal also goes in this category. they don't look anything alike but. same vibes to me in terms of how attracted i am, personally. where it's like. sure. yknow?)

i am also forever a mustache warrior, okay, shave off a mustache? doesn't usually necessarily ruin it for me, but grow one? it's better. immediately. actually, while oliver, just like buck, is too young to be my type, the only picture in existence where i am even the slightest bit attracted to oliver is the one from that photoshoot where the lighting accidentally made it look like he had one:

that's it. that's the only one.

(while we're on the topic of 9-1-1 cast: ryan also is too young for me, but i am very attracted to him when he has long hair. the second it's gone, he's just a silly little guy to me. i'm not really attracted to peter, although i wouldn't... say no. i'm here for kenny, though. absolutely. anytime.)

now so i feel less bad about objectifying every single man mentioned in this post, let's talk personalities (not specifically the ones mentioned, because i don't know them. this is just abt me and just general vibes that i'm drawn to) i need the vibe to be like. relaxed, which i think loops right back around to daddy issues, of course - it's not that i would be turned off if i'm with a man and he needs to cry on my shoulder 'cause something happened, that's fine - but generally there needs to be a feeling of just. not a lot of stress, not a lot of anxiety, things are handled, things will work out - you know. and usually, you tend to get that from people who are. a lot older. even people in their 30s don't usually have their shit together like that. (which is fine!!) but it's just so. just. easy to breathe when someone's like "eh, i'll fix it" (and yes, my love language is indeed acts of service)

as i put it in another post at some point: [billy burke in twilight] awakened the innermost parts of me that yearn to be railed by scruffy, mustached men old enough to be my father who look like they smell like a campfire and taste like tobacco and like i would tell them i wanted dick and they would nod once and say "yes ma'am"

the end <3